#it's not something that you want to do with any kind of structured garment

[crooked-wasteland]

How would you rank every HB episode from worst to best?

This took me some time to think on, but thank you for the ask.

So all the Helluva Boss episodes ranked worst to best (in my opinion):

The Circus

I have to place the season 2 premiere as the worst episode of the entire series, simply because it cemented the direction the story was going to go with all of the worst ideas floating to the top. The relationship mystery between Stolas and Blitz gets watered down to a childhood crush based on nothing. It is love at first sight, but then the writing performs gymnastics in order to justify Stolas’ attraction after the fact. It’s so painful in Seeing Stars and Oops how the writers really want us to believe that Stolas liked him as a person first and that is supposed to be shown in how Stolas thinks Blitz is funny when no one else does, but the series of events in the Circus will forever undermine that narrative. He finds Blitz funny because he is attracted to him. Not the other way around.

Aside from the issues with the overarching story, the entire structure of the episode fails. The idea of Chekhov’s Gun is one I believe holds merit as a fundamental tool. If you are going to introduce something like theft, acknowledge the danger of the event, repeatedly draw attention to the theft, and then just never mention any sort of natural conclusion to that plot point. If anything, Blitz returning to Stolas’ home 25 years later to do the exact same thing, necessitated a coming full circle moment of that particular plot point. The failure to identify even the most basic of narrative principles that was a solid through line of character, story and themes told me everything I needed to know about how the series was going to be handled.

Stolas’ song is a poorly-performed nonsensical word salad that I found lacked any cohesion to the character in the previous episode or the next. It’s an ugly song with maybe 2 decent verses where Stolas acknowledges that this was all playing pretend, but that eventually goes nowhere.

Additionally, Stella was officially ruined as a character, which ultimately ruined Stolas as a character. By not giving Stella depth, Stolas was also stripped of any depth or complexity. His reason for staying is dumbed down to “for the child”, and Stella’s motivation is thrown out the window in favor of “she’s awful and please don’t try to make her understandable, because then what if Stolas is held accountable for anything?” Stella is too important a character in Stolas’ story, to make her one dimensional is to make Stolas less interesting. Everything is interwoven in a story, pulling a thread in one place unravels the garment elsewhere.

In a single episode, it encompasses everything that is wrong with the series, past and future.

0/10

Seeing Stars

To be honest, I feel Seeing Stars is most people’s worst episode due to some sense of denial when the season premiered and expected the show to at least continue with some kind of coherent story/timeline. I don’t think it would be as hated if Medrano had tightened up the narrative and made Seeing Stars connect to Ozzie’s more.

However, I would still put it at number 2, even if it had. Mainly because Seeing Stars is the worst sense of characterization and dynamics I have ever seen. And when you are trying to sell a character-driven story, some kind of consistency is required. This episode cemented Loona as being an abusive, manipulative, and entitled “bitch” of a person. Octavia is written like she is 13, not 17. Blitz and Stolas have the darkest timeline where Stolas continues to sexualize Blitz after being told off in the last episode and seemingly acknowledging that he defined the dynamic without any input from Blitz. Then forces him on stage despite Blitz being on the verge of a panic attack. But most of all, it has Stolas and Blitz both completely forget why they are even in this situation, because they are supposed to be looking for Octavia.

There was no lesson Blitz needed to learn, if anything he needed to be instilled with more self esteem where possible. And Stolas already had this story arc done much better in Loo Loo Land. His character actively regresses to redo the exact plot thread, but worse. Much like The Circus, Seeing Stars set the stage for what we could look forward to in regards to the series from here on out, and the utter disrespect leveled at the original 6 episodes.

That’s not even counting how the episode is the exact same plot and story beats as Loo Loo Land, highlighting the extent of how creatively bankrupt the series is.

.5/10

Exes and Ohs

If it comes to personal most hated episode, it would be Exes and Ohs for me. The only reason it is number 3 and not number 1 is because it is a narrative cul-de-sac where the larger story is not affected by it at all.

However, it is still an objectively awful episode. Starting with the premise. The whole plot is a stolen South Park joke. It’s the Steal underpants episode, stretched out into something longer, and not nearly as funny. If you are wholesale ripping off another show, that’s plagiarism. This episode is creatively bankrupt, shouldn’t exist, has no purpose and serves no benefit. People try to argue that it has value due to Moxxie’s backstory, but what does it even serve? Sure, I know it now, but not a single character does. Millie doesn’t even find out. Even moreso, Millie’s entire connection to Chaz goes nowhere and is for nothing. We never know how, when or why she dated Chaz, it's shown she hates him, but she doesn’t even kill him. The whole episode would have ended exactly the same with Crim killing Chaz once he realized the shark demon was lying about having money.

It’s not good when the major complaints of the episode are actually what is saving it from being the worst episode.

2/10

Musical Special

The retconning of this episode, changing who Fizz was as a child to try and justify his uselessness in Oops retroactively is beyond frustrating. There is so much I could go on about in terms of character, but just focusing on this episode.

Mainly, the mildly perturbing extent Medrano goes to hetero-normalize her queer relationships. Every single relationship in the series is stereotypically designed as “Protector” and “Protected”. Stolas, Fizzarolli, and Moxxie are all characters who require constant support and protection from other factors in the plot.

Stolas needed to be protected from Striker. Moxxie needs to be protected from most things in his plots. Season 1 it was the fish monster, Striker, the agents, and finally Ozzie and Fizz. Season 2 we have him needing to be defended from his father and Chaz.

This episode it's all about Fizzarolli and him needing to be defended from his crippling low self-esteem that is only relevant to have him needing to be saved from something. The flashback serves to further retcon Fizz’s personality because a strong and confident performer doesn’t need to be saved from anyone, and in order to have the codependent romance where Fizz needs Ozzie, we need to fundamentally weaken him as a person. It’s a special episode, so the argument that it doesn’t need to exist is rather moot. Regardless, the characters and story are worse off for its addition to the narrative.

2/10

Queen Bee

Another special episode, so the argument of narrative value is once again disregarded. I dislike this episode for how one dimensional every female character is in this story. It highlights all the ongoing issues with misogynistic writing. Loona’s character is a wildly swinging pendulum from being antagonistic towards Blitz to being endeared with little motivation and ultimately being reduced to the caretaker of men. When she and Bee get into an argument, she only deescalates when she sees Tex be uncomfortable. The initial hostility itself is founded on nothing, Loona is immediately resentful of Bee because she’s attractive and people like her, specifically Tex. And her being sweet towards Blitz is entirely based on the fact that her relationship to him makes her look good due to his accomplishment of beating Beelzebub in a drink-off. It doesn’t read sincere, but rather she would look bad if she didn’t take care of him after identifying him as her “dad” when it suited her.

This entire episode works to assassinate Loona’s character and any hope of her being likable and growing. Everything about her motivation is purely selfish and consistently reinforced in big ways, so moving forward it will be very hard to realistically prove she does anything for not her own benefit.

The song was nice for about one minute, then it became unbearably repetitive.

1.5/10

Western Energy

This episode was altered and rewritten, which doesn’t inherently make it bad. It’s just that it was changed due to fans pointing out the glaring plot hole that is why Stella would want to kill Stolas when a divorce would benefit her more. Instead of critically assessing that question and focusing more on world building to create a logical justification for Stella’s actions, the writers shrug their shoulders and just can’t think of anything. It’s a special form of fridge horror as a writer to realize the major plot that was intended to push Blitz and Stolas closer together was so underdeveloped that when at all questioned resulted in the entire plot being unwritten. It’s transparently bad writing, but worse yet is that it is lazy.

This episode is what I use to show an example of how fans inject headcannon and plot into the series that the creators have no interest in spending the energy on. This isn’t James Cameron’s Avatar where there is a massively rich world around a lackluster story that has been crafted with such detail that it feels alive. Helluva Boss, and in extension Hazbin Hotel, have no world building and resort to the most superficial answers to any narrative roadblock at the expense of the characters and understanding their motivations. It shows resentment for not just the audience, but writing as an artform.

3/10

Ozzie's (with season 2 context)

I had to put Ozzie’s on the list twice due to this episode in specific having vastly different reads and reception before and after season 2 premiered. After The Circus, the episode loses all continuity with the original season. Stolas is pining and lovesick over Blitz, he doesn’t actually care about his wife and daughter leaving him. He just wishes more than anything to have his rugged peasant return his affections.

It is a plummet of quality and character in this episode that only comes to fruition with the understanding that Stolas has had an unreciprocated crush for two and a half decades.

With the context of season 2, Stolas doesn’t actually care about his daughter and how his affair, the marriage falling apart, their status, etc. affected her and his family. He only cares about the little boy he got a crush on, who his father rented out like a Lexus and then 25 years later Stolas demanded sex from. Stolas has a complete personality change and isn’t at all who he was the entire series to this point. Everything you thought mattered to him doesn’t, the ways we have come to expect this character to react to things is suddenly entirely different. His expectations are unexplainable and so far out to left field than what we previously established. This is one of the worst written episodes based on the major retconning of a keystone character and no effort being made to connect these changes in the narrative.

This was the warning shot we didn’t know we were given.

1/10

Spring Broken

Spring Broken to Unhappy Campers are the range of utterly ambivalence I have.

The song is poorly incorporated into the episode. Verosika isn’t ever fleshed out. Tex and Loona start off cute, and you can see a starting point of a dynamic between Loona and Blitz and you want her to treat him better while also recognizing that he infantalizes her constantly and doesn’t ever treat her like the adult she is. Could have been really good writing if it went anywhere. This episode establishes Loona abuses Blitz and does so intentionally because it gets her her way. It isn’t malicious, but immature and incredibly cruel, and there is a desire to see her become a better person and grow from this point.

Too bad.

4/10

C.H.E.R.U.B

I know this episode gets a ton of criticism for being a joke/filler episode that goes too long. And that is absolutely correct. However it is still better in that being filler, it is not seeking to be anything more than it is. It is just some dumb fun with a few jokes that come anywhere close to landing. But it doesn’t harm the characters or their stories, unlike the rest of the list up to this point

3/10

Oops

This episode is a hard one to place because I consider the first 7 of this list to be bad episodes. Then 8-12 are those that aren’t good with varying scales of enjoyment on my part. However I think Oops is neither good nor enjoyable. But it has some good story ideas that deserve some credit, regardless of how the writing and pacing consistently tries to undermine them.

The scene of Blitz and Fizzarolli in the alleyway is contrived and feels confused, but it does manage to land some points such as Fizz’s insecurity of being owned by his partner (too bad that goes nowhere and is immediately ignored in favor of Fizz NEEDS Ozzie, so essentially ownership is good actually) and Fizz hanging Blitz’s insecurity and guilt over his head.

The forced engagement, rapid fire pacing, and immediate resolution thoroughly dismantles any good points the episode started to set up. I have to admit the animation is pretty solid, people worked very hard on this for less pay than this quality deserves. But this episode struggles to find a place it belongs on my list because. It almost sees the light only to bury its head in the sand writing-wise.

2/10

Unhappy Campers

Unhappy Campers sits in the same pool with Oops and how it is objectively a terrible episode, but the portions involving Blitz and Barbie are genuinely interesting and I think relatively well done when compared to the rest of the season. Millie has some fun moments herself, though the whole portion of the episode surrounding her and Moxxie could have been cut and it would only serve to elevate the material overall. So even if she is the best part of the worst portion of the story, it still isn’t something I deem worth salvaging.

It would have been an excellent 5 minute episode.

2/10

Murder Family

It’s the first episode. It did well reintroducing the characters from the pilot. It had enough intrigue to see where it would go and how it would expand the world and characters. It. Was genuinely fun and impressive for a YouTube animation, with horror notes and black comedy. There was a sense of character that we could maybe get to know over time and see them struggle and change. It started off very superficial, which was fine.

The blank canvas of what could have been.

