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windfighter · 2 years

Text

Bury me in white

Kouji wasn’t feeling great when he woke up. He yawned, rubbed his eyes and blew his nose into his sleeve. Disgusting. He threw the shirt into the pile with dirty clothes.

Not great, but it wasn’t that bad either. He’d just have to take it easy today, stick to the easy slopes. Which had been the plan anyway. He didn’t like skiing much.

He slipped into warmer clothes, grabbed his skiis and left the cabin he and Kouichi shared. Kouichi was still sleeping and Kouji didn’t want to wake him up, so better to go to the restaurant, get some breakfast and warm up before Takuya decided to challenge him.

The restaurant was almost empty, a few other early birds having their coffee and scrambled eggs. Kouji grabbed a cup of coffee and some pancakes with maple syrup before sitting down outside to eat. It was cold outside, close to -20 degrees celcius, and Kouji shivered. He wrapped his hands around the cup to warm them up and watched the nightsky above.

He didn’t manage the pancakes, but he’d always been terrible at eating breakfast. He just wasn’t hungry when he woke up. He’d eat with the others later. He put the plate and cups away, put his skiis on and went out on the slopes.

---------------

The sun was rising and Kouji started heading back to the cabins. Takuya and Tomoki were already awake, trying and failing at making snowmen outside their cabin. Kouji could see Izumi and Junpei through the window and waved at them before heading inside.

Kouichi was still sleeping. Kouji smiled mischievously. He really shouldn’t but… there was no way he could resist. He snuck closer and put his frozen glove against Kouichi’s neck. Kouichi woke up with a shriek and sat up, almost knocking his head in Kouji’s jaw when doing so. Kouji laughed.

”Morning, niisan.”

Kouichi grumbled, and pulled the blanket over his shoulders.

”What’s the emergency?”

”No emercency”, Kouji pulled a hand across his nose. ”Everyone’s up and awake already though, just waiting for you.”

Kouichi raised an eyebrow.

”Are you sick?”

”Just a cold.”

Kouji grabbed Kouichi’s hand and pressed his forehead against it.

”Not even a fever, don’t worry.”

”I’ll be keeping an eye on you anyway.”

Kouji rolled his eyes.

”You get supersick once and never hear the end of it. Whatever makes you happy.”

Kouichi got out of the bed, stretched and changed into regular clothes. Kouji sat down on the bed with a yawn and Kouichi glanced at him.

”Maybe you should stay here.”

”No way, I wanna hang out with the rest of you. I’m getting hungry now though.”

Kouichi laughed.

”Okay, okay, I’ll hurry”, he said and disappeared into the bathroom.

----------------

”Let’s go off-pist”, Takuya was quick to suggest after breakfast.

Kouji hesitated. Takuya grinned at him.

”Or are you scaaa~red?”

”I’m not scared, Takuya.”

Kouji wasn’t as good at skiing as Takuya and Tomoki, but Tomoki prefered the jump-slope and the slalom-slope, and Kouji was good enough at skiing that going off-pist wasn’t dangerous. But he had promised himself to take it easy today.

”Maybe after lunch”, he suggested. ”Give you a chance to warm up so you can keep up with me.”

”It’s fine to be scared”, Takuya said. ”I’ll just look down on you a little.”

”No one’s scared”, Kouichi said and walked past them to grab his skiis. ”We can at least start the day together.”

”I might head into town after lunch then”, Izumi said and grabbed her own skiis. ”I want to see the sights and not just skii while we’re here.”

Tomoki grabbed his skiis and started running to the lift.

”Last one up is a rotten cod!” he called and Takuya and Kouji started running after him. Kouichi facepalmed, but took chase as well while Junpei and Izumi walked in their own tempo. There would be a line to the lift anyway.

--------

Kouji was still hesitating at lunch-time. He was feeling slightly worse than he had in the morning and he could tell Kouichi could see it. He barely ate, but at least he drank two cups of tea to help warm him up and soothe his throat which was starting to itch.

