#im just so afraid of being a nuisance

[whumpshaped]

I'm probably super late & no pressure to respond but I want to share a scar story! (Maybe it can inspire writers who want to read a firsthand experience about some OUCHITY OUCH pain.)

I have a tiny straight line of a scar along the nail of my big toe. But the interesting bit is just, the painful part tbh. It's wild but might be squick. So again, no need to respond or read it all. Bail if it gets too squick. Nothing life threatening or gorey, just big ouchers.

(CW: I had a Matrixectomy/partial nail removal. But he forgot the local anesthetic.)

I was like 14 yrs old and had a really infected spot on my toe where my nail had become ingrown that kept getting infected again if I stubbed my toe etc. so my mom took me to a medical clinic & they performed a Matrixectomy. But without a local anesthetic.

So it's one nurse, one doctor guy and my mom. He just gets right to it after all of the tools are brought out and was pushing teeny mini scissors/cutters into the infected skin area that was really tender and painful by just barely walking on it, cutting a straight line on my nail to the base of the nail to remove the problem area. With No injection for numbing. I was like a 90lb stickboy of a beanpole but my mom had to help the nurse hold my legs down bc it was so hard to stay still and not roll around in pain. I tried not to cry too much and didn't scream bloody murder because I didn't want to inconvenience the doctor or freak my mom out but that shit HURT. Then he applied the acid with a q-tip or something that scars the area so the nail in that section doesn't grow back. That also hurt.

Once it was over I sat up and nearly passed out so they had to make me lay back down, & brought me a wet towel for my forehead. Once I was good to get up we walk out the door to pay or whatever, idr, I just know I almost passed out in the hall on the way to the counter, and then one more time in the parking lot before I got in the car to go home. The gauze was so tight my toe was throbbing, I was literally just writhing in pain on my mom's bed for 1 or 2 hrs till I loosened the wrapping and the pain finally went down enough that I could sleep it off with an Ibuprofen.

A couple weeks later the nail still curled into my skin and got infected again. 🫠 I nearly cried when I saw the pus it was gross and I didn't want to go through the procedure again, I was an anxious wreck over it. We go to another clinic, get told the first guy did it wrong/incorrectly somehow, then get directed to a podiatrist to fix it for real this time.

That podiatrist was the nicest doctor in the world. When the nurse brought out the tray with the tools right before they were going to start my eyeballs took one look at the instruments and just WEPT without my say-so. It didn't even feel like crying. It just felt like water coming out of my eyeballs without my consent. They were so understanding about it. 😭 I felt like I was being a big fat wuss, or a crybaby. But I was scared. "Sorry. I'm good. It just really hurt last time." And they'd heard the story so they knew so I was gonna trust them to NOT do that they reassured both my mom and I they'd make sure it didn't hurt.

Then he injected the local anesthesia to numb my toe and get to work. All I felt was him vaguely pushing my toe around for a better angle and a little bit of pressure and then bam. It was over and done. 0 pain whatsoever. It was fuckin INCREDIBLE. 20/10 experience.

IDK why that first guy kept going when the patient was clearly in so much pain or distressed he had to be held down. I was like 14. >:( But it makes for a good story to tell.

& that's my traumatic scar horror story of the smallest scar I have. :D

THATS INSANE. SOME DOCTORS ARE SO DUMB AND SHOULD NOT BE PRACTISING. also yeah i know abt this procedure bc .. i obsessively watch videos w it.. dont even. dont even say anything. i know. i know.

im soooo sorry u went thru that shit thats so bad. but im glad it got fixed later.

[astrolynnworld]

stress reliever

pairing: chris x reader

summary: the baby is taking a toll on the readers mental health so chris decides to be her stress reliever

warnings: smut! pregnant reader, mental health, sadness, stress, smut, language, dom chris, reassurance, praise, love, romance

a/n: love me a request

word count: 1,127

life sucks so much lately. everything is a nuisance

i feel like my decisions aren’t mine anymore, everything i do revolves around this baby.

and i can’t help but feel like that’s never gonna change.. because isn’t that what having a kid is like?

putting them first above you at all times because you want them to push for more than you ever could?

it’s all so stressful. i wouldn’t even know the first thing about being a mother, yet i have 4 months until i officially become one.

i can’t even do the things i used to enjoy anymore. all i do is eat, sleep, feel sick, and linger around the house

chris tries his best to keep me active and motivated but nothing has been working

i feel like he can tell that i’ve been so down lately

———————————————————————

“baby come on let’s go for a walk” chris begs

“i don’t want too. i want to stay in bed” i reply

“come on, you’ve been in bed all day. let’s go outside” he responds back

“chris it’s fine, the day is almost over. we don’t need to be outside doing absolutely nothing.” i snap then retract

chris climbs into bed with me

“baby what’s wrong.. honestly” he starts up

i sigh trying to hold back my tears, “i just feel like im not ready to be a mother”

“why would you ever think that baby?” he says softly

“how am i supposed to take care of our baby girl when i can barely take care of myself? i have NOTHING going for myself chris.” i start the sentence to my mini rant

“how will she ever look up to her failure of a mother? the mother with a shitty job, no car, and can’t even make anything of herself” i say starting to cry at this point

“i’m NOT ready to bring a child into my world. im going to be a TERRIBLE mother chris. don’t you see that?” i ask rhetorically while resting my face in my hands

chris grabs my chin, “y/n..”

“don’t chris.” i say

“look at me y/n”

i look up to a soft kind glare plastered on chris’ face

he starts wiping my tears away, “you’re the most beautiful, kindest, honest, loving, hard working woman i know”

“there is not a doubt in my mind that you’re going to be an amazing and incredible mother” he continues

“you’re not afraid speak your mind, you’re so independent, you don’t let any obstacle overcome who you are, and you’re always down for a good challenge”

i let out a soft smile

“i’d be LUCKY if our daughter was anything like you. i’d rather nothing more.”

“do you really mean that?” i ask

“you think our daughter should come out anything like me” he says while laughing

“no..” i chuckle back

“exactly. you don’t see what i see but of course you’re the perfect role model for our daughter, you’re an amazing person y/n. and i know you’re going to be an amazing mother.” he responds back in a smile

i calm down and give chris a hug

“im so grateful that i have you by my side doing this with me” i say as i hug him tighter

i pull away and give him a kiss

“i love you so much y/n” he says before giving me another kiss

then another one..

and another one…

“christopher.” i laugh

“come on” he smiles as he flips me on my back, “your lips are so soft” he dives back into another kiss

he starts kissing down my neck

“chris.. you don’t have to do this” i say as i put up a little resistance

“shh baby, just let me show you how amazing you are” he responds

i nod my head bring my neck up for another kiss on the lips. to which he fulfills

he keeps kissing me as he slides me out of my pants and underwear.

“fuck your pussy is so pretty baby.” he says while rubbing my clit

i let out a slight moan at the warm hand rubbing my juices in

“so wet for me baby” he says as he lifts his hand to taste my juices

“you make me so hard baby”

“chris please..” i whine

“please what baby” he responds

“please fuck me”

“dont need to ask me twice” he chuckles as he whips out his cock

he starts teasing the outside of my pussy with his head

causing me to arch my back into the sheets

“fuck you’re so hot baby. how bad do you want it”

“so bad, please please please put it in baby” i beg

he slides his cock in slowly and i whimper at the feeling of his member filling my hole

“fuck chris. i forget how big you are” i whisper in a whine

he bends his head to meet a kiss on my lips as he starts to slide in and out

“you’re so perfect for me baby, don’t ever forget that.” he says through grunts

“you’re mine. only mine” he continues

i continue to let the praise wash over me as he pounds inside me

“i want you to say it for me baby. say that you’re mine” he says while picking up the pace

“im yours chris” i whimper

“say that you’re my pretty little girl” he demands

“im your pretty little girl chris only yours” i continue to whine

“yes baby. say that you’re an good girl” he continues

“i’m such a good gir- fuck. i’m the best girl”

“yes keep saying it baby, i want to hear you louder” he groans

“i’m a good girl chris. i’m such a good girl. i’m only your good girl. i’m a good girl.” i continue as i feel my orgasm overtake my stomach

chris’ pace quickens as he feels my pussy clench around him

“ooh fuck chris. don’t stop.” i beg him as i ride my high out

“i’m gonna cum too baby” chris cries

“yes baby cum in me. fill me up” i moan out to him

he throws his head up and lets out a loud exhale from his mouth as he releases his all into me

“oh my go- fuck.” says chris

i start chuckling

“what’s so funny” he says as he starts looking down at me

“nothing. i just love you so much” i reply

“well i love you more baby. i hope you never have to question my love for you”

he pulls out of me and helps me up so we can wipe me down and put my clothes on

“i hope that took all your worries and stress away princess” he says as he gives me a quick kiss on the forehead

———————————————————————

a/n- i don’t know if i’m tagging right but @sturnioloenthusiast @littlebookworm803 <3

[calliesmemes]

IN-CHARACTER QUOTES FROM DISCORD

UNHINGED SENTENCE STARTERS FEATURING THINGS SAID BY MYSELF AND MY FRIENDS WHILE WRITING AS OUR MUSES IN A CRACK-BASED NONCANON GROUP CHAT. This post is dedicated to Em, Liz, Tanny, Nellie, Mel, Ange, and everyone else in the server who recognizes these quotes — you know who you are 😈

CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed.

SPECIFY muse for multimuses.

“   Have you forgotten that you should not steal someone’s property? ”

“   I could slap that smug look off his face right now! ”

“   Your ears are a lie. ”

“   Woah woah that's - that's a bad word. ”

“   I don’t know if it’s allowed and quite frankly I don’t care. Fuck the rules. ”

“   Time for gremlin activities! ”

“   I hate this man. Let's prank him. ”

“   We are all going on strike today I swear ”

“   Looks like I need to invest in a kid leash. ”

“   DONT BE COWARDS!! JOIN THE STRIKE!! ”

“   I support her saying what needs to be said! I am done with the silencing of women!!!! ”

“   I like the dramatics. ”

“   I did not ask for a second opinion. ”

“   You seem to be doing a great job at being a nuisance. ”

“   NO BITING MY EMPLOYEES! ”

“   do you want me to bring you cheese? ”

“   Next move, start chewing on the door frames ”

“   I like crumbs. They are like a little midnight snack in my bed at night. ”

“   if he wants to be a worm, LET HIM BE A WORM ”

“   the rest of you suck my toe ”

“   To be fair I am simply vibing. ”

“   I am going to commit a war crime! ”

“   I am manifesting being happy. ”

“   Am I gonna talk shit WITH you guys? because im down to talk shit about pretty much anyone ”

“   Who says? We shall revolt without question. ”

“   Let's just start burning stuff. ”

“   Did you just call me... small? ”

“   Can I convert you with my kazoo propaganda? ”

“   We were radicalised by The Little Mermaid. ”

“   Penny in the swear jar, now. ”

“   My last words are, bros before hoes. ”

“   The old men are trying to be trendy. ”

“   I can do whatever I want too! ”

“   Can we go one day without an interruption from an American? ”

“   I am so sorry. He enjoys conflict. ”

“   Why is he so tall? ”

“   For legal reasons, kids, that's a joke. ”

“   Would you like to fight the adults? ”

“   You're not meant to bite people, it's frowned upon. ”

“   He’s a fun killer, don't listen to him! ”

“   Ow! Stop kicking me! ”

“   I have quite literally begged you not to kick, hit, or bite today. ”

“   BUT I thought we were buds, pals, amigos, chums, friends. ”

“   Oh shiiiii someone’s in trouble ”

“   How much caffeine have you had in the last hour? ”

“   I'll be honest they wouldn't be so bad if they didn't speak. ”

“   Is this goof meant to be dead or what? ”

“   I am a witch. ”

“   This one reeks of self confidence when he clearly doesn't think before opening his mouth. ”

“  I call bullshit on that rule! ”

“   The point is I have a cane and I’m not afraid to use it. ”

“   If you slap me, I’ll cane you. ”

“   Yippee for women. ”

“   FUCK THE PATRIARCHY ”

“   Sorry for being British. ”

“   Oi who's playing that ominous music? ”

“   I'm strong because I eat carrots. Oh wait or is that to see in the dark.... it's for something. ”

“   I will say sorry when i'm caught, don't you worry. ”

“   AND YOU CALLED ME UP AGAIN JUST TO BREAK ME LIKE A PROMISE! ”

“   ... He's done for. Broken beyond repair. Someone play Taylor Swift. ”

“   Please refrain from punching one another. ”

“   He is becoming one with the spider I believe. ”

“   If anybody asks I will say I made you, then you will not get in trouble! ”

