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#it's like when the shop button had that eternal 'new!' bubble
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someone appears to have sent me a tumblr chat message and then (I can only assume) immediately blocked me, because for THREE DAYS I've had a little "1 new message!" bubble but there is NO NEW MESSAGE.
It is driving me fucking insane. I just want to see the chat message. I just want to be able to mark it read. Is this what you wanted, random person? IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED????
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bangtanshomura · 3 years
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PINK | 1/? | pjm
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summary: A neighbor as pink and hopelessly romantic as you and an equally pink neighbor like Jimin (but without a thing or two in common), sounds almost perfect together, right?. The only problem? That you are madly in love with him but his tonalities are very different from yours.
pairing: park jimin x female reader.
genre: fluff, angst, (maybe in the future a little of smut? not so sure).
word count: 1139.
warning: unrequited love, pinning, so much embarrassment, a looooot of pink hehe, hurt, some mxm with ot7, you know...it happens sometimes.
Pink, it was love at first sight.
“Running late, neighbor?”
“It’s kind of my thing, you know?” You are in the middle of a battle with your keys, asking to all the god’s above, why the fuck you must make a clown of yourself in front of the most beautiful, smart, hot and cocky human being in planet earth? Aka the love of your life, aka the future father of your two children, aka Park Jimin.
“Oh, I do know” The little giggle that comes out of his mouth is enough to have you all flustrated. ”Any plans tonight? Are your friends coming over?” Jimin takes your purse from your hands and hangs it naturally on his shoulder following you in the hallway that leads to the elevator of your building.
“I like to think that they’re not, but that’s really ambitious from my part, right?” While you press the button that will take you to the lobby, Jimin shakes his head with an amused smile in his face.
“I think so, they’ll come no matter what you do. Talking about friends” He makes a pause looking at you and then to himself in the mirror that covers the wall of the up and down thing, styling his hair. “I was kind of wondering if you would like to come with me to The Taehyung Biggest Lifetime Event?”
Oh, boy. What a simple way to put your heart into a nearly colapse.
You’ll see “The Taehyung Biggest Lifetime Event” it's the name that your incredible mutual friend -Tae- put to his first art exhibition. And in fact, it is a big thing, an important memory if you think about all the photos that will be taken in the near future and obviously posted in social media, where everybody can see them and never erase them. And of course, because of the beautiful art that your dear friend creates.
But...the posibilities.
Jimin with a hand wrapped around your waist smiling to the camara with love in his eyes.
No, no, better.
Jimin with a hand wrapped around your waist smiling while looking at your face with adoration.
Oh, that one sounds so much better. It would be the kind of photo that would make girls run away from his Instagram. And with a bit of good luck, from his life too.
“Y/n? Are you there?”
“Uh? Yeah, yeah. I am” The devilish smirk Jimin gives you is proof enough for you that he knows or at least imagines what kind of thoughts crossed your mind.
You blush in a very embarrasing way and his smirks transforms into something more.
Sometimes luck it’s a good samaritan, because the moment he opens his mouth to say something, the sound of the elevator arriving to the lobby makes it’s appearance.
"Saved by the bell, pink angel" Jimin throws a wink to your way leaving you with a tomato red face and a beating heart threatening to burst out of your chest.
"Park Jimin, are you flirting with me?"
"You wish, baby!"
I do.
The beautiful sound of his bubbly laugh invades the lobby and you run to reach his side but he is faster than you, so your paceful morning routine with your eternal crush turns into a chase through the streets.
______
|Jiminie: How's work, pink?
|Y/n: As good as ever, you boring?
|Jiminie: You know I am, Yoongi doesn't get any funnier.
|Y/n: Hey!, I like Yoongi's dry sense of humor.
|Jiminie: You love to make me jealous, don't you?
You can't help the enamoured giggle that comes out of you.
Re-reading the last message, you inhale a preoccupying amount of air and text him back.
|Y/n: Sorry, sometimes I forget your prise kink.
|Jimin: Im worried about how this conversation turned around my kinks, but yeah, don't let yourself forget that I love to be loved ;)
Even if the message is suggestive, you let your shoulders drop in a defeating manner.
I wish it said by you.
I love to ve loved by you.
All these messages, the pet names, the flirting and the big amount of time that you spend together doesn't mean the same to Jimin as it does to you.
Ever since you two cross paths in the hallway of your building, you knew you were so fucked up.
You met Jimin two year ago.
Your best friend Namjoon was helping you taking your big and heavy boxes to your new departament in the third floor, between jokes about his boyfriend fighting with him for his tendency to break everything that comes across his way, when you saw the most beautiful thing that your twenty two years old eyes had ever seen.
It was like an angel with what it had to be the tightest pair of black jeans in the whole world and the fluffiest pink sweater ever.
"Oh" He stoped in his tracks and intercalate his curious gaze between Namjoon and you, apparently taking a chance for your tall friend. "New neighbor?"
Namjoon saw you out of the corner of his eye watching how your eyes went all big and sparkling by the sight of the boy.
So he smiled amusedly at the blonde haired angel in front of you.
"It's because of the pink mixer, right?" The little -most definitely taller than you- blonde boy, blushed so much that for a moment you thought smoke would come out of his ears. "Don't get me wrong, I do love that color as any sane person. But, unfortunately, im not the new addition to your building. It's this pretty little pink thing here".
"Pink, uh?" You were indeed a very, very pink and pretty thing. He scaned you from head to toe -from your pastel green crop top, to your baby pink cargo's and your also baby pink military boots- and conclude that, that innocence could be the death of him if he ever let you in.
"Y/n" You blurted out your name so fast that Namjoon almost choked trying to hold back his laughter. You give him a warning glare and returned your embarrased gaze to Jimin. "My name is y/n"
At that precise moment you experienced one of the most radical changes ever seen. The turn upwards his lips took, had sufficient evidence to be considered illegal. "Im Jimin, Park Jimin".
The sound of another incoming message took you out of your thoughts, forcing you to look around the flower shop to verify that there were no clients waiting patiently for your attention while you remembered the first meeting with which you are sure is the love of your life.
|Jiminie: Pink? Maybe you are a little busy, but guess who got another coffe for free today?
|Jiminie: That's right, baby, meee!. Should I invite a drink once and for all to the barista across the street?.
Or maybe not.
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a/n:
Hey! My name is Alex and this is the first fic I have published on Tumblr or anywhere, ever. So, uhm , please be patient with me. English is not my mother language, so Im trying to do my best to write it correctly.Any questions, complaints or suggestions will be accepted (as long as it is in a respectful way. Im a crybaby please don’t be too harsh with me).
I hope you enjoy it and please tell me your opinion. I am planning to do it in two or three parts, I don't want this first fic to be so long so you don’t get bored.
Enjoy!^^
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End of the Tunnel: XI
Description: It’s almost been a year since Freed Weasley was lost to the Battle of Hogwarts, and for George Weasley it might as well be an eternity. He is lost in the dark, no color to be found. Until suddenly there might be a light at the end of the tunnel.
Warnings: a lil angst, fluff, language, and quick batch of public smut
MASTERLIST
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It took them both a few days to fall back into the comfortable pattern they had once had.
George gained the habit of staring guiltily across the dinnertable while she sipped her tea. He softly flinched every time she touched him, apologizing when he eyes widened and lips parted to form her own apology. And while he longed to hold her in his sleep, he couldn’t bring himself to pull her into his arms without feeling like an imposter.
Hannah was fairing no better. While reading the paper she would glance at George, if only to check that he wasn’t glaring at her. She jumped whenever he walked into the room, worried that the accusations would soon follow. Every time she considered doing something nice she fretted, worried that he would look and see an off brand Fred wandering around their kitchen. And god, she wished he would hold her in his sleep, it was so terribly difficult to sleep without his arms holding her tight.
It had been a week since Hannah had come home, and they were eating dinner. She was trying to read the paper, but the feeling of George’s guilty eyes left her illiterate. Finally, in exhaustion, she slammed the paper down on the table and marched into the bathroom. She was going to fix this, she had to fix this, or damn it she was going to go crazy. After a quick pep talk that mostly involved deep breaths between each wave of panic, she returned to the kitchen.
“George, we’re going out.”
“What?”
“I’m not kidding, we’re going to go out, meet friends, and get absolutely plastered. I don’t care who you invite, but we’re going out before one of us explodes.”
“Hannah, I don’t-.”
“Tell me going nowhere but work and here have not driven you crazy, and we won’t. Tell me that the tension in this room isn’t killing you, and we won’t.” She tapped her foot on the floor as she waited for his response, and the grin she had missed so much spread across his face.
“Only if you wear the black dress.” She grinned and practically leaped over the table as she hugged him, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips before dashing towards the bathroom to get ready. With a smile that almost felt foreign he pulled out a pair of clean pants and shirt before ringing up Ron and Hermione.
To say Ron was surprised was an understatement but they quickly agreed.
“Draco will probably be there,” George warned and there was a pause on the other end of the line. He could hear hushed whispers on the other end of the line, most likely a small argument between Ron and Hermione.
“I’ll behave,” he said before pausing, surely waiting for Hermione to leave before adding, “as long as he does.” George chuckled and promised he would, praying that he was right. He hung up after telling Ron to meet them out front of the shop in half an hour.
“Mind if I use the phone, handsome?” came a soft purr from behind him, and when he turned, he remembered why he liked that dress so much. He kissed her before handing her the landline. “I want to invite Draco and Sloane, if that’s okay?”
“You said invite friends.” She grinned before dialing the phone.
“Hey, Sloane?” she began, pausing as her friend rattled on, full of bubbly excitement, “Yeah, yeah of course. Hey, get ready for a night out, grab Draco, and meet us outside George’s store in half an hour.” George could hear the squeal from where he was standing a few feet away. Hannah held the phone away from ear as she said goodbye, hanging up as the squeals ended. George leaned against the kitchen table, watching as Hannah practically burst with excitement. She stared at him for a moment before shuffling closer with a sly grin.
“What?” he asked but she didn’t say anything, only moved closer until she was positioned between his legs. She blinked innocently before guiding his lips down to hers with a gentle hand. He melted into her touch, hands reaching down to pull her closer. His fingers slid beneath the hem of her little, black dress. She grinned; biting is lip softly before pulling away.
“We should go,” she whispered, and he sent her a playful glare.
“So that’s your game?” he asked with a laugh and she shrugged, looking as innocent as the day she was born.
“Shall we?” she asked, offering her arm. He took it and with a resounding crack they arrived in front of Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes.
Ron and Hermione were already there, locking up just as they arrived. Hannah unlatched herself from George and instantly began gushing over Hermione’s dress. It was a beautiful purple, and while it only sat an inch above her knee, its tight fit still managed to make her look absolutely sensual. She had straightened her hair, and Hannah couldn’t help but notice Ron’s inability to take his eyes off his beloved girlfriend.
No, it seemed she was something more, something that came with a shiny diamond ring.
“You’re engaged!” Hannah squealed, grasping Hermione’s hand with uncontained excitement. George glanced at Ron in surprise, who only shrugged. “Since when?”
“A couple weeks ago,” Hermione admitted, and Hannah faltered, the grin on her face dropping as she realized.
“Oh dear, we didn’t. I’m so sorry,” she muttered. Her own lovers spat had gotten in the way of such happy news, but Hermione wasn’t hearing any of her guilt.
“Hannah, I would much rather share it now that we can all be happy,” she promised, taking Hannah’s hands within her own and smiling. Hannah bit her lip, not quite sure how to proceed. Much to her relief, a loud crack interrupted her worries. Sloane and Draco arrived, arm in arm, and Sloane, ever the reporter, noticed the brilliant diamond right away.
“Engaged?” she squealed, and Hermione nodded, a little surprised at this stranger’s excitement.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Hannah laughed, “Hermione, this is Sloane Richards, a dear friend of mine. Sloane, this Hermione Granger.”
“Oh, I think I’ve read your articles,” Hermione admitted, “I appreciate your attention to facts.” But Sloane was too busy vibrating with excitement.
“You’re the Hermione Granger, as in war hero, brightest witch of your age, punched Draco Malfoy in the nose, Hermione Granger,” Hermione giggled at the last of the accomplishments and Sloane beamed before glancing from Hermione to Ron who was standing awkwardly beside George. “And you’re Ron Weasley, my god Hannah, you didn’t tell me celebrities were going to be here, I would have dressed up more.”
“You look beautiful,” Draco said before possessively taking her by the waist.
“He flatters me,” she laughed throwing an arm around his shoulders, “But on a more serious note, I need a drink, the Prophet has laid permanent residence inside my ass.” Ron choked and Hermione blushed at her statement, but the rest nodded in agreement.
“There’s a bar next door,” George offered, and they all nodded in agreement before walking the few feet down the pavement. The girls instantly grouped up, gossiping about something or another while the boys were left in the back, awkwardly watching their girlfriends.
The bar was dimly lit with soft purple lightbulbs. Sloane quickly offered to by the drinks before dragging Draco with her towards the bar.
“Well, she’s a lively one,” Ron chuckled, narrowly avoiding Hermione’s elbow, “I’m just saying.”
“I think she’s lovely, from the rumors I’ve heard around the office she’s who you want if the Prophet’s going to interview you. Sticks to the facts, absolutely thrashes anyone who dares to report false information.”
“Oh come off it, you just like her because she’s the one who got Rita Skeeter sacked,” Ron drawled and Hermione blushed. Hannah sidled into George’s side as she watched the fiancés bicker across the table.
Sloane and Draco returned with six bottles of the bars strongest fire whiskey, and it wasn’t before long when they were as thrashed as they had intended. All six were howling with drunken laughter as George told a story about Ron when he had first developed a crush on Hermione.
“He practiced in front of the mirror for months, months I’m telling you!”
“She’s a frightening woman,” Ron defended through hysterics, which only made the rest of the group laugh harder. “Not that it matters, I got her, and you’re all invited to the wedding,” he announced.
Laughter continued to reigned at their little table, and it wasn’t until Sloane and Draco had disappeared for a solid ten minutes when Ron noticed they were missing. “Where’d those two go?” he asked, causing Hannah and Hermione to burst into laughter.
“They’re in the bathroom,” Hannah whispered through giggles and Ron scrunched up his nose.
“They’re completely unhinged,” he said, causing the group to burst into laughter once more.
“I wouldn’t mind doing that,” George whispered into Hannah’s ear, relishing in the sight of the blush that crept up her cheeks. She snuggled closer into his arm with a grin. She was going to respond before she noticed Ron earning a playful slap for making the same suggestion. Hermione was still dying of laughter, but it was clear she was not shagging in some dirty bathroom.
When Sloane and Draco returned, both significantly more ruffled than when they had left, George let out a whistle. Sloane bowed and Draco smirked, still buttoning his shirt. Draco ordered their fifth round of drinks and they downed them with ease. The laughter continued for another half an hour when Hermione suddenly stood, announcing she had to use the loo, asking Hannah and Sloane if they’d like to join her. They all stood and Ron, in his drunken stupor began to protest.
“Sloane, if you shag my girlfriend I’ll have to fight you,” he yelled, sending the girls away giggling. He dropped back into his seat and shook his head as he took another swig of Fire whiskey.
George wasn’t sure if Ron was worried or not.
“Hey, listen Draco,” Ron slurred, his mind quickly falling away from bathroom shenanigans. “I’m sorry about the gala, sometimes I’m just a bigoted fuck,” he announced, and Draco shifted uncomfortably. “I mean, we’ve all been there, judging for family, but damn, I think I just wanted to punch you.” He got a laugh out of that.
“Well, you succeeded,” Draco responded coolly, and George nudged him, silently begging for Hannah’s sake that he would accept the apology. “It’s behind me, let bygones be bygones.” It seemed he had read George’s mind. The boys settled into drunk silence. Draco and George chuckling when Ron tipped forward and began snoring.
The girls returned from the bathroom, laughing at Ron’s snores as they settled back into their chairs. Pleasant conversation continued around the sleeping lump, but it wasn’t long before the rest began to feel the lethargic effects of the liquor.
Quickly paying their tab, the couples stepped into the street. Ron and Hermione walked down the street, laughing all the way as Ron kept trying to grab Hermione’s ass, while singing drinking songs he had learned from one of his older brothers. Sloane and Draco were even handsier, hands never leaving the other as they waved a slurred goodbye and apparating back home. George offered his hand to Hannah, glancing at her when she didn’t take it.
“Were you serious about that bathroom?” she whispered nervously, and he nodded, grinning all the while. Suddenly, with a grin to match his she dragged him back inside and towards the bathroom. He locked the door behind them, setting her on the sink as he slid her dress to her waist. She fiddled with his belt before tossing it to the floor and unbuttoning his pants.
A knock on the door froze them both as they tried to silence their laughter. The handle jiggled before the person disappeared, and then they were jumping each other once more. He slid into her, thumbing the sensitive bud that resided above her entrance. She covered her mouth as she tried to silence her moans, but it wasn’t doing much. She leaned back into the grimy mirror, reaching for anything to steady her as he thrust into her.
“Fuck,” he growled in pleasure and frustration. It was the first time they had had sex in weeks, and he was already close. He tried to hold off, think of anything to keep his release away, but it was an exercise in futility. She was too warm, too soft, and too inviting. The rhythm of his hips stuttered, and she was crying out, nails digging into his shoulders as she came. He followed quickly after, grateful for the release.
They pressed sweaty foreheads together as they giggled, ignoring the annoyed demands to be let into the restroom.
“I think he wants to get in,” she whispered breathlessly.
“He’s awfully impatient, isn’t he?”
“Yes, he is.”
“I think we’ll leave it locked,” George said with a grin before apparating them back to his apartment.
“George!” She playfully slapped him, and George shrugged.
“He’s a wizard, he’ll figure it out.” She laughed before yanking him towards the bed and crashing into the covers for round two, and as many rounds as it took to make up for lost time.
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Virtuoso - A MYG Story
CHAPTER ONE
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ONE
"We've decided to transfer you to the Chattanooga store."
My manager's words felt like a bad breakup. I felt my heart sink in my chest. This transfer, though unexpected and utterly terrifying, was going to be a huge leap in my career.
The music company I worked for was a small, but very well-respected chain in the tri-state area. I was proud to hold a position there, hosting field trips for elementary-aged children, and helping students demo instruments to find the perfect one. It was a rewarding job that I looked forward to every day, and I was eternally grateful for the opportunity. This transfer would have me leading the new field trip program that the company was getting ready to roll out at the other store.
I had worked at Bangtan Band Box, or BB's as the locals called it, for nearly four years. It was a great place to work, and I had watched business really take off over the time I'd been there. Thanks to a recent year-long renovation project at the store, all of the studios were now equipped with gorgeous new digital pianos and state-of-the-art soundproof walls. Everyone was thrilled with the way it turned out. We even had a grand re-opening block party. Of course, without fail, there was always at least one person who still had a complaint about something.
"The sound on these things just isn't the same. The keys don't feel right. It's not a piano..."
Ninety-two year old Jane Young was the sweetest little lady I had ever met. She was probably the only person at this store whose complaints didn't annoy me. We had grown incredibly close over the past few years I'd worked there. She was a sort of relic, being the very first ever piano teacher to teach lessons at BB's original location. Mrs. Young was the childhood piano teacher of the company CEO, and he had insisted on bringing her onboard when he opened up shop over thirty years ago.
"Jane, I completely understand where you're coming from," I said, reaching out to place my hand over hers on the counter, "They really don't feel the same as acoustic pianos, but admittedly they are pretty nice. At least we'll save a few thousand dollars a year on tuning. And I suppose all we can do at this point is just make the best of it, right?" I smiled, hoping to pull her out of her funk. Jane had been through so much over the years, spending nearly every day of the past three decades in this place, and she was not keen on all the sudden changes.
"You really are wise beyond your years, Faye. I suppose I could at least appreciate the new carpet. That iced tea stain from three years ago will certainly not be missed." she chuckled.
There's the Jane I was hoping to see today,  especially  today. Should I tell her? No, not yet.
The Following Monday
"Faye! How've you been?" Jin flashed his familiar warm smile and casually held up a hand in a lazy wave. He was always so soft spoken, but still cracking quiet jokes that had you in stitches. He'd worked at the Chattanooga BB's for a few years and we'd known each other from district meetings. He was still fairly new to being an assistant manager, but seemed to be pretty comfortable in his position.
"A bit nervous about the sudden change, but I'm looking forward to working with you. Glad that you're here on my first day. Makes it a lot easier, that's for sure." I sighed. Despite years of auditions and stressful interviews in my music career, meeting new people was still sometimes a bit stressful for me.
DING!
This store had a very loud door chime, entirely different from the one at my previous store. It was jarring, making me jump. Jin let out a louder laugh than I had ever heard come from him. I suppose being in his own store, he probably felt more at-ease than when he was attending the stuffy district meetings. It was nice to hear him laugh so genuinely.
"Didn't you guys have a bell like that at your store?" he asked, setting down his keys next to the register and taking off his coat.
"Nope. And I startle easily, so this will take some getting used to I bet."
"Hey man!" I heard a booming, but cheerful-sounding voice from somewhere over my shoulder. I turned to see a beautiful man with warm, honey skin walking towards me, his dusty blue sweater and light blue jeans accentuating his perfect tan. He had just walked in through the front door and was sweeping his wind-blown golden brown hair out of his eyes. He had a guitar case slung over his shoulder, covered in happy stickers - rainbow flowers, smiley faces, Korean hearts, and the words HOPE WORLD in big, bubbled letters across the center of the case lid.
He must be a teacher here.
"Hope! Hey, this is our new transfer, Faye Jansen. She just moved here from the Woodland Hills store. Faye, this is Hope." Jin said as he motioned towards the statuesque man in blue who was now standing face to face with me at the counter. Hope flashed me a huge, toothy smile as he carefully dropped his guitar case to the floor next to him and extended his hand to shake mine.
"Pleasure to meet you, Faye. What a nice surprise!" he smiled and squeezed my hand gently, "You can call me Hobi."
Why do I feel a little flustered? Is it warm in here or...?
Nevermind.
"Y-yes. Thank you. The pleasure is all mine. It is wonderful to meet you, Hobi. What instrument do you teach?" I asked, trying to turn the attention away from myself. I had seen the guitar case, so he was obviously a guitar instructor, but I was too flustered to think straight. I wasn't normally shy around anyone, but he was strikingly handsome, in a way I had not seen in real life before, so I almost needed a moment to catch my breath.
He seemed to notice that I was feeling a little flustered, glanced down at the guitar case then back up at me and smiled, seeming a little amused.
"Guitar. I assume you play something as well?" he asked, his fingers fidgeting with the strap of the clear plastic messenger bag slung over his shoulder.
"I studied classical voice in college, but I also play oboe and piano. I did all the demos for the field trips at the Woodland Hills BB's." I was proud of what I did, but I wasn't trying to sound too proud. Musicians can take perceived cockiness to be a huge turn-off.
"Ah, wind instruments. I envy that. I could never get past my initial few trumpet lessons as a kid. I thought I was going to pop a blood vessel in my face!" he laughed, "So instead I break old peoples' hips."
"Oh yeah?" I laughed, "That sounds terrible. Care to elaborate on that?"
"A group of us here have a jazz ensemble. We play shows every Thursday and Saturday. The older folks love to get up and dance. Let's just say that sometimes they dance themselves right into needing a wheelchair the next day. Anyway, we get pretty decent paying gigs at The Yeontan Lounge, playing all the old jazz standards. You should join us sometime. We love having other artists step in. Speaking of, Jin will you be at practice tonight?" Hobi said, suddenly turning towards Jin.
"You're in the ensemble too, Jin? That's amazing. What do you play?" I asked, excited to hear more about the group, and especially excited to hear them play.
"Upright bass. You should sing with us tonight, Faye. I heard you sing karaoke at the company party a few years ago. You sounded great. Are you still performing these days?" Jin asked.
"I haven't performed in quite a few months, but I'm sure I can manage a casual jam session tonight. What song should I prepare for you?" I asked, my disciplined mind already scrambling to come up with the perfect piece for my vocal range.
"Why don't you sing At Last by Etta James? That's a classic. Can't go wrong there." Jin suggested, glancing over at Hope for approval.
Hobi stuck out his lower lip and nodded, raising his eyebrows. He seemed pleased at the song suggestion.
"Hearing a classical singer take on At Last is going to be something special, I bet. Looking forward to it," he said. "See you tonight."
"Likewise," I said, watching him walk towards the hall of studios.
DING!
There's that goddamn door chime again.
Startled at the sound, I clumsily dropped the pen I had been holding against my notebook, and it loudly clinked on the glass countertop.
As I reached to pick it up, embarrassed at my unintended slapstick routine, out of the corner of my eye, I could see someone walking in my direction from the front door.
I looked up, and it was as if time slowed to a crawl. My eyes met the gaze of a tall, slender man with shaggy black hair and smooth, porcelain skin, wearing a button-up denim jacket, skinny jeans, and converse - all black. He didn't stop walking, but our eyes locked until he was out of view.
Instantly, I felt this surge of electricity throughout my body, as if he physically touched me when he walked past me. It was strange... and exhilarating. His deep chocolate eyes had so much fire behind them, they burned straight into my soul.
I had to know his name.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Thank you for reading the first chapter of my book! I'll be updating every Sunday at the very least, but hopefully more frequently than that.
Looking forward to your feedback and suggestions!
This first chapter is dedicated to the lovely 0o_pervy_noona_oO who started me on my Bangtan ff addiction, and inspired me to write my own.
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got7-poetry · 5 years
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Eternity
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Pairing: Bambam X Jungkook
Genre: Fluff, Angst, Smut
Word count: 7,615
Summary: Jungkook meets the most stunning looking man he has ever seen and falls for him, hard.
Warnings: Oral sex, anal sex, anal fingering, starvation, sleep deprivation, lots of crying, unnecessary amounts of love, attempt at some amount of humour
[a/n]: This is my first ever GOT7 fic so please be kind :) I have a BTS blog as well that you can check out, this fic is also posted there: @bts-poetry. I hope you enjoy it!
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The rows of colourful, flashy clothing in front of Jungkook did little to ease his tension. Jungkook hated shopping for clothes that weren't cargo pants and oversized t shirts, all in black, of course. But his best friend had decided to host a big party to let idols mingle and get to know eachother and he insisted that Jungkook also come, even though he really didn't want to.
Being such a fancy event, he realised he didn't have anything appropriate for the setting and went out to a luxury mall is Seoul that idols like him visited often. He stepped inside the first store that looked appealing, not that he cared about the price of anything, being one of few people his age who held a black card. The racks of jackets and shirts covered in sequins and glitter left him dazed.
He picked one shirt in a deep red colour that looked moderately sober along with a pair of plain black pants and a black embroidered blazer and was heading for the changing rooms when a man clad in the most outrageous outfit Jungkook had ever seen, stepped out.
The man in question wore a black suit covered in gold crystal work and black skinny jeans along with white heeled boots and a thick Cuban link chain around his neck. His silver blond hair was styled perfectly, as if he was to step on to a runway immediately. He twirled around, checking his outfit out in a mirror nearby as the shop staff complimented his choice.
Jungkook was shocked to say the least. He had never seen a man as beautiful as the one in front of him. He knew that the man was probably a model or something but he was so incredibly captivating that Jungkook couldn't help but stare. It was when one of the staff told him that the dressing room was free, that he snapped out of his trance and hurried away.
The outfit fit Jungkook well, he had to admit, the pants defining his storing thighs nicely. He stepped out of the room to look in one of the big mirrors when he heard someone clapping. Jungkook turned around to see the man from before sitting on one of the couches that was scattered around the store. He was holding a glass of champagne in one hand, courtesy of the staff with one leg folded over the other.
"That blazer looks nice on you" The silver haired man commented. He stood up and made his was towards Jungkook and pulled on the lapels of his blazer, smoothing them in place. He walked away for a moment before returning with a pair of Louboutins and Jungkook wordlessly put them on. While he was tying the laces, the man got him a simple chain with a pendant made up of two snakes and fastened it around his neck.
"What do you think?" The man asked, standing behind Jungkook as he stared at himself in the mirror. The few odd corrections that the man made including fixing his collar and getting him a new belt really brought the look together.
"It looks great, thank you.." Jungkook trailed off. He realised he didn't even know the name of the man in front of him.
"I'm Bambam, nice to meet you" The man offered his hand which Jungkook accepted. He knew he had heard the name somewhere and took a moment to recall it.
"You're the rapper from GOT7, right? I'm Jungkook, the pleasure's all mine" He said with a small smile. Bambam nodded, affirming his suspicions and confirming that he was in fact the famous Thai rapper who had taken over the K-pop industry with his charming personality and stunning looks.
"I saw you staring earlier. See anything you like?" Bambam winked and twirled around once more, showing off his outfit. Jungkook felt his throat go dry suddenly as he admired the sliver of Bambam's exposed chest that he saw due to the lack of shirt material to cover that position of his body.
"I've never been a person who dresses super flashily so I was just surprised when I saw you in that jacket" Jungkook muttered, scratching the back of his neck. Bambam gasped, feigning offence.
"Are you calling me flashy?" He questioned Jungkook who didn't know how to reply. He didn't mean to offend Bambam, the words just came out wrong. The confused expression on Jungkook's face made Bambam chuckle.
"I'm just kidding, I'm well aware that I'm flashy but I like to think of it as being 'extra'" Bambam replied before turning his wrist to check his watch.
