#its like when drivers write books abt their time

[skitskatdacat63]

It feels great to see someone else watch Fernando's show. Especially someone who also questions the cinematography on some parts.

I'm still just ??? at how unknown it is? Like anyone I've told about it had no idea it even existed. So it's fun to post it on here, to spread it and see people's reactions hahaha. But seriously the cinematography choices are uh....interesting to say the least! I just have so many questions for the director.....

Because there's a lot of cool cinematography, for example any of him in the Dakar had such beautiful shots, but then in the same episode there's just the most horny scenes I've ever seen??? If you remember, there's that spa scene in e4, I wanna gif it but like even after seeing it several times, I still can't watch it without my head in my hands, bcs it just feels so dirty to me 🫠

[httpsdana]

“I’m not jealous.. it’s just… you’re mine.” With haaland, please 🙃 but nothing toxic hahaha

Kitten~Erling Haaland

*GIF isnt mine. credits to the owner*

I still have mixed opinions abt Haaland, but I wouldn't want to disappoint anyone so I'm writing this. enjoy <3

you can request from my prompt list

this is my master list

players/drivers I write for

147- "I'm not jealous..its just...you're mine!"

Erling has gotten y/n a kitten for her birthday to keep her company when he's away...and he was starting to kind of regret it. The little kitten called Lilo had all her attention. She barely even looked at him anymore! (that's an exaggeration, he's an attention seeking puppy)

When he came home from training, tired and exhausted, all he wants to do is fall asleep on her boobs with her hand in his hair. But after Lilo arrived, he'd come home to see the kitten asleep on y/n's chest, which was his spot, with y/n scratching her head like she does to his own.

When y/n would be reading her book on the couch, Erling would always have his head on her lap, while she'd also be brushing her fingers through his blonde strands. But now of course its the kitten that's sat there.

Erling came back from his first training of the new season exhausted. He was just seeking some comfort on his girlfriend's lap. He slumped lazily to the living room, only for his face to fall when he saw the Scottish kitten asleep on his girlfriend's thighs

He let out a sigh, grabbing y/n's attention.

"oh you're back. how was training love?" she asked sweetly before looking down at the book in her hands, other hand still petting the kitten's head

"it was fine" he grumbled, flopping down next to her with her, his arms crossed over his chest, while he had a pout on his face

When y/n didn't spare him a single glance, he got up from his seat. He removed the kitten slowly from her lap and placed it on another couch all alone, and laid down across y/n's lap, placing his head in her lap

"what was that?" y/n asked, amused at her boyfriend's actions

"what? Lilo gets all the attention I crave all day when she's here with you all the time. its unfair" he shrugged, raising his head a bit so he can loosen the hair tie from his hair.

"you're jealous...of a kitten?" she smirked

"I'm not jealous..its just...you're mine!" he pouted, making y/n laugh at him

"never in my life have I thought I'd see The Erling Haaland jealous of a kitten" she shook her head, leaning down to kiss his forehead

"you still love me though" he wiggled his eyebrows at her

"I do. and let me tell you a secret...I love you more than Lilo" she whispered the last part, as if afraid the kitten might hear them

Erling groaned, but the smile on his face only proved how much he was enjoying this

[pxlvrxs]

CITY MOUSE, COUNTRY MOUSE walker, masters of horror

content warning(s); suggestive + dark content just to be safe!!!, kidnapping, implied murder (not reader tho), fem!reader and gendered anatomy, no smut, predator/prey dynamic, reader is nicknamed 'mouse' , written and edited in less than six hours

w/c; 2.2k

a/n; after making this post, i looked and there are hardly any fics for him. (s/o to the ppl who did write some, ily) hopefully the warren kole hype will give this ep more attention because i need more content. also, the entire time i wrote this all i could think abt was this edit. the brainrot is real.

It’d been two days. She could tell from the orange hues painting the horizon. The sun was dipping beneath the mountains for the second time since she’d been chained to the bed.

Her head pulsed with pain. She could hear her heartbeat in her ears, thumping. It could have been from dehydration – she hadn’t had a sip of water in at least two days – or from the hard hit to the head. Her hair was matted with congealed blood. The wound had stopped bleeding by now, but she definitely had a concussion.

The mattress springs dug into her spine. A cold draft blew in from the windows and door. Gooseflesh prickled up all over her body. The clothes she’d been wearing had been stripped from her while she was unconscious.

He left her a pair of cotton panties, a bra, and the long socks she’d worn beneath her boots. Her sweater and jeans sat on the chair across the room, neatly folded and stacked. Her boots sat next to the door. He was mocking her.

He’d left her mostly unscathed. Save for some bruises and the nasty gash on her head, she was fine. Now it was just a question of what would kill her first: The cold or the dehydration.

She’d given up screaming a day ago. The only response to her cries was the hoots of mourning doves and the rattle of a woodpecker. There was no one to hear her, no one to rescue her.

It would be a torturous way to die; succumbing to dehydration and starvation. If the adventure books she read as a kid were correct, only one more day before her body would start to shut down. More than three days without a sip of water was a death sentence.

She wondered if he was watching her from somewhere. Watching her fade in and out of consciousness, writhing as hunger pains shook her whole body.

She was unconscious when she heard boots on the rickety porch. There was the steady creak of footsteps on the rotting wood before the door swung open. Her eyes fluttered, head lolling to the side. He was back. He was going to kill her.

Oh, god, I’m gonna die.

Thank god, it’s over.

Her mind flipped like a coin, unsure whether to feel fear or relief. Her heart began to thump against her ribcage.

“Oh, c’mon,” He slapped her a few times, not enough to sting but enough for her to open her eyes. She let out a shuddering breath at the side of him. “There you are, mouse.”

He’d taken to calling her that. He never got her name, he didn’t give her the chance to tell him. He’d introduced himself as “Walker” as he ducked into her passenger seat. The second the door had shut, he slammed her face into the steering wheel.

“Naive little city mouse.” He called her as he dragged her from the driver’s seat. “You trust too easy, darlin’.”

“You look rough.” Walker pulled a flask from his waistband, shaking it. Inside, liquid sloshed about. Reflexively, she jerked toward it. Pain tore through her shoulders and wrists. The ropes were tied too tight around her wrists, twisting her joints as she tried to lean up. “Easy girl,” He laughed breathily, pulling his knife from its sheath.

She shrunk away at the sight of it. The edge of the blade was still crusted with blood from when he sliced through her temple. He set the flask on the bedside table, leaning over her.

He gripped both of her wrists in one large hand, pinning her. The knife tore through the rope binding her to the bed frame. He ripped the duct tape from her mouth, her whimpers died in her dry throat.

He pulled away from her, standing up straight. He remained there for a moment. He watched with an amused grin as she lowered her wrists from the bedframe and sat up straight. She curled into herself, hoping to preserve what little modesty she still had.

She didn’t look at him, instead focusing on the ache in her shoulders. Bringing her arms to her lap made her wince in pain. Her heart was still beating like a rabbit’s. She was too exhausted to act on her fight-or-flight impulses. Sitting up made her head spin.

He reached for the flask again, uncapping the lid. He held it toward her, a silent offering. There was a smear of blood along the side. She looked up at him with wide eyes, her pupils dilated with fear.

“Oh so now you don’t trust me,” He took a quick swig from the flask, making a show of him swallowing. “Look, safe.” That was the only confirmation she needed. When he pressed the flask to her lips, she took greedy gulps of water, throat clicking with each swallow. It was warm and tasted slightly of dirt. There was a lingering aftertaste of malt liquor. He’d emptied the contents and filled it with water from the creek.

“Really, mouse, you think I would go through the trouble of bringing you here, just to poison you?” She soon fell behind, the water filling her mouth quicker than she could swallow. Her lungs began to burn with the lack of oxygen. He kept tilting the flask higher and pulling her head back by her hair. “Drink up.” He urged her, a knowing smile playing on his lips.

Instinctively, she took a breath. Water filled her airway, burning. She jerked forward, coughing and sputtering as water spilled into her lap. He pulled the flask away, laughing. Water dripped from her nose and lips once the coughing fit subsided.

She took a shaky breath in, coughing once more. Her eyes brimmed with hot tears, but she refused to let them slide down her cheeks. Her bound hands gripped into her thighs in a futile attempt to stop her trembling.

Walker reached out, pulling the hair away from her face with unexpected tenderness. He dragged his finger down the cut next to her hairline, his touch featherlight. He lowered himself to get a better look at the wound. The gash had stained her face with streaks of browning blood and dampened the roots of her hair. It’d closed since he inflicted it, the edges glistening red with fresh blood.

Walker let out a low whistle, calloused fingers finding their way to her jaw. He twisted her head toward him, blue eyes boring into hers. His grip was bruising, threatening to mar the soft flesh of her cheeks. His hot breath fanned her cheek.

“Gotcha’ good, didn’t I, mouse?” Walker liked to admire his work, bragging about it even. He’d recounted his last kill as he tied her up in the trunk of her own car. The knots had been second nature to him, virtually muscle memory. His deft hands made quick work of tying her up, all while he watched her hazy expression. “Don’t worry, you’re still pretty,” He cooed mockingly, releasing his grip on her.

It wasn’t the first time he called her pretty. When she rolled down her window, he’d leaned in, asking what a pretty girl like her was doing traveling all alone. Then, the compliment made her face flush and smile. Now, it made her stomach churn and her skin crawl.

“Would it kill you to speak?” He asked, his irritation etched on his features. She shook her head. Walker cocked his head to the side, not needing to vocalize his demand for her to understand.

“No.” Her voice was weak from disuse and dehydration. Walker smiled again. He had a charming smile, even she couldn’t deny that. It was no wonder she’d unlocked the car door. Picking up a hitchhiker was the dumbest decision someone could make. Hitchhiking hadn’t been safe since the 70s, and even then, it was iffy.

“Good girl,” He mused, pulling his face away from hers. “So I was thinking, mouse,” He spoke casually — like she was a friend, not his prey. “I’m sure it’s been awfully boring in this cabin, all alone.”

Her stomach began to twist into knots.

“How about we make things exciting? Play a game?” Something told her he didn’t mean Scrabble.

He pulled her wrists toward him harshly, bringing the knife to the rope. The blade sawed through the rope with ease. It fell into a pile on the mattress, revealing the raw skin beneath. Walker dragged a finger over the red and bloody skin, ignoring her wince as he did.

“You run, I chase.” He said it so flippantly, like they were kids on a playground. “If you win, you can do whatever you want. Go to the cops, tell ‘em everything.” 

 He paused, licking his lips.

