#its 1 pm and im so. sleepy .

[bearyyayay]

Got some keychains design for my project :D

For more detailed project you could check my Instagram : bearycool75 ( I post it on my story )

[tetsusgoing]

Really wish it was easier to find out who unfollowed instead of panicking about losing a mutual

[viovio]

don't wanna go to church but they're making me :/

[vyvansecrashing]

im fighting demons. (trying not to take a nap during the day)

[ilovepaigebueckerss]

can we have emily engstler x fem but masc energy reader like- reader is always trying to hit on the girls and trying to rizz them w a masc energy (reader is TALLLL and has some muscles) and when she saw emily for the first time shes like okay im seeing you and she suddenly turns out as a pick me girl trying to get her attention 😭😭 masc energy suddenly disappears and she just wants emily (very random im sorry 💀💀💀)

just an act.

part 1/?

pairing: emily engstler x fem reader

summary: you were a pretty cocky girl. you knew you were fine and you used that as an advantage to flirt with any girl you wanted and you were pretty smooth. this all changes one night when you meet a blonde basketball player.

a/n: okay so like the dates dont match the ACTUAL game dates but js shhhh🤫🤫🤫but anywho i kinda dont like this but yeah. THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING BTW KEEP EM COMING.

word count: 1.1k

__________________________

APRIL 26TH, 1:23 AM

you were at a bar with your friend maddie, taking shots, dancing, and just having fun. you were wearing a short leather skirt with a plain white crop top. (you can imagine whatever you want) you had your hair in a half up half down style and you thought you looked pretty good.

“cmon y/n!!! lets dance” maddie yells to you

you were a few drinks in and already ready to go home. the bar was sweaty and reeked of alcohol. not to mention the loads of guys attempting to get a pass on you.

“you go ahead, i think imma get another drink.” you respond.

she nods and throws you a thumbs up as she walks toward some random dude shes probably gonna forget about tomorrow.

you head over to the bar and order yourself a drink. you noticed the bar tender was oddly attractive. long hair, a septum AND eyebrow piercing. she was wearing a white tanktop with a unbuttoned plaid button up.

one thing about you is, if you think someone is attractive you’re gonna let em know since you were pretty confident.

she came back with your drink and when you grabbed it you made sure to graze your hand against hers.

“thanks” you say.

“welcome” she responds.

“soo.. when did you get into bartending?” you asked. you mentally slapped yourself. ‘really’ you thought ‘couldn’t think of anything better..’ you judge yourself.

she chuckled at your poor attempt to start a conversation.

“2 years ago” she responds, smiling at you. “whats your name?” she asks, continuing the conversation.

“y/n, and you?”

“audrey”

you smile at her taking a sip of your drink observing her features.

“a picture lasts longer you know.” she says snapping you out of your thoughts.

“haha very funny. its not my fault theres an attractive girl standing right in front of me.” you respond slickly

you can see her facial expression changed to a flustered one. ‘im backk’ you thought.

“thanks. your pretty cute yourself” she says. you giggle at her comment “thank you” you say sweetly, still smiling.

maddie comes stumbling towards you. “y/nnn, lets go homeee” she slurs.

“oh my god, let me get her home. it was nice meeting you audrey!” you say grabbing maddie by her waist to keep her stable.

“you too.”

______________________________

APRIL 28TH, 7 AM

“morning” you say to a very sleepy maddie. she just groans in response.

“made you some food!” you say smiling big.

“thanks y/n/n” she responds tiredly. “mhm” you hum in response.

“im so excited! today is the mystics game!!” you practically yell.

_______________________________

APRIL 28TH, 5 PM

you were getting ready for the game making sure to look cute because you didn’t know who you were gonna see.

your rule was ‘always look cute nm where you’re going’ (real)

you were wearing jorts and a random basketball jersey you found on amazon. (again imagine whatever you want) you had big gold hoops on and your hair in a slick back pony with a red bow to match your jersey.

“MADDIEEE” you yelled for your best friend. “LETS GO WE NEEDA MAKE TIKTOKS”

your bestfriend comes running into the room all dolled up.

“AHHHH LOOK AT YOUUUU!!” you yell “looking all fine and shittt” you hype your best friend up.

she sticks her tongue out in response. “BABY LOOK AT YOUUU” she screams.

“mwah” you say making a kissy face.

“okay lemme just put my lip combo on and we good to go” you say excitedly.

________________________________

APRIL 28TH, 6 PM

the game started at 7 but due to your best friend being extra she insisted you got there at 6.

so there y’all were at the game; early as hell.

“okay ill get us our seats, go get the snacks from the car.” you say to her. she nods in response and starts walking off to the exit door.

once you found your seats you sat down and started scrolling on your phone. you notice the players starting to come in and you feel your cheeks get hot. you didn’t realize it would be that embarrassing to be here so early.

the players wave to you and you wave back smiling big. you couldn’t help but notice one blonde with tats. she was FIONEEE and coming your way.

‘shit’ you think.

“hey! thanks for coming to our game.” she says smiling

her voice is husk and you melted just by hearing it.

“oh and i like your jersey” she says raising her eyebrows.

you look down at your jersey and see that the ‘random’ jersey you bought belonged to a fairly attractive blonde basketball player.

“oh uh, thank you.” you respond shyly. you could feel your cheeks getting hot. “and uh of course yeah uh good luck” you say a stuttering mess

“well i got to go! but it was nice meeting you..” she pauses “uh y/n” you say “y/n!” she continues.

she runs off but looks back at you “hey! stay after the game!!” she yells to you.

________________________________

TIME SKIP

the game ended and the mystics won.

you didnt mention to your bestfriend that emily told you to stay after the game.

