#its 2 am and im having a moment im sorry | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

77ngiez-archive · 4 months

Text

21 / 15

closeups under cut

some closeups

#77ngiez.txt #pafl #sanya kazarina #sanya pafl #pafl sanya #parties are for losers #rare nana traditional art moment #glad i got this finished b4 i have to go to girls camp #yes future sanya has a nonbinary pin. yes shes wearing yuras jacket. i am cringe but i am free #theres something so poetic abt sanya exchanging red glasses for red eye triangles...#the russian should translate to 'tutor: we're out of milk can you get some' 'yeah'#there r probably mistakes w it which sorry im still learning #also yeah future sanyas contact name for yura is still tutor. i think she keeps it that way until her dying day #they could be married and 97 years old with 12 grandkids and 2 great grandkids and she would still have his contact name as tutor #this is just who they are dont fight it #i added an image id in alt text for the main image but not for the ones under the cut bcs theyre just closeups and dont look much different #lmk if theres anything i could improve abt this #OH ALSO #idk if its noticeable but future sanya is meant to be wearing a binder #OK BYE

26 notes · View notes

cognitosclowns · 2 years

Note

I saw your Robotus NSFW Alphabet post and please GOD elaborate on him having a fleshlight based on Reader's pussy because he misses them. It's driving me insane your ideas are so good

YES ANON OFC I WILL <33 FAVE SHIT EVER ARE YOU KIDDING

nsfw below!! this is gonna be so long I'm so sorry MNSDMS

he didn't expect himself to miss you so much??

Like you're only gonna be out of town for 3 weeks, max. That's nothing. especially in comparison to how long of a life you two are gonna spend together, that IS nothing.

He repeats that a lot to himself during the coming days.

It's about halfway through the second that he starts missing missing you. Proper yearning. Not just surface level ‘wishing you were with him’ NOPE SMDNS

He’s absolutely lovesick. He finds himself missing every little detail about you.

The smell of your shampoo. The little glint in your eye when you flirt with him. Kissing your warm cheeks after you cum, the lazy smile that follows. The way your eyes light up when he makes a joke.

AND ITS STUPID. HE KNOWS ITS STUPID. ITS IDIOTIC YOU AREN'T ON MARS FOR FUCKS SAKES YOU'RE JUST A FEW STATES AWAY. YOU'LL BE HOME BY THE END OF THE MONTH. HE WANTS TO GRAB HIMSELF BY THE SHOULDERS AND SHAKE.

He feels so dramatic but. that changes nothing. he's still stuck in Yearning Hell.

He definitely tries masturbating, because that seems like the easiest way to tamp it down until you're back, but it isn't the same.

Sure, he cums, and it's perfectly fine, but the wanting doesn't go away. There's still that aching sensation.

if anything, he feels worse after because it's not you. It's just a new reminder of how amazing it is being intimate with you and how far away you are.

AND,, WELL,

It's definitely an impulse decision.

(Granted, most of his decisions are impulse decisions, so.)

He's got a full 3D model of your innards bc. of course he does smdnsd.

Shockingly, it isn't even smth he actively kept info about? he just has so many sensors in his dick that it just,, naturally acquires that kinda data, and it gets stored away subconsciously.

Wouldn't even be hard to print out something usable. a few minutes at most...

Yeah after the base idea crops up, he considers it for maybe,, .5 seconds before caving smdnsmd.

He keeps internally scoffing at himself as he sets up the printer, fills in the silicone, inputs the instructions. Sighing his nonexistent lungs out.

Just a constant mental stream of 'you are such an idiot you are such an idiot you are such an idiot' as he undoes his belt MSNDMSD truly he is. Experiencing.

actually,, using it,, oh lordie,,

he hates, hates that it gets a full-throated 'oh fuck' out of him, but it absolutely does.

Is it perfect? Not even close. A pale imitation at best. The slickness of lube is too artificial, there's none of that Human Warmth he's grown accustomed to, he can't cradle your face or squeeze your hips.

Is it just enough for him to pretend it's you? YEP <33

He only gets about 5 thrusts in before his first orgasm, and tbh his artificial cum really helps pull the illusion together?

It stays warm inside his tanks, heated by his motor, and it fills up the inside of the toy in no time.

