#it’d be even funnier if dani was there too

[undertheredhood]

imo, danny fenton and jason todd (and before anyone gets the wrong idea, i do not ship these two characters at all) meeting each other would be so hilarious because all danny would need to do is look straight at jason and say “you’ve died too?” for jason to immediately start panicking.

[leupagus]

Mardia & Me: A Mistake of a Friendship

We should probably stop doing this but lol:

leupagus: **slides into the chat on special ergonomic kneepads** The Good Place AU Ted wakes up to a sign saying "Hello! Everything is jim dandy, Miss Brandy"

mardia: Oh NO

leupagus: And an odd, long-haired man is smiling at him from across the desk, explaining to him that he's passed away but has ended up in The Good Place

mardia: AHHHHHHH

leupagus: "and thank goodness! for that!" the guy chirps And he leads Ted around on a tour of the Place, talking about how everything is sports-related here, because of course Ted loved sports so much! then he introduces Ted to his soulmate, who is of course Rebecca and Rebecca is the one who confesses that she doesn't belong here, all the while Ted's like "oh god but it's me" can't decide who's funniest to be the other pair, or maybe have two other pairs since the rules are made up Roy needs to be one of the demons who plays Janice tho

mardia: DANI Also petition to have Edwin in there He can be Tahani

leupagus: lollllllllllllllllllll yes

mardia: Also I think Ted would be the one to figure out this is the bad place Because he’s very good at people And it’s one thing when HE’S miserable but seeing everyone else be miserable is what might kick it over

leupagus: I'm just trying to figure out what would be funniest from a like, Ted/Trent angle like is it funnier if Ted gets suspicious or funnier if he's like GASP

mardia: Funnier if he’s suspicious Because Trent would be underestimating him

leupagus: TRUE

mardia: And be mad that of all the humans, it’s THIS ONE that’s the closest to figuring it out? REALLY?!

leupagus: omg and the realization could be like, a version of the darts scene also Rupert is definitely a fellow demon I really want Nate to be one of the humans too, and he kind of has a Tahani trajectory? Only he applies to be a demon

mardia: Ooooooh

leupagus: but in the way of like - the way the show eventually ends, with demons just being another job where you're prodding people into becoming better versions of themselves

mardia: Oh yes He’d be great at that

leupagus: because like Nate's gift for understanding people's weak spots would make him SO EXCELLENT honestly I want the himbos to be demons too but like, dissatisfied ones

mardia: That would delight me

leupagus: like they don't LIKE being mean! even though chasing people through the pits of hell is really good cardio

mardia: POOR DEMON HIMBOS

leupagus: OK so it's Ted and Rebecca and Edwin and Nate and Keeley - hmm if all the himbos are demons then Sam can't be one plus it'd be extra hilarious if all the hetero couples are like "actuallyyyyyyyyyy" because we could make this Rebecca/Keeley on the other hand lol there are like three women on this show I feel like Sharon would be the funniest

mardia: Sharon would be Over It!

leupagus: Because Sharon and Edwin like I M A G I N E

mardia: I AM and it’s hilarious

leupagus: also Nate and Keeley being "soulmates" would actually be fascinating because Keeley definitely has been through the ordeal of someone being into her and she has to humor him etc

mardia: Mmmhmmm

leupagus: and this would be like, "but he's your SOULMATE" I feel like it would be funniest if the only soulmates to actually work out is Sharon and Edwin because she's like WELP NO ETHICAL PROBLEMS IN HEAVEN WITH DATING YOUR PATIENT

mardia: THERE YOU GO

leupagus: because she definitely makes him get therapy

mardia: Oh 100%

leupagus: and they're both prickly and hateful about each other for a while and then oops it's love

mardia: Also petition for Sam to be a spy from the actual Good Place

leupagus: YES PRETENDING to be a demon

mardia: YES

leupagus: because WHAT is this all about

mardia: except he accidentally causes a rebellion among all the himbo demons

leupagus: YES accidentally which makes it money

mardia: He wasn’t even TRYING

leupagus: he was just being SINCERE about how this is an unjust exploitation of their labor

