#like... idk man. it took SO much energy and effort and motivation to work on art for the first time in like?? a month??

[starsteemer]

Thinking I don't want to post art anymore

[thisdreamplace]

What is your biggest realisation recently? Hope you’re doing well! 🤍

omg this question is so interesting. Where do I even begin?? this is gonna be a long one.

My biggest realization lately is I’ve been playing defense. lmfao Yesterday I was watching my current kdrama, When The Camellia Blooms, and the female lead came to this realization. And it made me realize the same about my approach to the law.

I just recently finished a 30 Day manifestation challenge. And idek how I feel about posting my experience because it’s a lot. It took an unexpected turn towards the end and I’m not sure if it would help anybody to share what the experience was like. Like... it might? idk I mean, it helped me come to this realization so.

But anyway, back to my realization. I read about life on defense vs offense and this is what I found:

“Playing offense means you’re taking action. You’re taking initiative to do something to get what you want. Playing defense means you avoid taking risks. You’re protecting yourself and you’re saving your resources and energy for a coming ‘tragedy.’“

Was I taking initiative by applying the law? Yeah. But I have fully seen now that I have been using it defensively. I use it in a very cautious way. I’m scared to be bold sometimes and decide, because I take it too seriously when things don’t come to pass. I mean, I thought I was doing great because I haven’t given up yet. But so? I haven’t been using my power to it’s full extent. I was still living from a victim mindset. Point, blank, period I was living life in a safe zone. I had all these moments where I sat there crying because I thought “but I’ve been persisting! I’ve been trying!” While looking at the world like it’s a war. Me against the world. Meanwhile, it’s me against me. Because if I want to see change, I have got to be the one to change.

I actually became angry with myself after this realization. Not in a bad way, but in a motivated way. Like I’m tired of taking no for an answer. I’m tired of playing it safe because my feelings might get hurt if something doesn’t come to pass. Like boohoo. You get up and you try again, you don’t backdown. Because who are you backing down to? No one but yourself. Even when it comes to everyone is you pushed out, I’m tired of thinking I could ever be below someone or not good enough. I’m tired of thinking I am an option, when I can just decide there is no other option. I’m tired of letting these thoughts come up and I act like I can’t change them. I’m tired of pretending like I’m not God of my reality, because it’s comfortable to leave things up to chance sometimes. I’m tired of pretending like I can be hurt by another, as if they aren’t just a mirror. I’m ready to play life on offense.

I realized I used this knowledge sparingly because you know, it was weird to think I am God. Without realizing it, I didn’t want to impose on others. Gag is, I already am imposing on others. People can’t help but mirror me, they have no choice. So why would I walk around here down about it? It’s literally the silliest thing ever. If I want to be chosen, I am chosen. People simply have no choice anymore. Why was I giving them choices? Because I was living life defensively. I gave myself a margin for failure. As much as I thought I had faith in the law, I really didn’t. I wanted to keep one finger on the old story, just in case. But Neville says you have to die to the old man completely. It can’t be one foot in, the other foot out.

Plus, I honestly see myself as a damsel in distress lmaooooo I can admit this even though I’m not so proud of it. I have such a “please come and save me” mindset. But how can a mirror ever save me? How can a reflection literally reach out to me first? I have noticed even when I manifest things I want, I still have the audacity to be filled with undesirable thoughts and feelings... oh yeah. It’s because there’s literally no one to change but self! What the hell was I even thinking for these past few months. Like this shit has me gagged. LMFAO. I like the idea of being taken care of so much. But fully, I need to take care of myself first. Forreal this time. Not in a fake way, where in the back of my mind I’m like “I only have to live this way till I get my manifestation</3″ LMAO. I am my manifestation. My mirror will surely show me my mental efforts. No more excuses.

I suddenly am very tired of this victim way of thinking. If I am going to give this a shot, I need to give it a full fucking shot, you know? Not in this “ankles in the water” kind of way. But I need to dive the fuck in, head first and not care about the rest. It’s time to stop acting like a victim to the law. I am the law. I am God and the law works because of me. It’s time for me to start acting like it.

lol idk if this is gonna be interesting to anyone. But it was nice to talk about it. So, thanks for asking. I hope you are doing well! 💖

[peony-pearl]

As like one of the minimum of maybe 3 people who like Hollander (and that’s probably being generous), he was absolutely written and executed horribly.

His introduction and motive is brought up out of the blue by other characters in the midst of a LOT of stuff going on. When we see him in person for the first time, the only words out of his mouth are taunting, his only words being about how he alone can heal the degradation. 

His first actual scene, being the flashback, only shows him talking to Angeal and Sephiroth about Genesis’ treatment. His only words? ‘The problem is the mako energy that seeped in through the wound - first he’ll need a transfusion - you aren’t viable’.

There is no hint or tone of his disdain for his job; we don’t see him at work or in his office or element. (there is no point in the game that he does any research or science). It really only serves to help the initial surrounding mystery of why things are happening and how the copies exist; but that’s it. The characters have background knowledge that Hollander has been unhappy in his job. Yet his initial cutscene offers only that he is being knowledgeable about the treatment Genesis needs. His body language and words are professional and to the point; almost with an air of concern.

But immediately after, Hollander’s actions in his scenes consist of ‘oh no I’m in danger/run/gloat’. He’s there, he says something, typically a few one liners to answer a situation that Zack is immediately going to interfere in, and then that’s it.

How many times does Hollander himself mention the word ‘Shinra’? None. He only offhandedly tells Angeal ‘it’s time to exact vengeance for our family’s suffering’, which is most likely shorthand of his view of how Shinra treated them. 

He viewed Angeal as family and very obviously told him - offscreen, about his relationship with Gillian. We don’t even see Angeal’s initial reactions to Hollander telling him and Genesis about their origins. Angeal’s had very high esteem for his parents, but most of his inner conflict comes from his views of his sense of humanity when he reveals to Zack that he’s a product of Jenova cells and science. Not that his family dynamic has been ruptured. (Angeal is a whole other conversation). Hollander was so open and quick to call Angeal family; laughing off Angeal’s objections and his statement that his father is dead. What if Hollander’s laugh and his change of subject (to Gillian) was due to his years of feeling pushed to the side to begin with? If only we’d had any reason to believe that; that would have actually been emotional development.

In Junon, even after everything he put shinra through, Hollander is still kept safe as per the President’s orders. He’s performed some heavy transgressions and yet he’s merely jailed for it for the time being because of the knowledge he has about the Jenova Project. Wouldn’t that be just as infuriating to him as his time before his rebellion? Being held under Shinra’s thumb after another scathing failure?

 We see him escaping; reacting to Zack’s interference with his usual smarm. That desperation we saw from the last scene he occupied in which he tried to keep Angeal whole or to get another piece of his hair for another sample has been completely erased and is never mentioned again. He looks at Zack with a harrumph - the puppy who has consistently been nipping at his heels; the boy who was forced to kill Hollander’s pride and joy - a hmph. A smarm, a grin, chasing mech after him. There is no true reaction. It’s hollow; it’s meant to serve as a chase sequence and it does. 

It is no character growth, it is no revelation of those missions in which Zack is chasing Angeal and Genesis and the copies; that time as Zack finds his footing as a 1st class SOLDIER and performing Shinra’s work to find them; as Zack continuously forced them to relocate again and again. Hollander never mourns Angeal. His ‘family’; his perfect monster; at least we don’t see it. According to the FF7 timeline, he is held in Junon for a year and a half. A year and a half to stew, not only in his failed attempt to thwart Shinra, another failure to add onto his shameful collection, but to remember Zack, the boy who took his creations and turned him back over to Shinra. 

IDK I feel like the most appropriate way would have been actually getting a peek into Hollander’s frayed psyche. We already know his morals are skewed. While he, like AVALANCHE, opposes Shinra, his motives aren’t for the better of the Planet or the people; it’s for his gain, and he spared no qualm about the Genesis Copies attacking civilians. He still spares no guilt over the Genesis copies attacking Junon. Hollander’s motives are for him - but we barely even know him. He’s just there to be the road block, but with important bits here and there; to prop up the more compelling bits that supposedly wouldn’t have existed or happened without his intervention. So why is he so empty?