5/10

Ozzie's (Before season 2)

Having to remember Ozzie’s premiere after an entire season of thinking we were getting to know the characters, their dynamics, personality, wants, etc. So the personality change in Stolas is given more leeway as LooLooLand set up that he really wished he could find love and his wife and daughter leaving has changed his routine to the point he is in a depression. It even seems Stella took the staff with her in the separation and he’s genuinely all alone.

So him sitting in front of a television asking why nobody will love him makes sense and doesn’t feel out of character when given the room to rationalize and try to piece together the character from past instances. Additionally, him becoming overjoyed at Blitz calling him out is just as easy to rationalize away. I recall watching the episode and interpreting that Stolas was needy, desperate and earnest, not for Blitz, but just in general. And Blitz making himself available to Stolas is why Stolas tries so hard to make this pretend date legitimate. It also explains Blitz’s own utter disinterest in the scenario.

Ironically, looking back, Blitz feels like an Audience insert with how utterly confused and dismissive he is of Stolas’ targeted affection. He sees their relationship like the audience does: one of convenience and mutual benefit. Blitz calling Stolas out is him cashin in on this messed up coercive sex deal they have. Him calling Stolas out and using him for his own gains is only seen as fair in his eyes. And Stolas’ attempts to legitimize the date is a continuation of his own hedonistic selfishness. So when Stolas tries to leave Blitz or otherwise removes himself by covering his face, Blitz’s anger and resentment is valid. Because there’s a lot of confusion taking place at the moment, but Stolas is responsible for all of it and instead runs away.

The exact same escapist behavior that ended up with him in bed with Blitz in the first place.

This is all really compelling drama and without the codependent neediness of the second season, it ties together in what feels like a real season finale for the characters. Everything up to now was a prologue, an introduction of the world, characters and conflicts. Ozzie actually took the characters and faced them off against each other directly. Showing all of their worst traits and building more intrigue to Blitz’s past and his relationships. This was an episode of great potential when it was first released.

7/10

Loo Loo Land

I’ll be honest, the more I think on this episode the more I believe its placement is more out of pettiness than actual quality. While a song that made me invested at the time, You Will Be Okay is a poorly written musical song. Specifically in how it fails to actually build on the themes we were having presented. Because if you really listen to it, the song foreshadows how little Stolas actually cares about Octavia.

The only part of the song that builds character is the one when he speaks of how his marriage is cold and loveless and how “all [his] stories have been told, except for one.” Which one would think that untold story has something to do with Octavia. He’s singing the song for her, to her. He’s presumably alluding to the fact that she’s his only joy in life.

But the very next line is talking about Armageddon. Like the end of everything, the death of the universe, some heavenly judgement. That’s why everyone and their off brand YouTube clone was talking about Stolas dying at some point in the series. Because the song fails to adequately communicate the character and his feelings and how that wraps into the plot. It’s a pretty song to the ears, but fails as a musical.

Additionally, I feel I may still have such a soft spot for this episode in how it often contradicts the current direction the story has attempted to go. Details, dialogue, timeline discrepancies, all of that has continued to hinder the second season in trying to retcon the entire story to this lesser version of itself and Loo Loo land as an episode is just so tightly written that it has become a thorn.

All the portions with Blitz and RoboFizz are great. Great character, great foreshadowing (to nothing unfortunately), great pacing. Those scenes have some legitimately funny jokes. Stolas stole the show it seems, much to the series detriment, but the real stellar parts of the episode were for once the actual main character.

6/10

Truth Seekers

This episode would have been my favorite due to Blitz’s bad trip and the animation involved throughout. However, the fact that the show has entirely dropped the relevant and interesting portions of the episode, overused and abused Stolas’ demon design since this episode, and the animators have since been confirmed to not be paid fairly for the work they do, this gets to be number 2.

Like Loo Loo Land, Truth Seekers is a primary source of contradiction in the new direction the story has gone and a constant reminder of how little work has been put into the narrative. It’s one of the strongest episodes of the series as a whole, but it has been almost entirely retconned.

I have seen some mention of the agents returning to the story and if that does come to pass, this will be hilarious in trying to reconcile what parts of Truth Seekers is canon and what isn’t any longer. And the realization that all the best parts are the ones ending up on the cutting room floor.

7/10

Harvest Moon

Striker was an intimidating figure. Genuinely. There was a real sense of weight to this episode in the animation and visual storytelling. It’s a solid episode for what it is and far and above better than even Truth Seekers because it required Medrano and her staff to actually address the episode and make obvious efforts to retcon it. That is how solid an episode this is.

Stolas is not too creepy and dominating, but nor is he seen as the delicate princess who is always crying over some guy who doesn’t return his feelings. He is fun, and it starts the nudge towards maybe something a bit more amicable on Blitz’s end.

Millie absolutely deserved more time for her character seeing as they were staying with her family and she having an episode of standing by her husband and defending her choices in who she loves would have been far more engaging than Murder Family pt. 2, Moxxie lacks confidence and self esteem forever and always.

The song was so inconsequential. It was a funny segue with Striker basically upstaging Moxxie at every turn, but that doesn’t actually go anywhere when in regards to the plot overall.

And Stella putting a hit on her husband, to his face, was hilarious and would have been so interesting to have seen it played more than a joke. Like Stolas knows she wants to kill him, and he is just vaguely fine with that. Maybe thinking his letting her try to kill him would have her stay and not file for divorce. Have it been this macabre comedic sitcom where she’s always trying to kill him and hates his guts for being a subpar husband, but he takes it as some kind of tit-for-tat and plays along with it. She gets to send assassins after him, he gets to have sex with his rugged assassin imp. It’s a ridiculous level of absurdity that still allows for all the characters to be dimensional.

That got a little away from me there. Basically, this episode was the strongest overall. Animation wise, writing wise, story potential wise. This episode is the most solid Helluva Boss episode.

7.8/10

[squeakadeeks]

I'm on my knees BEGGING for an Austin Powers cosplay from you holy shit you would make it insane!!! Side question: My biggest issue I have with sewing is deciding which fabric I should use for specific projects/pieces. Trying to find an answer on that online is not easy as usually tutorials just say like "With your fabric, do X" without saying which fabric to look for 😭How do you personally choose your fabric when doing your cosplays? Do you have a cheat-sheet of like what to look for?

I'm about to have a micro-lull in projects so who knows! maybe now is the time for Austin Powers.

To tell true, my strategy for choosing fabrics is kind of a goofy one. if you look at everything i've made, you'll notice that I tend to use a lot of the same fabrics repeatedly. Microsuede, mystique spandex, pleather, stretch twill/sateen, stretch denim, and matte satins. I dont have a lot of access to fabric stores anymore where I can go in person choose it based on inspection, so instead I take what I know and work with it! So I tend to either choose projects based on a fabric that I'm familiar with, or I take the design and make it compatible with one I like. for example on Thistle, i'm sure using something like taffeta, dupioni, or velvet wouldve worked for his design, but I chose microsuede because I like it and I leaned into properties it has like a textured appearance and stiffness.

But that being said, even if you help yourself by working with a more limited scope of fabrics, how do you choose between fabric A and fabric B for an application? Typically what influences how a fabric behaves is its weight (ie is this a super light fabric that blows in the breeze, or something heavy like what you might find on a couch), its drape (will this fabric hang straight down or be stiff and fold more like paper), and its finish (is this something shiny and reflective, or matte? does it have a texture, or a totally smooth surface?).

in general if you want something fitted and structured like a crisp jacket, bodice, or a skirt that holds its shape, you tend to want heavier, stiffer fabrics. if you want something to look soft and flowy, then lighter, more draping fabrics are best. (thers also the mechanical issue that if you're working on something big like say a ballgown, if you chose a heavy fabric, you will need to account for the scaling weight. making a short skirt vs a long skirt out of a heavy fabric will have very different outcomes.) it's hard to give specific advice about fabrics in general, since each project has its own specific needs and each project can be made with any variety of fabrics, but will result in different appearances in the overall garment.

BUT i do have a mini word of wisdom, which is if you have a fabric in mind but you're not sure it will work, you can always try looking up like....."matte satin dresses", or "suede jackets" and see if you can find any examples of the fabric you're thinking of being used in the garment you want to make (or in general) to check if it gives the look you want. you can even go backwards and look up like...."prince costume" and try to identify common fabrics that usually come up for that garment style.

[tendertenebrosity]

I was kind of sitting on this one until I had written the preceding scene that explains how we got into this predicament, but that seems unlikely to get written any time soon and this is my out-of-context-drabble series, and I wanted to introduce my new OC, so. Required context, I suppose, is: the forest told its servant to do something he objected to, and bad and naughty quasi-immortal instruments get put in the lake until the forest isn’t angry anymore. Masterpost for these guys is here.

It left me in the lake, under the water, for... honestly, I tried to figure it out later and I never could. Maybe weeks?

When the vines finally loosened around me, I was still too lodged in the mud of the lake to really move much, and it didn’t occur to me to try. So whoever it was had to grab me under both shoulders and heave me upright, into air and light and sound.

My chest had stopped trying to reject the water ages ago; so I hung from the hands that held me and didn’t cough or wheeze. I think my eyes were open; I didn’t blink. Honestly, if it had been me I would have assumed I was a dead body.

I felt like one.

By the time the person had pulled me out onto the bank, I was starting to catch on, to move my limbs and try to hold my head up under my own power. I could hear the person talking, but I didn’t register anything they were saying; fingers, shockingly warm, touched my neck and the side of my face.

They pulled me over onto my front, and I guess my body figured I was going to be alive after all so I might as well try and get the water out. I coughed and spluttered, pushed myself up with my shaking forearms, and dragged in breath after breath of burning air. It probably would have been more efficient to just hang me upside down.

The stranger made encouraging sounds and held me upright. I think they might’ve asked me a couple of questions; I was too out of it to respond.

I couldn’t see. I could only barely feel my arms and legs. The person moved around me in a blur of colour, only easy to pick out because they were wearing a garment that was bright red.

After a little while, they picked me up bodily and carried me away from the mud of the bank, and I was pathetically, exhaustedly grateful.

Time slipped away from me again, until the person in red said something as they were propping me up somewhere, in a sitting position. It was warmer here; the sensation of air against my dry skin was disorienting and unfamiliar. I scraped together enough of my mind to register words. “… you hear me?”

“Yhs,” I managed to mumble.

“That’s really good.” Their voice was deep, with an unfamiliar accent. “Stay with me.”

Something heavy and soft was wrapped around my shoulders; the material was coarse against the bare skin of my forearms and my neck.

Red moved in my field of vision again. “Here you go. This will help.”

I took the thing they pushed into my hands without really understanding what it was; they wrapped my fingers around it with theirs before letting go.

It was a cup, earthenware glazed red and orange in patterns, and warm. The smell hit me in the next moment like something tangible; some sort of stock or broth, savoury and hot. I was suddenly much more awake.

“Go slow,” the person said.

I nodded, wordless, and sipped the broth. It was the best thing I had ever had. I didn’t recognise anything specific, herbs or whatever, but… oh. I could feel the warmth spread through my chest and belly. How long had it been since I’d had anything hot to drink or eat? How since I’d had anything at all, actually?

As I sipped, slowly, I started to come back to myself. Or out of myself, possibly.  The blanket I was wrapped in was woven in patterns, too; I spent a little while tracing them with my eyes as I struggled to focus.

I managed to look up from the cup and my own lap, in little pieces. There was a fire in front of me, leaping orange-red and radiating heat against my face and arms. A metal frame sat over it, with a round metal pot. The structure that was looming to the right was a low tent made of leather.

I curled my toes, cautiously rolled my shoulders and flexed my fingers. I was dully surprised that nothing hurt. Outside the circle of firelight, night was falling, the soft calls of animals ringing through the early darkness that fell underneath the roof of the canopy.

Underneath the wool blanket that was wrapped around my shoulders, I had another lying over my lap and legs; under that I suspected I was still barefoot and in the ragged shirt I’d gone into the water in. I could feel the layer of mud drying against my skin.

