#it’s just such a joyous rabbit hole

[ekaterinaroskova]

so funny to me when ppl reblog mabel quotes out of context. haha yeah it’s the funney faerie lesbian show right? mhm. hey wanna read my paper about why Lolo Garcia is the best trans rep in fiction podcasts. hey wanna read the dozens of articles that give clear context to the Irish and Indigenous Mexican roots of the podcast and why it is written the way that it is? Hey wanna see my intensely complicated lore chart? Hey wanna know how Jonathan Mills and Thomas irrevocably changed my life and how I understand masculinity and queerness? Hey wanna hear about how Anna Limón is one of the most important reasons I had in figuring out my own brain? Hey wanna know Mabel Martin’s incredibly fucked up backstory? Wanna hear about the cult? Do you? Hm?

[mrwavellswaps]

Taking It For Granted

Eric was busy getting ready for work as usual when he glanced over at his boyfriend Ajax who was still laid in bed in nothing but his underwear. Even now Ajax couldn’t help subtly running his hands along his abs and legs.

“Are you gonna actually get out of bed sometime today or are you just gonna keep groping yourself all morning?” Eric asked as he straightened his tie.

Ajax chuckled in response. “Sorry babe. Hard not to admire all this sometimes.” He gave a quick flex before sliding out of bed and sauntering over to Eric. “You should know. You were the one kissing my biceps last night.” He grinned before leaning in and giving his boyfriend a soft kiss followed by a slap on the ass before making his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

Eric watched the sway of Ajax’s muscular body as he walked away. Over the last couple of days he’d noticed a change in his boyfriend. Subtle things from the way he talked to the way he carried himself. He was more joyous and bouncy than ever before. Not to mention how he seemed to check himself out at every given opportunity. Ajax had always been proud of his physique but recently it seemed like he just couldn’t stop flexing and squeezing his muscles. Just seeing his own reflection seemed to make his day now. Not to mention his attitude had completely shifted.

A week prior to this Eric and Ajax’s relationship had been hanging on by a thread. They’d been arguing more and more over the past few months. It’d started with petty disagreements that blew up bigger and bigger until finally they had a full fight which ended in Ajax storming off. After that Eric thought it was over. After how badly they’d been getting on he couldn’t see a way for their relationship to recover.

A few hours later however, Ajax returned. Part of Eric was expecting him to start packing up his stuff but instead he gave the most heartfelt apology Eric had ever heard. He had no idea what had caused such a change in Ajax but in the moment he didn’t question it. Eric apologised too and afterwards Ajax promised he’d be better. So so much better. Before long Eric found himself jumping into Ajax’s strong arms as they made their way to the bedroom before having some of the steamiest makeup sex they’d ever had.

After falling into bed together they’d begun ripping off each other’s clothes like animals. Ajax however seemed particularly horny. He was rock hard and eager to fuck. Yet before that he took an immense satisfaction in allowing Eric to explore the size and contours of his muscles. As if it were the first time he was being admired like this. Eric didn’t care though, he’d always loved Ajax’s chiseled physique. Almost as much as he loved taking Ajax’s fat cock up his ass which is exactly what he got. He didn’t know quite what’d gotten into his hunky boyfriend that night as out of nowhere Eric found himself receiving the best sex of his life! Getting pounded from all sorts of different positions in such a way that had him cumming over himself not once but twice! Ajax had never been bad at fucking but last night it was like he’d been possessed by a sex demon who’d demolished Eric’s hole before dumping a massive load inside.

Since then Ajax had been like a totally different person. Alongside the slight differences in the way he spoke and carried himself, he was also far more affectionate and thoughtful. Whereas before he’d grown quite distant, now he always wanted to kiss and cuddle. Always giving sweet compliments and wanting to be closer. Not to mention they’d been fucking like rabbits ever since making up.

It was a complete 180 to his former attitude and Eric would be lying if he said he didn’t love it. After all, even when they’d been having terrible arguments, he still loved Ajax more than anything. Only difference now was that it actually felt healthy again. That said Eric didn’t want to question it. Everything seemed perfect but there was one thing he just couldn’t get out of his head. Something that the old man who lived across the street said the morning after him and Ajax made up…

———

Four days earlier Eric found himself waking with a sore asshole to the sound of shouting coming from the front door. After turning to see Ajax wasn’t in bed next to him, Eric quickly got up to see what all the commotion was, walking a little funny down the stairs after the railing he’d gotten last night. When he got there however, he was surprised to see none other than old Mr Jenkins have some kind of blow up at Ajax. Eric could hardly understand half of what he was saying. Something about needing to fix something and not wanting to be old? He even called Ajax a “sadistic body thief” whatever that meant.

Eric quickly decided to step in and see what the problem was and immediately Mr Jenkin’s switched his attention to him. Right away he started coming out with some of the most insane things Eric had ever heard!

“I’m not Mr Jenkins!” He would shout. “You have to believe me Eric! I’m Ajax! He stole my fucking body!” He screamed while pointing at Ajax. There was a fury in Mr Jenkins’ eyes that Eric had never seen before. He was completely out of his mind! “I don’t know how you did this but you’re gonna undo it back you crazy asshole!” He continued.

Ajax put his hands up. “How many times do I have to say it? I don’t know what the hell you’re going on about.” He then glanced at Eric before whispering. “I think he’s gone nuts. He won’t stop yelling about some invasion of the body snatchers type of shit.”

“I’M NOT CRAZY! GIVE IT BACK YOU OLD BASTARD!” Mr Jenkins looked as though he was ready to launch himself at Ajax in a fury with what little strength his elderly body had before Eric stepped between them.

Eric couldn’t help feeling bad for the elderly man. Of course he didn’t believe a word he was saying. It was insane not to mention impossible. His only guess as to what was going on was that Mr Jenkins’ was suffering from his old age. Dementia perhaps? Whatever the case it was clear to Eric that he needed help. He tried to calm the old man down but nothing helped. Only continuing to curse at Ajax while begging Eric to believe him. Apparently the other neighbours had overheard all the commotion because not too long after a police car rode up outside the house.

With Eric and Ajax explaining what’d happened and Mr Jenkins’ still screaming bloody murder and even getting violent with the officers, it wasn’t long before the old man was taken away to get some help.

As they watched the car drive away, Ajax wrapped his muscular arms around Eric from behind. “You okay babe?” He asked while kissing the back of Eric’s neck.”

“Yeah… I just didn’t know Mr Jenkins’ was suffering like that. I can’t imagine what must’ve been going on inside his head to make him believe all those things.” Eric leaned back into Ajax’s body a little, allowing his back to rest against his boyfriends strong pecs. “It just makes me wanna appreciate what we have right now you know?”

“Absolutely.” Ajax hugged Eric tighter. “I’ll never take this for granted again.” He added, trying to sound sweet while a smug grin crept across his face unbeknownst to Eric.

———

It’d been almost a week since then. Eric had arrived at work and was going through the motions as usual only now he felt constantly distracted. He just couldn’t help replaying that scene with Mr Jenkins over and over in his head. All those crazy claims he made about being Ajax and having his body stolen. He seemed so convinced. So sure of himself. Not to mention that until that morning Mr Jenkins’ had been as healthy as a horse in both mind and body so for him to just flip like that felt… off.

Normally he would’ve brushed something like that off easily. Body swapping? That was the definition of crazy talk. Under normal circumstances there was no way in hell he’d believe that. But that’s when he started to pick up on things more clearly. Subtle changes in the way Ajax behaved that quickly began to plant a seed of doubt in mind. A seed that grew to the point where he’d been analysing almost everything his boyfriend did and said.

He went over it in his head as we worked. Out of nowhere Ajax had begun watching the historical channels on TV, finally started reading one of the books he’d received as a present last year and even mentioned that he wanted to give fishing a try at some point! The Ajax he knew never had the patience for those things. The rational thing to assume would simply be that Ajax was maturing. Trying to be a better person and gain new interests. But Eric just couldn’t shake the weirdness of how it’d begun the day Mr Jenkins went crazy.

It wasn’t just his interests though. It was Ajax’s whole demeanour. Before he was quite stoic. He’d have his moments of sweetness but overall he was very reserved. Over the last couple months he’d even grown quite mean and snappy, eager to jump to an argument and make a big deal out of nothing which eventually led to their huge argument. But then it all changed starting with that massive apology he gave. Ajax had never been one to say sorry so it came as quite the surprise. Even in that moment Eric couldn’t help thinking he seemed like a different person, only he wasn’t thinking about it quite as literally then. Since then his mood had completely changed. His reserved and quiet nature seemingly vanished overnight, being replaced by a much bubblier and joyful attitude. It was almost like he had this newfound appreciation for his life.

And this couldn’t have been clearer in the way he treated himself and others. For a start he just couldn’t stop admiring his own body. Always touching something. Groping his pecs, massaging his thighs, flexing his biceps. He couldn’t get enough. Always making comments about how hot he looked and spending way longer in the shower than usual.

And when it came to Eric, Ajax was far more affectionate and thoughtful. Always giving him compliments and kisses. Always smiling when they were together and telling Eric how lucky he felt to have what they had. Hell he even bought him flowers! Something Ajax had never done before. And the sex was some of the most passionate they’d ever had. So deep and loving. Every. Single. Night. Ajax was more eager than ever to slam his cock inside Eric’s hole at any given opportunity. And to top it off Ajax seemed to have developed this worshipping kink in the last couple of days. Always wanting Eric to kiss and worship his muscles.

All of those little things stacked together caused that tiny seed of doubt in Eric’s mind to grow into a tree that’s roots were consuming his every thought. He wanted to believe he was just overthinking it but what Mr Jenkins’ had said was starting to make too much sense. It was too much to have just been a coincidence. It was only lunch time but Eric decided to take the rest of the day off work for a “family emergency”.

Once home, Eric took a deep breath before quietly opening the front door. He was about to shout his boyfriend’s name but before he did, he heard the sound of Ajax’s voice coming from the bedroom. Curiously Eric made his way towards the bedroom as silently as possible, trying to listen to what Ajax was saying until he stood just outside the door. And what he heard sent shivers up his spine.

“Fuuuuck yeahh! I’ll never get tired of this young cock! God I still can’t believe how much bigger it is compared to my old one!” He moaned. “Young, dumb and hung as fuck…”

Eric’s eyes widened. Was it actually true? Without a second thought he peered his head into the bedroom to see none other than his boyfriend stood in front of a mirror bare ass naked and flexing while he stroked his cock!

“Ohhh yeah! I’m Ajax! Young fuckin muscle bull! Fuuuck I-” He cut himself short when in the corner of his eye he noticed Eric stepping into the room. “Oh-I-Ummm… Eric. I didn’t think you’d uhmmmm… be home so soon hahah…” A flustered look swiftly crossed his face. “I was just-” before he could finish, Eric stopped him.

“It’s true isn’t it? Everything Mr Jenkins said. About the body swap.” Eric still didn’t quite believe it even as he said it but the writing was on the wall. “Or should I say everything Ajax said. Because he wasn’t really Mr Jenkins. You are.”

Ajax was silent for a moment. Unsure of how to respond until he finally let out a long sigh. “Eric. Let me explain.”

———

After their massive fight, Ajax had stormed out of the house with a fury in his eyes. Slamming the door behind him as he left to get some air and get away Eric. He didn’t have a plan as to where he was going so he ended up just pacing up and down the street for over half an hour with a sour look on his face.

At this time Mr Jenkins had been sitting in his living room watching TV where he had a perfect view to the window as he noticed Ajax pass by multiple times. Seeing this he went out to investigate what was wrong. When Ajax next passed Jenkins’ house, the old man stopped him and asked what was the matter. Ajax was resistant at first but when Mr Jenkins offered him inside to chat, he gave in and took the sweet man up on his offer.

They sat down at the kitchen table and immediately Ajax began to rant about Eric. Listing off each and every little thing he hated about his spouse. All the little habits that annoyed him, all the irritating things he would do or say. However Mr Jenkins’ found it hard to emphasise. Impossible even. Most of the things Ajax was listing off were such minor things that he seemed to be blowing out of proportion while other things were just plain stupid like complaining about how Eric didn’t fold and put away the clothes exactly how Ajax wanted after doing the washing. It was moronic to say the least. But what Mr Jenkins really hated was how much Ajax blatantly insulted Eric as he listed these things off. Calling him all sorts of horrible things while dragging his name through the mud.

It was then Mr Jenkins made a decision. It was something he’d wanted to do for a very long time now ever since Ajax moved in across the road with Eric. Until now he didn’t have the courage to do it, believing he’d feel too guilty if he did. But now that he’d seen Ajax’s true colours he had no regrets.

Jenkins excused himself from the table to make a cup of tea while asking Ajax if he wanted a drink of any kind as well. The handsome younger man said he’d take tea as well. Little did he know that as Jenkins brewed the tea, he added a little something extra into Ajax’s cup.

He came back moments later with two hot cups in hand, offering one the Ajax who took it kindly. They chatted a little more as the drinks cooled, Ajax’s going on a little more about his petty frustrations with Eric. But soon enough the handsome younger man picked up his beverage and began to sip away at it, much to Mr Jenkins delight. Little did Ajax know as he drank that his tea had been laced with a mild sedative that was gradually starting to take effect as he came to the last few sips.

“Sorry… I’m just feelin a bit… tired all of a sudden…” Ajax slurred as he put down the cup. “I should… probably…” He could hardly finish his sentence as his eyes started to flutter. Seeing this Mr Jenkins hopped up from his seat to grab Ajax to make sure he didn’t pass out onto the floor. “Heyyy… whaaat’re youuu…” And with that his body went limp, losing consciousness.

Jenkins knew he didn’t have long. The sedative might’ve knocked him out but wouldn’t be for long. A big guy like Ajax would probably begin to wake in about half an hour to an hour tops so he had to work fast. Jenkins used what little strength he had to move Ajax off the kitchen chair as gently as possible before dragging his sleeping body down the hallway and into the bedroom.

Right away Jenkins got to work. He started by unlocking the hidden safe he kept in his closet and pulling out a very old looking piece of paper. Written on it we’re instructions. Instructions for a forbidden spell that’d been passed down through his family for generations. One that’d been used many times by his spiritual ancestors. A body swapping spell.

He set everything he needed like candles before making a circle out of magic runes around himself and Ajax. Once that was done he took a sedative himself, one that was slightly stronger and that should kick in very soon so there was no time to waste. He got in position and took a deep breath before taking the paper once again and reading out the ancient incantation inscribed on it. Speaking the forbidden words with as much chest as he could, trying not to lose his focus as he noticed the runes around them begin to glow. His old heart beating faster with anticipation until finally he reached the last line.

He shouted those final words to complete the spell and in an instant the runes glowed brighter than ever before, creating some kind of magical bubble around the two men. Yet before Jenkins could even celebrate his success his body began to convulse and moments later his soul was forced out through his mouth as a glowing blue mass, leaving his elderly body limp and lifeless. Shortly followed by the unconscious Ajax writhing slightly until a blue mass of glowing energy was forced out of his mouth too!

The two energies twirled around one another for a moment until they formed into a ghostly version of the people they belonged to. A ghostly Ajax who seemed lost for words and a ghostly Mr Jenkins who was grinning at him maliciously, knowing what was to happen next. Magic continued to swirl around the pair as their spiritual forms began to transform. Mr Jenkins’ ghost looking younger and hunkier by the second while Ajax’s grew older and withered. Only coming to an end when their souls had completely transformed into one another!

Now that Jenkins had become Ajax in soul, the only thing left was to take his physical body. After the transformation was complete their souls returned to their orb like states, spinning around each other again before launching into the mouths of the opposite bodies they started in.

With that the magic of the spell dissipated without a trace, leaving nothing but silence. For about ten minutes anyway as not long after, ‘Ajax’ began to stir.

He groaned. His body felt heavy and tired due to the sedatives that were in his system. Yet the moment he caught sight of his body, his eyes shot open with wonder. “Haha! Yes it worked! It actually fucking worked!” He shouted and raved as he reached down to feel the strong pecs underneath his shirt with a shit eating grin.

The young stud practically leapt onto his feet with excitement, moving faster and more freely than he had in years! He wasted no time in whipping off his shirt and dumping it on the floor so he could get a better look at his body and he wasn’t disappointed. “Jesus this boy is in good shape.” He mumbled as he ran a hand down the cobbled abs that decorated his stomach. “I was nowhere near this buff last time I was this young.” He added, while flexing his new biceps for the first time and watching with wonder as the muscle peaked. “Fuuuck… I feel so strong!”

Every inch of his body was bulging with powerful muscles just begging to be flexed and groped. And that’s exactly what he did. Running his hands up and down his entire frame as he kicked off Ajax’s shorts. Squeezing his new pecs and pinching his nipples. Kissing his biceps as they bulged. Flexing his glutes and loving just how tight his new muscle ass felt. Not to mention how taut his skin was now. “God I’m sooo young!” He moaned as he grabbed his crotch. His new and improved cock already standing at attention and waiting to be used. “Gotta… cum!”

Jenkins shimmied down his underwear and finally set his dick free. It looked gorgeous. He never thought he’d see a cock this beautiful in person ever again. And it was his! So thick and imposing just like the rest of his body. Without a single thought he wrapped a hand around it and started jerking while continuing to groping himself with his free hand.

“Oh fuuuuuuckkk! I haven’t been this rock hard in decades!” He bit his lip, pumping his young new dick more furiously than he had in years while cupping his muscle tits and feeling their weight sit in his hand. Worshipping himself as much as humanly possible whilst moaning in his youthful yet deep voice, only serving to turn him on even more.

With the vigorous speed at which he was jerking, after only about five minutes he could already tell he was starting to get close. His fat new balls welling up with a huge ass load. But he needed to see himself before he came. And so he made a dash for the nearby bathroom where he was able to gaze up his reflection for the first time. Seeing the face of Ajax staring back at him almost made him cream on the spot.

“Holy fuck I’m a hunk! My hair is so dark… and my face is so fuckin sexy!” It was taking his brain a moment to take it all in. The unfamiliar reflection of a different man. He inspected the short bearded he now adorned, rubbing a hand across it while getting a feel for his new jaw. Allowing his fingers to gently glide across his lips and over his nose. Relishing in his smooth skin without a wrinkle in sight. Inspecting each individual feature with such lust.