“   Can I be a girlboss too? I am not rude to women and I do what i like ”

“   Yippee for patriotism! ”

“   … i could make you guys rat costumes ”

“   Do you think if we started stealing bread we would lose our jobs? ”

“   why do British people ”

“   … you all need therapy. ”

“   Do you ever feel if you breathe the wrong way he will bite you? ”

“   I actively avoid whatever this is. ”

“   CARRY ME. ”

“   What if, and hear me out, they both promise not to do it again? ”

“   I wanna steal all his socks. ”

“   My socks were stolen! ”

“   Hey, watch it now. Only I'm allowed to insult me. ”

“   You couldn’t whisper to save your life. It’s pitiful. ”

“   Both of you are insufferable. ”

“   The law is overrated. ”

“   I’m afraid. Miss, you aren’t my type. ”

“   No. I swear on my life. I am being a gentleman ”

“   I support women’s wrongs. ”

“   ONE FOR ALL AND ALL FOR ONE!!! ”

“   GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE RIGHT NOW ”

“   He bites? Are you .. joking? Please say you're joking. ”

“   If you like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain ifyou're not into yoga if you have half a brain if you like makin' love at midnight in the dunes on the cape then I'm the love that you've looked for write to me and escape 🎶🎶 ”

[osamucide]

This was coming and I'm sorry about it but-

I need some brain rot on Akutagawa so I wanted to ask if you could do the nsfw alphabet for him as well, please? you can also do just a few letters if you can't manage the whole thing <3

nsfw alphabet - ryuunosuke akutagawa . . . .ᐟ

wc: 2.7k

cw: switch leaning dom!aku, rough aku, gn!reader, spanking, cum eating, creampie, clothed sex, edging, brat taming, dirty talk, nicknames (angel, doll, darling, ryuu), light bondage/choking/impact play, marking, toys, mention of face fucking, inappropriate use of rashomon lol

reid: my lovely niko im so sorry about the wait! i wanted to do the whole thing for u ehehehe i hope you enjoy

. . . .ᐟ

a = aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

soft sweetie

he’s not super intuitive when it comes to reading what you need, but he’ll ask

tell him, he’s on it

very apologetic if he was rough - he’s got his own little awkward way of being sweet and coming back down to earth with you

“you alright, angel? do you need anything? ‘m sorry if i got a little carried away. you were perfect for me, okay?”

b = body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

ASS MAN

adores your ass <3

loves the way his fingers sink into the plush of your asscheeks. loves the jiggle whether it's big or small. loves holding you by your ass even nonsexually. it's just so grabbable, so smackable

he likes his own hands - let him finger you from behind so he can spank and admire your ass while he makes you cum

c = cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

he thinks his cum is a nuisance

he’s nervous to cum in you, feels guilty cumming on you, kind of hates the feeling of cumming in his hand - it’s just something to clean up after, he’s indifferent to it.

your cum, however

he wants to drown in it.

your cum is the hottest thing ever to him. squirt on his stomach while he fucks you. make a mess on his fingers. cream on his tongue. he’ll lap it up like it’s nectar.

reassure him what you’re comfortable with when it comes to his - you insist you want him to cum on your face? well, okay, he’s gotta admit you look so pretty on your knees with your tongue lolled out and your lashes fluttering. anywhere else on you? are you sure? he doesn’t want you to feel gross. in you??? god, don’t even make him think about it - i think he’s partially afraid that he’ll find it so sexy and it’ll feel so good to fill you up that he’ll never want to stop. he can’t let you make him any weaker than you already have.

have a firm discussion about that shit and lock those legs around his waist in missionary. he’s a changed man after

d = dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

he's very conscious of his body and will probably prefer to have sex with clothes on a lot of the time

not that he doesn't want to see your body - he absolutely does - he just doesn't want to make you feel awkward by insisting you be fully naked while he keeps his shirt on

you might be able to draw this out of him, but don't count on it; he'll probably write it off as a kink thing

(worship his body until he loves it as much as you do, please)

e = experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

V I R G I N

i know, i know. again. i know.

but listen. he just doesn’t really have time to focus on this kind of stuff! not that it never crosses his mind, but until he meets you it’s just something he doesn’t spare a passing glance at

he’s certainly had opportunities among the cohort of the mafia, but he’s just. . .not interested in other people

he’s interested in you, though <3

he gets off very quickly when you first start going at it - he’ll happily build up his restraint though (tie his hands behind his back and edge him til he cums untouched <3), especially if it means making you feel good

takes some practice and instruction, but everything you tell him gets burned into his mind. he can make you fall apart in minutes after a few weeks of getting to know your body

f = favorite position (this goes without saying)

missionary or doggy - he can’t pick because they’re both so different and have their own perks

missionary? he can palm your chest, hold your cheeks, bite your collarbones, kiss your lips, and watch the way your face grows more and more fucked out with each thrust

doggy? he can grip your ass, pin your arms behind your back, pull you up by your hair, trace the expanse of your back, and reach so deep in you

probably doggy, actually - he loves watching your ass jiggle while he's blowing your back out <3

g = goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

not goofy, but sassy.

he's serious about it too - can you say brat tamer?

prefers you to alleviate the tension so he can run with his power dynamic <3 mouth off to him a little! make jokes! it makes it easier for him to put you back in your place and believe me, he enjoys doing it

“what was that? think you’re funny? we’ll see how funny you think you are when you can’t walk tomorrow.”

“try to talk back with cock in your mouth.”

“crying now? this is what you asked me for, angel.”

h = hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

coarse black hair that he prefers to remove entirely, even if he’s not sexually active

it’s just a distraction/buffer from watching how deliciously he slides in and out of you

he’d wouldn’t ask you to remove yours if you really didn’t want to - i think he prefers a little hair on his partner anyway - but he likes how it looks and feels on him

i = intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

he’s a little unpracticed in romance and he loses himself easily - he can be rather rough and selfish when he’s chasing his own pleasure

when he slows himself down and puts his focus solely on your pleasure, however, it seems to come so easily to him that you wouldn’t think he’s all that inexperienced

he does call you by your name a lot during sex, along with a few nicknames <3 his favorites are angel, darling, and doll

goes out of his way every once in a while to set the mood super right just because it’s something he enjoys and feels like he should do for you. the whole shebang with candles and silk sheets! maybe some aphrodisiac chocolates or a surprise involving something you’ve mentioned wanting to try in the bedroom - when he pays attention you’ll feel like the luckiest partner in the world

j = jack off (masturbation headcanon)

doesn’t do it much - refer to the top of letter c.

when he does, though -

and okay, okay maybe this is my bias showing -

but i think we have another pillow humper here. . .

just THINK with me for a second about how pretty a sight it would be to walk in on him - he’s not usually so pent up that he can’t wait for you, but maybe you’ve been gone a few days on an assignment. you arrive back in yokohama early, but you don’t even check your phone because you’re exhausted; you just walk through the door of your apartment to hear heavy breathing and shuffling from your room

so you fumble to your bedroom doorframe. . .just to find aku on his knees, straddling your bunched up pillow

his button-up hangs open and you can see his stomach flex as he rides the pillow furiously, his dick leaking through his boxers - you catch a glimpse of his pretty, uninhibited face as he breathes your name into a moan

before he sees you and scrambles beneath a blanket, of course

all you can do is giggle and make your way over to him - sure, you’re tired, but you’ve kept your boy waiting so long! the least you can do is help him get off since he’s obviously so desperate for you, right?

“aww, ryuu, couldn’t wait for me? no, no, keep going, show me how you’d get off on my lap.”

you’ll get it for teasing him, but it’s worth it <3

k = kink (one or more of their kinks)

bondage!!!

impact play!!!

marking!!!

rashomon’s a big help here - you don’t need rope, and tying is easy!

tie him up, let him tie you up - he’s a fan of either - he could be a rigger or a rope bunny depending on both of your moods.

he’s not opposed to rope, though - the work and the sensuality that goes into it is often more rewarding. plus, he just thinks you look wonderful with a silk rope harness around your chest <3

when you’re not tied, don’t be afraid to smack him around a little. bite him, slap him, choke him, scratch him up. he’s tough, he can take it, and he won’t mind doing it back if you’re into it, too.

he’s a quiet guy, but he likes sound! the wet pap, pap, pap! of your skin against his while he fucks you is just heavenly to him

bigggggg big fan of spanking you as punishment <3 be bratty, get spanked

(he’ll always take care of your after)

(plus, he swears the marks you leave on him are darker, harsher, and last longer after he punishes you - just how he wants them <3)

l = location (favorite places to do the do)

at home, in bed. he’s a simple guy

optimal for privacy, optimal for intimacy, optimal for snoozing or cooking a meal after <3

(i think he also just enjoys being domestic with you. having sex in your home, cooking in your kitchen after, sleeping in your bed. . .)

m = motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

seeing you in any position of authority

it’s odd because he prefers to be dominant. maybe it’s the thought of putting you in your place, or being the only one to have you at his mercy. he’s not sure but either way, he likes seeing his partner in charge and maybe a little frustrated or bossy <3

you’re heading a report? giving an assignment to your squad during a meeting? in charge of any sort of coordination? you’re getting fucked after. he can’t help himself - you’re so hot and you’re all his.

say his full first name. he knows it’s a mouthful, no pun intended, and he loves when you call him ryuu, don’t get me wrong. it makes him feel cared for a close to you, it’s so important to him

but when he’s in you, fuck - call him ryuunosuke and beg him for it harder. i promise you he’s trying not to cum right then and there

n = no (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

public sex

i think you could work him up to an empty-office, locked-door quickie but it’s absolutely not his favorite methodology and he won’t go any riskier than that

o = oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

loves loves loves giving. there’s nothing he can find that he doesn’t like about it

in fact, it relaxes him

loves how you taste, loves how you sound, loves how you smell, loves fingering you and rubbing you while he does it to draw pretty whines out of you - it’s almost like stress relief for him

far from polite when receiving - he’s a face fucker, sorry y’all

he’ll always reward you handsomely after he uses your throat, promise <3

p = pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

pretty rough, to be honest. it’s his nature - he’s done very few things in his life without violence and aggression, and he’d be lying if he said he doesn’t like the control it gives him.

he can certainly be gentle with you after you show him the ropes - otherwise, this is all he really knows

gentle or rough, he fucks fast. he comes to really love the lewd noises your bodies emit together that way <3

q = quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

only at home, really. he’s not a fan of fucking where he could get caught

if you so please, he will split you open against your apartment door before you both leave for work

can’t deny how much he loves watching you disheveled, tucking your shirt back in, as you catch your breath before you lean up to kiss him and say you’ll see him later for more <3

r = risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

not super down to get caught or be watched. he’s much more inclined to remind you you’re his in a place where you won’t be distracted by anything or anyone else

he’ll experiment kink-wise, especially with his existing kinks - if you let him use rashomon to bind your wrists, he only wants to see how much further you’ll let him take it from there <3

s = stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

our chronically ill king, only one or two for him

his stamina isn’t great. but!!!

he can alternate between fingering you and eating you out for hours <3 and he often will

t = toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

edge him with a cock ring on

just do it.

he’s impatient but he can’t deny how intense his orgasms are after you do this to him <3 he’ll bitch and whine and cry through it but he secretly loves it

will surely use toys on you if you’d like him to - i can’t see him owning anything other than maybe a plug or dildo he’s experimented with before (that’s a whole post of its own), so introduce him to whatever you’d like

u = unfair (how much they like to tease)

loves teasing, hates being teased.

he can dish it but he can’t take it. gets agitated and impatient when you’re dangling yourself in front of him and he can’t have you right away, but he’s nowhere near above flustering you in public, grazing his hands over your ass after you hug him, or tracing your jaw with a wandering finger for minutes at a time while he looks at you with bedroom eyes

he adores you when you’re worked up and unable to keep your hands off of him - aww, you want him? he won’t say this but it’s super cool ‘cause he loves feeling wanted. <3

v = volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

he’s quiet on instinct - lots of silent screams and heaving breaths out of this one

only really moans when he’s ready to cum - this is part of the reason why edging him is so fun, because you can draw out sounds you’ve never heard from him before <3

whisper-mumbles to you through his climax

“fuck, that’s so good! s- so good, doll, thank you! fuck fuck fuck don’t stop don’t stop don’t stop i love you. . .!”

w = wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

on the topic of clothed sex - sometimes grinding through clothes is even hotter to him than penetration <3 there’s just something about how desperate it feels. . .

plop yourself on his lap to make out and grind on him desperately until you’re both cumming through your pants <3 nghhhh

x = x-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

kind of hung and he doesn’t even realize it

girthy and almost 7 inches

two pretty veins that split off from each other on the underside <3

i think he curves up a little and gets a bit thinner at the tip

y = yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

low to average - he doesn’t think about it all the time, and it mostly comes to his attention when you bring it up

regardless, he’s unlikely to turn you down even if he wasn’t particularly thinking of it at the moment. just because it isn’t consuming him doesn’t mean he’ll pass up an opportunity to be buried in you <3

z = zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

sleepy demon boy

he can bounce back from a blowjob, but after fucking you? whew now he calling me nyquil or whatever nicki minaj said

within minutes, baby

hold him and kiss him while he dozes off <3 he'll mumble and grumble about how much he loves you until he's out

[sleeplessgreaser]

The Outsiders as Animals

wanted to draw Johnny and Dally but I can't draw people to save my life + i love using animals to represent characterizations of people = i came up with the animal equivalents of the gang

also im an animal nerd so i gotta use my knowledge somehow

This is gonna be long because of all the pictures, sorry

Johnny Cade - alley cat

A skinny alley cat of no specific breed, just your basic domestic feline. Likely with black, tuxedo or black smoke fur. He lives almost exclusively outside and is often the target of abuse and bullying, resulting in malnourishment and less-than-ideal hygiene. But, if you feed him and give him a warm place to sleep at night, he might just be your friend. He didn't choose this kind of life, and really he deserves much better.

