#it would be really fascinating to see them all realize individually that hey these past few weeks hasn’t been healthy for me—

[zykamiliah]

Condolences about that one post 😬😬😬

Of course people are allowed to not want to "debate" but... It's so baffling to see people be so fucking wrong about the text and then go "I don't have to justify myself or base any of my opinions on the text, actually".

It's hard sharing a fandom with people who sincerely think Jiang Cheng is soo~ complex and loved Wei WuXian sooo~ much (kinda assuming that's what's going on here, among other things), and who think all the heroes needed to be humbled..... Humbled :"D Hwat.

Xie Lian's arc is about "You want me to change but I'm not gonna actually, I will keep my convictions and values", Wei WuXian's is also to keep his integrity and values in the face of overwhelming opposition, and they still manage to think they needed to be taught a lesson in humility? And how? Ah, yes, in Xie Lian's case for instance by having the whole game specifically rigged against him. Right. Sure.

(Really not sure where/how Shen Qingqiu is humbled by the narrative, he just works out his miscommunication with Binghe and that's it.)

Anyway, that's enough salt, just wanted to commiserate.

All of this, yes. In both cases, wei wuxian and xie lian i think it boils down to a conflict between the individual vs the society, of wanting to go a path that's not accepted by the majority and the consequences of doing that. as far as i know, it resonates with the contemporary chinese readers that are attempting to challenge the china's conservative values. it's fascinating the way mxtx writes it and weaves all these elements in the narrative.

anyway, that person wants to think about mxtx's works in that way, and who am i to stop them 🤷‍♂️ if someone doesn't want to open themselves to debate or even explain their point of view (beyond what they already said which is not exactly accurate. at all) that's on them.

as for sqq, i think his arc is about many things. putting the romance aside, he goes a long way to understand at the very end of the novel that this people, the characters of PIDW, are people with feelings and most important of all, agency. it's not that he thought about them as just characters, but that he view them in a sort of paternalistic focus, specially when it comes to luo binghe and his other disciples. he sees them as children to be taught and be protected. in dismissing their feelings he dismisses his own in the world-- because his self-esteem is as such that he never thought he'd hurt lbh and cqm sect with his death, for example.

sqq realizes that he could have just talked to lbh and explained that he had to go to the abyss. he realizes that lbh and cqm care for him, that they don't want him to go ahead and sacrifice himself again. sqq realizes, in short, that his actions has consequences, that he's had a veritable impact in everyone around him.

back to the topic of agency, he's confronted with this by the actions of the "villains", tianlang-jun and zhuzhi-lang. the former wanted to upend the world as everyone knew it without care of what would happen; the latter schemed to "protect" sqq because he thought that would be the best for sqq. not once did zzl asked sqq what he really wanted, and sqq did the same with lbh throughout the whole novel.

another more subtle arc sqq undergoes is realizing "hey, i don't actually want to idle my days away doing nothing", which is how he presents himself, or his past life more specifically, at the beginning of the novel. as usual, he had been deceiving himself.

he also has an arc a Reader of the novel, as he rediscovers the story and the characters he thought he knew so well.

thank you for sending this message!! :DDDD

[residentdormouse]

Writing Questions Tag Game:

I was tagged by: @mrsmungus (thank you - you are the absolute best!)

No Pressure Tagging: @asirensrage , @blairsanne , @verba-writing , @scienceoftheidiot , @darsynia and please OPEN TAG - '@' me if you'd like to answer. I'd love to know!!

What is your absolute all-time favorite idea you’ve ever had?

I’m honestly not sure, is that horrible? That’s probably bad… I guess I like how the ending of 'Diving' came out, although I have no outside confirmation if it worked or not. All the groups coming together, lining up the dominos individually to finally knock them down together. That said, I do know I have an all-time least favorite idea that the characters told me happened and I had no say in. I’m still pretty bitter about it. Spoilers: (Diving - chapter 31 & Diving - chapter 34)

Is there a question you’ve been asked in the past that really stands out to you and you still think about sometimes?

I don’t think there's a particular one I’ve been hung up on, but I do keep track of all questions asked through Tumblr, and go back to visit them just as much as I do the stories themselves. I have them all listed as links on the ‘Jumping to Wonderland’ main page. Introductions, character insights, things that never really made it into the story, but certainly helped with character development. (sorry that kind of turned into a plug instead of an answer…)

What is your favorite part of being a writer? What parts could you take or leave?

My favorite part is when a puzzle piece is revealed out of nowhere. You’re just minding your own business, vibing, doing your own thing and *bam*, brain is like ‘Hey, did you know about this…’. Then you just sit there in fascination for a week, replaying and zooming in to see the fine details. So much better than focusing on mundane daily life business.

I could do without the imposter syndrome and the sheer volume of anxiety that comes with being seen though; that can go fuck off somewhere.

What is your greatest motivation to write/create?

Escapism, let’s be real. Plus, I really miss being creative. I went to college for theater, and really have no opportunity to put it to good use where I am in life right now. So writing a story, I get to do all the things I loved when directing. Character development, scene/lighting/sound design, building a setting and shoving my characters in it. Blocking out the scene, and figuring out the beats. I miss directing…

What do you wish you knew when you were first starting out writing?

I took classes in college, but never really wrote anything of substance. Only started doing fanfiction here last year when I couldn’t find any Glen love on AO3. Didn’t realize I was going to like it so much, and I ended up creating a new story for these characters that I love to get shoved into. New people for them to interact with. Now that it's wrapped, I’m left to figure out my own damn story. We’ll see how that goes I guess?

What is your favorite story you’ve written TO COMPLETION? Link it if you’d like and can!

I have two full length chapter fics in my 'Jumping to Wonderland' series:

Something like a Spiral / Just Keep Diving Down

It's hard to separate them in my head because one picks up right after the other. Spiral started it all, but Diving has more of my concepts as opposed to slightly altering an existing story. So I guess Diving for that reason?

What is your favorite out-of-the-box quote?

"You can't let what will be, bog you down from enjoying what is."

Not amazing, but it hit me at a time that I needed to hear it myself, so that was helpful.

Which of your characters would you say has the most controversial mindset? Why do you say so and how do you personally feel about their ideals?

My characters or characters I write? Because fanfiction and all - there’s quite a few problematic people I’m working with. Harold has his many issues, so does Lloyd, and Flagg… well. We need some very exhaustive therapy up in this joint. As for my people, Max has many things she needs to work on… (probably why she gets on with Harold and Lloyd so well, they are all disasters, truly). Rayna is, uh, she is rigid and unwilling to see anything beyond her own beliefs. I mean, my characters all have flaws, all good characters do because people have flaws. Nobody's perfect.

If you, when you first started writing, met you now, what would younger you think?

As I mentioned above, I only started writing here like a year and a half ago? I’m pretty sure younger me would be surprised I’m still hyperfixed on the same story. Usually my fix’s last a year. These characters do not want to leave my head, and honestly, I really don’t want them too… Love these guys.

[cblgblog]

Imagine Mildolyn, "Illicit Affair", Modern AU. Where Gwen's campaigning for Congress and all the meet and greets, showing up for charities for publicity, her 'cause'. At one for special needs children and their foundation she meets a very young CNA named Mildred and sort of falls head over heels in the dumbest of ways, both just love struck. Except she's campaigning to be in Congress, she's a politician, she cannot be queer and chasing after 19 year old ex-foster kids whos brothers are set to be the youngest executed on Death Row in California in decades for appalling crimes. But there she is, in hotel rooms her supporters pay for, with someone she shouldn't be with, trying to find ways to overturn cases that turned stomachs with their brutality, because a pretty girl smiled at her and called her 'ma'am' while showing her around the foundation/care home she worked at with children no one else had the time/patience to care for. Of course it goes terribly with 'dirty little secret' vibes, the breast cancer diagnosis announced on twitter before she tells Mildred in person, even if it's such a minor case ('so they say') and caught so early that it'll barely leave a scar, radiation won't be much of a deal at all. She doesn't get to tell Mildred that, she just gets to hear on Fox news about how the democrat's gonna die a horrible death and panic.

Mildred who has no patience for politicians and their fake concern, using patients as photo ops. It’s manipulative, it’s distracting to the staff, it’s awful, okay, she hates it. She is, in fact, a tad bit rude to Gwen when they meet. Gets her a death glare from Betsy Bucket, gets Gwen intrigued.

“Republican?” only half-joking.

“No.”

“Is it the suit? Should I have worn a different suit? I wanted to, but I’ve been told this one tested better.”

“The suit is fine.” It’s more than that, actually, but Mildred will not be saying that aloud, nope, uh-uh. “I don’t much care for politicians.”

“Ah, we have that in common then.”

“I doubt we have much of anything in common. Ma’am.”

And look, Gwen doesn’t usually go in for the chasing, the hard to get. She’s got enough trouble chasing votes. But this woman is so good with the kids on her ward, so patient. She’s got Disney scrubs on and as much as she’s got no time at all for Gwen, she seems to have infinite amounts for those kids. She stays with them individually, longer than any of the other staff Gwen sees, but she still manages to get a dozen things done in half as many minutes. And she’s also gorgeous, there’s that.

And Gwen has no good reason to ask her out for lunch. Honestly, none. Nothing good can come from this. Mildred asks if the citizens of California will be paying for this meal and Gwen swears that isn’t the case, no, absolutely not. Even still, Gwen doesn’t expect Mildred to say yes. She doesn’t think Mildred expected Mildred to say yes.

But she does. Tells herself it’s for Edmund, maybe this’ll be the one politician who listens, who’s willing to look past the surface facts, willing to help. Except she gets there and they don’t talk about Edmund. It’s not because Mildred doesn’t know how to bring it up, she’s made her case dozens of times. She just…they don’t talk about him, and that feels like a betrayal, but Gwen’s kind and funny and fascinating (much to Mildred’s annoyance), and she just…doesn’t feel like getting into it.

Meanwhile Trevor, Gwen’s campaign manager/law school buddy/best friend/lavender marriage soulmate, if they were in a different time, is like bitch, what’re you doing? Yes, everyone knows you’re gay as hell, but you can’t be chasing girls right now, you can’t afford to be distracted. You especially can’t afford to look distracted. And you can’t be robbing the cradle while looking distracted.

“She’s not that young.”

“Uh-huh. She wears Winnie the Pooh clothes.”

“Scrubs, those are scrubs. Scrubs aren’t clothes.”

“Uh-huh.”

“She works in a children’s ward, Trevor.”

“Uh-huh. I really wish you wouldn’t do this, but since you care nothing about me and my mental state and all the hours and hours of hard work I’ve put in for you—”

“After badgering me into hiring you over someone more qualified.”

“Hey! More qualified. I resent that. Anyway, if you insist on ruining my day, at least wear that face cream I gave you. Should make you look less like you’re robbing the cradle.”

“Go to hell.”

“And don’t do the oyster thing. Not on a first date, in the middle of the campaign.”

“It’s not a date, it’s just lunch.”

“Uh-huh.”

Gwen doesn’t do the oyster thing. Not on the first date, which neither of them acknowledge as a date, for entirely different reasons. But then there’s a second and a third, and sex, lots of sex, and it’s harder to pass off as just friendly.

And yeah, the sneaking around that Gwen hates. That Mildred says she doesn’t mind, and she actually doesn’t seem to all that much, which Gwen finds slightly concerning. Mildred’s good with secrets though, she’s good with being kept a secret. Mostly. Which again, Gwen finds concerning.

There’s pillow talk and Mildred admitting more about herself than she has to anyone, ever. Which still isn’t nearly as much as what Gwen admits, but it’s a relative thing. And still, Mildred doesn’t talk about Edmund. Gwen finds that one out on her own, stumbles across some old photos, a scrapbook of Edmund’s crimes. Gwen’s briefly concerned that Mildred is one of those people who’re deeply attracted to serial killers, but the truth is…something else.

Mildred tells her things. Some of the deeper, darker stuff, but not much, not yet. Tells her how she’s written to everyone she can think of because he’s a boy, okay? He was in an impossible situation, they both were, no one ever helped them, so Edmund decided he had to die. No one helped them before, no one helps them now. There’s anger and tears and Gwen holding her and she can’t help asking why Mildred didn’t talk to her sooner, if she’s had no problem asking for help from strangers.

“Because you aren’t,” Mildred says in a way that makes it clear she’s figuring this stuff out as she says it. “A stranger, you aren’t. You never were and I couldn’t…I didn’t want to become one to you. I didn’t want you to look at me like that.”

“Oh Mildred…”

Mildred doesn’t actually ask her to help. She doesn’t want Gwen to think that’s what it’s all been about. It was supposed to be, but it isn’t. She doesn’t ask. Gwen digs into things herself, digs into this kid who was barely double-digits when he did these things. Made all the headlines at the time, but that was over a decade ago, he’s been locked up ever since. Most of Mildred’s money goes to him, one way or another.

Gwen hides it from Trevor—the murderer, not the sex, he knew about the sex before she ever said anything—for as log as she can. But he’s always been nosy, and now he has a paid excuse to be nosy, and he nearly has an aneurysm when he hears why it is that Gwen’s suddenly digging into this case instead of kissing the babies of gay couples, like she should be.

Gwen cannot do this. Nope, absolute no. She cannot be sneaking around with the younger sister of the kid they’ve made all the documentaries about. Doesn’t matter that she’s running on a platform of prison reform, especially as it pertains to juveniles, this is not the case to start with, especially when she hasn’t won yet.

And Gwen knows. She knows. She argues with Trevor about it until he decides they both need to stop because Gwen has a speaking engagement tomorrow and she can’t sound hoarse. There are many further arguments, arguments about principles over politics, but Gwen knows he’s right. She cannot, should not, be doing any of this, at least not yet. It’s dangerous, it’s selfish, Mildred deserves better than being someone’s secret again. Gwen should break it off, at least until the election. She’s not being fair to either of them like this. They should stop, at least for a few months.

Except it’s Mildred and she’s totally hijacked Gwen’s everything, and the thought of stopping makes her ill, and everything about this is terrifying, the most terrifying thing ever.

And then there’s the checkup and the routine mammogram. Gwen started those earlier than most because somebody’s aunt on somebody’s side of the family got sick, somebody’s cousin on the other side did too.

Scratch that, there’s a new winner for most terrifying thing ever.

It’s good, they say. She started early, they caught it early, this is good, they have treatments for this. Good, they say, while Gwen damn near passes out. She’s got a campaign to finish, she can see the Too Sick to Serve headlines already. A bald look would not test well, she’s sure it wouldn’t. She talks to Trevor about that, about the campaign, until he tells her to shut the fuck up, yanks her into a crushing hug. He cries, damn him, and that makes her cry.

She’s glad he’s there.

She wishes Mildred was.

She is also relieved as hell that Mildred isn’t, that they’re on opposite sides of the state right now. No point having Mildred see her like this, having her worry. She’s got enough to worry about, enough to hurt about.

Not that Gwen isn’t planning to tell her. She is. It’s only been a few whirlwind months, but Gwen knows enough to realize that a lie of omission would be a bad, bad, bad idea where Mildred’s concerned, regardless of intention. Gwen doesn’t think of hiding it anyway, not really. Mildred deserves better then that. When and how to tell the public…that’s a completely different clusterfuck of a situation, but Mildred, Gwen just wants to tell her in person. That way Mildred can see her face when she promises it’s no big deal (hopefully without seeing how terrified she actually is), and Gwen will have all the paperwork and things she knows Mildred will want to see, and they can hold each other, and it’s just, it’s not phone call news.

Except then it’s headline news, because somehow it’s leaked. Fox News is having a field day, certain corners of the Internet are already gleefully writing her obituary, and she’s missed literally hundreds of calls by the time she gets a look at her phone. At least half of those are from Mildred. Mildred who actually sounds hysterical for the first time since Gwen’s known her, that bastard on the news with the hair, he says you’re dying, why aren’t you answering, how long have you known, please, please pick up the phone, just pick up the phone god dammit.

She’s managed to keep Mildred a secret for months. This? This doesn’t last three days before it’s everywhere. Gwen does get an I love you for the first time ever, but seeing as Mildred’s sobbing over her voicemail when it happens, the joy is somewhat muted.

[entishramblings]

The Rings and Jewels Upon Your Ears - Sensitive Elf Ears [Legolas X Reader]

A.N: hey guys! here is another one shot about our favorite blue eyed elf that I wrote while procrastinating my fanfic because writers block!!! So enjoy this short fic about sensitive elf ears bc I am, and always will be, a slut for elf ear fics oop. Also if you do not have earrings I’m so sorry this was just an idea!

Request: none

Pairing: Legolas X Reader

Summary: Girl falls into middle earth and the elves of Mirkwood are confused about her earrings; most find it distasteful, but Legolas is fascinated!

Word Count: 2,246

Warnings: heated kissing (nothing further)

*all elvish was looked up online from numerous sources so please dont hate if it is not entirely correct*

(gif not mine)

MASTERLIST

(Y/N)‘s stomach dropped and queasiness overtook her as she plummeted through the cold air. She tried to grasp onto something—anything—to stop her from plunging to her death. But no matter how much she reached outward, the only thing she held in her hands was dewy water and moisture—for the only thing to grasp was dark gloomy clouds. (Y/N)’s limps felt limp as freezing rain collected on her skin, soaking her to the bone; Her wet hair whipped around her face like an over-sized mop in a miniature tornado, inviting the thick strands to get stuck in her mouth. Her whole body was numb from the cutting cold as she spun downward. To make matter worse, she was 89% sure she had lost a shoe as her one foot felt significantly colder.

(Y/N) didn’t think the circumstance could possibly get more terrifying as her heart was already struck with paralyzing fear; but alas, it was just her luck. A brilliant bolt of light shuttered from the sky, zapping through the air right next to her. She was sure she could feel the electricity rushing through her blood as the thin hairs on her arm stood up.

This was it. This was how she would go out.

Suddenly, pain erupted up her spine. She felt her nerves become overloaded with intense agony that extended through her body. She squeezed her eyes shut.

It was over. She had hit the ground. She had met her end.

But when (Y/N) opened her eyes, she saw grey stone high above her.

She groaned loudly as she pulled her body into sitting position. Her back ached slightly but the pain was not anywhere near as severe as her shock. How was she not dead....or was this death? Her curious eyes wandered in examination of her surroundings. She was in a large dark corridor that had big archways and extravagantly carved doors scattered amongst the sides in an orderly pattern. The air felt eerie and sinister as she stumbled over the abandoned, smooth, stone floor. Anxiety crept into her soul.

So this what was the invitation of death felt like.

Alone, soaking wet, missing a shoe, and shrouded with fear.

How lovely.

(Y/N) was pulled from her thoughts as chaos surrounded her and grabbed her upper arms. This chaos was tall, long haired, strikingly gorgeous, and many in number. These strange people encircled her and bound her wrists while hollering words in a language she didn’t understand.

Her head spun, what was going on? was this the afterlife? if so, it was quite weird.....

She was in a daze as they dragged her through hallway after hallway; taking so many twists and turns she would never be able to find her way back—not that going to that spot again would help anything. Where ever she was, there was no escape.

(Y/N) was brought forth in front of a long blonde haired man highly decorated in silk and jewels. He sat upon a winding wooden throne and an elaborate crown made of branches and berries rested upon his head. In one word, any individual would describe him as: regal.

The peculiar people pushed her to her knees as he spoke. Words flowed from his mouth with a smooth, deep, and intimidating tone; but those words meant nothing to her as they were completely foreign to her brain.

Silence feel between them as they looked upon her, waiting. Waiting for what?!

He spoke again, anger and irritation tumbling from his lips.

Suddenly her head was grasped by warm hands and roughly tilted upwards and to the side. Her eyes met those of another that were strikingly blue. She gasped, from the shock and the slight pain that radiated through her neck. Another hand that did not belong to the man above her pulled her locks from her face. They all looked at her ear intently. Weird kink?

The one who freed her ear from the sopping mess she called hair spoke, “Est a- an elleth, ach nad othren est lheweg (she is a female elf, but something strange is upon her ear).”

