#it's done now and my brain can move on | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

queerofthedagger · 1 month

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my 'hey yes we have an all-consuming brainrot going but let's try and do something actually productive this week that I'm having off of work' project is sorting through my bookshelves, rigorously throwing things out (little miss I own over a thousand books in my one-room apartment is reaching the breaking point aka I'm finally and utterly running out of space) and i think i threw out almost a hundred books today and it's still not anywhere close for sorting shelves by genre without having to stack and put things second row. how am I supposed to live like this

#*mine #mona rambles #I've already put a book buying ban on myself until i catch up with my tbr of owned books #unfortunately for me then tolkien took over my brain so while i /am/ only more or less buying my 2 allowed books per month #they're all his stuff and I'm not making a dent in said tbr at all while also having very little hope that this is going to change anytime #soon #i do have a rough sorting now by like....#fantasy / other fiction / queer + feminist + antiracist theory / other non-fiction / poetry / classics / philosophy / language + travel /et #but it's really more of a suggestion and really testing the limits of like.... shelf space lmao #i'll have to catalogue all of it too once i'm done to see what my actual tbr is at and like. man. terrifying #but also i just think someone should pay me money in exchange for 5-50k words per month so that i can move and have a library. it's time

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omaano · 1 year

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WIP 😬

#whose glorious idea was it to experiment with a painterly style on a huge project???#while they were also very specifically and intentionally moving AWAY from that style????#me I was that idiot and now that I got din’s eye so right and pretty I’m done and DONE brain went offline no more can do #😬😬😬😬#dincobb #my art #Wip #should I have taken off the text? probably #will I go back to change it? as you can see the answer to that is no #because frankly I don’t know either

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osamusriceballs · 4 months

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I had an important presentation today and it went well fortunately 💖💕🥹 I’m so tired today though, I’ll probably not finish editing the accident tonight, my apologies 🥺

#love you #tired tired #but I‘m just glad that I can finally move on from the presentation #do you know that feeling when you know you have something like that due next week? and you cannot relax at all #it‘s always subconsciously in your mind #that’s how this presentation felt for me 🥹#I feel so much better now #i will sleep well tonight 💖#Love y‘all #and sorry if someone was waiting for the next part #it’s basically done #I just need to proofread it #but my brain is tired #Tomorrow for sure #and pls lower your expectations on the next part #I made it rather calm #but the part after that will have soooo much drama #I’m eager to write it hehe~ 💖🫶🏻

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sealrock · 3 months

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me: hector is part of a small percentage of garleans that have psionic powers to compensate for their inability to manipulate aether, but it weakens greatly with age and causes immense mental strain

also me: *falls into a deep rabbit hole of paranormal pseudoscience and marvel/dc comic power scaling wackiness in an attempt to explain why and how that is in the ffxiv universe, but suspension of disbelief is thrown out the window*

#cid.txt #rambling thoughts incoming #since se is pretty much done with garlemald: my city now #i can't do things halfway. i have to explain my work or else my brain will grow mold #is it biological? esoteric? environmental? who knows #leave it to me to make things more complicated than it needs to be :p #but there has to be more to their third eye beyond having better spatial awareness for weaponry #there has to be an advantage that others who can use aether do not have #i'm most likely not the first person to think of this concept but i enjoy tinkering with it #and as a sidenote i kinda wanna make yves a pisonic too because the more i remold him the more i move away from his mhach/supernatural root #his new outfit greatly inspired my current situation #he's already tall like a garlean and his full name is latin so he'll fit right in #and since he and hector are similar people i wanna revisit their early concepts of where they were friends—kirke included #i can't not see these 3 as the terror trio no matter how hard i tried to separate them through each rewrite #i'll have to make a meta writeup soon #signalis mgs and outlast have been templates for this concept #so let's see what I can cook up

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dye-it-rouge-et-noir · 5 months

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I think reading classic literature is so much more fun when you make all the characters your blorbo and do silly things with them

#my ramblings #the moment i realized this the gears in my brain started moving and now i can draw them the same way i draw bond characters #now i can share my special interest without fearing about being seen as a pretentious arse and have fun with it #not to say it makes people pretentious to like classic lit but oh boy. i've seen some weirdos on the net #anyways after i get this request done you all are going to see dorian gray art and maybeee the count of monte cristo

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mediapen · 12 days

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this is the worst fucking trip of my life. i spent a week in russia having a massive panic attack every fucking day and THIS is the worst trip of my life

