#... idk. this is real pathetic of me no matter how i look at it

[starsteemer]

Thinking I don't want to post art anymore

[tortademaracuya]

.

[taintedcigs]

˚ 　　　 . ✧ 𝐒𝐔𝐂𝐊 𝐈𝐓 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐒𝐄𝐄

vol 1; made to break your heart — king!steve harrington x fgirl!reader

summary: in which you see your ex making out with someone else leaving you with no choice but to fall right into the lap of his enemy, steve harrington. (wc: 5.2k+)

warnings: smut smut smut, minors DNI, or*l sx (receiving and giving oop), some good ol’ bj, drinking, drgs, weed basically, no use of ‘y/n’, degrading, praises, LOTS OF PRAISES, they are both switches but idk if that counts??, nicknames! reader is kinda heartless basically a maneater, steve is an arrogant bastard, and hes got a big BIG di–heart. some lil’ eddie mention that u might miss if u blink!

authors note: i am kinda thinking a pt.2 of this IM open to all ideas, but i kinda am thinking of making it like a mini-series? and maybe introduce eddie in the second part, and then make part 3 steddie? mmmhmm? what do we think? my asks r open for all and any ideass anyways not proofread bc of my lazy ass. ignore any mistakes.

please like + reblog + interact to support me ! thank u ily

read vol 2 here

Booming music filled your ears, sweaty bodies swaying away from you but you couldn't care less.

Whispers from your back, collected gasps, and all you could do was watch. 

Fingertips clutched on your dress in fury, gaze unable to tear away from the scene playing out right in front of your eyes. 

Tina’s lips were locked onto Billy’s, you thought it was pretty soon to be swapping salivas considering it had been barely two days since he broke up with you. 

The red cup in your hand was almost smushed from the hardened impact of your fists, with a quick go, you downed it, ignoring Tommy and Carol’s cackles as they watched you. 

With a roll of your eyes, you were quick to turn away from them, ignoring your friends calling out for your name—you didn’t need this, you didn’t need to be pampered. You just needed a generous amount of drinks, and maybe someone to keep yourself busy with. 

Tina and her lame-ass party could go fuck themselves.

Billy was an asshole, no real surprise there. And you didn’t care, because the relationship had run its course, again. Tough shit. You were used to it. Another break up with him. 

You didn’t care about it, the only thing you cared about was him crossing the line, making out with another girl in front of everyone. 

Each break, the two of you fucked whoever you wanted to fuck, just to end up together again, drunkenly. But this time he made it everyone’s problem, and you couldn’t let him get away with that. 

The whispers, and the collective giggles every time you passed by were making your blood boil.

You couldn’t let that dipshit ruin your reputation, you weren’t going to pathetically pine over someone who could barely make you cum. And you weren’t going to let any of those gossiping assholes think otherwise. 

You stumble onto the porch with a string of curses leaving your pouty lips, quick to fish out a joint courtesy to that Munson kid, always providing you with the best weed, either free or cheap, depending on how much you adjusted your skirt or batted your lashes at him. 

Maybe, you should pay him a visit. For fucks sake, you’ve seen him play, and he could roll a joint blindfolded, he knew how to put those fingers to use.

You could just imagine the scorching look on Billy’s face, his velvety lips scrunched together, a sickening feeling sinking into his stomach, knowing that you fucked Eddie Munson, the guy he always went to get his weed from.

The idea of it brings a delicious smirk to your lips. But it wouldn’t be enough, no. You needed something more, something bigger. 

“Need a lighter, honey?” A coarse, smooth tone has your head cocking, the joint sitting on your lips rising with the impact. 

Steve fucking Harrington.

Falling right into your lap.

Billy would’ve flipped the fuck out if he knew. He always warned you about him, telling you that Harrington was off limits, no matter what. Well, until now. 

Your gaze locks with his, dangerous, filthy, and exactly where you want him. Before you can drag out the joint to answer him, he acts quicker, brushing his fingertips on your chin, almost tugging you closer to him, he licks his lips, wetting them with a chuckle.

With a gentle flicker of his lighter, the tip of the joint smolders, casting a warm glow to your face that accentuates the smirk curved on your lips. 

Your dress rides up your thighs when you straighten up, taking an inhale from the joint, you blow the smoke in his face without a care. He eyes each of your movements, the stupid grin sitting on his lips growing wider the more his eyes move up and down your body. You almost want to chuckle at how easy this is. 

But you also know Steve’s type, you have to make them chase you a little bit, give them a little thrill, before you finally give in. And you had already been doing that, for the longest time.

Always teasing him, but never giving in. Your hands always brushed past his bicep just enough to let him know you were interested, eyelashes always fluttered at him, teeth biting on your bottom lip as you checked him out. 

The little game had been fun, but you never plucked up the courage to fully give in to him, Billy would’ve lost his shit. Besides, you knew his type, and you didn’t want to be one of his other trophies. And you didn’t have to be, you just had to use him to get yourself off, and piss Billy off. The second you walked into a room with him, you knew the party would be buzzing with the gossip.

You had the perfect excuse, the perfect excuse to finally divulge your fantasies, all the cheerleaders always blabbered about him, calling him an ass, but an ass who knew how to properly use his fingers and that dangerous mouth.

Exactly what you fucking need.

You had been pent up enough for the months you were with Billy.

This would be a little reward. 

“All alone?” He was smug, he absolutely knew about the break-up and possibly saw Tina and Billy’s show, so he knew this was the perfect opportunity to have you in his palm. In a fucked up way, that made you want him more, the unspoken game grew more intense with that gaze of his, he had the same idea you did. The fucker was smooth. 

You nod curtly, not wanting to just fall into his lap. No matter how good he looked in those Levi’s jeans that cupped his ass perfectly. Why was he so fucking interesting to you? Arms all toned, face adorned with tiny moles, he almost seemed mystical. 

And oh god, his hair. That soft, perfectly layered chestnut brown locks, so effortlessly cool that you just wanted to run your hair through it, tugging at it the more his lips sucked on your clit.

God, the thought had your thighs pressing together uncomfortably. 

“A pretty girl like you shouldn’t be all alone at a party,” he pouted mockingly. “Where’s that boy toy of yours?” He tutted, hand dangerously planted on your back, ghosting over your hips. 

That elicited a giggle out of you, “Didn’t you hear all the rumors, pretty boy?” You leaned further, hand extending to offer him a huff. His attention was somewhere else though, eyes widening the more he admired you in that dress, showing off your curves in all the right way, tits almost busting out of your chest.

God, he had been waiting for this moment, an opportunity to have you, the second he fucking met you. But Billy got to you first.  

“We broke up.” That brought his attention back to you, a smirk played on his lips when he leaned into your hand, lips wrapping around the tip of the joint, he sucked on it but his dark amber eyes remained on you. 

With an inhale, “Good.” He mumbled, “knew that dipshit couldn’t handle someone like you.” 

“You need someone better take care of you…” he hummed, nose dipping closer to your features, “someone who knows how to handle all of this.” His hands were placed on your waist, traveling all over your body. 

Your breath was quick to get caught in your throat, a whine leaving your lips with how forward he was being.

And shit, you understood the appeal, you always did, but this time, you were sure your hunger for him grew faster than you intended to. You were in his palm, and you were more than okay with it. 

“Yeah?” You teased with a giggle, head falling on his shoulder, brain getting fuzzier. 

“I can make you forget him.” He’s bold, and it has your thighs rubbing together.

“By the time I’m done with you, you won’t even remember his name, or how to walk.” He’s so close to your ear, breath fanning against your breath as you almost shudder, but you play it off.

“You’re all talk, Harrington.” You licked your glossy lips, head slightly tilted to the side, teasing him just enough. 

“Oh, sweetheart, I know you’ve heard the rumors, and I know you want this as much as you do.” The cocky bastard licks his lips, and you want nothing more than to bite them.

“Oh, yeah?”

“The way you press your thighs together, that little whine you just did when I barely touched you… Tells me all I need to fuckin’ know.” He whispers, and you almost whine out when a sloppy kiss is planted on your neck, harsh and needy. 

“You’ll be screamin’ and beggin’ for me, angel.”

Your brows raise in interest. “That a promise?”

“Uh-huh.” He gives you a boyish grin.

“You’re on, King Steve.” 

It didn’t take the two of you long enough to find an empty bedroom, lips, and teeth clashing as soon as the door closed.

The wandering eyes of the party had followed you up until that point, so you knew as soon as the two of you left the room with your sexed-up looks, everyone would know.

And you would finally have a sweet release after months of Billy’s selfishness.

A win-win. 

You let his curious hands wander around your body, quick to almost rip off your dress, he wants to savor this moment, wants the image of your body engraved in his mind, stuck into the back of it just so he can fish it out whenever he can.

But he’s impatient, he’s waited for this. Wanted you longer than ever, and finally, you’re putty at his hands, ready to take whatever he’s going to give—or at least that’s what he thinks— And he’s feeling greedy. His mouth is pressed onto yours, sucking on your tongue before he lowers you down on the bed, you giggle softly when you sink into it, and Steve has never felt like this before, the hunger in his eyes ignites a spark of pleasure within you, quick to dampen your thighs with need. 

A shocked gasp escapes your lips once he unhooks your bra with his left hand. Oh, he’s good. “Pretty baby,” he murmurs before his mouth is latched onto your nipples. “Perfect fuckin’ tits,” He groans into your chest, hand toying with your lace panties, shaky breaths escape his lips as he earns more whines from you. 

You look ethereal, with your mouth hung open, teeth biting on your glossed-up lips, head thrown back. Just like he knew you’d be. 

The more he circles around your panties the more you feel that pent-up desire burning inside of you, all those orgasmless months with Billy, and Steve was going to elicit more with just a flick of his fingers than you ever had through the entire relationship. 

Maybe that’s why he always called you a bitch. 

“Steve,” your whines come out pathetically as he looks up at you, layered hair already disheveled and that goddamn smirk sitting on his pretty lips. 

“Already beggin’, honey?” He mocks with a grin, tugging on your nipple, all teeth and no mercy. His tongue is making its way further down, soft, wet strokes tickle your body. 

“Fuck off,” You spit at him, barely, words dying down your throat when he’s quick to rip away your lacy panties. His light honey eyes are so much darker now, head thrown back when he visually drinks in your glistening pussy.  

You look so fucking perfect, thighs spread apart, him between them, mouth hung open and ready to take all of him. He makes a mental image of it, burning it to the back of his mind. 

“C’mon sweetheart, let King Steve know what you want, what you really need.” His voice is smooth and coarse, fingertips circling around your clit harder the more you whine for him.

“Do you need my fingers, baby? My mouth?” You moan at that, audibly. It has him chuckling darkly once he realizes how depraved you really are, one touch from him and you’re already soaking his fingers, whining like a pretty little slut. 

If he knew how much you’d be such a good girl for him, he would’ve done this much sooner. Would’ve ruined your pretty little pussy for anyone else, Billy would’ve had no chance over him. 

“Has that asshole not been makin’ you cum?” It was more of a rhetorical question, but the way you shook your head with a pout, had him melting. He really had you and didn’t know how to take good care of you? What a fucking loser.

“Holy fuckin’ shit… not even with his mouth?” His eyes widened, he really didn’t think Billy would be that bad, everything was working to his advantage. 

“He- uh- he never…” You stammered, getting uncharacteristically embarrassed because it was, truly embarrassing. All those months with him, and half the time you faked it. Selfish prick.

“Never? Oh, baby…” He coos with a dangerous smirk, lip all pouty and mocking, “No wonder you were so desperate for me. You really needed this, huh?” He almost gave a chuckle, caressing your pussy with his middle finger, getting you all ready. 

“Jerk-” You want to curse out his cockiness, tell him you don’t need him. Keep him grounded, but the whines he’s pulling out of you are enough to make him grin like a Cheshire cat. 

Your breath gets shakier when his finger easies into your walls. “Sshh, relax, baby.” He coos. 

“I’ll make you feel so fuckin’ good, doll.” His fingers are slickly working their way in and out of you, filthy sounds mingling with your moans as his nose brushes over your clit, causing your hips to start rocking up to him. 

“Had this pretty little thing, and didn’t even know how to take care of it, hmm? What a waste,” He hummed sweetly, index finger thrusting in and out of your sloppy walls.

“If I had known you’d be this fuckin’ soaked, I would’ve done this much sooner,” he taunts, fingers curling inside of you, enjoying the way you gasp out and buck your hips for more. 

He dives in, pressing the flat of his tongue against your swollen lips, enjoying, fully tasting you. With a satisfied hum, he brings his eyes to meet yours, all fucked out, “Jesus fuckin’ Christ, had this sweet pussy but never even tasted it… What a fuckin’ dumbass… I’ll give you what you deserve, baby…” 

He’s going to explode soon, if he doesn’t make you cum and then fuck you senseless. He can feel his balls draw up more and more, each time you whine, each time you plead for his name as a whisper. 

He flicks the tip meticulously, giving you attention everywhere and anywhere, just like he knew you’d like it. “You know, I usually would never do this on a first date,” He mocks, grinning all mouthy and you attempt to dive his mouth further into you, to shut his arrogant ass up, and that fucker resists, “But god, you’re an exception… just begging to be fucked, you deserve this honey, can’t be selfish with you.”

His licks are heavenly, sucking on your clit like a man possessed, and his name falls from your lips in such a filthy way that you don’t even care how pathetic you look anymore. You accept it, you let him take full control, trashing beneath him. 

“You like that, angel?” His words are muffled into your cunt, the pad of his thumb still circling around your entrance while he sucks on your clit. Your head sinks further into the softness of the bed, eyes squeezed shut, breaking apart with just his tongue. He moans into your soppy walls, sending a shock wave of pleasure to ripple through you. 

He doesn’t even need your words, the visual of you squirming underneath him is enough to have him all bricked up, you taste like the sweetest sin. Velvety walls so tight that it has him bucking his hips into the bed, desperate for some friction, he needs you. And he’s sure he never wanted someone this badly before. 

“So fuckin’ special, aren’t you? Such a desperate baby…” You can feel his bulge against your thigh, sitting prettily and throbbing against his boxers. You always heard how big he was, but fuck, you finally get to feel it, and it’s glorious. 

And he twitched in his boxers just from eating you out? God, he was fucking perfect.  

He dips his head just enough to muffle out a few more words, “I wanna taste you fully, angel. Want you to soak my tongue.” He dives in before you can reply, eliciting dirtier moans from you, alternating between his fingers and his tongue. 

He doesn’t care about anything else but you, he wants you panting for him, cumming all over his tongue while you scream his name. 

Your thighs start to shake once he pushes two fingers inside of you, gentle but rough enough to have you squirming and bucking your hips more into him, you’re at his mercy, and he loves how tight you are. Just the thought of your tight cunt milking his cock dry has his eyes rolling. 

“S-steve,” you breathe out roughly, enjoying how his tongue is licking up that sweet spot. “I know baby,” he taunts all cockily, admiring the way your thighs shake with need. You’re going to cum soon and that prick can feel it. 

“N-need to cum, please,” your pleading is unintentional, you just need a desperate release, and he’s so fucking good. 

“Cum for me, angel, be a good girl for me, yeah?” Your eyes squeeze shut at the praise, and he takes note of that, admiring the way you tighten around his tongue and fingers at the praise. 

His fingers are quick, making you scream out his name louder and louder. “That’s it pretty girl… cum for me.” Arrogant fuck, you wish to say, but the way he laps up your juices has you whining like a little slut. And his smirk grows wider, a wet patch forming on his boxers with how hard he’s straining them, pathetically needing to be inside of you. 

You tremble, trash, squirm beneath him, his touches and stripes of licks finally enough to have your stomach twisting, with final screams of “Steve!” and “F-fuck!” the coil inside of you snaps, orgasm overtaking you with such force that your eyes are glued shut.

A gush of sweetness trickles along Steve’s tastebuds, you taste so fucking good that it drives him even crazier, lapping up at your juices and not stopping until he’s sure you’ve collapsed under him. 

He’s grinning like crazy, lips all glossy with your juices, and he looks so fucking pretty like this. It makes you want to return the favor. 

So badly. And the need to know if the title Big Daddy Steve really suits him or not stirs your stomach, your core pooling with need. If it’s true, your mouth waters with the desire to have him, he looks delicious, and you know he’ll look much more yummy while he’s fucking your mouth, pretty praises leaving his pale rosy lips. 

The avoidant part of you screams at you to not do this, but your core is begging for more. 

Maybe, just maybe, you could return the favor but still toy with him, take control, and mess with his mind. 

Enough to have him begging, pleading for more from you. 

As if he can hear your dilemma, he drags you back in, wrapping his fist around your hair as he pulls you toward him and draws your bottom lip into his mouth, all teeth, sucking with an exaggerated hum, “Do you like the way you taste on my tongue?” He mutters against your ear, licking a stripe of your neck. 

Jesus, fuck. Now, you had to return the favor. 

“Tastes so sweet,” you giggle, you are going to suck him off, but you are going to lead the way now. A smirk gleams on your lips. Teasingly, your hands trace the edge of his boxers, enough to earn a rude whine from him as you squeeze him through the harsh fabric. 

You’re quick to yank his shirt off of him without a warning, and he’s quick to flaunt his well-muscled, heaving chest. 

Asshole. 

With a strong flip, you manage to straddle him, taking him by surprise while you grin at him, and to say Steve is intrigued would be an understatement, his cock twitches at your brow raise. “What are you doing, baby?” He still manages to be so cool that your thighs ache. 

“Returning the favor,” you shrug with a smirk, eliciting low grumbles from him when you lower yourself on his chest, leaving sloppy kisses, mouth tracing a trail that leads to his delicious v-line. 

You lift the elastic away from his waist, freeing his throbbing tip, the red tip slaps against his abdomen, and your brows pinch together in astonishment admiring it. 

Jesus fucking Christ, he was not all talk. 

King Steve, indeed.

You had to hand it down to those gossipy cheerleaders, they had described him to a t, perfect girth, slightly bent to the left, and big, really fucking big, you probably needed to use your hands along with your glossed lips to take all of him in. 

He chuckled at your expression, basking in the glory of your widened eyes, “Like what you see, angel?” Another taunt, but you ignore it with a smirk this time. Pooling saliva in your mouth, you spit on the angry tip, Steve hisses at the impact and watches with a low grumble once you wrap your palm around his shaft. 

He reveled in how perfectly your soft manicured fingers looked around his delicate bubblegum pink tip, attending to his every need.

Your warm fingers are working their way around his cock, coating his length with your spit as you tugged at it gently, causing his eyes to nearly roll back in his head.

He tries his best to swallow his groans, but his hips desperately jerk up at your hand, desperately fucking it, rendering you speechless.

“You like that, baby?” Your tone was teasing, and if he didn’t feel like he was about to explode he would’ve gripped your hair and fucked your mouth with such roughness that all that you would be thinking about would be his huge cock, punishing you for being such a tease, but he was the one wrapped around your finger now, literally.  

“S’big, Stevie,” you coyly batted your lashes at him, and a shuddered breath left your parted lips as you looked up at him between his thighs. 

He almost wept at the sight, shit shit shit, you were all of his dreams wrapped into one, and he could barely speak. Your palm easily glided down his length, saliva working as a lubricant as you teased him further. 

Your other palm was quick to cup his balls, massaging them and giving them a gentle tug, while your other hand still glided down his length, enjoying the way he struggled not to let out loud groans in your hold.

Without any other word, your head tilted down, quick to mouth the tip of his intense tip, it was almost hot to touch, waiting to be attended to, so needy. Just like him.

You swipe his tip, collecting his pearl of pre-cum gently. “Jesus f-fuck!” Pathetic coarse whines leave his parted lips, he lets you take control, eyes clenched tightly. 

You give his tip more kitten licks, trying to get your throat ready for his lengthy cock. “Just like that, honey,” He praises with his head thrown back, he avoids looking into your eyes, knowing that the fucked out look on your face as your pouty lips wrapped around his cock would be enough to have him spill down your throat in seconds.

And it would be a bit embarrassing for Steve, to lose his reputation to you in a matter of seconds.

“More…” He demands, but you ignore it while you continue your teasing sweet flicks on his tip, feeling him twitch around your tongue.  “Pretty girl,” He whines and jolts his pelvis for more, desperate and needy. Just where you want him.

“Mhmm?” You whine with your mouth full, it sends a rush of pleasure through him, “Suck it, baby,” he whines again, this time pained with need. Your greedy eyes smile up at him and he’s sure you have done something to him.

Because he never wanted to cum this bad before. He wants to wipe that smirk off your face while you gag on his cum, struggling to swallow all of it as it spills down your cheeks, glistening your breasts, ruining that gloss forever, and instead, you walk around with his semen all over your face and lips.

It pulls a twisted groan out of him, you make him feel so perverted and he can’t fucking help himself. You finally accept his pleas, and with one glorious tug, you finally wrap your lips around his cock, fully, getting teary-eyed each time you try to take more of his flesh.

Steve can’t help himself, his head is dipped down, and he immediately feels his balls ache at the visual of you, crystal tears staining your cheeks, and even then, that lewd look did not leave your eyes.

“F-fucking slut, just like that,” His groans are uncontrollable, hips bucking further into your mouth. You don’t let him yank you by your hair, just yet. You let your mouth adjust to him, sucking him deep and tight. 

“Such a good girl, suckin’ my cock with all she has, mmpf.” His praise has your core clenching, damn him. 

He admires your pouty lips fully wrapped around his flesh, sucking and hollowing your cheeks as you wail for him, “Shit, shit, baby, l-look so pretty with my cock down your throat, mmhmm…” He coos, words incoherent.

“Will look even prettier with my cum shooting down that throat, isn’t that right, angel?” You hummed in agreement, looking up at him with your dark, hooded gaze, an unintentional grin playing on your lips.

He mumbled a string of curses, praising you, worshipping you. You continued your stroke on his base harshly, working the head with your tongue, a new angle that had him go absolutely insane. 

“Mmmhmm, need your cum, Stevie.” You mumbled, momentarily letting your hand do all the work before you dove back in, taking his stiff cock deep in your throat, he had been struggling before, but your words were his last straw.

Because it was exactly what he fucking wanted, owning your mouth, and fucking it with ease. 

His palm turned into a fist the second he held your hair, yanking it down as he pushed you further down on his cock, enjoying the way it hit the back of your throat, you gagged around it, all teary and Steve’s head fell back in pure ecstasy. “Y-yes, yes, fuck!” 

“Gonna cum, baby, mmmpf, god-” He panted, his cock twitching more and more you sucked on him.

“Gonna fuckin’ s-shit-” He shuddered, thighs shaking while your throat continued to squeeze the tip of his cock, and once you gave his balls some more attention, he knew he was a goner. 

“Fuckin’ give i-it to you,” He barely let out when his eyes glued shut together, almost rolling to the back of his head when you gagged around his cock, with a glorious groan of “Fuuuuuck!” Steve came in your mouth, hips still bucking into your throat as a spurt of his warm load spilled down your throat, coating it nicely. 

You only let go of his softened cock with a ‘pop!’ sound once you made sure you sucked him dry, swallowing all of it while Steve watched you with such a dazzled look that it almost made you want to do more with him. But, no. This had been enough.

You enjoyed his salty taste in your mouth and the way his fingers and mouth worked inside of you. And that was enough for you. For now.

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ,” He grumbled a chuckle that had you grinning and winking at him. God, men really were easy. One blowjob and Steve was already looking at you like you were the most precious thing in his life. 

You had to go easy on him, tell him that you weren’t going to let him fuck you.

Because you got what you wanted, an orgasm, and the reputation of fucking “King Steve”, everyone would be gossiping about the two of you by now, it was a matter of time before that douchebag found out.

He tried to pull you in for a kiss, but you were quick to dodge it, getting up from the softness of the bed with a groan while Steve curiously eyed you. 

His brows were quick to pinch together, watching the way you easily slipped your tight dress on your body while you admired yourself in the mirror. Rubbing your lips together to fix your gloss, fingertips cleaning over the smeared mascara running down your cheeks.

“W-what are you doing?” He inquired, his face quick to fall down. 

You shrugged nonchalantly, “I want to go dance,” brows then raised in excitement “Ooohh! Maybe I could get some more weed, have you seen Munson around?” You questioned, that lustful look still dancing in your eyes.

“Uhhh…” he stammered, still confused on what the fuck just happened. “Y-yeah I think-”

“Thank fuckin’ god!” You hummed with a giggle, rushing over to his side, sloppily planting a kiss on his cheek, all shiny and smeared with his juices.

You were halfway through the door when Steve’s protests stopped you. “Wait, wait, wait!” He straightened up, softened cock and all, his glistening chest was begging to be touched, but as you decided, not today.

“What the fuck? I thought-”

“What?” You asked cluelessly, brows raised. 

“We were just getting started, angel,” He tried, but his voice wasn’t as arrogant or confident as it was before, and it took you so much to not let your lips twitch into a smirk. 

One orgasm and he was already broken? Steve was fun to play with it.  

Your giggle at him would’ve felt mocking if you didn’t do it so prettily, Steve just watched in awe. 

The poor boy. 

“You didn’t think it would be that easy, would you?” You tilted your head with a pout. Oh, you were good, he had to give you that.

Because once he literally got a taste of you, he wasn’t going to stop. 

His lips kissed his teeth, it was surely hypocritical of him to think this was unfair since that’s what he always did to other girls. 

“But–”

“See you around, pretty boy,” you cooed, throwing a wink toward his way, and shutting the door with that. Leaving Steve all alone. 

He had never felt this way before. The way his cock twitched just the thought of you again had his mind flooding, you used him, gave him the best fucking head of his life, and then left. 

Maybe this game would’ve pissed him off if someone else did it to him, if it was any other girl he would’ve lost interest, thinking she was trying too fucking hard, but it was you.

And all it did was drive Steve crazier, and make the chase all the more fun, and Steve was nothing, if not persuasive. 

[imrllytootiredforthis]

you know how cats like when you scratch above their tailbone

that but with lee know, like

if your fucking him from behind, just scratch and stroke over his tailbone, its enough to get him coming untouched

and the way he mewls like a kitten...

kitty~

lee know x reader

warnings: dom reader, sub lee know, reader fucking him though could be w a strap or a dick, cumming untouched, kitty lino, idk what else

a/n: help, help, help, anon you are 😵‍💫🙏, this is really short and kinda shit bc i haven't written in forever but found this in my inbox and couldn't resist

it happens when you're fucking into him, ass up and head buried into the pillows bc poor baby is too embarrassed to let you hear the downright slutty whines and pleads dripping from his lips one after another as you ram into prostate over and over.

any other day you'd tug him up by his hair, wrap your hand around his throat and pull his back flush to your chest. making his head spin by placing your lips beside his ear, teeth nipping at his earlobe while you whispered such dizzying things to him.

but you're feeling nice today-or cruel.

with you, he finds that the two are often intertwined; one and the same really. able to bring him to the brink of insanity, leaving him drowning in the pool of your desire.

mercy is delivered in the form of sweet words and honeyed praises that seep into his skin, making him delirious like venom. and mercy is injected into him in the cruel way you thrust, pulling hoarse whines from him with every jolt of your hips: rough, demanding, animalistic, just the way he likes it.

"oh kitty~" you coo, and he mewls, proving the point you've made. "so pathetic." and you were right. you make him feel like he's melting, drooling into a puddle for you to mold and remake into whatever you pleased.

you sigh, "so messy," another truth, you were almost worried for your sheets with the amount of pre-cum he was leaking. "you gonna purr for me next? like a good kitty?"

he clenched around you, delightfully so.

he just looks so much like a cat right now.

the cat ears you had so lovingly placed in his hair, matching in colour so well they fit in seamlessly they might as well be real.

the way his hips sway, grinding back onto you to match your thrusts. you swear if he had a tail it would be flicking back and forth. wrapping around your thigh or ankle, trying to find some form of holding onto you- stay sane in the depths of this haze.

you were sure if he could purr, it would be loud enough for you to hear no matter how much he'd try to hide them. you could still hear his muffled mewls and cute hiccupy gasps even now.

just like a cat.

your pretty kitty, your lino.

and maybe...just maybe...

experimentally, cautiously (because much like a cat, you knew he didn't need to be provoked much to bite) you pressed your hand, lightly against his tailbone.

his reaction was immediate, and obvious, startlingly so.

his back arched. his thighs trembling, keening as he pressed back against you, grinding needily, like he couldn't get enough, like he could never get enough.

so you pressed slightly harder, rubbing small circles to the area, ripping high desperate mewls as he spasmed around you. unable to help his head snapping back, looking at you with wide, watery eyes as he came, dirtying the already ruined bedding with his spend.

you couldn't bring yourself to care at this point.

and he couldn't either.

you hummed, amused as you watch him slump onto the dirtied sheets, completely boneless. a quiet cry following when you slipped out of him.

