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ifotoeditor · 5 months

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Remove Unwanted Object from your Photos: 10+ Stepwise Solutions

During my last vacation, I took tons of photos, but most of them had unwanted objects that I wanted to get rid of. This made me look for all kinds of user-friendly solutions to remove unwanted object from any photo. After trying several online and mobile editing apps, I have decided to shortlist some of the best solutions to erase object from photo. Read on and learn how you can get rid of any unwanted object from your pictures without any editing knowledge.

Built-in Tool on your Phone to Clean up Photos

If you have a Pixel device or a Google One subscription, then you can take the assistance of Google Photos to remove unwanted things in photo. Google Photos has a premium feature, which is known as Magic Eraser. Using it, you can just highlight an object that you want to remove from your picture and get rid of it instantly. Here’s how to erase something from a photo using Google Photos’ Magic Eraser feature: Step 1: Load your photo and choose the Magic Eraser feature Firstly, just launch Google Photos on your smartphone and browse the picture you want to edit. Once the picture is loaded on Google Photos, tap on the “Edit” feature from the toolbar. From the list of various editing features, select “Magic Eraser” and wait as your brush would change. Step 2: Erase unwanted things from your photo Using the brush, you can just select the object on your photo that you want to remove. Now, tap on the “Erase” button and let Google Photos remove the object from the image. Apart from erasing, you can also choose to camouflage the object and blend it with the rest of your photo.

Please note that this feature of Google Photos is only available for Pixel users or Google One subscribers.

5 Best Online Tools to Remove Unwanted Objects from Photos

Since the inbuilt editing tools on your system or phone can have limited features, you can choose to erase unwanted objects from photos online. Here are some of the best online photo cleanup tools that you can use. Tool #1: iFoto Cleanup With the help of iFoto Cleanup, you can instantly remove unwanted object from your photos. It is a part of the iFoto Studio that offers several visual editing features in one place (like background remover, AI fashion model, and more). - Using iFoto, you can easily remove logos, individuals, objects, watermarks, etc. from your photos. - You can just highlight the object that you want to remove and even fine-tune things by customizing the size of the brush. - Since iFoto Cleanup uses an advanced AI algorithm, no technical or editing hassle is needed to get the desired results. - iFoto yields exceptional and precise results by perfectly blending the image with the background. Here’s how you can also use the iFoto object remover online to meet your requirements: Step 1: Load your photo on iFoto You can start by visiting the iFoto website and loading your photo on the interface. You can manually browse the image or just drag and drop it on iFoto.

Step 2: Highlight the object to remove After the image is loaded, you can use its brush to select and highlight the object you want to get rid of.

You can also adjust the size of the brush from the side panel to make sure the entire object is highlighted.

Step 3: Remove the object and save your image Once you have selected the object, just click on the “Remover” button and wait as iFoto erases it from the photo.

That’s it! Once the object is removed, you can review the changes, and save the photo on your system.

Tool #2: Cleanup Pictures This is a dedicated online tool that can help you erase object from phone easily. Using its freely available version, you can export images in up to 720p quality, but for HD resolution, you have to update to its premium version. You can simply access its online tool and use its inbuilt brush to remove unwanted things in photos in the following way: Step 1: Load your photo on Cleanup Pictures Just go to the Cleanup Pictures website on any browser of your choice and load the image from your system. You can also directly drag and drop your image to the browser.

Step 2: Highlight the object you want to remove To remove unwanted object from your photo, you can just use its brush and highlight the object. Once the object is selected, it will be highlighted in green. You can also adjust the size of the brush from the bottom panel.

Step 3: Save your edited image After making the selection, click on the eraser icon and the object will be removed from the image. You can now preview the changes, make other adjustments, and save the photo.

Tool #3: PixelCut Magic Eraser PixelCut also offers a hassle-free solution to erase unwanted objects from photos online – the Magic Eraser tool. Using the tool is quite easy and you just have to highlight specific objects to get rid of them. Here’s how you can use the PixelCut Magic Eraser tool: Step 1: Upload your photo on PixelCut Start by visiting the online PixelCut magic eraser tool and uploading your photo to it from your system.

Step 2: Highlight the object to remove The PixelCut object remover online will let you highlight any image that you want to get rid of. You can undo the selection and even change the size of the brush, if needed.

Step 3: Remove the object from the photo After selecting the object, you can just click on the “Apply Magic Eraser” button from the side. This will remove unwanted object from your photo that you can review and download afterward.

Tool #4: Fotor Photo Cleanup Fotor is another reliable online tool that can help you erase object from photo. The only issue is that if you are using its free version, then the image would have a significant watermark. Also, at times, users have observed that its end results are not that precise. Step 1: Load your photo on Fotor To give Fotor Cleanup a try, just head to its website, and drag and drop your image (or browse it manually).

Step 2: Select the object to remove Once the photo is loaded on Fotor, you can use its inbuilt brush to highlight the object. You can adjust the size of the brush and can even do a “quick select” to save time.

Step 3: Remove the object from the photo After making the selection, just click on the “Remove” button on the side and wait as Fotor cleans up the image. In the end, you can review the results and download the edited image from Fotor.

Tool #5: Phot.AI This is an AI-powered tool that can help you remove unwanted object from your photos in seconds. You can use it for free to clean images of different formats such as JPG, PNG, WEBP, BMP, and so on and of a maximum of 5 MB size. Step 1: Load the photo to edit To erase unwanted objects from photos online, just head to Phot.AI and upload your image from your system.

Step 2: Highlight the object to remove You will get your image on the side and can use the tool’s inbuilt brush to select the object. In this way, you can easily highlight any object on the image and can also reset changes (if needed).

Step 3: Save your edited photo Once the object is removed, you can check the changes on the edited photo. You can click on the “Download” button and enter your email ID where the download link of the photo will be sent.

5 Best Mobile Apps to Remove Unwanted Objects from Photos

Apart from online tools, you might consider using a dedicated mobile app to erase object from photos. In this case, you can simply consider using the following Android and iOS visual editing apps. App #1: iFoto You can use iFoto as an iOS or Android app as well (apart from its online tool) to remove unwanted object from your photo. Just like its online tool, the app is also quite user-friendly and is equipped with tons of features. You can use it to remove any object from your photos and blend it flawlessly with the picture in seconds.

From removing backgrounds to changing the color of clothes and swapping faces to generating AI models, you can do so much with the iFoto Studio. To remove any object from your photo with iFoto, follow this drill: Step 1: Select iFoto Cleanup and load your photo Simply launch the iFoto app on your device and tap on the “Cleanup Picture” feature. You can now load any photo from your device storage to the app.

Step 2: Highlight the object to remove After loading the photo, you can use the inbuilt brush in iFoto to select the object. You can modify the size of the brush and seamlessly select the object to remove.

Once that is done, just tap on the “Remover” button and wait as the application removes the highlighted object.

Step 3: Save the modified image In the end, you can preview the results on iFoto. You can make further adjustments (if needed) or save the image by tapping on the download icon.

App #2: Snapseed Snapseed, which is owned by Google, is one of the most popular smartphone editing apps. While the app is not as user-friendly as other tools, it does provide free options to enhance your photos. You can use its “Healing” tool to remove some minor objects or blemishes from your pictures. Step 1: Load the image to edit on Snapseed If you are not using Snapseed already, then start by downloading it on the device. Afterward, tap on the add icon and load the image to edit on Snapseed.

Step 2: Remove any object of your choice Once the photo is loaded, go to the editing options, and tap on the “Healing” option to remove unwanted object from the photo. You can now manually highlight the object you want to get rid of.

Step 3: Save the edited image After healing the area and removing the object, you can zoom out to preview the results, and save the edited photo.

App #3: Adobe Photoshop Express Adobe has also come up with a lightweight mobile application that you can use to make all kinds of edits on your photos. It lets us get rid of prominent objects from our pictures and even clear skin blemishes with its dedicated features. To learn how to erase something from a photo with Adobe Photoshop Express, follow these steps: Step 1: Load any photo of your choice Firstly, you can launch Adobe Photoshop on your smartphone and then choose to load an image from your phone’s local storage.

Step 2: Remove the object from your photo Once the photo is loaded on Adobe Photoshop, you can go to its editing feature and tap on the “Healing” tool. Here, you can choose to remove any spot, do patch correction, or use Adobe’s Clone Stamp tool. For instance, if there is a spot that you want to remove, then you can use the brush and highlight the region. Tap on the done icon and let Adobe clean the spot, blending it with the background.

Step 3: Save the edited image After getting rid of the object, you can also use other features of Adobe Photoshop to edit your image. In the end, you can preview the changes and download the edited image to your phone. App#4: TouchRetouch TouchRetouch is one of the most popular mobile apps to remove unwanted object or clean up an image. The app is quite easy to use, and it provides dedicated options to remove objects, lines, clone stamps, and so on. Here’s how you can also use the TouchRetouch app on your phone. Step 1: Launch the app and load your photo You can start by launching the TouchRetouch app on your phone and tapping on the “Albums” button from where you can load your image.

Step 2: Select the object to remove As the image is loaded on the app, you can go to the toolbar and select the “Object remover” feature. If you want, you can also choose its clone stamp or line remover feature too.

Now, all you need to do is use its inbuilt brush to highlight the object that you want to remove (you can also adjust the diameter of the brush).

Step 3: Remove the object and save your photo You can even zoom in the image to make sure that all the edges are selected. Afterward, tap on the done icon at the bottom and let the app remove the selected object.

In no time, the object will be removed from the image. You can simply check the results and download the edited image.

App #5: Retouch: AI Remove Objects Lastly, you can take the assistance of the Retouch app to remove unwanted object from your photo. It uses a smart AI-powered algorithm that can automatically identify the edges of the selected object, providing a smooth finish and blend to the image. Apart from that, it also provides numerous other editing options like photo blending, portrait maker, background remover, etc. Step 1: Load the image of your choice To erase object from photo, just launch the Retouch app on your device, and tap on the “Remove Object” button from the home.

Step 2: Highlight the object to remove Go to the “Eraser” tool after loading the image. Now, you can use its inbuilt brush to highlight the object to remove. You can also adjust the size of the brush to optimize your selection.

Step 3: Remove the object and save the image Tap on the “Apply” button and wait for a few seconds as the application removes the selected object. You can now review the changes and simply download the edited image on your device. Read the full article

#AICleanup

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anonquack · 3 years

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| And Me? |

Alex Quackity x Reader, Oneshot!

Word Count: 2262

Warnings: None! Just some curse words.

Summary: Seeing how much time you've been spending with Bad recently just doesn't sit well with Quackity, and he's going to make sure your attention is returned back to where it belongs. With him.

You had been messing around with what was coined the "Feral Boys" on a Saturday afternoon. Your takeout order was placed on your desk, neglected by the loud clicking and tapping of your keyboard. You all had been throwing around random stream ideas, which proceeded to be bashed by everyone.

"Guys," Dream groaned, frustration clear in his tone yet there was still that softness that let everyone know he wasn't actually mad, "we've been on call for 2 hours and still have no stream ideas we like."

"Maybe if Sapnap didn't complain about everything." Karl quickly quipped in, the grin that was probably plastered onto his face was visible to you even with it just being voice chat.

Sapnap clapped back just as quickly, a little more edge to his words but just the right amount of teasing too.

"Yeah? Nothing works with your schedule. We gotta fit these ideas in with your Mr. Beast-filled schedule."

Quackity let out a laugh that made you roll your eyes yet smile fondly as you finally turned to look at your food, taking a bite as the call jumped right back into their previous banter, a helpless Dream trying to regain control and get everyone to work together.

It served as background noise as you quietly ate your food, inputting or agreeing with someone here and there, your stomach grateful to finally be getting some food. You'd been too busy earlier, and now you had the chance to eat and relax on call with friends. No actual streaming or anything, but still with the burden of coming up with new and fun stream ideas.

As you took yet another bite, your gaze fell onto your phone as the screen lit up, a notification coming through. You set your food down and grabbed the device, clicking on it and smiling once you saw it was a message from Bad.

Unlike whatever mess this call was, you had scheduled to record a video with Bad, and you assumed this message was to confirm that he was now available to film. After quickly reading it, your assumptions were proven right.

"Hey, Bad just texted. I'm gonna head out. Try not to think too hard while I'm gone, okay?" You said as you grabbed ahold of your mouse again, cursor going towards the disconnect button.

There was a mix of 'Bye!' and 'You think of some too, then!' and Sapnap's backhanded remarks that told you he would indeed miss you. You smiled, about to click disconnect before he spoke up.

"Bad? What are you recording with Bad?" The question caught you off guard, not because it came from Quackity but because no one had asked.

"Oh, well, just for a youtube video.. and I promised him we'd chat since I miss him." You admitted, cursor dancing across the screen as you waited for a response, if there was to be any.

"How come we didn't get invited?" Quackity asked, voice a mix of feigned hurt and disbelief of being 'left out'.

You playfully rolled your eyes, noticing a message come in from Bad yet again asking if he could call now. "You spend enough time with Bad as it is. Get in line, right now its MY turn. Now bye!! Seriously." You chuckled, hearing the start of a protest before disconnecting from the call and moving your cursor onto Bad's chat, quickly pressing the call button and waiting to hear his sweet voice ringing through your headphones.

—

As the small ping notified everyone else in the call that you had disconnected, Quackity let out a small huff, followed by George's small laugh.

"What was that?"

"What was what?" Quackity replied with a tired tone, fingers lazily typing up some email he had been procrastinating on.

"Was that jealously I smelled, Big Q?" Karl teased, letting out a laugh that was so contagious, eliciting laughs from the whole call, even Quackity couldn't help but laugh before letting out another noise of disapproval.

"No, what the fuck? It's just they didn't even contribute any ideas. Just sat and argued with us, and then left to go hang out with Bad." He reasoned, it was a half truth. It didn't bother Quackity at all that you'd been 'unproductive', he enjoyed your company so much and these past two hours had left him with a tummy ache from laughing too hard.

What he hadn't enjoyed was you dropping everything to go on a call with Bad.

It didn't actually bother him, it was part of the bit they had going on, where he was a Skeppy 2.0 and had to fight the other Skeppy copies, in this case YOU, for Bad's attention.

Right?

He could feel a migraine coming through trying to understand this new emotion settling in his chest.

Sapnap let out an amused laugh, mumbling a 'sure' but swiftly changing topics in order to not start yet another argument.

—

It had been about 4 days since the call with the 'Feral Boys' and the recording with Bad. Since then, everything had ran smoothly and you'd been extra productive, focused on getting the video edited and posted as soon as possible.

Currently, you were ringing Bad as he streamed on the server, wanting to make a quick appearance and also just bug him for a bit since you missed him.

Since it was a rather chill stream, Bad didn't fight away your affection, instead encouraging that you hop on the server and play with him for a bit. You couldn't say no to that, how could you?

Before you knew it, you were off your bed and on your chair, in front of your computer as the Minecraft loading screen lit up your facial features and Bad told chat and you about an event that took place this weekend while he was out shopping.

The hushed laughs and sweet stories being shared were soon interrupted by Bad letting out an annoyed huff. "Quackity is spamming me to let him join the call. Is that okay, Y/N?"

You nodded, letting out a hum of approval as you walked towards Bad's avatar that was currently standing still since Bad tabbed out. "Of course."

"Okay, Quackity I'm live, what do you want?" Bad warned before tabbing back onto minecraft.

"Why are you guys calling without me?" There it was, the same tone he had 4 days ago when he was 'upset' he got left out. Your eyes looked at the small message on the bottom left of the screen that let everyone know Quackity had joined the server.

"Because.. whats wrong with it?" Bad asked, confused, before happily following that up, "I was actually telling them about my trip to the store over the weekend."

"Yeah, he was," you mused, "before you rudely interrupted." You assumed he was here for a bit, the Skeppy 2.0s fighting for Bad's love and affection, bothering Bad for a bit before letting the stream go back to being a relaxing, chill stream.

"Yeah? Well I want to hear the story too. You'll tell me too, right Bad?" He returned, the joking tone in his voice confirmed your assumptions. This was a bit.

Bad let out an exasperated sigh. These bits were never planned beforehand, they just happened and unfortunately for Bad it was happening during his chill stream. "What are you two going to fight about now?"

"I have one. Why were you guys recording without me? Hm?" The chat exploded with confusion and excitement for a new video from either Bad or you, possible video ideas being thrown around in chat.

"Because." You deadpan, "If you can do it, so can I."

"That's different." He says every single syllable with precision, as if he is preaching something of upmost importance. "You two spend way too much time together now."

Bad says something to try and interfere the banter he knows is about to take place, chat is going crazy about the Skeppy 2.0s fighting for Bad's love. "So much for a chill stream." He mumbles to chat as his character watches you and Quackity hitting each other. With your fists, since it was deemed a 'fair fight' by both.

After about 3 hours, Bad decided he'd had enough and began saying goodbye to chat. There was a content smile on your lips as you made your character crouch beside Bad's, letting out a small and content "Bye chat!". Quackity had stayed the 3 hours as well, and was yelling his own goodbyes. As soon as the stream ended, Bad let out a small laugh.

"Sometimes you two are just too much." He said, the smile evident in his voice. "Do you guys enjoy bothering me that much?"

"Aw c'mon, Bad. You know we love you tons. And you know damn well you enjoy it too." Quackity teased, which earned yet another exasperated sigh from Bad.

"Okay, well I'm heading to bed.. I'm exhausted. Thank you two, for joining me tonight.. I had fun." He said softly, which automatically made a frown appear on your lips.

"Of course, Bad! I had fun too. Thanks for letting us join. I'll call you tomorrow, yeah?" You offered, to which he hummed. There was a few more goodbyes exchanged before the ping notified you both Bad was gone.

There was silence for a bit as you finally got out of the server and shut minecraft off, wanting to rest your eyes for a bit. Maybe even head to bed yourself.

"You'll call him tomorrow, huh?"

Your eyes closed and you leaned your head back against your chair.

"Bit's over, Quackity." You chuckled, not up for yet another banter about who deserved Bad's love more.

"When's the last time we called? Now it's just Bad this, Bad that."

Your eyes opened, your eyebrows furrowed as you stared at his little profile picture that had its green ring fading around it.

"What?" You said in pure disbelief.

"You heard me." He mumbled. "Video recordings, streams, calls. And me? Nothing. Not one crumb."

"What about you?" You teased, amusement growing as you realized the past 3 hours had not been about Bad, at least not entirely.

"Don't make me actually say it." He complained, which only helped make the smile on your face grow.

"Use your words, Alex. I can't read minds." You gently bit at your bottom lip in anticipation, and in poor attempt to hold back the laugh that was threatening to escape.

"Where's my calls? My recordings. You can't just randomly strip away all your attention from me and dump it on Bad."

"I didn't even do that." You protested, before letting the laugh escape your lips. "Plus, you should be greedy over Bad's attention, not mine."

"Maybe it's not for a bit, asshole? Did you think of that?" He asked sarcastically, earning a scoff from you.

"So you want my attention yet you're going to proceed to call me an asshole?"

"Yes." He breathed out.

"You didn't deny it." You hummed in slight approval. Usually he'd shy away from showing any actual clinginess or affection, and yet here he was, declaring with his whole chest that he wanted attention.

"Because I'm serious. Do you think this is a joke? Is that what I am to you?" He said dramatically, to which you shook your head.

"Of course not." You hummed before smiling at the absurdity of this conversation.

Maybe it was the lack of sleep finally catching up to you and now you were imagining things.

"So? Does this mean I'm getting daily calls, recording videos with you, and streaming together whenever? Even on the alt?"

"Now you're just asking for too much."

"It's the bare minimum you can do for treating me so poorly and neglecting your responsibilities."

"Neglecting my responsibilities?" You repeated in disbelief.

"Yes." He declared. "Ignoring me for Bad is neglecting your responsibilities. A.K.A. me."

"I wasn't ignoring you, Alex." You tried to reason, though he would not listen to any reasoning.

"Yeah, yeah. So what? Do we have a deal?"

You paused and thought about what he was asking for. It really wasn't much, and he was most likely joking, but it was very endearing to see him ask for attention so openly. Especially from you.

"Did you miss me, Alex? While I was off on calls with Bad, talking about who knows what until who knows what time.. were you missing me? Thinking about me?" There was a teasing tone to your voice, but you also genuinely wanted to know.

It was clear that it caught him offguard.

"I mean.. yeah– what do you want me to say? No, fuck you. I didn't miss you at all. That's why I'm on call with you whining and bitching about how you don't give me enough attention and I want more. Specifically from you, please."

His last few words came out more hushed than the rest, and it brought a smile onto your face.

"Okay."

"Okay-?"

"You don't have to go on.. I'll give you the attention you want so badly from me." You said, the grin on your face growing more at the sound of happiness he let out.

"I guess directly asking for stuff isn't too bad, hm? I'll have to give props to Karl later for the advice."

You raised your eyebrows in amusement. "You asked Karl for advice on how to get my attention-?"

He let out a small groan, "Let's not talk about this with anyone, yeah? Just give me my attention and shh."

You hummed, "Whatever you say, Alex."

#alex quackity #quackity #quackity x you #quackity x reader #quackity x y/n #gender neutral reader #quackity brainrot #quackity scenario #help pls #streamer #quackity headcannons #quackity imagines #jealous quackity #bad is very tired

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the-bau-quinjet · 3 years

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Round 2: Tik Tok

Bucky x reader

Part 2 to Round 1: Fruit Snacks

Summary: You enlist Peter to help you prank Steve, Sam, and Bucky.

Warnings: Language!

Word Count: 1795

a/n: Ahh, part 2! Gotta love tik tok. This entire part was inspired by the first Chris Evans tik tok I linked... I linked all the tik toks I referenced, but the descriptions in the fic have been edited a bit to better fit the scene!

Masterlist

"Peter!" You called to him from the other end of the hallway as he entered the elevator. "Hold the door!"

He smiled back at you, holding the doors open as you ran down the hallway.

"Perfect. I need your help." You whispered as the doors closed, never knowing if a super soldier could hear you or not. You had an evil glint in your eyes that clearly said you were scheming.

"Oh, okay. What do you need Ms. L/N?" His eyes were wide, never having seen you this devious before.

"Peter. How many times have I told you to just call me Y/N? You make me feel old, and I am not old." You huffed, stalling for time.

"Right, Y/N. Got it. What do you need my help with?" He asked as the elevator doors opened.

You peaked your head, looking both ways before exiting. You gestured for him to follow you, exiting the compound and walking toward the gate where May was picking him up after a date with Happy.

"I need you to play the video on this flash drive at Tony's next party." You said when you reached the end of the driveway, handing him the mentioned flash drive.

"Why?" He took the device, albeit with a bit of hesitation.

"Because, I'm pranking Steve, Sam, and Bucky. They tried to get me the other day and failed miserably. Honestly, just watching them on edge has been great, but it's time for payback." You smirked, knowing the prank wouldn't do any real harm.

