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spaceorphan18 · 4 years

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i really liked your s6 blaine meta! would you be willing to do something similar for season 5 episodes 14-20?

Hi Nonny! Sorry for the delay, this is kind of a huge undertaking. I’m going to be honest, this will be more of an abridged answer. I really recommend looking over to my Finding Kurt Hummel Meta, because a lot of Kurt and Blaine’s stories are intertwined, and I do talk a lot about Blaine and his motivations there. That said, let’s dig in!

Pre-New York Arc

So, as Blaine tells us when before he’s going to graduate, his senior year has been really hard and really weird. He broke up with his boyfriend, dealt with a school shooting, suffered the loss of a good friend, and then got engaged. (Y’all should check out my Glee Timeline to see just how squished all of this stuff really was.) By the time his tenure as a high school student is over, he’s desperate to fast forward to being a full fledged adult -- living out his dreams in New York City. The problem is trying to force your dreams come true doesn’t always work, especially when a) you’re still a kid trying to figure things out and b) you still have a lot of insecurities and mental health issues to deal with.

So Blaine (and Kurt) still have a lot of growing up to do. And a lot of the New York Arc is figuring out just that.

Let’s talk about the proposal for a second, too. Blaine jumping to marriage is, yes, a bit pre-mature. He’s was so desperate to get his relationship back on track with Kurt, and so wanting to prove his commitment, he jumped about fifteen other steps and went straight to what he would be the ultimate band-aide -- marriage. Well, just because you’re married (or engaged) doesn’t mean you don’t have a lot of issues in your relationship. Blaine and Kurt were too young for their engagement -- and not necessarily because of their age, but because they really hadn’t dealt with a lot of things the move to New York, the cheating, and the first break up did to their relationship. However, Blaine wants to ignore a lot of the red flags because he feels since he has Kurt back, and put a ring on that finger, he should be fine, right? His insecurities about Kurt not loving him or wanting to leave him should be squashed because -- ring. Right?? Oh, Blainey.

New New York

So, what we don’t see is the six-to-nine months of Kurt and Blaine living together. Which is a shame. Because we don’t see how it started, and how they probably were so head over heels wanting to live together and do all the fun things Burt listed off in his conversation with Kurt before the proposal in Love Love Love that they did not have any kind of conversation about how living together would ultimately work. So, it’s nine months later, and things aren’t so rosey.

Blaine is trying very hard to make them the old married couple he wants them to be (which is no shade on Blaine!). He’s singing old timey songs, and basically trying to show his love through acts of servitude, and kind of trying to ignore the nagging feeling that Kurt’s unhappy about it.

Blaine is a giver by nature, and wants to make Kurt happy, and he thinks if he can be the perfect boyfriend (because he wasn’t before, made a mistake, didn’t take into account that Kurt really was part of that issue, and blames himself for the relationship woes) that his relationship with Kurt will be fine. The problem is that Blaine is losing himself in the relationship -- trying to be the person he thinks Kurt wants him to be, and the person his own imagination thinks he should be, instead of the person he really is.

The other thing is that Blaine is a bit clingy. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with your significant other. But Blaine wants to spend every waking moment with Kurt so they can share their magical journey together. You see -- in high school, they were joined at the hip, and did do a lot of things together. But they also had a lot of time apart. They both had groups of friends to do things with, and different households to go home to. But now, all aspects of their life are jammed into that little loft. And for Blaine, it’s fine, (though it’s not - he has to learn how to be an individual person, too), but Kurt is struggling with it.

Here’s the part where I do need to bring up Blaine and his homelife. Blaine being who he is - is somewhat just his personality. But part of it is also his homelife. We can infer that unlike the Hummel household, Blaine’s family wasn’t exactly ones to unconditionally supportive in the same way. He always had to compete for attention (and possibly love) with Cooper. He has always felt that no matter how ‘good’ he is -- he’s a failure. And he is, by far, his own worst critic. These are things that Kurt cannot fix for him, and while Kurt can continue to love and support him, Blaine himself has to reach a belief that he is a worthy individual of love, support, and happiness.

Also, because Blaine is trying so hard to make life perfect for Kurt, he’s not being able to make his own experience uniquely his own. He tries to find a cute couch -- but it’s rejected (rightfully because bed bugs, but still). He tries to make himself a space in the loft, but Kurt shuts that down. Everything is about how Kurt thinks and feels, and because Blaine’s giving in on these things, he starts to go inward on himself, and thus they fight over dumb things. (Kurt needs to learn how to share and compromise, Blaine needs to learn to stand up for himself and his own wants and needs.)

As an aside, Blaine isn’t really jealous of Elliott -- that’s a bit of displaced anger. But going to Elliott does help (wise sage that he is), and while that convo is a little weird, there is some good advice in Elliott saying you have to figure out who you are, and maybe not be so clingy. Boundaries are good and don’t lose yourself in the relationship.

So, about their decision to live apart -- my Kurt meta had a good paragraph:

I’d also like to mention that Kurt isn’t really thrilled with Blaine’s idea. He doesn’t want Blaine to leave, but he recognizes that something has to change. Unfortunately, they’re still young and growing and don’t have the tools or experience to figure out how to fix what’s wrong. So - in a way, I get this solution. Blaine doesn’t know how to give Kurt emotional space - so let’s try physical instead.

Blaine wants to fix the situation, so it’s no surprise that Blaine is the one to comp up with the solution. It’s not great (honestly, they should have moved out and found their own place but alas tv show logic), but it’ll have to work for now. Blaine is more interested in salvaging his relationship the only way he can try to. Unfortunately there are some other, bigger issues going on, but for now, they’ve come up with something that might help.

Bash

It’s a shame we don’t get more Blaine during this episode, because I think it’s really important. There’s a story here about the frustrations a gay couple can have when one of them is going through a major trauma, and the other can only sit and wait to see how it turns out -- adding in outside factors such as, hospitals not allowing the partner to visit because they aren’t legally “family”.

So, one of Blaine’s biggest fears is losing Kurt. And this time he does to an external power. Blaine, who likes to control things just about as much as Kurt, feels like he should be able to protect Kurt no matter what, and comes out of this episode feeling like it’s his duty to do that.

You see, Blaine doesn’t think he’ll survive very well if anything ever happened to Kurt, and kind of ignoring the fact that Kurt kinda jumped into the fight himself, Blaine decides that he’ll do everything in his power to ‘save’ him. Problem is, that’s not at all what Kurt wants or needs.... Which will be discussed more in the next episode.

Meanwhile, Blaine manages to piss off Carmen Tibideaux with he and Rachel’s little duet idea. Not liking anyone mad at him, he does go retake the final (or whatever it is), and pours his own fears and sadness into the song. I do kind of wonder if Blaine’s involvement in this is a slight nod that Blaine won’t be finishing his college career at NYADA. (Which is fine - the school is utter shit.)

Tested

Okay, god. Here’s the Kurt Meta because this is one really complicated episode that I won’t do justice in the little blurb I’m going to write here. There’s A LOT going on, and it’s helpful in understanding the story as a whole, and I do write about both their sides in the Kurt Meta.

So, here we are -- Blaine is trying to make Kurt’s New York life and experience perfect, and he kind of ignores his own. But, he is indulging himself (as young people in new places often do) and not taking care of his physical health either. He does gain some weight (or Glee tries to suggest that he does), and this latches on to his insecurities from before.

A lot of this episode’s issues comes down to identity --- Blaine saw himself as the White Knight in Shiny Armor -- the one who protected Kurt from Karofsky, and made him smile. The one who was the prince who got to give the other prince the Happily Ever After. The problem, though, is all of this is magical fairy tale talk that doesn’t work in the real world.

Kurt isn’t a delicate flower who needs rescuing. He is very physically fit, and is seen as attractive by other people. And Kurt is trying to find his own, individual identity that isn’t solely connected to Blaine. All of this activates Blaine’s major insecurity about being rejected -- about not being loved enough. He doesn’t understand that he doesn’t have to be the person who another person needs for them to love him. He can just be the person who someone wants. But Blaine has a very hard time with this concept. His value of himself is wrapped up in how much he thinks he’s needed, which of course, causes all the problems.

What’s making it worse is that Blaine begins to manipulate the situation -- trying to make Kurt ‘need’ him again, which is very unhealthy (don’t do that guys!). But also starts to do what he always does, and we see a repeat of the issues had back in season 3/4. Blaine starts to pull away physically because he fears he’s not good enough, and in turn, Kurt pulls away emotionally, and it’s just a downward spiral that they keep doing.

The thing that Blaine is not doing is expressing how he actually feels to Kurt. When he finally does that at the end of the episode, when he reaches out and says ‘hey I need help’ Kurt is finally there for him. (Yes, Kurt is still pissed, but at the end of the day, Kurt is not wrong about the fact that he’ll never stop loving blaine -- no matter what happens.) The problem is, no matter how many times Kurt can say it, or even show it, until Blaine actually trusts him, it’s never going to work.

As an aside -- one of the reasons I think the second break up actually was good for them, is that Blaine learns how to love himself, and live with himself, after Kurt’s gone. He’s too attached to defining his self worth based on what Kurt thinks of him -- and that’s not healthy.

(Also, I encourage you to read the Tested Meta -- there is so much to dig into in this episode!)

Opening Night

There really isn’t much Blaine in this episode - but we do see him use his acts of service love language towards Rachel. Usually, she’s much better in her response, though.

I also want to point out that it’s Blaine’s idea to go to the gay bar. I’m all for Blaine starting to learn where his places in the city are. Makes me wonder if Kurt and Blaine frequented there together, of this was a Blaine only thing. Hmm.

The Back-Up Plan

So... the June Dolloway stuff. Okay.

June plays to Blaine’s romantic ideals of what life as a successful performer would be. And, as we’ve talked about, Blaine’s self worth is based on the idea of how much people need him (or want to use him). So, he kind of falls into June’s trap, and lets her try to mould him into who she thinks he is. The problem is, that entails getting rid of Kurt. But a big part of who Blaine is - is loving Kurt.

There’s also the issue of competition again (which came up in Tested, too) that I kind of roll my eyes at. I’m not going to say that Hollywood, or the performing arts, isn’t competitive. Because it is, in a lot of ways. However, I feel like media and society are often the ones pushing that narrative. You can be successful and still support your friends and love ones.

There’s an entire conversation to be had about how art is subjective, and this idea that this painting is better than that one is just kind of stupid, so all of these fancy awards for things are really, often times, just rich or powerful people stating what they think is the “best” and puts a false equivalency on things that can’t or shouldn’t be pit next to each other.

So, this whole idea that Blaine is ‘winning’ because June picked him is just -- whatever, Glee. The thing that I do like, however, is the fact that, despite Kurt being disappointed in the situation, he is still supportive of Blaine and his career. The thing that I think is a bit contrived is Blaine’s eagerness to please everyone leads him to lie to Kurt instead of be honest about what’s going on with June. But alas, television.

However, as we’ve talked about earlier -- Blaine’s ultimate goal is to make everyone happy at the expense of his own happiness, so it isn’t out of nowhere that Blaine would try to please June and Kurt at the same time, in an attempt to ‘fix’ everything before someone rejects him.

Old Dogs, New Tricks

So... this episode really isn’t about Blaine or the Klaine issues at all. Chris was perhaps wise (and maybe mandated a little) not to even get into it.

The thing, though, we do see is that Blaine’s spending a lot of time on his fantasy career ideas with June. He does recognize that Kurt isn’t really happy with life, and while the Klaine issues will eventually hit the fan, that’s not what this episode is about. It’s about Kurt trying to find his own place, and make his own happiness, when everyone around him is becoming more successful. It’s really not Blaine’s issue -- and I’m glad Chris didn’t make it out to be.

Instead, Blaine plays the supportive partner here, and while they do need to work more of their shit out, I’m glad they do get a softer, and more emotionally aware moment here.

The Untitled Rachel Berry Project

So, Kurt mentions in this episode that he and Blaine have had some long conversations about their relationship. And while I’m sure that’s true (probably a lot after Tested), I do have to wonder if Blaine wasn’t listening as well as he should have been. I think, in order to preserve things, Blaine probably nodded along, and took more notes on how to be the world’s perfect boyfriend, while maybe not actually comprehending some of the issues Kurt laid out. All the while, I’m guessing that Blaine didn’t express many of his wants or needs, in order to not rock the boat. Unfortunately, all of this holding back, on both their parts, comes back to haunt them.

The big lie comes out, that Kurt isn’t in the showcase, and this plays a lot on Kurt’s insecurities, partly about being a failed performer, and a lot about his trust issues with Blaine from the last time they broke up. Blaine is the type of guy who tries to make everything perfect until he literally can’t anymore, and he’s left there being forced to tell the truth, even though he knows it’ll hurt himself and Kurt. And while this, normally, would be a minor thing, because of their past history -- this self-imposed forced disappointment is what he expects. Because he believes that sooner or later, he’s going to eventually disappoint everyone he loves, and they will eventually leave him.

The thing is -- Blaine has a tendency to push people away, because he thinks that’s what he deserves. But interestingly, Kurt comes back to him -- and they talk about it.

And, I’m just gonna quote my Kurt Meta cause I don’t feel like writing it all out, but the Klaine scene here is important!

So - yeah, let’s break this down… Kurt’s pretty stiff when he comes to Blaine, arms crossed, looking forward out at the birds and not at Blaine. He’s thought through is anger, but these kind of conversations are still hard for Kurt. But then there’s Blaine – who outright says to him that the showcase doesn’t mean anything without Kurt – that /Kurt/ is more important to him than his career. And Kurt visibly relaxes when he hears this. Because its confirmation of something he does already know – that Blaine really does love him. He seems to fuck it up, but he loves him. And it’s something Kurt really did need to hear again.

(Obviously vise versa needs to happen, too, but more on that in a second.)

So - Kurt goes on talking about birds, and builds this elaborate metaphor around them – about how taking a step out of the nest is freakin’ scary, but you can’t stay in that nest forever – at some point you have to trust that you can fly. And even if you fall and hit the ground, you have to keep on trying.

Well, Kurt comes to the smart conclusion that relationships are like his bird metaphor – you can’t have a relationship unless there is implicit trust there as a foundation. And he’s learned, the hard way, that yeah, sometimes one of them is going to fuck up and they will hit the ground like a stone, but if you hold on to your faith that it’ll be all fine in the end – that you can help each other out keep that solid foundation, it’ll be okay. Because at the end of the day, you can’t ever be 100% that someone won’t hurt you again, you can’t control anyone else but yourself (oohh and Kurt letting go of complete control is huge - HUGE).

And yeah, yeah this little speech is nice and all but what about what’s about to happen? What about the second break up? Do you guys remember in Dance With Somebody when Blaine says to Kurt - if you’re unhappy talk to me don’t cheat on em? Well - this is almost the inverse of that. Kurt says to Blaine that you don’t even know if or when someone’s going to break that trust – and this is true, because yeah, Kurt is going to fuck it up not that long after this conversation.

But this is a resolution to the original issue back in season 4 – Kurt’s finally understanding that in order for this thing to work, he has to choose to trust Blaine. Blaine can’t instill that in him – it’s something Kurt has to do for himself. And for better or worse, he does choose to trust Blaine, to love Blaine, to let Blaine in implicitly. Blaine has been desperately trying to break through Kurt’s shell since the whole cheating incident, get back into that place in Kurt’s heart. But what Blaine doesn’t know - or realize - and what Kurt’s just figuring out himself, is that it’s not about Blaine’s ability – it’s about Kurt allowing it to happen.

