#it rly does numb the area

[whumpshaped]

I'm probably super late & no pressure to respond but I want to share a scar story! (Maybe it can inspire writers who want to read a firsthand experience about some OUCHITY OUCH pain.)

I have a tiny straight line of a scar along the nail of my big toe. But the interesting bit is just, the painful part tbh. It's wild but might be squick. So again, no need to respond or read it all. Bail if it gets too squick. Nothing life threatening or gorey, just big ouchers.

(CW: I had a Matrixectomy/partial nail removal. But he forgot the local anesthetic.)

I was like 14 yrs old and had a really infected spot on my toe where my nail had become ingrown that kept getting infected again if I stubbed my toe etc. so my mom took me to a medical clinic & they performed a Matrixectomy. But without a local anesthetic.

So it's one nurse, one doctor guy and my mom. He just gets right to it after all of the tools are brought out and was pushing teeny mini scissors/cutters into the infected skin area that was really tender and painful by just barely walking on it, cutting a straight line on my nail to the base of the nail to remove the problem area. With No injection for numbing. I was like a 90lb stickboy of a beanpole but my mom had to help the nurse hold my legs down bc it was so hard to stay still and not roll around in pain. I tried not to cry too much and didn't scream bloody murder because I didn't want to inconvenience the doctor or freak my mom out but that shit HURT. Then he applied the acid with a q-tip or something that scars the area so the nail in that section doesn't grow back. That also hurt.

Once it was over I sat up and nearly passed out so they had to make me lay back down, & brought me a wet towel for my forehead. Once I was good to get up we walk out the door to pay or whatever, idr, I just know I almost passed out in the hall on the way to the counter, and then one more time in the parking lot before I got in the car to go home. The gauze was so tight my toe was throbbing, I was literally just writhing in pain on my mom's bed for 1 or 2 hrs till I loosened the wrapping and the pain finally went down enough that I could sleep it off with an Ibuprofen.

A couple weeks later the nail still curled into my skin and got infected again. 🫠 I nearly cried when I saw the pus it was gross and I didn't want to go through the procedure again, I was an anxious wreck over it. We go to another clinic, get told the first guy did it wrong/incorrectly somehow, then get directed to a podiatrist to fix it for real this time.

That podiatrist was the nicest doctor in the world. When the nurse brought out the tray with the tools right before they were going to start my eyeballs took one look at the instruments and just WEPT without my say-so. It didn't even feel like crying. It just felt like water coming out of my eyeballs without my consent. They were so understanding about it. 😭 I felt like I was being a big fat wuss, or a crybaby. But I was scared. "Sorry. I'm good. It just really hurt last time." And they'd heard the story so they knew so I was gonna trust them to NOT do that they reassured both my mom and I they'd make sure it didn't hurt.

Then he injected the local anesthesia to numb my toe and get to work. All I felt was him vaguely pushing my toe around for a better angle and a little bit of pressure and then bam. It was over and done. 0 pain whatsoever. It was fuckin INCREDIBLE. 20/10 experience.

IDK why that first guy kept going when the patient was clearly in so much pain or distressed he had to be held down. I was like 14. >:( But it makes for a good story to tell.

& that's my traumatic scar horror story of the smallest scar I have. :D

THATS INSANE. SOME DOCTORS ARE SO DUMB AND SHOULD NOT BE PRACTISING. also yeah i know abt this procedure bc .. i obsessively watch videos w it.. dont even. dont even say anything. i know. i know.

im soooo sorry u went thru that shit thats so bad. but im glad it got fixed later.

[dolciume]

um i’m normal now. jk that was an awful meltdown… i’m left exhausted and numb. i shouldn’t have done any of that… i also had a weird detailed dream. i died and was in a purgatory like hell. people constantly stole my phone + car keys. it was in a house.. the house had many different areas and rooms including a giant party? with tables and seats and a sushi buffet to the side. there were regular areas… hws netherlands and hws germany were roommates? and i was pretty nosy and looked at their rooms. i ended up seeing netherlands room had a small stage in it. he thought i was annoying. at some point i discover the people in this house (who are dead) can all be classified into heroes villains etc… and i was a villain. in the dream i had no money and was changing clothes a lot by simply taking things. but most of all i was worried abt my mom cuz i was “missing”… but i was dead :( and i found out my mom lived a horrible life bc i died. there was a man at some point, he reversed time so that ppl who died bc of me. but i still stayed dead. i finally got out of that house but i still had to fight certain people. hws england showed me i can ghost through other dead people, but not alive people. i couldn’t ghost through him and he was like -_-. he was pretty cranky lol but i remember he helped me several times in the house. glad i woke up though… weird stress dream.

can’t find the nail buffer i was using to put aloe vera on my back. still rly burned, and now i have self made cuts all over my left arm and wrist. just as i wrote this i found it. i’m gonna put aloe vera im really burned. i should go to a doctor but i won’t. :/

no use complaining. even if i want to die, i’m trapped aren’t i? i have to continue this cycle of horror forever, don’t i? when does it start to feel lighter? never. this is always.