Seeing Zack again, and again, and again, foiling his goals, taking everything away from him; you’d think he’d almost put Zack on the same pedestal as Hojo. The only man we’re told (TOLD) that Hollander hates so much.

Speaking of Hojo - Hollander mentions Hojo’s name ONCE. His supposed arch-rival and we only hear his name once from Hollander himself - in passing. 

‘No one knows where the Jenova Cells are being kept! Not even Hojo knows! You’ll never find it!’

Cool.

So... Even Hojo recognizes Hollander has this chip on his shoulder as seen when Genesis threatens him (via Hollander’s command; a command we don’t see him give); but we never actually hear Hollander outwardly despise him. No annoyance, no loathing; nothing.

We get virtually NOTHING in terms of who this guy is save for some smarm and he runs from danger. He wears that Banora shirt just so folks can be like “HMM I WONDER WHAT THAT COULD MEAN. ANYWAY.”

Almost everything about his character is phoned in by everyone around him except himself. There are a couple of soldiers with lines pertaining to Hollander’s character - and it’s probably more development than he himself provides on screen in actual scenes. Which is a real shame considering Hojo could have gotten a really great foil; we could have discussed more about rebellions against Shinra; discussed more about what Hollander could have seen with Aerith and Ifalna and Gast; discussed more about Angeal and Genesis and Gillian THROUGH Hollander besides that one (1) cutscene that doesn’t actually explain anything (Except what Angeal’s abiliies can do); discussed the dichotomy of folks going against Shinra, such as motives vs actions. Hollander and Zack could have had some great conversations as Zack becomes more jaded and Hollander could have used that to his advantage; but then when Angeal is killed, even at Angeal’s own forcing of Zack’s hand, would Hollander have only wanted to see Zack suffer as he did? A hellish sentence of decades being either overworked or ignored?

“What is this? Are they putting me out to pasture?” - A line Zack says after being sidelined for a while. A line I can easily imagine Hollander saying after being declined the Director of Science, or when he’s held in that jail cell in Junon.

So many Connections - just not even explored. And that doesn’t even count the characterizations of folks like Genesis and Angeal. While we at least learn motives and personalities, we see them so rarely that they continuously jump from one extreme to the other. Just to keep the player in that loop of ??????? for you to keep going. Regardless, Zack is the emotional core, and he serves it so well and is a fantastic hero and main character.

But I can’t help but feel like there’s a missed thread; several really all things considered. Nothing that’s crucial; but something to help tie things into a neater little bow; just a little extra effort for these new characters would have made this already wonderful game something a bit more integral to the overall lore of FF7. 

Of course, now that FF7R is here and is making something new of everything provided, this whole discussion is kind of moot lol. All I can do is wait (Very excitedly) to see how the Remake continues to expand on these amazing characters; and whether or not my dumb scientist returns or not. I have great faith in the future of the franchise (except the whole ‘Intergrade only being on PS5′ really sucks but boo hoo I guess); so regardless of what happens, I’m more than certain I’ll keep enjoying what happens.

[iereiaio]

𝕴𝖓 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖆𝖗𝖒𝖘 𝖔𝖋 𝖒𝖞 𝕲𝖚𝖎𝖉𝖊𝖘

*Cue Sarah McLachlan* 

4.2.21

So, today I did a spirit guide meditation, but I already knew my spirit guides; I just never talked about them here!! So I met them October 20, 2020. I met Merlo first, hes a very... slinky, mischievous but calm black cat; he acts like he’s big and bad but every time I come into the garden to see him, he runs over and jumps up on me for pets and kisses. Like today, I hadn’t come to the garden for them in months, and he was very sweet. He ran up almost as soon as I walked in, and for that guided meditation, you’re supposed to do a few things before meeting your guides- Merlo did not care and did not want to wait. 

Next up is Carwyn! He is this BIG man, big big big big man. He can manipulate his height and size, but hes this big, Norse or Celtic man- he can only get to be like 6′7 as his shortest height, but it’s a lot less intimidating than when he’s STORIES high. Oh my god that man is huge, he startled me the first time I came into the garden and had to shrink down quickly because it spooked me out of the headspace for a second. He is very fun, laid back- definitely gives me dad vibes. I always love his hugs, they’re always super comforting and sweet. He’s openly very loving and sweet. 

And now, Edith! She’s this very petite, but still taller than me, woman; she has beautiful, dark hair, also Norse I believe but less “viking” looking like Carwyn. She’s also very ethereal; little flowers in her hair, a very soft, but kind expression. She’s the sweetest thing, and I love her. They’ve called themselves my family, and I love that I have some family that likes and cares for me. 

So anyway, Im about to do todays reading, I just wanted to share that real quick. I’m gonna try to just do 1 single haides reading, so I can also have the energy to do some shadow work- and maybe some other stuff too. 

I cannot stop myself from pulling more when my second card is bad because I just want clarification

For this reading I pulled:

Justice

4 of Cups

and for the “fallout cards” I pulled

5 of Coins (R)

The Magician

10 of Swords (R)

Strength

Page of Coins

Ace of Coins

So I either need to cleanse my deck, or Haides isn’t very happy with me right now because my original cards were very rude, and didn’t really resonate. It was like... King cups reversed, king wands reversed, 7 wands reversed- Temperance was in there too but idk, I couldn’t really read that one or put it together. So I re-pulled after doing a quick meditation with my deck to cleanse it. It’s been a while since I used this deck, so maybe the deck is upset with me. I’ll have to ask Haides. 

For Haides cards, 

I had to pull some clarification cards because I was super confused cosidering his original cards was how I am bringing harmony and balance into my life, but then 4 of cups is about romanticising bad choices in my life? I don’t know what bad choices I’m making and the clarifiers don’t seem to make much sense of it either.. I feel I may need to cleanse this deck because I have no idea what its trying to tell me. My clarifiers are: 9 of Coins, 8 of Coins, 5 of Cups (R), 6 of Swords, & the 9 of Cups and I get the vibe that its basically saying I can move on and be successful, I just need to put in the effort and stay determined- but I already knew that! Everyone is telling me that! Is the 4 of Cups a warning of not romanticising bad choices? Or warning me that I may be presented with a bad choice in the future? I mean that’s a given; maybe I’m biting off too much by trying to work on my comic, my healing, and getting back into spiritual stuff all at once. I don’t know. Everything scares me lately. I don’t know what to make of that. The clarifiers are very uplifting though. 

So the fall-out cards, 

they’re ALL amazing too, they’re all centered around good finances, recovery, strength, healing, etc! I don’t understand what the 4 of Cups is for, I really don’t. It’s what’s really throwing me off of this reading. Everything seems so incredible, it seems like I’m getting back on track, but what bad decisions have I been making? The only thing I can think of- Oh. So I googled other meanings for 4 of Cups and it says it can represent feeling stuck in life. I- okay. LMAO well that mystery is solved. Now that I’ve had a crisis over a card. 

So overall, this reading is incredible, and I need to keep doing what I’m doing. I’m on the right path, nobodys mad at me, and I need to just breathe, and keep myself on the right track. 

𝓢𝓸 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓷𝓮𝔀 𝓼𝓽𝓾𝓯𝓯~

What am I grateful for!!?

Being away from my parents

My memories resurfacing (despite them being traumatic)

Having a kind roommate that I’m able to be friends with

Mami <3

Having the motivation to get out of bed

Disability income (though it should be livable for all)

Orville Peck

Art!! I love art so much 

Having a group of people who are willing to help me with my comic

Having a therapist

Having access to a doctor (wouldn’t have that without disability)

My bike! It helps me get places

Air! I would not be alive if i did not have it

Gaining 10lbs since my lowest weight, it took over a year but I’m happy about it

girls????