The person in red got up to tend the fire, pulling the pot towards them with a hook to check on it.

Of course. The fire. My mind was clearing enough for me to be alarmed.

“Hey,” I croaked. “Be… be careful with fires, here. You have to… the wood, it isn’t…”

The stranger looked up at me, and smiled, and I got my first good look. A man, maybe a little less than thirty, with amber skin and thick, straight black hair pulled away from his face. His eyes were black and the corners crinkled with the smile.

“It’s all right, we have permission for fires,” he said. “Thanks for the warning, though. How are you doing over there?”

“I - mm.” I looked down into the cup. My hands were shaking where they were wrapped around it. “Permission? You have - who from?”

“The forest,” he said.

I shuddered and nearly dropped the cup of broth. “What - How? You kn-know about the… Did it speak to you?”

“No, not to me,” he said. “Gods don’t really like to speak to humans that aren’t their devotees; I understand it’s a bit difficult for them.”

“I - okay - but -”

“It spoke to the Raven, though. They’re still talking now. I -” He sat back on his heels, and lifted a hand to his head, raking his fingers through the hair at his temple. The red coat was woollen, reached his knees and was crossed by a wide leather belt. He looked apologetic. “I’m sorry, that’s a lot of information. Isn’t it?”

“No - yes, no, how do… How do you…” I stabilised the cup against my knee, swallowed against the knot in my throat. How do you know about all of this? How did you find me? Did the forest give you permission to interfere with me, too?

“Well, let’s just step back a bit, then,” he said gently. “Can I ask for a name for you? Is that all right?”

“I...” I hunched my shoulders under the blanket, suddenly overwhelmed. “Ciaran,” I said, all at once, as if I thought somebody was going to stop me. Maybe the forest. I don’t know. “I’m Ciaran. My name’s Ciaran.”

He smiled, and those eyes crinkled again. “It’s good to meet you, Ciaran.” He laid a hand on his chest. “I’m Tamur. I’m the junior priest of a god called the Raven.”

Another god? That raised almost as many questions as it answered.

“Tamur,” I repeated, thickly. I took a deep breath, let it out. Water crackled somewhere inside; oh, ugh, did he know about that? About my lack of a heart? He had to. What was he going to think? “Okay.”

“We’re just passing through,” Tamur said. “The Raven and I, I mean. It didn’t know the forest god was still here, but since it is they got to talking, and we learned about you.”

Wait, when he said ‘devotee’, did he mean he was like me?

Or, well. Probably not that much like me. My hands were shaking again.

Tamur got to his feet and started to circle around the fire towards me.

“How are you feeling, Ciaran?” he asked. He looked worried. “Are you - ”

I managed to put the cup down in front of me without spilling any of it, before I lost it. I covered my face with my hands and absolutely hated the keening noise that came out of my mouth.

“Oh,” I heard, and Tamur sounded genuinely distressed. “I’m sorry, Ciaran, did I - is there anything I can…”

He was being so nice. That was what undid me. The hot broth, the blanket around my shoulders that was heavy and warm, having someone human in front of me to talk to and to call me by name - all of that, yes, but he spoke so gently.

The last - weeks? Months? I didn’t even know how long it was before I’d spent that time under the water - had been such a parade of horrors. My body didn’t feel like mine anymore. Things crawled and trickled inside of my ribs, and the joints of my limbs felt fresh and tender like healing scars, and the spaces inside my mind were huge and cold, reeling and echoing with disbelief and disgust.

And now I sat here, with what was probably somebody’s favourite blanket over my filthy mud-encrusted legs, and that somebody looked at me with worried eyes and talked to me like I was something precious and fragile.

I tried to smother the ugly noises, in a way I hadn’t when it was just me and the forest. Who cared what the forest thought, but the first person to touch my hands and face in fucking months was going to see what an absolute mangled wreckage I was, and I cared about that.

I felt a cautious touch on my shoulder, just an instant before it moved away. The red blur I could see between my cracked fingers seemed to indicate that Tamur was kneeling in front of me, his hand out over my shoulder like he wanted to touch it again.

“It’s all right,” he was saying. “Oh, Ciaran, I’m sorry. I should have expected. Just breathe. It’s all right.”

I couldn’t get enough breath to say that I wouldn’t have minded if he touched my shoulder - and anyway how do you say that?

It was easy, though, to let myself pitch forward, blanket and all, so that my head smacked awkwardly into his shoulder and I had to catch myself with one hand on his leg.

If Tamur was surprised, he recovered quickly; he wrapped his arms around my shoulders as easily as if he’d been raised beside me with my cousins and my brother. The red coat smelled like smoke and some sort of sharp herb and underneath that, human. I breathed it in as I cried.

Tamur’s hand smoothed the blanket over my back, a slow pressure from between my shoulderblades down over my ribs. Up and down in a soothing rhythm. “I know. I’m so sorry. It’s all right. Shhhh. You’re going to be all right. ”

I wasn’t. There had been no possibility of me being ‘all right’ for weeks. But he squeezed my shoulders like he believed it, and maybe I could too if I just sat here long enough.

[beyondthisdarkhouse]

So is there, like, a limit to what *kind* of stitches you can take out with a seam ripper? When I try to mend something, usually one of two things happens--either I try to yank a big snarl through the fabric, tear it, and have a new place to fix, which I usually do by just sewing the edges of the hole *to* the snarl since it's already there; OR if I'm being especially painstaking I will manage to catch the huge snarls *before* pulling them through, and then I pass the next few stitches through the snarl to hold it together and down and keep all the loops from unraveling. In either case, while I can usually manage to keep the outside of the garment looking reasonably clean the inside doesn't so much have seams as it has keloids--basically a big running knot of stitches looped back on each other, that I just keep doubling back on and stabbing until the needle won't go through it anymore because that's the only way I know to secure it.

Am I just stuck with them? Or if I ever learned to sew properly, would I be able to unpick those mends and redo them? (Or, more likely, get an actual seamstress to redo them?)

(If it matters--most of the garments I've tried to mend by actually sewing are jersey knit; woven fabrics I usually just use those iron-on patches on the inside.)

Oh boy JERSEY. It's a lovely spoilt brat devil of a fabric. I love it so but it's very prone to problems. I myself have absolutely done the overlapping row-on-row of raddled fabric bunched into a seam. I'm going to go backwards, starting with the assumption that holes will happen, before talking about unpicking methods that might prevent the formation of holes to begin with.

Because I mean, sometimes it is all such a pain in the ass that I just sew a new seam further into the fabric and cut the old seam off with scissors, if that won't mess up the thing I'm repairing. Alas, it often will mess it up, and then getting fancy is required.

The simplest answer is to get a stretchy fusible interfacing that will work like an iron-on patch. Your search terms here are "knit fusible interfacing" and "weft fusible interfacing"; you can buy it off the bolt at fabric stores. I use it when my t-shirts get random little holes in the fabric and I want to prevent them from getting any larger--I just cut a little circle of interfacing and iron it onto the back of the fabric. You could cut pieces big enough to cover your keloid areas, iron them down, and then sew through the interfacing with more confidence.

It is possible to darn knit garments, using thread to catch the loops that have been dropped and create a bridge of new stitches that hold it all together. People absolutely do darn T-shirts and fine fabrics like jersey; I personally only do it for knitted items that are extremely precious to me and have large yarn and a big gauge, because I find it a pain in the ass. There's traditional darning where you catch the loops at the perimeter of the hole, then create a woven web of threads over the gap, and Swiss darning, where you duplicate the knitted structure.

A lot of the problems with knit fabric originate with the needles used to sew them. Ordinary sharp needles have the unfortunate habit of piercing and breaking the threads of the fabric they're sewing, and those broken threads can begin to unravel and create holes. If the thing you're unpicking was originally sewn with sharp needles, you might be SOL and have to accept the holes as inevitable. Avoiding this problem requires ball point needles, whose tips have been carefully blunted so they merely push threads aside as they move through fabric. This is way more likely to be a problem with sewing machines, since they punch down with more force than handsewists generally use to push the needle through the fabric, but, you might benefit by doing your hand-mending with ballpoints.

So, with unpicking, one major secret is serger or overlock stitches. These are made by machines that use three or four threads all at once to completely encase the seam in thread. They're used a lot in modern sewing because they're quick, easy, and make garments machine-washable. Hoowever, if you want to unpick the seam, you might find yourself thinking, "Where do I start?"

There is a secret to it. Here's a tutorial on the process, and here's another. Once you know which threads to focus on, the whole process gets much easier.

Which finally brings us around to unpicking seams, full stop.

The biggest problem with unpicking seams in knit fabrics is the extreme likelihood that you will not just catch the thread of the seam, but the thread of the fabric itself. In that case, your best bet is actually to turn the item out to its "good" or "right" side, pull the seam gently apart until the stitches are visible, and carefully pick them out from there. Here's a tutorial. This works with seams made by serger, sewing machine, or by hand. You just have to be wary of cutting the fabric itself when you're coming in to cut the stitch.

Whew! I don't know about you, but now I don't feel like sewing again for a week. (Lies. I will sew again after lunch.) This is as much as I think is useful. If you have more specific questions, I think I'd need to see photographs of the thing to give any more helpful answers.

[h4rr0wh4rk]

Harrow Cosplay Planning 2: The Hard Part

Friends, the harder yet more fun aspect of this cosplay is designing my version of Harrow's necromancer robes. While one could look at the series as sci-fi and have a lot of fun trying to design something more sleek and futuristic, like Harrow's canonical cover outfit, I have a deep love for historical costuming and overly ornate bullshit of all sorts, and as such will be leaning heavily into anachronism for the Reverend Daughter of Drearburh's more officious garments.

The line from chapter 7 about Harrow's disembarking outfit reads,

"Harrowhark did not care for any herald. She had drifted out like a black ship in sail, a bony figure wreathed in layers and layers of night-coloured cloth with a lace overcloak trailing behind her; adorned with bones, painted like a dead woman, eyes blindfolded with black net."

"Layers and layers" and "ship in sail" are the first things that give me ideas. When I think of the silhouette of a "ship in sail" I think long not wide. Now, maybe most of the train comes from that lace overcloak, but I think we would have more fun if the main gown itself had some volume in the skirt. I want to avoid any horizontally boned skirt supports, (so no drum farthingales, panniers, or crinoline cages) in order to maintain that long not wide effect. Initially, I thought about basing the main gown on a houppelande, specifically the one pictured here:

Rogier van der Weydan, c. 1443-1445

But as I thought about the practicalities of cloth usage in the ninth and this line Harrow has in chapter 6 of HtN, where she notices Jod's all-black attire, "he was dressed simply, as per usual, in a black shirt and trousers. The lack of tint had always pleased you. It was very Ninth, even the collar and the cuffs of his shirt that were scruffy and pilled from too much wearing," it became clearer to me that the houppelande was too wasteful in its fabric use. That fits more with one of the Tridentarii's diaphanous dresses than Harrow. So I looked instead to a much less wasteful garment, the kirtle:

Dieric Bouts, ca. 1455

Specifically, one that has the opening on the side like this example.

Daisy Viktoria Medieval Dress Pattern

But with more of this shape when standing. I like the continuous cut of the front pieces of the bodice and skirt, and we can add volume and length at the rear gore without adding bulk or extra fabric to the front or side gores.

I want to do a side button (because they actually have buttons! Woo not the 13th century!) opening to try and do something stupid. Given Harrow's propensity for turtlenecks, I want to try and add a side buttoning high neck collar, though whether that gets added to the kirtle or lace overcloak is anybody's guess right now. But if it does end up on the kirtle, getting into the gown will probably be easier if all the openings are on the same line.

To create the "layers and layers," the black kirtle will get a black shift and petticoat, an apron, a shawl, maybe a separate collar garment, kind of like a structured fichu, and the lace overcloak, which will objectively be the hardest thing to source. I'm not adding a surcoat because this is my design and I don't feel like it, it doesn't fit my goth 13th-century rococo vibe.