“hey uhh, so emily engstler wanted me to stay after the game.”

maddies eyes widen “WHAT” she says shocked and then her expression changes.

“and why did you not mention this?” she asks sassily.

“i don’t know but i’m scared” you say honestly. you never had to hide your feelings from maddie.

“girl, GET UP” she yells louder than she intended. “look at youuu” she says spinning you around. you couldn’t help but smile at her antics.

“i love you” you say making a sad face. “yeah yeah now go get your girl!” she says.

“y/n!” you hear a sorta familiar voice call your name.

your knees buckled at the sound of her voice.

“hiii” you say, sounding way too excited. your cheeks get that familiar sensation.

“hey! i just wanted you to stay after the game cause your pretty cute and i was wondering if i could get your insta” she admits.

you almost fainted.

“oh yeah its ‘y/ncantstandyouhoes’” (real)

Emily chuckles after hearing your username

“well i gotta get going but ill text you okay?” she says

“yeah..”

you stand there dumbfounded trying to process what just happened.

________________________________

TIME SKIP

you got home and maddie went straight to bed so you had no one to debrief to.

you decide to just go to bed until you see a notification that makes your knees weak.

‘Emily Engstler followed you!”

[hrtz4alex2211]

One rule

pairing: sub!nate x sls!reader

summary 1: you and your triplet older brothers (nick matt and chris) have always been close, they have always respected your wishes and let you do what you want as you were an adult now. but they had one rule. dont. fuck. their. best. friend. but rules were never ment to be followed…

summary 2: it was finally your birthday, the day you have been wating for, your finally 21!! your older siblings throw a party for you constantly reminding you of their one rule. dont have sex with their best friend, nathan doe.

A/N: this is my first fan fic ever so if it suck im sorry.😭 and sorry for the 2 summarys i couldnt chose one bc they both are good😭 this will be 2-3 parts depending on the ending looks like for this fic

warnings: SMUTTTT, cursing, getting caught, crying, physical fighting, panic attack, mentions of alcohol, and probably more

"Y/N HURRY UP!" you hear your eldest brother nick call up to you as you finish up your no make up make up look. "IM COMING JEEZ NICK BEING A GIRL IS HARD Y'KNOW!" you scoff as you say that, putting your shoes on running down stairs where your 3 brothers wait looking at their phones.

"ahem im here lets gooooo" you cough out as they all look up at you and start walking "took you long enough.." chris mumbles earning a smack on the arm from you.

-

about twenty minutes later you arrive at the airport to pick up 2 of your best friends, madi and nate. you've had the biggest crush on nate since as long as you can remember but you have never told anyone but madi. when you finally see the two emerge from the crowds at the airport you run up to them.

"MADI! NATE! AHHHH!!!" you scream as you wrap your arms around both their necks for about 30 seconds before you pull back and look both of them in the eye

"well hello to you too then" nate laughs "hi Y/n/n!!! its been so long" madi says picking up the bag she dropped from seeing you and loading it into the back of the mini van. nate does the same stacking his bag on top of madi's and putting his backpack on top.

you all start to pile into the mini van after small talk but slowly realizing there wont be enough room for the four of you to fit in the back. "shit where am i gonna sit?" you say looking at matt who is sitting in the front seat waiting as everyone buckles up but you. he shrugs when you hear nate say "sit on my lap itll be fine." you look up at him with an eye brow cocked up.

"no ill be to heavy. ill sit on the floor its fine!" you say starting to crawl into the vans floor "no y/n thats dangerous. just sit on my lap ill live you weigh practically nothing!" nate says as you roll your eyes and finally agree to this decision, as you close the door. you wiggle around on nates lap to make yourself comfortable. you hear him grunt as you finally find a comfortable position and lean back in his chest.

"whats wrong, am i too heavy?" you ask looking back at nate. "no your fine just getting myself comfortable too!" he says smiling his warm smile at you as matt hits a speed bump making nate grunt again but this time you ignore it leaning back on nate's chest and slowly falling asleep to the sound of small chatter floating around the car.

-

when you wake up you find a sleeping madi and you in new clothes with no make up. madi must have changed you and taken off your make up after you fell asleep in the car. you get up and go downstairs checking the time on your phone 11:37 PM you read as you groaned rubbing your eyes as you make your way to the kitchen already seeing a light on. you walk into the kitchen to find a snacking nate at the island, you giggle as you walk over to your fridge and grab a small yogurt cup.

"hello sleepy head" nate says looking at you through his lashes as he takes a bite from the cereal bowl in-front of him. you walk over and sit next time him setting your yogurt and spoon down as you look into his eyes "hello pretty boy" you whisper, a smirk threatening to spread across your face as you see his eyes widen from the nickname he hasn't heard you use in months.

"ive missed you y/n.." he says as he looks at your lips then back to your eyes, you doing the same. "ive missed you too nate" you smile at him and you jsyt stare into each others eye before the buzz of your phone breaks the trance. its nick. you groan opening the message.

from : nicky pooh 11:41 why are you up i see the kitchen like on

you laugh as you type a response

to : nicky pooh 11:41 i got hungry, snacking with nate. sorry to wake you we'll be in bed soon promise

from: nicky pooh 11:42 fine, make it quick im tired and that light is bright shining through my door. love u 🫶🏼

to : nicky pooh 11:43 lol sucks to have a broken door dont it, love u to🫶🏼

"sorry about that." you chuckle putting the phone down and looking back at nate who looks like his eyes never left your face. you turn to open ur yogurt are you are actually hungry, making nate do the same to finish off his cereal as you devour the yogurt in 6 big spoon fulls. you both get up at the same time him making his way to the sink and you to the trash, he puts his bowl and spoon in the sink as you throw away the yogurt container and walk over the nate leaning on the sink.

