#it's much easier for me to exist as someone who Makes Content rather than someone who's like. a person. if that makes sense

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

I think Hobie brown is the one character I've seen written completely out of character the most

Like, he would NOT say that

He definitely is. I see people write Miles and Gwen as spot on (pun unintended). Miguel and Pavitr are usually butchered for linguistics reasons

But with Hobie, him being a punk - one from a very specific time - adds a whole new layer of difficultly and honestly. At this point, I can't even blame people.

I think Hobie's mischaracterization is caused by two primary things, one purposeful, and one not. Please allow me to rant.

Hobie Brown, Mischaracterization, and the Sanitization of Punk Culture

I think Hobie's characterization is the perfect example of the way media purposely deminished and trivialized the punk identity in order to erase it's political connotations.

In other words, people misunderstanding Hobie shows how the media warped and censored the definition of 'punk' in the last 50 years.

And that's on purpose.

Let's take the hippies for an example. When you think of them, what beliefs comes to mind?

Peacefulness, usually. Pot smoking. Music loving. And Anti-war. They love peace. The phrase 'Make Love, Not War' make come to mind.

But it's easier for the media to historically display hippies as people who were opposed to war - rather than people who were openly oppossed to the Vietnamese War.

As in, they weren't just opposed to war - which they were. They were also specifically opposed to the United States government crossing borders in order to push a capitalist agenda in Vietnam.

It's easy to say hippes loved communes - then to say 'Hippies were Communist'. With a couple words switched around - sanitization.

Punk is just like that.

It's easier to focus on the response rather than the source. It's easier to look at Hobie singing than to consider what he'd be singing about in those songs.

I feel like in the past 50 years the media has purposely centered the outrage of punk around music - as a targeted distraction, and a method of silencing. This goes from the outward hatred of Sex Pistols - to a President's wife literally taking a metal band to court in order to get the 'Explicit Content label' instated for the first time.(crazyyyy long story- crazy interesting. Google 'Mary Gore vs Twister Sister' - the videos of the band in court is hilarious)

But anyway the outrage of punk music in specific and the silencing of the message behind it kinda changed the way people viewed punks.

Media very much wanted to make punk something about senseless rebellion towards everything, the same way they tried to turn anarchy into 'unending chaos that never stops', when neither of those things are true.

Basically saying 'Oh, those people over there? They aren't angry oppressed people screaming and forming a community based around resilience, those are teeennagerrs. theyre just screaming cause theyre mad at their dads or something PLEASE dont look at them PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT CHECK IF WE'RE TELLING THE TRUTH'

And so people are presented with someone like Hobie, they see the loud music, but not picking up what he's saying if you get my drift.

And the other thing I'll try to keep short.

It's not purposeful, but I think it matters.

The Internet - Subculture vs Aesthetic

I don't think this is something that's been talked about yet.

But I feel like a lot of people misunderstand what a subculture is. So when they see Hobie, they see fashion, and music taste, and attitude. They instead perceive him as an aesthetic. Not someone who participates in subculture.

Subculture is a way of life. It encompasses not only your fashion and music tastes, but it can and usually extends to things like your morals, your behaviors, the spaces you exist in, etc.

Goth, Punk, Vegans, hell - even Nudists - are all subcultures. Because they effects the persons lifestyle. Subcultures are lifestyles.

Aesthetics are not.

An aesthetic is a (usually) visual ambience that is meant to evoke a specific emotion.

Aesthetics can extend to fashion, decor, and music taste - but not your morality or behavior.

E-girls, Emos, Hipsters, what have you - all aesthetics as they do not encompass morals, or behaviors.

And because of that - there are things that do or don't make you a punk. But there aren't really things that do or don't 'make you emo'.

Aesthetics don't have conditions, but subcultures do.

You have to be anti-government to be punk. You don't have to hate your life to be emo.

(Which is why when people bring this up, people are quick to call 'gatekeeping!' Because in the context of aethetics gatekeeping is seen as unneccesary, whereas in subcultures 'gatekeping' is more so protecting the underlying beliefs and motivations of the movement. People who see Hobie as an aesthetic will find these conditions odd because they're not seeing his punkness as a subculture.)

Today on the internet, it's a lot more common and easy to engage in an aesthetic. It's not uncommon for someone to purposefully pick an aesthetic - and go all out - simply because they like it. It's great. I engage with an aesthetic all the time.

But because of that, when people see Hobie it's easy to immediately be like 'oh okay hes doing it out of fashion hes doing it because he vibes with it cool.'

They look at Hobie the way they would look at an eboy (do those still exist).

______________________________________________

Sooo mixing the censored image of a punk along with the modern-day instinct to perceive something as an aesthetic rather than a way of life kinda causes.....this.

A Hobie tag were a lot of people completely misunderstand who he is as a person and his motivations as a superhero outside of 'I hate the establishment'.

Plus add in a dash of people just being totally blank on 70's politics. The Vietnam War, Margaret Thatcher coming to power, the IRA, etc. - all of those things I think tells us a lot about Hobie. I'm currently on a piece about that and an explainer of most of those events. Or if you want a brief rundown please feel free to ask, I'll do my best.

If you wanna know Hobie more - don't listen to punk music. Go read the lyrics, if you get what I mean. They truly do have something to say.

Hope this made some sense, thanks for reading if you made it this far :) also no proofread we die like kings but ill most likely do it later and delete this note.

[choppedcowboydinosaur]

A few weeks ago I delved into this rabbit hole of watching videos about the In Praise of Shadows hit piece on Wendigoon. Now mind you I don't watch either of these people's content but here's what I noticed during this whole drama.

For In Praise of Shadows I noticed the following (Note for the rest of this post I will refer to In praise of shadows as IPOS because it's easier for me to type.):

He wants ideological purity for horror movies. He doesn't think any conservatives should be allowed in horror. He thinks horror is inherently leftist. Which is odd since you could make the argument 80's slasher films have a conservative bent to them. Were all debauchery is punished by the slasher villain and only the final girl survives by being pure. Also, he accuses Late Night with the Devil of being a conservative movie because some of the transition cards use AI. That is odd to me since if you are going to call that movie conservative it should be by analyzing its themes rather than accusing it of AI. It just makes him seem like a very fragile person.

Most of his accusations are just guilt by association and lying about the youtubers he's complaining about. He accuses a bunch of people I've never heard of being gun crazed guntubers. None of these youtubers are guntubers. He also shits on Mutahara and Shoeonhead for no legitimate reason. I stopped watching Shoeonhead a while ago and distrust her somewhat but even I thought that accusation of her being conservative was completely disingenuous.

He accuses Internet Historian of being a neo-nazi because his birthday being 4/20 which is apparently Hitler's birthday. This stood out to me since you'd think for someone as terminally online as him, he would know what the 4/20 meme is.

He often associates guns with right wing despite there are leftists who use guns. Again, it's a very twitter mentality he has.

He bitches about Wendigoon being supposedly rich. I don't know how true this is, but I am starting to doubt IPOS claims of poverty given his pretentious manners. That and all he cares about is making video essays.

Also, he is whiny about not making enough youtube money and having to walk in a parking lot to a horror convention in North Carolina. To be fair he might have been saying this on behalf of handicap people, but they have handicap stalls for a reason. Also, if you aren't making enough youtube money there's this thing called getting a job. Especially, a part time one which allows for a more flexible schedule for him to make videos. Again, this man is very whiny.

He sounds like a pretentious version of Morakiu. He speaks in a monotone voice with no inflection in his voice. At least Morakiu was funny.

He has twitter brainrot. I say twitter brainrot because specifically he thinks all of Appalachia is white racists. Say what you will about this site many here would have called him out on that. For the record Appalachians are not inherently racist.

He associates aloha shirts with the boogalooo boys/alt-right. He said this while wearing an aloha shirt himself. Now that might be him being ironic but his stupidity cancels it out. Now while the boogaloo boys love their aloha shirts it is not explicitly a right-wing thing. I am a local from Hawaii and many of us here wear aloha shirts regularly so it's not some alt-right thing. I hate how people have now associated something innocent with that. Aloha shirts existed long before the alt-right ever came into existence.