"Oh, Mr. Stark told me about that!" His eyes were wide with recognition. "Good job with the fake crying, I would've loved to see it."

"Well, you can help me get them back if you play that on the projector screen at Tony's next party." You nodded toward the flash drive, wanting to confirm the plan.

"What is it?" Peter looked nervous, unsure if he should get involved.

"Don't worry, it's nothing bad. Just a few tik toks I found from fans. Three for each of them." You smirked, already picturing the blushes. This would really get Steve and Bucky more than Sam, but when you came across the first video you couldn't not do it.

"Alright. I'm in!" He smiled, happy to help you. "But, why can't you just play the video?" He questioned, obviously not well versed in the world of pranks.

"Because, if they see me doing anything out of the ordinary at the party, they'll know something's up. I have to act normal, so it's a surprise." You outline the plan, explaining the need for two people.

"Why me?" He asked again, genuinely curious.

"Because, they won't think I'd go to you for help. They think you'll do anything to get them to stop teasing you, so they won't see it coming."

Peter nodded, understanding your logic. "Wow. You've really thought of everything." He smiled as May pulled up.

"I know. It's going to be great." You smirked, turning and running back inside before anyone could see you.

The night of the party, it took everything in you not to wear the world's biggest smirk.

Sam, Bucky, and Steve have been on edge ever since your warning, waiting for you to strike. They were huddled by the bar, appearing deep in conversation.

"Hi boys." You greeted them from behind, causing them to jump at the intrusion.

Sam recovered first, smirking at you. "Y/N. We've got a theory."

You raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue.

"You warned us about your next prank, and then planned nothing." You bit your lip, trying to appear deep in thought.

"Interesting theory. What do you have to support it?" You tilted your head to the side, waiting for more of an explanation.

"It's been a week, and you haven't done anything." Steve started, less confident than Sam, but still sounding sure.

"I haven't?" You questioned, enjoying watching them squirm. "You sure?"

Bucky shook his head with a grin. "You're doing it again. Trying to make us paranoid."

Your gave them your sweetest smile, running your hand up and down Bucky's arm. "Whatever you say, dear." You said it with mock reassurance, then walked away grinning.

The three men shared a look, trying not to seem overly paranoid, but failing.

You felt eyes on you for the entire party. There was never a minute at least one of them wasn't watching your every move. You were fairly certain they were even keeping tabs on Wanda and Nat, just to make sure you hadn't enlisted their help.

You chatted with Nat, Wanda, and Pepper, danced for a bit, and ate some food, all while ignoring their stares.

Around 9:30, Peter managed to get the video queued up. All eyes were on the projector screen at the sudden noise.

A tik tok started playing, flashing different images of Steve as the music played.

"Hush hush hush, blush blush blush, you are now my big fat crush."

Steve's face grew redder as the video played, turning into a tomato by the end.

"Love me, and hug me, and touch me. And well, fuck me."

Another video immediately started playing, also featuring pictures of Steve.

The caption read "Let me present to you: Steve Rogers Walking" backed by some sexy music.

"When marimba rhythm starts to play, dance with me, make me sway."

Clips of Steve walking, whether it be in uniform from a news clip or in suits from press events, graced the screen.

He was hiding his head in his hands, too embarrassed to even think you could have done this. He had been watching you all night, you couldn't have set up the video.

Bucky and Sam laughed as a third video started to play.

The on screen text read as follows:

"People: how do you sleep at night? Me:"

A girl fell into her bed, swaddled in a blanket covered in pictures of Steve.

The screen flashed black for a few seconds, making everyone think the impromptu display was over. That is, until a new video began playing.

A heavy bass started thumping as a girl appeared on screen, counting down with her fingers along with the sound.

"3, 2, 1."

Sam appeared on screen, a plethora of his most used interview and press clips being played.

He was enjoying the praise, although slightly embarrassed at the video being played in front of all these people.

Another video began playing, showing Sam acting out different Avengers in a game of charades.

"Oh!" It was highly edited to draw attention to his amusing sound effects.

Finally, a clip from an interview Sam did with Steve and Scott came up.

"The problem isn't the kids, the problem is the parents."

You knew he wouldn't be embarrassed by the same things as Steve, so you chose a few random videos you found to call him out for not always thinking before speaking.

The screen flashed black again, transitioning to videos of Bucky.

A clip that had gone viral from Sam's account was edited with new music, resulting in the crowd hearing Bucky say:

"Suck my dick!" Followed by the song "if you gave me a chance, i would take it."

These videos were really just for you. You watched them so many times while looking for the three best ones.

Although, Bucky's wide eyes and rosy cheeks definitely didn't hurt.

The next video began with Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake.

"Take it to the chorus. Come here girl."

Pictures of Bucky flashed across the projector screen, showing off his physique. You don't know where fans find this pictures, but you loved them for it.

The last video of Bucky was a pov someone made about yours and Bucky's relationship. Although the two of you were flirty, nothing had been discussed.

Maybe that's why you chose this one.

You and Bucky were having a fake conversation that went as follows:

Y/N: "Bucky, I like your last name."

Bucky: "Oh thanks, that's sweet."

Then, in sync with the music in the background:

Y/N: "Can I steal it from you?"

Bucky: "Of course, doll."

Y/N: "What'd he sayyyyy?"

The crowd laughed at that one, knowing how the media and fans speculate about your relationship.

Finally, the screen went dark, no more videos lined up to play.

You made your way over to the guys as everyone resumed their normal party activities.

"What a show guys. Really well done. Don't forget to thank your fans." You slow clapped, enjoying their flustered faces.

"How long were you planning that?" Steve, blush just beginning to fade, questioned you.

"I've had the video made for 6 days. I started planning the second you left for the store." You grinned, enjoying the high of a good, harmless prank.

"We've been watching you all night. How did you manage to queue the video?" Sam questioned, eyes narrowed.

"I had help." You shrugged noncommittally. You wouldn't give up Peter's role in the prank unless he wanted you to.

"From? We had eyes on Nat and Wanda." Bucky questioned further, but you just shook your head.

"I can't reveal my sources." You laughed again at their matching looks of annoyance.

Suddenly, something clicked for Bucky.

"So, you chose all of the videos?" He sounded so curious, you couldn't help but fill him in.

"I did. It didn't take long. The internet is full of videos of the three of you. They were pretty fun to look through." You laughed at a few videos you opted to leave out of the montage.

"What's this about you liking my last name then?" Bucky had a new confidence about him with this question.

Having expected this question at some point, you had already thought of how you would answer.

"Well, the fans want what they want. Maybe we should give it to them." You stepped closer as Sam and Steve awkwardly shuffled away.

"You think so, doll?" Bucky relied, hands moving to your waist.

"I don't see why not." You closed the distance, pressing your lips to his in a moment you had been thinking about for months.

You moved together, pulling each other closer even when you were already chest to chest.

Eventually, the sound of a throat clearing caused you to break apart.

Tony was playfully glaring at the two of you.

"L/N, if you ever use my protégé to pull a stunt like that again, at least include some videos of me." He whined.

You laughed at his statement, having expected him to be annoyed at you interrupting his party.

"Can do Stark."

He walked off as you turned back to Bucky, whose mouth was hung open like a fish.

You gave him a questioning look as he sputtered.

"Parker helped you?!"

Permanent tag list:

@averyhotchner

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draculiza · 4 years

Text

What less social media is doing to me

I've deleted my Instagram app a month ago and it's been amazing. I've been using that app intensly for about 4 years, which was mostly a lot of fun, but I've also had my moments where I just wanted to delete it all. There were always things that made me stay though, like keeping up with my friends and just enjoying creating content. But I finally did it, the app is gone and I feel amazing.

The second I deleted it I was so relieved. I felt like I could breathe and this big chaotic and messy IG drawer in my head was free to go into the bin. Yes, Instagram was always swirling in my mind and ever since deleting it I've noticed just how much it's been present in there.

Chapter 1 • how social media can be toxic

I would spend so much time thinking about what I could post on my feed, what would look good, what place I could arrange aesthetically so I could take a nice picture. Sometimes taking pictures would take so much time, without even taking into account how much time I spent editing the pictures, deciding on what order I could post them in and what caption to use. Oh man, the CAPTIONS. I could not for the life of me ever come up with a caption. That shit must've taken up so much time of my life and I was often so fed up with that part of it, but I felt like I had to. It was a whole thing.

Next to that I would spend my days off doing makeup, putting outfits together and taking a million pictures just for the sake of posting some on IG. I did it solely for making content, I was setting a scene that just took so much effort. I didn't have to go anywhere or do it for myself, so it didn't go naturally, you know? It's hard to describe, but I hope you get the gist.

So like I said, I would dress up just for pictures and it would always make me so tired. It's a routine I got used to, but I didn't enjoy doing it. I'd get ready, take pictures, then edit them and be super tired because I've spent hours doing it. I never did it for myself and yes, while it is fun to look back on and see those aesthetically pleasing pictures, the joy of seeing that doesn't outweigh the negative feelings and effort it took to create them.

There is nothing wrong with taking time to create pictures of course, if you enjoy doing it, all the more power to you! It's just not something I'm going to do to myself anymore. I'll still dress up, but only if I have another reason for it, then the pictures will be a fun extra!

So yea, personally for me it's just become very toxic and it took up too much of my time. Not only because of what I've talked about, but also the fact that there's friends who post pictures and stories and me wanting to keep up with those aswell. It just became a bit too much.

Chapter 2 • the positive changes

There's so many things I want to do in my free time. Like keeping up with my hobbies, go outside and walk around in forests, doing things in life and really be present while doing so. When I was active on instagram I'd constantly think about creating content and with everything I did I'd debate whether or not it'd be fun to capture it for my story. Taking that away made me be so much more present, my mind is much more focused on the things that matter and spending my time not in front of a electric rectangle device has just become so precious.

Beautiful things I see or little moments I have are just for me now, they're not tainted by taking pictures of it and taking time to upload it to a silly social platform. It's just happening in the moment and I'm there to capture it into my memories alone. It's so nice.

Here are some things I've noticed since deleting the app:

• My mind isn't super chaotic anymore

• I register more that's going on around me, I'm more present in life

• I'm not as fussy about appearance

• I'm more positive

• there's no weight constantly dragging me down

• I just generally feel better about myself

It's the little things, like not caring as much about my hair anymore. I used to be so focused on the way it looked at all times, because you know, what if I felt like taking a picture? I just made everything so complicated for myself.

Now I care so much less about my hair and it's given me the freedom to play around with it a lot. Because if it doesn't look good it doesn't matter! The thing that matters most now is comfort and me having fun with it. But the funny thing is that it actually looks better now that I'm not being so careful with it anymore, haha!

I'm also taking so much less pictures of just insignificant shit. I don't need to keep up with an IG story or constantly search for pictures that look aesthetic enough to maybe post on my feed. I don't whip out my phone for every little thing and it just feels so freeing to not have that going on in my head all the time anymore.

Chapter 3 • put time in happy things

I was afraid of missing out, but every time I log onto Twitter now I'm just like 🤷 I really don't miss anything. It's just a lot of noise and useless information that I used to consume so much, but really don't see the need of consuming anymore. My quality of life doesn't increase from it so why would I interact with it? This doesn't apply to any of my friends though, I'm still happy to see their tweets and see how they're doing. They are the only reason I'm not off of Twitter yet too.

It's just weird. I used to be SO into instagram and social media in general, but when I think about it now I'm like what's the point. It kinda feels meaningless now. And I think that shows a lot of character development! I'm becoming a better version of myself and deciding to increase my own quality of living instead of choosing to share everything on the internet. It's one of the best things I've done for myself.

One last thing I'd like to mention is that I also have more time to read now! I haven't really done so yet, but I've started reading my all time favourite book again and it is just so nice. I've just gained a lot of time I used to spend scrolling through timelines, that I can now use to pick up reading and other hobbies I enjoy!

I'm sorry if this has become a long post! If you read it all the way through; just know that I appreciate you very much and I hope that if you're struggling with your relationship with social media you'll consider taking some time off, because I assure you that it'll be very refreshing for your soul. Even deleting your apps for a week will bring loads of change in your mental health!

The best thing you can do is to put your phone away and look around you and do things in real life! Take walks, do a puzzle you never got round to doing, start drawing things, read that one book you always wanted to start but didn't. There's lots of things to do that can make your life much more valuable to yourself. Social media is so toxic and I'm so thankful to myself to have stepped away from it.

I chose to live my life more authentically and that's such a wonderful decision I made. Life is precious and I'm here to live it! 🖤

#thoughts #social media #instagram

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snowdice · 4 years

Text

Folds in Paper (Chapter 2: Green Light)[Folds in Time Universe]

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Relationships: Janus/Patton, Remus & Roman, eventual Logan/Virgil (maybe more)

Characters:

Main: Janus, Patton, Remus

Appear: Remy, Emile, Virgil, Logan, Roman

Summary: Janus, a disillusioned senior agent working for the Time Preservation Initiative, struggles to find meaning in a world where time travel could change everything about your life’s history in less than a moment. When time distortions start popping up, threatening the timeline and the fabric of reality as he knows it, it becomes a race against the clock to fix the damage before everything unravels. And the problem with time travel… you never how long you have before the clock strikes 12 and your time is up.

With a partner who has more mysteries in his past than Janus had anticipated and an enigmatic free agent time traveler mucking about time always with a clever pun or a time appropriate pet name on his lips, Janus will need to figure out what went wrong with time, and more importantly, how to fix it.

Notes: Time travel AU, mystery, enemies to lovers, alcohol

“Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that’s no matter – to-morrow we will run farther, stretch out our arms farther…” (F. Scott Fitzgerald in The Great Gastby)

This is a fic I’ve been writing on study breaks that you have probably all already seen at this point. I’ve slightly edited it for wording and grammar, but not for content from my previous posts. Feel free to send in asks to direct it because I’m not 100% sure where this is going and you can help decide if you feel so inclined! You can see the process I went through to build this at this link.

Part 1

The morning was just as torturous as Janus had expected it would be. He chewed through another pop-tart, this time bothering to actually check and see that it was a cinnamon-sugar one and drank three cups of caffeinated orange juice. Then, he waved his hand through the air and selected the first saved location on his device. He popped up directly behind his desk where he’d been standing the night morning before.

Someone, probably Remus, had shut his integrator down. He swiped a finger across the power button, and it flickered back on, scrolling through its morning start up routine.

The machine scanned through all of the data in the three main system it was connected to and sorted all information into things that concerned him, could concern him, and did not before then sorting the first two categories into order of importance. As it did, he set up his screen reader so he would hopefully not start the day with more of a migraine than he already had. It took about 3 seconds for everything to turn on and settle.

Sitting down in his desk, he dismissed the notification that Remus had finished and submitted the report from their mission the day before, before looking through the next things on his list. A mission had been scheduled for him today, and the details were in his inbox. A piece of time travel technology had been accidently dropped by an archology student in the 1890s during a trip. It was an earlier model of emergency time travel given to time travelers that would dump them back into the Registration Office in the year they originated. It wasn’t extremely dangerous, but could pose some problems, especially if someone who didn’t know what it was activated it.

Surveillance agents had tracked it down and found that it had been picked up by a local and sold. Though no one from that time had known what it was, they had identified that it was made out of a precious metal and it had been crafted into an expensive necklace. Janus and Remus were supposed to retrieve it today. It had been pinpointed that the most opportune time for the extraction was 1923 during a masquerade ball held by those who had bought the necklace. It was a fairly low stakes mission.

He wasn’t set to leave for another couple of hours, so he clicked through the rest of the important notifications and then set off to meet his missions coordinator, Rhi, in her office.

Rhi and Janus got along fairly well. She was a well put together woman who took her job incredibly seriously. It was fair as her job was to organize all information and materials from every other department and make sure the agents she was assigned to got and understood all of it. A mistake from her could lead to an agent’s death or something far worse.

This, of course, made her relationship with Remus… interesting to say the least. Janus could never place whether they were nemesis, frenemies, or mortal enemies, and he doubted he would ever know.

“Okay, but it’s the 1920s America,” Remus was already in her office arguing when Janus arrived. “There were so many gangsters! I could be a gangster. I would make a fantastic gangster! Just give me a gun, a snazzy suit with a white hat, and a buttload of alcohol. I will be running Chicago with Al Capone in five minutes.”

“Al Capone didn’t become a crime boss until 1925 and you are going to 1923,” Rhi said, sounding bored, “you aren’t going to Chicago, and as I have already stated, your cover is already decided.”

“But-”

“It is nonnegotiable, Agent Clockson,” she said firmly. Remus pouted, but seemingly accepted his fate.

“May I come in?” Janus asked.

“Please do,” Rhi said. “You have been to the 1920s before, correct?” she asked Janus.

“Yes ma’am.”

She tapped the screen on her desk in response. “In the last two years?”

“About two months ago,” he responded. She tapped something else.

“Any blacks, reds, or yellows?” she asked.

“All green.”

“Great. Do you need a refresher course on basic cultural or linguistic procedures?”

“No.”

She pushed one more thing and then swiped the check-in document over to him. He glanced at the report stating he’d had no incidents of any level the last time he visited the 1920s and had opted out of the optional refresher course, and then pressed his finger against the screen to sign it with his fingerprint.

The document returned to her side of the desk automatically. “Okay,” she said swiping another document from her left over to be in front of her. She twisted her wrist to copy it and slid copies to Janus and Remus. “Here are exact details on the time, place, and event you are going to, as well as details about your cover.” Janus scrolled through his quickly. It wasn’t as detailed as some he’d had considering this was a brief in-and-out mission, but he still took care to memorize everything on the page.

As he and Remus read through their things, Rhi got to her feet and turned to the storage compartments behind her desk.

She grabbed out two packages and when they’d both signed that they’d read and understood the paperwork, she slid them across the desk to them. “These have everything you need,” she said. “Clothes, money, and an invitation to the party you’re off to attend. You are to get changed now, have a last check in with costuming to make sure everything is in order, and then report to decontamination in 23 minutes. You’re set to leave in 38 minutes. Any questions?”

“How much-?” Remus started.

“None, agent,” Rhi said.

“But-”

“No alcohol,” Rhi said. “It is the prohibition era in the United States anyway.”

“Like there’s not going to be alcohol at the rich people party,” Remus said sullenly.

She pressed her lips together. “It is an in-and-out mission,” she said to both of them, and then turned to glare at Remus. “Do not get arrested.”

“I don’t know,” Remus said joyfully. “I think I still have room for a 1920s mug shot on my wall.”

“Behave,” she said, “or I’ll report you for the cat you smuggled in from the 1800s.”

“You’d never,” Remus said. “You enjoy the cute pictures of Diesel Fuel I send you every day too much, and you know it!”

“Just… don’t get arrested.” She turned to Janus. “Don’t let him get arrested.”

“I’ll do my best,” Janus promised, standing. “Now come on, Remus, we need to get changed.”

“You just want to see me naked,” Remus replied with a wink, but he did stand.

“If I see you naked one more time in my life Remus, my eyeballs will fall out of their sockets,” Janus said, waving to Rhi as he pulled Remus out of the door.

“Kinky.”

Janus’s eyeballs almost did fall out right then and there with how hard he rolled them.

They got changed quickly, Remus complaining and saying if he couldn’t dress like a gangster, he should at least be allowed to wear a flapper dress. Janus had long ago learned to ignore his ramblings. He did seem enthused about the included mask for the masquerade. It was a silver fox shaped mask with green accents that reminded Janus of the Egyptian God Anubis.

Janus’s own mask, on the other hand, was only designed to take up the left half of his face. It was mostly golden with a black swirled design. Attached to the side, there was a plume of golden tipped white feathers. He had to give it to the costuming department, they did have good taste.

Once they were both dressed, they were poked and prodded by one of the costumers to make sure everything was accurate, fit right, and had been put on correctly.

After that, they went to the decontamination area to have themselves and everything they were taking with them sterilized so they didn’t accidently take any pathogens to the 1920s. They also received an oral vaccination to be sure they didn’t pick up anything from the 1920s and bring it back.

Then they were ready to go. The correct time-space coordinates had already been sent to their timepieces. With a push of a button, they were off.

Want to read more? Click below!

AO3 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9

#sanders sides #janus sanders #patton sanders #remus sanders #moceit #analogical #(eventually)#virgil sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #remy sanders #emile sanders #folds in paper #folds in time universe #adriana writes

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ikilledamoth · 3 years

Text

'How I thought my boyfriend was dead for three years straight.'

Hi.

So this post might be incoherent, a mess and also also might not be of interest to anyone but I want to write it down and let it out.

I am not a good writer so the timeline might be a mess especially since its been years after some events and my memory tends to fail me.

I'll try to document as much information as I can here but there might be gaps. The post might also be quite long.

Before I start, trigger warnings for:

depression, suicide mention, drug and alcohol abuse mention, abusive family mention.

1: Introduction to Past.

I used to be here on a different account however, I've lost access to it. (old email, no longer remember it, it's been years after all and I never thought I'll use this app again.)

My boyfriend's name on here was @slightly-depressed-niko-boy. Do excuse the content there as it's rather depressive, having been written in a quite bad period of time for him.

Niko is neurodivergent and at the time of using this app (2017) pretty mentally ill, and been in a rather abusive household for his whole life. His parents are physically and mentally abusive. They have always been extremely manipulative and controlled his life to the point where... Well... He had basically no autonomy. They were in control of his social media at many points, controlled his devices, forced him to stay at home at most times and cherrypicked who he was and was not allowed to speak to and hang out with. Whilst doing all that, they still managed to trick most people into thinking that they were a rather picture perfect family. Pretty nasty people.

As you may notice, I'm writing in a present tense.

2: Last Events.

In 2017, I was lead to believe that Niko died.

It was all almost too masterfully planned, really. I had no reason to believe that it was fake. I was at the scene when things happened, as well and had no reason to deny the claims made by Niko's family, combined with what I saw.

To anyone that I lead astray and made believe that Niko was gone: I am truly, truly and genuinely sorry.

I would never try to lie to anyone about something like this. I knew how much he meant to his friends and I would never try to hurt them by confirming he was gone. I believed that it was true and I was devastated at the time myself. I felt my whole world falling apart, I did. I had no reason to think that it might not be true.

I have never had any malicious intentions.

Niko had to go inpatient due to what I was informed was an OD. And what I was told was a su¡c¡d€ attempt. Later, I was informed by his parents it was a successful one.

At the time, I felt devastated. I was not thinking clearly, being too hurt to be rational. I did not notice all the red flags and the sketchy manner in which Niko's parents behaved. I did not realise that they might have had ulterior motives. I was dealing with grief, having lost a friend of many years and someone that I truly loved.

