#it sucks here. I hope the fucking housing market crashes !!!!!!!!!!! but it won’t

[angel-derangement]

Where in Aus are you thinking of buying where 100k deposit is enough 😭 or is that more of a contribute to other savings situation lol. I'm looking at 2 bedroom Apartments for 700k 😐

It’d be a contribution since I’m currently doing the first home super saver scheme. Also for your first house you don’t need a 20% deposit necessarily, though u do need to be able to make the payments so 😬 not great. Also there’s no fucking way I’m affording a house within five years so it was kind of a random number. I think in reality I’d just put the whole $250k in etfs. maybe go on a little holiday.

[queenshelby]

The Singer – Part Four

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Words: 2,483

Warning: Smut, Semi Public Sex

 ***The Interview***

It’s been three weeks since Kurt’s stunt and things between you and Cillian couldn’t have been better. Whilst you struggled with comments from the press and the public initially, calling you a home wrecker and making an issue out of the age gap between you, it brought you and Cillian closer together and he even defended your relationship in a recent interview.

Whilst you still hadn’t talked about what you were and where you were at, it was clear to you that you were officially dating. But no one really took you seriously. You were seen as Cillian’s midlife crisis.

Cillian cared very little about the press, ignoring the bad rumours and assuring you that none of this mattered.

He was right. It didn’t matter. People were still buying your new album which, under contract, was unfortunately being produced by Kurt. Under the same contract, you were also obliged to engage in interviews and promotional events.

Whilst you were very eager to simply break your contract, Cillian reasoned with you. He was sensible and you were impulsive.

He assured you that breaking the contract would simply mean more bad press and you engaged Cillian’s agent to help you with media engagements. He seemed to take a sensible approach and asked interviewers to not ask you any personal questions.

But this didn’t always work out, especially when you had an interview scheduled with a London based program whose interviewer just loved to get under your skin.  

This interviewer managed to ask you about your alleged affair by referring to some lyrics of one of your songs.

‘Look, my private life is private and I will not discuss my relationship on this show. But what I can assure you is that there was no affair. We both had separated from our partners when we got involved with each other. The song you are referring to was written over a year ago and doesn’t reflect any of my personal experiences. It was written for a movie and just like the movie, it’s fictional’ you explained in response of the interviewer’s intrusive question.

‘There are many other songs you’ve written which come to mind indicating that you do in fact prefer to be with men who are older than you. These songs were all well received but your relationship is not. How do you feel about this?’ the interviewer than asked, not giving up.

‘Again, the songs are fictional, but my private life is not. That might be the issue. It’s all good if it’s fictional but as soon as it’s not, people get curious. Perhaps there is a lack of understanding surrounding relationships that aren’t the norm. Maybe people’s perceptions will change over time. I certainly hope so. After all, there are so many relationships in the history of the world where people have large age gaps and I believe that every adult has the right to date whoever they want without being criticised about it’ you explained before taking a short pause. ‘Anyway, I would prefer if we could chat about my music now rather than my private life. That’s why I am here’ you said bluntly.

The interviewer finally backed off after your request and your agent had already called in, putting the producers of the show into their place.

Cillian had also listened to the interview and texted you, making sure that you were alright and telling you that he thought that your response was well placed.

Kurt, on the other hand, was once again annoyed with you and sent you a rude text message shortly after the interview and he couldn’t help but try to get under your and Cillian’s skin.

***The Function***

Later that day, the studio was hosting a release party to celebrate your new album which Kurt had organised at the theatre complex function rooms.

It was a beautiful venue but you knew that Kurt would be attending which could end up being a complete nightmare.

This was also the first official event which you were attending together with Cillian and you raised the question whether this meant that you are his girlfriend now.

‘I suppose….I don’t know…do you want me to be your boyfriend?’ Cillian chuckled as he buttoned up his shirt.

‘I would love you to be my boyfriend’ you giggled before giving him a kiss and asking him to zip up your dress.

‘Well, I suppose I am officially off the market again then’ Cillian chuckled before returning the kiss, which was also when you heard the taxi pull up in front of his house.

Your agent has taken the liberty to invite several producers to the party, much to the dislike of Kurt. Kurt was even more irritated when you finally arrived, together with Cillian who was holding your hand.

‘Y/N…Cillian’ Kurt said greeting you both, wanting to shake Cillian’s hand but all he got in return was Cillian raising his eyebrow.

‘Kurt’ you responded with an almost evil grin on your face and just before Kurt leaned in and kissed you on the cheek.

You didn’t stay to talk to him and it wasn’t long until you were inundated by other producers, wanting to talk to you.

‘I told you, she can be a real slut’ Kurt said to Cillian as Cillian gave you some space to mingle, unbothered by the attention you were receiving by several of the producers your agent had invited.

‘And you wonder why she left you?’ Cillian chuckled, thinking that Kurt is an absolute douche.

‘You know she sucked my cock just before I signed her’ Kurt said with a smug face and it was obvious to Cillian that he had been taking some coke again.

‘Nice talk’ Cillian laughed before walking away, getting himself a drink and talking to some of the other artists.

After about thirty minutes you sought out Cillian who was standing next to the buffet talking to two female artists and you decided to give him the same space he had given you. Jealousy wasn’t your thing and you knew there was no need for it.

Eventually, however, you received a text message from him which said nothing but ‘HELP’, making you giggle. He obviously didn’t enjoy himself talking to these women and was being polite, hanging out with them and engaging into some small talk.

Just as you were going to get Cillian away, Kurt approached you.

‘Found a new producer yet?’ he asked and you responded with a quick ‘maybe’.

‘You won’t get the same sweet deal you had with me Love…’ Kurt went on to say, causing you to laugh.

‘You remember that night in the record studio together?’ he asked sheepishly.

‘Yes, I do. You lasted a total of ten minutes which was quite something Kurt’ you chuckled.

‘And I bet these were the best ten minutes of your life’ Kurt said just as Cillian approached you, listening into the conversation and taking in a deep breath.

‘Would you please give us a minute’ Cillian asked somewhat angrily.

‘I will…because my date is here’ Kurt said sheepishly.

‘What, did you hire an escort?’ Cillian asked, looking over to the woman Kurt pointed at.

‘She’s a model’ Kurt explained, not realising that Cillian was being sarcastic.

‘Of course she is’ Cillian chuckled before saying bye to him and this is when you broke out laughing.

‘He’s got the IQ of an ape’ Cillian huffed as Kurt walked away, shaking his head in disbelieve.

‘You are being so polite sweetheart’ you giggled.

‘I am sorry, but he just makes me fucking angry. You know what he said earlier?’ Cillian said but, before he could tell you, you crashed his lips onto yours.

‘Are you angry?’ you asked as your lips drifted apart.

‘At Kurt? Yes’ Cillian said.

‘Good. Come with me’ you winked as you pulled him away from the function.

Without questions, Cillian followed you upstairs where the offices of the producers were located.

‘I saw you talking to these women earlier…tell me about them’ you said as you led Cillian towards the back of the office area.

‘Sorry Y/N, I don’t know much about them, they just…’ Cillian said but, before he could finish his sentence, you interrupted him with a passionate kiss in front of the door leading to Kurt’s office.

‘Don’t apologise, just tell me. I think there is nothing more sexy than seeing other women want what I have’ you smirked, your hand moving to his crotch.

‘Seriously?’ Cillian asked, causing you to nod and bite your lips suggestively.

‘Well, unlike you, I don’t like seeing other men want what is mine now, especially not this smug bastard’ Cillian said before pressing his lips back onto yours for an urgent kiss.

‘Please tell me this makes you angry’ you giggled as you pulled a white card out of your handbag.

‘Of course it makes me angry and, if I wouldn’t be so fucking complacent, I would punch him’ Cillian chuckled just as he watched you swipe the card through the black machine on Kurt’s office door before putting in the PIN on the security keyboard.

‘I’ve got a better idea’ you smirked as you pulled Cillian into Kurt’s office.

‘What are you doing?’ Cillian asked and all you did in response was looking over to Kurt’s study desk.

Cillian’s eyes lid up and, before you knew it, you felt your lower back pushed against the desk while Cillian lifted up your dress and pushed aside your panties.

‘You are so wet’ Cillian growled with excitement as, without warning, he pushed two of his fingers deep inside you, causing you to moan loudly. He was so aroused and rock hard, ready to take you, but he wanted to play with you first.

‘You do this to me Cillian’ you moaned, throwing your head back and taking in the sensation of his fingers deep inside your tight entrance.

Cillian continued to slide his fingers back and forth within your wet folds, hearing you moan and gasp at the sensation. He then slipped his middle finger inside you. You cried in pleasure. He loved pleasing you like this and started to thrust his fingers inside you faster and faster, watching your body pulsate with his movements.

He hit your g-spot over and over again and you knew what this meant. He was doing this on purpose, making sure to mark what is his and, in the process of it, possibly also mark the carpet in Kurt’s office if he kept going like this.

‘Oh god Cillian’ you cried, your eyes closed as he was manoeuvring his fingers tilted up to get the pleasure spot over and over again until your legs began to shake.

‘You like that?’ Cillian asked softly as he continued thrusting his finger into you and you barely managed to nod.

You fluttered your eyes open and looked at him as he confidently smiled at you. His unabashed confidence was turning you on even more. He knew that no one else ever made you cum like this.

As he continued to finger you, sending waves of pleasure over your body, you could feel yourself getting close to your orgasm and just as you were about to scream in pleasure, Cillian pushed his other hand over your mouth firmly as you came over his fingers, a wet puddle immediately forming on the office floor.

While your head was still spinning and without allowing you to come down from your high, Cillian spun you around and pushed you down against the cold oak table.

He certainly was angry and you loved every moment of it.

With one swift movement, he lifted up your dress again and pushed down your panties.

‘Spread your legs’ he instructed and you obliged, hearing his belt unbuckle and the zipper of his jeans opening.

‘That’s good’ he said as he was positioning his cock directly at your entrance, ready to push in.

Your heart started pounding with excitement and with one hard and powerful thrust and one loud groan Cillian buried himself deep inside you.

You shrieked at the sensation as he immediately and forcefully bottomed out inside of you. It took your breath away and he gave you no chance to adjust as he began to thrust in and out of you.

‘You are all mine’ Cillian moaned as he hit your cervix with the tip of his cock for what felt like the hundred’s time.

‘I am yours Cillian, oh god yes, fuck me hard’ you moaned.

Cillian grunted with each thrust, getting more aroused by the second as he was taking you over Kurt’s desk.

Each thrust was igniting a fire in you. It felt so good and you cried at the inexplicable pleasure consuming you, calling Cillian’s name multiple times.

Cillian was grabbing your thighs, prying them apart, and opening you up to him even more. He thrusted deeper and harder into you in this position.

You cried, your nails digging into the wood of Kurt’s desk while your pussy clapped against Cillian with each thrust.

‘I am coming Cillian, fuck’ you moaned and just, like that, another loud moan escaped you and your orgasm washed over you, your legs quivering and shaking as a result.

Cillian exhaled and groaned loudly, leaning in and filling you with his warm cum at the same time. You felt yourself fill up with his seed, exhaling at the sensation. He stayed inside you for a minute, then slowly pulled out. He watched his cum flow out of your opening ecstatically, running down your thighs.

You then turned around and grabbed one of the tissues from Kurt’s desk, wiping your legs clean before throwing the tissue into the bin.

His desk was covered with some of your sweat and juiced and Cillian looked at your flushed, glistening, beautiful face as you were still panting and kissed you softly on the lips.

‘Should we clean this up?’ Cillian chuckled as he closed up his belt.

‘Oh god no’ you smirked before collecting a good amount of Cillian’s cum that had pooled inside you and then licking your finger suggestively before pulling your panties back up.

‘Let’s get back to the party and say goodbye, shall we?’ you giggled.

Cillian followed you and the first person you chose to say goodbye to was Kurt, which surprised Cillian.

Giving Kurt a big kiss on his cheek, you wished him a pleasant evening and Cillian’s chin dropped immediately.

He couldn’t help it but laugh, shake Kurt’s hand, with the same hand that had pleasured you just minutes earlier, and wish him a pleasant night also.

‘You are so fucking bad, you know that?’ Cillian laughed later in the taxi on your way home.

‘He deserved it’ you giggled.

   Tag List (Cillian):

@lilymurphy03  @deefigs @theflamecrystal   @desperate-and-broken  @weepingstudentfishhorse   @livinginfantaxy  @rosey1981  @atomicsoulcollecto  @peakyboyslover  @nerdy4itall  @elenavampire21  @hanster1998  @mariapaiva13  @fairypitou  @harry-is-my-sunflower  @zozeebo  @lauren-raines-x @kasaikawa  @littlewierdalien  @sad-huffle-nerd  @theflamecrystal   @peakymalfoyscullymulder  @themissthang  @0ghostwriter0  @stylescanbeatmyback  @1-800-peakyblinders @datewithgianni  @momoneymolife  @ntmynouis @lilymurphy03  @mcntsee​@cloudofdisney​ @missymurphy1985​​ @peakymalfoyscullymulder  @otterly-fey janelongxox  @uchihacumdump

Cannot Tag (please check your settings):

@l0tsofpennies @margoo0 @trolleydolly @avonlady1985 @chrisevanshoeee  @daydreamingnymph  @fookingshelby   @chocolatehalo

[alreadyblondenow]

And he never heard from her again

▸ Jaehyun x reader ▸ Smut, Angst, Idol au

Summary: As you lay at the hospital bed unconscious, Jaehyun blames himself because of the accident and regrets the time when he took you for granted.

