#its like if youre not in some constant state of wanting to lose weight people want to kill you | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thedreadvampy · 5 months

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absolutely sucks shit when people are like HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST PUTTING ANY CONDITIONS ON YOUR VOTE as if. the constant shift right doesn't have to do with the belief in major parties that they're owed votes by default on account of not being the other guy.

like they're going to ignore the public's wishes either way but fuck, you don't have to make it that easy for them. literally the second they get in. oh pwetty pwease Mr Biden can you wespect basic human wights? don't worry sir you'll still get my vote if not but I thought I'd ask nicely!!!!

hold their fucking feet to the fire dude. make it clear that your vote is conditional on them listening to the public on the clear and vital points.

(btw 'refusing to vote for Clinton is how Trump got in' no it literally is not. please remember that Trump lost the popular vote anyway and only got in because your country has a weird fucked up system where states are allowed to ignore how their constituents vote.)

(Refusing to vote New Labour after the Iraq War is how the Tories got in over here. Kinda. because what actually happened was we had the first hung parliament since 1979, and then the Lib Dems sold the country up the river for some minor concessions. and then Labour spent the next 10 years actively kneecapping itself by painting its own leadership as a bigger threat than the Tories, and when they had a leftist leading them they still brought the Tories to a hung parliament again in 2017.)

(anyway the point is you all seem to have a majorly inflated sense of how much democracy is involved in elections. Ultimately in cases where the race is close-run it is not the electorate that decide, it's like 100 people in positions of high power, be it the electoral college, the party leadership, or otherwise.)

(none of which is to say your vote is useless. your vote is valuable to politicians. there's a limit to how much they can get away with ignoring the public. but. because your vote is valuable, it's only useful as leverage if there's a possibility you might not give them it. and let's be clear, people WILL change direction if they're worried about losing votes. but unless you're offering them massive funding, then the only reason your opinion would carry any weight is if there's a possibility of your vote being withheld. if you stand up and say VOTE BLUE NO MATTER WHO YOU'VE GOT MY VOTE WHATEVER HAPPENS then like. You might as well just say 'ignore me, pay attention to those guys who might not vote for you'.)

if the centre and the left's votes are vocally assured regardless of the party's policy or stance, then the party will move right. bc they've already got you, so it's time to court the undecideds. YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT NECESSARY TO A POLITICIAN'S SUCCESS TO LISTEN TO WHAT YOU WANT. they don't care. you have to use what little leverage you have, your vote, to make them care. it's the only form of accountability we can bring about that doesn't involve, like, storming the winter palace 🤷‍♀️

#red said #so fucking sick of this 'morally required to vote for the right party' shit #even if that's TRUE don't fucking TELL THEM THAT??????? that's literally ALL THE LEVERAGE WE HAVE WITHIN THE LAW #and these HOW DARE YOU EVEN WHISPER THE IDEA THAT YOU MIGHT NOT VOTE FOR THE LESS FASHY GUY people are uhhhh #probably not on board for physically or financially threatening politicians personally. which i too would prefer we avoid #i don't actually want to wheel out the guillotine and set the House on fire. that sounds. counterproductive. to a better world.#but you know if you want to avoid that then the only method of affecting change you HAVE is putting conditions on your vote #stuff like lobbying and public protest and calling and writing to your representatives does work #but only to the degree that they believe the anger you're demonstrating represents a threat to their electoral prospects

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riverr3dwinter · 2 years

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Hi, I wanted to start off and say a little about myself and my page.

As said in my bio, my name is River and I'm currently 17. I'm nonbinary, bisexual, and use she/they pronouns.

I would describe myself as a game of Russian roulette. I'm either very calm and quiet, or very chaotic and impulsive, and there's not rly much of a way to tell which I'll be at any given time. But, it makes life just that little bit spicier :D I'm also very empathetic and love to help people whenever I can.

My interests and passions include music, playing in my band, skateboarding, art, reading, writing, tattooing, walking, psychology, criminology, being a cadet, and of course, helping others <3

Things I struggle with are, anxiety, depression, CPTSD, eating disorders, ADHD, dyslexia, (currently being assessed for autism and BPD), as well as many chronic physical illnesses cus I'm unlucky and seem to be collecting these things xD

Now, this page, as stated in my bio, is a blog to vent and track progress of my ed. I'm going to talk a little more about that now, so for anyone who is triggered by talk of eating disorders or self harm or anything like that, here is your trigger warning, and I do not advise you read on.

⚠️TW for the following content⚠️

So, my life of eating disorders and mental health struggles started from a young age. I'm not going into as much detail in this post but I might make another one with more detail.

It started pretty much from around the age of 5 where I was extremely skinny. I was badly bullied for being so small. No matter how much I ate, I could never gain because my metabolism was too fast. I later found out it was overactive, which was contributing to some of the illnesses I was having. As I got older, I was still made fun of for being so small and weak. My eating habits and relationship with food was a mess. I felt I had no sence of control and would contanty switch between over-eating and under-eating. As I got a little older, I noticed things started to change a little. The way I saw myself would constantly change and it scared me and I didn't know if my body was changing, or my perception of myself was changing. Around the age of 13 though, that overactive thyroid (causing the fast metabolism) flipped during a condition called a thyroid storm. I was extremely ill for a long time. And the worst part of it to me was that it had caused my body to do a 180. My thyroid was (and still is) underactive and it slowed my metabolism down a fuck tonne. I gained a lot of weight, very fast and struggled to lose it again. I was then bullied for being the fat kid. And so I ended up on a rollercoaster of over/under-eating and gaining and losing weight. Around the age after I'd got out of juvie (that's another story for another day) 15/16 I'd been starving myself for so long, I'd gotten to a new lw and got seriously ill and ended up being put into a psych ward. (I'd even in one a few times before but not entirely ed related). I could bearly move because I was so weak and ill and I ended up being force fed for ages. Because of that, I started bingeing once I was let out. Which made me gain weight and turned into a binge purge cycle. I ended up gaining weight because of my condition. Then about a year ago, something clicked in my head. I refused to let myself go through this hell of ups and downs and constant switches in what I was doing. It was sorta like my honeymoon phase had finally kicked in. I became stricter with the foods I'd allow myself to eat, how many calories I consumed and the exercise I did to then lose those. Since then, its still not been easy and definitely not smooth sailing. But while I've had a few ups and down, I've gotten to a new low weight and im closer now than I have been in years to my ugw of 63lbs.

My main course of action at the moment is to fast as much as possible and if/when I do eat, keep it a low cals as possible, preferably not sugar or carbs. As well as that, doing an average of 10,000 to 15,000 steps a day. I also have to remember to drink a lot of water and if I drink anything other than that, it's only allowed to be black coffee, no sugar, or 0cal energy drinks for the energy boost.

I also follow Chloe Ting's workout routines when I can to try and keep my body tonned instead of just having fat.

Anyways, I think I'll wrap this up here. If you've read all the way to here, thank you so much. I hope you'll be interested in the rest of my page.

Things I'll be posting in the future will include things like the struggles of having an eating disorder, routines and tip etc for managing life with an ed, ways to lose weight, diet/exercises plans, occupational vents about my life n stuff, and I'll always be willing to give advise to anyone who needs it so if you need anything at all, just give me a shout. Thank you, and I hope you're all having a good day <3

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thesportdietitian · 8 months

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Is Intermittent Fasting Sustainable?

If you’re interested in cutting your calorie intake and losing weight, intermittent fasting is something you’ll have come across in your research. Used by celebrities like Hugh Jackman to achieve a lean figure, there is a lot of hype around the intermittent fasting lifestyle. For some, intermittent fasting sounds extreme, which leads us to an important question:

Is intermittent fasting sustainable for weight loss?

What Is Intermittent Fasting?

Intermittent fasting is an eating pattern where you cycle between periods of eating and fasting. Intermittent fasting is not a diet; instead it’s a dietary pattern, meaning it does not dictate which food should be eaten — but when food should be eaten. Intermittent fasting is currently very popular among the health and fitness community because it essentially allows you more freedom in your diet, stopping you consuming excess calories because your window for eating is so limited.

There are several different intermittent fasting methods:

The 16/8 method: Fasting for 16 hours per day and eating during the 8-hour eating window (e.g. skipping breakfast, eating your first meal at noon and your last meal before 8 pm)

The 5:2 diet: Eating as normal for five days of the week then eating 500–600 calories on two days of the week

Eat-stop-eat: The practice of a 24-hour fast once or twice per week (avoiding eating after dinner one day until dinner the following day)

The most popular method of intermittent fasting is the 16/8 method. Working individuals who struggle to find extra time in the morning may find this method convenient. It is also convenient for those who exercise in the evening and tend not to require as much energy in the morning.

Is Intermittent Fasting Necessary for Weight Loss?

The short answer is no — you don’t need to commit to intermittent fasting if you want to see success in your weight loss program. So why do people even consider intermittent fasting in the first place? Well, as your eating window is restricted, this will naturally result in you eating less food (unless you binge on huge amounts of food), which can technically result in weight loss.