Given that it all happened about four years ago, I do not remember much details. I tried recalling things but due to the traumatic nature of those events, I was left grasping at the little bits that I can still remember. I can't remember many details, or who I spoke to at the time. In fact, couple of years ago I managed to forget about all of that, somewhat. To a degree.

I could never forget my boyfriend and years I've spent with him, of course, but with all happening in life, I managed to move on enough that details of those traumatic days turned into a blur.

However, that changed in September 2020. Three years after the events.

3: Introduction to Present.

At that point, I have moved out of my old house and no longer associated myself with the area where Niko and I used to live.

As I would like to keep some privacy, I'm not going to mention details of locations and institutions where I went, etc, however I will mention that I went to a university in a completely new town.

I did not know many people here, besides those that I met online during freshers events and whatnot. It was a fresh start, in a way.

In many ways, I am no longer the same person I was in 2017, and I'd like to ask people that knew me back then to try not to fully associate me with whoever I was back then. I'd like to also apologise if I've ever done anything that could have been of harm to anyone for I was just a kid, thinking that the world's a bit of a playground. I'd like to ask people to give me a chance to introduce myself properly as me, and not that person from the past, who functioned as nothing else but a romantic partner of someone online.

But I digress.

4: First Encounter.

Weeks past, and I began to meet new people, explore new areas, visit new places. One of friends from my course added me to a groupchat where we could get to know each other all a bit better. The group consisted of way too many people, so I wasn't the most active there, however it was a bit of a mix of different people. Not limited to my course, or even, as I'd soon find out uni.

And that's when I saw a familiar name that caught my attention.

You know, there are plenty of people sharing names and surnames. The world is so big after all. I didn't think much of it at first, because well... After all, Niko I knew was long gone.

Not.

Curiosity spiked, I started talking, wanting to double check if that person I saw in the groupchat was really a stranger.

I did a bit of digging and given it's almost five in the morning as I'm writing it, I'm not going to go into much detail, just yet. (might edit this post later, I just want to post it as soon as I can)

It's not that difficult in the digital age, really. Everything is kind of... Out here for you to take in.

That's when I found out, my boyfriend never died.

5: The Lies.

I know all of this sounds crazy, but I need you to listen. In a span of few weeks, I realised that past years of my life were a lie. That my grief was unnecessary. That my pain was created because someone tried to intimidate and scare me and anyone that Niko was ever close to.

At first, I felt cheated. I felt like my best friend faked his own death, but he did not. He did not, and I need people to know that he did nothing wrong, and in fact, after all these years needs more help than ever.

I want to reach out to people that were friends with him, ever spoke to him briefly. And also reach out to those who knew nothing about him and tell you : Niko is alive, but he is not safe and sound. And I am all alone in this mess, and I need some help. I need support from people that knew him. I need support from people that might care. Because I can't do it alone.

That's what the current situation looks like:

Niko's parents forcibly put him inpatient for longer than necessary to make his friends believe he was dead. They took his electronics and made him lose access to his old accounts by getting rid of his old phone number. They cut him off from the outside world. They threatened to hurt him and used intimidation tactics to make him cooperate and turn him into a doll in all of this.

I was told they put down his cat as a punishment for unknown reasons and after months of his hospitalisation, moved towns for again, unknown reasons. Niko was then homeschooled due to his, apparently, unwell mental state. He had no access to the outside world. No more social media, school friends, nothing. He was cut off in the world that made everyone else think he was dead. And they succeeded. Even I firmly believed that Niko was gone. And I feel deeply ashamed to admit it. I feel like I failed him and many of his friends by not investigating further, however I was still a kid at the time and there wasn't much I could do. I didn't think the situation was as messed up as it was.

After years of being under almost a complete supervision and a suicide watch even, Niko continues to be controlled by his parents, despite being an adult that deserves autonomy. I can explain the situation further in messages.

Even though I managed to speak to him again, after all these years of thinking he was gone, every time he seemed like there was someone listening, watching over his shoulder.

6: The Present.

I am currently formulating a plan to free Niko from the abuse that he is experiencing with his family. I need to get money to do so, therefore it's nothing I can do instantly, however I've been reaching out to various foundations to see what can be done. My current plan is to find a way to transport Niko out of his house into a temporary accommodation where he can stay away from his parents, ideally with someone who can help him stay safe. I need money for that, though, as accommodations, even emergency ones can be quite pricy if you're not on benefits.

As its very late right now, I'm ending this post right here. However I will edit and update it when I can and I just want to let it out into the world. Sorry for keeping it so long. If you read so far-thank you.

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saiilorstars · 4 years

Text

Illuminated

Ch. 2: Enough // Part 1

// Seren’s Masterlist //

Fandom: MCU // Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC

Chapter Summary: **One-shot series. After three years of secret communication, Seren and Steve can finally see each other for one night and clear the air between them.

Taglist: @ocfairygodmother @anotherunreadblog @maaaaarveeeeel @stareyedplanet @perfectlystiles

[If you’d like to be added to this specific OC’s stories/edits, send me a message!]

A/N: Part 2 as I said ages ago!

As a reminder, I picture this OC to look like the actress Mariluz Bermúdez with green eyes and short ginger hair.

"Hey, Twinkle Star!"

Seren rolled her eyes and did her best to focus on her training session. Of course she should've known better than to think Tony would leave her alone so easily.

"Twinkle Star!" He walked further into the room.

Seren stopped altogether and turned to face him. "Seriously, when are you going to stop calling me that horrendous nickname?"

Tony smirked as he learned forwards to flick a strand of her hair. "When you dye this orange hair back to your actual color."

Seren swatted his hand away from her. "Shut up."

"I think you'd look good as a blonde..." Tony pretended to consider the image of her with said hair style.

"Seriously, be quiet." She made to turn away but stopped to clarify something. "And I was originally a brunette, by the way. Get your facts straight."

"Brunette? Really?" Tony made a face. Seren nodded at him. "You can pull it off."

"Is there a reason for this lovely, and early, conversation? I thought you and Pepper had a whole day planned or something..."

"Yeah, we do but..." Tony scratched the side of his head, for once looking truly reluctant about something. "Pep's got this idea..."

Seren raised an eyebrow at him. "What is it?"

"She wants to set you up on a date," Tony managed to say it all in one go. He hated being word-less. That was terrible.

Seren's eyes widened 'till they couldn't anymore. "What!? Why would she want do to that!?"

"These whole blind date things are not my thing but..." Tony bobbed his head. "This time I feel like Pepper might be onto something."

Seren shook her head. "And you were doing so well, Tony!"

"What? So it's a crime to be worried about one of my friends?"

"Tony!"

"Seren, you're one of the few people who stayed behind," he said, still earnestly which was brought Seren down from a soon-to-be anger. "Everyone else sort of...switched on me."

"Tony..." She shook her head. "They didn't fight you because—"

"It doesn't matter, they did it," he shrugged. "But you didn't. You didn't fight anyone. Three years later and you're still here." He smiled at her for a moment but even then it was sad. "But I'm not an idiot. You're not happy and it sucks because you can't wait on Rogers forever."

"I-I am not waiting for anybody!" Seren exclaimed, her face momentarily flustered at the idea of him (or anyone else for that matter) thinking that.

Tony didn't seem the least bit surprised with her reaction. "Yeah, you are. I knew about you and him even before you two did. That's why I know these last 3 years have been hard for you. Seren, you can't wait for someone who's never going to show up."

"I really don't feel like talking about this," Seren said quietly.

Tony understood but it didn't mean he would let things continue the way the were now. "Let Pepper do this, let me do this." Seren leaned on her hip and cocked her head, completely unimpressed with him right now. "Don't worry, I'll vet the guy. Deep background check and everything."

"I'm not...interested in dating anyone, alright?" Seren decided it was best to get out of there. She already had similar conversations with others before and it never ended on a good note.

"Seren, c'mon," Tony went after her, much to her dismay. She had to stop at the doorway and when she turned around, she found him right in front of her. "You think I'd set you up with a loser?"

"No, that's not—"

"I have connections—"

"I'm sure that you do but..." Seren sighed. Even just thinking about having a date with someone unsettled her in oddly ways.

"I'll even have Pepper supervise if that makes it better!" Apparently with that, Tony thought it was all good to go. He clapped Seren's shoulders with a grin on his face. "No loser, trust me!"

"Wait..." Seren called when he hurriedly left her. A date? "I can't do that," she whispered to herself. Why shouldn't you? She looked to the side. Her little voice did strike up a good question. Why shouldn't she? As much as she hated to admit, she was very single. To anyone else, there shouldn't be a problem with a blind date.

But as if it were fate's way to remind her why she held out, her peculiar watch device on her wrist blinked a soft red.

Seren looked around for anyone and when she was sure that she was safe, she opened the message.

When I'm with you, my hope grows,

You feed the love in my soul,

And without thinking, time has stolen my breath.

Yeah, this is why. Seren could only picture Steve sitting down, taking a moment out of his day, to write that stanza out for her. For three years, this was how they communicated with each other. There was something between them but neither had the courage to say it clearly, especially when their conversations were limited to messages. The best they could do was recite their favorite poems to each other. For three years, it'd been enough.

Right now, Seren couldn't say with certainty that it was still enough. She headed for her room, making sure to lock it once she was inside, then headed for the bed-stand. She opened the drawer and pulled out her poem book. For the past 3 years, it'd been their way of communication. It baffled Seren that Steve actually remembered each poem. She could easily take a glance at the book every now and then but him? She was sure that being a fugitive of the law left little time to go buying poem books. He remembered them and he wrote them to her constantly, continuing their cautious dance of admitting their love for each other without having to actually do it, without having to acknowledge it. Because what if she said it with all its colors and he didn't say it back?

Seren took in a small breath. Her fingers gripped the poem book. Despite hating to admit it, Tony may have struck a truth. She couldn't continue living like this. Sending messages wasn't always going to be enough. Yes, she loved Steve but he wasn't there with her. More than that, he may not even feel the same and this whole time their "dance" had been nothing at all.

Bearing all that in mind, Seren decided to be brave just for a moment. One moment would lead her to either end this messaging or do more.

What will be of me if I don't have you?

Send.

She would purposely withhold the next stanza for a few minutes. It wasn't like her to send him just one line. He would definitely know something was different.

And true to that, Steve picked up on the change of tone. It was a bit startling, frankly, considering how long this had been going on. But when Natasha poked her nose into his business, as was her usual, she let him on the secret.

And then he was frightened even more, to which Natasha would kindly laugh and point out how that was more frightening than being on the run?

Steve would answer a full 'yes' because this wasn't about something as malleable as that. This was important. It was Seren. He was ashamed to admit that in the beginning he thought these poem messages wouldn't last long. He loved Seren but he wasn't sure what she felt, and with his unique situation she couldn't possibly tie herself to him. She had every right to move forwards with her life.

Three years later, it seemed like Seren was on the verge of doing it and he felt sick. He didn't want her to move forwards. However selfish it sounded, he didn't want to lose her.

"Go see her," Natasha would then advise him.

"You know I can't do that," he would of course respond with.

"Yes, you can. Wanda's doing the same thing with Vision and we both know that she's not 'keeping space'. Why shouldn't you do the same with Seren?"

That was a good question, alright. Why shouldn't he be able to see her even for just a moment? But, doing that would mean putting her at risk.

"Leave that up to her to decide," Natasha told him.

Fair. That was fair. He would never want to take Seren's choices away. He looked down at his communication's device that always remained on is wrist. (He never knew when he would get a message from Seren).

Taking a similar moment of bravery, Steve decided to message her not a stanza but something completely out of their norm. When Seren read the message, she couldn't believe her eyes. She had to reread it several times before deciding that she wasn't seeing things.

They were coordinates. And a date. Coordinates and a date. Despite all the nerves she felt, and there were a lot, her lips ultimately pulled into a wide smile. Her act of bravery hadn't been a mistake. She would be seeing Steve soon, very soon. Next week. Could she wait that long? Could she keep it a secret that long? Because in the next few days, everyone around her could see a huge difference in her mood. It brought several questions aboard but nothing pulled her down.

Two days before the lucky day would have Tony coming to tell her that he'd found a viable candidate for her blind date. Not even that would affect her.

They were in the kitchen discussing the matter, or rather one trying to persuade the other. The fact that Seren seemed more amused than anything else was baffling Tony thought he could use it as an advantage.

"He works in the Human Resources department, talks to Pepper everyday—he's all about the people. Definitely your kind of guy," Tony motioned her entire being, resulting in her laughter.

"You think that's my type?" Seren planted her arms on the kitchen isle and gave him an amused smile.

"Your past choices say that!" Even though Tony hadn't meant anything wrong with his response, it cleared the smile off her face.

Seren pulled herself away from the isle. "Look, I appreciate the attempt but I'm really not into the idea."

"Seren, c'mon. This Saturday night. Double date to ease the awkwardness."

"I'm actually going to see my parents this weekend," Seren moved around him, hiding her slightly wide eyes. "I don't know if I'll make it back in time."

Tony turned with her. "It doesn't matter. We can reschedule if that happens. I just want you to meet him."

"Tony—"

"Please," he insisted. "It won't hurt but it can sure help you move on."

Seren looked away. She didn't like idea of lying to him but in this situation, she had to. "I don't know if I'll make it back..."

"We can reschedule if that happens, no problem. You'll like him, Seren. I was very serious when I did this." He smiled at her, urging her to let loose for a bit. She tended to be so serious sometimes. Eventually, she smiled at him too.

"Okay, fine. But I'm leaving tomorrow."

"Sounds good to me!"

Seren playfully rolled her eyes but as she headed for the hallway, the guilt got to her. She stopped under the threshold and looked back. "Hey," she called to Tony, "Thanks. I do appreciate your intentions." Tony gave her an earnest nod in return. "I just...I don't know if I can do that."

Once more, Tony nodded and watched her leave. She was too odd even for her half alien, C.I.A. self. "Seren?" he called to her before she would disappear.

She stopped and looked back at him. "Yeah?"

Tony stared long and hard at her, something that made her shift. He noticed it but he wouldn't point it out. She seemed afraid and that was the last thing he wanted. He was too smart not to guess close enough to the truth. He suspected something like this would come one day. And instead of being confident, be smug even, she was afraid.

"Tony, did you need something?" she asked.

Tony cleared his throat and shook his head. "No, um..." He took in a breath and sent her a smile. "Just...thank you." Seren blinked with natural confusion. "Thanks Twinkle Star, for everything."

Seren couldn't help but smile at him. She didn't understand where this was coming from but she would take it nonetheless.

~0~

It was evening when Seren found the place the coordinates led to. She made herself some time to get there in case there were conflicts but thankfully, everything had been calm so far. She was pleasantly surprised with a modest bakery that stood in front of her. It was a bit rundown and there were only a few people inside but it was perfect for what the situation. They couldn't risk meeting in a more public place even if they were one state over. Now she just had to wait.

She gripped her bag's strap over her shoulder, practically digging her nails into it. She felt a little self-conscious standing outside, especially in the evening with few to no people on the streets. Maybe she was drawing more attention just by standing there. Should I go in? Or would it be even more attention-worthy to sit by yourself without ordering? Seren suspected she would have a headache if she didn't figure this out soon.

Her communications device on her wrist flashed a soft red. Seren quickly opened it up to see the new message.

If you are not with me I feel empty hearted and I cannot breathe,

In your arms, by your side, is when I feel I can breathe,

There is nothing left to say nor change.

Seren's heart thumped with feelings. Her lips fell into a smile the more she reread the stanza. For all she knew it, it could be a way for Steve to apologize for not being able to make it.

"Can I take you inside, ma'am?"

Seren jumped in her spot but she would be damned if she felt scared, never with that voice. She lowered her arms to her sides and turned around. She was smiling so widely it could've cracked her face. "I don't know...are there cinnamon rolls in there?" Her attempt to be casual was an utter fail but she was confident that Steve would never tell her.

"We could find out together...?" He returned with the same tone. Seren laughed softly. Steve held his breath soon as he heard it. He forgot what she sounded like and even now, he couldn't relish it enough. He stepped towards her, wanting to be as close as possible to but since he wasn't sure what she wanted, he had to stop a few inches from her.

Seren lost her own breath at the sight of him. "Hi," she said, unable to help the shine of tears in her eyes. It was surreal being able to see him again.

"Hi," he looked down at her. She looked exactly how he remembered and pictured her each day. Her usual sparkly green eyes were enhanced with her make up. Her lips were plump and with a dash of pink lipstick, matching her cheeks. He could see a burgundy silk dress peeking under her khaki-color coat. She was beautiful. Time could pass her by and she would always be beautiful. He missed her so much.

"You look different," Seren raised her hands as if to touch him but she stopped midway. He might not want her touching him. "Does the beard help you hide or...?" She tried to be as casual about it as possible (yet again) but she really liked his new appearance. He wore a black, long sleeved, buttoned-up shirt with dark pants to match.

It was Steve's turn to laugh. "Ah, sort of. Well, yes, actually. It does."

Seren leaned forwards in her amusement. She used to always lean on him when they were having a moment, whether it was a joking matter or not. She caught herself, though, and tried pulling herself away when Steve caught her wrists. It startled her but in such a good way that it didn't even matter. "I've missed you," she said quietly, far more frail than she ever wanted to be. She felt the squeeze of his hands around her wrists. "A lot. Did you?"

"Yeah," he nodded. He slid his hands from her wrists to his hands. "You wouldn't believe the amount." He brought her left hand to his lips for a kiss on her palm, something he always used to do. He held her hand closely to his face afterwards.

Seren could easily believe him. He never lied to her. She pulled her hand out of his grip, doing the same with her other one, and cupped his face. She half-smiled at the way he leaned into her touch. She was warm, exactly how he remembered her. "Wherever you've been, I'm glad that you came back to me...even if it's just for one night."

Steve nodded. "I never thought I'd be seeing you like this," he confessed. "I'm sorry for this—"

"Shh, no," Seren cut him off before he went with a senseless apology. "I'm just glad you let me come see you. I know the risk you're taking coming to see me. I see it, and I..." She trailed off to swallow hard. Still afraid!? She was. Even when she has him standing in front of her, she was still afraid of saying it and getting a rejection in return.

"You want to go inside?" Steve asked her, eyes briefly flickering over her head to make sure nobody was looking at them oddly. He specifically chose the neighborhood for it's near solitude. "I don't know about cinnamon rolls but I'm sure they'll have something for us."

Seren nodded. "Mhm." She took her hands from her face, about to slip them into her coat's pockets when Steve took one to hold. She was happy to let him lead the way in. He held her hand tightly like she would slip away if he loosened his grip even for a second.

Unsurprisingly, there wasn't a lot to order from at the late hour.

"I'm sorry," Steve said when they started for an empty table. "I hoped there would be at least one one cinnamon roll for you—"

"It's fine," Seren said quickly, waving him off with her free hand. "I didn't exactly come here for a pastry." She stopped by their table and turned to him with a big smile on her face.

"Yeah? Exactly what did you come for, then?" Steve asked her, almost losing the urge to smirk. It was the question he kept asking himself in the last few days. Seren was risking her own freedom coming to meet him. Why? She didn't have to; she was choosing to.

Seren ducked her gaze as soon as she felt her face warm up. "I missed you," she said quietly and turned away to reach her seat. She wasn't lying but it was still only half of the truth. Nothing wrong with baby steps, she told herself. "I said that already." She unbuttoned her coat and pulled it off, revealing a silk-satin burgundy wrap dress with long puff sleeves underneath. "And if I recall correctly, you said the same thing too...right?" She left her coat draped on her chair then looked at Steve for his response. If he was going to put her on the spot, she was going to return the favor.

He gave a half-nod. "Yeah," he agreed. His eyes trailed her over while she stood waiting for more of his response. He was speechless, as it turned out. Yeah, he really missed her. "You look beautiful."

Seren blushed. She thought she would be overdressed yet at the same time she wanted to look nice. It wasn't an ordinary night. "Thank you."

They sat down together after a short awkward moment passed by.

"Is everyone good?" Seren had to ask. "Are they...safe?"

Steve nodded. "As much as they can be. We move around a lot. It's for the best."

"But you came back here," Seren said, momentarily looking down at the table. "I know everything you're risking right now. Are the others mad?"

"Not at all," Steve surprised her. He smiled when her gaze snapped up. "Seren, they love you. If they could have, they would've been here too." But they had all collectively agreed that he should see Seren. He wouldn't mention that to Seren. "And just so we're clear, I want to be here."

Seren's lips curved into a timid smile. "I'm happy," she whispered. "Because the last time we saw each other...it wasn't good." Even thinking about it now struck her with the same raw pain as she'd felt that day.

"I know," said Steve. "You have to know that I'm so sorry for all that. You were the last person I wanted to harm. I left you alone because I didn't want to drag you into my mess. I wanted you to keep living your life just like you always had. So, what have you done since then?"

Seren shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know, nothing spectacular..."

"Seren," Steve's face fell flat.

She groaned. "Okay fine, I've done my fair share of missions for the C.I.A. and with Tony. Oh—" she snapped her fingers, "—I've visited Scott and Clint. They are doing fine in their house arrest deal. And really, I say 'visited' in a very loose term because, you know, house arrest and whatnot but I was able to talk to them and..." She trailed off with another shrug, though this time with a grin. "They're doing fine and I swore to them that I had no way of telling you this but I guess now I just told you..."

Steve laughed with her way. He couldn't get enough of her. In fact, this was the first real laugh he had in 3 years. Seren Soul was his light and she had no idea. "It's good to know that they're going to be okay."

"They are," Seren nodded. "And, you know, Tony's doing good too. Rhodey...he's good too. And..." she lowered her voice, "Bucky is too. I have constant communication with T'Challa. You don't have to worry about him, even though I suspect that's what you do half your time."

"It's just hard not to," Steve admitted. He spent the better part of his life trying to save Bucky and now that he kind of had, he couldn't even see him. "But that's why you're here. You look after everyone, just like you always do."

Seren smiled. "I try my best."

"It's why you don't deserve to be in this situation with me right now." Steve knew as soon as he said the truth it would cause a rift between them.

"Hey, don't," she shook her head. "I sent you the line. I wanted to see you again. It's selfish, really, because I did it for a reason." She took in a breath before continuing. "Tony's setting me up on a date tomorrow night. A double date. I don't know who he is but Tony says he's a good man." A short pause followed in hopes that Steve would say something but when Seren met his gaze he wasn't even looking at her.

He shifted in his seat. Of course he knew it was more than right for her to go on with her life. She was beautiful, intelligent, loyal and had a hell of a power. Any man would fall for her. He would know. "Seren, I..." He was at a loss for words again. What could he say? 'No, don't go on a date. I love you.' He was pretty sure that was selfish.

It's selfish to love her? Okay, maybe that wasn't exactly selfish. Loving her wasn't selfish. It was...the best thing that happened to him. So then tell her!

"Tony always liked you," he said after what seemed like ages for Seren. "He would pick someone good for you."