“I’m Ajax…” He muttered to himself. Feeling a shiver of delight run up his spin as he said those

“I’m Ajax!” He repeated the claim, louder this time as he took a step back to really focus on his cock. Tightening his grip around it before hastening his pace. The thick manhood began to dribble significant amounts of precum from its tip. Just the feeling of it was overwhelming his senses in a way he hadn’t experienced in a long time. Youthful lust consuming him.

“I’M AJAX!!!” He shouted one final time with certainty and the second he did the floodgates opened. His cock was like a cum hose, firing his potent seed all over the mirror and sink in powerful bursts. All while he moaned like a horny slut. “Yeahhhhhhh…” He made sure to squeeze every last drop out of dick, watching with satisfaction as it pulsed and leaked.

The new Ajax trudged back into the bedroom with a dumb grin before falling back onto the bed in exhaustion. Laying out his model of a body in all its sweaty glory after the hottest and most intense orgasm of his life. “My fuckin… body now…” he grunted between laboured breaths. After that he was certain he had no regrets.

He sat back after a couple minutes once he’d caught his breath before looking down at his new body again. Eyes scanning over the strong muscle he now owned. His gaze then shifted across the room, peering over at his former body. “Probably got a couple hours before he wakes up after that stronger sedative I took.” He theorised. “More than enough time to get a bit more familiar with my new self before going to see my new boyfriend.” Ajax sniggered.

Just then however his nose caught a whiff of a strong manly scent. A scent that very quickly drew his nose towards his own sweaty armpits. “Woof! That is ripe!” He quickly went in for another sniff before running his tongue along his damp pit. “Uhooo that’s goood.” Not wasting any time he quickly switched to the other pit, sniffing and licking that one too. Instantly having fallen in love with his own musk. And who could blame him!? He smelt like a proper manly muscle stud! “Should probably still get a shower before seeing Eric though… but until then I’m gonna enjoy this.” He grinned.

———

“And once I was more familiar with this body, I got dressed again and made my way back here. That’s when I apologised to you.” Ajax finished, having detailed most of what’d happened to his original boyfriend in the spirit of honesty as he and Eric sat side by side on the bed. He seemed sincere about it all but it was hard for Eric to tell with how Ajax’s dick was still at full mast. He even touched it a couple times absentmindedly while describing what had happened.

It was a lot for Eric to take in. Even though he’d been thinking it over these last few days, actually hearing Ajax admit that he wasn’t the real Ajax was still mad to hear. Especially as he detailed exactly how it’d gone down. On one hand it sounded completely absurd just as he’d told himself it was whenever he considered the possibility. Yet on the other hand he couldn’t help believing it. There was no denying that Ajax had a completely different feel around him now. Even though he looked the same on the outside, he’d just felt different. And now he knew why.

“So… you’re Mr Jenkins. The old man who’s lived across from us for years.” Eric said as he tried to process it all.

“I was Mr Jenkins.” The muscle bound stud corrected. “Now I’m your hunky boyfriend Ajax!” He smiled before wrapping an arm around Eric and pulling him closer. “Difference being that I actually appreciate you and this life unlike the former owner of this body.”

Eric mulled over all the stuff this man had described to him, specifically all the horrible things his original boyfriend had said when he wasn’t around. He had to admit it sounded like stuff the Ajax he knew would complain about. But all those horrible names? The way he blamed Eric for everything? It made him wanna cry.

“But wait. How do you know so much about Ajax and me then?? Have you been spying on us all these years?” Eric questioned.

Ajax chuckled at the accusation. “No no no. Nothing like that. If anything I’ve tried to keep my distance from you two. I always thought you were a hot couple and I was a little obsessed with Ajax’s body. However I didn’t want to seem like that creepy neighbour you know?” He explained before continuing on. “No, the reason I know so much is because the swap also transfers a bunch of memories as well. It was really strange at first. I was remembering things about Ajax that I’d never experienced despite my memories claiming I had. Like the first time I went skiing a few years back and ended up falling dozens of times before getting right. I know that I didn’t do that but because the old Ajax did, it feels like I did as well. Same goes for most other memories. It’s pretty handy for convincing people that I’m the real Ajax honestly. Hell it took you about five days to figure it out and that was after that asshole came here screaming and shouting about body swaps!” He laughed again while pulling Eric closer joyously.

“Fuck… I don’t know what to say.” Eric mumbled. “Part of me wants to feel bad that you trapped him in your old body but at the same time he’d been turning into such an asshole recently and if he really said all that stuff to you then…” He sighed, hiding his face in his palms. “On the other hand I wanna be mad at you for tricking me and pretending to be him but…”

“But I’m better?” Ajax finished. “A better man than he ever was?” He got up and stood over Eric with a cocky yet irresistible look on his face. Putting his hands on his hips while proudly displaying his nude body. “Come on. Haven’t these last few days been proof enough of that?”

“Y-yeah.” Eric admitted. “These last few days have been amazing. You’re kinder than he was, more considerate, funnier, happier…” his gaze then shifted to his boyfriend's fat cock, still bucking between his legs excitedly. “Better at sex…”

“Exactly! Don’t you see? This is for the best!” Ajax claimed as he took a step closer. “I get to have a strong, handsome new body and you get a boyfriend who treats you the way you deserve to be treated.” He placed a hand gently on Eric’s cheek. “And fucks you the way you deserve to be fucked.” A thick glob of precum dribbled from his cock, making him feel like such a stud.

Eric did his best not to drool at the sight, trying to keep a level head in the moment. “I… uhmm…” He took a deep breath to compose himself. “But you stole most of his life. Isn’t that wrong?” He shuffled slightly while trying to look at the moral side of all this.

Ajax smiled softly. “Look. You said it yourself, the old Ajax was an asshole. He was horrible to you and was probably going to continue being horrible to other people. Do you really think a person like that deserved a body and life like this? Or you for that matter?” The body snatcher argued. “Besides at the end of the day what’s done is done. The spell I used is a once in a lifetime kinda deal. I couldn’t swap back with him or anyone else if I wanted. I’m Ajax forever now. Full stop.”

Eric took a moment to let it all sink in. Part of him still wanted to feel bad but the other part of him was strangely grateful. Grateful that his cold hearted boyfriend had been switched out for a much superior version. It was a lot to take in but the more he thought about it, the more he began to imagine himself and this new Ajax. No more constant arguing or toxicity. Instead being a happy and healthy couple that truly loves one another. And for the first time in years Eric could actually see a possible future where he marries this man…

“Good.” Eric stated, standing up and facing Ajax with a glimmer in his eye that the other man couldn’t quite decipher. “You’re right. He didn’t deserve this body. But you fucking do.” He reached out and gave one of Ajax’s biceps a squeeze whilst planting a kiss on one of his pecs. “You deserve all of his muscles. You deserve his stupidly handsome face. And most of all you deserve his fat cock!” With one swift movement, Eric gripped Ajax’s throbbing dick causing him to flinch and grunt slightly. Then without a moment to waste he pushed Ajax back down onto the bed of whom now looked equal parts surprised and amused.

“Ohohoo! Where did this come from??” He questioned after witnessing the sudden shift in Eric’s attitude. Not that he was complaining one bit as he watched Eric swiftly begin to undress.

“What can I say? The thought of the pervy old man from across the street stealing my hot boyfriend’s body is starting to turn me on.” Discarding the last of his clothes Eric hopped onto the bed, shuffling his way on top of Ajax until that thick cock he loved so much as nestled perfectly between his ass cheeks. Did he still feel bad for the original Ajax? A little. But if what his new boyfriend said was true then there was no going back anyway. But even if he could, why would he want to go back to having a terrible boyfriend that was probably going to dump him when he could have this instead.

Ajax grinned. “Well I certainly ain’t old anymore.” He reached down and grabbed his stiff manhood and lined it up with Eric’s hungry hole. “I’m young, dumb and full. of. cum.” With that he plunged his cock deep inside causing the couple to let out a unified groan.

“Oh GOD yes!” Eric wailed just as he always did when he took that dick and even more so these last few days. Resting his hands on Ajax’s hairy pecs as he tossed his head back, feeling the entire length filling him up.

“Pervy on the other hand? Maybe just a little.” The hunk smirked before grabbing his lover’s head and pulling him down before stuffing Eric’s nose into his pit. Forcing Eric to get a good whiff of his scent while he began moving his hips slightly.

“Mmmmmmmm… yeahhh!” Eric moaned as he finally pulled away from the sweaty pit. “I wish you’d done that sooner. I’ve always had a thing for his musk but he never let me smell his pits like that…”

“Heheh. I thought about it but I didn’t wanna give myself away too quickly.” Ajax admitted while reaching down and grabbing Eric's ass with both hands, using his strength to rhythmically bounce the other man on his cock. “But now that you know, I can share all my dirty little secrets with you.”

“Oh? Secrets like what?”

A mischievous grin spread across Ajax’s face. “Well. I said that I couldn't use that body swapping spell with anyone again. But that doesn’t mean you couldn’t use it…” He continued thrusting upwards into the bouncing ass, feeling the tight hole clenching around his cock with desire. “Not that you have to if you’re happy the way you are. But I’m just saying… it’s an option.”

Eric almost couldn’t believe it. Swapping bodies with someone else? Already his mind was swarming with possibilities. He wasn’t sure if he actually wanted to give up his own body or not but he had to admit the idea of becoming someone else sounded thrilling! A celebrity? An athlete? Or maybe even just a hot guy he happens to pass on the street!? The potential was endless. “I’ll certainly keep that in mind…”

With that the couple lent in and gave each other a deep kiss before really getting to business. Eric grinding his ass down against Ajax’s dick while the other man used all of his might to thrust up as far as he could. Then both long then found themselves maneuvering onto their sides with Ajax now taking up most of the responsibility. Slamming in as deep as possible to make sure he really punished Eric’s prostate with every thrust. But finally they ended up with Eric flat on the bed, gripping onto the bed sheets for dear life, as Ajax plunged down into him from above. Utilising every ounce of power his strong youthful body had to ruin his lover's hole. The wet sound of balls smacking filling the room along with seemingly endless moaning until Ajax’s load finally began to well up.

“Ohhh fuck! I’m gonna BLOW!” He warned as his thrusts became infrequent followed by a lengthy groan.

Right away Eric could feel his insides being splattered with seed. The walls of his ass were painted in so much thick cum that it started to leak out around Ajax’s cock and drip onto the bed below before he’d even had a chance to pull out.

After a minute or so Ajax wetly dislodged himself from the hole before collapsing to the side of Eric. “You have no idea how good it feels to have sex like that again.” He mumbled through heavy breaths. “Last time I was this young, being out and gay wasn’t so simple. I found it difficult to get a single discreet hook up, never mind a relationship…”

Eric smiled, looking over at his boyfriend as he felt the cum drooling from his hole. “All the more reason to make up for it now right?” He guided a cheeky hand towards Ajax’s backside before giving his gorgeous bubble ass a playful squeeze. “You know I wondered what it would be like to stick my cock inside his ass for a change.” He hinted. “The old Ajax always said he was an exclusive top who never wanted anything near his ass… This newer, and obviously far superior, Ajax wouldn’t happen to have a slightly different opinion on that now would he?”

Ajax was silent for a moment. He mulled over what Eric was so obviously hinting towards before turning his head slightly and giving him a raised eyebrow. “Fine. But get some lube. It’s gonna be a tight squeeze.”

If you love my stories then please consider supporting me on Patreon as well!! ❤️

[kidstemplatte]

papas reacting to fnaf

this is so silly but i’m a diehard fnaf fan. also i started thinking about the parallels between the afton and emeritus family and got rlly emotional LMAO. please enjoy teehee

primo

-you’re sitting at your computer, losing your fucking mind. why is night 4 so hard???

“let me try.” he says.

-you know he won’t get far, bless his heart, but you’ll let him give it a shot.

-little do you know, he’s an absolute BEAST

-he takes a seat at your desk and starts clicking.

so i… stop them?”

“yeah. just don’t let them get into the office.”

“the power’s going down.”

“yeah, when you use the cameras, turn on the lights, or use the doors, it’ll go down. then it’s game over.”

he nods.

-he’s weirdly quiet, clicking away, until you suddenly hear the joyous chimes indicating he’s survived until 6 am.

“is that all?” he goes.

-your mouth is literally agape, you’re in shock.

-it doesn’t scare him at all

-he starts playing the game at his office whenever he needs a break. doesn’t flinch.

-lowkey sheds a tear at henry’s speech.

-he doesn’t like security breach, he prefers the repetitiveness of the old games

-he takes the lore very seriously, like it’s a piece of fine literature LOL

-the story of the afton family is heartbreaking to him and he relates to it a tad </3

-his favorite game is the OG and his favorite character is freddy. he’s a simple man.

secondo

-“this is stupid. what am i supposed to- FUCK! SATANAS! STAI INDIETRO, CREATURA DISGOSTA!”

-he clears his throat.

“i was caught off guard.”

-he doesn’t want to watch the lore videos at first because he thinks it’s “childish” but soon is sucked in.

-watches the lore videos with you and is specifically fascinated with william aftons character.

-he likes kids so he’s immediately disgusted by the cruelty of his actions

-he makes it his life’s mission to unpack the psychology of william afton

-his favorite is fnaf 4, he likes the nightmare designs

-HATES BALLOON BOY. wants to punch him in the face.

-he’s not very good at the games and curses so loudly when he plays because he’s so determined to make it through the night 😭

terzo

-“five nights at freddy’s? why are you spending the night with freddy and not me?”😏

-terzo hates mascots so he’s already scared shitless.

-when he plays the game he talks to himself like a maniac.

“no. stay, bunny. do not move. you too, bear. WHERE DID THE CHICKEN COME FROM? no, let’s NOT eat- eat by yourself, chicken!”

-loses his mind at the jumpscares, screams like a little girl.

-but he’s so interested in the complexity of the lore

-terzo goes down internet rabbit holes late at night LMAO so he’s more than willing to watch lore videos with you

-bro had to do a double take when he saw toy chica💀

-“purple man? he has good taste, no?”

immediately takes it back when he finds out what his deal is

-hums the theme song while he’s at work.

-his favorite game is fnaf 2 (and it has nothing to do with toy chica)

copia

-take a shot every time i say this on my account:

copia is a big fat dork.

(but we all are too, and we love him for it)

-he doesn’t understand it’s scary at first. aww, look at the bear! clicks freddy’s nose on the poster over and over. “boing! boing! boing! boing! boing!”

-but as soon as he checks the cameras he’s like OH. i see what this is.

-he gets so stressed playing the game LMAO

-when you introduce him to the lore he’s so fascinated and deeply invested. it rattles his brain but he can’t get enough.

-the next morning after you watch a video with him he has deep eye bags. you find out he stayed up all night watching lore videos.

-soon he’s a diehard fan. he keeps merch in his office beside his comics and other collectibles.

-his favorite game is pizzeria simulator because he loves the non-scary part 😭

-he loves foxy because he’s “misunderstood”🥺

-and mangle, thinks it’s sad how the kids took her apart and put her back together :,(

-has all the plushies LOL

[gayuu-the-necromancer]

William Rex Madness Route - Chapter 25

｡⋆｡˚🦋˚｡⋆｡

"These are all the sins of William Rex that I have seen as a Fairy Tale Master."

"In addition----"

(....Okay, done!)

Since that night, when the case against Grimsley was solved,

I sat down to finish the last lines of my report, which I had spent several days writing.

(It's gotten a lot thicker)

I have an appointment later this evening to submit this report to Victor.

Today is the end of my time as Fairy Tale Master, the first day of the new month.

(...Mm? That sound----)

Suddenly, I hear a familiar sound from behind my door and I listened carefully.

Steady hard sole hitting the floor, gentle footsteps sound were approaching.

It is the only footsteps that makes my heart pound.

(On second thoughts)

A light knock on the door confirms my expectations and I can't help but smile.

Kate: "Come in, William."

When I rushed to the door to see him without waiting any longer, he raised his one eyebrow happily.

William: "Next time, if I want to surprise you, I'll have to be more quiet."

Kate: "Fufu, you right."

William's fingertips tickled my ears, as if he was praising me for remembering the sounds of his footsteps.

Looking down at me, who is laughing at the tickle, William tilted his head.

William: "Did you finish writing your report?"

Kate: "Yep. Just in time. Thankfully."

Pointing with my gaze at the bundle of papers on the desk.

William: "Ohh...That's quite a lot of papers, I see."

William: "Did I commit that many crimes in one month?"

William: "I heard you've painted a very wordy picture of my misdeeds."

William squints with satisfaction, as if to celebrate a joyous achievement,

I was so happy----

-----Options------

Bend my knees slightly and bow.

Puff out my chest exaggeratedly

Smile and nod.

--------

That I puff out my chest exaggeratedly.

Kate: "Yep. You're a brutal, atrocious and a deadly sinner."

William: "Fufu....I'm lucky to have such a good spokesperson in my life."

Kate: "Mmm...."

The lingering lips of a laugh lightly touch my cheek.

The kiss was soft and fragile, and my chest made a soft sound.

It only takes one kiss to make me soar and get hot to the tips of my ear.

It's evidence that this whole body knows it's 'good' to be loved by him.

William: "It's about time you met up with Brian."

Kate: "Eh?....Oh my gosh, really!?"

William: "You have an appointment with Brian Bennett....then Victor. You are very busy today, huh?"

William: "Don't fall down the rabbit hole in a hurry."

Kate: "I'll be very careful, because the most exciting appointment is waiting for me at the end of the day."

William: "Don't worry about it. Even I'm going to be a bit busy today. I have an urgent mission."

Kate: "Eh!?"

｡⋆｡˚🦋˚｡⋆｡

Kate: "Eh!?"

(Urgent mission...)

Kate: "Oh...so are you cancelling the dinner tonight....?'

William: "Of course not. You know I'm selfish, don't you?"

William: "I won't be so auspicious as to choose between the mission and a date with you."

William: "I'll have it done by the time you get back to the castle."

Kate: ".....Nn..Mm...."

William: "Mm?"

Kate: "....Hearing that makes me so happy that I want to kiss you."

William: "....I'm ready."

Kate: ".....But, I'm sure it won't end with just a kiss and then we both would be late for our respective appointments, so...."

William: "Hahaha!