“If I win, I get to do whatever I want.” That sentence alone made fear grip her throat like a vice. “Whaddya say? Yes or no?” It wasn't a question of what she preferred, she knew that. There was a wrong answer.

She nodded and Walker let out a displeased groan. His hand shot up, wrapping around her throat. He didn’t apply enough pressure to cut off her breathing, just enough to get his message across.

“Words, mouse.”

“Yes,” She choked out, hand wrapping around his wrist in a weak attempt to free herself. He let go of her neck, standing to his full height.

“I’ll give you a five-minute head start, just to keep it fair.” His back was turned to her, his knife in hand. If, by some miracle, she collected her wits and strength, she could’ve taken him out at that moment. But she remained on the bed, unsure what to do. He looked over his shoulder expectantly. “Time’s ticking, mouse.”

That made her spring into action. She lunged for the clothing on the chair, hurriedly pulling the jeans and sweater over her body. She didn’t bother to lace up or tie her boots, just yanking them on and running through the open door. As she ran, she looked over her shoulder to ensure Walker hadn’t lied.

The leaves beneath her feet had been reduced to mush from the recent snow. The bitter cold made its way through her sweater, sending a shiver down her spine. She continued on her straight path until the cabin disappeared into the trees.

Going straight will make my path easy to follow. She stood still for a moment, looking in all directions. Her head start had surely run out by now. It wouldn’t be long before Walker was on her tail. She dashed to the right, hoping it would bring her to the edge of the woods.

The mud squelched under her boots and her heavy breaths fogged in front of her face. Night had fallen by now, shrouding the woods in thick, inky darkness. An owl hooted in the distance.

She ran in that one direction for a few minutes, weaving through the trees. Her bootlace caught on a stray branch, sending her tumbling to the ground. Mud splashed all over her clothes and coated her skin. She brought a sleeve up to wipe the dirt from her face to no avail.

Somewhere to her left, a branch cracked.

“I heard that, Mouse!” He was gaining on her. Fast.

She leaped up and continued running. Her chest burned and side stitch was beginning to set in. The adrenaline dulled the pain but didn’t completely end it. She took deep gasping breaths. Her malnourished body couldn’t keep this up forever. She needed to find the road, now.

The trees began to thin out, giving way to the pavement. She clambered up the bank on her hands and knees. Pushing herself to her feet was laborious, but she forced herself to do it.

“Help!” She shrieked. “Someone, please!” Down the road, headlights illuminated the treeline as a car approached the curve. She waved her arms above her head, ignoring the pain.

Before the light was cast on her, a body slammed into her right side. She fell to the ground, rolling down the bank. She cried out as her ankle twisted with a sickening crack. Even more mud smeared her face and she gasped for air. Briars tore shallow cuts through her skin and snagged her already-ruined sweater.

She landed on her stomach, face pressed into the wet leaves. Next to her, Walker lay face-up, in slight shock from the fall. The rumble of the car engine grew louder and the headlights grew brighter. Groaning, she dragged herself forward. 

 “Hel-” She was cut off with a calloused palm clapping over her mouth, the knife pressed against her throat. The knife traced over her pulse point. A warning.

With teary eyes, she watched the car roll past. Her only hope disappeared down the road, fading into the night. Once he was sure the car was out of earshot, Walker removed his hand from her mouth. He grabbed her shoulder, flipping her onto her back.

She weakly slapped him, yelling incoherently and flailing. He grabbed both wrists, pinning them to her chest. He moved to straddle her, thighs holding her in place.

“Please! Please don’t kill me!” She sobbed, thrashing in his hold. He laughed. A genuine laugh. It echoed through the desolate woods. His head tilted back and the corners of his eyes crinkled. He pressed even more of his weight onto her chest, keeping her pinned to the forest floor.

“Oh, who said anything about killing?”

[trashimoto]

SORRY IAM AT SCHOOL that comic is absolutely stunning thank you for the masterpiece

i would be interested in your hcs and other sdra? stuff u make!!! nikei yomiuri fixation is going on 116 days and i need some content to keep me aalive right now

I bestow upon you my ultimate favorite nikei headcanons

I think he ends up using his little around his neck scoops notebook for lots of different things like of course notes interviews and articles but i imagine he also uses it kind of like as a journal / diary too as well as like planning stuff and also the joe biden negative ebergy manifestation thing (pic below) but with mikado

I think like his biggest interest / thing he could go on and on about BESIDES journalism is soda. he has some moments where he talks about it in the game like when he gets really excited abt the discontinued soda in the vending machines but like i think this guy knows way too much. collects old bottles bit doesnt tell anyone because he thinks its dorky. he loves trying the weirdest flavors he can find and he has a seperate notebook with his comprehensive soda reviews and rankings.

Based on the bit we do know about his food preferences in canon + a little bit of me projecting I do really think he has ARFID. This goes a little bit with the soda thing because like i think he probably doesnt drink anything besides soda and coffee. hajime is BEGGING HIM to please drink some water. I think he survives mostly on like chips and ramen. And of course he doesn’t want to eat whatever mikado makes because its mikado but i do think part of it is also mikado makes very fancy dishes a lot and i think they are Scary Foods. This ine is very like self indulgent LOL

He’s definetly the type to get mad, punch the wall, and then break his hand as a result. I just know he’s done it

This is more of a headcanon for an au nikei i roleplay with some friends but im includijg it because inreally like it. there are multiple other characters who can use magic in said rp and as a result of his experiances with Mikado, nikei is staunchly Anti-Magic. He’s afraid of it + it just makes him SO mad too. Like this extends from like magic powers to psychics to like slieght of hand magicians. Very strong emotional reaction from him everytime and I don’t even blame him honestly

i think he plauys angry birds

He dresses in just as many layers of clothes in the summer and winter. Like he’s always wearing a ridiculous amount of clothes unless he’s like actively swimming. I know he did go swimming in the prolouge BUT i think that if he wenr ro the beach to just relax he wouod be in the full get up vest jacket two scarves and all. But also like hell hes going to the beach just to relax this man doesnt know how to relax

I THINK HE HATES SCARY MOVIES BUT WHENEVER HES DOING A MOVIE NIGHT WITH VOID OR JUST FRIENDS HES LIKE “WELL WE CANT WATCH A SCARY MOVIE BECAUSE IROHA WILL GET SCARED” BECAUSE HE DOESNT WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW (THEY CAN TELL)

Hes definetly bad at math. This guy is a WRITER you just know he was crushing it in lit classes but doing shit in math. I think it just doesnt make sense to him. My dad actually oen time was telling me how he likes math because theres always one objectively right answer and i think as a journalist and a liar nikei would struggke with that aspect. You can’t reallt bullshit your way with persuasive writing through math LMFAO.

Regularly gets in fights in the youtube comments section

Personally I don’t think Nikei has his liscence because I don’t think he’d be a particularly good driver. I think also if he does though he’s almost never allowed to drive when hes going out with other people because he gets the most insane road rage.

He tried to start a book club on the monocruise and it ended up with only three members himself iroha and yoruko. Iroha only wanted to talk about yaoi and the book club was dissolved before the first meeting finished because monocrow ushered yoruko and nikei out of the library for yelling at eachother (they had different interpertations of the books ending)

[holdhoiyghost]

finished writing @ 6:33 am 12/22/23

fixed typos @ 6:42 am

dream begins on a sort of tv show, where this guy was helping out a less fortunate family get more civilized and used to 'normal life' since they liked like super separate from the outside world. i remember him trying to keep some gated animals in their gates but they kept getting out. or trying to do everything around the house w no help. and then him trying to leave but the mom comes out n shes like super pregnant. he was strugglin so so hard, and so for some reason mark n i took over.

so there i was with markiplier, for some reason going to help with this thing for views ig since it was broadcasted for tv. we were loading stuff in the house at first and it was sorta weird? like there were boxes i could move (blue cube thingys) and i could sorta platformer on them but there were also just. stairs.

so we meet the family. all are pretty normal. ish. i guess. for a family that doesnt rly no normal things yknow? and so we get to work teaching them for tv.

and shit gets like weird here right? idk how long we were there for or anything but i remember that we got the kids some fancier clothes n they looked so cool. there was a red dress w a bow n that was nice. idk what the son wore but the daughters had the same thing.

then for some reason between me n mark doin stuff to help theres a scene of mf peter griffin chillin out with a separate kid on the couch watchin him play games? and the kid is sad and peter asks whats up and the kid says that he'd rather also talk about it with his mom around so he goes to get her. i remember sort of a voice in peters head talking cause pg was sort of upset by this and it was like "yeah this is a good time to cry" and so the kid n mom got back and ended up comforting pg and they gave each other a Look over his back? i think it was either same family different time or just . there. idk.

nyways back to me n mark. there we were helpin the family when wow! matpat shows up! he drove there to help mark n i and so we show him some cool stuff and he doesnt like any of it. not even the cool water table that you can drink river water from. (table had water runnin down the middle of it from idk where to idk where, and was rly grainy with sand). he didnt like it cuz microbes or smth.

mark left me n him alone togo talk to the family abt somethin so matpat n i were jut Chillin ™ . i remember that . the water on the table turned red n i had said smth about 'that time of the month' to mat, tho idk why the table would have been? connected to bathrooms for that? though i guess with that happening it kinda set off some this is Bad alarms for us since it happened twice. and so we kinda started making our way to the door to gtfo

and when we saw mark sort of across the room? or when we were already out the door? holding his stomach and very much bleeding we kind of . booked it to the van n left him there since freaky family was m behind him and lookin like they absolutely did smth to him (and were gonna to us). i hop in the passenger seat n close the door behind the passenger from the inside since i think i opened it in my rush to get in? mat jumps in the drivers n we were gonna try to get mark in but . the mom was like Right Behind him and the kids were tryin to get in so we like left left him. i feel bad about it after wakin up n i felt bad inside the dream/nightmare too.

nyway mat n i leave. the window acts a little weird n one if the kids ;def more of a monster by this point) almost gets in the car but i stop them n roll up the window again (a little difficult but yeah). i tell mat to ignore the stop sign at the turn (no need for a stopsign there anyway...it was 1 road no intersection). he does n we go down the mountain n end up platformin the van across a pond o water??? somehow??

we get to the other side and there is. a whole bunch of platforming to be done. and its in like sort of a semicircle but not Realy a semicircle ykwim? like it kinda curved but not . n there's a body sitting up in the middle of it in a weird suit of armor? (thats what it looked like but. i dont think it was?? unsure)

(btw when we were leaving the family they said it didnt matter if we got away cause they understood human customs now? so theyd see us again soon)

on the news which we were listening to for some reason they were talking about how mat n i ditched the project and that mark finished it out on his own, but also how mark's style was like... weird now. he wasn't himself anymore. abt him wearing a weird outfit or a new vid showing multiple people all in the same outfit.

the weird outfit described was somehow the one in the semicircleish platformin space and mat n i knew we were fucked fucked tbh. so we managed to platform the van to the top somehow to try and leave, but of the 2 exits we tried there were shadowy shapes with glowin white eyes on the other side, so we just. went to the middle platform by activating jets? or flying? on the van and just. sitting there.

i didnt wake up @ this point (something something ian hecox revisiting old videos? fnaf gameplay i think? but like knockoff fnaf. starting screen had bright blue? or yellow? unsure). when i did wake up i was kinda. urgh. didnt rly know what ti do other than write it all down. definitely one of my clearer dreams ive had recently (tho the scary ones usually are tbh). i cant rly express just how fucked up the whole situation was, n i wonder how long that family had just been. there. waiting for someone to stay long enough to teach them. so that they could go out to hunt while blending in.

sorry markiplier for leaving you for dead. it wasnt on purpose. i was scared af in the dream n matpat wasnt slowing down for you either. also tbh you were basically already dead anyway, like thee was No way we were gettin u to a hospital on time. still sorry tho.