In its most basic form, weight loss works through a caloric deficit.

Your body is in a constant state of energy consumption. The energy your body needs is obtained through calories, which are present in all food. Your body is always using the fuel you put into it (food) to operate — you need energy for everything from movement and breathing to thinking and digesting. Everyone has a base caloric requirement to survive that varies depending on age, gender, weight, height, metabolism and several other biological factors. The amount of energy you need is also increased with exercise, as the body then needs more fuel to function. This is why exercise is such an important part of weight loss. It doesn’t burn away fat itself, but it means your body needs more energy to perform its basic biological functions.

This is also why a great and sustainable diet is so important for losing weight alongside exercise — which leads us back to the idea of intermittent fasting.

If you eat fewer calories than your body needs to operate, you will use the energy stored within your body fat. If you ingest more calories than your body needs, it will save those calories to support survival during leaner times. So the essential formula for weight loss is this:

Less food eaten = decreased calorie intake = weight loss.

And so, people commit to intermittent fasting diets. The core idea behind intermittent fasting is if you are eating over a shorter period, you are eating less food. If you are eating less food, you are eating fewer calories, which creates the environment required for fat loss. Some people even suggest that intermittent fasting is superior to other forms of caloric restriction, but research does not support this.

Trepanowski et al. (2017) found intermittent fasting is not superior to daily calorie restriction with regards to adherence, weight loss, weight maintenance, or improvement in risk indicators for cardiovascular disease. Another small-scale study found that traditional calorie-restrictive dieting plans were more effective for weight loss than intermittent fasting. So, everyone carrying out intermittent fasting is wrong?

When Intermittent Fasting Works

The short answer is again no.

Every side of the argument has a study to back up their claim. While we can tell you about lots of research that shows intermittent fasting doesn’t work as well as other methods, another nutritionist and personal trainer who supports the technique of intermittent fasting will probably quote you a totally different study on why it does work.

Intermittent fasting can work when it works for your lifestyle.

Some people don’t eat breakfast. If you simply cannot stomach food in the morning or if you can’t make time for breakfast, then intermittent fasting can become a sustainable food intake pattern.

David Higgins, trainer to stars like Margot Robbie and Claudia Schiffer, is one such advocate of sustainable intermittent fasting. He tells people that the 16/8 method is a good strategy for losing weight, but only if it works as part of your lifestyle.

This idea is supported by Harris et al. (2018), who note that if you aren’t making any changes to your current eating habits, then intermittent fasting can be a sustainable weight loss tool. The study found intermittent fasting may be an effective strategy for the treatment of overweight and obesity and is more effective than no treatment. Furthermore, Patterson & Sears (2017) found that an intermittent fasting regimen may be a promising approach to losing weight for people who can safely tolerate intervals of not eating, or eating very little, for certain hours of the day, night, or days of the week.

The key point here? It’s all down to the individual involved.

Sustainable Intermittent Fasting: Why It’s Not Always Possible

Healthy and sustainable weight loss is driven by dietary plans that work for an individual. If you dislike the way you are eating, then you won’t stick with it. Willpower supports quick results, but it doesn’t keep you healthy long term. The only way intermittent fasting can be sustainable, just like with any other weight loss strategy, is if you can make it part of a lifestyle that makes you happy.

If by conducting intermittent fasting, you are feeling hungry in the morning and lethargic until you eat lunch, it’s not for you. You cannot reasonably expect to maintain a sustainable weight loss program through intermittent fasting if you hate it. This is why studies show other diets work better for some people, but then sometimes intermittent fasting works for another group. It’s because it can work for you, but sometimes it won’t.

Intermittent fasting is not a magic bullet for weight loss. There is no true magic bullet that will guarantee you the best results. We’re all different, which means if you want to lose weight, you have to find a way of doing it that works with your life. You may try intermittent fasting and love it. Intermittent fasting may be unbearable for you.

Both reactions are absolutely fine.

When you want to lose weight, it’s about finding your happy medium. Your perfect balance. Sustainable intermittent fasting is a good state of mind, where you don’t have to work to achieve it. It’s not a battle to overcome adversity.

You might say that weight loss is all about willpower and commitment; dedication and pushing through. We’ve all been taught to think this, but it’s not the truth. All the happy and healthy people in your life. The thin friends you always envy. Are they constantly battling to keep their weight down? No. Are they just lucky to have faster metabolisms than you? No.

It’s their lifestyle that results in their good health. You can find a lifestyle that does the same.

Intermittent fasting may be part of that, but it might not be.

The Cons of Intermittent Fasting

Don’t get us wrong, if intermittent fasting works for you, then use it. Finding a lifestyle that supports sustainable health is probably the biggest challenge you’ll face on your road to weight loss. There is a lot of trial and error. Whatever works, use it to your advantage. However, we’re all about honest and genuine advice at The Sports Dietitian, so we want to make sure you are equipped with all the necessary tools to secure a brighter future for yourself. With that in mind, here are some critical things to know about intermittent fasting:

Reduction in Metabolism

This news is going to set off alarm bells. For those unsure of how metabolism impacts weight loss, metabolic rate is the speed at which you turn calories into energy for your body — the higher your metabolic rate, the more calories you need to sustain your current weight. So, if you have a high metabolic rate, weight loss is easier. A reduction in metabolism is the last thing anyone trying to lose weight wants.

The longer we are in a fasted state thanks to intermittent fasting, the longer we experience something called catabolism, which is the breaking down of muscle tissue to provide the protein we need for basic bodily function. This state is strongly related to reducing our metabolism. Small, frequent protein feedings of 20–30g five times a day are superior for maximising protein synthesis, compared to consuming protein in larger doses, less frequently as you would with intermittent fasting — Burke et al. 2010.

Protein synthesis is a key ingredient to enable us to maintain our muscle mass when adhering to a calorie deficit to achieve weight loss. There is a direct correlation between muscle mass, metabolically active tissue and metabolism. The more muscle mass we have, the higher our metabolism. Put simply, the more muscle mass we can retain, the more calories we can eat before gaining body fat.

And let’s face it — who doesn’t want to eat more when they can?

Therefore, when we fast, we reduce the effectiveness of protein synthesis, which negatively affects the amount of muscle mass we can retain during a calorie deficit (eating fewer calories than we are burning off). This, in turn, can reduce our metabolism and make achieving sustainable weight loss more difficult.

Hunger

If your body is not adapted to life without food — either through skipping breakfast, lower-calorie days, or two days fasting a week — you’ll experience hunger. Hunger is a massive demotivator. The sudden drop in glucose levels that comes from a lack of food impacts our state of mind, our energy levels and can leave us feeling frustrated. It’s tough to stick to a diet plan when you’re hungry, which means you’ll probably relapse into old behaviours.

Why do we eat? We eat for enjoyment, health, and cultural benefits. We eat to survive; we eat to perform physically and mentally. When fasted and hungry, our reaction time, problem-solving abilities and ability to keep our cool during stressful situations greatly reduces. So, if you want to be at your best during the morning, and breakfast is a part of that, make sure you eat instead of suffering through needlessly.

Poor Training Results

If you’re a morning exerciser, then intermittent fasting is unlikely to be sustainable. You need the energy to train. Energy comes from food. Training fasted without efficient fuel for energy will be a thorn in your side. There is a world of evidence supporting the importance of carbohydrate pre-exercise to maximise performance (Burke, 2017). No food in your system, no energy in your muscles, poor performance in the gym.

Bad Breath

A final one to think about, intermittent fasting can lead to reduced salivary flow, which is linked with bad breath. If you’re struggling with confidence and self-esteem in public due to your weight, bad breath is the last thing you need.

Sustainable Intermittent Fasting: Key Takeaways

Intermittent fasting is not necessary for weight loss and does have a lot of downsides. There are positives of intermittent fasting and it can help you — but only if it’s sustainable intermittent fasting that works with your current way of life. Don’t even try intermittent fasting if you love breakfast or get hungry between meals. It’s not going to work. It’s not sustainable.

If you love to eat, there is an easier way.

Eating a well-balanced diet, with the correct macronutrient structure will minimise hunger, maximise food palatability and eliminate the feeling you are on a diet. Really, diet is a nasty word we want to avoid. You don’t ever want to be on a diet — you just want to be eating well.

The key to sustainable weight loss results is discovering a convenient eating structure with regular accountability, motivation and behaviour change support that works for you. And let’s face it — if we are making an effort to adapt our current eating habits, the results we obtain had better be sustainable.

Visit More : https://thesportdietitian.co.uk/is-intermittent-fasting-sustainable

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nutravibes · 10 months

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oceanicyoga1 · 2 years

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How to lose weight from yoga?

Are you one of those who associate weight loss with only gym equipment, cardiovascular exercises, and weight-bearing exercises? But if you like to do yoga or want to lose weight by reaping the many benefits offered by yoga, here is good news for you. You can lose weight effectively with yoga and that too at no extra cost.

Yoga Teacher Training in India

Yoga is a relaxing activity that helps burn calories, improve mental health, reduce stress and anxiety and lose weight. Yoga is often associated with meditation and with the exercise of the mind. However, this modality has become very popular and people begin to know its true meaning and many of its benefits.