”We could do something in the cabins after lunch”, Kouichi suggested after Kouji pulled a hand across his eyes for the fifth time. ”I brought some card-games we can play.”

”What card-games?” Kouji asked and put his arms and head on the table.

”Nah, we’re going off-pist”, Takuya said and nudged Kouji’s side. ”Unless someone’s a scaredy cat.”

”Maybe I am and you haven’t realized it”, Kouji said with a yawn.

”Off-pist sounds fun”, Tomoki said, ”but they’re gonna open the new and higher jump-slope this afternoon. I wanna try that!”

”Want us to watch?” Kouji asked and Tomoki shook his head.

”I’ll be fine, I’m great at jumping!”

”The best”, Takuya agreed. ”When’s your first olympic game?”

Tomoki laughed. Kouichi looked pointedly at Kouji.

”Why are you so adamant about off-pist anyway?” Kouji asked and closed his eyes.

”More exciting than the slopes. We might even see a bear!”

Kouichi facepalmed.

”You sure know how to sell it”, he said sarcastically, but Kouji sat up again.

”I am interested and would like to subscribe to your newsletter”, he said and Kouichi groaned.

Takuya smiled.

”Off-pist?”

”Yeah, sure. I’ll join you”, Kouji said.

He just hoped he wouldn’t regret it.

------------

Takuya was faster than Kouji on skiis, but at least he would stay from time to time to let Kouji catch up to him. Kouji coughed and almost hit a tree, but managed to swerve out of the way just in time. Takuya looked at him.

”You doing okay back there?” he called.

Kouji pulled a hand across his face before giving Takuya thumbs up.

”No bears yet”, Kouji called back and had to cough again.

”Maybe on the other side of the rocks!”

He gestured up the slope to a rock formation and Kouji stared at it for a while. It felt so far away. Maybe he should have accepted Kouichi’s offer to play card-games, but it was too late now. They started the climb up, Takuya gestured further down again.

”A cave! Wanna explore it?”

Kouji shook his head.

”Shouldn’t wake a sleeping bear”, he said and shivered.

”...are you okay?” Takuya asked, finally noticing Kouji’s short breaths.

”Just a cold”, Kouji said.

Takuya nodded and they headed further up the slope.

-----------

They hadn’t heard the avalanche warning on the radio. Kouji wasn’t sure if it was he or Takuya who got the snow rolling, or if it had just been a coincidence, but suddenly they were going as fast as they could in order to outrun the snow chasing them.

Takuya swerved to the right, towards the cave they spotted earlier. Kouji followed him, the distance between them increasing for every second, and the snow quickly catching up to him. He wasn’t sure he would make it.

A cough forced itself through his throat, made him swerve in the wrong direction. He corrected it quickly, leaned forward a bit more to try and speed up. He was almost at the cave. The snow sped up behind him.

It was heavy. Kouji tried to roll up to protect himself, but the force of the snow was too strong for him to be able to do anything. He felt something snap and desperately hoped it was his skiis, but there was an intense pain radiating from his leg.

He needed to stay awake. Everything was cold and dark. He couldn’t tell up from down. He coughed, the snow pressed against his chest and made it hard to breathe. There wasn’t any air to breathe anyway. He tried to move, tried to push the snow away, give himself some more room.

Red-hot pain flared up from his leg, made his head spin, and he blacked out.

-----------------

Snow crashed into the cave. Takuya backed as far away from the entrance as he could. He couldn’t see Kouji.

He couldn’t see much, the cave was dark with the sunlight blocked.

He pulled off his backpack, rummaged around in it until he found a flashlight, sending a grateful thought to Kouichi for forcing them to take emergency backpacks in case something happened. He turned the light on.

The cave wasn’t big, but maybe that was a plus in this situation. It was easier to heat up and keep a small enclosed area warm than a big one. He stared at the snow covering the entrance and leaned against the wall. He slid down to the ground, felt panic clawing in his chest.

Was Kouji okay?