[callmepippin]

ok so i was tagged by the lovely @lexiklecksi for the 11/11/11 tag, the rules are: answer the 11 questions she asked me, make up my own 11 questions and then tag 11 ppl to answer those (so if you want you can skip to the questions at the bottom lmao). however as a fair warning: this got Way too long probably bc im rambly today. i tried to limit the stream of consciousness but….

1. current musical obsession: Frank Ocean and related sort of neo-r&b stuff - while writing this im also discovering Childish Gambino’s “Awaken, My Love!” (and also the song Golden Brown, but not bc im listening to it but bc im learning it on both guitar and piano)

2. 3 things i always take with me:

- wallet (or at least my id)

- phone (&earphones)

- cigarettes&lighter

3. what (or who) i miss most in lockdown: i dont rly remember? im so used to the situation by now that i kind of forget to miss what i did when things were “normal”... but i guess going to bars w/ friends, and just being able to go shopping when i need smth

4. pick: either only read 1 book or only read books picked by someone else: i wouldn’t be able to only read one book for the rest of my life! so definitely the second option (esp if i can pick the person who picks the books)

5. why i found your blog/followed you and if i intend to stay: uhh you followed me and when i checked your blog i liked the vibe i guess? also you were v nice in the tags of my music stuff! also ya i like it here, so im staying for a while

6. when and why did i last cry: i genuinely dont know for sure.. the last time i specifically remember crying was my granddad’s funeral, which is three yrs ago this month, but i do know ive cried once or twice since then, i just dont remember for sure when and why.

wait i do remember, i think the last time was when i saw Richard Says Goodbye (live music and movies or books are basically the only reason i rly cry, im not an emotional crier, dont know why).

7. who holds the key to my heart: my partner of five (and a bit) years, whom i love Very Much! (although ofc my heart is not locked, i have so much love to give, just romantically i am very much taken)

8, pick one: star wars/star trek, dobby/gollum, white/black magic, flying/teleportation, time travel: past/future?

- Star Wars

- Gollum (even though i have read hp but still havent read lotr, ive read the hobbit like 4 times tho)

- i think the hard dichotomy btwn white/black magic or like light/dark and good/bad in most fiction is often v flawed bc thats not how the world works, everything is grey areas (e.g. the Jedi are not better than the Sith, both have deeply flawed philosophies). the Force (or any magic for that matter) is not inherently good or evil, it just is. nature isnt abt good or evil, isnt abt opposites but abt balance.

and especially if you work with the occult and magical, i think thats all abt walking the edge between light and dark, life and death, night and day, good and bad etc…

so to answer the question: grey magic lmao, its all abt balance

- teleportation i think, bc while flying is very cool, i think teleportation has more practical uses (although also has danger involved, such as what happens if you teleport into a space that is already occupied by a person or an object? but for the sake of argument, prolly teleportation)

- do not even get me started on time travel.. the implications of time travel to the past are…… complicated to say the least (it only works if you believe in hard determinism, which i wholly do not). so in a practical sense, def to the future (although that is also Problematic within the constraints of our four-dimensional universe/experience).

in a philosophical sense though, ignoring all the paradoxes and laws of time and space, id still pick the future (or maybe no time travel at all), bc i think the past is the past for a reason. we remember it, we learn from it, but ultimately we must leave it behind.

my philosophical problem with traveling to the future is more that you cant just. skip life. so if you travel to the future, it has to be way beyond your own life and direct influence, or youll interfere with yourself and your own future, and thats scientifically, psychologically /and/ philosophically a v bad idea all round, i think.

9. which thoughts keep me awake at night: almost never specific thoughts, but quite often anxiety abt the near future. but theres no like, lingering issues that keep me awake.

10. what id do with you if we were locked up together for 24hrs: i think i’d really like to write with you! make poetry, song lyrics, make art! bc we could rly learn from each other i think and also we could just rly pick each others brain abt mundane, important and transcendental stuff ya know?

11. ask anything: do you have concrete, long term plans for the future, maybe even backup plans? a clear vision of how the rest of your life is going to go? or are you more the type to do what makes you happy now and figure it out as you go along?

my own questions (large variation in vibes and weight, i know):

describe your favourite colour using other senses (like what sound, smell, feeling or w/e do you associate with it)

what’s the best thing that happened to you in the last week, last month and last year?

what’s the one thing/what are the things that help(s) you get up in the moring and keep putting one foot in front of the other?

are you a leftie? (warning: there is a correct answer)

do you play/have you ever played a musical instrument? (and for the sake of completeness, yes i am counting singing as well)

do you have one thing (e.g. a song, movie, book or smth else) that never fails to bring you joy?

do you have one (or more) person(s) you feel you could still hit up after ten yrs of radio silence and you’d still vibe?

what’s your favourite song lyric/line from a poem/quote? and why?

who was your first celebrity crush? (if you’ve ever had one obvsly)

what’s smth you’re looking forward to? could be specific, could be a general thing like a driver’s licence or your own apartment or w/e

this one is specifically to feed my curiosity, indulge me: why did you follow me?

congrats, you’ve managed to reach the end! again, very sorry for the rambles, thanks for sticking around. im tagging @alt-heidi, @terdiscussie, @a-soul-to-cling-to, @ontvreemd, @sarahhnghae and i guess whoever fuckin feels like it? i literally can’t think of 11 ppl on this hell site, so if i forgot you its not personal. if we’re mutuals you’re especially tagged.

[tomcriuse]

headcanons or thoughts on how mulder and scully quietly professed their love or have been professing their love throughout the show? :)

stop i honestly have SO many feelings about quiet love you have no idea what writing this DID to me also it got a little long so sorry abt that

when mulder dated girls in high school and college, he would always try to woo them with expensive dinners and shiny jewelry and things all material that would never last. things so superficial that would eventually fade from time and memory, but were the desires of the old money new england girls.

for so long he went never telling scully how he felt unless it was hidden half-heartedly behind some sarcastic remark or joke that he hoped would conceal the depths of his affection and adoration. before he knew her, he read her thesis. after he met her, he would read it again and again and again. he would pour over the words until they’re burned in his mind and he so he could quote it like his favourite movie or book. his own personal scripture. he did this to understand something that she’s passionate about, as a way of being close to her, almost like someone will keep love letters that were written to them. it’s the rational that is so important to scully and mulder uses her scientific theories to understand everything about her: what motivates her, what keeps her going. he would quote it back to her because he’s completely captivated by her mind and the way it works and understanding something she’s truly passionate about is his way of getting closer to her.

on that same note, whenever someone else talks about something the scully knows, mulder cant help but thinking that scully would know infinitely more about the subject. he thinks that scully is constantly the smartest person in the room. even if she’s not there, he can see her phantom scoffing and rolling her eyes at something that isn’t true, and her cheeks becoming dusted with pink as she gets more passionate and excited, burning like the brightest star that he’s ever seen making the sun dull in comparison.

the gifts that he gives her are memories, not presents. they’re representative of the time they’ve spent together—of their relationship as a whole. when she was in the hospital he brought her a football tape. the tape itself isn’t important, but its that he wants to do something with her, that he wants to spend time with her. maybe it means that he’s not leaving her side while she’s in the hospital; he likes football and it will give him something to do. maybe it’s selfish. maybe he was too worried to find something that he thinks she might actually like. all that matters is that he’s trying. he’s expressing that he values her. that he loves her. when he gives her the apollo medallion, not because she loves the apollo landing or loves space in any capacity that doesn’t have to do with mulder and his genuine passion for it, but because over the last four years he’s dragged her on countless dead-end cases, he’s put her in jeopardy, he’s taken her for granted at times. but she’s never left his side, not once. this is no longer his quest but their quest, no matter how much either of them would deny it later. the medallion is their history. he also teaches scully how to play baseball. the years have been filled with horror and the unknown, and mulder wants to give her a happy memory. something beautiful—not material, but part of him. he says that it’s a “no reason present” which are the types of things that we start to associate with mulder: something given on no special occasion (even if it is) with infinite meaning. if he spent his childhood making mistakes with insignificant gifts to insignificant people, he finds true meaning in the most meaningful gifts to the only person that matters.

when he has a case without her, mulder simply rejects that reality. he’s spent so long on his own and loves scully so fully that to imagine or live a life without her just. doesn’t make sense to him. he’ll go to turn to scully and wait for her to say something that sounded intellectual but was really supposed to be insulting even if she’s not there. he’ll hold the door open two seconds too long for someone by themselves. he’ll automatically turn the ac up in the car because he knows that scully would rather be freezing than warm. at restaurants he’ll begin to order her ice water with two lemon slices. scully is simply an extension of him and doing things for her is like doing things for himself—out of nature, out of reflex, out of necessity to sustain and help her as she’s helped him become himself.

not far into their partnership, scully realized that mulder never truly had anyone else. no one went out of their way to care for him because that’s what they wanted to do—it was always done out of necessity.

