#its not a big deal but still yknow
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i’ve realised i’m not actually friends with any of my vce band. like they’re cool i don’t dislike them, but they’re actually friends with eachother. which would explain why i feel out of place
#it’s not a big deal the only reason we’re a band in the first place is bc we’re basically the only year 12s in the class#and our teacher lumped us together#the only reason i knew them at all is because most of us have been doing this since last year#and the one person i was actually kinda friends with dropped the class (understandably) so. eh#its not a big deal but still yknow#that chemistry isn’t there
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HAVNT ANIMATED IN A HHHOOOOTT MINUTE AND I WANNA GET BACK INTO IT. this here is super scuffed n cheap but it EXISTS NONETHELESS and i like it and wanna share. i love making these silly lil guys move.. jrwi is such a cartoon in my beautiful brain and mind
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#jrwi riptide spoilers#HEHEHWEEEEE I LOVE THE GILLION NIGHTMARE ARC...im also doodlin up a lil animation where he stabs himself#THIS IS ALL PRACTICE THOUGH. IM STILL WORKIN ON THAT FUUUUCKING LORD OF LIGHTNING ANIMATION I STARTED LITERLY YEARS AGO#SLOWLY BUT SURELY THAT BITCH IS GONNA BE DONE#AND IM GONNA PUT IT TO MUSIC!!! IVE NEVER PUT A WHOLE ANIMATION TO SOUND BEFORE#NEVER FIGURED OUT THAT AUDIO HOO HAA#in the meantime though im PLAYING im having FUN HERE!!! i love animating.... i love animatin so much....#OH AULSO AAUUUUGHGH FUCKINNNG#the one n only condi condifiction liked it on twitter... THATS SOOOO COOOL IT BLOWS MY LIL MIND WHEN ARTISTS I LOOK UP TO GAZE UPON ME#i dont like to make a big deal out of it where everyone can see bc. yknow. we're all artists here. we're all justa buncha guys here#it feels weird to point out someone like that like HAIII HAIII I SAW U LIKED MY THINGGGG#its not weird when other ppl do it though like thats fine. but ME doing it. well. inconceivable.#but this is MY TAGS my secret little scrolls i bury beneath my art#and booyyy im KICKIN MY LITTLE LEEGGS SQUEALING AND GIGGLING AND SUCH HEHEHE WEEEEEEE!!!
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I keep thinking about how on earth they would canonize ggy bc like. at this point if they have to sacrifice Gregory screentime of just him to make something we already know actually canon, I would rather just take the screentime, but on the other hand they have to canonize it if they want to do anything at all with that plotline, and that makes me wonder if theyll stick with it as canon in the games at all or just leave it as background knowledge if u read the book 😭
#like i love ggy just as much as the nezt person and go crazy at how canon it is but not yet#but also i like gregory a lot more and ggy isnt the only reason hes my favorite#gregory was my favorite for a whole year before ggy even came out#i want him as a person to be developed more than his ggy plot when we already know its real#but gregory himself desperately needs more time focused on his character to tell us more about him#maybe give some context to some of his decisions#best case scenario honestly is Gregory has a protagonist plotline where it showcases his character and relationships with others#as the game progresses naturally with dialogue and stuff (freddy and vanessa being his guides or something)#with the focus being saving cassie#but as the game reaches its climax gregory realises for some reason or another that apparently he was ggy and did all those things#and was the mimics fave#but its established he had amneisa before security breach so he didnt remember and still doesnt#he just knows he did it and has to deal#so it doesnt completely take over everything else about his character#and then whatever happens at the end of that game has cassie saved and joining 3 star#who GOT DEVELOPMENT in this hypothetical#like idk i want ggy to be canon but i dont want it to overtake gregory#yknow what i mean#it should be background to him not the other way around#vanessa and cassie already have that big main possession plotline#pandas.txt#tbh if they replace gregorys backstory with something equally interesting I'll be ok with no game ggy#we already have a whole book to mess around with i wouldn't mind it being a little au even tho i know it isnt#its VERY canon and ill 100% be alright and happy w game ggy#but im nervous for how they would establish it in a game if at all#with how much gregory needs screentime just as a character and if he'd need to wait even longer after a ggy reveal#thoughts#gregory
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i always feel so silly telling ppl when i get mildly sexually harassed. like oh what am i even complaining about it's not a big deal. meanwhile i am trembling like a chihuahua.
