#it's a lot of slamming the characters together like barbies and going now kiss <3. Which is fine!!

[rillette]

Do you have any fic recs about Hal 🥺🥺🥺 I feel like ship fics that include him aren’t even hal-centric it’s Upsetting :,(

I have a fic rec list for ya right here!! I went through and added two more today but I didnt make a whole new post bc I'm lazy <3

[realcube]

karasuno boys spending christmas with you 🎄

;tw// christmas (?), santa ig, extreme fluff, shoplifting, underage drinking, violence, ennoshita, kinoshita and narita exclusion 😞

(a/n): ik the gif isn’t hq but look how cute it is (○｀ 3′○). also i’m aware that i wrote a rather western-washed version of Christmas (despite the characters in question not being western) but as someone of an asian ethnicity, imo western traditions surrounding Christmas are a lot more..festive (?) which i hope that isn’t offensive considering that Christmas was popularised by the west. so, in short, sorry the traditions aren’t those that are celebrated in japan (or asia) but i just found it i had a lot more inspiration to write it this way. :) perhaps i’ll make a part 2 with aoba johsai or nekoma celebrating Christmas with japanese traditions

Shōyō Hinata

you spend christmas at his house bc he wants to be with his sister on the day

and any sibling that you live with, he insists that they stay over too 

but if you don’t have any younger siblings then y’all just spend the whole day spoiling natsu

hinata absolutely adores how well you get on with his sister, it just makes him so happy seeing his two favourite people having fun together 

although, it did make him a bitter when he asked natsu if she likes the doll he bought her and she said,

“Yeah, thank you. But look at the Furby (L/N) got me! It’s pink and so fluffy, feel it! And it talks, it’s eyes move and-” Then she continues to rave on about how amazing your gift was.

honestly, y’all spend the whole day pampering natsu; making sure she has the best christmas possible

y’all made gingerbread cookies with her, helped her built a snowman (or rather, a snowwoman because she insisted that it was a lady), snowangels, opening presents, christmas crackers, watching movies - the whole shabang.

probably the only time in the day were she was sad was at 10PM when hinata insisted that she goes to bed

natsu looked at you to back her up in her argument that she should be allowed to stay up late on christmas but you kinda just stood there like 🧍‍♀️/🧍‍♂️

not wanting to get involved in their family drama (unproblematic liege 😍😩)

eventually though, natsu did go to bed and as soon as she was sound asleep, you and hinata spent the night cuddling while watching more christmas movies as you were both too tired to do anything else

you ended up falling asleep in his arms and it was a christmas miracle that his arm didn’t get pins and needles like it usually did while cuddling for a long period of time

Tobio Kageyama 

i’m a firm believer that he doesn’t celebrate christmas

not that he doesn’t like the concept, it’s just doesn’t understand the hype

plus - other than going to nationals - there isn’t much he wants and from what he knows, santa can’t make that happen

but as soon as you come over to his house on christmas day with a tub filled with cookies shaped and decorated like volleyballs, suddenly christmas is his favourite holiday

he invites you inside to eat the cookies with him and you notice that he’s watching a volleyball match on the TV

you giggle at how passionate he is about about the sport and offer to cast a Christmas movie from your phone onto the TV

he says yes since this is probably the 10th time he’s rewatched the same match 

you scroll through the list of christmas movies available on Netflix, “Wanna watch Arthur Christmas?”

“No.”

“How about the Grinch?”

“Eh, no.”

“Ooh! What about the Nativity? I love that movie-”

“No thanks.”

So you ended up watching Frozen and Frozen 2 (on a different streaming site) because Kageyama didn’t like any of the Christmas movies available on Netflix

You figured that Frozen kinda counted as a Christmas movie because..there was snow :) 

anyway, you already knew Kageyama tolerated Disney Movies so Frozen was your best bet

and as it turns out, he was oddly engaged by the movie which gave you an opening to slip into his arms, stifling an evil snicker the whole time

as we all know, when Kageyama is into something he is into it.

so whenever the climax of the movie comes up (or any part with high suspense) you feel him squeeze you slightly and tense up 

AND IT IS THE MOST ADORABLE THING PERIODT 🥺😩

so yeah your christmas with him is not overly Praise The Lord but it very fun and cute since it mostly consists of Disney movies

(also Barbie: A Christmas Carol because it gave you both overwhelming nostalgia since he has a big sister who i now headcanon to be a barbie movie addict ✋)

Kei Tsukishima 

the biggest grinch™

mostly bc every year he drops hints to both his mum and brother that he wants new headphones but every year he still gets a snowglobe from his mum and something dinosaur related from his brother

even though his brother is aware that he is ‘too old for that shit’ now 

but Akiteru just loves seeing his brother’s pissed off face whenever he opens his gift (which is a similar size to a headphones box) to find something like a Jurassic Park Lego set

anyway, backstory over - in short, Tsukishima very much dislikes Christmas

So when you appear at his door with a gift, he slams the door closed

“Tsukishima!” You roar as that was quite rude - even for Tsukishima - since it was snowing and you were clearly freezing, “Let me in! I’m freezing my tits off out here!”

Eventually, he did let you in and gave you a hot chocolate as an apology but as soon as you tried to hand him the give, he refused to take it

“No.”

“Why not?” You whined, clearly upset that he wouldn’t take the gift you went through so much effort to get your hands on.

“Because I didn’t get you anything.”

You rolled your eyes, “You got me this hot chocolate - now, take it. It’s seriously not much.”

Upon eyeing the wrapped box in your hand, he realised it was about 9x9″ - the same size as the tub you usually deliver food in, meaning that the gift was probably some sweet treats

“Alright.” He sighed, accepting he gift as he figured that he could easily pay you back by making Christmas cookies with you or something

He hummed, delicately unwrapping the gift and his heart skipped a beat as he noticed the present inside was in a black box rather than a clear tub which you normally gave homemade treats in

nevertheless, he persevered in unwrapping the box 

when he finally finished, his heart dropped yet he couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed with joy

“Wireless headphones.” He muttered to himself, doing everything in his power to resist the smile tugging on the corner of his lips but it was challenging, to say the least

“Yeah!” You chirped, “Don’t worry about the price though, I got them on a Black Friday sale.” You lied, aware that it was usually considered rude to talk about the price of a gift you’ve given but knowing if you didn’t say anything, Tsukishima would assume you paid full price (which you did smh) and immediately empty his bank account in order to pay you back

You could almost envision the situation already; “Would you like it in cash or cheque?”

“Neither, Kei!” 

“You seriously got me branded headphones?” Non-imaginary Tsukishima asked, unable to pry his eyes off the long-awaited gift in his hands

“Y-Yeah.” You stuttered at his unusually sinister voice. “I wanted to buy you noise-cancelling headphones and Google said these were the best ones available that weren’t selling for millions of y--”

“I love you.”

You did a double-take, “Huh?”

“I love you.”

You did a..triple-take.. “I-I don’t think I heard you correctly.”