#ive literally never experienced such rude people im gonna snap so fucking bad soon #it’s EVERY DAY if it was a one off it’d be at least a bit better but it’s EVERY TIME I GO ANYWHERE WHAT IS IT ABOUT ME!!!!!!! oh my god #i am so sorry central maybe it’s not you. well it was you but your shitass contagion has spread around the world #I’ve had like six people cut in lines ahead of me people walk so close they push me into walls i just stop dead now it’s the only thing tha #works some guy walked through my arm and WHACKED his arm on my water bottle in my bag and it HURT him i could hear it it’s the highlight of #this entire fucking trip #i have been hit in a cathedral nearly stood on multiple times kids running into me people trying to walk through me ive just lugged my case #onto a bus where these two old cunts with like cabin bag sized cases managed to move to take up SIX SEATS as i got on the bus with my big #case so i had to stand. then nobody would let me off the bus with my big fucking case so hopefully i broke some toes. and THEN in my three #minute walk to this airbnb i am supposed to just get off the planet apparently and also walk in the road because god forbid other people #develop an ounce of brain matter and not walk four abreast on the pavement im fucking over it. fuck off and die you can see me im 5’9 #also the bus people im not done with those fucking bus people like they were in the four seats and one of them went to a two seat but the #one on the four stayed on the edge with his case so i couldn’t get past and there were no other case-friendly seats #like it was fucking intentional what level of fuckhead do you have to be to stop someone sitting on a bus absolutely wank #google translate I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF the next time something happens and i will do it for real #dl

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needylittlegirl · 1 month

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sometimes i forget about the chronic part of chronic pain thats crazy

#like for the most part you get used to it you dont realize how much pain youre in right #but ive been doing my shot for a few months now ! and its WORKING #which is great #BUT THE DOWNNNSIDE #im still on the lowest dose and now that ive done it a few times and its in my system #im noticing when its wearing off #like i need to do it this upcoming week #and for the past few days WOAH buddy im feelin the pain #im not worried cuz i can just start a higher dose #but its just crazy to like realize how much pain im in constantly #does this make any sense #idk #i think thats why ive been so tired cause its kicking me in the face #like imagine pressing on a bruise everyday for 20 years #like it would eventually just move to the back of your brain youd deal with it #and then you stop pressing on it for a few weeks so you forget about it completely #and then you start pressing on it again out of the blue #like the pain is Familiar and Manageable you just got so used to not having it it throws you off your game #tbd

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mittensmorgul · 10 months

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🥹

#4 am and it only took me four days to write this scene... >.>#but it's done and now this fic is close to done but the denouement #or... maybe one more chapter and then the denouement #it's late it's not like my brain's working properly anymore but it's nearly done now #and then i can be freeeeee of this that's been plaguing my brain since february :'D #and move on to the next brain plague! which is already starting to push this one aside #and now i'm gonna go use the sleeps and let the two ideas i have for the next brain plague duel it out #and then i guess i'll write whichever one wins the fistfight :'D #well nighty night y'all

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winterrose42 · 3 months

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The frustration of i want to do things and get things done but i dont have everything i need to fully complete it. Cant complete it so whats the point of working at all. Need to do things now so im not overwhelmed doing All Of It later. I dont have everything i need yet so i cant complete it and it looks bad. Cant complete it so whats the point-

#winter speaks #the point is i have some sort of chronic fayigue thing so foing little bits where i can instead of needing to do it all at once is necessary #but fighting against my brain for days on end to do even little things so im notbtired layer is exhausting itself #and things being so messy is triggering panic bc im gonna get in trouble even thiugh im not but oooh my god #why i hated moving why i eill hate moving and why i loathe room rearranging #itll be so.much better and object impermanence friendly and space saving plus my beds gonna be up high #and that eill be so much better mental health wise but The Process is making me want to itch my skin off #itchy itchybitchy and my head hurts and i wanna nap but i refuse and thats not good either and euuugh #and i just know my bed frame will be packed with styrofoam. the ridiculous amount of dread just from that #by march itll be done and my space will be livable agaim post depressive episode mess turned complete reorganization #and i can start my schedule things and figure shit oyt but right now i am miserable and itchy

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thebeautifulfantastic · 3 months

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<3

#been thinking a lot about how whenever i have a dream or an idea marinating in my brain for long enough it then becomes something that i am #determined to pursue. and that no one can really dissuade me from #it simply becomes a permanent part of my creative direction in life #i guess you could say that's kind of the same thing as having a special interest but not QUITE #like for example. what i'm thinking of right now is my desire to start a band #and i come up with a lot of crazy ideas on a day to day basis but a good amount of them end up being simply fleeting or dictated by my mood #the ones that stay though... those are the one that actually HAPPEN #i've wanted to sing in a band for at least a year now #to be honest it's probably been longer but it's been at least a year of me being consciously aware of it #and it just made me realize. this desire has stuck around in my brain for quite a while now #and i think that means it is going to happen someday #i don't know exactly how yet because the way i originally thought it might happen (me going to music college) didn't work out #but it's been a year and i'm still thinking about it and keeping my eyes open in case i meet the right people to make music with #i know from experience that when i put my mind to something i WILL get it done #in the sense that i will surprise myself with how stubborn i can be when it comes to not stopping chasing my dreams #and i've had big goals in the past that i did achieve because of this #i'm also like. surprisingly adaptable??? i only recently learned that about myself but i be pulling Plan B's out of my sleeves #so that's all to say -- i'm choosing to believe that i will start my band someday and it will be better than i can imagine right now #and in general i'm choosing to believe that the things i truly love and truly want in my life will only become more clear over time #even if i'm confused and lost at times NOW... if i keep moving forward in time it will all make sense #and a lot of times situations do work out exactly the way they were meant to but in the most unexpected of ways #i don't know how coherent this all was but yeah #starting a band is only the most recent example #belle speaks