the biggest way that she shows her love is just by doing things for him. “scully pack your bags we’re going to texas” “scully i need you to look through all of these files for this one phrase” “scully i need you to follow up on a lead.” no matter how much she would generally wish to not do these things, she can’t not do them. she’ll make a half-hearted complaint and throw him a mandatory pleading look, but inside she’s waiting for him to leave the room so she can get started with as much enthusiasm as he has when he talks about the case. she doesn’t care about the case, but she cares about him. she’ll keep sunflower seeds hidden in a cabinet on her side of the office just in case he runs out. she’ll sometimes replace his coffee if he’s busy doing paperwork and it gets cold. she drags him to get food so he’ll remember to eat. she’ll hold the umbrella just a little higher so he doesn’t have to bend down as much as he would at her height. she’ll move the driver’s seat back so when he gets in to drive his legs have enough room. one time, scully saw that mulder’s tie was crooked and her hands went to straighten it on their own volition. after that, mulder went out of his way to make sure it was just a little off. scully always straightened it for him.

mulder has always been notoriously hard to read, always building walls to distance him from the hurt that inevitably comes with getting close to someone else. but he was never hard to read to scully. she learned that slightly narrowed eyes meant that his brain was going a mile a minute, scanning for any imperfection in a crime scene or a statement from a witness. that when he tilted his head to the right a little it meant that there was something he didn’t understand, and then when his eyebrows would furrow a little bit it meant that that infuriated him. that when he looked at her and his eyes melted and his face became vulnerable that he was seeing the same thing in her that she saw in him: the universe and themselves and every secret that they’ve ever needed and the answers to every question that they’ve asked or were going to ask.

she also listens to everything he says. if its something big—a pervious case, mythology, a theory—she’ll remember it like she remembers songs from her childhood. the smaller the things are and the more in-passing they’re said, the more she’ll remember it and think about it, until it becomes etched into her heart and her soul. the feeling of terror he felt when sam was abducted. his favourite colour. that he prefers chunky peanut butter over smooth peanut butter. that he’ll obsessively write in books and dog-ear the pages because he likes the way the paper feels after you write on it. then there are the more intimate things. that the last time he truly felt safe was when he was in her arms. that every time he wakes up he’s afraid that something’s happened to her. that none of it matters without her.

between the both of them it’s not about saying “i love you” but it’s about trust. it’s about support. for years mulder went through being ridiculed and criticized by his peers for his belief in the supernatural. people would steal his work and get the credit for it while he stood in the background in a silent rage before he brushed it off and focused on his own mission. conversely, scully worked harder than anyone else in her field but never had anyone believe in her or back her or just listen to her. when they started working together there was someone there ready to listen and trust them, even if their views didn’t align with their own . together, they will playfully tear into each other’s theories, but the moment someone else tries, they will always support them 100% even if they aren’t totally convinced. it was unconditional.

[stressed-crow]

i didnt exactly get tagged, but @lieberts​ said the “whoever wants to do it” thing (like 4 moths ago but i just found it in my likes) so here i goooo

also i tag @krchov​ @cowardlylearningtobebrave​ @feathereddamsel​ @gruntie​ and @luwucifer-s​ but like, only very vaguely. feel free not to~

1. MUSIC TAG MEME 

Rules: Post your first twenty songs in a playlist on shuffle

Mama (My Chemical Romance)

Stigma (BTS)

Man Who Sold The World (Nirvana)

End of Spring (ONEWE)

Love Maze (BTS)

I’m so afraid (Holland)

Dear my friend (agustd)

O-O-H Child (The Five Stairsteps)

Go Go (BTS)

Time is Running out (The Muse)

Movement (Hozier)

Les Passants (Zaz)

The Witching Hour (ODJBOX)

Feelings (Hayley Kiyoko)

0X1=LOVESONG (txt)

YAYAYA (Stray Kids)

Empire (Of Mice and Men)

Problems (Mother Mother)

Question (Stray Kids)

Kill Your Heroes (AWOLNATION)

(i do not take any criticism on my music taste, least of all a costructive one)

2. Rules: MAKE A NEW POST, bold what applies to you and tag whoever you want to get to know better.

APPEARANCE 

I’m an I-need-to-pull-the-driver-seat-all-the-way-in kind of a person // i wear glasses or contacts // i have blonde hair // i prefer loose clothing to tight clothing  // i have one or more piercings // i have at least one tattoo  // i have blue eyes // i have dyed or highlighted my hair // i have gotten plastic surgery // i have or had braces // i sunburn easily // i have freckles // i paint my nails // i wear makeup // i don’t often smile // i am pleased with how I look // I prefer nike to adidas // i wear baseball hats backward

HOBBIES & TALENTS 

i play a sport // i can play an instrument  // i am artistic  // i know more than one language // i have won a trophy in some sort of competition // i can cook or bake without a recipe // i know how to swim // i enjoy writing // i can do origami // i prefer movies to tv shows // i can execute a perfect somersault // i enjoy singing // i could survive in the wild on my own (if it was like... chill wildreness. i mean i can get a fire going and shit like that i cant fistfight a bear or whatever) // i have read a new book series this year // i enjoy spending time with friends // i travel during school or work breaks // i can do a handstand

RELATIONSHIPS 

i am in a relationship // i have a crush // i have a best friend i have known for ten years // my parents are together // i have dated my best friend // i am adopted // my crush has confessed to me // i have a long-distance relationship // i am an only child // i give advice to my friends // i have made an online friend // i met up with someone i have met online

AESTHETIC 

i have heard the ocean in a conch shell // i have watched the sunrise // i enjoy rainy days // i have slept under the stars // i meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // i enjoy the smell of the beach // i know what snow tastes like // i listen to music to fall asleep // i enjoy thunderstorms // i enjoy cloud watching // i have attended a bonfire // i pay close attention to colors // i find mystery in the ocean (i dont like it tho the sea scares me) // i enjoy hiking on nature paths // autumn is my favourite season

MISC 

i can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // i am the mom friend // i live by a certain quote // i like the smell of sharpies // i am involved in extracurricular activities // i enjoy mexican food // i can drive a stick-shift  // i believe in true love // i make up scenarios to fall asleep // i sing in the shower // i wish i lived in a video game // i have a canopy above my bed // i am multiracial // i am a redhead // i own at least one dog // i have a cat ---------

3. THIS OR THAT TAG GAME (1)

sage green or baby blue | moon or stars | paperback or hardback | piercings or tattoos (i want a new one... both piercing and tattoo) | drawing or writing | saturn or jupiter | line without a hook or mr. loverman (what does this mean??) | ancient greece or ancient egypt | prague (yo i live here thats wild) or amsterdam | dark academia or light academia | indie aesthetic or cottagecore | stargazing or late night drives | strawberries or watermelons | rings or necklaces | extrovert or introvert | dragons or griffins | ocean or mountain | silver or gold | dawn or dusk | creative or free spirit | early bird or night owl | cook or bake | dagger or sword ---------

4. THIS OR THAT TAG GAME (2)

indoor plants or gardens // cloud-watching or star-gazing // water or fire // paperback or hardcover // running or hiking // sleeping with socks or without socks // fruit or vegetables // hanging plants or succulents // dark wood or light wood // handwritten or typed // instagram or pinterest (i dont do either) // braids or pigtails // books or movies // oceans or meadows // forests or fields // sweet or salty // ice cream or chocolate // hoodies or sweaters // long hair or short hair // piercings or tattoos (new!! both!!) // summer or winter (both suck) // boots or sneakers // cars or motorcycles // curls or straight hair // castles or cottages // sunny days or storms // reptiles or birds // disney or nickelodeon (am european) // strawberries or watermelon (im using this opportunity to pick the other one yes) // essays or posters // phones or laptops // glass or stone // dark or light // photos or paintings // circuses or theaters // reading or writing // dogs or cats // poetry or novels // monsters or ghosts // thrift shops or libraries // fiction or non-fiction

5. Post one picture from my camera roll (no new downloads) to sum up my personality! u get two bcs they are v good

6. 30 QUESTIONS TAG GAME 

RULES: Answer 30 questions and tag others

Name/Nickname: lucy 

Gender: female 

Star Sign: leo

Height: 170 cm 

Time: 22:04 

Birthday: july 1  IS WHAT I WROTE INITIALLY bcs i cant fucking read and thought it just said “date” lol anyway its 11th of August

Favorite Bands: bts, stray kids :)

Favorite Solo Artists: sunmi, taemin :) and hozier i cant betray him 

Song stuck in my head: la la la la vie en rose

Last Movie: def some horror movie but i forget which lol

Last Show: probably the untamed lmaooo did not even finnish it 

When did I create this blog: december 2013 apparently 

What do I post: kpop babey 

Last thing googled: i gotta fact check lots of shit for work so probs smting sports related (but make no mistake i dont know a single thing abt sports) 

Other blogs: what for i dump everything here

Do I get asks: no

Why I chose my url: self-explanatory

Following: 100

Followers: ???

Average hours of sleep: about 8 hours 

Instruments: none 

What am I wearing: pink pajama shorts with kitties, black shirt torn beyond decent wearability and this dark green... jacket,,, hoodie...thing.

Dream job: village witch 

Dream trip: me @ japan: 

(i was supposed to go study there starting winter 2020 :) im abt to lose my fucking mind :) so yeah you get a dead meme for this) also new zealand, iceland, and going back to sweden sometime

Favorite food: pizza bithc its versatile, also cereal coz im a child

Nationality: czech (rip) 

Favorite song: black swan (bts), levanter (skz), take me to church (hozier), noir (sunmi) (those are from the top of my head current favs theres way more but here u go)

Last book read: MIMOZEMŠŤANÉ V ČECHÁCH (= aliens in czechia) by idk, some married couple thats probs wanted whatever xfiles had but low budget, its pure nonsense, best read of this year, dont regret a single second

 Top three fictional universes I’d like to live in: magnus archives bich i dont give a fuck; middle earth to blaze it with hobbits; i wanna be one of those lil shaky-head-tree-things in mononokehime

[guernsey-island]