Word count: 4k

Warnings: Sex, sex, car accident, major character loss (that spoils everything but you’ve been warned), possessiveness, making of sex tape, mentions of multiple sex tapes, swearing, mentions of other idols, unprotected sex, mentions of alcohol, Jaehyun accidentally hurts the reader. Click away if any of the warnings makes you uncomfortable.  

A/N: PURE FICTION! Enjoy another idol au from me. 

Wet.

Minty.

Cold.

“Wake up sleepy head” your boyfriend spreads wet kisses around your exposed skin. Anything he could reach, your neck, your thighs, your lips. It feels good to be showered with love first thing in the morning but you shrug him off and pull the blanket over your head because you want to sleep more. “I’m sorry to disturb your sleep princess, but it’s time to go now” you smell his fresh breath near your face. And when you finally meet his eyes, your boyfriend is all dressed up, ready to start his schedules for today.

“Oh Jung Jaehyun, you have worn me out last night” you whine but you force yourself to wake up. Jaehyun is looking at your morning face and naked body, admiring the beauty of his girlfriend. “No shower sex today?” he gave you a good morning kiss and chuckled at your question.

“No, sleeping beauty. If only you got up a little early then, yeah we could have. But, you were sleeping so soundly I couldn’t wake you up. Now come on, have breakfast with me before the van arrives with my manager” he offers you his hand to help you get up, giving you his robe to cover yourself.

It was your second anniversary last night and you two had dinner in one of the fanciest restaurants in Seoul. The food was amazing as expected, Jaehyun picked a fine wine which made you two a little buzzed and ended up in his house and had crazy anniversary sex to end the night.

Dating a very famous kpop star like Jaehyun is not a walk in the park. But loving each other and giving the relationship a chance is always worth it. The busy schedule is something you and Jaehyun always fight about, but as you two keep on holding on you both managed your busy schedules and always meet each other halfway just so you can spend time with each other. Who would have thought that believing that your relationship could work brought you two deeper into loving each other?

After you had your shower, Jaehyun booked you a cab to make sure you get home safely. You see, even for Jaehyun, watching you leave every morning is something he really hates. “Call me when you’re home okay? I’ll pick up, I’m having my makeup done by that time” he kissed you deeply and passionately before he opens the door for you and watches you get inside the cab.

Soon, the white van appears in front of his house and Jaehyun said goodbye to his family thanking them once again for letting you and him crash for the night. His family always adored you, they love you even more because you take care of their dear Jaehyun and secretly hoping that it’s going to be the two of you in the end.

When Jaehyun is all settled and getting his make up done for NCT’s schedule for today, his phone rang and it was a call from you. Finally, he thought, his mood changed from quiet to giggly because you did not forget to call him. “I’m guessing you missed me already, that’s why you called?” he answers with a smile, the members beside him tease him continuously. He needed to gesture a ’shh’ sign because he can’t hear you.

“I’m sorry Mr. Jung but this is not Ms. Y/n. She got into a car accident this morning and we can’t reach anyone from her family. She is rushed to the Asan Medical Center. Your number is the only local number we could find if you could please-“

The shocking news made Jaehyun drop his phone and ran to his manager, asking him to please let him go to the hospital to see you. Jaehyun was desperate but the managers can’t let him go just like that. Spotting a kpop star inside a hospital can make a whole nation buzz, of course, they won’t let Jaehyun go to you. There are tears in his eyes as he imagines you alone and unconscious in a hospital bed while the members are trying to help him compose himself and tells him to be strong but Jaehyun was only quick to blame himself and cry some more. “This is all my fault”  

Twenty five months ago

Jung Jaehyun is mighty handsome.

The office is having an exclusive party at an open space rooftop bar. The party was not like any loud party, it's a party where people still talk about business and meet possible clients for the future. And meeting Jung Jaehyun and the other members of NCT 127 and their manager, is part of the purpose of this party.

And again, Jung Jaehyun is might handsome.

“How long have you been in the marketing industry?” he asks, leaning on the glass balcony with you. Looking at the wonderful view of Seoul.

“Long enough to be established?” you chuckled because you don’t want to sound so boastful with your life achievements.

For a minute it was an exchange of words, a decent conversation that’s in between being professional and being friends, but it soon turned to lowkey flirting and exchanging of glances. He tells you what’s on his mind, you listen and feel your heart skip a beat every time he look into your eyes and smile. “Can I be frank?” he licks his lips and drank from his bottle of beer, “I find you attractive and I want to keep talking to you and I want to know what you think about me- and don’t you dare lie, please”

You let out a scoff and smiled at him shyly, “Well, Jung Jaehyun you’re incredibly handsome. That has been going on through my head since I saw you earlier and you’ve been making my heart skip a beat for the last few minutes”

Satisfied with your answer, he came closer to you slowly. Like your bodies are magnets. You’re sure that the place isn’t quiet but this small space that you share with Jaehyun is dead silent. Only his breaths and yours are the only ones you can hear. Having this kind of moment with Jaehyun is kind of magical like you’re a princess who just met his destined prince in a ball.

The friendly and flirty conversation became something even more when Jaehyun became too bold with telling you how he wanted to end this night with you, when he pressed his cold bottle of beer just above your knee and when he starts caressing your shoulder like he’s not on a public place. You’re not stupid to see that he’s after having a one night stand with you. One thing led to another and the next thing you know is you’re back at your apartment, kissing Jaehyun on your couch with a long forgotten bottle of wine on the coffee table. It’s not right to sleep with your clients but nobody needs to know.

Jaehyun kissed you down on your couch, unbuttoning his dress shirt and revealing his abs to you. Your hands automatically roamed around his body and you feel him smile in between kissing you passionately. “You’re so handsome” you whisper, and guided his hand under your dress, he got the message and finger fucked you while you remove your clothes and bra, leaving your panties on to tease the handsome man kissing you.

“I’ll take you out on a date, I promise,” he says while unbuckling his belt, removing his pants and boxers brief.

Wow. He’s big. And he has a dick of a porn star, his pubic hair is so sexy and- “Oh-“ he devours your neck, biting and nibbling your ear making you giggle and laugh while your bodies grind on each other. “So this is not a one time thing?” you moan out and he stopped upon hearing your words. “What? No. Let’s see where this goes” his face was so close to yours and you can’t stop your smile because you couldn’t believe you scored Jung Jaehyun. Is this a dream?

“What’s that smile, hmm?” he nuzzles your neck and kisses it softly. You touch his dimples and lips but he’s quick to catch your hand with his mouth and kiss it. “I’m just a person who happens to be not immune by your charms. I’m not kissing you as a kpop star now, I’m kissing you as Jaehyun” he continues to spread kisses around your neck, down to your left boob, and suck it for some time.

“Can I remove your panties?” he asks oh so sweetly.

“Of course” you answer with a kiss and feel him remove your underwear without breaking the kiss. Once fully exposed, you feel his slender fingers play with your slit before he goes in finally, the tip of his cock making you jolt for a bit. You hear Jaehyun grunt and watch as his eyes close and part his lips as he pushes inside you slowly “Fuck” Jaehyun went straight to the point and fucks you deeply. Bodies to bodies while listening to each other’s breaths.  

You had sex for the first time on your couch on the night you two first met.

Present time

“Just sign here please, then your transaction is complete”

For the third time in the past two months, Jaehyun has been paying your hospital bills and has been taking care of you, while your family is finalizing some heavy paperwork before flying to Seoul. Not that he’s thankful for the awful accident, but the accident had become the way for Jaehyun to finally meet your family even if it’s through a video call. Jaehyun promised your parents to take care of everything while waiting for them and that he’ll gladly pay for the hospital bills and refuse to take your parent’s cash.

It’s been two months since the accident and every day without you is consistent torture for Jaehyun. As long as you’re not awake, he will never stop worrying for you. It doesn’t matter if he overworked himself to save money for the bills, as long it saves you he’s up for it.

Ever since the accident, Jaehyun and the other members help him look after you at the hospital. Of course, the members are worried about Jaehyun’s emotional state as they are worried about your condition. They made sure that you two get the emotional and physical support that you and Jaehyun need. SM managers were all nice and helped Jaehyun with everything they can just so your boyfriend can see you every day.  

It was not an easy fight for Jaehyun, but the people around him take care of him, while he takes care of you.

“The other two victims from the accident passed away this morning” Jaehyun informs Johnny as the two sit quietly near you. Watching his girlfriend on a hospital bed is a different kind of pain. He misses you a lot.

“Don’t overthink dude. She will be fine” to be honest Johnny doesn’t know how to comfort his friend.

As Jaehyun takes Johnny’s advice, he reminisces about the memories that he had with you. Everything, from happy memories to sad and awful ones. Regretting the times that he took you for granted and promised over and over again that if he’s given a second chance to love you, he will love you right this time.

“I wished for this accident to happen Johnny. It’s my fault” Jaehyun blurted out.

Johnny was shocked to the core and stopped what he’s doing with his phone, “What the fuck?”

Jaehyun told Johnny the story about the biggest fight you two had during the months when you were just a new couple. So new that your work schedules irritate the both of you and all you two did was have sex and forget the problem. The cycle went on and on until you had enough and you wanted to break up with him.

Five months of being together

In the middle of having dinner with Jaehyun in a private restaurant, you finally told him what you’ve been keeping inside your heart. “This will never work, Jae” he turned silent and pretends that he’s not hearing you and you find it disrespectful. He was smiling the whole time, asking you what do you want for dessert and pour you a glass of wine like there's nothing wrong.

“I’ll cut ties with you starting tonight Jae, and that’s my final decision” you wiped your lip with the table napkin and stand up from your seat.

“Wait- baby, okay I’m sorry” he stopped you from opening the door, pull you in an embrace and everything turned silent again. You still love him, but staying in this relationship is hurting both of you so you had to take the first step and leave. As usual, Jaehyun uses his charms to get away from the situation. He kisses your neck and tells you sweet things that will lead you to having sex with him in this room. But not anymore, you thought.

“Enough Jaehyun. Please stop” you begged him to stop kissing your neck. Slowly, you feel his embrace crushing you and hurting you. You try so hard to push him away but Jaehyun is naturally strong that whatever you do to push him away is nothing.

Eventually, he lets go and tell his sorry. “I’ll change, I swear”

“No-“

“Stop making it complicated!” he punched the door and the loud sound surrounds the small room making you scared of him. He was turning red and his eyes were full of anger like he’s about to hurt you.

“I want to leave-“

“Well, I hope you get into an accident” he opens the door for you, pushing you out of the room because he’s so angry he’s actually afraid he might hurt you.

The breakup did not push through because Jaehyun went to your apartment to ‘fix’ things, three days after the fight. He apologized with all his heart, telling you he’s sorry and that he won't do it again. He promised to change his ways and love you even more in exchange for taking him back to your life and give him a second chance. Apologies are nothing if a person will always do it again. It’s up to you if it’s still healthy to take him back into your life. And of course, you have a weak spot when it comes to Jaehyun. You love the man. And he loves you. He just sucks at showing it.

Now that Jaehyun is on his sixth chance, the change that you’ve been yearning for and the change that he promised is long forgotten. Days, weeks, and months passed by, you and Jaehyun still fight like crazy because of different reasons that piss you both. May it be jealousy, he stood you up on a date, you forgot that he’s going to visit you in your apartment, Jaehyun has no time for you, or you don’t want to have sex but he’s really horny.

“I had a company dinner tonight, baby I thought you understand that part?” you whine in frustration while you remove your watch and your earrings. Listening to Jaehyun as he shouts at you, telling you that he’s tired from practice but he still chose to visit you, only to find out that you’re not home. He kept on yelling his points and arguments, hurting you with words that you’ve heard him say before but still sounds like you’ve just heard them tonight.

“I waited for hours! If my career is ruined because of you, I swear!-“

“I can ruin your career in one click, Jaehyun. Do you want me to post all of our sex videos?” you finally bite back because you can't stand him already.

“Post all you want my fans will be happy seeing my dick but you, you will get all the hate in the world!”

“Fine then!” you threaten him of actually posting it, scrolling through your gallery to find your favorite video with him. “Ah! This!” you picked the video where Jaehyun was spitting on your boobs while two fingers are inside your mouth and his cock is inside you. He was wildly flirting with the camera like a porn star. His fans will not doubt that he is the guy from the video.