#rain speaking!#got followed at the end of my walk earlier and i feel gross#and i feel pathetic talking abt it like its a big deal? i still told some friends cos its good practice yknow#still. tough
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“hey so there’s been a bunch of exposures recently but we’re gonna have the volunteer party this week bc it’s outdoors so we’ll be fine. yeah it’s a bunch of people all talking maskless face to face in relatively close proximity but we’re outside so any transmission would of course be impossible” be so fucking for real
#i love this place i love volunteering there. they have air purifiers around the center and tell people in no other words that if they’re#feeling unwell in the slightest they shouldn’t come in. they’re offering free tests to anyone exposed. they’re doing so much more than so#many other places and a lot of times it’s a place im able to relax a bit#but im just. exhausted. a week from tomorrow will be the three year anniversary of my dad dying from covid so im already in a bad place#plus covid in general is a trigger for me because. yknow. i watched it slowly strangle the life from my father until he was a grey#breathless husk who couldn’t walk three steps or say three words without panting. and that was when we made him go to the hospital#and then the next time he came home it was just his ashes in a bag#but it’s been four years. five if you count the early cases that popped up in 2019. and we’re still dealing with this shit#im just tired of it. im too exhausted to have a full sobbing shaking breakdown so ive gone to the other end of the spectrum and just feel#heavy and hollow. i should probably have a big cry but i don’t have the tears or energy#vent tw#im just hoping my n95 and the air purifiers were enough to keep me from contracting it at all. the worry is the n95 could’ve been loose and#sometimes the metal on the nose loosens slightly but the mask was pretty new overall so im hoping it worked to its full capacity and kept#out any covid molecules so that i didn’t contract any#only time will tell i suppose. in the mean time#im just praying a lot bc that’s the only control i have. i will be saying the shema whenever i get too stressed about it
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#MANNN so much shit happened today to me and im still thinking abt it even though its probably not that big of a deal#i mean its done and over with and im fine but like#???? i mean im used to people harassing me and stuff in public but ive never had a man straight up try to kill me idk😭#for context earlier today i was walking home from class and there was a middle aged man kneeling on the sidewalk rummaging thru his backpack#so i walked around him and he suddenly just stood up and grabbed my arm and tried to push me into oncoming traffic#and like i almost fell in and became roadkill but i caught myself in time and got away#and like it probably wasnt that big of a deal but i keep thinking about what wouldve happened if i hadnt reacted in time yknow#im trying to joke abt it whenever i talk to ppl abt it but like when i think abt it for too long i get freaked out#its one thing i think to get verbally harrassed but its another when someone forcefully grabs your arm with the intent to harm you#i can still remember the feeling of being grabbed and its so...ughh its . gross. and very scary#well. it couldve been worse i guess !! ill delete this later i just wanted to dump this here
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The Horrors Persist
#piktalk#tags moment again sorry besties#i dont wanna go back to sleep but i might have to :/ (<- 40% battery)#iam simultaneously making a huge deal and not a big deal at all of this and it feels silly but also i can hear my ears ringing. so.#its dark! im lonely! i dont know what im gonna do with today! hours and hours!#and i dont wanna use all my phone battery in case of emergency but fuck dude! man!!!!#literally out here 'yeah as long as i have smthn to do i can deal with it here' Surprise Dumbass!!!#like nothings Bad yet but it could be Very Easily and i know that and i dont like that. yknow.#i do not enjoy the sensation of distance. iknow i shouldnt be such a pansy abt it all but. :(#nothing is technically Wrong i am simply aware of my limits and this happens to be one of them. yknow.#and. it is still dark. alas.
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It kinda feels like when the Owl Crew were all saying their goodbyes to working on the show again.
Nearly everyone in the tags is getting ready for The End.
