#it's also related to executive dysfunction

[idkimnotreal]

i think it is a product of my autistic brain that i never really “know” things, that is, i never feel that a thought i have is right, i’m never really sure about stuff; what i would describe my thoughts as instead (or my process of arriving at a conclusion or decision, which is what most thoughts are about) is having a map of information laid out and being able to access all the pieces of information about something whenever i think about it (every thought i think about has several other thoughts connected to it, it’s about perspective, if i focus on one of those other thoughts then it will have other thoughts connected to it too), but it never becomes more than that - a map of displayed information. 

it’s not that i can’t connect the dots (or thoughts, or pieces of information), but there are so many dots that i can’t ever connect all of them at once, and once i’m done connecting two dots, some other connection is already undone, left behind, and i can’t make out the entire picture. medication (stimulants) helps with this, but then i’m always afraid it makes me have so much tunnel vision that i am finally able to connect all the dots available to me at the time, but i’ll miss out on dots i might otherwise know of when my brain is unmedicated (what i would describe as unmedicated “horizontal thinking” vs. medicated “vertical thinking”). in other words, it makes me able to conclude/decide, but leaves my thinking “incomplete”, which is why i prioritize thinking some things in advance before taking my meds, and think about other stuff while on it as it suits me.

[noisytenant]

not only do i have the HUD but i semi-regularly receive visions of random imagined objects being manipulated or engineering/manufacturing challenges to solve. for example one time i kept envisioning how a certain shape (i now can't remember what it was) could be machined out of metal using a mill.

today i was seeing the creation of a volume from negative space out of two-dimensional sheets (like when you carve into a book to create a 3d sculpture), pondering the best means of achieving it (slicer software? manual manipulation in illustrator?), and what might be made (rotated triangle prism vs scaling triangle prism). Then I envisioned a spiked comb-like shape that would interlock perpendicularly with a panel that had a row of holes fitted to the comb. While having an unrelated weeping breakdown

abstract shapes descend upon me like hawks at all times

[even-the-tiniest-bugs]

i’ve always found it so funny the way kiwi is so annoyed with the order fairy. this bard is Not Amused!

3 versions of the same image because the computer i drew it on does not have access to internet currently, so i had to take a picture on an ipad camera and it’s not super high quality. sorry about that! these were the best i could do

[feverwildehopps]

Where ya been??

I’ve been on my other account drawing these guys 🫣

[hilacopter]

task paralysis sucks so fuckin bad. whether it's stuff I do for passion like writing, editing, recording for the voice acting project I'm a part of or stuff I need to do like rehearse my lines for the school play or even just answer a text message my brain prefers to just think about it rather than do it. and the longer I procrastinate the more scared I become of doing the task, like the universe is going to scold me for being late or something. it's caused me to steal as a kid because I was afraid of returning books to the library after forgetting, it's caused me to lose friendships because I was scared to re-initate contact with past friends after not speaking with them for long, I've held off drawing digitally even though I got a tablet two birthdays ago because my ADHD simply wouldn't let me touch it and those aren't even half the times it's screwed me over. all I can do is just lay in bed wanting so badly to write, record, draw, edit, do anything but my dumb fucking brain is holding me hostage over my stupid perfectionism and low attention span. we don't talk enough about just how shitty executive dysfunction is.

[nostalgia-tblr]

if anyone can help me actually write this fic instead of scrolling the internet or sleeping instead i'd be grateful btw. it just feels like a lot of effort so i'm continually failing to get started. i think i feel like it's a thankless task and not worth the effort? but i enjoy when i have written a thing! it is a pleasantness! i should be able to convince myself to work for that pleasantness!

[kittykatinabag]

A short list of the things I desperately miss from the US:

Antiperspirant that actually works as intended

Good Asian food

Good American BBQ

Target

Cheap shipping

The United States Postal Service

Good Mexican food

Good Asian grocery stores

American candy brands

Cheap energy bills

Not immediately being out grouped because I have an American accent

3rd places not reliant on drinking culture

Good breweries and craft beer

Good craft stores

My normal skincare products

REI

Ben and Jerry's pints under $7/pint

My favorite Ben and Jerry's flavor Milk and Cookies

Good takeout places

Smoking being uncommon

Normal sized fridges

Good vegetables

Good fruit

Screens on windows in the summer time to keep the bugs out

Parks/Green spaces that are open 24/7

[avarkriss]

genuinely can't stand it when doing the dishes and putting on a little moisturizer actually makes me feel a tiddlybit better like come on those self care posts can't actually be right

[uraniumglassgirl]

to do list rn is like

1. try to get prescribed adderall

2. try and get a job that doesnt make me feel suicidal (cannot be usps there are never any openings here bc its super rural)

3. work that job for like 3 months so i can use it as reference to apply for an apartment

3.5 apply for a credit card….

4. move and get a job at usps because theres always openings in lexington

5. that one bit in that one south park episode where theyre like “what do we do now?” “what do you mean? now we can finally play the game.”

and its like. this is all so hard man. why is it so difficult

[stellophiliac]

what the fuck. hguh. am i neurodivergent

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[redeyedryu]

I can’t wait until I’m done with this current zine crunch I’m on… I wanna do so many other things and stuff!!

[aeide-thea]

i almost never have the patience to properly reheat leftovers, which is probably part of why i don't believe in batch cooking (the other part is that i hate having my meals predetermined for mysterious brain reasons), but like. it really does improve them when you do bother! shocked pikachu face, etc.

[yourlocalmissingtexture]

Company-sponsored movie night (unsolved and/or internet mystery investigation videos I’ve already watched 3-4 times) at the electric meat factory (my serotonin-deprived brain) tonight!!

[northrn-lights]

been procrastinating for weeks now and I'm so sick of it I cried. why can't I just do what's need to be done. I'm so upset at myself for being unable to just start. I'm at my limits. and yet I'm still stuck, unable to move.

and like it's a recurring problem. I'm just so disappointed and sick of myself.

[beastcpu]

Choosing a profession has ruined my brain and fixed my relationship with social media. I cannot use an app without rating the UI and making it everyone's problem