"I'm so sorry, I have a meeting to attend in half an hour and I need to bill all this stuff so I'll see you around?" Bambam didn't want for a reply before rushing off, leaving Jungkook in a mix of emotions. No man had ever taken Jungkook's breath away like this. He was quite the talker and loved flirting with hot men and women. People were usually intimated by his aura. Bambam on the other hand seemed completely unbothered by it.
After paying for all the clothes, Jungkook headed home, his mind still stuck on the silver haired man and his beautiful voice. He thought of Bambam's plump lips and definitely hoped to see him around. Jungkook looked him up that night and listened to a few songs of his. Not only was Bambam incredibly good looking, he was a really good musician too.
A week later, Jungkook found himself surrounded by friends and strangers at the party he had been dreading to go to. He was sipping on his third champagne of the night and couldn't wait for it all to get over. Taehyung, his band mate and best friend dragged him to meet some friends an Jungkook was forced to oblige.
"Hey guys, this is Jungkook, my best friend and out golden maknae" He introduced Jungkook to a tall man with a light tan and two moles on his eye. Jungkook bowed to greet the man who introduced himself as JB.
"Yugyeom! Go call Bam and Youngjae" JB shouted to a guy who looked about Jungkook's age but was incredibly tall and fair. He returned with two other men, one of whom looked familiar to Jungkook. Bambam smirked at Jungkook as JB introduced them to one another.
"Jungkook, this is Bambam, Yugyeom and Youngjae. Three of you, this is Jungkook" He said before stepping away to let the four of them to get to know each other. Jungkook found out he had a lot in common with Yugyeom. Aside from being the maknaes, both of them shared a love for traditional Korean food and bowling.
Youngjae was a fun and bubbly guy. His laugh was absolutely contagious and Jungkook couldn't help but laugh along to the bad jokes that he made. Bambam stayed oddly quiet during the whole conversation till Yugyeom and Youngjae were called away by Shownu of MONSTA X for a photo.
"Not going to say anything to me, are you?" Bambam asked. Jungkook didn't know what to say for the millionth time. He never knew what to say around Bambam and he had only met the man twice.
"Dance with me?" Bambam offered and Jungkook just nodded dumbly. Bambam turned around to let his back rest against Jungkook's chest before placing his hands on his waist. They both danced to the beat, Bambam more confident than Jungkook as he sang off key to the songs being played.
Jungkook's hands stayed put exactly where Bambam placed them, making the silver haired man annoyed. He turned around to look Jungkook in the eye.
"Are you interested or is it just me?" Bambam asked frankly and Jungkook's brain short-circuited. His mouth opened but no words came out and Bambam looked at the man, defeated, before walking away.
It took Jungkook a few minutes to process what happened but he chased after Bambam the moment he did. He looked for the shorter man everywhere but he seemed to have gone missing. Feeling disheartened, Jungkook made his way to the roof of the building to catch some fresh air.
When he reached their, he spotted a familiar gold jacket. Bambam was sitting alone, staring at the night sky. Jungkook quietly sat down next to him and placed his hand over the other's hand.
"I'm sorry I'm not good with words. I've just never seen someone as stunning as you and you just take my breath away. Yes, I'm interested. I would love to get to know you" Jungkook said, refusing to look Bambam in the eyes.
"You're such an idiot" Bambam said before holding Jungkook's face in his hands and crashing their lips together. Jungkook froze for a second but he wasn't going to mess up again and kissed back with fervour. The made out for god-knows-how-long before calling it a night. Jungkook dropped Bambam back to his place since his band mates had already left.
"You're picking me up at 7pm tomorrow" Bambam said as he stepped out of the car.
"I am?" Jungkook questioned. They hadn't spoken of going out on a date but apparently Bambam had decided of his own that they are.
Jungkook made sure to finish his entire schedule by six the next day and rushed back to the dorms to get ready. He spent half his time deciding whag to wear and settled on a pair of jeans, a button up and a bomber jacket all in black.
He quickly fixed his hair and put on some of his favourite perfume before searching for his favourite earrings and putting them on. A little bit of foundation and eyeshadow later, he threw on his black Balenciaga's and ran out the front door.
He reached Bambam's building by 6:55 and waited for him to come down. At dot seven, the man in question emerged and Jungkook's jaw dropped. Bambam wore a black t shirt with skinny jeans, silver heeled boots, a white, brown and blue bomber jacket and a pair of tinted sunglasses. Layers of chains dangled around his slim neck. His hair was styled perfectly and not a single strand of hair was out of place. He smiled at Jungkook as he opened the door of the car and sat down next to him.
"Is there something on my face?" Bambam asked, a smug smile on his face. The question made Jungkook realise that he was staring. He just shook his head, too shy to speak. Bambam looked annoyed at the lack of a reply.
"Will you keep quiet the entire time? I'd much rather go on a date with a bottle of wine if that's the case. At least that would be more interesting" Bambam said with a sad chuckle.
"You can't blame me for not being able to say anything because it's your fault. You need to stop being so perfect for a few minutes for my brain to make cohesive sentences unless you enjoy watching me make a fool of myself" Bambam burst out laughing and that caused a light blush to coat Jungkook's cheeks.
Dinner was a lot of fun. The boys went to a fine dining restaurant and ordered fancy food that was really expensive and not that tasty. After having eaten almost no food and having spent a lot of money, Jungkook suggested to head to a local ramyun shop where they ended up feasting on some cheap kimchi ramyun and two bottles of soju.
"I've never had a date like that. I'm telling you that ramyun place is a hundred times better than the stupid restaurant" Both of them were tipsy but neither was drunk. The liquid courage allowed Jungkook to open up a bit in front of Bambam
"I decided to take you there cause you look like someone why likes to be wine and dined. I'm never taking you out for dinner again, we'll just ordered take out and watch movies" Jungkook muttered making Bambam laugh.
Jungkook could swear on his life that he had never heard anything as beautiful as the silver haired boy's laugh. He had heard some of the best singers in the world thanks to his profession but the way he felt butterflies in his stomach at the sound was surreal.
"I love the gesture but make sure to read the Yelp review before taking me out next time. Also take out and movies sounds better to me. How about we do that tomorrow?" Bambam suggested.
"Calm down, I've literally known you for three days and you're already sounding desperate, geez" Jungkook joked. Deep down he knew that he was just as desperate to meet Bambam. He wanted to see that man everyday of his life. Jungkook had never felt so special in his life the way he did with Bambam.
"Hey, don't lie, you also want to see me. You make me laugh and you're unimaginably cute so I want to hang out with you but you're also really hot and I really want a bit of that ass so I want to date you" Bambam said, his voice a mix of humour and uncertainty.
"First of all, I never thought you'd like my ads that much, but I'm flattered. Second of all, it's me who is getting your ass, not the other way round" Both the men giggled like school girls as they walked back home. They had decided to ditch the car since the weather was cool and the night was beautiful.
"So tomorrow my place at six. Don't be late" Jungkook gave Bambam a gentle kiss on the lips but before he could turn around to leave, Bambam gripped the collar of Jungkook's jacket and pulled him back in, kissing him harshly. By the time both of them pulled away, they were breathless, their lips red and swollen.
At dot six the next day, Jungkook rang the bell outside Bambam's apartment. He had arrived five minutes early and waited outside so that he wouldn't be late. The door unlocked and Bambam let Jungkook in. The latter took off his shoes and took a moment to admire the house.
Bambam's house was a lot like his personality, unpredictable. It was a weird juxtaposition of loud and minimalistic. The main colour palette was made up of blacks and whites but the cat beds were all bright colours. Bambam's many cats sauntered around the living room and the man bent down to pet them every now and then.
Bambam was dressed in what Jungkook called the "casual bam" look. He wore a plain blue turtle neck sweater with large circle thin rimmed glasses and black track pants.
Jungkook had involuntarily matched the outfit, himself dressed in a black turtleneck sweater and black track pants. He helped Bambam carry the bowls of popcorn and chips along with bottles of soju and glasses to the center table in the living room. A large TV covered one wall of the room and a large sofa sat facing it.
"Pick whatever you want to watch, I don't really care" Bambam said before heading back inside. Jungkook scrolled through the films and chose 'Avengers: Age of Ultron' because it was one of his favourite movies of all time. Bambam returned shortly after with a few flyers from local take out places.
"What are you in the mood for?" The silver haired man asked. Looking through the flyers, Jungkook found what he was looking for. Chimaek or chicken and maekju (Korean beer) was one of Jungkook's favourite food combinations.
"How about some chimaek" Jungkook asked and Bambam nodded enthusiastically, saying that he loved the combination. Unfortunately there was no beer at home so Bambam ordered some from the chicken place itself and called up his security guard to pick it up to maintain his privacy.
The two men started watching the film, sitting on either ends of the small couch but as the movie went on, the distance between them reduced. At some point Bambam grabbed a fluffy blanket and threw it over both of them. By the end of the night, Bambam say with his head against Jungkook's chest and the latter's hand wrapped around the smaller man.
"You're really beautiful, you know?" Bambam whispered. Jungkook couldn't resist and placed a small kiss on the smaller man's forehead. Bambam closed his eyes tightly at the action and let out a sigh.
"Maybe but you're the most beautiful person I have ever seen in my life" Jungkook confessed. They may have only known each other for a few days but were falling for each other so quickly that they couldn't believe it themselves.
Despite really wanting to stay over, Jungkook returned to the dorms that night. They both took a moment to speak about what was going on between them and realised that things were happening too quickly. They promised each other that they would take their time to get to know each other before going further.
Even though their busy schedules left them exhausted and without much free time, they had found a rhythm that worked. They met often and went out for dates. It could be as fancy as bar dates at high profile places to as simple as cuddling in bed, reading together.
Every moment Jungkook spent with Bambam, he felt alive in a way he never hand felt before. Even at the young age of 23, Jungkook was always busy with no time for himself. But Bambam changed everything. Through the silver haired man, Jungkook found a part of himself he had buried deep down within. Bambam made him want to be a better person.
Bambam on the other hand felt like he had found his light. As fun loving and carefree as Bambam was, he had a dark side of him full of insecurities and secrets. That part of him ate him on the inside, it made him feel alone and undeserving. But Jungkook made him feel loved, wanted, appreciated.
They both had completed each other as if they were two puzzles with a single missing piece and somehow they fit into each other perfectly. They were meant for each other, it felt like the universe wanted that too.
It was a cozy mid spring evening and Jungkook had decided that he wanted nothing more than to play some music on the speaker in his living room and dance with Bambam. The silver haired man liked the idea and agreed, tapping his feet to the beat, still dressed in pajamas from a day of lazing around.
Things weren't sexual at all between the two men. Jungkook played peppy numbers from both of their discographies like "Attack on Bangtan", "Never Ever", "Go Go" and "Thursday", songs meant to be mindlessly fun.
In those moments, as the diminishing sunlight fell on Bambam's ecstatic face, Jungkook knew that he was deeply and absolutely in love with him. He knew that he would never find home, comfort, love and completeness like this ever again. Jungkook was absolutely whipped for Kunpimook Bhuwakul and his pretty smile and beautiful heart.
"What are you thinking, love?" 'Love', a nickname that Bambam had come up with was music to Jungkook's ears everytime the shorter man said it. They still hadn't confessed their undying love for each other but they knew deep within themselves that they felt the same way.
"I love you" Jungkook finally let the words slip and he wanted to burn the image of Bambam's reaction in his brain forever. The silver haired man gasped before crashing his lips against Jungkook's in a soft, loving kiss.
"Took you long enough to say it. I love you too, you idiot" Jungkook giggled at the comment before taking Bambam's lips back to his. He stepped back till they both fell onto the couch, Bambam straddling him. For the first time, Jungkook let his hands wander from the small of his back up to his neck and down to curve of his ass.
"You going to fuck me now or what?' Jungkook's breath hitched at the boldness of his boyfriend.
Boyfriend, that's what they called each other now. He doesn't remember when it happened. That's a complete lie, he remembers the exact day, hour and minute it happened, the time he asked Bambam properly to be his boyfriend in the most cheesy way he knew how.
It was on a cold December morning, Jungkook had just moved out of the dorms and into Bambam's apartment. The latter had a busy schedule while the former had the day off and so Jungkook decided to spend his time doing something worthwhile. After a lot of shopping, which he was horrible at and crafting, which he was also horrible at, he was ready and waited patiently for Bambam to come home.
The moment the silver haired man stepped inside, he knew something was up. The living room was decorated with his favourite flowers, cute pictures of the two of them hung off walls and a bucket of ice with a bottle of wine sat on the center table. Next to the wine was a wrapped present.
"Jungkook?" Bambam called out to no avail. The man sat down and opened the box I'm front of him and gasped. Inside was a simple chain with a large pendent with the words "DoubleB" covered with diamonds on it. Tears welled up in his eyes as he remembered the day he told Jungkook that he always wanted something special with his famous tagline on it.
"You like it?" Jungkook asked nervously. He had flown to LA for a few shoots a couple of months prior and stopped by one of the most famous jewlers in the city who was well know for making pieces for celebrities and rappers. He spoke to the owner with the help of his interpreter and designed the pendant himself.
Due to the complexity of the design and all the specifications unfortunately, it wasn't finished in time for Jungkook to take it back home with him but he was promised it would be delivered to his doorstep as soon as possible.
"I absolutely love it" Bambam said, getting up from the couch to give Jungkook a seating kiss filled with love and affection.
"Bambam, will you be my boyfriend?" Jungkook asked nervously. He knew he had nothing to fear and that Bambam loved him the same way he did but he was still scared.
"As if I wasn't already your boyfriend since that time you took me to that ramyun shop after ditching that fancy restaurant. Yes, I would love to be your boyfriend, Jungkook" Bambam said and Jungkook let out a scream of delight before covering his face with kisses.
That memory brought butterflies to Jungkook's stomach as he nibbled on this boyfriend's lower lip before nodding. He lifted Bambam up easily, giving him a chance to wrap his legs around his waist before carrying him to the bedroom.
Jungkook gently dropped the silver haired man onto the bed. He discarded his t shirt before doing the same for his boyfriend. Crawling onto the bed and hovering over Bambam, Jungkook kissed him with all his heart. He poured his soul into the kiss as if Bambam would disappear if he didn't.
Bambam's fingers trailed over the taught muscled of Jungkook's back as he kissed him with the same amount of love and passion. He couldn't believe this was actually happening. Bambam tangled his legs with Jungkook's before putting all his body weight into flipping them over, pressing Jungkook into the mattress.
He made his was down Jungkook's body, biting and kissing every part of him as if he wanted them printed in his mind, which he did. He knew he couldn't leave marks but he left a few small ones just under Jungkook's navel where his pelvic bone sat. Bambam slowly tugged down Jungkook's pants to reveal his already wet boxers.
"Do you not have anything that's not black? Like seriously dude, ever heard of colour?" Bambam joked as he traced his fingers around Jungkook's erection which caused the snarky reply to get stuck in Jungkook's throat. Bambam peeled the boxers off Jungkook and too a moment to admire his boyfriend's cock.
It was really big are really pretty. He instinctively wrapped his hands around it, giving it a few experimental tugs. The moan that escaped Jungkook's lips was the sweetest sound Bambam had ever heard. He was about to take Jungkook's cock in his mouth when a hand weaved through his hair to stop him.
"Don't feel pressured to do it if you don't want to" Jungkook said and Bambam smiled so genuinely at the man that he physically felt his heart melt. But before he could comprehend what was happening, warmth enveloped him in such an overwhelming manner that he curled his toes and fisted the sheets.
Bambam worked diligently up and down Jungkook's cock as he gave him head. He was enjoying the process almost as much if not more than Jungkook. It just felt so right to him. The warmth, the weight and the sweet taste, all of it was perfect against Bambam's tongue.
Bambam moaned as he licked away the precum at the tip of Jungkook's cock and the vibrations shot right through Jungkook's body, making him keen with pleasure. He tugged on Bambam's hair to pull him off, eliciting a whine from him.
"I'm not going to last if you keep doing that, Bam" Jungkook said, pulling his boyfriend in for another passionate kiss. Jungkook flipped them over once more and settled between Bambam's legs. He looked entranced by the way his pucker clenched as Jungkook brought his finger near it.
Leaning over Bambam, he opened the drawer of his nightstand to pull out a condom and a bottle lube. He hooked the silver haired man's legs over his shoulders and brought his face as close as he could to Bambam's warm skin, nipping at his thighs for a moment before dipping right in to lick his hole.
Bambam squirmed and moaned as Jungkook ate him out. The taller man was extremely skilled with his tongue and fingers and it made Bambam's knees buckle. The moans that left Bambam's lips were music to Jungkook's ears and he wanted nothing more but to listen to the all day.
"Kook, fuck me, now" Bambam heaved, pausing in between to take breaths. He was panting harshly, chest rising and falling at a steady pace. Jungkook merely nodded before letting go of Bambam's thighs and grabbing the condom. He tore the packet with his teeth and slipped it into his cock.
Lining himself up with Bambam's hole, he looked into his boyfriend's eyes one last time to see if he wanted to back out. Seeing only lust and need in his eyes, he took a deep breath before pushing in. Bambam's back arched and Jungkook's name escapes his lips as he bottomed out.
Neither of them ever thought they'd ever feel something like this in their life time. Pleasure and love morphed into a euphoric sensation that no one could describe. Jungkook had heard sex being described as 'two becoming one flesh' and never believed it till he felt what it was like being inside Bambam.
They were both drug addicts looking for their next highs. Something almost animalistic took over Jungkook as his eyes glazed over and he pulled almost all the way out before shoving right back in roughly. He had no control over his body as he pounded into Bambam.
The sound of Jungkook's balls slapping against Bambam's ass and slick from the lube filled the room. Jungkook had thought that Bambam was the most beautiful thing alive but when he saw his face contorted in sheer pleasure, he was sure that he would never see anythingas beautiful ever again.
Bambam was first to cum, Jungkook's hand wrapped tightly around his member, stroking steadily. The was he clenched around the taller man made him tumble over the edge moments after his boyfriend. Jungkook reluctantly pulled out and collapsed next to Bambam, basking in the after glow of his orgasm.
"Wow, I can't believe waited so long for that" Jungkook whispered. He looked over to see Bambam staring out of the floor to ceiling window in their room, gazing at the moon. Stars could rarely be seen with the amount of fog and pollution in Seoul but two twinkling lights were visible in the vast darkness.
"It was well worth it, though. I'd do it all over again for you if I had to" Bambam muttered. Jungkook pulled out a pack of wet wipes form his drawer and cleaned both of them up before pulling the duvet over their still naked bodies. He snuggled against Bambam, pressing his head against the man's chest.
"When did you become the romantic in the relationship, huh?" Jungkook chuckled as Bambam absent mindedly played with his hair. They shared those few minutesn of silence with small smiles on their faces. The quietness was never awkward, they were comforting to say the least.
Bambam and Jungkook both had loud, outgoing personalities that rarely ever gave them time to calm down, sit quiet and reflect. After meeting each other though, their best memories were sitting together without saying a word to each other, warm and satisfied.
They both fell into a simple, borderline boring schedule of waking up together, cooking breakfast for each other, enjoying coffee and talking about life in the mornings followed by dinner and maybe a round or two of sex in the evenings.
After the first time, their intimate times were rarely ever so soft and mushy. Though just as passionate, they had gotten to learn a bit about each other's kinkier sides and learned to embrace that. They both were madly in love to say the least and nothing was going to change that, at least not for a while.
Things started going downhill the day Bambam introduced Jungkook to Cha Eunwoo, who was Bambam's best friend. They both had met each other when they were still trainees and had gotten along quite well. Enwoo was stunning to say the least, with his undeniable charm and drop dead gorgeous looks.
The three of them met over dinner the first time, Bambam having invited Eunwoo to join them. The whole time Bambam was laughing at Eunwoo's jokes and messing around with him. It wasn't like he ignored Jungkook though, he was too sensible for that. He included his boyfriend in every conversation and asked for his opinion on topics they discussed.
Jungkook didn't feel jealous during the dinner but he felt empty. Eunwoo was everything he wasn't and couldn't be. He was considerate, knowing Bambam's order by heart and ordering it for him, kind, caring and attentive. Jungkook felt all his insecurities bubble up from deep within.
None of them were like his old ones about not being good enought to be an idol or a role model. They were all about how he wasn't good enough for Bambam. He couldn't remember Bambam's favourite drink, he didn't know his favourite song, heck he even forgot his birthday once.
After a year and a half of being connected at the hip, he realised he barely knew anything about his boyfriend. Eunwoo on the other hand knew him inside out. He knew his favourite Backstreet Boys member and his biggest pet peeves. He even bought a small brooch for Bambam which had two snakes on it, his signature logo.
Jungkook thought day in and day out how Bambam would be happier with Eunwoo. The latter was single and looking for love, as he put it. Eunwoo even confessed to Jungkook about the crush he had on Bambam back when they were trainees when Jungkook and him were waiting for Bambam to get dressed.
Without trying to, he started growing distant with Bambam. He would stay late at the company practicing or producing even when his hyungs repeatedly told him to go home. He stopped responding to Bambam's texts and rarely ever took his calls. He started sleeping at the dorms some nights as it was closer to the company.
Bambam thought it was his fault that Jungkook was ignoring him. He tried to think of everything that happened over the course of the previous few months to figure out what he did wrong. When Jungkook stopped responding, he called Taehyung up to check on him every now and then.
Jungkook effectively stopped eating. He lost weight rapidly and barely had the strength to practice. He also didn't sleep because the moment he closed his eyes the thought of Bambam and Eunwoo together and that picture ate him alive. The members tried everything to talk to him but he shut them all out.
Bambam grew worried about his boyfriend. He crashed at Eunwoo's place for a few days as he hated how empty their shared home felt. The brought Cupcake, Latte, Pudding and King, his cats, over to Eunwoo's place and cried to him about how much he missed Jungkook.
Completely frustrated and angry out of his mind, Bambam walked into the BigHit biding and demanded that he be taken to Jungkook. Taehyung led him to one of the dance practice rooms inside the building before he gave Bambam a reassuring smile and left. Taking a deep breath in, he opened the door.
Inside he found Jungkook dancing to BTS's new song. No, that man couldn't be his Jungkook. The person in front of him was way thinner than his boyfriend. Dark circles sat under his eyes and his hair was flying everywhere. There was no passion in the way he danced, almost as if he was doing it because he was forced to do so.
Jungkook looked like a ghost to Bambam. He had never seen his boyfriend like that and it scared the daylight out of him. Jungkook hadn't yet noticed Bambam come in because he was absorbed in trying to get the moves right which he couldn't because he could barely move his body properly.
Bambam quickly snuck around the room and turned the music off, causing Jungkook to sigh and turn to Bambam thinking it was one the hyungs trying to get him to stop. He opened his mouth to say something but as soon as his eyes fell of his boyfriend, he stopped. He stared at the man for a solid minute before collapsing.
Bambam ran towards his boyfriend who's body crumpled to the floor. He held onto Jungkook as he cried for help as he tried to get him to wake up. Jungkook's eyes were shut and his body boneless and Bambam felt his eyes well up as he saw the state his boyfriend was in.
Why didn't he come sooner? Why didn't he take care of his boyfriend? Why didn't he notice that he was suffering? These thoughts ran around Bambam's head as he sat outside Jungkook's room in the hospital, waiting for the doctor to come out.
"Who are you?" The doctor asked and Bambam introduced himself as Jungkook's boyfriend. He asked is the man was fine and the doctor sighed.
"Mr Jeon was excessively sleep deprived, he was starving himself and over working which led to him collapsing. We will have to keep him here for a day or two but after that he's good to go. We need to make sure he rests and eats well but otherwise he should be okay" The doctor explained and permitted Bambam to go inside.
Bambam ran inside to see Jungkook staring at the ceiling quietly. The man dragged a chair near the bed and sat down, a sigh escaping his mouth. Before he could way anything, Jungkook spoke.
"Sorry" He wishpered, his voice broken. Bambam saw tears well up in his boyfriend's eyes as he turned to look at him. Jungkook looked like he have walked out of his grave. He was exhausted beyond belief and the only person he both wanted and didn't want to see was Bambam.
"Why? Why? Why did you do this to yourself? Why did you do this to me? What did I do wrong? Why were you ignoring me?" Bambam cried as he hit Jungkook's chest lightly with his fist. He felt so drained as he saw the suffering in Jungkook's face.
"You did nothing wrong, love. It's all my fault. It's my fault that I made you suffer, that I didn't think of you when I did this and my fault that I was never good enough for you" Jungkook cried as well, letting the weeks of anger and frustration seep out of him.
"What are you talking about? Who told you you weren't enough for me? You're my whole world, Jungkook. I can't live without you, you're my everything" Bambam's words just made Jungkook cry harder. He wrapped his hands around the silver haired man and balled his eyes out.
"No one said anything to me, Kun. It's just, when I met Eunwoo, I felt like he was everything you needed and deserved. I was no where as considerate, kind and attentive as he was. He even told me once that he had a crush on you and I felt like you two would be perfect together. I'm not good enough for you, Bam. You deserve so, so much better than me. I feel like I'm dead weight that's dragging you down. I couldn't even ask you out the first time, you had to prompt me. You deserve a man who knows you inside out, who buys you that Gucci jacket you wanted for your birthday and takes you out for a date not a man who completely forgets it. I was so lost in my own world of doubts and insecurities that I didn't realise that I no longer possessed the strength to look you in the eye and call you my boyfriend because I'm not worth it" Jungkook poured his heart out to Bambam once he was done crying.
Bambam looked at Jungkook as if he had lost his mind. He laughed out loud but those laughs quickly morphed into sobs and soon he was weeping. Jungkook held him close to his chest and wiped his tears away.
"Why are you such a god damn idiot? I hate you so much. Eunwoo is my best friend and he has and will never be any more than that to me. You're all I need and you're way more than I deserve, Kook. It's my fault if I ever made you feel like you weren't enough because lord I can't breathe without you. Seeing you like this is killing me on he inside. Please don't do this ever again. I love you so much I'll marry you right here, right now if you want me to. I don't care if you forgot my birthday. Do you remember why you did? You were busy with the comeback and wanted it to be perfect for me. There's nothing more I could want. If being with you means you and I becoming better people for each other, I'd happily have you forget my birthday. I want to spend the rest of eternity with you and nothing is going to come in the middle of that. " Bambam said between sobs.
Jungkook held Bambam's face and kissed him as tears ran down both their cheeks. It was as if Jungkook learned how to breathe again as his lungs burned due to the lack of oxygen. He didn't pull away till Bambam started whining. They looked at each other as if there was no one else in this world but them, here for each other.
Three days later Jungkook was discharged from the hospital and Bambam took him straight to his place. Both of them took a week off and Bambam got his cats and clothes back from Eunwoo's place. They spent the week cuddling and confessing their undying love to each other over and over again.
By the end of those seven days, Jungkook emerged as a normal human again. He had gained some colour back and most of his energy too. Fans noticed the difference quickly as he started posting on Twitter and going live more often.
Bambam stayed by his side the entire time, cheering him on. Both GOT7 and BTS had a successful comeback each and they were doing better than ever. But most importantly, Bambam and Jungkook were doing better than ever.
They communicated more and spoke their hearts out when something went wrong or they needed to let off some steam. Jungkook paid more attention to the little things and Bambam gave him more space when he needed it. They grew to understand each others insecurities and help when required.
Three years after they started dating, Dispatch released photos of them kissing and they decided it was time they finally came out to the public. Jungkook posted a picture of Bambam and Jungkook holding hands and looking at each other and went live on VLive to let the world know that they were in fact dating.
Both BigHit and JYP put out official statements confirming everything and although coming out as gay in Korea was difficult, it was well worth it. The fans supported their relationship and so did both the groups and the companies.
Six years after Jungkook met Bambam for the first time, he had to leave for his military service and he decided he wasn't leaving without handling some unfinished business.
Bambam came back home one day to see Taehyung dressed in a suit waiting for him. He handed the man a box and asked him to change quickly. Inside the box was a brand new, Gucci suit. Once he was ready, Taehyung dragged him to the car and started driving. Even after trying to figure out what was happening by pestering Taehyung, he had no idea where they were heading and why.
"Just trust me, Bammie. We're almost there" Taehyung comforted Bambam before stopping the car in front of the luxury mall Bambam visited often. They both stepped out and Taehyung dragged him to the Gucci store. Inside the store, the racks had been cleared and two dinner tables were set up, one small one with seating for two and a long one with seating for twelve.
"Kun?" Bambam turned to see Jungkook standing behind him with a huge smile on his face. He took Bambam's hand and guided him to the table before sitting down opposite to him. Once they were settled, the rest of their band members walked in and sat down on the long table.
"Six years ago I saw a man in this very store who absolutely took my breath away. He was the most perfect person I had ever met in my life. His name was Kunpimook Bhuwakul but he went by Bambam and honestly he was annoying as hell. But he turned out to be just the man I needed. Bam, I love you so much and I can't describe in words how amazing the last six years have been. I still remember the day I asked you to be my boyfriend and they day I first told you that I loved you. You make everything better and I can't imagine spending a day without you, let alone two years. I know that I've not been the greatest boyfriend in the world but I'd die for you if I had to. I remember the words you said to me that day in the hospital when I almost starved myself to death and now I realise, I agree with you. I want to spend the rest of eternity with you by my side. Things will be hard along the way and I will be annoying as always and so will you but I can't imagine myself doing anything else. I love you with every ounce of my being and I want you to be my yesterday, today and tomorrow, forever. Bambam, Kunpimook Bhuwakul, whateveryour god damn name is cause I couldn't pick one, will you marry me?"