[nyandereneko]

thinking about furry bf stuff...

i will get around to writing proper things eventually but it takes a lot of time and effort and polish and FOCUS to do fics and i’m trying not to push myself too much, since i’ve been struggling with a lot of that lately (and also slowly but steadily working against/out of it!! i’m doing my best!) so instead i’m just gonna share some of my random ideas here because i’m emo and it’s easy and maybe one day i’ll have the motivation and energy to turn them into fics

recently i’ve been seeing more gifsets of the scene where Shirou catches Michiru when she fell off that building and it just made me really 🥺🥺🥺 like...Shirou makes sure that any time there’s an impact it only hits him, because he can take it, and if she took even one hit it would probably break several bones or just severely fuck her up internally. and i’m not convinced he didn’t ALSO get hurt that badly, i know he got up and walked it off but like...idk how his immortality works, if he just has rapid healing or if he’s super strong alongside rapid healing...he does bleed during that scene because he gets the cut on his face, but he’s able to just shake/wipe it off quickly, so like he can be hurt but idk how much he can be hurt and how long it lasts...but like owwie man??? i’m sure he still feels the pain of getting beat to shit falling off a fucking skyscraper and i just never really thought about it much before i started Having Feelings and now I’m just like...oof...and idk how much in canon shipping i’m going to do (i tend to prefer to stick to outside canon because it just gives me a lot more flexibility to do whatever scenarios and interactions i want without having to keep track of canon) but i could see him going to Nova afterwards and she notices he’s stumbling a little and clearly not feeling well and i’m not sure how much would be left for her to patch up, but maybe she kisses his scars/healing areas and stuff...and she just holds him and soothes him and maybe if he goes into beast mode she can rub his ears and kiss his nose and just run her fingers through his BIG FLUFF fur because hey even if he is fine, i think i’d still be hurting pretty bad after experiencing something like that...i guess we also don’t know what his pain tolerance is like either 🤔🤔 but he was clearly in some kind of pain/does feel it to a certain extent and i just...got emotional about it hiflesjfilejfs i get extra emo thinking about Shirou and Nova just being soft and nice together and so content and happy and in LOVE like damn...these fools....it’s so cute i just LOVE IT i wanna think about cute stuff for them all the time but brain machine fucking BROKE when i actually try to come up with anything coherent it’s always just like “Shirou big and fluffy...Good” and then cuddles and pets and the scenarios trickle off into nothing hfeilsjfelsifes but that could just be The Mindset i’m in right now, things are a lot less organized and more fuzzy ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

on a much lighter note i just really love Raymond Animal Cr0ssing so fucking much!! he’s such a cutie and i’ve been having so much fun working on my island and thinking about the different things we/he and Nova would do together...i want him to visit her house and see her in all her cute outfits and they could go on museum dates and visit uncharted islands together or just sit on the beach holding hands with their tails intertwined...he has the cutest fucking peets and smile and he’s kind of a dork but i can see Nova liking to ruffle that little tuft of hair he has or complementing his glasses and him blushing and playing with her ears and just teasing her in general...like god most of my selfships get pretty on the angst side at one point or another but idk if my Raymond ship will ever get like that outside of like, general emotional problems i guess...like i read a comic someone did about Raymond wanting to spice up his life and stop living his normal monotonous city routine and him finally getting that new lease on life starting over on this random island with a bunch of supportive and motivated neighbors that just want to make it feel like a welcoming and happy community...and i love my current villagers so much, they’re so nice to me and so wonderful and if i ever get Raymond to join their ranks i can finally die happy because that’s one of the only things i desperately want in that game lmao...i could see one of my villagers throwing a party (they did actually do that for my bday 🥺😭 it was so sweet and wonderful) and everyone going and hanging out and Raymond and Nova go together and everyone on the island knows they’re a couple and everyone’s just really happy for them and they’re all friends that hang out and encourage each other and help each other with establishing their lives/little community on this simple little island...y’all i love Animal Cr0ssing and Raymond so much i know i started this part of my rant with that same line but seriously i’m losing it i love it all so much i’m so glad to have this stuff in my life fheislfkeslks

not TOO much to say about Tsuchigomori, i guess he isn’t even really a furry bf but i tend to lump him in with Shirou and Raymond because I started liking them all around the same time and just like “claimed” them as my new f/os for the season...but now i’m like genuinely starting to really care about them and want them to stick around oh no 🥺🥺😳 i just get stupid soft about Tsuchigomori really having a soft spot for Nova and vice versa...i figure he doesn’t get to interact with too many people because like lol he’s a ghost stuck in this school with the other wonders but he also chose to be there and continue to watch over Hanako, presumably because he feels some measure of guilt about Hanako’s death, which is just the vibe i get and since i’m slowly making my way through the manga i don’t have a lot of context from there either so most of my thoughts/feelings are just speculative at this point...but i feel like having someone new around would be like a breath of fresh air and although he bears the weight of knowing how she died while also keeping it from her so she doesn’t have to suffer with that knowledge, just knowing that she’s happy, and even more that she’s happy with him/because of him, makes me so ghisljflejfse i bet it’s so special man!!! why tf did i have to catch feelings like this i just thought he was hot but now things are like super tragic and emotional and complex and i love it all so much even though pain!!! so much pain! the good news is though it’s not all pain because Nova brings a lot of lightheartedness and happiness into Tsuchigomori’s life and he makes her feel secure and protected...she gets up to all sorts of shenanigans with the other ghosts or kids sometimes ofc but at the end of the day she’s Tsuchigomori’s partner and she listens to him and helps him like a good assistant and when he starts to realize he actually likes being able to rely on her, and not having to be alone in that library all the time...i know he kind of already had Yako too but at least he can influence Nova’s attitude more reliably and also kiss her, like...kind of an upgrade if you ask me lmao also random stupid thought but Nova sitting on his shoulders playing with the chain he has on his glasses...just batting them around and when they’re alone it’s fine and he thinks it’s cute and let’s her but if other people are around he’s like “we have to be professional stop being a fucking cat!!” and she’s like “bitch i am a fucking cat!!!” it’s so good IT’S SO GOOD

damn anyway i don’t really know where i was going with this but i have a lot of feelings and i wanted to share them so yeah thank you for reading if you made it this far sorry for being so ranty and incoherent this is what happens when i fixate and have feelings but i don’t really know what to do with those feelings because i can’t write as quickly or articulately as i’d like so the scenarios that just play and evolve constantly in my head bounce around until i’m restless and almost can’t take it and then i make a post like this to try and make myself feel a little better and it sort of helps until like an hour from now when my thoughts are running around in frantic lovey dovey circles all over again orz

[garbageivereleasedintothevoid]

10-26-19 (Saturday)

Was thinking about early childhood. Like 4 and under. A lot. We used to live in a rental house on Eichel. In Jimtown.

I was thinking about it and I realize that I was so clueless. And helpless. But I don't think my mother had yet realized how she could use me. Or maybe she didn't have the desire yet. Idk. Maybe she got bored once she didn't have random neighbors to fight. Which, btw she did almost fight someone while she was pregnant with me. Apparently my dad held her back and the other woman just went back to her house. But my mom was nearly ready to birth me and she was trying to fight a bitch? Jesus christ. She must have had some intense rage issues if she could be several months pregnant and the first thought is "I should risk everything because someone made me angry." Then again, she never wanted me.

I have to wonder what people thought about her. She hadn't learned to hide that behavior when not at work yet. She just went apeshit. Did they think she was a violent danger? Did any of them feel sorry for me? I wouldn't mind either way but... I just wonder what was seen from the outside. Did she have them all fooled? Or did some red flags get noticed? She seemed really good at convincing most mental health professionals. But I think a couple caught on tbh. Julie Kahre used to (I have no clue if she still does) work at Evansville Psychiatric. She was apparently in high school with my mom at the same time but supposedly different grades and different friend groups. My mom was more in the fringe of the punk scene and apparently knew a LOT of people who were among the first in Evansville to get completely and totally fucked over by meth and heroin. Anyway... I think Julie saw that she wasn't actually beimg a good mom and she tried subtler ways of helping me see but it never really stuck. And one day she just told us both that my mom wasn't doing things right (translate that into therapy talk, I'm half asleep rn) and essentially told her she was rhe problem and my mom grabbed my wrist and drug me outside and into the car.

