#it's genuinely a very damaging attitude to have and to enforce on others

[ruby-whistler]

Small thing- i did my research and as it turns out c!tommy has never stolen dream's chestplate, the only time he took anything remotely like that from dream was when dream died of fall damage once and tommy briefly picked it up and returned it -curious anon (unless u have a vod or something but idk)

hey! this ask has been sitting at the back of my inbox for a while now - and that is because i actually went back and made an analysis of the original disc conflict which is what i was actually talking about.

this is gonna be very in-detail because that's how i do stuff. word-by-word, frame-by-frame.

this is not quite roleplay yet, but the "war" is in minecraft and it's all completely lighthearted, so, i'm saying this just as a disclaimer.

i started analysing tommy's video "So I Started a Minecraft War VS Dream…", not the stream. if anyone knows that the stream has additional, important information, i'll watch it as well.

so, let's start off.

sapnap had a fight with ponk and alyssa - tommy joined in to help sapnap kill them. "however dream doesn't like when people fight on his server" - he already has the reputation of being a mediator. this is very interesting to note for later.

dream logs on after which ponk and alyssa, who have just been killed, start asking him for help.

dream shows up in iron armor, sapnap and tommy fully decked out.

dream is not an idiot. there are two people with stronger gear coming at him, yelling in a stream he has open "LET'S KILL DREAM" at the top of their lungs, having just killed two server members.

the two are charging at him, so he shoots to knock them back. after this he runs while tommy and sapnap proceed to assault him.

they're killing someone who can't protect themselves for fun. dream is the underdog in this situation - funnily enough, this event gets often cited as dream being tyrannical despite the fact.

dream runs himself into a corner besides the fence. sapnap kills him and tommy is mad that he didn't get the kill.

all of dream's stuff is laying on the ground and they pick it up.

[ Sapnap: NOONE CAN TAKE US ]

we can see gold, iron, gapples, food, spare items and materials, which they pick up - and most importantly, dream's crossbow. since his armor and weapons are decent and best, his crossbow is probably his most important item, and tommy gloats about having it.

[ Dream: give me my stuff back ]

tommy responds to this by saying "watch, no, watch this", insulting dream, and then killing him with his own crossbow.

dream has a track record on the smp, that he keeps throughout the l'manberg war as well, of giving people their stuff back if he kills them - this would usually happen to stop them from assaulting someone else. his one rule he enforces is "don't be a jerk", so don't steal things or ruin things people have worked for. this is seemingly why he "doesn't like" conflict.

he doesn't genuinely want anyone to lose the stuff that they've earned, and he expects this same attitude towards himself.

this is why he comes towards tommy with no armor, seemingly completely trusting he would be given back his stuff. this doesn't happen, as tommy wants a dream kill under his belt. tommy chases dream down as he tries to get away. alyssa, seemingly without any items - it's reasonable to assume they were also taken by tommy and sapnap, or maybe she doesn't have anything for some other reason - gets killed again when she runs by tommy and dream. thanks to this fact, dream gets away, and sapnap and tommy start trying to devise a plan to kill dream again.

dream gets punz and ponk to help him, of which punz is the only person with full armor - all three are wearing armor. by this time, tubbo has joined, who has inferior armor to even dream, but the three have much better gear overall. it's unsurprising then, that during this encounter, sapnap and tommy manage to kill all three - sapnap kills ponk and dream while tommy gets punz.

[ Tubbo_: punz wth? ]

during this encounter, tubbo doesn't engage, but watches from the top of the fence.

[ Sapnap: STOP THIS MADNESS ]

tommy then goes to chase dream down in order to finally get the kill he had wanted. dream combat logs, and tommy boasts about how many diamonds he managed to gain by stealing from the people he killed during the fight.

tubbo comments that he doesn't think anyone's won, because things on the server were destroyed during the battle. tommy kicked him from the call, telling sapnap that he's not on their side.

dream relogs and gets immediately killed by tommy.

[ Sapnap: STOP THIS MADNESS ]

[ Sapnap: WE ALL NEED TO TALK ]

[ Sapnap: you just lost a 3v2 ]

[ Tubbo_: why don't you guys just- (cut off) ]

[ Sapnap: 4v2 actually ]

[ Dream: I had nothing ]

[ Sapnap: we can talk ]

tommy suggests to vc, saying "all war stops now". he tells ponk that they've already won, to which sapnap alerts him to dream's messages that he sent in chat.

[ Dream: I have the music discs ]

[ Dream: and I'm going to burn them ]

[ Dream: unless my stuff is returned ]

here we can see that dream literally only wanted his stuff back - when negotiations failed and he was killed three times over, he decided to retaliate and get his items - which he had, much like tommy with the discs, worked hard for - using another method.

this was not him targeting people's attachments or targeting sentimental value. he knew tommy had worked for hours to get them, which is why he used them as leverage.

tommy is understandably distraught after this.

[ Punz: rekt ]

[ Punz: don't touch dream ]

tubbo and sapnap watch dream walk past them, looking into tommy's chests. they don't do anything besides telling tommy.

dream proceeds to kill tommy as retaliation, probably thinking tommy would have his stuff on him.

sapnap kills ponk and doesn't get the discs back from dream.

[ TommyInnit: Dream ]

[ TommyInnit: Where are the discs ]

tommy then tries to blame sapnap for this happening, despite the fact that he was the one to chase after dream and refuse to return his items. sapnap says that they attacked them, which is also not true.

sapnap and tommy scheme to try kill dream, to which dream kills tommy again to set them back and stop them from doing so.

dream manages to kill sapnap with his bow. he then boasts about winning a 1v2 in chat, seemingly replying to sapnap mocking him earlier for losing a 4v2.

dream joins the call after which tommy begins yelling at him about him killing him and stealing his stuff.

"i was walking down a path when two fully decked out people 2v1'd me and killed me. and then i came back, and i killed both of you, i took all of your stuff."

dream here explains that he was just walking down the path, confirming he wasn't planning to attack them, but they jumped him pretty much out of nowhere and essentially mugged him of the few items he had. he doesn't feel bad for retaliating for this unfair treatment.

he then proceeds to say he was not an idiot; he heard them shouting that they were going to kill him because he had had the stream open.

tommy denies all these accusations, dismissing dream's rightful anger. he refuses to apologize.

dream says that he will return his stuff, but burn his discs as punishment for killing people and not apologizing. he speaks on behalf of not only himself, but also punz and alyssa.

tommy tries to negotiate via tricking dream, but dream says he'll keep the discs specifically so that tommy wouldn't kill him again. sapnap apologizes, saying it was an accident (it really wasn't but dream takes it), tommy simply saying he's on his side now instead of a proper apology. dream steps away from saying he will burn them, returning tommy's gear, specifically his chestplate and his sword.

alyssa comes to ask for items and gets killed by dream, then sapnap. dream asks if anyone has his steak. alyssa complains in chat about having all of her items stolen from her and being killed repeatedly. i really feel bad for her in this because she gets the worst treatment from everyone.

dream says he'll keep the discs safe, but that he doesn't trust tommy.

he leaves the call and leaves the room, seemingly not wanting to engage with the conflict anymore. sapnap gets mellohi from dream and gives it to tommy, who goes to hide it, while he keeps him off.

as the disc war goes, the two are stubborn and continue to battle for the discs. this is however what started it, and it did happen because of tommy's (and to a degree sapnap's) actions. he held the discs as leverage because tommy refused to return the few items he had.

[safetypinkerton]

Hollywood Propaganda by Mark Dice 

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/hollywood-propaganda-mark-dice/1137833508

Christianity Under Attack

In order to destroy America, the conspirators are determined to eradicate faith in God and dismantle organized Christianity. Attacking Jesus and Christianity is a sacrament in Hollywood because the far-Left hates Jesus and everything He stands for. It’s not an overstatement to say that many in key positions of power in the entertainment industry (and politics) are Satanists who will someday openly embrace Lucifer as the rebel angel kicked out of Heaven for defying God.

  “I’m glad the Jews killed Christ,” ranted comedian Sarah Silverman in one of her comedy specials. “Good. I’d fucking do it again!” she declares, as her audience agrees in laughter.158 While accepting an Emmy Award one year Kathy Griffin said, “A lot of people come up here and they thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus. He didn’t help me a bit…so all I can say is suck it Jesus! This award is my god now!”159

I’m not saying people shouldn’t be able to make fun of Christians, but no mainstream celebrity would dare make such insults or jokes about Muhammad because Muslims (and Jews) are vigorously protected against any criticism or mockery and only wonderful things can be said about them. Even a slightly edgy joke ignites a barrage of attacks with cries of “Islamophobia” or “anti-Semitism” and gears start moving in the well-funded and massive smear machines like the ADL and the SPLC which quickly move to destroy the person’s career before they can utter another word.

Hating Christians is almost as necessary as believing in climate change if you’re going to be a mainstream Hollywood celebrity. There are very few open Christians in Hollywood, most of them are has-beens like Kevin Sorbo and Kirk Cameron who have been basically blacklisted since being open about their faith.

  Kevin Sorbo was banned from Comicon because he’s a conservative and “pals with Sean Hannity.”160 He and other Christian actors are stuck doing low budget films that get little attention. They’re allowed to exist (for now) as long as they never point out the Bible’s teachings on homosexuality. Only watered down and generic Christian messages are allowed to be said.

After Guardians of the Galaxy star Chris Pratt appeared on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert and happened to discuss his “spirituality,” many online began attacking him for being a Christian and attending a church. Actress Ellen Page (a lesbian) from the X-Men and Inception tweeted, “If you are a famous actor and you belong to an organization that hates a certain group of people, don’t be surprised if someone simply wonders why it’s not addressed. Being anti LGBTQ is wrong, there aren’t two sides. The damage it causes is severe. Full stop.”161

Singer Ellie Goulding threatened to back out of her scheduled performance at the 2019 Thanksgiving NFL halftime show if the Salvation Army didn’t pledge to donate money to LGBT causes. She got the idea after her Instagram comments were flooded with complaints from her fans because the Salvation Army was sponsoring the game to announce their annual Red Kettle Campaign (bell ringers) fundraiser for the homeless.162 Since the Salvation Army is a Christian charity, Goulding’s fans freaked out, accusing them of being “homophobic” and “transphobic.”

They quickly bowed to the pressure and “disavowed” any anti-LGBT beliefs, which basically means they’re disavowing the Bible because even the New Testament denounces homosexuality in Romans 1:26-27 and 1st Corinthians 6:9-10. Many critics claim that only the Old Testament does, but the Book of Romans makes it clear that just because Jesus came to offer salvation doesn’t mean God’s law regarding homosexuality changed.

The Salvation Army also removed a “position statement” from their website that had made it clear “Scripture forbids sexual intimacy between members of the same sex,” and replaced it with one saying “We embrace people regardless of race, gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or gender identity.”163 One of the world’s largest Christian charities whose very name “The Salvation Army” refers to the salvation of Christ, cowardly bowed down to the Leftist activists out of fear they would be branded “homophobic.”

Christians are easy targets since they’re much more passive than Jews and Muslims when attacked, and Hollywood loves to stereotype them as a bunch of superstitious bigots who don’t know how to have fun. In the rare case that there is a movie favorable to Christianity that gets widespread distribution, that too is attacked.

Passion of the Christ was deemed “anti-Semitic” because it depicts the story of Jesus’ arrest, sham trial, and crucifixion.164 It was the most popular film about the events to be made and wasn’t a straight to DVD release like most others. With Mel Gibson behind it, the film became a huge success, which caused a tremendous backlash.

The ADL [Anti-Defamation League] denounced the film, saying it “continues its unambiguous portrayal of Jews as being responsible for the death of Jesus. There is no question in this film about who is responsible. At every single opportunity, Mr. Gibson’s film reinforces the notion that the Jewish authorities and the Jewish mob are the ones ultimately responsible for the Crucifixion.”165 That’s because that’s what happened!

Technically, the Romans did it, but at the behest of the Jewish leadership in Jerusalem at the time. The Bible makes it very clear what led to Jesus being crucified. Pontius Pilate is quoted in Matthew 27:24 saying, “I am innocent of this man’s blood,” and “It is your responsibility!” meaning the Jewish Pharisees. They were the ones who conspired to have Jesus arrested and killed for “blasphemy” and being a “false” messiah. Pontius Pilate even offered to release Jesus, but the crowd demanded he release Barabbas instead, another man who was being detained for insurrection against Rome, and for murder.166

A critic for the New York Daily News called The Passion of the Christ, “the most virulently anti-Semitic movie made since the German propaganda films of the Second World War.”167 Many others angrily denounced the film when it came out in 2004. Some in the media even blamed it for a supposed “upsurge” in anti-Semitic hate crimes.168

When the History Channel miniseries The Bible was released in 2013, the same cries of “anti-Semitism” rang out.169 The New York Times opinion editor Bari Weiss went so far as to say that it’s a “conspiracy theory” that Jews killed Jesus.170

Even though most Christmas movies aren’t overtly Christian and instead focus of the importance of families reuniting and spending time together, that doesn’t mean they’re not going to come under attack. As the war on western culture continues, the Marxists have set their sights on Christmas too.

Online liberal cesspool Salon.com ran a headline reading “Hallmark movies are fascist propaganda,” and complained they promote “heteronormative whiteness” because there aren’t enough LGBT characters or people of color in them.171

“Hallmark movies, with their emphasis on returning home and the pleasures of the small, domestic life, also send a not-at-all subtle signal of disdain for cosmopolitanism and curiosity about the larger world,” Salon said, “which is exactly the sort of attitude that helps breed the kind of defensive White nationalism that we see growing in strength in the Donald Trump era.”172

The article went on to say that because the Hallmark Channel airs so many Christmas movies, it is promoting, “a set of patriarchal and authoritarian values that are more about White evangelicals defining themselves as an ethnic group, and not about a genuine feeling of spirituality…The very fact that they’re presented as harmless fluff makes it all the more insidious, the way they work to enforce very narrow, White, heteronormative, sexist, provincial ideas of what constitutes ‘normal.’”173

The article wasn’t satire. Salon.com has a deep-seated hatred of Christianity, conservatives and families, and is another cog in the Cultural Marxist machine working to destroy the United States.

Comedian Whitney Cummings was reported to the Human Resources department of a major Hollywood studio after she wished the crew of a TV show she was working on “Merry Christmas” when they wrapped up for the year. She made the revelation while speaking with Conan O’Brian the following December. “Last year, I was working on a TV show, [and] got in trouble with Human Resources for saying ‘Merry Christmas’ to an intern,” she began.174

Conan asked her if she was being serious and she said it was a true story, elaborating, “I was leaving, like on the 18th or whatever…and I was like, ‘Bye guys, Merry Christmas.’” When she returned from vacation after New Year’s she was called to HR and scolded. She joked, “I don’t even care how your Christmas was. It was just a formality. It’s what you say when you leave.”175

Conan O’Brien then replied, “In these times we’re in, that could trigger someone or offend them if it’s not their holiday.”176 She didn’t say which network it was, but she’s been involved with some major shows like NBC’s Whitney (where she played the main character), as well as the CBS sitcom 2 Broke Girls, which she created and was a writer for.