Kurt doesn’t let people into his world, past is exterior, implicitly into his heart – but on a smaller scale, this whole June ordeal kind of just puts things into perspective. Yeah – he was mad about Blaine’s lie – but he realizes that the way Kurt was acting about it, he was going to be hurt either way. And he can be mad and be angry, but at the end of the day, they all have choices to make, and Kurt makes the decision to still stand by Blaine through the hard stuff as well as the easy stuff.

(But what about season 6? Well – we’ll talk about that when we get there ;))

I will say this – Kurt never breaks his promise about loving Blaine no matter what. Even through the stupidity of the second breakup, it’s really not because he doesn’t love Blaine. That’ll always be apart of him, and the more they go on, the more he understands his own heart will always feel that way.

Meanwhile – Kurt actually can be (gasp) a loving and supportive partner. Yeah, it’s hard on him to feel unwanted by June – he’s been fighting that fight since forever. But he is proud of Blaine, wants Blaine to fly incredibly high – and much like way back when in season 3 with Tony – he’ll be there giving Blaine flowers and telling him how amazing he is. Which is reassurance that Blaine needs, but doesn’t always get.

(I realize that’s mostly Kurt’s POV - but it covers what’s going on with Blaine, too.)

The thing though, while Kurt’s learning what it means to trust again, Blaine really just wants everything to be fine. And gives in to Kurts wants and needs immediately. The one problem, really, that’s still lingering is the fact that Blaine is still only defining himself through his relationship, and that’s not good, and is part of the reason Kurt’s going to pull away, and ultimately break up with him, the second time.

But, we do end the season on a happy note. Blaine, feeling the love and support from Kurt, is able to stand up to June, and is able to have a moment for himself, where he gets to express his true self, in the form of showing everyone his love for Kurt at the showcase. We also get a moment of a small step forward when Kurt let’s Blaine have a bit of the loft -- a small space to call his own.

Yes, ultimately it’s going to break down again, but it’s a first step. By the end of the season, Blaine and Kurt have started to learn what being in a real, adult relationship is like, but ultimately, for Blaine, he needs to learn to be okay with himself first and foremost, and that is what Season 6 was about...

If you’d like to continue on, here’s the Season 6 Blaine Meta!

I know there are things I didn’t get into -- like Blaine’s relationship with Sam, but idk, I don’t think there was much to pick apart there.

If you guys have any questions on specific things, let me know! :)

#blaine anderson #that's how s.o. sees it #Anonymous #season 5 is really unresolved for blaine in a lot of ways #poor kiddo

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blackswaneuroparedux · 4 years

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Anonymous asked: I love your blog it’s definitely one of the most smartest and cultured ones around. Since you are a super chilled out military vet (flying combat helicopters, how cool is that?!) and also a very thoughtful and devout Christian (I think you talked about being an Anglican) I know this is a cheeky question but I’ll ask it anyway. Would you rather live in a military dictatorship or a theocratic dictatorship?

Now this is an interesting question you play at 2am and the wine is dangerously low.

I have to correct you on a couple of things. Yes, it was ‘cool’ to fly combat helicopters especially in a battlefield setting but it was just a job, like any other. And it’s never about the pilot it’s about the rest of the team behind you, especially your ground crew who make sure you go up and come back in one piece. As for being super chilled you clearly have never seen how sweaty one gets flying in high stress situations. Oh and the stink! A skunk wouldn’t last 5 minutes in my cockpit.

As for my Christian beliefs, I’ll settle for being a believing one. My faith, such as it is, is about living - and failing - by grace day by day than being fervently devout. Faith is a struggle to not rely upon one’s own strength but on divine mercy and grace.

Anyway....

Would I rather live in a military dictatorship or a theocratic dictatorship?

History has shown there's not a lot of difference between the two...

No, wait. On second thoughts maybe I would rather live in a military dictatorship as the lesser evil.

As an ex-officer in her HM armed forces, I know things will be run pretty efficiently with no dilly-dallying. So there’s that.

I suppose even if one does say it’s preferable to live under military rule rather than a theocratic one there is still the question of what kind of military rule? Every nation that has been under military rule came to power and sustained their hold under different dynamics. And of course it also depends on how mature civil society and the rule of law as well as the democratic culture really was in the first place. A lot is tied up with the brutal nature of the personality of the regime leader too. There are simply too many variables.

So one is forced to generalise. So l can’t get too serious in answering this question.

Rather than focus on the negative side let’s look on the bright side.

Just off the top of my head I can think of these reasons why I would choose to ‘live’ under military rule than a theocratic one. There are in no real order:

Beds will be made properly subject to inspection.

Families will be run like military units with the man at the head of the table.

Family meals will be taken at set times.

Public civility will make a return (e.g. no public spitting, drunken, or loutish behaviour).

Freedom of speech will more likely be censored than abolished (better than nothing I suppose)

Elections would be rigged rather than banned (but who really votes anyway these days?) 

They will most likely make the trains run on time (unless you’re British or Italian).

Military leaders often enjoy genuine popularity - albeit after eliminating plausible rivals - that is based on “performance legitimacy,” a perceived competence at securing prosperity and defending the nation against external or internal threats. The new autocrats of today are more surgical: they aim only to convince citizens of their competence to govern.

Maintaining power, for military dictators and their court, is less a matter of terrorising and persecuting victims than of manipulating beliefs about the world. But of course they can do both if backed into a corner to survive.

State propaganda aims not to re-engineer human souls but to boost the military regime leader’s ratings.

The military tend to stay out of personal lives. They have a political police but not necessarily a moral police.

Economic growth is more likely to be stable than under a theocratic state.

Military dictatorships are more likely to build vast bureaucracies to run the state - more jobs for everyone

The military put on great events. Their parades are more colourful and spectacular.

Having a sense of humour is more likely to get you imprisoned than executed for telling an anti-regime joke. It’s no joke to say that people develop a more refinery subversive sense of humour when oppressed. Take for example a famous comedian in Myanmar, Zarganar, for whom comedy is a shield and a weapon. During the time of the military dictatorship (1962-2010) he would make jokes like, “The American says, 'We have a one-legged guy who climbed Mount Everest.' The Brit says, 'We recently had a guy with no arms who swam the Atlantic Ocean. But the Burmese guy says, 'That's nothing! We had a leader who ruled for 18 years without a brain!" It was for jokes like this that Zarganar received a prison sentence in 2008 - for up to 59 years.

Military dictatorships don’t last long. They are more unstable. They tend to fall from the weight of their own contradictions.

One of the problems of living in a theocracy is how absolutist it would be in looking at life in terms of clear cut black and white according to those who rule over you. I strongly suspect in a theocratic state the morality secret police will be all over you looking for any social or moral infraction. In a Christian Theocracy, you'll never be Christian enough - the same would be for states that were Islamic, Judaic or Hindu etc. There's always going to be some pious asshole there with another version of Christianity that is more Christian than you and you're going to lose the freedom to make your own choices.

Under theocracies, unlike other authoritarian regimes, the rulers are the moral authorities that legitimises and fuels their political legitimacy to govern. It assumes its own moral correctness married to its political destiny to rule over others. As C.S Lewis memorably puts it, “Theocracy is the worst of all governments. If we must have a tyrant, a robber baron is far better than an inquisitor. The baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity at some point be sated; and since he dimly knows he is doing wrong he may possibly repent. But the inquisitor who mistakes his own cruelty and lust of power and fear for the voice of Heaven will torment us infinitely because he torments us with the approval of his own conscience and his better impulses appear to him as temptations.”

Finally, I’ll go with the military dictatorship with the hope that there might be some way of bringing the system down with a bit of logic and rationality. Hell knows that wouldn't be possible in a theocratic system!

I agree with Margaret Atwood when she said, “If you disagree with your government, that's political. If you disagree with your government that is approaching theocracy, then you're evil.” There’s more wriggle room with fighting against a military dictatorship because it’s usually against an asshole tyrant - or a ruling oligarchy of a military junta - and not a pernicious idea soaked in theological bullshit or an entire ideology divinely santificated by God himself.

A more interesting question is not to ask is why many people are so readily drawn to be ruled under a military rule or a theocratic one and especially a benevolent dictatorship (like Lee Kwan Yew in Singapore or Paul Kagame in Rwanda) but why increasingly more people in the Western world look to authoritarian figures to rule and shape their lives?

Why do Silicon Valley titans like Peter Thiel and others like him think fondly of ditching democracy in the name of some utopian hyper-capitalist vision of ‘freedom’?

I hear murmurs of the same talk when I interact with corporate colleagues and high net worth individuals I hear it around dinner tables about how democracy is bad for business and profit. Often it’s accompanied by praise for China's ability to "get things done." I just roll my eyes and smile politely.

I think - outside of the legitimate concern of the decay of civil discourse, the corruption of politicians, and corrosiveness of crony capitalism - it’s because democratic politics is hard. Damn hard.

Moreover democratic politics does not have a "right" answer. There never is.

In our Western societies it is the playing field (or market place?) where our values compete. Surely, you say, there is a right way to get the job done: to fill in the potholes, build the roads, keep our streets safe, get our kids to learn reading and math. Ah, but look how quickly those issues get contentious.

Whose potholes should get filled first? Do we try to keep our streets safe through community policing or long prison sentences? Should teachers be given merit pay, are small classrooms better, or should we lengthen the school day? These issues engender deep political fights, all - even in the few debates where research provides clear, technocratic answers. That is because the area of politics is an area for values disputes, not technical solutions.

One person's "right" is not another's because people prioritise different values: equity versus excellence, efficiency versus voice and participation, security versus social justice, short-term versus long-term gains.

Democratic politics allows many ideas of "right" to flourish. It is less efficient than dictatorship. It also makes fewer tremendous mistakes.

The longing for a leader who knows what is in her people's best interests, who rules with care and guides the nation on a wise path, was Plato's idea of a philosopher-king. It's a tempting picture, but it's asking the wrong question.

In political history, philosophers moved from a preference for such benevolent dictators to the ugly realities of democracy when they switched the question from "who could best rule?" to "what system prevents the worst rule?"

But clearly democracy is buckling under pressure in our torrid times. Populism - the logical end consequence of a purer democracy - is chipping away at the edifice of democratic norms and conventions. Increasingly inward looking nativism and nationalism fuel passions beyond the control of reason.

Perhaps it is time we went back to the tried and tested example of a monarchy, a constitutional one that is.

A revitalised monarchy in Britain needs a Head of State that can provide a personal identity to an impersonal State, and a collective sense of itself. A Head of State who does not owe his or her position to either patronage or a vote can more properly represent all the people. Consider that a President who has been elected, often by a minority of a minority of the electorate, cannot adequately speak for the people who did not vote for him or her. It is even worse if the President has been appointed, because then he owes his position to a small clique.So, the accident of birth is the best means of appointing a Head of State. Someone who has no party political axe to grind, or special favours to repay to a vested interest. Someone whose allegiance is to the people. Not just allegiance to the people who voted for him or his political party, but allegiance to all the people of the country equally. Far from being "incompatible" with democracy, a Monarchy can thereby enhance the government of the land.

The Monarch is a national icon. An icon which cannot be replaced adequately by any other politician or personality. This is because the British Monarchy embodies British history and identity in all its aspects, both good and bad.

When you see the Queen you not only see history since 1952, when she took the throne, but you see a person who provides a living sense of historical continuity with the past. Someone who embodies in her person a history which extends back through time, back through the Victorian era, back into the Stuart era and beyond. You see the national history of all parts of our islands, together, going right back in time.

As Edmund Burke, Roger Scruton and Michael Oakeshott would say, the monarchy is a living continuity between the past, the present and the future.

With its traditions, its history, its ceremonial, and with its standing and respect throughout the world, the British Monarchy represents a unique national treasure, without which the United Kingdom would be sorely impoverished.

If you value national distinctiveness, you should be a Monarchist.

If you are anti-globalist you should be a Monarchist because Monarchies represent the different national traditions and distinctions among the nations.

The desire to secure, strengthen and promote your own distinct national icons, whether your Monarch, or your own unique national identity, should be your concern, whether you live here in St Andrews, or whether you live in St Petersburg, or whether you live in St Paulo.

As the global financial system rushes us all towards a world intended to eradicate all local and national distinctions, the Monarchy stands out as different, distinct and valuable. Constitutionally, practically, spiritually and symbolically the Monarchy is a national treasure, the continued erosion of which would change the character of Britain, and not in a good way!

I’m speaking as a High Tory now, sorry. And so of course I only see it working for the United Kingdom....and the Commonwealth (slip that discreetly in there for you India, Australia, Canada, and Africa).

Still, if you want egalitarianism then look at Norway and the Netherlands - both highly "egalitarian" societies, and both monarchies.

Everyone else will just have to jolly well do without or ask us politely to come back (I’m looking at you my dear American colonial cousins, all will be forgiven).

The best of all worlds? Time will tell.

At your service, Ma’am....

Thanks for your question.

#question #ask #military dictatorship #government #rule #democracy #culture #society #theocracy #army #christianity #religion #nd high net worth individuals

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gofancyninjaworld · 5 years

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OPM Manga Chapter 129 Review: Turning the Tide

I intended to ruminate on this chapter for a good while before writing a review, but it’s niggling too much, so I’m pinching some time away from work to do this. If you don’t tell my boss, we’re good!

The Story: Before terror, even the hardest will crack

This chapter was a hoped-for, but unexpected treat as we continue where we left off in chapter 126 with Garou and Darkshine facing off. Darkshine continues to throw powerful punches at Garou, only for the latter to evade them effortlessly while sending his own shocking blows that send Darkshine flying.

charging at you like a freight train aimed at your solar plexus, Garou is literally breath-taking

Murata’s excellent choreography makes words nearly superfluous. As the fear grows in Darkshine, we see his movements become increasingly less fluid and turn more into desperate defensive swings: the language turns from ‘let’s fight’ to ‘please stay away from me’.

Nevertheless, we’re glad for the words. They add context to Darkshine’s struggles as we learn that he’s never wanted to fight. Fighting sucks -- a real fight is uncertain in outcome and carries the real possibility of loss, serious injury or even death. He’s wanted to experience triumph through matching strength with others, a totally different beast. When people say they want a challenge, they mean something that stretches, and almost, but not quite overwhelms them. Something that they remain in ultimate control of. That feeling of flow, of exerting oneself fully to meet a difficult situation, that’s the feeling Darkshine has been chasing.

Garou doesn’t offer a mere exhibition of strength, but a real fight, and we see the terror gradually consume Darkshine until Garou both figuratively and literally looms over him. And then... a minor miracle occurs.

god, this page is perfection

‘What am I doing?’ Garou is stopped by suddenly recognising the fear on Darkshine’s face, and No one wants to see themselves as the bad guy, so this gives him pause. Before any sense of brotherly understanding can spread, two things intervene. First, something within Garou breaks, sending him doubling over in pain. Second, a psychic bubble forms around Darkshine and starts to carry him away.

at this point, I just want to give him a hug

Wait, am I not going to comment on the art? I appreciate it, but nope! There’s a thirst train two miles long over that way. That’s one chilli dip buffet that doesn’t need yet another bowl of chilli dip. :D

Meta: Nothing in the webcomic is written in stone. Thank goodness

I’ve written at tedious length on the many, many changes that exist between webcomic and manga. [Sorry not sorry, I’m going to write more.] While the big events and where things are broadly going remain the same, what even the events that aren’t changed mean and how they hit us is something that ONE has no problem changing if he feels that they serve the story better.

The biggest single change I love is that Garou gets some self-awareness. The webcomic had denied him the slightest insight into his actions until the very end, where Saitama’s pointing out the truth of his motivations came as a shock to both ourselves and to him. The manga has been much more expansive. It has both let us into his mind to allow us to see his thoughts, and has given him more to think about. This is the first time Garou sees himself not as the little guy striking a blow for righteousness, but a bully of people who can’t fight back.