Dallas Winston - hound

A tall, lanky mutt, with a barrel chest and sharp, pointed features. He's not a specific breed, and definitely not a purebred, but similar to an Ibizan hound. He likes to go fast and enjoys racing, but he also enjoys going out and hunting for some action. His stature might be intimidating, and his teeth sure are big, but he's not so bad once you get to know him... if he let's you, that is.

Two-Bit Mathews - possum

Just your average wild possum, with a goblinoid personality and little grabby hands. He'll show off his teeth any chance he gets, but it's anyone's guess if he'll ever use them. Also, he's surprisingly clean given his lifestyle. (And it's absolutely shocking that he doesn't carry rabies.)

Steve Randle - mountain lion

Lean and muscular, can jump wide gaps and is surprisingly dexterous, and sure he looks innocent enough on the surface (if you didn't know any better) but he would love to beat you up and absolutely will if you give him ANY reason to. You may not be afraid of him, but you should be.

Darrel Curtis - Kodiak or grizzly bear

Big, strong and sturdy. He looks scary, and sounds scary, and yes you should probably be scared, but he'll leave you alone if you mind your own business. Alongside that, he's mostly a loner, definitely wishes he didn't have 2 cubs to look after, but he will provide for them and protect them until his dying breath.

Sodapop Curtis - black bear

A handsome guy, with sleek fur and a kind face. He looks so sweet, and boy is he a charmer, but in reality he is a menace to society (and it's easy to forget that). He will mess with you, and he enjoys being a nuisance, but if you tell him to knock it off he'll probably stop... probably.

Ponyboy Curtis - Gobi bear

Small and dog-like, but still a bear! His kind is endangered and there aren't many like him. He lives in a place that you might not expect, but he's happiest there. He's not much of a hunter, definitely more of a gatherer. He'll defend himself if he has to, especially if he has some backup, but really he doesn't want to hurt anyone.

[pink3princess]

can you do relationship hcs with constantine: sfw and nsfw. this man has invaded my brain. also love ur writing <33

cw/tw: john constantine x reader, Constantine x gn!reader, degrading (a little), biting, daddy kink, let me know if you find anymore i should add!

a/n: AH thank you!! im so glad you like my writing and i hope you like this! <3 this was actually fun to work on lol

masterlist

sfw

he's sarcastic and generally doesn't care for people, but those he does care about, he kinda has a funny way of showing it

so with you, it's playful banter; it's acting like he's annoyed with you but secretly he loves when you are near him or "bugging" him when he's working

another way he shows his love for you is in really subtle ways, like if you drop something under the table, he holds the corner of the table so you won't bump your head

if you guys live together and you have a cat, he acts like he doesn't like the cat and acts like it's a nuisance

but then you'll wake up one morning to find them cuddling and the cat ends up following him everywhere🙄

also during the relationship he doesn’t know how to handle being vulnerable, or even being close with people in general

he's just not use to it but also he's afraid of hurting anybody that's close to him :(

so he can be kind of off putting towards you sometimes. but at the end of the day you're still around, stuck to him like glue and it secretly makes his heart melt :(

sometimes, he won't talk to you for days on end, then show up at your house with little trinkets or flowers that he got for you

'aw! you thought of me when you saw these?' 'yea, so what?' he'd say, a newly lit cigarette in his mouth, completely unbothered (he doesn't know how to be affectionate he's literally me)

basically he’s exactly my kind of man (mean and not attracted to me <3)

nsfw!

ok look, im not into the rough or degrading stuff, buuuut that's what he is! so on this one occassion im into it and ill write it

…he's a little degrading

but he does it in a quiet and soft voice, nothing too much to hurt your feelings (I’m very sensitive-if he called me a slut I'd take it to heart and cry <3)

he degrades in a way where he makes you flustered on purpose, then taunts you for it

like he's fucking you for the first time and you're trying to hide your face from his view, and he's not having it 'aw, getting all shy for me?' (i need help) he'd pin you against the mattress while pounding you from behind, whispering in your ear, 'you like this huh?' and just bottoms out and goes deeeepp

bruises on thighs bruises on thighs b-

i dont even know if this is considered nsfw but he's an ass guy

he likes to bite? bite ur ass, thighs...he might be hungry idk but you're loving it

daddy kink 💋- i cant really explain it he likes the role and plays it well, he's demanding and stern and cold UGh i need him

[hypocriticaltypwriter]

People Are Strange (ROTTMNT VAMPIRE AU)

OMG, IM GONNA THROW UP SO MICH INFO ON YOU GUYS IM SO SORRY BUT VAMPIRES ARE ON THE BRAIN AND THEY MAKE ME DO THINGS

A TAD bit inspired off of Lost Boys, so it's got that 80s cliche/grunge to it - also @m0nster-fluffer TOTALLY didn't encourage or inspire me to finally write all this stuff out... Totally not 👀

This is inspired by a Roleplay idea I came up with... But was never able to act out so I'm glad I was able to write some if the stuff down!

BASICALLY... It's just like the brothers and MAYBE April (but I think she'll just be a normal human they let tag along, and maybe she does some of their... Hunting for them) are vampires, usually come out late at parties or do their own thing, riding around on motorcycles, being nuisance to many, and threats to others.

I feel if it were a scenario, it'd probably go one (or your whole group, depends on if you want your character to already know the guys or not) of the Roleplayers moves into this small secluded town where all this happens, and somehow gets wrapped up in meeting the four weirdos + April, and then starts discovering the creepy and spooky blah blah ect.

The Hamato Brothers are something no one wants to be around with, cause eventually, you go missing. You get lost. Never to be found, it's kind of difficult when their very... Persuasive.

Basic twist/plot for this whole thing: Everyone in this town but you know the guys are vampires. You and your family have no clue until you find out why the people of this town don't want you to leave, try to keep you trapped in this so called, happy, campy, little peace of heaven off somewhere deep in the woods. You're new meat- new faces. New prey.

The guys had started getting more relentless and more brash toward the townsfolk until you showed up... They can't just give you up that easy.

(And my rant about what I think the guys would be like HEE)

Raphael Raph is one of the more docile of his brothers, he isn't as peer pressuring or over energetic as his other three, usually he's like that big brother 'come on, leave em alone' energy if he can see someone getting stressed over his brothers trying to get them to jump like- twenty feet from the beach pillars. But, as much as he seems like a chill dude, his vampirism is... Different. When he's mad, he isn't afraid to let you know. He can get aggressive and almost animalistic, a LOT of 'accidents' involving people can be from Raphs... Temper-tantrums.

Any vampire powers? Yes! The guy is a total brute, and it's not just for show. He could lift two trucks with both hands with absolute ease if he wanted to.

Leonardo Oh yikes, one of the brothers that a LOT of people tend to be persuaded by. Leo has the tendency to make some of the riskier decisions and ideas of the group, just to see how freaked out they can get new comers, what makes em run away screaming. It makes it more enjoyable for him. He loves- and I mean LOVES a chase once in a while, even if it spreads out into an entire week, he doesn't stop, as long as your in his town, his territory, you can't escape him or his brothers.

Leo's vampirism is one of the MANY faults and reasons the brothers have almost been caught. The guy pushes and tests limits like the little ass he is and waits to see what happens. Raphs killed people, sure, but Leo's killed people, critters, and he tends to leave them on people's doorsteps just to freak them out- especially if they've pissed him off. Or he's... Taken a liking to you.

His actions have gotten him locked up in the Church by the people a few times. And even though he continues to do it, he HATES getting chained up cause he's stuck their for a damn week, and all his brothers do is ridicule, taunt, or scold him. Any vampire powers? Yes! Leo's got some kind of... Trance inducing powers - it isn't like it is in shows or movies. It's a lot more... Subtle than that. It's he can make his point or voice sound more alluding, more conniving, and it almost feels like you can't refuse the guy.

Donatello. The lesser known of the vampire brothers, Donnie is extremely quiet and keeps to himself. And not in a shy way, this guy's seemingly resting bitch-face/death glare looks like he's looking directly through you and into your deepest darkest fears. He probably is.

But once you get to know him - as rare as it is unless he decides you're worth his time, he's still pretty blunt and cold, and he's almost cruel in some way. You can see some dark joy behind his eyes watching you get scared or squirm under his cold arm over your shoulder.

He doesn't seem like it, but he's got that persuasion and slight bloodlust that his twin Leo has. He just more collected about it. He tends to be the one who doesn't cause much of the missing accidents, (he's much more intelligent to clean and hide a crime scene, please, the man isn't a reckless idiot like his brothers.) But the one or two he's done are because someone pissed him off. The someone is his twin. Those two get in nasty- and I don't put it lightly when I say NASTY fights. Ranging from verbal to physical, it's rare that they actually get along so much so that they barely even talk to each other cause it ends in yelling or biting and scratching.

Any vampire powers? Yes! Same as his twin, maybe he dpes it more with that smolder or look he has rather than his voice, but it still gets the job done.

Michelangelo

And finally, the youngest of the Hamatos, Mikey. Of course, don't let that fool you. This vampire tends to be the most welcoming of newcomers out if all his brothers, while he's eerily sweet and calm, it does the trick to put people's minds at ease and get them to join their little rag-tag group.

He's usually the one you'd go to if you feel on edge about everything, him and Raph being more docile to newcomers before they decide to pounce.

While he gives on the laid-back persona... Don't get him mad or threaten his brothers. It'd like a whole new creature from the deepest darkest part of your soul is unleashed if you get on this vampires nerves.

And he's fast. They all are. Don't get me wrong, but the stealth this guy has sneaking and sprinting through woods. You're not gonna escape.

Any vampire powers? Yes! Super speed and levitation! The levitation is usually on his part - meaning he's the one floating around a few feet of ground and picking things up of the floor a few feet away from him. But he can pick people up if he decides he's too tired or annoyed to chase.

[sinisterexaggerator]

Please, imagine if you will, cockwarming the Duro boys + Hondo

Cad Bane, Shriv Suurgav, and Hondo Ohnaka get a cockwarming.

Explicit / 18+

Warnings: PiV, double-penetration in Bane's case, kissing, not really any biting, sorry, but some use of teeth, care-taking, comfort.

Notes: Shriv is a little more confident in himself in his ficlet, and it's really sexy (imho), though he still self-deprecates a bit. Bane denies help and is a bit of an egotistical bastard. Hondo is a sweetheart and indulges you with pure fluff.

*I know cockwarming has nothing to do with actually being cold, however with the Duros boys, it just worked out that way because I headcanon they are cold-blooded.

Word count total: 4.3+

Kinktober-ish? 🎃

“It’s so cold in here,” you said, digging in your pack for something warm to wear. Cad Bane sneered at you as he fiddled with the temperature regulator.

You were a bounty hunter, joining him on a job. It wouldn’t be the first time you had worked with Bane, and you felt you could remotely trust him.

It was a two-person gig, out on Ord Mantell. A Devaronian pirate was to be brought in for a heavy sum. He was elusive, well-armed, and known to kill on sight. It had been your idea to ask him for his help. While you were no amateur, Cad Bane had unmatched skills. He was sure to be of use, no matter how high the price.

“Todo! Ah thought Ah told ye te fix dhis dang-blamed thing,” he grumbled out, the little service droid’s fingers tapping anxiously together as his other servos grinded to a halt. He was beside himself in nervousness, and a form of agitation that bordered human. It was a humorous thing to watch, as the two made quite a team despite their bickering.