He has this schizo moment where he thinks Wendigoon was trying to harass him by following him on twitter. When it turns out Wendigoon followed him because he liked his Slenderman video.

Pretty much the whole internet pushed his shit in after he spouted all that nonsense. He is a living case of a terminally online leftist with twitter brainrot. On one hand this man was clearly going through a mental breakdown, is delusional and should touch grass/seek therapy. On the other hand, he is a spiteful miscreant who likes to tarnish other people so my sympathy for him is very limited. It's good everyone rejected his ass because I feel like if he did this shit in 2017, he might have gotten away with it given how crazy everyone was driven with the TDS.

Now onto Wendigoon. Despite all this slander Wendigoon forgives IPOS. To me this shows he is legitimate in his kindness and beliefs. Since he was forgiving to someone who did not give him any courtesy at all. Which is doubly ironic since IPOS hates when people slander him, but he is fine with slandering other people. It's like I'm looking at two people diverging form a forked road. One chose the path to hurt people because he was hurt. The other chose the path to help people because he was hurt and doesn't want anyone to suffer. He's honestly far more merciful than I would have been in that situation. The thing was bizarre overall. Hopefully, after seeing IPOS madness people will calm down and not try to cancel each other. Unlikely but hopefully that reckoning will come and people go back to normal.

[ladyhindsight]

i know this isnt rlly ur thing but the fandom is so cooked............ just trying to exist as an anti incest fan is impossible i constantly get told off by other fans im stupid and too serious or missing the symboism idk the fans make me think im takin crazy pills its crazy cause sometimes i think ur too harsh on cc but like the incest stuff i agree with and 4 some reason thats the hardest opinion for fans 2 accept idgi incest is worse than cassandra bein repetitive??

In general, it is problematic to declare certain views as correct under the guise of then ignoring differing ones. Why would some readers get to decide what is too serious and, for what even, stupid? What makes positive views towards the books more respectable and virtuous than those offering valid criticism? What gives the right to hand-wave the concerns some readers have just because you have no issue with them and raise that point above all others? When you suppress the opinions of others and tower over them by dictating how a book should be interpreted and liked, you are less likely to get those who think contrary interested in your views, albeit positive or negative.

Some of the opinions I’ve contested (for instance, those concerning the incest theme or the repetitive nature of Clare’s writing) and that I’ve ever come across seem (personally) to be approached superficially to some extent, sometimes even in untruthful way because of the incapability to understand where the criticism in question even comes from or how it even came about. It is easier to compare two seemingly similar things than to understand their meaning in their own contexts.

I know that no one really wants to acknowledge or listen to anything negative about what they love so much. It seems to be a downright personal insult or attack on your character when something so important and special to you is criticized. For which I think it’s important to separate yourself from that, know who you are and what you think and why, to recognize that something can be shit and improved and what more and that you still like it and/or are entertained by it.

Fiction is the place to safely entertain ideas so far out of our own lives, to challenge our thinking and ethics and moral even. So it’s not necessarily the content of a work that’s interesting or disturbing but rather the implementation of different elements and how they are executed with the rest of what makes a story. And that’s usually where I find my criticism towards Clare rising. Not what is included rather than how it is carried out and presented in the context of this particular author’s writing.

Everyone is entitled and free to their own opinions, as well as to how they consider and value others. It’s the tone of expression and how you treat people in face of disagreement that’s more noteworthy, I think. During the earlier years of the blog, I did receive messages from readers who were less than pleased with its contents or my approach on criticizing Clare’s writing, but I’ve always said and will always say that I’m just one person on the internet offering opinions, viewpoints, and criticism, and whether someone finds that helpful or not is not for me to decide. Though I am endlessly glad for all the people who interact and have interacted with me here and offered wider perspective and insights on different topics concerning TSC.

I don’t know what wisdom to offer, if any, but maybe it’s easier and brings less weariness to just do your own thing and engage less with the readership that does not welcome that type of discussion. I’ve personally had to do a lot of work on reflecting on things that I liked and their relationship to me (Clare’s works as the glaring example here), and coming to terms with that is not an overnight experience. Sometimes it’s also easier on yourself to think I disagree and move on than trying to understand each individual psychology behind every opinion.

I get that I’m sometimes harsh in my critiques. It’s just that I get feelings and the snark comes out, and I’m prone to hyperbole in terms of humor, so the end result is what it is. I’m not entirely happy and more disappointed in retrospect how I’ve conducted myself on some instances while trying to find the proper words and tone when approaching whatever the topic is at hand. And sometimes it doesn’t work and things go to shit. I’m good at being mean to words on paper, but it’s not how I want to be when talking and messaging with real people. :’)

[unfunnyaceartist]

I love the internet

Its just some people on here that I dislike.

I think the internet was an incredible thing to happen that changed countless lives across the globe! It makes things easier. You can find people who understand you, share creations, share interests, share thoughts, buy, sell, show, perform, comfort people, help people, make friends, get support, start a business, spread awareness, and much more! Its a powerful tool that is often underappreciated. It is a PRIVILEGE. Not a right.

Now there are some people who use the internet to harm rather than help. Some choose the veil of anonymity to harass people. Some abuse and manipulate people. Some share hateful or inappropriate content, even though they're well aware of children on the internet.

With all of the amazing advantages technology brought us, came people who sought to use it in overall not good ways. Now more than ever its easier to come across something traumatic, inappropriate, cruel, scary, manipulative, illegal, and horrific things. All it takes is one wrong click for a child in elementary school to stumble across 18+ websites. All it takes is one typo to ruin a persons innocence. All it takes is one "prank" to traumatize someone. Im grateful my parents limited my internet access as a child. I know for a fact I would have stumbled upon some stuff that would have near irreversibly altered my mind. Lots of totally cool and normal things exist for certain audiences that arent really unethical, but the thing is, a lot of sites wont make sure of age. Most just have you click a checkbox that you are 18 or older. Its irresponsible in my opinion.

I'm going to make one example of my last point using a game im very familiar with that isnt a huge issue: Doki Doki Literature Club. SPOILERS AHEAD!!!! also this is so unlike me lmao. PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF I GOT ANYTHING WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM BAD AT WRITING SO HFUKJSGJh

It is a FANTASTIC indie psychological horror game with many interesting aspects and dark topics. The problem? Its marketed as a dating simulator with a cutesy style. A kid who failed to read more or heard from a friend saying to check it out as a prank (the latter happened to me) can easily download the original free game. Well, no biggie, right? It has a warning at the beginning, so it should be fine, right? Wrong. Lets take a look at the disclaimers.

Do you see that? "This game is not suitable for children or those who are easily disturbed" and "Individuals suffering from anxiety or depression may not have a safe experience playing this game." Now Ive played this game more times than I can count. Ive done every route, ive gotten every ending, i've gotten every secret,I even used to have a lot of the dialogue memorized, so trust me when I say, yes, this game can be incredibly unsettling at times, but its not the worst thing one can encounter. However its easily accessible as its completely free. The issue with the warning screens is a few things. One, you literally can just click through them without reading them like many do. Two, people may only skim the text or not care enough to go to the link. Three, IT DOES NOT SPECIFY WHAT IS DISTURBING!!! Lets take another look at the first warning: "This game is not suitable for children or those who are easily disturbed". Well, this game is marketed as a a cute highschool dating sim. For all parents or children know it could just be a bit spicy, and I know from experience, kids usually think they're grown enough to handle these things. What if a child goes in expecting a makeout scene when they go to Sayoris room to check on her before the festival only to find her corpse? Now what about the other warning? "Individuals suffering from anxiety or depression may not have a safe experience playing this game." And then it gives a link for content warnings. yes, this is better than the first IMMENSELY but the problem still stands that for all they know it could just have high stress parts or mention things like abuse or breakups or intercourse which can be triggering to some, and lets be honest, how many kids do you think will actually go to the website to read the content? Probably little to none unless their guardian figure makes them. I played this game in late fifth grade, and I thought I was practically an adult. Oh how wrong I was, BUT THATS OFF TOPIC. It would be much more beneficial and logical to just say 'this game covers dark, disturbing, and triggering topics and contains graphic content.' or something along those lines, OR EVEN VERIFY THEIR AGE. Without proper research an elementary schooler who was pranked by their friends (like me) could easily be traumatized. Im very glad I did research on it prior to my gameplay.

