#its not even about validation or appreciation or anything. idc about that. i care about opening a dialouge.

[starsteemer]

Thinking I don't want to post art anymore

[simsfromupthere]

ok so i recently saw the designs of the werewolves for TS4 and i legit more than ever don’t understand why people were so mean and harsh on criticizing them; like i dont mind people criticizing EA at all cause its just a company with a priority to grab our cash moneys, but recently especially a lot of DLCs have content (wether its an occult’s design, clothing, patterns, hair, objects etc) which are primarily made by artists who independently do the designs for the game which is the case of the werewolves design and seeing the artist themselves tweet about how bad some of the negative comments (straight up some were negative comments not valid criticism about features of the design) made them feel really made me feel so shit for them and hit me hard as someone who also is an artist and even then i couldnt even imagine the amount of effort this artist had to put from concept to something that would translate well with the game’s style i cant even imagine, and honestly even though werewolves arent my thing or whatever (ill still get the dlc probablylmfao) buut i think the artist did a great job in adapting werewolves to TS4 style like i really dunno what people wanted from it like ofc they look “furryish” werewolves are literal anthropomorphic wolf beings hh like did people just want the TS2 werewolves who were just reg sims with just some questionable quality (as in low res cause ofc its ts2 but yea) fur skin and a funney walk or like ts3 werewolves who were literally just regular sims with a lot of body hair, over bit with lower fangs, eyes w diff colors and cartoony angry brows Hhh did people want goofy hyperrealistic gigantic twilight werewolves or something? i legit think this was the most full fledged werewolf design for the sims honestly, idc about sucking up to ea because ea is just a company and i dont rlly care/empathize with major corporations/companies but this is more of a post to show appreciation to the artist who independently made the designs for ea (btw im not bashing anyone who makes/gets retextures,overlays, default replacements or anything thats beyond a okay cause i also use em on some vampire/occult stuff from TS4 its just on the people who immediately went on to bash/belittle the design to the point the artist tweeted abt it)

[sinnersandsaints-linwrites]

you know sometimes a lot of if authors ask us if we would like options and interactions added to the game......so it's not so outlandish and strange when things get asked for. but i suppose you didn't ask for suggestions which means people definitely shouldn't give you unsolicited suggestions. but speak for yourself. Use "I" not "us authors". My MC. My characters. My-oof we get it. no ones saying its not YOUR characters and not YOUR game. okay? maybe go write a proper book or something where it can properly be your mc with no customization or variations. (I'd definitely buy it) and no suggestions to allow to say something snappy to RUDE characters. RUDE. i like rude characters so not complaining lol but idk what being neurodivergent has to do with it especially in this instance lmao. especially if it's just being RUDE and HOSTILE to one person, aka YOUR mc. We weren't talking about you and you not being neurotypical and what you do because of that, we're talking about these types of characters who are just plain meanies so please keep stuff like that out of it.

also about your other post. what does self inserts have to do with anything??? because someone would like the option for the mc to wear glasses??? cause they maybe wanna not have the mc get stepped on willingly at all times??? fanfics have set personalities for the 'Yn' character so i cant really understand what you could mean? the only thing is that they dont have a name?? the yn part?? and if you play that way, interactive fiction is more self insert and oc insert than yn fanfics will ever be. idk how the lines can be blurred lmao?? we knowwwwwwwwww its the authors character and not us as a reader. we knowwww. its just fun. it's just immersive. please calm down its not that serious and again speak for yourself cause i have never seen anyone else complain about that before. *priest voice* and if you do, speak now or forever hold your peace. all your other points are valid tho I'm sick of that whole; "it's not my preference so please change this character to suit me" bull. anyway I've never been this rude to anyone on the internet in my life but you just irk me so I'm tryna fight. please reply accordingly. and yes I'm on anon oof so cowardly yudda yudda yudda idc. ooooh you should start an if authors union ya know! since you feel so oppressed by entitled readers wanting the interactive fiction game they're playing to include certain interactions. no no I'm not deluded, you don't have to do that honestly but just say no and stfu about it. maybe put somewhere in your bio "don't suggest things, i dont care, this is MY mc not yours and MY game." it would be sooo iconic if you actually added that lol. i sound like a pos spoiled brat towards the end even to myself but oh well. cue the ass kissers and dick riders to your defense ig. if you answer this at all. "dont listen to them-" "I'm so sorry you have anons like-" "the audacity of some peo-" "don't worry, they're wrong, keep complaining abou-" "if they don't like your posts then they shoul-" "I can't believe -" "this is so rud-"

Hope you don't mind, I'm a no nonsense type🥔

Well this is a lot. I’ll just go point by point. And to preface people saying “ignore it and move on” thank you, I’d rather not. Even if the ask does not seem too constructive. So, here, anon, your 15 minutes of fame and attention. 