"well that's something new~"

"-you...-you are never doing that again." he huffs, quietly, with little deliberation. with just enough force, in a way that you know he's going to be begging for it in less time than one may think with a stubborn, steadfast man such as your lino.

you only laughed and he shuddered at the sound.

"we'll see, kitty."

a/n: please, please give me a little slack if this is awful-the thoughts took over i wrote this in like half an hour in a moment of weaknessssss😫 i can't control them anymoreeeee

also ik i have a taglist i'll prolly get that out later today if i ever get it out at all😭

[totheblood]

true blue. (one)

pairing: modern!ellie williams x reader

summary: ellie has a new philosophy: don't fall in love and you won't get your heart broken. ellie also has a really cute new friend. ellie admires some birds in this chapter idk if thats significant

warnings: 18+ (as a general rule for this series and my blog as a whole) suggestive themes, eventual smut, drug/alcohol usage, cursing, descriptions of abusive behavior (neither ellie or reader engages in these behaviors)

a/n: i am hoping to make this a series if enough people like it and want me too... i really appreciate support and feedback through asks and replies/reblogs, it all means so much to me. also i have this whole thing planned out and i plan for it to be very messy hehe... i love drama idk

This year was going to be different.

At least that’s what Ellie told herself as she gripped the straps of her worn out backpack. All of the classes her and Cat had planned to take together this semester she had quickly transferred out of by the end of the summer, causing her to rack up an impressive list of classes on her schedule nobody wanted to take. 

“Fuck,” Ellie cursed under her breath as she rushed towards the building her literature seminar was in. “I’m going to be so late.” She was practically cursing herself for waking up so late that morning, her bed seeming much more welcoming than the professor who had 1 star on ‘rate my professors.’ She knew she had fucked up, but at this moment she didn’t really care.

As she made her way down the chestnut lined hallway, she frantically checked the door numbers on each door, cursing each time the door number didn’t align with the one she was supposed to be in. When she did find her classroom at the end of the hallway, she had to steady herself with a few deep breaths before entering. Throughout all of this, however, one thought rang clear through her mind: Fuck Cat.

Ellie never really liked to refer to herself as heartbroken, but that was the nicest way she could put the state that Cat had left her in. Ellie always knew she liked girls and while she had many crushes, and a few kisses, Cat was her first real girlfriend. She was the first person to hold Ellie’s hand in public, post lame birthday posts on Instagram, and the first person to give her an orgasm. But if she was being really honest with herself, her first orgasm belonged to her own hand.

Cat had served as a turning point in Ellie’s life and up until this point she was almost certain  that she had been in love with her. Almost. There was always this sinking feeling that whatever feelings she had for the girl was most likely orchestrated by pure hormones. She couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was that made her feel that way, but there always seemed to be something missing from their relationship. 

Little to Ellie’s knowledge, however, was that was just who Cat was. She made you feel like you were on top of the world, the only person in the universe who could cure her ills, and the only person who got her. She made you feel special, and at the time, that was exactly what Ellie was craving. She needed a person who looked at her like she aligned the stars, and that person was Cat.

Until it wasn’t. Quickly towards the end of the summer Cat got bored and all of the love notes Ellie had written her were quickly discarded within an hour of reading them. She continued to pull away until there was no trace of her left in Ellie’s life. To make matters worse, she broke up with Ellie over text, leaving her dazed and confused. There was nothing left for her to do except to run to Dina’s house and cry in her lap. She hated how pathetic she looked as Dina stroked her hair and shooed Jeese off with the flick of her hand. It was safe to say Ellie was completely over relationships.

Fuck Cat, she thought again, but decided that it being a thought wasn’t enough.

E: Fuck Cat.

D: yea fuck that bitch

Deciding that the text had done enough to calm her nerves, she pushed through the threshold into the classroom. She must’ve not realized how intimate of a class this was when she signed up for it because as she entered all ten of the people in the room now locked eyes with her, and the old man sitting at the front of the table threw her a disappointed look.

“Ellie Williams, I presume?” he questioned, looking at his roster in front of him.

“You do presume.” She awkwardly answered, only receiving a chuckle from a girl sitting at the far end of the table. Ellie looked up to see who it was that laughed at her poorly timed joke but just saw you trying to hide the smile on your face by pretending to write notes.

“You can sit at any open seat, I was just discussing the syllabus.” He told her, his tone sharp. 

“Okay, thanks.” Ellie mumbled under her breath, moving to sit at the open seat next to you considering you seemed like you might be the friendliest person in this room. She quickly moved to get her notebook out but internally cursed herself out for the fifth time that day because she completely forgot her pencil case in her dorm. She decided to save herself the embarrassment of asking if anyone had a pen, so she just continued to ruffle through her bag even though she knew it wasn’t there.

“You looking for something?” you leaned over to whisper to her, still causing her to jump back slightly.

“Yea, a pen?” She whispered back, laughing under her breath to pretend like she wasn’t completely embarrassed right now.

“Here.” A black pen balanced in between your fingers as you offered it to her. She sheepishly thanked you before taking it, making sure your fingers didn’t touch. 

“There will be one main assignment in this class as you can see on the syllabus.” Ellie, obviously not in her element, looked around at all the packets each person was holding. As if you could sense the nerves on her, you shoved your packet in between the both of you, pointing to the assignment the professor was discussing. 

“It is a partner based project and since there are only ten of you I hope this won’t be an issue.” He continued on. “And as you can see it is worth 60% of your grade.” Fuck this, Ellie thought to herself yet again, and fuck Cat too, she added for good measure.

The rest of the 90 minute class went as well as you could imagine, Ellie only having to stop herself from falling asleep three times. When the class was over and she began to collect her things Ellie looked over to where you were stuffing your laptop into your backpack. 

“Hey,” she managed to get out, her fingers fidgeting with her rings. “Would you want to be partners for the project?” 

You let out a breath of relief smiling both to her and yourself. “I would love that actually.” 

“Ok, good.” Ellie chuckled to herself about how nervous she was over something so small “I thought you might’ve thought I was like super unprepared or something since I was late and the pen.” Her eyes widened the pen. “Oh shit, your pen.” Ellie moved to take her backpack off and give back your pen but you abruptly stopped her by placing your hand on her forearm. Your hand right over the very spot Cat had tattooed. 

“Keep it,” you offered her a genuine smile before handing your phone over to her “and put your number in here.” 

Ellie may not have noticed it but she blushed. A part of her knew you were just being kind and you needed her number to work on the project but if this was any other setting this would be considered flirting. Ellie nervously took your phone in her hand and inserted her number and name with a little planet emoji next to it. When she handed the phone back to you she scanned your face for a reaction, smiling to herself when she saw your very own smile. 

“Ellie,” you looked back up at her “nice name.” All Ellie could do was let the tips of her ears turn red as she thanked you. When you offered her your own name and she repeated it back to you, she liked the way it felt on her tongue. She wondered what you wou- No, she wasn’t doing this again.

“I’ll text you tonight about getting started.” You informed her, now slinging your own bag over your shoulder.

“Looking forward to it.” She stated simply, her own feet planted to the floor.

“I presume you are.” You replied with a giggle before turning around and leaving Ellie feeling fuzzy.

Fuck.

The rest of Ellie’s day was uneventful to say the least. She saw a few birds eating a sandwich and thought it was cute, but besides that (and you), her day was boring. She was hoping that this year would be different, that she would be miles ahead of where she was when she met Cat, but she knew she was just worse. She wanted anything, a rebound, a distraction to pull her mind off Cat but all she could do was stare at her ceiling and try not to cry. Or that’s what she was doing until her phone buzzed from it’s place on her stomach.

Y: hey, it’s me

E: Who's me?

Y: pen dealer, duh

E: I thought dealers were supposed to be more discreet.

Y: you know a lot about dealers?

E: I’ve seen a few movies.

Y: nothing is like the movies, be fr

Y: anyways, do you want to meet up to discuss the project tomorrow? we could meet at beans?

E: Yeah, sure. 10?

Y: sounds good, bring cash

E: For? I use apple pay.

Y: for the pens… it was a joke nvm

E: Dumb joke.

The next morning Ellie had to drag herself out of bed so she wouldn’t be late to meet you. She groaned as she watched her roommate sleeping peacefully in her bed while she so desperately wished it could be her. For some reason that she couldn’t place, Ellie found herself smoothing down her hair and checking her teeth in the mirror. She even sprayed some perfume before she left, coughing as she accidentally inhaled some of the liquid. Why was she doing this again?

She saw you through the window of the coffee shop, leaned over your computer screen lost in thought. You tucked your pen between your lips and Ellie couldn’t help but feel like a freak staring at you from the other side. You looked so at peace with your hair tied up and your eyes carefully scanning the screen. Ellie wondered what it would feel like to not have a million things going through your mind at once. 

When she approached you she made a mental note of how your eyes lit up when you saw her. You had known her for a second and you had already looked at her with more adoration that Cat did towards the end of their relationship. 

“Hey, customer.” You joked, as you watched Ellie sit down across from you. 

“You don’t know how to let a joke die, do you?” She questioned jokingly, a warm feeling in both her face and her chest.

“I do not.” You said matter of factly.

The two of you discussed the project, throwing in occasional conversation and jokes when the material got too daunting. After about an hour had passed and the two of you were already feeling burnt out, Ellie suggested you take a walk around campus to “get some fresh air” and “clear your heads.” In reality, she was already growing tired of this project and just wanted to hear your voice ramble on about something other than American Literature.

It was a cool day, and the slight breeze caused both you and Ellie to squint the entire time. There was something so calm about the energy between the two of you. It wasn’t passionate or overwhelming like it was with Cat, but comforting. It was lulling Ellie into a sense of security, but she knew it couldn’t last long. 

“Where are you from?” Ellie spoke up. “Did you grow up around here?”

“Close-ish, I guess.” You answered. “I’m from a town north called Star Valley.” 

“Oh shit, you’re right by Jackson.” Ellie exclaimed. 

“Yea, you’re from Jackson?” The idea that you too lived this close and this was your first time meeting almost seemed criminal to Ellie.

“Yeah, me and my friends grew up there. I’m originally from Boston, though, I moved there with my..” You gave her time to speak, it being painfully obvious she was going to have trouble explaining the situation. “Like my dad? He’s not really my dad, he’s just Joel.” She decided to dumb down her complicated relationship with him for the sake of time. You, however, did not try to get any information out of her, or immediately try to get her to be vulnerable with her like Cat did at the beginning of the relationship. You just smiled at her and continued on with the conversation. 

Ellie liked this. She liked being able to have a conversation with a pretty girl that didn’t make her feel like she was tearing herself open just to bond with you. You two were just bonding in the simplest way people could. The sick and sinister part of her, however, was telling her to leave immediately. To avoid the trouble that another heartbreak would bring her. 

That part of her was starting to win over slowly as she remembered the promise she made to herself. She quickly excused herself and told you she would text you about meeting up again to work on the project. Her brain was telling her run, run, run, but she could tell you were still standing there staring as she walked away towards the direction of her building. 

Later that night, after a cool shower and a few hits of her pen, Ellie found herself ranting to Dina over text again.

E: I’m so fucked.

D: what???

E: I’m working with this really hot girl on a project for one of my classes and today we were walking together and it all seemed normal, like toooo normal, so I left. Like I no joke was like “Bye” mid conversation and LEFT HER THERE. What is wrong with me?

D: what happened to ‘i’m never talking to another girl again’?

E: I’m not.

D: …

E: I’M NOT.

E: IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER SHE PROBABLY THINKS I’M A FREAK FOR RUNNING AWAY TODAY

D: true

E: ?????

D: idk why you would do that so i’m not going to lie to you

D: i would think you are a freak

E: Ok, fuck you.

D: what does she look like?

E: Hot. 

D: oh yes thank you for painting such a vivid picture

D: SEND A PICTURE YOU FREAK

E: You are so mean to me.

Ellie felt the need for validation so she did what any normal person would in that situation: she went to instagram and typed in your full name. To her surprise, there you were, smiling as bright as the sun in your profile picture. Ellie suddenly felt like a kid again scanning through your photos, blushing and smiling to herself as she looked at you, losing focus of her original motive. She didn’t realize how far she had scrolled down until she was stopped by the sight of a familiar face. In a post dated over a year ago it was you kissing another girl. 

And that girl was Cat.

[twice-in-a-blue-moon]

Pathetic Solomon HCs

Implied Sub! Solomon x GN! Dom! reader

AN: Idk what the hell I'm doing posting so much, but figured I'd ride the train of creativity and inspiration while it lasts. For the record, most of these things aren't inherently pathetic, but that's just what I'm calling this post. Anyways, mwah! Enjoy, you heathens! 😈

Warnings: Premature ejaculation, spitting, dry humping, pillow humping, slight humiliation, slight degradation, thigh riding, pegging (no implied anatomy so do with that as you will), quick mention of a potential virgin Solomon... If I missed anything, please let me know! :)

Minors DNI!

Pathetic Solomon who is an absolute pillow princess. He talks a big game, but the moment his head hits the pillow and you take control, he’s all yours. 

Pathetic Solomon who cums the moment your warm and wet mouth/hole takes his needy cock because it’s been so long since he’s been with someone. He’ll apologize profusely while his ears burn and his eyes fill with tears from the sheer embarrassment.  

Alternatively, pathetic Solomon who’s still a virgin and just as susceptible to cumming prematurely. The waves of pleasure that ripple through him leave him a babbling, incoherent mess. You just feel so heavenly around him. <3

Pathetic Solomon who misses you so much he humps your pillow when you’re away. The smell of you embedded in the fabric and the vision of you underneath him on the very pillow he’s thrusting against makes him desperate for the real thing. 

Pathetic Solomon who is absolutely mortified when you walk in on him, catching him in the act. Knowing that you saw him shamelessly using your pillow for relief causes him to make minimal eye contact with you for the rest of the day, ignoring the smug look on your face and praying you won’t notice the hardening of his cock as he passes by in the halls as humiliation bubbles up in his chest.

Pathetic Solomon who gets off on your scolding, trying to act all aloof and sly during your rough lecturing, though the hint of a blush and the tent in his pants gives his true thoughts away. 

Pathetic Solomon who eventually cracks when it becomes too much and begs with a pitiful “please…” for you to sit on his lap and dry hump him as you continue your scolding. He’ll bury his face in your neck, wrapping his arms around you tightly as if pleading with you to never stop.

Pathetic Solomon who rides your thigh when he’s feeling particularly brave. A light dusting of pink on his cheeks creeps up every time you bounce your leg up into his crotch, becoming breathless as he inches closer to his climax.

Pathetic Solomon who enjoys having you spit in his mouth, or spit on him in general, as you ride him. His pink tongue sticking out in a silent plea, and who’s eyes roll back when the glob slides down his throat. He won’t swallow it until you tell him he can…or rather demand that he does. He does so without thought as you fuck him silly. 

Pathetic Solomon who lets you peg him. His face is buried in the pillows as he grabs at the bedsheets until his knuckles are white. He loves how you take him, rough and hard, soft and slow, doesn’t matter to him. Just keep using him, and please never stop. 

Pathetic Solomon who tries to top occasionally and gets a little too enthusiastic to the point his dick will pop out of your hole because he just wasn’t paying attention. His hips will be thrusting wildly and sloppily without pause, enjoying the feeling, and he just cocks back too far to the point he pulls out suddenly. He turns positively red, giving a sheepish smile and a quick “sorry” as he directs it back in slowly before starting up again.

[chuunai]

hello !! idk if you’ll see this but for the 100 followers celebration, may i please request pm! chuuya + (17) wondering if they deserve you or not + (6) “just look at you, then look at me” ?? maybe it’s like he gets doubts and worries, especially when he sees reader getting interactions with others and considering his job and what it means for the reader? but… um, could it end with fluff, please? also, could it be a fanfic, pretty please? i do apologize if this is way too specific !!

once again, congratulations on 100 followers, you totally deserve it, your writing is absolute heaven !! have a nice day/night/afternoon !!

I love specific people and things no worries and thank you I adore your fanfics too!

✧˚ · . right by you - chuya nakahara

he doesn’t deserve you. not when you’re so good.

summary ⋆ ★ comfort, fluff, unrequited love (supposedly), SFW → minor (barely any) angst with happy ending.

Chuuya Nakahara didn’t deserve you.

Nor the air you breathed, or the space you shared with him at the Port Mafia. He didn’t deserve any of that.

Chuuya had always considered himself an okay person. He killed people, but it was for the sake of Yokohama’s safety—subsequently, your safety. In the eyes of others, he’s a piece of shit through and through (that, he doesn’t deny). But in your eyes, he’s just a guy trying to do what’s best for his subordinates and city. In your eyes, he’s just Chuuya.

It’s a bit odd, honestly.

Having feelings for his subordinate.

It fucked with his mind too.

The Port Mafia was no place for love. Look at Higuchi pining over Akutagawa like a lovesick high schooler—that’s clearly going nowhere. So it’s not like he’d have a chance with you, anyway. Not when you’re so good, too. So, so much better than he ever could be.

Someone like you—who regularly brought cookies to the Mafia’s HQ to ‘boost morale’—didn’t deserve a fake human like him. One who was a vessel of a god. The fake Chuuya Nakahara. No matter how much evidence said he was the real one, he couldn’t believe it. Just look at him, then at you. No, you’re the real human.

And he’s a fucked up mess that also happens to be a murderer.

Great boyfriend material.

In the middle of his self-deprecation, a knock hit his door. Probably Tachihara, that smug bastard. Not like he was doing anything, anyways. Taking one last look at the ceiling of his office, Chuuya called out.

“Yeah yeah, door’s open. Come in.”

Instead of that redhead, it was you.

Shit.

He was sure your shift was over. It was what, eight at night now? You got off right around now, so you had no reason to see him. Yet his cheeks flushed up anyway as a pointless attempt at faking a cough was done to hide the obvious reddening. Mentally cursing himself for for being so childlike with his feelings, he sat up in his chair, pretending to write on a document.

“Need something?”

He’d do it. Just ask. Wait—that’s pathetic.

“No, but the others and I are going out to drink. You wanna come?”

Chuuya perked up immediately, already imagining the taste of red wine sliding down his throat and warming up his body. He loved drinking. Helped to get his mind off his problems—namely, you. His fingers drummed on the wood of his desk, a small hum drifting from his lips as he thought of the potential consequences.

He could get drunk and act stupid in front of you. Or accidentally harass you. Or end up blabbering his head off about Dazai again. Or-

Snapping out of his daze when he saw you awkwardly standing there waiting for his response, he shrugged.

Fuck it. It’d be fine.

“Sure. Usual bar?”

You nodded, fiddling with the hem of your sleeves. You always did that when you were nervous. A small wave of worry washed over him. Did he make you nervous? Shitshitshit. What’d he do?

Standing up, he quickly organized some papers—recent missions and current objectives—into piles on his desk, palms slightly sweaty from the fact that you were watching him. Chuuya didn’t like how he always was a wreck around you. It wasn’t gonna make him good in your eyes, is what he thought. Lord, he wished he knew what would make you like—no, love—him back.

“Let’s go now then, yeah? We can get a head start on the others. Don’t want Tachihara to brag his ass off about being first again.”

He offered a small attempt at a smile, cheeks rosy and all. It was nothing compared to when you smiled, though. Like an angel. His angel. Holy fuck. He’s really gotta stop daydreaming about you when you were in the damn room with him.

Leading the way, he carefully kept to your side throughout the long hallways of the Port Mafia’s HQ, occasionally stopping to discuss a quick matter or two with one of his assistants. When someone bumped into you, he hesitantly placed a hand on your back to keep you steady and remind the other grunts that you were under his protection.

Although that still didn’t stop the dreamy stares at you.

Or the jealousy that Chuuya felt after. He knew that he wasn’t good enough for you, and he respected that. But these guys didn’t. No, they thought they somehow had a chance with you—a living, breathing angel—and that irked him. Shouldn’t they be grateful for just getting to see you? He was, anyway. He’d take all that he could get.

Including this short walk.

Lasting for only three minutes or so, soon you two were out in the chilly night air of the parking lot. You shivered a bit, cheeks and nose turning red and numb from the coldness. Chuuya couldn’t help himself as he nudged you closer to his side to be a bit more warm. Kouyou always said he was a human oven, after all. Walking to his car—nothing too fancy, yet not quite cheap—, like a true gentleman, he opened the door for you to sit in the front passenger seat next to him.

He always drove you to the bars. You always drove him back.

A fair deal, in his opinion.

Starting up the engine, Chuuya sneaked a glance at your profile. Nose tinted with red, cheeks puffy from the cold and eyes staring back at him. Wait. Huh? His face went red. Again. Now the both of you were flushed, and not from the cold.

“Want my coat? You uh, seem pretty cold.”

Please don’t say no, please don’t say no, please don’t-

“Yeah. Please.”

Chuuya shrugged off his black coat, carefully laying it on top of you like a cozy blanket. His hands brushed against your arms as he snugly placed it on you. You looked good under it.

“We’ll warm up with the alcohol later. I know you don’t like whiskey, but a shot should warm you up.”

You made a face, sticking out your tongue and giggling slightly while he started up the car, slowly backing out of his parking spot.

“That’s shit’s nasty, Chuuya-kun. Just like your wine.”

If Chuuya had one complaint about you, it’s that you didn’t like red wine.

“It’s an acquired taste, you brat. If you’d try it out more often, you’d like it.”

His heart warmed up at the sight of your smile, making sure to keep up the banter between you two as he drove to the nearby bar. His fingers twitched, aching to hold yours. To warm you up, too. He didn’t want his coat hugging you. Chuuya wanted to hug you. Was that too creepy? Hopefully not.

Traffic was a shitshow. Both of you agreed that more and more idiots were on the road lately, cursing at the car in-front of you. Thankfully, it didn’t last too long. Ten minutes later and he was pulling into the familiar parking lot of the same bar you two had been going to for a while with the others. A nice small corner bar, retro and one that didn’t mind their eccentricity.

Chuuya didn’t take back his coat from you as you wore it inside.

Ushering you into their usual corner booth, he ordered you two a small drink to start—just a vodka soda. Nothing too much. Although it got him slightly buzzed, a warm feeling calming him down a bit as he sipped. It felt nice. Just the two of you. No rowdy Tachihara. No Higuchi simping over Akutagawa or Gin staring at everyone.

Just you two.

“So uh, when are the others getting here?”

How much time did he have with you alone is what he really meant.

“Oh- let me check real quick. Sorry.”

Chuuya watched as you reached into your purse, grabbing your phone and probably texting Higuchi. A small frown came upon your lips after a minute. Nuh-uh. He’d kill whatever made you frown.

“Eh? Why’re you frowning? We’re drinking, cheer up a bit.”

You looked back at him sheepishly, scooting a bit closer to him.

“Well, apparently Akutagawa got sick so now Gin is taking care of him and Higuchi is worrying so she doesn’t want to come and Tachihara suddenly got busy out of nowhere.”

Yes! Yes yes yes! Just him and you now.

“Sucks. But the two of us are here, right?”

Chuuya was currently praying to God that you’d stay.

“Guess so. Should we order stronger drinks, then? I don’t wanna be sober.”

He now believed in God.

And so you drank. Him with his signature red wine, and you with your preferred drink of choice. Chuuya obviously got drunk first, with the redhead showing signs of intoxication while he got clingy with you. You were equally drunk, and didn’t care that much. So he clung into your arm like a baby while you braided his hair poorly.

“God, your hair is so pretty, Chuuya.”

Ooohh. You called his hair pretty.

“Is the rest of me not pretty?”

He pouted, tugging at your sleeve and resting his head on your shoulder.

“Huh? I didn’t say that. You’re really pretty. Super pretty.”

Wow. He’s super pretty now.

“Well, I think you’re pretty too.”

His face flushed, suddenly realizing what he said as he buried his face in your shoulder, squeezing your arm for reassurance. Why did he say that? Why did he say that!? Stupid alcohol. It made him talk so dumb like this. He didn’t talk like this when the others were around to keep him in check. Shit. Maybe he should’ve have drunk so much.

“You do?”

You looked down at him, fingers momentarily stopping their crafting of his braid.

“Mhm.”

A small shy mumble was all he managed to utter.

“You’re so cute! This is why I like you, y’know.”

His head snapped up immediately. No way in fucking hell were you gonna leave him on a bombshell like that.

“You like me?”

For the second time today, Chuuya was praying to God that you liked him romantically.

“Yep.”

Not helpful.

“But…like a friend? Or uh- romantically.”

Well. He said it. Fuck him. No way you’d like him back.

“Uh.”

Some silence from you.

“I’m not saying.”

Oh yes, yes you fucking were gonna say.

“C’mon, tell me. Pleaseeee?”

Puppy eyed Chuuya. He used this to get out of trouble with Kouyou. Surely, it’d work on you?

“Fine. You’re a bitch, but jesus, I like you romantically.”

Chuuya Nakahara was sure he was at Heaven now. No way you—his angel—just confessed to him. Albeit drunk. But still a confession. One of his hands slowly crept onto yours, lacing your fingers together. He was in bliss, basking in your warmth and ignoring the other rowdy patrons of the bar. You just confessed to him. You like him back.

You like him back.

When he finally got back to his senses and opened his mouth to say that he liked—no, loved—you too, his ears picked up on a small snore from you. Did you seriously fall asleep? You had done it before during previous get togethers, but now? A small smile crept onto his face. Whatever. It didn’t matter. He’d tell you tomorrow.

He’d confess back, take you on a date and prove his worth to you.

Because maybe Chuuya Nakahara could learn how to love like you.

Just maybe.

taglist: @twst-om-lover, @sinfulthoughtsposts

[rosewould]

one way; cbg

part i | part ii | part iii

🖊️⇝ pairing; afab!reader x beomgyu

🖊️⇝ word count; 17.3k

🖊️⇝ genre; enemies 2 lovers, smut, & angst

🖊️⇝synopsis; things have gotten much more complicated in a relationship that spawned from simplicity

🖊️⇝ warnings; thoughts of suicide and murder, brief descriptions of gore, PIV, balls in mouth, lots of kissing, not super smut heavy, manipulation, betrayal, descriptions of depression, assault (the usual), passionate sex, the l bomb

📜⇝ aw man, this is very BITTERsweet. Idk how I feel about this. Ask me in a week and I'll either love or hate it. I didn't go into part one expecting to flesh out their relationship, so please forgive me if this long awaited finale doesn't reach your expectations. I am happy to finally say it's finished though!!

You didn’t remind Beomgyu of anyone. Maybe before you started having sex, that’s why he was so sure. He felt like he was experiencing deja vu from how similar you were to those groupies. Just awkward, quirky, and harmless. You’re only here to do your job and just happened to become friends with this celebrity. The romantic feelings that developed, oh those are to be expected. Of course you fell in love! But if another handsome, famous fella came around and was willing… that love is suddenly conditional.

But then you were letting Beomgyu bite your lip and rip your clothes off, you were shoving your tongue down his throat and letting him fuck you in every conceivable position. While still remaining kind and loyal to Soobin.

You were even open about the things Beomgyu did to you. You didn’t care how it made you look or if it would scare the others off. You didn’t present it as this passionate sexy moment, but the clumsy and somewhat comical situation it was. You were comfortable with them. Letting them see the real you even if it wasn’t exactly attractive. Maybe Beomgyu was wrong about you.

