#it's so funny she came online to reassure us that she was watching like lol

[edelweiss-in-winter]

2019

Well, maybe I will start my story from 2019; 2019 was the transition of my adoscence (I think!) i’m turning 25 years old, but my body was very weak, i think it’s starting to adapt and transiscing to adult body haha, I got into hospital maybe like 3 times a year. Maybe it was also because of the trauma of being cheated on in my first relationship in 2017. That time I couldn’t even being alone, I was scared the panic attack hits all of sudden (ptsd much? Lol) but I stand up for myself and I got up again.

In 2019, I met 3 guys in my life. Now there are only one who still stay as my friend.

the guy who came like a thunderstorm.

I met him on Tinder, but we never met in person once until now. He is a funny person, we always joked around each other, and he still helped me calm myself when I got corona vaccine (because actually I was afraid of the side effect!) and he also helped me choosing a backdrop design for corona vaccine event at my company. I really appreciate that. He also gave me support and reassurance when my pet cats were dying. He also loves animals.

In 2020, he resigned from his company and moved to Ho Chi Minh City in Vietnam. We are still friends on social media until now, we even still messaged each other once in a while. He is a good friend. I like him (as a friend).

the guy who stands up in the middle of wild flowers.

To be honest, I was in love with him because he was so tall and kind. He was working in Jakarta only for 1-2 years I think (I don’t know). We had coffee in Jakarta and going around Jakarta together once. But, in June, I asked him to go to a festival together, but he said he couldn’t go, and he opened the truth about him saying he was already engaged with a girl in his country and said he was sorry. I was broken-hearted, and said it was okay, and that his fiance must have been a beautiful girl, and he said yes, she was very beautiful to him. I was sad but I really respected him for saying the truth and that he adored his fiance so much and thought when it’s my turn, having such a boyfriend like him. And yes, I moved on very quickly after that and we got lost contact since then.

the guy who sits with you as the crickets sing.

I met him also from Tinder maybe around September 2019. He was very thin and maybe his height is around 171cm. I first met him in Cikarang with my friend and her husband at a restaurant somewhere in Lippo Cikarang called Mucca. I became his girlfriend only 1 week after meetup (i think that’s kinda too fast though😅). He was a very quiet guy who has a calm aura. The way he talks also very soothing. You can fall asleep listening to him talk, it was so beautiful.

We liked to watch netflix together, and our favorite show is Stranger Things. 2020 hits, and then the walls between us came, it’s covid-19, because of that we can’t meet each other often and in April until September he had to go back to his country because of corona and we went LDR for 6 months. After he was back here, we met again in Cikarang and he bought me a cute gift, a cute black umbrella with hearts pattern, he also bought one for himself, but the mannish one.

We met again 3 days after Christmas near my area and had lunch together eating sushi and sashimi. He also gave me a snack called Jagariko that his parents sent to him for christmas. I am an jagariko addict until now because of him haha. Not long after we met for year-end lunch, in the middle of January 2021, we got covid together lol, and we updated our condition everyday via whatsapp and watch netflix together as our online date during our quarantine.

We dated for 1.5 years, but we broke up due to something that wasn’t very nice to hear. We got into fights when we broke up, and “i hate you” came out from my mouth. Well, he was holding me back though and apologized, but I got very angry and leave him immediately. After 2 months of breakup, he already got a girlfriend who is much younger than us. I was like “my intuition is accurate, right?” while smiling bitterly. Moving on from him was kind of hard though, but not that hard like the first boyfriend. I think I got pretty used to the broken heart situation. I was single and healing myself for a year. Now it’s been 2 years I haven’t heard from him and I guess I’m already okay and have no hard feelings for him anymore.

I learned my lesson, but I think it’s still not enough for my life journey.

[delicatetaysversion]

lol

[thisdreamplace]

Hello! How have you been? I hope you’ve been doing well :)

I’d like to share my current progress with you and anyone else if you share this if that’s okay, since I feel you were the one who was most influential to me when it comes to my manifesting journey. I love your advice so much it’s like gold and diamonds lol.

At the beginning of February, I started prioritizing myself and heavily engaging in self-love. I also implemented meditation into my daily routine with healing meditation music in the background. The meditation purely focused on I AM, being in the present moment, and loving myself unconditionally.

When Valentine’s Day came around I dedicated my valentine to.. Me.. and since the pandemic was pretty bad where I was living, I did a DIY valentine’s day for myself at home. Morning meditation, going out for a walk in my neighborhood while listening to upbeat music, enjoying a cup of tea, making myself a fancy dinner, taking a warm bath and relaxing, Self-care, cleaning and detoxing my room then watching a funny movie comfortably in bed afterwards, etc. It felt so nice for me. That day was just a “me” day and while everyone else may have a partner, I felt so comfortable with being on my own. Ever since I’ve started intensely focusing on myself, I’ve had a very huge mindset shift that makes me completely different from my past self. Before I found The Law, I went through a breakup which led me to reflect and heal. Then I came across The Law of Assumption on Tumblr. After learning about The Law, it made a lot of sense why my past was the way it is. Before my mindset shift, I was pessimistic, overthinking, anxious all the time, made negative assumptions about everything, came from a neglectful childhood, felt like the world was against me, depressed, I was even rebellious and toxic at one point etc. It was a dark and lonely past for me. So after taking this time to allow myself to heal, for the first time in forever I feel so free.

When unwanted circumstances show up in the 3D or when I get triggered, I am able to handle the situation in a much more calm, patient, relaxed, and mature way. The only reassurance I needed was myself, and from this journey I was able to self-reassure and rely on myself for support. I was shocked to be honest haha.. At one point I was confused because I thought “Wait, why am I feeling calm instead of panicking?” Because I would spiral and panic in the past when getting triggered by the 3D. I’m very proud of myself for the progress I made and it’s been a huge one.

I’ve also had the ability to manifest things much more effortlessly and instantly. I’ve built a self-concept around manifestation to where I can control simple everyday life things. When the power ran out, and my devices were on low battery.. I would simply set an intention and a few minutes the power would be back on again.

Things that I’ve manifested from prioritizing myself that I remember of

secretly help my parents get free parking space instantly + secretly manifested that they would park perfectly lmao

My dad forgot to fill his E-toll card for the highway, and I manifested that there was still money left.

productivity increase,

Instant replies from friends,

Extending online school + delaying a deadline for submitting

Manifested that my dad is safe and healthy from COVID-19 and that his results are negative so he can travel for work.

Able to manifest pain/discomfort away.

fixing broken objects

My best friend had a bad birthday, and I manifested that things will turn out amazing, and it did! She had an amazing birthday. 💓

Desired voice

Manifested my mom to have an amazing birthday because she deserves it for taking such good care of my family 💓

And so many more I probably forgot about lol

I can manifest instantly now by just setting an intention. Before this phase, I used to have so much trouble “commanding my subconscious mind” but wow, now it feels like I have superpowers. I can basically bend reality to my control now haha.. It’s so amazing. In the past I would only be able to consciously manifest 3 things a day, and now I can do 10+ a day.

Even though manifestation has been effortless to me, I still feel as if I need more time personally to heal. Even if I'm able to manifest so many things, I feel the need to heal more because I am a priority and I am worthy and deserving of freedom and love for myself. This month's progress has been incredible so far, and I definitely will continue to do this for a lifelong journey.

I'm extremely grateful that I came across you and manifesting at a young age (I'm 16 currently for those wondering). Everyday I feel so blessed to know how to manifest. Isn't it incredible we have this "cheat code" to life? Haha..

Out of this whole entire thing, my favorite development has been being able to be calm in undesirable situations or when getting triggered, and how I'm able to react in a calm way. "I choose love over fear." This has been the most impressive growth for me.

Things that helped me heal

Meditation (big time)

Journaling and getting real with my fears

Facing my fears in the 3D and practicing self reassurance

Self care

Healthy habits/routine

Mental diet/being aware of my inner conversations

Gratitude journaling and forgiveness

Self love affirmations

+ continued: Wow so sorry if this was long.. I wanted to share how I was doing and I couldn't have done it without you honestly. You've been such a big factor in my manifestation journey, and proof that you're an amazing advice giver is my journey here that I've shared lol. I'll maybe give updates in the future for more progress, but for now I want to continue my healing journey. 💓 Thank you so much @/thisdreamplace!

I LOVE THIS SM. its sooooo amazing n beautiful how far you’ve come 💞 thank u so much for sharing this as its truly so inspiring !! love how you know how to put yourself first, and do what feels best to you. truly so important and this is truly what this all brings us back to. you’ve truly grown so much and i loveeeee to see it 🥲 <3

[ofstarsandvibranium]

Swipe Right

Fandom: Marvel

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Summary: Bucky has been your neighbor for a few months now, so he likes to think you two are friends. Which is why he thinks you're the best person to go to to help him get back into the dating scene.

AN: inspired by one line of dialogue from the first ep of Falcon and the Winter Soldier. lol also, FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLDIER EP 1 SPOILERS!

Bucky felt lost. Well, he's always felt lost ever since he suddenly came back along with have of the world's population. He was pardoned by the government and now a civilian. He was going through therapy to deal with his 70+ years worth of trauma and trying to navigate his way through the modern world. Everything was new and exciting but also overwhelming and exhausting.

His therapist encouraged him to date and make friends. So that's what he did, or at least, tried to do.

He considers you a friend. You live in the apartment right beside him, gave him a friendly smile and helping hand when he first moved in. You two chatted when you'd run into each other in the hall or in the laundry room. You were nice, attractive, funny. He honestly thought about asking you out a few times, but you were his friend, his only friend it seems. So he couldn't ruin that. Therefore, he resorted to online dating.

He signed up to a bunch of dating websites and apps: eharmony, match.com, plentyoffish, tinder-SO MANY. Why are there so many dating apps?!

He's scrolling through his phone, so overwhelmed by the different pictures and information. What does DTF mean???

He scowls, tossing his phone onto a pile of dry laundry he should be folding. You enter the laundry room with a chuckle, "Everything alright?"

He glances over his shoulder and sees you. He immediately smiles and faces you, "Hey, um, yeah," he gestures to his phone, "Just, um..." he lets out a sigh and asks, "Do you know anything about dating?"

You look at him curiously and reply, "A little. Why? What's up?"

"I'm just," he nervously scratches his head and places his hands on his hips, "I'm trying this online dating thing and it's...a lot."

You can't help but snort, "I feel ya," you give him a reassuring smile despite your heart dropping to your stomach, "So, uh, what sites or apps are you on?"

"Um...all of them?"

You snort again, "No way. Let me see your phone." you hold out your open palm to him and he places his phone into your hands after unlocking it. You swipe through his apps and your brows shoot up to your hairline, "Well it's not all of them , but it's definitely a lot." you look up from the phone to Bucky, "Can I give some advice?"

"Please, I'll take anything you can give me," he replies desperately.

You hop onto the washing machine and hold up his phone, "Okay. These apps are usually for the older crowd. Like thirty five and up, so if you're not picky about age, feel free to keep these. Now, these apps are what the younger generations use. Tinder is usually for hook ups, one night stands and all that. Not many people take Tinder seriously. Bumble, is a level up from Tinder. You'll find people who are more serious about finding a relationship with also a mix of people looking for something casual. Hinge, I think, is a level up from Bumble. You don't see people's typical lame ass bios, but their answers to some fun questions, what kind of relationship they're looking for, if they smoke or do drugs, etc. Also, I'm not sure if you know this, but you can change the age range on all of these apps. So instead of having it from 18 to 50, you can narrow it so 25 to 35 or however you want."

You look at Bucky and see his brows are furrowed in...concentration? Confusion?

"Was that too much? Do I need to slow down?"

He shook his head, "No, no, that's not it. Um, thanks, Y/N," he shoots you a grateful grin and you smile back, "No problem, Bucky." You see the gears turning in his head and you ask a question, he might be scared to ask you, "Do you want me to help you find some potential dates?"

"Will you?" he asks in that same desperate tone from earlier.

Again, you put on a smile, despite your breaking heart, "Sure!"

You tap on Hinge, double checking on his preferences, and then going to the main page.

"Oh! Look here. She's a single mom, but she's also a nurse. On the weekends, you're most likely going to find her wine drunk and watching movies with her kids. She has pets. She'd like to have more kids some day. She sounds nice. How 'bout it, Bucky?"

"Sure. She-She sounds good."

"Cool! So you tap on the heart on whatever thing on her page. So let's like her....answer here. If you want, you can comment something, but if not, you just forward it and hope to see that she'll like you back and you can start messaging her! Also, it looks like some people already like you! So you just tap on this icon here and you can scroll through the different people who've liked something on your page and it's up to you if you want to make contact or not."

Bucky hums and plucks his phone from your hands, "Wow. This-Thanks Y/N. This really helped."

"No problem, Buck! If you ever need more help, just let me know!" you hop off the washer and proceed to start up a load of laundry. You mind running back and forth about how you should shoot your shot, but you were too afraid of ruining the friendship you and Bucky have.

______________________

Bucky: Hey

You: What's up?

Bucky: can you come over? I need more help with this online dating situation.

You: sure!

You let your phone fall to your side with a sigh, Bucky has been asking for your help with his online dating for two weeks now and while you're always happy to help him, it just sucks seeing someone get his attention that you wish you had.

You roll out of bed, not caring about how you looked and exit your apartment, knocking on Bucky's door.

He swings open to reveal him in a tight blue henley and some black jeans, "Hey!" he shoots you a grin and moves aside to let you in, "So, um, this girl, Janine. We've been messaging for a few days now and she wants to meet up. Is that too soon? And where should I take her? I've," he pauses to chuckle to himself, "I haven't dated since the forties so..."

Despite your feelings for him, you knew Bucky deserved to be happy, especially after all the shit he's gone through.

"Hm, well, what kind of vibes are you getting from her?"

"Vibes?"

"Yeah, um, what feelings do you get when you talk to her? Do you feel happy? Do you want to get to know her more?"

"Uh, yeah, I suppose so. I think it'd be nice to meet her in person and get to know her more face to face."

"Then yeah, take her out. But since it's your first time meeting her in person, it should be something casual. Low key, no pressure. A decent restaurant or a bar is probably best."

Bucky nods, "Yeah. Okay. Um, do you think you could help me pick something out?"

You can't help but laugh, "Bucky, I'm sure whatever you choose to wear, you'll be fine."

"Okay. Thanks, Y/N," he slowly wraps his arms around you for a hug, but not too tight in case you're uncomfortable. You surprise him by hugging him back, giving him a little squeeze, "You're welcome, Bucky."

It was Saturday and you didn't have work. You friends asked you to hangout with them, but you didn't want to. You wanted to stay holed up in your apartment, wallowing because Bucky would be going on his date with Janine tonight.

You're mindlessly watching tv , curled up on the couch. You turn your face into the pillow and scream in frustration. You should've just asked him out when you had the chance, but now that chance is gone.

You groan as you roll off the couch and head to your balcony. You just need some fresh air. You push up your window and climb onto the metal balcony. You sit on the outdoor chair you have there and stare up into the night sky. The stars are twinkling, the moon is shining. It looks like a perfect night for a date and here you are, alone.

"Hey-"

"AAAHHH!" you scream by the sudden appearance of Bucky on his own balcony. You're staring at him wide eyed, hand on your chest.

Bucky couldn't help but laugh at your expression, "Sorry."

You shake your head and stand to meet him, "It's fine. What're you doing here? I thought you were on your date."

"Yeah, uh, turns out Janine didn't, what phrase did you use once, pass the vibe check?"

You snort, covering your mouth as you giggled. Bucky's smile grows at the sound and you pull yourself together, "Um, yeah that's it. But I'm sorry."

He shrugs, leaning against the railing, "Honestly, it's okay. I don't think the online dating thing is really for me. I think I'll probably stick to the old fashion way: meeting in person and asking them out on a date."

"That's understandable," you say with a nod.

"So how 'bout it?"

You look at him confused, "How 'bout what?"

"Do you wanna go on a date sometime?" you give a look of surprise and Bucky immediately adds, "But I totally understand if you don't want to. I just-you're nice, and beautiful, and funny I thought maybe-but we're friends so I totally understand if you don't-"

"No, no. Bucky, I just-I'd love to go on a date with you."

"Yeah?" You nod and he holds out his hand, "Come on then."

You give a nervous chuckle, "What?"

"I picked up a pizza after that disastrous date. We can eat and watch a movie. Casual and no pressure, right?"

You look from his striking blue eyes to his outstretched glove hand. You reach out to place your hand in his but then pull back, "Wait. I should probably change."

You step back to head back into your apartment, but Bucky grabs your hand, "You don't have to. You look great."

You chuckle and begin to climb from your railing to Bucky's, with his help, "Alright, Prince Charming. I expect to be wooed tonight."

"Of course you do, which is why I ordered pizza from your favorite place and I'm letting you pick the movie we watch."

"Bucky Barnes, I could kiss you!" you exclaim thoughtlessly but then you realized what you just said. You shook your head and began to ramble off excuses, "No no! I mean not now! Now that I don't want to kiss you. You're very kissable. Not that I imagine kissing you or anything it's just-"

Bucky leans in and gives you a little peck on the cheek, "I don't kiss until after the date's over, doll. So will that suffice for now?"

You could feel your cheeks heating up as you nodded and squeaked out, "Yup!"

He chuckled, taking your hand in his again and leading you to the couch where the pizza was waiting for you.

[itsallyscorner]

so, I was watching the video that came out today and I was thinking about a age gap seb x reader around his friends like Jessica or maybe chace? And they're just hanging out and they both have this lovesick look on their faces and when she leaves the room for some reason they don't waste any time addressing how in love she is with him, and sebs glad bc they were kinda wary of her at first?

Hiyaaa babes! This is my first request so woohoo🥳 Since you mentioned the video, I literally thought of the pictures that were released while they were filming 355, and now I can’t get the image of Seb in Paris because holy shit he looked good. So I’m gonna be using Jessica❤️

- This came out so long, I’m a sucker for background info and can’t get past writing a story without one💀 Enjoy!💜

💌.

Lovesick

You and Sebastian were unexpected. Literally the chances of you guys getting together were so off and you guys were at different times of your lives. He was in his late 30s, already living most of his life as a successful actor. While you were in your early 20s still in college working on your doctoral degree to become a Pharmacist (It was the only major I could think of atm because it’s the one I’m planing on lol.) You guys met at the cafe near your campus. You always went there every morning and would spot him drinking his morning coffee with his nose stuck in a new script he was reading. You two would sneak glances at each other, admiring each other from afar. Until one day when the cafe was fairly packed and you needed a place to sit. You spotted his familiar face and asked him if you could sit in the seat across from him. Obviously he agreed and you guys talked, getting to know each other the whole time. When it was time for you to leave for classes, you guys exchanged numbers and kept in touch.

Which brings us to today. You and Sebastian have been going strong for about a year now and were approaching your second year together. Though you two are as happy as can be and are still in the honeymoon phase (even after a year), the first few months of the relationship were quite rough. There was an obvious age gap between you two, it didn’t bother you two as much, but the public didn’t react too nicely about it. Your parents weren’t too fond of the idea of you dating an older man, but after getting to know him they knew his intentions with you were well. Same goes for your friends and family. When it came to his fans and the media finding about your relationship, that’s when it went to shit.

The media made Sebastian look like some creep who was going through a midlife crisis for dating someone much younger than him. A few “fans” even claimed that he were a “groomer” after pictures of you and him heavily making out on the street were released. These issues caused some bumps in the road for your relationship, though after many arguments, you two realized that the only opinions that mattered were each other’s.