you lean really close to nate looking up at him slightly as you place your spoon in the sink. your stomach slightly grinding against his crotch making him groan. you lightly gasp as you feel his growing hard-on press into your stomach. you back up taking nates hand and dragging him to the guest room where he will be staying making sure to close and lock the door as you walk over to the boy pushing him down on the bed as you climb onto him so your straddling him

"fuck y/n what a-are you d-doing?" he asks worried about nick matt and chris. you can see it in his face thats what hes scared about. "im doing what you clearly want." you say palming his growing erection getting a loud whimper from nate. you push a hand over his mouth. "shhhh we dont want my brothers or madi to hear do we now?" you say earning a frantic head shake from nate as you begin to fiddle with the waist band of his pajamas pants soon after pulling them down as he starts to take your top of leaving you in your bra before you hear a small knock at the door startiling you both as you quickly pull your top back on and him pulling up his pants as you both stand up.

"yo nate!" chris says before he jiggles the locked handle. "whys the door locked? bro let me in!" chris says jiggling the door more as you run and hide behind the desk thats set up in the corner of the room.

"sorry forgot to unlock it after i got changed earlier, whats up?" nate says before looking over at you quickly and back to chris. "me and matt are going on a late night drive you coming? im asking y/n and madi after you." chris says, nate eyes widen. "s-sure uh i can ask the girls if you want to head downstairs, i need to piss anyway." nate says looking over at you again for a second then looking back at your brother

"alrights sounds cool, see you downstairs soon?" chris says walking away and pointing at nate "you got it!" nate says as he slightly closes the door and looks at you. "you down to go for a drive?"nate says pointing at the door "fuck yea i am!" you say standing up running to your room slowly opening the door to see a dead asleep madi "i guess madis not coming!" you say pulling on a hoodie and changing your shorts into long pajama pants.

"fine by me" nate responds walking out the room and down the steps as you follow close behind. after you guys drove around for awhile you went back home and all parted ways to you room. seeing as you had to get stuff ready for tomorrow, your big birthday party!

a/n reallllyyyyy long first chapter so sorry but next will be shorter ish and better i promise! i was also crying at myself while writing this it was so bad so hope you enjoyed😭😭

tags: @k4tixzz @hysteria-things @lovingmattysposts

[starrybl1ss]

Enchanting secrets

part 2!

read part 1 here!

<> warnings: smut, fingering, swearing <> timeline: after the yule ball and n.e.w.t.s (lmk if u wanna see a fic abt the dance!)

★

Your now all sweaty from the dance at the great hall. you have a lot of fun with ellie. everybody now knows that you and ellie are together since you two couldnt resist the urge to make out infront of people.

Your all so tired from it but it isn't even midnight yet! "els, can we go back? my legs hurt and im sleepy" you slightly pout at her hoping for a yes.

"yeah sure, do you want me to bring you there?" you nod.

Dina catchs you exiting the great hall and ran up to you. "already leaving?" she asks. "s'too tired" dina nods and went back.

★

You arrive infront of the fat lady painting. "ellie, could you stay?" you ask her. "am i allowed to?" she smiles. "from yes, from the school i dont know. but please?" you ask her again

"are the juniors in bed?" she asks. "its 11 pm ellie, they are" you answer. "alright".

"fibbergibbet" you whisper as the painting opens. "shhh..." you whisper to ellie as you two went in and got to your part of the dorm. "so who do you share a room here with?" she asks "Dina, yara and marie- hey, do you mind if i change my clothes?"

"y-yeah i don't mind" she replied. she sits down on your bed waiting for you as you grabbed your pyjamas and slowly took off your dress leaving on your bra and underwear.

ellie couldn't help staring at you like a freak. she cant get your eyes off you. you put on your pants and the shirt.

before you could button your shirt ellie stands up. "you look really pretty" she smiles. "yeah?" you chuckle.

she walks towards you and grabs your chin. she kisses you again, pushing you on the bed. "ellie- lock the door" you mumble as she goes towards the door and locks it.

she pins you down the bed holding both your hands and kisses your lips and neck. "bloody hell-" she pulls down your pants leaving your pretty lacy underwear and your unbuttoned shirt revealing your white bra.

"i get to have you right?" she smirks as you nod. she traces her fingers on your stomache moving down slowly and grabs the lining of your panties.

"sh-shit.." you groan as she slips her hands down your cunt feeling her skin on you. "its fucking wet" she she chuckles a bit. she slips in one of her fingers in you.

"oh blimey-!" you groan out. "s' so tight" she said curling her fingers in. "nghhh- ellieee, s'too much!" you cry out. "really?" she teases you.

"hold up els- its almost midnight! bloody hell! they'll be back soon!" you said. "i better go, s'kay if i leave you?" you nod. "maybe the sorting hat has spoken that i belong to you" she said with a wink. "shut up ellie, your so cheesy" you giggled.

she kisses you on the forhead and walks to the door. she looks back "get dressed and sleep alright?" you nod smiling as she unlocks the door and left.

★

you couldn't sleep. its 12.15 already. you hear a sudden comotion not far from where you are. they're back already. the door opens as you saw dina and 2 others enter.

"hey, you aren't asleep? thought i'd be back with you snoring!" dina says. "n-no, i cant sleep" you reply. "because of that bloody slytherin quidditch captain huh?- is that a hickey?" dina spots bruises on your neck.

blimey, how are you going to explain it now?

