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fictioncupid · 21 days ago

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Don't tell me you don't want this. (they/them ver) (NSFW)

Looking for the he/him version?

Ao3 link! - Don't tell me you don't want this.

MINORS DO NOT RB OR COMMENT! PLEASE.

Summary:

You knew L was going to notice your crush on him sooner or later. You just didn’t expect him to bring it up in a room full of your colleagues.

33,776 words of explicit L/reader insert, 25k set up, 8k porn (ish). Longest thing I've written to date so be nice lol.

Pronouns & genital terms used!:

Reader- they/them, clit, pussy, cunt, entrance

CW: Reader has a panic attack during this fic (not during the sex), and L is kind of manipulative (not intentionally mean tho).

Notes and NSFW content warnings under the cut.

NSFW content warnings: multiple orgasms, size kink, edging, d/s dynamic, cunnilingus, armpit kink? If you squint?

Notes: L is referred to as ‘Ryuzaki’ for most of this fic

set early-ish in the investigation

L calls reader ‘bambi’ for… plot reasons… not because I find it hot…. not at alllll…..

××××××××××

You’re sitting watching one of several monitors over Ryuzaki’s shoulder for the sixth day in a row when it happens. When your world gets tipped sideways and you wish the Earth would split wide and swallow you whole just so you don’t have to live through it. Well, maybe that's a slight exaggeration but it does feel like an ice bucket is being tipped over your head. You don’t know what to do when he says it. First being confused by his unusual line of questioning, then abjectly mortified by where it ends up. Considering that the Ryuzaki you’d gotten to know over these past few months didn’t care for small talk, or even big talk if it wasn’t at least tangentially related to the case, you should have known there was some other reason for him to be asking how you’ve been sleeping.

Your eyes had glazed over long before this happened. Tired and bored it was hard to keep your focus from slipping onto more… entertaining prospects. Prospects like the one sitting right in front of you, perched on a wheelie chair with his knees pulled up to his chest. Your gaze shifts ever so slightly from the grainy picture in front of you to just left of it, pulled in by the repetitive motion of him pulling a lock of hair through his long fingers. You didn’t notice when you started watching Ryuzaki tuck and then untuck his hair around his ear, but it is somehow mesmerising. His other hand is presumably preoccupied clicking his thumbnail between his teeth.

You can hear the sharp tik-tik-tik of it in the near silence of the room, the only other audio coming from the CCTV being played before you but even that is just fuzzy static. Ryuzaki claims it helps him focus. He’s already said he doesn’t think there’s any new information to be gleaned from watching this tape again, so you don’t feel too bad for watching him instead. Focus drifting to how big his hands are, how long his fingers are, the sharp, bony edges of his wrists and you wonder yet again if the man eats anything other than sweets. Where it all goes on his wiry, lean frame? How soft his belly must be. If his nipples are puffy and his tits are soft. This is a topic you come back to often. You caught a glance of him shirtless once, so you know his nipples are brown. A surprise given how pale he is but certainly not an unwelcome one.

You’ve had a crush on Ryuzaki for a couple months now. The attraction had been immediate but the feelings only blossomed once you got to know him more. Mainly after it became apparent how lost the entire task force would be without him, thus making some of his earlier choices seem a little less severe and more unfortunately necessary.

If you were any less shy maybe you would have done something about them- the feelings, but Ryuzaki really doesn’t seem interested in anything other than catching Kira and maybe occasionally teasing you but you’re not sure that’s anything more than an intellectual pastime of indulging his mild latent sadism. You’re not even sure if he knows about your interest in him or if he just enjoys watching you skitter. And you’re not interested in making more of a fool of yourself than you regularly do. So, instead you’ve chosen to stifle and sit on your feelings in hopes they’ll go away.

However, your attempts to crush them out of existence don’t seem to be working as of late, considering they keep cropping up at the most inopportune times. Like now for example, when you’re supposed to be working and instead you’re thinking about how his nipples would taste. Sweet, like all the sugar he eats? Or maybe salty, with how little inclination for self care the man exhibits he’s got to be at least a little sweaty most of the time.

You stifle an airy giggle to yourself. Your hand comes up to cover your mouth in surprise at the noise when Ryuzaki turns his wide eyed, inquisitive stare on you. He’s only turned his neck, and not the rest of his body. Like some kind of fucked up owl. You were right, and his thumb is indeed in his mouth. You jump, startled out of your daydream by him. It takes a couple tries wetting your dry mouth with your tongue before you can stop thinking about anything other than the shape and shade and weight of his cock in your mouth.

‘Are you alright, Bambi?’

‘Huh? What? Oh… Ye-yes I’m-I’m fine.’ You laugh awkwardly, hoping to dispel the tension you know he can’t feel. You twirl your hair between your fingers for something to do with your hands. You must be redder than a tomato with how on fire your face feels. But, better the blood rushing there than… other places, you suppose, as you squirm awkwardly in your seat. You feel like a bug under a microscope under his wide-eyed, investigative gaze.

Ryuzaki’s mouth turns down slightly. He pauses the tapes that you’re not watching without even looking at it, and then a leg comes down to spin his chair to face you before returning to its usual position. He scratches the toes on his left foot with his right and you swallow nervously as you look on. You’re fucked. Oh you’re so fucked. Somehow, someway, something has connected in that freaky huge detective brain of his and you now have his full undivided attention right where you don’t want it. Focused on your face and your body language right after you’ve been spacing out thinking about how delicious it would be to be fucked by him. Shit.

You’re familiar enough with Ryuzaki’s idiosyncrasies by now to know he does things like the feet on feet scratching when he’s hyper focused. He says it’s because he doesn’t want to break his posture, and risk missing a crucial break in the case because ‘his deductive reasoning is lowered by forty-percent’ when he sits normally. Whatever the fuck that means.

Ryuzaki frowns deeper and scoots his chair towards you, leaning in far enough that you start to hold your breath in hopes he won’t notice the spike in your breathing at the closeness. He’s tilting his head to the side and staring blankly past you when you start to question whether Ryuzaki can secretly read minds, or if somehow he has some kind of superhuman hearing where your steadily faster thumping heart is audible to him. Either way, you’re getting steadily more convinced that the jig is already up, but you’re not going down without a fight. Embarrassment will not kill you this day. Maybe tomorrow, but not today. You steel your resolve and put on your best poker face.

The other members of the task force are sitting on the couches behind you. You can feel their gaze on the situation without even turning to look. Part of you is desperately hoping that they’re far too busy with work to focus on the two of you, but you know in your heart that the reality is the room is tiny, and they can hear all of this in high definition even if they don’t look.

You all split into different teams earlier this week when Matsuda and Aizawa claimed they couldn’t watch any more of the same CCTV without clawing their eyes out. You understand their sentiment, it’s hard to feel useful when you can’t figure out what other data you could extrapolate from the tapes. You feel a little useless everytime Ryuzaki catches some small detail overlooked on the last run, whether inconsequential to the investigation or not. But Ryuzaki requested you personally aid him, so here you are. Your coworkers have been pouring over weeks of data trying to trace Kira in any possible way instead. From the tense atmosphere behind you this week, you’ve begun to think the endless data scrolling is somehow worse than the hours upon hours of CCTV.

The team needs a new lead quite desperately, yet nothing seems to pan out so morale is low among all the officers here. Ryuzaki himself doesn’t seem at all affected. So when he deemed it necessary to have two eyes on the screens instead of one ‘incase he missed something’, you didn’t question it, hoping to feel helpful for once, but over time it’s become quite apparent you’re just here as insurance. A physical fail-safe allowing ‘L’ to explain his case to the others without seeming totally crazy when he inevitably figures it out from some seemingly insignificant detail. He said he picked you, out of all the others, due to your ‘tenacity’ and ‘keen sense of observation’. But you’re of the opinion that he’s simply rewarding you for not telling him your real, legal name alongside everyone else the first time you met. Some reward. Watching the same CCTV footage on repeat ‘in case you missed something’, instead of reading sheet after sheet of mindless data, logging peoples movement, looking for the slightest hint of suspicion. You knew it would be hard work when you signed on to this case, you just didn’t know it would be so boring. You wonder for the first time since you all started this if Ryuzaki, if L is stuck too, or if he even knows what he’s looking for.

Then you wonder if he would have still rewarded you if he knew the real reason you didn’t tell him your name when you first met. If you explained to him how within thirty seconds of laying eyes on him all you could focus on was his tall stature and the lazy confidence within which he held himself, one hand tucked nonchalantly in his jean’s pocket while meeting the Superintendent of the NPA. What he would think if you told him that his dark circles and ‘can’t be bothered’ heavy lidded stare had frozen you in place as a mixture of fear and arousal had trickled down your spine. That if he’d asked for your name then and there your tongue would simply have felt too big to move in your mouth. That the most you would have gotten out was a rasping ‘hah’ as you tried desperately to unstick it. Maybe he does know, even if he didn’t then. It was, after all, how you’d gotten your nickname, ‘Bambi’.

All the other officer’s were given normal aliases such as ‘Captain Shijuro Asahi’ instead of ‘Detective Superintendent Yagami’ and yet when it came to you, ‘Bambi’ is what he called you. Of course, your fake badge says something different but that’s what he called you. Calls you. The first time you heard it, it startled you out of your hazy cloud of anxious anticipation and flinched you into movement when he had booped you with the lollipop that had been in his mouth. His mouth. On your nose. With a sweet, monotoned drawl of, ‘coming, Bambi?’, after you hadn’t moved with everyone else. It still jellies your legs now to think about it.

You didn’t even mind that it was sticky and wet, leaving a smudge on your nose. Not hearing the chief's complaints about professionalism, you had followed along robotically after the others as they settled into the room and Ryuzaki explained that it was, ‘because you looked like a deer in headlights.’ as his own defence. You noted that he’d (wisely) chosen to omit defending the nose-boop. You’d spun to face him, startled at his reasoning and Ryuzaki had had this entirely innocent smile on his face. Like a puppy that was about to be treated to his favourite snack and was just waiting in anticipation. You could practically see his tail wagging proudly behind him. Your face had flushed redder than hell and you rushed to your seat hoping that no-one else had noticed the influence he had on you within your first five minutes of meeting.

That’s where you are now, months later. Still feeling the same tummy-churning sense of shame over your body's gut reaction to him and how casually he’s leaning into your space. Staring intently at your face like if he looked long enough he could unravel your very essence. You feel yourself going red. Maybe he can. Ryuzaki sits back, hands going to clutch at his feet as he mutters, ‘...as I thought.’, before rubbing his thumb over the wet line of his upper lip.

You instinctively say, ‘what?’, and immediately wince, wishing you hadn’t given him the opening. Not that it’s going to make a difference. Ryuzaki is going to say what he’s going to say whether you want to hear it or not, but still… It’s like you’re playing devil's advocate for him.

‘How has your sleep been recently?’ You blink. It’s not the question you expected him to ask but Ryuzaki’s staring at you in earnest, his wide eyes trained on your face to look for signs of honesty or discomfort.

He told you once that he didn’t really understand emotions all that much, or why people were driven to do certain things rather than just ask or talk about it diplomatically. It’s why he liked Kira. Not that he’d ever tell anyone else that, and with the caveat that it was only as much as anyone could like a mass-murdering freak. He understands him.

Ryuzaki explained that Kira had motivations that were easily discernible to someone as logic driven as himself. He’d said he knew for certain that if- no, when he found the evidence to put Kira to justice, that Kira himself would answer any and all the questions Ryuzaki had for him. That he wouldn’t be able to help himself. Ryuzaki even suggested the possibility of Kira confessing to his crimes of his own volition before there’s evidence if the two of them ever meet in person, simply due to his ego.

Part of you worries that this is his contingency if you don’t come across real, physical evidence of his crimes. And it’s seeming increasingly more possible as each day without a new lead comes to pass. The Ryuzaki you know would invite Kira into his own home under false pretences to see if he slips up without blinking. The other part of you knows there’s no point in worrying about it because there is no stopping Ryuzaki once he’s decided something. You can only hope he’s as smart as he seems to be and that he catches Kira before Kira kills him.

You’d laughed at the time, spoon halfway from your ice cream to your mouth, you’d flicked it accidentally into Ryuzaki’s face. Of course he simply swiped the dessert off his cheek into his mouth without blinking, sucking his fingers in a way that made your mouth drop open and your eyes dilate and your cunt flutter. You must have stared at his fingers for a good minute before you could get yourself under control. Having to shake your head to clear your thoughts and you keep an intense eye contact with your own dessert for the rest of the conversation, head down and ears burning, hoping against God that your hair would protect at least a semblance of your face as Ryuzaki continued to explain.

Nothing could stop you from continuously glancing over though as Ryuzaki told you that he’d learnt most people were unwilling to answer his questions honestly, and that he’d been forced to learn the physical signs of most emotions in order to aid him in both his detective work and personal life. You’d wondered how much real world application he’s managed to get from that, considering his almost alien nature to the task force. Whether Aizawa and Ukita would be less irate with him in your downtime if they knew how much work he was putting in to simply talk to them. You couldn’t help but think it was a little bit sad while playing with your spoon. That he has to do so much emotional labour just to even the playing field, and that you would answer his questions honestly, if ever he asked. You even told him as much.

But… maybe not now, you think to yourself as the memory floods back to you. Not when you’re trying so desperately to keep something hidden from him. Something you’d really rather remain private and then die in obscurity. Not when the stakes are so high. Sure, maybe it’d started off as a simple uncontrollable physical attraction. One you thought would go away after spending countless hours in his company, but the longer you've been spending with him, the worse it’s been getting. At this point your crush has grown way beyond the bounds of physical desire. Making your unshaking need to keep this hidden all the greater. You just knew it would be humiliating for you if he ever found out about it.

Mainly because you’re certain he won’t return your affections. You’re pretty sure you’re not his type: he treats you much the same as your coworkers and while that could be due to professionalism, considering that he forgoes most other aspects of it including socks, you really rather doubt it. Plus, Ryuzaki has a very one-track mind, so you’re unsure if he even thinks about you in a capacity that’s not attached to the Kira case. If you exist to him outside of work. You doubt he has many thoughts pertaining to anything other than Kira at the moment. He seems to work tirelessly, day and night. Interest and attention rarely waning and when it does it’s simply a switch in focus to a distraction that allows his mind a break to process the information he absorbed earlier and organise it.

You worry sometimes that that’s all you are. A distraction. He does seem to seek you out more so than others when he needs a break but you’d don’t know if that’s because he doesn’t quite… click with the others or if he really likes you the most. You think he does. You’re pretty sure that you’re good friends, not just coworkers, but you don’t know. Not for certain. Therefore, he can’t know. You don’t want him to know. You’re not sure you could live with it. At least this way you can live in the ‘what if’ rather than sink in the abyss of the ‘definite no’. You’re sure if he ever found out about your crush it wouldn’t bother him, heck he probably wouldn’t ever think about it after the fact but you’re not so sure you would survive the humiliation. Wanting someone so desperately who maybe doesn’t even think about you. So, you’re choosing to melt into the carpet at the slightest provocation rather than wear your heart on your sleeve and let him know how you feel. It’s safer this way.

You have to snap yourself out of your musings to remind yourself that Ryuzaki is waiting for your response. He asked you how you were sleeping, you think to yourself. ‘I-uh, well? I think. Not any-any different from use-usual, I don’t-don’t think,’ You feel put on the spot from how intently he’s staring at you. A little panicked too. He’s never once bothered asking how you are before, preferring to dive right into whatever he’s thinking about at any given moment with the expectation that you will share if you want to. And now he’s asking about your sleep? This is… weird. You’re unsettled by it.

‘Not any more stressed out than usual? Nothing weighing on your mind? Feeling exhausted from the repetitive nature of the work?’ He inquires further, leaning in again as he does.

You feel the heat rise to your face as it flushes further. He knows. He knows. He knows. How does he know? Your mind starts racing and you don’t know where to look, flickering between his intense stare and his arms and his bare fucking feet tucked up on the edge of his chair.

‘I only ask because you’ve not been acting like yourself recently. Normally you’re full of keen, if not helpful, observations on people and their motivations. However, lately you seem to be staring off into space more than you are working. If you were me that would be normal but you are not me and I need you to be you right now. You notice what I don’t. I wanted your opinion on what, if anything, I might be missing but that’s impossible if you’re not fully here mentally... You’re distracted, and we need all grounds covered if we’re going to catch Kira…’ He goes back to biting his thumb nail after saying all this, worrying it between his teeth the way he does when he’s deep in thought.

You almost collapse in relief. Huh. You’d never once thought he had assigned you here because he wants your help. You’d figured it was more like he valued your unthinking obedience since you don’t really argue with him. Largely because you know he is leagues smarter than everyone else in the room, but also because you know that people normally come to agree with him after he explains himself. Also, admittedly, because you find him so incredibly sexy. In the weirdest, most disarming way possible. And having his wide eyed, intense stare on you for any length of time increases the likelihood of him figuring you out that much faster because you quickly lose the ability to form coherent sentences.

Normally when you disagree with him it’s over domestic things. Like when you decided you’d had enough of seeing his greasy mop hunched over a screen eating his six hundredth sweet and/or bowl of cereal and you’d decided someone was going to make this man take a shower. Everyone else feeling too polite or too awkward to even bring it up to him other than through vague hinting, and someone had to do something. So when the hinting didn’t work, and when you asking him flat out several times didn’t work, you grabbed him by the arm and dragged him bodily over to the bathroom.

At first you weren’t very successful. Being too nervous to get that close to him and stuttering when you tried to ask, feeling more than awkward. But after he had waved you off for the sixth time in a single day and you had smelt him from a metre away you’d sucked it up for the sake of everyone’s noses. Not even flinching after you pulled him to his feet in a surprise attack and he’d swayed bodily over you and into your space with shock and surprise written on his features. You’d just grabbed his shirt by the collar and started briskly moving down the corridor with that momentum before he caught on to what was happening. Bursting into the bedroom you knew was down the hall and briskly stepping over the mess of clothing left on his floor, you turned on the shower and chucked him into it in one large sweeping movement. Hissing ‘Wash. For the love of God and all things holy: wash.’

Only then did Ryuzaki raise an arm and take a whiff of his own armpit, face pinching in distaste for a split second before dropping it and nodding shortly at you. It was then your turn to feel embarrassed as he started stripping off his wet shirt and trousers with no fear for your presence. It was bad enough when his white shirt had started to become translucent from the water and you had kept determined eye contact with him but this? This was too much.

You squeaked, as his sopping shirt went sailing over his head and splatted on the floor beside you. You caught a glance of a brown nipple and then the thick black hair decorating his armpit and then what looked like a dark mole on the fat of his left asscheek as his soaking jeans- no underwear- caught awkwardly on his crotch and he cursed flatly under his breath and you couldn’t breathe as you hightailed it from the room.

You were so embarrassed that you could only nod awkwardly when Matsuda started asking if you managed to make him wash, the two of you having planned this attack earlier in the day when all normal methods of making this man aware of his stench had utterly failed. At least, after being scruffed like a kitten and thrown into an already running shower with his clothes on, Ryuzaki now usually acquiesces to semi-regular bathing habits after the first push or two from you. And, Matsuda’s victory dance was admittedly rather funny.

You take a deep breath and steady yourself. Lying doesn’t come easily to you. Not that you’re bad at it, rather, just that it leaves a bad taste in your mouth. One you can’t wash out. ‘Oh! Well, I mean, it's just that the footage is rather monotonous. Maybe I need a break haha.’ Technically that is true.