[jirnkirks]

.

[augustatheodora]

recently decided to finally get into fallout bc i haven’t been able to work for like a month and my brain was going numb. ANYWAY, i started with 3 and got all the way to the last quest before i gave up bc i wanted to start new vegas so bad, lol. i have not been disappointed so far, here are some fnv takes:

-the changes to the ammo system from 3 to nv confuse and vex me. i’ve always been bad at fps because i know nothing about guns in general but now they gotta throw a whole new system of damage calculators in there??

-in practically every rpg i prefer to play an int/speech/charisma/etc-focused character who negotiates their way through things. this was tricky but not too big of a deterrent in 3, bc i got really good at sneaking around and setting up traps with mines and shit... which worked well in a game where you spend most of your time in tunnels, caves, vaults, and urban areas with tons of barricades and choke points. not so much in a wide-open expanse of desert. this leads me to my next point:

-i cannot believe how many times i’ve been killed by wildlife. everything in the mojave wasteland can and will destroy me on sight. in f3 my first encounter with deathclaws was waltzing right into that one town where there’s like a hundred of them and i had minimal trouble. 30 minutes into nv i stumbled into what must have been some kind of giant radscorpion nest and had to run all the way back to goodsprings for backup bc they wrecked my lvl 3 ass so hard. then there was that blind deathclaw that guards primm pass - going off of my experience with them in 3, i tried for like an hour to snipe him, sneak past with a stealthboy, etc before i’d gotten killed so many times i gave up and tried to go around. naturally i got swarmed by cazadors immediately and at that point i just had to suck it up and lower the difficulty setting. i fucking hate the desert and hope it gets nuked again asap.

-vilified myself w the powder gang right off the bat in that first goodsprings quest, which was great bc you have to pass their camp on the way to the next town and obv my sneak skill was garbage that early in the game.

-i would die for ed-e

-it’s just not in my nature to play anything but a good/very good protag in fallout. so in that first encounter with the legion when you find nipton burned to the ground and vulpes does his big gross speech before turning around to leave, i let them get a short distance away then chucked a stick of dynamite and somehow managed to pick the rest off with a bunch of lucky crits. apparently this is not an uncommon reaction but it is definitely coming back to bite me bc now they keep sending assassin squadrons after me and they are a pain in the ASS to kill.

-surprised myself with how quickly i was able to grasp the basics of caravan, considering i’m big dumb. i actually really like it now, i’ve made a ton of money through that alone.

-decided to break whatsisface out of jail so he could be primm’s sheriff, had to kill a couple guards to get him out so now they hate me there too. if you’re keeping track, that brings my vilified groups count up to Everyone Except NCR and Regular Townsfolk. that being said:

-i really didn’t mean to gain so much cred with the NCR this quickly. was actually planning to stay as neutral as possible since i’m not a huge fan of either faction (same way i usually played skyrim) but i just keep doing their missions since they mostly involve rescuing people/hunting rapists/murderers/gang leaders and they fuckin love me there now. so... oops.

-i rly want to go find more companions bc they’re all so good and it’s just been me and ed-e so far (which is fine, as stated previously i love my robot son So Much) but they’re all locked behind stacks on stacks of quests. i’ve been sloooowly working my way up the map trying to finish the requirements to get cass, and i’ve encountered what i think are the hooks to find boone and maybe raul but i just have so many quests open already. 😭 i just want 2 meet my friends.....

-literally haven’t even been to the strip yet, i just keep going around it in circles doing endless sidequests and NCR jobs. still bleeding from my open head wound and i’m over here negotiating a trade deal so the disgruntled cook at HQ can get some spices.

[vvitchcrvfttm]

* . ROSS LYNCH,  TRANS MALE,  HE/HIM.  —  looks  like  CYRUS GOODE  is  attending   AURORIA UNIVERSITY  in  auradon.  they're  the  TWENTY-ONE year  old  child  of  THEODORA / THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST ( ADOPTED BY GLINDA ) ,  which  means  they're  from  OZ .  heard  they're  OBSERVANT  &  CHARMING ,  but  can  also  be  INSECURE  &  LONELY  ;  we  all  have  our  bad  days.  people  normally  associate  them  with  BLACK BRIMMED HATS & DIAMOND HEADBANDS , CANDLES LIGHTING BY THEMSELVES , BLONDE HAIR WITH DARK & INGROWN ROOTS , BLACK POLISHED FINGERTIPS CLINGING TO A STAR-TIPPED WAND.