Now you two were staying at a hotel in Paris. Sebastian was currently working on a big project, “The 355”, something he was very excited about. This was one of the first projects that he was really involved in, from script to screen, he played a pretty big role in this project.

You were typing up a report for your class when Sebastian entered the hotel room. He was still in his set clothes, a light blue shirt, dark jeans, and a pair of Chelsea boots. He approached the bed where you were typing and pressed a kiss to your temple.

“Hey sweetheart, how’s school going?” He greeted you as he settled himself on the bed, laying on his side.

“Meh, it’s going...but I finished my report on time. Now I just need to proofread it.” You smiled as you finished typing the last sentence of your report. When Sebastian discovered he was going to film in Paris, he immediately told you, knowing you’ve been dreaming of visiting Paris. Luckily for the both of you, your school allowed you to do online learning (it probably doesn’t work like that but just go with it) and you were able to tag along with him.

“I’m sure it’s prefect, you’re a great writer.” He complimented, you hummed in response. Turning to him you run your hand through his short hair making him lean into your touch. You loved his fluffy hair but the short hair was starting to grow on you.

Sebastian turned his head and pressed a kiss into your palm, stormy eyes gazing up at you.

“How has your day been?” You asked.

“It was good. We got through a good amount of scenes without messing up, so I’d say it was a successful day.” He answered. You smiled at his enthusiasm. Sebastian’s face always lit up when he was talking about a project and it was one of the things you admired most about him, his passion for his work.

“So, you’ve been cooped up in this damn hotel all day. Why don’t you come to dinner with me and the cast tonight? You’ve been waiting to visit Paris all your life and you haven’t even been outside this hotel for days.” He suggested. It was true, you haven’t done much but do school work, order room service, and binge watch shows on Netflix.

“Are you sure they’d want me to come? I might be intruding.” Honestly you were nervous to meet the rest of the cast. You’ve met Jessica a few times but they were brief and she seemed like she didn’t like you. Though that could just be your thoughts making you paranoid, you were still nervous to meet the people Seb worked with. You didn’t want them to think you were using him for money or to travel around the world because you weren’t. You loved Sebastian for himself, not the money and the fame, you could care less about all that.

But they were still Sebastian’s friends and you wanted to have a good first impression on them. You didn’t want them to think you were just some immature college girl who needed money to pay off her college funds.

Noticing you were drifting off, Sebastian pressed another kiss into your palm and grasps it. “You wouldn’t be intruding, Jessica actually suggested you come along.” He mentioned.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive, baby. Come on, let’s put this stuff away and get ready. We’re having dinner at the Eiffel Tower.”

“I— the Eiffel Tower?”

•

To say you were intimidated and scared shitless was an understatement. Here you were in the Eiffel Tower having dinner with some of the most talented women in Hollywood. Like seriously Jessica Chastain, Lupita Nyong’o, Penélope Cruz, and Diane Kruger. Of course Seb and Édgar Ramírez where there as well. Then there was you, NYC local college student. You didn’t wanna say you felt out of place, but you did. These were successful people who probably starred in some of the movies you watched growing up. Now you’re literally in the Eiffel fucking Tower having dinner with them.

Dinner was going smoothly, everyone was talking about the set, shared some funny stories, and you were keeping to yourself simply eating your steak. That was until the attention was brought to you.

“So (y/n), Sebastian mentioned you were in college, what are you studying?” Jessica asked. Everyone turned to you and you swear you felt like a deer in headlights. Seb nudged your thigh with his, a reassuring smile on his face.

“Yes I am! I’m actually taking a PharmD program at St. John Fisher to become a Pharmacist.” you answered.

“For your masters?” She followed up curiously, slightly leaning forward to you.

“No, for my doctoral degree.” You corrected her proudly. You didn’t want to come off as an ass, but you were proud of your work and you worked your ass off for it.

Everyone at the table was taken back by your response. Except Sebastian, who had a just as proud smile on his face. They knew you were in college but not studying something as serious as Pharmacy.

“St.John Fisher College? I had a cousin that went there, it’s a great college.” Lupita was the first to break the silence.

“So are you working in the field yet? For some experience?” Penélope chimed in. Sebastian snorted, “Oh she has experience, trust me.”

You chuckled as you softly smacked Seb’s bicep, “Well currently, I’m interning as a Pharmacy Tech at a hospital pharmacy. They’re thinking about making me a permanent one until I graduate so fingers crossed!”

As you answered all their questions about your personal life and your major, Sebastian couldn’t help but just admire you. Just like how you admired the way he talked about his projects, he admired the way you got lost in rambling about your soon career. The way your eyes lit up, how your hands moved while you talked, and that hint of a smile on your face. He absolutely adored every single thing about you.

Dinner continued, the last question for you about why you chose to do college in New York, which segwayed into a conversation about— well New York. As the others talked about their love for the city, Sebastian wrapped his arm around your shoulders. Your back was now pressed to his chest, both of you not listening to the conversation. You pressed a kiss to his arm and looked back at him.

“Hey you.” You hummed at him rubbing your thumb along his arm.

“Hi.” He gazed down at you with that smile that made his eyes crinkle. The moment was interrupted by your phone ringing. Quickly glancing at the contact ID, it was the hospital pharmacy you interned for.

“You should take that.” Seb whispered into your ear.

“No, Seb that’s rude. We’re at dinner, I’m sure it can wait.”

“I have a good feeling about this call, draga mea.” He coaxed you. Having a feeling that he might be right you excuse yourself from the table. When you’re gone the table goes quiet.

“Sebastian, you’ve got one hell of a girlfriend.” Penélope stated as the rest of the table agreed.

“She’s so smart! What the hell, a doctoral degree? Kudos to her because the amount of motivation I would need to even try!” Jessica followed up with an amazed look on her face.

“I think you guys are forgetting to mention how whipped they both are for each other! Those two were in their own world over there!” Lupita pointed out. The whole table laughed as Sebastian was turning red. Of course he was whipped, he knew he was.

“I love her guys, she’s, she’s something else. The spunk she has, her intelligence, she’s-,” Sebastian began to list but was cut off by Édgar, “Out of your league?”

The whole table burst into laughter as they agreed with Édgar. You were also coming back to the table after your call. Sebastian spotted you, eyes connecting to yours immediately.

“Everything alright?”

“They gave me the permanent job!”

draga mea - my darling 

[trulymadlysydney]

OKAY no one asked and this is long as shit but I have to share my dream because it was SO GOOD and I need you all to suffer with me

So first of all Harry was playing at a university but it was like a small theater, SO of course my ass went, and this has nothing to do with the softness but it was funny because there was like a whole thing where Camille and her friends were gonna go down on the stage and dance with him during Watermelon Sugar just as like a HEY LOOK WE ARE FRIENDS NOW kind of thing I guess fhdjdkdjdhs

Anyway so I went to the show and I  found her sitting in the crowd with sunglasses on lol and for some reason I WENT UP TO HER and I was like “omg are you Camille hi” and I started talking to her lmao but she was super nice to me and she was telling me all about her boyfriend but she was like “I mean hopefully this whole show thing goes over well with everyone... like with me going down there to dance and all” and I was like 🥴 but I was trying to be reassuring like “honestly girl yeah make the girlies jealous it’s what you deserve” and she laughed and she was like “you’re RIGHT it is what I deserve!” which like....  Dream Sydney..... girl....... anyway

So at some point during the show my stupid ass went out to go to the bathroom and when I came out of the bathroom Camille had also left for the bathroom, and security wasn’t letting people back in yet because I guess inside the theater they were filming something.  Idk it was weird like I guess they could only open and close the doors between songs  because they were filming and didn’t want to disrupt? Anyway so Camille and I were sitting and talking outside the doors while we waited and then a huge FIGHT erupted and we were both like oHHHHH BITCH HELLO? And we just watched this fight break out like it was fuckin crazy and someone lit something on fire and the fire alarm went off and we were like well FUCK

So we got separated during the evacuation (this is the end of the Camille portion of my dream lol) and I went into this little room with like church pews and there was only like a handful of people in there so I was like alright I’ll just wait in here.  And a few minutes later IN WALKS MR STYLES HIMSELF!! and he’s like “hi, you guys mind if I join you and wait it out in here?” And all of us are like hello NOT AT ALL COME ON IN

SO he comes in and sits in the pew behind me and all of us are like, trying to remain calm and not make it into a big deal. We’re like just talking to him casually like we’re all just friends. And so at one point he’s talking to the guy next to him so I start talking to the girl next to me and I mention like “man I’m so mad I had to miss that last song cause of the fire drill thing!” 

And for some reason I had my laptop and she was like “it was being live-streamed, I’m sure you could watch it online!” And I laughed and I was like “I mean that’s kind of an overload... I was actually there watching it with my own eyeballs and now I’m sitting here with Harry literally right behind me and I’m gonna watch a Harry video on my laptop?  That’s too much Harry.” And we laughed and then I added “not that my brain isn’t like that 24/7”

And I kinda turned in my seat and I jumped because FUCKIN HARRY HAD MOVED TO SIT RIGHT THE FUCK NEXT TO ME and he was just smiling all smug waiting for me to finish what I was saying ABOUT HIM fl;akdjlk;fjdlkf and I was like “oh my god you scared me” and he laughed and was like “sorry 🙂😋😌”

So he and I started talking and he was like “I mean you can pull it up online if you really want to! You didn’t miss much. I don’t think I sound right tonight anyway... can you tell I have allergies?” And I was like “oh my god what no you don’t sound like you have allergies at all!” And he was all smiley and he was like “what about now?” And made like a gross sniffing noise where you could tell he had a lot of snot.., which dhdjskskshdh why would he do that lmao but I was like “no you still sound fine” and we were cracking up and he did it again and he goes “now?”

Anyway so SOMEHOW we all ended up in a car together because he liked us and was like “you guys wanna just come over and like watch a movie and stuff?” and we were all like HELLO OF COURSE???? SO we’re in this car and I’m sitting in the middle seat and Harry’s on my left and we’re all talking about what movies we like and snacks and stuff like that, and the whole time he’s texting and I’m trying so so hard not to read his texts fjl;dkfldjs BUT HES SO ENGAGED WITH US STILL LIKE WHILE HE’S TEXTING!!! And at some point he said something and I jokingly was like “awwww Harry” and laid my head on his shoulder and HE! LAID! HIS! HEAD! ON! TOP! OF! MINE!!!!!!

AND LIKE you know when you do that with people it usually only lasts a few seconds and then you both move? He did not move like he just kept it there with NO SIGN of moving so in my head I’m like alright I live here now!!! 

So he like sighed and was like “I’m trying to get my mom’s login information so we can watch this one movie but she’s like, not making sense....” and the bitch HANDS ME HIS PHONE and is like “Like, read this and tell me if this makes sense to you.” So FIRST OF ALL I accidentally saw some of his other messages and like ALL of his contacts had emojis by their names or like funny nicknames  and in my head I’m like ..... do I tell tumblr about the emojis or do I keep this to myself fd;kafdslfj and I ultimately decided to just keep it to myself sorry yall

So I read through his texts with Anne and he was like asking her for her login information for this movie app thing and she sent this long ass message like “Oh my gosh, son you are so blessed, we were watching you on the tv and we could not have been more proud. Linda came over tonight and sends her love! Did you know she’s a Libra also? Anyway, you should watch xyz movie (I don’t remember the title she put) because we watched it the other night and it was good!” And Harry had replied something like “did daddy like the movie as well?” And I guess in my dream Robin was alive and that’s who Harry was referring to 🥺

And I started laughing and he did too and he shook his head and was like “I love her but I just need the login information” And I was like “Libra moms, am I right?” And he was cracking up and he was like “Libra moms.” And his head was STILL ON MINE and he reached over and put his hand on my knee and kinda squeezed a little AND THEN MY FUCKIN ALARM WENT OFFFFFFF IM SO UPSET 

[aquaticalay]

Siren .Chapter Three.

Bucky Barnes x Sonic Screaming!Reader

Summary: Bucky Barnes fancies you, a singer who performs at a local bar every Monday and Friday night. After a few months of attending your gigs, Bucky finally got the chance to talk to you. One problem: you are New York's sonic screaming vigilante. And the avengers have been trying to figure out who you are for months. (Post-Endgame)

Warning/s for this chapter : cursing lol, mentions of violence

Warning/s for the series: cursing, violence, eventual smut (which you can skip)

Word count: 1800+ 

Disclaimer: I do not own the Marvel characters. 

Note: I'm uploading on mobile for the third time, still won't show up in the tags. Help

I will post a new chapter every two days. Let me know if you'd like to be on the taglist!

"This person did what?" Sam asked, making sure if he heard Bucky correctly. The two of them were in the Avengers meeting room the next morning.

"Screamed," He confirmed. "And it was inhuman. Even I hurt all over."

Sam studied the gun he brought back, then looked back at Bucky, an interrogative look on his face. 

"What?" Bucky furrowed his eyebrows, "You don't believe me? Well–"

"Oh, I believe you," Sam said blankly, "In the last three months, there have been five reports on a high pitched noise. In the Bronx, Queens, Brooklyn, and Newark. The fifth was from Harlem last night, your encounter," Sam breathed, "I have been looking into it alone. I thought it was some sort of device. I… didn't even think it might be a person."

Bucky's finger anxiously tapped on the table. He hadn't seen who the person was. The hood she was wearing had given the person the features of a shadow— it's like they weren't even real. It was ghostly, the way they disappeared. 

"If you find this… Siren, tell me. I want to be the one to find them," Bucky demanded, and he wasn't taking no for an answer.

-

You were the first to wake up. Still in the apartment, you noticed everyone around you was a mess, sleeping and snoring like college kids after a long night of partying. Vince and Luna stayed up until four, both of them in a state of panic. They were worried about getting caught, even after Lando reassured them that it was incredibly hard to track you, thanks to the layers and layers of security that he has set for your online presence. Lando fell asleep on the computer desk, after a long night of fortifying the security.

You decided to leave them a note saying that you were going home. You changed into a white shirt and sweatpants, stuffing all your things in a duffel bag.

You took the subway to Manhattan, where your apartment was.

Your home was not small— not at all. 

It was a penthouse in the center of Manhattan, but some sort of guilt always haunted you when you step in. The penthouse wasn't yours, not really. You inherited it from your father, who was allegedly killed after he created you.

You've always loved to sing, ever since you were a child. Three years ago, a desperate ex-KGB spy, who has descended into madness, held you hostage in exchange for your father's money. When he found out your father has secretly contacted the police, he slit your throat, then commited suicide by stabbing himself.

They were able to salvage your life, but your vocal cords has been badly damaged, and every doctor you met told you the damage was beyond repair. You couldn't even talk, let alone sing. 

Your father one of the four founders of Viseur Corps, a scientific research corporation. The other three owners were parents of Vince, Luna, and Lando.

Your father urged a bioengineering project to fix your vocal cords called project 'vox.' After a year of extensive surgeries, you could finally speak again. 

The side effect, however, was unexpected. 

A small miscalculation allowed your vocal cords to vibrate at the speed of sound itself, sometimes even faster.

A week after, all four scientists were found dead, cyanide poison in their systems, and the bioactive particles and chemical radiation used to restore your vocal cords has been stolen. Thankfully, without a proper application method, the sonic characteristics of the vocal cords were hard to replicate. Hard, but not impossible.

The killer has never been found. Two years later, the sonic formula finally popped up in your radar. If you got the formula, you could stop anyone else from weaponizing the vox formula, and you could finally track the murderer. 

You laid down on the couch, feeling utterly useless. You've got a gig to play a day after tomorrow, you could get some well-needed rest today. One problem: you could not rest. Not mentally. The burden of being somewhat responsible for your own father’s death, and your inability to catch the murderer so far has urged you to do more physical activities. Running, swimming, anything to get your mind off the stress. It has been an effective way to deal with negative energy.

You took a shower, and decided to go for a jog. You had your earphones embedded in into your earlobes, shielding you from any conversation attempt. It was a nice day. The sun was not too bright, the wind was not too hard. In the middle of your run, the music stopped. The tune changed into your ringtone, and you slowed down to look at your phone. It was Lando.

You stopped running altogether and started walking as you answered the call.

“Hey,” you greeted. 

“(Y/n),” he said over the line. You could tell he was tired, “Got home safe?” 

"Yeah," you told him shortly, "What's up?" 

"You're on the news," he told you urgently, "well, not you. The other guy. You know, your alter ego.."

"Shit," you whispered, "How bad is it?"

"It's the headline on every news channel," he said worriedly.

As you were approaching a cafè, you did not hesitate to go in. You saw a TV in the corner, and sure enough, there was footage of your confrontation with James Barnes on the screen.

'The Avengers has started a nationwide manhunt for what they call 'The Siren,' said a reporter.

"(Y/n)?" Lando said through the phone. You were struck, you forgot you were still on the phone.

You snapped back to life, "I'll call you back."

Without waiting for an answer, you turned off the call.

You were in the middle of the cafè staring at the TV.

So yeah, some people were already looking at you funny.

When you noticed, you decided to get coffee. It would be weird just to burst in, stare at the TV, and just leave. You ordered a latte and took a seat, where you had a good view of the screen.

You listened intently, taking a good sip of your coffee.

They were describing what they could about your physical features, but with your suit on, the description weren't very accurate.

When you felt a hand on your shoulder, you froze.

"I didn't expect to see you here," said James Barnes. He was wearing a dark denim jacket and jeans, but he was missing his gloves and sunglasses.

He wasn't in 'disguise.’ He wasn’t trying to hide his identity, unlike last night.

Some people looked at him and whispered in awe that there was an avenger in the room, but no one really said anything. He still had his metal arm in his pocket, but it was probably more of a habit than a conscious act.

"Hi," you managed to give a smile. He ran his human fingers through his brown locks of hair nervously, "Do you mind if I…" he pointed to the empty seat in front of you. You tried your best not to panic, "Go ahead."

He sat, a paper cup of coffee on his hand.

Your heart was beating fast, thumping out of your chest. What if he found out it was you? What if he knew? What if he was here to confront your identity as the so-called 'Siren' the news has been talking about?

"Busy day, huh?" You said without thinking, tilting your chin towards the TV. 

"Oh, right," Barnes said, pleasantly surprised that you knew who he was.

You had to hold back a sigh of relief. He didn't know it was you. You had to make sure it stayed that way.

"Yeah, I didn't recognize you last night, James," you forced a smile, but it came out sincere, "probably because of the sunglasses, and it was dark, too." 

"I don't blame you," he let out a hearty laugh, "and please, call me Bucky."

"Well, Bucky," you said, and you have to admit your mouth liked the sound of his name, "what brings you here?" 

He shrugged nonchalantly, "I come here every once in a while. Best coffee in all of New York," He sipped his coffee again, "and you?"

"Just passing by," you told him. In your defense, it was the truth, to some degree.

"I've been meaning to tell you," he said, and you could've sworn his cheeks turned a slightly redder shade, "you have a great voice."

"Thanks," you chuckled, and this time, you didn't need to fake it, "I try."

"No, really," he insisted, "and your performance was incredible. How long have you been doing this?"

Somehow, this was the beginning of a long chat, way longer than you expected. You were trapped in a three-hour long conversation with the charming man. Little by little, your worries fade away until it completely disappeared. You started enjoying his presence, laughing at his childhood stories as well as telling your own. 

Before you knew it, it was four in the afternoon.

"I probably need to get back," he said, a tinge of disappointment in his voice. He masked it quickly with a curve on his lips.

"Oh," you said, followed with a smile, "See you around?" You asked with uncertainty.