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In historical terms, yoga is more than 5,000 years old. It originated in India and was considered a way of life, working both on the body and the mind. Today, that philosophy is still maintained. Yoga continues to work on body and mind through postures and exercises that vary according to the style practiced.

There are several types of yoga. The most popular are: Vinyasa, Iyengar, Ashtanga, and Bikram. These styles are adapted to all tastes, ages, and objectives, so there is no excuse not to try. In general, everyone works on physical fitness, flexibility, breathing, and mental well-being.

Different Benefits of Yoga are as follow:

Yoga helps burn calories.

Like other activities, yoga is a great way to do physical exercise. Although some movements may be easier than others, their practice is quite complete. A good activity to burn calories.

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A typical yoga class usually begins with a brief introduction and warm-up, followed by various complex movements and postures. Finally, the class ends with a moment of relaxation or meditation.

The variation and difficulty of the postures make this activity an excellent way to improve metabolism. As a result, more calories are burned! This will help you lose weight in the long term!

Yoga posture relaxes the mind and relaxed body

In addition to a physical challenge, losing weight is also a psychological test. Therefore, it is important to keep the mind and body relaxed and prepared for the challenge. On the other hand, factors such as stress and hectic routines can interfere with your weight loss plan.

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This is where yoga can help you. Experts argue that if practiced continuously has a very positive effect in the long term. It makes you feel better and more relaxed, reduces stress and increases your sense of general well-being! All the indicators to lead a healthy life and lose weight!

Some yoga classes, such as Bikram, perform movements repeatedly. The sequence of 26 positions is repeated in exactly the same way in all classes. At first, it may seem strange or monotonous. On the other hand, it is precisely this constant repetition that produces a feeling of relaxation after each class.

Yoga has an impact on the digestive system

The different postures of yoga can have an impact on the organs of the body. Yoga instructors and practitioners from around the world confirm this.

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To make these results visible, it is important to practice yoga regularly. It all starts with a test class. If you are curious, you know, it is worth it

Benefits of Yoga for health

On a physical level

The so-called “asanas” of yoga will help you to tone the body.

Your resistance increases.

Your flexibility increases.

Improve muscle tone and posture in general.

Relaxation leaves us calm at a physical level.

Improved blood circulation.

The welfare state in general.

On a mental level

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Improvement of concentration, memory, and attention.

Emotional stability produced by the reduction of alterations and contact with oneself.

Peace and tranquility.

Self-awareness: improvement of the knowledge of one’s own body, of the breath and of the mind.

General well-being.

On a spiritual level

Development of wisdom and calm to face problems in a different way to which we are normally accustomed.

Freedom in your daily life thanks to the new concept of “I” and of others.

Greater rest during the night.

These are some of the breaths and yoga postures to lose weight:

Kapalabhati

Sit cross-legged on the yoga mat.

Your body should be straight, the column elongated.

Close your eyes and place your hands on your knees, in a comfortable position

The muscles of the abdomen must be completely relaxed, do not make an effort with them.

Breathe deeply and exhale the air through your nose, as if you made a snort. When you release the air, you will notice your abdomen pressing inward.

If you are starting the practice, do these breathe about 50 times. Increase the duration little by little until you get to do 10 minutes in a row.

Bhastrika Pranayama

This breathing helps put extra oxygen in the body.

Sit comfortably, preferably on a yoga mat or rug. Your legs must be crossed, one on top of the other.

Place your hands on your knees with your palms facing up, the tip of your thumb and the ring finger pressing against each other.

Take normal breaths and relax.

Now breathe deeply, with all your strength, so that the lung is full of oxygen.

Then, exhale forcefully through the nose, so that the air comes out sounding, like a whistle.

Repeat this about 5 or 10 times.

#Yoga Teacher Training in India

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hoeforce-999 · 3 years

Text

Salvation

hunter x jedi-reader (female with she/her pronouns)

warnings: minor spoilers for bad batch season 1, angst, grief.

From a young age, you had been taught to handle anger with gentle hands and delicate words, steadily reeling it in so you did not unleash it on people who did not deserve it. As a child being taught the way of the Jedi, you had not understood the dangers of constant anger and fear, but you hadn’t even experienced much of that to begin with. You no longer had the innocent and naive mind of a child ready to take on the world, but rather the one of a war-stricken adult who no longer knew what she was fighting for. You found it harder to control your anger and easier to unleash it. But that was not how you were taught, so again and again, you meditated and focused on your breathing.

and

out

Your attempts to calm the sizzling anger running through your veins were in vain, it would not disappear or calm no matter how many breaths you took. With even more frustration than before you got up from the floor of your barrack and sat down on the little too hard bed. It groaned in response to your weight and even that made you want to rip the white linen apart. You missed the beds at the Jedi temple, they had been soft and welcoming after days of hard training. As you thought of the place you had once called home, the lightsaber hanging from your belt felt heavier than usual. Heavy with the knowledge that you had chosen to leave, heavy with the knowledge of what had transpired after, and heavy with the guilt that you had managed to survive. Of all great padawans and Jedi masters, the one who had left it all behind had been the one to make it out alive. A broken laugh escaped past your sealed lips and echoed through the room, reminding you of a time when that laugh had not been as broken. It felt like it had just been weeks ago since you had been sitting in this ship, surrounded by your unusual team, a group of misfits who somehow fit perfectly together, on your way to another mission. Sometimes those missions had not even felt like obligations, sometimes you had given in to that young Jedi still inside of you and regarded it as your big adventure to save the universe. As it turned out you had barely been able to save yourself, let alone the whole universe. The only way you had gotten out of that last mission with your life intact, had been thanks to your newfound family and their unrelenting wish to protect you. You closed your eyes as the memory of that horrid day engulfed you in a veil of darkness and sorrow. There would not come a day when you would forget how all those clone troopers around you, Depa Billaba and young padawan Caleb had turned their blasters towards you. You would not forget how you and Depa Billapa had fought to give the child a chance, a chance to survive as the universe turned against him. Then she had fallen, becoming an empty shell without the spirit of the warrior who had once been and now no longer was. The memory of her death was haunting and your whole body was shaking with the fury you had felt and still felt as if it had been engraved in your soul. Though your memory was the reminder of something from your past, the fear you had experienced was still palpable as you thought about how close you had been to meeting the same fate. There had been no doubt in your mind that you would fall next, join her in another life with the only regret that you did not get to bid your farewells to your squad. Almost as if they had heard that silent wish to see them again, they had appeared with their blasters raised and saved your life. One of them, in particular, had fought as if his life depended on it. His chestnut-colored hair had been all over his face as he finally got to you, that red bandana he always wore was in his hands as he carefully put it around one of your wounds. He had been so tender with you as if his touch would have been the last point for you to break. It might have been, had you not been so caught up in the fact that whatever had gotten over the other clones, had left your friends alone. You had been relieved for all of them, but most of all for him, the clone who somehow had managed to take up such a big place in your heart that it had become his.

Hunter, Hunter, Hunter

You escaped your memory and forced it into the darkest corner of your mind, wishing to never again experience it again. Instead, you tried to focus on his name, tried to busy your mind with thoughts of what he was doing or things he had said to you. He was usually enough to calm the distressed state you seemed to fall into more often now, but not today. It seemed as if all your tries to calm your anger and fear were hopeless, for you could only feel them rising as a force strong enough to drown you. When you felt how the darkness grew inside of you, you thought back to the words a certain Jedi master had repeated time after time, etching them into every young mind so they would not forget.

Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.

You had not forgotten and neither had the warning bells ringing in your mind, but for such a long time you had been fighting against that dark part of you and you were growing so damn tired. This was a battle you had been struggling to win for some time now, and you were on the brink of giving up. It felt as if you should, perhaps then you could become stronger and actually do something for this universe. Maybe you would be able to bring your other friend back, the brother who had left and when given the choice, had turned his back on you again. You had been so furious as he stayed on the platform in front of a destroyed Kamino, there had been so much rage towards a universe that seemed to take everyone away from you. The darkness inside of you relished in your anger and the guilt that gnawed at your soul, and then it started to soothe you with silent promises of what you could do, who you could become if you only gave in. You could have sworn that the darkness sighed in relief as you leaned further into its embrace, perhaps this would be for the best.

yes, you can have so much more and that was true, right? You would have more power than you had now, you would be able to save everyone you loved and never have to experience that heavy feeling of loss again.

yes, yes and so much more it chanted inside of you, drawing you further and further into it and you could almost have laughed because this was so much easier and not so horrid as those Jedi masters had preached to you. Somewhere in your head, those warning bells were still ringing, that young Jedi in you still fighting for dear life but you could do nothing else but savor how welcoming the darkness felt. It was becoming you, it became every breath you took, every beat of your heart, and every memory you had until they were all clouded by the same rage you had felt for weeks. This was not giving up, this was giving in to something else, something that would make your life more bearable. You were not even aware of your own body anymore, it felt as if you were floating away from it or perhaps sinking so deep into it, you would never escape.

