#but the needle was fucking huge my mom said she was waiting for it to just go thru my entire toe and come out the other side lmfao

[whumpshaped]

I'm probably super late & no pressure to respond but I want to share a scar story! (Maybe it can inspire writers who want to read a firsthand experience about some OUCHITY OUCH pain.)

I have a tiny straight line of a scar along the nail of my big toe. But the interesting bit is just, the painful part tbh. It's wild but might be squick. So again, no need to respond or read it all. Bail if it gets too squick. Nothing life threatening or gorey, just big ouchers.

(CW: I had a Matrixectomy/partial nail removal. But he forgot the local anesthetic.)

I was like 14 yrs old and had a really infected spot on my toe where my nail had become ingrown that kept getting infected again if I stubbed my toe etc. so my mom took me to a medical clinic & they performed a Matrixectomy. But without a local anesthetic.

So it's one nurse, one doctor guy and my mom. He just gets right to it after all of the tools are brought out and was pushing teeny mini scissors/cutters into the infected skin area that was really tender and painful by just barely walking on it, cutting a straight line on my nail to the base of the nail to remove the problem area. With No injection for numbing. I was like a 90lb stickboy of a beanpole but my mom had to help the nurse hold my legs down bc it was so hard to stay still and not roll around in pain. I tried not to cry too much and didn't scream bloody murder because I didn't want to inconvenience the doctor or freak my mom out but that shit HURT. Then he applied the acid with a q-tip or something that scars the area so the nail in that section doesn't grow back. That also hurt.

Once it was over I sat up and nearly passed out so they had to make me lay back down, & brought me a wet towel for my forehead. Once I was good to get up we walk out the door to pay or whatever, idr, I just know I almost passed out in the hall on the way to the counter, and then one more time in the parking lot before I got in the car to go home. The gauze was so tight my toe was throbbing, I was literally just writhing in pain on my mom's bed for 1 or 2 hrs till I loosened the wrapping and the pain finally went down enough that I could sleep it off with an Ibuprofen.

A couple weeks later the nail still curled into my skin and got infected again. 🫠 I nearly cried when I saw the pus it was gross and I didn't want to go through the procedure again, I was an anxious wreck over it. We go to another clinic, get told the first guy did it wrong/incorrectly somehow, then get directed to a podiatrist to fix it for real this time.

That podiatrist was the nicest doctor in the world. When the nurse brought out the tray with the tools right before they were going to start my eyeballs took one look at the instruments and just WEPT without my say-so. It didn't even feel like crying. It just felt like water coming out of my eyeballs without my consent. They were so understanding about it. 😭 I felt like I was being a big fat wuss, or a crybaby. But I was scared. "Sorry. I'm good. It just really hurt last time." And they'd heard the story so they knew so I was gonna trust them to NOT do that they reassured both my mom and I they'd make sure it didn't hurt.

Then he injected the local anesthesia to numb my toe and get to work. All I felt was him vaguely pushing my toe around for a better angle and a little bit of pressure and then bam. It was over and done. 0 pain whatsoever. It was fuckin INCREDIBLE. 20/10 experience.

IDK why that first guy kept going when the patient was clearly in so much pain or distressed he had to be held down. I was like 14. >:( But it makes for a good story to tell.

& that's my traumatic scar horror story of the smallest scar I have. :D

THATS INSANE. SOME DOCTORS ARE SO DUMB AND SHOULD NOT BE PRACTISING. also yeah i know abt this procedure bc .. i obsessively watch videos w it.. dont even. dont even say anything. i know. i know.

im soooo sorry u went thru that shit thats so bad. but im glad it got fixed later.

[misseviehyde]

COS-PLAYED

PART 1

Linda knew that taking down Alice the evil brat would help her kill two birds with one stone. Not only was Alice directly bullying her daughter Rose, but she was also dating her sons bully Jason. Dealing with her would hopefully protect both her children.

Alice was one of these slutty e-girl types who was hugely successful online with thousands of simp followers. Linda didn't much understand the world of social media and streaming - but just because the girl was a rising celebrity, that wasn't going to stop her from confronting her.

She knew that Alice was a hugely successful cosplayer. Her costumes were said to be amongst the best looking ever - no one knew where she got them from. Maybe her rich and powerful Daddy got them for her, but no one knew for sure.

Regardless - Linda was determined to confront her.

Linda had waited till Alice's parents were out and then she banged on the door. The bored blonde e-girl rolled her eyes as she saw the much older woman on her doorstep.

"Like what the fuck do you want old lady?" she yawned twirling a piece of gum round a manicured finger.

"I want to talk to you about my children. I want you to leave Rose alone and tell that disgusting boy Jason to lay off my Sam too."

Alice giggled, "OMG - you're those two losers Mom? No wonder they are so pathetic. Eugh, I can't believe you like came over here to threaten me. Like am I supposed to be scared?"

Linda felt her anger rise at the insolence of this little brat. She pushed her way into the house.

"Hey - you can't come into my house," shrieked Alice in outrage. "You're fucking crazy lady. I'm calling my Daddy."

Alice turned to run to her room where her mobile phone was and in a panic Linda followed her. She wasn't quite sure what she thought she was going to do but as she burst into Alice's room behind her - her heart was hammering.

She barely had time to take in the scene. A weird machine stood in the centre of the floor. It had a large funnel shaped hopper on top and next to it Alice was grabbing her phone and already trying to ring her Daddy.

With a gasp Linda grabbed Alice and the two women fought, struggling and crashing around the room till with a shriek, Alice suddenly lost her balance and fell into the hopper.

There was a wet sucking sound and Linda's mouth dropped open as she watched Alice sucked down into the hopper. Impossibly her body seemed to fold in on itself, shrinking and emptying as it descended.

A tube on the bottom of the machine sprung open and an empty skin with long blonde hair popped out with a ping.

"Oh my God," groaned Linda in horror. "I didn't mean to kill her... I... but wait... I mustn't panic - I need to think."

Picking up the skin from the floor Linda held it up and noticed it had seams in it. The machine had turned Alice into a costume! The skin was incredibly soft and stretchy - it still even felt warm. It was like it was... alive.

Looking down at the apparatus she began to understand. This was some sort of costume making machine. No wonder Alice had the most realistic cosplays.

Maybe there was some way to reverse the effect of the machine and turn Alice back to normal? She had to figure it out.

Suddenly Alice's phone began to ring. There was only one word on the screen. DADDY.

"Shit," gasped Linda realising that in the confusion Alice must have managed to call her Daddy for a moment and he was now calling back concerned.

Panicking she picked up the bodysuit and without really knowing why she pulled the face over her own.

Alice's tight young skin stretched and then snapped into place. Linda felt a pricking like millions of pins and needles then suddenly she could feel soft blonde hair around her ears and the taste of cherry lipgloss. Her teeth felt different, smoother and more perfect. She reached up to touch her face and gasped at the feeling of young soft skin.

"Oh my God," she gasped and her voice was the voice of Alice.

The phone was still ringing - so picking it up she answered.

"Hello ummm Daddy."

"Alice. Are you okay? Why are you calling me?"

"Ohhh ummm I was just errrrr..." Linda's eyes roved around the room. "I was just having some problems with the costume machine in my room. Do you know if it's possible to reverse the effects if you use it Daddy?"

"Baby - be careful with that thing. I told you it's not a toy. I'd get into a lot of trouble if you were caught with that thing. But anything my girl wants - she gets. I'm not sure about reversing the process - but I'll ask my research team."

"Ohhh okay ummmm thanks Daddy."

As she spoke Linda was amazed at how easy it was to ape Alice's mannersims and speech patterns. It was almost like the knowledge of how to do so was in her head, accesible at the periphery of her thoughts. Were Alice's memories inside the suit as well?

Breathing a sigh of relief Linda hung up then slowly began to peel Alice's face away. She felt strangely reluctant to do so. Alice's face felt good. She stopped and she felt the skin tighten on her face again... almost possessively.

Turning to the mirror Linda looked at her beautiful pouty features. Alice's bratty face looked back at her with wet pink lips and mischevious eyes. Thick e-girl makeup covered her slutty features... she looked... hawt.

Linda wondered what it would feel like to wear the entire skin? A terrible temptation grew within her and the face in the mirror seemed to be egging her on.

Yessss that's it you old shrivelled bitch. Put me on entirely. See how it feels to be young, tight and hot.

Linda's fingers went to her buttons as she began to rationalise the growing urge within her.

"Alice's Daddy needs time to come through with a reverse process, I guess that means I may need to impersonate Alice again. One little try of her body can't hurt."

That's right bitch - slip inside. Wear the body of the alpha-slut who has been bullying your own children.

Linda gasped as she tore off her clothing and finding the seams to the suit began to climb inside. The skin should have been too small - but it seemed to stretch to accomodate Linda's girth then tighten to squeeze her down to the right size.

"Ohhhhh fuck yesssss," panted Linda in Alice's sexy voice as she felt her body crushed and squeezed down into that of a tight little slut. She giggled as she wiggled her now perfect bottom and stretched her lithe young body as the seams sealed invisibly. Only a tiny catch was left on the back of her neck under her hair. She felt amazing.

"Wow, I'm so fucking cute and hot now," gloated Linda as she paraded up and down in Alice's body. "I can't believe how good this feels."

Naked she ran hands over her firm perky tits and inevitably towards her already wet pussy. "Oh my GAWD my little kitty is so fucking tight," she squealed as she slid a finger inside. "I forgot how good a tight pussy feels."

Throwing open Alice's wardrobe Linda got dressed. A sexy purple sweater, tight daisy dukes and white knee socks with converse trainers and she was ready.

She realised that she was able to channel and absorb all of Alice's bitchy memories whilst wearing the skin. As a result, this outfit was exactly like one Alice would wear. Turning to face the mirror she giggled to see that she had adopted Alice's body mannerisms and posture.

"OMG - I totally look and sound just like that bitch. No one would ever know the difference."

Picking up Alice's phone, she giggled as it unlocked automatically - recognising her biometrics. As she scrolled through the various contacts and apps - she realised she now knew all these people. The skin was giving her all the knowledge she needed and the longer she was inside, the more Alice's memories sat in her mind like they were her own. She wondered if she'd be able to access them once she took off the skin?

"Now then, what shall I do as Alice?"

************

Linda groaned... legs spread wide and pussy high in the air as she bent over the bed and Jason ploughed her like the tight little slut she was now.

"Ohhhh fuckkkkk" she squealed... her tight pussy lips gripping every inch of his eight inch cock as he expertly ploughed her so deeply she could feel it all the way up to her tummy.

She was so fucking wet. Her husband Donald had NEVER fucked her like this.

"Fuck baby, you're so horny tonight. What's gotten into you?"

Linda wanted to laugh hysterically, if only Jason knew! Instead she looked over her shoulder and bit her lip. "Shut up and fuck me harder."

She groaned as he grinned, slapping her ass hard and driving her down into the bed so he could just fuck her harder.

It just felt so fucking good. Part of her was disgusted by what she was doing, but the rest loved it. After all - she'd spent night after night comforting her son as he described how Jason bullied and tormented him.

Now she was letting the same bastard that terrorised her son rail her and she was loving every moment.

It had just sort of... happened. She'd gone round to Jason's thinking of using her new body to punish him or getting him to change his ways.

The minute she'd seen him she'd felt her new body respond... her heart start beating faster... her pussy getting wetter. When he'd slid his strong arms around her waist she had been ready for him.

Jason's hands were in her hair his voice in her ear as he pounded her with long slow confident thrusts. "I know what will make you cum even harder babe. I know you love it when I tell you how mean I've been to the losers at school. You should have seen that nerd Sam crying after I flushed his head down the toilet."

"Ohhhhhhh fuckkkkkkk."

To her horror Linda felt her body respond. There was just something so fucking hot about the thought of her boyfriend dominating her son. Wait... her boyfriend?

"Shit... that's it baby... you love being a mean spoiled bitch don't you? You love being a souless vain bullying bitch. Say it..."

Yessss that's it... you wanna be a bad girl. Feel how wet your pussy is...

"Ohhhhh fuck... I love being a bully... yessss fuck me deeper baby. Tell me how you bully those losers. I love it."

Linda screamed as she began to cum and Jason slapped her ass again.

It felt so good to be bad.

**********

Linda giggled as she saw her phone had eleven missed calls from her daughter Rose.

What does that fucking reject loser want? Probably wondering why her fat loser Mom isn't home yet.

Linda hesitated. It was getting late. By now Sam and Rose would be in a panic. Her husband would be losing his mind.

She reached up to her neck... to the clasp. She needed to take off the skin.

Why? Why not leave it on? No one knows what you did. Why not become a bullying spoiled bitch and enjoy this life forever?

"Nooooo, what's wrong with me?" she gasped.

Face it bitch, you're loving what the skin is doing to you. Losing your identity, losing yourself to Alice. You WANT the skin to merge with you to become you. You've never been wetter or more turned on.

"No... I have a family... a family I love!"

With a scream Linda reached up and found the clasp. She tore off the skin, panting and groaning as she tore off Alice and staggered out of her with a wet sucking sound.

Groaning she lay shivering and naked. Then slowly her breathing steadied and sitting up she looked at the skin with a mixture of disgust and longing.

She had narrowly escaped - but already the longing to become Alice again was growing. Gathering up the skin she stuffed it into a bag and pulled on her clothes.

Trying not to think about the Alice costume in her bag she grabbed her things and slipped out of Alice's house.

It was late and she needed to be home. She needed to see her kids and her husband.

She needed to hide Alice and never wear her again till she could turn her back.

How hard could it be?

*************

Like, comment, reblog and message me if you'd like a part 2. Maybe someone else will get inside Alice... or maybe Linda will have another go?

[thewhitejournal]

kind words .

Aaron Hotchner x Female!Reader oneshot

request: Hi, I was wondering if you could write an Aaron Hotch x shy reader where Hotch is always careful and gentle around the reader, but one day he yells at her in the middle of talking (maybe she messed up on the case) and she immediately shuts up and won't look at him bc it scared her so bad? If that makes sense.

alright @lovely-lady-lumps , this one is for you! i really hope that you like it and that it lives up to your expectations.

like and reblog if you liked it! :)

content warnings: angst, cursing, talk of murder/crime/violence

The team stood around in the large and finely decorated dining room of the Peterson’s home. They were waiting on a call from the unsub, as it was in his M.O. to do so. The daughter, Kelly, of James and Miranda, had been kidnapped. She was only seventeen, and as with most cases involving kidnapped children, time is of the essence.

Emily and JJ were comforting the parents in the nearby living room; they were both too distraught to pick up the phone when the unsub called. You were the unsub’s type, a younger, innocent-sounding girl. As the new agent trainee of the BAU, there were a lot of learning experiences for you to have. This was one of them. Hotch had so much faith in you that you could handle this case, even though it was one of the more emotional ones.

It would be a lie to try and say Aaron Hotchner didn't make a lasting first impression on you the first day you met him. You had to be interviewed by him to join the BAU. It was one of the most nerve-wracking days of your life

You took a shaky breath as you stepped out of the elevator, walking into the room you would soon learn to be was called the bullpen, where all the other agents sat. You could feel every pair of eyes in the room on you, piercing through your skin like needles. You moved your feet with care up the stairs so as to not trip, like it was your first time walking up a set of them.

Agent Aaron Hotchner’s office was only a couple paces away now. Sure, you've had interviews before, but this one was different. This interview would decide the fate of your career for the rest of your life. Not to mention you'd heard plenty about the man conducting it; he was stern, strict, not to be messed with. He was a fearless leader and wouldn't take anyone’s shit. You'd even heard once that a bullet was fired right past his head at gunpoint and he didn't even flinch. Your anxiety and nerves were riding higher than ever.

Your knuckles rapped softly on the wooden door. ”Come in.”, you heard his voice sound from inside. Your breath shook as you exhaled and your shaky hand turned the knob, pushing the door open into his office. It was minimally decorated, and that's an overstatement. He had only a few personal items on his desk; pictures of him and what you assumed to be his son. He had a huge smile on his face, holding the child in his arms. The boy wore a soccer jersey and a smile to rival his father’s.

Agent Hotchner stood to greet you. Immediately you were intimidated by his height and overall presence. His hand was huge compared to yours, and warm in a comforting way. He gave you a small smile while shaking your hand, which made you feel a little better. ”Please, have a seat.” He said, gesturing to one of the leather armchairs that sat in front of his desk. You did as you were told.

The rest of the interview went smoothly, other than of course your occasional slip-up and stutter. But Hotch, which he said you could call him, always comforted you and spoke in a low, soft, gentle tone. This was the last thing you expected from a man like him.

Ever since then, he's always been so kind and helpful to you. How could you not fall for a man like that? Oh did you fall, hard and fast. The whole team certainly knew, but you weren't sure he did. They are all profilers after all. Prentiss, Garcia and JJ would lovingly tease you about him and always asked if either of you had made a move yet.

The answer was always ’no’; he was your superior in many ways, and you weren't even on the team officially. Reid and Morgan acted like a mix between older brothers and guys that still wanted you but knew Hotch had your heart, so they didn't dare overstep any boundaries. Rossi of course was like your father, advising you to be careful but that he would certainly make sure Aaron would never be found again if he hurt you. You knew it was all jokingly...hopefully.

Aaron stood over you, along with Rossi, Morgan, and Reid in the room. You let out a small, shaky breath as you waited for the phone call that should be coming any minute. You felt Aaron’s hand rest softly on your shoulder. He didn't say anything, but the gesture meant a million words. ”You can do this, (Y/N). I'm right here.” You could almost hear him whispering it into your ear.

The phone rang. The room was silent; all eyes were on you. A shaky breath escaped your lips, and you turned to look up at Aaron. His light brown eyes searched your face, dark brows furrowed as he tried to read your mind. With his job, it was almost entirely possible. He gave you a small nod; you took that as a sign to pick up the phone. You gathered as much courage as you could and pressed the button to answer it.

”Mmm...Miranda, my compliments to the chef. She takes right after you, curves in all the right places except even juicer...” The distorted voice filled the room. You cleared your throat.

”This is Agent (Y/N) (Y/L/N) with the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI. Can Kelly come home, please?” You tried to sound as innocent as possible. Aaron’s hand squeezed your shoulder reassuringly, then his hand fell to his side. You had to speak in a way that would praise the unsub, say what he wanted to hear. He was a dominant sexual sadist; pleasing the unsub was the only way to get Kelly back to her family.

”And how old are you, young lady?” You cringed at the way he said it, but you kept your composure.

”25, sir.” He groaned at this.

”Sounds like a fair trade to me. Tell me (Y/N), what are you wearing?” Unbeknownst to you, Aaron was fuming. He hated hearing someone talk to you like that. He wanted so badly to intervene, tell the unsub to shut the hell up. But the case depended on this ruse.

”A white blouse. Your turn.” You yourself were starting to get angry. All you wanted was to help get this family back together, but it felt like you weren't getting anywhere.

”Nothing but a smile, darling.”

”Kelly’s mom and dad really miss her. Can she come home?” The innocent tone returned to your voice. A deep and distorted chuckle came from the other end of the line.

”No, no. I think I’ll keep her a little while longer. You should come and join us though. You sound like you'd be a lot of fun.”

Your blood was boiling, anger was clouding your mind. Tears were pushing against your water line, a few making it down your cheeks. You were biting your lip so hard you thought it might bleed. Word vomit was bubbling up inside you, and as bad as you wanted to control it, it all came spilling out.

”How could you do this to such a loving family, you sick fucking psychopath? What the hell is wrong with you, you freak? Can't you see the pain you've caused this family?” Even more tears spilled onto your face, and your fingernails dug into the palms of your hand, knuckles so white they envied the walls. The unsub scoffed from the other end, there was a scream heard, and then silence as the line went dead. Reid and Morgan looked at you with widened eyes. Rossi looked almost proud. You could see Hotch shaking his head in your peripheral vision, pinching the bridge of his nose. Your stomach sank. You knew you’d messed up, and it hurt you to know you probably let Hotch down. That was the last thing you ever wanted to do.

Garcia called Morgan’s phone, and he answered it quickly. “Hey, baby girl. Tell us you got something.” He immediately put her on speaker.

“I traced the call. I’m sending everyone the location.”

“Thanks, baby.” Morgan hung up the phone and shared a look with everyone in the room, including you. You saw Hotch motion them on out of the corner of your eye, but Morgan held his hand up at Hotch for some reason. You felt Hotch’s hand clasp your shoulder, and you looked up at him. His face was stern and hard like stone.

“I’m going to talk to you when we get back.” He said in a harsh tone, with a voice full of anger. You watched him hurry off out the door and heard the SUV’s sirens turn on and they all pulled away. You hadn’t even noticed Morgan didn’t follow the rest of the team out the door, not until he pulled a chair out from the table and flipped it to where his chest met the back of the chair. His arms folded over each other, resting on the chair. He sighed. You turned your head to look at him; with this motion, tears you didn’t even know had formed fell on to your cheeks.

“Morgan, I-“, your voice broke. You loved Aaron, all the stolen looks and little kind gestures. You didn’t care if it was inappropriate to say so, it was the truth. One thing you never wanted to do was disappoint him, but it seems you’ve done just that.

“(Y/L/N), it’s okay. Not everyone on this team is perfect, including Hotch. I know you’re not even on the team yet, but there’s no way he’s gonna let you go. Do you know why?” You didn’t answer; you figured he was going to tell you why anyway.

“Because you’re one of the most talented little profilers I’ve ever met.”, he continued. “You’re kind and smart and you’re damn good at this job. We’ve all made mistakes, but that doesn’t mean we’re not good at what we do. Garcia found the location of the call, they will find her. It’ll be okay, (Y/N).”

You sighed, wiping the tears from your cheeks. You wanted to believe that, but it wasn’t a guarantee. Morgan got up and motioned you to do the same. He pulled you into his strong arms, and it took every ounce of energy you had not to break down and start sobbing into his t-shirt. Your arms wrapped around his back and you squeezed his body.

“Thank you, Derek.” You muttered. He didn’t respond; his lips placed a quick kiss to the top of your head. He gave you a ride back to the police station, where the team would eventually end up. The family followed suit.

The unsub was caught and arrested. You heard a commotion coming from outside; it was the press, trying to get pictures and interviews from the team, per the usual. You looked up to see Aaron walking through the door with the rest of the team, with the unsub in handcuffs, pushing him towards a holding cell. The unsub looked over at you, did a once over of your body, and winked at you. Aaron noticed this and shoved him along a little more forcefully. The action made your heart flutter a little.

JJ went over to the family and told them their daughter was in the hospital and that she was going to be okay. They cried and hugged and thanked her. Hotch came back from disposing of the unsub to the local police, along with a couple of members of the team. “Great work guys. Wheels up in thirty.”, he told them. His eyes met yours, and he gestured with his head to one of the empty detective’s offices. You got up and followed him, watching your feet the whole way. Even when you went into the room and shut the door behind you, everything in the office seemed a lot more interesting than looking at Aaron. The blinds were shut and the room was dark, save for a desk lamp.

“(Y/L/N), the way you handled that phone call was unacceptable. The entire case could’ve been compromised and that girl could’ve died! What the hell were you thinking? I told you to stick to a script, tell the unsub what he wanted to hear. Was that not clear enough for you?” His voice rang out through the empty office, bouncing off the walls and coming back to hit you in the chest. You wouldn’t look at him. Your throat hurt, and tears fell on to your cheeks. You had one arm across your chest and the other propped up on it, fist under your chin.

“(Y/N), say something.” His tone seemed a bit softer now. His hand reached out to rest on your arm, but you shrugged him off. He sighed. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I can’t be mad at you for getting emotional over this case, and this was a win for us anyway.” Your eyes finally met his.

His eyes were the soft, light brown that you loved. His lips were pressed into a thin line, apologetically you had to assume. You wanted to kiss him, but you knew that would be an overstep to your boundaries as a new agent trainee. His eyes flickered around your face, trying to read your emotions.

“Are you okay?” You nodded. He nodded back, in understanding. The tension in the air was so thick; you could hear your pulse in your ears and butterflies fought each other in your stomach. You were still looking at him, taking in every little detail of his face. He muttered for you to come here. You hesitated at first but stepped towards him. He pulled you into a hug, and you rested your head on his chest, taking in the moment along with a deep breath. He smelled almost like vanilla and something else you couldn’t quite put your finger on. His heart was pounding in his chest, which quite surprised you. You’d think he would be calm.

You pulled away from his chest, still in his arms. You could swear his eyes looked darker. Maybe it was his intoxicating smell or the fact that the room was spinning already, but you could’ve sworn he leaned into you. You copied his motion, lips only centimeters apart now. Blood rushed to your cheeks, making them feel hot. He closed the gap, kissing you gently. He pulled your body closer to his; you were now chest to chest. Your arms snaked up his chest and around his neck, pulling him closer to you.

The kiss deepened, and you heard him sigh; not one of annoyance, but one of happiness. He slowly pulled back from you, but didn’t meet your eyes. “(Y/N), I’m sorry, that was...unprofessional of me and-“ You silenced him by placing your lips on his again for a brief moment.

“I’ve wanted you to do that for a long time.” You both smiled at each other, lips meeting again. The team was probably getting impatient, but neither of you cared. Everyone won tonight.

[andysbubba]

friends [ two ]

-> steve’s your best friend. you know damn well that won’t change. [ also you’re really stubborn in this au and steve has to deal with that ]

AKA two idiots in love but one doesn't want to admit it

link to chapter one | two | three | four |

𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲'𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

-

10 years later, 2020

“How is it going with you two?” Bucky sips his coffee as he sits across you and Steve.

You raised an eyebrow at him. “What do you mean?”

“I would’ve expected a wedding invitation by now from both of you,” He looks at the two of you pointedly.

You choke on your latte and then glanced at Steve. “Seriously?”

Steve glances back at you and laughed, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck.

Bucky bursts out in laughter. “Shit. That was priceless!”

“Oh shut up, Buck.” Steve rolls his eyes at his friend.

“Yeah, Barnes. We’re just friends,” You nudge Steve with your shoulder. “Right, Steve?”

Steve shrugs and nods, leaning in front and picking up a fork to cut into his slice of chicken pie. “Yeah,”

Jesus. What was that stinging pain in your heart?

Steve left for the washroom and it was just you and Bucky.

“Bitch move, Y/N.”

You look at Bucky cluelessly. “What did I do?”

“That guy is hopelessly in love with you and you just told him that you two are just friends.” He pointedly says.

You roll your eyes in reply. “You’re exaggerating. He’s not hopelessly in love with me, Buck.”

“Say that to his lost, sad, depressed puppy dog face whenever you get into a new relationship.” Bucky kicks your leg under the table.

“You’re just bullshitting now, Barnes.”

There was no way Bucky was right. Your mum’s told you the same thing, so did Steve’s parents. And then there was Natasha who said something along the lines too. Lets not forget Sam either.

Steve being in love with you? That’s just impossible.

“You shouldn’t deny the truth, Y/L/N.”

Steve walks back to the table. “Deny what?”

You turn to Steve in slight surprise before you quickly recovered. “Bucky was just saying some things about-”

“-About how you’ve been in love with Y/N since you were kids,” Bucky interrupts you.

Steve blushes immediately, the pink flowing up to his pale cheeks and he stuttered a little. “W-what?”

You step on Bucky’s toes with your boots and glare at him. His knee shoots up and hits the table as he groans in pain.

You turned to Steve and smiled kindly, “Nope, Bucky was just playing with you,”

Steve nods and settles back on the seat beside you.