Unfortunately, the processes that are at work within Garou aren’t entirely under his control: the pain he doubles over in when he shows empathy and sympathy to Darkshine is the creeping corruption of monsterisation. He may be paler and spikier than he was, but the external changes are working their way inward. Garou may still be a nice guy at heart, but in time, the heart itself will go.

he may be putting on an evil act now, but it won’t always be an act. May someone save Garou while there’s still someone to save.

Even though it’s as a result of a story-exaggerated bronzer addiction, Darkshine’s changed skin colour lands very badly on Western eyes, for good reasons we won’t go into here. But there’s more to it. Darkshine’s power echoes the webcomic’s current focus on Sweet Mask. Just like Beauto developed his Sweet Mask transformation as a way of hiding his ugliness from the world, Darkshine’s armour of muscle, super-hard skin, and the bronzer he paints on his skin so he shines are all protection from the fear and insecurity within him.

Thankfully, there isn’t the slightest bit of monster in Darkshine. He has remained the kind-hearted human being he always was. From the webcomic itself, Darkshine never looked at Garou as an enemy to be killed, but rather as a boy behaving badly, someone to be chastised and taken in hand. The manga extends this, by having Darkshine call out a warning to Garou: even in all this, he never stopped seeing Garou as a fellow human being. You need a heart of stone not to be touched by that.

The final change that I am super happy about is that instead of Tatsumaki mono-focussing on pulling up just the monsters so she can finish them all herself, this time she’s explicitly protecting and pulling up the heroes. At least, we reckon she’s pulling up the ones we know about. Whether they reach the surface with her or she has to leave them somewhere is something that remains to be seen. She’s trying, that’s the important thing. Along with her taking care to ensure that Tareo was safe before acting, even at the cost of being injured, the manga is treating Tatsumaki much better than the webcomic did. Thank fuck for that. It’s no good calling a person a hero if they don’t act like one.

I’ve been glad to see the parallel threads of the two epic battles (that between Tatsumaki and Psykos/Orochi and that between Garou and Darkshine) have come to be intertwined so neatly.

As to what’s coming next, we think we know, but I don’t think we’re emotionally ready for it! It’s bound to be both spectacular and hard-hitting.

#OPM #review #manga chapter #Garou #Darkshine #Tatsumaki #talk about hard-hitting action #I'm impressed they kept Darkshine's history the same #while adding to his character #seeing both opponents as empathetic characters is quite the feat #I do like the frission of tension that's being added as it's not clear any longer that Garou is going to be able to hang onto his humanity

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darkouter · 5 years

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anyways here’s the 11 page 1.5 spacing “short drabble” i wrote for barty and remus in grimmauld place. who knows what possessed me to do this to myself. write a short drabble, i said. it will be quick, i said. it will be fun, i said. you know. like a liar.

cw: emetophobia, blood, mentions of violence

Number 12, Grimmauld Place had been fairly peaceful that day. The Order of the Phoenix members who normally kept the place with a constant level of liveliness were busy, leaving only a few behind. For the most part, it was quiet. That is, until a certain Bartemius Crouch Jr. bustles into the home.

He doesn’t normally show his face here. No one wants him in the Black home; there is very seldom welcome in the face of his arrival. It has been years, decades, since he has felt warmth in that home. The only person that could have provided this for him has long been gone. The only echo of this past is found in the face that greets him at the doorway. Regulus’ loyal house elf, Kreacher, is a ghost of Barty’s best friend’s presence. They have a certain respect for each other, though it’s almost entirely based around their bonds to Regulus.

Kreacher can’t help but take notice of Barty’s manner of entrance. It’s abrupt, hasty, and the man appears absolutely sickly. His freckles contrast more against his skin than ever, given how pale he is when he looks at the house elf with wide eyes. He seems taken aback to be greeted, and he falters with hand pressed against the wall, leaning on it for support. Out of breath, it takes a moment for him to think.

“Master Barty?” Kreacher asks with a tentative and hoarse voice. Despite his drooping and sagging skin in his old age, he manages to convey some sense of confusion and concern in the face of Barty’s interruption.

At first, Barty can only stutter a syllable or two. He gathers himself. “Kreacher, is there.” Stare. His mouth moves silently as he tries to organize his thoughts. “Bathroom. Please.” He only receives a pointed finger in response from the house elf. Barty offers a simple nod before rushing down the hall. There are following words from Kreacher, directions, but he doesn’t quite register them. With each step further into the home, he begins to recollect the layout. Barty rarely wanders this deep into Grimmauld Place. He finds himself surprised when he correctly remembers the placement of the bathroom.

Stumbling in, he wonders how he managed to get this far. His fingers tremble so badly that he struggles to lock the door. Sweating, he can feel the acrid taste of nausea biting at his mouth. He’s so dizzy. He nearly falls over on his way to the toilet, dropping hard on his knees, and retching. It’s bile and nothing else. When did he last eat? Maybe it’s a blessing that he hasn’t. Despite the empty stomach, he heaves for far too long, as his sickened state hasn’t been caused by anything physical at all.

It’s strange how emotions alone can push someone past queasiness. Anxiety has always made him suffer, but this is something else. It isn’t completely unfamiliar to him. The last time this happened, he was hit by this feeling with such sudden force that he hadn’t had the control he’s shown now. Perhaps it was because, back then, he had maintained his external calm for a heinous amount of time.

How can someone hold onto repose like that after killing their own father?

Shock, perhaps. Necessity, perhaps. Insanity? Certainly, he has gone mad, though he can’t pinpoint when. So much has happened. Yet, there were eleven years of stagnancy; it has clearly affected him, nonetheless. With his father, he used his hands. There were years of reason to justify his actions. Anger, a grudge, and the abuse to reinforce it. What of this?

This isn’t the same. His rage is fresh and raw and insatiable. With his father, it was embers stoked and consistently fed over years, but this is a roaring flash fire fueled by gasoline. He has burned himself too, manifesting in reality by way of action and its consequences; his mottled skin on his arm now greyed, necrotic, and scarred from attempts to remove the dark mark is just one example. Then there is now, overtaken by tears and an acidic taste coating his teeth. He attempts to spit it away, but it clings to him, just a reminder that he’s dirty. Dirty. Barty yanks the chain to flush it all away. Falling back, he slumps against the wall, breathing heavily. What possessed him to come here and soil those childhood memories? To drag his rot through a house that no longer held such foul residents? They don’t deserve this contamination. This thought screams louder in his head when he looks down at his feet, seeing red.

Horror strikes his face. There must be blood in his wake, trailing down the hall from his bootsteps. He, quite literally, has tainted this place. Nothing fills him. Hollowness. He feels blank. Jarringly, he then feels punched with the full amount of what he has done, and he bursts into sobbing. His back presses into the wall behind him, feet pushing himself into it, and he curls inward, hoping that he might wither from his wild state into nonexistence. His hands grab at his hair, pulling, and maybe he can tear himself apart. To stop. Stop himself. Stop everything.

The man was unknown to him. And if Barty would have recognized him by looking harder, it would be impossible now. Killing death eaters is no longer new to him. He casts curses with hisses through his fangs, like a feral dog trying to bite anyone he can. Barty is all claws and gnashing teeth and frothing mouth. That is, except now, when he stares at the floor where he has tracked blood in. Then, he becomes what howls and cries and tries to pull out its own teeth because it’s scared of itself. Something that wishes it wasn’t rabid. Something that wishes he hadn’t stomped.

And stomped. And stomped. And stomped.

Its face was mangled when he left it. The body’s, that is. Barty thinks: it, it, it. He doesn’t want it to be a he. He doesn’t want to think that it was ever a person, but that it was always a body, because that feels easier. But that person screamed and fought because it was not an it, it was a he.

When Barty can breathe again, when new tears cease to flow, he does not know how long he has been hiding away in that bathroom. He feels exhausted. His limbs are heavy. His head aches. Barty knows that his eyes must be red and his face puffy. It takes more time before he gathers himself out of his pile on the floor, pulling himself back into a person. At the mirror, he washes his face. Rinses his mouth, then his hair too. Wonders if he can clean everything about himself. Remembering, he pulls out his wand, and he removes what he has dirtied across the floor. Remnants on his shoes. He thinks that it won’t ever really be gone, will it? History sticks to his feet.

Not knowing what to do, he stands for some time. He lingers in this place that feels liminal; he’s scared to leave it. Instead, he puts it off longer, searching for a towel to dry his face and hair. He reasons with himself that he can’t leave until there’s no sign of redness to indicate his breakdown. Following this logic, he stays, feeling like he’s doing no more than floating. Given the vomiting and weeping and subsequent blankness while standing around, it’s impossible for him to estimate how long he has been here. Evidently, enough time for someone to feel it necessary to knock at the door. The sound brings him back to his body, grounding him, and there’s a long moment where he wonders whether to answer at all. Which is silly; of course, he must.

“Barty?” He recognizes the voice to be Remus Lupin’s. “Kreacher told me you were here.”

Silence. Barty trudges to the door, taking a deep breath. Exhales. It’s tentative, but he slowly opens the door. He peers out, feeling shy and awkward and disgusting. It must show because Remus seems taken aback. Barty would not have appeared too healthy regardless of his current circumstances; lack of much eating or sleeping for the past week (or more?) has taken its toll. He has always worn sleeplessness under his eyes and rarely stayed nourished when under his own control, but it has simply worsened.

Remus hesitates. He can’t say he has felt more sympathy than resentment for Barty, but the shock of Barty’s state before him seems to have rattled his usual stance. “Can I get you something?”

Then it’s Barty’s turn to hesitate. He doesn’t like asking for things. Doesn’t like to overstay his welcome, which really means that he should never set his foot in the door. But he feels so dizzy and out of place that he cannot reasonably leave right now. Thinking of it, he wonders if he can walk very far at all because standing alone has made him feel faint. “I.” His eyes fall to Remus’ feet. Those are clean. Curious, his eyes flicker down the hall. There doesn’t seem to be anything left behind. “Could I. Get a glass of water.” He gazes back up at Remus. “If that’s okay.”

It’s off-putting. Remus is fully aware of Barty’s displeasure in remaining here. Given what he believes has been a long stay in the bathroom for Barty and the red eyes, he has many questions. He doesn’t ask. Instead, he nods politely. Barty has always earned that much from him, though entirely due to Dumbledore’s word. “Yes. You can, yes. Come along.”

Barty emerges from his place of safety, wary of his surroundings as Remus leads him to the kitchen. He’s possibly more upset when Order members show him kindness than when they do not. Remus has always afforded him that luxury, somehow. Very shallow, yes, but Remus does not glare at him with contempt the way others do. Barty does not hear venom in Remus’ tone. That seems terribly nice from Barty’s perspective. He knows Remus must be so much more close to Harry than most people that walk through these halls.

It’s all a daze, but Barty finds himself leaning against a counter as he hears glass clatter. Water running. Out of focus, it takes Remus calling Barty? for him to recognize that a cup is being offered to him. He takes it gently, and he utters a confused, quiet, and too meek thank you in his usual flavor of gratitude within this house. They are quiet. This is the extent of the kindness, Barty thinks as he drinks. The reality is that Remus is mostly just inspecting him. Remus doesn’t quite understand what he is taking witness to right now.

It’s a loud crack that yanks them from their stillness. Noisy running greets their ears along with a shrill voice. “Master Barty! Master Barty!” Barty stiffens, standing upright, and he feels his jaw clench as he stares wide eyed toward the kitchen entrance. He sets his water aside as his house elf bounds into the room, much the way he himself entered Grimmauld place earlier. “Winky is here! Winky is here for Master Barty!”

Upon seeing her, he immediately falls to his knees. He nearly plummets to the ground entirely in his weakness, stopping himself with a palm on the ground, and his other arm opens wide. As soon as she’s near, he grabs her in a hug. “Winky. What are you doing here?”

“Kreacher told Winky about Master Barty! Winky is worried, so she is coming to Master Barty to make sure he is okay!” It’s now that, looking over her shoulder, Barty sees Kreacher trailing into the kitchen. Only now does Barty realize that it must have been Kreacher who cleaned the floors of Barty’s terrible mistake. He simply hugs her tight, thankful to have her, though it must make him look worse to Remus, that Kreacher felt the need to summon Winky. It certainly has the other man curious, as Remus regards Barty with a puzzled expression. It makes little sense to him how Barty has always treated Kreacher so respectfully, and seeing Barty show such warmth toward his house elf only serves to further bewilder. “Master Barty, you is awful looking! Winky will make you dinner. Master Barty needs to eat! You is never eating, you has never eaten enough, and Winky is filled with worry for Master Barty always!”

Barty simply shakes his head, and his eyes shortly flick toward Remus before focusing on Winky while he pulls away from the hug. “N- no, Winky, I am fine. This is not — we are not home right now,” he mumbles.

“Master Barty will eat in the Black home. Master Regulus would want Master Barty to eat,” Kreacher reasons.

Remus continues to watch, befuddled by the house elves’ insistence on taking care of this man, once a death eater. Yes, house elves might remain loyal to their families regardless of how they are viewed by their masters, but these two aren’t really bound to Barty by any means. Kreacher never has been. He hasn’t complained about Barty’s traitorous intentions toward pureblood kind. Winky has been released from Barty’s care since Barty Crouch Sr. died, and this is not to mention that the man now down on his knees hugging her was the one to murder the Crouch home’s last head of house. She showed beyond no ill-will, but a true desire to take care of Barty despite his betrayal.

“I am not your master, Kreacher.” Barty sighs. “You must not call me that.” Making a scene is the last thing that he wants. Still, Kreacher hobbles over to them, looking quite stubborn with his chronic hunch and crossed arms. Winky appears just as determined. It seems that she never will be able to stop being his caretaker, as she has been for almost his entire life.

“The kitchen is mostly under Molly’s supervision,” Remus notes. He is not looking at Barty, but over to the entrance. Barty only then realizes that they have gathered an audience of one, with Mrs. Weasley eyeing them with an equally bemused stare. Her brows are furrowed, as she has never quite been able to hide her dislike, choosing what one might call aggressive passive-aggression. She stares at him hard.

Having weighed her decision carefully, it seems he has made claim to some amount of sympathy from her. Barty is completely certain that he must be in pathetic condition when she announces it. “You can have dinner here. Be sure to eat at the dining room table.” After the curt acceptance, she abruptly turns and leaves.

It’s a bit late, but Barty sputters a “thank you.”

From the other room, he hears: “You’re welcome, dear.”

Molly Weasley terrifies him more than anyone else here, he thinks.

Given the permission, the house elves begin zooming around the kitchen. “Kreacher will make tea for Barty. The werewolf can take Barty to the dining room.”

Remus seems to go rigid. His secret, once again, is taken from him. He shouldn’t be surprised by now, but it particularly goes down sour to have it announced to Barty. Worse yet is the dumb-founded look spread across his face. Remus’ arms cross, feeling defensive. Barty composes himself.

“Kreacher, that is.” He reaches upward, rubbing his forehead. He still has a headache. “Well beyond rude. You shouldn’t say things like that.”

“Kreacher thought that Barty was not his master,” replies the house elf haughtily.

Barty furrows his brows, now pushing himself up with hands on his knees. “I doubt Regulus would care for you to conduct yourself with such ill-form. Remus is, after all, a guest in the Black home. You reflect poorly upon them.”

The house elf doesn’t spare him a glance. “That is up for Kreacher to decide.”

Now standing, Barty sighs. The most he can do is offer Remus an apologetic expression. What he receives back is a perturbed face. It manages to soften. “You tried,” Remus acknowledges, and he beckons Barty to follow him to the dining room.