This is the right choice, you will be one to fear and never again feel fear yourself. You will do so much for the universe that gave you so little. You will-.

The chants inside of your mind were interrupted by a buzzing sound, and as you tried to locate the interruption you realized that it was not a buzzing sound but rather a soft voice calling your name. Oh, and your name on his lips always sounded like the soft drizzle of syrup and so that darkness in you was momentarily interrupted by Hunter.

This is just a memory, he is not real. You hummed in response, the darkness was right, this was just a ploy played by your own mind. Once again you found yourself sinking deeper into those feelings of rage, grief, and despair. Though it was as if you could still hear his voice saying your name, and then his hands were on your shoulders, shaking you as if he somehow could wake you up from a nightmare you had chosen to dwell in. He must be able to sense the change in you, that was one of his enhancements after all, hypersensitive to everything around him. Your name on his lips and his hands on your body ignited a battle inside of you, for just as there was a wish to forget there was a desire to hear more words from him.

“Cyar'ika, I can’t lose you too.”

Right, if you succumbed to the darkness you would lose him. He who had saved you in so many different ways that it felt as if you had a hundred debts to pay him. Maybe he was enough, maybe you did not need all this power that the dark side promised you. Perhaps his hand in yours would be enough for you to keep on fighting and as if he could hear your thoughts, his grip on your shoulders tightened. You knew then, that he would always be enough for you and so you joined the young Jedi in you and started fighting, fought for the girl who had once believed she could save everyone, fought for the friends she had lost, and fought for the love she had gained. Your whole body shuddered as you tried to force that darkness out of your mind, it was backing away slowly, not really wanting to give up this battle. But it would, because when you finally gained control of yourself again and looked into Hunter’s eyes the love that shone in them would have been enough to shatter every ounce of darkness in the universe. The anger and fear you had felt had vanished, never gone but perhaps tamed, and you let out a gasp, almost as if you had been drowning underwater. His hands were on your face and a small smile formed on his lips as he saw that you were you again.

“Hi.” You could not help the small smile that tugged on your lips either, there was just so much relief that you had not given in and that this man once again had managed to drag you out of your inner despair. You lifted a hand to stroke some of his hair away, it was soft as velvet beneath your fingers. He leaned forward to rest his forehead on yours, his hard grip on your shoulders remained as if he was scared that you would vanish again if he let go. So he kept on holding you and you kept on twirling his hair, both relieved that the other was whole.

“Glad to have you back.” He whispered and you promised yourself to never again let yourself be so close to letting him go. The darkness had been wrong, you did not need anger or power to never feel fear again. The only thing you needed was to stay with the person who would make it all bearable. Sometimes a person finds pieces of their soul in another, and when that happens you need to cling to that someone with all you have, for they are your salvation. He was yours.

#the bad batch x reader #the bad batch #the bad batch hunter #hunter x reader #hunter x jedi-reader #hunter x you #hunter x y/n #bad batch hunter #star wars x reader #star wars imagines #bad batch imagines #the bad batch imagines #crosshair x reader #tech x reader #wrecker x reader #echo x reader

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yandere-sins · 3 years

Text

Rest

a/n: This is a little something for @meilc because it’s your birthday!!! (At least, here in Germany already lol!) I hope you get to have a nice day and some rest, you’ve been working very hard lately! I wish you all the best and hopefully you can enjoy this a little bit, being smothered by your favs ♥ Crazy how it all started with Obey Me! and now we’ve become such good friends, I am super glad to have you in my life ♥

Characters: Solomon x NB!Reader x Asmodeus (Obey Me!) Warnings: Manipulation, Magic as drug used Words: 1248

The short, fleeting words Solomon whispered in your ears were as sweet as the magic drifting through Asmodeus' room. It smelled lighter than perfume, heavier than roses, but either way, it completely fogged your mind, making your lips curl into a grin as you leaned against the magician, enjoying his strong embrace.

"I love you."

"You are special."

"You're beautiful."

You heard his words, yet their implications didn't manage to get through to you. All you knew was that you were happy about the attention; happy to receive such tender affections. Usually, you kept such a great distance to Solomon, but now, you wondered why. Was it because he looked at you as if he wanted to devour you? Or because you couldn't handle him whenever he became a little too 'intrigued' by your magic, pestering you with questions and urging you to actions you couldn't possibly fulfill? The few times he cornered you, your eyes frantically trying to avoid eye contact with him, had scared you enough, and you never wanted to repeat them.

It was so hard to read him. You two should have been getting along well, partners in crime - or well, at least the only humans in Devildom. But ever since he took note of your abilities, Solomon had become more and more obsessed with being close to you. You could never understand what he thought when all he did was drill you with his intense gaze and this ever-lasting smile on his face, void of any emotions.

However, right now, if there was anything else than joy and tenderness in his expression as he held you in his arms, you didn't notice it.

At the same time, his arms were so big. They were long enough to hold you in them completely, to reach around you, and play with your hands in your lap. His fingers were long as well but smooth as stone and just as cool and refreshing. You found yourself holding on to them tightly, never softening your grip, fearing to let go. Everything… was so woozy. If he let go, you might fall. You feared this hypothetical, endless fall. It made you tense and sit straight up, gasping.

"It's alright," Solomon cooed to you softly, taking both your hands into his, easily loosening the grip you had on him as if you weren't holding on tightly at all. With his free hand, he reached up, brushed back over your head, and caressed your cheek. Sighing, you enjoyed the coldness spreading over your skin, the world stopping to turn for a little bit, and you sunk back against his chest. "Just relax," he hummed, and you were glad to have him here with you. Alone, this would have been scary, but you felt safe with Solomon, and strangely enough, a feeling of belonging washed over you as well.

"Oh my," a familiar chuckle echoed through the room. The mattress budging under the weight of another person almost made you feel like falling again, but Solomon was quick to tighten his arms around you, and you were endlessly thankful he did. "They're really gone for, Solomon," Asmodeus chuckled, popping into your vision. Smiling heartfelt at you, he leaned forward for a kiss, and you eagerly returned it, even following as he pulled away first, Asmo's lips curling into a smile. "I don't mind, but is this what you wanted?"

The sigh from Solomon that followed worried you. It sounded so sad, so heavy as if the weight of the world rested on his shoulders. What could have happened? "I don't like having to do this," he revealed and catching your worried gaze as you laid your head back, the frown on his face faded into a gentle smile. Again, one of those cool, tender hands reached up to let your head rest in its palm. Just as adorably as a pet.

"Humans are so fickle, don't you know?" he mumbled, watching you nuzzle into his hand and sighing blissfully. "Even though I am an exception, I've seen it plenty of times. It was necessary that they take a break." Leaning down, Solomon graced your free cheek with his lips briefly before resting his against yours. "I can't let them wear themselves down more. Studies, work, and the constant troubles your brothers are bringing over them. They needed this."

For a while, it grew quiet as Solomon closed his eyes, face sinking into your shoulder, taking deep breaths. If Asmodeus wanted to reply, he kept it to himself; instead, he watched his favorite humans cuddle it out. "As I said, I don't mind," he finally spoke up, rising from his spot to close in on you and Solomon, "Whatever makes you happy, Master ~" Asmo cooed, pushing both of your bodies back into the pillows behind Solomon.

"But you'd really hate to be left out of it," was Solomon's addition to his demon's words, an amused smile returning back on his face as he looked up at Asmo, who climbed on top of the body pile. You were gently sandwiched between the two, but you didn't even mind since the next thing you knew was Asmo's kiss, sweet as honey and exciting as sparkling wine. You gave in to it, Asmodeus spreading a warmth through you that was different from the one Solomon's embrace lulled you into.

The latter remained a quiet observer while Asmodeus nibbled at your lips, stole your breath, and opened your mouth for him. As if the smell of Solomon's magic wasn't enough to have you lose your mind, the kiss quickly got heated enough to make you gasp for air beneath the demon, frantically searching for Solomon's hands to cool you off and keep you from falling more and more into the daze.

You couldn't even feel surprised anymore when you found Solomon's hands intertwined with Asmo's, both pairs reaching up on your inquiry to hold you, roam over you, make you shudder from the alternating hot and cold you felt tearing at your body. And somewhere in that chaos, Asmodeus' lips changed to Solomons, even though Asmo never left you, making sure you felt him all over your skin, and at the same time, you felt like never knowing where he was.

"You can always rely on us," Solomon whispered against your lips, his breath tempting you to another kiss. "We know what's best for you, and that's being with us. Here. You don't have to worry about anything; we'll take care of you."

In your dazed state, you believed him.

"We love you ~" you heard the unison of their voices, each on a different ear, coming from different places. And you loved to believe this as well. How nice was it to avoid responsibilities? To only be with the people that loved you? To feel no anger, no sadness, only the fear of losing them combined with the euphoria of having them stay with you always?

If only it could have stayed this way forever.

Just you, Solomon, and Asmodeus.

"I love you too," you whispered, petting their heads tenderly and finding their gazes even if everything seemed to spin around you. They exchanged a short glance before smiling, meeting you halfway for either of them taking one corner of your mouth for their kiss.