Then he’d catch these glimpses. Moments where he really saw Hyesoo in you. Everyone would be laughing and then suddenly you’d bring up a recent accomplishment of Soobin’s. It seemed weird to shift mid-conversation to boost him up. But when Beomgyu looked around, no one else saw anything wrong with it. He was hyper analyzing you and he was trying to stop. It was hard not to think about Hyesoo period, but with a new woman cozied up in their dorm it was even harder.

When you’d hit Soobin’s arm while laughing, buy only him snacks and drinks, laugh at his jokes harder than anyone else, fall asleep with your head on his shoulder. No matter how much he tried to stop himself, he couldn’t stop thinking you were buttering him up. Locking him in.

Here he was, staying up until 5 am dwelling on every thought that enters his brain. He lays stagnant in your bed, staring at the ceiling but really at nothing at all. His head flops to the side and he catches a glimpse of your peaceful expression. His eyes track down to your arms curled around his bicep. He looks back up at the ceiling with a lengthy sigh. 

He needs to leave.

It started with him staying a little longer to eat up the food in your fridge. You staying to chat with some of the guys. Him staying to help clean up the vase that fell and shattered during your ministrations. You staying to clean yourself off and mentioning that maybe he should bring by a few spare items of clothing in case he wants to shower at your place. Now both of you have clothes at the other’s house and he’s spending the night.

He could dwell on everything he should or shouldn’t be doing right now or he could stop fighting how the warmth of your presence is lulling him to sleep.

-🖊️⇝

Beomgyu wakes up in the absence of your warmth. If his memory serves him correctly, you’re off to practice by now. He can’t help feeling pathetic as everyone rushes off to their duties while he lounges around. He only has one month left of his suspension before he’s back on the grind. He wants to just enjoy it, but the loneliness of it all after years of constantly being surrounded by hoards of people was undeniably crushing. The people he does see are usually rushing around before leaving him in an empty house.

He slumps out of your room and is hit with the scent of freshly made toast. He spots you in the kitchen, rushing around with a piece of toast dangling from your teeth. Upon seeing Beomgyu your eyes widen, brows raising as you prompt him.

“D’you like butter on your toast? Actually, don’t say anything, I’m doing it.” Your speech is muffled until you take a bite and set the piece down. When Beomgyu finally reaches the kitchen he sees you sloppily slathering butter onto two extra pieces of toast. You place them on a small plate before pushing it toward him. You quickly steal another bite of your toast before scowling at him. “You better not leave a mess for me to clean up.”

Once you finish chewing you’re still maintaining eye contact with Beomgyu. He stares intently, and you wonder if he’s still groggy from just waking up. Then his eyes break away to the state of your hair. He gives another second of thought before sweeping the unruly strands into place.

“You’re going outside, where people will see you.” He tsks.

“Said people should mind their business.” You punctuate by tearing off a chunk of your toast, maintaining eye contact pointedly. You throw the matching jacket to your sweatpants over your shoulder. “Lock my door before you leave!”

As the door shuts, the sound echoing through the now empty apartment, Beomgyu feels hyper aware of how much empty space surrounds him where he stands. The loneliness looms over him, a reminder no matter where he goes. He may joke around, but Beomgyu tries not to whine about his problems. It feels especially inappropriate since you were in this same situation, bound to this apartment with a suddenly empty schedule. But for you, you weren’t sure if you were getting fired or worse, getting stuck in the dungeon for years with no end in sight. 

He thinks about that the entire time he stays within your walls. Where you stood, sat, and lied in limbo. From the couch, he glances over at the spot he found you lying in the day after you wrecked your house. A dark, malicious feeling crawls up his spine and he squirms. Staying in your house was already confusing for him, but with this feeling of what… guilt? He had nothing to feel guilty over. He was protecting his members.

Either way, it was overwhelming. He leaves your home, locking it on the way out. His dorm had his things. He can play video games all day until his eyes dry out. It was undeniably unfulfilling, despite it being what he craved since his trainee years. It felt as empty as his home.

He intentionally has his headphones only over one ear so he can hear when the door clicks open. It’s too quiet to be more than one member. Whatever, he’ll take what he can get. He leaves the game lobby, throwing his headphones off and rushing out of his room. When his eyes are met with blonde hair he stops in his tracks. Soobin silently regards him, not sparing him an ounce of emotion as he makes his way to the fridge. He grabs a soda, pops it open, and throws it back. Beomgyu waits patiently, he needs the interaction and Soobin has to give up this silent treatment at some point.

Soobin empties the can and tosses it, a silent conflict bleeding through his indifference to Beomgyu’s presence. Both men stand in silence, Beomgyu surveying each twitch in Soobin’s expression.

Soobin grits his teeth, hoping if he squeezes hard enough this aggravating feeling flaring up will pass. “You know what really pisses me off?” He snaps once he fails.

The relief he expected doesn’t come. There’s a pang of anxiety creeping up his spine in its place. “That I’m mean to your friend-”

“That I have a feeling this is all about that situation you refuse to talk about.” Soobin immediately shoots down his quip, sparing none of his valuable time for Beomgyu’s antics. Soobin finds that new trials and tribulations rear their ugly head just when he thought he’d gotten used to them. Recently Beomgyu has been one huge trial. He hasn’t been a good leader when dealing with this but Beomgyu is also his friend and roommate. Is he not allowed to just be upset by the actions of someone so close to him? Physically and emotionally?

When he looks over at Beomgyu it’s clear from the look on his face that he’s still not going to engage. Of course it wouldn’t be that easy. Letting out a lengthy sigh, he decides it’s time to abandon his personal grievances for now.

“You slept over at her house?”

Finally, it felt like someone was clamping their hands around his throat. “What, are you jealous or something?” He melts back into his usual self.

“I’m your leader.” Why does he even remind him anymore? It’s becoming increasingly apparent that the title means nothing to him.

“Yeah, you love reminding me of that fact when it’s convenient but it doesn’t apply here.” Getting his fill of interaction, he leaves the kitchen in favor of the living room. “It’s none of your business.”

“It became my business when you got in trouble. You’re on suspension, Beomgyu.” Yet again reminding him of something he clearly doesn’t care about. At least, he thinks he doesn’t until Beomgyu stops. His back is turned toward Soobin but he can still tell that it got to him.

Beomgyu no longer feels isolated but he does feel trapped again. Like the exits are too far away for him to escape and he’s forced to face this. “I don’t blame you for not speaking to the therapist they provide us with the risk of your confessions being reported, but if you tell me what’s going on we can figure this out. I’m also your friend, Beomgyu. You can talk to me.” He says softly, jumping at the chance of an opening.

This is the same guy he would laugh with until it physically hurt but he still couldn’t stop. The one who’d sneak him extra food as trainees. He’s a lovable dork who has proved on so very many occasions that he cares about each and every one of his members. Beomgyu can see it, he can feel it whipping around in the air. Soobin is right and he’s being stubborn again. It’s like the walls are closing in and pushing him closer to Soobin’s hurt but hopeful eyes. Beomgyu shuts his own.

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

Before Beomgyu can see the full transition of his expression he whips around, making his way to his room.

“Really? You’re still gonna pretend nothing is wrong?!” Soobin’s increase in volume is ignored as Beomgyu slams the door behind him.

-🖊️⇝

Tomorrow is Beomgyu’s last day in suspension. Yeonjun proposed they throw a party, just another excuse for Yeonjun to party. He invites anyone whose schedule is free which turns out to be a surprising amount of people. Friendly Yeonjun knows pretty much everyone in this generation and some from previous ones. This once empty building waiting to be bought was filled wall to wall with idols, models, and actors. 

Everyone notable in Beomgyu’s life saw the suspension as a no-touch subject that dampened the mood, except for you of course, the delightful person you are. Here? People are coming up to him with a tone that can only be described as vengeful.

“HYBE seems like such tight asses. You guys should ditch that place and come sign with KQ.” Hongjoong delivers a solid pat to Beomgyu’s back as he guides him to the stacked liquor table. “Let’s forget about all of that tonight.” Hongjoong messily pours two shots, either from having too many already or from sheer excitement to let loose. He hands Beomgyu one before raising his into the air. “To freedom!”

It’s almost surreal. The music feels like it swells as reality starts to dawn on him. His containment is soon to be over and he is completely surrounded by people. Things were finally gonna start looking up again.

“To freedom!” 

They both knock back their shots and submerge themselves back into the crowd of people with refreshed energy. His first instinct was to find you for some celebratory cum dumping, maybe fuck you into the wall of one of these fancy port-o-potties.

“Hey.” 

The voice leads Beomgyu’s eyes to a pair of sultry eyes and plump lips curved into a flirty smile. She was a perfect ten with a rack sitting pretty, the round, soft spheres of her cleavage taunting his already horny brain. Jisun was always a nice piece of eye candy. “Catch up to me,” She gestures to the shot in her hand, “and then let’s play.”

-🖊️⇝

Beomgyu is strange. He clearly still holds some resentment toward you, or at least skepticism, but he’s still around a lot. And you are too, which feels like poking the tiger. If he suddenly decides he still hates you he can rat you out with proof this time. You did blackmail the man. But this is just easier. Being strict and clear about your relationship was exhausting. Sometimes you don’t want to journey right back home after getting your back blown out.

All it would take was one joke from Beomgyu about you being clingy and you would’ve snapped back to the strict rules. Then he spent the night over your house and you felt a little at ease.

That meant you could finally have a sleepover at their dorm, staying up all night with Soobin watching scary movies and then being too scared to sleep. It also didn’t hurt having something warm to snuggle up to. The strangest part? Beomgyu seemed to be easing up. He stopped giving you that look as much, as if he’s trying to catch you scheming.

The party was much needed, and judging by the vibe of literally everyone else around you, all the partygoers would agree. There’s this overwhelming sense of relief and it’s intoxicating. Nobody can be as relieved as Beomgyu, wherever he is. You keep an eye out for him, in case he wants to monkey around in some pocket of the building. 

“Hey!!” Soobin grabs your shoulder to stop you as he maneuvers around you. “There you are!”

“And here you are! I can’t believe you’re here and not at home watching anime!” You lean a little closer for him to hear over the music.

“I know! I decided I could try and blow off some steam since I pretty much have the day off tomorrow.”

“Pretty much?” You ask, curious if a monthly diet and exercise report was a company-wide event.

“We’re having a meeting before Beomgyu is reinstated. They said it’d be a small one but I’m still blowing off steam in advance.”

“Yikes. Let’s get some drinks in your system.” You guide him to the alcohol like a nurse escorting a frail patient.

All four of you were downing shots like your life depended on it on opposite sides of the bar. Beomgyu was caught up far before you and Soobin drank your stress away, so away he went. Jisun was whisked to whatever private area they stumbled across first. The spacious storage closet behind the first door he opened seemed like stumbling across the gates of heaven. With a swift turn, he flashes Jisun a smirk and pulls her in. 

“Have you seen Beomgyu yet?” You probe, trying to look casual and not let your genuine inquiry slip through. You’re realizing the longer you’ve gone without seeing him today that you may crave more than just a quickie. A flash of his signature smirk passes through your mind and your stomach fills with a joyous warmth. You find yourself smiling. You quickly drop the smile, peering at Soobin as he stares at the ceiling.

“Not yet. I decided not to look for him and just let him relax. This party is for him after all.” He speaks quietly and you can tell there’s a lot more going unsaid. “For all we know he might not be here.” You laugh, having to force it as this feeling you can’t– or won’t– describe dawns on you. Soobin sighs, not able to shake the conflict in his head.

“I don’t know what’s going on with this man. I don’t know how to get him to talk about it-” He stops, raising his hands as if the gesture will help him conjure his thoughts. He shuts his mouth, dropping his hands in favor of grabbing a shot and downing it. “Has he said anything to you? About anything bothering him?”

“To me? Yeah, that’s not really how our relationship works.” You shake your head, tossing your own shot back to try and dull the emotions begging to be unpacked. Is something bothering him? When is something not bothering him? Now that you think about it, you haven’t seen goofy Beomgyu with your own eyes. You’ve just heard about his harmless mischief through the grapevine. “Loveable brat” is how you overheard Chaewon describe him. You didn’t really get either descriptor at first. More like “punchable asshole”. Without the constant screaming and threatening to ruin the other’s career, you suppose you’re getting close to seeing that side of him. The night before he slept over you shared a kiss that was simple. So simple it was loaded. There was no lust behind it, just a tender gesture with no follow up. Just you waking up holding him. And him holding you. 

“Did something happen?” You ask before chewing on your nail.

“Around when we first debuted. I haven’t thought about it in years because he refuses to talk about it. I really don’t think this is just about him wanting to protect us.” Soobin shoves his shot glass away, seemingly giving up on that method since it doesn’t appear to be working.

“Boy, aren’t you glad you got stuck with these guys?” You laugh and he lets one out as well, though unintentionally. He shakes his head, straightening his face. “No, I am. I really am. I’m lucky.” He knows you’re joking, but it doesn’t settle well when he remembers how he’s been acting. Beomgyu’s supposed leader giving him the silent treatment like a child or a frustrated lover. He sighs, letting out another laugh. This time it’s dry, expressing contempt for himself.

“I’m not really in the mood for a party anymore.”

Beomgyu did not ruin your career but he did ruin the mood for both of you and he wasn’t even there. You echoed his sentiments and he convinces you to come over. It wasn’t very hard, seeing as you could both use the company. There are no other members home yet so you didn’t have to share the blanket. You had it wrapped around the both of you like a cocoon as you tortured him with a scary movie. 

“We could’ve been watching The Bad Guys and-” Soobin wails loudly right beside your ear at the world’s most poorly set up jumpscare making you jerk away from him. He clings to you but you pry him off immediately.

“Are you not ashamed? A baby could sit through this.” You deride, shoving him away again when he tries to lean into you. “You’re so mean!” He erupts after trying to grab onto you a third time.

“No, you’re just a pussy.”

Soobin stands from the couch and snatches the remote from the other side of you. He pauses the movie, ignoring your protesting. “Since when were you so comfortable with disrespecting me?” He scolds playfully, setting his hands on his hips. “Last I remember, I was still your senior.”

“Would you rather I kiss your ass like before?” You cock your head to the side with a raise of your eyebrow, speaking about your former crush for the first time to him outside of the initial awkward phase after the rooftop mishap. He finally collects himself, fighting through his shock. He sits back beside you, keeping his eyes on you as he wraps the blanket back around you.

“I like this version of you much better.” He admits quietly, eyes genuine as they gaze into yours. You breathe a small laugh.

“Don’t tell me you’ve got a crush now, Choi.” You reply at the same volume. The atmosphere felt a lot more volatile suddenly, it was as if you both were close to triggering something.

“You’re getting ahead of yourself.” His eyes leave yours, giving you a little time to breathe. “I am turned on, though.”

Your pussy clenches hard, feeling a vortex of pleasure swirl in your stomach. You suck in a breath subconsciously as your eyes become glued to how his tongue skits over his bottom lip. He must be wetting them in an attempt to maintain their softness, unlike Beomgyu who bites at them until they’re utterly ruined. Kind of like he’s doing now back at the party. He just needs some way to cope with the pulsing need overwhelming him when he needs to empty his balls. With two handfuls of Jisun’s tits, he gets a similar feeling. His teeth dig and tug at his poor bottom lip. Better it be his lip than her soft skin. He needs to remember this isn’t you he’s playing with.

Fuck, if it were you he’d sink his nails in until you yelped. Feeling his cock jump at the sound and ache at the thought of you loving the pain as much as he loves inflicting it. That delicious look in your eye exposing how much you want to absolutely ruin him in a way no one has before.

But the look you give Soobin gives Soobin pause. He raises his eyebrows before leaning back, letting his head fall back onto the couch. “You don’t still have a crush on me, do you?”

His eyes are like hot fudge drizzling over a mound of ice cream, melting every inch it touches. Still, something nags at you. You need something inside you and you need it bad… but this should be affecting you much more. “I don’t think you have to worry about that.”

His eyes dip lower, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth. Nag nag nag. It’s just dick, you tell yourself. You just need some hard sex and this feeling will go away. You grab Soobin by his shirt and pull him on top of you. He happily engulfs you with his large body, caging you in as he devours your lips. They’re still slick with his own spit. They squish and slide against yours and your body ignites. You wrap your legs around him and push his bulge into your core. He groans and you grin against his mouth. So vocal.

Beomgyu would say the same about Jisun, except it wouldn’t be praise. It’s just noise with no rhyme or reason. She’s not reacting to the curl of his fingers inside her, her moans don't correspond with the clench of her walls, there’s no sign she’s being caught off guard by anything he’s doing. Just. Noise.

Everything about her just dissolves into meaningless blobs of nothing. His fingers sloshing inside a wet cavern, his hands squeezing doughy flesh, and his lips brushing against mindless flaps that omit noise constantly. It quickly becomes mind-numbing and he can feel himself going limp. If you were here instead, you’d gasp when he pushed his fingertips into your bundle of nerves. Not meaning to dig your fingers into his shoulders but not being able to help how your body naturally reacts. You don’t want to whimper when he sucks on that sweet spot on your neck but you just can’t help it.

He can feel himself get hard again, his fingers curling and pushing into Jisun’s heat fluidly with you vivid behind his clenched lids. Where are you? He’s suddenly pulled out of the heated moment he’s sharing as the question pops into his mind. If he searched for you, could he be inside you right now instead? Jisun’s noises pull him from his thoughts. How pathetic would it be for him to scramble out of the closet, pussy juice still on his middle and ring finger as he looks for you with his eyes wide like a puppy? First he cuddles you and spends the night at your house and then you see him like that? His eyes snap open.

He grunts, pumping his fingers with more vigor. He has a warm hole for tonight. There’s always tomorrow. That frustrating feeling of the intoxicating warmth leaving his groin as you dissipate from his mind is back and he chases it again. The image of Jisun’s exaggerated expressions flicker away behind his fluttering lids before his mind projects your face twitching to keep your bliss hidden. Pleasure so strong that even the raging flames of hatred can’t burn it away. 

A penis entering a vagina was something you were taught was reserved for the pinnacle of love. When you were old enough you were promised tender touches and emotions so deep and complex they would bring you to tears. You and Beomgyu were swept up into the limelight long before you could get a chance to naturally build up such a relationship and experience such a transcendental feeling. Instead, the two of you bastardized the act with one night stands and relationships built on flimsy foundations only to come crashing down from neglect or simply not knowing who was under your sacred roof. How could you not? There’s no time, too much stress, and too much at stake. 

So you fuck and fuck until the act becomes something so unrecognizable that you come out the other end. Letting someone tear at your flesh and tamper with your spirit as they touch you the way someone you love should. Yet here you are with someone who would treat you right, someone who you longed for for so long, someone who holds you like you’re porcelain with passion still flowing through every action. You should be falling head over heels again. Your crush should be flooding back with crashing waves wrecking everything in its wake until nothing is left but your undying need for Soobin. But no. He mouths your neck as he thrusts shallowing, checking in to make sure he’s not hurting you. 

Everyone who taught you about how sex would feel were right about one thing. You were brought to tears. 

“Beomgyu.” You blubber shamefully, gritting your teeth before hiccupping. You fail to suppress it. Everything becomes a blur as tears stream down your face. The self-pity numbs you beyond repair.

Your name leaving Beomgyu’s lips doesn’t feel real. He only realizes what he’s done after Jisun’s warmth is gone. He opens his eyes and she has moved as far away from him as she possibly can in the confined space. Her angry words don’t register as she fixes herself and storms out, brushing his shoulder on her way. Once he was old enough, Beomgyu was taught a little differently. His father would wait until his mother left the room to get filthy about it, wiggling his eyebrows. His friends would boast and fantasize lewdly in the back of the classroom about it. The pinnacle of sex was supposed to be casual with beautiful women. The only hate sex guys his age fantasized about were low-stakes scenarios you only see in porn. What the two of you had? No one with any ounce of self-preservation would touch this with a ten foot pole. They’d call you “psycho”, block your number, and avoid you like the plague.

Not daydream about you while experiencing a man’s definition of the pinnacle of sex. 

-🖊️⇝

Soobin is a saint. He waited patiently for you to calm down, holding you and rubbing your back. He didn’t complain about his lack of finishing once and didn’t make you feel awkward. He just giggled at your swollen face after you finished. You sat quietly on the couch, staring at whatever movie had auto-played.

“You guys are very similar, you know?”

The urge to start crying again chokes you and you swallow it down. “Soobin, that's a horrible thing to say.” You sigh.

He laughs loudly, trying to stifle his overflowing amusement after seeing your eyes get glassy again. “That’s why you hate each other so much I think.” He says once the humor subsides.

“I hate him because he was horrible to me.” You correct, unable to suppress the annoyance flaring up at his ignorant assumption.

“He was horrible to you, right?” He looks over at you, looking back at the tv once he sees your stone-like expression. “But you still resent each other despite you guys not being at each other’s throats for about a month now.”

“Because I’m wary. He’s wary. We both are constantly remembering something horrible we did to one another.” You suck in a breath, ready to vent about all the ways he’s scarred your skin with proof, but which ones were the ones you encouraged? It didn’t feel appropriate to lie or guess no matter how much you wanted to. Fuck, you wanted to scream about Beomgyu and how much you should hate him. You whimper, resting your face in your hands. “What’s wrong with me?”

Soobin doesn’t answer, leaving you with your own thoughts. You find yourself appreciating the silence.

“Do you love him?”

Numb and hollow… yet throbbing and infected. The space between the skin of your forehead and the bone of your skull felt like it was swimming with complicated activity as your brain echoed the devastating question. Not because the answer was yes but because it had to be answered at all. You raise your head slowly from shaking hands before standing from the couch.

“I’m going to sleep.”

-🖊️⇝

Waking up that morning for both of you was somehow more loaded than waking up in each other’s arms. You couldn’t be with each other or away. It didn’t matter. It wasn’t simple anymore and the complication of it all was starting to get exhausting. You slip from beneath Soobin’s arm, careful not to wake him. Beomgyu trudges out of his bed, feet plodding heavily toward his door. Both doors close simultaneously with a dull, echoing thud, neither noticing the other as you both stand in silence. It’s only when you start to move that Beomgyu notices you. His chest rises slightly with a small gasp. There you are.

“You didn’t tell me you were coming.”

For a second your eyes meet his and there’s a flicker of something that excites him. You straighten up. “I was with Soobin.”

“But you could’ve been with me.” Beomgyu can feel himself get worked up at just the thought of something that actually gets him going. 

“Believe it or not,” You draw nearer and Beomgyu’s eyes are locked onto your lips as they part. You lean in and the warmth of your proximity ceases his breathing “he kept me company.” 

It felt like slow motion when you pulled away and winked at Beomgyu. A gesture that should’ve been harmless and maybe even cute made Beomgyu feel like hot curdled liquid was crawling down his throat.

Once you pull back Beomgyu’s expression hardens. His eyes prick you like needles. “What?”

His tone and glare make you flinch. Your smirk flickers away. This is usually how it starts, but a part of you just wanted to cut out all the bullshit and get to the part where he makes you scream his name. But the look in his eye… something’s different. Something’s wrong. 

“I-I had a little fun with Soobin. It didn’t really go far though because I…” You choke on your words, feeling your heart throb when he tore his eyes away. He couldn’t read your mind but you couldn’t stop yourself from believing he somehow sniffed out the pitiful truth. 

Beomgyu laughs dryly and each moment without proper words made you feel like screaming. Beomgyu flexes his hands, avoiding your eyes while he cracks his knuckles. He balls them into tight fists before staring at you with a level of fury that makes your blood run cold. “I fucking knew it.”

The words struggle to leave his lips as if they had to pass through a filter of his growing disdain for you. Quiet, yet still piercing enough to get you stammering. “Y-you can’t be serious. You’re not seriously talking about what I think you are right now are you?!”

And just like that the two of you are back to square one. Everything that happened in the last two months, hell, the last 48 hours feel like they mean nothing. Why would they? It’s Beomgyu’s fault for letting things get the way they are. Beomgyu feels this nauseating sensation curdle in his stomach and it’s strong. So strong it forces a lie out of him. 

“I’m just trying to protect my members. God– is that a crime or something? Why am I the bad guy? You’re not gonna get away with using us like toys. Maybe you’ll have better luck whoring around Enhypen.” He spits out the words, hating the way they taste. This is your guys’ dynamic, right? Now you’ll start throwing things and screaming at him. 

But nothing comes and Beomgyu realizes he hasn’t been looking at you. At what point he looked away again, he wasn’t sure, but he couldn’t get himself to make eye contact again. The lack of response clouds his lungs, a stabbing pain screaming in his temples.

After the silence suffocates him to near death he finally manages to look at you. He has to muster all his strength, but he does. And you’re crying. His body feels hollow. No arousal or sadistic pleasure is derived from this. He can’t even feign it.

Still, the silence won’t let up and as if to punish him, his body won’t let him look away. As if two hands are holding his head in place and as a sinister voice hisses in his ears.

LOOK AT WHAT YOU’VE DONE.

How much time passes, he’s not sure. Enough time for him to realize how much chaos and stress he’s caused to his leader, his members, his company, and to an innocent person with an innocent crush.

More tears well and skit from your cheekbones straight to the carpet beneath both your feet. Darkening the fabric. The words you’ve been choking on finally release, though they sound frail and strangled. “Beomgyu. I don’t know how else to get through to you. I care about Soobin. Fuck…” You don’t attempt to wipe the tears away or cease them in any way. Your head falls as if your neck can no longer support it. “I was starting to care about you.” 

Hostile would be putting it lightly. The activity in your brain and heart is like a dozen hornet’s nests being shaken and preparing to erupt, one for each emotion reaching its peak. You grit your teeth so hard you think they’ll crumble under the pressure.

“You wanna know something? The only person hurting someone by turning on them is you.” You hate the implications this leaves but your thoughts and emotions are on overdrive and you need to leave before it gets any uglier. “I’ll respect your wishes. Friends aren’t worth dealing with this, I’d rather be alone. Just promise me you won’t involve my career in your bullshit this time.”

As you storm away, barely able to look that man in the eye you realize this. This is what you were wary of the entire time. It wasn’t him ruining your career or biting you until he draws blood or turning your friends against you. It was this feeling you were experiencing. Pain so deep you’d almost call it heartbreak. However, it wasn’t earned from time spent with someone who cherished you and made you feel like you were worth something. All this heartache…

You let him do unspeakable things to you. You let him hurt you in ways you would’ve never let anyone else. You welcomed it.

In an alternate reality, you’d be kicked out of your company, stuck with a damning reputation, and banned from the only true friends you had. The man who would’ve caused all that turmoil in your life, with the intent to cause that harm, is the same one who your heart is aching for. 

-🖊️⇝

The curtains across the room have become blurry blobs of color after being stuck staring in that direction for what felt like too long. You had to start, if you’re late sending this video in then there will be another crack. You manage to squeeze your eyes shut and jump start your brain once again from its brief hiatus.

The inhale you suck in shudders beyond your control. The more time that passes with that song out in the open for anyone to hear, the less you can hide your anxiety. You hold your breath until it hurts before blowing out a rushed gust of wind. You’re stagnant again, and before your brain can shut down for one more sweet break you force a smile and hit record.

“Hello precious moonbeams!~ I hope you’re all doing well. Thank you for all the support on Strawberry Jam. I was so worried!” You pout. “It’s a bit of a weird song, right? It’s very different from Laude so I was scared you guys wouldn’t like it. But… wow. The support is…” Sincerity bleeds through as you reflect on traversing your favorite store and then hearing your voice through the speakers.

“Pierce me, Bruise me, keep going until you see strawberry jam”

Your blood runs cold, and your eyes snap up as if you’re being caught saying something you didn’t mean to be publicized. A couple of passersby whisper or stare or gasp. You run out of the store.

Before you can get too sincere you force the smile back in place. “It’s overwhelming. Seriously.” Your eyes get glassy and you chew on your lip. “Thank you.”