While today it may seem impossible that Christmas movies may become a thing of the past, nobody could have ever guessed that reruns of the classic Dukes of Hazzard would get banned after the Confederate flag was deemed a “hate symbol” in 2015, or that Aunt Jemima pancake syrup, Eskimo Pie ice cream bars, and Uncle Ben’s Rice would be deemed “racially insensitive” and pulled from production a few years later.177

Once someone reminds liberals that the word Christmas is derived from Christ’s Mass and that it is actually a commemoration of the birth of Jesus, they may finally go over the edge and deem Christmas just as offensive as Columbus Day or the Fourth of July. And with the Muslim and Sikh populations increasing in the United States, the American standard of Christmas music playing in shopping malls and retail stores all month long every December may one day come to an end because it’s not “inclusive” and leaves non-Christians feeling “ostracized.”

[light-of-being]

a very fkin long and incomplete exposition of my flaws as a human being

I've not really spoken about the probably most consequential event in my recent life (the ending of a long term relationship), and that's because I haven't really thought about it very much. At least, not in a clear-headed space not entirely filled with rage, fear, or initially, longing. So, I've mostly just been waiting for the intensity of those responses to wear out before I can go back and make sense of things in a sorta 'safe' way.

(These days it's mostly anger and/or hurt. Sometimes twinges of hatred, but those fizzle quickly. I know that attitude isn't 'true'. I tried to hate him, I really did. Things would be so much simpler that way — an obvious villain of pure evil, a mistake worthy of contempt. Put him behind me as someone I regret meeting and consider everything only as a flashing warning sign of what to avoid next time. But real life never is that easy, is it.)

Regardless, reading about miscellaneous psychological ~stuff, I realised that I know for sure now that there are sides of me that only come out in a close relationship, as they postulate. It's unfortunate that my exposure to this was only in such a toxic environment, and I'm not sure if or when closeness has any chance of happening again.

I suspect, based on what I have/haven't felt with him vs others, that I can (at least at this stage of my development) only really feel 'seen' by an antisocial/narcissist/schizoid (or something in that general direction), just hope to god it's a mature one next time. I might want to interrogate and possibly change that fact, I'm not sure it's at all a healthily arrived preference. But...

there is a degree of normalcy and social belonging in others that becomes a wall

I can relate superficially, cognitively and even 'deeply personally' (tho is all y'all's deeply personal shit necessarily relational?), have a good time and even feel 'connection' but there are parts that seem simply insurmountable.

The lack of relating to many things is the unifying factor between me and the specified groups: the shared experience of not having shared experiences

But yet, a more acute awareness of superficiality, and the drives and mechanics of human interactions, attitudes, identity and constructs, not taken for granted as default but built from the ground up (Most often out of either necessity or a desire to manipulate them, but still).

Actually, most straightforwardly, the shared experience of experiencing oneself as an outsider to society — whether people personally, accepted norms or expected attitudes towards self and other.*

Anyway, that was a whole semi-tangent I went off on (useful and relevant to the initial thought but not the point I was planning on).

Important point was...ah yes, insights!

...into how I behave under genuine relational circumstances. Due to aforementioned toxicity, I'm not sure how generalisable they are to relationships overall, but they should generalise to feeling-states.

1.

(a) Fear. Defensiveness.

Switches off my brain. Obvious? No. I have been actively strategic while having a gun pointed at me. I thought I had that down. Turns out, I cannot dissociate myself out of an argument most of the time.

Turns out, just the fact or even prospect of arguing activates panic and brain goes out the window. Which is really fucking stupid as an occurrence because how many of these could be prevented with a bit of mindfulness and thoughtful responding. But getting emotions to chill out for long enough to do that is tough.

(b) I am a stubborn dumbass. Kid me argued until they were attacked so harshly that they absolutely could not continue. The alternative presented was to just keep silent, one I did not then and do not now accept. Discussion where both parties partake in good faith have generally been fruitful, only neither of these situations were that. Both involved one person trying to dominate at all costs. To which I suppose keeping silent for the moment and then running tf away is an appropriate response. Idk. I'm not sure if this is a 'normal situation' to which I respond unhealthily, or an 'abnormal situation' in which you just do your best to survive. Arguments are normal. Idk if other people have a less aggressive approach that is less outright terrifying, in which I can modulate, but it does seem like people want to prove you wrong and get angry, which I perceive as aggression.

2. 

Which brings me to boundaries. Can I shut things down when I'm overwhelmed. In the present case, the answer was no. They both didn't stop and the fact that I asked for this was interpreted as admission of defeat.Oftentimes, getting out of the situation was more of an ordeal than dealing with it. [We stayed at a hotel the one time and he did things that made me very uncomfortable (in like a “things that I shudder at thinking about even now” kind of way; not sexual btw which this has made it sound). I thought I was as clear as I could’ve been by saying, “I’m going to legit have a breakdown if you keep doing that” but apparently it came across as a joke (gotta improve on communication as well). He stopped and apologised when he realised I was crying, but later blamed me for not being more assertive and laughed at my ‘exaggerated’ response and “meltdown”. At this point I wanted to leave and go home, but he withheld [my copy of] the key. He insisted and manipulated and coerced for discussion, said I could have the key if I “really wanted it, but do I actually want that”, until it was just easier to give in. The helplessness and feeling trapped of that evening haunts me to this day, and I want to be very sure to never be in any situation where that is even a possibility again no matter what.]

I need to get better at knowing what is and isn't okay and being strong enough to enforce that.

3.

(a) Attachment is a bitch. Utterly unfamiliar sensation, one I don't know my way around at all. The rarity of relation makes it seem so fucking precious, so fucking necessary to protect even to my detriment and his. Dare I tip the boat or will it sink. Should I be the dancing monkey to keep it from sinking. Should he.

(b) The feeling of giving a damn what someone thinks of me is also foreign and difficult. It also seems hella intensified by virtue of not existing elsewhere. Disapproval feels devastating. Criticism becomes attack. Everything feels like a continuous effort to establish worth. I'd imagined acceptance could be taken for granted, but I questioned it the whole way (obviously doesn't help when he demands changes).

(c) I have trouble distinguishing between personal issues and insecurities and legitimate reason to be upset. I think this is typical. But with trial and error, one can probably pick up on what you carry with you across differing people and circumstances. I don't have that data. I have nothing to compare against. I also suspect some parts of this is him treating legitimate reasons as being my distorted perceptions, which I'm pretty sure did happen for a few things that I believe are 'objectively' shitty.

5. 

I trust. Too. Fucking. Much. I take shit at face value. This is very often dumb and...bad in literally every sense, but I don’t yet know how to identify preemptively when that's the case. I also fail to be adequately 'suspicious' I guess to be alert to minor inconsistencies later on. Lies are especially devastating. I built my reality around you using that fundamental premise. Now you tell me it was false all along. Where does that leave me? I go back to substitute and nothing makes sense. I don't know if the initial statement was a lie or the claim that it's false was. I don't know if everything I remember is just distorted somehow. I don't know what to do. (aside: gaslighting? I’m inclined to say “effectively, yes”. The best explanation I have is that for many things he rewrote the narrative in his own mind and does not remember the things that blatantly contradict it. For other things, I cannot see that being possible and am forced to think it’s just pure lies). All of this could have been prevented if I accounted for people being dishonest.

6. 

(a) I lose sympathy. Genuinely did not ever expect this to happen. Enough hurt, enough deception and I stop trying to understand why. I assume malice. I expect malice in future interactions and misread situations as a result. In the beginning I made fucktons of effort to be understanding of things far from my typical range (hello, admissions of past violence and present homicidal ideation. Hello, talking someone out of real intention of ruining a person's life over a minor slight). Honestly, I think I overreached. Some of these things were not things I should have tolerated, accepted even. When I started walking on eggshells to not have him ruin my life, too, that was probably when I should've gotten out. He claimed that the people he cares about are exceptions. That's probably true, otherwise I would currently be in a ton of shit. But at some point I did stop believing it.

(b) I don't really think that most of the things that happened were malicious. Some, he admits, were. But mostly he wasn't out with the intention to hurt me, but he also didn't make the effort...not to. Even with me repeatedly complaining about things, he was defensive or dismissive, considering me talking about an issue to be me creating issues in his life. This is super shitty, his damage is caused by a stubborn ego fixation and sheer passivity, thoughtlessness (he has agreed to all of this in our final conversation), but it isn't exactly intentionally malicious. If he genuinely didn't believe there was a problem, that is an issue, and the fact that he utterly failed until the end to even consider the possibility of a valid complaint, is a very real flaw. He is bad insofar as "he is lazy and incompetent at being good". Which I can understand but nevertheless protect myself from. Ideally, sooner. At the point where I start feeling like someone is being shitty more often than not, something needs to happen. A discussion, a reconsideration, a run-as-fast-as-you-can... Something.

Idk. This isn't everything. But yeah.

.

.

.

* These 3 PDs are often used in illustrating the idea of pathologising difference: few of the criteria are about subjective distress and many about extrinsic value judgements of what a person should be like (lol, my clinical psych final had an essay question on this). I don't necessarily agree but it does speak to a shared thread of...something. That said, this characterisation is tbh still too broad for my liking. Importantly, it is definitively applicable to autistic people but I do not in general relate to that in the same way. Some specific manifestations of it, yes, but I have seen far too many excessively... 'human' autistic people to include the whole category. There are probably folks in the PD categories who are also like that but I think much less common.

[kyojuuros]

Chapter 116 Reaction

I was contemplating if I wanted to wait until the official translation is out, but since the JPN→ENG fan translation team has released their version, I think that’s good enough. Also, my work week is going to eat me alive and I probably won’t be very present until next weekend. So here we go.

I was really looking forward to seeing Eren and Pieck interact and while it wasn’t entirely what I expected, I also wasn’t disappointed. While it is clear that they are both playing each other, I cannot see any point in which there is dishonesty in their views and feelings. The only lie told here is that Pieck wishes to ally with Eren.

Eren is very aware of the situation and that the warriors cannot kill them if they want to successfully retrieve the Founding Titan. He knows the repercussions of disobeying orders and he uses that against Pieck, calling out her bluff.

This has made me start to realize even further that Eren has developed a sense of arrogance about his position that’s going to start plummeting him in a downward spiral, and I think the ending to this chapter reflects the beginning of it. He used a similar threat toward Hange back in chapter 107. It’s the same sentiment: “You can’t kill me, I have the Founding Titan’s power.” Just as well, it is the power he possesses that he used to make the Survey Corps come for him in Liberio to begin with. They’ll come for me. They have no choice. I’m the Founding Titan. 

He’s using it as his get-out-of-jail free card and swinging it around without any reservations. The only way that Eren can be allowed to die is by titan inheritance. Weapons... words... none of those are a threat to him. Unless he’s facing the mouth of a titan, he can’t be harmed. 

It reminds me of the small interview Isayama did a while back where he stated that part of the story’s current themes is that one needs to be able to doubt oneself. Top it off with a separate interview where Isayama said that Zeke is a presence which Eren must not become. Zeke is also very arrogant in that he believes he knows what’s best for everyone and that he can’t be harmed because he has royal blood. This will only be further enforced by his resurrection. While Eren’s goals and motives are most likely the opposite of Zeke’s, the arrogance is something that they definitely share right now. 

This sort of arrogance and somewhat cocky attitude that Eren has been emitting in recent chapters has been making him look and feel increasingly more villainous. Personally, I’m hopeful that we are seeing the peak of this behavior and that it will start to tamper down now that the Warriors have made their move.

Back on topic, though, Eren calls out Pieck’s bluff and she backs off instantly. But here is where the mind games begin. Pieck is unaware of Zeke and Eren’s motives. Based on the information she’s gathered so far, and their actions, she starts to appeal to Eren by claiming she is hopeful he can bring upon the destruction of Marley with the Founding Titan. Pieck thinks she understands what Eren wants, but this is proof that she doesn’t actually know at all. We as readers know that the goal has nothing to do with bringing down Marley, so it’s easy to see that Eren is gauging her ruse.

Despite putting on a play with her loyalties, Pieck also doesn’t lie. She confirms later in the chapter that these are her true feelings - she wants Eldians to be free. She doesn’t support Marley. This leads to her also giving Gabi a heavy dose of reality. Something I really believe Gabi needed to her from her own side. 

This made me very happy. Gabi has been struggling a lot with her views about her own race since the day she was born. She was raised to believe that her people are not good. That they have to prove their worthiness through their own sacrifice. That demonizing the same people who share her blood on a small island across the ocean somehow makes her a better person, a better Eldian. That being loyal to Marley will suddenly wash her blood away, despite holding onto one of the 9 titan powers herself one day. Then her views are challenged when she is stuck on that very same island - the island of devils - and she realizes that these people are no different. They are kind, they have conflict, they can forgive, they can hold grudges. The people currently living on this island have done nothing to deserve being wiped out. She knows better in her heart, she truly does, but it’s been hard for her to come to terms with it because she’s wanted so badly to believe everything she learned was true. That her efforts would mean something in the end. 

And finally, for the first time, someone from her own side, who’s shared her struggles, who’s lived through the brainwashing, who’s fought on her side, tells it to her exactly like it is: She cannot escape her blood. Marley does not care about her. She is no better or worse than the people on the island. 

I am hopeful that this will help Gabi solidify her stance and her views, and that she’ll be pushed to do something truly meaningful for her people by the end of this narrative. She won’t have to end up like Reiner. She won’t have to stain her hands with the blood of thousands of Eldians to prove herself a hero or save her people. There is another way. 

Moving forward, Eren continues to cut himself as a threat. After Pieck says that Eldians have to gain their rights through their own power, Eren tells Pieck to prove it. If she’s willing to side with him, then she needs to give him a good reason why he should believe her. Pieck proposes heading up to the roof to point out her comrades. Eren agrees, but I think it’s clear he is not doing so with an ounce of trust or faith in her. He can tell she’s up to something. But he goes with it, if only just to find out what the enemy’s next move is.

Another scene that made me happy was seeing Eren break his facade momentarily when he’s asked about Falco. He looks worried about it, and his face when he tells Gabi about Falco’s current state is one of the softest expressions he shows in this chapter. I don’t think it makes him at all happy to know that Falco has drank Zeke’s spinal fluid - Eren really likes Falco, and I believe he was genuine when he told Falco he wanted him to live a long life. Now Falco is at risk and there’s nothing that can be done about it. 

Whether Isayama actually does anything with this or not, I like that this ties a common thread between Gabi and Eren. Of course, Gabi feels entirely at fault because Falco was hit with the wine while he was trying to protect her. She hates that he keeps getting himself hurt for her sake. She feels responsible for it. Just as well, I think that Eren also feels responsible. His actions unraveled the chain of events that put Falco in this situation in the first place. One thing these two do have in common now is concern for Falco and his future. Maybe that’ll go somewhere, maybe it won’t. But I like that there is a potential there for them to start connecting to each other in the future if Isayama wants them to. 

Of course, this leads us to confirmation of a topic that has been wildly speculated on since chapter 112: Eren does indeed know about the spine wine. 