“Stop it. I mean it” he tried grabbing your phone but you’re quick to counter his move. For a minute, it became a violent push and pull that made him use his strength on you which is not fair. He threw your phone so hard on the nearest wall that it cracked and the screen got broken. He didn’t notice that he pushed you way too hard that you landed on the floor face first and made you bruise your face.

“Fuck- let's stop this, baby I’m sorry” he let out his frustration.  

“DON'T TOUCH ME! GET OUT!” you shouted so loud that you’re sure you hurt his ears. You slapped him so hard on the face when he came close to help you get up. He took it like a man, but it’s obvious that your slap hurt his pride. Thankfully, he did not pry and left your apartment quietly.

Present time

While Jaehyun was cleaning your face with a damped cloth, he noticed that your bruises are all healed. He remembered that one time when he had pushed you accidentally and you ended up having a cut just above your eyebrow. He also remembered how you slapped him so hard that it made him realize that all he’s ever done to you is hurt you. It was a wake up call for him.

“Slap me again. I don’t care just please wake up” he begs. Kissing your forehead before continuing to clean you up. It has been his routine to talk to you even though he gets nothing. Sometimes he plays you some music so you won't get bored in your sleep and also you would know that he’s inside the room with you. As he continues being like this, he never losses hope and always visit you with a cheerful aura, knowing all too well that being negative in this kind of situation will only make him go crazy.

“Maybe if I did let you break up with me the first time you said it, this wouldn’t happen to you. I’m sorry” he whispers again. Tucking you in your hospital bed and making sure that you won't get cold. He fixed the white sheet and smoothens it before laying beside you carefully.

“I just love you so much” he hugs you carefully, “That’s why I really can’t let you go. But look where my selfishness brought you” tears roll down on his cheeks, making your sleeves wet because of his continues crying.

When Jaehyun became busy with his career, he can’t visit you every day anymore but confident that you’re in good hands because your parents are with you now. Nonetheless, he never forgets to call the doctor to check up on you. Sometimes, he and Taeyong write lyrics in your room just so he can spend time with you while he’s still working on his music. To be honest, he produces great lyrics whenever he works beside you. It was too much for him that sometimes he cries while writing the lyrics and Taeyong is quick to bring him back to focus and comfort him.

First month of being together

The continuous ringing of your doorbell makes you panic for nothing and quickly ran to your door to open it. “Jaehyun, what are you doing here?” you look outside to check if it’s safe and that none of your neighbors is watching.

“I just miss you so much I’m itching to see you” he cupped your cheeks and kissed you passionately, closing your door shut and motioning your bodies straight to your bedroom. You two were quick to get naked and meet in the middle of your bed to kiss and fuck already.

“Can’t believe I’m letting you fuck me in the middle of the afternoon Jaehyun” you lay comfortably in bed as Jaehyun kiss you wherever he wants, however, he pleases. Kneading your boobs and sucking them from time to time, spreading spit all over your body, and licking your pussy. He surprised you by spreading your folds and spitting on your pussy, licking you good, and making you moan and whine.

“Still on the pill?” he asks, pumping his cock and sucking your right nipple as he waits for your answer. You nod your head. Jaehyun folds both of your legs and spread them wide until your hips are not touching the mattress giving Jaehyun a nice angle to fuck you deeply. He pushed in slowly while watching you beneath him, he watches you grab your boobs and moan a little too loud. “I want to do something fun, will you let me?” he asks in between fucking you deep and slow, you wonder what he has in mind.

“Whatever you want” you smile and watch him reach something on the side table. He opens your phone and put it in recording mode, taking a video of his cock going in and out of your pussy, switching the camera to selfie mode, and put it on the side of your bed. Telling you to smile while he continues to fuck you. “Clever,” you said, as you two look at the camera while having sex. You smiled and asked him to flirt with the camera so whenever you watch it, it will make your heart jump and you won't miss him that much when he’s away. And so he did. He flirts in the camera like how he flirts with you normally in bed, kissing you while he looks at the camera, putting his idol skills to good use in bed.

“Turn around for me please” you followed what he asked of you and lay on your stomach. Jaehyun put your phone in front of you and dragged you all the way down to your bed so you two can fit the screen. He puts your ass up in the air, lick your pussy from behind, and went back to fucking you. Jaehyun loves to fuck you hard from behind while his hand is on your nape, pushing your face on the mattress as he pounds you hard.

“FUCK” you cursed loudly when you feel his thumb go inside your asshole slowly, making your pussy clench and unclench. A tight feeling for Jaehyun’s cock which he loves. He lets go after a minute and put his fingers on your clit, making you let go and cum so good that your legs are shaking and your legs are giving on you. You feel Jaehyun slow down and feel him cum inside you, leaning down to kiss you and ask you if you’re alright.

He saved the video and put your phone back on the side table and went back to shower your body with kisses while you two calm down from your high. “Sorry if this is spontaneous” he lays beside you, tired and sweaty.

“It’s okay baby, I miss you too”

“Baby?” he smiled in disbelief.

“Yes,” you rolled your eyes and continue to catch your breath.

“Say it again? Please?” he asked oh so sweetly showing off his dimples. Your weakness.

“Baby-“ he devours your lips again after hearing you call him ‘baby’. A small gesture that makes his heart jump.

“That’s it, okay? We're together now and that’s official. Understand?” he kissed you deeply again before you could even say something else. You smile through the kiss amused at how happy Jaehyun is while he’s on top of you. You two stayed like that in bed talking about anything and everything, admiring each other while you’re skin to skin, asking for kisses here and there, laughing together whenever he tells you something funny.

From the moment Jaehyun left you that day, your life changed and Jaehyun is the reason behind it. Bittersweet. That’s the perfect word for your relationship. No relationship is perfect, you’re well aware of that. And dating a famous idol can be so complicated that it drives you both crazy. But still, it’s a relationship worth saving for because you love each deeply than you could have ever imagined.

Present time  

Waiting is long suffering. That is clear to Jaehyun, now that you’re already sleeping for a year and four months, slowly his hope is already running thin. Not only that he’s suffering emotionally these past few months, but he’s also suffering financially and has become a man full of debts. He loaned money from his company, the bank, even from his parents, just so your hospital bills can be covered. Accepting every kind of project and working from sun up to sun down just so he can provide your needs.

Your parents needed to go back home and entrust you to Jaehyun because they don’t have any other options.

Life is becoming harder than expected.

Now that he’s away for a tour, he became even more depressed because he can’t be by your side. He asked his parents to take care of you while he’s on tour, which they gladly accepted and made sure to call him every day to tell him your condition even though he hears exactly the same thing every day.

“Great job today everyone!”

The members and staffs congratulate each other as they finish another successful concert in the states. Hugs everywhere, and a lot of ‘thank yous’ are said, smiling through the day as Jaehyun ready himself to call his mother and ask about you.

“34 missed calls” he murmurs and went somewhere quiet to call his mother and ask about the 34 missed calls. They should know that he’s working.

“Hey, mom. W-why so many calls? I was doing a show- did she wake up already?” The other line was silent but he can hear his mom breathing, “Hello?” Jaehyun speaks again.

“She gave up son, she passed away, two hours ago”

Jaehyun’s world came crashing down as he reaches for the nearest wall to support himself because his knees gave up on him. Tears pool in his eyes as he cries quietly, holding his phone so tightly. He screamed and sobbed so loud it echoes to the empty hallway. Thankfully Mark saw him and called the others and his manager.

“I didn’t even get to say goodbye!” he yelled and push the other members away as he lets that sadness take him away.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry Y/n, please forgive me!”

[killiansprincss]

We Found Wonderland

Summary: Trapped in the past after the S3 finale, Killian and Emma are forced to fade into the background as a newly married couple in a village while Rumplestilskin works on the portal to send them back to the future. (No Marian) What challenges will they face, after all it’s only pretending to be married after all right? Inspired by Taylor Swift ‘Wonderland’

Due to tumblr word limit I’ve had to post this in 2 parts, find part 1 here

Also on AO3

“It was so lovely to meet you Emma, I love that I finally get to see the woman who keeps Killian on his toes. I hope we can do this again sometime.” Cassian says.

“Good luck with your child, I can see he or she will be brought into a loving house.” Emma tells them as they leave, not even looking in Killians direction.

____

“What the fuck was that all about back there?” Emma practically screams as they enter their home.

“What do you mean love?” Killian asks dumbfounded,

“Don’t play dumb with me Hook. The proposal story.” She uses his moniker, she’s angry with him, she’s pissed off.

“Touching didn’t you think? Really brought a tear to their eyes.” He smirks, he knows he’s winding her up but he doesn’t care.

“You want to know what I think? I think someone’s getting a little too comfortable in this life, you know pretending to be married and all. I think someone is forgetting. We are not actually married! We are not from here, we do not belong here. You’re in love with me but I’m sorry, I don’t feel the same.”

“You want the truth Swan?” Killian said through gritted teeth. “Fine. Yes I am getting comfortable with this life, for once you’re not always yelling at me when I’m trying to help. I won't lie and say I don’t enjoy you flirting with me for once instead of it always being me. And I don’t believe for a second my feelings for you are one sided.”

“What the hell does that mean?” Emma asks, the anger building up inside her.

Killian scoffs. “You know what I mean. When we were getting your parents together, at the ball. You looked at me different that night, like you were seeing a new side to me. You could’ve said something when we danced together over and over, but you didn’t. You got closer and closer to me over those 2 days, and when I rescued you from that blasted prison you acted like we were lovers and they didn’t question it. Ever since we found out we were stuck you’ve only been flirting with me more and more.”

“Because we are technically married. And it’s not flirting. It’s-“ Emma begins.

Killian moves closer, closing the gap between the two. She can practically feel his heartbeat as he looks into her eyes, “it’s what? Because I think you’re trying to ignore that gut feeling that you feel something for me. You don’t want to admit how you truly feel. What I feel. I’m not an idiot, you kissed me back in Neverland for a reason, and you felt something as I did. Bloody hell, I gave up everything for you Emma, I traded my ship to Blackbeard to get a magic bean to find you in New York even though you had no idea who I was. I-I” he couldn’t quite finish his sentence.

“You did what? Your ship?” Emma’s tone suddenly changes, “as in the Jolly Roger?”

Killian nods. “Aye. It was the only thing worth a magic bean.”

“You traded your ship for me?” She asks, still in shock. Nobody had done that for her before, he literally gave up his home for her. Everything he had. And she was a bitch to him.

Killian just nods. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t think it important.”

His ship. His home. Killian traded his home to find Emma. She had no idea who he was, he didn’t know if the memory potion would even work, but he did it anyway. He came and found her, brought her home.

Instead of saying anything Emma takes another step towards Killian closing the already small gap between them and captures his lips with hers.

They both didn’t know how much they had been longing for this, it was similar to their first kiss back in the Neverland jungle, hot and fiery. It’s filled with passion and wanting. Killian breaks the kiss for just a second to move positions and when his lips are back on Emma’s small moans escape. For in this moment, in this kiss, nothing else mattered. They forgot about their argument, about the angry screams and cusses from before. All that mattered was each other and that they were together now.

Emma wraps her legs around a Killians waist as he leads them over to the bed. Suddenly only having one bed and having to share didn't seem like such a problem.

The moans escaping from each other’s lips were getting more frequent and louder with each kiss. These enchanted forest clothes were a lot harder to remove than modern ones, but Killian was happy to oblige the removal of the dress.

“God's you’re beautiful.” Killain says taking in the sight of the almost naked Emma.

“Just shut up and kiss me.” Emma tells him. She wants him, she needs him.

Killian happily obliges, kissing her lips and her cheek and her neck leaving marks that will need covering up tomorrow. He sucks on her neck and leaves hot kisses down from her neck down her body, paying close attention to her breasts and then her stomach and inner thighs causing her back to arch and more moans start to escape.

“Killian I need you please.” Emma pleads, she wanted him.

“You’re sure?”

“Yes please. Please.”

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

After that night of pleasure, they never had to argue over the bed or awkwardly untangle themselves in the mornings. The next few months are spent exploring each other’s bodies every night, and finding out new things about each other every day.

Their relationship took a turn from pretending to be real and pretending to be in love, to not being so pretend anymore. They fell into the routine of a happily married couple.

There was also something else magical about that night. It seemed Emma’s magic had returned. Sparks flew that night in one way or another. It was electrifying.

___

“Hmm something smells good.” Emma says as she walks through the door after another horrible day at work.

Killian comes out from around the corner and presses a kiss to her lips.”I’m glad you’re home. I made you a surprise for dinner.”

“You know I hate surprises.” She whines

Killian chuckles, “I promise you are going to love this surprise.”

Emma sits down at the table as Killian puts a blindfold on his ‘wife’. “Whatever this is it smells good.”

Killian removes the blindfold as he pieces the plate of food in front of her,

“Is this?” Emma asks as she sees what seems to be a grilled cheese in front of her.

“My attempt at an Enchanted Forest Grilled Cheese. I went to the market and got the finest bread and the best cheese imported from Agrabah. I then made it into a sandwich and heated it up. I couldn’t figure out how to make the onion rings, which you so enjoy too, but this is the best I could do.”