Please answer 1-98 >:3

Weird asks that say a lot

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?      water bottles 2. chocolate bars or lollipops?      chocolate bars 3. bubblegum or cotton candy?      cotton candy, though I don't like either very much 4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?      I don't know 5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?      plastic cups??? 6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?      sportswear I guess 7. earbuds or headphones?      I only have earbuds right now, but I like both 8. movies or tv shows?      tv shows, but that doesn't mean I don't like movies too 9. favorite smell in the summer?      the ocean 10. game you were best at in p.e.?      capture the flag 11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?      whatever I can find 12. name of your favorite playlist?      "Good Songs :D" 13. lanyard or key ring?      key ring 14. favorite non-chocolate candy?      I don't particularly like any non-chocolate candy. Too artificial and sweet :/ 15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?      Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes 16. most comfortable position to sit in?      leaning back and with my legs out 17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?      white converse 18. ideal weather?      raining or a mild temperature like 80 degrees F paired with high humidity 19. sleeping position?      I fall asleep on my side and wake up on my back 20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?      Google docs heheh 21. obsession from childhood?      I was one of those warrior cats kids (no, I didn't pretend to be warrior cats at recess) 22. role model?      Snickers 23. strange habits?      popping my back, checking sunset/sunrise times 24. favorite crystal?     all crystals are great 25. first song you remember hearing?      Counting Stars by OneRepublic 26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?      hiking 27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?      reading 28. five songs to describe you?      Modern Loneliness- Lauv // Scared of Heights- Loving Caliber // backpack- slchld // By Now- Will Jay // Come True- khai dreams, Forrest., Biskwiq 29. best way to bond with you?      don't annoy me 30. places that you find sacred?      the beach when no one is there or deep in the mountains 31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?      ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 32. top five favorite vines?      road work ahead, jared 19, damn daniel, 2 bros chillin in a hot tub, x files theme 33. most used phrase in your phone?      probably >:3 34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?      that spotify ad about peter and jumping/skipping rope. IF you knew what an 8track tape was!! 35. average time you fall asleep?      ~2:30am 36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?      the pepe the frog memes 37. suitcase or duffel bag?      suitcase 38. lemonade or tea?      lemonade but tea is also superb 39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?      lemon cake bc I've never had lemon meringue pie 40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?      I don't really remember. Let's go with Mr. Rightmyer and Mr. Mikow in general (ig matrix_multiplication). or maybe the time Sami put a lamp on her head and pretended to be Shaggy 41. last person you texted?      Snickers 42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?      jacket pockets 43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?      hoodie 44. favorite scent for soap?      hmmm something tropical 45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?      sci-fi 46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?      clothing 47. favorite type of cheese?      swiss or colby jack or parmigiano-reggiano 48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?      peaches bc they're the best fruit 49. what saying or quote do you live by?      "you become what you think about" "success is the progressive realization of a worthy goal or ideal"- Earl Nightingale "the opposite of courage is not cowardice, it is conformity" "sanity and happiness are an impossible combination"- Mark Twain "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading"- Lao Tzu "failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough" - Og Mandino 50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?      let's go with https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TilHylia7rE and more recently, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=voncdcV648g 51. current stresses?      upcoming exams, writing essays 52. favorite font?      My current favorites are Frank Ruhl Libre, Overlock, and Rajdhani 53. what is the current state of your hands?      good, though I perpetually have a bump on one finger from writing too much 54. what did you learn from your first job?      job?? what job? 55. favorite fairy tale?      three little pigs 56. favorite tradition?      sleeping 57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?      I don't know 58. four talents you’re proud of having?      Freestyling (ground moves and juggling), shooting knuckleballs, popping my back really well, running a 5-6 minute mile 59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?      I don’t know what my catchphrase would be 60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?      a shonen where the protagonist is trying to survive in a crazy world, become the best at something, or master some special power (examples: tower of god or solo leveling if it was an anime) OR something with a mafia 61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?      "Well, if you only knew how little I really know about the things that matter"- Elio in cmbyn the movie (think about this quote all the time) "Let us cultivate our garden"-Candide in Candide by Voltaire “The bird fights its way out of the egg. The egg is the world. Who would be born must first destroy a world. The bird flies to God. That God's name is Abraxas.”- Sinclair in Demian by Hermann Hesse “I wanted only to live in accord with the promptings which came from my true self. Why was that so very difficult?”- Sinclair in Demain by Hermann Hesse “Know yourself and go in swinging.”- More than this by Patrick Ness “Just leave me alone. I’m not myself. I’m falling apart, and I don’t want you here.”- Charlie in Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes Tons of quotes and references from Arthur, httyd, and other media 62. seven characters you relate to?      Lance (vld), zuko (atla), okonkwo (things fall apart), nwoye (things fall apart), bokuto (haikyuu), sinclair (demian), hiccup (httyd) 63. five songs that would play in your club?      Wednesday Girl- Elijah Who, Aso, Peachy!, Kudasaibeats, slchld // Way Back Home- SHAUN, Conor Maynard, Sam Feldt // Let Me Down Slow (Acoustic)- New Hope Club // Crush Culture- Conan Gray // All Night Long- TAEYEON, LUCAS 64. favorite website from your childhood?      animal jam 65. any permanent scars?      I have a ton of scars on my legs and knees. I ran into a cart at staples once and have a big scar from that. I have a few scars on my elbows too 66. favorite flower(s)?      columbine (CO state flower) 67. good luck charms?      none 68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?      I have no idea 69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?      I don’t know 70. left or right handed?       right 71. least favorite pattern?      cheetah or zebra print 72. worst subject?      hmmm biology but only bc I don't put in the effort 73. favorite weird flavor combo?      I don't know. I like food 74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?      I don't think I've experienced enough pain to accurately answer this question. I've only taken ibuprofen once (when I got my wisdom teeth taken out), but I didn't think it was that necessary to take 75. when did you lose your first tooth?      probably when I was six 76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?      scalloped potatoes, hash browns, Spanish tortillas, potato salad, mashed potatoes 77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?      aloe vera 78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?      sushi from a grocery store 79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?      school ID 80. earth tones or jewel tones?      earth tones 81. fireflies or lightning bugs?      they're called fireflies 82. pc or console?      pc 83. writing or drawing?      writing 84. podcasts or talk radio?      podcasts 84. barbie or polly pocket?      no 85. fairy tales or mythology?      mythology 86. cookies or cupcakes?      cookies 87. your greatest fear?      Accidentally biting off my tongue and then choking on it, seeing things in mirrors, being stabbed with a knife as I enter a hotel elevator, receiving emails 88. your greatest wish?      Happiness??? I don’t know 89. who would you put before everyone else?      Snickers 90. luckiest mistake?      I don't know 91. boxes or bags?      boxes 92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?      sunlight 93. nicknames?      let's not talk abt that,,, 94. favorite season?      spring or summer 95. favorite app on your phone?      google play books, goodreads, tumblr, kakaotalk, spotify, google keep 96. desktop background?      it's a slideshow. the background at the moment is a photo of Manarola, Italy taken by Peter Hegedus. It's one of my favorite photographs of all time 97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?      three not including 911 (so four) 98. favorite historical era?     1300s in the Mongol empire or around when the spice trade was at its peak, 1800s in America during westward expansion, 1920s, ancient egypt, Harlem Renaissance 

[ibuproffie]

hello all! i took my third and final sat on august 25th, for privacy reasons, i will not share my exact scores, but they are in the range for the colleges i am applying to, so i am satisfied with them. here’s my guide to getting the sat score of your dreams; best of luck x

sat breakdown:

evidence based reading section: like act reading but a little more challenging (65 minutes, 52 questions, 5 passages) 

evidence based writing section: exactly the same as act writing and language (35 minutes, 44 questions) 

math (no calculator): don’t stress tm abt this section, it’s actually easier than math w calculator, main issue (for me at least) is timing (25 minutes, 20 questions) 

math (calculator): more complex math, goes up to basic trig and geometry (55 minutes, 38 questions) both math sections have grid-in questions in which you have to write in your answer rather than select a multiple choice option

writing (optional): analyze a piece of writing in an essay, a bit more challenging than act writing (50 minutes) 

highest score: 1600

lowest score: 400

general info:

the sat is made by the college board, who also make the ap exams. so if you’ve ever taken an ap exam, you have a college board account. if not, you’ll have to make one. it’s fairly easy to do. 

make sure your password is something you can easily remember. if possible, set it so your computer remembers it. 

you can later send your scores to colleges using your college board account. 

when signing up to take an sat, make sure that you print out your admission ticket early rather than late. also make sure you have clear directions to your testing center if you’ve never been there before. 

you will also be asked for an additional proof of id. if you take the sat through a talent search program, this will be provided for you. otherwise, bring drivers’ id, passport, or an sat id form. (the sat id form is kind of a pain to fill out, so i would strongly recommend you bring one of the other ids i mentioned.) 

if you’re a senior planning to submit your sat score to colleges, make sure you’ll get your sat scores back before you apply. for this reason, it’s better to schedule a summer test over an autumn test. 

cramming the night before probably won’t improve your score. if you have to study at all the night before, do your best section and look over math formulas. (they won’t give you arc length and that’s almost always on the test.) 

bring a snack! a hungry brain will not improve matters!

check to make sure your calculator is approved by college board. most are, but you never know. 

you can opt to take sat writing on test day if you found out a college you’re interested in requires a writing score. but lots of top schools don’t require sat w writing (all the schools i’m currently applying to are top 50 and none of them require a writing score). you only really need to take it if you have ivy league/uc ambitions. 

ways to take the sat:

self study: this method is what most people do. they do practice tests online or through khan academy, or buy an sat prep book and do practice questions. this method is pretty solid, but you have to be disciplined to do it effectively. if you know you can’t motivate yourself to study, this is probably not the move. 

sat classes/tutoring: if you have the money to do this, or if you can find free classes, this method is also fairly effective. if you know you can’t be trusted to study by yourself, this is probably the best way to study.

blind testing: this is where you take the test without studying at all. you may want to do this for your first sat, but it is not recommended you do this for any sat after, unless you’re some sort of test-taking god (but if you are, why are you reading this post?) 

are prep books worth it?

yes and no. it really depends on the prep book. 

i’ve always used the princeton review books. they’re pretty high quality and the questions are a lot like the ones on the sat. they tend to focus more on “tricks” then how to, like, do the questions though, which bothers me a little bit. 

college board makes its own sat review guides, which are also fairly reputable. they have former sat tests in them, which can be helpful. however many real tests have already been released by college board online and are thus free. 

kaplan also makes pretty good review material. imo kaplan tests are harder than actual sat tests. kaplan is also less focused on “tricks.” which i found more helpful than princeton review’s methods. 

the tea on tutoring:

the summer before my junior year i took a kaplan course to prep for the sat. i got a lot out of it, personally. they gave us tips for taking the test at a much faster pace, and i brought my score up by 100 points. 

that being said, tutoring is def not necessary for success. the course was p expensive, and it was also a lot of work to keep up with. if you’re already pretty busy, you may not get a lot out of a class because it does take up time. 

if you have the time and money, i’d say a kaplan or other test-prep course could be worth it to you. if not, there are plenty of other, less expensive ways to prep for the test. 

for example, studying with a group of friends can play the same role as a kaplan class in that it will get you motivated (or shamed into) studying for the sat. 

other alternatives:

do not sleep on khan academy! if you don’t know what it is by now, it’s a free website with tons of helpful videos on just about any subject ( i especially recommend it for math and science.) they have sat prep material that has been verified by college board and you can customize a study schedule to your needs, and, if you log into your college board account, you can build a study plan that focuses on your weaknesses-based off your psat or your last sat. 