Takuya took his skiis off. At least he was okay, if closed in. Good thing he wasn’t claustrophobic.

The snow moved, more snow fell into the cave. There would probably be a second avalanche any minute. He really hoped Kouji had gotten to safety.

He pulled a blanket out of the backpack, wrapped it around himself and stared at the snow. Ten minutes went past. The snow was getting darker.

The snow was getting… redder.

Takuya’s eyes widened. He got to his feet again, the blanket forgotten behind him. He dug his hands into the snow. It was cold. And packed.

”Kouji!?”

A bit of snow fell into the cave as he dug a hole in it. The red snow was sticky against his gloves. He didn’t have to dig for long until he found a leg.

”Kouji… Shit.”

He kept digging, had to free Kouji from the masses. Kouji wasn’t moving, wasn’t even shivering. He was pale when Takuya finally got him free, finally got him into the cave. Takuya bit his lip.

”Please tell me you’re at least breathing”, he muttered and held his cheek over Kouji’s mouth.

Takuya held his breath. Kouji exhaled weakly, but at least he was breathing. Takuya leaned back. He needed to get them out of there.

-----------

Kouji woke up with a cough. He took a breath and coughed again. Breathing was hard, it felt like he was breathing water.

”Your breathing is getting worse”, Takuya said from somewhere.

Kouji tried lifting his head, but Takuya was there and held him down.

”You shouldn’t move, I’m not sure how injured you are…”

Kouji blinked. The world was dark, a small fire next to him the only source of light.

”Hurts…” he forced out.

”No shit”, Takuya said with a panicked laugh. ”Compound fractures do that.”

Takuya held his hand against Kouji’s forehead and bit his lip. Kouji’s eyes were closing again.

”Are you cold?” Takuya asked.

Kouji had to think. His brain felt slow and disconnected from his body and connecting it required effort. He was wrapped in something, the rescue blanket from his backpack he assumed, and something soft had been placed under his head. He didn’t feel like he was freezing so he shook his head.

”Fire will die out soon”, Takuya told him. ”We’re in a cave and I only had our skiis for fuel.”

”Hn?” Kouji asked and had to cough.

Takuya took a shaky breath and patted Kouji’s shoulder.

”Get some rest, I’ll keep trying to dig us out.”

Takuya stood up again. Kouji took another shallow breath and let himself slip back into oblivion.

---------------

Breathing was even harder next time he woke up. The fire had died out and the cave was pitch black.

”’kuya?”

He had to cough, his body shook and he let out a cry as it moved his broken leg. The light of a flashlight swooped over him and then Takuya was next to him.

”I’m here”, Takuya said.

He put a hand on Kouji’s shoulder and put the flashlight on the floor next to them.

”Are you hungry? Or thirsty?”

Kouji shook his head. Takuya reached for one of the backpacks and pulled out a bottle of water.

”I need you to drink a little anyway”, he said and put a hand under Kouji’s head.

Takuya’s hand was shivering, Kouji notied as Takuya lifted his head slightly from the ground and held the bottle to his lips. He took a couple of sips, then pressed against Takuya’s hand to let him know it was enough.

”You… okay?” Kouji asked when he was down on the ground again.

”Yeah, just getting cold from digging through the snow.”

”Don’t”, Kouji ordered. ”GPS…”

Takuya’s eyes widened slightly and he let out a short ’oh’ before he started digging through the backpack again. Kouji watched him in silence.

”I forgot about these”, Takuya said and held up the gps-sender with an awkward grin.

A loud rumble echoed outside the cave and the hole Takuya had dug fell in on itself. Takuya cursed quietly.

”Hours of work undone just like that.”

”Cold…” Kouji said.

Another cough tore through him and his eyes teared up. Everything hurt. Takuya pulled a hand through Kouji’s hair.

”I can’t do much about that, I’m sorry. Try to get some more sleep, I’ll wake you up when they come to get us.”

-------------

Kouji woke up from time to time. The cave was dark and got colder as time passed. Takuya made him drink and eat every time he woke up.