You are correct — I did not ask for suggestions as to what choices I should make available. Sometimes I ask for suggestions about different things, and I do appreciate that feedback, but I do not appreciate unsolicited suggestions as to how I should write my game.

I use “us authors” and not “I” because I am not the only author who gets the ‘suggestions’, it’s easy to see since almost every week at least one author deals with something of the sort.

“My MC. My characters. My-oof we get it. no ones saying its not YOUR characters and not YOUR game. okay? maybe go write a proper book or something where it can properly be your mc with no customization or variations. (I'd definitely buy it)”

Auch, ‘proper book’? Appreciate the info that you’d buy it, but this is just a backhanded compliment of sorts. I (and other authors as well!) repeat it often that the characters are ‘ours’ because people do forget that, often.

“i like rude characters so not complaining lol but idk what being neurodivergent has to do with it especially in this instance lmao. especially if it's just being RUDE and HOSTILE to one person, aka YOUR mc. We weren't talking about you and you not being neurotypical and what you do because of that, we're talking about these types of characters who are just plain meanies so please keep stuff like that out of it.”

Lot to unpack. I assume you’re referring to some older responses I gave, where I mentioned that neurotypical people can often perceive behavior of neurodivergent individuals as ‘rude’ when the person is not rude; they just don’t conform to neurotypical standards. I also mentioned cultural differences; for Americans for example, behavior of Poles is often perceived as rude, but for Poles it’s being neutral. I respectfully decline, and I will keep mentioning things like these.

 Idk who’s the ‘we’ you talk about, maybe speak for yourself? :/ (I think I’m allowed a bit of pettiness here)

The entire thing about self inserts — let me guess, you self insert? (Last bit of pettiness I promise)

I’d appreciate if you specified which post you mean, since I’m not clairvoyant. I’ll assume you meant my post from TNG blog, since it’s there that I spoke at length about self inserts. I’m not sure what’s your entire point with this, to be frank. Readers can headcanon whatever, that’s quite alright — you can self insert all you want; what stops being alright is when the authors boundaries — mine for example — get disrespected because a reader got too deep into their self insert, or when I get treated like a one-shot writing machine with someone’s overly specific, detailed scenarios, or when people complain about their MC “being stepped on willingly at all times.” If you don’t want your MC to be “stepped on willingly at all times” feel free to simply not read. It’s that easy. 

Y/N fanfics often have a bland ‘Y/N character’ with minimal personality and characteristics, it’s a hollow character most can project into. Y/N fanfics have also things like: your last name, your eye color, your hair color, but often they’re so easily self-inserts because of how empty they are (that being said, still most Y/N fanfics are written with an able-bodied, NT, white, cis women in mind). Y/N fanfic is a clear self insert, it’s meant as self insert — Interactive Fiction is not. 

“idk how the lines can be blurred lmao?? we knowwwwwwwwww its the authors character and not us as a reader. we knowwww. its just fun. it's just immersive. please calm down its not that serious and again speak for yourself cause i have never seen anyone else complain about that before. *priest voice* and if you do, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

Feel free to read through the responses in the tags and replies to that post then if you have never seen anyone else mention this. You may know the difference, some people don’t — I for one often get asks worded as “I wouldn’t do that / behave like that / I’m not attracted to that” etc. “I” not “MC”. So.

“anyway I've never been this rude to anyone on the internet in my life but you just irk me so I'm tryna fight. please reply accordingly. and yes I'm on anon oof so cowardly yudda yudda yudda idc. ooooh you should start an if authors union ya know! since you feel so oppressed by entitled readers wanting the interactive fiction game they're playing to include certain interactions. no no I'm not deluded, you don't have to do that honestly but just say no and stfu about it. maybe put somewhere in your bio "don't suggest things, i dont care, this is MY mc not yours and MY game." it would be sooo iconic if you actually added that lol. i sound like a pos spoiled brat towards the end even to myself but oh well. cue the ass kissers and dick riders to your defense ig. if you answer this at all.”