Disappointment flashed across Seren's eyes. "That's it?" she whispered. "That's all you have to say?"

"Seren, I don't know what you want me to say..."

If you are not with me I feel like I'm in a void, dying from the cold,

If I'm not by your side I loose my senses

Seren finished reciting the stanzas with a huff. "Your turn."

He knew the next line, yes he did, but it felt wrong saying it in this situation. The messages he would send her were from their special poem book. It was what he felt. He would never say it to prove a point.

"You're always on my mind, Steve," Seren sighed. She stretched a hand across the table to grab his hand. "You have to know that by now. I-I tried to say it the last time we saw each other but since I couldn't say it, I sent you that stanza. It was our poem book. We read every poem in that book, we talked about each line, each stanza. We understood its meanings. You had to realize what I was trying to say in that first message. Please." She squeezed his hand, urging him to speak.

"I had an idea," he admitted. He wasn't completely stupid when it came to women, at least not anymore. "But I never talked about it because...because of where we are. Seren, I love our messages. You have no idea what it means to me each time I see a new message from you. The fact you still give me the time of day after all this, after three years...you've no idea. But this is our reality, and it's not good one. The best thing you can do is go on that date and live your life."

Seren pulled her hand off his, partially out of anger. She couldn't believe her ears. "Maybe this was a mistake," she whispered. This had been her fear from the start. Rejection. The worst part is that she hadn't even said it. She'd only gotten a part of it out and it already blew up in her face.

"Seren, I'm really sorry." Steve felt like a broken record. How many times had he apologized to her already? He kept messing things up and this time it seemed to be hurting her even more.

"I think I should go," she muttered, her arm already stretching back for her coat. She was stupid to think this would actually go somewhere.

"No, Seren—"

She had put on her coat, albeit a little crookedly, and stood up from her chair. "I was an idiot for even considering that this whole thing would-would turn out like this!"

"Turn like what?" Steve was quick to get up as well. Things had gone bad very fast!

"Like this!" Seren frantically gestured between them. She reached for her purse hanging on her chair. "Because I wanted you to say something different! Something..."

"Something not bad," Steve said quietly. He understood her perfectly now. "Seren, I wish things could be different but...they're not."

She nodded slowly, her eyes still teary. She looked away for a second as she tried gathering her words. "Sending those messages, getting them, they always filled me with this warmth right here," she placed her hand over her heart. "Knowing that you knew the lines to our poems, that you were writing them for me...it was everything. It was enough." She willed herself to meet his gaze even though she knew she had to look like a mess. "But now it's not. It's not enough to have words anymore—I want you. I love you."

How long had he waited to hear that? Steve could lose count if he got to thinking about it. She was vulnerable with the truth and with his silence. What could he say to her? Before any of this mess started, he would've been over the moon to hear her say that. He could've given her a lot more than he ever could right now. "Seren, you know that it...we couldn't..."

"I know," she said. "I know that it's logically impossible. Logically, I shouldn't have said anything but to be fair, neither of us should have started those messages three years ago. We both knew what it was: a dance. A dance around the words that we wouldn't say to each other." She moved around the table until she stood directly in front of him, head raised to look him in his eyes. This was as brave as she would ever be. "I don't want to dance anymore. I can't do it. I wasn't lying about what I said through those poems. 'There's so much to invent and nothing to fake. I fell in love with you.'" The best part of that poem and she had to go saying it for this moment. Seren couldn't find a better moment than this. "

"This isn't fair," is what came out of Steve's mouth seconds after thinking of it in his head. There she was, looking beautiful as ever, saying she loved him, and waiting for him to say it back. And it wouldn't make a damn difference in the end. Because when the night was over, he would have to go in a very different path than her. He would leave the state and who knew when he would be remotely close to her again?

Someone cleared their throat but it was neither of them. A waitress had come up to them with their order in her hands. "Your orders...?" She could sense the tension in the air.

Seren tore her gaze from Steve to look at the young woman. "We're sorry, could you make that to-go? We're sort of done here." The waitress nodded her head and left in a hurry. Seren wouldn't blame her. She'd love to run out of there too.

"Seren, I'm sorry," Steve finally said. She looked. back at him with the saddest of eyes, something he was responsible for.

"Don't worry. It's my fault too," she shrugged. "I had the chance to say it multiple times and I didn't." If she had said it the first time she realized it, the first night they'd been together, maybe things would've turned out differently.

Steve wouldn't lie to himself and say that it wouldn't have made things different between them. It hurt like hell having to pretend like their night together had been something accidental and casual. Nothing serious. "Can I...can I take you back to where you're staying, please?"

Seren would offer him a small smile. "Yeah," she nodded. The night had been cut short but she still wanted to take one last walk with him. "You don't have anywhere else to be?"

"No," he said quickly.

After taking the pastries they'd ordered, something neither of them could even remember what it was anymore, they left the place. Seren had done her due diligence by staying at a hotel decently away from the shop. It was even under a different name.

"Celeste Guedes?" Steve found himself asking after he'd heard the name.

Seren flushed. "Uh, that was actually going to be my name. Don't worry, my parents never shared that with anyone except for me."

"Hayley," Steve tried the name out and looked at her questionably. "I don't know about it..."

Seren playfully rolled her eyes and led the way into the elevator. "Yeah, that's what they said too. Also, it just 'didn't have the same rhythm'—" she raised her hands to do quotation marks, "—as 'Seren' did."

"I agree," Steve said wholeheartedly. "Plus, your name has a perfect translation..."

"I know," she said in a manner indicating she'd heard it one too many times. She pressed the floor number and watched the elevator doors slide shut.

"...star soul..." Steve said with a smirk that grew when he heard her sigh.

"Don't make me hurt you. You know that I can."

Steve nodded. One of the things that made her unique amongst everyone he met in the new world is that she could indeed "make a dent on him" as she once put it. Just thinking about it made him want to laugh.

They descended from the elevator with a less terse tension between them. Seren brought him inside her room and soon felt the awkwardness she had prayed to God wouldn't find them. She left the pastry bag on the table, along with her bag. She pulled her coat off and chucked it to the table's chair.

"Look, Seren," Steve started once he felt their time coming to an end, "I know things didn't end well but I'm thankful that you came to see me. You've no idea how much that means to me."

Seren nodded. "You don't know what it meant to me for you to risk coming in the first place. I...probably shouldn't have acted the way I did back there..." Steve moved to tell her not to even apologize but she was quicker than him. "I'm sorry. I put you on the spot. It doesn't have to end nicely but you know what? I don't regret telling you."

"But I hurt you..." Steve said, looking at her with the amount of guilt that only he could carry.

Seren shook her head at him. She walked up to him, her hands about to lay on his shoulders when she hesitated. "I hurt you, Steve. The morning after...I know I did. I should have said the truth but I was afraid. It's no excuse..."

"Stop," Steve managed to cut in. He was sure if he let her go on she would apologize for hours. He cupped her face, eyes begging her to listen and just stop talking. "You want to agree on something? We both messed up. Yeah, you should've said something that night but you know what? I could've fought harder too. I could've done something instead of letting you walk away. We could've had something but we both made mistakes. It's not just on you."

"I don't want to walk away from you again," Seren said. She could feel the sting of tears in her eyes. "I don't want to make the same mistake again."

Steve could smile at that. He gingerly splayed his fingers over her cheeks. "It would be my mistake to let you ruin your life just to follow me, not to mention selfish."

"I am very okay with that," Seren said much too easily to be serious, at least that's what Steve thought. It was hard to be sure when her tears were rolling down her face.

He cleared a few of them with his fingers. "It's not okay."

"Then what do you want me to do?" she asked on the verge of frantic. "You want me to go on that date that I don't want? Meet some man that I know I won't like? He's going to try and hold my hand, hug me, kiss me! Is that what you want because I don't want that!" And she was sure that he didn't either, if there was anything to think about when she felt his hands stiffen for a second. She struck the nerve.

"No, I don't but what's the alternative? You waiting for me forever?" Because Steve knew that she was very capable of doing that. He lowered one of his hands from her face to her side. He had an idea of where this was heading and, just like earlier, he wanted to take advantage of every last moment he could have with her. He nuzzled his nose against her cheek, taking in light breaths. She smelled so sweet, "Call me crazy but I'm not very fond of that either."

"So you're going to let me go?" Seren whispered. Whether she wanted to or not, her body would shift each time Steve's hand happened to move along her side. His fingers felt soft even over her dress' material. She brought an arm over his shoulder, hoping to keep him close. "Metaphorically? And physically?"

Steve stiffened again. He pulled back slightly to meet her eyes. "You're not being very fair." Seren raised her head, leaving very little space between them. "You know exactly what I feel."

"I do?"

"Yes!"

"I don't think so—"

"Seren—"

"What would that be, then?"

Steve paused to look at her. Her expression had stayed calm as ever which was only that more annoying right now. He was losing it and she knew it. He was going to end up giving in...but would that really be a punishment? Not now but later. That was the thing. Right now was different. He could pretend for one moment that reality wasn't terrible. It wasn't unfair.

"Oh lovey, I don't like this any more than you do," Seren said with a sad smile. "Be kind to yourself. What do you feel?"

"You really want to know?" Steve couldn't believe he had to even ask that. He'd shown it already; moments that had surely gone over her head in the past. But there was actually a part of him willing to admit to a bit of disappointment that his feelings hadn't been made clear during their unplanned night together years ago. There was only one way to make things absolutely clear. "You're what I love the most, what I've dreamt to love." A smile started spreading across Seren's face as soon as she recognized the lines. "You're my light every morning."

Seren couldn't possibly smile any bigger. "What would become of me if I can't have you?"

The winning question.

It had a foul answer that even Steve didn't want to think about. He'd been doing it already and he wasn't sure how much more he could take. "Seren?"

"Hm?"

"I love you." Saying it out loud for the first time lifted a heavy weight from his shoulders. It was no longer his secret and he was oh-so-fine with it.

Seren might have felt the fuzziest of feelings hearing those words. She smiled softly at him and raised her hand to his cheek. "I know..."

"Did you always know?"

"...no." Seren pulled her hand from his face.

"Did you ever wonder?" Steve met her gaze to study every detail of her expressions. He had to know if she did.

She looked away from him, whether out of guilt or to simply think about it he wasn't sure. "Not in the beginning," she admitted. "Everyone knows you were always sweet to everyone. I just thought since you met me first, I was a little special."

"You were," he agreed. "But it wasn't solely because I met you first. You didn't ever consider it could've been more?" She shrugged slowly. Steve didn't miss the faint blush on her face. "Seren?" he called to her with a light smile.

"I don't know, maybe!" she shrugged again. "The fact is, I should've but I didn't and I'm so sorry."

"Hey, I didn't ask to make you apologize," Steve couldn't help the amusement in his tone. "I've just always wanted to know..."

"Did I disappoint you?" she asked with a decent amount of fear in her eyes.

"No, never sweetheart," Steve cradled her face. "You could never." Seren actually pouted which only made him want to laugh. How could he not love her?

Yet another winning question. How could he not love her? How could he stop? Unlike the earlier question, these had answers.

"Seren?" He traced light circles over her cheeks.

She loved his touch. "Yeah?"

"I'm not sure what...what we're supposed to do now..." There were a couple ideas running through his head but he wasn't sure how well they would go.

Fortunately, similar ideas were occupying Seren's mind too. She was aware the space between them had gotten smaller but it wasn't enough (what an irony). "Tell me I'm yours," she said, deliberately avoiding his eyes for a second. She didn't think she could handle that rejection.

"You're mine," Steve said without a second thought. She was absolutely his, if there was anything to get from this entire discussion.

Seren smiled at him. "And you are mine." Her arms slid around his neck and, to prove that she could very well match his strength, she pulled him down.

Their lips met in an abrupt crash but it didn't last long. Whether they cared to admit it or not, the familiarity of each other was still there and it was strong. So strong it was that it was frightening how quickly they craved for each other. Steve's hands fell to her sides, bunching up her dress in fistfuls. He touched her skin every now and then but he was well aware that it wasn't enough. He wanted more—he always did. She drove him crazy and the time apart only amplified his feelings for her.

He didn't have time to wonder if she felt the same intensity as he did. Her arms around his neck had unwinded to come down on his chest. Her fingers toyed with the buttons of his shirt for a few seconds before deciding that the time for hesitation was more than over. She pulled them apart, surprisingly without ripping them. They shared a muffled laugh between them that only lasted seconds in favor of the moment.

Seren helped him pull the shirt off him afterwards. "You're staying tonight, right?" she asked him.

Steve couldn't think of any other place he'd rather be. His arms slid around her back, his fingers already searching for the opening of her dress. "If you'll let me," he decided to play with her. He smiled when she rolled her eyes.

"Don't you dare—"

Steve turned her around unexpectedly and rested her back against his chest. "Don't you dare what?" He asked beside her ear.

She shuddered with his kisses on her shoulder "I...have no idea," she admitted. It sounded like she lost air. Not even his short laugh was able to ruin her. She reached an arm back around his neck, her fingers gripping his skin each time he kissed down her neck.

Eventually, he had to pull the zipper of her dress down if he wanted to keep trailing her shoulders. She shifted a bit as the dress started falling below her shoulders.

Steve paused when he saw the familiar birthmark at the end of her shoulder. When Seren followed his gaze, she had a moment of panic. A nice perfectly-shaped star mark that grew up with her was always a reminder that she wasn't normal. She wasn't just a human.

"Hey," she started, voice frail, "If it's too much..."

"Too much?" he repeated, eyebrows knitting together in a momentary confusion.

"You know...out of this world..." she raised a finger to the ceiling in her referent to space.

Steve would've laughed if he didn't know her struggles with that other side of her. They'd gone into full discussions about the matter in the past, after all. "You are out of this world, sweetheart." He pressed a soft kiss on her birthmark. "I was always afraid I wasn't going to be enough for someone like you."

Seren turned around at that, her expression startled. "You? You are..." She lost her air again but, just like the last time, it was such a good feeling. "You're everything to me. I'm sorry it took me so long to tell you." She shifted in her spot until her dress was able to sink down to the ground.

Steve was baffled by the sight of her, just like the first time they were together. Some things never changed. "I love you," he blurted. Seren laughed when he realized how he'd said it. "I—that's not how I meant..."

Seren couldn't take him sometimes. Even when he had everything in front of him, he still couldn't quite grasp it. "Someone else would've kissed me by now."

Steve had no doubt about that in his mind. She was breathtaking and just waiting. "Yeah." His hands caught her body in the abrupt manner he'd dove to kiss her. There would be no talking, certainly nothing to make him fumble. He wanted her, he loved her, and he was going to send that message tonight.

~0~

It was far too early for anyone to be up. The sun was only just peeking in the sky. It should've been a relatively calm Saturday morning—it was for everyone else. For others, it was bittersweet.

"When do you have to go?" Seren's whisper didn't even sound like a whisper in the dead silence.

"...yesterday." Steve felt the shake of her body when she laughed. He smiled to himself.

She draped her arm further over his body and readjusted her head on his chest. "You're funny," she remarked. "So funny that I might not let you get out of this bed."

Steve didn't want to leave the bed. She was tucked so nicely beside him, so warm and lovely. Who could ever want to leave her side?

However, they both knew that reality was close to catching up to them again. Sooner or later, their bubble was going to pop and they would once again find themselves in the same old problem.

Seren sensed that Steve was a little closer to that reality than she was at the moment. "I'm sorry," she felt the urge to say.

He ran a hand up and down her back. "You're not the only one in this, sweetheart. I followed and I'm pretty sure I led at some point."

She smiled for a brief second. "Yes, you did. For a while. And it was fine leading too."

"Oh, now you're being funny," he said. She shrugged and snuggled up to him. He welcomed the opportunity to hold her close. He wanted to soak up ever moment with her. He was sure that he wouldn't be forgetting the night anytime soon. The way she'd called his name throughout the night was forever imprinted in his mind, along with her soft lips and touches.

"I can be funny," Seren said with a giggle.

Steve shifted on his side after that bit. He met her green eyes sparkling with mischief, a trait she rarely showed. "I do have to go soon, though." She nodded silently, her face falling in a disheartening expression.

There was reality about to knock on their door.

"You know I don't want to go," he reminded.

"But you're going to," she responded with a slight snap to her tone. It was an unfair thing to say, she knew, but it was breaking her heart.

"Seren," he said her name sweetly when she tried getting out of his hug. When she wouldn't stop, he decided to flip the tables. Literally. He turned her on her back and hovered over her. "You're locked in for the next two minutes," he warned her.

She frowned. "You do realize that one star blast from me and you—" she jabbed a finger to his chest, "—are super soldier dust."

Steve chuckled. "I am very aware of that, ma'am. Grant me 2 minutes out of the kindness of your heart?" He gave her a soft kiss on the lips. "Please?"

Seren begrudgingly fell with that kiss. "I love you and I know it's selfish to be mad but you know what? I don't care. I want to be with you. Don't you remember? 'If you're not with me, air leaves me and I am empty hearted.'"

Steve nodded to the next line. He felt the same way. "'Being in your arms, only by your side is when I feel like I can breathe.'"

Seren's hands cupped his face. "'There's nothing to change, nothing else to say.'"

"There really isn't," Steve agreed. Everything they wanted to say, they already had last night. He kissed her again, if only to remind her that what they had was real. Nobody could take that away. Seren would welcome every reminder with open arms, or in this case arms wrapped around his neck.

Because later on reality would come in the form of a text message.

Lounging in Steve's black shirt, Seren found her bag and pulled her phone out to see the text on her screen. "It's from Tony," she said. "Uuh...he's asking me if I'm coming back tonight in time for the date he's setting me up on." She turned around to meet Steve's gaze.

He'd already gotten out of bed and was half clothed—there was no way Seren was giving him his shirt back right now. (Yet another way to keep them in their bubble for a bit longer). "I think that anything I say will only make you upset with me."

Seren sighed heavily. He was probably right. She looked at her phone again. Her fingers hovered over the keyboard several minutes before she decided to put the phone down. "I can't." She left it on the table and walked over to the window. She pulled the curtains open and illuminated the room with the morning sunshine. "I'd much rather do this."

A few seconds later, Steve had walked up behind her. As much distance as he should've placed between them, he just couldn't stay away. He hugged her tight from behind and planted a kiss on her cheek. She smiled like she wasn't just contemplating going on a date with someone else. "Whatever happens, you know that you're my world."

Seren snuggled to him, hoping his arms would squeeze her just a bit to be even more warm. "Mm, you can't say things like that and expect me to go on a date with someone else."

"It's because of that, that I'm saying it," countered Steve. "I need you to know before we...go our separate ways."

"It doesn't have to be," Seren said. "Let me come with you." She expected the minute-long silence that followed after that. It was the first time she'd said it so bluntly and even then Seren didn't regret it. It was like she'd said yesterday, she was tired of the cautious dance. "It's not enough anymore, Steve. I will lose my mind eventually."

"Seren, realize what you're asking here," Steve practically begged her. "If you come with me, you're going to lose everything. You have a job, you have friends, your family. You wouldn't be able to see your own parents."

"I know," Seren promised him. "I'm not stupid, I know exactly what it means to come with you. I love my family but they know that I'm not happy. Even Tony knows it—it's why he's trying to set me up on that date. Everybody knows that I'm not happy. Would it be so bad if I finally did what would make me happy?"

"No," Steve said quietly. "I guess not..."

"If you're not with me I'm left in the middle of nowhere. If I'm not with you, I lose my senses." Seren smirked when he groaned.

"That's not fair!"

"That's an understatement, isn't it?"

Steve sighed heavily and nodded. "Yeah."

"C'mon, would it be that bad if I came along with you?"

"You know that's not the issue..."

"We'd wake up together..."

"To make a run at the crack of dawn." Seren felt him tighten his grip around her. "I wouldn't want to put you in that situation. Watching the morning sun like this is hardly something we'd have time to do."

"There'd be some moments," she said, knowing that he wouldn't agree to it even though it was a hard fact. "But I'm not here for the morning suns, you know. All I want is to be with you...but not by force." She wiggled her body until he was forced to let her go and she was able to turn around to face him. "I won't come with you if you don't want me to, but I won't be waiting anymore. I can't do that anymore. And this isn't blackmail either. I get what you want to do for us, and I love that you care so much for me, but I can't do the messaging anymore. I can't...communicate with you after this."

"I know," Steve nodded, head hanging for a moment. He wasn't sure he'd be able to keep communicating with her either knowing that it wasn't going anywhere.

"So," Seren reached up to cup his face, "I ask you again, can I come with you?"

"It would just...it would be selfish of me to say 'yes' knowing what that meant for you." Steve pulled one of her hands from his face. He kissed her palm and looked deep into her eyes. "Your career, your family...am I really worth losing all that?" It was a scary thing to realize and that was saying something considering everything he'd been through in the past.

Seren nodded without a trace of doubt. "I have never met anyone who made me decide things so easily like this. Yes, you are worth everything. I don't have to think twice about things when it comes to you. It's scary but at the same exhilarating. I don't know if it's the same for you but...this is what it is to me."

"No, I understand," Steve said, easing her nerves. "I'd do anything for you. I kept an eye on you in the beginning, you know, when we went on the run. I know they called you in countless times for interrogation. If it had ever threatened your job, your own freedom...I would've come back." He squeezed her hand in his. "No doubt, no hesitation."

Seren's heart swelled until she laughed out of sheer happiness. It was infectious. She had Steve doing the same in a minute. "Let's run together, lovey. I can keep up."

"I think you're the only woman who can," Steve said with a light chuckle to follow. "Literally. But I have to ask one more time, is this really what you want? There's no going back..."

Seren nodded her head. "Yes. I know my family will understand. And Tony...I think deep down he knows this was coming." She locked her arms around his neck.

"Seren, I just want you to be happy and I guess that's...with me." It was even weird for Steve to say that and realize it was true. It was hard because he never thought he'd have someone like Seren. Actually, he never thought he would have Seren. His eyes glanced over her to the window. The full morning sun had shined through. He knew he'd been saying the truth when he told Seren that their mornings wouldn't involve watching the sun rising but if they could have just one every so often, it would be enough. He understood her. His gaze shifted back to Seren. "We have to leave in an hour."

Seren's face lit up. "Oh my goodness!"

"If you're sure about this, it's an hour max."

"If I'm 'sure' about this—you're damn right I'm sure about it! I'm sure about you!" She laughed and pulled him down for a kiss.

With his own laugh, Steve picked her up and she easily wrapped her legs around him. "I'm not sure that's a smart move, sweetheart."

"Shush, I have degrees, you know. You really want to pick a fight with me?" The look on her face spelled exactly the danger he'd be in if he answered incorrectly.

"No ma'am," he shook his head.

"I thought so," she leaned down close to his face. "So, one hour right?"

"Yeah, Natasha sent me a message earlier. She sends her apologies for, uh, 'cutting us short'."