Ryuzaki takes no longer than a second to ponder your answer before he says, ’I don’t see how you could find this more boring than when we were watching the CCTV footage from before we caught sight of Penber… In fact, I think this footage is perhaps the most interesting thing we’ve seen all week. Or, do you find that a man’s public death in service of the police force is not interesting enough for you?’

What? Oh fuck. You glance at one of the several monitors in front of you and true to fact staring back at you are several differing angles of Raye Penber’s dying form. How the fuck did you drift off during the most tragic part of all the tapes? Goddamn it. It’s not your fault this is the four hundredth time you’ve watched them! And it wasn’t like you got distracted while he was dying! It was before that. When you noticed the freckle just underneath Ryuzaki’s hairline on the back of his neck. Shit. That’s not a good excuse.

You know that Ryuzaki doesn’t give a flying fuck about you insulting this man’s memory. He’s just mad you aren’t telling him the truth, so he’s punishing you for it. Publicly. The thought makes you seeth internally. Sometimes you hate this man-child. You know the other members of the task force are all watching you now. You can feel their eyes on the back of your neck.

‘Ryuzaki.’ Chief Yagami has stood up. ‘Give them a break. Clearly they’re exhausted mentally and emotionally from watching that tape on repeat. It would take it out of anyone.’ God you love your chief. Love love love! You could just kiss him! Professionally, of course.

‘No. That’s not it. I just asked them if they’re tired and they said no.’ He taps his thumb against his lip. ‘They’re hiding something.’ Oh. There’s more to it than you thought. Ryuzaki’s not just antagonising you for entertainment. Hei’s upset. You’ve upset him by lying. You can see it in the tension of his shoulders, and the way his feet aren’t moving. He won’t say as much in front of the entire task force but you’ve hurt his feelings. Fuck. You’re lying to him after you told him you wouldn’t and he knows. You’re going to get no mercy here. And he’s going to figure it out if you don’t say something quick. You have to fix this, without making it any worse. Your next lie needs to be a good one.

‘No-no, I-I’m not hiding any-anything. I’m probably just-just really tired. Yeah, I’ve not been-been sleeping very -wuh-well you see.’ Oh for God’s fucking sake maybe you are a bad liar. You pray to God he doesn’t notice.

‘You’re lying to me. Badly at that.’ The clicking of his nail between his teeth starts up again. ‘Something is very wrong here.’ He’s gonna figure it out. You know he’s going to figure it out. You can feel it in your gut. Maybe you can make a quick exit. A fast retreat. You spin on your heel and see Chief Yagami halfway across the room, watching things unfold with a concerned look on his face. Matsuda’s standing up but hasn’t left his seat yet. Your other three coworkers are still seated, but with their heads turned your way in interest. Great. Your humiliation has an audience. At least they’re worried about you, you guess? You’d rather they weren’t fucking here right now though. You feel like a rat trapped in a corner. Ryuzaki’s thoughtful humming from behind you is the same tone as a purring cat about to devour its prey. You pray beyond hope that the ground opens up and swallows you whole. Or that the grim reaper is real and takes some serious fucking pity on your right now and puts you in an early grave.

Ryuzaki’s muttering behind you is a mere murmur yet you can hear it ringing loud in the pin-drop silence of the room. Your feet won’t cooperate with your brain and you’re glued to the spot in horror as you hear him rattle off, ‘You’re distracted and unfocused at work, hardly paying attention… You’ve been rather short-tempered when you have been paying attention, RE: the shower incident. You keep turning red when I try to talk to you. In fact, your face is rather red right now, I can see the colour all the way down your neck. You don’t turn that colour when talking to anyone else. I’ve caught you staring at me instead of the tape several times now-I’ve got it.’

Oh no. You knew this would happen at some point but this is so much worse than you ever could have imagined. You cringe internally, preparing yourself. ‘You want to have sex with me.’ Ryuzaki says. Out loud. To the room full of your coworkers. To the room full of your coworkers who are all watching you. Including your boss, who you’re currently making excruciating eye contact with. Chief Yagami’s eyes are wide, mouth open in outrage. Like he can’t believe what he’s just heard.

‘Ryuzaki!’ He says sharply, in an admonishing tone. It doesn’t make you feel any better. You cringe and shut your eyes. You cannot deal with the scandalised look on his face right now.

You just know Ryuzaki’s staring at you, you can feel it on the back of your neck. He’ll be too proud of his discovery to consider the embarrassment it could be causing you to have your dirty laundry aired like that. And he phrased it in quite possibly the worst way. You want to die. Dear God, you want to die. Kira, if you’re watching- you start and then immediately stop, just in case he is watching. God fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck shit! You think, before mentally attempting to compose yourself to try to do some damage control. You can do this. You open your eyes.

You laugh, a little too loudly, going, ‘Whaaat? Ryuzaki, don’t be absurd. I told you I’m just tired.’ You spin around to face him, arms up all casual like. You can’t believe the sight you’re greeted with. This fucking asshole has pulled a lollipop out from somewhere, and is currently unwrapping it like he didn’t just drop a bomb on the room.

He wrestles with the wrapper for a second before ripping it off with his teeth. Usually you’d be taken in by this rather silly display but all it serves to do currently is light a fire of embarrassed rage under your ass. Like now that he’s figured out your true feelings the important work has been done and there’s nothing better to do than eat a fucking lollipop. You’re mortified. You’re mortified and he’s eating a lolly. Fuck Kira, you might kill him.

Ryuzaki licks the lollipop once before turning his head to face you and freezing. He seems a little taken aback by the wild look on your face. You can’t imagine how you look right now. Bright red face, mouth a stretched, awkward grin, furiously fighting tears. Ryuzaki continues anyway, like explaining his reasoning will make any of this better. He’s speaking to you but not quite looking you in the face, instead choosing to gaze just off to the left of you as he says, ‘I asked before how you were sleeping and you said you were sleeping fine. You provided no alternative reason as to why your work has been lacking and your attention has been practically non-existent. You’re short tempered when you are paying attention and while the current lack of leads could be a factor the fact that these incidents seem to be clustered around myself leads me to believe that you’re frustrated. Sexually. Because of me. You want to have sex with me and it’s affecting your work. I find this reason not only acceptable but the most likely. Yes. Your lie, and your bad one at that, combined with all the other factors I just listed tells me that you find me sexually attractive and would like to have sex with me. Or, would you prefer the pseudonym ‘making love’?’ Ryuzaki puts the lollipop back in his mouth.

‘Ryuzaki! This is not an appropriate topic for the workplace!’ Oh, the Chief sounds furious. Your face must be tomato red by now. You’re going to kill him. You’re quite literally going to kill him. Kira will just have to be jealous. You’re pretty sure you’re shaking.

‘Ryuzaki! You can’t just say that to someone!’ Matsuda chimes in, sounding outraged on your behalf. If you could turn around to look at him you’d guess he’s got his fists clenched in anger and a look of shock on his face but you’re frozen in place. Unable to look away from Ryuzaki even though he’s staring at the fucking wall. Why won’t he look at you?

At least your coworkers are on your side, and you’re not the only one who thinks this is wrong, you think, before the much nastier thought of, ‘yeah because they pity you,’ overtakes it. You wish the ground would open up beneath you and swallow you whole. Hell would be nicer than this.

Ryuzaki spins his chair slightly to face Matsuda, looks him right in the face. So he’ll look at him but not you? …You get the thought that maybe he’s relieved. Like this conversation isn’t going the way Ryuzaki thought it would and he’s happy to have an out. You scoff. Your face feels numb. All you can hear is the rushing of your blood past your ears. You’ve never been so embarrassed. You can see Ryuzaki talking but you can’t really hear what he’s saying. Robotically, you turn on your heel and start to walk out the room.

As your ears ring you can't’ help but pick up the end of their conversation, ‘Why not? I don’t see a problem with it, it's the truth. Their work has been lacking recently and sexual frustration seems to be the cause of it. I don’t think it’s a bad idea either. Sex is beneficial for both the mind and the body. Sexual frustration can hinder a person’s ability to reason properly and we need everyone in top form if we’re going to catch Kira. This includes Bambi.’ That fucking nickname. So you’re a benefit now? A problem to solve? Ryuzaki finishes his speech with, ‘They’ve done studies, you know.’ He’s still looking at Matsuda rather than you and you’re done. You’re done. You grab your coat, planning on leaving and never coming back.

‘Well then by that logic we should all be having sex with each other!’ Matsuda exclaims as you stalk out the room. As you brush past the Chief he opens his mouth to say something, but gets distracted at the last moment by Matsuda’s comment, instead choosing to admonish him for his poor choice of argument.

‘Well, given the fact you all are self-proclaimed hetero-sexuals I don’t see how that would be beneficial to any of us.’ Ryuzaki says.

You’re at the door when you hear him say, ‘It seems I’ve upset them.’ Yeah. No shit. You hear your coworkers say something to that effect. You hope beyond hell that he doesn’t feel the need to follow you out of the room and try fix things. You've been embarrassed enough for one lifetime, but then again Ryuzaki has never been the type to try fix what he doesn’t think is a problem. You’re surprised he even noticed you were upset even though you were near tears in front of him. Well, maybe that’s a bit harsh. He definitely knew you were upset. That’s why he couldn’t look you in the face you bet, because he was uncomfortable. Not uncomfortable enough to stop talking unfortunately.

Your house is located within a fifteen minute ride to the current hotel functioning as headquarters, but it is still an excruciating fifteen minutes of trying not to sniffle into your jacket on a subway train full of strangers. It’s actually the first time you’ve taken the subway since Ryuzaki started playing the CCTV tapes of all the FBI agents on repeat after observing that both the Yagami and Kitamura household weren’t suspicious. So recently you’ve been prefering to take a taxi or walk.

You’d only been a police officer for about a year before Kira had appeared, you weren’t even assigned to the Kira case before people started resigning. But your strong sense of justice and inability to walk away from those in trouble had meant you’d not taken ‘no’ for an answer when you overheard Superintendent Yagami and the others talking outside the NPA building late at night. They were discussing whether or not to trust L. Well, it was more like you hadn’t taken no for an answer after you’d followed them back into the building and ambushed them in their meeting with L himself. Or, Watari himself and L through the computer.

After being chastised by Superintendent Yagami for eavesdropping, and then watching in shock and hilarity as L in turn chastised him for not being discreet enough. He’d asked if anyone else might have overheard the conversation, and you’d replied that you were one of very few left in the building this late. That you’d gone out for some air just before the group had arrived and you were certain you were the only one around, and that maybe you’d only overheard them because you’d been deliberately eavesdropping after hearing the name L. They told you no.

You’d then taken the opportunity to make the argument that Matsuda hadn’t been a police officer for very long either. And that Kira was a bully. And you couldn’t stand bullies. So if they wouldn’t let you help with the official investigation, then you would run an un-official investigation. And track Kira down in your own time, or die trying.

The room was dead silent after your proclamation until you heard a tinny, bitten off laugh coming from the computer Watari was holding. Apparently, L found you amusing. L had then stated, ‘they sound as determined as any of you. Experience, while vitally important in all cases, is only secondary in this one to a willingness to put your very life on the line to catch Kira. We are dealing with a criminal who can likely kill without being in contact with their victim, and we have no idea as to how they do it. We need all the help we can get.’ That had settled it. And from that night on you were a member of team ‘let’s kill Kira!’ Not that any of them knew you called it that.

When you finally make it home you run upstairs, collapse on your bed and muffle a pent-up scream into your pillow. God that was so humiliating. Not to mention unprofessional. There’s no way in hell they let you back in after a display like that. You know Ryuzaki was going to figure out you have a crush on him sooner rather than later, but you never expected him to announce it to the whole room- hell, you never expected him to even acknowledge it! You’d thought before that maybe he already knew and was ignoring it but this is classic Ryuzaki. Forever surprising you with astute observations and a complete lack of social awareness. You know he can’t help it, so you never get mad at him for it. That is, until, you know, he humiliated you in a room full of people you respect and work with.

You huff out another scream and kick your feet into the bedding below you, before grumpily rolling over and curling into a ball. You’ve never been so embarrassed. You grab your feet with your hands and rock slightly before turning your face into the pillow again. Gods you wish it would suffocate you. You wriggle and grab at your duvet until you can pull it over your head. It dims bright light above you and makes you feel a little better enclosed in it. You feel tears prick at your eyes again so you hunker down and cry until you pass out from exhaustion.

You don’t return to work for five days. You know it’s unprofessional, and that maybe you’ll get fired but you’re too embarrassed. Choosing instead to sulk under your blankets, eat ice cream, and watch mindless daytime television in hopes that if you don’t think about it the whole entire thing will go away. Anger bubbles through you as the memory resurfaces and you scream, frustration ripping through your jaw and into the covers you have balled up around your mouth.

Your phone rings, and you know it’s work because of the ringtone. You can’t bring yourself to answer. It rings twice more before falling silent. You spare a glance to where it’s lying on the ground three feet away, surrounded by the work clothes you’d shucked off and not bothered to put in the wash or even the basket. There’s a moment of silence. You breathe out in relief. It rings again but this time with the jingle set for unknown numbers.

You heave out a sigh and prepare to leave your bed for the first time in the week since you started hiding from the world. You stumble over to pick up the phone and say, ‘what?’ in the most irritated tone you can muster. It’s Matsuda. He shouts in excitement when he hears you and you have to pull the phone away from your ear in order to save your hearing. Matsuda rambles on excitedly for a moment before his tone turns soft but kind of urgently awkward. He says something along the lines of,

‘we- I mean, the boss- I mean, L, No! I-we, URGH.’ He sighs loudly down the phone and then tries again, ‘You need to come back to work. I know you’re embarrassed about… what happened but I promise you that no one will bring it up! And Ryuzaki has an insane plan that you need to hear! We don’t even know if it’ll work or how he figures we’re gonna- listen. Just come back to work. Please. You’re the only one he listens to- No Ryuzaki! I’m not on the phone!-’ Matsuda’s voice suddenly gets ten times quieter and you know he’s holding the receiver behind his back to hide the fact his phone is on and in use rather than off and in a box on the table. You sigh through your nose and tip your head back, silently mouthing, ‘what the fuck,’ to the ceiling before pinching the bridge of your nose and bringing the phone back to your ear.

‘Listen,’ You say loudly, hopefully loud enough Matsuda can hear you over his and Ryuzaki’s squabbling. Not that Ryuzaki squabbles. What he does is more of a monotoned bulldozing of the conversation with all the reasons that you are wrong until he’s finished or you can accurately counter him. Usually you’d have more decorum, and not just drop your coworker in it for breaking the rules but frankly you’re over it. And really you don’t mind if this pisses Ryuzaki off. Serves him right, you rudely think. ‘I know I need to come back, but we’re hitting dead end after dead end and I just- I need some time-’ you start to say. You're cut off by a scuffling noise and you hear Matsuda shout ‘Hey!’ in the background.

‘Bambi.’ Oh no. Oh no no no. Oh fuck no. He is not on the phone to you right now. ‘Our coworkers have informed me that I acted inappropriately and embarrassed you the other day. That was not my intention. I regret hurting you, and I now know that I shouldn’t have brought it up during work hours.’ You shouldn’t have brought it up at all you asshat! ‘I’m very sorry for whatever hurt I may have caused you.’ But. There’s a ‘but’ coming you can just feel it. ‘However,’ Asshole. ‘I think I may have found our next move- no, I am certain of it. Some members of this task force have pointed out its risky nature but I truly believe this will bring us that much closer to catching Kira. Or at the least help rule out who is, and is not a suspect.’

You almost hang up. Almost. You don’t. Instead you say, ‘How in sweet hell does this relate to me, Ryuzaki?’

‘You’re a part of the task force.’ You say nothing. There’s a pause on the line where you hear nothing but your own breathing before Ryuzaki starts up again, ‘The task force needs you here, Bambi. You’re important. Crucial.’ His voice sounds the same, but you recognise the breath before he spoke as time in which he was picking what to say. You almost forgive him. ‘We don’t have enough hands as it is and we cannot afford to make any mistakes at this crucial juncture-’ Oh you are going to kill him. Does he think of nothing else? You take a calming breath in through your nose, hoping to stabilise your voice and emotions before you speak.

‘Ryuzaki I-’ You heave a sigh. Scrub a hand over your face. You’re going to have to face this, face him, at some point. It might as well be now. ‘I’ll be in tomorrow,’ you say. You deserve at least a day to get your shit together.

You hang up on him, turn the volume off and drop the phone back onto your crumpled uniform on the floor. It bounces off the soft material and clatters and against the hardwood. The battery falls out. You dive back into the covers on your bed and resume the show you’d been watching before that rude interruption. You know you said you’d be in tomorrow, but part of you thinks you won’t be ready. How could you be? Ryuzaki can shove his apology up his ass. Never have you been so humiliated and he doesn’t even care.

On the other end of the line, Ryuzaki holds the phone away from his ear, staring at it, wondering if you’d managed to hear him before you hung up. No matter. He chucks the phone at Matsuda without looking and calls for Watari to bring the car round. Leaving Matsuda to furiously attempt to phone you in hopes of giving you a warning.

You’re halfway through a new episode when the doorbell rings. Your head pops up, hair wild and mussed, eyes half closed with sleep at the sound. You don’t think you’re expecting anything. With most of your life having been consumed with the Kira case as of late you’ve already exhausted your take-out budget for the week. Evidenced by the several food containers littering your floor. You wince looking at them. You really should take them downstairs at least, lest you get mice. You wait for a second to see if you can ignore the door but then the bell rings with a second, exponentially longer trill.

You huff and get out of bed, drawing your blankets up around your neck and holding them closed tight as you shuffle towards the stairs. If you’re being forced to get up and deal with some super aggressive salesman then you’re at least going to be warm as you shout at him. You’re halfway down the stairs again when the doorbell rings a third time, and this time it doesn’t stop. What fucking asshole is at your door? You don’t know but you’re pissed about it. You watch the door handle jiggle as whoever’s behind it tries to just waltz into your home and you are going to rip them a new one. There’s a niggling excitement under all the rage at the prospect of getting to unleash some of your feelings on an unsuspecting stranger. You wonder if that makes you a bad person.

‘I’m COMING!’ You shout, muttering under your breath about impatient, unapologetic assholes as you stomp over to the door. You have to wrestle with the key in the lock because it won’t cooperate in your worked up state. By the time you finally get it unlocked you’re so mad that you swing it open with far more force than necessary and your hand bangs against the wall. ‘Oww.’ You’re momentarily distracted by the pain, looking at your hand as you cradle it until you hear,

‘Bambi.’ Your head snaps up instantly. Standing at your doorway, in all his unrepentant glory, is Ryuzaki. Watching you with what you assume is his version of concern as you hold your bruised hand to your chest. There’s a ridiculous, expensive looking car waiting in the street behind him. So much for inconspicuous.

‘What?’ You grind out, irritated that he’s caught you unawares yet again. Why is he here? You said you’d be in tomorrow.

‘Are you okay?’ He gestures to your hand.

‘I’m- fine.’ You grit out, turning your face away from him. Ryuzaki reaches out with a hand and you watch, frozen, as he crosses the threshold into your home and brushes a greasy lock of your wild hair back into place. A wave of cold heat rushes over you as you remember your state of dress. The greasy, unwashed hair, the large duvet, the rumpled and stained pajamas from all that eating in bed. You might be mad at the man, but you’ve still got a crush on him and you must look ridiculous.