MY POINT IS THE INTERNET NEEDS MORE SAFETY AND STUFF BUT NOTHING STUPID LOL OKAY BYE SORRY FOR THE ABRUPT ENDINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

[potaracandy]

𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃 '𝐄𝐌 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐏!

Last updated August 9th 2024.

— Vegito is a character who, despite how well known he is in the scope of anime & manga, has gotten surprisingly little in canon. He's shown up for a handful of episodes in the entire Dragon Ball franchise, only fighting and not doing much else screentime-wise. Needless to say, how I run him is heavily headcanon-based and canon-divergent for reasons that're shown on his about page. Please keep this in mind, and don't try to police me on how I write him or how I run my blog in general.

— I know enough things about Super (the anime's events at least) to do things in that setting, but I much prefer Z's. Vegito's DBZ-orientated by default, geared towards the cusp end after the Buu saga, unless he's interacting with a DBS-debuted character who operates in that verse. I do have specific DBS AUs of him being permanent going into it from Z, and starting from when Goku & Vegeta fuse to combat Zamasu. Whichever AU is being used varies on a case-by-case basis, but you're welcome to request a specific one.

— 18+ preferred, if only because I'm over 21 and would rather be around other adults than minors. Very crossover & OC friendly! I will not interact with blogs who actively shun OCs. My muse gels best with sci-fi and/or fantasy based characters because of DB's nature. Blogs of other anime-manga series are welcome, but I fell out of my anime craze in early highschool years ago and have remained out of the loop for what's mainstream these days, so please excuse my lack of pre-existing knowledge for your series if it comes up. I'm open to writing with other Vegitos, but I'll never follow first, or initiate with one on a multi unprompted first.

— Standard RP etiquette applies, as always. I would say I'm selective, but honestly? I'm not that hard to interest or "impress". I'll follow anyone I actively want to write with, and will not follow those who I don't for whatever reason. With that said, I am mutuals only - so if we ain't following one another, rping is a no-go. Just makes things easier. Especially don't ask me to follow you. If you unfollow me, I'll return the notion. Blogs that only write sexual content because of the lewd nature of their source material (or of their muse) tend to repel me. Idc how picky it'll make me seem; I will never follow blogs who don't use a consistent tagging system. Being unable to blacklist things drives me up a wall.

I do not & will not interact with accounts that use AI art or AI writing.

— So, shipping. I'll be shameless upfront and say that my Vegito already has a significant other canon to him, who is an OC of mine: Amita (I have her over on my DB multi). Despite that, I welcome a multiship system here where I can pair him off with other characters in separate AUs. Chemistry between characters is key, and us developing some chemistry OOC as writers will help stir up some more interest on my end. My Vegito isn't the type to get shallow crushes, especially not for strangers, and he doesn't care much for romance or sex as a whole (outside of using the topics for jokes). If any character wants to get with him, they have to work for it. Just maybe they could grab his attention.

— Fight threads. Good ol' DB and its focus on combat. Sadly, I can't say I'm an expert with them. I can still try them though! So, I'm open to spontaneous conflict since Vegito will probably egg it on anyway. Feel free to hit me up if you're down to plot out your character and Vegito scrapping. Considering how strong he is though, I recommend to not approach a fight thread with the intent to have your character win ***if we haven't plotted***. I'm all for fair, interesting fights, but please respect Vegito's strength. I won't have him lose to someone he in any reality would never lose to. Sorry to any Mr. Satan rpers out there.

— Last points. Uhh I would prefer posts containing gore and body horror to be tagged, because being blind-sided with that content can make my headspace spiral into Badness. I also prefer if smut and sexual content in general gets tagged, because on bad days it can REALLY irritate me to see. If untagged posts bother me enough, I'll DM you a request to start tagging them. I freely use my block button and will do so to curate my space however I please. I don't send passwords, nor is there one to send to me.

Thanks for reading!

CREDITS: Anime icons used were cropped by me. Multiverse icons used were cropped by me. Colored manga icons used were cropped by me. Black & white manga icons of Vegito are from here. My avatar was made by me. The renders by blz151101 are free to use.

[nicollekidman]

THE WAY YOU BACKTRACK no its just a conspiracy people seeing antisemitism with their own eyes? abby get a grip, you apologize and then you reblog a "actually its just a conspiracy to discredit palestine" like these theories havent been around for millenia

i at no point have backtracked???? you guys have to calm down and like either read the words i’m typing or accept you’re just dying to scold me for some reason and to stop engaging. like i know a disconcerting amount of you are zionists hanging around to just randomly accuse me of antisemitism (there’s a reason i haven’t been publishing those over the last few weeks lmao) but if someone comes to me and says “what is your reaction to this stuff i’ve been seeing” and i say “idk i haven’t been seeing any of that, here is my reaction to what i HAVE been seeing” and i get like six more people saying “no actually we have been seeing this stuff and if you don’t more obviously say you don’t Love Osama Bin Laden then we’re going to assume you love antisemtism!!!” then obviously my first reaction is going to be like. well damn i didn’t realize you guys were seeing this, i better get rid of an upsetting response i made off the cuff based on different information, and apologize for upsetting anyone by the disconnect.

but then the most recent post i recently reblogged is about the VERY SPECIFIC PHENOMENON we’re all currently discussing, where overnight, a prominent grifter twitter journalist wrote about a “viral” tiktok trend where the youth are apparently “praising” a terrorist which again. from the beginning, i have said i have not seen evidence of myself (which is true!!). and if you take a second to step back and ask yourself why on earth this would happen out of nowhere and be reported on like it’s a sweeping trend taking hold of america’s youth (after like 24 hours), on a platform that for weeks i have seen literally only videos from/by young palestinians and young jewish people educating their peers and others…. then maybe those videos are not truthful and organic thoughts from real people.

idk why it’s easier to believe that a platform that has been a huge source of information for the palestinian cause in a way that zionists and other invested groups cannot control is, i cannot emphasize this enough, OVERNIGHT filled with kids who have decided after reading one letter (that has been PULLED by the website citing this specific trend!!) that they love the thoughts of osama bin laden…. rather than accepting that our disdain for both tiktok as a resource and young people as a general group makes us accept that insane idea much more easily than we normally would!!!

i think that young people are capable of rational thought! i also know that writing about tiktok as a breeding ground for concerning trends/incomprehensible viral videos is a sure fire way to get everyone up in arms in a way that i don’t accept as reality! i also know that this whole thing has probably been very concerning for jewish people who don’t want to see antisemitic bigoted hateful vile people given a platform. but what i’m saying and what that post is saying is that insofar as these videos of kids apparently being “on board” with osama exist and are being spread (again. i personally have not seen a single one, so my original post is deleted was not reacting to this type of video) are very likely being created/spread with the intent to discredit tiktok as a platform and bury legitimately educational content.

if all you take from this is that i ❤️ antisemitic conspiracies then fine, i feel like i’ve been clear and at this point engaging further feels like adding fuel to a fire i don’t have any interest in spreading. if anyone feels like im being ignorant and wants to talk to me about it im obviously always open but this particular line of questioning? ive made myself clear and im not buying into the hysteria. young people are, in larger numbers than i have ever seen in my lifetime, mobilizing in their schools and cities and local government to make their voices heard and pressure their politicians for change, every day i see extremely brave people on my tiktok both spreading information and doing their best to get educated responsibly, and my attention and energy is with those kids, not with a likely manufactured hysteria over terrorist lovers that i haven’t seen myself at any point.

[thefreelanceangel]

My online friend of a few years suddenly got a girlfriend(I assume) they both have eternity rings and hearts with each other's name in their search info. A part of me is happy for them but another part of me is hurt because my friend barely talks to me anymore, asks to hang out, or even acknowledges my existence...but I see them all the time hanging out with their FC. What should I do?

Oof. >< I'm sorry for you, kiddo, I know how much that hurts to go from having regular interactions with someone to... suddenly... just kinda not.

And there's no simple answer, I'm afraid.

Everyone at some point is going to lose track of older friends in the rush of excitement that comes with Someone New. That can be a new RP partner, a new gaming friend, a new romantic relationship, anything. Novelty is exciting and human brains love it.

