#it's truly a plot that only gets richer if you add in the fact that the shinsengumi could be ronin and omegas

[ikemenomegas]

Having a resurgence in anime rewatches after nearly six years of watching k-dramas instead (blame bungou stray dogs, they haven't had a full season update since 2016 and until jjk I didn't see anything come out I wanted to watch) has been a trip. It's like being thrown full bodied through the looking glass to have a conversation with my thirteen year old self haha. Seeing as what I consider "old classics" includes Ouran Host Club, Hakuoki, Vampire Knight, Brave 10... maybe it's not such a mystery why we are here today... ^^'

[ackermanshoe]

Edited lmao: warning this is kinda pointless and alot of farfetched theory and a veryyy long post please read at your own risk 🤡

Edit again: my analysis when I started it 1 month ago: 👩‍💼🖨️📇✒️🖋️✏️

My post now: 🤡🤡🤡🕯️🕯️🤡

Edit: I started writing this like ages ago but I don't see my own point with this writting and I'm editing it after reading @nini14 's Ackerman breaking the cycle analysis and I feel like both of these go hand in hand. So without further ado:

Triangles

Let's see as we all are made aware that aot significantly revolves around trios of friends such as the following :

Although these are the main trios that is noticeable, other trios can be made out by taking some characters from their original trios to make trios based on looks / character and dynamics. And this is where my argument comes in with this trio:

Their dynamic has always been mother father and son. Now let me explain, idk if anyone has heard about the drama triangle but here

These terms can be applied to MLE trio, Levi being the persecutor, Mikasa is the rescuer and the victim being Eren. In the first 3 seasons at least, Eren was being taken away and his decisions constently put him in danger, Levi being the persecutor who always gives Eren what he deserves for being a pain the ass and Mikasa being the rescuer always siding with Eren and protecting him no matter what. Do you see it?

This is Mikasa to a T.

The following is an example of the dad being the rescuer and the son "junior" being a victim, and much like Eren, could possibly refuse the hand that is helping him.

So that being said now that we have an understanding of their dynamics in the relationship, let's get back to understanding a triangle. Did you know triangles are one of the strongest shape because it has three sides that rely on each other hence shifting their energies on to each side and it makes the perfect shape for a bridge, architectures favourite. Why am I tell you this?

Because these dynamics that every trio is made up of in aot is because they have strong relationships.

Someone mentioned isayama loves putting move triangles and I couldn't help but agree, look at how many times he has placed Eren historia and an angry Mikasa? And subtly he has always ( to me at least) hinted the love triangle between Levi Mikasa and Eren, outside of their father-mother-son dynamic. Personally this makes sense to me the most, fueled by mikasa's dream. A choice was there to make and she unknowingly chose Levi.

Now this brings me to the death of all the trios Levi has been part of, from Isabel & Farlan to hanjo & Erwin to where we are now. Our situation before S4 was EMA+Levi = 4 people but we all know that a square isn't as strong as a triangle so something shifted. Eren, even with him in it Armin and him were more connected as for Levi and Mikasa as a pair it was more obvious. Especially in the conversation EMA had in that stare place as depicted on @gilly-bj 's analysis on similarities between rivamika and Mika's parents. Not only was Mikasa placed directly next to Levi although being feets apart in reality but her lines "another conversation only you two understand" it. Visually and verbally divided Mikasa from Eren and Armin and connected her to Levi. Both alone.

Yet another triangle placed by isayama intentionally or not is Armin Mikasa and Levi.

Because a triangle represents the process of recycle and reuse it also represent the cycle of life, an on going thing that doesn't stop, a history that repeats itself. And going back to Ackerman finally breaking this cycle of tragic fate, will they?

The fact that the whole manga series start at chapter 0 is very suspicious in it self. Why does it isyamaa? A 0, a circle that comes back around? A 0 which represents both the ending and the beginning? Why is the 1st chapter called "to you, 2000 years from now"? ( That's such a fucking impactful chapter name gives me chills )

Before my theory start I just wanna add that the story started from a narrative perspective makes me wanna believe in rivamika even more. Did eldians share the same fate in 2000 years? Who knows, but I know for sure Erens and mikasa's dynamic as the impulsive hotheaded doer and their protective calm but strong friend thinker will continue forever just like the never ending triangles.

I forgot all these ppls names on chaoter 0 so PLS bare with me.

The main dude who heavily resembles Mikasa even tho he is a man, has a incredible power just like the Ackerman's as a human AND he can shift into a titan???? Last time I checked weren't Ackerman's the bio product of titans? Remember is science is on a ongoing journey and forever progressing towards the impossible ;)

Hmmm

The little girl who resembles Gabi, who has the same dynamic as Eren, the girl also looks up to his inhumanly powers, a little too much alike Eren's idolisation of Levi ( and looking up to Mikasa's strength I think )?

Lastly, chapter 0 makes me believe it was set in the future. Look at the buildings, 2 story buildings I don't remember seeing buildings like this in the pre time skip era have you? I could be wrong tho.

If Isayama is as smart as we think he is then he might have related this chapter to the whole plot of aot. 🤷 Or it could mean something. And here's where my theory comes in and it may not be the most favourable for eldians. Let me start with the good part tho, the guy who looked like Mikasa is could be a descendant from the Ackerman clan, but he isn't half and half like Mikasa and Levi, he's full blooded. Which might be why he has the power to shift ( idk this kinda don't make sense since Mikasa and Levi can't buy hush )

So let's say rivamika got married had a family they always wanted and had the peaceful life and 2000 years from then this guy^ existed. Oddly familiar to great great great grammakasa 💀💀.

The cycle never ended for eldians, the whole world could still be mad at them for Erens action and has the prejudice against them for a long time. And the fact that they can shift is never going to change even 2000 years in the future. And the guy ( omg I keep calling him the guy cause I literally can not be bothered figuring out his name ) who lives in a far more developed society with richer civilization within the wall. It could be possible that Ymir or someone erased the eldians memories ONCE AGAIN after the rumbling ended. Because Mikasa levi weren't effected they probably were excused and got to live as they pleased. This dude is also the reason why I believe isayama does not consider the Ackerman's as side characters at all. In the end the story might have actually started with them, alluding to "the ending is just the beginning" as said by kingsama himself. ( Wtf am I saying lol )

So yeah in conclusion as I said yes story is weirdly really influenced by a large amount of triangles and loops. And yes ackerman probably would break the cycle of death after all living through hell fighting hell all for what? If not recreating into a heaven, giving it new life. I do believe in rivamika living the life they are destined for with each other but eldians fate might just be too tragic for me to see them as truly free people who gets to roam around outside the walls as they please.

I guess my point is that everything that goes around will come around, that will bring good karma for the Ackerman's and maybe a repeation of the past for the rest of the world. 😩😩 I think I fully somehow believe Eren is gone for good. Unless isayama draws him waking up from a long dream on his bed then 💀👀👀 I will throw myself away.

Thank you for reading 💞 once again I'm so sorry this post isn't as good as I'd like it to be I am sleep deprived right now and it isn't worded as well as of like it to be. But hope my delulu ness was enjoyable at least. ✌️💀

[fandumbstuff]

The Star Wars Saga, ranked best to worst.

1. The Empire Strikes Back Directed by Irvin Kershner

Upon close consideration, I’ve come to the shocking conclusion that Empire is the best Star Wars film. There’s a wealth of world-building and character development here that in many ways makes Star Wars the living breathing universe it is now. A richly complex melodrama lies at the heart of Empire, giving a whole new meaning to the term “space opera”. The performances here are some of the strongest in the entire franchise. Mark Hamill not only fleshes out Luke’s character, but in his training with Yoda and his duel with Vader he establishes the profound nature of the force, and how every future character interacts with it. As Han and Leia, Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher create authenticity to their characters’ relationship. Often misinterpreted as playfully hostile or sassy, there’s a real and endearing sense of affection between them, particularly in the infamous “I love you”/”I know” line- shedding their previously petty flirtation and affirming their true feelings. The emotional crux of Empire lies not in the most memorable twist, but in the moments immediately following it - In Luke and Leia reaching out to each other, reconnecting a relationship that was lost, rekindling hope in the force after we thought it was lost.

2. A New Hope  Directed by George Lucas

I’ll be the first in line to make fun of dorky George Lucas and his woeful attempts at writing dialogue or romance. However, it’s pretty damn impossible to ignore what he achieved with Star Wars in 1977. The sheer audacity of his vision and his determination in executing it despite the naysaying from producers and supposed friends. Lucas had the bold idea of using cinema for it’s absolute worth- more than just a storytelling medium but a theatrical one. A cacaphony of sight and sound that could draw mass audiences and create a lasting impression. It’s a formula that every Hollywood and Bollywood blockbuster strives and more often than not fails to follow. It’s hard to dissociate A New Hope from the cultural phenomenon it helped create, but when you do, it stands as an impressive film on it’s own. Groundbreaking in terms of it’s visual effects and nostalgic in the simplicity of it’s sci-fi serial story, Star Wars ticked all the right boxes for so many people. If I was to boil Star Wars down to an essence, i think it lies in 2 scenes: Luke looking out at the binary sunset on Tattooine, and Han Solo yahooing after the Falcon saves Luke in the Death Star trenches. Those two scenes, Wistfulness and Exuberance, are the two sides of one concept- Adventure. Star Wars ignited those emotions in every child’s imagination, and it’s a flame that’s likely to never go out. 

3. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story Directed by Gareth Evans

Hard to believe this is a Disney movie. While the house of mouse may have a reputation for emotional gut punches in kids movies, it’s never felt quite so... permanent. Rogue One is an unrelenting emotional journey barelling towards surefire tragedy. We spend moments with characters that seem to be carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. The sense of desperation that permeates the movie almost overpowers any sense of heroism. It’s so unlike anything we’ve seen in a Star Wars movie. Their courage comes from a place that is wholly genuine and believable. We see the rebellion for the despondent group that they are. Sorely outnumbered by the Empire, their actions in this movie show a reckless, darker side to them and makes the morality of Star Wars so much more complex. The first time we meet Cassian Andor- the stand out performace of the film by Diego Luna- we see him kill another rebel to protect their secrets. It’s a movie that reframes the original Star Wars trilogy, making it a richer, complex universe and more intriguing as a result. Also, the last five minutes might be the best five minutes in any Star Wars movie.

4. Return of the Jedi Directed by Richard Marquand

The one sore spot in the original trilogy for me are the Ewoks. I realise it's ridiculous for me to complain about kid-friendly creatures in a kid's movie, but Star Wars has done this a lot more tolerably in the form of Porgs and Baby Yoda. Just something about these furry, Tibetan speaking monsters who somehow have the wherewithal to defeat an elite and well equipped empire rubs me the long way. Anyway, other than that, the movie's pretty fantastic. The culmination of Luke's journey comes to a head in an extremely emotional and effective climax. John Williams score crescendos to operatic heights and Mark Hamill's stellar performance sells Luke’s torment. It’s also worth noting that in those final moments of moral dilemma, Darth Vader is silent- it’s David Prowse’s performance entirely that sells this. His incredible presence throughout the trilogy builds to this moment and you can feel the weight of it in those closeups on Vader. Every other cast member rounds the story out perfectly- from Lando and Han’s playful rapport to Leia’s more militaristic side in planning the rebellions final moves. I still bemoan the fact that they changed the final song- an opinion that I’m apparently a minority on- but it’s a pretty incredible ending altogether and wonderfully cathartic to watch over and over again.

5. The Last Jedi Directed by Rian Johnson

With Last Jedi, Rian Johnson analyzed the universe Star Wars inhabits, and what drives it’s characters. The characters that we love are pushed to their limits, struggle against insurmountable odds and their own innate flaws. And we see all of them fail in turn. It is remarkably bleak, but not without purpose. It is out of this failure that the Resistance needs to recoup and come back stronger. The performances here, are arguably the best you’ll find in the entire franchise. Daisy Ridley has to break down Rey’s naivete and find a deeper sense of self actualization. Adam Driver hands in some of his best work, by swerving the audience into believing Kylo Ren and then creating a desperate plea in THAT throne room scene, and eventually turning him into a snivelling villain, all in the same movie. Mark Hamill’s performance here is heartbreaking- revealing the bleakest version of Luke, and struggling to find his redemption. Last Jedi is a bold deconstuction of these characters, of what they stand for, and what makes Star Wars beautiful.

6. The Force Awakens Directed by J. J. Abrams

In many ways, a safe movie to announce the return of Star Wars. But it’s hard to fault this. Disney’s decision making was shrewd here, bringing on J. J. Abrams to pay homage to George Lucas’ original vision, returning the franchise to it’s roots of practical effects and shooting on film. There was something truly special about experiencing this film in theatres, so much so that I did it eleven times. It captured a sense of wonder for fans new and old- hearing the scream of Tie Fighters, John Williams herald the return of the Millenium Falcon, and the look of awe on Rey’s face as she clutches her destiny in her hand. I’ll be honest, the film loses some of this magic without the shared experience of an audience, and it’s flaws are more noticeable. But being swept up in the excitement of adventure felt so darn good in 2015, and that’s so key to this franchise.

7. Revenge of the Sith Directed by George Lucas

This movie has risen so much in my opinion, entirely due to the animated Clone Wars series. Revenge of the Sith depicts the overwhelming tragedy that frames the original Star Wars. Watching Clone Wars explains explicitly what makes this film so tragic. But it’s more than that- it’s a catastrophic failure on behalf of the Jedi Order. Ignorance and pride allow evil to fester and grow. George Lucas took the simplicity of the moral struggle he established in 1977 and tried to give it depth and complexity with the prequels, and it pays off in Revenge of the Sith. It leads into the original trilogy quite brilliantly, with a promise of hope and resilience.

8. The Phantom Menace Directed by George Lucas

It has not aged well. While the advent of CGI I’m sure felt exciting at the time, and you almost can’t fault George Lucas for his insistence on staying at the forefront of VFX innovation as he has always done, it’s his reliance on so much of it that fails horribly. Like a kid in a candy store, Lucas stuffs the pockets of this film with so many bizarre effects for absolutely no reason. That sea monster scene is one of the worst displays I’ve ever seen and it’s absurd that it sits in a Star Wars film. Add to that the boring political plotline and ridiculous midichlorian dilemma and there’s very little redemptive about this film. However, it does have podracing, and Duel of the Fates, and it’s remarkable how much that salves the wound.

9. The Rise of Skywalker Directed by J. J. Abrams

Alright, well obviously this film has been problematic. However, I’m not about to bemoan the idea that Disney has ruined Star Wars and I have nothing left to live for. So let’s all just calm down. Ultimately J. J. Abrams was faced with the impossible task of wrapping up the Skywalker saga, with very few Skywalkers to work with. I firmly believe this would have been a very different film if Carrie Fisher was around to complete her performance. But left with nothing but the new cast, Abrams is caught between summing up the past while also looking to the future. It forces an awkward plotline with Palpatine- despite Ian McDiarmid's solid performance, the writing here seems wildly derivative of the franchise. There are some truly beautiful scenes, most notably the chemistry that Adam Driver gets to share with Harrison Ford, and Joonas Suotamo’s critically emotional outburst as Chewbacca. Some of the production design and score is so entirely different from the rest of the franchise it's inherently intriguing. But there’s very little here to save some of the poorer choices the film makes: the open plot hole with Finn, the derailing of Rey’s character development, and most crucially, the deeply perturbing culmination of Rey and Kylo’s relationship. The audience literally went “ew”.

10. Solo: A Star Wars Story Directed by Ron Howard

The biggest problem with Solo is that it operates under the presumption that people will be enamoured and invested in it. Not just in one movie, but in an entire series of movies. Solo clearly operates as a setup for further sequels. As a result, many plot lines remain unresolved, and Qi’ra winds up being a completely under-baked character. Her motivations make no sense, and a twist ending that I assume was supposed to be exciting is instead downright confusing. There’s a lot of unnecessary exposition into Han’s past too. As an origin story, I don’t need to know every aspect of Han’s past- especially not cute winks at inane things like “Why’s he called Solo?”. All this being said, The movie features some solid performances- Donald Glover is expectedly phenomenal as Lando, and Alden Ehrenreich excels as Solo, adding some welcome flavour to the character- particularly his friendship with Chewbacca, and a brilliantly executed final scene between him and Woody Harrelson’s Beckett.