Breathing got harder and harder. Kouji’s lungs hurt with every breath. Takuya was sitting next to him, wrapped in his own blanket.

”How… long…” Kouji managed to ask.

”...a day”, Takuya said and pulled his hands through his hair. ”They’ll come soon.”

He didn’t say that they had run out of water, but Kouji knew. He didn’t say anything, just closed his eyes and let himself drift off again.

---------

Air didn’t want to enter Kouji’s lungs. He woke up, desperately tried to take a breath. He threw his hand to the side in panic and hit Takuya’s leg. Takuya stirred next to him.

”Kouji?”

Takuya’s movements were so slow. The panic clawing in Kouji’s chest got worse. Light flooded the cave as Takuya turned the flashlight on and looked at Kouji.

Takuya’s eyes widened. He tilted Kouji’s head back slightly, opened his airways. But the airways weren’t the problem, his lungs were. Darkness was creeping in on him, his eyes were sliding shut.

Kouji grabbed Takuya’s blanket, tried to pull himself into a sitting position. He coughed, muccus gathered in his mouth and he swallowed it. The blanket slid off Takuya, made him shiver, but it also made him move.

Takuya put his hands under Kouji’s back, pushed him into a sitting position and sat down behind him, wrapping his blanket around both of them and his arms around Kouji. Kouji’s breaths came in short and quick successions, but he was breathing again. Takuya rested his forehead against Kouji’s head and let out a relieved sigh. Kouji shivered, started coughing. He didn’t stop coughing and Takuya wrapped his arms tighter around Kouji.

”Don’t die”, he whispered.

Kouji wanted to answer, but he couldn’t. He grabbed his blanket, tried to cling to conciousness, but it slid away from him. He still wasn’t getting enough oxygen.

Takuya hugged Kouji tighter as he slipped back to sleep and his coughs died out.

-----------

”Kouji”, Takuya shook Kouji. ”They’re here now.”

Kouji was cold and still in his arms. Takuya stared at the hole that was slowly getting larger. Light was flooding into the cave and he blinked.

”They’re here”, he repeated. ”We’re saved.”

Tears filled his eyes. He hoped it wasn’t too late.

---------------

Something was breathing for him. Kouji opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. A face he didn’t recognize hovered next to him.

”You’re awake”, it said and Kouji closed his eyes again. ”Your dad will be back soon.”

Kouji didn’t want to know what had happened. His body was still exhausted and he fell asleep again.

--------------

The machine was still breathing for him next time he woke up. He lifted a hand to pull it out, but someone put it back on the mattress.

”Better leave that for the nurses”, Kousei said next to him. ”How are you doing?”

Kouji couldn’t answer, didn’t even have the energy to glare. Kousei patted his hand.

”Stupid question, I guess.”

He squeezed Kouji’s hand.

”Kouichi has promised to never let you out of his sight again.”

Kouji tried to glance around the room, but moving was painful and hard.

”He’s not here, I’m the only one allowed inside until you can breathe on your own.”

Kousei squeezed his hand again.

”Get some more rest, you’ll need lots of it.”

Kouji obeyed.

-------------

Kouji opened his eyes and the nurse next to him jumped.

”Sorry”, he said. ”Most people in the ICU are unconcious.”

Kouji frowned. He felt a bit more energetic and the nurse’s words did not fill him with confidence.

”We’ve gotten your fever under control”, the nurse continued. ”You might get a chest x-ray today to see if your lungs are getting better as well.”

Kousei squeezed Kouji’s hand.

”Otherwise we need to start looking at a lungtransplant”, the nurse said and Kouji grabbed Kousei’s hand in panic.

”Don’t worry, they know what they’re doing”, Kousei said and patted his shoulder.

Kouji was not as confident as his dad.

-------------

”Acute respiratory distress syndrome”, Kouichi said with his head in his hands when Kouji was finally off the ventilator and out of the ICU.

