#it’s all happening at one fucking venue. ceremony; meals; drinks; everything

[fingertipsmp3]

The amount of people who seem to enjoy spending time with a lot of people for a long period of time baffles the shit out of me man

[oskea93]

Two Ghost (2)

“You look absolutely stunning.”

I couldn’t help but blush, reaching my hand across the table, intertwining mine and Ryan’s fingers. “You look handsome as well.”

He gave me a smile, bringing my hand up to his lips, “I can’t wait to marry you.”

“I can’t wait to marry you either, Ryan.”

4 months.

Ryan and I were to be married in four months. Every little detail was being taken care of courtesy of the wedding planner I had hired. I wanted this wedding to be special, nice. Seeing as this was my first “official” wedding, I wanted everything to be perfect. I wanted the perfect venue, an amazing reception area, the delicious cake, and my handsome groom waiting for me at the altar. I didn’t have to worry about rival gang members interrupting the ceremony or my groom getting ushered away due to “club shit.”

“Are the girls staying the night with Gemma?”

I took a sip of my water, shaking my head. “No-”I started. “She’s supposed to be dropping them off when dinner is over. Charlotte has a doctor’s appointment tomorrow.”

“Maybe this weekend we can have some alone time.” He spoke, wiggling his eyes brows in a suggestive manner.

I couldn’t help but laugh, “We’ll just have to see about that.”

Silence overtook us once our meals appeared. We made small talk, telling each other how good the food was, finally settling on the check. I watched as Ryan removed his platinum credit card, giving the waitress a smile as she walked off with the payment.

“You sure you don’t want to let Gemma take the girls for the night?” He smiled, reaching for my hand.

I entwined our fingers once again, pulling at his hand, “You know I can’t, baby.”

I had told Ryan from the very start of our relationship that my kids were number one. I wasn’t the type of mother to push them off on other people just because a new man came into my life. Ryan would press every now and then, seeing if I would finally buckle. Unfortunately for him, I wasn’t going to buckle to no one when it came to Charlotte and Sophia...

The car ride home was silent, but a comfortable silent. I watched as the big city lights grew dimmer the closer we got to Charming. The small town coming into focus in the windshield giving me a sense of calm. Even though Ryan was a Hale, he wanted as far away from Charming as possible. He didn’t want to stick around like his two older brothers. He had seen what Charming had become in the past decade and the people that had overtaken the streets. The Hales and SOA were bitter enemies, Jax and Ryan included. The two men had grown up around each other, often getting into fights growing up. From what I heard from Ryan, as soon as he turned 18, he packed up his stuff and left Charming. He didn’t come back to the town until his brother’s untimely death, which he of course blamed on the club.

“You want me to walk you in?” I turned my attention to Ryan as he placed the car in park in front of my house. “You know, make sure there’s no boogeyman or anything.”

I leaned over the center consult, pulling his chin in my hands, placing my lips softly on his. The kiss was slow, sweet. Kissing Ryan was like kissing a soft, fluffy cloud. His lips were tender and plush. Sure, there was the occasional nipping or eagerness, but kissing Ryan felt safe.

“Goodnight, babe.” I pulled away with a smile.

I gathered my things, removing myself from the luxury vehicle. “I’ll call you when I get home.” Ryan smiled. I simply nodded my head, closing the door behind me as I started making my way towards the front door.

As I entered the house, I placed my things down on the entryway table, kicking my heels off to the side. I looked down at my watch seeing that I had at least 30 more minutes before the girls would be home. This was my chance to get a quick shower and get things ready for bedtime. I made my way up the stairs, bypassing my bedroom and went right for the shower. I stripped out of my dress, folding it, and laying it on the counter. I washed up real fast, skipping my hair since it would take too long.

Once I was dressed in my pajamas, I made my way to each of the girls’ rooms, picking out their pjs and getting their beds ready for bed. Hopefully, they would be out when Gemma drops them off but they could also be wired for sound. I would have to be the bad guy and put them to bed after Gemma allowed them to do whatever the hell they wanted at her house.

I ventured down the stairs as headlights flooded through the windows. I slipped on a pair of flip flops and walked out to help get the girls in. Instead of being met with dark curls with streaks of blonde, the blonde, slicked hair of Jackson Teller shown dully in the light of the street lamp. Jax and I stayed silent as he passed me Sophia. I watched from behind as he unbuckled a sleeping Charlotte, carefully removing her from the car. We made our way into the house, carefully taking both sleeping kids up to their bedroom. I almost wanted to forgo putting them in their pajamas since they were sleeping so well. I didn’t want to wake them up, especially Sophia, who became a little gremlin if woken up before time. Thankfully, Jax was able to get both girls into their pajamas and tucked into bed before I could lift a finger.