While most of the home was still in disrepair, much less grand than when Barty was a boy, the kitchen and dining room are far more presentable. He supposes this must be due to Molly’s frequent use of the kitchen and the dining room serving as a place of conference for the Order. It no longer feels as intimidating to him as when he was a boy. He and Regulus were so small. Remus gestures to the long table for him to sit, and Barty does with a nod in thanks. Then exiting, Barty is alone.

It’s hard to sit in this place. The nostalgia isn’t pleasant like most would feel when encountering a place with fond memories. It’s painful. Oppressive, even. It only makes him think of what he misses. Nothing was ever perfect for him, but coming to the Black family house was a reprieve from a hostile home life. Two boys horsing around. He remembers hiding under this table when playing hide and seek. Regulus grabbed him by the ankle and pulled him out as they screamed with laughter. Now this place contains meetings with the goal of stopping people like who they became. Barty wonders if Regulus would feel just as out of place as Barty does now. Then again, Barty always feels like Regulus had a sense of self that he never had or ever will have. Confidence. Enough to emotionally reclaim what was his. He likely could have walked right in without this anxiety. Barty wishes he would. Wishes Regulus would run in, grab him by the arm, and lead him to his room, and he would show Barty all of his obnoxious knick-knacks, and Barty would be delighted. Yes, Barty wishes that. He has wanted to see that room ever since he first revisited Grimmauld Place, but he never dared. He isn’t sure he ever will find it in him to. Even if someone invites him.

For the umpteenth time that night, he finds himself being dragged back to reality. This time it’s with the arrival of Winky and Kreacher with his promised meal. It’s vaguely upsetting to see them serve him, though there is something comforting about it. While Kreacher chooses to leave, Barty requests Winky stay, and she sits in his lap with one of his arms wrapped around her. This is another depressing form of nostalgia, as the last time he had the pleasure of dining with her like this was while he lived in the Crouch mansion, enslaved by the Imperius curse. It still brings him happiness to have her here. He wouldn’t have it any other way. He misses her dearly.

They still don’t get it, Remus and Molly. Unable to simply leave Barty be, they peer into the dining room periodically before stepping aside to talk about it. Stranger and stranger he seems to them. “Do you think he’s really so fond of her?” Molly asks after a suspicious peek at the guest.

“I don’t know.” Remus keeps his gaze pointed towards his hands, rubbing a thumb against his palm. It’s all interesting. “You know, I never could understand how he became a death eater. I knew him while at Hogwarts. We were both prefects, so he would come to me sometimes.” He chuckles with slight disbelief. “He was… Talkative. He always said he didn’t like death eaters, and a few of the kids he ran around with were muggleborn. It never added up to me.”

“I didn’t know him, but the way Minerva described him when they caught him — he sounded evil.” She never asked Harry about that night since, though she desperately wanted to know more. Dumbledore warned them all about talking to him about it. “Absolutely vile. Mad. But we’re supposed to accept him now? I just don’t understand it.”

Remus nods. “I never saw him like that; haven’t seen him at all since school. I almost didn’t believe he could be a death eater, and I still wasn’t entirely sure after the trial. But after Lily and James… Well, anything seemed possible.” His face fell, incapable of not becoming somber at the memory of the Potters and Sirius and Peter. That night made it so hard for him to trust anyone again. “But that man in there seems more like the boy I knew than anything anyone has said about who he is supposed to be now. Dumbledore knows something we don’t.”

“I wish he would explain more.” And that, they could both agree on.

Remus took it upon himself to try and understand. Curiosity had won against his reservations about Barty, so he grabbed himself a cup of tea before entering the dining room. He finds it less reasonable to hold onto his anger after Harry expressed to him that he found Barty to be pitiful and disappointing rather than someone to be hated. Perhaps Dumbledore had explained to Harry why this man started visiting them. Remus doesn’t exactly know if Harry forgave Barty, though either way wouldn’t surprise him. Harry has gone through so much because of this man, but the boy has always been so full of a desire to seek out the goodness in people. He isn’t unlike Dumbledore in that respect, Remus thinks. Whether Barty deserves that kindness has yet to be seen.

Barty never expected the company, so his eyes widen from his corner at the very end of the table. Winky, too, blinks her large eyes at Remus as he sits down across from Barty. A pause falls between them as Barty expects Remus to make some comment. When he doesn’t, Barty becomes quite sheepish, and he returns to his soup so that he isn’t expected to fill the silence either. The only sounds between them are the soft clacks of silverware and sipping.

Finally, unable to remain silent, Barty speaks: “I — well. Thank you. For both of you.” He paws at his soup with his spoon. “Letting me be here, that is.” If Sirius had been the one to find him, he certainly would not be sitting at this table.

“Why did you do it?”

Barty’s eyes raise from his food, astonished by the question. It seems so abrupt from Remus, of all people. The accompanying intense stare, also unusual, only exacerbates this feeling. It takes him a moment to entirely wrap his head around what Remus is asking. It’s such an all-encompassing thing to inquire; there’s too much to be said, and he isn’t sure what Remus wants to hear. Barty’s eyebrows knit together. “That is… Rather complex. There is a lot to say.”

“I have the time,” Remus encourages.

It isn’t that Barty doesn’t want to explain. In fact, he yearns for it. He wants people to understand. Maybe they will still hate him by the end of his story, but he just wants them to listen. However, he hasn’t even begun, and it feels like it may end up too overwhelming to repeat it in its entirety the same way he did to Dumbledore. Barty’s eyes fall on Winky. He isn’t sure either that he could start with her in the room. “Winky. Do you think you could check on Kreacher? See if he needs help with anything.”

He and Remus know fully well that Kreacher isn’t doing any work anyways. Perhaps Winky around might facilitate some change in that area. Barty just wants her to go for now. She seems crestfallen at the request, but she slides off his lap. “Winky does what Master Barty asks.” As she walks away, Barty takes the chance to try and finish his soup to fill in the time before she exits.

Then setting it down, he sighs at the bowl, fingertips tapping away at it. What to say. Where to begin. “How much do you want to know?”

Remus considers. “Everything,” he decides.

The expression Barty gives him betrays that he feared Remus would say that. “Alright. It just. I do not know how long it will take to tell you.”

Remus nods, now also looking down at Barty’s bowl. “If not tonight, you can finish tomorrow night. Or whenever you next have a chance.” Barty tilts his head at Remus. Remus continues, “Something tells me you could do with more meals here.”

Barty’s stare is long. Bewildered, to say the least. He never expected the offer. Frankly, it doesn’t make sense to him. Doesn’t seem reasonable. There isn’t a reason to want Barty here, want his explanations. Even from Dumbledore, he can’t understand the kindness he was given by being able to share, nor the later acceptance. To think Remus would give him the same privilege is an alien concept. But he nods.

“If you wouldn’t mind,” Remus adds.

“Yes. Of course, yes. I can tell you everything.”

#| OOC: HEY GHOULS!#how do i tag this lmao #| C: BARTEMIUS CROUCH JR.#| C: REMUS LUPIN.#DRABBLE.#idk man !

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mzhong2014 · 5 years

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Weekly reading digest (7/28-8/3)

A break to remember: Stanford faculty reminisce about their college summers:

Reading about the faculty members whom I admire so much, this was a humanizing post that reminded me that everyone has struggled through the routine and impossible just like you have. My favorite quote from Ambassador Eikenberry about his summer learning how to jump out of an aircraft while at the US Army Airborne School. Ambassador Eikenberry is the embodiment of poise, humbleness, and courage, so I particularly enjoyed reading his blurb:

“As the aircraft rumbled toward the drop zone, one of the cadre, a very seasoned sergeant, gets in front of me, grabs my two shoulder straps, looks me in the face and because of the deafening engine noise, shouted at me: ‘Airborne,’– which is how all students are addressed – ‘are you nervous?’

And although I was nervous, I gave the answer I thought he wanted to hear.

‘No, Sergeant,’ I said. ‘I’m not nervous.’

The sergeant looked at me and very calmly said: ‘Airborne, I want you to be nervous. This is your first jump.’

I’ll never forget that expression on his face and his sincerity.

‘Every time you jump out of an airplane in the future, I want you to be nervous,’ the sergeant said to me. ‘Because when you are nervous, you are thinking hard about the challenge you are facing. In your mind, you are going through all the training you had – what is the next thing to do and what to do should something go wrong.’

And then he said: ‘What I don’t want you to do is be afraid. Be nervous, but don’t be afraid. If you let your fears control you, then you are going to make a mistake.’”

To be great, you must first be vulnerable.

The Brethren: Inside the Supreme Court

I started listening to this on audiobook when I spontaneously decided to drive to San Diego at 10;30 pm on a Saturday night and back Sunday afternoon (totaling 5 hours of driving).

The Brethren is written by Bob Woodward, yes, one of the reporters of the Wategate Scandal. Earlier this year, I grabbed coffee with a litigator in an effort to shed light on the mysterious question of what does it mean to be a lawyer. He recommended this book to help elucidate this question, and only 30 minutes into the audiobook, I understood why. It is perhaps the most intimate account of the prestigious Supreme Court, uncovering the day-to-day scenes hidden behind the white marble columns and impressive wooden bench. In contrast to my other readings that cover the intellectual origins of the judiciary branch, The Brethren shows how the justice system works in a very raw and real-life manner. Spanning 1969-1975 during Burger’s early years as Chief Justice, it shows exactly how politics mixes with the supposedly nonpartisan judiciary system, the nitty-gritty of how varying legal philosophies translate to vastly diverse approaches towards handling legal issues (especially during a very contentious period with the civil rights movement), as well as how the different personalities impacted the very tactical routines of the Supreme Court.

No specific quotes because, unfortunately, I do not have the auditory version of photographic memory, but initial reactions:

I was surprised by how the Justice’s different opinions extended beyond the question of whether something was constitutional, but also the question of how do policymakers tactically carry out a Supreme Court decision. For example, the first few chapters focused on the decision around how to issue a court order regarding Brown v Board of Education as Southern states dug their heels in to prolong the delay of integration of schools. Because of the vague phrasing used in the ruling opinion, “with all deliberate speed,” lawyers were using this language to justify these 15-year delays. The court order had to achieve and balance a number of objectives: avoid appearing submissive to the delay and admonish any attempts to prevent integration while balancing the practical concerns for allowing time to let schools create and implement a sound plan for integration to minimize the chaos / violence during this time. But should these practical considerations be up to the judiciary branch to decide?

As a junior consultant, it was interesting to see how exactly the Justices manage their clerks and how each Justice’s personality dictated their working norms -- shows how collegial the Court is but also how political it can be

It was also interesting to see the different philosophies that the Justices had towards being a judge. To grossly generalize, the Justices had very different opinions on the degree to which they cared about being legally rigorous in their opinions versus arriving at some legal conclusion with considerable political and social implications

The Brothers Karamazov: Ivan’s Rebellion

One of the most famous passages in The Brother’s Karamazov is Ivan’s rebellion, where he rejects God of his justice system. The dialogue occurs between Ivan, the intellectual of his three brothers, and Alyosha, the most spiritually pure of the three. Ivan focuses his argument on the suffering of children to illustrate the injustice of God.

“I won't speak of grown-up people is that, besides being disgusting and unworthy of love, they have a compensation—they've eaten the apple and know good and evil, and they have become 'like gods.' They go on eating it still. But the children haven't eaten anything, and are so far innocent.”

Ivan proceeds to provide anecdotes that he has collected of children suffering – which are based on true stories that Dostoevsky collected from the newspaper. Ivan recounts tales of how the Turks cut open “the unborn child from the mother’s womb,” skewering babies with their bayonets in glee. He tells another story of a five-year old girl beaten to pulp by her parents, her mouth smeared with excrement, left to sleep in the cold frost of an outhouse. With relentless momentum, Ivan recounts his last story about a serf-boy who throws a stone at a kennel of hounds, and hurts the paw of a general’s dog. The child is summoned to the general and stripped naked.

“He shivers, numb with terror, not daring to cry… 'Make him run,' commands the general. 'Run! run!' shout the dog-boys. The boy runs…'At him!' yells the general, and he sets the whole pack of hounds on the child. The hounds catch him, and tear him to pieces before his mother's eyes!”

The Bible reasons that all, including children, must suffer for man’s sin. Even the most innocent, children, “must suffer for their fathers' sins, they must be punished for their fathers, who have eaten the apple.” These damned children, Ivan continues, some may twistedly suggest that “the child would have grown up and have sinned, but you see he didn't grow up, he was torn to pieces by the dogs, at eight years old.”

Ivan concludes that he cannot accept God if his justice requires children to suffer for an “eternal harmony.”

“I must have justice, or I will destroy myself. And not justice in some remote infinite time and space, but here on earth, and that I could see myself. I have believed in it. I want to see it, and if I am dead by then, let me rise again, for if it all happens without me, it will be too unfair. Surely I haven't suffered simply that I, my crimes and my sufferings, may manure the soil of the future harmony for somebody else. I want to see with my own eyes the hind lie down with the lion and the victim rise up and embrace his murderer. I want to be there when everyone suddenly understands what it has all been for. All the religions of the world are built on this longing, and I am a believer. But then there are the children, and what am I to do about them? That's a question I can't answer.

[…]

While there is still time, I hasten to protect myself, and so I renounce the higher harmony altogether. It's not worth the tears of that one tortured child who beat itself on the breast with its little fist and prayed in its stinking outhouse, with its unexpiated tears to 'dear, kind God'! It's not worth it, because those tears are unatoned for. They must be atoned for, or there can be no harmony. But how? How are you going to atone for them? Is it possible? By their being avenged? But what do I care for avenging them? What do I care for a hell for oppressors? What good can hell do, since those children have already been tortured? And what becomes of harmony, if there is hell? I want to forgive. I want to embrace. I don't want more suffering. And if the sufferings of children go to swell the sum of sufferings which was necessary to pay for truth, then I protest that the truth is not worth such a price.”

And that is the crux of the passage – the prospect of an eternal harmony is not worth the suffering of the innocent to repent for the Sin of Man.

In face of our inability to find the meaning of seemingly meaningless suffering in the empirical and physical world, we are faced with two options: 1) consult the transcendental for truths that lie outside of our physical world or 2) turn inwards to provide meaning ourselves. Both are fairly unsatisfactory frameworks, in my opinion. An argument against the first is well illustrated above, and there is little that I can add of intellectual value to Dostoevsky’s work.

As for the second point, everyone tells you during intense moments of suffering that you will always learn something in hindsight -- in an attempt to imbue seemingly meaningless suffering with meaning. After all, the human mind cannot fathom the possibility of meaningless suffering -- that all of this pain is for nothing; that there is no such thing as karma or justness in the world. This seems equally absurd because why does learning have to require so much suffering? Are humans just too dumb to learn from happy experiences?

For the meantime, I’m not sure what exactly sure why there is so much suffering in life and whether it is justified by some external or internal truths. For now, all that I know is that a lot of terrible things in life happen, and all that humans can do is simply react to them.

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sol1056 · 6 years

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This is a writing question, and you always have good insight. I struggle with writing fight scenes and have read through some of the posts you have reblogged on the subject. As an exercise I'm curious, how would you write the VLD S6/E5 Black Paladins/Winter Soldier fight sequence as a narrative? There's so much action and movement, and the setting is so complicated. Or maybe the answer is you don't? There's a limit to transforming visual media into prose? But probably I'm just unskilled. : /

There are certainly things that are easier to do with visual, but it’s also a rather stifling medium, too. In visual media, you’re controlling everything. If you try to do that on the page, you’re going to fail, especially if you have this idea you should be able to quiz readers after, and know they all agree immediately on the setting, the events, the characters. And truth is… they won’t. They never will.