Kouji had a mask over his mouth and nose to ensure he got enough oxygen, but it was absolutely an upgrade from the ventilator. He patted Kouichi’s shoulder.

”Better now”, he said and hoped that would make Kouichi less worried.

Kouichi let his hands down and stared at him.

”You almost died, Kouji.”

Kouji closed his eyes. He did not want to hear it.

”Guess we’re even know”, he said.

Kouichi kept staring at him. Kouji turned his head away.

”You’re never going off-pist again”, Kouichi said and Kouji rolled his eyes.

”Wasn’t planning to.”

”Good.”

Kouji took a shaky breath. His eyes were suddenly filled with water and his shoulders shook. Kouichi put a hand on his shoulder.

”Kouji…?”

”I’m fine”, he said and pulled a hand across his eyes.

Kouichi didn’t believe him. He got up from the chair, walked over to the other side of Kouji’s bed and sat on the edge of it.

”I was so scared…” Kouji whispered.

Kouichi grabbed Kouji’s hand and put a hand on his shoulder. Kouji’s breaths were getting shorter again.

”Hey”, Kouichi said, ”the worst is over. Now it’s just a slow and tedious process of getting well again.”

”Horrible vacation”, Kouji said and snorted. ”Zero out of ten, would not recommend.”

He took a shaky breath and yawned. Kouichi squeezed his hand.

”Get some rest, I’ll be here.”

”Sounds good”, Kouji mumbled and closed his eyes.

-------------

Kouji spent most of the first week out of the ICU sleeping, his body still needing time to heal and recover. Kouichi was by his side every time he woke up.

”Don’t you have anything better to do that sit in the hospital?” Kouji asked when he felt less out of it.

”Not really”, Kouichi said and looked up from the paper he was writing. ”The teachers have been very understanding and I can do most studying here anyway.

”Okay?” Kouji asked and tried to sit up.

Kouichi stopped him before his lungs could protest. Kouji raised the headend of the bed instead and tried not to look at the device keeping his broken leg fixated. Kouichi noticed the way his eyes moved.

”They’ll change it into a cast next week”, he reminded Kouji for the fifth time.

”I hate this”, Kouji complained, also for the fifth time.

”At least you’re getting better. Maybe I’ll even let Takuya visit after school.”

”That’s not really up to you.”

Kouji was quiet for a while and Kouichi went back to studying. A nurse peeked inside at eleven and changed the breathing mask Kouji was still sporting to a nasal cannula and then food was served at midday. Kouichi had a sandwich while Kouji got to enjoy rice, fried fish and fruit sallad. It wasn’t bad, but…

”I want to go home”, Kouji said and his shoulders fell.

”Food that bad?” Kouichi asked.

Kouji shook his head and had another bite of the lunch. Kouichi watched him.

”We’ll get out of here when your lungs work again.”

”And when’ll that be?”

Kouichi shrugged.

”Ask the doctor when they come to check up on you. I don’t know everything.”

Kouji went for an overdramatic and sarcastic gasp, and was sent into a coughing fit. He grabbed Kouichi’s hand as he struggled to breathe.

”They literally just took the mask off”, Kouichi said with a laugh when Kouji was done.

”Maybe I just hate being able to breathe”, Kouji said, still out of breath.

He leaned his head back with a sigh and closed his eyes.

”Can you…” His cheeks felt warm. ”Can you read to me?” he asked.

”I don’t have any good books for that”, Kouichi answered. ”I’ve only brought the school books.”

”You can read the math book, I don’t mind.” Kouji had to cough again. ”I’m not up to talking any longer.”

”...but you don’t want silence.”

Kouji nodded. Kouichi grabbed one of his books.

”I’ll ask dad and Satomi to bring some better books when they come tonight”, he said before leaning back to read about algebra.

--------------

Another week later and Kouji was finally allowed to go home. He was vibrating with excitment at the thought of not having to stare at the hospital walls all day. Kouichi laughed at him.

”You’ve been here almost as long as I have”, Kouji said. ”Aren’t you excited to go home?”

