#it's just more embarrassing from 'Tucky

[spoonyruncible]

I genuinely do think of myself as a very chill unbothered person, and that’s at least mostly true but I get deeply frustrated when I see people failing to grasp simple concepts and then dismissing those concepts as ‘stupid’ instead of maybe trying even one percent harder.

Since it’s June one I’ve seen a lot is either willful misunderstanding of Pride or an outright refusal to accept that a word can contain nuance and multiple definitions. “What have they got to be proud about? They didn’t do anything.” I’ve seen the same complete nonsense said about every pride movement, disability pride, black pride, AAPI pride. And the absolutely lukewarm takes I’ve seen are so stomach-churningly shitty that I have the common sense to just disengage and walk away and complain on my own blog.

My least favorite take is “Well, they just want to feel special.” Ah, yes, feeling special, the very reason that motivates me every morning to wake up. I feel so special I’m estranged from my family. Countless frightened people have confessed their truth to loved ones and heard exactly that, “You just want to be special. You want to make everything about you.” I was fortunate enough to hear, “For fucks sake, we know you’re autistic but can you stop telling people?”

The reality of it is so simple, so easy, that it’s bizarre this keeps needing to be said. Pride doesn’t mean the the immutable nature of your body, your history, or at times your very soul is an accomplishment in and of itself, it means that you’re not ashamed even though other people say you ought to be. Like, I could explain this to a small child with zero difficulty. Good Lord, I grew up hearing “Rebel Pride” from people living in Kentucky which was a Union state. If anyone anywhere just ‘wants to feel special’ it’s Kentuckians with uglyass Confederate battle flags.

[scribbling-stiks]

AAR - VI - Home Base

"YOU ABSOLUTE F***ING DUNCE!" Arizona shrieks, "DO YOU KNOW HOW STUPID THAT WAS?!"

Russia sits, frozen as she screams at the top of her lungs in his face. Texas doesn't even look startled.

"Ari-" America tries.

"NO! YOU KNOW HOW F***ING STUPID THAT WAS! PAPA, WHAT COULD'VE HAPPENED?! NOTHING THAT WOULD'VE ENDED WITH US ALIVE!"

Arizona huffs before she stares back at Russia, anger and fear in her eyes, and her hair starts to smoke.

"If you light my car on fire, you're paying for the repairs," Kansas mutters.

"Did you look away?" she hisses.

"I SAID DID YOU LOOK AWAY?!" she shouts.

"No! No," Russia answers, shaking his head, his tongue stuck in his mouth, "it..look...down...first."

Arizona stares at him harshly.

"He's telling the truth," Kansas says from the front of the car.

Arizona shrinks back into her seat, muttering something in a language Russia doesn't recognize.

"Don't do that ever again," America says.

"Do...what?" Russia forces out.

"Don't ever make eye-contact with anything like that again," America demands.

"...Why?"

"Because if you get into a staring contest like that, and you accidentally look away, you become the next f***ing target, and you can't just get rid of that," America says, "you got really f***ing lucky that you didn't look away first."

"Well, don't ever do that again unless you want to have something hunting you 'till you end up dead. At least now, it probably means that it won't be following us anymore," Arizona says.

"Yo! What the F*** just happened with your car?" New York says into the radio, "we saw the thing keep up with you and then run off."

"Rus got into a staring contest," Texas replies.

"HE F***ING WHAT?"

"Ari already gave him his scolding."

"Tex, please tell me that Russia won."

"He did, don't worry."

The radio gets quiet.

America leans back on him and tilts his head up.

"Don't do that again, you lucking b*****," America mutters.

Russia nods, and America relaxes, leaning against him. Russia drapes his arms around America's shoulders, and America reaches up and grabs them, hugging them close. Russia closes his eyes, not to sleep, but to avoid looking outside the window.

They stop for gas a few more times, and America instructs them to enter in a group of four to pay for all the pumps at one time. Sure, the clerks were suspicious of them, but as long as they all behaved, they would be fine.

They cross the border into Idaho at dawn, and a few more hours in, they pull off the interstate into some side roads that wind into the trees.

America is sleeping against his chest, and Russia stares down at him, feeling lovestruck. He gently threads his fingers through America's hair, admiring the colored stripes. The more he plays with it, the more red strands would appear through the white. He admires the colors and the fluffy texture of every strand.