You’re frozen in place as Ryuzaki slides smoothly past you and into your house like he’s been invited- no, like he owns the place. You turn, almost robotically as you watch him kick off his beat up, bent out of shape trainers and pad barefoot around the place. Familiarising himself with how you live. He stops in your living space/kitchenette as you shut the door and follow him in. Ryuzaki’s still looking around with wide, curious eyes as you say, ‘I told you I was coming in tomorrow. What the ever-living heck are you doing here?!’ Ryuzaki stops looking around at this. His gaze lasers in on you. He pads over, leans in close and visibly sniffs. What the fuck?

‘You need a shower.’ He almost startles a laugh out of you with that. His actions mirror your own a few months ago when he was stinking up the hotel room, zeroed in on some aspect of the case that you were all too distracted by his stench to see- No. You’re mad at him right now. You’re not going to be taken in by this. You choose not to reply. In fact, you can’t reply because the second you open your mouth you’re going to start shouting at the top of your lungs and you usually like to pretend you have more grace and decorum than that.

Ryuzaki scratches at the back of his head, standing there casually with the other hand tucked in his jeans pocket and for the first time since you met him he looks uncomfortable. Or maybe you’re just better at reading him now. You cross your arms and stare him down. He can explain himself or he can get the fuck out. Ryuzaki doesn’t look at you, staring at a spot on the wall as he says, ‘after you left, Matsuda and Chief Yagami explained the… erroneous nature of my actions towards you. I assure you, I did not mean to embarrass, or humiliate you in any way. I was simply excited about my findings.’

Jesus fuck. Of course he wasn’t thinking about how you felt, only himself. You feel your teeth grate at the admission. But, you already knew he wasn’t the best at reading people. And you also know that he wouldn’t apologise if he didn’t mean it. Instead he’d assume you’d get over it on your own time or not come back. You uncross your arms. His eyes flicker between them and your cocked hip before landing on your face. He’s trying to read your body language. Making an active effort. Try as you might, you can’t stay mad at that, at him. You wonder if he knows it. ‘You could have told me this tomorrow, you know.’ You say softly, all the fight rushing out of you.

Ryuzaki’s staring directly at you now, making an uncomfortable amount of eye contact as he says, ‘I also did not like the idea of you being mad at me.’ You stare at him. Everytime you think you’re getting over it, getting over him, Ryuzaki pulls something like this out of his ass. If you didn’t know any better you’d think he was doing it on purpose, but you know he doesn’t think like that.

‘So you did this?’ You gesture between himself and the door.

‘...I came to your house to make a heartfelt apology? Yes.’ If it was anyone else you’d think he was being passive aggressive, but it’s not, it’s him. If he was angry he’d just tell you. He really means it. He doesn’t seem to see anything weird with how he’s behaved.

‘Ryuzaki, you turned up without warning, rang my doorbell aggressively and then tried to enter the house when I didn’t answer as fast as you liked.’

When he doesn’t say anything you throw your hands up in frustration and start to walk away. May as well take that shower now, since apparently you smell bad. At this point you don’t care whether he stays or goes.

‘I was worried.’ He says. You freeze on the stairs. He was worried? ‘That you wouldn’t come back to the taskforce. And I did, in fact, warn you. You hung up on me.’ You forget how childish he can be sometimes. But, you did hang up on him. He’s got you there.

You scoff at him either way, ‘I’m quite literally the least experienced officer there, and you’re L. No way in hell you guys need me that much.’

‘We're fighting an unknown serial killer, with an unknown, godlike method of killing their victims and our team is but a handful of people. I know that I upset you, but we do not have time for this bout of self pity or selfishness, whichever it may be. We need you. Your work and your time and your devotion to this case are invaluable. The same way Matsuda’s, Aizawa’s, Ukita’s, Mogi’s, and Chief Yagami’s work on this case is invaluable. I don’t know where you got this idea that your help is lessor because you have less experience than them but it is quite simply wrong.’ He scratches one foot against the other. ‘Or did you not mean it when you told me you were willing to die to catch Kira? Or, more like that you would die if we didn’t let you on the investigation team. That is who we need in this fight against Kira. And if that is not you, then you’re right, and you should just stay home.’

Ryuzaki moves across the room towards you while talking, and you think he’s going to walk right past where you’re standing on the stairs and out the door but he stops just before you, waiting for your response. You kind of want to cry, partially because what he said feels mean, but more so because you know it only feels that way because he’s right. You are being a big baby, putting your personal feelings above solving the case.

The fight is bigger than this, about more than you. And you’ve been putting your feelings above not only the lives of countless others but above the very concept of community driven justice and anti-authoritarianism itself. Above everything you claim to stand for. Above your coworkers too. Shit.

You look at Ryuzaki, waiting patiently a few steps below you with an entirely blank expression, like he couldn't care less which way you went. You breathe out heavily through your nose, make eye contact through your tearing eyes and nod determinedly. Ryuzaki nods back once, then looks away from you. You turn to go upstairs and shower. Once you’re out of sight you lift an arm and sniff. Oh Gods. You do need a shower. You hear a sharp but quickly stifled, ‘ha.’ from below you and your ears burn as you realise you must not be as out of sight as you think.

You shower as quickly and efficiently as possible for not having washed in a near week. No doubt Ryuzaki is sitting oddly somewhere in your very messy house at this point in time. You shudder to think of the observations he might be making about you based on his surroundings. The shower still takes you a minute though. You leave the bathroom in nothing but a towel and nearly drop it when you scream and jump; Ryuzaki is sitting directly across the hallway from you, crouched low in a squat, seemingly zoned out with his thumb between his teeth. He looks up at you and says, ‘you have a nice singing voice.’ Your face flushes with even more colour as you clutch your towel tighter to you. You nod weakly and turn sharply to go into your bedroom when Ryuzaki calls out, ‘Bambi?’

‘Yes?’ You brace yourself.

‘I’ve been thinking about our conversation from before and I wanted to inform you that I think you might be my first friend.’ That is… not what you expected him to say. His first friend? No wonder he’s so… awkward. Just how isolated has being ‘L’ made him? Your heart breaks a little for the man. Ryuzaki continues, ‘So I truly do want to impress upon you the depth of my regret that I embarrassed you before. Also Watari is in there.’

‘I-, you-, what?’ You’re so stunned you can’t get a word out.

‘You are my first ever friend, I am sorry, and Watari is in there.’ In there? As in, in your bedroom? When you do nothing but stare at him, Ryuzaki elaborates, ‘I was worried you would want to clean up to some degree, given your proclivities for chastising myself over the state of my personal living quarters, but I also didn’t want to infringe on your privacy since I apparently overstepped before, so I called him up to help.’ Ryuzaki’s looking at you with that innocent puppy dog smile again, like he’s so proud of himself. What in the world? How could he think that this is appropriate?- then it clicks: oh. This is revenge. For throwing him in the shower that one time. Just how long does this man hold his grudges for? He couldn’t do the same to you, so instead he’s bided his time until he could catch you on a similarly embarrassing transgression. Maybe he’s had no friends for a reason. You frown and then shake your wet hair as aggressively as you can, showering Ryuzaki in a cloud of very fine droplets of water. Two can play the revenge game, you smirk to yourself.

‘Oops.’ You say, with a closed smile before waltzing into your bedroom. Watari is, in fact, not in there. The room hasn’t been touched. When you stick your head back out into the hallway Ryuzaki is rubbing water off himself with the long sleeves of his shirt tucked over his hands. He waves cheerily when he sees you. So the whole thing was a joke then? Asshole. You think, not sure whether you’re more relieved, amused, or annoyed by this. Shaking the thought from your mind, you quickly change into acceptable work clothes and then gather all take out containers you can find. You can pick up the clothes later but if you know if you leave these sitting here it’ll gnaw at you all day.

Ryuzaki is gone from the hallway when you exit your room. You’re relieved he won’t see you with all this mess, that is, until you get downstairs and see him picking up singular items between his forefinger and thumb and moving them around in your kitchen. You think he might be… tidying? If you could call it that with the awkward way he’s holding things and the time it’s taking for him to decide where they go and then putting them there. Is this the first time he’s ever cleaned? …It’s kind of endearing… in an entitled-rich-asshole-who’s-never-had-to-look-after-himself kind of way. You stuff the rubbish you’re holding into the bin with as little fanfare as possible and clear your throat. ‘Ryuzaki?’ you say. He looks at you, dirty knife dangling, pinched between his two fingers and you gesture with your head towards the door. ‘Shall we go?’ He quickly looks you up and down before nodding once, dropping the knife into the sink as he passes and heading out the door.

The first thing you do when you arrive at the new hotel that’s being used for headquarters is apologise profusely for your absence. You’re brushed off in a way that feels practised and you can’t help but feel relieved. Your coworkers take the time to fill you in on the new plan as Ryuzaki crouches on the couch and stacks little coffee creamer pods on top of each other.

In two weeks, once the school term has started again, members of the task force including L himself are going to approach the people currently under the most suspicion and introduce themselves as L. The hope is to either eliminate them as plausible suspects entirely, or, in the unlikely case that one of them is Kira, to checkmate them out of being able to kill Ryuzaki or any other of the task force members.

You think this is the stupidest plan to ever exist, but you have no other. You’ve all spent the last three months pouring over facts and data and CCTV, then rechecking those facts and data and CCTV. Spitballing ideas and plans constantly and somehow the only concrete lead you’ve found is still investigating the families that Raye Penber was assigned to following. Every single dead end leads right back to it.

You understand the logic behind the idea. That if any of these people are Kira, then they won’t be able to kill the supposed ‘L’ without revealing themselves to the rest of you depending on which task force member dies. And you know that everyone will be using fake names and aliases, so if the theory about Kira needing both a name and a face to kill is true then you should all be reasonably safe while investigating them. The thing is, you’re less worried about Kira being one of them, and more worried about him not being one of them. That multiple members of the task force will be exposing themselves and their proximity to L, to Ryuzaki, for no reason. This is still an incredibly risky gamble, no matter how you slice it, but you also know it’s also the only gamble you’ve got.

After you bring this up, Ryuzaki remarks that every person involved in this plan would be able to recognise you all as police officers anyway, as they are members of someone in the police force’s family, so the need for absolute discretion is moot. And then he tells you that he already set this plan in motion a month and a half ago when he applied to To-Do university and made contact with Chief Yagami’s son, Light Yagami.

‘You didn’t tell me this.’ You say.

‘I wasn’t aware that I had to.’ The tower knocks over. Ryuzaki looks up for the first time since this conversation started. He leans forwards as he puts his thumb up to his mouth, rubbing his upper lip with it he says, ‘You’ve been unreachable for nearly five days, Bambi. Of course you’ve missed things.’ Okay, ow. That stings. You grit your teeth and look away. The room is awkwardly silent. Everyone is looking away from you two, pretending the curtains and ceiling are suddenly the most interesting things they’ve seen in their lives.

Sensing you’re going to get no help from the others, you look back at Ryuzaki and you say, ‘You made this decision over a month ago, probably longer than that with how smart you are and this is the first we’ve- the first I’ve heard about it. I know I’ve been… absent these past few days, but it won’t happen again. You can’t make decisions unilaterally. If you’d told us this before at least we would have had more time to prepare! Cover all angles! Make sure that you’re- that we’re as safe as we can be.’ Your chest is heaving by the time you finish talking.

‘Ryuzaki, perhaps we don’t punish them so harshly for this considering you are the reason they didn’t want to come to work in the first place.’ You’re thankful for the Chief’s interjection, even if it mentions the one thing you don’t want to think about right now.

Ryuzaki looks between you and the Chief, leaning in from where he’s crouched on the couch. Then he looks away and starts stacking the creamer again, ‘I didn’t inform you all of my plans before now as I was afraid that some of you would be against it.’

‘After I put cameras in my own home, Ryuzaki?’ Chief Yagami is angry now.

Ryuzaki pauses his stacking for a second, ‘You’re right. You’ve all proven beyond doubt your dedication to this case, and are not as resistant to my ideas as I expected. If we are going to continue to work together we’re going to have to trust each other fully. I’m sorry I didn’t disclose this right away. I won’t keep anything from any of you in the future.’

The room falls quiet and you sink into the seat across from Ryuzaki. He starts making a second tower out of sugar cubes. No one says anything for what feels like an incredibly long time.

You swallow and break the silence, ‘You promise you’ve thought this through?’ Ryuzaki nods shortly, not looking away from his tower; it’s leaning to one side slightly and he’s trying to readjust it.

‘It’s a net gain. Look at it this way; either we won’t meet Kira, and he won’t kill us, or, we will meet Kira, he won’t kill us and we’ll be that much closer to catching him.’

‘You really think you’ll be able to tell if someone is Kira just by telling them you’re L?’

‘That’s really just the conversation opener. I plan to interrogate Light to the best of my abilities under the guise of letting him join the task force. Although it’s not much of a guise if I intend to follow through on it. Or maybe I’ll just tell him I think he might be Kira, I’m not certain yet. It depends on how he reacts.’

‘So you do think my son is a suspect?’ Chief Yagami sounds more tired than angry.

‘I’ve been very clear about this from the start. There is a probability of one percent that your son is Kira. However, even a suspicion of one percent is worth-’

‘-Worth investigating in this case. Yes I agree. Very well then.’ The chief leans back in his seat and closes his eyes. You wonder when the last time he got some proper sleep was.

‘I truly do think we will gain invaluable information from this operation. Best case scenario, if your son is as impressive as I’ve been led to believe, we gain an effective ally against Kira. Worst case scenario, Kira joins the investigation team and cannot kill any of us without revealing himself to the others. No, actually, the worst case scenario is your son Light Yagami is not Kira but also elects not to help us with the case for any number of reasons.’

‘But what if Light is Kira and he just kills all of us?’ Matsuda sounds tense as he brings up the possibility. The chief doesn’t even flinch.

‘That’s why Watari will be working from a separate, secret location once Light joins the team, and he shall also be known only as another ‘L’, working separately from myself and the taskforce in complete anonymity.’

‘Oh because Light doesn’t know that L is only one person! That’s brilliant!’

‘Thank you.’ Ryuzaki nudges the top cube of sugar into better alignment with the rest of them, ‘Besides, as far as anyone at the university is aware my name is Hideki Ryuuga.’

‘…Hideki Ryuuga… like the singer?’

‘Yes. So even if Light is Kira and lets say he does try to kill me, A.K.A Hideki Ryuuga, we know Kira needs at least a face to kill, so chances are that he thinks of pop idol Hideki Ryuuga and kills him instead.’ Ryuzaki does not look at all bothered about what he just said. You have no idea if he’s joking or not.

You snort out a laugh. ‘You’re holding Hideki Ryuuga hostage?’

Ryuzaki looks up at you, puppy smile in place as he says, ‘Smart, isn’t it? There’ll be national outrage if Kira kills beloved pop idol Hideki Ryuuga, shifting public perception of them to resoundingly negative, ensuring any trial does not go in their favour, and we’ll know for certain who they are.’ His toes are wiggling in excitement as he says this. Wow. He is really proud of this plan isn’t he? It’s… cute. And you have to swallow your heart that’s suddenly in your throat before it shows on your face.

It’s so ridiculous you kind of want to laugh, but he’s right. As always. This is the best move in terms of spurring along the investigation; you’ve all been hitting dead end after dead end after dead end for months now, and this is a way forward. Worst case scenario you know for certain you’ve been looking in the wrong place all this time and can start over. Hopefully. Even though that sounds exhausting.. You laugh weakly. ‘Okay, well I’ll stay at the police HQ and man the phones while we do this in case anything goes wrong, since I’m the least prepared after having been off for a week.’ Ryuzaki nods like this was what he expected anyway.

The news of chief Yagami’s heart attack rattles the group; in the days after Matsuda is dropping papers constantly and Aizawa and Ukita are on a hair’s fuse. You think Ryuzaki must be shaken too, since he visited the man in the hospital but he doesn’t show it; the first thing Ryuzaki did when he got back from his meeting with Light was have your coworkers give him a detailed play by play of their investigations and findings. After concluding that none of the suspects were suspicious, Ryuzaki explained that Light would likely be joining the investigation team after his father recovered. He’d gone over the conversation with you all, explaining the traps he’d laid for Light and how he had effortlessly sidestepped them, as if he had known they were coming, or had thought about how he would reply to such questions long before they were ever asked.

Matsuda and Aizawa seemed on the fence about believing him, saying that Light was a very bright kid and that it wasn’t that weird he didn’t fall for whatever traps were laid. Ukita got straight up mad that Ryuzaki was still ‘harping on’ about this, claiming he had no solid proof. Ryuzaki reminded them that his suspicion was only at five percent or so.

You think Ryuzaki is right. Light sounds too perfect. Again. You’d had to take Ryuzaki’s word on this when he and Chief Yagami had been reviewing the surveillance tapes, having only gotten second hand information on what had happened in them, but after hearing about their conversation in detail you think that Light seems a little too prepared, that or he is a genius rivalling Ryuzaki himself. Which is such an abstract idea you’re not sure you could ever be entirely convinced of it. Sure you’ve heard the Chief talking about what a smart boy his kid was but didn’t all parents wax lyric about their child's talents?

You’re making your third (and Ryuzaki’s seventh) cup of tea when the news hits. Two cups and a stack of sugar cubes are balanced precariously on a tray in your hands when Watari comes pacing into the room and tells you all to turn to Sakura T.V. right away. The discussion about Naomi Misora immediately dries up at the sense of urgency in his voice. Sakura T.V. is known to air ridiculous, made up specials about the Kira case. They’re experts at fear mongering and stirring up excess panic within the general public against the express wishes of the Japanese police. Usually you all ignore it. You wonder what the hell they could be airing to grab Watari’s attention like this.

Watari grabs the remote and the telly flickers to life. A presenter appears on the screen and explains that the station and its staff are being held hostage by Kira himself and that they’re being forced to relay a message from him. No way in hell this is real. The presenter goes on to explain how they received several tapes in the mail- of which the first accurately predicted the time of death for two criminals, and how they have been instructed to play the second tape at five fifty-nine P.M. You glance at the clock. It’s currently five fifty-nine.

You can’t believe it. It seems your coworkers can’t quite believe it either: Ukita expresses this by saying, ‘’This has got to be another one of their fake stories, right?’

Matsuda replies, ‘No way… Not even Sakura would go this far.’ You can’t help but agree with him. The tapes must be real, or at the very least Sakura T.V must believe they are. Ryuzaki doesn’t say anything, too busy focusing on the television he’s perched in front of.

The video starts and the first thing you notice is how… unprofessional it looks. Maybe this actually is a hoax, you think, one they didn’t put much effort into, evidently. But then it can’t be a hoax run by Sakura themselves, because surely they could have at least typed the word ‘Kira’, considering they’ll have an entire department for graphics because they’re a television network. So a hoax, but not by them? Your entire world has zoomed into the television set. There’s a clatter and some far off part of you notes something warm starting to seep into your socks but you brush it off. If there’s even the slightest chance this isn’t a hoax then it’s far more important.