11. Attack of the Clones Directed by George Lucas

How in the world this film made it all the way to production and into filming, with no one pulling Lucas aside and saying “Hey George, those kids have no chemistry” is beyond me. And I’m not going to blame Hayden Christensen or Natalie Portman on this one, because the whole damn love story makes no sense. Maybe falling for a dude who admits he murdered women and children isn’t such a great idea? Then there’s the increasingly convoluted political climate set up in Phantom Menace, and the machinations of the dark side that would take the entire Clone Wars series to fully explain. All this being said, Temuera Morrison, Samuel L. Jackson, Ewan MacGregor AND Christopher Lee are all in this movie. And they’re pretty damn fantastic.

12. The Clone Wars Directed by Dave Filoni

It’s inexplicable that Dave Filoni would go on to have a hand in some of the best Star Wars content ever made in Clone Wars, Rebels and the Mandalorian. And yet he got his start in the franchise by putting up this piece of junk. And junk is being a little generous. The humour is so juvenile it’s insulting to even the youngest of audiences it’s intended for. The plotline feels way to thin to warrant a feature film, and if this was in fact intended as a pilot for the TV series, they sure picked to most uninteresting story to pique our interest. Skip the movie, watch the show. 

[smellycinnamonthundahfudge]

The Black Widow Essay

one of em anw, lol

i'm just gonna start with the very beginning of the film, cause start to finish, they put so much detail in and you can tell everyone really cared to make natasha's story as full & vibrant as they possibly could.

them showing how early on she liked dying her hair or was used to it, even as a child?

as well as such innocent sweet things as this scene

all possibly subtly hinting these girls’ physical capabilities and their dark upbringing or who they really are as spies???

just, how seemingly normal child like things could be subtle hints toward something darker??

but it was STILL something innocent and sweet nevertheless whether they were able to do that cause of their training??

LOVED THAT.

the fact that NAT HAD FRIENDS??? WHEN SHE WAS A KID???

so important to me...

(cause they didn't really need to add that,... but they did)

how the whole operatives pretending as fake families made perfect sense cause they do it all the time in spy movies…

and how yeah, if there were child spies, then they could be used for spy families,

but this was the first movie that DARED to talk about the complexity of it all…

of a fake family being the only family that you had.

I bring this up because I just fucking love it and it reminds me of what they did in wandavision

rushed holidays and birthdays and normal family occasions all in one, because that was all they could get…

the idea of fake empty families in both bw and wv and jac schaeffer being involved with both of em??? gods im in love hahahah

in other spy movies, it’s just so plot focused…

they’re disguised as this to get to this and blablabla

they don’t dare to talk that they were more than their mission

that they have interests hobbies hopes dreams AND LIVES, beyond their work

(say what you will about captain marvel, but I will repeat, it was the first to show women had lives interests hobbies dreams beyond the work that they had...)

i just... the spy families thing is always so plot-centric, but this one, the infiltration aspect had an emotional side to it since it meant that they could all get a reprieve from their normal horrific lives

that's what i ADORE from this film, when they do something, they always hit for the most emotional, most moving, compelling way it can be told or shown

because, all this time we’ve been told, she’s a child assassin, she’s a child spy, she started when she was young dadadaaa

in other movies, they probably could’ve explored this by showing the violence

what was done to her, to show the meaning of what they did to her…

but you know what I absofuckingtutely die for??

they showed the meaning of the violence through this

that BECAUSE of what was done to her…

she could do that

SHE COULD PROTECT SOMEONE ELSE FROM SUFFERING THE SAME FATE AS SHE DID

all, in the first FIFTEEN 15 FUCKING MINUTES…

I just love how the never endless mention of the child assassin thing

the heaviest meaning of that was so beautifully shown like this…

like, YEAH

THIS.

THIS IS WHAT BEING A FUCKING CHILD ASSASSIN MEANS.

SHE’LL STEAL YOUR GUN, SHOOT TO KILL

ALL TO PROTECT HER INNOCENT, YOUNGER, SISTER

oh wait, I also just love the action of the plane scene

it had so much stakes, I was genuinely panicked and fearing for all of them..

melina was shot, nat was flying the plane, yelena was a terrified baby, alexei was even hanging from the freaking wing…

it wasn’t just weightless action, random kicks and punches on screen…

it was a family fleeing for their lives.

I just wanted to commend the incredible stakes the creatives made sure to put into the film’s first action scene is all.

they could have phoned this in and just have hopper punch some dudes

but they WANTED you to root for this family

they WANTED you to feel scared for them, care about them.

THEY CARED.

the first action scene nat ever did, was to protect her sister…

they could have shown her take down some men following after them…

but they DECIDED for nat to show her full capabilities… when it would matter most.

THEY CARED.

AND… NO ONE, NOT NEARLY ENOUGH PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT IT.

you know what I love about the budapest reveal??

they could have just kept it at the clarifying what actually happened thing

and all of us in the audience can revel in the fact that

shooting it out with the hungarian guard and blowing up a building

was in nat’s eyes

just like a literal alien invasion of floating monsters descending from a portal in the sky

just… bask & appreciate the comedy of this guys…

nat’s so funny, I cant…

no okay, they could have just kept it at that…

but they decided to add WHAT HUMANITY THEY COULD IN THAT BACKSTORY.

and they had nat & clint play tic tac toe in the air vents they were hiding out on…

they didn’t have to do that, but they did…

and not enough people appreciate it enough.

people are already talking about how excellent and wonderful it was, the conversations and commentaries on choice are and I’m only here to say YES MORE OF THAT SHARE IT TO EVERYFREAKING ONE GODDAMN IT

in most marvel movies, the female character & the hero usually just either butt heads or the female just helps out the hero in whatever they need to do, they’re the infallible support structure that keeps the hero up

I think… this is why the dynamic between yelena and nat, hits so goddamn hard…

your pain makes you stronger

so much of this film talks about how their pain made them stronger, the best example of this I believe, is the scene in cuba

what I said about the child assassin repetition all concluding to that “I will kill you all, DON’T TOUCH HER” scene…

her pain was LITERALLY what enabled her to do that.

but I bring back the film’s crux line, cause it’s what I think truly separates and makes yelena and nat’s dynamic so much richer more complex and beautiful to me…

the pain of their past.

nat’s insistence of their time together in america not being real, and her dismissing everything in her past as a widow of the red room as horrible and just something she needed to get away from…

it reminds me of a scene from a show my family watches,

new amsterdam. in it, a woman, escapes a house of neglect and abuse. but she also left behind her younger sister in that household, and naturally, feels deeply guilty about it.

but, her therapist said to her, “you saved the only person that you could.”

and, … I can’t think of anything better to fit nat’s situation.

her dismissal of everything in her past as horrible was a fucking coping mechanism…

it made leaving everything behind, easier…

“it wasn’t real, so there isn’t anything to hold onto” nat herself says

she saved the only person she could… herself.

sigh…

most marvel movies usually just have its theme as “be who you were meant to be”

tony, thor, quill, & rocket learned selflessness

peter parker learned to appreciate what HE had, and not focus on what he was escaping from and to

steve figured out who he was in a new world

t’challa reckoned with the sins of the past

(scott’s just a dad)

carol learned to own her power and who she truly was

but nat??

yeah, sure, she could also fall under that theme.

but I just… I honestly believe the abuse, the pain she endured… makes her arc so much more meaningful and poignant…

because it wasn’t just the hero struggling, then the female side character reassuring them & giving them the strength they needed to be who they needed to be

it was her reckoning with what she did…

it was her shutting off yelena who cared about her, because she didn’t want to think about what she left behind

it was her, keeping her heart… when her mother could not.

how despite melina felt she was a rat in a cage

what SHE taught nat, was what kept nat alive…

the pain nat escaped, still found its way to her, in that because of that pain, she caused pain to the little happiness that she had in her past

she caused pain to yelena, because it was all she could associate to her past, which she NEEDED to escape

pain was inflicted on her, and she inflicted pain too

she also just casually stated her mother throwing her out like garbage

was I the only one who was utterly shaken by her statement??

to only then after say, she thought of her everyday even if she didn’t admit it to herself

(don’t even get me started on this search & importance of her past to her being fucking hinted in the place she died, vormir, where she learned her father’s name.

how even after she defeated dreykov… she still didn’t know it, til then…)

I just…

the creatives put so much effort into making nat’s story so full of heart, humanity, and meaning…

the humanity of tic tac toe over hiding out from an army

playing in the yard and colorful dyed hair hinting the dark upbringing

reckoning with what one did to survive…

black widow, is such a heartfelt humanely painful and beautiful film…

it isn’t just another spy movie

it isn’t just another marvel movie

they talked about abuse in it, guys…

they acknowledged it, unflinchingly

the good, the bad, all of it, the entire truth of it…

that alexei wasn’t allowed a chance to be forgiven for what he did

that he can wash himself clean, and that they give him their forgiveness, for HIS benefit…

that it was the very pain inflicted on them, that enabled them to take their abusers down

You think I can’t take a punch?

it was literally her pain threshold & strength that enabled her to break free from dreykov's control

her capability of severing the nerve borne from the training she endured

her pain was literally what made her stronger

they made sure to show that oksana and antonia wouldn’t be forgotten

they let the other widows do their part

and the ones the family saved, came back for them and saved them too

even antonia, as taskmaster, had someone who cared about her. the young widow who told her to smile, went to her when she was no longer controlled.

it was fighting for control, it was looking & focusing on what WAS there

just like how nat learned to accept that not all of her past was horrible,

I want to show you how this movie shows that not all of how nat was treated in the mcu was horrible

the thank you for your cooperation scene, yes

but, one parallel that I haven’t seen anyone bring up yet is this one…

nat did her job, and it’s how they took down hydra

nat did her job, and that’s how they took down the red room

because of nat’s intelligence, due diligence, they had the intel they needed to take down hydra

and to find and save the other widows…

because that’s precisely why I would die for this film…

they. care.

they remembered that small, for most people forgettable, thing that she did- BUT WAS ACTUALLY THE KEY TO THE WHOLE THING

AND MADE DAMN SURE TO SHOW & HIGHLIGHT ITS IMPORTANCE IN HER FILM.

(her copying the data needed to SAVE THE OTHER WIDOWS IN THE WHOLE WORLD WAS GIVEN THE FOCUS & ENERGY NEEDED TO HIGHLIGHT THAT SCENE'S SIGNIFICANCE CAUSE W/O THAT DATA, THOSE WOMEN WOULD BE LOST)

they KNEW that HER COPYING THAT INFO in the lemurian star in tws IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE is HOW NICK FIGURED OUT HYDRA’S PLAN

AND DECIDED TO FUCKING PARALLEL THAT TOO IN HER FILM CAUSE THEY KNEW THAT DESPITE HOW SMALL THAT SCENE WAS, IT WAS ACTUALLY THE KEY TO THE ENTIRE THING

they know the significance that nat’s story has, how it’s about abuse, and what it does to people

it makes them want to run away & dismiss everything that happened as purely horrible

sometimes, it makes them betray people (like melina & even to some extent, nat…)

they did all this in a marvel movie

the importance of choice, control, autonomy, of women’s lives, every aspect of it

the mundane, their intelligence, their pain, their relationships, their humor & happiness & love…

this was a marvel movie, starring women, produced by women, written (jac schaeffer, wv creator too), directed (cate shortland), and edited (leigh folsom) by women.

this was an excellent beautiful painfully heartfelt luminescent movie, from start to finish.

so much care compassion complexity & love, woven into the story

they cared about what nat DID manage to do in the mcu, not that she was forced into the sidelines

(though, honestly, I think that line about nat never letting herself be alone long enough to figure out what her story is was such an interesting & cool way of acknowledging it…)

nat never spoke much in the films, and they went with it, she’s not the inspiring speech type, she herself says

behind the scenes, they were making nat look as cool as possible with those poses

but in this film, they made it HER character trait

that SHEEEE, WANTS TO POSE LIKE THAT.

I just think that’s so funny… a cute character trait of her wanting to pose all the time and denying/not acknowledging it??

I think it’s a sweet & funnily humanizing trait of hers :’’’))

they made her funny like that, heh…

most mcu movies, they have arcs, they have great interesting moving stories…

I just think this film is chockfull of love over natasha romanoff, a hero, an avenger’s story…

they put so much in to give her as full of a life as they could… a complex, heartbreaking, painful, happy, tragic, loving, human life…

most mcu movies… they’re so plot focused. find this, follow that.

for me, this film wasn’t.

it was women getting their control back.

behind the screen, and on screen, it was women getting their control back…

after a decade and more of getting bits of meaningful crumbs here and there, the creatives of this film gathered all those up, and built a full complex life and story from it…

it dealt with something so real and tragic but also beautiful and full of love.

I don’t think most mcu movies did this.

and it’s why I wrote all of this.

give credit where it’s due.

black widow is the most heartbreakingly painful and beautiful film marvel’s ever made…

it was a full and concise and finished and complete story, start to finish, about the hero who’s earned it, the goddamned most.

acknowledge what they did with this film.

it’s what they, nat & the creatives, deserve.

acknowledge it.

they didn’t work this hard to give nat such a meaningful loving & complex life and family and story, only for it to be called lesser

than films who tackle their themes in much shorter times

and with themes that aren’t as rooted in reality

acknowledge what they did.

acknowledge it.

I’m not really that knowledgeable over what framing and lighting really means…

but I think those details mean something

how their life at ohio, playing in the yard was flickered with sunlight, and fireflies

how it turned to night when they were forced to flee and return to russia

how it was night when they first entered the red room

but then there’d be more and more light as nat had progressed with their plan, with beams of light, flashing through the window behind her

and then once the dust had settled, the sun was rising on them, the survivors.

but… the most poignant & meaningful of all these lighting shots that I found…

was nat’s endings,

when she said goodbye to her family…

it was almost like, she was saying goodbye to us too…

with daylight, shining all around behind her, as she walked away and whistled her goodbye

this happening with her goodbye to her family

and with her official final shot of her, heading into the horizon, to her destiny

saving the universe, and saving her family

they cared so much to give her these beautifully poetically luminescent images of her, guys…

my heart breaks as I don’t see anyone else acknowledging this…

so please… acknowledge it.

acknowledge, what they did.

acknowledge it.

[path-of-my-childhood]

Taylor Swift’s “Beautiful Ghosts” might be the best part of the Cats movie

Vox // By Aja Romano // November 20th 2019

“Beautiful Ghosts,” the song that Taylor Swift put words to for Tom Hooper’s upcoming Cats movie, has arrived - and guess what? Swift might be Cats creator and famed Broadway composer Andrew Lloyd Webber’s ideal lyricist.

Lloyd Webber is the man who brought the world Phantom of the Opera, Jesus Christ Superstar, Evita, and one of the most recorded songs in theatre history, “Memory” from Cats. He is notorious for writing musicals with beautiful music and weak lyrics. But “Beautiful Ghosts” makes a compelling argument that what every ALW musical needs is a shrewd lyricist who was once a teenage girl - and who, consequently, is not embarrassed to embrace the gushy romantic heart of his music. Here are five reasons “Beautiful Ghosts” is worth a second listen, or several.

1) It adds to our understanding of Victoria, the White Cat. “Beautiful Ghosts” isn’t a showy end-credits pop song; it’s a new song inserted into the plot of the show. It will follow “Memory” in the upcoming film. The cat who sings it, Victoria has a bigger role: Now, the entire story is framed through her point of view, and Victoria is a younger mirror of Grizabella.

In “Beautiful Ghosts,” Victoria echoes “Memory” and reflects on Grizabella’s tragic life, as well as her own. “Memory” keeps calling for “new life,” while through “Beautiful Ghosts,” Victoria transitions from “Memory’s” sadness to a joy that’s all her own - through the realization that she loves the life she has. Where “Memory” is fuzzy, with vague hints of former happiness, “Beautiful Ghosts” weaves a mini-narrative of Victoria’s life: cast onto the streets, apparently by cruel former owners, she distrusts other cats, but eventually befriends them and comes to love her life. With this one song, she goes from being opaque and silent to having depth, complexity, and a backstory that doesn’t involve her being a sex object.