“I’m not saying it again, dumbass.”

now, tsukishima wasn’t a very affectionate person but considering you paid full price for headphones (yes, he knows. you’re not a very good liar 😐) for him, the least you deserved was forehead kisses 

plus, he was determined to make you as happy as you made him that day

so can get all the kisses you want, all the hugs, all the cuddles, all the smiles, all the cookies-  everything!

but that’s not to say that he’s not going to get you anything in return as subtly through the day he was gathering info on what to get you 

by the end of it, he had a whole list but unfortunately - after looking at his bank account - he realised that the only thing he could afford was an easy-bake oven (┬┬﹏┬┬)

Tadashi Yamaguchi

y’all spent Christmas at your house because Yamaguchi was absolutely entranced by your massive Christmas tree

he also slept over because you both wanted experience the Christmas morning buzz together 

also because your parents were working on Christmas day and Yamaguchi didn’t want you to be alone 🥺

(he didn’t tell you that though as he didn’t want you to think that he felt bad for you or anything)

after you both completed you morning routines, you raced downstairs (quite literally raced; you won.) to open the presents

the milk and cookies you both hand left out for ‘Santa’ was gone because your parents chugged the milk and scarfed the cookies before they left for work

“Open the presents I got you first!” You urged Yamaguchi, pointing to the two presents wrapped in Sanrio wrapping paper

 Yamaguchi did so; sitting on the floor cross-legged to open the larger, box-shaped gift first

“Candy!” He chirped with a smile, gently shifting through the selection of sweets you got him, his grin stretching as he did so and once he was finished, it was beaming ear-to-ear. “You know me so well, thank you so much, (L/N).” 

You giggled, a light blush crossing your features at the praise - then motioning to the second, smaller, thinner gift.

Yamaguchi accidently tore the wrapping paper off to reveal basic, charcoal face masks.

You quickly interjected to explain, “You said that you were embarrassed about how the animal-themed face masks your mum bought you were too childish and that they just made your skin more oily so bought you those; less embarrassing and supposedly good for oily skin.”

Yamaguchi’s heart fluttered upon hearing how much attention you paid during his random rants, “Thank you, babe!” He enthused, hugging the mask to his chest.

After that, you opened the gift he bought you and were over the moon when you realised that it was a box full of adorable stationary 

“I noticed how you kept complaining about your pens running out of ink during class and..yeah..I hope you like it..”

You obviously loved it and expressed that by giving him a big bear hug and many kisses (づ￣ 3￣)づ (*≧︶≦))

By then, it was around Midday so you had time to play in the snow for a bit before Yamaguchi had to go home to spend the rest of Christmas with his family

but of course he came back on Boxing Day to binge watch movies and cuddle with you 🥰

Daichi Sawamura

okay; I am going to say this and you aren’t going to argue with me bc I know that I’m right:

if you have any younger siblings or cousins staying in your house for Christmas (and I mean younger like 5 or less) and the kid isn’t a little shit

daichi (with your assistance) will dress up as Santa and you will dress up as an elf to surprise the child with a visit 

daichi would be like ‘ho ho ho!’ and you’d be like ‘shut up, santa, you fatass.’ 

and the kid would be like ✪ ω ✪

y’all would take pictures and shit before santa dips 🚶‍♂️🛷

after that, you both would head back to his place to celebrate a kid-free christmas 

you don’t open gifts because you both mutually agreed not to get anything for each other this year since you had ‘grown out of presents’ (tsk).

but you did get a RingFit Adventure from one for your relatives for Christmas so you and Daichi spend an hour or two playing that 

it’s surprisingly taxing though so you’re both puffed afterwards

so you decided to make spaghetti for yourself and Daichi and a Christmas miracle occurred..he got off of his ass to help you cook 🤩

usually he’d hide his fear off fucking up under toxic masculinity but today he actually let you teach him how to make food and he was a natural chef tbh

however, his habit of grabbing your ass or holding your lower back wasn’t especially helpful while he had tomato sauce all over his hands

you changed into a different pair of bottoms as the spaghetti cooled down

then, a second Christmas miracle occurred

Daichi gave you both permission to eat in the living room, on the couch, so y’all could watch a movie or something as you ate

every other day of the year, daichi would have to be killed before he let anybody eat in the living room - forget on his new couch 

but today was a special so he let it slide

originally, the plan was to watch a Christmas movie but then you noticed that a new episode of y’alls favourite show was out - House Hunters - so you just watched that instead 

hey, it made you both happy so why not?

especially with daichi’s running commentary which you outwardly expressed annoyance to but internally loved

“Andromeda will never be Suzanne, rest easy.”

“That house is so ugly, next.”

“Why’s their budget so low? May as well just buy a caravan.”

“They are so fucking picky.”

“Her face annoys me.”

IT LIKE HIS ALTER-EGO IT’S AMAZING

anyway, merry christmas to the daichi stans and that is from me, not daichi - he actually forgot it was Christmas at noon

Kōshi Sugawara

SUGA IS DOMESTIC LIKE DAICHI BUT MAKE IT ❄ FESTIVE❄

y’all bake christmas cookies together, exchanges small gifts, bake carrot cake, watch The Polar Express, bake pudding, kiss under the mistletoe, bake-- yeah, there was a lot of baking

get ready to work out twice as much and start dieting if you don’t want to develop an illness due to the amount of sugar you consumed

to be honest, Suga was kinda lost for things to do on the actual day of Christmas bc y’all were so hyped preparing for it so he had no idea how to top that

I mean, you both went on romantic, late night car drives to buy a tree

cute couple trips to the store to purchase decorations 

planning out and putting the decorations around the house (and with both of your keen eyes for design, the house ends up looking gorgeous ofc)

you ornamented the tree in his living room but it was so tall that he couldn’t reach the very tip to put the final decoration on top

so you hopped onto his shoulders and stuck the star on top with a smile

but he wasn’t done with you yet, he rushed around the house with you on his shoulders while you clung onto his hair as if your life depended on it 

he did most of the festivities with you before Christmas but he saved one special one for the day

“(Y/N), let’s bake something.” 

You sighed, shooting him a weary smile, “Suga, we’ve been baking all day.”

“Just one last thing! It’s not even baking actually, more like assembling.”

You quirked an eyebrow at his statement, “Hm? What is it?”

“Let’s make our dream houses with gingerbread!”

Of course you agreed. Not just because he is the cutest thing you’ve ever laid your eyes on but also since it sounded rather fun

“What are those?” You pointed to the weird rectangular designs on the roof of his house

“Solar panels.” He hummed, elegantly icing the sides of his house, “I want my future house run on that energy.”

“Anyway, what’ve you got on your house?” Finishing off the final swirl on his door, he turned to look at your gingerbread home and deadpanned 

A sheepish grin formed on your lips as you noticed his blank expression towards your ‘dream home’ which has walls garnished with golden, edible glitter and sugar paper sanrio characters on the roof along with many other extremely unconventional things 

“Hey,” you shrugged, “Let me have my dreams.”

“Of course,” Suga agreed, his usual sweet smile returning, “Although, in an ideal world, I thought we’d end up living together and starting a family. However, I don’t think we can do that if you planning on putting a horse head on our front door.”

“IT WAS JUST LYING THERE, KŌSHI! IF ANYTHING IT’S YOUR FAULT FOR GIVING ME ACCESS TO A MARZIPAN HORSE!”

“I DIDN’T THINK THAT YOU’D DECAPITATE IT, (Y/N)! I THOUGHT YOU’D USE IT FOR A STABLE OR FARM OR SOMETHING!”

“YOU SHOULD KNOW ME BETTER THAN THAT!”

Asahi Azumane 

you both spent christmas day in your respective households, promising each other that you’d spend boxing day together 

until around 7PM when you had to come over to his house bc he called you, extremely puzzled at the fact that random mutuals from school (and the whole volleyball team) were on his instagram page, facebook, snapchat and any/every other social media platform wishing him a happy birthday

“I don’t get it.” He spoke through the phone, confusion and anxiety apparent in his voice, “My birthday isn’t for another six days. Why do they think it is today? Is this a joke?” 

“Uh, can I come over? I’d love to see you.” 