A voice on the tape starts talking, altered to hide the identity of the speaker. It predicts the death of Kazuhiko Himiba from Taiyo T.V at six P.M. Ryuzaki shouts for Watari to change the channel and Watari does. It switches just in time for you all to see Mr. Himiba collapsed on the news desk in front of him. Ryuzaki shouts for it to be changed back to Sakura T.V. and in the same breath requests Watari retrieve two more television sets. Watari broadly side steps you as he leaves the room and as he does you realise you’ve spilt both the cups of tea on the white-cream carpet below you. And that the liquid has been slowly seeping into your socks. Your feet are soaked.

You swear silently and side step out of the mess, shaking your feet as you do. Little tea coloured droplets fly off your feet and spatter the carpet below but you don’t even notice them. You quickly realise it’s a lost cause to try salvage your socks and slip them both off, leaving them in the wet pile on the floor as you walk barefoot towards the others, eyes trained on the television set the whole time. You stop just behind the armchair Ryuzaki is crouching on.

Either this ‘Kira’ is incredibly lucky and good at guessing… or they are really ‘Kira’, a ‘Kira’, because this tape screams ‘FAKE’ at you in big, bold letters and while the evidence may be real you don’t think that the ‘Kira’ is. This is a new ‘Kira’. A less skilled and experienced ‘Kira’. Shit. It can’t be the same one. It can’t be. You refuse to believe the original Kira would stand for this sloppy craftsmanship given the profile Ryuzaki has laid out, neither can you believe he would punish newscasters for speaking out against him- at least, not yet… You’re sure that is, in fact, in his plan somewhere down the line. All authoritarian dictators have an ego built like a brick house, that is a damn near fact.

This new ‘Kira’ informs of another scheduled death, more ‘proof’ as they put it. Ryuzaki demands the channel be changed again, and true to form the newscaster on Channel 24 has also suffered a sudden heart attack. You can’t believe what you’re seeing. Who would be so… brazen?

Ryuzaki breaks the silence, ‘They said they would be sending a message to people all over the world…’ His eyes widen as he takes in the implications of such a message reaching the masses. ‘We have to make them stop this broadcast or something terrible is going to happen!’

Matsuda lunges for the landline, ‘I’ll get Sakura T.V.’s phone number!’ He shouts. He starts trying several different phone numbers but all lines are busy.

Aizawa tries to phone someone on his mobile and then says, ‘My friend who works there has his cell phone turned off!’

‘Dammit! Then I’m going over to make them stop it myself!’ Ukita runs out the door at full speed. You can hear Matsuda dialling numbers into the landline as Aizawa curses quietly at his own phone, no doubt trying his friend’s number again.

You say, ‘Ryuzaki…’ Eyes trained wide on the television set in front of you, your voice sounds foreign to your ears, like it’s coming from someone else. Ryuzaki’s facing Sakura T.V. and Kira’s message is still playing. He waves you off over his shoulder but this is important. You reach out with a shaking hand and fumble a touch on his shoulder, ‘Ryuzaki…’ Your voice is hardly above a hoarse whisper but Ryuzaki must hear something urgent in it as he turns to look at your face. You can’t rip your eyes away from the television, you just stare at it, frozen.

You sit shakily on the arm of his chair as you mumble out, ‘That’s not Kira… I mean-, that is Kira, a Kira, but it’s not the Kira. Kira-Kira. It’s a different Kira. Do you- do you get what I’m saying?’ You can barely manage to keep the tremor out of your voice. You finally manage to tear your gaze away from the television and look at him. Ryuzaki’s got this solemn, urgent look on his face; eyes wide and focused on you, face tilted down, thumb tucked, worried, between his teeth, and you realise he knows. Of course he knows. He’s L. You forget sometimes that under all his quirky genius is, well, genius.

‘You can’t tell them.’ His voice is a hushed whisper as he nods with his head to behind him. ‘Not until we have a better handle on this. It will only cause them to panic more than they already are.’ You feel your jaw tighten as you nod at him sharply, settling in to sit more properly on the arm of the chair. Ryuzaki reaches up and pats your hand with his own, once, twice and you realise you’re still touching him, one hand braced tightly on his shoulder. You go to take it back but Ryuzaki’s grip tightens ever so slightly over your own when you shift so you leave it where it is and turn your attention back to the T.V.

The ‘Kira’ on the television starts monologuing typical Kira stuff and you only catch parts of it, vision zoomed out. Vaguely you note that you should pay better attention, but it makes you sick listening to it. ‘Kira’ prattles on about how they ‘hate evil’ and are working to create a ‘just society’. They sound like a cult leader, promising peace and security to all that blindly follow with one hand, and promising divine retribution in the form of violence for all those that speak out against them with the other. It’s authoritarian and vile.

‘Kira’ is bumbling on about the new world they intend to create, parroting the assumed ideology of the original Kira when the smaller monitor that Watari wheeled in, attuned to another news channel, switches to an emergency broadcast of the front of Sakura T.V’s offices. Your breath catches in your throat as you watch none other than Ukita accost the doors to the building, draw his gun, and then drop it before collapsing while fumbling with his belt-alarm.

‘Ukita!’ Aizawa rushes in front of you and grabs the small monitor in his hands, like he wants to reach through the screen itself and pull Ukita back to safety. There’s a lump in your throat.

‘Oh my… God! They got him?!’ Aizawa turns and starts to run out of the room.

‘Forget it, Aizawa. Where do you think you are going?’ Ryuzaki’s voice is subdued. It’s the same monotone as normal but it comes out several times quieter than it normally is. If the room wasn’t so dead silent no one would have heard it, but as silent as it is it rings loud in the empty space. Ryuzaki twists round in his seat to say this, so you’re getting up as to not get in the way when Aizawa stops in his tracks.

Aizawa’s shoulders are up around his ears, and you can hear the barely restrained anger in his voice when he says, ‘To Ukita, where else? And I’m going to get those damn videos and bring them back here.’

‘If you go over there now, you’ll only get killed.’ Aizawa turns to look at Ryuzaki. He looks… betrayed. You wince… but it is the truth. He’ll die. This new ‘Kira’ will kill him without a second glance… just like they did Ukita.

‘You trying to tell me to sit here and watch television, Ryuzaki?!’ Aizawa thunders.

‘I’m trying to tell you to calm down and be realistic.’ Ryuzaki’s voice is louder now, but his back is turned to Aizawa and while he’s looking in the right direction, his face is angled down. You realise with a start that Ryuzaki’s deliberately shielding his eyes, hiding the most expressive part of his face from him. You frown and worry your bottom lip between your teeth.

‘I want to stop that video as much as you do. And if we manage to confiscate the entire package the way it was sent, there’s a good chance we can track Kira down.’ Ryuzaki turns back to watch the television as paramedics transport Ukita’s body away from the scene. ‘But if Ukita was murdered by Kira, whoever goes there now will end up dead too.

‘This means his phoney police ID didn’t help him!! Kira knows our real names! He has to! There’s no other explanation.’ Aizawa is gesturing wildly as he speaks. He needs to calm down but there’s no way to tell him that without upsetting him further. You yourself feel equally upset, with no idea how to make any of this better. Ukita…

‘That might be true. But if you’re right, it would make much more sense for Kira to murder everyone on the task force…’ Ryuzaki’s keyed in, eyes trained on the televisions in front of him in case anything new happens. ‘I deduced that Kira needs to know someone’s name and face to kill them. But from seeing this, I’d have to conclude that seeing their face alone could be enough. All I can say for sure at this time is…’ He pauses, ‘…Ukita was killed because he went over there. It happened just as other networks started reporting from in front of Sakura T.V. And that means Kira is either inside Sakura, or some place where he can see people entering Sakura. That, or he set up a surveillance camera there in advance.’

You look between Matsuda and Aizawa helplessly, as you’re facing the room and not the T.V. you can see the strain on both their faces. Matsuda looks helpless, but Aizawa looks like he can’t believe it, or that he won’t. He shouts, ‘Well, if Kira’s around there right now, that’s all the more reason for us to go!!’

Ryuzaki’s head dips again, hands wrapped tightly around his legs, two fingers wiggling one of his toes back and forth in a staccato rhythm. He’s doing it so aggressively it looks like it hurts. ‘I’ll say it again- if you go there now, you will be killed. Please understand.’

‘No. I don’t understand.’ There’s a tight fury to Aizawa’s words. He grabs Ryuzaki by the collar of his shirt roughly. You flinch, and your hands try and come up to stop him but your feet won’t move. You’re frozen in place. Aizawa’s shouting now, ‘Ukita might’ve been murdered!! By Kira!! I thought we were risking our lives to arrest that bastard!!’ You want to cry. Aizawa doesn’t seem to understand that if you all go now, that everything will be lost. And Kira will win. Then Ukita will have died for nothing.

Ryuzaki clutches his legs tighter to him, he ducks his head even further as he says, ‘Risking your life and doing something that could easily rob you of your life are exact opposites.’ He sounds exactly the same as normal, except his hands are shaking, overcome by tremors as he clings to his legs like a lifeline. ‘I understand your feelings, but please try to control yourself right now. Ukita is dead… If you go over there and lose your life too, Aizawa…’ Ryuzaki doesn’t continue. Maybe he can’t. You can tell by the look on Aizawa’s face that he finally understands. That Ryuzaki isn’t being callous or unfeeling. He’s feeling exactly the same despair as Aizawa is right now, it's just an impossible situation, and Ryuzaki is attempting to save as many lives as possible. Aizawa lets go of him.

You restrain yourself from giving Aizawa a dirty look as you walk over to where Ryuzaki is sitting again. You know Aizawa’s upset, but you’re so angry at how he accosted Ryuzaki. You want to rush over and fuss over Ryuzaki to make sure he’s okay but you know now is not the time, and that you might agitate Ryuzaki even further by doing so. You don’t even know if he wants to be touched right now so you ask quietly, ‘Can I sit here?’, gesturing to the arm of the chair again. Ryuzaki nods minutely and you reperch yourself on the edge of the chair. You’re more leaning against it than sitting but you’re just glad to be close to him at all. Ryuzaki’s gaze is focused on the T.V. again, but you feel him pat your wrist clumsily before withdrawing his hand. You breathe in deeply to recentre yourself for whatever comes next.

It’s silent for what feels like forever but you know rationally must only be a few minutes. The only sound in the room is ‘Kira’ finishing up their manifesto and starting to talk about police cooperation. They say that Sakura T.V. has two more tapes. One to air in the event the police cooperate and the other to air in the event they don’t. ‘Kira’ states that the appropriate tape is to be aired at six-ten P.M. on April 22nd, directly after the police publically report their official response.

The next sound is so loud it comes out the tiny monitor's little speakers as a tinny screech and then a loud PFFT before the sound cuts out entirely. It hurts your ears and you squeak a little in fright. Ryuzaki tucks an arm around your midriff and leans into you, his face smushing against your hip and the hand that’s playing with his mouth bumping against the top of your thigh. He doesn’t stop looking at the television. You brush a hand over his hair and drop it onto his shoulder, so Ryuzaki knows the touch isn’t unwelcome. He squeezes you minutely in response. You know this is his attempt to comfort you amidst all the chaos and your face flushes for it, but there’s no time to be shy right now so you push the feeling down to investigate later. An armoured truck has crashed through the glass front of Sakura T.V. 's offices. What the fuck.

Kira’s video keeps playing throughout the interruption, which makes sense as it’s pre-recorded, but it is still jarring to hear nonsense such as: ‘If it is an official police announcement, no spokesperson has to appear on screen.’ while watching the front of Sakura T.V.’s building crumple like a house of cards as an official police vehicle bombards through it.

‘What the hell!’ Aizawa and Matsuda exclaim.

‘Well… That’s certainly one way of entering without anyone seeing your face.’ You snort in response; Ryuzaki’s dry wit during the most inappropriate moments never fails to startle a laugh out of you. ‘But if Kira got Ukita, there’s a good chance he’s inside. If he’s anywhere inside the lobby, this could be really risky…’

‘But who the hell is it? Someone on our side?’ Matsuda questions.

‘Well, it is a police vehicle.’ Aizawa answers him.

You all watch silently as a suited man wearing his jacket over his head and covering his face drops out of the truck. The video isn’t super clear, being shot from so far away, but the man appears to speak to a security guard inside and then runs off-screen. All you can do now is wait. Your hand drops from your mouth and you place it over Ryuzaki’s, gripping it tight in fear. There’s spit on your index finger from where you’d been worrying your nail with your teeth. You didn’t think to wipe it on your trousers before touching Ryuzaki but he links his fingers through yours either way. At some point during this, someone puts on subtitles for the monitor showing the outside of Sakura T.V.

Another police car drives up to the front of Sakura T.V.’s building. Matsuda says, ‘We aren’t alone in this… There are other cops who’re ready to stand up and fight against Kira…’ It sounds redundant to say considering what you’re viewing on-screen, however after the mass resignation of most of the officer’s on the Kira case at the start of the year, it truly had felt like your tiny team were the only people in the world actively opposing Kira. It warms your heart to see you are not fighting alone.

‘Yes, so it seems.’ Ryuzaki’s voice comes out slightly muffled from where he’s pressed to your side. His head lifts for a second as he readjusts and then leans back in, ‘When you think about it, the people who are in the task force are just one small section of the Japanese police.’ Ryuzaki’s head turns towards the other slightly, ‘Aizawa, you know Deputy Chief Kitamura’s cell phone number, don’t you?’

‘Uh, yeah.’

‘Call him. If he picks up, please hand the phone over to me.’ Ryuzaki turns his head back and looks up at you, ‘I’m going to need my hands back for this, Bambi.’ You let go of where you're holding him, and he retracts the arm that’s around you but puts both of them on top of your legs instead, using you as a makeshift table. He takes the phone off of Aizawa when it’s proffered.

‘This is L.’ Ryuzaki says into the receiver.

Logically, you know that Ryuzaki is L. You’ve even thought about ‘L’ in reference to Ryuzaki before but it’s still weird to hear it aloud. Maybe because you weren’t in the room during the meetings where he was still using the alias, maybe because ‘L’ still seems larger than life to you. ‘I have a request. There will be more officers driven to act on their own after seeing this broadcast. Unless strictly coordinated action is taken, we’ll have a major tragedy on our hands.’

Like his words are magic, or perhaps a premonition, the officer’s in the police car exit it and immediately collapse, presumably dead. The reporter on scene informs the audience that they will be moving to a safer location, but leaving the camera behind as to continue the broadcast. You listen intently as Ryuzaki-no, as L dictates his plan to Deputy Chief Kitamura over the phone. You’re hoping to help fill any gaps he misses in his reasoning but there are none. L rattles off instruction after instruction, covering all bases and possible weak points Kira could exploit before you even think of them while drumming the fingers of his other hand upon your knee. Just as L’s saying, ‘Yes… That’s right, they should never show their faces.’ Watari’s phone beeps, alerting you all to an incoming call. You keep your eyes trained on the television, you’re determined to help in some way so you’ve decided to focus on being alert to witness if anything changes.

‘It’s Chief Yagami.’ Watari says.

Matsuda shouts, ‘What? The boss?!’

L holds his hand out for the phone wordlessly before saying, ‘Yes, thank you Deputy Chief Kitamura. No, wait, please stay on the line.’, into the other phone. Watari is already dialling Chief Yagami back on a different phone. He hands the phone to L, who puts it to his other ear. ‘Chief Yagami, it’s me. So it was you in that armoured truck.’ You almost don’t believe it. The man was in the hospital not a half hour ago. You hear L inquire about Chief Yagami’s ‘condition’, which is obviously his recent heart attack, and then ask him to, ‘hold on for a moment’. You pray to any god living that the Chief’s not in need of medical attention.

L informs the Deputy Chief that it was Chief Yagami in the truck, and then tells Yagami to ‘rest there for five minutes’ before heading out. You let out the breath you’d been holding. The Chief isn’t hurt. Now you can only hope your plan- L’s plan works. You all watch with bated breath as several armoured trucks pull up in front of Sakura T.V. 's offices, and then line after line of police officers decked out in full riot gear file out of the trucks and line up in front of the building. With the trucks and the officer’s in place, your view of the ground floor from the news broadcast is completely blacked out and you are filled with a strange mix of anxiety and relief. At least you know it’s effective. Whether it will work on Kira is another question entirely.

You all wait with baited breath. The way the line of sight to Sakura T.V. is blocked is both an incredibly good sign and an excruciating anxiety inducer because you can’t see what is going on. You have to keep reminding yourself that that means Kira probably can't either, so it’s a good thing. The wait feels incredibly long, but eventually the door behind you bursts open and Watari staggers in, supporting the Chief’s body weight on his shoulder.

‘Chief!’

‘Chief, sir…’

The Chief looks bedraggled. Sweaty and slumped as he leans heavily on Watari. Your heart fills with worry for him. He raises his head slightly to look at Ryuzaki, and even that looks like it takes a tremendous amount of effort. He says, ‘I’m sorry for taking things into my own hands like that Ryuzaki… I let my emotions get the better of me…’

‘That’s fine,’ Ryuzaki replies.

‘The video tapes. The envelope they all came in. It’s all in here.’ The Chief is panting and holding a paper bag emblazoned with, ‘Sakura T.V.’. His face doesn’t even flicker as he takes in how close you’re both sitting, he just hands the bag to Ryuzaki over the back of the armchair before turning around to collapse onto a nearby couch with the help of Matsuda, saying, ‘Let me lie down for a while.’

While the Chief may have had no reaction to it, it doesn’t change how rapidly it dawns on you how unprofessional you both must look, but before you can get up Ryuzaki props the bag open on your lap and starts digging though it. You see him mouthing words to himself as he looks through the items, carefully cataloguing them in his mind before extracting them out. He hands the envelope to Aizawa, with a request to send it to forensics.

You can hear Matsuda on the phone in the background while Aizawa tells Ryuzaki that he knows people on the team, and that they should be able to get fingerprints, as well as maybe DNA from the stamps, as well as information about where everything was bought from, possibly including the make and model of the camera the tapes were filmed on. Aizawa also says he’ll be sure to make the team study the tapes without sound, so they don’t hear what’s on them.

Ryuzaki picks up the bag and drums his fingers once against your knee sharply, so you stand up. He stands to his full height on the armchair before clambering down and you’re struck again by just how tall he is, even slouched. He lopes over to the coffee table before putting the items down on it. You help him sort the tapes from the copies and hand the original’s over to Aizawa. Matsuda comes over to tell you both that he’s going to drive the Chief home and then come back. Ryuzaki tells him that it’s better to get a good night's sleep instead and come back tomorrow fresh along with everyone else.

Oh. Somehow, in all of this mess, you’d forgotten about going home. Usually you can’t wait to tuck up into your bed and sleep off the stress of the day, but thinking about it right now your house just seems big and empty, the last place you currently want to be, so you say, ‘Actually… Ryuzaki… I was hoping I could stay? I don’t think I’m going to get any sleep after everything that’s happened, and I started later than everyone else because I stayed late last night so I’m not that tired anyways. I feel fine.’ Doubt clouds your mind for a second that maybe Ryuzaki wants you all gone so you add. ‘Um, if you want to study what’s on those tapes yourself first I can put on some headphones and just work on acquainting myself with anything else I missed last week.’

Ryuzaki is studying one of the physical copies of the tapes on the table. He doesn’t pause in turning it over in his hands as he says, ‘you can stay.’ You let out a breath you didn’t know you’d been holding.