As was brought up by @yaboylevi in this post, I think that Eren is not happy about the fluid existing. That it may potentially even be part of what has pushed him into action. The wine has been there since the beginning and the damage has already been done. Anyone who has ingested that fluid is at the whims of his brother and he has no way to stop it without stopping Zeke himself. Making Zeke believe Eren is on his side? That Eren is unquestionably working toward the same goal? That’s one way for Eren to prevent the titanization of his people. Perhaps the issue is that Eren feels the only way he can protect the island from Zeke’s whims is by playing along as believably as possible - if that makes him look like a villain, then so be it. Until he gets a chance to touch Zeke and enact his own plans, this charade must continue. 

“I’m free.” 

Eren is as much a hostage to this situation as the people who drank that wine if his wish is to save them. The only difference is that he knew about it, and that he chose to take actions against it. He is free in that he is informed and has chosen to formulate his own plan to fight back against it. He refuses to stay in that cage. This is what sets him apart from the others. They have to make their own decisions based on the information they’ve been given. 

I’m very curious about the exact conversation Eren and Yelena had more now than ever. 

Pieck asks about Zeke’s special abilities, and Eren dodges. If it wasn’t already made clear he doesn’t trust her, this was the very telling moment that proved as much. He won’t divulge Zeke’s royal blood status (although I think Pieck already suspects it) because that is not the kind of information the enemy should have. Pieck is certain that Eren knows what Zeke’s secret is. She tries to appeal to him one more time by repeating the things that Zeke said to Eren way back in chapter 83. But their conversation is interrupted when the doors are open and Pieck and Yelena see each other. 

Pieck pulls her own power move by low-key letting Yelena know she saw right through her from the very beginning. That she knew it was a game from the beginning and that she’s about to play her hand now. Yelena warns Eren not to trust Pieck, to which Eren confirms that the distrust is mutual. He knows that she doesn’t want to ally with him and was fishing for information and baiting him. He knows he’s walking right into a trap. But he goes. 

Possibly the coolest part of this entire chapter. Eren tells Pieck to point out where their enemies are, she squeezes Gabi’s hand in a silent reassurance that everything is going to be okay, turns around and points unabashedly at Eren. Eren is unamused, and then Porco makes his surprise entry to try and claim the Founding Titan from beneath Eren. 

Eren is able to evade the attack enough that he only loses his legs in the process (Eren in cutoffs when Isayama?) and transforms to fight. 

Can I just say I didn’t think the Advancing Titan would have a new appearance and I’m so damn glad that I was right? I missed Eren’s titan a lot - it’s so nice to see him again. 

Also, Eren’s abs. Wow.

Anyway, thirst mode back off. 

Marley shows up with airships and Reiner, Magath and Colt are all on board and ready to attack. This cliffhanger has me super hyped for chapter 117 and I’m really hoping for some epic battle scenes! 

Now with Eren and Pieck out of the way, let’s talk about the 104th and Yelena. 

They finally get a chance to talk about what happened between EMA four chapters ago. Jean wants to know what Eren did so he can further assess the situation. Armin admits that he is the one who threw punches first and provoked Eren, but not without letting Jean know it was only because Eren had said hurtful things to Mikasa. 

Jean, who obviously still cares a ton for Mikasa, asks what exactly did Eren say. Mikasa doesn’t want to be reminded, and asks Armin not to say it. It’s easy to see by her expression that she’s still struggling with it and probably with herself because of it. I hope that we can actually see her working through it on her own, instead of just a few words here and there....

Connie and Jean almost feel like they’re the voices the two different sides of the fandom right now: Those who have no faith in Eren and want to see him to fail, and those who are still holding out hope for him and wish to understand. 

Connie, of course, has very valid reasons for distrusting Eren right now. Eren appears to be on Zeke’s side, and Zeke cost Connie his entire family and village. Eren’s actions - actions that at face value appear to support Zeke - got Sasha, Connie’s closest friend, killed. Eren’s reaction from what Connie could see? Laughter. Connie’s feelings toward Eren are very much fueled by his negative emotions. He’s taking everything he sees at face value and assuming the worst in Eren, that he doesn’t care about them anymore, that he’s turned into irredeemable garbage. 

Jean, however, is trying to look at things objectively. He knows Eren well, knows what drives Eren to action, knows what gets under Eren’s skin, knows how much Eren values the people he loves. They may be friendly rivals but they’ve always had each other’s respect. Jean’s intuition is telling him that Eren wouldn’t have lashed out on Armin and Mikasa that way if there wasn’t a reason for it (of course, see above commentary about Eren playing Zeke to protect them). He still wants to have faith in Eren. He knows Eren isn’t the type to throw away his friends so flippantly. If Eren is truly himself, something is up.

You can see the realization on Armin and Mikasa’s faces.

Yelena shows up and interrupts their brainstorming. I won’t get into the... language that Grior used against Sasha, but I’ve never rooted for Yelena harder than when she quickly put an end to his disparaging. 

I’ve been convinced that Yelena might have her own agenda and may not actually be working with Zeke but I think I’m starting to see that she might very well be what she is at face value. She believes in Zeke’s cause, believes he’s going to transform the world and make it into a better place. If she’s not actively seeking revenge against Marley like we once thought, then it makes sense why she defended the Marleyan POWs when they were captured. Revenge against Marley was the front they put on as Zeke’s secret plan was, well, secret. 

She reveals Zeke’s euthanasia plan to the 104th and they are less than happily receptive of it initially. Jean points out the flaws in this plan, and then we learn the (presumably) real reason why Historia is pregnant (aside from prolonging Zeke’s lifespan once he got to the island) - her child will be the last line of defense for and old and dying population of Eldians when the island meets its final years. 

If her facial expression is genuine, she truly believes in the cause that she is fighting for. She sees Eren and Zeke as profound people who will go down in history as saviors or gods. She’s delighted to be a part of making this happen and I think nothing makes her happier than the prospect of seeing this goal through. 

Armin starts to break down in tears once Yelena starts referring to the Jaegerbros in this way. Is it because he’s relieved because he realizes there’s no way Eren is on board with this plan? Is he laughing because the idea that Eren would want to go down as a god who killed his own people for the sake of the world is so uncharacteristic of Eren he can’t believe anyone would buy that? (Am I just projecting on him!? lol) I think with the help of Jean’s words before Yelena interrupted them, Armin has started to think harder about the situation and has come to realize something important. 

Still, he uses his tears and spins it to his favor by telling Yelena he’s just “so moved by her words” and saying the cause she’s fighting for is such a noble thing. What a load of crap, lol.

I am often not right, and I don’t want to make any bold claims now either. But I feel like the wheels are starting to spin in a more positive direction now. If Armin’s figured something out, he’ll know what to do next. 

This brings me to the part of the chapter that stood out to me more than anything has in recent months: 

The common opinion between the Warriors and Paradisians is the wish for Eldia’s liberation. This sets up a lot of potential for future chapters if they can come to a mutual understanding.... but that’s a whole other post. Just a passing thought. 

But everything in this chapter (and perhaps everything throughout this entire series) ties together with the end of this line: “I trust the comrades who fought together with us.” 

This is what is currently setting Paradis apart from the Warriors. Eren isn’t choosing to trust in his friends - historically, passing along that trust has always gotten his friends and comrades killed or almost killed or severely injured. He doesn’t wanna risk it anymore, and is choosing to believe in his own strength - which is, in turn, creating even worse problems. The Survey Corps have chosen not to trust in Eren - Hange made that absolutely clear when they picked him up in Liberio, despite Eren being honest with them in his letter. Paradis has been a cesspool of deception for the last four years and they are falling apart because of it. The root of this deception starts with Zeke and, by extension, Yelena. 

Zeke has been culled from the Warrior faction - they will show more strengths in this moment. 

The only solution for Paradis is to learn that they have to work together and trust in one another again. Eren has his reasons for doing what he’s doing, perhaps it’s time to simply back him up without fully understanding why- 

-or perhaps it’s time for Eren to remember that greatness can only be accomplished with the many different strengths that different individuals provide- 

-or maybe it is time for everyone to make the choice to believe in the comrades that they have always trusted and relied on.

Strength comes in numbers. Cooperation and trust typically bring about the best results, even if they may not still be ideal. The only way Paradis can overcome this threat is by learning how to trust in one another again. 

There is hope. The 104th can plant the seed. 

[tallowes]

I’m working on a bio template by working on Tace’s bio and doing the personality part has been really insightful / helped me to remember some things about him that are #Canon but I sometimes forget because I’m a Fool and the reason why I juxtapose / compare him to Anders a lot mentally while I work on meta-level shit.  Tace was given to the Circle as a very young child, it’s basically all he’s ever known, as someone who’s very strong willed and stubborn he always had some trouble living in the Circle. But when his dreamer capabilities kicked in at 13 things got infinitely worst and he had to very quickly readapt and get the authorities on his side just to survive and not be made tranquil. In the span of a few short months as his powers became less sporadic and more consistent and the enchanters sorted out what was going on Tace went from being just another ( if a bit bratty ) apprentice to being considered the most dangerous person in the Circle and a threat to the safety of the other mages just by living.  He was isolated from the other mages, given private sleeping quarters with wards, etc. on them ( basically a glorified isolation cell ) and a constant guard of templars day and night. He was basically treated like a dangerous criminal or plague victim. Some of that is justified, he was a very young mage and it’s talked about in DA2 just how bad can be if something goes wrong with a dreamer. However it all set him on edge and made him shift quickly from disliking the templars and enchanters because he’s a unruly preteen to thinking of them as threats because of the harsh 180. Tace is smart, very observant and while he’s hot-blooded he doesn’t like to act or lash out, especially when it’s a serious situation where that could really hurt him. He wants to have all the facts so he can point by point tell you why you’re wrong. It became clear to him that they were watching him more intensely than they were anyone else, looking for signs of instability or possession and he knew if they felt they found something regardless if it was there he’d be made tranquil. Even at that age he found the concept nightmarish and was terrified of it being done to him. So he stopped acting out completely, or questioning things too much or really showing any outward signs of not being an exemplary circle mage as much as possible as a means of self preservation. So while Anders, his contemporary in the same Circle was becoming more rebellious Tace was becoming more docile and embedded in the community. 

When Falon’din’s Putrescence locked on to him around 14-15 and he began to not just deal with more frequent and intense demon attacks than the rest of the mages and the physical / mental / emotional toll that took on him, but also began wake up with physical bruising his life was genuinely in danger from the templars. Knowing where this would likely lead he preempted the talks of tranquility before they got too serious by essentially begging for his life,  pointing out that he had now faced about 2 years of near constant demonic assault of all kinds on a level of intensity none of the rest had at a young “untrained and unstable” age and had never had a single moment of faltering.  Thankfully since Irving and Greagoir aren’t complete monsters they agreed he had proven to have a very strong will and he would not be made tranquil but he would still live apart from the rest, go through the harrowing and have a constant guard of at least 1 templar, usually 2, assigned to him for the rest of his life. Tace agreed readily, he didn’t really have a choice and frankly he found the idea of someone around to kill him if he fucked up comforting. His main strength against demons had always been his stubbornness and loathing of being told what to do but Falon’din’s Putrescence is in a category all of it’s own and the idea of what could happen if he did finally break and give up terrified him as much as being tranquil did. Both because of the loss of Self / control and the possible carnage that could be done through him.  Over time he became a split personality with his real self curdling into something very unpleasant as he pushed down all his negative traits, thoughts, feelings etc. and basically lied almost constantly about himself. He couldn’t completely stop being his naturally stubborn independent self but he stamped it down enough to come across as an eccentric and a bit of jerk and not a dangerously rebellious and angry garbage fire of a person, which he actually is. He maintained his shit by basically only caring about himself and focusing intensely on his studies, research and duties, excelling as an academic and a researcher and gaining the rank of enchanter.  People like Anders were inherently dangerous to his survival, not because they themselves where a threat to him physically or anything but because Tace deeply felt for them and sympathized with them. Tace’s seeming inability to connect with others is both the product of his on going trauma and as part of his self-preservation. If he cares about people like Anders, who are clearly struggling, failing to thrive and being obviously miss treated and subjected to barbaric punishments for doing / thinking things he agrees with for reasons he empathizes with he will 100% mclose it and have outburst after outburst and eventually lead to his own demise. So he actively squashes his better traits like his very real and very deep compassion and instead lets himself see everyone as a threat, suspicious or just Not Important or Real like he is. Boom now he doesn’t get upset about poor Jowan, guy just was fucking loser who sucked and couldn’t cut it like he can so rip adios laddie don’t write. While he and Anders have similarities ( personalities not suited for the circle, long bouts of enforced isolation, mental illness struggles, massive sense of betrayal, strong wills, intensely emotional, regretfully care a LOT about others, “radical ideas” like basic human rights for everyone ) Tace’s situation from day one was much more precarious, since 13 he was living on the knife’s edge with opinion on him liable to change irrevocably with just one bad day and he fucking knew it. His ways of coping and working to survive were much different, he used his inherent extroversion, people skills, intelligence and sheer force of will to convince people and to blend in and appear “safe”. Basically becoming an actor putting on some kind of sick play for the amusement of overlords who held his life in their hands. While I’ve joked and talked about how much of an asshole he is and how he has little respect for others or the dead in particular the fact is that other half of his split personality rarely comes out. The era it was most apparent in was DA2 when he’d finally left the Circle, knowing that if he had stayed and let the transfer to the Gallows go thru it was a death sentence. During that time as an apostate largely on his own or with people like Hawke’s gang who really can’t complain much about bad behavior / attitude his true personality got to make an appearance. He was mean, petty, vindictive, intensely distrustful, careless with other people and honestly kind of awful to be around, but along with that he was also helpful, protective of others ( especially Anders, Merrill, Isabella and Fenris ) , considerate, thoughtful, funny and sporadically deeply compassionate. Tace without all his baggage and trauma would be a deeply compassionate, witty, good natured well regarded natural mentor friend ( if a bit of a hard ass ) but at is stands his experiences have made him manipulative, cruel, brutal, callous with the emotions / lives of others, intensely selfish and self centered, stubborn / spiteful to the point of self damaging and largely unable to connect with others on deeper levels. When in situations where his life is in danger from the opinion of groups or “superiors” like the Circle, Mage Rebellion camps or the Inquisition he comes across as a largely harmless academic with an at times strong personality. When he deems himself out of the line of sight or with people he at least trusts not to narc on him he drops some level of the pretense and it becomes increasingly clear he’s very fucked up, deeply unpleasant, needs a lot of therapy ASAP and is absolutely earth shatteringly furious and violently egalitarian. I think it says a lot about him that he has two main reasons that fuel him in his constant battle against possession and they’re that he’s so furiously individualistic and stubborn that he’d rather die and have his immortal soul shredded into non-existence than lose even 1 spec of the bodily autonomy he still has and that he knows exactly how catastrophic it would be if any demon, let alone something like Falon’din’s Putrescence got control of him, and he would rather suffer for eternity than let that kind of calamity happen, especially if he’d be the vehicle for it because despite all his callousness the idea he might be party to that level of monstrousness makes him sick. 