I made my way down the stairs and into the kitchen, filling the tea kettle, placing it on the stove. I had my back turned, reaching for my cup when a familiar set of hands latched onto my side. “How’s the fiancé?”

I stayed silent for a moment as his lips softly moved from my shoulder up to my neck. He followed the tattoo pattern that was inked in my skin, setting fire to the artwork.

“Fine.” I breathed out.

“Just fine.” He continued to tease. I moaned out loud as his hand crept under my shirt, running his callused hands up and down my side.  

The sound of the tea kettle began to whistle, snapping me out of my lustful thoughts. I quickly pushed away from the counter that Jax had me trapped against and removed the pot from the heat. With shaky hands, I poured the boiling water into the cup, dousing the tea bag in the liquid.

“We gonna talk about what happened the other night?”

I stayed still, watching as the steam rolled off the cup.

The other night.

What happened between Jax and I the other night was one of the reasons why I dreaded seeing him. I was in a vulnerable state that night. I had too many glasses of wine and Gemma was watching the kids for the night. I didn’t expect anyone to come over, especially not Jax. I had just gotten out of the bathtub, only wearing a robe when I answered the door. From what I remembered, Charlotte had left Bullwinkle, her stuffed moose and was now refusing to go to bed without it. Jax showed up, looking like he always does, and next thing I know my robe is off and Jax and I are going at each other like wild animals. I don’t know whether it was the fact that I hadn’t had sex in months or the fact that I was drunk and Jax and I were alone. I woke up the next morning feeling like shit and Jax sleeping next to me.

“I was drunk and that’s it.” I turned around. “It was a mistake and it won’t happen again, okay.”

Jax looked at me for a moment, a Cheshire grin spreading across his face. “Caroline, you weren’t that drunk.”

I looked down at my painted toes, heat spreading across my face. “I had a couple glasses of wine before you even showed. It was a spur of the moment kind of thing and that’s it.”

Jax let out a laugh, his fingers pulling at his unkempt beard. “You make it sound like it was a random hookup, like you and I don’t even know each other.”

I rolled my eyes, taking a sip of my drink. Ever since I met Jax, he has driven me absolutely crazy. I fell in love with him the very first moment I met him, even having sex with him within an hour of knowing him. I was young, naïve, and looking for a way out. I knew I didn’t belong at that bar, I wasn’t like the girls that worked there. I knew that I needed better in my life and being a “hang-around” was not going to be my destiny. I had heard about the infamous Sons of Anarchy, especially Jackson Teller from the other girls. Most of them knew them on a personal level and had certain favorites. Before I even met him, the girls told me to stay away from Jax. He was a whore and was only looking for someone to keep his dick warm for the night. Well, being the naïve 18-year-old I was at the time, I was willing to be that person. From the moment I saw him walk into the bar, I was smitten. I didn’t even care if I never saw this guy ever again, I just wanted to be alone with him for however long.

Fast forward to present day and two children later, I can see why the women at Jury’s gave me such a warning when it came to Jax. They were familiar with men like him, handsome, dangerous, and unfaithful. I didn’t see that until it was too late. I was blinded by the handsome husband and being bought with money, jewelry, and trips to new and exciting places. Not to mention, a gorgeous building to start my clothing store. I didn’t want to believe that my wonderful husband was fucking anything with blonde hair and long legs. I wanted to believe that he was just busy with the club or that stupid porn studio he invested in. When it became evident that Jax and I’s relationship wasn’t going to work anymore, I felt like a total failure. Old ladies don’t leave. Old ladies stick it out and try harder to please their men. Well, I was done trying.

I was able to get away from Jax and keep it that way for almost two years. I met Ryan and we instantly hit it off. He was the ying to my yang. He was the type of guy that never interested me but I was grown and looking for an adult relationship. A few weeks after Ryan purposed, Jax and I started fooling around. It all started when the club went into lockdown and everyone had to go to the Red Woody warehouse. It was late and the sexual tension was building up. It happened in a blink of an eye and I told myself it wouldn’t happen again. I was engaged to be married. I knew what it felt like to be cheated on and here I was fucking my ex in the bathroom of a porn studio. I did everything in my power to stay away from Jax and it seemed like it was working. I guess you could say it was working until last week when we had sex everywhere but the bedroom…

“It’s getting late, Jax.” I spoke.

I didn’t realize how close he had gotten, being close enough that we were almost toe to toe. I looked up at him, his green eyes staring right into mine.

“I can be out of here before the girls get up.” He whispered, his hands finding mine.