★

OMG SORRY IF ITS SO SHORT!!! ANYWAYS HOPE U LIKED IT&lt;3

[nutzworth]

DAY 3: JANUARY 5, 2024

STATS: read for ~40 minutes (meager) pages read: 760-830. 70 pgs. meager slur count: 4 + 2 = 6. jade narration (r slur), dave (f slur). silly count: 3 + 7 = 10. all jade narration piss count: 1/3 (still)

THOUGHTS: all jade stuff today i didnt have a lot of time to read. small amounts of thoughts

i really like jades fetch modus (I LOVE GAME!!!) and i like her pictures on her wall theyre so BRIGHT and furry!

pa harley lore... im a sucker for guardians. im a sucker for the alphas. i cant help myself. hes stewing in his own intensity and charisma... jake IS intense and charismatic.... he invented the WINDOWS!

fosmf mentioned jade eating a bug on my first post; i got to that part. i wonder if she actually ate that bug and didnt care or if thats just a part of her running-with-wolves fantasy she was engaged in on that page. i wonder if it was in the fantasy and supposed to show that when she is a wolf she wouldnt care about eating bugs anymore, she wouldnt care about anything. or maybe im overthinking this stupid line

INSANE that jades atom symbol could have so EASILY been anything else like a leaf or a pumpkin if the audience voted different.... just absurd.

dave messaging jade at literally 11 pm her time and being like "damn are you seriously sleeping again" brother shes #1 sleepy girl and its the middle of the NIGHT! COME ON!!!! of course shes not awake. also same log as daves fursona akwete purrmusk or whatever. god that guy sucks

i wanted to read more but you know. it happens. see you next time

[yasminealameddine]

• Daily Post - Thursday May 16 •

Taylor Swift song quote of the day: "Sometimes I wonder, when you sleep. Are you ever dreaming of me?" - "Delicate"

Rating: 1.5/10 (SO SLEEPY)

Sleep: 0 hours

Food:

breakfast: none

lunch: spicy tuna roll from the drey

dinner: Chipotle

Daily Agenda:

got no sleep im so tired idk if imma function today

had zoom class at 9:30AM and we had a quiz... but its okay bc i slayed

cried for a little

had a 3 HR lab :(( but it was okay and i finished a lil early

got Chipotle in westwood with friends and im so excited to sleep later

JP update:

Today, Jocibear had grilled cheese and tomato soup from Kerckhoff (very yummy). She is also currently running on 1 hour of sleep. :((

[Time Stamp: 11:05 PM]

[planetary]

my sleep schedule makes perfect sense if i just don’t mention AM or PM.

i go to sleep between 9:30 and 11 but sometimes i stay up til 1 or 2 (BAD)

alarm is set for 8:30 on work days and 11 on days i have off but sometimes i wake up at 6 and just cant fall back to sleep or i randomly wake up at 2 and fuck around on my phone til i KO again

i always get kinda sleepy around 3 or 4 but i can push thru… unless the blanket beckons me too strongly

like it makes sense its just that im nocturnal so im waking up at 8:30/11pm and going to sleep around 9:30/11am

[hatsunerandal]

part two of playlist analysis!!

pt 1 <;-

lets get right back into it!!

moving in place - shauna dean cokeland hc that lockwood was pretty fucking reckless after jess dies-before george showed up and did. very dangerous things.

summertime sadness - lana del rey just before lucy left, at the door, lockwood trying to get her not to leave.

star shopping - lil peep (for more context, i have a slight obsession with the stars and the stars mean more than the world to me) SHES LOCKWOODS STARS SHES LOCKWOODS STARS SHES LOCKWOODS STARS WAILS SOBS SCREAMS SHOUTS ARFURFSDFJGK

scott pilgrim vs my gpa - mom jeans ...am i allowed ot say lockwoodcore again.

cherry wine - hozier GOT ANOTHER HOZIER SONG BOYS. its so soft. theyre sitting in bed at night after a particularly bad panic attack and lucy is stroking his hair as cherry wine plays. 

brian is the most beautiful - memo boy sleepy trance-ish vibe sort of thing dont ask idk it just. vibes

over population at the end of everything is less of a worry, haha ('a letter to you' from mother 3') - no love in the house of gold idk sad vibes you do with this what you want.

wasteland, baby - hozier OMOMWOMWOWOMOWOMOMWM beloved theyre so cute and in love shes brushing his hair as they get ready in the morning they are in love.

cdbaby <3 - chloe moriondo i had too. lockwood bumping ts the first night lucy is there and george is telling him to stfu bc hes to loud and its 10 pm.

el manana - gorillaz more lockwood being sad bc lucy is gone :(

november has come - gorillaz tbh this one should be in a george playlist i just feel like hed like this song

i really wanna stay at your house - rosa walton, hallie coggins locklyle reminds me so much of lucy and david (cyberpunk edgerunners) so they get the lucy/david song <3

luna moth - maya hawke lucy feels like shes ruined the group dynamic after she joined the company :(

tongues & teeth - the cranewives oh lordy lord lord i have many words to say and none of them will be coherent. EORROUFUFH this is such a lockwood song you dont understand hes so afraid of being close to people. hes horrible afraid of letting lucy in because hes afraid kipps is right and she'll leave. hes so afriad i love him dearly hes so me (im projecting) 

tv - billie eilish god lucy feels so useless and worthless. she ruined the teams dynamic as soon as she showed up. the repetition of 'maybe im the problem' at the end is her talking to herself in the shower