“Um, sure.” He replied, even more confused that you didn’t answer his question and instead asking one yourself

you spent the rest of the day with him, trying your very best to distract him from social media by doing various activities 

you both baked, watched movies, played board games (he’s a beast at battleships) then you moved on to other games like charades - basically every bs excuse you could come up with to get him to stay away from his phone

but that’s not to say you didn’t enjoy every second of it bc you did

he is so cute like whenever you are doing an action which he can’t interpret, his automatic guess is ‘are my beautiful gf (Y/N) (L/N) who i love very much? (= ❛ ᴗ ❛=)’

PRECIOUS 💓 

and then you are just like, ‘yes, i am, baby. but i am also optimum prime. your turn.’

anyway, by the end of the day there was no way you were able to prevent him from finding out about the joke now

so you just decided to tell him - figuring that it’d be better for him to hear it from you rather than someone else

“See.. y’know how jesus was allegedly born on christmas day? well, the joke is that..you kinda look like what people assume jesus would’ve looked like..”

Asahi had to do a double-take at what you just said, “Th-they..think I look like jesus?”

“yeah.”

Ryūnosuke Tanaka

you’re both broke af so you spend Christmas day pretending you are a rich couple

you slept over at his house too so you could start early in the morning and by that I mean 10:30AM

firstly, you and tanaka flick through an Argos catalogue (which you found on the ground, so there were a few mud stains on it 😶) to select the gift(s) you were going to buy for your ‘children’

but really it was just you and him going through it and circling all the toys y’all wanted as kids but couldn’t afford/didn’t get

“I super badly wanted one of those kiddie monster trucks that you could control with a remote as a child so my son is going to need one of those.” Tanaka said, circling the monster truck with a marker

“Yes, of course. And I asked for Monster High dolls every year as a kid but my parents said they were everything god hates so let’s buy that because we stan satan in this house, apparently .”

“Of course, of course.” He said in his best ‘rich person’ voice which was actually just an english accent

After resenting your parents for around an hour, you both moved onto the next activity of your rich person Christmas which included reading your horoscope in an english accent

that only lasted a few minutes though because both of you couldn’t be bothered to read

you also planned to look at the stock market (just like all rich people do on christmas day, obvs) but it was so boring

you took a glance then just went ‘okay, bye.’

next, you had caviar - just like rich people eat for every meal of the day, i think.

except it was actually black pop rocks  

“ah, yes. scrumptious.” “the flavour is immaculate.” 

then, as dawn drew close, you and tanaka preformed your final rich person activity 

no, it wasn’t being rude to minimum wage workers

no, it wasn’t being ungrateful

no, it wasn’t exploiting the working class under capitalism

no, it wasn’t being generally stuck-up and cocky

instead, it was going to the grocery shop and buying everything rather than shoplifting :)

“what should we get, babe?” you asked tanaka, in awe at how many different brands of toilet paper were on the shelves. “Have you ever noticed how spoiled we are for choice when it comes to toilet paper?”

“uh, no.” he replied in reference to the toilet paper question, “Hm, how about some gingerbread men or something?”

his suggestion was just met by a blank stare and silence

“JUST KIDDING! WE’RE TOTALLY BUYING BOOZE!”

“Hell yeah!” 

luckily, because tanaka looked a lot older than 17 and also since the cashier was too tired to check his ID, you both managed to buy the drinks without getting caught

“Merry Christmas, Ryū.” You hummed, fidgeting with his hand which was interlocked with yours as you walked through a rather prestigious neighbourhood and admired all the extravagant christmas lights

“Merry Christmas, (Y/N). Love you.”

Yū Nishinoya 

you and noya spent the whole day in his backyard and since it was a white christmas, you were able to spend the 90% playing in the snow

at first, you both went outside with the intention of making snowangels and taking cute couple photos in the snow 

but the weather was just so inviting that you had to stay for a little longer even when you did finish taking pictures; so you made the ‘ultimate’ snowman  

by that, it was just the biggest snowman y’all could make without it falling apart with stones for eyes, spiking out twigs for hair and an empty Monster Energy can for a nose 

once you had completed the snowman and basked in it’s glory for a moment, you went to head inside - but then you felt something hit your back

you turned around to see noya snickering, a mischievous grin on his face which you couldn’t stand

so what started out as him playfully throwing a snowball at your back, eventually turned into a full-on snowball battle to the death

there were snow forts, piles of snow ammunition, mini snow-warriors guarding the edges of your fort, a snow-princess which you were trying to steal from each other’s fort to win (basically like capture the flag but colder..) and a few brunch bars in the middle of the battle field for snack breaks 

it was all going smoothly until Noya ran up to your base, obviously with the intention to steal your princess 

“stay away from her, you fiend!” You yelled, jumping into an offensive stance - your neighbours must hate you bc of all the noise you and Noya made.

Noya screaming his battle cry as he rushed towards your fort, batista bombing you to the ground before you had a chance to attack him with a snowball

now that you were out of the equation, he scurried over to your princess which was perches on a little snow podium you made for her

he grabbed it, lifting it above his head like a trophy and letting out a loud victory cry “I win!”

he then turned to you and laughed upon noticing that you had your face buried into the snow in shame, “You have been defeated, (L/N)! And the great Rolling Thunder prospers!” 

“That’s a stupid nickname.” You groaned, outstretching your arms to allow him to pick you up, “Now take me inside, I’m tired.”

“Alright, babe.” He spoke softly, seemingly coming down from his adrenaline high. 

He strolled towards you, scooping you up into his arms - off the snow - and carrying you inside

unbeknownst to him, you had fallen asleep as he held you and once he put you down on the couch and noticed- i- my man almost died of happiness

“Oh my god, (Y/N)! You’re so fucking cute! (❤´艸｀❤)” he hollered, peppering your face in kisses

“Shhh..” you hushed Noya, sticking your bottom lip out to form a pout 

Noya nodded understandingly before hopping onto the couch beside you and snuggling up 

[alexisxgrover]

task #21: meet the muns

PEAR - favourite muse?

I have a muse I really miss from another rpg that is no longer with us. But her name was Karla, I used and Ana De Armas fc for her and she was a single mom from Mexico but was making things work and trying to go back to school. I loved playing her, and I have taken elements of her character and applied them to Blanca.  I am a Latina myself so I really love getting an opportunity to kind of explore my own experience in my characters. Also I’m all about under used and poc fc, I think the rpg community deserves some diversity. 

PEACH - least favourite muse?

I love her and I mean the only reason I say this is because she can be the most fickle muse and that is Ruby. I also have had a people misinterpret her in the past. She is just shy and guarded so when she comes across as rude it isn’t because she is evil. She just isn’t sure of people she doesn’t know well. 

APPLE - first muse?

Ever? I used to have an character named Dylan, I used an Elle Fanning FC. She was a sweetie, a human who wanted to become a fairy. I sometimes wonder what she would be up to now a days. 

BANANA - oldest muse?

Honestly I think Kit is my oldest muse, and she is only 102! 

ORANGE - youngest muse?

Dylan. 

TOMATO - least used muse?

Oooohhhh Sugar, she was here so briefly! I SHOULD HAVE USED HER MORE! Maybe someday I’ll get a unicorn....someday.

POTATO - most used muse?

I used Karla in probably 3 rpgs. 

EGGPLANT - most sexual muse?

Oh Kit, by a mile. I didn’t know she was as naughty as she is but then I got her here and was like AYE OH!!!!!

GRAPE - most innocent muse

Of my current muses, Devon. I don’t think she has even kissed anyone. 

ONION - most emotional muse?

Blanca, she has a temper. 

BROCCOLI - muse most likely to moan the wrong name?

I don’t think any of my girls would do that. They are pretty involved when they are with someone. 

CARROT - clumsiest muse?

Devon, just because she is so stiff sometimes. 

ASPARAGUS - strongest muse?

Ruby, she would slam you down if you pissed her off. 

TURNIP - most damaged muse?

Alexis, it is why she has such a hard time sharing her feelings and telling someone she loves them when we all know she does. 

SQUASH - a muse you’d date in real life?

I mean all of them, but I feel like I would have the best relationship with either Ruby or Alexis. 