[throwing-summers-at-the-walls]

Hello half valid anon here (i like my nickname 😂). I got through all your fics and they were all great. Right now im just reading a lot of poi fanfics and watch fanvids cause i can't accept that the series is over 😂 --- i know what you mean about fics affecting you negatively. I had this with 13rw (the Show and some fics) everything was so dark and hopeless that i had to stop watching it. I also love to seek out fics where someone is hurt so i can feel my pain through the characters (1)

But i try to read only fics with lots of comfort so it kinda feels like i get comforted as well (dont know if that makes sense). If it makes you uncomfortable or if its unhealthy for you to write about this i completely understand and i dont mean to come of as pushing you to write. I just hope whatever you do will be the right decision for you! As for you feeling suicidal im sorry to hear that. Let me know if there is ever anything i can do to help! I wish i could say sth more comforting but Im not super good with words :( i just hope you have people in your life that support you! 💛

maybe root will grow on you too? Or maybe you can skip her scenes and enjoy John, Harold and most importanly Bear! 😂 Yeah Shaw definately looks really good. She is a bit like Reese minus the caring. At first it seems she doesnt care about anything at all but thats not exactly the Case. There was an episode with Shaw and a little girl (3x5) and i really loved it (have you seen that one?).

I really think Shaw would grow on you (especially since in the beginning she does a lot with John) but then again a lot of her later scenes include Root so im not sure. Yes i love that there were never any romantic undertones with her and John!!

yeah the core four were great. I was so sad when Carter died! :(

i guess everyone sees chemistry different, i think Shoot and Rinch post have great chemistry ☺️

as for John being good with people: YES!! he is always so compassionate and such a great listener as well. I especially like him with children. John and the baby were so cute or John with the boy who offered to pay for him. John + Kids was always a great combination and i wished we would have seen it more often. Also regarding children we did we never got to see a John Taylor scene after Carters death? I needed that!

yes John the badass is also amazing! His character has so many different sides and i love him so much!!

i think Grace Harold was really cute but i dont really see a future for them, i mean he lied to her for so long! but then again they really loved each other so idk maybe they work it out. Im also not into John/Harold/Grace but like you said good for the people who like the ship :)

John and Zoe were great! i wish Zoe would have appeared more often!

I have so many things to say about John and the boring therapist but i think i better not say them :D i wish i could just erase their relationship from my mind!

of course he didnt die! i didnt see a dead body so i refuse to believe he is dead! i also just wanted them to be happy. what kind of an ending is it to let the main character die? i refuse to accept this! -- thank you for the rec i will check it out :) while i do like fluff i mostly read h/c (with the focus on the comfort) cause i just want John to get his much needed comfort :D -- i have no idea where season 1 is supposed to be boring. but idc the people can live with their wrong opinions :D

(today: tumblr user nourann3 discovers the option to indent text after almost 5 years on tumblr...)

Hiii !! It is a very valid nickname 😂 That's nice !! Hmu if you want more recs ! Lol same honestly, I can't believe it's been 4 years since the show ended ! I can give you a link to my poi/Rinch fanvids playlist if you're interested 👀

Oh boi 13rw is so cursed, can't believe I watched all of the 1st season 😬 I remember being afraid of the suicide scene making me uncomfortable but it was so cringe, unrealistic and just bad that I wasn't even that uncomfortable, I cringed when she cut her arms but that's it.

Yeah big mood I project a lot on comfort fics as well. For suicide fics, I think it also depends on how the fics adress the subject. It's something that is complicated to write. If I read a suicide fic with no recovery I'm gonna project but feel like shit. But with recovery, I can project into the recovery as well so it's better ! I read a really good ace attorney fic showing Miles recovering after a suicide attempt, it was thoughtful and didn't fall into the pitfalls of magical super fast recovery/love heals everything, and some lines stuck with me, it was really good and comforting. But yeah if it's just a suicide/suicide attempt then I don't think it's good for me (but sometimes I still read it bc I'm a Dumb Bitch).