"I hope so," he gave you a smile and walked out the cafè. You watched him go through the window, where he gave you one last small adorable wave. You found yourself giggling, waving back.

When he was nowhere out of sight, you noticed a scribble on your napkin. It was Bucky's number, followed with an old fashioned handwriting. 'Text me?'

-

You did not text him right away. You found yourself pacing back and forth in your apartment, frustrated. You had a good time. Such a great time, in fact, that you forgot he was in the middle of hunting you down.

Was it a smart move? You tried to convince yourself that it was a good idea. That this could be one one of those 'hiding in plain sight' tactics. He would never suspect someone he knew, right?

You flopped down on the couch, and grabbed your phone. You already saved his number. All you needed to do was type out the words.

'Hey, James. This is (Y/n). Got your number :)' 

You hit send, telling yourself again and again that this was a good idea. It probably wasn't, but you only told yourself what you wanted to hear.

-

"You seem happy," Sam teased, raising eyebrows at Bucky, who just entered the room. Bucky shrugged, "Maybe I want to be happy."

"Whoa, what?" Sam said. Was this Bucky? Sam wondered, The same anti-social Bucky who only drank black coffee and only expressed his true emotions once in a blue moon?

"What's going on, man?" Sam urged, grinning at his friend's joy, which radiated in his smile.

"You know that bar I've been going to?" Bucky asked. Sam nodded, "The Mermaid- something? Didn't you say you've been crushing on a singer there for months?"

Bucky nodded, "I met her at a cafe," he beamed, "I spent some time getting to know her."

"That's what I'm talking about!" Sam jokingly exclaimed, "Old man Barnes is back it the game, folks!"

Bucky chuckled, hoping to get a notification sometime soon.

A few hours later, his phone gave off a little noise. For the first time in a long time, he couldn't stop smiling.

-

@thejourneyneverendsx @ispepeagain @magykal-777 @sfxsucker @moli1497 @justanothergirlwithdemons @ciochesono @allonszassbutt @hennessy0274-blog @chubby-dumplin @talk-geek-to-me @sebastian-i-stan @iwishthatiwasbuckysgirl @thelureabove @womanontheedgeofnothing @snugglemedaddy @perrythefrickinplatypus @missursulacalmet @angryknightstatesmantrash

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #283

“if teardrops could be bottled, there’d be swimming pools filled by models”

How much would you tip a waiter or waitress for good service? I honestly don’t even know the proper etiquette of tipping because I almost never ever have been in a sit-down restaurant where I’ve paid because of the whole “I don’t have an income” thing. If for whatever reason I did, I would have asked the person with me how. I do (maybe…) believe however that there should be a baseline for how much you tip, even if your experience is somewhat unpleasant. You don’t know what that person is going through that day. If it’s just pure awful, then I might not tip at all, but I think I’d honestly feel way too guilty. Who is your favorite character from the television sitcom Friends? I don’t watch it. Whose name might you have tattooed on your body? None. Well, I guess if I had hypothetical kids, I might, especially as a tribute if they died. What is something that you always need to leave plugged in? I always at least have my laptop charger plugged into the wall, but not always into my computer as to not totally kill the battery. I just need it a lot because I’m only always on it. Who might you send a selfie to? I don’t send them to anyone, really, save for specific occasions. I just take selfies once in a blue moon to change my Facebook picture, honestly. I feel weird just sending people pictures of me because I feel like I’m screaming, “HEY LOOK AND COMPLIMENT ME!!!!!!!!!”, so it makes me uncomfortable. I only did semi-recently because my friend did my makeup for a Halloween shoot and for once in my goddamn life I felt really pretty so sent it to Sara. Name an item in or on your bed every night. My phone is on the right upper corner of my bed so I can check it when I wake up; I always wake up throughout the night and wanna know what time it is. Out of your work shift, how much time do you spend doing “actual work”? Well one, define “actual work,” but odds are almost zero because I don’t have shit to do. How long do your New Years resolutions typically last? I don’t make ‘em. Who would you call first after getting engaged to tell them the news? Most likely Mom. What’s the song that reminds you of the person you like?Okay so deadass I listened to NSP’s “Wish You Were Here” cover recently and kinda cried lol. Are you good at holding back your tears? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Have you ever sacrificed something important to you for someone you love? My goddamn sanity. How many jobs do you have? None. Do you have any memories you want to erase? There’s one occasion with Jason I wish I could forget so, so badly. Do you believe in the phrase “If it’s meant to be, it will be”? No. I don’t believe in pre-determined destinies and such, and thus I don’t see anything as “meant” and “not meant” to be. Do you believe in destiny? Wow, good timing lmao. Do you believe that things will get better? I like to think so. Have you ever drunk dialed someone? No. Have you ever worn a tiara? Haha, I think on my 18th birthday maybe, my friend Summer came with us to dinner and brought me a birthday tiara. If someone offered to take you out for your birthday, where would you decide to go? I almost always go to Olive Garden for dinner. But, after trying the Cheesecake Factory for the first time… *eyes emoji* If you plan to have kids, what will you tell them about Santa Clause? I’m not having kids, but hypothetically, I’d let them believe it. It’s so magical as a kid and brings so much excitement. I’d tell them the truth when it feels appropriate, and if I know they’re not the type to go telling other kids for no reason “HEY MY MOM SAID SANTA’S NOT REAL SO UR DUMB.” I’d be damned if they ruined it for other children. If you have ever been employed, have you ever been attracted to your boss? What about a co-worker? Not that I remember. Do [would] you avoid kissing your [possibly hypothetical] significant other when you or they are ill? Look man I made out with my ex while he was recovering from bronchitis before we knew it wasn’t contagious so OOPS yeah because I am 110% the “if you’re sick, I’m sick” dumbass all the while going FULL Mom Mode taking care of the person. What was the last thing you bought, other than food? With my own money, that is a daaaamn good question. I only really use it/am given it for food. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? No. Who was the last person you Facebook messaged? Do you know what that person is doing at this moment? My mom. She’s in the living room watching TV, probably. Think back to the last time you cried, or felt like crying. Who or what helped you to feel better? My mom. Do you own any accessories with your name or initial on them? No, they don’t appeal to me. Is there someone of the opposite sex that knows everything, or almost everything, about you? I would say Jason, but we haven’t seen or spoken to each other for almost four years, and I’m a much different person by now, and I’m sure he is, too. Do you remember the last time you cried because you missed someone? A few weeks back I had a breakdown over Jason again. My PTSD was and still is being pretty rough lately. Are your eyes the same color as your sibling(s)? Just my brother. Anything in your room that you’re hiding from your parents, or someone else? No. What’s your most noticeable flaw? Thinking about it, probably my extreme aversion to conflict. I will BOLT from confrontation. And what’s your best feature? I’m extremely empathetic. Have you ever hallucinated? Yeah; I would see shadows move when I was coming off a certain med. Do you have fangirl-ish tendencies? ………………. Have you ever replied “OK” when someone confessed they liked you? Wow, no. Either admit reciprocated feelings or gently turn them down. The Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, or The Beatles? OHHHHHHHH BUDDY. Led Zeppelin, I think… but maybe the Stones. Idk. What would you do for immortality and infinite youth? Nothing. Would you rather have a pool or a hot tub? A pool. Is your handwriting legible? Yes. Well, some people find it slightly difficult because it’s kinda fancy. Have you ever held a baby chick? Yes! Do you think ‘everything bagels’ are disgusting? I’m not a fan. Do you live with anyone that you try to avoid at all costs? No. What did you last get upset about? How incredibly fuckin weak my body is. When is the last time you personally made someone else cry? I don’t know. How many more people do you think you’ll kiss before you die? Hopefully only one. I do NOT want to deal with anymore heartbreak, nor do I want to waste anymore time with someone I’m not going to spend the rest of my life with. Are you more spiritual or religious? Spiritual. Ever been to a rave? Nooooo, most definitely not my scene. Are you afraid to name the person you talk the most shit about? No. Song playing right now? I’m listening to “PRESIDENT X” by 3TEETH rn. Have you ever laughed at someone because they had a funny name? No, that’s incredibly rude. Speaking of names, why do celebrities always call their kids stupid ones? They’re not all “stupid”…? There are some beautiful names I’ve heard. It’s none of my business why others’ children are named what they are. Do you get car sick easily? I don’t. Do you think you’re a good conversationalist? Why is that? NO. I’m just awkward and don’t know what to talk about or what to say back to people a lot. Awhile back though my friend Ian told me I was actually a really nice one and it meant a LOT to me. Hearing someone say that reassured me a little bit. Have you ever been on a float in a parade? What were you doing on it? No. Have you ever been in a helicopter? No. Have you ever had chicken pox? No. Who is your favorite animated character? Oh boy that’s hard man, idk. Maybe Ninetales, at least aesthetically. Idk about as characters themselves. Is it easy to make you gag? Yeah. Who’s your favorite Disney character? Probably Scar. Would you rather have a pet crocodile or a pet octopus? I deadass kinda want a caiman lol. It’s something I doubt I’ll actually do, though. Do you like Ritz crackers? Yeah. Do you have any designer clothing? If so what brand? No. Were you afraid of the dark when you were little? Not very, no. What are your opinions on war in general? It’s fucking awful and could be avoided if people weren’t so goddamn hasty, selfish, and uncompromising, among many other adjectives. Do you like pretzels? Yessss, especially soft ones. Have you ever wanted to be a writer? Yeah, tons of times in my life on-and-off. Did you even vote? This is the very first year I actually did. I felt really bad for not acting, only complaining about my government, and “silence speaks” was heavy on my head. Did some research to educate myself, and I felt amazing afterwards. What is your favorite flavor of gum? Usually watermelon. Are you wearing any bandaids? If so, where and why? No. Do you currently have any bruises on you? No. Do you/did you like or dislike school? I always hated it. Are you currently wearing any lotion? No. Do you ever make recipes found online? What was the last one? I don’t cook, so… but there sure are some that look good. If you smoke weed, what do you usually do after you get high? If you don’t, what would you do if everyone around you were smoking? I never have, so I wouldn’t know. Haha, for the second half, sit there awkwardly… been there once. What’s the last thing you ordered online? The next Wings of Fire book. Starting Sunny’s story now. Tell me about your favorite dress. I had this spring dress in high school that was white with purple skulls on it in a floral design… It was really cute and just has a special memory tied to it. Have you ever slept in a waterbed? If so, what was it like? Yeah, that used to be considered “fun” as a kid. They’re not awful, but not that comfortable either, and if I remember well, it’s easy to get sweaty because of the material. How many floors does your house have? Just one. Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Yes. Do you enjoy sappy love songs? Hell yeah I do. Do you ever buy the same shirt in different colors? Simple tank tops, yeah. Ever made out on a rooftop? Damn dude no I’d be paranoid of falling off lmao. One place you will never eat at? Arby’s. If someone went through your pictures, would they find a "bad" one? Nope.

[starlight-matrix]

Nabari no Ou 15th Anniversary!

@nabaridays wrote up some prompts to celebrate the 15th anniversary of NnO and as it’s my favorite manga series of all time, I had to join the fun!

Unfortunately, I wasn’t aware of the prompts’ existence until we were about four or five days in, so instead of starting in the middle of the prompt list, I wrote all mine up in a Google Doc and decided to do a big masterpost in the day of the anniversary. And here it is! Beware for a lot of reading, this shit’s at 4.1k words.

- Catherine Lynne / catielynnelove.tumblr.com Fan of NnO since 2012 -

DAY 01 (Jun. 3rd) - Favorites

My favorite character has always been Miharu, though I do struggle to choose between him and Yoite. I have always been fascinated by his apathetic nature, the way he uses is as a shield while loving the people in his life so incredibly fiercely. He appears neutral and uncaring, but the moment you look beneath the surface, you recognize that he would give his life for those he loves in a heartbeat - and has shown this on multiple occasions.

I also love his development over the series. His apathetic facade slowly falls out of use after he meets Yoite, and he learns that feeling your emotions is important, that letting the people you love know when you’re happy or sad or pissed the fuck off is important.

In the first few chapters we as readers honestly can’t tell a whole heck of a lot from what we’re shown of Miharu. He’s plain, uninteresting, even to us (unless you’re the kind of person who automatically reads between the lines, but let’s face it, not a lot of people are). But by the end of the series, he’s such a vibrant and expressive character that I marvel at Kamatani’s ability to drastically a character’s personality in a way that feels so gradual and natural.

Another reason Miharu is my favorite character is because I tend to see parts of myself in him, as many people do with the characters they like most. I can understand and relate to his apathy in the beginning of the story. His memory of his parents deaths is so deeply traumatic and that the very fibre of his being (objectively, Shinra) locked the memory, and most of his childhood, away for years to come. Because at that time in his life, the pain of it all would’ve broken him.

(E/N: I now remember that Asahi actually erased Miharu’s memories of that event, but I think a good chunk of this will still make sense, and I’m lazy, so I’m not gonna edit it out. Enjoy.)

Emotions, especially ones he didn’t understand - or couldn’t understand, like his feelings toward his childhood that didn’t quite make sense because of his augmented memories - were simply so overwhelming that Miharu pretty much just went “lol don’t wanna deal with those so yEET now they’re gone” and locked them up in a box to be dealt with at a much, much later date. That speaks to me, as a person who has struggled with depression, and the fact that he finds a way to recover from this is very reassuring.

Overall, Miharu is a very complex and realistic character that undergoes more vivid character development than I’ve seen in almost any western media. I love him very much.

DAY 02 (Jun. 4th) - What got you into Nabari no Ou?

This is actually quite a funny story, so buckle up for a wild ride y’all!

When I was 12 years old (God, this sounds like the setup for an angsty villain backstory), my family had a housemate who liked anime. One day I came to beg for him to let me use his video game console to play Little Big Planet and he happened to be watching the second half of the anime - I distinctly remember the second Alya Academy episode being the first one I ever saw. It was my first anime experience outside of a Studio Ghibli film, and to this day remains close to my heart, even though the anime adaptation itself really… just… well, it sucked.

After I finished watching it with him, I went and found the first half of the series on Netflix (back when Netflix did the whole send-a-DVD-to-your-house thing) and watched the whole thing from episode one. And then very quickly became obsessed. I probably watched the anime four times in two months. I had every single one of the English VAs names memorized. I was dedicated.

Eventually I looked up the manga online, and HOO BOI, this is the point where my Nabari no Ou origin story becomes ridiculously hilarious (and stupid).

When I read the manga, I was disturbed by the idea of Kouichi being a villain-type character, as he had been one of my favorites when I watched the anime. And, at the time I was first reading the manga, the apparent “ending” from my perspective was the scene where Kouichi takes the newly-made hijutsu scroll from a bleeding, dying Thobari.

Looking back, I figure the website I was reading it on just didn’t have all the chapters, or perhaps I had happened to start reading while the manga was on hiatus, but at that age I didn’t know of or understand either of those concepts and accepted that sad scene as the end of the manga.

And as such, I wrote the manga off as terrible and ignored it for years.

Flash forward to about 2014, two or three years after writing the manga off as a Fat Mistake, I finally decided to give it another shot. And BY GOD did I cry reading it a second time. Whether it was the two years of maturity, my experiences during those two years, or simply the fact that I read the whole thing that time - I was sobbing in my desk chair over NnO.

It was the most beautiful story I’d ever read. Even now, after five more years of reading beautiful manga, Nabari no Ou remains my absolute favorite, and likely always will.

DAY 03 - What are your favorite scenes?

I’ve always had a soft spot for the Alya Academy arc, even back when all I’d shunned the manga and all I had to go off of was the inaccurate anime adaptation, simply because of how well the character relationships are shown during those sequences (this is one thing the anime did really well in my opinion, actually - Shijima’s verbal reflection on how humans connect to each other and how important those connections are is stunning). Not to mention the displays of how the characters care for one another regardless of what side of the war they’re technically on.

I’ve always loved Subaru as a character, too. I find her motivations to be very realistic and really quite understandable, and I love the little easter eggs in later chapters that imply the Kouga ninja are helping Miharu’s side of the fight even though they’re not visibly involved. The scores from the Alya Academy arc are especially chilling and memorable as well.

Another of my favorites are the chapters following Miharu and Yoite’s escape from the Kairoshuu and their travels afterward. They feel mundane and peaceful, yet blanketed with this layer of grief, like we’re all aware that at any moment their calm could be destroyed and lost forever.  

The scenes about Yoite’s gender were very special to me as a teen still learning about the LGBT spectrum and how different people could be, and the scene of Yoite bandaging Miharu’s aching feet? My heart literally swells every single time I think about it! It was so sweet and loving, my fragile fangirl heart does flips when I read over it.

DAY 04 (Jun. 6th) - Photos & Fashion

I like to think that Miharu keeps every photograph he’s taken and has them stored safely away in a box or chest or drawer. In my experience, people who have lost loved ones tend to treasure photographs, more than someone who hasn’t experienced loss might. A lot of times a photo is all someone has of someone they loved outside of a memory, and contrary to popular belief, if you don’t look at someone - physically or in a photo - for a long time, you do forget how they look.

Miharu has lost many people: his parents, Yoite, Kouichi and Shijima, even Shinra, in a way - so I imagine this observation would be doubly true of him. Especially if he has Yukimi as an example to go by - pretty sure that guy has kept every photograph he’s ever taken in his life!

(As far as fashion goes, I honestly think everyone’s fashion in NnO is horrendous, so...)

DAY 05 (Jun. 7th) - Favorite character design in the series?

Gosh, it’s hard to choose, I love so many of them! Gau is fascinating to me because I figure his hair must be difficult to draw, with all those little curls and cowlicks. Shijima’s too, with the way it frames her face and leaves just a tiny little opening for her eyes to peer out at you through.

But, as with most of these character-specific prompts, my answer will have to be Miharu. The idea that Asahi reshaped his face to look more like her own when she used Shinra to save him is very interesting, and the fact that Kamatani manages to draw Miharu in a way that both clearly shows their resemblance to one another and establishes Miharu as his own character with his own unique features and gestures and ways of carrying himself is incredible.

Miharu’s stance are also very telling to me as a reader: he often stands loosely, almost lazily, as if he really couldn’t care less about where he is and what they’re doing, which rings true for a good chunk of the story. It matches well with his (mostly) fake apathy and kind of makes him seem bland and boring as a character. But as the story progresses, he becomes more open, shows affection more easily. He’s quicker to stand up for his beliefs and the people he loves. All of this shows in the way he carries himself throughout later chapters.

DAY 06 (Jun. 8th) - Favorite location in the series?

The Shimizu estate, without a doubt.

The secluded area, the forest in every direction, the house itself - it’s all so beautiful to me. Ot gives me the feeling of rural Japan and more traditional Japanese living. Even after the house has burned away and all that’s left is a field full of Spider Lilies, there’s a kind of sober beauty lying over the place, made even more intense when Shirogamon stands watch over it.

DAY 07 (Jun. 9th) - Positive Influences

The thing that I preach about the most when I talk about NnO to others is the fact that the series has no absolutes. There is no true right or wrong, no clear villains nothing that actually puts our heroes above anyone else. Which, in a way, means that are really are no heroes in the story at all, which is a very rare and interesting way to tell a story.

The entire series deal with a greyscale in morality. There’s no bad vs. good or moral vs. immoral, just your own goals and people whose goals don’t match yours. Opinions and ambitions differ vastly even between people on the same side of the fight - Thobari and Raimei want to seal the Shinrabanshou, Kouichi wants to use it to defeat his immortality, Miharu even changes side on a few occasions - yet they all work together together to achieve their own very different ends.