PUMPKIN - a muse you’d hate in real life?

Alexis would probably frustrate me most. 

MELON - muse whos the most fun while drunk?

Kit, and knowing me and her I’d BET we would make out. 

LEMON - muse who would be the least fun at a party?

Ruby, people scare her. 

LIME - a fc you’re a sucker for?

Lili Reinhart, Vanessa Morgan, Ana De Armas, Barbie Ferrera, Halsey, Iskra Lawrence, Diane Guerrero, Helen Mirren. 

CHERRY - favourite pair of fcs to put together?

I like unusual pairings in general. I’m not super into face shipping or shipping your characters because they have been in a tv/show together. I feel like that is predictable. I am more interested in characters chemistry. 

CRANBERRY - number of muses?

In this rpg, I have 5. Over my lifetime? Oh gosh I don’t know how many! 

PEPPER - favourite plot for your favourite muse?

I’m a sucker for friendship plots. I love platonic friendships or complex friendships. Family plots can also be a lot of fun. I also like a slow burn or a long drawn out romance if two characters have chemistry, it is a lot more fun for me to take time and let their relationship build and breath. 

[lil-avatar]

The twentygayflexfitteen vibe is strong (AKA Korra fitness post #7)

Okay soooooo

Ive been going to dance classes for a while now. I hadn’t danced in about 4 years professionally so like I was kind of nervous? But dance classes have changed a lot since then. This place is super casual and friendly, it’s almost like another fit fam, we get together, learn some stuff, perform - it’s really rad.

Basicalllllly the lesson began, and a bunch of us are learning the Curious dance from the Hayley Kiyoko music video - you want good cardio check that out, it’s fun as heck and dancing is great for learning to manage breathing while using all your muscles.

Anyway this girl in my class, I have a huge crush on her. She’s freaking perfect, just like “hoo Lordy I’m getting the sapphic vapors” kind of girl. We joke around a lot and there’s a lot of like yknow arm touching and kind of cuddles (hard to snuggle up when you’re both sweaty as hell) buttttt the useless lesbian stereotype rings true. We weren’t doing shit about it (I know you guys would be like slapping my face like MAKE A MOVE DUMMY)

So we did our Hayley Kiyoko thang which is great (and I kind of want the whole fitness fam to have a go?? @thewillowtree3 do it lol)

BUT here’s where it gets wild.

So basically every other week we get assigned a dance style, yknow hip hop, jazz, modern, etc but we have to keep it a secret. I dunno why, but it makes it so much more fun. Well this week I had been given... magic mike. JESUS CHRIST I thought, I wasn’t nervous for the dance itself - I used to do this kind of dance all the time. I was nervous simply because she was there. She was gonna see my moves and well...

I’m really fucking stubborn at challenges. If I was gonna go down, it was gonna be in a huge display of fireworks and gay. No shame baby.

So yesterday was the big day. I had my song picked (Pony by Ginuwine because Project Voicebend amirite) we had cooled down after Curious and how it works is the DJ will start playing someone’s song - we will all be on the outside of the performance space waiting. No one knows who’s turn it is. It makes it fun when you hear a song like “Barbie Girl” and a hulking 6’6” dude leaps forward and werks. (A real thing that happened)

So we’re all standing and like 3-4 songs later Pony starts. I’m standing next to my girl and she goes “oh my god it’s Magic Mike’s turn” and I laugh and shrug, looking around - pretending it’s not me.

Finally the moment comes.

I start walking forward, but like yknow... A magic Mike walk, slow and deliberate, peeling off my jacket. She was behind me but I heard an audible “NO WAY”.

So I started, I really just fucking went for it. I’m talking crawling on the floor, hair flips, splits. One thing you probably all know about me is I’m a huge ham, it’s even worse on stage. NO SHAME BABY.

So the whole time I was kind of deliberately interacting with other dance members, ignoring the cutest girl in the room was hard as heck. I glanced over once and saw her biting her finger so yknow, seemed to be going well lollll

Finally I’m towards the end of my number, time for the big guns. I grab a chair from the wall and slam it down. Time to make a move or die trying.

I walked towards my girl (still totally in character mind you) and took her hand. God damn it was warm, she was like radiating heat. ‘Good sign?’ I had hoped

Here goes nothing, I lightly pushed her into the chair, she kind of fell into it like a rag doll lol, like she was just completely dazed. But her eyes didn’t leave mine. At least they didn’t until I lifted my leg up on her shoulder and basically did a split across her body. Yknow, it’s super casual, this is normal, this is casual.

If I said remembered every detail from there I’d be lying. I remember her rosy cheeks, I remembered telling myself to stop looking at her lips and focus.

Funnily enough I just kind of improved at the end. I don’t remember how but at some point I ended up in her lap facing her, arms linked around her neck and shoulders. She was breathing heavy and I joked “bitch I’m the one doing all the work”

The sond ended and even though I REALLY wanted to, I didn’t kiss her. I don’t want to push it yknow? I’d want her to be totally cool with it, so I wasn’t gonna be like “hey kiss me in front of all these people lol”

I was kind of swarmed by my guy friends at the end and she was swarmed by the girls. By the time I separated from the cluster of hi fives and hair ruffles the next song had started.

Once a song has started you can’t move from your spot, so I spent the next 3 minutes in agony waiting, we’d meet each other’s gaze and kind of awkwardly smirk like “holy shit I just grinded on you didn’t I”

So the song ended and I shuffled over, we kind of laughed and didn’t know what to say? It was like we’d open our mouths and only quiet breathy giggles would come out. Eventually I just put my arm around her and we enjoyed the rest of the dances. (Well pretended to enjoy, I was just focused on the way her body heat radiated into my arm as well as trying not to just like pass out because I was riding this crazy adrenaline high)

Anyway class ended, we kind of lingered back so I could walk her alone to her car. Again we still hadn’t spoke but it wasn’t uncomfortable silence. I know I had a stupid grin and it got worse when she grabbed my hand. I thought my face would explode.

She packed her stuff and closed her car door, opened the drivers side and turned to face me. More giggles and blushing.

I finally got the guts (and got my tongue to work) and asked if I could kiss her. She bit her lip and as I was about to say “it’s okay if not, I figured I’d just ask first” she shut me up real quick by ... well yknow.

I unfortunately can’t post a video because a) I don’t have permission of this awesome girl, and b) I don’t want any one finding my blog lol.

I gotta go to work now but holy cow - #twentygayflexfitteen is real. I wouldn’t have ANY confidence to do this if not for my fit fam. All I can say is - just go for it my little useless lesbians. Be brave, do something stupid and wild that makes you laugh. Be the real you. The gay will follow.

There you go @somonebeatmetoit I did it ❤️✨🌈

[indirasinnerbeauty]

To The Boy I Didn’t Love (But Thought I Did)

Disclaimer: If the people being talked about happen to read this, I’m omitting names in order to protect your identity and privacy. This isn’t meant to bash anybody. This is extremely difficult for me to write and post. I am telling my truth because I am trying to empower young girls in a way that I was not, but wish I was.

I’ve only ever loved one boy. At least, I thought I loved him, in the moment. Little did I know our relationship would be a walk through hell. I haven’t ever been in a serious relationship, except for this one where I thought I loved the guy (if you can even call it a relationship because we “broke up” every 4.5 seconds). I’ve dated a couple of guys after the one that I thought I loved. Those ended quickly. I really didn’t give those guys a chance, though. After this guy, I didn’t open myself up to any of the guys that showed interest in pursuing something with me. I’d go on a date or two, tops 3, and find some stupid reason to end things or get really distant. I was left with an enormous fear of getting my heart broken the way that “first love” guy did.

