#its been years now and ive tried to get used to it but they just look wrong

[polyamorouscultureis]

Heyy, was hopin for some poly advice as its kinda a situation thats been very tricky for me.

So ive been in a relationship with my 2 boyfriends for 2 months now. They were together for 2 years before i joined as their third. Its all our first time in a poly relationship.

The thing is, we've only been intimate twice, which is mainly because they insist that if im involved, it needs to have all three of us. This has resulted in many times that i or my other partner tries to initiate and majority of the time, the other isnt down (not always the same partner).

The thing is, I told them i didnt mind if they were intimate without me so they do that with each other all the time, and i can tell that it happens (i can see the evidence or they just tell me about it). Its not the fact that they do it that is the problem for me, its the fact that they dont really try that often to be intimate with me and that i essentially get cockblocked by my own partner.

I realised that i had the expectation that eventually, we would all be comfortable with one of them being intimate with me without the others involvement. I told them this and they were kinda like "okay". Idk how they really feel about that.

We've talked about the reasons for why it needs to be all three of us, its because of their insecurities and intimacy issues but have told me that they want to work through them. But i dont think they realise that this is something i really need them to get over as its really hindering my relationship with both of them. Also, they told me they did no research into poly relationships before going into it and so im not sure they were really prepared for all the jealousy stuff that's bound to come up yk?

Idk man, it all feels so complicated. Any and all advice would be much appreciated <3

Oof, this is rough. It's clear from the first sentence of your last paragraph that they tried to open the relationship as a way to save their own. Hard as it might be, if it were me I would end things with them until they've figured out their own dynamic. It's not fair to have this double standard as a rule, and that the two of them seem to prioritize each other's comfort over your own. Telling you they "want to" work through their issues while it's actively upsetting you feels very flippant and uncaring - these issues affect more than just them. This isn't to say that you have to cut them off forever, but I would definitely take a step back until they've seen a couple's therapist or otherwise worked through their own issues first. <3

[xehanortsreport]

im fine (malding over kh3 stealing the melanin from every nort)

[fleshdyk3]

god i fucking hate my dad

[triglycercule]

guys i havent written since may (for killer's birthday) but stupid silly swapinverse has been on my mind for a little bit and i threw together this silly (he has a panic attack and throws up) little short draft 4 swapinverse horror!!

-

“hah… ah… oh god… no, no, nonono…”

he ran. sprinted through the forest like a frightened deer, his demeanor that of prey, although his previous actions aligned more of a predator. panting and shaking, his mind cycled through countless variations of how to react to what just happened, what he just did.

how should he react? how could he react? it was impossible to tell for him in the panicked state. and as the trees in snowdin slowly began to surround him (but weren't they always doing that?), paranoia couldn't run anymore. he was surrounded, he was blocked off, he couldn't escape. not from horrortale, not from snowdin, not from the dusty graveyard he had just left it, and not from the blood smeared across his mouth.

“no, i- what did, what did i do? paps, snowdin, even-undick, no, it-”

paranoia’s incoherent rambles brought his hands to wander across his face, tugging at the massive hole in his skull spanning majority of the left side of his head. picking at the chipped bone didn't help, it never did, but a nervous habit was unbreakable, and he was more than nervous in this moment. in fact, quite terrified. everything was terrifying. he was terrifying. and as the slightest hint of red blood touched his sleeve, the once red, now magenta eye quickly locked onto it, and he couldn't hold it back anymore.

“fuck- oh god, no, aliza-!”

falling to his knees, a disgustingly gorey mess of red, pink, and black spilled from his mouth. sounds of retching and hurling were all that filled the empty forest, and paranoia couldn't bear to look down and see the mess he’d made. the mess he’s caused. wasted food, he would've said. but that statement normally only applied to others. he never imagined using it on himself. choking on his spit and certainly not his blood, tears fell from his eye, joining the vomit and blood seeping into the snow. strange. paranoia didn't think he had enough magic to even shed tears anymore. just for the bare necessities. he managed to surprise even himself, after all this time.

but could it be could be considered surprise, or rather terror? he fit up to his name, certainly horrified at his own actions. forcing out as much of the grossness he could that he’d just consumed, paranoia couldn't help but look down at what he’d done.