It cools down pretty fast, but it's no problem because he replaces it just as quick <3

He's split between. feeling absolutely mortified that he's humping a piece of lukewarm silicone like some sort of animal vs not giving a singular fuck because it hits the exact spot he needs it to.

<333333

He isn't entirely sure how long he goes for, but when he's done the sun is firmly in the sky, which makes his cheeks feel more than a little artifically warm.

Thankfully, the toy itself fairly easy to dispose of, since it's virtually unrecognizable by the time he's done.

maybe. he'll keep those designs on file. for future use. just in case.

OH and don't think this spoils the welcome-home sex - think of it as an appetizer <33 just a reminder of what he's had to be away from!!

so. um. *pinwheels into the atmosphere*

#SORRY YALL IDK THIS. HAD AN EFFECT. COULD YOU TELL.#im so obsessed w/. every time AB j.ac.ks off hes like #'this is so stupid you are an idiot this is pathetic you are being pathetic' bc. he just cannot mentally wrangle the idea that #yes its ok for him to have needs.#so instead its a tightrope walk of Embarrassment and Need #also bc the mental image of ab absolutely RAI.LING a f.lesh.lig.ht while internally being like 'I am being so cringe' MAKES ME CACKLE #oh. oh desp.erate ab. is everything to me #we love men who are too stubborn to admit they want 2 b.on.e so instead they just repress it until it explodes in one Big Hrony Moment.#mwa. love that shit.#IDK. is this in character. am i lost in my own sauce. MNDSSM #lmk besties #nsft #minors dni #inside job #alpha-beta #robotus alpha-beta #alpha-beta x reader #robotus alpha-beta x reader #inside job x reader

140 notes · View notes

thebigqueer · 22 days

Note

2 years ago i fucked up a friendship w a girl (that im pretty sure i was in love with). to this day i think of her and sometimes when i see her on the street i just wanna cry. i understand your plight very much.

yeahhh man im sorry to hear that!!! it genuinely fucking sucks and i would never wish this upon anyone. cuz like it makes you fully think about all the what ifs and i genuilnely dont think ill ever find someone like her again

#im not trying to sound dramatic im being so serious she was so fucking perfect for me #i geuss the difference is shes the one who broke up w me and i know i didnt do anything wrong #neither of us did #its just like fuck!!! you know?? like we could have been so much #serious relationships dont need to be longterm to be serious you know???#one of these days im going to get tipsy and then 'drunk' text her even though i fiully intend to text her #and then claim i was just drunk because im notl ying im just not telling the full truth #like i fully considered it last night but i knew it would be a bad idea and i know if i do it its just gonna fuck things up more #but im soooo tempted man #like i dont know what itll even do #i know inside my goal is to maybe convince her that its not our time to end but i know in reality #its just gonna make her feel guilty and push her away even more if i show her how much ic are abou ther #i just seriously wish i understood why she even did it #i also thought being back on campus would help and i mean it has for sure becuase ive had my friends to distract me #but the thing is im not enjoying anything. like im not being distracted im just being numbed ykwim #cuz the moment i leave my friends all i do is think about her #and even when im WITH my friends ill be in the moment w them and then 2 minutes later ill start zoning out thinking about her #like the worst part about this is i dont have any anger *against* her #maybe im angry about like the general situation but the anger isnt against her #and while being angry is its own kind of pain in a way it can be easier cuz at least then youre tempted to have a good time and show off #but when its like this where youre just sad at the situation like what am i actually gonna do except think about her #sorry anon im not trying to dump on you i just start ranting in the tags sometimes #sunny rambles #anon tag #asks

2 notes · View notes

ayyponine · 2 months

Text

not to be a milennial but harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban really is that bitch....