[kokomatcha]

Vigilante!All Might x Reader snippet

Here’s a snippet of the first chapter of my Vigilante!All Might x reader AU. Again, it’s self indulgent, but I’m not sure if I’ll be focusing on this one, or my other ones, but this is the one that kind of just started flowing so I went with it.  Again, I only have my iPad and touch keyboard, which gets very moody so sometimes it’s hard to type.  I just wanted to post a sample of my writing so people know what I offer and not get too excited so they won’t get their hopes up because I haven’t even really posted anything and have people following me/liking my posts, but I guess I’m worried about being disappointing as a writer so here’s a sample for you to decide if you like my writing or not!  Cheers!

*edit* whoops forgot a synopsis that might help!

You’re an ER nurse, quirkless, and on the verge of burnout.  

At least, you thought you were quirkless until an opportunity arises that shows you were never quirkless, it’s just that you were never in a situation that utilized your quirk.  All your childhood dreams of being a super hero with an amazing quirk were effectively dashed at a young age, but upon the horrifying truth of your quirk, you realize that it was better to let sleeping dogs lie and that being quirkless was not the worst thing in the world.

Now you’re mandatorily enlisted to support the supposed law enforcement that was meant to protect and serve civilians and the general population, but you find yourself entangled in the corruption.  You’re only hope is a chance meeting with a strange man, and the infamous villain All Might.  But is he really the villain that the media and government paints him out to be?

You repressed what would have been an obscenely large yawn, briefly raising the back of your hand to hover over your mouth, a strangled noise resulting in the back of your throat and the warmth of creeping tears welling up behind your eyelids that you blinked away before they threatened to spill over.  You let your hand drop limply back to your side as you stepped out of the emergency room into the waiting room, or what you and your coworkers most commonly referred to as ‘The Pit,’ with a clipboard clutched to your chest.

It was packed with a variety of different potential patients, all of whom jerked their gaze to you the moment you entered, you’re stethoscope hung around your neck over you’re patterned scrubs (it was the only real choice you had to show your individuality so you’re damn right they were cute) marking you like a giant target out in an empty field.  It never failed to make you feel like a piece of meat on display to a pack of wild animals.  You could practically feel them humming with anxious energy as they all individually willed you to their direction, to be the lucky ticket holder to be able to walk through those double doors and have their emergency dealt with.

‘Sorry,’ you thought dully with no real sincerity as you walked past a few people before stopping at your intended target, ‘but the lucky contestant is—‘

“Hello,” you greet with a smile plastered onto your face, stretching the corners of your mouth turning it into more of a grimace than a genuine expression of greeting.  It was a sort of instinctual mechanism you’ve developed over time in your career, all teeth and no tongue, a reminder of the harsh reality that the medical world cared less about actual medical practice and more about customer service (and money). However, you had plenty of time and situations to practice pulling off that award-winning smile of false assurance in even the most dire situations that could fool most.  

For example, it had the intended effect on the young boy with a mess of wild dark green hair and freckles dotting over his small cheeks, still rounded with residual baby fat.  His already impossibly large eyes widened as you now stood before him, a nervous smile returned in response to yours as he fidgeted with a tattered note book in his hands, something he clearly used to distract himself while waiting.  Your smile softened a small bit out of genuine concern. He was probably a preteen, barely even twelve, but admittedly you found looks and age never coincided well in your line of work.

He seemed to sense your sincerity, his smiling becoming less stiff and his shoulders relaxing as the hands in his lap were no longer ringing the poor notebook to confetti. 

Your gaze drifted over to the man at his side just in time to see him double over in a coughing fit.  Without even batting an eye you grabbed a box of tissues sitting on top a table full of outdated magazines, as well as fished out one of the unused disposable mask from your scrub pocket.   You held them out to the man as an offering, but he kept his gaze down and only glared at your proffered hand in response, opting to use a closed fist as his means of infection control.

It was clear who your patient was as the scent of copper assaulted your senses, and it was fairly obvious how your shift would play out if this would be your first patient.

Wonderful, you thought without any trace of humor as you placed the mask and box of tissue on the table and waited patiently for his coughing fit to subside.

The boy seemed to jump to his feet, hovering over the clearly emancipated form of the man hunched over in his seat.  His eyes were heavy with dark shadows, cheekbones and chin sharply defined from his sunken cheeks, his teeth bared and stained with blood as he struggled to control his coughing fit.  Your assessment was running through your head, assumptions already swimming to the surface of your mind as you surveyed him from head to toe.

Loose, ill-fitting clothing hung from his skeletal frame, decorated with an array of damage and stains from long term use.  His skin stretched thin over bony prominence in his joints, including the nape of his neck and down his spine that you managed to catch a glimpse of while he was hunched over.  He wore a long sleeved black shirt with khaki colored cargo pants, cinched together with a belt around his thin waist with a large, gaudy looking belt buckle.  His blond hair was unkempt, probably dry and fragile from poor nutritional intake, sticking up in all directions aside from two distinctive locks that flopped about his face during his coughing fit.  

Drug user?  Addict?  With his long sleeves you couldn’t tell if there was any injection sites.  Hemoptysis indicated something with the respiratory system or maybe digestive system?  Obviously lung issues were present.  Pneumonia? Cancer?  Definitely need to start IV fluids—

“—fine.”

You must have been lost in your thoughts because the man was now standing and you had to take a step back, your eyes widening as you took in his full height.  His posture was poor, but god, he still towered over you.  He was clearly well over six feet,  maybe seven?  Now that he was standing, you almost flinched at how obviously malnourished this man appeared to be.  The shirt he wore was three sizes too large and hung very loosely around his neck, giving you glimpse of his clavicles protruding sharply above his chest.

But his eyes were still what unnerved you the most. 

You realize that the sound of his voice, a deep rich baritone that you hardly expected to come out of such a fragile looking man, was what pulled you from your reverie.  He had been brushing off the young boy when he waved the tissues out to him almost frantically.

You realized you must have been staring, frozen in place from his gaze, but the moment he turned to address the boy at his side, you seemed to regain your senses, feeling a bit shaken.  You really didn’t think you’ve ever met someone with an eye color that was such a shockingly bright shade of blue.

Slightly intimidated by his height, you regained your composure as you put on your best assertive, yet friendly customer service voice.

“If you could please follow me?  I’ll guide you to your room and then we can triage you, Mr—?”

You already knew his supposed name (from the shoddily attempted paperwork that was scribbled in by the boy at his side.  You highly doubted this man would have bothered to even look at the paperwork given his current attitude) but you trailed off, giving him a chance to fill in the blanks to try and build rapport in the short amount of time you would have to assess him.  However, judging by his posture and resistance to the offer of even a small tissue, you could already tell how smoothly this interaction would go.

He scowls in response, those shockingly bright blue eyes contrasting sharply with the dark shadows overcasting his gaze, piercing you from their depths.

Right.

“Alright, Himawari-san, if you and your son would just follow me,” you motioned them towards the silver double doors.

The expression on the man’s face was absolutely priceless and you thanked the higher powers above you to help turn your day around, because this reaction alone was definitely enough to help you handle whatever would be thrown your way the rest of the day.

You really should have known better than to jinx yourself like that.

“My name’s not... He’s not—“ the man didn’t seem to know where to begin, his protests flying at the same time as the boy spoke, but a coughing fit overtook the rest of his response before he could finish.

“I-I’m not his son!” The boy supplied quickly, flustered as a dark hue spread across his cheeks, his freckles even more prominent in his embarrassment.  

You felt a little bad for teasing.  You knew this was obviously not the man’s name, and it was probably a struggle for this boy to find a suitable name to use in the interim.  In addition to the ridiculous (yet ironically, strangely fitting) name chosen, you knew this could not be the man’s son.  But it did put into question why this boy was trying so hard to help some stranger who didn’t even seem to want to give him the time of day, let alone his own name.

You’ve been surprised before, but this time your assumptions were correct and you were more than entertained by the results.  

Your patient was less than amused by the way he gruffly passed his sleeve over his mouth to wipe away the remnants of blood dripping down his chin and shot a dark look at both you and the boy, who flinched in response.  

“Alright, my apologies,” you attempted to placate the man as you directed him in the direction of the emergency room.  Surprisingly, he let you lead him by the elbow with no resistance, though a glower was still present on his face.  You heard movement from behind you and saw the young boy was getting ready to follow.  You paused before turning to the boy with an apologetic look.

“I’m sorry, but if you’re not family and he doesn’t consent to your presence, I think you’ll have to go home,” you told the boy, a twisting in your chest at the drop in his expression. “But thank you for your assistance.  You’re very kind.”

“O-oh, you... you don’t have to thank me, I just... uh,” the boy stuttered, flustered by your praise, gaze darting to his shoes as he fiddled with the straps of his backpack.  “I-I understand.  But, um... c-could you update me later?  Just... just so I know he’s okay?”

His voice sounded so hopeful and you felt your heart sink.  Due to legality, you couldn’t very well volunteer any information to anyone that wasn’t approved by the patient unless they were incoherent or had some sort of power of attorney, and even then it could be complicated.  Especially if your patient was a stubborn gentlemen who refused to even give you said basic and pertinent information.

The dour man was already at the emergency room entrance and was looking at you impatiently, ready to get this experience over with.  Quickly you grabbed the boy’s hands and offered your pen as you gestured to his notebook.

“Tell you, what, kiddo.  Write your name and number on a piece of paper and I’ll give it to Sunshine over there so he can call you and update you himself?” 

The young boy beamed at the suggestion and hurriedly scribbled down the information before ripping out the piece of paper and handing it to you excitedly before giving you and your patient an enthusiastic wave.  Turning and stumbling out of the waiting room, he waved once more from outside as the doors closed, effectively cutting him off from sight.

You carefully folded the piece of paper and placed it in your scrub pocket before turning to your patient.  If possible, his expression had darkened significantly with his hands clenched into fists at his side, most likely at the promise you had forced upon him.

“Ah, sorry.  Did you prefer to give me your real name after all?”

As expected, your only response was a glare with those unnerving, piercing blue eyes.

You tilted your head and walked over to him before pushing open the doors, gesturing with a flourish to keep the doors open for him as you smiled widely.  For once, it was genuine and this seemed to catch the man off guard, his expression relaxing from its furrowed brow to that of wary confusion.

“Himawari-san it is then!  Shall we?” You gave an exaggerated bow, attracting the attention of your coworkers and patients alike who began to giggle at the display, amused by your antics.

The scowl back in full force, your patient shoving open the doors roughly, probably hoping they would slam in your face or on one of your limbs after he passed through.  You couldn’t hold back your sigh, catching the doors so that they would swing gently closed behind you.

If looks could kill, you’d probably be dead a thousand times over.

Thank you for taking the time to read and I hope you enjoyed it!  I take a while to write tho given my situation with my iPad also I have an old man back with no desk or chair so I hunch over to write which can be tiring, haha.  

Also I decided to keep the Japanese honorifics to keep things uniform for later because I’ll probably use things like ‘-kun’ ‘-chan’ and such and it’s kind of hard to find English equivalents for them so I hope that won’t be a huge issue to some.  Also, Himawari means sunflower which is, of course, a little jab at how the Vigilante!All Might in my fic is kind of grouchy compared to use usual sunflowery authentic self, but he’ll become warmer, if I ever get around to it!

And of course sorry for grammar and spelling errors, but other than that thank you for taking the time to read!  Have a wonderful day!

[theconservativebrief]

Several stories showing racial profiling of black Americans by police and white Americans continue to go viral — in one video, a white woman calls the cops on a black man babysitting two white children in Georgia. In another, a white student calls 911 when she sees a black classmate sleeping in a dormitory common room. In this essay, a former police dispatcher remembers the racist calls she used to take every day and law enforcement’s rules that forced her to respond to every caller, regardless of the incident.

It was the end of an 18-hour shift. My butt hurt from sitting in one place with only a couple of five-minute bathroom breaks. My brain hurt from staying awake that long, and my stomach ached from all the coffee I’d drunk to keep myself alert.

But the phones rarely stopped.

“911, what’s the address of your emergency?” I said into the headset.

The man gave me his address and then said, “There’s a woman pushing a shopping cart in front of my house.”

This one stumped me. I worked in a large metropolitan area. Yes, the city where I worked was affluent, and most people used their cars to get groceries. But surely he’d seen a person using a personal grocery cart before.

“I’m sorry, I’m not getting it. What’s the problem?” I waited for more clarification as I racked my brain for the correct penal code under which this infraction might fall.

“You need to get out here now.”

“Um.” A dispatcher has to be cautious about how she phrases things. Of all the jobs in emergency services — firefighters, police officers, nurses, doctors — dispatchers are the only ones who are recorded during every single thing they do. Everything they say — and their whole job is speaking — is part of public record. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you’re reporting.”

“She’s black.”

My heart sped up as it did every day when I heard this kind of thing. This Northern California city was affluent and very white, bordering Oakland, much of which was neither. “Sir, I’m still not seeing the problem. Is she being loud? Is the noise of the cart disturbing your peace?”

His tone got harsher. “Where do you live?”

I was so startled by the question that I answered it. “Oakland,” I said.

“You wouldn’t understand, then. This isn’t Oakland. We don’t have people like her in this neighborhood. Just send someone out to get rid of her. I’m not talking to you anymore.” The click in my ear was his goodbye.

The worst thing about it? I had to send someone out. Dispatchers usually don’t get to choose which calls lead to the dispatching of emergency personnel and which don’t.

If a person wants to make a report, they get to make a report. You can think of police reports as being like lawsuits. Anyone can make one about anything, no matter how stupid. Shortly after 9/11, I had to send an officer to take a report from a citizen because she’d had a dream about a knife-wielding man from Afghanistan.

Of course, dispatchers do have a tiny bit of control. I sent our one Afghan officer to take the report from her. He was amused; she, not so much.

By now, you’ve probably heard about the white Oakland woman who called the cops because black men were using a charcoal grill at Lake Merritt. She’s been memed and mocked, and the department has been criticized for sending officers out. But it all started with a dispatcher, answering that first phone call.

According to the computer logs, which have been made public, the call came in 11:22 am. A woman reported a 40-year-old heavyset black man using a charcoal grill. The dispatcher spent less than a minute asking her for more information. He typed NFD at the end, which stands for No Further Details.

Here’s where I start guessing things, based on 17 years of dispatching in the Bay Area. I’m guessing that the dispatcher rolled his eyes at this call so hard they almost fell out of his head. Yet another white lady upset over what black people were doing. Every single day of my career, I took that call. Every single day, I wanted to slam down the phone.

Instead, the dispatcher typed NFD. That’s subtle dispatch code for “this caller was a pain in the butt and couldn’t give more information about this lame-ass complaint.” It was entered as a Priority 3 call, which essentially means “not important” — the police officers on duty at that moment had much better things to do in a city like Oakland.

Two hours passed, and police had not responded. But then someone called to report the original caller was still on scene and now fighting with the people barbecuing, which prompted an immediate dispatch. “Life before property” is the code by which emergency services run. Potential property damage reports will hold for hours, if not days, if officers are busy intervening in situations where people are in physical danger. Once it was reported that people were fighting, an officer arrived at the scene of the barbecue eight minutes later.

