#itll be fun you dont have to know GoT to understand it has nothing to do with the series plot

[rise-my-angel]

.

[readingismyhobby24]

im doing pretty good too ^_^!!!!

im SO excited to yap about rainworlds >:D i wanted the game a lot like last year and its like “oh wow i have it now lol” so ive been playing it a bunch and reading about the lore (because its super hard to tell the lore in the game)

to start off simple, you play as a slugcat (basically cat mixed with a slug) in an ecosystem with other creatures, id like to mention how i enjoy that the creatures dont just have set animations for their actions like most games, theyre placed on a rig and the ai has to go off of what to do which i find interesting! you, the slugcat arent meant to be a hero in the story, youre basically just another part in the ecosystem, youre also very low in the food chain (below you are basically just small creatures and plants, while lizards, scavengers, vultures, etc are above you.)

i also enjoy how it isnt JUST a survival game, each character has a story, such as how monk and the survivor are brothers that were seperated, how hunters cycles count down instead of up because she has a disease, etc!

oh yeah i should also probably do a gender chart so nothing gets too confusing (highlighted in yellow is canon, highlighted in purple is implied, white is just my own personal interpretation)

male- gourmand, monk, survivor

female- artificer, rivulet, hunter

neither- spearmaster, inv, saint, nightcat

oh yeah! i should probably explain the actual main thing you SHOULD be worried about!

basically, every cycle is around 13 minutes i believe (except rivulets, hers are shorter, but its back to normal when you meet five pebbles) and when the 13 minutes is up, you have to find shelter before everything rains. you have a certain amount of food pips depending on the campaign, if you have full food pips you can hibernate for the night and itll save, if you dont have enough filled it wont save and will give you one extra food pip, you can also eat extra so you have a few food pips already filled for the next cycle!

the main objective of the game is to follow the guide (iggy/overseer, i prefer to call em iggy) to Looks to the Moon and then Five Pebbles (theyre both iterators which ill explain later!!!!!) im not quite sure how the campaigns end, but ill find out trust :3

so basically, the iterators are what created the slugcats (i believe) and gave a few of them purposes, most were to send a message (like how spearmaster was made to be a messenger), also they have funky names like “Seven Red Suns” and “No Significant Harassment”

also some parts of the game are just really funny 😭 like i know its a game thats probably intended to make me mad but i cant help but laugh at the fact that spearmaster canonically got top surgery (in a way) and that theres a dating sim after you finish inv’s campaign

after each cycle you gain karma! (everytime you die you loose karma too btw) which can help you get through certain passages :)

remember how i mentioned that hunters cycles counted down instead of up? thats an important detail to her story :) because she basically has a disease, after the certain number of cycles, it starts to effect you, and death is permanent (fun fact! if you die in hunters campaign permanently you can go into gourmands and find her body (did i forget to mention that some parts of this game are actually really disturbing? i HATE the spiders.))

its such a confusing yet amazing game, its definitely worth it to get it with the DLC, the sound effects of the creatures, explosions, stabbing, literally every small detail is incredible and i LOVE the music !! oh yeah theres also an upcoming dlc with the nightcat… im very excited :3

sorry if i yapped a lil too much or jumped around too much or if this is hard to understand 😔

bonus pictures of the slugcats with the timeline :) i love them a lot

Okay! Wow!! This sounds really cool and interesting!! And also stressful because this sounds like a game I'd be horrible at 😅 (but honestly I'm bad at all games except for LoZ games, but even then I still struggle with them). Thank you so much for explaining it to me! The little slugcats are adorable by the way!!!

Also, never worry about yapping too much to me!! It literally doesn't bother me at all. I love hearing what you have to say!!! And getting long asks of people yapping actually makes me super happy ^_^

I hope you have a great day/night 🩵

[lifeoflustandwonder]

Just a vent - ignore me (or don't).

Ive got such heavy imposter syndrome right now.

I am so very in love with my boyfriend, I love him so much it actually hurts my soul. He knows this, I know this. I know this to the depths of my being that nothing has ever felt so right so fast and I just cant believe it.

But i've been alone for the last year and a half, I am so very sure of myself when im alone its ridiculous. I have anxiety, but when im alone or not in a relationship I still have the anxiety, but it isnt there as heavily as there isnt any pressure.

Right now? I feel rife with it. Not because there is a problem, but my god the pressure of being with someone again is unmatched.

There is nothing this man does wrong, he dotes on me, he cares for me, he thinks of me in everything he does and vice versa, and I him. Ive been in two long term relationships. The first was 4 years, I left that relationship to be with my ex of 6.5 years.

The last year and a half is the first time ive been truly single and I have THRIVED. And its wild because I was ready to pack it in with dating until I met this man. Like id been fucking around and having a lot of fun, but id always been searching for a spark. Like I know I am happy on my own, so finding someone wasnt the end goal. Sure its nice to be with someone, I am a lover relationship girlie after all. However I enjoy dating and chatting and meeting people, Im also a huge nympho. So the random sex was always fun too. But I guess in my head I was like yeah i'll click with someone, itll happen. It got to the point where the meaningless sex was actually getting kind of boring. I was sick of explaining to people where Im from 1-3 times a week (Im currently living across the continent from home). I understand it comes with the territory of dating, but I was getting bored regardless because no one ever stuck.

But This man was actually my last stab at it, my thought process was 'go on this date, if it doesnt work out you can just continue to be on your own and itll all work itself out, its no stress, you're 27'. Naturally and weirdly it worked itself out with him being what feels like the literal love of my life.

I was going to delete all the apps and call off anything else I had going on after this date if it absolutely bombed or just wasnt anything special. It was the opposite, it was the best date Ive ever been on.

I've never been happier. But what I've discovered comes with this after being on my own and really thriving in being alone is that I just dont feel like I deserve him. I dont understand how someone like me, managed to get someone like him.

I am very sure of myself, I have so much love for myself and I know my worth. But its almost overwhemling how well he treats me, and maybe its because I dont feel like i've been in a healthy relationship until now. My last relstionship was pretty toxic by the end. So having him treat me this way I feel like I dont do enough for him.

Its actually fucking wild because I really pride myself on being a 'strong independant woman' as it was. One of the first times we met was because he didnt want me to walk home from work at 11pm in the rain for 40 minutes. He told me to stop being a 'strong independant woman for 10 minutes and let me come and pick you up and drop you home'. So I did, I let my guard down, and im really glad I did.

It just means Im in this really fucking weird headspace of whether or not I actully deserve this man. Like I KNOW I do, I deserve this kind of treatment so much. Much I just worry I'm not good enough for him because he's that good.

How backwards is that? Imagine not feeling good enough for your man because he treats you so well that you know you deserve the treatment but also he's so fucking great you don't think you deserves someone like him? like wtf is that? The heaviest conflict in my brain ever.

I would give him the entire world on a platter if I could. He gets princess treatment too. And rightly so, he deserves nothing less.

But that still doesnt stop my brain from telling me I dont deserve someone like him, even when I know I do.

I just hope I can gain the confidence in this to recognise that I do deserve this.

This is just my anxiety making me doubt if im treating him well enough, if he feels loved enough. Im going to ask him later for sure because I need to hear it from his mouth myself.

Honestly I dont have any doubt in the relationship, like I know he wants to be with me and I him. But I just want to know Im doing enough for him.

Im afraid of him leaving me, maybe thats what it is.

Every other man in my life has left me, why not another you know?

[suethesocks]

Do ya watched the new Spider-man across the spider-verse's cartoon?

Hello person who asked me a question all the way back in november of last year, im so sorry for making you wait so long for such a basic answer 😭😭

hopefully to make up for this, if i yap enough itll be like a years worth of answer, so strap in

To answer the question though yup!! I watched ATSV around a month after it came out. At first i wanted to watch it asap in cinemas but unfortunately it was banned here in egypt because of the fricking. Trans pride flag that appears for 2 seconds in gwens room in the blurry obscured background so that sucked

After waiting a long time for it to have a digital release eventually i gave in because the spoilers were getting too unavoidable and just watched a camrip with my friends in their house. Which was very unfortunate but i still enjoyed it. And i definitely enjoyed rewatching it like 5 times since then when the digital release was out

I think the movie visually innovates even more than the first one did. Theres nothing i feel was lacking they really did build up on everything from ITSV and then some. Everything was so beautiful and full of life and all the designs be it new characters or old are just so good and the animation and aesthetics are top notch. Its the kind of movie you watch frame by frame on purpose

I do think the movie was hurt by being a half movie though, as it does very much feel like half a story. I do like that gwen goes through something of an arc in this movie so at least *something* gets concluded. And its nice to have an implied transfem character take center stage!

I enjoyed a lot how grown up miles feels in this movie, especially when you contrast it with some early production deleted scenes and the teaser clip they released a long while ago. There he felt like he was still his ITSV self still sort of needing to prove himself, but in this movie he really does feel like he has grown. And for that im thankful i wouldnt want the movie to basically just repeat his arc twice

I mean it kind of is the same arc but its from different perspectives (which i dont think is ideal tbh and i wouldve appreciated a third direction but oh well) in the first movie he felt the need to prove himself and that theres a chance he could be Spider-Man. He wanted the other spiders' approval and to get to be just like them. But in this movie hes more confident and knows his place, this is a kid that knows he's Spider-Man, and he dont give a fuck what you say. Hes got the whole world telling him he doesnt have it figured out and maybe even his brain is saying that to him too but hes still gonna be like "no, im right youre wrong. debate over"

And at the same time it doesnt feel like stubbornness. He takes the time to understand the situation, assessed it smartly, comes up with his own conclusions, and acts accordingly. This miles is definitely not just a kid anymore (so much so that to this day im actually still suspicious that miles was meant to be 17 or 18 but they decided last minute they didnt wanna have that big of a timeskip)

Spot was pretty great in this movie too. I knew from the start that despite being sort of a nothing-villain in the comics spiderverse was gonna have a looot of fun with him, especially ever since i saw that one piece of art they released way back before even the teaser i believe, which had spot with sketch lines above him like the shapes guidelines you draw when doing a rough sketch. And they certainly did not disappoint there hes definitely reality warping with a capital R W. Really i got no complaints about spot i think hes a fantastic villain, though i wish the movie took him a little more seriously. Just removing that "i think he kicked his own butt haha!!!!" scene wouldve made all the difference in the world imo

miss cheng cameo goes hard

Miguel is probably the most conflicting thing for me in this movie, i cannot decide if i like this adaptation of him or not, though im leaning towards not i think. I will say im glad to finally have a piece of media where Spider-Man 2099 is like the main focus finally, hes the main character next to miles and gwen. Ive been a fan of his 90s comics for as long as ive been a fan of comics, and other than SM Edge of Time he never got his moment to shine really. Now this absolute unit of a man is coming in and absolutely stealing the show whenever hes onscreen. It was nice, as a longtime SM2099 fan to see now in 2023 just miguel fanart and miguels ass n titties everywhere on my timeline

They do get a lot of stuff right with this adaptation, even small stuff i wouldnt expect just anyone to get. Like his talons!! Most people draw them like long nails like typical claws but they actually extend from under his finger like a hook, and i was so glad to see the movie get that right haha. He also has.... a cape. He doesnt really use it which like i hate but maybe capes are too much trouble to animate idfk. He has his fangs and was gonna use them on vulture (loved vultures design so fucking much btw) so clearly they remembered he can inject paralyzing venom so that gets huge thumbsup from me even if he doesnt get to actually use it

This movie also gets miguel so right in terms of characterization. Nothing will ever beat Chris Daniel Barnes' take on miggy but Oscar Isaac does a great job in his own right as well and is definitely a take i can accept, im just probably too used to hearing chris barnes' voice playing EoT so many times over the years. And its great to have a hispanic actor doing the voice this time!! In general i love the fact that he has darker skin and speaks a bit of spanish in this movie, atsv rememberes miguel is half hispanic more than the comics themselves seem to sometimes haha

This miguel talks like how comic miguel talks he quips how he quips he has the same sarcastic deadpan humor hes funny and snarky and talks like hes smarter but not in an arrogant way because he can kind of back it up. He also fights how i imagine miguel would fight he uses his claws he gets brutal, shits AWESOME. When it comes to dialogue and interactions, this miguel definitely lives up to how i imagine Peter David wouldve written him