"Well, one hour means we can still do things," she nuzzled her nose with his. "If you want..."

"What kind of things did you have in mind? Because like I said, one hour and..."

"And what?" Seren frowned when she pulled away.

"Well, it's just that if we start doing things and it involves more kisses, it'll be very hard to put an end to it. If I kiss you once, I know that I'll want more and more..." Steve pressed a couple kisses around her face, "...and more..."

Seren giggled. "Take the risk, won't you?"

"Come down here, then," he said, shrugging his arms to motion that he hands were currently occupied holding her body. He smirked quite proudly about the fact too.

Seren rolled her eyes and made a mental note to get him back for that one. There would be plenty of opportunities now! She let her fingers tap along his bare shoulders until he seemed impatient enough. They kissed until Seren's laugh would cut in when Steve made way for their bed.

"You're going to have to give me my shirt back," he warned and then suddenly he was the recipient of a proud smirk.

"Fight me for it," she challenged him.

His face fell flat...as did she when he let her fall on the bed. "I've got a better idea," he announced. She giggled as he climbed over her and peppered her face with kisses. Soon enough, his lips would land on hers. One hour wouldn't be enough for them but they would have plenty of time in the time to come.

A/N:

Full disclaimer that this poem is also not a poem but another Spanish song I love to bits and pieces. I got the translation online and tweaked some words to fit the story!

#marvelocsdaily #ocappreciation #mcu #steve rogers #fd: mcu #marvel #captain america #mcu imagines #steve rogers imagines #marvel imagines #steve rogers fics #marvel fics #mcu fics #oc: seren soul #oc: stardust

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landeg · 4 years

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31 Days of Apex: A Retrospection

I participated in the incredible #31DaysOfApex challenge hosted on Twitter, where fans created new content for every day of July based on a one-word prompt. I’ve signed up for/started lots of similar challenges in the past but always ended up having to drop out or trail off before the end... but this time, I managed to complete something for every day of the challenge!

My only goal was to make something by each day’s deadline, and it was a really interesting exercise both in technical skill and also in my management of not only my time, but my expectations and energy. Below, I go into more detail behind each piece.

To preface; the beginning of this challenge coincided with the beginning of a new personal time-management exercise where, for 5/7 days a week, I would only go on the computer at night. Combined with the deadline, this had an interesting effect on my time management and the quality of certain pieces.

Day 1 - Memory

From the start, I wanted to use the challenge as an opportunity to do more studies and to push myself wherever possible. This was the first piece I did and I had more time to work on it, so I used it as a digital painting study. I still think it’s a strong piece and it’s probably my favourite of the month. Symbolically, this character’s backstory doesn’t match up with her own memories, so the idea is she’s missing information she can’t quite place or remember, and this both scares and comforts her.

Day 2 - Blood

Another digital painting and lighting study that didn’t work out as well as the first, mostly due to time constraints meaning I couldn’t scrap it and start again. While I don’t like how it turned out, I did learn a lot. The character on the right is a field medic, and my intent was to show the calm after a successful rescue.

Day 3 - Mercy

Some days I relied more on the humour of a piece’s concept than the skill of its execution, though I also liked how this piece turned out artistically. After two days of intense studies, though, this was very quick and easy for me to turn out as it relied on existing skills.

Day 4 - Prize

This one thankfully came together very quickly, which I credit to the two previous painting studies making it much easier to achieve what I wanted. The character is searching for the disembodied head of the man who killed her parents, who is now acting as a robot, hence the vaguely half-machine-half-human silhouette in her hand.

Day 5 - Family

Another quick, simple illustration under a time crunch. The character framed by the nameless foreground figures has no memory of herself or her family.

Day 6 - Noise

For some pieces where I was under a time crunch, I experimented in an opposite direction; instead of studies, I played loosely with different techniques/brushes/etc to see what came out. This was a lineless style I ended up employing a lot when short on time. The piece pictured here was just one of four alternate colourways, presented in a pop-art style. The character is almost always depicted with thick coverings over her ears, so I thought she might be sensitive to auditory overload. This particular piece was retweeted by the character’s voice actress!

Day 7 - Mask

More relying on humour for lack of time/a better idea. A fun experiment in colour, though.

Day 8 - Healing

Another technically “easy” piece but with a stronger concept. It was actually pretty hard to get the reflection & condensation elements balanced right. The character pictured has a narrative thread relating to an old ex he has trouble moving on from.

Day 9 - Weapon

While obviously another joke, and made to be finished quickly, it was surprisingly difficult to get the duct tape and knife to read clearly without over-cluttering the lineless image. This little ‘bot is a drone used by one of the playable characters to hack areas of the map; it’s not NORMALLY an offensive weapon. This image was promo’d in a video stream by the character’s voice actor!

Day 10 - Truth

I only had less than an hour to finish this one by the deadline, but I still tried to experiment with silhouette and colour. It was surprisingly hard to get the interior silhouette to be legible. The outer silhouette is a playable character (not easily readible unless you’re familiar with his design) and the inner silhouette is his sister, whose disappearance he is trying to investigate.

Day 11 - Shield

A fun, self-indulgent one. Had a blast simplifying the game’s characters down into little caricatures. The character in the centre has abilities related to shields and protection, so many other people were drawing him for the prompt; I wanted to try and flip it, so I picked other characters he would be friendly with, and picked a non-lethal, lighthearted setting.

Day 12 - Ruins

Short on time so did a quick lighting study. A recent game plot has changed one of the areas of the map, submerging it in water and leaving it to “ruin”.

Day 13 - Hero

Another painting study. Really didn’t like how this one turned out, but had to turn in something, and I did learn a lot in the process. If I’d had more time I probably would’ve scrapped it and started again. This characters had recently been revealed to have been manipulated by another character who used gas-based offenses, whom she admired.

Day 14 - Rest

I was going to be away from mt computer until after the deadline, so I decided to make a traditional piece. I ended up enjoying it so much I tried to take the time to do a few more traditional pieces later. This piece was sort of a comedy of errors; I had to do it while I was out, and the pen I had brought with me to ink my sketch ran out, so I had to make do with a blue ballpoint pen, and I was missing several colours of coloured pencil. I think the finished piece reflects how rushed it was, and it did’t meet my concept, but I do still like it.

Day 15 - Skull

Another quick one but I wanted to experiment with a different line style. Wanted a sort of “graffiti” effect. One of this character’s skins includes a skull-shaped mask.

Day 16 - Growth

Extremely quick play on words because I didn’t have the time to work on anything meaningful and couldn’t think of anything better!

Day 17 - Home

Another traditional piece, this time by choice and with more time. Markers. It looks extremely like some janky art school homework on 2 point perspective because it extremely is. Perspective and backgrounds are very difficult for me - they just don’t “click” - but I had a lot of fun with this one. I kept my mistakes intact because I didn’t want to edit it too much. A lot about the technical perspective is wrong, but I think I achieved the “mood” I wanted. This location is a bar owned by one of the player characters where many of the other characters are shown to meet.

Day 18 - Sky

Very happy with how this one turned out, even though there are still lots of problems. Markers again. There’s a lot I would fix next time, and I think technically it’s lacking, but there are some specific areas I feel happy to have achieved, such as the almost brushed texture of the curved metal above his shoulder and the values of the shadow/reflections on the underside of the head piece. I’m also happy with how I was able to draw from my shoulder rather than my wrist when inking the curved lines, something I struggle with.

Day 19 - Target

An experiment in pushing the lineless style I’d already been playing with for a stronger likeness. The pose and expression in this could both be pushed more but I like the result. This character had just learned that one of the other players, whom she had trusted, was actually sharing her secrets with her enemy, and she didn’t know which one it was.

Day 20 - Friendship

I had this one concepted from when I first looked over the prompts. It was a fun challenge trying to simplify all the elements into the lineless, blocky style while being legible. This character has a strained relationship with one of his friends, and finally pushed her too far with his selfishness, and she now no longer responds to him.

Day 21 - Scar

Quick joke. This character was introduced briefly as a red herring for another character before being killed off. He was stabbed through the chest by another character’s hand, hence the scar pattern.

Day 22 - Dream

I wasn’t sure about this one while I was making it but I ended up liking how it turned out. I wanted to capture the character’s robotic legs bent at an unnaturally straight 90 degrees, like a Barbie doll. The flat background and lighting make it feel like an indoor stage. The little “electric sheep” are inspired by iDogs.

Day 23 - Meal

After a few days of not having time to really spend on any piece, it was fun to get to spend time on concepting and composing this. I always admired these kinds of watercolour-like food illustrations and this is the first time I’ve had any success in creating one myself. I concepted and sketched out the individual items traditionally before working out the composition within the box digitally. Each food item/utensil is inspired by the different characters’ design elements. Only two of the now-current characters are excluded due to plot reasons. In particular, I like how one of the character’s dome-shaped shields acts as the base and cover of the box.

Day 24 - Hobby

Wasn’t a fan of how this one turned out. I think the likeness is a bit off, and his facial anatomy is skewed. But I also like how the general composition, tone, and bee turned out. This character’s concept art originally imagined them as a beekeeper who would use smoke to fight.

Day 25 - Fear

An incredibly rushed piece that I intended to go back in and add more detail to, similar to day 4, but I actually took a step back and decided I liked the blocky, flat-colour version. This character is the youngest of four, all of whom are MIA or worse, along with his father, and his mother is losing her memory. He’s talking to her through a handheld holographic device. This piece gained more traction, most likely thanks to the subject matter since this is a popular character.

Day 26 - Holiday

I didn’t want to do a religious holiday like Christmas or Easter. A lot of other people also interpreted the prompt as a vacation, but I had already done a sort of “beach vacation” piece for day 11, so I instead went for a “public holiday” and chose NYE/NYD. This was fairly quick but the lighting was an interesting experiment. I knew this one wouldn’t be as popular because it wasn’t as “flattering” but I personally really like it. The girl on the left is kind of goofy and completely un-self-conscious and I think it’s captured here.

Day 27 - Music

Really didn’t like how this one turned out. I don’t think the likeness is good at all, the lighting is poor, and the gold detailing feels lazy. But I liked other elements, such as the pose and the clothing.

Day 28 - Treasure

This is my least favourite of the entire month, but I also had the least time available to work on it before the deadline so I had no opportunity to scrap it and start over, which I sorely wanted to do. The likeness is terrible, but more than that the base anatomy is off, the pose is stiff, and the lighting/colours are cheap. I wish I could’ve done better by this character; but, I am glad I had something finished at all.

Day 29 - Skin

This was probably my third attempt at this picture and I’m still not happy with it, but again, I had to finish something. I almost considered scrapping the concept entirely and choosing something easier but ended up seeing it through. The concept itself is actually recycled from an older piece of mine for an entirely different fandom, because I didn’t think I did it justice then, either. Would still like to revisit this concept with this character and take more time.

Day 30 - Trust

After a few days of feeling really dissatisfied and uncomfortable with the art I’d been making, I finally more time to dedicate to a piece, and I’m overall happy with how this one turned out. I decided to go for a different medium entirely with pixel art, which also gave me the opportunity to try and animate it. I started off confident and then started to get worried towards the end, but all the elements came together when I added the portal colour effects. This is an alternate reality version of one of the player characters, who appears through a portal and allows that character to escape the facility she’s being kept in, encouraging them to trust the “voices” she hears which are actually versions of herself trying to help her. This piece was retweeted by the official Apex Legends Twitter account!

Day 31 - Freestyle

I had this planned out early in the challenge and I’m really, really happy with how it turned out. It’s probably tied with my favourite along with the very first piece (how fitting). I was worried about how I was going to capture the movement without over-complicating the lineart, having so many people in one image, etc. before I realised the focus was entirely on gesture, and then everything clicked. I went for a thicker brush, which forced me to conserve my lines, and tried to simplify each character down to the bare minimum needed to recognise them. They’re also all wearing new non-canonical outfits so I used their familiar colour schemes for the same purpose. It’s not perfect, but I love it, and it’s everything I’d hoped I’d be able to end the challenge on.

I really, really enjoyed the entire month and the way it tied in with my new time management schedule. It gave me some achievable short-term goals which added up to this long-term achievement I can now look back on; I learned a lot both about balancing my energy and about technical skills, I found ways to stay motivated, and most importantly I learned to not get caught up on the individual slip-ups and pieces I didn’t like as much and to instead focus on the bigger picture. Thank you to everyone involved in organising and supporting this event! I found so many other incredible fanartists, writers, and content creators through this challenge and I can’t wait to see the bonus content released over August!

#31 Days of Apex #31DaysOfApex #highlights

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monotonous-minutia · 4 years

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Les contes d’Hoffmann (Munich 2011) pt. 4

More reactions but fewer pictures

So this version was very interesting. First, it was a mixture of spoken dialogue, recit, and sung dialogue between the big numbers. So that made the dialogue kind of mixed-up as it was a patchwork of the versions I’m used to.

Then, there were some pieces missing, some new pieces, and familiar pieces that were shortened or slightly different. The Septet in Act 3 was gone completely, which is supposedly more authentic, but it would have been interesting to see how this cast handled it, especially Damrau, because she’s a goddess. But the way they did Act 3 wouldn’t have had room for it anyway. More on that later.

This production was very Niklausse-centric (100% okay with me since he is my favorite character). Brower is overall fantastic in this role and gives us a really layered portrayal of the character. I was a little concerned at first when there was no costume change between Niklausse and the Muse because I saw that in another one once and it was handled very, very poorly. But they pulled it off here and in some ways it made everything more gay because he was Niklausse the entire time, and is literally declaring his love for Hoffmann while in male form so it’s like...obviously. How can anyone watch this opera and not understand that it is gay.

It focused on Niklausse a lot--he was even listed in the credits before Hoffmann. In some productions I see the camera tends to focus on everything but Niklausse and we only see him when he’s talking or doing something important. But this time the camera followed him around almost more than it followed Hoffmann. I really think they were embracing the idea that this is actually his story. I mean, he gets the opening and the closing numbers, and all of his motivation comes out within the first five minutes of the opera. The overall plot is him watching Hoffmann’s love life thwarted over and over and in every single act he has a moment where hes making it painfully obvious that he wants Hoffmann for himself. It’s easier to forget that in the shortened versions which is why I like the extended ones the best. The only time the camera DOESN’T flip over to Niklausse every couple seconds in this one is, ironically, one of the most important moments: when he runs away from Pitichinaccio in Act 3 after being kidnapped. Apparently that’s when he saw Giulietta take Hoffmann’s reflection and somehow figured out how to fix it by the time he made his way back.

In this one Niklausse is ALWAYS doing something. The only other one I’ve seen where he’s this busy is the Met’s Sher production. He’s all over Hoffmann, all the time. He’s running around being adorable. He’s spying on the other characters. He’s eating a popsicle while watching Hoffmann serenade Olympia. He’s giving Lindorf the roses Stella left for Hoffmann and helping him cut off the stems, just to be spiteful. He REALLY does not like these ladies. He can laugh at Olympia because she’s a robot, but boy does he hate Giulietta. At some points he looks like he’d like to go fight her himself. But he’s too busy keeping Hoffmann out of trouble...as best as he can.

I loved Villazón as Hoffmann. This was my first time seeing him in a comic role. I wasn’t sure how he’d handle it, because sometimes it’s hard for actors to go from one type of role to another. Also, though, Hoffmann is kind of a comic and dramatic role. Villazón manages to match them both. I love his ridiculous dance moves in the Olympia act and his awkward, smoky flirting with Giulietta in Act 3. He seems consistently irritated with Niklausse but he also kind of has RBF anyway. The only thing I’m missing is his interactions with the villains. They take out the entire insult duet that they’re supposed to have in the prologue and a section of the Trio des yeux in Act 1, as well as their interactions before and after Schlemil’s death because they did it so differently. Because of these a lot of their interaction is missing, which takes a lot away, I feel. Especially a shame because Relyea is fantastic as the villains, taking on each persona with ease and making them totally believable as incarnations of the same person. His Miracle was phenomenal. I got so many chills.

Damrau. OH MY GOD ahhhhhhh. She’s so fantastic I can’t handle it. I love her so much. I flipped out when I saw she was playing ALL the heroines. Hot damn. She did it so well. Like I would have believed it was actually four different people because of how well she encapsulated all the characters. Her fierce, broken Antonia, her blank-faced, flighty Olympia, and her seductive, malicious Giulietta were all so well done. She had an interesting portrayal of Stella--usually I see her as kind of a snooty figure, or dismissive, but this one seemed really sympathetic. She doesn’t have any lines in this one, but she’s so expressive as she sneaks into Hoffmann’s room in the prologue to leave him the letter, and again in the epilogue only to find him dead drunk and having torn up the picture and flowers she gave him. I actually felt really sorry for her.

And of course her signing is phenomenal. EEEEEK. She gets all of Olympia’s coloratura on point and her Antonia is so wistful and her duet with Miracle was phenomenal. And Giulietta was ridiculously sexy and she got a whole new number which is awesome because in some versions the character doesn’t really have a lot to do, and the song, though it was short and not in itself spectacular, let Damrau continue to show off her skills.

I’m going to take a moment to talk about the poison scene for my own edification. In the Wikipedia and Britannica summaries of this opera, both describe Act 3 (Giulietta) ending with Dapertutto trying to poison Niklausse because he’s tired of him constantly rescuing Hoffmann, but Giulietta drinks the poison instead and dies. I have never seen a production where this happens, or read a version of the libretto where it does, so I don’t know where that comes from. There IS a part in the original play (of the same title) at the end of Act 3 where this happens: Hoffmann wants to see Giulietta, Niklausse (who is called Friederick in the play...I do not know why) tells him he’s going to get a ride for them and drag him home of he has to. Dapertutto goes to Hoffmann to try and convince him to go to Giulietta because it’s all part of his plan; Hoffmann tells him he can’t because Friederick is coming back, and Dapertutto gives Hoffmann a sleeping potion to give to Friederick. It turns out to actually be poison and Giulietta drinks it before Friederick gets back. But again nothing like that has ever happened in any production I’ve seen. I’ve seen her get stabbed plenty of times but this is the only one where she drinks poison and it’s not even close to what happened in the play so idk how it even got here. But it was an interesting device and it suited this production. I just wish we could have seen the moment where Niklausse breaks free from Pitichinaccio and runs out.

The set was so great. I loved it. Like Sher’s, it did a great job of balancing the comic and the dramatic parts of the opera. Act 1 was all pastel colors and patterned wallpaper, vibrant, eccentric costumes and bright lighting. Act 2 was dark and sombre, and the house was crowded with furniture and a bunch of giant books which really helped me feel the suffocation that Antonia was experiencing. And Act 3 was open, dimly lit, and had that huge mirror. There was a distinct divide between the two spaces--Giulietta’s room and the hallway--but there was no wall, so seeing the action on both sides, but not having them interact or being very aware of each other, was a really interesting dynamic, especially in the Hoffmann/Giulietta duet where they’re in the room getting saucy and Niklausse is stuck outside with Pitichinaccio, staring at the door. And then the prologue and epilogue, going back and forth from the tavern to being Hoffmann’s room in what appears to be a hotel (or maybe an apartment). The fact that those two sets are really similar though, and travel right into each other, adds to the feeling of intimacy; Hoffmann is letting the others into his life, even as he enters their space (the tavern).

I can’t get over Niklausse coming out of the wine cabinet. And Hoffmann not thinking twice about it. Was he just too drunk to think it was weird? Or is he used to Niklausse hanging out in strange places? Also Lindorf didn’t seem to think it was odd that Niklausse tagged along for his aria or took his hat for him or helped him cut up the roses. It’s interesting because there are some versions where there’s a bit of an association between the two, because they have similar goals but different methods (though there is a notable exception to this, but that is a rant for another day). Sometimes I wonder if Lindorf has any idea that Niklausse is also the Muse. Here it’s left ambiguous, but also Lindorf doesn’t have a lot to do, because his duet with Hoffmann is cut short and he doesn’t talk in the epilogue at all.

There are literally no two Hoffmanns that look alike. I’ve seen several, and even revivals of old productions sometimes have differences. There’s literally a whole book about it (which I most definitely did not spend a ridiculous amount of money to buy). Even so, this was the most interesting edit I’ve stumbled upon. It would have helped to have English subtitles so I could better understand the parts I wasn’t familiar with, though I was able to use Google Translate at some points.

Overall this was solidly one of my favorites. Niklausse was surprisingly adorable, despite looking creepily similar to Hoffmann. It was quite gay, but not as angsty as some others, because Niklausse was rarely in doubt of his ability to win the day--even during the Violin Aria; he recovered fairly quickly. Only in the Giulietta act did he seem to be nearing the end of his rope, so tired of Hoffmann’s BS and having to constantly drag him out of trouble. They have an interesting device throughout where Niklausse writes in a notebook at the beginning and end of each act, as if he’s recording their adventures. He’s positively giddy in the epilogue when the book is finished, to the point that he just laughs when Hoffmann yells at him. He has what he wants and he knows he won. I am a sucker for the angst, though, and am known to destroy myself by repeatedly watching various renditions of the Violin Aria that break my heart. This one could have been gayer in that sense, but again, the way Niklausse is portrayed in general is super gay and the fact that Villazón plays Hoffmann as pretty gay too helps in that area.

Also I will never get over this picture.

I’ll leave you with that.

#Les contes d'Hoffmann #The Tales of Hoffmann #opera #opera tag #Jaques Offenbach #Jules Barbier #Michael Carré #opera reactions #opera analysis #monotonous-minutia reacts #monotonous-minutia does lit crit #is it lit crit if it's visual media?#monotonous minutia critiques

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sangennaro · 4 years

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s∂f∂devd|xiv

so sunday I poked around looking to see if I could elevate any of the recordings in the "purgatory" folder (ie tunes with promise unsuited for any of the cantos of first 2books) into the new track3 I still need for book1, but at some point I got physically fatigued in a weird way and tried to sleep. I think I was partly hungry, as I've probably been doing more snacks than meals in the last week. Whatever it was, I slept through the second half the day and most of the next morning. Didn't sweat too much in my sleep and felt pretty good in the morning. I also did not take any methylphenidate at all on this day, after who-knows-how-long (2 or 3 weeks I think? haven't updated my "full/half/no dosage of speed today" journal since 7/16) of no days abstaining from the prescription speed. Prior to this, during the quarantine I tried to limit myself to 5 on-speed days a week at most, and before the quarantine I was never doing it more than 3 (and never taking on days that I wouldn't be able to have a few hours of uninterrupted recording/writing/editing/etc.)