America shifts slightly but doesn't pull away.

"What are you doing?" America mumbles.

"Hair," Russia replies, having given up on any longer sentences today.

"You're too sweet," America giggles.

"You...sweet," Russia replies.

America smiles, and Russia feels his heart swell.

'He's so happy.'

'So cute.'

He pulls his hand out of America's hair and hugs him tight. America laughs and hugs Russia's arms. America smiles and sits back up. Russia looks up and sees Georgia looking away, looking a little dejected. Russia pokes America in the shoulder and nudges him to Georgia. America looks over, and almost coos at her

"Oh, baby girl. Are you okay?" America asks.

Georgia sniffles, but determinately stares out the window.

"'m not a baby," Georgia mumbles.

"But you're my baby," America says, "and you look like you're all worked up. What's wrong?"

Georgia covers her face and turns even further.

"Come on, baby, what's wrong?"

Georgia turns and looks down at her lap, her face red and she looks embarrassed. She signs something with her hands. The signs are fast and frantic.

"Oh," America mutters, "come here. All you have to do is ask."

America gathers Georgia up into a hug, and she leans against him, her arms at her sides.

"I missed you so much," Georgia says, "and I know I worry too much sometimes, but..."

"It's okay, I'm okay. You're my baby, the same as Tucky, the same as Arizona or Alaska. I love each and every one of you. Don't you forget it. I love you no matter what," America says.

"I know. I know. It's just... hard to remember sometimes," Georgia mumbles.

Russia watches as America's heart breaks. America's face falls, and he squeezes his eyes shut with a pained look on his face. It looks as though he had taken a blow to the chest. Georgia looks up and her face takes on a panicked look.

"Dad! I didn't mean to make you upset!" Georgia says, and she tries to pull away in her panic. America pulls her back into a tight hug. He places a hand on the back of her head to hug her tightly.

"It's okay. It's not your fault," America says, but the way he says it makes Russia's heart clench. Pain and guilt paint the words.

Russia wants to reach out, to make it better, to take that pain away, but he resists. America needed to be there for his children, and Russia doesn't want to intrude.

America just hugs Georgia a little tighter and takes a shaky breath.

"I'll do better, I promise," America says quietly.

"I love you, Dad," Georgia says.

"I love you too," America replies

"I'll do better for all of you. I will," America promises, "I will."

Georgia looks almost guilty but relents, turning and burying her face into America's chest. As soon as Georgia hides her face, America's face fell, and he looked like he was about to cry. America chews on his bottom lip, and his eyes just filled with guilt.

Russia's heart shatters.

Georgia pulls away, and she looks a little less bothered. America steels over his expression and gives her a gentle smile. She returns it with a grin.

Russia can see America swallow back his feelings, and he feels like his heart was being stomped on.

'I'll help you,' he promises himself.

Russia looks up and meets Finland's eyes. Finland looks conflicted, but sympathetic. Finland turns back and seems to try to comfort a bothered New Mexico.

'We're on the same side,' Russia realizes.

He doesn't know what to feel about it. He didn't like Finland, and he knew Finland didn't like him, but right now, that doesn't matter. It doesn't matter anymore. These kids, these children, need stability, something, and America couldn't do it all.

'Almost 60 kids, we're going to have to work together.'

Russia began to think.

'I need to make some kind of ultimatum. I won't fight in front of these kids with all the things going on.'

He pulls out some paper and begins to try to write. The letters are crooked, uneven, and it takes a few tries to get the words right, and his hands shake, but this was easier to do than to try to talk.

It takes him nearly an hour to finish and he ends up with several sheets of paper discarded at his feet. When he finally finished, and the words are recognizable, he hands it up to Finland, whose seated right in front of him. Finland grabs the paper, and Russia sits back, waiting for her to respond.

"This is a mess," the letter had read, "I want to make amends. I will not apologize. I do not want an apology. I want to make a truce. No need to fight. The children need support."

He had ended the note with "Do you agree?"

His heart beats against his ribcage, though he tries to fight back the anxiety.

'Why am I so nervous?'

He counts the seconds, waiting for a response. He can hear Finland scribbling a response back on the paper.

Finland hands the paper back.

"I accept," it read. Russia looks down at it, and he feels shame fill him.

