#its been quite a difficult project honestly

[hotwaterandmilk]

I'm seeing "Wedding Peach was unsuccessful" trotted out on Twitter again and it's honestly kind of funny to me. You can dislike the series, but you're rewriting history if you suggest it was a massive commercial flop/astronomical failure — it simply wasn't.

The Wedding Peach TV series maintained viewership throughout its run which is why it aired an entire year's worth of episodes (the full length it was intended to run) and didn't get cancelled like Nurse Angel Ririka SOS, for example.

I'm not going to pretend it did Sailor Moon numbers, dear god, it absolutely didn't get close hence why it wrapped as it did. I would suggest looking back now, that it was the definition of a mid-performing title for the time period. It sold toys decently but not outrageously, it got viewers but not an outstanding number, and it garnered a small but dedicated fanbase of male otaku. All of which is par for the course when it comes to a mid title in 1995.

Wedding Peach DX was produced because the TV series LD sales were decent enough to warrant it. Children were not buying LD box sets at this time, adult fans were and it was this interest that justified the creation of the four DX episodes as direct-to-video releases. If a series doesn't sell well they don't make more episodes, let alone higher quality deluxe episodes specifically for the home video market (and thus for older audiences with spending power).

It is very important to point out that Wedding Peach DX had NO INVOLVEMENT from the original creative team. Tomita Sukehiro and Yazawa Nao did not contribute to its creation, Tadano Kazuko didn't provide designs. Yuyama Kunihiko was the driving force behind the production of the DX episodes and he served as both director and writer for all four episodes (bringing on Wedding Peach animator and soon-to-be frequent Pokémon collaborator, Ichiishi Sayuri to serve as character designer).

What inspired these to be fanservice dreck to the level they ended up being is honestly beyond me. I mean the otaku market definitely wanted more episodes featuring the characters (and more songs featuring the seiyuu, if you want to see how keen otaku were for FURIL please see this post) but part of what they liked about the characters at the time was their (barfbarfbarf) perceived purity and innocence. The DX including panty shots and swimsuits kind of threw them for a loop. Even now, if you look at discussions about the DX among otaku there's a bit of a divide in opinion.

The DX episode sales were (as far as I can tell based on magazines from the time) also mid, but enough to cover four episodes. Three and four don't seem to have sold as well as one and two, but again the stats from the time aren't comprehensive. I think the fact that there weren't any after episode four says it all, honestly. OVA episodes are expensive to produce and it was extremely common for them to stop immediately if the sales weren't there. DX didn't justify its existence beyond those four episodes and Yuyama moved onto a far more successful project in Pokémon.

On that topic, I think it's important to note that Wedding Peach was OLM's first television series (albeit a coproduction with KSS). If it and the studio's adaptation of Mojacko hadn't made some level of profit it would have been quite difficult for them to adapt Pokémon. Neither Mojacko nor Wedding Peach set records with their viewership or sales numbers, but they both did "OK". It was in Pokémon however, that that OLM truly found a successful property with the series still running today. Sometimes you've got to have a few runs at producing things before you find success. Wedding Peach was one of these early runs, a project where a lot of people cut their teeth but one that didn't justify its own continuation beyond a certain point. Just a very standard media mix from the mid-90s, in other words.

Wedding Peach is a problematic title with indifference through to outright objection to representing love outside of heterosexual romance. Looking back now it feels like an absolute dinosaur on so many levels. Between the anime's fatphobic episode and Momoko dropping some gender essentialism, I'm not surprised people want to relegate it to the dustbin of history.

However, I think it is very telling that Tomita Sukehiro, when presented with the opportunity to tell a similar story in the modern day, chose to represent not just queer love, but platonic and familial love in Wedding Apple. While he can't undo the regressive and cringy elements of the original series, as a creator he has progressed and I'd like to think we can all continue to improve our outlooks and output as we grow.

Disliking Wedding Peach in the modern day is completely understandable. I'm not going to pretend anyone should watch it in 2024 without knowing that it is a camp, cheaply made relic of a time when heterosexuality was considered magic. However, just because it pandered to all the worst things trending at the time doesn't mean it didn't sell enough products or hold enough viewers to justify its production. It did, it just wasn't a strong enough property to go beyond that and that's representative of mediocrity rather than mind blowing commercial failure imho.

[polarisjisung]

LOVE ON THE COURT | 20 ... WITH BENEFITS??

SYNOPSIS | every college student has their struggles, but raising her younger brother has Y/N top of the list, struggling her way through college whilst balancing her academics and basketball captaincy is difficult no doubt and with Jaemin, her ex best friend and captain of the guys basketball team, and his growing one sided hatred towards her, it doesn't seem to be getting any easier

WARNINGS | swearing, sexual innuendos, kys/kms jokes, y/n has daddy issues for the sake of the plot

NOTES | I have no idea why this update took me so long to post I'm so sorry 😭 I don't like making chapters like this too sad (don't worry there's still gonna be some angsty chapters) but I don't want the written stuff on its own bcs that feels too espresso depresso or wtv the phrase is so this is a bit of a longer chap than usual.. anyways if ever you feel bad for y/n, don't worry you're gonna feel worse

19:21, dinner the night before

Y/n shuffles in her seat.

Jaemin greets her with a smile, and though she offers one back, that sinking feeling in her stomach doesn't seem to settle.

Suddenly now that she finds herself face to face with her once best friend, no menus in hand since they'd already given their orders, no way to avoid conversation for just a couple seconds longer, Y/n finds herself at a loss for words.

What was anyone supposed to say in this situation?

Sure a thank you would be ideal, considering Jaemin had somehow managed the impossible, but the words escaped her. Like they rested at the tip of her tongue but she lacked the drive to speak them.

It's not that y/n wasn't grateful, no, she wouldn't be here if she wasn't, in fact she didn't know what it was, what confused her so deeply that she sat there silently. Her thumbs twiddling against one another, as she stared down at the table in front of her.

There was a nagging whisper in her mind, one that cast shadows over her once clear thoughts, leaving her in that haze of uncertainty that she recognised all too well. Recently it was all she could feel around the captain.

Something about this situation in particular makes her palms sweaty and the hairs stand on her neck, every glance at Jaemin feeling like a shadow of what had once been, a reminder of how it had all been lost.

Even just sitting opposite Jaemin isn't simple.

Not at all.

It's like sitting across from a mirror that once reflected shared laughter and secrets, now distorted by fractures of lost trust and unspoken words. She supposed that was the thing about mirrors and shattering. No matter how hard you tried to glue the pieces back together, it would never quite be the same.

Perhaps that's why y/n is lousy in her attempts, grateful to Jaemin but unbothered to express it. The thought that no matter how desperately she hoped, this couldn't be restored. That there was no point in pouring energy into a friendship that would never be resolved.

"So" it's undoubtedly jaemin who breaks the silence, a soft tone to his voice, not quite as gentle as the other night but still warm "are you feeling better? like really okay?"

For a moment she wonders whether she'll break at the sound of his voice like she always had. Would she go back to that point in life where it was so easy to lie, so easy to say she was okay, so easy to pretend, in front of everyone else but never in front of him.

"I'm fine, honestly." She lies.

There's a shy sheepish smile that creeps across her lips and slightly accents her words

Jaemin hasn't seen much of her positivity be directed his way, and seeing this ignites the little hope in him that they could move on from this, from everything.

"You didn't have to work on it without me you know, it was just as much my project as it was yours and you putting in all the effort isn't fair on you."

"You did most of the preliminary stuff anyways, and I really didn't want to ask you because of the other night" Jaemin finally admits, though not willingly, his words extracted more so by her sharp stare and the cold atmosphere.

"Right..." Her attempts at changing the subject, clearly in vain— he really needed to stop asking about the other night. Y/n wasn't sure how much h longer she could hold back the tears, the looming feeling of inadequacy as a guardian still strong. She should have been more careful.

She knows its her turn to speak, opening her mouth to do so.

But again, y/n struggles.

The words play hide and seek in her mind, leaving her to grasp at empty. The atmosphere grows heavy with the weight of unspoken words. Her mind races, a jumble of what to say, thoughts of how easy conversation once was, how effortless it had been, all such a stark contrast to now.

Jaemin watches, a mix of intrigue and concern in his eyes as she contemplates in front of him, quiet but with an expression that spoke volumes.

The silence between them seems to bite louder than any conversation they once held, each dish in front, a reminder of the bitter aftertaste of a friendship turned cold.

"It's just Minjun and I" she breathes out, voice shaky, and Jaemin realises that those nervous cues in her slumped posture and shaking hands had never changed "It's just been the two of us for a while" she whispered. "That's why I was so scared"

Jaemin's hand hovers uncertainly beneath the table, unsure if the gesture would be welcomed or misunderstood, caught in the delicate balance of care and concern.

Admittedly, Jaemin catches himself slightly intrigued, still confused what could have lead to her practically perfectly family turning into this.

But he knows better than to let his curiosity get the best of him.

He wants to stop her, tell her that whatever it is that causes her brows to knit together and her pretty eyes to gloss over isn't something she needs to force herself to talk about, but he doesn't know how.

For a moment he's kicking himself under the table— how had he ever let go of the person who meant so much to him?

Even now, knowing everything she had done, he couldnt help but question why hadn't he tried to get past it then?

At the sight of her downcast features suddenly everything that he once despised her for seemed so trivial.

Jaemin sees himself, a younger, less mature version that stands on the court, hair matted to his forehead from the rain, a ball long forgotten somewhere behind him, cold, betrayed, and so painfully alone. Those burning tear stained cheeks, the harsh whistles of wind, the bitter feeling of failure still clinging to his skin, he remembers it all.

But every feeling he recalls so well, so vividly, is so easily dismissed when her eyes shine with a painful tint, red from the piercing tears that she holds in them.

"My dad" she cuts him off, gaze now avoidant as he grabbed her cold hands in his, "he walked out on us not long after ...whatever hapenned between you and me. He never came back, didn't answer a single call, not even a text, no form of communication except the papers he sent in the mail so I could become Junnie's legal guardian."

I missed you, she wanted to say. I needed you she'd liked to add.

"That's why it's just the two of us now" she said instead, trying to find more words to stop the tears from flowing, like her words were the only thing that could hold them back.

Back then, Y/n remembers vividly the feeling of wanting to fall, to sink, to drown but still somehow keeping her head above the surface to hold on and stay strong for her younger brother. She wondered if Jaemin had been there, would it have been easier? Would she have let herself fall, would she have someone to give her a hand, to pick her back up again and hold her hand through it all? Would things have ended differently?

"I'm sorry" his words weren't new, they weren't special, they were the same as what everybody else would say but the fact that they came from him, Na Jaemin who now stood by her side with his arms wrapped around her, was enough to dissolve the feeling of emptiness.

08:25 present time

Y/n looks over at Minjun, still deep in slumber, smiling before she steps out of the room.

There's way too many toys sprawled out across the living room floor, a blanket she finds herself folding as she subconsciously begins to clean up. Her eyes land on the kitchen counter, wondering what to make for breakfast. She was never particularly good at cooking, but she'd been learning for her brothers sake.

When she gets to the black jacket resting over the couch, it hits her. She catches sight of her puffy eyes in the mirror, and a hand runs through her hair hurriedly.

"Why the fuck did I tell him all of that" she let's out a frustrated sigh, running her hands across her face, "I'm supposed to hate him" she reminds herself, though her tone isn't convincing in the slightest.

"You don't hate him though" Heeseung's voice comes out muffled, the toothbrush between his lips making it difficult to understand his words.

He had been the one to stay over last night, her friends still taking turns to accompany Minjun and her every night since he'd walked out of the apartment, a gesture that made her heart swell. Although up until now she was pretty certain he was still asleep. Clearly not.

"I can't hate him" she sighs, falling back into the couch "is it bad I want to be friends with him again?" she asks, even though Heeseung had retreated to the bathroom to finish brushing his teeth.

Regardless he pokes his head out into the hallway, a sly smirk across his lips "with benefits?"

Y/n rolls her eyes.

He emerges again not long after, smiling from ear to ear "no y/n it's not bad if you want to be friends again" he takes a seat beside her "you can only fight your feelings for so long, let yourself be vulnerable, take the risk and try again" he says, hands resting on both his knees.

"and if you're feeling really risky, you can always—"

"shut up Heeseung" she smiles, lightly pushing against his arm "I guess it is worth a shot though"

"he's right next door anyways so sneaking around won't be hard at all"

"I meant being friends. Just friends." she stands up, walking over to the kitchen "you down for pancakes?"

He nods.

"You know it could be good though, he's hot, you're hot, there's enough tension to make things interesting and it ticks your not ready for a relationship box pretty well too"

Despite the pointed look the captain offers him, Heeseung doesn't let up, and secretly, she wouldn't have it any other way.

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[sarcasmo-mexicano]

Relax 🔞

Pre-Collider Jonathon Ohnn/The Spot x AFAB!Reader 

There's no doubt that your boyfriend, Jonathon Ohnn, is a really hard worker.

His work is extremely important and as such he puts the extra effort in anything he does; Its because of this that he is one of the top scientist at Alchemax.  

The thing is, when Jonathon focuses on his work, everything else is a secondary task and it means /everything/.  

You have to constantly remind him to eat because if you dont, this man can go without eating actual food for days and will try to survive out of energy bars and redbulls.  

He has been so absorbed on his work that he sometimes will collapse from exahustion in top of all the papers he has been reviewing.  

He also tends to ignore you.  

You know its not on purpose but still kinda hurts.  

When he gets into a new project, you feel lonely.  

You are tired of waking up to and empty bed, eating dinner alone, watching the shows you were supposed to watch together, alone.  

Between the loneliness there is also the concern for his well being; How many nights has he stayed up until the crack of dawn, working so much that his eyes are all red?  

Has he eating? Drink water? Shower?  

Its not only this hyperfocus period but the burnout you know its coming after.  

So the next time he announces he will be working on yet, another of his projects, you take matter into your own hands.  

This time, this man will relax, even if its the last thing you do.

When you get home, already late into the night, you find Jonathon hunching over some papers. His desk is already a mess: piles of open books and papers laying everywhere, tools scattered around.  

You toss your bag and coat to the ground and make a bee-line to him, squeezing his shoulders as you give him a peck on the cheek trying not to disturb him too much.  