You thought to yourself while the two guys chat about yesterday’s baseball game.

Steve gets sad when you get into a new relationship? And then he gets awkward when you say that you two are just friends.

Damn it, Bucky.

But Steve’s just being Steve. He’s always awkward... right?

-

“I’m not even kidding, Nat. Like seriously, Steve? Liking me?” You huff.

“Think about it this way,” She was lying on the couch, her legs resting on your lap. “He has a lot of flings and ex girlfriends. But why did none of them last long?”

You look down at her. “Because he hasn’t found the right person?”

Natasha shrugs. “That could be one. But you two already act like a couple.” She shifted and sits up straight, turning to you seriously. “He’s looking around for something he already has. Except, it isn’t official.”

You were meeting Natasha so you ended up leaving the guys earlier at the cafe. Apparently, they were planning on having some guys night with Sam.

You frown at Natasha. “We don’t act like a couple.”

Nat raised an eyebrow at you with a ‘really’ expression. “You cuddle, you know what each other like and dislikes, he spends money on you, you spend money on him and you sleep together on the same bed.”

“Isn’t that the norm for best friends?”

Tasha rolls her eyes. “You don’t see Sam kiss my forehead before he goes home or see Bucky buy me an iPad, now, do you?”

“I’ve known Steve since I was one.” You pointed out.

This topic was seriously making you think like crazy. You didn’t even know you acted like a couple with Steve. Like seriously???

“Valid point. But do you really think his exes give a shit about that when he helps you put on your coat and shit?”

“But-”

Natasha laughs at you, completely stopping your speech. “Denial is not a good look on you, sweetie.”

You sigh as Nat stands up and heads into the kitchen.

She comes back out with two bottles of beer. “Listen, Y/N. All I’m saying is, maybe you don’t see it but everyone around you sees what’s going on.” She settles beside you on the couch. “Your brain just functions at a slower rate than others.”

You gasp and smack her arm harshly. “Rude!”

Nat bursts out in laughter before calming down and snuggled into you. “Just, if it’s meant to be, it will happen someday. Forcing things will only make it worse.”

“Does he really sulk when I get into relationships?” You rest your head on top of Natasha’s.

“Yeap!”

You sigh again. “Okay then, why do my relationships not last long?”

“Because the intimacy you want with said partner is already something you share with Steve.” Nat stops and tried to think of a way to convey her thoughts. “Minus the kisses and sex.”

You sighed for what seemed like the nth time that day. “Alright lets change topics. How are your ballet lessons going?”

-

You had some guy named Jake over at your place a few days after your girls night with Nat. It was just a one night thing and he was already in the corridor outside your apartment when Steve appeared from the stairs, slightly breathless.

You see his face drop when he sees the guy standing outside your door. Wait- why have you never seen that before? It wasn’t the first time Steve came over while there was a guy at your apartment?

Fuckfuckfuck. Damn it, Bucky. And Natasha.

“Hey, Steve.” You turn to Jake, or was it Jacob? “Bye, Joseph.”

Said guy just looks at you in shock. “It’s John.”

“Yeah, potato, potahto.” You flashed him a grim smile before dragging Steve into your apartment and leaving the John in the corridor.

“I’ll make breakfast?” You ask Steve, already making your way to the kitchen.

He follows closely behind you. “I’ll help. What do you want?”

“Mom’s congee?”

Steve looks at you in shock. “You’re the best.”

“I know, Stevie.” You wink at him. “Just fry the chicken. And cut the onions, please, I beg you.”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.” Steve hurriedly washed his hand and took whatever he needed from the fridge.

“You wanna call the others to hang out?”

Steve shrugs, “Up to you. But you call. I just washed my hands.”

You took out your phone and shoot a text to the groupchat. The one with Sam, Nat and Bucky.

Y/N: congee day

Y/N: no beer no entry.

Sam: OOOO

Nat: beer and congee? seriously?

Y/N: hey, no one’s forcing you to come nat ??

Sam: there in an hour. with beer.

Bucky: is steve making his fried chiken

Y/N: yeah

Nat: fine i’ll be there with bucky in 20 mins

Y/N: bring gummy bears please thank you ily

-

Steve glanced down at his smartwatch at raised his brows at your last text.

“Gummy bears, really?”

“Gummy bears and beer is literally the best thing Stevie,” You snort, “But of course you wouldn’t know since you’re an old hag, Steven.”

Steve gasps, looking at you in shock. “Did you just-”

You smirk at him, casually walking to the fridge. “You know I did, Rogers.”

You looked inside the fridge, completely not noticing that Steve was already behind you.

You turn around after grabbing a can of Schwepps from the fridge. You jumped seeing Steve towering right behind you. “Jesus, Steve.”

“You wanna try that again?” He held his hands up on both sides of the fridge, eyes twinkling playfully.

You shake your head and pointed at him. “None of the food war crap. I had to clean up the mess the last time.”

Steve gazed down at you. “You better take it back if you don’t want a new mess to clean up.”

You took the time to look at him– really look at him.

Steve's hot, and goodlooking. You’ve already known that. But have you ever really looked at him?

How there’s that weird drain between his brows when he’s frowning, or how his chin is like a shade darker than the rest of his face. There’s a spot on his cheek and his forehead. You’ve never really noticed them before. His eyes always had a shine. The only time you saw it dull was at his dad’s funeral and then again when Sarah Rogers passed away about 4 years after. Your parents took him in straight afterwards.

Those blue eyes are always so intense. Whether he’s trying to get a thread into the needle or reading Paper Towns, Steve’s eyes are so goddamn intense. Like he’s trying to burn a hole through the pages of that stupid book.

“You’re staring,” He noted, even though his eyes were deeply staring into you too.

“You’re staring,” You dutifully told him in return.

“I’m looking,” You see his eyes glancing down to your lips quickly and then back into your eyes.

Your eyes shifted down to his lips too. You know how it feels firsthand. Plump and soft, and it feels so good against your own. The natural pink only compliments his pale skin.

It has never been this intense. He was staring into you and you were gazing into him. His body warmth completely overrides the cold air of the fridge behind you. And his presence was... present, huge. Was this what people called sexual tension?

Damn it, Bucky. And Natasha. And Sam. And your parents.

Fuck.

His gaze switched between your eyes and lips, leaning down slowly and hesitantly. You leaned in too, slowly going up on the tip of your toes.

You could feel his breath on your face.

“We shouldn’t,” You whispered lowly.

“I know,” Steve’s hand still shifted to your jaw, though and he's caressing very lightly.

Your hands trailed up and linked at the back of his neck, and you completely press your lips against his.

Fuck.

It has been at least a year since you’ve been this close to Steve. But this, this was just different.

Steve kisses you back, lips soft but a little rough. It reminds you perfectly of the first time you kissed him he kissed you.

There was a thought in the back of your mind about how this was possibly going to be awkward later. But, fuck. His lips feels too good to stop.

You pull away from him, just about an inch or two away from his lips. “Steve,”

He speaks lowly, “I swear if you tell me that we shouldn’t do this...”

“We shouldn’t.” You breathed deeply. “But we need to talk about this,”

“Talk about what?” His voice raises the slightest bit. “Talk about how I’ve been in lo-”

The doorbell rings.

And just like that, your moment broke.

Steve closed his eyes shut and clenched his teeth, before he completely pulls away from you and turned around.

“Go get the door. I’ll get started on the chicken.”

You listened, stepping out of the kitchen and to towards the door. Your mind was still processing what just happened. Was he about to say... But, Fuck.

Even if he did say it, you have no idea what you’d do.

Your hand curls around the door knob and you pushed it down and pulled the door open.

Nat and Bucky were on the other side, holding up bags and something that looks like 10 bags of gummy bears.

Not that you have any complaints.

“Your face looks weird. What happened?” Natasha brushes past you as she strides into your apartment, dropping her handbag on the dining table and then going into the kitchen.

“Yeah, you look weird. Why does the house seem so quiet?” Bucky asks next, pushing past you and going straight into the kitchen.

“Yeah, cause I just kissed Steve. Of course it’s gonna be like the fucking Kardashians’ house, ain’t it?” You mutter lowly under your breath, knowing damn well they can’t hear you.

“Hey, Steve,” Tasha sets the bags in the counter before she goes over and pecks Steve on his cheek. “You look weird too. What happened between you two?” She glances between you and Steve with a question mark on her face.

“Did you have sex?”

You turn to Bucky almost immediately. “No!”

“Alright, no need to get so defensive, Tiger. Did you kiss?”

The blush on Steve’s cheeks and the silence from you was a good enough answer for the both of then.

“Oh, so something did happen, huh?” Natasha teased, eyes glinting with some sort of evil.

“Shut up.” Steve grunts as he continues dipping small chicken cubes into flour and then into the egg mixture.

“Did you kiss his dick or just his mouth?”

You roll your eyes, stepping towards the sink to wash your hands, completely ignoring Bucky’s question.

You eyed Steve from your peripheral vision. He was silent too.

Well, fuck.

-

like comment reblog? i’ll love you forever

[horce-divorce]

i have my Big appt w the Gender Doctor tomorrow... I've already had my letter and my "diagnosis" (fun fact: they actually asked me if it was ok to diagnose me w dysphoria or w/e, they seem to be aware of the controversy around pathologising language) as well as gotten my levels checked.. i am pretty sure this is the last thing is this big visit where he has to explain everything incl needles, get my consent, and all that shit

soooo... I think im about to start T????? scrreeeeee

lil rant about my nervs under the cut

im very nervous, more about my pharmacy & my family than anything actually related to T. ive had issues w the pharmacy just trying to get my birth control and normal meds (like they'd give me my meds but would straight up "forget" my birth control... very relevant: we have about 100 fundie churches in this town and some actual bona fide fundamentalists cults as well. its not a large town). plus theyve been constantly understaffed and have taken up to a week to fill my scripts. my friend a few towns over gets his stuff from WG and sometimes they give him the wrong needle sizes which seemingly is smth that happens to trans folks a lot... i am prepared to switch pharmacies and/or go running to corporate like a Karen if they give me issues, but i've never had to switch from walgreens before (only to a different wg?) so idk specifically what to do if that's the case

but anyway yeah. lil worried about pharmacy giving me the runaround. and a lil worried about my moms reaction. even tho she's been nothing but supportive, it still seems to surprise her when i talk about being trans. if I make a joke about how trans I was as a kid in hindsight, she's wont laugh along, she's kinda just like 😳 😳 and goes on w her day. but other times she'll bring it up?? one time she said something about "when youve got your van and are transitioning" like she doesnt think I'm transitioning right now lol. i think she's gonna be surprised to find out that im starting T now but fuck I waited 15 years. aint waiting any longer.

its just like. there is a non-zero chance she still has ties w folks from the west mich womyns music fest (good fucking riddance). we actually had a huge fight once (yearrrs ago) bc even in the midst of them going under BECAUSE of their transphobia, she kept trying to get me to support them "as a feminist."

so despite how supportive she's been and that she is absolutely trying I can just FEEL that there are still reservations she has that she simply doesn't want to talk about. she's not gonna tell me what to do w my body or any of my medical care. I'm an adult, and that's generally the rule in our house, but idk it's like. this tension in the air. i think she still separates my "being trans" from "me" in her head, and i think she does it w other folks too (my parents are HUGE fans of Eddie Izzard, esp her Dress to Kill special from back in the day. and yet cannot wrap their heads around her being trans. she's been out for like. 30 years. she doesnt make a secret of it). i feel kinda bad saying it bc she DOES try. she actually corrects my pronouns (and Eddie's!) more than anyone else in my family when others fuck it up. I just don't think she fully understands why she's doing it and im not sure if she cares to. challenge her notion of what a trans person is?

idk its pretty obvious when cis ppl are doing the whole "her > no, i have to overlay an image of a boy on the body that I am seeing bc You Are A Her Who Wants To Be a Him" or vice versa, instead of just "You Are Him". it's like they're trying to translate me into a different language without changing the words. does not compute.

ughhh idk. anyway i am just hoping that she can see how much of a change it makes for me and sees me being happier and calmer and stuff. i already have been WAY more chill even in the last 2 years just since being out. i think that it will make it easier for me to like. express emotions like love and gratitude? i think part of why i've always kinda felt stunted in that area or like I couldn't connect w my parents like I sometimes do w other people, was bc of being closeted.... if she sees me as an extension of herself, Her Daughter, and I cannot be myself fully and truthfully, how can i express my emotions fully and truthfully, they are a part of who I am? I've just been told many times by the world that expressing myself honestly makes other people uncomfortable... anger was the only thing i could reach for so long. oof.

its just funny (not ha-ha funny) how even after having a feminist mom who didnt make me dress girly as a kid; after having lived in a huge queer household; having almost exclusively queer friends for 10+ years; after having BEEN OUT in high school; and now, again, being in a supportive environment where everyone is trying to validate me... despite all of that I STILL find myself feeling guilty for transitioning, guilty for showing people who I am. wondering "Wouldnt it be easier if I didnt. Wouldnt it be better for everyone if I just let them think I was a girl. wouldnt it be easier to deal w my other medical stuff w/o being outed every time I go to a new Spectrum location. wouldnt it be easier for everyone who has to deal w grandpa right now. there's nothing wrong with being a girl. Maybe I could keep being a girl if I had to."

but i know that's not right. if I don't live my life at this point it will kill me faster than anything that's medically wrong with me. i am not a girl. trying to be a girl when I didnt want to be made me suicidal for years. it made me into a horrible person and informed all kinds of terrible decisions I wish I hadn't made.

i know that transitioning is the right thing. to be perfectly clear, I am nothing but excited about testosterone and ALL of the changes it will bring me, there is literally not a single one that I don't want, that I havent wanted with my entire being my WHOLE life. i know that i am doing the right thing because for the first time in my life these are choices I've made FOR ME, for no one else and for no purpose but for the joy and sense of peace and completeness that it brings me to know that I am trans.

my fear is that I won't be able to articulate that to other people. or that ill have 1 bad experience and regress to not being able to stand up for myself or w/e.

so yeah, nothing but actual love and excitement for my T appointment. im just outlining how much cis bullshit really ends up defining the experience of transition for so many of us, and how much anxiety and fear it can still impart. even when you surround yourself with queer and trans support, even when ppl in your life are being cool, even when you are SO SURE of who you are. despite all of that, I am still afraid I'll end up detransitioning because of other people's issues...

but tbf i kind of have this with everything. I move into a new place, it TERRIFIES me rather than brings me comfort. how am I going to lose this home, too, and how long do I have? i've never felt at home in my body before, and every time I thought I found/built a home, I lost it. I've been evicted and lost my housing so many times and... have kinda had the same thing happen w my body, in a sense. feeling like if I start trying to decorate how I want ill get in trouble somehow bc nothing good can truly last and there's always some higher authority to answer to... idk.

anyway I need a proper therapist obviously lmfao and I dont expect anyone to read this. to be clear I am mostly very excited and optimistc. just nervouscited u know what i mean

[honey-dewey]

Lightning in a Bottle

Pairing: Trans Fem! Jack ‘Whiskey’ Daniels/GN! Reader

Word Count: 2,484 

Warnings: swearing, homophobia/transphobia, needles, hurt/comfort.

Permanent Taglist: @phoenixhalliwell @star-wars-hell​

It is week three of pride month! This is the third set of prompts that came from @flightlessangelwings and @autumnleaves1991-blog​ Pride writing prompts! I’ve never written Trans Jack before, and while I would typically headcanon him as trans masc, I thought this would be fun instead. 

Prompts: Glitter and/or “I’ll always be by your side”

You sighed, settled at Jack’s vanity as you organized her makeup. She was a menace when it came to organization, and more often than not, you were the one lining her lipsticks up in front of the mirror and putting the eyeliner pens back in their cup. After two years, you’d think she’d get the hang of this, but you’d be wrong. Even when she was away, like she was now, she couldn’t bother to put anything where it went before she left. You put her brushes back in their proper place in a drawer, absently checking your phone for the time or a text. Jack was due home any minute now, and even though she hadn’t been away for long, her absence had affected you. 

The front door creaked open, and you perked up, turning in the vanity chair so you could pay attention to the sounds coming from downstairs. 

“Hey babe!” Jack’s voice filtered up the stairs, and you smiled, hearing her take her boots off downstairs. “I’m home!” 

Standing, you abandoned the mini project you’d been working on in favor of walking to the top of the stairs to watch Jack shimmy out of her coat and hang her hat up on top of the coat rack. She was a picture of beauty, her back to you as she loosened the top buttons of her shirt and rolled her sleeves up. Turning, she caught sight of you, her face pulling into a wide smile. “There’s my baby!” She said, running up the stairs until she was on the landing. “Come kiss me. I missed you.” 

You ran down the steps, crashing into Jack and wrapping her in a hug. She’d been gone for two days, out on a mission for work. It was only two days, but you’d been grouchier than usual for those two days, and all you wanted was Jack cuddles. “I missed you too baby.” 

Jack scooped you up, carrying you to the bedroom and plopping you down on the bed. As you laughed, Jack pulled her skirt and petticoat off, leaving her in shorts and her button up. You smiled, gesturing her close. Jack didn’t argue, crawling across the bed so she could rest her head on your chest. It took a minute to find the best spot that wouldn’t send any of your limbs to sleep, but when you did find it, you knew Jack wouldn’t be getting up for anything. 

“Did you have fun?” You asked, gently tugging Jack’s hair ties out and undoing her two braids. “Where’d they send you? Wasn’t it Montana again?” 

“It was,” Jack said, eyes closed as you combed through her curls with your fingers. “Still as beautiful as ever. I’m gonna take you for our honeymoon.” 

You chuckled, blinking slowly. “If we ever get married,” you finished. 

“We will,” Jack promised, reaching up and trapping one of your hands in hers. “We absolutely will.” 

Almost an hour passed while you and Jack cuddled, both of you nearly falling asleep until you remembered something. “Ah fuck,” you grumbled, untangling your limbs from Jack’s. “I have to run to the grocery store. I forgot to do it yesterday. I was so hectic with this work thing, and then you called to tell me you were coming home, and it completely slipped my mind.” As you rambled, you pulled on a neater shirt, looking around for your shoes. 

“Can I come?” Jack asked, rolling over and sitting up. 

“When am I ever going to say no to that?” You pointed out, picking up Jack’s skirt and tossing it at her. “But you should probably cover your ass.” 

Jack laughed, leaving her skirt on the bed in favor of scooping up a pair of shorts. She loosely tucked her shirt into her pants, piling her hair up into a claw clip and watching as you finally found your shoes. “Big trip or small trip?” She asked, tossing you a pair of socks. 

“Medium trip,” you said. “I don’t need a ton, mostly just stuff for dinner and the odd thing or two. So we can go to Sam’s.” 

Sam’s market was a tiny mom and pop grocery store that hadn’t changed in decades, but you adored it. It was a ten minute drive, and you and Jack were there in no time. 

“Fucking love this place,” Jack said happily, reaching out to pet Claire, one of the resident cows. “Reminds me of my dad’s ranch.” 

You nodded, grabbing a basket and entering the store. Jack followed, immediately detouring to the pharmacy. You stayed nearby, half listening as Jack picked up her estrogen and made her way back to you. 

“I hate those things,” Jack said, putting her prescription bag in your basket beside a bag of dried apple slices. “They’re super gross.” 

You smiled. “You don’t have to eat them,” you said, linking your arm with Jack’s. “But I like them.” 

The trip around the store was quick, and in no time, you were up at the counter. Sam, the owner, grinned when you two came up. “Haven’t seen you two in a while,” he said. “How’s work?” 

“Good,” Jack said. “Just got back from a business trip, actually. It’s why I’m late on my prescription.” 

“Ah,” Sam said, pulling the bag out of the basket. “Jen was wondering why you hadn’t picked it up yet. It’s all still working out for you?” 

Jack nodded, opening her mouth to say something before a loud snort came from behind her. She turned, and so did you. Behind you was a young man with his arms crossed, looking between the two of you with a grin. “Did I interrupt?” He said in a thick southern drawl. “I’m sorry.” 

“No,” Jack said, drawing herself up to her full height and raising an eyebrow. “Do you have something to say?” 

The man shook his head. “Not to you, you freak.” 

Jack blinked, stepping back a tiny bit. She’d been passing consistently ever since her hair got long and she started to hit what she called second puberty, and it was rare anyone was able to tell right off the bat that she wasn’t a biological woman. You stepped in front of her, shielding her from the man. “You leave my girlfriend alone.” 

“That ain’t a girl,” the man jeered. “That’s a man in a skirt.” 

Your jaw clenched, and you were two seconds from punching the man square in the jaw when Sam stepped in. 

“Here are your purchases,” he said, handing you a bag. “And you,” he turned to the man. “Need to leave if you’re going to be harassing my loyal customers like that.” 

Jack gripped your hand as you quietly pulled her towards the truck. She was dead silent as you put your bag in the backseat and slumped over the steering wheel. “You okay?” You asked softly, not wanting to startle Jack. 

She shook her head, wiping away tears with the back of her hand. “I just wanna go home,” she said thickly, voice wavering. 

It took all of your willpower not to pull over when Jack’s crying didn’t stop, and when you were finally home, you immediately closed the distance between you and Jack, holding her tight against you. She collapsed into your arms, burying her face in your shoulder and sobbing. You rubbed her back, silently curing the man in the store. 

“Jack?” You said, still holding Jack close. “You know I love you, right? No matter what.” 

“But-“ 

“No.” You pulled away, putting your hands on Jack’s shoulders and making her look at you. “No! I love you, no ifs, ands, or buts. I will always be by your side Jack. I don’t care who you are or what you look like. I love you for you.” 

Jack bowed her head, face hidden by her hair. “You’re sure?” She asked, voice so small you almost didn’t hear her. 

“I’m sure,” you said. “C’mon, let’s go inside. It’s more comfortable than the bench seat of your old ass truck.” 

Jack stood, following you into the house. She trudged up the stairs, still holding your hand as she went. When you dropped the grocery bag by the bedroom door and tugged Jack inside, she didn’t protest, only looked at you, slightly confused. 

“I was going to wait until your birthday, because I know Statesman insists on that huge birthday gala for you,” you said, sitting Jack in her vanity. “But I think you should have this now.”

Jack watched you enter your closet, growing more confused by the second. “What is it?” 

“Close your eyes,” you said, grabbing a hangar. “It’s a surprise!” 

When you peeked out of the closet, Jack had her hands over her eyes, waiting patiently. You hung the hangar on the back of the closet door, smoothing out the garment and moving to stand behind Jack. You took her wrists gently in your hands, smiling. “Ready?” 

“As I’ll ever be,” Jack said, leaning back against your chest. 

You pulled Jack’s hands off her eyes. She gasped almost immediately, seeing the intricate and gorgeous dress hanging in front of her. 

“Happy early birthday,” you said. “I had Ginger help me with things like measurements, but it’s 100% custom made. I figured since you didn’t have a dress for your birthday party, I could get you one. What do you think?” 

Jack was speechless, turning around to hug you. “I love it,” she said, voice tight with emotion. “It’s perfect.” 

You smiled, kissing Jack’s cheek. “Every woman should have a fancy evening dress that makes her feel like royalty. Wanna try it on?” 

Jack was incredibly eager to put the dress on. You ushered her into the bathroom, carrying the dress and handing it to her as she ducked behind a privacy divider. 

“Oh my god!” You heard her say after you heard the zipper pulling shut. “It fits perfectly!” 

“Do you want shoes?” You asked, still not peeking around the divider. 

Jack was quiet for a minute. “Yeah. Those white ones.” 

You knew exactly what she was talking about and grabbed the aforementioned white shoes. Handing them to Jack, you waited while she finished getting dressed, barely managing to contain your patience. When you finally heard her heels on the tile, you looked up, fully breathless as Jack stepped out from behind the divider. 

She was gorgeous. The dress hugged her in all the right places, conforming to the curve of her waist and the slope of her hips as if it were a second skin. The heart shaped neckline and thin straps showed off what you and Ginger had both agreed was a very professional amount of skin, but still enough to make Jack feel sexy. The top of the dress was beaded with shimmering beads, each one catching the light and making Jack seem positively radiant. Even with minimal makeup and her hair haphazardly tossed up, she was the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen. 

“Oh Jack,” you said, standing in front of her. “I don’t- I can’t. You look. I don’t even have the words to say how beautiful you are.” 

Jack smiled, swishing the dress. “I love it,” she said softly. “Thank you. I feel like a princess.” 

“You look like a queen,” you breathed, putting your hands on Jack’s sides. “God above you look stunning.” 

You two stood there for a while, just holding each other, until Jack pulled away to take the dress off. You watched her go, silently gathering her pyjamas, knowing she’d want them. When you were done, you headed out of the bedroom, intent on putting away the groceries that had been left out in your eagerness to show Jack her dress. 

Jack came trailing down the stairs after ten minutes, wearing her Hello Kitty pyjama pants and an old Statesman distillery shirt that was a size too big. You kissed her and handed her a bag of apples as she entered the kitchen. “Put these away please?”

“Sure thing,” Jack said, moving around you to put the apples in the fruit bowl. “Can you grab my medicine?” 

You reached around Jack and grabbed her estrogen bottle and a syringe. She hopped up on the counter, tugging up one of her pant legs to give you easier access to her thigh. After having been shot multiple times, often fatally, needles were something Jack didn’t even blink at. Giving Jack her estrogen had been something you’d had to work up to in the first year, but now you could do it with ease. 

“Ready?” You asked, holding up the syringe. “Three, two,” you pushed the syringe into Jack’s leg. “One!” 

Jack made a face at you as you disposed of the syringe and pressed a Disney princess bandaid to the tiny puncture wound. “Your bedside manor is horrible. Could’ve at least waited until you said one to stick me.” 

You laughed. “You say that every time!” You said, taking Jack’s hands and helping her off the counter. “Bake Off or Friends?” 

“Can we watch Friends?” Jack asked eagerly, following you to the couch and grabbing the TV remote. “I’m in the mood to laugh.” 

“We can watch Friends,” you said, snuggling up next to Jack. “I’ll never say no to Friends.” 

While Jack cued up the show, you fell against her shoulder, already feeling sleepy. In a few hours, you’d have to get up and make dinner, and Jack probably had a report to write on her mission, but for now, it was completely calm in the house.

At some point during the second episode you watched, you must’ve fallen asleep, because one minute, you were sleepily watching Friends, and the next, you were opening your eyes to Jack holding two bowls of her famous cowboy mac-and-cheese. You sat upright, accepting the bowl with a small pout. “I was gonna make dinner.” 

“But you didn’t,” Jack pointed out, sitting beside you and taking a bite. “I swear, this gets better and better the more I make it.” 

“Don’t tell Tequila,” you said. “He would kill a man for this bowl of food.” 

Jack laughed. “He would,” she agreed. “Did you have a good day today?” 

“My girlfriend came home,” you said sweetly. “Of course I had a good day. What about you?” 

“Hm,” Jack hummed, pretending to think. “Well, I got to see my beautiful partner again, so that was good. But then a raging asshole yelled at me, and that was bad. But the dress made up for it, so all in all, a good day.” 

You smiled, leaning against Jack and gesturing to the TV. “I’m glad you had a good day. More Friends to finish it off?” 

“You know me so well,” Jack said happily, taking the remote again. “I love you.” 

“I love you too,” you said, turning your attention mostly to the TV. “No matter what.”

[sarah-sandwich]

"I need a hug" please and thank you!

