#its maybe grating and annoying but its me yknow??

[soldier-poet-king]

In the euphoria of it being Friday and getting to leave work early and go home and play bg3, I had forgotten the absolute most horrifying thing my father said to me this morning

"you're starting to sound a lot like your mother" and given my parents marriage this has the added implication of (derogatory)

I'm just ???? HELL IM IN HELL?? I am 27 how tf is my voice apparently changing, is this puberty part 2??? Like? Is it not enough that all my mother's relatives think I'm her spitting image and CONSTANTLY remind me of that fact (but ofc still retain a few distinctive features of my father like forehead/eyebrows/mouth so I can't even escape either of them in the mirror)

But no now I also apparently have to SOUND like her??? Y'know the voice in my head that fuels so much of my self loathing? As if I already didn't hate my voice because I spent my childhood being told to be quiet because I was annoying, being told my voice was grating in its pitch and intensity, etc etc etc + PLUS hating it for Gender Reasons???

Can we give a bitch a break. For once.

[stevethehairington]

WHERE is my fic where steve sees vickie and nudges robin and is like oh hey look who it is and robin laughs awkwardly and shakes her head and is like just leave it steve and steve, naturally, does not leave it and robin just keeps telling him to leave it alone until finally she just goes steve i don't like her anymore, im not into her anymore and at first steve thinks it's bc of that moment in the hick store and he tries to tell robin not to let that like get her down and eventually the only way robin can get him to stop is by just blurting out i don't like her anymore because i like somebody else! and steve is like 👀👀👀 who but robin REFUSES to tell him, because she thinks that steve is still into nancy and also bc she was literally pushing them together in the upside down so like what kind of a fool would she look like of it turns out SHE likes nancy now after that. and steve just keeps pushing, because that's the kind of relationship they have, they tell each other everything, even if it takes a while for it to come out, it always does in the end. but robin is steadfastly not telling him this. and eventually it gets to the point that she actually gets upset with him - which NEVER happens. argue? sure. get annoyed? absolutely. but genuine anger? NEVER. and steve immediately apologizes and tells robin she doesn't have to tell him, he didn't realize she was so serious about keeping it to herself. but he also reminds her that if she does want to talk to him about it he's there, he always will be there, and no matter what it is its not going to change anything between them.

and so robin sits on it for a few days, but eventually she decides to tell steve. and she is SO nervous. her nails have been bitten down to the quick and she's moved on to picking at the skin around them, and she's fidgeting more than usual and she looks so terrified when she sits steve down, like she's seconds away from crying, and steve is just like robin robin hey, i promise whatever it is its going to be okay. and robin finally tells him, i like nancy. and steve is like oh, oh. and it's clear he didn't expect it, and he's not really reacting one way or another, still processing maybe and that scares robin even more and then steve kind of chuckles and robin starts apologizing profusely, and that snaps steve out of it and he's very quick to stop that and to reassure her that he was only laughing because he gets it. and then robin is laughing too, this rush of relieved, borderline hysterical laughter, and then they're both laughing into each other's arms, tension dissolved, and once the laughter subsides robin looks up at steve and goes you're not mad right? and steve is like robin no, I'm not mad at all I promise. and then hes like look, I'll be honest, when we were, yknow, in the upside down i thought i might have wanted to be with nancy again. it was. i guess that whole thing reminded me of the first time, yknow? and we were... we were together when that first time happened, so i guess it was just like a natural response or something yknow? but that's not- im not in love with her. I love her, but not... not like that anymore. and robin nods and goes okay. and then steve bumps her shoulder and goes but hey, you picked a good one. and robin laughs and then goes but did i? there hasn't exactly been anything to make me think she plays for my team. and steve pauses and then goes yeah okay but when we watched [insert movie here] she always did say how pretty [insert actress here] was. that's gotta count for something right. and robin is like steve no and steve is like come on it has to. and like i see how she is around you, there's something there, there's gotta be. and robin is like. ridiculously grateful that steve is being so cool about this and the way he just immediately jumps on the robin support train, it makes her happy that she's got such a good friend in her corner.

and then steve goes maybe we should let nancy rent fast times and see where she pauses it and robin just shoves steve and goes oh my god shut up!

[toestalucia]

msq lines about captain & loki's journeys i was supposed to post a billion yrs ago but only went to grab now :D yippe(through tears)

Loki: There is no beginning without an end. In other words, to begin means that the ending draws ever nearer. You know, I'm kind of relieved. Relieved to know that my journey's coming to an end. Fenrir: No way are you okay with that… Whaddya mean the journey's gonna end! Just like you decided when to start, you get to decide when to end it! Because it sure as hell ain't much of a "journey" if you're just letting yourself get swept up every which way!

Katalina: Whatever happens to the world now, you're no doubt going to continue playing a large role in it. But regardless of that, I'd like for you to continue your journey. Ever since I took you out of Zinkenstill, it's the one thing I've always wished you could focus more on. Instead of having to respond to the world's every whim, maybe consider your own journey sometimes…

when they started having loki wishing to see what captain&his brother saw i nvr thought we'd end up Here. loki definitely always has just been going around for the ride, taking the emperor spot he said he did cuz he wanted to annoy freesia (long theory about him grieving his brother also played a part), pushing the crew to nalhegrande seemed implied to be something true king wanted (even though in that line he's nooot happy theyre separated. i rly do think loki had plans for it, even tho theyve still havent gone into loki & true king's prior meetings). i feel wanting mikaboshi freed from the great wall is like one of the few times he Rly went for it. either way (ill get into these things more some other time), loki who wished to see the scenery others saw and struggling to look forward, getting a ship, getting members for a crew, and then..........? oarlyegrande was probably the worst time for it anyway knowing what goes on, but.....

lokis journey vs captains journey, who goes from fighting freesia to avoid the world being rewritten, to fighting true kings plans to avoid the great wall falling into his hands, to joining a rebellion in oarlyegrande against true king (who also was revealed to have attacked zinkenstill and kidnapped their aunt in the past), to fighting the otherworld cuz if they dont its joever......

?

'consider your own journey sometimes'

god

guy who doesnt know what he wants & guy who cant say no to the world. also both guys who has stated they'd go against fate itself to get their will through (loki when talking to the astral at edgelands, captain when meeting bahamut when almost dying again due to lyria being far away (in the otherworld))

Violet Knight: So I'm truly grateful that you fight for the sake of the skies. On the other hand, you've gained too much influence. It's not a good idea to entrust the peace of the Sky Realms to a single pair of hands. Even if you could do it, doesn't mean you should.

goes hand-in-hand with this. as well as the yuni&cosmos anni about captain's role as the singularity. (not to mention the fact msq timeline captain uhhhhh. yknow! with how it ended! where do i even start!). but also violet knight saying this when true king is singlehandedly trying to save the skies too......shoves the role onto captain so he can do stuff from the sidelines cuz otherworld inference in our timeline......

Violet Knight: You say that now, but how far would you go to save a friend? I have to wonder where you draw the line. Let's say—and I'm speaking hypothetically here—sacrifices have to be made in order to save you friends. What would you do? what if those sacrifices included me and my family? Rosetta: Well— Violet Knight: You see? No hesitation at all. Look, you're more than welcome to put your priorities first. If we swapped places and I had to choose, I'd throw you to the wolves. That's the beauty of power: choice. The right to choose what to protect and what to reject. The world is your oyster. Second-rate folks get the opposite treatment. They don't even get the chance to choose. Not out of maliciousness, mind you. That's just how it goes. Makes you nervous when I put it that way, doesn't it? It's not a novel concept, nor is it strictly limited to physical power.

haha. hehe. hahahahahah... freesia who we fought so she couldnt rewrite history using akasha. we who are about to try to revive what the otherworld killed. (noa voice) well theres the fizzure in the sky and thats not normal and we should fix that anyway so

i forgot he spoke about 'how far would u go to save a friend' im gonna combust. i was thinking a lot about that one line in maquia too....'why didnt time stop for you'. the way they make a point to show every island suffered but its citizens are doing its best to keep going. cain whos grieving leona and reinhardtzar. vira whos grieving katalina. captain, lyria and vyrn who cant seem to move forward. im glad they didnt show us tzaka reacting to io (assuming tzakas alive), cuz that would have broken me. like it haunts me cuz theyre always trying sooo hard to keep going, but after losing the crew (and i fear for everyone who has not been shown onscreen) and having to grieve this many ppl, to the point where captain loses sight of estalucia too??? man.

i think its fine for us to go try to undo all the damage the otherworld did, one timeline is completely destroyed anyway. everyone died there too. captain died there. but thinking about how its shifting too 'lets go to estalucia cuz theres rumor it can grant wishes' and how estalucia & the boundary....... as well as how og god is there...... i have sooo many thoughts about it. like i appreciate noa trying to steer it in the 'we need to get rid of the crack in the sky the otherworld created' direction but we r going there to revive ppl. cuz we dont want to move on. im going to combust pt2. im enjoying myself sm its unreal

[adelrambles]

I have a question and I’m SO sorry if it’s too personal - please disregard.