"Hey" You quietly greet him, giving him another kiss on his temple.  

He answers you with another "hey" his lips curving in a quick smile before going back to work.  

"Did you eat lunch Johnny?" He nods as you tuck some stray hairs behind his ear, he barely reacts at your touch. "Water?" Nods again. Well at least, he did eat. You sigh "Im gonna go shower ok?"  

"Ok, honey" He says without looking at you, writing something on a notebook.  

Frustration builds inside you but no matter, this time he will take a break.  

You hop in the shower, warm water cleaning the stress of the day away; The soap you choose today is his favourite scent: eucalyptus and lavander, you still remember the first time you used it, how he was all over you, his nose on the crook of your neck.  

"You smell so good" You remember how his voice had soften and how his arms  around you, holding you close.  

You hope it has the same effect this time around.  

You wrap yourself with a towel, barely drying yourself, you might want to be a little wet for what is about to come.  

In front of the mirror you take a good look of yourself, inhaling deeply.  

Honestly you feel a little excited, a familiar tingling forming on your belly.  

"Ok, Go-Time"  

.

It's about the third day he has been working on this project.  

Or is it the fourth? Maybe a week? Jonathon doesnt really know, his perception of time kinda blurrs when he works.  

What he does know if its that, if he doesnt finish these schematics  tonight he is gonna lose it.  

It shouldnt be this difficult.

He sighs in frustration, pinching the bridge of his nose, rubbing the exhaustion out of his eyes.  

Its only then when he notices its dark outside.  

Oh wow, is it night already? Wait, yeah it is. He vaguely remembers your figure standing next to him, asking if he did eat that day.  

He glances over his shoulder, have you got to bed already? Probably, it is quite late.  

Guilt strikes him right in the middle.  

You always take care of him when he dives on these kind of projects; He knows how difficult he may get, so focused he deliberately ends ignoring you.  

But dont you misunderstood! He /is/ grateful for all the help you give him. He notices how you make home-food everyday so he doesnt have to eat junk, or how there's always a filled water bottle near him but far any papers or blueprints he might have around.  

You are the most wonderful partner ever, he doesnt deserves you.  

"Dinner" He thinks as he goes back at the papers he has been writing. "Dinner on a nice place, a fancy one. Flowers, maybe chocolates? Those black chocolates they like"  

Jonathon's mind drifts between his work and plans to apologize properly to you, so focus that he doesnt hear the door of the bedroom opening or your footsteps approaching.  

His body shudders in surprise as you put your hands on his shoulders, giving them a soft squeeze.  

"Johnny?" You call him "You coming to bed?"  

"Hmm? Oh, no. Im so sorry sweetie, I- still have some things to do here." He replies apologetic, crossing something on the margin of a paper and writing another. Honestly there's nothing more he wants that being on bed with you, your soft, warm body entangled with his. He misses you too. "You go without me, I will be there soon"  I hope, he adds on his mind.  

But instead of going, you put your arms around him, pressing your chest against his back. "Johnny" Your lips brush the shell of his ear and he holds his breath. 

"Y-yes, Honey?" His hand trembles as he writes a sidenote.  

"You been working so hard lately Hun"  

"I- I have! Yes! Im, ehm, sorry about it. B-but! Im almost done! I swear!" He stutters. Its been a while since he had being embraced by you, you smell divine its distracting.  

You whine into his ear and he swallows, his cock twitches. "You should take a break baby"  

He coughs almost choking, he has stopped writing for a while now. "I-I-I cant, really. I need to- eh finish these"  

Surely you would understand right?  

"I been lonely Johnny" You whispers, pulling yourself from him and he quietly whines for the lost of contact. However you force him to turn around to face you and his eyes go wide. Oh God. You are only wearing a -rather short- towel, your wet hair framing your beautiful face. "I miss you"  

"You have?" His eyes dart on every patch of exposed skin, from your legs to you shoulders, the way is only your arms what is keeping the towel on your body.  

"Uh-huh" Your pretty lips accentuate each sound, they look so pretty and pink, he catches himself salivating. "Im tired of sleeping on a empty bed John" You close the distance between you, carefully climbing on him as Jonathon leans back, hands holding the arms of the chair.  

"Fuck,fuck, fuck" His mind is speeding, math, formulas and what not already tossed on the back burner, he is already packing a tent on his pants and you havent even touch him.  

"I know you are a very busy, bright man" Your voice is like silk, so soft, sending chills all over him "But even bright minds-" Your hands move slowly, removing the towel in a nice, fluid, movement, letting slide to the floor. /OH FUCK/ "Need breaks" You finish, pressing your wet body against his chest.  

At this point Jonathon has forgot how to breath.  

Every nerve on his body is on edge, his cock its so hard it hurts.

And when he thinks he cant take anything more, you sit on his lap.  

You sit /right/ on his clothed dick and you let this sound, this exquisite sound as you slowly, so ruthlessly slow, grind on him.  

"Ahhh- f-fuck-" He moans, breathless. His head thrown back, eyes closed, knuckles white as he digs his hands into the arms of the chair.  

Is this real? Or did he actually pass out for all the overwork?  

"Johnny" His name rolls out of your tongue in the sweetest voice, just like honey, cold hands cupping each side of his head, kindly forcing him to straighten. Out of habit, he leans into the palm of your hand, whimpering into it.  

With your free hand, you fix his hair, fingers combing the stray hairs. "Johnny" This time he opens his eyes only to be meet with your naked body, your beautiful eyes staring into his. "Arent you tired baby?" Your hand caresses his cheek, fingers tracing a line until it meets his lips, giving them a small tap. Jonathon can only nod, he has forgotten what words are at the moment. "Dont you want to rest a little?" Your finger drag his lips -ah- side to side, your body pressing more and more into him as you rub his lap.  

He nods again, weak sounds coming from his part lips.  

"Use your words John"  

"Y-yes, I want-oh, I want to-oh god, to relax" His voice cracks, already so weak.  

You give him a little smile, leaning completely against him, your lips barely touching his. "Dont worry honey" You whisper, taking both his hands and placing them on your hips "Im going to take good care of you"  

Even when Jonathon was waiting for the kiss to come, he still is taken aback as how sweetly you press your lips against his, before giving them a tempting lick. He moans loudly now, opening his mouth and letting your tongue in. He kiss you desperatly, with a hunger he didnt knew he had until now. Every sound you let out its turning him on, hips bucking up, frantic to be inside you.  

Your hands find their way to his hair, sinking into his wild locks, pulling it until he cries out of pleasure.  

When you break the kiss, he whines in discontent and you cannot help but to chuckle a little, he’s so cute. 

You take his hands -at the moment busy grabbing your ass- and slowly drag them all over your body, his big brown eyes following, until they make their way to the edge of your breasts.  

"Mmmh" Johnathon whimpers, his thumbs shyly brushing them. He looks at you, asking for permission and how could you say no, really? You giggle and nod, guiding his big hands until each one is holding you. You feel his hips buck again, cock surely twitching inside his tight pants. He kneads them softly, thumbs brushing your hard nipples taking a whine out of you, his hands feel so warm on your body.

"Oh- they are so pretty-Fuck! You are so pretty" Without a warning he pops one of your tits inside his hungry, hot mouth. You thrown your head back, heat already forming on your belly. He sucks on your nipple, while he plays with the other, occassionally mumbling a muffled "so pretty" and "taste so good", he works you so good that you forget for a moment that you are supposed to make /him/ feel good.

Clumsily -the chair creaks and bends very dangerously- you slide your hand to his pants, the tips of your fingers tracing the tent he is packing. When you do, he sucks harder on your nipple and you wail.  

Trembling you look for the fly of his jeans, carefully opening them, hooking a pair of fingers on his underwear, sliding them down.  

His cock springs free, hitting you in the back.

When you glance over, you see how it gleams, already covered on pre-cum, it twitches needely, the tip red.  

Your mouth waters.  

You lean back a little, a hand grabbing his hair, his mouth still sucking on you as you wrap your free one around his boner, squeezing it a little.  

"Oh-fuck!" He cries, popping your nipple out of his mouth. You dont need to see it to know he has already leave a mark around it. He thrust weakly, moving his cock up and down your hand. "Your hand feels- ah! so good!"  

You giggle, he already looks so whipped.  

You pump his lenght, thumb rubbing the tip. Your hand slides nicely thanks to all the pre-cum he is oozing.

All the sounds he is letting out, turns you on, you can feel how wet you are, probably soaking Jonathon's lap.  

"Please-!" He cries, his chest rising and falling at how quick his breathing is. "Baby, I- I cant! Please! Inside, I want to- ah! Be inside!" And to put emphasis on his need, he thrust his hips again

Honestly, you want him too, now.  

"Anything you want Johnny" You say with a sly smile.  

Rising your hips a little, you lead his tip to your soaked entrance, rubbing it, one, two times -"¡Honey, please!"- and let it in, slowly, insde you, little by little, until you take him whole.  

The two of you moan, overstimulated and sensitive.

You stay still, adjusting yourself to his size, shaking. "You feel so-mnhh! Big!" He feels even bigger than before, already hitting your good spot.  

"Can I move?" Jonathon asks, his arms around you, face buried on your chest, legs trembling. "Please, let me move"  

He's just too cute when he begs. "Please Johnny" You voice its coated with lust, you want him to ruin you just as much as he wants you to do the same. 

He doesnt even waits for you to finish, already pounding you so hard that it makes you scream, surely the neighbors can hear you but you dont give a single shit, let them hear how hard he fucks you.  

"Thankyouthankyouthankyou" He chants as he pounds into you, already so pussy-drunk. The wet slapping of his cock sound so obscene, blending with your moans and his whinning. "You are-fuck! so tight! Your pussy is- oh fuck, oh fuck! so good!" He moans against your skin, nibbling at whatever he can put his teeth into.  

"Johnny! Oh God! Johnny!" Your voice cries desperate, the knot inside you, growing tighter and tigher. "Im-Im close!"  

A gasp escapes from your mouth as Jonathon grabs you from your waist, pulling himself up from the -poor- chair carrying you with him.  

He grunts at the sudden feeling of being so deep inside you, a hand swating papers and books and tools off the table.  

For a moment you grow worried. "Johnny! Your notes! What are you-AH!" You are manhandle, your body resting against the now, empty table, papers, books, blueprints on the floor now. You are about to protest when he thrust into you, filling you up, making you scream. He feels so much bigger, so much deeper.  

"Doesnt matter" He growls, big hands pushing your legs until they are up your ears. "It can all wait, right now, fuck, right now I need to fuck you, I need you so badly!" With renowed energy, he rams into you, taking the air out of your lungs, his balls slapping against your cunt. "So good! So good, ah- for me! Only for me, yes?"  

You nod rapidly, bitting your lip. When you look at him, he's nothing but a mess,  glassy eyes, lips trembling with a moan.  

"Yes-" You pant, its so hard to talk right now. "Just for you, only for you Johnny!"  

He grunts, letting your legs go, hands cupping your face as he dips for a rather, needy and sloppy kiss. You hold him, digging your nails into his back, your legs around his waist, bringing him impossibly closer.

He moan into the kiss, his pace becoming more erratic, barely taking his cock out.  

He's close. 

You bring your lips to his ear and shakely, whisper the magic words.  

"Inside, cum inside"  

"GNHH!-!" He grunts, jaw tensing. "Oh fuck! Oh Honey! Im cumming, fuck! Im cumming!" He cums between moans and curses, pumping load after load of hot and thick cum, his body on top of yours, your face tucked on the crook of his neck, his hand sinking into your hair. Fuck you smell so good, your pussy is milking him so deliciously good, oh fuck.  

You stay like this for a moment, or maybe longer, you are not completely sure. Time flows different when you just get fucked into another plane of existence.

"Are you-ah- ok babe?" Jonathon ask, voice cracking.  

You chuckle, kissing the side of his neck. "Perfectly Johnny"  

"Ok, good! Im gonna, eh, pull out ok?" You nod giving him the get go. Slowly he gets up already missing your embrace. Your body trembles as he slides his cock out and  the moment he does a thick trail of cum follows, spilling all the way down. "Oh. Wow. Thats, wow, a lot" He coughs awkwardly, his face feeling hot.  

You glance at him from the table, his face red and eyes wide, surely staring at your sore cunt. When your body pumps out the excess of his cum and you whine, you see his lips move, muttering to himself a quiet: "holy shit".  

A tiny smile cross your face. "Admiring your work, Doctor Ohnn?"  

He clears his throat, clearly embarrased of being caught, like he didnt fuck your brains out just a couple of minutes ago. "I didnt- Its not like that!"  

"Really?" You tease him, spreading your legs further.  

He bites his lip, eyes darting between your smug face and your dripping pussy. There really is a lot. "M-Maybe I am" He says, defeated.  

Your little devilish smile only grows wider. "I like it, Piccaso!" You say in an exagerated manner, twirling your hand.  

Jonathon stares at you dumbfounded before wheezing. "Oh! You are the worst! That was terrible!"  

"But you are laughing!"  

"Cuz its so bad I cant help but laugh!"  

You both stare at each other before bursting into laughter.  

You are wipping the tears from your eyes when something catches your eyes.  

"John?"  

"Yeah?" He says, the remains of his laugh on his voice.  

"Are you still hard?"  

He abruptly stops, body going still.  

You prop your torso up, looking down on him. Yep, there it stands, still as hard and angry red, covered on a still wet layer of cum -both his and yours-.  

Its your turn to be astonished. You didnt know he was so- pent up.  

"John-"  

"Its ok!" He cuts you up, pushing his shirt down to cover himself. "I- I will take care of this myself, yes? Later, in the, ehm-In the bathroom. Right now, we should clean you up"  

You frown.  

Oh. 

You dont think so.  

Not happening, not today, nu-huh.  

Carefully you get down of the table, your legs shaking.  

You take a moment to compose yourself, straigthen your body as you lean into him.  

"Sit on the chair John"  

He blinks at you, confused but a little turn on.  "Excuse me?"  

Hands on his hips, you guide him towards the chair, pushing him little by little, until his ass is sitting.  

"I told you didnt I?" You say, kissing the mole above his lips -the one you like so much- and trail down his neck, leaving little wet kisses as you go. "That I would take good care of you"  

"You dont have to-" He mutters, eyes half-closed.  