Speaking of rococo, I am tossing around the idea of adding robe-a-la-francaise-style box pleats to the gown to help support the length idea, but that might be too much.

The veil is a tad confusing. The way it's described in the quote above, as Harrow's "eyes blindfolded with black net," implies it may be more of a fascinator or even a true blindfold, but earlier in that same chapter, Gideon describes how, “The expression on the other girl’s face wasn’t disinterest or distraction, as she’d assumed; even through a layer of veiling, she could tell that Harrow was near-incapacitated with concentration,” making it seem like the veil is over her whole face. Out of a deep love of overdramatics, I'm taking the executive decision it's a full-face veil.

The veil I'm taking from Victorian mourning veils. I know it describes it as "net" in the quote, but in HtN, the Lyctor Hood is contrasted with it as such, "your new hood, unlike good Ninth House furze, was transparent enough to let you see quite clearly". I did some googling, and today it seems like "furze" is just a plant otherwise known as gorse, not a type of cloth or veil. However, if Harrow's veil were simply netting, she would be able to see out of it easily. I think this is a case where Gideon's unreliable narration and inattention to detail is kicking in. As such, I feel justified in using a more densely woven fabric for the veil itself.

The Met, Mourning Veil, 1900-1920

While this is technically probably Edwardian, the crepey silk used was common throughout the Victorian era.

I also like this type of headband I keep seeing fan artists (I will try to find sources and links in the coming days) put Harrow in to anchor the veil, so I would make a version that is not 50 dollars and is probably smaller.

ZiptieJewelry

The shoes would just be the shoes I get for the other version of this cosplay.

Adding all of the bone beading to the gown will be a bridge I burn when I get to it, it's going to be rough rough rough. I have no idea what I want to do in terms of rococoing this up, so expect at least a part 4 of the HCP series about that, (3 will be grease paint research) even if HCC (Harrow Cosplay Constructing) begins in the meantime.

If you made it all the way down here, thank you for reading all of that I am excited to work hard on it and show you what I come up with, and if you didn't:

TL;DR Gonna make a black kirtle for the necromancer robes and add some accessories

[jamiethebeeart]

A different kind of post from me!

Asking for ✨help✨

So *long story short I created a cosplay design for Oboro/Kurogiri? And I kind of settled on a design I like, but something still feels.... not right. So on the off chance one of my followers has design know how and is willing to chime in.... uuh please feel free to weigh in.

*a con I'm going to announced Elements as their gala theme and my friend suggested an Oboro/Kurogiri mash up and I dove head first into the idea. whoopsies. I did solidify fabric choices but looking at the cost of all dress materials in addition to Ms. Joke's stuff I decided to leave this as a cosplan for the future (maybe a masquerade entry???? I think it'd be lit... literally lmao - I want the lightening to be lights under organza. but since it won't have to fit into an elements theme I might nix that part or change it?)

Version 1 relies on tulle to create a kind of shadow-y gradient up the torso. I didn't actually figure out what under the capelet would look like - it's the most unfinished design of all. Version 2 played around with the corset idea, but I still wasn't pleased with it - it cut off too much visually, but at least I thought through the shirt portion?

(you might be asking yourself what's up with the white. well... yea. I like body paint more than straight foundation and I think the starkness lends itself more to the established nomu-ification more than trying to make the top portion more like Oboro's canon design. Honestly liable to change. Idk how to incorporate Oboro's nose plaster/bandaid on the white face as it is visually one of the markers of the character. But also I love contrast. oooooh contrast my love)

Version 3 tried to make the top section/corset more like Oboro's hero costume, and then adding in elements of Kurogiri's vest with the "buttons" but it was clunky trying to fit in Kurogiri's uuuh.. neck... brace... thing.... and I didn't like the silhouette enough to figure it out. lmao. BUT I figured out how to do the skirt portion! (The black dress is just there as a visual reminder of what the arm section is trying to go for. I just got lucky finding a picture that fit well enough to what I'd already come up with.) SO the bottommost base will be a circle skirt of sorts to lay down a base over the hoop skirt. Then the next layer of fabric on top will be like the 3rd reference picture down - I liked the poofy/cloud like texture, but I still wanted the smokiness of Kurogiri to be present in the skirt so I was thinking adding layers like you see in the 4th picture on top of the poofy cloud structure. Which is.... a lot considering I've never attempted a formal dress before. And all of that will be textured diagonally down the skirt to give a sense of swirling movement hopefully reminiscent of Kurogiri's portals. Inbetween the cloud texture and smoky texture is where I was planning on applying the lights. (The smoky gradient texturing would be layered organza which should be shear enough even with layering to allow the light to shine through.)

Version 4!!! So many variants of version 4! I solidified what I wanted the torso to look like! Which is a cross of a stay and a corset. I've yet to find any examples of real garments that match my design but I want a front lacing corset that has that blue stomacher. The shirt borrows from version 2 except this version is like a wrap shirt so instead of applying the blue ribbon (satin? I'll figure it out later exactly what I want from it) over a completed shirt I make things more difficult for myself by making a wrap shirt whose edge is lined with the darker blue. How will I make this stay in place and be comfortable under a corset? idk.

(Also - the shirt is going to be so much gradient dying.... because I have to add in things I don't have a lot of experience in.... I love throwing myself into the deep end haha... The black will probably be an applique? Or if the fabric won't hold up to the weight I might just "paint" on black dye for the corruption effect.)

I played around with different hair covering to bring in the orange cloud logo Oboro has on his jacket. I'm not sold on the jacket design, so I wanted to figure out how to incorporate the cloud motif and jacket colors another way. (Also on purpose to primarily focus that on the most Oboro part of this design.) At the time of compiling this post I might try out an actual (short) cape? So as to keep the frontal view as is but still add some interest to the back view? Also I'm imagining twirling with a cape on stage.... It'd look so cool.

I also tried out a hair down style instead of the bun with a few curls/waves released. I was leaning towards hair down would have the different hats/bonnets/hair accessories. And then hair up would be balanced with the capelet.

Also I might just be overthinking the hair lmao. A cute cloud clip in the hair would also work perfectly fine. (Also as mentioned I love contrast and that includes blue/orange my complementary color love)

Idk why I have pictures here with capelet and hair coverings but I do.

Anywho! This last picture is the one I've settled on.

Additional notes about the design: The white body base with shadows creeping up is actually a shirt. Because body painting myself and creating a mess on my body and clothes sounds like an actual nightmare. So it'd be more like white long sleeved shirt, basically the equivalent of a blue shift for the hero shirt with ... idk what those sleeves would be called where they're like gathered with a sewn in string or elastic? The sleeves would end in.... organza? tulle? for the kind of shadowy effect over the hands. (It's hard to see but the bulk of it over the hand would blend with the black fingerless gloves and then the bottomost layer would be purple to give that halo-y effect that Kurogiri's hands have. (Where his body smokes out you see the purple color on the edges - ya know that whole thing?) It'd have removable fingerless gloves taken directly from Oboro's hero design, but also so that I can visually continue the sleeves and still remove them as needed. The orange floating clouds are actually like a veil? The clouds would be embroidered on blue tulle (?) so it's hard to see but still be able to be embroidered on and pinned into the wig. I didn't draw in my eyes because... I was lazy lmao but I don't wear contacts... I suppose for this I'd have to either take off my glasses or finally get some. But I do think coloring in my entire eyelid with yellow so that with my eyes closed it all looks uniform across is the way to go.... Or maybe have one eye be normal and the other smoky? Oh, and then I could have a corner of my face that isn't white. I'm not sold on the corset/stay design. I think in order to have it properly supporting things I have to increase the length of it down so it settles over my hips to displace the weight instead of ending right above them... From what I gather that should increase comfortability, but it also makes it tricker to visually get the angles on the sides to translate right. Honestly I don't even know how well a more form fitting corset and a stomach will interact for support? I might just have to make it more like a proper stay with a flatter profile for it to physically work. I've got no idea on shoes though. (Men's) Dress shoes would be a fun nod to Kurogiri's formal outfit but also sneakers are so much nicer to move in... Oh! The bit around the eyes is supposed to be like smoky/cloudy makeup. Tumblr will probably trash the quality so it'll be hard to tell.

I have considered making this in a style that properly pulls from one time period but I've yet to find a historical period of fashion that encapsulates what I'm trying to achieve. Until then it remains a mish mash of fashion ideas.

[cryptidclaw]

hi !! i absolutely adore your rewriting concepts and i was wondering something since i want to try making a warriors-based story of my own--where did you get your information to determine what you should change from warriors canon? i know theres a lot of anti-indigenous writing styles in og warriors and i definitely want to avoid any of that but so far ive only been able to find one info doc about that kind of thing. i'm mainly asking about naming systems right now though so i guess do you have any advice/resources on how to approach the naming systems in warriors (like the prefix/suffix pattern, the -star thing, etc.)?

thank you so much for sharing your work btw, its super inspiring and fun to read!!! forgive me if this is a big ask x'D

Ok, its been a WHILE since I looked into this so I dont really have any links to any info posts, tho u may find some info if u just google! However here are my takes/how Im doing things in RoC!

I changed it from "Clans" to "Orders", I can definitely see the argument that Clans isnt super bad since the term it originates from Scotland with the Scottish Clans, but I have seen many people express discomfort with it since it is also used in regards to Native Americans so I decided to change it, I wouldn't hold it against someone if they didn't tho (at least in my opinion)

With warrior cats names, I couldnt bring myself to completely remove the naming system since it is such and important and cool part of warriors, but I did add some lore and rule changes so it is more separate from Native names! I made it so a cats name is their prefix and their suffix is now a Title which is used like an honorific (ex: Dr. Sir. Ms.), I also added more solid rules as to what each title means and I like the idea of the Title Ceremony being more similar to a Knighting!

I have seen people express dislike towards the star suffix, I dont actually have the info on /why/ its appropriation (if anyone has the info on that , that would be great) but I already really liked the idea of Star being before the name so I just went with it!

Overall I try to take any other inspo from cultures I am comfortable taking from, for me that's Britain, Ireland and Scotland since that's who I descend from (also i not think its a problem if I steal from white ppl LOL)! an example of this is how i think if i do start designing the Order's tools, garments, building structures, food, etc I will borrow from those cultures!

If anybody has any info/ ideas/ opinions they want to share abt this topic plz share em!

[youleavethetardisbrakeson]

There’s a clip somewhere on Twitter of a HOTD designer describing the process of creating Rhaenys’ armor. Within that clip, there’s a snippet of Eve saying that she’s been told “it looks amazing, but it’s really uncomfortable.” This further proves my own personal headcanon that Rhaenys rejects any form of corsetry. If you watch back to literally ANY of her scenes, and look closely, you can tell that there is no structural support to her torso (this is made even more apparent in her scene with Rhaenyra in episode two).

And I would hate for this to turn into a whole “fuck the patriarchy” thing that Rhaenys pulls (because apparently corsets represent the oppressiveness of male absolutism… they do not). I just think that Rhaenys forgoing a corset makes sense for her because she’s a feral dragon lady who wants to run around in knee high boots and tunics three and a half sizes too big for her.

It’s like when Maggie Smith was allowed to go without a corset during Downton Abbey because she promised to “sit very straight.”

Apologies for the lengthy message, I thought you would find it interesting considering the several costume analysis posts on your dash. <3

Ooh yes its from the BTS featurette "The House That Dragons Built." And yes the entire concept of women's undergarments on these GoT shows fascinates me to no end.

I should mention that I know there are dozens of forms of bodices, stays, jumps, corsets etc and most of them are actually quite comfortable and not at all the stereotype of the extreme waist cinching 'I can't breathe' ones found in a lot of movies. This is gonna be more of a 'study in shapes' than anything technical lol.