But as someone who is aro and/or ace, do you still enjoy reading romances/even smut? Or is it incredibly uninteresting or weird to you?

Haha no worries I don't mind answering! I don't mind romance at all, I even get really into some of them, but I'm REALLY picky about it. If I don't find the romance narratively interesting it tends to annoy me when it takes away "screentime" from concepts that actually are. Having said that, idk if that's the aroace in me, or the literary snob. Or maybe both loL

But some people can write some RIDICULOUSLY engaging romances, and I am SO here for it. At its base, the concept of taking two (or more) characters who are interesting and engaging on their own, and then putting them together and exploring every aspect of that can be absolutely fascinating. It's a good vehicle to really get into each's head, what they want from a partnership, how their flaws grate on one another, what their dynamic looks like and if it changes. I especially enjoy when things don't work out in the end. We have so many romances where everything is sweet and fluffy and goes off without a hitch and like sure, I get the appeal, but man when something takes it a different direction and just uses romance to raze these characters to the ground MAN it hits different. In the end I think the key is that both (or more) characters have to be interesting on their own, first, so then you can play chemist to see what kind of explosion happens when you throw them together (also, it makes it clearer to understand why these guys might want to be together in the firstplace, yknow?)

I'm very much not into smut, though, sorry to say. Moreso on the uninteresting side, I get why people might like it, it just doesn't interest me at all.

[umi-journal]

#010

hi journal, double-post! sorry my heart feels a little heavy. its nothing serious but i would like to write it out so i hopefully feel lighter. i worked very hard on some contributions on a wiki, but im afraid it ended up making more work for others than that it helped out. it makes me feel bad. two people commented that my work had errors in it and someone else that they had to rework it quite a bit (reordering). i worked a lot of hours on it so i felt really bad. i put in all those hours and i still did a bad job apparently. i feel kind of ashamed.

im glad they told me bc i dont want to repeat mistakes, and i know they dont do it to embarrass me. but i still feel a little sad and embarrassed. maybe ill go cry it out a little later. its also a bit embarrassing when someone else comes on my page and sees how i messed up. i mean theres nothing really to be ashamed about, everyone makes mistakes. but yknow. being human just makes you worry about pointless things.

aahhh im embarrassed im embarrassed i feel bad. i shouldnt have put myself out there. but no i shouldve, bc i care deeply about the franchise and im grateful for the wiki maintainers. id love to help as much as i can. but being in public is scary. i know this is a little silly. i hope i can later go back to this post and think, cmon umi was it really that bad? and laugh at it. but for now i feel a little heavy.

its good that im putting myself out there.... to be around people. and i think these are steps into overcoming social anxiety. maybe i say sorry too much. some people find that annoying.... ive always said sorry too much. but maybe i want to say sorry, and maybe it makes me feel better! thats some kind of rebellion!! no i wont stop saying sorry! ha! take that!!!!

im rambling at this point hehe... sorry!! end of entry!

[coughybean]

a probably insignificant letter to unus annus

yknow, i dont even know how to start this letter. i know thisll never reach either of you, mark and ethan, but i feel like its worth writing anyway. maybe i’ll have some memories to look back on once the clock reaches 0.

this channel has changed my fucking life.

when i first found out about it, the channel maybe had 200 days left? i dont clearly remember but i watched my first video and laughed. really fucking hard. a couple videos later, i realized what mark and ethan were doing with the channel, and i started watching more and more, making art, interacting with fans, even ordering some merch, and time just flew by, and there’s just one day left. i’m not even fully processing they’re gonna be gone yet.

but let me tell you why unus annus changed my life. cause i haven’t gotten to that part yet.

for one, this channel has made me laughed when nothing else could. life’s been rough for me lately, with 2020 being what it is, so i’ve been really stressed and snappy lately. but unus annus has calmed me down, and comforted me, and kept me company, and even made me laugh through the worst fucking times. and i’m eternally grateful for that, the laughter this channel gave me.

i’m also very clingy, for reasons i will touch on later in this letter, and i tend to be very bad at letting go of people once we’ve established a friendship. even if there’s fucking red flags everywhere. the message of unus annus is that nothing lasts forever, all good things must come to an end. the lesson of unus annus has taught me not to constantly await the end where someone will leave me, but enjoy the present moment and be happy with what i have.

okay, i’ll admit this. i originally started watching this channel for mark. mark had always been a favorite youtuber of mine from his try not to laugh challenges, so the moment i saw him in this video, i was hooked. but over time, ethan began to stick out to me more. ethan’s a fucking weirdo gremlin, who’s crazy, and hyper, and he just has this colorful personality that i love. i saw myself in him, and he slowly became my favorite. (yeah im an unus suck it annuses /j) i later learned ethan has adhd, and he’s very open about it, which inspired me more, because i have autism and possibly adhd and i’m very insecure about it. i look up to ethan a lot because of that. but going back to me seeing myself in him? most of the people i’ve made friends with throughout my life think i’m really fucking annoying. and i slowly began to hate myself for all these traits that people didn’t like. and i became very clingy to the people that did stay, causing a plethora of other issues. but seeing people love ethan gave me a little faith that maybe people could see the good in these traits that i hated. and i began to love myself a little more. and i think that’s the most powerful imprint unus annus has left on me, to this day. this very last day.

so yeah. unus annus has helped me a lot, with countless shit, and this is my way of saying thank you. thank you. thank you for everything. the laughs, the memories, the love, the ticking clock that has taught me about life.

and thank you to the community. you people are fucking lovely, and i wish i could’ve met more of you before this clock stops ticking.

thank you. all of you.

memento mori.

unus annus.

[janexeu]

     though the mist might prevent some from seeing it, JANE MÁRQUEZ is actually a descendent of HYPNOS. it’s still a question of whether or not the TWENTY-SIX year old DEMIGOD ELEMENTARY EDUCATION MAJOR from NEW ORLEANS, USA has taken after HER godly parent completely, but the demigod is still known to be quite SACRIFICIAL & STUBBORN.

( she’s b-b-b-back on her bs : katya ! tis uhm ,,,, a lil bit of a chonk of an intro but ill try 2 b cute w it. any time u wanna yeet jus peep the gif again & forgive me bc Look At Her ! )

POWERS ( more info here )

hypnokinesis  — p much made her a glorified babysitter w lynch-esque wacko dreams. it got stronger naturally as she got older, but jus w herself n eventually the ppl shes real close w. its also gotten a lot better since comin to eonia 

seeing gods in dreams  — she doesnt hang out w em every fridays at tgifs but like ,,, if she had Pertinent Questions she cud smhw make it happen. found out abt her being a demigod at age 10 when she met hypnos

memory retrieval — shes got great memry of her own but bc she knows it can help w grief n all that, shes been learnin in eonia how to do it 4 others if they mayb wanted it

BIO POINTS 

her single ma died during childbirth so jane's been in the foster care system since 5ever. attempts at reunification nvr worked out but thankfully she got real lucky w her group home and foster families. twas stable enough to not emotionally scar her even further but the instability of it all was fosho a big ol’ lot and has influenced her rigidness in sum aspects of her life

she lived p much as a mortal even tho her powers r a lil freaky. never went to camp but it worked out bc all her abilities r internal and cannot be Perceived by others. she had a talk w hypnos abt what 2 do n he mentioned camps but also gave sum monster avoidance tips ( like rarely use ur powers, maybe learn self defense, yada yada ) n she jus ,,, did that so she cud continue livin real normal w the mortals. logistics of camp stressed her out esp bc shes livin w non-family n stuff yk it was All Too Much, miss her w the added demigod stress tyvm

got married at 23 to her childhood sweetums luis, but he ,,, died abt a yr later fr a car accident. coma for 2 weeks n jane p much slept the entire time in his hospital room, visitin his dreams n talkin to him. twas a life support sitch so they eventually decided to pull da plug whch was real sad but like she's processed it 2 da best of her abilities. her powers helped a lot in the coping too n she visits memories of him in her dreams smtms when it gets real sad then shes ok again bc life goes on n life is pretty uwu

bc of her bg round kids of all kinds, shes always been passionate abt em. always takin babysittin/tutor gigs and went to community college so she cud teach n then worked as an elem teacher. only started considerin goin 2 eonia 4 postgrad when she had a student who showed signs n strugglez of bein a demigod. she eventually got to talk to their godly parent 2 confirm n she was shocked pikachu meme, real concerned for all those youngins who hav no clue what to do ! or how to cope ! bc they cant facetime w the olympians lyk she can ! so cue her discussin eonia w luis a lot then a year after the accident, broke out the pro-con list again. took abt *checks watch* another yr til she finally decided to zoom 2 athens but then whoosh she did !

