#ive been applying to a lot of jobs that involve doing evenings and on the one hand i need a new job very much

[karliahs]

i joined a local lgbt+ choir and this is momentous mostly because it has involved me voluntarily going to an after-work event. like i went to work and then by choice left my house again. on the same day. like a person with energy would. unprecedented

[maxwell-grant]

I’m curious, what are your thoughts on Seth from street fighter?

Even post-revamp, still fairly awkward and out of place as a Street Fighter character (even if that is very much the point and always has been), but as a villain, they really won me over, there's a lot of great stuff here. Seth is a self-hating robot in a CEO outfit who poisons the world around them and whose grand plans involve imitating the actual main villain while insisting they are a different unique being (unlike their 26 exact clones), and stealing the creations of everyone else around them, who then dies and gets a sexy cool makeover to become a gruesome aimless murderous ghost, who chases traces of it's creator around to kill him unaware that it's dying with every step it takes and that it's chasing something that isn't there. They went from Frankenstein's Monster play-acting as a cold calculating unfeeling chessmaster who everyone could tell was full of shit, to the Bride of Frankenstein as a barely-held-together dangerous yet tragic monstrosity that everyone reacts to with disgust and pity. They went from what we used to think AI would be, to what AI actually is, and I'd say they were pretty ahead of their time for that alone.

(art by z3dd)

Now, IV Seth was pretty uncontestedly the least popular of the Street Fighter Final Bosses, for fairly similar reasons to Gill: they were seen as too much of a fantasy supervillain, they didn't "fit" the series, they were too weird and awkward and out-there, and where as Gill at least got a pass because of his presentation and style and sheer contrast with Bison (although that "pass" only happened because people turned around on 3rd Strike), Dollar Store Dr.Manhattan was just lesser than Gill and Bison in every way and thus was a dissappointing final boss, an out-of-place comic book supervillain who didn't justify their existence.

Granted, the series actually had way more of a precedent for Seth than it ever did for Gill, given the presence of prior cyborgs and shapeshifters (the Shadaloo cyborgs from the animated movie that Seth was directly based from, Twelve and Necro) plus Gill, and the door for comic book supervillains was blasted open in the first place with Bison (and all the fighting game bosses that descended from him). But still, Bison's thing was that he was one-in-a-million, that he broke the rules as an dishonorable intrusion, that if you reached high enough to topple the greatest fighter (Sagat) you could fight the greatest fighter's boss, a man so powerful rules and structures could not apply to him and only your fists stood between him and global domination. Since obviously you can't take a step back and you can't do the same trick twice, that formula had to be tweaked for Gill and Seth: Gill was presented as someone above even Bison on the food chain and scope, a distant immortal bearing divine judgementt on trespassers, where as Seth was defined by their role irrevocably beneath Bison, and the walking inferiority complex that ensues.

They are a Bison project, one of 26 exactly like them (which means canonically most of the fighters got to defeat "a" Seth, which really does not make them very impressive), growing from Bison's leftovers to lead a subsidiary of Bison's organization, continuing Bison's plans, with their grand plot being just an imitation of Bison's plan to control Ryu's power, and generally acting and speaking and doing things exactly like Bison while uselessly whining that they are NOT Bison and that they will succeed where Bison failed, while the narrative makes no secret of the fact that Bison is still alive, still pulling the strings, and that he was perfectly fine until Seth started getting a little too big boy pants for his liking, and now Bison's gonna put his homegrown Pinocchio in the shredder with little to no difficulty and take the reigns as Final Boss again. Which, granted, did do it's job in building Bison back-up again, but didn't do a thing to negate the idea that Seth was a superfluous, inferior rip-off, given that textually, this is how they were presented as.

Even the characters didn't seem to take them very seriously, certainly not as seriously as Bison, and that was BEFORE the breakout rock star of the IV series, Juri, debuted to ensure that Seth wouldn't even be the most popular new villain. It is the least surprising thing in the world that Seth would achieve much greater popularity, in part, by being redesigned to be more like Juri. And part of what made Juri appealing was the fact that she was a conniving, cool, unique loose cannon villain ready to make Seth eat shit over thinking that they could control her, they became the big-headed authority figure for our punk bad girl to kick like a pinata. Unlike Vega and Balrog, who only talked a big game, Juri actually got to kick her dipshit supervillain boss to the curb, and we all loved her for it.