Whatever he said, it was the cause of her head being viciously tilted once again.

The King hollered at her a second time, his displeasure and irritability obvious.

(Y/N) attempted to pull from the blue eyed man’s grasp but failed exceptionally, for his grip was taught.

More harsh words were thrown at her and the hold upon her squeezed tighter—initiating pain.

A slight whimper escaped her lips. The blue eyes above her seemed regretful and their owner drew his eyebrows together in concern and confusion.

(Y/N) looked up at him, her gaze meeting his.

“Please...” she whispered ever so quietly; she wasn’t even sure he could have heard her.

Instantaneously, his hands fell from their hold and the blue pooled with intrigued perplexity.

He spoke, his voice was powerful and commanding. “She speaks the common tongue.”

She felt the eyes of those around her pouring into her soul with confusion and the yearn for answers.

“What is the point of and elf who doesn’t understand Sindarian?” The regal figure spoke.

(Y/N)’s eyes widened in bewilderment. “An elf?”

The King rolled his eyes, “Yes that is what you are, is it not? The tips of ears do not lie. Now speak quickly who sent you and how did you gain entrance?”

She looked about her dumbfounded as her gaze searched all the individuals ears—all pointy. Elves? When it dawned on her that she hadn’t answered the question, she spoke, “Sent me? I don’t even know where I am!”

Silence fell between every individual in the room and the tension lingered; she felt the agitation seeped into her skin as a shiver rippled through her body.

The King tilted his head slightly as he examined her. Only then did she realize just how unusual they really were. Their clothing was bizarre—old fashioned—and they were loaded with weapons; but no guns were in sight, they held bows in their callused hands and knives were strapped upon them. If she didn’t know any better, she would’ve thought she fell into the past. But that would be impossible. However, one thing was certain: she couldn’t be dead.

“What did you do to your ear?” The King questioned.

She frowned, suddenly remembering her immediate reality, “You—you mean my earrings?”

“Yes, the rings and jewels upon your ears.”

(Y/N) was taken aback. What a strange question. She had a large amount of earrings; at least 8 or 9 on each side, placed differently on each ear. Did he not know of piercings? How big was the rock that these people lived under?

She chose her words carefully, by the way he spoke she figured he would not understand her normal slang. “They are for decoration—for beauty.”

He spoke again but his tone laced with disgust, “Why would you desecrate yourself in such a way?”

(Y/N) was filled with confusion. This was a normal custom where she was from. Quite rude for him to insult her in such a way.

When she offered no response the King turned to the man....or elf shall she say....that had held her taught. “Legolas, lock her in the dungeons.”

(Y/N) felt a lump in her throat. Dungeons....that could never be good.

The blonde elf pulled her up gently and led her away with other guards pursuing them closely. More winding halls and steep stairs became her only sight as she was ushered along.

......

The metal bars slammed in her face as she felt numb misery confine her soul. Was this to be her life now?

As the elves filtered out, one stayed behind. Legolas, she recalled his name. He was quite tall, but alas, they all were tall to (Y/N) for she had always been considered small. His face was proportional and structured as the shadows from the torches danced upon his form. His jaw line was sharp and defined while he stood before her with confidence. He definitely had a position of authority, she thought. Furthermore, His dark eyebrows were a contrast to his sleek blonde hair that was held back by three simple braids; but it did not look unfitting, rather it was quite suitable. His light pink lips were pulled into a line as his blue orbs gazed upon her. She could see him pondering the circumstances.

He spoke lightly, no animosity upon his tone. “You are not from here, are you?”

(Y/N) nodded. Her world felt so far away and the hopes of returning faded into the shadows as despair stretched across the corners of her mind.

......

Many months had past of (Y/N) living in a cell. Within this time, she had become quite friendly with Legolas—who she had found out was the son of the King. However, the blue eyed elf was nothing like his father. For starters, on the first night she arrived he brought her fresh clothing and a towel to dry her soaked self. Legolas was kind and patient. When she threw the fabrics back at him—screaming and hollering to be released—he did not lash out; she had a suspicion any other would. Looking back, (Y/N) realized that he must have suspected her entire world was turned upside down. I mean how often do you find out you had a species change and were transported to a different sphere of reality?

The Elven Prince came to visit her often and they would have long conversations. She told him of where she came from and he taught her of the new world she now lived in. He tutored her in the language of the elves—Sindarin—and spoke of their ways. They were creatures of intense, impressive, and impeccable skill who lived immortal lives. She could feel her senses heightening and improving as the day’s went on and her muscles began to strengthen. It took long for (Y/N) to wrap her head around her new reality; and how she became of it, she knew not.

It was evening when Legolas came to visit her once again. She smirked at him from behind the bars, “What do you have to bring me this time?”

A soft smile tugged at the corner of his lip. He held up a large, dark green book and slipped it through the metal shafts. “The history of Middle Earth. Teach yourself wisely.”

She grinned, “Thank you, Legolas.”

He turned to leave for he had other duties that his father insisted upon, but he hesitated. Legolas rotated his body to look at (Y/N) once more. His gaze lingered upon her exposed ears as her hair was tied back in a tight braid.

He spoke softly, “Did it hurt?”

Her brows knitted together, “Did what hurt?”

“Your ears—the jewelry.”

She shook her head, “No not really? Why do you ask?”

He took a couple steps towards her and a slight chuckled escaped his mouth, “An elf’s ears are very....sensitive.”

She tilted her head, “What do you mean?”

He drew his bottom lip between his teeth for a moment as he eliminated the space between himself and the bars.

“May I?”

(Y/N) took a step closer, so she too was against the thick metal rods. She could feel his hot breath upon her face as he looked down at her; She was sure he could hear her heart pounding for elves could pick up any sound—she could hear his. Legolas raised a hand through the bars and gently cupped one side of her face. He lightly touched the tip of her ear and trailed his finger down. (Y/N) gasped as the sensation shuttered throughout her entire being. She could see his blue eyes shift to her lips before locking back with her eyes once again. (Y/N) lifted her hand through the bars, her expression begging to commit the same action.

“(Y/N), you know not what you will do to me.”

She bit her bottom lip and looked up at him. She did not heed his warning one bit; she grazed her finger along the edge of his ear.

Without warning both his hands flew through the bars; one wrapping around her waist and the other clutching her face. He forcefully yanked her body into his and smashed his lips against hers, both their faces pressing against the cold metal. The taste of mint and honey melded in her mouth as their lips moved in a gently rhythm, dancing against each other. (Y/N) snaked her arms up his chest, feeling the firm muscles underneath his tunic, until she wrapped them around his neck—tangling her hands in his soft hair. She felt a heat rise from her stomach to her chest as she hungrily moved her mouth with his. When Legolas’s teeth tugged on her bottom lip, nearly all her thoughts silenced and her desire for him grew. She opened her mouth to allow his tongue entrance; they battled for dominance.

Suddenly, the warmth was torn from her. Legolas pulled his head back and turned his face from her, but his hands would not move from their grasp. (Y/N)’s swollen lips parted as doubt flooded her, had she done something wrong?

His voice was one of a growl, “Look what you do to me.” His breathing was heavy and his chest was rising and falling. He turned his attention back to her, “You allow me to divulge in my impulses.”

(Y/N) smirked, “Is that such a bad thing?”

Legolas leaned his forehead against hers and he gave her a lopsided grin, “Never.”

[mostlycompetentwriter]

My Pace (Drabble)

F/M Pairing: Y/N x Hwang Hyujin (SKZ)

Warnings: Smut and Language

Genre: Street Racer AU

Word Count: 2.5K

Summary: Initially, Y/N only came to the race track because she wanted to keep a close eye on her mischievous little brother, Seungmin. She certainly didn’t expect to catch the attention of one of the racers who seems determined to impress her.

I loved the rare mornings when the sky was nothing but an endless blue paradise, undisturbed in its picturesque setting. During the Summer, that often precluded long, miserable hot days, but in the Fall, the weather was much more tolerable. It also marked the start of my town’s local racing league, which basically meant that a bunch of high-school and college-aged teens showed up at the abandoned track downtown to race their sports cars.

They could race for hours, swerving dangerously around the curves and accelerating close enough to touch bumpers with the car in front of them. The smell of gasoline and burnt rubber was pervasive, and all the other girls seemed to go crazy. They would scream and cheer for the cars as they zoomed past the stands as if the drivers insider could possibly see their individual faces.

In all honesty, it actually wasn’t so bad, especially when they opened the concession stand booth because I could occupy my time with candy snacks and popcorn. But the only reason I even came to the track was because of my younger brother, Seungmin. If he wanted to sneak out of the house undetected by my parents to race, then I felt the need to follow him and ensure that he kept out of trouble. In such a dangerous and high-risk sport, I only wanted the best for my little brother.

I also knew that it would be impossible to dissuade his passion for racing, so it was best to simply linger around the edges of the track and watch him. Because, for the most part, the other competitors never tried to do anything too outlandish. They obeyed the rules since they couldn’t risk getting kicked out, and some of the older students even invited everyone to bonfire parties after the events. 

But I never went to those parties. I was only at the track to watch over Seungmin, and I trusted him enough to spend the night with Jeongin if he drank too much. You see, Seungmin enjoyed the social aspect of the races just as much as the actual competition, and he had tried to introduce me to his friends. They seemed nice enough, even if I only ever saw them after races with sweat perspiring on their skin, but I wasn’t looking for long-term friendships at the track. Because, at the end of the day, I didn’t share Seungmin’s passion for racing or the sleek model cars with impossibly loud engines.

Of course, that didn’t mean that Seungmin’s friends weren’t also disinterested in my company. Especially Hwang Hyunjin, the tall and lanky 16-year-old who embodied the phrase: “rebel without a cause.” Hyunjin always smoked cheap cigarettes while he waited for his partner-in-crime, Han Jisung, to make repairs under the hood of his Mustang. Apparently, the car was more trouble than it was worth, but Hyunjin had nothing else to race, so he was forced to worry over the engine on a regular basis.

He was very attractive, especially his figure, and I had caught myself staring a time or two when he crawled out from his car after a race. And Hyunjin also had long, blonde-colored hair that he pulled back away from his handsome face, exposing the expanse of his forehead and the proud cheekbones that stood out prominently. He always wore black jeans that were too big for him, and some corny t-shirt that hung limply from his shoulders. He was an irresponsible teen who didn’t seem to care that much for his safety, and he always made an effort to talk to me at the racing events, even though I had tried to make it clear that I wasn’t interested in his conversation.

For example, after one such event, Hyunjin arrogantly posed with his recently won trophy after securing first place yet again, wiping his greasy shirt sleeves against the plaque on the front. He easily found me in the stands, dropping the trophy onto the bleachers next to me before offering his best smile. “Did you see me, Y/N?” Hyunjin asked. “I was six seconds ahead of your brother.”’

“Hmmm?” I replied, entirely disinterested as I scanned through the contents of my phone screen.

“Y/N,” Hyunjin tried again, and he boldly reached out to lower my phone screen and force my attention. “I’m having a party at my place tonight. You’ll come, right?”

I smirked. “I don’t go to those parties, Hyunjin.”

“You don’t?” Hyunjin hesitated, and a decidedly chastened look affected the usual arrogance of the smile that he was clearly forcing. 

I guess that was enough to make me feel a little bad when I thought about Hyunjin’s poor attempts at flirting. “I can maybe come over for an hour.”

Hyunjin immediately brightened, shoulders rising as he cleared his throat and fetched a cigarette from his grease-stained pocket. He held the unlit stick between his teeth. “I’ll see you there.”

It only took me exactly fifteen minutes to hate the party at Hyunjin’s house.

His parents must never come home very much because Hyunjin didn’t seem to care that his friends were trashing everything, littering the floors with discarded bottles of beer and food wrappers. It was a complete mess, and the music was too loud, thunderous with some kind of generic bass that had me retreating outside to find some fresh air. However, I was surprised to find Hyunjin outside as well, smoking as he looked out into the darkness. “Oh,” I said, drawing his attention. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“You’re not,” Hyunjin said with a raspy tone, beckoning me closer with a delicate crook of his fingers. “I needed a break too.”

“It’s your party,” I reminded him, and Hyunjin laughed, running his fingers through his messy hair.

“Yeah,” Hyunjin agreed. “But sometimes it can get crazy with the older kids.”

“I guess you don’t mind that they’re trashing your place?”

“I’ve got people who can clean that for me,” Hyunjin said, but it wasn’t boastful. In fact, there was a hint of resentment in his tone that he quickly banished with a shake of his head. “Hey, you want to see something?” 

I nodded because I had nothing better to do, following him to the back of the house where he messed with a combination panel on the side of the building to reveal the inside of an impressive garage. “Holy shit,” I cursed, surveying the dozens of collector cars decorating the inside. 

“They’re my dads,” Hyunjin said, tossing aside his cigarette before leading me to the first car. “He won’t let me drive them.”

“What’s the point, then?” I asked around a laugh. “I might not know much about cars or racing, but these seem pretty impressive.

“Which one do you like the most?” Hyunjin asked, and I pointed to the cherry-red Corvette. “You have good taste.”

He reached for my hand, and I shivered at the contact, allowing him to pull me closer to the gorgeous model. “He takes good care of them,” I remarked, and I was too afraid to touch the glistening paint.

“You want a closer look?” Hyunjin asked, reaching for the door handle of the passenger side without really waiting for my response.

“Okay,” I said, waiting for Hyunjin to recline the seat before carefully leading me into the back. I laughed at the absurdity of the situation before I lowered my head to accommodate the car’s smaller height, and I made sure to close the door behind us...just in case.

In the meantime, Hyunjin and I crowded together in the backseat, brushing shoulders while he giggled and reached for my hand between us. “This is kinda sexy, right?” he asked, and I scoffed at his claim.

“What do you mean?” I asked, wholly unprepared for the way he moved in closer, making the space between us even smaller.

“You know I like you, Y/N,” Hyunjin said, and I could feel his breath fanning across my face. “I didn’t think I was exactly subtle.”

“No,” I agreed, studying his eyes and the fascinating way they seemed to reflect the light from the garage. “But you know I only show up for my brother.”

Hyunjin sighed, closing his eyes for a moment before coming to a realization. “That doesn’t mean you can’t like it.”

His lips hovered against mine, almost teasingly, like he was testing his limits. “Hyunjin...”

He silenced me with a gentle kiss, and Hyunjin tasted like cigarettes and alcohol, but I ignored the combination as I allowed him to lick inside my mouth. It was actually really good, and he knew exactly what he was doing, pulling back only to reclaim my lips again before I could question whether or not this was a good idea. “Y/N,” he eventually whispered, looking at me with lust-filled eyes. “Please.”

I traced the swollen purse of my bottom lip before nodding, allowing him to pull me into his lap as our kisses grew feverish. It felt like there were fireworks going off all around us, electrifying the air and blinding my senses. But I was enraptured with the feeling of Hyunjin’s touches, and I started to trail my hands underneath his shirt, surprised when my fingers ran across the hard lines of his abdomen.

Oh, so there was muscle underneath those baggy clothes. 

“Turn around,” he whispered, and he helped me carefully maneuver myself in our limited space. It was difficult, but Hyunjin pulled me against his chest, adjusting our positions so that his hand could crawl its way under the waistband of my shorts. 

I whimpered when I felt his fingers tease the edge of my panties, and his other hand directed my chin to the side so that he could distract me with another kiss. It was a distraction that proved worthwhile, and I became lost in the hypnotic feel of his lips while his fingers started to part the folds of my labia, prodding at the entrance of my wet pussy.

I gasped into our kiss, stroking his tongue with messy movements while he started to thumb across my clitoris, providing the perfect stimulation in addition to the slow penetration of his fingers. “So beautiful,” he remarked, looking at me with hooded eyes, and I could see the way the muscle in his arm started to flex as he scissored his fingers against the sensitive walls of my pussy.

“Hyunjin,” I tried again, trying to fight the heavy fog weighing down on my shoulders as I relaxed further into his touches, allowing him to support me against his chest while his sinful fingers continued their work on pleasuring me. The squelching sounds becoming loud and downright vulgar in the narrow space of the car’s backseat.

“What a dirty girl, Y/N,” Hyunjin remarked, and he was suddenly moving faster, sliding his fingers through my juices while flicking his thumb across my throbbing clitoris. He handled me with such skill, and I was turned on beyond belief as I fell apart on his fingers, chasing his lips for more kisses as my hips started kicking in time to his rapid thrusts.

I swallowed around a moan when the heat became unbearable, and my legs started to shake, fighting to close against the intrusion of his fingers. I could feel myself teetering on the precipice, closing my eyes to savor the pleasurable ache building in my lower abdomen, muscles clenching tightly as I exhaled around the sudden and explosive release. I cried loudly as a result, chasing the fiery waves of my orgasm while Hyunjin removed his hand, bringing his fingers to his lips to lick over the evidence of my arousal.

I shivered at the sight before I reached behind me, squeezing his cock through the loose material of his pants. Meanwhile, Hyunjin removed his fingers from his mouth, turning his gaze to my hand as it gave his cock some much-needed attention. Eventually, I grew frustrated with the barrier of his pants, turning around in the narrow space to support myself on my knees as I helped him tug down his jeans and boxers. Immediately, his cock sprung free from the restrictive material, standing proudly against his stomach. 

And I was practically salivating, tracing one finger against the head of his cock and watching as he jerked in response. “Y/N,” Hyunjin whined, and I allowed my hand to enclose itself around his erection, squeezing at the base because it seemed to drive him insane. And I tugged at him with lazy movements, studying the way his head fell back against the window, breaths coming out in harsh pants that continued to fog up the glass surrounding us. 

When I pulled my hand away, Hyunjin opened his eyes, looking at me desperately as I spread out my legs and lowered myself to meet his cock at eye-level. He understood my intentions, lacing his fingers through my hair as his hips practically jumped in my face. I stilled them with a glare, swallowing hard as I allowed my tongue to trace across his narrow slit, following the little beads of precum that had gathered at the tip.

Hyunjin exhaled harshly, fidgeting around as he fought to keep himself in place, and I ended his torment by opening my mouth and taking him inside the wet cavern. He moaned with delight at the sensation, brushing my bangs out of my eyes as I took him even deeper, deciding that the taste of his precum was preferable to the alcohol and cigarettes from earlier.

I wasn’t that experienced with sucking cock, but I knew the basics, and Hyunjin seemed to be enjoying my efforts. Huffing around little whines as he begged me for more. And I was willing to give him everything, hollowing my cheeks as I felt the tip of his cock touch the back of my throat, forcing me to gag around his erection. “Do that again!” Hyunjin said, and I complied with his request, deep throating him until I couldn’t breathe before pulling off and using my hand to tug at his foreskin.

He was incredibly soft to the touch, and I could tell that he was close, hips practically humping against my fingers. I smiled at the sight of Hyunjin because he looked totally wrecked and ruined, but I still wanted to know what he looked like when I took him completely apart. So, I returned my lips to his cock, swallowing him down around a moan. “Yes! Yes! Yes!” Hyunjin chanted, like it was his life’s mantra, forcing his cock down further as I tried to relax the muscles in my throat.

Tears were falling from the corners of my eyes, and my jaw was starting to ache from his girth. Still, I managed to persevere, and I heard his warning just before I tasted his cum on my tongue as he released down my throat. I swallowed hard to force it down, groaning as his taste lingered on my tongue. Afterward, Hyunjin sighed in relief, wiping the sweat from his brow as he petted at my cheeks with gentle fingers. I looked up at him as I pulled back from his cock, and the flaccid length fell between us as I leaned forward to kiss Hyunjin again, struggling to find purchase on his chest.

“Thank you,” I finally managed, meeting his intense gaze as he grabbed my face between his hands to press his lips against the tear-stained tracks falling down my cheeks.

“You’re so good, Y/N,” Hyunjin said, and he pulled me closer into a necessary embrace, and I savored the warmth from his chest as we both came down from our highs.

I guess the next time I came to the track, I would be sure to look for Hyunjin.