“You did this for me?” Emma is shocked that he did this for her, he didn’t have to, but he did.

“I know you’re missing home, I can’t go to Granny herself and ask her to make you one, but this is the next best thing.” Killian gives her a smile. It wasn’t to get points or anything, he did it because he was really enjoying their time together but she was always talking about Stortybrooke, so he thought he’d bring a little bit of it to their home.

“Oh.My. God. This is incredible.”she says as she takes a bite “I love you.”

Realising what she just said, they’re both taken aback.

“Slip of though don’t worry I’ll pretend you didn’t say it.” He says awkwardly scratching behind his ear, a sad tone in his voice.

“No. No, I meant it. Sure it was a slip of the tongue but I don’t regret saying it. Killian, I love you.” She finally admits. “I didn’t admit how I was feeling for the longest time, but you stayed with me and helped me through it all. You didn’t have to come find me in New York but you did, you didn’t have to help me make sure my parents met but you did. You even became my fake husband so that we can slip through the cracks until we can go home.”

Her walls were slowly coming down each day she spent with Killian. He wasn’t running away, and Emma didn’t want to run when it all became real either. And for each wall he crashed through, she didn’t feel the need to build another.

“Gods I’m so pleased to hear you say that Swan.” Killian grabs her by the waist and spins her around, releasing laughter from Emma. “I love you too Emma. So much.”

_____

So we went on our way

Too in love to think straight

All alone, or so it seemed

But there were strangers watching

And whispers turned to talking

And talking turned to screams

Emma and Killian had been in the Enchanted Forest for around 10 months, hopefully Rumplestilskin would keep his word and have the portal so that they could go back to their world in 2 months time.

10 months in the Enchanted Forest, and Emma was still not used to the clothes or the food. Cassian and Maeve had invited them round a few more times, and this time they didn't need to lie about their relationship or their feelings as much anymore. The two of them had welcomed a baby girl, and Maeve had returned to work at the tavern, so at least Emma was no longer alone in battling off the creepy men.

Although, Emma couldn’t completely control her magic so there were times it spiraled out of control and she had hoped nobody would notice it was her. There was one time she was pouring drinks, it was a really busy shift, and she accidentally made the barrels explode and beer went everywhere. It took a lot of effort not to laugh at the beer that practically drenched the guy that had been trying to touch her up all shift.

“This happens all the time, don’t worry about it.” Maeve tells Emma as she grabs a rag to start cleaning up.

Phew. She got away with it. For now.

Except it kept happening.

Emma didn’t know why or what was happening, but her magic was uncontrollable.

“It’s happening again, I don’t know what to do.” She confides in Killian. She knows he will want to help, and not just because it will keep their secret safe.

Killian trusts her, he knows her magic is never intended to harm anybody. “Why does it keep happening at work, you don’t seem to have outbursts at home.”

“I feel safe at home.” Emma admits. “When I’m with you, I feel safe, I can pretend it’s just us and the rest of the world doesn’t exist. When I’m at work I get nervous because you’re not there and I have to do it all alone, keep up appearances. You’re so much better at it than I am.”

“I have something for you then.” Killian says as he pulls a chain from around his neck, with a cool silver ring attached.

“Wow, wow wow.” Emma’s heart suddenly starts to race, she loved Killian, but if this ring was his way of proposing they were moving way too quickly.

“Calm down Swan, I’m not proposing.” He realises he should have led with that before pulling out a ring. “You know I’m a survivor, and this ring is why. It belonged to my brother, a better man than I am. It’s kept me safe all these years, and now it’s going to keep you safe. At the very least it’s a reminder that you’ve got a smouldering piercing eyed pirate at home who loves you.”

She kisses him and smiles. Her smile is so bright, nobody has ever cared or loved her the way Killian does, and it’s kind of scary, but Killian hasn’t left her, he stuck by her and she’s slowly realising that being in love, especially with Killian, is nothing to be afraid of. “I love you too.”

Now when she was at work and felt her magic or became overwhelmed, she would hold the ring on the chain, and breathe. She would think of Killian and how they would be going home soon.

______

For the first couple weeks after clinging to the ring, Emma was fine. Her magic did become slightly overwhelming but she took the ring and held it for a few seconds, thought of Killain, and she was fine.

But then their story started getting poked at.

“Where did you say you came from again?” A girl at work would ask.

“Crestbourne, just north of here.” Emma says, hoping the subject will change soon.

“Crestborune? Isn’t that South?”

Emma plays dumb, “Right, I meant South. Sorry my head is spinning today, too much rum after work last night,”

Killian experienced the same thing.

“You say you were in the Royal Navy Jones?” Someone at work would ask.

“Aye, me and my brother. Under King Elijah.”

“Only because I have a friend currently in King Elijah’s army, and he hadn’t heard of a Jones in that army for over a hundred years.”

Killian didn’t know what to say, he didn’t expect to be caught out like this. So he just laughs and says, “Well I guess I didn’t make much of an impact if nobody remembers me.” It’s the best he can do.

That night at home, Emma and Killian discuss their situation.

“What do we do? Go back to Rumple? Work for him for the next 2 months?” Emma suggests, despite the fact that she doesn’t want to do this, maybe they had no choice.

“No. Absolutely not. I still don’t trust the Crocodile. If we go to him now before the Portals is ready- who knows what he’ll do with us?” Killian had every right to be afraid, especially as this Rumpelstiltskin was not the Mr. Gold they could threaten in Storybrooke.

Emma was worried, how much longer could this go on? “Then what do you plan we do?”

Killian takes Emma’s hand and pulls her in for a kiss. “We’ve come this far together. As long as we stick together, we can wager any more storms that come our way.”

Emma can’t help but smile at his sea analogies. But he was right, they had survived ten months together without any complications, they just needed to survive 2 more. As long as they were together, they could do this.

____

The next day Emma heads to work with Maeve, they both have an afternoon shift and she appreciated the company. Poor Maeve is working 3 days at the tavern and 4 days at the market. She and Cassian can barely afford clothes for their baby girl who is growing every day. Emma wishes she could tell her that it gets better, and that soon she hopefully wouldn’t have these problems. She’s pretty sure all jobs in Storybrooke pay a decent living wage.

“What’s happening up there?” Emma asks Maeve as they see a crowd start to form outside the tavern.

“I’m not sure.” Maeve looks equally as confused as they approach the growing crowd.

“WITCHES! BURN THE WITCHES!” They hear.

Oh no. No. This was not good.

This wasn’t like Storybrooke, people didn’t always accept magic here. And if they found out about Emma, who knows what they would do to her.

“I know there’s a witch here. Strange things have been happening, I know magic when I see it.” A man with a pitchfork says. Emma recognises him as a regular. A regular who likes to touch the girls that work there.

Emma’s heart is suddenly racing. Last night she made the barrels explode again. She tried to think of Killian and his ring, but she heard the name ‘Henry’ and her emotions, and therefore her magic was spiralling. The lights flickered before they cut out immediately and goblets started to shatter-despite being made of a heavy duty material.

Maeve looks at Emma, “Go. Go now before they find you.

Emma gives her a confused look, “what do you mean?”

In a quiet voice, she tells her, “I know you have magic. I see it, but you can’t control it. You would never use it to hurt anybody, but they don’t know that. Go now, escape while you still can.”

Emma gives Maeve a hug, “Thank you.”

“I know you don’t belong here. So I hope you can get back to wherever it is.” Maeve whispers.

Emma nods, Maeve was smart. “Things will get better. I promise.” Before she runs away back to their home.

Bursting through the door, she sees Killian taking a nap, he’d been working a lot more shifts lately, in his attempt to slip through the cracks.

“Killian! Wake up! Killain! We need to get out of here. They know. We need to find Rumple. I don’t care that it's only been 10 months. I need to be safe. I can’t do this anymore.” She’s rambling, Killian can’t understand what she’s saying.

“Swan calm down. What’s going on?” Killian asks, in his half sleep state.

Emma takes a deep breath and explains the Witch Hunt going on outside the tavern and how Maeve knows she has magic, and has given her a head start.

“THE WITCH LIVES HERE! I'VE SEEN IT!”

Suddenly there’s a pounding on their door. Emma and Killian look at one another. “Swan if you have a way of getting us out by magic, do it now.”

The door breaks down and there’s a crowd of angry villagers with pitchforks and spires, “There’s the witch, I’ve seen sparks and white fog coming from their house time and time again. She’s practising magic.”

“Killian I can’t control it, I don’t know how to get us out.” Emma whispers, panic setting in, her fists are glowing, letting the angry villagers know they’re right about their assumptions.

“Swan. Look at me.” Killian says, using his one hand to turn Emma’s face to his.”Your magic is inside of you. I understand you can’t control it, but I’ve seen you do it before. You can do this, I believe in you.”

Emma takes Killians hand in hers and thinks hard about what she wants. She wants to get home to their family. Killian has been by her side through it all, he’s been her rock, she thinks of his ring and how much she loves him. She feels her power, and focuses on escaping.

Her fists glow brighter, and a second later they disappear in a puff of white smoke, and appear into the great hall of Rumple's Castle.

Emma opens her eyes to see the results of her first time really using her magic.

“You did it Swan!” Killian wraps his arms around her. “You’re bloody brilliant you know that!”

Emma breathes a sigh of relief as she hugs Killian. She did it, she actually did it.

“You wield in magic. I’m impressed.” Rumples' voice tears them from each other’s thoughts about what just happened.

“The villagers found out about us lying. And we were at the centre of a witch hunt. Is there any way the portal can be ready early?” Emma is practically begging, which she never thought she would. This Rumple was far less likely to help them than Gold.

The Dark One just laughs. “Oh I haven’t been working on the portal.”

“Please tell me this is a joke.” Killian half laughs, hoping it wasn’t true.

Rumple raises his eyebrows, “I don’t joke. I’ve been working on a memory potion for myself. I already know too much about the future, can’t know anymore.”

Pressing her lips together to stop her from wringing her hands around his neck, Emma simply asks, “so how do we get home?”

“With this.” He says as a wand poofs into his hand.

“I don’t understand.”

Rumple rolls his eyes at Emma. “You have proven yourself powerful enough these past few months, you are the only one who can replicate the spell that brought you here.”

“So you’re telling me, these past 10 months have been a test? That we didn’t need to make up a fake life and live here?” Killian asks, anger building up.

Rumple laughs. “Of course it was a test! You needed to prove you were powerful enough. And like I said, there was no use for you in my Castle, I already had help.” Emma notices the Castle isn’t as clean as it was 10 months ago, assuming Belle had been captured by Regina by now.

“I’m gonna kill him when we get home.” Emma whispers to herself.

/\/\/\/\

Rumple poofs them into the basement, or the dungeon of his Castle, filled with what was most likely the most dangerous magic and weapons.

The glamour Rumple had put them on had vanished, and they were back in their other clothes, Emma’s leather jacket, her armour was back on and she felt somewhat safe. The wand felt heavy in her hand, it was powerful magic, also likely dark magic if it were able to replicate any spell or curse.

“How do I do this?” She asks Killian.

“You’re the magic one Swan not me.” His tone was cold, what was up with him?

“Are you okay?”

“Fine. Just eager to get home.” He says looking around at the magical objects

Emma lowers the wand and turns to face Killian. “What’s wrong with you?

Avoiding her gaze, he simply says. “Everything changes when we’re home.”

Emma furrows her brow, “What’s changing?” She grabs his hand and forces him to look at her. “Killian, what is going to change?”

“Us, Everything. Your feelings for me. It was nice while it lasted.”

“You think I’m going to leave you when we get back home?” She asks, slightly hurt that he would even think that.

“I’m a Pirate Swan. You think your family of royals and heroes are going to accept me?” Killian was afraid of going home, it wouldn’t just be him and Emma anymore.

“Killian, I love you. And that’s not going away when we get home. I don’t care what my parents think, you have stayed with me all this time. You have a mark in the hero column.” She kisses him, letting him know that while things will be different, things aren’t going to change between them.

As she kisses him, the wand In her hand begins to glow white. Holding Killians hand tight, she raises the wand in the air and thinks of home, and her family.

“You did it Swan.” Killian says, pressing a kiss to the side of her head, looking at the golden shimmering portal which had opened.

“Let’s go home.” She says as she places the wand on the table and grabs Killians hand as they jump into the Portal.

/\/\/\/\

They come through the Portal with a bump. Storybrooke. They’re home.

“We did it! We’re home!” Emma can feel tears coming from her eyes, she didn’t know when she would see home again.

“You did it Swan. You’re bloody amazing.” Killain says picking her up and spinning her around, the same way as when Emma told him she loved him.

“Let’s go. Let’s go find our family.” Killian could almost cry at the way Emma said ‘our’, they may not be married anymore, but she still loved him and they were in this together. Whatever they face next, they face it together.

And so they walk hand in hand to Granny’s to find everyone.