All three of you hoping Solomon's ability would never run out of magic, and reality would never be able to catch up to you.

Or else, someone's heart had to break.

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boytouya · 3 years

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𝘽𝙡𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙊𝙪𝙩 𝘿𝙖𝙮𝙨

warning: eating disorders, brief panic attack, reader bodychecks once (out of habit) but if you blink you miss it

words: 1.1k

a/n: the first fic to celebrate 700 followers is finished!! i just want everyone struggling with an eating disorder to know that they are not alone. the world will not fall down on you if you eat. it’s okay to eat. you deserve to. i don’t mention any type of numbers, weight (or weight classifications), calories, etc. but there is one mention of ‘safe foods.’ if you or a loved one is struggling with an eating disorder, don’t be afraid to reach out. here is a list of hotlines.

Shouta’s hair disrupts his vision with stringy strands of jet black. He blinks slowly, hoping if he blinks hard enough the feeling of insatiable drowsiness will leave his body. He can hear you, his fiancé, in the next room. The clock reads twelve, and he raises his eyebrows. He often stayed up with you, but that didn’t necessarily mean he felt good about hearing his beloved awake during late hours of the night.

He huffs, the pink of his bottom lip jutting out until his face melts back into its usual neutral state. His legs carry him past creaky floors and even creakier doors, until he can see the back of your head. He considers placing his hand on your head, feeling the softness of your hair as it caresses his fingertips. Shouta hasn’t seen you all day. He missed the large hoodies and baggy clothes. He’d never thought about it until now, but the two of you really were a match made in heaven...and the day flew by way too fast.

Aizawa’s stomach growls, rumbles low in his gut and exudes out into the busy air. It gets your attention before Shouta can surprise you with gentle touches, and you meet his eyes with a delayed response. It deepens his frown, but you don't seem to notice, “Are you hungry?”

“..No,” To be honest, you were. There was hunger gnawing at you straight from the core of your stomach, carried out through your veins and morphed into constant mental hunger. As hungry as you were, you couldn’t help but skip meals anyway. To you, hunger was some sort of success, a sign you were doing something right. So the question makes your heart race, makes your chest tighten and threatens to close your throat. Nevertheless, you pretend to have it under control. That’s all you have, anyway. “I’m still full from breakfast.”

Because that was the only meal Aizawa actually saw you eat. Well, not really. Shouta watched you get it, saw the empty bowl in the sink, so he assumed. The teacher wasn’t one to assume, though. He was an observant man, he took his time and looked things through. In truth, he had no reason to be suspicious. He just wanted to be sure. He just wanted to be there.

“That was...hours ago,” Something sour rests on his tongue, but the way he looks at you is nothing other than fond. But in your eyes, it’s pure rage. He’s mad. He knows. He knows and it’ll all be taken away, all your hard work. All of your progress. The feeling of success on an empty stomach. Everything you’re one step toward.. washed away in one night. Upon instinct, your hand rubs at its collarbones. Just to check. Just to be sure. “Are you su- What's wrong?”

You had to keep it up. Around Aizawa, you were enthusiastic as ever. Not loud, but pretty excitable when you wanted to be. Shouta knew you could be expressionless, he knew the love of his life could be unenthusiastic when he wanted to be. Seeing you so distraught- watching a dam that he didn’t even know was built break- made his heart evaporate. It dropped straight to the floor, straight through his stomach and filled him with concern. Even through the panic, Aizawa’s stature remained calm.

“Nothing.” You don't want to say it. You don't know how to say it, you don't think you can. You don't even know if you're ready to. But Shouta understands, he has a hunch. He doesn’t get it, not entirely, but he wants to.

So he sits next to you, makes himself comfortable as he sinks into the sofa and keeps a comfortable space between you. He isn’t sure whether to hold you close, or to keep a minor distance. He sticks to expressing himself through the quirk of his eyebrows (he’s been told his smile isn’t very comforting), and he places his hand on your shoulder.

“You have to tell me,” Shouta sighs, letting out a breath he was holding until it hurt his lungs. The teacher wasn’t great with words, not when it came to comfort. He usually kept it to a minimum, a few ruffles to hair or a fist to someone’s chest every now and then, but it wasn’t easy to put his emotions into comprehensive words. “Not now, but eventually.”

Then the ladder stands, noting the pair of eyes on his back until he opens the fridge. Most of the foods in the fridge, you think, are safe. Some days that wasn’t the point. That wasn’t enough. You watch Aizawa return with an apple anyway, the taller man even cuts it into slices so it appears less intimidating. He’s seen his fiancé do it, at least.

“It doesn’t have to be a lot,” Shouta takes a bite of an apple slice, the sound of the skin snapping against his teeth. Then, he offers it to the man watching him. You didn’t necessarily have to psych yourself up to eat, you could honestly just do it if you really wanted to. But that was the thing, when you wanted to you didn’t. When you could, you couldn’t. “Just one.”

But Shouta is there to pick up the pieces. He’s there to help you eat an apple- you almost laugh at the absurdity- but he stops it before you can even try. He watches you crumble- lets you- holds the pieces in his hands and molds you back together. He knew what it was like to lose those he loved, and he didn’t want to lose you too.

“You’re always so handsome,” He lets the praise slip from his mouth, trying not to blame himself for not noticing any sooner. You chew longer than other people usually do, Shouta notes. He isn’t sure what he wants to do with that information; what that information means, but he puts it in his pocket anyway. He lets you fall apart in front of his eyes, he makes it his mission to protect you from (in this case) yourself. He takes it upon himself to look away, just so you don't grow uncomfortable under his gaze. There’s a muted rumble, quiet and suppressed but his ears still catch it. He lets you chew, hears you swallow, and whispers encouragement. “It won’t get to you, not while I’m here.”

“C’mere, honey,” He curls his finger in a beckoning motion, a gentle smile on his face. He lets you rest against his shoulder, and allows you to lean your entire body onto him. Shouta pets the top of your head. “Problem child. We’ll get through this together.”

Aizawa wraps his arm around your shoulders, his large hands resting on top of another set of hands, adorned by an engagement ring. “I’m proud of you.”

taglist:

@lustclubs @indigowren21 @cannedfoodisbestfood @junkwhoore @kissesdenji @sanderssidesangsttrash @i-d0g @kaito-asmr @jream-23 @princejasno @mel-bigia04 @mhasimp666 @onehellofasimp @corporeal-terrestrial @angelaturservice @shadows-of-nightmares @sleepyslvt @rintarosaku

#💕.aizawa #aizawa x male reader #aizawa x y/n #aizawa x reader #aizawa shouta x you #aizawa shouta x y/n #aizawa imagine #aizawa fluff #anime x reader #anime x male reader #mha x male reader #bnha x male reader #bnha x you #mha x you #x reader #x male reader

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cosmosrival · 3 years

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i've been wondering about it for a while and i think... i'd like the tumblr fgo fandom to also know about this fact concerning kama, because it's the piece of trivia that i'd like to see referenced in the game THE MOST since it would allow so many interactions and could give kama more depth. Because they clearly need it lol ! Kiara got amazing dev, hopefully they'll also get their turn.

In Hinduism, Kamadeva represents the concept of [desire] on all possible scales. This is why in some particular stories (called Vedas), some believe that Kamadeva is one of the most powerful deities and Shiva's clear nemesis. Because Kamadeva is the physical embodiment of [wanting] something, letting Kama win would mean that your materialistic desires(kāma as a concept) ultimately triumph over ascetic practices(Shiva). This is one of the reasons why Kamadeva isn't worshipped like other much well known Hindu deities. A professor of religion called Catherine Benton, wrote a book about their iconography after studying Kamadeva through the ages and travelling to India, here's a few bits i found extremely interesting:

In reference to Kama losing his body and thus becoming [the universe], basically everything around us. When Shiva burned Kama, he ultimately made him infinitely more powerful.

I understand why Kama would end up depressed in FGO, because they were persecuted by the other gods, because of Mara's demonic influence, because of the weight of half a human heart and only feelings of negativity that came with it, nothing else. They clearly state in Ooku that this pain is the reason why they hate having a body. Being in constant pain is both physically and mentally exhausting, and people who just brand it as Kama being lazy because they don't want to work since Love Is Annoying are missing the point. Passing it off as lazyness is much easier for Kama to explain than a millenia's worth of grudges.

And following this, this is what i'd like to see clearly mentioned in FGO:

They are not just the God of Love. They represent [desire, passion, craving as a generality].

In Ooku, Mara gets called out for not knowing of "the love a parent has for its child" or the "love felt when you see a loved one grow" and i believe that it's fitting. Only when it comes to Mara though. Because Kamadeva is a benevolent God at their source. Even if the both of them eventually merged, they are still two distinct existences because one is a God and the other is a Demon. And the fact that they remember their personal histories in their interlude is proof that they are aware of who they are and what they represent. They state that they don't "feel it too well as things they personally experienced", because they are only one shard of their initial godly self. Which makes them even more tragic actually. Imagine remembering lifetimes of scenes You lived through, but they don't feel like Yours. Feeling like a stranger in their own memories because they cannot remember the [feelings] they felt when they traveled with Rati and Vasanta or what these 2 felt for them. Because in Chaldea, Kama Assassin is "Ananga", the One without a Body, cursed to be in constant pain.