Dw you didn't come off as pushing 💜 I'll see how I feel about continuing it or not. I have to figure out if writing about suicide is positive or negative for me 🤔 I mean I'm not portraying John's suicidal crisis as a positive thing, and he reaches out to Harold, and considers he might get better so I don't think it's bad for me ? Another problem is that I have a tendency to drop my wips to write a new shiny idea I get, and then I never finish anything gkgkffjfjf I dropped the suicide fic for the body horror fic which I dropped for the time loop fic, and there's also the hanahaki fic I started last year but I haven't touched in months, plus a bunch of random shit floating around OneDrive lmao someone stop me

What helps the most is venting, just getting that shit out is helping y'know. I appreciate your support ♥️ at least it's not as bad as it used to be

I doubt Root will grow on me, catch me watching her scenes at 1.5 speed lmao, also yes you bet I'll enjoy watching them !!

Yes I remember that ep ! Iirc the little girl tells Shaw she has feelings but the volume is lower than in other people or smth along those lines ?

I hope she'll grow on me bc she seems cool. I remember I was a bit afraid of her just becoming a sort of hollow copy of John, like "look we added another badass to the show". Seems to be more than that though ! Also I'm curious about their mayhem twins dynamic. But yeah if she has a lot of scenes with Root idk how much it'll annoy me

I feel like I wouldn't be able to get the Shoot chemistry bc I'm too biased against Root lol

Ikr the crossing hurt me so much. But thinking about it takes me back to my careese days and my first fics lol. I feel like the death of one of the core four + the abandonment of the library really alienated me from the show (did I already say that before ?). And here I'm gonna shamelessly derail from Carter to the library bc boiii do I have a lot of feelings about the library !! And you're here, talking about poi, so you're the perfect subject to throw these feelings at. This post really says what I feel about it (I'll put the link at the end as well if you wanna read it after you're done with this l o n g reply). It was in a way its own character and its forced abandonment/destruction really hit me (fucked me up when they broke that glass board). It says something that it's one of the few things I remember from S3 along with Carter's death and 4C. I loved it a lot, it was a cornerstone of the show. It was a safe place, a home for Harold and John (and Bear !). I love when they're together in there, I love this cracked glass board, this yellow stained glass in the windows !!! (at least I assume it's stained glass ?), these lights, Bear's cushion, the whole cozy/safe/isolated feelings, just absolutely everything. And yeah later they have the subway, idk when it's introduced I don't remember if it's early enough for me to have watched it. And maybe it's nice, I can't judge rn. But it's like trying to give me a new MC after a MCD, make him as nice as you want I'll be clutching the previous MC until I die. Gkfkfkff I went overboard and off topic but I just love the library ok

Ikr I love how he's badass but also gentle and understanding and nice to people ! I love him !!! Yeah wolf and cub is really good, also I love when John smiles to Darren at the end !! I use this moment as my pfp bc I love it so much. He's just so cute ! I wish he smiled more (did we ever hear him laugh in the entirety of the show ?). Baby blue is so great, Harold and him are such a married couple in this ep ! Yeah same more content with John and children would have been nice.

I never thought about how much we needed a John Taylor scene but yes !! We were robbed :((((

Speaking of John being a cool badass. Here's a badass John vid rec it's super good

Yeah they were cute in the past. I think it's good he went back to her bc it gives closure to both of them. But I don't see their relationship working again. She grieved, probably started to move on after all these years and knowing he lied all this time probably won't make her want to go back with him. I've never been in love so what do I know lol, but were I her I probably wouldn't want to go back with him and I'd just be happy knowing he's alive after all.

Same I need more Zoe (also she's hot)

Lmao let's just forget about that weird relationship shall we

Aren't we all the same, firmly believing he's alive and happy out there ! It was foreshadowed since the first ep and it made sense but do I care ? No, fuck that shit John is very much alive

You're welcome ! John needs all the comfort and the love !!! I think I have a preference for fluff bc he gets hurt enough in the show lol

Indeed they can, veryyy far away from us

Sry if this is shit I have like half a functioning braincell today

The post abt home bases I mentioned

[fungusfairgrounds]

Filling [this] out for Moffy ! deleted some questions i didn’t care about....

1. Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closest with?

They’re not in his age group that doesn’t really make sense ?? Moth has two moms and a dad and a little sister. His parents are roughly 20-ish years older than him and his sister is 13 years younger. They’re all close but he might have spent a lot of time with one of his moms ? When something is wrong I feel like he might go to a friend first then his family after. Also his family isn’t super developed yet so its hard to say lmaO.

2. What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like?  What is/was your character’s relationship with their father like?