Hi friend! Here it is! Remind me to never commit to a fic a day for an entire week again lmao

Happy last day of National Storyteller Week to everyone who creates or consumes stories! Jump over to my ao3 for 5 ridiculous parkner fics 👌✨💛

Peter, no

He probably should have clued in sooner, a lot sooner.

Him and Peter have been attached at the hip for three years, ever since Peter ran into the lab in the middle of a video call with Tony, shouted something about an arm-wrestling tournament with the Avengers, and begged, “You gotta come trash talk them for me! Please, Mr. Stark! No one roasts as good as you!” Then, after receiving Tony’s resigned agreement, exclaimed, “I’m gonna dislocate Captain America’s shoulder!” turned tail and sprinted back out, ignoring Tony’s, “Peter, no!”

It was over in under a minute but he was bewitched.

“Who was that? And why haven’t I met him?”

“I’ve been avoiding this day,” Tony said in a world-weary tone. “You’re either going to hate each other or get on like a house fire. Either way, I’ll never know peace again.”

In usual Tony Stark fashion, he was right.

He thought he’d seen every side of Peter there is. He’s seen him soft and sleepy under the blue glow of the television. He’s seen him wired and manic as he pursues a project on little to no sleep. He’s seen him broken and bleeding in more ways than he cares to count. He’s seen him laughing until he cries, crying so hard the only thing he can do is cry with him, too exhausted to feed himself, too angry to speak, and he’s been there when he’s on the cusp of dropping dead from embarrassment (usually pointing and laughing but hey, somebody’s gotta keep him humble).

He knows him like he knows his sister, like he knows his mom, like he knows himself.

His point is, it shouldn’t have taken this camping trip to put the pieces together. Realization shouldn’t have hit him like a log to the face when Peter rolled up the sleeves of his borrowed flannel and suddenly he couldn’t breathe for wanting to kiss him stupid.

Well, stupider.

A moment later, Peter picked up the bag of tent poles like they weighed nothing and somehow managed to dump them all over the side of the road like a can of pick-up-sticks.

It’s gonna be a long weekend.

~*~

“What’s this thing for again?” Peter asks, raising his arms high over his head to hold up the long swath of fabric two times his height.

“It’s a rain fly, Peter. It keeps out the rain.”

“It’s not supposed to rain. Trust me, Aunt May checked the weather like 50 times before she would let me leave.”

“We still need it.”

“But why? We could sleep under the stars.”

“It traps in heat.”

“Sounds like another tally in the cons column. It’s hot as fuck, dude.”

“Not tonight it won’t be. Temperature fluctuates a lot in the mountains, especially when the sun goes down.”

“Temperature fluctuates in the mountains,” Peter repeats mockingly.

Harley stops what he’s doing. “If you really wanna sleep under the stars I don’t have to share my tent. Enjoy the skeeters.”

“You love me too much to leave me to sleep with the wildlife,” Peter says, voice muffled from under the rain fly as he attempts to drape it over the erected tent.

His heart skips. Does he know? Has he been that obvious even while oblivious to his own feelings? Did Peter figure it out before he did? Has he been graciously not saying anything about his huge undeniable crush while—

Peter squawks and tumbles forward, the tent collapsing under him with a snap that echoes through the trees. The rain fly flutters over him like a burial shroud.

“Please tell me whatever just broke was a part of you.”

“Uhh, sorry.”

He sighs. He’s in love with an idiot.

~*~

The tent leans a little to the left when they’re done with it but he’s pretty sure it’ll hold up through the night. Just in case, they limit how often they go in and out of it (which, in his opinion, is the way it should be done regardless).

A breeze rustles the trees, scattering pine needles as birds chitter and small unseen wildlife scurries around the underbrush. He breathes in deep, savoring the scent of dirt, pine, and fresh air. He’s been in the city far too long.

Peter stands with his hands on his hips, dirt crusted on the knees of his jeans, his borrowed flannel pulling tight across his chest as he watches a puffy white cloud scoot by with a befuddled expression.

He turns to Harley. “So umm, now what?”

He shrugs. “Whatever you want. You’re the one who’s never done this before?”

Peter stares at him blankly.

“Right. Forgot who I was talking to.” He shakes his head and walks over to the car with a sigh. “This way, city boy. It’s time you learned to fish.”

“Sounds smelly.”

“Mmm.” He pops the trunk and pulls out two fishing rods—one old and dinged up, the other brand-spankin-new—and he passes them to Peter so he can grab the tackle box and a white plastic bucket with a lid on it.

“And slimy,” Peter continues, wrinkling his nose at the bold ‘WORMS’ printed on the side of the white bucket.

“That it is, but there aren’t any rats and no one has pissed on the place you need to sit so it’s automatically better than anything the city has to offer.”

“We’ll see about that,” Peter grumbles.

~*~

“Y’know,” Harley drawls lazily, eyes half-lidded as he watches Peter jump from rock to rock along the shoreline, “usually when people are lookin’ to catch a fish they cast their line into the water rather than leavin’ it on the ground.”

“Oh is that how it’s done? I had no idea,” Peter says, stooping down to peer into a small pool sequestered away from the rest of the body of water. “What do tadpoles look like?”

“Uh, little squirmy guys.”

“Very descriptive, thank you.”

“Mhmm. Anytime, darlin’.”

Peter looks up at him, eyes narrowed and he jolts under the sudden scrutiny.

“What?” he asks. He always calls him darling. It’s just a thing he says—a southern thing. So what if over the years he’s stopped using the name for anyone else? It doesn’t mean anything. It’s not weird.

“Are you falling asleep?” Peter asks.

“Pfft, no,” he says. The sun is deliciously warm, seeping into his skin and turning his bones to butter as the katydids buzz and birds sing. A warm breeze ruffs his hair and he finds himself blinking slowly.

“Dude, you’re totally falling asleep.” Peter grins playfully and hopscotches across the rocks back to him as he teases, “You know, usually when someone wants to catch a fish, they do it while they’re awake.”

“I am awake, dummy.”

“Not for much longer.” He comes to a stop at his side and tweaks the brim of his hat. “Look at you. You’re like an old man falling asleep in his recliner in front of the big game.”

“Napping is a perfectly respectable part of fishing,” he argues.

Peter throws back his head and laughs. Backed by blue sky and thickly forested mountain, sunlit from above, he’s never looked better.

Should he tell him? Is now the time? He can’t imagine living like this—knowing how he feels but bottling it up and keeping it a secret from his best friend.

Then again—

His fishing rod dips and he sits up with a start, hands already moving for the reel.

“Woah, is that a fish?” Peter exclaims, peering into the lake.

“Sure hope so. Can’t imagine what else it’d—,”

“Can I pull it in?” Peter asks, bouncing on the balls of his feet like an excitable puppy.

“No, you if wanna get a fish you have to put in the work.”

“What work? Laying around half-asleep?”

“Yeah, exactly. I’ll let you take it off the line, how ‘bout that?”

“Eh, that’s okay. I’m good.”

He wrestles the fish out of the lake, a bass about two hands long, and then holds the flopping fish, hooked through the lip, out to Peter.

“There you go. Just pop that puppy off the hook and toss ‘im back in.”

“Wait, you don’t even keep the fish?”

“What would I do with a fish?”

“…eat it?”

“That’s a whole song and dance I ain’t got the tools or the patience for. Just grab the fish, Pete. Preferably before it suffocates.”

Peter makes an unhappy sound in his throat but reaches for the fish. Just as his fingers brush the scales, the fish gives a mighty wiggle and Peter flinches back towards the lake.

“Eep!” Peter squeaks and goes into the water with a splash.

Harley hunches over, laughing his head off as Peter sits up, water streaming down his face and dripping from his hair.

“I hate you.” Slipping and sliding in the muck, he makes his way through the mid-thigh deep water, back to dry land, and then keeps walking past Harley and up the hill to the trail that will lead him back to camp.

All the while Harley laughs and laughs, taking a moment to free the fish back into the lake before he sits down and tips his face to the sun, chuckling and committing to memory the way Peter’s soaked jeans and flannel clung all over his body.

~*~

“I still don’t see why—,”

“Shush,” Peter snaps, frowning in concentration over the tiny flame he’s been babying to life for the past fifteen minutes.

He sighs. He tried to convince him to wait until supper for a campfire meal but Mr. Eager Beaver insisted on trying his hand at it now. Had they made sandwiches they’d be done by now and could be hiking. But no. Peter wants to play Boy Scout so they’re going to sit here and starve until he gets a fire built just to spend five minutes roasting hot dogs and then have to put it out again.

To make matters worse, Peter’s no longer wearing his shirt since it got soaked in the lake. He’d gotten attached to how he looks in his clothes. Now he’s wearing on one of his standard nerd-pun tees and a wrinkly pair of khaki cargo shorts and he’s going to have to convince him to at least put on long socks before they hike or he’s going to risk getting poison ivy or poison oak all over his calves and ankles.

“There it goes! There it goes!” Peter exclaims, sitting up tall and motioning at him to look at the little flame as it eats up the pile of twigs and tinder.

“Very good, dear,” he says dryly. “Now see if you can keep it going with some real wood.”

Peter cocks his head at him. “Was that a double-entendre?”

“Why on earth would I imply that we should put a part of my human anatomy in the fire, Peter?”

“I don’t know,” he murmurs, squatting beside the fire as he breaks up a stick. “Dick jokes are funny.”

“You’re a child.”

“And yet you— Shit!” He flinches back from the fire and falls on his backside.

He comes alert with a spike of adrenaline, rushing forward to— to— pat out flames with his bare hands? He doesn’t know. “What happened?” he demands, checking Peter over for damage and finding nothing, not a burn or singe in sight.

Still sprawled on the ground, Peter looks up at him through his eyelashes with an embarrassed grimace. “I don’t want to say.”

“But you’re okay?”

“Yeah,” he sits up cross-legged and rubs the back of his neck. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

He stares down at him as he looks down in his lap. “You’re really not going to tell me what just happened? I already saw you fall in a lake because you were scared of a fish. It can’t be worse than that.”

Peter looks up, neck crimped and mouth screwed into an unhappy pucker. “I thought something was on me but it was just the grass.”

Harley stares. “So, you thought a bug was on you.”

“Yeah. I’m starting to think I’m not cut out for this place.”

What has he gotten himself into?

~*~

Peter hasn’t stopped chattering about everything under the sun since they left camp. And considering where they are, there’s a lot to chatter about. From bugs to birds to types of trees and identifying clouds, he’s heard it all. It’s why he’s not paying attention to the path like he should, too busy watching the way Peter waves his hands animatedly as he rambles, the way the sun lights his eyes and makes his hair shine, the way his lips shape the words.

He hasn’t taken in a word he’s said for the past twenty minutes but he’s watched him with rapt attention while his mind churns through his options. He’s not one to ignore something once he knows about it. He doesn’t want to keep this a secret. There’s no reason to. It’s nothing shameful and if Peter doesn’t reciprocate then… well, nothing changes, right? He’s fine with that. Best friends is still good. Great, even.

But if Peter does reciprocate…

His breathing quickens at the thought. How did he not notice this ridiculous crush sooner? It’s like something has been awakened inside him and now it refuses to shut up and go back to sleep. He gravitates towards Peter like an orbiting moon. He’s a moth to Peter’s beam of light. Helpless under the thrall.

Peter suddenly looks right at him. “—you know what I mean?”

“Huh?” His foot lands wrong and rolls over a root. His ankle screams out and then he’s dropping as it gives out.

“Woah!” Peter catches him, one arm around his back and the other fisted into his shirt at his shoulder. His brain goes offline, only processing the way Peter is pressed against him, the way his face is angled over him like he’s on the verge of dipping him into a kiss, the way neither of them moves or speaks, staring instead with startled realization.

He thinks he imagines it when Peter’s eyes dilate but then they fix on his lips and there’s no way he’s imagining that.

Lights flash in his head and he forgets to breathe as they hang suspended in time.

Then Peter bites his lip and his cheeks flush dark pink as he yanks Harley upright.

He stumbles, unprepared, and his ankle gives out a second time.

Peter catches him by the elbows babbling, “Oh my God, I’m sorry! Are you okay? I didn’t mean to—,”

“I’m fine. I…” The rest of the sentence vanishes from his tongue as he looks into Peter’s eyes. He loves his eyes—warm and affectionate, they always give him away. Whether they’re bright with curiosity, sparkling with delight, wide with embarrassment, or narrowed in anger, he’s an open book. That’s why the look in his eyes now gives him pause. He’s never seen it before—or maybe it’s been there all along but he hasn’t noticed until now.

They’re dark and focused like he’s seeing through him into his soul and likes what he sees so much he wants to eat him alive.

His heart thunders as he lifts a hand to Peter’s cheek. This is it. This is the moment he tells him and finds out where they’re going to go next.

Peter’s eyes go wide and he swallows thickly, but then his gaze shifts beyond him and he freezes except to carefully grab his forearm in a too-tight grip.

“Bear,” Peter breathes.

His awareness of their surrounding returns so suddenly it hurts. Birds sing, bugs buzz and chirp, somewhere nearby a creek burbles, and behind him on the path, something scuffs the ground and then snorts and sniffs harshly.

“No,” he says quietly. No, he refuses to allow this to be his reality. This cannot be happening. He won’t allow this to happen.

“Harley, bear,” Peter repeats, grip tightening.

Oh my God, this is happening.

“Don’t run,” he says in an undertone. “You’re not supposed to run.”

“We gotta run.”

“Peter, no.”

“Harley, there’s a fucking bear.”

“Listen to me—,”

“I’m gonna grab you—,”

“—we gotta stay still and—,”

“I’ll carry you and—,”

“—non-threatening so—,”

“I’m going to get you up a tree and then—,”

“—it won’t chase us.”

“—the bear will chase me.”

“Peter—,”

“It’ll be fine.”

“—no.”

~*~

He waits in the tree for over an hour, ankle throbbing, sick to his stomach with worry, wondering if he’ll ever see the idiot he stupidly fell in love with ever again. Even if he didn’t get eaten by the bear, he’s no good out here in the woods. He could be lost. He could be too hurt to move. He could be—

—covered in what smells like animal shit and standing balefully at the base of the tree.

“I need a hug,” Peter says, voice small.

“Did you—,”

“I did what needed to be done.”

“So that’s—,”

“Don’t say it. Do you need help getting down?”

“I’ll figure it out. Don’t touch me.”

“That’s fair. I’ll be in the lake. Will you bring me all of the soap and soap-like products we own?”

“Yeah. Gimme a minute.”

“Thanks, Harley.”

“Peter?”

“Yeah?”

I love you. I’m glad you’re not dead. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t come back. My life wouldn’t be the same without you in it. You’re everything I want.

“You’re an idiot,” he says.

Peter nods. “Yeah.”

~*~

“Black bears can run 35 miles per hour,” he says conversationally. They’re sprawled on a blanket while the fire crackles nearby (but not too close, they’ve had enough disasters for one day). His foot is propped on the tackle box, elevating his ankle and Peter is beside him, flat on his back staring up at the stars through the trees, close enough that their arms brush.

“Trust me, I know.”

“They can also climb trees,” he continues reading from his phone. “You should never climb a tree to avoid a bear.”

“Harley—,”

“If a bear notices you, stay calm. Most bears don’t want to attack you.”

“Dude, I get it.”

“Move away slowly and sideways. Do not run. Do not climb a tree.”

Peter snatches the phone out of his hands and sits up. “I panicked, okay? I can’t lose you! I had to get you out of there.”

He goes still, the crackling of the fire and the crickets the only sound in the night.

“Say again?”

“Don’t,” Peter says harshly, still holding his phone far out of reach. “Don’t make fun of me about this one. You don’t get it, okay?”

This isn’t how he expected this to happen. Hyper aware of his heart beating in his chest, he asks, “What don’t I get?”

“I was terrified.”

“And you think I wasn’t?”

“Not in the way I was. I was— It was like— It was like if anything happened to you, nothing would be okay ever again. I don’t—,” He pulls in a deep breath, chest heaving as his eyes shine uncommonly bright in the firelight. “I don’t know. You’re— Ever since we met things have just felt right and good in a way they hadn’t before and I’ve already lost so many people and then you were in danger and I couldn’t do nothing. I couldn’t.”

“Okay,” he says gently, sitting upright and scooting over on the blanket. “Okay.” He takes the phone and sets it aside then takes Peter’s hand in both of his. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m okay.”

“I think I’m in love with you,” Peter says miserably, sniffing and wiping his eyes with the back of his free hand. “I think I have been for a long time.”

“Well, that’s lucky because I think I’m in love with you too.”

“You— What?”

“Mhmm. Since at least this morning.”

Peter stares at him. His lips twitch. “This morning? For real? Are you teasing me?”

“A hundred percent serious. It hit me right before you dumped my tent poles all over 36th street. Unrelated, you should wear my clothes more often.” He pauses and then says, “I think today was the universe asking me if I was sure I wanted to be tied down to your dumb ass for the rest of forever.”

“And?” Peter asks, eyes wide in the firelight.

“Yeah,” he says, smoothing a curl away from his forehead. “I’m sure.”

Peter leans in and kisses him, soft and quick. “Is that okay?”

Heart in his mouth, he says, “I think you can do better.”

Peter laughs and smooths his thumb over his cheekbone. “I love you.”

“I love you too, darlin’.”

[dumbbitchenergy17]

New Life Pt. 2

You lived any normal life get up, go to school, head back home, and repeat. It was until your school had an interesting meeting with the one and only Tony Stark. Will meeting him be the best moment of your life or worst

Tony Stark x Daughter!Reader, future-Peter Parker x Reader

Words: 2688

Previously

“You got that equation down well not even college students solve it. So you got a name kid.” He smiled holding a hand out.

“Y/n. Y/n Y/L/N.” You shook his hand with a small smile. Tony freezes for a second looking you up and down studying you making you slightly nervous.

“Nice to meet you but this might be weird but I just might be your dad.”

You laughed and not a chuckle a full-blown laugh leaning against your knees trying to catch your breath.

“Oh god. That’s good.” You stand straight wiping the tears looking at Tony still staring with no smile on his face. You look at Ned and Peter and they both have their jaws dropped

“Oh shit you’re serious.” You said. Tony nods shoving his hands in his pockets. 

“Yeah this is really weird, soo I’m just gonna go.” You point behind you and being to walk backwards.

“Wait,” Tony grabs your arm making you look back at him

“Look Mr. Stark this is just some huge coincidence and I would know if my dad the Tony Stark.” You try to ease the blow. Right before Tony try to respond

“Y/n!” Harry calls out making you look back to see him and Principal Mortia, “Your principal called really on your first day of scho-” Harry beginning to reprimand you when he sees who is still holding onto your arm he freezes and looks at Tony then back at you.

“Harry?” Tony askes in recognition.

“Mr. Mortia I’m sorry but Y/n will not be attending Midtown anymore,” Harry says and everyone freezes and your heart drops.

“What!” You, Peter, and Tony yell at the same time.

“Sir please think about this. Y/n is a bright student with a gifted mind and will excel greatly here..” Your principal tries to change his mind.

“Harry what are you doing.” You try to get him to realize what he is doing.

“Y/n we’re leaving.” Harry comes over and grabs your arm and begins to drag you out.

“Harry just stop.” You push away from him, “I like this school. I feel normal here and not the freak that knows too much.”

“We are not discussing this not let’s go.” Harry ended the conversation.

“She got a bright mind think this through, Harry.” Tony tried putting his opinion 

“Stay out of this Stark.” He hissed back going back to grab your arm but you pulled back.

“Do you too know each other?” You asked looking at Tony and Harry.

“He was best friends with my ex-wife,” Tony said you look between him and Harry. You knew that Harry was best friends with your mom before she left.

“I think we should take this somewhere private.” Principal Mortia tried ushering the group to somewhere more private as a crowd was forming.

“What was her name.” You said over everyone arguing with each other. Tony look at Harry then looked at you

“Y/M/N.” He said making you suck in a breathe tears building up.

“Kid come on let’s go talk about this somewhere else.” Harry tried to guide you out of the crowded hallway.

“Did you know.” You deadpanned still looking at your shoes.

“Kid you know that I would-” He tried to defend himself.

“Don’t fucking lie to me. Did. You. Know.” You hissed out looking at him Harry looked down ashamed 

“Yes.” You let out a laugh at how he felt guilty.

“How could you.” You whimpered a tear slipping down your face and you turned to look at Tony who looked equally upset.

“And you. How could you not try to look.” You shook your head wiping your face 

“Y/n let’s just-” Harry tried to talk

“Just! Don’t” You lifted your arms up trying to put distance from them “just don’t” You grab your bag and rush through the crowd until you hit the door that leads to outside.

“Y/N!” they yell after you. The cold air hits your face causing pins and needles to appear as you make your way further away from the school towards the subway. 

“Y/N Stop!” You turn and see both Tony and Harry standing there Peter and Ned behind them. You weave through the bystanders as you hear footsteps after you. As you enter the subway you make your way to the turnstile and try to get your metro card to work but won’t pick up the scan 

“Y/n..” You hear your voice

“Come on. Come on. Come on.” You catch the attention of an elderly lady

“Here dear those things always are trouble-some.” She swipes her card and it lights up green.

“Thank you so much, ma’am.” You rush through the turnstile and rush down the stairs to the platform not even caring where the subway takes you. You just needed space from all this. You see a subway at the end of the platform boarding right as you hear your name beginning called.

“Y/n. Come on stop.” Harry yells. You run as fast as you can to get to the subway right as you are about to board an arm grabs you and rips you away from the doors, people still entering and exiting.

“Y/n, Don’t do this let’s talk.” Tony tries to reason with you.

“Talk, You had 16 years for you to talk, so just stay away from me.” You pulled your arm away from him watching his face fall. You enter the subway and the doors close right as Harry catches up and you both stare at each other as it moves and you are gone. You walk over to an empty seat, you lean your head back trying to keep your tears at bay.

You couldn’t remember where this subway was leading you to, but after almost an hour it stopped and most people got off. Walking out of the station and ended up on the street you looked at your phone and saw you were in Lenox Hill which was pretty far from home. You felt your phone buzz and saw multiple text messages and missed calls some from Harry and some from Peter.

9 missed calls from Harry Murphy

3 missed calls from Peter Parker

‘I’m sorry Y/n I should have told you please come home so we can talk.’ -Harry 

‘Please come home I don’t know where you are’ -Harry 

‘Please be safe wherever you are’ -Harry

The messages were all the same and you read one from Peter

‘Hey Y/n I know this might be so crazy and everything but please be safe, you’ve been gone for a while and know I’m here for you’ -Peter

You shoved your phone in your pocket and began wandering around the city just going where your feet took you. Before you even realized you had ended up in Midtown Manhattan the defining feature was Stark tower maybe 5 blocks away from where you are. You sigh going to turn away and just head home when thoughts about why you never met Tony or what really happened.

“Damnit just turn around and go home you’re only causing more pain for yourself.” You mumbled trying to force yourself to go home and forget it all ever happened. But you somehow ended up right in the lobby of the Tower workers and people made their way around the room with purpose, while you just look like a lost kid.

“You go up and ask if anything you get kicked out and look like a fool.” You hyped yourself up, you took a deep breath, stood up straight, and walk to the front desk where a woman sat typing away at her computer. When you go closer she looked up and gave you a smile

“Hi, do you have an appointment today.” She asked pulling up a calendar. You shook your head and immediately got nervous and ran a hand through your hair. 

“Um...No, but I need to talk to Mr. Stark.” You said trying to seem as sure of yourself.

“I’m sorry but if you don’t have an appointment you can’t go.” She gave you a pity smile You nodded and began walking away before you turned back

“Can I give you a message.” You asked and she nodded. “Um tell him I’m sorry and I want to know more about my family.” The woman nodded typing it into her computer

“Thank you.” You gave her a smile and fixed your bag and made your way towards the door, right before you got outside.

You heard rustling “Miss! Excuse me!” you turned around to see the woman from the desk rush over to you. “I don’t know how but Mr. Stark would like to see you.” She said leading you towards the elevators. You nod as she presses one of the buttons and the doors begin to close when a hand pops in and they open again and it’s Steve Rogers.

“You’re Captain America.” You said in awe looking at the Avengers standing right next to you.

“Yeah, but Steve is fine, uh what floor.” He pointed to the array of buttons you pointed back towards the lobby

“I think the lady already pressed it.” Steve nodded

“Friday, to the common rooms.” He asked,

“Right away Captain Rogers.” A voice called out making you jump and Steve cracked out a smile.

“So what brings you to the tower.” He asked leaning against the wall watching the lights flash as you hit a floor.

“Um.. I have a meeting-thing with Mr. Stark.” You said running your hand through your hair nervous about what to disclose or not.

“You one of the Tony new prodigy kids he claims.” He jokes but you freeze at the thought of him having other ‘kids’ even though he did have one.

“Um not exactly.” You wrung your hands together feeling your hands get clammy. 

Before Steve could respond the doors open up and you see most of the Avengers just sit around. Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes were playing some kind of game, while Natasha Romanoff sat next to Clint Barton who was drinking something while having a conversation, and Wanda Maximoff sat on the floor talking to Vision. But they all froze when they saw you standing there with Steve. 

“Hey Cap, who’s the kid.” Sam called out causing more eyes to move to you and you could feel your hands shake nervous to be under the gaze of many heroes. “She here to see Tony.” He responded making Natasha chuckle “Another kid for him to claim.” Your breath hitched hearing that same word ‘kid’ were you his kid or just some random stranger who is just in the wrong situation. Before anyone else could talk Tony walked in and both of you stared at each other.

“Hi.” Tony breathes out scanning over you trying to take as much detail in as possible.

“Are you my dad?” You asked causing someone to choke on their drink

“I’m sorry I must be deafer than I thought. Did she said, dad?” Clint said making Natasha smack him in the arm.

“Well- I... I mean the logistics of it being.” Tony stuttered waving his hands but you cut him off

“Just a yes or no. Are you my father?” You stated your voice shaking trying to keep the tears at bay

“Yes, I think, god I hope.” Tony breathed out trying to smile. You nodded walking up to him and he opened his arms expecting a hug but a loud smack made everyone’s jaw drop. You slapped his square in the face so hard that even your hand hurt.

“Sixteen years,” You said as he pressed his hand against his cheek not even looking you in the eyes. “You had sixteen years to contact or I don’t know at least try to look.” You hissed clenching your fist up trying to get it to stop shaking. “Did you even try were you relieved that I was gone.” You cried

“Of course not..” Tony tried to console you

“Then why didn’t you try..” You whimpered a tear slipping down his face a hand touched your shoulder making you jump and you saw it was Steve.

“I think we all need a minute to just calm down and then we can sit and talk ok…” You and Tony both nodded. “Natasha can you stay with-” Steve started and was cut off

“I got it, Steve.“ Natasha stood up and wrapped an arm around you and began to lead you out and Wanda got up and followed you two and the rest of the men stated in the common room. You ended up in the kitchen and you sat at the island with Wanda next to you, while Natasha went to grab you water. “Here..” She stretched not knowing your name

“Y/n.” You thanked her grabbing the glass and taking a sip.

“So this must be a lot right now so just take your time.” Wanda rubbed her hand up and down your back calming you as you drank most of the water. You placed the glass onto the island and rubbed your eyes ridding the tears from your face. 

“I never knew my dad that well just vague memories. All my life I thought there had to be some reason he wasn’t here, but there he was a fucking train ride from me.” You sniffled. Natasha nodded and Wanda grabbed your hand giving it a squeeze.