take the psat if you can before the sat. it’s formulated quite similarly to the sat, and if you do well on the psat you may be eligible for a national merit scholarship. 

staying motivated:

make a study schedule and stick to it. and be specific with it, so instead of saying “today i’m going to study sat math” say “today i’m going to review geometry topics and do fifteen practice problems.” 

don’t attempt to do too much in one day. you will almost certainly get burnt out if you take a full practice test every day or something. 

practice tests are helpful, but schedule them for days on which you literally have nothing else to do so you can time them properly (they are about four hours if you practice the essay as well.) 

write down every question you get wrong in a notebook, along with an explanation of how to get the correct answer. that way, before test day, you can flip through the notebook and quickly review what sorts of mistakes you tend to make so you can be extra vigilant on the real test. 

promise yourself rewards for good work! for example “if i get all the questions right today, i’ll buy myself a present.” 

the day before the test, if you have to study at all, practice the section of the test that is easiest to you. this will get you extra confident for the next day. 

i can’t afford the sat. what do i do?

fee waivers are available for the sat. see if you are eligible to get one. 

is my score good enough?

to answer this question, check the sat “middle 50%” range for the college or university you’re applying. do not look at the “average” sat score, as this is a less reliable indicator of the necessary score needed for acceptance to that college. 

if you are in between the scores in the middle 50% range or at the cutoff points for the middle 50% range, your score is very similar to the scores of people who were admitted. at the very least, your sat score will not keep you out of that college. 

if you’re above the scores at the top of the range, you have a good shot at getting admitted, potentially with some sort of scholarship money. 

if you’re below the scores at the bottom of the range, it will probably be harder for you to get in to that school. however, it is not totally impossible to get accepted, especially if you’re only ten or twenty points below the cutoff for the end of the range. 

colleges do not look at just test scores, contrary to popular belief. plenty of people get turned down from top schools with perfect sat scores. recognize that doing well helps, but it’s not everything. the sat is simply a measure of how well you can do on the sat. it is not a valid predictor of intelligence or even success in college and beyond. you are more than just a number. you are. i promise. 

superscoring:

chances are, if you’ve taken the test more than one time, your composite score has fluctuated a little bit. you might have done better in math on one test, but bombed english, yet when you took it a second time, your math score plummeted and your english score soared. so which score do you submit? 

most colleges, thankfully, won’t make you choose. you can now submit multiple tests, and your highest subscores across the board will be taken to create your all-time highest score. this practice is called superscoring. be sure to check the score policies for the colleges your interested in, as not all colleges superscore (cough cough: the uc schools) 

random sat tips that worked for me:

you know those reading questions where it asks you to answer a question and then the preceding question asks you to back it up with evidence? anyway, what i do for those is read the first question, and then, without looking at the answer choices, skip to the second question and select the evidence that answers it. only then do i answer the first question. 

learn the arc length formulas. tattoo them on your forehead. they WILL be on the math section. 

skip hard questions. they’re worth as many points as easy questions. bubble a random answer in and come back to them if you have time. 

remember there’s no guessing penalty, so it’s in your best interest to bubble all the questions. you’re better off guessing one letter for all your unknown questions rather than “christmas-treeing” it. the right answer is not always b or c, contrary to popular opinion so guess a or d if you’re bad ;) 

for english, the simplest answer is usually the best. 

[castlehead]

beauty seems to be really funny most of the time and i like dat.

this idea that sends pop definitions of beauty running for the hills makes for some

quality distance, if only one step back.

what if i had any idea who i was but could see into everybody else

phone home cheeky cosmic touch m8 gonna think this is too easy

yeah but not let’s feel this way without before examining ourselves

for anything fake about it first parting from the idea that there wasnt anyway

and then parting cuz that knows so much

that part of me knows so much abt what do you call it extreme fear of maudlin

i run naked thru the grass singing abt yesteryear

                        ...There’s a move in social situations I like to call, “around the sun” whereby you wait for the game to end to play music, or wait patiently for one plan of another to say its peace so you can say yours. I like to take it to a more extreme level and say, turn down the fuckin tv, I want to listen to a thing I find beautiful.

SONG ONE : like the earth

1. Sit back and dream of clouded metaphors Reveal the schemes that we devised Back in the day, when ur hands were small And the WORLD splayed out colorfully Before our eyes

(chorus)

Take ur thronging bussloads of the living dead Take all the lifetimes of a million busy heads Ur sly intellectuals that laugh in the dome The only place, the only place is in the peaceful tones Of singing birds perched on ascending wires, like notes

2. Caught u up past three, sitting on the porch I woke up from a dream that I immediately forgot That seems to happen a lot, especially if previously I torched a dutch and passed the fuck out But from the ether of my dreams I heard, from the scope of reality I heard you shout

(chorus)

3. The sun and the moon both live in a box And the box is a square made out of lead And the square lies motionless in ur head Like a body on the rocks

Watch the hour tuck away into an evening A day nestled in afternoon light From the beginning In ur mind that made all minds the same The twilight creeping across ur paper brain And I can only burn and burn and burn

And I can turn round like the EARTH And I can be a sphere like the EARTH And I can stitch up the nations With fear, like the EARTH

(chorus)

                        ...people who call it a false flag just don’t wanna think it’s their own who bomb, if it can’t be a towelhead.

SONG TEW : the rainbow

The sinister rainbow blinks over the clover And the dawn is a monster in my brain I'll take a picture before this song is over And I’ll fix u in a wheel to keep me sane

Don’t break out the gin for the old lady creepers Smoke until the blur makes ur head float around I live in hades, burn my tongue on the heater When I lick this heaven ill taste yur sound

(chorus)

What Im saying isnt deep What Im stealing isnt cheap But I know that if i play it loud and long That this song in my head will instead Form a beat

Like a stranger in the rain Slowly driving me insane There's a fork in the road And I dont know whether Or when, all this shit will come together In the end

2. I got a stupid friend who lives in a pause He takes life from the tiger’s jaws, and prays

That life begins again, after it is over And the rainbow shines like a dream, in a daze

Ill take u thru the eye of the needle Ill breathe a testament to ur false gods Ill tell the truth, and contaminate the evil And zap u like a lightning rod

(chorus)

3. Dont you know that the rainbow is the world? Dont you know that the news is already told? Im gettin too old to be unfurled Im seein the rainbow in my mind Im waking up for the daily grind Im singing useless things for useful people The rainbow is not evil, its kind Dont u know that the color kings rattle like a marble In a tin can? And the rainbow eats the darkness like a mother Without a son? Dont u know that u can never be a man? And the rainbow drags across the empty land And the rainbow drags across the empty land

(chorus) (chorus)

                        ...the only division is classical and romantic. all else is contributory to these two. postmodern, modern, no. romantic. it all follows the romantic objective. one is ruled by the time at which it occurred, and the other is ruled by the mechanism of breaking from any present time.

SONG THREE : an ending that promises to begin again

1. A legend sleeps in yur head somewhere You take yur trembling hands And grope for mine, like a bum for spare Change... You cant explain

This strange perdition that engulfs Yur position in the sane... And the trouble of the pulse That leads a broken synapse Up into my eccentric brain... Theres a clot in my neck And the ruins of time Keep me from being able to find A comfortable spot to rest

(chorus)

Im stuck in erasure--a constant exposure To the elements still provides me with eyes To see bad karma writhing in my spleen And I wonder if ill dream While the whole WORLD is awake Will I be the manufactured figure, Will I be fake?

Or will I take these petty abstractions And roll them up into a ball And put them in my pocket Just to feel the reason stall In my throat... Is life a puzzle, or a joke?

2. The life you led one sunny afternoon Is the life you never led again... I can appreciate the reasons For why you did not blend Like a chameleon in the room But cant discern the seasons Of the moon

Yur whispers prosper, loud Like a passionate apostle And the lords are proud of ur Painting on the wall... That skritter of an evening gone Is enough to scatter colors When the sky finally falls, And the lords are like the brothers Of what lorded over them... Take these idols and shatter them... The racket in my brain is loud And does not end And does not end And does not end, even when the jig is up Cuz ive gotten fucked by time: Its an ending that promises To begin again

(chorus)

                        ...Nobody starts an Apollonian, and only those are Dionysian who have the capacity for restraint needed to confer the Apollonian chariot, tho some die without a revision of the vision etc. some die restraintless

SONG FOUR : chauncey ames and the case of jenny preston

1. Chauncey loved the flowers Chauncey loved the trees Chauncey smelled the wind And knew that he was free

Chauncey took a cab home Chauncey felt the air flow Thru the window He paid the driver extra Just for keeping him From being alone... Back, once again To the place that he had left Long ago

In fact, it had been years and years and years Since the man had seen walls Not fortified in concrete... In fact, it had been years and years and years Since this man had put to rest That lying cheat

(chorus)

Chauncey was a killer That was his disease Got off on manslaughter: Fingerprints on a pair keys Got him twelve years For offing someone's daughter Even tho she was eighty three Cuz no matter how old u are Everyone Is a daughter or son To someone

2. Now he's out, but he has his fears... Maybe people will not like him For his past It is unclear Even after all the facts Had been presented... Whether Jenny Preston Was murdered, or just had a bad fall Onto a bed of broken glass They found her in the hall At the head of the stairs, flat on her wrinkled ass

(chorus)

Chauncey was a man of few words But in the end he was unheard His eyes were petrified In delirium His arms shook As he held the gun He took aim On the good book Instead of his brains just to prove a point His neck is craned His eyes like coins That shine their milky matter On the barrel of a luger

(Chorus)

                        ...doubt any of y'all would live up to the wit/confidence/sardonicism y'all judiciously sculpt for hours on the book of face.