He gets along well with his moms and his dad !! They’re a very happy family, I don’t think there’s much conflict between them. They obviously butt heads every now and then (they really wanted him to come home for a while after he got in an accident but he refused) but they get along.

3. Has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know?

Not so much witnessed but he experienced something that changed him. His family, they’re probably the only ones he currently wants to share that information with.

4. On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets?

5. Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams?

Wallet, keys, phone, sometimes a piece of candy or a stick of gum, and paper scraps with a small pencil.

When something/someone is on his mind, yes. Like, if he misses someone they show up in his dreams a lot. Usually though, not really.

6. Does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares?

He might have altered “flashback” dreams to his accident or relating to his phobia. He might also have nightmares about being forgotten.

7. Has your character ever fired a gun? If so, what was their first target?

Not a real gun just the splat stuff. Probably just a target in the testing range.

8. Is your character’s current socioeconomic status different than it was when they were growing up?

Yes. His family probably didn’t have to worry about things too much but currently Moth is really poor and is very careful with spending money. He’s doing a tiny bit better than when he was in college but not much. He can at least eat his three meals a day now.

9. Does your character feel more comfortable with more clothing, or with less clothing?

He’s fine with both !! Very comfortable in either. However, if he’s around someone he doesn’t trust he’d rather wear more clothing. He has a lot of scars on his back and he wouldn’t want people he’s not comfortable being around to see them and ask about them.

10. In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been?

In his accident where he almost died. Since it happened while there was fog, he associates fog with it so he’s pretty afraid in foggy weather as well.

11. In what situation was your character the most calm they’ve ever been?

[Voiding lol idc]

12. Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way?

I don’t think so.

13. Does your character remember names or faces easier?

Faces ! He’s a very visual person.

14. Is your character preoccupied with money or material possession? Why or why not?

Not really but also maybe cause he’s so damn poor ? There’s stuff he’d like, and he would like to have more money, but its mostly to support those around him. He probably was team love for that splatfest, but sees nothing wrong with wanting money too lmao.

15. Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success?

Happiness. He’s currently not very successful, but he is very happy. He would like to be successful as well someday, but not having that currently doesn’t drag him down.

16. What was your character’s favorite toy as a child?

Probably some plush toy ! Maybe a sheepy.

17. Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others?

Ambition 100%

18. What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before?

Moff is probably very needy for validation and in return he would drop everything he’d doing to do something for his date- which probably would be kind of annoying if he’s hanging out with you but then drops you in a heartbeat to reply to his bf for a few minutes.

I don’t think its ruined his past relationships because he’s giving them so much attention...they just didn't work out.

19. In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism?

He might compare out of self-criticism ? Especially former classmates that he felt he was just as good as at the time who got jobs but he did not so it makes him kinda feel he’s falling behind in things...he’s still doing his best though. I don’t think he thinks about that too often,

20. If something tragic or negative happens to your character, do they believe they may have caused or deserved it, or are they quick to blame others?

He’d blame himself, not others. He’s not one to throw others under the bus.

21. What does your character like in other people?

I think he likes people that don’t care what others think ? Just people who are fun and adventurous and can always make sure you have a good time, no matter if its going to a theme park or just going to the convenience store at 2 am because you’re craving junk food. He likes fun, kind people.

22. What does your character dislike in other people?

He doesn’t like it when people won’t listen or continue to do things when he lets them know he does not appreciate it.

23. How quick is your character to trust someone else?

He’s probably quick to open up and trust others if they’re good people, but not 100%. 

24. How does your character behave around children?

25. How does your character normally deal with confrontation?

He tries to be a good example and not curse or anything around them minus his little sister...since she’s family so “she doesn’t count” lmaO.

Moth is a very honest person so usually he can avoid confrontations since there’s not much built up anger from avoiding certain things, but when arguments do happen he doesn’t handle them too well. He usually just takes time to himself for the rest of the day but later calls whoever he argued with and apologizes- even if it wasn’t his fault. He doesn’t like strife.

Never ever ever ever !! Moth is not violent at all. Even if he’s angry, he would never go out of his way to physically harm someone. 

26. How quick or slow is your character to resort to physical violence in a confrontation?

27. What did your character dream of being or doing as a child? Did that dream come true?

Moff probably has always wanted to be a fashion designer. He’s still working on it !