Like. Damn. It really is the end as far as we know for the entire franchise of The Owl House.
Man.
#its also giving SPoP and SU flashbacks#except its happening in the evening and not during the afternoon like SU or at an all-at-once-release deal like SPoP#getting p emotional#I do remember early in the days. like when Ms Dana Terrace was still in the dt team and doodled Luz#alongside Rebecca Sugar Ian JQ and I think alex hirsch#and ofc the first real poster#and watching it on youtube when it first aired. and even watching it on TV.#I remember a lot of it with twitter too. that viney cult thing. the hype for Understanding Willow. the pic of lil Luz smiling going around.#I remember tons of fics. The Lumity azura actor au thats been LOONG abandoned lmao. the one where Luz was the author of tgwa. tons more.#Of course the excessive hype for Grom.#The hype for the S1B trailer was huge too but Grom. You cannot replicate that. And yknow what? Id go as far to say#not even Hollow Mind had that much hype behind it.#Plus the huge amounts of news coverage and hype after Grom aired.#Like the show was fairly popularish. Nothing too big and was about even with amphibby. But after Grom. BOOM. Huge amounts.#I could really go on. I just cant really believe that its kinda unfairly going away. Possibly never to return. One of The most talked about#animated shows in the past couple years (similar to the likes of Steven Universe! Which was HUGE.) even worldwide.#Nothing lasts forever. It just is unfair the time spent was taken away tho. Happened to others too. Happens so much to animation#and we just Have to accept it because higher-ups are either to proud to their stupid ideals or simply for no real good reason.#This show has had a good impact on animation. I'm always gunna be glad for that. And I'm glad that so many have been touched and loved.#Here's hoping to the future. Maybe more Owl House. Maybe more creativity by the crew. Maybe for better. To The Owl House!#The Owl House#TOH#Owl House
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i feel like shit. i am only making myself feel MORE like shit on purpose. i miss my friend i miss my partner i miss my community i feel like ots all slipping between my fingers and i cant hold onto any of it
#i know karka is busy. i underatand. i do#i try to not make it a big deal but its been weeks since weve properly talked#i have no fucking idea what is happening in their life#i was rlly looking forward to today. i wanted to be with my friends and tell a story again#and i know its not her fault i KNOW taht but im still upset. im still disappointed#and i qas already feeling off but i told finn im fine#i dont wanna worry hin any more#he hadnt been online and interacting with my other posts. thought i was safe. but i fucking wasnt#ive been looking at messages between hin and whiskey abd feeling awful#i dont know why im doing this to myself#i dont#fuck i fucking hate this#and i cant talk to anyonr abt it#finn and karka have been my go tos for the past year and a half#and i dont wanna worry finn. and karka has irl#which takes precedence#and i just#fuck#yknow?#fuck. i wanna plunge a knife into my chest just so i can feel it
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WHY IS IT SO TINY???