PERSONALITY

yearning ? idk her — shes can be a bit of a take it as is typa chick. can be a lil literal jsksj not dumb but like ,,, def doesnt read into things enuff to pine n long n year yk. some things might def fly over her head. she says Yes To Serotonin in this house. she dk the the mitskis n the sikens n the carsons ; its all mary oliver up in this joint. we just tryna luv life n be grateful folkz

le freak, say chic ! — control freak, that is. growin up in an unstable envi meant shed cling 2 stability n independence, wrvr she cud get it. so when it comes 2 the way she does things, she can be real a heel digger. also bc she has 2 deal w kids yk so it can b A Lot n shes v stern lyk dat. ofc she wont infantilize the eonians .,,,. or will she ? big sis vibes outta control. she means well tho always always means well. itll also b v hard to get her 2 giv up on sum1 bc life ? she luvs it n knows u can too

changes by david bowie — is decidedly skipped on the playlist. she doesnt like change !!! i mean she knows its inevitable but still not entire unavoidable. ever since she got out of the system, shes had a partner n her own way of doing things n its been workin out so why change it yk ? she says time may change me but jokes on u i can sorta trace time 

rip but im different — this goes out to all em whores in this house. she respectz ur hustle but like ,,,, not her thang. girl doesnt even get drunk when she drinks bc she doesnt rlly drink sksjsk doesnt like the taste of it, big baby ! but like she's Lived, its more like. ok tried it, not for me. thanks tho. also for all the meanies in the house, y’all perplex her. shes empathetic n wont show the judgement but smtms shes lowkey lyk .,., ur how old n u had all this goin 4 u n ur still so rotten ? how u actin like a 7yo w a trantrum ? scratch head, make it make sense

at least u tried — dad jokes, bad puns, tries to be big jokester but isn't funny. she's pretty tho so she gets away with it. idk wht else 2 say ur honor. shes the type thatll embarrass u w affection

well that was Awkward — probably sum1 abt her if  they see her actin a Fool bc shes in a foreign sitch or topic. when shes a fish outta water then she can be so ! easily ! flustered ! which is p much her in eonia. shes not new new but theres way 2 much godly shennanigans for her to wrap her head ‘round n sis has never gone to camp so its ice bucket challenge level shock from time to time still w da magics n lore

til death do us part — yknow when death cab for cutie said i knew that u wer a truth i wud rather lose than 2 hav nvr lain beside at all ? how abt when they wrecked me by rudely sayin love is watching sum1 die ? yes ? no ? nywy thats jane 4 ya. if she loves then shes in and if shes in then she is all in, luke danes stylez

was that a vivid enough picture or did i just word vom the same things agen n agen sjksjs jus know shes cute n sweet if a lil frustrating n annoying bc shes stubbornpants mcgee. may or may not have a slight compulsion to help fix other ppl ..,,.. someone set her str8 n tell her fix u by coldplay isnt it !!!  

OTHER INFO 

5′9″ born 4 october 1994, virgo sun n moon

not a freshie ! idk how long her program is but like ,,, lets ignore that 4 now ok jus kno that she been here a while

yogi & boxing enthusiast back at home. hc her mans got real into the martial arts w her when hypnos told her she gotta learn how 2 defend so that was one of their things : bonding by workouts so jane cud protecc herself if need be

her maiden name’s jane fulton. got her mommas surname but the name jane ? thats some jane doe bs some rando picked out for her which she hated at first but then seeing tarzan made her go hmmm, ok bet !

lgbtq+ alliance president ! identifies as pan

she met her late hubbie when they were abt 7ish, real friends 2 lovers cuteness. jane was there for him throughout his entire coming out & transition ergo her passion for the community esp queer kids bc she was That Cis Ally for her mans. wears her ring as a real lowkey necklace now

shes also real passionate abt sleep. will ask u how did u sleep last night p much every day u see her bc ppl spend like half their lives asleep catherine ofc shes gonna ask

her fave thing abt eonia ?  the whole siblings bit. shes had 2 make do w what she got n build a family from scratch so this ? she luvs it a lot let her give u kithes hypnos babies

shes p well versed in the greek thingies but only thru the knowledge mortals gets + dream info. after her realizin who she is, all things ancient greek jus sorta became her niche interest ykwim ? shes not like Super Learned abt it more like ,,, ok i gotta at least make Sum sense outta all this, gotta learn what i can. imagin how embarrassin it wud b 2 see a god in ur dream n then go : sorry to this man. nope. not jane, not her, nuh-uh 

luv languages : words, acts of service, physical touch !

useless hcs but she loves disney sfm ok. smtms dresses up as princess tiana for bday parties n shit bc shell do nythin 2 put a smile on the kids n babs faces

ya like jazz ? bc jane surely does ! adores motown & 60s music. nina simone owns her. no one drag peggy lee from 101 dalmatians ! not an important hc but i jus wanted to quote my bubble butt winged bee lover barry

POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS

children ! infants ! babies !

demigods that make her scratch head damn u live like this ? but also wud knife emoji to protect n care for. shes not the oldest on campus but shes been livin independently p much her entire life so she finks shes got a tight grasp on the myth that is Adulting  

srsly tho the Big Sis vibes is off the charts w this one. shell perserve u dumdums

baddie influencies !

convince her 2 get drunk at a party ! bc she never does. convince her to maybe try drugs ! or go hook up ! do smths impulsive idk jus smth new !

gl tho bc shes not rlly ,,, easily influenced But she can b reasoned w ! in general i fink its just gonna be a fun dynamic if y/m knows how to coax sum wildness outta her or w/e bc thotty yummy theyre hotty yolo rzning jus wont do w this gal. will most likely get argumentative like a big ol momma hen but if u win then ur winning big

Sleep Now or forever hold ur peace !

idk sum1 she helps w their messy sleep ? shes def not super public w it, surely knows her other siblings r Better at it but if  y’all are close, she probs enjoys doin it 4 ya. she runs her hair thru fingers a lot when she does it. like a lot a lot unless u tell her to get lost

lover boi, lover gorl, lover enby !

she can be a lil traditional when it comes to how she views rels. she wants all that meetcute courting bs ! no gender roles tho n u best be sure shes not constantly comparin w her late hubbie ,,, but she jus wants smth magical n 2 be wooed again yk ?

so yea ,,, crushers mayhaps ? sum1 who is tryin 2 woo her ? sum1 she had a meetcute w and now janes got lowkey heart eyes for em ? idk lotsa possiblities but pls keep in mind she is not good at the flirtings so hav mercy on her 

eonia tour guide !

or jus friends who like ,,, constnatly fill her in w all the godly stuff n whatnot. years of not goin 2 camps mean u miss out on a lot ! explore ruins w her n get her info her mortal educ didnt make her privy 2 yk 

head real empty atm i will think of sum n let y’all know when i do, but give us all the conekshunz. friends, enemies, the usual bit, lgbtq alliance peeps, lmk whats up whats done whats cookin we want it all

( shes p much a new muse n da result of me tryna bring in an emotionally healthy kid to this sad sad university. janes in a v good well-adjusted place rn n is my therapy muse bc that other bitch m** is a messy handful. but wbk life aint linear so mayhaps shit’ll hit da fan or one of y/m will ruin her lmfao press f pls ! but also color me eyes emoji bc we love to see it )

[awisa-moved]

hey i love your posts about sufjan stevens and was wondering what your thoughts on the predatory wasps of the palisades are? idk if youve posted about it before but id love to hear your take on the song

ok ok this makes me so happy u wanna hear my thoughts on predatory wasp cuz i sincerely just. love it so much thank u <3

i think it’s sad because it makes you think of the “what ifs” while being incredibly innocent in its lyrics. he sings about summer, pretending to be asleep, lake swimming  .. it’s very vivid and idk he just has such a way with describing the simplest things with so much feeling and love lmao. the narrator was in love with his friend, they were both in love, and after he kissed him his friend left. maybe he disappeared because of the kiss, maybe he disappeared cuz it’s summer camp and you’re just not gonna stay in touch with everyone u meet cuz thats life. but the narrator doesn’t sound regretful even though it Does hurt which is expressed through the wasp. 

in tone it’s very upbeat, which makes it feel almost deceptively happy at first? not that it can’t be interpreted as happy, but it ends with the same conclusion of “my friend ran away” as kill from a sun came does, but in a retrospective way that feels grateful for the experience. there could have been more between the two boys but their love ended abruptly, just as the song’s final hallelujah in the last verse gets cut off. the repeating of “we were in love […] i can wait” is especially emotional, since it’s so happy and hopeful and affirming! it wasn’t a one sided crush, they were friends and in love, and presumably that fell apart after the kiss. instrumentally it’s brilliant. the song is very calm until after the fourth verse with the “touching his back with my hand i kiss him” line. the music picks up, and it jsut .. sounds amazing? it’s explosive and theatric and so incredibly good for my ears, and really feels like the excitement of having a new love.