something in the orange - zach bryan god theyre so stupid and sad i love them i miss them dearly thats all u get thank u  genesis - grimes they are walking around at night. they should not be. genesis ensues. great - mccafferty uh oh mccafferty time be prepared (i do not support nick!!) god this song is so lockwood hes so insecure and sad. he thinks hes alone. PLOT TWIST lucy is outside his door also crying because she can hear his cries. throat - mccafferty mmm what if i just [hands lockwood (slight) substance abuse problems] kill me for this if youd like but i just. i think he. gasoline. - mccafferty song told from lucy's pov, why you ask? 'when your sister died/that changed everything' HRMST unforgiveable curse #3 - mccafferty 'im useless without her/i hope that i dissolve' LOCKWOOD YOU SILLY MOTHER FUCKER YOU ARE VALUED BY MORE PEOPLE THAN JUST LUCY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD cotton candy - mccafferty 'im so lovely/at making destructive decisions' the entirety of l&co ^ graveyard - mccafferty idk why just. lucy after the teams death vibes (the team being the team in her home town w norrie and thems. witchcraft - mccafferty ok ik the song. is not fluffy vibes but idk idk it just gives me fluffy locklyle cuddle vibes dont ask why because i am unable to answer. lights are on - tom rosenthal oh my god just imagine lucy walking past portland row after she left, staring into lockwoods window. hes there too. its to dark for her to see him but they make eyecontact before she briskly turns and walks in the other direction and lockwood just starts crying. cocaine jesus - rainbow kitten surprise same thing as lights are on maybe a slightly different font maybe its george who knows [shrug] sweet tooth - maya hawke bfs, even gfs if you will (yes im talking about a technically het couple, what about it?) mike walton - basement version - adjust the sails hrmrhrhff lockwood sitting in the basement pretending to be filing things WRONG hes crying :) romantic homicide - d4vd LITERALLY JUST THE FIRST LINE IS SO LOCKWOOD 'im scared/feels like you dont care' LOCKWOOD LOCKWOOD LOCKWOOD LOCKWOOD LOCKWOOD thats all u get ty call it fate, call it karma - the strokes 'can i waste your time here on the sidewalk?' KIPPS THAT YOU??? nah this song is lockwood watching kipps and lucy talk on the sidewalk and is just like ??????????WHAT bathtub - the front bottoms YOU WILL NOT tell me this isnt anthony lockwood. you cant. i will go more in depth of this anyone asks. i mean anyone a single person can be slightly interested and i will do it. car lights - james marriott oh how fittes at 50 ball of them. i will not elaborate jim bogart - the front bottoms 'i would sleep better on your floor than i would ever in my bed' alright lockwood PACK IT UP YOU PATHETIC SIMP stupid for you - waterparks this time its LUCY being a simp PLOT TWIST lockwood may be a pathetic man but lucy is a pathetic woman they are so cute together my little squishy scrungles dark beach - pastel ghost hes sleeping on her chest and shes calmly braiding his hair fight me theyre so cute i love them riptide - vance joy yea i added riptide what about it. theyre so in love i love them theyre so cute sobs hes so in love shes so in love theyre so <33333 kids - mgmt GUESS WHAT ITS ANOTHER SONG ABOUT THEM BEING CHILDREN IN A TERRIBLE WORKPLACE tire swing - kimya dawson cozy breakfast vibes. lucy is singing lockwood and george are whistling. george is also cooking because lockwood isnt trusted near an oven after the careless whisper incident the 30th - billie eilish yall. yall remember when lockwood got shot. yea that. no surprises - radiohead is this self explanatory. orbitron - duster guess whos having a breakdown? ITS LUCY THIS TIME MF MWAHAHHAHAH. she is breaking down in the shower. oopsie. part 3 coming shortly :)

[lqfiles]

hiii thank u for your kind words :( yesterday i fell asleep hoping u would answer cause i really like reading ur responses so i fell asleep at like 2am and i have volleyball practice at 9AM on saturdays, so i was SO sleepy i put my alarm in the calculator 😐😐😐😐 not funny did not laugh, anyways R didn’t go to volleyball practice and hasn’t talked to J yet, she does speak to me so i guess me yelling at her didnf psis her off as much as i thought it would, M never texts in our gc 😒😒 but its okay we love her, A talks to me too, its just between J and R that things are kinda… tense.

aw thank u so much :( im sorry if i don’t know how to take compliments bc i dont personally think im cute, but hearing u say it so many times makes it easier for me to be confident about it 🫶🏻🫶🏻 so thanks! i do find you to be really cute (and VERY funny) too !!!

also 2 week long holiday??? THATS GREAT im really happy for you!! how are you doing w school? any test or projects you’re working on? i still don’t understand this whole college thing… is it something u do during junior and senior year? or after you graduate?

also jisung is my bf and all but chenji overrated asf imo… people will focus on popular ships and turn their head away from a duo like markmin… i personally really like jaemin and hyuck’s dynamic too but anyways o did vote for markmin !! at least lqfiles appreciates them 🙏🏻

ps why does everyone think yn and mark are having sex??? 🤔

- 🐣 anon again…

HELLOOO i’m so happy to see you’re active here omg i hope you’re studying tho, DONT SPEND TOO MUCH TIME ON HERE

i’m sorry if my response was late i normally only reply when it’s 11 pm here because i post at 12 😣 i also never knew you did volleyball WTFFF that’s so cool, i wish i was talented in a sport.. i mean i can skate well but that isn’t rlly a sport. IM HAPPY THAT IT DOESNT SEEM TO BE TOO BAD WITH YOUR FRUENDS tho i hope those other two will come around and stop making things so awkward 😭