All the cracks that have reared their ugly head so far have been mostly forgotten because of the overnight success of your first comeback. Your debut was deemed a flop in comparison to your colleagues, so this was absolutely necessary. It was mandatory. You finally feel like you’re making progress digging out of this deep hole. 

There are signs your company still doesn’t fully trust you.

The first big sign was the debut delays. You were sure they were going to cancel it and that they saw you as a risk. The cracks were treacherous. Then you debuted and the reception was lukewarm. You sat in limbo for days, reading negative comments until your head span. A piece chips off revealing an inky black abyss. 

Then you heard your comeback song. Instead of classy and subdued like your debut, this song was hard to swallow. It was asymmetrical and loud. It was raunchy.

“What do you think?”

You sat in silence, jaw dropped open, a truck sized lump in your throat. You could hear the sound of cracking. But why? This song was a clear hit. You could hear another idol performing it well. 

But it’s yours.

“Ready to record?”

You nod, hoping that will become true with time.

The track plays and your fears ease a bit. You bob your head to the beat. Everything goes fine until the same lyrics that struggle to come out of your mouth approach. You power through. You need this.

“I should hate it but I don’t”

This will be a hit, you can get through this. 

You continue powering through but the dread builds and builds. You hate this line, you hate it so much. Your breath gets caught in your throat right before it’s time and you know you’re about to choke.

“Can’t promise I won’t cry but I…” You sigh and drop your head. You already knew it was coming when they ask you to do it again.

“Can’t promise I won’t cry but I-I know that you like that…”

CRACK

The producer slides his headphones off with a chuckle. “I know. It’s weird, right?” He winces as if he’s mirroring your assumed feelings on the matter. He’s half right. It’s obscene and you hate it. You hate it so much.

“I’m sorry, let’s go again.”

The track replaying is like a death march. Your throat bobs, doing little to refresh your throat that feels like it’s filled with cactus needles and glass.

“Can’t promise I won’t cry but I know that you like that-”

The line processes in your mind and you connect it to the past despite avoiding doing so as if your life depends on it. You reflect on all the times he’s brought you to tears. How hot they felt rushing from your eyes after you frustratingly kissed him for the first time. How helpless and pathetic you felt crying as he restrained your wrists, only to spray you in his seed mockingly. And most frustratingly of all, you crying while revealing that you actually cared about him after he did exactly what you knew he would.

CRACK

The calls of your name are muffled as flashes of his face refuse to leave. You grit your teeth, feeling a frightening level of rage familiarly build up inside you. “I hate him.”

You rush out of the recording booth, mortified as tears stream down your face. He’s done it again. He isn’t even here and he’s done it again. If he could see you right now he’d probably smile. It would probably brighten his day. And you welcomed that monster into your bed.

You’re all the way back home once you realize what you’ve done. The producer is probably calling your manager who is calling the CEO about how much of a pain in the ass you are. You need to get yourself together quickly and get back there. You run to your bathroom and look in the mirror. You plant your shaky hands on the sink

“I’m…”

Your voice wavers. Your resolve dissipates as you stare at the cracks that have transferred to your very visage. A shard dangles where your eye resides before falling away. Again, the black nothingness is left behind and you’ve already forgotten what your face normally looks like.

Your phone starts to buzz and you slowly fade back to reality.

-🖊️⇝

“I have no clue who that is. Why can’t we collab with a Korean artist?” Beomgyu mutters. Soobin grits his teeth and elbows him. He rolls his eyes despite the instant regret. It takes only a minute of fading into the background as the other guys engage in productive conversation for the guilt to fully bloom. On one couch there were four employees and one temperamental child.

No matter where he goes he feels this way. The guys don’t bring girls to the dorm anymore. If they go out to see one, they nervously lie about it and rush out of the door. 

Anytime they bring up a memory tainted with you, Beomgyu is greeted with shocked silence and finds four panicked eyes on him like they’re afraid they’ve poked a tiger.

All those posters, cardboard cutouts, and billboards that are fucking everywhere are like land mines. To anyone else it would be comical to watch four grown, big ass men tiptoeing around a mall like one wrong step will blow their leg clean off.

And the song.

Beomgyu… he is really trying to get better. If he didn’t attempt to, Soobin would probably choke him out. He’s been very patient, but anyone in his shoes would be exasperated. When they’re in public or in a meeting and Beomgyu is being a menace is one thing, Soobin lets him know then and there that he’s serious.

However, when they’re alone, it’s strangely peaceful. He asks Beomgyu about his day and his mental and emotional state. He hasn’t brought you up for a while now. Tomorrow will make 6 months.

Tomorrow comes, Beomgyu’s indifference is slipping. While everyone else walked on eggshells, Beomgyu coasted through the situation like nothing happened. But somehow, the fact that the boys are becoming more accustomed to not bringing you up is bothering him. He only sees you through screens or your likeness plastered on paper or cardboard. 

The last time you physically entered his vision was during your goodbye stage of your debut promotions. It was a brief glimpse but it was enough to show you weren’t doing well. It was an image burned into his memory. None of the photo shoots could replace it. Even longer before that was the last time the two of you made physical contact. The feeling of holding you in your bed is long gone. Everything about you feels like a ghost now.

“Here he is!” Beomgyu looks up from his phone he wasn’t really looking at anyway to see Soobin walking over with some girl. Beomgyu slides down his mask to present the girl with a tight smile and bow.

“This is Jiwon from Cherry Bullet.” 

“Hello.” Jiwon bows with a bright smile and somehow the common gesture illustrates just how efficient of a person she is. He has no clue what a cherry bullet is but something tells him she’s a stellar idol. But why was she talking to him? Beomgyu looks up at Soobin’s phony wide smile before getting distracted by the rest of his members frantically trying to stop what’s happening. Yeonjun tugs Soobin to the side, jaw jutting forward as he grits something out Beomgyu can’t quite decipher.

“I’ve heard people refer to you as a video game protagonist.” Beomgyu’s attention is ripped away from his members as Jiwon speaks again with a little more hesitance this time. What, does she think he’s a ticking time bomb too?

“What?”

“Your visuals.” She clarifies, seeming a little more relaxed now. “Now that I see you in real life I can say I see it too. I didn’t know before but I think that’s my style.” She looks down, still appearing resolute despite the shy action. 

“I don’t usually do things like this, I value my job and image, but I was just so curious about you. I felt a bit weird asking Soobin to introduce me to you but…” As if she realizes she’s been having a one-sided conversation, she stops herself and looks at Beomgyu expectantly.

Every so often, Beomgyu catches wind of a rumor going around about himself. Whether it’s someone he’s cool with reporting back to him or rookies being way too loud and excitable. He supposes every idol experiences this, and most likely they’re as indifferent as he is. He’s a former thug, he’s gay, he’s fucking an executive, and the biggest one:

He’s a womanizer. 

That one sometimes goes hand in hand with the thug one, but it’s mostly referring to his current idol lifestyle. He doesn’t know how it happened. He hasn’t been in a relationship since Hyesoo. He couldn’t be one if he tried. He lets his emotions get in the way. A part of him wishes it were true. Maybe he would stop craving nails raking into the flesh of his back or bite marks on his bottom lip and shoulders. Maybe he would stop waking up with soiled sheets because he has dreams about being ridden long after he’s already cum. 

Of course now he’s thinking of you, despite chatting it up with Jiwoo– or no, Ji…

You’re probably getting relief every other day with how famous you are now. If you even have the time. In that case, you’re probably locking you and some guy in dressing rooms, closets, anywhere you can get privacy for a quickie. 

But no… you’re not like that. You only let Beomgyu see the deepest, darkest parts of you because you were pushed to do so. Beomgyu’s face goes slack, staring deep into space. You hated him so much that you didn’t care about bearing the ugliest side of you to him. Gnashing your teeth with your shirt a tangled mess over your torso after you gave up on taking it off. Saying the most venomous things Beomgyu’s ever heard while milking him for all he’s got. Even after things cooled a bit, you would let him touch and taste you before you even showered. Opening the door to let him in with stains all over your shirt and leftover makeup from the day before.

“I thought about jumping off the roof at practice while I was on my break.” You had said to him after couch sex. You guys were watching Community and eating ice cream. You were just joking about one of the characters being dumb. Beomgyu had looked at you, completely bewildered.

“Isn’t this what you wanted? What you’ve been waiting for?” He asks incredulously.

You sigh dramatically.

“Yeah, but I’m so fucking hungry. My body aches and my hands shake so much I can barely hold a pen to write my own name. I made a mistake and my instructor cussed at me and called me useless.” You laughed sharply before letting your head droop over to face him. “D’you know they delayed my fucking debut again? Before I thought about offing myself I imagined slitting my manager’s throat and bludgeoning the dance instructor to death and stripping down so I could smear both their blood all over me until it covered every inch of my skin. It was so brief but so so vivid.” You rushed out the words in a crazed fashion and you looked at him with wide eyes. You smile. “Then I imagined you coming in, we had sex and then I strangled you until your eyes bulged out–” You catch your breath and look back at the tv. You looked down at your hand and groaned. Your ice cream had melted over your trembling hand.

“Fuck it–” You rush over to the trash can and chuck it before aggressively wiping off your hand with a tattered kitchen towel. You stomp over to the fridge and take out one of the multiple spoiled bags of salad mix and dump it in the trash to cover up the tossed ice cream. You throw a glance at him.

“Make sure you eat that all or cover your tracks if you throw it away.” You mutter, finding your voice wavering suddenly. You sniffle, slamming down on the couch. You refuse to look over at him as tears break free from your eyes. You feel him move closer to you on the couch and you grit your teeth. His hand curls around the column of your throat but he doesn’t apply pressure.

“I imagined killing my manager once too.”

You peer over at him, he’s looking down, his thick lashes on display. “Except I stabbed him over and over and over until he was an unrecognizable mound of mush. You’re right, it flashed by so fast. I was so sickened by it I pretended it never crossed my mind. Yet here we are…” He finally looks up with a smirk. He finally applies the pressure and you inhale a shuddering breath.

He moves his lips next to your ear, his breath fanning on it making you shiver. “Does it hurt?”

Immediately understanding what he meant you nod feverishly. 

“I’ll distract you.” He answers quickly before swinging his leg over and resting his knee on your thigh. He sits all his weight on your thigh and he squeezes your throat. He repeats it again breathily as he stares down at you wistfully. Your strangled whimpers get him straining against his jeans. 

“I-I…” You find yourself speaking against your will. No… this isn’t how this went. He squeezes again and you moan. You want to clench your thighs but his knee is pinning your leg down. You can’t think, it’s perfect. Still, you find your mouth moving. No! There were no more words exchanged after this. You fucked again and he slept over.

“I-I’m so lonely,” Your voice quivers before you begin sobbing uncontrollably. When you open your eyes and blink away your tears you see a twisted wide grin on his face. His eyes are wild. You tremble in fear, unable to speak anymore. No no no no no no no…

“I fucking knew it.”

You gasp for air, it feels like he’s crushing your windpipe.

“Just a sad, lonely, nobody coming to mooch off of us. Pitiful. You want friends? Huh?” You feel blood rushing up to your face. “Too bad. You don’t deserve love. No one fucking likes you and no one ever will. I’ll do you a favor.”

Almost as if he’s beating you to what you briefly daydreamt about, he applies his other hand and you want to scream. Your ears start ringing and you feel something warm trickle from your ears and all of a sudden there’s a bright light and a piercing noise–

You jolt up from your bed, continuing to sob like you did in your nightmare. You stumble out, nearly tripping as you reach to turn the light on. After doing so you slide down against the wall. Sobbing until your chest hurt and you had no air left in your lungs.

-🖊️⇝

There’s no doubt this song has gotten you some perverse comments and unwanted attention, but it must also get you positive attention too. He’s never seen you hang out with anyone else besides the guys but surely you have an entourage by now. Guys lining up to treat you right. Ones you wouldn’t feel are deplorable enough to casually bring up your murder fantasies to.

“Gyu?”

Jiwon has that confused tone in her voice. God, he tuned her out by accident again. 

“Are you okay? It seems like you’ve been zoning out a lot.” She sounds cautious again. Beomgyu can tell that she’s trying to avoid what might set him off. Did Soobin tell her about you? How he’s just a screaming match waiting to happen?

“To be fair, I’ve had a lot to think about recently.” Beomgyu gives her a look, he knows she’s aware of what he’s referring to. Her awareness is becoming increasingly obvious.

She sits down beside him in the other folding chair backstage. Not dissimilar to when they first met. Even more similar, he notices his members frantically whispering to each other while looking at him.

“Are you still feeling bothered by that?” Jiwon places a hand on his but it doesn’t pull his attention away. Suddenly Kai is casting a fearful look to his right. Beomgyu, already feeling something stirring in his stomach follows his eyeline. 

A pair of black docs accented with black opaque hosiery that almost stop where your red skirt starts. The skirt looks tattered, purposefully so. It’s asymmetrical and overlapped by a black, intricately designed corset top. Your hands that are running through your hair are donned in a red, loosely fitted pair of sheer gloves. Once your arms stop shielding your face and you lift your head, Beomgyu sees your mascara running. His stomach drops.

The stylist scolds you and quickly tries to fix the mess. You don’t react at all, face stone cold. Maybe you just had a bad day, Beomgyu thinks.

It’s cliche, but it never stops shocking you how blinding the stage lights are. They glint sharply, feeling like they’ve sliced your eyes. You shut them, only to quickly open them once you remember people can see you. You force a smile on your face, not caring if it looks like you have a gun to your head. This is all you have left.

The bright light nearly pricks tears back to your eyes but you hold them back just like you hold back the thoughts of the texts your parents sent you this morning. You don’t want to perform today, the last thing you want to do is sing this song that is now ruining relationships. However, now this is truly all you have left. So you flip the switch as soon as the music starts and don’t turn it off until it’s safe to cry again.

You almost melt away on your couch when a knock startles you. You race to the door, thinking it may be your manager. A part of you still expects her to scold you about something she found out. It’s been months but you still fear Beomgyu saying something. A shaking hand pulls open the door.

Myungsoo smirks lazily. Kim Myungsoo. You have to pinch yourself still, despite it being a month now since he first spoke to you. You’re used to people speaking to you first by now. You’d rather they stick around, hang out with you, but that never happens. When he came up and asked you about your song, you were positive you’d probably never see him again. A man you used to have posters of slipping right through your fingers. But then he suddenly stayed put.

“What’re you up to?” He asks before widening his smile. Your heart flutters.

“I was going to take a nap.” You say quietly, very much distracted. Him brushing some of your hair behind your ear doesn’t help.

He waits a beat as he presses his lips into a thin line. “Need help?”

Your heart drums against your rib cage, it almost hurts how much you need it. He’s been teasing you during this exciting yet excruciating month. Hinting that he wants to fuck you but never doing it. You nearly came when he put his hand on your thigh last week.

Now his hand is there again, and it takes every ounce of strength you have to not lift your hips and coax him to where it hurts. He insisted on leaving the television off so you can’t even pretend not to have your full attention on him. 

“C’mere.” He whispers, his voice so warm it melts you. You scoot over and lean your head on his shoulder. You guys stay like that and you’re content– you really are… but it’s becoming increasingly more difficult not to shove his hand down your pants. You don’t know how long it’s been but your body is screaming at you. He should’ve been inside you already, you guys should have been done with your first round actually. Your impatience gets the best of you and you look up at him. He raises his eyebrows questioningly.

“Take a nap. Isn’t that what you said you were doing?”

You laugh dryly, too annoyed to take it back or be mortified at your outward display of your sexual frustration. 

“Is something wrong?” He pouts his lips mockingly. You sit up from him but he pulls you back. 

You let out a strained sigh. “I think I need to be alone to take a nap actually.”

“What, now you’re kicking me out? Did I do something wrong?” His cutesy act is nauseating right now. It pushes you to reveal how you actually feel.

“Aren’t you building us up to be just fuck buddies? Why are you beating around the bush?” You’re desperate, but it’s more than just being horny. At the moment you have no outlet for the overwhelming amounts of anxiety and growing depression. Despite what you had with Beomgyu being… what it was, you remember a wave of serenity after it was all said and done. You bickered as you got your clothes back on but then he left and your body was noticeably less tense. 

“I never said anything about that. You know, you claim you had nothing to do with the song but I’m a little skeptical…” He traces shapes over your bare shoulder and you shrug it off with a scoff before sitting up. The annoyance was building towards being affronted, but you could feel something tingling like a spark crackling inside your stomach. It was back, a feeling you haven’t felt in quite a while. 

“Excuse me?”

“I mean,” Myungsoo shifts toward you, “you’ve been practically begging to be fucked the minute we met. You’re not as subtle as you think.” His faux sympathy melts away once he sees fire glinting in your eyes. He can’t help but smile.

“Shut your fucking mouth.” You spit before mounting his lap and devouring his lips. This is it, there’s no mistaking it. But something’s missing… 

Myungsoo sits there, barely moving his lips against yours. Your hands roam his entire body while his are still by his sides. You pull away, afraid that you were mistaken, but he’s smiling up at you. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand before coaxing you to finish.

“You want it, don’t you?”

And so you strip your shirt off, the fabric pulled away to reveal your eyes blown wide with lust. You capture his lips again and it tastes so sweet. You nearly tremble after finally breaking through that barrier that never seems to leave. You feel powerful for the first time in months as you slide your hands under his shirt. You puff out a frustrated gust of air before sliding off his lap and kneeling before him. You look up at him as you unzip his jeans. He smirks the entire time, lifting his hips to let you slide his jeans and underwear down. He exaggerates the movement of stretching his arms back and resting his hands behind his head. You falter, suddenly self conscious. 

“What’s your deal?”

He answers quickly, somehow knowing exactly what you were referring to. “I dunno… maybe I’m just not feeling it yet.” He sighs, reaching for his flaccid member and stroking it disappointedly. “Look at it, so pitiful.”

You swat his hand away, feeling challenged by his words. You start with his balls, licking in between them before circling your tongue around each one. You glance up at him and his cock twitches. His smirk flickers away briefly to revel pleasure while looking at the determination in your eyes.

You’re just so happy to finally taste someone. The way a cock feels in your hands and on your tongue, so silky and soft. So sinfully beautiful when covered in thick globs of saliva. There is truly nothing like it. But again, there was something missing.

Anywhere you and Myungsoo were together turned into a new spot for you to fuck. You’d give him the eyes which he’d ignore. Then you’d touch him. Kiss him. Whisper in his ear. None of it worked until you were pulling him somewhere secluded. Even when you were at his place or him at yours. It was like pulling teeth. But whatever, foreplay for you and Beomgyu was degrading and threatening each other. This was nothing.

It didn’t stop at foreplay, though. Throughout the entire act he’d be so smug, never reacting to anything. Only small glimpses of pleasure could be caught, but if you blinked you could miss it. You find yourself fighting for his passion. However, it remained one-sided.

-🖊️⇝

Jiwon’s ministrations were soft, almost like they weren’t there. She had a pretty pair of lips but they were like feathers against his.

“Noona…” He whispered, brushing his nose against hers.

“Hm?” She barely pecks his lips. Beomgyu inhales deeply before grabbing the back of Jiwon’s head and deepening the kiss. She makes a muffled noise of surprise but her eyes slowly flutter shut. She melts into the kiss for a few lovely seconds before forcing herself to pull away. She clears her throat before grabbing both of Beomgyu’s hands.

“Let’s take it slow, okay?” Jiwon gives him a pleading look and he only groans inwardly. It’s been a minute, and Jiwon is not a woman you come across too often. And they actually have a relationship he can brag about, someone he could see himself marrying. She’s pristine.

“Why, you didn’t like it?” He smirks and she scoffs.

“I did, but I just think it’s better for us if we don’t rush things.”

Beomgyu tries really hard to hide the cynicism threatening to rear its ugly head. Jiwon was finally not walking on eggshells around him. He thinks long and hard about what he’s going to say and panics when he thinks he’s said the wrong thing.

“Fine. But a deeper kiss won’t kill us.” Beomgyu brushes away his train of thought before smiling. 

It wasn’t long before Beomgyu and Jiwon made it official, only telling people they trusted and not risking visiting each other anywhere but their dorms. Even that takes several days of planning. 

“How does it work? We’ve never been.” Taehyun says, leaning forward in anticipation.

Jiwon takes a moment to swallow her sip of tea and to think. 

“This will be my second survival style show. I think that they’re not dissimilar to being a trainee, honestly. The ferocity of everyone around you is still there. This new one is a little less intense, though. I guess the stakes aren’t as high.” Once she finishes talking she takes another delicate sip of her tea. Beomgyu watches intently, admiring how elegant she is. It’s so effortless for her. She continues her mature conversation with his members but Beomgyu is completely checked out. There’s a lingering sour feeling prodding at him as he watches her. It makes his smile flicker away.

“Right Beomgyu?” Soobin elbows him and Beomgyu is finally broken out of his daze.

All Beomgyu’s plugs slowly enter each outlet. “Huh?”

“You were so social during our trainee days, it was hard for people to hate you.” Soobin says, making everyone chuckle.

“Even when they saw you as competition, no dice.” Yeonjun chimes in. It was fun to reminisce until it wasn’t. He was smiling again and it seemed to immediately go away the longer he thought about it. He’s been told this. That he’s unhateable. He’s too silly, a loveable brat. But you managed.

“He could never do wrong. We make a mistake and it would start a fight. Beomgyu would do the same thing and they would just brush it off.” Kai adds, and everyone laughs again except for Beomgyu who’s stuck staring in space, his water bottle static in his hands.

“That’s so true!” Someone gushes through the laughter. 

“Funny how things change, huh?”

The room goes silent as Beomgyu takes a swig from his bottle.

Jiwon looks panicked before laughing nervously. “What do you mean? I’ve never laughed this much before meeting you, and the girls love when you come over. Not to mention having four members who love you. That’s rare, you know.”  

Soobin claps before pointing at Jiwon. “That’s exactly right!”

“What else could you need?” Jiwon rubs Beomgyu’s back, making him realize that she’s not miles away from him like it feels she is. She’s right. So everything will eventually get better.

-🖊️⇝

 “Let’s go to a karaoke bar next!” Eunchae ugly laughs in excitement, already running ahead with Kazuha chasing behind her. Yunjin loops her arm with Sakura before following the younger members, engaged in a personal conversation. On instinct, Chaewon follows close by, yelling for the younger members to slow down.

The five of them have a warm dynamic that’s so enticing. Their figures growing further, soaked in the various vibrant hues of neon signs. It was like a scene out of films you watch alone on your couch. It’s right there.

Freezing as if something dawned on her, Chaewon swiftly turns around to face you.

“You coming?” She shouts.

“Ugh, she never comes. Let’s just go.” Yunjin whines dismissively. Chaewon looks conflicted as her gaze switches between you both. You stretch your mouth into a thin line. 

“I have to get home. I’ll text you.” 

Chaewon wants to protest but when she looks back at her members, they’re much farther away than she thought. Then when she looks back at you, you’re already gone.

From the corner of the bar, you send texts back and forth. Your head slips off your fist and nearly slams into the table before you stop it. Just an hour before, you were here with a group of people. The memory feels like particles of dust floating through the air that you try to clutch in your fist.

“Are you okay? I think you’ve had enough for the night. Call a cab and go home.” The stern, motherly tone of the owner doesn’t offend you at all. You don’t get to answer before she’s off sweeping the other end of the restaurant. You let your body completely slump over, resting your upper body on the table.

A tsk barely pricks at your foggy brain. “What a mess.” Myungsoo sighs.

“Take me home oppa.” You giggle with your cheek squished against the table. He raises his brow at you and you raise your arms. He groans before picking you up from the table and holding you bridal style. You rest your head against his chest, feeling tired against his warmth. You’re just about to drift off to sleep when he’s placing you into the passenger’s seat. You whine in protest but he’s already shutting the door. The gentle car ride makes your lids heavier until they shut completely.

Myungsoo picking you up again has your eyes slowly lifting open. You watch his face as he carries you. His body heat is intoxicating. You can’t stop your eyes from flickering down at his lips. You don’t want to mount him like you usually do, you feel something deeper. Maybe there was a reason he took so long to let you have him at first. 

He lets you down to unlock his door before taking you by the hand and leading you in. You’re cuddling on his bed, still unable to take your eyes off him. He’s caught you a couple times and all he does is smile. This time his eyes linger on yours before whispering for you to come closer. You’re moving as soon as he says to, connecting your lips to his hungrily. 

He smells and tastes so good. You trace your tongue over his bottom lip before pecking his mouth. He grins, letting out a warm, chesty chuckle.

“I love when you guys get like this.”

You laugh, a little confused. You peck him again. “You guys?”

He caresses the back of your neck before pulling you in for a deeper kiss. Your breath picks up as you climb on top of him, smashing your mouths together. He pulls away and whispers breathily in your ear.

“You have that twinkle in your eye. You need me. All you think of is me.” 

You shudder, grinding down on him. You trail kisses all over his neck as he continues.

“If I were to leave, you’d be devastated.”

The thought makes you whimper, nipping at his neck. He hisses. “Stop it.” You say in a tiny voice. You feel his bulge grow more prominent.

“You’d do anything to please me, make me stay.” He moans through the sentence, bucking up into you. Your heart starts thumping, and the longer this goes on the more you realize it’s not because you’re turned on. You lift from him.

“I said stop.” Your face is hot. It’s right, he’s completely correct. You want to have your hands and lips on him at all times and your heart is constantly clenched by the fear that he doesn’t really care about you.

“What? Should I make you bleed instead?” He laughs.

Your chest constricts, your breath getting caught in your throat. Your lips tremble as you quirk your jaw trying to curb the anger bubbling up. 

“What did you just say?”

“Babe.” He sits up on his forearms. “I’m just trying to rile you up a little bit. I’m just having a little fun.” He looks you up and down, he’s getting harder underneath you.

Right… this is something you’re familiar with. Something that could lead to even a moment of serenity. But it’s never that way with him. His eyes judge you and urge you to satisfy him. He doesn’t even have to say a word and you’re scrambling to make sure he’s pleased. You’re giving your all as he lazily lies beneath you, enjoying the show. Exuding passion with nothing in return is exhausting, that exhaustion finally dawning on you.

“Well I’m not.” You say before swinging your leg back over him. You slide out of his bed and start putting your clothes back on.

“Where are you going? Come on, you don’t actually want to leave.” He barely moves, just shifting a little to the side.

“I just need a little space for the night.” You hurriedly slip into your pants, wanting to leave instead of having this conversation.

“No you don’t. You need company like you need water.” His velvety smooth voice that once coaxed you into giving your all to him is gone. What’s left is harsh yet dismissive.

“You don’t know what I need, Myungsoo.” You shoot back, throwing your shirt on the bed.

“I know, everyone knows. You’re so lonely you walk around everywhere like a lost puppy but run away whenever anyone tries to get to know you. There’s a reason you were texting me and not your friends you were just drinking with. I’m all you have. So don’t be stupid.” 

Just like that, the harsh lines in his face melt away and he’s back to smirking, patting the space beside him in the bed.

Is this what you deserve? They say you shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. And he’s right. He’s so right, again. Maybe you should just sink into the warmth and turn your brain off. Turn on the switch to perform.

However, as you think, emotions build inside you. It feels like pressure behind your skull threatening to pop. Tears abruptly start gushing down your face as you grab your shirt and rush out of the door. You can’t stop the ugly noises from leaving you as you rush home in the cold night air. 

By the time you’re in your own bed, your face and head hurt from the intensity of your sobs. There are no tears left as you continue to sob. It didn’t work. You were supposed to use him as an opportunity to take away some stress but somehow it’s worse. There’s nothing you can do. You’ll just have to live with this alone. Forever.

CRACK

-🖊️⇝

“I was so close but I didn’t make it.” Jiwon sighs dejectedly. 

“I don’t know what they don’t see in you! I think you’re a great performer.” Kai laments.

“You did a great job.” Beomgyu rubs her hand and she instantly smiles. 

“Thanks. And at the end of the day I still have my group and you guys.” Everyone gushes at her response. 

Beomgyu’s mind wanders to the place it has been going frequently these days. He wonders what you’re doing. What it would be like if you were still friends with the members. If he didn’t make you cry. Would you be smiling as widely as Jiwon is even after failing?