[yeenybeanies]

Robotics and Dentistry

happy new year! this piece is part of a few writings i’ve done in a lil crossover between doom and transformers that @that-prey-lounge & i have been talking about for a while now

setback ( transformers oc ) & the doom slayer / william ( doom )

2,013 words

language warnings, mild mentions of gore, some mouth exploration

thanks for reading!! reblogs > likes!!

“ How the hell did you get something stuck in there? Isn’t your diet liquid? ” 

“ It is, yes, but I— “  Setback frowned and tightened his jaw, though it only further irritated the pain in his mouth. This was an embarrassing predicament he’d gotten himself into, and couldn’t get himself out of alone.  “ I got frustrated, and I bit a demon’s head off, ”  he muttered.

Will stared at him for a long moment, giving him a hard deadpan. Setback returned it in kind, refusing to break under the humiliation. This, unfortunately, was not the first time he’d used his teeth to finish off an adversary—squishy or otherwise. It wasn’t a common tactic he employed, mind, but sometimes the situation called for a swift, decisive crunch to conclude things.

“ Does it hurt? ” 

“ It’s bothersome. ”  Yes, it hurt, but he didn’t want to admit it so easily––not with Will looking at him like that.  “ Are you going to help me or not? ”  The mech pushed a sharp huff through his vents. He had half a mind to disregard Will and deal with the pain himself. Surely whatever fleshy bit stuck in his teeth would rot away eventually. In the grand scheme of things, it’d only be a minor pain for an insignificant amount of time. 

“ That’s fucking nasty. ”  The human grimaced, but he clearly found some humor in the situation as well. He waved his hand, gesturing his consent to be lifted.  “ Let me see. I’ll get it out for you. ” 

It was nasty. Not only the feeling, but the sound of flesh crunching and tearing between his teeth still lingered, fresh, in Setback’s memory. He wrinkled his nose, but bent forward and brought his hand down to gently sweep the human off of his feet. He regarded him with a hard stare, as if warning him to keep his amusement in check. Its success was debatable at best. Setback found himself hesitating, even as he brought Will nearer to his face. 

“ Well? ”  Will swatted the tip of Setback’s nose, making him huff. He started to open his mouth, but he’d only just parted his lips when Will all but lept in, pushing past his incisors and canines. Setback grunted in surprise, jaw jerking down to accommodate the sudden presence. 

Oh, he did not care for this. 

Putting demons in his mouth was nasty, as Will had pointed out, but war brought out terrible things in people. Biting demons in half was one thing. Humans, however, were a different story—or this human, at least. Biting down on Will, or harming him in any capacity, was the last thing Setback wanted to do. 

“ Jesus Christ… I didn’t know you actually had individual teeth. ”  Will laid prone on the mech’s tongue, waist deep in his mouth, and studied his surroundings. Setback had dentition remarkably similar to a human’s, which Will found surprising. While all teeth were ( obviously ) larger, there were unmistakably molars, incisors, and some rather long, sharp canines.  “ What the hell are these for? I have never once seen you chew anything. ” 

Setback flinched a little at the thump to his lower right canine that followed. He tried to speak, but quickly realized that he couldn’t form any words around the human in his mouth. Will chuckled at the attempt nonetheless. The deep, growling voice so close, echoing around him, felt funny. 

“ Yuhh hurry uh, ”  the mech grumbled—or tried to. 

“ Damn—you have li’l lights in here too? ”  Will pulled himself further into Setback’s mouth. Luckily for the both of them, giant alien robots don’t have gag reflexes, so, while it was an odd sensation to feel tiny, human hands rubbing at the back of his throat—presumably at the biolights there—it wasn’t one that was going to make Setback hurl. It did, however, chip away at his already waning patience. 

“ Ui’yuhh— “ 

“ Do they go all the way down? What’s the point of—hey! ”  Setback pinched the human’s lower leg between two digits and unceremoniously pulled him out, dangling him upside down in front of his face. A string of oral fluid dripped from him. The mech levelled Will with a glare. 

“ You are not helping, William. ” 

Will looked up at his captured leg, and then met Setback’s glare, unbothered.  “ I’m looking. Gotta find the damn thing. Let me back in. ”  A smirk crossed his features. No doubt he was feeling a little smug about being needed. 

“ Top right. Towards the back. ”  He scrunched his nose and squinted at the human. Will was enjoying this. For what reason, he couldn’t figure out. Nevertheless, Setback opened his mouth and lowered him back in. He set him down with his back to his tongue, and leveled his head so Will could adjust his position himself. 

The irritant, as he’d said, was lodged between his top, back molars. Will, now with direction, quickly found it and gave it an experimental tug. Even just a minor jostling of the tender area sent a twinge of pain into his circuits, and made him growl softly around the human. 

Will felt a shiver run down his spine at the sound—or perhaps it was the sound itself that vibrated through his bones. 

“ Looks like a piece of… I dunno, rib? I’m gonna pull on it; I’d appreciate it if you didn’t bite my arm off. ” 

Setback hummed in response and locked his jaw in place. While he did trust his own conscious control, it didn’t hurt to add the extra safety measure for Will’s sake. Will pulled himself almost fully into the mech’s mouth, gripped onto the debris with both hands, and planted a boot against the hard palate for extra leverage. He gave a short countdown so Setback could brace himself––not that he’d thank him for such a courtesy––and gave a hard yank. The debris didn’t come free immediately. Will had to twist and wiggle and shake it, loosening it from between Setback’s teeth. The growling gradually grew louder, more intense, until it ended in a sharp grunt right in time with Will falling backwards on his tongue, the dislodged remains clutched in his hands. Setback closed his eyes for a moment and allowed himself a sigh. The mechanisms in his jaw groaned as the strain against the locked joint eased. 

Will gave the slick, metal tongue beneath him a pat.  “ There ya go, big guy. Feel better? ”  He tossed the offending bone out, but made no moves yet to remove himself from Setback’s mouth. Instead, his attention returned to the teeth between which the bone was stuck.  “ Doesn’t still hurt, does it? ”  With hands much more tender, he rubbed along the sockets the teeth settled in—gums? They’d be gums, he supposed, though the words  “ robot gums ” sounded strange in his mind. 

The touch was not pleasant. The first rub agitated the soreness, and the second did so only marginally less. After the third rub, Setback growled a noise of protest. His tongue bucked under the human, pushing him up and towards his mouth opening, but Will blocked himself in, a hand and foot braced against the back of an upper and lower incisor.

“ Wait—hold on. ”  

“ Hnn? Uah? ” 

All of these new sights and sounds had Will so curious, so fascinated. Surely there could be no downside to knowing more of the anatomical workings of his Cybertronian companion. 

“ Let me look around a bit more. This is all new territory. ”  

Setback made a disapproving sound and gave Will another nudge, but the human kept himself stuck. 

“ C’mon! You already let me explore all over your outside. I wanna check your cool-ass teeth out some more. ”  Though he knew Setback couldn’t see him, he still made a puppy dog face—the same one he’d make whenever he sought the mech’s reluctant cooperation.  “ Think of it as me learning more about you so I’ll be able to help more in the future. Or you could think of this as an exercise in how to be careful with me. ”

Setback rolled his eyes. He was careful with Will. He even had half a mind to argue—if his mouth weren’t currently full—that Will had admonished him for being too cautious with him on multiple occasions. 

However, despite Setback’s reservations, and his suspicion that Will was just looking for excuses to continue his exploration, he found some merit in said excuses. With a heavy sigh, both reluctant and exasperated, the mech relaxed his tongue under Will. He could have his fun, if only for a little bit. 

Will wasted no time. He laid back on the tongue and put both hands to the roof of Setback’s mouth. The fluid coating the mouth interior was slick to the touch, and made everything slippery. His hands glided along the palate in vague circular motions, feeling over the smooth metal. They then drifted back to the gums, this time on the opposite side from the sore spot, and traced the seams along the teeth. Fingers followed the seam from molars to incisors, and back to Setback’s upper left canine. To put things simply, it was a big fucking canine. Will estimated that it must have been six or seven inches long. He tested the tip’s sharpness on the heel of his hand, then did the same with the cusps on a molar. 

“ Why do you have such big teeth? ” 

The tongue shifted under him. Setback hummed, but, with Will occupying his mouth, he couldn’t offer anything of any coherence. 

Looking to the outside, Will found amusement in how the teeth resembled stalactites and stalagmites, how it looked and felt sort of like he was spelunking in a cave. In a way, he sort of was. He twisted himself so he was back on his stomach, unbothered by the slime coating his clothing and skin, and crawled his way further into the slick cavern. 

Setback was finding it bizarre, to say the least, to have Will––or anyone, really––rummaging around in his mouth. The taste was inoffensive, but the feeling was strange. It took a good bit of willpower not to shudder at the sensation of those little hands poking and prodding and rubbing around in there. 

It also brought him some level of mental discordance. Most things that went in his mouth were either fuel or foes. Will was neither. Will was… a friend. Will was his only friend in this damned solar system.

And his friend was in his mouth, arguably in a very dangerous place. Yet, he was perfectly safe. That much Setback would ensure. He would not harm this human. 

“ What would happen if you swallowed me? ” 

Setback blinked.  “ …huh? ”  

Will gave his tongue a final pat, then pushed his way out of the mech’s mouth feet-first, right into his awaiting hands. He wore a pleased grin on his face as he shook his arms free of some of the goop.

“ I think I could fit. Where’s your fuel go when you drink? You’ve got some sort of stomach-thing, right? Or tank? ”

Now that he was free to do so, Setback unlocked his jaw and flexed it, working out the stiffness. The absurdity of the question was starting to sink in, slowly but surely. 

“ I have a tank, yes…. Multiple tanks where energon is stored until it can be pumped where it is needed. ”  Setback regarded the human with a dubious look. He did not like this line of questioning.  “ Before you ask: no. I will not swallow you. ”  

“ You say that now. ”  Will’s grin took a turn for the smug. 

“ I do say that now, ”  Setback said. He scowled down at Will.  “ I think we’re done here. ”  Will started to protest, but Setback took a knee and lowered his hands to deposit him on the floor. Then came the pouting. 

“ You’re welcome, ”  he said. His indignation was light, but present. Setback rolled his eyes. 

“ Thank you, William. ”  He placed the tip of his index finger to the human’s chest and gave him a gentle shove, pushing him a step back.  “ Go clean yourself off. ”

“ What if you just close your mouth with me in there? ” 

“ William–– ” 

“ What if I say  ‘ pretty please ’  ? ” 

“ Go. ”

[pazvizslaplasmathrower]

father of hopes and dreams- Chapter 15

Read here or on Ao3

Chapter 14: Aerial Ace

Summary: Your young master is gone, just at the birth of your bond, he has left you for many years, leaving you to survive the galaxy alone. After sustaining an injury from a drunken storm trooper, someone faces the decision to either leave or help you in your moment of need.

Chapter Summary: Paz's suspicions begin to take root as he probes further into your past. Hopefully, there is help to be found at the next destination.

Word Count: 3.1k

A/N: asdfghjkl;' nowww I think I know what I'm doing with this but not really lmao. But fair warning idk how the hell starship controls work. The comments I have received have given me so much motivation and joy! Many thanks <3

***___***___***

The woman did not wait for Paz Vizsla’s permission and approached his child rather quickly. On one hand there was a swelling pride knowing that someone seemed to care greatly for one of his small clan, but she had clearly, unknown intentions and the young one seemed rather irked by the merchant’s acquaintance. They quite literally hid from them, burrowing under their blankets. The Mandalorian could almost feel their growing anxiety. 

“Hey, Kid. There’s no need to be scared.” With one hand, the woman peeled back a blanket. “I just wanna say-KARK!”

Stumbling backwards, she just barely kept herself upright and looking down at the offending hand, it was clearly bleeding. Poking their head up from the hammock, (Y/N) looked properly disgusted, their mouth twisted with displeasure. 

“Ugh!” After a few deep breaths they retched. “That tasted awful!”

Still holding her hand, the woman gave a forced smile. “Cute kid, Mandalorian.”

After fully registering what had happened, Paz could see the woman was not too terribly hurt, and his foundling seemed fine, just put off. Begrudgingly, he apologized and urged (Y/N) to do the same. While the woman’s insistence was not appropriate, neither was biting her hand severely enough to draw blood. 

“A’dika, please. Give your apology.”

“But she-!”

“(Y/N), I’ll not tell you again.”

The child huffed expressing their sarcastic remorse, and Paz realized w=this was the best that he would get from them given the circumstances. 

“I am sorry I startled you, little one.” The woman admitted. 

(Y/N)’s ears drooped. 

    “Just...forgive me for saying so, but I haven’t seen any like you before and I have, well, been around the galaxy a fair bit. But, I’m afraid I’ve come not to chat, but on business.” 

Following Paz’s quiet lead she trailed behind him as he walked to the cockpit to gather the credits needed. From the corner of his eye, he could catch her stealing glances back at the foundling who eventually jumped from their spot and into the refresher. As previously determined, he handed the woman a bag of credits, her grip was strong and very determined. Oddly, she seemed uninterested in the money, more distracted as if her mind was elsewhere, somewhere far away. 

“Ah,” she smiled, “thank you very much for your business. If you would like I could-”

“No.” Paz squared his shoulders. “Give my thanks and appreciation to your employer. You have already done more than enough for us.”

The woman nodded, fixing a few brown hairs that had gone astray. “If you should need anything else, do not hesitate to reach out. I do believe that you have our contact information?”

“Hm. That I do. If you do not mind, I must start work straight away.” 

Paz gestured to the back corridor and deliberately led the human woman from his ship, not giving her another opportunity to speak or look back into the ship. She was nothing to be actively fearful of, the Mandalorian could tell she would do no harm, at least with malicious intentions. But the way her eyes took in the child made him defensive. He wished that the foundling would have just hidden away to begin with. To ensure that the woman went on her way, Paz Vizsla watched her disappear into the crowds milling about, but before turning back into the ship, he could have sworn seeing the blonde man from the day prior. 

***___***___***

After the second time, you had rushed to the fresher, the door could not shut and lock quick enough. Those brown eyes were calculating...judging...yet not threatening. Still, the young woman’s strange nature had been enough to frighten you into hiding. Her presence lingered, even as you could tell she was long gone. Perhaps she had been connected like you and your master were. Though they had spoken of Jedi being near extinct, not many were left alive after the fall of the Republic. So if the woman had been anything like you, then she must have been unaware or willfully ignorant. But then why had her simply being in your vicinity caused such anxiety? Feeling so completely overwhelmed, you let your eyes close, finding sleep would be the best remedy.

Rubbing the sides of your temples, you laid on your stomach your nerves having finally settled. The whirring sounds of mechanics must have been the Mandalorian working on the repairs much needed, the seller must have sold this at a discount for such reasons. As your guardian was occupied and giving you space, you decided to check up on the growth of your...current problem, their hiding place was becoming quite restrictive. Undoing the ties, you let the bag fall to the ground and for a moment all you could do was stare at yourself in front of the mirror, taking in the sight behind you. There they were. A part of your own body, very much there and real. No longer a fleshy, loathsome sight, though still very much small, your wings were a third of their full maturation. Covering the skin and bones were now captivating feathers, quite dark, nearly obsidian, but iridescent if you turned your body a certain way. Though new they already seemed quite resilient in nature, the primaries, secondaries and coverts, not one was less lustrous than the others. Bending your arm awkwardly you reached around to gently brush a few fingers against the plumage, gliding the skin against one that jutted out. Surprisingly, the edge of the feather just barely cut your finger, drawing a thin line of blood. Deciding the edges were best avoided, you tapped the center of one, fascinated at the solid consistency.

The oily sheen that coated your wings felt rather uncomfortable, so you took the liberty of running a quick shower. After drying off the familiar parts of your body, there was the matter of the wings. Those muscles were still in their infancy and had not been used due your keeping them a secret from the galaxy. Flexing the sinewy flesh, water flitted off and with each fluttering, the sensation became that more comfortable. Satisfied with the drying, you picked the backpack from the floor, at once realizing the task before you.

“(Y/N)?” There was a slow tapping on the door. “A’dika, are you alright?”

Silently cursing, you nearly fell over, slippin on the damp floor. “Yeah! I’m good! Just took a nap and then an, uh, shower.”

“Hm… Alright. Well, if I could get some help when you’re finished, after I’ll get your evening meal ready.”

“O-Okay!”

You waited until his footstep faded off before letting yourself take a deep breath. Force, thank the stars, he had not waited for you to come out. Fueled by the anxiety that your secret would be uncovered, you tensed the weak muscles of your wings, bringing them close in together while keeping your arms flexible. Stretching the bag open as far as possible, you barely managed to cover them completely, though the pressure forcing the limbs together was extremely uncomfortable, bordering on painful. Even so, you put on a placid face and left the refresher, following the mechanical noises until you could see Paz in the engine room, fumbling around with a variety of tools.

“Ah, there you are. Hand me the hyper screwdriver if you will.”

You knelt on the ground, looking over a number of devices, none of which you actually knew the names of, but each had names you had bestowed upon them when playing Jedi versus Stormtroopers. From where he was hunched over, Paz looked at you, probably expectantly. At a loss, you pointed to one tool only to have him shake his head. Again and again the process was repeated, your guardian naming each one as you went until you finally had the damned hyper screwdriver in hand, tossing it to the Mandalorian who sighed.

“Have you ever done work on a ship before?”

   “Not really?” Shrugging you could feel your stomach clench. “I’m a kid and I’ve also never owned a ship before in my life.”

“And what of your master?” Paz countered.

   “They didn’t own one. We just caught rides as they came, y’know?”

It was true, money was never plentiful, and your teacher was not fond of New Republic transportation, so they went out of their way to find only the most leery individuals that were doing their best to avoid the Republic and any ex-Imperials. Those ships had been run by those who were simply satisfied that the starships were running effectively. So there was no mechanical expertise learned on your travels. Yawning, you felt the need to preen, your wings feeling irritated in their confinement. Paz Vizsla seemed to notice this irritability, and immediately you stopped moving.

“Are you feeling alright?”

   “What?” Laughing, you tried not to look into his visor. “I’m just hungry.”

He set his tool down, considering you for a moment before putting his things away and moving out of the engine room. Tentatively you followed, sensing that Paz’s apprehension was growing steadily, you knew it was only a matter of time until he would have to pry. Even though you had napped earlier, your body was asking for respite as well as a substantial meal, the delayed but rapid growth was taking its toll. While the Mandalorian went about preparing the foodstuffs, you stayed in the hangar, nearly nodding off without anything to do. It was a shame really, in your life with your teacher and now this life with the Mandalorian, there was a looming sense of uselessness. Of being so utterly disinterested with nothing to do. Perhaps with this Mandalorian the adventures were to come, but with your teacher, anything remotely exciting had been scarce. There was always the crucial necessity of being safe, of being alive, and your master’s anxiety surrounding survival had started to seep into your own mind, keeping you from the world outside each hiding spot the both of you made a temporary home of. Some of that fear still lingered even now, but there was an actual reason to stay hidden, to have parts of you stay hidden. And often when one is hidden, there is not much to keep oneself occupied. It was not as if you had any belongings anymore. Everything was gone the moment your eyes closed on whatever planet you had lost your master on.

“(Y/N). (Y/N?”

   Groggy from being lost in thought, you lifted your head, “Huh?”

   “Here. I secured more rations, but please try to eat more than the meat.”

  Reaching up, you took the tray from Paz Vizsla’s large hands, smiling in thanks for his kindness and efforts. And despite the greens tasting like poison, you made yourself devour them completely. When everything was finished, you made sure to sip the juiced in the bottom of the tray that remained; nothing was to go to waste. Feeling only half full, you tried to find satisfaction in what had been given, but to even dream of more...no.

“Are you feeling alright, young one?”

   “Just tired.” Not a lie, but only a fraction of the truth.

  Paz Vizsla slowly joined you on the floor crossing his legs like you had. “I can only help if you tell me what the matter is, A’dika.”