-----The 'Mad Tea Party' house which had been temporarily closed due to the newspaper article that caused a public uproar, reopened its doors a few days ago.

When Mr. Brian heard rumors of the reopening he was quicker than anyone else to rush in.

The injured of the Tower of London were being escorted to the Royal Hospital by William's men.

Mr. Brian had slipped out of a special ward.

He was running around with a sore leg to get his words out to the public.

I don't know what conversation William and Mr. Brian had.

But I know that William would have laughed when he heard the story and said, 'That's very Brian.'

Somehow, I could imagine it.

Mr. Brian said he would like to talk to me in person.

Kate: "....Are you worried? About me meeting Mr. Brian."

While picking up my handbag, I cast a glance at him.

(Can't you at least be a little jealous or worried....?)

Even now that I know that William loves me.

I want to see the 'special things' he pours out, only for me.

It's an extraordinary sweet treat that only I get.

William: "Hmmm....."

With a serious expression on his face, William slid his hand down my cheek and lifted my chin.

Kate: "Nn....?"

William: "There is a good chance he'll make a pass at you...you are a charmer after all."

Kate: "Eh....Ah...."

(The reaction was somewhat different from what I expected...)

My face heats up with praise, shyly.

William: ".....Besides, he is your 'hero' and you are his 'biggest fan' too...."

His eyes squint and the tempo of my heartbeat changes.

Kate: ".....T-That's....right..."

William: "..........."

William: ".....Even taking all that into account, I'm not worried."

Kate: "Hm?"

William let me go with a snap and turned on his heel, smiling as usual.

William: "See you tonight."

Kate: "Ah! .....But....!"

Leaving me shrugging my shoulders, William gallantly disappears through the doors.

William sees through my special needs and plays with it.

The unfulfilled desires that have been left unchecked, simmer.

I know it's going to get thicker and deeper.

But I also want my favorite person to taste it.

(Even if we become partners, William will always stay the same....)

(Gentle, dangerous, free, selfish and enigmatic)

And I am in love with him every day.

｡⋆｡˚🦋˚｡⋆｡

Brian: "....! Miss Kate."

When I walked through the door of the cafe, the meeting spot, a fearless red-haired man stood up from his chair.

Kate: "Mr. Brian, it's been a while. How are your legs?"

Brian: "Look who's talking! Are you...okay?"

Kate: "I'm all better now. I was lucky that the wounds were shallow and did not reach my internal organs."

Brian: "I see....that's good....."

Mr. Brian collapsed and sat down in his chair.

(You've been really, really worried about me...for a long time, right?)

We sat down opposite each other and ordered a cake and a cup of tea.

Mr. Brian straightened his back and turned to me.

Brian: "....And if I hadn't been swayed by Grimsley to write that article, Count Rex's friends wouldn't have been arrested."

Brian: "You also wouldn't have to gotten....hurt like that. I'm really sorry...."

Kate: "Don't apologize. I know you were only following your heart!"

Kate: "Your articles are always....filled with a desire to reduce the number of people being hurt."

Kate: "The words you write are filled with your thoughts and feelings without any falsehoods."

Kate: "That's why people who read it, doubted William at first, and then when you wrote the new article.......the people are once again believing in his innocence."

Kate: "....It's because of that, that I became a fan of you."

Brian: ".....Nmm.."

Kate: "Besides, you've already apologized to the whole of London."

Brian: ".....Haha. I came here....prepared to be blamed, but I didn't expect....to be encouraged like this."

(Thank god, he finally laughed)

Kate: "I have no reason to blame you."

Brian: "....You've changed. I feel like I every time I look at you...."

Brian: "You look much better than how you were before...."

Waitress: "Excuse me. I brought you some chiboust and mille-feuille glace."

Brian: "! .....Ah."

Kate: "Thank you."

(Ah strawberries)

Mr. Brian asked for chiboust with bright red fruit on top.

My mouth loosened involuntarily at the sight of them, as I thought about William's smiling face saying 'It's my favorite.'

When I see the thing liked by my favorite person, that's all is enough to bring a smile to my face.

The strawberries on the cake looked like a treasure.

Brian: "...Do you like strawberries? Here, you can have mine if you like."

Kate: "Eh? Ah no no no!"

(Did I look like I wanted to eat it? How embarrassing....)

Kate: "I'm sorry, I was just...remembering William telling me how much he liked strawberries."

Brian: "....O-Oh.."

............

After a few casual conversations, we left the store.

Staring at the sallow-colored city, Mr. Brian muttered.

Brian: "I...thought I was doing the right thing and didn't even question it."

Brian: "The idea of carrying out justice for the masses....is an outrageous conceit."

Brian: "Count Rex must have real justice on his shoulders. I wonder if that's why you wanted to protect him."

Kate: "Real justice...?"

Mr. Brian's words made me realise that he had been grossly misled.

(Sensible, understanding...'well-behaved exemplary delivering person')

(I would never love an evil person unless I was crazy enough to do so)

(......Maybe 'I inside him' is also the same)

Kate: "Mr. Brian, that's not true."

Brian: "....? Then?"

Kate: "William is a bad person, and a greatly evil one."

Brian: ".....!"

Brian: "Hahaha....okay okay..."

Brian: "No wonder my persuasion didn't resonate with you."

Mr. Brian said this in a clear voice and laughed.

｡⋆｡˚🦋˚｡⋆｡

The Crown Castle, sinking into the dusk is so beautiful that it leaves one speechless.

I returned to the Castle, admiring its grandeur

I wore my dress for the date, took my report and went to see Victor.

After receiving the report and looking it over carefully Victor looked up.

Victor: "Okay, the report. Hmm....this is.."

Victor: "The last page is missing."

Kate: ".....Yes. I left the last page like that because I'm not done yet."

Victor seemed to have understood what I'm trying to say.

His jewel-like eyes sparkled, looking straight at me.

Victor: "Then...can you say it in words for me? What do you want to do now, Kate?"

Kate: "...Yes."

I gently placed my hand on my heart and folded my knees slightly.

Kate: "I would like to remain in this Castle, as the fairy tale master."

Victor: ".....I've known for a long time now that you love William and want to be there to protect him."

Victor: "But....why do you wanna continue being a fairy tale master?"

Kate: "To conquer the evil with evil."

Evil will not be crushed. Sad scenes will not cease.

The world keeps on turning filled with so many unvoiced screams.

(So I want to write down William's evil)

(The more feel his sins.....the more I love him)

(I'm sure it will touch the hearts of those who reads it)

Kate: "If only I could write down William's penetrating evil as a potent, posthumous poison by my own hands...."

Kate: "I don't think I could be happier."

The last page that has not been submitted has already been spelled out.

"This is all the sins of William that I have seen as a fairy tale master."

"And with your presumption, Her Majesty the Queen, I hereby note my selfish wish."

"As he once said, there is nothing more sinful than killing people."

"Sin is always a sin. With that unshakable fact I write him down as a great sinner."

"But he who values liberty and condemns as evil to those who tramples on it, and judges him with self-righteousness."

"I love him with all my heart."

"I want so much to protect him from the punishment that will eventually come to him for the sins he commits."

"This wish, I meant after the punishment has been inflicted."

"If one day our sins are punished...we would like you to write down what happened to us..."

"Fairy tales end only when evil is judged."

"That this report will be completed with a sad conclusion, a spoonful of poison to admonish the wicked."

"From the bottom if my heart my prayers are with you."

------Before long, the sun drops beyond the horizon.

A creeping darkness envelops my body.

Victor: "Welcome, Kate."

The Grim Reaper smiled solemnly, his arms outstretched like the night darkness that covers the sky.

Victor: ".....Welcome to the darkness."

｡⋆｡˚🦋˚｡⋆｡

A light melody can be heard from somewhere.

A light, joyful sound echoing in the dark night when there is no sound of the wind makes my heart skip a beat.

The sound of my own footsteps in the polished corridor mingles with the melody of the piano.

I feel as if I'm dancing.

(If life is a fairy tale, it's easy to be happy. Just don't do anything we aren't allowed to do.)

(Like, don't enter the forests you mustn't enter, doors you mustn't open, secrets you mustn't know-----)

----Don't fall in love.

Kate: "William."

The man who plays the piano so gracefully was just like the night we first met,

He slowly stood up and extended his hand to me.

William: "Come here, my robin."

My feet began to move towards him.

Because I already know the pleasure of being touched by those blood-coloured fingertips.

Kate: "....Did I bother you?"

William: "No. I was playing it to lure you out and it worked as intended.."

He pulled my hips gently as if we were waltzing.

The urges I'd been holding back before we went out, made me pull him closer to me.

Kate: "Mm...."

Before I could say anything, my lips were stolen.

William: "....Mm..fufu...."

Kate: "...What....?"

William: "No...if you wanted me to stay, you don't have to be reluctant."

William: "You asked me if we could do something passionate as soon as I get back...."

William: "....I don't have time to wait."

Kate: "Ah....."

When I heard that, I was so excited that my skin trembled.

Kate: ".....William...."

William: "Mm....?"

Kate: "If you do this....we will be...late for dinner...."

My voice fades slightly at the end, clearly filled with the joy of being touched.

William lets out a throaty chuckle, as if he was amused.

William: "....You're a naughty girl."

William: "You're tyring to make me a bad guy by provoking me like that----"

Kate: "....Ah...."

His sweet whispers invite my true feelings.

The warmth of his palm, his breathing, the scent of roses that surrounds his whole body.

Everything he gives me absorbs into my body.

It stirs up and exposes the tender parts deep within.

Like a deadly poison.

(....More)

(I want to touch you more)

(I want to feel you more)

No matter how 'wrong' it is----

------Because it's a 'good thing' for me.

William: "Come...let go of everything and fall with me."

Kate: "....Yes, William."

Kate: "I'll go anywhere with you..."

William: "....That's my robin."

From the back alleys dripping with rain, from the surface of the deep dark water from the steamy station.

I feel like someone or something is calling me....

As if singing, with a graceful melody.

I will no longer defy the voice that calls me.

The voice of this heart, whispering----

Be free to sing for you and your love.

Madness route - Epilogue

[wardenparker]

Down the Rabbit Hole - Epilogue

Jack ‘Whiskey’ Daniels x female reader Co-written with @absurdthirst​

When Jack accidentally shoots a civilian on a mission he takes on not only the guilt of the man’s death, but inherits his soulmate as well. To you, it’s a dream job with more perks than you can imagine - but for Jack it’s a nightmarish complication. Even more so when he starts to develop feelings.  

Rating: Mature, but this blog is always 18+   Word Count: 7k   Warnings: Family reunion, pregnancy, references to deceased spouse/child, cemetery visit, character death, vague afterlife references. Summary: Jack’s birthday on the ranch is celebrated with a new surprise.  Notes: This story has been so near and dear to my heart, and my absolute love of one sweet cowboy has made it even more precious. A few people have asked and there is always a possibility of coming back to revisit our soulmate pairs, so we’ll just have to see if these two have any more stories to tell in the future. Until then - stay tuned for a preview of the next soulmate story - The Viper’s Bride - later today!

Ch 1 ~ Ch 2 ~ Ch 3 ~ Ch 4 ~ Ch 5 ~ Ch 6 ~ Ch 7 ~ Ch 8 ~ Ch 9 ~ Ch 10 ~ Ch 11 ~ Ch 12 ~ Ch 13 ~ Ch 14 ~ Ch 15 ~ Epilogue

"Grammy! Grampa!" The shout goes up through the house – two little voices in unison as the front door of the ranch house swings open and two sets of stampeding feet come thundering toward the front hall at top speed. Even though you and Jack are moving a bit slower these days, it's nice to see family, especially for an occasion like this one. The fact that all the two of you have to do is show up is something of a fringe benefit. The other half of your entourage is right behind you, as Jackson won't let you or his father carry your bags into the house from the truck. He's greeted with an equal screech of "UNCLE JACK!" and your two grandkids veer slightly off course immediately to launch themselves at their uncle.

“Already replaced.” Jack pouts, rolling his eyes playfully as the kids clamber all over the youngest. “Jane still loves us. Jane? Honey? Where are you?”

"We're not as fun to climb on as Uncle Jack is," you chuckle under your breath as your younger child stands tall for his two nephews to climb all over like a tree in the yard.

"Dad?" The voice from the kitchen is loud enough to be heard over the din without shouting. "Mom? I'll be right out; I'm just putting the finishing touches on the cake!"

Jack chuckles when your face falls, obviously hoping to get here before she had made dessert. “You know it’s coconut cake.” He murmurs, pressing his lips to your leathery cheek. The years have been kind to you, still as gorgeous as the day he had tucked tail and ran from you.

"Of course it is. My baby knows what she's about." That sense of pride in your children is as bright as it was for their first smile, first laugh, first step, first word – first anything. Jackson might be the one running the restaurant with you now, but his older sister is something of a miracle in the kitchen in her own right.

"You made it!" When Jane appears from around the corner a second later, her apron is covered in all the evidence of an enormous project gone very right and there's coconut flakes still under her fingernails, but she's smiling as wide as can be and holding out her arms to hug both of her parents at once. "Happy birthday, Daddy."

“Thank you, honey.” Jack doesn’t deny his birthday anymore, doesn’t insist that it’s not to be celebrated. The parties that have been held have been a joyous reminder of the life he has now, a bittersweet remembrance of what could have been, but the ache has lessened over the years with the annual visits to Daniels Ranch. “Kacey still workin’ or is he around?” He asks.

"I barely got him inside twenty minutes ago, so he should be out of the shower soon." Jane squeezes you both tight and smiles, happy despite being tired. That's motherhood in a nutshell. "His family should be on their way right about now. They didn’t want to overwhelm you by taking over the house right when you arrived but they promised not to be late for dinner."

“Hope he’s ready to drink some whiskey and lose money to me after the kids get to bed.” Jack chuckles, having brought a few bottles from the distillery.

"Kayce's on a budget this year." Your daughter rolls her eyes fondly and laughs. "I don't need him losing the house during the poker party after I just redid the kids' bathroom."

Jack snorts and grins at his eldest child. The long-standing joke about betting the house always amuses him. Jane had found she was soulmates with Aiden’s grandson when they were just nine and ten years old. So every summer they had come back, making sure the young soulmates had a solid foundation and the boy liked ranching better than farming. He now ran Daniels Ranch and the board had been dissolved just a few years ago.

"What can we help with, sweetheart?" Despite Jack teasing you that it's perfectly okay to slow down and even consider retiring now that you've officially passed into senior citizen status, you just can't help yourself. No matter where you are or what you're doing, you have to dig your hands in.

“Nothing.” Jane is just like you, a consummate entertainer. Loving to provide good food and good times for those she loves.

"I don't know how you do it." You shake your head and give Jane another hug just as you hear footfalls on the stairs in the next room. "When you and your brother were that little I was throwing potlucks and pool parties. You've got your great-grandma in you. She could do absolutely anything with perfect style."

“Mom, come on.” She snorts rolling her eyes. “The only reason you did that was because dad put his foot down about you not running yourself ragged.”

"Then somebody ought to tell that husband of yours—" The exaggerated words come with a smile, knowing Kayce can hear you from the stairs. "That he ought to be helping out, too!"

“Sorry.” Kayce rubs a hand through his still damp hair and grins sheepishly. “Had a problem with the calves out in pasture twelve. They keep escaping and turning up in the creek.”

"Don't trouble yourself, honey. We just got in." It's not that you have favourites by any means – but if you could have chosen a son-in-law by hand, you certainly couldn't have chosen anyone kinder or more loving for your only daughter than Kayce. "The boys are already climbing on their uncle, and Janie didn't leave a thing for me to help with. So I have nothing to do but give out hugs, I suppose."

“Well, I can accept one of those.” Kayce holds his arms out and wraps them around you for a hug. “Thank you for coming. It’s so hard to get away. And I know this is tradition.”

"We wouldn't have missed it for the world." Turning around to find where Jack's gone, you smirk when you see that he's snuck into the kitchen to admire his birthday cake and swipe a finger through the frosting bowl.

“Daddy!” Jane huffs, turning around to see where you are looking. “What?” Jack cries, pretending he hadn’t just stolen some frosting. “I had to test it! You know that’s my role.”

"He's worse than the kids," you laugh, shaking your head at him before looking back at Jane and Kayce. "At least let me help set the table? Don't make your Mama feel useless."

Jane narrows her eyes at you for a moment before she sighs, relenting. She knows how it can be to want to help and be told it’s not necessary. All while watching someone run around. “The birthday china.” She gestures towards the large cabinet along the wall.

“The birthday china.” Grateful to not be relegated to the position of old lady who sits in a chair just yet, you hustle into the kitchen while you listen to Jack play with your grandsons out in the other room. What the family calls ‘birthday china’ is actually the beautiful china dinnerware that Jack and Abigail had received as a wedding gift that had been relegated to the house’s cupboards and left behind when Jack left for Louisville so many decades ago. Now it is used consistently, every time there is an adult birthday to celebrate on the ranch.

Jack walks back into the dining room to watch you fuss over the place settings with a fond smile. Wrapping his arm around his daughter and squeezing her against him. He might not be as strong as he had been when she was a little girl, but he is thankful that Ginger has managed to keep all of you spry. “Thank you, honey.” He murmurs softly. “This is just what we needed.”

“You can come up as often as you want, Dad. You know that.” Jane settles against her father comfortably, always having been a bit of a Daddy’s girl and enjoying the comfortable presence of having him close by. “You are retired now. Even if Mom refuses to.”

“I know.” He shakes his head. “Still can’t get her out of that kitchen. It’s her baby now that you two are grown.”

"It was her baby even before we were born," she laughs softly. "That restaurant is my older sibling, and also somehow my brother's baby." The Rabbit-Hole, she always says, is just another member of the family.

“It’s woven into the fabric of our lives and most of your memories.” Jack admits, praying that his children are happy with their lives. He had given them the opportunities to do whatever they wanted and yet each of them had chosen a path that was damn near a family legacy.

"And some day when Jackson finally finds his soulmate, it'll be part of their kids' lives, too." It's more or less an open secret in the family, what Statesman is all about. And because they are so aware of the inner workings, Jackson always likes to say that his soulmate must be one of the agents. Who knows whether or not it's true, but it certainly does speak to his mischievous heart.