Aizawa ducks out first, then Matsuda and the Chief make their exit together. You shout out for the Chief to get home safe and get some rest before walking back into the room. You walk over to where Ryuzaki is perched on the couch facing the table. He’s lined up all the tapes in a row, and behind you you can hear Watari setting up the VCR. Ryuzaki looks at you and then over at Watari and says, ‘We should move the couch.’

It’s not at all what you’re expecting to hear so you say, ‘What?’ Ryuzaki repeats himself like you didn’t hear him.

‘No, I get it, I heard you I just- why?’

Ryuzaki looks at you and then looks over to the television set. ‘So we don’t have to try and sit on the same tiny armchair. Why aren’t you wearing socks?’ Ryuzaki’s looking at your bare feet now.

Your face colours. ‘Yes, right. Of course. So we don’t have to share a chair. Okay.’ You’re nodding like it should have been obvious to you. Like you weren’t fully thinking about sitting nearly on him again. No, there would be a respectable distance left between you both now that there is no on-going crisis that you aren’t coping well with. You’re going to sit nicely apart. Like normal coworkers, where one of them doesn’t have the biggest crush in the world on the other. Like-

‘Your feet. Why are they bare?’ Ryuzaki’s looking you right in the eyes and you feel caught somehow, exposed like you did something wrong. Embarrassed you were yet again swept away in your thoughts, you splutter out, ‘Why are you barefoot huh?’ Your body feels hot. Nerves open and sparking like a live wire.

Ryuzaki looks down like it never occurred to him, and his toes wiggle like they’re saying hello, ‘I’m always barefoot. You take your shoes off because, and I quote, ‘the carpet is too nice in here for me to ruin with my muddy footprints,’ even though you never have mud on your shoes. You’re never barefoot.’

‘I-’ You look down at your toes. You don’t know why you’re barefoot. Then it comes flooding back to you in a rush, and you remember. Your stomach drops. ‘Oh shit. The carpet!’

You turn on your heel and sprint over to where you dropped the tea earlier. Ryuzaki chokes from somewhere behind you at your profanity. Shit shit fuck. You can’t believe you forgot- how could you forget? You’re so stupid. The stain is huge. How could you-?

You need something to clean with. What can you clean with? You shuffle through the drawers and cupboards in the tiny kitchenette and find nothing. You quickly scan the room behind you, just couches and Ryuzaki staring at you over his shoulders with wide eyes. You try the bathroom and as soon as you find something suitable you run back through.

You drop to your knees over the stained patch of carpet and start trying to soak up as much as you can. You can feel tears start to prick at your eyes. It doesn’t budge. Not even a little. Your movements are frantic, panicked and jerky, desperately trying to soak up the copious amounts of cold tea that’s been steeping in the white cream carpet when you hear Ryuzaki pad up behind you. His bare feet creep into your view before he crouches down beside you and puts a hand on your back.

‘It’s just a carpet.’ He doesn’t sound worried.

‘Yes, but it’s not my carpet and I ruined it.’ Your voice comes out choked, small and you curse it in your head. Trying not to cry over something so small, you curl into yourself, ashamed as a sob chokes rattles your chest and escapes wetly out your mouth. You’re not even dabbing at the floor anymore, just clutching what you think might be an old shirt between tight fists, as you slowly realise it’s probably Ryuzaki’s old shirt, given this is his hotel room. You don’t even know where you got it from. ‘Oh.’ You say, voice tight and small as you stare at it. ‘Ryuzaki, your shirt. I didn’t-’ Another sob escapes you, ‘I didn’t even realise. I’m sorry.’ You feel pathetic, body screwed up tight and small, curled over your knees and trying to hide your face from him. Your knees are cold from where they’re pressed into the wet patch on the carpet.

Ryuzaki reaches out and loosens your grip on the shirt. You watch as his long pale fingers wrap gently around your own and then firmly squeeze until you manage to let go. He takes it from you and drops it on the floor out of your reach. You cover your face with your shaking hands. You don’t care that they’re kind of damp from the tea, you don’t want to look at him.

‘Leave it. Watari will deal with it later. Or, housekeeping will.’ Ryuzaki pulls your hands away from your face.

You’re so embarrassed. Your face must be red and splotchy and you can feel your eyes watering with unshed tears but Ryuzaki looks at you the same way he always does. Like you’re no different. His eyes are set wide with curiosity as normal, the only difference is that he’s very close to your face. Like centimetres away. If you focused you could probably feel his breath. Is Ryuzaki… worried? ‘You said you were fine.’ The way he says it doesn’t sound accusatory. You worry it is all the same.

You nod, sniffing, wipe at your nose with your elbow. ‘I thought I was,’ you say weakly.

Ryuzaki looks down for a second, mouth a flat line, clearly thinking before he says, ‘What we saw today would have shaken up anyone. It would be weirder if you weren't affected…’ There's a pause before he says, ‘…Would a hug help?’ You nod, shakily and Ryuzaki uses his grip on your hands to pull you up and onto him, wrapping his arms tight around your back. Ryuzaki sits back out of his usual pose, with his legs on either side of you. He tucks your face into his neck and lays his hand on the back of your head. He holds you tightly, arms and legs pressing into you from either side, and the compression of it helps you calm down.

It takes a second but soon you feel calm enough to notice the mild rocking motion Ryuzaki’s doing. You don’t know if he’s doing it for you or if it’s just a subconscious movement. You sniff wetly against his neck and laugh. What a hellish day. ‘What?’ Ryuzaki asks. His voice is low against your ear and an involuntary shudder runs through you at the timbre of it. You hope he doesn’t notice.

‘Nothing. I just- I can’t believe how real this has suddenly gotten. I mean, Ukita…’ Your voice breaks, and you hiccup slightly.

Ryuzaki pulls back from you at this. Props you up with two hands on your shoulders. You take the opportunity to wipe some of the wetness off your face and try to smile weakly at him.

‘You don’t have to be here. It’s only going to get more dangerous from this point onwards. If any part of you is doubting your conviction, you’re free to leave. No, if that’s the case then you should leave. No one will blame you.’

You shake your head tiredly. ‘In for a penny, in for a pound, right?’ Sensing Ryuzaki’s about to undercut you again, you say, ‘I’m not doubting myself. This hasn’t changed anything for me. If anything it’s made me more determined to catch Kira- the Kira’s. To avenge Ukita if nothing else. Today was just… a lot.’

Ryuzaki nods at the conviction in your voice more than your words. ‘Then we should get started.’ He runs a thumb over your cheek then tugs pointedly at the wet fabric around your knees. ‘You should take a shower, Bambi.’ Ryuzaki gets to his feet and offers you a hand, the other tucked nonchalantly in his pocket. His whole body leans to one slide with his slouch and you find yourself unintentionally sitting on your knees before him, his hips angled out towards your face.

You’re suddenly hit in the face with how much you want to put Ryuzaki’s cock in your mouth and suck until he meets God. How can he be so attractive doing something as simple as standing? You think maybe there’s something wrong with you, swinging from panicked to horny in a second flat but maybe not normal is normal when you’ve suddenly come face to face with mortal peril. ‘I’ll have Watari leave out a set of clean set of clothes for you. In the meantime, I’m going to review the tapes by myself, then I can summarise them for you before we watch them together so you’re prepared.’ Face flushed hot with what you’ve been thinking, you tear your eyes away from Ryuzaki’s pelvis to grab his hand and allow him to help you up. You’re surprised he doesn’t call you out for spacing again but maybe he thinks it’s part of your mini-breakdown. Or he’s just being nice.

‘I- Thank you.’ You can’t meet his eyes. You can feel Ryuzaki’s gaze on your face so you duck your head and turn away. You practically run down the hallway to the bathroom with your tail tucked between your legs. You hear, ‘You’re welcome.’ as you enter the bathroom, so you stick your head back out the door to catch sight of Ryuzaki’s back as he casually turns towards the living area. Did he… watch you walk away? No. Couldn’t be. You’re overthinking.

You shake your head clear and step back into the bathroom. Inside the room there’s an empty vanity in front of a huge mirror with several white fluffy towels stacked on it; good to know you won’t have to go looking for those. The shower is behind a large glass panel which quickly steams up when you turn the water on. The heat of it helps you calm down your anxious racing thoughts and steady the tremble in your hands.

Only after you’ve washed all the panic away and are stepping out does it occur to you that you don’t have any clean clothes inside the bathroom. You know Ryuzaki said that Watari would get you some but maybe you were supposed to get them off him before? Your mind starts to race before you take a deep breath to calm yourself down. It doesn’t matter. You’re okay. You dry yourself off and wrap yourself tightly in the towel. The cold rush of air when you open the door causes you to pause before leaning out of the bathroom slightly, ‘hey, Ryuzaki?’ You call out to him.

‘On the floor.’ Is the clipped response you get. You can hear the television from where you’re standing, but you’re not sure what tape Ryuzaki is on. You look down. Oh. There’s a white t-shirt and some plaid pyjama pants folded at your feet. You snort slightly. Of course. Sometimes you wonder how the hell you became a police officer in the first place. You pick up the clothes and retreat into the bathroom to put them on.

The shirt is a soft cotton and sits on you nicely. You note it's the same shape and style as Ryuzaki usually wears with a distant fondness and-oh. You really are unobservant sometimes. You didn’t realise, because the trousers are clearly pyjama bottoms, made of a blue plaid with some gold threads running through them, and not the jeans he usually wears but these look like Ryuzaki’s clothes because they are Ryuzaki’s clothes. Oh.

You bring the front of the shirt up to your nose and inhale. It mainly smells like laundry detergent but clinging to it in an undercurrent there's the unmistakable smell of him. Unmistakable from the amount of times you’ve pushed him towards the shower but this scent isn’t a bad one, it’s more akin to the fond feeling behind a lingering hug or a wet day after a bout of unending dry heat. Familiar and welcome.

The pyjama bottoms are so long on you, you have to pick them up when you walk. You stumble only once while walking back through to the room. Ryuzaki has moved the furniture around so that the couch is angled in front of the television. There’s an open laptop on the floor in front of the couch and you wonder what it was he was looking up. One of the Kira videos is paused on the television, and Ryuazaki is perched on the couch in front of it eating a slice of cake with a small fork, one that seems designed for cake specifically from the looks of it. Ryuzaki gestures with the fork when he notices you’re in the room and you see that on the arm of the couch there’s a small plate with another slice and a cake fork on it for you. Ryuzaki presses play on the video once you’ve picked it up and sat down.

The first video is as Sakura T.V. described it, predicting the deaths of Seiichi and Seiichi Machiba at seven P.M. with nothing else on it. The second is the same one that aired on television earlier this evening. Once it’s finished Ryuzaki pauses the T.V. and then turns to you. ‘Earlier, after watching this video for the first time, you deduced that there was not one Kira, but two. And that this video was, in fact, made by the latter- that is to say, not the original. An astute observation, and one I shared in. What led you to this conclusion?’

You place your plate on the ground in front of you, then shift in your seat to turn and face Ryuzaki, swinging your legs up on the couch between you both and then tucking your feet into the ends of the pants. The edges of Ryuzaki’s mouth turn up when you do this. ‘Well… Kira’s never made a public statement before, right? At least, not one with words.’ You tap the end of your fork against your knee, thinking, ‘And they must have an incredible amount of pride, given what you’ve said on their motives before and considering the ego they’ve displayed; the clues they sacrificed just to get a point across to you… Points that the rest of us missed out on entirely before you explained them as well, and if Kira is as smart as we think then they would know that. So clearly they’ve got a thing about you specifically. Like when they killed your stand in on live T.V. and then couldn’t kill you after. It must have driven them crazy, trying to show the world that Kira is God only to have their plans fouled so easily on live television. Maybe that’s when it started…

‘And you were able to use that to figure out they need a name, or needed a name. So they’re baited pretty easily. All of this says they’re a very proud person. They’d have to be to think that they alone can be judge and jury of all criminals.

‘And adding in the fact that they’ve seen your logo with the voice changer and everything from back then and I just… I couldn’t believe that that person, that incredibly childish and egotistical and selfish person who has decided they’re in a heads on battle with you, L, would put out a video that doesn’t even have typed font! They just… don’t fit the profile.’ You shrug. ‘That’s the first thing I thought, when I saw it.’ You do air quotes, ‘This is a hoax. Kira wouldn’t put something so unprofessional out. Not as their first commandments or whatever- because that’s how they’d think of it. …But then they killed five people on live television, so… obviously not a hoax, just a copycat. The real Kira is probably seething right now.’

Ryuzaki hums, considering what you’ve said, and drums his fingers on the edge of his knee before saying, ‘Interesting... I had the exact same thoughts. Shoddy craftsmanship, the handwriting, the use of an at-home-video camera; all of this suggests that whoever made this video has priorities other than addressing the general public as a spokesperson for Kira or as Kira themselves, or they’d care more about the presentation. So there’s potentially a hidden agenda. There’s also the inconsistent sound quality, which suggests that this was recorded in segments, likely this Kira was interrupted while filming and had to rewind the tape to re-record those parts- whereas I think the real Kira would have recorded the whole thing in one take, no matter how many times it took.

‘This Kira seems to be lacking in both patience and technical know-how, as the sound quality is far worse than if they had just used a voice changer. No. It’s likely the audio was recorded on another device and then played back and picked up by the camera’s microphone. Plus, they copied the font I use when presenting as ‘L’ to the public, when Kira would likely want to set himself apart from me, as if Kira ever gets my name they will likely try to kill me and then villianise me. The font association between us would not be something they want linking us together no matter how petty they are…

‘Moreover, the criminal’s who are predicted to die in the first tape are both low-level drug offenders. I looked it up while you were in the shower. They’re the kind of criminal that’s only reported in gossipy magazines, not major news outlets. Every time Kira has wanted to make a statement, or respond in some way to an assumption that we have made and has been taken note of somewhere in the NPA’s records, he has used high-profile criminals that at their times of death were incarcerated so that they would be found by prison guards immediately. This makes me think that this ‘second Kira’ wanted to avoid any high profile criminals, lest the original Kira killed them first and rendered their predictions incorrect.

‘Considering all these ideas put together, I believe the real intention of these videos is to let Kira, the real Kira, know that they have a supporter out there with the same, or better, powers and that they’re willing to use them to aid Kira in their cause. In all probabilities, the second Kira made this video to get the original Kira’s attention and praise. They seem to be incredibly childish with no real regard for the value of human life, fitting for a minion of Kira.’

Ryuzaki gets quiet after saying all this, looking intensely at his knees. You think that he’s lost in thought when he snaps his head up to look at you and says, ‘You’ve got very good reasoning skills, most people wouldn’t come to such a conclusion so quickly. I see now why you became a police officer… However, I do disagree with you on one part.’ Ryuzaki leans over the edge of the couch to take another slice of cake, proffered by Watari. He immediately takes a huge bite of it.

You’re silent for a moment,‘...You see now?’

Ryuzaki gives you a sheepish smile. ‘I did doubt your conviction for a moment there-’

‘I already said sorry for-!’

‘No, not that. When you first arrived at headquarters. You were so… timid. Especially compared to the you that demanded to be put on the Kira taskforce otherwise you would go on a suicide mission to hunt them down yourself. After meeting you in person, I thought you would get a glimpse of the danger involved in this case and go running home, tail tucked between your legs. But you’re not like that at all, are you?’ Ryuzaki’s looking at you with searching eyes and you’re not sure what to say.

You should be offended. You want to be offended but he’s looking at you so intently with wide eyes and a slight upturn to the sides of his open mouth, finger playing with his lip like he does when he’s focusing. Like you’re a puzzle he can’t quite figure out and you feel… important and exciting. Like the world could end and you’d be just fine as long as he keeps looking at you like that.

‘You’ve got a lot more conviction that I initially gave you credit for, but conviction alone doesn’t make for a good cop, a decent one, maybe, but good? No. You need to understand how criminals think for that. And you do. I think with some training you would become a force to be reckoned with. You’ve got the makings of a detective about you, Bambi.’ Ryuzaki looks up at the ceiling, face inquisitive as he tries to recall something, ‘It doesn’t happen often- actually, I don’t think it’s happened ever, but I am quite happy to have been wrong about you.’ He flashes you what you think is supposed to be a winning grin but comes out far softer and slightly lopsided, like he’s inviting you into his personal world with nothing but a smile and your brain short circuits with want.

‘I- um, thank you…’ You say quietly. You’re scrambling for what to say in response to his compliments as Ryuzaki shoves the last of his cake in his mouth. He points at the leftover cake on your plate with his fork and a question in his raised brow and you nod, mutely. Ryuzaki leans over, places his hands on the floor, and uses them to ‘walk’ over to the plate and grab it before sitting up. You snort. It’s both incredibly childish, and a ridiculously casual display of athleticism. Very Ryuzaki of him. Seeing him be so normal helps you reorganise your thoughts and remember what you were talking about before he derailed you with sentiments of incredible sincerity. ‘Ryuzaki. You said before that you disagreed with me on one of my points. Which was it?’

‘Kira,’ It comes out garbled; Ryuzaki has a terrible habit of speaking with his mouth full. You watch him chew twice, very deliberately, then swallow. He points with the fork as he talks. ‘The real Kira, is not angry. At least, not properly. They're more likely ecstatic right now and thinking of how best to use this other Kira to their advantage. That is if they saw the broadcast. Which they will at some point, we just won’t know when exactly that is. But, think of it this way, Kira has just gained a follower who believes in their ‘commandments’, as you put it, with enough conviction to not hesitate before killing five people on live television. They also seem to have the power to kill without needing someone’s name. Kira has just gained an incredibly powerful ally. We cannot allow these two Kira’s to meet. It would be disastrous for us.’

‘Oh. Yeah that makes sense.’ You look back down at your feet. There’s a loose thread on the pyjama bottoms you’re wearing and you pick at it.

‘Don’t misunderstand. I’m still very impressed.’ You look up at that. ‘I think you’ve got a very good understanding on who Kira likely is, from the profile. However, you missed the bigger picture part of this, which is that Kira will constantly be thinking, ‘how can I use this to my advantage?’ We should be thinking of how Kira will be attempting to use this, but also how we can use this.

‘Now, tell me what you meant when you said, ‘commandments’. You think he’s trying to start a religion?’ He takes another bite of the cake in front of him, scraping icing around on the plate to get the optimal bite.

‘More like a cult.’ You snort. Ryuzaki just stares at you, chewing. He gestures for you to continue with his fork when you don’t say anything more.

‘Well… I don’t think it’s like, anything they’re trying to do on purpose, y’know.’ You prop your chin on your knees and look away from Ryuzaki’s eyes, chewing your lip and fiddling with your toes. His stare is too heavy, revealing. It’s like he sees into your head and how much you value what he has to say, ‘You said once that Kira thought of themselves like a God right? I just figured that’s how they would think of it. Their first public appearance. It’s gotta be important to them. That’s why I thought they’d be angry. Not only was it taken from them, it was taken by someone with the same powers but clearly less skill and intelligence, meaning that Kira is no longer special.’

Ryuzaki nods slowly, ‘I agree. How they’ve been slowly seeding their rhetoric in the public consciousness without actually saying anything is likely so that each person subconsciously tailors it specifically to their own individual morals. Actions are much easier to misinterpret and misalign with your own sense of justice than words. Any degree of evil can be excused if you don’t think the person doing the evil is intending to be evil. So having someone else, no less someone with considerably less intelligence putting out a message relaying,’ Ryuzaki does air quotes, ‘‘Kira’s’ intentions so plainly, especially with the killing of innocents involved, I do not think they will be happy per se. However, I do think they will be putting a positive spin on this. They’ve gained an incredibly powerful ally for what could shape up to be a minor setback. Plus, once Sakura airs this fourth tape, they’ll have all the more reason to be thankful.’