“I never said I needed help.”

   “You seem more than tired.” The modulated voice cracked for a moment, though not out of emotion.

   “It’s nothing, I just need sleep.”

Once you had cleaned up from dinner, he let you rest. Neither of you mentioned the strange woman who brought the parts for the ship. She was to remain unspoken of, for some time. The Mandalorian informed you that he would be taking off to a place his friend the Armorer knew where the both of you could find some help that could potentially aid your memory. Despite feeling the constriction at your back, you were able to drift off, the monotonous sound of the ship lulled you to sleep. There were no real dreams, at least ones that you were accustomed to, just a cacophony of colors surrounding your consciousness, enveloping you in a soft chill. It only seemed like a matter of minutes that you had entered the welcoming realm of unconsciousness when something started to startle your subconscious. It was this muted screech in the back of your mind that slowly started to grow louder, then all at once the full power of an alarm assaulting your sensitive ears. Disoriented and confused you pushed yourself up seeing the world inside of the ship was now bathed in a red light, if that was not distressing enough, the ship would lurch every moment now and then.

In a hurry you fell out of the hammock, your knees properly smacking against the floor. Part of you wanted to take the time to don your armor, but when the ship jerked yet again, you decided against it. Fumbling towards where you had seen Paz Vizsla last, feeling a brief surge of relief at the sight of him in the pilot’s seat, one hand  gripped the controls while the other furiously worked a board of buttons and switches. You wanted to call out but words failed, unable to unclench your throat, you rushed to his side.

“DAMN! Kark, (Y/N), get back into the hangar, find someplace safe to hide!” Paz demanded.

  Looking over at the ship’s radar system you could see a few other ships were hot on your tail, and when the Mandalorian steered the ship suddenly, you could see that the star ship was under unfriendly fire. It was a miracle you had not been sent flying back into the small corridor, and despite Paz Vizsla’s protests, you climbed into the co-pilot’s seat and tightly strapped yourself in.

   “Wh-Who’s trying to kill us?!” You finally managed, as the craft lurched forward again.

  The Mandalorian gave what could have either been a misplaced chuckle or perhaps a cough. Often you found yourself wishing he would just take the damn helmet off; without the vocader he would actually sound human.

  “New Republic fighters. They’re after the ship, looks like we bought stolen goods, young one.” From further within the craft the pair of you could hear something crackle and then pop violently. “And...And you swear you’ve never done anything technical?!”

   “If I did, I’d be helping, yeah?!”

“Here. Take my seat.” He ordered.

  Dizzy from the gravity of the present moment you just stared until the Mandalorian took the initiative to unbuckle you from your seat and then placed you where he had once been, moving the seat closer to the controls.

   “I don’t know how to fly a kriffing ship!” You cried, not sure where to put your hands, though judging by the radar, you had only a few moments to make a decision.

   “Don’t worry, A’dika,” he reassured you with a heavy pat on the back, “it’s just like playing a holo game!”

  He gave you no time to argue or protest, darting somewhere within to fix what had potentially ruptured. Quietly, you murmured consolations to yourself, reaching forward to grab the control column, deciding to keep an eye on the screen showing you where the enemies were. When everything rocked to the side, you figured you were certainly not moving swiftly enough. What would your master do? Kark, you master would have avoided this whole debacle in the first place. Hell, the Jedi would certainly have reprimanded you for going off in search of him, the danger far eclipsing the mystery of what had befallen them. But here now, there was no safe choice, and there was another life that had been thrust into your young hands. Even now as your heart pounded, you could feel no semblance of your teacher.

   Letting out a rather long string of curses, you abruptly steered the ship from another volley of fire. Sweat beaded and poured down your face, yet there was no time to wipe it away. Your attention was divided amongst the control display, radar and the kriffing space in front. With each second that focus sharpened, and Paz had a point, the main controls for the most part were just like the holo games that you had started to play on his data pad, except there was the very real possibility of dying. A blinking light from the communications panel prompted you to press the button just below without thinking.

   “Blue eleven to...Royal Ark, do you copy? You are ordered to stand down! I repeat! Stand down!”

   “Ohhhh kark! Paz!?”

He must have still been working desperately on the repairs, too occupied to hear your plea. The fire ceased giving you a bit of respite.

“Royal Ark, identify yourself!”

  If it were not for the labels, surely you would have incidentally blown both you and paz into oblivion. And given your master had instructed you somewhat on Galactic Basic, you found the transmission switch.

   “Um, Royal Ark to Blue...Blue eleven?”

There was a long pause and even though the New Republic fighters were now only tailing the craft you still had a vice like grip on the control column.

“Are...Are you a child?” The static voice came over incredulously.

   Flexing the muscles in your throat you flicked the switch, “No, of course not!”

Glancing down there was a very large lever that you had noticed upon your first time on the ship, its mere size enticing you to move it immediately. Occasionally, you had observed many a pilot manning their transports, and from that you absolutely knew there was a host of buttons to press before pulling on the massive lever, though now with the ship currently damaged, the ruling government breathing down your neck and the overabundance of anxiety fueling your every move, it seemed like a viable option. Tipping the controls forward, you tried to force the ship to go faster.

“Royal Ark! You have been ordered to cease and be escorted to the nearest New Republic base! Identify yourself! Stop!”

Through the communicator you could hear the Republic leader’s comrades growing increasingly agitated. Becoming more irked, you pushed forward, and from far behind you could hear the Mandalorian stumbling about, shouting in a language you could not interpret. All autonomy you possessed seemed to slip away, while a desperate need to escape took hold. All together the grating sounds of the damned alarm, the Republic bastards shouting orders, the rattling of durasteel and the new barrage of fire came together in a most unholy matrimony tearing an unbridled scream from your lungs. And all at once there was a piercing energy that coursed through your body as you forced the large lever forward, forcing your body to shake and then go rigid for what felt like eternity. But nothing ever remains the same as when that moment of shock ended your body jerked forward and your head properly smacked against the console sending you into violent but welcome unconsciousness.

[stillroamer]

History Repeats

It's TRUE that blessings are often disguised as bitter trials. In Pick and Rome's case their blessing came in the form of a Freaky Friday episode that lasted a week. An entire week spent living each others lives forcing them to self-reflect and recall who they were as individuals and as a couple.

In Rome's case, Rome had to remember that while his boyfriend wasn't big on public displays of affection, it didnt mean he loved him any less. In fact, the way Pick loved Rome meant more to Rome than mere kisses and hand holding in the park ever would. Rome just felt ashamed It had taken this whole body switch experience for him to see that.

(Truth be told, a small part of Rome had always feared his boyfriend would wake up one day and realize that Rome wasn't what or who he wanted. Realize that he wanted more than what Rome could ever give. It was an unreasonable and unfounded fear, but it was always there at the back of his mind. The doubt convincing him that he was running on borrowed time. Convincing him that he had best treasure the moments with his P'Pick because one day he might not have him anymore. )

It took Rome having to live as P'Pick for Rome to remember his boyfriend's love had always been shown not spoken. His P'Pick was a man of action after all. The man whose "I love yous" were displayed in the way he helped Rome reach his cereal from the highest shelf, in the way he, also, drove Rome to work every morning without complaint, the way he kept a picture of them together hidden away on his desk, the way he blew off his coworkers just so he could rush back home straight after work to see him, and in the way he indulged Rome's every whim no matter how small. P'Pick might not openly declare his love but it was always there in other ways that mattered. Rome could see that now.

Moreover, the final confirmation that completely destroyed any remaining doubt Rome had was the fact that P'Pick confessed his workaholic attitude was born out of his need to see for THEIR future. It was in that moment that Rome had been able to see past his fears and insecurities and finally see the man his P'Pick had become.

Pick, on the other hand, had realized that his workaholic tendencies had infringed on his time with the one person he had been doing everything for. He hadn't realized he had made his boyfriend feel like a burden to him. That Rome had been burning himself making coffee because he didnt want Pick to carry the weight of their living expenses all on his own. It made Pick mad that it took a whole curse for him to notice how neglectful he had become to the love of his life. What kind of boyfriend was he that he hadn't even noticed the burns on Rome nor the sacrifices Rome had been making. The curse had been a rather needed wake up call for him.

Thus, Pick found himself requesting a day off from work, much to the shock of his boss and coworkers, to accompany his boyfriend to register for his last semester of college. His presence wasn't necessary but he wanted to be there for moral support. It was also good to be back walking the halls where they had met and fell in love.

"You think once you're done we can sneak into the red room and finish what we started that one time" Pick teased loving the way Rome's entire face flushed in embarrassment.

"Well technically what I started but that's beside the point." He continued ignoring the scandalized 'P'Pick!' from his boyfriend. "I'm quite curious how far you were willing to go had I not stopped"

"Now you're definitely NOT coming inside with me." Rome shook his head motioning for Pick to sit on the benches right outside the Photography room. Just like the old times. "Wait here until I'm done registering"

"Before you graduate, I will have you in that red room" Pick promised laughing at Rome's cheeky "we'll see" response before entering the photography room alone.

Doing as told Pick patiently sat on the bench to wait on Rome. Well he tried to at least. Once the games on his phone no longer held their appeal, Pick got up to inspect the bulletin board on the wall. The bulletin was completely filled to the brim with flyers of all kinds of school activities. Although one in particular caught his eye. It was a flyer announcing the annual exhibition for the photography club's photos.

Suddenly, Pick was reminiscing about THAT disastrous camping trip of Rome's sophomore year. The trip where he had practically almost pushed Rome away from him for good. God he had been such an idiot in denial. Pick had always regretted his behavior during that trip. (Although the kiss that happened right after was definitely something he did not regret. )

Luckily, Rome had still accepted him and had forgave him almost immediately. Pick, on the other hand, wished he could give Rome a better camping experience, preferably WITHOUT a third wheel. Given that this was Rome's last year, Pick figured he could still make it happen.

Just as Pick began trying to plan the trip in his head he was interrupted by someone calling his name. "P'Pick?"

"Oi! Nong Pete, how are you?" Pick greeted happy to see his cousin, Pete.

"I've been good," Pete politely replied, though Pick could tell he was confused, "I thought you had graduated already what are you doing here? Did my dad send you here to spy on me?"

Pick laughed at the annoyed look on Pete's face. Pick really couldn't blame Pete for the accusation. In the past, when Pete had been in high school, Pick had been sent by his uncle to look after his rebellious cousin. Pete's temper had always gotten him in trouble.

"Actually no I'm not here to spy on you. I'm waiting on somebody. Why? Should I be here to look after you? Still getting into trouble Pete?" Pick asked. "Besides isn't the engineer department on the other side of campus what are you doing here?"

"Well, I- I- I'm waiting on someone too" Pete's blush didnt escape Pick's notice nor the fact that Pete suddenly had a new fascination with the floor.

Oh.

Pick laughed "With your temper? Who did you trick into dating you? "

"Hey! " Pete defended himself. "You're..."

The rest of Pete's remark was lost to Pick and his teasing mood gone when he noticed Rome walking out with another man the same flyer he was looking at just moments ago in both their hands.

Disregarding his cousin, Pick walked up to Rome and this other man to announce his presence, hoping he wasn't too late in preventing another terrible camping experience.

" Did you make a new FRIEND?" Pick asked as he gently inserted himself between the two men and emphasizing the word FRIEND. After the whole Din experience , Pick was not keen on having another person thinking they could have HIS boyfriend.

"Ah P'Pick this is Nong Kao, he is my beloved junior from middle school who is now joining the photography club. " Rome happily introduced " Nong Kao this is P'Pick he is our senior who has just recently graduated."

Pick and Kao politely bowed at one another.

"I'm not just your senior you cheeky boy" Pick thought.

"Actually this is the senior I was just telling you about, " Rome continued excitedly "if P'Pick is okay with it, we can borrow his car and go to Phuket to take pictures for the exhibit."

Pick inwardly facepalmed as Rome rambled on about the details of the trip. So much for his plans.

"You're going on a trip?" Pete interrupted, staring intently at Kao.

"Oi Pete, when did you get here?" Kao nervously replied.

" Oh this is Nong Pete!" Rome exclaimed then quickly turned to Kao to mock whisper "He is very handsome."

"Rome" Pick warned whilst Kao turned bright red and Pete gloated. "Dont. Nong Pete is my cousin"

At Rome's happy gasp, Pick wanted to bang his head against the wall. He didn't like the mischievous twinkle in his boyfriend's eyes.

"All four of us should go on a trip!" Rome proposed, much to Pick's dismay.

This was going to be a disaster.

____________________________________________

A/N: I just found this on my phone and decided to post. This was going to be my attempt at a funny fic but I am always tired from work and this has been sitting on my phone for months. SO I'll just leave it here and hopefully someone will like it enough to continue it. If not just imagine offguntaynew's camping episode on offgun's show as the trip 😅.

[gra-sonas]

In-depth interview with L’Odet

Michael is an actor based in Los Angeles. He's known for his work on The CW's "Roswell, New Mexico." The second season of Roswell dropped on Netflix this week. Photos by Davy Kesey for his Reflections series, a photographic pursuit of vulnerable, multifaceted, and deeply personal portraits.

CARIANN BRADLEY: What did your day to day look like filming the second season of "Roswell, New Mexico?" I know in our first chat together several months ago, you told me you tapped into your friend passing away this time last year. Can you explain to me your process?

MICHAEL VLAMIS: Season two of "Roswell" — it was crazy because so many things happened to me personally going into the season. A buddy of mine passed away; I recovered his body in the middle of an ocean after a freak boating accident . Friends and I were out in Panama, Central America, for a bachelor party and it went from the greatest time ever to one of the most wild experiences of my life. The kid that we lost was one of my childhood best friends.

That happened in May. Shortly after that, I tore my meniscus in my right knee, which is the third time I’ve done that, so I underwent surgery at the end of July. Once that surgery happened, I had to report to the set of "Roswell" about three days later. I couldn’t drive, so one of my roommates actually drove me out to Santa Fe — my roommate Roarke Anderson who I have lived with since college, we played baseball together at Chapman. And then I get out to the shoot and everybody is so worried about me because of my knee surgery. I’m limping and it’s hard for me to be standing on set or doing any physical contact and everybody is babying me so hard! I’m really bad at taking help. The "Roswell" cast and crew were so supportive, so helpful — they got me my own custom chair that I could sit in so my knee would heal quicker.

They were doing all of these things, going out of their way, and I don’t know if it’s a thing that I have — pride or ego or my stubbornness — but taking help from people, even when I need it, is tough for me. I was taking all of this help and then three weeks into shooting, the doctor said, “You can drive, but you don’t want to be hitting the break too hard; take care of your knee.” And on my way to set one morning, a priest turned right in front of me at a green light and I smoked this guy in my car; I totaled my car. He got knocked unconscious, but luckily he was okay, everything worked out — he was healthy, he got taken away from the scene but was able to walk away from the hospital and was doing fine. Right at that time, I was really just feeling the death of my friend, the knee surgery, the car accident — meanwhile, Max, my brother in the show, played by Nathan Parsons of course, is dead in the series.

So, while all of this is going on, I keep channeling my buddy and that horrific incident because it felt like if anything was gonna come out of that — he was a big supporter of my career, always telling people I was acting — I felt like I could do justice to my friend’s death, I could make a positive out of such a negative, and that’s what I did. I really tried to channel him and look to him between scenes and bring that for the loss of my brother in the show.

And, to be honest, I felt like I went too deep into that and it really caught up to me. A month and a half into shooting I just snapped one day. I remember the hair stylist on set all of the sudden told me that The CW thought the right side of my hair wasn’t as curly as it normally is, so they started curling my curls on set and, it’s so funny that that ended up being the last straw. Curling my curls made me feel like a helpless individual who just needed to be so pampered and taken care of and watched after and looked upon — and I didn’t feel like my own person. I ended up saying a dick comment to our hair stylist, who I love and really respect and appreciate, but in that moment I snapped and I got all teary-eyed and she was like, “Dude, what’s going on?” And I gave her a big hug and I’m like, “I’m sorry, this isn’t about you at all,” and I went to my trailer and I wrote a poem and I kind of got out everything I was feeling. From that moment on, which was about six weeks into shooting, I felt better. I had a little bit of a relief. And then, luckily, Max comes back to life halfway through season two and my big episode, episode five, when I channeled my buddy the most was a very tough experience. But once that was over I was able to let the passing of my friend go for a while and everything normalized, but that was everything just on set! You just get so focused on doing your best work that you kind of drive yourself insane.

C: Even just from talking to you the first time we chatted for l’Odet, you just seem like the most productive person ever. How do you take care of yourself? Especially when you’re exerting that much of yourself creatively. Do you do therapy or do you just depend on your support system?

M: I think that changes. At one point in my life it was meditation. I actually meditated for the first time this morning since February because I’ve been feeling so strange lately in the pandemic, right? It’s been ups and downs and I was feeling like I needed a little bit more calmness in my life. I know that I’m a person that really likes control and I like things the way they are and me having a grasp on things — it’s little things. I have a driveway that we park all five of the cars of the house and the cars are parked just back to back to back, so if you’re the first one in, you have to go to your roommates and say, “Hey guys, I have to do a car shuffle, I have to leave,” and it can be an inconvenience for people to go move their cars for you to get out. When I’m meditating and my mind is very relaxed, that doesn't bother me, but I’ve been noticing lately that I don’t want to park in the driveway because I’m gonna get stuck, but at a time like this? When I don’t have to go anywhere, I don’t have to be anywhere, why am I thinking about being stuck? What is going on right there? Why do I need this control again? This feeling of absolute freedom whenever I want when I can achieve that freedom mentally with my car being in the driveway. Little things like that make me realize that I need to get back to centering myself, so I’m going to start meditating again every day, because you asked what I do for my mental health — to be completely honest, I don’t really take care of myself that much!

I’m just kind of a go, go, go person and I like pushing myself. I look at life like a big video game; the more levels I can beat, the more fun it is, but eventually, you get tired of the game and you have to step back so I’m going to try to be putting meditation back into my life. Aside from that, I’ve been reading way more during the pandemic. I’ve read three books, "The Little Prince" is one of them; it’s a children’s book, but you can call it that! I read a book! I’ve read like three books which is more than I’ve read all through "Roswell" because I was just so occupied with writing, so that’s been helping me take a step back and unwind. Aside from that, I need pointers! I need to figure out what taking care of myself actually looks like, because it is peaks and valleys when it comes to my mental health.

C: It seems like you're always working, even when you're not shooting. You're a bit addicted to work, maybe?

M: I think so. I think I’m addicted to accomplishing things that I don’t even think I should be able to accomplish. The people that fascinate me are the Donald Glovers of the world. The guys, and women, who you hear they did something and you’re like, “How?!” How did they make a hit album, a hit TV show, act in all these movies, write for a TV show — all these things that just don’t seem feasible, but he accomplished them! I want that. I like that. I like being the person who is always pushing to just be outside of their comfort zones and accomplish something that was a dream at one point in your life that could turn into reality. I’m really fascinated by that whole process or turning dreams into reality.

C: I think people our age can get really discouraged if one thing doesn’t work out and for a person to be able to keep going, for it to only motivate them more — I think that’s probably a superpower.

M: Superpower or just a big ego! It’s one of the two. Ego is something that I’ve thought about heavily. I’ve blown relationships in the past because of ego, I think my acting work five years ago wasn’t good because of ego. Then you get stripped down, you get beaten down by life, and you get a little more comfortable with the uncomfortable and I think that’s where the best work comes from. For me, yeah, I think I just really like pushing myself. I do see life like this video game, so if one door closes, you don’t put the game down, you don’t all of a sudden stop playing, no, you keep playing in order to beat it! And sometimes that might mean buying the cheat code book or asking a friend how to beat this level or whatever it is, but those little things to figure out how to get past what you’re stuck with — I love those moments. I love getting through something that doesn’t seem like something I can accomplish.