the motif of the wasp is very clear and appears three times in the song: while he’s falling asleep in the first verse (which initially i just see as a setup of the story but the imagery of a wasp creeping in your bedroom at night while you want to sleep is a bit anxious right?), on his arm during the kiss, and “terrible sting, terrible storm”. there’s also the line “there on his shoulder my best friend is bit seven times”, again talking about the physical pain. the number seven is of course significant and is supposed to signify divinity and god in christianity; i however have no knowledge of christianity (ironically perhaps, considering how heavy his christian imagery can get) and its motifs so i can’t really comment on that part, but, yknow. bugs and pain. and i think wasps are fuckin scary dude. they’re fast and annoying and all u really know abt them when ur little is they dont die after they sting u like a bee would. they’re a natural part of summers spent outside, so not especially significant yet it’s a reoccurring part of the song. ofc and the title is “the predatory wasp of the palisades” which also makes me think of yknow feeling weird and predatory for having gay feelings especially when ur young. the wasp brings anxiety, the wasp brings pain to the narrator in multiple ways, this wasp is fucking predatory and a pain in the ass!!!

in the end, it’s not the narrator telling the story as it happens but reminiscing about it (”i can tell you – the telling gets old”) with no shame (”trusting things beyond mistake”). which.. i love! so many of his songs with gay themes are tragic or just plain sad (which reminds me of how he wrote with my whole heart on his pride ep as a personal challenge to “write an upbeat and sincere love song without conflict, anxiety, or self-deprecation” which is fucking hilarious and accurate). predatory wasp is sad yes, but in the cheesy type of way where you miss a person or at least what they used to be like and you miss the way you felt and the brand new experiences. it’s sad that it’s over, but what can you do but be happy that you at least felt it, both the good and the bad parts?

when looking at songs i try to just think of them as stories and detach the artist from the narrator of the song, for sufjan’s work especially since a lot of his projects are concept albums and not necessarily autobiographical. but i love love love the live recordings of this and the little story he tells before it, always the same story at it’s core (methodist summer camp, hung out the entire time with this boy, wandered into the woods and saw a giant wasp and ran back to the camp) but with little details changed and dramatized every time. in venus, from the planetarium album, he sings about love and lust and brings up methodist summer camp and in two separate interviews that were years apart talked about “most profound spiritual and sexual experiences” being at a .. methodist summer camp. and he does not repeat stuff in his discography very often, if at all 🙄

anyways, yeah. in conclusion it’s about love and being gay and in love 

[starrysamu]

IT'S OKAY I LIKE TO TALK A LOT TOO,,, I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE I END UP MY FOLLOWERS GET ANNOYED AT ME (and then when no one likes it i'm like lol im RIGHT. I MEAN SOMETIMES PEOPLE DO BUT YKNOW KASHFDJKADSHF) anyway. IT'S CUTE AHAHAH i find people's texting habits and how what we write could mean something else to other people so i always try to figure out what other people may mean from it when it's osmething more unique to them. like your pouting heheh lowkey i imagine like suga's pout lol (1/3)⭐️

+ AH yes. I feel like i toe that line of writing for me + wanting to put something out a little too close. sometime's im not even sure what im actually doing it for,,,, if that makes sense lol. ALSO SOMETIMES IT JUST BE LIKE THAT. tbh i find that part of writing so much more fun. having a sorta outline for something but the story has a mind of its own and you're like why. LOL AND YEAH sometimes i feel bad if i dont give a fic my full attention it deserves ahh. I STILL HAVEN'T LISTENED BTW (2/3) ⭐️

+ i still haven't listened ,,, i have to be in the right mood too ahh sowwwyy. ALSO DW ABOUT REPLYING LATE LOL IT'S OKAY. also omg i dont know if you remember how i have like a similar situation with samu and y/n in next time? the guy i knew from hs and i are talking a lot more rn and i definitely feel y/n because everytime i talk to him it's like "he's exactly like he was in hs, nothing's changed" but also luckily we don't have feelings for each other (,,, this is debatable lol) anyway (3/3) ⭐️

+ Okay this is just a random thought from me before I sleep but LOL. It is genuinely so easy to talk to you 🥺🥺 like I’m kinda shook but that’s more so because I’m AWKWARD LOL. I think it’s because of the fact that you talk a lot and I like to talk a lot so when people give me short responses or something I’m like 😗 okay ABSKAJD. Plus there’s more for me to respond to lol -⭐️

HH I’VE ALWAYS BEEN WORRIED ABOUT ANNOYING PEOPLE .... unfortunately that is not enough to stop me i think hhhshdhs and u might possibly be quite right with suga’s pouting u just might be making points i think yep yep yep idk i think frowny faces are very versatile HAHAH

and yeah no i get what ur saying!!! like sometimes when i’m writing i don’t really feel like myself, or like can’t find the reason i’m doing it. usually those get scrapped, but just always remember that u should do this for u man!!! otherwise it just gets draining and unenjoyable :/ 

and NOOO THAT’S OKAY. i have a few more asks about songs actually and i just haven’t gotten around to listening to them mainly because i’ve been busy/am not in the mood so i definitely feel u!! don’t even worry no rush :3 

and YES i rmr u telling me about this!!!! oh??? debatable i hear??? i don’t wanna say it’s super cool that you can relate to yn bc she’s just. going thru a lot. but i hope that ur story goes a lot better than the way yn and osamu’s is rn HHHHH but i promise it’ll all be worth it story-wise ...... irl wise??? not too sure if he hurt u i’m willing to throw hands thru my screen i will fr  

and that’s so cute wtf SHUT UP ): i literally always get worried i’m talking too much or annoying ppl and sometimes my irls do not want to hear me talk either so im like . okay .. but this is really cute to hear thank u so much pls ): and IT’S HARD TO TALK TO PEOPLE SOMETIMES!! maybe like the vibes just aren’t right, or something just feels off, or maybe people are just busy or shy too so i feel u!! i’m really grateful to have your company though ur adorbs ): 

[franeridart]

Did you know @boku-no-headcanons made cannons for your bakushimanari art?

Nope, this is the first I heard of it! But as long as they’re not reposting my stuff they can do whatever, I’m happy my stuff can inspire them! 

Anon said: saw u in youtube rewind congrats

.................. are you sure this ask was meant for me?

Anon said:I tried to message you, I found some accounts using your art if you're interested in knowing who they are :/ 

Anon said:@sweetheart_kirishima on instagram posted your art without credit.

Unless it’s tumblr, which has a form I can fill specifically for reposts to have the thing taken down, I can’t actually do anything even if you guys tell me. It’s... frustrating, cause you’d think by this point such popular social media sites/apps would have some way for preventing art thefts, but they got no report option that can be used for art unless I’m the copyright owner - does that apply to fanarts when the characters aren’t mine and I wasn’t authorized by the original author to make them? Probably not. So I can’t do anything for it, not even ask the reposter to be kind and take my art down, cause as I’ve already said I’m not on any of those platforms

So I thank you both a lot for having thought about letting me know, but it’s... sort of useless. If you could ask the reposter on my behalf though I’d be incredibly grateful!

Anon said: your kiribaku childhood friends au give me life tHANK YOU

YOU’RE WELCOME THANK YOU FOR LIKING IT!!!

Anon said: Kiri kind of reminds me of Dave with his hair like that! (They would look great together now i think about it haha) I love you and your art, I hope you enjoy creating it as much as i like to look at it :) xx

Thank you!!!!! And yeah, the mohawk is still a mohawk after all isn’t it haha Dav’s is less tidy tho, cause he’s a s l o b (not really)

Anon said:yknow how people have hunkspirations to get fit? your art is my hunkspiration to draw

That’s so nice!!! holy smokes!!!!! I hope your arting is going great, anon!!!

Anon said:the new chapter has me crying over bakukami omfg these lo s e RS I'm so glad they're friends

WHAT A MOOD THO

Anon said:HELLO, YES, I'D LIKE MY HEART BACK PLEASE BECAUSE YOU JUST WRECKED IT WITH YOUR CHILDHOOD FRIENDS AU. Kiri is so pretty in it, like oh wow, and Bakugou's brilliant and I LOVE IT. (Also 'manly shit' and 'Katsu,' just slay me now so this happiness never fades).