“Yes, well, you see, the thermostat is broken, and I did mention that you should purchase a new one the next time we landed, but perhaps you did not hear me. Oh no...” Todo continued with what seemed like real concern, “do you need your ears checked, Mr. Bane? Can you hear me now?”

You found it hard to suppress a laugh, Bane’s eyes constricting as he turned to face his droid. “I’d be blessed not t’hear ya’! Mebbe I’ll jus’ use you fer de parts,” he shot back, one finger pointing, punctuating his sour words.

“I am afraid you won’t find the right components to make the repairs. I am a techno-service droid, not a subassembly of a rather cheaply designed life-support system. Honestly sir, you should think about upgrading the-”

“Pushin’ yer luck, Todo…” Bane seethed, Todo ambulating out and beyond the cockpit rather awkwardly. He knew better than to keep speaking out of turn. He boosted himself down the narrow corridor, off to find better things to do.

“He was only trying to help. Aren’t you the one who programmed him?” you asked, amused. The hunter finally turned his crimson glare on you.

“Left ‘im how Ah found ‘im. Few tweaks ‘ere an’ dhere. Didn’ program ‘im te be’a nuisance,” he corrected you.

You shrugged, your body shivering. The coldness of deep space did not take long to set within your bones. You motioned towards the holomap. “How long until we’re there?”

Bane sighed, pushing the brim of his hat up from off his forehead and an intriguing metal plate. He pinched the center of his brow, seeming to be irritated at everything, including you right now.

“Couple a hours. Betta’ get some shut eye, yer gonna needit.”

You scrutinized the man, then turned to do just that. It was better than simply standing there, aggravating the Duros further.

***

You woke up restless. You had tossed and turned through half of what you thought was night. You took a breath, seeing your own exhale within the biting air of the ship. It was frigid!  

You had taken to Bane’s spare bunk, but his was empty. You checked your chronometer. Several hours had come to pass; you thought it odd he did not follow his own advice. You rose and exited, remaining barefoot and forgoing anything but your crop top and black pants. You tip-toed through the ship, finding your way back toward the cockpit.

The moment the automated doors parted, Bane withdrew one LL-30 blaster. It was aimed directly at you, though the hunter was seated in his pilot’s chair. You raised your arms in defense, he relented and replaced the weapon. You noted his movements were slow and feeble – Cad Bane was not himself.

He swiveled round, bothering to ignore your presence now, though he grit his fangs, emitting a sharp reprimand. “Don’ sneak up on me!”

His own breath came out in frosty puffs – something was wrong, it was obvious. Though, to get him to admit it would be like pulling teeth. Still, you had to try. “Bane, are you all right?”

He tensed up at the question. He wasn’t used to being asked about his well-being. He was silent for a moment, his response more subdued than you would have guessed. “Fine,” he answered, still somewhat vexed.

“You don’t look fine,” you commented, walking up beside him. His scales were discolored and pale in hue – you remembered reading something about Duros. They were humanoid, though reptile. They could not regulate their own body temperature. Though Cad Bane wore an insulated suit, it seemed not to be enough. You cautiously skirted his captain’s chair and made him look at you face-to-face. “You’re cold, aren’t you.”

“S-so whut. We’ll be dhere soon. Nothin’ I cahn’t handle,” he snapped at you.

You timidly reached out a hand. You were deliberate on purpose. You wanted the hunter to see you were not a threat as you gently cupped his lower jaw below his breathing apparatus. “You’re freezing.”

“De thermostate's busted, what de ye exspec’?” he retorted grouchily, shifting his gaze away from you as he tried to shirk your grasp. He waved you off with a gloved hand of his own, though it had been rather short-lived and half-hearted.

You did not speak. He leered at you as you stared back. For a moment you saw beyond his tough exterior and into the soul beneath. He was just a man, callous around the edges. He was a killer, that much was true, but at this very moment he looked… pathetic.

You were overcome with something, an urge to help, but also an urge to warm him. Being human, your blood was tepid, and you knew you could provide him heat. “Let me help you, please.”

“Don’ need yer help!” he was quick to turn you down, winding his arms around himself.

You did not let this deter you. You crept forward and straddled yourself across his thighs. His eyes narrowed beneath his hat, the Duros regaining enough strength to encapsulate your face. His fingers bore into your dainty chin; you did not react to it. He eyed you beneath the wide brim of his bolero, studying, observing, smelling you and your sudden, unmistakable arousal.

“Ah know what it is yer afta’,” he smirked, one snaggletooth exposed by the curling of his lip. “Duros dick,” he surmised.

You kissed him gingerly, peppering him across his mouth, his cheek, his neck; those parts left exposed to you as your hand wandered downward and began to unbutton and unzip his pants. “Body heat,” you managed to get out, “you’re a Duros, I’m a Human. It makes sense. I don’t want you to freeze to death.”

“Ain’ dhat somethin’,” he ridiculed and mocked you. “Givin’ a shit about lil’ ol’ me.”

“You’re a good shot. I need you alive,” you pleaded, your mouth now hungry for the taste of him, though he sat stalk still as you withdrew his unique members -  there were… two of them?

You gasped out in surprise. He outright laughed, a snide guffaw of derision and disdain, a snort, for lack of a better word, though he lacked a nose upon his surly countenance. “Surprise,” he snarled at you.

Your hand was sticky with his slick. You took him by surprise this time. You shoved your pants down, then lubricated yourself with his slippery byproduct.

You gathered up both his dual girths in the palm of your bare hand. You mashed them together closely, creating a double-headed spear with which to impale yourself. You made eye contact with him as this shut him up quite well, sliding down one centimeter at a time as you began taking in all of him.

He stared in disbelief as you whimpered at the feel, your cunt stretching malleably to accommodate his dicks. His brow ridge twitched as he sucked in a raspy breath, his whole body rigid, stiff,  until he finally started to relax.

“Tight as dhat ass ye got,” he said offhandedly, one arm roving below as he clasped the meat of your posterior.

With each tiny movement of yourself atop his cocks, you found yourself groaning, whining, and making other involuntary sounds. You wrapped your arms around the Duros, pinning him against your chest the best you could. You buried your hot breath against his neck and across his shoulder.

You pussy clenched around him doubly penetrating you though it had been  your doing, elated gasps indicating that even staying so stationary was almost too much for you to handle. “It hurts, but it feels so good,” you confessed to him.

Bane growled, low, churlish, a deep-seated rumble rising from the depths of his Durosian vocals. He pushed himself further into your snug loins, your shapely body, and your curves. He reveled in the scent of you as he began to absorb your warmth.

“Stay like dhat an’ don’ move,” he commanded you, hips jutting forward so that his cocks distended you from the inside out. The pressure was intense, causing you to murmur your euphoria in a form of protest. Your belly felt delightfully swollen, and your mind was overflowing with endorphins.

“Oo-ooh.” A sound of pleasure escaped you in a broken pant, his ribs and crests pushing you towards the brink of an orgasm.  You had only done this to warm him up, though you had to admit you had been curious. Your plush lips found their way once more to his thin line of a mouth. “Kiss me,” you pleaded with him.

Bane teased you with a gloved finger, thrusting it between your teeth instead of his cool tongue, his coloration darkening as your body worked its mammalian magic on him. It was like you had a built-in heater, and now that you were here, Bane would take advantage of every bit of you.

He shifted, grabbed you by the waist and forced you down, his phalli ending at the base of your vaginal canal as he bottomed out.  

You touched the protrusion within your walls as he split you open, massaging the tautness of your abdomen as you moaned again. You hovered there, sitting flush across his lap as you licked your lips, so close to drooling on yourself. You thought you could stay like this forever, drunk off his Duros dicks, feeling full and satisfied, a blissful look overtaking your entire face, settling deep into your eyes.

“Looks like ye’ve bitten off more dhan ye cahn chew, lil’ lady,” Bane quipped salaciously, grinning like a man possessed by something cruel, like egotism. His teeth dredged themselves across your ear; he rattled out a hiss; his hand adjoined yours, finding the outline of himself within your innards - then he pressed against it, albeit softly, just to be a total bastard.

“Mmmmmn… Mhmm…” you cooed right back to him before you stole another kiss.

You were stationed on Hoth. You were a part of the Rebellion’s ground forces. You were on the lookout for the enemy from dusk till dawn, and so was Shriv Suurgav, though he was out of his element - he was supposed to be a pilot.

The general had decided he would best serve a purpose in the here and now. Suurgav was Spec Ops, and they needed all the help that they could get. His X-wing lay in wait some distance from the base – he was expecting to be signaled, or else to make a hasty retreat.

It was time to switch. Two other soldiers came to relieve you from your post, but something was wrong. The sweet Duros was nearly frozen.

You both had protective snow gear, layers upon layers of insulation, and boots with tread, but even so, Shriv looked worse for wear. You had known him for far too long to see him suffer. In fact, you had hid your feelings from him.

Perhaps now was as good a time as any to confess, for you both could perish any day now at the butt end of a trooper’s blaster, or a Sith Lord’s lightsaber – Darth Vader.

The poor thing’s fangs were a chatter as you both headed down the narrow hall towards the meager barracks. This base had many rooms, and you were sure to be alone, if only for one or two moments of reprieve.

“Shriv, come with me,” you whispered to him, guiding him through the corridor. You passed Echo Base’s center of command, spying both Han and Princess Leia bickering.

“Thosse two are at it again,” Shriv spoke between his shivers, though he was surprised at the firm grip you had upon his hand. He could feel the warmth of your human skin radiating outwardly, despite the gloves that housed his particularly lengthy fingers.

“Where are you taking me?” he asked with anxious curiosity. You glanced backward at him to see a look of trepidation, his face haggard, long, and nearly frostbitten.

“To get warm, silly.” You smiled at him, and he somewhat loosened up. It wasn’t that he was actually apprehensive, but he tended to err on the side of caution, no matter what the situation called for.

“That’s awfully nice of you,” he said casually, making conversation. “Just how do you plan to do that when we’re stationed on a planet literally made of ice?”

“You’ll see,” you said cheekily, pausing by the entrance while you waited the few seconds for the automated door to open – you were surprised it hadn’t frozen solid, but luck was in your favor, if only just this once.

Once inside, you sat Shriv down. You removed your gloves and pressed your tepid hands against his frigid scales, warming his scarred cheeks with the aid of your own body heat.

The Duros sighed out a frosty breath, red eyes heavy-lidded and drooping in contentment. Though he thought this was rather wonderful, he was suddenly befuddled.

“Thiss is all well and good and all, but I don’t see why-” You cut the Duros off. You massed your lips gently against his mouth. You cradled his striking jawline in the slopes of your bare palms. He gasped out a flustered breath, nearly jumping backwards. You held him firmly – that’s when he melted into your soft touch.

You perched yourself astride his lap. His shoulders slumped in mild surrender before he wrapped his arms about you. He kissed you back – it was more than you could have hoped for. His own lips were thin, but his icy tongue was playful and explorative.

You took it a step further. You moved one hand steadily downward. You fumbled with the closure of his trousers, the Duros’ eyes bolting open as they had closed to enjoy the moment.

“Swe-sweetheart, I’m not sure what it is you’re after, but…” Shriv trailed off, searching your sultry gaze. You leaned forward towards him and murmured in his ear.

“Your cock,” you professed plainly, his scales bristling as your words sent a surge of something foreign from the top of his bulbous head to the bottoms of his toes.

“Wh-what?” he gaped at you as you physically pursued him. His eyes roved downward as he intently watched you, though he didn’t bother to try and put a stop to it. He was hard, even in this angry weather. No matter how cold Suurgav was, you were pleased to learn he was able to perform at a moment’s notice.

“Shhh,” you cooed, attempting to placate him, “let me warm it for you.”

He was at a loss. He blinked once, mouth partially hanging open. You took this as an invitation, withdrawing his alien anatomy to be grasped securely by your curling fist.

His dick was thick, spined, and ridged. He had a slick, but you had your own. You were already so wet, for Suurgav turned you on – he just did it for you, and it was something that you could not control.

You undid the clasp of your own pants, pushing the waistband down to rest just below your hips. You lifted yourself up, then gradually, inch by inch, started to take his cock.

Oh, and it felt so good. You had to curb your innate desire to rise and full on ride him. Your pussy involuntarily clenched as you whimpered at the size of him.

Shriv’s breath caught in his chest as his body crumpled forward. He gathered you right up like you were a precious object, or something delicate. He clutched you to himself as he moaned against your neck, burying himself below your ear. He thought he might just cum right now if you even so much as moved another muscle.