“That boy is just as stubborn as I was.” He chuckles, shaking his head as he looks over at where he’s rough housing with the boys.

"If we thought he'd be happy without knowing them, that would be one thing," Jane shrugs with sympathy in her eyes. "But I know he wants to find them. It'll happen eventually." After all, she knows how lucky she is. If Kayce hadn't broken his arm when he was ten, they might not have known they were soulmates until they were much older.

“He would be. He’s a romantic at heart.” Jackson doesn’t say much about it, but Jack knows the boy’s worried. He doubts the kid doesn’t have a soulmate, he’s just sure they’re playing hard to find.

“It’ll happen.” Jane hums confidently, always seeming like she knows something the rest of the family doesn’t. Her Mona Lisa smile always keeps everyone guessing. “Why don’t you get settled, Daddy? Aiden and Sheila should be here soon and we can all tuck in to this big birthday dinner.” She grins at him. “I’m gonna tell Kayce to get the grill going.”

“Shit.” Jack pouts at his daughter. “I’m gunna drink a beer and advise the boy on how to cook those steaks perfectly.” He teases with a wink. He tries not to interfere, but he’ll give his son-in-law a hard time on principle alone.

“Shocking that you would do such a thing,” Jane teases, waving her father off to follow the sound of roughhousing so she can say hello to her little brother. Though adulthood has kept them apart for a few years now, they still talk mostly every day and remain as thick as thieves.

Stopping by the fridge, Jack grabs two beers, knowing Kayce will want one as well. Grilling is horrible thirsty work and it seems only right to do it with a beer in your hand. Stepping outside, he watches as the younger man lights the grill. “Reports from the ranch have been really good.” He offers, striding over to hold out the beer. “Seems like everything’s going alright?” It’s a statement and a question. Giving Kayce an opening to talk about anything that’s on his mind.

“Can’t complain.” The younger man takes the bottle that’s offered to him gratefully and nods, looking out over the back yard of the much-larger ranch house since he finished the last set of renovations. “We just hired on two more permanent sets of hands.” He looks to his father-in-law curiously. “You remember the Pruitt family? They say they’ve been in the valley as long as the Daniels have, but that could just be big talk.”

“Pruitt...Pruitt…” Jack hums as he thinks back, looking over the yards towards the barns and bunkhouses. “Think I remember them. Seems like they were always kinda down on their luck?”

"Long as I've known them, yeah." Methodical in his work, Kayce goes about setting up the grill while the two men talk. He'd always thought of Jack Daniels as an unofficial uncle right up until the day he realized he was in love with Janie, and it had saved him a whole heap of fears that seemingly all of his friends had gone through with their own fathers-in-law. "Anyway, the two boys are just out of high school. They've been helping us during the season for years and gettin' pretty good with the work, so we were glad to take them on full time."

“I trust you made a good decision then.” Kayce has always had a good head on his shoulders and thought about the future. “You’ve done a damn fine job runnin’ this place.”

"We need everything to be running smoothly." The sheepish grin that Kayce flashes his father-in-law is broad. "Three kids is going to be a lot of energy running around this place and until they're old enough to be helping hands themselves, Janie wants to make sure I have the hands I need."

“Three—” Jack stops, a grin immediately blooming across his face and he reaches out to slap Kayce on the back. “Pretty soon you’re gunna have your own baseball team out here.” He chuckles, proud about another grandchild. “Anyone else know yet?”

"Not yet." Puffing up proudly, Kayce leans back on the porch railing and lets his smile take over. "Jane wants to tell everyone at once, but I figured...it's your birthday. Getting to be the first to know is like an extra gift."

“It damn sure is.” Jack beams, nodding in agreement. “‘Though I’ll let her think you didn’t say a word.” He promises, looking off towards the Daniels plot. Where Abigail and Timmy are resting. “Been thinking about things for a while.” Jack admits after a moment of silence between them. “I want to make sure that the trust for the ranch is in yours and Jane’s hands. Completely take it over.”

He wants to say that it isn't necessary. That he doesn't mind working for his wife's father. Because he doesn't – not really. It's a big company and a big responsibility to have the running of the whole thing. But Kayce also knows he can manage it now. After a whole childhood of watching his father run the family farm and being privy to all the ins and outs of Daniels Ranch, he and Jane can handle a big family and an even bigger business. They have the right know how and support system for that. "I'm honored that you trust us with the legacy," is what is says instead, looking to Jack with a nod. "This place is a hell of a responsibility and you know we take that seriously."

“I know you do, which is why you and Jane are the right fit for this place.” Jack huffs. “Something about working for yourself that makes it extra satisfying too. You – you have the spirit of a Daniels.”

"It helps that you were there every summer while I was growing up." Though the visits were never too long they always happened, and the two families had been close for practically Kayce's entire life. Getting visits from his grandparents' good friends had just been a thing that happened and it never seemed odd to him – and then he broke his arm in peewee football and all hell broke loose in their families as people started celebrating the fact that he'd have a scar from the surgery to fix it.

“It took a long time to be able to come back here. Your granddaddy’s sister used to love this place.” Of course Kayce knows the family history and respects it. “Figure that same blood runs through your veins as well. It calls to this place, and I’ve never had a doubt in my mind you were the perfect match for my little girl.”

"That little girl is a mischievous woman now." Moving while he talks means Kayce is pulling steaks from the cooler and counting things out to make sure he has enough of all the right cuts for the adults before he starts pulling out burger patties for the kids. "She's dead set on playing matchmaker for her brother. I keep telling her it'll happen when it's meant to."

“She just wants to see him happy.” Jack can’t blame her. She’s so settled in and focused on her life and the joy that she obtains from it, it’s not hard to want that for her little brother. “Plus, she likes to meddle. Too much like her mama.” He chuckles, turning and admiring you through the glass.

"Nothing wrong with that." After all, Jane's similarities to her mother were obvious just as easily as looking at her. "And I think...with being expecting again and all...she's enjoying the domesticity of the thing. First trimester's been a hell of a lot easier this time than with the boys, which has her thinking it might be a girl."

“A little girl.” Jack smiles and chuckles. “Oh I can’t wait to spoil her then.” He enjoyed having a little girl, and he knows Kayce will too.

“We won’t know for sure for a few weeks.” It doesn’t matter though; he knows he’ll love any child that he and Jane welcome into their family. “If it is, she’ll have two very protective brothers looking out for her.”

“Yes she will.” As rough as the boys could be, they were equally protective of each other. He has no doubt that would extend to another sibling. “She’ll hate it when she’s older.”

“She might,” Kayce admits with a laugh. “But her mama and I sure won’t.”

Jack can’t deny that, humming happily as he watches the meat sizzle on the grill. Life is damn good, especially for a man who never envisioned having this at one point in his life.

"You boys plotting the crime of the century out here?" When you stick your head outside to see how things are moving along, it's obvious that Jack and Kayce are just enjoying the afternoon together in peace, something that you're pleased to see every single time. "Kayce, your parents just got here, honey. Grandparents are on the way, they said."

“Yes ma’am, thank you.” Kayce nods towards you and then closes the lid on the grill. “We might as well go say hi. It’ll be a while.”

"Known the boy since he was in diapers, and he still calls me ma'am." You shake your head as Kayce walks past you into the house and hold your hand out to Jack. "Everything going well?"

“Everything’s coming up roses, sugar.” Jack hums, moving over to take your hand and pull you into his arms for a kiss. “Have I told you today that I love you?”

"Only twice." Decades later, you still melt a little every time Jack holds you tight. But it's still always so easy to tease him. "You're slipping a little, honey."

“Damn, I’ll have to tell you again.” He presses his lips to yours gently. “I love you, sugar. I wouldn’t have this life without you. I wouldn’t be here right now if it weren’t for you.”

"Happy birthday, Jack." Every year it got a little easier, until the bittersweet memories turned nostalgic and the day was no longer one to dread. Now it's a day for smiles and cake, for presents and playing with the kids – and then grandkids. It's a day that he's happy to wake up on instead of dreading. "I love you. So much."

“I love you too, sugar.” Jack promises, smiling at you. “And you’re gonna love our present today. It’s something for both of us.”

"Oh yeah?" You laugh a little, nudging your nose against his. "Did they replace the sleeper sofa with a great big, fluffy mattress for us?"

Jack snorts, shrugging. “I don’t know, that sleeper sofa is comfortable. And I’m not letting our daughter try to take it again.”

"I'm going to remind you that you said it was comfortable when you back hurts in the morning." It's just a little tease, but you can't help it. Enough years and decades with Jack and the joy in being together still hasn't faded from your relationship.

“I don’t think I’ll be complaining this time.” Jack predicts with a grin. “Only complaint you’ll get out of me is if she can’t have coffee in the house anymore.”

It takes a second, but your head tilts curiously just in time for the shit eating grin to spread across Jack's face. "No?" You're beaming right along with him in no time. "Number three? Really?"

“Just told me.” Jack nods. “He’s about to puff up out of his chest he’s a proud as a peacock.” He chuckles, knowing he had been just a proud when you were pregnant with Jane and Jackson.

"Are we the last or the first to find out?" Jane and Kayce have always been so proud of their family each time it's grown, you can't imagine that they wouldn't make a very big deal about letting people know. Kayce must have been busting at the seams to tell someone.

“The first.” Jack admits. “Kayce told me it’s because it’s my birthday.”

That earns him an amused giggle from you, and you shake your head fondly. "Granddaddy's privilege, that's what that is. Come on, love. Your daughter wants to know what else you want to do this week but hang around the house with the boys."

“Do you want to go with me to visit them?” Jack always asks. Even now. Never wanting you to feel uncomfortable, so it’s always a question. You’ve always come with him, but he won’t be upset if you wanted to stay and visit with Jane and the kids this time.

"Of course I do." He always asks, and your answer is always the same. "I've got to keep her updated on all the things you leave out of your stories." The gentle smile on your lips tips upward, and you lean forward to press your forward against his. "I know she's up there with Timmy and Grandma Jane and my parents looking down on us, but I still only get to talk to her once a year. It's tradition."

“It is tradition.” Jack smiles softly. “I want to be buried here.” He admits. “With you, if you want it. Surrounded by my soulmates.”

"I guess I always assumed you would be." In fact, no other alternative had ever really occurred to you. Not in all the years that have gone by. "It's your whole family up there. I always figured we would join them eventually."

“I didn’t know if you’d want that.” Jack won’t disrespect your own wishes. You have a say in this too.

Your fingers lace through his as easily as they did the very first time, and you let that soft smile warm through you. "I want to be with you. In this life and for whatever happens next."

“Whatever happens next.” The commotion inside causes him to turn towards the door and he grins. “Looks like Aiden and Sheila are here. Want to go say howdy?”

"We better, before Jane comes to get us." There's time to steal a quick kiss, but you're still smiling excitedly. "If she's waiting to tell everybody all at once, she'll be itching to give the news as soon as she can."

“Remember to act surprised.” Jack smacks your ass playfully as he guides you towards the door. “And I still want some birthday sex later on.”

He manages to get a little chirp of surprise out of you, and you just laugh. "Of course, cowboy."

“Damn straight.” Re-entering the house to join the chaos, hugs and back slaps are exchanged. Aiden’s claims that Jack’s getting old are countered by good natured ribbing about how only one of them is a great-grandparent. A testimony to how far Jack had come in his journey to healing from the loss of Abigail and Timmy.

You help Jane pass drinks around, still an entertainer at heart, and pretty soon even the kids have settled a little. "So, of course we know that everybody is here for Dad's birthday dinner," she beams at her assembled family, smile burning even brighter when you go to sit next to Jack and Kayce takes your place by her side. "But we just wanted to say thank you for coming and...give everyone a little bit of news."

Jack manages to school his expression to look just as expectant as everyone else around the table. “What’s goin’ on honey.”

The boys look positively bored, but Jane smiles at her young sons and beams out at the rest of her family. "Well..." She blows out a breath and squeezes her soulmate's hand. "In about seven and a half months...Jamie and Carter are going to be big brothers."

The squeals of happiness and gawfs of surprise are loud, making it a rush to jump up and hug Jane and shake Kayce’s hand or slap him on the back. The comedy of the scene is your two young grandsons clamoring to get to their mother as soon as possible, with five-year-old Jamie placing both hands on Jane's belly and informing his three-year-old little brother in his wisest tone possible that the baby can hear everything as long as you talk right at Mommy's belly button.

"At least he's chosen that as the speaker and not something else," you joke, going to put your arms around Jane and give her a tight hug. "Congratulations, Janie. You must be completely over the moon, huh?"

“Excited and wondering what the heck we were thinking.” Language is censored for the boys, considering Jamie had informed the youngest that ‘son of a bitch’ was the pain when you hurt your hand.

“You were thinking how much you love the baby phase,” you stifle a laugh so the boys don’t overhear. “They’re adorable before they learn ‘no’.”

“That word is going to be banned.” She rolls her eyes and laughs, still beaming as her hand caresses her stomach.

“I’m going to take you out for a little pampering while I’m here,” you promise her, remembering how much work two little ones was. She’ll be in it deep with three. “Shopping, eating out, even a pedicure while you can still see your toes. Mom and daughter day. What do you say?”

“That sounds wonderful.” Jane would never suggest that you leave Kentucky, the restaurant still your baby, but sometimes a girl just needs her mom. Especially when she’s pregnant.

“A whole day. Your Dad and brother can hang back with the boys or help Kayce out on the ranch.” Laying a kiss in her hair, you end up sniffling back a few proud tears. “You’re an amazing mama, Janie. I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you, mom.” Jane hugs you again. “I will take that as the highest of compliments coming from you. You set the bar very high.”

“We come from a long line of good moms. We got lucky that way.” Pressing a kiss to her hair, you step back before you can get too emotional, and wipe an errant drop of water from your cheek. “Gettin’ sentimental in my old age,” you joke. Everyone is well aware that you’ve always been sentimental.

“I want you and dad to come out when the baby’s due.” Jane automatically requests, just like you have been present for the others. She knows it’s a given, but you also don’t push and want her to call the shots.

“If you want us there, consider it done.” You hadn’t missed the births of your first two grandchildren and you certainly wouldn’t miss the third.

“I do.” Jane grins. “I think this might be the last one, from us anyway.”

“And three is a wonderful number. You’ll always be busy and you’ll have a house full of love for a very long time to come.” The way she just radiates happiness doesn’t make the wheels turning in her mind, though. You’re her mother. You taught those wheels which direction to move in. “But go easy on your brother, okay honey? He’s doing amazingly at the restaurant and he’s happy there.”

“I won’t say a word.” She promises. “I’m just worried about him.”

“I know, honey.” Spending half your lifetime always worried about your children because you love them means you have complete sympathy for that. “But he’ll find who he wants to be with. Soulmate or otherwise.”

“You’re right. I know.” Jane looks over at where Jackson is talking to Kayce’s grandparents and smiles. “As long as he’s happy.”

******

It’s that evening when you park the truck on the hill on the east side of the property, absorbing the last of the August sunshine as you both step out of the cab to visit Abigail and Timmy. It’s almost like going to see an old friend after so many years of this, and you still take Jack’s hand in yours to give it a supportive squeeze before stepping up to the matching headstones.

There is now a bench off to the side, allowing for a lengthier visit, or for Jack to sit down if his back is sore. “Hey, sweetheart.” Jack smiles as he sees how neatly Kayce has kept the family plot. He and Jane had taken over the flower gardens planted around the two headstones since Aiden wasn’t able to come out as often as he had when he was a younger man. “Told you that we’d be back.”

He says it every time, as though Abigail was there raising an eyebrow in surprise to see him, and you always chuckle a little. “Brought you a daisy,” you murmur as you put the flower down - your own tradition that has never faltered. “And some news.”

“Of course you’re gunna tell on me.” Jack teases, although he’s very aware of what news she’s bringing. “Timmy, you’re bein’ good for your momma, aren’t ya?” He asks, his heart aching like a tiny little arrow pierced it at the thought of his first baby boy.

Sometimes over the years, you could have sworn that a breeze came at just the right time to be an answer, or that you felt a flash of cold even in the August heat. Sometimes you could have bet your life on hearing a faraway voice. But it’s always a comfort to be here for your visit. “Of course he is,” you nod, squeezing Jack’s hand.

“I know.” Jack murmurs softly. “Wish I coulda seen what kind of man he woulda become.”

“He’d be thick as thieves with his brother and sister, and a mountain for his nephews to climb on, just like Jackson.” Of course Timmy would be older by now – outgrown the nickname and become Tim or Timothy – but you can’t help picturing him the same age as your own two kids.

“Yes he would have.” Jack chuckles and closes his eyes, imagining it as he holds your hand.

"Not a whole lot has changed this year, Abby." You've taken to speaking to Abigail so conversationally that sometimes you slip a little and call her Abby like an old friend. "But Janie just let the family know that she's expecting again. It'll be all any of us talk about for the next seven months."

“We’re getting older too.” Jack admits, feeling his age today for some reason. He’s lived twice the years without his first wife and son than he had with Abby. “Slower. You’d laugh at my groans getting up.”

"He sounds like a creaky mattress," you tease, imagining that you can hear the sound of a laugh in the wind.

“It’s what happens when you put my body through the rigors of being an agent for so long.” Jack rolls his eyes but he’s grinning at you. “Still think both of you would be given me hell if you knew one another.”

"I have no doubt." Lifting your connected hands, you press a kiss to Jack's cracked knuckles. There’s more time spent, laughter shared and small snippets of life from the Statesman grounds. Nearly an hour passes before you say your goodbyes and Jack leads you back to the truck.

"Gets harder to get into this thing every year," you laugh, letting your frustration at having to hoist yourself into the tall truck roll off your shoulders instead of getting upset about it. Approaching old age is a privilege that you don't take lightly.

“We might have to get one of those trucks with the fold down steps.” Jack snorts, smirking at you.

“Or convince our daughter to have one vehicle on the ranch that is less than five feet off the damn ground,” you huff good-naturedly. “I might never have been an agent, but I’ve still done a number on my knees.”

“All that runnin’ around in the kitchen.” Jack pats your knee fondly and looks at you before he starts the truck up. “I love you, sugar.”

“I love you, too, honey.” It’s not as easy as it used to be to lean over and give him a kiss, but you still manage it. “Let’s go back home and see the kids.”