Ahhhhhh I’m happy you liked it!!!!!!!! And yah Kiri calling Bakugou Katsu is a weakness of mine, did you know that? Maybe you noticed since I always have him do that haha it’s cause it’s written with the kanji for victory! Isn’t that a manly nickname? I like to think Kiri would like it for that haha

Anon said: I love how often (from reading the tags on your art) it's like "oops my hand slipped and now you get some krbk instead of something else" lol

It does happen incredibly often! By now they’re so comfortable to draw for me that I end up drawing them without even realizing haha that’s what happens when you spend a year and a half drawing always the same two kids lol

Anon said:Ah Fran I love your glasses Bakugou so much! Ever since Kami added those shades to his hero costume it has me convinced he'd be so ridiculously cute in glasses too! I hope you enjoy that adorable mental image :)

You mean Kami? He sure would! Kiri would too! Sero also!!! MINA TOO!!!!! Actually we have canon Mina with glasses I think

yup, what a beauty haha

Anon said:Your kiribaku childhood AU killed me! I just wanted to ask: in your opinion if Kiri&Baku met in middle school do you think they’d be friends? Baku has a habit of rejecting anyone who’s “weaker” than him &seeing how kiri was do you think they’d be friends? Or Baku not noticing kiri until he’s his equal?Or maybe having a crush on the cute black haired kid but never doing anything about it? Baku Rejecting kiri if he tried to confess to him?Sorry this is long but I just love your perception of them!

Whether they’d like each other/get along would depends on at which point and in which way they’d meet, I guess! Middle school was a complicated period for both of them, so it really depends - a few examples of how it could go are

they meet cause they frequent the same middle school - that implies they meet during the first year, when Bakugou was still full on bully/cocky asshole. Kirishima probably wouldn’t like him much because of it, would try to fight him. Bakugou might find him annoying/get pissed at how he thinks himself good enough to fight him. Definitely wouldn’t get along at first, might change their minds as they get to know each other or just keep on having a shitty relationship forever. I find more beliavable the first, since they do have really compatible personalities, but Bakugou was really convinced of his position as above everyone else back then and Kirishima would have never let him act like he was better than him without putting up a fight, so maybe not. Might actually fuck up their relationship in highschool too, really

they frequent different middle school, but happen to see each other outside of school before the sludge incident - if they were to meet cause Kirishima got in the middle of Bakugou bullying Deku, not much would change from option one. But if they were to meet for unrelated reasons, they could get along - Kirishima might think Bakugou manly, Bakugou might appreciate Kirishima’s guts (as long as Kiri doesn’t try to fight him). At first the relationship would definitely be unbalanced, because Kirishima would have no way of proving to Bakugou he’s at his same level since he wouldn’t be, but with time this might change. I can see Kirishima throwing himself at random bullies and Bakugou sighing and sometimes waiting for Kirishima to get his ass beat so maybe he’ll learn while other times lazily strolling up till he’s standing next to Kirishima to scare the bullies away. Bakugou’s... Bakugouness might do something to Kirishima’s self-esteem and could have him have his breakdown sooner, but by that point Bakugou might like him enough to do something about it. Or not. He’s still a cocky and self-centered ass at this point, after all. Kirishima’s presence might help with his bullying habit. Or not. Again, still an egoistical and egocentrical fucker at that point. Worse comes to worst, their relationship starts becoming more equal after the sludge incident/kiri seeing gigantomachia

they frequent different middle schools, but meet outside of school after the sludge incident but before kiri sees gigantomachia - this is probably my favorite one as far as them meeting in middle school goes. Bakugou at this point is questioning if he’s actually as strong as he always assumed he was, starting to feel like he needs to prove his worth to the world and himself, while Kirishima is still convinced he’s plain and weak, too scared to actually voice his dreams, but still tries to do his best and help those in need in front of him. If they were to meet at this point, Bakugou might actually find something to admire in Kirishima, find strength in him even - with the down-to-earth optimism and practical positivity, aware of reality but working to fix what he can, not letting circumstances and defeats bring him down. It might help Bakugou put into perspective the sludge incident, instead of just dwelling on it till it became a bomb ready to explode. Kiri would find Bakugou manly and cool, just like in canon, and they’d be able to build a relationship on equal grounds - Kirishima might even open up to him about how he wishes to try for UA, but he’s nearly sure he’s gonna fail. Bakugou might tell him that as he is right now he’s gonna fail for sure. He might also tell him that a quirk is like a muscle, and muscles get stronger if you train them, so just fucking stop wasting time and train yourself till your quirk is worth something, for fuck sake. By the time the event of Kiri’s backstory roll around, Bakugou might actually be there to hold Kirishima up and not let him go through it by himself. I dunno about crushes, but I do love this scenario and the relationship they’d end up having because of it

they frequent different schools, meet after Kirishima’s meeting with gigantomachia - there wouldn’t be many differences compared to the canon version of their meeting, I think. Bakugou might be a little more subdued, maybe, but generally it’d be the same.

these are just real general cathegories, depending on how the meeting unfolds anything might happen so really, who knows - there’s too many possibilities to be sure of anything, really haha

Anon said:fran ur art its so cute ty for posting it!!! also i just wanna say i think your art has improved so much since i started to follow you!! the first drawings of yours i saw were your old aokaga and i think really youve improved a lot!! (not that you were bad at first but your style has evolved?? idk a good word for it but its not meant as a Bad thing)

Lmao no anon, don’t worry, I was really, really bad back then. It was like, super terrible. I’m glad you think I’ve improved though!!!! This sort of asks mean a whole damn lot to me, make it worth keeping on drawing haha thank you!!

Anon said:i gotta admit, after checking out sero's quirk i can only think: pranks. esp with the double-sided tape trick

Have you ever seen this comic holy fuck hahaha

Anon said:i read that fic by newamsterdam a while back and can't stop thinking about it!!!!

Best fic I’m following at the moment honestly!!!

Anon said:Hi I love your art! It's absolutely amazing and your comics are SO cute!! I hope you have a wonderful day!~

THANK YOU!!!! I hope you’ll have a super wonderful day too!!!!

Anon said:your kirbaku/bakushima is just so nice and lovely??? and your art style is great adorable??? gdfljwblk thenks for mi life

You’re SO SWEET!!!! Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *holds*

Anon said:The line work in your drawings lately is looking even smoother and more refined than before! :)

.....................I actually feel like I’m getting super effin sloppy so??? I guess hearing this feels good???? Like oh I’m not actually as much of a mess as I thought haha thank you for the compliment!!!! :D

Anon said:Do you think Bakugou would ever say babe or other sweet nicknames?

Yah I think so. Like, not all nicknames, like “honey” probably never or “sweetheart” highly umprobable, but babe or gorgeous/handsome/beautiful or love, I can see him using those! Mostly cause Mitsuki’s personality was obviously based on Bakugou and she calls Masaru “dear”, so I think Bakugou does have the... predisposition for it, let’s say it like that haha he might more whisper them/keep them private, but I do think he’d use them~

Anon said:You're so good at emitting moods/vibes through your art?? Like, every single time you just... Idk what kind of magic you... I love you??? You turn me to putty Fran.

sob this is such a nice ask oh my god, thank you so much!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Everytime I see your art on my dash it makes me smile, there's something inherently cheerful about your art style. Love it

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! That’s the best think I could have ever been told about my style, I’m super glad you see it like this!!!! 

Anon said:omg you don't understand how much i love your art !!! i mean i check you blog everyday to see if you posted something and when you do i'm always so happy, it put me in a good mood everytime i don't know how you do it but i love it !!!! also the way you draw smiles is so cute :D

THANK YOU LOTS OH MY GOD!!!!!! AHHH!!!! making people smile is the best thing ever!!! I’m!!!!!!!!!! happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D now I’m smiling hahaha

Anon said:how does... is... clothing folds?!?!

B o y anon I’m terribly sorry but........... the horrible secret is that I don’t know what the hell I’m doing when I draw clothes’ folds. Like, at all. All I keep in mind while going at it is that gravity is a thing and clothes are affected by it too, and that’s about it ;;; I’m incredibly sorry, but I’m pretty sure someone that actually knows what they’re doing would look at my stuff and see a lot of mistakes, so maybe it’s best if I don’t give tips about this to anyone, least I spread more misinformation than anything else orz I’m sure there’s good tutorials for it around, tho!!

Anon said:Will we ever see more comics of the poly au with bokuto, kuroo and terushima? I binged those comics and LOVED it

Probably not, sorry orz posting for hq lately is... making me sad, in the long run, so hq comics might not come around for a long time, from me. Too much time I should spend on them. Dunno about simple art tho, it’s a maybe for that! And thank you for liking the series!!!!

Anon said:As soon as I saw u added the kekkai sensen art sticker to redbubble I bought it omg bless 💕

THANK YOU SO MUCH HOLY HECK!!!!

Anon said:any chance we could expect more of kirishima's shy senpai? absolutely no pressure! i'm honestly just curious since you seemed fond of him a while back. :)

And I still am! I’ll for sure draw more of him soon enough, don’t worry!