“It’s so soft, and warm, and-” he humbly commented, his speech muffled across your throat. You thought you sensed something; his fangs had grazed you and it had felt so perfect.

“Lie back, Shriv,” you urged him quietly.

“I don’t think I can move,” he informed you honestly, “Or I’m gonna-”

“Just take it slow,” you encouraged him, pushing back against him with the full weight of your buxom form.

He complied, unwinding his arms from around your frame. He sank back on his hands first, then lied down flat. You tipped your shapely body forward, the rest of you still clothed and cozy. You dug your knees into the bed, then wrapped your arms around his shoulders.

You planted little kisses, nuzzling your nose in against his pale blue flesh. You canted your entire self a little to the right, then did your best to bring Suurgav along for the short-lived ride.

“Mmph…” he interjected, losing himself and all his wits. This had been totally unexpected, but there was not much he could truly complain about.

“You’re insane, I think. That, or you’re just really desperate,” he contended. “I know something about desperation,” he added after the fact, arbitrarily.

“No,” you faintly spoke, though not bothering to stir. The only thing you did was pull him in closer to you. “I’ve always had a thing for you.”

“Is that sso? Lucky me,” he affirmed nonchalantly, though he hugged you tightly, burrowing his rostrum amongst your standard-issue hat and your loose strands. “If this is a dream, might I suggest never waking me up,” he stated dryly.

Your cheeks flushed red as you shifted incrementally, feeling the fullness of his girth against your inner walls. You serried your hips into him, just to indulge in the bulge inside your guts.

“You can stay as long as you like,” you reassured him, licking a hot stripe just below his chin to the cusp of his ear canal.

The Duros shuddered; he barely contained a rush of nervous laughter. He muttered throatily, emitting a deep-rooted rumble to seal the deal. “Home, sweet home...”  he snickered, rocking forward to sheath himself more deeply.

You exhaled a breathy gasp, for you almost came.

“Stay still, please,” you begged of him. You encased him in a snug embrace, binding him in the tangle of your limbs.

“Yes, ma’am,” he purred, nipping the lobe of your fleshy ear. “Can’t take a taste of your own medicine, I see.”

You awoke to the unique feel of a Weequay kissing you, his breath hot and temperate across the bare flesh of your shoulder. You were lying naked beneath the blankets after a night of excessive lovemaking, having found your way into the Pirate King’s plush bed.

It was luxurious, and he spared no expense. It wasn’t that he had to, all these things were bought with stolen credits, or money earned on less than legal business ventures. You were not one to judge, as you were no saint yourself. You had been a call girl, an exotic dancer, until Hondo had whisked you away from your cantina on Nar Shadda.

The bar had been owned and operated by a Hutt. This one in particular had favored you, but so had Hondo. He pulled some strings, did some mild-mannered convincing, his assuasive, persuasive voice enough to acquit a criminal from their past misdeeds – it would only take Ohnaka to save them with his charming intonations.

You were hooked, like a fish who had been baited, and Hondo was addicted to you. You were not sure why the Force had deemed it so, for you were nothing more than a lowly entertainer.

There must have been something there for the way Hondo pressed your form against himself, his leathery skin cool to the touch and almost reptilian. You pretended not to rouse; you were enjoying this too much, Hondo’s gentle hands caressing and tactually belauding your waist and hips.

He had thrown caution to the winds, for you had tempted him. He was an expert orator, on top of a dashing scoundrel. You decided not to question it. You were not sure you wanted to know the answer. Hondo had a reputation for being partial to hosts of women.

Still, it was nice to think you might be special, even if he tired of you after another full rotation. You purred out a pleasing sound, finally stirring from your drowsy daze.

“Good morning, dearest,” he spoke pruriently in your ear, his voice practically indecent for all the goosepimples it administered.

“Did you sleep well?” he asked of you, one ribbed finger tracing the outline of your figure beneath the sheets. He tantalized you with a simple touch, causing you to grind the protuberance of your ass against his already hardening cock.

“I barely slept at all, but that’s your fault,” you teased, gathering the man up by his hands and coercing him to wrap his arms around you from behind.

“My apologies,” he offered coolly, yielding to your desires, Hondo cinching his grip around your waist just below your vuluptous breasts. “I did not think you minded at de time.”

You chirped out a girlish laugh, guiding those manicured hands upward. You fitted them atop your tits, coaxing him to squeeze. “I have a mind to go another round, but it’s pleasant just to lie here with you,” you admitted.

“Why not both?” he inquired, roiling out a lecherous murmur from his hairline mouth, fingers manipulating and caressing the doughy tissue of your ample chest.

“I like the sound of that,” you declared with sultry elegance, the pirate beginning the whole affair with more kisses being speckled across your throat and collarbone.

You hummed, Hondo continuing to gently compress one breast, the other hand shifting beneath the sheets as he got ready to align himself.

You adjusted accordingly, lifting one leg up and back to drape across his thigh. Your sex was wet in anticipation, Hondo gingerly inserting his ridged member into your bedewed crevasse.

You moaned in appreciation, sinking your pelvis backward to greet his lap. You felt the tip go in, slowly gliding forthright to fill you to the brim.

You made to ride him, your hips beginning to undulate across his robust cock. It was thick, keeled, and a perfect fit. However, Hondo groped you tightly, forcing you to still.

“No, my love. Let me simply bask en de divine,” he whispered in your ear.

You smiled, taking his suggestion at face value. You reached around yourself, behind your waist to grab his buttocks. You used the firmness of your grasp to propel him gently forward until you were adjoined completely, sighing deeply at the sensation of being coupled with him.

Hondo interjected a licentious sound, holding himself back from spilling his seed within you. Instead, he stroked your hair, impressed his lips to the divot between your shoulders, and clasped you more securely to himself as if he never wanted to let you go.

You understood by now – he wanted to rest inside you as you warmed him.

It was intimate, your void occupied full-up as well as your beating heart. You began to wonder about the Weequay’s reputation. He was so genteel, proper, and refined, yet his men both feared and adulated him. What were you to Hondo? How had you found your way to Florrum?

Your doubts were extinguished as he sucked the salt right off your skin, leaving behind a memory in his wake in the form of broken capillaries. You humbly whined as he left his mark, the pirate mindful of his frills, making sure not to truly harm you on accident.

You toyed with the wispy braid that had found its way to hang and dangle, fingers admiring the texture of his ornate hairstyle. You had asked about it once, it was to denote the passage of time for his kind, one for every year he remained away from his native home.

“Delectable,” he stated dissolutely, remarking on the taste of you.

You craned your head, enough to see his handsome face. In sleep he wore no helmet, no protective goggles – he was just a man, a man you were rapidly falling in love with, for you couldn’t help yourself. Perhaps it was naïve.

You smashed your lips against his in enthusiasm. Your tongues became entwined together. They danced and furled around each other as Hondo thoughtfully massaged your inner sanctum with a flex; a pulsing of his cock full flush against the anterior wall of your twitching cunt.

You spoke his name in lust; this only made him kiss you harder and with more fervor. You pulled away before you were carried off, turning around to settle back into the sheets and downy pillows. “I’ve never been quite this happy,” you confessed.

He refastened his arms around you and relaxed, words muffled against the pecks he placed upon your shoulders and your back. “That sounds like a challenge!  I am one tu think I can make you even happier,” he quipped.

“I’d like to see you try,” you provoked him with a smile.

He ground his hips, his thighs, and his sex right into you, causing you to chirrup as he breathed directly in your ear. You shivered involuntarily, trembling from top to bottom.

“Dat can be arranged," he stated plainly, words tinged with a hint of subtle, good-natured arrogance.

-----

Masterlist

Cad Bane Masterlist

Shriv Suurgav Masterlist

Hondo Ohnaka Masterlist

[gunnrblze]

It seems I’m on a Walker brothers kick ‘cause I’m back with another Walker themed batch. 😗 Still, hope you enjoy!

Amen - Amber Run: HESH. This pathetic man drives me a little insane I stg. I always think it’s fun to play around with how he deals with grief. Take that how you will. The ending is the absolute best part and makes me think of Hesh screaming on the beach after Logan is taken.

Divine Loser - Clem Turner: This one is very much Logan to me. Ik most people headcanon him as having a pretty energetic side to him, but I’ve always clung to a more “reserved” personality personally. (Perhaps because I relate to it lol) It’s mentioned more than once that Logan is colder, more methodical. I think he’d like to connect more but finds it hard sometimes “Connect yet stay opaque, I cannot have it both ways.” Not to mention he lives in his brother’s (and father’s) shadow. He very much watches what he says and does because he has so much to live up to. What he does is never enough, they must think he’s a nuisance right? The little brother and nothing more. There’s always a part of him that nobody will ever see. I imagine it’s suffocating sometimes.

Mt. Washington - Local Natives: No idea why, but this is kind of just a Walker brothers song to me. Nothing more to it lol. Feel free to drop your own opinion on it. 😭

The Weight of Us - Sanders Bohlke: Back to Hesh! Makes me think of how he had to raise both him and Logan. Elias was around, sure, but how present can a military parent really be? The military doesn’t care you want to spend time with your family, they want the job done. Anyway—yeah, I think Hesh very much had to be the adult long before he should’ve. It’s scary to have another life to take care of on top of your own, especially one you hold so dear. I think a lot of the lyrics sound like reassurances, both to himself and Logan. Also, the brothers were always destined to be launched into the military after their father’s footsteps. That’s a lot to live up to on day one as the eldest son.

Hateful - Cane Hill: Fed Logan, my best rageful boy. It think this song captures his fury and slight unhingedness after the pit. Rorke was twisted to believe his best friend abandoned him. Logan was twisted to believe his entire family and squad abandoned him. Talk about a kick to the balls lmfao.

Okay this is getting way too long and I feel bad, so I’m cutting it off here!!! Sorry for the literal paragraphs help. Nevertheless, thank you for taking the time to read :)

- cold blooded

Cold blooded, my beloved! Thank you so much for the recs, never apologize for sending too much lol cause I eat these up ≧◡≦

Amen- saw Amber Run and my eye twitched lol, their emotional ass music is 10/10, this is a good one. Very poor pathetic Hesh vibes *tears up*

Divine loser- YOUNGEST CHILD LOGAN my beloved omg. I really like this song after listening & ur words read ME. “What he does is never enough, they must think he’s a nuisance right? The little brother and nothing more. There’s always a part of him that nobody will ever see.” Bye I feel personally attacked lmfao, I love ur interpretation of him being more reserved/colder (I tend to agree w/ that tbh), this fits so well

Mt. Washington- another 10/10, I hear the Walker brother vision actually. “Digging like you can bury something that cannot die. We could wash the dirt off our hands now” there’s something there with this line 😭

The Weight Of Us- parentified Hesh will always kill me omg. “Im not ready, for the weight of us/for the weight of all of us” weeping actually, this whole song is perfect for him. “Secrets are mine to keep, protected by silent sleep/ The time has come, let us be brave”. Very very fitting for the occasion I’m afraid

Hateful- first of all, the vibe switch up had me giggling out loud immediately💀 fed Logan is something that can be so personal! “Every thought I’ve ever had, killing me, killing me. Everyone I’ve ever known, following, following” etc etc yeah this is perfect, esp with the brainwashing he’d have been put through. also the guitar solo in this song? I came

Obsessed 10/10 all of it 🤌🏼

[olderthannetfic]

As a reader mostly (i have A chapter of A Single abandoned work published lol) I go through waves of really enjoying commenting and being scared shirtless of commenting and it's immensely frustrating for me, honestly. I love the idea of commenting, the idea of getting to tell an author what i thought, what I felt, what I thought stood out or was particularly interesting, any theories I have. The idea of being wrong about a theory though, or saying something i thought was kind but hurts their feelings, or being seen as a nuisance for leaving too many short meaningless comments, or leaving pointless comments on fics that already have comments better than I could ever leave scares me stupid and paralyzes me from commenting for awhile until I get my head back under control. Or the big one, sometimes I get really excited for a fic while it's being written, and I make a point out of leaving a Good Comment on every chapter--and then the author takes a step back for a few weeks, and I take a step back, and when they come back either my interests have shifted somewhat or, more often, I'm back in a having-trouble-with-words state and suddenly I can't leave those comments anymore. I just can't string the sentences together. So I don't read the new chapters because the author doesn't deserve to suffer because my words just won't come. And I don't read the new chapters and I don't read the new chapters and suddenly there's a dozen chapters and im sitting here unable to read any of them because I Must Comment and they Must Be Good and I can't fucking do it and I just /wallow/ in being an awful commenter. This has happened about a half dozen times. I don't know what to do about it honestly. I'm afraid of offending authors. I'm afraid of doing well, backing off, being unable to perform as well as I did before and Thus disappointing authors or making them think I'm insincere. I'm afraid, terribly afraid, of being wrong about a theory and making the author feel pressured or like I don't care enough about their writing to pay enough attention to be right. I worry, when they used to reply and don't anymore, that I made them angry or uncomfortable by commenting too much. I try to get back into commenting again by leaving little 'this was lovely, thank you for sharing your work with us!' Comments and walk away from that beating myself up for not being able to write something less trite; because even though I meant what I said, I didn't say all of what I felt and so it feels like an exercise in 'how quickly can i make an author regret opening a new comment email'. I try to comment. I think I have a fairly decent comment to not commenting ratio. Sometimes it's even kind of fun. But god most of the time commenting is one of the most anxiety inducing things I can do. I'm afraid almost every time I sit down in front of that empty box.