Even those who can be coded as villain on the surface have something motivating them to do what they do, and more often than not, those motivations are understandable to the reader and actually have you sympathizing with the character. Hattori wanted to rid the world of the need for war. Subaru wanted to save the person she loved most in the world. Yamase wanted to win his family back (I think? It’s been a while).

Even Katarou and Kannuki, two characters who have practically nothing to redeem them, at least have motivations that are pretty damn realistic. Kannuki wanted to capitalize on Kouga’s Forbidden Art and use it to grow Alya Academy’s profit and power through the surface world. A Lot of people are like this in real life, and while you may not sympathize with him over it, it is a motivation that is true of our own world as well as the one in this story.

An Katarou, as far as I understand, is obsessed with Shinra herself, rather than the hijutsu and the power it holds. He manipulated hundreds of people and hundreds of situations to suit his own needs, then literally got himself killed - just to see her one last time. And… yeah, I don’t think anyone really sympathized with him, but hey, I can see what pushed him to do what he did.

To me, Katarou is symbolic of someone with an addiction - their mind is so clouded by a need for some specific thing that all other human aspects of that person just fall away, and they’ll do whatever it takes to get what they want.

I also appreciate how the characters handle their differences throughout the story. Their honesty with each other, the way they support each other even when they’re all heading in opposite direction. The Alya Academy arc (I really love this arc okay) especially shows this, in how the ninja from Banten and Kairoshuu - two very opposing factions - fight together against the Kouga without hesitation, despite the fact that in most other situations, they’d be fighting each other.

It’s a wonderful thing to promote: that even though people might have different opinions or goals, it doesn’t mean they have to hate each other.

DAY 08 (Jun. 10th) - Favorite Extra?

I am IN LOVE with the little between-chapter 4koma pieces, especially the ones from the Alya Academy arc (God, I’ve talked so much about this arc). Subaru fantasizing about Miharu being her little brother and making her birthday cake? Adorable. Miharu and Yoite getting stuck behind a bookshelf and terrifying an opponent by asking for help out? Hilarious.

I love that Kamatani put those in, both as a peek into happier aspects of the world he created, and as a way to add a bit of sun in between the much darker, much sadder chapters.

DAY 09 (Jun. 11th) - Headcanons

I’m not much of a headcanon person, to be honest, and especially not with this series. It feels off to me, to try and add to something that’s already so perfect. However, I do agree with a couple of headcanons I’ve seen - particularly the ones theorizing that Yukimi is aro-ace. It makes a lot of sense to me in how his character is portrayed when nearly every other character in the series has a romantic match, and as an ace person myself, more representation is always welcome.

DAY 10 (Jun. 12th) - Alternate Universe

I once started (and quickly abandoned out of shame) a very cringey, very out-of-character fanfic, in which the Nabari world didn’t exist and all the characters meet through natural means in the surface world. Other than that, however, I’ve not put much thought into Nabari no Ou AUs.

But something I would LOVE to see is a crossover between NnO and Shimanami Tasogare, as the two stores canonically take place in the same location - NnO being in Banten, a fictional town  based on the real town of Onomichi, and Shimanami Tasogare being confirmed to take place in plain old Onomichi itself. It’s been a while since I’ve read Shimanami Tasogare, but I remember the leader/owner of the little house the cast gathers in as giving me a distinctly Nabari-world vibe, and I think it would be interesting to see the NnO characters react to a community like the one presented in Shimanami Tasogare.

(And also perhaps have some romantic relationships and sexualities proven canon. Perhaps.)

DAY 11 (Jun. 13th) - Favorite song from the OST?

It’s a firm tie between the opening theme and the second ending theme. I have every song in the OST memorized after years of hearing them day in and day out, but those two themes always give me this tingling nostalgic feeling, like rereading a book from your childhood or finding a toy as an adult that you’d thought was lost forever. The animation and symbolism in those themes are also very telling of the series and the character’s connections to each other (a bit obviously, at times), and the lyrics are special to me in a way I can’t describe. They’re precious to me, and  to me experience of NnO as a whole, considering I started with the anime first (a bad idea).

DAY 12 (Jun. 14th) - Are there any songs that make you think of NnO?

“Neopolitan Dreams” by Lisa Mitchell ( X ) ( X )

I once watched a cute Raimei/Kouichi AMV set to this song listened to the lyrics, I understood how the author had put them together. I very much feel like the lyrics echo Raimei’s thoughts on how Kouichi starts to act in later chapters, becoming more and more distant until he almost appears to be an antagonist rather than one of the perceived heroes. The song also makes me think of Raimei’s stubbornness and pride, her unwillingness to accept option besides her own conclusions until she’s had the full story and nothing less.

I can never get their faces out of my head while listening to this song, which I guess means the song reminds me more of Raimei and Kouichi than NnO in general, but it still counts, right?

DAY 13 (Jun. 15th) - Food

I’ve never really thought too hard on it, but now that I am, it’s actually very interesting to note how different characters use food - the Rokujo Okonomiyaki shop, in particular - to their advantage.

Thobari uses his (implied, before the start of the overall plot) regular visits to try and get Miharu to believe him about the Shinrabanshou and the Nabari world. Thobari uses the close proximity to explain his motives to Miharu, who physically cannot leave the situation, lest the food burn to a damn crisp (and I figure Naoko wouldn’t be pleased if that happened every time Thobari came in). He also very clearly uses this to keep tabs on Miharu when outside of a school setting where Miharu has no choice to be in Thobari’s sight, and later, as a way to either catch up on what’s going on in the Nabari world or - as in several cases - simply demand answers from Miharu.

Raimei uses the shop as a way to get closer to Miharu. She charms her way into getting free food (and sometimes, free lodging as well) and I assume her thinking is probably something on the lines of “Free Food + Spend Time With Miharu = Information on Where Raikou Might Be.” Of course, this likely isn’t her motive in later chapters, because, well, character development.

Food is also an important bonding thing for Yoite and Yukimi. In a lot of the scenes where we see Yoite and Yukimi in their home, they’re eating together, and I always took it as a display of their familial relationship - cooking dinner for Yoite the way a dutiful older sibling would for their younger sibling - thoughI doubt either of them would admit they’re like brothers. The significance of lemonade should also be noted for this topic - I could go on for ages about it.

(But I won’t unless people ask me to, because this piece is long enough already!)

I don’t have much memory of this scene being as big a deal in the manga as it was in the anime - but I also haven’t seen either in a while, so I could be wrong - but the birthday cake scene from the latter half of the anime left an impact on me even back when I’d only seen the anime, and it was the first thing that came to mind when I saw the prompt was “food.” Gau’s pride in the cake he made and his determination to get any kind of praise out of Yoite is very touching, especially when you take into account that Yoite literally saved Gau’s life, and that Gau knows this, as well.

The Kairoshuu - particularly Yukimi, Raikou, Gau, and Kazuho - are all shown bonding on more than one occasion at Kazuho and her husband’s sushi shop, and there is significance to those occasions in the rather heavy conversations they have during those visits. And there’s also the time Miharu cooked okonomiyaki for all the main Kairoshuu member after he’d first joined their clan - similar to how a recently hired employee would bring cookies for their new boss.

Food has a lot of significance in Nabari no Ou, no matter where you look.

DAY 14 (Jun. 16th) - Favorite village, and thoughts on the Forbidden Arts?

As far as morals and motivations go, I would have to choose Banten, as their (or at least Thobari’s) main opinion is that the Shinrabanshou shouldn’t be used because it throws off the balance of the universe. I definitely understand this opinion, because a lot of things can go wrong if the wrong kind of person is making wishes to Shinra and having them granted.

Although, I think that if anyone were to use the ability in a way that leaves the balance of the world intact, it would be Miharu, and this is even shown in the series itself. He doesn’t have the kind of greed or anger that would taint a person’s motivations when making their wishes, he just wants to do what is best for others- especially Yoite. Yoite is important to him, and therefore Yoite’s wish is also important to Miharu. And, as we see in later chapters, Miharu puts granting Yoite’s wish above even his own happiness. I feel I would make a similar decision were I in his shoes.

(For aesthetic, though, I’d choose Fuuma. Their village is hidden and surrounded by forest and in that lovely traditional Japanese style, and their uniforms are great. If Saraba were Chief I’d join.)

DAY 15 (Jun. 17th) - Favorite minor/supporting character

Gau! Definitely Gau! Gosh I love him so much. He’s optimistic and tries his best to look for the best in situations and in people, and his smile is so freaking sunshiney, I bet he lights up rooms with it. He’s awkward and quirky and I can relate so hard. But he’s also strong? He stands up to other ninja even though he really doesn’t have the physical ability to defend himself or others. He puts his life in danger to tell Raimei the truth about her family immediately after swearing silence to Raikou, his boss, who could 100% kill him if he found out Gau had broken his promise. And I bet you Gau would’ve told Raikou about him telling Raimei as soon as he’d gone home, if the bullshit at the Shimizu property hadn’t gone down the way it did.

And speaking of that scene- he throws himself in front of Raikou’s katana to save the life of a girl he hadn’t known for more than a day, who had threatened to kill him, who was seeking to kill the person he treasured most in the world. Who does that?! Gau apparently. He literally gives his life for just the possibility that Raikou and Raimei can make up and be happy siblings again. He gives his life so that the person he loves can maybe reconcile with someone else they loved.

He makes a conscious effort to include Yoite in conversations in which he would otherwise be largely ignored, and while I doubt Yoite would care either way, it’s the thought that counts, right? And, at least in the anime (it’s been a while since I read the manga) he puts his life on the line to help Yoite and Miharu even though, as I said before, he can’t really defend himself all that well.

Basically, I’m in love with Gau and want him to be happy. Sweet baby!

DAY 16 (Jun. 18th) - Free Day

I don’t really have anything else to say but I’m posting all of these today (I was late for the original posting by like four days so I figured I’d write them all out and post them together) so I’ll count this as my day 16 entry! Thank you so much if you’ve read this far, I know it was probably daunting to look at this long as fucking post but I’m glad you took the time to read my personal reflection on NnO! This manga means a lot to me and it’s nice to discover other people who love it as much as I do (I’ve literally met two people in my entire life who’ve read it without me suggesting it).

Keep the love going y’all, I hope to see you again! And feel free to hit me up if you’d like to talk about NnO, I’d love to connect with other fans! Seeya owo

[latinalesbi]

you don't know maybe we'll see long-term lesbian couples on tv in the future. people are sick of lesbian shows with crazy, convoluted love polygons (the l word) and getting sick of ones in all-female environments (oitnb, wentworth). we're sick of queerbait couples in ensemble cast scifi or action shows getting killed off. we want stability, permanence.i see sitcoms, dramas with older lesbian protags, even a disney channel or nickelodeon show with 2 moms being made.

Of course I can’t read the future. I can tell you that it’s not likely. Shows with 2 lesbian leads are not terribly popular. And you’d have to have 2 leads to even believe they could last 5 years. Lesbians say they are sick of this and that, yet they don’t watch the fosters. We have some of them believing nonsense about no long term monogamous lesbian couples on tv, um, The Fosters. And queer baits? There are still more swan queen fanatics than fans of Stef and Lena. IF they were sick of it, they quit watching.

I’d love for that future that you paint. Unfortunately, it doesn’t sell.

Anonymous said:                                                                     

Teri seems very open and honest about sex. Then you have Stef who she plays so well being so shy about it. It’s great Stef doesn’t want to talk about it at all. It’s brilliantly done             

Teri’s an amazing actor. Look at how she has butch Stef down. I don’t think it’s all direction, though I’d love to know if she’s gotten tips from anyone. Teri is far from butch but she does the tiniest things to make Stef the character come alive.

 Anonymous said:

What are your thoughts on Sherri Polo fanfic?          

Don’t tweet it to sherri or teri! Um, you know, it’s harmless fun.

Anonymous said:                                                                     

do you think teri & sherri kiss on the lips when together? we saw them kiss at HRC & during one panel but when they're just alone taking selfies they won't share with us (lol) do you think they cuddle & hold each other & still kiss each other? sherri always says teri is her wife & of course we see how close their friendship truly is, but i wonder if they act the same in all aspects on & off camera. wish we could see everything! but i love they have selfies just for them, i love that even more             

Gonna pair these questions together. Yes they kiss on the lips all the time, we’ve seen it. Obviously, they are not making out. I also think we have good proof that they cuddle all the time. We have enough casual, unplanned proof that these things happen off camera. They have something special that they like to keep to just themselves, as Sherri herself has said.

Anonymous said:                                                                     

Oh poor Stef sex is bought up and all she wants to do is hide under the table and hope no one notices. Poor baby            

It’s funny, she can be all like here are condoms, use safe sex, but don’t give her the gory details! I always thought it’s hard for her to be vulnerable and all that sex talk makes her feel too open, it’s too personal. However, Stef 2.0 can talk about her feelings more openly so I’d like to see her be able to talk about this more.

Anonymous said:                                                                     

Stef being like this now makes me wonder what she was like when she first met Lena!  Could she say the word sex? Because she’s yet to even say orgasm             

I think the great thing about early Stef would be that she was completely a lit candle when it came to Lena. I think she was dying for sex so it wouldn’t have been a problem. I think she just didn’t talk about it.

  Anonymous said:                                                                     

I love that Stef is still finding herself even in her forties if the story line is right (which in this show is hard to follow at the best of times) she was twenty nine when she meet Lena and has spend all her thirties with her. I love her character development. I would just like her to throw caution to the wind and start sexy time with her wife, who as well all know is hot as hell. What do you think?             

As a woman in her forties, I can tell you there’s so much to find out about yourself. I love her character development. She’s had the most growth, it’s so well plotted out. It’s taking seasons to see it. To see Stef in the last episode, so confident in herself, she’s never looked better. It’s time for that to translate into the bedroom. If I am right, the show has to go there. It is what they have been writing. This is the path.

Anonymous said:                                                                      Hopefully Lena isn’t gonna yell at Callie next week. I’m sure we won’t be happy that Callie changed her project. I hope to see her angry at Monty or whoever makes Callie take it down. 

Yeah, it might be the new acting VP. We’ll see. I am only into this as far as Lena really finding her voice and getting the job she deserves. She shouldn’t play second fiddle to any of these idiots.          

Anonymous said:                                                                     

Why are they always wear striped shirts on the show ? Mostly Jude

He’s a clown?

Anonymous said:                                                                     

Callie record could ruin her chances of getting into colleges. I hope see Callie angry and upset about it. Worrying if she will ever get to go. I feel like her and Lena could bond over it. Since she’s the one telling Callie to apply. Callie’s doesn’t seem to care for collage and that needs to be the reason.             

The reason Callie does anything, she doesn’t believe she deserves good things like her moms, like a nice boyfriend like AJ.

Anonymous said:                                                                     

My wife & I love your blog. The kitchen scene with Stef & Lena putting up groceries from the last epis, it would have been more organic for them to just kiss very briefly on the lips and go into that nice tight body hug.  We are not ones to really harp on the kissing, but this episode & that scene seemed so weird without a very brief kiss flowing into a comforting hug.  So much so that we beginning to wonder if there is a network mandate about the moms’ kisses.  Know showrunners may not admit it

There could be. There’s no denying that they gay nothing by throwing a network under the bus. That’s why I trust that they are doing everything they can on that front. I do believe that. The last hug was awkward. It’s definitely setting up conflict for Stef and Lena. Would I have liked a kiss? Of course. I just refuse to get worked up when this was an episode that had over 21 minutes of Stef and/or Lena. I just can’t. I definitely understand people’s frustrations. I still get a lot of joy out of an episode like that, character development and such. I could have used some more touching, but really the first few eps, I’ve had a hard time even giffing all the times they’ve touched. I’ve had to not gif some of them, that’s how many we have had. I don’t feel that kissing is the only way to show that these women are in love. We’ve gone through droughts of very little touching, hugging, never mind kissing.

Anonymous said:                                                                      You’ve said many times the show has earned your waiting on a kiss from Stef & Lena.  But we don’t understand why the fandom, which is a small fandom & very frustrated with this, has to wait on something that should be quite natural for a married couple who’s in love as they say Stef & Lena is.  We don’t want/expect full make out every episode, but when scenes naturally call for a kiss (peck on lips/brief kiss) it’s really very ridiculous to say the show is waiting for 1 big episode for kisses.

You’re preaching to the choir. I don’t think they’re doing this to frustrate us though or to seem unfair. I do think that this is story for them for the most part. I also do believe that they want to build up to big moments, for dramatic purpose. Stef and Lena have kissed so much by now that it is hard to build dramatically to big kisses. Other shows do this by breaking couples up or having them cheat (i.e. new relationship kisses). Stef and Lena aren’t breaking up, they’re not gonna cheat, so how do they build up to big moments, this is one way. I don’t have to like it. Someone earlier mentioned a sitcom and that might be the only kind of show where we could get casual kisses all the time. Comedies aren’t building towards big climatic moments so it would just be casual and funny. I’d like that show, I’d watch that show. However, I’d also miss the big dramatic moments. So, I feel like this show has given us both. And we still have a long ways to go. I trust that this isn’t being done maliciously, that’s all I am saying.

Anonymous said:

 [1 of 2] “Bradley was clear on twitter, it’s not censorship or the 8pm hour. It’s a choice they’re making and that we aren’t patient enough.”   One of the most ridiculous things I’ve read about the Fosters.  They write & portray a couple very much in love, some of their scenes obviously & naturally called for a kiss, but the people who watch the show aren’t patient enough?  Really?!!! Not enough time or space to express how arrogant and unreasonably/irrationally ridiculous that is. [1 of 2]              

Anonymous said:                                                                     

[2 of 2] “Bradley was clear on twitter, it’s not censorship or the 8pm hour. It’s a choice they’re making and that we aren’t patient enough.”  The fandom has been very patient & loyal to the Fosters, in spite of many fan’s frustations (storylines, balance between drama/crisis vs triumphs, timeline, etc), we kept watching.  It’s one thing to say be patient to see how a storyline will play out, but to say we aren’t patient enough when a scene naturally calls for a kiss is unfair & unjustifiable.            

Put yourself in Bradley’s shoes. He has been hearing about the kisses this season from episode 1. Yeah, the fandom is impatient. I get it. We don’t have a lot of choices as lesbians. We crave it, it’s important to us. No show is perfect, show me a show where no fan complains? it’s not just us, Brad replied today to a frustrated Brallie fan. In reality the best thing he could do is just not answer any of us but he does. I appreciate it sometimes because while he refuses to reassure others, he reassures us. They are never breaking up, they’ll always be in love and he’s the biggest shipper.  I believe him.

I am telling you, fandom can get pretty mean-spirited. I am not speaking about you, I am talking about the things fans have said to showrunners that I have seen. If I like a show, I don’t really follow online fandom, unless I am shipping lesbians. I break my rule then because there are tons of things I can enjoy in fandom and try to ignore all the other things. However, shows without lesbians, I don’t want spoilers, I don’t want fanwars. I don’t want any of it.

Back to the question at hand, everyone knows, I am not afraid to call anyone out when i feel things are unfair or what have you. There have been times when the lack of kissing has led me to complain. And part of it for me is feeling like the show would be cancelled suddenly and we wouldn’t get their payoff. I am fairly confident at this point that they have the show plotted out through season 5. Whatever is going to happen will happen. I have accepted that. I’ve also been given many gifts, patience has paid off.