So, throw those details over your shoulder, let the reader’s own imagination fill in a lot of the blanks, and carry on into the fight.

Because here’s the other thing: in visual media, viewer is observer, separated by that fourth wall. In textual media, the reader is the character. In the character’s head, with the immediacy of emotions and physical sensation. That’s where the powerful stuff happens – in the five senses + the heart – not in the technical details of who parried and punched.

In this post, I’ll break the entire fight scene into its parts, using this edit as a guide for an unbroken version. This is even longer than usual since I did go ahead and write a few segments examples of how I might tackle some parts.

In the next post I’ll talk about how the internal decision points built on each other, each one leading to Keith’s final decision, at the end of the scene.

I don’t know if you’ve ever been in a fight, but even when you’re strong enough to hold your own… there’s something just overwhelming about emotion. If the average fight scene means the character’s dealing with someone who wants to hurt them, maybe even wants them dead, that’s one thing. Fights like VLD:BP or CA:WS are on another level: your opponent wants to kill you. Erase you, destroy you. Personal is one thing. Personal from someone you once thought close? There is little more brutally devastating than that.

If you have to cut back on a fight’s length, cut down on the technical particulars. But do not skimp on the emotional, because without that, the fight won’t hurt. In any other fight, the character’s pain is the cost of victory. In a personal fight, the character’s victory is the source of emotional pain. No one’s gonna truly win this one.

The other thing to remember about a fight is that it’s a scene like any other.

goal

conflict

disaster

reaction

dilemma

decision (new goal)

Same structure, with a twist. For truly intense scenes, cycle through spiraling inward until you get to the innermost heart of the conflict. You want a progression towards the final decision: goal, conflict, reaction, decision, next stage of conflict. It’s the emotional counterpoint of “I punched, you blocked, you knocked me down, I swept your legs out from under you.” Over and over, action and reaction.

Alright, let’s break down the VLD fight. I’ve included the onscreen length for each section, to give you a concrete sense of the pacing.

intro: 44 seconds

First, we get a long intro as Keith follows Shiro’s tracks. This gives us a rough idea of his environment, and like the visuals, the text should stay pretty tight on what’s immediately around Keith. It’s also working up to the first emotional punch of the scene: realizing where he is (all the clones in their little purple cylinders). That emotional reaction sets the tone, putting Keith on his back foot before Shiro’s even appeared.

first cycle: 42 seconds

Keith states his goal right up front: that he wants it to be okay, and they’ll leave together. Shiro refuses, ergo conflict. Keith’s half of this stage is pure defense, including using his shield. His POV would be trying to dodge Shiro’s blows, get his feet under him, evade. It matches what he’s trying to do emotionally at this point, which is to de-escalate. When Keith is forced backwards, it’s a physical representation of how he’s losing ground in this first iteration of the conflict.

Keith is forced to draw his sword at this point, but he’s using it only to parry. He’s still on this first conflict of go-vs-not-go. Shiro’s punch becomes the disaster; Shiro’s position has overpowered Keith’s. When Keith is thrown right off the platform, it’s making the metaphor literal of Keith’s reaction – losing his footing, foundation, certainty.

His reaction is maybe a heartbeat – really short, concrete but simple, sentences here, to relay a lot of information fast. As Shiro follows, we enter the dilemma stage – Shiro’s not giving way. Keith’s now got only a few choices: he can let himself get killed, or he can somehow escape and leave Shiro, but getting them both out is looking less likely by the second.

second cycle: 36 seconds

When Shiro throws Keith down the stairs and Keith draws his sword again, that’s another decision point, which is simultaneously Keith’s new goal. My guess is that Keith has re-affirmed that third choice (get both out safely) but he’s changing tactics. He’s no longer pure defense; he’s holding his own, but he’s not truly on the offense, either.

It’s still a losing argument for Keith, illustrated by how Shiro keeps shoving him back. There’s no need for dialogue, at this point. The fight itself is a metaphor for the emotional conflict: it’s no longer only ‘get Shiro out of here’ but ‘keep Shiro from killing me and get him out of here’ – and Keith is losing ground on that, now, too.

This is where the damage adds to the metaphor. That’s not just a punch, that’s a move that pins Keith for a second, long enough for Shiro to tear away at Keith’s defenses (the helmet). Shiro goes full-body contact at that point, throwing them both off the platform. Again, Shiro’s unmoving as the obstacle, and that fall is the outcome.

Here’s the point where visual media leaves it to us to fill in the blanks, but text lets you see flickers of Keith’s mental processes. His reaction (to the off-the-platform disaster in the cycle) is to grab the wire, and again, dilemma of whether to keep defending, run, or attack.

third cycle: 29 seconds

That’s why the camera follows Shiro, to create the surprise of Keith’s decision point. (This kind of rapid but seamless POV shift – and then back again – is one thing that’s much harder to do in text.) This is the first point in the fight where Keith’s not just fighting back, he’s outright attacking.

Keith’s actions show his emotions (in text version); his goal has gone from ‘de-escalate’ to more like ‘if I have to beat his head in and drag him out of here so help me I will’. Visually, we get flickers of Keith being Galra/animalistic, which in text I’d show by making the narration be Keith’s own internal orders, possibly down to one- or two-word sentences. Keith’s on the verge of achieving this goal when he backs Shiro up, to the point of pinning Shiro down.

Turning the narration into a telegraphic choppiness conveys Keith’s no longer thinking, only acting/attacking. He’s non-verbal, so Shiro’s counterattack is verbal, instead: “That’s the Keith I remember.” (I’ll come back in a bit to why this line is important.) That breaks the stalemate and now Keith’s on the defensive again.

fourth cycle: 27 seconds

At this point, Keith’s defended and lost, he’s attacked, and lost. His reaction to having the support beams cut away a split-second after he moves is to recognize that dilemma (he can neither beat Shiro, nor let himself be beaten). When he starts talking, that signals his new goal: talk Shiro down.

This is the mid-point breather. This is where Keith can see a little more of what’s around him. But his dialogue also follows directly from Shiro’s last line; since Shiro brought up remembering Keith, Keith wants to get Shiro to remember even more (and come ‘back’ that way). Keith states his next objective: he’s not leaving without Shiro. His goal is narrowing down to a finer point each time.

Shiro’s half of the conflict – “neither of us are leaving” – is followed by this section’s disaster: the station’s power overloading, a signal it’s about to blow.

interlude/exposition: 16 seconds

It might seem odd to have this pocket in the middle, where the camera pulls away to show the bigger picture of the station. In text, it’d be about a paragraph, maybe two, and it’s a chance for the reader to breathe. This is the last chance for enough description of what’s around. This is where you’d pull back enough for the character to realize they’re hanging out over a steep drop, or the train’s coming down the track, or some other external threat that raises the stakes even higher.

It’s also where Shiro has some kind of power backlash, and we get Keith’s reaction – that despite everything, he still calls out Shiro’s name. With that, we’re back into this mini-scene in the fight.

fifth cycle: 88 seconds

This is where the pacing gets really truncated, because the conflict’s at a stalemate. Shiro’s not going along, full stop. Now the only conflict that remains is the dilemma created by Keith’s reaction – that is, that he still sees Shiro as Shiro, yet saving Shiro has become secondary to not getting killed by Shiro.

This emotional dilemma is represented by the next set of maneuvers. Keith is going through reaction-dilemma-decision at split-second timing, and each one ends in literal disaster. In text, Keith’s internal dialogue would be narrowed down to perhaps a short choice/order, with immediate outcome. Ahhh, something like:

Keith landed hard on his knees, gasping as he scrambled to his feet. The ramp ended up ahead. Stairs led up. Away. He ran for it.

The ramp’s supports exploded, sliced apart by the white-purple beam. The ramp tilted, dropping out from under Keith. He slid, grabbing frantically, unable to get purchase. The metal had sheared up at the end, creating a small ledge. Keith landed on it, hard, and the ramp shuddered under him.

Far above, Shiro took aim and fired again.

The platform swayed, metal groaning. Canisters tumbled down.

Keith leapt out into the air, arms flailing. Another platform lay below, at a diagonal. His jetpacks fired, sparked, and went out. He could see the arc of his fall. He wasn’t going to make it.

Keith lunged, stretching. His fingers caught the platform’s edge, jolting his body violently. Agony lanced through him and Keith screamed, suspended over an endless drop.

The metal cut into his gloves, scoring his palms. Keith kicked his legs, once, and hauled himself upwards. He squinted, pain blurring his vision. His sword waited about twenty feet away.

Keith rolled over, pushing himself up onto his elbows.

(Go easy on me, it was a long day and I can’t do fight scenes impromptu very well.)

If you look at the duration of each section, the parts were getting shorter and shorter – until this last one. It consists entirely of Keith dodging, fleeing, running. He’s not fighting back anymore, he’s just trying to survive.

Think about the pacing. If every second visually is about 10 words of text, then the introductory exposition was about a page and a quarter of a paperback book. The first section was roughly the same. The third, a page. The fourth, about three-quarters of a page. That interlude to show the wider destruction was a half-page at most.

And the readers would need that breather, because it’s followed by two and a half pages of Keith basically at a dead run. By the time Keith collapses onto the platform, this works, because the reader would be just as out of breath.

sixth cycle: 45 seconds

In this new stage, Shiro absolutely has the upper hand. His goal (as shown by his actions) is on the verge of winning; Keith’s last-minute reaction of self-defense is Keith’s turn to be the obstacle. The energy-sword against the Marmora blade is the physical counterpart to the emotional weight of that exchange: Keith trying to reach Shiro, Shiro telling Keith to let go.

The key in this part is the tension. The sentences would get slightly longer; keep the focus extremely tight, but incorporate all the senses. Everything is else is stripped away, narrowed down to only the essential – but those extra details prolong the tension. It’s sort of the textual version of that one big punch in visual media getting taken down to slow-motion. It’s not just bringing everything into sharp focus; it also makes the outcome feel like an inevitability.

Keith’s final decisive act, if you wanted to be extra-dramatic, would get its own line. There’s nothing wrong with letting white space around the words double the strength of the words. (Note also that this is where the overly flashy foreshadowing of Keith’s ambidextrous use of the black bayard back in S3 finally gets a payoff; we don’t need to see anything but the bayard extend into a sword and we can figure out the rest.)

uhhhh maybe something like:

The agony cut into his jaw, skin sizzling as Shiro pushed the edge closer. Keith howled, twisting his head away. Sweat dripped into his eyes, nostrils full with the reek of burning flesh. Shiro’s full weight bore down on him, energy-blade sparking against Keith’s sword. Keith tasted blood, braced himself, and called forth the black bayard.

It snapped into life and Keith swung.

One stroke upwards, slicing through Shiro’s upper arm. Enough to throw Shiro off-balance and backwards. Keith climbed to his feet, bayard in one hand, sword in the other.

Where the previous section was a reaction-decision-reaction cycle, this section gives the conflict, and uses Keith’s actions to demonstrate his reaction, dilemma, and decision, all in one movement. That visual of Keith standing – or, in text, the last line above – implies Keith’s final act, wrapped up in a decision. He will strike back, but it will not be lethal.

Like the other decision points in this scene, there’s a close-up of Keith’s face, of about 6 seconds (or a paragraph). In a way, this is Keith’s own reaction to the disaster he just delivered. In text, this moment would depend on the characterization. Either they’d acknowledge what they’ve done, or they’d simply observe; in the latter, you’d need to find words whose connotations reflect the character’s state of mind.

seventh cycle: 120+ seconds

The sixth cycle ends the conflict between Keith and Shiro. Now the conflict turns external: human-vs-environment. The big-picture view of the station collapsing is almost thirty seconds (little over three-quarters of a page), and it’s both a breather (Shiro is defeated) and a huge escalation of the stakes (everything is on the verge of coming down). The question is whether Keith can get himself and an unconscious Shiro to safety. The failing station has won the conflict of ‘how to get out of here’, and the outcome is: ‘you aren’t’.

Here, in text, I would do a kind of blurred jump-cut that echoes what you get in visual media. Short, incomplete sentences – no more than a paragraph’s worth – that don’t resolve into a visual until the white space.

The central control unit smashed into the suspension wires. The circular platform under Keith’s feet pitched up with a metallic shudder.

Keith fell, catching Shiro’s wrist. A quick thrust of his blade into the platform, anchoring them. Metal groaned, a guywire snapped. The platform tipped onto its side. Keith clung to the knife’s hilt, grip tight on Shiro’s wrist.

They hung, suspended over the lower atmosphere.

The Marmora blade sliced the metal sheeting. They slid another foot and stopped. Above, the station’s collapsing sections crashed together and exploded. Nothing below them except the planet’s waiting surface, too far down.

Another dilemma; we get a test of each option. They can’t stay there, and Keith’s attempt to pull Shiro upwards only forces them to slide down further. If Keith were alone – if he let go of Shiro – he probably could pull himself up, and somehow maneuver through the falling wreckage to safety. (We’ve seen him do it in S4E1, when the rigged ship exploded.) When his knife starts to give way, it’s escalating the stakes, because holding onto Shiro will drag Keith down.

That’s Keith’s final dilemma: he cannot save both Shiro and himself.

As the most important dilemma of this entire multi-section scene, it gets more time than any other, almost 30 seconds (another three or four paragraphs). I’d take my time with this section, because the more Keith struggles against his final decision, the more power the final moment will have: at least a page and a half, maybe a bit more. (And with consistent reminders of what’s above and below, to keep the stakes high.)

That’s when we get the flashback. In text, I’d do it as Keith’s internal narration to remind Shiro, and himself, how they met. The nuance I’d be trying to achieve is that at the very ending, Keith thinks back to the beginning.

It doesn’t need to be a great deal, only a sentence for each snapshot image; a paragraph at most. Maybe a series of single incomplete lines. The key is layering emotions on these descriptions, which in text do the work that visual media does with a close-up on Keith’s eyes halfway through the series of images.

We then get the last pieces of the station giving way; Keith and Shiro free-fall together. But Keith still hasn’t made a choice, and that decision is what’s required for him to move forward. Emotionally, he’s still at the point of dilemma.

There’s a moment when he sees Shiro’s face and he looks startled; that’s the emotional pivot that text would need to call out, because that’s when Keith closes his eyes and intentionally remembers. Let the reader do the work of realizing what’s going on here. I’m not sure this example really gets it, but it’s enough that I hope you get the idea.

Keith’s hair whipped in his face, obscuring his vision, but he wouldn’t let go. They fell, arcing downwards and out of the satellite’s shadow. The nearby white dwarf cast silver-white beams, sweeping up Shiro’s upturned face. The light reached Keith, blinding him. Unbidden, another memory came.

Keith closed his eyes, remembering.

Another schoolyard fight, cooling his heels again outside the commander’s office. Shiro’s footsteps approach. Keith braces for the sting of Shiro’s disapproval.

“Look, I know I messed up.” No point fighting it. “Just send me back to the home already. This place isn’t for me.”

“Keith,” Shiro says, gentle, firm. “You can do this. I will never give up on you.”

The thin air whistled past Keith’s ears. His lungs ached, starved of oxygen. And still Shiro’s voice reverberated across the years, as loud as a heartbeat.

More importantly, you can’t give up on yourself.

Keith opened his eyes.

Don’t just end the scene there; end the chapter. This last bit would probably get a lot of revision to get it just right, but this would be my aim: let the turning of the page give space for the reader to interpret for themselves Keith’s final decision.

The only unambiguous fact is that Keith’s decided with his eyes open.

next post: digging into what really got decided in this fight.