Staring at the paper, he couldn't help comparing the handwriting. His own looked like a child had written it, save any spelling mistakes. Finland's writing is neat, evenly spaced, and easy to read. His own had been similar before, but looking at how it had degraded made the back of his throat burn with embarrassment.

He feels the urge to crumple the paper but knows that this truce is more important than his feelings.

'I have to keep this, even as just a symbol.'

He glares down at it, and Finland gives him a questioning look. Russia saw her eyes trail down to the crumpled papers under his feet, and his cheeks burn. He looks away.

"Can I have the paper?" she asks.

Russia hands it over but refuses to meet her eyes. A few moments later, she gives it back. Russia flinches and flips it over. The message isn't what she expects.

"It will get better," it reads, "do not be embarrassed. You are recovering from a near-death experience. It is fine."

He feels tears prick his eyes. He hadn't expected to make an ally out of Finland, he only wanted to keep the fighting to a minimum. He looks up and meets Finland's eye. Finland offers a small smile, and Russia returns with a grateful grin.

The tension that had been between the two since the Winter War finally starts to fade.

Finland turns back and talks quietly with the states, and Russia turns his attention back to America, who had been sitting next to him, spaced-out almost completely.

"Okay?" Russia asks.

"Wha-oh. Yeah, I'm okay," America replies.

Russia stares into his eyes and feels doubt build in his chest.

'You are not okay. Talk to me. Please.'

"We're here," Texas announces, parking the car.

Russia stumbles out after the others, and they walk inside the building. Ohio brought in one of the radios. Russia got a look around the area and notes that it looks like an old industrial building. Walking in, he sees the roof is covered in cobwebs, but strangely enough, there is no graffiti or broken windows.

The building seemed to be missing whatever machines had been used to produce whatever had been made here. Most of it had been taken, the walls are bare bricks, the same as the outside frame. The windows are dusty, and the sunlight filters through the dust on the glass, covering the floor in muted shadows.

The inside of the building is as cold as the outside, and the interior is all in two rooms. One is large and goes up 2-stories, and the second is connected and with 3 large garage doors where Russia assumes would have been a loading dock. The first room has a set of metal stairs that lead up to a metal grate floor above him that goes across most of the room.

"No one has been here for 10-ish years," Idaho says, "and it has no government ties. There are backroads that lead here. They're pretty worn down, and might be hard to drive, but they lead to the interstate, and looking in, it doesn't look like it goes to anything."

"I've got a generator to connect to the radio," Tenessee volunteers, and Tennessee and West Virginia go out to retrieve it with a few of the other states and Dixie.

"I need to sit down," America says before tilting over. Russia tries to catch him but doesn't have enough strength to help.

Russia tries to call for help, and though he knows his words were unintelligible, the others react to his tone, running forward to help. It's too chaotic to figure out who's helping America down, but everyone breathes a sigh of relief when New York says that he's okay, just needs to rest.

Russia walks around as Dixie and the others help carry in the generator and set it down. He scans the room for any dangers, but only sees some spiders and cobwebs and maybe a few discarded tools.

'It looks safe enough for now,' Russia decides, 'now to set up a home base here.'

~

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Table of Contents

[elsanna-secret-santa]

SS 2019

Secret Santa 2019 Written for: @kittymaren (formally @asksillysisters)

“This is a horrible idea.”

Elsa mumbled and frowned, flipping through her closet full of clothes for the third time. She really did not have appropriate attire for this. Another glance at her bedside clock, 4:45, and she groaned. They were supposed to be leaving in fifteen minutes. Was Anna even up? The redhead was not an early bird by any means, but as Elsa listened, she could hear the telltale signs of someone rummaging around in the kitchen.

A quick look to her bed, and it wasn’t Olaf, he was too good a boy to leave her, curled up and purring softly. Hans, however, would get into any and everything…but it sounded too precise of movements to be coming from that buttface of an orange tabby.

With a groan, Elsa moved away from her closet, desperately trying to think of what she could wear. She really was out of options, and time, until an idea struck. Not bothering to ask, she hurried across the hall and into Anna’s room, surveying the closet. Yet another groan, and Elsa grabbed the first few items she saw, jumping at the noise behind her. Whirling around, her eyes narrowed at the cat.

“Oh hush you. Go!” Elsa attempted a half-assed kick, to which Hans merely cocked his head, meowing again. Eyes rolling and with a huff, Elsa left him in Anna’s room, hurried back to hers to pull on the stolen borrowed clothes and raced down the stairs to the kitchen.