“Look who’s lost in thought again.” Soobin pats Beomgyu’s back but he’s stuck. He’s nestled deep within thoughts of you.

“You know you could talk to us about anything, right?” Jiwon moves her hand to caress his. No. He doesn’t know this. In fact, he knows it’s not true.

“Why do you think she was crying that day?” Beomgyu doesn’t look up but the table goes quiet. The tension is lathered thick over the air. Jiwon laughs nervously.

“Wait, Beomgyu weren’t you just talking about–” Jiwon attempts to change the topic.

“You would think she’d be really happy right now.” He continues. 

“Let’s not talk about this–” Jiwon tries but Beomgyu turns toward her.

“Didn’t you say I could talk to you guys about anything?”

“But Beomgyu… talking about her is only going to make you more upset.” Jiwon lowers her voice, going back to how cautious she was when they first met.

“Do I look upset? You guys are the ones acting like there’s a gun to your heads when she’s brought up.” Beomgyu resumes eating while everyone else is still frozen.

“Gyu. It’s because you should let go of her. It’ll be better for you.” Her hand that was once soothing on his now felt like an owner trying to calm their dog after someone knocked on the door. 

“You don’t know what’s better for me.” Beomgyu grumbles.

Soobin stands abruptly. “Beomgyu, can we talk in the kitchen?”

“Gladly.” Beomgyu immediately follows the taller male out the dining room and down the hall. Before Soobin could start scolding him he had things to get off his chest first.

“Why did you introduce me to her in the first place?”

“She asked to meet you. She was interested.” Soobin expresses annoyedly.

“I’m sure plenty of girls have done that, why did you decide to do so for her.” Beomgyu probes.

“Because I knew her and trusted her.”

“Trusted her to be able to handle a project.” Beomgyu rushes out. And before Soobin can deny anything he’s rushing toward him with a finger pointed at his face. “I don’t need to be fixed.”

Soobin sighs, uneasy about how this conversation may go. 

“You’re not broken, you’re hurt. Everyone gets hurt, Beomgyu. There’s nothing wrong with accepting help. We’re just trying to help you move on-”

“I don’t want to move on! You guys were so fucking anal about how I treated her and now you just pretend she doesn’t exist?” Beomgyu shouts furiously.

Soobin decides it’s better to just rip off the bandaid. There's no changing the truth. 

“She’s gone. It’s been half a year and she’s made no attempt to reach out to any of us. It’s clear that part of our lives is over. Beomgyu, you need to focus on yourself right now. We can get through this together.” Soobin tries to coax a reasonable reaction out of Beomgyu but it doesn’t seem to be working. He’s only getting more worked up.

“Stop. Stop.” Beomgyu shoves his hands into his hair before gritting his teeth. “I’m so sick of everyone shoving me under a telescope. At least she never pried.”

“Are you insinuating that what you guys had was anything remotely healthy? Continuously hanging around someone who you despise that much isn’t good for either of you. I saw the marks all over her body.”

Beomgyu sees red, he’s grabbing Soobin’s collar before he could think it through.

“You shut your fucking mouth. You don’t know what you’re talking about. You don’t know her like I do.” Beomgyu shoves him away, his glare hot like lava as he walks out of the room. Heading toward his bedroom he doesn’t see Jiwon on the other side of the doorway. She bites her fist as a tear trickles down her cheek. 

“When’s Beomgyu coming over next?” Mao asks, switching to kneel on the couch toward a stone faced Jiwon. Jiwon takes in a quick breath, checking one last time if this is the right move.

“I don’t think he is.”

Mao and the other girls in the room all make a noise in surprise and crowd around Jiwon on the couch. “What the hell happened?” Haeyoon asked incredulously.

Jiwon lets out a small derisive laugh to pair with a tiny smirk as she drops her head. “He’s hung up over his ex.”

The girls all switch between comforting her and cursing him. 

“Who’s the ex?” Chaerin asks angrily.

Jiwon thinks on it again. Fuck it.

“Do you know that song Strawberry Jam?”

-🖊️⇝

Something is unresolved. That much is clear as you both lay in your own rooms, tear stains on each of your pillows. And as long as it stays unresolved, you both will be unable to be loved. 

You’ve denied four invitations to hang out with Chaewon, and you’re surprised she still asks. This month is a free schedule for you to rest after your song promotions are over.

Beomgyu either plays video games until his eyes are dry or lies in bed scrolling through social media. His members pop in to give him food.

Your stomach twists painfully as you watch tv in bed. The colors dance around blurrily as your eyes start to water again.

A month didn’t feel like a month, but you lost track of your days so it makes sense when your manager comes into your room. 

“What’s that smell? Get up and take a shower. We’re going to go over this month’s schedule.” She shuts the door, trusting that you’ll follow orders. Even she used to be kinder to you. What’s the use of attempting to start relationships when they don’t work out. Even your own parents don’t talk to you anymore. You laugh hoarsely. The laughing grows louder and louder until you’re cackling.

You cackle in the shower as well. Is this what happens after you’ve cried so much tears don’t come out anymore?

Beomgyu regretted chasing away Jiwon the minute he did it. She had a similar hurt expression to you when he yelled at her to get out of his room. Look at how each of his relationships ended. Why the hell would Hyesoo stay with a guy like him. Beomgyu’s lip quivers before he’s crying into his pillow again.

You both carry out what’s scheduled for you numbly, so checked out neither of you can add anything valuable to any conversation. 

“Remember how you signed up to be an MC? Well you got accepted! You can continue submitting songs for your next comeback but this should be your priority for now.” One of the women at the table inform you. Fuck, you did do that, didn’t you.

It turns out it’s pretty easy. Just smile and read your lines. It’s much easier to turn your MC switch on, it seems. You had even gotten comfortable with it. Your co-MC is friendly. Formal, but friendly. Everything was working out.

You lift up your cue card in the silence of your empty room.

“And here’s TXT with their new comeback...” Your enthusiasm wanes when you think about standing in a room with him again.

CRACK

It’ll be fine, just flip the switch.

You can feel that he’s there, everyone can feel the tension. The you that was involved with him is switched off right now. Right now you’re conducting an interview. 

Beomgyu slowly fades to the background as you watch the other members, remembering the good memories you had together. Soobin does most of the talking which makes your chest unwittingly constrict. After this you’ll be all alone again.

The makeup artist finally gets done touching up your makeup and you get a moment to stew. Only a short moment as the other MC approaches. 

“Hey, are you okay?” 

The simple question forces your switch off. The two of you made eye contact at the end of the interview, and for some reason a whirlwind of emotions threatened to escape you. You’re not okay.

“It’s just, I know you have a past with Beomgyu.”

“Yeah–” You look up at him as your brain fog slowly dissipates. “What did you say?”

“I heard that you wrote Strawberry Jam about him and I…”

Everything silently shatters, the pieces remaining all clattering to the floor.

“Look at the back of her neck.” You whip your head around to see two idols whispering before looking shocked and scurrying away. You send a shaky hand to the back of your neck to cover it. Doing so makes your sleeve drop and reveal scratches on your arm. You begin hyperventilating as you scan your surroundings. Multiple people, staff, idols, everybody is whispering and looking at you. You block out the other MC yelling after you as you run out of the room.

Was it Myungsoo? Was he retaliating because you left him? You never mentioned Beomgyu though. No… it could only be one person. Tears stream down your face as you hunt for their dressing room. You pass a mirror on the way and get stuck staring at your void of a face. Only a pair of reddened, crazed eyes stare back. You refocus on your hunt and finally find their door. You swing it open and rush toward Beomgyu in a frenzy.

As you enter, everything around Beomgyu is a blur. The staff looking shocked, Yeonjun and Soobin jumping up to restrain you. And you. Your makeup is completely ruined with a look of utter fury on your face as you cock your hand back before striking him across the face. Time goes back to normal as the staff gasp. Beomgyu places a hand over his stinging flesh. It prickles, burning through his numbness. The initial impact of the slap was like a crack of lightning striking him. He feels a blur of emotions threatening to pour out.

“Why the fuck would you do that?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Yeonjun and Soobin had successfully restrained you but you thrash to get free. You curse and swipe at Beomgyu, yelling incoherently. Beomgyu slowly stands up and approaches you. Taehyun has to join and hold each arm when Beomgyu is in reaching distance.

“Let me go!” You shriek like a raging animal, trying to rip yourself free. You kick at him, your heels striking his shins and sending a piercing bout of pain up his legs.

“What the fuck are you doing?! Get away from her!” Soobin yells.

“Let her go.” Beomgyu yells over the commotion.

“What?! Why would–” Yeonjun starts but Soobin lets go.

“Just do it. Let him have her.” Soobin spits, scowling at the younger male whose eyes are still trained on you. Taehyun and Yeonjun let you go and you immediately slap him again.

“You just couldn’t help trying to ruin my career again? Do you really hate me that much after I gave you what you wanted?” You whisper shakily, your eyes wild as they take him in.

“Beomgyu… what did you do?” Kai’s voice is weak behind him.

Beomgyu takes your arm and pulls you out of the room. You yell for him to let you go and strike his arm. Each hit is like a jolt of clarity for Beomgyu, the pain an afterthought. He pulls you into an empty room where you begin banging your fists against his chest. He stumbles backward, slamming you against the door and shutting it. 

He restrains your arms, squeezing them to keep them steady as you thrash again. “Why?! What else do you want?!”

“What did I do, he asked.” Beomgyu laughed. He throws his head against the door and laughs harder. You look on in utter disbelief.

“Is this funny to you?”

“What’s funny is that I didn’t do anything and somehow shit has still hit the fan. My members are questioning me again, you’re fucking hitting me again.” The amusement Beomgyu was expressing earlier is completely gone as he starts his rant.

“You told everyone that my song was about us!” 

“I didn’t!” He shouts back.

“Then who did Beomgyu?!”

“I’m not the only person who knew about us.” Beomgyu yanks you closer by your arms. You finally manage to free your arms and you drive a finger into his chest.

“But you are the only person who has proven to be malicious enough to do something like this.”

“How do you know it’s not one of your friends? You’re all big and famous now, maybe you shouldn’t go around telling anyone your secrets.”

“I don’t have any friends anymore, Beomgyu!” You shout, your voice cracking as a lone tear rolls down your cheek. “Remember? You drove me away from my only friends. I didn’t go “whoring around Enhypen”. I have no one.” The last of the sentence shreds your throat. You run your hands over your face before pointing at him again. “I’m going through enough and you choose to fuck with me. This is all I have Beomgyu!” You pound both your fists against his chest and again you’re moving in slow motion. He can see it in your eyes. In how hard you clench your teeth. He can feel it each time you strike him.

“Why would you do it?” You sob.

“Slap me.”

You gape at him, chest rising and falling violently as you make up for the amount of air you lost. 

Beomgyu is the one getting riled up now. “Do it. Slap me. Fucking do it–”

You strike him hard enough that the corner of his mouth splits. 

“Do it again.”

Your hand is impacting his cheek as soon as his sentence ends. 

“Again.”

You’re both breathing frantically as you slap him again and another time before he can even ask. He grabs your forearm and yanks you closer. “Do it. I know what you want. Fucking ruin me.”

You grab his face and pull his mouth to smash against yours. He lifts you up and you immediately wrap your legs around him. The taste of his tongue, his blood, it lights you up. All your emotions come flooding out as you grip his shirt and tear it apart. Your noses bump harshly against each other as he repositions you against the wall.

You can barely act on your urges with how intense Beomgyu’s actions are. Every ounce of passion you exude is given back to you tenfold. Within moments of letting you down you are both bare for each other.

Beomgyu’s skin being exposed is perfect for your nails dying to sink into it. You reach your arms under his that cage against the wall and slowly rake your fingernails down his back. He winces, letting out small noises of pain. The anger and sadness inside you has hit its peak. You’re so fucking angry, but the pained look on his face hurts.

You want to do something about your anger, but you still retract your hands and sink against the wall. Beomgyu looks at you confused before drawing closer. You shy away from him, whimpering as the bitter truth sets in.

Beomgyu didn’t force you to stop talking to Soobin. Beomgyu didn’t force you to ghost your friends. Beomgyu isn’t the cause of your loneliness. 

It’s you.

He reaches out to touch you but you push him away. His saddened eyes make you ache which in turn makes you more angry. But you can no longer bring yourself to hit him. A surge of rage sends your own hand across your face. The sting is distracting, it’s something. You strike your other cheek harder and Beomgyu stops you before you can do it again. 

“No.” He takes your hand and pulls it near his face. Your eyes follow your hand as it closes in on him. 

“Hit me.”

Your eyes move slowly towards his lips as they form the words, then up to his dark, big eyes. They’re swarming with depth and emotion. You take in his entire face, reddened by your hand. Lips swollen from your mouth. Hair tousled in the chaos. You see him.

You thought tears would be a rare occurrence by now, but there goes another, skitting from your cheekbone to the floor. You smile bitterly.

“I can’t.”

The gleam of your tears brings life to your otherwise tired eyes. He wants to question why, to wallow in self pity with his own delusional reasoning. But no, in your face is all the answers he needs. The same reason he hasn’t hurt you once this entire time. You sigh, letting your head fall, your eyes darkening as they close.

“I don’t know what else to do.” You express weakly.

Seeing you tremble silently makes his previous attempts to pin his resentment on you seem absurd. Beomgyu lets go of your hand.

“I don’t either.”

It’s like clarity washes over the both of you at the same time as you both take in your surroundings. Assess the situation. You shake your head.

“Then what are we doing here?” You brush past him in pursuit of your clothing, pick up each article scattered around the room. 

“It’s just like we said. We don’t know what else to do.” He says behind you.

You slow your collection as you let his words sink in. You’ve exhausted every other option. Therapy, rough sex, songwriting, diaries, crying. Then you feel his warmth behind you. Your eyes ease closed as you melt into him. Your mind goes blank and for the first time in a long time, it’s not out of force or sheer exhaustion. Both of you relax into one another. You’d have to go out eventually, explain yourself and face scrutiny. Risk people’s opinions of you degrading. There’s nothing to worry about here. You’ve already seen the worst of each other. There’s nothing to guard in fear.

You turn around to face him. He looks different. Softer. Unintimidating. He could say the same for you. You climb on top of him, shivering as his member brushes against your mound. Your lips meld together like softening butter. They glide, becoming slick with the other’s saliva. 

He glides his nose up the side of your face as he slips inside you. Both of your mouths hang agape as he slots all the way in. He’s buried deep inside you, no space left unfilled. The two of you substitute kissing for pressing your heads together, feeling every part of the other's skin. You trail your tongue across his jaw before kissing up to his ear. Every sense is filled with Beomgyu to the point where you can’t think of anything else. His makeup, his cologne, his body wash, his deodorant, his lotion, his taste, his touch, him, him, him. Your heart swells as he showers you with as much attention as you give him and then some.

Your hips move in unison, grinding together. Once you kiss again there’s no longer any space in between. Disconnecting sends slightly louder pants and moans into the air as you both start moving faster. You’ve never heard him moan like this. It’s so unrestrained and vulnerable, exposing his eagerness just as much as his hands squeezing your ass does. 

You find you feel full in more ways than one right now. He saw you at your ugliest and he’s still here right now holding you like he never plans to let go. As if reading your thoughts, he clutches you even closer. You feel a light, bubbly laugh float from your chest as your legs start to tingle. You gasp as you climax with a stutter of your hips. Your movements slow ‘til they’ve almost ceased as you drowsily rest your forehead on his. The two of you rock back and forth in the only clean circle of the room amongst the chaos.

A moment of serenity is all the two of you are granted when you hear a knock at the door. Soobin comes in, looking disappointed as he regards you both.

“Are you done? Everyone’s looking for you.”

-🖊️⇝

Beomgyu got an earful for disappearing that day. You could’ve gotten into an ungodly amount of trouble if the other MC didn’t stick up for you. He felt responsible and was beyond apologetic. You forgave him, of course. He did nothing wrong. Also, you've come to terms with the fact that you know you have nothing to do with that song. It's someone else's demo you got paid to perform. It doesn't define you.

“Hey, are you coming?” Chaewon asks. You go to answer but notice a couple of conflicted looks from her members. A quick thought that you “better not annoy them” crosses your mind. You imagine tagging along and making things awkward and it makes you wince.

“No, I-”

“Come on.” Yunjin says dismissively and pulls you by the arm to follow them to their next location. 

You sit stiffly on the couch, clapping along to Eunchae’s loud singing as everyone around you cheers.

She concludes with two bows and a loud ‘thank you’ into the microphone. 

“Go ahead and pick who’s next.” Yunjin yells gleefully. You’re too distracted to realize Yunjin’s hand is hovering over you with her finger extended down.

“Hmm…” Eunchae pretends to think about it for a comically short amount of time before yelling out your name. Your confusion is cut short by a cheering Yunjin and Chaewon pushing you toward the screen. She hands you the mic which you take hesitantly. Once they're seated again they initiate a chant.

“Sing! Sing! Sing! Sing!”

Your brain does the honors of going over all of the embarrassing ways this could play out. Regardless of that, you’re already singing. It’s either that or running out the door, and the latter would take much more effort and explaining. Besides, what’s the worst that could happen?

You finish to cheers and applause and you bow in response.

-🖊️⇝

Things in the dorm have gone back to being tense. Soobin isn’t giving Beomgyu the silent treatment this time, but it’s clear he’s disappointed. Everyone is under the impression that they hooked up again only to go back to hating each other. Mostly because you haven’t come over yet. Beomgyu was giving it some time, but now he’s ready.

“Stop acting weird.” He sighs, rubbing his nose bridge. “I did have sex with her. No, the song isn’t about me. We don’t hate each other. You guys can stop tiptoeing around me now.”

The members visibly untense, but only to express confusion.

“Where is she then?” Soobin speaks up, casting a stern look his way.

“Why does her being here matter?” Beomgyu finally gets to ask.

“Remember when you called me naive for having faith in her?” Soobin grits his teeth. “After all that she’s still-”

You cautiously click open the door, slowly revealing your apologetic expression. “I was going to wait but I didn’t…” You stop when you see the hardened look on Soobin’s face upon seeing you. “H-hello everyone.”

Kai stands up and marches over to give you a crushing hug. The gesture makes your heart flutter.

“You didn’t even call.” He pouts.

“I’m sorry.” You squeeze out. Taehyun and Yeonjun come next. Taehyun gives you a side hug while Yeonjun pats your back.

“Welcome back.” Yeonjun says with a wide smile.

The moment is interrupted by Soobin walking out of the living room into his own and slamming the door. You immediately follow after him, an action that Beomgyu watches carefully. Of course he notices a sharp pain in his chest, but he sits with it. Studies it. You could be chasing after him to reveal your true feelings and this time he may accept. He doesn’t want that. It even makes him a little bitter, but he can’t stop you. He can say whatever ugly words come to his mind to try and scare you away, but this time they may not work. And you’re not doing anything wrong. Him cuddling with you and drifting off to sleep in your bed doesn’t mean you’re dating. Moreover, you’re not Hyesoo. He’s seen every part of you by now. Regardless of everything, he’ll still be happy to have you in his life.

“You have sex with me and then never show your face again? Do you know how that feels?” Soobin explains desperately with tears springing to his eyes. “I knew the sex was meaningless, that was the whole point, but for you to up and leave afterward like I was just some random guy really sucks.”

“I-I didn’t want to leave, Soobin. I was too mortified to show my face again.”

“Because that’s what you guys being together does! You break down each other and then turn to breaking down those around you just trying to help. It’s selfish for you to waltz back in here like everything is back to normal.”

“It’s not.” You state confidently. “Everything is very, very different now. I can’t go into public spaces without being recognized, I have more people around me than ever before, and Beomgyu and I don’t hate each other anymore. You said it yourself, we’re similar and we wreck everything around us. We do it to ourselves. Beomgyu realizes it now and I certainly do. I don’t want things to go back to normal, because that version of me is gone.” The more you speak, the easier the words come. You smile hopefully at Soobin.

“I’m moving on with or without you, but I’d really love it if you entered this new chapter with me.”

You grab both of Soobin’s hands as his head droops. He’s silent for what feels like decades passing you by. Then he squeezes your hands.

Epilogue 🖊️⇝

Chaewon: you should apologize.

You pass the phone to Beomgyu in the midst of his “advice”. He crosses one arm over his chest as he reads the very short text for an inappropriate amount of time.

“But you didn’t know, right?”

“That doesn’t mean I’m not in the wrong.” You groan, snatching your phone back. He snatches it right back and starts texting. 

“Hey!” You go to take your phone back but he leans away further and further until his body is caging the phone against the couch. You climb over him and bite his shoulder but he just laughs as the text is sent. You frantically snatch your phone back and look in horror.

You: tomorrow at my house 6pm;’2[21

“What the fuck! Beomgyu!” You shriek.

“You didn’t know, therefore you didn’t intentionally do anything wrong. But you did hurt Kazuha’s feelings and the members are very mad at you.” He explains calmly, smacking on his food. 

“Thanks for reminding me of my unfortunate situation.” You deadpan.

“You were worried they think you're a horrible person. Boom–” He motions at your phone with his sandwich. “You can fix that. You’re worried you’re actually a horrible person, but you had no intentions of hurting anyone.”

“Yeah but you weren’t there. The way I said it was so insensitive in context and the look on Zuha’s face,” You whimper and hide your face in your hands.

“You didn’t hurt her on purpose.” The finality in Beomgyu’s voice makes you look up at him. His face is serious. “I’m certain of it. Now come here.” He pats his lap and you’re eagerly scooting over to lay your head on his lap. He sighs.

“You idiot.” He brushes away the tear falling down your face. “Why don’t you listen to me?”

“Hurting someone as sweet as her is pure evil.” You whisper.

“I don’t have to know you to say that an evil person wouldn’t be this remorseful. But knowing you, you’re not the type of person to go into an exchange ready to hurt an innocent person. You’re the type of person who sits quietly thinking about what you could say that will make people laugh the loudest and smile the brightest. I’m very sure that’s what you were thinking that day as well.” He voices his thoughts as he strokes your hair, stroking your cheek with his thumb. He looks down to meet your gaze and you feel the singe of a fire starting in your heart. He smiles lazily and it's the cherry on top of the artwork that is his face. 

You slowly lean up before capturing his lips. It’s slow, tender, loaded. Kissing him after all the chaos feels like lying in a field of dandelions, the seeds breaking away and dancing in the wind. His skin feels like the warm hug of sunlight. His voice is like birds singing. You pull away and look at him in awe. He seems to be mirroring your feelings if his drunken expression is anything to go by. He shuts his mouth and brushes the back of his hand against your cheek.

“You’re kissing me outside of us having sex?” Beomgyu sports exaggerated shock and presses his palm to your forehead. His antics force a giggle out of you. “Are you sick?!”

You swipe his hand away, unable to ignore the burning light in your chest as you look at him and he silently looks back. You lean in and kiss him one last time before risking it all once you realize what this feeling is.

“I think I love you.” You whisper, looking desperately at his face to catch anything unsavory. His smile drops, looking genuinely shocked this time. He grabs your face and pecks your lips over and over before moving to the other parts of your face until you're stuck in a fit of laughter. He pulls away with adoration in his eyes.

“I loved you first.”

[spacexseven]

I want a pathetic fyodor, one who just, gets down on his knees and gives his prayers. A stinky rat

i think we all want to see fyodor on his knees :^ part of the god reader au ^^ reader is gn but referred to as 'lord' here...cos idk what else to use

cw: yandere themes

"everything is going according to plan," he whispers, head hung low. for someone who claimed he was of weak constitution, fyodor was surprisingly sturdy on his knees, not trembling for a moment despite being here for almost an hour now in silence.

"there were a few...minor infractions, but the agency has been successfully framed and the sky casino is doing better than expected," your breath stilled for a moment, "for all this, i only have you to thank for that, my lord. thank you for gracing this humble servant of yours with your blessing."

despite how he has you seated on a literal throne, you can't help but wonder if this was merely an illusion of control that he was casting over you. but even for fyodor, wasn't this too long of a play? you had been worshiped before, a long time ago, but this level of reverence, this intense desire he had...a glimpse of amethyst peers up at you from below dark eyelashes, an unnerving light gleaming from the depths. and there it was again—unmistakable, unyielding devotion. it was so starved that it simultaneously frightened and mesmerized you. you almost didn't want him to look away. you had only locked eyes for mere moments before he lowered his quickly, almost like he was frightened.

the silence stretches. was he waiting for a response? since the day he called you here, placed you upon your magnificent throne, and bowed at your feet with a wretched cry of vengeance, you had never uttered a word to him. it wouldn't change even now.

"i do not expect you to be satisfied," he exhales after a long, painfully silent minute, "there is still much to be done. but i swear i will carry out your will no matter what it takes."

the sight was almost pitiful, him on his knees and head lowered pathetically. you considered, briefly, bestowing upon him some form of acknowledgment. something for him to look up at, eyes wide for a moment, only for his charming, characteristic smile to appear, like the first time you met him. against your better judgement, perhaps, you move your hand to cup his cheek, forcing him to look up. he seemingly melts with a low sigh, like you had relieved him of a decade of torment. you wondered if your touch was the salvation he often spoke of. emboldened by your initiation, fyodor moves to rest his head on your lap.

"thank you," a strange noise escapes him, and he shudders. it's not out of fear, you can tell, but something more... pleasurable, "i am not worthy..."

he moves again until his dry lips graze the palm of your hand, and suddenly, it all feels too real—his soft hair brushing your wrists, his warm breath contrasting the cold room—"i can only pray that you continue to bless me with your unwavering guidance, and let me carry out your divine will." his last words echo in the room, long after he's gone, "i will not rest until you stand upon the corpses of those who scorned you."

[mechformers]

Ma Miles - Ch. 19

11.8k words

Chapter warning: Food? Handfeeding? Arguing? Idk anymore XD

Wow... um, although I am so late and I do apologize for that, this chapter just kept growing and growing until it became a monster lol We ended up with 11.876 words for this chapter alone... So, with that, I do hope you'll enjoy! Leave me a comment and make me the happiest little writer alive? :3

(If you want to be tagged with the updated chapters, please leave your @ myusername in the comments!)

Previous chapter | Masterpost | Chapter 20

Flying with Hawnu doesn’t bring you half the comfort you had hoped it would. Spider has turned in your arms, legs locking behind your back as he holds onto you, comforting you as if you were the one who needed comfort. You’re afraid to squeeze him too hard against you, but as your tears keep falling, you’re absolutely helpless to do anything but hide your face against his shoulder while holding him closer still. 

“I’m alright, Mom,” Spider mumbles, a little breathless, and immediately, you loosen your tight hold on him. 

“I’m supposed to protect you,” Your voice sounds pathetic even to your own ears, but Spider looks up at you with sad eyes. 

“You do - you always do, Mom,” His beautiful brown eyes glitter in the sun and for just a moment, you let yourself commit them to memory once more. 

“I wasn’t there for you to protect you against that - against your father,” You reel your anger in for the sake of your son, but by the way he sighs, it’s evident that your attempt at not calling his father names has failed. 

“Mom, I know you’re disappointed with him, I am too. But the moment I was in danger, he gave it all up - to save me,” Spider’s eyes plead with you as he advocates for his father. “He had Jake, he had him, Mom. But when I stepped forward, his panic was real,”

“He had no right taking you - taking the children. To use them in his game of war,” Although you want to ask, although you want to know what happened, you don’t. 

“He doesn’t know our ways, Mom,” Spider still defends him and it makes you angry that your son can be this forgiving. 

“It doesn’t matter if the demon knows our ways or not,” You sneer, the anger inside you bubbling to the surface, “He should have kept all children sacred. Should protect them with everything that he is,”

Spider flinches in your arms and immediately, regret fills you. It wasn’t often that you argued like this, disagreeing - sure - but not straight out arguing. 

“He wasn’t going to hurt Kiri,” Your son squares his shoulders as he narrows his eyes at you and at that moment, he resembles the demon so much. 