That turned vent-ier than I meant for it to, I got overemotional there at the end, sorry about that. Still sending it in though because even though I got upset I think my perspective isn't a unique one; I don't think I'm the only person paralyzed by the 'what if' of commenting Wrong. Of not being good enough. Of being good enough for awhile, and then failing to continue at that height, and thus being a disappointment. I suspect a lot of us feel like that.

--

[demonskiss]

Im in love with all of the yanderes, Violetta, Blythe, Emory especially ugh all of them can hide me in their basement but I had a minor thought while reading through your posts.

Emory is a surgeon

Violetta is an artist

Truly forgot if Blythe had a major-

But what if all of them met the darling at a college? Like, we're just vibing and meeting these "friendly" people and they just looked at us at some point and went "Yup. This is mine now. Taking you home with me" and they either collaborate together and share information or there's an all out war you don't notice?

Idk man it's brainrot tho- food for thought lol

☕️✨️

the college experience

violetta is portrayed as platonic, emory and blythe are romantic

emory canonically has a degree in economics due to the pressure from their family, but for the sake of this ask… let’s say they’re double majoring in both medicine, and economics. blythe canonically majors in pharmacy, and once violetta graduates from high school, she’ll go into studio art! logically, they’d all attend different colleges… but who cares about logic?

even as a freshman, violetta’s art was displayed around the campus. she holds tutoring sessions for those who want to improve their art, and that includes you! no matter your current skill level, she’ll never once degrade you, and she soon becomes charmed by the way you always come every session, the way your eyes light up when you improve at something or learn something new. the artist is determined to keep you coming back, even holding you after tutoring to draw you. you’re stunning in her eyes.

you find yourself in the nurse’s office one day, greeted by the nursing assistant, emory who simply volunteers there. their melodic voice lulls you into a sense of security, never knowing the true emotions stirring up in the older student in front of you. oh, they love the way that your face burns when they touch your forehead, the way that you’re so reliant on them, it makes them lean into the desires they’ve never felt before. they must have you in their grasp. keep coming back, okay? you need biweekly check ups, don’t worry, they’ll always make time for you.

you met blythe through a house party your friend invited you to, both hiding in a room to get away from the scene. he’s a charmer, always knowing what to say to make you laugh, providing comfort in a setting that you’re not accustomed to. they tell you that they frequent parties a lot, so if you choose to attend another one, don’t be afraid to cling to them! they’ll provide nothing but the upmost hospitality, even if it’s not their home.

you introduce your friends to each other one day, unaware of the tension that you caused by this one fateful encounter. they feign cordiality, but the side eyes they give each other when you’re looking away tells everything about them. blythe and emory have a natural grudge against each other being from the same department, their different ideology about how they should approach their education strikes a lot of disagreements, and of course, passive-aggressive comments. violetta firmly believes the two older students don’t deserve you in any capacity, they’d never treat you right! how will you make time to come to her tutoring sessions if you date one of these stupid stem kids, after all?

in all, it’s an all out war. blythe and emory’s unofficial rivalry for your affection began the second you left their sights, while violetta is slandering their name, feeding you silly rumors she’d never believe just so you can stay away from them! blythe would’ve found the artist cute if she wasn’t so controlling, while emory flat out thinks she’s a nuisance. they’d never get along, unless it’s in front of you of course. they love you too much to make you sad.

perhaps once in a blue moon, they’ll cooperate with each other. especially in the case of your safety. they’ll never get along, but you’re clearly better off in a place where they can guarantee your safety, right?

[marshmallowprotection]

Question; do you think Ray would go Danger Mode if we're unhappy at Mint Eye? I love Ray and I know I'd stick around just for him, but honestly your time in Magenta seems so... isolated. You cant even go outside without an escort, and Ray's really the only person you can have an extended chat with face to face. I probably wouldnt bring it up out of guilt but at the same time ive been told I cant lie to save my life, so-

I guess im just kinda curious whether that would be enough for his fears of losing you to take over, even if you reassured him that you genuinely do like him and want to stay?

I genuinely think it depends on what kind of person you are. There are certain people that don't really mind being stuck in that room all the time because they don't care for interactions with other people. It wouldn't really bother me to be locked up in that room since it's something that I'm used to doing, so for me it doesn't really seem like a problem to feel that lonely isolation.

However, in the cases of people that are more like you, there is no doubt in my mind that he is going to be wary of what that could do to you and your opinion of Mint Eye. What if you want to leave? What if you tell him that you want to go to another place because you’re isolated and afraid? What if you say you hate him for bringing you here?

He wants to protect you from the outside world. He brought you here so that he could keep you away from everything that he's afraid of. So, it didn't really occur to him that you would miss anything out there. He wants to make you feel like a true royal in his midst... that’s why you are his prince/ss. That’s why he wants to worship you in a castle.

That's why he tries to overcompensate himself by giving you the most elegant room, the best food, clothes that are perfectly sized, and the like. Anything that's in the realm of possibility that he can get for you without becoming a nuisance, he's already done it.

He goes over these details in a in his diary. There’s so much he time he put into figuring out what makes you tick. He spends a long time trying to figure out how to do all of these things so that it'll be okay when he brings somebody there. The details are immaculate. He didn’t miss a thing and that can be the unnerving part if you look too hard.

He is choosing somebody perfect for him. You’re perfect for him and he can do whatever it takes to placate you. He was all but given the opportunity to choose somebody that he thought was best and that's where this starts to go south. His obsession and paranoia can win in the end if you don’t press the right buttons in this situation and give him a chance. Even if you’ve done it all right, if something goes wrong around you and him, he might not be able to believe you.

For example, in Day 4′s Bad Ending, he assumes that you haven’t been doing chatrooms because 707 manipulated you. He says “you played his game and you were with him when you weren’t talking to me”. He doesn’t stop to listen to anything you say because now he thinks that you’re going to leave him behind forever because you believed 707 and not him. You haven’t even really talked that much to the RFA in this ending. You didn’t try. But, does that matter in his mind?

No.

It doesn’t.

Ray’s paranoia is stronger than his belief in the facts. If he thinks that you’re at risk of being taken away, he becomes forceful and straightforward in his desire for you. He keeps you in your room like its a dollhouse... not a toy box, toys can be broken and thrown away, but a pretty doll on a shelf is meant to be admired by all. He can fix this if you just let him. You can start over again and again and again.

Or, in V Route, BRE1 happens when you don’t engage with Rika and V enough and Rika decides to give you back to Ray as a plaything. You don’t care for V in the same way she does, so she loses interest and assumes Ray will have much better use for you. You are useful, but she’ll figure that how to use that later. In the meantime, Ray whisks you away back to your room as he says he’s excited to spend time with you again. Apart from him telling you about how Suit Saeran wants to meet you...

He comments about the “AI” in distaste, and you try to correct him. That’s about the point in this situation where he becomes upset and angry, why are trying to talk about those people? Is he not good enough? He’s so upset that you want to talk to the RFA and believe in the outside world after the Savior said that there’s no chance of that. He doesn’t know what to do. He just knows he refuses to lose you even if you’re mad at him. He locks you in your room until he has the time to decide how he can fix you.

The closest you get canonically to Ray being okay with thoughts and talk of the outside is around the time you kiss him.

That’s when he’s started to shift away from the cult more and more in the belief that protecting you is more important... even more important than his revenge. But, Rika snuffs out his light after she’s informed by a believer who spotted the two of you. She was already suspicious but that was it for him there. He was destroyed before he could fully listen and try to understand the world and why freedom is more than what he thinks.

So, when it comes down to it, what does it mean when you tell him that you feel a little stir-crazy? It matters how you tell him. If you start talking about how you are overwhelmed with being here and you want to go out, you need to be careful of how you mention it. It wouldn't be as bad if you said that you wanted to walk around the building with him. In fact, it's not like he gets upset when you leave your room and take a little stroll.

You're allowed to do that in the beginning of your time there with your key card. It's not that he doesn't want you to explore or feel safe there, it's that he wants to be there to experience all of these things with you. The selfish part of him wants to see your reaction to everything.

He wants to capture the way you look whenever you see something for the first time. He doesn't want you to be locked away. He wants to let you experience all kinds of things with him. In an Ideal World, he knows that he wouldn't have to be afraid of what could go wrong if somebody bothered you or got into your personal space.

But, because of the circumstance that you're in, it's not the ideal world. It's not a place where he feels things are okay. He brought you here because he thought that he could protect you from the pain and the misery.

So, if you just tell him that you want to wander the building, you can do that. You have the right to do that as a believer. You only needed an escort before you were an official member. So you can walk around and get a lot of things out of your system. The only part that might feel isolating to you is the fact that there's not a lot of people to talk to. The people you can talk to you aren't exactly the cheeriest bunch in the world. That might be the point where you have an issue. That might be the lonely part that bothers you the most. Not the fact that you can leave the room if you want to, but the fact that there's not really people to talk to that feel human.

That would be the problem for him. Even though the people in this place in Mint Eye are safe, he fears losing you to everything and everyone. So, in terms of that, that would definitely be something you would have to look out for. But I feel like that can be easily remedied for the more that you talk to him and help him understand that you don't want to leave his side, you just feel a little isolated. There are ways to make that a little bit better.

But, he's the one who has to figure those out.

His paranoia is really only an issue in the context of something going wrong. As long as things continue to work out smoothly the way that he thinks that they will, he doesn't have any fears. Is there an ideal solution? Not really. That's going to hinge upon your needs and what you're going through.

No matter what happens, you're going to come to a standstill when you have to confront him with the reality of what being trapped here is. There is no way to run away from it because eventually it's going to come up in conversation and you'll have to talk about it. That's going to be the moment where you'll have to figure out what you actually value and what you're willing to do for him. Can you get through to him by saying that this place isn't good for anybody? Hard to say. There's no guarantee that you could do it before a certain somebody would step in and snuff out his light. 

[peapod20001]

I finally finished the playlist!!! 😭

^^^ that’s the link for it btw lol ^^^

It took way more days than it should have but! It’s done and I can finally share it!!!

Under the read more I’m putting how each song fits for their story thing, like why I chose it and stuff. You can just listen to the playlist on its own of course BUT I’d really appreciate if you gave the descriptions a read, I spent a long time on this as I’m sure you’ve noticed 😭 also, it’s fucking LONG so uh!! Rip your dash I’m so sorry 😭

I’ve color coded the song titles so it’ll be easier to tell which song goes with who, Felix is pink and Mason is orange. Some of the songs have to do with both and I’ll color them accordingly :>

Oh and one more thing, some of these songs/descriptions go over abusive relationships, negative thoughts about oneself, misgendering, drug/medication abuse, violence, murder, suicidal thoughts, and sex, so if none of that is really your cup of tea than I suggest you tread lightly!

꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦

Why be normal when I could just be neurodivergent and sad?

1. “Sugarcoat” : Felix is an autistic trans girl, though nobody that knows her knows that. To them she’ll always be the nice young man with all A’s that seemingly everyone gets along with, and that’s all they will ever know if she can help it.

2. “Alien Blues” : Mason is the type to say whatever is on his mind, whether the outcome of that is good...depends. The people that like him like him, and the people that hate him do so with a burning passion. Having ADHD is hard on its own, pair that with issues stemming from bouncing between foster homes that think he’s a nuisance and you’ve got yourself Mason!

AGH HELP IM...FEELING THINGS?!? 💘

3. “Lookin’ for a Love” : He’s seen how love looks before, lovers gazing into each other’s eyes and holding each other close. Oh how he longs for that! Maybe one day he’ll get to experience that too, his only fear is scaring his only chance at love away...