Again, I don’t know the reason why they are doing it (to divulge on their part would be to spoil) but I do know with confidence that it is not malicious. Period. No doubt. So, i am not going to angrily demand this and that. It’s not going to happen at this point because for the most part, the dry spells have been plot related. The dry spell right now has been countered with some kick ass affection and kick ass communication. They seem more like a healthy couple than ever. If there’s no payoff or it’s lame, I will complain. I do understand that they try to build towards these great Stef and Lena moments and there are limited ways in which they could do that. I’d love next season to see that plot line where they can’t enough of each other but keep getting interrupted. That would be an amazing build up full of moments all along the way. I would write that in their potential last season. Will they? Who knows.

That’s my opinion, considering where we are. I totally respect yours.

[mill3nniumforc3]

2018: A Year in Review

Hey, everyone! So, it is currently November 29, 2018. I’m starting my AYiR earlier than my normal December 10th for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I’m busy with working two jobs and don’t have the time that I used to have in the past. The proof: I’m publishing this on January 2nd instead of December 31st. Oops! Secondly, a LOT has happened this year, and I want to make sure I have it all written down.

Of course, like I say every year, you are not obligated to read this. It’s for me to look back on someday. If you choose to read, enjoy reading about my year :)

January

The new year rang in. It was just me and my dog. I was watching Hey Arnold! The Jungle Movie in the living room and ended up falling asleep shortly afterwards.

January 2nd was the day that completely changed my life, though I didn’t know it at the time. I had been using Tinder on and off since 2015, mainly for shits and giggles. I was actually extremely picky when it came to swiping right on people. First, I would decide whether or not I thought someone was attractive (it’s important to be attracted to people you might want to date). Second, I would look at all the pictures (pictures that included smoking, drinking beer, hunting, pro-Trump, or nudity would cause me to swipe left). Third, I would read the bio (mentions of only wanting a hookup, supporting Trump, wanting a side-chick/third wheel, being obsessed with anime, or not having ambitions caused me to swipe left). Finally, I would check the distance, since Tinder would sometimes goof up and show people who were hundreds or thousands miles of way (I tried long-distance before and it ended with him cheating on me). If all was good, I swiped right. 

So, while I was swiping (and laughing whenever I found someone I knew), I came across a guy that I found cute. He had one other picture of him, and both were selfies with him just smiling. Ok! I went to read his bio. He mentioned working on his Masters in Accounting (good! He has ambitions!), liking video games (that’s every guy ever, so ok!), looking for someone to talk to (not sure if that means a friend or a girlfriend, but ok!), and loving to go to Cedar Point (sold!). The distance was about 30 miles, so not that bad. I swiped right and we matched instantly. Then I thought I would never have a conversation with him and moved on.

Well, half an hour later, I got a notification that someone messaged me. I typically didn’t respond to messages because they either had one word or said something creepy. I went to at least read it, and it said five words: “Hi, nice to meet you.” I replied back, “Hi, nice to meet you too.” I thought that would be the end of it when he didn’t reply back, so I went to bed. When I woke up the morning of January 3rd, he replied. “Thanks for messaging back. Most don’t lol. So, what’s your favorite ride at Cedar Point?” From there, we talked all day about Cedar Point. I gave it three days before conversation would die.

Instead, three days later, he asked if he could meet me in person.

January 3rd was also the first day back to dance after the Christmas break. In the class was me, my sister, my aunt, and Danny, who is an ice skater who was taking ballet to work on his technique. We started a new dance to Million Reasons by Lady Gaga. The dance teacher started shipping me and Danny because we made each other laugh (he was obsessed with grand battements and kept asking if it was time to them, which was funny), but I only saw him as a friend.

On January 8th, I submitted my application for rehire at Cedar Point. I wanted to work a rollercoaster SOOOO badly. While I knew my chances for getting Raptor were slim, I was hoping I had a good chance for Blue Streak, since it doesn’t get as busy. My top three when I applied were Blue Streak, maXair/Dodgem, and Giant Wheel/Tiki Twirl/Troika. I absolutely did not want to work Cads again.

On January 9th, I had my first date with Russell. I was nervous as all heck because I hadn’t been on a date in a long time. I couldn’t sit still because I was so nervous that he’d be a serial killer, or not who he said he was, or wouldn’t like me in real life after talking to me online. He picked me up at my house, and we went to Olive Garden. I was a little quiet during the car ride and tried thinking of questions I hadn’t asked him yet. When he accidentally missed the turn for Olive Garden and we ended up in the parking lot for Planet Fitness, he asked me if I thought they served any good food. My response? “They probably have all the granola bars and protein shakes you can eat.” He laughed, and that calmed me down a lot. Making someone laugh is reassuring for me. We got seated at Olive Garden and just kept spitballing topics to talk about. He noticed I was fidgeting and thought he was making me uncomfortable, but I didn’t want to tell him the real reason I was uncomfortable: I was on my period. We kept talking and talking until we realized Olive Garden was a little too quiet. I checked the time and laughed because Olive Garden was closing in five minutes. Russell paid for our meals and we walked out to the car. He turned on the car radio and Bring Me to Life by Evanescence came on. I commented that it was a good song and wanted to sing along, but I was too shy to sing in front of him. When we got closer to my house, he asked me if I wanted to go on a second date with him. I didn’t even hesitate to say yes, and he smiled. We hugged goodbye, and he kissed me on the cheek.

On January 13th, we had our second date. We went to get frozen yogurt and then watched The Greatest Showman. It was a fun time. As we were walking out, I saw a movie playing called Proud Mary, and I started singing it under my breath. Russell looked at me and then saw the name of the movie on the theatre. He laughed and said, “Yes! I’m glad you were thinking that too.” It was cold outside and my teeth started chattering, so he held me close to him. In that moment, I knew that I sincerely liked him. When he dropped me off at my house, I saw him leaning in to kiss me, and I decided to kiss him too. My heart was pounding and I had butterflies in my stomach. It was a nice, passionate kiss that lasted quite a while. 

On January 20th, we had our third date. We went to a place that was like a hyped up Chuck E Cheese. There were arcade games, go karts, bumper cars, mini bowling, laser tag, mini golf, and inflatables. It was a ton of fun. After we got done with playing, we went to IHOP for dinner (there were unlimited pancakes). We talked and ate and talked more. I was hoping he’d ask me to be his girlfriend, but he didn’t.

On January 27th, we had a fourth date. We went to a park near my house, got into the backseat of his car, listened to music, and made out. Honestly, that was a lot of fun for me. While we were making out, he said, “So, my mother has started referring to you as my girlfriend. Do you think we’re on that level?” I nodded and said, “Yeah, I do. Do you?” He nodded too, and that was how we officially became boyfriend and girlfriend. Also, we went to second base that day too, and we went to Rockne’s for dinner. While we were eating, I saw one of my old teachers from middle school, I called out to her, and she walked over. I gestured to Russell and said, “This is my boyfriend, Russell.” It felt so good to say that, and he later told me that it felt good for him to hear me call him my boyfriend.

February

Every Saturday, I went on a date with Russell. It was our day to spend together, and I loved having my Saturdays with him.

We had our Valentine’s Day date on February 10th. We went to the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame, and it was an awe-striking experience getting to see outfits and instruments used by John Lennon, Freddie Mercury, Prince, Bon Jovi, everybody! After we looked at everything and browsed in the gift shop (everything was hella expensive, but I guess that’s to be expected since it’s a tourist location), we went to where our reservation is and decided to walk around for a while since we had time beforehand. We got a look inside The Arcade (which was an old mall that had shops on the first floor and a hotel on the rest of the floors) and went inside JACK Casino, where we won $30 (Russell called me his good luck charm). As we were walking back to meet our reservation, a homeless man stopped us and said, “Now, here’s a lucky man. He’s got a beautiful woman. Would you like to buy her one of these roses?” He showed us some fake roses, and Russell gave him $20 for two of them. We walked away and Russell explained that he had seen that man before, so he knew he wasn’t some kind of scammer. Since we had a little more time before our reservation, we got a drink at The Corner Alley. I got a vodka Sprite and he got a rum and coke. We then met our reservation at The Chocolate Bar, and it was amazing. We both got spiked hot chocolates and pasta dishes, and we got fried lasagna as an appetizer. After we finished our dinner, we went to the candy shop, and I bought a bagful of salt water taffy. We didn’t want the night to end yet since it was only 8pm, so we went to our park to make out for a while.

February 14th was Ash Wednesday. It was thankfully a pleasant day, so I walked to church. I got my ashes, and decided to stop at Starbucks on the way home since I was already out. I gave up the one thing I said I’d never give up for Lent again: chocolate. It was a long, sad Lent, but I did it!

On February 16th, I was awakened with a phone call from Cedar Point. I was asked about my top three, and after stating what they were, I was asked to consider Ocean Motion. I thought it over for a moment, and decided to say yes, since I was actually considering Ocean Motion for my top three anyway (the early-entry part was what stopped me from putting it down). My first day of work was April 24th, and I was excited to make my return to Sandusky.

February 24th was the day Russell met my parents. We first went to see Black Panther, just the two of us. We then met my parents and sisters at Hooley House. He said he was nervous, and I told him it would all be ok. We went inside and found my dad. We got seated at two different tables. One table was my sisters and my sister’s boyfriend. The other table was me, Russell, and my parents. Russell was kinda shy around my parents at first. My dad asked him about sports teams, and from there, he became a lot less shy. They were talking about sports, traffic, and their jobs. After we finished dinner, my mom hugged him goodbye and my dad shook his hand, and me and Russell went to get dessert at Dairy Queen (and also, make out).

February 28th was Danny’s last day at ballet class. I was sad that he was leaving since he was my friend, but at the same time, it was kinda relieving since he still wasn’t picking up choreography too well and he had to be corrected on technique many times.

March

On March 3rd, Russell showed me around his hometown. I got to see where he had previously lived before living in his current house, his high school, his workplace, and the landmarks in the city, including a high-end mall (which had a Spencers, which we totally went in). We ended the day by getting drinks and seeing Wish You Were Here, which is a tribute band for Pink Floyd. They were amazing. When he went to take me back to my house, he showed me his former workplace where he got accused for something he didn’t do and ended up getting fired.

March 10th was the day of my cousin’s baby shower. I was so excited for her to become a mom because she had babysat me and my sisters when we were younger and always thought she would be a good mom. The food at the baby shower wasn’t quite my taste (it was a lot of Greek food, since my cousin married a Greek man), but I ate some to be polite and ate a slice of cake (which was regular store-bought cake). After the baby shower, Russell came up and spent some time with me.

On St. Patrick’s Day, my family has two traditions: getting ice cream at Honey Hut since it’s the day the reopen for the season, and going to my Grandma’s house for a traditional Irish dinner of corned beef, boiled potatoes, boiled cabbage, and Irish soda bread. I remember being unsure if the dinner would even happen this year since Grandma passed away in 2017. My aunt, who lives in Grandma’s house, decided to continue tradition. Did I end up going? No. I told Russell about it to see if he wanted to go, but we agreed it probably wasn’t in his best interest to meet the family while everyone is hammered. The ice cream tradition went off without a hitch, and then me and Russell went to a mall near me. We walked around, went into Spencers, wreaked havoc in Dillard’s and Macy’s, looked at the cute dogs in Petland and Pick of the Litter (which should totally be closed down because the dogs were lethargic!), got ice cream at Mitchell’s, and saw Peter Rabbit. We left the mall and got dinner at Panera.

On March 24th, I got to meet some of his friends at a wedding. I was pretty nervous to meet them, but it ended up going great. The wedding was pretty high-end with the food. I found out that day that I like goat cheese, and that I don’t like butternut squash. After congratulating the bride (Russell’s friend), we left to spend some time together. 

The next weekend was my birthday weekend. Because Russell couldn’t be with me on my actual birthday (my birthday was on Easter, so I was going to be with family, and he had planned to go to a Cavs game with a friend), he spent that Friday and Saturday with me. We got dinner at Carrabba’s on Friday, and went to the IX Indoor Amusement Park on Saturday. He also got me at Wii-U for my birthday.

April

April 1 was Easter and my 24th birthday. I went to church with my mom’s side of the family (there was a Mass offered for Grandma), and then we went to brunch at my dad’s side of the family. I also got a text from my long-lost BFF Ashlyn, and we talked about how our lives were going.

On April 7th, I got to meet Russell’s mother, Tee. I was nervous to meet her and afraid that she wouldn’t like me. We went to Olive Garden and the very first thing we bonded over was cheese. I looooove cheese, and when the server started grating the cheese, we both stared at the cheese, which made us laugh. 

On April 14th, me and Russell went on our first vacation together, which was a birthday present for both of us, since Russell’s birthday is in May. We went to Kings Island, which was about 3.5 hours south of us, but still in the same state. We left at 5:30am, and got there around 9. We got a pretty decent parking spot and the line to get inside wasn’t bad at all for April 14th being Opening Day. At 9:30am, we were let in and we got our fast passes. We rode all the rollercoasters twice, except for Beast, which we rode three times, and Adventure Express, Racer, and The Bat, which we rode once. We also went into the Eiffel Tower to get some pictures of the views, and when I went to get my glasses, I found that they broke on one of the rides. Oops lol. Russell guided me around since I couldn’t see too well. Once we were all rollied out, we checked into our hotel and got dinner at McDonald’s. We headed back to our hotel and laid down in bed for a nap. It led to us making out instead, and I let him see me topless for the first time. We continued making out and, at some point when I was on top of him, he adjusted himself, accidentally dry-humping me in the process. I pushed back on him, and that is how we got into one of our favorite things to do together. It was hard to sleep that night because, even though we had the A/C on, it was hot in the room. Also, my shoulder was hurting, and the pain was keeping me awake. Russell tried massaging it to ease the pain, which helped a little, but it still hurt a lot. I don’t know when we fell asleep, but I do know that when Russell’s phone alarm went off, neither of us wanted to leave the bed. We went to see what was for breakfast in the hotel, and it was pretty lame. Just pastries and coffee. I had went into the bathroom because I was getting nauseous from a combination of how badly my shoulder hurt and I hadn’t peed in over 24 hours (I get bladder shy). I managed to relieve my bladder, which helped me feel kinda better. When I got back to Russell, he asked me if I puked, and I shook my head no. I drank the rest of my coffee and then we went back to the room to lay down for a bit before we had to check out. We started watching Pinocchio (it was on Freeform) and making horrible jokes about it. Eventually, it was time for us to go. We checked out, got lunch at McDonald’s (it was across the street from the hotel), and went back home.

I went to the eye doctor shortly after the incident to get a new prescription for my glasses. I ended up picking a pair of red Ralph Lauren glasses, and I added a blue light filter to protect my eyes when I use my laptop and phone. They told me the glasses would be ready in 7-10 days, and I was a little panicked because I was moving back to Sandusky in less than a week for work. My mom said she could drop them off, and Russell offered to bring them if they were ready before he was up there for the Steel Vengeance first rider event. 

On April 21st, me and Russell had a fun day together at a hyped up Chuck E. Cheese (not the same place as we went before). We played skee ball and other games, played mini-golf, and rode go-karts. We then went to Panera and spent some time together, since we knew it would be a little while before we could spend days like this together.

On April 24th, I was back in Sandusky. It was exciting to be back. I didn’t see anyone I knew at process-in, which was kinda a letdown. After getting processed in, I went to get my room assignment and key. I saw my friend Pam from last year in the housing office, and she right away knew where to put me: same building as last year (Valravn House) and first floor. I got the last bed in 123, which was kinda nerve-wracking, since the last time I was the last bed, I had two partier roommates and one roommate who thought she was better than everyone else because she was drinking underage and had a black boyfriend. I moved in all my stuff and organized everything. After I had everything where I wanted it to be, I went to get lunch at McDonald’s. I then relaxed for a while, waiting to meet my roommates. At some point, I left to go to the bathroom, and upon returning, one of my roommates was entering the room too. That was how I met Tracy, a 47 year old who worked at the resort. We got to know each other and learn a bit about our lives. Soon, we were joined by Michaela, a 19 year old who was a first-year ride op. She got excited to learn I was a ride op too and she asked me tons of questions about which rides I had worked, who I knew, and my favorite rides. The last roommate I didn’t meet until the next day, and I don’t remember her name because she processed out and left a few weeks later.

April 25th was iROC day. I had to take my drug test, and I made sure to get some coffee on the way. I got there a half hour early, and it took me 75 minutes to go (bladder of steel never fails lol). I met Tarshikka, another ride op, there and we were racing to see who could finally go first (she won lol). Thankfully, because I was a returner, they let me go into iROC class late. I went into class, completed everything, passed the iROC exam with a perfect score (2 for 2!), and caught up on what I missed. After iROC, they sent me on a 45 minute lunch break. The issue? I didn’t have a car, nothing on Point was open, and the buses were running every half hour. I found a candy cane in my purse, and that ended up being my lunch. After “lunch,” I was sent to clean/train at Kiddy Kingdom, or as we all affectionately call it, Kill-me Kingdom. Boooo! I put on a happy face anyway and trained at the rides. I met Cieara, Sam, Mario, Isaiah, Eileen (Kiddy’s sup), Lacey (Cads’ sup), Chris (Planet’s sup), Olivia, and Savannah. Chris had us just clean and he’d train us in tomorrow. Ok, good deal. We were supposed to be sent home at 6pm, but they kept us til 7pm. Lame! After leaving, I got dinner at Dairy Queen. I was starving! 

On the 26th, I got to train at Kiddy. Chris was the trainer, and I was in a group with Tarshikka, Kayge (a ride op who had previously worked at Kennywood and was a first-year at CP), and Isaiah. Chris had us all run one cycle at Mustangs (the “Hampton sample” since all the Hamptons run the same), Roto Whip (which was a lot like a Hampton, except without the umbrella and with magnetic gates and a lapbar secured with a strap), Sky Fighters (which went up into the air), Helicopters (which used a foot pedal instead of a presence button, and also went up into the air), and 4x4s (which had manual jogs, which is not fun!). After I signed off on all my training papers, I went off to clean. 

On the 27th, I started off with cleaning until Eric (my sup from last year) asked for some volunteers in Kiddy to help him commission Dodgems. Chris sent me (yay!), Isaiah, Lacey, Savannah, and Olivia. We drove the cars around in circles, which wasn’t as fun as it sounds. I got called to train at the Kiddy Kingdom Carousel, which was finally given state approval to run. Eileen knew it would be an easy task to train me there since I worked Cedar Downs the year before. I ran the cycle exactly like I would have ran Cedar Downs, and Eileen passed me. I signed off on the paper and was asked to send Savannah to train. I took Savannah’s spot in Dodgems and continued helping to commission. After the commissioning was done, it was back to cleaning.

That night, Russell and Tee were up at CP for the first rider event. He let me know that he had my new glasses and asked where to meet me. I suggested Dairy Queen, but then when I realized it closed at 9pm, I suggested McDonald’s. We met there, I got my new glasses, and we spent a bit of time together. 

The 28th consisted of more cleaning and running rides, since the 29th was Family and Friends Day, meaning we’d have riders! I was nervous to have people, but I knew I was ready. The next day, I showed up with coffee and my water bottle in tow (lawlz) and chose to start off at Mustangs. Since we were only open for three hours, I knew that I THANKFULLY would not have to run 4x4s (the rotation went Mustangs, Police Cars, Rock Spin and Turn, Carousel, Roto Whip, Dune Buggies, Sky Fighters, Helicopters, 4x4s, Motorcycles, and Space Age). The day was pretty easy.

The next day was our day off. Only productive thing I did was go to Walmart to buy a backpack and a watch, since I wasn’t allowed to wear my Fitbit at work. Who knew that a Fitbit counted as a “smart watch?” At least that’s what corporate said...