red. a lot of red. too much red. he’d never been queasy before, never. he had to adapt to it, being the one to hunt down humans that ran or sneak up on those when times got desperate. there was no time or need to be queasy at what he even considered his job before. a duty he had to do.

but now, there was too much red. far too much red. and he didn't know why, although he totally knew, but paranoia couldn't stomach it. he just threw his guts out (shouldn't they be aliza’s guts, or no?), and here he was, wanting to throw up until his SOUL shattered. his SOUL cycled through those strange 4 shapes, unsure of which to settle on. he couldn't blame it. paranoia himself was unsure of what was even going on anymore. he wanted to run, but was frozen. he wanted to scream, but didn't know who at.

everything was contradicting. everything was going on, and not enough was given for paranoia to understand how to deal with it. and with a muttered curse, he flopped on his side onto the somehow dry snow, losing consciousness in the haze of fear now intermingled with his SOUL.

-

ik theres probably grammar mistakes i wrote this on my phone,,,, but like idk. had idea for a little moment in paranoia's lore and i sure as hell didn't wanna draw it so i wrote it as an easier media! god this is so much easier compared to drawing idk why i dont do this more often (because youre lazy silly!) anyways swapinverse silly i love swapinverse. i've only thrown up like never so i dont know if this works. also never had a panic attack (i think) and AGAIN i dont know if this is accurate but whatever i dont write to be good i write for expressing my ideas. like everything i do

[motherforthefamicom]

been considering changing my url for a little while now… this ones so good but ive had it for too long

[seithr]

Randomly remembered the half-reason i call my oc-verse by the name it has while laying in bed. One-half of the reason i still knew, but I had forgotten what had truly, really cemented it jointly until now

(it was a song from my favourite band I haven't listened to in a while.)

(the song fit so well at the time, still does, that i needed to hold onto it for the main protagonists forever, by partially naming their story in reference.)

Does this explanation make any sense? Does anyone know why I'm tearing up remembering this. Aahh

[uygfiug]

I think part of what makes school so difficult for me, is how forced it all is. It takes up so much of my time, and I don't even want to do any of it. I hate being told what to do, but when you go to school, your whole life seems to be taken up by commands. Telling me what to do is a good way to ensure I will never do it. On top of that, you're expected to act 'normal'? Fuck that.

When you don't do as they ask, every interaction with teachers feels like an attempt to get you to act the way they want you to. Every compliment is about how you're smart enough to do your work, so why don't you? Wow! You've grown so much, please grow just a little more. I saw you looking at the right answer, so why didn't you answer the question? Some of the stuff they mention isn't even real, because they just see what they want to see. And what they want to see is either a contrarian little bitch, or a miserable, depressed kid who needs urgent help before they kill themselves or something.

I don't like being called smart, because that almost always carries the implication that I'm wasting my natural capabilities, or it's so overdone, that it feels like they're not complimenting me, the compliment is for the idealised version of myself that they want me to be. I'll never live up to those compliments unless I throw my happiness away, and force myself to act all wrong. It always feels like I'm just being complimented because people want me to act a certain way

[big-tees-and-short-skirts]

ah, so the misophonia is part of the sensory processing disorder + etc. of course.

[waheedawolf]

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[treypug]

💊

[catgirlwizard]

.

[matamisin]

my hair reaches past my knees and it drives me crazy everyday BUT it's the only thing I get complimented on so she gets to stay.. for now 🤨

[jonny-b-meowborn]

me when I'm normal <- experiences an hour long on-and-off sleep paralysis

[szczylpierdolony]

idk why but im sooo pumped abt halloween this year for no reason like i already got some halloween candy ready for the kids in my neighbourhood and theres still a month left

[puppmeo]

Have you ever been assumed to be romantically attracted to someone and even just the thought of that makes you want to throw up . Anybody

[nomairuins]

i do need 2 work on rewiring my brain so that my immediate very first thought whenever i dont do a small task (like brushing ny teeth taking a shower picking up my room etc) isnt 'We Should Kill Connor ." this would be pretty good for me to do. putting this on the list