My mom hadn't liked her being my therapist. We laughed and joked a lot was her reasoning but apparently my mom thought that wasn't important to be doing. Idk. I think maybe Julie knew something about her and she was afraid of it being revealed. Idk. But I felt good going in there. I felt okay with her as a therapist. Like she was functional for me. Which was rare. And then my mom started undermining everything. Telling me that she thought I was getting worse. And idek if I was or not but if I was, it wasn't Julie's fault.

But anyway, we never went back there after that. And while I had been there, I'd had to see her psychiatrist, Dr. Kaplan (now at Midwest behavioral health next to cross pointe). And that man did not understand a goddamn thing about me. And like at one point even he admitted that he felt it unprofessional of him to take us both on as patients and tried to get her tonlet me see some other Psychiatrist and I was all for it. But she knew she could manipulate him and was like "No, I'll jusy go see someone else, it's fine." And like... I literally begged her to let me see anyone else except Dr. Kaplan or Paul Mefford (knew him through TSA, never liked him. Actively disliked the man. Still do. And besides, It would be a conflict of interest since we were both on the board) and she basically told me no, this was what we were doing. End of story.

Idk. I don't think there was much I could do to change anything before I did. I lacked the confidence that Jessi had given me to break out of there. Take that leap. I tried once with living with Rachel and failed but Rachel was toxic. And she failed to understand the level of support one must provide to someone fresh out of an abusive situation (they all believed I should have a job and be out of their house within two weeks. I was applying everywhere. No one wanted to hire me. I was awkward and needed direction and I had never worked before. And even with a job 2 weeks is entirely unreasonable to save up money for an apartment, sign the lease, and move out). And she believes mental illness is fake anyway. So there was no getting help from her.

Jessi provided emotional support. However fleeting it may have been, she at least gave it effort. Maybe not the level I needed but to be fair, she was in the middle of crisis after crisis. Regardless, she boosted my confidence enough to get my ass in gear. And I finally was able to find some footing, rocky as it may have been. And then I met Sara. And everything accelerated much more quickly at that point. Sara devoted so much time and energy to me. Sometimes I think she may as well have been working two jobs I took up that much of her time. But she kept at it. She pushed me up off the ground and propelled me forward whenever I gave up. She encouraged me when Inwas too scared to move forward. She really put me on the path I'm walking now. She motivated me in a way no one else could. She's good at that, from what I've heard. She was good at that with me. Idk. She's just... She is really good at knowing when to listen, when to talk, when to offer comfort. When to soften her voice, when to joke and laugh with me. She could read me like a book. She saw through me. It was like having your mind read. She just got me on a very basic level. Like some will understand the various aspects of who I am. But Sara really understood who I am at my core. It felt like she was looking into my very soul. It was wild. But I trusted her to be careful with that knowledge. And she never disappointed. Sure, she made mistakes. But idk. They were honest mistakes. And everyone makes those. I just have never felt as understood by someone as I have by her. I still miss it. I think... I'll always miss her. And it hurts still. But... I am happy for her. I just am still scrambling to figure out how to fill the void she's left in my life. It's like a piece of me is just gone. She was... My support. She was half of my support system. I saw her more than anyone unless you count Yoshi. And even then... Some days... It was... Nice... To just be in her office sometimes. To just be near her. Safe. Protected. She was my refuge. She literally and figuratively saved my life.

I know everyone is sick of hearing me talk about her. But goddammit she was important to me. And that hasn't gone away just because she doesn't work at ECHO anymore. Idk. She was my friend. And that's what she'll always be. Even if she's not my friend I see all the time anymore.

[comicteaparty]

August 30th, 2018 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on August 30th, 2018, from 5PM - 7PM PDT.  The chat focused on The J-Man by Jonny Aleksey.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

COMIC TEA PARTY START!

Good day everyone~! This week’s Comic Tea Party is now officially beginning~! Today we are discussing The J-Man by Jonny Aleksey~! (http://jonnyalekseydrawscomics.com/thelatestpage/) For those new or in need of a reminder, discussions about the comic are freeform, so please feel free to bring up whatever you wish. However, every 30 minutes I will be dropping in a discussion question for participants to help those who would like a prompt. These questions are totally OPTIONAL to answer! If you miss out on any though, they’ll be pinned for the duration of the chat once they’re posted~! Remember, constructive criticism is allowed, but the primary focus here is to have fun and appreciate the amazing comic~! All that being said, let’s get started and have a great discussion!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

yo

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

HI THERE JONNY

sorry I'll stop the caps locking

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

should I answer the questions too?

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

lol

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Well, I guess my favorite scene to design was the final pages of #4

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

if you want to answer the questions i wont stop you. though this is basically the only one thats non spoiler-y

and anything specific you liked about designing those pages?

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

There was a lot of quiet still shots . I enjoy writing dialouge enough but visual emotion is more interesting to me.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i do think that shows through the comic throughout. not that the dialogue or other aspects are poor, mind you. but i do think the comic shines strongest when its relying on the visuals.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Agreed.

The comic has a really great art style that lends itself really well to action and dramatic scenes

And the expressive characters

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yeah. although definitely the action. theres something in the movements that feels immensely fluid.

ironically though, i think my favorite scene is the end of #5. i enjoyed the emotional drama of jonny realizing that the world simply just isnt this easy to define black and white thing. and i think that just adds a good emotional layer that helps followup on the fact that #3 had that sense of moral grayness as well. i also just liked seeing jonny having his own little folders for villains. thats just kind of cute. practical but cute.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

ye

I just wonder when our boy the J-Man will return

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

(working on next ish

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

yessssss

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

#3 was probably the first true character arc in the comic

I'm glad it followed up nicely so far

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Good to hear

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yes and im really enjoying the balance of the villains. like theres this great moral grayness to them where their motives and backstories are sympathetic. but i like that in this case it doesnt go too far. like the story keeps it clear that nah, theyre sympathetic and have dimension, but theyre 100% the villain and need to be stopped.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Oh, Jonny, I have something to report, if you don't mind

http://jonnyalekseydrawscomics.com/jonny-concept-art

I think the images here are broken

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

oh yeah. I haven't gotten around to fixing that.

There's just so much to do in one day :0

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

I can imagine

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

I keep putting stuff like that aside so I can work on the archive stuff.

but Justin what's your fav scene. I really wanna know.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yes do tell SJ

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Crap uhh It's been so long ago

http://jonnyalekseydrawscomics.com/thelatestpage/125 bu I'd say this scene was a pretty fun one

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Oh yeah, that took a long time to make.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

how long?

if ya remember

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Probably the whole day

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

wow, that quickly huh?

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

I wonder if anyone noticed that pipe gag.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

maybe but definitely not me. now i see it and thats a fantastic detail.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

i never saw it either

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

I like sign jokes a lot. Probably cause of The Simpsons.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

i can see that

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i want to say i really like jonny's costume design. i like the contrast of colors but i also like how its this mix of superhero and street clothes. i think it really expresses his personality well that this is his choice of uniform.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

I remember when he was drawn with rainbow colors one time

as a joke

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

The rainbow would make a cool special short sometime.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

nice

Aw yeah now I remember

you were doing a Q&A

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

His suit got more "professional superhero" as it went along but I'll be damned if he ever loses his sneakers.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

aw yea

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

tbf sneakers seem very comfy for fighting

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

indeed

for me my footwear of choice are boots

cause they hit hard

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Made it. ^.^ I liked the scene where Abe gave Johnny the costume. Like, I know you're not going to quit this, so I've got your back. And you be styling.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

MATH

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

He'll wear boots in the winter

yo!

That was very nice of him.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

boots good for kicking?