May

On Tuesday, May 1st, I reported to the boat, since we were supposed to be training at our contracted rides. I met Kel (the sup) and Mario and Olivia were contracted to the boat too. Kel then got a call that me and Olivia had to go to Planet Snoopy to train (boooo!) and Mario had to go to Sky Ride. It was a sad day that led to another week of not being at the boat. I got to Planet, and saw that Cieara, Sam, Savannah, Isaiah, Chris (well, obviously), Lacey, and Eileen were all training at Planet as well. Audrey (who was my TL last year, and now the TL at Kiddy), Amanda (the sup of maXair), Kim (the TL of Windseeker), and Kendra (the TL of Planet) were there too. Everyone who was in a leadership position got trained that day, leaving everyone else to clean. After leadership was trained, they started to commission the rides. Chris sent me, Olivia, and Isaiah to help commission Joe Cool’s Dodgem School since we were the smallest weight-wise and could fit in the cars (I ended up being the only one to fit comfortably since Olivia and Isaiah were 6 feet tall and I’m 5′5″). Kim controlled the ride and set the speed to its highest setting. When Chris came to check on us and saw how fast we were going, he put the speed back to where it should be and told Kim not to mess with it. As we were finishing up, Lacey, Eileen, and Audrey all came over and asked to switch out. Lacey took my spot and I went back to cleaning.

The next day, I trained at Planet. Every single ride was operated exactly the same with a foot pedal and magnetic gates. Chris trained me and Olivia and had us run a cycle of each ride since all the rides moved differently. The only ride I didn’t get to train at was Snoopy’s Express since the train was out of commission. After we got done training, Chris asked me to continue commissioning Flying Ace Balloon Race since the person commissioning yesterday only got 15 cycles done. I worked on Balloon Race for awhile until Cieara asked me if I would switch with her and commission Road Rally. I agreed and we switched spots. I saw rain clouds begin to form as I was finishing up Road Rally, so I sped up since it can’t run in rain. I thankfully finished commissioning just in time. As I went to turn in the paperwork, it started to rain. I went back to cleaning after I was done.

Thursday was the day I ended up getting frustrated. The area supervisor kept trying to keep us later and later. Our end time was 6pm, and they originally said they were keeping us til 7pm, which wasn’t bad. They then said we were getting a 45 minute dinner break and staying til 9pm. Then they extended it til 10pm, 11pm, and finally midnight. I was livid! They were only keeping us so late because Raptor and Windseeker were still commissioning, so they were punishing the whole area instead of just those two rides. It was terrible! Everyone in Area 2 had gone home, and the only people in Area 3 still at work were the Steel Vengeance crew. Since Planet was spotless, Chris sent us all to help clean Windseeker while they were commissioning. We all worked hard, and at 11:15pm, Kim decided to call Herbert and ask him if we could go home since the ride was clean and they’d come in early tomorrow to commission. Herbert arrived, looked around, and approved us all to go home, holding Kim to her word that she and everyone else training at Windseeker would be in at 8am. 

May 5th-6th was Opening Weekend. I spent the first half of the day at Kiddy, and the second half at Planet. How we operated it since we didn’t have enough staffing to work both was Kiddy was open from 10am-3pm, and Planet was open from 5pm-10pm. 3pm-4pm was our linner break, and at 4pm, we did opening procedures for Planet.

May 7th was our day off, and on May 8th, I FINALLY got to train at the boat. I had to train at Midway Carousel too, but that was easy since I was already trained at Kiddy Kingdom Carousel and it was exactly the same. Same amount of ride units, same cycle length, even the same music! After we trained, we cleaned the rides, and then we all took turns running the rides and riding them. 

The euphoria of being at my contracted ride was short-lived, as I had to spend the weekend split between Planet and Kiddy. This time, since staffing was up, I spent the first half of the day at Planet and the second half at Kiddy, taking my 45 at Planet, and my 30 and 15 at Kiddy.

After that weekend, the park was open daily. I was always at either Planet or Kiddy. If I was ever at the boat, I’d always be sent to Planet or Kiddy shortly afterwards. It felt like I was contracted there instead of OMO. One day, I showed up at the boat, and it was just me and Kel. Mario had become notorious for being late and we were surprised Olivia hadn’t shown up. I was thinking maybe Mario and Olivia were carpooling, but when Mario showed up and not Olivia, Kel called for a higher-up. Turns out, Olivia had quit, so it was just the three of us now.

May 16th was Russell’s birthday. I was off that day, and since I couldn’t spend it with him since he was 90 minutes away and at work, I took the opportunity to get my first ride on Steel Vengeance. It was about a 90 minute wait since they were only running one train due to mechanical issues (the running joke was Steel Vengeance had a Mean Streak), so it wasn’t bad at all. I was assigned towards the back and seated with a stranger. He seemed a bit nervous to be seated next to a girl, but I assured him that I wasn’t scared and loved rollercoasters. My heart was pounding as we went up the lift hill and because I was in the back, as soon as the rest of the train cleared the lift, we were quickly thrown down the hill. I was hooting and hollering the whole ride. It was fun! By the time the ride ended, I was breathless. We got off, and the man sitting next to me shook my hand and said he had fun riding with me. I happily grabbed my stuff out of the locker and decided to splurge on a Steel Vengeance t-shirt to commemorate my first ride.

Memorial Day weekend, Russell and Tee spent the weekend at the resort as a combination of his birthday and Mother’s Day celebration. Saturday, Russell invited me to spend the night with them. I got off at 8pm, and we went to Bay Harbor for dinner. It was a huge ripoff. I could have gotten the same dish at Olive Garden for half the price. We then went for a swim in the pool. I was off that Sunday (May 27th), so we went to the park together. We went on Windseeker, which Russell was terrified of. When the ride was stopping, he said to me, “You know, this ride really isn’t as bad.” In that moment, like word vomit, I said to him, “There’s something I’ve wanted to say to you all day.” He looked at me nervously, and I said, “I love you.” Things were quiet for a moment and I said, “If you’re not ready to say it back, it’s ok. I just wanted to put it out there that that’s how I feel.” Later that night, we were in the pool again, and he said, “So, do you remember what you said on Windseeker?” I asked him what about it, and he replied, “I love you too.” I was a little skeptical and asked if he really did or if he was saying it because I said it. “No, I’ve loved you for a while now. I was just waiting for you to say it first.”

May 28th was Memorial Day. I was a little bummed out because I wanted to see Journey and Def Leppard, but I was at work. I opened the carousel that day, and as I was hanging out waiting for riders, a storm began brewing in. I was a bit nervous because the roof of the carousel was made of tin. As I was nervously standing by the horses to avoid the storm, I heard someone call out to me. I looked over and saw a blonde girl walk up to me. “Hey, I’m Katie! I’m the TL!” she said. I smiled at her and introduced myself back. She asked if I had met Kel, and I told her I have and he was over at the boat. She then headed over there, and I was left by myself again. Eventually, Kel called over and told me to take the carousel down because of the storm, and I ran over to the boat because I didn’t want to be by myself.

June

June 2nd was my mom’s birthday, and I got to go home that night since I was off on the 3rd and my cousin’s daughter was being baptized. It was good being home for a bit. I went back that evening.

Around this time, I started getting closer to Mario. I was annoyed by him because he was always late and seemed so careless, which irritated me because he was the in-charge (I couldn’t be the in-charge since I was always being sent to Planet). One day, we were down for rain. Herbert wanted us to go back up, but Katie refused because it was raining and she didn’t want to boat to catch fire. Mario returned from break while I was sitting in controls eating a snack and Katie was arguing with Herbert. When I saw Herbert walking to the booth, I stuffed the rest of my snack into my mouth, and Mario made a sound effect to go along with it. I started laughing and asked why he did that, and he said that’s what it looked like. In that moment, I realized Mario wasn’t so bad after all. Herbert made me run a cycle of the boat and, when it didn’t show any signs of slippage, he made us go back up, despite it still pouring down rain. I was then sent to the carousel and Mario was sent home. He came to talk to me for a minute and invited me to go on Professor Delbert’s Frontier Fling with him. I accepted the offer, and we planned for the 12th since he was an O-4 and I was the cutback. 

Also, around this time, I met Bailey, Estefany, Deannia, and Mustafa. We all became like family to each other.

On the 12th, I went on Frontier Fling with Mario. I was off the next day, so Russell made the trip up to see me and spend time with me. He watched the two of us on Frontier Fling (he was too scared to join us) and laughed at how loudly I screamed. We then went to see what the wait time was for Steel Vengeance, since it was still on single-train operation. It was a 75 minute wait. Russell didn’t want to wait that long, but Mario did, so we let Mario go ride and me and Russell decided to go to the hotel. 

*THIS PART IS A LITTLE TMI* Russell brought his Switch along and we played Strip Mario Kart. When I lost, I was nervous about taking off my underwear, so we went into the bathroom and I pulled them off. I was terrified being naked in front of him. He took off his underwear too, making us both naked in the bathroom. We kissed, and then I giggled at the realization that we were standing in the bathroom, naked, and kissing. We then got into the shower together. Once we were done, we got into the bed and made out. We then did some inappropriate things (not sex though).

The next morning, we got breakfast in the hotel, and then we went inside the waterpark that was in the hotel. It wasn’t really that impressive. The water coaster was fun and the jacuzzi was great, but the water slide wasn’t fun (water got in my nose, and I couldn’t breathe. When I got into the water, I thought I was going to die for a few seconds until I remembered the pool where I landed was three feet deep and I could stand up. I stood up, took in a big breath, and saw Russell racing towards me because I was under for a bit longer than I thought. The lifeguard asked if I was good, and I nodded). We left the waterpark after a while, and then decided to go to CP for some fun.

On the 14th, I sadly had to go back to work. I put on my uniform and we got breakfast at McDonald’s. While eating, I saw my cousin and her kids. I waved them over and introduced them to Russell. My cousin asked what time I got on, and when I told her 11am, she said she’d stop by to see me (which ended up not happening. I’m thinking she probably stopped by while I was on break). Russell then dropped me off in the employee parking lot, and I waved as he drove back home.

Around this time, I started having trouble with my wisdom teeth. As you may remember from 2017, the right side of my mouth was giving me issues. This time, it was my left side. It was almost excruciating. I cried at work a few times because the pain was so bad and Advil and Tylenol were not helping at all.

The rest of the month was pretty dull. Though, at some point towards the end of the month, I watched The Incredibles 2. It was, well, incredible. MUCH worth 14 year wait.

July

July started off ok. I was still having problems with my wisdom teeth, but I was pushing through it the best I can.

On the Fourth of July, I worked the opening shift (because I requested to have the fifth off). After getting off work, I went to chill in my room for a while since the park was crowded and I didn’t feel like standing in the heat. When the sun started setting, I went back to the park and rode some rollies. I was going to hang out with Mario because he was supposed to be off at 9pm, but apparently the closing shift was taking their sweet time with breaks, so I ended up being on my own. I watched the fireworks show and then Mario found me. We rode some rollies together and then decided to hang out at the boat. When the park closed, I went to the “food festival” the park was having for employees, but nothing looked appetizing to me, so I left, thankful I was off the next day.

On July 9th, I was off... and so was Mario. When we found out we had the same day off, he asked what we were doing. Without skipping a beat, I told him we were riding Steel Vengeance. That morning, I had to run to Walmart and asked if he wanted to come with me (I needed to buy tampons, Orajel, and mac n cheese. I of course ended up buying some shit I didn’t need too). Mario came with me, and we kinda went our separate ways while shopping because he didn’t want to go into the tampon aisle. We met up after we were done, stopped at employee housing to drop off our stuff, and then we went on our way to the park. We had a ton of fun riding all the rides. Towards the end of the night, we rode Maverick, and the operators allowed rerides since there was nobody in line. We rode three times without needing to get back in line, though we did have to change seats once because someone was in line for our row. By the time we left, it was 11:05pm (five minutes after park close). Mario wanted to ride Steel Vengeance again, and we were a good five minute walk from there. I told him he had three minutes before they closed the line and I didn’t want to run, so he took off. I asked him the next day if he made it, and he said he did. 

In late July, I took three days off because I needed a break and was hoping to see my dentist. I went home and, while I wasn’t able to see the dentist, I was able to see Russell on July 25th, since I hadn’t seen him since June. We got dinner together and hung out. 

August

On August 5th, I was off, so Russell and Tee came up to visit the park and spend time with me. We rode a bunch of rides and had tons of fun. They left around 9pm since they had to work the next day, and I went to get some rest since I knew work was going to be brutal.

August was a pretty rough month. I was sick to death of the same old cycle of rotating between the boat and carousel. My schedule started becoming more hectic as Stef left on the 15th, Deannia left on the 24th, Bailey left on the 26th, and Katie left daily operations on the 25th (she’d return for Halloweekends though). Mustafa had been moved to Blue Streak, so it was only me, Mario, Kel, and whoever else was cross-trained that could come work. Because I was still sent to Planet and Kiddy quite a bit, they often would have to scrounge up two people. On top of that, Katie and Kel had no choice but to make me an in-charge since both of them were gone on Labor Day weekend and they couldn’t have Mario be the only in-charge.

Also, because Mario was late so often, the manager said that if he was one minute late ever again, he was getting fired. One morning, I knew he had to be in at 9am because he was at another ride. I was running the carousel, and as it was going, I saw Mario arrive. I looked at my watch. 9:25am. I gave him a sad look and shook my head, and he said, “I’m so sorry.” I broke down in tears. He was my best friend and honestly my only motivator for coming to work. After the cycle ended, I had nobody in line, so I called over to OMO. Katie answered and upon hearing my sobs, said to me, “Listen, I know you’re upset and I wish I could give you a hug right now, but you need to pull yourself together. Mario knew this could happen, and I don’t need you being sad right now. Be sad on your break. I love you, but please calm down.” Thankfully, Mario ended up not getting fired because he had a legitimate excuse for being late and the manager gave him another chance.

On August 27th, I had an appointment with the employee clinic. A couple weeks prior, I was experiencing migraines and nothing was making them go away. Not Advil, not Tylenol, not coffee, not ASMR videos, not even praying. I talked to the doctor about how I was feeling. I described all my symptoms (pain located on the right side of my head, nausea, sensitivity to light, sensitivity to loud noises, and the pain was so bad that it made me cry during work. I hadn’t called off though because I didn’t want to let anyone down. The doctor asked when my next day off was, and I said Friday. She said she didn’t want me to wait that long, so she gave me a medical excuse to get the day off so I could get Excedrin. I walked to park op and talked to Ashley (one of the operations supervisors). She saw how bad I felt about taking the day off, but she said, “I appreciate that you’ve been pushing through the migraines, but I think you need to listen to the doctor on this one. I promise you aren’t letting the crew down. We’ll find someone to take your spot. Get the medicine and feel better. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I tried to sneak out so nobody on the crew saw me leave, but Jana saw me and ratted me out. Thankfully, after taking the Excedrin, I felt much better. I was afraid Kel would be mad the next morning, but he wasn’t mad at all. He asked if I was feeling better, and I just said, “Excedrin is magic. The migraines that have bothered me for the past two weeks are gone.”

August 30th was the roughest day yet. I started that day as the cutback, meaning I opened and left when breaks were done. I was supposed to be the first break. Come 11am, I saw that Kel, Mario, and Jana (an international who worked at Cads) were all at the boat, and wondered why I wasn’t sent on break. Before I had the chance to call and see what’s up, Kel called me and said, “You’re going to Planet. When Mustafa gets here, you’re going over there.” I was not happy to hear that! I wanted to go on break. When Mustafa came to the carousel with my bag, I wished him luck and sulked to Planet. After dropping off my stuff, Chris asked me what my shift was. I told him cutback, and he said he’d send me on break next and to send Emylee to Raptor. I ran one cycle at Snoopy’s Express when I was sent on break. That was fast! I told Chris I was taking an hour break and left. After break, I was sent to Road Rally. Noooo! I was at Road Rally for four hours til Chris came over and sent me to Deep Sea Divers because the person there needed to go to First Aid. I was getting impatient because it was 5pm and there were tons of breaks left. I was at Divers for about five minutes when Chris came to me again. He asked me the one question I thought he’d never ask... “Can you go to Cads?” Cads?? I went, not bringing my bag because I didn’t think I’d be there long. When I got there, Holly (the TL) filled me in on the details: she sent someone to HR hours ago and she never returned, and they had to give the cutback to an international because he had to process out or else he becomes “undocumented.” Since I was an in-charge at Cads in 2017, Herbert figured he could just throw me into position. She asked if I needed her to retrain me, and I said, “No. I got this.” I jumped cars *just like old times* and saw Josh (a regular from last year) who got excited to see me. Once breaks were done at Cads, Holly verified that I was ok with staying another two hours, and I said it was fine, but would it be ok if I ran to Planet really quick to get my bag. Holly said yes and told me to take my time since I *technically* needed a 15 since my shift was now an O-C. I got my bag and returned to Cads as promised. Holly then asked me if I wanted to close Cedar Downs since she previously heard me call it “my baby.” I said yes, and Kyle (the sup. Oh yeah, Lacey demoted herself to TL and took a position at another ride) handed me the keys when I got there. He teased me about working yet another carousel, and I just laughed. I got my spiel mixed up a few times because I was so used to Midway Carousel, but I managed to get it together. I thankfully only had one guest issue because he thought his little kid could ride, but he thankfully didn’t yell at me (so many people yelled at me last year!). At the end of the night, I was exhausted. Who knew being pinballed all over Area 1 could be so exhausting?

On August 31st, guess who made their return? That’s right: Russell and Tee! I was happy to see them. I was off that day, so I met up with them and we first dropped off our stuff at the hotel. Afterward, we went to Walmart and Cracker Barrel. I felt sad though because Russell was having coughing fits and I wanted him to feel better. That night, Russell decided to nap while me and Tee went into the park. We got our last ride on Witches’ Wheel (RIP 1977-2018) and also rode Magnum, Pipe Scream, and Maverick (mainly out of spite since it’s Russell’s favorite coaster). 

September

On September 1st, I didn’t have to be in til 11am (#bless) but that also made me the closing in-charge. I left the hotel room around 10:30am because I had to stop at Wardrobe and Starbucks. When I was at Wardrobe, I went to get my ID, and found Tee’s season pass with it. I gasped in horror because I completely forgot she gave it to me. After getting a clean uniform, I bolted back to the hotel and to the room. I knocked, when Tee answered, I gave her the season pass back. “I’m so sorry. I completely forgot I had it. I have to run now.” Tee laughed and said, “Yes, you do. Run!” I made it to work right on time and took charge sending breaks. The day went relatively smoothly. No big issues at all. At the end of the night, it was me, Louie (who worked Gemini), and Xavier (who worked at Windseeker). I took controls during the last half hour so I could organize paperwork to make closing easier. After both rides were closed, I sent them home and told them I’d see them bright and early. I finished up the paperwork and went to file it. Once everything was done, I texted Russell that I was on my way back. I got there, took a quick shower, and got into bed next to him, not looking forward to tomorrow morning. 