28. What does your character find repulsive or disgusting?

Onions ?? he can’t bring himself to swallow them they’re nasty, the texture probably makes him gag. I already said what he doesn’t like personality wise somewhere else here.

29. Describe a scenario in which your character feels most comfortable.

30. Describe a scenario in which your character feels most uncomfortable.

He finds comfort in those around him, not particularly the situation.

Anything dealing with fog.

I think I’ve answered this before, but he is open for criticism but it can be hard to deal with sometimes too for him. He would love to get better and when he asks for it he’s very willing to improve. When he made something he’s proud of and doesn’t ask for crit right away but gets it then he might feel a little upset since he was just trying to show something he really liked. He’ll eventually go back and look at it though and try to improve on the next thing.

31. In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve?

32. Is your character more likely to keep trying a solution/method that didn’t work the first time, or immediately move on to a different solution/method?

He would try it again if it doesn’t work out the first time, but if it keeps failing its obvious to him his method isn’t working so he would try to approach it at another angle.

33. How does your character behave around people they like?

He’s very sweet and kind and bubbly ! 

34. How does your character behave around people they dislike?

He’s a little cold and makes it very obvious to the person that he doesn’t like that he does not like them at all. I can only think of one person he’d be like that too lmaO....

35. Is your character more likely to remove a problem/threat, or remove themselves from a problem/threat?

He would remove himself from the situation rather than get rid of the problem itself, I feel.

36. How does your character treat people in service jobs?

Very well. He’s a kind boy and appreciates their service.

37. Does your character feel that they deserve to have what they want, whether it be material or abstract, or do they feel they must earn it first?

Moff probably feels like he has to earn it ? He works very hard, and feels its a lot more rewarding to get something after hard work than just being given something. Nonetheless he still likes getting gifts of stuff he likes, though...

38. Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them?

39. Has your character ever had a dependent figure who was not related to them?

No

[Void]

40. How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it?

Its very easy he loves to let people he loves know he loves them !!!!! He won’t say it if he doesn’t mean it.

[pokefanbri]

Im wasting my time, waiting for someone to come back for a deserved chance to do it right. Why though should I even ask of this, I know i shouldnt give a damn & im only prolonging my tears. I feel I cant succumb to acceptance of defeat just yet. I cant accept that hes gone & to move on just like that... its just not possible at least not now. But am I not allowing myself to heal fully either if im just waiting for him to put back the broken pieces he left? It should be up to me & the next guy to heal me right? But I can honestly say I've never felt this way about anyone before, & it makes it so much harder to let go 😔

I do blame myself, my life is flipped upside-down from my choices but I dont regret knowing him at least. I do regret realizing theres scrubs out there to avoid though but I don't want to believe he was one. I do feel worthless & unwanted, but I want to give my love to someone who deserves it, not to be pushed away but embraced & shared. I shouldn't have to seek or work for validation, acceptance & appreciation in a partner when it should just come naturally. I need someone to chose me for all the right reasons, cherish my fragile heart & the sacrifices I make for them, to truly love me & never let me go 😭 Seriously what do I have to do for a guy to love all of me back unconditionally!

Im only depressing myself more by still crying over him. Dont cry over spilt milk, but for me its a whole case or even a truck of gallons. I'd do anything to speak to him again, to hear his voice, his laugh, i actually cant stop thinking about him...even in times of struggle i think what would he do or if i need positivity or a laugh I imagine his & look at fond of memories...but it makes me weak too when I start to feel sad again. Cause anyone else would never give him the time of day, anybody else would say "fuck that guy he's a rightful dick, you're better off" But me, I dont care how it was... i choose to see good, when I shouldn't even fucking bother...but i forgave & thats what gets me the most & I get angry. Theres so many things that we could've done differently, things where we thrived instead. But somehow things lost its way & God knew we weren't ready. I want to believe at some point there was some kind of spark,shared love & admiration, that I want to come back to me. Even if im just kidding myself

I need to get him out of my mind somehow, but I dont want to. I want him in my life in some way regardless & idc if it hurts cuz that'll pass. U dont know the depth of love for someone til u lose them. And losing a loved one that was a huge part of your life in any sense, hurts to the core

I know im a hopeless fool & I shouldn't bother, theres someone else out there sure..whatever. Im not ready to let go, idk when itll happen but its not easy. If all we have is time, then why do I feel its too late 😭

Life after you. https://youtu.be/Cvm2OYF2p7E