#writing #writing fights #black paladins #vld #voltron #meta

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astrogrlz · 7 years

Text

Jungkook Natal Analysis

Major Planetary Analysis

Again, we are unsure of Jungkook’s exact birth time so therefore; calculating rising and midheaven are not possible. If I did have to guess, I would assume Jungkook is a leo rising based on physical appearance. So, Jungkook is a Virgo Sun + Leo Moon. Virgo suns are typically noted for being well put together, having a strong need for organization + cleanliness because they are ruled by Mercury, a planet of communication and planning. Unlike geminis, virgos are more internalized and so, they are not the ones most open to engage in conversation but they do have great analytical skills, fierce judgement capability that they are able to maneuver through personal problems or drama. However, virgos struggle with pressure. See, capricorn suns are very used to this pressure, taurus tends to avoid it, but virgos struggle working with it. They have a little voice in their head constantly telling them to do better and so, this is where that perfectionist archetype comes in. A lot of virgo suns are not shy from entertainment jobs bc this voice trains them to be the best at their craft (i.e. Beyonce and Michael Jackson, to name a few). Now, his leo moon suggests emotion wise, he can exaggerate because leos are an external sign so they are not ones to resort to isolation or keep these feelings hidden. In fact, these emotions downpour. Leo moons typically act out when they are not receiving the comfort and love that they think they deserve, particularly if they are not getting attention or reciprocated. The moon also can deal with creativity so leo moons are very creative, usually has a lot of creative passion, and being a fire sign they are able to drive ideas into action. He has a Virgo Mercury which, like I stated before, Virgo is ruled by mercury so he has a good judgement set, he also needs things organized when he plans, he may be on time to where he needs to be. HOWEVER, his mercury is retrograde. Retrogrades in astrology pertains to the energies of the planet being turned inward, causing dysfunctions and awkwardness in manifesting. He may have an acute thinking process, quirky humor, planning could be disruptive. He has a Libra Venus so he can be very romantic, flirtatious and exude well crafted charm. Venus rules Libra so there is an attractability as well as the need to be peaceful. This is also a placement of idealizing romance, so he may have a clear idea of what kind of romance he has to the point where he gets sucked into it. Venus is exalted in Pisces so there is a fantasy element attached to Venus. He may struggle knowing when to leave a relationship because he may try to make the relationship fit his fantasy at all costs. In terms of interests, they are into high value, luxury, and so on. His Scorpio Mars, makes him quite the dominant, he loves to embrace all taboos. Scorpio mars men know how to work a person’s body because again, Scorpio rules the genitals so they are able to make you orgasm quite marvelously. Scorpio Mars may want power through sex, they may also be into sadism because the sexual energy here is quite dark and compact. Scorpio mars are not outwardly aggressive like an Aries Mars, but they will retaliate once they have been pushed to the edge or have ran out of options; therefore, they have no choice but to aggress. His mars is also in the 11th degree so he is very sexually charged, the powers here are quite enticing it and the beautiful thing is that he appears to be a good boy and reserved but in the bedroom, its a completely different story. Now, I noticed Jk has a lot of retrogrades, again this could cause dysfunctions to how these energies are expressed. His jupiter retrograde allows this so-called growth to take place internally. He may procrastinate frequently, plan and re-plan. They usually have to seek their own higher truth. He is a high spirited individual so he does not work well directly following the footsteps of other people. Saturn Retrogrades typically are incarnations; therefore, it is though they have a second chance to redo life. He signifies an old soul who has advanced far in the life path. Saturn is a harsh planet so it typically flows nicely in the retrograde position.

Aspects

Sun Conjunction Mercury signifies a person of self knowledge with very strong opinions. He knows the importance of knowledge but can be very elitist, especially with sun conjunction mercury, these people often struggle seeing the viewpoint of another person.

Moon Square Pluto signifies buried feelings and an intense emotional life. These people live for crises because that’s how they function--through intensity. They are also unconsciously elected to carry and heal wounds so there is a bruised undercurrent to the individual. He may, in fact, attract tragedy wherever he goes. He may tend to crash through and invade other people’s feelings or, in some cases, be very frightened of doing so. His motives are often concerned with establishing an intense emotional connection but he may do it with slight suspicion.

Mercury Square Pluto seeks power through language. It is a placement of where words can kill. These people are highly investigative; they creep deep into people’s business to find some sense of information that further their power. Because this is a harsh aspect, he may always be filled with suspicion, suspecting the worse of others.

Sun Square Pluto shows an importance of the self. He illuminates power and may even be obsessed with self image + identity. There could be an introverted and defensive side as well. He may fear when his identity is under threat.

Venus Square Saturn shows a serious glance at romance. They often deny affection and if they are immersed into romance their instinct is to control it. When receiving compliments, they have a hard time accepting them, usually adding a snide remark. This could be a placement that could indicate a lack of nurturing in childhood. He may believe, though not always consciously, that it is others that dont care about him and therefore, he wont care about them. It may take him a while to understand and learn about giving and receiving. He may even attempt to make himself indispensable to his loved ones--willing to give his time and money to them. When you know he cares it is through the time and warmth he gives to someone.

#jeon jungkook #bts #jungkook #bangtan boys #beyond the scene #analysis #natal analysis

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wizard-jeapoardy · 4 years

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3/29/20 Tarot Reading

The Fool card appears in a reading, it symbolizes beginnings, innocence, spontaneity, a free spirit. Even though you don’t know exactly where you are going, you are being called to commit yourself and follow your heart, no matter how crazy this leap of faith might seem to you. Now is a time when you need to trust where the Universe is taking you.As you undertake this new journey, the Fool encourages you to have an open, curious mind and a sense of excitement. Throw caution to the wind and be ready to embrace the unknown, leaving behind any fear, worry or anxiety about what may or may not happen. This is about new experiences, personal growth, development, and adventure.The time is NOW! Take that leap of faith, even if you do not feel 100% ready or equipped for what is coming (who knows what it could be?!). Seriously, what are you waiting for? Do you think you need to have everything mapped out before you can begin? No way! Not with the Fool. He ventures out on his journey with just his essential belongings – and now he invites you to do the same. You are ready! If you’ve been watching for a sign, this is it!This is a time of great potential and opportunity for you right now. The world is your oyster, and anything can happen. Use your creative mind with a dash of spontaneity to make the most of this magical time and bring forth your new ideas in powerful ways.The Fool is your invitation to relax, play, and have fun. Treat life like one big experiment and feel yourself in the flow of whatever comes your way. This card asks you to embrace your beautiful, carefree spirit, allowing yourself to connect to the energy that surrounds you and flows through you. Tap into your fullest potential by stepping into a place of wonderment, curiosity and intrigue. Live life as though you were a child once again. Laugh more, dance, and let your heart go free.This is an excellent card to meditate on if you are struggling with dread, worry or self-doubt in your life. The Fool is your guide, as someone who is daring and carefree. He is the embodiment of who you really are – your free spirit, your inner child, and your playful soul. Any time you experience fear, remember the essence of the Fool as he encourages you to acknowledge that fear and do it anyway!

When the reversed Strength card appears in a Tarot reading, tune in to your current levels of inner strength, confidence and self-belief. Are you overflowing with self-confidence, or are you depleted? And how can you bring these aspects back into balance?

If you have recently experienced a setback, you may be vulnerable and lacking in self-confidence. Know that your core strength will always be with you and now is as good a time as any to reconnect with this power. In fact, you may hold more strength and resilience than you give yourself credit for – so, be kind to yourself. You can also reinvigorate your self-assurance and self-esteem by collecting evidence from your past that proves you have what it takes to succeed and overcome these temporary challenges.

Check in on your energy levels right now. You may be sluggish, particularly if you have been dedicating yourself to serving others or have been pushing hard to achieve a goal. The reversed Strength card is your invitation to take stock and restore your energy levels by resting and withdrawing for a temporary period.

The reversed Nine of Swords can also point out that you are incredibly hard on yourself, putting yourself down or engaging in negative self-talk. So, when the Nine of Swords reversed appears in a reading, ask yourself why you are so hard on yourself. How are you putting yourself down, and what is the source of your depression? What can you do to make yourself feel better? You may need to make a more conscious effort to quit the negative self-talk and replace it with positive reinforcement for a job well done.

On a more positive note, the Nine of Swords reversed can show that you have already worked through this period of worry and depression and are making a recovery. You may have come to the realization that things are not as bad as you made them out to be, and you are beginning to relax and calm yourself about what was once a terrifying situation.

The Four of Cups can also indicate a time when you are turning your attention and your energy internally, to realign to this new phase of your life. You know that you need to be standing firmly before you can decide your next steps. While you may need to decline some very alluring opportunities, you do so knowing you will be in a better position to say ‘yes’ to the opportunities that are a better fit for you. You are creating the space within yourself so that you are ready to accept new opportunities later and give them the best possibility of success. Use this time for inward reflection, grounding, and contemplation before accepting the next ‘big thing’. Sometimes this card brings the message, ‘Not now, but maybe later.’ While the man in the Four of Cups doesn’t accept the cups offered to him, he doesn’t wholly reject them either. You may be waiting for a sign or further information before taking an invitation or new project. Check in emotionally and spiritually before you say ‘yes’, to make sure the opportunity is a good fit and that you can commit to it in the long-term. The Four of Cups invites you to bring your attention inward and re-evaluate your situation to find a deeper meaning in what you do. You may have found yourself disconnected from your emotional self and inner truth, and need to re-establish this connection so you can get a greater sense of purpose and direction. Now could be an excellent time to switch off from the distractions of the external world – social media, the news and other people’s stories – to allow you the space to listen to your own voice and inner knowing and gain more clarity. The man in this card has his arms crossed as if protecting himself and closing off from the external world. You may have had a relationship end in heartbreak or experienced failure in your career and now want to avoid getting in the same predicament again. However, you may miss out on new opportunities that are an excellent fit for you. Check in on a soul level and question whether shutting yourself down is the best course of action, or if it’s time to open up to the possibilities available to you

The Eight of Wands says the struggles of the Seven of Wands have now all but cleared and you have the freedom and space to move forward with your plans once again. This Eight is a dynamic card, containing a high level of energy that propels you forward to reach your goals at a much faster pace than ever before. You can expect to be very busy, but this is one of those ‘good busy’ periods during which you are enthusiastic about the progress you are making.

The Eight of Wands encourages you to go with the flow; don’t resist it. Everything is moving fast right now, so make the most of this forward momentum to manifest your goals and dreams. Allow the energy of the Universe to flow through you and propel you closer to your goal. Trying to slow things down because you’re not ready or you’re fearful about the unknown will just waste this opportunity. Use the energy instead to fuel positive change and produce significant results.

The Eight of Wands also invites you to be laser-focused with your intentions and actions. Determine what you want to manifest and then align all of your resources and energy to focus on that singular goal. Remove all distractions and devote yourself to the task with total concentration, determination and will. This experience can be highly productive, allowing you to accomplish a lot in a short time.

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rilenerocks · 5 years

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I know that the deepest part of the ocean is the Marianas trench. I learned from a brilliant scientist who taught a class called Emergence of Life that water in the takes up between 50-70% of a human body.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve spent time submerged in the liquidy depths of me. While out in the world, doing the average activities that people do, I know I appear to be just like anyone else. I pass for normal. But I don’t really think I am and I never have. While lots of people seem just fine skimming along on the surface of daily life, I was always digging and probing and pondering. I rarely had a conversation with anyone that I didn’t rerun in my head, dissecting it, trying to figure out what else was there that didn’t show up on the first cursory pass. I always thought there was something else below the surface. Additionally I generally seemed to remember a lot more than other people. For example, I’d remember an incident or a series of them which I’d try to recall with someone. I received a lot of blank looks and comments stating that they had no idea what I was talking about. I realized that while it’s impossible to access all of our memories, some people actually do what I call “papering over” the things they’d prefer to forget.

While I was growing up I learned that my constant analyzing and revisiting certain topics was not popular with my family and friends. I heard “let it go,” plenty of times. But I didn’t want to and really couldn’t, until I’d exhausted every single possible interpretation of the smallest event to the largest, I couldn’t be satisfied. I think most people just wanted me to shut my mouth. That’s still true today. When I was young and sensed that I’d pushed the limits of patience with people, I’d back away from what I really wanted to do with them. It felt like dancing without a partner. I made people impatient. Always talking too much, digging too much and not leaving well enough alone. I got it then and I get it now. I don’t know if I was born this way or if I developed this trait to try protecting myself from all the uncertainties and fearful events in my childhood. At this point it doesn’t matter. I wish people were more understanding and patient with me.

From my standpoint I think patience is an underrated quality. For the most part, I don’t think people are patient enough. And as our culture becomes more of a pressure cooker, I don’t expect that to improve. Long ago, to help myself survive the rejection of my individual style. I’d turn inward. Withdrawal. I could seem present in a moment but I was actually away, submerged in myself. I don’t think I’ll ever get to the bottom of me. I can swim around my interior for long periods of time, trying to get to some point in my self-discovery that feels complete. I have an anecdote about that. I was mentioning a story to my son the other day and he said, “I know, I know, I’ve heard this a thousand times.” That might be right. But the story was a seminal moment for me, the moment when I found Michael, my best friend and the only person I knew who was willing to go with me deep under, even when it drove him crazy and when he wished I could just be, instead of working everything to the bone. It was the morning after we first met at a wedding and had spent the entire night before, hanging out together and feeling what for me is still hard to describe, an electrifying fitting together that was outside my previous experience. There was nothing cerebral about it. This was a strange sensory phenomenon that we both recognized and were eager to keep. I was leaving for Chicago the next day and we went to the home of my ride where a number of mutual friends were gathered. There were people struggling emotionally with their relationships, including Michael’s girlfriend who wasn’t thrilled by his lack of attention to her the evening before. Always a helper, I plunged into all the dynamics around me, trying to smooth things over and make some sort of peace that jangly morning. Michael sat silent, stonily staring straight ahead and after awhile, I realized I was getting nowhere with anyone. So I announced my apparent failure and said, “now I’m going to withdraw.” That drew Michael’s only response, one word – “don’t.”

That was a stunner that changed my life. When I returned from my trip home, I found Michael and asked him to come to my house so that we could continue to build whatever this thing was between us. After some months of deepening our friendship, I realized that I’d found my spot, my safe place, my best friend, my life partner. And luckily for me, he felt the same way. I was twenty years old. During our forty five years together, we had our issues like everyone else. But in the worst of times, our powerful friendship and the way we fit together carried us through everything. When he died, I knew that kind of steady backup and trust through anything was over for me. A part of me has been deeply immersed in myself with the years of our bond still helping me navigate my new daily life. But I’ve recognized that his steady presence in my life lent me the ability to be patient and understanding out there in the big world. After all the juggling of my younger days, trying to negotiate the relationships of people around me, I no longer have the impetus to absorb the parts of others that don’t satisfy who I am and how I feel. I am a different version of myself.

I am more than ever likely to withdraw now to my go-to place, internal pool that existed before Michael, that was still in me when he was here, and that is now where I feel my only true fit. He was always sensitive to my departures whereas others had no clue that I was actually totally detached and absent from whatever was happening in front of me. Much of my external behavior is performance. I am lurking below the surface because I truly don’t believe that most people want to be a part of me in the ways that work best for me. They like my parts that work best for them. Some think that having family and good friends is enough to breach the gap I created to process hard times long ago. My experience tells me otherwise. So I’m trying to find ways to survive this life with myself as my only anchor. I still have the strength of what existed in that magical way between Michael and me. I have skills. I’m strong. But I’m tired too. And holding on to what was isn’t an easy thing to do every day. I’m thinking about what I’ve taught myself to try to stay balanced while struggling.