"I want to" You growl against the skin of his neck, sucking his adam's apple and he sobs. "Besides, I cant let you go like this. Can I?" You wrap your hand around his needy cock, it feels hot on your grasp. Jonathon let out a shaky moan, unconsciously bucking his hips. You smile against his neck. "Relax baby, let me make you feel good"  

You kneel down, making yourself home in between his legs.  

You feel his hot stare on you and sure enough when you look up to see him, his eyes are glued on you, a trembling hand covering his mouth, the other resting on the arm of the chair.  

Oh, someone is eager.  

Without breaking eye contact, you give his head a tentative lick. He squints his eyes, quietly whinning into his hand.  

You smile, toungue tracing down from his head to the bottom of his lenght, licking the cum clean.  

"Ooooh" He moans, he must be very senstive, you feel his cock twitching as you go up again, giving the head a little kiss before wrapping it with your lips, sucking just a little, moving your toungue along the slit. "Oh-fuuuuck"  

You push his shaft slowly, saliva dripping from the corners of your mouth. You are not used to have him, to feel him so big like this.  

The tip is already hitting the back of your throat.  

You feel drunk.  

Drunk on his smell, on his flavour. Everything is a little too much but at the same time is not enough; You want him, need him, just as much as he does want you.  

You can feel yourself getting aroused again, your pussy clenching, missing the shape of his cock.  

Like this, you move your head slowly up and down, licking the rest of his cum along. It taste salty, it taste like him.

Jonathon's legs shake, groaning loudly. "Oh God-" The sounds he lets out are so- enticing. You love when he gets vocal, when he lets himself go and be drown on pleasure. You bob your head a little faster, tongue licking, tasting his pre-cum. He throws his head back, hand placed on your head, keeping you from pulling out. You dont mind, you want him to feel good, really good.  

You hook your hands on the hem of his pants, tugging them down until they are in the floor, leaving him completely exposed.  

Hands rest on his thights, slowly moving to his crotch where you grab his heavy balls, dragging your thumb by the edges. His whole body jolts up, hips bucking, burying his cock deeper inside your mouth, hot tears form in the corner of your eyes.  

You let him fuck your face at his own rythm, your hands occupied with his balls, squeezing them, massaging them.  

"Oh God- babe!"  

Thats right, you think, let yourself go.  

You feel his cock twitch, thrust becoming a little faster now.  

"Babe-!" He calls you, breathless. "I think Im-"  

Oh you can feel how close he is.  

You suck harder, faster.  

Jonathon shivers, his whole body at flame. You are sucking him so good, he loves to see your pretty lips around his cock, the feeling of your hands tugging and squeezing his already full balls.  

God! He wants to cum so badly! 

The moment you moan, your mouth so full of his dick that it comes all muffed, its the moment he loses it.  

He cums screaming your name, fists full of your hair and hips thrusting hard.  

In an instant, your mouth is overflowing his hot cum, its so much its choking you, forcing you to swallow to be able to breathe.  

Your own orgasm hits you, its all way too much, so much that your vision goes blurry.  

Its only when you feel his hands go limp on your head, that you pull out.  

His cock keep twitching as it softens, a string of cum still coming out of the tip.  

Your damn jaw feels numb. A small price to pay, you think, if he's able to relax.  

"Johnny?" You say, putting your hands on his thights to help you stand up.  

"I fucking love you" Its all he says when he meets your eyes. He looks like he just ran a marathon, sweaty and trying to catch his breath. You smile, taking a sit on his leg, moving his hair out of his face. "I love you so-so much"    

"I love you too Johnny" You say back, giving a quick kiss. You glance at his work table, a mess within another mess. Papers and tools on the floor, piles of books discarded. You dont even want to see if any of the papers on the floor had been....stained. "Should we...Clean that?"  

Jonathon follows your gaze.  

He groans, covering his eyes.  

"Not today"

[raspberrysmoon]

hello im alice welcome to my descendants rewrite. here is the plot of movie number one!

(this would be marketed to adults/older teens. this is not a hypothetical childrens movie. i do not own the rights to these characters, and will never make any money off of this project. enjoy!)

beginning is the same. bens corronation is mentioned, he has to have a good thing before he can get married and take the throne. he chooses a villain reformation program. he suggests the daughter of the evil queen, and the son of cruella de vil.

evie and carlos are easy to beat into submission. easy to make powerless. sick even the friendliest dog on carlos, and he'll do as you say. evie can be separated from others and her source of power (her mirror and her friends) are easily stripped.

(mal is too powerful to take, in this scenario. her magic makes her too difficult. jay is similar- he's a thief. you cant easily take that from him.)

they're taken, and separated from mal and jay. for them, this is life altering, more than moving and leaving their lives behind. the vks are attached at the hip. they have nothing but each other, and separating them destroys them.

so evie and carlos lash out. they hurt people, they fight, they prank and threaten to kill others and themselves. when asked, all they say are names. mal and jay. they refuse to give more information.

ben is.. easy to walk all over, for the vks. he needs this to work. he's thought about this program his whole life. he disregards his parents wishes, and calls for mal and jay to be brought off the isle.

and it works. the fight in evie and carlos dies in seconds. the moment they see their other half, they deflate. they stop struggling. they go still, silent. all four of them are cuffed but its better than being separated completely. mal and jay are drugged but its better than them being gone. this is better than they'd ever dreamed of getting.

mal and jay are kept in a room, locked away and heavily drugged. theyre too dangerous to be let out. they cant be forced to be kind. carlos and evie can. ans they are.

every time one of them acts up, ben holds up a set of keys. keys to mal and jay. and they're back to being quiet. well behaved. they act up, and ben threatens to send mal and jay back home. and theyre back to being quiet.

until it stops working. they stop getting better- they stagnate. sure, they're not being violent, but they're pulling pranks and being mean and nothing anyone does gets through to them.

except for mal and jay, of course. ben plans a day for the five of them (and several knights) to hang out and talk without bars or medication or cuffs. to reason with them. to meet in the middle of what they need.

what they need is to be together. not just visits once a week, but spending the day together. taking classes together. playing sports and joining clubs.

and ben pulls out a paper. and makes them sign a contract.

one week. if, in one week he notices no improvement, mal and jay are put back into their cell, and business moves as it had been. they walk away with five signatures on a paper, and no hands in cuffs.

its a lot of trust, to put in villains. ben is thoroughly chewed out for it.

but it works, to an extent. they get better. they start playing silly, harmless pranks. a balloon in a locker, temporary hair dye in soap or lotion. nothing even remotely harmful.

until they get bored. until mal finds a way to get to the wand. and they pounce.

they get the wand. nobodys quite sure how- honestly they arent, either. but they get it. and by god do they duplicate it. everyone on campus has a wand look-alike in their room. the vks have dozens, ben has dozens, they're everywhere.

and nobody can find the real one. only jay knows where it is, tucked away in the architecture of the school somewhere, easy to move but hard to find.

and they get stripped, basically. they're separated from one another completely, only able to communicate in letter form, all of which are read and analyzed by multiple staff members, as well as ben himself, who's devastated.

the program is deemed a failure, and the vks are locked away to be forgotten about for a few weeks while the kingdom figures their shit out.

they've overturned the entire kingdom, and the wand is gone.

there are two words, on jays shoulder. magically tattooed.

i know.

and three on mal's, matching jays in font and size

let us out.

and the movie ends.

[ellekhen]

Of Silk, Sun, and Sparks

Chapter 3 - A Helping Hand

Summary: Gale reflects on how far he, Astarion, and Church have come together since their earliest adventures. Church finds himself at the mercy of the fact that Gale and Astarion both know him far too well.

Pairing: Astarion/Male Tav/Gale (w/established Astarion/Male Tav) Rating: Explicit Length: 9K+ words; Chapter 3/5

Excerpt below:

The renowned Professor Dekarios of Blackstaff Academy rarely has a quiet mind. A flurry of information swirls inside and often spills out in the form of rambling yarns between his lips. 

That is to say, it’s not often that Gale finds himself speechless.

But now, as he watches his dear friend taste him in a way he once could only fantasize shamefully about…

…for the first time in ages, Gale’s mind goes blank. He feels the searing ring of Church lips surging down every inch of himself, as well as the soft cushion of the tongue that moves subtly beneath the weight of his erection.

And — oh dear — those are his hands currently gripping Church’s hair and cradling his jaw, aren’t they? Guiding the tiefling with an authority for which Gale certainly hasn’t been accredited. On Church’s other side, Astarion pulls him flush by the tail with a soft, awed groan as he begins to pulse into his partner.

Church moans in ecstasy, and the vibration around Gale sends a positively electrical wave of magic through every bit of him — and not the magic of the Mystral Weave, mind you. It’s the magic that can only be summoned when one of the few people with whom you have felt truly close shows how much they trust you, letting you take their body into your hands (literally, in this case,) and share in a pleasure that once could only be a dream.

Gale has pined for Church before — for months, really, during their dire, tadpoled adventure. He would wake up to see that soft, sunny smile, and fall asleep to fleeting memories of his friend’s warmth beside him. After the numerous skirmishes they had fought together, Gale could recognize the flavor of his friend’s magic in the air. It’s how he would know when the other’s party was approaching camp.

In time, however, the wizard began to see during these long-awaited returns that the flustered warlock was clearly falling for the seductive, manipulative whims of their resident vampire spawn. Gale hated to think of how Astarion must have been using Church for not just pleasure, but quite literally as a convenient camp provision. 

And yet, it really wasn’t Gale’s place to intervene. Once he learned of his fate and its tie to the Netherese Orb in his chest, Gale gave up the idea of a future at all.

It would be better to spare his friend any grief from the loss of him. It would be better for the world to continue on without the wizard that has only ever fucked up his life with his own silly ambition.

And still Gale dared to kiss Church in that supposedly isolated clearing on the border of the Last Light Inn’s moonshield. He kissed him in a stolen, impulsive moment, knowing that he shouldn’t dare to take advantage of his friend’s trust. 

But as much as Gale loathed himself for making an ass of himself, Church was… kind to him about it. He showed him the grace and love only a true friend could, before it all went to hell in the Shadowlands. And he showed Gale how to live for himself — to say fuck Fate, and find another way to save the world.

In the days after their adventure together, Gale took his friend’s words to heart. It was difficult to keep in touch with everyone in their party, but when that first letter finally arrived back from the Underdark where Church and Astarion had made their home, he felt so much relief. Honestly, the wizard found himself weeping with joy knowing that they were still alive — Church, Astarion, and the thousands of spawn including the Gur children. 

Gale saw how Astarion had made the risky decision to free the other spawn and spurn the seductive power of Cazador’s ritual. He knew that doing so would mean a continued life of dread even without his master, but at least he wouldn't become corrupted like the vampire lords that came before him. Astarion would still remain Astarion — that vain, self-centered hypocrite of a man who had helped pull Church out of his downward spirals and, for some reason, would grouchily insist upon fixing his companions clothes because, "that mismatched button was about to drive him to murder." 

Gale saw how the vampire spawn had burned in the sun as a consequence for his compassion. He feared for the companion who was not quite his friend at the time, but someone he couldn’t help but care for as a friend… whether he reciprocated or not.

In time, Astarion did begin to reciprocate. He supported Church’s visits to Waterdeep, and tolerated Gale’s presence in the Underdark as a gracious host. And then, when investigating a magical anomaly all went to hell and Gale and Astarion feared the worst for the vanished Church…

They had each other. They had a job to do. A problem to solve. A loved one to save from a world that would have killed him.

After that harrowing situation, everything changed for Gale and Astarion. It became commonplace for Gale to pick up his sending stone only to find Astarion on the other end. His vampiric friend would be bored and begging for gossip from the surface between rants about the affairs of the Underdark. They even began to muse together about possible options to help Astarion survive the sun and cure his vampirism. 

All the while, Gale fought down the desire to reveal Church’s secret that the tiefling was already working on crafting a solution.

It was worth it — it was all worth it, for when Gale saw his rather disheveled friends at the Simril party with rings glinting on their fingers and soft, secret smiles on faces, Gale’s heart sang for them.

They survived to live. To love. To be alone no longer.

[simslegacy5083]

Not So Berry (Straud Descendants) Gen 9

Today's (8/12/2024) Episode: Luigi's Big Idea

One evening shortly following “the mouse incident” Luigi and Noemi were working together at the dining table while Skye tried some banana slices.

When his wife’s smile as she told him about the mayor of Strangerville’s praise for their latest side job turned wistful and she sighed unhappily, Luigi paused his own modding work. “What’s wrong, honey?”

“Why is programming so fun but trying to identify new talent so difficult!?” she lamented “I’ve done everything I can think of to raise my charisma skill and yet I still have such a hard time in client meetings! My meds make me feel awful and barely seem to help. I need a win.”

“Right now,” he replied, “so do I. Everyone is still dragging my name through the mud after the last game, and honestly, I don’t know how much longer I can keep playing at this level. I’ve been going at it daily since I can remember, and my body is starting to get tired of it.”

He massaged his right wrist gently, wincing: “You know that’s the reason I had to use my own mouse that night.”

Noemi rolled her eyes at how her fiancée had unwittingly turned the conversation back to himself, as usual. “Well,” she finally said “you know you have my support whatever you decide to do. In the meantime, if you have any bright ideas for “the next big thing” in tech, let me know.”

Luigi knew she’d been joking, but as he glanced back down at his computer, which still displayed his latest, half finished, Sims Forever mod update, he realized he might have something to offer her. “Actually” he said, “there IS a project I’ve always thought it would be fun to develop someday”.

Now he had her interest. “What is it? I may suck at charming prospective clients and investors, but I definitely know an actionable tech idea when I hear one. Just don’t get mad at me if I have to shoot it down. If I can’t be brutally honest with my own spouse in my own house, when can I be?”

“When aren’t you!?” he said with a laugh “its one of the things I’ve always loved about you. Let’s get Skye to bed and I’ll tell you all about it”.

A few minutes later Noemi joined Luigi on the couch after the, as always, fussy Skye finally drifted off. “That mobile you installed is a lifesaver!”

Luigi, who’d been icing his hand, sat the spent pack down on the coffee table and turned to face his fiancée “You’re welcome” he grinned “Now, about that big idea I had. Sims Forever is a unique game. There’s nothing else quite like it on the market. I’ve loved it my whole life, but I also started modding because I wanted to enrich the storytelling aspect and fix some of the many bugs.”