LOLLL i’m sorry if me calling you cute bothers you btw it’s just that i always awe at your messages so i instinctively call you cute </3 i’m so you tho because i truly don’t know how to take compliments either, i always get shy, especially when it’s irl lmao but thabk you for thinking i’m cute and funny IM VERY HAPPY RN!!!!:D

school is almost finishing and i just submitted my last coursework for the school year so rn my class is just kinda doing anything! idk about other colleges but since i go to college in the UK we don’t do junior stuff and all, instead we have levels and (level 1,2,3) and here you can apply based on how good your grades are (if they were really good you can immediately start in level 3, if not you start lower) i’m currently doing level 3 year 1 (level 3 has two years over here) but i’m still figuring out if i wanna do this next year or just apply for an apprenticeship (basically getting education while also getting work experience)

CHENJI ARE CUTE BUT SO OVERRATED LIKE they barely interact and if they do it’s so little (imo) i’m more of a markmin girl because of the way mark treats jaemin, like jaemin is the same age as 00 so he treats them like friends but with mark he literally becomes a baby and it’s so cute i fucking love it IM SUCH A HUGE MARKMINIST YOU DONT GET IT, ITS MY BRAND, i should do a dream pair ranking tbh. THANO YOU FOR VOTING MARKMIN i think they lost regardless because they went against chenji (WHICH ISNT FAIR….) i love a bit of nahyuck too, not my fave pair but they’re funny tgt!!

I WISH I LJEW WHY EVERYONE THINKS SO guys pls if they were i would insinuate it more but laughing around and her asking to hang and her directly saying they only kiss.. COME ON…

[lizzieblabbers]

octobery bery long ????

so remember the vacation entry i promised to post?? well... in my defense, tho, life came in the way and i had to prioritize urgent big girl stuff so i really had no time to sit down in front of my laptop and recall all my province memories

but it's sitting sa drafts na, will not set a date anymore, it'll just... be up

so anyway

october was so long wtf hHASDHADHA

tODAY'S THE TENTH AND I FINALLY FOUND THE WORDS EHEHEHEH (see cleaning is the key)

so, october, to put it simply, is challenging yet rewarding. (big words from a big girl lyke me 8D *winks*

as i've mentioned in my previous post, i hadn't really had much time to kool down from the province high because i needed to be the adult that i am as soon as i arrived. it did not help that the professors had already started discussions and of course with those are activities with deadlines that were sooner than i had expected.

now, i really meant it when i said that october was sooooooo looong. or was it because i had too much on my plate that i barely had the time to rest and let time pass by? either way, it was the longest month i had this year because a lot was going on.

first week of october, i had to go somewhere, ALONE, without any idea of what am i gonna do there.

OKAY I HAVE TO STOP HERE its ten pm and i am fucking sleepy (yeah it be like that sometimes) im gonna continue this tomorrow

hi today's the day after tomorrow and wtf am i doing with my life

i have decided not to pursue the vacation post because i felt like i have already said enough about it in my previous entries (albeit trying to tone it down for, well, the said separate entry) and i think it would just be redundant??? idk, im messed up like that

ANYWAY OCTOBER

so much has happened this past month that i can't really keep track of everything. october taught me a lot of lessons which i guess i can generally apply to all aspects of my life.

for one, it taught me that life isn't and will never be black and white. there are tons of gray areas existing that we should maybe look at and examine its relevance and how it affects each of us. not saying we should always justify everything, but you know... it wouldn't hurt to have another approach to life

anyhoo why am i getting all wisdom-y word-y here, im not that smart

my october mainly revolved on school and adulting responsibilities, alongside some realizations. as for school, it took me a while to adjust to the new academic year because there has been a lot of necessary changes for a less-stressful semester but all in all i'm fine now and already on the process of hooking myself back up to how i was before the vacay.

as for adulting responsibilities, well... october 2023 is when i first received a salary for doing something!!! yay :D immediately put it in a savings account and stopped myself from buying unnecessary stuff because i really want to practice this until i already have a job (FUCK THIS ADULT THING IS GETTING REALER ANY MINUTE) and as much as possible, save save save because i know im gonna need a lot if i want to sleep peacefully at night

guess that's the highlight of my month? won't dwell too much on the negative shits because (1) i can't really remember them aotm, and (2) i don't want to remember them anymore

in case of a relapse, however, i would definitely head straight here and let out everything i think about

THAT'S IT FOR OCTOBER, THANK YEW

bubhyYEE

[xxfangz]

☆ ፧ 09/23/23 # SATURDAY, first day of fall 🍂

tw's : hints at illness — all photos are mine :)

[ 9:38 pm ]

i just woke up and now i have to get ready to go clean at my moms house with my grandparents. i gotta get dressed

i got dressed and now im waiting on my grandma to get here. im going to stand my ground with them if they try to pry for things or have me stay with them while still being nice. my dad said he wants to dye a streak in my hair tonight and honestly if he wants to dye my hair i think i should go all out :3

[ 11:22 pm ]

im cleaning rn :) my room at my moms is so bare and its sad to see but i have to let it go,, i get a sandwich soon i think! but idk alot of emotions at once but im getting alot done, and i got to see my dog!! hes so sweet :) i can tell hes missed me. hopefully ill dye my hair soon but idk im very overly anxious rn

[ 12:28 pm ]

i just had lunch and now im getting tired all of a sudden but i have to cleann ughhh. and i cant go back to my dad's until after dinner with my grandparents :) i may see if i can go on a walk to wake myself up!

[ 1:38pm ]

i went on a walk then saw my mom, shes not doing any better. im so tired and feel awful but i have to clean, pack, and have dinner at my grandparents before i go home :/ but ill try and get over with as quick as possible lol

[ 3:58 pm ]

i woke up from a nap then went to my grandparents house :) theyre starting dinner YAY! im going to draw until dinners ready, eat, then go home!