2) It helps us understand “Memory.” Even though “Beautiful Ghosts” is sung by Victoria to Grizabella, it also gives us crucial insight into Grizabella’s life. When Victoria sings lines like, “Should I take chances when no one took chances on me?” she’s simultaneously referencing her own life and Grizabella’s: Grizabella at least knew a time when she was loved and admired, and had human companionship to look back on. Victoria has only known rejection.

Taylor Swift has clearly asked herself, “How can I bring more coherence to “Memory,” a weird-ass song about a cat who is also a sex worker who is also dying and friendless and stuck with her memories of having once been very hot?” The solution, which she provides in “Beautiful Ghosts,” is to give Grizabella slightly more of a past.

In a recent radio interview, Swift described her approach to creating the song - which involved contrasting Victoria’s life with Grizabella’s: ‘Memory’ is Grizabella singing about how she had all these beautiful, incredible moments in her past. She had these glittering occasions and she felt beautiful and she felt wanted and now she doesn’t feel that way anymore.’ This is fanfic on Swift’s part. While this glittering history can be implied, it’s not literally in the lyrics to “Memory,“ or anywhere else in Cats - the most concrete detail “Memory” offers is that Grizabella once enjoyed “days in the sun.” It’s a huge bonus to see Grizabella given a more concrete backstory that has nothing to do with her, uh, hanging out in brothels.

“Beautiful Ghosts” explains that Grizabella was “born into nothing” but now has memories of “dazzling rooms” and a time she was not just beautiful, but loved. In essence, Swift has not only crafted a satisfying character song for Victoria - she’s deepened Grizabella and “Memory” too.

3) It’s clearly a song that could be sung by a cat. This is hard! “Memory” couldn’t manage it and from the first line of “Beautiful Ghosts,” the song feels like one that could be sung by a cat - one who has wandered the streets, hearing the voices of its fellow cats in the dark. Victoria sings of the “wild ones” who “tame the fear” within her as she longs to “get let into” the rooms inhabited by the humans she once knew and yearned for love from. These are bittersweet lyrics, but more importantly, they’re lyrics that pretty clearly describe the life of a cat.

The extent to which Swift has thought about how cats feel becomes increasingly apparent when you realize that “Beautiful Ghosts” is a hymn to found family and the alley cat existence, the freedom of a life lived on the streets, and the beauty of, well, a gang of stray cats. (This may also sound like a metaphor for marginalized communities finding strength in each other after being turned out of their homes.)

4) It hints at what a new Andrew Lloyd Webber musical could be like with a smart lyricist who embraces his romanticism. The typical trade-off with Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals is that his lush, lofty melodic lines take priority over lyrics. The general wisdom among musical theater fans is that ALW was only truly great when he was composing with his earliest collaborator, the brilliant lyricist Tim Rice. The ALW/Rice shows (Jesus Christ Superstar, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, Evita) are fantastic - witty, satirical, and incisive, ranging from complex political themes to rollicking whimsy and charming pastiche.

ALW’s later shows’ scores were often gorgeous, full of beautiful melodies. But the plots were often too soapy, and he bounced around between lyricists who frequently paired his music with asinine words. When ALW was working with someone equally as or more talented than he was, he managed to create popular, lasting shows, including Cats and Phantom of the Opera. But ALW didn’t always work with equals who could rein him in. And so he only kept getting more extravagant in his desire to combine deeply emotional musical motifs with schmoopy, overblown storylines. In other words, post-Rice, ALW has always been hampered by his own self-indulgence and the lack of a lyricist as good at writing lyrics as ALW is at writing music.

That’s why a Taylor Swift-ALW collaboration is genuinely exciting. In the annals of ALW collaborators, Swift may be the first lyricist with the range, experience, and stature to stand alongside Rice. But more importantly, she clearly loves Cats, loves the music, and loves actual cats. In that interview quoted above, for example, she discussed Victoria’s cat psychology at length. I cannot imagine any circumstances in which Tim Rice would say, as Swift did in that interview, “I got you. I know what that cat would say.”

And that may be what so many previous ALW musicals have lacked: the enthusiasm of a smart, savvy songwriter who’s also not afraid to unironically love and embrace her subject matter. Taylor Swift isn’t just a brilliant songwriter who credits the lyrics of Fall Out Boy’s Pete Wentz for teaching her to write music with sharp edges and blatant emotive power. She’s also a fangirl. And fangirls know how to deliver deep, smart character studies while amplifying the emotional core of the stories they love. That combination of shrewd songwriting and passion is what propels the final verse of “Beautiful Ghosts” into something truly great.

5) “Beautiful Ghosts” has a surprise twist ending. Taylor Swift learned a lot from brilliant country songwriters, and one of the common country song traits she likes to carry forward is the “twist.” That’s when the final stanza upends the original meaning of the song and shifts the refrain into something new, surprising, and even richer. Throughout “Beautiful Ghosts,” Victoria has emphasized the fact that Grizabella still has her memories: “at least you have beautiful ghosts,” she sings, and the ghosts are the memories of Grizabella’s life of being beautiful and adored.

By contrast, Victoria herself has always lived on the streets, eventually taken in by the stray cats she eventually began to see as family. Initially, she describes the strays as voices she can only hear in the dark, while she wanders the streets, “alone and haunted.” Later, they become “phantoms of night,” as they lure her into her new exciting life. Finally, when Victoria has her epiphany that she’s happy with her friends, and she loves her alleycat life, she shifts from singing enviously to Grizabella about the “beautiful ghosts” of her memories. Instead, she sings, “So I’ll dance with these beautiful ghosts.”

The ghosts at the end of the song are the cats! Victoria’s ghosts are flesh and blood, and also have you ever met a cat, cats are clearly ghosts, with their silent paws and their eerie glow-eyes, and their ability to vanish into thin air. (Holy shit, the ghosts are the cats!) Only Taylor Swift could turn a metaphor about lost memories into a literal description of cats that is also a metaphor for found families and friendship. Don’t argue with me, this is perfect.

[sofia-gothicquirks]

One Piece Wano Kuni analysis : How Oda brings small humanity touches in the plot of an epic/adventure story

So far the Wano arc has been truly fantastic. All the characters of this arc are deep and have wonderful backstories and personalities. Besides, the world building is amazing and I do feel like I am in the middle of a revolution. I am feeling oppressed by the political system of this country and I really do feel attached to all these innocent people who have to suffer because of Orochi's madness. Unlike most stories I do understand the reason why there's a revolution going on behind the scenes. Through these long chapters where you can see children being taught propaganda about how great the shogun is in the Flower Capital while people from Ebisu's town are forced to smile despite their hardships I slowly learned to care about an imaginary country that I didn't even know a year ago. That's one of Oda's strenghts. Contrary to some arcs this isn't just about "saving those who asked for help". All these characters have an actual true and personnal reason to fight linked to their backstories or personnalities : Luffy's promise to O-Tama the little girl his dead big brother swore to protect, Zoro's desire to avenge Tonoyasu, Hiyori's hate for the man who ruined her life twenty years ago .....

Actually for me this country and these characters have truly gained life. Discovering new things about the fascinating japanese culture through an arc from my favourite manga is a dream.

But Wano Kuni isn't just about worldbuiding. It's also about action. There's a revolution going on. There's this prophecy from Oden's mysterious wife. It's almost mythical. There are people who want to fight against this injustice. There are those who must keep living to give food to their starving kids but on the other side there are also people who didn't even know what the word "pain" is. In chapter 931 if I remember well Orochi said that the Wano country is like a paradise. There are all these geishas to bring happiness and music, banquets, cherryblossoms... But we, as readers, know what's going on. We know that this is just a bunch of lies. As Luffy stated in chapter 949 this country is a living hell. And if they don't fight, if they don't change the situation, these people are going to keep suffering. THAT'S WHY A REVOLUTION IS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. Otherwise nothing will change. The rich will become richer and the poor will become even more poor. Twenty fucking years of a dictatorship is like a lifetime for some people can you imagine that ?

So let's talk about this revolution. The epic perfect plan to overthrown the shogun (that Luffy kinda of fucked up no surprise there), the badass preparation for the final battle, Wano Kuni's background (the story of Hiyougoru, Tonoyasu's past...) and all this plot about keeping identities a secret or having a double identity (Komurasaki the courtesan as princess Hiyori, O-Toko as Ushimitsu (even if this last one is just a theory for now)...) is great. In fact these diversity of intrigues in just one arc is great. ( to name a few of them we have the Komurasaki-Kiyoshiro plot, Udon's prison plot, Zorro's lost sword plot....).

What I really enjoy about Oda's writing style is that he doesn't only shows the bright side of the revolution with all the epic battles and perfect strategy but also the darkest sides of being a renegade. There may be traitors among your allies, you may get captured and tortured, the ennemy is ready to do everything in order to get information from you and you may even die. There will be disagreements about what to do even inside the rebel alliance because not everyone will trust each other and every person is different : everyone has different beliefs and fears. Maybe the plan won't work and the revolution will fail (you can feel the characters insecurities in chapter 938 during the Law-Shinobu disagreement). Furthermore the revolution won't wok without some great sacrifices. Speaking about that...

Please can we take a moment to mourn Tonoyasu's death ? This man deserves some respect please pay tribute to him. He had a loving daughter and people he cared about and yet with just his life he changed everything. Without him the revolution would be truly doomed. At the moment when everything was going down for the rebel alliance he saved them. His public execution was the turning point and until now (we are in chapter 951) we didn't even know the full consequences of his death. This death really impacted me. How could a man sacrifice his own life to save a future he would never be able to see? Such a little yet great and bold move from Oda. ONE LIFE. ONE SACRIFICE. And yet it changed everything. The rebels have a new plan. A new hope. The revolution can keep going.

Respect Shimotsuki Yasuie.

>RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN THE CHARACTERS

And now dear friends we have reached the point where the title of my analysis finally makes some sense lol. Let's talk about human relationships inside this arc and name just a few of them.

-Tsuru and Kinemon, the lost lovers

-Luffy and O-Tama or how Ace lives in his little brother

-The nine red scabbards friendship

-The interactions between the members of the strawhat crew

-Hiyori and Zoro growing relationship (or should I call it "the new ship of the One Piece fandom"?). I hope they turn to lovers. They have a really good chemestry.♡

-Hyogoro and Luffy, the master and the student

-O-Tama and Momonosuke friendship

-Komurasaki and Kiyoshiro hidden secrets

-Killer and Eustass Kidd, the partners

-Luffy's and Kidd's rivality

-Kawamatsu and Hiyori story

So we have romantic, friendly, and familiar relationships inside just one arc. It's intense. This is going to be huge.

I could analyse all the relationships between the characters of this arc but I want to especially talk about the one who impacted me the most. It's going to surprise you.

I want to talk about Nico Robin and O-Toko. The pannel from chapter 951 hit my heart really hard :

You guys remember Robin's backstory right ? The daughter of a criminal who survive a genocide and was chased for years by the government because she was the "devil child". Robin lost her mother at an early age and I think that this is the reason that she kind of become a motherly figure. She has developed strong mother instincts.

Well when you think about it Toko's story is a little similar to Robin. She is chased by an entire country despite being a child mostly because her father was a criminal and she "disrespected" the shogun. But like Robin did in that fateful day in Ohara she laughed at it (well she is kind of obliged because of the SMILES fruit too...).

Robin loved the girl from the beginning: she saw her as a bright kid with a great sense of humor and she saved her during the Orochi banquet. So I think that when she saw that this little girl was being hunted down just like her years ago she swore to give her comfort and love. This hugging scene between O-Toko and Robin warmed my heart. They are just like a mother and a daughter and I think that the two of them really needed each other.

Do you see my point ? Even in a story full of action, with plans, battles and a revolution going on Oda manages to keep writing little heartfelt scenes like this one that allows the readers to not forget that more than just being fighters people must praise their humanity. These little touches of humanity add much more than you can even imagine in an action story like One Piece because they allow us to care about the persons for whom our protagonists are fighting.

What about you guys ? What are your thoughts about the Wano Kuni arc so far ? I would love to discuss with you about that !

[jlf23tumble]

Agree so much with your post about the teams and fan engagement ! And love the way you articulated all of that. Although now I definitely am interested in knowing what your notes about the specificity of each team/artist cause I feel like they'd be fascinating to read. Hope you'll post them some day, and thank you for sharing your thoughts with us ! 😊

Awwww, that’s very kind! It’s definitely head canon city, I litcherally have ZERO clue what goes on behind the scenes (and I can’t stress this enough, none of us do), so this’ll look hilariously dated when we find out that blah woof was true all along, lmao (me @ myself, thinking of some random Grimshaw interviews from last fall, oh, bless). Let’s dig in!!

For those of you who just stumbled upon this post, it’s related to the one I made last night about how I think the management teams of all these men (mid-20s means = you’re a man, not a boy) are not, in fact, sabotaging them. They negotiate a lot of tricky interconnected arrangements that none of us are privy, to, plus they’re at least trying to achieve the goals their clients are going for. And they’re doing it—the trick is these goals are highly individual and not 100% sensical (at least given our own view from the afternoon, Arctic Monkeys ref, holllllllah!!!).

In addition, these goals constantly shift, as does the music industry itself—I drive my own self loony when I lurk on blogs that are seemingly broadcasting from 2012, confused by why xx’s team is so “terrible” because they aren’t throwing good money after bad to get on a radio playlist, or why they haven’t announced yy “properly,” as if they’re being paid to worry about this level of shit (which fires me up on about five levels, deep breaths in, deep breaths out). I’m much nosier about the signals we’re getting when we hear them talk in their beautifully media-trained way about their musical interests, when we get some of that sweet, sweet fan service with a Gallagher or a Capaldi, when we get that heads up about who’s attending what concert, stuff like that. These signals don��t necessarily indicate future collaborations, but they DO indicate what kind of image these guys want to have, the kind of music they want the public to associate them with.

Anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself…their personalities and goals at the moment are all so vastly different, and I truly do love seeing how their teams are workin’ it accordingly. Again, please @ god, don’t @ me…opinions, massively unpopular opinions, dead ahead!

* Zayn. My read on Zayn is that he enjoys the creative process, loves writing and singing, digs collabing with people, but he doesn’t seem to give two shits about the biz side (and why should he? that’s called living the dream at this particular point in his career). His website recently added “tour,” which EYEBALL EYEBALL, but he doesn’t seem to be all that interested in putting himself back out on stage or into radio/print/etc. anytime soon, and again, why should he? His numbers are HUGE without pushing himself through the anxiety-provoking churn he endured for four years, so there’s no real drive for him to do any promo if he doesn’t want to (see: the netflix-like binge dump of Icarus Falls, which could be “sabotage,” or it could just be, “fineeeeeeee, here’s some stuff for you, enjoy”). What other artist gifts his fans with gorgeous covers of such a wide variety of songs that indicate he’s more interested in sharing them than selling them. Accordingly, his fan interactions seem fairly pure and not all that promo-y: he has a keen interest in fanart, he’s done some fan pop-ups/listening parties that are pretty low-key and *seemingly* fan-focused, and recently (with zero anything to really promote), he’s been posing for cute pics and chatting with randos on the streets of NYC. I recently read that his mgmt team is no longer with him, but that sort of folds into my feeling that he’s not pursuing anything biz-wise, hence no need to jump through those particular hoops (I think he’s also struggled with a lot of demons, so yeah, why add one more). Could he be adrift? Maybe, but the next guy is the posterman for lack of focus….

* Liam. Honestly, I worry about Liam most of all. His post-1D career seems very much adrift, and I like to joke that he’s giving me that tell-all about the D one sentence at a time, but goddamn, are people listening? The struggles with alcohol, the lack of focus on every level, the reliance on his dad’s career advice (which more clearly reflects his dad’s financial class, background, and history than it does Liam’s), and the overall confusion about look, sound, and direction also flow back directly into his team. I get the feeling that they aren’t sure what to do because LIAM isn’t sure what to do or what he wants, so they follow in his wake. He’s agreeable to a fault, so seeing him at a meet-and-greet at an HMV in Birmingham last week felt like a step back into 2010 for no real reason, just like hearing that he was more or less coerced into full nude photoshoots for an underwear ad (the decisions to say yes to both of those—who’s steering this ship? If it’s Liam, he needs to tell the team his overall goal, so they can plot a course he and his fans can follow; if it’s the team, ditto). Like Niall, Liam’s actually pretty good at the SM game: lots of selfies, snapchat filters, outfits, gym service, twitter interactions. But generally speaking, his promo is confusing, and that’s probably because there isn’t much *to* promote at this point, other than a mix of collabs, clothing endorsements, spon con, horse farms, and an album that’s always on the horizon. This might be tied to the general post-1D jolt they all went through, like a plane coming off autopilot and into the hands of someone who’s just learning how to fly it. Zayn debuted at number one, so his bump wasn’t as harsh, but the others are slowly, steadily finding their footing after taking some time to find themselves and their sound, releasing songs/albums, performing (or in Louis’s case, going through unspeakable tragedy). Liam’s still adrift…and somewhat admittedly, which is kind of telling in its own way. Just know that my nervousness on his behalf ratchets up every time he feels the urge to assure us all that he’s happy.