You can certainly see in this picture below that Rhaenys isn't wearing what we traditonally call a 'corset' (ie, something that creates a full-abdomen structured, cinched look with a V silhouette). Her bust is clearly defined/rounded and there's a distinct fold in her stomach. As someone who has experience wearing corsetry, that is NOT what a full 'corset' looks like, nor how you sit in them.

In contrast, look at Rhaenyra's dress from epiosde 8. It's much stiffer and structured in the bust (and yes women would traditonally wear corsetry while pregnant, it was perfectly normal and safe).

Eve Best mentioned in her interview with EW's West of Westeros podcast that she actually had a hand in designing her armor. They had initially designed a neck guard and she asked for it to be removed because she knew she was going to need to move and be flexible up on the dragon. I also assume it's a similar reason why they didn't give her any clunky full-armored sleeves. Her dresses in general also seem to follow this idea: they all have a very simple silhouette with no fussy sleeves or impractical style choices. So yes Rhaenys (and Eve) 100% loveeee comfort and to be able to run around being feral; I fully agree.

And I have wondered if Rhaenys is not wearing a 'corset', then what is she meant to be wearing? Based on my rudimentary knowledge of historical fashion, the medieval period is kinda weird in that we don't actually know what they wore as underwear? The GoT show styles are subsequently all over the place (there's so much reddit discourse on this, so I won't repeat it here). My best guess is that she may be wearing some kind of underbust short stays similar to the those of the Regency era. (And again, historical fashion people please forgive me.)

This kind of garment would provide bust support to create that more rounded look, plus allow mobility of the abdomen. You also traditonally wear a chemise under corsetry (you do NOT want hard boning flush against your skin, it chafes soooo much) so that fabric layer itself would also provide some structure to the bust.

If anyone has a better idea, please let me know!

[thesinglesjukebox]

SELENA GOMEZ - "LOVE ON"

At Selena's bistro, we prefer the steak tartare to the ice cream...

[4.47]

Kayla Beardslee: I’m a defender of Julia Michaels’ right to do deranged shit on pop girl singles. Who else is going to push the lyrical envelope? You know Dua Lipa is far too polished to be caught dead singing about burning toast in the toaster. Selena being a perfectly middle-of-the-road pop artist presents opportunities to try out-of-the-box ideas that wouldn’t fly with performers who have a stronger sense of veto. And that’s how we end up with “Why are we conversing over this steak tartare / When we could be making out in the back of a car?” This isn’t the best incarnation of Julia Michaels writing for other pop girls; Sabrina Carpenter’s “Fast Times” is a better execution of the form, with music so subtle and slinky that it carries along the tongue-twister lyrics with ease. In comparison, “Love On” is generic disco-pop that doesn’t complement the lyrics or draw out a particular kind of attitude from Selena’s vocals. But despite it all, how can I not like a track that rhymes "fallin’" with "garments," and "memoir" with "last stall" with "bazaar"? If Selena’s going to sing about being a rollercoaster ride, then the song needs to deliver on that promise. [7]

Joshua Lu: We've reached the point where we have Selena Gomez songs that rip off Sabrina Carpenter songs that rip off Selena Gomez songs. Is it a snake-eats-tail cycle of pop music or just a consequence of Julia Michaels, with her brand of talking/mumbling over generic plucky beats, still getting booked? Neither interpretation makes this song interesting. [4]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Something about this (the extreme Julia Michaelism? her chopped-up phrasing?) gives off the faint impression that Selena Gomez was not actually involved in any part of the creation of this song, her vocals assembled together from fragmentary archival recordings like she's a reclusive mid-20th century cult musician. A pretty good Sabrina Carpenter song otherwise, though! [4]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: Every sonic and lyrical decision here is so baffling and random that I literally startled chuckling on the train to the point where people started staring at me. French intro? The way her voice chipmunks in the pre-chorus? Rhyming “bar,” “car,” “bizarre,” “memoirs,” and “steak tartare”? In other words, it's a Selena Gomez song.  [5]

Katherine St. Asaph: "Wait till I turn my love on" — just want to clarify, is this before or after you turn your enunciation on? The disco is decent, and the punchlines are sometimes charming — and more importantly I can actually hear them. [6]

TA Inskeep: I wish her voice — and this song, all whipped cream with nothing underneath it — had as much weight as her acting. [5]

Lauren Gilbert: Is Selena even trying anymore? [1]

Taylor Alatorre: We love our outlandishly off-kilter Selena Gomez lyrics, don't we, folks? I mean... don't we? Were turns of phrase like "call me an amenity" and "fraction of my mind" really what made "Bad Liar" such a critics' darling, or was it the delivery and structure in which they were packaged, the way it all came together to sketch an infatuation so irregular that it amounted to a category error? "Love On" puts the cart before the horse in foregrounding the lyrical quirks, leaving most other elements of the song to fend for themselves without a stable concept to latch onto — or, in the case of the "steak tartare" interlude, a competent flow to latch onto. The title phrase is forced to take on two meanings, neither especially compelling, with the mumbled pile-up of syllables on the chorus' last line making it seem like a last-minute afterthought. The best moment comes when the looseness in delivery is properly calibrated to match the exuberance of the subject matter: the barely intelligible rising-pitch whiplash of "'til you can't see straight, just wait, woo!" It carries the pioneering spirit of "Bad Liar" more than any head-scratching line about erotic timestamps. [4]

Will Adams: The freewheeling lyric delivery (which made "Bad Liar" work so well) is appealing, but it's unfortunately squandered for what is now the six millionth "Say So" retread we've seen. I've yet to be convinced that Gomez actually enjoys doing pop music. [5]

Nortey Dowuona: From the precious little I have read and watched about the '80s, it seemed like a miserable time. And I'm so tired of recreations of this style. Isaiah Tejada, try harder next time please, and make another "Must've Been" if this has to be your lane. [0]

Aaron Bergstrom: Basic, low-stakes fun is still fun. This song can't wait to take you to its favorite little "hidden gem" lunch spot in Paris. You show up and immediately realize it's a tourist trap, but you decide to keep that to yourself. It turns out the food is still pretty good, you have one glass of wine too many, and you leave with a smile on your face. [7]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: The sweet and corny things that your partner tells you can be endearing, but it's different when you're trying really hard to make sure every line rhymes. It loses all spontaneity and charm, even some of the honesty. The chorus is the most comforting thing here, repetitive as it is. And that's fine: when you're in love, you can hear the same line day after day and it'll still lift you up. [5]

Ian Mathers: It feels like there are a lot of clunky lines here; the whole "steak tartare" verse makes me think fondly of Bernard Sumner, and how people don't appreciate enough how he makes crap like that sing more often than not (harder than it sounds, clearly!). The verse vocals also sound almost mushmouthed with (I presume) the production and it's not great. Every time the chorus kicks in the song lightens and feels pretty good but... it's not enough. [5]

Alfred Soto: The synth stabs need more support than Selena Gomez's adequate performance can provide. The title sounds like a promise she knows we know she won't keep. [6]

Leah Isobel: This has to be a contractual obligation.  [3]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[daincrediblegg]

2, 9, 11, 12, 22?

2. Do you read/reread your own fics? It really honestly kindof depends on the fandom on this one. Generally speaking when I put some creative thing out there of any kind I am loathe to re-watch or re-read it (with the exception of looking at my own fanart- unless it was especially bad I love looking back at some of my old stuff just for the sheer thrill of seeing how much progress I’ve made) BUtT!!!! There is the exception of when it’s like. I’m either in a fandom in which the character I like gets character assassinated in fics a lot of the time and I need enrichment from outside sources or my own. OR when I’m just in a fandom where people don’t write x reader fics that much for the character and I’m the only one writing them and I have to re-read myself bc that’s the only content out there (current predicament re; everything Jared Harris has been in and it’s a crime that I’ve spent the whole year trying to remedy lmao).

9. Do you write every day? If you wrote today, share a sentence of what you’ve written!

OK SO!!!! This was actually a couple of paragraphs I got down yesterday and it’s some of the more solid stuff I’ve put out in recent months, but I’m very proud of how it turned out:

Sinclair was never particularly fussy when it came to her appearance, which made changing for dinner a fairly brief affair. She had learned from an early age that there was certainly no room for such attentions on a ship, and in fact had great fun in witnessing first-time sea-faring ladies, passengers of course on The Demeter, who tried to keep their appearances in spite of the swell and sway of the high seas. She remembered fondly then, the laugh of Mrs. Rose Anthony. How she’d wished to hear it now and all these months gone past. She would have laughed to see Fitzjames on the deck this morning, with that ridiculous cloak flowing behind him like a peacock with his feathers at half mast. None of the men would see it as she did. Not that she was in too much want of friends among them. But fewer still would understand her sense of humor as Rose had.  Pondering this, Sinclair forewent her shirt and waistcoat- both of which were custom tailored, as it wouldn’t do for the navy to commission such a garment. But her father had, for her sake. One of his many parting gifts. The very same man whose picture Sinclair’s gaze drifted to as she buttoned the deep blue bodice that had also been part of the set he had purchased for her, this one long sleeved to match the deep blue flannel day skirt she kept on, and which had served her so well in the chilly climate. She’d missed too how well he’d been able to do her hair for an occasion like this, where Sinclair now only managed a bun tied fairly neatly to the back of her head (more than she’d dare to manage for her daily duties, she might add), but it suited her all the same for the impression Sir John, and indeed, most of the men had of her. Neat as a pin. Diligent. A fixture of a plain sort of beauty in the corner. Never the center of their attentions, but never quite ignored.

12. Do you have a playlist for your current WIP(s)? Share it!

As I said in the other ask I have like. Just so many. None of them coherent- but THIS ONE has been my instrumental inspiration for a little while so there you have it. Someday I will consolidate all my fave lady terror vibes into a proper playlist... but that is not today...

22. Do you know how your fic will end before you start writing?

I mean… sort of. Like in general I do like to have some kind of sense where something is going before I start it- if it’s anything I’ve learned from commercial failures like GOT and the Star Wars Sequels it’s that poor planning will fucking kill you because actually as it turns out narrative structure is important. But at the same time- I think this was a quote from George R.R. Martin that some writers are “builders” who have everything pre-conceived before they put anything down (in reference to Stephen King), and some are “gardeners” (like George) who let stories just grow as they go. For me personally I’ve never felt too tied to either camp, so I put forth my secret third option being: “chef”. I know what I want the end-product to be. I have a general sense of what it should taste like and how I should cook it-thematically speaking. But things still come up as I go. Sometimes it needs a bit more of one spice than another and I try to listen to those instincts when they tell me to add something to what I’m making. 