C: Yeah, and something I wrote down, actually, was that from watching "Roswell" season two, I feel like your character is very jaded and he almost needs stuff proven to him to believe that good things can happen. Which makes sense because of all the shit he’s been through and all the trauma that he’s experienced in his life, but were you ever like that personally? Even after this really traumatic experience happened with your friend, are you more jaded because of all these things that have happened in the last year?

M: You know what? No, I’m not. Maybe I should be but, no. I have a tough time living life without leaving my heart on my sleeve and being vulnerable. I think the beauty is in vulnerability, and I admit that I’m not always good at that. I’m actually realizing I’m really bad at that when it comes to relationships with a woman that I may love. It can be very hard for me to say exactly what I want or what I’m feeling. I don’t know why that is exactly, but when it comes to anything else in life, I can say anything I want, anything I’m feeling — I could spill my guts to the cashier at a gas station and I can be okay with that and who I am. So, no, not jaded. The experience that I had with my friend passing, that has just made me more aware, right? Just knowing that accidents like that, freak accidents, like what happened to him on a boat in the middle of Central America at a time where you didn’t think you had a care in the world — that can be flipped on its head in a second. So, just kind of knowing that and that might mean me looking across the street, left and right an extra time, but just kind of learning from every experience but still moving ahead as if I’m just this kid in this world for the first time, soaking everything in. And if I get hurt, that’s just a part of the process. Me being a masochist for my art, because the more I get hurt in real life, the better my art is. It’s kind of a weird balance. If I wasn’t an actor, maybe I wouldn’t feel that way, but I’ve always been this way even before I started acting in my senior year of college. So, that’s tough. I don’t think I’ve been like Michael Guerin, though, where I’m just reaching for answers all the time. I, in the past, prove to myself that I’m a good person or I’m wanted or that I actually can find success in the things I love. It’s just put the hard hat on and go to work and keep plugging away.

C: Interesting. I think that you have really done a good job of truly just drawing on those experiences then, because you really portray that through Guerin really well. I mean, he’s just so different than you which, I mean, is how acting is supposed to be, I guess, right? [Laughs] I guess I don’t know too much about acting.

M: No, definitely! And maybe we even talked about this in the last interview, but I was always so surprised that Carina MacKenzie, our showrunner, said that, as an actor, I am the most different in real life than I am as my character. It kind of blew my mind! I feel like I am Michael Guerin! I feel like everything Michael Guerin does is exactly how Michael Vlamis would react in a situation, but the difference is, when it comes to acting, the truth I’m bringing is under the circumstances of Michael Guerin. So, what he’s going through is exactly how I would react in those situations, but I’m just not in those situations because that’s not how I think or operate in my life! But if I was to do that, then that is what you would get. So, it doesn’t feel that far off for me because I have all those things in me, that is who I am, a lot of those feelings of anger or jealousy or the feeling of not being loved or proving yourself, being wanted. I have all that stuff, it’s just not coming out on a daily basis because, in life, I like to keep things light for the most part — I like to make jokes all the time, but, deep down, I’m a very serious person who's had to work on anger issues in the past and had to really find balance in how I react to certain situations. The beautiful thing about Guerin is that I can just be the worst parts of me. I can put that on screen because that’s interesting to watch, you know?

C: I’m interested to see you in other stuff. I’m interested to see if your biopic gets made and stuff too, I haven’t seen you in anything else. Or write anything, you know?

M: Well, a lot of people haven’t, which is so funny to me, because I have been doing self-tape auditions right now for movies that are trying to be cast and no idea when production is going to happen, but people are trying to do virtual auditions, trying to fill their cast so that they can go shoot once this pandemic is over. A lot of things I’m auditioning for are comedies, but people are like, “Can he do comedy?” Which is so funny! Comedy is my bread and butter. Comedy is probably what I do better than anything, but people don’t know me as that! They knew me as that initially and that’s why I couldn't even get an audition on "Roswell," because I was the comedy guy, and now I’m, like, the dramatic guy. [Laughs] You always have to prove to people and make them see that you can't be put in a box. It will be very cool for the world to see me acting in other projects and, actually, my first feature film that I produced and starred in called “Five Years Apart” just picked up a distribution deal through an amazing distributor and in the states. We’ve got sales happening in foreign markets right now; we’ve locked up like three territories out of seventeen worldwide and this movie is very special to me. It’s an indie dramatic comedy, pretty much about two estranged brothers coming together over a wild weekend and a very specific incidence happens that forces them together and it’s very funny. It’s a really fun movie. It was a thirteen-day shoot in LA.

C: Wow! That’s not long at all!

M: No, no! It was very quick. We didn’t have a lot of money, you know? A lot of people said that we couldn’t make the movie for double of what we ended up making it for. Everybody who said that to us, these were line producers who have done big, successful movies, and were just doing us a favor with budgeting, and it comes down to that video game mentality again. Oh, you think I can’t make for this much? Okay, watch me make it for half of that and still do a good job! I don’t know, that might be the whole pride aspect — stubbornness, ego or whatever, but I’m very proud of this movie. We won best ensemble cast at the LA Indie Film Fest last year where it premiered and then we recently picked up distribution. Once this pandemic is over that movie should hit screens, hopefully a few theaters, and then some of the streaming platforms. People will see me in a totally different role than Michael Guerin.

C: I can’t wait to see it, that sounds awesome.

M: And then, for the writing, the Mac Miller biopic was the first dramatic screenplay I wrote. It’s funny that the drama that I write gets my writing partner and I all the meetings. We’ve met with some major companies since that script made The Black List, but all the other projects we have are all big studio comedies. We’re even about to finish, here in the pandemic, writing my next movie. We’re about 75% done with that and we’ll have a mob action comedy done within the next few weeks.

C: Oh my god! You’re so productive; it’s insane. It’s so amazing.

M: I just go, go, go, you know? I don’t know if it’s very healthy but it excites me. I live for the excitement. I live for the thrill. I live for the unknown. I was talking to my mom the other day and, I didn’t even know this story, but I guess when we were kids, my sisters and I — if I wanted something, my mom, even before I could really speak, was talking to me, asking questions. She was trying to get me to figure out what I wanted or how to get through a certain situation. If I had a problem with homework and I took it to her, she wouldn’t just do it for me or even just teach me how to do it, she would really push me to figure out how to do it myself. So, I think this feeling that I have really stems from those early days of always having to figure things out on my own. Of course, she would help me if I really, really needed it, but she always made me figure stuff out on my own and I take a lot of pride in that. I like doing that. I don’t know, maybe that’s where the productivity comes or maybe it comes from just not feeling like I’m ever really enough. I don’t actually know, but I know I’ve felt that in certain parts of my life, but I think I’m over that. Yet, the productivity remains.

C: And you can be proud when you make things because you’re actually doing the shit yourself. You’re actually self-made. You didn’t get this stuff handed to you.

M: Yeah, and also, don’t get me wrong, all the work that I do — these are my hobbies. What I do for a living are my hobbies, so I don’t think of it as productivity. I think of it as, this is what I need to do every single day. If I’m not doing something, I feel useless. I’ve had those bouts, and I don’t know if that’s healthy or maybe that is just me. Maybe I am just a born storyteller, that’s what I like to do. I like to sit around with friends, tell stories, hear their stories, figure out the little details that made that story so interesting, and then move on to the next story.

C: I mean, I don’t think it’s necessarily wrong or bad to have a lifeline, especially in a time like that. It’s necessary; it’s what keeps us going.

M: Exactly. At the beginning of this quarantine, we were not writing, we were just figuring out our lives — what are these next few months going to look like? I was depressed. Then we started diving into this script every day and, all of a sudden, I have this purpose again. That keeps me going. That’s definitely helpful for my mental health.

C: I feel similarly about projects. I think I do tie a lot of my self-worth into success or self-defined success which isn’t always great, but it keeps me hustling. I’m never just sitting around like, “Oh, what am I gonna do?” I’m doing the shit that’s in my head and I want to make it happen.

M: There’s something very fulfilling about that.

C: I don’t have sympathy for people who just sit around and don’t know how to start living your life.

M: I know! I used to be that way even more but over the years I’ve realized that people didn’t have parents like I had. My dad was very tough on me, but always pushed me to be the best version of myself — both my parents did. Were my dad’s ways the best ways to do it? I don’t know. If you tell a lot of people how my dad was, they might think there’s some problems there, but guess what? It worked for me. I think about it as these other people who maybe aren’t feeling the same way as I am about productivity, whatever it may be, maybe they didn’t have the drive instilled in them from their parents. Immediately they’re at a disadvantage. It’s hard to judge somebody without knowing exactly how they were raised because I’m really realizing as I get older that that has defined who I am so much.

C: That’s true.

M: I don’t know. I mean, I’m 30 years old now. I turned 30 during the quarantine. I’ve experienced loss in a different way. Swimming up to a body floating in the ocean that you think you’re going to turn over and it’s going to be your buddy just making a goof! Just messing around. Pretending he’s floating in the water and then you turn him around and you realize this is way more serious that I thought it ever could’ve been. Living through a moment like that just makes you feel more and more. A lot of people take a step out of their body and they stop feeling because they don’t want to be heartbroken again or hurt. I’m a little bit the other way.

I kind of step up a little more. I think that getting so deep into that story — it’s a weird story to tell, but when my buddy died in Panama, I was the one that found him. I was an all-state swimmer as a kid in elementary school! Like, fifty-yard freestyle! I was very fast. So I’m thinking to myself, okay, he’s in the water, I’m probably the most capable of saving him, should something actually be wrong. I dove overboard into the ocean and swam as fast as I could into a pool of blood. I found my buddy and it was not a pretty sight. We got his body back onto the boat, got him to the hospital on the island, which looked like a rundown motel in East Hollywood, and he didn't have a chance. And then it’s this group of ten guys, some of us have been best friends forever, some of us just meeting for the first time because, maybe, college friends are involved and invited instead of just the high school buddies that grew up together. How these ten guys banned together and were there for each other to contact the family back in the states, let them know what happened, and go to the U.S. Embassy in Panama, talk to the authorities, the police, the doctors, and really step up. It’s just been an amazing, horrible experience — something I wish on nobody.

But it opened me up a lot and surprised me, especially with my buddies from the Southside of Chicago who I would never, ever in a million years thought would go to therapy. Those are the guys that make fun of therapy, right? Even I did at one point growing up. I thought, therapy? Who needs therapy? And then you go and you realize it’s a really healthy thing! I was really ignorant for thinking anything less than how important it is. But those guys are in therapy now and it’s helping them and I thought that that was such a cool thing to come from that experience. These masculine men who have kind of realized that it’s okay to actually be in touch with yourself.

C: Michael, I’m so sorry that that happened to you and it’s a tragedy that no one should have to experience, but I just want to say thanks for being open about it and being willing to talk with me about it. What you’ve learned from it and how you’ve turned it around and used it in your life and in your art is really beautiful.

M: Thank you. I know my buddy would be very proud, if he’s watching or listening, knowing that I try to make the most out of a horrible situation. That was a lot of what was on my mind during the photoshoot for this and the year anniversary just came up. Sometimes I tell that story and laugh. Such a horrific story but I’m laughing because it doesn’t even seem real! Then I go on a socially distant photoshoot on a trail in the middle of nowhere with Davy; when he asked me about it, it caused me to kind of dive into myself and how I’m feeling. I think a lot of those feelings about my buddy…they didn’t go anywhere, you know? No matter how much I mask them, they didn’t go anywhere. I think a lot of that came in the photos that he took. [Davy] definitely has a special touch for getting the truth out of people.

C: I’m honored that you talked to me about it and that I’m gonna get to show these photos on my website. I’m really thankful and I appreciate you.

M: I appreciate you! I love your interviews, they’re always my favorite. The most raw, organic conversations we can have are what I like and that’s what you do. I appreciate that.

C: Thank you for saying that.

M: Of course.

C: Is there anything else that you wanted to talk about while I have you?

M: I think I should thank anyone who’s reading this that has purchased merch from our second season merch line which just wrapped up a couple weeks ago — thank you so much. We beat our numbers from last year. I thought people maybe had enough merch out of me for once, but we crushed our numbers from last year in just a two week span!

C: That’s amazing.

M: It is so amazing! It’s so cool. I think it’s a big testament to my business partner Jesa Joy, who prints all of my merch and softens every single piece so it feels vintage, one of a kind. People got that merch and it could easily be a gimmicky thing, but instead, we’re really making quality clothes starting with Jesa Joy and that’s keeping people coming back. Hopefully, with how open I am on social media, I think that’s resonating with the fans and they appreciate that so the more I give, the more they give. It’s just this beautiful thing that’s setting me up to potentially have my own fashion line one day, maybe take it from merch to fashion, and that’s a goal of mine for many years down the road. The fact that all of my fans are so supportive and just totally understand my humor and what I’m doing means the world to me. It’s just a really cool thing to see and find success in. Otherwise, I pitched for that TV show, one of my childhood idols, one of the biggest comedic actors of all time, and we’re trying to get him attached to my show. He might say no and that’s totally okay because we got him laughing! He was laughing throughout our pitch yesterday and it felt so special. So, maybe, if we did this interview in a week, I’d have amazing news or maybe I would be bummed out because the guy doesn’t get attached to the show. Either way, it’s been experiences like that, little moments where you’re down, you’re out, you’re feeling depressed, and then you’re making a childhood hero of yours laugh over a zoom pitch. Moments like that have really helped me through quarantine — finding those small, little wins every now and then.

C: The wins are important.

M: And the win isn’t that you win! It’s not the outcome, it’s the process which I always thought was such bullshit. “Trust the process,” and I didn’t want to trust the process! I wanted to make the process! That’s not possible, you know? It’s only possible to a certain extent, you really have to let things play out as they want to and I’m finding the wins in letting things play out the way the universe wants them to.

[themangoyogurt]

Misguided Youth: The Second Misunderstanding

Chapter 2

It was time to atone for the sins of last night, and that meant having to face the mysterious man who both infuriated and intrigued you. And to make things harder, it turns out that his friends were the type to meddle. 

It was time to atone for the sins of your past. Rolling over onto your side, you heaved into a waiting trash can. You felt like shit - both physically and emotionally. You hated being that friend, and Jyn already had enough issues in her life without you being one of them. Making yet another mental promise to get your act together, you reached over to your side table to text her an apology.

Somehow Jyn had been able to deposit your body into bed, and the saint had not only left some aspirin next to a bottle of water, but had also made sure to charge your iPhone. Checking your messages, you almost dropped the device in shock.

General Hux | 9:39 PM | Where the fuck are you asshole?

Big Titz | 11:42 PM | Kyloooo. Come fuck me.

Phasma | 11: 45 PM | Hux said you got your ass handed to you by a girl.

Phasma | 11:46 PM | It is now my life’s mission to meet her.

Big Titz | 11:58 PM | I’ll let you cum in my mouth.

You dropped the phone in disgust. Of course the man from last night would be type to just input “Big Titz” instead of an actual name. What a douche. You’d rather just chuck the damn thing out the window, but unfortunately you’d need it as collateral to get your own phone back. You seriously needed to stop drinking so much. After all, it wasn’t like you had the stamina from undergrad anymore.

Sitting up with your chin perched atop your knees, you tried to shake the demons out of your mind. You were so lost - scared to admit that you only signed up for grad school because you weren’t sure what to do with your life. All you knew was that in the blink of an eye, it seemed like all of your high school buddies were getting married left and right. Doing adult things like joining book clubs, having kids, and arguing over paint chips at Home Depot.

You took one look at the scene and promptly thought “fuck that”.

You parents had been lackluster at best. On bad days, they found amusement in belittling your passions and thoughts. On good days, you were simply ignored. The moment 18 years rolled by, you were swiftly out the door with a one way ticket to New York City. You swore that nobody could ever convince you to have kids. Just in case you were a shit mom and perpetuated the cycle of neglect and pain.

Why did you even bother thinking about your parents? Now you were going to be in a crap mood for the rest of the day. As if on cue, the cosmos decided to add fuel to the fire when you phone number lit up on the glass screen.

Sighing, you picked up with a lazy, “Hello?”

“Is this the bitch who stole my phone last night?”

You immediately swept your feet to the side of your bed to stand up. So the leather jacket clad creep wants to start a fight? You were more than happy to oblige.

“Depends. Is this the old man from last night? The guy who has to prey on younger girls because women his age can see through his bullshit?”

The sound of something smashing echoed in the background, and you couldn’t help but smirk. He huffed, “Just give me my goddamn phone back!”

You snapped, “You’re the one who took my phone. Nobody wants your filthy manslut machine.”

“Whatever. Let’s just meet and get this over with. Can you come down to Brooklyn and meet me at the Starbucks on Bedford and 7th?”

Rolling your eyes, you muttered, “You’re lucky I live in Brooklyn, too. What if I lived on the Upper West Side or something? Also, of all the coffee places in fucking Williamsburg, you want to meet at Starbucks?”

Glass shattered in the background as Kylo seethed, “I’m not drinking the fucking coffee with you. We’re just meeting somewhere public.”

“Jesus. Calm down, I’m just joking.”

This guy could seriously go from zero to one hundred in a flash. You shuddered thinking about someone that huge running around throwing tantrums. You set a time with Kylo for later in the afternoon, eager to get off the phone. You couldn’t resist one last taunt though. Just before hanging up, you teased, “By the way, your friend ‘Big Titz’ sure has a way with words. I can’t wait until she finally gets the Pulitzer she deserves.”

The last thing Kylo heard was your cackle and then the line went dead. He had had remind himself that he was holding someone else’s phone, and he couldn’t slam it down the fire escape. Even if he really wanted to. He stared out the window, still seething with irritation.

Who the hell was this chick? Stomping around just saying whatever the hell she wanted. Kylo huffed and crossed his arms. He hated that despite his general disdain for you, a small part of him was intrigued. It had been ages since anyone worked him up like that. Made him feel anything at all. Somehow, he was already developing an appetite for your snark and attitude.

Maybe he was looking forward to meeting you at Starbucks after all.

He couldn’t wait to push your buttons some more. Maybe, he couldn’t wait to feel you push back.

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.

Kylo felt his chest tighten, and he hated it. The man had half the mind to just turn around and walk home. Phones were overrated anyways. He watched you standing on the street corner, waiting for the light to change before crossing over to his side. You looked like you really didn’t care about meeting up with Kylo, and somehow that managed to bother and fascinate him at the same time.

Your hair was pulled up in a messy top knot - baby hairs sticking up and loose strands framing your cheeks. A thick knit cardigan was slung over your shoulders, but he could see some sort of graphic tee through the opening. Black ripped skinny jeans topped off the look, and heather wool socks peeked over a pair of Dr. Martens that had certainly seen better days.

God, someone this annoying shouldn’t look so cute.

“Hey, you’re actually here on time!” You chirped. Without the influence of alcohol, you were actually in a rather good mood. Kylo’s brow twitched at the assumption that he wouldn’t have been on time. Noticing his balled up fists, you quirked an eyebrow and flatly replied, “Relax, Goliath. I didn’t mean it that way.”

Kylo felt surprise at the fact that you could read him so clearly. Before he could respond, you fished out a black iPhone and waved the device around in his face.

“This yours?” You joked. Kylo huffed and moved to seize it from your fingers. Quickly whipping your hand out of the way you continued, “Nuh-uh. Not until I see mine.” He rolled his eyes and pulled out a similar, yet distinctly more battered, phone. Your lips split open into a wide smile as you swapped devices. Turning it on, you checked your messages and made sure that everything was in order.

“As if I’d snoop through your messages. You’re not nearly as interesting as you think,” Kylo dryly spat.

You looked up from the phone and grinned. “You’re right. I don’t have the pleasure of being friends with ‘Big Titz’.”

“Jesus, again with the name! I don’t even remember her! I don’t think we’ve even hooked up.”

Giving Kylo a look of faux innocence, you replied, “You don’t have to convince me, Kylo. It’s not as if I’m judging you or anything.”

He threw his hands up in frustration and began a sharp retort when a tall blonde woman suddenly appeared and threw an arm around Kylo. Her British accent seemed to dance alongside her jovial expression as she teased, “I hope you’re not punching walls again, Kylo. People Magazine would go nuts.”

