#it wasnt bittersweet because i miss it btw it was bittersweet because i was in a really bad situation and still

[caffeinatedopossum]

Remembering the best bittersweet times of my life with people who will probably never be in my life again. crying, screaming, clutching the bathroom sink until my knuckles turn white, etc

[motheatencrow]

actually. im not gonna be normal about cassette beasts

i ramble about what happens if i got transported to new wirral lmao

you know that one post that occasionally comes up on dashes: "you get transported to the last game you played. how screwed are you?"

if i was the protag of cassette beasts?

i would genuinely be puking and crying. like the first time transforming can actually make people sick too, it literally says in the game but theres more reason to it

because in cassette beasts, you collect beasts but not in a traditional way where you can send them out to fight for you. no

no you record them in cassettes and transform into them when you listen to the cassette. you dont get silly guys to send out. youre fighting for your literal life when you transform into the monsters in your cassettes

and then the cassettes can BREAK if you take too much damage while in monster form. and when they break YOU take the damage

holy moly i would be GENUINELY be so so sick and sobbing so much. i am a weak person

and like theoretically its on my shoulders to find the way out because some archangel entrusted me to do it-

I WOULD BE PUKING AND CRYING AFTER MY FIRST ARCHANGEL ENCOUNTER-

i dont even know if i would realistically have the willpower to

like i would probably DIE. you have to fight more archangels to even figure out the cryptic song she gives you, i think i would DIE !!!!!!

i would be crying in bed in the little home i was given and having the most upsetting episodes before i get up and go back at it because she put the responsibility on me

but if i wasnt the protag and i didnt die. i would 100% be one of the residents. and still be incredibly sad because i miss all my loved ones in my original world kasjdfsskjd

OH MY GOD HONESTLY I DONT THINK I WOULD SURVIVE. I GOTTA DEAL WITH THE SADNESS OF NOT SEEING MY LOVED ONES FOR WHO KNOWS HOW LONG AND I GOTTA DEAL WITH THIS WORLD AND ITS WEIRD ASS PHENOMENONS AND IT HURTS SO SO MUCH AND IT SUCKS

the people of new wirral are not finding a way out !!!!! they gotta find a new protag !!!!!!!!

and if they/i did find a way out????????????? if i made friends there now i gotta say bye to them!!!!! thats fucked up! i'd be fucked up! again! fucked up when i got transported to new wirral, gonna be fucked up again when i gotta leave it!!

(some of the dialogue for the partners saying goodbye if you have a romantic relationship with them also makes me sad btw)

(tragic/bittersweet relationships in general make me so so sad)

at least i'd get a free dog out of it (whose side plotline is also sad btw)

i think i ran out of thoughts for now

anyways cassette beasts' story has me UNnormal and i think its a great game and more people should play it

[dearmyblank]

dear justin,

   i have quite a lot to say honestly. im also pretty sure you will never read this, which is fine by me. i wish i could pour out all my feelings to you like i used to, but all that is gone. I threw the relationship away, and i regret it more than anything. You truly loved me and i reciprocated those feelings back. but at some point we just, stopped talking. I was busy with graduation and you were busy with school as well. part of me was afraid to text you for some reason. i guess i thought i was annoying you somehow. It started on valentine’s day. so many useless things i remember. To be honest, i was a complete wreck over thanksgiving break. last year that was the time we really got to know each other. remembering that made me go into a complete breakdown. crying and  shaking…. yknow the usual. the weird thing is that i mourned our “loss” so late. Right after we broke up, i was lying in bed crying. Not sobbing. The next day i woke up. Then the following week, i went to school. No one knew. I acted normal as i always did. Shit, my parents didnt even know i was dating in the first place. I was busy. Graduation and finals had me by the neck. I never broke down because i literally couldnt. Too many things were at stake. I had too many responsibilities that i could not just ignore. So, i got through it. Then, during the summer, i went to dc. it was fun i must admit. It was a good distraction from what was in the back of my mind. Then they passed by, June….July…August….September. September. September 30th. Our birthday. How great, my ex has the same birthday, i couldnt forget even if i wanted to. Feelings began to bubble, only a little. But i was able to hold them down, new have interests kept me occupied. October was fine. It was a fun month and honestly i feel absolutely wonderful around my friends. We’ve really connected this year. Then, the thanksgiving break comes up. I absolutely lost it for whatever reason. I remember last year’s break very clearly. That’s probably why. I’m okay now. But of course im writing this letter for a reason. I miss you immensely. I wish we could have met at least once. I was never able to hold you in my arms or kiss you or do any of the things i was dying to do because i loved with every part of my being. I’ve had a few faint dreams of you, one of them being yesterday. I dont know if they mean anything but i love you still. We confessed to each other on christmas, i will cry this christmas night to myself, where nobody will see. i wonder if you feel the same? i presume my emotional self is the only one still sad, still upset, still broken, still wet with tears down my face. im sure you’ve moved on. You had lots of friends. You even had a girl you liked im sure. while those thoughts absolutely destroy me, i am happy for you. I am happy that you were able to do something that i will probably never be able to do. you were my first love. I know i wasnt yours, so you were able to move on easily, right? if not, the  am also glad. Im glad im not the only one. i still have your number, it has collected dust over these long months. i probably never call or text you. Fear is my greatest. You understand of course, we were like twins weren’t we. We were the same age, same birthday, we had so many things in common, we were practically the same person. Maybe that’s why it didnt work out. I guess we were like magnets. 2019 is approaching. what are your plans? i dont have any yet. You know im still on twitter? i changed my @ of course. But if your memory is good you can find me easily, im not locked. emily and i are still mutuals. I wonder if she realizes im the same person? i dont know what happened to rylee, her account is silent so im not gonna bother dming her. I thought about asking emily, but that’s probably a dead end. Plus, i dont want to bother her with my old problems. Remember how you confessed to emily and got rejected? Rylee told me. Sorry, it was supposed to be a secret but not like that applies now. plus youre not even fucking reading this. Hello to the random person reading my life story. Dont feel bad, there’s millions with the same feelings as me right now. back to justin. im shaking i type this all out. Did you know my muscles tense up and shake uncontrollably when im nervous or excited? it’s quite the feeling. i often got like this when i was talking with you. Everytime my phone would buzz i would get so excited. i also apologize for all the times i fell asleep on you. Justin, you were such a bright light in my life. Please live your life. Live healthy and happy. I hope your mom is doing well. Your dad as well. and the cats. i dont really know what else to say. I dont want this letter to end either. it’s almost like a last chance. if you’ve been contemplating contacting me, do it. Even if you just came back to spit in my face and tell me how much i hurt you, i’d be happy. If you hate me, its okay, i still love you.i still love yakuza btw. also whenever i see akagi or anything related to mahjong i think of you. the thought of you is very bittersweet. Yet i still eat it over and over again. i go by jayden now. i also think im nonbinary now. i remember when i was thinking of changing my name from “ j ” to “jaden” you were so supportive. i didnt deserve you. oh well, it all in the past. if you dont want to contact me thats fine by me. but if you want to, please go ahead. Please find me. Im desperate, i know. but i miss you. “I love you,” that was the last thing we said to each other. you remember right?

                     With love, j.