Anon said:I'm sooo sad :'( I wanted to buy a mobile case from you but it's just for iPhone.... I love you art so much *-*

There’s for both iPhones and Samsung, actually! But if you have another brand then it’s no good ;;; sorry ;;;;;;;;;;;;

[jooniez]

hey!!! i'm so sorry i haven't messaged you in awhile :( this week has been kinda hectic but i missed you and ily! i have so much i want to talk to you about so let's start with the BLACK SWAN PERFORMANCE?????!!! IT WAS SO WONDERFUL I WASN'T PREPARED FOR IT ALL. i love the choreography for it so much and their outfits were *chef's kiss* i also liked how they were barefoot, i think that was a nice touch! the performance makes me even more excited to see what the rest of the album is –🍒 (1/?)

going to be like! since black swan isn’t even the lead single, it makes me even more nervous for what the lead single is going to sound like and what the choreography will be like! i’m excited but i don’t know how i’ll survive it. what are your thoughts on the black swan performance??? also i want to talk about the rest of james corden. i loved the interview, they seemed so comfortable and they were sooo adorable. and they played hide and seek with ashton kutcher!!!! –🍒 (2/?)one of my favorite parts of it was when ashton found seokjin and carried him over his shoulder sjafdajfa i literally died. and the way he carried jimin too!!! also i’m jealous that james got to hold taegi’s hands :(((( like honestly it made me so soft :( what are your thoughts on everything??? also i’m pretty sure we’re getting carpool karaoke so i’m excited for that! sorry this was so long but i just have so many thoughts fajfadsk –🍒 (3/?)AHHHH WAIT I FORGOT TO MENTION EGO!!! WE‘RE GETTING EGO IN 2 DAYS AND IM SO EXCITED FOR IT AHDJSKAKS. who do you think is doing it? i think it could be hobi but i’ve seen a lot of people say jungkook, so i’m honestly not sure what to think at this point –🍒 (4/4)

hi angel!! pls don’t apologize!! you don’t have to message me if you don’t want to, pls don’t feel pressured, especially if you’re busy. I completely understand, college has been kicking my ass as well so I really haven’t been as active on here either 😞 also don’t worry about the length or your asks!! i love talking with u so it wouldn’t bother me even if u sent 50 lol ✨ OH GOD THE BLACK SWAN PERFORMANCE!!! dude i literally got chills, I was just staring at the screen clutching my face because i didnt even know how to respond to such beauty 🥺🖤💫✨ it was honestly better than anything i could’ve imagined, like i knew it would be amazing cause its bts duh, but they really went above and beyond. every time i think there’s no way bts could possibly outdo themselves and every single time they do!!! it’s insane, they truly are the best artists in the world right now, i would even argue the best artists ever but maybe im just biased lol 💕 their outfits were gorgeous, the set was absolutely stunning, like the water effect on the ground + the fact that they were barefoot worked really well and made it that much more beautiful. i loved everything about it and im really grateful to James Corden for giving them such a great stage and really honoring their performance 💖 oh go i know, im so nervous with excitement for the album. the boys are really hyping this album up more so then they’ve done in the past and its k i l l i n g me. im not prepared but im so desperate for the 21st to be here already 😭 but yeah, like you said they all looked so comfortable and happy during the entirety of James Corden, and i think in his vlive tae even said it was his favorite apperance on a talk show so far, and that just makes me so incredibly happy. James is always so sweet with them and makes a effort to include all of them and make them feel comfortable and i really really appreciate that, and im sure the boys do as well. I was laughing so hard at the hide and seek bit oh my god, it was so CUTE!!! and they all looked like they had so much fun, it warms my heart. omgjbhjsbshjs the part where ashton threw jin over his shoulder sent me over the edge it was too funny. and yoongi looked so happy to have his hand held and james was so cute when he put his other hand on top of yoongis as well, it was so sweet omg 😢♥ It’s my favorite american interview/talk show that they’ve done so far and I just want to thank james again for being so great to them 💞 ALSO HE CONFIRMED CARPOOL KARAOKE!!!! so we should be getting that soon. he usually releases it a little while after the actual show & i cannot wait to see it i’ve been waiting for them to do carpool karaoke since they started interviewing in America and now we’re finally getting it!!! im so grateful for all the fun things james is doing with them, its a nice break from all the other annoying western interviews they have to deal with. YES EGO!!! im so excited i honestly forgot about it because of getting back into school but i cant waitjsnkjsnn i really love how bighit actually gave us a schedule for when things are dropping so know we can at least mentally prepare ourselves a bit yknow? everything about this album feels huge, its making me that much more excited 🥺 personally, i think it’ll be hobi because they seem to still be following the intro pattern that they’ve set but who knows!! also, that interesting that people are saying jk??? i wonder why they think that. but regardless of who it is im so excited to hear it!! everything they do is amazing!! but omg if they brought back rapper jk for ego or something i might pass out ……………. 💀

[bythepowerof4]

clea and nick and a very confusing two day argument @nickatnightwalker

[during daisy’s 420 dash shenanigans]

bythepowerof4nnnno dont encourage her this is bad

nickatnightwalkerim encouraging her to be distracted byh being queen of something clea

bythepowerof4noooooo i dont think its gonna work like that shell just try harder

or maybe not i dontt fucking know i dont know anything

nickatnightwalkersame my guy but it was a chance i was willing to take on behalf of all of us

bythepowerof4ok sure great fingers crossed whatEVER

we are all sooo super grateful

nickatnightwalkeroh this is worse

bythepowerof4that wasnnt even a goov fucking burn

bythepowerof4that was so LAME and she thinks she s so SMART and i hate her

and i dont wanna talk about it actually how are you

nickatnightwalkeri am

dying

bythepowerof4Great

nickatnightwalkeri would have gray hair by now if it were possible for me to have melanin

bythepowerof4youre not helping though!!!!! uoure engaging!!!!!

noo ok not my business

this is meant to be chill i want to be chill

nickatnightwalkerjus wait till the bowl goes around again

nickatnightwalkeri was trying to distract her you kmnow thats the only way to stop the daisymobile

bythepowerof4thats not fair you know thats not fair

nickatnightwalkerwhat waiting for the bowl or the daisymobile

bythepowerof4Both duh

nickatnightwalkeryes i know, and, also unfair that this is happening on 420 day or our lord and savior snoop

bythepowerof4its not fair that we have to deal with this whether it happens or not wee could just like walk away from the weird passive aggressive blogging ccrcle right now if we so chose

yeah????

because this isnt FUN nickolas it is not

nickatnightwalkeri personally am having a loads of fun messing with ines

you have to dea l with everything when it happens so this is just a thign

bythepowerof4oh cool great youre just as bad fantastic news

nickatnightwalkerok i did no t and have not publicly read anybody out yet to date

i only do that privatley and only when it suits me

bythepowerof4:/

://////

bythepowerof4look at u ur being a dick right niw!!!!

nickatnightwalkeroh what to ines

im screwing with her

shes trying to fight me

bythepowerof4because this is soo the best way to deal with that sort of situation

nickatnightwalkerits just funny idk why shes getting all snaked out of shape

bythepowerof4"hot" you dick????

Youre both being gross now stop it!!!

nickatnightwalkera joke

a JOKE

shes a lesiabn

also just like

no

bythepowerof4its not FUNNY nick

neither of you are funny its weird and annoying and embarrassing

nickatnightwalkershe wants ot punch me bc i sias d bite me

i dondt really feel like imobligagated to take her seriously anymore

besides shes a shit so no t only is it funny to watch her blow a gasket over the same google image snatched pic i also like pissing her off

bythepowerof4u arent obligated to fight w her either but ur doing that,, a lot

idk

Im not making sense

nickatnightwalkerthis is brely a fight

[nothing until nick sends the photo]

bythepowerof4im not mad at you and im not mad at her so can you not tag team revenge for once in your fucking life

we're having an almost genuine conversation for once without you interjecting to make fun of me and pretend play matchmaker for shits and giggles so can you please, please cut it out

nickatnightwalkerim not making fun of you

nickatnightwalkerif i was making fun of you itd be a lot meaner

you should be flattered i even considereed encourragign you to go for daisy

[next day]

bythepowerof4hey!! how are you feeling haha, is ur hair still going grey

bythepowerof4im not trying to act like nothing is bad btw i just wanted to start it off nice sorry :/

nickatnightwalkermy hair's moved past being gray and now it's black, so im inadvertently copying misha again

bythepowerof4lmao this is some goth power play shit love it

nickatnightwalkerwhite haired twink is out 2008 gerard way is in

bythepowerof4as it should be!! do you need eyeliner like i don't have any but it would really make the Look

nickatnightwalkerwhy would i need that when i have dry erase markers to just apply liberally to my face

bythepowerof4so resourceful?? pinterest diy that shit

bythepowerof4we can raid the art rooms, get some glue while we're at it and cut a big chunk out of your hair gel budget

nickatnightwalkerdanger with that is potentially overgluing and making it fragile and breakable like glass

bythepowerof4glass bones and paper skin and glass hair also. got it

i mean youre pretty protective of it already i doubt anyone would notice the difference!!