mardia: meanwhile Trent keeps having to reset everything And every time Ted figures it out Or Keeley

leupagus: YES also since Dani has to be a himbo demon, I now want Mae to be Janice

mardia: Ooooooooh yes

leupagus: because Trent and Mae = instacomedy IDK where Beard comes in - ooh what if he's still alive and Ted misses him so checks in on him on the regular leupagus: and he's not doing great

mardia: Oh poor Beard

leupagus: like he's still coaching in Wichita the team's won another season but he's just very sad and Trent is like, you know we could always kill him and then he could be happy up here! and Ted's like OK WELL THAT'S ANOTHER ONE ADDED TO MY LIST OF SUSPICIOUS AS HECKY-DARN IDEAS

mardia: And Ted just STARES at him

leupagus: Trent: what?

mardia: Trent giving himself away bc he keeps getting emotionally invested in Ted No matter how many times he hits the reset button! Oh god what if one time everyone has an orgy and Trent’s so jealous he gives the game away and resets it all

leupagus: HAHAHA he definitely sets it up for one time he's Ted's soulmate Ted figures out it's the Bad Place in the FIRST DAY Trent's so mad but he actually does get invested in all of them finally and gets on their side but is still pining like, he thinks maybe Ted and Beard were soulmates, if there's such a thing so when he lets them go back to the living world he like, sets them up very very carefully Also Trent still has a daughter in this her name changes with every reset she's actually a demon but like, a baby demon

mardia: Oh no, BABY DEMON

leupagus: you can tell there's a reset because she's got a new name Trent's got a battered old baby names book that he uses, because that image is funny as fuck one of the times Trent is trying to seduce Ted, Ted spies it on his bedside stand and is like "why are so many of these names checked off?" and Trent's like "NO REASON" and tries to distract Ted with his dick I'm thinking the first time Ted figures it out, Trent is just really annoyed and then like the second or third time, Ted confesses that the way he figured it out was that he kept thinking about Trent instead of about Rebecca

mardia: !!!!!!!!!

leupagus: and Trent is like "...REALLY" and snaps his fingers to reset because now he's got a PLAN to SEDUCE TED TO ETERNAL TORMENT and also get some dick

mardia: AHAHHAHA

leupagus: so like Trent seduces him a LOT of times before he's like "but I think... I like him" and so decides to try a variation where he's Ted's soulmate and then Ted figures it out in one day

mardia: The OUTRAGE

leupagus: and then - I don't actually remember how Ted Danson comes over to their side in the show

mardia: I believe it’s bc he’s about to get caught out by his bosses

leupagus: right so Rupert like, shows up which IDK how to finagle him being Rebecca's ex and being a head demon but that's a future problem lol what if Bex is also working for the good place and they're both trying to like convert the other anyway who are the hooligans maybe they're the gatekeepers and Trent keeps bribing them with random football memorabilia and Mae can be the judge anyway they all go back down to earth and Ted is like, married to Michelle - we'll figure out how he died/how Trent changes the timeline later and back with his bff beard but like he keeps feeling like he's missing something meanwhile Trent and Will and the himbos (who have all come over to his side by now) are like watching intently and worried sick about everyone and Trent is ike HEARTBROKEN because he violated the primary demon rule! never fall in love!!! and he's thrown it all away for this GUY with a MUSTACHE

mardia: BABY

leupagus: All I want is for it to end with Trent going down to live a human life - is it more chest-clutchy if Ted goes with him

mardia: Yes

leupagus: or if Ted is like "I'll be waiting for you when you come home"

mardia: OH OW FUCK I PLAYED MYSELF

leupagus: like Ted wants him to have this experience! like the one thing Ted has more knowledge than Trent about is being human

mardia: The second is more heartbreaking

leupagus: agreed

mardia: But I also feel like Trent would absolutely not go without Ted Like, after ALL THAT

leupagus: well what about THIS so like we put in shades of the show, where people decide to leave/die for real/etc