#kind of really upset abt this bc its hard for me to earn saps lmao#i think i bought it at a deal but still :/#i was expecting it to be decently big yknow#jamblr
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maxwell and sammy are all mine and i love them like my children but its pretty hard to divorce them from fnaf enough to make them straight up ocs. sammy especially bc hes technically not my oc, even if i made up every aspect about him except his name and dead twin sister
#my point being i keep seeing oc post and going ‘omg me about sammy’ but sammy isnt an oc. technically#i literally wont even change his name if i do ever just make him all mine. i love him sammy is my bff forevers.#sammy smiles real wide and has sharp canines. he cant stand silence and talks to himself CONSTANTLY and its worse around other people#he interrupts people a lot by accident. and is really bad about holding friendships and doesnt reach out to people. after he took max in it#was impossible to shut him up bc someone was actually there now. he has serious trust issues and thinks ppl dont like him bc he thinks#everyone to have some big secret theyre all collectively keeping from him to keep him ‘’safe’’ which stems from. his mom doing this to him#about his sister and dad she just straight up refused to tell him until he found out on his own. so for 11 years he knew that. they for sure#you cant just split up your family in half in a divorce. something seems incredibly wrong about that but he didnt know what actually#happened there. also they were young when she died but he still felt like a part of him went missing and without the knowledge she died he#assumed. hed see her again and fill that hole. and of course that wasnt true. so anyway he struggles to make and keep friends#hes had like 8 different partners who lasted more than a month (most of them didnt want to deal with max) and he cant keep any of them bc a#a lot of people meet this cute charming guy with a lot to say and realize hes literally like this all the time and it stops being cute and#starts being annoying. he wanted to have kids bc he really likes kids but nobody wants him unfortunately and also he had. max for 8 years#and max is for sure his kid (from his perspective max is weird about it bc max thinks of his dad. as his Parent and sammy as more of#brother) but like max was not really what he was thinking when he thought he wanted kids right. and he feels bad about thinking that but#he does. think that. he wants a kid of his own. sammy is a therapist for kids with trauma specifically so that also impacts his ability to#have a kid. he worries that. bc of his personal experience of what Can happen that he may in turn be a helicopter parent or way#overprotective. yknow. he#ive got to go to bed omg. i got enough thoughts down!!!!#simons spouting#a lot of this is just awfully written but you cant read back or edit tags on mobile. not my fault
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im fucking tired i love characters who are incompetant being chosen as the chosen ones to save humanity or whatever from some evil its so good everytime and makes me smile and laugh
#⚠️#this is about ash but also them#diversity win! the chosen one is emo!! (and a lesbian)#im thinking itd be funny if in their plotline they dont get like a heroic pull sword out of rock whatever thing going on i just want the#sword they get to just like arrive at their doorstep like the universe is like hey take my sword boy#they also have a thing going where they have a contact in which they pretend is like some special evil power eye thing which im very fond of#cause like girl you have the sword chosen one thing and yet theyre still like yeah.. thats right... i have dark evil powers so yknow... my#eyes a little cool looking yeah... its no big deal#I LOVE MY OCS#i need to talk about them more i have so much shit in my brain i need to get out#oc: eri ryu
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they make a Jackie duplicant and her stress reaction is all of them at once and her overjoyed reaction is also every stress reaction at once because I think if this women felt an ounce of legitimate happiness again shed immediately self destruct herself into the ground
#rat rambles#I have found the way to make myself like jackie and its by percieving her as way more pathetic than she was intended to come off qs#this is a woman who is torn between science and her ex and her urge to be petty to said ex#like tbh this is the reason I want jackie to get more logs because we just do not get to see her perspective on their relationship#we know that olivia was and likely still is very important to her#but this is from environmental stuff we dont hear a wiff of it from her own mouth#in general we do not get to know a lot about who jackie is as a person beyond second hand information#the only time we see her openly talking by herself is in the time ribbon logs#and those were both just abt yknow. the time ribbon bullshit.#and both were before gravitas and before she and olivia fell out#rly the only thing it tells us is that jackie is Very dedicated to what she thinks is important and at the very least started from a place#of wanting to better the world and likely she still thinks she does#but at the same time I think its become pretty clear that as time went on it sorta became more about bending reality to its limits#which is a thing I think she and olivia kind of have in common tbh#after they achieved the time ribbon I think they sorta both got a smidge bit progress hungry in their own ways#olivia less so but the two are still scientists at heart and more importantly scientists who only care so much abt the ppl around them#again olivia less so but like. I could not lie to you and say she cares That much about the ppl around her#she does care just. not enough to really... respect them I feel like?