Bambam just nodded because his brain was unable to make cohesive sentences. Jungkook slipped the ring that he had gotten custom made for Bambam onto his fingers and pulled him into a tight embrace. The boys cheered and made a ruckus as they celebrated their best friends' engagement.
They spent the night drinking and eating and having fun together. Youngjae, Jin and Jimin tool turns singing cute love songs for the couple while Jaebum sang his iconic song 'Deeper' as foreshadowing for the activities that had been left for later that night.
By the time Jungkook and Bambam got home, it was almost two in the morning. That didn't stop them from falling into bed and peeling each other's clothes off. Jungkook made love the Bambam that night, whispering sweet nothings into his ear. They layed tangled in each others arms afterwards when Bambam finally spoke up.
"I don't know how I'll survive the next two years without you but I will and we'll get married the day you come back. The only sad part will be the crew cut you'll sport in our wedding photos, I like your long hair better" Bambam joked and placed a peck on Jungkook's lips.
"At least I'll have hair. I'm sure you'd have pulled all of yours out by the time I'm back out of loneliness" Bambam hit Jungkook on the chest for the comment and Jungkook just chuckled.
"Jungkook?" Bambam whispered.
"Yes baby?"
"I love you"
"I love you too, for the rest of eternity"
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Retreat pt 1
“Don’t go out too far!”
Nadlia’s shouts were heard, but were they really? The four youths rushed ahead, with a smaller one trailing behind. Nadlia sighed, shaking her head as Belisia laughed beside her, taking her arm.
“We haven’t been here in a long time,” she said, turning around. “It’s been a while for all of us.”
Behind her, Malgam, Koysov, and Tuvra trailed as well. They approached the fine stone and steel bridge that led them across the ravine, which led into the vast ocean; ahead of them was Pelterra, a recreational district famous for it’s seaside views, merchants, food, and the Spinning Wheel, a giant ferris wheel in the middle of the island that lit up the sky at night. 
The five, short of three, decided to bring their children here as a birthday gift. They had all been born this month some thirteen years ago as another generational boom; save for the smallest one
Atello was the oldest, and Nadlia’s born son to Belisia. Joining him was Trinilli, Malgam’s born daughter to Tuvra; Aveltan was Belisia’s born son to Tuvra, and Nashille, the son Tuvra had borne for Koysov. And then there was little Amallia; Belisia’s born daughter to Nadlia, who was seven today. Her older siblings had put a little plastic tiara on her bright blond hair early that morning and she’d insisted it stay on through the whole trip; and she held it on as she chased after them over the bridge.
“I think they’re as excited as we are,” Tuvra laughed; he rubbed his hands together. “I think I’m hitting that new cupcake shop.”
“Ooh, not without me!” Belisia said, peeling back to put her arm in his. Nadlia feigned a pout as she turned, walking backwards. 
“I thought you were gonna join me at the archery range.”
“You really think I’m gonna sit and watch you flex when I could be having cupcakes?”
Nadlia mulled this over, shrugging. “Touche; what about you guys?” She asked, looking over at Malgam and Koysov. 
Malgam looked out to the sea. “I haven’t been to the beach in some time. I’ll go sit by the shore.” 
Koysov’s hands dug into his pockets. He peered over to his king; and he wanted to join him. But something blocked his heart from saying what it wanted.
“What about you, Koy?” Nadlia asked. “Wanna try your hand at some archery?”
“I think you’d be good at it, Koysov!” Tuvra insisted; but the lawmaker just smiled and shook his head, pulling out a package of cigarettes. 
“I’m no athlete. But I am good at a game of pool if you want to join me at Corello’s.”
Nadlia grinned. “Screw the archery then; you got yourself a drinking buddy,” she said as Koysov jogged ahead, taking her arm in his as she laughed. The remaining three watched Nadlia pluck Koysov’s cigarette and take a drag as he talked before she put it back in his mouth, exhaling ring after perfect ring.
As they passed the kids, the elders spoke to them quickly as they watched ducks down in the ravine. The kids each purchased plastic bubbles of pellets and dried corn from squeaky, metal clunkers of machines, which they handed to Amallia as she sprinkled them down into the glistening waves. 
“You all have our numbers?” Nadlia asked. Atello sighed.
“Yeah mom, we have all of your numbers,” he said, shaking his mop of black hair. “I’ll watch Amallia.”
“We got it, Mama ‘Lia!” Aveltan waved. He watched his mother and father pass by as Belisia tried to wipe a smudge off of his cheek. Trinilli, dark haired and golden eyed, waved to Malgam. 
“Have fun at the beach, dad!” She said as Malgam nodded, stopping to gain the attention of the young ones.
“We’ll meet at Murdeo’s at five; then we’ll be off to the cabin. Be aware of each other; and take care. Call us if you’re separated.”
“Will do!” Trinilli said as the others nodded. Malgam reached into his pocket and presented the five with a color-coded card. 
“Here; a treat for you all. There’s 500 Oli on each one.”
“FIVE HUNDRED??” Atello screamed. Trinilli jumped into Malgam’s arms.
“DAD YOU’RE THE BEST!”
Malgam laughed as Aveltan and Nashille also bounded forward, bombarding the king with bearhugs as they cheered. As they separated he knelt to hug Amallia as she waited her turn.
“Happy birthday to all of you,” he beamed at the excited little group before they parted. He watched them, like their own little gaggle of ducks, bob and weave through the streets, holding Amallia’s hand as they entered the shopping district. 
The five split and separated as well, with Malgam going his own way as he walked quietly through the streets. Recognized and waved to by his people, he made his way toward the beach. He had little intention to change out of his dark clothing. He didn’t much swim; and if he did, it would be later at the cabin. And not in the pool. 
He stepped off of the cement pathway, and towards a grassy, shaded park. Through it was the beach entrance, and finally the golden sands, his shoes crunching into the soft surface. The waves lapped against the shore, inviting playful visitors to linger in the mists of the crashing water. Boats dotted the glistening blue water in all shapes and sizes; from sailboats to larger, more luxurious vehicles. 
Malgam found a spot in a corner to take a seat and to breathe in the salty air. He rested his cheek on his folded hands and took in the sight of happy, excited visitors.
This was what his long days were about. The peace and prosperity of his world and his people. The reason why he and The Eight saw to their efforts of introducing new generations to strengthen and continue the lives through earth.
It wasn’t long until he heard a small commotion, and rising from the crowds was a balloon, lost by it’s small owner as he tried to reach for the string; but before Malgam could stand, the boy’s mother bounded forward, and she gracefully morphed her arms into wings, with feathers protruding from her shoulderblades all the way to her fingertips, and she lifted into the air to claim her child’s souvenir. She retrieved the balloon to her son’s happiness to the amusement of everyone around her. Malgam smiled, resting once more with the contentment that things were better than his heart often told him.
He received messages from time to time. From the kids, from Trinilli, pictures from Nadlia as she bested Koysov at pool, and Belisia asking Malgam if he would like for her and Tuvra to buy him a treat.
He sent messages to Boxrom and Floralis back home at the palace. They were busy after just welcoming a new daughter last month. A call chimed and he answered it, seeing Floralis on the screen holding the new addition, deep in sleep with a pacifier to keep her contained.
“How was the trip?” She asked. 
Malgam chuckled. “A bit hectic, but we got through it. How’s everything at home?”
“Well, I would say quiet, but Yulina decided to make up for all the noise herself after you all left.”
Malgam smiled as as the red-haired infant curled up in Floralis’ arms. Boxrom appeared behind Floralis as he walked past the couch.
“Hey! Bring us back some Mardra!” He ordered, talking about Pelterra’s famous meade, made from honey that bees collected from the pristine gardens. Malgam nodded.
“I’m bringing back plenty. I plan on having some tonight,” he said as Boxrom disappeared. Floralis looked at Malgam.
“So... are you going to talk to him?”
Malgam fidgeted. “... “It’s been twenty-five years since he offered, Flor.”
“And? I know you two are still as close as any of us.”
Malgam swallowed. “It... it was merely an invitation if my nightmares got bad. But... But they’ve been fine lately; I haven’t had any since my last rest.” That was nearly fourteen years ago now.
Floralis eyed him, uncertain if he was being truthful; or if he was letting fear of his own emotions drown his anxiety.
He was king, but he was still a man of great fear; and his current greatest fear was being partial to another one of his StarMates; like he’d been with Boxrom. Like he’d been with Nadlia. 
“Just spend some time with him? You two were inseparable for a short time after Boxrom and I wed; but now we barely see you two interact. Did you fight?”
No. There was no fight. Malgam had just... stopped talking. 
For a while; he’d stopped talking to everyone. The nightmares had become too much. Then he left for a ten year rest; to regain his strength as he was hosted by a human. Then he returned, and in celebration, the one who’d welcomed him back the warmest was Tuvra; and Malgam was quick to become expecting, which turned out to be Trinilli. 
Returning to his loved ones after a decade, Malgam had noticed the subtle changes. Nadlia’s countenance had softened some as hers and Belisia’s romance continued. Boxrom and Floralis were still finishing each other’s sentences. Tuvra had managed to become less of a hermit... But the closeness they encountered soon withered. That didn’t mean they didn’t love each other as much as they had; but it was apparent that the budding relationship Malgam had thought would bloom... simply never bloomed. Much like Tuvra and himself, it remained an eternal bud.
But Malgam’s heart still quarreled within his sternum when Koysov looked his way.
“No. But... If it’ll make you happy; I’ll try to talk to him.”
Floralis glowed. “I think it’ll do you some good; especially with all of you out of the palace for a few days. If anything, Malgam; just... take care of yourself.”
“Don’t worry, Flor. I’ll be fine. Thank you.”
Ending the call, Malgam looked back out to the sea; resuming the reminder that he was on vacation, surrounded by laughter and freedom.
He merely adjusted the high-buttoned collar of his shirt, making sure none of the scars on his throat were visible.
Checking his pocketwatch as the sun made it’s trek in the deep blue sky, Malgam stood after a few hours of enjoying downtime, and he returned through the park, where he happily kicked a soccerball back to a group of youngsters, who cheered at seeing High King Malgam intervene with their game.
Entering the Opello district, Malgam walked through, letting his eyes wander as he slowly made his way to Murdeo’s. He kept his eyes out for gifts, not only for the younger ones, but for his StarMates. For Boxrom and Floralis back home; and for little Yulina. For Edeli, who was somewhere helping one of her brothers as they researched medicine; he had to stop and realize if he had to buy gifts for everyone there wouldn’t be any room in either vehicle to go home. Instead, he merely windowshopped for now; perusing each different building. 
As five ‘o clock approached, he made his way to Murdeo’s; a handsome restaurant at the culmination of the Opello district. It wasn’t the fanciest; but it was a much-sought out retreat at Pelterra. The crowd outside murmured as he approached, and he heard the clicks of phones as photos were taken as he jogged up the steps, smiling at them.
Inside, he found the others, sitting as the kids continue to gabble and gossip about their exciting day. Trinilli waved excitedly as Malgam came into view, and she stood to greet her life-giver with an embrace.
“Dad!! How was the beach?” She asked. Malgam smiled, clearing her golden eyes of her dark hair that fell forward.
“Beautiful; just like you.”
Trinilli scrunched her nose in a grin. “I saw you sitting, but you looked like you were tired. We’re gonna go there tomorrow and swim!” She said, putting Malgam’s arm over her shoulders as they walked. “We bought swimsuits! We all pitched in and bought Amallia some floaties so she wasn’t spending too much of her Oli at once.”
“That’s very generous of you all.”
“Hey, Mal!” Nadlia waved He took his seat next to Tinilli as she leaned on Tuvra next to her. Aveltan and Nashille were both discussing shoes they’d found in a high-scale shop to their father. Tuvra looked exhausted; not at the cost, but at his sons’ space-consuming habits.
“You guys have like, fifteen pairs of shoes.” He said tiredly.
“Yeah but these have remote laces!” Aveltan described in awe. Tuvra didn’t budge.
“Yes. I oversaw the patent for those before you were born.”
Trinilli laughed as her half-brothers did their best to convince Tuvra to look at the accessories with them tomorrow, and she looked back up at Malgam, who’s attention, as usual, was elsewhere, and she chose to lean on him instead.
“Thanks for bringing us out, dad.”
Malgam happily pulled her aside once more. “Of course.”
“You seem kinda down. Wanna talk about it? Is it work?”
“It’s a lot of things; but it’s not this. It’s not you, Starling. I’m happy to be here.”
He was about to say more, but across a corner in the distance, Koysov came into view. Something about his posture and presence was different, and Malgam’s breath hitched. It wasn’t long until he realized Amallia was running in front of him, carrying a stuffed animal he hadn’t seen before.
“Look! Look!! Look what Papa Koy got me from the claw machine!!” She announced, holding the bunny plush, complete with a pink ribbon, close in a hug; and immediately the attention span of the four teenagers flipped like a switch.
“There’s a claw machine?! Atello begged to know.
“Where?!” Nashille asked, and Amallia pointed towards the corner she and Koysov had approached from.
“Back there, they have a lot of games! I saw them at the drinking fountains!”
A rush of scraping chairs, and a thundering of feet later, Nadlia was shouting “Let’s at least put in an order first!!”
An order of meals and a sudden exodus of youngsters later, the five adults were left at the table, slowly sipping colorful drinks and laughing.
“Here, Mal!” Belisia said, handing a box his way. “These are from Crumble!” 
Malgam tore into the seal to find a box of four cupcakes; heavy on the icing with huge, orb sprinkles. 
“Where’s mine?!” Koysov asked indignantly, slamming the table playfully. Belisia rolled her eyes and pushed an identical box his way; but she stood to give Nadlia’s to her with a peck on the cheek.
“We got some for the kids too; we’ve already taken them to the cabin.”
“They’ll be up all night,” Nadlia groaned.
Malgam smiled, crunching into a candy piece that had been lodged into some icing. “But that’s why we do this. So they can have the childhoods we didn’t have.”
He peered over, looking to Koysov, who nodded. Chatter resumed, to Malgam’s content, and his fellow loves kept each other entertained as Nadlia recounted her pool game with Koysov, and Tuvra and Belisia named the best shops and relaxation points. He closed his eyes, feeling his happiness warm and lulling in the crowd, smelling pleasant food as the alcohol helped soothe his constant fears.
Strange; he felt as though he was falling asleep.
Hands? No; there was no way anyone was able to grab his wrists and pull him... Right? 
Stop leading me.
Stop pulling me. 
His head felt the back of an operating table as he was pushed onto it. Not this again. Hadn’t they taken enough?
Dad?
Let me be; just for once; let me be!
“Dad!”
Malgam’s eyes shot open; he looked over to find Trinilli standing next to him, worried. 
“You okay?” She asked. “You’re sweating.”
Blinking, Malgam took the cloth napkin and mopped at his face. “Y-Yeah... I’m fine. I’m... I’m alright.”
His StarMates looked on as the kids, save for Trinilli sat excitedly as food was finally being dished out.
“I just... it’s been a long week. But now I can rest,” Malgam said to his daughter, who smiled and patted his hand. She held it there for a moment, feeling his muscles quiver.
Malgam peered up, just barely seeing Koysov stare in concern. He mouthed a ‘you okay?’, and Malgam nodded, breaking eye contact as he put his napkin in his lap, still shuddering.
Stars... he thought he was finally rid of them...
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preyed-llama · 5 years
Text
Why, Patton?
Summary: He walked over to the fantasy isle and looked around. “Why are you always smiling, even when you’re sad?” Logan asked, his hand was playing with his glasses, despite him not needing to fix them anyway. Patton glanced at him and pulled his lower lip into his teeth.
He hesitated before he responded. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’ Now Patton had a habit of playing dumb when anyone asked a question that he didn’t feel like answering.
Ship: Logicality (can be read however)
Genre: hurt/comfort
Authors note: I found it in my word document which was written ages ago, figured I’d post it.
Warnings: argument, scifi body modification  (let me know if I missed anything)
-
Patton was… well the school kids when he was younger called him a cyborg. You see he had this… robotic thing in his head that took the form of a male who aged up with him. He had called the AI Logan and it seemed happy to oblige. Really it wasn’t until he was twenty that the AI really mattered to him. When he was lost and confused with his life Logan had guided him and stayed with him, even when he was sobbing, although the electronic didn’t particularly know how to handle emotions.
Patton walked into another store, Roman had just left for his job and Patton was considering getting a new top for opening night of Roman’s play. Really, he was in love with the button up behind the window with cats and dogs in lines running across. He took it to the counter and smiled at the clerk behind the counter.
“Patton, are you sure about spending so much on a shirt? It may be more optimal to save up for a new couch or keep it for a rainy day, you have plenty of shirts as is.” Logan said, he was standing in his peripherals his solid looking form standing perfectly straight, his perfect black hair and cold brown eyes. He had a confused frown on his lips and wore glasses similar to Patton’s at the man’s request.
Patton handed over the money before turning to look at Logan. He opened his mouth to speak before the women extended the change. ‘Well…’ Patton thought. ‘I like the shirt, and besides Roman’s the lead, I can’t show up in a polo.’
“Roman has seen you in the same clothes for the past 7 years, I don’t see how buying a shirt would affect him being the lead in any way.” Patton rolled his eyes fondly and picked up the clothes bag. He walked out of the store and glanced around, Logan walking at his side, occasionally overlapping passing people.
Patton smiled as he skipped through the store and across to the bookstore. Logan wasn’t meant to be so inquisitive, but he had always asked too many questions for his own good. Patton didn’t mind, he would always answer them to the best of his ability. Although a five-year-old trying to explain to a supercomputer why his relative Stacy was being called Sam and using they/them pronouns didn’t end up going to well. It ended with the decision that Sam was actually a wizard who used magic to be them.
He walked over to the fantasy isle and looked around. “Why are you always smiling, even when you’re sad?” Logan asked, his hand was playing with his glasses, despite him not needing to fix them anyway. Patton glanced at him and pulled his lower lip into his teeth.
He hesitated before he responded. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’ Now Patton had a habit of playing dumb when anyone asked a question that he didn’t feel like answering.
Apparently, Logan hadn’t realised because he had taken to explaining it. “Well smiling is a sign of happiness in people although you smile even when you aren’t happy, which is the incorrect response to such an emotion.”
“Logan… please…”
“Really you should be frowning pretty often but instead you are smiling whenever in public. You have no issues frowning in private so why-.”
‘I don’t want to let them down.’ He thought sharply. Logan seemed to think for several moments, a strange action from a supercomputer. Really Patton had been wondering why he had developing human reactions, but this action wasn’t enough for the anger to bubble down.
“Virgil is always frowning, that means he is letting you down and yet you are still talking to him. In fact, he never seems to let himself smile.” Logan continued blindly.
“Logan.”
“Unless of course it doesn’t apply to him although that just seems ludicrous-.”
“Logan! Stop! Of course, you don’t understand, you’re just a stupid AI, now stop! Please!” He must have said it aloud because the two people down the aisle were watching him with nervous but fascinated looks.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, I was merely stating-.” He genuinely looked upset, his posture and look not as perfect as usual.
“Please, just stop.” He whispered, his gaze dropping to the book in his hands that barely seemed real.
Logan looked down at the ground. “Alright, going into sleep mode.” He stated. And then he was gone. No scanning. No presence in his head or the world around him. No Logan.
Patton put the book back and turned on his heels. He needed to get out before he started to cry. He forced a smile, the biggest and most genuine looking smile he could. He walked quickly, the bag bouncing off his leg. It seemed to be forever before he made it out of the shopping complex and an eternity before he reached his car. He sunk into the seat and wrapped his arms around himself to stop the shaking.
The drive back home was painful. Every flicker in the corner of his vision made the guilt grow. He shouldn’t have shouted at Logan. He knew he shouldn’t have and when Logan returned, he’d apologise to him and try to make it up to him.
Hanging the new shirt amongst his old shirts and pulling on his cat onesie felt like the hardest thing in the world. He collapsed onto the couch and stayed there, even when the clock hit dinner time. He couldn’t bring himself to watch anything and he was startled when he heard a voice next to him.
Logan was sitting at the table his fingers fiddling with a rubix cube he summoned. “Logan-.” “Patton-.” They said in unison. Patton’s lip quirked slightly into a small smile before he stood up and walked towards the dinner table. Logan was looking at him with what Patton could only describe as sadness and fear. He smiled more, his eyes welling with tears.
“I’m so sorry.” Patton whispered as he wrapped his arms around Logan. Realistically one was aware he wasn’t actually hugging something, but the thing with having it in his brain is it could register and simulate the touch. He closed his eyes and held him tighter.
Logan hugged him back. “I was going to say that, but it appears you beat me to it.” Logan muttered, his head on Patton’s shoulder. “You have nothing to apologise for. I should’ve stopped when you told me to the first time.”
“I shouldn’t have insulted you.” Patton said, the tears dripping down his cheeks.
Logan seemed taken aback by the comment, pulling away, his body phasing through Patton’s arms and his hands resting on Patton’s shoulders. “You were stating fact. I am just a machine. I am coding unable to feel emotions or comprehend the nuances of human behaviour.”
He shook his head. “No. You aren’t just a machine. You’re Logan and you’ve never been just a machine to me.” Logan seemed totally stunned. He just stared and Patton could practically see the cogs turning in his head. Patton cupped his cheek and Logan turned his head over so slightly to rest in it.
Patton, in a moment of forgetfulness, lunged to wrap Logan in a hug. Unfortunately, since Logan was not in fact a physical being, Patton fell through and caught himself on the ground. He turned around to look up at a worried Logan. “I tried to hug you.” Patton explained.
Logan laid down on top of him, his head on Patton’s chest and his arm wrapped around his middle. “Is this good enough?” Logan asked. Patton grinned and nodded.
Logan smiled slightly before it quickly fell from his face. “Why won’t you smile? Aren’t you happy?” Patton teased. Logan blinked.
“Of course, I am quite content in this situation. I am just an AI who shouldn’t experience such emotions.” It took a couple of moments for it to dawn on him. “You always smile because you do not want people to know you have sadness… I see.”
Patton looked up at the ceiling, even with the lights off he could see the roof. “You’re my best friend, Lo.” Patton whispered.
“Thank you, I am quite fond of you as well.” Patton grinned and closed his eyes. His face felt like it was going to split in two from the force of his smile.
38 notes · View notes
limjaeseven · 5 years
Text
Eternity
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Pairing: Jungkook X Bambam
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Smut
Word count: 7,615
Summary: Jungkook meets the most stunning looking man he has ever seen and falls for him, hard.
Warnings: Oral sex, anal sex, anal fingering, starvation, sleep deprivation, lots of crying, unnecessary amounts of love, attempt at some amount of humour
[a/n]: This fic is dedicated to my best friend who is the nicest human being on the planet and I love her a lot. I hope you enjoy it. This fic is also posted on my GOT7 blog @got7-poetry please give that page some love if you are a fellow aghase or just like GOT7 fanfiction. Also this is one of the fastest fics I've ever written and is unedited so beware.
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The rows of colourful, flashy clothing in front of Jungkook did little to ease his tension. Jungkook hated shopping for clothes that weren't cargo pants and oversized t shirts, all in black, of course. But his best friend had decided to host a big party to let idols mingle and get to know eachother and he insisted that Jungkook also come, even though he really didn't want to.
Being such a fancy event, he realised he didn't have anything appropriate for the setting and went out to a luxury mall is Seoul that idols like him visited often. He stepped inside the first store that looked appealing, not that he cared about the price of anything, being one of few people his age who held a black card. The racks of jackets and shirts covered in sequins and glitter left him dazed.
He picked one shirt in a deep red colour that looked moderately sober along with a pair of plain black pants and a black embroidered blazer and was heading for the changing rooms when a man clad in the most outrageous outfit Jungkook had ever seen, stepped out.
The man in question wore a black suit covered in gold crystal work and black skinny jeans along with white heeled boots and a thick Cuban link chain around his neck. His silver blond hair was styled perfectly, as if he was to step on to a runway immediately. He twirled around, checking his outfit out in a mirror nearby as the shop staff complimented his choice.
Jungkook was shocked to say the least. He had never seen a man as beautiful as the one in front of him. He knew that the man was probably a model or something but he was so incredibly captivating that Jungkook couldn't help but stare. It was when one of the staff told him that the dressing room was free, that he snapped out of his trance and hurried away.
The outfit fit Jungkook well, he had to admit, the pants defining his storing thighs nicely. He stepped out of the room to look in one of the big mirrors when he heard someone clapping. Jungkook turned around to see the man from before sitting on one of the couches that was scattered around the store. He was holding a glass of champagne in one hand, courtesy of the staff with one leg folded over the other.
"That blazer looks nice on you" The silver haired man commented. He stood up and made his was towards Jungkook and pulled on the lapels of his blazer, smoothing them in place. He walked away for a moment before returning with a pair of Louboutins and Jungkook wordlessly put them on. While he was tying the laces, the man got him a simple chain with a pendant made up of two snakes and fastened it around his neck.
"What do you think?" The man asked, standing behind Jungkook as he stared at himself in the mirror. The few odd corrections that the man made including fixing his collar and getting him a new belt really brought the look together.
"It looks great, thank you.." Jungkook trailed off. He realised he didn't even know the name of the man in front of him.
"I'm Bambam, nice to meet you" The man offered his hand which Jungkook accepted. He knew he had heard the name somewhere and took a moment to recall it.
"You're the rapper from GOT7, right? I'm Jungkook, the pleasure's all mine" He said with a small smile. Bambam nodded, affirming his suspicions and confirming that he was in fact the famous Thai rapper who had taken over the K-pop industry with his charming personality and stunning looks.
"I saw you staring earlier. See anything you like?" Bambam winked and twirled around once more, showing off his outfit. Jungkook felt his throat go dry suddenly as he admired the sliver of Bambam's exposed chest that he saw due to the lack of shirt material to cover that position of his body.
"I've never been a person who dresses super flashily so I was just surprised when I saw you in that jacket" Jungkook muttered, scratching the back of his neck. Bambam gasped, feigning offence.
"Are you calling me flashy?" He questioned Jungkook who didn't know how to reply. He didn't mean to offend Bambam, the words just came out wrong. The confused expression on Jungkook's face made Bambam chuckle.
"I'm just kidding, I'm well aware that I'm flashy but I like to think of it as being 'extra'" Bambam replied before turning his wrist to check his watch.
"I'm so sorry, I have a meeting to attend in half an hour and I need to bill all this stuff so I'll see you around?" Bambam didn't want for a reply before rushing off, leaving Jungkook in a mix of emotions. No man had ever taken Jungkook's breath away like this. He was quite the talker and loved flirting with hot men and women. People were usually intimated by his aura. Bambam on the other hand seemed completely unbothered by it.
After paying for all the clothes, Jungkook headed home, his mind still stuck on the silver haired man and his beautiful voice. He thought of Bambam's plump lips and definitely hoped to see him around. Jungkook looked him up that night and listened to a few songs of his. Not only was Bambam incredibly good looking, he was a really good musician too.
A week later, Jungkook found himself surrounded by friends and strangers at the party he had been dreading to go to. He was sipping on his third champagne of the night and couldn't wait for it all to get over. Taehyung, his band mate and best friend dragged him to meet some friends an Jungkook was forced to oblige.
"Hey guys, this is Jungkook, my best friend and out golden maknae" He introduced Jungkook to a tall man with a light tan and two moles on his eye. Jungkook bowed to greet the man who introduced himself as JB.
"Yugyeom! Go call Bam and Youngjae" JB shouted to a guy who looked about Jungkook's age but was incredibly tall and fair. He returned with two other men, one of whom looked familiar to Jungkook. Bambam smirked at Jungkook as JB introduced them to one another.
"Jungkook, this is Bambam, Yugyeom and Youngjae. Three of you, this is Jungkook" He said before stepping away to let the four of them to get to know each other. Jungkook found out he had a lot in common with Yugyeom. Aside from being the maknaes, both of them shared a love for traditional Korean food and bowling.
Youngjae was a fun and bubbly guy. His laugh was absolutely contagious and Jungkook couldn't help but laugh along to the bad jokes that he made. Bambam stayed oddly quiet during the whole conversation till Yugyeom and Youngjae were called away by Shownu of MONSTA X for a photo.
"Not going to say anything to me, are you?" Bambam asked. Jungkook didn't know what to say for the millionth time. He never knew what to say around Bambam and he had only met the man twice.
"Dance with me?" Bambam offered and Jungkook just nodded dumbly. Bambam turned around to let his back rest against Jungkook's chest before placing his hands on his waist. They both danced to the beat, Bambam more confident than Jungkook as he sang off key to the songs being played.
Jungkook's hands stayed put exactly where Bambam placed them, making the silver haired man annoyed. He turned around to look Jungkook in the eye.
"Are you interested or is it just me?" Bambam asked frankly and Jungkook's brain short-circuited. His mouth opened but no words came out and Bambam looked at the man, defeated, before walking away.
It took Jungkook a few minutes to process what happened but he chased after Bambam the moment he did. He looked for the shorter man everywhere but he seemed to have gone missing. Feeling disheartened, Jungkook made his way to the roof of the building to catch some fresh air.
When he reached their, he spotted a familiar gold jacket. Bambam was sitting alone, staring at the night sky. Jungkook quietly sat down next to him and placed his hand over the other's hand.