mardia: Sure sure

leupagus: like rebecca goes first then edwin, etc nate stays to do demon work keeley stays to do angel work etc etc so trent is like - watching ted, terrified, because eternity just works... differently for demons

mardia: Ooh ok

leupagus: so anyway Trent keeps watching all the humans eventually peace out and eventually talks to Ted about it (after like 17 jeremy bearimys) and ted is like, no, I'm still happy here, happy with you happy to have my son with me and all the people I've loved it's just that so much of my life-life was about looking forward to things so many tough times were made better by the idea that it would... get better and now things ARE better, and sometimes that's a little  bit...bad and trent is like... I don't understand do you want me to torture you or something

mardia: Lol

leupagus: we still have the racks and stuff and ted is like "...thanks but no" so they continue on, and trent thinks about what an actual life would be like like on earth, like how humans work - he's always been so curious about it but he stil doesnt' erally get them and one day he kind of brings up the idea and ted is like, "honey that's an AMAZING idea, let's do it for sure"

mardia: Awwww

leupagus: but ted's like "I'm not coming with you, though" like Ted is very firm that this is something Trent has to do on his own which Trent is like, UH NO NOT LEAVING YOU UNSUPERVISED??? but ted's just like you'll just have to trust me honey and eventually trent gets over his nerves and abandonment issues so he goes to the... gate? I don't remember how it worked on the show, however that happened and at the last minute trent is like "you have to be here when I get back, you have to promise me" and Ted just smiles and shakes his head and says, you couldn't get me to leave for anything in the world or the afterlife or all of existence, honey because now I've got something to look forward to THE END

mardia: YES okay I dig it

leupagus: lolol now I don't have to write it! thank you

mardia: Okay but you COULD THO

leupagus: I could! but I won't

[thiswasinevitableid]

Study Buddies (Sternclay)

I got several requests for this prompt as a meet ugly for Sternclay: you caught me doing something a few weeks ago but didn’t report me and now you’re trying to blackmail me into secretly tutoring you even though you and your friends have always been assholes, no I don’t ‘owe’ you.” Fill is SFW

“I saw that.”

Stern freezes, hand still on the now-shut back door, “saw me putting out the garbage?”

“Nope” his coworker Barclay rumbles, “saw you taking the leftover pastries and giving them to the homeless guys who hang out in that plaza.”

“A few of them were from that batch you baked three hours ago, they were barely old, going to waste was ridiculous.”

“Yeah, but you know Haye’s rule about that.”

“Yes, and I think it’s ridiculous too.” He crosses his arms, staring up at Barclay and daring him to tell him it isn’t.

“I agree. But you still got caught.”

“By you, not by him, now move so I can start wiping down the tables.”

“What, uh, makes you think I’ll keep my mouth shut?”

Stern turns, startled, “are you trying to fucking blackmail me?”

“No, uh, I mean-” Barclay’s gaze darts to the front of the coffee shop, where his friends make several encouraging motions.

“Of course” he groans, “Christ, Barclay, I didn’t think you’d stoop this low.”

“Look” the larger man takes a step, bringing him into Stern’s space, “I have a massive midterm paper due in a few weeks, and I need help. Big time.”

From this distance Stern can smell laundry detergent and burnt sugar, see a pleading tint in those deep brown eyes. He wants to punch him in his aggravating, handsome face.

“You owe me, Stern.”

“Like hell I do.”

“I’ve covered your ass more times than I can count when you’ve run late because of your internship.”

“And I’ve covered your ass all those times you were late because you were giving your friends rides.” He jabs his finger into Barclay’s chest and his hand is instantly enclosed in one of Barclay’s own

“I don’t want to tell Hayes anything, Stern, but I really, really don’t want to fail this fucking class.”

“Fine. I’ll help with your essay.”

“Not just mine, my friends need help too.”

“Oh no, no chance, deals’ off.” Stern pulls his hand away, “I can tolerate you, but they” he points to the group still sitting at the table, “have been nothing but awful and rude to me”

“They’re not-”

“They are too that bad, at least to me.”

“No, that’s not what I meant. It wouldn’t be those guys, it’d be some friends of mine from the LGBT center on campus.”