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

boots are made for walking

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

abe is the bestest of best friends. abe is the vip. has the costume, has the science, has the loyalty. A+ friend.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

you sure bout that

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

QUESTION 2. Of all the threads in the comic, there is one that stands above the rest: Who is the Big-Man? What do you think the Big-Man’s ultimate goal is? Is he up to something big, or is his goal simply self-profit? We’ve also seen many people are in the Big-Man’s pockets. Do you believe they’ll stay loyal, or will one of them eventually bail and squeal on the Big-Man? What do you think will happen if Jonny discovers the identity of one of these accomplices? What if it is someone he knows? Do you believe, at current, that Jonny would be able to beat the Big-Man? Or do you believe the Big-Man has something up his sleeve? Lastly, what do you think the Big-Man’s next move will be in regards to dealing with Jonny? Will he continue to try and capture him, or will all efforts move to elimination?

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Ok, this one I can't answer.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

you mean this one?

http://jonnyalekseydrawscomics.com/assets/images/static/Sergei-Sternoff-Updated.png

cause he's pretty big

if you know what I mean

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

no not that one, but fair point. unless this was all a rouse. and if we think sergei is out of the picture well never suspect him of being the big-man O_O

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Sergei's just a hired goon. Not very bright.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

of course cause he has to follow the dumb muscle stereotype, is that it?

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

(Just reading the backlog. Incidentally, I only made it to the end of #5, the two parter. Lots of pages!)

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

That's pretty far. You only missed the prequel. (Hope we discuss that later)

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

lol

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

I think I noticed that pipe gag in passing, it only really registered subconsciously.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i unfortunately did not include a question about the prequel cause i worried it was too far along, but the questions are optional. and so we can talk about it towards the end if we so choose.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

ok

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

The Big-Man is actually Johnny himself, who time travelled back into the past and is now trying to set himself up to be a better superhero.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

that would be quite the twist

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

It's the reason he knows so much.

Actually, Big-Man's probably just an extra terrestrial.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

interesting theory

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

that is interesting and not something that occured to me

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Oh I also found this guy on the site

http://jonnyalekseydrawscomics.com/assets/images/static/Unknown-Man.png

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

who's dat??????

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

it's easy

it's [NAME REDACTED]

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

actually can even make that make sense. he was interested in that one energy project cause the big-man needs unlimited energy to get off earth and get home. big-man just homesick.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Oh yeah, and there's the Question too.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

so im gonna assume the big-man's goal is something like world domination. maybe on the underground black market level, but some sort of domination. but one thing from this question set i believe is that one of the ppl in his pockets is gonna squeal. someone somewhere is gonna get a conscience and be like, "nah maybe this is a bad idea."

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

lol

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Rebel: I like it! It's why he's interested in the scientists too.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

because nothing like becoming the president for a day or two

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

idk, money doesn't talk

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Does Big-Man need world domination though? He's already got all the neatest gadgets, from the stuff used in the first chapter to whatever the heck hypnotized a scientist to smuggle out blood samples via camera feed.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Nonsense

they ALWAYS want world domination

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Maybe shady Question guy is the squealer.

By the way, the smuggling of samples I think means Big-Man doesn't need to try and capture him. In fact, that whole thing could have been a ruse to distract from the real crime.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

that is true. you could make an argument big-man already owns the world. he has no goal and is just playing with his toys. but then jonny came and he was like "a shiny new toy!?"

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Why not just grab Sleepy Bear though? Seems like an easier target somehow.

Guy's more sentimental. (Which is weird for an AI.)

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

J-Mam is too protective of Sleepy to keep him out of his sight. Don't think it'd be easy to kidnap him.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

lol

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

thats good. i think id be too horrified if sleepy got kidnapped.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

That is a good point. Would need a decoy.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

decoys fooling the big bad

Never fails to amaze me

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

"Wait, you're not sleepy bear, you're... grumpy bear!"

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

i read that as "Sleepy Bar"

"Come get your Sleepy Candy Bars Today!"

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Sleepy Bar is what he's called in Boston

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i think sleepy bear was a great addition. because partners are good. and like, its good for the j-man's image. nobody is gonna look at a superhero with a backpack bear and think he isnt the best superhero.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

XD(edited)

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

good PR

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

I also want to give a shotout of my own to Jonny's costume/outfit I like how it almost looks like he's in casual gear or something

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Honestly, sleepy bear creeps me out a bit. I think maybe because of that one panel where he was putting on the outfit, and it felt vaguely like the robot putting on someone else's skin just to blend in better.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

but then you see him from the front and

wait what

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

In terms of someone working for Big-Man who might flip, aside from mystery question man, it could be that female scientist person who got kidnapped.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

gonna blame FNAF. cause i did get FNAF vibes for a moment tbh

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

"Inhale my dong enragement child"

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

But that's why he wears the bear suit. Cause his robot body is scary.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

idk she seems unlikely to flip to me. mostly cause i dont think shes on the end that realizes the extent of evil. that one friend whose name i forget has a dad that got roped in though. and i think hes the most likely to flip and then jonny will be sad realizing the big-man is just basically everywhere.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

orly

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Jonah's dad is the most sympathetic character for me. Sleepy Bear too actually.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

There is that. Not sure I remember which friend you mean in context though.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Jonah Knoxford, Jonny's friend from Cali.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Oh, right! Kinda forgot about him, that's plausible.

Could be that Abe's scientist guy friend gets recruited too.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

it would be reluctantly if that happened

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Yeah, like I don't see him knowing what he's getting into there, but his discovery seemed like it'd be useful to evil purposes if they learned of it.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

maybe theres a twist coming that jonah's dad wanted to protect jonah, but jonah was already working for the big-man the whole time.

to protect his dad

its the whole switcheroo double cross

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Since they're both Jonathans in a way

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Big twist: The big-man is actually the big-woman. It's Jonny's mom.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

hahaha tbf i did consider that possibility. that maybe its a woman pulling the strings. just going pronoun wise by the fact its big-man. XD

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

How better to stay one step ahead of the police than to be married to the chief.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Big-Man could just be a code name

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Actually, it would make sense to obfuscate that way, everyone's looking for a guy, you're in the clear.

Big-Man... code... he is actually an AI.

An alien AI.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i like the alien theory over the AI personally speaking. if only cause an AI just keeps making me think of 2001 a space odyssey atm

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

"I'm sorry, J-man. You can't do that."

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

I'm sorry, J-Man. I'm afraid I can't do that.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

QUESTION 3. Jonny would not be the superhero he is today without the help of the mysterious substance Jaintium crashing to Earth. What do you think Jaintium even is? Is it just an undiscovered element as the scientists believe, some sort of sentient, alien being, or a bit of both? Why did the Jaintium-related entity save Jonny? Was he just a convenient host, or was it a good will attempt to save Jonny’s life? Was the Jaintium crashing on Earth a coincidence, or is there something more to it? Whatever the being was, do you think it and Jonny will continue to work symbiotically? Or is there some dark foreshadowing in the fact we often see a mental embodiment of it goading Jonny into more extreme methods? Do you think Jonny will suffer more side effects, whether they are for better (i.e. new powers) or worse? Do you think others will discover the origin of Jonny’s powers (besides those that know), and if so, what do you think will happen to people’s perception of The J-Man?

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

The one answer I'm pretty sure about is that he was just a convenient host. It's interesting that both Jonny and the Alien had a presence inside, kind of making up the whole being.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

crap I stepped out for a bit, my apologies

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Technically, the superhero's name is just "J", isn't it? (That was an amusing bit, where it's like 'I can't use my name'.)

Waiting for the crossover with Q from Star Trek.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

at first. He's trying to get people to start using J-Man now

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

or Q from Street Fighter

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

"Is this a Q&A? No, it's a Q&J, we're not answering anything."

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

I would watch that

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

I guess it's nice to be thought of as a "Man" when you're, y'know, still young.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

haha i did like him almost using his name and then being like "wtf self." i like how no one called him out on the fact that it sounded like he was going to say something else.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

"you da man now, dog"

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

"I'm Jo... J... J. Jonah Jameson. Wait."