Anna was sipping away at her coffee, toast in the other hand. Elsa regained her composure, offering a lame wave and not quite meeting her eyes. There was a growing silence, one Elsa wasn’t sure was good or bad. Would Anna be upset she’d taken her clothes without asking? Would she laugh at how ridiculous she looked? God, this was such a stupid idea…

“Wow, Els, you look…good.” Cheeks flushing, Elsa finally turned to fully face Anna, who was clearly hiding a smirk behind her mug.

“I’m-I’m sorry! I should have asked. I didn’t have anything–”

She was cut off as Anna stepped closer, putting a fresh cup of coffee in her hands. “Why would I care? You know you don’t have to ask. Besides.” Anna stepped back, but took Elsa’s hand to hold out her arm to fully appraise her. “Plaid looks good on you. And the khakis?” Anna winked with a low whistle. “You may be onto something.”

Elsa pulled away, even more flushed, busying herself with the coffee. It was still a bit too hot, and now her tongue was burnt, but at least she could gather her thoughts. This was beyond embarrassing. She’d never be caught dead in clothes like these! They looked good on Anna, of course, but this was definitely not her style. At least no one would see them where they were going…hopefully.

She was saved from having to say anything, however, when Anna cleared her throat, rinsing her mug. “Anyway. Finish up. I’ve nearly got us packed. We leave in five.” Anna flashed a smile and headed out the door. Before Elsa could turn away, Anna was back, grinning ear to ear.

“Oh, and as nice as that outfit is, you’ll be wearing this.” She tossed a heap of material at Elsa, who managed to catch it only because it was lobbed right at her face. “It’s tradition!” She sing-songed as she made her exit a second time.

Elsa, completely confused, and now somewhat worried, set her coffee on the counter, trying to make sense of whatever “this” was. It didn’t take long to unfold, and her already pale face lost the rest of its color. Anna could not be fucking serious…

***

After the initial argument–mostly just protests from Elsa–about the required outfit, the drive went in relative silence. It was only an hour away, Anna insisted, and both were still sleepy. Elsa was no stranger to it, but even this was a bit earlier than she was accustomed. She felt a bit guilty for nodding off (more than once), but Anna didn’t seem to mind, occupying her time singing along softly to the radio. Sometimes not so softly. She was even pretty sure Anna had glanced over occasionally, either tucking stray hair back or giving her hand a squeeze. It both relaxed and excited Elsa.

Before long, Anna nudged Elsa awake with a giddy “we’re here!”

Stretching in her seat, Elsa yawned and rubbed her eyes, blinking as she stared out. It was before sunrise still, but she could just make out the shimmering surface of the lake, along with the bordering trees and peaking mountains. It was breathtaking.

“Just wait until the sun comes up.” Anna grinned, catching Elsa’s obvious gaze at the scene before them. “It’s one of life’s greatest experiences.” Elsa shifted in her seat to grin back, excited for the first time since waking up. “But first, we gotta get set up, and you have to get officially dressed.”

The smile Elsa held slid into a scowl as she flung her door open. “Anna, are you serious? That thing is the most hideous…monstrosity I’ve ever seen, and I’ve looked through your closet!”

“Hey! Need I remind you, you’re wearing my clothes right now!” Anna slid out of her side, slamming the door with a laugh. “And it’s not that bad, plus,–”

“It’s tradition! Yeah, I remember.” Elsa finished, eyes rolling. “This is a really asinine tradition, you know that right? Who even started it? And why do I have to?” Shaking out the garment, she groaned, willing her leg to lift to step into it.

“My grandpa? I dunno. But I do know everyone in my family has worn it their first time. My dad, even Kristoff, though it barely fit him. He was swimming in it, he was so little, if you can believe that. Swimming, ha! Get it?” Anna laughed at her own joke, as she began pulling things out of the back of the truck and setting them near the shoreline.

Elsa only grumbled more, trying to get into the damned thing. It looked like it would rip and fall apart at the wrong tug, and the thought to try crossed her mind more than once. But then Anna would be heartbroken, and she didn’t want that. She could suck it up for at least a little while, as mortifying as this whole ordeal was. She could do it for Anna.