11 ANSWERED HERE

[bismuthburnsblue]

OK SO

technically this is currently two vaguely different ideas, and ill probably only make one in the foreseeable future bUT

waistcoat !!! or pinafore !!!!! (technically three options because im unsure if id go tailored waistcoat or an almost corset style one)

my goal in this project would be to fill in some gaps in my wardrobe, so im thinking black (obviously honestly, i only wear black) and quite plain, but maybe with some embroidery or cording or something, something subtle to add some texture and detail, but still fit in with any outfit i might make.

im split which way yet!

ive wanted to make a waistcoat for a while, but i guess im a little worried that i wouldnt wear it so much? i tend to dress very femme and very. like fluffy? flouncy? lace and flare and delicate fabrics and im not sure a waistcoat would fit into that? but i do really want to make one, i think itd be so fun! i think i would learn a lot of techniques even from a simple waistcoat, pockets & tailoring and buttons (for real this time) (OH i could use some of the buttons i rejected for the black coat) i plan to add boning to it either way, but i also this a corset style waistcoat could be real cool! not like the kind of things that come up when you look up corset waistcoat, but like, a lacing back and more structured pattern cutting? this one would require some development to see through but.... fun!!! i also have some scrap fabric (brown) from a skirt ive been wanting to turn into a waistcoat- it wouldnt work for this specific project but depending on which way you spin it, it could be a practice run at this project (already having coat 'wearable mockup' flashbacks) or it could be a downside, having two similar garments in my wardrobe

part of me feels like making a pinafore is kind of a cop out- its a far simpler project, and i have a preeetty similar project in the pipelines (though in a completely different aesthetic- heres the inspo for that one), and a lot of my other ideas are similar to a lolita jsk. but also i want jsk. i want to make some for myself some day sooo... i think id would probably get more wear out of a pinafore- but thats just in my head (i wouldnt have to match blacks). i probably wouldnt be learning much new with this one, but it would be a much quicker project! less likely to get stuck in the middle of it because i run out of motivation. i feel like i havent said much pro pinafore but wearability is Super important to me! i have a terrible habit of picking projects that are fun and interesting and then are not actually something i really wear. sometimes an easy project is really good- i like to try and learn things with every project but sometimes i back myself into a corner with things i dont know.

decisions!!!!! i cant make them :(

as i mentioned earlier, this isnt in the immediate pipeline- i still want to finish all my current projects first, i dont think i have any fabrics that'd work for these and im trying to not buying anything right now, and really i shouuuuld make things ive already planned + bought things for. but i think itd fill in some areas of my wardrobe so i might more it before some other things....

below the cut is some very initial inspo, i ripped it all from pinterest (thats basically how i start any sewing project plan fhdbdn)

if youre interested on the brain tangent it was: (start a little unclear but i was thinking about izzy) > izzys sleeves. me too i love a shirt with puffy sleeves > i could make IZZYS shirt (this one is still on the cards btw) > thinking about my wardrobe in general i guess > i own a lot of white puffy shirts but i dont wear them, i tend to wear black things > what might make me wear them short of dyeing them? i love these shirts but theyre too. white for me. maybe something i can wear over them > waistcoat.... i want a waistcoat.... ( i think its hilarious this tangent that started with izzy + ended with waistcoat never went near izzy's waistcoat )

[sylvaridreams]

🛏️ 🤫 🤵 for auruim!! and the laugh one for literally as many of ur characters as you're willing to do 🥺

Looks deep into your eyes hi....

Does he have a morning routine, and what is it? - his morning routine is whatever the person in charge of him is doing. If he's with Alba, it comes down to Alba's morning routine. If not, it's whoever he defers to in the meantime. So technically no, he personally doesn't have any laid out structure to start his day. But depending on who he's with for any period of time, that structure will be chosen for him. That said he's a heavy sleeper post-reformation, and gets low quality sleep, so it's always a fight to get him up in the mornings.

The silliest secret he has - not 100% secret and maybe a little less than silly. But he needs glasses. In fact, he has glasses. Several backup pairs! He refuses to use them. He doesn't want people to see him wearing them and laugh behind his back. But he's very low vision without them; the eyes are one of the first parts to break down and lose function once you become mordrem. Reformation didn't help either, made it even worse. Part of why he looks so angry and scary all the time is just that he's squinting cause he can't see shit. There are maybe 5 people in his life who can bully him into putting them on to read or look at something, and less than 10 people who he'll let see him in them. otherwise he just refuses or tries to break or hide them.

His definition of dressing nice - he thinks this means suits and tuxedos and stuff. Haughty stuffy wealthy human clothes. He finds them garish and abhorrent and unnecessary, so being told to dress nice is like being told to come looking like a pompous stupid ass. But we should back up. Because Auruim’s definition of "dressed" is also "You can't fully see 100% of my exposed skin." If he's wearing something, any garment, he's dressed. This is why he's running around half naked most of the time; chest out, thighs out, tummy exposed, ass in the breeze. He's come to understand that for some reason OTHER people disagree with his sentiment on what constitutes being dressed. So he also takes great offense to being told that he needs to get dressed, because to him he is already. 🧍 overall the idea of putting on fancy wear is like a punishment. It's too constricting and uncomfortable and he doesn't like how it looks.

What kind of laugh do they have? -

Alba's depends on if he's in a professional or more personal environment. Professional = the quiet chuckle only. It's polite and unobtrusive. Personal settings = polite chuckle, but if he's caught off guard or if he's inebriated in any way he'll laugh out loud <- turns heads when people don't expect him to make that noise.

Auruim isnt the type to laugh much at all. does more of a sneer and an amused noise if somethings funny. Maybe looks away squinting and covers a smile if its REALLY funny. Shockingly doesn't think jokes at someone's expense are funny, even light teasing, because he can't separate saying something gently ribbing from being outright cruel and mean.

Bourbon’s got a deep rich laugh. He also has a polite, fake laugh for when things aren't funny. You can tell the difference immediately because it sounds so forced.

Aeris has a quiet snide chuckle but then also has a big uproarious laugh for when something's really good. Laughs until she squeaks and cries, hits you on the back so hard it hurts for a long time cause she knocked something out of place, doubles over and wheezes, etc. Struggles not to keep going back and laughing at it for a minute but once she's done she's done. Goes stone faced if you try to retell the joke.

[bbq-hawks-wings]

Seeing as you have a corset, may I ask how I might acquire (of decent quality) myself? I wanna get my mom something other than spanx to smooth out her form under her dress.

I unfortunately don't have any one particular good store to send you to. I did buy mine from The Violet Vixen (just give em a Google) like years ago, though I personally question the ethics around certain kinds of fashion brands that I don't know if this one counts so that's my disclaimer and I leave that to individual judgment.

I can however direct you a bit into what goes into a quality corset.

My first recommendation is always going to be to try one on in person and be fitted by somebody who knows how to do it if you can. Visiting some of the clothing shops at Ren Faire, for example, is a really good place to try one on even for fun. Always recommend. 👌

Next is to think of a corset like a shell, not a second skin like spanx try to achieve. Even a budget one is not necessarily supposed to *shape* you as much as to *hold* you tightly - BUT not TOO tightly. You should still be able to get more or less full range of motion and comfort breathing and moving in it with exception of being able to bend at the waist completely freely because of the boning being pulled vertically around your body like a cage.

From there, it's my personal recommendation to always shy away from plastic boning (it bends and deforms and hurts over time) and to go with either stainless steel spiral boning (first recommendation) or if you're making your own to consider using wood splints (just basket weaving materials). Using wood in place of boning is not likely feasible unless you are building your own from scratch, but it was a neat fact I came across while I was researching them throughout history, and I low-key really want to bring it back. Anyway, that's my propaganda moving on.

Next, consider the fabric that it's made of and how it's constructed. Something made of stretchy fabrics will likely be less bulky and hide underneath clothes better - these particular kinds are also usually marketed to fit underneath clothing. The one that was in my post is not one of those kinds of corsets. It's designed to function as a top or over a light shirt, and thus it's a much heftier piece of clothing than it might seem at a glance. I'm always of the opinion that I'd rather have a sturdier piece of my wardrobe then a flimsier one if I couldn't tell over an internet purchase, but I think that would defeat the point that you're specifically looking for.

Finally, and this is usually the step that determines the price point for one of these bad boys, consider the style of corset that you're buying. There are garments called stays that pre-date the Victorian corset yet nevertheless have even more of that underlying boning structure, but it's much more elaborate. I bring these up because while they can be even more daunting and complicated looking than corsets (not to mention if you're going this route you may have to make them yourself like I did or be prepared to pay some good money), when it comes to actually wearing them I much prefer 18th century stays to 19th century and 21st century corsets. They also fit under my clothes better and shape my figure better, in my opinion, then the corsets I've bought online.

Now, mind you, I have never tried to make the kind of corset you can buy online, because if I had I would have made one specifically to my measurements and may have been just as happy with that, but that's yet another disclaimer.

So to reiterate, and maybe I actually recommend these in reverse order as steps but I've written this already and I'm lazy:

Try one on before you buy if possible

Think of it like a shell or cage you comfortably sit in - so size and lace appropriately

The plastic boning is iffy, I recommend spiral steel boning

Consider the construction: fabric, overall weight, etc.

Consider the particular style of garments you're looking for: overbust, underbust, girdle, fully-boned stays, half-boned stays, etc. Not all are corsets.

[nothingunrealistic]

When you land the role and you’re alone with the script, is there a typical first step you take to kind of get into the character?

There are a couple things I do right from the start. The first thing is that I, and this may not be directly what you were asking but it’s what comes to mind, the first thing I do is write out all my lines in one long paragraph without any punctuation, without any capitalization, and that’s how I memorize my lines. I memorize them as one long monologue without any inflection or emotional intention.

This is so interesting that it’s one long thing.

Which, just for me, helps me not have a preconceived notion of how I’m going to say the line, right? It helps me make sure that I know my lines backwards and forwards, so that when I’m on set on the day and the director says, “Try it this way,” it doesn’t, um, I don’t go, “Oh, well I’ve practiced it this one way, and so now I’m in a rut and I can’t get out of it,” you know. And then, as I’m going through writing out my lines, if there’s a word or something that I don’t know, I look it up, um, which in this script happened a lot. You know, Chad and Keanu thought about every little detail. You know, you don’t see it in the movie but the room the Adjudicator is staying in at the Continental Hotel, you know, has a room number, and that room number, when I looked it up, is a direct reference to something in Greek mythology. You know, so I’m a nerd in that way, I love looking everything up, and, um, so that’s where the process begins. And then, through conversations with Keanu and Chad about how they envisioned the Adjudicator, they wanted someone who could enter a room and really unsettle everyone, including people you didn’t think could be unsettled, like the character of Winston, or John Wick himself. They wanted a character who had, um, a quiet intensity, a quiet power, you know. The Adjudicator doesn’t take up physical arms, so their power really lies in in the confidence they have that everyone knows the rules, and everyone knows if you break them, there are going to be consequences, you know. So really getting into the skin of that attitude was important for me. And then you add the costume, which is really the final piece for me, of literally slipping into the character, you know. Our incredible designer, Luca Mosca, had this vision, combined with Keanu, Chad, and myself, which was of sort of a high femme, very European, very fashion-forward character, a lot of structure to the garments but also soft supple fabrics, silks, velvets, you know. So the costume, combined with what I knew Keanu and Chad were hoping to get out of the character, combined with sort of my own instincts, uh, are what all came together to hopefully, you know, bring this character to life.

Right, and, and what does that, what does that final step of putting that, that costume on do for you as an actor? Like, is that — because some, some people, they put that on first. Right, sure. To slide in. But when you put it on last, like, is it just that this is that final thing now? Now it all feels in place because that’s on?

The moment I’m in costume, having done all the preparation I’ve done, from that moment, you know, if I’m on camera and they call “Action!”, whatever I’m doing is the character doing it. It’s no longer me. You know, the character is walking this way, the character is holding gloves this way, the character is saying this line this way to this person in this moment to achieve the emotional intention of the scene. Um, so it’s, it’s also therefore fun for me to watch myself actually, because I’m like, oh my gosh, that character is doing all this stuff that I, Asia, wouldn’t necessarily do in that situation.

I really want to know what the Actor’s Studio of Ithaca was like. Oh my gosh. I love that you’re asking about that. And, and how, and how did — did that form you there? Was that where you, where your, your forming took place? Or was that, or, because you also went to AMDA, right? But just talk to me about those places.

Sure. So the Actor’s Workshop of Ithaca is a Meisner technique training program in Ithaca, where I’m from. Um, you know, I started taking professional acting, dancing, singing lessons in middle school. And I joined the Meisner program in high school, after my mother wrote a letter to Eliza VanCort, who started the studio, saying, um, you know, “I know that your, the age… whatever, range, you know, starts at 16 for the program, but my child is 15, but they are ready. They’re ready for this program, they, they need, they’re yearning for a real professional theatrical environment, you know, this is really something that they, they want.” And Eliza took my mother’s letter to heart and let me into the class at 15. So I was the youngest person ever to be admitted, and I was still in high school, obviously, And the program itself is a five-semester-long program, with an optional sixth, sixth semester. So, um, before I finished high school, I was able to complete, I think, three semesters of work. Then I came to New York, went to AMDA, was living here for a little while. Then I moved back to Ithaca for a couple of years, and I finished the Meisner training program at that time. Now, the Meisner technique is primarily based on reacting truthfully in imaginary circumstances, and you do that by learning how to listen and respond truthfully in the moment, through what are called repetition exercises, that then you build on, in terms of the training. And I feel really lucky to have been 15, 16 years old, and have been challenged to listen and respond truthfully to my own emotional life. Because not only did I learn that it’s about looking my scene partner in the eye and listening and reacting truthfully and connecting, but it also helped me get in touch with my own emotional life and how deep and vast it was, and then how to, um, titrate those emotions or use them in a scene, depending on what what the scene called for. You know, the Meisner technique — there are so many different techniques that work for so many different people, and Meisner, for me, really gave me, I think, a set of tools that that I still use to this day.