* Niall. Truly the one following the original 1D template, right down to working with most of the same people but with more of the overall control in his hands instead of a faceless management squad. Of any of them, he seems the most ambitious, the most scientific about the sound he’s after and how he’s gonna get there. His promo is a mix of new and traditional—radio shows, talk shows, podcasts, special events, twitter interactions with fans, twitter interactions with entertaining celebrities—and it’s all hustle hustle hustle, build build build, as if he were a new ingenue instead of coming up hard on solo album number two. He’s explicit in his goals, which is refreshing, but it means he walks a weird line with fans: on one hand, he’s done with their bullshit, get ready to get rekt if you start commenting on his boring food seasoning or home décor. But on the other hand, he fully recognizes how much he needs them, which is why we get so many peeks into his “normal” life (yet zero percent of his actual personal life). It’s also probably why the blatant tweets of the last two days seem so jarring to me (I might be alone on this one, but I’m not a fan of directives in general, and asking me to call radio stations on behalf of a rich white man to become even richer just rubs me the wrong way, same with asking me to stream stuff to get you to number one…you’ve been there, buddy, how about you calm down and build some character at number 51). And speaking of calming down, it does fascinate me that both Niall and Louis namecheck Taylor Swift as someone who gets the whole fandom push/pull thing right, so watching them try to reverse-engineer her secrets is fun. Louis nails it (that hotspot treasure hunt: chef’s kiss), but Niall’s heavy-handed easter egg dump in NTMY, she would never!! I think Niall’s team needs to watch “Calm Down” about five more times before they try that again.

* Louis. I think Louis honestly has an AMAZING team in place, and they’re all clearly on his side, which makes for a refreshing change. Like Niall, he has publicly praised Taylor Swift for how she engages with her fans, but I think he’s missing a key point: she doesn’t let her fans dictate strategy, and I HOPE that’s the case for Louis, too. His old team *was* shit, so yeah, encouraging people to do fan projects to get the word out was a good idea, but turning that spigot off to let a good (paid) team step in and take over has been, uh, challenging. He’s dealt with more than his fair share of personal tragedy, but every time he gets some momentum going, it feels like something bts pushes him back off track, and he tends to keep it private, which only makes his hardest-core fans scream “sabotage.” Rightly so, he’s focusing on his personal life, and rightly so, his team is giving him the space to do that, even when it costs cash money and throws a lot of shit seriously for a loop. It makes my heart soar to see the potential of what his team can do/is doing, how much space he’s being allowed to process what he needs to process. Weirdly, that’s an unpopular opinion, and a lot of people want to indulge in an angst wank fest where Louis’s the victim of a terrible team that won’t DO anything (nevermind the fact that he’s probably ASKED them not to do anything), so they undertake a tremendous amount of performative unpaid labor that ends up being counterproductive on just about every front. Even worse, most of them can’t seem to process the fact that losing your mum is a blow, losing your SISTER is a blow, juggling other siblings or close friends handling some serious demons of their own in the aftermath of all of *that* is a blow, let alone handling your own personal coping mechanisms, nope, they want Louis to release release release, perform perform perform, c’mon, what’s holding him back, he *said* he wanted to release an album this year, there’s “no reason” for a delay, gotta be his shitty team, free him. It drives me ‘round the bend because it’s the same talk from late last year, you know, when we later found out that at least one family member was losing a fight with drug addiction. Louis’s fan engagement/promo is therefore hella fraught: he has to balance LouisTM on twitter (Mr. Donny, he’s hard, mate), his werk IG posts, and his constant edging because nobody can remember or trust that he’s got this, that multiple things are in play. But he also knows his fanbase, knows that it’s resistant to any kind of change, so I hope he pushes through and stays true to what he wants to do. I was really encouraged with his last promo round because he seems to have narrowed in on a something solid, he’s got a plan, and it’s not, “hey mr dj, put my record on,” it’s getting his fans to trust that he and his team know what the fuck they’re doing, and spoiler alert, it ain’t radio, but go ahead and keep pissing off djs by sending angry tweets their way. (Related: why is it so bad to avoid the radio when all of us admit that radio music is garbage? Is it because it’s more about you than him? Much to think about.)

* Harry. My very favorite head canon is that Harry is Jeff’s nightmare client: what was perfection at first because the Azoffs are old-school promo all the way (no SM, baby, gimme that sweet, sweet paper), and that dovetailed nicely with post-1D Harry, but it quickly veered into mulish teeth pulling. Low profile can quickly spin into no profile, and that really doesn’t work too well when you’re trying to sell sell sell, even if your brand is Harry StylesTM. HS1 and Dunkirk in their own separate ways worked VERY hard to push past the still-persistent way the general public views Harry as boybander Harry Styles, or more accurately, former boybander Harry Styles who dated Taylor Swift (if you venture out and ask someone who’s not a fan), but what I love about Harry is that much like Zayn, he doesn’t seem to be too bothered by all that. Sure, he’s ambitious, he wants to challenge himself and do things, but he’s no Niall Horan. He’s put in his time! If he gets a number one, then cool, but he’s not gonna chase it. And this is where Harry’s team really reflects his goals and energy: sure, they want him to do some promo (that “Do” tweet, the entire bit about the fan in Australia and Harry Lambert’s follow, goddddd, I loved it, petty Harry, resigned Jeff), but they clearly aren’t forcing him. He drops a song that makes a HUGE splash, and the follow-up is…liking some tweets and going to a John Mayer concert (not a John Mayer fan, so that wouldn’t be my first choice, but I respond to the zero fucks given about the whole thing). The music industry has changed a LOT in just two years, so it’s kind of cool to see team Harry pivoting a bit, seeing more SM interaction, the kindness generator, etc., but that said, the team takes their cues from him, and he clearly doesn’t want to do a whole promo circuit beyond persons a, b, and c, and magazine R, F, and A. Does it make sense to have Rob Sheffield write a profile about Stevie Nicks-blessed shroom-eater Harry Styles when his new song sounds like the Zarry combo of my dreams? NOPE, but that’s okay, Harry wanted to talk to Rob, so that’s what happened. The new song is more streaming friendly, and thank CHRIST, a lot less crusty white dude stuck in the ‘70s, so I can only hope that the rest of the album is thus, but we shall see! We’ll also see if Harry’s fan engagement shifts any further into the active zone…so far, it’s been “I’m gonna follow some larries, like these fun generator posts, check out a few dads” and staged photo ops with the same familiar faces, but I think he’s dealing with his own major bts issues as well (album delayed at least twice; that entire stalking situation). I still contend the album’s coming in the next few weeks, so it’ll be interesting to see if/how any additional promo rolls out in this new world order post-gryles landscape, how many interviews he’ll do, but I like that there’s a strategy that seems less stodgy…kudos to the new SM team, at least!!

Oh man, that got really long! Hope you enjoyed, and YES, opinions opinions opinions, and they’ll be stupid in about three weeks’ time, thanks for coming to my already dated buzzfeed article

[ofcruelfates101]

“ There is no such thing as perfection.”

the courts offer bread and salt to ARTEMISIA of HOUSE MANDERLY. many say that the THIRTY-ONE year old LADY of THE NEW CASTLE ( within White Harbor ) is known to be CALM and WISE, though ill tongues whisper that SHE is SECRETIVE and DISILLUSIONED. when her name is uttered , one is reminded of beautiful but saddened, disquieting eyes, gazes that bore deep into your soul, a touch of serenity, an aura of world-weariness for someone still so young, a tiny flame that flickers in and out, an exquisite smile that was somehow built upon a foundation of hidden but great heartaches, shades of blue and green, soft pink tulips strewn in a messy path. may she be blessed and protected in this war of crowns. ( fc: alessandra mastronardi ) (( also filling freyja stark’s wc of a best friend + confidante )) * she’s also currently in freyja stark’s retinue of lady-in-waiting and her most trusted counsel *

TW (!!) : relationship abuse, violence, foeticide, death, drug abuse

the following intro below is subject to changes as I’m still plotting out ( + still open for ) connections with other muns!! <3

- she’s the eldest daughter in her family and she has two younger sisters who are twins. she also has a few-to a handful of brothers, one of which is the eldest child and current ruling lord of House Manderly. to her close friends and siblings she was known by her nickname of “Artie”

- Growing up, she was always considered the perfect child. the fillial daughter, the perfect nobleborn girl..everything most proud and lofty nobles wanted as a daughter of a powerful house was in her. This was mainly because, she was born with a natural soft personality, a naive heart and an extremely sharp mind which was very much open and yearing to learn everything anyone wanted to teach her. Spotting and sensing this in their daughter from her toddler years, her overbearing parents then were very determined to mold her into the perfect little lady. To be the one of the brightest jewels of the North that many around the whole realm of Westeros would want and admire.

- Extensively groomed, trained and educated very strictly with no expense spared, the combined efforts of the ruling lord & lady as well as their staff, paid off. She grew up to be a poised and flawlessly elegant lady, perfect in all her mannerisms, behaviour and goldenly-charming social skills. They also made sure to introduce and train her in all kinds of artistic skills and hobbies and to their delight, her ingeniously bright brains which soaked up all kinds of knowledge like a sponge were in perfect sync with her motor skills. Thus, she became very talented in all kinds of artistic ventures. Singing, playing musical instruments, dancing, painting, poetry recitation, embroidery, needlework and even cooking & baking was all nicely packaged into her. She was also well prepped to be the perfect wife and perfect lady that was able to run a large household, knowing how to be organized, pleasing to her future husband and with a knack for numbers and how to efficiently handle the staff. And to add the chery on top, Artie was blessed with insanely beautiful features, making her a lady of great beauty. All in all, it was extremely easy for her parents to receive many bids for her hand in marriage.

- Underneath all this outer layers of seemingly shining perfection, was a person who also grew to be extremely compassionate and kind. a person who always had the biggest smile on her face for everyone she met, no matter what social rank they were, and soft helping hand to anyone in need. a person who was yes indeed loyal to her family, but also couldn’t stand not helping or associating with any stranger she deemed good and was in great need. thus this girl held many secrets in her heart too. secrets that only a small circle of people closest to her knew. so many secrets: that involved helping out anyone who was a victim of her father’s ambition, greed and wrath ; that involved getting accquainted with harmless people whom her family either looked down upon/ despised/ were enemies with ; that involved helping any female which were considered a pariah to a society or suffering for some unjustified reason. She kept this secret actions of hers well, not wanting to incur her parent’s wrath or make trouble for their family name or anyone at all. It also didn’t help that Artie was a passive person and hated confrontations more than anything.

- A lot of her secretive activies was done with the help of some of the servants & staff members of her parent’s household. Eversince she was a little girl, she had long won and charmed their hearts with her patient listening skills, her natural emphathy and her ever willingness to help out in any way. There was no malice or spite or hidden agenda to be found in her, just genuine affection. ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you’.  Artie also did not desire to do great things in life., she only wanted to do small things with great love.

- being rigidly perfect all the time was tiring. Artie often did find herself wondering, yearning even to just live the simple life of a smallfolk. her form of release and escape came in the form of horse-riding. her father, knowing the dangers of the ongoing war between the ironborn and the north, made sure that his daughters all knew how to ride welljust incase that they should need to flee for their safety. artie loved her horse immensely and she had a great affinity with that beautiful animal. galloping away hard and fast were one of the biggest joys in her life as well as interacting with the many different people who came to White Harbor’s ports. Most of the people in the city loved the soft, generous and bright girl who alwasy did her best to bring good cheer and happiness into their lives. Thus earning her titles/monikers like The Little Mermaid and The Priceless Pearl of White Harbor, etc..

- in the romance department however, it would seemed that Artie was cursed with bad luck. she was once secretly in love with one of her closests friends, a tender sweet young secret crush, but never had the courage to let him know for fear of losing their enjoyable friendship. when she was about 15/16, she would then be betrothed to a man that was good but unfortunately, try as hard as she might her affections for him, never went beyond platonic. When she was just only turning 18, her bethrothed died due to fighting in the North-Iron war and her ever ambitious father was quick to find her a new fiance. Someone not from the North and even more richer than her first fiance had been. What her parents had no idea of at first that Artie was in the midst of falling deeply in love with another man through secret meetings. He promised her freedom, great love and passion and the lovers arranged to meet in the dark of the night to elope. Doing something incredibly risky for the first time ever, had Artie feeling at her most scared and highly uncertain, and riddled with guilt. However with the sweet promises of her lover lingering in her mind, she still went though with it.

Her lover never showed up. She waited and waited, till she was chilled to the bone at one of the most hidden ports but he never came and she was eventually caught by her parents. Breaking down, repenting and begging for their forgiveness as well as that of her betrothed for being so incredibly foolish & she would take whatever punishment dealt to her nary a sound, she was then pleasantly surprised when her betrothed Lord was so quick to forgive her. He instead largely reassured her that everything was going to be alright as he had already fallen for her. As long as she stayed faithful to him and open her heart to him, he told her that he would wait for however long it takes to earn her romantic love. She instantly agreed. Thus she was very quickly whisked away from The North and to his home to be wed immediately.

The 19 year old Artie was blissfully happy with her new wedded life at first. Her husband was attentive, charming and really seemed very sincere in his efforts to make her fall in love with him. Artie even thought he could heal her heartache & he would turn out to be the dream soulmate she always wished for..... That was her first grave mistake. A few months later, she found out she was pregnant, but there was also the possibility that the child could have been fathered by her former lover. For there was not much time difference between the night she had lain with her ex and her wedding night. Filled with great anxiety and worry, Artie still trusted that her incrediby understanding husband would not be too angered and perhaps allow her to either give away the child to be adopted by a good family or take the child as his own, because there was the possibility that it was truly fathered by him instead of the other. That was her 2nd grave mistake and the final one that Artie had ever made so far in her life up till now.

Her husband was not understanding. He was not kind. In fact, that night when she told him about the whole matter, he showed her his true colours  and that was of a monster. A monster that verbally and physically abused her, and come morning, she had lost the baby.

It took a long time for Artie to heal and survive out her trauma from that horrendous night. When she finally came out of her grief and darkness, she was a very much changed Artemisia. She was no longer naive. She was no longer idealistic nor hopeful about her chances for a happy life any longer. She was no longer trusting and she had no wish to repair the broken pieces of her heart and soul any longer. She lost her liveliness and was now more content being invisible. A wallflower, no longer a radiant rose of any events.

Her husband still tried to bed her, to make her give him his heirs. But that was the main thing, she wanted to refuse him on. He had killed her precious child  and thus he would get no children from her. Finally embracing the craft of sneakiness and silent strategic planning, she found ways to prevent conception through, strange, and creative methods that she had heard from her days of interacting with the several types of people that were in White Harbor. She dared not risk her actions being found out, thus she never once drank Moon Tea, for that was easily detectable by her husband’s maester. The methods she used though highly unorthodox were sucessfull and for the next seven years of her life, she never fell pregnant.

She was the one who in fact, started the rumors that she was infertile and that she had a barren womb. She let the rumors circulate and became widely-spread, making no moves to surpress or deny those claims. She even supported her licentious husband in his taking of many paramours, and pretended that she had long forgiven what he had done. Oh to pretend! She grew to be very good at pretending over the years. The only people she never had to pretend with was several of her household staff who had been genuinely kind and caring of her when she first arrived. With her natural tendancy from her teenage years to be able to bond well with the small folk through her sincerity of heart, she then grew to be loved by them and she loved them back as well.. They were regarded to her as family and they helped their beloved mistress in turn. Being silent and fading into the background has its many perks. One of which was picking up and learning bits and pieces of information that would could be useful to her in the future.