#mom wanted to rewatch the movies so we've been going thru them <3 #talk about a movie thats just like. grief. i turn into the jamie lee curtis halloween trauma supercut #SORRY..... the visuals are peak like that IS the hp vibe to ME and i am BLOWN AWAY this movie was made in 2004 it feels ahead of its time #the first two are so whimsical and magical enrapturing and this movie is like. a well worn cardigan. this feels 2011 cozycore to me #sorry but the introduction of lupin becoming a comforting trusted guardian type of figure AND the dementors representing hollow depression #this 13 yr old whos been kept in the dark on so many things being extra vulnerable prey to them bc of the severe trauma #but getting lessons on how to withstand that creeping dread.. through happy memories... still bonding w lupin increasngly ouagh...#the grief between them both over james and lily. also btw ofc defense against the dark arts being fighting yr fears through laughter. aaaaaa #and then sirius. black. im. i know we meme on the twelve years of it! in azkaban! but as a bitch whos now closer to those characters in age #and can appreciate and understand them obv more than i could when i was. a tween. that just hits like ok shit. VALID #so valid and real to see the child of your friends you knew at that age but who DIED and then see the friend who betrayed them #to see like the best of BOTH of them mirrored and living on in him and be like yknow what???? you WILL be protected frm that same fate #hoooo the briefest moment where harry might hope things will turn out okay. w sirius' name being cleared and peter having to explain himself #and sirius being like hey i get it if you want to stay w your family that is fine but. if you wanna move in w me...#(harry relaying this to hermione later as well. dreaming of a place fr just the two of them somewhere in the countryside #somewhere..... sirius might see the sky..... bc he thinks he would like that after all those years locked up do not even touch me rn.......)#only fr everything to turn to shit two friends fighting w deadly force. the chance to set this right slipping off into the night.#a million dementors descending relentlessly until utter exhaustion and certain death. some strange salvation? fight for a second chance?#but then still havign to say goodbye when they only just GOT this. and everything still being so. god. and lupin having to leave as well.#the thought of sirius also WANTING that guardian type connection but being forced to live in 1. a cave barely living more freely than before #2. then being confined to the stuffy somber abusive home he ran away from as a teen w that portrait still up there and everything.. bitch...#oh man the way i KNOW when we get to ootp (my favourite) its gonna leave me blasted into a million little pieces #the way i know shit like the knowing wink the entirety of the wall tapestry room scene and of course nice one james is gonna DESTROY me..#dont even talk to me abt that dark turn at the end of gof and how everything after gets soooo. god. w everything just getting destroyed and.#i cant even think abt it i cant even talk about it. wah #i dont care btw that they aged those guys up undermining how insanely young these people died. perfect casting fr the remaining marauders ok

5 notes · View notes

sparkleyiff · 2 months

Text

Not sure if I'll be doing anything more for artfight this year I am. suffering. sorry :(

#my posts tag #work stress making me panic because i dont want to work and i dont know how to run a business #i hate living w other people?!!? so much???????????#im isolated and lonely but also social interaction with ppl is hard and makes me feel ill #body image hater brain is also being really hard to ignore lately too!!#AND my bf hauve covid. for the first time ever. i dont have the energy to take care of him as i am busy mentally kms #and withdrawls still. and the new med isnt working.#and i have to be anxious about not being able to afford either new or old med #because of withdrawals. i think at least. intrusive thoughts are fucking UNIGNOREABLE i cannot swioe away the fucking mental notification #its auto playing loud videos in my head. healp #and i honestly dont enjoy art anymore. or anything at all really.#games and stuff i previously loved are announcing new stuff that should be exciting but its just burnout and fomo #i have no money and no income and it makes me feel awful even tho like yeah im didabled n finding work is fucking impossible??#been in bed like 2 days and when im not asleep im sewer slidal yaaaay #anyways all that was mostly for me. sorry #i have moments of faith and reassurance like yeah this IS a waste of my energy i KNOW itll be fine lol? but i cant. hold onto it.#and that specifically might be system related but so frustrating. can we please work together.

2 notes · View notes

batz · 11 months

Text

neurologist says my optic nerves are fine/same as last few appointments but still tells me to start taking 12 diamox a day and tells me to get out before i can ask why . also diamox like. cannot fix an issue involving my veins. but idk im not doctor so whatever

im 100% not taking 12 pills a day tho thatd hurt me. past few appointments hes just been rlly wanting me to have more diamox even tho he keeps saying im in remission but he wont answer when i ask why i need the meds then