Whats really bothering me about miguel is how, despite them nailing the characters personality so so well, the movie also seems not that interested in him and his lore and world at all. He just doesnt have the love and care and history that Peter B Parker seemed to have

I mean, if its still in the year 2099 then wheres Alchemax? The whole point of SM 2099's comics is that Alchemax is a megacorporation thats infected most corners of life. It should have a looming presence EVERYWHERE, but its not even here as an easter egg. Which i have to say is quite bizarre considering Alchemax ALREADY exists in this universe front and center so why not even a reference. I think this is such a crucial part of SM2099's mythos that removing it is genuinely a problem for adapting Nueva York. Not to mention the complete lack of any sort of cops or security at all, again a looming presence that should definitely exist in 2099. Without those aspects Uptown becomes just like any generic futuristic city (when it should, at least, be a generic DYSTOPIAN futuristic city, lmao)

Also the movie's lack of interest in having any references to Gabriel or Conchata or Dana what so ever. I get that this is bordering on fan service but idk, at the very least Dana right??? I mean she dies in the comics, surely part of what miguel longed for in that alternate universe he went to was that Dana still lived there so why not nudge to the fans a little. At least through the form of having miguel comic scenes show in the slideshow thing he made for miles (though i get not having any miguel scenes there, since miguel probably wouldnt intentionally reveal his past to someone just like that)

I mean come on this movies so uninterested in any fan service in general when it comes to miggy. No references to comic covers or something no calling miguel S-Man he says shock ONCE, i feel like its the little bits of fanservice like that that dont like overbear on the story but really add a lot by nodding to the fans and showing that you did a lot of homework

Theres also the weird way they revise his powers here, seemingly working in the form of regular doses he takes to give himself powers rather than be powers he has like the comics, and the lack of organic webbing. Theres also no reference to his enhanced vision as far as i remember. And i have NEVER been a fan of miguels suit having advanced tech built into it. The watch is one thing, the holographic cape and nanomachine esque suit which uses energy and the laser webs and energy spikes he uses to latch onto stuff its all just ehhhh i never vibed with that in the comics and i definitely dont like it here (save that shit for the white suit at least if youre gonna go that route)

This lack of interest in his powers also means, if theres no alchemax looming existence in the world, and the movie intentionally REFUSES to give us a "my name is miguel o'hara" moment to go over his origin, then we are left with actually nothing to imply alchemax even exists in this world

Just no real interest in what made Spider-Man 2099 work so well in his world, as a privileged man who went down and saw the real world and realized how wrong he was about just everything and that he must rebel against those privileged like him and more. Who works with a suit made of fabric just like any ol human against super cops armed with armor and guns

Instead he runs a whole society himself (ironically, the only thing to imply alchemax's existence now. maybe this movie is a miguel from after the point in the comics where he takes over alchemax, which would mean alchemax's only implication in this world is that miguel runs a multibillion dollar corporation and uses its resources how he wants. not good...), hes not aggressively anti corpo anymore, he has a teched up suit, and he just ACTS like a ceo. This guy is basically spider-punk before spider-punk was a thing, and yet here he is being in the exact opposite side to hobie!

Honestly if it werent for a few factors like the powers thing id have actually said "wait let them cook" because i wouldve then thought that miguel being so wrong is the POINT of this whole thing like miguel is a sellout and theyre gonna call him out and reference how he USED to be in flashbacks, but i honestly do not believe that was actually their intention despite it actually fitting so well in an almost genius way if it WAS on purpose

It comes off a bit MCU-ish how they almost dont have faith in how cool 2099 is and think the only thing worth "salvageing" is miguel and his attitude, when the world is pretty rich with things fans like me wouldve loved to see either recreated in the spiderverse style or innovated on and made into something completely new and interesting; and also non-fans wouldve loved to see to learn more about SM2099 and his world. I mean half the fandom thought Miguel is a vampire because he has fangs, thats how much this movie doesnt do anything for the world of 2099

Wew that was a doozy, sorry for rambling so much about miguel when talking about movie-not-about-miguel, its just between Miles Gwen and Miguel he was the one i was most starved for content for and he was the one im most educated on and on what i would want to see when i see him onscreen haha

hope this longass post full of insane ramblings of a mad woman was worth the yearlong wait in my tumblr asks shdsjhdsdhs again sorry it took me so long to look at my asks

[bananasmores]

Talking about what I’ve learned recently about art block/motivation in a way that I hope is helpful 

I have art block more often than I don’t have it, I think I just always have it and sometimes I can push art through the cracks of it very rarely, but it doesn’t seem to go away at all; making art has always been uncomfortable for me (personally) I’ve always been really frustrated because the only thing I’ve been passionate about is art, but if you don’t have any strong interests besides art and a vague idea of ‘getting good enough’ then you dont have things to draw and things come out stale and lifeless. honestly the best art advice that i didnt understand well enough when i heard it the first time, and only really GOT when i fell ass-backwards into figuring it out, was “find interests/hobbies that arent related to art”. 

if you let obsession with improvement and nothing else get ahold of you, it’s going to get out of control fast. ‘why am i not better yet when all i do is think about this and try to paint ladders on the wall to get out of this hole’. it gets really embarrassing to yourself.  It’s really really hard if you have this mentality but you have to draw for yourself, learn to be self indulgent. I’ve read literally those words a hundred times and didnt fully absorb them in a way i could act on, so i dont know that typing them here for other people having the same problem is helpful.  actual actionable advice that has helped me with this specific problem: -chase passing interests in anything, just enjoy things. put the idea of art out of your brain, itll come back. (personally the way that worked for me is “im very passionate about this subject and i want to tell people about it AND communicate how it makes me feel”)

-have secret hobbies to let yourself be bad at. pick up a new creative thing and make stuff that way without focusing on improvement, just enjoy whatever comes out of playing around. make some kind of pseudonym/secret blog/whatever so you can collect what you make. even if youre not trying to improve, its going to happen and being so new to something that youre constantly improving a ton is exciting and this will help you feel something about creating things without expectations. its especially fun if the specific avenue you go with has a reputation for being “cringe” or “childish”. have fun, cringe is fun.

  -if you post art and then keep checking back to see if people like it: holy shit do not post something when you’ve just finished it and you’re proud of it; make the art and then drop it in the queue for a few days away, make the time longer if youre antsy about it. try really hard to not tie your feelings to other peoples reactions to your art.

-i dont know how universal this is, maybe it’s just me being avoidant, but i make art and personal accounts separate, and turn off notifications for art accounts. if its important and for professional stuff, have a contact page. if its a tumblr sideblog where i doodle horses, i turn the askbox off. i don’t remember who said it but “i drew this for myself but you can look at it too if you want” has stuck with me and has been one of the most helpful things about art ive heard.

i think because of the entire Capitalism Thing, if you do art for a job, there’s a feeling that if it’s real work it needs to be miserable and hard or else you’re goofing off. but if you burn yourself out for years because you think art as a job needs to be torturous or it’s rude to people working other jobs then.obviously thats not sustainable. take care of yourself and your mental health. ive worked a lot of (non art, physical industrial) jobs and while i’m glad to do art now, please remember you’re a person before you’re your job title. (especially right now)  i hope this is understandable, ive been dealing with this issue (+avpd) for years and am finally starting to get ahold of it and i want to shorten this struggle for anyone else that has it if at all possible.

[happys-crazy-queen22]

Not Our Little Secret Anymore

Gif credits @jesseswartzwelder. @samantha-chicago

Requested on here and wattpad

Hope you all enjoy it.

Part 2 too Our Little Secret

Taglist @nocturnalherb16. @jesseswartzwelder

"Gabby's going to tell everyone, you know she cant keep a secret to save her life". You chewed on your nails, still looking at the wedding pictures.

"What do you think we should do"? Jay asked coming to sit beside you on the couch. He knew you were nervous.

"I say, we just tell everyone before she does. Dont let her make a big deal out of it. Because it's not. We should be able to be together without having someone hate on our relationship".

"I agree. I'm tired of hiding who I love". Jay took your hand in his and gave it a squeeze.

Jay and you stared at Kelly who was in the kitchen munching on a carrot like a little rabbit.

"Are you okay with this"? Jay asked with a laugh.

"I'm with you guys. We should tell everyone. Antonio is first cause since he is your brother and Gabby will get to him first. If she hasn't already". Kelly replied.

"I'll give him a call and see if he can come over tonight".

"We should tell Voight as well, just so it wont cause a scene". Jay added.

"See if he can come too. We'll just make a big announcement and tell them. God, I'm nervous". You bit your lip as Jay and you got out your cellphones.

"I'll just finish dinner. Everyone will be cool with us at the station". Kelly went back to cooking, like nothing serious is going on. Your lives are all about to be out in the open and it kinda scared you a bit.

"You're fucking kidding me right now? You, Jay and Kelly are married to each other"? Antonio paced the room. You had just told him and his shit has it the fan.

"Jay and Kelly are married to me. Not to each other. They just live together". You tried to explain.

"But you all are still fucking each other"?

"Wow, why is my brother so stupid"? You rolled your eyes with a annoying huff.

"No. Kelly and Jay are straight they dont have a relationship. I'm the only one that has sex with them.  One at a time. No threesomes. So get that and the image of Jay and Kelly having sex out of your perverted little mind". You exclaimed.

"Oh alright. So no big deal. My sisters just married to two guys. That's normal". Antonio sarcastically chuckled.

"Its normal for us. If you dont like it then leave. I already told Gabby that if she cant except it and stay out of our relationship then she isn't welcomed here anymore. Do you want that to happen to you as well"?

"No. I'm still processing it, okay"? Antonio rubbed his head.

"I know. It's a lot to process at once. Let's go see if Jay and Voight are having better luck than us". You wrapped your arm around Antonio's shoulder, leading him back into the leaving room where Jay and Voight was talking.

"I dont care what you three have going on just as long as it doesnt interfere with your job and my unit. Then we have no problem. But if I see anything that will cause a problem then we'll be having a talk about reassigning you some where else. Either one of you". Voight glared at Jay, Antonio and you.

"Yes, sir". Jay said.

"Fine, I'm going home. See you three at work tomorrow". Voight grumbled as he went past you and opened the door. Slamming it   

"That went better than expected". Jay chuckled.

"Yeah. Antonio here cant seem to wrap his brain around the idea that you and Kelly have no intimate relationship".

"In most threesomes, they all have sex together. Even the guys". Antonio told you and Jay. You giggled.

"You sure know alot about threesomes, Antonio. Are you hinting at something"? You smirked. Jay snickered beside you.

"No. I'm just saying". Antonio tried to play it off as nothing.

"If you say so. But all the joking aside, you alright with this"?

"I'm cool. Itll take some time to getting use to the idea of the three of you together but I have no problem with it". You sigh a sigh of relief and hugged Antonio.

"Thanks. You dont know what this means to me. I just wish Gabby was just as understanding as you".

"She'll come around. Just give her time. Listen I gotta go, kids are coming over".

"Okay. Give them love from us".

"Now that's going to be a therapy session. My aunt has two husbands. Good grief". Antonio laughed as he grabbed his jacket. You tried not to giggle as you shook your head.

"Bye now".

You plumped on the couch with a huff beside Jay. "Hope the others are like this". You tell Jay.

"They probably will be".

"Where's Kelly"? You both looked for him. Totally forgot about him in your relationship explaining.

"I'm here. Just got off the phone with Casey and the others. My friends are cool with us and they want to know when they can come over and have a party. Get together type thing, I guess to see us in our natural habitat". Kelly laughed as he came in and sat beside you.

"Lucky you. Antonio was just weird but at least he didnt judge us". You say leaning your head on Kelly's shoulder.

"Adam is definitely going to make jokes about this. I can hear him now. He wont shut up, even in my brain he wont". Jay groaned laying his head on your shoulder. Kelly and you giggled.

"I say we go to bed and forget this happened then tomorrow we just run away and join the circus"? Jay suggested.

"How about no. We should go to bed and have one of those threesomes, Antonio was nagging on about"? You waited for their response.

"How do you do it"? Jay wondered.

"You've never had a threesome"? Kelly questioned.

"No. Have you"? You backed off Kelly's shoulder surprised.

"Well, not with another guy. But with two girls". He blushed as you tilted your head. 

"When was this"?