I'd like for their alt to possibly reference the fact that they are [desire] in its general and conceptual form. That they can feel it when you partake in your favourite hobbies, when you create, when you cook, when you garden, when you get to do something that makes you passionate. FGO already talked about Kama being the universe, but it barely touched upon the real meaning behind that fact. They are [desire and passion] as a concept given physical form. It might feel a bit overpowered, but since their Divinity is only at rank B, i doubt they would be able to do much about this other than being aware of generic human passions. Like some sort of observer. And i also believe that it would be soothing for them, because it would allow them to remember positive feelings linked to desire without having to bother themself with matters of romantic love. They're not clueless about love, they simply don't remember the wonderfulness of it.

They'd be able to grow from being a Beast, an enemy of humanity, into some sort of guardian. In the [They're conceptually with you when you're enjoying yourself and it can be about anything, not just lust] sense. Their interlude already proved that they're great at taking care of others, despite them only having Sakura's negative parts as a vessel. They are able to be like this, because they are a benevolent God at their core.

Although their healing will take time, the fact that they're already the universe is a beginning.

#kama #fgo #fate grand order #nasu do your homework. its all i ask.#bc i did mine #and kama doesnt have THAT many distinct stories.#the fact that they represent desire in its generic form is universal in all of them.#so yknow !#kama fgo #ree's text posts

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tcm · 3 years

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FATSO and THE HONEYMOON KILLERS by Susan King

Being overweight is a traumatic experience both physically and emotionally. There’s depression, lack of self-worth, loneliness and the fear that no one will love you because of your size. Even if you lose weight, it’s still hard to believe in yourself due to past limiting beliefs. Over the years, filmmakers have explored this sensitive subject, including John Waters (Hairspray, 2007), Jane Campion (Sweetie, 1989) and P.J. Hogan (Muriel’s Wedding, 1994).

Oscar-winning actress Anne Bancroft came up with the idea for FATSO (1980), her only feature film as a director, at AFI’s Directing Workshop for Women in the mid-1970s, where it was developed as a short film. The first film produced by her husband Mel Brooks’ Brooksfilm, FATSO is a comedy about Dominick DiNapoli (Dom DeLuise), an overweight New York shopkeeper whose late mother always fed him as a child whenever he was upset. Now, his eating is out of control. He still lives at home, and his nagging sister (Bancroft) and her family reside downstairs in a two-family brownstone, while Dominick and his brother, exasperated Frank Jr. (Ron Carey), live upstairs. When their 39-year-old extremely overweight cousin Sal suddenly dies, Bancroft’s Antoinette harps and nags her brother to see a diet doctor. When the diet doesn’t work, she enrolls him in a “Chubby Checkers” support group. It’s only when he meets Lydia (Candice Azzara), a neighboring shopkeeper, that he tries to turn his life around.

Critics basically trounced FATSO when it was released 41 years ago. Roger Ebert actually gave it a one-star rating. Gene Siskel declared it “an emaciated script idea. Two basic dramatic approaches to fatness are to regard it as comic, or tragic. Anne Bancroft has somehow avoided both approaches in FATSO, a movie with the unique distinction of creating in its audiences an almost constant suspense about how they are supposed to be react.”

However, the film has grown in reputation over the years and was even included in a retrospective on liberating Hollywood women directors in the 1970s at the UCLA Film & Television Archive in 2019, describing the film as a “hilarious, heartwarming comedy.” That’s a bit of hyperbole. DeLuise, who rarely got a chance to really show his comic brilliance in film and television, is the best thing about FATSO. He’s funny and poignant and has chemistry to spare with Azzara.

And Bancroft does show just how hard it is to lose weight. In one sequence, Dominick convinces his brother to padlock the fridge and the pantry only to threaten him with a knife in the middle of the night to unlock them. Depressed at his behavior, he calls the Chubby Checkers (Richard Karron and Paul Zegler) for help. But when they start talking about food, the trio goes crazy in the kitchen and eats everything in sight.

When he decides to propose to Lydia only to discover she’s not home, Dominick goes crazy and eats $40 worth of Chinese take-out. Just as Siskel noted, Bancroft tries to make these scenes funny but, in fact, they are incredibly sad. Though Bancroft excelled at comedy as an actress and was married to a comic genius, she had problems writing and directing comedy. Though he’s considered fat in the film, DeLuise is just pleasingly plump. He’s nowhere near the 325 pounds he was later in his life. FATSO did change the lives of the two Chubby Checkers played by Karron and Zegler. They both lost a substantial amount of weight over the years.

Just like Bancroft, the shockingly riveting thriller THE HONEYMOON KILLERS (1970) was the sole film written and directed by composer Leonard Kastle. He actually wasn’t the first director on the film; however, Martin Scorsese was given the pink slip after the first week because he was taking too long. Noted as Francois Truffaut’s favorite American film, THE HONEYMOON KILLERS vividly depicts the self-esteem issues many have when being overweight.

A grim nurse, Martha (Shirley Stoler, the Nazi guard in Seven Beauties, 1975), lives at home with her nagging friend Bunny (Doris Roberts) who keeps telling her to lose weight. The more stressed Martha gets, the more she eats. In fact, eating has almost become sex to her whether she’s devouring chocolates, cookies or even a pretzel. But she desperately wants to fall in love but fears her weight will prevent her from finding a man.

Unbeknown to Martha, Bunny has submitted her name to a “lonely hearts” club and soon she gets a letter from Ray Fernandez (Tony Lo Bianco) from New York City. He soon visits Martha in Alabama where he seduces her and convinces her to give him a loan. After he leaves, Ray writes her a Dear Jane letter. Threatening to commit suicide, Ray allows her to visit him in New York where he reveals he’s a gigolo/con man who seduces and swindles lonely women. Because she is so lovesick and doesn’t want to lose him, she accompanies him on his jobs posing as his “sister.”

THE HONEYMOON KILLERS was inspired by the true story of Raymond Fernandez and Martha Beck, the legendary “lonely hearts killers” of the 1940s, who were executed at Sing Sing in 1951. Even 51 years after its release, THE HONEYMOON KILLERS is very disturbing. Not only are the murders gruesome, but Martha’s mistreatment as a “fat girl” has turned her into a psychopath. She will do anything and everything to keep her man even attempting to drown herself when she hears Ray trying to seduce one of his conquests at the riverbank. In an interview, producer Warren Steibel stated “we wanted to do an honest movie about murders. These are not charming people. They are sleazy people-but fascinating. You won’t come out of the theatre feeling sorry for the killers like in some movies. It is not romanticized.”

While these films aren’t necessarily positive portrayals of body weight, and it should be noted that each were made by directors who themselves were not overweight, both are iconic in their focus on fatness and its perception during the time in which these films were made.

#The Honeymoon Killers #fatso #body image #weight #fat #TCM #Turner Classic Movies #Susan King

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nutravibes · 10 months

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wyn-n-tonic · 3 years

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Golden, Like Daylight -- Part VIII

Word Count: 1,304 Warnings: PTSD. I don't think anything else needs a warning? Message me if I'm wrong though, I'll fix it. Author's Note: Thanks for your patience in getting this chapter out! Last week was difficult and then I had friends come over for the weekend (FRIENDS! AMAZING!). I'm not super proud of this but I'm also proud of this. We're getting to the end of this series and I'm just really... in fucking awe at all the nice things that have been said to me about this. Like, I'm genuinely over the moon and losing my mind every time somebody says something nice to me. Thank you so much for reading!

MASTERLIST | PART: I | II | III | IV | V | VI | VII | VIII | IX

He slaps the passport against Pope’s forehead, starting a long held tradition between the two and he knows this will be the last time as he slowly says, “Nos vemos.”

See you.

The flatness he gives the words lets Santiago Garcia know, as he takes his friend and brother in, if he sees this man again, it will be through exchanged nods at functions for the others.

Santiago steps forward and Frankie embraces him but it’s wrong. It’s all wrong for who they are to each other. Who they were. It’s wooden, the weight of this mission—this mess—adding a new kind of density to the pain he carries. Frankie’s out for the count. For good.

“Cuídate,” he whispers into his friend’s ear.

Take care of yourself.

And he walks away, heading home where he belongs. A place he shouldn’t have left in the first place. Out of all the regrets Santiago has, dragging that man to Colombia might just be one of his biggest.

Leah was right, Santiago is never the one picking up the pieces. —————

He has to knock.

She disabled the doorbell the day they moved in, placing a small sign where delivers and visitors could easily read:

A combat veteran lives here, please knock gently.

She didn’t want any loud, sudden noises to trigger panic attacks. Wanted him to be comfortable in his home.

He didn’t tell her it would be today, wasn’t sure when he’d be able to get a flight out so he didn’t want to get her hopes up. But it had all worked out and he hadn’t had time to call and he doesn’t have his keys.