“Fine. But if one of those ones shows their face, I leave. Shake on it.”

Barclay talks his hand again, shakes it, and tells him to be at the LGBT center at 7 p.m tomorrow. 

--------------------------

Stern arrives at five til, finds Barclay sitting on a beanbag chair near a low table with four other people. One, a blonde girl in a green dress, pops up and walks over to him. 

“Hi, can I help you?”

“I’m here for him.” He points to Barclay.

“Oh! You’re the essay guy.”

“Yep, that’s me.” He smiles as politely as he can muster and joins her at the table. 

“Glad you came.” Barclay smiles at him.

“I didn’t have a choice.” He glares and the smile disappears.

“Everyone, this is Stern-”

“Joseph. Most people call me Joseph.”

“-and he’s gonna help with the midterm essay for our comp class.”

“Sweet!” The other girl at the table, black hair streaked with red, raises her hands triumphantly. 

“Do all five of you need help?” Stern looks around.

“Nope, just me, Duck” she points to a stocky guy in a Yosemite’ shirt, “and Barclay. Indrid and this cutie aren’t in that class.” She kisses the blonde’s cheek. That makes Indrid the guy with messily dyed silver hair and sketchbook, who’s currently laying with his head in Duck’s lap.

“Alright, that’s not too bad. Does someone have the assignment?”

Duck pulls it up on his laptop so Stern can read it. 

“Okay, so, it’s time to start outlining how you want to approach your topic.”

“Uhhhh.” Barclay looks at this friends, who shake their heads.

“None of you have a topic yet.”

“Nope.”

“When is this due?”

“Three weeks from yesterday.”

“And it’s worth how much?”

“45% of our final grade.”

Stern allows himself a few moments of vicarious stress, then gets to work. By the time the center closes, they all have topics selected, and Stern has instructions to come back on Monday.

He does just that, comes back Wednesday too. By Friday, he’s learned that he and Duck actually share a chem lecture and that Aubrey has many classes in the same building he does, as she always waves to him when they cross paths. On Friday night, he arrives to help them flesh out their outlines. 

“Colors?” Aubrey says as she braids pieces of twine while studying her notes for her midterm. 

“What?”

“Your pride colors; I’m making bracelets for everyone because it helps me focus.”

“Oh, um, trans pride ones. Please.”

“Good, already got those out.” She slides a pink, blue, and white bracelet across the table to Duck.

Barclay arrives with cookies, and they settle into their usual working rhythm, Stern bouncing between the three to see what they have and offering editorial advice. He’s sitting shoulder to shoulder with Barclay, enjoying the contact more than he cares to admit. 

“This is a little clunky here, I think I see your point but it’s getting lost.”

Barclay taps the table, then deletes and re-writes the section. 

“That’s way better.”

“What can I say, got a good teacher.” Barclay smiles at him, subdued yet charming, and Stern’s heart flips several times before he whacks it into submission. 

A week later, he turns up at the center to find the room rearranged and a larger group present. There’s a screen hung up on the far wall and Dani is tinkering with a laptop and projector. 

“I think I missed a memo.” He says to Duck as the other man is pouring two cups of soda. 

“Yeah, we decided to have a movie night and watch Dracula’s Daughter because Aubrey insists it’s a gay classic.”

“It’s quite good. I’ll, um, I’ll just head out then.”

“Y’know you can stay right? You ain’t just essay help, you’re our friend.” Duck gives him a look stuck between reassurance and concern.

“I guess I can, since I have tonight blocked off.” He goes in search of a seat and finds the only free spot is, of course, directly next to Barclay. 

Dani dims the lights and the move starts. There’s a rustle near his lap.

“Popcorn?” Barclay whispers. 

“Sure, thanks.”

As the movie plays on, their hands keep going for popcorn at the same instant and bumping each other. A few weeks ago this would have annoyed him to no end. Now he just wants to hold his hand. Barclay is different around these friends; gentler, funnier, his generosity given plentiful outlets. He’s been different at work too, less inclined to needle Stern and more interested in talking with him as they clean than in enabling his friends to stay late and make a mess. Stern’s noticed said friends do their fair share of shit-talking Barclay, the larger man seemingly so used to it he doesn’t react. But more and more Stern sees the flashes of exhaustion and hurt on his face. 