So your friend being caught up in Someone New is not a judgement on how much they like you, on how much fun they have with you, or a failing on your part. It absolutely does not mean you are boring, just that the human brain is a novelty-seeking thing.

First step is to reach out to your friend and ask them about their new friend (possible girlfriend.) Show interest in how they met, let your friend gush about how they feel if they're the gushing type. And during that conversation, you can offer to run content together, talk about how much you'd like to spend time together.

Sometimes this works and you get the bonus of A New Friend, which is fuckin' wonderful!

And sometimes it doesn't.

Quite a few different things may happen, and without knowing you or your friend, I can't say for sure what might play out, but here are a few things I've experienced before.

A) Old Friend introduces me to New Girlfriend. We play the game together, have fun, new friendships are formed. (Best case scenario and what I sincerely hope for because this is great! I LOVE it when this happens.) B) Old Friend makes a haphazard attempt to stay friends, but New Girlfriend is also caught up in the rush of Novelty and they lose touch with a lot of their friends for a few months until the New has worn off and then they reconnect. (Not a bad scenario, but it can be trying to the patience, especially if you have friendship degradation. This is the most common scenario so I'd expect this to happen.) C) New Girlfriend is insecure about the New Relationship and unpleasant to Old Friend because they want the attention of Old Friend all to themselves. [This is not always abusive behavior so don't accuse your Old Friend's New Girlfriend of abuse if you think you see this. Sometimes people are just insecure and do not handle it well.] Arguments occur and Old Friend either breaks off friendships (usually coming back a year or so later with an apology) or distances themselves. (A very unpleasant scenario and I hope it doesn't happen.) D) Old Friend doesn't see anything wrong with ignoring me because they have a New Girlfriend and make no attempt to maintain contact. They drift away and either message months or years later when the relationship ends or I never hear from them again. (Also an unpleasant scenario, which I hope you don't experience.) E) Old Friend introduces me to New Girlfriend and we just do not get along. We maintain peace for the sake of Old Friend, but inevitably, distance grows and the friendships change. (This is unpleasant, but also not BAD because relationships do change over time.)

If you're in different groups than your friend and their New Girlfriend (who might've been a member of that FC or joined because of the new relationship) it can be hard to coordinate times and interaction. I've found it's easier to just go along with a larger group that's already coordinated their time/activity than it is to schedule my own with a smaller group. (i.e. doing game content with an FC or an RP group rather than three individual friends outside of that group) So Old Friend & New Girlfriend doing stuff with their FC--who they might have already established routines with--isn't necessarily exclusionary to you.

However.

It sucks being in your position and it does absolutely hurt. You have every right to feel left out and saddened by this change, and you absolutely should tell Old Friend that "hey I miss doing this stuff with you, can we get together? I can come along with your FC group for this FATE farm/dungeon run/leveling hour/etc."

Often, when the Novelty hits, people don't actually realize that they're investing ALL of their time into it. And it's VERY VERY rarely intentional to exclude someone they'd been friendly with before. I strongly doubt that Old Friend doesn't like you as much or has some problems with you.

I really do think it's just the Whirlwind of Novelty that's got Old Friend all abuzz over New Girlfriend. Sometimes we just have to wait that Whirlwind out until Old Friend & New Girlfriend have settled into a stable relationship and their brains let them look back outward from the little niche they created together.

Reach out to Old Friend, tell them that you miss them, you're happy they're having such a great month/year/time, but you'd like to spend time with them.

And then do NOT keep yourself just... waiting around on them. It's unfair to YOU to be waiting for someone to ride the Novelty Rollercoaster and it's unfair to THEM to be responsible for someone else's good time.

Now is probably the best time to strengthen other friendships, explore other ways of using the time that you used to devote to Old Friend, and work on just maintaining contact with them. Your friendship will change over time; all relationships do. This is natural and happens to everyone, to every relationship, constantly.

But you're absolutely allowed to mourn the friendship you had, to feel saddened and hurt, to seek consolation from others and express your grief over the change.

Just don't lock yourself into a holding pattern for Old Friend or set yourself up for disappointment by expecting everything to Go Back to the Same.

Take this time to pursue things that maybe Old Friend wasn't so into--maybe different types of content or a TV show you like or some other game entirely--and reach out to other people who are doing the things you enjoy. Focus on filling your time with activities and experiences for you and just keep a channel open and wave to Old Friend on a regular basis so they know they can always wave back and maybe reconnect when the Novelty wears off.

I hope you do okay, hon!

[wildswrites]

god, gods, goddesses ;

prompt from @flashfictionfridayofficial​​​ !! word count : 997. context : +/- 2 hours post zombie outbreak, stopping for a break. content warning : n/a.

“So what do you believe in, Calla?”

We are in the woods again. Another break was inevitable; we have a lot of county to cover, and even with trading the baby back and forth, my arms are aching. I can’t imagine how tired Sienna must be - of weaker countenance and weaker strength - but I can almost see it from the shape of Sienna’s body where she leans against a tree, legs outstretched so tightly that the back of her knees nearly touch the ground. The baby sits in front of her, fisting handfuls of grass with a gleeful grin, and for a moment we were allowed to be still. Quiet. But now Sienna has broken the silence.

“God, Gods, Goddesses? Reincarnation, science, Adam and Eve, the tree of life?”

(continued below cut)

Every item added to the list only scrambles my brain further, but she keeps right on going. And when she’s done, when she’s quiet again, she is looking to me for an answer. I don’t have one.

“Is there ever an end to your questions?” I ask instead, because it is easier and because I’d much rather listen to her talk than the other way around. There is something to be said about the way a smile twists on Sienna’s face. We are close now, only a few feet between us, and I have little excuse to look away when we’re having a conversation, but I want to in as much as I don’t think that I can. 

“Of course not. We are made of curiosity at our basest point. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but I will warn you that I have a thousand more questions in waiting.”

That startles a laugh out of me, bubbling up my throat and into the air without a second of forethought; I look around, but there is nothing’s attention to garner. We are safe still.

“Why am I not surprised by that?” Her endless questions would get her in trouble back in school. There is no shock in the revelation that she never managed to grow out of it. “I… don’t know what I believe in, to tell you the truth. I’ve never been religious, but I like to believe that there’s some sort of meaning to our existence. Now though…” Now, with the dead chasing us down, with someone else’s child our responsibility, with Sienna at my side… “Now, I’m not so sure.”

“You don’t have to be sure. But what if you did? What would you pick?”

“Reincarnation, I suppose. Makes the most sense. And you have opinions on that, I hear?”

I expect her to launch right into it, because she always did as kids. She does not.

“Aw, not the tree of life?”

She raps her knuckles against the tree she is leaning against, eyebrow arched.

“Sure. The tree of life too. What’s the harm?”

We drift into silence, and I look around at the scene we’ve found ourselves in. Alone in the middle of the woods, and only halfway certain on the direction that we’re meant to be heading. In the front of my mind, I’m picturing finding another road at last, finding people, safety, making a police report or two. In the back of my mind, I’m wondering if it will actually go the way I want.

“I don’t just believe in reincarnation, you know.” She is quiet, and she is not looking at me. The baby is content babbling to himself, but she is no longer engaging with him; her gaze is on the dirt between her legs, and with one hand she draws fuzzy shapes. I can hear what she is feeling in her voice, but that does not give me the tools to fix it. “I know it is true, with all of me. I remember.”

“I know.” This belief had not won her friends when we were children. The moment that she had someone alone she would regale them with tales of seaside adventures, having a child of her own, learning how to bake bread with someone who died long before she was born. I always thought the stories were interesting, but that was more than I was willing to admit; I was not willing to lose friends the way that she was. “I believe you, as much as I can.”

Silence again, but it is not a painful one, just contemplative. Sienna is not looking at me, but I am looking at her - the gentle curve of her jawline, how her hair has tangled during our travels, the way she absently taps her fingers against her bare leg, attracting the baby’s attention whether she’s meaning to or not. She looks up, and catches me staring. “Do you want to hear about them?”

There is a warmth to my cheeks that I cannot deny, caught out without an explanation to give. She does not ask for one, and I like that about her. “...Just one. Like a bedtime story.”