Am I saying police officers aren’t racist — that they question black citizens more aggressively than white citizens because responding to most complaints is obligatory? Heck no. Many are. We live in a country still mired in institutional racism, including its policing. I’m not in the business anymore, and the relationship between police departments and communities of color was one of the reasons I left to write full time.

But I am pointing out that those cops on the video didn’t look happy to be forced to take the complaint seriously. They had way better things to do that afternoon than investigate some guys cooking out in a park.

In every city in America, 911 rings around the clock. Dispatchers are usually too short-staffed to take real breaks, and they can’t shut the center for weekends and holidays. They are the ones who suck it up and keep hitting the answer button, no matter what.

My co-worker once got a call from a man who said, “My neighbors keep parking in front of my house. And they’re black.”

Dispatchers all have moments when they reach the end of their patience, and that was Bonnie’s moment.

She said, “It’s a city street. Unfortunately, anyone can legally park wherever they like. I’m sure it’s very frustrating for you. Why would you bring race into this?”

“Are you black?”

“I am,” she said.

“Put your supervisor on the phone.”

He filed a police report against her instead of his neighbors.

She went through an internal affairs investigation because, of course, any report against a member of the police department has to be investigated. She was cleared of breaking any technical rules — she had stated clearly that no laws were being broken; she hadn’t had an attitude in her voice.

But she was sternly advised to be more circumspect in the future or her job would be at stake. She told me later, “That was the moment I decided to leave the industry. Every time I answered the phone, I felt like I got punched in the face. And I had to shut up and take it.” A few years later, she became a therapist on San Quentin’s death row. She said her new job was easier than dispatching.

The phone rings again. You mime stabbing yourself in the eyeball as the next caller says that she thinks three kids outside the 7-Eleven are getting ready to rob it.

“Why do you think that?”

“They’re wearing hoodies. You never know what those kinds of kids are carrying in their pockets. Every one of them could have a gun, you know. They probably do.”

“Did you see a gun?”

“Just check.” Click.

You swallow your cold oatmeal, you roll your eyes at your cubicle mate, and you enter the call for eventual dispatch even though you wish you could pretend you never got it. (If you don’t enter the call and something happens, you could lose your job for negligence.) Then you grab the next call.

Of course people should call 911 if it’s an actual emergency. But think before you call the cops to handle your feelings about a barbecue, or where someone is parked, or if they’re playing music on a Saturday afternoon. If you get it wrong (and all of us, living in the privileged bubbles of our own creation, often get it wrong), you could be the reason someone gets hurt or even killed.

With some rudimentary math, I’ve worked out that I’ve answered at least a quarter of a million 911 calls in my career. Amid the meaningless, racially charged calls, I’ve gotten so many by concerned citizens who genuinely want to help someone who is hurt or in danger. Good typically wins over evil. But it’s awfully damn close sometimes. And we all have to pick a side.

Rachael Herron is the best–selling author of the novel The Ones Who Matter Most, named an editor’s pick by Library Journal, as well as more than 20 other novels and memoirs. She received her MFA in writing from Mills College, Oakland, and she teaches creative writing in the extension programs at both UC Berkeley and Stanford.

First Person is Vox’s home for compelling, provocative narrative essays. Do you have a story to share? Read our submission guidelines, and pitch us at firstperson@vox.com.

Original Source -> I used to be a 911 dispatcher. I had to respond to racist calls every day.

via The Conservative Brief

[crustaceans-and-fankids]

Kekarian Romance, Sex, Orientation, Marriage, etc

I wanted to write this down because I feel it’s kind of important to my species even if it is never something that is referenced in something like a fanadventure format, and I know some people are interested in stuff like this. I do want to note that none of these views of my species is a personal view of mine, it is simply a lifestyle of a fictional group of people.

I will keep this up but if any information canonically has to be altered, I will alter this post as I have to try to with the original Species introduction page.

....

Brief warning: while I discuss some of this stuff, depending on how easily you are affected, some things may upset you. The last section on adoption/abandonment and the section on sex may be the only major offenders, so please be wary before reading.

Kekara are not bound to the same orientations that we have by name. Someone of the Kekarian and Jhingan species will not see a couple and label them as straight or gay. Females of the species are capable of producing life, laying eggs, etc. Thus, a traditional male/female relationship is more common since the aspirations of reproduction are common. That is not to say it is the societal norm, or that any deviation of the norm is repulsive—it is biologically more favorable and so it is more of an occurrence.

That being said, old-world royals and some other old-world classes are accustomed to this family life and so they are more inclined to believe that a pairing that is biologically likely to produce offspring is more favorable. They are unrepulsed by deviation from that kind of relation, but they are likely to say “hey, wouldn’t you rather have a nice boy/girl to have children with?” and try to push their children and family members to a relationship that is likely to produce offspring.

It is unlikely that everyone is passive to this idea, and yes there may be situations where a pairing is highly forced. Arranged marriages are still a thing in this society, mostly amongst the Royals who have the power to genuinely enforce this with money and/or threats, and very often those are marriages we would perceive as heterosexual.

In the new-world timeline, things are changing, people have more chance to communicate with one another, and young Kekara are apt to have their own decisions to make and go against the old-world grain. Arranged marriages are not scarce, but they become less abundant over time and even the present monarch figurehead King Harit does not expect anything of his kin other than to make smart choices, so long as they are still their own. He is aware of people attempting to court their kids with his daughter, such as with Kanad’s mother introducing the pair solely with the hopes that they could be together. To this, his attitude of “make your own choice” is still solid. Offerings and kiss-ups do not change his mind. This attitude is not uncommon in the new-world timeline, but not everyone is inclined to agree. People may find Harit’s ideas repulsive or uncanny and may stick to what they are accustomed to. Some may want their kids to marry into a particular family, but that other family does not agree with the idea of forcing their grown kin into a marriage.

Marriage at a young age is not considered. Certainly there may be shady people in this society as with any society who might be disgustingly intrigued by such an idea, but it is not accepted socially to marry so young. Typically they wait until a sort of mental and physical maturity is reached before a marriage is permitted.  Previous monarchs would have made it unlawful to wed children.

That all being said, a typical Kekarian sense of love is one based over time. A genuine connection must be made between two people before they can engage in any sort of romance, sex, or marriage. Sex before marriage is not socially condemned by all in this new-world timeline, but it may be by some, especially any people who might also be supporters of arranged marriages and any who are highly supportive of old-world views. It is a huge bit of hypocrisy, because someone may say they want their children to marry a certain person of a certain class or of a certain sex even if their children do not like this person and never will, yet they condemn anyone who physically bonds with someone before they are married. Sometimes people are just assholes.

Sexuality/Bonding

For many Kekara who do aspire to marry or who aspire to engage in a relationship with another person, it is still on a bonded basis—heart, spirit and mind must intertwine before such a thing is possible. Someone who they can openly talk to, consider their closest friend, someone who understands their needs and wants. It is not totally unlike our concept of love. A trust has to be developed over time for most Kekara—it is very unusual for someone to be able to throw themselves into a relationship all of a sudden, and people who do are usually perceived as people who are not genuinely in love.

Many may assume it’s because you are a prostitute, or a leech out for money and belongings, but in some cases some Kekara may not feel romantic love or may not be capable of forming such a deep relationship with people. Their capacity to trust may have been damaged, or their sense of romantic love is simply nonexistent. They may enter many relationships because they are unsure whether this is true of themselves, or because they care enough about a person that they at least want to try for them even if they themselves are not interested in a relationship. Some may even be afraid of being looked down upon for not engaging in a relationship, so they do it for status. They are capable of maintaining decent friendships, or in some cases maybe they are not, but regardless these people may not be interested in deep romantic relationships, sex, or marriage,  or may even be repulsed by these things. It may be what we see as remnants of asexuality or aromanticism, and it is very jarring for those who are accustomed to a traditional sense of love/sex/marriage to see people who simply do not care for it. Some may even be repulsed by it, and maybe some might be highly judgmental and assume that just because a Kekarian person has no interest in a physical or soulfully intimate relationship, that they are simply selfish or want something from that person but don’t want to “commit to what it takes to get it”. A stigma against these people exists because prostitution and selfish leeching is also a thing that exists, so those who are unused to seeing these people just lump them all together without considering that people like this are simply just around but mean no ill will. There is not always some tragic backstory or selfish desire that drives people who don’t care for relationships or intimacy as some Kekara unfamiliar with this may assume—they sometimes just realize they do not care for it. Again, not all Kekara are repulsed or confused by this. There are simply just some that do, and typically they are very fond of old-world practices.

As far as same-sex romance or even stuff we’d call pansexuality or bisexuality is concerned, this is a thing that exists. As mentioned previously, though a biologically productive relationship in which offspring is produced is more favored, it is not as though there are no such things as men and women marrying with or entering relationships with the same biological sex or adopted gender. In our new-world timeline, this is much more commonplace than in old-world timelines where people favored a m-f relationship. Female Kekara get together with each other, Male Kekara get together with each other, maybe they engage in relationships with all or multiple genders, etc. Marriage amongst these people is not forbidden, although it becomes difficult in the event that a couple desires a child because they do not have the same technology we do in our society to initiate a surrogate pregnancy. If a child is desired by a couple who cannot genuinely produce one, adoption is possible, but some Kekara may even go as far as to bring in another person to assist with their needs.

Polyamory is also possible, although this is when it becomes a bit unruly for some Kekara much in the same way as those who do not have a sexual or romantic interest in people are. Much of this stigma stems from it being perceived as “complicated” or “selfish”, but again, there are many Kekara who have also supported the relationships of those who genuinely love one another and find something like a relationship amongst multiple people to be okay. It is less common for polyamorous relationships to be seen in classes closer to or in the palace due to the control some adults try to have over their children’s relations, but it does exist.

Courting, Wedding

If a person wants to court someone, typically it will involve dance. It is very commonplace for a couple to share a dance together before they are either bonded in a relationship sense or in marriage. A wedded couple will typically share a dance together at their “wedding” ceremony. A couple may have their own dance that is unique to them, and likewise an individual may have their own dance that is unique to them that they share with whomever they intend to court. There is a difference between the dance of an individual and a dance between lovers. Some times each individual’s courtship dance may be blended into a routine at a ceremony to sort of symbolize an intertwining of spirits, but again this Is usually during marriage (that is not to say it cannot be done for fun, though. Nahua and Kanad did this once to make fun of the expectancy of their relationship by Kanad’s mother but the both knew they weren’t really having a genuine romantic dance).

However, because dancing is seen as more of a spiritual connection to their “religious” figureheads, and not everyone is religious, not everyone adheres to a dance to court or uses dancing in any relationship sense. This can of course cause a religious divide in people, but that is not the focus of this post.

Some people are accepting of a refusal to dance, others think it is necessary. All Royals are raised with dance and song in their education and as a part of their ceremonies and parties, so hardly any Royal will not adhere to this practice. Not all Kekara are inherently good at dancing, but some people find the goofiness of a bad dancer kind of charming and silly. Others might find it embarrassing that someone might not know how to dance, however. Spoiled Royals and Upper Commoners are more prone to a negative outlook on bad dancers, but again, this is not always the case and not all Royals are inherent jerks.

A Kekarian wedding is only ever lavish for the upper-commoner Kekara and Royals who can afford them—fancy garbs, expensive jewelry or makeup, gifts, novelty displays, grand halls. They will usually host weddings in the temple if spiritually driven, or in a Royal palace hall designated for weddings and wedding parties. Any elite Royal ceremonies will always be held by the throne, such as marriages amongst monarchs or friends of monarchs. White, gold, and silver will be prominent at all weddings as they are royal-associated colors. The bride actually wears a shade of or very close to Royal or Navy blue given it is the color of their blood and it is symbolic to them of bond and blood-ties and whatnot. Dresses are either long and flowy or short and show leg depending on the time period. Newer wedding dresses and other garments have acquired a sleeker more modern design in comparison to any traditional garb that involved hoods, veils, puffed and broad sleeves. Black has been incorporated into wedding garb in newer time periods as a result of Royals adopting the color as their own. There is no real limit to these outfits otherwise and every wedding is inherently different [Non royals/Upper-Commoners often cannot afford weddings or clothing for weddings and have to settle for very simple garbs or small gatherings of close friends and family]. Marriage is not regulated by mandate or by any bureaucratic system, so a wedding does not even have to occur. A couple can literally just decide “we are married” and present each other with gifts, vows, or dances.

Vows are exchanged at ceremonies, although there are no wedding rings. Jewelry may be presented to the spouse[if it is between nonroyals it is usually cheaper jewelry unless someone managed to get their hands on gold or silver], but this is optional. A song may also be sung to the spouse instead of them being given a physical gift. If it a spiritual/religious ceremony the couple will perform a routine together in addition to their vows.

 Sex, Prostitution

[Skip if you don’t care for or are repulsed by sex stuff, please]

Okay, I guess it’s time for me to get into the nitty gritty of sex and sexual relationships in Kekarian society! Usually Kekara don’t have sex for pleasure when they are very genuinely romantically bonded with someone, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. After all, people hire prostitutes, and even in the old-world they had slaves. So, yes, Kekara can get horny. Maybe people fool around in the relationships they do engage in, and no, relationships don’t always last forever. It is more accepted to have sex with people you genuinely romantically love, whether or not you are actually going to marry. As said previously, sex before marriage is less looked down upon now but still can be unusual and unappealing for some. It’s sex outside of a bond of any kind that is pretty off-putting for many, and it can get you lumped in with the naughty prostitutes even if you’re just pretty sexually active but romantically inactive and crave the stuff. This can also get pretty fucked up when a person is made to feel worthless and they turn to a sexually active lifestyle not because they are incapable of romantic love or don’t like romantic love, but because they want to feel wanted or have some sort of gratification. Why is this?

Kekarian sex is not like human sex. It isn’t them pumping wildly into each other for kicks if it’s a genuine sexual relationship based on love and trust. In a bonded relationship, sex is often the pair being intimate with one another. They enter each other and will stay held together for quite a while. Words and embraces are typically exchanged, and if they are biologically compatible, fertilization can happen and pregnancy will begin a while after the act has been done. If a pair is biologically incompatible, they may still embrace and touch each other to one another.

In relationships that are not romantic, or are purely sexual or for sexual gratification, it is typically then that sexual acts start to mirror human sex. There is less intimacy and more movement. Pace is quickened, the act takes far less time, and alternating positions are more common. It is less a bond of sexual love and more of pleasure. Some people who do have a genuine romantic relationship and depth of love may try this—there are always exceptions. But it is more common for them to embrace than it is for them to move their bodies around. It is very unusual to discuss sexual bonding in a manner that discusses positions and sexual acts rather than intimate embracing, unless you are a very specific type of person or are perceived as having “no shame”. Prostitutes and debauchery-engaging socialites often brag about this sort of thing and like to consider their approaches to sex individual and new. It is as taboo as certain fetishes and acts are to us.

As far as prostitution, it is abundant in the city but is not something that is above Royality. Royals are often known to sneak into the city to have a fling with someone, or may even illegally keep a slave in their home to have relations with—usually someone who willingly goes with them because living lavishly but under someone’s thumb is much better than living on streets and making scrap. Prostitution and slavery in the palace with Royals was more commonplace in old-world times, but in the current timeline it is not acceptable. Again, people still may like to be sneaky and do things against their Queen/King’s  wishes.