In Storybrooke, only a matter of days had passed, thankfully they hadn’t missed almost a year. But she did miss the official name ceremony of her baby brother, Prince Leo, named after Snow's father.

“So you’re Princess Leia?” Snow asks, as they flick through Henry’s book to find Emma and Killians adventure now in it.

Henry chuckles, “Nice alias Mom!”

“I guess that means you’re finally one of us. A fairytale princess at last.” David says as he muses the picture of Emma and Hook dancing together at the ball.

“So what happened after that? You were there almost a year? What was it like? Did you slay a dragon, or get caught in the ogre war?” Henry asks, wanting to know all about her Enchanted Forest adventure.

Emma rolls her eyes, “Sorry Kid, no dragon slaying or ogres. Gold, or uh Rumple. He wanted to test us, test my magic. So we had to pretend to be a married couple living in a small village out of sight, and I had to work in a tavern for 10 months until my magic returned and I was the focus of a witch hunt.”

“Witch Hunt?”

“Married to Hook?”

Her parents clearly had different reactions to her story.

Emma just laughs, “It was a scary experience all right. But I couldn’t have gotten through it without my ‘husband’. It wasn’t so bad, but I’m so happy to be back at Granny’s, I missed her onion rings.” And she gives Hook a knowing look that causes them both to smile at the memory.

“Wait-are you two?” Henry asks realising the looks and smiles his mother was sharing with Hook.

Emma doesn’t quite know how to react, she wasn’t ashamed, but her family didn't know Killian like she did.

“I’m happy for you Emma. Really.” Snow says, holding out her hands to both Emma and Hook.

“I guess the Pirate isn’t so bad, as long as you don’t hurt her I’m happy.” David fights the urge to say something worse, but in all honesty he was happy for Emma.

“Does this mean Hook can teach me how to sword fight?” Henry asks his grandparents with a grin on his face making Emma smile.

Her family was reunited. She wasn’t alone anymore. She had a family who loved her and wouldn’t leave her. It may have taken time, and a curse, but it was worth it. Henry didn’t bring her to Storybrooke to break some curse, he was bringing her home.

[daisyxbuckley]

Afterlife//Mitch Rapp Series

A/N: Here is my normal 4K+ words lol. So the next chapter will be the last part of THIS series but there will be an epilogue for the end...and its insane.

Warnings: Smut. Just dirty smut.

Description: It’s been six months since Mitch and Ophelia took down Ghost. Six months since Ophelia had to kill someone that she thought she once loved. Now a new threat is back and the only question is…with they both make it out alive? @cxddlyash @xceafh @dylan-obrien-fanblog @stiles-o-dylan24 @n0rdicstar

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Ophelia got back to the compound almost three hours after she left Mitch in town. She had to double back to make sure he didn’t follow her and get himself killed. The girl hated lying to him about what was going on but she knew that in the end it would all make sense. 

Getting into the giant house, Ophelia walked past the men sitting in the living room and headed up the stars to the part of the house that her room was located in. She had been there since she left the cabin that night four months earlier and though Ophelia hated being there, she knew that it was better than Mitch dying. 

Her room was dark when she opened the door and she flicked the light on walking in. “You’re home late.” The voice made Ophelia tense up. Putting on a blank face, she turned around and stared at Kiernan, crossing her arms. 

“I had something to take care of.” Was all she said as she shrugged out of her jacket and laid it down on the chair at her desk. “I’m back aren’t I? Just like I said I would be.” Ophelia leaned against the desk crossing her arms again. She watched Kiernan as he walked slowly over to her. He wasn’t exactly an ugly man and he knew it. His dirty blonde hair had grown out a bit but he still kept it cropped. His blue eyes were bright as he got closer to her, and she could see that it wasn’t from something good. It scared her honestly, Kiernan wasn’t exactly the most stable man and she was not about to piss him off. 

Kiernan stepped close to Ophelia, pinning her against the desk. “I know he’s here.” He said in her ear. His breath tickled her neck as she closed her eyes so she wouldn’t have to look at him. 

“I got it handled.” Was all she said finally opening up her eyes and staring at him. “I really hope so love.” He said as he gripped her chin and forced her to stare at him. “I would really hate to break the deal we have.” 

Ophelia rolled her eyes as his hand moved to the back of her neck and squeezed. “I said I had it handled Kiernan. He won't be an issue.” Kiernan let go of her neck and stepped back, walking around her room. Ophelia kept hardly anything personal in her room. Some books and her makeup on her vanity was all the proof that she actually lived there. Picking up a red lipstick Kiernan looked at it before looking back up at her. 

“Wear this with that red dress tonight.” He said setting it next to her before heading towards the door. 

“Wait, why?” Ophelia snapped out of her haze and looked at him. As far as she knew nothing was going on tonight. 

“We have a meeting. Well I do.” Kiernan said casually. “I’m not allowed to bring back up so that’s where you come in.” Ophelia stared at him till he elaborated. “You need to act like you’re out having a good time, but you’re there to be my back up.” 

Ophelia nodded as he walked out. She wanted nothing more than to put a bullet through his eyes but she couldn’t. Instead she watched him shut the door before heading to her bathroom and getting ready. 

*************************************************

Mitch had followed the tracker that he managed to slip on to Ophelia earlier to a house that was secluded in the woods. He knew he shouldn’t of done it, but he couldn’t just leave her there. The compound was huge and Mitch knew that this was where she was staying. Parking his car deep in the woods, Mitch managed to get past the guards guarding the front gate and into the garage where the cars were kept. He looked around and saw the sedan that was in the market earlier and placed a tracker on it. Looking to his right he noticed the bike that Ophelia had used to get away earlier that day and had his hand down the side. Before he regretted it, Mitch reached out and stuck a tracker on it before heading out and back to the car. 

An hour after he got back, the tracker started moving and Mitch knew that he needed to follow. And that’s how he found himself outside of a nightclub. The beat flowed out of the building and into the car that he was using. Mitch noticed that the sedan was making another loop and figured he should head inside before he lost Kiernan in the club. 

The music was so loud that you couldn’t hear yourself think. He sat down at the bar and ordered a beer before just looking around. He figured he would try and get an eye on Ophelia before he moved around. The last thing he needed was for her to see him before he saw her. He could feel eyes on him as he looked up and over towards the end of the bar and rolled his eyes at a girl who waived and tried to flirt with him. The music switched to a sensual song with a strong beat and he groaned wondering what the hell Ophelia was doing in a place like this. 

“Bruh, she’s back.” He heard the man next to him say to his buddy. They both looked towards the staircase and laughed. Mitch sighed and turned around on the stool with his beer in his hand, looking over to where they were pointing. “I would so her a good time.” The buddy said laughing. Mitch rolled his eyes as he scanned the entrance. 

What he was not expecting was Ophelia standing there. The beat in the music dropped as she started walking down the steps and Mitch realized that his eyes weren’t the only eyes on her and it wasn’t hard to see why. 

Her hair was swept up in a curly bun with her bangs falling in her eyes. Her make up was darker than she would usually have it and the red lips she had on seemed to look plumper than usual. But that wasn’t what stole the breath from his lungs. The red dress that she had on stopped about midway down her thighs. It was tight against her body and laid so her shoulders were exposed, the tan skin was practically glowing in the club lights. His eyes traveled down her legs to the heels that were on her feet and then scanned back up towards her face. Though she had a blank face on, he could tell she was scanning the room with her eyes. When she hit the bottom of the stairs the crowd parted like it was the red sea to let her through. He could see men get scolded by their girlfriends when they lingered a bit too long on her ass as she walked by.

Getting up, Mitch started heading into the crowd keeping his eyes on her. Watching her walk over to the corner of the club, his body tensed up as she stopped. Kiernan was standing there and put his arm around her waist as she flashed that smile that Mitch loved so much. Holding her hand out, she shook the hands of them men in front of her and played coy as she chatting with them for a minute. Leaning towards Kiernan, she whispered something in his ear and nodded when he shook his head. With a kiss on her cheek, Ophelia was off and making her way towards the bar. 

The girl leaned against the bar ordering a shot of whiskey and beer, trying to ignore the looks that she was getting from the guys around her. Feeling a hand on her backside, Ophelia took the shot that was sitting in front of her before turning towards the ofender. Before she could do anything though, the amber colored eyes that she had fallen in love with were standing in front of her. Ophelia quickly looked over to where Kiernan was deep in conversation before pulling Mitch down the hall and away from prying eyes. Slamming him against the wall, Ophelia pressed her body against his while keeping her arm against his throat. 

“What the fuck did I tell you earlier.” She hissed. “You need to leave. Now. If he catches you here then you’re a dead man Mitch.” Ophelia was legitimately terrified that this was going to be the night that everything comes crashing down. 

“You’re out of your damn mind O.” Mitch said glaring down at her. “In here dressed like that, hanging all over him? You were protecting him earlier, what does he want you to be his arm candy that can protect him?” 

“You don’t know shit.” Ophelia said letting go of him. Backing up a bit she sucked her bottom lip in through her teeth and chewed on it. “You need to get out of here. I’ll explain everything to you later..but right now you need to leave.”  Ophelia quickly reached up and kissed him on the lips before she stepped back and ran down the hall. Mitch stood and watched her go as she rounded the corner wondering what the hell was going on. 

**********************************************************

It had been two days since Mitch had seen Ophelia in that club. Two days he spent worrying about if she was okay or if Kiernan had figured out that Mitch was there. He had just stepped out of the shower and threw his sweats on when he heard a knock at the door. Quietly creeping over to it, Mitch picked his gun up and held it as he looked out the peephole. Noticing the person on the other side of  it, he quickly put the gun down and opened up the door. 

Ophelia was standing in the doorway looking like a dream that came to life. Her grey jeans were tucked into her boots as they laced up her calves. The white sweater that she was wearing clung to her figure as it fell right below her ass. Her hair was curled lightly and falling on her face as she smiled at him slightly. 

“Are you going to let me in or are we going to just stand in the hallway.” Ophelia said chewing on her lip as Mitch quickly moved out of the way. She could tell that everything that had been going on took a toll on him and it broke her heart knowing that. Walking further into the hotel room, Ophelia set her bag down and looked around before facing Mitch. 

“Look..obviously telling you to get the hell out of here wasn’t working so obviously I need to tell you the truth.” She said quietly. Mitch nodded as she sat down and he leaned against the wall in front of her. When he didn’t say anything, Ophelia took that as a sign to continue. 

“Irene knows.” Was all she said. Before she could get anything else out, Mitch had pushed himself up from the wall and walked over to her with a glare on his face. 

“Excuse me? Irene knows that you’re working with a man wanted by both the US and Interpol who wants to kill you?” Mitch had to restrain himself from yelling. He didn’t want to scare Ophelia off by fighting with her, but who the hell was this happening?

“Look, when we got back to my apartment Kiernan called me. He told me that he had been watching me since he got out.” Ophelia said picking at her nails. “He wants revenge for something he thinks I did.” 

“What does he think you did?” Mitch asked her quietly. 

“Kiernan had a daughter. She was 4 when I met him...when I was extracted and he was arrested she was taken into custody. Something happened and she died.” Ophelia whispered. “He thinks that I had something to do with it...but I didn’t. When he contacted me that day he told me that he wanted to kill you and I couldn’t let that happen Mitch.” Ophelia stood up and walked over to him. Taking his hand in hers she sighed. “I called Irene when we stopped the first time..before we ditched the phones. She told me to do whatever I had to do to get him to trust me again. We needed to catch this man and I was the only way to do it.”  

“So you drug me..run off on your own  and leave me worrying for four months thinking you’re dead all because Irene wanted you to catch this guy?” Mitch felt his hands tighten around hers and felt his blood boil. Irene had done some pretty shady shit since he joined, but this was insane. 

“Mitch i’m so sorry. But he needs to be stopped and if that means I work with him for the time being then I am. If we can get enough information then we can take him down and a lot of the big guns that he sells to.” Mitch yanked his hands out of Ophelia’s and paced across the room. 

“No, this is insane, O.” He yelled. “You are in danger. For all we know this man could be plotting your death and you don’t even know it.” 

“He wouldn’t kill me. I’m too valuable now.” She said flatly. “I’m currently the only one he can trust.” 

“Right, because you’ve been traveling all over Europe killing men that he has grudges with.” Mitch spat out to her. 

“It’s not like they were exactly angles Mitch.” Ophelia replied shrugging her shoulders. Watching him get irritated she sighed. “Look, I came here today so you knew what was going on. So you could go home and let me do my job. The whole reason this works is because he thinks that i’ve cut off all ties with you.” 

“Nope. No fucking way. I’m not leaving you here with that psychopath by yourself.” Mitch said shaking his head and crossing his arms in front of his chest. Ophelia's eyes went to his arms and how the flexed as he was trying to control his anger. Sighing Ophelia ran a hand through her hair and closed her eyes sighing. 

“You don’t have a choice Mitch. Either you leave willingly or I shoot you.” She said grabbing her bag. “Your choice.” Ophelia hated to put it that way but she would rather wound him and send him home then have him be dead. Walking towards the hotel room door, she was about to leave when Mitch grabbed her hand and spun her around.