"Way before you and I got together. Dont worry". Kelly reassured you.

"Well then. We should do it and see what all the hoopla is about". You smacked their knees and pushed yourself up.

"You guys coming"? You held out your hands for them.

The reached and grabbed your hands bringing them up to you. Jay lead you three into the bedroom. This shall be a fun experience, you thought.

Kelly slammed the door with his foot. Jay pulled you in front of the bed so he and Kelly could get a better view of you.

Jay on one side and Kelly on the other. They began kissing your neck. Moving your hair for a better angle. You licked your lips. This was getting you so excited. Your hand went to their face cupping their cheeks. Then slid down their torsos and gradually slipped down their pants. Pawing at their cocks. Kelly nipped at your ear. Jay snaked his hand under your shirt to play with one of your hard nipples. Pinching it between his fingers, making you squirm.

They stood in front of you, and smirked at each other before pushing you back onto the bed. You knew it was going to be one hell of a ride but that's what excited you the most. Doing it with two men that you loved dearly and trusted the most.

[blxetsi]

modern hange zoe dating headcanons

lowercase intended !

hange zoe x gn!reader

- first, their love language is definitely a mix of physical touch and verbal affirmations

- idc idc theyre the best of both worlds 🤩

- you prefer verbal affirmations over physical touch (or vice versa) ? their immediately making a mental note and showing u love with whichever one u like more

- i think they'd be a scientist or researcher ?? maybe they'd study the human body or like global warming ?? idfk but would definitely go into the science field

- also i personally love the idea of moblit and them being together 😳🤚 idk i love the idea

- but since YOU are with miss hange id like to think they stayed friends after the breakup 😌✨ theyre both mature ppl (and hot)

- moblit is always third wheeling w you guys. you and hange could be making out and he'd sit there with his iced coffee like 😐

- hange i feel is a very forgetful person, so like, dates and stuff (things made on a sort of short notice) they tend to forget about, but things like birthdays and anniversaries are NEVER forgotten

- ofc they'll make it up to you after you call them from the restaurant youve been waiting in for over an hour

- but sometimes it does hurt that they value their work so much, you love that they find joy in what they do and are dedicated, but it just feels like they prioritize work over you

- and hange understands ! and they start trying to be on time for things like that. is also constantly reassuring you at random times that they love and care about you

- also loves to spoon you. will literally wrap around you like a koala in bed. doesnt matter if its too hot and youre both immediately sweating, will trap you with their insane amount of strength and never let you go until either they wake up or you wake up begging to use the restroom

- i feel like when theyre working from home (which is everyday in a pandemic 🙄 even tho these headcanons arent really structured around pandemic modern times) they forget to eat/drink when they get reeeaaaallllyyyy into what theyre researching

- could be on the verge of discovering a new genetic mutation (idk) while also being on the verge of passing out due to dehydration

- theyll come out for dinner and be like "yknow ive been having this weird headache all day"

- "probably because you havent drank any water today"

- will stare at you like "🤨" before replying "nah i dont think so 😹"

- you have to threaten letting them starve to get them to drink some water. and as soon as they do theyre chugging three cups

- five minutes later theyre like "babe ! it worked ! youre awesome"

- lots of pet names like babe/baby, my love, my darling (in a dramatic english accent), honey, and any others that youd prefer

- has a weird love for the cartoon archer (yknow that adult show with like 10 seaons ??)

- will literally no nothing about the plot or characters, and will only put the show on for background noise while theyre doing something, but will ALWAYS recommend archer to others and say its their favourite cartoon if asked

- also loves the amazing world of gumball (you got them into it) actually watches the show and loves it, yet never thinks of it when asked "what shows should i watch ?" or "what are some shows you like ?"

- if youre like, an artist or something like that, they genuinely LOVE anything you make

- you made them a little painting ? theyre hanging it up in their apartment. you created a clay vase or something ? buying flowers to put in it rn (doesnt even take care of the flowers but yk)

- if youre having a bad day theyre dropping everything for you (unless its super important then theyre saying "how about i move my work to the bed and we can cuddle ?")

- if you need to rant theyre actively listening while trying to work. will accidentally start typing what youre saying onto their word document. ends up having to delete three whole paragraphs about that bitch at work smh 🙄🤚

- loves taking showers/ baths w you (NEVER in a sexual way though) they genuinely find it fun to wash each other's hair and stuff. if you ask them to wash your back theyre shoving their hands in your armpits and tickling you like,, mf ill fall and take us both down 😐

- definitely an ass/thighs person. doesnt matter how big or small, loves it.

- also a dish collector in their room. their room and office are in the same space, so youll find them with cups and plates on their desk where their research is supposed to be like bae,,, i think youre growing a new kind of mold 😍🦠💥

- talks so passionately abt their work and coworkers to you. theres this new intern at their job and hes the sweetest and brightest kid they know. his names armin and they speak about him SO highly

- also has a really cold nose ?? u love to kiss it bc it makes them shiver bc of the temperature difference

- has weirdly soft hands. youd think theyd be kinda rough bc of all the weird shit they touch for "science" but no. the hands are perfect

- doesnt know how to take care of things around the house (like handy stuff) so they beg levi to come over.

- he reluctantly does bc hes their friend but will nod at you as soon as he walks in and says "i hope hange isnt being too annoying today"

- immediately youll defend them and say zoe hange could never annoy you bc hange is the love of ur life and all he'll do is say "youre lucky then. i envy you."

- you and hange both know hes using his dry humour, but as punishment hange follows him around the place and annoys him even further

- also tries to convince you to get a dog at the weirdest of times ???

- itll be three in the morning and theyll just whisper in your ear "we should get a dog"

- theyre allergic to cats so if you suggest that they say "no ill die if i go near one"

- if youre allergic to dogs theyll say "okay fine a baby then"

- "how will we get one ?"

- "we'll steal it. or go looking through a dumpster"

- what did they say 😳😳⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️

- you shut down any ideas of a dog or baby for a long while after that

- loves squeezing your cheeks, and would love if you did it to them too

- will literally just sit in bed squishing them and request you do the same. so you both just sit facing each other criss crossed, squishing each others faces while giggling

- ive made this pretty long already so this is it ! but yes, they love u through and through

a/n

second headcanon babyyy !!! hope u all enjoyed !! my asks r open if u wanna request something !! (also please request something 😭😭😭 )

[donnies--jacket]

infodumping about my rottmnt self insert

hello,,,, i wanted to talk about my s/i,,,,,,,,, now im making you listen to me about it. enjoy my self insert nonsense, i love you mwah mwah

also it took way longer than it should have to write all this oh god

with my self inserts, they tend to fall into two categories. either "very complex and has a well thought out story and character arc" or "wdym i was just there"

my rottmnt insert is a bit of a mix of the two. which means i've thought about the personality and backstory and character dynamics a lot, but i dont know what the actual shit i'm doing during the events of the story GHSDGHGF-

but anyways

my insert is just. a bimbo. like i'm very, very sweet and surprisingly strong, but am also just fucking dumb. i'm like if a dog were a person, like, theres absolutely nothing going on up in that head of mine but by god am i full of love. i also may or may not have fleas, who knows.

i'm really chaotic too, usually by complete accident. i crave anarchy, but i hardly ever mean to actually cause it. most often times it's just me being my stupid bitchass adhd kid self and accidentally wreaking havoc.

when i ever actually try to be a menace, it doesnt really work out as well as i want it to. itll just come off as more cute than anything, like a little kid trying to be one of the adults.

speaking of cute, im actively the cutest person in the room. both in real life and in self inserts. you dont need any more elaboration than that, you know i'm right.

but yeah im just a feral, very cute bimbo and that's valid.

moving onto backstory, i've got a very big, but unfortunately not all too close family. and none of them really ever seem to acknowledge my existence, or any one else's for that matter. legit, my parents couldn't tell you how many kids they had (its 12) or what their names or ages are, and honestly none of us could do it either. we're all so disconnected from one another, and its unlikely that we will ever be close in the future.

(fun fact: i actually wrote it like this to directly contrast my tmnt 2012 s/i, who has a small but very tight-knit family. might talk about my 2012 insert sometime, who knows 👀.)

this is where april comes in. we met when we were little, and her family took me in and showed me what it meant to be a family. i mean, they didn't adopt me or anything like that, but honestly they may as well have. i practically live with them at this point, and actively call april my sister and her moms my parents.

this only gets more prominent when we meet the guys, and especially so with splinter, who takes on the role of a father figure to me.

imagine going all your life without a real family, and then finding two of them, both of which are three times the family you originally had.

can you tell found family is my favorite trope

ANYWAYS

character dynamic time

starting with april, i've already said that she's honestly just my feral older sister, which means that we're very, very close and love each other dearly, but also would gladly take the opportunity to hit the other with a bus. like, we'd give the other our kidney without a second thought, but would never let each other borrow our phone chargers.

but DEADASS, we're best friends. like we probably bought those cheesy matching bff necklaces when we were little and still have then now.

lowkey april and i can ninja mind meld, but its more like we intensely stare at each other from across the room and make over the top gestures until our brain waves finally link and we get what the other is trying to say.

leo and i are bimbo/himbo solidarity.

one of us is supposed to be the anchor for the other's chaos, but neither of us knows who it is. it changes pretty much every day.

tbh, leo and i are like. the type of friends who stay up until 4am playing sonic and the black knight while having in depth conversations about life. which i feel like paints a pretty clear picture of what our friendship is like; we love and understand each other very deeply, but are also just the dumbest bitches on earth.

(this is the part that took me like two days to bring myself to write haha oopsies)

mikey and i are like. bootleg april and donnie.

FHGDFHGDHFGD I KNOW THAT DOESNT MAKE MUCH SENSE BUT ITS THE BEST WAY I CAN EXPLAIN IT-

Like, we're immensely supportive of one another and are arguably bffs. We honestly are really just vibing a lot of the time. There's basically never any conflict between us, because we're both very understanding of one another and pretty down to earth.

basically we're april and donnie if you took out all the conflict.

raph and i are borderline also bimbo/himbo solidarity, but what sets us apart from leo and i is that he actually knows when to put a stop to our nonsense, similar to how he is with his brothers.

raph tends to parent me around a lot and can sometimes be very protective, but honestly i probably need it, i'm very dumb and very soft.

he is very slightly sick of my bullshit, but he also often joins in on my dumbassery so hdfhdfhfhfh.

no but really, he's vv sweet and caring with me and actually has taught me a lot of coping mechanisms for my anxiety. we help each other out with a lot of stuff, actually-- although him a bit more so than me, since he has a lot of difficulty letting others take care if him. we're working on it though, dont worry.

okay. time for the big one.

if you know my blog, you probably know that i'm the local donnieromantic. i cant go a day without talking about him i stg.

but yes we are,,, in love 🥺. to point where it's almost comical. i've compared us to gomez and morticia addams several times in the past, because yeah, we are honestly just them. maybe toned down, but only a little. if they're a 10 on the "overly in love" scale, we're an 8.

we're highly affectionate with each other, with is surprising, considering how adverse donnie typically is to that sort of thing. i was actually large part of the reason he got to be so comfortable about it, helping him come out of his metaphoric, emotional shell. and now we're pretty much always doing something affectionate-- whether it be cuddling and smooching on the couch, or something smaller like holding hands or saying cute things to each other.

we're extremely understanding of one another, and have honestly grown so much because of it. both in our relationship and as people. we've had so many moments where we've really had to approach situations from a different angle or try to understand each other's problems and insecurities. it wasnt always easy, but it made as stronger as a relationship and as individuals.

if we're talking about, like, basic, non-romantic interactions, then we have a similar dynamic to him and mikey-- in that we're very much opposites but get along very, very well despite having little to nothing in common.

he's honestly quite patient and gentle with me, especially when compared to how he is with his brothers. he hasnt much tolerance for their nonsense and stupidity, but with me-- the dumbest in all the land-- he's all "take your time" and "don't worry, you'll get it :))."

he's pretty much never upset with me, nor am i with him. there's been a handful of disagreements and fights in the past, but nothing we werent able to work out.

genuinely, we're just very good friends and extremely close, so transitioning into a romantic relationship, although a bit confusing for us at first, wasnt actually all too difficult.

i could keep going but i literally feel like ive gone on too long already. but if you wanna hear more about any of my self insert stupidity, then you can just slide into my inbox and send in an ask. i also have a donnie gush tag, which is fun.

okay bye im love you lots mwah!!!! 💖💞💝💕💖💞💝💕💓💕💖💝

[mattygraygubler]

our campus: chapter 4 (tom holland fanfic)

summary: frat!tom and reader go to the same college and y/n is tasked with being his tutor, they don’t really get along at first (because i love reader and tom hating each other trope)

warnings: none ?????

word count: 2.1k

a/n: so many texts and so much dialogue fuckin kill me also texts are bold

for a list of characters click here

to be added to the tag list send me an ask !

masterlist

✰✰✰✰✰

“I don’t know what you did to get her to give you a second chance, but I need to warn you.” Ally said. Tom turned to look at her, they had only ever spoken when necessary for theater stuff. 