                                        ❛  dreams unwind and LOVE’S a state of mind. ❜                                             playlist. pinterest. to listen as you read.    

yeah I cracked. I saw ‘oz’ n immediately had 2 bring my og witch child... this oc i’ve had for like, three years?? and he’s changed so much over my course of writing him bUT doing that is literally so !! fun n I’mm so excited to introduce him 2 u guys. please proceed w/ caution however bc the following contains trigger warnings for toxic relationships , manipulation , depression , and mentions of drug / alcohol / cigarette use. none I dive deeply into , but pls be cautious !!

HISTORY

He’s conceived as a product of an affair between the Witch and the Wizard - as of course , the story does start out when he first arrives in Oz and she , still kind and innocent , falls for a conman’s game. But the events that follow after spiral so quickly that she doesn’t even know she’s pregnant until everything’s over , and she gives birth in seclusion.

Well , almost seclusion.

The only person there is Glinda.

It’s slated for her crimes against Oz that she be sent to the Isle - and Glinda knows for multiple reasons that sending her child with her to the Isle of the Lost will be a horrible idea.

1.) The Isle is essentially a large prison. A child can’t be raised in a prison.

2.) All of the good that Theodora held inside of her , all of the love in her heart , was stolen and taken away from her by her wicked sister. And that’s not Theodora’s fault - but can she give a child love and affection when she’s in such a state ?? Maybe it’s possible , but it’s risky.

3.) If the child is Oscar’s , the child will have to at least have a chance of experiencing life in Oz. Even though , the Wizard has to keep up his facade.

4.) When he settles down from his crying , he looks up at Glinda with innocent , big brown eyes that she finds her heart melting for. He doesn’t sport the same green shade of skin his mother does , but his eyes are Oscar’s and his features are similar to Theodora’s before she turned wicked. And she can’t turn away a face like that.

Glinda selfishly makes the decision to hide away the child and raise him as her own - and Theodora is sent to the Isle , knowing that her baby is in the good witch’s hands and anguishly lamenting for days - until of course , he’s an afterthought.

But the baby does indeed get care from Glinda - too much , in fact. Her child is spoiled - thankfully not rotten , given that a good witch teaches her child to be a good child. And every time he talks to her , she gives him the utmost love and care a mother can give - when he discovers his identity , she’s more than willing to accept him and makes adjustments around Emerald City so everyone else knows to as well. Whenever he’s hurt or sad or sick , she refuses to leave his side so she can comfort him and protect him as much as he needs. Whenever he asks for something , if it’s not out of reason , she can’t say no. He’s spoiled - but not rotten. He’s spoiled sweet. 

But Glinda can’t protect him forever - and she knows she can’t hide his real origin from him forever. He doesn’t know why he’s had such a weird allergy to water since he was little , hence why he bathes with heaps of soap and bath salts so the water becomes a solution that won’t sting. He can’t stay in the ocean for too long since the saltwater’s definitely not pure , but will hurt after a long while. And soon he’ll begin to ask questions - and Glinda prepares herself while Cyrus experiments with other means.

Boys included.

Falling for another Auradonian boy is expected , and Cyrus sees him as the perfect gentleman. But underneath the flattering words and sweet nothings lies an ulterior motive to break into Glinda’s quarters and steal her wand since his parents were followers of Evanora’s - and Glinda killed her. And before it even comes to a breaking point , the relationship grows toxic , growing more and more evident that he’s being used for not only his status in Oz , but also because of his parentage.

It finally ends when he breaks into Glinda’s palace , finding not only the wand but the crucial information that Glinda’s son is not her biological son. And when Cyrus catches him , he firstly tells Cyrus that he’s never loved him ( along with the million things he finds wrong with him that drill into the young man’s self-esteem ) and that his mother - his mother who’s done nothing but love him his entire life - has lied to him. His biological mother is a dirty criminal on the Isle , and Cyrus will probably be just like her when he gets older. 

He’s thwarted , thank Oz ; but there’s enough damage already done. 

Cyrus grows confused and cold - disgusted that he gave his trust away so quickly to someone so VILE , but also wondering how he could easily believe the lies from both that individual and his mother because he doesn’t get it. He doesn’t understand. And a heated argument with Glinda - probably the first awful one they’ve ever had - leads Cyrus to running away from the palace for a few days , now feeling like a good portion of his life has been a lie. 