Kylo grimaced as a third individual materialized next to him. You recognized him as the “General” from last night. Although he was dressed down in dark-washed jeans and a cable knit sweater, he still held an imposing air around him. Judging by his sharp gaze and rigid demeanor, you could see where he got his nickname from.

The man sized you up, and then a wicked grin spread across his face. Turning to Kylo, he softly spoke, “I didn’t realize that you were bringing a friend with you to brunch.” You quickly raised both hands up and replied, “Oh, no. I didn’t...”

The man quickly cut you off and interjected, “No need to be polite! It’s my treat anyways. A friend of Kylo’s is a friend of ours. I’m Armitage. You can call me Hux, and this is Phasma.”

You looked between the trio - Kylo’s ears were reddened, and you couldn’t tell if it was from embarrassment or anger. Phasma looked like she was eating the whole scene up as her mischievous smile matched that of Hux’s. You really weren’t in a position to turn down free food, and agitating Kylo seemed to be an added bonus.

An equally evil grin spread across your face as you chirped, “Sure! Thanks for the invite.”

Kylo groaned, “Fucking hell.” Everyone ignored him though, and Phasma slipped an arm around your shoulder. Leaning against your ear, she whispered, “So. I’ve been meaning to hear all about how you almost punched Kylo last night...”

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.

“So how long?”

Phasma looked up from pouring syrup on her waffles and quirked an eyebrow. “How long since what?”

“How long has your friend Kylo been suffering from being a total dick?”

Hux choked on his bacon as Phasma burst out into laughter. The blonde reached over and snatched you phone up before inputting her number into the device. “Here’s my number. We’re totally hanging out later, okay?”

Kylo rolled his eyes. “Don’t encourage her. She’ll just develop bad habits.”

You stuck a tongue out at the man and retorted, “Too late for that.” He groaned and speared a sausage with his fork. Watching you joke around with Hux and Phamsa, gave Kylo an odd sense of satisfaction as he watched the natural joy that spread across your face. His friends weren’t exactly easy people to get along with, and he was surprised by how effortlessly you seemed to assimilate into the group.

Phasma was mid-laugh when she noticed the way Kylo was eyeing you. You were giggling over some nonsensical thing Hux was talking about, and didn’t notice how soft Kylo’s gaze was as he took in the way your shoulders would shake every time you exhaled a puff of air. An idea suddenly popped into the woman’s head, when she asked, “Hey, what are you doing tomorrow night?”

Kylo and Hux both swiveled their heads to look at the blonde woman. You shrugged your shoulders and replied, “Nothing, really. Why?”

“Phas,” Kylo flatly interrupted. She turned to Kylo and gave him a defensive stare. Hux responded by nudging Kylo in the shoulder, and you quietly watched as the three seemed to engage in a silent conversation. You guessed that Kylo was the one to relent, because the man slumped backwards into the booth and threw his hands up with a sigh.

The tall blonde asked, “Want to see a show with us tomorrow?”

You pushed a potato wedge into your mouth and nonchalantly shrugged. “Depends on who is playing.”

Hux coughed and you swore that Phasma’s eyes glittered. “Have you heard of K.O.REN?”

Kylo stared at your relaxed demeanor in agitation as you worked on shoveling down more potatoes. He felt completely offended that you were unaware of the fact that you were eating brunch with one of the largest rock bands in the world. They played international stadiums for fuck’s sake, and here you were packing home fries into your mouth like it was your last meal. You shrugged your shoulders again and replied, “Who’s that?”

“Who?! As in you think K.O.REN is one person?” Kylo incredulously spat.

“I don’t know! Karen is a pretty common name!” You defensively retorted.

“Karen? Karen?!”

Hux moved to push Kylo back into the seat while Phasma kneeled over in laughter. Wiping a tear from her eye she gasped, “No. Knights of Ren. Shortened to ‘K.O.REN’. They’re a band.”

Your wide eyes blinked a few times before yet another shrug graced your shoulders. Kylo swore that he was going to lose it. Don’t you use the internet? Social media? Anything? Which rock in Central Park did you drag yourself out of? Noticing that Kylo was about to lose it for real, she quickly continued, “Look. One of my good friends is covering the show and we can get you backstage passes. Do me a favor though, and don’t look up the band prior to going. He’s wants to get some opinions from people who have never heard the band before. Something about a ‘fresh perspective’ or whatever.”

Hux watched in amusement as your fork reached over the table and began to pick at his bacon. The fact that you were now helping the bassist clear off his plate didn’t go unnoticed by Kylo either. Swallowing once again, you replied, “Can I bring a friend?”

“Sure. But you can’t tell her...or him...who the band is. Deal?”

“Deal.”

Phasma gave Kylo a wicked look as she stressed the word “him”. Kylo rolled his eyes and feigned nonchalance. You could bring whoever you wanted to the show. It was none of his business. If you wanted to get drunk and make out with some douche...

He hadn’t even realized that he was balling up his napkin in an angry fist. Her suspicion now confirmed, Phasma quietly began to plot in her head. This was going to be the most fun the woman had since the trio were just teens playing shitty covers in her parents’ garage.

[aliceslantern]

Heartlines, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic, chapter 11--Samhain

Twelve years ago, Xemnas betrayed the royal court of Radiant Garden to his father, Xehanort. Prince Ienzo flees to another city and begins university in the aftermath, hoping the anonymity will protect him from eager eyes with ill intent. The darkness spilling across the country, as well as an individual from his past, cut short Ienzo's new beginning and bring new conflicts to light. Strained between the desires of his magic and his heart, Ienzo's choice will change him forever.

Modern Fantasy AU, Soulmates, Zemyx. Updates Fridays until it's done.

Chapter summary:  Ienzo and company go to a resistance meeting, with many unexpected twists and turns along the way.

Read it on FF.net/on AO3

The next morning, Ienzo was sore; he felt it rather distinctly when he moved. There had been a little blood, the night before, but it had sorted itself out. He did not exactly feel enlightened, merely disappointed. He had wanted it to be good, or at least painless. He considered buying himself a dilator, considered spells. He knew next to nothing about sex magic; should that change? Or was he merely thinking too hard about things?

Likely the latter.

Aeleus was waiting for him at the kitchen table. “Good morning, Ienzo.”

“Hello.”

“You seem tired.”

“I… am.”

He cocked his head. Aeleus looked tired himself. “Is everything alright?”

Ienzo hesitated. He wanted someone to talk to; but how embarrassing was it to admit what had happened? That he couldn’t even have proper sex with his own soulmate ? He also knew the longer his pause went on, the more Aeleus would be concerned. “Something did happen, but it should fix itself.” He hoped.

He nodded. “I know we… are not so close anymore. But know I am a patient ear, Ienzo.”

He smiled. “I know. And I appreciate it.”

Ienzo made them both omelettes. He needed, more than ever, the neat order of cooking. Perhaps he was more upset than he thought; though he did know that increased emotionality was a side effect of his pills.

“Kind of you,” Aeleus said. “You always were a little chef--though your idea of meals back then were a lot less palatable.”

“I’m sure Even’s been feeding you gruel,” Ienzo said.

He cracked a small smile. “He never did see the body as more than a vessel.” For a moment they ate in silence. Then, “Will you come with me to the Samhain meeting?”

“Yes. Moreover… I have… some interested parties.” When Aeleus’s expression did not change, Ienzo added, “They do not know who I am exactly. But these are also magic users. They sense me. And Demyx.”

“I should like to finally meet him.” He twirled his fork idly.

“I don’t think of them mean any ill will. And apparently I’ve met Kairi. Though I do not remember. I never thought I would be an unreliable narrator.” Ienzo shook his head.

“She was only four when she met you --I’m surprised she remembers as well. But given her magic… I’m not surprised.”

“What is her line?”

“It has to do with the heart, and memory. Her power comes from within, unlike yours, which connects you to the magic of the earth."

“...Must be part of why she has a normal hair color.” Ienzo sighed.

“Indeed. Ansem was fascinated by it, naturally. His own heart always  was with the sciences, not… petty bureaucracy.”

“As was yours, if I recall correctly.”

“And now I use that knowledge to undermine Xehanort.”

“If my parents had not passed, I wonder where you might have gone,” Ienzo murmured. “All of you.” This he did not remember at all; their deaths, comparatively speaking, had been mundane. A car accident, of all the things, and Ienzo’s mother had been too incapacitated to use her magic to save them.

“I doubt that would’ve stopped all that came next. Dwelling on it will only cause you pain.”

“...I know.”

Aeleus scooped up the last remaining bits of egg. “When we go… would be best if you wore a hat. Moreover, we should split up.”

“Then what should I tell Riku and Kairi?”

“There’s an abandoned mansion in the woods. Tell them to meet us there shortly before nightfall.”

He nodded. “Right. I’ll have Demyx meet me here.”

“Do you know if the boy has any combat experience?”

Ienzo thought of the afternoon with the Heartless. “I highly doubt it.”

Aeleus sighed. “Very well.”

The rest of the day, Ienzo waited with an anxious excitement for time to pass. His coursework provided little distraction, even though Eraqus had given him an independent research project. He dressed comfortably, but anonymously, and headed down into the basement.

The previous owner or tenant must’ve had plans to finish the space; there was drywall covering the cinderblock walls, but the floor had yet to be insulated. Considering their utter lack of possessions, it was mostly open, empty space other than the water heater. It had a damp, musty smell to it. Ienzo cast an additional ward on the door and sat on the blanket he’d brought down.

He took a deep breath in through his nose, letting himself feel it spread down to his lungs. He tried to slowly wake the magic, but it was a hungry thing, and rose immediately to his skin. Hence, why he’d wanted to do this down here. He kept breathing, trying to keep his thoughts orderly, calm. He could sense Aeleus moving around in his bedroom upstairs; Even was in the study, writing. Once he thought he was sufficiently centered enough, he stood.

When Ienzo was younger, the magic was more volatile, exploding out of him whenever he had a sudden wave of feeling. Sometimes this had a positive or neutral effect; making plants explode into growth, or suddenly having lights fly out of his hands. Others… not so much. Once a temper tantrum had knocked all of the books off of Ansem’s shelves in his study. Controlling it had taken time; and considering how he’d grown up, he’d had a lot of time getting to know his own power. He could make people see things, hear things. Elemental spells came with ease, as well as healing spells. If not for his physical body, his power would be almost limitless.

Ienzo understood why Xehanort wanted him so badly. Ienzo could be a weapon. Else… a threat to be eliminated.

With the magic humming freshly and readily under his skin, he generated some fake Heartless for himself to fight, tossing his own emotions at them to make them unpredictable in this fight--his embarrassment, his shame, his disappointment. This settled… he struck out at them with a sort of fury, the blades of the magic sharper, their color more intense than he remembered. Was it possible that Demyx was not only masking him, but making his power stronger ?

All the fakes gone, Ienzo was breathing hard, and was sweaty. He noticed that the soreness in his hips was gone; the magic had healed it away. He was just wondering if it were worth taking another shower when his phone buzzed.

I’m here. Demyx.

They hadn’t talked too much since their failed attempt at sex, not that it had been long. Ienzo wasn’t fully sure what to say, but he did want to embrace him. He dismantled the ward and climbed back up the stairs. “What on earth were you doing down there?” Even asked, pouring himself what Ienzo was sure was his dozenth cup of coffee.

“Keeping myself limber--the way you tell me to.”

Even just rolled his eyes.

“Demyx is here. Be nice.” He crossed through the kitchen to the front door and hurriedly brushed some of the dust off of his pants. Ienzo heard rain pattering outside; it must’ve started recently. He opened the door.

“Lovely weather, huh,” Demyx said lamely, lowering the hood of his jacket. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

A beat.

“How are you… doing?” he asked.

“Alright, I suppose. Yourself?”

“...Okay. Dunno if I should be nervous for this or not.”

Ienzo ushered him in. The clothes he was wearing were much darker than normal. “All you have to do is look pretty and be near me.”

A sigh. “Yeah. I know. Adventure, and all that.”

Ienzo smiled a little. He leaned up to kiss him once. “One of my guardians will be going with us.”

Even poked his head into the room.

“Good to see you again. Even, right?”

Even frowned a little. “You’re--” He put a hand to his head. “I completely forgot that ruffian we met that afternoon had a name.”

“...And not exactly a common one,” Demyx said. “That ruffian is right here.”

A faint blush rose in his face. “You’d better take care of him,” he said.

“Yeah, yeah. That’s my whole thing.” A shrug.

“I think we’ll survive,” Ienzo added.

Even acted like he hadn’t heard him. “You do realize how important his life is?”

“Do I realize. I was given this , wasn’t it?” He pulled out the pendant. “Look, man. This is the only thing I can do right, so let me.”

Aeleus came down the stairs then. Ienzo didn’t know what he’d expected; Demyx’s free-flowing nature was bound to clash with Even’s anal-retentiveness. “Are you ready to go, Ienzo?” he asked.

“...Quite. Come on then, Demyx.” Ienzo slid his hand into his.

The three of them headed out into the rain. It was a light fall rain, bringing with it freshness and the salt of the sea. Demyx lifted his head slightly, letting it kiss his face. “Rain always makes me miss home,” he murmured.

“I know you are a… seeker,” Aeleus said. “Where does your line originate?”

“Destiny Islands.” The street shone faintly in the rain, especially as the sun set in earnest. Unprompted, Demyx added, “we… were what you’d call sirens. I didn’t even walk on two legs until I was ten. Normally we can shift at will. Normally.”

Demyx hardly ever talked about his past with Ienzo, even since some of his memories returned; he normally focused on more lighthearted minutiae of their days.

Aeleus’s curiosity broke his usual quiet. “What was that like?”

“ Really weird. Everything just seemed so dry , and my skin was so itchy . I felt like I couldn’t breathe. The doctor just said it was trauma.”

“Because you washed up on the beach?” Ienzo asked.

“Yeah,” he said, and his eyes had gone distant. “All of a sudden it felt like… something was missing. That part of me… was just gone.”

“I’m sorry,” he said. “Truly.”

“Have you tried, since then?” Aeleus asked.

He nodded. “No go. Almost drowned myself a few times, trying.” With a laugh, but it lacked humor.

It was a miracle he didn’t resent Ienzo, he thought. Then, given their bond, was that possible? He didn’t want Demyx to hate him. “I have magic,” he said quietly. “Maybe I can fix that.”

Ienzo could see he was trying to bite back the hope. “You think?”

“What’s the point of having this power, if I can’t do anything with it? I will try. For you.”

“Power should always be used to help others,” Aeleus said.

“Is there anything else you remembered?” Ienzo asked in a low voice.

“Mostly just… stuff with my parents,” he admitted. “Just normal… stuff. Are we almost there?”

Ienzo did not push it farther.

The trees of the woods only made the rain louder, the sunset still darker. Aeleus’s flashlight soon became one of their only points of light in this darkness. Demyx squeezed his hand a little harder.

“Afraid of the dark?” Ienzo asked, only partially teasing.

“Nope,” Demyx said, but it wasn’t at all convincing.

The path crossed over with an old cobble road that must’ve been in use when the mansion was active, and eventually opened up into a clearing. The building must’ve once been beautiful, though now it was crumbling and derelict; its turrets had peeling shingles, its wide front windows were filthy and cracked, and the stained glass in its small clocktower had pieces missing. The black iron gates had been opened, leading to a garden with overgrown bushes and marble arches that were falling apart. Ienzo could just barely see Sora, Kairi, and Riku by the front door.

“You made it!” Demyx said cheerfully.

“And now my favorite boots are covered in mud,” Kairi added, with a sigh. “Oh well.”

Aeleus pushed open the double doors. Someone had clearly been through; candles had been lit in the rusty candelabras, and there were footprints in the dirt leading to another room. They stumbled over broken bits of inlaid parquet.

“You guys sure this isn’t a trap?” Sora asked. “Seems kinda creepy to me.”

“It is very safe,” Aeleus said.

“I think between us we can handle a Heartless or two. What, you chicken?” Riku asked.

He flushed. “Am not!”

They followed this trail of candles into a small study which seemed normal until Ienzo noticed the trap floor; only Aeleus’s quick hand stopped Demyx falling down the hidden set of stairs.

“Ever graceful,” Riku muttered.

“Shut up .”

But the steps were strange; jarringly metal and modern, and very clean . Sconces shone dimly in the metallic darkness.

“Let me go first,” Aeleus said. “Just to make sure.” He disappeared into the other room. After a pronounced silence, where they all looked at each other, Aeleus added in an odd voice, “Ienzo? Can you come through--just you?”

“Wait,” Demyx said.

“I trust Aeleus,” Ienzo reassured him quickly. “There must be a reason.”

Ienzo took a few steps… and realized why very quickly. With his magic so close to the surface, he could sense Aeleus’s energy… and the energy of one other.

He thought his knees might give out, and he took another few halting steps. “Father.” It sounded more like a bleat, a cry, then a word. “Father.”

Ansem had aged considerably in the past twelve years. His blond hair, once well-kept, was longer, and there were more wrinkles around his eyes than Ienzo remembered, but the warmth in those eyes was still the same. “Well met, little Ienzo.”

He couldn’t help it. He all but threw himself into Ansem’s arms. Tears he didn’t realize he’d been holding in were suddenly streaming out of his eyes. It shouldn’t hurt this much to see him again. He shouldn’t smell exactly the same, like oranges and coffee.

“I wish I could’ve seen you sooner, child. I know.” He could hear the tears in Ansem’s voice as well. “You’re so tall.”

It took Ienzo longer than was dignified to stem the flow of tears. Finally he did, and pulled away from Ansem at least enough to look him in the eye.

“Look at you,” he said softly. “I can hardly believe it.”

He swiped at his eyes. Slowly, he took off his hat, letting his hair fall back into his normal style.

“You look so like your father.”

“Where have you… been?” Ienzo asked slowly.

“In hiding. Much like you. But I have been… trying to devise a way for us to be together again. That starts here, with this resistance.”

“You’re its leader?”

Ansem laughed; Ienzo realized he’d forgotten what it sounded like. “Heavens, no. I’m not certain one could say we have a leader. Even so… I wish for you to have a good life, Ienzo, and for our people to be safe. This is one of the ways to do so.”

“Are you… disappointed in me, then?”

“Why ever would I be?”

Ienzo found it hard to meet his eyes. “Risking myself… for whatever might come from this?”

“Not at all. Your determination to make change is admirable.”

A beat of silence. Ienzo did not know what else to say. “I am… tired of waiting around,” he said. “How can I simply go to school while the darkness advances? While Xehanort wreaks… what kind of hell?”

His expression darkened. “Yes… I believe they were going to speak on that tonight.”

“...Quite.” He paused. “Moreover…” He reached into the collar of his shirt and pulled out the pendant.

“Oh…” Ansem sighed. “Child, you must understand… they promised you protection. I did not know--”

“It came with a body? Even said the same.” He ran his fingers along the glass. “He… is here with me.”

“That is a comfort. And I understand… you may be resentful. Naturally so.”

“My life has been without choice. Of course I want to do something now.”

A small smile. “Of course.”

“Would you want to meet him?” Ienzo asked.

“...Alright.”

Ienzo felt oddly numb as he climbed the stairs. The others were waiting patiently; Kairi was braiding Riku’s long hair as they watched something on Sora’s phone. Demyx, on the other hand, had an anxious, pinched look on his face. “Are you okay?” he asked instantly. “You look like you’ve been…” He reached out to touch Ienzo’s face.

“Come with me.” He took Demyx’s hand and led him down into that metal room.

Seeing Ansem, he gasped. “Oh--uh--your majesty--” He bowed a little.

“None of that,” Ansem said. “My name is Ansem. A king in exile is no king, is he?”

Demyx’s smile was very nervous. “This is why you were upset.”

Aeleus, who had been tactfully silent, finally said, “I didn’t want to say something sooner… lest it didn’t pan out.”

“Thank you, Aeleus. I know this was difficult.”