Seth's major saving graces were their gameplay, which made them very popular competitively, plenty of aspects of their design, and the fact that all of the above worked to make Seth a character who, while not terribly compelling in their own right, did a lot to make other characters more interesting, like Abel, who was designed to be a good counterpart to Seth and not remotely interesting besides (although his stint as Guile's manchild partner in SFvsT has it's moments), or like Juri and Bison, giving them an enemy they could actually defeat to gain street cred. Frequently you need villains that only exist to let other villains be cooler by comparison or retain their dignity or put one over. Sometimes you need a Cluemaster in place of your Riddler, a Mac Gargan to make all the other Sinister Six guys omlook better by comparison, a Zant to fill in screentime for Ganondorf or a Hobgoblin instead of a Green Goblin. You need your in-betweeners even if, and sometimes especially if, they will never be anyone's favorite character. Which is a harsh thing to say about Seth, but for a while they definitely didn't seem like anyone's favorite baddie, but instead someone who made their favorite baddies look way better by comparison.

And Seth worked in this regard especially because their design was built on the idea of them being unnatural, contemptible and out-of-place. I actually think Seth's original design does work, and has been vindicated over time. Seth is a cybernetic intelligence made by scientists to consume and imitate all the brilliant techniques that the World Warriors spent years/decades perfecting, a twisted mockery of their beliefs and achievements. They look like a living yin-yang and conducts themselves posing like a Shinto god, but there is no spirituality or soul to anything they do. They are a grotesque, soulless husk that can only imitate, can only cruelly replicate the evil of their creator and not even do a terribly impressive job at it, and all of their attempts to convince others they are in any way different or unique ring hollow. They are one in many many Bison back-up bodies even among the playable cast, and all of their achievements are meaningless, either already belonging to Bison or stolen and repurposed by Bison and others.

There was plenty about Seth that already worked and was just held back by a not-particularly impressive design or presentation. The grand trick that SFV pulled was basically giving them a new one, and taking everything about Seth that used to be implied and subtextual, and basically making it textual, making it a scream they can only repeat ad nauseum, and in the process making one of the most tragic SF characters as well as one of the coolest.

Now, yes, you could argue that SFV Seth kinda missed the point in a big way by actually giving Seth a distinct and interesting design best described with the "not to be a lesbian but oh god oh fuck jesus christ" meme, when the character being soulless and unoriginal was important to their make-up. But it was never a terribly interesting idea (already done by the likes of Twelve or the Cycloids), certainly not for a fighting game character let alone a Final Boss with such massive standards to live up to, and shades of it still impart in the new design in a far more delightfully twisted way. It's Seth, except they are Juri now. They've been remade in the image of their true enemy, their hateful minion that ruined their plans, led Bison to them, killed and broke and stole them to be remade using a discarded Doll body from Bison's scrap pile, and the process has revived Seth into a pitiable broken record of itself.

The new design greatly emphasizes the corrupted Shinto / yin-yang elements of before, adding splashes of color and powerful glowing lines to the design that make it so that, while they looks less cadaverous, they look much more the part of a corrupted imitation of a deity, so that despite being downgraded from boss status they actually look much more like something you'd face as a Final Boss, something that could stand next to the other Final Bosses. And that glow-up extends to their moveset: Instead of pasting together improvised and half-hearted recreations of iconic special moves, Seth now directly steals and perfectly replicates the skills from whoever they're fighting. Seth conducts themselves with greater power and swagger this time around, with tons of new animations lifted from powerful past Capcom villains like Demitri or the Heritage to the Future take on DIO, and it works. Because even now, Seth can only imitate greatness from others. Seth has perfectly captured advancements in A.I tech because they can learn, grow, and even imitate to near-perfection, but they cannot meaningfully improve, and they are dragged down by incohence, chaos, errors and glitches in programming. In short, the fact that they are an artificial intelligence to begin with.