“You wouldn’t dare shoot me.” He growled as he pressed her up against the wall. Ophelia let out a gasp when her back hit the wall but continued to stare at him. His hands were against the wall on either side of her head and he was so close that she could smell the aftershave he used after the shower. To say she was weak in the knees with it was an understatement. Mitch was like a drug to her and she hated that he had that effect when she needed to focus. 

“You really want to test me on that right now?” She asked glaring at him. She would do whatever it took to keep him safe. “Mitch let me go now.” Ophelia whispered. She could see his eyes darken when she said that and didn’t know if it was out of anger or lust. Honestly it didn’t matter at that point because all she wanted was him. 

“Do you want me to let you go Ophelia?” Mitch asked with a raspy tone. He stepped closer to her body, pressing himself against her as his hands moved from the wall and trailed down to her hips. Digging his fingers into her sides he pulled her as close as humanly possible. But it wasn’t enough. Ophelia let out a whimper at the contact and closed her eyes as her hands trailed up his arms wrapping them around his neck. Mitch leaned down and started pressing light kisses against her chin, slowly trailing down her neck. “I know that you miss this.” His voice was husky as he moved to the hem of her shirt tugging it off. The sweater fell to the floor and Ophelia was left in only her  red lace bra and her skinny jeans. Mitch stepped back and looked at her standing against the wall breathing hard. She was just as beautiful as he remembered. 

Pressing back against her, Mitch laced his hand in her hair while the other one wrapped around her lower back moving her away from the wall and started walking her towards the bedroom. Ophelia’s hands moved into his hair and pulled as he groaned into her mouth. Sliding his hands down her ass, he gripped her hips as she jumped up around his waist. Slamming her against the wall Mitch’s mouth left hers as he pressed hard, wet kisses all over her shoulders and neck. Moving his knee so she was pinned as he moved his arms up and removed her bra. Throwing it behind them he moved his lips down to gently nip and bite at the hardened buds that were before him. Ophelia’s moans of approval were all he needed to egg him on as his hand slipped down to her jeans and unbuttoned them. Slipped his fingers in past the waistband of her underwear, he slowly started drawing figure eights on her clit, eliciting a moan from her as she pulled his hair. 

“Mitch, you need to stop teasing me.” She whispered as she pulled his lips back up to hers. Nodding, he pushed away from the wall with her and walked to the bed pressing one more kiss to her mouth before he laid her down on it. Kissing down her chest, Mitch left a wet trail going all the way down to her stomach. Sliding her pants off he moved up to position himself between her legs. Blowing air on her clothed core, Mitch revealed in the fact that he could still make her squirm. Quickly shoving a finger inside, Mitch slowly started pumping as he left kisses on the inside of her thighs. 

Ophelia moaned and gripped the sheets on the bed so hard that her knuckles were turning white. Her eyes shot open when she felt him take her underwear off and slide another finger in while attaching his mouth to her clit. “Jesus fuck Mitch.” She gasped out as he shot her a crooked smile. “You’re and asshole.” 

“Yeah, but you like it.” He said removing his fingers before putting them in his mouth and licking them clean. Taking his sweatpants off, he quickly moved so he was hovering over Ophelia again. Pressing kisses all up her side she felt her shudder from the touch and knew that she was putty in his hands again. Ophelia reached own and wrapped her hand around his shaft and started pumping slowly as their lips met in a heated kiss. Lining him up with her entrance, Ophelia broke the kiss as he pressed himself inside. It had been too long since she had been with him this way and Ophelia wanted nothing more than to just lay here with him forever. But she couldn’t so for now she just enjoyed his body against hers. 

Mitch wasted no time picking up a rhythm. His hips rolled against hers as she lifted up to meet him. The position they were in and the length it’s been since they had each other this way was making it hard for Mitch to keep going for too long. Ophelia knew that so she wrapped her legs around his waist and clenched her walls around him, gasping at the feeling of him hitting her g spot and making her come undone. Pulling her lips back to his, she smiled. “Let go Mitch..” She whispered. Mitch picked his pace up and realized that they were going to hit this high together and he wanted nothing less. A few more strokes and Mitch felt himself release inside her as Ophelia felt herself let go.

They laid there together for a few minutes just trying to recatch the breath that had been lost. Mitch played with Ophelia’s hair as she laid on his chest and wrapped his other arm closer around her body. Kissing the top of her head, he smiled was she looked up at him. “I love you so much..do you know that?” He whispered. Ophelia’s mind stopped working for a second when he muttered those words. They had said I love you before, but they never said it like that. It was usually when the other was half asleep or an absentminded thing as they walked out the door. 

“I know..and you know I love you too..and that means I need to keep you safe.” She whispered. Mitch shook his head, moving the hair out of her face. 

“No.. that’s my job, love. I’m supposed to keep you safe and I need to.” He said quietly. “I love you so much it hurts, O. And I can’t do this without you...I won't.” Reaching over, he grabbed the phone from his nightstand and dialed a number. Ophelia looked at him with a confused look as he waited for the person to pick up. 

“Irene. I have her.” Mitch said as Ophelia quickly sat up. “Yeah, she's right in front of me. She told me what you guys are planning.” Mitch put the phone on speaker phone as Irene was silent. 

“Mitch, you need to leave Ophelia be.” Irene said quietly. “Ophelia if you’re there you need to leave now. We have come way too far for you to be compromised.” 

“I know Irene.” Ophelia said quietly. “There’s a gala going on tonight. We are going and ill be able to meet who he's selling to. There’s a few guys there that are on the radar for us that we can nab, I just need to make sure they are there.” 

“Good. You know what to do Ophelia. In and out.” Irene said. “Once we do this and get that proof you can come home.” 

Mitch was about to say something when Irene spoke again. “Mitch, you will see that I got you an invitation for the gala as well. You’re her back up, but do not be caught.” She said. “The invitation is under Mitch Kruse. Make sure you get a tux.” Was all Irene said before she hung up. Ophelia looked at Mitch and shrugged as she started getting up, grabbing her clothes and getting dressed. 

“Looks like you’re getting your way.” She grumbled walking away from the bed and looking for her bra. Mitch quickly got up and threw his sweats on and followed after her. “Are you seriously mad that I'm going in as your back up?” He said his voice rising a bit. 

“Yes Mitch!” Ophelia had found her shirt and threw it back on, trying to get her hair to look presentable again and faced him. “I have spent the last four months with Kiernan trying to make sure you don't get yourself killed..and now you’re going to be at a place that you could possibly die at.” He could see the tears welling in her eyes and he stepped closer, putting his hands on her cheeks. 

“Hey, hey. Nothing is going to happen to me tonight. I promise you that we will both be walking out of there.” He whispered as she closed her eyes and leaned into his hand. “I will bring you home and when I do I'm making sure that we are going to be together for the rest of our lives.” He leaned down and pressed a kiss gently to her lips as he wiped a tear that had fallen down. Ophelia grabbed his hands in hers pressing soft kisses against his knuckles. 

“I need to go. I still have to pick my dress up for tonight and take care of a few more things.” She whispered looking back up to him. “I love you.” Ophelia smiled at the grin that broke across Mitch’s face. Bringing her to him one more time, he pressed a kiss to her lips before she turned around and grabbed her bag. Sending him one more glance, Ophelia slipped out the door. 

[1000fiction]

Day 2: Begging ft. Brynjolf.

Relationship:  F/M Species: Unspecified Warnings: NSFW, Oral sex, Vaginal sex

Summary: Brynjolf realises he’s pushed the Guild master too far past her limits, and his plan for an extravagant apology goes belly up when she decides to put him in his place.

               “Come on lass, don’t be like this.” He could practically see her bristling, the fury in her eyes making him shrink back, swallowing any other words in his throat.

               “Like what? Hm? Am I annoying you Brynjolf? Never listening to you? Casting aside your entire existence like yesterdays shit!?” despite their height difference, Brynjolf had ended up squashed against the wall, cowering and wincing as she towered over him. Her breath tousled his hair, and though the stray tendrils tickled his nose, he dared not move. She grumbled lowly as she left, stomping across the cistern to her desk. He didn’t move until she’d gathered her papers, tucked them haphazardly under her arm and ascended the ladder.

               He exhaled deeply, fixing his hair as he slipped to the floor. His arms were propped on his knees, head hung down to look at the dark stone beneath him. He sat like that for a while, listening to the water and stewing on his predicament, until patronizing tuts disturbed his self-pity.

               “What have you gotten yourself into this time?” Delvin’s raspy voice got closer as he stood over Brynjolf, kicking at the loose gravel in the cracks of stone.

               “She won’t speak to me.” Although he wasn’t expecting wise words, he didn’t expect him to laugh. He rose his head, eyeing the cackling thief at his side.

               “That all?” He chuckled. “Sounds like you got off easy mate, she’s been pissy at you for months.” Delvin turned to leave and Brynjolf hauled himself up, chasing after his friend as he entered the Flagon.

               “What do you mean? Has she said something to you.” He bumped into his shoulder as he stopped abruptly, turning to face him in the narrow of the corridor.

               “Sorry Bryn got more important things to do, we’ll speak another time.” And with that he was gone, seat taken at his usual table. Brynjolf mulled over his words until it hit him like a carriage horse. Flashbacks of the months he’d spent passing her off as a common grunt when all she wanted was his companionship and assistance. That was his job, to be by her side and he’d ignored her, just like she’d said.

               The redhead hit his skull against the wall, thrusting his fist against the stone and gritting his teeth. He’d been an absolute idiot.

               “You know hurting yourself isn’t going to help anybody.” Sapphire stood, arms crossed and eyeing him with thin slits.

               “What do you care?” He didn’t mean to sound so harsh, but the throbbing in his knuckles had him gritting his teeth in pain.

               “I care that it’s been me she confides his, vents through, you should hear the curses she’s refrained putting on you.” He sighed tiredly, maybe he deserved it.

               “What can I do Saph? Help me.” His eyes glimmered with hope as she considered, perhaps this was his chance to win back his number one.

               “Alright, I’ll help, so long as you do everything I say.” Oh no.

                His outfit was no different than the one he wore in the market, but the feeling of netch jelly slicking back his hair, and the arm full of flowers - freshly picked from the outskirts of Riften – made him feel utterly ridiculous. He took a deep breath before rapping his knuckles against the door. Even if you can’t convince her to forgive you, he thought back on Sapphire's words, perhaps making yourself look like a fool will work in your favour.

               He was about to leave when the door opened, revealing him wide-eyed like a fox in a trap. He watched the way she bit her lip, holding in her laughter. He seized the opportunity. “Can we talk?” His voice was low, almost pleading, and he could see the cogs turn in her head. Relief washed over him when she bumped the door wider with her hip, before going further into the house. He closed the door with a boot, fingers too busy twiddling the stems of the flowers. He swallowed thickly when he found her, perched on the chest at the foot of her bed, one knee crossed over the other and arms crossed defiantly over her chest. He coughed, swallowing his pride.

               “Look, lass, I’m sorry, I’ve been an ass. I put you in a new situation and I haven’t been there to support you. You’re an amazing woman, but I was a fool to think you could be thrown into the job. We’re partners, and I’ve neglected you for selfish reasons. I’m sorry.” He’d nervously tugged leaves from their stems, having them fall to the floor in his nervous rant. He kicked them with the toes of his boot, waiting for her to speak, or at least shift, she hadn’t moved since she’d sat down.

               “Alright, apology accepted.” Her voice was clipped, but it was as if a horse had been lifted off his shoulders. “But-” His head shot up at her as she stood, standing toe to toe and pushing the flowers against his chest “That doesn’t mean you're forgiven.” And so, his world came crashing down again.

               “Oh, come on lass what more can I do?” She ignored him, busying herself with whatever was in her wardrobe instead. “Lass please, I’m begging you.” That caught her attention. She slammed the doors, marching towards him and tearing the flowers from his hands, dropping them to join the fallen leaves.

               “Then beg.” A shiver went up his spine at her tone, he could feel her roving eyes undressing him by the second. He should’ve known, you don’t become guild master, nightingale, and the dragonborn by being submissive.

               He got down on his knees, shamefully eyeing the forming bulge in his pants. “Please forgive me.” She moved in front of him and he moaned, deep in his throat, he could smell her, the pungent smell of sex coming through her thin breeches. “please.” He was conflicted over what he was begging for now. Her bare foot pressed into his lap, the ball rolling against his semi-hard cock. He sucked in a breath, leaning back and bucking his hips up into her touch. He hadn’t been near a woman since she arrived, and now here he was, kneeling and pleading with his eyes, desperate for anything from her. She used the flat of her foot to rub his full length, hard and straining against the cloth. He huffed heavily, mouthing ‘please’ weakly, over and over. He was so close, so when she suddenly stopped he nearly sobbed, but all air fled his lungs as she started to strip, slivers of bare skin illuminated by the candlelight. By the time she was bare, she was sat, spread-eagled, the neat crop of hair barely hiding her swollen nub. He could see her lips glistening with her juices, the sight and smell making his mouth water. “Oh, by divines, please.” The way she chuckled had his cock pulsing, and he nearly leapt onto her when she spread her lips for him. His tongue sucked and slurped around her clit, fingers delving into her hole and feeling roughly for her g-spot. He fingered her quickly, unrelenting in his onslaught till her legs were trembling, and her lungs struggled for air. His free hand pulled himself from his pants, working the thick shaft with long, languid, tugs. pre-cum slicking his every stroke.