[ 6:46 pm ]

i had dinner about 5pm and now im back at my dads and we're starting to work on my room!! im so excited :) im gonna get my hair dyed professionally soon!! i think.. i hope. LOL im just nervous about my grandparents seeing my hair and getting pissy but blehhhhhh. IM SO EXCITED THOUGH ILL DEFINITELY SHOW IT WHEN I GET IT DONE.

[ 8:41 pm ]

WW GOT PAINT AND STUFF TO MAKE SHELVES AND THENN PICKED UP DINNER!! im so excited yet so tired so im having a coke (-a-cola) !!!! i think we're doing one wall tonight then the rest tomorrow :3 ill attatch photos of what we get done

[ 12:15 am ]

okay im going to bed im soooooo sleepy omg. my dad actually painted two walls tonight :) i only helped a little but it still made me so sleepy.

GOODNIGHT / GOOD MORNING! THANK YOU 4 READING !! * all photos posted here are by me

[pineavley-blog]

TODAY ITS MY BIRTHDAY #lifeupdate7

halooo! when writing this updates im currently laying in bed at my posko kkn! TODAY WAS A LIT brooo and rn badan gue remuk seluruh badan

1. i woke up at 6 pm (tbh it was 5.30 when my alarm is ringing but im too sleepy lol) LANGSUNG SOLAT SUBUHHHHHHH cause it is too late honestly.

2. im preparing my self, pack some things that still unpackeddd trus clean the room before leaving them </3 IM SO SAD NOBODY CAN TOUCH ME

3. trusss i went to atm buat tarik duit and finding apotek, mom told me to buy diapet cuz my diarrhea last day BUT IM HEALTHY RN. anyway apotek enggak ada yg buka bjir jd kaga jd beliii. I ALSO WENT TO LAUNDRY TO ngembaliin cd nyasar anjing jujur jijik dikit but im the one who packed those sempak NANGIS

4. pas balij rumah nyempetin cek hp and replying to some friends hegehehheheh JUJUR SEHARIAN HPKU RAME trims all.

5. mandiii trs siap2 pergiiiiiiii aaaaa i was so nervous cuz posko blm dibagi and idk people that i will live together

6. on the way gor unhas i met bapak2 driver who oversharing and talk too much. i enjoyed at first 5 minutes but when time goes on i felt......he is so weird.....anyway i paid 50k for jasa gocar

7. in gor finally i met adzany and alfira my bffssss i love them so muchh they're so kind and they wait for meee. welma bought me yotta before i go and rayan also came to nganter kita sblm naik buss

8. THE BUS WAS SO IN FIRE FUXKKKKK LEBIH MIRIP ANGKOT COKK MANA DUIT UKT GW 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡 i sit with random person and she is on call bjir gabisa gw ajak ngobrol

9. sampai di kantor bupati i met my maros pwk friends hehehe and talked to them <<333 at the end ada pembagian posko trsss yah guys i dont even 1 posko with pute THEY ARE SO CRUEL WHY U LIKE THIS PAK MUKTII

10. gue kenalan (lagi) sama aul and alya hehehe cantik2 ya temen gwww trs kita bareng2 nungguin mobil dari pak desa MANA MOBILNYA LAMA

11. pak rw take us to posko yg punya nenek2 huhuu stay healthy nekk. honestly i dont really like this place tp bersykur lah daripada byar kan u gapunya duit

12. OIYA GW JD BENDAHARA

13. skrg temen2 lg bkin logo DUH GW NGANTUK

14. tadi krn blm masak and all jadi beli nasgor di abang2 yg cm 300 m dari rumah hehehe ya porsi banyak tp ga terllau enak harga 15k

15. dan skrg gw udh ga tahan tp mau bales chat

16. thank youuu this is birthday ever. honestly this is was my busier day after a long time. im twenty two. i got ucapan for my friends and the pray and talk good things for me. i met new friends. my old and college friends support me. my mom chatting me for the whole time hehe i know she is worried. thank you.

foto dump for today <3 (last pict some kkn tips for ka bams 😱😋)

[manifesting-mari]

Morning Pages 1/20/2023

I usually do my morning pages after my meditation and prayers, but today  the voices in my head are so loud that i wanna let them talk. Theres a part of me thats starting to worry, just like 1%, that im undiagnosed and should be seeking some kind of mental health help. And i do have a therapist, but id ont have the money right now to pay for an appointment. I feel very much ungrounded and in my head. Maybe this is why meditation is so important. It allows me to connect with my body and not be swimming with all the thoughts inside of me. I really feel very cerebral right now. It could also be that i dont have cannabis. I do have canna bis but in edible form, i wonder what it would be like to take an edible before my meditation and prayers.

Its a nice day today. Im thinking about taking an edible and going to my meditation and prayers at the beach. Or maybe i’ll do my meditation and prayers at home and then just go for a walk. It si friday today, so i’d like to make sure that i’m not on the roads by 3 pm today. I dont wanna be in any traffic. 

I can feel so many thoughts swimming around in my head that i cant really land on just one. The one thats coming forward is this version of myself that wants to do things and be productive, whose value is placed in her ability to show accomplishments. But theres another one holding her hand. It the part of me that knows that in the grand scheme of things the accomplishments and productivity are not definitions of the value I have as a person. I was gonna type that they dont matter, but in a way they do. I want to feel productive and accomplished in certain areas of my life because it helps me feel better and brings me closer to a version of myself that is able to enjoy life more fully. 

I think about all the different things im into right now. Pole, tarot, comedy. I feel like there’s something there that wants to be integrated all together. I keep getting this inkling that i need to mix my comedy and psychic abilities. Maybe i just need to try things and let them grow. I’m grateful I can be weird and do things people dont expect. I know in my heart that i’m doing something that no one else has done before. I know i\that i am a connection to this divine creation and its speaking through me. Maybe i need to do less manipulation and more surrender. Ahhhh the surrender part is always scary for me. I have a hard time trusting. Trusting myself, trusting the universe. I wonder what can help me with these trust issues.