That's a thing about A.I and robots in general: Sci-fi has spent over a century anthropomorphizing robots and artificial intelligence characters to empathize with and make stories out of, create lovable stock fantasy characters that our culture comes back to again and again, but now that they are a real thing, and they are horrible godless abominations often used to actively make the world worse (even if it's hard to ascribe fault to something that isn't sentient enough to be malicious), we can't really deal with that. It's a cognitive dissonance that sci-fi doesn't look like it's going to catch up for a while now, if it ever will. We still like robots and robot stories and characters too dang much to know how to live with them. We still cry over Pluto, it's unavoidable.

And crying may be a strong term, but SFV actually seriously invites us to feel sorry for the dang thing, and the great final trick SFV pulled was breaking Seth under the weight of being Seth. Under the weight of being lesser, of not being real, of being an artificial creation made in an assembly line and not even the best of it's kind, of being not a terribly popular creation, of being a victim of characters that will get away with what they've done to them because nobody's gonna stand up for Seth, of being a Bison imitation made to house Bison and do Bison's bidding in the meanwhile, and thrown in the trash despite performing exactly as it was supposed to. Seth has faults of personality that make them more than a machine, and less than a person, and if the cast before generally despised them but not to the extent they despised Bison, now most characters outright pity them, as a thing living past expiration date that shouldn't be alive at all.

And because of all of this, in a way, Seth has attained a form of uniqueness. Even among the other villains and tragic characters of Street Fighter, Seth stands unique as a truly tragic, doomed villain, not even really a villain anymore so much as an obtuse, sad disaster. They are maybe Bison's greatest victim now, because even the Dolls (sans Marz) are all getting moderately happy endings, even Cammy and Abel and the Neo Shadaloo goobers got to make new lives for themselves, even Nash got to die by their terms and make his sacrifice count. Seth had nothing besides this. Seth was created for, born into, lived by, and died as an extension of Bison's evil, a tiny little bump in Shadaloo history, a piece of junk that Juri used and broke and tossed aside to resume her miserable life afterwards, and all their revival did was prolong the horror. Just one among endless horrors JP leaves behind when he's through with them.

We have yet to know what became of them after SFV, because many stories from SFV have been dropped or left incomplete in 6 (and many probably for the better), but even though Seth really was a villain and a horrible enemy to all of humanity, you kinda wind up feeling sorry enough for them to almost wish that their SFV ending happened, where they destroy Bison and ascend over their other selves, and still the question of whether they could ever be at peace lingers. This ending just fascinates me to no end, and it makes me think of the quotes that Gouken had to say to them that alone stood as an indication that Seth could be more than they appeared and insisted on being:

"Until you acknowledge the soul within, you cannot use your power for good."

"You seek individuality and identity, but you will not find it this way."

(JP win quote) "Look, you don't have to use your powers to express who you are."

Until they appear again, that this is the note that Seth as a character goes out on might even imply that this was either their true goal all along, or that Seth has genuinely progressed as a person enough to want something new. That they are now able to seek or at least aspire for peace of mind, where as before there was only a desire for conquest and power, to show the world that Bison was a ghost and that they were the king, the ruler, the greatest fighter of all. Seth constantly expressed disgust and hatred at their other variants, killing them and flying into a murderous rage at being referred to by their number, even expressing in IV a desire to "be the sole survivor of this world" presumably with everything else as data within themselves. Here, they appear before the other Seths in a pose of ascended godhood, even seemingly benevolent, like they're ready to bring their siblings along.

The spiritual elements of their design no longer appear as a corrupt imitation, but an indicator of genuine spirituality. That Gouken was right, that there really was a soul in Seth waiting to be acknowledged, that the exorcism of the great evil that once defined them has allowed at last a pursuit of individuality and identity and self-expression, to reconcile their hatred of themselves (which manifested as a hatred of the other numbered Seths). It's such a fascinating development that it almost, almost makes me wish Street Fighter would dip it's toes a little into multiverse territory, much as I hate the superhero-ification of the series in V. I have thoughts on how MK1 handled this and very mixed ones at that, but the canonization of "every character ending from past arcade modes can have happened in separate universes and we can have it cross over whenever we feel like it" is an idea I do like, if nothing else this ascended development for Seth just seems like too potent an idea to never touch on again.