He spends his time wandering around the Emerald City - at least his mother knows he’s safe in the Emerald City , so she keeps her distance. And in the meanwhile , he researches the woman who gave birth to him to a T , reading about how she used to be so kind and sweet but then the Wizard led her to giving her heart away , and she turned wicked soon after . . . 

Her story matches up with his up until the part she turns wicked , so he’s left worrying if that’ll be his fate , as well.

When he returns home , he’s become DISTANT AND ANGRY AND MOODY - while he lets his mother hug him and kiss him and tell him how much he loves her , he’s closed off still and allows himself to fall deeper into a low he can’t seem to get out of. Everything hurts. Everything hurts and nothing seems to make it better so he decides he must have to change in order to stop it. And the only way he can seemingly change is if he takes after the roots he’s only dug up now.

To try and start anew , Glinda proposes they move to Auroria. He finishes prep school and graduates at eighteen , moving onto University ; but the change of scenery means only it’s a different palace and a different area with a bunch of faces that will also probably judge him for being different. He’s always been a quiet loner of a child - and he wants it to end.

So yes , he starts going out more. And in that sense , he starts making himself more social with parties and drinking and smoking and learning to do things his mother can’t imagine. He makes a reputation for himself as a DELINQUENT as he starts to act out , getting into fights with people he disagrees with and even using that magic she taught him for petty vengeance. Also , for business - since he’s growing talented with potions and enchantments.  

While maybe he’s opened back up to his mother , he’s still different. He’s no longer sweet and trusting and his heart is no longer upon his sleeve - instead , there’s a MASK , a mask of cockiness and callousness to hide the fact he still hurts , and he throws himself into discomforting situations to dedicate himself to acting like he’s someone he isn’t. And the more he plays into this , the more he wonders about who he really is , and who the identity of ‘ Cyrus Goode ’ is.

It used to be easy to answer the question , ‘ Are you a good witch or a bad witch ?? ’

Now . . . he’s not so sure. And with now people coming from where his mother lies , he’s wondering if he can figure out that answer. Especially maybe if he can fit in with people . . . like him.

CHARACTER & FACTS

So yES thank u sm for reading that super long backstory !! Again Cyrus is one of my deeply beloved OCs , he’s a rly confused boy trying to figure out who he is while also trying to convince himself he’s someone he isn’t to lessen his pain of being hurt. That being said , lemme be frank - how he is on the outside vs. how he is on the outside are two very different things.

On the OUTSIDE , he’s a cocky loudmouth who probably gets into way more trouble than he needs in. He’s also willing to indulge into more risks considering he thinks it’s going to numb him. A party boy through and through , he’s . . . an acquired taste. He acts careless , like he’s invincible and there’s nothing you can do to break him.

But on the INSIDE , he’s still sad , lonely , scared - but immensely sweet and soft. There’s a part of him that still wants to be himself , to openly trust and love and all - but he doesn’t think that’s an option anymore since he let himself get hurt so easily. But he’s not proud of the person he’s becoming but he doesn’t think . . . he has many options.

Sometimes , though , that mask will crack , and Cyrus will break. Sometimes it’s when he needs a release , and other times it’s unwarranted. He’s so afraid of that happening in front of other people since the fear of being vulnerable is too real , since he’s worried that’ll lead to him being taken advantage of again.

So even if he does have a lot of ‘ friends, ’ not many he’s close with. And while he has a habit of flirting and sleeping around , relationships aren’t his thing - despite the fact he actually WANTS love and validation and affection to a t.

But that isn’t to say his charm is fake - no , not at all. He’s naturally a bit of a charming kid , extremely observant with body language and reading the atmosphere. And he’s pretty good at keeping a conversation , genuinely knowing the right spots to hit as well as how to keep a conversation going on how to end it. It’s what makes people want to keep him around despite the fact he can be fucking annoying at times.

He’s a good kid underneath everything - there’s just a lot of confusion & denial & fear covering it. 

He’s EXTREMELY talented & bright in both magic and art !! He’s fond of painting and sketching and often expresses his true emotions in his artwork - it’s a bit why he’s so hesitant to show him to people.

And magic.... well , Glinda taught him everything he knows. And his own studies made for him to teach himself valuable practices , as well.

He’s a practicing witch religiously , as well. Crystals , sigils , tarot cards , etc. He’s an expert in all of it. He almost ALWAYS has at least one crystal on his person - and a lot of the jewelry he wears is enchanted. 