He continued “What the game needs is competition. I’d love to develop my own life simulation game. Incorporate the good, eliminate the bad, and add gameplay that only exists in Sims Forever with mods. Do you think your bosses would be interested in something like that?”

Luigi saw the answer to his question in Noemi’s eyes, which were sparkling with delight “You know more about that specific genre than I do, but I think any game as popular as Sims Forever could use a little competition. It would certainly be a big undertaking, though! Even with me assisting you on the programming, we’d definitely need to recruit more talent.”

She continued “Having your name attached to the project will help garner interest. You were known in the Sims Forever modding community even before you became well known as a pro gamer. This seems like exactly the kind of thing I could bring to my bosses, if you’re serious about this and willing to write up a solid business proposal.”

Ever since they’d started talking Luigi had felt his excitement growing. “Honestly until tonight I didn’t realize how serious I was, but yes, I want to do this. I’ll have that business proposal on your desk soon boss”.

Noemi smiled wickedly as she stood up. “It sounds like you’re a very good boy who deserves a reward for all his hard work… don’t you think?”

Luigi obediently followed his wife to the bedroom, grinning broadly when she pulled their “costume trunk” out of the closet. They got into character and Noemi beckoned him close “You ready to party?” he nodded furiously replying “Absolutely. I’m all yours.”

View The Full Story of My Not So Berry Challenge Here

[sixthwater]

Hello! Due to a change in my life I've become quite busy, but I'll try and get some pacs out every once in a while. Also working on a few projects (with and without people), so look out for that! I've wanted to do this one for some weeks now, but it's just short messages that your guides or angels wanted to deliver to you, pretty straight-forward haha.

(Left → Right / Pile 1 → Pile 4)

Decks Used: Trickster's Journey, Tarot Familiars, Arcana of Astrology, featuring Sea Melodies & Language of Flowers

Disclaimer | Pinned | Tip Jar | Paid Readings

Pile One

Cards: X of Cups, The Lovers, Trickster Rx, II of Wands, IV of Swords, Ace of Wands, Ascendant, Pallas Athena

I can’t ignore the song that popped up. It reminded me of fan-art that a friend made decades ago for hxh; it was for the chimera ant arc from Killua’s ‘perspective’ and how, despite how much pain each side was going through, he would stay by his side as long as he could.

This pull is hinting at you being in a position of looking at your life and the possibilities ahead of you, but not authentically. Resembles someone quadruple checking their path or getting someone to tell them what to do with their life. The message here is not ‘just go out and live your life’ — while that is inherently true, it’s more along the lines to have a breather and take it day by day. They want you to find yourself, and through finding yourself you will find your path. I don’t know why I keep wanting to bring in The Magician, but this pile has undercurrents of its energy as well. It’s not so much manifestation, but it’s not giving up on your dreams or your desires — they’re on pause until you can figure yourself out. I wanted to cry as soon as Shake It Out started playing, so I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a lot of pent up frustration here. There is a rebirth coming for you guys, the timeline is going to be different for all of you. However you cant be born anew if you aren’t being authentic. Some advice/help might come from friends and family, but it’s all about exploring externally and internally. You might have been searching for this for quite some time...and honestly no amount of astrology or pick a cards will give you a definite answer, but spending time with yourself and figuring out what brings you joy will give you the direction that you need. You might be annoyed hearing this, but don’t rush the process and enjoy the ride, Sure Fire Winners is your end result after this frustrating trip.

Songs: Figure 8 – Ellie Goulding, Twin Machines – DBMK, What We Life For – American Authors, Shake It Out – Florence + The Machine

Pile Two

Cards: Death, VII of Wands, Wheel, III of Coins, Queen of Cups, VII of Wands, Eros, Pallas Athena, Third House

Interesting set of cards. I’m also having difficult describing your energy. You’re not being stubborn or combative, but you feel like people aren’t giving you the time of day or listening to you, which causes you to be stubborn or a solitary individual which makes people believe you’re not co-operative — is the best way I can describe it. A little of it feels reminiscent of being a push-over, but that’s sprinkled in?

Regardless, good news is on the way, but you have to meet it halfway. This is a learning experience for you, whatever it might be (work or higher learning). It’s definitely one of those lessons that will keep repeating until you learn it, so pay attention when it pops up. You need to sort what topics or issues you legitimately care about and refuse to budge on, and what can be sacrificed. This is a key element when working with others, because it’s a quality that is often balanced when dealing with others. People seek you out because you bring something to the table for them, but if you’re going to be stubborn or not shine to the point that they can simply find anyone, then you lose out. That’s where your double Seven of Wands comes in. This could manifest in people either questioning why they’re working with you, commissioning you, or you not budging for what you want to keep within a project. This could also be you proving some people wrong? Either way, it’s a message to stand your ground and not be overwhelmed by those trying to knock you down. There’s also a high chance that there will be a nurturing mentor to help you through this or they will give you some advice that you’ll carry with you long after this. With the owl staring at me on the Queen of Cups I’m moved to think this’ll be a figure that comes in. I think they’ll probably remind you of third house themes which is to balance listening as much as you’re talking. Sometimes what you’re so frustrated by or trying to figure out will be answered before you even have to ask it. Or maybe someone has a good idea that you haven’t thought of and you should give it a shot before brushing it off. The main message here is collaboration and working with people, knowing when to stand up for things and to just let things go, and becoming a new person after this. The skeleton in Death is holding an old skull and even on the Seven of Wands it’s a little chick that just hatched; there’s a lot of beginnings after this uncomfortable period but you will learn a lot about yourself and possibly learn a lot of new skills! (From all the songs, maybe this is your first job?)

Songs: Something Good Can Work – Two Door Cinema Club, It’s Time – Imagine Dragons

Pile Three

Cards: X of Swords, Page of Swords Rx, X of Wheel Rx, Empress Rx, Queen of Wands Rx, VII of Wands Rx, The Sun Rx, Mars, Waning Gibbous Moon, Eighth House

It’s pretty obvious where you are right now, so I’m not going to get into it — I don’t believe you want me rehashing it either. You are being urged to rebuild your confidence little by little and push for what you want in your situation. I think a good portion of this though is sharing how you feel. Being comfortable with expressing your emotions or your darker issues with others instead of trying to hold onto all of this. It doesn’t feel like a shadow trait, more like bad news/a situation, but you need to lean on someone to help you. I’ve been re-watching Regular Show and this is similar to the episode where Skips was ignoring his stress killing him and everyone had to force him to deal with it and let them help. Usually I see The Sun reversed as shining too bright to the point of exhaustion or just being a little gloomy but it’s resembling The Star reversed, which worries me. You just need to take it slow and work on yourself, but absolutely you need to rely on others and don’t feel like you’re too much or you’re not meeting standards that society or you set for yourself. We all need breaks or we all get tired, it’s impossible to be in top shape all the time, so give yourself some time to get back up there. Yes, sitting in your sadness is not helpful, but you need to be able to go through it’s motions so you know what you’re purging in the first place. I’m going to pull some more clear advice/upbeat cards for you guys:

Reflect, Optimism, Azalea, Jonquil

Reflect: Peer into the endless ocean and see what peers back  Optimism: After each rainstorm, there will be clear skies  Azalea, Temperance: Find balance and be centered  Jonquil, Power: Take hold of what you know is yours

Songs: Fall to Pieces – Avril Lavigne, Love Die Young – Eric Nam, Ain’t No Mountain High Enough – Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell, Grip! – Every Little Thing

Pile Four

Cards: VI of Wands, Strength Rx, IV of Wands, VII of Cups Rx, King of Pentacles, The Hierophant, Solar Eclipse, Chiron, Leo

Experiencing impostor syndrome right now, or not wanting the spotlight on you despite...accomplishing something worth celebrating honestly. I’m weirdly taking strength quite literally, like feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders and being crushed by it. The imagery looks as such and its between two celebratory cards — or ones that can show being celebrated or being in high regards in immediate surroundings. I know you want to, but don’t run back to a ‘shell’ or what’s safe. Try and make new safe spaces or make a routine to soothe yourself, because you should embrace your wins and take pride in what you did. I don’t know what you guys did, but more opportunities are coming your way, so embrace the new and change. It might keep coming or it might just be some fun new experiences for this time in your life. Make sure to tread carefully and whatever you say yes to; you want to say yes to. Don’t just agree to whatever. There are signs of looking for a community or mentor to lean on or stick by, and it’s encouraged as well. There’s a mix of taking on this new energy because it’ll be good for you or your future (experiences or just in general), and grounding yourself because you’re in a flight reflex right now. This might be due to a past scar, because the wolves look as if they’re protecting something but ready to hurt me, and I love wolves as well as this card. Either way, you should be celebrating with everyone else the milestone you accomplished, being mindful of your next steps, being open to change, and I’m wishing you the best.

Songs: When the Levee Breaks – A Perfect Circle, Raging (ft. Kodaline) – Kygo, Have Faith In Me – A Day To Remember

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

hey remember that turo cuddling ask? yeah let’s call that the trauma au. and let’s say the reader manages to tame the aggressive miraidon somehow and gets it to apologize to turo for scaring and nearly killing him. idk i just feel like even tho he was kinda a shitty dad he deserves a good ending too <3 -galaxy (also hope ur doing well and eating n drinking properly! take care of urself k?) :]

"Groawl..."

"You're welcome." A light smile formed on your lips as you unclasped the iron muzzle around Miraidon's snout, letting it drop to the floor with a loud clank. "Now we're gonna try this again."

You kneeled down in front of it, slowly reaching your hand out to the side of its face.

Chuffing, the electric dragon averted its gaze, but allowed you to gently pet it anyways. It took every circuit in its body not to bite your hand off and sink its mechanical teeth into your flesh.

Even if it absolutely wanted to, your Iron Valiant bodyguard was present, and their pointed glare made it strongly reconsider.

Seeing that it finally learned some self-control, you couldn't hold back your grin as you fed it a sitrus berry. "Good job, M-2. I appreciate you not biting me this time."

So far, you've been making excellent progress with retraining this aggressive Miraidon. You called it "M-2" to distinguish it from the first Miraidon brought back through the time machine.

But honestly, you feared this wouldn't even be possible...as this exact same Miraidon nearly killed Turo after he intervened in a territorial dispute between the two paradox Pokémon.

Neither of you could've predicted just how hostile the second specimen was going to be...nor the catastrophic damage that a single Electro Drift could do to an entire research station. It ended up crumbling down, but by Arceus' blessing Turo managed to survive....albeit barely.

While his AI got him immediate medical treatment, you had your Iron Valiant knock out the aggressive Miraidon so you could put it in a containment cell. Then you dealt with the more docile Miraidon that was wounded in the ordeal. It tried fleeing Area Zero out of fear for its life, but you convinced it to stay.

You couldn't let the media find out about its existence, especially not after learning an Iron Treads somehow escaped to the surface, apparently lured out by herba mystica.

Keeping this project from spiraling out of control was getting more difficult by the day, and you feared that soon this "paradise" that your partner dreamed of would fall to pieces.

Yet..even mentioning putting a pause on the time machine had Turo freaking out and nearly tearing out his IVs. Despite remaining critically injured, he denied you any sort of special permission to shut it down.

Not even if, god forbid, he couldn't be around to do that.

Although his AI did see the logic in your reasoning and agreed that you should have access to it...his programming wouldn't allow it. Even if you managed to override the security locks, he'll be forced to attack you with a team of powerful future paradox Pokémon who could calculate your every move.

You know because you've tried it in the past after a heated argument.

Not even your strongest team could outsmart the AI...and you marveled at how your partner could make a replica of himself this advanced for the sake of preserving the project.

Just how much time did he have down here by himself after Sada left?

In the end, you gave up on any hopes of convincing him, instead focusing on other matters like his health and population control in Area Zero.

You'd report to him on the conditions of both Miraidons...although he remained very much afraid of M-2, refusing to see it for a long time.

He had a lot of sleepless nights and would wake up screaming at times if he accidentally fell asleep on his desk, all the nightmares involving the attack. Not to mention he became more clingy to you whenever M-1 was in the same room as you both.

He still got quite jumpy around it, even though the two are distinguishable by their personalities..and the fact that, until now, they remained in different battle modes.

But you made a promise to him that you'll try to tame M-2. Of course he didn't want you to be anywhere near it. He begged you to lock it away, claiming "we can always get another one".

Though you believed it deserved a chance to redeem itself. You understood that it was just angry and confused at this world it was brought back into unwillingly...and then seeing another Miraidon only made its temperament worse.

With those things under control, though, you figured it was time that Turo saw the progress you've made. It wasn't a "lost cause" like he feared.

The fact that M-2 obeyed your request to enter its pokeball showed that maybe....it did feel guilty over the incident, after all.

Maybe it would be too prideful to admit that, though.

Regardless, you notified Turo's AI that you'll be arriving with M-2, before you and Iron Valiant headed to the teleporter. It took you both down to the lowest-leveled lab where your partner was currently working.

You can only pray to Arceus above that nothing goes wrong this time.

.........

"N-No..please lock that thing back up! I told you not to bring it down here!!"

"Honey, it's okay-"

"It tried to kill me! How can that be okay with you?!"

"...I tamed it. It's not going to attack either of us ever again."

"..you..did..?" Turo was shaking all over. He could feel his heart hammering in your chest as his gaze remained fixated on the temperamental Miraidon at your side.

It just gave you a side-eyed glance, as though to say "I told you this was a bad idea". But you patted its head, smiling when it didn't hiss at you this time around. "See? It's okay."

Even your partner was astonished, yet he couldn't help but flinch as its digital blue eyes flickered back to him. He felt like a child who was scared of a Driftloon taking him away--it felt pathetic at best...yet he couldn't help it at all.

"I detect the Professor's heartrate increasing rapidly-"

"Thank you for the diagnosis, T." Waving off his AI's concerns, you looked at M-2, hands on your hips. "Now listen up, Miraidon. I think you owe him an apology for your actions. I know you were just acting on instinct back there, but...if we're ever gonna move forward from that and work together..I would like you to do this one thing for me."

"..agiasss..." It raised its haunches.

"...please?"

"......garowl.." Looking back to Turo, it closed its eyes and bowed its head, showing respect towards him...something he didn't think was possible until now.