Ryuzaki gestures to the frozen T.V. screen, speaking with his mouth full again. He swallows, you watch his throat bob and you think about placing your hand against it and feeling the movement. The thought rattles around your brain, blocking out his voice and reverberating until it’s all you’re thinking about… Sitting in his lap, feeding him cake with your hands, feeling his neck as he swallows… Letting him lick the icing off your fingers, pressing them down against his tongue... If he would gag… If his wide eyes would water as he stares at you, his pale lips glistening with saliva, his spit coating your fingers and running down your arm.

‘-Bambi?’ Oh shit. ‘Did you hear what I said?’ Seriously, what is wrong with you today? Your emotions seem to be on a hair trigger because of everything that’s happened.

‘Oh, um. No, sorry I got- got distracted, I-um.’ You don’t know what to fucking say. You don’t know why it’s happening now of all times. Maybe because it’s the first time you’ve been alone with him since it happened; the last time you got ‘distracted’ Ryuzaki called you out in front of the whole room and told everyone you were thinking about fucking him. Your face heats and you have to sit back a little with how fast the blood has rushed to your head. Anxiety pricks at the back of your neck and your face feels hot and you’re a little humiliated and he hasn’t even said anything. Yet. You’re waiting for him to say something when you feel a hand brush the side of your neck and settle on your shoulder.

‘Breathe.’ Ryuzaki says and you realise you’ve got your eyes screwed shut, but you can’t quite bring yourself to open them and look at him. His hand squeezes slightly and you notice that your shoulders are tucked up around your ears, tense. With a little effort you move them back down. You’re mentally preparing to open your eyes again, embarrassed at being caught out and then even more embarrassed at freaking out over it when Ryuzaki’s hand slides down to your forearm, hooks behind your elbow and pulls. Your eyes fly open in shock as you go flying forwards with a squeak, Ryuzaki catches you by placing his other arm on your midsection as you move. You land on his chest with an ‘oof’ noise. His hands slide round to the small of your back as you lie there, mind reeling. Just how strong is Ryuzaki? He clearly practises some kind of martial art from how smooth that was.

One of Ryuzaki’s hands comes up to smooth over your hair and you go, ‘Um… what?’ He huffs a laugh breathlessly above you. You feel his chest contract beneath you with the sound.

‘You looked like you were panicking again. This was what helped before.’ Oh. That’s so… sweet, you think. Ryuzaki’s legs are spaced on either side of you, knees up as usual but all his weight is leaned back against the couch. Your face is tucked against his chest, so you don’t have to worry about hiding your smile from him. The weight of his hand rubbing circles on your back is more… distracting than calming, but your panic has completely dissipated with his touch. Maybe you were more worried about what he thinks of you than what you were actually thinking about.

‘I guess I was right.’ Ryuzaki says. His voice is a deep rumble with your ear pressed to his chest like this. His hand leaves the back of your head and his thumb brushes along the curve of your smile. Your eyes widen. Huh. Maybe you’re not as hidden as you thought. You feel your face flush cherry red so you bury it in his chest. Ryuzaki puts his hand back on your nape.

You should say something. You know you should say something, excuse your behaviour somehow but you don’t know how to. Your mind is racing yet somehow entirely blank. The only thought in there is chasing itself around, slipping between variations of ‘he’s so pretty’ and ‘oh sweet fuck, I can feel him pressed against me’ and ‘this is so… nice’. The last one is somehow more surprising than you think it should be.

Ryuzaki’s hips flex as he shifts how he’s sitting to make himself more comfortable underneath you. Oh god. He grabs the remote from where he left it. ‘You really need to work on your focus. I’ll let you off this time, since it’s been a rough day for all of us. But, really, think of today this way: we’ve gained an invaluable opportunity to move forward with the case here.’ Yes. The case. That’s what you’re distracted by, not… other things. You wonder for a second if there is something actually wrong with you considering everything that’s happened today and all you can think about is how Ryuzaki feels pressed up against you.

‘Can I put in the next tape?’ Ryuzaki asks, and you thank god for the distraction from your… distraction, as another thought has joined the relay going on in your brain and it’s the feeling of Ryuzaki flexing his hips against you over and over. What it would be like if he did it on purpose…. If it would feel any different with the proper intention behind it… You squirm slightly from where you’re laid between his legs, nodding at him and pretending your pussy isn’t starting to tingle with the thoughts that you’re having.

Ryuzaki calls out for Watari to ask him if he can change the tape, and you latch onto it for something to think about other than him and the way his arms are wrapped around you.

‘I have a question.’ You say quietly into Ryuzaki’s chest.

‘Is it to do with the case?’ He asks.

‘No. Not really.’ You cringe, thinking he’s not interested in hearing it but Ryuzaki simply hums and continues tracing circles on the small of your back with the hand not holding the remote.

‘Hmm… You’d better ask it before I start the tape then.’

‘Is Watari- I mean, what is his- your-’ you address Watari, who is kneeling beside the television in the middle of changing the tape, ‘-job exactly? I thought he was like, your liaison to the police but his role seems to extend much further than that. I mean he cleaned up the tea I spilt earlier and I just… I feel bad that he-you,’ you address Watari again, ‘had to do that for me…’

You can feel Ryuzaki’s gaze on you, and you crane your head up to look at him as you chew your lip anxiously. There’s a moment of silence where he just watches you; he’s obviously satisfied with whatever he finds on your face when he says, ‘Watari is my handler and, technically, my carer. He handles all the work I am unable or unwilling to do, which includes his work as a police liaison, and more to facilitate my detective work.’ You nod slowly. You don’t ask what the ‘more’ is.

‘Oh.’ You deflate slightly. That makes sense. You don’t know what you were expecting him to say. You kind of feel like a dick for thinking of Ryuzaki as spoiled when he was in your house earlier. Maybe it’s less he doesn’t know how to clean and more that he can’t, for whatever reason.

Although he is still certifiably rich given all the hotels, he also doesn’t think twice about sharing what he has; he lets task force members come and go as they please, pays for meals had while at the headquarters, and he normally offers you some of whatever sweet he’s munching on ever since he found out about your sweet tooth. Honestly, you’re not quite sure what to make of all of it, but his life suddenly makes a hell of a lot more sense but also seems indiscriminately more complex now that you know this.

The only thing you’re really certain of is that you think that Watari may not be the best person for the role considering he was content to let Ryuzaki sit unwashed for the better part of two weeks before you managed to make him shower. Then again, Ryuzaki is L, and he can certainly hold his own when he wants too. Plus, you’ve not exactly seen any other staff around, so there’s clearly more to the hiring criteria than you’re aware of. Maybe it’s something you’ll never really understand, or something that you don’t have to, and you just have to accept it.

You say, ‘Okay, but still I should have-’

‘I assure you that I am both paid exceptionally well and am more than fulfilled in my role here.’ Watari cuts in.

You start at how suddenly Watari breaks his silence, and immediately feel bad when Ryuzaki says ‘Ow.’, in a plaintive tone of voice. You accidentally elbowed him. You know Ryuzaki well enough by now to know that tone, if he has it, means absolutely nothing but this sounds put on. Petulant. You lift yourself up slightly and see him rubbing his side where your elbow dug in, with his lower lip sticking out in an exaggerated pout. You don’t know if he’s putting it on because he is hurt or just because he’s fucking with you. You want to kiss the pout off him quite desperately either way. ‘Sorry.’ You say, lightly rubbing the area with your hand in way of apology.

The pout disappears, instead being replaced with his usual puppy dog smile. ‘I forgive you.’ He says. Ryuzaki tugs you back down on top of him. The issue is cemented as resolved when he smooths his hand over your hair and says, ‘Stop worrying about the tea. You were having a panic attack. You weren’t capable of sorting it yourself.’

You lift your head slightly, preparing to argue when Ryuzaki hits you with such a dry stare it makes the words die in your mouth. He continues, ‘You were scrubbing the floor with a dirty t-shirt and I don’t even know where you got it from.’ You shrink away from his gaze slightly, embarrassed by the memory. Ryuzaki places his hand on the back of your head and says, ‘Everyone needs help sometimes. Stop beating yourself up. Now, shh. And watch.’ He presses play on the remote and the third Kira video starts.

This one denotes the terms which Kira Two, as you’ve dubbed them, expects the police to follow in their acquiescement to working with them. They state that they want even more criminal’s names to be aired on television, with special focus on those who are cruel to the vulnerable or where people were injured, and that Kira alone will get to be judge and jury. Then they state that they want L, alongside the top NPA officials, to appear on television to make an announcement that the police are working with Kira. Which is obviously a ploy to kill L and hold the police force hostage in the case they disagree with Kira down the line or wish to renegade on their decision.

You snort, and say, ‘Fat chance of either of those things happening.’

‘Actually, the next tape says basically the same thing, with the exception of it being either myself or the Director General of the NPA who dies as penance for the police's refusal to work with Kira. And I can’t exactly allow the Director General of the NPA to die on my behalf considering I am the one who challenged Kira in the first place’

You feel like you’ve had a bucket of ice tipped over your head. ‘...Are you serious?’ You say, frowning. You lean up on your arms to better look at his face.

‘Why wouldn’t I be serious?’ He asks, gaze trained on your own. You sit up, hands on your knees and look at him appalled.

‘How in hell can you be serious? This Kira can clearly kill without a name! They killed Ukita and two other cops earlier tonight! You’ll die, Ryuzaki.’

Ryuzaki leans up on his elbows, ‘I know that. But if it’s my life or his, mine is inherently less valuable.’

‘Don’t say that. Why would you say that? There has to be another way!’ You can feel yourself tearing up. You curse your damn emotional regulation and the fact you cry at a hint of frustration.

Ryuzaki rubs his thumb over his lip while looking away from you. ‘I’m afraid not. And I cannot let another man die in my place when it’s me they’re after.’ Ryuzaki sits up fully and leans over to wipe a tear from your cheek that you hadn’t noticed escaping. ‘What’s wrong? Why are you so upset over this?’ His voice is soft, still a bleeding monotone but he’s speaking quietly, like he’s more worried than irritated. ‘You knew that this was a possibility, that in going head to head with Kira any one of us could die- would die, for the greater good. That’s what this task force is for. You’ve said as much yourself before. What changed?’

‘Because I don’t want to lose you okay!’ You hiccup, and try as you might to keep it inside the hiccup turns into a full blown sob. You brush his hand away from your face and try hide in between your knees, ashamed. Ryuzaki frowns. Even with your eyes shut you can see his concerned face displayed clearly in your mind's eye and only then do you realise that you’re a little bit in love with Ryuzaki. And you really fucking shouldn’t be. This only makes you cry harder. You feel his hand hover, and then gently settle on your upper back. When you make no move to shove it off, the other hand and both his arms join the occasion as Ryuzaki leans over and hugs you. He shows no sign of moving until you’ve stopped sobbing and your breathing is calming down.

‘...so it’s something to do with me specifically?’ He asks. You choke out a wet laugh, for a world renowned genius detective, sometimes he is an idiot. ‘I wasn’t joking.’ He says. That’s not what you were laughing about, ‘This is a serious vulnerability. We can’t move forwards as a team if this is how you’re going to react every time our lives are threatened. I’m sorry.’ Ryuzaki’s tone sounds final. You scrub your hands across your wet face and finally dare to look at him.

‘It’s not- I’m not…’ You can’t bring yourself to say it so instead you say, ‘I wouldn’t be like this if it were anyone else Kira Two was asking to basically commit suicide on live telly. I- maybe you’re right. Maybe I shouldn’t-’

‘I was right.’

‘Yeah that’s what I’m saying-’

‘You do want to have sex with me.’ What? Ryuzaki’s got his thumb in his mouth as he speaks. His eyes are sparkling, head tilted down, staring you in the face as he says, ‘And presumably more considering how emotional you’re being over my maybe death.’

‘I-What?’ You say. Practically breathe out with how panicked and confused you feel.

‘You want to have sex with me. I knew my hypothesis wasn’t wrong. I’m never wrong.’ Ryuzaki’s smiling like a cute puppy again and you’re so confused. It feels like the world has tipped on its head.

When you don’t speak Ryuzaki says, ‘I’m not going to die, Bambi. At least, not if I can help it; with the probability of this being a second Kira, I think we will be able to call them off by making our own fake Kira video. The only obstacle will be making sure that the real Kira doesn’t interfere and let the second know that we too are a fake.’ He’s staring at you, face expectant, like he thinks this information is going to make you anything other than angry. You cannot believe what you just heard. Ryuzaki knew he wasn’t going to die all this time? Then why did he- you think back to what he said before and a white hot rage rushes across your body.

‘Did you seriously make me think you were going to die just because you wanted to be right?’ Your voice is a thundering rage and you’re sure you’re shaking. The tears are back at the edge of your eyes and Ryuzaki has the gall to look surprised.

‘No.’ He says. ‘Well, yes.’ He amends. The look on your face must be pretty scary because Ryuzaki puts his hands up in front of him and quickly continues, ‘I did it with good reason. I had to ascertain if I was reading you correctly. I tried to broach you on this topic before but you went bright red, and it looked like you were about to cry and I couldn't decipher what emotion that was and so I kept going, in order to find out, but then you lied about it and left.

‘And I admit, I was rather confused and upset by your reaction because you had already promised me you wouldn’t lie and then you did. I didn’t think you were embarrassed, Bambi. I thought I’d read you wrong and that you didn’t like me. Matsuda had to explain that you were upset. Then the Chief Yagami informed me that what I did could be considered workplace harassment so I thought that was why you made that face- because you were angry. That put me in quite a funk, I have to say, thinking that you were mad at me.

‘I was planning on calling you to apologise for my egregious overstepping, but then Matsuda informed me that you were embarrassed for, and I quote, ‘having your dirty laundry aired like that’. And I figured it would only make sense for him to say that if it was true and you did want to have sex with me, but those two pieces of evidence are contradictory and I couldn’t reconcile them. So I didn’t want to bring it up until I was sure. I didn't want to embarrass you again, or make you angry or come anywhere close to harassing you. …I admit it wasn’t very gentlemanly of me to use your heightened emotional state against you but it seemed very unlikely another opportunity like this would arise. You play your cards very close to your chest, bambi.’

You’re flabbergasted. All of this for what? Annoyance prickles at your skin and you have to breathe slowly and deliberately to stop yourself from slipping back into white hot rage. ‘Pray tell me why exactly you wanted to know if I want to have sex with you?’

‘Well I think that’s pretty obvious, don’t you?’

You raise an eyebrow, as if to say, “no?”

‘Maybe you won’t be a good detective.’ Ryuzaki mumbles it around his thumb, towards the floor, but you hear it loud and clear. You feel the strong undercurrent of anger about to sweep you away again but it’s completely undercut when he looks directly at you and finishes it up with, ‘I want to have sex with you.’ Your ears start ringing. Surely you misheard that.

He continues, ‘I have done since the first time I laid eyes on you in the lobby and you looked so much like a startled deer that I nicknamed you Bambi… I was already suspicious of your attraction to me then. But then the case started to pick up and you treated me like everyone else. I’m glad you’re more comfortable around me now, because it allowed us to connect on a level I haven’t with anyone before, but I have to say…’ Ryuzaki’s eyes drift off to the side slightly, and you think maybe he’s daydreaming as he says, ‘I do miss teasing you and watching you scamper around like a frightened deer, always in a state of panic, it’s so cute. But then you just… stopped.’ He frowns slightly, but the expression quickly clears. ‘That is until you started zoning out while staring at me. And blushing bright red when I brought your attention back to Earth. That was fun.’ Ryuzaki’s mouth turns up at the edges, the start of a wicked grin in the making. He reaches out and brushes his thumb over your lower lip and you’re frozen, transfixed. But then he drops his hand like he’s been burned.

‘For what it’s worth, I am sorry.’ Ryuzaki looks away from you. You think maybe he struggles with eye contact when the conversation’s uncomfortable for him. ‘For tricking you.’ He looks up, ‘but I had to be sure. I didn’t want to repeat last time and have you end up hating me. You’re important to me, as a friend or as more. I won’t trick you again.’ You may not like it, but in some twisted way you do understand his reasoning. You sigh and put your head in your hands. ‘Bambi?’

You look up at him from below your brow, with your palms pressed to your face . You point a singular finger at him. ’I am so incredibly angry at you.’

Ryuzaki starts to nod, looking down, when you grab him by the collar of his shirt aggressively and drag him forwards into a kiss. His lips are chapped, dry but soft. And the friction of it catching on your lips feels good. You shudder as a tingle runs down your spine at the feeling. Ryuzaki makes a surprised sound low in his throat and you groan at it as you kiss him harder, before pulling back slightly.

Your lips brush against his and your noses bump lightly as you press your forehead to his, breathing hard. He says, ‘Am I forgiven?’ You pull back, cup his face and look him in the eyes before saying, ‘No.’ lightly. You brush his fringe out his face and press a soft kiss to his forehead. ‘Let’s go have sex.’ You say, before linking your fingers through his and leading him through to his bedroom. He stumbles a bit when he gets up, clearly not expecting this, and some sadistic part of you feels slightly vindicated at the motion.

Ryuzaki’s bed is unmade, and the dirty clothing littering his floor makes you feel better about the state he saw your house in earlier. Internally you question how many of the same shirt-jeans combo this man owns. You giggle slightly at the thought, hushing Ryuzaki when he makes a questioning face at you. This morning feels like an eternity away now, so much has happened since then. This, pulling Ryuzaki round to kiss him breathlessly, feeling his hands settle on your hips and then directing him backwards to land on the bed is the only thing you want to focus on right now. You push the other thoughts from your mind and clamber on top of him.

You settle squarely over Ryuzaki’s hips. You can feel the bump in his jeans where the zipper is; he’s not hard yet but you can’t wait to feel him underneath you. The thought makes you wiggle your hips in anticipation. The flannel pyjama pants you’re wearing provide no padding between you. You can feel the rough material of his jeans through the flannel.

You use your hands to ruck up Ryuzaki’s shirt, exposing his pale stomach and brown nipples. He’s so pretty. His tits are, in fact, soft. Nipples puffy where they sit on soft pillows of fat covering his pecs. You want to suck them. You brush your hands over them before leaning over and licking one into your mouth while rubbing his soft stomach. Ryuzaki chokes on a gasp and one hand comes up to sit on the hair at the back of your head. Either he’s sensitive here, or no one’s sucked his nipples before. Equally tantalising thoughts.

‘What happened to the timid deer I’ve gotten to know during all these months?’ He asks you.

You lean up slightly to look at Ryuzaki, his hair is wild on the pillow behind him, and there’s two spots of bright pink high on his cheeks but he seems otherwise unaffected, ‘I’ve got a wicked streak’, you say, with a shrug and a sly smile before diving back down to run your tongue over his nipple. It’s pebbled in reaction to the combination of your wet spit and the cold air, so you graze it with your teeth before taking it into your mouth and sucking. Ryuzaki’s hips twitch upwards at this so you do it again.