“Sorry--I’m just shook,” Demyx said. He pressed a hand to his forehead. “I mean, I knew you were the prince and all, but like--”

“...The prince?” another voice said from the stairs. Riku crossed his arms. “Sorry to crash the party, your majesty.”

They would’ve found out at the meeting, but Ienzo felt the chagrin anyway. Ansem sighed.

“Oh my gods!” Sora’s hands snapped to his mouth. “You mean this whole time you’ve been--”

“I kinda knew,” Kairi said, with a shrug.

“You knew and you didn’t say anything?”

Ienzo’s blush deepened. “Yes, yes, king, prince. We’ve got it.”

Sora frowned. “But if you’re the prince--where’s the princess?”

Ienzo cocked his head a little.

Comprehension dawned on him. “Oh! Sorry, I--”

“It’s okay. And I presume you know you must all carry this secret with you.”

Riku chuckled a little. “Why wouldn’t I? Things just got interesting. Though I’m surprised you got this one to keep a secret.” He thumped Demyx on the shoulder.

“Ow! Hey--”

Ansem laughed too. “These are the reinforcements Aeleus told me of, then.”

Ienzo shook his head. “Quite.”

He approached Kairi. “It is good to see you’re well. And your parents?”

“They’re good too.”

“We should head in,” Aeleus said. “It’s getting late.”

The next room was yet more metal, glowing panels on the floor adding extra light. A handful of people were already there; a woman about their age with a long brown braid, a young man with a scar across his face, a middle-aged blond man, and of all people--

“ Yuffie ?” Demyx asked.

“Guys! Hey!” She was cross-legged on the floor.

“What are you doing here?”

“ Resisting . Duh.” She rolled her eyes.

“But how long have you--”

Her cheer faded a little. “Since my dad died last year,” she murmured. “I kinda took it up for him.”

Yet more voices from the doorway. “Sorry we’re late,” a woman said. “Believe it or not--the train was delayed.” She had a bright blue bob. With her was Even, carrying papers and looking pissy.

There were a lot of people in this small room now. Ienzo knew that soon the air would probably start feeling stuffy. He had so many questions--for them, for Ansem, about this place, about Xehanort, about… everything. All of these magical fields brushed up against his, making him anxious.

Demyx rubbed his arm. “Power, huh,” he muttered. “Yuffie. Who would’ve thought.”

“Can we come to order, please?” the scar-faced man asked tiredly. “Lot of new faces today. I was asked not to point out the obvious about our special guest, so I won’t. Why don’t we go around and introduce ourselves?”

They did. Ienzo learned the blue-haired woman was Aqua, their longtime contact; she gave him a little wink.

“Why are we in this creepy basement?” Sora asked.

“Lotta power in this room,” Riku told him. “Being underground helps keep it from being too obvious. The metal does too.”

“The girls are keeping watch upstairs,” the woman with the braid, Aerith, added. “They’ll let me know if they sense anything.”

The circle had reached him. Demyx gave his hand a small squeeze. Ienzo looked towards Ansem, who nodded once. Not only was he outing himself as royalty, but he was also quite literally outing himself.

Get over it, he thought to himself. These people all knew some level of persecution; would they truly care about gender? “My name is Ienzo,” he said in a low voice. “But more likely… you know me as Ansem’s adopted child… _____.”

He kept his eyes on the floor as the revelation filled the space, a mixture of surprise and smug knowledge in equal parts. He saw Even’s lips flatten into a thin line, his disapproval clear. But he did not protest.

“I hope I may be of use to you. My power. I am tired of hiding and taking advantage of your good grace. Part of this havoc is because of me. I can’t lie back and take it anymore.”

The blond man laughed. “Well, we’re lucky today, ain’t we,” he said around the toothpick in his mouth. “Not one, but three bluebloods. I see you there, Miss Kairi.”

She blushed.

“All that power means something,” Aqua added. “Given Ienzo’s reach… if you’re truly willing to do this…”

“A trump card to turn the tide?” Leon asked. “That would be nice, wouldn’t it?”

“I am willing.”

“It might give people hope, to know you’re still alive,” Aqua said. “If not the public… than the very least the other members.”

“That this fighting isn’t for nothing?” Ienzo sighed. “I hope so. Tell me everything. Please.”

Ansem had said there was no leader; but the man named Leon seemed to be most comfortable doing the talking. He outlined the situation for Ienzo; Xehanort so far was determined to take the nation city-state by city-state, spreading his darkness across the nation from one coast to the other. He seemed to have created a second front as well, moving down towards them from the north. Hearing the casualty reports was… sobering.

“Why is nobody reporting this at all?” Ienzo asked.

“The masses would panic,” Aerith said. “Not to mention… where would they go ? Twilight Town is safest at the moment.”

“And the governments are just lying like dogs?”

“It seems… to a degree… Xehanort is willing to see some kind of reason,” Leon added, his lip curling. “If a city surrenders to him… he does apparently offer some kind of protection to the civilians.”

“The trolley problem,” Riku muttered. “Better a few die than all.”

“Quite,” Aeleus said gravely. “Moreover… what of these Heartless? They’ve been breaking through the city wards, and apparently beginning to show some kind of sentience.”

Aqua touched Even on the shoulder; he nodded once. “I’ve been looking into that,” he said. “I’m afraid… the truth is not for the faint of heart.” Ienzo cocked his head; Even scowled. “What? Child, you don’t think I sit around all day doing nothing but wait for you to come home?”

Yuffie tittered. Ienzo’s face heated.

Even gathered himself; his face lost all expression. “Heartless are supposed to be merely shadows, but the information I’ve been gathering… is worrying, to say the least.” He shuffled through some of his papers. “There have been… disappearances, if you will, in these areas noted to have higher than normal Heartless populations. At first, it seemed as though these individuals were simply being consumed, as Heartless are wont to do, but… these Heartless are chatty. They mention something about their hearts, about hearts pulled from bodies… and knowing what I know about a person’s heart and the way it is expressed through the aura… My working hypothesis is that these Heartless are being created from humans. Though how… I’ve yet to determine. Darkness can break physics, but so far all the casualties from Heartless have just been… bodies. I’ll need to study further.”

There was just silence for a long time. Ienzo looked at his palms. That Heartless he’d killed before he’d run into Dilan had been a person… he’d killed someone. A hot rush of nausea nearly brought tears to his eyes.

But they were suffering, he thought quickly. Then, could I have helped them become human again?

Even let out a long breath. “Moreover… there’s some circumstantial evidence that Xehanort… is using some of my own personal research to forward his agenda.” He grit his teeth. “ That I cannot let go of.”

“What kind of research?” Leon asked.

“I was looking into ways to create artificial bodies… to help those who have lost physical functioning. It was all theory , and yet… Cid found some concerning surveillance footage in Radiant Garden proper.”

“The replicas…” Ansem murmured. “You don’t think--”

“I’ve no idea what he would need bodies for , nor do I know how he’d animate them.” Even was really getting agitated now.

“Someone has to find out,” Aqua said. “I could investigate and report back.”

“And be safe about it,” Leon said. “If this is possible… we need to know.”

There was a pronounced silence. “Could I do something with my power?” Ienzo asked.

“No,” Even and Ansem said at the same time; Even locked eyes with the king once, his expression growing pained for a moment before smoothing to neutral. “No, it’s simply too dangerous for you,” Even finished. “They’d sense you in a heartbeat.”

“Even if I went with him?” Demyx asked, the fear in his voice audible.

“It’s not worth the risk.”

Ienzo’s fists clenched in his lap. “So what can I do,” he said softly.

Leon’s blue eyes (a cool blue, a normal blue) met his. “I’m wondering…” He began, drumming his fingers on his notebook. “How does your power… work with electronics?”

“I’ve no idea,” Ienzo said honestly, his curiosity piqued.

“Cid,” Leon said, still holding Ienzo’s gaze. “See what you can come up with about the network.”

“Shit, now that’s interesting,” Cid said. “Right on.”

“So should I connect to this network,” Ienzo said. “What then?”

“Think that depends on the true extent of your power. But potentially… well. Hope I haven’t gotten too rusty at hacking.”

Something to hold onto. “Right.”

The meeting ended not long after that. Ienzo was reeling--between the information about the Heartless, and seeing Ansem again, he had no idea how he was supposed to feel. The others broke off, to talk to Leon and see how they might be of use; Demyx squeezed his hand. “Guess I married up,” he murmured.

Ienzo smiled wearily. He could see across the room Even and Ansem in conversation, their expressions sharp, serious. After a moment, Ansem reached out to touch his arm. “Go on,” Ansem mouthed towards Ienzo. “I’ll see you soon.”

Though Ienzo was loath to listen, he also knew that Even and Ansem deserved a proper reunion as well. He let Demyx guide him out of that stuffy room, back up the stairs, and out of the mansion. It was fully night now. “Samhain,” Ienzo murmured. “I wonder if we’ll see any spirits along the way.”

Demyx shuddered. “I dunno. Not sure I want to find out.”

He exhaled. “You’re right--it’s after dark. We should go home.”

They headed back towards the forest. The rain was heavier now, the darkness thicker; Ienzo lit a small orb in his hand to guide them back onto the path. Demyx shuddered.

“It’s alright, if you’re scared of the dark,” Ienzo said. “Fine, especially now.”

“Some protector I am. Can’t even stand the dark.”

There was a whisper behind them, a crunch; Ienzo turned. “Must be one of the others.”

“Are you… sure?”

“Take a breath. It’s okay.” Still, Ienzo moved a little faster. The whispering got louder.

“I don’t know,” Demyx said, with a trace of panic.

“We’re nearly back on the street. They’ll be repelled by the light.”

The whispering surrounded them, a heavy smell of smoke, making the light in Ienzo’s palm dim. Ienzo let the magic wake further, and found to his shock there were more Heartless than he thought.

“I can… I can take them. Don’t worry.” But Ienzo had never seen this many Heartless at once; he had no idea why he hadn’t sensed them before.

There was a jammer.

“Saїx,” Ienzo whispered. “Oh--Ansem.”

“The others can protect him. We need to get out of here.”

“Stay near me. I’m going to… take care of them.” Heartless being made from people.

Ienzo… hesitated.

It was this hesitation they sensed, and they descended onto them, snuffing out his light entirely, shadows screaming.

Find boy find boy

Help me

Who’s the other one?

It’s hurting hurting hurting

Make it stop. Make it stop.

Where’s my wife?

“Ienzo, maybe you should do something?”

It felt like something was tugging at his magic, making him feel weird, weak, numb--

“Ienzo!” A more desperate cry.

“I can’t--I feel--” He tried to conjure magic with his palms, but it was hard to breathe.

“ Ienzo .”

A burst of light, a smell of the sea, and suddenly Ienzo was even wetter than before, and on the ground. Demyx tapped his face; he was doubled, dizzy, his phone flashlight throwing his face into sharp relief. “Demyx? What…” He struggled to sit up.

“I… I did magic, I don’t know how--they’re gone. The ones I didn’t kill I ran away.”

Ienzo tried to gather his strength. The magic seemed to be returning, so slowly… “I smell… vomit.”

“That was… me. I’m sorry. Just--thinking about what Even was saying--”

“Killing people,” he murmured.

“But they’re not people, they were screaming in pain, I heard it--”

“You did the right thing,” he said.

Demyx helped him up. “It was… water,” he said breathlessly. “Water, and… and light, I--I didn’t even know I could--”

“A latent power.”

“Triggered by you,” he mumbled.

“Maybe you… can get your powers back.”

“We need to get home,” Demyx said. “I… I don’t like the look of this place.”

“I hope we were the only ones attacked,” Ienzo muttered. He had to lean on Demyx heavily. “My fathers…” He pulled out his cell phone to text them. The bright screen sent a finger of pain through his right eye, and suddenly everything went black.

[ice-cream-nekogirl]

A Peeping Tom and a Bird Documentary (Tokoyami Fumikage X Reader)

Summary: Summer’s coming up and that’s the perfect time for swimming! But Tokoyami catches you staring at him at the pool...

ARGH I’m still recovering from Game of Thrones... and hating how sad it all is rewatching old episodes... but loving the more heartwarming moments that we managed to get in the show... so... I’m paying homage to one of those scenes!!

Featuring: Emo Birb boi!!

Summer break was coming up once again, and you were pretty ecstatic. Not today though, today was actually pretty boring.

At least until the ladies had decided that it would be nice to use the school pool, and the guys had similar ideas. However, thankfully you and the girls had remembered to always keep covered up when in the presence of a certain little pervert, and you all gladly denied that stupid Mineta the opportunity to see you all dressed in your swimsuits by wearing the school swimsuits instead. Kaminari looked so innocent, but you couldn’t give the cute ones too much privilege.

“Hey (Y/N)! C’mon and play with us!” Mina cheerfully suggested but you chuckled a little bit and gave her a crooked smile.

“Oh sure… I’ll come to you gals in a minute… right now I’m just chilling… and checking our guys out…” You very quietly mumbled that last part to yourself.

As much as you hated Mineta, in a way you weren’t exactly innocent yourself since while the girls were busy playing around you kept low in the water with only the top of your head and eyes visible, paying close attention to the guys on the other side. Of course, you respected the hell out of them, they were each powerful and amazing individuals, but you had to appreciate how pretty they were too. 

Each of them were built in several different ways that you really liked, and it helped that the past year of training had helped them gain a little more muscle and tone their bodies. Especially Kirishima, Bakugou and Kaminari, three of the most attractive boys in your class in your opinion.

Kirishima had a nearly perfect body complete with a sweet nature and endearingly sharp teeth that any lucky girl or guy would adore. Kaminari might have been a flirt, but damn he was one attractive blonde and had a magnetic (pun intended) personality that would lure anyone in. And as much of a jerk Bakugou was, damn he was like a male version of Regina George. Had a great physique, beautiful blonde hair complete with his army of skanks that consisted of Kirishima, Kaminari and Sero, except they weren’t skanks.

But that’s besides the point, the point was that physically, Bakugou was nearly perfect, and then there was his personality, you couldn’t lie, his confidence and badassery were very attractive traits that shined through his overall appearance.

And you couldn’t deny that Sero and Shouji both looked fantastic too. Who said Sero was plain? He was super cute and really fit-looking and his permanent smile just made him even cuter, and Shouji was ridiculously attractive to you, sure he might have had more arms than the average person, but each of them were muscular to match his athletic physique and then his gentle nature despite his appearance just made him even more endearing in your eyes.

However, another one of your classmates caught your eye: The Prince of Darkness himself, Fumikage Tokoyami. He was perhaps the most interesting student in your class, close to Todoroki in your opinion. Whereas you could read subtle hints about Todoroki, Tokoyami was more of an enigma. A strangely alluring enigma.

Sure, he might have had a crow’s head, feathers, beak and all, but the rest was all human, he himself was a human, he just happened to look like a crow, but it was only the head even though you thought a pair of wings would have looked awesome for him.

His body was definitely human as you couldn’t help but analyze how well he was built despite being rather thin and small compared to the rest of the boys. If anything, his thin, short stature was really endearing to you. Damn, where did those muscles come from? His training with Hawks you assumed, but the more you stared the more enamored you were starting to feel. Part of you wished that you could touch those arms of his, his body was beautiful…

It help that you thought crows and ravens were some of the most beautiful birds because of their unique elegance, which Tokoyami brought with him every time you would look at him,  yet the times you interacted with him made you realize that he was a bit of a dork despite the aloof and mysterious allure surrounding him. But that just made him cuter in your eyes. He was more than just a guy who looked like a crow, he was an interesting human being and oddly a very captivating one.

Closely, you looked right at him to check him out and size him up. There was something about the raven that fascinated you. Not just his appearance but his quirk too, personally you thought it was an incredible and useful quirk that you envied somewhat.

Given that your quirk only let you generate and manipulate aspects of light, which was a total contrast to Tokoyami’s Dark Shadow, which was a manifestation of elegant darkness and was fueled by darkness itself. He was your opposite in many ways, and yet he didn’t cease to enrapture you with his mysterious personality.

“Wow… Tokoyami looks even more awesome than normal…” You thought to yourself as you enjoyed the boys doing their little pissing contests, and especially Tokoyami just chilling out and subtly hanging out with the quieter boys Shoji and Kouda.

Meanwhile, Tokoyami was only mildly amused by his classmates’ antics and enjoying the company of his closest allies Kouda and Shouji, and yet he couldn’t help but feel like he was being watched somewhat.

“PSST! Hey Tokoyami! Check it out! (L/N)’s staring at you!” Dark Shadow spoke to him via telepathically, much to his annoyance. At least until he registered just what his quirk was telling him. “What are you talking about?”

“Turn around!”

Tokoyami sighed in annoyance, wondering if his shadow was just messing with him as he did turn around to humor him, but he saw your (E/C) eyes peering right at him. His expression didn’t change but he was slightly surprised to see you of all people looking at him, except he noticed that you weren’t really gawking at him. Your eyes told a story, as if you appeared almost interested in what you were seeing from him. Secretly, he hoped that was the case…

And you gasped as soon as his sharp, scarlet eyes met with your eyes. Nervously, you tried to glance away but Tokoyami wasn’t deterred by this action as he looked at you curiously, and wondered what you were playing at. Being stared at was something he was used to, but part of him was still hoping that maybe you didn’t mean to stare…

You contemplated on sinking in the water as you prayed that he looked away and lost interest, but you looked over at him again and came into contact with his red eyes yet again. There was nothing you could do to look away this time now that he caught you staring like some sort of weirdo…

Except he didn’t look put off. Confused and uncertain maybe, and yet for some reason he couldn’t quite pull away from the stare that yours and his eyes were locked in.

“She’s totally checking you out!” Dark Shadow made it worse by putting that thought into his head, and at first Tokoyami didn’t believe him. At least until he did notice that you were kind of looking at his physique, and not just his not-so-human features. He almost felt a little self-conscious, and a little tempted to turn away in an attempt to cover up somehow when he realized that you were definitely looking more at his physique rather than just his head. 

That was strange. Mostly people just noticed the head and not the body, and he didn’t know how to feel about that. All he could do was slowly pick up a towel, bringing it over his chest in a vain attempt to cover up, but not once did he take his eyes off of you.

You were totally caught staring, and the water did nothing to cool down your blushing cheeks that grew hot with every second spent with Tokoyami’s eyes on you. However, a sudden impact hitting the side of your head tore you free from the stare as you grunted in shock before turning to see what had hit you. And it was the volleyball your friends had been playing with.

“Oops! Sorry (Y/N).” Jirou’s voice broke you out of your daze as she sheepishly apologized with a guilty look on her face for having hit you. But you weren’t angry at all, in fact, you couldn’t be more thankful that she distracted you from Tokoyami and saved you from your super awkward stare-down.

“N-No problem girl! Ahahaha…  it ain’t your fault! I shoulda been paying attention! Now c’mon! I’m ready now let’s play!” You suddenly exclaimed with reddening cheeks complete with an awkwardly wide grin that confused your fellow girls, but they decided to just let you be as they happily played with you once you spiked the ball for them.

While Tokoyami blinked a little bit, secretly glad himself that neither you and him were just staring awkwardly at each other anymore. Although he still wondered, what had compelled you to look at him like that? There’s no way you were ‘checking him out’ as Dark Shadow had accused, maybe you were looking at something else and he just happened to be in the way of it. No one ever checked him out, not while he looked like a bird. He might have had a human body, but he was still sure that no one would check him out like that…

He somewhat hoped that you were, but his insecurities wouldn’t let him believe that.

No matter how interested you might have looked...

30 AWKWARD MINUTES LATER…

“(Y/N)~! You perv~!”

You made the mistake of confiding in Mina after you all got out of the pool, and she couldn’t help but play around with you a little bit as you shouted lightly in frustration, face red with embarrassment as you put your hands on your hot cheeks. “I know! I’m a pervert… a total peeping tom… I’m no better than that little fucker Mineta… come to think of it… why ain’t he outta here yet? Shinsou’s in the course now shouldn’t Mineta like… I dunno be out of here by now since the former is like… SO much more deserving.”