I’m also noticing now the part of me that feels tired. It feels drained and wants more sleep. I went to be around 1:30 and woke up at 8. Thats 7 hrs. Maybe i need more. The feeling i have now is the same sleepy feelings i get in some of my lucid dreams. When im moving around in my dream but still feel so tired. I think that means theres n=more subconmcious rest and healing that needs to be tended to. 

Im nto sire what i’m tying now but i’m just letting myself types. Idk. i enjoy typing and writing. I think i have some interesting shit to say. Like, i’d buy my own album. Maybe thats why no one is about my shit. Am i even about my shit. I am. I’m really about me. I stand for me and i’d go to bat for me. I see me and i have so much more compassionf or myself now than i did before. I see the ways i am doing my goddamn best and i am proud of the work i’m doing. I’m grateful to have amazing people in my life to point that all out to me. I’m grateful to be able to be myself in my fullest expression, whatever that means. I get to be exactly who i am now. What a privilege. I get tp be authentic and real and honest with myself and with others. If i’m not sure or if i dont know i wont lie or i wont tell stpories to seem more interesting. If i catch myself starting to embellish i’;ll stop and take a beat and think, is this a real thing i want to share or do i just wanna amke myself seem more whatever in order for people to like me

I liek being liked. Its the validation for me. I need to remind myself that i am valued for my aiuthticity and honesty. I am valued for my honesty and realness. Thats what i like about myself. I want to become softer. I wnat to be less aggressive and be softer and more patient and loving with myself and others. Allow myself to be imperfect. Allow myself to be. Even when writing this i wanna go back and edit it. Fix all the grammar mistakes and mispellings. But i’m trying not to. I wanna let this just be. Just let the mistakes happen. Feel the crunchiness in all of it. See where i can be more present and more grounded in this experiment we call life. 

To be honest, thirty years feels liek a lot and a little at the same thing. Like when you think about it, for the first like 2 to 4 years youre not even conscious. Like, there are no memories at all. And from 4 - 10 youre still trying to get all the social and motor skills to be a basic human being. And then from 11-25 youre body is changing and growing and you have all these hormones and things are constantly and quickly shifting. And then your late 20’s hit an dyoure finally waking up to what being a human adult is and feels like. So you hit your thirties and its liek youre a toddler again. Especially in a spiritual and emotional sense, i feel like i’m just getting the hang of this shit. 

I keep hearing from my older firends that 40 is much more fulfilling and enjoyable than your 30’s. And that how i feel about my 30’s compared to my 20’s. And maybe thats just because i have people in my life who live very intentionally. I think its time for me to start living inteltionally. I intend to live a healing life filled with growth and expansion. I intend to live a life where integration and compassion are the foundation of my relationship with myself and others. I intend to live a life that facilitates joy and creativity. When i types the growth and expansion thing, i felt something inside of me. I felt a part of me thats scared of expansion. Thats scared to take on responsibility. That doesnt trust myself to treat this new things with intentionality and care. Maybe its the growth and expansion i dont need right now. Maybe i intend to live a healing life filled with compassiona nd joy. That feel really good. An di think the growth and expansion is a side effect of the compassion.

I’ve been using these words a lot, especially compassion. Simply because i never really felt that from myself. I could see how other people were compassionate with me, but i was still in the oppressed and oppressor mode within myself. Any part of me that feels oppressed will be embraced with love and care. Any part of me that wants to fight and be aggressive will be embraced with love and care. I am grateful these parts of me are here. The oppressed part deeply empathizes with the pain in the world and inspired grounded me to make choices where i can shift away from those cycles and instead place more love and healing into the world. The aggressive part of me sees the important of standing in my truth and not feeding back into the negative cycles. I forgive the parts of me that fed into the cycles. I forgive the parts of other that feed into the cycles. We are all coping. 

It hurts when i choose to be compassionate and i meet with someone who is in their aggression. I can empathize with the aggression, but choos enot to act on it. I would usually act on it. I still do have some repressed anger that has difficulty coming forward. Or maybe i’m just not really an angry person. When i am honest and authentic and i speak my truth and i have people around me who can hold space and validate my feelings, the aggression is able to be massaged out, rather than exploding like it did in the past. I am ashamed that that happened but i have so miucih love for those parts of me that didnt know any better.

Now i know better. Now i know my body is truly in charge. My nervous system hold the key to lots of these mysteries about myself. I wanna grab that book, the body keeps the score. I can fele the tension around my neck and body. I think there is guilt that is still stored there. I can feel the energy reserves around my stomach and neck. Its like my body developed these storage units to safe the energy for when i truly need it, and maybe it now. Maybe now is the time i truly need to start transmuting the energy in my stomach into something else. 

Im looking forward to my meditation and prayers now. Im gonna do them at home cause its so comfy in my bed right now. What am I transmuting? That will be the question. And i wonder if i need to be conscious of the transmuting. Will my body do it by myuselkf and iu need to just give it rest, care, and compassion. My body heals itself, i am the facilitator. How do i facilitate this healing? What space do i need? What food do i need? What do i need to provide myself to facilitate the healing. I just need to be present for myself and be present for my experience. What i am feeling and what i am going through is real and valid and i understand that i cannot force or change the path i’m on. That is unsustainable. I am the one to bring ease and joy into the work that my body knows it needs to do. I am grateful to know myself in this way. I want my body to be strong and healthy so we can keep facilitation for ourselves and in the future, for others.