#it's just complicated and scary
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Tfw a scene hits you with such force and clarity, it's absolutely like a religious vision
When Astarion gets up in the middle of the night to handle the twins so they will be quiet and let Mercy sleep, Mercy sneaks off to the undercity ruins. Theyre gone for hours hunting any Bhaalists who are trying to maintain the ruins, slaughtering the Bhaalists, and then going to the altar to yell directly at Bhaal, only to be met with silence. Mercy screaming that he couldn't take anything else from them. They'd make damn sure of it. Just never saying "You took everything you wanted from me, but you cannot have the twins." And it's a threat. One that isn't answered.
Then returning to a fretting Astarion (bc they're both still unlearning their codependency)
#bat rambles#durge and astarion are still working through toxic habits after the tadpoles are dealt with#they're both codependent and until this point havent had to be separated#or even like exist in a way that wasnt together#Mercy’s his emotional support person#and mercy is a guard dog who needs a job and their job is protecting Astarion so no one can get close#while he shoots an arrow through their throat#but now mercy also is feeling protective of the twins#not even maternal projectiveness or anything#they just can see who they were in the twins and if they got a chance#even with them spilling so much blood their body remembers what their mind cannot#mercy got a second chance and theyre going to extend that to the kids#it's just complicated and scary#astarion is still very much in his head and just performing so he doesnt have to think about the Horrors#he's just playing 5D short-term chess but he doesnt think of the twins as people yet#at best theyre like disgusting little gnolls#tolerating bc he can see Mercy isnt rejecting them#and mercy is like preparing for him to be like. this is NOT what i want#even tho he's absolutely thinking to himself it's barely a blip in his immortal life span#the time needed to rear the kids enough to be self sufficient and independent is nothing#but mercy will NOT ask him to stay they would never ask him to do something they think he may not wanna do#but bc no communication he's very confused about why they're so fucking angry at him all of a sudden#bc theyre pushing him away#their act 1 relationship was v much defined by communication issues by two people who dont know who they are#never love an anchor
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Ray of sunshine
(pre-launch page for their comic)
#I can not wait to make this comic#I have to stop thinking about it or else I cant focus#every time I start thinking about it I get all jittery. I wanna make it so fucking bad its unreal#hope to GOD I can do it full time omfg#I'll need like 500 people on my patreon paying to read ahead. ish. minimum. which is scary ahgkjsahgkjagh#but! I'll be able to put that on patreon! I cant do that right now. so thats cool!!!#just a lot of people AJGLKJGLKJASLKGGA#like it has to do well or I'm gonna have to get a different job#cause. I am NOT working for webtoon again#I cant do it they are killing me#and I'm not getting paid enough for it#I pitched this comic btw and they said they liked it but they wanted me to simplify the plot.#cause it was 'too complicated'#its literally just like. a murder mystery + a romance + a fetch quest#like its extremely not that complicated lmfao#they thought that people wouldnt be able to follow cause theres too much going on.#and I am not interested in simplifying my stories to this extent. I respect my readers and I trust they can follow plots#just. omfg I'm doing it again!!!#I cant start talking about webtoon without going off again!!!#they PISH ME OFF ! HAHAHAHAH#okay. anyways. I have to get back to work now this took me longer than I expected#like 4 hours#I'm enjoying this new illustration style I've been doing though. its fun.#its like 1 layer and then a ton of effects HAHAHAH#we were legion#zagan and luciel#zagan#luciel#how did I make zagan so hot... I'm a genius...#if he isnt hot then no one would put up with his behavior at the start of the ccomic HAHAHAHA
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When you're anxious but you have a very scary emotional support human weapon to back you up
#star plays dnd#I love their 'scary dog privileges' relationship#it does not work like this in canon bc the whole 'occupying the same body' thing is complicating things#also rn Lapis is just very concerned about the AWOL sleeper agent who keeps yoinking control#but eventually#EVENTUALLY#they will be buddies#maybe#uh#we'll see#I can goof around in the meantime
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Arg crime time watch horror movies and nothing bad ever happens ever.



This is lazy, but it was fun to make.