The truth was you were attempting to change the subject, but surprisingly, Mina knew better, “Well Shinsou makes the class even now but you can’t distract me that easy~!” She giggled, and your face darkened even more as you groaned a bit, “I was just kidding~. It’s not like we can help when we think a guy or a girl is hot… the difference is that you were admiring him, not objectifying him like certain people.”

Wow, Mina was smarter than she let on, and she was your best female friend so she knew exactly what to say to you. “Yeah… I never want to objectify Tokoyami… he’s… my friend… at least… I hope we are… we’ve certainly talked… at times… but… I would like to get to know him better…” You mumbled softly. There was nothing you could do as your face might as well have caught flames by now. “And then some…”

“Oooh la la~. Somebody’s got a cruuuuush~!” Mina sang cheerfully as you glared at her a little bit, sticking your tongue out. “Tch… okay so I like the guy… not like he’ll like me back after he caught me staring…”

“Well it’s not like you were watching a bird documentary! Everything else is all a human body!” Mina reassured you though when she thought you sounded insecure and you were a bit… but then you thought about how good he looked…

“That’s not just body… that’s body-ody girl…” You nodded a bit more suggestively the more you thought about how strangely hot and attractive your raven classmate was. But your embarrassment resurfaced when Mina started to squeal, “EEEEE! And that’s why you have to talk to him! Just try it! I’m sure he’ll be flattered! He really don’t look like he gets a lotta attention like that…”

That wasn’t the nicest way to put it, but Mina had a point. Not everyone found humans with a bird’s head attractive…

Did that mean maybe you had a chance? You hoped so…

Ultimately you knew that Mina was right, so you sighed and said that you would go talk to him, but the first thing you wanted to do was at least apologize to him for being a weirdo as you left the girl’s locker room. Hair still damp but you were sure that you didn’t completely look like shit.

Or so you thought until you saw Tokoyami in the hall with his things, obviously getting ready to go to the dorms. You were positive that neither of you would interact in the dorms after such awkwardness. So, you had no choice but to go to him first.

“Tokoyami.” It took all of your courage just to approach your classmate, since you were pretty sure he thought you were a weirdo or a pervert after he caught you gawking at him at the pool.

Tokoyami stopped momentarily in his tracks as he turned to face you, obviously not having forgotten that you were definitely staring at him not too long ago. “Good evening (L/N).” His tone was polite yet monotonous. He still wasn’t sure how to feel about it but he wasn’t going to confront you about it; it wasn’t anything he wasn’t used to.

“I’ve come to apologize.” You then said rather quickly, which just further surprised your crow-headed classmate, but his stoic expression didn’t make it obvious. Tokoyami wasn’t going to hold this against you since it wasn’t the first time someone’s stared at him, although the way you looked at him was a little different compared to how others have stared at him. But he couldn’t give himself high hopes that you were looking at him in an almost admirable way.

“You don’t need to.” He replied to you calmly, not expecting anything else from you as he prepared himself to keep walking.

“I hope I didn’t freak you out or anything.” But you spoke again, and because he didn’t want to be rude, Tokoyami stood to hear you out. “You didn’t.” He said to affirm that you didn’t exactly unnerve him or creep him out.

After that there was just silence, and it was feeling super awkward too. Of course, that was to be expected since Tokoyami wasn’t much of a talker, but you were still kind of worried that you didn’t get all of your feelings across… including some new feelings you were starting to become slowly more aware of the more you glanced at how cool and strangely beautiful he was.

“You know…” You started off, which made him glance your way so that way you knew he was listening to you. “Today I realized something… these days we’ve spent together in class… like at the Sports Fest and during our study sessions… we don’t really know each other that well… do we?” You wondered out loud, since although you respected Tokoyami, you knew that you hadn’t truly gotten to really know him as well as you wanted to. Especially with all these new… feelings you were starting to experience more and more for the aloof raven.

“I suppose we don’t.” He agreed with you as he began to think about that. For all that he’s known you as a classmate, he didn’t truly know you as much as he probably would have wanted to. Tokoyami respected you despite the sheer differences you both shared regarding quirks and personality, and he thought you were much more tolerable compared to some of his crazier classmates. Yet you were still fun, you seemed like a fun person, something he didn’t really consider himself to be...

“Yet they’ve been a hell of a ride. The USJ thing, and the whole Summer Camp thing that happened a while back? Who knows what else is in store for us?” You wondered outloud, feeling a rather warm, cerise blush heating your face when you prepared yourself to say this next thing. “But I hope… that gives you and I a chance to… get to know each other even more ya know? I’m… not saying that for any calculated reason or anything though. I’m not that smart… I… would actually like to get to know you more… you’re one of my cooler, nicer classmates…” Chuckling a bit, you smiled sheepishly at the boy who seemed to pay more attention to you as he turned his head slightly to look at you better.

He saw your expression, not a glimpse of deceit, maybe a secret but it wasn’t anything that made him feel suspicious. Tokoyami didn’t get conversations like this a lot though, this was completely new to him. “I believe you.” He finally said after a pregnant pause between the two of you passed.

“You’re not manipulative or deceptive. I trust you (L/N). You are… a classmate I feel I can rely on and feel more… comfortable with. Even though we haven’t gotten enough chances to get to know each other… I would like it if we did.” Tokoyami almost felt nervous saying these words to you, as they came from how he actually felt about you, and catching you looking at him admiringly seemed to trigger more nerves and newer emotions he hadn’t really felt before. Sure, he was initially shocked by what happened at the pool just recently, and yet for some reason…

He was happy? That you were looking at him like that…?

And you blushed quite madly when hearing him say that he actually trusted you, a giddy glee building in your chest that made you force back any big grins or squeals that wanted to escape your throat. “Hee~… I trust you too… and… wow that’s… awesome…” Still you couldn’t help but giggle, feeling so much more relieved that he wasn’t put off by your staring, and you swore you saw him smile at you just a little bit.

“Ah… but… still…. I’m sure it was weird to just have me staring at you like that, like some weirdo so… I’m sorry for that Tokoyami. I’m sorry for… gawking… instead of talking first.” You let out a sigh as you started blushing, keeping your eyes low as Tokoyami looked at you with slight awe.

“That’s all right.”

He was so thankful that his feathers could hide any blush he could feel on his cheeks, “I’m... I’m glad... I’m glad that you saw me (L/N).” Tokoyami finally admitted when he accepted that you were looking at him with interest. And it actually made him really happy...

Your eyes widened slightly as your cheeks turned red again, shocked but relieved and yet you were just as happy and ecstatic that you had to NOT squeal again. “M-Me too...!” You beamed with the most cheerful tone that made Tokoyami’s heart flutter  a little bit the more he looked at it. Such light his guarded heart had never seen or felt before...

"Would you... like to walk to the dorms together?” Tokoyami was amazed at how difficult it became to just ask such a simple question, and how he could practically hear his heart drumming when your smile seemed to grow. “Yeah! Totally~! I can also tell you about this new horror movie I feel like seeing, I’m sure you’ve heard about it too the commercials are blowing up on TV... and I ain’t talkin’ about Toy Story... which is a bit scary in it’s own right when you think about it...”

But Tokoyami was thankful that you started talking about something he enjoyed, and knew exactly what you were talking about. “That’s right. I want to see that one too. More demons and ghosts. And a doll that also comes to life... in a much more different manner than Toy Story...” He almost sounded enthusiastic when you talked about the new Annabelle movie...

However... even though he tried to talk to you... his shadow was starting to snicker, ‘I told ya! She likes you~!’

‘Dark Shadow!!’

At least he was still able to talk to you, and you were so happy that you finally got  to talk to him more, even if it was after staring at him. Maybe you would finally get to know him better, and become something more.

[keelywolfe]

FIC: Blow By Blow ch.5 (baon)

Summary: Set the day after ‘With Brotherly LV’. Jeff is having his first day working at the Embassy, Stretch is having a bad anxiety day, Red is having a bad text day, and Edge is just having a day.

Tags: Spicyhoney, Established Relationship, Prejudice Against Monsters, Angst, Injury Recovery, Hurt/Comfort, LV Issues, Brother issues

Notes: My timeline is getting a little wonky due to a few drabble sets and shorts. So this chapter directly follows With Brotherly LV

Part of the ‘by any other name’ series.

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4

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Read Chapter 5 on AO3

or

Read it here!

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When Edge turned his car down their street, he was not expecting to see Stretch and Red standing on the porch together. It sent his hackles up immediately. Red had seemed amused earlier, but he was ever mercurial and his moods could change quickly.

Stretch’s back was to the road, but Edge saw his brother’s eye lights flick briefly to him. It was impossible to know what they were saying without one of Red’s little bugs, lip reading wasn’t much use for those who lacked lips. But their stances were loose and casual, hands either in pockets or holding cigarettes. That Stretch was standing was also good sign, at least. Red hated when anyone crouched down to his level, and Stretch was perfectly fine with doing it just to annoy him.

They were bumping fists as Edge pulled into the driving, Red stepping back and vanishing before he could even open the door, sending his options for questioning down to one.

Stretch turned towards the driveway. In place of his bathrobe from that morning was an older hoodie of his, ratty and well-worn and track pants in the same state. On his feet were fluffy blue slippers. Comfort clothes that often made an appearance during his darker periods of depression.

It was not entirely a surprise to see, but the sight still ached.

He stayed where he was, crouching to tamp out his cigarette into the mostly-full ashtray on one of the steps. The fleetingly wary expression that crossed his face made Edge’s soul clench. He was afraid, not of Edge—

(no, never, he never had been)

—But of what Edge being here might mean.

Edge was more accustomed to Stretch flinging himself into his arms than he was to him staying on the porch to shuffle his slippered feet uncomfortably, hands shoved into his pockets. “hey, i didn’t go looking for him, he came here. i didn’t even text him again, so i didn’t break my promise—“

Normally, Edge loved to hear Stretch’s chatter; not now when it was struggling to be equal parts defensive and apologetic.

Edge strode rapidly up the walkway, only making it up the first two steps before cupping Stretch’s still moving jaw in both hands to draw him down into a kiss, cutting him off mid-babble. Surprise melted quickly away and Stretch matched it, sharing a quiet sigh between their mouths. He draped both arms over Edge’s shoulders, letting Edge take most of his weight as he leaned down into him.

Breaking it was done with the greatest reluctance and Edge didn’t let go, whispered to him, “Come on.”

He climbed the last porch step, sliding past Stretch to tug him into the house. Only to grunt in his own surprise when he was pushed back hard against the door as soon as it was closed, Stretch’s mouth on his again, hot and eager.

His mouth was always temptation itself, but Edge knew this distraction, Stretch trying to bury his fears beneath sex.

He thought fleetingly of the incident on the bus a year ago, was it only a year? Of Stretch’s fear after being attacked, his desperation.

Sex wasn’t the answer then and it wasn’t the answer now. Carefully, Edge twisted away, “Stop.”

That was enough for Stretch to freeze. He raised his head, stricken, and Edge touched his cheekbone, rubbed a gloved thumb along the line of it. “I want to talk.”

It shouldn’t be amusing the way Stretch visibly deflated at that, the last balloon the day after the party, but Edge kept his face impassive. He toed off his shoes, leaving them in an untidy pile on the mat before tugging Stretch over to the sofa.

The television was on, playing old reruns of Mythbusters. The volume was low, but it hardly mattered. Stretch could almost recite them by memory, loved all the episodes. Another sign that he was craving comfort, along with the rumpled blanket left on the sofa cushions.

Edge took a moment to turn the television off before he sat. Stretch flopped down next to him, but Edge didn’t allow him to slump back. Instead, he pulled Stretch into his arms, lying back until they were sprawled together across the cushions, Stretch mostly on top of him with his skull settled on Edge’s ribcage. They were more on the blanket than not, but there was enough to pull it over them, tucking it in around them until they were tangled cozily together.

For a long moment, Edge only held him close, basking in the feel of Stretch’s light weight against him, the sweet aroma of his magic. Sex might be off the table, but like hell was he withholding his affection.

Until Stretch shifted, asking hesitantly, “edge?”

It was almost strange to hear his name; he was so accustomed to Stretch’s various pet names, from simply ‘babe’ and into the territory of absurd.

"Sometimes it’s easier for me to talk about certain things when you aren't looking at me," Edge admitted. He kissed the top of Stretch's skull. “Besides, I like holding you."

Stretch nodded a little, deliberately snuggling in closer. “i’m sorry about earlier,” he mumbled, “it was stupid, i’m really stupid sometimes.”

Gently, Edge rubbed a hand down Stretch’s spine, feeling every individual bump of his vertebrae through his sweatshirt. “Rus? Can I ask you to do something?”

He squirmed, asking with a note of curiosity, “yeah?”

"Please, try not to talk about my husband that way.” There was a faint hitch in Stretch’s breathing, hardly more than stutter. Edge only kept up with rubbing his back soothingly. “I wasn’t lying to you earlier, but you were right, I’ve been withholding the complete truth. And I can’t complain about you not telling me things if I’m doing the same thing.”

“you don’t have to—“

“Hush,” Edge said, but he softened it with another kiss on top of his skull. “Yes. I do.

With his teeth, he took hold of the fingertip of one of his gloves, peeling it off. Carefully, he took one of Stretch’s hands in his own, bones scraping lightly as their fingers entwined. If Stretch didn’t have a choice about showing his vulnerabilities, then the least he could do was offer one of his own.

Quietly, Edge told him, "You've always been the most complex puzzle I've ever found."

He could feel Stretch smile, imagined the wry twist of his mouth. "wow, thanks."

"You're welcome because it's meant as a compliment,” Edge said, unapologetically. "I may not have liked you when we met, but you've always fascinated me on some level." Stretch shifted uncomfortably and Edge sighed. "That sounds cold, I know, but it’s the truth.” He slipped his hand beneath Stretch’s shirt, still-gloved fingertips gentle as he pet his spine in small, soothing strokes. “To be honest, it’s difficult to remember now how it felt not to love you. But I spent all afternoon trying to solve this new puzzle you've given me, and I think I have."

"i don't think i gave you a puzzle?”

"Just because it wasn't on purpose doesn't mean you didn't. And I came to realize that you don't lie to me when it benefits you. You lie when you think it's best for me."

"edge…" Weakly, unable to protest.

"I understand it," Edge told him, because he did, all too well. "I do the same. But it doesn’t work, love. You can't protect me from…well. You. And I don't want you to. I love you, all of you, and I'm not about to start picking you apart now to play favorites. I chose some time ago to love you as a whole. So what I'm asking is for you to try to be truthful with me. I'll try to do the same."

"okay." No promise, but that was all right. Edge wasn’t about to demand one that Stretch might not be able to keep.

He sighed, heavily, because this was a truth that needed to be said even if he didn’t want to. “I’m not sure what Red’s told you, so I’m going to start from the beginning.” He closed his sockets, trying to choose his words carefully. “I've been struggling with my LV lately, you know that much. It's always something I've needed to keep a tight control on, but this flare up has been particularly difficult. Seeing An…Jeff,” he amended, but he felt Stretch's reluctant smile. "Seeing him hurt, being unable to protect him was upsetting, to put it mildly. Especially knowing it could have been you."

"babe—“

Edge interrupted him, gently, but firmly, "I know you'd like to tell me that you wouldn't have been hurt, but this is how I feel, you can't argue that away."

Stretch nodded reluctantly, his cheek dragging against Edge’s shirt and Edge continued.

"Once it’s aggravated, it takes time for me to get it back under control and until then, my temper will be short. It’s especially bad when I wake up in the middle of the night,” Edge hesitated, because he didn’t even like thinking it, forcing out. “I've been worried about hurting you."

He had to tighten his grip, holding on as Stretch tried to squirm away and there was a note of real anger in his voice, “no. no, no, no, you would not hurt me, you'd never hurt me."

"And I don't want to hurt you. But accidents can happen.” It was difficult to say, and Stretch went still as Edge deliberately traced a path down Stretch’s face where he’d had his own bruises once. “It has happened and that was only from you startling me when I hadn’t been struggling. Love, I’m not exaggerating when I’m saying this is a bad one. I was close to suggesting you stay for a few days with Blue, just in case I lashed out at night."

That smaller voice, filled with unhappiness was not one he associated with Stretch, not in a very long time, “you’ve never hurt me while you were sleeping."

"Never isn't forever,” Edge said. But he gave Stretch a gentle squeeze. “And that would certainly be a last resort. I'm not about to ask you to leave our home, not if I wasn't sure it was necessary.”

“I’m telling you all this because you need to know, and it ties in to this.” Edge drew their joined hands up to his face, held them lightly against the bruises, “Sparring helps me deal with it. Exhausting it would be a good way to describe it, I suppose. I didn’t lie about that, Red and I were sparring. But I think perhaps it’s not in the way you’re familiar with.”

"if you need someone to spar with, i could help?” A little uncertainly.

"No," Edge said immediately. The very idea made a lick of heat flicker in his soul. "It's not that I don't appreciate the offer, love, but…I couldn't bear it if I ever hurt you." he said, quietly. "I could not. And I think struggling with the idea I might would make sparring with you pointless. Red and I have sparred since we were children, and I still worry I might hurt him, but I’m familiar with his attack style enough that it’s less of a concern."

And I don’t want you to see me like that, but that was a truth Edge would not be sharing.

The temptation of Stretch’s hand so close was impossible to resist. Edge pressed a soft kiss to his knuckles, speaking against his palm, "I know you're concerned that he's attacking too hard. He can't go easy on me, or it won't help, and I'd rather endure a thousand bruises like this one than ever hurt you because of a LV flareup."

“but it’s helping?”

“Some,” Edge admitted. “And once we see Alphys tomorrow, that’s one less worry to stir it up.” He hoped.

Stretch ignored that, finally twisting away from Edge’s hold to lean up on an elbow, his gaze intent. “look, i don’t know if this would help, but. have you ever thought about talking to a therapist yourself?”

Every part of him unanimously and vehemently rejected the idea. But that wasn’t fair to Stretch, not when he’d been the one to insist Stretch go when he was struggling. Even if the idea of confessing to anyone things that happened in Underfell held no appeal.

“I’ll consider it,” Edge said reluctantly.

That seemed to be enough to satisfy him. He flopped back into Edge’s arms and if he was clinging a little too tightly, Edge didn’t protest.

“There’s one other thing I want to say,” he drew Stretch in close, whispering into his audial canal, “I need you to know that even if we argue, even if I’m furious with you, you could never make me push you away. You could never make me leave. It’s easy for me to say, but I think it’s hard for you to believe.”

“i don’t…”

“That’s all right, you know. It is. I’ll simply keep saying it and eventually it’ll stick. All right?”

“okay,” Stretch agreed, grudgingly, “is that everything?”

“I think so.”

Stretch shifted, craning his neck so that his chin dug uncomfortably into Edge’s ribcage. He met Edge’s gaze, eye lights pleading as he asked hopefully, “then can we have sex now?”

Edge chuckled and hugged him hard. Stars, he loved this idiot so much. He let his voice drop into a husky murmur, “I can’t think of a reason not to.”

With a little effort, he helped Stretch wriggle free of the blanket, grunting as he caught an unruly elbow in the ribs. Until Stretch was straddling him, grinding their pelvises together through their clothes.

That talk was one of the most difficult parts of his day, but losing himself in both Stretch’s body and his love was the simplest.

For a time, there was nothing but delicate bone against him, soft cries that poured free, unashamed and lovely.

When they were straining together, dripping with pleasure and sweat, Edge whispered desperately to Stretch, pleading hoarsely, “Let me see your soul?”

His love never hesitated, offered him that silver purity without a hint of LV, and he held it carefully in his bare hand, reverently. Held it as his husband gasped and quivered, held it as he collapsed against him, until it finally faded back, leaving Edge both content and bereft.

“I love you,” Edge whispered, the easiest truth to share, loved this precious, foolish, wonderful person.

“love you, too,” Stretch mumbled, more breath than words.

Edge only held him impossibly closer and believed him.

~~*~~

TBC