SPEAKING OF JEWELRY & AESTHETICS ,,,, dude’s fashion sense has changed a bit since he’s tried to embrace more of his inner West Witch but I will say. Both styles are cute.

When he was more in tune with his ‘Good Witch’ side , he wore very nice silver , blue , white etc. vests with glittery patterns over nice white shirts with rolled up sleeves. Yk how Glinda has her crown ?? He had ( and still has ) multiple bejeweled headbands bc frankly they look cute on him. 

Over tIME THOUGH he’s definitely embraced the ‘witch in all black’ thing 100%. Likes the big, floppy black hats and almost always has a black headband to accompany it. Choker necklaces, biker gloves, leather jackets - also his own pair of ruby boots , but they’re not powerful or anything they just look cute. Also almost always has some pair of sunglasses on bc they make a nice accessory even when you’re wearing them on the top of your head and not ur face.

And again - both ways , 100% is always wearing a few crystals and enchanted pieces of jewelry. 

To express himself a bit more he’s also gotten a few tattoos !! Mainly on his arms for now , but there’s one exception since he has a teeny , tiny star on his right cheek. It looks more like a little freckle if you’re not up close - but other than that , it’s stars and stuff along his arms as well as sigils , spells , etc.

He’s definitely not as strained w/ his mom rn since he’s taken a chance to like. Think things over. Since it’s been about 4-5 years since the initial reveal his biological mother is Theodora. While he’s still very confused about . . . everything , he stills takes walks with his mom through her garden and routinely talks to her about stuff. Maybe it’s not super duper close like before , but it’s better than four years ago. 

It takes a lot to earn his trust. Like , a shit ton. If u rly wanna form a close bond with him and earn his trust ur gonna have to work for it bc Cyrus is determined to not let himself get hurt again and that means he’s extremely guarded.

Still has that water allergy : ( But it’s not all liquids it’s just !! Pure / natural water. So the more gunked up the water is with a solute , the less likely it is to make him sizzle.

Also has 100% taught himself how to ride a broom thx to his mother aka ‘SURRENDER DOROTHY’

and also smoke cigarettes out of crushed poppy seeds bc again, gotta stay tru to mother

Again I think I specified this earlier ago bt he’s determined to try and fit in with at least some Isle kids since . . . his mother’s on the Isle. She’s a villain. His mom is Glinda but his mother is Theodora and he wants to be closer to her and he thinks he’s sort of doing so by embracing the Isle kids and wanting to be a part of them.

I still feel like he’s very. Teeter tottery on it since he grew up in Auradon and probably has some meaningful connections there and he doesn’t want to say goodbye to that but also he learns now it’s by a twist of fate he didn’t end up on the Isle and almost wonders if he was meant to.

I’m going very ‘Fire Emblem Fates’ on this idk I just found the idea of an AK adopted when he was supposed to be a VK as. Intriguing.

He’s also dealing w/ like. If his Mom ever decides to like , retire or something ?? Is he the next Good Witch of the South or is he destined to be the next Wicked Witch of the West ??? It’s tough.

Also bc I forgot to mention it already !! He’s panromantic pansexual and 6′3 bc I fckin said so. May or may not have researched height spells to make himself taller.

I also just wanna let u all know if this intro seems v. Serious I promise u Cyrus is a witty memefucker and not in a Luke ‘deadpan snarker’ way he’s just. Loudmouthed n uncensored and makes jokes at every given minute he can bc eVERYONE likes a funny guy.

Again he’s like. A comfort character. This dude means so much to me n I’m so excited to throw him at u guys.  

I wanted 2 list characters that helped inspire who he is today bt. I think I might save that 4 like... a graphic or smth. :^)

WANTED CONNECTIONS & PLOTS 

PLEEEEASE GIVE ME OLD FRIENDS OF HIS IN AURADON THAT KNOW HOW SOFT HE IS INWARDLY

Also friends that r just. Rly shocked by how much he’s changed. and kinda miss how he used to be before he got hurt : (

friends that sorta prefer how he’s changed?? maybe partygoing friends n stuff???

folks who are lowkey ‘wow goode got cool/hot/badass/etc.’ bc it’s definitely a signficant Shift

VKs who are encouraging him to embrace tht side of him more n dig down to his roots !!

AKs who are encouraging him to not have to try n change for that n be how he always was !!

Ppl in general who just rly would like for him to be himself and embrace who he is rather than trying to stick to a single side !!

AKs who see him as kind of like. A traitor 4 wanting to get close with the VKs

VKs who see him as too much of an AK and r basically like ‘idc if ur mother literally coined the term ‘wicked witch’ u can’t sit with us.