#wilbur soot arg#editor wilbur arg#Argbur#Arginnit#Arginnit fanart#Argbur fanart#I need more stuff of them being nice... Angst is fun but yknow.#I need to see their relationship more complicated than just “scary man manipulates child into killing people”. There's a lot of#room for other interesting things. Like how did they meet? What circumstances lead to the fuck happened in that one Halloween stream.#Usually I see Tommy getting a random phone call and it all goes downhill. I think it can be more interesting than that. Idk. Maybe I look#Into things too much lol#I will be doing more thinking on this later. Sorry for the tag wall.#crimeboys
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this is so funny to me for some reason. The implication that Solas experienced a sudden interest in women when he took form. Like he got a body and was immediately burdened by Ape Thoughts.
#i assume this banter is a reference to a movie or smth but idk which one#i mean this would probably be the least of solas' worries at the time since the experience of being made physical was like deeply#traumatic for him but having to deal with this weird kind of spirit puberty on top of that#which to him is fascinating and exciting and scary and uncomfortable at the same time#very complicated feelings for someone who was just a spirit chilling in the fade a moment ago#poor guy#dragon age#dai#solas#veilguard spoilers
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Duncan is like the Miss Marple of Dragon Age - the moment he arrives at the Circle, Orzammar, Castle Cousland, the Brecilian Forest and Ostagar the world seems to go "Well, shit, I guess it's murder, death, and betrayal time."
#edit - OSTAGAR TOO#the man has the best/worst timing imaginable lmao#he manages to swoop in right before Alistair fully becomes a templar + saves Daveth from execution too#he saves literally all the origins from various grizzly fates#he also conscripts Ser Jory just as his wife gets pregnant#i have not read a Miss Marple book - I've only seen the shows - but the police need to have someone trailing that woman at all times#send her into an enemy warzone and they'll all suddenly end up killing each other in various complicated ways#“Release the Marple!” *scary chanting in the distance*#dragon age#dragon age origins#duncan dragon age
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When I was 16 my psychologist made me do an exercise where I had to draw different emotions and I depicted all of them as creatures. This was my design for 'Love' and at the time I didn't understand why she remarked that my design was unusual, but looking back at it now yeah no I get it. Anyway I spruced up this ol' lad because Valentine's is coming up and it reminded me of my love monster. Some lore and bonus doodles under the cut, feel free to psychoanalyze my relationship with this specific emotion along with me
Love is a curious, communal and very affectionate species, one that is capable of forming strong bonds even with other animals. They express fondness in multiple different ways - from nuzzling, grooming and cuddling, to bringing all sorts of trinkets, food or other things their beloved might like, each individual having their own main love language. They also tend to wear their hearts on their shoulders, with such expressive body language it is hard to not be able to tell what one is feeling.
However, not all members of this species are very nice. While Love has a strong urge to give affection, it also craves that same affection back. Some animals (and sometimes even members of their own species) may prey on these instincts by tolerating these excitable critters, giving the bare minimum in return to maintain a bond, and reaping the benefits from the Love's attention and care. Some animals have even evolved a way to mimic a frill like the one of the Love species, their main way of showing their true feelings, to more effectively trap a Love in this one way relationship. Other times Loves can forget, or even willfully ignore, their sharp teeth, powerful clawed arms and rough, scaly, saggy skin, with can end up hurting someone during an intense cuddle session. It's not uncommon that they prioritize their own comfort and feelings over another's, which is why they sometimes ignore that their way of expressing affection is hurting someone, and refuse to let go if someone they're bonded to wants out.
While it is capable of forming bonds with other species, it's not exactly easy. Due to the Love's carnivorous nature and spontaneous, sudden movements, it scares other critters away, causing most Loves to be confined to their own communities.