“You're not their servant, Barclay.”

“I know, I’m just being helpful.”

“That was half your cut of the tips they scammed off you.”

“It’s fine, Stern.”

“But”

“It’s fine.”

The group opts to watch Frankenstein meets the Wolfman next, and Barclay adjusts so his hand is flat on the ground on the other side of Stern. Stern leans to the side, resting against him, and lets himself pretend he could feel this safe and wanted all the time. 

----------------------------------

“Stern, wait up!” Barclay catches up to him as he walks home. It’s Wednesday night, meaning everyone’s essays are finally finished. When Aubrey asked if Stern was going to keep hanging out with them, he said he’d have to see about his schedule, and ignored the fact she knew he was lying. 

“What was that line about your schedule? You could still make time to hang out with us.”

“I’ll come back when you all need help on your finals.”

“....do you seriously think that’s all we care about? All I care about? Stern, they really like you, and it seemed like you were getting along with everyone.”

“I was, and I do like them. But I can’t keep being around you.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” Barclay steps in front of him, barring his path. 

“It means that I like you too, but am well aware of how you really feel about me. You act kind, you talk to me like I actually matter, like we’re actually friends, but deep down I know you still think I’m uptight and nerdy and deserve to be mocked for it.”

“I don’t, I swear” Barclay puts his hands on Stern’s shoulders, voice earnest, “I like you a lot, I’m so fucking glad we started hanging out more, I, I really care about you.”

“Care about me? How the fuck am I supposed to believe that when you still won’t even call me by my name!” He hisses, not wanting to wake the nearby apartments. 

“I...I was just using it like a nickname. I didn’t know it bothered you. I’m, uh, I’m sorry.” He looks genuinely chagrined and the fire in Stern’s chest flickers out. He stares at the ground, not knowing what else to do.

“Joseph?”

He looks up in time to see Barclay bend forward, bringing their lips millimeters apart.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Do you” he exhales so intensely a nearby moth gets blown off course, “do you really want to?”

“Haven’t been able to think about anything else all night, babe. All week too.”

Stern closes the distance, Barclay’s hands gripping his arms when he does. The kiss is the sweetest thing he’s ever tasted and he lifts his hands up to Barclays cheeks, stroking them in a plea for more. 

Barclay obliges, slides his hands onto his back and pushes him forward, sighing soft and shaky when the kiss deepens. When it ends Stern stays put, rests his head on Barclay’s shoulder as he hugs him, shuddering with want.

“I gotcha babe, don’t worry.” Barclay pets his fingers through Sterns hair.

“Not worried your friends will see us?”

“Fuck ‘em. They were guys I knew in high school who knew how to manipulate me and I can do better. Like you, for starters. Plus Dani thinks their dicks too.”

“Knew there was a reason I liked her.”

“Now, if those friends saw us, we’d know because we’d hear Aubrey yelling ‘called it’ from a mile away.”

“Not that I’m opposed to sidewalk hugging, but it’s getting kind of cold.”

“C’mon” Barclay kisses his forehead, “let’s get you home.”

“Feel like joining me for some ‘coffee?’” Stern makes air quotes as Barclay takes his hand.

“Hell yeah I do. Can think of a lot of places I’d like to put cream.” 

“Not just yet, big guy, though I appreciate the enthusiasm.” Stern pauses his walking to kiss him, “tonight I think you and I have a make-out date on my couch.”

Another kiss, full of promise and the barest hint of heat, “sounds good to me, Joseph.”

[demon-animatronic]

Imagine Dani showing Wally some memes after he asks her about them. He then proceeds to quote memes nonstop for nearly two weeks until she finally takes him aside and asks him to stop.

It’d be even funnier if they are outdated memes too XD. She enjoys it at first but then starts getting annoyed while everyone is still trying to figure out what a me-me is lol.