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publicuniversalenemy · 11 months

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i have obtained a SIGNIFICANT and POTENTIALLY CARCINOGENIC BIOHAZARD and im BEYOND EXCITED ABOUT THIS

#the bhiohazard in question? a couple of nastyass turnouts!!!! a jacket and some pants!!!!!#yeah theyre sitting abt three feet away from me but dw!!! theyre in a big garbage bag so its ok ^-^#basically the EMT program (that im almost done with. as a side note but woot woot) is selling their old student ambulances #since theyre a bitch to maintain and we have a newer indoors simulator (its like. the back of an ambulace built into a room)#(like the back and one of the sides are open and it doesnt have a drivers compartment (duh) and no tires but is otherwise a Real Ambulance #which we use for practicing)#anyways so these old student ambulances gotta get cleaned out before they can be sold yeah?#and as it HAPPENS!! theyve been storing a SHIT TON of nasty filthy smelly turnouts in there for the past While #like probably 12-16 Large garbage bags full #(for those who dont know: turnouts are what those fucking. firefighter uniforms are called. like the ones they wear In Fires)#and they dont know what to do with them so theyre gonna get thrown away next week #so my TEACHER!!! was like 'yall if anyone Wants any of that shit you can literally just help urself'#so i went down today and poked thru some bags and GOT STUFFS!!!#anyways i am excited not only bc Turnouts Cool but ALSO bc theyre Super Fucking Insulated #bc theyre meant to be worn inside Massive and Super Hot fires #which yeah protects u from extreme heat but my GENUOS BRAIN also realized this: they would be STUPID COZY in cold weather #and i happen to be moving to a rather cold part of the states in a few months!!!!#so now i have free winter gear and its EXTRA SEXY STYLE #however u CANNOT clean turnouts at home bc #a) they gotta be washed with Extra Strong Industrial Fucking Machines #(called 'extractors' not 'washing machines')#and b)#they can and WILL leech nasty fucking toxins from structural fires into your machine and contaminate everything forever <3 #so ive reached out to some 'send away' turnout laundry services #idk if theyre gonna do it tho cuz um. im Not associated with a fire department <3 #so if that fails ill just do the best i can at home!!! <- research mode Engaged #either way theyre sexy and Yes i can still smell them despite them being bagged in a Super Rugged Industrial Manly Garbage Bag #(i didnt tie it super tight)#btu thats ok whats life without Danger <3 #whatever the fuck

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slippery-minghus · 4 months

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thinkin about that extra lgbt bjj class i went to today in the context of being an analog for the extra outside-of-school band classes i had to go to while i was in band in middle school.

and thinkin about how the body keeps the score, and all that. (i really ought to read more of that book) doing this very physical thing is of course reminding me of painful events of the past that tracked similar lines. even though what i'm doing now is because it makes me happy.

that extra band class... i already hated band. had been curious to try it (and hadn't learned my lesson yet about never being curious, never asking to try new things) and then was forced to do it for two? three years? that was when i learned my lesson. because i had to be the best at clarinet, or something. i guess. so we had to go to weekly classes two towns away so i could practice more (and i sure as hell couldn't practice at home. because that would annoy my parents. and open me up to criticism for not being perfect) it was a terrible class to go to, that weekly thing. no one was nice. (i literally remember the other kids in that class as being black stony shadows...) we learned different things than at school, which simultaneously set me ahead of my peers but also behind them. that was the year i only had one (1) day a week where the only thing i had to do after school was homework. i was so miserable.

but what a happily contrasting parallel the lgbt class at the gym across town today was. we learned a new set of moves, but ones that built on what i actually know, and well-roundedly made me more skilled. everyone was so friendly and welcoming. we were all there because we wanted to be—no one was forcing us. and certainly not forcing us to be the best or compete. it was just pure fun. and learning for the sake of learning.

it's ironic that my brain drew the correlation to band class for another reason... the main explanation my parents gave me for forcing me to stay in band class even though i begged and cried to quit was that i "needed to make new friends". which fucking. was absolute bullshit and didn't work at all. there was only one kid in the whole band who even spoke to me a few times. and the friends i did have just had one more reason to bully me (i don't blame you squidward)

yet now? as an adult? i nearly immediately made friends! and was excitedly introduced to more friends!! because i'm somewhere i actually want to be!! and i can reclaim the agency to try new activities because no one. is going. to fucking. force. me. ever again.

life is good

#also i got some more sickass bruises today #i didnt even go that hard #one of the things we talked about in the litle geoup i joined #was how much easier it was to be embodied in stuff like martial arts after transitioning #and i shared how i'd done my transition and my body felt right but bc of brain stuff i was still learning how to live in it #like okay the house is built and decorated can i move in now?? so that's why i'm doing bjj #to learn how to be in my body better and have the presence in it to move it how i want to #to actually be in the car and driving it not just standing off to the side with a shitty rc controller #and hell that metaphor still has a lot of separation. i guess rather to BE the sentient car a la lightning mcqueen lmao #personal

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opens-up-4-nobody · 11 months

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