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

The next coming of Jojo's bizarre adventure?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i do agree with math in that i think jonny was just a convenient host.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Yare yare daze.

One thing I kind of wonder, was Jonny actually dead? Like, can Element-J actually revive the freshly deceased? Or was Jonny still bleeding out?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

gonna go out on a limb and say that i think the crash to earth was a bit of both. in that i think whatever creature was in that meteor left its origin point for a reason but that arriving on earth was not intentional.

im assuming he was dead tbh O_O

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Ooo, I'm saving that question for a later issue, Math

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

itt Rebel influences the future of J-Man

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Rebel: I could go along with that. Might be that arriving on Earth was just the closest place that could support life.

Also, the element seems to be trying to get itself back together, based on Sleepy Bear. Maybe you can use it to find more of the same. They could track J-Man that way, figure out his identity.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

actually could be an interesting conflict. like mr. stone showing up in jonny's living room and then jonny's dad getting home and being like "ITS YOU!!!!!"

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

"You have no chance to survive, make your time."

Though what if it's Abe's father who manages to figure out a way to track using the element? And he tells Jonny's dad?

Plus it is radioactive, even though the cells are preventing anyone from getting dosed. Maybe the half life is such that they can work something out based on concentration in the air.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

damn I should be writing this down

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

You're free to use anything you like as a red herring.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

this is going on the assumption theyd want to devote the resources to that atm. cause tbh theres probably a lot of other things to learn about the element first.

like why is it stable cause iirc past a certain point most elements are not stable

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Rebel: True. But if Big-Man's been stealing it, maybe the police want to track it to find HIM. J-Man's a fringe benefit.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

and can only be made for a fraction of a moment

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Actually, maybe that's what grapple-girl was measuring. That time she poked J-Man in the eye.

I want to see more of her, incidentally.

I feel like she's that Megan person who had moved back into the area?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

that was my thoughts exactly too

that it was this megan who was moving back

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

write it all down, please J

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Most of the mystery I have worked out. Just the little details I could use.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

I feel like she'd have lots of cool gadgets, because she doesn't have superhero powers (that we know of).

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

lol

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Actually, that's something I'll mention - at first, I thought the J-Man had kind of attracted more evil to him, what with bulking up Sergei and Big-Man sending in goons. The idea that superheros cause supervillains. But then there's been a few like Heatwave who already existed. So maybe not as much?

I wonder if Megan's defeated anyone.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i usually assume with superhero genres its a bit of both

that some ppl are already super powerful

but that superheroes attract more super powerful ppl to be made as well

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

hmm

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

which is logical

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

maybe

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

cause you cant do the evil unless you can neutralize the ppl who can stop you

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Makes sense to me.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

and thats assuming the superhero lady is megan. it might not be even if we theorize the same. but the possibility exists.

i wonder if the jman's world has like a justice league or avengers equivalent

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

They work out of Sweden.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Maybe in the future. As of right now the only public-known supers are J-Man in New York and The Valve in Seattle. J-Man's on his own.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Until Abe gets his superpowers.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

there's more beings with superpowers in this world?

*shot

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Waiting for the issue where Abe and Jonny switch minds.

I'm not even sure which minds - J-Man's head is crowded.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

actually that was a point i thought that was worthy of discussion. is the being using jonny as a host sapient and when we see those mental manifestations were seeing the creature? or is the creature not really sapient and those manifestations are simply a side effect of the joining that sort of splits jonny's mind into extremes?

QUESTION 4. Besides the bigger mysteries, there are many, many smaller mysteries that have been left unanswered. Who is the shadow person who appeared to help Jonny when Jonny was fighting Sergei? Why did they help Jonny, and how did they know about the tranquilizer? Who was the mysterious masked person Jonny met before getting distracted by Abe’s father’s kidnapping? What was the masked person up to? Have we seen the last of Heat-Wave, or will Heat-Wave come back to exact revenge on Jonny or someone else? What about any of the other villains we’ve seen? Do you expect we’ll see them again, or will they stay away for good? On a less superhero level, do you think Jonny will continue to be able to keep his secret superhero life secret? Who do you think might find out next, how, and what will it affect? Finally, what do you think will happen if Jonny’s dad finds out The J-Man is his son?

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

I feel like it's sapient but still very confused by the Earth.

Good questions, I feel like I already talked about some of 'em.

I'm psychic.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

lol

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

is masked lady who we assume is megan a crime fighter or is she more an antihero up to her own business that requires a hidden identity? that is a question we havent addressed

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

I think she's up to her own business, but not necessarily an antihero.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Maybe

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Just fashion challenged.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

not a fan of black skin-tight suits?

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Actually, maybe she's the blue character in the 'previously' art.

Jonny: .... Got me there.

I still don't think she's antihero like catwoman though.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

looks at his characters with black skintight suits

hides them in a corner

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i do think shes up to her own stuff. my antihero opinions are out until we see her again. i dont see her and jonny joining forces though.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

We don't know if she was doing any illegal stuff cause J-Man interrupted her. Very rude.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

True. That's a good point actually J-Man needs better social skills. He tends to assume the worst.

His shades of grey skills are getting better though.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i assume illegal cause she ran off and wasnt doing any crime fighting. although tbf vigilantism is pretty illegal so j-man is, in fact, the criminal

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

"I was the criminal all along..."

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

His dad would be dissapointed

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Could it connect back to the prequel that I didn't have time to read?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yeah i really hope his dad finds out. that sounds like such the epic emotional drama

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

On some subconscious level, maybe his dad suspects.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

maybe. idk about that.

i liked that the prequel had mr. stone. cause in the main comic i always was like "man this is a weird lighting choice for mr. stone." and now it all makes sense. its not lighting. the name is just literal

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

He's stoned?

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Oh man. I hope that wasn't confusing.

I guess I coulda conveyed it better.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

I just thought he looked pale, I think...

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Nah, his skin is pure concrete.

He beats up Jon Sr. pretty badly in the prequel

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Ouchie. Stone cold.

So, two things I want to get out there in the last 15 minutes or so. First of all, WOW, how much time has likely gone into this... because I followed the link of the old vs new fight with Sergei, and it looked REAL different. So, a lot of early stuff was drawn twice, I guess?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

nah its okay. it wasnt something that really bugged me. just one of those hmmm thats odd maybe theres a reason. i just like knowing now and in retrospect i feel sort of dumb for not realizing XD

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

heh

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Yeah, I first made 6 issues in high school (2011-2012), but I didn't like the art and some story elements so I decided to remake them for the webcomic. #1-3 are those old comics redone.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

that long ago huh?

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Damn, that takes willpower. IMHO.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

yeah. J-Man now is about 4 years old

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

happy 4th!

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Second thing I wanted to mention was all the little cameos and things that were mentioned to be there from other comics. That's classy, like going the extra mile in my opinion. Kudos.

I also remember seeing Christmas arts on Twitter with some of the people I follow.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

I like cameos

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

oh yeah I got one of those last year

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Not sure what I'm gonna do this year.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

I's amazed at having the time and inclination for all that. Whoa.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

that outfit for sleepy bear is adorable

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Works as nice promotion too.

Random question, d'you think anyone could remote into Sleepy Bear and take over? Does he have a good firewall?

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

It started as a thing to do cause there wasn't a Tapas X-Mas collab last year (and this year too, sadly)

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

seriously, thank ya for the awesome art, Jonny

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

if sleepy bear could be remoted into, that sounds like the makings of a personal FNAF

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

I hope Christmas J-Claus returns this year

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

The Jaintium in him would probably disrupt anyone trying to hack him remotely. I'd have to be a physical connection.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Rebel: Maybe it's Megan's way of getting a sidekick.

(If Megan's not the girl, this'll look real silly when someone goes through the backlogs.)

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

that sounds adorable. fighting over sleepy bear and who gets to have him as a partner

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

(Maybe if SF does a holiday thing Santa-J will come back)

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

sounds good

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Jonny: Fair point. Interesting how it's not ruled out.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

And before we go I wanted to say keep it up with J-Man, you've really turned it into something magnificent. @The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

As to mystery masked person providing tips, maybe it's just another manifestation in Jonny's head.