The professor was utterly speechless. All he could do was swallow nervously, take a breath and shakily exhale, before he finally managed to speak to it.

"I-I....understand. It was my own fault, really. I..I should have known better than to get between you two, but--I was afraid you'd--"

When his eyes met M-2's bright blue digital ones, he clammed up again. But he felt your hand gently take his arm, and he glanced at you with tearful eyes. "..this is going to...take some time.." He shuddered. "But..thank you.."

"Of course." Smiling, you gave him a kiss on the lips, which helped him calm down as he realized you were still okay. "T? Would you mind escorting M-2 back to its quarters? You can reward it with some berries I left on the table."

The Miraidon in question huffed, rolling its eyes like a moody teenager. But it obeyed and allowed AI Turo to seal it back inside its pokeball, before he departed via the green teleporter.

Only when they vanished did Turo feel like he could breathe fully again. You thought he was going to start ranting about how you've been keeping this huge secret behind his back when he specifically told you not to engage with this Miraidon-

Instead, though, he just pulled you into a hug, still trembling. "How did you do it? Did you reprogram it to listen to you?"

"No, I just...did my best to understand its feelings, that's all." You wrapped your arms around him, rubbing his back as you slowly helped him calm down again.

"...I-I see, and...you're certain it won't turn on us?"

"As long as we give that Miraidon the respect it deserves, then we should be good. The next step will be reintroducing it to the first one, but we can worry about that another day."

Turo didn't say anything to that, only nodding and holding you tighter, relieved that you were alright.

It's good to see him physically recovering. Emotionally was..going to take a long while, but you'll be here for him.

You'll be here for each other.

[mareenavee]

Fic Authors Self Rec!

Tagged by the indominable @kookaburra1701! Rules:

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love!

I love this. OKAY LET'S GO. Tell me about how proud you are of your work, friends. You've come so far <3

Tagging: @paraparadigm, @polypolymorph, @changelingsandothernonsense, @thana-topsy, @dirty-bosmer, @thequeenofthewinter, @gilgamish, @archangelsunited, @throughtrialbyfire, @expended-sleeper, @ladytanithia and YOU yes if you see this, talk kindly about your writing journey and TAG ME BACK <3

Below the cut because I do be ramblin' (: They're not really in any particular order, I just love them all for different reasons.

1) If We Knew Anything At All

This one was a hell ship prompted by a list that Topsy shared with a bunch of us and I had a brainwyrm, then ended up crying while I wrote the end of it. Quite possibly one of my favorite ever pieces. This one is both the inevitable end to my fic universe and something completely outside time. How did I manage this? Via Sheogorath's voicing. I don't think it gets more unreliable than that.

2) Metempsychosis

A very dear friend and fantastic teammate I met through Skywind sent me this prompt and it gave me such an excellent challenge not only to flex on weird god voice stuff again, but also to bust out some spoken word poetry tricks. I did end up recording myself reading this one too and it felt like old times. I loved all the layers of references I shoved into 1,000 words. It is also my first Morrowfic. And also one that reminded me what I am capable of even more strongly than some of my other projects did. 🥰

3) Serpens Caput

This one is newer, yes BUT OH MY GODS what a flex it was. ANOTHER Morrowfic but it's set in Ceth's fic universe featuring not only major character death but the mindset of a villain in his final moments. And we get to see Danger!Josh through his eyes. It was WEIRD. WEIRD WEIRD but so much fun. I don't think I've yelled so much about a fic whilst writing before. Ceth threw me this prompt, but I don't think was expecting this to end up...being this way (: Borrowed the description of Teldryn and Nerevar from her universe and just RAN WITH IT.

4) Little Dragon

This was written as part of my cute, happy LDB!Athis polycule AU where nothing is quite as horrifically messy as my main fic universe. It is a different kind of catharsis to write, often fun and humorous and a flex in that direction, since I didn't know what i was capable of—I always write pining and heartbreak lol. This came about as part of a fic writer's duel with AU (judged by Poly) which was honestly one of the coolest fandom experiences I've ever been in. It has become its own thing now with multiple other stories and I've been in yet another fandom duel since then. So it's all cute fuzzy feelings and happy memories and I love it to bits.

and last but certainly not least:

5) The World on Our Shoulders

My longfic which throws characters into extremely tough situations, handles horribly difficult themes and topics, shows people being messy and still finds ways to show it all with grace. It's what got me out of my multi-year writing slump and truly, truly brought me back to myself. So yes maybe some of the characters have some of my irl nonsense. Some scenes are far too relatable and it's a little scary sometimes how horrible that is, but it's a different kind of Catharsis. I love also the support its gotten so far for its specific type of storytelling structure as well as all the weird details that sprawl into other stories (Like my honorable mention written for Para, Recurse) and sequels and spin offs. It's been a great joy to be writing this and it's continued to inspire me. From draft one, which I wrote in challenge mode, posting every day this last February to now, where I am mid-ground-up-edit, I love this project to bits and will do all I can to see it through to the end. I see how much I can accomplish in this project. I see what can be done with common tropes and themes and even Fic in general. It's unalienated labor that I do for the sheer hell of it because I can and it's mine and I don't have to follow The Rules. There's something beautiful about that. It's one reason I get up at the crack of dawn every day -- to write for the sake of writing. Out of spite sometimes for all the ways the world tries to crush this kind of self expression out of us. This is my gem of a project. And I am proud of it and how far I've come since I started it. (:

So now it's your turn, if you got this far. Why do you write? How have your favorite fics you've written changed your perspective on the craft so far?

[notnickel]

cooking something up. I have something entirely different (and considerably less angsty) on the front burner, but I figured I might as well share some WIP snippets of a side project :) unhinged rambling/explanation below cut, transcription in image desc.

The basic premise I've been working under is Sebastian having to clean out Solomon's home after inheriting it. Ominis, of course, tags along. Honestly I just like writing grief. I imagine Sebastian would have a complicated relationship over mourning Solomon- his uncle, his adversary, his caretaker, dead by his hand. Solomon isn't really portrayed as the world's greatest parent figure, and I find that coupled alongside the guilt and grief over what's transpired to be really fascinating topics to write about.

Sebastian isn't really sure how to feel about it, if you couldn't tell! He's definitely not dealing the best. Perhaps it's his fault for being so fun to write when he's struggling. Sorry, Seb! Ominis is doing his best to be supportive, which is understandably difficult in its own right. He's mainly worried about Sebastian, but in theory (I haven't fleshed this part out exactly) I'm thinking that perhaps he's facing a pressure from his parents for what he's going to do once he graduates. If I'm going to fuck Sebastian up I feel like it's only fair that Ominis doesn't make it out of this unscathed too, lol.

The fic itself is still in that early planning stage where there are bits and pieces everywhere, and no doubt these snippets will get changed at some point. I'm not sure if this one will ever make it out of my drafts, but I am quite fond of it and if anyone is looking for more, you're free to DM me :) I do enjoy talking about them.

[curiouslycaffeinatedcephalopod]

entry 03

do not be afraid to use technology if using paper based methods of note taking, planning and scheduling and journaling.

when i first started my research project i was afraid of using only applications and software such as Notion, drives for storage, Microsoft Word AI grammar assistance etc. I was afraid because i was told (and anxious about it myself) that i could lose my data and information if i didn't have a backup on paper.

this resulted in me not quite meeting my weekly deadlines with tasks and goals because i was spending time "backing up" all my data, planning, schedules, meeting notes, everything.

Whilst i definitely agree with others that you should have a back up, a lot of these applications and software are so well developed and have really well functioning servers, there is such a minimal chance of just losing everything. it would be more logical to make back ups on other storage platforms/drives than keeping everything in paper AS WELL. this is so time consuming and sends you in a panic every time you need to upload data, write notes, prepare documents, edit documents, review data and leaves you with notes you made hastily (and anxiously) which often times never even helped me as the notes were illegible because i was in such a rush.

of course, a paper based method for laboratory notes is a good idea as devices are not recommended in the labs if you're working with biological matter/chemical substances - pencil down your notes and then you can go home if you have the time and the need to write it onto a notion page or type up a document so that you can review the protocol and how you performed during and the outcomes, any changes you may need to make etc.

you can use notion for your research scheduling and planning and just keep a very simple bullet journal/notebook for day to day notations and planning. i had been told to make sure i have a paper based record of everything i wrote on my notion but i think you can keep an abbreviated version and rather keep a copy pasted document of this and/or screenshots and store that across multiple drives (or one if you're not an anxious academic like me, haha).

if anyone tells you how you should do something so intricately personal to each student/researcher because they do not like the interface you use (yes, i was told i should not use the one thing that has worked for me because it was too difficult for the other party to understand or review), it is obviously nice and kind to try and provide things a format they understand, but do not stop doing the thing you enjoy and that actually helps you reach your goals.

context for number 3:

i found notion through various content creators in the research realm, with mixed recommendations ranging from yes it works well to no not for me. i struggle with planning and procrastinating and academic challenges so i decided to give it a go. honestly, the fact that it was aesthetically customisable was a big plus. that is just simply something that makes me want to work. the next thing was its cross compatibility with other apps and software i used, primarily google. it helped me keep track of upcoming meetings, events and urgent tasks and provided a way for me to visually see my progress. but someone i was wokring with, whose opinion mattered very much to me, had mentioned that they were not a fan and that they did not have the time to use the interface, even though the interface was not our primary mode of communication regarding my research project, it was simply a way for them to see how i was spending my time or planning to as a student of theirs. needless to say, i gave up because their way took way too much time already. it is not a problem or a topic that requires someone to blame, i just was in the midst of an already overwhelming time in my project and had to just do what i needed to survive (lol).

anyways, the lesson i learnt was, after falling a couple months behind because of poor planning and compatibility with how i was going about my most important component of my research was that you really need to prioritise the thing that works for you. whether that is paper based or digital.

but you cannot spend every moment fearing that notion will drop off the face of the earth with all your notes and plans along with it. i wasted so much time stressing and creating paper and digital back ups of EVERYTHING. i have now had to spend essentially a month organising things across multiple emails and drives just to get a start on my next big project. the most important lesson will definitely be that you need to train and teach yourself to know what are things that require a back...

you do not need 17 backups, paper and digital of plans passed and plans to come, you will quickly be reminded or be able to recall most such things as they will stress you out and haunt you so much anyways.

however you certainly do need a sufficient back up of data that belongs to the university as part of your project, or any personal methods of tracking such things.

anyways, sorry for the long rambles i post, i am using tumblr as a way to have a blog until i can actually get a website and publish better and more concise posts. i hope you still enjoy reading or at least find some solace or advice in between it all!

[landofzero-archive]

Your Yorishiro - Trouble talking 5

Writer: Kanata Haruka

Season: Winter

(Location: Meeting Room)

(Several days later. Meeting Room inside the ES building.)

Adonis: Thank you, Anzu. You’ve given us so many of these letters.

Nagisa: …… You went out of your way to print this out for us. It must have been difficult to carry these all the way here, thank you.

…… We just have to choose between all these concerns to discuss on the show, right?

Adonis: It’s going to be hard to choose between them. Anyway, it feels like we can look over everything by today.

Mm? Ah,  we’ll be fine. Today we’ll just be reading the letters here.

That’s why you shouldn’t be bothered by us, Anzu. You can go to your next job. Thank you for personally coming all the way to see us.

Nagisa: …… Anzu-san seems so busy.

Adonis: It hasn’t even been a month since the new year. It seems like she’s busy with project planning for a new TV program. 

Nagisa: …… Is that so? We should work hard too so that we don’t become a burden for Anzu-san.

…… It would be better for us to pick a concern quickly to write that script in advance.

Adonis: Yes. It’s great that we were able to find a solution thanks to talking to Sakasaki.

Rather, I wonder why we were so convinced that we had to answer those concerns on the spot?

Now that I think about it, there is no way we would have been recording without reading through the content first.

Nagisa: …… Yes. It seems that we were both too hasty. We were convinced that we would have to be answering those concerns on the spot.

…… But I hope that by preparing the answers in advance, we can approach the actual day with ease of mind.

Adonis: Still, there are so many. I didn’t realize that everyone has such a large amount of concerns.

Is there any concern that got your attention, Ran-senpai?

Nagisa: …… There’s one that says ”I accidentally ate too many sweets. Please tell me the ways to avoid getting fat.”

Adonis: ……? Isn’t it fine if they just exercise?

Nagisa: …… I think so too. The solution is obvious. However, I’m wondering why they don’t do that.

…… Maybe there’s some sort of special reason that prevents them from exercising.

Adonis: …… If that’s the case, it would be difficult for me to give them advice.

Anyone can move their bodies. If they can’t, I can only assume that it must have something to do with circumstances out of their control.

Nagisa: …… Did you find an interesting concern, Adonis-kun?

Adonis: Yes. I think the concern “English is so difficult that I ended up getting bad marks on my tests. Are there any good ways to study?” is interesting.

I really understand that learning languages is difficult. Even now I’m still uneasy about whether or not I’m understanding Japanese properly.

Nagisa: …… But your Japanese is quite good. I can see that you’ve studied.

Adonis: I just naturally picked it up since I have been going back and forth between Japan and my home country since I was little.

But still, I worked hard to learn Japanese. In the end, I can’t say anything except that honestly studying will bear fruit.

Is it fine to bring up this concern in the show?

Nagisa: …… I wonder. At the very least, it might be lacking in excitement. We can only point out the obvious, huh.

Adonis: That’s right. I’m kind of not convinced that this can lead to those concerns being resolved properly.

Nagisa: …… Let’s look at the other concerns. There are so many other ones.

…… Let’s calmly look for concerns that even we can solve.

(A few hours later)

Adonis: …… How is it, Ran-senpai? Did you find any concerns that look like something we can solve?

Nagisa: …… I don’t know. “To choose” or rather, not knowing which one is the correct choice is difficult.

Adonis: Is that so? I can’t seem to find a concern that I’d be able to solve either.

Actually, is there even a concern that we can solve within these concerns……

Nagisa: …… It could be that thinking that we could solve them is arrogant in its own way.

Adonis: What do you mean by that?

Nagisa: …… I thought about it a little. All the concerns piled up here must be serious concerns for the people who sent them in.

…… We’re at a position to choose between these serious concerns, the ones that we think we could solve.