With her long embedded, culinary skills, Artie over the years would once in a while, cleverly slip in drugs like Milk of the Poppy and dreamwine into her cooking and baking for her husband, finding creative means to disguise their flavours well, so that he would never find out. His health ultimately dwindled down as a result of his addiction....but still it would take a long time before he finally died for she couldn’t do it often and had to play it safe. His maester? She managed to find a way to blackmail the man, so that he would never betray her.

However her husband’s death came not fully by her hands but due to his own faults. He had been visiting one of his paramours at an inn where she worked and it so happened that Artie was visiting an ill relative of one of her servants who was also staying in that inn. His  paramour, a young and giddy girl, had wanted to bake him a pie. However one of the ingredients she used was something he was deathly allergic too and since she had only just recently known him, she had no idea of that fact yet. his mind being adled by copius amounts of ale which he had drunk earlier, didn’t think too much of the meal that his girl brough up to him and ate large chunks of it greedily.

Hearing a yell and a crash at one of the rooms and panicked cries just as she was passing by, Artie then burst into the room to help whoever was in trouble. Upon speedily taking in the view of the current situation, she was able to quickly guessed what must have accidentally occured. Telling the terrified girl that she would take care of the situation, Artie then pressed the girl to flee back home silently and wait for further instructions. Once the girl was gone, Artie neared her suffering husband. She had the antidiote for his allergic reaction. He had made her carry it around her being incase of emergencies such as this. However she made no move to help him. She just stared and stared at him with an austere gaze as he struggled horribly to live. Upon his final moments, she finally uttered a chilly sentence, one that he had said to her during the darkest night of her life thus far & one she had long wanted to repeat back to him.

It didnt take much convincing for the young girl to leave the city and make a new life for herself far, far away. Accident or not, his relatives would certainly be out for her blood, and Artie made sure that the girl had enough money and supplies to last her for a while. Finally widowed, Artie then made her way back home to the North, once the funeral and grieving periods were over. When her dearest and longtime childhood best friend, Freyja Stark nee Umber, asked Artie to join her retinue of ladies-in-waiting, she immediately accepted.

The now-mostly quiet young woman’s real happiness only started prickling back into her life once again, after she was reunited with her bestie whom regarded and loved slightly more than her own bliological sisters. For the past 5 years, she has vowed that she never wants to leave being in Freyja's service and side for multiple reasons. The first one mainly being that she wanted to help her queen through sage opinions and advice whenever she asked of her, and to protect Freyja as well. the second main reason...well, she's more than content ( determined in fact) to live the rest of her life as a old maid. Romantic love was never made for her and she held no more dreams of big, wonderful life and a family of her own. Here was where she could finally hold some tiny semblance of peace.

- Artie’s trust nowadays are only reserved for her family members and closest friends. Her life experiences had made her wiser and the knowledge she had accumulated all over the years of her life in different arenas were being used as she became one of the sharpest eyes and ears for her beloved queen. She believed that the real power was with the common people, not the nobles, and here was Artie’s strongest forte, for she had many loyal connections far and wide with the smallfolk.

-She was still kind but only towards children, her loved ones and people she deemed innocent enough after studying them for some time. The Little Mermaid had lost her spark for life and The Priceless Pearl of White Harbor had been crushed to dust.

[advernia]

push me off a bridge (to catch me as i fall)

a separate post for my ramblings for this fic!! it’s actually the longest thing i’ve written in a while, so i have a lot to ramble about haha;;

prelude

oh man... this started when two of my friends decided to go through edgar’s route at the same time AND also decided to go reacting to every single part of the route through burst texting AT THE SAME TIME, effectively flooding my inbox.... they were fully aware that i was at a seminar and unable to reply... now my inbox is filled with so much edgar screaming i cannot... (゜▽゜;)

screaming aside they were also very willing to read whatever drafts of edgar/mc i had available and this was their favorite!! thanks to them, i decided to finish this omfg... i’m actually so proud that i got this done but tbh it was getting so long that i had half a mind to let go of it already halfway through scene three haha... (;*△*;)

this has uh... some fighting scenes and tbh the first draft had absolutely none of it... this is my first time actually writing long(?) scenes and while i found thinking about them to be fun, putting them into words was some struggle??? like... i've been told that it looks okay but idk it feels clunky to me. oh well ＼| ￣ヘ￣|／

general stuff + war phase, baby!

initially this was only meant to be 3 parts + primarily focused on edgar/mc + with an unnamed mc as usual! but then since it’s an au of kyle’s route, i found myself wanting to flesh out the relationship of edgar & mc when set in a different angle + circumstances rather than just automatically implying attraction...

plus their relationship canonically starts off on the wrong foot in that route & edgar’s fully aware that mc isn’t exactly comfortable around him, so it really doesn’t sit well if i just... put them together, lol. so thus we have five scenes of them getting(?) closer!(???)

in short its a hella slow burn and not gonna lie, when i was writing their scenes i was like f i n a l l y... bless... ಠ ּ͜೦

one of the reasons i like kyle’s route is bc i actually got some feel of an actual war??? idk i think there’s so much plot that u can fill in with it, so i decided going for alternating scenes of the battlefield + med tent. while there's glimpses of the action going on, there’s also the sort of complimenting(???) or offsetting more emotional perspective of what goes on with the medics. 

tbh i stared long and hard at the cradle map when formulating some tactics and i gotta say i had a hard time calming myself down bc... 

in kyle’s route, the red army has the advantage and have pushed the black army as far back as to their bridge, which means that more or less they’ve occupied central quarter... but what dawned on me was... where the hell did the red army position their encampment from there??? 

was an encampment even necessary given that they’re like, in a really convenient area????? they probably could’ve settled themselves in some houses but tbh okay maybe it isn’t so noble of the reds to do (imposing themselves n’ stuff) + they have larger numbers so accommodating all of them is a problem but still... where’d they set up camp??? u see, when kyle + mc step out of the med tent it shows the forest bg, so... where??? on the edges of the central quarter area are where u can see them trees??? on the civic center roof?!?!

well... a decent answer is that they could’ve set up several encampments around the area to ensure their hold on the central quarter... it still raises some questions but honestly it makes a lot more sense... but if not and they really decided to camp out like one big happy family all together, then don’t even get me started on the possibility that the camp was stationed somewhere around here:

because doing that doesn’t have a single lick of sense omfg especially tactics-wise haha... that’s like... why would you do that... you’re wasting all your advantages... o h  b o y... so you bet when i remembered that mc + loki had to pass by a forest to get back to the encampment + encountered ray & some disciples i was like... u m m... why???? if technically the reds took hold of the whole central quarter area then it actually isn’t necessary to skulk around in the forest?????? yes yes i know safety precautions + avoiding detection but... dood... it’s safer to walk in claimed territory rather than the unstable one ahaha...

plus the thing about the black bridge... uh... it's just said in the route that lancelot handles it through magic and that's all. but when i thought back on it oh my god... what did he do??????? how is he still standing??? how much of his lifespan did he shave off just to salvage that situation??????????? how is the poor boi alive?????????? the whole fucking bridge literally falls apart and that's a whole lot of chaos and people and AHHHHH!?!?!¿¿¿¿ if ur gonna make the bridge collapse (good thing they didn't think of disintegrate) it probably cost the magic tower a hefty amount but get rekt lancelot still saves the fucking day, what a king - he's practically got one foot in the grave already... this dood, seriously ಥ_ಥ

there were other things i noticed in the process of writing this based on the route events but i was like fuck it, let’s think on that another day and leave it as it is (┛ಠДಠ)┛彡┻━┻ ily kyle but oh no my brain started reprocessing the other details of ur route

thinking about all that also made me think of other more stuff, like cradle economy + livelihood haha;; it’s stated in edgar’s route (well... it’s actually pretty obvious in other routes too) that the reds are richer than the blacks, so i went ahead and assumed that the former engages in something more lucrative like mining -> jewerly / raw material / mineral trade, while for the latter something more wholesome like agriculture. idk, it works. even moreso that the reds give off the whole nobility vibe while the blacks are simple and casual. even the bg screens of the red & black streets are polarizing.

then i also went over the rest of the chosen thirteen... while the reds show no obvious weapon variety (see: swords), i’d like to believe that they’re taught to be versatile enough no matter what the situation. plus, since they have the funding, i'd like to think they're skilled in magic manipulation, too. meanwhile the black army shows weapon variety, and i’d like to think that it’s because most of their recruits aren’t soldiers in the first place: they’re farmhands / hunters / village people turned soldiers, and it’s actually easier to let them go with what they know first before encouraging them or asking them to learn something new. thus axes and spears and possible unconventional stuff like caltrops.

crimson glory

one of the things i realized was in kyle’s route, mc isn’t exactly so buddy-buddy with the red crew in comparison to other routes. she gets minimal interactions with the four, and zero aside her relationships with the top three are rather... tense.

zero was the other red officer i was initially going to add aside from edgar & kyle, but i added all of them anyway. while they don't appear all together, all of them have scenes together with edgar.

the first edgar & jonah scene shows an obvious contrast - while he's being incredibly critical about it, jonah shows actual concern for the living situations in black army territory. on the other hand, edgar chooses to tease him about it, his joking more or less implying that he isn't that concerned / bothered about it at all. the game touches up on this sometimes, often with edgar commenting on how noble jonah is while jonah shows obvious distaste for edgar's callousness.

still, they work well together. personally i'm amused with a hc of mine that looking at how edgar fights / acts only spurs jonah to act more honorably while for edgar, being exposed to jonah's noble-ness more or less makes him curious to try being honorable from time to time lol. that still doesn't stop anyone from calling him the gentle demon tho ( ⚆ _ ⚆ )

tbh since edgar is obviously sneaky on other routes i wouldn't put it past him to casually pressure lancelot to tell him wtf's going on with this war when he gets the inkling that something's wrong. edgar goes about this subtly not-so-subtly and in the most polite manner possible. lancelot knows him far too well to take bait tho - he makes sure to speak carefully since he's probably knows that edgar's going to pick apart at his words for meanings + implications, so it more or less leaves edgar a bit frustrated since it's clear that lancelot won't tell him much. still, edgar knows when not to cross the line - even he's not so keen on getting on lancelot's bad side.

that aside, i'd like to think that edgar respects lancelot a lot as a person + commander enough that he'd truly risk his life for him on instinct like a true soldier would. while i think i could've done more on writing the gravity of the collapsing bridge scene, i liked the last bit where edgar + zero immediately worried for lancelot.

let's be honest here tho in some way or another all of the reds chosen worry about their king bc bruh... let us in bruh...

the scenes of zero & edgar in the end are also my favorite! it isn’t much, but enjoyed writing their relationship briefly. tbh i think edgar is one of those people under the sleep = most vulnerable = death thinking (no thanks to claudius), so the fact that he allows himself to drift to sleep twice in zero's company is a definite sign of trust. then again, he's injured but still ( ᐛ )و

edgar, idike, kyle

y’know even if this is an edgar/mc thing, i found fleshing out the kyle/mc relationship equally important which i presented in scene three. personally speaking, i’d like to think that if ever kyle didn’t fall in love with mc (on his own route???) he’d still be watching over her anyway since her struggle in the medical field + war reminds him a bit of his younger self after his brother's death.

which is why he doesn't intervene with that one soldier scene - he doesn't coddle her either when she goes into a brief shock. perhaps it's bc he knows so well what she's going through, he decides to let her handle it on her own. this was her experience, not his. and to be fair, she asked to go to the front lines determined but wholly unprepared emotionally. he tried warning her, she wouldn’t listen. now she faces the consequences - how would she go about it?

i decided to slap a name into mc this time to highlight the trust plot: idk if i got it clearly across in the fic, but in times of war + for someone who’s been trained to be suspicious / cautious of everyone like edgar; secrets are a surefire way to catch attention + breed distrust.

tbh he's hella aware that the secret around her name is most likely personal and nothing dangerous, but it's better safe than sorry - by making sure she understands that keeping secrets wouldn't be of any good to her + situation, he gets reassurance that she really is harmless. how bad + seriously she takes it honestly surprises him tho, but then again she's been going through other stuff too so it all piled up.

idike isn’t my in-game name, but it’s the given name i spoke of in this ask, haha! initially scene five has her saying her full name (with surname), but i thought it would be more fitting if i didn’t lol ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

i tried to incorporate a mix of the personalities of edgar’s!mc + kyle’s!mc onto idike, tho at first i was only shooting for the latter - i think it kinda works??? while somewhat composed and determined (kyle’s), she still shows some naivete in her (edgar’s), especially concerning the ways of war + how secrecy & trust work in times of war.

i found emphasizing on her emotional struggle important, since it should be a big blow for her who’s never known the terror of war. the game touches upon on it a bit (tho it's post-med tent scenes) and i wanted to expand on it further since there are so many possible angles to go about it.

the i can’t heal you if you’re dead line sounds like something like shiro emiya might say but lol no i just remembered this p3 manga panel (pg 24) - its been years since i read it and i still love that line and i integrated it here... i was trying to expand that one scene for a while but then i just left it as it is.

in the catharsis scene where idike airs out everything, the fact that edgar fails to empathize with her + focuses more on her emotional state rather than offering actual help (advice maybe, but i honestly doubt he’d do that) reflects that he's still looking at her as an interesting creature and not her as a person. part 5 hints that this may be slowly changing, seeing as he called for her all of a sudden.

... idike probably keeps edgar’s glove as a token of friendship or smth haha ooPSSS i forgot to bring that back ahahaha..... ヘ（。□°）ヘ

ooofff i guess that’s all i have??? a big thank you to whoever read both hot messes™ and by that the fic + commentary itself!!! do feel free to hit the inbox for any comments + questions + more brainstorming + general screaming haha! ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

[otg2012]

These are questions asked about my writing by a few readers. 

I’m OnTheGround2012 on AO3 and I make reference to different stuff I’ve written that can be found here:

Teen Wolf: All I Saw Was You | What If It's You? | Throw Your Weight On Me

Eyewitness | Black Sails | Medici: The Magnificent | The Red Line

* DO NOT READ question 9 (the last one) unless you have read chapter 79 of "All I Saw Was You" because the question is a spoiler.

1 . "All I Saw Was You" is set in several timelines. Do you have any diagram or something that helps you not to get lost in it?  

No, I don’t have any timeline. I usually re-read any chapter/s if I have any doubt about some detail, especially if I write a flashback and I think it makes reference to something specific that may have been mentioned before. I think that having a timeline wouldn’t help with those things anyway. I guess that for me, things like their ages and what happens to them at that time is clear and it’s easy to remember.

2. Do you make any notes to not forget what happened in previous chapters?

I have a page where I add any new chapter I write and I edit the position on the list when it’s posted since I don’t post in the order in which I write (which I have mentioned in the notes a few times because sometimes I post years after I’ve written it). I write the title, the characters and a very short description of what it deals with. I also point it out if it’s a flashback and if it’s finished or not.

3. The relationship between Jackson and Stiles is emotive and obviously passionate, however, you do not explore their physical relationship. Is that a conscious choice or are you averse to anything that may change the rating from "G"? (This is curiosity only, no judgment!)

It is very conscious. Writing sex is truly complicated and I think I’m pretty bad at it. It is not something that everybody can do, so I don’t think it’s because of the language. I don’t see myself writing any sex scene in Spanish either.

When something is so hard to write, it becomes a waste of time because I don’t want to write something that is gonna be awful to read… the only thing I’ll achieve is to fuck up the chapter.

That being said, I also hate writing kissing but since it’s important in some scenes, I have read a lot about it and I have worked hard on many chapters to try to write some decent kissing. It has meant hours of work but I’ve done it in many chapters. I have also written some sexual situations (which were also difficult for me) because they were important for the plot, and I wrote an explicit sex scene in chapter 75.

I don't think that you need to write something explicit for people to understand how they feel about each other. I think there are other ways to do it and that's what I always try to do.

4. Why Jackson and Stiles? Or to expand, what is it about this pair that you thought would provide enough tension and interest that their story arc spanned years of effort on your part?

Firstly, Jackson is my favorite character and I hate how people write himmost of the time. I don't recognize his voice or the character's personality.