#frank.txt #diamox doesnt even fix venous stenosis . its a diuretic that fixes like. pressure and water distribution n stuff #my jugular vein is too small and the blood flow sounds are simply Too Loud. its not effecting anything long term #but its causing migraines and nausea which is why ive been sleeping 24/7 . like my life has been sleeping. smoke. make coffee. read news #also i have never heard of someone taking 12 diamox a day. especially when im IN REMISSION #unfortunately its fatphobia. my neurologist is less concerned with my brain now and more concerned with making me smaller #which diamox already did and it was hell.#anyway im not going on 12 pills a day . that will just make me more sick. sticking with 4 and just seeing if it helps w Everything #the big thing is my optic nerves r still good at least. and my brain is too. its just my damn veins #theyre simply too small for my big blood...#fatphobia m #idk tagging that just in case #sorry minor venting abt medical shit. this disease is just annoying bc i do not feel like im in remission and i feel like they just #say that without knowing what it means #like theres no more damage and im basically all good but i still FEEL sick. like . idk its just Annoying #idk annoying is an understatement its distressing but i am learning 2 cope with it #just in a bad flare up or Sick Moment idk #long post #kinda idk #im FINE just mad

16 notes · View notes

toastsnaffler · 4 months

Text

ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.

#just got home and went to put my shit away but my flatmate was in the kitchen and i got suddenly so mad i had to walk back out #not going to do or say anything while im this upset. i need to be a lot calmer before i can even be in the same room as her #like okay. so originally it was just the two of them getting drinks and theyd rather it was just them bc i dont drink. thats cool #it wouldve been difficult for me to join them after work bc travel. and ik theyd done this before just the 2 of them and had fun #i can fully respect that its why i said no and stuck by that decision when she asked again #but to not mention she was taking the day off work and btw i just found out that BOTH of our other old flatmates joined in too #to not mention that they were travelling that entire distance and that it wasnt just drinks it was a whole day out together #thats just mean. why wouldnt you tell me that why did none of them say anything.#and the fact they did the exact same fucking thing last weekend too i didnt know about that at all #like i need to stop trying to justify it. im allowed to feel unwanted and excluded bc thats exactly what theyre doing.#im tired of feeling like other people dont want me around. i know i can be difficult and annoying sometimes. but im really not that bad #and we're meant to be friends!!!!!! like youre supposed to like your friends. and want to spend time with them. or at least i do #and yeah everyones annoying sometimes thats just part of being alive ur supposed to tolerate it if ur friends #im allowed to want to feel like im wanted. im allowed to want ppl to care abt me. that shouldnt be too much to ask for #but the overwhelming message im getting at the moment is they dont want me around. and when i am around them i feel like they dont listen #to me and that they dont really care how i feel unless it directly involves them or theyre responsible for it #i feel like they dont see me as a real person that exists. only a version they have in their heads and they base all their assumptions and #decisions off that version instead of directly communicating with me. and constantly avoid me under the guise of 'giving me space'#when im upset or having a difficult time and most need support from other people. i just feel really unseen #and ik that part of how i feel IS exacerbated by insecurity and depression. like they do care to some degree #but also a lot of it is evidenced in the way they act towards me. mainly my roommate bc shes the person i interact with most #and personally i find the most direct ways of showing u care abt someone are showing up for them. and making them feel seen #and maybe not everyone feels the same way. but thats how it works for me anyway #so to repeatedly exclude me and avoid acknowledging that ive been having a difficult time is the opposite of that to me #which is the point im trying to arrive at... sorry ik ive probably said similar things repeatedly the last few weeks but i feel like its #crystallising a bit like this is the core reason why im so sensitive and reactive atm and why i got so upset by it #idk. not tonight bc im still very emotionally raw but maybe tomorrow if im calmer i should explain that i was upset + why to her #i avoid doing that so often when im upset bc i dont think theres much point in having a conversation abt it unless u expect some kind of #resolution from it. or if you want an apology but idrc abt being apologised to the crucial thing is what theyre going to do different #and i love her but shes very resistant to changing her behaviour bc of other ppl being upset by it. and like i said before she has

2 notes · View notes

intertexts · 6 months

Text

prime defenders... save me prime defenders...

#dude oh my god. suddenly i am feeling just fucking dogshit.#had a phil paper due friday i ENTIRELY forgot about because he mentioned it in class Once & ive been having too big of insane anxiety week #2 even open blackboard. two art history papers. big type project. also every fucking moment im minorly being like oh my god. im gonna die #t 20 and my mom is gonna have to go through my room & stuff & its gonna fuck up my whole family. also literally i havent done Any #other class work because of hyperfixation brain. what the hell is wrong with me dude!!!!#SORRY. sorry. having a fucking moment if u followed me for art or something that sucks for u bad decision on ur part <3 #neg #txt

2 notes · View notes

gachaparadise · 10 months

Text

ahhh the Penacony leaks are really coming in now.