“Yes ma’am.” He smiles softly and puts the truck in gear after he starts it. “Been thinking about maybe sneaking you off to the old foreman’s cabin.” Jack hums playfully. “Since it’s empty now.”

“Oh yeah?” The suggestion makes you chuckle, so glad that the attraction between you has never waned. “We could do that.”

“Yeah.” He might not be able to set a pace that completely wrecks you or pushes your – no longer needed – IUD out of place, be he can still make you shake in pleasure.

You hum, watching him as he drives back down the hill toward the main house. "I guess I know what we're doing tomorrow then."

“Still not too old to chase you around the bedroom.” Jack teases, winking at you playfully. His dark hair is nearly white and his craggy wrinkles are much deeper than they had been when you met, but he’s still the same cowboy.

Kissing the back of his hand again, you sit back in your seat and chuckle softly. "I sure as hell hope not. Though I don't know how fast I'm up to running these days anyway."

“It’s been a good day.” The setting sun off to the west is always a view he has loved, going back to when he was just a little thing running around this land. “The perfect birthday.”

"You say that every year." With varying degrees of sarcasm at certain times, of course. But today he seems as sincere as ever. And he's right – at least this time. It really has been a fairly perfect day.

“I mean it to.” He insists. “I’m a blessed man, sugar.”

"You're just excited to have a new grandbaby," you tease, giving his hand a squeeze. Of course you believe him - that he loves his life and feels blessed by it - but you also know for damn sure that a good part of his giddiness comes from that good news. As it should. Being a grandparent agrees with Jack.

“Of course I’m excited to have a new grandbaby.” Jack huffs. “I never expected to have a baby for the longest time, let along three grandbabies. Especially not with another soulmate. I’m damn blessed by you.”

That softens you and you lean against Jack's shoulder as he drives. "I love you, too, honey."

The silence between you is soft, welcomed like a warm blanket. So much time together had been spent that he can almost hear your thoughts. “When we find out what they are having, I want to see what kind of specialty dessert you’re gonna make for the restaurant.” Every one of the kids and grandkids have their own dessert that’s featured during their birthday month.

"Janie said she's been craving onions." Both of you chuckle as he pulls the truck into the driveway of the main house. "So I don't know if it will be a dessert this time. Maybe a tart or an onion tarte tatin."

“Interesting.” Jack chuckles. “If it’s a little girl, she’s gonna be a spitfire.”

"Because would be so unusual for a Daniels." The expression on your face is nothing short of amused. All of you are well aware that spitfire is a description that could apply to anyone in your family.

“Absolutely.” He agrees. “We’re just so…boring.” His eyes slide over to watch your reaction. “No passion.”

"None." You shake your head as solemnly as you can manage, barely keeping your face schooled into something serious. "We are a complete blank canvas. No emotions or opinions whatsoever."

“That’s us.” His chuckles can’t be contained now, rolling out freely as both of you describe everything the Daniels family is not.

"Come on, my love." Unbuckling your seatbelt and stretching, you lean over the center console again to kiss him. "I want to cuddle up with my passionless husband and watch a movie with our kids before bed."

“Sounds like the perfect ending to the best day.” Jack hums, counting his blessings for how lucky he is.

******

In the years since Jack had died, it hadn't made any sense to stay in Louisville. Working the line – or even front of house – at the restaurant was too physical to be sustainable for you and the place was running brilliantly in Jackson's capable hands. It turned out that his soulmate really was a Statesman agent, and you had watched your son take on much the same life that you had lived happily, with his husband.

Retirement had given you options, of course, but you hadn't wanted to be apart from Jack, so you had readily become a full-time grandma on the ranch in Montana. Every day saw another trip to the cemetery on the hill and spending time with your growing grandchildren. Six years went by almost in the blink of an eye, except for the ache of missing your soulmate. That never seemed to dissipate no matter how many wonderful memories you held on to. It lived in your heart each day to be swallowed down like a bittersweet pill, until the day that you had laid down for an afternoon nap and closed your eyes for the very last time.

“Hello sugar.” Jack’s smile is brilliant, young. The lines old age had given him are smooth, the dark spots on his skin clear, his stooped posture straight as he stands in front of you, looking just as hale and hearty as the day he had met you. Holding out his hand, he helps you up from the bed and pulls you into his arms. “I have missed you. So much, but I’ve been watchin’ over you.”

“Jack.” When you can practically jump up out of the bed and into his arms, there is no question of what’s happened. The moment holds only the barest pain, knowing what you’re leaving behind, but the joy you feel at being reunited with Jack completely outweighs it. “Honey, I missed you.”

“I was with you every step of the way.” Jack promises, right before he presses his lips to yours in a kiss that has been sorely missed in the past six years. Watching you and ghosting a kiss over your skin isn’t the same as you knowing it’s him.

“What happens now?” If you had ever worried that you would feel fear in this moment, that worry is soothed instantly by the fact that it’s Jack here to show you what comes next. Or maybe this is all it is, and kissing him really is your own private heaven like you always said.

“Well…sugar, there’s someone that wants to meet you.” Jack murmurs, pulling away and looking behind him with an equally brilliant smile.

“Finally.” A sweet, soft voice has a hint of a happy giggle in it. Abigail steps forward, looking beautiful and healthy although she is not rounded with child. She had appeared to Jack as she had been before the pregnancy. “I have so much to thank you for.”

“Abigail!” There is no question of who this is – you had seen so many pictures of her in your life that you recognize her as an old friend as the two of you fall into a deep embrace. “I didn’t think— maybe I should have— I’m so glad to finally meet you.” Though you can feel sobs shake you a little, there is no sadness. It’s more of a powerful wave of relief that washes over you in this moment.

“I wanted to come. I needed to make sure you know how much I appreciate you.” There’s no jealousy, no bitterness that you spent more time with Jack than she had. There is nothing but joy and elation at finally greeting the woman who has shown her so much kindness and respect. Abigail pulls back and smiles at you while Jack watches the exchange.

“I don’t know what to say,” you admit, feeling a little overwhelmed by the moment. Without fear, you’re left to simply adjust to whatever this next step is. “I’m just glad it’s the two of you here.”

Nodding, she steps back and allows Jack to take your hand. “Sugar, we will always be here.” He promises, and points with his other hand to the side. “And we can always watch over the kids and grandkids.”

You nod, taking Jack’s hand firmly in yours before reaching for Abigail with your other. Though you had never expected her to come, it’s an enormous comfort that she’s here. “I’m ready.”

Jack grins at you and winks. “Ready to go down another rabbit hole with me, sugar?” He asks, overjoyed that he gets to spend eternity with both you and Abigail. His soulmates.

“As long as I get to be with you, we can go anywhere you like.” It’s what you hoped for, when you thought of this moment, and the fact that it’s come true means you’re ready for anything.

“Then let’s get this train a movin’.” Jack squeezes your hand. “Heaven awaits.”

______ Master Tags: @pixiedurango @chattychell @winter-fox-queen @lady-himbo @artsymaddie @princess76179 @paintballkid711 @missminkylove @pedrosbrat @ew-erin @sarahjkl82-blog @sharkbait77 @justanotherblonde23 @lv7867 @recklesswit @mylittlesenaar @f0rever15elf @gallowsjoker @steeevienicks @athalien @sherala007 @skvatnavle @thatpinkshirt @jaime1110 @girlimjusttryingtoreadfanfics @goodgriefitsawildworld @greeneyedblondie44 @katheriner1999 @littlemousedroid @harriedandharassed @churchill356 @ajathegreats-blog @hardc0rehaylz @beardsanddetectives @kirsteng42 @ladykatakuri @adancedivasmom @madiebear @tanzthompson @emilianamason @bigsdinger @xocalliexo @pedr0swh0r3 @avaleineandafryingpan @charlyrmv @avidreader73 @iceclaw101 @loveslide​ @elegantduckturtle  ​

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My Masterlist!

[this-is-z-art-blog]

Hi, I saw your answer to someone asking about what a Hannuka celebration is usually like and I thought it was really well thought-out and helpful. I was wondering if you might be willing to give me some insight on other Jewish holidays. This was actually inspired by the DP Hannuka challenge. I'm writing a long DP fanfic that's largely from Sam's perspective and when I saw the challenge I thought this was a great time to write some holiday scenes. But when I started researching Hannuka I read that it's not really a major holiday I wanted to know which holidays hold more significant meaning and...well, I went down a rabbit hole and I feel like I HAVE to make sure I do Sam's cultural heritage justice.

The part I'm writing right now takes place in autumn. I wanted to include a little bit about her family celebrating/participating in Rosh Hashana and the ten days of awe. The thing is, I have absolutely no frame of reference; I hadn't even heard of it until a few days ago. Its surprisingly difficult to find descriptions of what exactly people do to observe that holiday besides food. There's plenty to read about the food haha.

I was wondering if you might be willing to share with me your experience with autumn traditions. Your description of Hannuka was so helpful and you seemed open to more questions. But if you're not comfortable please don't feel any pressure, my goal here is to be respectful and I honestly don't know enough about Jewish Culture to know if I'm being rude so please tell me if I am. I live in a predominantly Christian area and the majority of my cultural knowledge on the subject comes from TV which tends to only bring up Judaism when a character talks about Hannuka instead of Christmas so I am basically an uncultured goldfish.

First of all, thank you, and thank you for reaching out. I love talking about this stuff in general, and I especially really enjoy helping people navigate representing characters' Judaism in their works. I know it can be really intimidating to do research on your own- you don't know what questions to ask, or what's a reliable source, or what's unilaterally true vs what varies community to community, and you want to do a good job and not perpetuate something hurtful or harmful- it's a lot! So while I want to be clear I'm just one person speaking from my personal experience and knowledge, Jews are not a monolith and Jewish thought and experience varies a lot, you can always reach out and I'll do my best to help.

Note, the Jewish calendar is lunar, which is about ten days shorter than the solar year, which is why Jewish holidays don't have the same Gregorian date year to year. Every three years (roughly) we have a whole extra 'leap month' to keep the seasons on track, because certain holidays have to be in certain seasons (most notably Passover). Jewish days also begin at sundown and end at about an hour past ('three stars in the sky') the next day, ie Shabbat is Friday evening to Saturday night each week. The high holidays are in the fall, generally, but to know when specifically something is myjewishlearning or chabad are websites you can look up 'what date is [holiday] + [year]'

Rosh Hashanah (literally translated 'head of the year'), New Year's (one of four actually). Kicks off the high holidays, both very joyous and very reflective. Apples and honey is the classic holiday treat, for a sweet new year. Challah for this holiday is often made in a circular shape, for the cycle of the year, rather than the normal Shabbat braided loaves, and sometimes people will make it with cinnamon sugar or raisins for sweetness. You also begin reaching out to make amends to people you may have hurt over the past year, a process that continues throughout the high holidays. A big theme of the high holidays is Teshuva, which is sometimes translated as repentance but is more closely 'return'. It's about making sincere apologies and doing the work to get better and avoid repeating the same kinds of harm. I once texted a non-Jewish friend of mine an apology for a previous fight of ours around this time that for her came kind of out of nowhere, which made her think I was dying. People often have a family meal together. Fun fact, the current Jewish year is 5784. Two days long kinda. Holy

The ten days between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, as you flagged, the Days of Awe or Days of Return (or in Hebrew they're the aseret yamei teshuva) are more on this theme of reflection and amends. Many participate sometime in here in a practice called tashlich, where you symbolically release bread crumbs (or some other crumpled foodstuff that may be more suited to your local aquatic life) into the water (typically a river, but sometimes your local Water is a lake or ocean) as a way to release your guilt and regrets and move forward into the new year knowing you've done all you can and you now have a clean slate

Yom Kippur ('day of atonement'), holiest day of the Jewish calendar. One of two major fasts (full day, rather than dawn to dusk). Very thoughtful and contemplative, typically a full day of synagogue services reflecting. We spend most of the day thinking about death. For many communities it's traditional to wear white or to avoid gold. You think about your wrongdoings and how to improve in the coming year, and deeply consider whether you've made your amends and if you've sincerely put in the work to change and improve where you need it.

Sukkot! Rounds off the high holidays, eight day festival that starts five days after Yom Kippur. You build a small structure called a sukkah (you BET there are a hundred specific details) in your yard and take meals in it together, big holiday for guests and visiting. First two and last two days are holy, middle four are still part of the holiday but are more mundane, and you go about your regular life (ie you can use electronics and go to work). Many observe the daily mitzvot of eating something in the sukkah, and shaking the lulav and etrog (a gathering of four plants, the lulav (palm frond), myrtle branch, willow branch are bundled together and the etrog (citron) in your other hand, symbolizes gathering in all the different kinds of our people). At the last days of Sukkot is the holiday Simchat Torah ('the joy of the torah'), where we reach the end of the annual cycle of reading the Torah and begin it anew. VERY joyous and boisterous, big holiday for dancing.

Also, here's an extremely quick and dirty rundown of other the other more prominent Jewish holidays (I'm basically skipping a number of minor fasts and smaller celebrations, but also, hannukkah is on this list, and it is nowhere near the scale of importance as Rosh Hashaha).

Hannukkah. Eight day festival in the winter, lighting a nine branched menorah (the ninth candle lights the others, one more each night ie night one you light one night eight you light eight, once again a THOUSAND little laws and specifics. we are a pedantic people). You have heard of this one

Tu B'Shevat! Late winter/early spring holiday that is the new year for trees. (The name is just the date, the 15th of the month Shevat. Most though not all Jewish holidays are on the 1st or 15th of the month, or, the new or full moon). Big holiday for planting trees or trying new fruits

Purim! Early spring. In a leap year this happens twice (though 'little Purim' is a much smaller holiday). This one is bonkers and criminally underrated. Costumes, giving gifts both to charity and to your friends and family, telling the story of that time a guy tried to kill us all and failed so hard we eat cookies shaped like his stupid hat to this day (hamantaschen or oznei haman, it's just the Yiddish or Hebrew name for them respectively)

Pesach or Passover, you have probably heard of this one. Springtime! Can't eat leavened grains (wheat, spelt, barley, oats, rye) so you gotta clean ALL your stuff out. Most Orthodox Ashkenazim also don't eat 'kitniyot', basically, similar food categories that include nuts, beans, corn, and rice, so if that's your tradition it's pretty thorough. First two nights are the Seder, a large, meandering meal where we tell the story of the holiday (in my family we regularly sit down around seven, don't get to the 'eat the Meal' part until nine, and are at the table til midnight. Many families are a little more effecient but many are even less). First two and last two days are holy, first two days especially are a big time for visiting family

The seven weeks from Passover to Shavuot are a period of time called the Omer, mostly just focused on counting up (not down) the days to Shavout. On the 36th day, Lag B'Omer (name is once again just the day) it's a holiday celebrated largely with bonfire parties

Shavuot (name just means 'weeks', for the seven weeks we count to get here) is the holiday that celebrates receiving the Torah. Celebrated with study of Torah and many have a custom to eat dairy (or just not meat), holy, two days-ish

Tisha B'av is a day of mourning, and the other major fast. Commemorates a lot of various tragedies and traumas. The weeks leading up to it go through a few stages of mourning and mourning practices

Elul is the full month leading up to Rosh Hashanah, and is something of a 'ramp up' to the attitudes and festivities, where you start thinking about your past and coming year

Shabbat. As mentioned this one is every week, holy day of rest from sundown Friday to a little later Saturday. Many celebrate by going to synagogue and/or holding a meal together Friday night and/or Saturday afternoon

Miscellaneous note, safety always comes first. If there is an emergency that would require you to break a rule of the holiday, do it. The principle is called pikuach nefesh, or protection of the soul (life)

Holy days are traditionally (though not everyone observes in this way and specifics vary, it is none of my business, repsonsibility, or interest to tell other Jewish folks what to do) observed by a number of restricitons that I like the categorize as just being part of the world, not trying to create or destory anything within it. The specifics have a lot to do with laws tracing back to not participating in argricultural or textile labor, but most relevant to my life personally is not turning on or off electronics (or fire), and no writing/drawing/fabric crafts.

Again NOT every Jew does full traditional observances of every holiday and that a) is NONE of my or anyone's business b) does not somehow make them 'less' Jewish. Judaism belongs to every Jew and is theirs to decide what to do with. That said, it is a chip on my shoulder when the only Jewish characters I see depicted in media, overwhelmingly written by gentile creators, go over the top to stress how much they hate following Jewish law or how much they love not doing it; feels like people are only interested in having Jewish characters whose Judaism is either a total joke, or it has to be as unobtrusive as possible- which is another reason I try to make myself available to answer questions you might have about how TO include your characters' Judaism

[aelfhild-astraedottir]

Thora and Sleipnir's Sleigh: Part 1

by Ælfhild Astrædottir

The Beginning

Ribbons of light streaming northward

Joyously light up the night sky

In celebration of new life

A new descendant of Sleipnir

Wobbles on eight spindly young legs

Dark fur fluffed by mother’s love

Eyes turn to the welcoming skies

Yearning unfurls in the young heart.

For moons the young one grew stronger

Untangling legs by twos and fours

Mastering the fall and the rise

Under mother's patient guidance

Until came the time of learning

Beyond mother's circle of care

The forest learning group at last

The young one would soon come to dare.

The day of learning dawned bright

Mother's proud eyes saw young one off

But on the forest path did meet

The young one with a father's fear

“Four legs only need a reindeer

I demand thee bind thy others”

Commanded the young one's father

Then cloaked youth in worn blanket.

Into the learning grove limped

The young one, eyes downcast in shame

Met with mockery for the cloak

Whilst tales of olden yore were told

Then when the cloak was torn away

The youngsters were then fear stricken

Of Odin's wrath their teachers spoke

Repentant were the foolish youth.

Whilst children learned to see true

The worth of spirit not dressing

The value of apologies

Given and also accepted

To conference were parents bade

By teachers just and dismayed

Before the young one’s very eyes

Mother kicked father to the skies.

The children cheered and stamped

While mother buffed her hooves clean

And when ended learning season

Sad partings there were had by all

As mother and child together

Journeyed North to mother's family

In the fine reindeer settlement

Within the Yule Father's village.

Welcome to my 2023 Yuletide story which I intend to complete over the course of twelve days centered on the Winter Solstice. It is an experimental format for me so we shall see how it comes out. Joyous Yuletide!