“You don’t know that,” You growl down at him, watching as his beautiful eyes filled with an emotion you never wanted to see in your son. 

“I know him better than you ever will if you think he’d kill a child,” Spider sneers, and the sheer venom and disgust behind his words takes you by surprise. 

You’re helpless to keep him from turning in your arms, to stare blankly ahead as he crosses his arms in front of his chest. You should probably find comfort in the way he still trusts you to catch him, should he slide off of Hawnu, but you don’t. You’ve never had an argument like this before, never shared heated words like these. It makes you take a step back, to look at what you know, and analyze it once more. In the back of your head, you can feel Mo’at’s eyes staring at you, silently waiting for you to come to her while she offers her silent support. By the time you circle back to the village, the eclipse is nearly upon you. You haven’t spoken a word since Spider hit you with his cold facts. But still, how could you trust that that was the truth? 

“Will you tell me what happened?” You ask Spider, noticing how his soldiers hitch up to protect his neck, “Please,”

“He doesn’t know who he is, Mom,” Spider’s voice is so small you almost miss it, but it makes the impact of his words that much more important to you. 

“How do you mean?” You don’t know if it’s the right question, but you hope that your son will allow you room for error nonetheless. 

“He… He was made in a lab, like Jake, but he died all those years ago when Neytiri killed him,” The mention of Neytiri makes betrayal burn hot within you, but you bite your tongue, patiently waiting for Spider to collect his thoughts. 

“They put his memories and personality in a soul stick and when his new body was ready, they put it into his mind. When he woke up, when all of them woke up, they still thought they were human,” What Spider tells you makes sense in a way it shouldn’t have. What would it be like to wake up as someone you were not? 

“But he’s not that man anymore. He said it himself, the others said he had changed too. Said he’s kinder,” Spider continues, his voice low, so confident in the words he speaks. “He doesn’t know what to do anymore because of you,”

“Because of me?” You can’t help the surprise that enters your voice as you look down at the back of your son’s head. 

“You showed him what a family was supposed to be, Mom,” The words are spoken so low as if he can’t believe that you didn’t already know. “You taught them about patience and respect, you gave them the knowledge they needed to be their own person,”

“But he still has to answer to the General, Mom,” The mention of that vile woman makes you hiss in response as your ears snap back against your skull. “What he did isn’t right and I’m not excusing his actions, but he was their leader. He tried to do what was best for them,”

“Killing Jake will not help them,” You counter back, only for Spider to sigh. 

“No, but it would have kept the General from threatening them,” Your son turns his head to level you with a stare he rarely used, one who told you that whatever he was saying, no matter how outlandish, was the truth. 

You had learned the hard way what it meant to cross his stare, had learned the hard way the consequences it would have. The first and only time you had brushed it away, it had nearly cost him his life had it not been for Hawnu. From that day on, no matter how wild what he told you was, while wearing that expression, you had taken his words to heart as if it was Eywa herself delivering the message.

“What do you mean?” You ask evenly, pushing your emotions aside to give him your full attention. 

“They thought I wouldn’t understand or thought I didn’t hear, but she threatened him with their lives every opportunity she had. She told him how he needed to show her some results, how he needed to prove to her that her faith in them wasn’t misplaced,” Spider’s face grows helpless as he tells you what he’s heard, a desperation you never wanted to hear again entering his voice as he continued, “But she meant him, Mom. She meant that he needed to prove to her that her faith in him wasn’t misplaced, or else…”

You knew this to be the truth. Even if he hadn’t overheard the threats, even if she had underestimated Spider because he was a child, thinking that he wouldn’t understand. In the deepest pit of your soul, you knew that this woman, this the General Ardmore, would try to manipulate the devil to do her bidding. The unit had been the only ones he held dear, the only ones he cared about - often on behalf of his own wellbeing. His exhausted face when entering your room in the early hours of the morning was still fresh in your mind. The way he would collapse beside your nest to catch a few hours of sleep before he was up again, ready to lead his unit. If you were being honest with yourself, you had known that he worked himself to the bones to secure his unit’s wellbeing, and now; you knew this to be the truth. 

“Mom?” Spider questions, his voice uncertain and small, so unlike the confident young man he had become. 

“Alright,” You tell him, meeting his eyes, “Alright,”

“Yeah?” The hope shining in his beautiful brown eyes makes your heart tighten painfully. 

“Yeah,” You parrot, promising him that you will find a way to guide the demon, to steer him right once more. 

You watch as Spider sighs with relief before he turns back to stare ahead toward the village in the distance. Leaning back against you, he holds onto your forearm as you wrap it around him to hold him close to you. Leaning down, you breathe in the mess of his hair, closing your eyes as his scent brings you comfort.

“I’m sorry,” You mumble against him, squeezing him harder.

“I’m sorry too, Mom,” Your son bands his head back to smile up at you and just like that, it feels as if nothing can hurt you again, not as long as he’s happy and safe. 

Hawnu lands carefully on the sandy beach you had first arrived at, his powerful wings bending in to allow the two of you easy access. Mo’at lands behind you, the older woman gracefully sliding off from her own ikran before sending it away. She has been uncharacteristically quiet since arriving at the Metkayina islands, uncharacteristically quiet whenever she was teaching you. 

“There is a basket with food waiting for you by your kelku, Spider,” Mo’at hums as she comes to a stop beside you, silently asking for your time. 

“Eat well, my son,” You smile as Spider turns to leave, his smile knowing as he looks back at you. 

“He will be a mighty leader one day,” Mo’at hums her voice soft, curtain in a way only a Tsahìk’s voice could be when speaking of the future. 

“I want you to take up tsakarem,” And there it was, what Mo’at had been chewing on, the cause for her silence since leaving their home behind. 

“I can not be tsakarem, Tsahìk,” You counter, hoping that she will understand. “I do not possess the blessing needed by the Great Mother,

“What you possess or not, is not up to you to decide, child,” Mo’at snaps back, her voice firm, leaving no space for argument. 

“Even if the Great Mother would send me a sign, guiding me toward such an honorable purpose, I do not have the time to dedicate to these studies. I must take care of my child and I must decide on what to do next,” It’s obvious that Mo’at had not expected you to deny her wishes, her lips thinning as her eyes narrow minutely. 

“Your son is a man, even though he can not pass his Iknimaya,” The Tsahìk strikes back as if this conversation is a battle of wills. 

“My son,” You bite out, unable to keep the exhausted tears from swimming in your eyes as you steel yourself against your Tsahìk, “Is a child who has been through events I would not have wished on my greatest enemy. He will require time to heal,” 

Mo’at huffs at that, her hands tightening into fists by her sides while her lips thin further. It’s clear as the eclipse that your Tsahìk does not agree, but you are Spider’s mother. If anyone knows what he needs, it would be you. The tears you had been fighting to keep at bay fall, one following the other until you’re silently crying in front of your Tsahìk

“Do not baby him, Y/n,” Mo’at sighs, tsking at you as she seemingly decides to let the conversation go for now. “The Great Mother has spoken about your futures, you will not be able to deny her plans for you,”

And with that, your Tsahìk leaves you on the beach to turn her words around in your head. ‘Your futures,’ keeps spinning around until your head starts hurting. If Mo’at has received a sign from Eywa, would she not have told you about it already? Would you not have received a sign too? The memory of dancing atokirinas comes to mind but you push it away immediately, not wanting to think about your mistake. 

With a deep sigh, you leave the sandy beach behind. You’re not really hungry as you pass the communal meals. Neytiri’s eyes catch yours where she sits with her family, Neteyam nestled close between Jake and her. You don’t want to look at her, don’t want to talk with her. When Neytiri rises, Jake grabs her hand, shaking his head before smiling gently at you. A part of you that’s not hurt by the two, thanks him for understanding that you need space. But the part that is still bleeding makes you avert your eyes as you continue to walk back to your kelku. 

You’re happy to realize that it’s quiet inside. The warriors that stand guard, greet you gently as you walk toward the entrance of your kelku. But from across the room, yellow eyes meet yours, halting you in your stride. Turning your back to the demon, you close the flap, just to occupy your hands. You hadn’t wanted to go to sleep yet, but with the demon still awake, seemingly awaiting our arrival, you’re left with few options. One by one, you fasten the buckles that keep the harsh night winds from chilling your sleeping bodies, bathing your kelku in darkness, only to be illuminated by the pit in the middle. 

Walking over to your nest, you can’t help the smile that crosses your lips as you look down on Spider’s sleeping form. It seems that no matter how old he gets, he never stops curling in on himself with his blankets. Getting in behind him, you curl protectively against his back, wrapping your arm around him to hold him close. You still dread the day he will be too old for this, for the day he will make his own kelku and leave yours to live alone or hopefully, with a mate that adores him. Leaning forward you kiss the back of his head before closing your eyes. 

Behind you, the demon sighs before the rustling of his own blankets fills the quiet kelku. He groans as he gets up from his nest before heavy footsteps take him to your own. Coming to a stop behind you, you’re unable to keep your shoulders from rising to protect your neck, your ears pinning flat to your skull. Kneeling by your nest, the demon breathes heavily as he decides on what to do, eventually finding his resolve as he takes a deep breath.

“For what it’s worth, I am sorry, sweetheart,” The demon rumbles, his voice husky and deep. 

He kneels there for a while longer before getting up, walking over to lie down in his own nest, the blankets rustling before he quiets down. Slowly, you let out a breath you weren’t even aware of holding. Your heart hurts for him, for the pain he has caused you… for the cold distance between you. Trying your best, you eventually fall into an uneasy sleep, the events of the day playing in your mind, torturing you in your fitful sleep. By the look of the demon the next morning, he had fared no better. 

Opening your kelku, you welcome the fog-like wind as you greet the early morning. The sun had yet to fully rise by the time the flaps to your kelku were all rolled open and attached to the sides. It gave you time to sit by the sea-facing opening while Spider slept, your legs dangling over the edge toward the water as you sliced open the spartan fruit in your hand. It isn’t long before the demon’s long legs join yours, his toes touching the water's surface as he sits down beside you. The silence stretches on, neither one of you knowing what to say to the other, so instead, you hand him half of the spartan fruit you had slices open. Together, you watch the sunrise bathing the village in the bright light of day, in silence. Spartan fruit long since gone, you distantly worry if the demon needed more than half a fruit, but as you get up to fetch another, Jake and Tonowari knock on the wall outside, making their presence known. 

“Good morning,” Jake greets, his ears pinned to his skull as his tail twitches anxiously behind him. 

“Good morning, Jake,” You smile reassuringly at him, hoping to put him to ease. 

“I see you,” Tonowari greets formally, but the smile on his face is anything but, “I see you, Spider,”

Looking behind you, you can’t help the chuckle that leaves your throat as you take in the sleepy state of your son. His eyes are thin slits as he sleepily greets Tonowari back, his messy hair sticking out in odd directions. He looks as if he’s slept hard, something that makes all of them smile fondly as he works his way through greeting Jake, all but falling asleep in the middle. 

“Demon, I trust you are healing?” Tonowari addresses the demon, his shoulders squaring as he levels him with a look. 

“I am,” The demon replies, foregoing all formalities as he tries to cross his arms over his chest only to wince in pain. 

“Good,” Tonowari hums before turning his head toward you again, “Y/n, as your companion and your responsibility, you are to resume his lessons, teaching the demon the Na’vi way. Jake Sully will teach him how to hunt, how to ride tsurak,”

“W-w-what’s he saying about Sully?” The demon stutters in desperation to understand what’s been said, waving his hand toward you while his tail twitches anxiously behind him. 

“Be quiet, demon,” You hiss at him, only for Spider to snort from your nest, making the two of you snap your heads in his direction. 

“Hey, I didn’t say anything,” Spider grins, throwing his hands up in the same way his father and Jake do. 

“What do this mean?” You growl with frustration, doing the same hand gesture, “I do not know this hand thing,” 

“What do you mean you don’t know what it means?” The demon hums from behind as he moves closer, repeating the gesture, “It’s universally known,” 

“Yeah, I always assumed you knew,” Jake parrots the demon’s confusion as he too steps closer, doing the same hand gesture. “Everyone knows what this means,”

“I know this meaning,” Tonowari proclaims proudly. Still, neither one of them actually takes the time to explain it to you, until the demon’s eyes land on you and immediately his face softens. 

“It means that we come in peace, that we mean no harm,” The demon offers, his voice low and gentle. “It means that we surrender,”

“Why do you not say that?” You ask, your confusion only deepening. 

“Why do you do the gesture with your hand while greeting each other?” The demon counters just as quickly, his face open, welcoming the discussion. 

“It is the way of the people,” You reply proudly, your shoulders squaring with your response. 

“Well, sweetheart, this is the way of my people,” His hands come up once more to demonstrate and for once, you cannot fault him. 

Nodding your understanding, you take a deep breath as you try to remember the meaning of the gesture, memorizing it. You have always respected other cultures and their customs, you were not about to stop with his just because he was not of this world. You had respected his weird tweng and armor, had respected their unit clans and their ranks - their different purposes within the unit. If this gesture was the way of the sky people, then it was one you would have to memorize, if not for the demon, then for the sake of your son. 

Tonowari looks so confused where he stands and it’s only then that it occurs to you that he doesn’t know the English. Looking at Jake, he doesn’t seem worried at all, but it doesn’t make it right. Immediately, your tail twitches anxiously behind you which draws Jake’s attention quicker than it should have, seeing as he wasn’t even looking in your direction. You get the unsettling feeling that your old Olo’eyktan sees more than he lets on. 

“If you are to learn the Na’vi way, we will speak the language of the people,” You turn your head to look at the demon, watching how his face scrunches up as he tries to follow what you just said. 

“Fair enough,” The demon starts only for his ears to flatten against his skull as you hiss at him, “Okay, okay,”

“You should heed your ma-” Tonowari starts but Jake coughs loudly, beating his fist against his chest loudly while sending Tonowari a look you can’t decipher. It’s obvious that he has just stopped the Olo’eyktan from saying something, but as you narrow your eyes at Jake to explain, he feigns ignorance. 

“As I was saying; you should heed your teacher,” Tonowari continues, changing up his words, but you do still not recognize what made Jake interrupt his words, “She will teach you everything you need to know and together, we will teach you about the water,”

“Every morning, you will learn to be one with the sea” Tonowari gestures to Jake and Spider, and you note how they both smile gently at you.

The mention of the sea, however, has the demon taking a quick breath as he stiffens beside you. His tail twitches anxiously as his ears lower, narrowing to sharp points against his skull once more. Immediately, the nurturing side of you latches on. You’re helpless to witness as your hand reaches out to gently hold his forearm as you smile softly, encouragingly, up at him when his head snaps to look at you. 

“You do not know the water,” Tonowari looks directly at the demon, noting his reaction, before his gaze turns to yours, “But you will,” 

“I would suggest communal meals to be a good place to start. Your son already knows some of the people and you already know the Sullys. You have my word that you will be safe here, but he is of the sky people, he has caused a lot of suffering. The demon’s path will not be easy and by association, yours might be tainted too,” The big man speaks gently, slowly as if to help the demon with understanding what’s being said. 

You know he’s been successful when the demon’s eyes turn to you once more, his face scowling while he’s deep in thought. He seems to have understood what the Olo’eyktan had said, only to find that he didn’t like the implication of the words spoken. His tail whips quickly behind him in agitation, but his ears rotate, open and attentive, toward you. It’s obvious to everyone that he’s having a battle within himself, one he eventually knows the outcome of as he huffs air through his nose and looks at Tonowari. To everyone’s surprise, he nods his head while gesturing ‘I see you’. It seems to be the right course of action when Tonowari mirrors the gesture before turning back to Jake. The two men mumble something to each other, but all your attention is on the demon, your own tail moving behind you as your ears turn to him, curiosity clawing at the back of your mind. 

“You hungry?” Jake asks a few moments later and just like that, your spell is broken. 

“We are,” You reply as if it wasn’t already obvious that you would be hungry after yesterday’s events. 

Reaching out for Spider, you bend down to kiss his hand once he grabs yours. Smiling down at him you can see just how pleased he is with the outcome and it occurs to you that he has been worried about what would happen with his father and you. Turning your head to the demon you nod your head toward the entrance of your kelku, gesturing to him to follow you. Jake’s looking at you with an almost pained expression, but when you move past him, he follows beside the demon. Spider leads you through the village, excitedly chatting about the new adventures he and Lo’ak are going on. He keeps talking about Payakan and how he’s such an amazing creature. It stings your heart when you realize that you can’t remember who Payakan is, but then you enter the communal meal and all the heads of the clan turn to stare at you. 

Immediately, your ears pin closer to your skull, your tail wrapping around Spider’s small thigh to keep him close as he leads you through the people to where the rest of the Sullys already sit waiting. Neytiri’s expression is pained when she looks up at you, her own expression mirroring yours as her tail wraps around Neteyam. She’s just as unable to help the response as you were and for just a moment, your own pained and betrayed emotions are shoved to the side to see Neytiri for who she really is - a mother to another mother. The way you stand frozen in the middle of the communal circle is awkward, giving the people something to look at while they eat. A gentle hand grabs your shoulder and for a moment, you’re helpless you reach up to put your own hand over the long digits, squeezing hard as you hold the demon’s hand. You hate to admit that his reassurance grounds you, that his presence calms you enough to break out of your frozen state. But when he moves in front of Spider and you, your hand still clasped in his, your confusion sets in. 

His entire body is rigid, his tail whipping agitatedly behind him while his own ears are pinned back against his skull. Still, he bends his head and gestures “I see you,” to Neytiri, the older woman growling deep in her chest before she does the same. You’re so confused when he leads your little fami - when he leads you to the place beside Mo’at, greeting her the same way. 

“Corporal,” The demon rumbles when he has ushered you to sit, “Can you show me where to get food?”

Immediately, you hiss at him and his stubborn mind. The demon’s ears rotate forward to you, open and wide as he curiously looks down at you with his hands open between you - the sky people gesture for not meaning any harm. 

“Can you show food?” The demon stumbles through the sentence, making the people close enough to hear snicker loudly.

The demon’s ears snap back against his skull as his tail twitches anxiously behind him. He’s growling deep in his chest, the sound almost painful with how deep it is. Yet he only stares at Jake, waiting for him. 

“Come on, Quaritch,” Jake huffs a chuckle as he shakes his head before walking off. 

It leaves you alone with the eyes of what feels like the entirety of the Awa'atlu village pinned on you. It’s uncomfortable, but when you look down at Spider, he doesn’t seem to care about the attention. Looking further, you note how Neytiri doesn’t look at you, her ears still folded down against her skull, where she sits beside her son, his hand in hers as she draws invisible nonsense in his hand. Looking down at your own son’s hand still in yours, you notice how you’re doing the exact same thing. You’re unable to help the breathless chuckle that leaves you at the realization. 

“I trust you have found rest, my child?” Mo’at hums from beside you, her all-seeing eyes looking through your soul. 

“It was fitful, Tsahìk,” You respond honestly, knowing that she would see the truth whether you responded or not. 

“Your path will not be easy, child. Are you prepared to walk it before the eyes of the Great Mother?” The look in Mo’at’s eyes tells you that there’s something she’s not saying, that there’s a knowledge of the future that she is not entrusting you with for whatever reason. 

“If it is Eywa’s will, then I will walk it,” It’s not the response you want to give, but it is the only one you can give. 

You got yourself into this situation, not, you must trudge the path that slowly builds before you, trusting that the Great Mother will not desert you, that the path will be sure - strong and just - as it’s built. Mo’at looks up at something beside you, a knowing smile on her lips before her eyes shift to Jake as he bends down in front of her and presents a food wrap. 

“Here,” The demon mumbles in front of you, his tall frame hunched down into a crouch. 

“Thank you,” You hum without looking at him, reaching out to take the offered food wrap. 

It doesn’t cross your mind before the demon gave Spider food and sat down beside Mo’at with his own food wrap, that you had just accepted the demon’s courting advances once more in front of the people. Mo’at looks at you with that same knowing smile, as your ears droop with the realization of what you have just done. Jake is staring at you with curiosity, a gentle, crooked smile on his lips. Neytiri looks disgusted while Neteyam grins beside her, the mirth in his eyes so much like his father. Looking down at Spider, his beautiful brown eyes glitter in the warm morning light as he looks up at you with a happy smile and just like that, even though you had decided on the demon’s ignorance of the gesture, you would do it all again just to see this expression on your son’s face again. 

Sighing, you unwrap the food, bending the leaves back only for your eyes to shoot up in surprise, meeting the hopeful yellow of the demon. He looks at you intently, waiting for you to eat, as if he’s aware of what he’s doing. Snapping your eyes over to Jake, you’re met with the smuggest expression you have ever seen on the Toruk Makto before he lifts his hands in the air before his chest and shrugs innocently. Narrowing your eyes at him only makes him laugh, however. Looking down at the food in your hand, you take a deep breath, closing your eyes for just a second before picking a bite of your favorite food, bringing it to your lips, officially sealing your acceptance of his courting. In your peripheral sight, you can see the demon’s ears have rotated towards you, open and wide, as he waited. Pleased with what he sees, his tail twitches happily as he digs into his own food. 

The people watch you while you eat, their eyes boring into your every action as you eat. It’s humiliating to be watched this closely as if your very existence is a spectacle for them to entertain themselves with. It makes you angry, sad, and despaired as there’s absolutely nothing you can do about the situation. So instead, you try to consecrate on Spider, watching how your son digs into his breakfast as if he was starving. It’s only then that you notice that his food wrap had freshly diced yovo fruit in them. In surprise, your eyes shoot up to look at the demon, his own eyes already trained on you, observing you. Beside him, Mo’at chuckles to herself, but the sound is enough to tear the demon’s eyes away from yours, giving you an out to look down at your food instead. The demon was providing for your son and you, showing you that he was worthy enough to court you, that you would not regret accepting his advances. 

The realization sank like a heavy stone to the deepest pit of your stomach. You had accepted his advances before, no matter how innocent or accidental, and look where that had brought you. Lost in your own thoughts, you didn’t notice how everyone finished their breakfast or when they got up to leave for their chores. A hand reaches forward toward you and instinctively, you grab it, sighing with comfort as the long digits wrap around your hand, holding it firmly, but carefully. Looking up, you’re rudely awoken once more, but it’s already too late. The demon gently pulls you up to your feet, steadying you with a hand on your hip as he smiles gently down at you. Whispers and disgusted sneers surround you as the people pass by, but you’re lost in the demon’s eyes. As if drowning, looking up toward the sunny surface, you search his yellow orbs, noticing the different colors that dance within them. 

You had given this man so much, yet, he had only taken until he got what he wanted. He had endangered your son in his chase for revenge, had caused so much pain and suffering wherever he went. He was the bringer of death but caught in his sharp orbs, you’re unable to see the more - unable to see unsee the imminent rebirth that always follows in destruction’s wake. If Eywa be willing, maybe he would be the rebirth of the man he had once been. Still, he was a sky demon who clung to his past. You were uncertain if Eywa would ever be able to touch him again, uncertain if the Great Mother possessed such powers.

“Mom?” Spider hums beside you and reluctantly, you blink, breaking the connection with the demon still holding you. 

“I’m alright,” You croak, your voice nothing but a whisper as you step away from the demon, putting some much-needed distance between you. “Are you full?”

“Yeah,” Spider grins, looking up at his father with a glint in his eyes, “I’m pretty stuffed,”

“Bro!” Lo’ak shouts from the other side, waving his hand excitedly as a few other kids join him. “You coming or what?” 

“Yeah, bro! Be right there,” Spider shouts back, an even bigger grin on his face as Kiri walks up beside him, her eyes trained on the demon. 

“We’ll be back tonight,” Spider hums, taking Kiri’s hand before taking a step toward the other kids, only to stop and turn back. “I love you, Mom,”

“I love you too, Spider,” You smile gently, feeling your heart bloom at your son’s love. “Be careful, alright?”

“Always,” He grins ad Kiri snorts behind him, pulling his hand to join her as she rolls her hands.

Still smiling, you take a step after them, watching as the children chuckle and poke fun at each other when they meet. Spider is so small compared to the other kids, but as the oldest child of Tonowari wraps a hand around his shoulder, he looks as if he’s found his place in this village. Behind you, the demon steps closer, his heat radiating between you. There’s a hand squeezing your shoulder gently and it’s only then that you realize that you’re clutching your chest with both hands. 

“He like her,” The demon hums gently, his voice nothing but a series of rumbles that flow deliciously over your body. “She like him too,”

“Oh, hell no, Quaritch,” Jake barks suddenly, and just like that, the pissing contest is on again. 

“What? You thinking my son is no good for you daughter?” The demon snarks calmly, his voice freezingly cold and dangerous as he stumbles through the Na’vi language. 

“Kiri is too young to have a boyfriend,” Jake counters, smoothly dancing past the question, but it doesn’t fool the demon. 

“Well, she’s not good enough for my son, how bout that, Corporal?” The demon growls, leaning forward to challenge Jake. 

“Kiri is better than your son, she’s out of his league,” Jake hisses back, only for Neytiri to grab his shoulder firmly. 

“What is this you’re saying?” You can hear your voice whisper, but the sound isn’t familiar to you. 

“Shit,” Jake huffs, hand coming up to angrily rub at his temple as he shuffles back and forth on his feet. 

“Apologize, ma Jake” Neytiri hisses none too gently, her voice furious as she scowled at him. 

“You can’t be serious, babe, he -” Jake starts, but Neytiri’s hold on his shoulder tightens painfully, making him hiss and narrow his own eyes. 

“I do not care,” Her eyes speak to him without words. They’re sharp and dangerous enough for Jake to lower his ears submissively and nod his head in understanding. 

“I apologize,” Jake grounds, unable to meet the demon’s eyes, his tail thrashing angrily behind him. 

It’s clear to everyone that he doesn’t mean what he’s saying. But it doesn’t matter, because a second later, the demon chuckles breathlessly as he prepares to shoot back. He doesn’t manage to get more than his mouth to open before you smack him in the chest with the back of your hand, turning your head to scowl at him. Immediately, the gleeful sneer slips from his face and his comeback dies on his tongue. Lowering his ears, he grumbles, fighting your command for him to shut up, before he eventually takes a deep breath and sighs, nodding his head once while staring at Jake. Meeting Neytiri’s eyes, you watch as her ears rotate hopefully toward you, but you’re not ready yet. Instead, you wrap your hand around the demon’s wrist and pull him with you as you leave the communal meal, heading for your kelku. 

The demon doesn’t say anything when you let go of his hand, stomping your feet over to the fruit bowls left on the floor. Grabbing them, you angrily get to washing the wood, using way too much force while you do. Behind you, the demon steps closer without saying anything, but his presence still burns your back, the heat from his body higher than yours. You don’t know how long you keep washing the bowl, but when his hand gently meets the skin of your shoulder, you see that you’re still cleaning the same bowl you started on. Embarrassed, you snap your head back toward him and growl. 

“What?!” It comes out so much harsher than you had wanted it to and immediately, you regret it. 

But when you look up at him with your ears pinned back against your skull, his eyes have grown soft, his own ears rotating open and curious toward you. He gives you a gentle smile and although you are still angry, although you are still mad at him, the patience you usually hold for him is reflected in his eyes this time. Sighing deeply, you shake your head as you fight frustrated tears from falling. Hiding your face in your hands, you lose the battle quickly when a teardrop falls from your eye. It’s quickly followed by more and then you’re crying in front of the demon, your emotions all over the place.

His hand on your shoulder slowly pulls you forward, towards him, until your forehead rests upon his chest. The skin beneath the back of your hands is soft, yet firm, the heat radiating from his flesh calming in a way you had only felt a few times before. Strong arms wrap around you, gently pressing you to his body as you cry. The demon shushes you, the rumble of his voice vibrating where your forehead rests on his chest. Pulling your hands away, you let your forehead rest directly on his chest, your nose nestled between his curved pectorals. The scent from his skin is comforting, heavy, and round, like his embrace on your body. You don’t know how long you stay like that, all you know is that the demon is here for you, comforting and safe where he holds you. 