*chuckles* I'm in danger.

#i keep going back and forth about if i'm skipping Ratio. I was 100% going for him but now. looking at whats coming #I like Sunday and Robin and Boothill and Gallagher and Misha and Aventurine and DUKE INFERNO?!?#okay. i just saw that Aventurine might be sustain unit. i NEED one of those so bad.#my accounts gonna be completely fucked if i don't get a good support sometime soon. so like. that moves him WAY up my priorities list #and moves Ratio down :( still dunno exactly what he does waiting for official release to make final decisions #but. if he's really an imaginary dps. i might... *dies a little bit* skip him #i just!!! i have DH!!! i WANT to use DH! he's my favourite character in the damn game!#and >_> is Ratio going to have story relevance? i thought Argenti would get more then just a companion quest but he hasn't #and that kinda... bums me out? i like the meet a character THEN roll for them not the other way around. i like character who matter plotwis #A!NY!WAY! putting that aside. i might just go for the 50/50 and take what i get. just to smooth out my pity if nothing else #i don't have most of the standard pool so chances are *knocks on wood* i'll have something new to work with #and like we are getting an absolute BARRAGE of hard skip banners coming up after him.#i do not care for these women at all. extremely mid designs i SLEEP #(except for the judge she fucks but. jades are tight right now honey im sorry!!)#so. i've got a little but of time to save afterwards #post: misc #game: honkai sr #these tags are long and disjointed but its *checks clock* almost 2:30 am so. i'm a bit. you know.#i could save this draft for tomorrow and edit into something resembling a human's train of thought instead of word vomit but #i kinda wanna capture the moment. this is how i saw the leaks. the essence of desperation of a f2p. aahhh gacha my beloved.

3 notes · View notes

emypony · 10 months

Text

.

#damn babygirl i wish people checked up on me more #this self conscious catgirl is so tired #sometimes i WISH people just came into my dms to ask me if im ok #i do it constantly to others because i hope theyre not as sad as i am feeling in that moment #genuinely afraid to have made someone feel bad and drive them away from me #and omg i feel nyself running thin again just bc im afraid to lose the interactions we have altogether because i cant process certain media #in a healthy way whatsoever and i get super hung up on thinfs that really dont matter that much in the end #YEAH IM RAMBLING IT'S 5:30 AM AND I COULD BE SLEEPING RIGHT NOW BUT INSTEAD IM JUST CRYING FOR A STUPID REASON!!#i think ive only had one person check up on me based off the vibes in chat i gave off alone in the past couple of months #which was baffling and surreal btw and i think it broke something within me #it came from someone i wouldve never expected to even notice because sometimes it feels like its such a vast difference between us #i sometimes even wonder how are we friends in the first place #like do i even deserve to call this person my friend do they feel like that? or are we just discord acquaintances?#anyway all this just made me sad and my dumb ass is crying and yearning to be loved by my online peers thats all lol. meows pathetically #idk i guess i just.want to hear / see it more rather than just teying to tell myself that over and over hoping im not deluding myself abt i #personal #sorry for the emotions dump idk whats wrong with me tonight actually #me having to come to terms with the reality that i actually have a following and this might get boticed by more than 2 ppl #bc not everyone follows 3k blogs like i am :skull emoji: yknow #im probably gonna delete later because im actually a super self conscious person to the point i get nauseatingly anxious about it holy shit #i dont vent often and im 120% keeping it in but when i do oh boy #the dam bursts and im left like a sopping wet dog on the floor looking like a sad blob #which i am feeling like right now!#vent #emy rambles #ALSO LIKE THIS ISNT TO SAY IM NOT GRATEFUL FOR MY FRIENDS OMG I AM #k really am #sometimes its still like. idk. unbelievable to me that people are genuinely interacting with me and the things i write or headcanon #and i shouldn't expect them to know whats wrong with me or if i feel bad if i dont say it or communicate that to them #but yknow one can yearn

3 notes · View notes

melissa-titanium · 1 year

Text

GOD therseomuch shit to do i thought id have time today to DO stuff. its the fucking weekend why do ihave to do 2 classes and go outside and literally do something for school . the weekDAYS are always busy i havent had a free moment since i fucking joined