She does not say it is not bedtime. She does not say we have to get moving again soon. She does not say I couldn’t possibly pick just one. Instead she smiles, she nods, and she begins.

“Well. I think the year was 1802, for my origin point in this story…”

From there she weaves a tale of being a child in Illinois, the responsibilities at her feet, the way that the household was run, the streets that she would take to get to church. She talks about moving to a town called Madison in its early years, and it is a place that I’ve never heard of, so she could be lying to me. I don’t think she is, inexplicably; the details are rich, the look on her face dreamy and faraway. When the story cuts off short, the girl in it only twenty-five years old, I do not comment. 

And when we get back on the move, I am content - its own, quiet, achievement.

taglist : n/a. ask to be added if you’re interested! general taglist : @thatonedreamer​​.

[datastate]

hi. steeples my hands. thinking abt kai and q-taro in particular just... talking abt being gay (in a ytts situation); because it’s easier for kai to accept moreso than gender (+ presentation) that i imagine he’d end up inadvertently discussing with reko or even kazumi... even though i do feel like taro’s similarly comfortable enough being nonbinary, it doesn’t matter as much to him as his sexuality does because he considers himself more someone who exists in relation to other people - be it strangers, friends, or his partner(s).

with my hcs in particular, i’m sure for kai it’d just. be very comforting coming to the realization that taro is someone who’s happily romantically involved with another man. even if kai cannot even consider it a possibility for himself to realistically pursue, merely seeing that people like them can lead fulfilling lives is more than enough.

figuring out the journey for each of them too, when it comes to accepting this as part of themselves... because they come from such different backgrounds & have very contrasting temperaments/preferences when it comes to letting themselves be known.

taro does value masculinity, but found a group of friends who he could be openly affectionate with while upholding that ideal (which is much more healthy for him because he then doesn’t feel as unloved or fear of making his friends feel unloved because. physical affection is one of the main ways he can show how much he cares because he often struggles with articulating his thoughts) where the more casual environment ultimately did lead into him realizing more about himself.

and then kai’s general inexperience regarding love - both platonic and romantically, where only very recently did he find solace in another’s affections and wears their bond openly. he’s achingly aware that he’s not prepared for anything else yet, but usually... he’s content with that. for the moment, it’s already been a difficult journey realizing he has the chidouins who love him and are helping him readjust to feeling alive rather than a survivor. even if he struggles accept the idea that his life has permanence at the moment, he’s slowly trying to come to terms with that too. although, underlying it all, lies the fact that as part of asunaro, it is safer if he does keep his connections to very few as to not draw its eye their direction.

agghh... gestures. it’s just very cathartic to me, the idea of them having this sort of heart to heart.

[coolcattime]

For the character ask: 2&8 Jordan, 3&7 Tom, 25 Ianite (or god of your choice)

Jordan

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

I really like Jordan’s relationship with Andor. It’s genuinely nice to see him interacting nicely with someone who wants to be friends with him. Like Andor is by far my favourite of NPCs' canon interactions with Jordan (and yes, that includes with Ianite, because S1 they barely interact, S2 just NO, and I haven't seen Isles).

I like their friendship, it’s nice, and it’s nice to see Jordan get the interaction and friendship with a fellow Ianitee that he clearly wanted throughout S1.

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

This might be a confusing one, but I don’t like when people remove Jordan’s “relationship” with Capsize. For a couple of clear things before I go into this, this is a very new feeling for me, I do like Jordan as a character, and I understand the want to get rid of this plot point. Hell, when I’m not focusing on canon, I also think it’s easier to get rid of this plot point, but with kinda universe canon plots…

I think how Jordan interacted with Capsize, and how he interacted with other people relating to Capsize, is the worst thing he did in Season 1. AND I also think removing that makes him so much less interesting. It’s just, it’s like a bad thing he did and I think it’s just a lot more interesting for him to actually have to learn, grow, and apologise for it than to remove his part of their fractured relationship.

Also, in general, I think there’s so much character conflict you can do, especially if you ship him and Tom (or even him and Dianite), that you kinda can’t if you remove his absolute obsession with a woman that does not like him, to the point of being actively aggressive towards other characters (*cough* he’s in the goddamn closet *cough*).

(I’ll be honest, maybe my opinion changed because of Danganronpa 2, and having very similar opinions about Kazuichi, but I really think there’s something there worth exploring rather than removing).

Tom

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

I think him disappearing for a lot of the plot in Season 2? Like it’s a little hard to pinpoint an exact moment (because I only ever watched Jordan’s POV, and in general don’t have a great memory for canon), but him kinda just disappearing throughout most of the Season 2 plot is not the most fun just in general for the character. It does not help that I don’t really remember when he disappears, just that it’s after Andor’s prison break, so like I genuinely don’t remember what he’s about for (like, it doesn’t really matter, I’ll put him in scenes he wasn’t present for, but it’s a little frustrating I guess).

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

Generally, I like that a lot of the fandom content with Tom explores his relationships with other characters. Like, I think as a character, a lot of his best actions and moments come from his interactions with other characters, and seeing people in general explore that in the fandom is always really neat. (I feel like I should have more to say, but in general this is kinda like very much that I like seeing how people interrupt and explore his relationships with other characters. Like I think there’s something more to it, but I’m not really sure what it is.)

Ianite

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

So I’m going to answer this in relation to Season 1 Ianite, as I think she’s the most focused on.

My original opinion, first when Jordan just made her up on the spot, was “Damn you petty man, I love this.” I really like when people just decide to do things because they’re vaguely annoyed, and that is the entire reason Ianite exists. When she was actually shown to be real, I was like “Oh cool, a mystery.” I was very invested in the plot of Season 1, and genuinely did like the focus on Ianite.

Now, I kinda wish she had stayed more of a supporting character. This is kinda two fold, both in that the fandom focused a lot of their energy on Ianite (because they focused a lot of their energy onto Jordan), and also that the actual Season 1 Ianite I was interested in kinda wasn’t anything in S2. And now my opinion is both “I wish I saw more of this character” and “I wish this character got less focus so the other characters could have some” in a very odd way.

[fenikkusunohisana]

"Is there anywhere you would like to go?" He asks her. He can't help but wonder if she feels like a prisoner, for always having to stay at the Kuchiki Manor. He will take her wherever she wants to go.

Dearest Husband|| @scnkei

🌸 The question took her by surprise, not that it was unwelcomed, but she had accepted the reasons why she was not permitted to leave the manor. Even within the home, she had to make her presence non-existent when certain visitors appeared to speak with her husband. It was thanks to Urahara's ingenuity that such a feat was possible, as well as her return to health--in addition to the risks her husband had taken and still took to this day.

Admittedly, it could be at times..feel quite constricted..but it was preferable to the life she once led in Rukongai. That was not freedom. Yes, she could have gone anywhere but the cons heavily outweighed that. Hisana rather be here, within the manor with the conditions laid before her, than on the harsh and often cruel streets. Here..her sister was thriving and they both were safe, warm and loved. Certainly there were stresses..but nothing was comparable to what both her sister and herself had to endure.

Perhaps if her husband had been different..had been as cruel or worse than those she met on the streets..it may have felt like a cage. A prison. But no. He was a far better person. A wonderful, duty bound, honorable man that made every day better.

Byakuya was her home and her everything.If she could make his life anyway better, easier..as he had done for her, still do for her..she would. Even if it meant enduring the remarks of those in the family who knew she survived. Their bitterness that she had not passed to allow their head marry someone more suitable. His love for her as unfathomable as the deepest of waters..which only irritated them more as they could not grasp nor see what he saw.

Hisana also did not perceive what he see in her to risk so much time and time again but..those feelings of his did not go unanswered nor would she ever allow them to. There was nothing she would not do to ensure her husband's well-being, happiness and safety.

"I do not say this to be frustrating..but I am content and happy once I am at your side. Whether it is here or elsewhere, it matters little to me." Nothing was a prison once her husband was with her.

That said..it has been quite some time since she has last laid eyes upon the river..the cherry blossom trees that line the water..dropping petals and flowers below. The pond they had in their gardens was breath-taking..but her eyes could use a sight that was beyond the walls..even briefly.