“Tony must have had a reason for this.” Wanda tried to console you

“Miss Romanoff, Captain Rogers would like you and your company to come to the common lounge.” Friday’s voice rang out

“Thanks Friday.” Natasha responded as she stood up, “You ready kid.” You nodded grabbing your bag and you three made your way back to the common room. When you got here most of the avengers had left giving you privacy, sitting on one of the couches was James Rhodes and Tony, with Steve standing in the middle.

“Can you stay.” You looked at Natasha when you felt her pull away. She nodded and Wanda gave you a brief hug before leaving you too to sit on the other couch.

“Uh, Bruce is gonna come and take some of your DNA for a parental test.” Steve explained and you nodded feeling eyes on you. Tony just stared at you his eyes red hair all messed up probably from running his hands through it a lot. Dr. Banner walked in with a kit and a computer as well.

“Hi, Y/n I just need to swab you.” He gave you a smile and you nodded letting him swab you and then he went over to Tony and swabbed him as well. “This should take about five to ten minutes.” Bruce walked over to one of the tables and started plugging stuff into the computer. You all just sat there in silence neither you nor Tony was looking at each other making things more awkward before Steve cut the tension by talking

“So Y/n where do you live?” Steve tried to start small talk

“Queens.” You mumbled and he nodded knowing he wasn’t making the situation any less awkward.

“You must be really smart to go to Midtown.” Steve added making you look up and then at Tony. He probably talked about you while you were in the kitchen 

“Not anymore.” You remember you don’t go there any more thanks to Harry. Before anyone could talk Bruce walked back

“Uh the result is in.” he said making both you and Tony look at each other. “Friday.” Bruce called out to.

“The results from a Miss Y/n show a 49.3 percent relation to Mr. Stark and a 50.7 percent relation to Mrs. Y/l/n.” You could feel eyes on you as you stared at your hands.

“Wha-What happened to my mom.” You asked trying to focus your breathing looking up at Tony as looked back at you. Tony looked back down

“I-I don’t know.”

[hexalene]

What's your wildest cruise ship story?

Oh shit I meant to post this sooner whoops

Uh

I have less “ONE BIG THING” stories and more of like, a series of surreal Events that happened to me over the course of the years and years I went on cruises (my family could go on cruises for free, so we abused the shit out of that for reunions and vacations for a long time)

So here’s a few of those, and I SWEAR TO GOD they’re real, and I might have photos buried somewhere to prove some of them, but idk, that’s like effort.

-I loved wandering around ships super super early in the morning. Like, crack of dawn early. I’d usually go hang out on one of the open floor restaurant areas around the middle of the ship, which had built in window seats you could curl up in. Pillows n shit too. Super comfy. I’d draw and listen to music, ect. One morning, I looked up and saw the Black fucking Pearl from Pirates of the Caribbean sailing by. Did not believe my eyes. It and four other ships, two of which were for non-pirate movies, were being sailed into a bay on the island we were headed to. I did manage to get a distant shot of it when I got on land.

-In 2006 (date relevant) I met two men in two different families, who were not related and had never met, named Tony Stark. As this was before the movie came out, I was left tragically alone with no one to be awed at this strange coincidence with me. One of them was even a dark haired man with a nice goatee.

(The other was a cute chubby grandpa type)

-Given the opportunity to demonstrate how corporations rig the system against the consumer, my father brought me down to the casino level and sat down across from a very fancy claw machine that dispensed iPads and other expensive tech prizes. He told me, “some people will win, and I’ll tell you when they will.”

I was like “okay dad sure” but we sat there for HOURS, and dad would say “okay, this guy will win if he goes for this prize” or “this guy will lose” and finally, “that woman will win an iPad.” Of course, most were losers, but he was DEAD ON every time someone would win. After a while he explained that the machine would only dispense prizes after collecting the money to pay for two more of whatever was won. He’d just sat there and done the math on the people playing the game and when it added up, he’d wait to see what they went for and let me know if they won. It had absolutely nothing to do with skill.

To make his point, he waited, counting out loud the money being put in, before standing up and slapping the button randomly on one of the lower rank prizes. He won an otter box phone case and told me that no one will ever give you the chance to win out at a loss to themselves, so don’t make a bet unless you’ve rigged the game to win. I was 14.

-uhhh what else

-The dance troupe arranged to do shows suffered a tragic undisclosed accident, so the short term bullshit to entertain people in the theatre was an honest to god passenger led talent show. Surreal on its own, but one of the passengers was a contortionist, and ran off to get their suitcase.

Now, they did a lot of fun bendy stuff, very weird, very cool, but they asked for volunteers at one point. I, my sister, our cousin, and two other kids were asked to come on stage. I was the oldest, maybe 12/13ish, my sister and cousin were 9, and the other two kids were between 6-9.

This MADMAN, without straining any of us to bend in any weird or uncomfortable way, managed to fit all five of us into his empty suitcase. I was in the damn thing and I have no idea how he managed it. He then zipped us all up inside and walked around the stage a bit. And it was fine, like not uncomfortable or hard to breath or anything!

I remember getting out of the suitcase clearest of all. We’d all been fit inside so snugly, in this order:

Me, stranger kid 1, cousin, sister, and stranger kid 2. To get us out, he lay the case flat and lifted my sister up. Somehow this like??? Was like those monkey in a barrel toys, we all just neatly unfolded with her, no tripping or falling or anything. That feeling, where one moment I’m staring at my cousins’ feet and some other kid’s elbow, and then I see the dude lift my sister and then all of us just RISE WITH IT and unfold like a flower blooming I have no idea if this makes any sense at all but it felt magical.

- Something bad happened back home, but we didn’t know what. My dad had a business meeting but mom wanted to see the beach. We got off the ship, and like, HARDCORE struggled to find a way to get to a beach, any beach. We were in....Mexico, somewhere in the neighborhood of Chichén Itzá, maybe an island nearby I think? There were some massive ruins somewhere, I remember that much.

While mom hunted down a beach, my siblings and I sat under a giant box fan, near a TV. Something was happening, the employees were changing the channel, trying to find the clearest signal to the American news. I remember looking over at the grainy footage being interrupted by commercials and other signals and piecing together through the static and the employee trying to translate that back home, the 2008 financial crash was happening and that mom’s insistence that we find a beach and have fun was because that business meeting dad had stayed behind to deal with was him trying to make sure we’d still have a house to live in when we got back to the states, and she didn’t know if this would be the last truly carefree time we had before we went home to face the music.

-However, mom’s eternal struggles to find a beach didn’t begin in 2008. The previous trip we’d taken had another Beach Adventure.

That time, it was also just mom and the siblings. I don’t remember why dad was staying behind, maybe a poker tournament or something?

We disembarked and the struggle began. Nothing was in English, other than the scant few signs the cruise ship put out to guide passengers off the docks. However, THIS was not a problem, as I was about as fluent in Spanish as a third grader restricted to the present tense, and this worked well enough to get us around.

There was a massive bus to a beach, just PACKED to the gills with Americans. As we waited in line, a nondescript man came up to us, and said, “that bus will go to a very crowded beach with many other passengers of other ships. I know a better beach, and cheap! I’ll charge only half of what that bus will charge you and my beach is much much nicer!”

You might be thinking that common sense would tell us not to get in a random unmarked car with an un-uniformed man offering an amazing half off deal to a perfect isolated beach in broken English on a largely rural island, wouldn’t you? You’d be wrong.

My mother is a sweet devout catholic lady with a hidden core of raw chaos. Her idea of a nice day out in the snow with her tiny children was to strap us in the back, drive to the massive Schnuck’s parking lot, gun it up to 90mph, and hydroplane/drift like a fucking drag racer across the ice, laughing. Common sense does not exist in any normal capacity in this woman.

We spent an incredibly tense, silent, 45 minutes driving into the wilderness packed into a tiny car with no AC, sweating with heat and nerves as he drove us out in the middle of nowhere. Suddenly the driver pulls over. There is literally nothing but trees and cliffs for miles and miles. Mom is clutching my hand, my baby brother, and her knitting needles. The driver runs quickly to the center of the road, leans over, and picks up a huge tortoise that had frozen up when his car approached. He carried it over to the grass, and pat it goodbye.

Before he comes back Mom turns and looks at me and says, “a serial killer probably wouldn’t save a turtle, I think we’ll be okay.”

[prettyyoungandbored]

All I’ve Got [Nikki Sixx, Tommy Lee]

Pairing: Nikki Sixx x Sister!Reader, Tommy Lee & Sixx Sister!Reader

Request: hi! i’m the anon who asked about you writing for the dirt, do you think you could write something where the reader is nikki’s sister and dating tommy and she’s with tommy when they see on the tv that nikki is dead??? and they find out later he isn’t dead and the reader begs him to get his shit together cuz he’s the only family she has??? sorry it’s so specific lmao thank you!!💕

Warnings: Mentions of an overdose

Tommy insisted on spending Christmas with his parents, something Y/N was more than happy to do. Up until the boys came along in her life, her and Nikki didn’t really celebrate the holidays. Even when they lived with their grandparents, the holidays were just another day. 

She and Tommy begged Nikki to come along, but he refused. Y/N couldn’t understand why, but she had feeling Nikki had plans with someone named heroin. His addiction was growing stronger everyday, besides pleas from Y/N to get help before it was too late. 

Angered by her brother’s carelessness and selfishness, she refused to let it effect her time at Tommy’s house. 

Tommy’s mom and Y/N decorated the house, talking and laughing the entire time. Tommy’s mom treated her with the warmth and love that Deanna, Y/N and Nikki’s real mom, never gave her. She and Tommy’s father made sure Y/N always felt comfortable, and there weren’t enough words in the English language to describe just how grateful Y/N was for them.

The night before Christmas Eve, Tommy, Y/N, and Tommy’s parents and sister were sitting around, enjoying some hot chocolate when Tommy’s father picked up the remote from the coffee table.

“I think they have ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ playing on Channel 3,” he said, turning it on. 

He found the Channel 3 and just as the opening credits began to play, they were cut off by a ‘Breaking News’ graphic. 

“What’s going on?” Tommy’s mom inquired, turning to her husband. 

The camera fixated on the female anchor. 

“Good evening. I’m Robin Carlisle with some breaking news out of Hollywood. We’ve just received unconfirmed reports that Mötley Crüe bassist Nikki Sixx has died this evening of an apparent drug overdose.”

Y/N dropped her cup of hot chocolate on the floor, her blood running ice cold. Her mouth hung open as the world around her froze. She couldn’t hear Tommy hold her in his arms as he sobbed violently. 

She felt like a huge part of her had just been ripped away without warning. Nikki was her only family, her protector from their mother and her creepy boyfriends. He was her best friend and her partner-in-crime. 

Now, he was gone and she was sure it was her fault. 

She tried multiple times to get him to stop, but he wouldn’t budge. She was all talk and no action, afraid of what her brother would do if she took away his needles and heroin. 

But this is what her fear got her. 

She crumbled to the ground, Tommy holding her tightly in his arm as she cried on his chest. As devastated as he was that he lost his best friends, a part of hi was furious at Nikki. How could do this, even after his sister begged and pleaded with him multiple times? How could he leave her like this? 

He opens his mouth in an attempt to tell her it’s gonna be ok, but he loves her too much to lie. 

“Vince called,” Tommy’s father said, coming back from the kitchen. “He says Nikki’s at Cedars-Sinai.” 

Tommy nodded. “Thanks Pop.” He turned to Y/N who wiped her eyes. “It’s up to you, babe.” 

“I need to go,” she sniffled. “I have to go.” 

He wasn’t going to argue with her so he helped her up, grabbed his keys, and the two of them made their way. 

Tommy tried to drive as fast as he can while Y/N tried to keep herself together in the passenger seat. She almost reached out to turn on the radio, just to quiet the thoughts in her head but she knew that would be useless considering all of them would just have Christmas songs playing and that was the last thing she needed to hear.

She buried her face in her hands. Tommy glancesd over at her and used one hand to stroke her hair, a silent reassurance that he was here for her.

When they arrived at the hospital, a swarm of paparazzi stood outside. Tommy grabbed Y/N’s hand as she lowered her head. Just as her nightmare couldn’t get any worse, cameras and screams from those behind them, made her jump.

‘Y/N did you know about your brother’s addiction?!’

‘Are you taking over his assets?’

‘What’s gonna happen to Mötley Crüe?’

‘Is it true he had a prostitute in the room when he died?’

“Can you all seriously fuck off?!” Tommy barked at them.

She tightened her grip on Tommy as the paparazzi continued to scream at her. She rushed inside followed by Tommy.

They made their way to the front desk, not caring about the people in the waiting area staring at them. The nurse at the front desk looked at Y/N and Tommy.

“You’re here for Nikki Sixx, I assume?” She asked.

Y/N nodded and the nurse gave her a warm, sympathetic smile. “You’re just in time. The doctor is in there with him right now. He apparently woke up not too long ago?”

Y/N’s head shot up, eyes widening. “He...he what?!”

“He what?” Tommy asked.

“Did Mr. Neil not tell you?” the nurse questioned. “Our EMTs revived him on the way here. He’s been-.”

“What room is he in?” Y/N cut her off.

“Third floor. Room 7.”

Y/N thanked her as she and Tommy rushed into the elevator. Hope and relief radiated through her that when she and Tommy were alone, she found herself clutching onto’s Tommy shirt, crying.

Tommy was relived, to say the very least. It also made him realize his current lifestyle had consequences and that if he ever wanted a real future with Y/N, he had to make some serious changes.

When they got to the third floor, Y/N and Tommy booked it to Room 7, pushing through nurses and other staffers to get to the room.

Upon reaching Room 7, Y/N burst through the door to find her older brother button up his jeans. He looked up and froze when he saw his little sister.

Y/N and Nikki stood there face-to-face. His face softened at the sight of his baby sister’s blood shot eyes. 

Nikki’s pale state brought out the dried blood spots on his chest from where the needles were injected as well as his under eye bags.

“Y/N-.” 

Y/N stomped toward him and slapped him across the face. He stumbled back, surprised by her actions.

“Ow,” he grumbled.

“I thought I lost you tonight,” she trembled. “I thought I lost my best friend and my brother.”

Nikki swallowed hard, his hands leaving the spot where she slapped him. “Y/N, I’m so sorry.”

She threw her hands up. “Is that all you have to say to me?! You’re sorry?!”

She eyed the telephone on his night side, pointing at it. “You couldn’t even have the decency to call me or Tommy and tell us you were fine?! I gave you his family’s house phone number for a reason!”

She wiped her eyes with her sleeves. “You were going to runaway, weren’t you? You were going to run from the doctor.”

“Y/N-.”

“No, no I don’t wanna hear it, ok? You’re gonna stay in here and I’m gonna stay here until you are formally discharged. After that, I’m staying at the house and you and I and Doc are gonna talk about rehab.”

Nikki rolled his eyes. “You’re overreacting.”

Y/N’s eyes widened as Tommy, realizing what was about to happen, stepped back. She slapped her brother again.

“Jesus Christ, Y/N!” he snapped.

“You’re all I have, Nikki!” she spat. “You’re my only family left. I can’t lose you. Please, I am begging you, please stop this and get clean.”

Nikki lowered his head, realizing his actions had more serious consequences than he believed. Y/N wiped her eyes and nose on the sleeve of her sweater.

“Please don’t leave me,” she whimpered.

Nikki made eye contact with Tommy, who lowered his gaze in solidarity with his girlfriend. Nikki then opened his arms, wrapping them around her as she sobbed.

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” he whispered. “I’m really sorry.”

He knew changes had to be made if not for him, but for the sake of the only family he had left.

[bakubitch-minusultra]

Not Alone: Chapter Nine

-> an apocalyptic series with bnha characters but without quirks because im the writer and i can do whatever the fuck i want :P bruh its 3:45 in the morning and i have a softball game in six hours but fuck sleep right? This is the l o n g e s t chapter ive written and it took hours i was writing it while listening to true crime podcasts lol new characters unlocked

-> Word Count: 6.9k haha n i c e

-> Warnings: pervy doods, blood, sexual assault, violence, guns

-> Taglist: @5sosfckss @laudthingcat [if u wanna be added lmk <3]

The sunlight coming in the window blinded Y/n as she woke up disoriented. She shivered from the cold breeze that came from down the hall. She noticed she was lying on Kirishima still and smiled, thinking about the night before. But stopped when she noticed that his shirt was soaked in cold sweat.

Tears streamed down her cheeks, “No. No.” She pushed him and his body compressed against her push, but he didn’t stir.

“Y/n what is it?” Mina came running in the room.

Kirishima sputtered and snorted. He rolled over knocking Y/n off and onto the floor. She started to laugh, “He’s alive. I thought… He’s cold. Oh my god he’s alive. His fever broke. He’s going to live.” Y/n jumped up and grabbed the next vial of medication.

Mina rushed to his side and felt his face, “Oh fuck, I was scared. I thought for sure he was gone.” Mina hugged her when she came back. Mina smelt like Hades and Y/n smirked. They had traded sleeping partners for the night.

Y/n hugged her back, but noticed the difference in their bodies. Mina was melded into Y/n, squeezing her where as Y/n was rigid.

They gave him his next shot and pulled the bandages off his leg. The red lines had receded but the wound still looked red and angry. She knew they weren’t out of the danger zone, but she felt good knowing that they were one step closer.

He slept the entire day and Mina and Y/n hung out. They took turns keeping watch and playing with Hades. Y/n could see Hades’s affinity towards Mina getting stronger. She knew that even she felt different. She was getting closer to Mina and Kirishima.

“Y/n what’s for dinner?”

Y/n shrugged down at Mina from the window of the barn, “I can go kill a bird.”

Mina nodded, “Alright. I’ll start the fire.”

They sealed up the house completely and decided to cook in the bunker. It was gross and sweaty with a fire down there, but it made perfect sense. No smell escaped out into the wind.

She climbed down with her bow and quiver and headed across the grass. She slipped into the forest, but instead of finding a tree to climb she froze. She smelled them before she could see or hear them. She slid against the tree and waited to figure out where the smell was coming from.

“It was rude of you to leave without the escort we offered.”

Y/n turned to the voice but something smacked her in the forehead and everything went black.

Xxxx

“Wake up.” Pain overwhelmed her as she opened one of her eyes. She saw bars in front of her face. “Please wake up.”

In the muted firelight she could see a girl poking her with a stick. It made a small cut on her arm, but that wasn’t where the pain was coming from. She closed her eyes tightly and then opened them again. It was dark, the firelight licked across the dark metal bars of her cage. She turned to the girl.

“Where are we?”

“The others have us.” The girl said. Y/n’s stomach fell into her bowels. Her heartbeat and breath quickened. She pushed the door to the cage with her foot. Her boots were gone.

“Where are we specifically?”

The girl frowned at Y/n, “What?”

“Our location.”

The girl shrugged. She was skinny and filthy. She made Y/n think about Mina, which made her panic. She wondered if they knew where Mina and Kirishima were. She saw her bow and quiver leaning against the tree near her.

“There she is.”

Y/n looked up at the filthy scumbag who had chased her into town. He was grinning again. He seemed very proud of himself. “You’re a pretty girl. What’s your name? I bet it’s something pretty like Jessica or Stephanie or Grace.” Y/n licked her lips and put a finger to the source of her pain. He winced as she touched the red sticky spot. “Sorry ‘bout that. I had to surprise you. Bet it hurts doesn’t it.” He kneeled on the ground in front of her cage. “Wanna tell me about how you got outta town?”

Y/n gulped.

He rattled the cage suddenly and started laughing at her horrified expression. “Jesus you aren’t mute are you? I like it when you girls scream.” He pointed to the girl next to Y/n. “I guess we can make her scream for you.”

The girl shied away from the bars and curled into a small ball. Y/n wanted him dead. Right now.

He pointed at Y/n again, “You’re going to fetch us a good price. I know it.”

Fear rocked Y/n. She didn’t have a plan. That was one of her rules. Her plans where capture was a possibility had never included a cage. She always thought the girls were grabbed and dragged to trucks.

He walked back to the fire and howled into the night air. She watched as he unzipped his pants and peed on the fire.

“Jesus Christ that’s disgusting you fucker.” The hot steam rose from the fire, polluting the air around it. A large group of men started to bitch and complain. Y/n looked at the girl who had a disgusted look on her face.

“I don’t know about you but I don’t want that inside me.” Y/n gasped at her language. The girl grinned at her, “Names Jirou.”

“I’m Y/n.” Y/n looked around for Mina and Kirishima but she didn’t see them anywhere. “How old are you, Jirou?” She asked softly.

Jirou spat on the ground outside of her bars, “Sixteen.” She was malnourished. She would be made to work the farms. She wouldn’t be a breeder.

Y/n wouldn’t let either of them end up that way. She saw a small silver thing on the ground and looked at Jirou.

“Poke that stick this way again.”

She slipped her skinny arm through the bars and passed it to Y/n. Y/n looked back at the men. They were getting drunk and the fire was starting to dim. She flicked at the silver thing and dragged it back to her with several small movements. It was an old rusty nail with a silver tip. She reached her fingers through the bars and grabbed it.

“How old are you?” Jirou asked, watching the men.

“Nineteen.”

“You look older.”

Y/n wanted to frown at her, but the nail in her hands felt too amazing to bother. She passed Jirou the nail, “Pick your lock.”

She eyed it smiling, “Wow you’re good.” She reached her hands through the bars. Jirou made funny faces and then Y/n heard the clunk of the lock. She picked the lock faster than Y/n did. Y/n had only ever picked a couple.

She nodded, “Mom says we have to do whatever it takes to not be a breeder. I will die before I go there.” Her words reminded Y/n of the girl in the back of the truck who screamed. She felt sick. She was even more determined to save Jirou. The rusty nail clanked in the lock. “Want me to do it?”

Y/n gave her a look, “They’ll notice your tiny arm slipping through to my cage.” She fumbled with it again. “Dipshit is coming back.” She pulled her arm in and sat on the nail.

He grinned at Y/n, “I think I wanna taste the merchandise before I give it away.” He pulled a key out of his pants and licked his lips. He got down on the ground in front of her cage and stuck the key in. “You’re gonna like this.”

Y/n felt like throwing up.

He opened the door and reached in lightning fast. His huge hand grabbed her thin wrist and clamped down. He dragged her from the cage. She kicked at him but he was too strong. He pinned her to the ground on her stomach and pulled her hair, whispering into her ear, “Scream and I slit your throat.” He let go of her hair with force and shoved her face into the pine needles and dirt. Y/n coughed and choked. Her eyes flickered at Jirou.

“Don’t do this in front of her,” Y/n begged.

He shoved her face in the pine needles again, “She needs educating. Where you two are going, you’ll both be needing to know how to make a man happy. Think of me as your teacher.”

Y/n felt him grind himself against her and threw up. She couldn’t stop herself. She didn;t have anything in her stomach but bile filled her mouth. She spat it to the side of her face, scared that he would rub her face in it.

He pulled her pants down and she felt his hands on her underwear. She wanted to scream and fight but her hands were pinned. If she screamed, he’d kill her. She made the snap decision that death would be better than this and opened her mouth to scream, only to feel him put all his weight on her.

“Shhh Y/n. Don’t scream. We need to go now. Before they find him.”

Tears sprung from her eyes as she looked back and saw his open eyes still staring at her. The rusty nail stuck out only a little bit from his head, next to his eye. Blood trickled down his face.

Jirou heaved him off of Y/n quietly. The fire was only twenty feet from them and she could see that the group of men had dwindled. They must have gone to sleep. Y/n pushed herself up and grabbed her pants. She saw her knife in his boot and took it, holding it tightly. She wanted to stab him so bad.

Jirou grabbed her hand and pointed to the woods.

They walk hunched over. Y/n grabbed her boy and quiver and followed Jirou into the forest. They ran fast, even though they were barefoot. She recognized the forest after a few moments. Even in the dark she knew where they were.

“Oh shit.”

Y/n stopped after hearing Jirou speak. She was preparing for the worst but instead it was the best. She saw yellow eyes glowing in the dark. She quickly dropped to her knees, ignoring the branches that cut her skin. His paws were around her neck within seconds. His warm breath was in her hair. She started to cry and Hades held her like a mother would a child, and she elt soothed.

“He’s yours?”

Y/n nodded through the tears, “Hades.”

“He’s a big dog.”

Y/n smiled, “He’s a wolf. A tundra wolf.”

“Well we better get moving before they find us.”

Y/n stood and ran toward the farmhouse. She knew it was through the woods and not far. They could hide there until the men were gone. Her brain couldn’t seem to make her own survival important. She needed to know if Kirishima and Mina were safe. Jirou ran as fast as Y/n did. Her footsteps were a whisper in the grass beside Y/n. Y/n burted through the door. The house was dark and silent.

“Mina? Kirishima?” The living room was empty. The blankets were gone. She didn’t know where to go. She didn’t know where Mina and Kirishima would have gone. She ran down the basement steps into the bunker. Nothing was there. She ran back up the stairs, “We need to go hide. They’re gone. They might be looking for me.”

“Who?”

“My friends.” The words felt funny in her mouth.

Y/n grabbed Jirou’s sweaty fingers in the dark and pulled her back out to the barn. They slipped inside the dark of the barn. She dropped to her knees in the hay and felt for the hatch. It had hay glued on top of it. It was impossible to find even in the bright of day. She only found it because it was open when she arrived.

“Hurry climb down here.”

Hades jumped down into the whole like he had before many times. Jirou felt for Y/n in the dark and then the hatch. Y/n climbed down after her and pulled the huge hatch back over the hole.

Y/n felt around in the silence for a stool. She sat and suddenly the pain in her feet was overwhelming. She knew they had been cut.

“Did your feet get cut?”

Jirou was closer than Y/n thought, she whispered right in Y/n’s face, “No. My mom made us walk and run in the woods barefoot all the time. They always take the shoes.”

“Smart.”

“Yeah mom was a warden at a maximum security prison before. She says she knows all the worst things people can do and she knows why they do it.”

Y/n shivered at the thought.

They don’t hear voices or any noises. Eventually Y/n fell asleep on the wooden floor against the warm fur of Hades. Jirou slept against her. Y/n’s feet pounded too hard for her to get a good nights sleep.

Xxxx

“It’s been five days Y/n. He walks to the same spot and makes weird noises. I have a hunting hound. He does the same thing when he wants me to follow him. We need to get following him in the woods.” Jirou had not stopped talking for five days. Mom this and Mom that. Y/n didn’t know what to do to make her quiet. She didn’t take Y/n’s silence as a hint. “Yup that wolf is trying to tell us the way to go to find them. Are your feet better?”

Y/n looked at the cuts on the bottom and nodded, “They have scabs.” She rubbed salve into the bottoms of her feet and pull her socks over the scabs. She pulled on the boots she had stored in the farmhouse bunker ages ago.

Jirou threw a huge bone for Hades. He ran to get it and chewed it in the field, “Not so sharp is he? My hound brings it back.”

Y/n looked at the bone and grimaced, “Is that a human bone?”

Jirou shrugged, “Does it matter?”

Hades picked up the long thin bone and walked toward the same spot in the field like he had for the past five days and whined.

“Okay let’s follow him then.” Y/n slung on her backpack and looked back at the farmhouse. She had left a note in the bunker under the barn. Mina knew it was her favorite hiding place. Y/n’s heart hurt and she decided to not look behind her. She didn;t run through the field. Hades trotted along like a real dog. He didn’t wait at the meeting tree.

Nothing was the same.

She opened the cabin door and suddenly her life felt lost. She knew she would regret opening that stupid door and helping Mina. But she never imagined her regret would be being separated from them.