“God, this is horrible…” Elsa slowly moved around towards their belongings, face bright red and covered by her hands, refusing to look at Anna. There was dead silence, as if the bugs themselves had to stop and look before a roar of laughter erupted.

“Elsa! Oh my god, move your hands!” More laughter, and she could tell Anna was getting closer, but she still wouldn’t budge. “Please? Come on…” A warm hand circled her wrist, and she gave in, eyes fixed on their shoes. “You. Look. Adorable!” Anna squealed. Actually squealed. Then arms were being thrown around Elsa, shaking from Anna’s still never-ending giggles. “Okay, just one last thing…don’t hate me, and don’t make that face!”

Anna backed away, and ran over to their stuff, coming back with a fishing pole and holding it out. Elsa numbly took hold of it, a scowl in place. “Okay, now smile! A real smile!” Anna had her phone out in a flash, snapping a picture before Elsa could demand otherwise. “Best looking fish I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen a lot.” Anna winked then stuck out her tongue, promptly tucking the phone away. “Kristoff is going to love that.”

“I hate you. Why did I even agree to this excursion?” Elsa pouted, trying to swing the fishing pole at Anna, which she easily avoided.

“First off, you don’t hate me. Second, in all our years of friendship, it had somehow escaped me that we’d never gone fishing together! So, might as well fix that.”

“I’ve never been, at all. You know that.”

“Even better then.” Anna looked her over again in the absurd fish costume, the goofiest, yet sweetest grin plastered on her face.

Try as she might, Elsa couldn’t stay mad, not really. She loved doing things with Anna, even if it was totally out of her comfort zone. Of course, she always found a way to repay the favor, with Anna always agreeing, no matter how uninteresting she proclaimed the event to be. They had a near perfect friendship, if sadly that was all it was…

“Whatever. Can I take it off now?” Elsa swung the pole again, Anna this time catching it.

“Nope. You have to catch your first fish in it. It’s good luck!” Another cheeky grin, and Elsa clicked her tongue, eyes rolling.

“Fine.”

“Thatta girl.”

***

Fishing was…boring. At least at art galleries or an opera there was something else to do, to see, to be properly entertained. But this? Sure the company couldn’t be beat, but other than that, Elsa found it dreadful.

What was worse, was how dirty it all was. Worms? No. Crickets? Pass. Leeches? Fuck no. The PowerBait wasn’t too bad but smelled awful so Elsa refused to touch it, no matter how pretty it looked. The lures themselves were more manageable, but she nearly stuck her finger, twice, trying to weave it onto the hook. Anna at least kept the teasing to a minimum, and only pretended to complain about doing all the work.

And Anna really did know what she was doing. Elsa was in awe as she watched her bait the hooks, then expertly cast the line, it plunking into the water much further than Elsa’s each time.

Thirty minutes in, and they still hadn’t had any luck, which Anna assured was normal. The key to fishing was patience, but also to enjoy being out in nature, she’d also insisted. Insects buzzing around her head wasn’t exactly ideal to Elsa, but seeing Anna in her element was definitely worth it.

With fresh bait in the water, Anna grabbed Elsa’s arm, pointing. “Here it is!” She turned excitedly to the horizon, then back to Elsa.

The sun was just beginning to peak over the edge of a mountain, the blues and pinks becoming a warmer orange. The dark blue of the lake was now casting a bright reflection, as if the whole landscape was inverting. For the briefest of moments, everything stilled, paying respect to the rising star in the sky.

Elsa brought a hand to her mouth as she took in the splendor. “Oh, Anna…it’s…it’s…have you ever seen anything so beautiful…”

“No, I haven’t.” Out of the corner of her eye, Elsa could see Anna was looking at her and not the sunrise. Her cheeks instantly flushed before she caught herself and gave a mental shake. No, she wouldn’t be thinking that, right? Anna turned away then, gently squeezing her arm. “It’s amazing, I know.”

Another heavy moment passed as the very air seemed to crackle with energy before Elsa’s line gave a hard tug, going taut. The pole nearly flung out of the cradle in her chair, but Anna was able to snag it just in time.

“You caught something! Here! Reel it in, hurry!” Anna thrust the pole into Elsa’s trembling and completely clueless-about-what-to-do hands. Her face must have said as much, as Anna laughed and quickly threw instructions at her.