If Charlie and Sophia found their dad and I in bed together, that would be one long therapy session that I didn’t have time for. They knew us apart and with other people in my case. Charlotte, especially, would get her hopes up and think that Jax and I were back together. “And what happens if they wake up in the middle of the night from a nightmare or something? What if it starts storming, Jax? You know Sophia hates thunderstorms.” I was trying to come up with every pathetic excuse in the book to get him to leave.

My heart started beating fast as he brought our hands up, pinning them to the wall behind me. I was trapped against the wall, Jax’s body flush against mine. “We’ll cross that bridge if we get to it, darlin.”

[abbacchiosbelt]

Can I get wedding headcanons for all of La Squadra? Like what style of wedding they’d have, how they react to their s/o in their dress or tux, that kind of stuff...! Maybe even wedding night HCs if you want...?

under the cut for length!

Risotto prefers a smaller and more traditional wedding, perhaps even in a Catholic church if you don’t mind. He may have lapsed on his religion, but his upbringing was important to him. It’d be a very private affair for your safety — his men are there as his closest confidants as well as security. Still, Risotto is in awe that he found someone willing to spend their life with him. Seeing you walk down the short (but still decorated with the perfect touch) aisle in your custom-made dress or tux leaves the intimidating man at a loss for words. 

The ceremony is short and to the point, with Risotto leaning down to whisper his own handwritten vowels to you. He’s actually rather reserved and shy about showing affection in front of others, so his special words are for you and you alone. 

There’s an interesting twist to your ceremony, though. Risotto makes the rings then and there with a mixture of your blood and his using Metallica. It’s a bit morbid, but 100% Risotto.

After the ceremony, the men will escort the two of you to a private villa before heading off for the night, stationed nearby (but not close enough to impede on your privacy) in case anything were to happen.

Risotto insists on cooking you your favorite meal with a glass of expensive and perfectly-aged wine. While it’s not traditional, it’s his silent way of thanking you for all you’ve done and everything you will do for him in the future.

Once he has a glass (or three) of wine in him himself, he’ll set up the record player so the two of you can share a private ‘first dance’ before he whisks you off to the bedroom to finish the night.

Formaggio never thought he’d be the type of guy to get married, so he’s at a loss for what wedding planning entails. While he chimes in with his opinion, he’s far more likely to leave it to you. The only thing he wants is an open bar — though he does promise to behave himself. It turns out to be a lovely little wedding ceremony, held in an outdoor space that’s far from peeking eyes. While the men of La Squadra spend most of the night playfully ragging on Formaggio, they’re happy to see their friend happy. Formaggio absolutely cries and laughs in joy when he sees you all done up in your wedding outfit.

Risotto is the officiant (because they can do that online now, as discovered by Melone) and most of the time is spent with Formaggio loudly & proudly declaring his love for you. Once the ceremony is over, he’ll sweep you off your feet in front of everyone and carry you to the cozy indoor reception area. (With that bar he wanted!)

The rest of the night is pretty lively, with lots of dancing and drinking. Formaggio gets extra handsy with you on the dance floor, to no one’s surprise. He just loves you so much!

With the night finally winding down, Formaggio is more than ready to christen your now ‘marital bed’ with several rounds staking his claim as your husband. 

Illuso, if his career choice was something different, would have an extravagant and over-the-top wedding. As it stands, he can’t afford to have something so flashy, let alone risk your safety by having something that stands out so much. Still, he takes a big part in the wedding planning process and manages to combine both your ideals to create the perfect wedding for both of you. The venue is beautifully decorated and Illuso manages to get a few of your closest friends and relatives there privately. It’s everything you could have asked for with the hints of the dream wedding Illuso once planned for. (There are always vow renewals...)

Illuso looks more than handsome in his tux, but he feels like the luckiest man on earth when he sees you in your wedding attire. You’re more than stunning — you’re picture perfect to him. Once again, Risotto acts as an officiant and the two of you share both traditional and personalized vows.

There’s delicious food catered by some of Italy’s best chefs (apparently someone had owed Illuso a favor) and a substantial cake that both of you smash in each other’s face. All in all, it’s a lovely little wedding that could fit right inside a twee wedding blog or magazine, had you made it public.

The night is just for you and Illuso. Your sweet husband will take you into the mirror world so absolutely no one can interrupt you — you’re completely safe with him, as he always wants it to be.

Pesci gets really into wedding planning with you! With your encouragement, he feels a little more confident in making decisions and the two of you bond further while planning your wedding. You decide on an early evening beach wedding with just you, Pesci, Prosciutto, and Risotto. Pesci is a shy and private man, so he doesn’t want a big audience and knows you’ll be okay with it too. 