He didn’t take any identifying information with him. No phone. No keys. No wallet. Just the black tags that now sit heavy against his chest. He slipped them on mid-flight and walked back into the country with them to a quiet, welcome home, soldier from the customs agent. He didn’t even notice as he stamped the little blue book that the name stamped into the metal was completely different.

Frankie scratches his smooth face and stares down at the near bare feet standing firm on the wood of his front porch.

He made it.

He packed light back into the States, dumping his clothes and boots in the trash. All he has now is eight thousand in cash, a couple gifts for the girls and the fake passport he’ll be running through the shredder tonight. He picked up the flip flops at a vendor where he bought some of the shit to stuff with the cash.

Another steadying breath drags through his lungs and he looks around his silent neighborhood, the one Leah insisted on because of its proximity to the base. Illegal to set off fireworks this close to government property.

She shot down every house he found in any other part of the city and he didn’t even know why until the Fourth of July when his back bristled in anxiety waiting for the attacks to take his mind for the night.

Tears well up in his eyes as he finally brings his hand down on the sturdy wood.

She loves me so much more than I deserve. —————

“You stole my goddamn shirt, Francisco Morales,” she mumbles sleepily into his chest.

They haven’t left the couch all night, both his girls with their faces firmly planted into his chest. Their fitful sleep eased by the peace of his beating heart against their ears.

“I brought it back,” he laughs, smoothing her hair back, “but I won’t take it again, baby, I promise.”

And he means it. The only reason he took it to begin with is because she wears it as often as he does, her smell wrapped up in his and he brought it for comfort. But the rain and the saltwater of the sea wiped that scent away and he’s not doing this shit again.

“Because you’re not going anywhere again, right?” There’s a slight panic to the words, no matter how slowly they roll out.

He pulls her closer, “never, mi alma.”

“Good,” she looks up and he breaks all over again at her bloodshot, tired eyes, glassy and searching. Her pain meeting his but unspoken in favor of quiet reunion, his heart breaks because it wasn’t just him almost losing everything on a risky at best plan and he never even stopped to consider it was her everything too.

He saw it when she opened the door and instead of crumbling inwards with their daughter resting against her chest, she opened her arms and let him crumble instead. It was there when she excused herself to the bathroom and when she came back, falling apart in stolen moments of peace and quiet.

“I won’t do this again,” he says, the pad of this thumb sliding across the curve of her cheekbone; skin already raw with tear stains where they’ve run like rivers around her. She breaks into him then, arms tight around his still sore body as she buries her head into his broad chest. He instinctively moves to running his hand through her hair—his large hands turning her to jelly with each brush against her scalp—before he speaks again, adding reassurance to his words.

“And if I didn’t think you’d love it so much, I’d never even want to go back to St. John's.” He stresses that last bit, because it was the least stressful part of it all and still stabbed at him. Pulled at him. Reminded him that he was away. That he did this to his family.

“If you don’t want to be there,” she hiccups, “then I’ll never love it.”

And she means it. —————

Frankie cuts the last box open to begin sorting through the goods shipped home. The system follows that Frankie unloads the boxes, Benny separates the goods and Will counts the money. It’s worked flawlessly over the weekend as everything is accounted for, including the stacks that bought their way back into the country.

“How do we go about this shit anyway?” It's the question that’s been on Frankie’s mind from the jump, hoping he doesn’t find himself in another goddamn mess to maneuver away from.

“We can’t deposi—“

“No shit, William, so what do we do?”

He doesn’t need more crimes on top of all the ones he’s already committed. Money laundering on top of murder. Doesn’t even know where to start and a hundred thousand is hardly something to open a carwash about. He feels a stress settling in as he realizes he didn’t fully think this through.

“Just be smart about it,” comes the younger Miller’s voice, “keep it in the house, use it for groceries and other errands. Anything small that can be paid for cash, pay for it in cash. It adds up so your bank isn’t hit with constant fees, you can use that for the big shit. If you get in a pinch, deposit a couple hundred but never more than that. If you do need more, give cash to a friend and have them transfer it to your account.”

Benny looks up and finds the stunned faces of his brothers, “what? I dated a chick who was really into that Dave Ramsey guy.”

Frankie just continues to look at him in confusion, not expecting any of this information to come from Benny of all people and it seems Will wasn’t either because he follows it up with,

“Who the fuck is Dave Ramsey?”

“You know,” Benny continues to separate the goods into piles to be donated, “he’s that guy who talks about the money, I think that's the best way to go about it. We can’t exactly Breaking Bad this.”

“You're not smart enough to Breaking Bad this,” Frankie tells him.

“Nope,” he smiles, “I'm smarter.”

#frankie morales #francisco 'catfish' morales #francisco morales #francisco catfish morales #triple frontier #triple frontier fanfiction #frankie morales fanfiction #will miller #benny miller #santiago garcia #santiago 'pope' garcia #william 'ironhead' miller #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #ofc #oc #original character #original female character

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badwolf-winchester · 3 years

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Ancient Bloodlines

Pairing: Loki x Emy Nightstar (OC)

OC Summary: Emy is the newest Avenger. She specializes in Magic and close range attacks/ weapons. Her heritage is unknown to her as she was left at an orphanage door step when she was a young girl with only the memory of her name. She goes by her nickname Emy but has never told anyone her full name as its a reminder of her being abandoned. Emy can see through any illusion and Magic no matter how powerful they are or how strong the magic is and is unaware of this. Her powers include Telekinesis, Elemental Control, True Sight (as stated above) Enhanced healing and Shifting (she wont discover this till much later in the story). She loves to read, listen to music, play violin, sing, and draw.

Story Info: Takes place after infinity wars. Tony and Natasha are alive Steven comes back from the future after giving back the infinity stones. Vision is alive and living with Wanda in the tower. Thor and Loki live in the tower with the rest of the Avengers and for the sake of the story Himedall is alive and living with the rest of the Asgardians on earth in New Asgard (you will find out why later)

One last thing: Please do not repost my work on any other site or social media, however reblogging on here is fine. I work hard on all of my fanfics and it’s disappointing when people take my work as their own. I am the creater of all my OCs such as Sora Nightstar, Emy Nightstar, and Lithium Nightstar. My inbox is open for any and all requests as i am a multi fandom writer. Let me know how you like the story and i will do my best to answer any and all questions. As always i encourage any and all feedback as it helps with my writing. I hope you all like it!

The Beginning

They say that your parents are there to teach you the rules of the world, but what happens when you have no parents? Who will teach you then? The world is cruel but people are crueler. Ive learned this first hand when the person i trusted most in this world left me on the door step of the St. Trinity’s Orphanage. I was 9 when my mother told me she didn’t want me anymore and i guess I couldn’t really blame her. I mean who could love someone who couldn’t control the powers that grew with each passing year. Someone who started fires out of thin air when they had nightmares, conjured whirlwinds when startled, unfurled earthquakes when angered, spring forth rain showers when sad, and levitate objects when riddled with anxiety. I will never forget that day for its seared into my mind like its own person brand echoing with every beat of my heart. A monster thats what she called me, her own flesh and blood was a monster in her eyes, and i could see the relief when she ran from the solid oak door finally rid of the burden she had to put up with throughout the years. An abomination she cried as she reached the cobblestone sidewalk eager to be rid of me and by the pace she was going at i could tell she had more spring in her step than on the walk over from the bus we exited from. Unnatural she bellowed as she disappeared around the corner a ghost of a smile springing from her lips as she disappeared. These where the last words i would ever hear from my mother, if thats what you would call her.

Emy’s POV

Tonight was just like any other. Crisp cold air submerged the city in a blanket of dark and silence while it settled into your bones. I never minded the cold in fact I welcomed it, it reminded me of the cabin i found one year after running away from one of the many abusive foster homes i was forced to stay with. I’ll admit it was one of the times I was able to avoid the social workers for longer than a week and the happiest I had ever been in my life up until i was captured by Hydra. When I had a flair up with my powers, which usually ended up being fire, i would immediately get sent back to St. Trinity’s but this time i ran before they had the chance to toss me aside. The staff there used to place bets on how long i would stay with a family, they would joke saying i was cursed or jinxed but i knew the truth, no one wanted me. Once the parents found out about my abilities I was sent packing. I was labeled as a flight risk and a danger to others which only deepened my anti socialism.

Walking through the streets of New York i pull my dark purple jacket on and my dark brown hair in a pony tail as I get closer to my destination. Because i don’t feel the effects of the cold weather Tony, being such the dad figure he is, has made it his priority to make sure i still wear one just incase so here i was walking home in black ripped up jeans, a black v neck T-shirt, black and purple checkered vans and a light weight dark purple jacket. With my headphones in my ears and “I like it heavy” by Halestorm blasting I make my way to the place i call home, Stark Tower. Walking through the front doors i make my way past the receptionist who always greets me with a bright smile. As I walk towards the elevator I give her a small smile back and a head nod. After entering the elevator and pressing the button for the penthouse I start to reflect on how i got here.