And from the start, I saw tons of chemistry between Jackson and Stiles. I watched season 1 and half of 2 (up to where it was airing then) before checking the fandom and what people were writing and it blew my mind that people saw any chemistry between Stiles and Derek… it is something that I will never understand because I don’t see it at all.

Then, I was sad to see that my ship had very few fics and they were all terrible and I had nothing to read. (But I must say that later I found a few good writers who wrote stackson and did a good job… so yeah, there are at least three or four people out there whose writing I enjoy).

Besides, the relationship between Stiles and Jackson was always this terrible "I hate you" thing that I don't give a shit about. It's always boring and terribly written. People just don't write plots that are interesting to me... and usually their voices are very bad too, which doesn't help either.

So, yeah, I decided to start writing because of all those reasons.

Basically, I thought about writing a scene I imagined like a challenge to try to write them the way I see them. It was both about their voices and their relationship. That scene was Stiles in a hospital bed looking at a ring that he doesn’t recognize. (I think it was his father who tells him to look at the ring).

5. I am not a fan of the other universes you write in so I have not read those stories. However I noticed that the TW universe has gotten the majority of your creative juices - the sheer number of stories far and away strips that of any other universe. What is it about the TW that sparks your creativity?

Well, what happens is that TW is the fandom where I have been longer. Writing the voices is easier and I also have more ideas. In the other fandoms, I have problems like not feeling confident to write the voices of the characters. Sometimes it can be because the show was very short (like Eyewitness or The Red Line) and I’d have needed more episodes to catch the voices, and in other cases, the historical style of the writing is an added challenge. That is why I’m very proud of the few things I’ve written for Black Sails or The Medici—because I didn’t think I could actually do it and at least I tried my best and accomplished to show what I had in mind.

6. Which do you prefer, fandom or Original works? And why?

I only have written fanfiction and the reason is that you write your story with characters that people know… so hopefully, it’s easier to have feedback about it. I do have original characters so they are an original work in a way… and I like writing them but not more than writing Stiles or Jackson.

7. What do Ilya and Kyle have in common? (This was asked in a chapter)

I think Ilya and Kyle have in common that they are survivors of difficult circumstances. Both of them have been affected by society in different ways when they meet. Ilya has been bullied and, as he says, deaf people think he can hear and hearing people think he’s deaf. He’s in the middle of both worlds.

And Kyle has been damaged by the foster system and doesn’t feel like he belongs anywhere. He’s probably been bullied too and he has trusting issues.

8. Can explain your writing process, is it touch and go, sit down and all at once, etc?

I never write a chapter in one day. I’m not a fast writer, so it takes time and it's a lot of work. At least I need 2 or 3 days for something that is around 1200/1500 words… so, if it’s longer, it will take more days. Besides, that is the first draft. I always edit it another day and I usually change and add lines before sending it to my beta.

Most of the time I have a simple idea of what it is about (like “Jackson is going to Chicago and he’s packing and frustrated”) but many times the dialogue takes you in a very unexpected direction and the first idea I had becomes something different. And many times I don’t know how to end the chapter and, in that case, I spend a lot of time thinking about it or I write something that I end up changing later.

Sometimes when I have an idea I can only write about 300/400 words before I get tired or before I don’t know how the hell to continue the dialogue, so that is why many times, it’s good to stop and continue another day because usually, something comes to me that allows me to develop the story and finish it.

Other times, things are more complicated when you have a very simple idea like “they are kidnapped in a basement” and you have to consider where you want to go and what they have to say and in what order to get there. In a case like that, I try to do a mental list of the main topics that I want them to speak about and obviously, when I edit it, I can change the order of the things if it doesn’t feel right.

With the stories which require a certain style/way of talking like with Black Sails or The Medici, I made a lot of questions to my beta about the use of many words and expressions and I made a lot of mistakes—because it’s not only what they say, but also how they say that matters.

Sometimes I have an idea that I think it's gonna take like a couple of chapters like "What If It's You?" and it ends up needing five because it becomes longer than you expected. And later, it has grown even more when I had ideas to continue the story.

SPOILER IN 9:

(SPACE just in case)

9. Why did you decide to write Ilya deaf?

As far as I can remember, even before I knew his name, I knew he was deaf. I didn’t think I’d ever actually mention it or write him, but I knew that nonetheless. Sometimes you know something because you imagine/feel it that way and there is not a specific reason.

That being said, I think in the back of my mind I had two reasons. Firstly, that for me it’s important to include people with disabilities if I can because it saddens me that they get forgotten so often on television, etc… and I also think they bring realism to the story and, as consequence, it is richer and more interesting. For example, later, it allowed me to talk about bullying and that is something else I never had in mind to do in this series.

Secondly, it could be a consequence of the accident and the trauma that Jackson went through, but at the same time, many times there is not a reason, so they don’t know the cause and it’s something that they will never know for sure. And of course, the fact that this happened to Jackson is also important because of his personality. It brought more angst because Jackson felt guilty and that also has a consequence on his relationship with his husband.

(If anybody has any other question, you can ask it at any time.)

[thesffcorner]

S.T.A.G.S.

S.T.A.G.S. is a YA thriller written by M A Bennet. It follows Greer, a girl who is a new student at St. Aidan the Great School, or STAGS, a private, Catholic school in Northumberland England. She gets invited to a weekend of “huntin’, shootin’, and fishin’” by the Medievals, the group of 6 most popular students in the school, who practically rule the student body, along with two other students. However, as soon as Greer gets to Longcross, the estate where she’s to spend the weekend, she realizes something is amiss, and she might be in more danger than she ever thought possible. S.T.A.G.S. is a book that is so full of film and pop culture references, that I feel it’s only fitting I myself start with one; this book is basically the Riot Club, except our lead is a girl. If you’ve read the play or watched the film adaptation then you know exactly what kind of story you’re in for, and if you liked either, than you will definitely like this. Let’s start with the setting; I don’t read a lot of books by English authors, and it was honestly refreshing to read this one, because England as a country is both much closer to what I’m used to, being from Europe, while also being entirely different. I didn’t care too much about the meticulous descriptions of the estate and the school, however, what I liked was that this books avoids my pet peeve of having these descriptions being meaningless. This is told in first person, and the way Greer tells the story, is like a diary entry that she’s writing after all the events have already happened. As such, she’s able to give little hints and comments on everything she sees and experiences, like what things remind her off, or why she thought they were relevant to mention. She also makes a lot of remarks on things I don’t often read in these types of books, the main one being money and status. I really, really liked this aspect of the book. Bennet talks a lot about accents, dialects and pronunciation, and how that determines not just what part of the country you come from, but also your social and economic status. Greer is from Manchester, and as such she has a pretty thick accent, that immediately marks her as an outsider in the posh world of high class British society. There are parts of the novel where Bennet writes out phonetically what words sound like, and how their pronunciation is very different depending on who’s speaking. When the Medievals talk, they add r’s in words that don’t have them, and they clip their words so that they never say the full thing. When Nel, another character who is as rich, but she is new money talks, the way she pronounces the word ‘love’ nets her the receiving end of bullying because of her not truly being posh. This discussion of class becomes even more complicated when we take into account religion, race and new vs old money. Nel, who is richer than probably even the Medievals is still shunned and bullied, because she got the money recently, and as such has no class or social standing. The Medievals all come from incredibly rich, well connected old families; their leader Henry has had the land since the 11th century, because of an ancestor who fought in the crusades. Likewise, another character, Shafeen, whose father is a literal Indian Prince, and his family has been royalty, rich and high class for much longer than any of the Medievals’ families is rejected and bullied because of his skin color, and the fact that he’s Indian. This dissection of class, race, economic status and language was so fascinating to me because I never see it explored like this in YA; it’s also a nice refresher for American readers that racism and classism though by no means gone in Europe, operate differently than they do in the US. Another thing about the setting that I really enjoyed was the discussion about what class and rich actually means. Like I said, Nel is rich, but all her clothes are brand new, and everything she does and wears seems to be a little bit off. Though she imitates the mannerisms and even the speaking style of the Medievals almost perfectly, the fact that everything on her is brand new is what gives her away as a poser. There are scenes where Greer walks around the manner and notes how despite everything being incredibly opulent it’s also falling apart; the clothes are old and have been worn, the walls have gold decals that are peeling, the house itself is old. I was reminded constantly of a comment a friend of my family made about how people in England live in houses that barely have modern plumbing just because they are old and ‘traditional’, and refuse or in many cases can’t integrate modern technology to make life easier and more pleasant. Speaking of technology, that’s another topic that’s greatly discussed in this book. I found this was explored less well, and I thought it was a bit on the nose, mostly because it intersects heavily with the reason everyone is going to Lockwood in the first place, so I can’t discuss it without spoilers. I did like that technology wasn’t vilanized and even ended up helping at the end. You might be wondering why I gave this book only 3 stars if nothing I said so far was negative. That mostly comes down to the plot and the ending. I feel like the plot was fairly predictable. Partly because the story is told in flashback and partly because it’s very easy to guess where things are going, I never really felt true tension in the scenes that were meant to be tense. I was worried about the characters sure, but I knew more or less exactly how things would pan out, and I guessed fairly easily who would be the one to die. Even the very final twist I saw coming from a mile away, and since the book has an open ending, I’m not really sure how to feel about it. If there’s ever a sequel maybe it would make more sense, but as is, it feels like the book came to a natural conclusion, and then had a last minute Bloomhouse style twist thrown at the very end that deflates a lot of what made it good up until that point. There were also some issues with the characters. Let’s start with the Medievals. There are 6 of them: 3 girls and 3 boys. I had a lot of trouble telling any of them apart, mostly because they are meant to resemble and act like each other, but also because outside of Henry, Greer has very little interaction with any of them. Bennett tries to distinguish the 3 blonde Medieval girls from one another: Charlotte is the preppiest one, who is the most fake enthusiastic and ‘speaks in italics’. Esme is the fake polite one, who pretends to be friendly, and Lara is the Russian one with the lazy, condescending accent. However, since the interaction between Greer and them is so minimal, I ended up only really distinguishing Lara, because she’s Henry’s girlfriend and Russian. However, the girls have nothing on Henry’s buddies, Cockson and Piers. I couldn't tell u anything about them or who’s who. All I know is that Cockson is also named Henry, but they both like drinking, they are both supremely loud and rude, and they are both indistinguishably awful. This is intentional, but like with the girls, it didn’t really make them compelling characters. Henry fares better in that he’s the only one that has any personality. Unfortunately, he suffers from this thing called informed traits, and this other thing, which doesn’t have a name, but I like to call it Ludonarrative Dissonance, but for books. We are told multiple times, by both Greer and other characters like Nel, that Henry is supremely charming. He knows the right thing to say, he knows how to touch people, how to smile, and in general how to woo everyone into following his orders. The problem was, that I never found him charming or funny, and I never thought any of the points he made were reasonable or smart. Maybe I’m just old and have been trained by the internet to never trust anyone who talks about the ‘natural order of things’ or about how ‘hunting helps cull the undesirable, lesser species’, but no one who says that is a nice or charming person. His whole diatribe about technology was likewise, like listening to an old man yell at a could. There are many valid points against how technology rules people’s lives these days, but having less time for hunting, is really not one of them. There was no real scene where I understood why Greer liked him, other than him being hot and calling her beautiful. I can’t really decide if this is a flaw with Henry as a character (since Greer is pretty dumb and naive), but the fact that I didn’t buy any of the characters traits he was meant to have doesn’t say good things. Even General Zaroff, who is character Henry is so clearly based on, was so much more charming and gallant, and had interesting things to say, even if you knew he was mad the whole time. That’s what I expected; what I got was a bad Lost villain. The lead characters fared much better. First we have Chanel or Nel. I actually liked her fine; she’s rich and incredibly insecure in her place in the world, since she grew up middle class and is forced to quickly adapt and assimilate in a world that is notoriously isolated, hostile and judgmental. She has lots of flaws; she’s superficial, she’s cowardly and she’s easily seduced, but I liked that she overcame a lot of them, and I enjoyed her friendship with Greer. Shafeen was my absolute favorite character. I don’t often read about Indian characters, and I’m not entirely sure how accurate his characterization was in this, but what we get I liked a lot. He was smart, he was opinionated and unlike Henry, he was actually charming. When he compliments Nel or Greer I believed it, and I could imagine him saying it and it sounding enticing. He wasn’t perfect either; he says some nasty things to Greer, and he also holds some ‘problematic’ views on hunting and this world of high class, which is understandable seeing as he’s royalty. Greer was interesting. I can’t say I liked her, but she wasn’t a bad character. She has this tendency to compare everything to films, which I also do, and as such I know first hand how grating it can be. I appreciated that her repertoire was pretty broad, spanning classics, French films, blockbusters and romantic comedies, and the ending bit that involved Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows was surprisingly fitting, and actually made sense with the plot of the book. However, Greer was also probably the most dumb and naive character I’ve read from in a while. I don’t mean that as in she’s badly written, I think she’s supposed to be kind of dumb. There were so many points where she lets herself be manipulated by Henry purely because it’s the easier option, and it was grating to read about. I’m not saying I want the character to be a genius, but again, maybe I’m just too old to believe the things she does even for a second. The other issue I had with Greer was that she seemed to not really have her priorities straight. This is hard to discuss without spoilers, but let’s just say, considering what she finds out about Henry, and what nearly happens to her while at the mansion, the guilt that she carries feel ill-placed. Nel even calls her out on her behavior, which makes me think it was intentional, but we never truly have a moment to acknowledge that what the Medievals are doing wasn’t just misguided and accidentally, but sociopathic, not to mention racist and classist. Overall I liked this book quite a lot. I think it was well written, explored some really interesting topics, and had a fast paced, engaging plot. I am confident that I would like anything else Bennet writes, and that with perhaps a slightly different plot, her work could be some of my favorite. As is, I do recommend this thriller, only if you manage your expectation, and have more patience for tomfoolery than me

goodreads

[brightdcys-blog]

we’re back !! with my sunshiny healer girl !!! but do not be fooled.....the sun gives life nd warmth but can also burn u to death much like sunhi.

you’ll find her bio, headcanons, and wanted connections under the cut !!

☾*✧･ﾟ:*「 kang seulgi. cisfem. she/her. 」did you know that there’s a witch in haneul known as ryu sunhi? they have been living here for six years and is a healer in training. they are currently twenty two and was a student at crocus institute of higher magic in the house hyacinth. i heard that they are known to be erratic, but worry not ! i heard they are also very passionate too. remember to stay out of trouble, the ju jak are lurking around every corner !

BIO:

sunhi was raised in the countryside outside of busan !!

her family wasn’t poor but they weren’t the most well off either. her parents ran a small potions shop that catered to both humans and magi. the divide between the two groups seemed to have not touched her small town as much as it did bigger cities.

from the age of seven her parents sent her to a magic prep school in busan to give her a leg up when she finally went to crocus. it was expensive, and they spent a large chunk of their income on it, but they truly believed it was what was best for their little girl.

from september to may she attended school in the city, living in the dormitories. during summers she would go home to the countryside.

she was a terrific student in school. since her parents were working so hard to get her an education she worked really hard to be top of her class and not step a toe out of line, for fear of ruining her chances at getting into crocus and letting her family down.

despite being a good student, sunhi’s time at the prep school wasn’t all that pleasant. she was often the target of bullying from other girls from richer families who deemed her unworthy of being there.

summers home were always her favourite because she got to spend time with her family, as well as her best friend --- a neighbourhood boy named jaejun who she had befriended in her early childhood.

the two would spend practically every day together while she was at home ( that she wasn’t working ), swimming in the lake or going on adventures in the woods. when she was away at school they kept in constant contact via handwritten letters that they would send one another every few days.

she was defs highkey in love w/ him but never said anything because she didn’t think it would be fair of her to expect a relationship when she was away in busan most of the year.

had a summer job at a tea house in her town. she saved every cent she earned so that she could move to seoul when she graduated.

at sixteen she graduated from the prep school and, as planned, moved to seoul all on her own !! she got a tiny, crappy loft apartment that was basically just a room with a kitchen on one side and empty space on the other, but it was hers and she loved it.

for two years she worked three jobs to save up enough money to continue paying her rent and living expenses while she attended school. she didn’t want to have to move into the dorms, the thought making her anxious due to how horrible her experience was in busan. she preferred the comfort of living in her own space where she could have everything her way.

a year after she moved to seoul, jaejun reached out to her after a year of very little contact asking if he could stay with her until he got himself on his feet. of course she said yes, and he moved in right away.

having him living with her was simultaneously the best and worst year of her life. the best because it was jj, the worst because of who he had become. she spent most nights waiting up for hours until he got home, constantly in a state of worry that ate away at her.

lucky for her ( i guess ) she doesn’t remember !! any of it !! because right before the two of them started attending crocus, jj wiped her memory of him and dipped.

because of that she has a lot of blank spots from her childhood. situations that don’t add up or make sense when she thinks back on them. found a shirt of his he forgot in the laundry and had no idea where it came from or why there was a guys clothing in her house. still wears the sunflower necklace he got her when they were thirteen but couldn’t tell you where she got it. 

when she started at crocus she was sorted into hyacinth. despite the house’s reputation for spitting out herbologists and seers, sunhi decided she wanted to be a field healer.

almost all of her professors tried to talk her out of it, saying that she was too softhearted for a job that draining, but that only made her want to do it more so she could prove to them ( and herself ) that she was strong and capable.

had a boyfriend for a little over a year. he sucked so she ended things to focus on school. she doesn’t really like to talk about him much because it’s still a touchy subject.

was somehow very involved but also very uninvolved with social activities at crocus. a bit of a floater, she never really settled into any particular groups of friends, instead casually befriending random people here or there. nothing really stuck though, because despite her extraverted and friendly nature she’s horrible at keeping up friendships.

graduated in the top of her class at the age of twenty one, and was quickly taken on for practical training at a magi hospital in seoul !! she’s currently employed there and mostly works with children ( even though she isn’t the biggest fan of them ) but is hoping to start field training once she’s done the basics.

just moved into a new, much nicer apartment !! thanks healer salary, u a real one !!