(purgatory folder atm)

Monday I received a Final Notice for "The Theater of the World" by F Yates library book which I got out in Febraury. Walked with J------ to the Waverly branch and put it in a slot. It was 1pm and pretty harshly hot in the sun and I sweat a lot. Had intended to bring an apple to eat on the way but forgot about it-- did bring my Zojirushi though, which I definitely needed. When I got home tried to make a better outline for the canto6 stanzas, but mostly I read a lot of Froissart and played Total War Medieval 2 computer game. Oh-- I finally took pictures of 3 gears I'm not using so much and put them up on ebay. One of them is an old rompler racksynth which may be unrealistic to move at anything other than "complete steal" price point. One of them is a desktop module that, according to ebay, is trending at 700-900? I paid 450 for it 2 years ago and am not really sure what to make of that number. It's very much a Trance machine.. perhaps the popularity of Post-Trance (or whatever we're meant to call Senni and them) is going to help me pay my rent next month?

I wrote the bulk of the book1 verses I have so far in front of the window in the bedroom, which we could keep open for most of last week, thanks to a surprising number of consecutive days of repreive from the Baltimore summer scorch. Should probably try writing in another room now-- the bookroom (wait I'm going to start calling this the library) the library has a proper desk but no ventilation + the skylight makes it pretty oven-y on real hot days. The basement is usually temperate (I have found it heats up over the course of the day when it's high80s+ outside, but perhaps this is partly due to me being down there for a few hours with two dozen or so electrical devices turned on?) but.. the surfaces are all covered in gear? Something about the setup down there now strikes me as being kinda lacking in comfortable places to put my elbows. Had a little trouble getting to sleep last night. Dreamed I had a daughter and she jumped off some DJ's table at a party in a hotel/resort. Woke up early this morning and read more Froissart, ate a pot noodle, and wrote this.

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desperationandgin · 5 years

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Deep as the Road is Long (Part II, Chapter 16)

Rating: General Audiences

Also Read on: AO3

Previous Chapter

A/N: Surprise! A bonus chapter. I realize I haven't gone through and replied to anyone's comments for the last chapter that was posted. I need to and I will, but in the meantime, I wanted to offer a chapter early as my sincere and heartfelt gratitude. The feedback has been passionate all the way around regarding this story whether readers have been frustrated with Jamie, sad for him (sad for both of them) or firmly on Claire's side. I know I've said this before, but I really didn't think anyone would ever read a story with this specific subject matter; I was just writing it for me. So, I'm really touched and floored at the reception of it all. Here's hoping I stick the landing, and here's to goodbye to Part 2!

Thank you all so, so much from the bottom of my heart. Part 3 begins on Thursday.

December 2016

When the monitors began to pick up the rhythm in which they beeped, when Faith’s breathing changed, Claire knew. She’d yelled, that much she remembers, the screaming for Jamie, for someone to find him. Without thinking, she’d climbed right onto the bed with the little girl, reached out to touch her cheek, to beg her not to go, not yet. There were no life-saving measures performed; that hurdle and those signatures from Jamie to not resuscitate had been taken care of two weeks ago. And so, all Claire could do was hold Faith as she took her final breath, unable to process that it happened, that she was gone. The only sound was the single tone until Jamie thundered in, looking like a complete mad man, eyes wild as he took in the scene in front of him. Never in her life had she felt so much like nothing, trying to apologize while cradling his dead daughter.

Eventually, she’d moved so that he could take over, pulling Faith to his body and crying in a way that was so loud and so guttural Claire thought he might die, too. In the immediate days afterward, she tried telling herself she’d lost patients before, that she’d been the witness to more parents’ tears of agony than she could remember, but even with that thought, she knew this was different. Different because she’d started to fall in love with Jamie and she already loved Faith. The pain, at that time, was unmatched by anything she’d ever felt in her life. Even her husband’s death. When the police notified her of Frank’s accident she’d felt numb, felt nothing for such a long time. When it happened, she couldn’t imagine anything that would ever feel worse.

She learned after Faith’s funeral, there’s always a worse.

She’d been able to feel it, the shift between her and Jamie. Claire knew it was only a matter of time before he told her to go. To his credit, he never said that, exactly.

Your best wasna good enough.

When he said it she’d known he was right; the rest of the fight (could she even call it that?) was a blur to her, registering his words and letting them settle on her heart. After getting on the plane back home, she’d cried (her poor seatmate) until the flight attendant brought whisky minis and an extra pillow. Sleep for the duration of the flight was fitful, but once she was home she’d collapsed in bed and hadn’t moved for twelve hours. The harsh light of day only served to bring into focus what she couldn’t do anymore: treat terminally ill children. Not until Faith died in her arms did Claire realize how many devastating moments she had already been witness to, and couldn’t bear the idea of going through more. She hadn’t stopped second-guessing herself, wondering if she’d done the right thing, if the treatment had been the right course. For an entire day, she’d pored over Faith’s chart and all of her medical records; it did nothing to help, nothing to ease Claire’s mind. She should have recommended surgery or donor stem-cells; anything but what she’d done.

The doubt hadn’t left by the time she returned to work and she knew the second she stepped foot in her office that this branch of medicine wasn’t something she could physically do anymore. That was the day she spoke to her direct superior and decided to take a leave of absence at the hospital, knowing upon her return (if she returned) it wouldn’t be to that wing. All of her current patients and courses of treatment were explained and passed on to the only doctor she knew would give the same level of care - Joe Abernathy. He was a good man, and as they’d hugged, he’d kissed the side of her head, knowing (even if he didn’t know) this last death had done a number on her. With one more sweep of her office, Claire’d left, gone home, and hadn’t returned. She’d always been good with money; it was the one thing her Uncle Lamb had never worried over in regards to her well-being. She had the rest of Lamb’s money to live on for a while, everything she’d inherited when he died, along with Frank’s life insurance money. All she’d done with the latter was pay for the funeral, everything else has been in a savings account, waiting for the day it could be put to good use.

June was spent doing as little as possible, not letting herself drink anymore but not doing much else in the self-care department. Tears seemed to turn on like a switch being flipped; dinner one night was pizza ordered in, and all it’d done was make her sob for two hours before going to bed without eating a single slice.

In July, she decided she wasn’t ready, that going to work wasn’t something she could stomach yet, and so she’d turned in her phone, the phone that technically belonged to the hospital. When she’d finally made the decision to replace it she was asked if all of her contacts should be imported to her new device, if her photos should be. With hesitation, she’d finally said yes to keeping everything; photos of Faith and Jamie. Jamie’s number. She’d kept it all even though looking at the pictures did nothing but hurt.

Finally, in August, Claire knew she couldn’t avoid making an income again, and so she’d applied for and accepted a job as a general practitioner in a pediatrician’s office. Sore throats and objects stuffed in noses, healthy babies at normal checkups, that’s what she could handle. It worked out, it eased her mind, and slowly she fell into a routine again that was hardly living. She existed in the world, and it would have to be enough. She wasn’t making decisions anyone put all of their hope into, she didn’t have to watch anyone suffer because she did something wrong. Weeks passed; she went to work, saw her patients, and went home. Forgiving herself was slow going, but eventually, the pressure in her chest eased just a little.

And then Jamie called.

It was early on an October morning; Fridays the doctor’s office was closed, so she was home when his name flashed on her caller ID. Jesus H. Christ. Mostly, she’d listened after she picked up. His words registered, that he didn’t truly blame her, but the way he’d looked at her when he said it--he’d meant it then. Maybe he didn’t believe it anymore, but he had then. She heard him say she hadn’t let him down around the same time she’d started to cry. He promised to call again, and he had. He’d called the next day, then the next. Sometimes they didn’t say much, just sat on the line with static between them. Other times they spoke in circles around Faith, not saying her name, but remembering.

By the time December rolls around, they’ve spoken every single night since late October, never missing, even if the conversations are short. They FaceTime every now and again, and when her phone rings today, she can see it’s for video. Looking at herself in her phone camera she groans at hair that’s a mess piled on top of her head, the reading glasses she’s wearing and the ratty t-shirt with holes she has on. He’s caught her cleaning, but still, she accepts the call.

“Good morning,” she greets him, holding the phone out. She has to puzzle out what’s filling the screen on his end, tilting her head from side to side before giving up. “What am I looking at?”

Jamie’s face finally comes into view and he sits back. She recognizes the room he’s in, the library at Lallybroch with all of its old books and secrets. “Afternoon, technically,” he corrects for his own time zone. Then, he shows her the book she’d had an extreme close-up of. “I’ve been going through the books, trying to make some sort of catalog so we know what we have,” he explains. “And this one, well. I thought perhaps ye might like it as a gift.”

She can see the author is e.e. cummings and raises an eyebrow. “A gift for me, really?”

“Aye. Because it’s an original edition.”

That gets her full attention, and Claire frowns in disbelief. “Jamie, why would you give that to me? You should keep it. That has to be valuable, or at least mean something to your family.”

He makes a noise in the back of his throat. “I thought that, until I started to read and--” he pauses, looking down at the book in his hand now, swallowing.

“What, Jamie?”

There’s quiet for a few beats before his gaze meets the camera again. “I started to read it and everything reminded me of ye. So, I thought the book should belong to you instead.”

A lump feels lodged in her throat and when she finds her words again, they’re quietly spoken. “Which poems?”

“Och, Christ, dinna ask me that,” he says in a rare show of, well. Not quite embarrassment, even though his cheeks do turn a little pink.

“I can’t take something from your home without knowing.”

There’s a long pause before finally, he opens the book and simply begins to read. She doesn’t recognize the words, but his voice and soothing lilt make her heart, for the first time in months, unclench a bit.

“My blood approves and kisses are a better fate than wisdom. Lady, I swear by all the flowers. Don’t cry--the best gesture of my brain is less than your eyelids’ flutter which says we are for each other. Then laugh, leaning back in my arms. For life’s not a paragraph. And death, I think, is no parenthesis.”

By the time he finishes there are tears threatening to fall from her eyes, and she takes a deep breath, sniffling and brushing any moisture away. “Reminded you of me?” she reiterates.

“I want ye to have it. And perhaps ye could come get it.”

She isn’t sure of what he said, still too wrapped up in the poem. When it registers, she furrows her forehead. “Come and get it?”

Jamie clears his throat, quiet as he waits for it to sink it.

When it does, Claire’s eyes go wide. The last time she’d been to Scotland it changed everything she thought she knew about her life. “You want me to come there?”

“Aye, I do. But if ye canna do it, if I ruined it, if I...what I’m trying to say, Sassenach, is that I dinna want ye to be alone for Christmas. Everyone here would be glad to see ye.”

“You...you would be glad to see me?”

Jamie nods, his gaze intent. “I shouldn’t have let ye leave the first time.”

He’s apologized so many times, tried to make it right, what he’d said, what he’d done. She believes him now when he says she did her best, when he tells her that he knows there was nothing else she could have done. It doesn’t inspire her to pick up where she left off, though. She’s happier now, content to answer the questions of first-time parents and assure them they’re doing just fine. Still, even with forgiveness, she never thought Jamie would ask her back to Scotland, that they would ever share the same space again. She hears herself saying she’ll come, though as she lays in bed that night after purchasing a plane ticket, she can’t quite believe it.

She’d tried, a little more than a year ago now, to wrap her mind around her feelings for Jamie; the attraction was there, no doubt. Now as she lays in bed, she wonders if they fell into one another because he was sad and she took advantage of him as he sought some sort of anchor. If she hadn’t done exactly that, then was Faith the only link between them? Without her, and with her death leaving such a large hole in both of them, would there be anything left with Jamie to salvage? This trip, she knows, will give them both the answer either way.

When she arrives and makes it down to baggage claim she sees him right away; he’s hard to miss, giant that he is. Making her way to him, there’s a moment of not being sure whether or not to hug him before his arms wrap fully around her.

It’s the best she’s felt since February.

“It’s good to see ye, Claire. In person, I mean.”

When he pulls back she immediately feels bereft, but there’s a small smile playing on her lips. “It’s good to see you, Jamie. You look well.”

He walks with her to get her bag, turning his gaze to her. “Speaking of looking well. Were those glasses in the video last we spoke?”

Grabbing her suitcase, she raises an eyebrow. “They were. For reading. I had to bite that particular bullet in September.”

“I havena seen ye wearing them before,” he says, wracking his brain and going through every FaceTime conversation they’ve had since October.

“I never happened to be wearing them. The other day I was cleaning, going through bills and organizing paperwork.”

“Ye should do more paperwork when I call,” he teases lightly, taking her bag from her to carry.

He liked her glasses, and Claire ducks her head a little as she walks behind him a bit, letting him lead the way to his car. It’s still there, she thinks. Whatever it was, the embers are still warm. She remembers how he made her feel, what the guilt was like when he’d told her it was her fault and hers alone that Faith was gone. It doesn’t go away with smiles and conversation, but he is trying to fix it. Day by day, he tries to add another suture to the wound he made. She knows he’s trying, knows he sees a therapist twice a week. He’s trying, and rather than shut him out, her heart tells her not to give up on Jamie.

At Lallybroch, that same sense of family she felt the first time she ever stepped inside envelops her now. It makes her feel connected to something, close to people who’d treated her like family. Instead of Jenny needing to warm up to her, Jamie’s sister greets her like an old friend with a hug, Ian replicating the gesture. The children dogpile her as well; even young Michael who was so small back in May offers her grins and lets her hold him on her hip as they walk to the living room. Claire hadn’t been sure what to expect; everyone still in mourning, maybe because she felt that way for a long while. But there are so many smiles and so much lightness that a peace she’s never been able to find on her own settles against her like a blanket.

This is what healing with family does, and she suddenly, desperately, never wants to let it go.

Instead of staying in Jamie’s room, this time she has her own, and she crashes almost immediately, sleeping through until breakfast the next day. She lets the chatter of family around a table wash over her, and on a walk with Jamie afterward, confesses to him she’s never had that.

Somewhere between the house and the stables, Jamie stops walking, turning to look at her fully before lowering his head. Tentatively, his hand reaches out, index finger hooking around hers. “I ken ye’ve been alone for a verra long time, Claire. I’ve been waiting to say this, was hoping to do it face to face, but…” When he looks at her again, meets her eyes, his own look like a raging sea. “I left ye to go toe-to-toe wi’ the grief alone. I pushed ye away and sent ye home to nothing. That ye found your way out of the dark anyway is a miracle. It took Jenny and Ian both to get me there. So it leaves me to believe one thing about ye.” Raising her hand, he kisses her knuckles before finally letting her go. “You’re stronger than I am, Sassenach.”

There’s a lump in her throat that she can’t quite swallow, and she shakes her head, wrapping her arms around herself. “I’m still in the dark, Jamie. Or at least the shadows. I don’t know anymore.”

“And that’s my fault,” he tells her; not a question. An acceptance. “I’m no’ sure why you're even bothering to give me the time of day, truth be told. I never expected ye to answer the phone when I called, or to keep doing so after the first time we spoke. I can never do or say enough to make what I said right.”

“I changed my entire life because of what you said to me, Jamie.”

“Claire, I--”

“No. No, I need to say this. I need to talk now.” She has no idea where that comes from, but he respects it, and once he nods for her to continue, Claire clears her throat. “I changed my life. I couldn’t stop second-guessing myself, I couldn’t...stop questioning every decision I was making about treatment plans, which meant I couldn’t do my job. And that was your fault.”

His head bows but he doesn’t interrupt.

“It was also your fault that I started thinking about all of the times I might have to go through this again. In my job, the ideal, obviously, is to beat cancer, and I have before. I know I would have again. But one more loss like that...I don’t think I could do it. I don’t think I could go through it and make it to the other side a second time. So, it’s your fault I realized I need to do something different. I need to see the joys of life through a child, not fear and pain and sadness.”

Jamie steps forward when Claire stops speaking, tentatively reaching up to stroke her cheek with his thumb. It’s a light touch, hovering almost. “I hurt ye. And no matter what revelations came of it, that will no’ change. I would spend the rest of my life making it up to ye if I could. If ye’d let me.”

Claire looks at up him, bringing a hand to rest over his that’s still tucked close to her face. “Faith brought us together, Jamie.”

“Aye,” he whispers, slowly moving until his forehead can press against Claire’s. “I will no’ let her be the reason we’re apart. Stay in Scotland. Stay for a while until the darkness is gone and there are no more shadows.”

For a moment her eyes close and all she can do is breathe him in. But she feels herself nodding, nose grazing his.

“Wild horses couldn’t keep me away.”

Through the darkness to the dawn And when I looked back, you were gone. Heard your voice leading me on Through the darkness to the dawn. Love is deep as the road is long And it moves my feet to carry on. It beats my heart when you are gone. Love is deep as the road is long.

Next Chapter

#outlander fic #outlander #jamie x claire #jamie fraser #claire fraser #datril #deep as the road is long #my fic

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cruddyborderlandstheories · 5 years

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athenas or the new ign videos... hmmm

im gonna go for the ign videos (moze gameplay and sanctuary-iii, no guns yet, i have a reason for that) because athenas hasn’t gotten its sweet instagram video yet. once that’s released i’ll do a full post on it. by the time i got around to finishing this post, they had released the video. oh boy... gonna do the gun post then the athenas post, i think. alright, off we go.

tl;dr: we read the entire end user agreement DAHL thrusts upon us for using the ECHO device, talk about some stuff like how (spoilers) it seems like Lilith will be getting her powers back at the end of the game, and a voice line Lily says that sounds like “Tyreen took my powers. it’s like Tannis said: [inaudible] Siren” (altho im not 100% sure on the [inaudible] part because 1) it sounds weird and 2) there’s a drum beat and also the devs are talking over her, the Siren part seems fairly accurate because of the way her mouth moves). so you know. im gonna be agonizing over that until i can hear what she says. ive already spent an hour just repeating it over and over. i nearly fell asleep lol

we’re gonna start with the moze gameplay (the first 14 minutes of bl3) because chronologically it’s first in both timeline and release date

i love the license plates on the right there

also it looks like they added in claptrap’s old welcome sign from windshear waste! time to stand in front of it for 30 minutes to see if any messages pop up like bl2

fast travel station as well, definitely going to see if/where i can teleport and going there immediately. i imagine this is more for DLC stuff and grinding tho.

also! i do believe we saw Covenant Pass previously. good to know this is actually where it is!

Marcus saying “And Welcome to Pandora!” in the beginning confirms that, yes, they’re going to be on a bus!! i wonder if there will be a fight scene before that though. it’s interesting Clappy mentions that “those jerks who tried to murder you are the children of the vault!” so i mean... there’s gotta be... right?

im also convinced this intro is going to be a mirror of Borderlands 1. i stg if it starts out with the first few notes of Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked and then swaps songs I’m going to lose my mind

also also, the order is totally going to mimic the bl1 one. Fl4k = Mordecai, Amara = Lilith, Moze = Roland, Zane = Brick. We even have Lilith taking Angel’s spot as the mysterious voice in our heads, and probably Marcus driving, AND being dropped off at a bus stop.

bet the reason they changed it from ‘Moze as the Bot Jock’ to ‘Moze as the Gunner’ is because it fits under ‘Roland as the Soldier’ better. Also, ‘Zane Flynt as Himselfs’ would be a play off ‘Brick as Himself’. Amara as the Siren is obvious, and ‘Mordecai as the Hunter’ vs ‘Fl4k as the Beastmaster’ is pretty similar as well, given Fl4k has all those Hunter skills.

the 4 basic emotes im guessing. im so glad we have the option to boop our friends in the face with emotes.

also moze’s little bunny skin is adorable

the ECHOnet used to be called “Riftspace”, “the Spline”, and... “MercTel: A Cyber-Dahl Joint” lmfao

specifically calls out Pandora. also, “artificial megastructures”??? THAT’S SO COOL

AND FUCKING

SENTIENT MEGASTRUCTURES????

gearbox. please. i have never ever wanted anything more in my life. please. it’s probably my birthday. PLEASE GEARBOX

also interesting that the user agreement specifically notes ‘Respawns’. I assume this is a joke because New-U stations have been confirmed not canon

“Core law”. Core law? Core... daddy? ... ????

core as in like a core government somewhere that’s not the border worlds? that’s interesting...

“The Legion”, okay, acknowledging TPS, that’s dope

“Project Blackrakk” ... im interested

“Thresher Company” lmao

im curious if Axton was apart of any of the mentioned ones. i don’t think it’s been stated, but i could be wrong

“Chieftain Oort”. also ‘Recently Legless Gary’, lmfao poor dude.

oh yeah im sure this is fine. also holy shit did they google the synonyms for ‘change’ and just start listing them? lmfao

“implicit subscription to the Digby Vermouth ‘Dig’s Gigs’ secret concert subscription service”

sorry, what?

if this doesn’t come up again in the future- if we don’t get a spam letter or 3 in our mailbox about this concert subscription thing i'm gonna be so disappointed

Dahl hates you if you’re not a fan of hyper-jazz, “you snob” lmfao

my brain hurts, they’re good at writing these

damn phones exist? i thought everything was ECHO. aight, that’s good to know. i guess there just aren’t any phone networks around the border worlds

also “shared dreamspaces” sound really cool

hm. that’s no good lmfao. also i love that the buttons are ‘Agree’ and ‘OK’. there is no escape, once you agree, you can’t even leave because you’re agreeing that you’re trapped with these rules even if you cancel.

that’s fucked up, DAHL. can’t believe you treat your user base the same way you treat your employees. i guess i shouldn’t be surprised.

anyway, shoutout to literally the only TOA I’ve ever fully read in my life.

also, clicking through this TOA too fast WILL end claptrap’s voice line early. so be careful if you want to hear what he has to say!!

oh shit lmao I gotta go edit that Fl4k post

ok im back ~time magic of being able to save things in drafts and post them at a later date~

sliding preserves momentum, so you can actually slide (nearly) the entire way down! i love this.

small, but claptrap bends his antennae when trying to be stealthy. i thought that was a pretty cool detail

“and some guns include an alternate shooting mode~! try it out!”

player: `immediately shoots claptrap in the face`

i died lol

a very nice look at this sign.

good to know that the twins really are tempting people to join with promises of food. i mean it makes sense, i imagine most of the cultists are desperate for stability and a reasonable life on pandora.

also, Shiv calls himself “holy influencer of the children of the vault” lol. i love that. gearbox really is going for the internet’s throat, isn’t it?

i do like that hovering over an NPC will give you their name only and not name/healthbar.

a better look at one of the signs referencing the Mother!!! i was waiting for this, the only real look we got at one was in that one scene with Moze and IB

“Behold the Mother strength surrender to the truth”

yeah that’s not ominous...

i assume the mother and father are intended to be tyreen and troy? but idk how i feel about that implication...

i like the new little gear/spring effect for the magnet lol

new lilith! i know a lot of people don’t like it, but i do. she looks better than the bl2 vers. altho i think it’s weird they swapped both bl1 and bl2′s ‘AI’ effect to those dots and then didn’t bring it to BL3. the dots effect felt cleaner. curious why they’re not applying it to bl3 when they went thru all that effort in 1 and 2.