#as in clearly not enough to strongly oppose the whole dna stealing thing lol#even tho she probably sees it as not a big deal it's still not a great look lol#but yeah jackie is a lot harder to truly analyze because we just. dont get a whole lot from her.#I can presume a lot of her downhill spiral was from being put in a position of authority#its very easy for the human mind to start seeing real people as a bunch of numbers and statistics#she was likely very demanding even before then tho#like as far as we can tell olivia was like. her Only friend. which tbf we dont know nearly enough to know that for sure but still#I feel like jackie and olivia became friends because they both had a lot of out there theories that no one took seriously#and they took eachother seriously so they became fast friends as they finally found someone who would truly listen to them#but once the time ribbon was done and they were both left kind of flailing for smth to chase after next they ended up drifting#and I could see this deeply upsetting jackie and leaving her feeling deeply conflicted#idk its just interesting to me to imagine how jackie felt under the proffessional I need everyone to take me seriously face
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bro phones can read your fucking MINDS i havent anything to anyone about thinking if im ace or not and i kEEP GETTING POSTS ABOUT IT
theyre not even reblogs!! just suggested posts
forcibly identified as ace ig
#/joke#i wont get into the juicy deets but#ive been leaning into yes i am#but its a lot to do with my trauma so it could just be having to deal with that#yknow?#i also think my bf would break up with me because of it and that is very scary#(( not in a like “ew ur gross cos ur ace” way but a “sex is a very big part of relationships to me” kinda way))#((which is fair enough))#(( and yes yes i know that some ace people still have sex etc etc but outside of reading smut and rps and whatever))#((thinking about having sex physically with someone else is like. daunting. yknow))#maybe i went into the deets of it oops#getting it off my chest ig
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mental health problems and art rant who giv a shit
i've done toony styles before throughout my long time in doing art, and i really want to continue drawing toony styles now.
i feel like i have to strive to make my art look as good as possible, but that's a sisyphean task. i haven't been having fun with art, it's a chore.
i feel like it shows i've been trying too hard. with furry side of things, i've been trying to learn to draw lots of different species- all which takes time. and different body types- which takes time, too- mainly muscle, which is really hard to make it look right, and i think you need to actually learn in-depth anatomy and study equally in-depth diagrams n stuff to really succeed. sucks when you can't draw something you like ://
i've been trying to get better at all these things for 2-3 years, and i haven't seen progress. it's not exactly encouraging.
but when i stop trying with those things? it's like a relief. maybe in more time i'll find a balance between what i call "technical" (meaning muscle, basically) and "toony".
am i being lazy? probably. i can't help but feel like i am. but i'm actually having a good time now. so i don't know if i care :)
#this perfectionism i have is hell#ive always known art is a compulsion for me- i literally am not able to quit even if i wanted to-#but im really realizing Now just how tied to 0cd it actually is#im coming out about having that more; i told a friend the name of the disorder (By Name) for the first time the other day#and it feels weirdly better... like getting it off your chest yknow#im going to a specialist in a few weeks about the disorder im coming to terms with having :)!#because hopefully this is obvious but it causes unbearable repetitive thoughts + problems other than whining about my art skills LOL#and there's no distraction its too much this is just 1 comparitively smaller part of it (just had to clarify on that lol)#i NEVER make drs appointments and ive never had real therapy or any other help (apart from several Wrong meds in the past) so this is BIG#so maybe i'll continue to be more optimistic about art once i get my brain chemicals balanced out a bit#i didnt realise before now either that 0cd's linked to a chemical called noradrenaline WHICH IS LINKED TO YOUR DOPAMINE LEVELS... oh my god#it's all low dopamine? always has been.#still aiming for a ɑdhd diagnosis/assessment but for now this is something#and at least in my country 0cd is easier to get treatment for than ɑdhd#art talk#and more wow what a deal
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I know it's not supposed to be. But GOD does it feel insulting to consistently be getting 9.5/10 on writing assignments like. I don't even know what I'm doing wrong. I wouldn't care this much if it was a 9/10 but I got half a point off and I don't know why. And It's WRITING it's supposed to be the one thing I'm GOOD at
#God I dont know why im so upset about this rn#im just. its so disheartening#I worked hard on this essay yknow#and writing is like my thing. like thats the one thing im supposed to be good at#and I can't get 100%#god im just#its probably because im tired but STILL#im so upset over this#i dont even care about the POINTS#im not concerned about the grade#im upset that I got half a point off on something im supposed to be good at and I dont evben know why#rambling#phever dreams with phantom#im not gonna talk to my teacher about it bc i dont like talking to him one on one#bc he is just idk hes unpleasant to talk to one on one#its not even a big deal but whatever
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