HEADCANONS & RANDOM FACTS:

literally probably the most social person on the planet. she will strike up a conversation with anybody anywhere because she’s just so curious about everything.

very organized and particular about her things and her space. her apartment looks like something out of home and garden and even her purse has a specially tailored organization system.

avid hockey fan !! will stay up into the wee hours of the morning to watch the live broadcast of nhl games. her favorite team is the montreal canadiens.

has a tendency to get very stressed very easily. one little thing can ruin her mojo for an entire day and she’ll be very snappy until something calms her down again.

claims to have a horrible memory because of how little of her childhood she can recall. little doES SHE KNOW !! IT AINT HER FAULT !!

is a vegetarian.

she’s so competitive it’s like an issue. she will compete with the person walking beside her down the street to see who can reach the crosswalk faster ( without even mentioning it to them ). she will even compete with herself as a way of “ self improvement. ”

pinky promises are a binding contract in her mind. will mumble a charm to herself upon making a pinky promise that will cause minor inconveniences for the other person if they should ever break their promise and not come clean about it. 

seems like the type of person who would like kids but she...really actually doesn’t. she finds them messy and annoying and she doesn’t ever plan on having kids of her own.

has a very impressive collection of scented candles.

when she’s at home she does not wear pants. she hates pants with a passion.

cannot leave the house without putting on mascara and lip tint, even if she’s just running to the mail box.

dresses like a grandpa.

cannot cook to save her life. she’s truly horrible at it, her mother is very disappointed.

keeps a very detailed planner, it’s always in her purse.

knows standard korean and when she’s working she speaks very professionally. when she’s anywhere else that busan satoori be poppin.

so loud. someone pls tell her to shut up.

if music is playing, she is dancing. she cannot be stopped. she’s just gotta groove.

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

former classmates:

sunhi was a social butterfly in school and probably knew most of the people in her year !! tbh she probably knew most of the people not in her year as well. chances are if she attended school at the same time as your muse she would know them at least a little !

competitors:

was defs that bitch who always wanted to be top of her class, and if she knew someone else was trying to encroach on that she would get very riled up and very competitive.

friends:

pls. she loves basically everyone. 10/10 will always go to lunch or just to run errands with you if you asked because she just loves being around people.

coworkers:

other healers who maybe work at the same hospital as her ? pls.

That Ex From Crocus:

big oof. don’t wanna give too much detail for this connection cause i wanna leave it open ended !! only criteria is that the relationship did not work out. gimme this one for the angst !!

someone to teach her how to cook:

i’m begging. she can’t eat takeout forever. someone save this poor woman.

i’ll add more to this as time goes on, and i’m not limited to just these connections either !! i’m honestly down for pretty much anything, just say the word and i’ll probs do it cause i’m a hoe for plots uwu

[her-culture]

My Top 10 Books of All Time, and Why You Need to Read Them

In my first article for Her Culture, I thought it would be fitting to write about books that have changed my life and shaped my world views in one way or another. My mom was a journalism major, so I guess I could say I got my love of reading from her. She used to read to me every night as a kid and imparted the importance of good literature to me. As a sociology major currently, these were very formative books in my adolescence that not only challenged certain misconceptions about the world, but allowed me to think in a more macroscopic way by reading different perspectives and experiences as well. I put my favorite quote from each book, if it had one, underneath each title—hopefully those will be enough to give you the general gist of each book. These aren’t listed in any particular order, but they are all relatively equally important to me, and it was incredibly hard to narrow it down (stay tuned for honorable mentions at the end):

The Great Gatsby – F. Scott Fitzgerald

“So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.”

When I think of this book, I have so many fond and nostalgic memories of adolescence. Even though it was not too long ago, I think this book was really my turning point to begin truly questioning the social facts that govern our society. Although the novel is relatively short, the story holds a much-needed allegory for some of the major plights of Western society: elitism, greed, class, consumerism, etc. I would call this book a buffet of sorts; I say this to mean you can take a plethora of different meanings from Fitzgerald’s relatively straightforward tale. Moreover, I recently learned that Fitzgerald was an Irish immigrant, so the concept of Gatsby’s relentless pursuit to be from East Egg is similar to his own trials and tribulations of fitting into American society—and invariably, not being able to in the end. I really love the imagery and the language in this book as well; essentially, Fitzgerald paints an exquisite portrait of the problem of the consumerist God we worship in America. My favorite imagery in the book is probably the eyes of Dr. T.J. Eckelburg; that’s one of my favorite images ever in literature, actually.

Mrs. Dalloway – Virginia Woolf

“Fear no more the heat of the sun”

This book reminds me of the conversations I’d have with my best friend in high school every day after AP Literature. We’d get coffee and drive around and talk about the various existential topics the book discusses. The book takes place over the course of 24 hours, it essentially covers a middle-aged woman’s retrospective meditation of her life and past decisions as she prepares to throw a party. Although it seems like a simple plot, it delves into ideas about purpose, free will, and even the profound effect strangers can have on your life. I loved the interpolation of other people’s narratives into the story as well; it made the story richer than just Mrs. Dalloway’s narration. Furthermore, I like the stream of consciousness style that you don’t see in many critically acclaimed works, but it makes it feel all the more intimate. Not only do you feel for Mrs. Dalloway, Septimus, and others, but the power of this style of writing makes it seem like you are in that character’s predicament. It reminds me not only of the fragility of life itself, but of the gravity of what you would consider menial everyday interactions can have—the butterfly effect.

Song of Solomon – Toni Morrison

“If you surrendered to the air, you could ride it.”

My mother is specifically to thank for reading this book. She suggested it to me the summer before senior year, and since summer had always been my prime reading time in high school, I read it. Toni Morrison is one of the best writers of the century, without a doubt, and this book is all the proof you need to believe this claim. She created an intricate masterpiece, intertwining various double-entendres—especially with the names of characters, time periods, storylines, and more. Her language is vivid, and every word is meaningful; she has no fillers. Every aspect of the story adds to the jigsaw puzzle that is solved at the end of the book. I’d hate to give any of the plot away, but one of the characters is named Guitar because he’s instrumental to the development of the protagonist, but that’s just one example of her mastery. It explores race, ancestry, colorism, and the power of self as well. This is one of my top favorites of all time, and if I were to order them, this one would without a doubt be close to the top.  

Flowers for Algernon – Daniel Keys

“I don’t know what’s worse: to not know what you are and be happy, or to become what you’ve always wanted to be, and feel alone.”

When I first read this book, I was relatively young, but it still had a profound impact. I think it challenged me to think about the power of sentience and that it’s one of the many things we take for granted. It reminds me a bit of some themes in Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men (an honorable mention), but in my opinion, it’s less cliché in a way. Although it’s technically supposed to be a young adult novel, I would say it has a lot of adult themes, so it was a good stepping stone into adult tragedy. Charly’s connection to Algernon is one of the most poignant relationships in literature, and I do feel like this book gets overlooked frequently when we discuss the greats. On another note, it also caused me to evaluate the power of interactions and relationships with others, as humans are innately relational; this book does a fantastic job of capturing that aspect of life.

Jazzy Miz Mozetta – Brenda C. Roberts

“Okay, young cats, let the beat hit your feet.”

This is the only children’s book in my top 10, but for a good reason. This is another book my mother introduced, but way earlier than the others she suggested, as she would read it to me at night. She’d read it probably 3-5 times a week because this was one of my favorite ones. When I see this book, I have so many fond memories of my mother tucking me in with my matching pajamas and warm milk at night. To this day, I appreciate this book as one of the most incredible children’s books of all time. Roberts’ incredible vision of music, color, and sound made me proud to be black at such a young age, in a world that doesn’t want you to feel comfortable in your own skin. Moreover, you don’t see many children’s books with black protagonists, and this was such a fantastic representation. Especially because I also love music, she did such a good job of creating that through the illustrations. It emphasizes community, music, and living life to the fullest.  

Tuck Everlasting – Natalie Babbitt

“Don't be afraid of death; be afraid of an unlived life. You don't have to live forever, you just have to live.”

Tuck Everlasting was one of the first books that really caused me to examine mortality in a secular sense. I went to church school once a week as a kid, and that was the only space where we discussed life and death in that way, so this was an important introduction to the concept of death altogether, in a sense. We’ve all heard about the fountain of youth at one point or another in our lives, and this novel explores that idea essentially. I also really like the tension between immortality and a normal life, somewhat reminiscent of the Greek myth of Eurydice when Orpheus goes back to the Underworld to retrieve her. This is another book connected to my mother actually, who read it at the same time as me so I would have someone to discuss my reading with and bounce off my ideas. I think this is part of the reason this book resonated so deeply with me; I had an adult to converse complex topics of mortality with.  

The Virgin Suicides

“It didn't matter in the end how old they had been, or that they were girls, but only that we had loved them, and that they hadn't heard us calling, still do not hear us, up here in the tree house, with our thinning hair and soft bellies, calling them out of those rooms where they went to be alone for all time, alone in suicide, which is deeper than death, and where we will never find the pieces to put them back together.”

The above quote is relatively long compared to the rest, but it’s one of my favorite passages in literature. I love the effervescent, ethereal nature of this book. I almost feel nostalgic reading it, although I didn’t grow up in the 70s, but there’s somewhat of a vintage quality to it. These aspects are kind of similar to Lois Lowry’s book A Summer to Die. If you can get past the gruesome, macabre aspect of the actual storyline—young girls committing suicide—you can bask in Eugenides’ masterpiece. His syntax is honestly unmatched, as well as his symbolism. In my opinion, this is a much better version of the popular young adult novel 13 Reasons Why, as it goes into detail about what led to the suicides and you get a look inside the minds of the girls, but from an outsider perspective (as young boys are the narrators of the novel, along with an occasional third person narrator). As a male, Eugenides encapsulates not only youth but the experience of adolescence as a girl as well. The writing is just beautiful, and that’s all I can say about it. The interesting part is that although I guess this would be categorized as a tragedy and certainly has a melancholy tinge to it, you don’t finish the book feeling sad necessarily. I was unsettled, but I still wouldn’t consider it a tragedy per se. Eugenides’ genre-defying classic is one that needs to be acknowledged as the phenomenal work that it is. To this day, I don’t know if I’ve read a book like this one, in the best way possible.

Slaughterhouse-Five – Kurt Vonnegut

“Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.”

The way this book was introduced to me was as a book “about World War II and aliens,” and that is basically the most accurate summary I’ve ever read. It’s hard to say exactly what the premise of this book is because it really is about a wide array of topics, but it’s all connected, and it makes sense when you read it. It had a huge impact on me because I’ve never read a book as non-traditional as this one. I appreciate Vonnegut because he doesn’t subscribe to anyone’s rules—another genre-bender, one could say. It would be diminishing to this work to say that it’s about existentialism, but it is in a sense. The Tralfamadorians (the aliens in the novel), teach Billy how to look at his life macroscopically, and also about the deceptive nature of time. In Vonnegut’s words, “so it goes.”

Tess of the d’Urbervilles – Thomas Hardy

“Beauty lay not in the thing, but in what the thing symbolized.”

I can’t lie, I wasn’t the biggest fan of this book when I started it because I wasn’t sure where it was going. It has a Pride and Prejudice nature to it at the beginning before you delve into the plot that makes it seem sort of outdated, and although it is a timepiece technically, the actual message of the novel is timeless. There’s a lot more than meets the surface in this novel, and the imagery is also incredible. Hardy’s message is essentially about “crass casualty and dicing time” which is basically the notion that random things happen to us at random times and there’s nothing we can do about it. This also counters the notion of free will which is an interesting stance especially for the time this book was written. In fact, when this book was first published it was banned because of the depiction of rape and of secularism as well. At the time it was written (The Scarlet Letter era), the woman was the party at fault if she was raped, so it was met with generally negative feedback at first. Once I finished the book, I was a huge fan just because Hardy went against all norms to write such a tale. I specifically like the idea that Tess essentially saves herself in every scenario in the novel; Hardy knew even in 1891 that she didn’t need a man to save her.

The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao – Junot Díaz

“Each morning, before Jackie started her studies, she wrote on a clean piece of paper: Tarde venientibus ossa. To the latecomers are left the bones.”

This book needs to be regarded as one of the best ones of our generation, as well as Junot Díaz as an author. Not only is this book timely, but it is also timeless. I really liked the integration of the actual history of the Dominican Republic into the novel, and also the acknowledgment of the intersection of race, language, history, and culture as the book is written in Spanglish. We don’t read many books in school or any books that garner any major media attention about Afro-Latino comic book nerds and their histories, so it’s important for a number of reasons. Díaz takes us on a long, vibrant journey through many genres, full of culture, and unrefined.

These are my top 10 books, at least as of right now, as the more books I read, the more the list changes. However, many of these will always remain at the top as classics to me. These are all must-reads not just because of how significant they were to me, but because of their respective contributions to literature. Outside of the fact that a few of them aren’t even categorizable into a genre, these books were truly eye-opening and formative for me. If you like to conceptualize the world and read about various topics from free will to mortality, I would highly consider reading at least a few of these, if not all.

Separately, I would like to think of this list as an ode to my childhood, and even more to my mother. She gave me this passion and this insatiable love of literature, so I truly thank her for taking the time to read to me, with me, and even for her suggestions. I can’t thank her enough.

[wawue526]

Landscaping Ideas in a Desert Climate

Lots of people might first question why they will even bother gardening their backyard. A story of grass, an outdoor, and their all great to go. I've held it's place in plenty of properties over time and have observed some really spectacular backyards and some of the very barren plots of soil you are able to imagine. The very best looking backyards talk about character and offer a actual effect of splendor and an atmosphere of comfort and relaxation. It's no wonder why persons go to areas to obtain out or get farming as a hobby. It's no wonder why people love flowers and beautiful scenes of nature. Creating that in your backyard will bring a place of peace, and give you anything to complete in maintaining it.

On the turn area the worst backyards give the feeling of negativity. How can one discover peace or curl up on a huge spot of soil? It appears like a desert. Writers and philosophers could associate a desert with loneliness and emptiness. The reasons may be many why a backyard  is held in a state of disarray. Time could be a issue in that the home manager is always busy and has no time. Probably this implies someone who needs to have a vacation, or just some time off. It doesn't get a long time to seed a flower. Other times the house owner only doesn't care. That's fine because it's their home to do with what they want. The simple fact is that it may be much more; much more inviting. The actual benefit is that a wonderful backyard actually adds to the price of the home also, so why can you not want to produce it beautiful?