Prosciutto officiates this time and helps Pesci set up grabbing your rings with Beach Boy — it turns out very sweet and Pesci can’t stop smiling when you laugh in delight at his retrieval of the rings. He thinks you look absolutely stunning in your outfit and turns bright red when you call him handsome. It’s very cute.

Prosciutto and Risotto watch carefully while you and Pesci ride off in the sunset on the boat Pesci saved up so long for, the two of you headed towards a private island to spend a short honeymoon on. The cabin is stocked with plenty of supplies and the two of you get to enjoy your wedded bliss in private!

Pesci’s favorite part of the night is watching you lounge happily on the deck while he maneuvers the boat towards your destination, for once feeling completely confident that he’s made the best decision of his life. He thinks that all night, especially when you playfully push him onto the bed and show your thanks for the smooth boat ride. 

Prosciutto turns into a Bridezilla. It’s what you knew would happen, yet seeing it happen is something else. He keeps it away from you, somehow, but you feel a little bad for the wedding planners. Still, your wedding is nothing short of immaculate and you can barely believe your eyes when you walk into the completely transformed venue. Prosciutto is very smug and happy about it. Like Risotto, he prefers a traditional ceremony. A few close friends and family are invited, and Prosciutto is waiting to show you off the second he sees you walking down the aisle. 

Once he’s assured that everything is going perfectly, Prosciutto can’t help but show you off to everyone, exclaiming how unendingly perfect his bride/groom/partner is. It’s not like him to be this affectionate in public, so you don’t mind eating it up.

No one can quite believe that Prosciutto is acting so domestic, but they’re happy for their teammate and friend. Watching him make googly eyes at you while you cut the wedding cake has Ghiaccio gagging and Melone lamenting about how he wishes he could find love like that.

Night brings you to a private plane ride to somewhere out of the country with Prosciutto on your arm, riling you up by whispering all the things he can’t wait to do to you on your honeymoon. Tonight, you might become a member of the mile-high club.

Melone is over the moon that he’s found someone to marry — but surprisingly, he prefers a short and private ceremony. There’s just so much he wants to do with you and well, he doesn’t really want to deal with the whims of other people. He’ll relent a bit and wear a proper tux for you... though don’t expect to be wearing your own wedding outfit for long once he sees you in it.

Everyone is well-aware of what Melone wants to do with you and have been privy to his unending affections for you more than once, so they’re more than happy to scatter once the ceremony is over, leaving a very happy Melone carrying you bridal-style to the limo waiting outside. 

Thank god for partitions, because Melone can’t even wait until the car takes off to get his head between your legs. He’s incredibly in love with you and he wants to show it the way he knows best — physical affection and sex. 

There’s a lot of touching and kissing and fucking all night until the two of you are worn out, and that’s when Melone gets mushy. He reads you a private set of vows he wrote while he strokes your hair. Despite everything, Melone is quite the romantic and enjoys the cooldown of the day’s activities almost as much as the day itself. Almost.

Ghiaccio will not behave if you have a big wedding. There are just too many things that could go wrong — it’s not that he doesn’t want one, but he knows he won’t be able to control himself if something happens. Instead, the two of you opt for a very private ceremony and a more public reception, inviting only a few friends along with Ghia’s teammates. The ceremony is officiated by Risotto with Melone acting as a witness, and Ghiaccio refuses to let the men hear his vows. He has no inside voice, so they hear anyways and pretend not to.

Though he struggles with saying it out loud, he thinks you look perfect in your wedding outfit. He’s convinced that someone from above was looking out for him when they sent you, although god forbid Ghiaccio ever say that out loud.

He relaxes at the reception when things don’t have to be so mushy, but he does get rather smug and rub it in everyone’s faces that he’s married now. You can only smile and laugh, running your hands through his curls and watching him blush. It’s a perfect night.

Ghiaccio slows down that night, making sure to worship every inch of your body in a show of how thankful he is that you’re going to spend the rest of your life with him. There’s nothing in this world he wants more than to protect you, and getting married is his way of showing that he means it. 

[currentlyfangirrling]

Taxi pt. 7 (Sebastian Stan x Reader)

Plot: In which a young girl goes to New York for the first time and accidentally gets into an already occupied Taxi

Warning: violence, language, sexual assault, and FLUFF

The next morning my eyes were swollen from crying all night. I know I shouldn’t be so upset considering that I barely knew him, but there was a part of me that felt like him and I would actually end up together. It’s ridiculous for me to believe that, but I did. I let myself fall for someone who couldn’t catch me.

Claire made me some tea and ordered me breakfast. No matter how many chocolate chip waffles I ate, I still felt empty inside.

