#it's time to Vent oh boy

[mozzaremi]

[nichiperi]

having a body is weird sometimes

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

sometimes. a bitch wanna be Held. that is it. I cannot change this

[hplonesomeart]

Heyyy….so I’m back to posting arts momentarily I guess (not like I went anywhere though. Still spending my life staring at a iPad screen for nine hours straight….hate this routine I loosely call “living” so much hahahahaha chronically online potato sack. Not doing so hot I can’t even anymore!)

Anyways uh-so I have a lot of scraped things because I’m loosing energy to do creative works I can’t keep pushing myself. Kinda accepted that I’ve weighed myself down exhausted myself with all this pressure and I need to let go. But it’s hard and honestly the last thing I want is fatigue again. But guess it’s a cycle for a reason huh. Can’t fight it off, just stuck powerless and letting it happen begrudgingly

So I made this unfinished gif (you can tell because the hand is missing and the background looks unidentifiable. Plus cigarette smoke just gave up on existing wow so relatable). Honestly I kinda set myself up to get stuck on the process of this anyways since I don’t like animating on Procreate. The layering frames system is a pain to navigate. Only reason I wanted to animate Mr. Puzzles using Procreate is for some level of gained “experience” and added brush diversity for the glitch effect. But guess it wasn’t enough to keep my attention. Started it on August 5th, probably abandoned it two days later or so. I don’t know it feels like a long long time ago by now but that’s just because I’ve been overwhelmed mentally and can’t keep track of days passing bye

And this is the simplified version (aka what I started with originally as a drawn base messy sketchy illustration)

[moonchild-in-blue]

Oh.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

nothing like a call from your mother to make that escapism feel extra sweet

[falldogbombsthemoon]

How can one stare at themselves in the mirror for hours and feel like they are the hottest mf on earth but as soon as a stranger looks at them, they feel like a shrinkled up pickle. Like God please.

[crabussy]

god I forgot how much staring at a screen for all my waking hours fucks me up and makes me miserable

[safyresky]

Scrimbly Jacqueline 19/20: I gave her a cloak. bitches love cloaks! (i'm bitches)

I also drew her staff! She has one, too :)

This nearly became Sorceress-Warlock Jacqueline from THIS AU. Didn't feel like drawing that fit tho so it's just regular canon Jacqueline, lol. (but picturing the scars and the eye patch she doesn't actually need but wears for the aesthetic was a FUN mental image at the beginning of the week! then the horrors persisted and I went WHO HAS THE SPOONS. NOT ME)

Drawing the whooshy cloak was fun. Colouring it was even MORE fun. I was going CRAZY last night trying to find a post I made where I described Jacqueline's staff?? I COULDN'T FUCKING FIND IT AND I S2G I READ IT THE OTHER DAY. LIKE EARLIER THIS WEEK. So hopefully my visual memory served me WELL and I don't find the post and go FUCKING EH at a later date, lol.

this scrimbly was very much a scrimbly lol. I think it took me like 10 minutes to doodle. I'm having a LOW ENERGY WEEK. Feelin burnt out af and dreading the weekend! Woo! Almost DIDN'T scrimbly! Thinking this week's little down spin is gonna push back Frostmas crossposting which is SUPER RUDE bc like. THE AESTHETIC. UPDATING ON THE UNLUCKY DAY. BOO!

RIGHT. DANI RANTS ASIDE, WANT SOME CS LORE/FACTS? BC I GOT SOME! WOO:

All four Frosts would pass the warlock test--the question is, do they fully embrace it? Fino does. Fiera does but like, second to the summer sprite training. Jack learns what's useful/what he wants/needs to. Jacqueline was FINE not warlocking, she's good with the snow, BUT Jack keeps nagging her to at LEAST take the test and when she passes it he's like c'mon. c'mon. warlock training. you know you want tooo I could teach youuuuu

She holds off for a VERY long time then gets schemey brain a couple of centuries down the line and goes for it. It's spoilery and I do want to keep this one close to my chest, BUT:

Essentially she learns that she has something someone needs/wants back and she can only do that by getting into the Warlock training! She uses this to try and bring two estranged people closer and when it doesn't go well she hits Jack up after hours and is like "so my plan is going. hmm. bad. let's start warlock training?" and Jack's like YEAH LET'S FUCKING GOOOO bc A) he told her so. B) he;s been wanting to get her started with the warlock biz for YEARS! AND out of ALL THE TEACHERS SHE'S COMING TO HIM (well. unofficially) and C) he is also enjoying the tea from her little scheme and about the two people in question, lol.