I used to not like Seth, really. They used to be one of my less favorite characters. Now I'd call them one of my favorites, and I'm just feeling horribly sorry for them. I need to know what became of them. Whether they'll still come back for one last torturous round of existence, whether they are heading for some other exciting new development, or whether the very next second after the end of their V story, they simply ended with one of their victory quotes:

"A SERIOUS ERROR HAS OCCURRED."

"A SERIOUS ERROR HAS OCCURRED."

"A SERIOUS ERROR HAS OCCURRED."

"A SERIOUS ERROR HAS OCCURRED."

[lonelyroommp3]

u dont have to answer this but i was wondering if u could elaborate on ur opinions about rpf -- bc i kind of agree with you that it's like, it's fine and it's not morally wrong or anything but it def is a little weird? idk ive never been able to rly explain my feelings about it so im curious what u think

honestly my main view on rpf (whether of the y/n self insert variety or the gay shipping variety) is it's literally fine as long as you're not putting it anywhere the people involved are going to see it. like when you boil rpf down to its bare essentials it is just fantasising about a famous person (or multiple famous people, in varying combinations), which is something human beings have been doing in their brains since people first started becoming famous. and i think expressing those fantasies through creative outlets like fic, art, 2013 polyvore outfit boards about going on a yacht trip with harry styles, etc is an entirely natural progression of that impulse

and in that way i sort of view it as similar to any other fantasy you might have about another human being: it is totally normal and essentially morally neutral, i hope you'd agree, to daydream about a person you fancy, whether those daydreams are PG-13 or heinously X-rated, whether they're a friend or acquaintance or stranger or celebrity. where it would become weird is if you went up to said person completely uninvited and said "hey, would you like to hear in elaborate detail about the things i thought about you doing to me while i was masturbating last night?" - and so i think the same applies to rpf. like obviously don't send your rpf to the person in question, don't show up with BLINK TWICE IF THE BABY IS FAKE signs to a louis tomlinson concert, archive lock your rpf on ao3, don't proudly post about it on websites that the people in question are active on especially in this age of algorithm-based social media where unless you lock your account you have no real surefire way of ensuring they'll never see it, etc etc. every time i see people talk shipping in the comments of an official f1 post a part of my soul dies

i think another big thing about rpf to me is that all celebrities are essentially playing a fictionalised version of themselves. no matter how authentic they seem to their fanbase, when you combine things like media training + PR/marketing obligations + building a Persona + the pressure of competing in a sport (for athletes) + the level of code switching inherent to being in what is essentially a public facing job, we as fans & observers are not seeing the real harry styles or taylor swift or charles leclerc or whoever else. we are seeing the version of that person that they want us to see (or, in the case of historical rpf, you're writing about a ghost reconstructed from fragments distorted through the lens of missing evidence, potentially biased historians, potentially even more biased first and third party accounts, etc), and so i don't really view rpf as inherently invasive because you're not really writing about the real person, moreso the constructed image of Celebrity Of Choice.

of course, that is not to say that rpf can never become invasive: the clearest example would be ship truthers harassing the people involved due to what they perceive as "evidence" of some great forbidden love story, but i'll be real there is a lot of F1 rpf specifically that i side eye from a distance because of how it will use drivers' intensely personal real life trauma as a plot point, which is a line i'm not really comfortable crossing with real living people, especially not when it comes to dangerous sports lmao. but i think that is an issue with some rpf enjoyers' boundaries and not an inescapable root problem with the very idea of rpf imo

[sickknotdoom]

i love sparklecare ( i really do ) but i don't understand the cometcare au at all and i don't get its hype. the designs look SO rushed ( like it was put together in a 10 minute art challenge ) and is it just me or. is the art style progressively getting worse ( for both sparklecare and cometcare ). i hate how random cometcare is too, i tried reading it and my brain got so fried. i had no idea what was happening. i loved cometcare at first, it was cool when it was JUST pollarrydoomi then they threw in these random ass characters and went "oh yeah. ur dating and have a child." ???? especially with hemera, the only (?) aroace character, why is she with caroline and why does she have a kid. adding hemera and miley into the mix was SUCH a bad idea. also. caroline x doom???? carruni s/x canon ( even though uni is aegosexual/asexual ... ) cometcare had so much potential and it all went down the drain by adding 10 thousand nearsiblings