I remember the day of my dad’s funeral. A September morning 30 years ago, cool and sunny. I was driving by Mt. Hope cemetery to the bakery to pick up cakes and pastries that family and friends would share at my mom’s place after a graveside service. As I drove along, feeling surreal, I found myself thinking what I’d thought so many times before and so many times since. Out there in the world, while I’m engulfed in grief or whatever other feelings of the moment, people are running. They’re playing sports or going for walks. They’re sleeping, making love, birthing babies, dying, crying, working, hiding and virtually any other verb you may want to insert here. Living their lives, dying their deaths, feeling their feels. You have no idea what those outside appearances are concealing. Sometimes they don’t know either. All over the world, life and death go on, and no matter how important your own particular event feels, there is always someone else’s that’s worse. That’s one of my most successful go-to strategies for coping with life, realistic thinking. Sometimes I can make a small event feel like it may have long-range positive consequences to help myself cope with staying balanced.

I was working out in my garden in late August. School was back in session and my house is on a pathway home for lots of kids who come rushing by at the end of their day. Two middle school-aged boys were riding their bikes down the street when the smaller one of the two screeched on his brakes and careened over to the sidewalk in front of my house yelling, “dude, you have to see this giant flower!” He’d spied one of my massive hydrangeas and was knocked out by it. I smiled and said, “pretty cool, right? I think you guys are very special for paying attention to nature. Lots of kids wouldn’t have noticed.” They smiled and rode away. I saw them in a different place about two weeks later and recognized them. I said, “hey, aren’t you those smart guys who stopped to look at my garden?” They looked surprised but pleased. Yesterday, I was out again and they were going by the house, dressed in pajamas for what I surmised was a special day at school. I hadn’t noticed them but the small one said hi and waved as he went by. I hope what I said to them and my presence during their time going up and back to school will stick with them, both in regard to the nature stuff and in the fact that an old lady can be someone worth engaging. I draw energy from stuff like that.

As my dive goes further, I find I’m trying to work things out in my dreams. I don’t know a lot about how the subconscious functions but in recent days I’ve dreamed that Michael was just outside, mowing the lawn. Then I dreamed that though I knew he was dead, I also knew part of him was alive and living with another family. So I went to retrieve him. As I approached where he lived, he appeared, looking wonderful and accompanied by our beloved collie Flash who looked like he did at six months old. That dream woke me from the sheer joy of it. I also dreamed of my dear friend Julie who’s in hospice now. I had driven back to her home for a second visit and she answered the door looking healthy, feeling stronger, and again I felt relief and delight. My sleeping mind is swimming with with these images which are wishes and small comforts compared to reality. I don’t pretend to get it but the days following these nighttime interludes start better than the ones that have no evening respite from reality. And then there are my daydreams usually brought on my music or activities that remind me of old times or a surprise photo that can elicit powerful surges of desire and ache.

While preparing a sizable family meal which I’d done so often in the past, my day was infused with essence of Michael, to the point when I stopped to write him this letter: Dear Michael,

I’ve spent the day chopping and mixing and cooking all the food that goes along with preparing for company and a festive holiday meal. So that means you are huge in both your absence and your presence. I wish I could talk to you about what this feels like and have you answer me in real time. Maybe you are. The other day I realized that I hadn’t seen monarchs in a few days so I made a note for my records that they’d departed for the year. When I peeked out into the back yard this morning, the white butterfly bush was alive with them in addition to the painted ladies and the sulphurs that are still hanging around. That bush is smack in the middle of what was your tomato garden and I’m not kidding, that shrub is massive and still producing new blooms that I’ve coaxed along by diligent deadheading. But the ground is full of your sweat and love and I don’t give a flying fuck about how mystical and bizarre it all seems – I know you’re in there. One day we both will be because when I finally become ash and am rejoined with yours I want the kids to dump at least part of us there. Part amongst my flowers too and the rest? Apparently we’ll become some piece of glass art, showing up as silvery streaks in the middle of our colors which you know will be red and black. Maybe a little green for depth but definitely our political colors. In any case, when the monarchs were there this morning, was I wrong to feel you’d sent a few back my way? But no more. Those guys need to get out of Dodge because it’s getting chilly. Thanks, though. So back to the kitchen. It’s about a thousand degrees in there and I’m at the sink, cleaning carrots and you come in and I say, “man, I’m really hot,” and you say, “you’re telling me.” That same old line which I pretend I don’t like but of course I love it. Then you come up behind me and grab some random body part and move suggestively and I say, “go on, you perverse old man, get out of here so I can finish up.” I smirk and make some wisecrack but I adore the familiar intimacy. And then you stick your finger into a bowl for a taste and I tell you it’s unsanitary and you laugh and drift into the living room. You have the day off when I’m cooking because you do so much of it in daily life. But you don’t get a pass on the cleanup. I shimmer through these daydreams like an apparition with you and they cloak me in a happiness that’s so transient and ephemeral. I’d love to catch up with a wavelength in time where we are solid and physical instead of the myth we’ve become. My precious boy.

So there that is. I am away for large swaths of time in this watery internal cave because I don’t like a lot of what’s going on in reality. As I slide through my days in real time, I remembered when I read The English Patient back in the early ‘90’s. It was one of those rare films that wasn’t a disappointment to me as so many films based on books can be. Sweeping, beautiful, romantic, passionate and ultimately sad.

I’ve been taking a class on Persia and Greece and there has been mention of Herodotus and his histories. In the movie, a tragic plane crash in the Egyptian desert leaves the wounded heroine in need of medical attention. Her lover carries into a cave where the walls are filled with petroglyphs that include swimmers. As he leaves her with food and water, he also gives her his copy of Herodotus, a “good read” as she awaits his return with aid. That’s how I feel now, swimming in a my interior cave with a good read for company hidden away from the rest of the world. Wondering when I’ll come to the surface.

Withdrawn in the Depths I know that the deepest part of the ocean is the Marianas trench. I learned from a brilliant scientist who taught a class called Emergence of Life that water in the takes up between 50-70% of a human body.

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thesultryicon-blog · 7 years

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task six — ✿:･ pop quiz;

— ✿:･ { the master}

traits: determined, obsessive, powerful, charismatic, confident, rash, challenging

the master is most commonly used to symbolize the antagonist, or the upper hand. while they aren’t inherently the bad guys, their determination and ability to plan ahead can be twisted into something akin to evil. while that is a strong possibility in literature, their charisma and confidence can be utilized to create a strong idea and even an idea for the good side. many masters were the catalysts of revolutions, sparking hope and motivation. masters are extremely rash in their decisions, no matter how meticulous their planning may be. they tend to follow their instincts, and it’s a good thing that they’re so quick on their feet, otherwise, many of the challenges they face might have become uglier than expected.

— ✿:･ { neutral good }

A neutral good character does the best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others. He works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them. Neutral good is the best alignment you can be because it means doing what is good without bias for or against order. However, neutral good can be a dangerous alignment because when it advances mediocrity by limiting the actions of the truly capable.

— ✿:･ { the consol}

esfj-a;

People who share the Consul personality type are, for lack of a better word, popular – which makes sense, given that it is also a very common personality type, making up twelve percent of the population. In high school, Consuls are the cheerleaders and the quarterbacks, setting the tone, taking the spotlight and leading their teams forward to victory and fame. Later in life, Consuls continue to enjoy supporting their friends and loved ones, organizing social gatherings and doing their best to make sure everyone is happy.

At their hearts, Consul personalities are social creatures, and thrive on staying up to date with what their friends are doing.

— ✿:･ { the enthusiast }

type seven;

Pleasure seekers and planners, in search of distraction

People of this personality type are essentially concerned that their lives be an exciting adventure. Sevens are future oriented, restless people who are generally convinced that something better is just around the corner. They are quick thinkers who have a great deal of energy and who make lots of plans. They tend to be extroverted, multi-talented, creative and open minded. They are enthusiasts who enjoy the pleasures of the senses and who don’t believe in any form of self-denial.

Sevens are practical people who have multiple skills. They know how to network and to promote themselves and their interests. They often have an entrepreneurial spirit and are able to convey their enthusiasm to those with whom they come in contact. When they are able to focus their talents, they are often highly successful. Focusing does not always come easily for Sevens, however. Their tendency to believe that something better awaits them, makes them reluctant to narrow down their options or to pursue their aims with true devotion.

The central problem for Sevens is that their pursuit of pleasure is compulsive. Sevens are fear types who are specifically afraid of the power of negative states of mind. These they avoid by seeking distractions in the external environment: by multi-tasking, by keeping their options open, by engaging in stimulation seeking of all kinds. For this reason, Sevens are more prone than most to addictions of all sorts, whether it be to shopping, gambling, drugs or whatever.

Sevens usually have a high opinion of themselves and their talents; they tend to focus on their strengths and virtues and to downplay their flaws and vices. They are often a bit self-centered which manifests in an unfounded feeling of entitlement. As Sevens don’t want to confront their own darker emotions, they also have difficulty acknowledging the pain that others experience, so that they sometimes have a hard time seeing the reality of other people. The extent of the Seven’s flight from negative emotions is really a measure of the Seven’s mental health; the more that the Seven flees from them, the more their strength grows and the more likely they are to erupt into consciousness in the form of an anxiety disorder or a severe depressive episode.

— ✿:･ { sanguine }

The sanguine temperament is fundamentally spontaneous and pleasure-seeking; sanguine people are sociable and charismatic. They tend to enjoy social gatherings, making new friends and tend to be boisterous. They are usually quite creative and often daydream. However, some alone time is crucial for those of this temperament. Sanguine can also mean sensitive, compassionate and thoughtful. Sanguine personalities generally struggle with following tasks all the way through, are chronically late, and tend to be forgetful and sometimes a little sarcastic. Often, when they pursue a new hobby, they lose interest as soon as it ceases to be engaging or fun. They are very much people persons. They are talkative and not shy. Sanguines generally have an almost shameless nature, certain that what they are doing is right. They have no lack of confidence.

— ✿:･ { scorpio }

Scorpios are truly the contradicting sign. They can be the best and worst of both worlds – independent and clingy, loving and cold, authoritative and weak. Above all else, they are intense about almost everything.

Scorpios are often mysterious people because their true feelings run so deep and they keep their emotions hidden. They also like to uncover things under the surface of others and are very intuitive.

They can be strong willed and determined, almost to the point of being stubborn. This makes them great competitors, even if they are able to hide this desire to win from you. This also makes Scorpios very dominant, controlling and passionate. When they do not have a positive outlet for self-expression, they often turn inwards and become destructive.

— ✿:･ { monkey }

water monkey: Smart, quick-witted, fond of being in the limelight, but haughty

People born in a year of the Monkey have magnetic personalities and are witty and intelligent. Personality traits like mischievousness, curiosity, and cleverness, make them very naughty.

Monkeys are fast learners and crafty opportunists. They have many interests and need partners who are capable of stimulating them. While some like the eccentric nature of Monkeys, others don't trust their sly, restless, and inquisitive nature.

— ✿:･ { raven }

Strong, curious, and energetic, those born under the sign of the Raven often succeed where others fail. Their deepest desire is to overcome the odds, to triumph, and to prove themselves to the world. They are willing to give up a considerable amount of personal needs, but in return they can use what others consider disadvantages to their advantage. That is their greatest power.

Like their animal namesake, members of this sign are difficult to pin down. In many world mythologies, the Raven Spirit was considered a trickster - a sly and cunning individual who would often get what they wanted, or otherwise entertain themselves, through the intellectual manipulation of others. Powerful and unpredictable, these spirits often had few true followers, for most people were wise enough to fear that which only a Raven is capable of.

This is not necessarily a “dark” sign in terms of spirit or personality, though. Many Ravens have highly developed senses of humor, and other planetary aspects in each individual’s birth chart will play a major role in the direction of that person’s life. Ravens can be young, selfish, inexperienced souls or old, powerful souls. How they use their power - for personal gain or to help others - will be an indicator of the karmic direction of a Raven’s life.

— ✿:･ { gryffindor }

The Gryffindor house emphasizes the traits of courage as well as "daring, nerve, and chivalry," and thus its members are generally regarded as brave, though sometimes to the point of recklessness. They can also be short-tempered.

— ✿:･ { orange }

Orange personalities are creative adventurers. They have an inner urge to be creative, active and enjoy their lives entirely. Orange auras are always busy with the construction, organization and forming of their projects and physical reality. The motivation of people in orange is based on how much pleasure and satisfaction they receive from their own adventures and creative projects. Physically orange auras channel their energy into adventures and pleasures of the physical world. They love the excitement, adventure, the thrills and danger. They enjoy the challenge bravely to conquer all aspects of physical reality, like to go where no one has yet gone before. They want to discover their own physical limitations and then let them go. Many orange auras willfully create unusual, risky and even dangerous situations in order to feel more alive. They love the adrenaline rush, when faced danger. The prospect of having a family sounds very conservative to these adventurers. Philosophical and spiritual concepts are mostly empty words, which have almost no significance.

#takeover:task #takeover:task6 #— ✿:･ isms #// this took forever. but like... everything is pretty damn accurate tbh #// also if someone wants me to trigger warn bc of the scorpion let me know!!!!

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nolimitsongrace · 5 years

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July 29: Come Boldly to the Throne of Grace

Come Boldly to the Throne of GraceJuly 29, 2019

Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. — Hebrews 4:16

I can’t begin to count the times that I’ve felt pressed into a hard place and didn’t know what to do. But in those moments, I’ve learned to lean upon the promises made to us in Hebrews 4:16. It says, “Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.”

Today I want us to look at the words “boldly,” “obtain,” “find,” and the phrase “help in time of need.” I am sure that these words are packed with awesome insights that will absolutely thrill your heart and will give you such peace!

The verse begins by saying, “Let us therefore come boldly…” The word “boldly” comes from the word parresia, an often-used Greek word that was used in ancient times to refer to freedom of speech. It normally depicts a person who speaks his mind and who does it straightforwardly and with great confidence. In New Testament times, freedom of speech was restricted, and people who violated the rules were punished. The word parresia, used in this verse, depicts a frankness that was so bold, it was often met with resistance, hostility, and opposition. It just wasn’t acceptable to speak so candidly. Therefore, when someone freely spoke his mind and thoughts, such outspokenness was met time and again with scorn or rebuke.

*[If you started reading this from your email, begin reading here.]

Because the Holy Spirit uses the word parresia in Hebrews 4:16, it tells us several important things. First, we know that whenever we approach the Lord in prayer, we need never fear that we are too frank, too bold, too forthright, too honest, too outspoken, or even too blunt when we bare our hearts to Him or request His help. We should never be irreverent, but neither do we need to be ashamed to speak exactly what is on our hearts. When you go to the Lord, He wants to hear exactly what you have to say!

Second, the use of the word parresia — which was used to give us the encouragement to speak boldly to God in prayer — tells us that God will not rebuke us for telling Him exactly what we think. Even if we are wrong, it will not bother God when we’re honest with Him. He may correct us or take us to the Word to help fix our wrong thinking and believing, but He is always glad when we come to Him and speak freely from our hearts.

As the verse continues, it exhorts us to “…come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.” We all need mercy, so now let’s look at the word “obtain” to see how we can obtain it!

The word “obtain” comes from the Greek word lambano. It can be translated a couple of ways, depending on how it is used in the text. For example, it can mean to seize or to lay hold of something in order to make it your very own, almost like a person who reaches out to grab, to capture, or to take possession of something. In some cases, it means to violently lay hold of something in order to seize and take it as one’s very own. At other times, it depicts a person who gently and graciously receives something that is freely and easily given.

How easily you receive from God may be determined by your own personal circumstances or inward struggles that affect the ease with which you receive God’s help. If your mind is tormented or you feel the world is pressing hard against you, it may be more difficult for you to receive — not because it’s difficult for Jesus to give, but because it’s difficult for you to focus on what He wants to give you. In that case, it may mean you have to reach out and forcibly lay hold of the help God offers.