I guess we can start with this “love.” I’m the kind of person who loves with my entire heart and being. I am like this with my family and friends, and I was like this with this guy. It all started at the end of my freshman year of high school. It started badly, in a dramatic high school fiasco kind of way. I would never start a relationship, of any sort, like that again. But, I really liked him. I was blind to a lot of what I was doing. We did a lot of breaking up and getting back together. During these breaks, usually initiated by me, I would block his phone number and avoid eye contact with him at school – only to go cry about it the second he was out of sight. Eventually, I would unblock his number, text him a long message about why I missed him, and ask him to be my boyfriend again. He’d say yes, and it was all fine until the next fight. This is why I hate sending long text messages now. Thinking back to this time, my extremely low self-esteem makes me cringe. Who would have thought that a few years later I’d be writing a blog about self-empowerment?.The thing about our breaks were that I would be sulking about him, eating my bodyweight in Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, but he would be messing around with other girls. The whole Ross and Rachel “we were on a break” situation in Friends hits home. While Ross and Rachel were on a break, Ross, in order to show his love and commitment to Rachel, should have respected her enough not to hook up with someone else. They were on a break, not done forever. If you haven’t seen Friends, 1) go watch it right now, 2) sorry for the spoiler, but the show has SO much more to it than this incident. Anyway, I love Friends, but this is about me spilling my guts to my readers, not obsessing over the show. Lover boy would mess around with other girls, girls who happened to be my friends, while we were on breaks. I liked to think that it was because I wasn’t giving him what he wanted from mr physically. While that was most likely true, he also did this because he never really respected me. While that’s his fault, part of the blame in this situation would have to be mine. I allowed him to treat me as poorly as I treated myself. I had the lowest self-esteem in the entire world. I thought I was an ugly, stupid, worthless piece of garbage. It saddens me that I once chose to live at war with myself. I let him tell me who I should be because I didn’t know who I wanted to be.

You are probably thinking, why did she stay with this guy? Because (I thought) I loved him. I wanted to tell him every part of my day, and I wanted to hear about his. I wanted to make him smile and laugh. I wanted him to be happy. I wanted him to be happy with me. I trusted him enough to show him parts of my being that I hated. I found comfort in silence when he was around. When he held my hand, I felt this unique sense of joy and warmth. I was a blind girl. Writing these sentences, again, makes me cringe. Not because I have this deep hatred towards this guy (I did for a while, but I’ve mostly gotten past it), but because I was searching for love from him to replace the love I didn’t have for myself.

One day that comes to mind is that of our sophomore school pictures. I was on the tennis team that fall, and he was on the soccer team. Our outdoor after-school practices got cancelled on that day because the heat index was too high for us to practice outdoors. While we were waiting for our rides home, him and I talked at my locker. He was really mad at me because I had asked another guy for help with chemistry homework rather than him. We were fighting, and I went from yelling to crying in a matter of two minutes. I remember the red dress I was wearing that day. It was sleeveless and had silver bubble-studs on it. My hair was naturally curly and I actually felt a little bit pretty that day for the first time in a really long while (I had crazy negative self image issues at that time, the epitome of my barbie phase). This freshman that we knew from marching band saw me at my locker and ran up to give me a hug. This kid was very nice, but a bit of a strong character. I’ve learned to love these strong characters because they are unapologetically true to themselves. I aspire to be like that. Anyways, he came up to me and told me I looked beautiful and that my dress was also beautiful. He noticed that I was crying and not really responding to him. He hugged me again as more tears fell down my face, and said, turning toward my boyfriend, “Is this guy bothering you? Do I need to have a word with him?” This was a sweet gesture on this kid’s behalf to want to protect me, but I politely declined. My boyfriend didn’t do a very good job at hiding the fact that he was laughing at the kid, and as soon as the kid left, he broke out into intense laughter. I slammed my locker door shut and walked away. About a week later, we were back together. My tennis friends and I would slack off at practice watching him play on game days. The field he played on was (not-so) conveniently right by the tennis courts. When he got a water break on one particular day, he saw my teammates and I and blew me a kiss and then pointed at me and winked. My teammates thought we were “total relationship goals,” which is the saddest thing ever to me. From the outside, in that moment, it looked cute and sweet. But that relationship was anything but that..This story makes me so thankful for the 180 degree growth that I’ve had in the four years that have passed since that moment, and the two and a half years that have passed since being with him. I would never let a guy talk down to me like that or try to manipulate who I get to be friends with, or even who I get to interact with. I would never stand by and let somebody laugh at another person maliciously like that. I would never let a stupid gesture like blowing a kiss make me forget about all of the bad stuff. I would never let watching a guy stop me from doing what I want to do, or love to do. It isn’t about tennis and soccer, it’s about the fact that I looked at him like he was the best thing in the world. He was on a pedestal in my mind with a halo around his blonde curls.

Let me tell you some of the best things in the world: my mom’s hugs, my niece’s laugh, and any song by Adele. Let me tell you some of the things in the world that are not the best: high school boys.

This post isn’t just a “let’s crap on the ex boyfriend,” kind of thing, though. I was at a really bad place in my life while we were together. I was dealing with a mental illness that I was desperately trying to convince myself that I didn’t have. Depression is difficult, and my situation was difficult. I was angry at the world, and I was angry at everything. I took a lot of anger out on this guy, because I thought I had a legitimate reason to dump it all on him – he didn’t respect me the way that he should have, and he messed around with other girls when we were on a break. While, it sucks that he didn’t treat me well, I need to acknowledge two things. It is 100% his fault that he treated me poorly, but it is my fault that I didn’t walk away from it for so long. It is my fault that I forgave him so many times; actually, that I forgave him at all. However, he didn’t deserve this extreme amount of anger I would dump on him that wasn’t even because of him. He didn’t need to go through that. It was my battle to fight, and my anger to work through. I shouldn’t have taken out that anger on him. I shouldn’t have tried to use confrontations with him as a way to find my empowerment. I was right to be angry at him when he did something that angered me, but not when I was mad at the world and he hadn’t done anything to me at the time. I realized that, how I went through depression, and I went through being hurt by him, he went through being hurt by me and my actions also affected him in a way that he didn’t rightfully deserve. I went through depression, he went through storm Indira. I’m not calling him a saint, by any means; he did a lot of crappy things. But, as an adult, I look back and see that I wasn’t a saint either and the forest-fire of a relationship that we had was both of our faults. Realizing that, after all of this time, helped me heal. I forgive myself. I also forgive him. This experience helped build me into the empowered individual that I am today.

It’s terrifying because I didn’t want to be with him any less when he hurt me. I guess I haven’t been in a relationship since him because I’m scared of getting to that place with someone else and getting hurt the way I did with him. He started dating another girl very quickly after we finally called it quits. When he broke up with that girl, he started dating another girl right away. That’s his life, and I am no one to judge him now, just like he is no one to judge me and my decisions. We go to the same university, and it’s a big place, but we still run into each other from time to time. A lot of times I look away, and so does he. It’s just easier that way. Sometimes one of us says “hey,” and the other reciprocates, but neither of us stops walking and that’s the end of that. I don’t really think of him too much, except for when I see him or when I hear Bon Jovi. I unfriended him on Facebook and unfollowed him on Twitter; not because I hate him, but I don’t need to see it and I don’t need to contact him, so there’s no point in being connected via social media. It’s so weird though, we treat each other like mere acquaintances, but we knew each other extremely well. I’ve grown so much in the time since we’ve been together, enough that he doesn’t really know me anymore. He only knows who I used to be. I only know who he used to be too.The world works in funny ways..I don’t miss him, I also don’t hate him anymore. I’ve accepted that he is a chapter in my past, and while I’m over him, I’m still getting over the damage that relationship did to my ability to trust and be vulnerable with people I date. I learned that devotion is not love. I learned that absolutely nobody gets to talk down to me or make me feel small. I have found a voice in realizing that I am a good person and I deserve only the best. I have found love for myself in my writing and in the way I treat the people who I love. I love that I have the gift to be able to be so open about my mistakes in order to try to help and empower other people. I have grown into a brand new person than that girl in the red dress. I donated that red dress to Goodwill when we broke up. I hope somebody can make better memories in it than the ones I did.