... back up please.

i like that there is a changing icon for long pressing now

“time to check out our slay of the day!” sounds like Tyreen but tbh i legit thought this was moze’s reaction to opening the chest at first lol

you can hear someone start screaming in agony while she’s walking up the stairs, so i know it’s not moze, but im so used to the VHs talking when they see a new piece of loot my brain just assumed.

also THE MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND IS A REMIX OF BANDIT SLAUGHTER!!! IM SO HAPPY ABOUT THIS I WAS FREAKING OUT THE FIRST TIME I HEARD IT

also, claptrap when dropping health yells “this could save your life! then, you’ll owe me a life debt!” bullshit im pretty sure you already decided we owed you a life debt the moment we stepped off that bus

“i see it... the great vault” - a line from a cultist you kill

i know i mentioned in this post that the Great Vault may be already opened, but it could also just be a Vault they’re planning on opening and using the propaganda to convince the cultists to help them find it.

“if you help us get this vault open, you’ll be handsomely rewarded! you’ll get superpowers! you’ll get regular meals! you’ll get money and guns and dates!” you know, the usual stuff.

either way, elevating the Vault to a higher state (god/heaven/whatever) makes sense if you’re running a cult.

btw there is a hidden chest in the scaffolding to the left of the door, if you’re interested in grabbing some better guns before shiv. personally, i’ll be using the toy guns.

also the TVs are actually playing propaganda now!!

this one is asking questions that i cant understand due to the sound effects of the chest and claptrap talking, but it says something about “... the dust? ... join the Children of the Vault!”

“hey shiiiiiv all your dumb friends are dead!!”

shiv be like

“all my friends are dead”

some cool level-up art! I notice these are the same pictures as used on the japanese site. i wonder if they change depending on which VH you’ve picked (If you’re playing Amara/Fl4k, do you get pics of Amara and Fl4k? the player is playing moze, afterall).

also also “it’s a KIA on the knife wielding maniac. suuuper dead.”

it’s cool that the VHs have specific lines for the deaths of bosses. i hope that continues and it’s not just a ‘15 min of intro gameplay’ thing. you know, where everything is super detailed in the beginning and then slowly gets less and less as the game progresses? anyway, moze’s little chuckle is fuckin adorable lol

ah. the door closes now so you can’t even explore Shiv’s room before Lilith shows up. gearbox plS you know me too well, i was looking for a g l i m p s e

claptrap’s voice line for getting released is SUPER off time, he hits the ground before going “you did it! i’m sa-ahhhhhhhh!” it’s weird, wondering if that’s just a glitch.

also also we get a nice listen to the revive ally sound. i could’ve sworn it wasn’t in the first look at this mission we got, because i heard it for the first time during the coop Zane/Amara gameplay on Promethea. i might be wrong, tho.

im very curious what these symbols are claptrap is beaming up

i mean you know what im gonna say

they look eridian

and they do

so wtf clappy why u beaming up eridian letters to Lilith

i assume maybe Tannis gave clappy some weird upgrade or something so he could communicate with the crimson raiders without the CoV listening in? it could be that Tannis or someone is decoding this message since Tannis does know how to translate Eridian (as shown in her bl1 ECHOs)

... or at the very least she gave Lilith a translator

the darkening makes it so that you can see the crackening. also this COULD just be a beam that lilith can see from wherever she is, but i want to believe there’s more eridian stuff. bc eridian stuff is fun.

this is so fu cking crisp im dying i love it

lilith’s tattoos spreading down her fingers

same symbol as her chest tattoo. maybe the symbol denotes new powers? like how lily has one on her chest for phasewalking, and a new one on her hand for teleportation

i love how her wings look like actual fire. i fucking love this

lilith is looking so fucking good in the new engine

im glad they got rid of her super red eyes, tbh it looked a bit weird

i think they are really pushing her fire affinity, im sure we’ll see Maya has an elemental affinity as well (im calling corrosive) and im sure Tyreen will too (slag). Amara looks to be Shock because that’s her ‘default’, but who knows until (if) bl4 comes out. but corrosive wings on maya would look SOOO fucking cool. please. please please please.

god she looks so good compared to bl2. i love how the tattoos softly glow in the dark, too. i gotta play this mission late in the day...

“you’re... the voice in my head, right?” i love this so much, i really hope my shitpost comes true.

lilith gives you a grenade mod for completing her mission! im really glad they are PUSHING through the tutorial/intro so you can get right into the game. bl2′s ‘intro’ of all these tutorials was brutal. especially waiting to unlock your action skill.

in 3 you get your action skill automatically at level 2!!! which is insane, i love it! they’re jumping right into it, it’s great. and they seem to be pushing for you to get all the stuff you need right away.

it’s curious to note that in bl3 we get our class mods at the end of the Promethea demo (after Gigamind), since in bl2 you get your first (usually?) after the hunting the firehawk mission and both seem to take place immediately after we get to the ‘base of operations’ of the game (Sanctuary vs Sanctuary-III).

yep that quest is 100% in line with the quest marker.

i imagine From the Ground Up may be discovering where the Vault Map/Key actually is? maybe bringing people to the Recruitment Center (notably Tannis)

for this scene. i hope this takes place after the HBC, because i seriously... can’t imagine the twins showing up, taking the Vault Map, bringing it to the HBC, and then NOT taking Lilith’s powers/trying to kill Lily and accidentally taking her powers. it just doesn’t make sense, Vault Hunters be damned, we are level 2 they could melt us easy peasy.

If anything, it feels like we COULD find the Vault Map in the Recruitment Center, Tannis tries to activate it/fix it, we find out it’s mega broke, and then the Sun Smashers show up and take it. but i seriously can’t imagine Lilith nor the new VHs allowing that to happen while they’re still there. maybe if Tannis sends us to do something while Lilith is gathering other CR members? then it could make sense if they attack while Tannis is alone with the Key...

we end up finding something in Shiv’s room that shows/helps us realize the Sun Smashers bringing the Vault Map to the Calypsos. tho this would mean the quest From the Ground Up is SUPER short and I imagine it’s not. Maybe we raid a camp of theirs like the one in front of Sanc-III with the bridge/ramp? We need to be about level 6 before we go and we start From the Ground Up at 2 so there’s obviously something DEEP we’re missing here. maybe this is a mission where we go gather the other Crimson Raiders? HMMMMMMMM...

.... oh.

nevermind lmfao

she opens her ECHO immediately after this LOL i feel kinda dumb now

raiding their camp it is! the Droughts sounds like a fun location. Very much like the dust. you guys think there’s a Shade situation going on there? i’m excited to see it. Still think we’re going to use Shiv’s room to get that lead, though. i just really wanna watch tv lmfao. i hope this means the bandits run from the camp to the HBC, or we find info that the bandit warchief sent a party to the HBC with the Vault Map. either way, i just don’t want the twins showing up until after the HBC or i will have so many questions. “why didn’t you kill lilith?” being the first. “the god queen wants her head!” ur goddamn right she does, so why doesn’t she (try to) kill lilith???

85% already?! hot damn

also

that’s one badass description there, Moze

also also

while having gun slots locked is pretty normal, im surprised they’re locking class mods and relics, too! i wonder when we’ll be able to equip relics. maybe when we first go to eden-6 or smth. or maybe after we meet up with Rhys. shit maybe he’s just handing us an artifact (im gonna interchange these a lot, sorry!) in that Promethea video lmfao

“ready to chuck some boom and frag some maniacs” lol moze i love you

if you’re playing Zane... `equips grenade mod for checkmark` `immediately equips second action skill and never actually uses grenade mod`

“it’s the firehawk! the god queen wants her head!”

like i alluded to before, i would not be surprised if Tyreen doesn’t know she can absorb Siren powers... when she goes to succ lilith in front of Sanctuary-III, it’s totally possible she actually was trying to kill her. That could explain why she looks so intrigued at her hand like “oh shit okay lets see what this can do”

might be why she was okay with sending her cultists after her instead of showing up herself.

“alright, we got a foothold. maybe things are turning our way. come on killer, you’re with me” we are going to explore the SHIT out of shiv’s room.

alright alright alright

let’s move on to the Sanctuary-III stuff

yessss

i love the quest objective thing, it looks like we will be able to swap through our quests with the push of a button! also im curious why exactly we’re going to promethea right away. i wonder if the twins say something about moving there after getting the vault map/lilith’s powers, or if we hear from rhys. im expecting something about the vault map, since our vh will admit they don’t know rhys at all when talking to lorelei. but for some reason we need to be within the city limits? since lily says ellie got us within the city limits.

hmmmmmm. okay, okay, maybe the map was trying to lead us to promethea for vault reasons during that short amount of time that we had it and it was working. maybe promethea is what we see when tannis is activating the key during that one cutscene? ohhh shit how dope would it be if we got that fucking easter egg message? omg “Children of the Vault. Come to Promethea. We are not on Pandora anymore. Tannis is not what she seems. Do not open the Vaults.” and everyone is like ‘uh did that thing just mention Tannis by name??’ and now it’s REALLY important to get the map back just so we can figure out wtf it’s trying to tell us.

i will question how ‘Tannis is not what she seems’ would affect character relationships, especially if it’s said so early in the game. so perhaps we only hear the first part of the message. maybe it’s corrupted because it was recently broken. iunno. just playing around with ideas. the canon of this game is like flarp putty until sept. 13th

anyway moving on because this is literally the first f r a m e of the video

i like that you can see pandora’s eridian scar. if the destroyer is speaking through eridium to people, it’s gonna bust outta the side of this planet like you wouldn’t fucking believe lmao. eridium is a window to the soul and if you stare long enough into its glossy, shining sides, the destroyer stares back

that or it’s just like a beacon, slowly spreading its influence across the universe. but i like the idea that the destroyer can waltz out of a big enough hunk of eridium. so it will bust out of pandora’s eridium scar. F in chat for pandora but also lmfao the amount of tentacles and rage would be unparalleled.

reality is that the twins are probably farming this scar for eridium to turn into slag for multiple purposes. like brainwashing their cultists, giving them powers, and ensuring their guns have their manufacturer’s quirk (im getting to this in my next post bc im just gonna compile all the ign gun videos into one big post)

the floor art is different from the actual sanc-iii demo. i mention this first in my behind closed doors panel analysis, but im gonna mention it again because this is ~official~. the floor list on the first walkthru of sanc-iii we got had the names of all the crimson raiders and lines leading to their shops. so we had the infirmary/tannis, marcus, moxxi, etc listed on the floor. i imagine this new sanc-iii will change as we get more people on board or if we do a sort of re-decoration of the ship.

also also, it’s cool to see that we have 4 rooms on the minimap, likely one for each of the VHs (and your coop buddies). ive seen speculation that the other, non-played VHs will hang out in their rooms when you’re not playing them, and tbh i really hope this is the case.

we also know this version of sanctuary-iii is after pandora, so there are no promethea citizens aboard yet. which makes me double certain the first sanc-iii video we got takes place either after endgame (explaining why Lily has her tattoos back) or right after Athenas (explaining why Maya is there). which... i mean... spoilers, guys.

that’s one good lookin fast travel station, holy shit

im in tears over here because “Caution: no steppy”. this is so fucking funny to me

no steppy on me

okay moving on because i will cry laugh over this for forever im allowed

moze’s room is so much different than amara’s

also i notice she’s on the left of the two on the top, which makes me hope the other 4 are reserved for the other VHs (or your coop buddy).

compared to the official sanc-iii demo video

and amara’s room

moze’s is so barren oh my god

someone get this girl like... a colorful throw pillow or something

baaank. also doubles as the secret stash. kinda upsetting, because that is infinitely less loot i can store when i make a lot of characters. also if i upgrade the bank once, is it upgraded across all my other characters too? or are the guns i put in storage slot 11 locked up until i buy the upgrade?

either way, i am saddened because no more mule characters. and way less space the more characters you make and more gear you find, because all gear you put in here is there across all characters. i hope this means our backpacks will be a lot bigger this time around!

supamax mfg shows up again

ppm/04-02 matches up with the number behind the fast travel station. i wonder if this will come into play. if the number changes later in-game im going to freak the fuck out bc that means wherever we are isn’t actually sanctuary-iii

ppm/04-02. remember that 👀

also, the wall behind the golden chest changed from red to steel/greenish. can’t tell the actual color. same as the floor

you know. that color.

“golden keys are popular. you can get some in-game and also get them online”

in-game you say??? im interested! i wonder if there will be some sort of arena (like moxxi’s) where if you complete it you get a key as a reward. i saw people speculating about some sort of randomized boss rush, that could definitely be a way to get gold keys, as well.

oooo engine room! im excited to explore here.

original size is 16. so, we have 40 backpack slots! still... you know... only 1 above the max of bl2, but hey. at least that’s an upgrade. as small as it may be

on the bright side: bank upgrades increase capacity by 5. with a base of 10, and 8 upgrades, we have 50 slots to fill. which is a big leap from the original 24. it is still a shame we have to share these across characters, tho

offline cultist stream? makes me think the CoV really was trying to steal/take over sanc-iii from the crimson raiders and we went to go take it (back?) in Taking Flight. either the CoV found/ordered Sanc-III, or the crimson raiders were building it/fixing it up, their stronghold got taken over, and the CoV were prepping it for takeover.

the shooting range. and if you notice that little CoV symbol in the bottom left there? yeah pretty much backs up my previous theory

all those red bits are tied to ellie’s crew challenge. so we’ll be collecting things for her!

an altar for scooter 😢

“we’re gonna get those cultism sumbitches, believe you me”

where you get yeeted out of Sanc-III. im definitely going to try jumping in it to see if it kills me. doesn’t look like the drop pods are available yet

that’s not clappy, pretty sure he’s hanging out on the bridge right now

schematics for veronica

the thing i was most excited about in this video!

loooots of customizations! which excites me because i know eridium used to get useless late game when you’ve grinded all the raid bosses. it looks like eridum is going to be in ultra high demand. but u can bet ur ass im gonna be unlocking all those fucking customizations asap.

veteran rewards is also super super interesting

hgggggg i wanna know what the shields do!!!

i like the vault symbol at the top of the item card as well, shows you its a special type of weapon/item. im honestly surprised we’re able to buy ‘veteran rewards’ so early in the game? i mean obvi we won’t have enough eridium (look at the costs!) but it’s wild it’s even accessible. im personally a fan of the first bonus ‘anointed: gain life steal on action skill end’

looks like these guns have been chosen

to give them those special bonuses

i do see that just anointed is not class specific, but the ones that say anointed gunner or maybe anointed siren will be (confirmed by the devs in video).

you pay with eridium, so maybe the vending machine has some way to confer the power of eridium to the guns. or some shit. iunno. it’s possible this won’t be available until the end of the game, hence veteran rewards, and is only being shown to us right now since this is a showcasing video.

pandoran civilian. no promethea civilians today folks! i am CONVINCED that the old sanc-iii demo takes place after the end of the game. at least after athenas.

it’s weird seeing moxxi hanging outside her bar.

is also cool to know that the 4 slot machines are actually available. seems like npcs can play them, but we can use all 4 if we want to. which is really nice

the one on the far left is called the ‘loot boxxer’ and it gives mostly guns lol. i see they are taking jabs. good for them

better pic of the leftmost machines

Zer0 seems to have a bounty board? not sure if this is like a physical bounty board or if they will contact you when they want something dead, but it is cool to note. this isn’t shown in video, just the devs speaking about it.

similarly hammerlock has ‘big game hunts’ where you find “rare, challenging creatures” and kill them for him

apparently we’ll be killing something known as a manvark

this book

i fucking recognize this book

HAMMERLOCK NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

in all seriousness tho

hammerlock probably isn’t in his room because we haven’t rescued him from eden-6 yet.

a cool thing about the crew challenges: as you progress through the game and do these challenges, sanc-iii will ‘grow and change to reflect the things you’ve accomplished’. altho another dev says “sometimes these are optional things, like challenges”

so now im like oh shit we’re gonna change sanc-iii as we play the game. i wonder if that means we’ll be changing the hull, too. because you know. the blue paint job. we gotta go STEALTH. sneaky beaky into the calypsos fleety

tannis doesn’t have the saurian on her table. also, interesting note, she DOES have the eridian log in the corner. meaning she must have had that before eden-6. interesting... maybe we’ll find more on Pandora.

she is still covered in blood tho. idk i don’t have an explanation for that. don’t think i want to think of one, to be quite honest.

oh no. (those are skulls next to all the gurneys)

“tannis plays a much bigger role in bl3 than she has in past games”. bigger than borderlands 1? that is... impressive. she’ll be running the health vending machines (which is weird bc i could’ve sworn in the promethea demo, zed was still running them... hm.)

another angle of sanc-iii

clappy? you good there?

the devs said they’re using him to plug a hole. i assume the calypsos shot at the ship as we’re leaving or smth.

lily with no tattoos, who also looks significantly more pissed than her other sanc-iii demo counterpart

you know. because she got her tattoos.

also

fucking

lilith says something right here. all i can make out is “Tyreen took my powers. it’s like tannis said. ..... [inaudible] Siren.” maybe some weird word i haven’t heard before? i swear she’s saying ‘like tannis said: a ‘m...’ Siren” but i am not 100% sure. if someone could help me out, that’d be rad.

so its sounding like lilith rushed in with explicit warning from tannis about tyreen stealing her powers, and tannis knew tyreen was some sort of Siren and warned lily, but lily didn’t listen. it could also be that lily is saying something like “im not a siren” but i can’t really hear it if she is. it sounds like she saying a word that starts with m to me. if someone could help me with this i’d owe you my life

whew. i am. fucking TIRED.

im gonna sleep for like 3 hours and then wake up and make food before the fl4k streams start.

#borderlands #bl3 #borderlands 3

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ilovereadingandilovebreathing · 5 years

Text

In the Midst of Catastrophe

A/N: I had a couple of requests for Prinxiety with the Lost Cat AU, so it’s finally here! Sorry if it’s a lot like my other two lol And sorry for errors; I didn’t edit it super closely because the guilt of not posting this one when I posted two other ones was eating at me all week lol Edit: Just learned how to do Read More on Mobile; sorry about that lol

College AU that is different from my existing one lol

Warning for cussing, upset stomach mention, alcohol reference, sadness/crying, stranger paranoia, anxiety symptoms, implied violent pet death mention, family death mention, and actual pet death mention (SPOILER BUT NOT VIRGIL’S CAT NO WORRIES)

The sleepy, grey rays of an overcast Sunday morning filtered through Virgil Anderson’s curtains, only brightening enough to pull the young man from a fitful sleep around 11 in the morning. With a groan, Virgil threw his blankets off and trudged into the kitchen he shared with his two other roommates, perching hunched on one of the trio’s bar stools with a yawn.

“Morning, Moonshine!” Virgil’s bubbly roommate, Patton, breeezed past him and into the kitchen, clicked on the coffee maker, and turned on a stove eye.

“Pat, I told you, moonshine is alcohol.”

“I know, but Logan is my Starshine, and I’m his Sunshine, so you’re my Moonshine. You have to be!” Patton pouted a bit and gestured toward the breakfast food part of their pantry. “Pancakes? French toast? Just toasted toast?”

“Nothing right now.” Virgil grumbled, sliding an arm over his rolling stomach.

Patton frowned, a sad gleam in his eyes, and he slowly crossed to his roommate to wrap him in a warm, loving hug.

“No luck with Shadow then, huh?”

Virgil shook his head mutely, and Patton gave him a squeeze and rested his head on Virgil’s.

“I’m so sorry, Vee. I’m sure he’ll turn up soon. Cats are smart like that; they have a built in homing device or something.”

“Something like that.” A deep, sleepy voice cut in from across the room, and the quiet pair looked up to find their third roommate trying to rub his eyes into wakefulness. “Or just animal instinct.”

“Morning, Lolo.” Patton murmured sweetly through Virgil’s hair.

“I assume this means that Shadow is sticking to his leave of absence?”

Virgil nodded again and allowed his chin to fall to his chest with a loud sigh. Patton made a distressed noise in the back of his throat and moved to hold Virgil from the side, rubbing Virgil’s back with one hand and moving to take Virgil’s hand with the other.

“He’ll come home, Virgil. I know he will. He loves you,” Patton whispered softly in Virgil’s ear. “Promise me you’ll come to us if you start to feel...wonky. Promise me.”

Virgil quirked a brow at Patton’s word choice, but he ultimately nodded and squeezed Patton’s hand, touching the other to his chin and signing “Thank you” as Patton stood up straight. Their sign that Virgil was ultimately okay but a little overwhelmed. Patton smiled, patted his shoulder, and crossed to Logan, quickly wrapping his arms around the other’s neck. He breathed out a soft “good morning” and placed an equally soft kiss on his lover’s lips. Logan blinked and reciprocated before Patton pulled away and folded into the taller man’s side.

“Hungry, sweetpea?”

“Soon.” Logan grunted and allowed Patton to lead him to the table and sit him down with a light pat to the crown of his head.

“Sleepy Logan is my favorite.” Patton whispered to Virgil conspiratorially as he passed. “He’s so cute when he’s tired.”

“Or grumpy.” Virgil chuckled quietly when Patton came back with a steaming cup of coffee.

“That’s before he sleeps. Or if I wake him up early.”

“Have you tried posters, Virgil?” Logan suddenly spoke up from the table as Patton set down his mug, startling his boyfriend a bit.

“What?”

“Lost Cat posters. For Shadow.”

“Oh, right, yeah. I could do that, I guess. Slap something together in Word and hang them up.”

“I’ll help!”

“Patton, we have study group today.”

Patton groaned dramatically. “But LOLOOOOOO we HAVE to help Virgiiiillll!! Don’t you care about Shadow at aaaalllll?”

“We can take a few posters to hang up as we go.”

“But...”

“It’s fine, Pat. I got it.” Virgil pulled out a smile.

“It has only been a three days.” Logan offered. “Cats can disappear for a couple of weeks and return unscathed.”

“I know. I’ve always had cats, and one vanished for a month once, but....Shadow is different.”

“We know.” Patton smiled sadly at his roommate. “And he’s a smart cookie kitty, so he’ll probably be home by tonight! Maybe he just went exploring. He’s still pretty new to this place!”

“True.” Virgil sighed, trying to push down the negative scenarios flying through his mind. “But we just finally got clearance for him to live here with me, and now he’s gone. It’s just frustrating. And scary.”

“I know. Why don’t you get started on the posters if you can’t eat?”

“Good idea.” Virgil pushed himself from the breakfast bar and shuffled to his laptop, abandoned on their coffee table from the night before. “What do you even put on a missing pet poster?”

“Usually the animal’s name, your name, contact information, a reward if possible, and a picture with or without a brief physical description.” Logan replied between notes of toast.

Virgil nodded and typed quietly for the next ten minutes or so. “Okay. Come see.”

Patton and Logan peered over their roommate’s shoulders, each with his respective breakfast in his hand while inspecting the poster.

“Virgil! You can’t put cuss words! What if a kid sees it?”