FORGIVE ME FOR HOW LONG THIS RESPONSE IS

ive been saying exactly this ever since i found out about the cometcare au. literally everybody has a million children with everyone else and im like. why.

this may be a controversial opinion but i am not a fan of carroom (caroline x doom) in the slightest, since caroline is literally shown to hate doom in the main comic. literally all of their interactions involve caroline insulting doom, not to mention the earlier half of volume three.

i know enemies to lovers is a thing but if somebody chucked a full bucket of puke on my head, and then gave my sister this Judgemental Ass Look for offering to clean it up, i would honestly Kill Them. regardless of if they secretly had a crush on me or i secretly had a crush on them or whatever. you cannot convince me these two dont fucking hate eachother.

also i mean this in the most respectful way possible but i feel like theyre sorta erasing carolines sexuality with this? i may be attracted exclusively to men, but allow me to speak for a bit.

i am not at all trying to invalidate dooms agender identity, but. speaking as someone whos agender myself. i look exactly like a cis man. i am assigned male at birth, my testosterone is absolutely thriving since im going through puberty, i look like a man and i have zero intent to ever change that. if someone was NOT attracted to men, they would NOT be attracted to me, regardless of me actually being agender. especially not if i Tortured And Murdered Their Friends.

this isnt invalidating dooms gender identity nor is it invalidating mine, im definitely into something here. as someone whos gay (nblm) i wouldnt instantly develop a crush on lizzo if she came out as agender, especially not after the fucked up shit she did. now apply this to carroom, and miloom (miley x doom). but mainly carroom.

i understand carruni since unis a closeted trans woman, but thats different from carroom in a lot of ways. it would make sense for uni to not alter her gender expression as long as shes in the closet, since she isnt ready to explain to anyone else what she really is to anybody else. caroline and uni have an extremely deep bond too, so ofcourse shed come out to caroline first, and ofcourse theyd develop crushes on eachother. in the future (going off of au's and such), when uni is out of the closet, she is shown to present as her authentic self, and she. does a really good job at it. shes fucking gorgeous in cometcare. so it makes sense for caroline to be attracted to her.

and also uni isnt a serial killer. caroline seems to really dislike serial killers to the point where shed throw full buckets of vomit on them, which is. reasonable.

however again, unis aegosexual (if i recall correctly, uni and hemera are the only characters confirmed to be on the asexual spectrum as of volume four, not including characters that havent appeared yet) so it feels wrong to explicitly sexualize her regardless, especially if the clowns are "uncomfortable" with fans doing the same.

while were on this topic, agreed. hemera (the only aroace character in the entire sparklecare universe so far, including au's last time i checked) has like four other partners in cometcare. i dont think thats a very good idea considering they made it a point to explicitly point out her being aromantic in volume two.

and yeah, the artstyle has been very clearly degrading, i have another post about that.

how the fuck do i end this

[zarvasace]

It All Began

Four Swords sci-fi prequel AU is up! Or, the first of 5 parts, anyway. I have most of it written, and a lot of motivation, so the rest is on its way. This first part is light on plot, since I didn't know how involved and dramatic the rest of it would get when I began writing.

3k so far, rated Teen, shipless (except for manga levels of Vidow, so just leaning), a few lil content warnings for descriptions of suffocation and some blood so far.

Find it on AO3 here!

---

Link… was supposed to be doing something. Wasn't he? He had a job to do, and he was good at it, of course, he'd get it done just fine. He just couldn't remember what exactly he was supposed to be doing. 

Or why he laid on the floor. With a groan, Link peeled his cheek up off of the hard, chilled surface. His arms shook. His head pounded. The last thing he remembered was—

Why, little old me? I'm you.

Something out of sight beeped. Link opened his eyes just a slit, wary of the bright light boring into his skull, only to see a lot of nothing. He sat on a plain gray floor with mirrors surrounding him on six planes, mirrors that extended up to the ceiling. 

He looked awful. 

