I jumped into bed, and lay down next to her. Her hair smelled like coconut oil and she was warm in bed. I wrapped my arm around her, over the soft, silky pajamas covering her. I tried to tell whether or not she was asleep, as her chest slowly rose and fell.
She gave a little yawn, and shifted her body down, curling herself into the crook of my hips. As she moved, my arm caught on her chest, and I felt her nipple as it brushed past.
I still wasn't sure she was awake. I moved my arm back down, again flicking her nipple, a bit more firmly than before.
Her butt stuck out, pressing into me, and my arm instantly tightened around her. I pressed my face close behind her, against the smell of her hair and the sound of her quickening breath. I moved my arm so that my hand clutched her chest while my elbow was pressing her hip down into the mattress.
I pressed my palm against her nipple and kneaded my fingers into her chest gently. I heard her exhale suddenly, and figured I should say something.
"Hey."
"... hey," she responded.
That done, I pressed my body against hers and started to push and pull, easily guiding her hips and body. I love hearing her squeak when I pinch her breast in my hand and she arches her back to follow my fingers.
I push my other arm under her, grabbing her with both hands and pulling her tightly against me.
Now she's at the point where she's moving on her own. Even if I leave my arms still, her chest puffs out and her ass twitches in my lap. I decide that I've been making it too easy for her.
"Stop moving, babe."
"Unh... okay."
She stays still, and I gently nuzzle my face into her neck as if I was done.
When I start again, I'm more rough with her. My nails dig into her soft skin, and I relish her gasping as I pin her hips down with my arm and grind into her.
God, I love all the things she says. So much of that "Oh - fuck - babe - baby - yesssyesyesyes" that makes her sound so sweet and needy.
I want to make her feel good. I run my hand along her, just above her waist.
"Do you mind if I touch you?"
"No, baby. Please..."
I felt her soft clit under her clothes. I pressed a finger underneath it and started drawing lines up to the tip.
I made the strokes faster and faster. She lifted up one of her legs, and I pushed my arm into the inside of her thigh to spread her out further.
I started drawing little circles right underneath the tip, just how she likes. She's whimpering and shaking and so insanely sexy.
"Oh - babe - babe."
"I remember the first time you called me babe. I was touching you just like this. You really like it, huh?"
She moans and nods, but I really wanted to hear her voice struggling to be coherent.
"Tell me you like it."
I can feel a twitch run through her legs, and her clit suddenly gets harder, pressing back through the fabric against my fingers.
"Yes, baby, I like it s- uh- so much."
"Do you love me for making you feel this way?"
"Yes!! Yes, I love you, you're so good - babe - mmhmm!"
God. She twitched while I yawned and lay back on the pillow. She turned around to kiss me, and I felt a wet spot through her panties as she pressed against my leg.
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I could write a three hour video essay on tutu and gender but I really love how a show in a genre that’s primarily targeted towards girls explores how expectations of masculinity can traumatize young boys.
This is shown with Fakir especially. While the text never explicitly attributes his behavior to his gender, his arc over the course of the show is quintessentially informed by toxic gender roles. This got long and I have a lot of thoughts so I'm gonna put it under a readmore:
Fakir has one unchanging goal for the duration of the show: he wants to keep the people he loves safe. But outside elements twist this motivation into an identity. He is suffocating under the weight of a person he has never been and can never be no matter how hard he tries to mold himself.
Much of his personality is likely a direct result of circumstance. We are shown multiple times that when he feels in his element he’s inclined to a gentle disposition (ie how he acts with Duck as a duck or with Raetsel). As a young child especially he appears earnest and naive, his already innate desire to protect blinding him to the cruelty of the world. However, this sweeter side is near overwritten by the cold, domineering personality that characterizes his early appearances in the show.
We can infer that without the trauma inflicted on him by the story Fakir would have retained much more of this gentler personality as he grew up. Instead, his desire to protect others is twisted and warped by fear, becoming a desire to control.
Even before having his life upended, Fakir wanted to to take the weight of protecting the entire town all upon himself. He sees a true hero as someone who stands on his own without help.
So how does this tie into gender? Fakir deliberately crushes his "weaker" side--the earnest, sensitive young boy in the favor of a tough persona. He particularly views emotions as a weakness. It's notable that in one of the most iconic scenes in the show, Fakir has a breakdown over someone seeing him crying. This simple display of human emotion is enough to completely shatter the image he has constructed for himself. Fakir's harsh, impossible standards for himself are rooted in toxic masculinity, in the idea that men--real men--are never visibly sad or scared.
Immediately after losing everything as a child, Fakir was given a new source of hope and pride: the role of the Knight. He, of course, built his whole identity around this role. The Knight, like the Prince is expected to protect others without fear. This can be read as analogous to how men struggle under the expectation to be the protectors and the breadwinners, expected to take pain and hardship upon themselves so those under their care may live a comfortable life. However, the story's knight is doomed from the start: a failed protector. Fakir is growing up under literal impossible standards. He's meant to give everything and crumble under that weight without achieving anything.
It's worth noting that the Princesses' roles are meant to revolve seeking affection from men while the men's roles are colored by violence. Contrast the Knight and Princess Tutu who are both destined to accomplish nothing and be forgotten: while Tutu gracefully dissolves into a speck of light, the Knight is gruesomely torn apart. Here, masculinity becomes inextricably linked to violence in Drosselmeyer's world.
For as long as Fakir tries to be a knight worthy of the story he is confined by a toxic gender role. A protector relies on the idea of a weaker subset of person--the protected. Even without malicious intent, this strips agency. Fakir ignores Mytho's wishes all for the sake of "keeping him safe." Likewise Duck doesn't' want Fakir's protection. In several episodes she begs him to give up on fighting and search for peaceable solutions.
Even though neither Duck nor Mytho ask for Fakir to fight for them he feels personally responsible for their safety to the point his entire self esteem rests on his ability to protect them. Despite his guarded exterior, two of the three times he breaks down crying are because Duck got hurt --due to his own incompetence in his eyes.
Fakir can only grow as a person when he stops placing everything on his own shoulders. For all he clings to the sword his real strengths are found outside of battle. He only saves Duck by opening up to her in his first display of willing vulnerability.
By the end of the series he has entered a genuine partnership with Duck. Rather than a one-sided relationship where he sees himself as her protector, he writes her story and trusts her to guide herself through it. This is in direct opposition to the masculine ideals he clung so hard to. The knight and the prince --his role models--are both meant to be self-sufficient in the original fairytale. Instead, Fakir is able to be a vulnerable boy who gets scared and hurt--and doesn't need to hide it--but has friends he can rely on when times are tough.
Fakir's arc doesn't involve him becoming more feminine, necessarily, but it does show him breaking free of the standards placed on his shoulders by toxic masculinity. He was never meant to be a fighter; that was an unfair role he was forced into. At the end of the show Fakir was achieved his freedom. He isn't a knight. He isn't a protector. He isn't personally responsible for the lives of those he loves. He's just Fakir.
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Honestly yeah keep Shadowheart. I have friends who have known me for years but still call me "sailor" or "neptune" because of my tag.
Frfr, I couldn't call my buddy by his real name unless he explicitly told me to, I think i would die laughing even trying tbh
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