“Crank it! That’s it! Keep the pole close to your body! Strong wrist! Steady! Keep it going! Don’t let up!” Anna hurried over to her chair to grab the net as she continued to yell out encouragements. “You’ve almost got it! You can do it, Els!”

Elsa was grinning from ear to ear. This was becoming quite the battle, and seeing Anna so enthused gave Elsa all the strength and determination she needed. She wanted to make Anna proud, prove she could do this.

When the fish began flopping out of the shallow water, Anna took ahold of the line and scooped the fish into the net, beaming. Elsa’s smile matched it as she nearly dropped the pole to cheer in accomplishment.

“Your first catch! And it’s a decent sized one, too. Nice work!” Anna pulled the hook from the fish’s mouth and lifted it from the net, holding it out for Elsa. “Picture time!”

“What? No. I am not touching that thing!” Her face screwed into disgust, taking a step back and holding out the pole as some feeble means of defense.

“Elsa, you have to! It’s tradition!” She raised the fish, giving it a wiggle, which in turn caused the fish to jerk, making Elsa shriek and take another step away. “You can take the costume off once you pose with it?” This time Anna’s eyebrows wiggled.

Clutching the pole to her chest, Elsa eyed the fish in disdain. She had never wanted to do anything less in her life. But Anna’s smile wasn’t dimming, and it was now focused solely on her. There was no way she could be the cause of seeing that disappear. Swallowing thickly with a stiff nod, she set the fishing pole down and held out her hands to Anna. “Let’s just get this over with.”

Anna wasted no time in slapping the fish into the awaiting grasp, quickly wiping her hands on her pants and slipping out her phone. “Say cheese!”

“Fuck off.”

Anna cackled as she took the shot, Elsa immediately screaming. The fish began to whip back and forth, Elsa releasing it with a feeble attempt at tossing it towards the water. With a couple of flops, it found its home, swimming off and away to safety.

Elsa turned to Anna, horrified and on the verge of tears. “I’m-I’m sorry! It-it moved! And I panicked!”

Anna rushed forward, wrapping her arms around Elsa, pulling her into a tight hug. “Hey, it’s okay! It’s only a fish. There’s plenty more. Totally not a big deal.” Her lips brushed against Elsa’s temple. “I promise.”

It was only a fish, so why all the dramatics? Elsa knew she was being extreme, but the feel of Anna’s arms around her, and not even for the first time today, now somehow felt different. Maybe she didn’t want to disappoint Anna. Maybe she even wanted to impress her. Well, Elsa was pretty sure she’d failed on both of those attempts.

Letting her arms loosen, Elsa was the first to pull away, though it seemed Anna wasn’t keen on letting her get far. Elsa finally nodded with a slight sniffle. “I’m okay. I don’t know what…that was all about.” She risked a glance at Anna, before adding softly. “Sorry.”

“There’s really nothing to be sorry for.” Anna’s hands moved from their grip on her elbows to hold her face, and somewhere in the back of her mind, Elsa’s brain was cringing at the leftover fish mucus. But the thought was fleeting and barely had time to settle, because Anna was now staring at her lips, and Elsa found she was staring right back at Anna’s.

Their lips met, and Elsa would never really know who had leaned in first. It was soft, and tender, and delicate, and all the cliche things she ever imagined Anna’s lips would be. Even her dreams never held a flame to this wonderful first kiss. They broke apart far too early for her liking, Elsa biting her bottom lip as her nerves began to creep in.

“Whoa…” Anna’s dazed look pulled a smile back to Elsa’s lips, her blush now from something more than the shared kiss. “I had this whole thing planned out for how I was finally going to kiss you today, but I think I like this, too. Maybe even more.” Anna leaned in again, but Elsa pulled back, silencing a needy moan.

“Finally?” Elsa blinked, her smile frozen in place. “Just how long have you wanted to kiss me?”

“Well, I mean, long enough?” Anna’s eyebrows scrunched, as did her nose, then she shook her head with a chuckle. “You’ve obviously been wanting it, too. Don’t make it weird.” A playful smirk took over her features, and this time, Elsa didn’t resist the kiss.

Okay, so maybe fishing wasn’t so bad after all.