Her heart hurt when she thought about the kisses she shared with Kirishima. Her stomach hurt when she thought about Mina being taken.

Hades picked up the pace as they entered the woods.She reached out and brushed her fingers along the meeting tree. Instead of going the way home to the cabin he cut a hard left and they climbed a different hill.

“So then when I was twelve she says she wants to try to go to the city. So we get all dressed up and I mean bathed and spiffy. We walk all the way to the city but they don’t just let us in. We have to go through a bunch of tests and other nonsense. The city was brand new. It looked like nothing I’ve ever seen. Anyway they come to us in the bright white clothes and make me take all my brand new clean clothes off. They burned them. Mom was mad then. My aunt failed the diabetes test they gave us and so if we wanted to go into the city we would have to leave her behind. No diabetes in the city. Mom said they could shove that up their asses. So we left the city. My other aunt got grabbed there. Mom thinks it was because she tested healthy they told the bad ones to take her to the breeder farms. They drove up in their trucks and held guns on us. They dragged her into the truck. She screamed and reached for us. Mom never moved. She just watched. I never saw my aunt again.” Her story was the story of thousands of women.

“I’ve seen them taken too. They always leave the kids behind.”

Jirou put a finger to her lips, “Shh you hear that?”

Y/n listened. All she heard was her own heartbeat and it dawned on her that as Jirou chatted on, she listened to the forest the way Y/n does. Y/n doesn’t hear them. No birds, no squirrels. She stopped walking. She pulled an arrow instantly and held the bow ready.

A branch broke to the side of them. She swung the bow with the arrow trembling in her hands. A huge black bear groaned and walked past them to the ridge below them. Hades growled and crouched. He looked at Y/n but she shook her head.

They didn’t turn their backs on it. They walked up the hill backwards until the bear was far enough away. Hades’s dark hackles stayed up until he started sniffing the ground again. He wandered in a circle for a bit.

“So then I was saying to Mom… hey look I think he has a smell. Not totally useless is he?”

Y/n glared at her.

Jirou put her hands up, “What? He’s no hound but I think he’s got the scent.”

They followed him through the thick woods until he suddenly stopped waking. They hiked for hours and that was the most animated she had seen him. He growled in his low town and crawled along the forest floor on his belly. They follow him low to the ground. Y/n was scanning the forest but she saw nothing.

“There.” Jirou pointed to a man wearing camouflage high up in a tree. He held a sniper rifle. There was no way they wouldn’t get around him. She pulled her bow out but Jirou stopped her hand and pointed to a man in another tree just behind him.

“We wait for dark,” Jirou whispered.

Y/n looked at Jirou and frowned, “Where’s your home?”

Her brown eyes look haunted. “It’s back closer to the town by the big river. Mom was taken when they were looking for some girl. They searched all the houses and found my aunt and mom hiding. They didn’t find me. I snuck out the back and over the pointy log wall. The others snatched me outside the gates. The hunters were long gone though, so they were gonna wait for them to come back.”

“It was me,” the words slipped from Y/n’s mouth. Jirou crouched in some larger bush and sat, waiting for nightfall. Y/n spoke after a while. She felt awkward in Jirou’s silence. She was never silent. “I can help you find your mom.”

“She never got taken.”

“Where’d she go?”

“Knowing mom she went to hell. She was a mean and spiteful woman. Full of piss is what my aunt said.”

It hit Y/n like a club to the face, “She died?”

Jirou glanced at her, “I told you what she always said. You do whatever it takes to not go there. They woulda put her in the fields anyway. Her insides were injured having me. She couldn’t have more kids.”

Y/n wanted to cry. Jirou had a mother. She had someone. Y/n felt like it was her fault somehow.

“I’m really sorry Jirou. Do you have anywhere you can go? Do you have other people?”

Jirou shook her head, “Nope. It was me, mom and my aunt.”

Y/n decided she wouldn’t ever leave her. No matter what she wouldn’t leave her.

The day faded to night slowly. Spring was further along and the days were longer. The cool air was still fresh and crisp but the sun was getting warmer.

Hades slept again Y/n and Jirou whittled a small piece of wood. She passed the finished product to Y/n. She didn’t know what it was.

“It’s a rook.”

Y/n raised an eyebrow.

“For chess,” she said it like Y/n was an idiot.

“The game?”

Jirou nodded and smiled, “I’m making the pieces for a board. I guess I have to start over. Mine were in our village.”

Y/n looked confused, “You have a village?”

Jirou shook her head, “Nope. Had. The others came last month and burned it to the ground.”

“Life’s hard, Jirou. I’m convinced the god that everyone talked about before, hates us.”

Jirou’s eyes hardened and she pulled her dark blue hair back from her face, “Don’t ever say that. No matter what we have to believe that he’s going to help us. The evil is us.”

Hades jumped but it was too late. As she heard the branch snap behind her she saw a blak hood go over Jirou’s face. Y/n jumped but the guns were on her.

“What’ve got here?” The man standing before Y/n was grinning. He held a rifle to her face.

Hades was ready to attack but Y/n put her hand out, “No Hades. No.” He looked at her face confused. She could see it in her eyes. She shook her head and then looked at the man. “We’ll walk with you but you can’t put that over my head. If he can’t see my eyes he’s going to lose it and kill at least one of you.”

He nodded, “You walk with the wolf. I’ll kill him if I have to.” He removed the hood from Jirou who looked at Hades. Y/n gave her a sharp look. She knew the desperation on Jirou’s face was trying to over take, Y/n felt the same way. But they couldn’t win the fight. They could die like her mom.

One of the other guys with a gun smirked at Y/n. He was young and bold looking. He spoke to Y/n and she could hear the smile on his face, “I’d ask if you were spies for the other but you’re girls. What girls would help them out? So that leaves me with only one assumption,” He grinned and nudged Y/n, “You’re lookin for a date.”

Y/n doesn’t speak.

Jirou snorted, “You wish. No we’re looking for our friends. The other had us but we got away.” Y/n shot her a dirty look and Jirou scowled. “Don’t give me that look Y/n. Mom says we need to remember some ways of the world before an manners is one of the things we all seem to forget about.”

The man with the gun grinned, “Her mom sounds like the kind of girl we are always looking for. Warm my bed, bake my bread and say please and thank you like a lady should.”

Jirou shoved him, “My mom never warmed no man’s bed. She wasn't no lady. She was a survivor.” The man shoved Jirou back and Y/n caught her.

“Easy kid.”

The leader got in Y/n’s face with his gun. Y/n looked into his dark red eyes angrily, “Her mom just died creating a diversion for her to escape the hunters.” He made a face that surprised Y/n, remorseful.

“I’m sorry Jirou, is it? Never speak ill of the dead, unless they’re the monsters who started all of this.” He held his hands out.”

Jirou sniffed and wiped her nose on her arm, “It’s nothing. She died the way she wanted.” Y/n knew the pain Jirou felt and the strength she hid behind. The leader's eyes told her that he did too.

Hades nudged against her. He was nervous and whined. She looked as they entered a huge camp. The fires were lit making the woods smoky and smelled of food. Her mouth watered as her stomach grumbled. She didn’t the last time she actually ate.

“New recruits?” A man asked, looking Y/n up and down and nodded his head. Hades lunged at him. Y/n seriously thought the wolf could read minds, and that man’s mind was not pure. He jumped back, “Holy shit is that a wolf?”

Y/n laughed, she couldn’t help herself. Hades was hovering over him snarling. The men who had escorted them laughed at the fallen men and Y/n called him, “Hades.”

He snarled once more and ran to Y/n’s side. He stood tall and proud with his chest out. He snarled at everyone.

“You have my friends here don’t you?”

The man with the smile frowned, “Who?”

“A girl and a guy. They’re really good friends.”

His eyes narrowed, “No one’s come recently. Except you.”

“Don’t lie to me. He’s tall with red hair and red eyes. He has an injury on his leg. She’s younger and about my size. She has pink hair and black eyes. They’re really close.”

He shook his head, “Look we don’t have anyone here. We don’t take prisoners.”

Y/n looked at the guns surrounding them and raised her eyebrows.

He laughed, “You were spying on us and have a huge wolf as a pet.”

Y/n didn’t laugh. She wanted Kirishima and Mina,”

Jirou gave Y/n a look, “Why would he bring us here if they’re not here?”

Y/n shrugged, “The smell of food.”

The guy with the gun in her face pointed at Hades, “Keep him under control and we can drop the weapons.”

Y/n patted Hades on the head and scratched his ears. He shook his head once. He was still agitated,

The camp was like nothing Y/n had ever seen. It reminded her of the band of merry men Robin Hood joined in the forest.

She heard a noise she had never heard before. She turned her head when she saw where it came from. A small boy with white blond hair ran past her. He had his arms stretched out. He latched onto Hades, making her jump to his rescue but Hades looked at her and lowered her body for the child.

“Andy no, Not the wolf. Oh my god I’m so sorry.” A dark haired woman walked up to Y/n. She looked older, maybe thirty. She was dressed in a long gathered skirt and a blouse. She was pretty in a simple way. She looked at Jirou and smiled motherly. “We need to get you cleaned up and get some food in that belly. You look like you must be starved.” She looked at the man next to Y/n, “Watch him for me while I get her taken care of?”

The man nodded and kneeled next to the boy who was shrieking and hugging her wolf. Hades panted, contented.

“His name’s Hades. Be careful, okay Andy.” The man put a hand out for Hades to sniff.

Jirou gave her a pleading look as she was getting dragged off. Y/n wanted to reach for her but she didn’t. The woman with the black hair had dark doe eyes that instantly made Y/n feel comfortable.

Y/n looked around and noticed that there were fires everywhere. Small tents lined the forest and lean-tos were staggered amongst them. She had never seen anything like it. Clothes hung from lines in the trees. The canopy provided the perfect shelter. She felt like she had entered a sacred site. Everyone was busting about, as if on a mission.

“This is like the Shire.”

“You’ve read The Hobbit?”

Her neck almost snapped as she looked back him,”Yeah, have you?”

He nodded and patted Hades once more.

“Wolfie wolfie wolfie.” The white haired angel cries into Hades’s dark fur. He looked down with the hug and struggled to escape.

“He’s done.”

The man pulled the boy off, making him make an ungodly noise, “Nooo Bakugo. I wanna hug the wolfie. I wanna wolfie. Miiiine.”

Y/n gasped, “Bakugo?” The eyes and the smile. He looked almost exactly how they described him. “Mina and Kirishima’s friend Bakugo?”

His face dropped, “Mina and Kirishima? My friends?” Y/n nodded. His face grew savage. He let go of the boy and gripped her arm harshly. He shouted in her face, “Where are they?”

Y/n pointed, “I thought they were here.”

Hades didn’t like the struggle going on. He lept in between them and knocked Bakugo to the ground. He had him by the scruff of his shirt and was making a noise she had never heard before.

“Hades.”

He ignored Y/n. She sat on the ground and made a whistle sound and Hades tugged once more on his shirt before backing away. He turned and sauntered towards her. He was overwhelmed. She was overwhelmed. He curls onto her lap and as she stroked his ears while he trembled.

Bakugo stood up and walked toward Y/n. Hades growled and snarled in her lap. She looked up at Bakugo.

“I wouldn’t move if I were you.”

His dark eyes played in the dim light of dusk, “They’re alive?”

“Last time I saw them.”

His jaw tenses up.

Y/n turned to see a rugged man walk up to where they were, “Bakugo I need to go over some things with you.”

The white haired boy saw the man and started his tirade all over again. He was stomping his feet and pointing at Hades who trembled. She wrapped her arms around him and glared at the young boy. She hated children.

“Stop that you little brat. You’ll get us all killed,” Y/n hissed at him. The noise would no doubt draw the others or worse.

Bakugo laughed at her but his expression was lost.

Jirou walked over to Y/n in a clean dress with patches. Her hair was slicked back and wet. She was holding a platter of sorts covered in meat and something white.

“Y/n thith ith cheeth. You have to have thum.” Her mouth was near bursting as she spoke. Y/n grimaced watching her stuff her mouth. She sat beside Hades and Y/n. He raised his face instantly and started eating from Jirou’s plate.

Hades was making his weird wolf noise that he made when he was happy. It almost sounded like a cat purring but lower and deeper inside of him.

The platter was empty and Y/n had had nothing. She couldn’t stop looking up at Bakugo, who was talking to another man. He glanced at Y/n every now and then. She could tell that he wanted to talk to her.

“The people I’m looking for, Mina and Kirishima, Bakugo is their friend.” She pointed to him subtly.

Jirou raised an eyebrow, “You think that’s why Hades brought us here?”

Y/n shrugged, “Maybe. I think he smelled the food.”

Jirou grinned with food in her teeth, “Thank god for Hades and his belly.”

“I’m worried about where they are though. If they’re not here, where could they have gone?”

“The farms,” Jirou said nonchalantly, even though Y/n knew that Jirou feared the idea of it whether he had met them or not.

Y/n’s skin prickled thinking about them in the farms. Mina was old enough to be put to ‘work’ and Kirishima was strong. He would be made to work hard labor.

Y/n looked up and saw people eyeballing them. They pretended to be working near them, but they watched Hades as he ate. It made Y/n smile. If only they know how much of a pussycat he was.

She felt fingers bite into her skin, “Wolfie mine!” He shouted in her face. The little brat was back. She hated him. His greedy little fingers were wiping an orange paste on her shirt. She leaned away from him.

“Don’t look so horrified. He’s just a kid.” Bakugo picked the little monster up and carried him back to the doe eyed lady. Y/n felt sorry for her. She thought that her life must be horrid. Y/n looked at the orange stain mixed with debris smeared across her sleeve

She glanced up at Bakugo, “Is there somewhere I can wash up?”

He nodded at the dark haired lady, “Mary can take you.”

Mary smiled, “Followed me.” She passes the evil beast with the white hair to a man next to her. Y/n looked at Jirou who nodded.

“Just don’t get roped into the dress and them brushing your hair. It’s a bad experience. Hades is fine here with me.”

Y/n walked away from Hades, she knew that he would see the fear in her eyes and follow. She didn’t want him anywhere near the little monster

“You’ve never seen a child before have you?” Mary asked sweetly as they walked past a grouping of tents and lean-tos. She led her down a steep narrow dirt path.

“Not in over ten years. Just the ones left behind when the mom’s get taken. I don’t hang around long enough to get to the know them though.”

“That’s horrible. You leave little kids alone?”

Y/n didn’t care if she judged her. She was alive, “I was a kid too Mary. I barely took care of myself and Hades.”

Mary crossed her arms, “He gets tired once it’s after six. He really is a sweet boy. Once you get to know him, you’ll love him.”

She tried not to be rude but spoke her mind, “He will get you killed with noises like that. The infected love noisy things that lead to food.”

Mary looked back aghast, “We never leave camp. None of the children do.”

“So you have an agreement with the infected and the others that they stay out of your camp so the kids can be as noisy as they want?” Her sarcasm was filled with more sarcasm.

Mary laughed, “You really don’t have any social skills do you

She shrugged, “I’ve made it this long out there, alone.”

Mary looked shocked, “How long have you been alone.”

Y/n sighed, “Since the beginning.”

The walls surrounding the water were high and rocky. Nothing could get to the massive lagoon of crystal clear dark green water. The only visible path was the one she was standing on. She pulled her boots and socks off. Her scabs stung on the dirt and rocks. She pulled down her pants and ripped off her shirt. She ran down the remainder of the path. She ran onto the huge flat rocks that made a platform and dived in. The cold ripped through her instantly but she had never felt this clean. She remembered her baths as a small kid. They were filled with bubbles and hard plastic mermaids. This was much better. The freshness of the water made her feel alive in a good way. She lied on her back and floated.

She looked over at Mary as she jumped off the rock. Y/n blushed as she entered the water with a big splash. Mary had been completely naked. Y/n had never seen another naked lady before.

Suddenly a noise ripped through the air. She turned as several people jumped into the water. The waves and splashes were taking over the lagoon.

“Oh my god it’s freezing.” Y/n saw a small blonde girl who was a little older than she was next to her. Her teeth chattered and suddenly Y/n realized that her teeth were chattering too.

In a split second a hand pushed Y/n underwater. She sputtered and coughed as she forced her head above the water.

“Hey are you okay,” a guy asked, Y/n assumed it was the one who had pushed her under. Everyone was staring at her and she ran.

She ran faster to get away from their voices. She felt like a freak. She made her way to the nearest fire. She was alone, until she felt the warm breath at her hip. His cold nose felt warm against her bare skin. Y/n went to go grab her dirty clothes but Mary was there, holding a pile.

“Here,” she said. She was dripping wet too. They stood looking at each other in the firelight. Mary was so beautiful in her soaked dress with the water dripping from her.

“Thanks,” Y/n took the pile and pulled on the shirt and pants over her soaked underwear. She pulled her bra off once the shirt was on and covered her.

Mary took it in her hand, “What’s your name?”

“Y/n.”

Mary leaned in and kissed Y/n on the cheek softly, “Y/n it’s okay. You’re safe here. No infection and no others and no military. We take care of each other.” She took Y/n’s soaking bra and pile of dirty clothes and left. Y/n stood by the fire and realized she had kissed her. She had liked that Mary kissed her. It was a nice feeling. Not nice the way Kirishima’s was. Hers was sweet and soft. It made her happy.

She looked down at Hades, who had turned his face in the light of the fire and whined. She patted his head and looked to where Mary walked. She dropped Y/n’s clothes into a basket and pointed to a bright orange glow in the woods across the camp. “Come to the fire. We sing and play guitar.”

Y/n pulled on her dry clothes and wrapped her arms around herself. Hades and Y/n followed Mary through the woods to where a large bonfire is burning. She could hear the music faintly in the crackle of the flames and embers. It was folk music, but better. She hadn’t heard music since before. She felt like an outsider but the people at the fire smiled at her. Someone shoved over on the log in front of her to make space. Hades watched her sit in a crowd. He didn’t know how to respond to it and whined a little.

Heat waves rose from the huge fire making it hard to see across where the musicians sre. The logs were built higher than the people sitting. She could make out a man with a small guitar. He was old and had a beard. A man started singing with the small guitars. His voice was incredible. It was raspy and sweet. Y/n was in a trance. She sat and closed her eyes. The music brought back something soft and sweet that she never knew she was missing. The sweet voice sent shivers down her spine and her throat was thick with unfelt emotions. They sat in a huge circle, warmed by the fire and the raw human emotions inside of the song. It was about love and sacrifice.

This was the greatest moment of her life. She had experienced nothing like this, even before. Time passed, she didn’t know how much. Songs were sung. Whiskey was passed and drank and swayed her body like everyone else. Her guard was not only lowered but completely destroyed.

In the light Y/n could see Mary. She sang and laughed and drank. Her eyes sparkled in the orange glow.

Slowly people trickled away from the fire. Hades had crept up and was lying at her feet. The pile of logs and lumber on the fire had burned down to ash and in the embers she had seen something she never expected. Bakugo was the singer with the haunting voice that had lit her up. He felt the music, she could see that. His eyes were closed and his fingers gently stroked the guitar. He finished the song and Y/n couldn’t help but see him differently.

He walked over to where she was sitting and sat down beside her.

“You’re a good singer.”

“We need to talk.”

Sitting beside him made her insides crawl.. He didn’t look sweet and soft like Mary did. He looked annoyed and angry with her. She felt intimidated by him. He didn’t seem like the goof Mina described. He was intense.

“I know you.”

His long legs seemed huge compared to hers. His were thick and strong looking. His face was handsome like Kirishima’s, but more commanding. She wanted to listen to him for some reason. She felt like he could keep her safe, like he did with everyone else there.

“So where are they?”

She shook her head and tried not to watch his mouth. “I don’t know. They were at my farmhouse last time I saw them?”

“How did thg look?

Y/n gulped, “Great. Kirishima was hurt a bit but I got him medicine. They were fine when I left though.”

“Where did you meet them?

“First my cabin,” She stated the story at the beginning and tried to not stare at his lips as he processed what she had to say. She wanted him to sing to her more.

--

im so tired holy fuck

[amazingphanisnotonfire-imagines]

Madelaine//i wasn’t ready then, i’m ready now, i’m heading straight for you

Request: Maybe you could do an imagine for Madeleine where reader is pregnant and is hanging out with cami Lili and Vanessa while Madeleine films a scene and she goes into labor and the girls start to panic and Madeleine has to cut the scene short & just fluff?

hey! its returned!! wooo! i hope you like this!!! also, thank you @statticghost for helping me with the title! it’s from adele’s ‘sweetest devotion’ which she wrote for her kid, which is quite nice. anyway, go check out @stattic-writes because they’re great and i like them a lot!! and have a nice day!! 

To most people, the behind the scenes of the Riverdale set is one huge maze that takes an eternity to walk through. With giant sets, an uncertain amount of rooms used for anything from storage to nap rooms and an unlimited amount of wiring lining the walls and floors. 

However to a very pregnant woman, it’s almost impossible to get through without getting lost at least twice, tripping at least five times (made even worse when you can’t see past your own stomach) and having to sit down every five minutes. Plus, the dull ache in your back you’ve been feeling all morning hasn’t really helped you. You’ve spent a good hour walking around and looking for your friends, and you’ve only now just found them, sat in what is usually the student lounge of Riverdale High. 

“Y/n? Did you swallow a planet?” Lili asks and you send her a sarcastic smile as you waddle towards her. 

Vanessa and Cami stop talking at the mention of your name, and large smiles appear on their faces once they see you. Cami and Vanessa stand to help you the last few feet to where they’re all sat while Lili moves along on the brown sofa so you can sit down. 

“It certainly looks like I did.” You huff once you’ve sat down. Your hands rest on your stomach as you take a few minutes to catch your breath. 

“Don’t listen to her. You look great.”

“You are a terrible liar Cami.”

“I’m not lying, you look amazing, especially considering the fact that you’re 38 weeks pregnant.” She argues, both Vanessa and Lili agreeing with her and you roll your eyes at your friends. They’re very sweet, but they’re all awful liars. 

“39 actually.”

“Shouldn’t you be at home?” Vanessa shifts in her seat so she’s facing you and you huff loudly, crossing your arms over your chest. You probably look like a grumpy toddler right now, with a pout on your lips and your arms crossed, but so would anybody that had been asked the same question every time they had a conversation with someone over the past few weeks.

“I should.” You nod. “But there’s only so much day time television I can take. My god its boring, I need to do something.”

“You’re gonna miss boring when they come along.” Lili glances at your stomach and you smile softly. 

“I know. But right now I couldn’t care less. I just want to talk to somebody that isn’t myself or a baby that can’t reply.”

“You’ve been talking to yourself?” Cami asks with a hint of concern in her voice. 

“I spend hours alone in the house, who else am I supposed to talk to.”

“Your friends?” She shrugs. 

“You try answering the door, or the phone with this attached to you making everything ten times harder.” You reply, sending her a look. 

“Fair point.” She nods. 

“How’d you get here then?” Lili asks. 

“With great difficulty.” You say, despite the lack of humour in your tone, the girls still laugh at your comment and even though you don’t want to, you feel a small smile breaking through your grumpy facade, until all four of you are giggling quietly. “Is Madelaine around?” 

“She’s filming at the minute, but she should be done soon.” Vanessa tells you, grabbing her phone and checking the time. You nod slowly, weighing up your lunch options while you look around. 

“Who’s facing Cheryl Blossom’s wrath today?” You ask. 

“Archie.” Lili replies, sending you a look and you grimace. 

“Poor KJ.”

“I think the stress of the baby is making her acting even better. She seems to channel all of that stress into making Cheryl the bitchiest woman ever. Its fascinating to watch.” Cami says and you smile at your friend. 

“And kind of scary.” Lili adds making you laugh. 

“Yeah. She’s kind of gone a little crazy over the past few weeks. She’s been planning literally everything. She has notebooks filled with baby things, the nursery was finished within the first month that we found out I was pregnant. And last week, she started setting alarms at weird hours of the night to get used to the sleep schedule.” You explain and they look at you with varying amounts of alarm. 

“Its sweet that she’s excited though.” Vanessa says. 

“Yeah it is.” You smile. They’ve never seen you smile like that before, full of excitement and joy and it makes them all smile too. Madelaine has the same look whenever somebody mentions you or the baby, and its very sweet to witness.

Your fingers draw light patterns over your stomach, and the baby kicks in return. Despite the pain, you smile anyway, wondering if they can hear you take about their mom.

They could come at any time really and you and Madelaine are waiting eagerly to welcome them into the world. Its something you’ve been wanting and waiting for, for two years, so you’re more than excited. Its been a long and draining journey filled with high exceptions and disappointing realities, doctors surgeries and needles and tears and frustration, but its all been leading up to this, and so its more than worth it. 

“I can’t wait to meet them.” Cami interrupts your thoughts and you look at her slightly dazed. 

“Yeah, me too.” Both Vanessa and Lili nod in agreement and you smile at the three of them. 

“Do you have any names?” Vanessa asks. 

“Nothing for certain yet. I think Madelaine’s convinced that when it comes out, it’ll just have a face that fits a name.” 

“So the answer is no then?” Cami teases. 

“Basically yeah.” You agree, laughing a little. 

“I don’t know if Madelaine has told you but, I hope you know you’re probably going to need a bigger house with all of the stuff you’re going to get just from us three.”

“Yep.” You nod. “She’s told me. And she told me about all the other cast and crew. Is it true that Casey got a huge 6ft teddy bear.” 

“Yes.” Lili laughs. “It lives in his spare room and he’s become quite attached to it.” 

“I’m pretty sure he said he was keeping that one and just buying you a new one.” Vanessa continues and the four of you laugh loudly. 

Yours however, is cut short by a sharp pain in your lower stomach. Your sudden inhale stops all laughter and the three of them look at you quickly. Your eyes screw shut while one hand grips your lower back and the other holds your stomach. 

“Y/n?” Vanessa asks quietly. “Is everything okay.” 

“Nope.” You force out through gritted teeth, slowly opening your eyes to look at them. 

Even though you’re fully prepared for this, you’ve read every book and article, some even twice because of Madelaine, now that its actually happening, all of that knowledge has gone out the window and all you want to do is cry. Nothing is right, Madelaine is busy, and its a week early and even though you love your friends dearly, the way they are looking at you is making you feel more panicked. 

The pain dulls a little at you let out a long breath, gripping the corner of the sofa and all three of the girls wince as they watch you. You feel something shift, and then another wave of pain rolls around and you grit your teeth again, pressure building up in your lower abdomen. 

“Is it happening?” Vanessa asks and you nod quickly. 

“Are you sure?” Lili asks, helping you stand when you try and do it yourself. Vanessa and Cami surround you, all of them steadying you while you’re doubled over in pain. 

“No. I’m just trying to tell this apart from a stomach ache, yes of course I’m sure. How can you not be sure that a human life is coming out of you?!” You grumble angrily, trying to focus your breathing. 

“Okay, just checking.” She apologizes. “Why don’t you sit down?” 

“I don’t want to sit down.” 

“Okay, me and Cami will help you stand, and Lili will go find Mads. Okay?” Vanessa takes charge of the situation and you’re glad somebody has. You don’t know what you would have done if all three of them stayed this panicked. 

“Okay.” You nod and Cami takes over from Lili. “Please hurry.” You hear Lili walk away, her footsteps getting quieter and you try to focus on listening for her coming back. 

“Okay, right. What do we do? I’ve never been in this situation before, what do we do?” Vanessa says frantically, looking around and trying to find something to help. Okay, maybe you were a little quick to think that she would know what to do. 