"However..if you believe we can go walking besides the river near the town without any trouble befalling you, then I have no qualms upon asking us to go." It was also that time of year that young animals would be venturing out and exploring the lands--perhaps if they were lucky, they would see them.

[90363462]

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9 Erotic Bucket List Adventures That Aren't Sex

Sex sells and that's on Little Bo Peep.

Kiarra Sylvester

Jul. 12, 2022 07:00AM EST

Sex sells! That’s on Little Bo Peep, Mary and her little lamb, and whoever else. We see it all over the television and even outside of it. These days, novelty experiences are on the rise and are no longer reserved for bachelor and bachelorette parties! Folks can enjoy erotic outings and ideas any time, any place. And social media is making it easier than ever to sell these products and experiences in new and intriguing ways. Seriously, do phallic- and p*ssy-shaped desserts not make for Instagram-worthy content? 

Is it not aesthetically eye-catching to add those things to our Instagram Stories and feeds? It’s very similar to the popularization of selfie museums, in my opinion. They were popular by themselves but because of the new influencer agenda on social media – everyone can be someone – it makes specific experiences appear to be richer. Leave it to someone like myself, a sexuality enthusiast, if you will – the person whose friends send all the raunchy, wild content to because in their mind there’s no limit – to find a good sex novelty experience.

My documentation of my trip to New York’s Museum of Sex was followed by my TikTok algorithm recommending a bakery in NYC that sells vulva pastries. It made me wonder how many other fun places like these existed in the world. Though there are many, I compiled a list of 9 novelty sex experiences that would make the teenaged version of you that used to frequent Spencer's blush.

Kinky's Dessert Bar

New York, New York

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Black-owned and specializing in tasty goodies that are as sweet as they are sexy, Kinky’s Dessert Bar comes in at the top of the list! This adorable little pink shop is vibrant and fun-looking with a name to match it – who wouldn’t want to stop by? Alas, those under 18 aren’t allowed inside, and for good reason. However, if you are old enough to ride this ride, don’t leave feeling teased – try one of their explicit waffles, cupcakes, or cookies. 

Booze and Nudes 

Dallas, Texas

Booze and Nudes used to be a whole movement that began in Atlanta, however, it seems the OG promoters stopped doing this event. It garnered so much traction in ATL that they took this act on the road (trust me, I know). I’ve been pressed to find another one ever since but only recently found this new one based in Dallas. By far one of the most fun girls' night out experiences I had – dick swinging and all – it was like a less intense strip club (which is welcomed) combined with a sip and paint. The dates here are limited, so try it out while tickets last.

Museum of Sex

New York, New York

​This museum covers a wide variety of sexuality-related topics rather than finding any one niche. And, the Museum of Sex also doubles as a novelty store as well making for a one-stop-shop. My favorite part about this museum is they switch out their funtivity every now and then, at one point there was a booby bounce house. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that they will run it back!

Members Only Waffle House 

Toronto, Canada

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If you’re a U.S. resident looking for an excuse outside of Carabana to visit Toronto, here it goes! Similar to Kinky’s Dessert Bar, Members Only brings all the boys and girls to the yard with their phallic-shaped waffles. However, they have also expanded into making other NSFW treats, most notably ones featuring female genitalia, because balance.

Red Light Secrets 

Antique Vibrator Museum

San Francisco, California

I would love to make a trip to visit the Antique Vibrator Museum, as masturbation via sex toys is one of my favorite topics. This museum is run by Good Vibrations and in all fairness, it’s just one small room so it’s probably best to plan this trip around other things to do if you are ever in San Fran. However, it’s still worth visiting to be able to see up close and personal the transition of vibrators along with the sexist history that they harbor.

Philly Naked Bike Ride

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

​Though the Naked Bike Ride occurs in multiple cities and countries, I first discovered this event living in Philadelphia. As much as I love riding bikes and being naked, I’ll be the first to admit this isn’t my forte as a combined act. Bike seats are already so comfortable so just imagine. Nevertheless, I’ve heard it’s nothing less than an experience. Plus, the purpose is to advocate for body positivity and eco-efficient options, and who doesn’t like nudity for a good cause?

Leather Archives and Museum 

Chicago, Illinois

Leather Archives and Museum is committed to highlighting the leather, kink, fetish, and BDSM history through their exhibits. Not only is this a fun stop to make if you’re ever in the Chicago area, but it also brings better understanding to a community that is often misunderstood.

Amsterdam, Netherlands

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In addition to its architecture and canals, Amsterdam is most known for its liberal attitude towards sex and drugs. Their wild nightlife scene points to them being a city that is forever young, wild, and free. But specific to sex, they are known for legalized sex work which occurs in the Red Light District. Red Light Secrets in particular talks about the history of sex work which I think is great considering how stigmatized it is, despite the whole sex sells bit. But, the most fun part about this experience is that it’s located in an old brothel! 

Seattle Erotic Art Festival 

Seattle, Washington

This is a multimedia art festival showcasing the erotic via visual arts, performance, film, and literary art. Though the time to attend for 2022 has come and gone, the festival has already released dates for 2023. If all goes well with the world, you can expect to attend on April 21-23. This event has a minimum age of 21, so be sure to leave the kiddos behind for this sweet getaway.

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Kiarra Sylvester

Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.

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WELLNESS

7 Things You Didn't Know Were Keeping Your Lips Dry

ERICA FRASER

2H

Having ashy lips may be worse than having ashy knees. It's true. And now that it's getting colder, it's getting harder to keep our skin moisturized, and the skin on our lips is no different. Dry lips can be painful and uncomfortable. In extreme cases, they can even lead to bleeding and infections. So how can you keep your lips moisturized during the fall and winter months? 

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I Tried It: Amina Adem Natural Skincare Routine

XOSTAFF

20H

Creative Producer and Spelmanite Maura Chanz has amazing, flawless skin, so we had to know, what's her skincare routine? 

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BEAUTY & FASHION

Why Ami Colé Founder Diarrha N'Diaye-Mbaye Never Quit

HANNA PHIFER

21H

Here’s an indisputable fact: Black is beautiful. It always has been and it always will be. No one understands this more than Diarrha N'Diaye-Mbaye. As a little girl growing up in Harlem, New York, the Senegalese-American entrepreneur spent a lot of time in her mother’s hair salon watching the carousel of Black women that would come through the doors of the shop and saw how beauty could be a communal experience. 

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HOROSCOPES

Here Are The Least Compatible Zodiac Signs, According To Astrology

TAYLER BARAKAT

08 NOVEMBER

Astrology can give you insight into who you connect with on different levels, and where your heart is meant to be. The basics of astrology compatibility are that air signs go well with fire signs, and earth signs go well with water signs. The elements in the zodiac are nature's way of guiding people toward what feels good for them and what doesn’t, and when looking at what would make two signs incompatible, this is a big one. You also can examine compatibility by looking at the different modalities such as fixed signs, mutable signs, and cardinal signs.

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BOSS UP

Bianca Kathryn Is Making A Bold Statement And Building Inclusivity With Yo Soy AfroLatina

JANELL HAZELWOOD

07 NOVEMBER

Bold statements allow us, as Black women, to affirm ourselves, be sure we are heard, and let the world know we are to be loved and acknowledged. They unite us, spark healthy discourse, and allow us to build community in a way only we can. 

"I'm Black and I'm proud."

"Reclaiming my time." 

"My Black is beautiful." 

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[petalstumblingdown]

Fallen Friendships.

It’s not ideal, but it seems like I’ve stumbled into a dark tunnel that I can’t seem to muster the will to get out of. Metaphorically speaking. I’ve been blessed with the ability to easily connect with people, but unfortunately my brain is attached to the idea of what friendship should look like. Most importantly: friends should want to be around, and they should want to move passed disagreements because having the other person in their lives is most important. I haven’t followed my own idea, and now I’ve left a trail of broken friendships on my path to today. Now I’ve even started breaking bridges of social and familial relationships.