That’s amazing. I mean, do you ever think, like, okay, it’s working for you, “I’m not, I don’t need to go out and look at what other people have have done,” uh, for instance, like, the Stanislavski, whatever. Or, or do, or do you just say, “Look, it’s working, I’m using it, it, it’s great.”

I mean, I suppose I would say, in that I’ve never branched out to study, you know, like, Stella Adler or Stanislavski are sort of some of the other major contributors to the way we think about performance and drama, yeah, Meisner worked for me. And I, because I still feel like that toolbox is something I draw from on a continuous basis, I haven’t felt like there was a tool and I went to reach for it and it wasn’t there.

That would be why you would, then. If that happened.

Totally. I think if I got to a point where I was like, “This is not working, I’m not able to get to a place where I need to get,” or I feel, um, like my emotions are inaccessible or something, then certainly. I mean, you know, being an actor is a lifelong learning process. You’re al— I’m always doing scene work on my own, or, you know, saying Shakespeare out loud in my living room just to keep my diction good, or, you know. It’s a, it’s a lifelong physical, emotional, athletic process, being an actor.

Yeah. I like that. I like that. It’s like, it’s like, you gotta work out in the gym, you gotta keep the diction going, yeah.

Yeah. I mean, you know, it could sound, I suppose, sort of cheesy, but it’s like, my body really is my instrument. It is, I’m using my full self the way an athlete does, um, to, to perform, you know.

And you can see that in the, in the way you literally are being in Billions, and how that’s different from the Adjudicator. Yeah. Well, thank you. Thank you. You could really see that, yeah. Thank you. Speaking of Billions. I heard you say that you read the script and wept.

So that is referring to, um, episode 2 of season 2. Ah. Not the, not episode 1, um, but in episode 2, Taylor, the character that I play, says for the first time, “My pronouns are they, theirs, and them.” And I knew that it would be the first time that had ever been said on screen, by a nonbinary character, being played by a nonbinary actor. And just the, the overwhelming emotion of that moment, um, well, overwhelmed me, you know. And I was just incredibly moved and proud and humbled to get to play a character and say a line on screen that I know would have meant so much to me, had I been a kid and, and seen it.

I think for cis people, for white people, for men, it’s very hard to understand how representation matters. But it’s almost impossible for a cis white man to understand, and that’s what I am, and let me tell you something. It has taken me a long time, and, but I have, I, I have, I understand it now, and it’s a very powerful thing to realize. And I am just inspired by your patience with this. You’re patient that people aren’t, you know, quite there yet, or they might even be standoffish or worried about offending or whatever. But this is all, all the first steps that a trailblazer has to go through with this, right?

Yeah. Well, first of all, I really appreciate that question, and the way you phrased it, and your own awareness of your identity as well, and being able to speak to that. It’s really important and powerful, so thank you for that. I, um, you know, we’re all ignorant of what we’re ignorant of until we’re not anymore, you know? I didn’t have a full understanding of my own identity from the very beginning. I mean, I knew from the time I was young that I didn’t feel like a boy or a girl, but I didn’t have the language, really, to describe what that was. I didn’t know what nonbinary was when I was younger. And so if I acknowledge that I myself am ever-growing, ever-changing, ever-learning, then I have to acknowledge that that’s true for other people. And all I can do is, um, hope to engage in conversation with people, to hopefully create understanding, you know. Um, but it has to start with a conversation, you know, and as I said, we’re all learning, you know, as we go, so.

Yeah. Yeah. From what I’ve heard, especially on Billions, and maybe other sets you’ve been on, people are very good about telling people, “This is what you want to be called, you know, let’s, let’s have a talk about pronouns.” But is there still, struggles, like, on the set? Do you feel a burden to make other people feel comfortable about, about this, or something like that? Or is there, is there tiny things that you have to do that you wish you wouldn’t, or eventually you won’t have to, about this?

Well, as you said, I, I’m, I feel really lucky that on Billions, and also on John Wick, you know, it, everyone around is so incredibly supportive. And that isn’t to say that people don’t misgender me accidentally. Sure. But I can tell the difference, when someone is trying, you know, and they’re, they’re doing it accidentally, versus someone who is just blatantly disrespecting me and ignoring my identity, which fortunately did not happen on Billions or John Wick. And when people do misgender me accidentally, you know, either they self-correct, which is great, or I just very gently say, “Remember, it’s they,” you know. And then they go, “Oh my gosh, thank you so much for telling me,” you know. I think, um… I sort of liken it to, like, someone tells you their name is Tom. You know, they’re only going to let you call them Jack so many times before they’re like, “Listen. My name is Tom. And if you continue to call me Jack, like, at this point, I’m gonna have to assume that you’re doing it on purpose to be mean or antagonizing, you know?” And so there is a period of time, I think, which is totally natural to learn a new thing, and then there’s a point where you go, “Okay. I’ve, you know, told you ten times now,” or whatever. But as I said, I was really fortunate that, both Billions and John Wick, everyone is so incredibly supportive. And also, you know, David Costabile, who plays Wags on Billions, he and I had a conversation recently. Because he is, um, as they all are, right there if someone like, say, a photographer who comes in for the day or whatever, um, or if we do a shoot for the show, misgenders me, and David will just say, “It’s they!”, you know, “It’s them!”, you know. And he said to me, he’s like, “I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for you to come to an understanding of your gender identity and then live in your truth, out in the open, and all you’re asking for is help. Like, why wouldn’t I give that to you?” You know? And just hearing him reflect that back to me is incredibly — I mean, one, he’s incredible, and that’s exactly how an ally should be thinking. Just, like, you’re just asking me to help you, um, be able to be safe and free, and like, who would say no to that if someone is asking for that?

Right. I heard you tell Ellen that when you were young, you watched Oliver — Yeah. and had this moment of, of, of both wanting to play that role and sadness realizing you never could. Yeah. And, and the injustice in that, you know? And it made me think, like, let’s just say that this character in Billions was, they cast it in a non-, a non-nonbinary person played it and said the same words, that wouldn’t be quite as, um, revelatory. But I’m imagining that you want to play cis characters — but am I, am I wrong?

Well, I would say I certainly want to play, um, you know, parts for which I am the best actor, you know. And I think that, um, you know, when it comes to representation on screen, right, the, the most important thing, if you are, let’s say, a writer, a casting director, a producer or director, and you want to tell a story about the life experience of someone who’s totally different from you — let’s say, you know, you are a self-identified white cis man and you just are so moved to tell a story about a trans woman of color, right? If you don’t seek out, first of all, a trans woman of color to play that role, or to have in your writer’s room, or to assistant direct, or to produce, you know, then, then you’re doing a disservice, um, by not including the very community that you’re trying to represent. And you are guessing, then, at a life experience, rather than asking someone about that direct life experience, and if you guess at a life experience and you put that on screen, you are putting people in danger, you know. And so I think, when it comes to a character like Taylor, I know that Brian and David, the co-creators, auditioned people all across the board of all different gender identities, gender expressions, and they were looking for the best actor to play the part. And they had spoken to, you know, they did the first best thing, which is, they spoke to nonbinary people, you know, they brought nonbinary people into their writers’ room. They met, they met with people and said, like, “Is this a an appropriate way to talk about this or to write this line?”, or whatever. So they had already taken those steps, which also made me feel incredibly comfortable, in the room with them and taking the role. And it certainly is, um, coincidental that I ended up in the room reading for that part, but the synchronicity and certainly the, um, the impact of it are not lost on me.

—————

Is there something that you are dreaming of being able to play? Some character or some type of character that you would wish someone would give you the chance to do?

Well, you know, I grew up singing and dancing also, so I would love to be in a movie musical. I grew up on movie musicals and I just think they’re wonderful. Um, and in terms of roles I’d love to play, I mean, I really, and I don’t mean it to be a general answer, but I’m excited to do it all. I would love, um, you know, I know I’m in this action franchise now, although my character has not physically taken up arms, but I’m excited to do action. I’m excited to do science fiction, fantasy, um, but also roles that exist in other time periods, you know. I’m excited to travel, you know, for, for roles, shoot on locations all around the world, you know. And it’s incredibly important to me that, whether it’s work I’m self-generating or I’m collaborating with other people on projects they’re creating, that that work support and uplift historically marginalized and historically disenfranchised people, um, because when I’m doing that work, I’m inherently working to make the world safer for myself, you know, and so if the silver lining of that is that the world is safer for other people too, then I don’t know why that’s work I would ever stop doing.

[doved-icelebrity]

What Not To Wear

Sustainable Fashion, Second-hand Shopping, and Social Media’s Sway

As an internet user and a Gen Z resident (on the cusp, at least), I find myself affected by fast-fashion everywhere I turn. I am often overwhelmed by the onslaught of passing trends and the virtual urging to participate in the current wave of whatever is fashionable. I am grateful to have been taught to seek treasure in the realm of second-hand shopping from an early age. Born out of necessity and becoming something of a passion, the world of “thrifting” is a vast one that contains a few key lessons on sustainable approaches to fashion. Though there have been periods of my life when being on-trend seemed vital to my survival, I came to learn about the concept of a capsule wardrobe and have not longed to look back. The idea of investing (whether in time or money or a combination of the two) in pieces that speak to your soul and fit your life perfectly can save endless time and frustration (not to mention the clothing-waste prevention) is a brilliant thing to adapt to. I see this idea coming into the public consciousness via social media more and more as time goes on and it is fantastic to witness. What one deems essential will differ person to person, and will allow the individual to truly consider their style and the structure of their life in a way that fast-fashion prevents.

When I have a special occasion coming up or I want a change of pace, I like to have clothing swaps with my friends. That old tee shirt / pair of trousers / dress from the back of your closet that you haven’t worn in a bit can be given a brand new life in the hands of a pal. And it’s free! When I need something more specific, I head to local second-hand shops with a vision in mind. Shopping aimlessly leads to buying aimlessly, which of course leads to clothing waste. The avoidance of these things is my goal. I consider myself a crafty individual. When I have a garment that is met with rips or tears, I am not afraid to attempt to “upcycle” it with amateur alterations, personalized patches, and a bit of luck. There is an undeniable beauty in being truly committed to the pieces you know and love, the articles of clothing that have gone on journeys without you throughout your life, have hugged all of your favorite people and seen your favorite places. I have had coats and jeans in my life for nearly a decade, and they existed on this earth long before they came into my possession. Though some of my garments occasionally go into periods of retirement, the thrill of moving them back into my outfit rotation when the time is right is my favorite sort of shopping spree.

Taken in my favorite local second-hand clothing store “Other People’s Clothes” in Ridgewood, Queens :

Photos taken of my favorite second-hand and vintage store (now closed, heartbreakingly) The Eclectic Contessa, where I shopped for the entirety of my adolescence in my hometown in Pennsylvania :

In terms of eco-friendly material viability, I feel that it is the same as any other kind of societal shift in the forward direction. Everything seems impossible until we do it. With enough inspiration, experimentation, funding, and demand- anything can be done. I think of the current universality of reusable grocery bags. Alternative material straws. It takes trial and error (paper straws weren’t as beloved as other materials for example) but making the toxic materials less accessible (and less popular) causes massive shifts in society, where the past can be nearly completely phased out.