“You are alright, mama,” He hums, his words slow as he pronounces each word. “You are alright,”

Slowly, you lift your head from his chest, your eyelashes sticking together from your tears. Tsking at you, the demon’s hands cup each side of your face before his thumbs gently wipe the excess tears from your lashes. Looking up at him, the sharpness in his eyes is back, but behind it, there’s something new, something you’ve only seen once - when you were… 

“You must start your lessons,” You mumble, breaking away from the demon’s hold on you. 

Your frustration over Spider’s treatment could wait. It was not something you could do anything about right now, not something you could do anything about period. You had to live with the hope that one day, the Na’vi would accept him for who he was, just like you had. You had always known that the people viewed him as different, but it wasn’t before the demon revealed what Neytiri had done that you truly understood just how much he was viewed differently. You would use the new knowledge to your advantage now, protecting your son against your people. 

“Okay, teach me,” The demon speaks, opening his arms in a new gesture you do not understand. 

“What does this mean?” You parrot his gesture, eyes curiously searching his.

“It mean I am open,” He replies, before furrowing his brows with uncertainty, “I thinking,”

Nodding to yourself, you start his lessons, revisiting what you had already taught the unit. The words come to his faster this time around, the demon putting in more of an effort to learn how to pronounce each word, asking questions, and learning how to bend his words. Before you know it, a genuine smile has cracked through your armor. It takes the demon by surprise, stopping him in his track. Offering a grin of his own, you shake your head at him. 

“I will take you to Jake,” You offer, still smiling up at him. 

“I will like that,” The demon hums, uncurling his long legs before rising, offering his hand to help you up again.

Staring up at him, you notice the hope in his eyes, the way his ears have rotated toward you, open and wide as he waits. You make a mental note that you like this side of him. The openness in his heart making him appear more approachable instead of the closed-off angry person he was before. Taking his hand, you steel your heart as he gently hoists you up to your feet. The way he’s staring at you makes your heart beat faster in your chest. Reaching up, you dare to let your fingers trace the open shell of his ear, watching as it snaps back against his skull, pointed and tense once more. You’re about to retreat your hand and apologize when his ear twitches and then, ever so slowly, it rises and unfolds before your very eyes. Lowering your eyes to meet his, you’re surprised to see the vulnerability in the sharp orbs. When you don’t move, however, the demon gently tilts his head until his ear touches your hand. It twitches before your fingers until you gently let your fingers trace his ear again. 

“I like this look on you,” You whisper, the intimacy of the moment not lost on you. 

“Like what?” The demon hums, the rumble in his chest dangerously low as his eyes slowly flicker close. 

“Relaxed,” You hum back as your fingers round the wide tip of his ear, “Not tense or angry,”

“Hmm…” He hums back while leaning his head more firmly against your hand, “How do you know?”

“Your ears give your emotions away,” You whisper as the demon’s other hand wraps around your waist. “They’re always pointed and bent back, but now, they’re round and open - trusting,”

Letting your eyes fall to his once more, you’re surprised to see the heat blacking out the yellow. Your lips part in a gentle gasp as he lets go of your hand, instead lifting it to brush a stray braid from your face, gently putting it behind your ear. His eyes lift to the ear and you watch as the emotions he’s feeling cross his face in rapid succession - curiosity, uncertainty, resolve - and then his fingers touch your own ear, his fingers gentle. The demon’s eyes slowly slide down to yours once more, bewilderment dancing behind them. He’s beautiful, you note as he lets your eyes trace his features, patiently waiting for your assessment. Meeting his eyes again, your thoughts must be reflected in your eyes as the demon suddenly huffs a breathless chuckle, his breath warm as it ghosts across your lips. Immediately, your eyes fall to his lips just in time to see the demon’s pink tongue poke out to wet his lips before another huffed breathy chuckle leaves his lips. Meeting his eyes once more, you’re surprised to see that the black has almost engulfed the entirety of his eyes, the yellow only a slim circle by now. The hand by your ear caresses its way down your cheek until the demon’s finger and thumb hold your chin, gently lifting your head as he searches your eyes for consent. He must obviously find it reflecting in your eyes as his own crinkle in the corners just before he bends down. 

“Quaritch, you ready for your - aww hell,” Jake hisses as he walks through the entrance of your kelku only to quickly turn his back on you again, “I don’t get paid enough to deal with this shit,”

The interruption snaps you out of the trance you were just in. Pushing away from the demon, you hiss as heat fills your face. You’re unable to meet his eyes, not after this. Taking deep breaths you close your eyes as you try to calm yourself. You had allowed this, had leaned into him, caressed his ear, and allowed his touch. Feeling tears prickle at your eyes, you quickly wipe them away as you let out an unsteady, wet breath before turning, steeling yourself. 

“Corporal,” The demon growls, his tail whipping furiously behind him, his ears snapped back against his skull once more. 

“Greet him kindly,” You hiss at the demon, refusing to meet his eyes when he huffs a humorless chuckle at you. 

“I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Jake starts, but you immediately interrupt him. 

“You didn’t interrupt anything,” The hummed growl beside you sends a shiver down your spine, but you still refuse to look at the demon. 

“Is that right, sweetheart?” The demon rumbles in perfectly fluent Na’vi, his voice so cold and angry it almost pulls a gasp from your lips. 

“I did not stutter, demon,” You hiss back, still staring at Jake. 

“Guess you didn’t, darling,” The demon huffs before stepping forward, “We got a place to be, Corporal,”

And then he walks out of your kelku without looking back at you. His shoulders are squared, his head held high - proud - but his ears and tail betray him though. Your heart squeezes painfully in your chest as you watch him leave, your tail whipping with distress as your ears pinned back against your skull. Your breathing isn’t coming as easily as it should and suddenly, you’re transported back in time while clutching onto your son’s body as sharp eyes guide you through until you can breathe freely again. 

“You alright, Y/n?” Jake asks, his voice concerned and confused as he voices the question. 

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” You turn to him, hoping that the tears blurring your eyes are only visible to you. 

“Okay,” He doesn’t sound convinced, but you don’t need him to be. You just need him to leave, so that you can breathe once more. “We’ll be done before the eclipse. Just meet us by the shore before the communal meal,”

Nodding, you breathe a sigh of relief as he turns to leave, walking quickly to catch up with the demon. You feel so humiliated where you’re standing, the shame crawling up your body until it’s all you can feel. How could you allow this to happen again? Had he not caused you pain unlike any you had ever felt before? Had he not stolen your child, hid him from you only to be used in a game of war? Still, your heart longed for him, called out to his soul in its desperate search for him to return. Sobbing, you wrap your arms around yourself as your knees hit the ground. Curling in on yourself, you let yourself cry as the realization that your feelings for him never stopped growing. You mourn for your future, mourn for your present, but more than that, you mourn for your past. If only you had been honest with yourself, maybe things would have been different… 

You don’t know how, but when your sobs die down, you’re surprised to find the demon’s songcord clutched tightly in your hand. You’re clinging to it as if it was a lifeline as if it would somehow erase all the hurt and pain. Opening your palm, you let your eyes wander over the beads, remembering how you carved each one of them with such care. Rolling each one between your fingers you let the words to his song fall from your lips in a choked whisper. By the end, you find that you can breathe freely once more. Staring at the beads, you let the sound of the waves calm you as time passes by. When the skies turn orange, you get up on your feet, taking a few deep breaths before tying the songcord to your tweng. You would have to face the demon sooner rather than later and when you did, you would have to apologize to him. 

Spider meets you halfway there, his smile and laughter as he waves his friends goodbye bringing warmth to your heart. Greeting him, you hug him close as he falls into step with you. His curious little hands inspect the new songcord attached to your tweng, his eyes looking up at you questioningly. Shaking your head, he knows he’ll get an answer soon enough, so he lets go of the songcord as he excitedly follows you. In the distance, you can see Jake and the demon on their tsurak, the creatures racing through the water as their maktos ride them. The grin that is plastered on the demon’s face makes you stop abruptly, the sight burning itself into your memory. 

“Mom?” Spider asks, his voice curious as he steps in front of you, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, my love,” You smile down at him, only for his eyes to shoot up with delighted surprise. 

“Is that Dad and Jake?” He laughs, running a few steps ahead to watch as they approach the beach. “When did he get a skimwing?”

“To-today,” You stumble, swallowing the feeling of hearing your son call the demon dad. 

“That is so cool!” and then he’s off, running towards the beach to greet the men walking up from the water. 

As you approach, you see the demon ruffle Spider’s hair as he grins, chatting excitedly up at his father as he fully emerges from the sea. Taking a moment to steel yourself, you put on a gentle smile that you don’t really feel, your nerves bouncing wildly in your chest. The moment the demon spots you, however, his posture changes. His back goes ramrod stiff as his shoulders square, his ears pin down against his skull and his tail twitches anxiously behind him. He’s an open book to read and what you’re reading is that he is uncomfortable. Maybe he’s embarrassed too? You have always pinned him as a private man, maybe getting caught in such close proximity displeased him. 

“You did alright, Quaritch,” Jake grins, slapping his shoulder. 

“Alright? I am greatest, Corporal,” The demon huffs, raising his eyebrow. 

“Not quite, but you’re getting there,” The chuckle that leaves Jake’s lips is almost fond, but that couldn’t be. 

“Yo, bro!” Loak and Neyeyam shout from the other side of the beach, bags slinging to their frames, “You coming or not?”

“So… The guys are staying out late tonight,” Spider starts and you already know where this is going, “Is it okay if I join them?”

“I have barely seen you today, Spider, you can join them another time,” You gently deny him, maybe more so for your own selfish sake, wanting to see him more. 

“Mom, please?” He continues, batting his long eyelashes up at you, the warm glow of the sun glittering in his beautiful brown eyes. 

“Go on, son,” The demon hums, ruffling Spider’s head again before pushing him off, “ Go having fun with friends,”

“You’re the best, Dad,” Spider chuckles, smiling so happily. 

He looks up at his father with such adoration it almost breaks your heart when he turns to you to check if this really was alright. At that moment, your heart stops, freezing at the situation you find yourself in. It’s an impossible choice. If you refuse his father’s words, you’ll be the bad guy, but if you let him go, you’ll be sending him away when all you wanted to do was to hold him close. His beautiful brown eyes blink hopefully up at you and before you know it, the choice has already been made. 

“Go on, Spider, be careful but have fun,” You can hear yourself say, feeling your lips stretch into a smile you don’t feel. 

You watch as Spider runs to catch up with the ever-growing group of kids and even if you know that this was the right choice, you want to reach out to him, to pull him back. Watching him go had always been difficult, but after the events of the past months, it had felt impossible. Turning to the demon, you watch as he smiles after his son, his hands firmly planted on his wet hips. 

“You had no right, demon,” You hiss, taking both him and Jake by surprise, but it doesn’t take long before the fire enters his sharp eyes once more. 

“I’m his father, woman,” He growls, the sound dangerously low as he steps forward to grab your upper arm, hard. 

“You are nothing but a… but an aid in his creation,” You sneer back as you pull your arm free of his grip

"Well… Theoretically,” The demon hisses right back at you, not missing a beat, “You're not even his mother," 

The demon hisses the last part childishly, and even though it's a stupid fight, to begin with, it hurts so deep within you that the gasp that leaves your body is almost inaudible. But it's loud enough. Immediately, the demon’s ears snaps back tightly against his skull, his tail coiling even tighter around his wet leg. His lips part and close on and off, but nothing comes out. It's like watching him drown and although you know, deep within you, that he didn't mean it, the same way you hadn't meant what you said, you can see the raw hurt within his eyes. So you do the only thing you know how to do; You flee, licking your wounds, leaving him where he stands - alone. 

You never hear his whispered plea of "Please, don't leave,". But Jake does, and he's furious. It doesn’t take long before the full force of Toruk Makto comes crashing into your kelku, his fury all but dripping off of him as he walks toward you, barely able to retain his anger. 

“What was-” He starts but stops, taking a deep breath to try and calm himself before continuing. “What was that, Y/n?”

“W-what?” You stutter, taking a step back from him. 

“That!” He shouts before stopping again, “That -on the beach with Quaritch?”

“Nothing,“ You mumble, trying your best to seem as non-confrontational as possible. 

“I never thought I’d be on Quaritch’s side, but here I am,” Jake chuckles humorlessly to himself as he shakes his head, before looking up at you again. "I know what it's like to be on the other side, Y/n. To have everyone's eyes on you, gossiping and sneering behind your back, thinking you'd be better off dead just because you're a demon from the skies - an alien.”

“To share a child like this, that's a gift, Y/n, not a rocking stone you use to hurt each other with.” Jake’s tone is deadly serious, the leader in him - the father - emerging as he speaks to you his eyes narrowed dangerously, ”Quaritch is Spider’s father whether you like it or not, and you are Spider's mother, whether he likes it or not. Fighting is alright, but you never leave each other angry like this. You never know when it'll be the last time you get to see each other," 

You’re helpless but to stand there and gape at him, your eyes quickly filling with tears as you know he’s right. Even though you knew that this situation was difficult for Quaritch, you hadn’t bothered to think about him more than the initial anger and betrayal you yourself felt. Quaritch had lost everything, everyone he stood near, and now, because you saved him from a fourth certain death, he was here in a Metkayina village he probably never wanted to be in, to begin with. Oh, you have been so selfish… 

“Don’t play with his emotions like this,” Jake finishes, his ears drooping sadly against his skull, “God knows he doesn’t deserve it, but if you don’t want him as your mate, you need to let him know now so that he can move on and find happiness with someone else,”  

And with that, Jake shakes his head and leaves your kelku. It’s not a magical cure to put yourself in Quaritch’s place, but it certainly gives you a new perspective. Biting your thumb, you pace back and forth before finally making up your mind. Quickly, you walk out of your kelku, speeding for the beach in hope that Quaritch is still there. You’re not surprised when you find the beach empty, with the exception of some fishermen arriving late. Looking around the beach you wonder what direction he could have headed when spotting his tall figure emerging from the communal meal. Running you notice the exact moment he sees you as he stops abruptly. 

“I didn’t mean what I said,” You plead as you come to a stop before him, breath coming a little heavier than it probably should have. “I-I’m so sorry,”

“No, princess,” Quaritch hums, a soft smile on his lips as he shifts the steaming food wraps to one hand before reaching out to hold your shoulder. “I apologize,”

There’s an awkward silence stretching between you, neither one knowing what to say to the other. In the distance, you can see Jake talking with Tonowari, the two of them nodding in agreement as they look at you from within the communal circle. There’s no doubt that they’ve come to some sort of agreement, but as you tear your eyes away from them to look up at Quaritch, you couldn’t care less what they had agreed to as the sharp yellow orbs stare into yours with something painfully looking like hope. 

“Come, let go home,” Quaritch offers gently, waiting for your feet to move before following you. 

You miss the heat of his hand on your shoulder, but as you walk in silence, passing villagers that stare at you weirdly, you take a deep breath to collect yourself. You need to clear the air between you if you are to share Spider - if Quaritch is to grow. He will need somewhere safe to retreat to, somewhere where he won’t be judged for who he is. 

“Are you hunger?” Quaritch asks once you’ve both stepped into your kelku, his voice gentle as he reaches out a hand with two food wraps in it. 

“Are you hungry?” You correct him as you wrap your smaller hands around his outstretched one, bending his fingers over the food wraps. 

“Are you hungry?” He parrots perfectly, his eyebrows creating a soft arch on his face. 

“Did you get these for me?” You find yourself asking, looking into his eyes as you try to read all the emotions dancing in the sharp depths. 

“What I say, I was anger. I did not mean it,” He offers softly, his ears drooping back to the side as his tail twitches anxiously. 

“I didn’t mean what I said. It was cruel,” You whisper back, your eyes brimming with fresh tears again. You were tired of this emotional turmoil, you wanted some semblance of stability back into your life - like before. 

“I am embarras when Sully walk in on us. I do not understand this - this things,” He tries gently, but the honesty and trust he offers you with the admission are enough for the first of many tears to fall. 

“No, no, sweetness. Please,” Quaritch breaks, letting the food wraps drop from his hands when he reaches for your face, cupping it as he thumbs the tears away. 

“I don’t know how to say everything I need to say in Na’vi yet, but just know that I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t mean any of it, okay?” He continues, the desperation in his voice so obvious now, “You are Spider’s mother and there is absolutely no doubt about that, sweetness,”

“You are Spider’s father,” You chuckle through your tears, noticing how the admission makes Quaritch freeze before he huffs and shakes his head. 

“Fucking hell, woman,” And then you’re wrapped in a hug so tight it should have been uncomfortable, but is anything but. 

In the comfort of his arms, you eventually find yourself sitting in his lap as you’ve lowered to the ground. The food wrap has long since grown cold when he reaches for one, but it doesn’t stop him from trying to feed you. You, of course, greedily accept, wrapping your lips around his fingers as he feeds you. The food is fatty and delicious when it hits your tongue, making you hum with pleasure as you close your lips. He feeds you like this until you’re full, only taking a few tastes for himself. He makes quick work of the rest, all but swallowing the food in his haste to finish up. 

When darkness finally settles over Pandora, you find yourself nestled by his side after having invited him into your nest once more. You lay there in silence, just listening to each other breathe as you fiddle with the beads of his songcord. Reaching over to grab his arm, you gently unfold his tight fist before tracing the skin of his palm, smiling gently up at him as he hums contently. His sharp eyes are following your every move, but still, Quaritch looks comfortable, soft even. Placing the bead in his palm, you gently close his long fingers over it. 

“What is it?” Quaritch hums softly, quickly breaking eye contact to look at the songcord. Immediately, you see recognition in his eyes. 

“All Na’vi have songcords,” You whisper, starting gently. “IT is gifted to you by your parents when you are born and they build upon it until you are old enough to add your own,”

“Do Spider have one?” Quaritch asks and something inside your chest blooms with warmth. 

“Yes, when he came into my life, I immediately gifted it to him, even though he was not yet mine,” You smile at the fond memory. 

“Do you have it?” He continues, digging deeper. 

“I do,” You say as you reach down to remove your songcord, slowly presenting it to him. 

“It is long,” He comments before looking down at his own. 

“When you -” You start, but stop again as you place your songcord in his hand before intertwining your fingers with his, “When I thought you had died, I made this for you in hopes that Eywa would greet you, that she would finally give you peace,”

“This blue one belong to you,” Quaritch comments, rolling the blue bead between his thumb and pointer finger on top of your hand. 

Surprised, you gasp softly, drawing his eyes up to yours for a moment before he looks down at the bead again. He doesn’t need you to confirm it to be the truth. You had never thought that he would recognize a single bead on you, yet, here he was, proving you wrong once again. Squeezing his hand harder, he lifts his eyes to look at you again. 

“I will recognize you blind,” He whispers, his voice rough despite the gentleness of the words spoken. 

“Is this why you cut hair?” Quaritch asks, surprising you once more. 

His sharp eyes look straight through you, so you only nod as his other hand slowly raises to the back of your head where you cut it. His deft fingers graze past each cut, dangerously close to your kuru. Closing your eyes, you let out a shaky breath as he finishes. Opening them you find a conflicted look in his eyes as he no doubt connects the dots. Suddenly you’re pulled tightly to his chest, his arm wrapping around you to hold you close. Still, your hands are intertwined between you, your songcords as intertwined as you are. Like this, every worry bouncing around in your head disappears. In his arms, you can breathe freely once more, can feel your heart slowing for the first time in what feels like forever. 

You have no idea when you fall asleep in his arms, have no idea when Spider gets home or when he burrows in behind you, wrapping your blankets around all of you. All you know is that when you wake up, you’re plastered to Quaritch’s side, his slow and steady heartbeat beating beneath your ear as your son stares at you from where he’s eating breakfast. 

“Really?” Spider chuckles, a shit-eating grin on his face. 

“Hey, be nice to your mother,” Quaritch rumbles, the vibration from his rough voice sending shivers down your spine as you realize that he’s awake. 

Spider just throws his hands up in that sky people gesture and grins. Slowly, you unwrap yourself from Quaritch’s body, immediately missing his heat. Opening his hand, he stares down at your songcords before meeting your eyes again. Spider joins you moments later, chatting eagerly about how cool it was that Quaritch had his own songcord before presenting his own. They were almost the same length.

“Your mama make it for me,” Quaritch hums as he lets Spider hold it to inspect the beads. 

“What are your milestones?” Spider asks and immediately, Quaritch looks up at you. 

“Each bead is a memory, a milestone to celebrate. They remind you of what you have achieved, of who your family is and who holds you dear,” You offer him, smiling gently. 

“Can I hear it?” Spider asks, looking up at his father. 

“Hey, I want to hearing too,” Quaritch smirks down at him before staring at you when Spider does. 

“Alright,” You smile at the double set of equally pitiful eyes, “But the songcord is private, for you and your loved ones ears only. I guess you need to learn what I have added to decide if you want them though,”

And that is how you find yourself singing Quaritch’s songcord for them, both sets of eyes staring intently at you while you sing. Quaritch’s ears droop as he listens to your words, concentrating on the memories he himself has of the events you sing about. When you finish, you close your eyes, afraid to look at Quaritch. You’re not surprised, however, when fingers gently lift your chin up and when you open your eyes, Quaritch’s deep depths greet yours. 

“You singing a song like this for Spider in Bridehead,” He whispers, gently cupping your face and you nod slowly, rubbing your face into his palm. 

“You give him a beautiful life,” He hums, complimenting you on what a good mother he thought you had been to Spider. 

“Thank you,” You whisper back, momentarily forgetting about the teenager sitting there with you until he groans.

“Get a room,” Spider rolls his eyes as he takes his songcord ang gets up to his feet, preparing to leave. 

Just then, there’s a knock on the outside of your kelku, and short moments later, Jake steps inside, quickly followed by Tonowari. Exchanging greetings after getting to your feet, you notice the smirk on Jake’s face as he looks at the nest behind you, no doubt noticing how Quaritch’s makeshift nest was still rolled up in the corner, unused. 

“I have come to offer you your own kelku,” Tonowari addresses Quaritch slowly, making sure that he understands every word before continuing, “You are becoming Na’vi, learning the way of the people. As an unmated male, you must have your own kelku unless you wish to stay here,”

You understand the words he’s saying and by the way Quaritch looked at you, ears bending flat against his head, his tail wrapping around his leg as he waited, you knew that he had understood everything too. 

“It is your choice,” You offer diplomatically, holding your breath as your own ears bent down against your skull. 

“I wants to stay,” Quaritch hums gently, unlike his usually brash self. 

“You are sure?” Tonowari asks again, just to make sure. 

“Yeah,” He offers back before looking to the side at Spider and you, “Please, Olo’eyktan,”

“Then I will let another male have the kelku,” Tonowari hums, not looking surprised at all, and neither did Jake. 

That night, all of you ate in the comfort of your kelku, having fun together as a family for what seemed like the first time. And as the days progressed to weeks, life seemed to get back to normal once more. Quaritch was out to work whenever he had a free moment, but he pulled his weight, even joined Jake and Tonowari to some neighboring villages to help get materials to rebuild what was destroyed by fire. When he had arrived back home, he had been exhausted, Jake letting you know to let him rest the following day. Quaritch’s Na’vi was getting really good too, he didn’t stumble as much, didn’t mispronounce or over-pronounce the words like he used to. 

Quaritch was fully embracing the Na’vi way in a way he hadn’t been able to before. Still, you hesitated to let him get close enough to hurt you, his betrayal fresh in your heart. Although you wish for nothing more than to accept him fully, you’re not ready to forgive just yet. By the look of Quaritch, he doesn’t mind as he’s learning to know his son on a deeper level, resting a bond you knew Spider had always longed for. In the evenings, you would all sleep in your nest, wrapped up in each other as Quaritch’s makeshift nest lay all but forgotten in the corner of your kelku. It’s early morning when your sleep is disturbed by boyish laughter from outside. Quaritch groans deep in his chest, the sound vibrating where your head is resting on his chest, and sure enough, moments later, Jake and Tonowari step inside your kelku, the two of them wearing matching grins as they zero in on Quaritch.

“It’s time, Quaritch…”

Chapter 18 | Masterpost | Chapter 20

[mrs-monaghan]

Tae is traveling to US tomorrow (confirmed) and JK will be in the US on 28th so yeah again jokers being proven wrong. Taekook will be together like the happy couple they are and spending their time together bfo MS. Jimin will be back in Korea after filming a company contact. At the end of the day you guys will always get peanuts as we enjoy the whole buffet. Stay strong

At the end of the day you guys will always get peanuts as we enjoy the whole buffet. Stay strong

Boo, it's the other way around!

We get fed... while you starve. Time and time and time and time and time and time again. Rinse and repeat over and over and over and over. Simply because JK would rather spend time with his boyfriend; Jimin. Would rather react to his boyfriend Jimin's content. Would rather mention his boyfriend Jimin during his lives 10 times. Would rather go to Tokyo twice with his boyfriend Jimin. When it comes to JK its always going to be Jimin. So no, anon, we get the buffet, you get the peanuts. It's how its always been and how its always going to be. Look at your leader on twitter losing it because of the barely there tkk content from PTD

The moment u sent this ask I knew I had to save it because y'all, just, can't, help, yourselves. No matter how many times you get proven wrong. You always jump the gun. You always put the cart infront of the horse and it always comes to bite you in the ass. I am here to laugh at you because I for one didn't ask you to bring this nonsense to my blog.

Y'all said that tkk were on a date by themselves in the US. Wouldn't listen when people tried to tell you that wasn't true. And then what happens? We get a video showing ALL 7 MEMBERS WERE PRESENT!!!

You anon, came here, to me, (big mistake. I'm petty as hell) and said V was going to the US and there he will meet JK and they will be together. Only for it to come out that V was coming here... to England.

So idk who confirmed for you he was going to the US. You need to go get your money back ASAP. 😅😅

But miraculously you're still not as bad as this person who thought V would Join Jikook in Japan and Taekook would be kind enough to invite Jimin to their house 🤡🤡 for dinner. The house that they, tkk, own together... in Japan

You, stupid, brainless anon even had the dates wrong because today is the 28th and Jikook are on their way back to Seoul

Would it kill you to be patient?? Who tf even gloats when you don't even have the full picture??? When you don't have enough evidence?? Do you feel as pathetic as you sounded when u sent this ask? Because anon, you should. U really should. This is pathetic. You are dumb... oh so so dumb. But thats like a requirement to be a tkkr innit? To be an imbecile??

How are you real actual people????? No wonder you still think that wasn't V in Paris. BECAUSE YOU DONT EVEN KNOW THE 2 PEOPLE YOU SHIP!!! If you don't even know how they look like, how can you know them for who they really are?? This is why you're always gonna be wrong!!

Anon, next time you wanna gloat, please, please wait until your theories pan out, save yourself some embarrassment. Now leave and never come back... I'm done with your pathetic ass. Shoo!

[ell0ra-br3kk3r-writes]

Movies

pairing: james potter x fem!reader

genre: angsttt

el's thoughts: okayyy it's here! thank you to @masivechaos for pretty much most of the ideas for this superache... event? idk what this is but it's somethin'

“What do you mean she has been calling you?”

James didn’t answer, he couldn’t look Y/N in the eyes. 

“That’s why you constantly get out of bed to answer the phone, isn’t it?” Y/N sunk into the armchair across from her boyfriend.

No matter how hard her mind tried to fight the thoughts in her mind she couldn’t. She couldn’t ignore the obvious signs of him slipping away from her. Going the whole week without talking. James excused himself to take random phone calls. The fake smiles and lies he told their friends. She was naive to think he was just going through a phase. Of course, he still loved Lily, they were the it couple in Hogwarts. No matter how hard she tried to ignore it, Y/N was always in Lily’s shadow. 

“You promised me she meant nothing to you anymore… Was everything you said to me a lie?”

“Y/N no- I meant what I said back then.”

“Back then… Do you mean it now?”

Her breathing became ragged as she overanalyzed all the times he held her. 