By the time i was 15 Hydra found me in that cabin and took me away. I went from hopping from family to family to being used as a science experiment, constantly being poked and prodded just so they could get a reaction out of me. As a child my powers where very unstable mostly flaring up with my emotions, its no wonder that Hydra caught wind of me its not like i was hiding it very well or more so that i couldn’t hide it. They tried to wipe my memory to gain control of me “a blank slate” is what they wanted, but for some reason, they failed as I wasn’t susceptible to their conditioning methods no matter how much time i spent in the chair. However, I could tell they were scared of me I could see it in their eyes. This didn’t last long though as they used what they called their perfect weapon code name Winter Soldier to beat me into submission. After that first meeting that left me with a broken arm and a fractured ankle i started to obey, since then Ive met the Soldier a couple of times but if he remembers me he dosent let on and I dont blame him, he has been in that chair so many times Im genuinely surprised he can even remember how to walk. He is stronger than the others as most of the other test subjects had turned to vegetables after the 4th mind wipe, he was on his 10th the last time i saw him with Hydra.

Another test was done on me and this one was different. They used a teseract? If thats what they called it I can’t be sure nor did I care all I could feel was pain like as if someone injected lava in my veins. After they injected me I started screaming after a while I couldn’t even hear myself anymore, my throat was so sore and horse from the constant roar of my agony I just wanted it to end. How long was I out for? Seconds? Minutes? Hours? Days? Years? They didn’t keep clocks there or at least not in the dungeon like cell they had me in. When the fire faded i was left with this numbness and after further tests I realized that I was immune to fire. I can literally stick my hand in fire and i will be left untouched and unscorched. They did the same test with freezing temperatures to see if they could subdue me at least in some way. I must have been out longer than just a couple of days as during the tests i didn’t recognize any of the Doctors. In that moment I realized something, if they were trying to contain me then something must have happened to the soldier. It was time to plan my escape.

Back in my cell i could hear footsteps approaching me and then stop short. One of the scientists frantically trying to talk some sense into someone just out of my line of sight. “She is immune to anything we throw at her sir. We have done every test we could there is nothing left for us to do.” One of the goons in a lab coat stated to what i assumed is a higher up. “Bolden If her powers keep growing at the rate they are it could be days in which she will be unstoppable and with the soldier gone we dont have anything that can keep her in line. She broke Mandy and Rays arms the last time we tested her. She is getting too strong.” Brining a hand up to his chin the higher up Bolden stepped out of the shadows and looked at me with deep interest before he turned to looked at the man and scoffed. As he walked away i felt a cold chill ran down my back as I anticipated what was to become of me; I knew it was nothing good i had already broken their rules. His next words only confirmed what I feared. “ Its simple. Break her spirit or kill her Doctor. And when i say break her i mean in anyway means necessary.” His sadistic laugh is the last thing i remember before everything went black.

Its been 2 years since i have escaped and now I’m living in the avengers tower. I don’t remember what happened after that night in my cell its all a blur of red, screams, and gunshots. When i woke up next i was in a 6ft crater where I was being held captive without a scratch on me. Trees were uprooted and fallen over as if a bomb went off. Luckily the Avengers showed up not long after me waking up and took me to their base where i met Directer Fury. With his permission and 24/7 surveillance provided by Tony Stark via FRIDAY and training sessions to get my powers under control i was allowed to join the Avengers and fight for good. Little did i know that by agreeing to this I would end up in the path of a certain God or Gods who were also taking residence at the tower.

With the sound of a *ding* the elevator shook me out of my mind and back to the present. As i exited the elevator I pulled my head phones out of my ears and was instantly met with the sound of Tony losing his mind. “Where did she go? She knows she can’t be out this late. She could be taken again! Its 5 minutes past her curfew!” Rolling my eyes I roll my headphones up and shove them in my pocket and round the corner. “Tony it takes 5 minutes to get from the lobby to the penthouse calm down. I bet she will walk through that door anytime now.” Came the sweet voice of reason of none other than Pepper Potts. “I’m Home.” I said in a deadpan voice as i walked by the couple only for Tony to stand up and intercept me by placing a hand on my upper arm. “Where did you go and why didn’t you tell me you were leaving?” I looked at him and raised an eyebrow pushing his hand off me. “Tony its Wednesday. I have training with Strange on Wednesdays and I had Friday alert you as I was leaving but you were in the lab with Bruce.” Not sure what to say next Tony mumbled a small apology. “Sorry I was just worried about you. I know you are grown enough to make your own choices as you are 25 but I just want to make sure you are safe. How was the training with The Wizard?” Sighing and shaking my head just wanting to go the library and read I decided to just let it go. “Strange is a hard ass that much you already know. It wasnt bad actually I think I’m warming up to him. I didn’t spontaneously throw him to the wall when he snuck up behind me as i was going over the ancient texts so i call that improvement.” I said sheepishly while side stepping around him. “I’m gonna go to the library now and grab some light reading before bed you guys have a good night.” With out waiting for a response I quickly made my way towards my new destination only to have Tony saying something about guests in the house but I ignored him.

Pushing open the library door I make my way to the poetry section to grab my usual copy of Edgar Allen Poe that I read before bed. As my had reached for the spot i knew i put the book in i find that its not there. “Wait what? Where is my book? I know I put it back here before I left for training so where did it go?” Frustrated I stomp back over to the entrance and rip open the door ready to go on a murder spree while shouting down the hallway. “CLINT! You better give me back my night time book or I’m breaking all your arrows again! No one reads in this tower but me! How stupid do you think I am!?” Straining my ears I listen for any type of movement but was met with dead silence. After a minute I finally hear movement through the vents coming from the west part of the tower and I take off sprinting. Sliding around a corner I barely miss colliding with Steve and Bucky who look like they were on their way back from a mission. Offering a quick apology before I continue my pursuit I hear Steve yell “Hey! No running in the tower!” Not faltering in my hot pursuit of the Hawk thief I continue to zip through the tower ignoring the Captains words until i was almost to the vent that lead to the 2 level family room. Using the railing for the steps leading down to the family area to give me more height i jumped as close to the vent as possible and conjured my signature Scythe to slice through it while twisting in the air kicking the vent free and off its track. A shocked and terrified scream resonates from the vent as the culprit falls to the ground with a thud and a grunt. I landed in a crouched position and slowly straightened to my full hight. “What the hell Emy?! When did you learn to do that?!” Clint yells as he sits up rubbing his left shoulder that he landed on. I started stalking towards him with the blade of my scythe scrapping across the ground as i went while giving him a death glare. “Give me back my book Barton.” At the mention of his last name his head snapped up to me fear replacing the pain from his fall. “Oh shit last name not good.” Scrambling up on his feet he turns and runs towards the common room that connects to the elevator with me hot on his tail and my scythe trailing behind me in my right hand.

“Shit shit shit shit shit shit SHIT!!” He yells as he makes it fully to the room only to fling forward as i jump and kick his back tired of all the running. Twirling my weapon around I place it at his neck sneering at him. “I will not ask you again.” I said placing pressure on his neck with my blade. Sensing a fast moving object coming from my left from the kitchen I move my head back 3 inches as what looked like a hammer flew by me embedding itself in the wall. Turning my head slowly in the direction of the flying object, I confirmed it was indeed a hammer that was thrown at me. Irritation flared through me as i released Clint from the end of my scythe and turned fully to the kitchen to face my attacker. There stood 2 men that i did not recognize, one tall oak of a man with blond short hair, blue eyes and tan skin in blue jeans, a red T-shirt ,and grey jacket. the other shorter man made me stare at him and faultier for a second as he was so different from anyone i have ever seen, dark blue skin covered his entire body with darker almost black symbols and piercing red eyes, long black hair with black jeans, a green dress shirt and black jacket. Tearing my gaze away from his own curious one i looked between both men before i clenched my jaw letting my irritation settle back in. “Which one of you threw that hammer.” I said venom dripping with every word. “Whoa its ok Emy thats just Thor and Loki they are the asgardian Gods that live here in the tower part time when they are not in Norway.” Clint said standing up quickly. Not moving from my position i narrowed my eyes and flicked them over in Clint’s direction. The ground started to shake as my irritation and annoyance grew to anger remembering what i was doing before being interrupted by the Gods. Throwing his hands up in surrender he then quickly reached into his back pocket and retrieved my book. “Ok ok dont blow a fuse Em.” He said while tossing me my possession stopping me from causing an earthquake. Catching it in the air with my left had I inspected the book to make sure it wasn’t damaged before I let go of my scythe, with a wave of my hand it disappeared back to the pocket dimension I keep it in then looked back at Clint as the tremors stopped. “Touch my things again and i will be wearing your guts like my mom’s pashmina.” I said to the thief before walking out of the room and disappeared down the hallway not giving the Gods a second glance. As I entered my room i could hear a silky voice ring out from the kitchen. “Well isnt she interesting.”

Part 2 coming soon

@nickkie1129

#loki x y/n #loki odinson #loki series #loki #loki x reader #loki x you #loki (marvel)#loki laufeyson #marvel #avengers x reader #the avengers #clint barton #tony stark #doctor strange #thor odinson #steve rogers #bucky barns #pepper potts

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