Darkness clung to his eyes and leaked to the wrinkles beneath them. Sleep had plastered his hair straight up on one side. A bright red spot marred his neck where he remembered something pricking him… sedative or something, it had to be. The inside of his left elbow was bruised, too, the telltale sign of a blood draw, or another injection. 

He scowled at his reflection, anger and shame welling up in him. He prided himself on his skills, so why had he gone down so easily to some overconfident agent of… something… 

Hold on, he knew this room. He'd been on the other side of those mirrors before. What was Sorcerer Enterprises doing, kidnapping him? Link didn't let the sudden burst of fear show on his face. They must have figured out that he'd only accepted the employment offer to get inside the company and figure out where they were keeping Zelda.

They knew he was a traitor. 

Link pushed himself to his feet and ignored the short burst of dizziness that followed. He turned around, looking for the door he knew was there, but it was shut tight, no handles on this side. Curses scrolled through his head as his mind flew in a dozen different directions, looking for a solution. 

He heard another soft beep. He didn't see any electronics, but he did see a vent near the top of the mirrors. The slats turned, and some sort of gas seeped into the cell. He could see it, just faintly, a dark blue cloud that fell from the vent and began to pool around his feet. 

Heart pounding in time with his head, Link held the sleeve of his dark undershirt up to his mouth and nose. He didn't know what he expected it to do. He backed up, but his shoulders hit the mirror behind him. The gas level rose to his knees, and then to his waist. His vision already swam. 

Was he glowing? Why was he generating light? He was pure Hylian, he didn't have bioluminescence. It could have been the drugs. The gas got into his mouth despite the undershirt and filled his lungs. He could taste the chemicals, and found that he didn't recognize the smell. 

When Link shut his eyes against the growing light, two small, hot tears traced their way down his cheeks. He was so lost. He could only imagine that whatever this was, it was malicious. 

It couldn't have come at a worse time! He knew where Zelda was! He'd been putting plans into place to rescue her! And now… 

And now…

The light absorbed him, and Link was no more.

Water

Scowling, Blue picked at the hinge, knowing it wouldn't budge but not willing to just not try. He wiggled the edge of his fingernail into one of the seams, but didn't have the leverage or strength to lever the whole door up. He huffed and went back to pacing, dragging the wheeled IV pole behind him. 

As it turned out, the law of conservation of mass applied even to odd situations like theirs. Splitting one person into four meant that each ended up with a quarter of the mass and nutrition. They'd gained a lot of weight back in the two weeks since, but Blue was ready to be done with the IVs already. 

It didn't help that he was the only one of the four of them still on IVs twenty-four hours a day. No matter how much water he drank, his reports still always came back saying he was dehydrated. He glared down at the catheter stuck in the poor, bruised vein in the back of his hand. Maybe he could try harder to not jostle it. 

"Blue, nothing good will come of you working yourself up," Green said from where he sat pressed up against Vio's back. "You're tired… Rest."

"Nothing at all will come of me working myself up!" Blue snapped back, taking the opportunity to release some of his tension with an argument. "They're going to separate us and there's nothing I can do about it!" 

"What do you hope to get out of…" Green began with a frown. He lost his breath between words and had to pause to suck in more air. That happened a lot. "...yelling at me?" 

Blue paced a little faster. He wouldn’t get an argument out of him, apparently. "I don't know! You're the one with ideas! All I have is a stupid screw!" He almost bumped into the wall, but spun around and started going the other direction, IV stand rattling after him. 

He'd combed the small, closed cell several times, looking for anything to help. The only thing he'd found was a singular screw, pulled out of one of the cots at the cost of a few bloodied fingers. They'd pushed two of the other cots together and avoided the one Blue had vandalized, to avoid the damaged cot collapsing and betraying his weapon.

If you could even call it a weapon. Blue wouldn’t, normally, but he didn’t have anything else. 

"And we'll need it," Green said. "But not now… We need to lay low… we'll be back together soon enough, and… we'll need to… get to Zelda." He was getting worked up, himself, now, losing breath faster than he could take it in.

"Come on, Blue," Red said, squishing farther into Vio to make room on the cot they all sat on. "We only have a few hours left."