“I know you are probably not up to do anything today, but we have a lot to do before the wedding tomorrow. And I know that you would never forgive yourself if you didn’t help out," Claire said as she put on her clothes for the day.

“Of course I’ll help! I need something to get my mind off of him anyway.” I got up, took a shower, put on some makeup to cover up my swollen eyes, and put on my clothes for the day.

I looked at my phone to see that Sebastian texted me half a million times. It was obvious that he didn’t sleep last night. All of his messages practically said that he was sorry, that he felt horrible, he couldn’t sleep because he couldn’t stop thinking about me, he wanted to see me, and that he never wanted this to happen. Blah blah blah. I was too exhausted to react anymore. I was fresh out of tears. Plus, I didn’t want to ruin my makeup.

I didn’t reply to his messages and just shoved my phone into my purse without another thought about it. Today I was going to help my friend and I was going to enjoy every minute of it.

First thing to do today was to go help Sarah meet with the flower shop owner to make sure all the flowers would be ready and set up in the correct vases. Sarah was a bit OCD and it definitely showed after it took her nearly 3 hours until she felt comfortable with the arrangements.

After that, we headed to the bakery to check up on the cake. It was almost complete and was being frozen in the freezer. Sarah made sure that the cake was a rich red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting.

Then we drove to the boutique that had our dresses ready to pick up. Everyone tried them on one last time before the big day. The bridesmaids dresses were long soft pink dresses that hugged everyone’s curves perfectly. When Sarah walked out in her wedding dress, everyone broke down into tears. Especially me.

Seeing her in her dress reminded me of when I was dating Daniel and how I thought I was going to marry him one day. Her dress was beautiful. It was the classic cupcake style dress that had just the right amount of extra. Sarah was alway the typical ‘go big or go home’ kind of girls, so this dress was perfect for her. It was her very own perfect dress. However, the dress weighed about 50 lbs and took up half of the car space, but we managed to fit everyone into the car.

The day was busy and I’m glad that it was. I didn’t look at my phone once. Until we got to the hotel so that we could get ready for the rehearsal dinner.

Sebastian had called me around noon and left a voicemail.

“Hey (y/n), I know that you have read my messages and I feel like a bigger idiot now that you haven’t replied. I know that you’re upset, and I’m so sorry for that. I can’t think properly knowing that you’re upset with me. I’m sorry that I hurt you. I’m sorry that I probably ruined your trip. I know that I have made a fool of myself, but I just wanted to say that I’m sorry one last time. Okay? Goodbye.”

Tears fell down my face. Hearing his voice felt like I was being punched in the gut. I missed him. I wanted to call him back and tell him that I forgave him and that I wanted to be with him, but I couldn’t. I know that if I did things would probably just get worse and I can’t imagine anything worse than this.

I looked at claire, who was standing across from me getting ready. I handed her the phone so that she could listen. I wanted her to tell me to call him back and to tell me that I should be with him. She didn’t. She just shook her head and turned my phone off.

“I don’t know what to tell you. He seems just as upset as you are about this, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to talk to him anymore. I’m sorry,” Claire said, walking to the closet to pull out her dress.

“You’re right. I just-I don’t know,” I said, sitting on the bed to take off my shoes to put on my heels for tonight.

“I think it’s best that we don’t talk about this and just focus on Sarah for right now,” Claire stated. I nodded my head and continued to change my clothes.

Walking into the rehearsal dinner, I noticed people that I hadn’t seen in a long time. While talking to Sarah’s parents, I heard a voice that made me cringe.

I turned around to see Daniel behind me, “Hey gorgeous.”

I rolled my eyes, “Daniel.”

“(Y/N), you look amazing. How have you been?” Seeing Daniel made me so uncomfortable that my shoulders were practically up to my ears. And ‘how have I been?’ I’ve been horrible and I feel like crawling into a hole.

“I’ve been great, actually,” I lied. “How about yourself?”

“Honestly? I’ve missed you. I haven’t stopped thinking about you and now that you’re here I am speechless,” Daniel said, putting his arm around my waist and leaning in for a hug.

I hugged him back out of politeness, but I actually wanted to stomp on his foot. I felt his hands sneak down my back, giving my ass a light squeeze. I froze. What the hell?

I backed away and slapped his hand off of me, “What the hell are you doing?”

Daniel grinned, “I missed you. Haven’t you missed me?”

“I haven’t thought about you since I caught you and whatshername sneaking around,” I spat.

“You know she meant nothing to me! I want you! I have always wanted you! You were my everything and I made a mistake,” he confessed.

“I need to go get a drink,” I said, walking away from him.

As I grabbed myself a glass of champagne, drank it, and immediately grabbed another one.