You brush your fingers over his other nipple and then switch to it, you run your tongue over his areola, then press your tongue flat against it and suck. You hear Ryuzaki whine from above you. You can feel him pressing his chest up into you, pushing his soft tits against your face. You press him down into the mattress with your hands on his rib cage. He thrusts his hips against you in response and you can feel his dick start to chub in his trousers. You run your tongue over his nipple once more before biting it gently. Ryuzaki whines at this, his hips rocking underneath you. You’ve never heard anything so addicting.

Your clit is sitting heavy in your pants, and you can feel your pussy clenching in anticipation. You sit your weight on Ryuzaki’s hips so he can rut against you but the denim of jeans is too thick; you can’t feel him how you want to so you reach down and lift your hips to undo his trousers. Ryuzaki hisses slightly when you pull the zipper down. You shove his trousers down enough to free his cock; Ryuzaki helps you by lifting his hips and he’s not wearing any underwear. Does he never wear underwear? Or are you just lucky? He wasn’t that time in the shower… You sit back up to look at him properly.

Ryuzaki is panting slightly beneath you, mouth a bitten red, nipples shiny with spit and raised, arms lying limply above his head, his cock is lying against his stomach, half chubbed with interest. It must have hurt pressed bare against the zipper of his jeans. You curl your hand around it firmly and give it a couple slow strokes. His hips jerk up into the motion, and his cock starts to fill quickly.

Ryuzaki’s cock is pretty. It looks good moving through your palm. He’s got an average length with a sizable girth that makes you clench in anticipation just looking at it. It’s fitting for him. Thick and uncut, tanner than the rest of him with thick black hair surrounding the base. His skin takes on a dusky tone where his crotch meets his thigh and you want to lick it so you do. You lean down and slot your tongue into the crease, Ryuzaki’s hips hump up towards the heat of your mouth.

You set a slow rhythm on his cock with your hand and his hips start to rock into it. His eyes flutter shut, biting his lip and relaxing into the feeling. Ryuzaki looks so fucking sexy like this your cunt is burning an insistent slow lick of arousal. He’s gorgeous, both his face and his cock. You never once thought you’d get to see this. You lean forwards and lick the head of his cock, before pressing a sucking kiss to the tip of it. You hear him groan out, ‘Bambi…’ You watch the muscles around his hips and lower abdomen contract, and he sounds strained. A large hand laces its way through the hair at the base of your head. You expect it to press you closer to his cock but he pulls you up and away from it. You stare at him, shocked, with your mouth open and tongue sticking out slightly.

Ryuzaki sits up, he’s panting and there’s a flush running down his neck to his chest that you want to trace with your tongue. You’re not sure why he stopped you but you feel like a scruffed kitten so you whine at him, forgetting you can use words. Ryuzaki’s eyes flutter at the sound and he pulls you into him to presse a soft kiss to your lips, then your forehead and then your temple before resting his head against yours. You lean forwards slightly, trying to kiss him again or to return to his twitching cock, but Ryuzaki holds you tight. It’s sitting against his thigh, angry and red looking and you’re not sure why you’ve been stopped.

You pull towards it again and Ryuzaki tightens his grip on your hair and stops you in place. You whine again and Ryuzaki says, ‘you can suck my cock next time, okay Bambi?’ You shiver at how plainly he says it; even though you’d been engaged in the act a mere second ago, the openness he speaks with stirs something deep within you. Your hips hump against nothing. You need him to touch you and you need him to touch you now.

Ryuzaki moves back from your face to look you in the eyes, gaze intense as he says, ‘I’ve got things I want to do to you. Things I’ve been thinking about since the first time I laid eyes on you.’ You swallow reflexively. His eyes track the movement. A smile starts to curl at the edges of his mouth. A shiver runs down your spine at his expression, eyes wide and dark, tracking your every twitch. You’ve often wondered what it’d be like to have the full weight of Ryuzaki’s attention on you, and now you’re got it, it's overwhelming. You feel like you’re going to melt under his watchful gaze. He asks, ‘will you stay still for me, Bambi?’ You nod shakily and he disentangles his hand from your hair ever so gently, kisses you on the temple before moving wriggling out from underneath you to remove his jeans the rest of the way.

You laugh, a hand comes up to cover your mouth and Ryuzaki raises a brow pointedly. You drop it back into your lap and give him a remorseful look. He smiles at you sweetly before crawling back up the bed and patting you on the head. It should be demeaning, but you just wiggle slightly in excitement, happy to be doing good for him. Ryuzaki’s hands brush down your sides, bump your wrists up above your head as he peels the shirt off of you. He says, ‘ready?’ And you’re about to ask, ‘ready for what?’ When he uses the same trick as before, he pulls you forwards by the elbow, catches your hip and pushes on it to turn you around. You land with an ‘oomph’ where he was previously laid.

You’re still reeling over how fast your positions switched when Ryuzaki’s grinning face looms over you. He leans down to kiss you but you’re still a little shocked so you don’t reciprocate. Ryuzaki sits back a little and asks, ‘too much?’ You nod and laugh a little breathlessly, ‘yeah just, maybe a warning next time?’

Ryuzaki says, ‘I did give you a warning,’ and you raise your eyebrows as if to say, ‘really?’

He says, ‘I’ll give you more of one next time,’ and leans in. He stops an inch away from your face, eyes flicking between your eyes and mouth in silent question. You close the gap and kiss him softly. He pulls back with his classic puppy dog smile on his face. Ryuzaki flops down onto his belly between your legs and places a wet kiss just above your belly button. You lean up into it, then recoil immediately when he blows a raspberry on the skin there. It tickles.

‘Hey!’ You push Ryuzaki’s head away instinctively and he gives you a goofy looking grin as he looks up.

‘What?’ He rests his head on your stomach. He’s ridiculous. God you adore this man; he’s so cute. You can’t stop the smile that’s creeping onto your face.

‘Is this what you were planning on doing to me?’ You rub your toes up Ryuzaki’s side and he shifts away from the motion, grabbing that leg by the ankle and pulling it straight. He pouts at you exaggeratedly.

‘Is that what you think of me?’ Ryuzaki scrapes his teeth against your belly lightly and hooks his fingers in the waist of your pyjama bottoms, ‘Up.’ He instructs. You lift your hips and he slides the trouser off of you. You feel the fabric on your crotch peel off the skin in a wet sticky kiss. Ryuzaki sits up to pull them off your ankles, and with him kneeling upright between your legs you can’t help but be in awe of how beautiful he is; all pale skin and long limbs, his messy black hair curling around the edges of his face, how soft the lines of his features are, sloping gently into each other with finesse and ease, the sharp contrast between his black hair and pale skin, the dark circles under his eyes throwing his face into sharp relief against the light and making them stand out. He’s stunning. And you are so, so incredibly lucky.

You sit up on your elbows. Ryuzaki inhales visibly when he sees your cunt for the first time, sticky and wet for him. You watch his pupils dilate and his chest stutter and expand. He leans forward and swipes his thumb down the sticky line of your pussy, parting your lips with a smooth motion, stopping when his thumb comes to rest over your entrance. He can feel the clenching motion your pussy makes at the pressure as it tries to swallow his thumb, eager for stimulation. He doesn’t take his eyes off you as he takes back his hand and settles on his elbows before you. You watch him settle then resettle from your vantage point leaning up on your elbows, seemingly unable to get comfortable. He reaches down and re-adjusts his cock between himself and the bedspread, then he drops his forehead to the crease of your thigh, breath ghosting over your pussy as you see his hips rock into his grip and he moans, mouth open.

It’s an unbearable tease, the wet heat of his mouth so close to where you need it and your hips rock up towards him. You feel his breath puff against your cunt in staccato bursts as he laughs so you ask, ‘What?’ Well, more whine it. Ryuzaki settles his head to the side and brings his hands up to rest on your hips.

He looks up at you, brows pinched and you can feel your clit twitch at the pained expression on his face as he mutters, ‘You’re going to be the death of me,’ before dipping his head to lay a wet kiss briefly over the top of your clit. He groans as it jumps towards his face and you squeal in response, rocking your hips away from and then into the sensation. It sends a sharp shock through you and then burns with the ghost of the sensation once his lips leave. You whine, feeling more desperate by the second as your hips chase the sensation where his mouth once was. Ryuzaki is staring at your pussy with an intensity he usually reserves for interesting cases or sweets so you start to squirm in place, unable to keep your hips still.

‘...Please?’ You say, and tilt your hips up deliberately, pleadingly. Ryuzaki parts your swollen lips with his thumb, running it down the seam of your cunt before leaning in and swiping his tongue up the length of you. He curls it around your clit at the top and then repeats the motion, once, twice, a third time. You throw your head back and try not to squirm too much, rock your hips back and forth against his face while moaning in the back of your throat, little ‘uh, uh, uh’s that you don’t care to quieten. His tongue is so wet and hot. It feels good.

You feel Ryuzaki’s fingers brush against your folds, then you feel two of them rub gently over your entrance, not pushing in, just providing a pressure and a friction that makes you cant your hips down into the motion. You moan, high pitched, as he rubs little circles there while making out messily with your clit.

‘Ryu-’

He pulls back for just long enough to breathe out, ‘Call me L,’ before resealing his mouth around your clit. You giggle at first before realising he’s serious when he locks eyes with you, previously having had them shut while enjoying his meal.

‘Ryuzaki, what?’ You ask breathlessly. Ryuzaki, or L you suppose, grazes his teeth over the hood of your clit in response, before humming noncommittally and sealing his lips around it to suck hard. You moan hoarsely, thighs coming up to clamp around his face. He taps the palm of his free hand repeatedly against the top of your thigh and with some conscious effort you relax them away from his face. He detaches from your clit with a wet pop and between licks says,

‘Call, me, L.’ Oh. So he was serious then. Honestly, you don't care what he wants to be called right now as long as he puts his mouth back where it was. ‘Do you want my fingers inside?’ L presses in slightly with the fingers circling your entrance, rubs them back and forth teasingly. You keen, bear down with your hips.

‘Yes Please, L. Please can you- can you put your mouth back on me- on my- please just- oh fuck L.’

You moan hoarsely as he puts his mouth back on your clit, brushing his tongue up and down before swirling it and sucking while his two fingers slowly breach you. You try to hump down onto them and he stops about an inch in. You whine, lifting your head to look at him but he’s got his eyes closed. You take in a deliberate lungful of air and slow the rocking of your hips back to its regular gentle wave. Ryuzaki- L groans out his approval into your pussy and his fingers start to move forwards again.

The stretch is delicious. His fingers are much longer than yours and reach deeper than you can on your own. The friction feels like a trail of fire is being stroked deep in your cunt. L starts curling his fingers up against the inside of your pussy, while returning to a suckling motion on your clit with his mouth, his tongue pressed against the bottom of your clit. The rhythmic pushing and pull between L stroking hot fire deep inside you and bathing your clit in rolling waves of pleasure shunts you towards the edge far faster than you expected and you can feel your cunt clench in anticipation, feel it spasm around the pressure building behind his fingers and your clit.

Your breath’s spilling out in gasps and moans, airy little ‘ah, ah, ah's' that L responds to by pulling his head away from your clit slightly without letting go of the suction. He keeps the same rhythm with his fingers, drawing lines of fire inside you that spark up your spine and make you jolt in his grasp. You manage to get out, ‘Ryuzaki-L I’m- I’m gonna-’ before you cum against his face. Body scrunching up around his head, your thighs come together and you let out a hoarse moan as you convulse. Your cunt grips his fingers in a vise grip and white hot pleasure spreads through your body in a tingling wave.

Distantly, you can hear yourself moaning but you’re too caught up in it to care about how loud you’re being. L licks and sucks his way though your orgasm and as the pleasure starts to fade into oversensitive little shockwaves that make you shake and twitch away from the pressure of his hot wet mouth you notice the mattress is shaking. In rhythmic, shuddering motions the bed frame squeaks and you realise that at some point during your orgasm L has started humping the bed.

‘L- L come up-, come up here.’ You’re breathless in the aftermath of your orgasm, flopping your hand towards yourself, jelly-like, as you gesture for L to climb up the bed towards you. L pets a hand through your wet pubic hair like it's a cat as he sits up onto all fours. His cock is an angry red, bobbing beneath him as he licks his lips. He crawls up your body and flops on top of you. His cock bumps against the hot sticky flesh of your cunt and you jerk away, the stimulation being too much too soon. He readjusts it with one of his hands so it sits in the crease of your thigh instead. You giggle, feeling a little delirious off your orgasm.

L’s face swims into your vision; his usual wide-eyed stare is shuttered slightly with want, eyelids lowered yet still fixing you with the full intensity of his curiosity. He’s smiling like a puppy again, the look on his face being a mix of incredibly satisfied and deeply hungry. The whole lower half of his face is wet, and it strings up one of his cheeks and is clumping the edge of his eyelashes together. You say, ‘you’ve got a little something…’ And reach up to wipe the cum off his face. He grabs your wrist when you pull your hand back and sucks your thumb into his mouth, before bringing your hand back to his face. L uses your hand to wipe some of the wetness off around his mouth, then he sucks the cum off your fingers before bringing your hand back to his face and leaving it there. You take the hint and start wiping the rest of your slick off his face to feed it to him slowly. L smiles happily the whole time, nuzzling into your grip and chasing your fingers with his tongue when you pull them back; you can feel arousal starting to buzz behind your clit again, squirming your hips where you’re laid.

L leans over and kisses you. The movement of his lips against yours is heavy, laced with need and his hips make shuddering little humping movements against the crease of your thigh. ‘L,’ You breathe.

‘Bambi,’ He replies. You colour at the nickname, flush with heat because even though you just came on his face L still has the ability to make you nervous. Twitchy with want and need. Your hips tilt up into the pressure of his own as your clit twitches alongside your anticipation. He brushes his nose against yours sweetly and your heart melts slightly. Your cunt clenches in a want-need-give kind of way- you want him in you. You just have to open your mouth and tell him. ‘L- can- will- do you want- ?’ You try get the sentence out but your throat has swallowed your tongue and you don’t know how to get it back. You can feel the flush in your face spread, burning along to your ears and down your neck as you stutter, embarrassed.

‘Yes Bambi? What is it?’ L noses his way along your face, practically breathes the words into your ear with a low hum but you know the question is anything other than genuine. If he was actually curious he’d be looking at you. This man knows exactly what you want; he’s just enjoying watching you squirm. You know this because as soon as you opened your stuttering mouth, L had brushed his hand over your stomach and petted gently over the top of your clit, feeling it twitch in interest and your hips hitch up into the motion.

‘L,’ You draw out the syllable into a whine, rock your hips up to try entice him into fucking you without having to say it. L leans up on his elbows to watch your face, traces an invisible pattern over the curve of your cheeks and around your eyes, brushes his thumb over your mouth. ‘What is it, Bambi? What do you want?’

‘Please?’ You try. His breath ghosts over your face as he lays a gentle kiss against your forehead. You whine, high in the back of your throat in protest.

‘What? Is that not what you wanted?’ L sounds entirely sincere when he says it, enough so that you’d be tempted to believe him if it wasn’t for the way he’s started rubbing his cock in a burning hot line across the fat of your cunt. Shifting his hips in a slow rotation over the wetness steadily leaking from your drooling pussy and dragging it up in a hot burn over your clit.

You gasp wetly, rock your hips into L’s with a shudder and then cry out when he rudely leans back, pulls his cock away from your pussy with a grunt and sits up. You’re left reaching out for him, arms feeling empty now he’s no longer in them, hips rocking into nothing, tears pricking at your eyes from being denied again when you had him so close to you. L wraps a hand around his shiny wet cock, pulls his foreskin over the head of it in a slow, curling stroke.

‘You have to tell me what you want, Bambi. Otherwise how am I supposed to know? I’m not a mindreader after all.’

‘You know what I want!’ You’ve never felt more small than you do right now, close to throwing a tantrum you feel desperate. Desperate to please him, desperate to be filled, desperate enough to choke out, ‘L, please… Fuck me I need it.’ In a whiny voice while fighting back tears.

‘Well done, Bambi.’ L says. He speaks in the same monotone as usual but the words wash over you warmly anyway, you know him well enough by now to know L wouldn’t give the praise if he didn’t mean it. Almost as if to prove that point L crawls back over you and presses a gentle kiss to your forehead. You sniffle back your tears and curl into the heat of his body lying over you. You wrap your arms around his neck and pull him as close as you can.

L presses a kiss against the side of your temple, braces one arm by the side of your head and then reaches down to line himself up with the other. You shudder as you feel the hot head of his cock bump your entrance. The heat of it rubs a long line up and then down your cunt. You whine and cant your hips up into him pleadingly. He huffs out a hot breath, you feel it flutter your hair. L’s face tilts away from yours, preoccupied watching his cock rub over your clit. You turn your head to the side and kiss his elbow.

You can see the muscles in L’s arm working to keep him upright above you, see his tendons straining in the tense of his fist. His wiry build and athleticism never fails to surprise you even though you know he has to practise some kind of martial art from how easily he’s been tossing you around.

You hear L groan and his hips stutter as you feel the hot heavy pressure of his cock press against your entrance again, this time with purpose. Your pussy clenches in anticipation and your hips squirm forwards to meet him. Press yourself as close as possible, bear down with your hips where L’s lining up to meet you. The head of his cock catches and you feel your pussy pulse and try suck him in as the hot heat of his cock breaches you. The stretch is tantalising, delicious. The head of his cock head rubs over something hot and electric, back and forth just inside you as L’s hips rock slightly and you hear him moan, low in his throat above you.

You rub your nose against the sweaty crease of his arm before turning to look for his face. L looks divine above you, wide eyes narrowed with pleasure, forehead pinched and red mouth hanging open. His cock slides deeper within you and he pants heavy against your temple. You can feel the walls of your cunt stretch open, splitting around the thick line of his cock. L pulls out slightly and then rocks back in, fucking your cunt open with slow gentle grinds of his cock. The drag of it inside you burns deliciously, you rock your hips into the motion.

You whine, wrap an arm around L’s neck and tug to pull him in for a kiss and L collapses onto you with a grunt. The force of it sheaths the rest of his cock in your cunt in one swift motion and you throw your head back with a hoarse cry. L’s long body blankets yours, his shoulder is pressed up against your chin, arms bracketing your head, you can hear him panting roughly above your head. You’re so full. You feel like you’re going to break in the best possible way. L’s cock is a searing stretch of heat and thickness inside of you. You can’t stop squirming underneath him. Every press of his naked, sweaty body along the length of yours is electric.

L pants into your neck as he rocks his hips imperceptibly against yours. Little pulsing grinds. You hear him whine, feel it vibrate through his throat, high pitched as he forces his hips to a stop, trying to give you some time to adjust to the stretch of his cock. You crane your head back and press your lips against his jaw, you’re so close you could count his eyelashes, his eyes are screwed shut tight. He’s so cute.

You can only imagine what this feels like for him. Your cunt contracts hotly at the thought and you clench down on Ryuzaki’s cock unintentionally. He chokes. His hips make an aborted thrust against you, pressing his hips into you as firmly as he can, pushing your pussy to its limits and stretching you impossibly further. You can feel his cock grinding against your cervix. It feels so good. You moan, gasp his name and toss your head back.

L puffs out hot breaths against the top of your head, biceps flexing. He tries to pick himself back up off of you as tremors travel up his spine. You reach round his shoulders to pet at the back of his head, before combing your hands through the sweaty hair on the nap of his neck. L chokes out, ‘sorry,’ and lays a messy, open mouthed kiss against your temple. ‘Can I-‘ He groans and his lips slide wetly down your cheek; you think he’s drooling a little. ‘Can I move please?’