"I'm sorry I'm not good with words. I've just never seen someone as stunning as you and you just take my breath away. Yes, I'm interested. I would love to get to know you" Jungkook said, refusing to look Bambam in the eyes.
"You're such an idiot" Bambam said before holding Jungkook's face in his hands and crashing their lips together. Jungkook froze for a second but he wasn't going to mess up again and kissed back with fervour. The made out for god-knows-how-long before calling it a night. Jungkook dropped Bambam back to his place since his band mates had already left.
"You're picking me up at 7pm tomorrow" Bambam said as he stepped out of the car.
"I am?" Jungkook questioned. They hadn't spoken of going out on a date but apparently Bambam had decided of his own that they are.
Jungkook made sure to finish his entire schedule by six the next day and rushed back to the dorms to get ready. He spent half his time deciding whag to wear and settled on a pair of jeans, a button up and a bomber jacket all in black.
He quickly fixed his hair and put on some of his favourite perfume before searching for his favourite earrings and putting them on. A little bit of foundation and eyeshadow later, he threw on his black Balenciaga's and ran out the front door.
He reached Bambam's building by 6:55 and waited for him to come down. At dot seven, the man in question emerged and Jungkook's jaw dropped. Bambam wore a black t shirt with skinny jeans, silver heeled boots, a white, brown and blue bomber jacket and a pair of tinted sunglasses. Layers of chains dangled around his slim neck. His hair was styled perfectly and not a single strand of hair was out of place. He smiled at Jungkook as he opened the door of the car and sat down next to him.
"Is there something on my face?" Bambam asked, a smug smile on his face. The question made Jungkook realise that he was staring. He just shook his head, too shy to speak. Bambam looked annoyed at the lack of a reply.
"Will you keep quiet the entire time? I'd much rather go on a date with a bottle of wine if that's the case. At least that would be more interesting" Bambam said with a sad chuckle.
"You can't blame me for not being able to say anything because it's your fault. You need to stop being so perfect for a few minutes for my brain to make cohesive sentences unless you enjoy watching me make a fool of myself" Bambam burst out laughing and that caused a light blush to coat Jungkook's cheeks.
Dinner was a lot of fun. The boys went to a fine dining restaurant and ordered fancy food that was really expensive and not that tasty. After having eaten almost no food and having spent a lot of money, Jungkook suggested to head to a local ramyun shop where they ended up feasting on some cheap kimchi ramyun and two bottles of soju.
"I've never had a date like that. I'm telling you that ramyun place is a hundred times better than the stupid restaurant" Both of them were tipsy but neither was drunk. The liquid courage allowed Jungkook to open up a bit in front of Bambam
"I decided to take you there cause you look like someone why likes to be wine and dined. I'm never taking you out for dinner again, we'll just ordered take out and watch movies" Jungkook muttered making Bambam laugh.
Jungkook could swear on his life that he had never heard anything as beautiful as the silver haired boy's laugh. He had heard some of the best singers in the world thanks to his profession but the way he felt butterflies in his stomach at the sound was surreal.
"I love the gesture but make sure to read the Yelp review before taking me out next time. Also take out and movies sounds better to me. How about we do that tomorrow?" Bambam suggested.
"Calm down, I've literally known you for three days and you're already sounding desperate, geez" Jungkook joked. Deep down he knew that he was just as desperate to meet Bambam. He wanted to see that man everyday of his life. Jungkook had never felt so special in his life the way he did with Bambam.
"Hey, don't lie, you also want to see me. You make me laugh and you're unimaginably cute so I want to hang out with you but you're also really hot and I really want a bit of that ass so I want to date you" Bambam said, his voice a mix of humour and uncertainty.
"First of all, I never thought you'd like my ads that much, but I'm flattered. Second of all, it's me who is getting your ass, not the other way round" Both the men giggled like school girls as they walked back home. They had decided to ditch the car since the weather was cool and the night was beautiful.
"So tomorrow my place at six. Don't be late" Jungkook gave Bambam a gentle kiss on the lips but before he could turn around to leave, Bambam gripped the collar of Jungkook's jacket and pulled him back in, kissing him harshly. By the time both of them pulled away, they were breathless, their lips red and swollen.
At dot six the next day, Jungkook rang the bell outside Bambam's apartment. He had arrived five minutes early and waited outside so that he wouldn't be late. The door unlocked and Bambam let Jungkook in. The latter took off his shoes and took a moment to admire the house.
Bambam's house was a lot like his personality, unpredictable. It was a weird juxtaposition of loud and minimalistic. The main colour palette was made up of blacks and whites but the cat beds were all bright colours. Bambam's many cats sauntered around the living room and the man bent down to pet them every now and then.
Bambam was dressed in what Jungkook called the "casual bam" look. He wore a plain blue turtle neck sweater with large circle thin rimmed glasses and black track pants.
Jungkook had involuntarily matched the outfit, himself dressed in a black turtleneck sweater and black track pants. He helped Bambam carry the bowls of popcorn and chips along with bottles of soju and glasses to the center table in the living room. A large TV covered one wall of the room and a large sofa sat facing it.
"Pick whatever you want to watch, I don't really care" Bambam said before heading back inside. Jungkook scrolled through the films and chose 'Avengers: Age of Ultron' because it was one of his favourite movies of all time. Bambam returned shortly after with a few flyers from local take out places.
"What are you in the mood for?" The silver haired man asked. Looking through the flyers, Jungkook found what he was looking for. Chimaek or chicken and maekju (Korean beer) was one of Jungkook's favourite food combinations.
"How about some chimaek" Jungkook asked and Bambam nodded enthusiastically, saying that he loved the combination. Unfortunately there was no beer at home so Bambam ordered some from the chicken place itself and called up his security guard to pick it up to maintain his privacy.
The two men started watching the film, sitting on either ends of the small couch but as the movie went on, the distance between them reduced. At some point Bambam grabbed a fluffy blanket and threw it over both of them. By the end of the night, Bambam say with his head against Jungkook's chest and the latter's hand wrapped around the smaller man.
"You're really beautiful, you know?" Bambam whispered. Jungkook couldn't resist and placed a small kiss on the smaller man's forehead. Bambam closed his eyes tightly at the action and let out a sigh.
"Maybe but you're the most beautiful person I have ever seen in my life" Jungkook confessed. They may have only known each other for a few days but were falling for each other so quickly that they couldn't believe it themselves.
Despite really wanting to stay over, Jungkook returned to the dorms that night. They both took a moment to speak about what was going on between them and realised that things were happening too quickly. They promised each other that they would take their time to get to know each other before going further.
Even though their busy schedules left them exhausted and without much free time, they had found a rhythm that worked. They met often and went out for dates. It could be as fancy as bar dates at high profile places to as simple as cuddling in bed, reading together.
Every moment Jungkook spent with Bambam, he felt alive in a way he never hand felt before. Even at the young age of 23, Jungkook was always busy with no time for himself. But Bambam changed everything. Through the silver haired man, Jungkook found a part of himself he had buried deep down within. Bambam made him want to be a better person.
Bambam on the other hand felt like he had found his light. As fun loving and carefree as Bambam was, he had a dark side of him full of insecurities and secrets. That part of him ate him on the inside, it made him feel alone and undeserving. But Jungkook made him feel loved, wanted, appreciated.
They both had completed each other as if they were two puzzles with a single missing piece and somehow they fit into each other perfectly. They were meant for each other, it felt like the universe wanted that too.
It was a cozy mid spring evening and Jungkook had decided that he wanted nothing more than to play some music on the speaker in his living room and dance with Bambam. The silver haired man liked the idea and agreed, tapping his feet to the beat, still dressed in pajamas from a day of lazing around.
Things weren't sexual at all between the two men. Jungkook played peppy numbers from both of their discographies like "Attack on Bangtan", "Never Ever", "Go Go" and "Thursday", songs meant to be mindlessly fun.
In those moments, as the diminishing sunlight fell on Bambam's ecstatic face, Jungkook knew that he was deeply and absolutely in love with him. He knew that he would never find home, comfort, love and completeness like this ever again. Jungkook was absolutely whipped for Kunpimook Bhuwakul and his pretty smile and beautiful heart.
"What are you thinking, love?" 'Love', a nickname that Bambam had come up with was music to Jungkook's ears everytime the shorter man said it. They still hadn't confessed their undying love for each other but they knew deep within themselves that they felt the same way.
"I love you" Jungkook finally let the words slip and he wanted to burn the image of Bambam's reaction in his brain forever. The silver haired man gasped before crashing his lips against Jungkook's in a soft, loving kiss.
"Took you long enough to say it. I love you too, you idiot" Jungkook giggled at the comment before taking Bambam's lips back to his. He stepped back till they both fell onto the couch, Bambam straddling him. For the first time, Jungkook let his hands wander from the small of his back up to his neck and down to curve of his ass.
"You going to fuck me now or what?' Jungkook's breath hitched at the boldness of his boyfriend.
Boyfriend, that's what they called each other now. He doesn't remember when it happened. That's a complete lie, he remembers the exact day, hour and minute it happened, the time he asked Bambam properly to be his boyfriend in the most cheesy way he knew how.
It was on a cold December morning, Jungkook had just moved out of the dorms and into Bambam's apartment. The latter had a busy schedule while the former had the day off and so Jungkook decided to spend his time doing something worthwhile. After a lot of shopping, which he was horrible at and crafting, which he was also horrible at, he was ready and waited patiently for Bambam to come home.
The moment the silver haired man stepped inside, he knew something was up. The living room was decorated with his favourite flowers, cute pictures of the two of them hung off walls and a bucket of ice with a bottle of wine sat on the center table. Next to the wine was a wrapped present.
"Jungkook?" Bambam called out to no avail. The man sat down and opened the box I'm front of him and gasped. Inside was a simple chain with a large pendent with the words "DoubleB" covered with diamonds on it. Tears welled up in his eyes as he remembered the day he told Jungkook that he always wanted something special with his famous tagline on it.
"You like it?" Jungkook asked nervously. He had flown to LA for a few shoots a couple of months prior and stopped by one of the most famous jewlers in the city who was well know for making pieces for celebrities and rappers. He spoke to the owner with the help of his interpreter and designed the pendant himself.
Due to the complexity of the design and all the specifications unfortunately, it wasn't finished in time for Jungkook to take it back home with him but he was promised it would be delivered to his doorstep as soon as possible.
"I absolutely love it" Bambam said, getting up from the couch to give Jungkook a seating kiss filled with love and affection.
"Bambam, will you be my boyfriend?" Jungkook asked nervously. He knew he had nothing to fear and that Bambam loved him the same way he did but he was still scared.
"As if I wasn't already your boyfriend since that time you took me to that ramyun shop after ditching that fancy restaurant. Yes, I would love to be your boyfriend, Jungkook" Bambam said and Jungkook let out a scream of delight before covering his face with kisses.
That memory brought butterflies to Jungkook's stomach as he nibbled on this boyfriend's lower lip before nodding. He lifted Bambam up easily, giving him a chance to wrap his legs around his waist before carrying him to the bedroom.
Jungkook gently dropped the silver haired man onto the bed. He discarded his t shirt before doing the same for his boyfriend. Crawling onto the bed and hovering over Bambam, Jungkook kissed him with all his heart. He poured his soul into the kiss as if Bambam would disappear if he didn't.
Bambam's fingers trailed over the taught muscled of Jungkook's back as he kissed him with the same amount of love and passion. He couldn't believe this was actually happening. Bambam tangled his legs with Jungkook's before putting all his body weight into flipping them over, pressing Jungkook into the mattress.
He made his was down Jungkook's body, biting and kissing every part of him as if he wanted them printed in his mind, which he did. He knew he couldn't leave marks but he left a few small ones just under Jungkook's navel where his pelvic bone sat. Bambam slowly tugged down Jungkook's pants to reveal his already wet boxers.
"Do you not have anything that's not black? Like seriously dude, ever heard of colour?" Bambam joked as he traced his fingers around Jungkook's erection which caused the snarky reply to get stuck in Jungkook's throat. Bambam peeled the boxers off Jungkook and too a moment to admire his boyfriend's cock.
It was really big are really pretty. He instinctively wrapped his hands around it, giving it a few experimental tugs. The moan that escaped Jungkook's lips was the sweetest sound Bambam had ever heard. He was about to take Jungkook's cock in his mouth when a hand weaved through his hair to stop him.
"Don't feel pressured to do it if you don't want to" Jungkook said and Bambam smiled so genuinely at the man that he physically felt his heart melt. But before he could comprehend what was happening, warmth enveloped him in such an overwhelming manner that he curled his toes and fisted the sheets.
Bambam worked diligently up and down Jungkook's cock as he gave him head. He was enjoying the process almost as much if not more than Jungkook. It just felt so right to him. The warmth, the weight and the sweet taste, all of it was perfect against Bambam's tongue.
Bambam moaned as he licked away the precum at the tip of Jungkook's cock and the vibrations shot right through Jungkook's body, making him keen with pleasure. He tugged on Bambam's hair to pull him off, eliciting a whine from him.
"I'm not going to last if you keep doing that, Bam" Jungkook said, pulling his boyfriend in for another passionate kiss. Jungkook flipped them over once more and settled between Bambam's legs. He looked entranced by the way his pucker clenched as Jungkook brought his finger near it.
Leaning over Bambam, he opened the drawer of his nightstand to pull out a condom and a bottle lube. He hooked the silver haired man's legs over his shoulders and brought his face as close as he could to Bambam's warm skin, nipping at his thighs for a moment before dipping right in to lick his hole.
Bambam squirmed and moaned as Jungkook ate him out. The taller man was extremely skilled with his tongue and fingers and it made Bambam's knees buckle. The moans that left Bambam's lips were music to Jungkook's ears and he wanted nothing more but to listen to the all day.
"Kook, fuck me, now" Bambam heaved, pausing in between to take breaths. He was panting harshly, chest rising and falling at a steady pace. Jungkook merely nodded before letting go of Bambam's thighs and grabbing the condom. He tore the packet with his teeth and slipped it into his cock.
Lining himself up with Bambam's hole, he looked into his boyfriend's eyes one last time to see if he wanted to back out. Seeing only lust and need in his eyes, he took a deep breath before pushing in. Bambam's back arched and Jungkook's name escapes his lips as he bottomed out.
Neither of them ever thought they'd ever feel something like this in their life time. Pleasure and love morphed into a euphoric sensation that no one could describe. Jungkook had heard sex being described as 'two becoming one flesh' and never believed it till he felt what it was like being inside Bambam.
They were both drug addicts looking for their next highs. Something almost animalistic took over Jungkook as his eyes glazed over and he pulled almost all the way out before shoving right back in roughly. He had no control over his body as he pounded into Bambam.
The sound of Jungkook's balls slapping against Bambam's ass and slick from the lube filled the room. Jungkook had thought that Bambam was the most beautiful thing alive but when he saw his face contorted in sheer pleasure, he was sure that he would never see anythingas beautiful ever again.
Bambam was first to cum, Jungkook's hand wrapped tightly around his member, stroking steadily. The was he clenched around the taller man made him tumble over the edge moments after his boyfriend. Jungkook reluctantly pulled out and collapsed next to Bambam, basking in the after glow of his orgasm.
"Wow, I can't believe waited so long for that" Jungkook whispered. He looked over to see Bambam staring out of the floor to ceiling window in their room, gazing at the moon. Stars could rarely be seen with the amount of fog and pollution in Seoul but two twinkling lights were visible in the vast darkness.
"It was well worth it, though. I'd do it all over again for you if I had to" Bambam muttered. Jungkook pulled out a pack of wet wipes form his drawer and cleaned both of them up before pulling the duvet over their still naked bodies. He snuggled against Bambam, pressing his head against the man's chest.
"When did you become the romantic in the relationship, huh?" Jungkook chuckled as Bambam absent mindedly played with his hair. They shared those few minutesn of silence with small smiles on their faces. The quietness was never awkward, they were comforting to say the least.
Bambam and Jungkook both had loud, outgoing personalities that rarely ever gave them time to calm down, sit quiet and reflect. After meeting each other though, their best memories were sitting together without saying a word to each other, warm and satisfied.
They both fell into a simple, borderline boring schedule of waking up together, cooking breakfast for each other, enjoying coffee and talking about life in the mornings followed by dinner and maybe a round or two of sex in the evenings.
After the first time, their intimate times were rarely ever so soft and mushy. Though just as passionate, they had gotten to learn a bit about each other's kinkier sides and learned to embrace that. They both were madly in love to say the least and nothing was going to change that, at least not for a while.
Things started going downhill the day Bambam introduced Jungkook to Cha Eunwoo, who was Bambam's best friend. They both had met each other when they were still trainees and had gotten along quite well. Enwoo was stunning to say the least, with his undeniable charm and drop dead gorgeous looks.
The three of them met over dinner the first time, Bambam having invited Eunwoo to join them. The whole time Bambam was laughing at Eunwoo's jokes and messing around with him. It wasn't like he ignored Jungkook though, he was too sensible for that. He included his boyfriend in every conversation and asked for his opinion on topics they discussed.
Jungkook didn't feel jealous during the dinner but he felt empty. Eunwoo was everything he wasn't and couldn't be. He was considerate, knowing Bambam's order by heart and ordering it for him, kind, caring and attentive. Jungkook felt all his insecurities bubble up from deep within.
None of them were like his old ones about not being good enought to be an idol or a role model. They were all about how he wasn't good enough for Bambam. He couldn't remember Bambam's favourite drink, he didn't know his favourite song, heck he even forgot his birthday once.
After a year and a half of being connected at the hip, he realised he barely knew anything about his boyfriend. Eunwoo on the other hand knew him inside out. He knew his favourite Backstreet Boys member and his biggest pet peeves. He even bought a small brooch for Bambam which had two snakes on it, his signature logo.
Jungkook thought day in and day out how Bambam would be happier with Eunwoo. The latter was single and looking for love, as he put it. Eunwoo even confessed to Jungkook about the crush he had on Bambam back when they were trainees when Jungkook and him were waiting for Bambam to get dressed.
Without trying to, he started growing distant with Bambam. He would stay late at the company practicing or producing even when his hyungs repeatedly told him to go home. He stopped responding to Bambam's texts and rarely ever took his calls. He started sleeping at the dorms some nights as it was closer to the company.
Bambam thought it was his fault that Jungkook was ignoring him. He tried to think of everything that happened over the course of the previous few months to figure out what he did wrong. When Jungkook stopped responding, he called Taehyung up to check on him every now and then.
Jungkook effectively stopped eating. He lost weight rapidly and barely had the strength to practice. He also didn't sleep because the moment he closed his eyes the thought of Bambam and Eunwoo together and that picture ate him alive. The members tried everything to talk to him but he shut them all out.
Bambam grew worried about his boyfriend. He crashed at Eunwoo's place for a few days as he hated how empty their shared home felt. The brought Cupcake, Latte, Pudding and King, his cats, over to Eunwoo's place and cried to him about how much he missed Jungkook.
Completely frustrated and angry out of his mind, Bambam walked into the BigHit biding and demanded that he be taken to Jungkook. Taehyung led him to one of the dance practice rooms inside the building before he gave Bambam a reassuring smile and left. Taking a deep breath in, he opened the door.
Inside he found Jungkook dancing to BTS's new song. No, that man couldn't be his Jungkook. The person in front of him was way thinner than his boyfriend. Dark circles sat under his eyes and his hair was flying everywhere. There was no passion in the way he danced, almost as if he was doing it because he was forced to do so.
Jungkook looked like a ghost to Bambam. He had never seen his boyfriend like that and it scared the daylight out of him. Jungkook hadn't yet noticed Bambam come in because he was absorbed in trying to get the moves right which he couldn't because he could barely move his body properly.
Bambam quickly snuck around the room and turned the music off, causing Jungkook to sigh and turn to Bambam thinking it was one the hyungs trying to get him to stop. He opened his mouth to say something but as soon as his eyes fell of his boyfriend, he stopped. He stared at the man for a solid minute before collapsing.
Bambam ran towards his boyfriend who's body crumpled to the floor. He held onto Jungkook as he cried for help as he tried to get him to wake up. Jungkook's eyes were shut and his body boneless and Bambam felt his eyes well up as he saw the state his boyfriend was in.
Why didn't he come sooner? Why didn't he take care of his boyfriend? Why didn't he notice that he was suffering? These thoughts ran around Bambam's head as he sat outside Jungkook's room in the hospital, waiting for the doctor to come out.
"Who are you?" The doctor asked and Bambam introduced himself as Jungkook's boyfriend. He asked is the man was fine and the doctor sighed.
"Mr Jeon was excessively sleep deprived, he was starving himself and over working which led to him collapsing. We will have to keep him here for a day or two but after that he's good to go. We need to make sure he rests and eats well but otherwise he should be okay" The doctor explained and permitted Bambam to go inside.
Bambam ran inside to see Jungkook staring at the ceiling quietly. The man dragged a chair near the bed and sat down, a sigh escaping his mouth. Before he could way anything, Jungkook spoke.
"Sorry" He wishpered, his voice broken. Bambam saw tears well up in his boyfriend's eyes as he turned to look at him. Jungkook looked like he have walked out of his grave. He was exhausted beyond belief and the only person he both wanted and didn't want to see was Bambam.
"Why? Why? Why did you do this to yourself? Why did you do this to me? What did I do wrong? Why were you ignoring me?" Bambam cried as he hit Jungkook's chest lightly with his fist. He felt so drained as he saw the suffering in Jungkook's face.
"You did nothing wrong, love. It's all my fault. It's my fault that I made you suffer, that I didn't think of you when I did this and my fault that I was never good enough for you" Jungkook cried as well, letting the weeks of anger and frustration seep out of him.
"What are you talking about? Who told you you weren't enough for me? You're my whole world, Jungkook. I can't live without you, you're my everything" Bambam's words just made Jungkook cry harder. He wrapped his hands around the silver haired man and balled his eyes out.
"No one said anything to me, Kun. It's just, when I met Eunwoo, I felt like he was everything you needed and deserved. I was no where as considerate, kind and attentive as he was. He even told me once that he had a crush on you and I felt like you two would be perfect together. I'm not good enough for you, Bam. You deserve so, so much better than me. I feel like I'm dead weight that's dragging you down. I couldn't even ask you out the first time, you had to prompt me. You deserve a man who knows you inside out, who buys you that Gucci jacket you wanted for your birthday and takes you out for a date not a man who completely forgets it. I was so lost in my own world of doubts and insecurities that I didn't realise that I no longer possessed the strength to look you in the eye and call you my boyfriend because I'm not worth it" Jungkook poured his heart out to Bambam once he was done crying.
Bambam looked at Jungkook as if he had lost his mind. He laughed out loud but those laughs quickly morphed into sobs and soon he was weeping. Jungkook held him close to his chest and wiped his tears away.
"Why are you such a god damn idiot? I hate you so much. Eunwoo is my best friend and he has and will never be any more than that to me. You're all I need and you're way more than I deserve, Kook. It's my fault if I ever made you feel like you weren't enough because lord I can't breathe without you. Seeing you like this is killing me on he inside. Please don't do this ever again. I love you so much I'll marry you right here, right now if you want me to. I don't care if you forgot my birthday. Do you remember why you did? You were busy with the comeback and wanted it to be perfect for me. There's nothing more I could want. If being with you means you and I becoming better people for each other, I'd happily have you forget my birthday. I want to spend the rest of eternity with you and nothing is going to come in the middle of that. " Bambam said between sobs.
Jungkook held Bambam's face and kissed him as tears ran down both their cheeks. It was as if Jungkook learned how to breathe again as his lungs burned due to the lack of oxygen. He didn't pull away till Bambam started whining. They looked at each other as if there was no one else in this world but them, here for each other.
Three days later Jungkook was discharged from the hospital and Bambam took him straight to his place. Both of them took a week off and Bambam got his cats and clothes back from Eunwoo's place. They spent the week cuddling and confessing their undying love to each other over and over again.
By the end of those seven days, Jungkook emerged as a normal human again. He had gained some colour back and most of his energy too. Fans noticed the difference quickly as he started posting on Twitter and going live more often.
Bambam stayed by his side the entire time, cheering him on. Both GOT7 and BTS had a successful comeback each and they were doing better than ever. But most importantly, Bambam and Jungkook were doing better than ever.
They communicated more and spoke their hearts out when something went wrong or they needed to let off some steam. Jungkook paid more attention to the little things and Bambam gave him more space when he needed it. They grew to understand each others insecurities and help when required.
Three years after they started dating, Dispatch released photos of them kissing and they decided it was time they finally came out to the public. Jungkook posted a picture of Bambam and Jungkook holding hands and looking at each other and went live on VLive to let the world know that they were in fact dating.
Both BigHit and JYP put out official statements confirming everything and although coming out as gay in Korea was difficult, it was well worth it. The fans supported their relationship and so did both the groups and the companies.
Six years after Jungkook met Bambam for the first time, he had to leave for his military service and he decided he wasn't leaving without handling some unfinished business.
Bambam came back home one day to see Taehyung dressed in a suit waiting for him. He handed the man a box and asked him to change quickly. Inside the box was a brand new, Gucci suit. Once he was ready, Taehyung dragged him to the car and started driving. Even after trying to figure out what was happening by pestering Taehyung, he had no idea where they were heading and why.
"Just trust me, Bammie. We're almost there" Taehyung comforted Bambam before stopping the car in front of the luxury mall Bambam visited often. They both stepped out and Taehyung dragged him to the Gucci store. Inside the store, the racks had been cleared and two dinner tables were set up, one small one with seating for two and a long one with seating for twelve.
"Kun?" Bambam turned to see Jungkook standing behind him with a huge smile on his face. He took Bambam's hand and guided him to the table before sitting down opposite to him. Once they were settled, the rest of their band members walked in and sat down on the long table.
"Six years ago I saw a man in this very store who absolutely took my breath away. He was the most perfect person I had ever met in my life. His name was Kunpimook Bhuwakul but he went by Bambam and honestly he was annoying as hell. But he turned out to be just the man I needed. Bam, I love you so much and I can't describe in words how amazing the last six years have been. I still remember the day I asked you to be my boyfriend and they day I first told you that I loved you. You make everything better and I can't imagine spending a day without you, let alone two years. I know that I've not been the greatest boyfriend in the world but I'd die for you if I had to. I remember the words you said to me that day in the hospital when I almost starved myself to death and now I realise, I agree with you. I want to spend the rest of eternity with you by my side. Things will be hard along the way and I will be annoying as always and so will you but I can't imagine myself doing anything else. I love you with every ounce of my being and I want you to be my yesterday, today and tomorrow, forever. Bambam, Kunpimook Bhuwakul, whateveryour god damn name is cause I couldn't pick one, will you marry me?"
Bambam just nodded because his brain was unable to make cohesive sentences. Jungkook slipped the ring that he had gotten custom made for Bambam onto his fingers and pulled him into a tight embrace. The boys cheered and made a ruckus as they celebrated their best friends' engagement.
They spent the night drinking and eating and having fun together. Youngjae, Jin and Jimin tool turns singing cute love songs for the couple while Jaebum sang his iconic song 'Deeper' as foreshadowing for the activities that had been left for later that night.
By the time Jungkook and Bambam got home, it was almost two in the morning. That didn't stop them from falling into bed and peeling each other's clothes off. Jungkook made love the Bambam that night, whispering sweet nothings into his ear. They layed tangled in each others arms afterwards when Bambam finally spoke up.
"I don't know how I'll survive the next two years without you but I will and we'll get married the day you come back. The only sad part will be the crew cut you'll sport in our wedding photos, I like your long hair better" Bambam joked and placed a peck on Jungkook's lips.
"At least I'll have hair. I'm sure you'd have pulled all of yours out by the time I'm back out of loneliness" Bambam hit Jungkook on the chest for the comment and Jungkook just chuckled.
"Jungkook?" Bambam whispered.
"Yes baby?"
"I love you"
"I love you too, for the rest of eternity"
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Forgiveness is a Four-Letter-Word
Crowley watches the bookshop for Aziraphale when a certain celestial being he would have rather never seen again walks into the shop.
ao3 link (x)
Crowley is bored as hell. Aziraphale is bored as hell. He, she, they are bored as hell. It's never a phrase that made any sense to Crowley. On a figurative level, he understands what it's supposed to mean— life at the moment was just as, if not more, boring than eternity. However, in a literal sense, hell is anything other than boring. Despite whatever an out looker may think when gazing upon the endless dark corridors of Hell, nothing about that place was boring. A demon can't get relaxed enough to be bored in hell, not with the murderers and torturers that watch your every move, all of them refusing to trust you for a second. They would all glee at the chance to kill him, Satan's favorite, but none of them will until they are sure they can get away with it. No, hell is anything other boring. Or maybe that’s just the way it is for Crowley. He's never fit in down there, or up there to come to think of it.