               She came with a shuddering cry, thighs squishing against his ears, but it was the most wonderful thing to watch, her coming undone under his touch. He stripped himself as he rose, hopping out of his underwear and lining his cock with her. He was about to press in when she kneed him in the side, her sudden strength flipping them over and stunning him into submission. he groaned as her dragon strength gripped his arms at his sides, moist flesh rubbing against his cock. The head throbbed painfully against her quim, but her wicked smile had him trembling all over. “please, gods please, I need you.” He struggled with his words, breath laboured and hips bucking to feel her tight around him.

               “Please what?” she pressed her whole body against him, licking and sucking at his prominent collar bones. He squirmed beneath her, red-faced, teeth clenched in desperate anguish.

               “Fuck me, please lass- oh gods!” He was breathless in an instant, her cunt stretching to take him balls deep in one go. She bounced at a furious pace, releasing his arms to balance on his broad chest. He gripped her hips tightly, fingertips digging into flesh strong enough to leave bruises. He held her still, thrusting up into her, balls slapping against her arse. She screamed at his pace, cock pounding against the entrance to her womb, shaft rubbing against her g-spot. He moaned deeply as she took to her clit, snapping that band and cumming so hard she saw stars. He was about to cum, spill his load into her hot quim when she jerked off almost painfully. He was sweaty, out of breath, fingers trembling around her hips and oh so desperate for release.

               She pressed herself against him once more, pulling at his earlobe with her teeth before whispering. “Sorry, lad, got important things to do, you’ll cum another time.” And with that, she was off him and gone into the shadows. He hauled himself up, glancing around for any sign of her before collapsing back onto the bed with a moan, pushing back his hair and whispering softly.

               “Please…”

[timetogoslumming]

PG for Smoking Images

Race tries to quit smoking. 

[read on ao3 or below the cut]

I.

Spot and Race had no idea that their first date was a date until it was over. They agreed to meet up for a few drinks after meeting at a party and hitting it off, commiserating over their mutual gayness. There was something about finding another dude who liked dudes in a house full of straight guys that really made a guy feel comfortable.

After spending two hours in a bar sharing a plate of nachos and taking turns buying each other drinks, they walked slowly back towards their apartments, which they had learned during the conversation were only a few blocks apart. During the walk, just after leaving the bar, Race reached into his jacket pocket and grabbed a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He shook one cigarette out, lit it, and put everything else back in his pocket. He didn’t even have time to take a single drag before Spot interrupted. “You smoke?” he asked, sounding vaguely annoyed.

Race took a deep breath before blowing smoke out of his nostrils. “Yeah,” he replied casually.

“Can you not do that around me?” Spot asked, practically holding his breath. Wordlessly, Race dropped the lit cigarette to the ground, snubbing it out with the toe of his shoe. “Are you going to pick that up?” Race just stared at Spot, but could see that he wasn’t backing down, so he picked it up off the ground with the intention of carrying it to nearest trashcan.

“Do you have a problem with smoking?” Race asked as they started walking again.

“It’s disgusting,” Spot snapped. “You’re literally inhaling tar. And you make everyone around you breathe it, too.”

“I’m not forcing you to do anything.”

“Oh, great!” replied Spot sarcastically. “Thanks for not making me breathe in your presence.”

Race glared at him. “I can walk home alone if you have such a big problem with me.”

“Don’t be stupid. You’re literally on my way.”

“Well, what if I want a cigarette?”

Spot sighed, relishing his last breath of clean air for the next couple of blocks. “Go ahead,” he said, resigned. “But don’t come crying to me when you get lung cancer.” Race lit his cigarette again and Spot took great care to take as few shallow breaths as he could. Although their conversation had flowed effortlessly all night, it was now awkward and tense. With hardly another word exchanged between the two of them, they arrived back at Race’s building, where after an awkward, stilted goodbye, they split up, Race standing out on the stoop to finish his cigarette, Spot walking the three blocks back to his own building.

It wasn’t until they were both home in bed reflecting on the evening that they both regretted how badly it went.

II.

The second date was an accident. They hadn’t planned on bumping into each other at the grocery store. They definitely hadn’t planned on getting supplies for a picnic. (It wasn’t a picnic, according to them. It was just two guys eating food outside in the park, occasionally sharing a piece of cheese or bunch of grapes.) They most certainly hadn’t planned on crashing back into Spot’s apartment, joined at the lips as well as the hips. Their magical afternoon in bed together certainly hadn’t been their plan for the day when they woke up that morning. The spell only broke when Race finally reached his breaking point and crawled out onto the fire escape for a cigarette.

III.

The third date was on purpose.

Race took Spot to a concert.

The concert was located in a grimy, smoky hall. The scent of sweat, beer, weed, and tobacco mingled in the air, and Spot did his best, but he finally had to run out, just before the band’s best song. Reluctantly, Race followed, casting a long glance back at the band on stage.

He found Spot sitting on a curb outside, taking a few deep breaths and resting his hands on his knees. “You okay?” Race asked.

Spot steadied himself. “It’s just really smoky in there, and I have asthma.”

“Oh, shit,” Race replied, running a hand through his hair and taking a seat next to Spot. “Do you have an inhaler or anything?”

“Didn’t bring one,” Spot replied. “But it’s not bad enough that I really need it yet. Just wanted some fresh air.” Race followed Spot’s line of eyesight and noticed a group of people smoking. “Or, fresher air,” he clarified.

“Sorry, I didn’t know,” Race said. “You want to leave?”

Spot shook his head. “No, you wanted to see this band, so go see them. I’ll wait out here.”

Race looked at Spot like he had just sprouted three heads. “I don’t give a shit about the band. They kind of suck live. I wanted to see you again, you idiot.”

IV.

After the night of the concert, Spot and Race began to see a lot of each other. They would get together for movie nights, dinners, plain old sex, or even board game nights. In between everything else, they got to know each other. Spot knew about Race’s problems with focus, the way his hands constantly had to be busy, and all of his research. Race knew about Spot’s family, his trouble with school, and his secret favorite show (Project Runway).

Race was always fidgety, but when they were in the middle of a movie and he couldn’t stop shaking his leg, that was when Spot knew that he would excuse himself to go outside for a cigarette soon.

As much as they vehemently denied being anything more than casual, eventually things had to be addressed. At a party that Race dragged Spot along to, he introduced Spot as his boyfriend.

“Am I your boyfriend?” Spot asked when they were alone.

Race shrugged. “Aren’t you?”

“...Yeah.”

V.

“I’m going to quit smoking,” Race declared one day out of the blue while he lounged around in Spot’s bed.

Spot jerked his head up from where he was putting on a pair of socks at the foot of the bed. “Wait, seriously?” he asked. “Why now?”

Race shrugged. “I dunno. I got winded coming up one flight of stairs on the way here.”

“I can’t believe I’m actually going to be able to breathe around you for once.”

“Shut up,” Race said, burrowing deeper into Spot’s bed.

Spot finished pulling on a sock. “Where are your cigarettes?”

“What?”

“I’m taking your cigarettes. Can’t smoke if you don’t have any.”

Race pointed to a pile of clothes on the floor. “Pants pocket.” Spot dug through the pockets of Race’s pants, confiscating the pack of cigarettes as well as his lighter. “Don’t take my lighter!” Race protested. “It’s a really good one!”

“I won’t throw the lighter out. I’ll just hold onto it for you,” Spot replied. “Be right back.” He disappeared from the bedroom, but came back a few moments later, holding the kitchen trashcan. “Do you want to do the honors?” The cigarettes in his left hand dangled over the trashcan.

“No,” Race groaned. “You go ahead.” He watched as Spot unceremoniously dropped the pack into the can. “That’s ten bucks I won’t be getting back.” Spot took the trashcan back to the kitchen and got back into bed, intertwining his legs with Race’s. “Ugh, take your socks off,” Race laughed as Spot tried to kiss him. “You know I hate it when you wear socks in bed.”

VI.

It only took two days before Race cracked. Spot walked over to Race’s apartment after work, and was immediately assaulted by the smell of smoke. “Race!” he called angrily.

“In my room,” Race yelled back.

Spot peeked into Race’s room, where his boyfriend was hunched at his desk over a calculator and a notebook, cigarette still smoking in an ashtray. “What the fuck?”

“I really don’t have time for this right now,” Race said anxiously. His wrists and forearms were grey from pencil lead and his hair stuck up in every direction.

“You’re smoking,” Spot accused from the doorway.

Race snubbed out his cigarette. “Yeah, apparently it’s not a good idea to decide to quit right before a huge deadline. Now can you leave me alone?”

“No, we’re talking about this now.” Spot crossed his arms and leaned against the doorway. “How did you even get cigarettes? I threw them out.”

“That’s the funny thing about a free market,” Race said distractedly as he punched a set of numbers into his calculator. “You can always buy more.”

“Do you realize that I can’t breathe in here?” It was true. Spot could already feel his lungs beginning to struggle in the smoky apartment. Judging by the number of cigarette butts in the ashtray, it looked like Race had had quite a few.

“Do you realize that I didn’t invite you over?” Race retorted, angrily slamming his pencil back down on the desk. “Just go home and we’ll talk later. I don’t need you nagging me right now.”

“Fine. Don’t bother calling me until you find some kind of backbone.” Spot turned on his heel and left, slamming the door of the apartment behind him.

Through the door, he could hear Race yell. “Fuck you!” Spot shook his head. Race always had to have the last word. He made it down the steps but had to stop at the bottom to collect himself.

VII.

Like most of their fights, that one didn’t last long. Race tried to get back to the equation that he was trying to crack, but he couldn’t focus. It wasn’t the kind of lack of focus that nicotine cured- it was the type that only Spot could drive away. Finally, only about two minutes after Spot left, Race grabbed his cigarettes and ran out of his apartment, down the stairs, with the hope that he could catch Spot.

It was easier than he expected. Spot was sitting at the bottom of the stairs, taking deep, slow, breaths. “Hey,” Race said, putting a hand on Spot’s shoulder and taking a seat on the step next to him. “You okay?”

Spot nodded, holding a finger up to Race to signal that he needed a minute as he kept trying to gain control back over his breathing. “Do you need your inhaler?” Spot shook his head.

After a minute, Spot seemed to have things under control. Guiltily, Race handed over his cigarettes. “I’m sorry,” he said, leaning against Spot’s shoulder. “Can you get rid of these for me?”

Spot took the cigarettes and pulled Race close. He leaned his face against Race’s neck for a moment, but pulled away quickly, looking disgusted. “You really stink.”

VIII.

For the next few months, Race was constantly falling off the wagon and climbing back on. He became a neverending stream of gum, nicotine patches, and e-cigs, but it never seemed to stick. If he had a really stressful day, or if he got too fidgety, he always found himself at the corner store buying a pack of cigarettes, with almost no memory of the walk there. Every time, he handed them over to Spot after getting caught.

Eventually, they made a chart to go on Race’s wall. The Amount Of Money Race Has Wasted Smoking. Every time he bought a pack, he had to add the price onto the list. Almost every time, Spot and Race got into explosive arguments about their health and wellbeing.

One night after an argument, Spot ended up having a serious asthma attack in Race’s apartment. Race rushed to get him his inhaler, hovering anxiously as Spot gained his control back. After a heartfelt apology from Race, they made their way back to Spot’s apartment to make dinner and escape the smoke, after a quick stop at the store on the way there for another pack of nicotine gum.

Spot did most of the cooking, but Race sat on the counter and watched, chatting with him about work. “Yeah, so, you know how I said Paul got fired?” Race said as Spot sauteed onions in a pan. “Well, he came back today begging for his job back, and-”

“Can you stop gossiping for a minute?” Spot interrupted.

“Uh, yeah?”

Spot tossed a couple of pork chops into the pan, letting them simmer with the onions, before turning to face Race. “You know I love you, right?”

Race flushed. “I hoped you did,” he replied. “Because I love you, too.”

The pork chops were forgotten. Spot and Race only separated when the smoke alarm started to go off.

IX.

They were spending another night in Race’s bed one night, basking in the afterglow of especially good sex, kissing lazily, when Race abruptly got up and left the room. “Where are you going?” Spot called.

Finally, Race came back, carrying the kitchen trashcan, just like Spot had months before. One by one, he snapped his cigarettes in half, tossing them in the trash. “I’m done with this,” he said. “I’m not doing it anymore. I’m tired of fighting with you about it, and I’m tired of you not being able to breathe around me.”