SONG FYVE: my summer home

1. This is food for thought Write it down in chalk: The chimney puffs From the fire in the fireplace And erupts in a black plume And with luck The old man Balances a spoon On his nose He sits inside a room As the room grows Smoking from a pipe While its raining outside And the light Is waning, slowly waning, outside

My fingers and my toes Are numb to the bone And I will have my wish To swim with all the fish In the sea of my mind In time ill find A little spot in the country Somewhere peaceful and secluded Ill save up all my money And hope im not deluded And hope that I can find a place Thats nice, a lush spot For a good price

(Chorus) Do you feel that I feel you? Do you feel that you feel me? The time is right to live again To let the atoms wiggle In our spherical galaxy That seems to have no real end But the one that we assume Is reality, and soon We'll eat up all the doom

2. Concentrate upon a single understanding Dont let the sisters on the throne Rage in the dome And find out that this trip Needs more planning to exist

The sky is silver and the universe is green Ill show you things in this world That you have never seen Things that have been waiting So long to be unfurled Things for boys and things for girls Without an explanation Ill bring the nation together And hold it by a tether Show you things for boys And things for girls

(Chorus)

                        ...for example i would never be able to muster the cognitive stones to say all of this, in order, amongst the company of people, even friends

SONG SIX : notion

#1 im in the middle of this phrase Stuck between the lines Bless these simple chains I'll see what I can find In my simple mind To lead to some way out The drip, drip drip of water From the trippy rusty spout Keeps me awake I'll explain that to ur daughter The world is fake The world is miles away:

Chorus: Put a notion on the river And see it travel downsteam Suspended on liquid creature dreams I sweated thru the fever And, between the middle of this phrase Passed all my days in solitude And grew weaker, as the days Passed on in solitude

You can call me daft You can say im frozen In technicolor time That im stranded on an island In the middle of the ocean But I dont have the spine To wiggle thru the shaft And give you back This simple notion

#2 I gots a paper boat Lofting on the water It travels down ur purple throat And dissolves in the water

I set a fire just to see if it could think And I questioned the venom Just to see if it could blink Nonsense on the edge Of the bullshit day Chillin on the ledge, you shape the clay And drive the screws on down And drive the screws on down

I thought of you, thought of you And I felt like a clown

(chorus)

#3 I crawl out, I crawl out I crawl out of bed I walk down the hall To turn the notion into thread And whisper rumors to the dead Sometimes I try to talk And my voice drops Sometimes the vague paralysis Defies analysis And you are left sitting on a chair In a yellow room That is a technicolor tomb Without a door, confined and spare, I crawl, I crawl I crawl out of bed And walk down the hall And fall and fall and fall Into the creation of sound Until I hit the ground And everything is mother night And the imperfections in yur eye Spangle in the strange notion of the twilight

(chorus) (chorus)

                         ...the broad concept of subjectivity has as much to do with a detailed exegesis of one tenet of it as death itself with the specific way we die

SONG SEVEN : collected and connected

You're a sharp one You're a dumb one You got nobody But the people in yur head

And everybody is connected But you aint connected to them Yur a ghost, on the interim While the fringes die out You live them out To the last splinter Until it is winter And the trees are all white with snow And the blue wind blows

Yu spend twenty minutes Feeling for the lightswitch In a room made out of figments That you shovel into a ditch And bury, along with all yur Dangerous ambitions And as you drive away, you feel The religion Of yur memories corrupt u And yu reel

CHORUS. Cuz everyones connected Everyones collected Into the same intangible organism That lives life in the schism Of ur teeth I watch ur lips move And cannot hear u speak I pick up on the clues and watch the pressure leak Until all of it is used And nothing much is left To be abused

Everyones connected by a string That trembles across the space Of every living thing The fractions of my face illuminate in the light I shake when i sing I am a yellow kite Mangled in a tree Forgotten by the breeze I am a thing, wafting in the breeze But I have begun again, my friend, Just by following the string Follow, follow the string

#2 Two days ago the WORLD was made of angles I opened my eyes to the lost ways And came upon a shallow swale The brush and branches tangled And the rays of the sun, barely Coming thru the jail Of the scary fray

Dont you think that yur fellow men Would like to lend a hand? And dont you think That this desert you have crossed Only gets u more lost Until u arrive at the brink Of the sahara, and find A single, solitary house Where a mumbling old man Is confined

(CHORUS) (CHORUS)

i always dress nice when i have no place to go. otherwise i look like a sweaty coked up hobo. its my chic, paranoid hobo chic. my comportment u say? quirky to the acquaintance, somewhat sad to the friend, an endearing mix of both with a dash of worry to the best friend, and an embarrassment to the significant other. im usually the life of the party bc i bring drugs so people are forced to tolerate my horror of a personality.

rejection is a rare and beautiful flower my time is spent tending it my life wants it to be a gift i water the flower it sits next to my bed it is next to a lamp littered under the lamp are dead ladybugs ladybugs are all over my house but if i am not meant i am not meant and i cast my line of poetry here trying to figure out if it was meant to be there wonder exactly why what is innumerable can be rare and think of lots of things

[luxken]

unofficially tagged by @gunsatthaphan​ bc im in the mood to overshare so :D!! 

1. What is the color of your hairbrush? pink im pretty sure

2. Name a food you never eat. uhh lamb? ig which is annoying bc its everywhere

3. Are you typically too warm or too cold? too warm D: the sadness I feel

 4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? damn idk WAIt I was writing a one shot for a tomarry ask meme prompt

 5. What’s your favourite candy bar? either old gold, turkish delight or flake

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports game? yea I used to be mad abt cricket way back when I was pretending to be straight

7. What is the last thing you said out loud? muttering to myself abt how to copy+paste this thing effectively

8. What is your favourite ice cream? vanilla bc im a basic bitch :(

9. What was the last thing you had to drink? water bc im a bad bitch :)

10. Do you like your wallet? its cool, its worth more than what I have in there currently lmao

11. What is the last thing you ate? some bacon for dinner

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? nope im broker than the american government

13. What’s the last sporting event you watched? probably afl

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? uh,,butter?

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? a friend on snap

16. Ever been camping? DEATH not like real camping ig i mean i went on “camp” for school but it was shite and we slept in cabins so

17. Do you take vitamins? nah i dont have that level of commitment

18. Do you regularly attend a place of worship? pffft i am godless

19. Do you have a tan? on my arms and legs- the rest? snow white sis

 20. Do you prefer chinese or pizza? pizza all the way

21. Do you drink your soda through a straw? im too skinny to drink soft drink

22. What color socks do you usually wear? usually black bc i need to wear them for school but i have these rlly cool puzzle socks i got from aldi love them

23. Do you ever drive above the speed limit? im also driver license-less

24. What terrifies you? being str*ight

25. Look to your left, what do you see? a blank wall bitch

26. What chore do you hate most? like all of them

27. What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? fuckin idk man uh nothing

 28. What’s your favourite soda? not even gonna answer

29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? cant drive so i walk inside tho the drive thru is preferable if im w mum

30. What’s your favourite number? 6 its so. r o u n d

31. Who’s the last person you talked to? my sister telling me to shut up

32. Favorite meat? chicken its so good

33. Last song you listened to? im listening to my honest face by inhaler rn

34. Last book you read? like physical? um, hang on need to check goodreads. fully, the princes’s boy, partially hpatcoc (LMAO IT SAYS PHAT COCK). if u mean fanfic then legit couldnt tell u probs smth abt elu

35. Favorite day of the week?  wednesday its grouse

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? yuh

37. How do you like your coffee? like flat whites myself

38. Favorite pair of shoes? some ratty white converse

39. Time you normally get up? for school around 7-7:30, though regularly around 9

40. What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunsets bc I dont need to get up early

41. How many blankets on your bed?  one not including my doona

42. Describe your kitchen plates. tf. um multicultural

43. Describe your kitchen at the moment. smells like fish

44. Do you have a favorite alcoholic drink? legally I cannot say, but illegally I can attest to vodka cruisers even tho they're full of sugar

45. Do you play cards? yuh uno is the SHIT

 46. What color is your car? mum’s car- which’ll be mine when I get my l’s- is red

47. Can you change a tire? pfft no

48. Your favorite state or province? tassie bc they're funky and the air is rlly clean even tho they're incestuous as hell

49. Favorite job you’ve had? i havent had a real job yet :/ gonna apply for coles doe so wish me luck 

[fiveshots-nokills]

All numbers, Widow and Gerard ;)