People may even go to Jhingan territory to engage in sexual acts with the Jhinga, and sadly there is less regulation there because that territory is mostly seen as a place for food to be farmed and nothing more. Although Jhingan people are no longer slaves, they are still not wholly treated well. That is all I will say on this.

Romantic Labels/Systems

As far as a system of romance or a label for their orientations or relationships, there is not really any. Nothing like “straight, gay, bisexual” and their vast spectrums, or even anything like Trollian quadrants. They do not call a type of attraction to someone anything by name, but do refer to the bond between people. The only type of relationship they single out is a M-f relationship that they refer to as a “commonplace bond” since they are accustomed to seeing it, regardless of whether they themselves think it’s a norm.

A genuine romantic relationship with someone, they call a “Spiritual bond” or something along those lines. Depending on the context of the conversation this may mean a genuine loving relationship, or a sexual relationship. They are not stupid enough to confuse the two and won’t get flustered if someone mentions a “spiritual bond” when they know it is referring to one or the other. [The concept of sex to someone young may fluster them a bit, but that is entirely separate from being childishly flustered at a miscommunication that isn’t even there. An example of this would be someone making a joke about trolls being embarrassed at the sight of a bucket when that seems kind of unnecessary and probably wouldn’t happen, or at least hardly. Likewise, a Kekara would know you mean a relationship when you say “Soul/spiritual bond” and even if you mean it in a sexual connotation, they aren’t going to be childish about it unless their personality is genuinely childish.]

If someone is a prostitute or has absolutely zero sense of romantic love, it is considered  a “spiritless” bond. This unfortunately also has multiple meanings that again, they are mostly smart enough to differentiate.  A hurtful person may bitterly call it a “spiritless” bond and basically mean “this person is disgusting and has no soul and is immoral”, but a person who uses this term can also simply be saying “this person is not interested in romantic intimacy and this pair’s spirits/souls are not romantically intertwined”. A more light term would be a “platonic bond”, though “spiritless” is more common.

They will refer often to dance, spirit, or intertwining when they discuss stuff like this. They will say the term “love” as well, but that can mean many many things and they don’t associate the term love purely with a romantic or intimate relationship—it can also be applied to close friendships. An “asexual” Kekara may say they love someone but it does not mean what we would assume it does. It simply means they genuinely care about a person and maybe even trust them, not that they want to engage in a romantic relationship.

There is not a name for things like close friendships or heated, hateful rivalries. It is simply a face-value title. Friendship is friendship, hatred or rivalry is hatred or rivalry. Only the bond between two people in a sexual or romantic sense is what has a title.

 Adoption, Abandoned Children

Adoption is tricky because orphanages are not in abundancy here, in fact they are scarce and not mandated by any institution and usually run by people who want to better secure a future for homeless Kekarian young. People have abandoned their children before and some give them to other families (such as with Cecil leaving his daughter, Delilah’s mother, to another family) but others may outright dump a child somewhere and leave them. A Kekarian child is not so simple as to sit there and cry all the time (though some do) and some children may wander until they find someone who wants them or a place that is willing to house them until someone decides to take them [akin to an orphanage, but not outright called an orphanage], or they may try to build a life of their own. An abandoned child may enter an abandoned house or hidden space and claim it, or they may go out of their way to try to build their own. This is much more commonplace within the city—royals who do not want their children will often dump them at the temple, as the temple will never turn them away. Many city classes will do this as well, but there are genuinely going to be people who do not care and will leave their child in the city. There are also plenty of Kekara who go to give birth without wanting their child or children, and never return to claim them from the mercury sea when they’ve grown into toddlers. A child may die in the sea, or wander around until something happens to them, such as another malicious person hurting them or harm from any animals in the area. They are not stupid, but they are fragile.

Children may also be picked up by people wishing to raise them to make them money, so sometimes people even roam the coast or the city in search of any abandoned children they can “foster”.

Children who grow in the temple are not bound to the temple—many find they are not cut out for such a lifestyle as they grow older and opt to leave, which is something Sages and other temple residents do not look down upon. They also welcome those who leave back with open arms in the case they decide to come back. Though there are absolutely some bad people who manage to get into the temple, some selfish, some crude and stubborn in certain ideas, a majority of those who live there are very kind and understanding, forgiving and loving.

This situation is very different for Jhingan children—if they are abandoned they cannot simply go across the sea to the temple or in the city. They often are left to fend for themselves and have a sense of individuality. They are smaller and perceived as weaker, but they are highly perseverant and strong-willed people who are capable of living on their own from even very young ages. Some children lose their parents at young ages or are simply abandoned at sea, so they are more evolved than those in the city to be more independent and it is more likely they can build their own shelter and live off the land better than anyone else. Despite the social perception of Jhinga to be weak and simple given that they are shorter and frailer, they are anything but.

Children in Kekarian society are not expected to have to do everything on their own, but in the case that they are left to their own devices they have absolutely no choice, and given the danger of animal maulings (and Mutant maulings in the new-world timeline where mutants drop down from the exterior), acid rain leaking from the “sky”, and dangerous people in the city, they have to be pretty tough and handle things on their own. They have common sense and an ingrained sense of survival, but they are still curious creatures and sometimes things go wrong.

-----------------------

There’s that then. If you have any questions or additional things to help me consider, please feel free to shoot me an ask!

[faithfulnews]

Immunizing Your Marriage During COVID-19

Located between two coronavirus “hotspots,”[1] watching the economy shut down, and worrying about our high-risk loved ones, our anxieties simmer and sometimes get the best of us. Will our income be cut? Will our home suffer more damage as we await critical repairs that have now been postponed? Will our children fall behind academically as we unskillfully try to educate each on different learning platforms? You know the story because you’re living your own version of COVID-19. Add your worries to this list. We all feel it: this is too much Lord.

Our marriages are strained. We try to team up and endure difficulty with grace and patience. Maybe we do well for a day or two. But, if you’re like us, your usual pattern of relating to each other under stress reappears. The temptation is either to turn on each other or to turn inward in preoccupation during these times. Some of us maximize the threat while others minimize it. But each of us consistently use one approach over the other. It’s so normal for two spouses to deal differently with stress, chaos, and uncertainty. Under duress, one becomes controlling, louder, and angry while the other quickly grows withdrawn, silent, and irritable. One is hot anger. The other is cold anger. Neither is good. There’s no need to evaluate as to which is better or worse, but of course we do.

What’s worse is that we start keeping a mental accounting of which of us is more impacted. If your children are at home, you can compare who gets more uninterrupted time to do the tasks required or who is parenting better or more. If it is just the two of you, you can easily compare who is working more around the house or you might dwell on simple annoyances that are more easily overlooked with some healthy separation. Resentment can build.

But the truth is, God has given you this person for just this moment in time. Your spouse is not the enemy (Eph. 6:12), but someone who, just like you, is weak, suffering, and prone to struggle under this stress. Moreover, your spouse is your co-laborer in a historical moment that can, if left unchecked, weigh your marriage down with anxiety, depression, anger, and growing resentment. What can you do not to flounder in the fog and friction of this “war”? How can we actually strengthen our marriages during this pandemic?

Here are six things we are finding helpful.

Value faithfulness above productivity

We are living in a historical moment that we will likely not see again in our lifetime. It is good to remember we are not in normal routines. In our home, we are trying to continue working while also homeschooling our stir-crazy children who think they’re on holiday, and now have access to technology throughout the “school day” (which means constant temptation to venture from spelling to YouTube or any number of apps). We are holding important virtual meetings from our bedrooms and trying to schedule them when someone is not practicing the piano. Yes, it is good to try to keep life as normal as possible, to prioritize order and a clean organized home, but things are not normal right now and we need to make allowances for that. Our daily task list will look different each day and we must adjust our standards for productivity accordingly.

Our daily temptation is to measure the success of our days by what we accomplish. But, this time of life should remind us that bearing fruit is not the same as getting things done. The fruit we seek is the fruit of being faithful with what God has given us today. Galatians 5:22 is clear on that, “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” When we call this to mind, we are less tempted to withhold grace by judging our own or our spouse’s productivity. 

Entrust yourself to the true Protector.

While we wait for a declining curve of coronavirus cases, we can be tempted toward trusting in false gods and not even know it. If we wash our hands, don the right mask, get the right anti-viral drug, stand six feet away, or receive enough money from the government, we will be OK. These are all increasingly prudent things to do, but good things make bad gods. Our hope is not in these things; our help is in the God who rules every molecule of our universe. It is good to remind ourselves that he sustains the sparrow (Matt. 10:29–31), he commands the wind and waves (Mark 4:39), and he is Lord over every detail of the created order (Job 38-39). Your Father has you and your family’s life square in the palm of his hand. This day’s hope is not in protecting you and your loved ones from the coronavirus or economic harm. This day’s hope is in the true Protector. With security rightly placed in him, we can relate better to one another.

Walk in love on a path to prayer

Countless blogs and books have been written encouraging husbands and wives to pray daily together. Almost all describe how prayer works to foster intimacy as a couple draws near to God and one another. Prayer is a significant way to grow a stronger, more unified and intimate marriage. But when Peter writes about prayer, he actually moves in the opposite direction than we typically think (1 Peter 3:7, 12, & 4:7). He does not focus on the emotional and relational benefits of praying together. Prayer is not primarily a means of relational intimacy. Peter says it’s the couple’s relationship that helps their prayers. How a couple relates to each other makes their prayers either effective or ineffective, powerful or hindered, free-flowing or clogged. And it also impacts how God hears and responds to them. He has a special openness to our prayers when we are treating each other with understanding and honor. He is particularly vigilant and attentive to us as we genuinely seek peace and one another’s well-being.

So, in these times of quarantine and restriction, pray! But do so with a heart attitude that prioritizes the ability to pray with hopeful expectancy that your prayers will rise unhindered to God’s ears.

Clothe yourself with humility

Living in a bunker together with an invisible enemy surrounding you may have drawn out depths of your hearts you did not see coming. We’re living in (too) close proximity with those we love but without the daily graces of routine, healthy separation, and maximum productivity. Most of us do not operate optimally when we are anxious and feeling threatened. Sin is very real and we will see it! Like the man who wears a shirt and tie to his Zoom meeting but below the camera shot sits in red running shorts, we can put on a good show for those “out there,” while our spouse and children have a clear view of the selfishness and conceit in our hearts. Yes, this is discouraging as we aim to bear fruit.

But rather than despair or resort to the well-worn patterns of relating to each other under duress, use this time to practice humility and repentance. In God’s economy, these are some of the most powerful moments of intimacy in marriage. Like reviewing an algebra problem that went awry after making an error as you tried to solve the equation, go back, locate, and fix the mistake you made with your spouse before trying to move forward. Be very suspicious of your heart, erring on the side of not trusting your motives and calculation of wrongs done to you. Let no offense fester before you go to your Father and ask for conviction on how you started, responded to, or escalated the strife. Then quickly repent, go, and repair with your spouse.

Prioritize encouragement

Our words are powerful in the lives of those around us. They can build up or tear down, bring healing to an offense or escalate a fight. What a privilege it is to wield such tools to buoy a discouraged or fearful spouse. In the last two years, we have faced the hardest years of our life together. Many nights we have found ourselves recounting the events of the day and turning to each other for comfort, faith, and affirmation. By God’s grace, we are not often both defeated on the same night. So it seems to work out that we take turns reminding each other of God’s sovereignty, faithfulness, steadiness, and goodness. We have read the Psalms to each other as we fall asleep, or placed our phone on the pillow between us to softly play a favorite worship song that reorients our heart to the Father who loves us. We have gently spoken truths against the accusations, fears, and doubts that attack (especially at bedtime) so the other can drift into slumber.

During this pandemic, do not underestimate the importance of reminding your spouse of what is true, worthy of praise, and commendable—especially as the day wanes. Read Scripture; sing songs; pray with and for one another; speak encouragement. 

You are a team with a common opponent

The anxieties and exhaustions of this season tempt us to turn on each other. Just last night, we had words over a parenting issue, phrasing our discussion as if the problem was the other’s fault. Perhaps there are things our spouse needs to see and change, but treating our spouse as the enemy attacks your teammate, not your opponent. As we battle out COVID-19 and its effects on our family, we need to strategize how we can confront this problem together. One thing our family does often is call a family time-out. We stop normal activities and call everyone together to get a game plan on how to tackle a situation as “Team Sironi.” Far too often we have gone beyond the point of “this isn’t working,” and it never ends well.

Why not do this with your spouse too—a routine reorientation on how things are going and what needs adjustment. How can we share the added load of educating our children? How can we jointly enforce house rules needed to make things operate more smoothly? What are the besetting weaknesses and sins in each of our hearts that we can watch out for and preempt? What tempts us to turn inward in an unhelpful way when our relationship faces heat?

All told, COVID-19 is challenging all of us in one way or another. Some of us are deeply enjoying this extra time together. For others, the wheels are coming off. But let’s be candid—being confined at home will bring out the lifelong differences and incompatibilities within your marriage. The virus has not caused these things but intensified them. This is not likely the time to try and change your spouse’s habits or to resolve the differences between you. Recognize that these differences will heighten in this season and give each other grace. Don’t make big marital decisions but take Leo Tolstoy’s advice to heart: “What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility.”

Will you join with us as we try to use this time of quarantine to fortify our marriage? It is hard to see now, but when the COVID-19 crisis has waned, we will look back and see how God used this time for our good and his glory.

[1] New York and Philadelphia.

The post Immunizing Your Marriage During COVID-19 appeared first on Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation.

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[insession-io]

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Tips for Spotting and Coping with a Narcissist

Are you in a frustrating relationship with someone who expects constant attention and admiration, but doesn’t seem able to take your needs and feelings into consideration? Someone who thinks they’re better than everyone else and should be treated accordingly? Who dishes out insults and condescension, but flies off the handle at the slightest disagreement or whiff of criticism? If so, you may be dealing with a narcissist. Learn what you need to know about narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) so you can spot the narcissists in your life, protect yourself from their power plays, and establish healthier boundaries.

What is narcissistic personality disorder?

The word narcissism gets tossed around a lot in our selfie-obsessed, celebrity-driven culture, often to describe someone who seems excessively vain or full of themselves. But in psychological terms, narcissism doesn’t mean self-love—at least not of a genuine sort. It’s more accurate to say that people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) are in love with an idealized, grandiose image of themselves. And they’re in love with this inflated self-image precisely because it allows them to avoid deep feelings of insecurity. But propping up their delusions of grandeur takes a lot of work—and that’s where the dysfunctional attitudes and behaviors come in.

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) involves a pattern of self-centered, arrogant thinking and behavior, a lack of empathy and consideration for other people, and an excessive need for admiration. Others often describe people with NPD as cocky, manipulative, selfish, patronizing, and demanding. This way of thinking and behaving surfaces in every area of the narcissist’s life: from work and friendships to family and love relationships.