Sitting down at my table, I noticed Daniel was seated across from me. Great. I was about 4...5...maybe 6 glasses of champagne in and was not in the mood for this.

I ignored him completely and kept to myself. I could sense him staring at me as I was eating my meal.

Once the speeches began, I got up to go to the bathroom. Looking in the mirror, I fixed my hair and makeup. I waiting in the bathroom to waist time before I had to go back out and deal with Daniel. I looked at my phone and saw that I had no notifications from Sebastian. I guess he was serious about saying goodbye.

I left the bathroom and ran into Daniel, who was probably just waiting outside the ladies room so that he could talk to me privately.

“(Y/N), come on. Give me one more chance. I miss you. Please. I know you missed me,” Daniel leaned in to kiss me and held my body close to make sure I couldn’t escape.

“Daniel, stop!” I said, fighting him. He backed away and apologized.

That was it. I was tired of everyone saying “sorry” to me. I pulled myself together. “Daniel, I’m going to forget what just happened and walk back in there to talk to my friends. Don’t follow me!”

He agreed and stood against the wall as i walked away. I was too tired to deal with his. I found claire and told her that I wasn’t feeling well and that I would see her back at the hotel.

When I got to the room I fell onto the bed and fell right to sleep.

The next morning was the big day. Everyone met in Sarah’s room for hair and makeup. We took pictures, had some champagne, and got dressed.

Before we knew it, we arrived at the venue and got ready for the big moment. We walked into the ladies room and waiting for the ceremony to begin. As I walked down the aisle and saw Daniel sitting on the edge with a smile planted on his face.

After the ceremony, Daniel caught me walking alone outside. We were completely alone.

“Hey beautiful!”

I turned around and walked into the other direction, “Daniel, leave me alone!”

“Oh come on! I know you want me,” Daniel grabbed my waist, turned me around, and pulled me towards him.

“You know nothing about me and what I want!” I said, trying to escape his grip.

“Well, why don’t we take this somewhere private and then I could get to know you again just like old times,” Daniel smirked as he leaned into kiss me.

“Daniel, stop!” I said. He continued to force himself onto me. “I’m serious! Stop!” I began to shout.

No one was around to witness this. Until I heard some from a distance shout, “She said ‘Stop’!”

Before I could process what was happening, I saw a fist fly passed my face and making contact with Daniel’s. Daniel fell to the ground and put his hand up to his face to reveal that his nose was bleeding.

I turned around to see an angry Sebastian. He was holding his hand close to his chest in pain after punch Daniel.

“Sebastian! What the hell are you doing here?”

“Besides saving you? I needed to see you! I called Claire and she told me where you would be! (Y/N), I am so sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean it. I just wanted Chris to get off of my back. I could never just ‘end things’ with you! Fuck,” Sebastian explained, still in pain. I turned around to see that Daniel was still on the ground holding his nose.

I ignored Daniel and turned back to Sebastian, “Sebastian, I don’t know what to say. You really hurt me, but-”

Sebastian shook off this pain in his hand and held mine interrupted my train of thought. “I know I did, but I didn’t know how else to deal with Chris. He doesn’t understand how much I love you! Ever since I met you in that taxi-”

“You love me?” I interrupted.

Sebastian sighed, “uhh, yeah. Yeah I do. I love you, (Y/N)!”

I squeezed his hands tightly with excitement before he yanked his hand away from mine in pain. “I am so sorry! I forgot-“

“It’s ok! I deserved that I guess,” Sebastian laughed, ignoring the pain he cupped my face and kissed me. I wrapped my arms around him tightly, making sure he couldn’t slip away.

“Excuse me! I’m going to kill you,” Daniel jumped up and tackled Sebastian to the ground suddenly.

I jumped back, “Daniel! STOP!” I screamed as loud as I could. That’s when I saw people coming towards us. Sarah’s husband and his friends managed to pull Daniel off of Sebastian who was now bleeding from his nose and a little above his eyebrow.

Daniel was taken away as I pulled Sebastian up and helped him inside. I sat him down in a chair and grabbed a napkin and put ice in it so he could put it over his eye.

“Thank you,” Sebastian said, holding the homemade ice pack to his face.

“I’m so sorry this happened!” I apologized.

“It’s ok!” He reassured me.

After a while of talking and helping Sebastian, Claire found us. She gave Sebastian more ice and a wet napkin to clean up the blood.

Once Sebastian was cleaned up and felt better, I lead him into the dining room. Before we walked in I stopped, “Oh I forgot. No one can see us together.”

Sebastian licked his lips and smiled, “I think it’s too late for that.” He pointed to his face.

“Oh right. Sebastian, I’m so sorry. Not only did you get beat up but also now people know about us!” I felt horrible.