oh my god why would you do this to me

1. Who is the early bird/ Who is the night owl?Amelie can stay up all night no problem but ask her to get up early and she’ll kick u in the faceNeither of them really liked getting up early but Gerard was less bitter about it2. Who is the big spoon/ Who is the little spoon?Gerard is the big spoon. (Was?)3. Who hogs the cover/ Who loves to cuddle?Amelie is that bitch who hogs the covers but does Gerard care? no. he just wraps himself around her and forces her to share and she fake pouts but she loves it and after a while of being in talon she started to ask sombra to do the same because as she started to remember she couldn’t handle being alone4. Who wakes the other one up with kisses?Gerard def (although Amelie would on Gerard’s birthday)5. Who usually has nightmares?Neither of them They’re Happy There’s Nothing Wrong HaHaHaHAHAH i’m in pain6. Who would have really deep emotional thoughts at the middle of the night/ Who would have them in the middle of the day? Gerard is the kind of person to be like “do you think pigeons have feelings” in the middle of the night but if you’re talking abt legit deep probably Amelie7. Who sweats the small stuff?Amelie, but like secretly. She’s nervous sometimes that she’s too aloof and not affectionate enough for gerard but he loves her just the way he is GoD I’mGiVIng MYselF FeeLS AnoN8. Who sleeps in their underwear (or naked)/ Who sleeps in their pajamas?Amelie wears floofy sweatpants and tshirts. Gerard sleeps shirtless but he wears pants (sometimes)9. Who makes the coffee (or tea)?Amelie, bc she doesn’t trust gerard to make hers right10. Who likes sweet/ Who likes sour?Amelie has a sweet tooth. gerard just likes candy,, any and all candy11. Who likes horror movies/ Who likes romance movies?Gerard loves horror movies. Amelie is a coward (Gerard also likes romance movies, and Amelie complains about them but secretly she thinks they’re adorable)12. Who is smol/ Who is tol?Gerard is the smol,,, i mean his gf is like 6′0 so13. Who is considered the scaredy cat?Amelie lmaooo14. Who kills the spiders?Gerard ironic bc a spider got him in the end hahahha kill me15. Who is scared of the dark?Amelie again. it’s why she likes that gerard cuddles her he makes her feel safe16. Who is scared of thunderstorms?Amelie… but she pretends she’s not while hiding under the covers “just for fun, gerard, stop laughing”17. Who works/ Who stays at home?Gerard works from home most of the time !! he tries to never be stationed away for too long, or to get stationed near where Amelie is performing if he can.18. Who is a cat person/ Who is a dog person?Amelie is a cat person and gerard is a dog person. they have one of each. the cat’s name is Noire, it’s a black cat with beautiful yellow eyes. the dog’s name is Ulysses bc Amelie thought it was dumb so of course Gerard went with it19. Who loves to call the other one cute names?Gerard ofc but Amelie calls him things in french20. Who is dominant/ Who is submissive?no21. Who has an obsession (over anything)?Amelie loves ballet. She loves watching it, dancing it, and the classical music that goes with it. Gerard really likes collecting state quarters, even though he lives in france. amelie thinks it’s stupid. he thinks its fun.22. Who goes all out for Valentine’s Day?Amelie, surprisingly. She’s got the wine, the fancy dinner, the romantic stroll through the park – if it was up to gerard, he would probably just stand outside her window with a jukebox thinking that was romantic23. Who asks who out on the first date?Amelie asked gerard, which surprised him a TON. i mean, he was flirting with her for months but he didn’t think she reciprocated?? and then one day she’s like “so want to get coffee on saturday” and hes like SHIT YEAH OKAY SOUNDS GOOD24. Who is the talker/ Who is the listener? Gerard talks a lot more but that’s okay. Amelie chimes it when it counts.25. Who wears the other ones clothes?Both of them. Gerard looks great in a tutu. Amelie loves his sweatshirts and his overwatch jacket26. Who likes to eat healthy/ Who loves junk food?Amelie eats super healthy bc she’s got to stay in shape. She sneaks chocolate a lot though. Gerard likes to taunt her by eating a family sized bag of doritos in her presence once. He sleeps on the couch that night.27. Who takes a long shower/ Who sings in the shower?Amelie takes a super long shower. They both sing. They’re both terrible at singing.28. Who is the book worm?Amelie. She’s read pride and prejudice ten times. She still cries at the end.29. Who is the better cook?Amelie, but she’s never around. Gerard mostly makes frozen lean cuisine meals or hot pockets30. Who likes long walks on the beach?you would think i’d say amelie but neither of them honestly? they don’t get much time to go to the beach and Gerard prefers the woods anyway31. Who is more affectionate?Gerard, at least overtly.32. Who likes to have really long (deep) conversation?Amelie. She doesn’t really do small talk, especially since they don’t get to spend much time together.33. Who would wear “not guilty” t-shirt/ Who would wear “sin” t-shirt?Amelie wears the “not guilty” t-shirt and gerard wears the “sin” t-shirt34. Who would wear “if lost return to…” t-shirt/ Who would wear “I am…” t-shirt?Amelie reluctantly wears the “if lost return to” shirt and gerard of course wears the “i am gerard” shirt with the biggest shit-eating grin on his face. there’s a picture of them wearing it in disney world. gerard has mickey ears on. amelie looks like she wants death.35. Who goes overboard on the holidays?They both spoil each other honestly. Amelie sometimes feels bad bc she makes a lot more money than gerard does but he’s like I Must Treat My Wife Like The Queen She Is36. Who is the social media addict?Gerard. He has everything and he’s famous on all of them. Amelie runs a very successful instagram37. Height difference or age difference?Height difference. Gerards a few inches shorter and Amelie teases him a lot about it38. Who likes to star gaze?Amelie, but Gerard will join her just to see how pretty she is under the night sky there i go again giving myself the feels39. Who buys cereal for the prize inside?gerard, obviously40. Who is the fun parent/ Who is the responsible parent?Gerard is the fun parent to outsiders looking in, but in reality, it’s amelie that sneaks her children cookies when they’ve already had a snack and who lets them eat dessert before dinner sometimes and spoils them41. Who cries during sad movies? Both of them, though Amelie will never admit to it.42. Who is the neat freak?Amelie, god. she’s never around to clean up though, so their flat gets to be a mess sometimes43. Who wins the stuffed animals at the carnival for the other one?Gerard tries. He really does. He wants to have a grand romantic gesture but in the end, he just really can’t beat amelies aim jesus i need to stop44. Who is active/ Who is lazy?Amelie is more active but I would never call Gerard lazy. He’s an accomplished fighter and works hard to protect the people he loves and the world. People write him off as a goof sometimes, but he can be very serious when he needs to be and is excellent at his job.45. Who is more likely to get drunk?Amelie. She always thinks one bottle of wine isn’t enough to get her drunk. It’s more than enough.46. Who has the longer food order?Gerard. He just wants to try everything47. Who has the more complex coffee order?Amelie lmao but normally she makes her coffee herself bc the baristas “never get it right”48. Who loses stuff?Gerard, amelie is really good about keeping track of her things since she travels so much. Meanwhile, gerard’s got one shoe at watchpoint gibraltar and the other at the Swiss HQ and for some reason can never remember to reunite them49. Who is the driver/ Who is the passenger?Gerard drives bc Amelie is always tired and needs rest50. Who is the hopeless romantic?Both of them

Whew I did it i hope you like my cute headcanons (although it’s my personal headcanon that post-talon stuff widow regrets killing gerard but no longer has feelings for him which is Really Angsty so)

Send me a ship & some numbers!

[aitian]

Oct 1 2019

Tuesday 11:35 pm

August was fine. I spent time with mom & dad & there were moments. I made pants w mom, mom gave me a nice bob cut, i went to wegmans to eat in the cafeteria w mom sometimes & adele at other times, i passed my drivers test & got my wisdom teeth pulled out, & i did not work on my book. I moved into college & nneka had a lot of friend drama and i felt like am imposter in the irc bc black women should be free in this space without me watching but also they believe in many of the evil col*mbia things i cant think good things abt. I began classes & had a scare when i wasn’t supposed to sign up for my grad student class but i interviewed during office hours & it was fine. i now think honestly i am one of the better students but the class is kinda a mess. so are my other classes. surprisingly cc is very good & i enjoy my prof.

September was less fine but we did it. aside from classes, i am feeling more and less in tough w my femininity. like i present with longer hair now but feel like my body is really awful for ppl to interpret still, and is end up wearing a hat every other day. Mom called me last night & told me she was back from china, my grandparents are fine for now probly, and jimmie/alice’s dad d*ed. I don’t rly know how to process this information but jimmie liked my instagram post last night. that’s so awful.

Some good memories:

- first day of lion dance practice i sweat so much & emma has such good skin they just glow on low plaza under the soft night lamps & i actually had a lot of fun moving around & being around emma & afterward we all went to get free gong cha & i got a mango slush w basil seeds bc i was like wow it’s paid for try smth fancy & i went to emilys woodbridge apt & Claire was there making pottery & emma was talking to them when i walked in & it was so pleasant to see them together and then emma also came to do pottery & we all sat together in claires big bedroom/living room at night & talked & i felt like a part of a rly nice warm family even tho everyone else is not that nice and warm feeling abt each other to some numbed extent bc of crushes & bad behavior & etc but i rly had such a good night

- i went to the ny art book fair with grace & we met emma there & looked at zines & claire came later & i was like wow these ppl who i don’t even know very well took time out of their day to b with me & then emma & i took the train back & i talked to emma abt anarchy & chinese folktales & daoism on the train ride back & also mia mingus on leaving evidence at some point but yea i rly liked sharing time with them on the ride back then i took a nap i shouldn’t have taken & left late to go to my first day of tutoring & ended up being 15 mins late bc the one train goes express on weekends but i stayed for 30 mins extra & got paid 100 for an hr!! i was standing in the elevator with two 50 dollar bills in my hand like??? what??? this is my life? rich ppl just have money to do whatever with ?????? also side note yesterday i taught her how to draw a circle given a center & radius without plotting a bunch of points from solving the equation 💩

- after the wow information session i went back home with em & we cooked noodles together & em told their roommates that there were so many leaks in the kitchen & they all came and gathered around a bundle of leeks on the cutting board & the wow info session had such good black sesame moon cakes bc they were home made & smth abt the freshness just makes them so 香 but yea it was so nice to talk to em & share some hugs & food & it rly reminded me of those times last yr when em randomly invited me over to eat noodles & take care of me & tbh that’s the only non-parent love that feels so real that i can cry

- today was so awful bc it’s a Tuesday & that means i have printmaking from 10-4 & then chinese avant-garde 4-6 plus mei from wow could only call me at 1 today out of all the times this week so i spent my lunch break doing that & another stressful thing was my oral presentation in the grad student class that i was rly not prepared for. so i wake up around 8:30 & try to finish the reading i want to present abt bc i wanna review & don’t come close to finishing & head off to class & i had spent 3 hrs in the print show the previous day preparing materials for this class that we didn’t even use so im making a stupid book & it’s so stupid & i eat a few of my dumplings i fried in the 10 mins before class started & can’t eat them bc i feel watched & pressure to read & pressure abt how i don’t know anything abt what to do in this art class & ppl helping always feels like ppl telling me I’m stupid & also im just feeling bad in my body. so i unsuccessfully make 1 book after two attempts & then it’s 11:30 & i give up & just sit down to read & restless reading & then i go to lunch meaning i come to my room to read & at this point im feeling suuper queasy like dry mouth, throat closing up, feeling like i wanna throw up so i do & there isn’t rly much to throw up & it’s 12:59 & i think abt throwing up some more but i rush to drink water instead & the call comes at 1:03 & i am so cheery & have nothing to say so i just say all the things abt me & then she asks if i have any questions & i talk abt how amazing em is as if that’s an answer but not before telling her u have to go to class so we say bye & i go to class & tomas isn’t there yet even tho he looked me in the eyes earlier in the day & said he wants to meet with all of us for crit & so i ask joanna if we will be learning anything Jew in the afternoon & she says no & she would go if she were sick so i just put my stuff away & go to my room to finish (sorta) reading & type up a script for my presentation & then i tell xinni im leaving class around 2:45 so we go to the heyman center & i finish writing my part of the thing & putting pictures in & she finishes hers & we go to class & our presentation goes very well & lydia helps question ppl for discussion too so it’s not that awkward & i ask lydia abt what is avant-garde if were talking abt capitalists selling colonial modernity & anarchists in the same sentence & she spends the last half our talking abt how movements should resist definitions bc those delineations of boundaries are not conducive to discourse & so class ends & now im shivering bc im sick & i come back to drink some nyquil yay & chat with my ra & then nneka swipes me in to the dining hall but shes w the ra chatting for too long in a line that’s too long so i leave & sit in bed with my food to take a 15 min nap & by some miracle i get up to talk to grace & kyoko abt a workshop for apia-u & then aaa meeting happens & its whatever & i come back to my room- pretty sad day right? but i look at my phone & see Emma has sent me a video out of the blue called i love eggs & it’s just a song saying i love u abt eggs thatturn into superheroes & planes & rainbows & etc & idk if this is a super gay proposal or sorts or just super gay friend things but i think i interpret it as both. Finally i got an email from em saying they would love to welcome me as a wow intern & im sorta guilty bc it somewhat feels like i tricked em into making this happen for me by being pitiful but that’s such an awful thing to think & mostly i am very excited to work with em & see em & go to Chinatown & be tender & goofy & also earn a bit of money?? but yes very very good day.