“Warn me?” He asked. 

“Y/N can make your life either very, very good or very, very bad. She has most of the professors in this school wrapped around her pinky. And she doesn’t make it obvious, but she’s the smartest person I’ve ever met. She can really help you if you let her.”

“Well, thanks.” He said awkwardly and turned back to his stuff. 

“One more thing.” Ally said. Tom turned again and raised his eyebrows. “Don’t you dare catch feelings.” “Seriously? No need to worry about that.” Ally scoffed. 

“I’m serious, Tom. Don’t. She doesn’t need that right now.” 

“Yeah, fine, I get it.” He said. 

“Alright guys let’s get started.” Gigi said, signaling rehearsal was about to start. 

* * * 

It was finally Friday, and your phone was blowing up as you walked to the library. Class had gotten out late, so you were walking as fast as possible so you wouldn’t be late to your meeting with Tom. 

Al

if Y/N is ok with it its fine with me

Iz

i still dont know how i feel about this

Em 

pretty pretty please guys i really like this guy and he really wants me to go

You

what are we talking about i was in class

Al

harrison invited em and all of us to the delt party tonight

Iz

and i said we shouldnt go bc of what happened

plus isnt tom a delt? wouldnt that be a bit awk?

You

honestly i couldnt care less. after the week ive had im gonna too blacked to even realize where we are

Em

lets take it to a vote

aye

Al

aye 

Iz

nay

You

im abstaining

Em

the ayes have it! delt BABEEEYYYY

ill have harrison put us all on the list

You 

glad we got that sorted ill see u guys at mine at 8

You walked into the library, checking your watch and seeing it was 4:02. You bit your lip. Hopefully he didn’t give you any crap for being late. 

You walked quickly into hlab, and you knew you looked like a crazy person. Your bag was falling off your shoulder, you had a coffee in your hand and your water bottle tucked under your arm, and your phone in your other hand. 

You scanned the room and saw Tom sitting across from Max, both of them had books out. 

“Hi,” you said breathlessly. Max slid over a seat so you could sit across from Tom. “So sorry I’m late, crazy day.” 

“No worries dar-” You heard him start to say darling, but stopped himself. “No worries. It’s only 2 minutes after.” 

“How long have you been waiting?” You asked.

“Max and I have been hanging out for a while, not a big deal.” 

“Speaking of, I’m on alc duty for tonight so I better go.” Max said, did his stupid handshake with Tom, and walked out. 

Hlab was almost empty except for some freshman. Most people don’t like studying on a Friday, who could blame them?

“So I got a copy of your lectures from this week. What do you want to start with?”

“I don’t care.” 

“Ok, what is currently confusing you the most?” He thought for a second before saying “Astronomy.” You nodded. 

“Great, grab your notes and your textbook.” He pulled out a notebook and his laptop, opening the online textbook. You pulled out your laptop and a pen and highlighter. 

“May I?” You asked and pulled his notebook to your side. You went through his notes, circling certain things with the pen and highlighting others. 

“These are really good, Tom. I like how you put question marks next to things that confused you.” He laughed. 

“Do I get a gold star?” He joked. You rolled your eyes. 

“So phases of the moon.” You started. 

“Wait a second,” he said after you had been talking for a while. “You’re telling me that the moon doesn’t actually, like, change?” 

“It’s all shadows.” You replied. He nodded and seemed to finally be getting it. 

“The phases will most definitely be on your next lab, which isn’t open note, so make sure you memorize them.” You said. “Let’s move onto stats.” He groaned. “What?” You asked. 

“Statistics is so stupid. Letters and numbers shouldn’t go together.” You rolled your eyes. 

“Stats is easy, I promise you. This is the first unit, all we’re doing is descriptive statistics and graphing. Let’s start with some vocab.” You said, highlighting certain words in his notes. 

Once you could see his brain was about to explode, you moved onto writing. 

“There’s not much to talk about, just email me your most recent paper so I can go through it and look for themes we need to discuss.” 

‘“Themes?” He asked. 

“You know, on going issues that need to be addressed.” He nodded and emailed you his paper, which you would read tomorrow. You heard your phone buzz and took a quick glance. 

Em

al dont be upset

Al

then dont give me a reason to get upset

what is it

Em

……….. It’s themed

Al

are you kidding? were not freshmen, i dont wanna go to a stupid themed frat party

Em

its blackout !!!! itll be fun i promise

You turned your phone back down and didn’t realize you had an upset look on your face. 

“Everything ok?” He asked. 

“Just arguing in the group chat.” 

“Do you need to go?” He asked. 

“No, no, just arguing about tonight.” 

“What’s tonight?” 

“Tonight is not related to political conflict, which is what we should be talking about.” He laughed. 

“Do you ever have fun?” 

“Excuse me?” 

“I’m serious, do you ever have fun, or do you just go to sleep surrounded by planners and textbooks.” 

“That’s not funny. There’s a lot more about me that you don’t know.” 

“Clearly.” 

“So we’re starting off with socioeconomic issues over time and the class strugle. Did you read the Marx chapters?” 

“Yup. Didn’t understand a word of it.” 

“Ok, let’s get into it.” You said and began rambling about the bourgeoisie and the communist manifesto. Politics was your favorite subject, you could talk about it for hours. 

You were having a really good discussion with Tom. It was global political conflict, and he was able to connect the themes to both America and England, which made you really pleased. 

You were pulled out of your discussion when your phone vibrated. 

Iz

pickin up panera anyone want anything 

“Jeez it’s already past 6:30, I gotta go.” You said. 

“Oh, I’m sorry.” He said. 

“No it’s not your fault, I get so into politics I lose track of time.” “I can tell.” He said as you both packed up your stuff. 

“Wanna grab some food?” He asked. 

“Sorry, can’t,” you said. 

“Why, got a hot date?” He joked. 

“Maybe,” you said. 

“At least let me walk you to wherever you’re going.” 

“You don’t have to do that.” 

“Well where are you going?” 

“Congression Hall?” You replied. 

“Wait, you live there?” 

“Uhm, yes? Me along with practically every other junior.” 

“What floor?” 

“8.” You said. 

“Should’ve guessed.” He replied as you started walking across the quad. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Honors 8. I forgot you were in hc.” He was referring to the eighth and top floor of Congression Hall, which was reserved for the honors college juniors. 

“Yeah.” You said simply. 

“I’m on six, by the way.” He said. “That’s why I was curious. I’ve never seen you around there.” 

“I’m not usually, I only really use it for sleep.” 

“Of course,” he replied. 

“I assumed you lived in a frat house.” You commented. 

“Nah, next year.” He said with a wink. “Speaking of frat houses, there’s kind of this party going on at Delt tonight-” 

“I’m aware.” You said, cutting him off. 

“Ah, well, if you want I can get you on the list.” You smiled to yourself. 

“No need, I’m already on the list.” You said. 

“Oh?” He said, clearly embarrassed. “Because of delta nu?” 

“Nope.” You said, not offering any other information. 

“Well maybe I’ll see you there then.” 

“Even if you do see me there, I will be pretending I don’t know you.” 

“Why?” He asked, clearly offended. “I run that house.” He joked, trying to play off the embarrassment. 

“No offense, but your reputation would not be good for mine.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Well I have a certain reputation in the greek community, and if people see me with you they’ll get the wrong idea.” 

“The wrong idea?” He asked as you walked in the lobby of your building. 

“Well, see, the thing is,” you said, stepping into the elevator. He pressed the button for six and eight. “I have certain standards. If people see me with you, they’ll think I’ve…” 

“Wow, you are really uptight, aren’t you?” 

“Excuse me?” 

“Certain standards? Jesus christ, you’re not the queen, Y/N. And I don’t have a bad reputation. But god forbid I don’t live up to your ‘standards.’” He said, storming off the elevator without another word, clearly upset. You sighed. Good job, Y/N. 

Tom got to his room and threw his stuff on the floor, collapsing on his bed. His head hurt from all the tutoring, and trying to focus on not staring at your lips. 

delt juniors

Tom

aight important question guys

Cal

whats up tommy

Tom

do you guys know a girl called Y/N Y/L/N? shes a delta nu

Joey

dan knows her ;)

Cal

fuck, Y/N? what are you doing with her? 

Tom

shes tutoring me stop buggin 

Max

i know her which u know shes in hc with me 

Liam

oh danny DEFINITLY knows her 

Will

who doesnt know Y/N? shes a hot commodity

Tom

what do you mean? 

Cal

shes like the perfect girl next door, totally hot and so smart which just makes her hotter

Will

doesnt help that shes a huge fuckin flirt AND can hold her alc

Joey

dan is being suspiciously quiet……..

Dan

shut up joe

Liam

care to share with tommy your story with Y/N, daniel? 

Dan

i hate u all 

fine

i was like in love with her freshman year

and i thought she was into me too

and we made out a couple of times but nothing else

the second she found out i was in delt she stopped talking to me

like complete radio silence 

Tom

wtf? Why? 

Cal

she doesnt fuck with delts

thats like common greek knowledge

Will

maybe its because shes gonna be dchi sweetheart? 

Joey

nah theres gotta be something else

Harrison

well i just put her on the list for tonite

Tom

wait YOU put her on the list?! 

Harrison

yeah i invited her friend Emily Gold and she doesnt go anywhere without Y/N and these two other girls

Cal

Ally Park and Isabelle Miller

Harrison

yeah howd u know? 

Cal

theyre like those cool girls from high school everyones obsessed with that are just out of everyones league

Tom

wow american high schools are so weird

Dan

tom if u wanna get with her i wont be pissed

Tom

nah like you said she hates delts, and after three tutoring sessions with me i guarentee i am her least favorite delt ever

Liam

theres no fuckin way she shows up tonight

she wouldnt be caught dead at a delt party

Noah

wait you said Y/N Y/L/N may come tonight????

DIBS

DIBS DIBS DIBS

I CALL DIBS

Cal

noah u seriously show up just to call dibs?

Noah

yeah bro have u seen her? if she comes tonight and any of you try to cockblock me i stg ill deck you

Dan

pretty sure tommy has rightful dibs to this one

Tom

nah fam she hates me so fuckin much

let noah try his luck

i doubt she’ll even show

Max

she’ll show. 

Tom

what makes u say that? 

Liam

max does know her best

Max

she and ally and emily and isabelle are ride or die. they circulate who picks what party they go to and if its emilys turn and harrison somehow conviced her to go, Y/N wont miss it

Dan

she hasnt set foot in a delt house since freshman year, you seriously think she’ll show? 

Max

five bucks says she does

Dan

youre on 

Noah

i just wanna make it clear

that if she does show

D I B S

[crowdedimagines]

Baby Dobrik - David Dobrik

word count: 1761 an// this gif has nothing to do with this story, david’s just cute af

“I need help.” I whisper into the phone, waiting for a response.

“What’s going on? Are you okay, (Y/n)?” Liza says without hesitation.

“I’m fine. Can you come over?” I ask.

“Yeah, I’m on my way.”

“Can you do me one more thing?” I ask, trying to remain calm.

“Yeah, whatever you need.”

“A pregnancy test.”

“I’ll be there as fast as I can.” I can hear the background noise of her getting in her car, “I love you, (Y/n). Don’t panic.”

“I love you too, Liza.”

I will always be thankful for the relationship that Liza and I have. Everyone assumed once I started dating David that we hate each other’s guts. That is far from the case. We were all friends before anyone dated. Liza is not in a place in her life right now where she can have a boyfriend.