“Hold on, I didn’t get ‘beat up’ alright! And it was worth it. I got you now,” Sebastian winked, leaning in the kiss me softly.

Sebastian walked into the room confidently and lead me to the dance floor. He spun me around and pulled me into his chest as we started to dance. Everyone was staring and a few people were taking photos. At first, I felt a little panicked that people were taking photos of us, but then I just looked into his eyes and felt at peace.

“I love you too,” I said before planting a kiss on his lips.

Sebastian smiled and then spun me around then pulled me back in again, “I love you three.”

AN: I don’t know if I should continue this story or not! Leave me a comment below if I should or shouldn’t!

[ieatpenniesformythoughts]

10/10/19

Today Facebook decided to so kindly remind me that it would have been my 4 year wedding anniversary with Nicole. I'm not really okay at all. I keep thinking about that day and just so many emotions keep flooding in, mostly sadness and anger. I really want to destroy something. I want to chuck everything on my desk out a fucking window and then jump out after it. I want to get black out drunk. I want write her a msg and scream at her for all the damage she has caused to me.

My wedding day was a fucking joke. It was pretty much ruined before it even had a chance to start. Two days before we went down to st george I had a massive anxiety melt down because our car broke down and we had to figure out a rental. Nicole threatened to walk out on me and in response I locked myself in our bathroom and tried to cut myself. She was more concerned about scars showing up in pictures then the fact that I was so anxious and depressed that I was harming myself in a way that wasnt even patternistic for my regular depression. She didnt leave though and we still went on with our plans. We showed up to st George the night before and the moment we arrive Lori is being a fucking child. We didnt show up early enough for her liking. She needed our help picking out on of the dresses she already had but she ended up gaining a bunch of weight in the last couple of months. She had only one dress that fit and it was a wiggle dress with a skull pattern. I thought it was cute but she threw a huge fit about it because she thought she would be able to fit in something nicer and was extremely concerned about my mother judging her. She was bitching all night about the fact that she kept waiting to buy a hotel room, hoping for a deal, and she waited so long she had to book rooms right after the prices got hiked up. I go to bed extremely anxious and already hopeless.

The next day we drive the 2 hours into vegas. We take mine and Nicole's rental and darren takes his bike. I'm driving of course because it has to be either nicole or I which means the responsibility falls on me. We decide to just get the marriage certification done and over with first thing. The courthouse is obviously unfamiliar to me and not the easiest thing to find let alone find parking as well. Nicole keeps getting pissed at me for suggesting we park farther away at a more convenient location off the street and just walk over there. I finally find a close parking spot but in my frustration I end up scraping the side of the car on a high curb and it leaves a definite large scratch. Cue the berating for the bill we would receive for repairs. After we get the license we check into the hotel. I get up to our room and smoke some of the green I snuck in. I start to get ready and I'm the first one to be ready for the wedding. By this time most of my family show up. My own mother is stressed to hell so I go to her room and do hers, Sam's, and Andy's hair. I get andy done first and he takes nicole, my dad, my brother, and my sisters boyfriend at the time to go get drinks at the bar. I help alex get checked into his room and then have to deal with Nicole's mother bitching to me about my own family. I do my best to ignore it while I'm checking on the limo, the venue, the dinner reservations, etc etc.

Andy and crew come back to mine and Nicole's hotel room. I'm then taking pictures. Giving people details. Making sure we have everyone and that I'm keeping track of them all. Limo arrives and we go to the venue. I'm checking us in and getting everything ready while everyone waits. Finally nicole and I get pulled away and our guests are taken to their seats. My parents are still in the stage of not getting along in the slightest so they take both sides which pisses off Nicole's mom. The ceremony happens but of course the live stream I paid extra for didnt work so no one back home got to watch it. Never got a refund for it. We go to dinner at an italian restaurant nicole and I had really enjoyed the last time we went to vegas. Unfortunately I assumed they would split the bill but they refuse to do so. I suggest finding somewhere else or putting it all on my credit card. Nobody listens to me and the start of the arguments happen. Andy wants to order a well balanced meal but darren is refuses to eat anything green. Sam's boyfriend has a tomato allergy which we were never informed of so he straight up makes a point to say he isnt going to eat or pay for anything. This pisses off my dad enough to instigate a fight with him. Darren and lori end up moving to the other side of the table to get away from Andy. They're not willing to pay for anything either. Finally my dad and andy decide to split the bill between them. 2 hours go by and the whole time I just want to go back to my hotel room and cry my eyes out. Dinner was delicious but I couldn't enjoy it in the slightest. My poor mother is making her best efforts to keep me happy and I'm pretending that I dont want to die inside. We make plans after dinner to go to Fremont street and drink with my dad, ben, lori, and darren.