4. “Love is Gross” : She caught a glimpse of him one day, he had this big goofy smile as he made a fool of himself to his friends. He’s so...sparkly, how could she have never seen him before? Or, maybe she had but just didn’t really pay attention until now. Why does she keep staring? He’s so loud...and so himself...does she want to be like him or does she want to be with him?

5. “Someday (The Crush Song) : “I must tell him how I feel! He’s so great and he’s so cute! Yes, I’ll do it today! Actually no, maybe tomorrow, yes! Tomorrow I’ll tell him! Wait no, I have something that day...the day after then! Yes, wait, no-“

6. “Accidental Thoughts” : (this is their first real meeting! Awh!) “He’s so pretty up close...his eyes are purple and beautiful and his skin is so pink and smooth and perfect...he hasn’t told me to shut up yet, that’s a good sign yeah! Maybe he’ll want to be my friend...I really wanna hold his hand... he doesn’t really talk a lot, I don’t want to scare him...”

Where have you been all my life...

7. “Fading / Falling” : They had been friends for some time by now. One day Felix got asked by Mason to be his boyfriend, the answer to that was no...but she’d love to be his girlfriend! Felix didn’t think she could fall any harder, but everything about that sparkly boy makes her look forward to seeing the next morning

8. “Dear Irene” : He’s so happy with her... she’s better than every girl in the movies, really, truly. He can already see the life he’ll live with her, and he’d have it no other way!

9. “We’ll Never Have Sex” : She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t afraid of his love being fake... who could love someone like...her? But the way he talks about her... he says everything on his mind, and everything out of his mouth is so genuine and sweet, and their first kiss leaves her breathless. And he’s never asked or pressured her for more than what she’s comfortable with... how is she so lucky?

10. “Lavender gardens” : They finally went on their first real date, and immediately got lost. They’re trying their best to make light of it all though, Felix talks about what flowers she wants to grow in her hypothetical garden, and Mason can only think about how beautiful her lavender eyes are...

11. “Smitten With You” : (this song has some explicitly stated sex things just FYI lol) Felix REALLY wants to do things with Mason, but she’s just too nervous to ask him... maybe one day she’ll get the courage, but for now all she can do is daydream about it

12. “Heaven” : (this song has implied sex things in some lines, but other than that it’s fine) Bit tmi but they’re finally able to have their intimate moment together like they’ve both dreamed. It’s not what most would consider the best experience, but they’ve got their whole lives to do better. For now though, it’s perfect

13. “She Loves Cats and I Love Her” : He loves her so much, and she loves him, but she’s having trouble loving herself lately. He noticed when those thoughts of hers started, how could he not? He doesn’t understand when she has trouble believing the compliments he gives her, she’s perfect! How could she think otherwise? He notices one day how some other students have begun picking on her, is it because she’s with him? Why should that matter? She doesn’t deserve to be treated that way! Why does her loving him make her less than? And why do people keep taking out their hatred of him on her?

14. “Ugly” : She was late meeting up with him one day, that horrible day, so he went to look for her. He was horrified to find her beaten to a pulp, getting thrown into the bushes by a group of assholes. He was able to chase them off, he probably would have tried fighting them all himself if it weren’t for Felix being hurt there. She was humiliated more than anything, thinking only, “He shouldn’t have seen me like this...” She cried a lot, begging to be taken home, home of course being the abandoned house they’ve made their safe space. He wanted to treat her wounds, but she refused to show him. He could barely get her to open up about what had happened, and he only got more pissed after hearing everything. Without hesitation, he told her, “Just say the word, and I’ll make them regret what they did to you”

“...I want them dead”

Embrace the new you, it’s the true you 🩸

15. “Original Sin” : When she said she wanted them dead, she didn’t entirely mean ACTUALLY dead. Still though, seeing those kids bound and gagged made her heart race. “They deserve this” she thought. The way they looked at her awoke something... dark within her “Theres no reason for them to exist in this world” her mind was already made, they needed to be eliminated. She grabbed the axe Mason prepared for her like second nature, it was lightweight, but she knew she could make it hurt “Let’s see how you like it!!”

16. “Serve With a Smile” : The first time wasn’t entirely planned or executed very well. The next few times however, will be. She spends a decent amount of time over the next couple months planning how to take out others that’ve wronged her and her love. She will make them pay, and if she’s planned well enough, nobody will ever even notice her and Mason were involved at all...

17. “Killer” : Felix had started posting videos online showcasing her creative talents and curated personality. She actually started growing a decent following from it, and it makes her, happy? She really doesn’t care too much about it right now though, what she really looks forward to are the faces of those who thought they could get away with their misdeeds. Oh the shock and fear on their faces give her such ecstasy! She gets excited at the thought of her baby taking those people down, she knows he’ll give them what they deserve

18. “Mr. Happy” : Mason takes on his role in Felix’s schemes with pride, he even tries his best at teaching their newest additions about their lives and their mission! He’s gotten bigger over the last few months too, Felix convinced him to start working out and take “medicine” to help make him stronger. He does this without question, why would he question her? He trusts Felix with his life, and if you’re questioning her intentions then maybe he should make you disappear too...

19. “Vendetta” : It’s been a little over a year since they began this new chapter of their lives together. All of those kids are long gone at this point, and they’ve since shifted their focus to others that are less than good. Things get rocky between them sometimes, Felix is very set on her ideas and Mason keeps trying to do his own thing, but they always make up afterwards!

20. “Psycho Killer” : Felix is so on edge lately, is it from her growing internet popularity or is the stress of killing getting to her? She’s gotten so snippy at Mason too, getting annoyed at him blabbering on and on about seemingly nothing. She’s gotten more brutal with victims too, trying out new torture methods on them. But she still loves Mason... she still loves him...

21. “My Baby” : Mason notices the way his baby talks to him, like she’s annoyed at his existence. She gets on his ass every time he does something wrong, but that’s understandable! Of course she’d be upset, if he slips and they get caught they can’t be together anymore! He’s making excuses for her, he can’t get mad at her, he still loves her. Even when she tells him she has dreams about them both dying he doesn’t get scared, he has thoughts like that too! That just shows you how perfect they are for each other!! How much they love each other!!

THIS IS LOVE, THIS IS LOVE-!

22. “Don’t Mess With Me” : (there’s some sex hinting/mention here) It’s been two years already and Schadenfreude has let fame, fortune, and power get to her head. It’s rare to hear anything genuinely nice come out of her mouth, even more so to see a smile not tainted by manipulation and hate. She’s holding love above Mason’s head, like it’s something he needs to earn. She’s treating him like a tool, “If you do a good job, I’ll give you a reward~” She gives made up reasons for why everyone they kill now has to die, all she cares about is the drug like high she gets from their screams-!

23. “all I want is you” : Mace is so CLINGY and NEEDY. Every thought in his fucking head is about her. Even when she calls him names and gets him pissed, he can’t help but still love her. Even when she hits him he can’t get upset, her punches don’t really do anything. He has to force himself not to hit back, he really could hurt her and he doesn’t want that! There’s no point thinking about how they used to be, all that’ll do is get him pissed, and the only way to let of steam is slashing some poor bastards throat-!

24. “Love” : Three years now, three years of emotions and hurt and death. She’s begun to love hurting Mace too. Is there any shred left of the girl she used to be? The girl he loved? That dark look behind her eyes can’t really be her, can it? “Look how pathetic you are! Are you just that desperate? You want me THAT bad? HAHA-! Really, why don’t you do something helpful for once and MAYBE I’ll think about giving you what you want so fucking bad”

25. “This Is Love” : Mace is starting to yell and pick fights, and he’s looming over her now too. You can tell by the look in his eyes that he wants to hurt her, but it’s taking every fiber of his being not to. He’s clingy, obsessive, possessive. He doesn’t like seeing her around, but he hates seeing her leave. He goes off on his own to take out people he feels are too close to his baby, and Schadenfreude doesn’t seem to have noticed how close he is to boiling over...

26. “Meant to be Yours” : It all comes to a head one night. Mace declares that he knows how to fix all of the problems in their relationship, all he has to do is kill off everyone that took his baby from him! It may be well into the hundreds but he doesn’t care, if it wins her back he’ll kill thousands! Millions! Schadenfreude, obviously, was absolutely gobsmacked by this, “What the hell are you going on about now??” You can see the desperation on his face, “What?? This will FIX us!! If I do this, we can be us again!!” Mace’s body shadows Schadenfreude, she forgot just how, big he is. He moves towards her, “C’mon baby!! I know you still love me... even if you don’t anymore, I’d MAKE you!”

“What...?” She looks, scared. He moves closer, she steps back “What are ya doin’ baby...? I thought you loved me???” She looks for an escape, their “safe space” seems less safe in this moment, “what are you doin’?? You’re MINE!! You think you can just get me to fall for you and then RUN AWAY?!?” She runs when she sees him grab his axe, the same one he’s used to kill so many others, the same one they used to kill those that hurt them so long ago.

She knows this house by heart, she runs to the room with a working lock and shuts herself inside, Mace is already on the other side by the time she backs away. “FELIX-! Felix, baby... c’mon please, open the door please? I’ll be good, I don’t want to fight you...” you can hear the jostling of the knob and the creaking off the door start to get more aggressive, “If you don’t open this door, I’ll just have to fucking break it down!!”

True to his word he tore through the door with his axe like a knife through butter, only to find that... Schadenfreude isn’t there. She was able to squeeze herself through a window to escape, and she’s long gone by now. Mace doesn’t know where her new house is, and he doesn’t know what to do now that she’s gone. She was his EVERYTHING!!! How could she leave him?!? He can’t be alone!!! His emotions are too much to handle on his own...so he ends up taking the life of some poor souls that night to cope...

What have I done...?

27. “No More Shame, No More Fear, No More Dread” : That night was so cold, so...dark. You may not believe it but...it’s like a switch was flipped in her head. She’s horrified as she remembers all that she’s done...to herself... to others... to.....her love...! She weeps to herself, how could she have let herself get this bad? What happened?? She can’t blame anyone but herself, not the “man” claiming her only purpose was to cleanse the world, and she definitely can’t blame Mason. He may have tried to...kill her but, that’s only because she pushed him to that point... she’s made up her mind, she needs to make things right again

28. “Chamber of Reflection” : Felix and Mason haven’t seen each other for some time now. After their last fight, Felix has decided that they...needed to spend some time apart. She finally calls him one night and explains what they have to do now. She was a bit scared about making that call, what if he’s more angry than she left him? She was startled to find, however, that Mason was sad, and depressed more than anything. The “medicine” she had been giving him for so long were actually steroids, and suddenly going cold turkey left Mason with severe depression, amplified by being left alone...

29. “It’s Alright” : Mason is crying apologies over the phone, he feels terrible about everything he did! He tells her he’s a monster, he tells her he doesn’t want to wake up in the morning...

Felix shuts that down fast. She explains how he didn’t know what he was doing, he wasn’t himself, that everything bad he did was only brought on by her own selfish actions. It takes some time but, she’s finally able to convince him that there’s still good in him, and that they’ll both be able to become better

30. “Little Words” : It’s time for them to hang up, but Mason begs Felix to stay on. He whimpers over the speaker that he can’t make it by himself...he can’t live without her. She gets choked up, she can’t believe she’s hurt him so bad that he feels he needs her to live. She’s silent for a moment, then she asks if he’d like her to sing him to sleep? She never thought of herself as having a beautiful voice, but he loved hearing her sing anyways. He desperately wanted to hear her voice, he pressed his face against the speaker as close as the world would let him, and she tried her hardest not to let the tears in her eyes be heard through her singing.

Sometimes, it has to get worse before it can get better

31. “Heavy” : They were together for so long, not having him around hurts so bad. She knows this is what they need, though, they need to reflect and become better. That doesn’t make this separation any easier though...

32. “Mea Culpa” & 33. “For the First Time” : Mason is getting better, his thoughts are becoming his own again. He often thinks about how bad he was to Felix. He wants to get better for her! He will get better for her! He’s trying not to be so clingy, bad old habits are hard to break, you know how it is. She’s doing a good job at following through with their separation at least.

34. “Love Song” : They’ve started talking on the phone again, and things are going well! Their conversations aren’t about anything in particular, Mason goes on and on about whatever he’s interested in and Felix listens intently, it’s just like how they used to be

35. “Dead Girl Walking” : (The actual song stats at 1:05) Felix suddenly remembers, “OH SHIT. I LEFT NICK AND NEEDY” unsurprisingly, shit went down while she was gone. Needy is dead at the bottom of a flight of stairs and Nick is nowhere to be found. She rushes home and calls Mason, they need to disappear before Nick rats them out! (That’s what she thinks Nick would do anyway) While trying to plan out what to do, Felix realizes something. If they’re going to get caught anyways, why not just spend their last days together...? There’s no need to convince Mason, he’s already on his way! They’re excited to see each other in person again, to hold each other, to breathe each other again. They notice how the other had changed, longer hair, some weight gain between them both, they look happy! They’re on each other like nothing bad had ever transpired between them, and they’re able to say the first genuine I love you’s in a long time.