“We...breathe!” Cami says quickly. “Okay, Y/n, Y/n? Take deep breaths. In and out. In and out.” 

“Please stop saying in and out.” You cry, another contraction coming and going and the grip on her t-shirt tightens. 

“Sorry.” 

“Do you want anything? A drink or something?” Vanessa asks.

“I’m, ow, ow, ow, fuck, fuck fucking, shit OW.” 

“Owwww.” Cami cries, her legs buckling slightly as you squeeze her hand. 

“Stop being a baby.” Vanessa scolds and she sends her a glare back. 

“You’re not the one thats having the life squeezed out of their hand.” 

“You’re not the one pushing a melon sized thing out of your vagina! I get to say ow and nobody else.” You interrupt, getting more and more annoyed by the second. Where the hell is Lili? 

She’s only gone for two minutes, but two minutes feel like a life time when you’re pushing a human out of you. And so when she returns with a very panicked Madelaine in tow, you don’t know whether to hug her or hit her. 

Either one wouldn’t do much to stop the pain you’re feeling, but when Madelaine places a gentle hand on your back, taking over from Vanessa and Cami, you do feel a little bit better. 

“Hi babe.” Her voice is soft and comforting and dulls the pain slightly. You manage to stand up a little to look at her, and the smile thats lighting up her face is the best thing you’ve ever seen. She looks happier than you’ve ever seen her before and if you weren’t in so much pain, you’d definitely tell her how cute she looks. 

“Hi.” You manage to reply, despite it feeling like you’re being stabbed repeatedly. Her smile fades as she watches you grimace, and now she looks worried. But she tries to hide it, painting on a slightly wonky smile as she looks back at you. 

“You’re not supposed to be here.” She says, trying to distract you and a you let out a small laugh. 

“I got bored.” 

“Not so bored now are you?” She teases. 

“Nope.” You steel yourself against her and she wraps an arm around your waist, the other holds your hand tightly as she leads you towards the door. 

“Can one of you grab my bag please?” She asks the girls and Vanessa quickly runs off to grab it. Madelaine continues to lead you out of the door and after a lifetime (a minute) of walking, you’re stood by the doors that lead into the cast and crew parking lot. Vanessa catches up with you, and follows you to the car, putting Madelaine and yours’ bag in the backseat. 

“Are you telling me I could have just walked through that door instead of wandering around for an hour.” You huff as Madelaine helps you into the car. 

“Well, I told you to stay in bed but you wouldn’t listen to me.” She replies while fastening your seatbelt and you catch her gaze, sending her a hard glare. 

“Do you really want to argue with me right now?” 

“...nope.” She shakes her head quickly, double checking that you’re safe and you have everything before moving around the car and climbing into the drivers seat. The girls have already left, off to tell various people what is happening so its just the two of you. 

Madelaine starts the car, but takes a moment to look over at you, sat panting and sweaty in the passenger seat, but she knows she’s never loved anyone more. There’s nobody else in this world that she’d rather be doing this with, you’re her best friend and her soulmate and she’s going to love you and this baby for the rest of her life and beyond. 

“I love you.” She reaches her hand over the console to hold yours and you stop what you’re doing to look back at her, a small smile twitching at your lips. 

“I love you too.” You reply and press a soft kiss to her hand. 

“Are you ready?” She asks. 

“No.” You say honestly. “Are you?” 

“Absolutely not.” She laughs. 

Neither of you are worried though, because you know you have each other. 

[ussjellyfish]

Felix’s birth story

So I never wrote this out after he was born, or last year, and this year, my little gentleman is 2, and it seems like the time to tell it.

So, Felix’s birth story under the cut. (unmedicated vaginal delivery, really almost boring).

Felix’s due date was January 14th, and he was born on January 14th. I went for a walk the night before, and it was cold, really cold (-25C ish), and really beautiful and icy.

After midnight I had contractions, and I don’t think I could have said what a contraction was before I had them, but when I had them, it was obvious. (so that was nice!)

And they didn’t hurt at first, they were kind of consuming and tight and I couldn’t sleep through them. I did try to sleep. I lay there in the dark and listened to Drastic Measures (Star Trek Discovery) on audiobook because I had that on my phone and it didn’t take any effort.

My cats came and slept on me and it was actually kind of nice (but weird, intimidating because at some point it was going to hurt and be more intense and I wasn’t quite ready and when do you actually go to the hospital (I didn’t want to go early and be bored).

My water broke at around 430am, and it was weirdly just like they tell you. A pop kind of and gush, like I’d suddenly peed my pants without feeling like peeing.

I got up, I took off my pajamas, I put towels on my bed and then I couldn’t sleep anymore. I hadn’t bothered to time anything, I hadn’t looked at my phone, and I remember leaning on his crib, dancing around a little because they were pretty tight and wondering if I should use the contraction timer (which I hadn’t even looked at but I did have on my phone).

So I did that for about half an hour and I remember staring at the times thinking “these are too close together, I should wait until they are further apart and then go” They’d said around 5 minutes apart, you could head in.

Mine were three minutes or less apart then, and they lasted almost a minute. They hurt, a little, like my whole belly was tightening up and almost bouncing down? Very weird. Truly a unique experience.

So I woke up my mom after 5 and told her to walk the dog. She was staying with me with her rather annoying dog and my mom’s rather annoying so I wasn’t thrilled. We already had the car seat in the car and I had a bag (which included my star trek robe, always a good choice).

Mom was kind of skeptical, I guess because I wasn’t in that much pain. It did hurt, now, like the worst menstrual cramps I’d ever had and kind of bigger (I suppose my uterus was a lot bigger). It was cold and my mom was complaining about my car (I needed the brakes fixed) and we listened to classical music on the radio because she was grumpy.

It was after 6 when we got to the hospital, and we walked in and I remember in the parking lot was the first contraction I couldn’t walk through. I just stood there because it really hurt and if I was still, it was fine. And then you fill out paperwork and they offered me a wheelchair, which I didn’t want. Then they send me into a room to get checked and I took my clothes off and I was so wet, fluid was leaking and it just keep leaking and I was sweaty and they put a monitor on me and made me sit on the bed

Which sucked. Holding still sucked, sitting sucked and then they did an internal exam which was really uncomfortable and one of the women from my labor class had been sent home because she wasn’t in labor enough, and I was worried, because going home sounded so annoying.

I was at 8 centimeters, so I did not have to go home and the stupid monitor said Felix was fine. (stupid monitor). So we walked to the delivery room, which had purple lights, and I wanted to take a bath SO much and they wouldn’t let me because of the monitor. (my monitor hatred is strong).

My doula came, and she was awesome awesome. I hadn’t met her before and I didn’t get the one I thought I’d have because I was apparently so close they sent the faster one who lived closer. We changed positions a lot and wandered around and I remember basically peeing on the floor because I didn’t have to pee that much and they also weren’t that keen on mme going to the toilet. I don’t know why. They just put towels on the floor and it was fine.

My doctor was a 2nd year resident, and we were his second continuity of care delivery (where he’d been my prenatal too). He’s very sweet and enthusiastic. The teaching doc we got is this very calm Asian woman with small hands and really pretty hair. She came in around 8 because then I could push.

They made me lie down, which was annoying. They were worried about Felix being too big because I had gestational diabetes (mild and a huge point of contention because they just made everything hell).

I had to hold my legs and pushing is just the strangest movement because it’s muscles you usually don’t use. The light was bright over the bed and I did swear a few times, or yell, because it hurt and it was more just...frustrating and exhausting because it hurt and then it would still hurt and I did the right things but he would get closer and then go back.

I remember them wanting me to push with every contraction and there was one where I just took a break. Screw you guys.

I never really felt the bearing down they talk about. I thought I’d hit somewhere when I wanted to push and I didn’t. My hand hurt because the stupid IV was doing something. I had to hold on to my legs and that was annoying.

They decided they needed to do an episiotomy, and I’m still kind of bitter about this because we didn’t try changing positions (my doula did ask I was just not in the position to argue or advocate).

That part is really strange. I didn’t have any fight. I was tired, sure, but I was really agreeable. I’m told this is hormones too.

The umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck and kind of short, so I’d push him down and it would pull him back up. So they numbed me up (getting the needles in for that hurt) and my teaching doc did the cutting and then I pushed once and he just fell out.

He was just there, and damn, not being pregnant anymore feels really great. Kind of empty, but you’re so bendy-flexible- not under any tension anymore. It’s great.

And the placenta was nothing. It just kind of squelched out. It did look cool.

He had chubby arms and a chubby face and he was totally fine. I held him for a bit, he was not interested in eating, so they weighed him and gave him a hat and a heel poke and they stiched up the episiotomy.

That hurt, and my student doc was doing the stitches and he went outside the anesthetic for a few stitches and damn. I remember saying fuck a few times.  I also got to get up to pee and I had one nurse called Katie who had been there and two more had come in at the end and they didn’t want to let me up, but I stood up just fine.

My nurse Katie said I hadn’t had an epidural and I think that was rather rare because they were surprised I could just walk.

And I was tired, like I’d been running or swimming or climbing, something really full body exhausting, but it didn’t hurt really.

We moved to the other room and Felix and I watched CNN and eventually we worked out how to get the boob in his mouth (more of it than I thought had to go in there).

and it was really boring. My mom stayed and my dad came and...it was still boring. Felix was very cute and cuddly and he wanted boob and snuggles and I remember changing his diapers and holding him (those funny sticky black new baby diapers) and he just wanted to be held all the time, and we atched pointless television because they won’t just let you go home.

I got ibuprofen and paracetemol and pancakes. I had pancakes right after he was born because I was so hungry.

And chocolate pudding and they were terrible pancakes but, I was hungry.

They made me pee in a weird upside down hat thing that went on the toilet a few times and then they left me alone.

It was very alone. I remember holding him in the bath in his blanket because I wanted a bath but I didn’t want him to get lonely and cry so I couldn’t grab him.

I was so sleep deprived and they don’t want you hold him in bed and fall asleep so he went down and back and down and back and I did eventually just give up and hold him and sleep.

He was also a perfect size. We went home the next day, which was too long in the hospital, especially after I got released at 1pm and he didn’t get out until 7pm because he was a little yellow. (he bounced back fine, but was a little yellow at first)

Then we went home, and watched Discovery and the Witcher and Korean zombie dramas and I ate so much chocolate peanut butter pretzels. My Doula came to visit, and we talked and I remember thinking kind of in a shellshocked way that I was really annoyed they made me push on my back and I couldn’t do anything about it.

It’s actually not a good position! It goes against the spine and I had my feet in stirrups and I had a nasty bruise on my hand from my IV (that I also didn’t need, they just ran saline the whole time) and my pinkie finger was all tingly (that took weeks to get back to normal).

And all the “you just had a baby” advice is totally crap if you’re single. Let someone else...do the dishes cook for you do...

No, you do ALL the things and baby, and change diapers in the middle of the night and feed them (constantly, it’s so constant).

And take the kiddo to get his blood checked when it’s -35C outside. (poor little guy, he was fine, didn’t even need the light jacket). And get weighed (he was getting plenty of milk and chubbed up fast).

But newborns have no personality. (in my opinion They don’t even really ‘like’ you. You feed them and you make them comfortable and they sleep, and sleep, and snuggle.

Star Trek got me through a lot those first couple months until he was big enough to know I was there (like actually know me)

[yikesharringrove]

I love your trans Stevie au so much! I was wondering were Stevie and billy already together when she came out or did they get together after?

I’m gonna write the big fic I have planned for mtf stevie, so I decided to explore something different than what my plan is for that one

modern

Under the cut for some very brief transphobia and a mention of self harm/vague intonations of suicide, Billy talks about his dad (nothing is graphic, but still thought I’d warn)

-

Billy figured he would be the talk of the damn town he stomped out the Camaro and into the school like he owned the place.

He thought everyone would stare at the vintage muscle car, thought girls would whisper behind their hands as he walked down the hall.

And as he looked across the parking lot, he got a taste of what he wanted, saw a few curious glances to his California plates.

But then a sleek black BMW pulled into the space next to his, a beautiful brunette girl getting out of the driver’s seat.

It was like a hush fell over the lot.

Everyone stared at her as she walked into the school, head held high, shoulders back.

Billy followed her into the school, watching her closely.

Her hands trembled as she opened her locker, carefully placing textbooks inside.

He wanted to know what her deal was.

He leaned against her locker.

“You new here, too?” She looked over at him, smiling weakly.

“In a way.” He held out his hand.

“Billy Hargrove.”

“Stevie Harrington.” He took her hand in his, made sure to smirk just so.

“You think you could help me find my first period? I just moved here, and didn’t manage to get a tour before the first day.” She flushed a little.

“Um, can I see your schedule?” She scanned over it.

“Oh man, you’ve got Andrews for English. She was a nightmare. I had her two years ago.” Billy furrowed his brows.

“I thought you were new-”

“Harrington’s a fucking tranny!” Stevie’s reaction was immediate.

The second the shout came from down the hall, she slammed her locker shut, shoving Billy’s schedule at him.

“Have a good first day.” She practically ran down the hall.

Billy looked back at the group of rowdy guys, all laughing as Stevie darted down the hall.

“Hey! What the fuck?” Billy stomped up to them, shoving the one that yelled against the lockers. “Don’t fucking say that!”

“Dude, that’s fucking Alex Harrington. He like, disappeared last year. He’s a fucking tra-”

Billy didn’t let him finish the sentence.

Punched him square in the nose.

“Don’t ever fucking using that word. You’re fucking disgusting.” He glared at each of the guys in turn. “If I fucking see, or hear, or get any kinda wind of y’all fucking with her, I’m gonna break all ‘a your noses.”

He smirked as they fucking cowered.

Yeah. Bow to your new fucking King.

-

He found Stevie back at her locker a few minutes into the lunch period.

He leaned on the lockers next to hers again.

“This place fucking sucks.” She gave him an odd look. “Apparently y’all have to eat in the cafeteria. At my old school, I used to eat out on the football field.”

“Yeah, we don’t really have a football field.” She closed her locker quietly. She was fidgeting with her hands.

“You don’t got a lucnh?”

“I, uh, I usually buy it. But I don’t really wanna, wanna face everyone in there.” Her voice was small, and she was avoiding eye contact.

“I could bring you something. Or stand in line with you, or something.” She looked up at him, biting the inside of her cheek.

“Is this a joke?”

“No?”

“Or like, like a prank?”

“No. I’m really offering.” He tried to keep his face open, wanted her to trust him.

“Um, I guess it would be okay if you stood with me.” They set off down the hall. “But you don’t have to sit with me, or anything.”

“Why wouldn’t I?” She huffed a laugh.

“Did you hear what Tommy yelled this morning?”

“Yeah, I did. Punched him out for it.” Stevie stopped in her tracks, whirling around to look incredulously at Billy.

“You what?”

“He shouldn’t’ve said that.”

“Billy, he wasn’t lying-”

“That’s not what I meant. He shouldn’t have used that specific word, and he shouldn’t’ve fucking outed you. It’s your choice if you want to be out or not.” Her eyes were even fucking bigger than usual as she looked at him.

“I mean, I don’t really have a choice in a town this size. Especially because, because everyone knew me before.”

“Still, it was fucked up. And that wasn’t okay.” They began walking again.

“Um, thank you, Billy. I was wondering who busted Tommy’s face. He’s gotta big mouth. Gets punched a lot.” Billy laughed, and was delighted to see Stevie give him a little half smile. 

The smile was gone when they reached the cafeteria.

But Billy stayed in line next to Stevie. She insisted on buying him a cookie, but he split it in half when they found a table in the back corner of the cafeteria, nudging part of it over to her.

She was tense all through lunch, waiting for something to happen.

Billy reached across the table, taking her hand.

“You’re really brave. You know that, right?” She bit her lip.

“I’m so fucking scared.”

“I know you are. And honestly, it makes sense you’re scared. But I’m here for you, and if anyone gets fresh, they can fucking catch these hands.” She laughed softly.

“Thank you. I really don’t think I could’ve made it today without you.” She took a shaky breath. “You know, I came out to my parents a few years ago. They were, it was bad. And I had to, you know stay in the closet. And at the end of last year, in like, Novemner I, I went through some stuff, and I just, I snapped. I tried to hurt myself. And I think it really opened my mom’s eyes that, that I wasn’t faking. So she talked my dad into letting me transition.” She was playing with her napkin.

“Thank you for telling me.” Billy squeezed her hand. “We moved here because my dad got arrested. And he wanted to come start fresh.”

“Do you, can I ask why he got arrested?”

“He broke my collarbone. Pushed me down the porch stairs. Our neighbors saw.”

“Billy, oh my God, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. I mean, it’s not really, but I just wanted you to know. I get the shitty parent thing.” She smiled at him.

“Would you, would you want to come over? After school?” Her cheeks were a little flushed.

“I’d love to.”

-

Stevie had neglected to tell him that she lived in a fucking mansion.

Billy stared at it as he parked behind her.

“When the fuck were you gonna tell me you were loaded?” She blushed.

“Um, I kinda forget you’re not from here. That you don’t already know all my business.”

She led him upstairs to her bedroom. It was immaculately clean, but so very plain.

“My mom was real serious about designing our whole house. She’s in the process of redoing my room right now. I mean, I didn’t really mind, but I think she’s trying to make amends, really show me she accepts me.” Billy sat down at her desk as she made a home for herself on the bed.

“That’s pretty cool of her.”

“Yeah. She’s trying. My dad still calls me Alex most days, though.”

“Do you mind if I ask you why you picked Stevie?”

“Um, Stevie Nicks, actually. I just really respect her and I always liked the name.”

“God, my mom loved Fleetwood Mac. She had all their albums on vinyl, and we’d listen to Tusk, and just like, scream it.”

“Your mom sounds nice.” Billy smiled tightly at her.

“She was.” Stevie’s eyes went wide.

“I’m sorry.” Billy shrugged.

“My stepmom’s not too bad. And my little sister’s a hoot. She’s such a little spitfire, you two would so get along.” He sat back in the desk chair, looking at the things on her desk.

There was a jar she had written on with gold sharpie. It had a few bills and was about half full of change. Curling handwriting spelled Pussy Fund. Billy snorted when he saw it. He held it up to her.

“Pussy Fund?” She laughed.

“I was gonna call it the Coochie Collection but that felt a little crass.”

“That felt crass?” She laughed again.

“My dad’s insurance covers hormones, but nothing else, really, so I’m saving up for confirmation surgery.” Billy dug through his pocket, found three wadded bills, slapping them through the little opening in the top of the jar. “Billy, wait, you don’t have to-”

“Oh, come on. It’s three bucks. You’re my only friend in this damn town. Gonna support the garbage outta you.” She beamed at him.

He phone chimed.

“Oh, hell yeah. It’s hormone o’clock.” She pulled a black bag out of her backpack. She rifled through it, loading a syringe. “Okay, I’ll be back.” She closed the bathroom door softly behind her.

He peaked at the contents of the back. She had a few pills, needles in sterile packaging, antiseptic wipes, sanitizer and latex gloves. Billy stood up to look at the little bottle of clear liquid, estrogen.

She smiled brightly when she came out of the bathroom.

“How long have you been on hormones?” She cleaned up her little bag.

“Um, since January 6th. So just about nine months now. I was just on blockers for a while, and then they introduced the estrogen. And I though giving myself shots was gonna be a big nightmare, but I actually kinda like it.”

“I think that makes sense. It’s helping you.”

“Well, and I feel like everything changed so fast, like looking at pictures from before, I look so different. It’s like my body was just waiting to catch up to my brain.”

“I think it was. Just needed a push in the right direction.”

“Plus, I was always kind of a pretty boy. Like, once I figured out how to do my makeup, how to soften some of the edges, it was pretty easy to really feminize my face.” She stood in front of him, showing her a picture on her phone. “That was from like, last October.”

It was a nice selfie, and she looked quite similar. In the image, Stevie’s hair was shorter, but still closer to her shoulders.

But Billy thinks there was a huge difference between the Stevie in the picture, and the Stevie right in front of him.

Her cheeks were fuller now, her eyes brighter. Her hair was long, bu it was also way thicker.

She just looked so much fucking happier.

“You look a lot happier, now.”

“I am. A lot happier.” She was quiet, swiping through a few more old photos.

“I’m happy for you.” Billy reached out for her, touching her waist softly. “Would you, would you want to go on a date sometime?”

She took a step back.

“Look, you can say no, and I’ll still happily be your friend, I just, I like you a lot, Stevie.

“I um, I don’t know.” She sat heavily on her bed. “Last year, I was dating this girl. We had been together for like, a few months, and I really, I really loved her. So I came out to her, and she, she called me a freak, and disgusting, and stuff.” She was hugging herself, looking the floor.

“Is that one of the things that made you snap?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry. We don’t have to date, that’s okay, Stevie. Focus on yourself. I’m still your friend.”

“I think, I think I do want to date you. You’ve been nothing but kind to me, and I mean, you already know all my baggage. And I’ve known you for like, ten hours.”

“Don’t pressure yourself into something if you’re not ready to date.”

“It’s been almost a year, Billy. And I’ve spent a lot of time in therapy in that year.” She looked up at him, her eyes bright. “Yeah, I wanna go on a date with you.”

And then she did the cutest little wiggle, moving her hips like she couldn’t contain her excitement.

“Friday night? Pick you up at eight?”

“Better make it seven. Things close early around here.”

“You honestly might be the only good thing about this fucking town.”

[marvinswriting]

stupid social experiment

Disclaimer: there is no logic and this would not happen in real life but its a shrink fic and those are never quite logical are they..... anyway be ready for frustrating levels of inaccuracy, I'm sorry Tw: it's a long fic, a lot happens, there's a bunch. D slur, shots, falling, fainting, extreme fear, the usual

minimal to no mean girls knowledge needed for this fic

This was bound to be stupid as fuck.

Northshore doesn't get picked for anything good.

So this "social experiment" was going to be boring. 

Calling it now.

We don't even know what it's about. Parents know. They signed a bunch of forms.

We don't know who is running it, what they're trying to study, any of it.

If it's just a Here's What You Do episode I'm dropping out of high school.

"Janis!" An arm wraps around my shoulder and I turn to see Damian. 

"Hey," I show him the slip of paper I was handed. "I've been randomly selected for the experiment. Why are they calling it an experiment? What is it?! What are they going to do to me?" I flop against Damian dramatically and he laughs.

"Jan, your mom signed off on whatever it's about. I'm sure you're fine."

"Well, I hope so. Because they want me in the library right now."

Damian tsks. "I'll either see you at lunch or the next period if it takes too long."

I nod. "Right."

Damian squeezes my shoulder before breaking away, heading to the lunchroom. "Love you!"

"Love you too." I mumble, making way to the library.

There's a teacher outside, keeping watch, and all windows to the libraries are covered.

A pit forms in my stomach.

Whats this experiment about that requires so much secrecy.

"Hello, Janis." The teacher nods. She's a short English teacher I had last year. 

Hated her, she never let Damian and I sit together.

"The library is closed today, I'm sorry."

"I'm here for the-" My voice falters as I lift the paper. "Thing."

She nods, opening the door.

The library is filled with students and people I've never seen before. There's a cloth creating a barrier from the entrance to the library and the back, with students and workers walking in and out.

"Hey, love!" There is a lady at the main desk who I've never seen before. Definitely not a librarian. "Can I get you checked in?"

"Yeah, Uh- what's this all about?"

"Surprise." The lady says with a wink. "Name?"

"Janis, Sarkisian. S-A-R-K-I-S-I-A-N."

"Alrighty, Janis. Height and grade?"

Height and grade?!

Why hight?

"I- uh, senior. And 5'10?"

"Lovely. You can go right back and sit in one of those chairs while you wait."

I frown but walk over to the clump of chairs anyway.

Aaron Samuels sat in one of the chairs to the far right. He gave me a slight nod before looking away.

Whatever.

Better than how most people treated space dyke.

The curtain behind me pulled back revealing Regina Geroge walking through.

 I instantly looked to the ground, avoiding all eye contact.

Revenge party was last year. Yeah, we both apologized, but that didn't make us friends.

Nowhere near, actually. 

"Coco, Sarkisian, and Samuels?" A professional doctor person pulled back the curtain, calling names off a clipboard. A couple of us got up, walking back.

My heart was pounding out of anxiety and curiosity.

I hated being on camera. Were they gonna interview me?

"Please sit down for your shots?"

"Our what?" Aaron asked.

"You mean a photo, right?" Somebody called from behind me.

"No, like the quick pinch with a needle. You may each take a seat."

I froze.

No.

Nope.

Nu-uh.

"I don't do- needles." I say, stepping backward.

The doctor sighed. "A fear of needles is normal, I'll make it quick."

Why do we need shots for a social experiment?

"You can find somebody else." I say, shaking my head. "I'm not kidding. I kicked a nurse once."

The doctor just chuckled, guiding me to a chair. "Relax, deep breaths, it won't be too bad."

I wanted to scream and cry, thrash around because what the fuck has my mom signed me up for- but I can't do that in the fucking high school library.

Instead, I let the "doctor" clean my arm, scrunching my eyes tight and cringing.

I flinch when I feel a pinch in my arm, followed by a quick tap with a bandaid.

"All done. See? Not so bad."

Debatable.

"What was that?" I ask, getting up.

The doctor smiled. "All part of the social experiment."

Don't I have the right to fucking know what's just been injected into me?

Did I just get a heroin addiction?

Shane Madej’s fears seem a lot more relevant now.

The doctor hands me a lollipop. "Only for the best patients."

I frown, but take it anyway.

One weird social experiment.

-

"A shot?" 

"A shot."

Janis had just joined Damian and I at the lunch table, telling us about the social experiment.

"They gave me a butterscotch lollipop. I don't even like butterscotch!" Janis whined. "Want it, Cady?"

I shake my head. "I'm good."

"Damian?"

The boy takes the lollipop without hesitation. "But you hate shots."

"I do. I'm surprised I didn't puke."

"No kicking the nurse?"

"No."

"This is good!" Damian grinned. "A big step."

"There's gotta be a law about injecting people with random needles and not telling them." I say.

Janis just shook her head. "You would think so."

-

"Regina!" Gretchen ran up to me. "Any updates about that shot you got?"

I shrug. "No Gretch. And it's been a week. I doubt anything is going to happen."

I've been going into the library every day to get my vitals rechecked. 

No changes.

Some social experiment.

Gretchen nodded. "Well then if you're up for it, maybe we could throw a party this weekend?"

I shrugged. "Let's ask Karen about it at lunch."

Gretchen nodded, typing away in her phone. "Let's go to the cafeteria."

I nod, turning on my heels and stepping away from the locker. 

My limbs feel funny, like tv static all over.

Not painful and nowhere near enough to be concerning, but- odd.

-

"Aaron, you need to pay attention." I scold. 

"Cady, my head hurts. Can we take a small break." Aaron shakes his head. "I don't know what's up with me." It's Aaron and I's lunch period and while Aaron is great, I would much rather spend it with Janis and Damian right now.

I sigh. "Sure. Let me know when you feel better." 

Aaron nods, taking a sip of his water. I look back down to my notes trying to prepare what to do next.

I can hear Aaron place his water bottle back down, letting out a pitiful moan.

"Aaron, if you really feel sick maybe it's best you go ho-" I look up but Aaron isn't there anymore. "Aaron?"

-

Damian and I walked through the halls idly. It was almost the end of our lunch period and we didn't really have anywhere to be. 