A few months ago, my brother’s wife told me she was hurt by a joke I made, but that’s just me. I joke and tease the ones I love, because they do the same to me. As does she, usually. I think I was just hurt that she took offense to some ‘I’ said, since she should know I think the world of her. Something so small made my walls fly up, and I ended up telling my brother it was easier to just not interact with her, because I couldn’t handle the situation. A fundamental part of my personality was causing pain for one of the people I love most in life. I can’t sensor myself. I talk a lot, I have almost no secrets, the only things I keep to myself are things like this, depressing thoughts that aren’t going to help anyone I love to know about because they’re not just going to go away. It’s easier to stay away than risk hurting her again. This is one of the most frustrating facets of my personality.

My insecurities have too much power over me, and many have come into existence through my experiences and strong emotions. Honestly, I’m tired of being disappointed by friendships. I love fiercely, deeply and I’m loyal to a fault. But that love is not unconditional. I’ve disagreed with choices people have made, and these points of contention, no matter how trivial, have ended those relationships. It takes little more than one time for this to happen before a person can begin to wonder if they’re so easily thrown away. And let’s just say that it’s happened to me a lot. I can only see a perspective as I am able, and it just leaves me waiting. I’m always waiting for them to turn up one day, so that I can mend whichever bridge has broken. (Yes, I am a bit of a doormat for people I love.) But, they have to make that step towards me. I feel too insecure in my own self worth to chase them because I don’t believe that I am worth the effort. Some have probably sensed this anxiety and stayed away because of it. It’s a lot to expect the other party to be the bigger person when both parties are hurt and disappointed.

Honestly my self worth is through the ground, it really couldn’t get any lower. I’m alive by the grace of my parents’ love, and how fiercely they’ve instilled the idea that they need me to exist and be around. Thankfully, no one could tell I’m like this just by looking at me, or through conversation; it would kill my family if they knew how easily I’d throw away my life if it meant they were able to be unburdened. But no price is worth the grief and shattering of my family. Unfortunately that also keeps me trapped here, slowly wasting away. And since I’ve managed to push away all my friends and am not seeking more people to befriend, I’ve stuck myself in a difficult position. But I’m just really, really tired. I have a lot to give, but I also ask so much. Besides, I’ve met a lot of good, amazing people, so the fault is entirely my own. I wish I wasn’t born this way. And for so long I’ve wished I was never born at all, I’d rather someone else more worthy of this blessed life were here in my stead. The concept of erasing someone from existence I feel, would be freeing, with no grief or guilt to worry about. Everyone deserves a trial at life before they are expected to go on for an unknown amount of years until the people who love them are gone; or worse, if they are to be at the mercy of worse circumstances.

On a lighter note, I know a lot could improve in my life if I gain some self confidence. Unfortunately, I’m scared to work on myself, in order to love myself more. I’m terrified by what I know about the world. In my opinion, it’s easier to be ugly and hate yourself, than be beautiful and risk the dangers that come with it. An amazing mix of personal experiences and an overactive imagination. Thankfully I’m able to manage the worst of my depression with said overactive imagination and love of stories and games. It also helps that I’m blessed in many ways. It’s easy to remember why I need to keep working and keep smiling, in darker moments like these.

Well, since I’ve now basically broken all the bridges that have ever existed in my life, it means I might be writing here more often. I think I’ll skip the tags though. There’s no advice needed for this, not that I’d probably take it anyway. I just have to hope my ability to immerse myself in hobbies will tide me over till the next time I’m mopey enough to post again.

[casspurrjoybell-19]

Does it Matter? - Chapter 31 - Part 1

*Warning: Adult Content*

Brayan was standing outside the door to Maric's room, talking to Raedon and Garrod.

He had just gone in to check if Maric needed anything.

He had not, at least not from Brayan.

He and Dara had been laying in bed together, looking rather comfortable. 

He hadn't been sure how he'd felt about the whole thing but seeing how at peace Dara looked now and how miserable he'd been when he and Maric were apart, it was hard to conclude that he had been better off with the latter situation.

At this point, though, he couldn't say he was surprised that the rules he'd grown up with were wrong.

Having to figure out for himself what he believed on every issue was exhausting but he could no longer ignore its necessity. 

"So Dara will be staying the night with Maric again?" Raedon asked.

"Mathers said Dara was mostly recovered..."

 "Maric's doing his job and taking care of his healer," Garrod said.

"Haven't you seen how sad and lonely Dara's been?" 

"Well, yeah but..." 

"Laws are for you and me," Brayan told him.

"Royalty exists so that we have someone to judge situations and make rulings. If those rulings never changed, they wouldn't have much of a job." 

Raedon hesitated and then nodded slowly.

"I don't think Maric is doing the wrong thing, I just don't want him to get in any trouble but you're right. He's a prince. Only his father could take action against him for this, and he let Dara be tortured for years so why would he care?" 

"Exactly. Now..." Brayan fell abruptly silent as movement caught his attention out of the corner of his eye.

Further down the hall, a servant girl of probably no more than ten years old froze as her eyes locked with Brayan's. 

Nobody outside of Maric's entourage was supposed to be down here.

After what had happened with Dara, the order had been given to make it easier to keep things secure.

This girl just looked frightened and lost, though.

He didn't get the sense that she was there for any malicious reason.

She probably just hadn't heard the order. 

"You shouldn't be down here," Brayan told her, firm but with no edge of threat in his voice. 

She nodded quickly but as she turned Brayan saw something swing in her hand. 

"Wait," Brayan said and she froze again.

"What do you have there?" 

She turned around slowly and held up a cord.

On it hung two very familiar, intertwined wooden circles. 

Brayan walked towards her.

"Where did you get that?"

The girl shrunk back, obviously intimidated.

"Do you... Sir, do you know someone named, uh... um... Brayan?" 

"That's me." 

Brayan was doing his best to keep his voice calm but he was fairly sure that only made him sound more threatening.

"Where did you get that?" 

She held the pendant out to him.

"An Eth man. A slave. He gave it to me and he said to find Brayan, and... and he looked really sick, Sir. I think he fainted." 

"Stay," Brayan told her as he grabbed the pendant from her, then he turned around and jogged two doors down and knocked loudly before opening the door without pause.

"Get up," he told Mathers as Mathers blinked sleepy eyes at him from the bed he'd been sleeping in.

"Bug is sick. Hudson, you too, get up." 

By now, the commotion had caught the attention of the rest of Maric's men and doors were opening down the hallway.

After another moment, Maric's door opened as well. 

Maric's gaze passed over his men and then landed on Brayan.

"What is going on?" 

Brayan indicated to the servant girl who was standing exactly where Brayan had left her.

"She says Bug is sick." 

"Go, then," Maric told him. 

Brayan nodded his gratitude and then turned his attention to the men.

"Garrod is in charge while I'm gone. I want everyone on high alert. If this is a diversion, it won't work." 

Dara peeked out from behind Maric.

"If Mathers can't help him, bring him here, okay?" 

"Can you heal him?" 

"I don't know," Dara admitted.

"But I don't know that I can't, either and if he needs help I have to try." 

"Thank you," Brayan told him and then turned to find Mathers behind him buttoning up his shirt and Hudson carrying Mathers' medical bag.

He tilted his head.

"Come on." 

The girl led them back down the hallway, down one flight of stairs and then down another hallway.

She stopped outside a door.

"He came out of here so I dragged him back inside so... so... I don't know. I didn't know what someone else might do if they found him." 

Hudson seemed sceptical, wary.

"You can move him on your own?" 

"I believe so. He's very light."

Brayan hesitated with his hand on the doorknob.

"Hudson, be ready for a fight. Mathers, be ready to run and tell the others what happened if anything doesn't seem right."

They both nodded and Brayan turned the knob. 

Bug was laying on his side on the floor, unconscious.

He was visibly struggling to breathe.

There was a foul smell in the air. 

Brayan gave a nod and Mathers immediately went to Bug's side to check him.

Hudson crept into the room, eyes everywhere as he carefully checked each door leading from the greeting room for danger. 

Brayan ushered the girl into the room as well and shut the door behind her.

"Stay," he told her once more, and then he knelt down next to Bug as well.

He looked so fragile. With each breath he took, Brayan was afraid the next just wouldn't come.

"What's wrong with him?" 

"He looks like he's been throwing up and judging by the state of him..."

Mathers held his fingers against Bug's wrist to feel for his pulse.

"I'd say he's been poisoned." 

"And I know with what."

Hudson walked out of one of the rooms, a biscuit held up in his hand.