#When I first designed it I had just come up with the heart frill idea and thought it was really clever#And also I really liked the scary creature is actually really nice and misunderstood trope#but examining the design today I feel like I definitely projected way more of my experiences onto this thing#Its kinda complicated but it has definitely helped me to recontextualize and examine my experience with love#since its not exactly super positive#Though its not just a reflection of my experience with receiving love as it also represents how I feel when I give love#It kinda messed me up and now I feel like im interacting with a wild animal when I try to express love#Like dont make any sudden movements or youll scare it away#Dont come off too strong when meeting someone new or youll scare them away#Anyway id love to draw up some of the other emotion designs I remember#namely anger fear and sadness#but idk well see#doodle#dinosaur#dinosaur art#art#monster art#monster#emotions
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Yeah I wish bein aroallo didn’t feel like the evilest most selfish thing to be. Ah well I’m not gonna think about it and instead live vicariously through my oc <33
#+bein religious and in a religious family doesn’t make things any less complicated#it’s weird n I’m still trying to make peace with it#but for now it feels bad man#feels bad#love bein aro the future just seems scary and impossible to navigate#probably not something to post about at 5am but it’s been heavy on the mind for a while now#rozu thoughts#delete later probably
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I was pouring a promised libation out to Hermes, Apollo, Aphrodite, and Dionysus this afternoon (I'd asked them for help with a personal matter involving a sibling) and as I was looking up at the sky talking about the situation I saw three hawks start to circle something a little ways in the distance. Hawks aren't exactly uncommon here but it had been a while since I'd seen any, let alone three at once, so it caught my attention.
And while I was trying to figure out what type of bird they were (not an eagle, too short a neck to be a vulture, etc) one of them swooped down into a neighbor's backyard and back up along the tree in my backyard, close enough that, if a branch weren't in the way, I would have been able to see its feather markings. While hawks were somewhat usual, experiencing that certainly was not. So, of course, when I got inside I looked up if any Greek gods are associated with hawks.
And, of course, Apollo is.
I've been thinking a lot about the difference between "this is just a Thing That Happens" and a sign so it was nice to see a direct example of how something differs when it's coming from a god.
#to be clear: i confirmed both today's instance and the last one (the sun coming out from behind a cloud directly after pouring a libation)#via divination. im checking my work#i said i needed direct & outside (aka not from within my own head) communication and apollo went 'on it'#i appreciate it. he's been the most communicative so far but hermes has too#got another whopper of a tarot pull during today's check-in after asking hermes for help w/ communicating like i did last time#they've been pretty intertwined so far. ive been focusing a lot on getting my etsy up & running though so it makes sense as an intersection#of their domains#aphrodite and hestia have been a bit more subtle so far but still there#also: im not trying to do augury here. not touching that w/ a ten foot pole it's scary & im still trying to wrap my head around when to use#the alphabet oracle im not ready for that level of complicated. i just took the type of bird & the fact that it's behavior i havent#seen before. and when i say it swooped over my backyard i mean it was *directly* over my head. it was wild#i wouldnt have gone to 'hm this may be an acknowledgement/sign' if it were just the hawks circling over head#i also appreciate that hermes hasnt tried to fuck with me yet. trying to parse that while im still getting my pagan sea legs would be#a nightmare and may have just put me off paganism entirely. i was drawn to hellenic paganism *because* there wasnt a constant warning about#potential tricksters looming overhead#coriander says#hellenic pagan#helpol#hellenic polytheism#apollo#hellenic community#theoi#pagans of tumblr#paganism#hellenic gods#ill remember all the associated symbols/animals/plants eventually#lowkey thinking of making flashcards lol. could be fun
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being bigender and intersex rocks severely actually. realizing im more comfortable with my femininity as a trans woman than i ever was with my coercively assigned 'cis' girlhood is just. good. it makes me feel good about myself and feel Comfortable in my own bones. its nice.