The truth is, Jesus is willing to simply give you what you need, and all you have to do is open your heart and by faith receive it. But if exterior forces seem to be pulling you in countless different directions, it may take a deliberate act on your part to shove those external pulls out of the way and reach out by faith to lay hold of the mercy that Jesus offers you. Lay hold of it, take it, and make it your own so you can receive the mercy Jesus wants to give to help you in your situation.

But don’t stop with obtaining mercy, because the verse continues to say that you can also “find grace to help in time of need.”

The word “find” is a translation of the often-used Greek word eurisko. The word eurisko simply means to find. It expresses the idea of a discovery that is made by searching.

Usually the word eurisko points to a discovery made due to an intense investigation, scientific study, or scholarly research. There’s nothing of chance left to this kind of investigation. After working long hours and searching extensively, the time and effort finally pay off as the researcher finds what he has been seeking! In that ecstatic moment of euphoria, he shrieks, “Eureka!” — which means, “I found it!” In fact, the word “eureka” is derived from the word eurisko that is translated “find” in Hebrews 4:16, informing us of the joy experienced when a seeker finds what he has sought for so long.

Maybe you’ve sought God’s help for a long time. Perhaps you’ve prayed for it and searched for it. You’ve heeded Jesus’ word to ask, seek, and knock (see Matthew 7:8; Luke 11:10). And you’ve been persistent like the woman who knocked on the judge’s door and never gave up (see Luke 18:1-8). You have knocked and knocked and knocked — and you have sought and sought and sought. Finally, the door opens and you receive the help you needed. You have every right to shout, “Eureka! I’ve found it! I’ve received it! I have it!”

After you seek, God promises that you will capture exactly what you need from Him, so don’t stop seeking it until you have finally laid hold of it and have made it your very own!

But there is something else very important about the word eurisko that I must point out. This word doesn’t just describe a discovery made for yourself; it can also mean to acquire something for someone else. For example, do you know someone in need of some kind of help?

Do you know someone who needs physical healing?

Do you know someone who needs deliverance?

Do you know someone who needs peace of mind?

Do you know someone who needs a healing in his or her marriage or family?

Do you know someone who needs a financial breakthrough?

Because the word eurisko also means to acquire something for someone else, it means you can go to Jesus, the Great High Priest, and seek Him for help on behalf of others. You can obtain help for those who are in need — those who need healing, those who need deliverance, those who need relief from mental torment, those who need wholeness in their marriages and families, and those who need a financial breakthrough. Not only can you take your own needs to the Lord, but you can also take their needs to Him to obtain the help they so desperately need. This means the Lord wants to hear about your needs and the needs of those you love and hold dear to your heart.

But now let’s look at the phrase “help in time of need.” The phrase is a translation of the Greek word boetheia, a word with a military connotation. The word boetheia can be translated to help, as to help a person with his or her needs, but the military connotation of this word adds much more meaning and makes it really powerful.

In the world of the early New Testament, it was a military word that beckoned soldiers to battle. That word was boetheia, which was first and foremost a military word that depicted the exact moment when a soldier heard that his fellow fighter was entrenched in battle, captured, or struggling. Once alerted to this situation, the soldier quickly went into battle to fight for the safety and well-being of his fellow fighter. For that soldier, just hearing of a fellow fighter in need was all that was necessary to beckon him into battle. He spared no effort to deliver his brother as he went into action to rescue him and bring him back into a place of safety, security, and protection.

The Holy Spirit uses this same word to tell us that when we get into trouble and we tell Jesus about it, He goes into battle like a Mighty Warrior to be our defense and to secure our deliverance!

When Jesus fights, He is always on the winning side. So the next time you’re struggling, don’t try to slug it out all by yourself. Instead, go to Jesus and tell Him your situation. He will go to battle for you and fight until you are delivered and free! This is the kind of “help” Jesus wants to provide if you will present your needs to Him in faith. Why fight alone when the greatest Warrior in the universe is willing to fight for you?

For the last 2,000-plus years, Jesus has been seated at the Father’s right hand, where He ever lives to make intercession for anyone who comes to Him by faith (see Hebrews 7:25). The Lord has been fighting for every believer who has come boldly and honestly to Him in prayer. If you are willing to seek His assistance and not stop until you get it, Jesus will step up to the plate and fight for you. More than 2,000 years ago, Jesus died for you, but today — and right at this very moment — He is living to fight for your every need!

Isn’t that some of the best news you’ve ever heard in your whole life? Jesus is just waiting for you to present your needs to Him and to ask for His help. So why don’t you take a few minutes right now to present your needs to Him? Don’t worry that He will rebuke you for being too honest. He is beckoning you to come boldly to His throne to obtain mercy and to find grace to help in your time of need!

MY PRAYER FOR TODAY

Lord Jesus, I come to You boldly with the needs I am facing in my life. I have wrongly lacked confidence and failed to be straightforward about them with You, but now I understand that You want me to be frank, forthright, and direct with You about these challenges I am facing. Thank You that You don’t rebuke or scorn me for being bold — and thank You for stepping forward as a mighty Warrior to help fight my challenge with me. Today I am coming to You boldly, and I am expecting You to step forward to fight in my defense!

I pray this in Jesus’ name!

MY CONFESSION FOR TODAY

I declare that I obey the Lord’s charge to pray boldly and forthrightly when I come to the throne of God’s grace. He bids me to come, and today I accept His invitation to come boldly and to declare my each and every need. With the help of the Holy Spirit, I will lay hold of the answers that I need and my exterior circumstances must change as a result of this time at the throne of God’s grace. Jesus will step forward as my Mighty Warrior to fight for me. He is just waiting for me to issue Him the invitation to step into the fray with me and to manifest His victory in this battle!

I declare this by faith in Jesus’ name!

QUESTIONS FOR YOU TO CONSIDER

Can you think of a time when you boldly approached the throne of God and received help in your time of need? When was that experience? What happened as a result of boldly asking for help?

Are there others you know who need you to do some asking for them today? Who are those individuals who really need you to bring their names before the throne of grace?

Is there is a moment you recall when Jesus stepped forward like a Mighty Warrior and fought for you when you were in need? When was that moment? Wouldn’t it be good for you to meditate on His faithfulness to you today? It will help stir you up for the victory that you need right now.

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emlydunstan · 6 years

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What 8 Days of Silent Meditation in Sri Lanka Taught Me About Myself

When we arrived at the meditation center in the middle of the Sri Lankan jungle during a downpour, we were greeted by leeches. The first victim, a tall German girl, started screaming and flailing when she noticed the mini monster stuck to her hand. Truth be told, I would have reacted the same way had I been the first victim, but she got it out of the way so I could steel myself.“Oh, you will definitely get zem,” the white-haired German meditation instructor informed us in his grandfatherly accent. “You just pluck zem up and put zem back into zee nature.” He demonstrated this, gently removing the leech and lovingly transferring it to a leafy plant, more compassionate towards the creature and more amused by its human victim.“What have I gotten myself into?” I wondered.After filling out paperwork, we were shown to our rooms. They were closet-sized, blank, and crumbly, with two tiny, thinly mattressed beds and a couple nightstands. Of course, Leechy Screamer was my roommate. That would be okay, I thought, because this was a silent retreat and we wouldn’t have to talk to each other. Except, she didn’t seem to get that memo…She was “Chatty Cathy” as we unpacked our things. I let it slide, responding in just one or two word answers, hoping she’d get the point about this being a SILENT meditation retreat after our meditation sessions began that evening. As an introvert, the lack of social pressure to talk to new people, even when sharing a closet-sized room with them, was refreshing. But it was weird not talking to my husband, who was staying in the men’s section on the other side of the retreat center. Throughout the week, we’d pass each other entering the Meditation Hall or the Dining Hall; he usually piously avoided eye contact, while I jumped to conclusions about how he was obviously “doing so much better than me” at this, as my brain likes to make even meditation retreats into a competition. After the initial shock of the first day wore off, what did I realize on day two? Eight days is a long time. Eight days are a lot of days. Why did I think I would breeze through this eight-day-long experience like an ultra-zen fairy princess? By day two, I started questioning: “Is this really necessary for my life?” Obviously, I had deemed it so when I had signed up a couple months before. Just over two years sober and a newbie yoga teacher, I thought this intense meditation training seemed like the next right step. Disconnecting from technology and the demands of our constantly-connected world, diving deeper into my meditation practice to silence my chaotic thoughts, doing nothing but 100% spiritual personal development work for a week? This sounded thrilling and important and like something I was ready for, but that was before I actually tried to do it.Struggling to Stay in the MomentThe sitting was the hardest part. Five hours a day of seated meditation (although broken into five separate chunks) was enough to drive my “go go go” ego into full-on rebellion mode. I’d be sitting on my meditation cushion, trying to do nothing but observe my breath as instructed, when I’d realize I’d been chasing the craziness of my random thoughts around my head as if I was watching a pinball machine for the last 15 minutes! Why, at 5 a.m. during morning meditation, does my brain need to start spontaneously planning how I’m going to hike the Pacific Crest Trail to celebrate my 40th birthday? I’m 31 so it’s not like it's around the corner. My obsession with planning and controlling every detail of my life was ridiculous. Why was it so hard for me to stay in the moment? The harder I tried to silence my brain and meditate, the more I felt like my thoughts had their own individual thoughts and my brain was capable of splitting itself into infinitesimally small segments all at once, each thought wave following its own path of distraction.And that is why I sorely needed this retreat. The disconnection from the outside world, lack of external stimuli, and plodding routine of each day forced me to turn inward and reckon with the darker parts of my ego. I’ve heard some say that addiction is the “disease of more,” and I realized that the objects of my addictive personality had switched from substances and codependency to adventure and overthinking. Just as I had always wanted more alcohol, now I wanted more stimulation, more work, more travel, and more excitement. I usually don’t want more of the things that really serve my growth and bring me balance. More meditation and quiet? No thank you.Sitting on those cushions hour after hour, I realized just how much of my mental capacity I was spending “creating suffering” as our Buddhist instructor taught. By not accepting the true nature of reality, I create mental anguish for myself. I’m a specialist at avoiding the present moment, either living in past memories or projecting myself into the future — obsessing about the next meal, the next time I’d get to check my phone, my next trip home to see my family, etc. Even when I’m thinking about happy times, I’m removing myself from the present moment and denying myself the gift of seeing things for how they really are. Meditation trains us in non-attachment and non-identification with our thoughts. Being cloistered away from “the real world” on this retreat, with no phone or laptop or work or even anyone to talk to, struggling with the leeches jumping onto my feet and the rain and the other Sri Lankan insects constantly invading our space, and not being able to talk about it with anyone? My struggle with mindfulness emerged in all its large and ugly reality.The retreat also helped me realize just how judgmental I am. There’s really nothing like being alone in silence with my own thoughts to expose me for the Judgey Mcjudgerson that I truly am. When faced with limited entertainment options? “OMG, why is she putting so much sugar in her tea?” I’d catch myself thinking as I noticed someone in the breakfast line. Or, “Really, he’s wearing the SAME SHIRT AGAIN????” I even wrote these judgements into my journal sometimes. On Day 3 I wrote, “My roommate just asked me for a pen. She is so unprepared. I am so judgmental!” Well, at least I caught myself. “Loving kindness!” I next wrote, as if writing it in bold with an exclamation point would make me practice the spiritual qualities our instructor had been teaching us about.Finding Clarity and Learning to DetachThroughout the week we were taught lessons about Buddhism and meditation twice a day. I started to see many similarities between the Buddhist “dharma” (teaching) and the 12 Steps of AA. Non-attachment, non-reactivity, and non-indulgence in every craving or story my brain starts to tell me are basic tenets of Buddhism. These are in essence the same lessons I had to learn in my initial trudge through the steps with my sponsor. But now, two years later, living in Sri Lanka, and many months removed from my last AA meeting, the universe was handing me the same lesson in a different context more relevant to my life now. I found this pretty cool, yet still pretty hard to grapple with.One of my favorite parts of each day was our closing mantra, which echoed the “nightly review” concept of Step 10: “I do admit all my failures on this dayAnd promise to learn from themShould I have hurt somebody through thoughts, words, or actionsI ask for forgiveness.”On the third full day, I started to get space, little glimpses of a clear mind in between thoughts, as if my brain had finally dropped down to a lower gear. The walking meditation was also becoming easier than the sitting meditation. Walking through the meditation garden, every plant and flower seemed more vibrant and enthralling each day; bird sounds seemed louder and more distinct, as if all my senses were heightened. Rather than getting bored with the walk, every pass through the same garden revealed more natural wonders in intricate detail. It was as if by finally shutting off all the external stimuli, I was waking up to the free beauty the universe surrounds us with every day.The rigorous meditation schedule still stayed hard though. My husband and I started passing each other notes like middle school kids, “I’m struggling today, urgh!” he said, to which I responded “If you want to call it quits, I’m down. Just kidding!…maybe….?” Neither one of us wanted to crack first, so we stuck with it. Our next notes shared the nicknames we’d come up with for our fellow meditators — his descriptive names such as “Gentle Walker” and “Sings in Shower” and my 7 Dwarves variations such as Sneezy, Twitchy, Chatty, and so on. Like I said, I’m judgmental.I realized that my obsessive tendency towards multi-tasking and overthinking probably began at a young age. In high school I would only half-listen in most classes while doing as much of my homework as possible during class time so I could have after-school hours free for a myriad of extra-curricular activities. This efficiency was praised and rewarded so I just continued. My nickname should be Queen of Doing Too Many Things at Once and Inefficient Future Over-Planning. Thus what should have been so easy, to follow a strict timetable from 4:45am-8:45pm, was challenging because the content of each activity — meditative mindfulness — was too simple. “You’ll never get this week of your life back,” I heard myself think multiple times. “STOP TRYING TO SPEED UP YOUR LIFE!” I’d argue back at myself, every time I caught my ego wishfully counting the days left on the retreat.AcceptanceEventually, faced with no other option, I started to accept the fact that maybe I couldn’t kill my cravings and silence my thoughts in only eight days. But, perhaps everything I was craving would still be there when I got back from my week in the jungle: work, people, the busy world. I suspected all of it would be waiting for me, largely unchanged. My To Do list would still be never-ending and my goals still large and vast. I wanted to be a person who could do this week of silent meditation. I wanted to get something out of it. I wanted to live mindfully, feel spiritually connected, to be less of a disconnected, frenzied entrepreneur run by self-will and ego. And yes, by the end of the week I did realize that all of those “wants” were indicative of the problem itself: my desire-filled ego. But at least now the things I wanted were good things?The end of the retreat came, and I was right, the “real world” was more or less the same when I got back to it. My roommate and I finally got to have a real conversation (about how much of a struggle the week was for both of us, of course) and became good friends. Although I don’t think I made a miraculous transformation on this retreat, I made progress. By the end of the week, in a squirmy, uncomfortable way, I started to accept a little more easily the cyclical nature of life. I had to allow the rain and the leeches to lead to the sunshine and birdcalls. I had to be a drunk for years in order to be sober. I had to take this week of quiet introspection in order to be ready for the thrills and opportunities I know will come to me when the time is right. What is the point of rushing it all? Especially if, as Buddhism teaches, all is one. As our nightly mantra ended each evening: “We are all flowers in the same soil in the same garden.” Now take a deep breath and love the cycle.

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pitz182 · 6 years

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What 8 Days of Silent Meditation in Sri Lanka Taught Me About Myself

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alexdmorgan30 · 6 years

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What 8 Days of Silent Meditation in Sri Lanka Taught Me About Myself

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