nickatnightwalkerevery morning i break my legs getting out of bed

bythepowerof4do your heart attacks put you to sleep bc i know that feeling

nickatnightwalkeryeah thats why i sleep like four separate times a day

bythepowerof4and i thought that was just a #relateableteen thing

bythepowerof4so not to be weird but is this like. Chilly lackluster banter or are you actually not mad at me

nickatnightwalkerno im pissed

bythepowerof4ok

can i ask why

nickatnightwalkeri mean well first ya came at me for fucking with you which

like i said

i do but it's obvious

then you were a shit to daisy

so

thats that

bythepowerof4iiii mean. you said you wouldnt do that anymore. and then you did. i was just upset

and im sorry about daisy, i told her that too

bythepowerof4like really sorry!!

i just think its weird that someone can say, threaten to kill her and call her a bitch all the time

and youll date him

but i cant get a little upset when we're all high and im having a super stressful few days!!

nickatnightwalkerdo what anymore

bythepowerof4fuck with me

about her

nickatnightwalkerim not

i havent been

bythepowerof4you did though

bythepowerof4like what else was that picture

nickatnightwalkeryou said she was weird and creepy and i sent a picture of her being cute and sweet

bythepowerof4i said she was ACTING weird and creepy which objectively is an accurate description for someone talking about throbbing tentacle dicks and using the word "quivering" in relation to the nether regions of the girl they beat up for fun

but like, what do i know

i dont think shes weird and creepy and thats not what that photo was about im not an idiot

nickatnightwalkerlisten i frankly think everyone needs to reserve their judgment on the moire and daisy situation because it's clearly very complex and beyond the comprehension of mortal men and none of our fucking business to judge one way or another and, yknow, imho, moire has gills and misha smells like magic and youre 4d so maybe also reserve your fucking judgment on who's weird around here anyway

bythepowerof4i know thats why i apologized

nickatnightwalkershe can say shit like that and still be cute and sweet

bythepowerof4but like i said, high and upset and still getting used to this, so u can forgive me for one slip up surely

nickatnightwalkershe contains motherfucking multitudes

bythepowerof4thats not what you were saying though!! you didnt say that

you sent me a picture trying to make me jealous or something, just like she was saying, because obviously i cant have a private conversation with either one of you

nickatnightwalkerif youre jealous thats your problem

bythepowerof4im NOT

you both keep acting like i am thats not fair!!!

nickatnightwalkeri wasnt youre the one who's fixated on it

dont believe i ever said the j word

bythepowerof4i didnt either!! she did!!!

im not fixated on anything i just want to be able to talk to you without you making it about her all the time

nickatnightwalkerweve occasionally talked about more than daisy im p sure

bythepowerof4:/ you know what i meant

nickatnightwalkerwell this IS about her whether you think im continually screwing with you in some single minded attempt to torment you or not

and im not a fan of someone who says theyre her friend telling her shit like that

bythepowerof4i said SORRY it happens ok!!! i feel really awful about it why do you think i was so upset yesterday?

nickatnightwalkeri dont know dude i was baked

bythepowerof4i didnt know that specific thing upset her so much bc no one gave me a rule book for this shit and im never gonna do it again

nickatnightwalkerok cool

im also deciding rightnow this second i dont care if you believe why i sent the picture or not because youre so dead set on me trying to fuck with you ill never change your mind

and for the record

damians never called her a bitch again

nickatnightwalkerand if he tried to kill her, id be more concerned about scraping enough of him up off the sidewalk to fill a bucket

bythepowerof4youre not even gonna try to understand why i might think that

like i could tell you if u gave enough of a shit to listen yeah

nickatnightwalkeris poor self esteem and daisys difficulty with dropping her persona not the right answer

bythepowerof4not quite but thhanks

for that

nickatnightwalkerthats usually what it is

bythepowerof4ok just. Listen for a sec without jumping in to insult me yeah

bythepowerof4the two of you like, obviously tell each other everything. like u straight up reference shit shes obviously told u n vice versa

and that makes it weird cause it feels like im never talking to just you and thats why its weird when u bring her up bc its like, why wouldnt u just tell her whatever i say!!!

bythepowerof4and u keep saying i have a shot w her and telling me how to impress her when i just wanted to brag about winning chicken it didnt have to be a THING u know???

bythepowerof4but like!!! if ur saying that then she knows and it makes it weird!!! like you do that even when you said youd stop and then she accuses me of being jealous of moire and then you immediately send that picture and u can see how i might think it was a fucking team effort

yeah?????

bythepowerof4its weird and intimidating and im not even friends with her i was obviously fooling myself about that but i thought i was friends with you

like not youtwo as a unit or whatever fake setting me up

ok im done but that was stupid so whatever

nickatnightwalkerwell like 1. i dont tell her everything

i know hard concept but just because we talk about a lot of shit which is, yknow, what one does with friends, it doesnt mean we talk about everything

nickatnightwalkerfor instance: didnt know she said you were jealous of moire

bythepowerof4ok

bythepowerof4i believe you im obviously not that big a deal for u guys to bother talking abt me fine

but u can at least see how i might think that given ur whole thing is acting like ur joined at the hip and ganging up on ppl

u know

nickatnightwalkerwait do you want us to talk about you or not clea

nickatnightwalkershe was upset so she told me, i was pissed so i gave you photographic evidence

of the contrary imean

if i know everything about her then when i say youve got a shot i really think im in the best position to be calling that

bythepowerof4thats the problem!! Bc i clearly dont have a shot we dont even talk that much bc i dont even know how to talk to her and that makes it seem like ur pulling it out of ur ass!

nickatnightwalkereither i know everything about her or i dont make up your mind truong

bythepowerof4youre missing the point ok

nickatnightwalkerif the point isnt me giving you the run around to fuck with you not sure what the point is then

bythepowerof4oh my god

nickatnightwalkeris that not literally what you just said

bythepowerof4that is youre just getting bogged down in dumb shit im saying!!

nickatnightwalkeror dyou have your planes in a knot over us telling each other things like, information, like, sharing information about our lives

bythepowerof4stop that i dont give a shit about how the two of you act i just want you to get that its scary!! and it makes it hard for me and you expect me to be so good at this that the second i fuck up youre coming at methis hard

nickatnightwalkerof course i am shes my best friend and youre her friend so it's way worse than some rando ragging on her

bythepowerof4youre MY friend youre like my best friend here because im a fucking mess and youre getting personal about this and its upsetting me it doesnt have to be this intense???

nickatnightwalkerhurting daisy is always gonna be personal clea

nickatnightwalkerand i get you apologized and thats cool and that could be that but to the best of my fucking understanding im not giving you false hope and tbqh honestly, to be honest, actually, youre a decent fucking person and i have a strong preference that daisy go on coffee dates with someone whos not gonna knock her teeth out of her fucking head

bythepowerof4youre that invested and youve never said a single thing to her about it??

do you see how i might come to doubt that

nickatnightwalkeryeah and what the fuck would i say sorry but your weird hate crush kinda gives me the heebs have you ever considered not acting on that and trying to be relatively normal and healthy instead

bythepowerof4so what i have to do everything

nickatnightwalkeridk if youve noticed this but she doesnt really know what shes doing a lot of the time when shes talking to people so you know how i was talking about effort:: reward? thats where that comes in

bythepowerof4thats not fair

you could have just told her that thing you just said instead of pinning the work on other people without even telling them

nickatnightwalkergenerally speaking i try not to reveal daisys weaknesses to new acquaintances

bythepowerof4thats still not fair

do u even like me or are you seriously just trying to set her up with the least murderous person here

nickatnightwalkerif i didnt like you i wouldnt care if you were the least murderous person here

besides i dont get how you think us talking to each other is weird but you expect me to run interference in every single one of her friendships like, hey, just a heads up, shes got trouble finding the off button on the snarky attitude

like hell wingmanning you is pretty much the limit of what i can justify

bythepowerof4i dont expect you to do anything ive told you plenty of times that that shouldnt be your job

youre the one whos apparently been trying to invent a friendship where there isnt one?? forgive me for feeling kind of skeeved

nickatnightwalkeri was under the impression that you WERE friends

not sure when you stopped being friends actually

i KNOW shes doing her best to be less

bad

around you

bythepowerof4:/

nickatnightwalkerwhat

bythepowerof4i didnt wanna say "relationship" tbh bc there definitely isnt one of those

nickatnightwalkeroh haha relatable but look

i saw something good happening there with regards to daisy makin a human connection and i was trying my motherfucking utmost to encourage it

bythepowerof4ok but. its not a genuine human connection if youre there right

thats not very organic its just uncomfortable and confusing

i appreciate your help i guess but it was clearly more for her benefit than mine and that doesnt feel great?

nickatnightwalkerim not like lurking behind coffee machines im not actually THERE

and of course it's more for her benefit i didnt even know you

bythepowerof4i mean the second it went south you were, there, actually,

oh wow

thanks

nickatnightwalkerman youre not gonna pick me over like, your brother or something i dont see how this is shocking

besides

daisys

a good person to be friends with

bythepowerof4i mean sure but im still a bit caught up in you picking me out of a lineup like oh theyll do!!