David has moved past that. It took time but we ended up together. We’ve been friends forever, but one night we were drunk beyond belief and one thing led to another. We decided after that that we both wanted a relationship. Liza has been both our friends through all of it.

It doesn’t take long for Liza to show up at David’s house. It’s just me here, the house is quiet. Too quiet for my liking.

“(Y/n)?” Liza asks, walking through the front door that I had unlocked when I opened the garage gate.

“Hi.” I smile slightly but it’s more of a courtesy than of being thrilled.

“I got it.” She hands me a brown paper bag and joins me on the couch. “Are you sure?”

“No. That’s why I need this.” I shrug before shaking the bag to gesture to it. “My period is over two and a half weeks late. I’ve also been throwing up every morning this week. David thinks I am getting the flu. I didn’t put two and two together until right before I called you.”

It’s weird sometimes to see Liza so serious. She always adds humor to everything that she does, it’s something that I love about her. Even she doesn’t have a joke for this. The only other time I’ve seen her like this is when she opened up about her mental health.

“No matter what the results, you are going to be okay.” She places a reassuring hand on my knee.

“The last thing that David needs right now is a kid.” I place my face in my hands, “His career is doing so well. I don’t want to be the thing that ruins that.”

“You won’t be ruining it, and if David sees it that way he’s not the man that either of us thought he was. It’s not just his opinion that matters. How do you feel?”

I can feel my eyes slowly starting to water.

“I want to be a mom, but I didn’t want it this soon. It’s not what I expected for my life right now, but I can’t help but get excited with the thought.”

I ramble while she nods, understanding where I am coming from completely.

“Go in there and pee on that stick. I’ll be out here no matter what the results are.”

I hop off the couch and go into David and I’s shared bathroom. Three minutes pass and the timer on my phone makes me jump. The stick is face down on the counter. I take a few deep breaths before I can stomach flipping it over. Either way, I can find happiness. I know I can.

Positive.

I walk back into the living room. Liza notices and immediately sets her phone down.

“Am I going to be an Auntie?” She asks with a smile.

“You are.” I smile.

She jumps up and pulls me into a hug. She’s jumping up and down and pulls me with her.

“I know this isn’t when you wanted this to happen but it’ll be good! This baby is going to end up being a blessing, just you wait!”

“I know, I know!”

Liza stays for a while and I make lunch for us. We talk about the baby, and how the rest of the vlog squad is going to react. We also talk about how David is going to react.

“I just hope he is as excited as me. I was worried at first, being so young, but now I can’t wait to be a mom.” I smile.

“I’m home!” David yells, he kicks off his shoes at the front door. “Hey Liza, I didn’t know you were coming over today.”

He walks over and stands next to me at his table.

“Last minute thing.” Liza insists. “But I think I’m heading home now.”

She gets up from the table once he comes into the house.

“It was great spending today with you.” She places a hand on my arm.

“Thank you for coming over.”

I pull her in for a hug and walk her to the door.

“Good luck. Text me everything.” She whispers, “If you need anything, I’m a phone call away.”

“Thank you, Liza.”

She waves before walking out of the house. I walk over to find David in the living room now.

“Hey, how was your day?” I ask, sitting down next to him. I swing my legs onto his lap, and he sets his phone

“Good. I think I got some good content at Zane’s with Jason. We did this bit with the flamethrower.” He starts laughing to himself thinking about it.

“I’m sure that’ll be great.” I smile.

“Hey, are you okay?” He asks, picking up on me acting more quiet than usual.

“Yeah, I actually need to tell you something.” I sit up, tucking my legs underneath me.

“Am I going to like where this is heading?” He starts absentmindedly spinning one of the rings around his finger.

“I honestly don’t know. I hope so. I think it’s good.” I laugh nervously.

“Should I film a reaction? Is it good?” He gets a goofy grin on his face but I can tell that he’s still nervous.

“Yeah, I think it’s great. You might have a different reaction.”

He grabs his camera and starts recording. This could go either way. He’s either going to get great footage of him first finding out about our child or he’s going to get our downfall.

“Close your eyes.” I smile.

“Really?” He groans. “Do I have to?”

“Yes, because if you don’t you won’t believe me.”

He reluctantly closes his eyes. I quickly run to the bathroom to grab the pregnancy test. I come back to find him with his eyes still closed.

“Hold out your hands.”

“(Y/n)” He groans out my name before holding out two shaky hands.

I place the small plastic stick in his hands. The small plastic stick that holds our whole future.

He peeks his eyes open to see the test.

“You’re joking.” He laughs, not believing me.

“I’m not.” I can’t wipe the tight-lipped smile off of my face.

“Seriously?” I nod, “Deadass?”

I nod yet again. He doesn’t say anything for a second. Instead, he tackles me on the couch.

“Oh my god! We’re having a baby!” He yells.

I can’t help but laugh along with him. He’s still hugging me into the couch, the camera long forgotten.

“I love you.” He peppers kisses all along my face. “I can’t believe you didn’t know if I would think this was good!”

“I don’t know! I was unsure at first, we’re so young.” We pull away a bit so we can see each other’s faces but not so far that we aren’t touching.

“Yeah, but so were my parents. We’ll figure it out, I couldn’t be more happy to do this with you though.” He grins. It gives me butterflies seeing him get so excited about this. I feel bad for even doubting him in the first place.

“We’re having a baby.” I whisper.

“We’re having a baby.” He reaffirms.

I lean in and press my lips against his. We’re both smiling too much to really focus on the kiss. He scoots down on the couch and presses a kiss to my stomach.

“Hey, we’re still recording.” I laugh and point to the camera which had been forgotten.

“Welcome to the vlog squad Baby Dobrik.” I say with a laugh.

David rests his head on on my stomach just getting close. He’s whispering super quietly, I can’t even hear most of what he’s saying

“So, is this what it’s going to be like for the next nine months?” I ask, rolling my eyes.

“Yes, you two are bonding all the time. I’m taking all the time I can get,” He says with a smug grin.

I reach forward and grab his camera and turn it off.

“Looks like you’re going to have the best clickbait yet.”

“No.” He shakes his head, “At least not for a while, I want this to be between just us for as long as I can. Our baby.”

“Well, us and Liza.” I smile.

“Liza already knows?” He asks, shocked.

“Yes! She brought me the pregnancy test.” I point to the test to that is no just sitting on his table.

“Okay, next time please just come to me. I promise you have nothing to worry about. I love you so much.”

“Next time? Already planning on knocking me up again?” I joke.

“Maybe, we can’t just have one kid!” David says af it’s the most obvious thing ever.

“How many kids do you think were having?” I ask with a laugh. It’s fun talking about this with him. We’ve talked about the future together but never children.

“At least two.” He shrugs.

“Two I can handle. I already have my hands full with you, can’t have too many kids.” I poke him in the side.

“Hey!”

“Kidding kidding!”

“So I told my best friend, you can tell yours.” I say, “It’s only fair.”

“My best friend already knows.” He sits up.

“What?”

“Yeah, she’s the one carrying my child.” His face flushes for a second, slightly embarrassed.

“That was so cheesy, bub!” I coo over him.

“Alright, shut up.” He tries to push me away from my affections.

“Hey! You can’t tell a pregnant woman to shut up!”

“This is going to be a long nine months.” He groans back, repeating my earlier words back to me.

“I know, but at the end we get a baby.” I remind. He shakes his head again in disbelief and awe.

“Baby Dobrik.”

[clownbeep]

This is gonna be kinda brutal. But I want to put it into writing

Big vent/whats been going on

Hah... I guess this is like my life story or some shit...

Trigger warning ahead.. Depression and a bit of gore/suicide talk so if you are sensitive to that please, for your own sake and mental state you might not want to continue.

For those who dont want to hear a pretty dark vent, I understand.

And those who are just scrolling by feel free to scroll past. I just personally want to get this out.

If you have dealt with emotional neglect/abuse and need to know it isnt in your head this might be the post.

By writing this it feels like hopefully someone else will read this and realise certain things are NOT healthy.

If you are questioning if you are being emotionally neglected/abused (im speaking in a parental sense but even romantically or sexually) im not someone to give you answers, but the fact you are questioning it raises some red flags. In a healthy relationship you dont wonder those things.

Sorry for the long prelude but heres what I wanted to say

.

.

.

.

.

.

Ever since I was young, ive had bad ADHD, manic bipolar/depression, and sensory issues.

I was diagnosed around 13 I believe. My family (I didnt realise it then) always showed pity. Like I was some wild animal that couldnt be tamed and there was nothing they could do. Id do and say stupid attention seeking things just to try and get a shred of empathy.

My family didnt care.

When I was in the hospital for a suicide attempt regaurding pills and my liver had a chance of failing.. None of my family members cried over me. But a family friend. Someone not. Even. Related. Wept over me.

My family didnt care.

I cant say they never cared. They give me food water and luxuries like internet and a phone. For that I am grateful.

But in many other ways they have hurt me faar more than helped.

Once I got out of a short term stay in an inpatient mental facility I desperately needed contact with anyone who would care for me.

I have a younger sister, quite young probably around 7 at the time. She was a close friend of mine for that time. Id hang out with her so often to fill the gap in love it felt my family didnt give. One day I walked into the dining room and overheard my mother and father talking to my little sister. They told her to keep away because I wasnt "stable" because I was "dangerous" and could give her bad Ideas. And with one single action my only friend at the time and way to find happiness was taken away.

My family did not care.

When I stay in bed every day for months on end not knowing which day ill snap and end it all.... I get called lazy.

My family did not care

When I beg for medication to make me a functional human being they brush me off for years on end. Im losing my grip. I can barely remember things that have happened last week because I try so hard to forget everything its my automatic response to everything.

When I cant get to sleep because all of the memories come flooding back and im hit by wave after wave of horrific memories and the feeling if worthlessness... When I cant watch any videos or read posts about families because it brings on unwanted memories and emotions....

Is it me being dramatic then?

When you hear your family openly mocking and laughing about how stupid and dramatic and fake trans people are... How weird and unnatural and mentally insane these people are not knowing they are the very reason grsm and trans suicides are so high...

Am I a liar now? Am I insane?

When I tried to talk to them about my mental health issues. They took my only way of contact and made me feel like it was my own fault.

My family didnt care.

When I was nearly passed out shaking in a bathtub covered in wounds and blood all over... They showed pity, then lectured me for an hour for not telling them or for being impulsive and basically cleaned my wounds and sent me into my room.

My family didnt care.

Yes. I do agree, they cleaned my wounds, the physical side of showing care. However emotionally they were not there.

When my father drinks so heavilly every day he is home from work that he forgets half the things he tells you and can barely function.. They lecture my older sister for having a glass of wine (legal age)

They did not care.

My sister (23) tried for so many years to cling to what little attention she would get by getting good grades and going to college... She realised that it changed nothing about how my family felt toward her.... She snapped.

My family did not care.

She starves herself for a disease she does not have, she uses religion as an exuse to be one of the biggest christian extremists I personally know. Half the days she doesnt eat... Other days she burns book and gets rid of items for being demonic.

My lovely sister used to be kind and quite normal. However she couldnt find comfort in what little live her family gave. Starved for care she turned to religion to un unhealthy degree. Finding any way to keep her mind busy. Now I worry she will end up in the hospital for weighing so little.

My family did not care.

My oldest sister (27) Is married to a continuously cheating husband who she keeps letting back into her life. She was raised with a failing marrige and doesnt seem to see when she should call it quits.

Not to mention her husband has touched someone legally under the age of concent. Did she report him to the authorities? No.

All of these horrific things stemming from bad parenting. Unhealthy relationships and neglect.

Neglect emotionally can cause just as bad things as physical neglect. They are both horrifically dangerous in different ways.

These are the only big things I can remember... Basically age 15 and below are a complete blur to me and I cant remember much of it without thinking for a looong time. Even then I cant remember a lot of it... I feel like ive lost my whole damn childhood. And it hurts more than if they had just hit me or physically harmed me.

Im not underplaying physically harm. But in my personaly opinion I would rather my family have beaten me badly because at least then id have an easier way to prove to people how severe the abuse was. You can see bruises and confirm broken bones... But years of feeling completely useless and being shut off from most of the world other than the internet... It fucks you up in a way I dont think can be healed.

I dont know if I can ever love myself or... Remember things. Its terrifying to think Ill post this and a few weeks later probably not even rememner unless its brought up. Or meeting people and having conversations... And they are just... Gone.