The moral of this story is that you are the decision-maker in terms of everything that happens in your life. You can choose who you let into your heart. You can choose to stand up for yourself and what you believe to be right. You can choose to walk away from what no longer serves you. You can choose to not forgive somebody if their actions deeply hurt or anger you. You can choose to stop loving somebody after they hurt you. I have grown into a new person with pretty good self-esteem, and an empowered mindset. I have grown a strength that is undeniable and always ready to go. I will never let somebody treat me the way that this boy did, and I will also not let myself treat anybody the way that I treated this boy. I have grown, I have learned, I have coped, and I have overcome. I accepted the fact that I have clinical (biological) depression, and I have gotten to a place where it is pretty well under control. I have walked away from friendships that were hurting me or holding me back. I have worked so hard towards achieving my goals. I put all of my energy into bettering and satisfying myself. It’s amazing how taking care of yourself and loving yourself can completely change you as a person.

I will never go back to being pushed around like I was 4 years ago. I’m a brand new me.

.One day I want to fall in love. I want to find a partner who loves me, respects me, empowers me, and makes me happy. I want to do the same things for him. But I don’t want this for a good while. I want several years still to continue growing and establishing this new and empowered version of myself. I will always work on improving and empowering myself until I’m in a grave. But, for the next several years, I want to continue being selfish about it, the way that I have been for about a year now..I’m going to end this gut-spilling post by inserting some quotes from a song that I think really relates to this situation, “Love Me More,” by Maggie Rose. It’s all about loving yourself first, and loving yourself enough to stand up to people who are hurting you, even if you love them. I saw Maggie live in Chicago in May when she opened for Hunter Hayes. She’s an excellent performer. I highly recommend you check out the song here. Now, here are some lyrics that really resonate with me.

“Ignoring your call,

Cause hearing your voice would only make me feel small.

I couldn’t be who told me to be.”

“I’m gonna do whatever it takes to get living again,

But I’m back in my skin.

Every mistake I’m owning it.

I’m making sure I’m who I’m doing this for.”

“But you never tried to know me like this.

I was losing myself until you lost me.

I’m not gonna hide.

My light’s way too bright.”

Sending love and strength to you all, my lovely readers/friends..If you are in a relationship right now that sounds anything like the one that I talked about today, please get out of it. It is toxic. You can and will move on to better things. Your light is way too bright to be covered by somebody who doesn’t even see it. t hope this story served as an inspiration for you. I got out, did some thinking, and realized how much better than all of that I am. I am empowered, I am no longer lost and insecure the way that I was with him. I no longer take orders or ask for permission to be who I want to be.

I deserve love, and so do you. The best kind, though, comes from within yourself. Find that before anything.

Love and courage,

Indira

[artificialqueens]

This could happen 2/3 (Trixya) - Toki

[Part 1]

AN: Thanks for the love! As requested, here’s a shorter part 2 of a now 3-part one shot real life Trixya. This was a lot of fun to write. Final part on its way.

LUNCH MENU

Burger $9 Bun, patty, two slices of Monterey Jack, salad cream

Chicken Wrap $8 Tortilla wrap, chicken strips, lettuce, salad cream

Salad $7 Lettuce, tomatoes, salad cream

“Salad please. Hold the salad cream. Do you have any olive oil?” The waitress shook her head silently. She was probably 45, wearing a shirt that read a distorted ‘78’ dragged down tight over a pair of acid-washed jeans with rips in the knees. Trixie glanced down. Biscuit heel. The waitress snapped her gum. “We’ve got salt.” Salty salad. “Just the lettuce and tomatoes. And a coffee.” “Sure hon. Do you want it cold for 50 cents more?” Hot salty salad. “Uh.. yeah, is cold lettuce extra?” “The coffee hon. We do iced coffee.” Oh duh. “Oh yeah. No. Hot coffee, cold salad. Thanks.” Trixie slid down in her seat. It’d been a long morning. She’d spent the last five hours since that early and utterly confusing sunrise moment in her bed, deep in thought. As predicted, Katya hadn’t returned. She’d opted to sit up front with the driver and shoot the shit in her trademark goofball way, snatches of conversation floating back to Trixie from time to time. She’d heard the rest of the bus’s occupants gradually emerge one by one through the drive, bleary-eyed and groaning with heads clutched or sprightly and serene depending on their alcohol intake the night before. And Trixie had pulled out her guitar from her tightly packed locker by the tables, thumbed some quiet notes into the well-worn grooves along her fingers, had written a little melody that floated around her tongue as she hummed it softly, pulling it out from somewhere new in her mind. It felt like she was committing the memory of Katya’s skin from fingertips to strings, translating wordless meaning into the soft twangs of chords that filled up her warm chest. The driver had called out a lunch stop and they’d pulled into this tiny roadside dustbowl cafe with your typical creaking metal sign swinging from the rusty postbox and hot fucking salty salad on the menu.

The other queens were making their choice between nameless patty burger and salad cream chicken. No one was exactly thrilled. Apart from Katya, who was roaring out the punchline to a joke with a smile so wide her eyes were shut. Aja had both fists crammed under her chin and Violet was squeezed in between them, shaking one finger at Katya’s mirth. “No, bitch! No, bitch! You don’t even know!” How were they always so loud? Trixie glanced across at Max, who had ordered the salad and was now staring absentmindedly out of the window. There was zero cell reception and her book was probably still on the bus. “Hey Max.” “Mmm?” Trixie had always found it a little awkward making conversation with the typically silver-wigged queen. They’d known of each other in college, had run in fairly similar circles and had both dabbled in drag. A few Facebook comments, brief drunk hugs at gigs. That was where the friendship had rested, right until they ran into each other in the Drag Race dressing room. Trixie had better makeup, Max had a faux British accent, both were trying to forget they came from Wisconsin. “Do you remember that girl from college with the pink hair? The one who used to work at Applebees?” “Sure, Alexandra.” “I ran into her at Hamburger Mary’s the other day.” Max shifted in her seat. “Oh, how is she?” “She’s fine. She used to be your friend, right?” “Yeah, we did a few classes together. Never really spoke that much though.” “Funny how people reunite later in life.” “Yeah.” The conversation died, but it had never really begun. Trixie just wanted to drown out how Violet was screaming Katya’s name through breathless howls of laughter. Michelle slammed her phone down on the table and leaned into the conversation. “Jesus Christ, you’re worse than my kids. Shut up, settle down, breathe. I have a headache worse than every time I never wanted to fuck someone put together.” Katya turned to Michelle with a wide smile, undaunted. “Just like Trixie, mama!” Trixie snapped back into the conversation. “What?” Katya grinned at her. “I’ve been trying to bed this bitch for years. It’s always some excuse. She’s got a headache. She’s just done her face. She’s not attracted to me.” Don’t finish that thought. Don’t tell anyone. Michelle laughed, enjoying Trixie’s obvious discomfort. Violet leaned forward, linking arms with Katya for about the twentieth time that day. “I was easy though, girl. You just had to be in the same room as me.” “Yeah, but you’re a whore.” Trixie’s sudden snap was a little too real. Violet shrugged it off easily, not even glancing away from the side of Katya’s face. “Guilty. This bitch can wear a pigsuit. I mean not wear it.” She leaned closer to Katya’s ear. “I still have that by the way.” “Jesus, gross.” Trixie caught Katya’s gaze. “It’s not like you haven’t worn worse, either. That was probably just your day drag, right?” Katya grinned. “I’d wear a pigsuit for you anyday, mama. You just have to ask.” “I’ll remember that.” “When’s the fucking food getting here?” Alaska emerged from beyond Aja, eyes half-closed. “I’m starrrving.” As conversation turned away, Trixie relaxed against the cushions. Katya was playing along, and things still felt natural with her. Maybe everything was going to be fine. No harm. No change. Why is that kind of a disappointing thought? Like a 5% disappointing thought. A salad was placed in front of her, half a head of lettuce cut into palm-sized chunks and four sad-looking tomato slices disrupting her thoughts. She tried a bite. Salty.