Part 12: see part 11 because I've reached link capacity in this post.

© Ælfhild Astrædottir 2023

[silverbrume]

Just this once, everybody lives

Many thanks to @theyhaveacavetroll for your amazing Bond/Felix/Della headcanon post, which led me down a very enjoyable rabbit hole. I have further taken the liberty of putting in Wright!Felix, because I got very attached to him in the Craig movies. A different actor played Felix in each of the Dalton Bond movies, so I figure I can put in any Felix I want :)

Everybody lives, Rose. Just this once, everybody lives! --Ninth Doctor ("The Doctor Dances")

While I was working on this piece, I listened to the Smetana Piano Trio in G minor on loop, and now it's my song for the ship. A piano trio is the perfect ensemble to represent how I view them. A high string, a low string, and a piano--three instruments so distinct that you can't confuse one for the other, yet woven together they create a seamless conversation. Themes are passed from one instrument to another, each having their solo moments and also their moments supporting the others. Three individuals becoming more than the sum of their parts, multiplying their strengths.

The final movement of the Smetana is my favorite, especially the somber part that gives way to the ecstatic climax, all three instruments joining their voices together. When I listen, I imagine the three of them bursting into sight, from a dark forest onto a sunny lawn, an improbably joyous dance. All around them, friends and family cheer. Love always.

[theferricfox]

I was supposed to meet you today.

For months, I imagined what your first cry would sound like as you took your first breath of air. I thought of your face, wondering if you'd have your father's nose and skin tone. I thought of those first moments of skin-on-skin contact and how surreal they would have felt after so long waiting for you.

I thought of what it would be like to fumble through the first few days at home, somewhere between joyous disbelief and painful exhaustion.

Those are now just distant dreams, ashes long since dispersed into the wind.

Grief knows no time.

We merely make space for it, in our hearts, in our souls, and we carry it with us. We can dilute it down somewhat, with new memories that make our hearts soar on wings of joy, but it's still there.

Grief makes a home in our hearts that cannot be worn down by the sands of time. It is a monument to the human experience, built slowly by dust.

I sit here, on your due date, not with you, but with another life nesting within. I dream of them now, and I hope that they'll dream of you, too. I hope that you'll spend their dreams with them and tell them stories of the stars. I hope you'll watch over them as they grow, so that I can meet them someday soon.

Although grief always stays with us and I've learned to make room for it, I know that grief is not everything. Some days it feels like that's all there is, like a rabbit hole I've fallen into where I never reach the bottom. But I know there's more, and I know now that I have another chance, and I can hold onto the hope that chance gives me.

And so, as I make room for the grief of today, knowing what this day could have been and will never be, I also turn my face to the sky and take in the sun. And I Choose Hope.

[i-am-the-anti-christ-to-you]

Man, I have so many posts already lined up to be posted since a long time ago (about my Vietnam trip, about a bunch of terrific, watershed moments of my life), but here I am posting about a movie I literally just finished at 3.30am this morning because I've never felt this alive lying on a bed. For some reason I find it more imperative to publish this movie review-cum-ramble into the void corner of the internet than journal entries about actually important life events at this very moment.

This post is about a role model I recently adopted. And it’s going to be hella incoherent because I’m writing this at an ungodly hour.

After going down the Alex Honnold rabbit hole, I finally watched Free Solo. What the reddit posts, article reviews, and Wired interviews didn't prepare me for was Alex's relationship with Sanni, and the huge possibility that Alex's biggest motivation to free solo isn't the drive to achieve greatness, nor his unresponsive amygdala, but in fact, depression. I heavily related to his upbringing, the strange familial dynamics that reeked of cultural avoidance of explicit affection and learning how to be vulnerable at the ripe age of 23. Sans his physical prowess and impressive feats, I saw quite a bit of myself in my newfound idol. Unlike most people's heroes, he was both perfect and imperfect, which only makes me fonder of him even more. He's probably on the spectrum, is hugely introverted yet likeable, and had to overcome great emotional barriers that he put up since childhood. The only times I saw him truly, purely, utterly joyous was when he realised it was game time. On the other hand, he was interestingly reserved while exhibiting the right amount of affection in Sanni's presence. Even when they parted ways for the actual climb, I recognised the sense of being lost because something comforting and familiar is now absent. Happiness is not the same as joy. Maybe it's the cameras, or maybe this was just the performative manifestation of Alex's unapologetic mindset of "climbing over girlfriend".

But then the way San-San calls him after he summitted, and the look on his face when she surprises him in his van. There's a sweet spot, a middle ground that Alex seems to have, making him the luckiest human being on planet earth (in my very personal opinion).

I don't really know what the point of this post is, I just wanted to get my thoughts about Free Solo out there. I have exciting plans for myself in Norway this July, plans that only I am privy to, plans that may have great consequences (low risk though, I hope) and may be my only chance to get as close as possible to feeling the way Alex feels when looking up at the mighty El Cap. Other people can leave, hurt, die, but nature (in multiple meanings of the word) simply just is, and any hurt had within it can only be said to be self-inflicted.

I hope to be delighted too.

Gorgeous photo by Jimmy Chin (duh).

[emilyrosediary]

His testimony, not mine

My testimony is not over; what a joyous line I am able to spell out for you today.

 For the last few months my lock screen has been set to a quote reading, “and if not, He is still good”. I had seen the quote one day and thought it would be a good reminder. And over and over again these words have remained true, He is still good. Through every heartbreak, He is still good. Through every struggle, He is still good. For every plan I have set in place that gets broken, He is still good. 

March twentieth was another scary day in my recovery journey. This is a reminder that recovery is not linear. On this day I was scared of myself, scared of my thoughts, and scared to be left alone. Crying to my mom we took a visit to the emergency room to get me a psych evaluation that ultimately saved my life once again. I am so grateful to have such an incredible support system with amazing people who truly have my best interest at heart. On top of that an incredibly patient and loving family who continues to provide me with the resources I need in the middle of an all-consuming crisis moment. Life can truly be scary sometimes.

Now I know you may be thinking: Emily, we have seen this happen before, so a third time, really? Yes. Once again, recovery is not a linear path and sometimes life throws you curveballs (or in this instance, giant boulders). We were once again caught up in a blinding moment where the only conceptual way out in my mind was to end my life.

We recently celebrated a year clean for me, a huge milestone. I am happy to report we are still clean from self-injury. In the midst of a crisis, I was able to scream for help before I ever put a razor to my skin again. ( Yay for mini-victories in the middle of scary times)! 

Ok back to the point. Life throws boulders and God catches them. Once again, what could have been the end to my story was not the end. 

I am by no means a perfect Christian. I have never claimed to be, I never will claim to be. I am a sinner, who disobeys God daily, yet I am protected and loved fully by God.  “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us,” (Romans 5:8). My God died on the cross for me. For the sinful, broken, shattered version of me. What an overwhelming demonstration of sacrificial love.

Once again through the midst of a crazy time in my life of full-time school and working part-time, on top of managing just every day stressor of being a young adult God was on the back burner. I hate to say it but I would be lying to you if I didn’t admit that. Through the chaos, He was barely a thought except for the occasional prayer thrown up or Sunday service I habitually attended. God had again become an afterthought in my life. ( Clearly, I am not the poster child for the Christian faith over here). Once I began to feel my mental health declining triggered by a panic attack, I still wasn’t running to the Healer. It was easier to turn to worldly ideas and ways to cope than to turn to God. This ended in a relapse for me. A hospital stay that I had not accounted for in my six-month life plans. 

Yet, throughout my time in inpatient, I began to dive into a book written by Sadie Robertson titled Live. This book is a dive into what it truly is to live through Christ and for Him. This book was one I had bought a while back and had never truly set the time apart to read. There were opportunities to do so but I often spent those hours glued to my devices probably lost in a Tik Tok rabbit hole. Well God finds a way to reach us whether we are ready for it or not. This crisis had lead me to five days in the hospital. (Now if you don’t know much about mental health support, inpatient is where they work to achieve stabilization in a locked-down hospital setting. There are no phones allowed, no outdoors, just time strictly to focus on feeling safe). While I was there I asked my mom to bring me this book, I had been meaning to sit down and read it, and what better time than this? I had hours to sit between support and educational groups so I turned to Live. God knew the words I needed were hidden in these pages. If I wasn’t going to set time apart, He was. God has a plan for my life and I truly needed to run toward the source of life in a time of life or death. 

These pages allowed God to speak life into me. Life into the heart of a broken, hurting nineteen-year-old girl. We praise God for modern medicine that got me back on the road to feeling like me again. We praise God for the caring staff who selflessly worked to get me back on the right path. And we praise God for a support system to carry me through another terrifying moment in my life. Because the truth is, I didn’t want to die, I wanted to LIVE. I mean truly live. Not live a life of exhaustion, heartbreak, tears, and sleepless nights on an empty stomach. I mean true life. A life that is only found in Him.

When the only option felt like death, it was an invitation from God to truly live.

[thedrag0nking]

The barrier is broken now it is time for the boy to reign and get his revenge where the monster Legules and his second Aomushi will follow as Bemstra leads on as he let out hiss but of joyous triumph and the karakuri clank their bladed hands together in joyus triumph and finally many more charged into the city while a few stay behind to deal with the crimson dragon and his allies this is the day Legules have found what he assumed is the one, born of horror and dragon blood as the boy is no ordinary spawn of Koishi for he is gifted. Luzagin turned around leaping into the air again and joins her beloved Bemstra in his quest to seek vengeance against the moon rabbits.

The karakuri and Aomushi leaped across the great wall of the city, killing both ronin and the soldiers alike as they try to fight back pushing them away with their weapons but all are slaughtered by legules and his unholy legion. Burning Bemstra rammed his entire body through the wall creating a large hole for he and his allies to march in and kill as many moon rabbits as they can. The citizens of new moon run in fear, as panic spreads all across the city as burning bemstra grabs a few of the lunarians tearing them to shreds alongside the Karakuri and their vicious and horrific mutilations. Many fought back using magic alongside the lunarians but all fallen the same when Bemstra's hatred for both of his mother's killers is truly undying. Koaru and the rest watched in horror of what his brother have become, Koaru never knew he had a brother but now he knew. Koishi has sense his hatred is stem from the past he knew, he knew about the death of her and Yukari. How could she had known that the boy could grew up so fast? Koishi screamed with tears in her eyes failing to protect her children again, now her second son become the monster, it's koaru's suffering all over again..

" NOOOOOOO!!!!!! "

" By the gods...we're too late! "

" ....H-how? "

Mary clapped her hands laughing at all this carnage and bloodshed around them, she cares little about the moon rabbits or their lives being at stake but she helps mainly for her family.

" Don't you fools see? It's that monster! The one who have sent the boy this hellish path! The only way to stop all of this is now by killing that thing that arrive! Oh how this reunion gets better and so much better? You lovelies go kill that thing while I find the boy my sister desires. "

Mary venture into the city now in flames in search for burning Bemstra while saving the city. Koaru and the others remain behind to fight off the incoming hordes of the karakuri and fight Legules who stayed behind with them to ensure the boy succeeded his own vengeance dealing the three unknowing the severe consequences of fighting against the legendary horror. Koaru, Koishi, and Youmu charged towards the legendary horror then slashing around his body showing no affect on the creature. When their swords plunged into the creature' s entire body Legules did not hold back as he spins his body around throwing them away from him as the three collapsed on the ground severely injuring them as well. The fight has just begun and already the three can't handle the strength of this creature. Youmu laying on the ground trying to get back up only to see the being walking over towards her as he prepares for the most brutal beat down he'll ever inflict upon the the three.

Meanwhile in the city of the lunarians where it all burn down as many more moon rabbits are eaten and torn to shreds by the karakuri and Aomushi. Bemstra and Luzagin walked into the building of new moon corporation where Bemstra devours all the staff and the security's souls absorbed. The two continue walking up the stairs and when they finally reach into the top the two barged into the office only to find the synthetic Toyohime staring at the window as she knew that one her life is cut short because of the original Toyohime destroying gensokyo years ago. She watched her people, the ronin and even the her own people is getting torn to shreds.

"....You're late. "

" Toyohime you pay for your life... "

" You seem to take the whole dying by our hands thing well... "

" You expect me to cower in fear demon? No, I'm not running away this time...I'm not dying without a fight. You're doing me a favor my guilt is harming my mental state for what happen to this world but first tell me, who are you? "

[calliopeauraz]

The Hidden Effect of COVID-19: How Social Media Amplified Eating Disorders

It's March 13th, 2020. Friday the Thirteenth. You walk out of school joyous that you have just received an extra week of spring break. Little does anyone know that we would not be returning to normal life ever again. The Covid-19 pandemic started in 2020, however its effects are ongoing. By being isolated in their homes, many adolescents became addicted to their phones, and social media became an outlet for their loneliness. These susceptible individuals were caught: spending more and more time going down the rabbit hole of comparing themselves to everyone else on the internet.

Now, more than ever, social media addiction is on the rise and every single interaction you make on posts is stored as data. Recurring themes of body image are accelerating, such as the manipulation of the “freshman 15” to the “quarantine 15”(Rodgers). This type of language is extremely harmful, yet commonly used even outside of eating disorder culture. Young minds are being flooded with images of unattainable beauty standards; which leads to mental health issues such as body dysmorphia and eating disorders. Although the recurrence of eating disorders has been a longstanding problem, it has been exacerbated during the pandemic because of increased usage of social media and the need to maintain control in a time of chaos. The pandemic has come to an end, yet, these problems perpetuate for the rest of these individuals' lives.

The Covid-19 pandemic created a profound impact on eating disorder culture: the normalization of it as well as its everlasting effects. As individuals became socially isolated, the only way to express themselves to the public was through appearance. This consequently led to an obsessive control over an individual's image especially in regards to food consumption. Due to an increase of eating disorder hospitalizations post pandemic, this issue is important to take control of to help these individuals and avoid this in future groups.

Evidently, there are multiple variables that allowed for the amplification of individuals with eating disorders during the pandemic. One scholarly journal, The impact of the covid-19 pandemic on eating disorder risk and symptoms, by Dr. Rachel Rodgers along with others, evaluates a study around eating disorders increasing following the Covid-19 pandemic. Some of the variables they discovered in their research included a need for control due to disrupted structure, lack of resources due to isolation, and a need to maintain a “beautiful face” due to increased video conferences. Social confinement also means that people are more likely to enter the rabbit hole that is social media in hopes of finding resources-which is often unsuccessful because “[s]ocial isolation...may constitute a barrier to social support, making individuals more vulnerable to the effects of stressful circumstances” (Rodgers). This forced individuals to use social media as an outlet, however this proved to have negative consequences. For example, increased exposure to diet culture occurred due to increased exposure to social media as a whole.

“In sum, the current COVID-19 pandemic has created a situation across the globe likely to increase ED risk and symptoms through multiple pathways and to decrease protective factors and elevate barriers to care”(Rodgers). When barriers are elevated and protection is decreased, it becomes increasingly difficult for all individuals to seek help. Furthermore, people with more privilege are more likely to break those walls to seek preservation. In Blair C. Burnette’s research, “I Don’t Need People to Tell Me I’m Pretty on Social Media:” a Qualitative Study of Social Media and Body Image in Early Adolescent Girls, it is revealed that the people more unaffected by comparison regarding body image displayed high media literacy, positive parental influence, and a supportive school environment (Brunette). Seeing as the more advantaged parties are able to prevent eating disorders from starting, as well as get treatment if they do occur, we must broaden our helping hands to the underprivileged.

As the pandemic created a barrier between human interaction, individuals turned to social media to supplement for this loss. In Emily Hemendinger’s feature, “Mounting Research Documents the Harmful Effects of Social Media Use on Mental Health, Including Body Image and Development of Eating Disorders,” she debates the increased usage of social media following the Covid-19 pandemic and how it has contributed to negative introspection regarding body image as well as an escalation of the number of individuals with eating disorders. She reveals that “Researchers have also found that increased time at home during the pandemic led to more social media use by young people and therefore more exposure to toxic body image and dieting social media content” which then allowed these individuals to “turn to eating disorder behaviors for an often-false sense of control" in times when everything seemed out of reach, like the pandemic (Hemendinger). The compulsive necessity for regulation over one’s life in a time of disarray is a part of human nature which also aligns with Rodger’s discovery, as mentioned previously.

One of Hemendinger’s article’s main proponents includes data from other sources that indicate that the majority of adolescents are constantly using social media which in turn exposes them to toxic content. Although eating disorders are complex and cannot be caused by social media alone, beauty standards are amplified and projected onto children by social media (Hemendinger). In this regard, social media is continually contributing to the degradation of mental health in youth by perpetuating unattainable beauty standards. Covid 19 causing the exponential increase in social media usage has definitely created a platform where people are constantly promoting unhealthy and unattainable body image. For example, I have personally experienced this firsthand. When life was no longer “normal” and I was stuck in my home, I turned to my diet as something to manipulate. Even if others object that this is a personal experience and cannot be distributed to an entire population, it is proven that many other people have gone through similar experiences. The US surgeon general even sent out a message informing the public that “the youth mental health crisis is the ‘defending public health challenge of our time’” (Hemendinger). This issue is important because the harm of ED’s is often lifelong and it is vital that we control social media's effects for future generations as well as help people who are currently struggling.

Social media is constantly picking up on each person’s behavior and creating new trends that negatively affect many individual’s mental health. In Bennett and Bozik’s text, “The Ideal Female Body Type Is Getting Even Harder to Attain,” they evaluate the increase of newly coined terms such as “thinspo” and/or “fitspo” and how they have continued to create issues within women’s ideals around beauty standards. This constant reiteration of unattainable beauty standards is influenced by social media algorithms in which the device takes information on which posts you interact with and like and continually puts the same content on your feed. They explain how “women are able to choose what content to follow and ‘like.’ Social media sites ... then take this information and feed it into an algorithm, which then influences the content that’s advertised and shown to users on their feeds” (Bennet and Bozik) which further emphasizes the power social media has over many people’s lifestyle. Though I relinquish that this can be used beneficially to cater to people’s dislikes and likes, oftentimes people go down a spiral of “beautiful and thin individuals” whether they want to or not and now their entire feed is filled with that. It is now engraved into their brain that this is how they are “supposed to look.”