Nicole and I go get changed at our room and I smoke a bowl before we head out again. Nicole's parents ended up falling asleep in their room and lori was pissed at us later because we didnt come get them. We got out onto fremont street and my dad and brother get pretty shit faced. Couple hours they're drunk enough to bail on us and go to a strip club. To Nicole's credit she did make love to me that night. I remember wanting it and wanting her at the time but looking back I dont think I was really that into it. It felt more like I was happy about it because she did that one thing for me when she didnt have to because a lot of people said that I shouldnt plan on getting laid on my wedding night. Even just comparing that to the way I truly just want driver to touch me so intensely, it pales in comparison. Thinking back on it, I don't think I was ever the mewling slut with nicole that i am with driver. Yeah of course i would want it but i stopped getting excited. It felt more like something I was doing in desperation to be closer to her. I think the only time I was anything close to how I am with driver is when we were still living in my apartment. I learned to stop asking for it because that would only make it less likely to happen. I was totally fine with not getting enough orgasms to be fully satisfied which I still am but with her came extra shame of being too much work for somebody to even attempt. Which is definitely why we came to the agreement to even be poly. She would shame me about enjoying it too much because I'd squirt and she couldn't stand any of the mess it made. Was particularly mean when I couldn't warn her that it was going to happen. She started refusing to fuck me in the bed very early into our relationship and only wanted to fuck me in the shower. Driver is the first person I've had a healthy sexual relationship with and I got so lucky that he's so good at it at the same time. I feel so fucking bad all of the time for getting so excited about wanting him to make love to me. I feel like I ask too much and I'm just like waiting for him to get sick of it. For him to get sick of touching me or get mad at me for even asking or trying it initiating or anything. I still try to do those things though. Drivers told me that those things dont bother him but I'm still scared and I still dont trust it in the slightest. Conner did the same thing to me. He made me feel ashamed for making messes. He stopped fucking me and I only ever really fucked him. Made me feel like I was too much work so it wasnt worth trying. Honestly conner and nicole are pretty similar in a lot of ways. Both of them got physically abusive with me. Both of them raped me. Both of them manipulated and controlled me. Both of them let me do everything. Now I'm so worried that it's all me. That I'm the bad one because I had two very similar experiences and I could be the one that's causing these issues. Maybe I'm crazy and it's all an illusion. Maybe I'm the selfish and narcissistic one. Maybe I'm projecting. Maybe I do start fights and I scream at people for no reason and and and and and and and.

But I digress

Nicole and I had like 2 more weeks off to spend together as newly weds. We went to see the book of mormon the next day and would be spending the next 2 days after with her mother in st george. Her mom found out that we had extra time and basically threw a tantrum about us staying at her place longer because we didn't come see her as often as she liked. I had a panic meltdown in our room that night and begged nicole to tell her mother no. I was uncomfortable and unhappy enough as it was. She called me selfish that i wasnt willing to do it. I tried to compromise and give her mom one or two more days but she just kept berating me for having an issue. I just remember sobbing at her moms house on the floor the next day while everyone was gone and nicole was pissed and screaming at me for having another meltdown. That's when she got a call from her cousin in tooele informing her that her paternal grandfather was actively dying. We packed our bags and started driving towards tooele. We got there that night luckily because that was the last night he was coherent enough to interact with anyone. I went home the next day and nicole stayed. I had never met this side of the family before and felt like I was intruding on a very private time. I spent the week by myself and the week after helping with the funeral. I cried myself to sleep by myself those nights.

I know that getting married again won't be like that. I know when I finally get to call myself drivers spouse that it will be a happy day. Even if nothing goes as planned I will still just be so so happy. I dont need all the fancy bells and whistles. Hell I could get married in vegas again. I could get married at the court house. What upset me about marrying nicole was the complete lack of concern about my happiness from multiple people. Nicole started suggesting we have another ceremony at home to make up for it. She really started pushing for it when we moved to tooele but I kept putting it off. I didnt want to go through all that labor again and I wasn't so sure about binding my soul to hers with a hand fasting anymore. I think she only started insisting because she knew on some level that I was super unhappy. I'm so glad I'm not celebrating with her today. I'm so fucking happy I'm away from her. My anxiety keeps thinking that shes the one im waiting for to come home. But no, I'm waiting for the love of my life. I'm waiting for driver to come home and take me into his arms. I'm waiting for the gentle touches, soft kisses, kind words. I dont prefer being alone anymore. Skipping work is not near as enjoyable as it used to be. Being home alone is definitely not my preference any longer. @dsxsquaredx