It took Crowley six thousand years before he found a place where he didn’t have to act a certain amount of heavenly or hellish, and he found that place in A. Z. Fell's Antique Bookshop. The coming week after the Apocalypse that never happened was begun with the realization that he could not safely return home. Ligur's bubbling puddle of demon goo and holy water made his apartment far too risky for him to reside in. So, while his apartment got expertly cleaned by a crew who by no small number of miracles didn’t ask questions about the strange puddle in his doorway, Crowley found himself staying on Aziraphale's couch. Aziraphale had offered the bed, but Crowley didn’t sleep as much as his angel did anyways. He doesn’t find the comfort sleep it that Aziraphale enjoys every night for eight hours. It was kind of Aziraphale to let him stay on his couch, but Crowley can't help and feel displeasure towards their sleeping arrangements for putting so much distance between them. A place to sleep nearby Aziraphale would have been more suited to Crowley's tastes— after all, Aziraphale's bed is the perfect place between too soft and too firm, and it is large, much too large for one angel. Still, despite what Crowley wants, he will wait for Aziraphale to invite him. Being on their own side is new and terrifying to his angel, and he's already waited six thousand years to be this close with him. What's six thousand more? Well, it seems to be starting off with him watching the storefront while Aziraphale goes out to meet with some book dealer about some first edition prophecy book. Crowley doesn't see the purpose in having a book that predicts the future after they recently had The Prophecy Book, but when he asked Aziraphale why he needs it the only answer he got was that he "just does." At first, Crowley had been excited to watch the shop and scare off customers in new and creative ways, but thanks to Aziraphale's unruly hours of operation, no one was coming in. He resorts himself to flipping through the children's books that Adam left when he clicked the reboot button. The story was entertaining enough, but Crowley can't stand reading. If Aziraphale doesn’t return soon Crowley is going to build a fort using the religious scripts to keep himself entertained. The mere fact that he's actually excited when the door chimes to announces a new visitor shows how desperate he is for something to do. "Well, hello." Crowley nearly buzzes from the excitement at ruining another sale, scarring another customer away forever. "What can I tempt you with tod..." There's a woman in the shop. At least that's what most people see— a woman in a white pantsuit with golden irises. But, Crowley knows that person— knows that it’s Her. He hasn’t seen Her since she stood over Crowley and ten million other pre-fallen angels. She looked at them with a scowl filled only with disappointment, and She had looked at everyone but him. "Hello," She smiles— Crowley's never seen Her smile before. "It's been a long time. What's the name you've been going by again?" "Crowley," he answers Her automatically. The emotion of seeing the Almighty, Creator of Worlds, and Keeper of The Great and Ineffable Plans are not dissimilar to seeing an old schoolteacher in the grocery store. Now, Crowley has never been to a public high school— though he did pride himself for inventing a cold, concrete building filled to the brim with angst-ridden teenagers— so, he's never actually gone through the experience of failing a class. However, standing face to face with Her, he feels the same way an ex-student would facing their Calculus teacher after failing the final. Except he failed Her in a much more dire way. "Crowley," his name slips off Her tongue without any inflection to hint at a negative or positive reaction towards his demonic name. "Unfortunately, we'll have to make this quick. I've been very busy since the failed Armageddon." His back straightens, but he doesn't prepare to fight or flee. Even if he wanted to attempt it, running from Her was pointless. "Are you here to kill me? Make sure Heaven still gets a win." She runs Her hands across the bindings of Aziraphale's collection; he wants to tell Her to stop. "No, actually I hoped we could talk. The three of us." Behind his sunglasses, Crowley's glares at Her. "He doesn't belong to you anymore.” When She holds up Her hand Crowley stops talking. “Don’t worry, I’m not here to bring him back. I’m quite pleased with the work Aziraphale has been doing on Earth.” “Then why are you here?” The shop’s bell goes off again and in stumbles Aziraphale with a stack of antique books that went all the way up to his chin. His hair is a curled mess, and he’s already rambling to Crowley— unaware of their visitor— about how incredibly rude his book dealer acted towards him. All the hesitance he had towards having Crowley as his guest disappeared days ago and the angel had grown quite used to his presence. His actual schedule hadn’t changed— one of the things he was most concerned about. Aziraphale still spent the afternoons reading in silence, but now he did so as Crowley drank wine and swayed to his vinyl. It’s a nice life. It’s a boring life. Certainly, one where he doesn’t expect the Almighty to be standing about in his bookshop. “Oh my. Lord, you’re here.” He’s frazzled, attempts to bow but he’s unable to do much more than nod his head. Aziraphale looks between Her and Crowley before dread washes over him. “Are you here to kill him?” She smirks at Aziraphale’s direct question. He’s gotten bold, She thinks. “No, I'm afraid my smiting days are over. I came because I have an offer,” gold eyes turn to Crowley, “for you. Saving the world deserves a reward, does it not?” Crowley’s almost at a loss for words. “A reward for ruining your Great Plan, saving the humans that you wanted dead." "I never wanted them dead." "What?" Aziraphale asked. "Is it that much of a shock? I did create them for a larger purpose than to kill them all off after six thousand years." She pulls a little memo pad out of Her suit pocket. The words "INEFFABLE PLAN" are written in marker on the front. "You've always had such a way with words, Aziraphale. I hope you don’t mind me stealing one of them." "Not at all." "What offer?" Behind his sunglasses, Crowley's irises find a way to constrict even more than they already had before. "What could Heaven possibly have that I would want?" "Forgiveness." Now, a long time ago, before the written history of the world, She had shunned half of Her angels. Crowley had fallen into a boiling pit of sulfur and felt his wings burn into blackened, broken appendages on his back. Angels like Aziraphale can travel by their wings should they ever feel the need, but most don't find the need to as they linger around their own respective corners of Heaven or their Soho area bookshop. Hypothetically, demons can also fly. However, flying for demons is a painful experience, like sprinting on a once broken ankle that never quite healed. They were unhealable by any demonic or angelic miracle, in fact, most demons lost the wings all together in the fall. Only God can heal them with Her forgiveness. Three words. That's all it would take. However, She has never forgiven one of the Fallen before, and there were no indications that She ever would. Satan had once been Her favorite child, and if She could not find it in her to forgive him the other angels stood no chance. That being said, most do not care for forgiveness. Most meant to fall. "Forgiveness?" "You mean he'd be an angel again?" Aziraphale puts the books down and goes to stand near Crowley who processes Her words. "Is that even possible?" "If it isn't I'll make it possible. Perks of being the creator of everything." She levels Crowley with a look. "I've missed you. The others aren’t the same without you, you know." "Oh, believe me," Crowley spits out. "I have seen what they call heavenly these days. Burning a Principality with hellfire for averting war and saving their holier-than-thou lives? When did that become acceptable behavior?" "Everything played out exactly as it was supposed to happen." She steps forward and puts a hand on Crowley's cheek, not deterred when he flinches back on instinct. "I miss you, Ra—" Crowley pushes Her hand away. "Don't. That isn't who I am anymore. My name is Crowley." "Your name was Raphael, and it can be again." She says. Crowley has yet to look over to Aziraphale since his heavenly name was uttered by the Almighty. Should he glance over he would see Aziraphale looking at him like he had placed the final piece of a puzzle that he had assembled blindfolded. The task is a truly daunting one, and once all the colorful pieces are stuck together and the blindfold is removed the puzzle solver is shocked. The image that they had created in their mind of what all the little cardboard pieces look like does not reflect the actual image. The shock isn't necessarily bad or unsatisfying, rather it is unexpected. "You're an archangel." He says softly. "Not anymore." Crowley uses that tone he reserves for when he still attempts to sound cool and not let on that he's affected by the events around him. It's a tone that always breaks Aziraphale's heart. "I don't have a side anymore." "You've always been on my side. Even fallen, you were loyal to me." "I did not fall." The words roll off his tongue just as all the most comfortable lies do. She smiles in Her all-knowing way— snide, clever, and slightly tragic around the edges. "You did fall, Raphael. It's the hardest decision I've ever had to make, choosing you." The air stills in a metaphorical sense, or maybe a literal one as well. Crowley has always been a powerful demon, more powerful than Aziraphale could fully understand, until now at least. The possibility of a shock that intense causing Crowley to unintentionally freeze time around them is not something he would put past his demonic partner. "What do you mean?" Aziraphale asks, takes a step ahead and puts Crowley behind him. "You chose him to fall?" "The antichrist needed both Heaven and Hell on his side," She looks to Crowley. "You understand. Don't you?" "Say it." Crowley sneers; his hand reaches towards Aziraphale's. He's surprised when Aziraphale reaches back to take it. "I want to hear you say it." "What would that accomplish?" "Just say it, Mother." Aziraphale holds his breath. He knows what he's about to hear. "I created you to heal them, even as a demon you can't escape that part of you. So, when I told the Archangels the Great Plan, the plan to kill all the humans, I knew you would seek other options. Question me. You couldn't help it." She holds out Her hand to him. "Now it's time to come home." They don't move, neither one of them. Well, that isn't entirely true. They do move their hands. Crowley and Aziraphale grasp each other’s hands, and they don't take a single step towards Her. She retracts her hand; the smirk doesn't fade away. "Think about it." Then, She's leaves. There's no puff of smoke or flash of light; She walks out the same door that She came in, enters a taxi, and goes wherever all-power creators go on their days off. Behind Aziraphale, Crowley's chest heaves and watches the taxi until it's gone. At the present moment, Aziraphale can't tell if Crowley is angry, relieved, or heartbroken by the unexpected reminder of his lost grace and status. He doesn't look to Aziraphale drops his hand and backs away. "Crowley," Aziraphale keeps his voice kind and soft as he speaks. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know." "I didn't want you to know," Crowley says. "I haven't been that person in a long time. Don't even remember what it feels like, not really." "Do you miss it?" It's an odd sort of question, the one where the answer should be yes but should also be no. Answer yes to prove that he regrets his demonic form, which is true on some level, but he doesn't regret the freedom he obtained after the fall. Freedom to go where he liked, when he liked, and with who he liked. Though he thinks that maybe saying no would be more along the lines of what Aziraphale would expect to hear. Tell him that he couldn't fathom being a celestial again and that he would hate nothing more. That the thought of having that power, that acceptance, that warmth... It should repulse him. He wants it to make him sick, but it doesn't. "I, well, it comes and goes." Flashes of white wings fly through his mind. They looked so much like Aziraphale's. Perfect in every way imaginable. "I'm sorry, Angel." "For what?" "Keeping this from you. I wanted to tell you a thousand times, but I didn't know if you would believe me. I wouldn't even believe me." He takes off his sunglasses and rubs his tired eyes. Aziraphale doesn't deny the initial implausibility of Crowley's angelic identity. "I believe you; you'd never lie to me, Crowley. But they told me that Raphael, that you were out there, healing people." "That," Crowley sighs as he drops onto the couch, "was Gabriel's work. A desperate attempt to keep the masses from panicking over two archangels falling from grace. Not a bad plan, though I'm surprised Gabriel was able to keep his mouth shut about the whole thing. Talk about a glory hound." "Crowley, slow down." Aziraphale interrupts before he can go on a longer tirade. He takes Crowley's hand back in his own. "I don't believe your life has been very kind to you, my dear." Crowley nods because there is nothing left to say. When Aziraphale sits down beside him, Crowley looks upon the wrinkles and dimples that he could picture with perfect clarity if he closed his eyes, even if he had not seen Aziraphale in a thousand years. He committed Aziraphale to memory millennia ago. He wonders if Aziraphale has done the same, and had he been able to read the angel's mind, seen the blinding light that shines in Aziraphale's mind when he imagines him, Crowley would have known how silly of a question that was in the first place. "Oh," Crowley takes Aziraphale's hand. "I don't know. I think I've been pretty lucky, given the circumstances." They smile at each other. Outside a bird's song floats in through the open window, and by some miracle, London is peaceful enough to hear a Nightingale sing.
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Bucket List || chapter 6
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Pairing: Roger x Reader
Summary: Roger and Reader are good friends but for roger, it is becoming much more than a friendship. He tries to ignore his feelings but the heart wants what it wants.
chapter 1 || chapter 2 || chapter 3 || chapter 4 || chapter 5 
Warnings (per chapter): mention/experience of a mild panic attack, shitty writing? smut, and unprotected sex (So some parts are 18+), lots of cursing. Explicit or triggering scenes are marked as following: [!!!] = beginning [!] = end.
Word count (per chapter): 5k
A/N: I hope this doesn't suck. Because I kinda feel like it does. Please let me know your thoughts! (If you want me to continue with this because idk, I rather write one-shots. I’m too unstable for this sometimes?)
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Chapter 6 ‘The One Where Some People Find Out’
“Oh...my...god. I WAS RIGHT!” Emily almost screamed.
You both flinched, and you almost fell onto the ground. Suddenly not having Rogers’ arms holding you.
It was awfully silent for what felt like an eternity before spoke up: “I-it’s not what you thin-” Roger stammered.
“No, uhm, Em-” you began
“Shut up! Both of you! Don’t even try to talk around this.” Emily interrupted. “I fucking witnessed you kissing! And don’t go telling me it’s just a friends thing because ‘friends’ don’t do that!” She said, making air quotes with her fingers.
You gulped as you shared a look with Roger.
“Why are you two being so secretive about this anyways? It’s not like someone’s gonna murder you. To be honest it was quite inevitable.” She said. “Well? Are you two gonna say anything or what?”
“I- Uhm. Well- “ you stammered.
“Use your words, sweetie.” She coed and you shot her an angry look.
“Just don’t tell the guys okay?” Roger suddenly said. “Not yet.”
“Why not?” She said, frowning her brows.
“Just...don’t.”
"Okay? Fine! You guys are no fun!" Emily said before, much to your relief --- and surprise, she proceeded to walk away. As she walked past you she softly whispered in your ear that she thought it was very cute.
When you were alone again (well not alone, you're in a museum so…) things felt very awkward, to say the least. Your heart was pounding in your chest.
It’s just your best friend you told yourself, but still, you felt like you’d been caught doing something really bad.
[!!!]
You were definitely overreacting. And you tried to calm yourself down, by focussing on your breathing. But it didn’t seem to help. It was like you were paralyzed. Like someone had pushed a button in you.
“Hey, hey are you okay love?” Roger said, concern in his voice.
“I’m fine!” You said in a higher-pitched voice than normal. That wasn’t convincing.
“No, you’re not! I can see it in your eyes and you’re breathing like you just finished running a marathon!” He said, but that wasn’t helping at all.
In an instant, you felt his hand grabbing yours and then he was dragging you through the museum. Trying to get you outside to a less crowded spot. And you ended up in an empty corner near the staircase.
Roger grabbed both your hands and looked into your eyes intensely, trying to get your attention.
“You need to breathe okay? Don’t want you to faint again.” He said.
You nodded and he started giving you orders “So inhale….aaaand exhale for me, okay love?” he said, moving his hands and yours up and down. You did that for some time until you were calm again.
[!]
“What was that?” He said, lightly squeezing your hands, still a concerned look on his face.
“I-I don’t know.” You stammered. “I really don’t know. I-I snapped. I mean it’s just Em. I don’t know why.” You said in a fragile voice.
“It’s okay.” He said, pulling you in for a hug. Your mouth lightly pressed into his shoulder and you could smell his cologne. The smell was pleasant, calming.
“Why didn’t we want to tell the others again?” You suddenly murmured.
“Because we weren’t sure what this was/is.” He said.
“Oh, yeah, right.”
“And how long has it been? A week? Probably less.” He added.
“I think so.” You mumbled.
“And you wanted to take things slow. Remember? Not that we’ve been particularly successful at that.” He chuckled and you felt the vibrations of his voice against your chest. This was nice.
“You feel better love?”
“I think so.” You said, and you lifted your head up. “Please don’t tell Emily about this. I really don’t know why I freaked out. Also after? What is that? And I’m sorry you still always end up needing to help me.“ You rambled. “Sorry...I...make no sense.” You said softly, shaking your head.
“It’s okay sweetheart.‘You wanna go back?”
“Yeah,” you nodded.
So you ended up going back to looking at all the art, and you didn’t dare to kiss Roger in public for the rest of the day.
After you were done you ate in the park that surrounded the museum. And now everyone was sitting very close to each other, chatting about the day thus far. Brian, Roger and Freddie were discussing god knows what; Emily had settled on laying on Deaky’s lap --- It had surprised you how easy Emily had integrated into the group. She got along very well with the boys. Especially John for some reason. Mary was leaning on her hands with her eyes closed, enjoying the sun; and you were sitting next to Roggie boy while he talked to his bandmates, subtly holding your hand. He turned his attention to you when you suddenly released his hand.
“What ‘you gonna do?” He asked.
“Grab my camera. This looks so cozy and cute.” You smiled.
So you grabbed your camera out of your bag and pushed against the little lever with your thumb. You took some pictures of the lot, smiling behind your camera. They looked lovely with their colorful summery clothes and a smile on their faces.
The rest of the day you spend walking through the city and you ended up in a shop which sold the most beautiful clothing. Way too expensive. There was absolutely no way you were able to afford it, but you could always try things on, just for fun.
The guys were happy that there was a big leather couch in the shop where they could sit since...well you were most likely going to spend quite some time trying on all the stuff. It was a rather tiny couch, but that didn’t seem to be an issue for them. It always surprised you how little they cared about their personal space. So now they were basically sitting on each other chatting about some new song ideas, because why not?
You walked out almost simultaneously, and the boys fell silent.
“You look lovely darlings!” Freddie cheered, seemingly mesmerized by the beautiful clothing pieces.
When you met Rogers' gaze you saw his mouth curl up into the cutest smile and he couldn’t help but bite his lip a little.
“Yes, you lady's indeed look stunning,” Brian said.
“Too bad we can’t afford it.” Emily laughed.
You walked a bit closer to Roger --- who was sitting in a corner of the couch --- while the other two girls were talking to his mates.
“You look beautiful.” He said softly, eyes half-lidded as he looked up at you. And he softly brushed a hand over your hip. You smiled.
“Thank you,” you said, almost inaudible. And briefly, it felt like you two were in your own little bubble. And it felt great.
A few minutes and some dresses later you decided to leave the store because the owner didn’t seem very pleased with you trying everything on and buying nothing.
When the rest was almost ready to leave you were still in the dressing room. You were never the fastest. And when no one saw Roger sneaked into the little dressing room, making you yelp and place your hands over your body in an attempt to cover up. Roger was quick to place his hand over your mouth to silence you.
“Yeeez Roger! Don’t scare me like that.” You said when he removed his palm.
“That first dress is so beautiful, you have to get it.” He blurted out.
It was indeed a stunning dress. It looked classy, but also fun and youth-like with the golden star appliques on the see-through tule. It really was gorgeous.
“Rog it’s too expensive.” You said and you couldn’t help but feel a little exposed, standing just there in your underwear.
“I didn’t say you have to pay for it.”
“You want me to steal it?!”
“No! Well, that’s probably another thing checked off your list.” He smirked.
“I’m not sure that's something I want to check off Rog,” you said and he snickered.
“But...what I wanted to say-” he continued. “-is that the band isn’t doing too shabby. You should know that! You work at a record shop for fuck's sake.”
“Yes? So?”
“Well, I can buy it for you if you want to?”
“You would do that for me?”
“I love how it looks on you.” He said. “Can you put it on again?”
“Uh...yeah.” You replied, turning to grab it from the clothes hanger.
“Can you close it?” You said when you had put it on, speaking over your shoulder and he gladly helped. Roger gently pushed against your lower back as he pulled the zipper up in one fluent motion. And lastly, he closed the little button that held the upper back piece together.
When you looked up you met rogers gaze in the reflecting surface. “it’s beautiful. Stunning.” He said, wrapping his arms around your waist and his warm hands came to rest on your belly. “You look...hot.” He said in awe. The last bit came out as a whisper, activating some sort of ripple effect in your body.
“Fuck I could take you right now,” he muttered, mesmerized by the view in the mirror. And his hands started to make their way down to your---
“Mr. Taylor! Excuse me?!” You said. In a flash you turned around again, eyes widening, jaw dropping a few centimeters.
“Sorry,” he chuckled rubbing a hand over his neck.
“You are unbelievable!” You smirked.
But still, you forcefully grabbed his face and gave him a bruising kiss. And you briefly let your hand slide down to his crotch, palming him through his pants. It was funny to you how startled he looked when you pulled away. It was very cute.
You pridefully smirked at your achievement.
“Hey, now you’re here. Could you help me take this off again?” You asked as you turned around again. Fully aware of what you just did to him.
“Oh, you are in for it Miss!” He growled as he started to fumble with the top button. But he couldn’t suppress a soft gasp from escaping his lips when the fabric fell off your shoulders to expose more of your back.
The harshness of a second ago quickly faded away.
He gently let a hand run over your back. “Shit, you’re so beautiful.” he sighed and he proceeded to place butterfly kisses on your shoulder and neck. You closed your eyes and let your head fall to the side, enjoying the feeling of his soft lips devouring your skin.
Roger lightly pressed his hips into your ass as he continued to place sloppy kisses on your body. And his hands started wandering again, sneakily moving lower and lower.
“Rog!” you warned.
“Hmmm,” he hummed against your neck.
“Rog, we’re in a changing room!” You chuckled. “Besides, I need to get dressed again because the rest of the group is waiting….I’m sure they’re already of suspicious us.”
“Fuck that! Emily already knows. I don’t care. You look too good.” He said, and you felt his hand slipping under the fabric of the dress.
“Rog, fuck. Please!” you groaned, feeling his hand moving up to your inner thigh.
“Y/n! We’re leaving!” You heard Emily shout from across the store. Earning herself an angry look from the shop owner.
“Shit!”
“Fuck,”
You flinched away from each other. And just like that, your little bubble burst.
“Uhm, could you excuse me?” You said, making a ‘go away’ motion with your hand.
Roger awkwardly nodded and turned his back on you.
So with lust and adrenaline rushing through your body, you got changed into your own clothes again and walked out of the dressing room.
Roger was still standing outside the stall when you got out, an expecting look on his face.
“So? Do you want it?”
“Yes?”
“That doesn’t sound very convincing.”
“It’s so beautiful a-and I love it, but it’s so expensive and I don’t want to use you like that.”
“Y/n, I told you I wanted to pay fo-”
“I’ll pay half okay?”
“If you insist.”
“Deal?”
“Yeah, sure.” He said, dragging his words.
“Thank you so much!” You cheered, reaching out your hands to grab his face and kiss him. But you quickly retracted, realizing the others were still there.
This was hard.
---
“So? You bought that starry dress huh?” Emily said.
You were back at the house, now sitting in the kitchen together with a big bowl of fresh peaches in front of you. You had picked them up along the way home.
“Yes,” you shortly answered. “These things are good!”
“Shit, I’m making a mess!” You laughed. The sweet juice started to drip down your chin.
“Yeah, we probably look disgusting.” Emily joined in. “Maybe we should bring the others some too? Join us in being disgusting fruit monsters.”
“No way! These are way too good!” You snickered, a sarcastic undertone in your voice. “No okay we should, shouldn’t we? Kinda unfair to eat them all. And besides, I think my stomach is gonna protest if I do that.” you giggled.
You ended up going into the garden, sharing the rest of the peaches and you and the lot got lost in some intense rounds of scrabble.
---
The sun was steadily making its way down as you got ready to take a shower. You always found it a nice way to wind down, calm your nerves, reflect on the day.
You were about to take off your dress when you heard footsteps outside the door. And since that damn bathroom didn't have a lock you just proceeded to yell ‘Taken!’. Not really in the mood to have someone walk in on you again.
Although now you wouldn't really mind Roger walking in on you.
You heard a knock on the door. "Can I come in?" you heard a soft voice say, it was Roger. And you answered with a hesitant yes.
“Hey,” Roger said softly, peeking his head through the door opening.
“Uh, hi? I-I was just getting ready to take a shower. What’s up?”
“Just checking up on you, since you flipped back at the museum. I wanted to know if you’re still ok.”
He was standing in front of you now.
“I’m fine. Really, it’s okay.” You said, waving it off.
"Good, good. Uhm...if you were going to shower, 'care if I join you? ‘Saves water." he said, a little hesitantly.
"Yes?"
"Yes, as in you're okay with it?"
"I think so?"
"You think so?" he retorted. "You know, I'll shower later. Take some time for yourself." He said. And he gave you a kiss on your forehead before turning around to leave, but you grabbed his wrist, pausing his movement.
"no, wait! Stay.” You whispered. Roger turned around and his lips curled up into a soft smile.
“Yeah? Want me to join you after all?” He spoke softly with a now slightly devious grin on his face. He was up to something. “Come on, let’s get undressed then shall we?”
“Okay, now I feel weird about this.” You murmured, looking down at your feet. “Also, did no one see you going in here?”
“Everyone is everywhere and nowhere. I was reading something in my bed till just a few minutes ago and Brian and Deaks are downstairs I think. ‘Pretty sure they can’t see through walls and such.” He joked. “And please don’t feel weird, i-it’s just me. And to be honest, I’ve seen you naked more than- You know….a few days ago.” He felt a weird but good feeling going through his body as he said that. “If that helps,” he added. “You really sure you don’t want me to leave?”
You nodded and you took a few steps towards Roger. Your hands reached out to caress his chin. “No, I’m sure. You can stay.”
Your other hand made its way down to Rogers' hips and you briefly reached behind to give his ass a little squeeze, leaving him a little startled.
You pressed your lips against his before pulling away and placing your head on his shoulder. From the back, you started to push his shirt up. Your hands roamed over the skin of his back and you heard him sigh deeply. When the fabric was bunched up at his armpits, Roger threw his hands in the air so you could pull it over his head. And the shirt landed somewhere on the ground.
This time it was you who gasped at the sight of bare skin. It wasn’t like you had never seen his bare chest before, by any means. When he was rehearsing and it was a decent temperature he barely ever wore a shirt. But still, you thought he was so beautiful like this, gasp-worthy even.
Your hands had moved along with the shirt and were now on Rogers' shoulders, slowly making their way down again along his arms.
Your soft lips started devouring Roger's shoulders and neck. And you gently started to sucking at the skin, creating little red spots.
All of this made Roger gasp as a shiver shot through his body. “Fuck.” He muttered.
Your hand went down even further till it was resting on the waistband of his pants. You started fumbling with the zipper, but it didn’t really work. “Wait, lemme do that. It’s easier for me.” He chuckled and you stepped back just a little to give him some space.
In a matter of seconds, his pants were open and you stepped forward again.
In a matter of seconds, you had --- to your own surprise --- slid your hand into Rogers’ pants, making him choke on his breath.
His eyes were half-lidded when he looked into your eyes, breath fast and heavy as he felt your palm rest against his hardening length.
“You like that? Pretty boy? My hand in your pants?”
“Jesus, fuck. Yes!”
You dropped to your knees and proceeded to pull his pants down, Rogers eyes on you the entire way. He pulled one leg up and then the other so you could pull the material over his feet.
Sitting like that you couldn’t help but place kisses on his legs and you topped it off with some kiss on his clothed bulge, owning you another gasp from Roger.
“This isn’t fair,” he panted. “You’re still fully dressed and I’m almost...naked.”
“Fine!”
You moved back up onto your feet and Rogers' hands quickly started to work at your dress. And in no time you were both naked under the shower, and…a little turned on.
You grabbed the soap and- “Can I?” You asked with the bottle in your hand. And Roger nodded.
“Please.”
You squeezed some into your palm and carefully started rubbing the soap over his chest. Roger looked at your work with a soft smile on his face.
A few minutes later he did about the same for you. He was a little hesitant at first, but he quickly caught on when you started to encourage him.
“Turn around for me love,” He said and you did as he said. He started to clean your back, moving closer and closer to you as he finished the job. You sighed deeply at the feeling of his hands roaming over your skin and you relaxed completely. All the excitement and tension from the day fading away like ice in the sun.
But all of this ended when Roger suddenly pushed his body into your back, forcing you against the cold tiles.
“Jesus- Fuck! ROger! What the fuck!” You squealed.
“I did say you were in for it today didn’t I? Payback for leaving me hot and bothered. ‘Had to hide my hard-on for the entire ride home.” He growled in your ear. Speaking of…there was definitely something pressing against your back. And it was not Roger's belly.
“Are you serious?! This is hella cold! Let me go!” you said, trying to escape from his grip, but he was stronger than you.
“Sshhh, ‘s okay,” he hushed in your ear before spinning you around again.
You started hitting his chest in protest. “Ashole! You ever do that again and I’ll gut you, Taylor!”
“Sorry.” He apologized and he tried to catch you in his arms. Hugging you like a parent trying to hug their angry kid.
“Little fucker!” You muttered again this chest. “Not funny, those tiles are seriously cold.”
“Guess I’ll have to warm you up again then. Hmm?” He hummed.
“You better! Mr. Taylor!” And there it was again, that nickname. Over the course all those months it had changed from an obvious nickname to something that made his stomach turn and twist. But definitely in a good way.
“Say that again.”
“Mr. Taylor.” You repeated, but this time you said it with a more serious voice.
Right now it made him feel incredibly turned on. “You like that?” You asked.
“When you say it? Yes. Hell yes.” he sighed. “Fucking sexy,”
His cheeks turned a slightly darker shade of pink and then there was silence.
“Can you...turn around again?” he asked.
“Why?”
“Just wanna hold you again like today in the dressing room.”
“O-kayy?” You murmured, not sure why. “But don’t you dare push me against that wall again!”
“I swear it on my drum kit.”
His arms wrapped around you again as you turned around. And it felt...sweet...and also, kinda hot.
“I really love it, to hold you like this. Because like this, I can perfectly whisper in your ear; place kisses...hmmmm...on your shoulder and neck” he hummed. And you let your head fall to the side as he kissed you.
[!!!]
“Or I can slowly let my hand move down to your---”
You interrupted him with a quiet moan.
“That feel good love?”
“Hmhmm.” You nodded, your head falling back against his shoulders.
He kept rubbing over your clit till you were a quietly whimpering mess. You didn’t want to give the entire house a show.
“You close?” He whispered.