…… Just like the arrogant act of choosing who to save. Are we really equipped with the capacity to do something like that?

Adonis: It’s just like what you said, Ran-senpai. By all means, I guess we should be trying to answer every concern compiled here……

Hm? It seems someone’s knocking on the door.

Kaoru: That’s great. It seems you’re here. Hi, Adonis-kun, Ran-kun. Is your meeting going well?

Adonis: Hakaze-senpai!? Why are you here……?

Kaoru: I was with Anzu-chan up ‘til a little while ago. We were working at the same location today.

Since I left early, she asked me to come see how the two of you are doing if I had the time.

I was the one who recommended Adonis-kun to be my substitute this time, after all. In the dorms, I heard from Ran-kun that you were having a hard time, so I thought I could lend you some help.

Nagisa: …… Thank you. You would be a real help, Kaoru-kun. Actually, right now–

(A few minutes later)

Kaoru: Ahaha, you two are really serious people. I can’t believe it turned into such a magnificent story……

If you dwell on it that much, no matter how much time passes, it won’t be enough, you see?

Nagisa: …… As you said, time is limited. Besides, thinking that we would be able to answer all the concerns is the true arrogance.

Adonis: …… That’s true. That’s why we have a responsibility to choose the things that we can solve.

Kaoru: So strict! Well, I guess that sort of seriousness and single-mindedness is a good trait for the both of you.

Okay. For now, let’s stop thinking about it in the “We have to solve it by all means” way.

Nagisa: …… Why is that? I think it's important to solve the concerns since they’re asking for advice.

Kaoru: Still, in the end what we can do in the TV show is just to give advice. We won’t be able to know they get resolved, right?

Adonis: …… It's definitely as you said.

Kaoru: That’s why the important thing is for you two to find a concern that you can relate to.

Adonis: A concern that we can relate to……

Kaoru: For example, if it was me, I’d pick this one. A love-related concern. “There is someone I’m interested in. How should I try to talk to them?”

The sort of feeling that when they see them, they want to cheer them on. Well, it’ll be a problem too if that’s all they do.

The important thing here is for you to be able to chat about it.

Nagisa: …… Basically, it’s fine to find something that the two of us can easily talk about?

Kaoru: If we’re being straight to the point, that’s it. Did you find some suitable concerns?

Nagisa: …… Mm. I think this one is good. I think it should be easy to talk to Adonis-kun about.

Adonis: Indeed. If it’s this, I might have something to talk about too.

Thank you. Thanks to your advice, Hakaze-senpai, it feels like we’ve moved a step forward.

Nagisa: …… Kaoru-kun is good at giving people advice, I see.

Kaoru: That wasn’t what I was trying to do though. Anyway, I’m glad to be able to do something for the two of you.

Previous | Directory | Next

[mwolf0epsilon]

To say he wasn't quite expecting the spectacle that awaited them in the medbay was an understatement. Although, that said, he doubted anyone could conjure up the absolute abomination Olly had laid eyes upon.

Truthfully, when he'd decided to accompany Rhythm when the new medic called for him, Olly really didn't think he'd be faced with...

Well, this...

"What in the fresh hell...?" For once he let his voice go a little higher than usual as he stared at the bizarre setup. The harness itself was fairly standard. The B1 droid torso strapped to it not so much. The thick cables connecting the back of its head to the medic even less so.

"This, gentlemen, is revolutionary homebrewed medical engineering." The tinny voice of a standard B1 proclaimed, while the medic grinned wildly with unabashed delight.

"Stars... That is... Wow." Rhythm was caught between sounding impressed, stupefied and honestly a little afraid. "Is it safe?"

"Seeing as the test is going well without signs of major discomfort and/or painful death on my end?" The medic shifted his weight from one leg to the other. The B1 torso remained motionless, basically little more than a prop. "I'd say so!"

"Death was on the table?!"

"Wait... Are you back to doing trial runs on yourself...?"

"I would never do onto a patient anything I couldn't be sure is safe. I might technically be signed up as the dental expert, but you'll find I have a lot of other proficiencies and a fine work ethic!" The medic proclaimed, the tinny voice sounding mildly offended. "That said, this process has been quite difficult to iron out, unlike the other projects I've dabbled in... It's not as straight forward as an extraction, or a root canal, or even making a crutch that both aids you in getting around and with reaching high shelving when your range of shoulder joint movement is severely impaired... So uh, yeah, I needed someone to be here in case something went wrong."

"That's... Teeh that's a little... Dangerous." Rhythm winced. Olly agreed.

"It is... But sometimes a leap of faith is what gets things going. And while I trust you all to respect me when I sign... I can't say the same for everyone else on this planet..." He insisted with a slight frown.

This Olly understood as well. There had been instances where the mute medic had been deliberately ignored when he'd expressed concerns. Sure this contraption was a little insane from conceptualization to execution, but it would certainly make it harder for people to ignore him. Especially with such an outstandingly grating voice.

At the end of the day it was no different from the various custom-fitted crutches, canes, hoverchairs, prosthetics and other assorted items Tongue Twister had made for the vode who needed that little extra bit of help getting by. Everyone deserved some independence.

"Plus when has anyone ever heard a Clanker say 'I'm gonna fuck your mum' in several different languages?"

Olly sighed in exasperation while Rhythm let out a startled laugh. Of course.

[shychick-52]

Gosalyn, Gandra, Fenton, and the Solego Circuit

So, in this post and this post, I talked about the ways the twist reveal about Gandra's secret relationship with Fenton and her secretly being good came off as clunky and confusing when it was revealed in 'Beaks In the Shell.'

But one thing I want to specifically focus on is her role in sabotaging what was perhaps Gosalyn's only chance at finding her grandfather in whatever dimension he was stuck in.

At the end of 'Let's Get Dangerous', Darkwing urged Gos not to give up on trying to get back her grandfather, saying "Launchpad knows some super scientists!" (implying that Team Science might help, eeeeeee), and then promised he'd help her find him. The Solego Circuit and its plans- one of the Missing Mysteries, and the key that could open doorways to other dimensions- was left with Darkwing (even tho Gosalyn was forced to destroy the Ramrod machine, which needed the Solego Circuit to bring in things and people from other dimensions; it was still their only hope, and they probably planned to use the plans for the Solego Circuit to build a new device like the Ramrod).

In the episode right after that one, 'Escape From the ImpossiBin', Bradford had Gandra hack into the Bin's new-and-improved, so-called impenetrable security system while Scrooge and some of the family were testing it, which turned out to be an elaborate distraction to keep the Ducks busy so that F.O.W.L. could steal the Missing Mysteries the family had found so far...

...including the Solego Circuit and its plans, Gosalyn's only hope of recovering her grandfather. In St. Canard, Steelbeak got the drop on Darkwing at his hideout and stole them:

(Darkwing: *on the phone to Scrooge* "...Some bruiser with a steel beak!")

("Didn't catch his name. Stole the Solego Circuit plans!")

Here's the thing, though. In 'Let's Get Dangerous', it was established that Darkwing and Fenton talked all night for days, trying to figure out a way to get Gosalyn's grandpa back (Darkwing was presumably friends with Fenton- who designed his AI supercomputer and crime-fighting tech- through Launchpad, but I digress). And, like I said, it was implied at the end of that episode that Fenton (along with the help of Team Science) would continue to help Darkwing and Gos save Dr. Waddlemeyer.

I know Gandra had no real loyalty to F.O.W.L. (she was only following orders, and had to make it appear to them she was really on their side for her safety) and was secretly in a relationship with Fenton, and was using the money she got from F.O.W.L. to help build her and Fenton's top-secret VR project, and planned to quit as soon as it was finished... but even though it wasn't entirely Gandra's fault, did Fenton know she was partly responsible for Gosalyn losing her only chance at getting her grandfather back?? I'm sure he at least knew the Solego plans were stolen, since Darkwing was in regular contact with him. And since Fenton wanted to help Gosalyn get her grandfather back, I'm sure he felt terrible for her!

Honestly, I think Gandra probably did tell Fenton she had no choice but to follow Bradford's orders to distract the Ducks so that F.O.W.L. could steal the found Missing Mysteries, and I'm sure she felt really bad about Gosalyn too- she probably knew about Gos from Fenton- and I'm sure Fenton still understood that Gandra was in a difficult position. It's a really interesting conflict/drama I wish they would've had time to talk about in either 'Beaks In the Shell' or 'The Last Adventure'; it definitely would have been something to bring up in a fourth season!

This makes things even more difficult when you think about how grateful Gosalyn was to Fenton for his efforts in trying to help her get her grandpa back. It was implied in 'The Last Adventure' that Gosalyn knew how badly Fenton was missing his girlfriend (heck, Fenton talked to Drake and Launchpad about how worried he was about her at the beginning of that episode) in the scene where the kids insisted on coming with the adults to storm the Lost Library:

(Gosalyn: "Fenton tried to help me get my people back. I'm gonna to the same for him!")

I mean, I'm sure Gosalyn knew by then that Fenton's girlfriend was a former F.O.W.L. agent who betrayed F.O.W.L. and got captured for it (Drake and Launchpad knew, according to their convo with Fenton in the beginning of this episode, and the twist about Gandra really being good was known ever since 'Beaks In the Shell;' and in 'The Last Adventure', she was even included on Webby's extensive family board). But did she actually know about Gandra's role in the Solego plans getting stolen?? Because if she did- even though Fenton had tried to help Gosalyn- how didn't she feel betrayed by him (one of Darkwing Duck's closest friends and allies, no less) for secretly associating with not only an 'enemy' the whole time, but one who played a significant part in dashing her last hope of getting her grandfather back? How didn't Darkwing feel betrayed by his friend, since he vowed to help Gos find a way to bring her grandfather??

And yes, they likely recovered all the Missing Mysteries- including the Solego key and plans- when they left the Lost Library in the end of 'The Last Adventure' (even tho it wasn't actually shown).

[radiocity]

honestly, what's your take on the l word? atp i can't tell if it's just shit but i'm too far along to stop. the 5th and 6th seasons seem to be done in a complete different tone too and there's so many problematic aspects just slapped in for unecessary drama. still.. i like the main characters a lot and it is representation at the end of the day. Maybe it would've been cooler if they just did more of a 'slice of life' thing instead of 'drama rama cheating on people is like a slip of the hand thing due to the strong nuclear force'

anyway interested in your take, what do you think are the well- and badly- handled aspects of the show, how do you reflect on the story and character building?

stay cool out there (◕‿◕)♡

MY TAKE ON THE L WORD? getting this ask made me so excited you have no idea how much I love talking about the l word. So excited in fact that I wrote 6165 words about it, sorry, I am so severely unemployed right now. here, I talk about my thoughts, some theory, and then break down some of the intrinsic problems with the show, specifically how it thinks about gender and nonconformity, race, and transgender identities, within the scaffolding of it being a show concerned with women who have relationships with other women, rather than necessarily a truth of lesbianism. i’m citing various linked sources and very loosely using an academic approach, but it’s more like a messy collage of sources than it is a fully fleshed out argument and narrative! if you want the tl;dr, I’d recommend scrolling to the final 3 paragraphs

tbh I haven’t watched it in a while but I really want to rewatch the whole thing and go back to my gif series instead of just making random sets (don’t be put off by my absence its bc I was doing my master’s degree and then I got really sick) and maybe thinking so intensely about tlw these past 3 days will inspire me into it .

I’d be really interested in hearing any thoughts on response to any of this, even though it’s not particularly well written or formulated, so feel free to drop a message/reply/response anywhere if u or anyone else is compelled to. anyway response under the cut ->

so, my opening thoughts on the l word revolve around two things: there is nothing about this show that makes it an inherently lesbian show, and that it functions as a product of its time, not in culture but in Hollywood and show running. the imagined audience of TLW isn’t necessarily the modern ‘sapphic’ audience watching things like First Kill (2022), Do Revenge (2022), or Crush (2022) which are all, generally, pointed towards a younger audience seeking things like validation and romantic projection (from what I understand, and I’ll admit I haven’t watched any of these! But I have read synopsis and seen clips, so I’ll watch soon I promise). I do think this conversation has re-emerged a little in the growing conversations about wanting sexy lesbians having sex, which is a conversation that surrounded Love Lies Bleeding (LLB, 2024) for quite a while, repeating this argument that what lesbians want isn’t romance or tension, but sex, real sex, sex on screen and sex on TV. of course, it’s a little difficult for showrunners to ‘do’ sex or sexual content without it being so brazenly for men – and here I’ll step out and say when, in this context, I discuss women being looked at and ‘male gaze’, it’s more under the original theory of laura mulvey that women are objectified by the camera as men are in control of production, and here I’ll link the article (it’s very short, but I refer largely here to section B) – and to equally appeal to women looking at women but who are, equally not free from patriarchal understandings of the ‘correct’ and ‘incorrect’ ways of being attracted to women. I feel a good example of how we saw this was the big tiktok-wide discussion about sapphic cottage-core as an equally white endeavour, a sort of softcore launching of racist white American ideals of frolicking on a plantation. For showrunners to produce sexual lesbian content now, it needs to contend with who will be doing its marketing for them, i.e. a lot of people on tiktok talking about how LLB is for the ‘lesbian gaze’, whatever that means, or that these things are perhaps attractive to men in general, but are specifically geared to being attractive to lesbians specifically. Actually candace Moore, in a really brilliant article (and if u want access and don’t have it… just let me know) describes, through gaze theory, the notion of the straight viewer as a “tourist” and the “traveller”. Here:

Problematizing a distinction between the tourist, who "gladly or unknowingly accepts Disneyland's versions of the world's wonders," and the traveler, who "seeks and knows how to recognize authenticity," Strain argues that perhaps these archetypes are, if not one and the same, both victims to the notion that there is an "authenticity" available to be misrecognized, or grasped, in the first place. (10) But what of the lesbian viewer? (11) At first glance it would seem that the lesbian viewer falls outside of the already-tenuous tourist and traveler distinction, being a "local" intimately familiar with this culture. However, insofar as lesbian spectators are consuming mediated images of themselves, I argue that not only do straight audiences engage in a form of tourism when viewing the The L Word, but lesbian audiences, even those from Southern California, do too. The distinction between the tourist, the traveler, and, in this case, the local-as-consumer becomes blurred. Locals drawn to the latest "lesbian attraction," lesbians enjoy The L Word's eye candy along with straight "tourists." Like straight "travelers," they seek to identify albeit illusory "authentic" elements of the representation. However, for the queer viewer, the mediated reality of the show will never match up to reality. While the tourist and the traveler of The L Word are at base one and the same, the distinction between them lies not in what they are, but what they think they are; how they conceive of their own intentions, levels of "expertise," relationships to the local culture, and the "gains" that they take away--whether they travel for pleasure or for knowledge. It is through the enticement of lesbian sex (a spectacle of attraction for straight and queer viewers alike) and through the wonderment of either "understanding" the other or "recognizing" oneself (fantasy of authenticity), through both "watching from a remove" and "being there," that The L Word captivates its straight and queer tourists.