36. “Baby You’re Out” : While in his arms, Felix talks about all she regrets, she still feels so awful over everything. Mason is able to convince her about the silver lining of it all

37. “Turn and Go” : Felix decided what she needs to do, she’ll leave all the fame behind so she can spend time with her love! She’s only further convinced this is the right decision when the reaction to her departure is so negative

38. “Go Easy” : Mason is worried for Felix, he’s scared that the world may be too hard on his baby, or that she may be too hard on herself. He makes up his mind that he’ll protect her from all the negativity the world may throw at her, in a reasonable non-murder way of course

Let’s live happy now 💕

39. “My Pug” : To say Felix is absolutely in love would be an understatement. She missed this, she missed having him by her side, and she missed holding him close. She doesn’t need anything special or expensive, all she needs is her happy darling

40. “Side / Side” : Mason loves Felix so dearly, from the moment they first laid eyes on each other in school, to the moment they die. They’ll never be without each other again, they’ll never be alone in this world again

[im-about-to-lose-it-i-am-done]

God knowing that life always goes on without you sucks. You want to be a part of the lives of the people you care about so bad but the moment you remember that they don’t need you you just slowly drift away because it’s better for them if you’re gone. But like it’s not but you know you deserve it you always deserve what happens to you you deserve everything everyone did to yoh you’re a fucking monster. But I’m not I’m just a kid and my brain won’t stop telling me that. I hate the world. I hate this life I’ve been given because all it does is hurt and take until I have nothing left to give. It’s like splaying your organs out for the world to see and watching people pick at them and steal them one by one for their own entertainment. It’s sickening.

Nobody needs me. Nobody would remember in a few months if I died right now, even if they say otherwise. I desperately want reassurance, but that’s impossible when I know that the voice is right. It’s the only thing that tells me the truth any more. Nobody needs you. Not a single soul needs you like you will need them. It’s better for them if you leave. You deserve to be alone. Of course you do. You always have. You’re a fool to think otherwise. Might write another Ultrakill vent fic about this one. My insecurities are so v2 coded. I could be left as a splatter of blood and an arm and nobody would weep. They would cry, but not a soul would truly mourn me. They’d do it because their brains make them but deep down they never cared. Nobody ever cared. I am equivalent to nothing. The world is beautiful, and yet I am the filth that stains its pristine image. I am nothing but a stain in this wonderful world that needs to be cleaned. Wiped away. Scrubbed until there is nothing left.

That’s how this should end. That’s how this always should’ve ended. Alone. Afraid. And dead. It’s the best outcome for something like me. So torn between human and puppet. When people finally stop playing puppeteer, your brain takes up the spot. Making you dance and dance and no matter how much you want to be free. You are never free. You cannot cut your own strings. You are a prisoner to this life. You’re a child. You’re a human being. You are fitlh. You are useless. Which one is it? I don’t understand.

Why did they do this to me? If there is a god why would he hurt me like this again and again? There’s no use in trying to pray to something to save you when you are clearly unnecessary and a nuisance to the world. I should be forgotten. I just wish I could leave behind a better legacy.

Why am I talking like im going to die? I don’t want to kill myself. I just want to rot. Rot away until the worms get their meal and the flowers grow around a skeleton and an animal can take the bones away. That would be a beautiful death. Crimson red staining nature. Painting the world a beautiful red as my final message. My last cry, screaming that I was here and I will not take this. The earth can have me but no matter how temporary my own body will forever stain this wretched world red. Red like the pain and anger I’ve endured. Red like the color of me. Red like none other. And then I’d get to be free.

I don’t want to die. But it’s a fun thing to imagine, wouldn’t you agree?

Who am I kidding. Nobody will see this. I am simply screaming to the void. Begging for mercy that will not come.

I wish I could rest.

[freehim]

I'm too big of a mess in my heart to tell them how i truly feel

I'm so scared of telling them that whenever they make it a point to censor something r-18 because haha you're a minor, yes I am a minor but you know me well enough it's just sex. It's something that I know very well for a teenager. You don't have to make me the butt of the joke every single fucking time.

Because I feel bad. Everytime you second guess your words because I'm there. It's not fair. I just want to be treated like one of you guys. Like an adult. No matter how childish I act.

Everytime you change your words,it makes me feel awkward. It makes me feel ashamed for being alive. That because I exist,you get to make a fucking joke out of me. It makes me feel ashamed for thinking I was good enough to hang out with people. That Im actually not invited to join anything I was just...some uninvited rando that no one actually liked but wasnt willing to say no to. I really thought I was a friend.

I wish I was 11 again. When people online thought I was an adult because of how mature my words and thinking were. If I never said my age, people would've acted normal. Like they wanted me around and that I belonged. Instead of treating me like a fucking nuisance for showing up to something I wanted to be apart of. That you gracefully dangled in my face.

I hate how Twitter changed me at 12. It made me scared of adults. For making friends because I wasn't old enough. Because they think I'm not mature enough. Because I'm not good enough to be in anybody's company. Because I'm not good enough. Now everytime an underhanded comment comes from any older person I enjoy being around comes my way,it hurts. It goes straight into my heart. Because it reminds me too much of the times all my old adult friends left me because I was a fucking child. Because I wasn't mature enough. Because everyone wanted to show off how cool they were for putting an adult in jail.

All I wanted was for people to want me around unconditionally. Like people actually liked me. Like they wanted me to stay and not make fun of me for issues I don't know how to deal with and too scared to ask for help.

I'm afraid of being hated. I don't want people to hate me. But I don't know how to act anymore. To be alive anymore. I don't know how to ask for help because I never needed any until now. But everything is so scary.

I just wanna bury myself into the dirt and disappear with my conscience. Maybe then I'll know some sort of peace.

[bubsub69]

Entry 1

entries 1-13 were written pre-tumblr

12/05/2023 4:08

4am what better time to start a diary, who knew waking up for 9am classes and then at noon on the next day and then 9am etc could fuck up your sleep schedule.

But yeah… why start a secret encrypted diary now? the first one i've ever made? idk, im just tired and afraid and sick of being lonely and touch starved and all the other stuff

Definetely didnt help to scroll through r/niceguys and seeing the I'm 21 kissless virgin that was bullied and ignored by girls that isnt sexist and racist and doesnt do drugs and thinking wow its literally me and then it being followed by females owe me sex the post: https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/comments/12n0m5q/ngvc_im_not_a_sexist_but_females_owe_me_sex/

cause you know… what if i become like this, what if i become an even bigger nuisance than i already am and/or fuck up my chances of ever finding someone, it's especially worrysome that i felt bad for some of the guys, you know simpathizing with the kind of people that call women whores for not wanting the nice guy, cant believe i went to the subreddit because of the omoriboy soy parody (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahPdX90_6jg).

And then there's the someone i found ish just gonna call her D She replied to my post on the femdompersonals subreddit and it was pretty close to love at first sight, but probably very one sided, i mean shit she was now moving from the us to porto what better luck could i want. But she's been very busy, especially with the moving, it took from her texting me on the 26 of april to the 7th of may just to have a 1 hour call.

And boy that call was something, i literally think it was the only time i was genuinely happy in like.. i dunno a month? a year? more? i couldnt even sleep that night, i really needed that call cause i thought she was just fucking with me at that point, you know pretending to be interested and catfishing me for something but no i got a 1 hour call and she even showed me her face at the end, i was kinda expecting something sexual but no it was just getting to know each other which is fine for a first call, she's a really cool and interesting girl, i did think it was weird she just went to walk her dog mid conversation but i guess its something that cant wait, it probably had to pee as well.. maybe it was actually nice of her not to hang up on the call while she was walking the dog.

But yeah i'm kind of back at square one, shes not busy with moving but she has a million hobbies apparenly that she balances with her work and learning a new language and all that stuff, shes had a non specified workshop and a ceramics class as excuses which.. yeah im doubting if shes actually doing, i even commented wow you have a lot of hobbies which i was scared of doing cause i didnt want to imply shes lying even if i have the gut feeling she is, and it makes me feel awful to not trust her, but honestly i think i'd be fine with all that if she just put some initiative in texting, literally the only time she texted first was for a link to a game that she didnt even comment on, really makes ya wonder is she doing some 'woman games™' or just fucking with me or just seeing how far she can push me.. fuck i am becoming an incel, cause you know its the classic i have a life outside of you, you cant just expect me to make time for you everyday but fuck maybe the first call was a bad ideia cause now i just crave more, i seriously think theres some potential here but not if she doesnt have time for me, which im obviously not entitled to but ofc i still want it.

im just so scared of texting her, if i do it too often i might annoy her, if i dont do it enough she might forget about me.. i dont even know whats worse, i tried texting every other day but that also seems like too much, i dunno do i just wait for her to text me and make a call appoinment, it also kind of doesnt help i dont even know her name or age, granted she doesnt know my name either but yeah its another layer of anonymity that i want to get rid of, maybe i should try on the weekend, its when we had the call and she might have time, we'll see

She did kind of mention meeting up one day, dont know if she was just being nice of something, but i just wish i knew how she feels about me, or just get some advice with texting her, i dont want to be disingenuous either and write what someone else tells me to, how do i balance being needy and not annoying.

and theres also the voice.. i'm honestly starting to worry im losing control to the self degrading voice i have inside me, that thing is real mean, its whats making me distrust her and shit, i even thought i 'defeated' it with the call but it just came back same as before. The youre useless and an annoyance and all those thoughts are kind of starting to worry me a bit, especially since the suicide thoughts are becoming a bit too common, im still far from it, im too scared to do it, but the first step of commiting suicide is having the reason to do it, and i also think im kind of becoming a psycopath, not in the edgy way its just ive become so apathetic lately, the 'mom would be sad' strategy doesnt work at all cause im so sick of her, between being annoying and not trusting me and being dumb and the shit she did to my cousin and kind of being blamed cause shes getting unknown disease cause of stress, ive kind of grown to hate her a bit i did cry a bit when i got my cousin's graduation ribbon (its a thing here, you write shit like good job and good luck), reading the only ribbon that i got that wasnt just generic garbage made me tear up a bit, not immediately just when i got home, and it didnt help when she hugged me and said if you ever leave pls take me with you, so yeah maybe im not apathetic i just hate my mother

There's also my cat, im kind of getting… idk sick of him too angry, it just feels like he doesnt like me sometimes, which is absurd he comes to greet me and only me when i arrive and hes actually been sleeping a bit with me tonight and yesterday, but the biting when i pet him is really annoying.. what am i saying its just cat stuff its normal. I am feeling kinda weird when i pet him and think damn i wish i was the one being petted (not by him ofc), you know just lying on girls lap and being petted, r/cuddle_slut really made me realize how fucking touch starved i am.

Or maybe i should just move on from her.. maybe she doesnt want that kind of relationship, i really dont want to start talking to someone else while im talking with her tough, feels real scummy, i kind of did that with someone on skype, i had a couple of sessions with her but she kind of stopped texting me as i was talking to D which was lucky, but in those sessions i had full video on and she didnt even use her voice so i guess its kind of fair, she was also the one that took the initiative texting so who knows maybe shes doing what im planning on doing, letting her text first which didnt really work out for her cause i didnt and now our last message is from the 28th. typing this really discouraged me from the let her text first and see what happens strategy, i guess ill settle for trying on the weekend tough this saturday i have the ribbon party so hopefully i have time and energy to call her

Maybe ill just try some keyholding, just to do something sexual that isnt just showing my junk and locking it or putting my finger in my ass for the skype girl, but the problem with keyholding is that it might take some time.. what if while im locked D wants to do something and i reveal i've been """unfaithfull""" i think im gonna wait a bit more for her i really want things to work out with her she just seems like a really cool person but im worried im too much of a loser for her, the very busy woman who managed commitees has a million hobbies and her boyfriend who's a stay at home gamer

I guess that's it for first entry, hopefully when I'm rereading this im in a better state, or maybe im showing this to my therapist or hey maybe even D or whatever her name is, overall not bad for a first diary entry i think, i got to rant a bit even if it was just on a keyboard, i think im gonna start writing here a bit, some non sad stuff as well hopefully

maybe ill dump this on some ai text and see what happens (garbage pretty much)

See you on entry 2 i guess.

PS wow its 5:15 was not expecting to spend an hour writing this