Twenty minutes later she was outside and deep in a phonecall, trying to hide from the burning sun in the shadow of the rusty airconditioner unit. “When are the dates?” As her agent rattled off a few potential bookings, Trixie chewed a thumbnail. That’d take her out of town for most of the month of October, which would mean no shooting with Katya for the next series of UNHhhh. They’d been on another hiatus, but had planned a relaunch in November. Still, maybe September would provide enough time for filming. “Ok, wait a sec.” As she turned to head inside, the door creaked open and Katya emerged, shielding her eyes from the sunlight with one hand and lighting a cigarette with the other. Trixie waved her over. “Oh, perfect. Hey, I might have a tour coming up in October. Do you mind if we film in September?” Katya exhaled a cloud of smoke and glanced upwards, trying to figure out her availability. She was working hard on her Kickstarted one-woman comedy show, and Trixie knew timing was fairly tight. After a second she gave up and pulled out her phone. “Let me check, Deb.” Trixie glanced down and watched as Katya rubbed the back of one calf with the toes of the other foot. She was trying out this barefoot thing at the moment. Her springtime yoga break had left her with a couple of habits she hadn’t yet shaken off. It hadn’t stopped her smoking, either. “I could do the weekend of the 9th? Like the 9th morning, and morning of the 11th?” “Oh yeah, we could do enough for four a day. That’d be plenty for the relaunch in November I think.” Katya nodded. “More editing time, mama.” Trixie returned to her phonecall. “Ok, book the dates.” Her agent began to confirm the finer points of the travelling arrangements. Katya stubbed out her cigarette, pushed it through the little opening under the restaurant’s dumpster lid and flashed Trixie a grin before heading inside. The barbie queen found a slow smile spreading across her face. She’d been a little worried for the past few weeks about whether Katya had really wanted to keep going with UNHhhh. The little queen had begun to mention she might consider taking a break from the whole Katya thing, even. She still wanted to do drag, but in a typical Brian way she felt up to the task of perching Katya on a high shelf next to Trish and testing out a whole new character. She felt the world was ready for it. And Trixie thought she was fucking insane. Everyone was still lapping up the whorey Russian loopy evolution, eating up the whole thing, her gigs selling out in hours while fans crammed themselves back to front to catch a moment of her crazy grin or even a snatch of banter that might imply there was the slightest potential for Trixya to ever really happen. ‘Trixya’. The whole thing’s so weird. Trixie felt completely divorced from the concept of the two of them together. It was a marketing farce, an idea put together after she’d woken up on a Friday morning three years ago to a missed call from an unknown number. She’d called back, Katya had answered almost immediately. “I struck out. Kennedy kicked my fucking ass. Do you want to meet up?” And they’d texted back and forth while Katya had weathered the thunderstorm of depression and anxiety following her exit, eventually finding themselves in the same city one night and the same table at a restaurant an hour later. Trixie had felt so nervous. The whole real-world thing. Would their connection prove as funny and instant and fucking electric in person again? Of course it had. And more. Katya had been so real. So much more tangible without the cameras constantly on her. Bouncing knees, drumming fingers, enormous smile. Her ideas spilling out onto the table faster than Trixie could type them down on her phone. That had been the inception of Trixya - every duo was made more appealing via the romance angle. They could lay down a foundation of hints or even drop some flat-out comments about a mutual attraction, make sure a few kisses made their way onto Youtube and then take it from there in the ultimate will-they-won’t-they-why-don’t-they fuckfest of a fan-bait fiesta. It was brilliant, Trixie had assured Kyle on the phone later, and I’m definitely not even attracted to Katya so just ignore anything you hear because I love you, I’m just doing this for my career. She’d spent the next three years growing used to the back and forth of their supposed romantic journey. Trixya had been successful beyond their most optimistic forecasts. But then Katya had begun to push things a little, in private. And that had thrown the whole thing off balance. She’d instigated a few kisses. At first that was fine, drag queens fooled around on tour. Everyone knew that, no one had really talked about it, everything was cool. But then she’d started with some aggressive nighttime moves when Trixie had stayed over, even flat out asking for sex that one time. And she’d sunken a little under the weight of each hard rejection, failing to really recognise how much her friend needed to keep those boundaries rock solid. She’d taken it so personally. She’d stopped asking after a while. She’d backed off so far. Really far. Completely. Trixie had privately started to wonder if Trixya was over. Maybe it finally needed to be, they were both growing out of it, into good relationships and stronger career choices. But Katya’s touch from that morning had stirred really fucking deep inside her. It wasn’t a Trixya touch. It wasn’t on camera. It was an all-mutual full on Trixie and Katya are putting aside their careers and not even considering for a second where this might lead thing. For the first time she’d shelved her worries about the implications. She’d pulled the bunk curtain across all those career considerations and left the boundaries outside and Trixie needed to find Katya suddenly, like right now, she needed to get her mouth really close to her mouth to suck down the smokey air Katya breathed out and get back to that place where nothing was as important as how close their lips were to touching, and she quickly said goodbye to her agent and headed back to the bus with an urgency that caught in her throat the moment she saw that Katya wasn’t there.