People with narcissistic personality disorder are extremely resistant to changing their behavior, even when it’s causing them problems. Their tendency is to turn the blame on to others. What’s more, they are extremely sensitive and react badly to even the slightest criticisms, disagreements, or perceived slights, which they view as personal attacks. For the people in the narcissist’s life, it’s often easier just to go along with their demands to avoid the coldness and rages.

Signs and symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder

Grandiose sense of self-importance

Grandiosity is the defining characteristic of narcissism. More than just arrogance or vanity, grandiosity is an unrealistic sense of superiority. Narcissists believe they are unique or “special” and can only be understood by other special people. What’s more, they are too good for anything average or ordinary. They only want to associate and be associated with other high-status people, places, and things.

Narcissists also believe that they’re better than everyone else and expect recognition as such—even when they’ve done nothing to earn it. They will often exaggerate or outright lie about their achievements and talents. And when they talk about work or relationships, all you’ll hear is how much they contribute, how great they are, and how lucky the people in their lives are to have them. They are the undisputed star and everyone else is at best a bit player.

Lives in a fantasy world that supports their delusions of grandeur Since reality doesn’t support their grandiose view of themselves, narcissists live in a fantasy world propped up by distortion, self-deception, and magical thinking. They spin self-glorifying fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, attractiveness, and ideal love that make them feel special and in control. These fantasies protect them from feelings of inner emptiness and shame, so facts and opinions that contradict them are ignored or rationalized away. Anything that threatens to burst the fantasy bubble is met with extreme defensiveness and even rage, so those around the narcissist learn to tread carefully around their denial of reality.

Needs constant praise and admiration

A narcissist’s sense of superiority is like a balloon that gradually loses air without a steady stream of applause and recognition to keep it inflated. The occasional compliment is not enough. Narcissists need constant food for their ego, so they surround themselves with people who are willing to cater to their obsessive craving for affirmation. These relationships are very one-sided. It’s all about what the admirer can do for the narcissist, never the other way around. And if there is ever an interruption or diminishment in the admirer’s attention and praise, the narcissist treats it as a betrayal.

Sense of entitlement

Because they consider themselves special, narcissists expect favorable treatment as their due. They truly believe that whatever they want, they should get. They also expect the people around them to automatically comply with their every wish and whim. That is their only value. If you don’t anticipate and meet their every need, then you’re useless. And if you have the nerve to defy their will or “selfishly” ask for something in return, prepare yourself for aggression, outrage, or the cold shoulder.

Exploits others without guilt or shame

Narcissists never develop the ability to identify with the feelings of others—to put themselves in other people’s shoes. In other words, they lack empathy. In many ways, they view the people in their lives as objects—there to serve their needs. As a consequence, they don’t think twice about taking advantage of others to achieve their own ends. Sometimes this interpersonal exploitation is malicious, but often it is simply oblivious. Narcissists simply don’t think about how their behavior affects others. And if you point it out, they still won’t truly get it. The only thing they understand is their own needs.

Frequently demeans, intimidates, bullies, or belittles others

Narcissists feel threatened whenever they encounter someone who appears to have something they lack—especially those who are confident and popular. They’re also threatened by people who don’t kowtow to them or who challenge them in any way. Their defense mechanism is contempt. The only way to neutralize the threat and prop up their own sagging ego is to put those people down. They may do it in a patronizing or dismissive way as if to demonstrate how little the other person means to them. Or they may go on the attack with insults, name-calling, bullying, and threats to force the other person back into line.

Don’t fall for the fantasy

Narcissists can be very magnetic and charming. They are very good at creating a fantastical, flattering self-image that draw us in. We’re attracted to their apparent confidence and lofty dreams—and the shakier our own self-esteem, the more seductive the allure. It’s easy to get caught up in their web, thinking that they will fulfill our longing to feel more important, more alive. But it’s just a fantasy, and a costly one at that.

Your needs won’t be fulfilled (or even recognized). It’s important to remember that narcissists aren’t looking for partners; they’re looking for obedient admirers. Your sole value to the narcissist is as someone who can tell them how great they are to prop up their insatiable ego. Your desires and feelings don’t count.

Look at the way the narcissist treats others. If the narcissist lies, manipulates, hurts, and disrespects others, he or she will eventually treat you the same way. Don’t fall for the fantasy that you’re different and will be spared.

Take off the rose-colored glasses. It’s important to see the narcissist in your life for who they really are, not who you want them to be. Stop making excuses for bad behavior or minimizing the hurt it’s causing you. Denial will not make it go away. The reality is that narcissists are very resistant to change, so the true question you must ask yourself is whether you can live like this indefinitely.

Focus on your own dreams. Instead of losing yourself in the narcissist’s delusions, focus on the things you want for yourself. What do you want to change in your life? What gifts would you like to develop? What fantasies do you need to give up in order to create a more fulfilling reality?

Set healthy boundaries

Healthy relationships are based on mutual respect and caring. But narcissists aren’t capable of true reciprocity in their relationships. It isn’t just that they’re not willing; they truly aren’t able. They don’t see you. They don’t hear you. They don’t recognize you as someone who exists outside of their own needs. Because of this, narcissists regularly violate the boundaries of others. What’s more, they do so with an absolute sense of entitlement.

Narcissists think nothing of going through or borrowing your possessions without asking, snooping through your mail and personal correspondence, eavesdropping on conversations, barging in without an invitation, stealing your ideas, and giving you unwanted opinions and advice. They may even tell you what to think and feel. It’s important to recognize these violations for what they are, so you can begin to create healthier boundaries where your needs are respected.

Make a plan. If you have a long-standing pattern of letting others violate your boundaries, it’s not easy to take back control. Set yourself up for success by carefully considering your goals and the potential obstacles. What are the most important changes you hope to achieve? Is there anything you’ve tried in the past with the narcissist that worked? Anything that hasn’t? What is the balance of power between you and how will that impact your plan? How will you enforce your new boundaries? Answering these questions will help you evaluate your options and develop a realistic plan.

Consider a gentle approach. If preserving your relationship with the narcissist is important to you, you will have to tread softly. By pointing out their hurtful or dysfunctional behavior, you are damaging their self-image of perfection. Try to deliver your message calmly, respectfully, and as gently as possible. Focus on how their behavior makes you feel, rather than on their motivations and intentions. If they respond with anger and defensiveness, try to remain calm. Walk away if need be and revisit the conversation later.

Don’t set a boundary unless you’re willing to keep it. You can count on the narcissist to rebel against new boundaries and test your limits, so be prepared. Follow up with any consequences specified. If you back down, you’re sending the message that you don’t need to be taken seriously.

Be prepared for other changes in the relationship. The narcissist will feel threatened and upset by your attempts to take control of your life. They are used to calling the shots. To compensate, they may step up their demands in other aspects of the relationship, distance themselves to punish you, or attempt to manipulate or charm you into giving up the new boundaries. It’s up to you to stand firm.

Don’t take things personally

To protect themselves from feelings of inferiority and shame, narcissists must always deny their shortcomings, cruelties, and mistakes. Often, they will do so by projecting their own faults on to others. It’s very upsetting to get blamed for something that’s not your fault or be characterized with negative traits you don’t possess. But as difficult as it may be, try not to take it personally. It really isn’t about you.

Don’t buy into the narcissist’s version of who you are. Narcissists don’t live in reality, and that includes their views of other people. Don’t let their shame and blame game undermine your self-esteem. Refuse to accept undeserved responsibility, blame, or criticism. That negativity is the narcissist’s to keep.

Don’t argue with a narcissist. When attacked, the natural instinct is to defend yourself and prove the narcissist wrong. But no matter how rational you are or how sound your argument, he or she is unlikely to hear you. And arguing the point may escalate the situation in a very unpleasant way. Don’t waste your breath. Simply tell the narcissist you disagree with their assessment, then move on.

Know yourself. The best defense against the insults and projections of the narcissist is a strong sense of self. When you know your own strengths and weaknesses, it’s easier to reject any unfair criticisms leveled against you.

Let go of the need for approval. It’s important to detach from the narcissist’s opinion and any desire to please or appease them at the expense of yourself. You need to be okay with knowing the truth about yourself, even if the narcissist sees the situation differently.

Look for support and purpose elsewhere

f you’re going to stay in a relationship with a narcissist, be honest with yourself about what you can—and can’t—expect. A narcissist isn’t going to change into someone who truly values you, so you’ll need to look elsewhere for emotional support and personal fulfillment.

Learn what healthy relationships look and feel like. If you come from a narcissistic family, you may not have a very good sense of what a healthy give-and-take relationship is. The narcissistic pattern of dysfunction may feel comfortable to you. Just remind yourself that as familiar as it feels, it also makes you feel bad. In a reciprocal relationship, you will feel respected, listened to, and free to be yourself.

Spend time with people who give you an honest reflection of who you are. In order to maintain perspective and avoid buying into the narcissist’s distortions, it’s important to spend time with people who know you as you really are and validate your thoughts and feelings.

Make new friendships, if necessary, outside the narcissist’s orbit. Some narcissists isolate the people in their lives in order to better control them. If this is your situation, you’ll need to invest time into rebuilding lapsed friendships or cultivating new relationships.

Look for meaning and purpose in work, volunteering, and hobbies. Instead of looking to the narcissist to make you feel good about yourself, pursue meaningful activities that make use of your talents and allow you to contribute.

By Melinda Smith, M.A

Dr. Jeffrey Levine - Counseling Hartford - is a Licensed Psychologist with over 40 years of clinical experience. He specializes in treating adults in individual psychotherapy, with expertise in trauma focused hypnosis, energy transformational healing and Internal Family Systems. Therapist serving Hartford - Mansfield - Glastonbury.

[ethicsessayprisons]

Today my mum called a family meeting. My parents expressed their annoyance at my brothers lack of productivity in their days eg. uni work and exercise, reprimanded them for not helping with chores and disengagement with family activities. Said that if they want to continue living in this house they had to shape up. This stern warning was intended as disciple but I would argue it was completely counterproductive. To cite their expressions of resistance: ‘but that's just how you want me to live my life, maybe I don't care about exercise’. He had a point- my parents were projecting their ideals of what a good life entails and in their eyes the boys weren't achieving this. Their reactions were very different: while one became angry and defensive, the other more cunningly managed the pacify my mum with ‘yep yep I will’ until he had convinced them of his intention to change and engage with this better way of living although I think everyone knew this was absolutely not the case. My dad ‘things are going to change around here I can tell you that’. In my head I'm thinking ‘absolutely nothing is going to change around here’. The younger of the two left the conversation looking visibly upse. He is being told that he has to change his sub-average unproductive behaviour although in his eyes he had done nothing wrong. Defensive and upset that he had no say there is now even more of a divide in the family than before. It only brewed resentment and hostility towards the household system my parents were enforcing. I'm not saying my parents were wrong to criticise the boys habits but the way it was done was incredibly damaging I would argue. I left the conversation feeling uncomfortable and divided as to where the wrong and rights of the situation lay but despite this couldn't identify a better solution. The telling off was riddled with contradictions- ‘we are a household of adults now’ yet we weren't being treated that way with their belittling accusations. My dad used fear tactics like ‘ you don't have a home here if you cant live by the house values’ which I would say is an unethical way to disciple since it exploiting the human instinct for safety and shelter. ‘but I want you to want to aswell’. Demonstrating that they want it to be a choice but their mechanisms for doing so mean that it becomes removed from choice. They aren't doing that good thing out of choice therefore how successful will any change be. So yeah they might go swimming with my dad as a token gesture of the ‘I'm ‘trying’ but how much is that going ot affect in the borader spectrum of change. Its surface level change. Real change is when the participant chooses to change- when they want change then it feels genuine but when its chosen for other means than for change itself it feel ingenuine and can argue its not change at all. Its just playing along. 

I think this can become a site for observing how power roles are perpetuated and maintained to practise disciple. Whats an effective/ethical way of correcting behaviour? Using the household as a sit of correctional intervention to learn about power dynamics of reform in prisons. 

if I'm treating my household system as a metaphor for the penal system I need to identify what represents what and which roles we are performing. I would characterise myself as a non-member of the institution yet demonstrating the ideologies they wish to enforce which automatically associates me with them since I am conforming to their ideal values. I am still conforming to the institution therefore an ally to them. However I possess a latent power which the institution recognise and maybe fear. They don't have a case against me because I represent what they wish to make widespread. I therefore give up power by compromising on these values. The boys take on the role of the criminal, the subject of the interventions, the individual to be reformed, the wrongdoer that requires correction. My parents represent the institution, those in power who see it as their duty to disciple and correct. A missing stakeholder in this narrative I would argue is ‘society’ and more specifically communities whose wellbeing is as/more prioritised than the individuals wellbeing. I think maybe then the overall domestic attitude represents society. 

I don't know whether I support my parents attempts of reform or not. I slightly resent their attempts to enforce productivity and work. It is holidays afterall. I think the problem at the moment lies in that the boys reject the top down interventions atm. They don't get a choice whether they want to conform or not because its either that or household rejection- which in the scneria equates to social rejection. Its either agree to conform or social rejection. So the decision was definitely coersed. 

I wonder if I can use ideas of the fourth space can enter the home. Even though the home is by definition the first place right now my parents want to turn it into a second place. But third places are characterised as those which foster social connection. If I'm treating the home as its own ecosystem I want to identify a way to create that third place in the home. Or if I'm thinking about a fourth space which blends all three. 

Torn because while I'm critiwuing the ideologies of work as rehabilitation I think I just don't agree with prisons in general. Its like trying to design something ethical to fit into a questional institution feels like a waste of my time and slightly superfluous. Like I'm just covering up cracks because I'm too scared to pull up the floorboards. Sanding down the splinters.  

[omegasupremeconservative]

The MAGABomber Story: What The Media Isn’t Telling You

Is The Mail Pipe Bomb Story A False Flag Or Is It Real?

Americans are sometimes skeptical, cynical, and pessimistic. We are bombarded everyday by large amounts of information, some research into advertising has suggested that the average person sees up to 4,000 ads everyday. My point is more than ever we have to practice “getting out of the matrix” and instead of being sheep and simply believing what we are told and what is reported, we need to question everything and ultimately believe our own instincts aka “trust our own gut”.

I live in the Washington, DC area, you have to be very careful wearing a MAGA hat, contrary to popular belief many liberals are intolerant, they are emotional and tend to believe everything the media says about Donald Trump and his supporters. Make America Great Again is racist to many people in the DC Swamp and they believe Trump supporters are Nazis.

With that said how can this man living in South Florida not a place friendly to Donald Trump be driving around in a van fully covered with Trump stickers all over every window? How wasn’t he pulled over by police for having stickers covering up literally every window (see picture below).

MAGABomber Van

From Rush Limbaugh: “This van, every window has stickers, decals, bumper stickers! There are so many of ’em, you can’t see out these windows. The first reaction I had when I first heard — when I first was told and believed it — that this was the guy’s van, my first reaction, “How in the world does a van like that in south Florida not get defaced?”