Many fashion brands (including those considered fast fashion) do indeed engage in the practice of greenwashing. This process of exaggeration and false advertising around the environmental cost of one’s practice / process results in confusion, disappointment, and distrust within consumer bases. This well-earned skepticism can cause consumers to be more conscious about the brands they suppose. This push to engage in more research when shopping results in a more thought out purchase, and a slower want-buy-discard cycle. Internet-popular societal shifts (particularly among Milennials and Gen Z) towards sustainable fashion has caused a number of luxury brands to make genuine efforts toward environmental responsibility.

A photo I took on the set of a photo shoot a few years ago for a friend’s upcycled fashion brand “For Good Luck” , hand-dyed second-hand and vintage wedding dresses and various formal wear are given new life :

A brand that I see widely popularized on social media, and I myself am a fan of, is SAYE. They are a (primarily) sneaker brand crafting shoes from bio-based and recycled materials. Their website boasts a manifesto with a purpose to promote “a conscious lifestyle by offering high quality vegan sneakers that are kind to the planet and its people” and promises of impact compensation and total transparency. SAYE is partnered with BCome, a platform for global sustainability management, and shares their Eco-score insights clearly and directly on their website for all shoppers to see. The eco-friendly footwear materials consist of corn leather, bamboo yarn, organic cotton, apple leather, cactus leather, mango leather, recycled & synthetic rubber, recycled PET yarn extracted from water bottles, recycled polyurethane from mattress factory excess, and Seaqual yarn in collaboration with international fishing communities. SAYE also strives for responsible packaging and ethical manufacturing practices, making it a company with values throughout the entire process from design to doorstep. As a full cherry sundae on top, SAYE also funds the growth of two trees for each pair of sneakers sold and collaborates with a number of social projects. This example of a brand that is both popular, stylish, and genuinely doing good for the world is exactly the sort of product that deserves all of the praise it receives. I came to know this brand from social media posts and admired the look of the shoe before I even was made aware of the beautiful benefits behind it… this is to say that eco-friendliness and style can coexist peacefully.

This week’s post contained a number of stats that truly struck me. It is devastating to come to terms with the hard facts around waste creation in this world, but we must face reality in order to grapple with it and make changes. The staggering concept of 25 million pounds of clothing ending up in landfills/incinerators each year is enough to make anyone look at their closet a bit differently. I was also struck by clothing waste being the fastest growing category of waste in the UK. In an age where everything seems more and more replaceable I suppose the idea of discarding thoughtlessly follows behind closely. The idea of 300 million pairs of shoes being discarded yearly is incomprehensible… I don’t mean to sound ancient but this makes me feel that not enough people know about the wonders a cobbler can craft upon a beaten up pair of shoes.

Of course, not everyone can commit to keeping their wardrobe forever, whether it be due to changing life circumstances or style preferences. While I still feel that more of an effort should be made in being sustainable within your very own home, I am grateful that clothing producers are making strides to mitigate environmental impact. This is when the concept of fashion rentals and sustainable/recyclable materials is gorgeously good news. I found myself positively stunned by the wide variety of alternative materials on the market, and I imagine more are being created as time goes on. We are always making progress, however slowly, but it is important to remember that real progress is being made. A combined effort consisting of prior research, wardrobe / product sustainability, and brand impact transparency can make the weight our earth is carrying a little lighter.

[2q5b]

VAYESHEV

by Agnes

December 8th, 2023

So much happens in this parsha. It’s almost too much to narrate.

Joseph gets his fancy coat, he has the dreams that make his brothers hate him, he goes to find them in the fields, they conspire to kill him, end up throwing him in a pit and then selling him into slavery. He ends up in Egypt, rising in the house of Potiphar, only to be tossed in prison, interpret more dreams, think his interpretations might save his neck, and then find himself again forgotten.

Meanwhile there’s an interlude with Joseph’s brother Judah and his daughter-in-law Tamar, involving two dead sons, a lot of resentment, some birth control, a retrogressive legal structure that allows a disengaged slash probably grief-stricken Judah to leave Tamar in a legal and emotional limbo. There is some deception, some prostitution, and a pregnancy with twins.

It’s a lot! And all of it is hard to talk about without talking about what happens later.

The fact that there will be more reversals of fortune in Joseph’s future, that a famine will come, that he will find himself in a position to save his brothers…

More than any parsha, it’s hard to talk about what happens here without talking about what happens after.

Two parshiot from now, Joseph will insist to his brothers that the whole thing needs to be interpreted in light of a larger divine vision: “it was not you who sent me here, but God,” he says, and “it was to save life that God sent me ahead of you.”

Which all feels like a kind of lesson to us, as interpreters of story, as readers of our own lives.

It’s as if we are always going to fail to recognize what is actually going on, in the moment of its unfolding.

So what are we to make of the little word that comes up twice in this parsha — להכיר, to recognize?

The first time it comes up, the brothers have sent Joseph’s coat back to their father, Jacob. They have slaughtered a baby goat and smeared its blood all over the beautiful garment, thinking that they can disguise what has actually happened — they have sold Joseph into slavery.

The coat, of course, is already emotionally charged. It’s a beautiful coat, a rare coat, a singular coat — a coat that Jacob has given Joseph because, as everyone knows, he loves Joseph most of all his children.

They send the coat and they say, do you recognize this (הַכֶּר־נָ֗א)? It’s your son’s coat, no?

And then we are told that Jacob does indeed recognize it — same word (וַיַּכִּירָ֤הּ) — and comes — a little too quickly — to a sort of melodramatic but tidy conclusion.

“My son’s tunic!” he says. “A savage beast devoured him!”

I want to pause and unpack the symbolic drama a little bit here.

My memory of this parsha was always that this savage beast idea is one that the brothers plant in their father’s head — we’re gonna make it look like X, and convince him that X happened.

But when the brothers dip the coat in blood, the text never actually tells us why.

Which makes Jacob’s hasty and sort of random conclusion ever stranger.

What if the brothers are not trying to hide something?

What if they are trying to reveal something, something too painful for words?

What if they are actually asking their father to look at something he doesn’t want to look at?

What if the bloody coat isn’t a lie, but a deeper kind of truth?

(Judah, in fact, has just asked: What do we gain by killing our brother and covering up his blood?)

Let us kill him in a different way, and make the blood visible.

This blood that ties us to him, that ties us to you. This blood that represents our murderous anger.

Because if the idea that Joseph has been murdered is a lie, it is also a kind of truth.

The brothers originally wanted to murder Joseph.

In a funny way, the brothers dip the coat in blood because they want to reveal something about themselves, not conceal it.

And do we really think that Jacob didn’t see all that when he saw the coat?

Of course he did.

Of course he saw in that moment how his own refusals of love had given birth to such rage, and, ultimately, such pain, within his own family.

I refuse to believe that he did not see it all.

That the father did not understand his sons perfectly well.

We have murdered your love, they told him, we have murdered you. We loved you and you refused to see us. You loved Joseph. And that love has murdered us. You have murdered us.

Look at us all, here, together, Dad; drenched in blood.

But that is so much, so painful for Jacob in this moment.

So he externalizes it.

A bloody beast did this!

When the bloody beast is actually his own children.

When the bloody beast is himself.

It is not because he is confused that Jacob mourns for many days, and refuses to be comforted.

It’s because he sees the truth.

He grieves himself, his own looking away, his own cruelty.

And he cannot be comforted because the things he’s grieving have not actually died.

The same word, recognize, comes up later in the parsha, in the story of Tamar.

Tamar has, trapped in a misogynistic legal nightmare limbo, decided to get her father-in-law’s attention by pretending to be a sacred prostitute and getting him to sleep with her. She succeeds.

He gives the woman he doesn’t recognize as his daughter-in-law, the daughter-in-law who has lived in his household many years now, through the death of two sons and the long childhood of a third, his seal and cord and staff as a guarantee of future payment. Later he goes looking for the prostitute he thought he slept with, to pay her, and, she isn’t there. Eventually, Tamar gets pregnant and comes to Judah with the seal, cord, and staff, and says, “Recognize these?” (הַכֶּר־נָ֔א)

She’s asking him to look at a situation that he has decided is unrelated to him — a situation in which he sees he has no agency or involvement — and says, no, look. This is you. You are here.

And also: Look at me.

I am here. I have been here a long time. I loved at least one of your children.

And perhaps there was a time when I loved you.

So what particular kind of a call does this word represent?

The text could have easily given us a simpler word — Look (הַבֶּט־נָ֣א), or look (רְא֗וּ), which is what Potiphar’s wife says in this parsha: “Look [at this coat!], he had to bring us a Hebrew to dally with us!”

Instead we get the twisted, painful idea of recognition.

It is, on the one hand, a call for justice.

Look — see — we have been wronged.

I — we — are tricking you, have lied, have trapped you, are hurting you — but you are complicit here.

You are hurting but you must see your part in the way things have unfolded.

Christina Sharpe, in Ordinary Notes, writes about how whiteness is so obsessed with innocence.

Rather than seek justice, so many of us just want to be innocent, to be reassured.

Horrible things have happened, but we are good, aren’t we? We, personally, have no part in this.

Recognition — הַכֶּר־נָ֔א — is a word of messy complicity.

It’s messy because in the stories here, the brothers have done something wrong. And so has Tamar, she has deceived her father-in-law, made him a nonconsensual father of twins.

No one is innocent.

But in the brother’s violence and Tamar’s deception, Jacob and Judah are forced to confront the ways in which years and years of passive cruelty and neglect have put the people around them in impossible situations.

We have murdered your son, but so have you.

You have murdered us.

I have deceived you, but you have deceived yourself as well.

You have refused to see me all these years.

So it’s a call to justice.

But it’s also a call of love. And a call of hurt.

It’s a call of the kind of complicated love that hasn’t been given its due. Love that hasn’t been tended to, love that has been blocked, ignored, starved.

Love thwarted, love denied, love met with indifference.

הַכֶּר־נָ֔א is a phrase of brokenheartedness and betrayal.

I am this week, as every week, thinking about the war in Gaza.

And we may feel that we are at a point where love is impossible.

But I feel that our sacred obligation is to believe that the story isn’t over yet.

That there is a future parsha, in which some measure of grief is given space, where some measure of justice is done, and a path towards love — or at least relationship — is possible.

הַכֶּר־נָ֔א

הַכֶּר־נָ֔א

הַכֶּר־נָ֔א

In grief, in rage, we are talking about complicity.

We are not ready, yet, to talk about love.

And so how do we get there?

In September of next year, we will read Ki Tetzei. In a long list of laws, we will hear about the issue of a husband who has two wives, one loved, one unloved. And who, because he loves the one wife and not the other, decides to favor a younger child over an older.

It will be hard not to think about Jacob, and his preference for Rachel over Leah. It will be hard not to think about Jacob’s blinding love for Joseph.

But here we get a legal solution.

Instead, he must accept the first-born, the son of the unloved one, and allot to him a double portion of all he possesses; since he is the first fruit of his vigor, the birthright is his due. (21:18)

כִּי֩ אֶת־הַבְּכֹ֨ר בֶּן־הַשְּׂנוּאָ֜ה יַכִּ֗יר

It’s the same word, יַכִּ֗יר.

Love is hard to legislate.

I believe in love, as radically framed by prophets and mystics from Meister Eckhart to Martin Luther King. And that love is a demand, that love is a form of justice, of revolution, of creation.

And also, there is the daily love. Which is hard. It can be hard to get there, when we are hurting.

But we can start with legal measures. We recognize injustice, we recognize our own complicity.

There are reparations, there is land-back, there is an end to occupation.

There is a provision of resources to rebuild what we ourselves have destroyed.

These stories are long.

The ask is hard:

הַכֶּר־נָ֔א

It may be demanding of us things we are not ready to see, or say, or do.

But the story is not over yet.

We have to find a path.