Ideas and models are nearly infinite. Less is more as some might claim, so in the event of an inferior backyard a little lawn, a couple of bushes, an outdoor and a keeping stone wall could possibly be just fine. A larger backyard could demand more, but actually then it doesn't always take a lot. Our backyard is pretty large by many suburban requirements and it seems great. What all is there? A sizable grassy place, a cement terrace, and a place circumventing the lawn that is covered in selection of woods and bushes, not a ton actually, but sufficient to equally room things out and allow it to be search complete, and last but not least there's a gazebo which was there when we transferred in.

The majority of the specialists can suggest one to take a backyard gardening idea that will provide good people to your garden in just about any season. Deciduous trees look good on some periods, however, not every one of the four. With it constancy, evergreens give a permanent beauty regardless the season. Your garden can have exactly the same temperature in the winter because it has in summer time, thanks to the evergreens. That is why the most crucial section of a good backyard gardening idea may be the stability of the yard in most of the seasons.

Beside evergreens, there's yet another good backyard landscaping idea that's to put up some hardscape. Hardscape here suggests walls, rocks, surfaces, etc., and exactly like evergreens, additionally they permanently construct character to your yard. Hardscape and hiking woods could make the very best mixture in the summertime, within the cold weather you can just collection beautiful trees around that hardscape. Don't overlook that a excellent backyard landscaping idea employs many aspects, not just plants.

Wall and adding some walls is a way to figure your home, especially your yard. They set special characteristic relying on the patterns and materials. They are able to improve your garden feeling, or if you prefer, you may make them set an alternative image in order to produce a richer atmosphere to your property. If you truly wanted to obtain the best idea in beautifying your yard, you can end seeking now, you already read the most effective one.

If you're serious about landscaping your backyard then take the time and contemplate your options concerning how to proceed. If money isn't any selection you may hire a landscaper and review ideas with them. Some of the finest looking backyards I've observed have now been professionally done and actually increase the price of the property. If you're on a budget than books are the simplest way to go. There are virtually hundreds of publications on the main topic of landscaping. Stop at the selection and borrow a couple of for the expense of nothing. Remove some publishing materials and take notes on which the books say. Consider your backyard and make a design of what you will like and where to place it. Think about the ground and where the most effective soil is and where the water could work too. A large point to think about is what crops and woods you wish to put right back there. Not absolutely all flowers are fitted to all climates. Some flowers will grow where others might easily die.

Ultimately it's time to do anything with that clear cement patio. Easy ideas to start with include only getting a deck furniture set, and a fire pit. That generates an tempting area for family and friends to invest time outside enjoying each others company, while the heat of the fire keeps people sensation relaxed and secure properly in to the night hours. Some individuals like to get nice making use of their designs and this is where the enjoyment begins. Generally look at a budget before beginning which means you don't get carried away. That cement deck may be converted into something really amazing to see in a couple of crucial ways. First off, you are able to section off places where you want to split the cement up and set crops there, then set a small stone wall around them. A cobble rock journey could really create figure and contrast in the absolute most generally traveled areas. And what man wouldn't need an integrated outdoor barbecue? Develop a common area by mixing all these components and if you'd like you are able to move one step more by encompassing this common region with a tiny wall that may double as a bench.

Ideas abound when it comes to landscaping. Don't restrict your creativity, just be confined by your budget. A well designed backyard may add so significantly to a home, and provide you with a interest to spend your time with. Once you search back at the conclusion you'll enlarge with pleasure at your success and you'll generally need to appear out the screen if you walk previous to see what you did.

[eonsandechos]

The Fall...

The fall began just like any other day, it was a little colder if I must say. Bad luck was a little more persistent, and hope was little more fleeting. But all in all things were as normal as they could get. Kids were playing a little too rough, and a lot too loud. Adults were all in their heads, neck deep in bills and trying to figure how to get out. Problems not discussed in front of children of course. As to not introduce them to the horrors that they would be facing all too soon.  It was a rather dark time, shadowed in a false light, war was on the horizon and could probably begin with first light. Although only a few could see it, we all sensed it coming for us. It was like the way a nightmare would begin, you could feel that something wasn’t right. Like everything was a little out of place, or maybe even a little too perfect. Nothing is ever that perfect… that's when it all started to make sense. Everything started to add up as if the puzzle pieces were little itty bitty fractions. You start to notice the ever changing factions, if you weren't this, then you were that, and if for some reason you didn’t seem to fit, well then welcome to a life as an outcast. All you were allowed to do was preach to the choir and speak on deaf ears. For no one would ever really listen, they'd just hear what they wanted to hear, make premeditated presumptions of who you were and who you were bound to become, as if the mold was made of stone. As if you would fit every stereotype. This was how the fall began, people knew what they knew regardless of what was true, and as much as ambition is a necessity, it can always be the cinder block tied to your waste in shark infested waters. No one was truly friends, just friendly enemies, none of them were ever really genuinely concerned for your well-being. They would just ask in a deceptive way to see your next move, or who was the target on the chopping block. The world was going mad and that's exactly the type of chaos that was needed for this type of devastation to take place. The economy was in shambles but a facade they would create with creative little phrases to make us believe everything was going great. Of course these things were always easy to say, until someone with out blinders would take a look around and see the terrors true face. The world wasn’t just mad, it was completely fake. There was so much talk about fake news, everyone would destroy everyone's credibility, so no body could truly take anything as fact. All the good things were lies and all the bad things would become cover ups. People who seemed to get a little to close to the truth would then be labeled conspiracy nuts. Yes, the fall came in the dead of night, in the middle of a cold winter. People were struggling just to get by, but would pretend that everything was simple. The rich got richer, and turn their backs on the majority, while performing dirty deeds and shady midnight deals. They got extremely clever with the way that they would pass bills. On the surface it looked like an answer to prayers, but a couple pages in and it was full of more nightmares, they would give a little and take a lot, and would do so with a very simple plot. They worded it incoherently, and did aerobatics through loop-holes, they would leave us distracted fighting each other with arguments that did nothing but divide us further into these groups. They were oh so quick to divide and conquer. Afterwards they'd blame this group, or side with that, by the time most of the world noticed, our youth was already wrapped up in one of these sects. The illegals, The colored, The ones who couldn't commit to English, The Rich, The Poor, The Forgotten or The Privileged. It all sounds kind of Familiar huh? Like history repeating itself, well that’s how the fall began, and that's how it becomes hell. They took the Police Force and turned them into a gang, they protected the privileged when a color kid was hanged. We had Nazi's marching in the streets for equal rights, even though in hindsight they'd commit some insidious crimes, We had Pedophiles proclaiming children as their sexuality, We had Racists attacking and terrorizing families. We had people who dedicated their quiet lives and families to a country who wouldn’t give a shit about anything but the next ante, so daddy and mommy were going back to Mexico, and their children had to stay with their nannies. Politicians promised many different things, among them was justice and peace, but the only thing they ever seemed to deliver was corruption and greed. Never mind the fact that we as a people were broken and in desperate need, never mind the homeless veterans that we had on the street, or the empty houses that seemed to fill the market by the fleet. If it doesn’t turn a profit there wasn’t any point, and don’t mind that College Boy Selling heroine, there a black kid with a joint! This Was the beginning of a fall that nobody seemed to see, and this I must say was just the surface unfortunately. They say "We" as if they are a part of us, but pardon me if a Politician, I do not trust, For the Downfall us all seemed to be the agenda from the start but everyone else seemed to not really take it to heart. So the fall happened, and it happened so fast.

-Faze-

[his-naughty-little-kitten]

Hi there! I have a genuine q. Why do you most kuro fans believe Seb and Ciel are in an intimate relationship (that's not shown explicitly to readers)? I get all the fanservice (fangirl over it tbh), but the kid -freaks- when others touch him. It's even happened with Sebastian. Yana sensei hints the cult assaulted him so all the 'don't touch me!' moments stem from that. With Ciel's visible trauma, I'm kinda scratching my head why so many people legitimately think Ciel wants to do his butler?

Hello, Anon ~

Wow, that’s a very interesting question! However, I’m afraid Icannot speak for the whole fandom, so I can only give you my personal opinion.

Definitely, one of the things that encourage theshipping is the fanservice. Yaoi fans are naturally attracted to series withtwo male leads, and shippers of any kind will always start shipping charactersthat spend a lot of time together, have a close relationship and make a lot ofphysical contact, as those are the things that lead to a strong bond (romanticor otherwise) in real life. So if you add some nearly sexual situations,suggestive comments and a certain amount of possessiveness, what you got is(something resembling) a relationship. It’s only natural that the fans ship it. Yet, I can seeyou’re hintingsomething deeper than a platonic relationship and, while I’m not one ofthose who believe that they fuck behind closed doors, there are severalin-canon reasons why such a thing wouldn’t be so unlikely.

1.- Sebastian’s character

Sebastianis portrayed in the manga as a very seductive human as well as a sinful demon.He’s what one would call a ‘lady-killer’, though it’s been made obvious throughthe manga that is not only ‘ladies’ that he’s interested in. We know he’s anexperienced seducer, but does he have any preferences?

Yana addressed this topic in a post she called “Sebastian’s favoritetype” (  http://akumadeenglish.tumblr.com/post/127400149717/sebastians-favourite-type ) and we were told that, when it comes to sex,Sebastian does not care about gender or age - a curious answerthat I believe is a subtle way of addressing the controversial topic aboutSebastian and Ciel age difference - and when having a long-term human partnerhe seeks an outstanding beauty as well as a high class soul, and the authormentions Ciel having those qualities. So we can deduce something from this;Sebastian likes Ciel. Maybe not romantically, as we know demons can’t love thesame way humans do, but there’s definitely some attraction beyond mere curiosity.Sebastian chose Ciel and he did so very carefully. This is not fanservice, butrather, a part of the character’s development, a confirmed canon fact.  

Apart from that, we’ve seen Sebastian caring for Ciel many times in a muchdeeper fashion than the mere “omg, I’ll lose my breakfast!” I can’t list all themoments in which this is shown because there are many, but another bloggeralready did something similar. (See it here - http://rabid-bunny.tumblr.com/post/144133678003/i-was-wondering-do-you-think-sebastian-and-ciel)

So, we have attraction + care. Maybe that isn’t enough tosay that he loves Ciel, but for a demon, I’d say it’s close enough, so the ‘Seba’ part ofSebciel is definitely not unrealistic. Now we only have to prove that Ciel isjust as willing as Sebastian is.

2.- Ciel’s character

Manga is a somewhat strict comic type. It followscertain guidelines and tropes that, while not mandatory, are to a certainextent what makes manga to be identified as manga. Those guidelines ofteninclude certain character archetypes. Think, for example, of a shonenprotagonist or a shojo heroine. And I’m sure that, when you think of other shonenprotagonists, Ciel seems kind of out of place. Well, that’s because Cielis a shota.

Shota is a manga genre that showcases underaged boysin sexual situations. And while it may seem controversial to the eyes of awestern reader, shota is a genre Yana is familiar with.

(Image - To the left, a shota boy as portrayed in one of Yana’s previous works, Glamorous Lip. To the right, Ciel in a famous manga scene.)

That alone is enough to justify the possible sexualinterpretations of many of the scenes she has drawn, as they are not innocentlydone. The author knows very well what she’s writing about and she purposely teases the reader.But, as you say, Ciel is a character that has never shown any sexualinclination through the series, be it due to a traumatic past experience orsimply to his young age.  

Ciel’s sexuality is a very interesting topic itself and I’d gladlydedicate a whole post to it alone, but I’ll summarize or this will be too long; Ciel isdefinitely knowledgeable about sex, whether he likes it or not. He isn’t innocent, asmany readers claim him to be. (“I’m already a ‘lady’” – vol. 02 ch. 07 – Ciel, when asked if he was tooyoung for “that pleasurable thing”.)

He’s also old enough in his universe, regardlessof realism on that matter, as other characters are already exposed to sexualityat his age or even younger (Siegleinde, Alois, Joan…) Yet he’s definitely notstraight.

Hehas expressed his disinterest in girls, women and marriage several times (“I don’thave time to associate with little girls”, vol. 01, ch. 02) and, while it maybe arguable that he has also refused his many male suitors (aka, asexuality),he didn’t hesitate when he had to use his ‘charm’ to seduce a man (ViscountDruitt, Edgard Redmond). He’s also been portrayed in many overly sexualizedscenes regarding men and, in fact, he also doesn’t get much female attention unlessthe eventual “aww, so cute…”, and the exception of Lizzy, his cousin, and Nina,the lesbian character, which suggests that the author is hinting the characteras homosexual. 

Butthis alone doesn’t solve the problem of his fear. Ciel was probably abused,most likely by men, and he fears intrusive adults and intimate touches. Yet hedoesn’t seem to fear Sebastian’s touch, however. Yes, there was a moment inwhich he did, confused as he was in his illness, mixing reality with hallucinations.It wasn’t Sebastian who he feared, but rather the man his eyes were seeing.

(Image - Hallucination vs reality; vol.19 ch. 90)

All the other times, he seems quite comfortable withit, including intimate touch. In fact, they initiate physical touch with eachother all the time. But, as for whether that’s enough to overcome Ciel’s phobia, that’s open for interpretation.

3.- The very own nature of demons and the contract

Thestory of Kuroshitsuji is a tale of lust. Sebastian lusts for Ciel. He desireshim. He’s possessive and doesn’t let anyone else threaten what’s his. (“The simple fact that someone other than I touches the Young Master disgusts me enough” - Sebastian in the 6th episode of the second anime season) He enjoys making him lookbeautiful (see “Sebastian’s favorite type” again). He takes delight fromripping off his clothes (refer to the CD Drama of pure, unadulteratedfanservice - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9vTgzWL41U  ) And more than anything he seeks to defilethe boy in every possible way. The more the boys sins, the richer his soulbecomes. And it is also a matter of pride. Sebastian is a sinful creature. Andhe’s never refused. Or he wasn’t — That’s is, until he met Ciel. Becauseno matter what he does, he never gets his Master’s approval. He keeps getting rejected.But he is perfection, so why is this? 

Sometimes it looks like Ciel truly despises Sebastian.He belittles him, disrespects him and turns down any sign of affection. Onemight even think that they don’t even get along. But it’s not like it. Those around them can clearly see thatCiel trusts, needs and loves (romantically or not) Sebastian (vol 09, ch. 41)Still, the young earl is prideful and doesn’t show it. And Yana herself wrote yet anotherbeautiful post talking about this ( http://akumadeenglish.tumblr.com/post/110896308729/difference-between-alois-and-ciel-as-seen-by-yana ). It may not seem so interesting for those who don’t take theanime as canon, as it is a comparison between Ciel and Alois, but it definitelysheds some light to Sebastian and Ciel canon relationship, and it is indeed oneof Addiction vs Rejection.

“However manysweet candies ‘he’ gives me, Imust not be addicted to ‘him’.For 'he’ is not ahuman, but a beast.”

It shows Alois as the ‘weak’ part. The onewho surrenders, who falls into temptation. “Say that you love me” it’s one of hisquotes from the anime. It is very intense, in my opinion. Yet, that issomething we will never hear Ciel say to his demon, is it? That’s because Cielis portrayed as the one who doesn’t give in. He refuses temptation. He refusesSebastian. He will not let him be in control. But he does so only because hedoesn’t want thedemon to take advantage, not because he doesn’t enjoy it.

So, while I don’t believe that Ciel and Sebastian had ever had, sex, I’ll cite aquote that I like a lot, and it says “the Devil’s voice is sweet to hear”. So, those who believe that they did, are simplyassuming that Ciel gave in, that he surrendered to temptation. It is not aridiculous assumption, as such a thing is, in fact, a strong plot device ofKuroshitsuji. I can see how temptation could easily overpower fear. After all,Sebastian (or any other demon) is the incarnation of his Master’s desires. Hewould know what to say, where to touch… He would go asslowly as he needs, and whisper all the things Ciel yearns to hear. He wouldcomfort him, just like he always do when Ciel dreams about the things thathappened to him.

Somepeople believe that Sebastian and Ciel’s relationship would be one of abuse(well, what kind of relationship do you expect to have with a demon??), yetultimately it’s all to Ciel’s choice. Sebastian is just a dog on a leash.

So as to finally answer your question, I don’t believe thatCiel wants to do his butler, but rather, his butler wants to do him and it’s left to thereaders’ interpretation whether or not he will be able to do so.