[thefudge]

Oh my god, I saw that you reflagged the Salty Ask List and I LOVE reading your rants and your general thoughts on books / television, so of course I needed to send you some of these. 1,22, 7 and 10. Pick whatever fandom you feel like ranting about haha.

haha thank u my lovely

1. What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?

- predictably, i find d*lena a piece of nonsense. and the most mind-boggling thing is that the show, not the fandom, sabotaged this ship. julie & caroline dries supposedly support it but they spent the whoooole of season 5 making damon and elena run circles around each other and yell that they’re toxic and hate what they’ve become (there’s a scene where elena ties him up and stabs him and wishes she could hate him #WHY), it was weird. and it wasn’t like fun, messy weird. if you wanted to convince me of their potential why put them thru this? for drama and ratings?? there are ways to keep romantic interest going without self-destruction. but i’d be remiss if i didn’t mention that their dynamic just leaves me cold, mainly because they’re rarely fun, and they only seem to operate on high drama. like all their “firsts”, from kiss to sex to domestic stuff has been in defiance of others, hurting them for no reason. like, it wasn’t my decision to have domestic!d*elena happen while stefan was repeatedly dying in a safe at the bottom of a lake, so i ask these showrunners why do this if you want to make this your main ship. why. oh i know why, they hate women in general and elena should always be punished for wanting to have sex and be with a dude. 

- i don’t get j*aime/c*ersei. i like my incest just fine, but as a book reader on top of show watcher, i find this ship really dour and depressing. they don’t embody the whole “ride and die” dynamic, cuz cersei is mostly out there for herself and maybe one or two of her kids. if jaime isn’t her faithful copy, she rejects him. idk it bums me out. i don’t see it as compelling stuff.

- s*tucky has to be another huge mystery to me. the story, on its own, is interesting, but the way marvel is framing it should please NO ONE.  the movies DO SO LITTLE WITH IT. the fandom survives on crumbs and calls them a king’s feast, basically letting marvel know it’s all cool. the queerbait is so embarrassing, it strips this ship of all potential. 

- j*ohnlock in the bbc sherlock fandom. turned to shizz.

- c*lace is the dullest thing on shadowhunters. i mean u got incest drama and longing looks and aaangst and it still comes out lifeless and prefabricated. this may be the case where the actors dont have chemistry imo. 

-  zilpha/james. i don’t get at this point why ppl are still interested. incest dynamics aside, this ship is dull as hell. i stanned it HARD. but when half of your otp is literal dead weight, wtff?? zilpha was written for shits and giggles. some talented folks are writing AU for it, but honestly, james aint worthy. 

- harley/joker in suicide squad. bleeeeh. and lame. and so, so tame.

- k*laroline. the fucking tamest. 

- h*inny. the boringest harry potter ship, unless it’s mixed in with some conflicted tom riddle feelings in between.

- fanny/edmund from mansfield park. WHY. i don’t mind that they’re cousins, yall know me, BUT THEY ARE LIKE TWO WOODEN BLOCKS CLACKING TOGETHER SADLY. free fanny price. free her. 

- mindy/danny on TMP. THE WORST. he is the fucking worst. i mean i empathize with his upbringing and i get that becoming a better dude is a constant process, but HE DOESNT EVEN WANT TO TRY. FUCK HIM.

- motherfucking chair from gossip girl. they can choke. bring back dair.

- shoshanna/ray from girls. i’m so glad they didn’t resurrect that. 

- i have more but i’m running a blank at the moment. 

7. Is there anything you used to like but can’t stand now?

- i used to like taboo, i used to like sherlock bbc, i used to dig tvd in its heyday.  hmmm i used to like daenerys, until i read the books and the show put the final nail in that coffin. i used to like gabriel garcia marquez until i kinda tried to reread some of his stuff and maaan, that shit doesn’t age that well, actually

10. Most disliked arc? Why?

- that bullshit slave narrative on taboo. bonnie bennett’s arc in seasons 4-5. sansa’s butchered storyline on the show. matter of fact, ALL Got characters’ arcs. that storyline in gilmore girls where rory gets drunk and sleeps on the bathroom floor cuz logan didn’t call her. eeesh. i like that ship now but its beginnings were tumultuous at best. 

22. Popular character you hate?

barry fucking allen. yall heard me. john watson in the bbc version cuz he’s a fucking cunt. that downer girl from sense8, riley something. look i get it man, tragedy. you lost your daughter. but you’re suuuuch a downer. that asshole girl from 13 reasons why. haven’t even watched it and i know i’ll hate her. ha.