Rly I’m just so addicted to this ‘CHOOSE A SIDE’ thing like I generally find that as a plot so. Interesting n I def want all the connections that are sort of impacted by it since Cyrus is discovering so much abt himself

I also wld love some folks in generals he can like... be soft around. Let down his walls around. Slowly they get to know him and take the time and patiently earn his trust even tho he rly is a lot to handle.

Ppl who solely like him for the fact he can do magic bc again haha y’all can deffo use him idm

Ppl who rly dislike him whether it be for the fact he acts like a cocky dick on the outside or they don’t like how he’s trying to change himself and he doesn’t seem authentic at all literally Cyrus can b kind of sucky so pls make ppl dislike him. None of my OCs get along w/ him. Luke maybe dated him for a day n got tired already. 

He’s a lot 2 handle.

Okay he’s kind of a flirt like Luke and even tho he’s not nearly on their self-proclaimed philanderer level he still kinds. Gets around so pls gimme hookups on either end

Old crushes he used to have in Auradon when he was a lil kid, in middle school, high school w/e that never happened for whatever reasons

Also an angsty unrequited crush bc I love pain

Exes that were folks he tried to date in Auradon after he got hurt bt it just. Didn’t work out for w/e reason - probably bc Cyrus is terrified of getting hurt again.

Would also lov that one longterm relationship that lasted for like. A year or so while Cyrus was going through his shit that was probably rly good for him and they though it’d last but he had to break it off out of his own fear : (

First healthy love plot based off of San Francisco by TDE per piacere?

Listen I kno I already have a first love plot wanted for Luke bt this one’s sad for dIFFERENT REASONS 

I’d lov like ?? A will they/won’t they where Cyrus kind of has to open up n’ stuff before they can rly be together and it’s just up in the air even tho there are mUTUAL feelings ?? I wanna explore the relationship part of this tho instead of just. Throwing them into a ship n the next day they’re 2gether. Also would have to b discussed when seeing chemistry between the characters since. Ya.

WLD DEF B OPEN 2 A POLY WILL THEY/WONT THEY TOO

I already cleared thru enemies but again pLS GIVE ME RELATIONSHIPS THAT SHIFT BETWEEN LIKE. FRIENDS TO ENEMIES. EXES TO ENEMIES. ENEMIES TO FRIENDS. BACKSTABBING BITCHES. THAT SHIT. I LOVE IT. GIVE ME THE DRAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Thats it.

me: i kno i just listed the obligatory shippy stuff but i want to remind u again i love it when other characters hate mine

I love just exploring. Connections and relationships between characters in general whether they’re hostile, platonic, romantic, etc. like I love exploring that stuff like I’m here 4 everything.

ibh sometimes i worry abt posting shippy connections just bc i dont wanna give the impression thATS ALL I WANT even tho i think i listed more non-shippy connections than shippy

...i still worry.

bt yeah licherally give me anything. I’m a plot hoe even tho I suck at it.

[theboykingofhell]

what drugs have you tried and what were they like? have you ever tried ketamine?

i have tried coke, mdma, shrooms, lsa/morning glory and adderall!! i haven’t tried ketamine and don’t rly plan to cuz it doesn’t seem like my type of drug but who knows, man…

oh let me preface by saying everything besides the lsa i took while either drunk or stoned (or both…almost always both)… i RLY like mixing drugs but if you dont know about the multiplier effect, different drugs getting taken at once will have a different(and usually stronger) reaction than taking it by itself, so my experiences with everything might be WAY different than the norm, who knows

coke i didnt particularly like and i MIIIIGHT try it one more time like if it just happens to be in the area i wouldnt turn it down probably but i thought it was EH. (i was also drunk, stoned, and had mdma in my system, so).. it def gave me more energy, it made my tongue and hands numb, there was a slight like jittery feeling behind my eyes, like my vision itself was buzzing a lil which made looking at things fun… honestly tho? it just made me feel manic. i’m manic all the time, bruh, dont need a drug to help me with that… 2/10 not in a rush to try again