#the bigenderism goes hard with the intersex and the genderqueerness#either i am like. as cringe as it sounfs Girlmoding or boymoding. or im genderqueer in between. often times both but never neither#i love you my complicated intersection of gender sex and disability...#ive been thinking about. enforcing my use of she/her more. going by the name may sometimes tok#but its scary and id need to find a way to test it#i like lajka and cecil and all my other namds i just want a morem dedicated girl one#may is nice. its my birth month#whatever. im yapping#chorusing
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# i am scared
#this restaurant is so scary omg#the order process is so complicated#and all the workers i think are mad at me#i told the guy my order and he said speak up#and then told him again and then he didn’t say anything to confirm it just looked away#and there are so many people#leave me alone#my sandwich has mustard on it and i had to wipe it off my cheese with a napkin#i told my parents it was scary and they said it’s not scary just new#sorry i have a possiblr neurological condition thst makes me uncomfortable and scared whrn it comes to new things#not s good place for neurodivergency#1/10 rating for that deli place in des moines#i’m on a road trip dw#not doxxing myself#i’m not there anymore x#so don’t even TRY stalking me#this is a SCHEDULED POST!!#slay
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honestly i dont really talk about caine all too much, i talk about pomni a lot and then ill talk abt ragatha a lot and then i also talk about gangle and kinger and it generally cycles between them (i draw jax a lot but it has to do w him just being fun to draw- i need to talk about zooble MORE bc they were one of the first parts of the show that got me invested)- i love the entire main cast but some of them i talk abt more and i feel like caine is not a common one i discuss. but i really really like his character even if i dont talk about him so much
#i think the complicated thing is that what i find appealing abt his character isnt always aligned w how he gets depicted#no shame to anyone else i like ppl having fun! i just like him in a specific way myself#i like when nonhuman characters are so very nonhuman its really cool to me#theres a tragedy to him that i also like but i like the idea that that tragedy is also like#what makes him Really Bad News for the cast members. i like him being scary in an oblivious nd jovial way its intriguing to me#.tbqh i dont see the show ending well for him#w the trajectory his character is going i think hes going to do worse and worse things#i dont think itll get rid of his tragedy and i do think the show will address some things theyve implied abt him more explicitly later#but. i dont think its ending well for him. i dont think hes gonna be making any friends. i think he is going to crash and burn#which. is sadder for him and worse news for the rest of the cast in a very compelling way to me#i mean smth good COULD happen for him but the way hes been presented so far doesnt make me hopeful for his future#i dont think hell ever be evil. and i think its more meaningful that way#smth smth he and jax are smth akin to foils and i think where jax' character has a good chance of having SOME inkling of improvement#by the end#but caine is less likely to have this. i think hes more likely to go the other direction#funny considering that caine is more jovial and friendly in comparison#but. yeah. i really like him theres a fun-ness to him thats really entertaining he makes me laugh#but theres also a deep horror to him that i loooove writing wise#add in the implied tragedy hes very interesting#theres a reason i still have that animatic in the works of him#i love the other characters a little more personally than caine#but the story being built up for caine and the circus as a setting is a majorly fascinating aspect of the whole show#im excited to see where it goes and i wanna be able to convey my thoughts on him#...tho i tend to get distracted by the women in the show more frequently HAHA#circus discussion
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I don't think Tuvok would fuck his clone or an evil version of himself BUT I /do/ think he'd sooo tempted to have an all night stand with an alternate universe version of himself that completed the kolinahr and attained pure logic. I think he'd have to grasp his hands so tightly behind his back to keep from caressing that man's temples.
#star trek voyager#Tuvok to me is like those posts that're like 'why don't we have a wet white cap contest so I can oggle your beautiful mind'#I also headcanon that he sort of keeps the kolinahr thing a secret because he has very complicated personal feelings about it#and especially non-Vulcans would probably just say something like 'that sounds scary glad you didn't do it'#(he told Janeway because he trusts her but it also took him until an in-canon episode to do so when they've been friends for like 20 years)
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anyway aziraphale still thinks of morality as black and white with heaven as inherently good and demons as inherently bad and that is an inescapable ideological conflict that cannot be solved by good communication in a relationship where one party is a fucking demon
#good omens#good omens meta#gos2 spoilers#rewatch the conversation. look how happy he is. this is not a compromise he's making for the sake of safety or happiness or whatever#he wants this. he wants heaven. he wants to Be Good. he wants crowley to Be Good.#(he thinks he does. he doesn't. he still has his eyes closed.)#please i am begging people to understand that they are not just talking past each other. there is a Problem here#and it can only be solved by aziraphale going to heaven (into the metatron's trap) and learning for the last time that#there is no source of inherent good or evil in the world. people (and occult beings) aren't Good or Evil.#the world is complicated and we all just have to make the best choices we can. it's scary and it means you have to have faith in yourself#to make those choices. but he has to learn it if they are ever going to be actually happy.
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Looked out the window at the orthodontist and saw THREE small ass dogs (one of them had fluffy fur!!!!) amazing wonderful day
#might get like good food and craft stuff too :D#I wanna get a zipper for smth I might work on later#also wearing psych ward socks cause they’re the only clean ones I have and I have complicated feelings abt that#I put them on and felt just so much Dread man#also there was old blood on the shirt they gave me which was also a little scary
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the voicesssss <- getting the urge to come out
#shouting into the void#i’m just so fucking bad at keeping secrets#it would make everything so much more complicated and scary tho#hhhhhhh
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