"Dame, my head is pounding." I groan. 

Everything felt off. It started small- a minor headache that formed last period, but now everything hurt. I felt nauseous, my head may explode, my limbs felt heavy, and my vision was swarming.

Damian took no pity in me. "This is what three all-nighters in a row does to you Jan. I love you and I wish I could help, you should have gone to bed last night when I told you too."

"Something tells me this isn't lack of sleep." I mumble, looking down. My vision had fully become a swarm of grey haze.

"You got sick because of a shity immune system because of lack of sleep."

He doesn't believe me. 

I mean, he shouldn't.

He's right, I have a history of bad habits getting me sick.

But,

"Damian that's not-" I take a shuddering breath and stop walking. My entire body feels numb and broken. "That's not it."

Was this death?

It ached to the point of sharp pain.

"C'mon Jan." I could faintly hear Damian keep walking over a harsh ringing in my ears.

"I- ah-"

My knees were buckling, everything burned. Why does it burn? 

I could vaguely feel my knees hit the cold tile before I felt nothing.

Not that it lasted long.

Or maybe it did.

I fucking passed out.

My vision was blurry as I peered down at the tile. The ring in my ear was fading but my body still had an overall ache. I didn't want to move. I didn't want to lift my head. 

I just wanted to lay back down.

But- 

The bell was gonna ring and seeing space dyke just lying on her stomach probably was just gonna get me teased.

I sit up, ignoring the way my stomach twists and look up-

-what the fuck?

What the fuck what the fuck what the fresh ever-loving godsend of a fuck?

Even through the blurry haze covering my vision, I could tell something was wrong.

The lockers in front of me were big.

Not big, fucking huge.

The other set of lockers I had pushed myself against were the same. The tiles underneath me weren't an exception. 

The entire hallway was hu-

No.

I've seen the movies.

I know where this goes.

I'm just really small.

Somehow- that realization didn't sit much better with me.

My stomach twists again as I look down.

Maybe I was still passed out?

Was this a weird hallucination?

Something deep down told me that wasn't the case.

"Janis?"

I freeze. 

My breath feels caught in my throat.

I know that voice.

It's loud and echoes through the halls, but I know that voice.

I don't raise my head, I don't think I can physically bring myself to move, to react, to respond. 

I'm frozen. Maybe it's fear, maybe its denial that this is actually happening.

From my peripheral vision, I can see sneakers a couple feet away.

Giant fucking sneakers.

Too close.

Too big.

I know who owns a pair like that.

I force myself to look up slowly, ignoring the dull thump in my head.

Damian stood a little further down the hall at his full height.

How I should be right now.

He looked down at me with wide eyes, probably having the same moment I'm having. 

Everything is so big.

Except for me.

Oh god.

My throat is dry and if feels like air isn't properly getting to my lungs as it should. 

Damian, my best friend, who was tall normally, now quite literally towered over me. 

Neither of us said anything.

Neither of us moved.

My brain was still trying to process the situation.

This had to be a weird fucking dream.

Right?

Damian was right, I need more sleep, so my body forced shut down and now I've got a nightmare.

Right?

My mind thinks back to the shot I got Monday. Five days later and nothing changed- until now.

Was this-

Was this part of the experiment?

"Hey, Jan?" Damian's voice is soft, but that doesn't make it quiet.

To me, at least.

"Are you okay?"

I don't respond. I can't bring myself to. I'm frozen.

I'm tiny.

I've been shrunken and now I'm in the middle of a giant ass high school hallway, unmoving.

What the fuck?

What the fuck.

"The bell is gonna ring. You can't just sit there." Damian talks again.

I give a small nod, not really paying attention.

How could I? 

I was four inches tall- at most.

The world that was normally just scary was now big and scary.

I look back down to the floor underneath me. I can't look up, I don't want to look up.

This was just a weird fucking dream.

It had to be.

"Jan-" Damian's voice is full of worry.

My total silence probably isn't helping.

There's movement out of the corner of my eye as Damian steps forward.

"No!" 

My head snaps up as I push myself back.

Damian freezes, visibly surprised by the sudden outbursts.

"Please. Just- not yet. I-" I look at my hand that pressed onto the ground. It's so small compared to the pattern in the tile. 

I'm so small.

I bite my lip, trying not to cry. It'd be stupid to cry. Crying won't fucking fix this.

"I'm sorry." I whisper. I know Damian can't hear it. I don't look back at him. 

I don't want to see the hurt and worry on his face.

Stupid fucking social experiment.

Damian knelt down but it didn't help. 

Everything was so big. 

What the fuck. 

"Jan?" His voice was softer this time. "You okay?" 

I gazed up at him, he looked as scared as I felt. But- so tall. 

"I'm-" My voice trails off. What do you say in this circumstance? 

The hell if I were to know. Damian frowns. 

"The bell is gonna ring, Janis. We gotta get you somewhere."

I push myself further against the wall. 

I knew what he was implying.

I'd have to move.

He'd have to pick me up.

This was Damian. He wouldn't hurt me. 

But I'm so small. 

What if something happened? 

What if I fell? 

"Janis," I can hear the stress in Damian's voice. "I'm not gonna touch you unless you say okay. But- we're running out of time here."

I rub my hands up and down my fishnets nervously. "O-okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah." I push myself off the locker, taking a deep breath.

It's just Damian, it's just Damian, it's just Damian.

Damian leans forward slowly, like he was scared to set me off again. 

Everything about seeing a giant hand reach for me set off so many alarm bells in my head but I tried not to let it show.

It's just Damian, it's just Damian, it's just Damian.

I force myself to look away as his hand gently scoops me up from behind.

Woah.

That's-

-different.

Damian sits back on his heels, bringing his other hand to cup underneath me. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I- thanks." 

I've held Damian's hand before, quite often actually. But I've never been held in Damian's hand before.

It was weird.

Like, when he moved, my body felt a little delayed. I was hyper-aware of the slightest shifts. 

"I'm gonna get up now." Damian warns me. 

He shifts me gently into one hand and holds it closer to his chest as he sits up.

I grab onto his fingers at the sudden change in altitude. It was only a couple feet but it left me a little nauseated. 

Damian freezes. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good. Sorry just-"

"Don't apologize." Damian says softly.

I know he's scared, maybe even as terrified as me. But I'm not sure how to comfort him. 

I fit in his hand. 

I can hardly do much.

"I'm gonna find an empty classroom, okay?"

"Alright." I don't let go of his finger as he begins walking, pulling me closer. 

-

"Regina, please calm down"

"Calm down?! Gretchen did you just tell me to calm down?! I am the size of a Crayola Crayon and your gonna tell me to calm the fuck down?!"

Gretchen blinked at me, her mouth agape.

I groaned, placing my head in my hands. One minute I'm sitting at my lunch table complaining of a headache, the next I'm passed out on the lunch table.

"You're kinda cute at this size. Like a doll." Karen smiled. 

"Well, I'm not supposed to be a doll, Karen!"

I didn't seem to be the only person in the cafeteria having this issue. The entire room was just general panic all around.

"Regina, I know your upset but please don't stand so close to the edge of the table-" 

I look back to Gretchen just in time to see a hand reach for me.

"Stop!" I hold my hands out defensively, taking like seven steps backward. 

Gretchen's hand falls back into her lap and she stares at me wide-eyed. "Regina I'm sorry, I just-"

"I don't need your help." I say through gritted teeth. 

I feel pathetic for getting freaked over a hand. Gretchen's hand no less.

There were tears in my eyes and my heart was pounding. 

This is embarrassing.

"Are you crying?"

"No, Karen. I'm not."

"Gretchen, I think she's crying."

I can't help but laugh at the blonde in front of me. It's a short, bitter laugh, but it's a laugh.

Karen seems to take this as a win as she hums contently, turning back to her phone.

Gretchen is staring at the hand in her lap and I feel a wave of guilt wash over me. 

It's not her fault I freaked out.

I look down at my body.

Tiny.

There's no way I'm traveling around on my own.

I'm gonna need Gretchen and Karen. 

I can't keep yelling at them.

I wipe the tears away from my eyes, stepping forward. 

"Hey, Gretch?"

"Yeah?" She doesn't look away from her hand. 

"I'm sorry for uh- lashing out. It wasn't your fault."

Gretchen looks up at me like she's never heard an apology before. Probably not from me at least.

Maybe it's selfish to only apologize when it benefits me. It probably is. But-

I've got bigger worries than my moral compass right now.

There's a crackling of the intercom, a lot louder than I ever remember it being. 

"The whole school to the gymnasium, asap."

"Do you think that has to do with whatever just- happened?" Gretchen motions vaguely to my small form.

"The hell if I know. Just pick me up and let's go."

Gretchen hesitates. "Are you sure? I don't want to hurt you or anything I-"

"Gretchen. I can't walk there myself."

"Right."

-

I pushed carefully through the crowds of students in the hall, extremely mindful of Aaron in my hands. 

It seems we weren't the only ones with this issue as I passed all my classmates, a couple of them also holding tiny peers.

There's a group of football jocks all traveling in a pack. "Glen Coco coming through." They yelled. 

I caught a glimpse into the center of their group and sure enough, Glen Coco sat in one of his bigger friend's hands.

"Cady!"

I turn around to see Damian coming over. "Thank god you're okay."

I nod. "Yeah, where's Janis?"

"Hey." 

I blink in disbelief at the small girl cupped in Damian's hands. She looked like she was gripping onto his pointer finger like her life depended on it.

How many students were affected?!

I frown. "I'm so sorry, Janis."

"Yeah, me too." She sighs. "Is that Aaron?!"

"Yeah." He calls from my hands. I lift him up more with a smile.

"Studying gone wrong."

Damian just shakes his head. "We were in the hallways."

We continue walking into the gymnasium. The bleachers are already pulled out and there is a man in a white coat standing at a podium. I can feel Aaron tense up in my hands as Damian and I take seats near the relative front. 

"You recognize him?" I ask. 

Aaron says something, but I can't hear him over the crowd around us.

"Hold on, Aaron." I shift my hands, bringing him up to my shoulder. "I can bearly hear you."

"Oh," He climbs on, gripping the shirt underneath him. I'm careful to remain deathly still as he sits.

That was one of the doctors who were giving shots."

I nod. "So this whole thing is related to the shrinking."

I look over to Janis, who Damian held protectively close to him. The poor girl seemed terrified and to be honest, I would be too.

The gymnasium was crowded and unnerving at my size. I can't imagine how she and Aaron feel.

I wish I could help more but everyone seemed equally at a loss of the situation.

"Janis?"

She was staring out at nothing, totally out of it.

"Hey, Jan, Cady's talking to you." Damian nudged her gently.

She blinked, shaking her head before turning to me. "You okay?" I ask.

"It's really loud," Janis says. I can tell shes yelling just to get her voice to travel so I nod instead of keeping the conversation going. 

The man-who-shot-my-friends-doctor-person stepped up to the podium, raising his hands to call for silence.

When the school had settled down, he began. I didn't pay much attention. He basically gave us his name and a vague description of his job. "Studying how society reacts to changes and new environments". He said he was excited to work with us, he had never taken his studies to a highschool. 

Basically, shrinking half the school was a change. A big one if you asked me. And they wanted to see how a much of immature teenagers react.

Don't scientists have better things to be doing?

Like curing cancer?

I felt hyper-aware of Aaron balancing carefully on my shoulder as the scientist talked. 

"It is odd that the results took a week to show." 

Aaron scoffed. He was so close to my ear that I could hear him clearly. 

"With that being said, it will be a couple of days before we've got a reverse and there's no saying how long it will be for it to kick in." 

"How long are you thinking?" A student from beside me said. 

"A week. At least." 

"A least?!" I behind me to see a small Regina rushed to the edge of Gretchen's hand, ignoring the yell Gretchen gave, curling her fingers up. "I'm gonna be like this for a fucking week?" 

I looked at Damian next to me. Janis sunk low into his hands, tears in her eyes. My heart broke slightly.

I wish I could pull her into a hug and help like she has done so many times for me.

The most scient continued. "You are all expected to continue attending class as usual. We will keep the selected student updated and-"

"Wait! How are they expected to get to class?"

"Yeah!"

"This sounds dangerous."

I nodded along to the last one. It did.

The scientist sighed. "That is for you to figure out. Now-"

-

"This is stupid. So fucking stupid." I frown. 

Damian looked down at me. "Yeah."

He was walking to his car with Cady (and Aaron and me). Damian normally drove Cady and I home but now I really needed the help.

"I'm a high school student! I should be worrying about my next chemistry exam. Not the fact that I'm three and a half inches tall."

Aaron made a noise of agreement from where he clung to Cady's shoulder.

Bold moves, dude.

I'll stay here.

Damian shifted me into one hand as he opened his car door.

"How are we gonna do this?" He mumbled, sitting down.

We were all silent for a bit.

"I could hold both of them?" Cady offered as she shifted Aaron into her hands.

"Jan, you okay with that?" Damian asked.

I trusted Cady. I really did. In the short amount of time I got to know her, she was quick to become an important person in my life.

But I barely felt comfortable with Damian right now. And it's Damian.

Still, despite all my inner turmoil, I nodded. "Yeah."

Damian gives me a look and I know he can see right through my semi brave face. But he doesn't push.

"Alright." He leans over, carefully depositing me next to Aaron and starting the car. "Aaron, are you going with Cady?"

"Yeah."

To have somebody my (new) size sitting next to me felt oddly confronting. 

Cady's hands weren't as warm as Damian's, but I knew that before. 

It was weird, to sit in a hand I used to be able to hold.

When I closed my eyes and sat shoulder to shoulder with Aaron, I could almost feel like this was normal.

-

"So, should I cancel the party this weekend?" Gretchen asked.

Karen frowned. "Not the party!"

"No, Gretchen. I may be tiny but my house fucking isn't."

"Regina, that sounds dangerous."

I scoff. "And?"

"What if you get hurt? What if any tiny gets hurt?"

"What's your point, Gretchen? If you've already decided you're gonna cancel my party, then why bother asking me?"

I don't miss the way Gretchen flinches back.

Part of me felt bad. The other part felt smug. Like even at my size, I can still call shots. I'm still in charge.

"I was just looking out for you." Gretchen says sadly.

Well, the smug feeling didn't last long.

I take a deep breath. "Then let's just reschedule for next week. I should be back by then, right?"

Gretchen gives a soft smile. "Right."

-

My house wasn't big. Just me and my mom, sometimes Damian. 

But holy fuck was it big right now.

Damian shut the front door behind him, bringing both hands underneath me.

"Ms. Sarkisian? Are you home?"

Obviously, Damian was with me. We were always together before and well- we had to be now.

At least for me.

"Is that Damian?" A familiar voice calls from the kitchen. "Janis isn't here hon, I'm sorry." 

Damian laughs nervously, holding me closer to his chest. "Actually-"

My mom emerged from the kitchen with a smile. "I thought she was coming home with you-"

Her eyes fall to Damian's hands and I wave awkwardly. 

"Oh." 

I hate having everyone's eyes on me, I hate having everyone touching me and holding me, I just hate being small in general.

I was slowly getting used to Damian holding me, and Cady wasn't that bad- 

but I wasn't ready for more.

So when my mom steps forward, I lean back into Damian's hand, hoping she'll get the hint.

She doesn't, but Damian does. He tips his hand up a bit so I fall with my back to his chest, his fingers curled over me. 

When my mom catches on, she steps back again, giving us space. "It actually worked." Her voice is filled with humor and disbelief.

"Huh?" Of course, my mom knew what she was signing me up for. But- part of me had hoped she just missed the fine print or something.

"I didn't think it would work. Especially as it got closer to the end of the week."

"Mom- you knew?"

"Well, yeah."

I push myself further against Damian. "You would do this, to your own daughter."

"It's for science! You know, I wanted to be a scientist once when I was little."

"Then you become three inches tall for science!" I don't bother to hide the anger in my voice.

I feel-

I don't know how I feel.

I don't know what to feel.

Scared? Mad? Betrayed? Shocked?

I'm terrified. And it's my mom's fault.

My mom steps backward at my sudden outburst. "Janis-"

"No." I cut her off bitterly. "We can talk later. I just- I need time. To calm down."

She nods sadly.

The worst part of it all?

My own mother can't seem to grasp why this is wrong.

She turns on her heels, going back to whatever she was doing before.

"Damian?" I ask, sinking down.

"Yeah?"

"Your house?"

"Of course."

-

"Regina, are you feeling okay?" Gretchen asked.

I turn, looking up at her. It felt weird to have to look up all the time now. We were in the Smith household because I wasn't ready to go home yet. I didn't want to face the reality of all this. 

The fact that my own parents signed off.

"Yeah, why?"

Gretchen shrugged. "You've been acting odd. Like- I know the shrinking and you've got a lot on your mind but-" Gretchen rambles trying to validate calling my actions 'odd'. "The point is- I was wondering if you were all good."

"What do you mean when you say odd?" I ask.

Gretchen's face flushed. "Not in a bad way or anything! Just- I don't wanna say nicer because that implies you were nice before but like- less snappy? Like not that that's a bad thing or-"

My jaw slacks a little, but I refuse to let my shock show. 

Was I such a bitch that not yelling for half a day was noticeable?

I haven't yelled in literally six hours but that was enough for Gretchen to pick up on and check on me?

I silently begin to reevaluate my attitude towards my friends as Gretchen continues to ramble about how it wasn't a bad thing and she wasn't trying to offend me.

-

I spent most of my Friday with Aaron. But Saturday nights were for me, Damian, Janis, and whatever movie we felt fit the mood.

And no shrinking was gonna change that. 

So here I say in the Hubbard basement. Damian sat to my right, holding Janis close to his chest as some mindless film played.

I was trying to pay attention to the movie. Like if I concentrated on the bad plot, I wouldn't be worrying about the small girl who literally fit into Damian's hands. The girl who was supposed to be taller than me. The bravest girl I knew, who looked so small and vulnerable that it physically hurt.

No wonder Damian was so worried about her.

I just wanted to help her- but there was nothing I could do. There was no way to help.

So I turn my attention to the movie instead.

"Cady," Damian whispered from next to me.

"Yeah?" I respond, not taking my eyes off the screen.

"Okay first off, lower your voice," Damian whispered his voice laced with rising panic. "Second, look."

I turn to see what's getting Damian so worked up.

Janis had pressed herself against Damian's chest, her eyes closed and her small form peaceful. 

The tense shoulders and fearful eyes she had since the shrink was gone. She looked calm and relaxed, I couldn't help but smile.

"Shes's asleep." I said softly, now understanding why Damian wanted me so quiet.

"What do I do?!" Damian hissed.

I hold back a laugh. "What do you mean? You've fallen asleep on each other plenty of times before. You know what to do."

"But - she's so small." Damian whispered, pressing his hands closer around the girl. 

"And?"

"What if she gets hurt or something?"

"Damian, we're just watching a movie." I point out. "She'll be okay."

"Right."

-

The weekend flew by pretty fast.

Karen and Gretchen stayed over the whole time and they were likely the only reason I haven't died yet. 

The school day- now that's a different story.

It was only lunchtime on Monday and I was ready to give it all up and take a nap.

"Regina, you okay?" Gretchen asked. 

"Yeah, just- tired."

I was trying to snap less but I also didn't have the energy in me to snap. 

"You might be better if you ate something," Gretchen said.

"Like what?"

"A french fry." Karen said, showing her tray forward a bit.

-

"Janis. That is a full Dorito."

"Okay, and?"

"There are smaller, broken pieces in the bag."

"I'm aware."

I watch with a smile as my friends maneuver around this new normal. Specifically, lunch, during this new normal. 

"Cady, tell Damian I can eat an entire Dorito if I want to eat an entire Dorito."

I lean back. "Don't drag me into this. You can try and eat an entire Dorito. Doesn't mean you'll be successful."

Janis scoffs. "Nobody has faith in me."

"It's a full Dorito, Janis." Aaron grins from next to her. "Even if you could eat it, do you think this period is enough time? It's gonna go stale before you can finish it."

"Dude, how long does it take you to eat a Dorito? I have forty-five minutes." Janis shoots back.

I watched with amusement as Janis held the chip, trying to examine the best way to go about her snack. 

Damian just shook his head and went back to eating. "You're crazy Janis Sarkisian."

"And you're jealous you can't eat a giant Dorito, Damian Hubbard."

-

It was Tuesday. 

The scientist had been keeping Northshore updated and we should be back to normal by Friday.

Friday was so far away. 

I was just lucky Damian had so many classes with me. 

It never got any less weird, sitting on his desk instead of next to his desk. 

But- it could be worse.

I hadn't talked to my mom yet.

I know I'm gonna break down in tears when I do.

It can wait till Friday when I'm back to normal.

I mean-

-she didn't bother to reach out.

So I won't either. 

Damian and I were in study hall in the very back of the library. 

It had reopened once all the equipment was pulled out.

It will probably reclose for Friday.

But its only fucking Tuesday.

I look up at Damian, whos working on stuff for other classes- y'know, like most students do in study hall. 

Damian had been so understanding of my initial freakout. And even now- when I still freak the fuck out.

Did it get annoying having to carry me everywhere?

I already thought I was pretty annoying.

Space Dyke, Northshore's lesbian with enough trama for four. 

I bet being so dependent suddenly wouldn't help my case.

But what could I do?

I couldn't just walk away and give him a break.

I mean-

I could stay home.

But then I'd have to face mom.

Alone.

But Damian deserved the break.

I dunno.

I don't want him to hate me after this week.

There's movement in front of me as I look up to see Cady sit down.

"Hey, guys!" She smiles.

"Hi!" I grin, shoving all my worries down. A talk with Cady was the perfect way to get my mind off things. "Where's Aaron?" I ask when I notice he isn't on her shoulder.

 "Aaron is with some soccer buddies. I love him- I really do, but I just needed a break."

Oh.

I look back to Damian, who just smiled before turning back to his work.

My heart sank. 

I mean- he didn't verbally agree but- I'm right here, why would he?

If Cady feels that way- Damian probably does too.

I look down at my lap in a vain attempt to hide the tears that burned at the corner of my eyes.

I don't want to lose Damian because I'm too fucking small to do anything myself.

I move closer to the edge of the table as Cady starts unpacking her books.

I don't want to take up too much room just because I can't sit on a chair like a normal person.

Cady and Damian talk quietly to each other but I only half listen. 

The library is pretty crowded for a study hall period and I'm 99% sure more of these kids weren't in study hall. 

A lot of students were taking advantage of this week to skip saying their smaller friends needed their help.

And hey- I'm not gonna sit here and say that's not why Damian has skipped acting class to sit with me in art the past few days- because he has. Honestly, add it to the book about why he hates me.

Damian loves his acting class. 

There's a group of freshmen messing around a table over. I'm on the side of the table opposite from them, but I still eye them worriedly. All I need is for the right book to go flying and I'm done for. 

I can feel Damian looking at me before I even lookup.

"You okay, Jan?"

"Yeah. Just tired." I look at him and pray from this size he can't tell that my eyes are red.

Damian clearly doesn't buy it. He's silent for a bit as he studies me carefully before speaking. "I love you." He says with a smile.

My face flushes. To this day, the random reminders still catch me off guard. Damian always seems to know when I need to hear it. 

"I love you too." I smile.

Cady awes softly and I feel my face heat up more. 

"It's not aw."

"It really is." Cady grins.

Before I can make a comeback, one of the freshmen from the other table, stumbles backward into our desk. The platform I'm sitting on jolts and my hands shoot backwards to catch myself. Only-

There's no desk.

I gasp, as gravity drags me over the edge of the table.

The fall itself was a lot quicker then I expected. My brain hadn't even properly caught up to what had just happened until-

I land on my side, my face grazing against the rough carpeted library floor. 

Pain shoots through my arm and my cheek feels hot.

I let out a staggered gasp, screwing my eyes shut.

Everything managed to be burning hot yet ice-cold at the same time. My entire side was enveloped in pain.

It hurt so bad.

My lungs wouldn't work.

I've had the wind knocked out of me before.

But this was so much worse.

I fell off a desk. A two and a half foot drop should not cause me this much pain.

But I'm small.

And fragile.

And probably annoying.

A hand gently scoops me up as I curl in on myself more.

I already have a pretty good idea of who it is but I don't want to open my eyes and deal with the reality of the situation.

I'm tiny.

I fell off a desk.

And now I'm in extreme pain.

So much for not worrying Damian, huh.

"Jan?" 

I don't respond.

My face stings. Rug Burn but make it the entire side of your face.

I couldn't tell if it was bleeding or an open wound, but I could tell it was painful as fuck.

"Janis?" Damian tries again. I can hear the fear in his voice, the panic he's trying not to let show.

Because of me.

I roll onto my back and open my eyes.

Damian has his hands resting on the desk and both him and Cady were peering down at me worriedly.

I could tell they were trying to make sure I was okay while still giving me my space but-

it was too much.

"I fell." I say softly.

"Yeah. You did." Cady agrees sadly. "Are you okay?"

"It hurts." I break away from their gazes. The utter heartbreak and the way Damian clearly took it personally was too much.

"I'm so sorry, Jan." 

"It's not your fault." I force myself into a sitting position, ignoring the way half my body aches or the way each breath I took felt shallow and empty. 

"You fell," Damian said softly, a dejected look on his face. "You got hurt. I watched you just fall. Oh my god-" Damian's hand slips out from underneath me, as I landed gently on the center of the table. "I need to go grab water. I'll be back." 

I watch silently as Damian gets up and walks away before I turn around to face Cady.

"Is he-"

"He'll be okay," She says softly, her eyes trailing Damian out of the room. "Are you okay?"

"Just shaken up, I guess," I say, my hand absentmindedly touching the side of my face.

"I think we all are." Cady frowns.

I look to the abandons work Damian was doing before this. "Why did Damian take it so personally?"

Cady signed. "This week with the 'social experiment' has been kinda hard on everyone. We're all a little stressed and- while Damian and I may not know what you're going through, we also have some new changes to adapt to. Like carrying around your best friend. That's a lot of pressure and trust, a literal life in your hands. He just wants to make sure you're okay. To see you fall and get hurt- well, that's just what he was trying to prevent. If it were Aaron that fell, I'd probably react the same. He'll be fine. Just give him time to get water and calm down."

I nod, looking at the table underneath me. Damian is upset, and it's my fault. 

Add that to the many reasons he will hate me after this week.

-

This week is dragging by for me, and I wasn't one of the people shrunk. I can only imagine how Aaron or Janis feel right now. Every morning the student affected by the experiment had to go into the nurse's office for vital checks which meant Damian and I spent most of our time before the official start of the school day waiting outside the nurse's office. 

A lot of students waited outside for their friends as well but Damian and I didn't interact with them.

Until today at least.

"Cady?"

I turn around to see Gretchen Weiners walking over.

"Hey!" I smile. "What's up?"

"My stress levels." Damian mumbles from behind me.

Gretchen grins. "I think everyone waiting in this hallway can relate. I assume Damian is here for Janis but what about you Cady? Do you both watch her or-"

"I'm waiting for Aaron actually."

Gretchen wiggles her eyebrows suggestively and I quickly raise my hands in defense.

"No- Aaron and I are just friends. Nothing more."

Gretchen deflates with a sigh. "Well, that's boring. Anybody else you're looking for? Maybe another tiny you hang out with a bunch?"

I feel my face flush as I wave my hand. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You, Cady Heron, are a terrible liar." Gretchen winks before turning away. "Bye you two!"