“Rog, please jus’ fu-”
You heard some fumbling before he spun you around again. And before you knew it he had pushed you against the cold wall again and wrapped your leg around his waist.
You really didn’t care about the wall right now, not at all.
You both held your breath as Roger experimentally pressed his hips into yours before dragging the tip of his length trough your folds.
Both of you gasped loudly as Roger slowly pushed into you, bit by bit. Till he was buried deep inside you.
For a moment the water streamed over you as you stood there, breathless.
“Fuck, feel so full.” You moaned, and almost simultaneously Roger choked out: “Oh...fuck- god you feel so...good love...feel so...tight. Squeezing me perfectly.”
“You were already close weren’t you?”
“Yeah. Please, Rog, move.” You sighed. “But be gentle okay?”
“Of course,”
He gave you an open-mouthed kiss as he pulled your thigh a little higher, so he could sink even deeper. And you moaned into each other's mouth.
He started to thrust into you at a steady pace and all you could focus on was the warm pressure in your lower abdomen and the sound of Rogers breath. Nothing else mattered. It was just you and him, him and you.
Your arms wrapped around him tightly and one hand combed through his wet hair.
You both finished with a series of quiet moans, they were almost inaudible.
[!]
The water kept flowing over you as you both calmed down. It felt so peaceful and quiet and lovely being wrapped in each other's arms. Almost as if you were actually becoming one for a moment. And it hurt when Roger released you to turn off the water to grab the towels.
You felt completely blissed out, sleepy, relaxed. As if someone had replaced all the sensations and feelings in your body with fluffy cotton candy, as cliché as it might sound.
“Rog?” you whispered, eyes closed. He had wrapped a towel around you both and pulled you back against his warm chest.
“Yeah?”
“Can I sleep in your bed again?” you murmured against the skin.
You just wanted to be close to him. Pressed against his warm body. Hug him, have him hug you, just...him. Be trapped in your bubble.
You were so sleepy that when you got out of the shower Roger had to help you dry off and get ready for bed --- not that he minded. And he indeed brought you to his room.
You laid there on his bed, Roger beside you on his side. He was absolutely mesmerized by how you looked in that moment and he felt so full of happiness. That you were his now amazed him.
“Can you hold me again?” You murmured, it was almost inaudible.
“‘Course.”
He snuggled against your back. Warm and cozy, even though it was quite hot already, you didn’t care about that.
---
“Rog? Rog psst! You awake?” You whispered while softly poking into his stomach.
“Hmmm? Good morning too you too. Is there something wrong, love?”
“Well Roggie, I dreamed about last night.” You smirked. “And now I’m sorta turned on.” You mumbled. “But also, I’m still very sleepy. So...”
“So?”
Maybe it was the fact that you were so relaxed, still feeling high in a way, that you were so blunt and straightforward. Or maybe it was the fact that you felt Rogers hard-on pressing against your back, but anyways-
“Can you just...fuck me really slowly again?”
To be honest, this kind of straightforwardness wasn't new. You had always been terribly honest with each other and now was no exception.
When you looked like crap he sure as hell was going to tell you. (You never got the chance to say that to him though since that bastard basically refused to not look fashionable at all times. But if he ever did you would definitely throw it in his face.) It had surprised you that it had taken him so long to tell you he liked you, since you were usually so open and chill with each other. But maybe this was an exception.
Yeah, Definitely.
Anyways, you telling him to fuck you --- not even calling it lovemaking or anything --- turned him on like mad. And he felt himself growing harder by the minute.
He was still hot and bothered from yesterday, couldn’t take his mind off of it --- and the time before that. And now this?!
“Oh please, can I?” he whispered excitedly.
Roger lazily god rid of his boxers and hiked your oversized shirt up a little. He caressed your hip with his thumb and placed a kiss on your neck.
"I just asked you too. So, yes."
[!!!]
"Need some prepping first? Hmmm? You maybe like it when I talk…dirty?" He began.
"let's try? Shall we?" You whispered back, your eyes closed as you listened to Roger's voice.
"You have no idea how much I want you right now...been thinking about last night too. Couldn't take my mind off of it. The water streaming over your skin…." He began. "your gleaming body...your-" he paused, and you felt the anticipation within you. "perfect tits. You make me so hard love."
You bit your lip as he continued.
"Y/N? Want me to touch you, love?"
"Yes, yes!"
"God, bet you're already dripping for me huh?"
"Wow I can't believe this is literally our third time and we're doing this?!" you laughed.
"Were we ever a normal couple y/n? I made love to you for the first time on the same day--- what am I even saying? The same night as I confessed my love to you. So… I think that says enough."
"Guess we're both just--- Nevermind. Did you just call us a couple?"
"I did didn't I. But should I continue or are we going to get ready for breakfast?"
You pulled your legs up a bit and pulled rogers hand down.
"Shit you are wet." he noticed.
He didn't wait any longer. He lined himself up with your entrance and he pushed into you, agonizingly slow. It made you gasp softly.
Your head fell back against Rogers' neck and you let out a guttural moan as he thrusted into you. It was so slow and lazy, but good.
He resumed his dirty talk and it got progressively filthier.
Moving from 'You're taking me so well love' to 'You're so fucking wet! I'm slipping away, almost sliding into your a--- oookay let's cut that of right there.
“Jeez, you're disgusting Rog. We're disgusting! We’re like horny teenagers.” You laughed when he said that.
"Fucking morning and night."
“We aren't horny teenagers anymore?!” He said sarcastically.
"Well, I can get behind the horny part but we're not teenagers anymore. Maybe mentally.”
"We're bad at this aren't we?" Roger murmured while he slowly kept thrusting into you, making you whine softly in between sentences.
"Yeahhhh." You laughed.
"God it feels so weird if you laugh. 'Squeezing around me."
"Yeah? Should I continue laughing? Does that turn you on?" You joked, purposely laughing even harder.
No, stop! Fuck…it feels so weird." And now Roger broke out into a laugh too. 
"Continue this another time?" You suggested.
"Maybe that's a good idea, but I'll definitely have to get myself off. Otherwise I won't survive." Roger snickered. Moving his hand up to his head for dramatic effect. "But seriously, I don't want to be hard again for half of the day. It's uncomfortable as fuck."
"No, wait Roger! Make love to me." You said in an overly dramatic voice as you tried to get on top of him.
"Yes my love, I will save you. I'll be your hero!" Roger jumped in again.
You briefly rubbed your hands over rogers chest and gave him a kiss before sinking down on him again, throwing your head back pleasure.
"But seriously Rog… Fu-ck…please get me off or I'll be frustrated the entire day, I swear!"
[!]
So, in the end, the laughing did stop and you were both content, so to speak.
Since you had made a habit of sleeping almost naked your underwear was…absent. So you asked Roger to go to your room and get a pair but…  
Apparently, you hadn't been very successful at keeping quiet and when Roger exited the room? Well…a Brown curly-haired man stood in the hallway.
"Good morning Rog. Heard you had fun this morning?"
Shittttttttt!!!
"Yeah, I did."
What was he doing?!
"Y/N came to my room, she was awake early. You know she makes me laugh all the time. She's hilarious you know, that's why I like her."
Awwww,
Brian squinted his eyes into thin lines, not really convinced of his mate's story.
"I'm pretty sure I heard a moan but okay…this time I'll take your word for it." He said like some kind of police agent. And then he walked away towards the stairs and added: "Oh yeah forgot to mention, you forgot something in the bathroom!"
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A/N: a big thank you to the people who read, reblog, like and comment on my work. YOU ARE AMAZING! Because without these things I lose motivation. I create these things for free, all I’m asking you as a reader is to like, reblog and comment on my work. Even just a simple “wow” a meme or a keyboard smash makes me incredibly happy! Because there is nothing worse than making something and receiving no reaction to it.
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thestudyfeels · 6 years
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How To NOT Be Depressed.
(Or If You Prefer — How to Be Substantially Happy About Life.) 
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WARNING: This is one rollercoaster ride of a post. Proceed with extreme caution. For some, the staggering levels of insight may induce true purpose and re-establish their warrior spirit. For others, side effects may include grammatically incorrect hate or aloof eyerolls. We advise exiting if the said group includes you, for we're very tired of cleaning vomit off the seats.
Step aboard at your own risk.
If you’re one of the brave souls who stayed back to join us, I congratulate you for even I am scared of how crazy this post truly is. Alrighty then, kick back and relax folks, today we’re having a mature, adult conversation. Merely another cheery afternoon spent talking about life and its realities. Not too bad, eh?
Before we begin, spoiler alert! For those of you already turned off by the mention of 'depression’ and packing their bunnies to leave, sit tight. This ISN'T really about depression. This is about HAPPINESS. No clickbait. That got your attention, right butterfly? Nice, now stay.
A welcoming, maybe demanding A/N: Do me a favor and read this in one go. Maybe even plug in those headphones and listen to the songs dedicated to each part as you read. It's long, you have the new Riverdale episode to catch up on, but don't hop away just yet because (I had a couple moments writing this, alright) it's life changing. You'll prolly cry a few tears of realization, nod all nod-able body parts in agreement, beat your chest at random instants 'cause the hype’s too real, and perhaps, if it isn’t too much to hope for, finally go change your life for the better. In case you've forgotten, this'll remind you that there’s always hope, that you're a born conqueror, and you were made to THRIVE, not survive. Convinced? Kay, roll the cams.
   To clarify first-hand, no, I'm not depressed although I’ve experienced mild depression for a period before. Glad to say I'm out of it but I still struggle with tackling what I'm about to detail next.
Insert bitter voice, it’s this: My life is nowhere near I want it to be. Though I know vaguely what I wanna do, I haven't yet figured out how the hell I’m supposed to get there, or how my dream life is to be sketched out. It’s all a blurry mess. Which, to put it bluntly, hurts. I HATE feeling powerless and worthless, roaming about aimlessly.
There are many such moments where I hit the brakes to wonder why I’m not living THE Life already. There have been several times when I curl up and cry a frickin’ Amazon. There are horrible nights where I'm shaking with emotions, but they won't release, leaving me choked. (…not in that way, you hoes. Um, just ruined the dramatic mood with a lame dirty joke, sorry.)
   They say talking helps and that's why I figured I'd drop in. But perhaps more importantly, I wanted to hang because no matter how unfocused the lens may seem at my future, I don't consider myself a dopey loser incapable of the crazy dreams or wild bucket lists I fantasize about– and I thought I'd skip along to remind you that neither should you. (Or maybe I just came to sniff the new appetizers, who knows?)
PS: I also broke a sweat listing six ways to get outta depression– alternatively, to be more of a conqueror– because y'all are always pestering me with asks that go “how do I conquer omg send supplies” (Like, imagine a conqueror saying that! Oh, the crime, the atrocity!)
So yes, you're welcome. Have a feast with this litness.  
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The main reason behind people being so frightfully sad, I’ve found, is a huge lack of fulfillment. We don't do what we love, for either— [ 1 ] we aren’t living life the way we want to (since we keep doing things we feel we're supposed to do) OR [ 2 ] because Mama, Papa and Mrs. Carter next door feel that struggling is the only way, and project their traditional beliefs onto us. Either way, whether or not we consciously realize this, subconsciously, we're all hurting because of it. Badly.
That lingering feeling of emptiness never seems to leave. You feel drained every night when you drop into bed, not because you gave it your all, but because you couldn't. And so, we do the next best thing. Drugs. Maybe not literally, but figuratively. We numb out this subconscious pain by binge watching Netflix shows. We deaden ourselves to that discomfort by reading smut in the bathroom or by playing dumb video games all day. We try (and fail) to extinguish this feeling of not ‘being enough’ by having silly flings or fake friendships.
And ultimately, we NUMB ourselves out to LIFE for we can't bear to live the way we're living. There's a reason why “How to Stop Procrastinating” posts are so popular (they’re a blogger’s most foolproof way of paying the month’s rent, and yes, even I'm guilty of a couple). We’re constantly having FOMO and tuning into others' highlights on social media– completely missing out on our own lives in the process. We fail to realize that the culprit is lack of genuine purpose more than zero self-control (or maybe it’s both, but that’s a tale for another day).
[On a side note, obviously I did generalize a bit– video games can be a passion for you, watching shows a way of winding down. But for most, they’re only DISTRACTIONS, just another way of ignoring the calls of life by hanging up the phone.]
   And here's the bitter truth about depression: The longer you wait to start living authentically, the more you start tuning out the inner cries wanting change, the faster your dreams start to ebb away, and the more you'll want to become insignificant. And to me, that's the scariest part of this journey to my dream life.
Nothing frightens me more than knowing that the moment I stop pushing, the very moment I give in to distractions and fears, my goals will stop manifesting themselves and I'll be stuck in this small town with its small people eternally. And THAT, I'm certain, won't be any more fun than working your way through a soggy ham sandwich, ironic as soggy is what life has become. (Yes, I have a thing against soggy sandwiches. They were a kid's worst lunch nightmare.)
   If you relate, and I’m sure you do (it’s probably why you stopped scrolling through cheesy fanfic for ten minutes to read this, I know you amigo) — here are six ways to NOT be depressed. Or more accurately, to gift wrap yourself some sweet ol’ happiness.
You're a Samurai and the Following Be Your Katanas —
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Hol’ up. The second you reach the End Card, I want you to drop your Cheerios and implement at least THREE of these six strategies. Just follow the Takeaways, I've made this really simple. And as a rule, one of them has to be this one. (Look, don't whine. If you wanna climb outta that dark hole, you gotta put in some effort. So pop that booty, and let’s get down to business!)
Here’s the most truthful, though cheesy thing I’ll ever say: I would be nowhere I am today without this blog. If not for it, I would most likely be weeping in a dug-out hole somewhere, drowning in my salty little pond of tears and chiming every loser’s favorite words (“there's no point”). Creating this blog gave me a definite purpose – putting out fiery content, dipping myself deep into my newly found passion for writing and influencing, and connecting with other conquerors on the platform.  
I meet a lot of folks, whether at Sad School, Mouldy Mall, or Boring Bus stop, who always seem to be in a state of death-inducing boredom. When asked about their favorite thing to do, they’ll mumble “sleep” or “food” like Siri narrating your cat’s evening routine. And then you see adults, dragging through life mindlessly. Utterly clueless, floating like a piece of driftwood in an ocean bubbling with life. My sympathy quota gets overdosed everytime I think about it.
   To spell it out, find something to do. Anything! Learn a language, try some ballet, take pictures of your neighbor's rose garden, make an art piece and show it to your mom, stitch buttons onto shirts for fun, heck, make an entire shirt out of buttons, take a break from reading smut to write your own, frutify your farts, WHATEVER, just get up and move.
And here’s why – nay, not to keep you engaged or make you feel less worthless, not that bullcrap. It’s to put in gear the journey of figuring out what is the shite that you love doing. Too often we get stuck thinking about what our oh-so-great passion is. Get this, passion is energy. A spark for something. A magical fortune cookie which, when cracked, seems to explain everything, gives you the very reason for being alive. You can only feel that fire, that wild love, when you actually do it. So get cracking is all I’ll say!
Takeaway:
Attempt something. Nah, scratch that, imagine you’re in a sweet shop with shelves lined with free samples and try everything. Pick up that Polaroid cam, take that dreaded history course, buy that children’s cooking kit– in short, start working. Pull out all the stops, get curious, and get creative. In the process, if you promise to try hard enough, you WILL (money back guarantee) find out what makes your little heart burst with mad happiness and would willingly do for free, if needed, because you really are that crazy about it. And that, my dear, will be your oh-so-great-indeed passion. Have no doubt, you’ll never be “bored” again.
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Real talk, having a dream is a big deal. And unfortunately, I’ve witnessed, rarely anyone has one to begin with. They’re either more dead than the cheap skeleton I bought for Halloween or believe they have a dream, but in reality, it belongs to mom, dad, or Uncle Sammy. Listen, doing something for someone you love (my Uncle Sammy used to supply me with cold cash whenever he came around, loved that guy) is great! YET, if you’re willing to throw away your life to fulfill others’ expectations, convincing yourself it's because they love you, even when YOUR lonely heart craves bigger things than just a marketing job, then you, my friend? Are the biggest fool. Don’t get offended, we both know it, this girl needn't ramble.
Recently, my relatives were over (nope, sadly not Uncle Sammy) and my cousin and I had a chat about life (correct, I grab every opportunity to do so). It wasn't very exciting I must say, he kept staring off into the distance (I wonder why), but what he SAID is what I'll talk about. After I’d gushed about my dreams, he asked skeptically if being an influencer would still be an ambition two years from now when I graduate. I raised my eyebrows, mock hurt, like eff you son, I ain’t giving up on my dreams! But that question got me thinking.
Life is wild. Unpredictable. An unexpected call, a single person, a random BLOG POST (cough) – can turn your life upside down, sometimes in the affirmative, other times not. This variability of life isn’t uncommon, and everyone experiences some part of it– unpaid student loans, failing startups, talent and art going unnoticed in industries dominated by wealth and connections, you name it. If all of that doesn’t make you run for the Himalayas and abandon any dreams, throw in a quick side dish of dysfunctionale famiglia with a sprinkle of self-image issues.
It ain’t easy, darling. The world is one cruel headmistress; it loves slapping awake the daydreamers and wishful thinkers. That hasn't ever actually stopped the dropouts and class clowns from building castles in the air though. And the common blueprint you notice they follow? Let me introduce you to…  Madness. Obsession. Maniacal obsession, to say. (Yes, I'm done playing with my words.)
   I struggled writing this point. A pestering voice in my head kept mumbling – They'll go back to doing the same sad shit anyway. Um, does anyone even read your posts? Lol, call yourself an influencer, hun. Hesitation started creeping in. Then the irony of the situation struck me. I laughed, shook my head and got back to typing.
We ran out of juicy gossip weeks ago, so here’s your tea served cold: insecurities and self doubt WILL get in the way. That whiny voice was just a mild version of what you face when you go all in. Fear traps you in its cage, and those who prattled behind your back now progress to talking shit in your face. Criticism and self doubt resurfaces, so unless your defenses are strong, you'll be crushed. Destroyed REAL quick.
When hell breaks loose (oh honey, and it WILL), your self defense comprising of maniacal obsession must be well learnt. Let them attack, mock, heck, drag you away from the desk and hurl you at the top of a damn mountain, but you better STILL hike back down, show them the middle finger, and continue working. That's how bulletproof you've gotta be. That's how madly do you have to love your dreams. And if you really think this will be a cake walk or want to continue complaining about Stuart being born with a silver spoon, hop off the train already. Your destination isn't on the tour list.
Look, my dreams terrify me. But they certainly make me feel more alive than complying with what every parent said about getting good grades and holding together a roof on my head. My ambitions set me free, give me a reason to fucking live. And yet, every now and then, something makes me question them. A fear engulfs me, some doubter proclaims I suck, someone I love is so blinded they can't see my vision. And that's okay. My defenses are way stronger. The next day rolls round, and you'll find me hustling again, thriving again. All because I know that even if no one reads my posts (the worst case scenario, I know y'all love me lol), someday in the future, someone will. I know that even if I’m not an influencer yet, if just one reader becomes a conqueror because of my words, it would be a win. A big win. I'd have done my job. All because I’m wildly, yes maniacally, obsessed with my dreams.
So hey, cousin? This influencer thing? This will be my dream long after I've graduated. Till the day I die, and maybe even then I'll rise from my grave to give a dead pal a lively pep talk. My watchtower has just been upgraded, so thank u, next.
Takeaway: 
“General, we've arrived!” Finally! Position those cannons, Martha, let’s talk them through the defenses. All aboard? AHOY MATEY! (wait, that was one for the pirates). Step one, dare to create a dream in your mind’s eye. The bigger, the crazier, and the scarier, the better. Doesn’t matter how impossible it is, don’t care how many voice their opinion against it, just imagine, keep a million possibilities in mind.
Once you see the life you truly want (you’ll know, everything will seem to zing)— have a sip. Become OBSESSED for that life. Thirst after that vision, itch to manifest it, and pine for the satisfaction that’ll come to your soul once it’s made a reality. Fall madly in love with the process and how magical it feel when you do it. And THEN, bellow a loud war cry and charge headfirst into battle, shields held high at all the criticisms. We conquerors never cared much for them anyway.
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(play ♬) Picture this: forehead stamped with beads of sweat. Calloused hands working their fingers to the bone and eyebrows furrowed in deep concentration. Conjure an image where powerful beats are pulsing hard in your ears, synced with your own elevated heartbeats, and you’re thriving. Performing. Winning. Guess the secret to that? Preparation. Champions prepare. You can’t throw anything to the winds or rely on ‘luck’ or chance to conquer.
Tough days are in everyone’s calendar, be it your extra cheerful neighbor, Sally, or lone wolf classmate, Derrick. We’ve all found ourselves sulking over an awful situation, scooping into mint ice cream to forget mistakes, errands, and ghosting exes. Yet guess what? The solution isn’t the proclaimed “be positive!” or “It all happens for a reason, don’t you worry” - the key is coming up with a method to dodge the discouraging effect these hiccups have on us.   
So every bad day, I bring out a mason jar containing a knot of chits and one secret letter which is, on most days, kept hidden on the top shelf of my cupboard. I make myself comfortable on the bed, read all my bits of paper carefully, including the letter addressed to yours truly, close my eyes, and mentally fight back whatever’s bringing me down.
A short while later, I get up, now a warrior, and go slay the rest of the day like it was my last one on this planet. That jar is my jar. A Conqueror’s jar. One look at those powerful reminders, and I’m grounded once again, the beast within me now unleashed to kill.
Takeaway:
Honey, go get yourself a jar. Along with some papyrus and ink. Then start jotting down. Document past victories, future visions, fears that mean zilch to the person you’re about to become, batty goals you’ve still gotta chase, reminders that the majority will never understand what it is you’re tryna do here, and how that’s perfectly alright 'cause you'll find your conquerors, your squad one day. Create your victory jar. And then go knock ‘em down dead. Bad days stand no chance against you. You’re a winner, a fucking rebel. Go take what’s yours.
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Y’know, I’m perfectly aware that many muggles reading this will whine that dealing with depression ain’t no piece o’ pie and it’s hella hard to get up and take the crown when you feel like a pile of dino dung.
Stop it. Get some help. (See what I did? Like Michael- ok ok, calm thyself.) For real though, and I’m tired of repeating this with my kitten stamped microphone (but I’ll keep at it ‘cause it’s that significant) – whining is WORTHLESS. It saps up precious energy that could be used to make life a scrumptious smoothie. (Loothie? As in life + smoothie? Right, yes, I’m shutting up.)
And even THEN, we find denizens complaining about slow WiFis and thin crust pizzas and how the market’s down and the government’s incompetent. Because blabbering makes us feel important. Heard. But keeping yo’ trap shut and actually doing stuff? Hustling for your dreams when nobody’s watching? Actually walking the talk? C’mon, Emma, don't be naive, ain’t nobody getting recognition for that.
Trust me, I get it. The world is yet to become a feminist, turns out your boyfriend was cheating on you while you were looking up wedding dresses, mommy’s a drunk loser, and idiots are being voted into office. It’s a lot to handle. But thanks to our immense and ever increasing population (we folks really love our rumpy pumpy, can you tell) — there will surely be one chum, facing exactly the same misfortunes as you, but still turning up at every party and bulk-spamming his friends with puppy pictures while you sit and wail. (One Moaning Myrtle is enough, thank you very much.)
Look, I’m not undermining your worries or obstacles. I’m only reminding that you have the marvelous choice of positivity. To CHOOSE hope and a better future when others won't. To FIND (and it's always possible) something to look forward to even when the to-do’s a big snore. To KNOW, deep inside, that you're a magnificent conqueror, no matter what mess you’re in at the moment, and that the world dances to your rhythm. Realise that it's up to you to let yourself be happy. At any moment, you have the very say-so to get up and start rocking. Dumbledore said it himself, “It is our choices, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” So choose better, and you’ll unconsciously do better as well. And yes, that being said, this is the last HP reference, don't fret. Be positive instead. (Edit: Ha, look at these quips, the girl's all grown up now.)
Takeaway: 
Your new occupation is to be a sunflower. If you think back, you'll probably recall Miss Honey rattling on about phototropic movement in AP biology. No? Me neither. Point is, sunflowers always face the sun. Put them ANYWHERE, hide them in the dungeons, throw them in a trash bag and shoot it off to the moon, they’ll still turn around and face the sun. No matter what. And taking inspo from that, you too can stop scripting creative soliloquies for being depressed. Happiness is YOUR right, YOUR priority, don't let anyone take it away from you or diminish its importance. DON’T let sadness ruin your vibe, do what you've gotta do to protect yourself. Track happiness in yo’ journal, set 84 reminders on your phone, and tattoo “Long as you’re beaming up at the sun, all the shadows will be left behind” on your boobs. Do whatever, just don’t turn the corners of your mouth down. You’re so pretty this way.
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The other day, I was doing the deathly Plié Alternative Heel Lifts (these names, I swear) and my legs felt dead. Gone. Put to sleep like the Wicked Witch of the East. Now obviously, the timer wasn’t not even halfway done yet, but my cheeks were already flushing red like dear Santa, and NOT because I was high on choco chip cookies. I sighed, and at that point, I was so over giving up. All this while, I’d been whining and protesting because my muscles felt sore, but in that moment, I made up my mind. I bit my lip and kept going. On and on. Keep pulsing, you got it, don't stop, was the mantra I kept chanting.
   Won’t sugarcoat it, I honestly hadn’t died this much since that time Miss Honey buried me alive with trig assignments. My legs were now basically Play-doh and I was shaking, fighting for balance. A few seconds in though, something crazy happened. My legs went numb. My grumbling mind quietened and the pain vanished. That evening, I had the upper hand, not my physical perceptions of myself. I was powerful. Flawless. (Hey Santa, do you even lift bro?) Real talk, I was in the Zone, bitches.
I’m not sure if that was the result of excessive pain or because Wonder Woman’s spirit possessed ma bod, but staying loyal to my love for metaphors, I’ll use the experience to explain what I’m tryna get at here.
   Look, here’s the real deal — if all of the greats gave up the second things got frowny, we probably would have no one to worship. Nix role models, nix inspirations, none to stalk on Insta - we’d all be bumbling about like Sad from the even sadder Emoji movie (no shade, emojis be lit).
And that'd be very sad (pun definitely intended). Hence, cue some tangible ways to boosting your grit, so that you can be your own superhero:
1) Get yo’self a goddamn motto,
2) Know your “Why,”
3) Repeat the cycle till it’s in your blood. Btw, Shawn, if you here, I’m still a single pringl—HEY PAL I SEE YOU, DON'T SCROLL.
Seriously, don't brush these prime steps aside. We're always going for the advanced modes, and deeming these basic levels a waste of time. Well guess what, compadre, YOUR LIFE IS A GODDAMN WASTE O’ TIME IF YOU DON'T HAVE YOUR BASICS RIGHT. Excuse my outburst, but listen. You can’t do a hundred bicep curls on your first workout if you haven't lifted anything more than a crisps packet. Likewise, if you simply jump into Life one day, and decide “ok, here it is, 12 habits to build, sleep schedule to fix, man to ask out, let's go,” you ain't getting nowhere, chum. Start small. Take baby steps. It's clearly not as fun (definitely negates the bragging on Facebook part of it) but it'll stick. You’ll create a consistency that not even Grandma's cake batter can achieve.
1. Talking mottos — For context, a motto that I always mutter (my mom thinks I'm cursing, oh what a bad child) every time I spill milk while making coffee is “Do more. Give more. BE more.” Not only does it help me stay right on track for the rest of the day but it helps me clean up my mess, figuratively and otherwise, or I’d just be sitting in a puddle of spilt milk, cursing adulting for real this time and with more laundry to do.
2. Why you need the Big Why — Owning up, I’m guilty of attempting to learn Welsh for less than 48 hours because I hadn't a single reason to speak the language. A similar thing happened with half of my 2018 resolutions, which had a bunch of rubbish like “Floss daily”, something my eyes got trained to skip because, um, who the hell flosses every day?
Lame humor aside, I still workout almost daily because I have my Why straight. 1) I want to feel good about my body and get closer to the confident badass I envision my future self to be, 2) I simply HAVE to sustain my health to live to build my legacy and fulfill my dreams of opening a bakery at 90 and 3) Because I’m an influencer, and want to walk my talk and be the inspiration people need. Those are the reasons as to why I turn up to my yoga mat everyday, shut my jabbering mind, and keep on pulsing. This “Why” strategy applies to everything. Wanna get outta depression? Why? Wanna lose 20 pounds? Why? Wanna listen to your dentist’s desperate pleadings and floss already? WHY EH? Unless you know your intentions, you’ll give up at the first chance you get to not act on your goals. And watch out, because there'll be a LOT of those.
For me, leaving a legacy behind means more than having a slice of cake or missing a workout because there’s a fun movie playing. Find what's important to YOU, make it your why, and go marry your goals.
3. And then, Repeat — Bear in mind, if you're not living your best life yet, there are NO weekends. NO work-shy days. No weak days, no pick-me-up days, no eat-candy-do-nothing days. Everyday is a damn Monday. EVERYDAY is life or death. Every holy day you wake up is a chance to push your limits, challenge your mindset, and see how far you can go. And every 24 hours, when the cycle starts again, it’s your mission to race to build a stronger, wiser and crazier you.
And who knows, perhaps one day, you and I will just be casually sipping tea in our dream home, laughing at how the milk is still being spilt but knowing, proudly, fiercely, that we’ve come so far, even though there’s still more left to do, more to give and so much more to be.