"Reeks of fish in there. Someone put plomb fish in this and fed it to him. Guarantee it." 

"They're a toxic river fish, aren't they?" Mathers asked. 

"Hmm," Hudson confirmed.

"Very effective poison. Shuts down the whole body." 

"How is it treated?" Brayan asked. 

Hudson made a face.

"You eat little enough, you throw it up soon enough, you might live. Otherwise..." 

"Well, he threw it up, yes?" 

Hudson shook his head.

"Sorry. You don't get to that stage and come through it. You can't save him now." 

"No, we can't but I know who can."

Brayan bent down and lifted Bug's frail body into his arms.

"We're taking him to Dara."

[glassmarcus]

The Handheld Klonoa Games

*Played and Written in July 2022

Allow me to recount the great era of GBA platformers. I'm talking about the age when Rayman 3, Crash Bandicoot 2, Spyro 2 all came out...on the Game Boy Advance. Franchises wanted to take advantage of the portable market so they paired down their gameplay to make a few GBA games. They all have this certain flavor to them. Having pre-rendered "cut scenes", being somewhat of a soft remake of its corresponding console game, being questionably canon. As someone who spent that era without a Playstation, these games were my only window into some of these franchises. Crash Bandicoot is a 2D sidescroller first and a 3D platformer second to me. Spyro was a mid isometric collectethon to me for the longest time. Rayman was also a sidescroller...which isn’t weird at all given the history of that brand. I loved these games dearly growing up, but I had the misfortune of not even knowing Klonoa existed, so I never got to play the portable takes on the series framework.

After playing all 3 Portable Klonoa platformers, I can declare that they have the same vibes as the games I discussed before. While the portable Klonoa games can't interact with the foreground and background, they are more or less the same gameplay wise as the console games. The rest of its peers try to be similar to the games they are based off of, but are noticeably reeled back. Here, not much is lost in the translation, so not much is lost quality wise. Because the same philosophies of Klonoa 1 and 2 can be taken full advantage of, the three portable Klonoa Platformers end up being at the top of this sub genre.

Klonoa: Moonlight Museum is surprisingly great. I think dig it more than the first Klonoa game. It's less of a straight forward platformer you try to master and more of a puzzle platformer that uses Klonoa gameplay. The actual platforming aspect isn't that impressive, but these puzzles get pretty big brained eventually. The stages take advantage of the Wonder Swan’s screen and uses it to give levels verticality which allows for more space for the puzzles to stretch out. The levels start to feel like Zelda dungeons after a while, where you are required to have an intimate understanding of the stage’s structure. None of them are as complex as some of the better dungeons per say, but they are, at their worst, Breath of the Wild tier. There are no bosses and the story is told in a rather bland way so it is not as impactful or complete of an experience as the first game. But it's a more stimulating product moment to moment. You really have to get the hang the elements introduced in each world and how they interact with Klonoa’s abilities. It’s more thought out. It’s also somehow more considerate. I love how enemies don't just respawn without warning and how bomb enemies have a countdown. These are good quality of life additions that I didn't expect from a Wonder Swan game. All it really needs is a map and it's basically perfect in terms of delivering its content painlessly.

Klonoa: Empire of Dreams is incredibly consistent. I think the puzzles are a bit harder in the other two, but Empire of Dreams makes up for it by introducing more mechanics to interact with, having color to make out objects and enemies easier, and breaking up the puzzles with action stages. Moonlight Museum was 100% just levels with puzzles you can solve at your own pace. Empire changes the composition to allow auto scrolling levels to test your platforming abilities, Snowboard levels to test your reflexes, and Boss fights to cap off each distinct world. The levels are also designed in a way where it's not as easy to get lost. It's mostly a semi linear puzzle gauntlet aside from a psuedo Zelda dungeon where things are all over the place. It loops you around way better and cuts down on back tracking significantly. There’s not much else to say about this game other that. It’s good the whole way through with no baggage attached.

Klonoa 2: Dream Champ Tournament sure has...ideas. The look around feature is welcome for sure. The edgy rival is pretty cool. Tournament arc story and level structure is novel. These are all good ideas, but only a fraction of the ideas present in Dream Champ Tournament. Having a ranking system that requires perfection is an idea. Having the surfing mini game be more similar to a Crash Bandicoot Boulder Level is an idea. Having the boss fights be timed levels is an idea. These aren't good ideas, but they are there. I don't think the good additions outweigh the bad ones, but I appreciate how much they tried for a game that, honestly, would be objectively better if the did the same thing the previous GBA title did. Also these puzzles are nightmares. They are true specters of the night. This might be the hardest puzzle game I've played in a while, sans the later levels in Mario’s Super Picross. But these puzzles aren’t hard because they are poorly crafted, I’m just stupid. And that’s why this game has my undying respect. While it may be my least favorite Klonoa Platformer, I will always feel mentally inadequate to it. And I value that a lot for some reason.

Overall, Empire of Dreams is the best one, but all three of these games are great and have cemented my identity as a Klonoa Shill.

[sparklingdreams444]

What If I’m Incapable Of Falling In Love Again

Kendra Syrdal

If you didn’t know better, you’d think I never slept.

I am always one foot out the door right after we finish. I am always pulling my shirt on, tossing my hair up, and thinking, “I will worry about that later” in regards to getting home right after we fuck. I laughed out loud at that scene in Trainwreck where Amy Schumer boldly walk of shame on a ferry but internally cringed because I’ve been there. Literally. I’ve been the girl in the last night cats eye and swollen “Please kiss away the pain” lips wishing she still smoked on the deck of the water taxi.

Because I’d rather freeze on the 30 minute ride back to the city with no jacket than dare to snuggle up next to someone overnight and humanize them.

If you didn’t know better, you’d think I have never been infatuated.

I am always rolling my eyes about The Notebook, claiming that Noah and Amy (was her name Amy too?) should have taken more time apart because then maybe no one would have had to waste their time building some stupid house. I am the girl that everyone warned you about. The one who “functions like a guy” who “doesn’t get attached” and will inevitably “break you heart without even meaning to.” I don’t understand people who can say the L word without mapping it out, without mulling over it for weeks, months, even years.

Because I would rather swallow my tongue whole than say something before thinking about how it may be heard.

If you didn’t know better you would think I wanted to be single.

I am content doing my own thing, being my own person. I do not get jealous of girls with boyfriends or find the idea of ANOTHER wedding invite tedious. I’m fiercely and unapologetically independent. I do what I want, when I want, and I only worry about the consequences when and if I need to. I love being responsible for me and only me. I don’t think about what someone else is doing and why they are not involved in my life and that’s okay.

Because I’d rather be sleeping alone than be responsible for someone else.

If you didn’t know any better, you’d think I was emotionally dead inside.

And you know what? I don’t know better and I think you might be right.

I use people. I march to the best of my own drum and do not worry about feelings because I’d rather they not exist. It is easier for me to just get exactly what I want from people and then drop them because if I keep them around, I will break when they drop me. So I keep them as far. Away as possible and pretend like I don’t give a shit if they text me back because obviously, I do not care.

But really, I want to care. I want to be the person that they think about before they drift off to sleep at 1:30am. I want my phone to light up with notifications that will in turn make me smile. I want to want to spend the night, to graze my fingers affectionately across someone’s back, to be the girl who is open And lived without abandon, but instead of I’m the girl who is leaving without so much as a goodbye.

I want to care; I just have stopped for so long that the feeling is now too foreign. It bites at me like when you can’t remember the name of an actress being interviewed on E!. It sits at the back of my teeth and in the pit of my stomach like when you want to follow up the inevitable, “We need to talk” but do not know where to start. I want to verbalize what I’m feeling, but instead I’m apologizing for overstaying my welcome even though I have been invited in to make myself at home.

If you didn’t know any better, you would think I gave zero fucks, but really I just do not want to be the one giving too many.

I say that I’m e optionally damaged. I joke that the part of my brain that releases oxytocin has gone on a permanent sabbatical. I nod along when people tote the, “you just haven’t met the right person” banner while I silently disagree.

Because I’d probably even right into the right person.

If you didn’t know better, you’d say that I run away from love.

And you’re right; I’m just hoping that one day someone will chase me.