The increased advancement as well as the pressure to utilize social media in this day and age has allowed it to evolve into a weapon against young minds. From this angle, social media can be exemplified as ammunition to cause harm to the “idealistic” body standard: repeatedly making it thinner and more fit. Various studies were used to evaluate the evolution of Miss USA winners from 1999-2013; in which during the 15 year progression, the women had begun to prefer thinner and thinner winners  (Bennett and Bozik). There is increased risk of dissatisfaction around and following the ideal female body type due to social media intensifying this belief. It is important that we recognize the trend now because the image of beauty follows previous patterns, it will continue to become skinnier: causing an epidemic of eating disorders.

Despite this, some argue that social media can be used to promote body types other than the unattainable. In Ben Knight’s work, “Small Exposure to Body Positive Content Can Improve Body Image,” he studies the positive impact that social media has regarding body positivity content. Many people are often seen supporting these other individuals who are not extremely thin. From this perspective, it could be assumed that social media is positive. In Knight’s work, he mentions a previous scientist's work and how “‘A very brief intervention over a short time where young women viewed a small number of body positive posts among the social media content they’re regularly viewing was able to improve body image and reduce body comparisons,’”(Knight). Although social media can potentially promote body positivity, its effects are not perpetual and oftentimes the same women who are supporting the “plus-size” women are unable to translate that same body positivity onto themselves. This is confirmation of how the body positivity movement in not undoing all the damage social media has done.

Although some might protest that the pandemic is over so this is no longer an issue, this is not true because the effects of eating disorders last multiple years and some individuals are sometimes never able to recover fully. When individuals begin to control their eating, due to the fact that every other aspect of their life is no longer in their control, they enter a pattern that is often irreversible. The deeper you are into an eating disorder, the harder it is to recover. Regardless of supporting other women, applying that same body positivity to themselves is often impossible when the stringent organization of your diet is engraved into your brain.

There are clearly positive and negative aspects of social media, however the negative consequences clearly outweigh the positives. Body positivity is a beneficial idea in theory, but in reality is quite inapplicable at this point in time. The ideal body standard is too thin right now so attempting to promote “plus-size” is a goal that cannot be attained. Although I concede that it can help temporarily remove comparisons in women, this cycle is hard to get rid of permanently. People are constantly judging themselves on a greater scale than other individuals. This issue is important because we need to support body positivity in a way that will have a sustainable effect on the large population of individuals who are at a risk for eating disorders and body dysmorphia.

At the moment, the age at which children enter social media has decreased and as a result, the age at which eating disorders develop has subsequently dropped. For individuals who have recovered, it is fundamental that we become indispensable to younger individuals in order to take preventative measures for the risk of the upcoming generation developing eating disorders. This population could include anyone: even your younger sister. Some of the best practices include learning about the risk factors, identifying the major signs, and understanding what to do if someone you know is struggling (Eating Disorder Prevention). Additionally, do not push people to aid themselves. One will not be able to truly recover unless they actively want to and genuinely want the help. Knowing someone has an eating disorder is difficult to deal with, however actually going through one is severely worse, which is why the hindrance of allowing them to develop is imperative and urgent.

As a community it is vital that we focus on blocking the continuation of eating disorder culture on social media. An eating disorder will take over your life and consume every aspect: your relationships, your behavior and mood, your academics, and so many more categories. Since we have evaluated the association between social media’s control over beauty image it is crucial to minimize social media's effects on the development of eating disorders not only for future generations but as well as help people who are currently struggling.

Works Cited

Bennett, Brooke L, and Frances Bozsik. “The Ideal Female Body Type Is Getting Even Harder to Attain.” The Conversation, 11 Dec. 2018, theconversation.com/the-ideal- female-body- type-is-getting-even-harder-to-attain-91373.

Burnette, C. Blair, et al. ““I Don’t Need People to Tell Me I’m Pretty on Social Media:” a Qualitative Study of Social Media and Body Image in Early Adolescent Girls.” Body Image, vol. 23, no. 23, Dec. 2017, pp. 114–125, https://doi.org/10.1016/ j.bodyim.2017.09.001.

“Eating Disorder Prevention Tips for Parents.” The Renfrew Center, 12 May 2021, renfrewcenter.com/eating-disorder-prevention-tips-for-parents/.

Hemendinger, Emily. “Mounting Research Documents the Harmful Effects of Social Media Use on Mental Health, Including Body Image and Development of Eating Disorders.” The Conversation, 23 June 2023, theconversation.com/mounting-research- documents-the-harmful-effects-of-social-media-use-on-mental-health-including-body- image-and-development-of-eating-disorders-206170.

Knight, Ben. “Small Exposure to Body Positive Content Can Improve Body Image.” UNSW Newsroom, 6 Jan. 2023, newsroom.unsw.edu.au/news/health/small-exposure-body- positive-content-can-improve-body-image#:~:text=Small%20exposure%20to%20body% 20positive%20content%20can%20improve%20body%20image,-Twitter%20Facebook%2 0LinkedIn&text=Content%20celebrating%20diverse%20body% 20types,Photo%3A%20Unsplash.

Rodgers, Rachel F., et al. “The impact of the covid-19 pandemic on eating disorder risk and symptoms.” International Journal of Eating Disorders, vol. 53, no. 7, 17 May 2020, pp. 1166–1170. EBSCO, https://doi.org/10.1002/eat.23318.

[litheammunition]

The 2022 UEFA European Women's Football Championship (despite the mouthful of a name) was a huge success. In England, the host country, people tuned in to women's football like never before, and were duly rewarded with a joyous march to the final, and victory over perennial winners Germany, to secure England's first major trophy since the men's team won their World Cup in 1966.

I have been watching the Lionesses since childhood and this year I followed them from the group stage to the final, overcome to finally experience some of the success that has eluded our teams for so long. It's wonderful that the home tournament and success have allowed them to attract so many new fans, both from the men's game and from outside the sport entirely,

Unfortunately, whenever football becomes a big news story and spreads beyond the circle of actual fans, it also attracts some awful takes from people who don't know what they're talking about.

For example, there have been a lot of people interpreting this as the women's team as being better than the men's, who lost their own European Championship final on penalties last year, and women being better than men in general. "Why do women have to do everything ourselves?" "I guess the new insult is to say you kick like a boy."

This is of course nonsense for the average woman claiming this success. Pedants already come for fans who refer to their team's actions as 'we' and 'us' as if they personally scored the winning goal, but this is twice the reach. When the men's team beat the German men's team 2-0 last year, male fans didn't shut down the women cheering and say no, this is a victory for men only. It's the same when we learn about the achievements of men throughout history. 'Women' didn't do anything. These particular women did.

It's also worth noting that this means nothing for the footballing ability of men vs women. A woman's team was always going to win this tournament. The final was between two women's teams, and we were guaranteed female victors and female losers. The fact that England beat Germany tells us absolutely nothing about women's ability to play football, just as we wouldn't have learnt anything if Germany had instead beaten England.

All of the players in this tournament were women. The tournament is just about which women are better at football than which others. One set of women winning rather than another has exactly zero relation to how good women are at football overall, and the same applies to the men, let alone comparisons between the two.

This often happens when a female athlete wins a gold medal which had eluded her male counterparts, with the urge being to say this means women are actually better at swimming or tennis or whatever. But in all of those cases the victor has beaten... other women. I don't even want to go down the rabbit hole of debating which is easier, or wondering how the men's team would have done in this tournament, because that's not the point.

When a woman wins, a woman loses. Where a man loses, a man wins. There are always the same number. There is no wider point demonstrated here, unless you're saying in England specifically women are better footballers than men, but in Germany they're not, and in Italy the patriarchy is correct and men are superior, but that this flips and changes every tournament.

Then there are the takes about inclusion. The women's squad featured several out and proud LGBT members, whereas there is a distinct lack of gay male footballers. This has inspired a number of takes about how this also shows women are superior in this respect, whereas the men's game is inherently homophobic - something that may sadly be true.

However, these takes are wrong to act as if gay men and women have the exact same life experience, deal with the same stereotypes, face the same gender expectations, and therefore have the same relationship with football. It's coming from a completely different direction, so it's not comparable at all.

The women's squad is at least 30% openly gay or bisexual, whereas in the general population this percentage is much lower (about 2.7% of 16 to 24 years olds according to the 2011 census, which is about as close as we can get to the generation playing.) That goes beyond simple representation. In a fully equal society, that would not be the case.

For some reason, gay or bisexual women are much more likely to become successful footballers than straight women are. They are disproportionately represented to a massive extent, ten times what might be expected in an equal society. This means that there is either some reason that LGBT women are particularly likely to become top level players, or some reason that straight women are less likely to do so.

On the basis that being bi or a lesbian makes you inherently better at football, there must be some social pressures at play. Perhaps sport is considered to be a 'masculine' activity by the patriarchy, and women who devote themselves to playing it at a high level are seen as stepping outside their traditional gender roles.

Perhaps gay women are more likely to challenge these gender roles than straight women. Perhaps straight women are afraid to do so. In the film Bend it like Beckham, one of the plot points was that the female players are assumed to be lesbians. There are clearly stereotypes at play here, and those can work in both directions.

For men, those stereotypes will work in reverse. When gay men challenge gendered expectations, this does not mean playing football, because football is part of the masculine archetype society is forcing upon them. If gay men are more likely to feel comfortable than straight men in exploring gender expression that society considers more 'feminine', that pushes them in the opposite direction from gay women, who may similarly be more comfortable exploring stereotypically 'masculine' expression than straight women are.

To take a counterexample, I know a few men who like to knit, and all of them happen to be openly gay or bisexual. Of the women I know who love to knit, most identify as heterosexual. This does not lead me to draw any conclusion about whether men are naturally more inclusive than women, or whether the women's knitting community is homophobic, because I understand that gay men and gay women are not identical and these things are much more complicated.

You could just as easily ask: why are straight women so disproportionately reluctant to get involved in football? Is it because of the high proportion of gay women? Are they afraid to be seen as lesbians, or to have a lesbian in the dressing room? Are they all homophobic? That would be a bad take, but it's only equally as baseless as the conclusions other people are drawing in the opposite direction.

It's also important to point out that the men's game has much more diversity in terms of nationalities and ethnicities represented, whereas the Lionesses are largely a team of white blonde women and they join Germany, Sweden, Norway and the Netherlands as the only sides to win the Euros. Women's football is largely a sport for the ethnic majority in rich, Western countries. Men's football is inclusive across society and around the globe.

Is there an interaction here? These countries are some of the best in the world for LGBT rights, and in recent years the men's teams from these countries have all shown their willingness to stand against homophobia. If men's football was equally dominated by English, German, Dutch and Scandinavian players, would this be reflected across the industry?

This year, Senegal international Idrissa Gueye refused to play wearing a rainbow flag to oppose homophobia, and was supported by three of his teammates and the president of Senegal, who argued that his "religious beliefs must be respected." Last year, the Mexican Football Federation were punished for repeated homophobic abuse at their team's games.

A few years before that, a Turkish referee was sacked for being gay and it was argued he would 'make wrong decisions due to his homosexuality'. A few years before that, a Brazilian player was accused of being gay by a rival and took him to court, but the judge dismissed the case on the basis that "football was a virile masculine sport and not a homosexual one."

Women's football has historically been a sport for rich, Western nations, and tends to share those nations' values. Men's football is a global sport, featuring teams of 11 different nationalities, and things are more complicated. I don't think you can criticise the lack of diversity in one without noting the corresponding lack of diversity in the other, and questioning whether the two might also be linked.

That isn't to say that any of this is fixed, and men's football can, should, and is trying to be a force for good in this area by promoting the sort of initiatives that people like Gueye are upset about, but it goes some way to explaining that the situation isn't as simple as 'men's football is exactly the same as women's football, with gender the only variable, therefore gender is to blame for every difference' which is the attitude most of these surface level takes have.

The third genre of takes was to do with the comparative behaviour of male and female players and fans. People who don't actually watch women's football have always liked to comment that it's superior because the male players are always cheating and diving and so on, but fortunately there was none of that this year as the tournament was won with a textbook period of 'housery' to finish off the final.

Instead, we had plenty of takes comparing the attitude to fans after the game to the abuse and rioting that followed the men's defeat in 2021. There are two reasons why this comparison makes no sense. Firstly, the England women won, which is not something we have actually experienced in the men's game for almost 60 years. Of course there was no abuse. What did they have to be angry about?

The second reason is similar to the comments on sexuality above. At this point in time, the women's game is in a completely different place to the men's game, rather than them being identical with different genders. If you are looking at fan behaviour, you might as well compare two different sports.

Women's football is a growing game, and the final had a large proportion of viewers who were supporting the team for the first time, with a largely casual feel, whereas the men's game feels like the national religion. There are fans of the men's team who have spent their lives having their hearts broken again and again and see these tournaments as life or death, with the whole country tuning in and the national media piling on the pressure.

It's no insult to the women's game to concede that it is not yet at that level. Indeed, the hope is that the success of this tournament will help the game to grow, to raise more support and funding, to get more fans and players involved, so that it can one day achieve parity.

But if you want the women's game to achieve the same level of interest as the men's game, you can't also be claiming its superiority due to the lack of hooliganism. You can't bemoan that caveman idiots refuse to watch women's football because of their misogyny whilst also showing off that your supporters don't count the same caveman idiots amongst their number.

In an equal world, the one we strive for, women's football would have the exact same hooligans who take things too far, because they would care about the women just as much as they do about the men. That the hooliganism is currently imbalanced is just a symptom that the games as a whole are imbalanced, that the audience for women's football is currently smaller and more self-selecting for progressive, sensible types whereas men's football hosts an entire population, with all of the negatives that come with it.

In essence, most of these takes boil down to somebody seeing a difference between men's and women's football and then refusing to consider that any other variables might be involved before ascribing the entire difference the the gender of the people involved. A common mistake, and no real harm done, but it was just such a shame that I couldn't bask in the glow of the victory and the joy of the team without every take merchant in range suddenly spamming the most awful takeaways from the win across my social media.

[blessagi]

˚ ༘ 🕊♡‧₊˚ Escapade

Anna Shane, the girl with blonde hair who was spotted sitting on the swing and being alone at the playground, truly poured her passion in painting and sketching, practically everything related to art activity. She was completely immersed in her deepest thoughts, her mind so jumbled that she couldn't think of anything else but how she could be like Shasha, her older sister with whom she was frequently compared. She struggled to make friends because of her awkwardness and introverted personality, unlike Shasha, who is known as the social butterfly.

She is envious of her receiving attention from literally everyone, which causes her to lose control of her insecurities. Her parents regularly urge her to hang out with Shasha and her friends, but because Anna is the last child, she is becoming excessively spoiled. Anna used countless excuses to get her parents to stop saying the same things. Her daily routine will be filled with paintings of various types of flowers, particularly her favourite, the sunflower. She wishes she could be like the sunflower, that shines brightly with its vibrant yellow colour and brings happiness to anyone who see it.

The sight of the white rabbit startled her as she sighed and slowly raised her chin, causing her to fall to the ground and scream. The white rabbit could only burst in laughter after witnessing how frightened Anna was and attempting to calm her down. “Hey Miss, please calm down I’m not here to scare you. Can you tell me why you're sad? Just so you know, I am a good listener.” Anna is still in disbelief that the rabbit can communicate in the same way like humans did. “Well, I am sad because I don’t know how to make friend and I wish I could be more open just like Shasha…”

Anna pouted and the white rabbit handed her a letter, asking the girl to open and read them. “I'm sure this one will help you in resolving your problem.” Anna opened the letter, amused that she had received an invitation to the 'Mad Tea Party.' If she accepted the offer, she could make the greatest of the opportunity by starting afresh and doing her best to overcome her nervousness in public, especially when meeting strangers. Without much thought, she instantly nodded and followed the white rabbit in a joyous mood. They both then vanished and shrank into the hole together.

With that being said, the thrilling journey began, and she couldn't wait to transcend her insecurities, setting a new goal of becoming the bright and sociable Anna Shane in a new surroundings.

[delicrieux]

☆ﾐ 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚊𝚢 “𝚘𝚑”

PART 24: OH...HI

after months and too much longing, you finally meet corpse in person.

─── corpse husband x reader ─── soc. media + written fiction! ─── word count: 3.8k

author’s note: we did it joe.

ultimate masterlist.  ҉  myso masterlist   ҉   previous. ҉   next.

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

You woke up. That’s a lie, you didn’t sleep. Too much to plan, too much can go wrong and you’re...Not nervous, no, that’s not quite accurate. Excited. Yes, excited, so excited that two Redbulls and three coffees (so far!) make you jitter around the apartment like a butterfly that can’t find a flower bed to rest on. 

Rae has almost had enough of your...random spurts of energy. So what if you ran a few laps, climbed a few tables, sang karaoke a bit too loud and yet another noise complaint had been issued? It arrived exactly an hour after your concert via your displeased landlord. Rae was, of course, the one to apologize because you were too busy trying on miniskirts. After that ordeal was taken care of, no sooner than Rae shut the front door with an exhausted sigh, you emerged from your room clad in your prettiest outfit. You present it to her with a bright smile and flourish. 

She is not impressed.

“Will you quit it?” She questions, arms crossed over her chest. Your grin does not damper -- you’re used to such harsh treatment, having accepted her backhanded way of showing love long ago. Instead, you flick your wrists, showing off an ungodly amount of rings. You’re not certain of the exact number because you can’t count, “Y/n.” Her voice gains an edge, but you persist. Show off your shoes that have cute lil’ charms that jingle jangle not unlike the spurs on a hot cowgirl’s boots, “Y/n.” Her eyes narrow in displeasure, her stern tone making you falter in your dramatic stride down the imaginary catwalk, “Just stop.”

Okay! So maybe you’re not as used to her coldness as you thought you were. Your expression sours, and you quit the act, even if a part of you - one you barely fight off, goodness, you almost perish in that battle - wants to continue but even more annoying. As if you could somehow block her rationality with manic energy. 

“What?” You ask, trying to keep the mood lighthearted despite her squared shoulders and tight frown, “I’m just having a bit of fun!” You say with a joyous little laugh, reaching for a glass of much needed water.