You thread your hand through hair at the back of L’s head and pull him up, the skin of his chest sticks slightly as it peels away from yours. His moan sounds like it’s punched out of his chest when you breathe out the word ‘yes’ against his lips. You pull your legs back up over his hips so they settle in the air behind the small of his back. The shift in position pulls your cunt tighter around L’s cock and you feel him rasp a groan against your lips as you whine at the feeling. Your clit twitches with electricity at the sound. His cock is so hot and heavy inside you, the stretch is delicious. Your hips rock subtly to grind his cock in against the deepest part of you; you need L to move and you need him to move now.

L’s fingers scramble for grasp over your shoulders and his grip tightens on you as he starts to rock his hips back and forth. The movement’s subtle, more of a pulsing grind than a thrust. You can feel your heartbeat in your clit, it thrumbs steadily and pulses in time with each inward press of his hips. L rests his forehead against yours, his breath ghosting over your face. You whine loudly, feeling the head of his cock grind against the deepest part of you repeatedly. The hot heavy weight of his cock stretches you out and you can feel your pussy flutter and swallow rhythmically around the solid feel of him. But you want more, you need more. You pant out, ‘L, L, fuck me.’

You feel rather than hear L groan and then he stops moving entirely. He presses his lips against yours shortly and you whine into his mouth, circle your hips to try entice him into moving. L moans, breath catching on your cheek and chest convulsing against yours before you feel him suck in air and lift his upper half off of you. You have to focus to hear what he’s muttering over your disappointed whine, ‘…considerably more vulgar.’ L’s hand strokes your sweaty hair back from your face and says, ‘I do think we’re going to enjoy our time together.’ He punctuates his sentence by pulling his hips back an inch and thrusting back in sharply.

You choke, as your head snaps back and you inhale sharply on a whine. Your legs bounce helplessly in the air behind his back and you feel your heels click just once before he stops moving again, returning to grinding his hips against yours in a circle. This movement only serves to frustrate you, rather than satisfy now that you’ve felt him move. L’s eyes are locked on your flushed face and you can’t help but think he’s only doing this to see what reactions you’ll give. As if you yourself are another experiment, something for him to toy with at ease and see what kind of response he can elicit from you.

You whine pleadingly and push back into L’s slow grinding, ‘L please, c’mon-

L leans down, whispers in your ear, ‘What? Fuck you?’ His breath is hot against your ear, ‘My cock is currently buried in your cunt. I am, by definition, fucking you..’ He’s being purposely obtuse. You know he is. Just as you think you’re gonna lose your mind with the way he’s teasing you, L presses his hips against you harder, before pulling out and pushing back in. His cock is a red hot heat inside you, you can feel it twitching as he moves, burning against something gooey deep inside you. Your pussy feels like it’s melting around him when he moves and you moan roughly; you need that feeling more than you need to breathe currently.

L chuckles breathlessly against your ear before leaning back, bracing himself over you on his arms as he starts to fuck you in short pulses. ‘Is this not enough?’ You whine and shake your head. Your face flushes and your eyes slip shut as the sensation overtakes you, it feels good.

‘What is it? Do you need more, Bambi? Does your greedy cunt want more of my cock?’ Fuck, L’s filthy. Your head is spinning with the switch-up from his usual dry wit to this. L pulls out of you almost fully, leaving just the tip of his cock inside, rubbing it back and forth teasingly. Your cunt spasms around him, desperately trying to suck him back in, ‘Answer me, Bambi. I have to know. Do you want- no, do you need more of my cock?’

‘L, I- please. I do, you know I do. Please. Give it to me.’ You rush out in one long whine, embarrassed but desperate enough to beg. You open your bleary eyes and he’s watching you with such a serious expression you flinch from it. L brushes a hand over your cheek and you realise you’re crying as he wipes away your tears. L raises his hand to his face and licks the tear off his hand. He reaches down and presses that same thumb to your clit, rubbing in slow circles as he starts to fuck his cock back into your cunt with short thrusts.

L’s staring down at you the whole time, analysing your facial expressions and you think maybe he was waiting for this, for you to look at him, for you to cry. Your cunt clenches and spasms around L’s cock and you see a smile flicker around the edges of his mouth. A shiver wraps itself around your spine and squeezes; it tingles out across your skin as the reality of L’s sadistic tendencies translating over into the bedroom hits you like a truck. He’s toying with you, and he’s enjoying every second of it.

You feel your clit twitch at the realisation and the loss of sensation, spark with electricity as L leans his arm back up beside your head and thrusts hard, lands his hips against your ass with a bruising sting, and turns your insides into melting goo with his cock. Your breath stutters out of your lungs in a desperate gasp. Your head tips back, L’s lips brush down your exposed neck and a shudder runs through you. You moan hoarsely, hips humping back against his thrusts. L bites down on your neck, sucks a bruise over the sharp marks left by his teeth. The pain laces through you in a quick thrill before licking around the edges of all the parts of you that feel good. You can’t keep your eyes open; the world is blurring with the pleasure licking up your spine.

You tip your head back down, feel the world squeeze into nothing more than L and his solid weight above you, the melting point of your insides wrapping around his cock, broiling with pleasure and you need him to kiss you right now. You search for his lip’s blindly. Your lips brush wetly across his cheek and L turns his head, licks into your mouth with fervour, his tongue brushing your own and the roof of your mouth. You feel like he’s sucking the air out your lungs, consuming you.

L’s hips are moving fluidly against your own now, elbows braced near your head, your feet bouncing helplessly in the air behind him as he thrusts. You grip his forearm with one hand, desperate for something to ground you as the pleasure threatens to sweep you away with it; L catches your hand with his own, links your fingers near your head. His cock feels like a searing line splitting you open. Like you might crack around it and dissolve into nothing but open nerve endings sparking with fire. Every thrust knocks the breath out your throat. The tip of his cock kisses you so sweetly deep inside. You kiss him back as best you can, messy, open mouthed and panting.

L fucks you sharply with shallow thrusts, and then slows down to deep, slow strokes before switching back. He’s alternating between rutting the head of his cock against your g-spot with pressure and brushing languidly over some deep part of your cunt that makes your hips twitch and your whole pussy feel like it’s on fire.

You moan with every thrust, little ‘uh, uh, uh,’’s as his hips meet yours. You suck L’s tongue into your mouth, his cock twitches deep inside you as you do, a moan bubbling up over his lips, spilling out from behind his teeth. His hips start to speed up, and you feel his whole body shudder as he struggles to slow them down again. You can’t stop squirming underneath him, hips humping back into his thrusts, gasping moans wetly against his lips, his every touch on your skin is electric. L pulls away from your mouth as you struggle to kiss him, and instead presses heavy, open mouthed kisses over your face.

You can feel the wet mess between you, squelching where you’re connected at the hips, your slick spilling out your drooling cunt around the thickness of his cock, his cock fucking it back in with an electric friction that runs up your spine and builds knots in your stomach, the friction between your pubic hair catching his, his stomach brushing over yours. Everytime your chest rubs against L’s, your breath catches on your moans, hiccuping slightly; you can hear him inhale sharply through his nose when your nipples brush. All of these sensations are building a broiling pressure behind your clit, tied to the intense line of burning fire his cock has turned your pussy into.

L rubs his spare hand roughly down your side and slides it between you, lands the tips of his long fingers against your clit. His hips stutter as he readjusts his rhythm to accommodate the new movement of his hand, fingers spelling messy circles against the top of your pussy and your clit. The movement of his fingers burn as your clit twitches desperately into the sensation, burning a hot heartbeat against the fingers. You need to come. It’s just barely in your grasp, sparkling around the edge of your vision as you stutter, ‘L- L, please I need-,’ You cut yourself off with a whine.

L’s panting hot against the side of your head and he groans as you manage to choke out, ‘hard-er, please, harder.’ His hips snap into yours with double the force, and you slide up the bed some before his hand disentangles from yours and clutches you around the shoulder, pulls you back towards him and keeping you there.

Your hips meet his heavily from the motion and you squeak in surprise between your moans, hands flailing until they settle on his shoulders. You hear L gasp out a shuddering laugh breathily above you. He’s groaning low in his throat as his hips piston against yours firmly. He reaches down between you again and his middle finger strokes lightly over the fat, wet tip of your twitching clit , you whine high pitched. Your heartbeat thunders behind your clit as it starts to pulse and clench to the staccato rhythm of your orgasm. Your hips rock haphazardly into the sensation as your legs start to tremble.

You can hear L’s moans punch out of his chest as your pussy clenches tight on his cock and you feel wet pleasure radiate up your spine. You struggle to keep your eyes open as sparks of pleasure blur your vision. Your pussy pulses hotly around L’s cock, spasming rhythmically, milking him. You can feel L’s cock twitch inside you as his chest collapses against you. He’s so heavy for someone so lean, you feel trapped under the weight of him, it sends your head spinning to think about, makes your cunt spasm as you lie there and take it. You’re unable to do anything else, L’s pinning you to the bed by your shoulders as his hips piston into you aggressively, drawing out the end of your orgasm.

You gasp and scrape your hands along his upper back, whole body rigid, back bowed off the bed as your hips spasm against his. L moans roughly against your ear and his hips stutter and pumps his cock into you harshly. Your breath catches in your throat, arms instinctively pushing against his chest where you’re pinned as you struggle and fail to squirm weakly out from underneath him. You feel your body spasm as liquid heat creeps up your spine and you feel something hot and wet release from your cunt in short pulses as you struggle to breathe. Did you just?- the thought barely registers as L swears gutterally, ‘fuck,’ and pulls you as close to him as you can get, slides your sticky hot body against his, one arm wrapping around your shoulders and the other around your head.

He’s completely on top of you now; your face is buried in his chest, nearly pressed into his hairy armpit as you mewl pathetically, choke around your own breath and try crawl away from the hot press of his cock. It feels too good, you can’t keep your eyes open, vision blurring as fat tears spill out of them and down your cheeks. The head of his cock rubs over and over a spot deep inside of you that makes your toes curl and your thighs shake.

You shout hoarsely as you’re tipped into another orgasm way too soon, your clit pulsing with near-painful shocks as you cum, shaking underneath L. The pleasurable waves are pain tipped as it ripples through you an electric pulse. Your mouth is caught open, lips ruby red and spit slicked rubbing against his chest as you drool around a long moan. Something rough brushes your face and you taste salt on your tongue.

L freezes above you, draws his hips back and then ruts forward, once, twice, three times, hard. His hips press tight against yours, rutting hard against you without pulling out, cock buried as deep in you as he can get as it twitches and you feel a hot liquid release inside you as he cums. L’s hips press hard against you one last time, thrust out just barely before slamming back in, then rock back and forth shallowly, groaning as he rides out his orgasm, you can feel it rumble through his chest above you.

You’re hiccuping around gasps, chest convulsing as L’s body loses tension above you. He levers himself off of you, arms shaking with the exertion, chest peeling back as L stares at you and a sob rattles free from your chest. Your hand comes up to cover your mouth, embarrassed, but L just leans down and presses a soft kiss to your forehead and brushes your sweat soaked hair back from your face. ‘Are you doing okay? Can I pull out?’ You nod, tuck your head down to hide your face as you feel his cock slide gently out of you and the flood of his cum that rushes out after.

L flops off of you, to the side and tugs you gently with him. The room feels far too open without L on top of you, you feel panic tug at your mind and settle against your neck but then the room shifts and you land haphazardly tucked against L as he leans your head against his chest with a loose arm. Your breathing starts to even out as you reconnect with L but you’re still crying. You feel his arm raise to pet lazily at your head and your harsh and heavy breaths slow in time to the rhythm of his chest rising and falling slowly against yours. ‘You okay, Bambi?’ He asks. You nod against his chest, tears still slipping down your face.

‘Need you.’ You mumble out. You try shunting yourself up the bed further, try to wriggle desperately your way into his space but your legs aren’t really cooperating. L leans into your clumsy touches, wraps his arms around you and pulls your wet sticky body to settle over his own. Tucks your head into his neck and allows your legs to settle between his own. ‘You sure? It wasn’t too much was it?’ L asks, brushing a thumb over your wet cheeks and you shake your head, relax into his hold and sigh contentedly at being there.

‘Was a lot. But it was good. Liked it.’ You mumble against his neck and you feel him nod against the top of your head, press a kiss against your hair after. L holds you against him, and you stay there content to just float until your eyes start to slide shut under the threat of sleep.

L’s hand rubs against your hip, you hum gently, too sleepy to really reply when you feel his hand slip down between your legs and swipe at the mess between them. ‘L!’ Your eyes snap open in shock. Your voice comes out in a feeble whisper-shout, voice hoarse from all the noise you made earlier. L draws his hand back sharply, looking for all intents like a chastised kid doing something he shouldn’t. You see him suck his fingers into his mouth as he says, ‘sorry’, without looking apologetic at all.

He glances down between your abused cunt and your face a couple times before he says, ‘I won’t be just a minute,’ and tipping you off of him. He doesn’t go far, just leans down to swipe his tongue through the mess between your legs. You shriek ‘L!’ jerk away from the sensation and reach down to grab him by his hair.

You try pull him up but he just moans low in his throat. His head pops up for a second as rests his chin on your pubic hair. L says, ‘I’ll be fast I swear,’ before leaning back down to clean up your pussy with his tongue. You can’t stop twitching, hips bucking incrementally against his face as you whine high pitched, ‘L, c’mon, fuck, stop. ‘S too much.’ L swipes his tongue against you one last time before chasing where his cum has leaked down across your thighs and ass. ‘L!’ You say sharply, put your hand against his face and try push him away that way.

‘Alright, alright.’ L sits back up between your legs, props his elbows up on your knees. His hair is sitting even wilder than usual, all mussed up at the back with long strands both sticking to his face and straight out from his head. He’s got this goofy looking grin on his face, a wide smile that you’ve never seen him make before. The most gleeful expression he’s worn in all your months of working with him having been the one he makes after teasing you. L sits back on his haunches and smacks his lips together before wiping his fingers around the edge of his mouth, sucking any residue off of them. You giggle breathlessly. He’s so weird and you cannot believe you like him so much. ‘Hey, L. You should come back up here.’ You pet the bed beside you and he says,

‘You should call me Ryuzaki now.’ before crawling up the bed. He sits about a foot away from you and you're about to be offended before he reaches over, grabs you underneath an armpit and a knee and uses sheer force to drag you in between his legs. You’re spluttering indignantly when he drops you on him, rolls you slightly to face him, chest pressed against his pubis, arms on either side of his soft stomach.

You raise yourself up and slap him gently on the belly, ‘Don’t just drag me. What the fuck- Ryuzaki!’

Ryuzaki looks pointedly at you and then over to where you were sitting, ‘You were in the wet spot.’ He shrugs before placing his hands under your arms again. He sighs, longsuffering, ‘but if you want to stay there… I could always…’ You wiggle and squeal away from his grip, not missing the mischief in his voice that signalled he was seriously about to pick you up and drop you back into your combined mess of bodily fluids.

‘Okay! Okay! I surrender.’ L removes his hands from your armpits.

‘...does that mean I can eat your pussy again?’ He asks, and you feel before you see him starting to loom over you with a sparkle in his eyes. You feel your clit twitch with a sharp zing at his expression and it's just painful enough that you cringe and shake your head ‘no’ as fast as you can. Ryuzaki huffs and leans back petulantly, but he starts drawing patterns on your shoulder blades with his finger tips so you imagine he can’t be too upset.

You lean your head back against his stomach. ‘...So, why Ryuzaki now? And L before?’

You feel Ryuzaki shrug as he says simply, ‘detective kink.’ He leans back across the bed to reach for a little cake out of several sweet treats he has littering his bedside table.

You slap his bent leg beside you and say, ‘you do not!’

‘Owww…’ Ryuzaki sounds petulant again even though his mouth is full. ‘Stop hitting me.’ He says. He’s rubbing the part of his leg you slapped with his free hand. Oh, so he is actually upset. You didn’t expect that. You say, ‘Oh. Sorry.’ And lean over to press an apologetic kiss to the area. ‘I’ll stop, don’t worry.’ You lean up on one arm to look him in the eyes. ‘But seriously. Why Ryuzaki now and L before?’ L puts half the cake down, leans down and presses his lips against yours in a soft kiss.

‘I told you. Detective kink.’ You can tell from the gleam in his eyes he’s fucking with you. And that you’re not gonna get a clearer answer out of him anytime soon. Possibly just because he’s an ass but possibly because of Kira. You narrow your eyes and him and huff frustratedly into his belly. You feel his stomach move, and hear him laugh somewhere above you, and you think that maybe all the stress is worth it if you get to have this. You’re hiding your smile against Ryuzaki’s tummy when you feel him start to stroke his fingers through your hair.

‘...Hey Ryuzaki?’

‘Mmm?’ He hums softly in response.

‘I really like you, y’know.’ L’s hands pause in running through your hair briefly before they start moving again.

‘I really like you too.’ He sounds softer than usual, ‘Although I can’t say it’s been good for our investigation, on a personal note, I have to say I am really rather pleased with how things have turned out.’

You snarfle a laugh into his hip, ‘Well I can’t say you’re wrong there. But… hopefully I’ll be less distracted now.’

You hear him laugh in response above you, ‘That or you’ll be more distracted. Safe to say I’ll be more distracted…’ He trails off and you can near hear the cogs in his head turning, ‘Maybe this was a bad idea. What if neither of us can focus on the investigation now?’ Ryuzaki doesn’t sound panicked, more like he’s mulling the idea over in his mind. ‘Hmm, we might need to work in separate rooms from now on.’ He sounds serious and you huff out a laugh in response.

‘I doubt it’ll come to that Ryuzaki. I promise I can keep it in my pants long enough for us to get some work done, or, at least I’ll be able to now that we’re doing this in our down time... Wait, we are going to keep doing this, right? I don’t think I can stop after just once.’ You snap your head up to look at him, panicked, and are startled to be caught in the overwhelming sincerity of his gaze.

L brushes his hand softly across your forehead before settling to hold your face softly.

He says, ‘You have absolutely no idea just how tantalising I find you, do you? I’m not worried about you ‘keeping it in your pants’. You’ve shown profound restraint so far.’ He brushes his thumb over your bottom lip, gaze drawn to it, ‘Just once?’ His eyes flick back up to meet yours and you shudder at the look in them as he says, ‘We’ve got the rest of the night to fill after you’ve recovered, and if I was any less dedicated to bringing Kira to justice I would ring each of our coworkers individually to tell them to take tomorrow off.’ He leans down to press a gentle kiss to your temple, ‘‘Just once.’’ Ryuzaki snorts a laugh through his nose and then leans forward to kiss you gently.

‘Rest up.’ He says.’ He twists around again and takes the rest of the cake he had been eating and holds it up to your lips. You take the offered morsel. He guides your head to lay back down on him, ‘We’ve got a full night ahead of us.’ A shiver works its way up your spine before you sigh and close your eyes, resolving to get at least a little rest before things start to work up again. Because if you can trust Ryuzaki with anything, it’s that he follows through with his plans.

#mywriting #cupidwrites #death note fanfiction #l lawliet #l lawliet x reader #l lawliet smut #l x reader #l smut #they/them reader #ryuzaki

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