Gone.

I suppose the biggest reason im writing this is well... In the future I dont want to forget in some ways.. I want like to be 100× as awesome knowing itll start as soon as im out of here..

If I dont have anything to compare it too then what is the point?

Ive layed out basically most of what I remember

A large amount of time I look around and nothing registers... Everything is familiar but I cant remember anything for a moment or two.. I feel like my memory is slipping so fast and im terrified.. I cant do anything to stop it and I cant make my mood be stable without the medication my family cant be bothered to get ...

I suppose this is a bit of a vent. I know its kind of everywhere and unorganized..

If im honest.. Tumblr is the only place where people have given me a home I wish I had..

I came out as trans here... Everyone was so damn supportive.. I didnt say anything but I cried hard and the kindness.. It was amazing.. It was such a jarring difference to how I feel when I say anything in real life.

Ive met friends here and ive had some much fun here. If youve stuck around this far thank you so much.. If you didnt I dont blame you.

I just wanted to share what has been flashing in my head these past few days.. It hurts a lot and ive even considered suicide recently..

Im trying hard. As hard as I can.. I have no escape though.

I cannot leave home. I cannot escape. Im not being dramatic.

I

CANT

LEAVE

And its terrifying because I know without medication or at least being somewhere AWAY from family.... I feel like im going to break soon.

I dont want to do anything stupid.. But some days I cant think straight and do things that harm myself and its not good. Its not okay. Im aware that I need help but I have no idea where to go/turn.. I have no ID or drivers liscence.. I have no transportation to and from a job to get money so I can leave... I live in the middle of nowhere.... I just..

I dont want to lose touch. I dont want to do anything bad.. I want to be functional.. I want to do more than eat and sleep my life away because I have nothing else to do..

Im so damn sick and tired of this all.. And at times I really do feel like there is only one way out.

Its always there and I just feel like one of these days im gonna be pushed over the edge and not be thinking clearly enough to stop it.

Im thinking semi clearly right now which is my im posting this.. Because im afraid and alone.

I have nowhere to go irl I have no friends Irl i just have tumblr and media and thats it. I dont expect anyone to be able to help I just wanted to write this so anyone knows what happens if I leave media..

If I tell my family my issues they will blow me off again for the 11th time or so (not exaggerated)

And if I do something to get sent to the hospital and get the help I need the cycle will continue with them being pissed and me getting sent home in a month or less anly for my family relationships to get worse..

Im spiraling fuether and further and I cant keep up the facade of being fine. I need help. And i have no way to get it. Ive just been suffering for years...

Sitting around and doing nothing but using your phone or drawing or whatever sound fun in theory... But if thats all youve been able to do for years with little to no real life social contact its gonna mess with your head... I dont want to be a shut in... I just

I dont know what to do.

Im sorry for rambling. I will most likely delete this later feeling embarrassed I posted this...

Im just tired..

[percy-is-cinnamon]

So lately in my foreign language class a boy who used to help bully me has been really nice to me and it's really genuine. Like him and I looked at each other at the same time cause he was goofing around and he smiled and me and we both kinda laughed and it was nice. But I dont think he or the other kids who bullied me understand how much damage they really did to me. They always made it clear that I was NOT pretty and that I didnt fit in. No matter what they went out of their way to make fun of me weather it be them making fun of my name or them making it very clear that no one would accept or love me. I have no idea why they did it or why for so long but it really cut me deep. I always kept my head down when passing them in the halls because I knew I was just gonna be made fun of heck is till kind of cower when I pass some of them in the halls. But the thing is I still dont beleive I'm beautiful no matter how many times people tell me. And I refuse the idea that anyone could love me in terms of having a partner. Bullying weather it be emotional or physical is awful and creates wounds that never heal. Everytime I see the main guy who bullied me, all I can see is the boy who hates my guts and tormented me , who made me unable to love myself. Now I've gotten better through the years but My brain wont fix itself. Sometimes I feel broken because of it and i hate it. And I know I'm not broken and that I should be able to get over this after all these years ( it started in elementary school now I'm halfway through highschool) but I just cant shake anything. I will forever have a hatred for most of them because of what they've done but I'm not hanging onto that anger because itll do nothing for me. Luckily enough most of them just kind of ignore me now but it still hurts. I know sometimes they glare at me in the halls. I have no clue what I've done to them or why they felt the need to treat me like that. But you know they got their way. I dont have many friends that actually want to hang out with me and almost everyone wants nothing to do with me. But it's okay. I've felt with it for years, I can handle a few more. If you ever think about making fun of someone just because, dont. It's not funny. All it is, is harmful and awful. And some wounds will never heal. Anyways that's my rant of the day. Thank you.

[miu15]

Petunia (WCB prologue thing)

He bats his hand away from the buttons."No, no, just hold me tighter Witt." There is no change in pressure. So he pushes himself onto the other with more desperation. "Witt, please" he whines. 

"Shh." Witt hushes onto his lips and continues with a gentle hold on the others hips. Anger boils in Yogi's chest, passion fuels it and he bites Witt on the bottom lip and holds it hostage. Witt cries out as blood drips. Yogi lets go but before witt  can protest his attention is yanked abruptly to meet yogi's. Yogi's grip on witts chin will leave a bruise but that seems to be the least of Witt's problems however.

The fire has reached his bright green eyes. "Youre not paying attention to me." Witt lowers his eyes away from yogi. Yogi refuses to be ignored and yanks his chin again. Witt makes a grunt of annoyance. But meets his gaze straight on. 

Neither makes a sound, its a challenge for the other to make the first move. Unlike his usually self, yogi hesitates and his green eyes burn into witt's blue. Witt gaze is daring, its not as mysterious as he would of wished and it takes only a minute for yogi to figure out what everyone has been spending a week searching for. The traitor.

"You son of a bitch." Yogi growls still holding Witt's chin. Witt makes no sound or movement to escape. " you son of a bitch!" Yogi yells louder. He yells as if the louder he scream, the quicker itll be for the past to change. The green burns brighter but yogi doesnt use the fire on witt. Instead he throws his chin to the side and yells more. "Do you know what you've done!? Do you ever fucking think?" 

"Yogi-"

Yogi picks up a glass bottle and throws it next to Witt. Its not meant to harm him, its simply a warning.

"Shut up! You fucking idiot" he groans and buries his eyes as deep as he can into the palm of his hand. "You fucking screwed me Witt. You fucked me over and you- you- never think!" He takes out his cigerette and lighter but the lighter wont light so he throws it across the room and crumples the cigerette. 

"I dont regret it."

Yogi rounded back to him. "So I have to!? I have to regret for you? I always have to clean up after your shit." He jabs his finger at Witt.

"Nothing will happen to you Yogi, you didnt do shit." 

"Exactly Idiot! I didnt do shit! You made sure of that!" 

"What are you talking about?" Witt wraps his arms across his chest and sinks down the wall onto the floor.

"Im in charge of you and the other idiot. You only thought of yourself!" 

Witt stayed on the floor but he didnt need to stand to for the anger to be intimidating. Witt doesnt get angry. He gets annoyed, he gets fatigued, but he doesnt get angry. Its not explosive like yogis. Its silent and yogi doesnt understand it placement in the first place. 

"Yogi this may have been one of the least selfish thing ive done. Forget our line of work, that! That was evil and made us just as bad the enemy. We watched in safety while he hurt her every day. Damn the consequence I'd do it again, tell him. Make it easier on yourself.  Let amir kill me."

Yogi stopped pacing and lowered to witt slowly. "Kill you? You think, he'll kill you?"  Yogi slowly unbuttoned his shirt and made sure witt focused when he tried to turn his head away. "I would lie about it. Tell a fun story, make everyone jealous." He scoffed. The purple line glinted catching Witt's whole attention. "You left 'to search and be a good blood hound.'" Tenderly he shrugged the shirt off thin lines of bright purple and red ran in chaotic paths across his arms. Around his chest was a set of fresh gauze. "Its not just one," he laughs. "He like her, as confusing as it is." 

"Yogi-" 

Yogi shoots him a glare. " No Witt." And he continues to unwrap. "You want death? He wont give you the pleasure." The red lines grow thicker and more mared. There's purple and black and red and green and blue. But theres so much red. Witt gently pushes away the bright strands of Yogi's long hair. Yogi in turn puts it in his usual ponytail. The signs were all there. The thick jackets, the hair being left down, the clothes on whenever theyd- "dont start feeling guilty now idiot. Some of them arent just your mistakes." There were older scars circular on his sternum, but they werent scars they were burns. But it all went dark black as it got closer to where his heart should be. Over it was a single gauze taped into place. 

His body was marred with lightning and burns and scratches from beastial claws. It was a wonder he moved a gracifully as he could.

"H-how?"

"How, what? Hm? How am I still living? Amir needs me. Not me exactly but my role. And i know too much to easily replace. Who knows maybe youll take it when you know enough. He has friends Witt, he cant afford to kill. So he wont. He needs my eyes my hands my arms my mind and my body. So he makes sure it works. He assures me I'll work at the end of the day and I love him for it. I love my role and I dont try to run from it." Carefully and painfully he removes the gauze. A single glowing purple flower with crystals encrusting it are all embedded where his heart should be. "I cant run from it. There's nothing to run too. Im already dead." Witt reaches out to touch him but once again yogi bats away the hand. He forgets the wraps and puts his shirt back on and gets up. He retrieves his lighter and lights a cigarette on his second try. 

He breaths out the smoke and the worry with it. "I wont say anything. You shouldnt either. Let him keep wandering." Witt nods. "She safe?" 

"I lost her so she is." 

Yogi nods."keep it like that." And he leaves Witt to his thoughts. 

[thefeckisthis]

hello darkness my old friend.

well im not quite sure why this title nor what exactly am i going to write about, i just had the need to write. ever had that feeling? no? oh. ok.

its been a while since last post, many things had happened, fun, annoying,stressful, interesting and so on and some may expect sassy posts like first two and thats not going to happen with in this one, sorry not sorry.  ive been feeling the need to write about anxiety, not entirely sure why, just a feeling in me telling me to do so so lets see where it goes.

apologies for spelling mistakes because in these  last couple of sentences ive had so many red lines that makes me think can i even spell -_- (hello brain, you there?)  confidence is a tricky things. you are not born with it, you have to build it up. god knows i had no confidence before and i still struggle with it sometimes, especially with my anxiety - sometimes it can affect it really bad. when anxiety, i want to talk about because i think these kind of things should be talked about.

my anxiety levels are still not alarming but they are at that level when it can definitely affect my daily life, especially on bad days. ive definitely learned how to cope with it, sometimes it cant be helped. i definitely suffer from GAD (general anxiety disorder https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/generalized-anxiety-disorder-gad) with medium to high social anxiety - https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/social-anxiety-disorder (which many people don’t believe heh) and ive discovered some unusual phobias that I have also count as anxiety issues (trypophobia,  Emetophobia, fear of knives are some of mine examples) so it can  vary from person to person.