And I think HeatWave will become a hermit somewhere. If he returns, it might be to help J-man at the climax.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i considered that. but perhaps its that one chick from the prequel you didnt read math.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Rebel: Ahh, hmmm.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i do hope heat-wave returns. and also makes fire puns. "If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen."

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Wait, we haven't mentioned ships! So, anyone out there shipping Jonny and Abe?

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Puns are always good.

LAST MINUTE SHIPS GO

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

(Actually, some of the bonus art is really cool, like for Halloween. I laughed at the BL one for April 1st.)

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Don't want to burst your theories but the chick from the prequel was Jonny's Mom.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

So Jonny's Mom IS the Big-Man. Wait.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

This year's Halloween pic will be video game based

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Nice

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

COMIC TEA PARTY END!

Unfortunately, the scheduled Comic Tea Party time is now up~! Thank you everyone so much for reading and joining this week’s chat~! We want to give a special thank you to Jonny Aleksey, as well, for making The J-Man and volunteering it for our reading queue. If you liked the comic, please be sure to support Jonny Aleksey’s efforts however you’re able to. All that being said, if you would like to continue discussing this week’s comic, we highly encourage you to do so~!

For next week, Comic Tea Party will focus on MORBIDITY by Charu. As always, please use the next several days to read as much of the comic as you would like. We hope to see you next Thursday on September from 5PM to 7PM PDT for the chat~! Until then, happy reading~! Comic: https://tapas.io/series/MORBIDITY

[madigabz]