nickatnightwalkerwhat line up

she likes you

bythepowerof4ok this part for once is not about her

well a little bit but listen

i thought we were friends because you thought i was nice and wanted to be

aka nothing to do with daisy

nickatnightwalkerwell like

yeah

that kinda helped your case though i guess

bythepowerof4no im sorry but that makes it weird

bythepowerof4that you befriended me for her sake and the second i pissed her off you trashed me for it like all im good for is bringing out the good in her

thats stupid??

nickatnightwalkeroh my god you have terrible reading comprehension

step 1.  we got to be friends

bythepowerof4ok we're back at insilts great!!!

nickatnightwalkershhh just shhh for like a second im breaking itdown alright

step 1. we got to be friends

step 2. you and daisy are also sort of friendsish

step 3. i encourage this shit because shes trying and youre pretty alright

step 4.  youre yelling at me for leading you on and befriending you to like lure you to daisy or some shit because i apparently just psychically knew you were ok

dont remember if we started talking because you were already talking to daisy so i figure that says something

bythepowerof4thats not what you just said but fine

bythepowerof4if im so wrong about all of this then im sorry for misunderstanding

nickatnightwalkerno it is what i just said

being friends with me first helped your case re me backing you up since i knew you werent a dick

bythepowerof4fine!!! ok i get it i just apologized

i cant help not getting stuff sometimes i figure u would get that being friends with daisy and all

but youre just saying all thise mean shit to upset me and not even feeling bad about it apparently

nickatnightwalkerlisten i really hand to god dont know what things youre talking about right now

doing it for daisy over you?  like

i knew you enough to know youre alright but daisy is daisy

bythepowerof4ok well yesterday, for one, with the "you should be flattered" bullshit

bythepowerof4and u were fucked so i would forgive that in a second if u bothered apologizing

or maybe the picture, which like, whatever your intentions were clearly was pretty hurtful

or anything about low self esteem, treating me like a melodramatic idiot,

any of that rally

nickatnightwalkerim gonna address these in order

bythepowerof4unless ur adress contains a sorry i dont care

ive heard ur excuses and thats great but thats not how this works

nickatnightwalkerlike

nickatnightwalkerugh jesus cut me some slack im not exactly a social guru here either im sorry about the low self esteem comment that was genuinely not meant to be douchy and neither was the picture even though i sent it because i was pissed

that was more of a look youre wrong kinda thing but i get how with daisy saying you were jealous that looks way harsher than i thought it was so im sorry about that

bythepowerof4even in context of like, just our previous convos i think that seems pretty harsh but yeah

thanks

i appreciate it for real

nickatnightwalkerand like i cant in good faith apologize for the you should be flattered shit because regardless of the situation daisy is daisy and in the interest of transparency im never gonna think anyones good enough for her but like i said she was willing to make an effort for you and i knew you were ok so

bythepowerof4oh my god

nickatnightwalkerwhat i honestly dont get why youre so shocked i prioritize daisy

bythepowerof4im not but you dont,, need to, for one

u know you didnt eed to compare us at all

and no offence but if youre trying to convince me you like me as a person and not just bc im convenient

saying "youre ok" as often as possible is NOT reassuring

nickatnightwalkeroh what

well first obviously i had to since you were getting kinda messed up over me doing thing for her not you and second of all i dont mean Ah Yes, You'll Do..... i mean youre ok

like

bythepowerof4that hadnt happened yet u just brought it up out of nowhere

nickatnightwalkernot bad

bythepowerof4it was douchey

nickatnightwalkerno you

you said it

like

ill scroll back if i have to but you said me doing it all for her felt bad

bythepowerof4yeah and it does fyi but u pulled that "you dont deserve her" crap last fucking night

if youre gonna continue a fight u started high at least read the backlogs dude

its clearly on ur mind if u brought it ip for no reason

nickatnightwalkerit wasnt for no reason it was because she was upset you called her weird and crazy

i didnt pull this shit from the void

bythepowerof4" you were getting kinda messed up over me doing thing for her not you" this hadnt happened yet thats all im saying

u cant even keep your excuses straight

i didnt compare us and you decided to and that understandably made me feel like shit

nickatnightwalkerwell goddamn you pulled the receipts it's certainly not like i couldnt have misunderstood what particular thing you were referring to

bythepowerof4i only did that bc u tried to make it about something else!! i get why u were mad at me but youre trying to make me look dumb its not fair!!

nickatnightwalkerim not trying to make you look like anything believe it or not

sometimes i too am capable of misunderstandings

bythepowerof4then why dont you ever say sorry for them

ive messed up like a dozen times in this convo alone and i said "sorry i misunderstood" ur just

id unno its going in circles and its dumb bc i just want you to not be mad at me

nickatnightwalkerbecause im too busy trying to tell you im not framing you to look like a tool

bythepowerof4and i said i believed you

but youre acting like im an idiot for thinking it at all

nickatnightwalkerdude im not

like i dont know what im doing thats making you think that but im sorry?

bythepowerof4i told you!! over and over!! and you kept making it into something else!!

literally read what u just said and tell me it wouldnt make u feel like an idiot

nickatnightwalkerwhatever sorry i compared you and said you should be flattered

bythepowerof4whatever

sorry agan for being a dick to you last night, bc i admit i was, and to daisy but ill take that one to her bc its like, Our Business

whatevers dont count and im tired so, till next time i guess

nickatnightwalker i said it after you upset her but before you apologized and pretty much would feel that way if donald glover himself came to her door

[jeffxjustin]

meself dont read u’ll get annoyed

hi hello i...i am back.

so first off, i wanna write on the eve of our tour to cebu. i dont wanna come and so i didnt prepare extravagantly (did i ever?!?!). anyway, its kind of rainy anyway and so im not expecting much with that kind of weather, esp if you guys would travel around 2-3am. its already 12 and i didnt get an ounce of sleep bec im not in the mood for this. its not that i dont fancy travels, vacation and stuff but (noticed i had too much ‘its’ it bothered me) i hate leaving when i need to do work or sort of that. sir javar pep talked us last fri and i got energized hearing his words and so i tried going back on shape. last two weeks are pretty terrible. so much efforts went to waste as i prepared for things that was suspended. i hate that feeling when i make an effort for something and it gets suddenly postponed. am talking bout my eng4 exam that keeps getting moved and moved. studied without sleep and, eyyyy prof says lets move it. anyway fuck that. it had negative impact on me bec previously i was on a roll, had so much job w orcc stuff, layb and plss. not to mention maintaining kulayan on a half dead situation (sorry, i dont have the capacity some ppl have, yet). i was managing them all, then boom. dread feelings came bec i lost on track due to numerous reschedulings and sht. i skipped classes, did half-assed jobs, had a huge debt. wanna cry, yknow, bec i wanna release these feelings of dread. but i dunno, straight five months i have yet to cry. its freakin heavy and with that constant things of dread following you, you wont function well. pals told me i have a high saturation point. handy, but troublesome. and so going back to sir javar’s peptalking, it certainly made me alive. and mind you i want to go back on track too. i was kind of proud when i got included on sir’s top ten without studying real hard (got the ninth) but i hated it bec i didnt give my all. yknow, i had this thinking that i shouldnt be wasting my efforts on something not worthy. /worthy/ is subjective, obviously and i only have few in mind but i guess thats bec im still learning. the list may or may not go, depending on the situation.

 i hate staying at my room, puffing cigars doing nothing. i feel useless. 

yes, i may have improved technically, considering all the work im handling right now, but its fucking exhausting. its not healthy working while carrying some emotional baggage yknow. i may carry this forever but sometimes i hope it would just disappear. 

honestly, maybe i was just too fast. my 3 years in the university were pretty stale and boring (comparing to others’). things became /explosive/ last sem, this midyear, and this sem. it may not be better than others’ experiences, but whatever. 

i am kind of scared on what will happen next year, but definitely maybe it’ll be worse. maybe maybe maybe of course things can still go upsy turvy but im a pessimist most of the time so...im sorry (dont worry im not a nega guy when on the actual he he). my birthday is kinda near but im not really enthusiastic about it. had plans of actually inviting my layer 1 friends (means my really really close friends) and maybe we’ll drink or eat or whatever. a time spent with them is fun with me, and birthdays are /supposedly/ fun so...yea. on gifts, hm. not looking forward with gifts bec im too old for toys or wut. maybe a song or a poem would do??? (haha honestly idk what to say bec im usually the one who gives gifts. and so i dont really know what to feel if i get to receive one. maybe overwhelmed bec ill be grateful? any gifts r fine ill appreciate it lol. TOTALLY NOT ASKING FOR GIFTS I SWEAR UNTO MY LEFT EYE)

tis the first time i talked like this on a social media platform. sorry, too bored. prolly this thing’s getting annoying and so ill stop. i hate annoying people. until the next one ;)