mdma i LOOOOOVED…. it and shrooms are tied for my favorite drugs holy FUCK. again, i think its a drug that most people use to elevate mood because, again, it booted me towards feeling manic, but i feel like it was a little calmer with mdma than with coke (aka no jitters, no bursts of energy rly, it felt more subtle). everything got nice and loose which was nice. when you’re moving it’s GREAT, it just fades into the background and just makes everything feel more intense and makes you feel more present in it. every time i was still, tho, i NOTICED it, because it would all whoosh into my head (i get like that when i’m stoned too so that could’ve been cuz of the pot). MDMA MAKES SEX S O GOOD I CAME FAR TOO MUCH AND IT ALMOST KILLED ME LMFAO. it just makes skin feel.. REALLY GOOD…. NICE GOOD FEELS… like i’m constantly just almost JUST able to float out of my skin and HAVING skin is the only thing keeping me from levitating up into the sky, it’s wonderful. usually you get a crash after taking it where you get depressed apparently but i didn’t ever get like that the times i did it. also, mdma would make me hallucinate a little… don’t know why! they were mostly all visual and almost always the same one, i would start seeing little kalaidescopes everywhere and the colors were always green to purple to red and all these made-up colors in between…. and this would happen if i tried to focus on one thing for more than 5 seconds… for a while afterwards those little hallucinations would come back, at first with the same like NICE GOOD FEELS and later it’d just be the hallucinations themselves… usually triggered by coming cuz both times i tried mdma i ended up having sex on it SO YEAH… DEF RECOMMEND, DRINK LOTS OF WATER

shrooms.. are… i have a tag dedicated to the experience lmfao. i’ve had it 3 times, and it was always after eating an edible at some point beforehand. i have a friend who had a rly bad trip once and another who, after doing acid (and having a fine trip), ended up getting triggered into a psychotic break, so i was worried about freaking out and i found that just getting a little stoned beforehand keeps me relaxed the whole time but also made the high stronger…  it’s just amazing. incredibly spiritual, a LOT more physical than i thought it would be. it’s… all-encompassing. my friend and i, after we did it together, explained it like…you TRY and explain it but it’s something you only rly have words for it while you’re on it, and you just lose the ability to fully, accurately comprehend it when you return. like, at times i felt like i WAS god, at time i felt like i was being hurtled through universes, at times i felt the LITERAL FABRIC OF REALITIES like i could SEE THEM and i could dip my fingers through them and i could see the strings of time and fucking touch them and it’s so powerful and visceral and REAL… it’s honestly insane. i described it AS going insane, like at points i just… would see the state in my mind labeled ‘sanity’ and i phased through it and went beyond. you become so… wise???? you suddenly have access to languages and colors and senses that never and always existed??? but i also can’t stress just how STUPID you get. conversations would go from describing the secrets of life and death and the universe to thinking you turned into a chipmunk.. my friend nearly fucked his guitar and, tbh, i almost did to,,,. sometimes i couldn’t stop moving and other times i would just be laying on the floor completely stil before SUDDENLY JOLTING UP AND SCREAMING cuz my soul had floated out of my body, danced through a star and suddenly CRASHED back into my flesh vessel. the longest trip was 4 hours… all my hallucinations that i had were visual or tactile, the visual ones were very innocent and subtle… like, one trip, everything would get fuzzy in a way where it looks like someone had painted the world with smears of watercolors.. but my friend, who took WAY stronger shrooms (THE strongest, while i took the weakest) would literally SEE ducks and cubes and shit morphing in front of him… EVERYTHING is weird, like all your senses switch places with each other and suddenly you can touch with your eyes and taste sounds and music got RLY scary and i wish i got to see what sex on shrooms is like but.. alas…

LSA is something a lot of ppl have never heard of, so let me explain it!! morning glory is a type of flower… the seeds contain something called LSA which is PRETTY MUCH a natural form of acid… so, if you eat enough of the seeds it will make you trip!!! it was the first drug i ever took (even before drinking and smoking)… it lasted a long LONG time, like 16 hours straight. i would see rainbows like emenating from every tree and also i rolled pantless on my carpet for like half of those hours cuz the sense of touch was so NIIICE it just made everything feel so nice and warm, i would get a lot of ripples of sensation and i was HYPERaware of my insides which felt gross and made eating impossible but it was a great experience, especially if it’s your first time trying drugs +o+ warning it does make a lot of people nauseous tho, i was fine but if anyone tries it, make sure to wash it RLY well because these are quite literally flower seeds so they are covered in pesticides..

adderall i’m putting here cuz it’s something i use recreationally, i’ve never had it prescribed but i love it SO much. mostly i just use it to keep me grounded… sometimes pot makes me rly paranoid and anxious (and i don’t even have an anxiety disorder so i have absolutely NO basis or idea how to cope with it so i freak out twice as much) and i’m just very uncomfortable with being… ‘chill’? it makes me feel nonfunctional haha so i usually take adderall with it to be able to function again. when i take a shitload it can make me very jittery tho, like… cranked up with caffiene jitters… the FIRST TIME i tried adderall was the best time because, god, the FOCUS of adderall combined with the impulsiveness of being drunk holy FUCK. SO fun. it’s just a nice thing to keep you composed when you’re doing a lot of party drugs, especially once you get used to it and know how to monitor it well. it’ll keep you tethered to a certain level while also making that level stronger… LOTS of bad effects with it though so this rly is one to be careful of but it’s so useful goddamn