If you are a Trump Supporter wearing any kind of MAGA gear depending on where you live you will be attacked by unhinged Democrats, liberals and progressives. There is no doubt about this and the media could care less. Look at this report of 133 attacks on Trump Supporters. Just putting a Trump bumper sticker on your car will get your car keyed up and defaced in many places but if you have an Obama or Hillary sticker your safe. People have gone mad when it comes to Trump. The point is unless you live in a place that is very conservative and Trump friendly you usually wouldn’t find anyone behaving like this.

Key MAGABomber Details The Media Won’t Ask

According to this article Cesar Sayoc is a registered Democrat. Here is a screenshot of his profile on MyLife before the internet police scrubbed it.

Cesar Sayoc Was a Registered Democrat

The mail bombs didn’t even have the correct postage stamps on them another red flag. If this guy was supposedly smart enough to put together a bomb how come he wasn’t smart enough to put the proper postage on the packages? See pictures:

Mail Bomb Package 2

How did the authorities apprehend all these mail bombs so quickly?

“The USPS does not deliver to homes of anyone under Secret Service protection like former presidents Clinton and Obama. All mail addressed to their residence is delivered to the Secret Service field office. Therefore, the reports that bombs were delivered to the homes of 2 former presidents is an absolute LIE!” -> (this comes from a Twitter account called @RedWaveSurfer but I can’t confirm the actually account). This information is still accurate regarding how USPS handles former Presidents mail.

Bill Mitch on Twitter wrote this

Wait let’s see. “Bombs” sent in envelopes creating maximum suspicion (because they look and feel like bombs). You send them from the same district you are actually in. Your van is covered in Trump stickers to point of being ridiculous.

This guy WANTED to be caught.

— Bill Mitchell (@mitchellvii) October 26, 2018

All the stickers on the suspected bombers van haven’t faded, if you are living in South Florida where it’s usually hot and you have these many stickers on your vehicle how come none of them are faded? In fact they look brand new.

The so called MAGABomber was homeless living out of his van, how did he have the means to put together fake bombs and mail out 13 IED devices?

His Twitter profile which has more than likely been removed by now is skeptical, he was only following about 30 people including President Trump but he had another Twitter account where he followed mostly liberals. Was this guy bipolar?

His Twitter account also looked like it was just created the hallmarks of a false flag operation. Take a look at any real Twitter account from a Trump supporter and you will see a long trail dating back to 2016 at the very least.

He was tweeting the same type of content over and over, another red flag that this was a troll account or a sock puppet account, his social media account was NOT REAL in my opinion.

Check out YouTuber TrutherTalk (you must subscribe to her on YouTube) give her point of view on the so called #MagaBomber Cesar Sayoc story.

Watch Shepard Smith Try To Make Trump Responsible For The So Called MAGABomber Attack

I was surprised to see Chris Wallace debunk the subtle attacks from Shepard Smith.

Watch Ali Alexander’s Breakdown On The Bomber Hoax

Please listen/watch this video, Ali Alexander has the same attitude as me. “When the gatekeepers tell you not to think”, its because they want to think for you“. This is what my entire website blog is about, thinking for yourself, expanding your mind your perspective and point of view. Get used to using your mind and thinking on a regular basis. Don’t rely on the media to tell you the truth, that goes for all the major media outlets including Fox News. Some people think that because I am conservative I love Fox News, let me be clear I don’t trust them either but “sometimes” they put out truthful information.

Check Out A Lionel As He Discusses The #BombHoax

FBI Director Chris Wray came out last Friday October 26, on the same day they captured Cesar Sayoc to give a press conference. He confirmed that 13 devices were sent out via mail. Each device consisted of PVC pipe, a small clock, a battery, some wiring and what is known as “energetic material”. He makes it clear that these are NOT hoax devices. Much of the rest of Director Wray’s conference was dedicated to applauding the work of the men and women of law enforcement for their effort in catching this criminal. I agree and applaud our law enforcement and thank them for everything they do!

Director Wray made a statement that is very concerning towards the end of his press conference saying “there may be other packages in transit now“. What makes him say there may be more packages? What evidence does he have? Is law enforcement not confident they captured the mastermind? Then he says if you have any information to please call us. This is very alarming and it seems this situation may not be over yet.

We still don’t know what the motive was for sending these bombs that didn’t work? Are we supposed to believe that a homeless deranged Trump supporter who used to be a Democrat decided to send 13 IED devices in the mail with the wrong postage stamps, misspelling many of the “targets” names on the labels, sending one of the packages to the wrong address, and intentionally making sure none of the bombs go off? Why would he do that? Are more bombs coming? Is this going to happen before the 2016 Midterms. Is Cesar Sayoc a complete idiot, a patsy or a criminal mastermind?

Dan Bongino a former Secret Service Agent weighed in saying this:

“I believe this person is going to be caught expeditiously in the coming days. I believe who it is…. I better not say too much…is going to surprise you. I think it’s going to surprise a lot of people what’s going on behind the scenes with this,” said Bongino, adding that the culprit wanted the devices to be detected.

“Bongino also suggested that the individual deliberately designed the bombs not to go off because none of the packages exploded and some were constructed with shoddy plastic piping.”

Dan Bongino mimicked something that Director Wray said during his press conference saying that he is worried that there will now be a “tactical shift” from devices that didn’t go off, to devices that WILL GO OFF. I pray to God this isn’t true.

The mainstream media seems to be content with blaming this all on Trump’s rhetoric but they have yet to really do a deep dive and ask tough questions. The first question would be WHY?

President Trump has openly said at rallies he hopes his political enemies like Elizabeth Warren, Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, Cory Booker, or Hillary Clinton run for President. This is all on tape and public record. He WANTS them to RUN because he believes he will beat them easily. He has bragged about it. If you understood President Trump’s personality you would know he takes pride in winning. Winning for Trump isn’t having someone else win for him and it’s certainly not having some deranged criminal send pipe bombs in the mail to his political enemies.

Paul Joseph Watson Chimes In On The Mail Bomber

Check out this video from Patriot Douglass Ducote Sr. Founder and CEO of Veterans United For Justice also retired US Army and veteran law enforcement officer as he explains from his vast military and law enforcement perspective that “there is way more to this than what we are being told”.

Of course there are contrary arguments and voices on the other side. Check out these guys from The Damage Report who seem to be reasonable liberals (I think they are liberal but I could be wrong) ask the question if this #MAGABomber story could be fake. Specifically they discuss the van the alleged perpetrator drove in this video.

Their conclusion so far is:

They say “take it with a grain of salt” that this guy Cesar Sayoc is a genuine Trump supporter.

“He is about as Trump Supportery as you can be”.

“That combined with his long list of targets that he chose, an enemies list of Donald Trump effectively that he was able to compile from Donald Trump’s statements and speeches..makes it pretty clear”.

My analysis and perspective:

I am a genuine Trump Supporter, there is no way I would stick all these stickers on my vehicle, why on earth would I block all my windows including my rear windows with Trump stickers? Whoever thinks this is a genuine Trump supporter is misguided. Most Trump supporters are in the closet because they live in cities where the liberals are unhinged and intolerant and it will cause problems for them to “come out” as a Trump supporter.

This van is strange and I bet you can’t find one genuine Trump supporter with a vehicle like this. Many of these stickers don’t even make sense to me as a Trump supporter.

Trump supporters will wear MAGA hats, a MAGA shirt of some kind, that is usually about it. We aren’t draping ourselves with Trump gear from head to toe even at a Trump rally and we certainly aren’t pimping out our vehicles with MAGA, PENCE, and all this other nonsense that liberals think Trump supporters are into.

Hopefully we have no more bombs, I pray we don’t. We still don’t know why the bomber did this, if he did it, or if we even have the right guy. Could there be others? Donald Trump has been President for almost 2 years, he has given over 100 rallies, if these rallies were so violent and divisive in nature wouldn’t there be more Cesar Sayoc’s out there? Wouldn’t there be more tragedies if Trump rallies are so divisive? The Trump rallies are fully televised for all to see I challenge anyone to point me to what Trump has said at any rally that would cause a person of sound mind to commit an act of violence.

Any nut-job, crazy psycho can be triggered by anything or nothing at all so the mental stability of a person is key. These accusations against Trump for his so called “divisive rhetoric” is ludicrous when he is doing what every politician on the planet does which is make derogatory remarks against his political opponents.

      The post The MAGABomber Story: What The Media Isn’t Telling You appeared first on Alternative News Source, Research and Analysis.

source http://ugetinformed.com/politics/the-magabomber-story-what-the-media-isnt-telling-you

[thedeadshotnetwork]

Batman: The Enemy Within - Episode 3: Fractured Mask Review This review will contain spoilers for previous episodes of Batman: The Enemy Within. In Episode 2 of Batman: The Enemy Within , Bruce Wayne found himself behind enemy lines working as a member of The Pact, a coalition of villains hatching a plan to wreak havoc in Gotham City. In Episode 3, Fractured Mask, developer Telltale pumps the brakes on high-stakes schemes in favour of something a little more intimate. The result is an episode that only inches the overarching narrative forward, but takes a big leap in exploring the fragile nature of Bruce Wayne's duality. At the end of the last episode, Catwoman--who has been absent since Season 1--made a surprise return, and in Episode 3 it's revealed she's in league with Harley, Bane, Mr. Freeze, and John "Not The Joker Yet" Doe. But Catwoman is also driven to take revenge against The Pact--and the mysterious forces they represent--for the death of Riddler. Through her, Fractured Mask recontextualizes Riddler's actions somewhat by indicating that his plans may not have aligned completely with his villainous compatriots. The Riddler that Catwoman knew was a different, better person than the one Batman faced, and ultimately the one The Pact killed. With this in mind, she takes it into her own hands to seek retribution. Click image to view in full screen Naturally, this places Bruce in a tricky spot. Since Catwoman's plans threaten to undermine his own efforts as an undercover operative for Amanda Waller, the two find themselves at odds professionally. Complicating matters even further is the burgeoning romance between them which, amongst the deception and subterfuge, allows them to find some comfort in each other and not completely descend into darkness. This dynamic is at the core of Episode 3 and, for the most part, it is depicted well. Although there are a couple of scenes where Catwoman's attitude pivots jarringly, these eventually culminate in a moment of genuine emotional payoff where the player can choose to develop their relationship in a meaningful way. Bruce Wayne and Batman's other ties become equally messy in Episode 3. Most impactfully, his friendship with Jim Gordon takes a serious turn for the worse. Since Batman is playing nice with Amanda Waller, who is wrestling control of Gotham's law enforcement operations away from Gordon, the two begin to drift apart. Episode 3 presents a Gordon who has his back against the wall and is desperately trying to remain relevant. He clutches at straws hoping to grasp something significant and, unfortunately, this results in Bruce finding himself in Gordon's crosshairs. It's actually quite sad to see Batman's staunchest ally slowly becoming his demise. Although there is an opportunity to begin repairing this fracturing friendship, taking this step will damage another important one. There aren't very many big decision-making moments in Episode 3, but the few that are there carry enough consequence to make the player pause and think. Episode 3 also sees old wounds reopened, with Lucius Fox's daughter, Tiffany, becoming embroiled in Batman and Bruce Wayne's activities. As a character, Tiffany hasn't had much screen time but the events of the episode raise her profile considerably. Without spoiling the story, Telltale seems to be motioning towards something that, if it happens, could be very exciting for fans of Batman and for this series. And then, throughout it all is John Doe, the man being positioned to become Joker. He's a lingering presence that is both charming and unsettling, and Episode 3 hops back and forth between those two personas expertly. Doe continues to be a fascinating take on the character; unsure of who he is but very slowly dipping into the madness that will inevitably consume him. His need to find acceptance sees him craving Harley Quinn's attention, to the point where he puts both himself and his "best friend" Bruce in danger. As with the previous two episodes, John Doe is a standout character, providing levity with some excellently delivered one-liners, throwaway quips, and one hilarious sequence involving shadow puppets. Click image to view in full screen While Episode 3 has strong characterization, its gameplay feels rather shallow. Outside of the fight sequences, which are well choreographed but a little trite, there's one big puzzle for players to solve. It takes place in Riddler's hideout and, given his love of flaunting his intelligence, you'd think it would be elaborate and challenging. However, it's actually trivial to solve, making Riddler seem a bit dull--talk about kicking someone when he's already down. Nevertheless, Episode 3 of Telltale's Batman: The Enemy Within is well thought out and strongly written. Telltale has weaved together a complicated web of relationships that's becoming strained by the people tangled in it. After two relatively straightforward episodes, this is exactly what the series needed to carry it forward and ensure players are compelled to see it through. November 24, 2017 at 02:43PM

[saranghaetwo-rp-blog]

Attitudes of the admins here are shit. Hard to talk to, don't listen, are inactive and think its acceptable to threaten and kick out members when they aren't. What the actual fuck. Then you give members a shitty survey to do with questions that aren't relevant and are hard to answer.

Hello!

Firstly, we would like to thank you for addressing the issues you feel are present in the roleplay. Even hostile messages like this are appreciated because deep down, they are rooted from the genuine unhappiness of their experience here and although there is only so much the admins can do, we hope this can shed some light on the issues you feel are occurring here at Saranghae roleplay.  

We wonder if it could be possible for you to be more specific with what we don’t listen to? Or how we may be hard to talk to? We try our best to give the members an opportunity to talk to us and most issues, we talk as a team to get issues addressed without being biased in any way, shape or form and do our best to not offend anyone. Perhaps it may feel like we don’t listen or are hard to talk to if it has to do with something concerning our rules? It’s hard to guess any examples since we rarely get complaints. However, we try our best to make the roleplay a nice place to be but sometimes, it means that some people might have to be a little unhappy to ensure our standards are met and that means doing things like sometimes having to say no. It’s clear what we expect from our members in the rules which is something you read before you join the roleplay so we do hope people take that into consideration before joining. If you felt that we have wronged you in any way, we do apologize for that misunderstanding. 

Our admin team is here every single day ready to help. Even with different time zones to ensure there is almost always someone available to talk to and this can be proven if need be. If you mean we are inactive with the members when it comes to roleplaying, we can try harder although we do try to talk to as many people as we can and if you’d like, we can provide screen caps if that helps. If you ever want to rp with one of us, shoot us a message and we can plot something fun! :) Recently, two of our admins have experienced tragedy’s in their personal lives so perhaps that can account for recent inactivity when it comes to roleplaying because we are trying to catch up on a lot of admin work that we normally do daily but I can assure you, we are quite active.We have a standard that we do enforce which means if you are inactive for seven days or more without notice of hiatus, you get a reminder and we normally wait an additional one to two days before removing someone if they show no sign of life. In some cases, we even extend that wait even a couples extra days but that all depends if that person was very active in the past or not. We do this because like we said before, we have to set a standard in the roleplay and it’s not fair for other members to come around and see no one is ever online because everyone is inactive and we do nothing about it. Imagine how damaging that could be. 

About the survey: The survey questions are all based on the concerns people messaged us about over the weekend, so if you have anything else you want to say, feel free to submit it here if the questions weren’t right for you. We made the survey because we truly care about people’s experience here. Although we can’t make everyone happy, we do truly care. 

We hope that this helps you out and can make you understand our side as admins and again, we thank you for expressing yourself with us. Hopefully, we can work together in the future and make this roleplay a more enjoyable place for everyone!