(imagine having all those on almost daily basis, yaaay)

i know, lots of people will say ah everyone is tense and stressed, we all must have anxiety. no, just dont. its not the same. occasional stress is normal, anxiety is completely different. its not easy to be in constant worry phase, being triggered by small things (coffee can easily trigger mini panic attacks, been there done that), small inconveniences, theres so much to it.

another awful part of it is overthinking. that is what used to kill me and mess up relationships i had with people. one small  thing can set you back so much. as ive mentioned, some people learn how to deal with it and some people seek for help, and both of those things are amazing. letting it affect you is not amazing.

talk to someone, youre not alone.

i always tell people to not be afraid to talk to me about their problems, because i do know how it is, i do understand. i had some people who dont understand as much as they think they do and when id open up to them they would say just stop worrying, its ok.

uuuhm like no. thats the whole point. my brain cant stop worrying. thanks for letting me on deepest secrets of the world, appreciated. high chances are that we do actually know that but its sometimes impossible to stop worrying. if i could do that so easily i wouldnt be suffering from anxiety, right? 

do i have panic attack? yes i do. had more before, now it got down to 2-3 in 6 months, so thats around 6 a year. last year i had full blown panic attack, worst that i ever had, my whole body just shut down and i was crying for full on 45mins, not being able to breathe, talk or move. sounds fun, eh?  and lets go back to social anxiety, as ive said people say that i dont seem like an introvert or that i have any struggles with that.

i do tho. i just dont let it be stronger than me. my head and my body in social situations can be in full panic mode but ill be there sitting with smile on my face. there were social gatherings or parties where i would end up sitting on my own, trying to fight tears and the emotions in me would be bubbling and getting worse and my common sense would be trying to fight them, thats why i end up sitting in corner like a weirdo. meting new people? socializing? that doesnt sound fun for me at all, i usually just avoid situations like that. i will talk most of the time and joke and its just because my common sense is trying to fight anxiety while at the same time my anxiety is trying to take over.  i wish i can explain what is going on in my head. 

if you invite me to go somewhere with you, dont leave me. please. thank you.

it has also affected my job, if i get a task im not sure what to do, or im told to just amend something, i just wish to get up and leave until my head gets clear. ive noticed small things i tend to do when i feel that anxiety is getting higher than i want it to be, eg ill start picking at my nails, ill bite my lip till it hurts, just shut down and stare blankly, taking deep breaths, shaking my hands to stop them from shaking (weirdly i think itll shake off my stress), do weird stuff with my hands, or all combined. rare people noticed all the things and actually knew when i was starting to get my anxiety attacks and they were really helpful.

how to help someone if you see them starting to have anxiety attack?

people deal with anxiety different ways, dont just assume one thing will help everyone. - for example hug wont make me calm, im not a fan of human touch in general and hugging me when im having an attack will only make me more stressed and more triggered and itll make everything worse. - dont force the person to talk about it, rather just ask them if they want to talk about it, if they dont, please dont leave them, just sit there in silence that means a world. -if they do want to talk about it, never, and i repeat never say dont worry its nothing or just stop worrying and think happy thoughts. 

- talk with them about it, or let them talk. ask what is the issue, why does it make them feel that way, just try to find solution slowly. - if a person starts crying, let them cry. crying is amazing way to release the tension and it will help the person to feel more at ease - if you do notice early signs of anxiety attack, change the environment, divert the person, make them think of something different

- dont make the person walk or do something they dont want to, it will cause things to go worse, personally ill probably just sit and curl up and cry my eyes out but for the love of god dont touch me or make me walk, my body is just not able and its causing more stress

- after the attack calms down, let person go on with their life, dont talk about it straight after. let them fully calm down. some people (most cases me) will be ‘normal’ after the episode (after my big one i straight away started joking how disgustingly runny my nose was from crying)  and some people will take a bit longer

We are all different in handling the situations. Anxiety like every other disorder is not easy and it has to be taken seriously. If you have it, if you know someone who has it, please talk to those people. Be supportive. Dont make them feel like there is something wrong with them. Small conversation and an ear to listen can go a long way.

be a friend and be a human.

[namea]

Goth Rainbowcy Challenge!

I’m sorry guys, I couldn’t resist. So this is my Goth Rainbowcy challenge. I came up with it for shits and giggles but I think it’ll be fun! It’s a 7 gen challenge that plays with different game features and goth subcultures at the same time. You don’t have to be goth to do it (I’m not) and you can play with vanilla, berry, or any sims in between. Hit the read-more to see it! Tag “GothRainbowcy” with your pictures. I’d love to see them!! <333 

Goth Rainbowcy rules:

No money cheats

No trait, skill, or gameplay cheats

Occasional motives cheating allowed

Appearance cheats free game

Choose the heir however you want.

Aging should be on.

 You can play this berry, banilla, or however you want!! I have a mix in my game so who knows where mine will go! While matching hair/eyes/clothes are encouraged like in most rainbowcy challenges they aren’t mandatory at all!

Gen 1 – Fledgling Goth

If no one wants to try and understand you, you’ll strike out on your own! Build a life for yourself and start a successful dark legacy of awesomeness.

 Start as a monochrome black white and grey themed goth teen. Choose any aspiration or traits and any style of gothiness that you want. Start on an empty lot. Choose any 3 of the following items to place on the lot:

Tent

3 small planters

Cheapest BBQ grill

Potty Bush

Easel

Ice chest

woodworking table

Instrument

Cheapest sink

camera

Achieve:

Don’t purchase anything else until you’ve made 500 simoleons. 

Have 1 pet. Have the following on the lot:

Cat: Cheapest litter box, Cheapest bowl

Dog: Cheapest bowl, One cheap toy

Don’t get another pet when this one dies

Get a job you slacker! Any job will do. When you’ve made 500 simoleons (in any way) go ahead and choose one extra item from the list to give yourself as a reward. Make sure you have at least 100 simoleons left!

Maintain a B or higher grade in school. 

Have at least 1 best friend who isn’t goth.

Have at least 1 other friend who is goth.

Have at least 1 enemy

Have at least 1 friend who is a senior citizen

Attempt (but fail) to get to know Death until you’re a senior yourself, then become friends with Death.

Upon aging into adult get a job in any industry you like and advance to the furthest level.

Upon aging into adult complete your aspiration.

Upon aging into an adult marry and have at least one child with another goth.

Build a house on your lot bit by bit for you and your family to live in. It can be themed gothy or not, up to you. 

Gen 2: Red – Gothabilly

Your parents taught you a love of goth culture and fashion…but they never expected that you’d hear the swinging sounds of the 50’s in your heart. It’s time to make your way into the world and show it what you can do!

This sim should have the Serial Romantic aspiration and the following traits: Music Lover, Self Assured, and ONE other trait of your choosing. Upon reaching adulthood they should enter the entertainer career and eventually choose the musician branch.

This generation starts when your sim is a teen. This sim should have a red and black aesthetic with a 50’s twist similar to rockabilly but more goth. Red hair and eyes recommended. To finish out this generation you should do as much of the following as possible before the next generation starts:

Own at least 2 guitars and one microphone.

Have checkered floors in your kitchen.

Win a Karaoke contest at least twice

Have 3 non-goth best friends who introduce them to music as a kid or teen.

Have 1 goth best friend

Win a dance off against someone.

Reach level 10 of the guitar skill and singing skill.

 Reach the highest level of the musician career.

Marry a non Gothabilly goth.

Have one child with them.

Eventually break up and marry a non goth.

Have one child with them

Break up and marry another goth. If you don’t have a boy and a girl yet have kids with them until you have at least one boy and one girl. Stay with them or break up as you want.

Have a dog and a cat.

Max relationship with your children and pets. Be friends again with both exes before death.

Finish the aspiration.

 Gen 3: Orange – Steampunk

Music never interested you the way it did your parents. You weren’t social or loud, you didn’t care much for the 50’s aesthetic…in fact you worried you weren’t even…goth…until you saw a steam engine in a movie. You were enamored quickly and suddenly it made sense, the cogs and steam of the world. Brass goggles, corsets, clockwork and elegance. This is your scene. Your parents may not understand but they love you anyway.

This generation starts when your founder has died. The sim should have an orange, brown, black, and brass aesthetic or however you wanna do steampunk. Orange hair and eyes recommended. Skin too if ya wanna berrify it.

This sim should have the Nerd Brain aspiration and the following traits: Genius, Loner, and one other trait of your choosing. Upon reaching adulthood you should join the Scientist career.

To finish out this generation you should do as much of the following as possible before the next generation starts:

Reach the top level of the scientist career

Have 2 cats

Reach level 10 of the handiness skill

Reach level 10 of the fishing skill

Own a woodworking table and create at least one of every option.

Catch at least 12 different kinds of fish

Have only one child with a one night stand

Never marry, you’re too busy!

Have a strained relationship with your child

Max relationship with your cats

Have only 1 best friend who is goth but be on good terms with as many of your coworkers as possible.

Earn the marketable trait

Own at least 4 high tier electronics

Fully upgrade at least 5 things in the family home.

Complete the aspiration

Retire after reaching the highest scientist level and concentrate on inventing at home.

Finally fall in love as a senior but don’t marry before death.

Generation 4 – Yellow: Pastel Goth

You never got along with your parent and felt cheated by not having a two parent home. Their aesthetic wasn’t as dark as your grandparents but you still try to distance yourself from it as much as possible. The cute but creepy aesthetic of pastel goth appeals to you in a lot of ways and that’s where you’re going with your life.

This generation starts when the sim is a teen. This sim should have the Super Parent aspiration and the following traits: Childish, Family oriented, And one other trait of your choice! This sim should join the social media career as a trend setter.

To finish out this generation you should do as much of the following as possible before the next gen starts:

Completely re-decorate the family home (except your parent’s room) replacing all black with white and the colours to pastels with some black accents.

Reach the top level of the trend setter career.

Own at least 2 rats in your lifetime.

Max the Parenting, gardening, and floral arranging skills.

Grow a cowplant

Earn a money tree.

Earn the green thumb trait.

Leave the house at night as little as possible.

Have 2 goth best friends

Have 1 pastel goth friend

Have at least 1 non goth friend

Marry your goth high school sweetheart

Have at least 2 kids

Finally get a friendly relationship with your parent after your first child is born.

Max your relationship with your kids but not your spouse.

Make at least 5000 simoleons with things you grow.

Generation 5 – Green: Cybergoth

You were always close with your parents but man that pastel aesthetic bothered you. Looking into old family albums you found pictures of your great grandparents and started learning about the darker sides of goth. Nothing could keep up with the electronic beats in your ears until you found cybergoth. With shiny blacks and neon colours you were home. Gas masks and hoses forever! Just don’t trip over them.

 Generation 2 should be dead before this generation starts. This generation starts when your sim reaches teenhood. This sim should have the Computer whiz aspiration and the following traits: Hot headed, Dance Machine, One other trait of your choice. Green hair and eyes are recommended.

 To finish out this generation you should do as much of the following as possible before the next generation starts:

 Join the programmer career but quit when you get to the career split and join the secret agent career in the oracle branch.

Max the DJ skill

Max the Dancing skill

Get rid of the pastel in at least half of the house

Reach at least level 5 in the programming and Video game skills

Win at least 3 dance offs

Have 1 goth best friend

Meet at least 2 aliens and become friends

Max your relationship with your spouse and kids

Have no pets

Earn the Mentor trait

Die before reaching senior age

Generation 6 – Blue: Victorian Goth

The death of your parent struck you hard…but not just with sadness. You discovered a beauty in the calm darkness of the graveyard. Poetry and art call to you and invite you to feel and experience that sadness until it leaves you feeling refreshed.

Generation 3 and 4 should be dead before this generation starts along with the parent from gen 5. This generation starts as soon as gen 5 parent dies. This sim should have the Renaissance Sim aspiration and the following traits: Gloomy, Art Lover, and one trait of your choice. Blue hair and eyes recommended.

To finish out this generation you should do as much of the following as possible before the next generation starts:

Finish redecorating the house back to its dark roots with a classical flair

Join the artist career and advance to the highest level in the branch of your choice.

Max the art skill

Max the violin skill

Max the logic skill

Max the gardening skill

Grow Roses, Dahlias, Orchids, and wolfsbane..

Graft to create a deathflower, then plant it and grow them.

Grow Roses, Dahlias, Orchids, and wolfsbane as well.

Paint at least 2 masterpieces in every art category.

Don’t go out during the day if possible.

Work from home as much as possible.

Have no close friends

Have a black cat. Keep owning one cat at a time of their family line.

Meet a marry a vampire.

Have one child with them.

Allow them to turn you the day before you become a senior.

Grow a plasma fruit tree

Max your relationship with your child but not your spouse.

Your spouse dies of “mysterious circumstances”.

Final generation – Purple: Modern Vamp Goth 

People talk about your family a lot. They’ve always been dark, your parents never came out in the day, and one parent disappeared under mysterious circumstances. They whisper that your other parent did it but you don’t care. You know it’s not true. You love the darkness but you’re a cheerful soul at heart. You grew up knowing something was different about your parents but it’s not until you reach teendom that you learn about your vampiric heritage and what that means. It’s time to embrace eternity.

This is the final gen! Thanks for playing!! This sim should have any of the vampire aspirations and the following traits: Cheerful Good/Evil (your choice) and one other trait of your choice. They should join the writer career and max out the author branch writing the story of their family. Purple hair and eyes recommended. Try to do the following:

Write at least 1 book of each genre

Finish all of the vampire lore books and max the vampire lore skill

Become a master vampire

Turn at least 3 sims and move them in with you

Own a coffin

Have 1 non goth best friend, turn them as well.