Pulling away from the academic angle, I don’t agree with the idea of LLB being for a lesbian gaze, nor do I think that TLW was ‘for’ lesbians more than it was ‘enjoyed’ by lesbians – a show that can hit as many audiences at once is a good thing. dennis cass for the slade in 2004 wrote that the L word “often feels like it’s not about being gay at all” and that a lot of what the show presents is pretty removed from any lesbian experience as we know it, additionally writing on bette and tina’s marriage counselling that they “aren’t merely in couples therapy, they’re seeing one of L.A.’s hottest personal gurus—that you not only forget they’re lesbians, but that they live on Earth.” A pretty accurate read for how removed a lot of TLW is from anything, and, to me, sort of bypasses any notion of ‘representation’ by just how fantastical it is. ginia bellafante also wrote in 2009, after s6 aired, that “’The L Word’ is a Sapphic Playboy fantasia in which women with wrinkles or squishy thighs or an aversion to lingerie appear to have been flagged down on the freeway with urgent instructions to move to Seattle”. basically, yeah

TLW itself is very clearly appealing to its heterosexual audiences at the same time it appeals to lesbians, even through the same mechanisms – the character’s conventional attractiveness, their skinniness, their lack of bras and how you can 9/10 times see their nipples through their shirts, and all the lesbian sex shown in as much detail as they could get away with – and that is the core driving force of the show in a lot of ways. we can’t really have another TLW today for the same reasons that all media from the early 2000s has shifted to give women more complex characters, arcs, appearances, and functions – and that’s a good thing, obviously – which in turn demonstrates the lack of these things the characters in TLW actually had. At its core, it’s sexy and men are the people behind the companies getting it on TV, not necessarily specific men but the shadow of patriarchy and how women exist on the screen. This isn’t to say media creation and output has become a liberal utopia for women’s rights, but rather there has definitely been a shift in how women exist on screen and what roles they were given before – think easy fast and furious, or megan fox in transformers, or even how very popular musicians styled themselves and appeared to the massive; Shakira, Jennifer lopez, Britney spears, etc – which, to me, reflects a way in which TLW capitalises off the straight heteropatriarchy in its desire to show sexy women at all times, always available to be ogled. in a way, this sorta aligns with bellafante’s observation that the show had ‘never aligned itself with the traditionalist ambitions of a large faction of the gay rights movement’ (written in 2009, 6 years before gay marriage was legalised in the us) – the liberator in the l word is sex, and that’s what all the characters are constantly aiming for, nothing else. Similarly, the show gets so obsessed with defining who or what a lesbian is (throughout the whole of s1 as they look for signs of lesbianism in jenny, with jenny at that party, or with dana talking about her ‘gaydar’, and so by doing this it turns lesbianism into a visual brand, something that be hidden in plain sight, appeasing both the hetrosexual viewer and the lesbian seeker - Martina Ladendorf describes a branding of lesbian identities through TLW in a form of “thingification”, and so “the representations of lesbian identities are discursively displaced and the identity position “lesbian” is partially filled with new meanings in the televised text of The L-word.”  Ladendorf offers a far more generous reading than I do – to me, a lot of TLW needs to extrapolate lesbians from their womanhood and vice versa, creating a sort of woman who is a lesbian, rather than, simply, a lesbian

naturally, the l word is inherently a misogynist show , and in a lot of ways I think it’s unavoidable to think about when it comes to discussing schematics or opinions of the show, it’s a show full of, in the words of liz feldman in this interview, ‘beautiful lesbians with just nothing but time on their hands… and just somehow also money’. Obviously, the stereotypes the show puts forwards make it feel pretty cheap at time, and when the show ventures out into attempting to either tackle or just include plotlines about poverty, racism, transphobia, infidelity, (or plotlines it totally avoids, like conversations on butchness, gender non-conformity, or transfemininity), it honestly just gets stranger and stranger, not to mention the very active racism present in the show, via how pam grier’s character was written, handled, and expanded upon when she was by far one of the most skilled and seasoned actors on the show. a lot of issues I and other people have are through this lens, and hence why a lot of the pushback focuses on how little was understood about trans people in mainstream media back then, or how the show was just such a landmark moment that it was purely reflective of the times so it’s just nit-picking to be pointing out all its negative parts, which isn’t a sentiment I agree with at all, and instead I think of the l word as being both progressive and problematic for these reasons. Even as an addition, I feel like TLW is why we just don’t really need more tv shows like the L word… because we have the L word, and it’d be nice if we could have something different

so, when I talk about and recommend the l word I usually put it in these terms: season 1 is a phenomenal piece of storytelling and such a compelling way to create and introduce a show all about lesbianism to a world that is not filled with parallel lesbians, but rather is the only show on air in the world doing that exactly, and, following that, season 4 gets a little art deco and experimental as it pushes its characters through new, meaningful struggle, like tasha working in the military under ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ (fuck the army though), max living his new reality as a trans man (yeah it was dealt with horribly), bette dating jodi and this inviting so much conversation about art, disability, and deafness into the mix, and, in other ways, jenny and tina working together on her show, helena’s… gambling addiction or whatever, kit’s nonsense relationship shane’s nonsensical relationship. Imo these two seasons show the best of what the L word has to offer, which is, in S1, a sensitive introduction that pushes jenny through the wringer as she really becomes herself and takes hold of her destiny, and then in S4, these characters all essentially performing at their apex, in love, making mistakes, trying again, to the best of the l word’s ability to show any of this (relatively speaking, it’s the best TLW ever gets)

with all this in mind, I do think the show thrives in really profound ways at times. The real hook of it is, and always has been, season 1, which is just this ferociously strong exploration in television about such a serious sensitive topic, jenny’s coming out. a lot of criticism sort of facetiously responds to jenny’s character by focusing on her writing quality (which I honestly thought was fine lol!), and will ignore sincerely engaging with her in favour of laughing at how bad her character became as the writer’s lost the plot more and more, but I really do think that jenny in the first two seasons was just phenomenal, and mia kirshner’s fantastic meditative performance just stole the entire show for me. In season 1 as we are introduced to the show and their world through jenny’s process of coming out and ripping her life apart at the seams to live her ideal life (even if it was very explosive with marina and didn’t end well), which I just thought was such captivating writing about that moment of choice, where a character has to decide whether or not they’ll live their easy life or do the difficult thing. one of the scenes I have always come back to is in s1 where jenny has sex with tim and cries afterwards because that moment for her is the one where she realises she just can’t do it anymore, and seeing that in the show was just really otherworldly for me, I loved it and I thought it was amazing, and then later on in season 2 where jenny asks shane to cut her hair for her – a real splitting off from her regular, comfortable life, to ‘become’ a lesbian in heart and soul, was again just another moment where the writing and directing teams could really show some muscle in just how good the show could be, before dropping all presences and going back to whatever drivel they’d been doing. As a more technical note on the show, the inconsistent directors and writing is really hilarious, and sometimes the drop in quality between episodes is… staggering, to say the least

tbh s1 functions well as a drama-comedy mix because those scenes, as well as tina and bette’s fertility journey, is spliced within the rest of the nonsense going on, which I felt crafted this really enjoyable diametric swing throughout . arguably more than anything, jenny’s coming out was the best and most meaningful part of the show, and I really haven’t seen much other lesbian media hold a candle to it (though I could name a few). What they did with jenny as the show went on was disappointing to say the least, but s2 had a lot of heart in it as they attempted to have her coming to terms with her abuse (naturally, having finally discovered herself in s1) and focus more on what makes her happy – her writing. As the show continued to develop and jenny’s character just morphed into this unrecognisable thing, I even still think mia kirshner could perform such a charming take on it that I never really aligned myself to a lot of the jenny hate people joke about

other drama aspects in mind, like bette and tina’s marriage falling apart, bette’s other relationships (bette always seems to be the one facing the ‘serious problems), and even dana’s cancer and subsequent death, I thought were generally handled… ‘well’. Dana’s cancer worked interestingly within this as, while it was kind of bizarre, I think the relationship between alice and dana was a real life force on the show for a  while, and that whole situation meant that alice could go through some real, meaningful growth in her character which she’d been a little starved of to that point. perhaps my thoughts are that when the show focuses on cheating as the only method of things falling apart, that’s when it really starts to fumble, because cheating at that level is such a sitcom-only esque plotline that removes a lot of reality you might be looking for and finding charming in these shows. Equally, I just think cheating can be quite an alienating plotline!

But, to talk about writing alone, my god it gets shit. Various parts of the writing I remember disliking off the top of my head are dana’s season 2 girlfriend which turns into a weird trope of the pretty girls vs the ‘uglier’ one (her then-gf), when the max arc is in full swing (though I’ll be clear as well and say I loved Daniel Sea’s acting within the role, however bad the writing was), papi and the racism that guided the writers in constructing her character, the random plotline of the guy living with shane and jenny in season 2 (though I thought it could have been really interesting, almost a meta comment on men watching lesbians, men watching the l word, men watching lesbians in media).  Helena’s entire character was a little baffling to me, and while I did enjoy her at times and thought she was a hilarious addition to the cast, I just had no clue exactly what she was doing. Parts of the shows ideology itself is equally harmful, like alice and dana shopping for strap-ons (bc alice is bisexual and therefore loves penetrative sex, and dana is a lesbian and therefore doesn’t), or just that the shows ensemble cast reflects the background, and everyone is cis white thin feminine, etc.  until they’re not, like ivan or papi, or Dylan..? (or a character’s non-whiteness function as a sort of ethnic flair to them, say papi and carmen being Latina and that being their exciting ‘exotic’ traits), that floods the show with a very recognisable sort of white Hollywood liberalism, and if we can understand and comprehend that, we get a good working frame for the rest of what’s going on. as alice and tasha were arguing about the military it was, of course, them trying to suggest that alice is this very liberal character who disagrees with the war and tasha’s politics, but not enough to…. Break things off with her. Instead (fashion tumblr user steps in) she even joins in this roleplay and dresses more femininely around her, growing out her hair a little and everything – and alice in general usually had a pretty fluid sense of style, so it was an… interesting choice. And then Jamie shows up for some reason (and is similarly one of the very few reoccurring Asian characters on the show – her, Catherine (one of helena’s stupid love interests) and adele (who is not serious); actually to make a side note on how this show was received, there was even a petition to get the character’s from alice wu’s Saving Face (which is a brilliant movie, and you should watch it) to be on the show and bring more Asian representation, from autumn 2008)

One episode I think is pretty good for reading the ethos of how TLW engages with women who aren’t their ‘ideals’ is shown is, imo, episode 3? 4? of season 1, where lacey is harassing shane for moving on from her. Lacey is one of the very few characters who leans a little more into being gender nonconforming, yes still with the full face of makeup, but with heavy punk-ish eye makeup, short hair, leather jacket, a demanding attitude, (and she’s not fat, but definietely has more weight on her than any of the verrrrry skinny main cast), and all-in-all embodies a kind of paltry attempt at TLW at bringing in someone with more of an edge, perhaps a modern day masc we might imagine – she’s really one of the only women I can think of on the show, let alone women that shane gets with, who isn’t an ultra-feminine character with long hair, tall, skinny, petite frame, etc. devoid of reality, the show really pushes on her as this over-demanding woman who reactedly badly to shane using her and moving on, and of course the show is trying to show us that shane uses people without much care for them, but doing so through lacey lets you sympathise more with shane than it would if they’d brought in a far more feminine woman who could play that damsel in distress role through looks alone. Lacey’s problems are like a pet or a child’s wherein you do what they want (in this case, another 1 night stand) to appease them, and then you get them off your back. The writing itself is very bizarre, but the fact that they used a woman who was just a little left of centre from the standard the show had set of these beautiful women in Hollywood, demonstrates enough

likewise, to go from here and talk about gender non-conformity, one of the strangest lines on the show was always kit in season 3 episode 9 saying “It just saddens me to see so many of our strong butch girls giving up their womanhood to be a man” – why she said that, I don’t know, some sort of meditation on her bizarre relationship with ivan perhaps? But that relationship fell apart because ivan was… not a man… and couldn’t be a man… whereas max is a man and could be a man, so I just don’t know.

Kit: Why can't you be the butchest butch in the world... and keep your body? Max: Because I wanna feel whole.

and he is so punished for that split away from butchness into transness, even by the woman who is notably placed outside of the lesbianism of the show – which is arguably worse than having one of the lesbians come at him for it, as kit is more or less representative of “the rest of the world” in these types of conversations, pushing max away from transition while the lesbians of the show, the ones who, you would imagine, have had some sort of intersection with transness once before (again, notably shane, who, as part of her traumatic backstory, was mistaken for a boy when she was a teenager and was paid by men to give them a handjobs) . instead the show curiously places kit there as some voice of reason, and the rest of the lesbian cast are kind of fast and loose with the whole thing. when they do talk about butchness in s3e3, it’s just bizarre. Pre-transition max pulls shane with him to unpack the car as “us butches”, and carmen giggles and jokingly calls shane a “big butch” even though, again, she’s the closest thing the show gets to reoccurring butchism, and is likely seen and imagined as butch by a lot of the people watching . at dinner later on in the episode, they make a joke about him not being “stone butch”… as if that’s a way of measuring masculinity rather than a sexual identity, before shane interrupts the conversation to say “You know what, what difference does it make whether someone is butch or femme?”. again, she is the butchest one at the table, and very notable not butch, but has gone up so close to the border before, you really wonder… why. Why there is such intense resolution to not make her butch, but really it’s because TLW functions in the absence of the butch – alice eler puts it succinctly: “The L-Word asserts that a “femme” lesbian woman is more desirable than a “butch” lesbian.”