Takeaway: 
Quit quitting. You're, guaranteed, 20x stronger than you think. I doubted I could go through with the workout, it seemed beyond my present physical capabilities. But I did, because I treated it as life or death. Understand this, the second you start making excuses, for being depressed, for taking an unnecessary day off - you give away your power. You are a very powerful being. You're limitless, capable of everything.
I'm not throwing these words around to make you feel cute, I actually mean AND believe them. There’s so much that's been done already— the iconic four minute mile by Roger Bannister, invention of the light bulb, cars, toothpaste and other junk, people who lost both legs and climbed Mt. Everest, we sent a man to moon in frickin’ 1969 (50 YEARS ago), some ran a 26 mile marathon with zero training, love and hope is still strong in this world, oh let's also add coffee and motivational music— and YOU think you can't finish a workout or get outta depression or meet your idols or marry the man of your dreams or become the artist you wanna be? Ridiculous. Don't give away your power that easily, this ain't no charity shop.
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(play ♬) Having personally dealt with unwelcome yet familiar feelings of emptiness quite often, I’ve now reached a point where each bad day is simply a reminder of how long my journey ahead is, and just how badly I want to reach my destination.
We finally near the end of this novel of a post (thanks for sticking around, bud), and my best advice would be this: Rather than wallowing in self pity and throwing one-man parties because your life is so awfully dreadful, know that even when life throws you to the floor, long as you can look up, long as you can read an entire book about defeating depression (cough)– you can GET UP too. Let those emotions of sorrow and frustration blaze up into a roaring, crackling fire that doesn’t consume you, but instead, urges you, fuels you.
Lately, no matter how much shit I go through, how many arguments I tumble into, or how barren my dreams look sometimes, I don’t break down. And no, it wasn't always like this. I never even had aspirations to name two years ago. Six months back, it had become a night routine to cry. Not anymore.
Now, every setback and every failure only pushes me to be stronger and give more than I ever gave. The day I made the decision to Conquer (truly, madly, deeply, with all of my heart) was also the day I said a big, loud ‘fuck you’ to every resistance that was to cross my path. I had finally understood that life was nothing but a battle of WILLS, that it was all in or nothing, and I made up my mind once and for all to NEVER give in to depression, or to society, or to anyone who tells me I cannot make it.
I had conquered depression. There was no looking back now.
Takeaway: 
Here’s something no one will tell you: the key to bringing depression to its knees is seeing it positively. Pretend that it's a friend continuously sending strong, aggressive signals urging you to be happy. And what do you do when a caring friend throws some holy light? You listen, push past your ego, and follow accordingly.
And if that parallel seems unconvincing, here's another one (sup, DJ Khaled. This post is turning musical, sorry): it's scared of you. Depression is scared shit of you. Y'know how bullies are, right? Majorly insecure, self-loathing too perhaps, hardly fans of self love, and always trying to numb all that subconscious pain by inflicting pain on others. Depression has the same instruction manual. Your fears and doubts are your (pathetic) bullies, and depression is the big ol’ crony who does the dirty work for 'em.
Whenever you decide shit this is it, I'm going for it, they go paranoid and try stopping you because they've seen no better. And if they succeed, BOOM, you're depressed, paralyzed, your qualms reigning over you again. Don't let them in. I'll say it a thousand times if I gotta because I want (HAVE) to see you conquer – you're so much stronger than you think you are. You can do so much more than you think. It's all in your head! Don't just sit there, click away, and go back to living a sad life. You’re better than that. DO better than that. You’re meant to freaking CONQUER, straight-up dominate, my pal. Pay heed to that voice craving freedom. You got this. And you better know it.
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One thing’s fixed like the (beloved by all) proportionality constants in Physics, you will come across depressing mornings and sluggish evenings even in the future. I assure you. Lots o’ bad hair days in the calendar, sis. But here's what you’ll do: you'll deactivate the miserable thoughts, keep a cool head, remind yourself that this is yet another test (better, rap your new mantra) and USE that hurt, pain, and anger to create a fervor and passion that wreaks havoc on its obstacles and drives you to accomplish EVERYTHING you've ever wanted to do. The easy choice would be to just give up, bellyache about the situation, and want sympathy for your worries. Yet, what you'll never do is… exactly that.
Rule 1) NEVER give up. Stand your ground. Have faith in your strength. Know that you'll have your way soon enough anyway. Rule 2) NEVER complain. All it does is drain your energy, that precious fire you could to high jump your way into the clouds. Makes you a pathetic wimp too, definitely not something you want on a warrior’s resume. Lastly, Rule 3) NEVER seek validation. From anyone. It sure feels nice to be acknowledged and encouraged, but grasp this— this is your journey. YOUR life and YOUR vision. Validation won't get you anywhere, for there'll never be enough of it.
Cuz Marty, if you're tryna bring something new, different, and authentic into this world – you'll most likely be hated on badly, before you'll be loved madly (hi, me a rapper). Learn to invite hate instead—IMPORTANT: hate from others, not yourself. Sounds counterintuitive, but this is the real tea: hate is good. It means you're standing up for something, refusing to fit like a puzzle piece in society, and being UNAPOLOGETICALLY yourself. And it’s certainly a sign that you’re on the right path if you can ignore that hate and stick your tongue out at it.  
Yet another reason to never seek validation is simply this: you have to fight for yourself. In order to meet your own expectations, reach the doorstep of the best version of you, and transform this world, you'll have to go wildly IN. Toil and hammer away. Shut out all the haters and non-believers, listening only to your gut. Importantly, learn to accept the rejection slips, validating yourself not with what Molly says about it being okay, but with the reminder that your time is coming soon. Depend on yourself. Validation will NEVER be enough.
I get it, it's a lot of homework, but perhaps you already realize that it’s THIS work that'll change your life forever. Not “how to not procrastinate, Jesus take the wheel” or “HELLO, life's a mess so here are ten things to do (you won't believe number four!)”. Clickbaits don't work, stop believing that a fancy planner is going to be your savior. There is no rule to making your life a masterpiece. You'll have to get to know yourself and your dreams (journaling, meditation, silent pondering), build the work ethics and the mentality needed (lots of work in this one, yet no strict framework to go about it) and GET GOING.
AND with that firework, I'll begin to slip away now. Again, I won’t say it’s easy, that’s cock and bull. Life’s no fairytale. You will never feel ready to start bringing your dreams to fruition. But, my darling (I’m being so nice yo, follow me), you must. You must force yourself to work for the future you want till it becomes a habit, an obsession. The world badly needs heroes; confident people who can stand for themselves so that others can stare at first, maybe even hate a little, but then follow because they seem unstoppable and are, truthfully, having the most fun at life. YOU'RE one of them. No validation, just plain facts.
You see, conquering is a LOT of blood and sweat (K-pop, anyone? BTS? Lmao, this is me tryna clickbait y'all to read). Even getting up will seem huge when you're just starting out, and this is one long road, dear pal. Still then, I have enough faith in you to hope you don't give into your fears, I hope you willingly chase discomfort, and I hope you find the courage to do all that you want to do, while that heart's still beating.
I hope you conquer. I'll do too, and I'd really like to see some familiar faces during the ride.
Peace, amigo.
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A loud ass A/N: And now, we come the most important part of this post. WAKE UP Luke, stop snoring, and take some notes. Remember kids, I won't accept anything but an A.
   If you couldn’t identify yourself throughout this post and currently are scoffing like um woman, that's not really why I'm depressed, hang in there a sec. Yes, you can stop singing It Ain’t Me now. You've a very nice voice by the way.
I'm not a doctor, and I don't have enough exposure to know why so many earthlings are depressed today. HOWEVER, by talking to many, following their stories, watching and reading stuff – I do know with firm conviction that a majority suffers from severe unfulfillment. Don't believe me? A study shows 85% of the working class worldwide hate their jobs. Do you realize what that actually means? EIGHTY-FIVE PERCENT of the THREE BILLION PEOPLE employed today, hate being employed in the first place! They do it for prime survival, to sustain themselves. And that's just jobs. I won't scare you, but 50% (yes, HALF, you heard that right) of students HATE going to school. Kids waste SEVEN hours of their life every day going somewhere they dislike, doing something they hate. Who's singing now?
People find themselves trapped in golden handcuffs, taking the paycheck despite the passionless job. They push aside the art and business they love, to become a slave of good ol’ cash. Several surround themselves with negativity and get frustrated when unable to escape the choking (no, not THAT kind again, hello someone pour holy water over this post) atmosphere. An innumerable are forced into taking up courses that they don't care about under parental pressure. The reasons are endless, and I don't think I'll amuse myself listing all the sad excuses.
This has always been the story. Hundreds of influencers have preached the same words I’m tryna put into your head here and you’ll yourself say you’ve heard this a million times. YET, you’re dissatisfied. YET, you feel like crap everyday, feeding yourself the same lie that the next day will be better, that you’ll get up tomorrow– while you let life beat the shit out of you.
That’s why, all of my words, everything you’ve read today - all of that boils down to just one single question. A difficult but necessary choice. Will you let this happen to YOU? Will you, seriously, even after this wild ride together, go back to doing nothing and being nothing? Will you, for real, continue deceiving yourself, sacrifice your happiness for the sake of pleasing everyone else, and remain a statistic on a website?
   (play ♬) If you’re not sure of your answer, read: Look, making you feel guilty is not my intention, because that’s not how this works. I need you to understand instead. Guilt wears off, it’s only understanding that brings about change. So, just for old times’ sake, I’ll rant a bit more (ik, just can’t seem to leave y’all).
You’re so, so young right now. More than half of your life is yet to be experienced. None of this probably makes much impact right now but it will the day you die. Remember, on your deathbed, you won't EVER look back and say, “Damn, wish I'd spent more time at the office. Saved up just one more dollar. Could’ve got that promotion before Amy.” Nay, it won’t even be on the calendar. That day, one foot in the grave, you'll reflect and wonder why the heck you didn’t let yourself be happier. Why you took up that lacklustre, soul-sucking architect job when all you've ever wanted to do is keep laughing. Why you didn't ask your crush out, why you were so afraid to walk up to that audition, because dammit, you could’ve been running your own comedy show by now. Why you dragged around a karaoke machine all this time instead of singing your own song. Why you couldn’t love yourself. Why you submitted. Why.
And the moment you realize that you hadn't lived a life for you, you’ll be crushed. Broken. The arthritis in your grannie joints won't even compare and neither will the mild dissatisfaction you’re feeling right now. Those whys will haunt you, they'll terrorize you, break you. It'll hurt tremendously to know that there isn't a single thing in your long life that you could call completely your own.
 With every death today so many dreams are left unachieved, crazy things left unchecked on the bucket list, and unique potential left unexpressed.
DON'T let that be you. Please. I'm still a mess myself, struggling to reach class on time and studying subjects that aren't exactly fun, when all I want to do is create content (read: fireworks) that is at a level of insanity, influence folks to do better, hold crazy world tours and meet-and-greets to give hugs, and get an adorable puppy so I can create a dogstagram (yes, I'm that mom). Sure, I could declare it's too hard, hang onto small-minded and negative people who whine endlessly, and follow the crowd, getting lost in it, with ease.
But I won’t because I can’t take the burden of those regrets. That painful unrest and discontent that nothing could cure, not drugs, alcohol, buddies, not even true love. For then I’d be just another drone, my controller in the hands of society, forcing me to see the world through its eyes. I can’t give in because I’m scared, terrified even, of wasting away this one life doing the bidding of others- folks who won't even notice when I’m gone.
It’s easy to be depressed and crib your entire life. It’s easy to think you’re worthless and that trying is pointless since nothing ever goes your way.
But perhaps, if you rise, if you simply DECIDE to have the audacity to fight for what you believe in, if you work and focus on becoming better, things will go your way. Life will bend to you, in awe, at your incredible relentlessness. Life will take one look at you, wonder who the fuck is this person? How the fuck are they so incapable of giving up? And back right away. And then perhaps, life will be such a blast for you that depression would become the past you never had.
   I know you can get there, conqueror. It’s time you knew it too.
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🌚🌝 Further reading? 🌝🌚
Last Post :— How To Get Back Into The Creative Process – For you, if you're in a creative rut. Get outta it and go create magic!
5 Reasons Why You're Unhappy — To help you identify & cut out CURRENT sources of sadness so that you can spice up yo’ life with some happiness instead. Definitely recommend reading AND implementing.
The Bubble Trap & How To Get Out Of It — One of my classics. Everyone is in one of these 'bubbles’ till they consciously do something about it; that's just how it is. Are you still in one? (Someone teach me marketing, lmao.)
The 5 Biggest Regrets of The Dying (from Greatist) — I LOVED reading this. Pretty much all you need to cut the crap and do meaningful stuff. Read it, memorize it, work it.
++ Want to request a blog post? Leave your request in my ask box! I'll get back to you with a reply, along with the average time I'll need to birth that magical idea.
Thanks for dropping by! It was a pleasure to have you around. If you wish to stick for a bit, I'd suggest picking one of the related posts mentioned above.
If you wanna check out my blog, here's a little something about me (y'all know I love the attention). What do I write about? Three arenas I dominate, Work, Lifestyle and Life, they are, my mate! Take your pick!
I post new blog posts bi-weekly, and my wins, & journal entries throughout the week, so follow me if you're into conquering life, leaving a legacy and being the baddest badass you can possibly be. I'll be your side pal, cheering you along.✨
And that was it, it's a wrap! Martha, shut the cams, Henry, pause the audio, and Nandita, I know you're pretending to be deaf, but Mom's yelling something about doing the dishes. Better skip along.
And you, fellow conqueror? Keep slaying life, doing the work and making it count. I hope you're well, stay strong and go conquer life. ✧
I'm sending you so much love, see you soon.
— Nandini 💌 (´。• ᵕ •。`) ♡
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niomemizune · 5 years
Text
Forgiven
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How long had it been?
Niome gazed out at the Ruby Sea from her perch atop the Isle of Bekko. Looking out over the open ocean filled in her a deep level of nostalgia. It had been so long… Tears began to well in her eyes, but she shook her head to try to bring some clarity back to her. It had been ages ago, now…. She had been a child. Besides, it’s not like her parents were going to be waiting for her in Tamamizu. 
She took a deep, shaky breath and proceeded down into the depths of the underwater city. It reminded her so much of home… The walls holding back the rushing waters of the Ruby Sea just brought back a feeling of claustrophobia and nostalgia all mixed into one. She wanted to make this trip as quickly as possible, and it was true that she had heard the particular kind of fish she was looking for was only available in the area. 
The story began with Niome opening a new cafe in Shirogane. While her pastries and confections were well liked, some of the Ijin customers wanted something more akin to what they would find in a Hingan restaurant - namely sushi. Niome figured her two best bets for sushi would be something savory and, if possible, easy to acquire. There were plenty of your basic sushi shops scattered around, oftentimes being family businesses. She didn’t want to compete with them, but at the same time she wanted to offer her customers whatever they wanted. And so she settled on introducing a tempura platter and Onigara-yaki into her menu. She figured the savory, fried and buttered seafood would pair well with a fine rice wine…. And then lead the customer to get something sweeter for dessert!
And so, here she was, in Tamamizu. She was here to broker a trade deal with the local Blue Kojin and then she’d be on her way to Yanxia to barter with the Namazu. All for fish. Lobsters, squid, and shrimp, to be precise. She took another deep breath and walked up to what she assumed was the a Kojin merchant.
“Excuse me, Mister Kojin, where would I be able to talk to someone about starting a trade deal?” Niome hesitantly approached the large shelled merchant. As she got closer she could see that he was older than she had first thought, he must have lived through quite a lot.
“Eh? Why sure… I’ll just need your name for our records and where to ship the goods. And of course, some gil.” The Kojin turned to face her and started to study her face, making Nio jump back slightly.
“Oh, well thank you… Er… is something the matter?” Niome scratched at the side of her face where her scales met her skin.
“You just look… I don’t know how to put it… but like someone else I know. Now then, name please.” The Kojin took out a scroll to prepare to write down Niome’s information.
“Ah, right… Well I’m Niome Mizune, I own the Carbuncle Cafe in Shirogane. I’d like to start getting in shipments of shrimp, lobster, and squid for the caf---”
“MIZUNE! AHA! You don’t say!” Niome jumped at his boisterous guffaw. “That’s who you remind me of! Little Mitsuki!”
Mitsuki? Niome had never heard of a Mitsuki before. “Mitsuki…? I can’t say I know anyone---”
“Ah, you know, the young daughter of Mika and Mizuki Mizune. She’s cute as a button, that one. In fact, she should be around here somewhere….” The Kojin starts looking around the settlement, finally yelling out the name Mitsuki and waving someone over.
If Niome wasn’t pale before, she certainly was paler now. All the color left her face as she saw this young girl approach her. The girl looked roughly like she had looked when she was 13 or 14 summers, but with longer brown hair in pigtails. Her scales were a lustrous cream color, just like Niome’s. But the most striking thing was her brown eyes and those signature purple limbal rings. It was like Niome was looking into the past.
“I…. er….” Niome stuttered out as she tried to beat a hasty retreat.
“Mitsuki, this here girl says she’s a Mizune! Any relation to your family?” The old Kojin had a sparkle in his eye.
The girl looked Niome up and down, taking in the sight of her. She walked around Niome, taking in every detail. Niome could feel herself sweating through her dress. The last thing she would have thought was that she would see someone from the Mizune family here…. Last she had been home, it had been forbidden for her to leave Sui no Sato. She thought maybe she’d get a question about her parents, but she definitely did not expect this… girl. 
“She doesn’t look familiar to me…. But… her eyes…” 
Niome started to back away, but the Kojin merchant grabbed at her wrist. “Miss Mizune, we still have to go over the exact address of your cafe.”
“A cafe?” The girl named Mitsuki’s eyes twinkled, “L-Like with sweets and cookies and cakes?!”
Niome could feel some color returning to her face, maybe if she could just distract this girl long enough… She knew she should have taken a false last name like her first name, but she never assumed that she would run into a situation like this. And… perhaps a part of her really wanted to return home one day, but she would never admit that.
“Yes, I own the new Carbuncle Cafe in Hingashi’s Shirogane district. It’s not much, but…” Niome smiled to the young girl, who was practically bouncing up and down. Then she did something that she couldn’t explain, “My name is Niome Mizune, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”
The old Kojin’s eyes lit up, “You know… there was another Mizune girl… but that was ages ago.” What?! Had this old geezer of a Kojin heard about her? She hadn’t even thought that maybe when she first ran off her parents had tried to find her with some help from them!
Mitsuki turned toward the Kojin with a questioning look on her face, “Wait…. Huh? Like a cousin of mine or something? I didn’t think my mother had any sisters… And Grandmother didn’t like to talk about the past before I was born….”
Niome’s hair bristled. “Didn’t?”
Mitsuki turned back to Niome and looked a bit sad, “Grandmother got really ill a few weeks ago… She spends most of her time holed up in her room now. Not that she ever spoke much before, but it’s almost like…”
Tears welled up in Niome’s eyes. Every day that she had been gone, she had thought about her dear grandmother. After all, it was her knife that protected Niome when she first landed in Yanxia. That ornate pearl knife that her grandmother had given her, a family heirloom, now tainted with blood. No matter how much she tried to clean the knife in the years following, nothing could erase the guilt.
“Miss Mitsuki… if you take me to your grandmother, I’ll bring you cakes and treats. All you could ever hope to eat.” Niome wasn’t even sure what she was saying at this point, were those really her words? But she had to try to make amends. “Please… I owe her something.”
Mitsuki was confused, but agreed after the Kojin put in a good word.
---
Niome didn’t speak at all on the way to the manor in Sui no Sato. Her misty eyes almost betrayed her a few times. Mitsuki, however, was watching her very closely, and Niome could feel the younger girl’s eyes digging into her.
Perhaps it was fate or luck, but Mitsuki’s parents were out at the moment, so the pair of girls snuck upstairs to their grandmother’s room. With a knock, Mitsuki slid open the partition and spoke, “G-Grandmother… I know you’re unwell, but… Well, this traveler said she had a debt to repay to you… And well, I know you don’t talk much to me, but I was hoping maybe you would talk to her. Her name is Niome. She owns a cafe in Hingashi.”
The elderly woman didn’t even open her eyes, but gave a light huff of approval.
Niome approached, digging into her pocket and pulling out the pearl knife. Mitsuki’s eyes grew wide as she tried to scream but Niome gently placed the knife in the grandmother’s clasped hands.
“Grandmother Hazuki… I came to return what was stolen from you.” Niome knelt beside the old woman and bowed her head. “I hope one day you will find it in your heart to forgive me… For taking it.”
Slowly the grandmother felt the knife in her hands, her boney fingers tracing over each detail like they were ingrained in her mind’s eye. It was then that her eyes slowly opened and a smile came to her lips, “Niome… eh? You wouldn’t happen to know my little flower Tsukimi, would you?”
Niome could feel the tears bubbling. She wasn’t sure what to say… what was there to say to someone you wronged so deeply.
So she sang.
“Oh little flower, swept up by the sea… The moon lights your path with her heavenly beam. Oh little flower, dancing on the waves… Little flower, my dear,  try to stay brave. Little flower, little flower, carried out to sea… use this song to find your way back to me.”
The song had been the last bit to break her cool facade. As she sang the tears streamed down her face in torrents more harsh than the waves of the sea. She bowed her head low to the tatami, unable to look at either the elderly woman or the young girl who sat confused across from her.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the raspy voice of the old woman broke the silence, “Little Mitsuki… I don’t believe your parents or I ever told you about our dear little flower, Tsukimi. I hope to remedy that situation.”
---
Hazuki recounted for all present the story of Tsukimi, the heiress to the Mizune legacy. A sheltered child who was always quick to get into trouble with her parents, but her mischievous streak earned her a place in her grandmother’s heart. When she was 7 summers, her grandmother bequeathed to her a pearl knife, said to be made from the first pearls found when they built Sui no Sato. Though, that was merely a detail woven in over the years, her grandmother had admitted.
On the day it was announced that Tsukimi would be wed to a young lordling from Kugane, the young girl ran away and was never to be found. With the Garlean presence growing stronger in Yanxia, her frazzled parents had confined their search to the Ruby Sea. After several months of searching between the Kojin and any other residents of the Ruby Sea, Tsukimi was given up for dead.
After the grandmother’s story, Niome recounted her own tale. Of how she wanted to find her own love and not be stifled by what her parents thought was best for her. She told them how she swam all the way to Yanxia, but had been quickly discovered by a Garlean scout along the coast. In the dark of the night, she waited for the Garlean to approach her and pulled the pearl knife on him, ending his life. But she was not quick enough, for the sounds of his death were enough to alert the other guards. So Tsukimi ran. She ran and ran all the way past Namai. The Garleans were gaining on her, after all, she was much quicker in the water than she was on land. But then the sounds of the guards stopped. As she stopped to catch her breath she was ambushed by shinobi who, upon seeing the blood on her hands, figured they could make use of her. They offered to take her in, to train her in the art of ninjutsu. And so she survived for a time. She recounted her journey to Eorzea, of the kind old Elezen chef aboard the ship. About how she worked at The Bismarck and how finally, after years of hard work, had opened her own cafe.
“Do you regret running away?” The grandmother finally asked her when the story was done.
“Sometimes I wondered if it was the right thing to do… but… Looking back…” Niome looked down at her grandmother, laying upon the futon, “I don’t think I’d change what I did.”
Hazuki smiled, letting out a soft cough, “Then you are forgiven.”
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omgrachwrites · 5 years
Text
Ocean Avenue (Bucky Barnes)
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OC
Summary: When Darcie Baker - the daughter of a police officer - breaks her misfit friend’s heart at 16 she regrets it everyday even after she graduates though she knows she can’t go back and change what happened. Everything changes when over 10 years later she meets the gorgeous mechanic.
Warnings: fluff, swearing, teeny bit of angst
Words: 2092
A/N: Hope you guys enjoy this part! Please let me know what you think and if you would like to be tagged just shoot me an ask, I love you all very much! xxx
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Part Eleven
Steve rolled his eyes as he reluctantly pulled himself away from Peggy’s lips as they were once again interrupted by the frustrated groan that had echoed all through the garage. Peggy smiled at Steve in an understanding way, running her hands up his chest to cup his stubbled jaw, pressing a kiss to his nose as he shot her an apologetic look.
“Go and see what’s the matter with him baby, he’s your best friend and he’s never been like this before,” she gave him a soft smile as she buttoned his shirt back up for him.
Steve chewed his lip, feeling slightly worried, Peggy was right, Bucky loved his job and he hardly ever got frustrated with it, there must have been more that was going on. He kissed his beautiful girl on the forehead, “I’m sorry gorgeous,” he whispered against her soft skin before he stood from the couch and left the back room.
He shivered slightly as he walked into the garage, chilly after being in the warmth of the back room; the weather was certainly getting colder with the changing of the seasons. Bucky currently had his head underneath the car he was working on. Steve kicked his leg lightly so that he wouldn’t startle Bucky too much and he would be less likely to cause an injury. Bucky pulled himself from underneath the car, a look of polite curiosity on his face, his eyebrows raised to the ceiling.
“What’s going on buddy, where’s the fire?” he chuckled, trying to make light of the situation but Steve could see the look of frustration and sadness in his eyes as Bucky walked over to his cluttered desk to get a drink of water.
“I really should be the one asking you that. What’s the matter? Why are you so frustrated? You’re never like this. Did you have a fight with Rose or something? You know that you can tell me anything.”
The mention of Rose’s name seemed to change something within Bucky, his light blue eyes suddenly turned glassy and he turned away from Steve abruptly, leaving Steve feeling slightly alarmed.
“Rose and I split up, or we’re on a break. I don’t quite know where we stand at the moment but it’s over and I’m not sure that we’ll be getting back together,” he started thickly, “I’ve lost the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time.”
Steve’s heart lurched and a deep feeling of sadness ballooned in his chest, Bucky deserved so much better than this, “Bucky I,” Steve started but he was quickly cut off.
“That’s why you guys haven’t been coming out with us in the past months,” Peggy flinched back slightly as the two men gave her searching looks, “I’m sorry for eavesdropping, I was just worried about you Buck. I’m sorry about you and Rose,” she sighed and gave Bucky a hug; he gripped onto her like a little boy.
“Yeah, I’m so sorry man,” Steve started gently, “what happened between the two of you bud? If you don’t mind telling us that is.”
Bucky sighed and lapsed into his story, “it happened on that night we all went to the bar, you know when Darcie told us that she’d split up with Liam? Rose thinks that I’m in love with Darcie so she broke up with me, she said I needed to figure out for myself if I loved her,” he gave Steve a helpless sort of look, “over these past couple of months I’ve thought about it and I think I do, I do love her. Despite everything I love her; I think that I always have. What do you guys think?” he chewed his lip, watching as Steve and Peggy exchanged looks.
“Well,” Steve started, “in high school you always wanted to make her happy and too see her smile, even going out of your way to sometimes. Remember when she mentioned to us in passing that she preferred the coffee from that shop in the village miles away from school? You turned up late one day and got a detention just because you were getting her the coffee that she preferred. It might not have seemed much to you but it meant a lot to her and no other guys I know would have done that for a girl that they weren’t even dating.”
Peggy nodded in agreement, “it’s true, I remember her telling me that you nearly broke your hand by punching somebody who was rude to her. And remember when you wanted to throw hands with Liam even though Darcie was the one who ended it? If that’s not proof that you love her then I don’t know what is.”
Bucky dragged a hand through his sweaty hair and he nervously toyed with a rag of cloth, “I don’t know what to do, for the first time in my life when it comes to a girl, I don’t know what to do,” he muttered, feeling nerves bubbling in the pit of his stomach. He felt completely at a loss.
“Tell her man, that’s the only thing you can really do other than ignore it and you can’t ignore this, it’s causing you too much pain. Right babe?” Steve said, looking at Peggy for confirmation, he’d never been in a position such as this before.
“You should tell her,” Peggy confirmed, nodding eagerly, “she feels the same you know, she really loves you Buck,” Bucky looked at Peggy dumbstruck as he was rendered lost for words momentarily. Darcie was in love with him?
“I need to call her,” he said quickly, almost with a craze and he grabbed his cell phone from his desk and frantically dialled her number. Ignoring Peggy and Steve’s amused and smug looks he wandered into the backroom.
Darcie picked up on the second ring, “Bucky? Hey,” she greeted him, her voice full of surprise at the fact that he was calling.
“Hi Darc, are you at work? I really need to see you,” he anxiously waited for reply.
“I’m visiting my dad right now, why what is it?” she asked.
“Can I see you? It’s important, I don’t want to say it over the phone,” he chewed his thumb nail nervously.
“Bucky, I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”
“Please? You know that I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important,” Darcie grew silent for a moment before she sighed in a defeated sort of voice.
“Fuck Buck. Yeah, okay but I’m warning you, it’s not a very good idea.”
Bucky ignored her warning and after they had said goodbye to each other he got a quick shower, got himself changed and left the garage, being sure to tell Steve and Peggy where he was going before he got into his car and drove to the home where Darcie’s dad was staying. He entered the day room where Darcie was sitting with her dad Andrew, her hair was unusually messy and her face was stark white. She looked up when Bucky grew closer, said something to her dad and quickly stood and hurried over to him. She looked to be so stressed that what Bucky had to say to her died in his throat.
“What’s the matter?” he asked as a frown grew across his face and she sighed, reaching down to link her fingers through his, squeezing them gently.