“She’s dead, Jim.” “What?” “Totally dead. The battery never really held but I think it was everyone trying to charge their cellphones. Totally dead.” “And now what?” “You get flights.” Trixie turned to Frank, who was anxiously on his phone while running his hand through his hair. Even from here she could hear him talking animatedly to the replacement tour manager on the other end. The big tourbus had flat out refused to start up when everyone had boarded after lunch, and half of the cast along with their mountains of baggage were already in Ubers, screaming down the highway towards the nearest airport. Frank had gotten most of them on an earlier flight, but Trixie’s late appearance back at the bus had bumped her to a later bracket alongside Max, Michelle and Pandora, all of whom were leaning against the side of the bus looking bored (and in Michelle’s case, annoyed). Frank ended his call and marched up to Trixie. “I’ve got you on a 4:30, someone should be able to pick you up from the airport unless you can get yourself to the venue. Can you get an Uber now?” Trixie pulled out her phone. “Sure, do you need me to take care of my bags?” “No, Pete’s organised some help from the management company. They’re sending a truck later. Max, Pandora!” He waved the other queens over. “You’re on the flight with Trixie. Michelle, you’re not booked for the lineup tonight so you’ll get the later flight with me.” Trixie was already on the Uber app, waiting for confirmation. Her mind was running fast. She needed all her makeup, her guitar, her clothes and all the stuff out of her locker. What contacts did she have in her bags? Would she have enough gear for tonight if the truck didn’t get there in time? With everything on her mind she forgot about Katya, sitting almost silent amongst her friends until the car pulled into the airport departure lane an hour later. Frank had managed to book a few of them on business class. He’d had to, the flights were almost full. Trixie had traded a meet and greet with Pandora for a luxury seat, mostly because the airline was Delta and the business lounge probably had showers. She was hot. She felt stiff. She knew she wasn’t in a great shape for two hours on a plane, especially if there were any fans about that might recognise the famous queen and ask for photos. Trixie shouldered her bags from the end of the screening belt, walked through security and for the second time in two days bumped straight and unexpectedly right into Katya. At this point it was almost funny. The blonde was curled up in a private sofa booth, charging her phone and Periscoping to pass the time, no other queens in sight. Her boarding pass was on the table in front of her, bags either side, feet tucked into socks (thank God) and eyes totally locked on the screen, so much so that she didn’t notice Trixie until she’d slid onto the seat next to her and whispered, “Hey. Can we talk?” “Oh sure! Hey guys, look who it is. Your mother.” Katya turned the phone to Trixie’s tired face, who gave a little wave. “Hey Periscope. I’m taking your grandpa away.” “Sexy grandpa.” “Katya.” “Okay, let me.. Let me just..” As usual, Katya couldn’t figure out how to end the broadcast. Trixie sighed, leaned over her with a little smile and swiped up and off. The feed ended. Katya slid her phone onto the table and adjusted herself so she was facing her friend. “What’s up?” I guess now’s a good time. “I wanted to talk about this morning.” Do I? Trixie wasn’t really sure what she actually wanted to say. It felt right, though. Pretty sure this is what’s meant to happen now. We talk. Something’s said. Everything’s fine. We get to kiss more. “Yeah mama, what’s changed?” Katya broke into a huge grin. “What turned you on? What did I do right this time?” Trixie let out a laugh, surprised. “Katya, it wasn’t anything you did.” She paused for a sec, her dry wit winning out over her serious tone. “You couldn’t seduce me if you tried.” Katya let out a shriek, quickly hushing herself as a nearby businessman looked up with a grumpy expression. She scooted a little closer, her giggle subsiding into a light cough as she dropped her head onto Trixie’s shoulder. “I need a cigarette. But what did you want to know?” “Well, I guess I just wanted to make sure what happened didn’t change anything.” She glanced down, watching as Katya tore lines down the lid of the pack of Camels she was halfway through. “Trixie, you know what I feel about attraction. It’s just something that changes a lot. You’re having a dry spell, we were in bed together, I’m not suddenly convinced you’re in love with me or anything.” Katya pulled her head away and stared straight at her, blue eyes locked in and doing something funny to her heartbeat. What IS this? It’s just fucking Katya. Joker skeleton. Witch turd. Old dress wearing, stained blonde wig cramming crowd pleasing gross little drag queen. Blonde boy with an enormous heart and the most damaging skin. “Right,” Trixie managed. “I’m smarter than that, mama.” Katya pulled a cigarette from the pack and slid it into her mouth. “I’m glad you finally joined the loveless sex party though. Keys in the bowl.” The word had rolled so easily out of her mouth. They’d both slept with a lot of people since their stint on Drag Race, she talked about it literally every day, but the way she said sex sounded so dangerous now, hidden inside her casual commentary like a buried shard of glass in the sand. “We’re not going to start having sex, Katya.” A shrug. “Let’s see what happens, mama.” Trixie’s guards stood up and screamed. She checked Katya’s eyes for any hint of humour. “It’s not an open invitation, you asshole. We’re not doing that. Nothing’s changed.” Katya pulled the cigarette from her mouth, placing it on the table. She put one hand lightly on Trixie’s knee, one hand on the back of the seat, and she began to lean towards her in a slow, deliberate movement. Here was her mouth. Here were her lips, coming closer. Getting so close. Trixie couldn’t keep her eyes off them even though she felt Katya’s burning holes in her eyelids, watching and noticing and observing how she couldn’t stop staring, taking it as consent. Her heart was pounding. It had never felt like this before. Everything was quietly melting away and honestly all she wanted was to do, all she could do, was reach out and grab the back of Katya’s head and pull her in as hard as her muscles could manage to close those last few inches. Katya stopped her a second before their lips met, whispering in a soft growl that travelled straight down Trixie’s spine. “Something’s changed.” Fuck. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. “Katya, I’m going to kiss you. But it’s not going to mean anything.” Their lips were brushing now. Trixie was stronger than Katya, and she knew she had the power to pull her right in in an instant. She needed the pressure. Needed the kiss to happen. Needed to get deep and frantic and they were in the airport lounge, and she was pretty sure she’d just heard the final boarding call for Katya’s flight. No. Not again. She tightened her grip, but Katya was already pushing her away. “No. Trixie.” The blonde jammed the cigarette back into her mouth. “I need to get this flight, and I need this fucking cigarette.” She was already reaching for the straps of her bags. “Jesus. Fine,” Trixie breathed out, running a hand through her short hair. She sat back and tried to refocus, but her heart was threatening to explode. She broke into an enormous smile despite herself. “You’re a terrible kisser anyway, Barbara.” Katya shot her a dirty grin. “Are you flirting with me?” “Is it working?” Trixie countered. This felt a little weird, flirting with Katya. Platonic comedy partner. No go area. Huge crush territory, instant teenage regression, danger signs. “Like I said, mama. Let’s see what happens. See you in Houston.”

From: Katya how’s the flight going?

Sent: Pandora will literally (seen)

Sent: Not shut up (seen)

From: Katya my flight x 3

Sent: Lol (seen)

Sent: Business class + free whiskey is litttt (seen)

From: Katya again??

Sent: Don’t judge asshole (seen)

Trixie glanced at her half-finished plastic cup of whiskey. Next to her fully finished cup of whiskey. It still burned in her throat, golden courage. She decided to push a little. Katya always did, so why not play her at her own game?

Sent: I think I got rejected earlier (seen)

Sent: By my post apocalypse backup backup backup (seen)

Sent: Like after all the zombies are gone (seen)

From: Katya haha

From: Katya bitch

From: Katya i’ve never seen you so forward

From: Katya total shock mama

Sent: So you did reject me

…

(seen)

Katya started to type, but then the dots disappeared. Trixie scrolled up and reread the conversation, checking with momentary anxiety for any sign of desperation. She hadn’t really given herself much time to think this through. It was happening fast as hell, actually. Three weeks ago Katya had sent her a mock love poem, stirring absolutely zero in Trixie’s chest beyond annoyance at how she never ever capitalised her sentences. They’d filmed the first episode of the new UNHhhh series shortly afterwards, changing in the same room together under the glaring World of Wonder lightbulbs. The sight of Katya’s bare body as she switched outfits interested Trixie only in how the thick veins on her skinny legs cast spidery shadows as they moved. The blonde had reached over her to grab a foundation, junk tucked into her tight black pants, her dick rubbing slightly against Trixie’s shoulder for just a second. And the barbie-looking queen had only just noticed in time to suppress her revulsion. So why did the thought of Katya now have the power to make her check her phone for the third time in a minute? Jealousy’s a powerful fucking thing. She closed her eyes and tried to picture how she’d looked in the soft morning light. The gold of her eyelashes. The smooth skin of her collarbones tucking under the collar of her black shirt. The dip of her hipbone as she slid her pants down, thumb tucked into the hem. Her sleepy eyes. The sexy way her lips curved. It wasn’t really about jealousy. Trixie reached up unconsciously to run a fingertip over her lips. Imagined it was Katya’s thumb. She kissed it for just a second, and immediately pulled it away with embarrassment. God, where’s this come from? Her phone lit up, and she glanced down almost too quickly.

From: Katya i’ll make it up to you.

Her heart began to pound again as another message flashed up onscreen.

From: Katya we have three hours between landing and the show

From: Katya i’ll wait in arrivals

Oh fuck.

Katya is typing

Fuck.

From: Katya photo shoot?

What?

Sent: Photo shoot??? (seen)

From: Katya trust me

From: Katya i met this guy a few weeks ago

From: Katya he’s soo good. been wanting to work with him. can you bring drag?

Trixie downed the last of her whiskey.

Sent: Why not. See you in arrivals. (seen)

From: Katya 😘

Dick.