In tlw, butch and femme are always roles played rather than realities lived, so it defaults to femininity being ‘standard’  - and this is where, imo, a lot of reaction to max’s transition hinges on. If the show can’t allow any character to firmly be ‘butch’, so when a character takes on butchness as a passage to realising his truth, that he is a trans man, it pulls out all the ugly thoughts and feelings held by certain lesbians about trans men who were, previously, identifying as lesbians/butch lesbians. Here, it really creates a perfect storm for TLW to uphold dangerous ideology (how they showed max’s transition was horrible), and justifying their cis lesbian audience’s response (they got angry that the only character who transgressed gender went ‘too far’ with it, essentially, living his truth in a way they didn’t like). I imagine, if TLW had functioning butch characters on the show, this all might’ve played out differently, but if TLW let go of its standard of femininity, then it… isn’t sexy, becoming too lesbian and too trans and alienates its non-lesbian audience, getting too deeply invested in its lesbianism than it is with its glamour. An interview with Ilene chiaken that gets thrown around a lot is here: on max, “She’s our first real butch on the show — a fabulously attractive butch, but nonetheless a real butch,” Chaiken said. “And we deal with the issue of gender. We wanted to tell that story, a big story in the gay community and, in the last couple years, a huge story in the lesbian community.” it’s an interesting statement for sure– gender transgression has always been a part of lesbianism (read any book ever), and with the advent of the internet and online communities – afterellen being founded in 2002 – more conversations could be had by lesbians from all walks of life, from any economic background or lived reality of race, ability, anything.  jack halberstam writes interestingly in Transgender Butch about butch/ftm borders that,

The distinction that some butches need to make between lesbianism and butchness hinges on a distinction between sexual and gender identities. Lesbian, obviously, refers to sexual preference and to some version of the “woman-loving woman.” Butch, on the other hand, bears a complex relation of disidentification with femininity and femaleness and, in terms of sexual orientation, could refer to “woman-loving butch” or “butch-loving butch.

butchness, and max’s ex-butchness, is never truly interacted or responded to in the show – ivan states he doesn’t mind being referred to as a he, shane half-heartedly defends butchism by asking her friends to stop talking about it, and max finds himself as a man through a meaningful identification with butchism and ‘disidentification’ with femininity to then finding a reidentification with not just masculinity, but manhood, which lends way to him truly discovering himself. Curiously, in response to this, this reidentification is one step too far, and suddenly its actually ok to be butch on the l word. The rest of the cast seems to ask him over and over again, why by a man? Why not be butch? But in the world of TLW, to be butch and to be trans are both radical acts of nonconformity, to disidentify is to no longer be the thing that sells, so you very fundamentally cannot do any of it – lisa the male lesbian in s1 is played for laughs as a transmisogynist  punchline, and carmen giggling at the idea of shane being butch (and thus disidentifying) demonstrates that this is equally hilarious.

from this angle, i feel that TLW functions primarily as a show about women attracted to women, not lesbians attracted to lesbians (lesbian as gender, as identifier, as being). Immovable womanhood is the centre of everything, constructing familiarity, and to stray is to exit safe perimeters that TLW establishes within unradical, conformist, cisgendered white femininity. candace Moore, again, writes that TLW “positions lesbianism as a sensibility, not a sexuality. This is particularly important because as a sensibility, lesbianism can potentially be co-opted by straight viewers.”

of course, it would be remiss to fail in mentioning that much of this discussion about tlw’s association to butchness is very much within whiteness as well – we can argue that tasha is a stud even if she never says the word herself, her specific attraction being to “girly girls” and her riding a motorbike, always with a more masculine wardrobe, and being in the……. Army………. Really aligns her with this sentiment. I do think she’s a stud, but this being off the back of the show’s depiction of max sits so strangely, and we can’t ignore that her blackness is so instinctually connected to how they wrote her – in a world where no one else can be a butch, why then is the only dark skinned black lesbian more masculine leaning than the rest of them? yes, racism, and all tied in to her nationalism and dedication to the army. It’s certainly an interesting choice for the writers to make and, while she is one of my favourites in the whole show, I definitely have a lot of pause with why she was written and created the way she was, and what she offers the show politically – she holds space as a particularly vulnerable body, a dark skin black stud lesbian, but maintains the status quo of the country and of American imperialism. What’s the message? Even the most unavailable of lesbians can still be patriots??? the individual's physical unfuckable body is still acessible through american aligience?

As later seasons continued to get worse, parts I did really enjoy were tasha’s entire character, molly’s entire character, seeing tina ‘get her life back’ as it were and return to painting, jodi’s entire character, all the music featured, and bette and tina getting back together was really well written and laurel holloman and Jennifer beals are just two very strong actors steering that ship, and random moments throughout I really enjoyed (specifically bette’s professional life gave a lot of breathing room for the show to have other funny little characters, like her office assistants etc) that I’m struggling to remember here rn tbh but generally even as the show was getting bad, the more ridiculous things got the more fun I was having, but the later seasons ‘drama’ was a little painful. If it had started as a drama and then shifted into something more palatable, I think it would’ve been great, but really anything that wasn’t season 6 would have been fine.. just such an unforgiving and cruel way to end the show, and I thought adding jenny to the mix of toxic sad relationships after leaving her straight life and coming to terms with her abuse was such a mean-spirited and cruel way to end it IDK! And this is why the l word FAILS as a sitcom, bc at least usually (to my knowledge) the  idea is that at the end… they’re kinda happy and stepping into another new life with some stability and lifelong friends!!! But instead TLW said fuck you and I hate you

anyway yeah closing thoughts… if you watch TLW without even thinking about representation I think it’s an easy watch, bc what I was watching it for is psycho lesbians who don’t act normally and that’s what I got. All caricatures of themselves or whatever they’re performing in the shadows of, and, in a way – and maybe this is a little weird to say – but I think the lesbians in the show are, to me, like watching a species of lesbian that I myself am not. Which is a shame because, if I recall correctly, a lot of those musical performances in the show were about exposing the world to lesbian music that broke the norm and went against the stereotype of music people associated with lesbians at the time, showing them on the cutting edge of new sound, which somehow did not cross into the actual meat of the show at all. And I haven’t spoken at all about it here, but a lot of those musical features are my favourite parts of the show and made some of those scenes just electric, magical parts of storytelling on tv

to address the “you”/I in what “I think”, and this one actually is TMI, when I first watched the L word, it was when I had really just finished coming to terms with my own lesbianism back in late 2021, early 2022 (I was gay and trans before this, but hiding from myself and my sexuality and my gender in complex ways, living a sort of double life online and offline – this was more an unforgiving reckoning with who I was vs what the life I was leading looked like). i was finally letting myself think about it holistically, reflecting on conversion therapy and how I navigated my desires and my identity. I wrote a lot of melodramatic diary entries and was trying to figure out how to handle a 3 year long semi-formed, confusing, and impressively undefined ‘situation’ship I was in with a guy while I was living alone during a gap year. all I really did in this time was go to the gym, go on walks, go to therapy, and think… a lot. by the time I started watching TLW I had come to terms with my lesbianism (and its inextricable relationship to my gender), but watching jenny go through something I had basically been in the thick of myself (just without all the sex and the cheating and the sex and the sex and the sex), and was, at that point, yet to experience the real horror of, meant a lot to me, and, just from some reading online, I’ve understood too how the early seasons of TLW really helped a lot of other lesbians come out to themselves or start thinking about where they might sit in relation to lesbianism. again, TLW fails time and time again at any sort of political radicalism, but when you’re so, so painfully alone and you don’t really have anyone to talk to about these desires, or even have the strength to talk about these things out loud, I do think somehow the unabashed desire flung around the screen of TLW does one thing, and that is to declare that lesbianism doesn’t have to be in your head, and that even good change can be really difficult when it’s something like this, and that, to me, was the best thing TLW added to the conversation about lesbian TV and reflects, for a lot of lesbians who find themselves trying to navigate repression and abuse, the experience that we’re still moving through: taking hold of our lives with our own hands

beyond that, beyond being a story about transformation – which I do think really permeates the first season (dana coming out to the world and to her parents; shane learning how to love or whatever the fuck genuinely; tina and bette trying and failing and trying to live the life they’d always dreamt of; marina navigating her own bad relationship through a sort of uncaring outwards desire;  bette ‘choosing’ the wrong path from her married life and cheating; kit re-entering the world of professional music and working hard to get into that music video thing situation – I think s1 is just such a rare gem of tv, that had so many flaws in it and so much was mishandled, but it came to it all with a lot of heart. But still that same angle is what alienates it from reality and sets it up as this fantasy land of woman-who-engage-in-lesbianism and abstractifies lesbian reality to make way for lesbian (or straight) fantasies of standard hegemony with a little zest. As it goes on however, it falls so hard to the more difficult aspects already clear at its start, and dramatizes their sexual escapades and relationships endlessly in a way that gives, says, and does nothing. jill dolan describes it well, albeit more positively than I have here: “part of the fun has become to simply go with it, to enjoy its excesses of character and plot and to tolerate its rather sweetly absurd attempts at relevance and authenticity.” and you really can ‘go with it’ for a while, but to put it shortly, TLW is not a show worth following to the end of the earth

[deadcactuswalking]

How lonelyboy's lofi chill vibes with korn misses the point

For some backstory, on 20 June, 2024, producer lonelyboy released what appears to be a semi-official or at least licensed remix album of songs by the iconic nu metal band Korn. Whilst not credited as lead artists on the album itself, they are featured on every track. The album consists entirely of lo-fi hip hop renditions of the band's most acclaimed and successful singles across nearly their entire career. It is currently available on all streaming services and I used Spotify to listen to this album so the link is attached here. Feel free to listen to the record and support it if you enjoy regardless of my opinions. For the full review, written on 24 June and originally published on RateYourMusic, click the tab below.

If there's one band that I enjoy that I would probably never grant the lo-fi hip hop remix album to, it'd probably have to be Korn. Qualities that stand out to me about the band's work and make them unique do not seem to fit a lo-fi hip hop palette swap. They're percussive and raucously so, but also unpredictable, and at their best, can deliver very wonderfully written hooks. Even the most stock Korn songs or albums can be incessantly catchy if that earworm warps its way back around into your head, and I would probably place a lot of that on the unique and polarising vocals of the frontman Jonathan Davis, whose delivery has never not been convincing, whether he's going for the creeping falsetto or pained shrieks and grunts that pepper what otherwise could work as pretty damn great pop songs honestly. There's a lot to love about Korn, and I like the original version of pretty much every song here, and for many of them, I actually adore them, and have a great deal of nostalgia for them and especially their videos.

Expectedly, I was a bit cynical about all this considering lonelyboy's previous remix ventures with seedier, less worthwhile artists I won't name - or even acts that fit the lo-fi hip hop template quite well like 2Pac. Yet I still came into listening to this project with the expectation that, hey, maybe what I think will not work about this will greatly be to its benefit. The struggle between having what you want to express and finding the mode to express it in forms the crux behind some of my favourite records, including ones by Korn. Translating the passion, trauma and desperate pleas for acceptance that Davis will cry out for, into a lo-fi hip hop package, isn't dead on arrival because it doesn't sound like it'd work. Hell, I'd argue that it's quite the opposite: it sounds weird and difficult, so much like Korn's brostep album or any of their other bizarre experiments from their career, this could be at least interesting.

What goodwill that exists whenever Korn bring in the bagpipes, Skrillex wub-wubs, guest rappers, funk grooves, etc. is that it's all human and ultimately a part of the Korn sound and appeal, and even if those ideas don't necessarily make it through all the steps of writing, recording and producing without being diluted or unfocused, you can still respect how daring the idea was and how they fucked around and found out. The level of "fucking around" here feels much cheaper and less collaborative. The beats are perfectly fine, I suppose, but the melodic elements ripped from the band's finest singles aren't natural fits (obviously!) and little is done to accommodate that. I can imagine the only influence from the real members of Korn here was perhaps giving him a stronger, more professional MIDI for their greatest hits compilation to place through a lo-fi hip hop soundfont and call it a day. The stereotypical elements of the average algorithm-pushed lo-fi hip hop nothingness are all here: you get whooshing sound effects on what honestly might be too many measures, it's borderline obnoxious, whilst layers of ASMR rain pattering, birdsong and cricket ambiance are laid upon the already programmed beats in such a flat and unengaging way that it just emphasises how basic and uninspired these versions of the songs are. If you love and appreciate the band's work to the extent of a full remix album, you'd take the risks they made part of their brand.

"Y'all Want a Single" being a lo-fi hip hop beat is such a foreign idea to me that I figured maybe there'd be a novelty factor to it that's somewhat amusing, but of course not. No amount of royalty-free library SFX of water swishing around in a lake can make this elementary shit sound anymore than a demo an intern would have put together for the Luigi's Mansion soundtrack when first hearing the concept and they haven't got Totaka on board yet. And that comparison isn't just a throwaway joke either because there could be genuine promise to this: the way Korn wrote melodies and how lo-fi hip hop beats are inherently somewhat stagnant and moody could create an at least immersive darker experience. Focus on the ambient touches, have little parts where you stray away from the melody, replace the "chill vibe" sound bank with some horror elements, it could genuinely make for an interesting reinterpretation of the band's work in a similar sound. certain tracks, like "Falling Away from Me", "Blind" or "Right Now", have a vague menace and suspicious aura inherent in how the songs are already composed that could be developed on so extensively within this sound. But lonelyboy just doesn't care. If he cared, the intro track wouldn't have an extended period of silence accidentally tacked onto the end and left on the Spotify release. on first listen, I questioned what this guy actually did and on repeat listens, I question what he could have done and what really could have been. Korn have written some of my favourite songs of all time and it's obviously not just because they're nu metal songs, or that there's no room to transform them into something different. There's just so little tangible care put into this that it makes me almost a little embarrassed for the guy who now has tons of eyes and ears on him because he somehow leeched this onto the official Korn page. And given how low some of these basic, thoughtless and detached melodies are sometimes in this muddy cloud of a mix that could have been sequenced all in a day, I think he's a little embarrassed too - that this is what he's chosen to make his brand. Can't blame you, man. Hope whatever monetary gain you scramble back on an album you wrote none of, that can't even get a "Freak on a Leash" remix on Korn's official account to 10,000 streams as of writing, is worth it.