"She's right you know," Damian says once Gretchen is out of earshot. "You are a god awful liar."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore." I huff, pulling out my phone. "I'm here for Aaron. That's it."

-

The hallway was never a favorite of mine. I mean, when you're in eighth grade and can't walk two feet without homophobic slurs being thrown at you- 

-you learn to hate it.

But this week has turned my hatred for the hallway into a fear of the hallway. The crowds and loud voices that were nothing more than an annoyance before post as an actual threat now. The whole falling incident in the library yesterday just solidified my fears.

I could get hurt so easily at this size. 

In the beginning of the week, everyone was careful. The shrink still hadn't fully set in for most people, the fact that this was reality wasn't solidified in our heads. 

But people were more reckless now. It was Wednesday, the reality of the situation had set in. The hallways were back to their normal loud and crowded state. 

I pressed myself closer to Damian as he passed through a clump of students.

Unlike Aaron, who pretty quickly decided he preferred traveling by shoulder, I stayed in Damian's hands. Too many things could go wrong any other way. I stiffen every time I watch Aaron almost tip over when Cady isn't even walking.

No thanks.

All the locker slams and loud voices created a ringing in my ears and the big groups just made me cringe.

I hated crowds before.

And that's when I wasn't three and a half inches tall. 

"You okay, Janis?" Damian asked bringing his hands up more.

"Yeah, it's just- it's overwhelming." 

Damian nods. He doesn't understand but- he's trying.

I appreciate it. A lot. He's been so patient during my freakouts. He's so understanding when I hesitate to do the little things, like get picked up. He really is trying.

A locker slams a couple feet away and I instinctively flinch. All the noise is making my head hurt and I just want to go home.

Not home with Damian to the Hubbard's.

My home.

At my full height.

Where I can do things for myself.

Where I'm not in constant danger and a stressor to everyone who cares.

My eyes burn and I look down, rubbing my eyes in hope to stop the tears before they can even fall.

I'm not going to start crying in the middle of the school hallway.

"Janis?"

Of course, Damian caught on to my mood. Why wouldn't he? Why would I just give him a break where he won't constantly worrying about me? 

"I'm really fine. I swear. It's tits, dude. Just overwhelmed." 

Damian shoots a quick glance at me before looking up again- he is still walking through the halls after all. "I'm-" Damian hesitates. "I'm gonna try something, okay? Just tell me if it's any better or totally worse."

"Huh?"

Damian doesn't explain as he suddenly lifts his hand. I instantly stiffen as I'm hit with slight vertigo, things like this never get any less weird. 

What is he doing?! He's moving in the halls why is he- What if I fall or get hurt or-

My inner turmoil is broken as Damian tips his hand and I fall backwards-

-into a pocket?

I'm disoriented as I quickly pull myself up in confusion.

I was in the chest pocket of Damian's denim jacket. He looks down at me. 

"You okay?"

I pause, looking around. "Yeah. I'm good."

It was, new. As were a lot of things this week.

But new didn't mean bad. I don't know what I expected the inside of a pocket to be like, but, it was pretty roomy. And if I ducked fully in, the loud bangs of the hallway were muffled. 

I sunk down as Damian continued walking, satisfied that I was okay. Light streamed through the lip of the pocket, which shifted as Damian walked. Light also filtered gently through the denim fabric, so it wasn't very dark or unsettling. It was the opposite actually. I couldn't see everything going on around me, but it wasn't bad. I wasn't scared not to be aware of my surroundings. The overall presence of Damian was a welcoming comfort amongst the muted sounds of outside. 

And-

Holy shit.

I've fallen asleep laying with Damian before. I've had my head on his chest before, I know what his heartbeat sounds like.

But from here it's so loud and clear.  It's directly next to me and I can almost feel it in my body. 

I'm really small enough to fit in a fucking pocket, huh.

The sounds of the hallway outside fade and I pop my head up. We've reached our next class.

Damian sits at his desk and I allow myself to be scooped up carefully. 

"Were the hallways better now?"

I grin. "Dude- you have a loud fucking heartbeat."

-

"Hey, Gretchen?" I roll the pencil in front of me back and forth, unable to look up and meet Gretchen's eyes. 

"Yeah, Regina?"

I take a deep breath, looking up. "Was- am I a bad friend?"

Gretchen leans back in her chair, tilting her head. "What do you mean?"

I already want out of this conversation. Emotions are gross and I hate it here. But- Gretchen deserves this talk. She has done so much for me this week and she's always done so much for me. Even when I wasn't tiny, Gretchen was there if I ever needed her. No hesitation and at any hour. I took advantage of that for so long. 

"This week, when I stopped yelling and being bossy and- basically when I stopped being a bitch, you noticed. That means in the past I had had to have been such an asshole that I go one day without snapping and it's such a difference that you pick up on it. So like-" I shrug, looking back at the pencil in front of me. "Sorry, I guess. For being a big bitch."

I never thought I'd be pouring my feelings to my friend in study hall when I'm under four inches tall and sitting on a desk. 

But I also never thought I'd be under four inches tall in general.

"Regina," Gretchen pauses, at a loss. Clearly, she wasn't expecting an apology.

I don't know if that makes me feel any better about my past actions.

"This week helps me realize that I really took advantage of how much you care about me," I explain. "I don't know what I would do without you, Gretchen. Karen too. But- you were there the most this week. Even after all I've done is been a bitch. So, I'm sorry for being a bitch. And thank you for uh- caring."

Gretchen smiles. "Of course, Regina. You're my best friend. And you aren't always 'bitchy'," She does air quotes with a grin. "Thank you for apologizing though. It means a lot."

I smile sheepishly, turning my attention back to the pencil as I begin to roll it again. "Yeah well, an apology was overdue."

-

"Janis, why do I get the feeling this is a disaster waiting to happen?" Damian asks from where he sat behind me. The obvious amusement in his voice is not lost on me.

"Because, it probably is," I answer simply. 

It was Thursday and to say I was falling behind in art was an understatement. I needed to do something if I wanted a piece to enter into the next art show. Besides, the art was already sketched onto the canvas I just had to start applying paint.

How bad could this be?

I had has Damian layout paints onto a pallet for me as I grabbed the lightest brushes I could find. It was a thin tip which wasn't bad since I was going to be using small brushes for the background anyway. 

I've tried using a pencil at this size before. It's hard- but not impossible. It just feels like a full-body workout and the lines are sloppy. How hard could using a paintbrush be?

Very hard.

For starters, pencil tips are solid. I can rest the pencil on the surface I'm drawing on and use my body weight to move it.

I have to actually hold the paintbrush or else I'll damage the tip.

I hear Damian laugh behind me as I lean backwards a bit too far, trying to find balance with the weight of the paintbrush.

I land on my butt, the brush rolling off my lap and onto the table. 

"Great." I groan, flopping backward.

I can't even hold it long enough to dip it into the paint.

"It was a beautiful attempt." Damian teases. "Maybe next time."

"Shut up." I sit up again, turning to him. "Not all of us can stand full height and pick up a paintbrush easily-" My voice trails off as I get an idea.

"No," Damian leans back in this chair. "I don't know what you're thinking but I'll tell you right now the answer is no. I know that look on your face."

"Please?" I whine. "Damian, I haven't even told you my idea yet."

He huffs. "What is your idea?"

I pick up the paintbrush, stumbly as I hold it out to Damian. "I tell you where the color goes, you do the painting."

Damian shakes his head. "Janis you know I can't paint."

"Just listen to what I say and it will be fine!"

Damian takes the paintbrush from me but lowers it back to the table. "No way. I'm not gonna ruin your work."

"Damian, you wouldn't be ruining it. Please? I know you can do it. C'mon, I need to start the painting before it's too late!" I walk back over to my canvas. "I'd literally point where it goes and we'd be fine. Please? I can't do it myself." 

"You couldn't ask Cady or something? You're talking to the person with the least artistic talent in the world."

I roll my eyes. "You're being dramatic. C'mon, let's start with blue."

"It's your funeral." Damian sigh, picking up the paintbrush.

I grin, walking over to the canvas. "See that section? That whole area is that shade of the blue. And then we can mix the lighter shade for closer to the right."

"I agreed to put color on a canvas- I'm not mixing shades."

"Damian that's literally the easiest part."

"Are you lying or is it actually?"

"Well- for some people it can be."

"Janis."

"Relax! I believe in you. You're gonna do great."

-

"Regina, are you excited?" Karen asked.

"Yeah, I can't wait."

It was finally fucking Friday. By the end of today I'll be back to normal. 

It felt weird.

Like, I was so ready to get back to normal, but this week helped me learn some things about myself and my friendships.

It definitely a week I don't think I'll ever forget.

"Let's go." Gretchen smiles, scooping me up.

-

"Yknow," I laughed nervously. "Maybe staying small isn't such a bad idea- I mean, no needles that way, right?"

"Janis." Damian shook his head. 

Last week I had no warning before the shot. I didn't have time to panic. Yeah, I was scared, but I was mostly confused. Now, I was terrified. 

They were giving the shots and then sending the tinies to the cafeteria to wait for it to sink in. Apparently this time it would only take about ten minutes.

"Damian, did you see what they did to Aaron? The syringes are huge."

"Yes, but the needles aren't. The needles are tiny, it's gonna feel just like a normal shot. The syringes are so big so the doctors can see what they're doing. It's okay."

"What if they miss? What if they inject whatever the fuck into a major vein?! Is that how shots normally work?! I don't even know Damian! I don't want to bleed out and die!"

"You aren't going to bleed out and die." Damian shifts me into one hand. We're next in l- well, I'm next in line.

"Are you sure there's like- no other alternative?"

Damian shook his head. "Nope, Jan. Sorry."

I hug my arms tighter around myself. Damian had taken my jacket from be five minutes ago. This isn't his first time making sure I get my shots. He knew what to do. And typically, he knew how to help.

But nothing was bringing me comfort at this point. I couldn't concentrate on anything other than the giant fucking syringes. Can you blame me? So what the needle is the width of an average needle for my hight? The syringe is still as tall as me. And that's scary as fuck.

Add that on top of the fact that needles, in general, are scary as fuck and I'm not having a good time.

I feel like I may puke as Damian steps forward.

It's my turn.

Oh fuck.

Hell no.

I'd rather stay tiny and die than get a fucking shot.

"Damian-"

"I know, Jan. It's gonna be okay."

It's a different nurse then who gave me the shot last week. "It's okay to be nervous!" She already seems nicer than the other nurse. 

Not that it helps.

"I know it seems scary but it's just like a normal shot. Same ol' pinch."

I force a weak smile. 

Can Damian feel how bad I'm shaking?

I truly don't think this is worth it.

I could simply pass away.

That's a good alternative.

The nurse turns around to a table where her tools are stationed. "Do you want to be set down somewhere or-"

"No," My voice is strained and it's painfully obvious I'm terrified. "I can do it with Damian."

The nurse nods, walking over.

Now, 

I was terrified before.

But when I physically saw the needle?

Game over.

"W-wait-" I step backward ignoring the way Damain's other hand shoots up to make sure I don't fall.

The nurse pauses but doesn't lower the needle or step back. 

"Jan, it's gonna be easier if you get it over with." Damian reminds me gently.

"No- I know I just-" I step back again. "I can't- I-" I was dangerously close to the edge of Damian's hand. There was no more room for me back up. 

I couldn't take my eyes off the needle. The syringe has to be as tall as I was. It-

Fuck.

"Janis," Damian's voice is a familiar stern but soft. "You need to get the shot."

I can't bring myself to respond verbally as I shake my head.

I can't.

Nope.

No.

I-

There's movement out of the corner of my eye as fingers wrap around me, pinning my arms to my sides.

I gasp, snapped out of my thoughts. 

"Damian-"

"Please, Jan, you need to get the shot."

"Put me down!" 

It's a fist. That's what if fucking is.

It's not painful, Damian isn't being hard or anything. But I sure as hell can't move. My bicep is totally exposed and I can't move my arms or turn away or-

The nurse catches onto what Damian's doing and steps closer.

"Damian put me down! Please!"

He doesn't move as the nurse steps closer. A giant cloth is swiped against my arm, cleaning it and I freeze, turning away.

I can't get out of this.

I can't avoid it.

Just like last week, there's a pinching sensation on my arm and I stiffen.

There are tears at the corners of my eyes and I feel childish that it affecting me this much.

Why can't I be normal and just get a shot?

Damian's hand around me opens as the nurse steps away and I sit down in the center of his palm. "I'm sorry," He says holding me up to eye level. "But you know you needed that shot."

"No, I didn't." I cross my arms. 

"Janis." Damian shakes his head with a laugh.

He walked away from the stations and over to the cafe. Inside was just a bunch of tinies placed on tables and honestly, it was a comedic sight. 

"I wanna go over by Aaron," I say, pointing to one of the closer tables.

Damian nods, walking over. 

I slip off his hand as we reach the table and wave. "Bye. Love you. And uh- thanks for helping me with the shot."

Damian laughs. "Of course, Jan. I'll see you soon, okay? I love you."

"So, how did Ms. I hate shots, Janis Sarkisian, deal with the needle?" Aaron asked. 

I huff. "Don't wanna talk about it."

-

The hallway buzzed with nervous energy. I talked idly with Gretchen as we waited, but the undercurrent of excitement wasn't missed by anyone.

It was still technically school hours but all student who helped their smaller classmates this week was outside the cafeteria, waiting eagerly to see their friends at full height again.

I watched as Damian left the cafeteria and I waved him over.

"Janis, as always, was a nuisance at getting her shot."

"Hello to you too." I grin. "Really that bad?"

"It's always that bad. She kicked a nurse once! She's gotten better, I used to have to hold a thirteen-year-old Janis in my lap just for a flu shot, but I guess a syringe the size of you is pretty scary because all improvement went out the fucking window."

Gretchen nodded. "Middle school Regina and Janis had a lot in common. Most notable? Their fear of needles."

"Well, Aaron was fine." I grin.

"Wow, lucky you." Gretchen rolled her eyes. "But- that's over now and hopefully we won't ever have to deal with giant needles ever again."

"Don't jinx us." I laugh.

Damian grins. "Since its technically still the school day I gotta bolt and talk to a teacher really fast but I'm gonna do my best to get back before they're all out. Whenever that is."

"Alright," I wave him off. "Go hurry!"

-

My libs felt weird and my head hurt a bit but I could care less.

I was back.

Full height.

I high fived Aaron as we grinned. 

This entire week was a giant nightmare.

Pun intended.

But it was over.

I'm back.

"Hell yeah!"

We follow the crowd of classmates, all normal height again, out into the hallway.

There were students everywhere hugging and cheering. 

I looked around, unable to find Cady or Damian.

Aaron stepped past me, beelining to his soccer friends.

The dude spent equal time with Cady and his teammates so I'm sure I'll see him talking to Cady later.

There's a thump somewhere to my left and I turn to see all three plastics on the ground in a hug, Regina clearly having taken them down. 

I grin but move on, continuing my own search for my friends.

I know Damian said he needed to talk with a teacher and he may not still be back but-

Cady should be here somewhere.

Despite being back to normal height I can't see over the mass of students.

I step away from the door and start making my way through the crowd in hopes of better luck finding either of my friends.

My eye catches a familiar reddish head of hair through the sea of students.

I grin, pushing through the crowd.

Cady has her back to me as I stand next to her. She's on the phone and doesn't notice.

"No Damian, I don't see either of them. Yes you should hurry, are you kidding me?! Okay, okay, you're right. Bye."

"So, who are we looking for?"

Cady whirls around to face me. "Janis?!"

"Mhm?"

Cady grins, pulling me into a tight hug, pressing her face into my shoulder.

"Nice to see you too, Cads." I laugh, wrapping my arms around her. 

We pull apart and she grins up at me. "I forgot how tall you were."

"Yeah, me too."

As I suspected earlier, Aaron walks over and I step away, giving them space to talk.

I stand by the edge of the hallway, separating myself from the crowd.

I may not be small as fuck anymore but that doesn't make me hate big groups any less. 

"Janis!"

I smile, turning to the sound of my name, already knowing who it is. 

"You took your sweet time." I grin.

Damian doesn't respond he simply pulls me close, his arms wrapping around me.

For spending the whole week with Damian, I felt like I missed him. Or really just the hugs.

I missed the hugs.

I gladly return the hug, laughing as Damian just holds me tighter. 

"I'm glad you're okay." He says softly.

There was so much emotion in that one sentence as Damian squeezes softly.

I pull back a little bringing my hands up to his cheeks. "Hey."

"Hi." He whispers. There are tears in his eyes, matching the ones probably in my own.

"Thank you so much for everything you did this week, man. I love you."

"I love you, too."

I smile softly as Damian presses a kiss to my forehead before pulling away. 

"It feels weird standing here at this size." I confess, looking at the crowd of students in the halls.

"It's gonna take some getting used to after this week." Damian nods.

"Yeah." I agree, turning back to him. My eye catches his denim jacket. I step forward, hooking my pointer finger over the lip of his chest pocket. "Jesus Christ, that's a small fucking pocket."

"Yeah, Jan. It is."

"I was small!"

"Mhm."

"Give me your hand."

Damian complies, and I raise my hand next to his in comparison. I've always had small hands so I'm not surprised when his are bigger than mine. But still- 

I fit in his hand.

"Woah." 

Damian laughs. "Now do you see how I felt?"

"Yeah. That's tits."

"Mm, not the word I would use, but sure, Jan. It was tits."

"I wouldn't do it again tho."

"Thank god." Damian shakes his head. "Stupid social experiment."

"Stupid social experiment." I agree.

dw, janis lived her life at the hubbards and never saw her mother again. as she should. @realmisspolarbear @smallsoysauce @musicallygt @sourishlemons

[anotherwellkeptsecret]

Alrighty. Time to type up my surgery and recovery experience. 

When I got my pacemaker two years ago, I spent a year (almost exactly) drawing a comic called Change of Pace, which helped me kinda process what happened to me. You can read the comic here if you’re interested. It’s largely all true, aside from the love story part. Tsk.

I don’t think I’m going to be drawing out this experience. It was completely different. I’ve been expecting a surgery of this nature since I was nineteen, when I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease. So, in a way, this stint in the hospital was harder, more personal. The pacemaker was an emergency. The colon resection was some time coming. Not as much trauma, really. Not as much confusion about what was happening and why. But I still feel like telling the story, purging it from my mind. 

I was scheduled for surgery on Monday, the 18th of November. I took off work that Friday so I could have my pre-op bloodwork done and I also took off Sunday so I could start the colon prep. If you don’t know what a colon prep is, God bless you. You basically drink a crap ton (lol) of laxative and spend all night pooping until you poop clear. The easiest version is the Miralax version. If you have to have a colonoscopy, ask for the Miralax. I promise, you don’t want the Go-Lightly.

The day before prep, my friend took me climbing in Memphis to keep my mind off of things. We also went to IKEA. It was helpfully distracting. I had Swedish meatballs. 

I was meant to “technically” start the prep at midnight Saturday by not eating anything until surgery on Monday. Beginning to drink the Miralax sometime around noon on Sunday. I didn’t get that far. 

I got righteously sick Saturday night. My back was killing me and I was very nauseous and dizzy. I knew what was going on even before I started throwing up. I had a bowel obstruction. The second one in my life. I’d had one once before in March and jeeze. It hurt like a son of a bitch. I’m not sure if every bowel obstruction feels the same way, but mine certainly did. If you find yourself having these symptoms, please go to the ER. Bowel obstructions are no joke. You can go septic, which is incredibly dangerous. 

Nausea, feeling like you’re going to pass out, vomiting bile, severely upset stomach, cold sweats, and my back was aching something awful. I assume it was because my stomach was cramping so badly, my back muscles were spasming.  

I live with my mother. Have done since I’ve been getting sick so regularly. I woke her up and she took me to the hospital. 

The first time I had a bowel obstruction, I thought something was wrong with my heart. (The cold sweats, the nausea.) They rushed me to the back immediately. This time, I knew it was an obstruction, not my heart, and I said as much. They don’t tend to be in as much of a hurry when you don’t mention your heart. Didn’t realize that. I’m also not entirely sure they were convinced I did have a bowel obstruction. I’m sure plenty of people walk into an ER saying random stuff for random reasons, but yeah. I was very slowly processed. I remember them taking my blood pressure and because it wasn’t high at all, I imagine they thought I was full of shit. Figuratively, not literally. Because I was, literally. Whatever. 

My blood pressure normally runs very low. I can also take a lot of pain, because I’m on a first name basis with pain. They didn’t take my pain seriously because my blood pressure wasn’t high, I guess. Not my fault I’m a badass.

I sat in the waiting room until I started vomiting bile again. I also pooped all over myself in the processes. Which I didn’t think you could do if you were obstructed, but you live and you learn! 

That’s when they got in a hurry. I was making a huge mess. 

They got me a paper gown and I cleaned myself up as best as I could before the CAT scan, which proved I was, in fact, obstructed. 

So there I was, in the ER, very very early on the Sunday morning before my surgery Monday. I was admitted and my doctor contacted. Since the surgery was so close at hand, they agreed it was best to wait until the scheduled time to do the surgery. I’d stopped vomiting so there was no need for an NG tube this time. Those things suck.

Got admitted. Got a room. Tried to sleep. My surgeon came in and we talked. Got everything situated. At one point my mother told me there was a girl down the hall who’d just had a colon resection if I wanted to talk to her. She was sitting int he hallway with her sisters, eating her dinner. Poor thing had been in the hospital for almost a month. 

I spoke with her a bit. I’m not entirely sure what happened. Whether it was nerves or if I was hurting, but I almost passed out in the hallway. I hadn’t experienced anything of that nature since I had my pacemaker put in. The whole point of the pacemaker was to prevent me from passing out altogether. But I didn’t pass out so...I suppose that means it’s working?

I also pooped on myself that night while I slept. First time that’d ever happened. It was then I knew that I’d literally gone as long as I could before I needed surgery. I couldn’t wait any more. I’d been so stressed out over in the idea that I maybe didn’t need the surgery. That I was being pitiful and my case wasn’t that bad. I could tough it out if I really wanted. I realized what a dumbass I was for thinking those thoughts, but hindsight is 20/20. 

Monday dawned and surgery rolled around. Took forever. I was basically watching the clock tick the minutes by until transport fetched me. I was wheeled down to pre-op where they gave me a hair net. I don’t remember getting a hair net for the pacemaker surgery. 

I signed some paperwork and a lady told me she was going to get me ready. She said she was going to give me a nerve block in my stomach. I was like, “Cool, right on.” Until I saw the needle. 

Holy fuck. That needle. 

“You’re going to give me that when I’m asleep, right?”

“I’m going to give you some ‘I don’t care’ juice.” 

“Oh, thank God. I probably won’t remember this then.” 

“Probably not.” 

In went the ‘I don’t care’ juice. I got really dizzy. 

They swabbed my belly with iodine. 

They prepped the needle. 

I was still very much awake. 

I said, “Guys...” Because at this point there were several people standing over me. Like five. “...I’m still cognizant.” 

Yeah, I used the word cognizant. That’s how fucking cognizant I was. 

Not sure if they heard me. Or if they replied. I was really dizzy. 

In went the needle. 

And ow. OW. 

In went the needle again. One stick on each side of my belly. 

The ‘I don’t care’ juice must have been working in some way because while I remember the pain, I don’t remember the panic. I certainly would have panicked if I didn’t have that juice pumping through me. So that was a thing. 

I fell asleep soon thereafter. Couldn’t have been like...a minute earlier? Really? 

I remember waking up in recovery with the pacemaker. I remember the pressure, the nurse asking me questions. I remember being wheeled back to my room. I don’t remember jack shit about recovery after the colon resection. I don’t remember being wheeled back to my room. I apparently asked for my mom, but I don’t remember doing that either. 

I do remember, however, turning over on my side. Because ouch. But I did it anyway and kept doing it because I’m a determined asshole. Monday night was very hazy. I was high as fuck, probably. 

Tuesday: Not a good day. I was in a lot of pain. They gave me hydros, but the hydros weren’t touching it. Felt like I was taking Tylenol. And I have a very very VERY low tolerance for pain meds. They wouldn’t give me any morphine because my blood pressure was too low. (Again, badass?? Maybe?? IDK man my blood pressure just runs really low.) Which makes sense, because that’s dangerous, but I was in agony. I begged for morphine. I pleaded with the nurse to give me morphine. She would not. 

My mother got angry. I’m not one to complain. And my threshold for pain is admittedly pretty stout. I was hurting and no one was doing anything to help. My mother got ANGRY. 

I think they must’ve finally given me some morphine, but I don’t remember. Morphine also didn’t help. Didn’t even make a dent in the pain I was feeling. They kept giving me hydros every couple of hours to no avail. I remember I asked for a heating pad for my back. Barely. The nurse did give me one, but said I could only have it for an hour? Very fuzzy.

The tech forgot to...do something with my catheter because my urine got everywhere. The nurse that found me like that called the floor manager. I hated to, but I did report that my pain wasn’t kept in check. I was hurting so badly I actually reported one of the nurses. The one that wouldn’t give me morphine. I felt horrible about it, but I was also nearly in tears I hurt so bad. 

Hell, the pain was so intense at one point my mother called my family. Like, they thought something was wrong. Very very wrong. The doctor called for some kind of scan while I was in bed. They put a board behind my back. I was writhing, I remember. My family gathered in the hospital to see me in case I had to go back to surgery. In case I wasn’t going to do well. 

It was scary.

The next set of nurses figured out the problem when the scan revealed nothing out of the ordinary. My back was spasming. Horribly. When I sat up and they felt of me, they were shocked to find my back riddled with knots. It felt like knuckles underneath my skin. The new nurses got me some hella icy hot with pain killer and rubbed me down. 

It helped tremendously. My back stopped freaking out, which gave my abdominal muscles time to rest.

At last, I wasn’t hurting. At last, I slept. 

Wednesday and Thursday were spent trying to keep my back under control. At one point I vomited all over my bed due to acid reflux. I paged the nurse to ask for some acid reflux medicine and puked all over the place while I was on the call with her lol.

I never once had any issue with my incision. My entire trouble, the whole time, was from my back. And nausea. And lemme tell ya. Vomiting with a six inch incision on your abdomen? OW.

Getting up and walking? Easy enough. Getting up and going to the bathroom? No problem. Spongebath? Piece of cake. But God my back. 

I managed to poop for the doctors. Fantastic. 

And finally, finally, I got to have food. 

I went from about 5:00PM Saturday to 12:00PM Friday without having anything to eat or drink. I had an IV, and I could eat ice chips if I desperately needed to wet my mouth, but yeah. I hardly had any ice chips. Weird to imagine you can go that long without food and be alright. 

I proved I could eat GI soft food on Saturday and they let me go home.

Got my staples removed the following Tuesday. Had some steri strips applied. Just waiting for them to fall off on their own. 

And here I am. Just lounging, waiting to get my strength back. It’s much easier to draw after this surgery than the pacemaker one. Thank God. I’m slow moving and my stomach hurts a bit when my contents shift, but other than that I’m doing swimmingly. I can’t lift anything over ten pounds until the new year. Not sure when I’ll be able to drive, either. I’ll find out soon. 

This surgery was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Mentally and physically. Mentally because I’ve been struggling with Crohn’s since I was a teenager. I’m 32 now. Half my life I’ve been at war with my own body, drowning in the pain it leashes on itself. It’s been a long road. I hope this spells the end of it. Or at least, the rest of the journey is all downhill.

I’ve lost a lot of weight. I’m trying not to think about it too much. I’ll gain it back. Just takes time.