All the times he swung her around and kissed her softly. All the times he whispered sweet nothings in her ear from behind. Maybe it was all in her head. Maybe he was playing her from the very beginning but she wanted him so badly… His love blinded her. It was the type of love they watched in the movies, that should’ve been the first sign. No love should ever be that perfect to be real. Movies are fictional and exaggerated for attention, it’s not meant to be real. 

“Y/N. You did nothing wrong… It was all me.”

She threw him a sharp glare, “I know it was you! I knew it was you. I shouldn’t have turned a blind eye, I didn’t deserve that. I don’t deserve this…” She sighed loudly, emptying her lungs the best she could. “Maybe… Maybe it was love at first, but I can’t pretend that will ever come back. I’m not an idiot, James. We’re not in a movie, this isn’t the part where you try to explain yourself with some dumb excuse and I just fall in love all over again. This isn’t even the part where we agree to still be friends, do you know how hard that’ll be for me?”

James ran his hands through his hair in distress, “Do you know how hard it will be for me to lose you? Y/N, you’re everything to me!”

“Well you sure had a way of showing it, didn’t you?”

He watched her with tears and regret in his eyes. He knew what he did and he knew he shouldn’t have but he did it anyway. Even if he tried to explain himself… Any excuse he could think of was just pathetic. 

~

She took a deep breath in through her nose as she unpacked the last box. “New place, fresh start.” Y/N knew they wouldn’t be able to save their movie type love. Not that she wanted to after all. She moved on rather quickly and part of her was upset over the fact. Just another sign that she didn’t feel as strongly for him as she thought she did. But no matter how angry she was with Jame Potter, she had to thank him for giving her a small moment of love that could only be found in movies.

Laughter echoed through the kitchen as James hummed, his arms around the giggling girl, swaying them back and forth. He spun her around every so offten and smiled when another peel of laughter fell from her lips. He slowed their swaying and placed his lips against her hairline. Her arms wrapped around his waist as he pulled her closer by her shoulders. “I love you.” His lips moved against her skin, lies being spoken directly to her head but she thought nothing of it. She only smiled softly and murmured back, “I love you.”

~*~

event taglist: @masivechaos @the-marauders-world @romanticvampire @innerloverpainter

[beesmygod]

As someone who watched like two somerton vids and didn't outright hate them, I've been mulling over what exactly got him this many fans, how did he even fool me. I feel like it might be Because He's So Monotone And Boring.

His presentation is so bland and dry, it Feels like you're trapped in an hour long university course. But he's talking about history, queer history at that. No matter how dubious and sometimes just offensive the "analysis" could be, I could see someone getting disgusted at anyone being critical of his work, just because of the subject matter. He's used his own identity aganist any criticism before, so he must be aware. Why should he properly light his camera when he's talking such impooortant issues? His delivery is so bad, but it gives this like, clinical feeling, like he's reading from a textbook (other people's actual work). He's not doing anything flashy or with any flair or effort, so he muuust just be really focused on the facts right? If he can't even get a good haircut, than all his energy must be in "research", clearly. It's like his whole channel is solely made for impressionable young queer people who Want to look educated, they want to Look like they care, but in reality, wouldn't even look at the sources if he ever posted them.

idk, maybe this ask was all nonsense, virtue signaling might be real and works and our peers were deeply uncurious all along.

"virtue signaling" is a stupid phrase that was trotted out for like, the most teensy tiny means for people to try to identify one another through a text medium but there has to be a word for when someone appeals to minority. like "they are sending me DEATH THREATS!!!!! because i am GAY!!!!!!!!!" is such an obvious lie that people immediately, apparently threw themselves onto grenades for out of some kind of deeply pathetic idea of solidarity that revolves around never questioning the intentions of people "on your side".

i think people just fucking suck for this one. like i cannot imagine a situation, even without knowing that he plagiarized, where i would have paid him money to continue making these vids. there is no excuse for paying him that holds up to any scrutiny considering his writing sounds like 5 people writing for him to totally fumble the delivery on. because it is that lol

[satanwritesfanfiction]

Porter Gage x f!reader •°• Under management △SMUT△

Title: Under management

Rating: explicit, smut

Category: f/m

Fandom: Fallout 4

Relationship: reader x Gage, ss x gage, female overboss x Gage

Characters: Gage, reader

Tags/ triggers: Mild dubious consent if you squint, p in v, pwp, smut, vaginal fingering, no aftercare, OOC

Wordcount: 1470

a/n: idk how I feel about this one yet, but it's finished and that's something to be happy about.

When he had offered to be the man behind the overboss you didn't think he meant it quite as literally. He had been quite to the point in that initial conversation, most of it purged from your memory under the exhaustion and blood loss, but you remembered the ease in which he shot down your objections and took the back-seat, come to think of it, he did like the proverbial back-seat in most of your interactions...

Many a times he found himself behind you, hand anchored to the back of your neck as he took the time to tell you how good you take him whilst filling your cunt up to your skull, pressed against the old mattress as you cried out. It had barely been a few days when he first found himself pressed to the hilt, a quick motion that ended with you bent over the countertop, stools rolling on the floor from the jagged movement.

You could feel it as you walked through the parks, his eyes on you as he trailed behind. A quiet patience, control that seemed to snap once his eyes were the only ones on you, when he could maneuver you as he liked, where he dragged beyond the title of overboss even when still referring to you as it.

You should not like that fact, you rolled the thought over in your mind, cloudy intention in the sanctity of Fizztop Grille. Barely even a word exchanged until he once again maneuvered your body effortlessly onto the bed, pants already dragged to the floor and fingers pressed to your clothed core, biting into your lower lip as you looked up at his hulking form.

"Like that?" He asked, but didn't wait for a response, merely dragged your underwear to the side and pressed a finger into your tight heat.

You sucked in a breath at the feel of it, body tingling under the promise of the sweet release, yearning for the press of him once again. Your hands pressed to his shoulders in a keening display as your body opened up to him, a softness beneath the jagged movement as he took the time to pull at the threads of your body.

You mulled the emotion in your head as your head tipped back and sucked in another breath, repeated the mantra that it was just pleasure, it was just the raider way, thoughts that crumbled under the weight of his lips pressed to the side of your face, of the words layered upon your skin.

You were easy, you wagered. Something easy to manipulate and fashion into what he wanted, to artificially move into a position to take control of. The notion only made real in your mind by how you responded when his free hand moved up your body, slipping under your shirt and wrapping around your breast. You pushed into him as he played with the weight of it, whispering his name under the threat of your release building in your lower abdomen.

He was gracious enough to press his thumb to your clit as your hips jerked pathetically against his fingers. Your hands clenched against his shirt, biting into your lower lip hard enough to draw blood when you chanced a glance up at the man. His eye was focussed on where his fingers disappeared into your cunt.

"G-Gage.." You whimpered, that lead his gaze to your face. "I'm so... Close."

The smirk on his face was unmistaken as he shifted his weight a little to better regard you.

"Show me." He stated simply, doing more purposeful movements with his hand. " I want you to come on my fingers... boss."

By now he must've realized what the term does to you, had to have felt the way your cunt flutters against him when he uses it. He didn't say anything on the matter, but he purposefully used it in your most heightened state, pushed you into clenching around him.

You came with his name on your tongue, nails digging into your palm as you clenched them against his chest, chest pressing into his chest as the sensations ran through your body, for a moment consumed.

You bit into your lip when he removed his fingers from your cunt, small sound falling from your lips. He sat back, fingers pressing into your skin as he dragged your underwear down your legs. He watched on, attentive in the way his eye lingered on your body and settled between your legs. His fingers pressed into the soft flesh, keeping your thighs spread for him in his assessment. He glanced up at your face as his hand covered your sex, and he then slid a single digit through your slick folds.

"You are quite something..." His voice carried across the room, fingers wrapping over your hip. "Spread out like this, all for me." He didn't plan on wasting much more time, as he pulled his cock free with a few jagged motions to his pants and slapped it against your cunt, a chuckle reverberating at your sound of surprise. "Such a pretty little thing."

He shifted a little to get a better angle, lining up to your entrance and swiftly pressed onward, not enough to be able to thrust to the hilt at first, but he quickly worked his way inside, quick sharp motions that sucked the air from your lungs.

He quickly found a rhythm, much less pressed on you than where you connected, fingers digging into the flesh of your hips as he used the leverage to pull your body towards his as he thrusted, watching as his cock reappeared and then disappeared again inside your warm cunt.

"That's it..." He grunted through the motions. "So fucking tight... So good for me, boss."

You bit into your fist, eyes closed under the assault, sensation pricking at your skin as you were submerged under the feeling of his cock filling you up again and again, feeling your body rock against the mattress as he used your body for his own pleasure.

Lost in the pleasure, you didn't quite notice the shift until he pulled harshly at your wrist, dislodging the appendage from your lips and pressing it beside your head, fingers locking to keep it in place as he hovered over you.

"Let me hear it." He stated as he looked down at you, dragging your thigh over his hip as he took you. "Don't you dare fucking hide it from me."

You whimpered at the request, soft babbling under the sensation that turned louder until you called his name in a plea that you weren't sure exactly what you were asking for.

His hand left your wrist, sliding between your bodies and pressing flat against your clit, pressing a kiss against your exposed neck when your head moved to the side.

"I want you to come with me inside you." He spoke against your skin, the finger on your clit rapidly moving at the tail-end of the sentence. "I know you can do that for me."

You could feel your thighs quiver at the sensations that wrecked your body, your own fingers pressing into the skin of his back. You closed your eyes, with all the turmoil and confusion he caused, you rarely found the courage to not give into whatever he asked. You relented to the pressure in your lower abdomen, crying out his name as you gave in.

Your walls clenched around him, his hand digging into your hip in his effort to keep fucking into your tight cunt as you fell. You watched your expression shift, body shake, and he swore he could thank whatever god was out there to have you land in his lap so beautifully, so obediently.

"That's a good girl." He breathed, hips sloppily thrusting forward until he stilled, pressed deep into your cunt as he came, ropes of warm seed painting your insides as he grunted against your neck.

He was never one for intimacy or showing affection, but he couldn't help the way his eyes washed over your flushed face, but neither would you see it and ultimately, he pulled out without a word and flopped down beside your half dressed body, placing himself back in his pants before zipping up, like nothing had even happened. The only evidence the sweat on his skin and the liquid spilling from between your legs.

He was courteous in his own way you suppose, when he handed you a glass of water and the fact that he didn't kick you out of the bed, or leave himself until some time had passed after the deed, but perhaps it would've been better if he had, then you wouldn't have any hope to cling to that this could be more than what it evidently was to him.

You can support me on Ko-fi.

Masterlist

[period-of-nocturne]

Have I mentioned Mizurui yet. No ? What do you mean no. Time to mention Mizurui then.

So, to me it's not a ship but they're relationship is so special to me that I still use the ship name. There's no words to explain how they make me feel. Their rooftop era is everything to me. Their current era too but--

What if you were at school, and people hated you just because you exist. So you're alone, and bored and you'd rather be anywhere but in class right now. You go to the rooftop because no one will look for you here.

And you when you leave you got a friend. The first friend you had since... Since several millennia probably. You don't know who's the last person you could call a friend. A real friend.

So yeah it's been forever since you met someone who just understand you. Of course you're happy about it. You think. You feel weird it's been so long that you don't recognize that feeling.

And since you're a dumb teenager with very few positive experiences in matter of relationship and a pathetic ability to understand emotions you start to overthink. What is this feeling. No really what is this feeling??

It wasn't immediate and must have built over time but I believe there was some ambiguity between them at some point. Two teenagers alone in a rooftop still learning about themselves and relationships and how they feel have that obligatory phase when they misinterpret their own feelings as something else. Or maybe one really has a slight crush, who knows. In any case it must have been quite something.

If it was Rui maybe he didn't even realised how he felt back then. If it was Mizuki she must have panicked so bad. If both then... The comedic potential of that situation is endless.

Also they lost likely kiss once on that rooftop and never broight it back again. Until today they never discussed it they both have a silent agreement to bury that memory in the depths of their mind and treat it like confidential information that can be leaked or it'll cause the end of the world.

My perception of them aside I just love how. How they exist in canon they drive me insane since I know they know eachother. Yeah because I didn't knew at first and the first time I saw them interact was an area conversation so I stayed confused for a good minute before I understood and then it was over.

I love how they don't really talk often anymore but you can feel in every of their conversation or mention of eachother how strong their relationship still is. Idk, they just give me that sense of comfort. They care for eachother and they'll support the other the best they can (I'm thinking of Rui during picnic event or in his side sorry, or Mizuki during sports festival, or Mizuki Hermit side story, or-) and it's so wholesome I gonna explode. (So in the end Rui made something explode. I guess.)

I relate to both of them a lot (middle school sucks guys) so I can't shut up about those two. I also guess their relationship is something I wish I had back then. Where is my Rui. Manifest yourself.

Yeah in short Mizurui

[sebastiansluts]

Hi Rose, thank you for asking <3 yeah I'd like daddy kink. Actually I specified daddy issues bc she's going for a grown man -instead of the younger ones- for the first time in her life without any experience in dating etc. And that's why she's anxious/insecure, bc she doesn't know what to expect, if she's doing the right thing, if she can really trust him, you know? But there's something in the way he treats her, listens to her, I mean she does know he has experience and it's easier for him, but she feels "seen" for the first time and can't ignore that. Just wanted to add one last thing: he's gentle while they're doing it, he makes sure she really wants to do this, that, step by step

Hope this helps you 💗 (and sorry if there's any mistakes, English is not my first language)

It did help, and you did wonderfully!! ❤️ (This ended up really long lol idk how)

Sebastian Stan x Reader; late bloomer virgin reader- NOT underage, fingering, f oral receiving, unprotected sex, overstimulation, praise kink, vaginal sex, aftercare

ANY HATE WILL BE DELETED THIS IS A JUDGEMENT FREE ZONE DON'T LIKE, DON'T INTERACT; MINORS DO NOT INTERACT 18+

You and Sebastian had been dating for a few months now after you had met at an after party your friend dragged you to that Sebastian was also at. The two of you had talked all night and he'd asked for your number before kissing your cheek goodnight. He'd called the next day, and you'd been hanging out ever since. Everything was perfect, except for the fact that you were worried about the sex.

You hadn't ever been in a real relationship before for a myriad of reasons, not the least of which were your issues with your family, but Sebastian had been really understanding, taking everything at your pace. He never pushed you, never made you feel like you were pathetic or less than him or anyone else for that matter, and he tried his best to keep you from thinking that about yourself.

You were over at his place one day, cuddling and watching a movie. Everything was perfect until a sex scene came on the screen and you felt your whole body flush. Sebastian was lazily drawing patterns up and down your arm, and suddenly every movement felt like a fire scorching up your skin. You shifted on the couch, thighs pressing together tightly as you tried to lean away from him.

"Everything okay baby?" he asked, sweeping a hand over your forehead, brushing your hair back. You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath before you turned to look at Sebastian. One of his legs was behind you on the couch, stretched out, the other hanging onto the floor with you in between them, staring at your hand on his chest. It moved up and down slowly, steadily, the soft fabric of his shirt grounding you, your fingers curling around the thin chain he wore on his neck.

"I want to try something," you whispered, and closed your eyes, leaning in, to first kiss Sebastian's cheek, then his lips. "I want you, Seb," you murmured against his lips, your eyes popping open when he groaned, low in his throat. He gently pushed you back until you were eye to eye, looking deep into yours.

"Baby, you know I'll wait as long as you want, so tell me again, need to hear you say it again," Sebastian said firmly but desperately.

"I want you Seb, want you to fuck me," you replied breathlessly, cheeks burning as you held his gaze.

Sebastian's eyes fluttered as he groaned again, and he surged forwards, kissing you softly. "Oh sweetheart, I'm gonna take my time with you. I'm not just gonna fuck you baby, I'm gonna make love to you," he said in between kisses, pressed deep and long to your lips. He pulled you forwards, until you were leaning on his chest, his back supported by the arm of the couch. You lay lengthwise, Sebastian sliding down the couch a bit until his head was on the arm, his legs boxing yours in on the couch, his hands holding your hips tightly.

"You good?" he asked, fingers flexing on your waist, your faces inches apart as you rested on top of him, feeling him press hard into your stomach.

"S-so good," you stuttered, flushing in embarrassment but Sebastian just kissed your forehead gently, kissing your eyelids and cheeks too before returning to your lips, kissing you long and sweet.

Your hands were still on his chest, one anchored in his necklace, and you lost yourself in the kisses, your mind blanking out as he pressed his lips to yours over and over again. Soon enough you were panting, your hands fisted in Sebastian's shirt, tugging on it as you whined.

"Shh, it's okay baby, I've got you," he murmured, pushing you both up until you were sitting sideways in between his legs. He kissed your shoulder, soft, even through your shirt. "Let's move to the bedroom sweetheart," he said, urging you to stand, quickly following you and wrapping his arms around you, pulling you back into him. Sebastian nuzzled your neck, hands stroking your upper thighs and hips, gliding over your pelvis and stomach, making you shiver. "Gonna make you feel so good baby, promise, won't let it be bad or hurt at all."

You whimpered, head falling back onto Sebastian's shoulder, your legs going weak and he caught you, holding you up. "Come on baby, let's go," he goaded gently, walking you forwards arms still around your waist.

When you made it to the bedroom, Sebastian stopped you next to the bed. "Can I take your clothes off sweetheart?"

You nodded, looking down and whispering, "Please." He smiled, leaning forwards and cupping your face, kissing you softly.

"Good girl," Sebastian murmured, and you shuddered, eyes falling shut. You felt his lips on yours again and you moaned into the kiss, opening for his tongue, as his hands slipped under your shirt, pressing tight against your skin.

You gasped, Sebastian stealing your breath, his hands warm and solid against your sides, sliding up your body, your shirt moving with him. He separated your lips, pulling the shirt over your head, casting it aside as he slowly moved his eyes from yours down to your breasts, covered by your bra. His breath caught, eyes darkening, his hands resting on your ribs, tracing the bottom of your bra with his thumbs.

Sebastian slid his hands around to your back, unhooking your bra with little difficulty, letting the straps fall down your arms, dropping it on your shirt. He lifted his hands, cupping your breasts gently, thumbs brushing across your nipples, making you gasp. Sebastian's eyes flew to yours. "So beautiful," he whispered, stroking across your nipples again, your eyes fluttering shut.

You opened them again when he slid his hands down your sides, getting on his knees as he undid your jeans. He pressed a kiss to your stomach as he pulled your pants down, leaving your panties. Sebastian pressed your hips until you sat down on the bed, letting him push you until you were laying down. He quickly took his shirt off, standing and letting you stare at his lightly defined torso while he shed his own jeans, then he climbed on the bed, laying between your spread legs. His necklace dangled down, drawing your gaze.

"Still doing okay sweetheart?" he asked, holding himself above you, looking down and meeting your gaze steadily as you looked up. You smiled and nodded, wrapping one arm around his shoulders shyly, pulling on his chain until he lowered himself on top of you, dipping his head to kiss you. Your heart was racing- you felt like you were flying every time he kissed you, your head spinning.

Sebastian started kissing down your jaw and neck, trailing down to your breasts, gently sucking one into his mouth, making your back arch. His fingers came up to play with your other nipple, softly rubbing and rolling it.

"Seb! Please, I need more," you gasped, Sebastian groaning as he pressed his face between your breasts.

He kissed your skin lightly murmuring, "Yeah baby, yeah, I can give you more, gonna make you feel so good." He kept kissing down your torso, until he was at your panties. You flushed bright red as he inhaled, pressing his mouth to your covered pussy in an open mouthed kiss. He sucked at you through your underwear, groaning at your taste as you got wetter and wetter. He found your clit and rubbed through the fabric gently, your hands flying to his hair and holding on.

"Seb I- I'm gonna come!" you exclaimed, shocked at how quickly you were on the edge. Sebastian pulled back, making you whine. He hushed you, sliding your panties down your hips and getting up to pull them off. He laid back down, wrapping his arms around your thighs. He kissed each one, then bent his head and licked up your folds, gently coaxing your lower lips apart until he could slide the tip of his tongue inside your pussy.

You moaned, hands clenched in the sheets, as Sebastian wiggled his tongue around, sliding over a spot that suddenly had you coming, body tensing up beneath him. You could feel yourself get wetter, Sebastian licking it all up, making little groans as he did.

Your legs were shaking when he finally pulled away, kissing your mound and your thighs, only releasing one. His free hand moved around your leg, smoothing up it, rubbing gently.

"How are you doing baby?" Sebastian asked, resting his head on your thigh, looking up at you.

Your breathing was slowing down, and you smiled at him. "I'm so good," you giggled, feeling a little like you were drunk or high. "Can, um, can we keep going?" you asked a little nervously, relaxing when Sebastian grinned at you.

"Of course baby, how's this?" he asked, rubbing your pussy before gently sliding a finger in.

You gasped, eyes rolling as you responded, "Yes! Good...more," you babbled, groaning when he slid a second finger in beside the first. His fingers were long, decently thick, stretching you out carefully. He scissored them, pumping them in and out of your hole before slowly adding a third finger.

You were so close to coming again, feeling stuffed full and delirious already, and he hadn't even gotten his dick in you yet. You giggled then moaned as you clenched on his fingers, pleading, "Daddy I-" You broke off, mortified, hands immediately covering your face.

"Yeah? What do you need baby? It's okay, you can tell me, tell Daddy," Sebastian murmured, kissing your thigh, fingers still inside you. You felt tears flood your eyes at his kindness and understanding.

"Need you, I need you Daddy," you sobbed, and Sebastian groaned, kissing your thigh again as he slid his fingers out of you. He crawled back up over you as he took his briefs off, kissing you everywhere, until he could kiss the tears from your cheeks.

"Gonna give it to you baby, gonna give you what you need, Daddy's got you," Sebastian murmured, pressing kisses all over your face as he rocked onto one arm, his other reaching over to the nightstand and grabbing a condom.

You stopped him saying, "Um, I have an IUD, we uh- we don't need a condom, if you don't want it. I trust you."

Sebastian stared at you, eyes crinkling as he smiled. "That means everything to me sweetheart," he said, forgoing the condom and holding your face as he kissed you. You whimpered into it, his hand sliding down your throat, your chest, your stomach, grasping his dick and guiding it to your entrance. You tensed when you felt him brush through your folds, and Sebastian paused. "Baby? Do you want to stop?"

"No!" you cried, nervous but wanting it so much. "Just, um...slow?" you asked hesitantly. Sebastian smiled softly at you, pressing his lips to yours in a sweet kiss, slowly rubbing the tip of his dick through your folds, nothing more.

When you started getting impatient, you deepened the kiss, making Sebastian grin before he kissed you harder, tongue thoroughly exploring your mouth while he positioned himself, then brought his fingers to your clit and began rubbing.

You tensed then relaxed, feeling yourself clench every time he brushed over your clit. "Seb! Please, Daddy I'm ready," you begged, Sebastian barely letting your mouth go long enough for you to say it.

He kept kissing you, deep, drugging kisses that consumed you so much you didn't notice him rocking his hips, until suddenly the head popped in and you were gasping, Sebastian pulling back to stare into your eyes as he stilled.

"Don't stop!" you cried, yanking on his hips, trying to pull him deeper into you. Sebastian moved forwards another inch and you moaned, eyes rolling, pleading, "Don't stop, don't stop please!"

He kept going, slowly rolling his hips, entering you bit by bit, stretching you carefully. Your words trailed off into sounds, moans, loud in the bedroom until his hips met yours and you went quiet.

"Baby? You okay? Talk to me, sweetheart," he said, stroking your hair from your face.

"M'good, s'just a lot," you slurred, sighing heavily as you felt how fully stretched you were, open but stuffed. Sebastian exhaled shakily, arms straining by your head as he held himself up, keeping his hips still.

"You need to stop?" he asked, blowing out a breath when you shook your head.

"Promise m'good Seb," you replied, wrapping your arms around his waist, feeling his ass flex under your hands. You squeezed gently and his hips tripped forwards, grinding his dick deep into your pussy. Your back arched underneath him, pushing your breasts up into his torso, firm and warm.

"Yeah, alright sweetheart, gonna give you want you want then," Sebastian said, grabbing one of your hips tightly. "Gonna fucking make love to you baby," he growled, and slowly pulled his hips back before pressing them forwards at just the same pace.

Your eyes rolled at the slow drag, your mouth dropping open as your head fell back farther into the pillows. Sebastian kept with the steady rolls for a long moment, getting you fully adjusted, before he started speeding up.

"Oh- my god!" you shouted when his cock dragged over that spot inside you. Sebastian chuckled breathlessly, moving faster as he stayed where he was, sliding past that same place.

"You're doing so well baby, taking me perfectly, you're so good sweetheart," Sebastian murmured as he thrust, sweat dripping off his brow.

Tears filled your eyes again as your orgasm built inside you. "Daddy! Seb- I'm gonna-" you broke off as you came, tightening around Sebastian's dick so much he couldn't move for a moment, buried deep inside you.

When you relaxed, your body slumped on the bed, out of energy, your mind floating hazily. "Don'stop," you mumbled, hand on Sebastian's ass, trying to stop him from pulling out. He groaned, throwing his head back before dropping it, hanging heavy between his shoulders as he gave in, fucking you in sharp, short bursts.

"Baby, tell me now if you want me to pull out, because I'm gonna come," he grunted, braced on his forearms by your head.

"Come in me Seb," you whispered, and he buried his face in your neck, coming hard, deep inside you. He ground his hips into you, your cunt clenching on him rhythmically as he pulsed.

Sebastian panted into your shoulder before raising his head, looking down at you, his hair a sweaty mess, cheeks flushed red with exertion, his blue eyes bright. You felt tears prick at your eyes as you stared at him, smiling so big your face hurt.

"How are you feeling sweetheart?" Sebastian asked as his softening dick slipped from your pussy and you winced then smiled again.

"I feel good," you said, then stopped, thinking. "Overwhelmed and exhausted and happy and perfect," you continued, listing them off as Sebastian grinned, eyes crinkling and nose scrunching. He kissed you quickly, then rolled off you but pulled you with him, resettling with you laying on top of his chest.

"Do you think you could drink some water for me? Maybe eat a snack?" Sebastian asked, one hand playing with your hair, the other resting on your shoulder. Your arms were folded under your chin, on his chest, and you looked up at him.

"Does that mean I have to move?" you asked, laying your head back down.

"Just enough to let me up to get it sweetheart," he replied, pressing a kiss to the top of your head when you grumbled. He gently slid out from under you, grabbing his briefs and throwing them on as he walked out the kitchen.

You waited, getting under the covers and snuggling down until he came back, water and chocolates in hand. You smiled at him shyly, pulling the sheet up with you as you sat up.

Sebastian sat next to you, handing you the glass of water. You sipped at it slowly, not wanting to make a mess. When you had finished about half the glass, Sebastian took it back and leaned against the headboard, gesturing for you to come to him. You thought for a moment before letting the sheet go, it pooling at your hips and sliding down your legs as you moved, laying back against his chest.

"You're so beautiful sweetheart," he whispered as he wrapped his arms around your waist, hugging you. You knew your face was flushed, but you basked in the praise, feeling warm.

Sebastian moved gently, picking up a chocolate and holding it to your lips. You carefully took it, licking at his fingers, making him groan.

"Don't get me going again baby, you need a rest," Sebastian laughed, one hand resting on your stomach as the other picked up another chocolate. You ate it, nodding against his chest.

"Yes Daddy," you grinned, and he laugh-groaned.

"What did I just say?" You giggled, turning in Sebastian's arms until you could see his face, smiling down at you. You pressed a kiss to his chest, fingers grasping his necklace again, fingering the pendant.

"Thank you Sebastian," you whispered after a quiet moment. He tightened his arms around you, kissing the top of your head.

"You're welcome, sweetheart. Thank you for trusting me with that, for sharing that with me. I know what that meant to you, and I'm happy you're feeling good after everything, I am too, don't worry," Sebastian said with a grin. You smiled back at him, then nuzzled into his chest. "You rest now baby, we'll shower in a little bit."

You sighed contentedly, getting comfortable in Sebastian's hold as he stroked your hair, lulling you to sleep.