“Then they can learn.”

“It can certainly get people’s attention...”

“Lo! Don’t encourage this!”

“I believe it is an appropriate poster.”

“Thanks, Lo.”

Patton whined and dragged his feet back to the kitchen table, falling toward it dramatically. “You’re corrupting the CHILDREN!”

“Patton,” Virgil quipped. “We all know you have a potty mouth at the right times.”

“That was ONE TIME during Monopoly!”

“And two during Yahtzee.” Logan deadpanned.

“I think one during Pictionary, too.” Virgil snickered not unkindly as Patton blushed.

“....Fine. It works.”

“Nice.” Virgil hit the enter key and sent 25 copies of the small poster to his printer. 25 copies of Shadow’s solid black fur and big green eyes stared up at him, framed by these words:

LOST ASSHOLE CAT

Shadow Anderson

Fluffy asscat with black fur and green eyes

Basically Toothless as a cat

I need this jerk, so please help a dude out

Call or text 1-555-8474

$100 REWARD

(Sorry I’m a broke college kid)

The sun was setting by the time Virgil headed back home, an afternoon of hanging up posters and asking people having yielded nothing. Virgil stumbled through his bedroom door just as his phone went off for the 13th time since he hung up his first poster. (6 false leads, 2 pranks, 1 occultist, and 3 other pet owners offering their advice.) Virgil collapsed in his bed and took a deep breath before facing what would likely be another disappointment.

[Pat😄]

Hey, V! Did you find him?!

[💜Virge🖤]

Not yet

[Pat😄]

Aww I’m sorry! My friend, Valerie, volunteers at a shelter to get experience for her Vet. program, and she says it’s the most popular for found pets. I’ll send you the number!

[💜Virge🖤]

Thanks pat

Virgil sighed and dropped his phone next to him, closing his eyes and just breathing to calm his racing heart. His breath hitched when his phone vibrated multiple times, second long gaps in between each message, and he lay staring at the device until it had stopped moving for a full few minutes. Slowly, he reached over and brought the device to his face, and his heart stuttered when a screenful of notifications met his eyes. It was a stream of texts from the same unfamiliar number.

[+1 555-7662]

Did you find your cat????

Oh shit you don’t know me. Hi, I’m Roman! I’m a Leo, and I love long walks on the beach.

Lol anyway sorry I just wanted to make sure you got your cat back!

[+1 555-8474]

No not yet but thanks for asking

[+1 555-7662]

Oh okay, sorry to hear that. Hope he comes home soon!

[+1 555-8474]

Thanks again

[+1 555-7662]

Is there any way I can help??? More Posters? Talking to people?

Virgil quirked a brow. What the hell was this guy’s game?

[+1 555-8474]

No not really only if you find him somehow

Again thanks for the offer

[+1 555-7662]

Oh okay just let me know if anything changes. You have my number lol

[+1 555-8474]

Yup

“Might have to block that number...” Virgil muttered just as the front door flew open.

“Viiiiiiiirgiiiiilllll!” His roommate sang as he flounced into the room. “We brought your favorite Pad Thaaaaaiiiii!”

“Thanks, Pat. Thai.” Virgil’s lips quirked into a grin at Patton’s approving laughter; he turned he slipped his phone into his pocket, the device staying silent all night and into the next morning. Until 7AM.

[+1 555-7662]

Good morning! Any overnight luck on the kitty caper?

Hello? Virgil?!

[+1 555-8474]

What the hell, man?! You understand that 7AM is an ungodly hour to be awake for some people???? and no my cat is still gone but thanks for remind me

[+1 555-7662]

Oh god I’m so sorry I have to get up early to get in a decent work out and I just didn’t even think about it Wow okay I’ll stop texting you good night or morning or whatever

Virgil turned his phone on silent and threw it into his clothes hamper before turning over.

The early morning texts set the mood for that week. Roman texted Virgil daily, sometimes multiple times daily, for updates on the Shadow situation, and Virgil was becoming increasingly incensed with this stranger’s obsession with his cat and his life.

[+1 555-7662]

Hello! Hope today is a better day! Let me know what I can do to help!

Hello hello! Any luck on Shadow?

Viiiiiuuurrrrrgiiiiiiilllllll???

[+1 555-8474]

No not yet

[+1 555-7662]

Oh no 😔

As the days progressed, Roman’s texts progresssed beyond Shadow, and he periodically asked Virgil about his own life, having weeded out of Virgil that they attended the same college and were both first semester sophomores. Any other person would have brushed off Roman’s enthusiasm, but every time his phone buzzed, Virgil’s heart lurched painfully in his chest. Notification sounds of any type caused an immediate physical reaction in Virgil, so he normally kept his phone completely silent and answered when he felt ready to. However, lately Virgil had to keep his phone on vibrate so that he didn’t miss an actual update on Shadow, but all he was getting was updates on Roman’s life and curiosity.

[+1 555-7662]

Ugh astronomy is soooo boring!!!!

[+1 555-7662]

Omg late for rehearsal again lol he’s so going to kick me out of the troupe

[+1 555-7662]

Saved today! Director’s tired blew out oops

[+1 555-7662]

Any luck with Shadow?!

It wasn’t that Virgil had anything against a kind stranger or Roman in particular, but that was the issue. Roman was a stranger, and Virgil couldn’t conceive of any universe in which a total stranger would care so much about him or his cat unless he was a psycho or stalker or something. The thought left Virgil paralyzed. What was this guy’s angle? There had to be one, and Virgil wanted no part of it.

He left Roman on Read for a few days.

That particularly rough Thursday was when it all came to a head. Shadow was still missing; Virgil overslept, had to skip breakfast, wasn’t ready for a pop quiz in his 50 minute 11am class, and nearly missed his noon class in a mad dash to get a snack in between (the professor was an asshole who locked the doors right at noon.) On top of all that, prank message number three came through.

[Unknown]

Your cat and my front bumper became good friends today

Virgil’s stomach lurched and his heart pounded; he threw his phone onto his rug and wept bitterly into his hands. Thank god he was already home.

“Virgil?! Honey, are you okay?!” Virgil shook his head furiously as Patton shuffled into his room and gasped. “Aw, baby...”

“Some asshole just sent me....he said that Shadow-“

“Oh no, another prank?” Patton murmured softly as he sat next to Virgil on the bed; he gently coaxed his friend into his arms when he nodded affirmation and stroked Virgil’s hair as he sobbed. Patton bent over a bit when Virgil’s phone set off in a stream of messages. “Oh dear...” Patton released Virgil to pluck up the phone, but before he could silence it, he noticed the repetition on the screen.. “Someone you don’t know really wants to talk to you...about....acting? And Shadow?”

“Oh...god....” Virgil whimpered between sobs. “Roman...” He took a few minutes to breathe and calm himself. “Some guy who saw my posters...He’s been texting me NON-STOP, and I’ve barely even replied!”

“Hey, let’s just put this away, okay?.....” Sensing another breakdown, Patton put the phone into silent mode and slid it into Virgil’s bedside drawer. “You need a break. Come watch a movie with me.”

Virgil eventually relented and followed Patton who decided that Logan could watch Virgil’s phone while they relaxed. A few hours of movies and roommate time found Virgil only marginally better, but he could at least fake it well enough that Patton let him be in his room alone again. He’d gotten his phone back from Logan and found, to his annoyance, multiple screens of messages from Roman, the most recent about Shadow.

[+1 555-7662]

No luck yet but still looking!

I’m so sorry your going through this. I hope he comes home soon.

Any luck on your end? No more bad leads I hope.

Virgil? Are you okay?

[+1 555-8474]

Roman oh my god chill out!

[+1 555-7662]

Whoa what’s with the anger all of a sudden, Orlando Gloom?

[+1 555-8474]

What the hell does that even mean?

Whatever

Roman just leave me alone oh my god you’ve blown up my phone this week just chill

[+1 555-7662]

I’m sorry for wanting to help you find Shadow and for trying to distract you from your sadness.

[+1 555-8474]

Oh is that what this was? Well I’m SO sorry for ruining your act of charity

[+1 555-7662]

Look, I wasn’t trying to guilt trip you; I really just wanted to help.

[+1 555-8747]

Why do you care about helping me so much?! You don’t even know me!

Radio silence for literal hours, and just when Virgil felt like he should apologize, Roman replied.

[+1 555-7662]

....I lost my cat a few months ago. She’s the only one I have left.

[+1 555-8474]

What?

[+1 555-7662]

My parents and younger brother died in a head-on collision two years ago. She’s literally the only family I have left. Thankfully, I found her after a month or so; an older woman found her and kept her inside all that time so she was fine, but that period of her being gone was so agonizing and anxious and lonely and just awful, and the thought of someone else going through that just....I don’t know hit me I guess.

Oh my god. Wow. I’m so sorry that was way too much too tell you. Oh my god I didn’t even ask if it was okay to get that heavy. I’m so sorry holy shit!!!

[+1 555-8474]

Roman. It’s okay. I’m sorry I snapped at you.

Thank you for caring about me and Shadow

Suddenly, his phone began to ring, and he sat up quickly, eying another unfamiliar number, but the first new call in a while, wearily before answering.

“....Hello?”

“Heeeeyyyy is this Virgil?”

“....uh, yeah?”

“Hey, gurl, I’m Remy, not that it matters, but I think I found your little Salem.”

“Shadow.”

“I’m just messin’, gurl, I know. I see it on his collar.”

Virgil’s heart stalled. None of the others had mentioned Shadow’s collar.

“What does it say on the back?” Virgil asked slowly.

“E.S.A. Emotional Support Animal.”

“Oh my god, you have him!” Virgil felt his eyes well with tears.

“Sweet beans!! Actually, that’s where I am. Sweet Beans Coffee by East Campus.”

“I know the place. I’ll be there. Thank you so much!”

“See ya soon!”

“Never do that again, you asshole.” Virgil rubbed between Shadow’s ears, oblivious purs of satisfaction emanating through the beast’s body as he lay curled in his owner’s lap. “Thank God Remy found you in your dumpster apartment before something else did. God.” Virgil sighed and leaned back right as an idea clicked into place. He leaned over and snatched his phone, noting the concerned messages from Roman when he hadn’t answered their thread from hours ago, and took a selfie with Shadow in the foreground.

[+1 555-8474]

Got my asshole back

[+1 555-7662]

Yay oh my god congrats!

OMG I DO know you! I wasn’t sure before, and I didn’t want to weird you out if it wasn’t you, but we had that freshman seminar class together!

I never said anything in that class because I’m not the best at articulating myself, but you sat with the really sweet guy and the smart kid! You guys always had amazing points, and I wanted to be friends with you guys so bad, but I didn’t know how to say anything without being a total lame asshole creeper.

[+1 555-8474]

I don’t remember a Roman in that class. it was pretty small so I would remember

[+1 555-7662]

Oh Roman is my middle name. My first name is John after my dad, but that’s super boring compared to Roman so I started going by that, but the prof never remembered when I asked him personally to call me that so I gave up.

[+1 555-8474]

Oh my god you’re John Prince

Virgil blushed fiercely at the realization. He’d had all of two conversations with Jo-Roman for the class, but he’d definitely been the one star struck by the other young man’s incredible looks and charm. He was right, his ideas had often come out jumbled, if not passionately so, and Virgil had secretly admired his gusto, but he never imagined someone like Roman would look at him twice, especially not in the way Virgil wanted. Roman always seemed like a lady’s man to him, but perhaps, like before, he’d had Roman pegged the wrong way.

[+1 555-7662]

He I am. John Roman Prince at your service.

Roman sent a selfie of him wearing a crown and red sash with a fluffy white cat with big blue eyes perched primly in his lap.

[+1 555-7662]

And this is Sugar. She would love to meet Shadow sometime if that is agreeable with you

[+1 555-8474]

A kitty play date? Sounds kinda weird but cute. Like a dumb Hallmark movie. What would we do while our cats talked?

[+1 555-7662]

Talk in person. Get to know each other for real like a dumb Hallmark movie. If you’re open to that kind of thing.

[+1 555-8474]

I am actually. Believe it or not, Shadow isn’t an outdoor cat, so is my place okay? Logan and Patton will be here, too, probably, so I hope you like Disney movies and science.

[+1 555-7662]

One I love and the other I can learn to love. When should we arrive?

[+1 555-8474]

[+1 555-7662]

Purrfect.

#sanders sides #sanders sides fanfic #sanders sides fic #thomas sanders #thomas sanders fanfic #sorry they always end on cliffhangers lol #i usually hit block limit or whatever bs lol #tsfanfics #mine

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aubrielegault-blog · 6 years

Text

TV vs. Table

Our TV did not work tonight.

Picture a “no power” situation, as if you were sitting in a thunderstorm with candles lighting your hallways. Okay, so we had power, just no TV. We had started a fire before we knew our TV was out so our ambience was already set. Typically we have dinner in front of the TV, watching... something...anything. It can range from movies to new TV shows, to something on Netflix...to reruns of Big Bang Theory. Almost all of our dinners are in front of the tube. Which I use to love, I use to look forward to the day being done and to just sit mindlessly and relax with a meal. But in the past few months, I have been experiencing a change- I’m not quite sure what to call it or what to reference it to, but just that I needed a change in what I was doing with my downtime. See- we don’t have kids. So we don’t “need” to sit down to a table for our meal and talk about our day. Or so I thought. I thought that allowing our brains to have a vacation every night from work, from life, from thought, from just about anything (picture a flat line on a cardiopulmonary monitor... beeeeeeeeep) was good for us. It was a much-needed break from reality. We didn’t have to think, we didn’t have to do much of anything but sit mesmerized by flashing pictures and sound coming from a rectangle screen. (Sorry, but “box” isn’t cutting it anymore for the shape of a TV- we’re all rocking a 2:3 ratio now.)

Now, first, you’re going to think to yourself that my marriage is a piece of shit. When I say “we” I am referring to my husband and myself (and my dog). I already mentioned no kids. So it’s just the two/three of us. It sounds like we ignore each other and are focused on TV shows. Which, to be honest, is probably the case come later evening. But- I want to cushion the blow a bit and tell you that it’s nothing like you’re assuming. We go to bed with each other every night, we always sleep together, we cuddle in the beginning, there isn’t a day that goes by that we don’t kiss and even flirt (boob grabbing, ass smacking, teasing, the whole bit). We have sex on a regular basis- although I would have it more- but I am a rare, randy/horny female.... and my husband is 9 years older than me. When we are not “traveling” (or for me, at a shoot) we work from home- so we see each other and we have a good idea on what is going on with our work lives. We also love to go on drives and hikes (more so in the summertime) and that’s where we do one of two things- we either enjoy music (occasional podcasts) or we chat- about all sorts of stuff. So it’s not like we don’t have conversations. We’re also both independent people- in the sense of we don’t need to share or divulge every tiny little thing to someone, we’re perfectly fine with what’s going on in our heads... and we also are perfectly content with enjoying our own muses. Like- my husband can watch YouTube videos on Jeeps climbing boulders, the best way to chop wood, tiny houses in Alaska and drummers with one hand. And I- well I can swim, do yoga, read, write, listen to music.... shit, I can go to concerts, movies, dinner, you name it- by myself. And it doesn’t bother me. ...As I said, two independent people. On the flip side- I rely on David for many things (outside of just good ol’ companionship) and he relies on me for things as well. Basically, a long-winded paragraph to say, that I don’t think there is anything wrong with my marriage or my relationship with my husband. Could it be better? Always. When is that not the answer? Usually, things can always improve. But I am not writing this as a red flag to my marriage. More of an observation.

So back to... our TV isn’t working. It started off with each of us enjoying a gin martini while working- David was working on setting up the new TV and I was finishing some editing. The fire was already roaring and most of the dinner was cooking. I cam out to finish dinner- throw some salmon on the skillet and steam some broccoli. David could not get the TV to connect. So the centerpiece in our living room was a black hole for the night. I joked that he might actually have to have dinner with me at the table- which is now shoved in a corner and will only fit two people comfortably unless I pull it away from the wall. (I did this on purpose- more open space.) ...And so, we did. I plated our meal and we actually sat at the dinner table. We happened to have a growler of our all-time favorite beer, so we poured that and enjoyed a nice 12% Triple IPA with our salmon and baked potato. It was nice- like a typical dinner at a restaurant where we chatted and enjoyed a beer... only we didn’t have to tip and we had to load our own dishwasher. I knew instantly though, that we needed to incorporate this back into our lives. Do we need to do it every night? No, I don’t think we do. I’m fine with finding some sort of happy medium between enjoying some TV programs and having dinner with conversation.

After dinner... we still didn’t have a TV. At one point both of us were on the floor in front of the fireplace. We stroked our dog and spent a little time with him, after all, he is dying of cancer. The fireplace was nice. I busted out my foam roller and rolled out my back and did a few stretches. David cleaned up the kitchen. And then, we grabbed our devices. David sat down on the couch and pulled out his phone. I was inspired by the way our night went + books/podcasts that I’ve been listening too on minimalism and less tech that I grabbed my laptop to write this piece. I will say that I didn’t grab my phone and I actually did not open up my laptop and look at any social media or email sites. I simply started writing.

Even so- here we were on a random Wednesday night and after some quality time spent together we couldn’t help but to retreat to some sort of technical device. ...Or vise. And that’s really the overwhelming theme of what I have been listening and reading about- this technology that we own in our pockets are vises and we cannot live without them.

Me included.

I am slowly trying to grasp and practice this idea that life doesn’t revolve around my iPhone or my Instagram or my Facebook. Instead, those apps can be included, sporadically, into my life. And yes, I have to have Gmail to conduct business, there is no other way. But emails and social media and the internet, in general, shouldn’t BE my life.

I have a long way to go. The world has a long way to go. But I can see a small shift in how we treat those wonderful little things we call smartphones. Over time I think a lot of the population will come to the realization that we were inundated by the sheer brilliance of this technology and we were mesmerized by what it could do for us that we let it consume our lives. And, after some time, perhaps a long honeymoon phase, we are now slowly realizing that our attachment to these devices is not as worthwhile as we thought. We need balance in our lives. (One of my all-time favorite words for life is a balance.) We need to be able to use our smartphones and our technology to benefit it us in business aspects and perhaps to make a few tasks in every-day-life a little easier. But we also need to step away, turn off the TV, turn on the fireplace, and put our phones away and enjoy one another.

Random Thoughts (and quotes) on Minimalism and Less-Tech Lives

Just by trying to read a book, a good book that I am generally interested in reading, it has cut my screen time down a lot. Over the past month every time my “screen time analysis” pops up it says I am down ___ percentage. It’s been going down consistently for weeks now.

The book, Bored and Brilliant, is so far... brilliant and not at all boring.

I took a few very nice (like Portland boutique expensive) clothes items out of my closet this week. Sometimes- it just looks fantastic on while in the store and then at home, it just doesn’t work. This is what bothers me about clothes shopping... I’m all for quality over quantity. I am the type of person that doesn't mind dropping $$$ on a great pair of pants or a perfect blouse if I know that it will last a while and stay looking nice after I wash it ten times. I don’t need hundreds of options in my closet. Um, I don’t even need more than ten options. But sometimes- I fail. I buy something that in the end just doesn’t work out. And those are the pieces that are so hard to let go of. Even though I don’t love the clothes and I don’t wear them I don’t want to give them up because they cost a lot of money. ...But what good are they doing in my closet? They are taking up space. Which in the end, it takes up my time. And I want all of my time. So... the three shirts that I was clinging to, are now officially out of my closet. Now there is room for something I WILL wear.

I will have to continue my thoughts on this phenomenon- and share a lot more about the book, Bored and Brilliant. But right now, my bed is calling me. That 12% beer is telling me to close my eyes, and so I will obey its command.

#notv #minimal #minimalsim #boredandbrilliant #marriage

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snowdice · 4 years

Text

Finding the Time to Study Fic 2 [Day 10]

Here is my starting post for today’s study break stories session. See this post for more details and feel free to send me asks to keep me going! It’s been a lot of fun so far! I will reblog this post with the story as I write them today. I’ll be constantly looking for ideas of times and places for Janus to have missions, so feel free to send in any you can think of at any point!

If you are a new follower or just don’t want all of these posts clogging your dash, please feel free to block the tag “study break stories” as all posts and voting about it will go there. You can still see the finished product of the story even if you are blocking that tag as I will not tag the edited chapters with “study break stories” but with the tag “folds in paper.” See edited chapters below. Chapters 2, 3, 4, and what I have of Chapter 5 are under the cut.

My Masterpost Part 1

I also have a playlist on youtube (because Spotify didn’t have one of the songs I wanted). It’s short, and not really for serious listening, but I had fun with it.

It’s going to be stop and go for most of the night because a lot of things will interrupt me, but I hope to do a good amount of this today.

Chapter 2

The morning was just as torturous as Janus had expected it would be. He chewed through another pop-tart, this time bothering to actually check and see that it was a cinnamon-sugar one and drank three cups of caffeinated orange juice. Then, he waved his hand through the air and selected the 1st saved location on his device. He popped up directly behind his desk where he’d been standing the night morning before.

Someone, probably Remus, had shut his integrator down. He swiped a finger across the power button, and it flickered back on, scrolling through its morning start up routine.

Sitting down in his desk, he dismissed the notification that Remus had finished and submitted the report from their mission the day before.

A mission had been scheduled for him today, and the details were in his inbox. A piece time travel technology had been accidently dropped by an archology student in the 1890s during a trip. It was an earlier model of emergency time travel given to time travels that would dump them back into the Registration Office in the year they originated. It wasn’t extremely dangerous, but could pose some problems, especially if someone who didn’t know what it was activated it.

It was a fairly low stakes mission. He wasn’t set to leave for another couple of hours, so he clicked through the rest of the important notifications and then set off to meet his missions coordinator, Rhi, in her office.

This, of course, made her relationship with Remus… interesting to say the least. Janus could never place whether they were nemesis, frenemies, or mortal enemies, and he doubted he would ever know.

“But-”

“It is nonnegotiable, Agent Clockson,” she said firmly. Remus pouted, but seemingly accepted his fate.

“May I come in?” Janus asked.

“Please do,” Rhi said. “You have been to the 1920s before, correct?” she asked Janus.

“Yes ma’am.”

She tapped the screen on her desk in response. “In the last two years?”

“About two months ago,” he responded. She tapped something else.

“Any blacks, reds, or yellows?” she asked.

“All green.”

“Great. Do you need a refresher course on basic cultural or linguistic procedures?”

“No.”

The document returned to her side of the desk automatically. “Okay,” she said swiping another document from her left over to be in front of her. She twisted her wrist to copy it and slide copies to Janus and Remus. “Here are exact details on the time, place, and event you are going to, as well as details about your cover.” Janus scrolled through his quickly. It wasn’t as detailed as some he’d had considering this was a brief in-and-out missing, but he still took care to memorize everything on the page.