8-02 Hey baby, I was doing some reading yesterday & earlier today. Wanted to share some stuff just so you can read about some interesting things. Like chanting. It's pretty intriguing to me but idk if you'll like it. I was going to journal before work but I didn't give myself enough time. I slept in bc I didn't sleep the other night lol. My life is a mess but at least I have fun with it. Well I try to anyway. I wish I could have you here to relax and calm me down before work. I get so anxious sometimes about things. Never realized how much shit gets me going..worked up I guess you could say? Not really but I'm just OCD af and always on tip. I took a quarter of an addy bc I wanna study a lot tn. But it gets my heart racing still lol. I can definitely concentrate and focus more bc I truly do have adhd but I think it fucks w that heart murmur i have. Idk I like taking it & smoking too. I was emotional & soooo horny the last couple of days and I started my period i think? It might just be light but that's good! I hate how periods fuck up your hormones and make you so emotional lol. A little hope to not be negative & thinking I can't have kids. Even tho you said you can't bc you've blown in a lot of girls and nothing's happened -.- you're the only bf I've ever felt protective over. I think it's bc you're promiscuous:p. It'd be nice to have a conversation about life and share a bowl w you. Get fucked before work and be in a better mood ;) ughhh I can't wait! Do you remember sending me a pic back in like November I think? It was on our fb mssgs & it makes me wet just thinking about you bending me over the bed D: I was sad this am just in pain from yoga yesterday and I just want to be fit and healthy. Hate that one workout takes a week to not be in excruciating pain. Makes me stick to my diet more tho. Yoga and meditating with you:) Alan you're the best thing that has ever happened to me and I can't wait to be the mother of your babies one day<3 I reread your last letter again. Makes me have a piece of you in the day. Woke up and read it, it gets me through a lot of days. I feel like I can't be as positive as can be if I don't smoke. You've been sober since before New Years... and I'm just so fucking proud of you, dealing with everything the way you have been. I mean it when I say that it has proven to me that you really have grown up and became a man. I know you aren't the person you were 5 yrs ago, a yr ago or even since January... You are still my rock & strength even though you're locked up. Still my reason for my effort in life. Thank you for making me feel like everything is okay. Even if you don't say it all the time, I know you're a hard headed, strong mother fucking person and I'm in love with you. I think I make you a better person and you do the same for me. You're my motivation babe and I thought about that while I was bummin' out earlier. It's why I read your letter :) but when I had that thought "Fast Car" came on and it was like a sign :b not trying to sound gullible and silly but it was like a "relax your shoulders, breathe, you're going to get what you deserve. Everything is going to be okay." It was like I had you pulling me in and reassuring me I'm not kidding. I remember standing in front of the mirror or cooking in the kitchen and you'd wrap your hands around me from behind. God I love you... I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Please don't fuck me over. I gotta get to work:( but it's my ticket to come see you!!! I'll link everything later to this letter... I take pics through out the day and wanna just check in like you're apart of my everyday life. Love you so fucking much!! 4:20 & I think I might play with myself before work(; write later babes:* 8-07 so it's been a couple of days now and I'm sorry I haven't wrote to you. Im doing a bunch of interviews and what not through out the day still. I just got hired at bdubs & it's the closest restaurant to campus so I know I'll make good $!!!! I have a couple interviews this week for nannying & massaging. Things are finally coming together!! We have both weathered the storm and I truly believe we are going to get rewarded for being so positive and understanding our circumstances. I'm at my first day of training at bdubs..I was doing paperwork and I saw that sammi requested to follow me on instagram, I seriously got tears in my eyes. I didn't know if she hated me or not. I told her to call me sometime when she is able to, it has made my whole day! I'm hoping you call tonight but idk what your sanctioned days were. I'm guessing fri-sun but idk..so many meetings and stuff rn I'm trying to stay on top of everything. Irdk how moms do their daily stuff, their husbands stuff, housework, providing/ working, bills, baby, drs, everything! I need to learn how to manage my time better. I wish i could teleport to you & spoon you in your bed tn. Please stay positive about October Alan, it's the only thing I'm holding onto. I hope you like all of the stuff I'm going to share w you. I thought it might make you think a little more hopeful. I've been talking to your mom quite a bit lately, would you want me to ask her to come when I visit the weekend of the 24th? We are about to start touring & what not but I wanted to check in w you. I love you so much Alan<3 -Chanting protects us from negative energies: In the state of meditation the mind is thoughtless. In this state, some negative energy can trouble us. On the other hand, a protective sheath that wards off negative energies is formed around us when we chant.-Nowadays many people practice meditation as a psychological self-improvement technique rather than a tool for spiritual growth. the benefits derived from such meditation are also at a psychological level. Based on the above comparison, for spiritual growth in today’s era, chanting is of greater value. If you already meditate with the intention of achieving spiritual growth, we recommend you complement it with the spiritual practice of chanting.-Om Mani Padme Hum:The two syllables, "padme", meaninglotus, symbolize wisdom. ... Thus the six syllables, "om mani padme hum", mean that in dependence on the practice of a path which is an indivisible union of method and wisdom, you can transform your impure body, speech, and mind into the pure exalted body, speech, and mind of a Buddha"-Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu mantra: "May all beings everywhere be happy and free, and may the thoughts, words, and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and to that freedom for all.” *(I used to "pray" or ask the universe everyday to for 'the world get happier and safer each day. & whatever happens to me, I'm able to walk away with a smile on my face' I have said the same thing since I was like around 10 yo.) -You should reach the large bead (or tassel) after 108 repetitions. When you do so, it is traditional to turn the beads around and continue in the opposite direction. Now repeat your mantra silently 108 times, moving one bead at a time, as before. Meditate for a few minutes. Do this by sitting quietly and envisioning your chosen form of the divine within your heart or at the point on your forehead between your eyes. If thoughts come, let them come, but realize that you are not your thoughts, and gently dismiss them.!!!!!!!!*(THIS IS THE BEST SENTENCE I HAVE READ) -Increase the number of mantra repetitions and amount of time in meditation as you have the time and inclination to do so, and are able to do with concentration.You may also repeat your mantra silently throughout the day as often as possible!- Mantra recitation, which is called japa (“muttering”) in Sanskrit, has been an important aspect of Yoga practice since Vedic times. It consists of the repetition of the same mantra, which can be composed of a single syllable (e.g., om) or a string of mantric sounds (e.g., om namah shivaya). As Patanjali reminds us, the yogic path is propelled by practice and dispassion, and significantly, the Sanskrit term for practice—abhyasa—means “repetition.” Through repetition we create either positive or negative habit patterns. Mantra japa produces positive mental tracks, helping us to gradually overcome spiritual darkness. It is a powerful technique for focusing the mind and for harnessing the body/mind’s subtle energies in completing the yogic path of self-transformation. As stated in the concluding chapter of the Kularnava Tantra: “Japa is so-called because it removes the sin accumulated in thousands of lives and because it reveals the Supreme Deity.” The greatest “sin,” of course, is ignorance of our own true nature.-I will put the Law of Least Effort into effect by making a commitment to take the following steps: " 1. I will practice Acceptance. Today I will accept people, situations, circumstances, and events as they occur. I will know that this moment is as it should be, because the whole universe is as it should be. I will not struggle against the whole universe by struggling against this moment. My acceptance is total and complete. I accept things as they are this moment, not as I wish they were. 2. Having accepted things as they are, I will take Responsibility for my situation and for all those events I see as problems. I know that taking responsibility means not blaming anyone or anything for my situation (and this includes myself). I also know that every problem is an opportunity in disguise, and this alertness to opportunities allows me to take this moment and transform it into a greater benefit. 3. Today my awareness will remain established in Defenselessness. I will relinquish the need to defend my point of view, and I will feel no need to persuade others to accept my point of view. I will remain open to all points of view and not be rigidly attached to any one of them."- Least effort is expended when your actions are motivated by love, because nature is held together by the energy of love. When you seek power and control over other people, you waste energy. When you seek money or power for the sake of the ego, you spend energy chasing the illusion of happiness instead of enjoying happiness in the moment. When you seek money for personal gain only, you cut off the flow of energy to yourself, and interfere with the expression of nature's intelligence. But when your actions are motivated by love, there is no waste of energy. When your actions are motivated by love, your energy multiplies and accumulates , and the surplus energy you gather and enjoy can be channeled to create anything that you want, including unlimited wealth.-This leads us to the second component of the Law of Least Effort: responsibility. What does responsibility mean? Responsibility means not blaming anyone or anything for your situation, including yourself. Having accepted this circumstance, this event, this problem, responsibility then means the ability to have a creative response to the situation as it is now. All problems contain the seeds of opportunity, and this awareness allows you to take the moment and transform it to a better situation or thing. Once you do this, every so-called upsetting situation will become an opportunity for the creation of something new and beautiful, and every so-called tormentor or tyrant will become your teacher. Reality is an interpretation. And if you choose to interpret reality in this way, you will have many teachers around you, and many opportunities to evolve. Whenever confronted by a tyrant, tormentor, teacher, friend, or foe (they all mean the same thing) remind yourself, "This moment is as it should be." Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.-There are three components to the Law of Least Effort: three things you can do to put this principle of "do less and accomplish more" into action. Acceptance simply means that you make a commitment: "Today I will accept people, situations, circumstances, and events as they occur." This means I will know that this moment is as it should be, because the whole universe is as it should be. This moment -- the one you're experiencing right now -- is the culmination of all the moments you have experienced in the past. This moment is as it is because the entire universe is as it is.- If the karma is complete, this will be part of what you release. If it is not, patterns can be reset this month to reflect a higher vibration so that unfinished business and karma can be completed or continued in a way that comes from a place of more love, compassion and forgiveness. This includes self-karma, those deep hard lessons we all came in with this lifetime whether they are physical conditions, emotional or intellectual challenges, or just simply difficult personality traits. Whatever has been anchored through your childhood wounds and imprinting has become part of your patterning. That energetic patterning is your belief system that informs the quantum field around you to manifest certain aspects of your life. Much of this becomes automatic and unconscious until you have an opportunity like we do this month to go within, dig it up, re-evaluate its relevance, and make a change. So, the bottom line is that this is a great month to reset and recreate who you are, what you want to manifest, and how you want to show up in the world. It is going to take work, commitment, discipline and a true willingness to change.- You may also find yourself resurrecting old hobbies or projects or even collaborations with others especially around the arts and music. That garden that you dreamed of planting a few years ago may suddenly manifest because it is the right time. Or that business deal you gave up on will come around again with fresh energy and new insight. Be inspired by the possibilities and be creative in your problem solving and reconfiguring of what runs your physical life. It may be time to retire some aspects and rekindle others. Take a risk and take advantage of what comes your way, always willing for reevaluation and reset.- *(there's a total solar eclipse where the moon blocks the whole sun aug 21st) And speaking of eclipses, even if you are not in an area where they are visible, it would be very very wise to honor them in some way as powerful allies for reset. Try to take time around the eclipses, especially the solar one on the 21st, without interference from your schedule. “We will not actually see the results of what these eclipses have offered us until later in the fall. But you can be sure that if you put the intention into what you want reset, you will get their support.”-When you become defensive, blame others, and do not accept and surrender to the moment, your life meets resistance. Any time you encounter resistance, recognize that if you force the situation, the resistance will only increase. You don't want to stand rigid like a tall oak that cracks and collapses in the storm. Instead, you want to be flexible, like a reed that bends with the storm and survives. Completely desist from defending your point of view. When you have no point to defend, you do not allow the birth of an argument. If you do this consistently -- if you stop fighting and resisting -- you will fully experience the present, which is a gift. Someone once told me, "The past is history, the future is a mystery, and this moment is a gift. That is why this moment is called 'the present'." If you embrace the present and become one with it, and merge with it, you will experience a fire, a glow, a sparkle of ecstasy throbbing in every living sentient being. As you begin to experience this exultation of spirit in everything that is alive, as you become intimate with it, joy will be born within you, and you will drop the terrible burdens and encumbrances of defensiveness, resentment, and hurtfulness. Only then will you become lighthearted, carefree, joyous, and free. In this joyful, simple freedom, you will know without any doubt in your heart that what you want is available to you whenever you want it, because your want will be from the level of happiness, not from the level of anxiety or fear. You do not need to justify; simply declare your intent to yourself, and you will experience fulfillment, delight, joy, freedom, and autonomy in every moment of your life. *Literally, I believe I got you back into my life bc I wanted it so bad. You are proof that you can "get whatever you want bc you want it from the level of your happiness" I knew I would have you back one day honestly, I just had doubt. I knew it even before last April when you told me I couldn't let you go bc you were the one for me. You just had to grow up. I moved to Colorado to let you do that. -research tells us that every thought and emotion creates a chemcial reaction because it immediately changes our neurochemicals that affect our mental, physical and spiritual health,Your mantra should be your own; something that resonates with you and helps you recenter in the moment. Keep in mind that what de-stresses one person may not be calming for another. So stick with what works, even if it’s something as silly as “Hakuna Matata.” How could this 90s mantra not make you smile? Plus — it means no worries ... for the rest of your days.:) “This Too Shall Pass.” While it’s important to live in the present moment, it’s also comforting to remind yourself the stress you’re enduring now is temporary — clear skies are on the horizon.“Make It Work.” Tim Gunn’s power phrase is poignant: Take a deep breath and remember that you’re in control and there’s always a solution. Don't worry be happy(: & ofcourse from bob Marleys song "3 little birds" Don't worry about a thing, Cause every little thing gonna be all right. Singin: don't worry about a thing, Cause every little thing gonna be all right! It's gonna be be alright man. Rise up this mornin, Smiled with the risin sun, Three little birds Pitch by my doorstep Singin sweet songs Of melodies pure and true, Sayin, (this is my message to you-ou-ou:) Singin: don't worry bout a thing, Cause every little thing gonna be all right.Singin: don't worry (dont worry) bout a thing,Cause every little thing gonna be all right! * hope you sang that with a Jamaican accent too :) alright who knows how many stamps this will be but this was the best way for me to show you that I'm thinking about you and doing everything I can to help you be positive & assured. I'm by your side baby. No matter what I'm going to wait for you. 8-08 i love you