AND YEAH THAT’S IT SO FAR…. like literally so many of my friends are into trying shit (actors, man..) so who knows what i’ll have to add to this list by next year jnlggs

[grammarkid]

I am so god damn in love with this lady I met online. She lives on the opposite coast of the US as I do and seriously, she's so smart and talented and beautiful and hot as all get out (she has tattoos you would not believe, omg). And we've talked a lot (like a lottt) and she's interested. She's ten years older than me and that's not an issue for me but I worry that if we meet up I'll be too childish for her. Ugh life quite honestly. There's a part 2 to this. Oh it gets so much more complex.

Part 2 buckaroo. She’s also married in a good way!!! Like a very loving relationship with an equally exceptional woman and she’s poly and her wife is 100% okay with that. BUT ALSO what if her wife doesn’t like me? Cause I would never do anything to come between them cause that is the shittiest thing to do seriously. They’re both so happy together. I cannot even. But my god I love lady 1 and I don’t want her wife to go, ‘ditch that kid’ not that I really think she would but like also. Gah.

Part 3 of my love life being a fucking mess. So she’s already 100% settled and has a good career and I’m like, not even out of college yet so, yeah, I’m not even sure why she’d ever be interested in trying anything rn. Like maybe the me in five years time would be attractive cause I’d (hopefully) have a law job by then but like???? A lot happens in 5 years time and I really really like her and I don’t want to stop talking with her because she makes me smile all the tiiimmeee.

Here’s part 4 because fuck me honestly. So I dunno. I might have the chance to see her in Aprilish but like?? Who knows?? That’d be real cool but good lord that makes me nervous. And hell, I’ve never been in a relationship before, what if I just fuck everything up?? That’d be shit is what it would be. So anyway. I haven’t told anyone all this (6 months in and good god I would throw down for her jfc) and this was a very nice outlet. So thanks for listening to this rant. You’re great and wonderful

Part 5 or somethin I dunno. But I didn’t mean to worry you with all of that just, needed to put all that down. So yeah. Thanks again. You’re lovely and beautiful byeeee~~~~~

hey, i’m putting this all in one to answer it more easily, hope you don’t mind! 

first of all, wow. that sounds like a really crazy situation, friend. i’m not all that great with romantic advice – trust me, i almost ruined my relationship with my girlfriend before we even got together – but, hey, i can try to give it a shot?

idk, i know a lot of people have different views on age and all that, but i try not to be judgmental as long as both people involved are adults. all i can say from experience is that even though you may really like and get along with someone who’s older/younger than you, things can get difficult when that person… can’t relate to life experiences that are crucial to you at this point in time. (i have a lot of friends who are younger than i am, so it gets kind of frustrating when i have to explain to them, no, i don’t have an extra twenty dollars lying around bc i have to pay my rent/bills and also eat this week, you know?) but some people can make the age thing work! it really just takes patience and a willingness to understand where the other person is coming from.

about her wife, well, hey. she’s probably a really great person! and you’re also a really great person! idk, i’d try not to think of it as ‘hey, she might try to get rid of me,’ but instead ‘hey, maybe we can be really good friends and bond over our love for this woman we’re both crazy about!’ (sry if that’s naive or something. :// i don’t really have any experience with poly relationships.)

i’m basically the worst person in the world to tell you, ‘hey, go get her, tiger!’ bc i’m a rly firm advocate for hiding under the covers and whining about the things that scare me or make me anxious – but if you have an opportunity to meet her and it’s cool with her wife, then go for it! i mean, it could help you put things into perspective, you know? it could help determine whether that rly happy spark of talking online is real in person or whether it’s awkward and stuff like that, and whether it would be worth it to pursue more, despite the odds. and if you make a mess of things – we’re human. we make messes. good relationships aren’t a porcelain veneer of perfection, they’re well-grounded structures that take a few bumps and bruises to figure out. sometimes things crumble and come toppling down so hard you think it’s all gone, but that just means the next time you start building, you’ll know which areas need a bit more support than others!

gosh. idk, man, idk. i feel like dr. phil over here. i’m so lame.

regardless of whether it does become something more, if she makes you smile, talk to her! talk to her until you’re blue in the face or your fingers are numb from typing so much! there’s so much darkness in the world, my dude. we gotta hold onto the things that make the days a little brighter. :)