“I don’t give a shit about my asthma,” Spot said, sitting up in bed. “I care about your lungs. I don’t want you dying.”

Race shook his head. “Either way. I’m fucking done with this shit.”

X.

That night, though, after finally tossing his cigarettes, he got back into bed, pulling Spot in close. Spot said something against Race’s chest that he couldn’t hear. “What?”

“Let me move in here,” Spot repeated more clearly. “You live alone now and my lease is ending soon. We spend pretty much every night together anyway. It’s almost been a year.” He angled his face up, trailing kisses up Race’s jaw. “What do you think?” he finally whispered against his ear.

“Move in,” Race agreed in a ragged voice, before drawing Spot in for a kiss.

Race really did quit that night, completely cold turkey. It was hard, and there were dozens of times when he almost caved. He had to start shopping at places that didn’t sell cigarettes, but with Spot’s help, he did it, and eventually the cravings started to go away.

[ecotone99]

[MF] Dare You To Jump

Dr. Parker said, “Most people just live, without any reason for living.” Growing up I was terrified of this happening. As all boys I wanted adventure in life. A teacher would ask the class what we wanted to be. It would go down the line. One kid would say a lawyer, another wanted to be a doctor. All the regular respectable positions promising that white-picketed fence American dream. Then it came to me, with a wide confident smile I said, “I want to be a whore.” The teacher stood dumbfounded with silence. “Because that’s what my dad calls my mom, she’s really nice.” A child’s ignorance is stupidly beautiful.

As I grew up I noticed everyone hating their lives. Stuck in cubicles eight hours a day, these people got nothing from their jobs. They were born, they went, they lied pretending to enjoy, and then they died. Even the artists and writers suffer. It starts out fun but becomes a drone cycle always trying to write the next great novel or paint the next Mona Lisa only to be judged second best. Every day I tried to find something worth dying for. I looked at pyrotechnictian, photographer, or a chemist, anything possibly exciting enough to justify me getting up in the morning.

I thought maybe I should be a terrorist. They are well liked by most of the world, I thought. I decided I could blow up bad people. Then my dad said, bad is an opinion so it would never really be clear who to blow up. Plus I would have to grow a beard. Unless I was a hired terrorist but who really needs that. I pictured myself with a sniper rifle slung across my back with packs of C-4 and grenades on an explorer vest fixing a leaky sink saying, “yeah looks like it got clogged with something I can grenade it or unscrew it and pull em out”. Grenade throwing plumber just didn’t sound that marketable so I turned to other ideas.

A few years later I figured it out, the real answer. If you want a job that’s exciting and rewarding that never gets boring, do your biggest fear. Anyone can force themselves to doing what they enjoy every day. Some people work for money, location, or self-expression, in the end they hate it anyways. Why not just get a job you know you’ll hate. Every day I woke up, climbed to my death, and was re-born a thousand feet above pavement. All those people racing from one place to another. All those people hating their lives. Here I was facing myself every morning watching them. I was being reborn while they died a little more. I hate heights, absolutely fucking hate them. So I wash the windows of the world’s tallest buildings. This is fate and this me telling it to fuck off.

I made a rule, no buildings with a survivable height. False emotions don’t do anything. No matter how many orgasms you fake you’ll never finish. The fear had to be real, and you’d be shocked how harmless 100ft can be. These cubicle monkeys would fly me all over the world to hang outside their towering cages.

Setting up the scaffolding is the best part. The crowd would pretend not to be watching, always looking just left or at something behind you that wasn’t there. All of them thinking the same thing, fall. After the ropes were secure I spent fifteen minutes killing myself and any logic I had. No matter how many times I did it I could never just start the climb. Heart racing I grabbed my puke bucket and started pulling the pulley. After fifty feet my arms would shake till they were numb. Only adrenaline could finish the climb. At one hundred feet, my entire body convulsed as I reached the gap from the scaffolding to the windows. A gust of wind could make the three inch space into thirty feet and throw me over. Of course we had a harness, I unclipped after one-hundred feet. If I was going to fall I was going to die.

These people live by the nightly news’ and its reports of rapes, murders, crashes. We all listen for these metropolitan tragedies, evidence that our day wasn’t the worst. So all these people who aren’t watching, who are honestly happy, are now standing necks craned waiting, hoping. Hoping I didn’t tie a good knot or one of the pulleys is at cracking point. They’re all waiting for the evidence that their day won’t be the worst.

After two hundred feet I could never look down. I’d pass right out if I did, instant death. I would wash and pull going higher up, further from anything I could bear. Finally there it was, the top, the point where I couldn’t ignore where I was. I’d look only to see dots and lines, the bucket filled quickly. I stayed there as long as it took. Sometimes only a half hour sometimes several hours. The point was I stayed until I accepted where I was, how I got there, and the danger of it. Only when I accepted I could die would I clip back onto the safety line. Calm again I re-clipped, and prepared for the real hard part.

Chaos is the most certainty anyone can have. It doesn’t lie or discriminate. Chaos merely says, things will be, things have been, and you might not.

People often feel it’s the big challenges that end and change things. No. It’s the burnt coffee, slow traffic light, or the guy tapping behind you. It’s that every day you wake up more tired than the last. It’s that you’re net income is five hundred and taxable is nine hundred. It’s the weak smile when your parents said “I love you”, leaving you to wonder. It’s that we spend a third of our life preparing for it. Only to embark on the biggest let down of universal history. It’s only equivalent could be if the big bang had only created a single speck of dust. The big challenge in life is … taxes…midgets…the fact my dick isn’t 12-inches. My life would be perfect if I married a midget, didn’t pay taxes, and had a huge dick. Because of these things I’m standing on a cliff waiting to die.

What made it so I never got use to it was the next part of my ritual. The safety line ran the entire distance to the ground. At the last fifty feet the carabineer caught a clip. This slowed you to a stop, safely on the ground. If there was too much weight or force the clip might break. This meant there was still a chance to go all the way, hit pavement.

I’d clip to the line, check my harness and climb on the rail, breathe. Three hundred feet of hope to make those people happy, to have the absolute worst. The wind gusts around you pushing left, right, forward, your toes are racing to rebalance. Hope for the news to tell them their day wasn’t the worst. Calm, Breathe in, Breathe out, you’re never this alive anywhere else, breath in, go. Lean out and my feet go mad. Flying through the air all I hear is the loud roar of moving space. Free falling is most liberating feeling possible. The sensation of your body just going eternally. I’m flashing past the slaves, for a second, they wonder what they really saw. Two-hundred feet left the lines become buses, the dots crowd. Eye’s wide some well suited guy, confined to his blackberry, is mouthing 'please die'. The moment of truth. My heart stopped beating a hundred feet ago, it’s a snag. The cable jerks. Once I get closer I mouth back, sucks to be you. Ten years and that clip still catches, too bad. Police sirens roar and it’s all over.

These impossible to name, minute events, this is where lunacy is born. Every day something happens with a negative impulse. This impulse, this spark, is stored in your mind. Too weak to do anything this impulse remains stagnate. Dormant until thousands of other stagnate impulses join it. Then the bang. You get fired, bank forecloses your house, wife of thirty years leaves, anything traumatic. All of a sudden all those impulses race out of you. A hundred million volts racing through a twelve volt circuit. You don’t even know what to do. The rage is so intense you can’t talk, move, your arms just convulse at your sides. The guy next to you thinks, 'too much coffee'. Instantly you’re fried mush using broken hardware. Information gets stored wrong. Vision always slightly blurred, perception never quite right. This is what I secure myself against. I will never have a bad day. The second my day goes bad, hard packed concrete will push it from the front of my brain through the thalamus and squeeze itself right the fuck out of my nice little skull for all those happy little people to see. My life is a fucking masterpiece of joy. I will never see the day my dick goes limp or motivation stops. I am alive, reborn daily, I will never age for this impulsive adrenaline is a fountain of youth. Some say 'life is a train best kept steady', I say find your cliff and never stop falling.

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[lostbutalwayssomewherepanda-blog]

Lying to your parents at 30

There is something to be said about being unemployed, single, and moved back into your VERY ASIAN parents house at the age of 30. After being away for 6 years, you should have already forgotten how to lie and sneak around explaining your minute-to-minute daily life to your parents. However, at this point, there are really things you just don’t want your parents to know about. And this is how I went about getting around lying to my parents about sleeping over at a boys house the other night (I am apparently never allowed to have sex unless it is meant for making babies still). 

Upon impulse driven decision making, I decided to go home with a boy I had just met a few nights prior through a friend. Given, on this first official “date” or “hangout” we had already had sex and he managed to meet 10 of my closest/longest high school friends in one sitting, he asks me at the end of the night to go home with him to stay the night. And you know what, I wanted to, I didn’t see why not. But we sat in the car like a couple of 15 year olds trying to figure out how I would circumvent the interrogation I would get from my parents for not coming home that night. It is ridiculous in itself that I cannot go over to whoever I want’s place to sleep there whenever I want ALL because of my parents at the age of 30. So out of half want and half spite, I said fuck it and I’ll come up with a story in the morning. Yes, a story to tell my parents about why I did not come home last night instead of the truth. 

Low and behold, 8 AM, I get three phone calls from my parents and a text message “Where are you?!” I still hadn’t come up with a good story yet. But realizing the only times I would be out of the house that early in the morning is to either go surfing or hiking. I went with a hiking story, since I clearly did not have my boards with me that day. This is how the conversation went:

Me: “Oh sorry, ya, I went to Andrew’s place last night cause we wanted to go hiking early in the morning, so I crashed here.” 

Mom: “Oh, ya, if you didn’t answer soon, I was going to call Andrew next! You were so dressed up last night. You can’t go hiking like that! Don’t you need your stuff? Your hiking shoes to go hiking?” 

Me: “Uhhh....ya, uhhh I came home last night after the bar and grabbed them. And then we drove over to Andrew’s place.” (Fully knowing my shoes were still in the shoe drawer that they could easily open to see that they were still there). 

Mom: “Huh? Fine ok. Text us next time!”

Phew. Ok, got the story to start with. Problem: I am still wearing the same clothes from last night. I have no hiking shoes I have no hiking clothes. There is no way I would EVER go hiking in the clothes I was wearing. WTF am I going to tell them when I walk in through the door?!

My boy is late for work. Luckily I have a breakfast planned in downtown also, so he at least gives me a lift to where he works. You know what, I’m a little early, and I clearly need a walk to figure out my game plan, so I’ll just walk to where I’m meeting my friend. Oh 45 minutes walking? Sure, why not? Oh there’s Skid Row....hmmm, I’ll figure something out. I call my friends to have them 1) laugh at my ridiculous situation 2) figure out a story to tell. I somehow wander into the textiles district and realize I am going to be 20 minutes late and I honestly have no idea where I am. Shit, I walk way too slow. Fine, I’ll just call my friend that I’m meeting to come pick me up at whatever corner I’m at. 

Friend (when he picks me up) “Uh....why are you on this corner and how did you get here in the first place? Did you walk all the way from your house? Did the bus drop you here? Did your Uber get lost? Was it a hook up...?”

Me: “Ding ding ding!” Lol

Great, my friend and I catch up. Eat some breakfast. Look at some expensive furniture and dream of all the ways one day I will be an adult and actually buy some real furniture. Drive around The Broad a few times. Drive around the Standard a few times. Drive around Grand Central Market a few times. Oh and we’re not driving around in circles for fun, there’s just no god damn parking. Well, times up, he’s gotta go to his next friend meet up. We’re driving through the 2nd Ave tunnel, and he needs to turn left to get onto the 110. I give him a hug and jump out of his car literally in the middle of the road, 3 lanes across, so I can stand on another corner to catch an Uber home. 

I have the Uber drop me off at the movie theater cause I needed to check to see if my dad’s phone had been found from a couple days back. He has yet to tell my mother that he has lost it, and has me scampering around looking for it in hopes she won’t notice that it’s gone. Nope no luck. I call my parents to see if they need anything from the grocery store, and they ask me why I’m there and how I got there. Where I once again proceed to lie to my mother that I took a bus from downtown and I got off near the store. 

Mom: “Well, I’m eating lunch, so you’ll just have to walk home.”

Great, more walking. Well it’ll give me 2 miles to work out the details of my story for why I don’t have any of my hiking stuff on me. 

End story given to my very Asian parents: 

“Andrew was too drunk to drive home last night. So we decided to go hiking early in the morning. After the bar, I drove home to get my stuff and I drove us back and I crashed at his place. Well, when we were getting ready, Andrew really started to not feel well. I didn’t want to carry all my stuff around, so I left my hiking stuff at his place and took a bus/train to downtown to meet my other friend. After breakfast, I decided to go on an adventure and take a bus back here.” 

God, lying to your parents at 30 about sleeping with someone you could potentially start dating but you don’t want them to know about them yet REALLY sucks. Also, another tip: if you’re going to lie, try to make it as truthful of a lie as possible. Otherwise all the details get really confusing and hard to cover up.