“No, you’re panicking.” Her words make the glass still, hoovering by your painted lips, but it’s short lived. You take a greedy gulp and it tastes fresh with a pinch of lipstick, “Look, I get it...” She shakes her head softly, “You’re meeting the guy you like for the first time, you jumped the gun straight to dating and now you’re...Anxious. It’s normal, you know.”

“But I’m not anxious.” You persist, and you really do mean it. You don’t like how she looks at you as if you’re the one that’s misunderstanding your own feelings. You set the glass down with a soft clink, heaving your own sigh, “I’m not, I’m really happy actually.” You explain softly, “It’s just...my way of dealing with it. I’m more... Worried about Corpse, to be honest.” You add, a tad quieter, “But, like, it’s all good!” You exclaim, strolling up to her and landing your hands on her shoulders, “I prepared.”

And it’s true! You had spent the night scouring the depths of the internet. Read every WikiHow article on how to deal with someone with extreme anxiety, how to not make things painfully awkward, and how to talk to boys (just in case. The last time you stumbled upon that particular article was way back in middle school when you had a crush on that one guy you saw in your school’s cafeteria every now and then. Naturally, that led you down the rabbit hole, and according to WikiHow’s How To Tell If A Boy Likes You guidebook, you found out that he was absolutely enamored with you because he glanced in your direction, like, two times. Safe to say that love story went nowhere. The point still stands). 

So you forward all of this information to Rae, nestled in her bed whilst she lazily folds her clothes; clarify that you know that nothing much can happen, and that this whole situation is delicate, and that you must tread carefully because you don’t want to overwhelm him. She pauses her actions, glancing behind her to watch you staring idly at the ceiling, so peaceful, so thoughtful. And it’s not the eerie calmness you had displayed during your murderous spree in the last Among Us game, no, it’s just...quiet understanding. 

“I’m actually impressed.” She says. You merely hum, counting the dust slowly descending in the cascading light, “You’re not as clueless as I thought.” Your lips quirk into a shy smile at the compliment- “Or as tactless.” - and turn downward just as quick.

“That implies that I’m always tactless.”

“You are.” She states and you sit up, a soft frown pinching your brows, “Not like, in a terrible way. You just...don’t think about your actions. Or the repercussions. You just know that you can get away with everything.”

“And I can!”

“That doesn’t actually mean you should do something just because you can. You know I’ll always support you. Literally everyone will always support you. But I’m not gonna coddle you. You’re just...a lot. Online and especially in person. But the fact that you’re actually taking this seriously and taking his feelings into consideration is...well, the bare minimum, but still, good job.”

...Much to think about. You don’t like thinking, it makes your head hurt. Though, that could just be the lack of sleep. You cross your legs and plop your head in your hand, tired eyes blinking owlishly, “Do you...think I should change what I’m wearing?”

Prompted by your question, she gives you a careful once over, “I mean, it’s signature you.”

“Signature me is a hoodie and some sweatpants.”

She smiles, “Then go change. Your outfit is a bit distracting for just...Hanging out indoors, no? I’m sure he wouldn’t mind either way, though.”

“I just...” You bite the inside of your cheek, mulling your words over. Truly, the last time you were so attentive was when you went Psycho Mode in Among Us, which, to be fair, wasn’t that long ago. Perhaps there wasn’t a chance to let your mind dull - it’s almost as sharp as your butterfly knife, “I figured that if, like,” You vaguely motion with your hands, “if I be, like, all over the place, and wearing something cute, he’d be, like, distracted? And less anxious? No...awkward silence?”

“First meetings are always awkward, it’s natural.” She chimes, “I mean, if you’re so nervous-”

“I’m not nervous!”

“-then just don’t overthink it. I know it’s easier said than done, but you’re you, and Corpse is Corpse, and he likes you for who you are, and even if it is a bit awkward, I’m sure it’ll, like, blow over in a second. It really doesn’t matter how you look, Y/n.” She grins, “Plus, it’s not like you’re greeting him in your underwear or something.”

You will not admit that that was your plan B, not when you just landed in her good graces. You nod, “...I’ll go change.” 

And so you do. Pick out your cutest hoodie and some sweatpants. Put away your jingle jangle shoes with a broken heart, instead of them donning your fluffiest socks; slip off some rings because they keep falling off of your fingers. It’s almost like all of those transformation scenes in rom-coms that are still popular for some reason, except you’re hot before and after, so there’s really no transformation at all. 

Now you wait. Just wait, all other activities are excluded from this. Rae comes back to find you sitting on the edge of your bed, back straight, hands neatly folded on your lap. She compares you to a Sim’s character and you allow her. After mercilessly mocking you and snapping a few pictures - for blackmail, you assume - she helpfully informs that she is leaving because she doesn’t want to get in the way, but your psychic abilities which you acquired just now tell you that she simply doesn’t want to witness this train wreck. Not that it’ll be a train wreck, it would be if you were nervous, but you aren’t. 

You just aren’t. You fidget with the rings adoring your hand; toy with the hem of your hoodie; bounce your leg up and down. It’s just caffeine, okay?! Fuck this, Twitter time.

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[ADDING A MUSICAL INTERMISSION, LISTEN TO THIS IF YOU WANT (I WROTE THIS CHAPTER WITH IT IN MIND)]

The waiting commences, only now it somehow feels more intense. The sun is setting, and you really want to be one of those cute girls that fill their camera roll with pictures of the sunset and the roseate sky, but your hands are trembling and holding up your phone feels like too much of a hassle. You’d rather just sit there, alone in the apartment, in the pin-drop silence, extremely uncomfy and tense, as if waiting for the end of the world. 

A notification sounds off and your life flashes before your eyes. Hastily, you check it, a sticky mixture of delight and something else, something unpleasant constricting, making your stomach churn. He’s here. Holy shit, it’s happening. You order your anime plushies to stop fucking panicking, they’re like, totally embarrassing you at the moment! You wonder if they have their own little group chat, but instead of Totally Spies it’s called Total Embarrassment. Yikes, okay, that was harsh. After a good scolding, and a heartfelt apology for getting so heated, you smooth down the non-existent wrinkles on your modest outfit, and quickly waddle over to the electronic apartment thingie something something... you unlock the main door, okay!? This is for some reason feeling very not cash money, so you break out in a little dance number.

The doorbell does not sing that shrill, unpleasant tune; rather, there’s a soft knock on the apartment’s door, and you pause your shuffling, your renegade, and perk up at the imposing future hidden behind a slab of wood. Your heart beats a melody all on it’s own, and it’s loud, uncoordinated, like a musician that’s still familiarizing themselves with their instrument. And there’s that knock again, as uncertain as you’re feeling, and your clammy fingers latch onto the lock and turn it and now there is no more hiding - such a possibility is no longer an option; no more sporadic dances or sitting in disheartening silence and letting your thoughts weight you down.

You’re not quite sure what you were thinking about before you saw him in the threshold, head tilted slightly, fluffy dark hair obscuring the bags under his eyes, hunched, one ringed hand clutching onto the strap of his duffel bag, the other frozen mid-air, ready to knock one more time lest you didn’t hear him the first two. No, truly, you can’t, for the life of you, remember what all the fuss was about. 

“...Oh.” It’s a soft sound, so quiet, but not surprised, rather...relieved. Faint shimmers of a smile reach you, hidden behind a black face mask - the panini chic! You must stan a respectful king - but there’s something about the way he looks at you that makes you question it’s sincerity. He fails to return your gaze, rather choosing to stare somewhere over your shoulder. His eyes seem unfocused. Apprehensive. A wild thought occurs to you that he expected you to trick him somehow, and wild thoughts invade the land of your mind often, but never in such a way. You clutch the handle just a bit tighter.

His hand retreats to his side, up to his mask and you think he’s about to unhook it but he stills, and there’s panic there, as if he had been moving unconsciously, as if he hadn’t realized what he’s doing. He plays it off by idly scratching his cheek, muttering an equally quiet, “Hi.” to fill the silence.

Finally, your WikiHow knowledge can come in handy, along with your common sense, “Hey, pretty boy.” You mutter, pulling away from the door, “Make yourself at home!” You slide to the kitchen, your socks acting not unlike ice-skates cutting through the Arctic frost covered ground. You hope that with you occupied and not watching him as closely he’ll feel slightly more at ease. 

You’d like to hug him. Kiss him, definitely. But if he’s so uncomfortable that he can’t bring himself to shed his mask in your presence, then there’s really nothing you can do. 

You hear the door shut and lock behind you as you pull out two glasses from the cupboard, humming a song you can’t quite recall the name of. You ask him if he’d like something to drink - it was a short flight, yet a flight still, and planes always make you thirsty, and there you go talking his ear off. You end abruptly, but smoothly, like a true diplomat; if he notices, you have no way of knowing - he doesn’t provide even a hint. He’s hard to read, and literature was never your best subject. But you’re trying.

He sets his duffel bag down on a nearby chair, “I, uhhh,” His voice is raspy and low, another indication of a pathetic lack of sleep, “I...got you something, uhh, I dunno-dunno if I should...give it now, or?” He sends you a questioning glance, but it doesn’t linger. Your offer of drinks is momentarily forgotten, though you hardly mind. 

You grin, “Sure! I love gifts, gimmie gimmie.” You make grabby hands, and he snorts, and it would’ve sounded endearing if he didn’t sound so fucking tired. He unzips the bag, and you pad your way to him, mindful of personal space (something you, in most social situations, chose to pretend does not exist). You note his hands quivering lightly, just like yours had in the agonizing wait, but he hides it well. You wish you could hold them. You’re afraid to try.

He pulls out a black hoodie and you recognize the custom art on it instantly - it’s his merch. He presents it in awkward flourish, murmuring a “Tadaaaa” under his breath; your heart skips a pleasant beat, and you have to bite down on your lower lip lest you smile appears too big. The fabric is soft under your fingers, and you accept his gift with a dramatic bow, and he turns his head away with another little laugh. You’re chipping away at the ice around him; it’s a slow process, but it’s worth the effort.

Truly, your own hoodie is shabby in comparison - icky, how could you have ever worn such a thing in the first place?! You’ll have to do extensive research in fashion magazines and Printerest so such a slip-up may never happen again. You discard it hastily and put his on instead; it smells like washing detergent with hints of cologne, one you instantly pin point belonging to him, “It’s, uhhh, it’s mine? I hope you, uhh, I didn’t have any spare ones, so-I hope you don’t...mind.”

He’s finally looking at you, but he’s still tense, still hesitant, and you shake your head softly, “No,” You admit, “I like it even more now.” You pull on the hood, toy with the strings and yank them quickly; your face is concealed, save for your nose, “Comfy.” Your commentary is unmatched, best of it’s kind - eloquent and effortless, much like yourself.

Another small laugh reaches your ears, and it sounds a bit livelier than the others had been. Success!

“Stop that.” He says gently, and you see moving shadows; his hands loosen the strings and your face is revealed to him once again. He’s close now, and he doesn’t move away; his hands come to rest on your shoulders, warm even through layers of fabric, “I came all this way to see you, don’t hide your face from me.” 

Your eyes narrow playfully, your finger rapidly tapping away on his clothed cheek, “What’s all this then? Hm? Hm?” Instead of swatting your hand away, which you figured he’d do, he complies and finally tugs that fucking mask off. Your breath catches in the back of your throat and you halt your ministrations - truly, seeing him smiling on screen is nothing compared to him smiling in person. You can’t quite contain yourself any longer - your excitement might burst out in another dance number otherwise - as you throw your arms over his shoulders and pull him flush against you. He’s quick to return the embrace. Maybe it was all the encouragement he needed.

“Wow,” He mumbles, only slightly offended, “so I finally show my face to you, in person, and you just-...you just look away?”

“I’m hugging you, dumbass.”

“...Touche.”

Things fall into place after that, like a dozen puzzle pieces fitting together. He won’t let you go - he doesn’t want to. You put on some music, something easy and indie and that doesn’t require too much effort to listen to, as the two of you contemplate what to eat. Cooking by yourselves was dismissed due to the unstable relationship between yourself and cooking utensils. The stove and you had had a falling out recently, but this feud had started long ago, back in pre-school, with only short intervals of friendship. He listened to your extensive explanation absolutely enraptured and only moderately confused. 

So you settled on ordering pizza from Domino’s. You have no trouble calling or receiving phone calls, because you have no trouble doing anything, and he admitted that he only really calls you because he gets too anxious to do more, so you’re tasked with ordering the food. You accept this mission with pride.

You stand tall, gazing out the window into the wild California domain: massive buildings and towering eucalyptus trees, bleeding skyline and the sun slowly getting swallowed up by the ocean. Corpse looms behind you, with his arms snaked around your waist and his chin resting on your shoulder, looking at you through the corner of his eye. You wait patiently for the underpaid, overworked staff member to pick up, and once they do, you have the audacity to grin brightly and chirp, “Hi! I want pizza.”

Conversations flow smoothly, and you make hot chocolate - because you are hot and you crave chocolate - and he insists he wants one too, because you want one, and you don’t hesitate to overflow his cup with whipped cream and an ungodly amount of miniature marshmallows. A premature heart attack, just for him. Whoever said romance is dead has clearly never met you. When the doorbell chimes, you’re astounded that an hour flew by so quickly.

After the delicious meal, the movie night must commence. So what if you watched 10 Things I hate About You yesterday, you insist that you have already forgotten the plot. You lead him to your room and he tries not to stare, but can’t help himself. Pretty boy in a pretty girl’s room. His eyes linger on the massive posters of Chrollo on your walls, and you sense his displeasure rolling off of him in waves. 

“What?” You huff, fluffing the pillows, “You don’t like my husband?”

He jabs his finger into his chest, into the spot of his heart, “I’m your husband.”

“Side hoe, then-”

“-No.”

You didn’t lie when you said you love to cuddle, or that you’re clingy. It’s a good thing he’s just as clingy as you are, because when he lays down and you latch onto his side. He doesn’t complain, rather wraps his arm around pulls you close. His thumb draws lazy circles on your side; with your head resting on his chest, you feel each rhythmical rise and drop. 

The opening credits play on the projector, the room dark enough for your pile of plushies to look like a whole fucking human just standing in the corner. A ghost! Sucks for it, you’re not scared. You feel safe. Protected. So comfortable in Corpse’s hold that you’re honestly wondering how did you manage to be so long without him. To think all of this started when Sykkuno followed you on Twitter. What a lucky accident.

“Can I ask you something?” Your voice cuts through the bopping 90s soundtrack and Julia Stiles’ voice. He hums. You take it as a yes. Tilting your head upwards, you find his eyes again, a thorn of displeasure picking you as you note that that apprehension you had seen previously is still very much there, “...You really wouldn’t date me if I was a worm?”

His chest rumbles with a laugh and his lips split into a grin, “I would.” He presses your side for emphasis, “I really would.” He repeats, reassuringly. You, however, are not convinced.

“But I’d be a worm.”

“I know. We’d... roll around in the dirt together, or something.”

“But you’d be human.”

He frowns softly, “Why couldn’t I be a worm, too?”

“Those are the rules.”

“What kind of shitty fucking rules are those?”

“I dunno, it’s like the Thanos snap or something. I just turn into a worm. I’m the only one.”

“That’s fine.” He smiles, “I’d take you out on a fishing date or something.”

Shocked, offended, and heartbroken, you hit his chest and pointedly turn away with a pout, which he finds very funny for some reason, but you fail to see the humor anywhere except the movie. Despite the fact that he’d sacrifice you for a fish, you smile shyly and close your eyes. He did say you would take a nap together, and if he really thought you’d stay awake for movie night, well, then he’s just an idiot. You had decided you would fall asleep as soon as he was next to you. It’s a miracle you managed to stay awake for so long.

“...Sleeping already?” You don’t appreciate his teasing tone.

“’m not sleeping...” You murmur, “’m resting my eyes.”

“Sure.”

You’re not quite certain (of anything, really) how much time drifts by, but you’re nearly lost in unconsciousness, in the warm, nice feeling that comes along with him like a cloud. Perhaps he thinks you’re asleep, he has to, else he wouldn’t say anything at all, “You’re stuck with me now, you know.” It’s such a soft admission, riddled with the same notes of anxiety that always prevail in his speech; with the same hopeful sincerity he had been gazing at you the whole evening. 

Moving your lips is such a hassle, but you manage, “’m...stuck...” You mumble, “’m...stuck...what are you doing step-”

“No!” He laughs, and your lips quirk into a lazy smile, “No, no, no. Just no. Do you talk in your sleep?” You fake snore at that, loudly, “You’re like a little dragon.”

“...Fuck you.”

“Fine, a kitten, then.” That’s better. You feel something chapped, but soft, press onto your forehead, “Goodnight, Y/n.”

God, you’re so fucking happy. Does he know how happy you are? How happy he makes you? But you’re too tired for screaming and flailing around, too tired to even crack an eye open. You want him to know all the same, “...like you.” You whisper, but you don’t know if he hears you over the movie, “...I like you.”

His reply is instant, breathless, “I like you too.”

Good, you want to say, and maybe you do - can’t tell anymore. Sleep takes you too quickly.

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tags (in italics is those i couldn’t tag! make sure all’s ok w your settings!) : @littlebabysandboxburritos - @fairywriter-oracle - @tsukishimawh0re - @ofstarsanddreams - @bbecc-a - @annshit - @leahh19 - @letsloveimagines - @bellomi-clarke - @wineandionysus - @guiltydols - @onephootinfrontoftheother - @liamakorn - @thirstyfangirl - @lilysdaydreams - @pan-ini - @mxqicshxp - @tanchosanke - @yoshinorecommends - @flightsandfantasy - @liljennyx3 - @bingusmode - @unknown-and-invisible - @sinister-sleep - @fivedicksinatrenchcoat - @mercury--moon - @peterparkerspjsuit - @unstableye - @simonsbluee - @shinyshimaagain - @ppopty - @siriuslystupid - @crapimahuman - @ofthedewthesunlight - @mythicalamphitrite - @artsyally - @corpsesimpp - @corpsewhitetee - @corpse-husbandsimp - @hyp-oh-critical - @roses-and-grasses - @rhyrhy462 - @sparklylandflaplawyer - @charbkgo - @airwaveee - @creativedogs - @kaitlyn2907 - @loxbbg - @afuckingunicornn - @fleurmoon - @yeolliedokai

more tags are in the comments bcs tumblr only allows me to tag 50 people max 💙