”I’m here by choice”, Kouichi answered and helped Kouji pack his bag. ”But it’ll be nice to get out.”

”I still don’t get how you convinced the teachers to let you sit here for 2½ week. It’s not like I was dying or anything.”

Kouichi stared at him.

”You were in the ICU for a ten days, Kouji.”

”I wasn’t even unconsious for most of it, it was fine.”

Kouichi put his face in his hands and shook his head.

”Your lungs were so bad they considered a lung transplant. Can you stop downplaying it?”

Kouji looked at Kouichi, then looked away.

”...I’m sorry I scared you”, he said.

”I’m just glad your finally feeling good.”

”Are they still planning a surprise party?”

”Yeah”, Kouichi laughed. ”I told them not to, but Takuya insisted. You scared him pretty well too.”

”Honestly surprised he hasn’t hovered like you have.”

”He tried”, Kouichi laughed again. ”Security threw him out and he decided to just plan a party instead.”

Kousei entered the room together with a doctor, who checked Kouji over one last time before telling him he was free to leave. Kousei smiled at him.

”Ready to go?”

”Packed and ready”, Kouji answered and gestured at the bag Kouichi was holding. Kousei nodded.

”Wheelchair or crutches?”

”Eargh”, Kouji answered and pulled his hands over his face. ”Wheelchair? I don’t think I can walk that far yet.”

”Wheelchair it is”, Kousei agreed.

He helped Kouji over to it and Kouji was finally out of the hospital.

----------

”SURPRISE!” everyone called out as Kouji entered the living room.

”Oh, a surprise party. Who’d have thought?” Kouji said in an attempt to act surprised.

Takuya laughed.

”You’re a terrible liar and I’ll be having a word with Kouichi about the meaning of ’surprise’”, he said.

Kouji hobbled over to the couch and sank down, his arms already trembling. Kouichi took the crutches from him and put them to the side where they wouldn’t be in the way.

”I’ll leave you alone”, Kousei said and waved to Kouji. ”Don’t tear the house down while I’m out.”

”Where’s mom?”

”With Tomoko, I think they’re also planning a surprise party. Call me if you need me.”

”See you!”

Kousei left. Kouji put his casted leg on the table and leaned back with a sigh. His eyes teared up.

”Are you okay?” Izumi asked and sat down next to him. ”Did we already overwhelm you?”

”I’m not sad”, Kouji said and dried off his eyes, ”It just… feels weird?”

Junpei put a hand on Kouji’s head.

”We’re just gonna watch movies and eat cake. You can tell us if it gets too much.”

”I made the cake!” Tomoki told him. ”So it’s not poisoned this time.”

Takuya blushed and Kouji laughed. It was nice to be back home.

-----------

It was the third movie. Kouji was almost drifting off, Kouichi, Junpei and Tomoki were playing card games instead of watching the television and Izumi was chatting with someone on her phone. Takuya sat down next to Kouji for the first time that afternoon.

”Hey”, he said and didn’t look at Kouji.

Kouji raised an eyebrow.

”Hey?”

Takuya gripped the hem of his shirt and pulled at it.

”This is gonna sound weird, but…” Takuya scratched the back of his neck. ”...can I hold you?”

Takuya’s voice shivered. Kouji turned to look at him.

”...what?”

”It’s just…”

Takuya stared at his hands. They were trembling.

”Like in the cave”, Takuya said and his voice got quieter. ”Can I hold you like that?”

”Oh”, Kouji said as realization struck him. ”Yeah, sure. Just don’t make it awkward.”

He turned his back towards Takuya, put his legs in the couch. Takuya turned around as well, back against the armrest, and Kouji leaned against his chest. Takuya wrapped his arms around Kouji and took a shaky breath.

”I was so scared…” he whispered.

”I’m fine now”, Kouji answered.

”Yeah”, Takuya hugged him tighter. ”You’re fine now.”

Takuya was warm and Kouji drifted off against him. Everything was fine again.