“It’s my dad,” she sniffled, “he’s lucid for the first time in a while; he remembers pretty much everything that he’s forgotten. Including you. He’s spent about ten minutes talking about how you’re a bad influence and that I need to stay away from you. The same old story really,” she looked at him sadly, “so whatever you need to say, please say it quickly before he notices you.”
Bucky stuttered and mumbled, unnerved by this new information but it was no use, Andrew had already spotted him.
“What the hell is he doing here?” he demanded, “and what’s he doing here with you? I told you to stay away from him.” Darcie sighed and led Bucky over to her father whose face looked like thunder.
“Dad,” Darcie started, sounding very weary, “I told you that Bucky has helped us out a whole of a lot and we should be eternally grateful that he’s here,” she said it with so much sincerity that it almost embarrassed Bucky, “he’s here to speak with me anyway.”
At Darcie’s words Andrew’s face twisted into an unreadable expression, “no, I need to speak with him, he has no business with my daughter,” he snarled.
Darcie let out a disgruntled groan that was followed by a sigh as her cell phone started to ring, “it’s the hospital, I really need to get back, they’d been calling non-stop,” she gave Bucky an apologetic look, “please try not to kill each other, see you later dad. Love you,” she planted a kiss on his cheek, touched Bucky’s arm gently and left the room.
Bucky went to sit down but Andrew’s growl stopped him, “don’t even think about sitting down, you’re not staying. All I want to know is what the hell are you doing with my daughter? I thought that you had learnt your lesson when the both of you were in high school.”
His words infuriated Bucky so much that he blurted out what he couldn’t tell Darcie, “I love her, I have done since high school before you ruined everything, if she feels the same then you can’t keep us apart. She’s not sixteen anymore.”
Andrew looked the angriest that Bucky had seen him but he didn’t care, when Andrew spoke it was deathly quiet, “I fear that she feels the same way about you. I will never accept the notion of you two together.”
“We’re not asking you to,” Bucky hissed and departed, leaving Andrew speechless for the first time.
----------------------------------------------
Darcie was sitting in the gallery watching as Peggy and Carol scrubbed in for the kidney transplant, she was incredibly proud of her best friends but she couldn’t help but feel exhausted and despite herself she felt her eyes slipping shut. A couple of seconds later Bruce walked into the gallery, his deep brown eyes scanning the area until he found Darcie and he made his way over to her.
“Bucky’s here to see you, he’s in the waiting room,” he whispered to her, not wanting to disturb anyone.
Darcie felt a little bit surprised; it was surely the day for surprises, “okay, thanks Bruce. I’ll go and see him right away,” she stood from her seat and left the room with Bruce at her side.
She smiled as she saw the incredibly handsome mechanic sitting on the blue plastic chair that looked too small for him. His eyes were fixated on the floor, a look of worry etched onto his features, as soon as he heard her shoes squeak on the floor he stood up and gave her a smile that looked forced.
“Bucky, hey. Is everything okay?”
Bucky bit his lip and looked away from her for a second and Darcie could almost see the cogs turning in his head as he seemed to be having an internal battle with himself. Suddenly he blurted out words, “Rose and I broke up, about two months ago.”
Darcie’s eyes widened momentarily, she certainly wasn’t expecting this they looked to be a perfect match for each other and she vaguely wondered why he was telling her this, “Bucky, I’m sor-“she stopped short as he drew nearer and he cupped her cheek with a slightly cold hand.
“We broke up because I uh, I um,” he stuttered and grew silent for a second as he regarded her, before drawing her even closer to him and he kissed her so deeply it was like his life depended on it.
Darcie was shocked for a split second before she cupped Bucky’s cheek and kissed him right back, relishing in how perfectly their lips moulded together. Kissing him after so long felt like coming home. It felt like she’d been drowning and she’d just come up for air, she would happily drown in Bucky’s lips. He was pulling away much too soon, his lips slightly parted and red.
“We broke up because I love you.”
Darcie could have wept for joy, after all this time he loved her. After everything that had happened he was coming back to you, “oh Bucky, you’ll never know how much more I love you,” she whispered before claiming his lips with hers once more.
---------------------------------------------- 
@void-imaginations @theonelittleone @thesswintersoldier @dreamacoholic @wavyjassy @harryngtonewithyourshit @iamariotgrrl @panic-naran
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sodoyouknowbts · 7 years
Text
J Hope x Reader - Kaleidoscope
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Summary: A hot chocolate, a palette of colours. A private game between two strangers in a coffee shop leads to a little more.
Pairing: Hoseok x Reader
Genre: Romance, fluff, oneshot, eternal ball of sunshine
Author: Moxie
He’s here again.
It’s the third time this week.
He’s wearing blue today. A soft woolen jumper, the shade of the early morning sky. It’s large and the sleeves hang down his arms and past his hands, giving you only a peak of his fingertips, which are tinted pink from the cold.
His hair is red today and not a subtle red either. It’s a bright and vibrant shade, like the deep colour of a perfectly ripe apple. It’s a stark and dramatic contrast to his jumper. Yesterday his hair was blonde, a soft and muted yellow.
He reminds you of a kaleidoscope.
You note that his shoes are the only thing that remain constant, besides his presence here.
They’re loud and onoxious, a mess of rainbow colours on a cream canvas. At least you think it’s cream. Was it originally white?
He orders the same, a hot chocolate in a takeaway cup and a slice of chocolate cake. You take his order and pretend that you havent already memorised it, making sure to wait until he’s finished speaking before you write it down.
Your fingers touch for a fleeting moment as he hands you the money. His fingertips are ice cold and you have the urge to wrap them in your warm hands. You don’t.
You watch him discreetly from your peripheral vision as he takes a seat at the same table.
He pulls out his laptop and begins to read something on there. He rests his cheek on the palm of one hand whilst the other occasionally hovers over the keypad and presses some buttons.
You started working at your friend’s cafe about a month ago, having just finished your degree and taking a gap year off before you propel yourself into full adulthood. Your plan was to save enough money to travel but at the moment the furthest you could travel was to the next city over. Saving was never your strong point.
There was always a constant flow of customers and some regulars, however he was the only one who stood out.
You place a large slice of chocolate cake onto a plate and prepare his drink. You take a styrofoam cup and add some chocolate flakes before proceeding to heat up some milk. When you’re done you add the final touch, some mini marshmellows.
Not being able to help yourself you draw a smiley face onto the cup with a black sharpie. You hope the smile will help brighten up his day.
You place both items on a tray and carry them over to him. He stops reading and smiles when you approach. You notice that he lowers the laptop screen as you place his cake and drink on the table, but you don’t take it to heart.
“Please enjoy!” you gesture to the food and retreat behind the counter.
She’s here again.
The first thing he notices about you is pink.
You’re wearing the same shade of lipgloss as when he first saw you, link pink, the shade of cherry blossoms.
The second thing he notices is your hair. Today you have it in curls, the long strands cascading freely down your back, brushing your shoulders everytime you move. The other day it was up in a ponytail.
He picks up his drink and goes to take a sip, however he stops when he sees that something is drawn on the side of the cup. He turns it around and admires your smiley face.
It’s simple, two dots and a line.
He pulls out a blue pen from his bag and draws something on the cup. When he’s done he holds the cup out in front of him and smiles, pleased.
When he leaves you walk over to his table and start to clear it. You pick up his cup, wondering if he liked your drawing and turn to see it.
You’re suprised to see that it’s not as you had drawn it. Someone’s added a tongue, some spikey hair and a peace sign in blue ink.
The next time you see him you draw a circle with two dots for eyes and a squiggly line for a mouth.
He adds in some swirls for hair and giant ears. He adds a speach bubble and writes the words “Argghhh it’s hot!”. It makes you chuckle.
As the weeks progress your drawings get more complex until you’re scribbling all over the entire cup. It’s a private game between the two of you. You’ll draw a template and he’ll fill in the blanks.
Despite this interaction you both still haven’t spoken a word to eachother, outside of you taking his order and the usual pleasantries.
You didn’t know his name or who he is or what he did but you were content with your secret game.
You also notice his pattern, he comes into the cafe every Monday, Wednesday and Friday without fail, come rain or shine. Without even realizing it you start to put more effort into your appearance on those days.
When the weekend ended and Monday came you excitedly waited for his arrival. You had been barnstorming the night before and had come up with the perfect template. However he never came.
You told yourself that he was probably just busy and that there was still Wednesday and Friday.
When Wednesday came and went with no sign of him your heart sank. You were surprised with how much of an impact he had on you, afterall all you had was a silly game where he finished your drawings. You brushed it off and told yourself that he was just probably busy and not to think too much about it. Afterall there was still Friday.
Friday came and he still did not show up. By then you told yourself that he was just another customer and that it was ridiculous to get so attached.
Earlier that week there was buzz online about a new webtoon that was released by a popular writer. You had never read their stuff before and hadn’t planned to but on Saturday your friend sent you the link and insisted that you read it.
Curious to see what the hype was about you opened the link and began to read.
The story was about a boy who would walk past a cafe everyday on his way home from tutoring. He had never gone inside until one day as he walked past he saw a girl working there. The girl caught his attention and he decided he wanted to see more of her so the next day he went in. He didn’t know what to order so he ordered the first thing that came to his mind, a hot chocolate.
He was captivated by her smile and by the sound of her voice. Not wanting for the moment to end he ordered something else, he raked his brain for what but came up blank. Looking at the display window he saw a large chocolate cake, so he ordered that.
He didn’t even like chocolate. He found it too sweet, but it was always her who made his drink and prepared his cake so he continued to order that.
Before he knew it he was there everday after tutoring. Just to catch a glimpse of her.
He tried to come up with the nerve to speak to her but he was too shy, his words escaped him everytime she brought his order.
One day he noticed she had drawn a picture on his cup. Suprised and amused he added in some details of his own. Thus began their secret exchange.
Everyday she would draw a half completed picture on his cup and everyday he would complete it. Through this he learnt that they shared a smiliar sense of humour and that she had very neat handwriting.
It was the highlight of his day. The boy would often stick around and hide around the corner just so he could see her face when she saw his drawing.
Her smile was the most beautiful thing in the world. If he could draw it he would use the brightest shade of gold.
The more you read the more you got an overwhelming sense of deja vu. The story was eerily familiar to your encounter and the main girl even looked similar to you.
Curious to know who the author was you decide to search their name online. There is a profile page and a photo is attached.
It’s him, your kaleidoscope man.
You’re suprised to see his face smiling back at you. You can’t believe that he has based a webtoon off of you. It’s already so popular too.
He study his photo. He looks younger and his hair is black but his smile is still the same.
Jung Hoseok, you read his name aloud. Its a nice name.
It’s Wednesday afternoon and he still hasn’t shown up. Your resolve throughout the day was strong however every time the bell chimed, signalling a customer, your heart would race and you’d look up hoping it was him. Every time you saw a face that wasn’t his, your heart would sink a little more.
A sense of disappointment washes over you as you finish for the day. Looking outside the snow has begun to fall so you grab your coat and secure on your beanie. Once you’re bundled up you head outside, waving goodbye to everyone.
You begin to walk towards the bus stop but halt when a voice calls out for you. You turn around surprised.
It’s him.
He’s running towards you. His hair is hidden underneath a fuzzy white bucket hat and he’s wearing an oversized brown coat. You look down at his shoes and smile. Still the same mess of colours.
He stops in front of you and bends over panting for air. It seems like he was running for a while.
“I thought I almost missed you” he gasps in between breaths. His words leaving a trail of condensation in their wake.
“Sorry?” you ask confused. Why was he chasing after you?
Once he’s got his breath back he straightens up and hands you a takeaway cup. You hadnt even realised he was holding one until now.
“What is thi-” you open your mouth to ask but stop when he brings a finger to his lips and shakes his head. He points to the styrofoam cup in your hand.
Curious you glance down and examine it. It’s a plain white takeaway cup, similar to the ones you had. In black sharpie he’s drawn a cartoon self portrait himself, complete with the fuzzy bucket hat. You raise your head and laugh at him and he gestures with his head for you to continue.
Next to the cartoon there’s a speech bubble and inside it reads the following:
“Hi, Im Jung Hoseok. Nice to meet you! I know we’ve never properly spoken to eachother but I feel like I already know so much about you. I know that your favourite colour is pink. You prefer to have your hair out of your face and that’s why you have a hairtie on your wrist at all times. I also know that you love mini marshmellows and are always sneaking some when you think no one is watching and that you’re not a morning person”
You smile at his comment about you not being a morning person.
“I’m running out of space here so what I wanted to ask you was would you like to get to know each other more? I’ve still got plenty of drawings to show you”
You can’t fight the huge smile on your face. Your heart flutters and it feels like you’ve got butterflies in your stomach.
He looks nervous and embarrassed. His cheeks have a hint of pink and his gaze is averted.
“Hi Jung Hoseok, it’s nice to meet you” you hold out your free hand and his face turns to relief and he breaks out into a smile. That same dazzling smile that memorised you when you first saw him. It still makes your heart race.
He takes your hand in his, his cold fingertips wrapped around yours.
“It’s nice to meet you too” he replies.
The END.
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thyrideneverends · 4 years
Text
(2017)
Escritos que encontre del año 2017 . Y conversaciones conmigo desde el año 2020 ([]).
____________________________ AAAHGH IM SO FUCKING SAD. I cant help but feel that im rotting. I dont want pity; people helping; people empathizing. FUCK YOU. I can do better than you. I DO. In fact. I havent been blinded, and hate everything around me as an excuse for giving my life away for what it was supposed to be. [this could be missunderstod since i was clearly angry 4 something i dont recall, I was refering to people in general, how they put themselves above the others, how they always wanna get "there" first, how they talk trash about their relationships, the anger, the hate that breeds out of them when they are wronged(even if there`s no purpose or whatsoever to cause them, specifically, any troubles), the screaming, the violence, that kind of hate..]
I dont want to just 'be happy' because I have to; so I reject happiness. But I want to feel it like something real and not made up.. does that makes sense? Thats a paradox i cant escape lately. [thats deep man, fortunately we figured that out. Have we figured that out? Happiness now is closed for manteinance ^-^ ]
I cant find pleasure in anything.. I destroyed everything..[you had to start somewhere, right?] I cant find meaning in anything.
I just need someone, i just need not to be alone. But I am; Even surrounded by everyone. I know I am. I know you are too.. I hope you are strong enough to endure it.
[hablabas de otro tipo de soledad, lo se, pero vos todavia no lo sabias, o si?]
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Sometimes I feel like I forgot an important part of being alive. I remember a different version of myself from a few years back. I feel like I'm just existing; nothing pushes my happy button. And when I'm not strong enough to think that it's fine; that I don't need that.. I will just panic questioning myself why, the reason for me not belonging. I know it's fine; I know I can just spend the rest of my..50years left? just doing this; living this eternal circling hell. You might say it's a choice.. That I don't put that much effort into it. That I'm just playing this part. Complaining my ass off. And to that.. I can only say I'm sorry.. I'm doing the best I can. [I know you were.. truly; and u did a great job never letting me down] _________________________________________
Why are we even here right.. What powers you? You wake up, work or study, ingest food, sleep. Repeat. To finish your career and become something.. To earn enough money to become someone.. Be better in what you're doing or you'll be out. You'll be useless. You'll be garbage. We[the system] won't need you.. And then we have to be happy about it.. We have to function collectively happy and there's no room for the outcasts.. And IM to blame for it.. I could be happy like all of them.. But I'm just sitting my ass here thinking what else I can sabotage, in order to understand why it's unnecessary and wish to be also capable of that... Just capable maybe of.. not be weird; not be me.. And sometimes thats all that matters. That Im me.. And I love not being a part of them. I just can never get a hold of that moment and make it last.. I will feel alone just a moment after. [Im so glad we worked our loneliness, I mean, we have such fine moments in silence..]
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Aah... I was just given advice by a hot girl on tinder about how should I type, express and resume myself so the person on the other side of the screen won't stop replying thinking I'm an idiot.. She basically said :- "hey, you're an idiot but maybe a cute one. Here's human help. Just stop being you and people will like you" Y'know what? that's bullshit... It makes me so anxious that it happens all the time. There's always someone judgin. Not only online; real life is the worst. I just don't fit in here I guess. I'll keep talking with the tinder girl, maybe and get emptynessly laid, why not? But I think I hate this.. I hate that everything craves for a definition and people just won't LOOK; Im hidden among them... God how I wish to know who's there ravaging their brains with questions while walking in that empty crowd. I wish I could find you and ask just what you were thinking there. At that unique moment. You are not alone... But if you feel like I do; I wonder if you also wonder. I wonder if we're just very far away from each other.. I wonder if it`s true that there can only be one of us by this cosmic rule that goes: only one 'you/me' for every thousand people. Or.. maybe it's just me. Too old to be an idiot... Too idiot to fully be himself around smart well adjusted people. I guess it's a matter of perspective. isn't it pretty much all? Have a good night stranger.. [Not so stranger.. my dude.. U didn't get laid btw, you couldn't pull through with that. And then you promised you wouldn't lie about who you are.. You wouldn't ever play another role other than the one you are. Well, it was more like a statement than a promise, to yourself. I was there.. Best decision you ever made. You mutated loneliness into a condition, a simple symptom of your choice of living; instead of a disease on itself.. Very clever.]
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You don't have to read but if you wanna unload please write it down. Everything u hate.. or love; This I wrote on my personal account but it makes me anxious to open myself to judgy people, so I erased it.. We live to judge because we love fixing things that didn't go right with us. Never understanding each perspective is unique. Well Im gonna paste it here because I don't want to lose it.. I don't want something I really meant to be just a deleted thing..(even if it is)
Have u ever felt like you're unique or different?   But then just analyzing, we all just walk towards and objective. We don't do things just because. You don't get up every day to just go to work.. to just have breakfast or go shopping, idk; people set goals. We follow patterns. We repeat the same exact thing to strangers of the streets. The same exact things other strangers reply to us.. We are the same NPCs to others. And then realizing this I just wanna scream PLEASE GET ME OUT OF THIS. Please look at me! I don't want this. I don't want to be aware of this.. I don't want to feel I'm just to you what you guess I am. What's the point of everything? How do I get to know who I am if I'm always this self-centered stupid attempt of somebody? Nobody wants that. Sometimes I am glad to be "awake". To be different from the other people in their bubbles... But most of the time I'd give EVERYTHING to be exactly like that. Because I feel lonely. Because I have so many friends, but we can't communicate. Because I've lost the ideal of love because at a certain point I was scared of being a problem and it hurts so fucking much. I don't think I am special.. or more intelligent or cultural, I just feel I have a different degree of "profoundness" than most other people. It's not something I talk about or show, most of the time i pretend to fit in, but I don't. I can fool myself for periods, I've fooled myself for so many years now, but in the end it always comes back, I can't hide it forever. it hurts so much. I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse and I feel like a fucking show-off that just wants attention..
[I felt that.. dude. You write beautifully..]
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Hi person reading this. Be nice, life is full of shitty people. Make a tiny difference; someday we're all gonna die so its cool. Dont hold grudges ^^ . [^^]
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We are all just internet jesters shitposting to fill the void Even if you're just taking selfies and being beautiful while loving life, smiling to nothing and eating healthy shit while showing off the new place you just visited to a bunch of strangers that doesn't give a fuck about you .. (actually those are the worsts) yeah.. (Don't get me wrong I'm not saying it's bad. I do that too ! we like showing ourselves to others..) Screaming... I exist. Notice me sempai. We just are ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
________________________________________________ *draw of myself* [couldnt find it anywhere, where did u put it D: . i remember the sad expression] I know It has a lot of imperfections but so do I. I guess this is how I see myself.. Maybe I just wanted it to be like that. To express something to myself. I still feel like a little kid sometimes even tho I'm 25; "I just can't play with the other kids because I feel different and they make me feel different." Now I can't play with the adults, they're too adults. They make me feel too adult; i need to act up every move to become like them. And then alone, I can be at peace being who I wanna be; But it gets lonely from time to time; Not being able to understand who are you really; where are you really above the necessity of impersonating this other dude to get laid, get the job, get the money. And for what?.. Just to keep doing it because there is really no other choice.. How sad. But anyway. Ever tried to draw yourself? To see what's the image of you that you hold in your head.. if u truly do it; it doesn't matter if you know or not how to proyect yourself.. Every trace you make on that paper is a creation this world has never seen.. your chance to make a difference; it doesn't have to be trendy or impact in mankind. I suppose that's what I call art. And that's why art is everywhere.. Everything that can never be repeated.. Anything that comes from you; or life itself. A random amount of dirt.. Sunlight getting through the leaves of a tree.. Pieces of a broken cup and the stain of coffee in the carpet.. I'm not an artist myself tho; never considered myself even close to one.. I haven't drawn in years.. This is my first one in a long time; I just felt like it.
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jlsjrockfanfictions · 7 years
Text
Foreign - Yomi (Nightmare)
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(For ashnequiz18! ~JLS)
You have been friends with Sakito since you were a little girl. The two of you were next door neighbors and you even went to the same school. 
Your father was stationed at the air force base in Okinawa before you were born. This meant that you were born in Japan, but were American through parentage. Your mother didn’t think an air force base was the place to raise a child, so she bought an apartment in Tokyo. You were only 3 years old when you met Sakito. He and his mother were coming home from shopping at the same time as you and your mother. You didn’t know much Japanese, and Sakito didn’t know much English, but the two of you struck up a conversation in baby jabber and quickly became friends. It became a daily ritual after that day that you and Sakito would play together until your respective mothers called you in for dinner. 
When it was announced at your 15th birthday that your father was going to be stationed back in America, you and Sakito held each other and cried until you fell asleep. Your father felt terrible and offered to decline the promotion he was being given. Sakito spoke up then saying, 
“Don’t stay just for me. Go to America, be with your family, but don’t ever forget me.” 
You assured Sakito you’d never forget him and that you’d call him every day. The two of you pinkie promised on it, and then Sakito helped you pack. 
That was 11 years ago.
You and Sakito are 26 now and have never missed a call. 
In this most recent call, Sakito told you that his band was touring again and he wished you could be there to see them. That’s when you sprung your surprise on him.
“I’ll be there,” you said, trying, and failing, to be nonchalant.
“What? You’ll be here?” Sakito asks, “How?”
“My job is transferring me to Japan! I’m moving back!” You cheer.
“What?! No way! How long have you known?!” Sakito asks, his voice filled with excitement.
“A couple weeks. I didn’t want to tell you and then have them change their minds. Companies are bad about that. But I finalized everything this morning!” you cheer.
You laugh as you hear Sakito yell happily. You also hear a group of masculine groans as a group of men, Sakito’s bandmates you assume, tell him to quiet down. You laugh as you hear Sakito curse them out in Japanese before you hear his voice through the receiver again,
“When?”
“I fly out tomorrow. Think you could pick me up from the airport? You still live in Tokyo right?” you ask, pulling out your travel folder.
“Uh-huh. And of course, I can pick you up. Text me the details,” Sakito says.
“Will do! I’ll see you later Kito!” 
“See you later, ________!”
The line goes dead.
You set your phone down, lean back against your wall, and look at your bare apartment.
“I’ll be in Japan tomorrow night!” you squeal, kicking your legs in the air excitedly.
The next day went by in a blur. You barely remember going through the airport checkpoints and boarding your flight. All you remember is getting onto the connecting flight and then falling fast asleep. 
~~~
You wake up to the sound of the captain telling you and the other passengers that the plane was landing in Tokyo. You sleepily gather your carry-on luggage and your backpack before shuffling out of the plane behind the other passengers. 
You walk out of your gate to see Sakito standing there surrounded by a group of men you’ve never met before. As soon as your eyes meet Sakito’s, he’s running towards you. You laugh as he pulls you into a tight hug.
“Look at you! You’re all grown up!” He coos, pulling away and patting your cheeks.
“Look at me? Look at you, Mr. Rockstar!” you exclaim, gesturing to your best friend.
Sakito shreds on an air guitar, causing you to laugh. 
“Calm down there, killer. If you keep playing like that the air is going to catch on fire,” you joke.
Sakito laughs, rubbing the back of his head.
“Ooh! ________, I want you to meet my friends and bandmates!”
Sakito leads you over to his friends.
“This is Ni~ya, he plays bass,” Sakito says, pointing to a man with blond hair and intense brown eyes.
“This is Hitsugi, he plays rhythm guitar,” Sakito says, gesturing to a man with piercings and colored hair.
“This is Ruka, he hits things,” Sakito says, lightly punching Ruka on the arm, causing the drummer to laugh.
“And last but not least, this is Yomi. He’s our singer,” Sakito says.
Your eyes drag over Yomi’s body, taking in his appearance. Yomi is in a pair of black leather boots, dark jeans, and a black button up. Your eyes trace over his rounded face, his plump, wind-dried lips, the soft bridge of his nose, and finally his large brown eyes.
You open your mouth to speak, but no words come out. Your throat and mouth are just suddenly too dry, like all the moisture in your mouth had just evaporated due to Yomi’s heated gaze. You swallow nothing and try to speak again, only Yomi beats you to it.
“Hello,” he drawls, his soft voice wrapping around your spine and causing you to shiver.
He makes his way over to you as he says it, takes your right hand off of your luggage and dips his head so his chapped lips meet the tops of your fingers. You gasp at the gesture and stare at the top of Yomi’s head. You watch as his head lifts, his dark irises meeting your own.
“He-hello,” you stammer out.
You can’t see it, but the other members of Nightmare are all clinging to each other, staring at the two of you and whispering excitedly.
“What was your name again, darling?”
“My name...” you clear your throat, “My name is ________. It’s a pleasure, Yomi.”
Yomi, though he wouldn’t admit it, found the way your lips formed his name to be the most beautiful thing he had ever heard in his life. He’d do every god of every pantheon a favor if it’d mean he could hear you say his name every day for the rest of his life.
“________, what a beautiful name. I can see now that my assumption was correct,” Yomi states.
“Oh? What was it you assumed?” you ask, curiosity and playfulness evident in your voice.
“That a princess as beautiful as you, would have a name befitting of such beauty,” Yomi flirts, kissing your hand again.
You blush and hide your face behind your hair.
“You flatter me, Yomi,” you state, a cute giggle flowing out afterward.
Yomi’s heart flips at the sound. He reaches out and takes the handle of your carry-on luggage, holding his unoccupied arm out for you to take. You tentatively thread your arm through his and stare up at his profile.
“Let’s go get the rest of your luggage shall we?” Yomi asks.
You nod, allowing Yomi and his charm to lead you towards baggage claim. 
The rest of Nightmare stare at you and Yomi as you get further and further away, so invested in each other you didn’t even notice you had left them.
“This is going to be interesting,” Hitsugi states, making his way after you and Yomi.
The remaining three stare at each other in awe, before running to catch up with their rhythm guitarist.
~~~
You’ve lived in Japan for about a month now. 
The night you got in was one of the most interesting nights of your life. Yomi and the rest of Nightmare escorted you to your apartment, which conveniently, and per your request, was right next to Sakito’s. The boys all went over to Sakito’s to fetch you a futon, some blankets and pillows, and anything else you might need while you stayed in your apartment and began unpacking things that didn’t require you to go out and buy shelves. 
Once that was done, Sakito ordered some takeout, and when it was delivered, you all sat in a circle, munching away at dinner. 
After dinner, the boys began heading out to make their way to their own apartments. Soon, only you, Sakito, and Yomi remained.
“Well, my darling little ________. I’m beat,” Sakito says.
“Alright, Kito. Thank you so much for all of your help, and for buying dinner. I owe you big time!” You say, throwing your arms around your childhood friend.
“You owe me nothing! You can repay me by having breakfast with me every morning! Deal?” Sakito asks, holding out his right hand, pinkie extended.
You wrap your pinkie around his own, setting your new morning routine in stone. 
“Deal,” you say with a smile.
Sakito presses a soft kiss to your forehead and makes his way out of your apartment and into his own. 
“Then there were two,” Yomi states, a soft smile lighting up his face.
“Then there were two,” you repeat, turning to stare into Yomi’s eyes.
“You... you are captivating, ________. I must have done something very good in a past life to have been given this privilege,” Yomi states, causing you to blush.
“And what privilge is that?” you ask, busying yourself with cleaning up.
Yomi takes your chin between the thumb and pointer finger of his right hand, lifting your head to meet your eyes with his once again. 
“Meeting you,” and with that, he leans in slowly, giving you ample time to pull away.
His wind-chapped lips meet your soft lips and your feel your eyes flutter close. 
Since that night one month ago, Yomi has been at your apartment every night. It’s become natural for him to eat dinner with you every night.
You look up from the broth simmering on your stove top and look over your shoulder at the handsome man you now call your boyfriend.
“Yomi,” you state.
“Hm?” Yomi asks, looking up from the TV screen to meet your eyes.
“I just wanted to see your face,” you say quietly, casting your eyes back down at the bubbling broth.
You hear a shuffling behind you, then you feel Yomi’s warm arms wrapping around your waist. Yomi rests his chin on your shoulder and presses a kiss to your cheek.
“Well, my darling soulmate, you can look at my face for the rest of eternity, so long as I get to hold you just as long,” Yomi drawls.
“You can hold me as long as you please,” you state, looking over your shoulder at him, causing your nose to bump his.
Yomi rubs his nose against yours before pressing a kiss to your lips. 
The two of you may be going fast to some people, but to the two of you it felt as if you had known each other all your life.
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