Max at least 7 skills

Earn at least 500,000 simoleons

Max the pipe organ skill

Destroy and rebuild the house completely or move to another world.

Thanks for playing!!

[angrylizardjacket]

ask your destiny to dance [16] {Roger Taylor}

[masterpost]

“I can’t speak to her.” Roger’s got his head on a bar in a pub that’s not Ash’s.

“Can I go back to pretending I don’t know what was going on?” Brian asks, taking a long sip of his drink and gazing out at the crowd. It’s been over a week since Ash had stayed over, and they hadn’t seen her since. It’s not like she’d even asked about him, or made a move to contact him; sometimes they go a full fortnight before seeing one another, but Roger’s been fretting for almost eight days internally, and for the past twenty minutes externally, since he’d finished his first drink.

“She said she loves me.” Roger groaned, lifting his head to weakly order another pint. 

“From what you’ve told me, she wasn’t even fully conscious; it’s not like it counts.” Brian had never seen Roger downright distressed like this, it would be funny if it wasn’t bordering on annoying.

“No, that means she was extra honest,” Roger groaned, downing half his beer in on go, to which Brian could only roll his eyes.

“Or she was still asleep and thought you were Jack Nicholson.” After a beat, Brian goes back to watching Roger brood over his glass. “Boo hoo, Rog,” he shoved the blonde lightly, to which Roger just leveled a glare at him, “a girl you’ve been seeing for months maybe has feelings for you. It’s not like it’s the end of the world.”

“It’s only been since I broke up with Kristin,” he’s adamant about that and Brian lets him have it, for now. In retrospect, he feels like an idiot for not seeing it sooner; Brian’s not sure when it started, but it’s definitely a lot longer than Roger’s willing to admit. “And it doesn’t mean nothing, but it also... it’s never meant something. Like it’s something but it’s not something. It’s just fucking around and having fun.” And Roger swivels on the bar stool, joining Brian in looking out over the crowd, before they spot Freddie crashing through the door, making a beeline for them once he’d spotted them.

“Alright, what did I miss?” Freddie asked, though the other two were quiet as he ordered a beer. Before either could get a word in edgewise, Freddie props his chin on his hand on the bar, and announces; “Roger you look like shit, what’s wrong?”

“I’m pretty sure he’s in love with Ash, and he thinks she’s in love with him.” Brian says blithely, and Freddie nods with understanding as Roger tells them to both sod off, and he stalks through to join the crowd on the dance floor. “She said she loved him in her sleep.” Brian explains, taking the chair Roger just freed, sliding into place beside Freddie.

“I’ve never seen him this worked up about someone before.” Freddie admitted, and Brian nodded in agreement, the two of them barely able to see his blonde hair for the crowd, and they lost sight of him soon enough.

“What do you think? Has Ash said anything?” Brian’s gaze slides to Freddie’s who just rolls his eyes.

“I think my dear Ash has never in her life loved a man who’s deserved it,” Freddie mused, though his lips twisted into a smirk, “that’s not to say she’s a saint, far from it, but compared to the others, Roger is a breath of fresh air.” 

“Isn’t that a sad thought.” Brian said faintly, before heaving a sigh. “Well, I know we haven’t been here long,” he got to his feet, finishing off his drink and looking around for his housemate, “but if I don’t drag him home he’s going to do something stupid in his current state.”

“Like that pretty, brunette thing over there?” Freddie asks, pointing to where Roger’s already got his lips on a wavy-haired brunette at the side of the room. Freddie’s pretty sure he sees Brian’s soul leave his body for a moment, and watches everything play out like a terrible Shakespearean comedy for which he was the only audience member.

“He’s a danger to himself.” Brian takes Freddie’s drink from his hands and takes a long gulp before passing it back, though Freddie doesn’t seem likely to complain.

“He seems rather fine,” Freddie watches Roger go in for a hickey on the girl with a morbid, voyeuristic interest, taking another sip of his drink, “and you know he and Ash aren’t technically exclusive.” 

“Yeah but there’s three options here; Ash finds out and gets pissed and I have to hear about it because apparently now that I know I’m all in on this disaster,” Brian lists on his fingers with a theatricality Freddie had rarely seen from him before, though he’d rarely seen Brian this exasperated before, so perhaps it was merely that, “two, Ash isn’t pissed, sleeps with someone else, and Roger gets pissed because he’s in love with her-”

“Which is unfair, what a tremendous double standard.”

“Yes, we all know Roger’s a hypocrite.” Brian sighed, casting a glance over his shoulder at Roger, before turning back to Freddie.

“And three?” The other man prompted, and Brian picked up his empty pint glass.

“I kill him with this glass because I’m sick of his sulking.” He says bluntly, and Freddie’s all for the third option, but he begrudgingly helps pull Roger away, to which the drummer complains the whole time.

“Where are we going?” Roger demands to know when they head in the opposite direction of his apartment, a sentiment that Brian mirrors, though he doesn’t seem inclined to question Freddie’s direction outright. Freddie always had a plan. The man in question wrapped an arm around Roger’s shoulders.

“You’re going to confront your problems, Rog.” He sounds so decisive, as if it wasn’t a plan he’d come up with as they were leaving the bar, and Roger tries to scramble his way out of it, but Brian’s fed up enough with Roger’s complete inability to do anything but run from his problems that he’s willing to take Roger’s arm in an almost iron grip.

“It’ll do both of us a world of good.” Brian tells him as Roger glowers at his housemate.

“You don’t get to decide what’s good for me; what’s good for me was that girl at the bar, she smelled nice and was about three minutes away from banging me in that bathroom.” Roger snarled, wrenching himself out of their grips, though he didn’t run this time, crossing his arms over his chest as he walked with them.

“Rog, we’re not gonna let you ruin a good-” But Brian’s gentle sigh was cut off by more of the blonde blustering.

“That’s so presumptuous!” He stopped in his tracks, scowling between both of his band-mates. “You’re both wankers, selfish fucking wankers. This is kidnapping.” He snaps.

“Fine; if you want to leave, we’re not stopping you.” Freddie offers, gesturing freely at the path behind them. “We’re just trying to help.” 

Roger stomped the entire walk to Ash’s apartment. 

“What the fuck, guys.” She opens the door with her hair in a messy bun, wearing a pair of sweat pants and a ratty, oversized Beatles shirt. “How did you get in?” 

“Your RA let us in; sorry for the interruption, just had to deliver this idiot.” Brian gave Roger’s shoulder a nudge. Roger is looking at anything but Ash. His latest drink had hit him about the same time as he got to her block, and now that he can smell the vanilla candle she likes to burn in her room just beyond her, he just wants to curl up and go to sleep under her duvet. Or fuck her. He’s not quite sure.

“Can I return to sender?” She asks without hesitation, and Roger rolls his eyes. Freddie shoves him forward.

“No.” 

Ash doesn’t move, just frowns as Roger stumbles into her space, and she’s automatically got a hand on his chest to steady him. Roger doesn’t seem like he’s there completely of his own free will, but he doesn’t move away from her, even as both Brian and Freddie leave, muttering something about him being ‘her problem now’.

“Care to explain?” She asked, gently walking him backwards and closing her door behind herself. The two of them make their way to the common area, and Roger sits up on the kitchen counter as Ash pours him a glass of water.

“Not really.” He said, sipping the water loudly and swinging his legs so his heels kick the cupboards below. Ash looks like the very sight of him exhausts her, but she rests her hands on her thighs, pressing herself against his legs to still them. “We can fuck whoever we want, Ash.” He says, seriously, and he sees the exact moment she realised the reason for his forced meeting, and he watched her expression fall.

“Yeah of course.” She agrees, crestfallen expression turning quickly to faux apathy. “Did you have fun?” But her heart wasn’t in it.

“They pulled me away, brought me here before anything really happened.” He huffed, taking another long sip. Ash stepped away, yawning loudly and sinking into a chair at the dining table. After a beat, Roger hums thoughtfully. “Ash, what do I mean to you?” And it’s so nonchalant it actually hurts Ash a little.

“I think that’s a really shitty thing to ask right now.” Her answer is automatic, she can’t look at him. “And I think you’re drunk.” 

“Ash...” It does register in his mind that he’s said the wrong thing, and it breaks his heart to see her too tired to repress her emotions like she usually would in this situation. Perhaps she assumes he won’t even remember this tomorrow. “Ash, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Yeah, I know.” She says softly. “You’re always sorry, and I’m always sorry, and there’s always someone else that feels like a mistake, even though we don’t technically need to apologise.” Shaking her head, she sighs deeply. “This isn’t the time for this conversation.” She admits, and standing, she takes his hand. “Come to bed, Rog.” 

When they’re back in her room, she pulls off her sweat pants and offers them to him without even thinking about it, and he’s quiet, forlorn when he takes them, changing into the borrowed pyjamas. Ash is already tucked into bed when he turns back, back to him, pressed as close to the wall as she can get with her head pillowed on her hand, not even attempting to co-opt some of the pillow for herself. There’s sewing equipment out, obviously still in use in the corner of her room, a blouse half sewn and still in the machine where it was left when it’s creation had been interrupted by a knock at the door.

When he slides into bed beside her, reaches out to rest a hand on her shoulder - an apology? a reassurance? just a need for human contact? - she shrugs him off, murmurs a quiet ‘don’t’. 

“I panicked.” They’re back to back, and the bedside lamp has been turned off. Roger isn’t even sure if Ash is still awake. He speaks into the silence, made honest by the hour and his inebriation. “You told me you loved me and I panicked.”

“Roger... I never said that.” Ash’s voice was confused in the darkness, and Roger feels like his whole world has fallen out from under him. He’s spent over a week considering whether or not she’d remember; if it had been real, whether she’d really meant it, but he’s never quite sure which answer would hurt more.

“You... were mostly asleep.” He admits, and he can feel the way Ash sighs heavily, the shift of her back against his as she tries not to hear it.

“Wow, imagine what kinky shit you and the girl from the bar would have gotten up to if I’d meant it.” She just sounds tired, as though she was trying to end the conversation, as though she hadn’t just shattered Roger’s heart. After a beat, she laughed humorlessly. “What are we doing, Roger?”

“I think Brian’s right.” And his words are enough to startle a weak laugh from Ash. “I want this to be about more than sex, I think.”

“You’re drunk and panicking; don’t worry, I’ll still work with the band if this goes south.” Ash says. Roger won’t take that, can’t let himself fall into the trap of panicking like he’d already fallen into that night. Turning, Roger presses his lips to the back of her neck, and Ash doesn’t like to think about how good it makes her feel.

“I’m sorry-” He tries, but she cuts him off.

“I heard you the first time.” Voice terse, she crosses her arms awkwardly over her chest. “Roger the idea of being with you fucking terrifies me.” She admits, raw and honest, glad he can’t see how conflicted she was. “You were so worried that I was in love with you that you almost slept with someone else, and for what? Were you worried you were losing control of your life? Didn’t want to be tied down?” Roger’s got an arm on her shoulder, rubbing comfortingly as she speaks, and he can feel her shaking.

“I know I’m not a saint, okay, love?” Roger admits, and Ash takes a long moment to consider his words, leaning back a little into his touch, before answering.

“Neither of us are, Roger, and that’s why what we have is so good right now.” Her voice has softened, and Roger stays quiet. “We can talk about it tomorrow.” She says gently, before reaching to link her fingers with his where he’s got his hand on her shoulder. She pulls him closer, and Roger makes a low hum, pressing a quick kiss to her shoulder.

When the morning comes, things are quiet and golden. Neither one knows what to say to the other, but Ash still gets him a cup of tea in the morning, and when he sees the cup with the little cat face on it, Roger feels something tighten in his chest. 

“Let’s try this, please.” He asks, expression sincere when he looks at where Ash is tucking herself back into bed, pressing herself against his side. The look she gives him is confused, and then it blooms into something hopeful. “I’m not fucking around here, I mean it.”

When she kisses him, her hand is warm where it had been holding her teacup, and she’s smiling against her lips. There’s a tension in her shoulders, and he can’t stop playing her words back over again in his head, ‘the idea of being with you fucking terrifies me’ and it’s clear that feeling hasn’t vanished over night.

But she’s willing to try.

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