On September 2nd, I was the opening in-charge, meaning I had to be at work at least 15 minutes early. I set my alarm for 7am since I was on-site at the resort, and when Russell woke up with me, I quietly whined that I didn’t want to go. He helped me up and I got dressed into my uniform. He then walked with me to the entrance. He kissed my forehead goodbye (he was afraid he’d be contagious) and said he’d see me later (he and Tee were leaving that afternoon) and I went off to get breakfast before heading to park op. I then picked up the folder and keys, and went off to the ride. I sat alone and ate my breakfast while waiting for Louie and Xavier. When they showed up, I told them to decobweb the carousel. I worked on organizing the morning paperwork. I glanced over at the carousel about 20-past and they were goofing around. I called over and asked if they finished decobwebbing, when they didn’t give a coherent answer, I sighed and told them they had 10 minutes to decobweb before we had to do opening procedures. After 10 minutes, I saw they were still goofing around. I sighed again and called them again, telling them to come over for preopening. Because Xavier was the cutback, I had him open the carousel, and I had Louie open the boat with me. It felt weird being on the other side of opening the boat, since I’m so used to pressing the button and giving the “all clear” signal. Once preopening was done, I had Louie test-ride the carousel, and had Xavier test-ride the boat. At 11:20am, Mario arrived. Naturally, I was ticked, but I kept my cool and asked if he called park op. He said he did and explained that the bus schedule was off. I nodded, and wrote his explanation in the notes section. First breaks went off without a hitch. Xavier, me, and Louie all took hour breaks, and Mario took a 45. I went to send Xavier on his 15, and when he didn’t come back after 15 minutes, I thought maybe he was taking a 30 because he forgot he took an hour. Hey, shit happens. I saw Xavier pass the carousel and thought he was going to clock back in from break. When I wasn’t sent on a 15 after a few minutes, I looked over and saw Xavier was nowhere to be found. I called the boat and asked where Xavier was. Turns out, Xavier interpreted “go on your 15″ as “go home.” What? After an hour and no break help, Mario sent Louie over to rotate me out. After another hour (at this point, 45 minutes before we close), Jana came over for break help. Jana looked upset at first and asked me if she was here for the rest of the night. I told her no, and that she was only here for half an hour so Mario could go on break (both me and Louie forgoed our 15′s, since they’re optional. However, 30′s are mandatory). Jana looked relieved, and, to our delight, the ride went down for weather. We hid in the control booth and, when Mario returned, we sent Jana back to Cads.

September 3rd was the last day of daily operation, and Kel had returned (hooray!). It was kinda bittersweet to not be at the park daily, but it was a huge relief too.

September 4th was the scariest day ever. Me and Russell have a thing where we don’t got a day without talking. I texted him as usual, and when I didn’t get a response, I was a little concerned. By 10pm, I still had gotten nothing from him. I looked at the messages from the night before, and they were all good messages. Around 10:45pm, I sent him a message (admittedly out of spite) that said, “Ok, I’m going to guess you were super busy today lol. I’m going to bed now because I’m exhausted. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Goodnight, babe. I love you.” I was hoping that would trigger some kind of response, but it didn’t. I began running worst case scenarios in my head. My biggest fear was he was either dead or cheating on me. I was more worried than I was angry. I laid in bed and cried, because I didn’t know what was wrong.

Needless to say, I did not sleep well that night. I kept waking up and checking my phone, just hoping for some kind of text from him. Around 9am, I got a text. I didn’t even want to look at my phone at that point, because I was afraid I’d be getting my hopes up and that the text would be from Ashlyn or my aunt or something. I reluctantly looked, just in case. Sure enough, it was Russell. “Hey, baby. I am sooo sorry about yesterday. I got admitted into the hospital yesterday, but don’t panic. I was only admitted as a precaution because my oxygen levels were low. Turns out I have pneumonia after all lol. I would’ve told you yesterday, but my phone died and I didn’t have a charger on me. I hope you’re doing well. I love you, baby.” Tears filled my eyes, and I muttered that he was an ass. I replied to him, and we talked. (PS: Yes, he knows all about how I felt. We had this conversation later on and he almost got upset when he found out that he had me worried, but I told him that it was kinda a good thing too because it shows how deeply I care about him).

September 5th was also the first day of dance classes. I had ballet on Wednesdays and tap on Thursdays. I chose not to do jazz since the advanced class does hip-hop (which is not my forte) and the adult class is too basic for my repertoire. 

September 8th, it was back to the old grind. I came into work at 8am and we cleaned the rides super good. I was happy to see Katie again though. 

September 9th, Russell was released from the hospital (yay!) and it was Mustafa’s last day (boo!). He stayed in Sandusky til the 16th though and stopped by the boat to say goodbye to all of us.

Starting September 14th was Halloweekends. I was at Planet on Fridays, and at OMO Saturdays and Sundays (though there was one weekend I was at Planet all weekend, and the last two weekends, I was at OMO all weekend and Katie went to Planet because she was the TL there last year).

September 23rd was Jana’s last day. I was at Planet all weekend, meaning Jana was at OMO. I passed her on my way out, and Jana hugged me and kissed both cheeks. I was sad she was leaving because she was fun. 

On September 27th, I had my consultation for my wisdom teeth surgery. The surgeon said he would’ve liked it if I were a couple years younger since my wisdom teeth were pushing on my molars, but it was ok and I’d “probably live.” (he said that as a joke because he could tell I was nervous). The surgery was scheduled for November 8th. Hooray.

That’s about it for September.

October

October wasn’t all too exciting either. I got into the rhythm of dance and work. I was meanwhile trying to find another job since I can’t go back to CP for summer 2019 (way too busy, with the dance recital in 2019 and a coaster trip in the works with Russell). 

On October 19th, Russell and Tee came up for the weekend. It was great to spend time with them, albeit not much since I was working all day. That Friday, they visited me while I was working the carousel. The Saturday, they visited me both at the carousel and at the boat (I was working platform and they asked me if I wanted anything from McDonald’s. No, thank you. I don’t get off for another 75 minutes, plus if I eat before sleeping, I won’t sleep lol). The Sunday, they came to see me at the boat, and I happened to be in the control booth at the time. I didn’t notice them by the booth til the ride was stopping (Russell kept making faces at me to get my attention lol). When they were loading, Katie got back from her break (finally lol, We had to hold breaks for two hours because they sent Blake (the sup of Sky Ride) to Raptor and wouldn’t give us break help). As Katie signed for her break, I notified her, that my boyfriend was on the boat (71, my team lol) and that I was going to run the ride in manual (but only a little since we had a line). I ran in the ride in manual and let it swing in full power for 75 seconds (in automatic mode, it only swings in full power for 60 seconds). After the ride stopped, it was my turn on break, so I left with my bag to finally get some lunch. My boyfriend asked where I was going, and I told him lunch. He asked if I planned to leave when they got there, and I said no, I was supposed to go on break hours ago. He told me he was leaving, but would return next weekend because many of the rides were down for wind during the weekend, and he wanted the chance to ride more. He also offered to help me move out, and I accepted.

The 28th was the most bittersweet day of work. Kel and Katie established that nobody was getting a cutback to make closing fast and easy. We closed the boat 10 minutes early and the carousel five minutes early. We then got to work on cleaning the carousel super duper good. It was raining that day, so we spent the downtime at the boat cleaning everything. Once we agreed that the carousel was as clean as it would get (it IS 106 years old, after all), we called for area supervision to approve us to leave. While waiting for Herbert, I went to sign my name in the shed with Katie. Katie then gave me a heartfelt speech about how she loved working with me, even though we butted heads a few times. I gave her a heartfelt speech back about how much I appreciated her as a TL. We hugged, and Katie said, “You give really good hugs.” We laughed, and after a few moments, she added, “We should probably head back to controls before Kel thinks we’re making out.” Herbert messed with us a bit before saying, “You’re all good. Bye!” Kel and Mario went to sign their names too, and I gave Mario a big hug, with tears in my eyes, and told him I love him. Mario said he loves me too, and Katie demanded that she gets invited to our wedding. I clocked out for the last time, and went to process out so I could move out. Processing out was fairly easy. By the time I was all processed out and ready to move out, it was already 10pm. I texted Russell to let him know I was on my way back, and he said he’d meet me in the Commons lot. When I got there, I was nervous about talking to security, but it was thankfully a guard who likes me. “Hey, so they’re here to help me move out. Is that ok? Do they need to sign in?” The guard shook his head and laughed. Moving out wasn’t too bad since I packed most of my stuff already (just had to pack my pillows and blankets lol). Getting everything to the car was an adventure since one of my totes weighed more than I did. Soon enough, we got to my house, unloaded everything into the basement, and decided to let Tee (who was with us, btw) meet Seamus (my dog). She thought he was the cutest little dog ever.

On Halloween, I realized at 4:30pm we had no candy for the trick or treaters. How rude! I ran to Walmart, and Walmart had already set out their Christmas candy. No Halloween candy in sight. I ended up buying a Snickers variety, Reese’s, Dubble Bubble (my mom insists on this. Idk why), M&Ms, and gummies for the trick or treaters, and Almond Joys for myself. I then dressed into my Big Bird onesie and passed out candy to the trick or treaters.

November

November 6th, I voted ALL blue. Ok, MOSTLY blue. I voted for one red, because the blue candidate was an asshat. He apparently refused to test rape kits, which was a huge turn-off for me. Plus, the red candidate acted more Democrat than the actual Democrat candidate.

November 8th was wisdom teeth surgery day. I was nervous as all heck, but it ended up not being bad at all. I didn’t look when they put in the IV (my veins suck) and I was knocked out pretty quickly after the medicine was in (then again, my surgery was at 8:30am, so I may have fallen asleep on my own accord and they waited to make sure I was fully out). I can remember some things that were said while I was asleep (which freaked out one of the dentists) and everything that I said after I woke up. Contrary to popular belief, getting ‘loopy’ and ‘high’ isn’t too common after getting them removed. The first thing I said was, “Did the surgery happen yet?” because I thought I had only been asleep for five minutes. The dentist said yes, and went to get the surgeon, and I asked again because I didn’t know if she said yes to me or someone else. I looked at the clock, and noticed I was out for an hour. My whole mouth was numb, so I really didn’t know if it happened or not. The dentist returned, and asked for my mother’s name. I told her, and she left again. She then returned again and my mom was with her. The surgeon then came in and asked if I had questions, I asked him if it was over, and he said yes. I then asked to see the teeth, and he said no because they were in pieces and already thrown out (the dentist thought it was hilarious though). The surgeon then reminded me to not use straws til the wounds were closed, to replace the gauze as often as I needed, and to eat soft foods and incorporate more as I’m comfortable. He then wrote me a prescription for an antibiotic and a prescription for Vicodin. We stopped at CVS to get the medicine, and that’s when my mouth began to hurt. My mom was hesitant to let me take the Vicodin because she was afraid I’d develop an addiction (I kinda was too because I watched every episode of House MD, but I also thought that I was smart and knew when I had a problem).

The bleeding in my mouth stopped after a day and a half, the pain subsided after three days (I never once took a Vicodin), and I was able to eat most foods that weren’t super crunchy (e.g. chips, carrot sticks, crackers, popcorn) and drink from a straw within 10 days.

On November 21st, I went to Georgia with Russell and Tee for Thanksgiving. The trip down took about 13 hours (lots of traffic and construction, plus counting in time to eat and go to the bathroom), and I slept in the backseat for some of the trip. When we got to his aunt’s house, we were greeted by his two cousins (Cailen and Jacob) and Cailen’s boyfriend. His aunts (Sherrie and Tracy) joined us a few minutes later with pizza. Tracy first saw Russell and gave him a hug, and then she saw me sitting in a chair in the corner. She went up to me and said, “We’re a family of huggers, so get used to it.” I laughed and hugged her, saying I was a hugger too. We ate pizza together and his family asked questions to get to know me. Russell thankfully told them ahead of time to not be offended if I’m quiet at first, and that I’d be more open with them after I warm up to them. At bedtime, we put sheets on Sherrie’s roommate’s bed (who had left for the holiday) and fell asleep.

November 22nd was Thanksgiving. I sound asleep until I woke up to Russell shaking my shoulder. I opened one eye, and Russell asked me what I wanted from Starbucks. I muttered my order and fell back asleep. I ended up getting out of bed a few minutes later, and saw the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade was on (I never watched it as a kid). Sherrie asked me if I wanted to taste-test a new recipe of hers, and I said yes. She made pumpkin waffles. The first batch looked good, but didn’t taste like much and had a pillowy texture. I didn’t hate it though. The second batch was ugly looking, but it tasted better and the texture was pancake-like. Russell returned with Starbucks, doughnuts, and McDonald’s breakfast. He got me an Egg McMuffin, and I gave him the Canadian bacon. After breakfast was done, we relaxed for a bit before starting making dinner. I helped out in the kitchen by pitching ideas and finding casserole dishes. While the cooking was going on, we played What Do You Meme and Social Destruction. One moment I’ll remember most was when Russell was talking about all the places he was applying, and he jokingly asked me if I would move to Pittsburgh with him, and I sincerely answered with, “Yes.” When dinner was ready, Tracy went to say the blessing, and Russell kept poking my ribcage, which made me laugh and made Tracy irritated. Once the blessing was done, we ate. It was a great dinner, and the chocolate pecan pie was amazing. After dinner was done, we watched the football game and Jacob kept bugging Russell to play video games. At bedtime, Russell asked me if I meant it when I said yes to moving with him, and I nodded. He then snuggled me and said, “That means a lot to me that you would move with me. The fact that you didn’t even hesitate to say yes or even ask if we could talk about that. The fact that you would move with me, it’s how I know this relationship is for real and that we’ll be together for a long time.”

On November 23rd, I woke up to Sherrie knocking and asking if I wanted to go to Bath and Body Works. Hell yeah, I wanna go! I took a quick shower, and then me, Sherrie, and Tee were on our way (Russell didn’t want to go lol). There was a deal that if you spent $30, you got a tote for $30. I definitely wanted that deal, and I ended up spending.. $144. Oops! We then stopped at Starbucks, and I got a souvenir mug with Georgia on it as well as coffee. We then stopped at home and hung out for a bit while waiting for Cailen to get off work so we could go shopping at The Mall of Georgia. Once we got the message that Cailen was off, we met her at her workplace and went to stop at Cook Out to meet up with Russell’s friend Monkey (not his real name) and his girlfriend Laikyn. I just got a milkshake since we planned to go to Cheesecake Factory for dinner. We all then went to the mall, with Sherrie and Tee in one car, Monkey and Laikyn in another, and me, Russell, Cailen, and her boyfriend in another. The parking lot was PACKED. It took Sherrie about five minutes to get a spot, Monkey about 20 minutes, and it took Russell an hour. Fun stuff. We met up with them at Bath and Body Works (Sherrie found the color tote she wanted there) and then we went off to Spencer’s. I have no idea how, but I managed to spend more at Spencer’s than I did at Bath and Body Works. $153. Whoops! We then went to Cheesecake Factory to get a table, and there was a 45 minute wait. They gave us a buzzer, and we went to Books-a-Million to wait since it was cold and raining outside. We browsed around, and Russell found a book called Gray’s Anatomy (I laughed, and told him the show was Grey’s with an e, not an a). We went back to Cheesecake Factory about 30 minutes later, and we got our table pretty soon afterwards. I got a pasta dish, and it was pretty subpar. I then shared an Oreo cheesecake with Russell since I’m not the biggest fan of cheesecake. 

On the 24th, I got to meet Russell’s grandmother, Tee’s mother, Miss Linda (that’s how she introduced herself to me). I was nervous to meet her since she has dementia and lives in assisted living. I was polite and courteous throughout. She asked me for my name a few times, and she asked me what I like to do for fun. I mentioned that I’m a dancer, and she called me Twinkle Toes. After our visit (we only stayed about 20 minutes, since Miss Linda would probably forget we were ever there anyway), we went to Captain D’s, which is a much better version than Long John Silver’s. After lunch, we made the drive down to Commerce, which is where Russell grew up. He gave me a little tour of where he lived, where he went to school, and a hospital that Miss Linda used to run, and I laughed upon seeing a furniture store called Badcock. We were waiting for Russell’s friend Sergio to get off work, so we went to pass time at Tanger Outlets, where I’ve never been before. We drove around, looking at the stores that were there, and out of all the stores there, I wanted to stop at the cookie shop. After we finished driving around Tanger Outlets, we went to Starbucks. Finally, Sergio was off, so we went to see him. We only stayed for a few minutes, and we invited Sergio to come over tomorrow to play games. We then got back to Sherrie’s house and ate our leftovers from Cheesecake Factory.

On the 25th, we decided to stay at home and chill. Sherrie asked me to go to Starbucks with her, and I went because Starbucks. At 3:30pm, Monkey and Sergio came over, and Cailen came over around 4pm to play too. At 6pm, Cailen left, and we went to a Mexican restaurant for dinner. I got a marg and vegetarian nachos, and the marg ended up being stronger than expected. I became dubbed as “drunky” because of how out of it I was after drinking it. I couldn’t remember much of what happened, except for telling everyone how much I love Russell, wanting to go to Atlanta Beach, and rapping Anaconda. Oh, another thing. When Monkey asked me how I met Russell, I kept answering, “Fire Emblem” because Russell doesn’t want Tee to know we met online, let alone on Tinder, and I don’t like lying (Russell had told everyone we met at school, which really isn’t logical since I’ve never gone to his university. The lie I ended up creating was I was with my sister for a college visit and we met while I was there). Russell, Monkey, Sergio, and Tee all played Mario Kart, and I watched.

The next morning, me and Russell woke up, and he asked if I remembered last night. I shook my head, and he filled me in on all the details. I laughed. I then got up to shower since we had to head back to Ohio (back to reality). As we were getting ready to go, Sherrie got up and gave us Christmas presents. I was surprised she got me something too. She got me a pair of leg-warmers, which I was happy about since I could always use leg-warmers in ballet class. I thanked her, and after everything was packed, we went on our way... but first, we stopped in South Carolina to see Russell’s friend Mole (whom I had spoken to on the phone a bit). We met at Mole’s workplace and we talked for a bit. It was good to have a face to his name after speaking to him. After leaving, Russell wanted to see Clemson University, since that’s where Mole goes. After taking a little unofficial tour, we went to Waffle House to get some breakfast. We then hit the road on our way home. Traffic was much better on the way back home... til we got to Ohio. It started snowing pretty hard, and people don’t know how to drive in snow in Ohio. When I saw we were going 30 miles per hour on the highway and had passed a few spin-outs/wrecks, I called my mom and asked her not to take the highway on the way home from the studio. We got to my house safe and sound, and I found Seamus in the living room by himself. I took him outside, and kissed Russell goodbye since he had finals coming up and I wouldn’t see him for a little while. Seamus came over to us and he was growling at Russell. I told him to “be nice to my boyfriend” and Russell called him. Seamus came over, sniffed him, and... barked. I looked over at Tee, who was sitting in the car, and she started cracking up at Seamus barking at Russell. I told Russell to drive carefully, and took Seamus inside. 

November 28th was Fiona’s 16th birthday. We asked her if she wanted to go to the studio with us, but she said no. I didn’t want to do nothing for her birthday, so I asked Mom if we could get Dairy Queen for her. We picked Fiona up from Moira’s apartment and we bought her some ice cream.

On the 29th, my dance teacher asked me to join the tap class that took place before my ballet class because there were only two in the class and she want to merge them with the advanced class (the class I take). I asked if I would be in two tap classes, and she nodded. I then asked if I would look ridiculous since I’m 12 years older than them, and she said that I wouldn’t height-wise since Alana is my height and Caroline is taller than me, but I might look more advanced since I’ve been tapping longer than they’ve been alive. I lastly asked if she was asking anyone else to join, and she said she was asking Clare to join too since we were the only two that weren’t in a jazz class. I pondered it for a minute, and agreed. She then asked Clare to join, and Clare didn’t even hesitate to say yes after she found out I was in too. Yay for a second tap class.

December

On December 5th, I decided to get a head-start on joining the tap class so I could get a feel for where they are technique wise and learn their warm-ups. 