Anyway, enjoy the scrimble! Next week is some prohibition fun ft. Winter, I THINK. I'll have to check my notes 🤔🤔🤔

(and yes the heart clasp and pink in the staff are bc Dite)

[maxdurden]

i got that kind of mentally ill swag where everyone in my life knows that i need to be medicated except my therapist ✌️💕🌎

[skiesareblue]

so much art about being rejected romantically and not enough about how devastating it is to find out someone was only interested in you romantically and therefore your rejection of their romantic intentions is also their rejection of your platonic intentions

[rat-rosemary]

Ough vent but I'm just thinking about the friend I used to have who is a qsmp-er

Just venting under the cut

I genuinely can't belive I settled for a friendship so shitty. I'm very loud irl!! And aggressive!!! I can't belive I let them just... drag me along like that. I would accept their explanations and listen to all their rambles about the qsmp but if I even tried to take about my interests they would look at me weird.

I can't belive how much effort I put in. I have a shitty memory but I made an effort to remember their headcannons!! I drew them fanart when he was sad! God, I bended myself backwards to respect every single boundary they set (and mostly they were reasonable, but...)

It was one of the last times we talked that I fully realized they would never do any of that for me. It was at the start of the school year, after "The Truth" and before that, I had agreed I would not talk about the Dteam around them until the video dropped because the topic it was a bit of a trigger for my friend. When we talked face to face again it had dropped two months ago. But when I brought them up (after they talked about the qsmp) they looked at me weird and I realized they were never going to even attempt to match my energy. They just expected me to chance and stop liking what I liked.

(The way they hadn't even watched it or attempted to learn anything about it. It broke me a little. Just a few days their favorite CC had dropped a document talking about his abuse and I READ THAT SHIT. Even tho I didn't need to.)

Here's my advice: never put in more love then what you're being given, back out of any relationship that is hurting you and BY GOD DO NOT BEFRIEND A QSMP-ER

[writingfromruins]

1.

Mouth full of noise

Mouth full of other sharp things

Mouth gaping around a shattersound.

Mouth full of-

—

(Sorry)

—

The mouth is a vacant, violent thing.

The act of chewing your mouth back shut

draws blood like wick from a candle

2.

The sense of burning isn’t fire its just

the way your body isn’t built to tear at itself

from within because of the way your body

is built like this anyways,

anyways when the lungs cant hold air

anymore you get all your ribcage

lit up in neon in your torso.

Even with your eyes closed,

Pain makes you luminescent

3.

Over the years it has become more

and more of a conversation with yourself

that you’ve learned to decipher and this year

you spat the first sentence into existence

and responded with the grinding sound of

gravel pouring from your throat on

public transportation, on the damn train,

sitting cross legged on the floor during a delay,

cutting yourself off at the air supply.

Then apologizing with the same air

and throat and tongue convulsing as before

What else could it be but language?

4.

Mouth’s full of wet sound.

Nothing else you can do with it

but keep your air as still as suffocation.

Shallow grave breathing, dirt in the back

of your throat and you cough

and you cough

(Sorry)

and you cough

and all it does is lodge more and more grit

In your system

Your lungs are full too.

Thick wet mud comes coughing up tasting

like mucus and medicine. Like winter

coming back. Like it never left at all.

-

four meditations on a chronic condition // PD

[highly-opinionated-art]

[arbitersart]

i really oopsied taking on too much responsibility, huh

[roscoehamiltons]

small rant/thought spew about the whole zhou and zoo thing once again:

i think i said this in my post/rant yesterday about the whole zhou and zoo thing but i really doubt that every single person who called zhou 'zoo' in the grill the grid video is doing it out of endearment as a cute nickname lol. i'm not gonna name names in case if this somehow breaks out of containment but i rly doubt that certain ppl who 1) don't seem to be close to guanyu afaik and 2) have a history of being 'problematic' are calling him zoo out of endearment lol. but like i said before i could be cynical and just seeing a microaggression when there isn't one. and i will admit that i didn't know about it supposedly being a nickname from lance, so i do appreciate that lance fans are trying to correct that and defend their guy.

(also i want to say that: it's interesting to me that the majority of people, if not everyone, that i *know* for certain who are friendly with guanyu pronounced zhou as 'joe' instead of 'zoo' lol)

but i'm also seeing things about how it's disrespectful to call him 'guanyu' instead of just 'zhou' in chinese, and it's clear that they don't know chinese because that just isn't the case lol. in chinese, it's fine to call him 'guanyu' (especially if the person talking is older than him. if younger then it's better to be a little more formal but still acceptable if they're friendly) but you would never call him just 'zhou'. it's either full name 'zhou guanyu' or 'guanyu' or 'zhou *insert honourific here*' (like mr. zhou, teacher zhou or zhou-ge (ge is short for older brother)) but never just 'zhou'. i think people have a tendency to overthink about the fact that the surname is said before the given name, and then therefore everyone is just called by their last name instead of their given name since it's said first when that's not accurate lol.

i know guanyu prefers being called 'zhou' in english commentary, and it's perfectly fine to call him just 'zhou' in english ofc, since people refer to other drivers by only their last names all the time. but i suspect the reasoning behind guanyu wanting to be called 'zhou' is that it's more that it's easier for english speaking people to say than 'guanyu' especially since the 'yu' sound is not one that is in english. although here we are having discourse about his name 2-3 years later after he's joined f1 so maybe it's not that easy ~_~