December was quite a frustrating month for me. I kept getting rejections after rejections. My dad yelled at me about getting a job because he wanted me to get my own phone bill, and yelling at me didn’t help at all! It completely frustrated me.

On December 15th, I got to see Russell. We went to Dave and Busters. He beat me in our first 2 out of 3 for Skee Ball, and I beat him in our second round. I beat him in Mario Kart, which made him mad and me laugh. He beat me at Connect 4 and I beat him at Pac-Man. We also did some of the “win tickets” games, and I won the 500 ticket jackpot on a Plinko-like game after he won 5 tickets. I thought he was going to be mad again, but he looked shocked. “That was honestly impressive” was all he said. After we ran out of tokens on the play card, we got dinner. I got the veggie burger, and it was the best veggie burger I’ve ever eaten! I offered Russell a bite, and he hesitantly accepted. He looked skeptical putting into his mouth, but he looked amazed that it actually tasted good. After dinner, we played some more. After we ran out of tokens, we went to go get prizes. I took home a plush Tommy Pickles, and Russell took home a plush Ren and a Plush Pikachu. We then went to Dairy Queen to eat ice cream and then Russell asked to see my dance studio since it was in the area. I showed him where it was, and pointed out where everything was from the windows. Afterwards, he dropped me off at my house. 

December 18th, my mom asked if we wanted to go to the mall when she got home from work. We all said yes (I needed to buy something for my dad still, Fiona wanted to spend time with Mom, and I made Bridgid come with because I didn’t want to walk around the mall by myself since the mall has become a prime spot for human trafficking. Gotta use the buddy system!). Me and Bridgid went to Dick’s to find a present for Dad, and I bought him an 18 pack of orange golf balls. I then took Bridgid to Spencer’s, and limited myself to buying only two shirts. We then went into Forever 21 (Bridgid’s favorite store) and I bought a sports bra (that ended up being too small), leggings (that ended up fitting good), and socks (they had Minnie Mouse on them!). We decided to walk around, and I saw that Payless was having a sale: 40% off the entire store! I bought some nice shoes to wear on Christmas (Dad always gets on my case for wearing sneakers to Christmas) and some tie-dye socks. Finally, we went to find Mom and Fee in the food court. Mom saw all my bags and rolled her eyes. Oops. We then went to leave the mall. We parked at Sears, so we went through Sears to get to the car. As we walked, I saw an ugly Christmas sweater vest, which reminded me of Grandma. I called for Mom, and she came over, saw the vest, nodded knowingly, and led me away.

December 22nd, I met up with Russell for our little Christmas celebration. We drove to IHOP for dinner, and decided to open presents before going in. I got him a Saints sweatshirt that had autographs from Drew Brees and Alvin Kamara and two t-shirts from Spencer’s (one that read “In my defense, I was left unsupervised” and “I didn’t mean to end up this sexy, but shit happens”), my mom got him a Saints football, and Bridgid got him a McDonald’s gift card. He didn’t have a physical present for me because he was getting me a platinum pass to Cedar Point (this man is a keeper!), but Tee got me a blanket that came with cherry blossom lotion, a sleep mask, and peanut butter cups (Russell told her that they’re my favorite). I got Tee a Jack Skellington t-shirt, a jaguar print blanket, and Trident cinnamon gum (because I know that’s her favorite). We then ate dinner in IHOP and then we went to the mall. We then stopped at Walmart to walk around and buy graham crackers for my cookies. We then went to Steak n Shake to spend more time together and get milkshakes for dessert. After we got done, we hung out in a park. 

On December 23rd, we went to Moira’s house. I got Moira a body spray and both of them a CrockPot. Moira got me a shirt, leggings, and mascara. Adam got me lotion, socks, and a candle.

Christmas Eve, I made peanut butter blossoms and s’mores cookies. Both recipes turned out amazing. Score for me!

Christmas morning, I set my alarm for 8:30 because I was under the assumption we were going to 9am Mass. When nobody else was up, I hit snooze. I intended to get up shortly after 9am so I could shower, but I ended up sleeping til 10:30. Oops! I dressed for Church and did my hair as neatly as possible, promising myself to shower afterwards. Thankfully, my dad didn’t complain about it. After Church, my dad wanted coffee, but McDonald’s was closed. Thankfully, the Dunkin next door was open. We went in and got coffee and doughnuts. After getting home, the first thing I did was get in the shower. Later on, we went to my uncle’s house on my dad’s side for Christmas dinner. After dinner and presents, we went to my uncle’s house on my mom’s side for presents and dessert. Once we got home, it was time to open our own presents. I got an iPhone 7+ (it was time for my upgrade anyway, so it worked out perfect), a new pillow, a blanket (I love blankets), some clothes, and new bedsheets. It was a wonderful Christmas.

On December 28, I met up with someone I hadn’t seen in a very long time... Ashlyn! We were so excited to see each other, especially since it had been 2.5 years. We got dinner at Applebee’s and got dessert at Menchie’s. I was glad to spend time with my best friend.

New Year’s Eve, I spent with Russell. We got a hotel room for us to spend time together and have some fun. *THE REST IS TMI* I felt a little bad though because Russell had brought Trojans, just in case we went that far, and I was too scared to do it. I got upset, and Russell held me and reassured me that he loves me and that he respects my decision to not do it. Later on, though, I allowed him to do just the tip, so the Trojans got a use after all. 

Well, that was 2018. What an amazing year. I came into 2018 single and sad. I’m leaving 2018 taken by an amazing man and happy. Hopefully 2019 will be good too.

[canaryatlaw]

WOW I’VE BEEN AWAKE FOR 23 HOURS SO THAT’S FUN. lol, I did nap shortly this afternoon but I don’t think I actually fell asleep. but yeah, this morning my alarm went off at 3 am (eastern time, so 2 am central where it’s now 1 am) and I got out of bed, got ready, and thankfully got an uber to the airport (I was kinda worried we wouldn’t be able to get one at that hour in Jacksonville because, well, it’s not exactly Chicago), and were there shortly after. There were a surprising number of people in line for security for that hour, but the airport itself was pretty much abandoned, nobody was open yet. There were people inside the Starbucks (the front gate thing was down) but they weren’t opening until 5 and our plane took off at 5:15, so we’d already be long boarded since then, so breakfast was mostly a clementine and some belvita breakfast crackers we had. I attempted the second medium difficultly sudoku puzzle on the airplane magazine because it was the only one I hadn’t done yet, and I didn’t think I’d be able to finish it but I actually did, so I felt accomplished there. I pulled out my laptop to read some fanfic I had pulled up on my browser, then went back and did more sudoku because why the fuck not. I also ate some candy because I was hungry 🤷🏻‍♀️😂. Our plane landed at 6:45 am Chicago time, and Jess had to get to work by 8, so we were doing our best to get out of there but we had to wait for the shuttle to the economy lot (not the economy garage or the daily parking lot, both of which shuttles came before ours) so that took a while, and then the drive back up to the loop took a bit because Midway is pretty far on the south side. I pretty much jumped out of the moving car (okay that might be a slight exaggeration, but I definitely opened the door before the car stopped moving) at the Roosevelt red line stop so I could head over to school. I first stopped at the Starbucks across the street and got a venti pink drink (because it’s made with the refresher mix which is non-coffee caffeination) so I could try to wake up some more because the small cup of coke I had on the plane was not doing it. I then walked back to our building, as expected at 8 am, it was virtually abandoned, I’m pretty sure it’s the earliest I’ve ever even been at school, and I didn’t have class til 1 but I had plenty of stuff to work on so I settled into the PAD office and got to work. First was reading the case for civil rights for Wednesday, which clocked in at 36 pages, so I ended up reading the first half to figure out what was going on and then used the summaries to piece the rest of it together. Then came working on the rest of my Illinois Bar Exam application, which has been stressing me out a bit because apparently the DMV records I need to get them from NY can’t be downloaded online, I have to wait for them to send me a physical copy in the mail, which will probably not be postmarked by the April 1st deadline, which then puts my registration into the “really late” category and the fee jumps up another $350 (when it’s already like $1100 ffs) so I’d like to avoid that but I might not be able to 😑 as if they don’t have enough of my money already, I have to pay to take the test I’m forced to take to get certified as an attorney, and this is one I might not even take because as of now I’m gonna end up registering for the Illinois and New York bars, when in all likelihood (like 99% likelihood) I’m only gonna be taking one of them, which means I get to eat the $1K nonrefundable application fee 😑😑😑 wonderful, thanks government. So that took a while, but then I got back to my legal drafting assignment, which I’m fairly happy with right now, though at the same time I’m kinda nervous because my last few assignments have been getting such crappy grades, but I’m definitely putting more effort into this one and it is something I have real world experience doing, so that should help. plus we’re back in case-based reasoning, which is like, my jam, so I got to work finding an analogous case and stumbled upon a real winner that I was able to get a solid three paragraphs of analysis out of. It’s supposed to be 5-6 pages total, including the motion and brief in support of motion (basically the actual motion is a quick 1-2 page summary while the brief goes into details, but I just hit 5 pages on the brief and honestly I still have more stuff to say, so I’ll have to spend some time doing some editing and working on that. I’m trying to find a distinguishing case (meaning a case that goes against your argument that you can argue is distinguishable from the present case and that precedent shouldn’t apply) but since it’s motion to extend wardship a lot of what came up was juvenile justice stuff, not child protection, and it’s actually kinda hard to find info on those cases, so I may or may not end up finding one, but if there is one out there and I don’t find it (or ignore it) it could reflect badly upon me so I’m trying to avoid that for sure. A little after noon I stopped and got some salad from the place across the street (because yay salad~) and came back to school, eating my salad and then heading to civil rights. class was fine, I was feeling kinda antsy about maybe getting called on because I know it’s been a while, but not like super urgent about it so I wasn’t terribly surprised when I didn’t in fact get called on. Class ended, I dropped my book in the PAD office and then returned to Starbucks because I had to try their special “Crystal Ball Frappuccino” they were only having through today, because I had a birthday reward to use for a free drink and it was so kind of Starbucks to release a special drink for my birthday again, since back in 2015 they were featuring the birthday cake frap on my birthday, so clearly this was something I needed to try. It was pretty good! a solid peach flavor, I thought it was quite enjoyable. Took the train home and collapsed onto my bed for about an hour, though I don’t think I actually ever fell asleep, which is pretty typical for naps for me really. I got back up at 5 and spent a little while filling out the paperwork I need to send to the NY DMV tomorrow, then Jess came over and I ordered pizza. Jess gave me my birthday present, which is a super amazing and adorable friendship scrapbook featuring all our adventures so far and I love it so damn much and I feel super blessed to have gained an amazing best friend this year who’s made my life so much more fun. So we watched Mistresses waiting for Legends which we were of course very excited about because it was finally time for “I, Ava” which we had long been speculating on. I am already super tired and sleep is fast creeping up on me so I’ll try to keep this somewhat short (or we’ll see at least). I really liked the episode, I thought it was super well-written and just excellent all around. MY POOR BBY AVA. She was so obviously distressed but that scene with Sara reassuring her is my LIFE, and it gave me so much love, as did the following scene of them totally kicking ass together, just like, I am living my best life right now with my girls, my soft girlfriends who are totally endgame despite not officially being back together yet (I mean, Sara basically confessed her love for Ava tonight, so it’s really only a matter of time). Otherwise in the episode, the Nate and Kuasa/Damien stuff was pretty good, the one scene with Darhk and Nate pretending to be torturing Nate was fucking hilarious, they both played it so well. It’s gonna be a very interesting climax they’re building to with Darhk growing more and more concerned about his daughter and caring less about Mallus, and at this point (and given the promotional photos for 3x17 released today) it looks like Darhk may be the one the legends make an “uneasy alliance” with in 3x17. All the family stuff with Kuasa and Amaya and Mari (who I was kinda sad we didn’t get a cameo of, but I guess the actress is otherwise occupied) was both great and heartbreaking, so much emotion so well played by everyone. I wasn’t all that crazy about the Zari and Mick stuff, mostly because I feel like their characterization of Mick this season has been really poor, hitting an all time low tonight with him calling Zari a bitch. Like....what? I don’t understand why this is happening, it isn’t funny or entertaining, it’s just awkward. Give him something else to do please, and don’t keep writing him as a dumbass who’s just rude to everyone. But yeah, I liked the episode a lot (so much for keeping it short, but hey it happens). After the episode Jess was writing her episode tag and I attempted to get ice cream delivered because birthday but it ended up being a whole big fiasco and I wrote a very long note to postmates about it and I’m honestly hoping I get my money back because it was all just fucking ridiculous. but yeah, Jess finished writing, she left and I edited it for her while she walked home, then I started getting ready for bed and here we be. DV courthouse tomorrow, which I’m looking forward to because of course I genuinely enjoy working there. I only have two shifts left until I have to report my pro bono hours for school and I don’t think I’m gonna hit the 200 hours needed to get the award I want, and like, I’m somewhat tempted to fudge it but lying about pro bono hours sounds like a really not good thing to do....we’ll see I guess. Again, really fucking tired and glad I get to sleep until almost 11 tomorrow so I can at least catch up on sleep a little. Today was a lovely birthday. Goodnight my darlings. Have a lovely night.

[abynauts]

Storm and Hurricane

Did you know I prefer sleeping more rather going online and just sit in my computer in my spare time??

Hahahaha yeah :) Sleeping is good :) It rejuvenates your mind and body... or just pass time TIME TRAVELLING!!!

Do you love it so much that we can travel into different realities?

Next dream is about adventures, then horror, or a cat-&-mouse chase?? Or sometimes blended with romance ;)

I love sleeping and dreaming, it makes me forget my hectic lifestyle :)

But they also said that, those who sleeps a lot are the lonely ones... apparently I can see that...

A lot of things happened, I don't know where to start... The crucial ones maybe?

I had an argument with my bestfriend, and I apologized through a long letter notary and... I did not go so well.

I had trust issues with everyone I am with in my college life, I don't know if people befriend me because I am nice or

just because I am a daughter of a professor, or... they just want something for me.

Since then, I kept telling my bestfriend what I truly felt, my dormant feelings of anger and loneliness released unto her.

She understands me but when the time that she needs me... I wasn't there...

So that's how it began, bad news pouring here and there :)

Her tweets were the deadliest I've ever read... Somehow I feel like, everywhere I go is about sadness and guilt...

Maybe that's why sleeping was the best escape from me, I won't have to read them or skip on them because I am gone

from that reality...

Does this saddens you? I became even worse, even the person who believes in me is being ignored through sleep...

It saddens me, I can't tell this to any of my friends nor family... because I know the words that they would spill...

Say sorry and tell her how special she is to you. Win her back.

All of those righteous words, I don't think I can muster up the courage to...

Not in a state that I am in, all these college projects and stressful people... I don't know if I am in the right mind anymore

to make amends with her... and I can see her hurting the way as I am...

But I know there are people who are kind and loving to her, because she is someone who is kind and worth loving...

Me? I am a bit worthless...

I wish sleep would also make me travel into time and meet her on the right time and time... or messaged her I can't go.

It's reassuring to see happy... I want to be happy on my very best... even though everything left in me is just broken pieces

of my own conviction and cowardness...

I want to say sorry to everyone who have put up with me, I guess what ever they expect from me is something I will disappoint.

And here is to say that I love sleep... rather than this dense revolving world...

AND THAT WAS dark... and lonely... and pathetic... I don't know... maybe if someone could tell me how to feel...

All I feel is just self loathing... I hope someone can save me, change me... I don't know...

On the other hand... during this semester... I think I must have fallen for someone...

I don't want to say it to be true but I know how it goes haha

I've been in that madly in love state and it was the sweetest feeling ever, knowing that someone likes you...

A genuine feeling that you are a woman in this society haha not just some engineering student huh...

Well, I can say that it was a single ray of sunshine in my dark world...

This person though, he doesn't know who I really am... he can only see the outer me...

Maybe I am assuming things but here are evidences!!!!!!!!

1. He called me before, which was uncommon, he could ask someone else in our class...

2. He teased me before about my face towel, which is... WHY??? you also use face towel?

3. We tend to pass each other, which was uncommon but I really pass by him a lot when leaving the room.

4. His friends cough a lot when they are near lol

5. Once, I made him go first because its a gentlemanly way I could do (I'm a bit boyish hehe), but he insisted I go first and

it was a mini battle of me and him who to go first... in the end, I just let myself go so it won't be a big-a-deal.

6. During dance practice, our bags were moved away from the sun and I am a slow poke and unaware of the that I forgot

about my bag... suddenly it wasn't there, I even grabbed the wrong bag because of the same color. Then I saw him carrying

my bag and his and someone else...

7. When we had practice at the pent house (my place), he wanted to clean the place... I learned he was a neat freak and it

was fun to watch...

I must have ignored the other details but... I found them cute in a way, for a chance I was treated nicely... I remember my golden

days in high school... back then when I was madly in love with this special man... Because of that man, its hard to find a man as

perfect as him... Until this guy in my class came and doing all these weird action of gentleness.

He... he is a neat freak, grade conscious... well, when he gets low grades, he looks sad and all... I can see myself in him sometimes

:) except the neat freak ;_; I am stress all over here and there... He is sometimes funny... sometimes because I don't to tolerate

what every joy I feel LOL <-- see there?? WHAT PART OF DENIAL IS NOT OBVIOUS HERE? ugh... just writing this letter makes

me realize how I feel now... ugh... I also remember, back then we were also classmates and we were practicing for something...

Then I was so early, and so he was... and well I talked to him casually so it won't be awkward...

We don't really talk a lot, no relation significance or what so ever... It was a light and happy mood.

He was chatting our group mates who were no where to be found :)

And I used his phone and made weird chat messages in the group chat. Yep... I was that intensity of childlishness...

He was just there chill and composed :) How do we break this dude's spirit??

Well... that was one of the rare memories I tend to remember lol

He really is responsible, he made our section's remix music for the general assembly of our college :) Also some of the props.

He also looks cool dancing :) Also when he laughs about my dancing, seriously I am slow in everything that I don't get it all...

Atleast I knew he was looking at me... ugh what is this???

You don't just fall over someone who treats you in a way that no one has ever did... but it is really nice :)

Even if everyone you know is almost out of your life, still this kid mans up and show me the goodness in this world...

I wish I could thank him but that would mean I have feelings for him... and it would be painful if this is only one-sided...

Apart from that... before I became aware of these feelings... my friend already called dibs on him.

Hahahaha I guess that would be the comedic way of saying someone had declared their love for someone.

Good for her, being brave enough to tell her close friends about those feelings of hers :)

And those some close friends had the news all over class until it reached him...

Well, indirectly saying to his friend that she is alright but not someone he could return the same feelings...

Still, she shows that she cares, it was lovely :)

She is good spirited, I hope he sees that in her though...

But... she is my friend and I respect her decisions a lot, and its too late but I need to suppress what ever is starting inside my

head... and in my heart...

During our practices, they were pretty close.

Both of them assisting most of the things needed for the performance, their ideas sync together.

I also took photo of them... in commemoration of their fruiting interactions haha

I am happy she is happy with the photos... but I know some needles is prickling my heart at the same time...

The more they talk to each other... I observe my actions to be weird also...

Hurriedly moving away from what ever flame they are starting... fake laughing whenever she tells her fruitful confessions...

I want to be happy for her and so does hoping for him to look at her in a different light :)

Maybe, if I had the chance to love another man and maybe this was the right man... but at a wrong time and place...

Maybe I could fall for him... irrationally... secretly... til it disappears...

It is still a blissful feeling amidst this storm...