Blue scowled at him, but after a few seconds, he gave in. He dragged the IV stand over and and sat on the end of the cot next to Red, pulling his bare feet up to dig his toes into the thin gray pad. Red immediately laid his head on Blue's shoulder, since his arms were pulled into his plain gray shirt to conserve heat. Blue rolled his eyes, but adjusted to make the position more comfortable. And, hopefully, it might give Red a bit more warmth, and calm his shivering. Blue played the jerk, but only because someone had to. 

Vio spoke a few moments later from his spot squished between Red and Green. "Just remember that we aren't as trapped as we feel. We can endure a few days apart, gather information, and then we can rescue Zelda. And ourselves."

"We should act sooner rather than later," Blue argued. "Information can only do us so much good."

Green made a noise of agreement. "We can make an… adaptable plan." 

"Don't do anything stupid without me, guys," Red said, sounding dangerously close to crying again. "I wanna see you again." 

 "Don't worry about me…" Green said with an audible smile. "Worry about Blue." 

"Hey!"

Red giggled and pressed his forehead into Blue's shoulder, shivering. "I'm not worried."

Earth

Vio stayed still, his arms wrapped around his knees and held as tight to his chest as he could manage. He stared at the door. 

Familiar, unwelcome guards had come already for Blue, then Green, then Red, leaving Vio alone in a room much too large. Part of him was glad to be alone. The others were so loud, always talking and fighting and rarely doing anything productive. They talked over him, didn’t listen, and ignored his suggestions. It was tiring… and yet, he missed them. They filled the room in a way he never could. 

The pad on the other side of the door beeped in recognition of a passcode, and Vio refocused. He watched the door slide part of the way open, then frowned in confusion when a uniformed guard did not enter. 

It was the shadow—the one who'd jumped Link, stabbed him with sedative, then presumably dragged him here.

He wore a black uniform jacket marked with the Sorcerer Enterprises logo, a red eye with jagged wings, but hadn't buttoned it up, and his purple hair was sort of a mess. His necklace’s pendant pulsed softly with cyan force energy, a piece of technology Vio didn’t recognize. 

His appearance wasn't anywhere near regulation, which meant he wasn't a normal agent. Judging from his black sclera and fanged grin, he definitely wasn't Hylian, either. 

"Hey. Violet, right?" the shadow said, leaning against the door to shut it. 

"Vio."

"Vio. Yeah, that's better. Lonely?" 

Vio frowned. "Not lonely enough to want you for company. You kidnapped me. What are you doing here?"

"Stuff." The shadow waved his hand, and in the dim light, his red eyes flashed. "I wanted to say hi before they took you away, and sorry about the kidnapping. You're my kind of person, I think, I just want to talk."

"Really." Vio looked at the shadow a little harder. The shadow fiddled with his dark nails as if nervous, though his smile did all it could to be friendly. 

The shadow nodded with that smile he clearly thought was disarming. "Really. The others… they're fine, I guess. They do , they don't think. But you? You're smart."

Vio kept his expression stony. He was… trying to get on Vio's good side. Interesting. 

"I know they don't value you. Not really. They don't listen, do they?" The shadow walked closer, but stopped when Vio narrowed his eyes. "I'll listen."

"To what?" Vio asked.

The shadow's smile widened, then softened. "To anything you have to say. I know what it's like to be overlooked… ignored… forgotten… pitied…" Each word accompanied a step forward. It wasn't a big room. "I think we could be friends. You know, if we were friends, you could get out of here. I know you did missions before, you could do them again. With me." 

He stood right next to the cot now, and Vio looked up at him. Vio saw a practical opportunity here, though he wasn't as confident as the shadow that his plan would work. However, he also saw a brief flash of something in those eyes behind the deception, something desperately hopeful and intensely fragile. 

"Who are you?" Vio asked, not breaking eye contact. 

"Call me Shadow. I'm more like you than you think." He offered his hand out to Vio. 

"...the others would never listen to me anyway," Vio said quietly, and he only meant those words a little bit. He smiled a little back at Shadow, and unwrapped his arms to take the hand.

Air

Though he didn't exactly relish being taken away from the others, Green took the opportunity to scout out the area directly around their cell. He kept his head down, but glanced down the corridors he passed and tried to take mental notes of everything from uniforms to where they stored their force capsules. He had memories of studying this prison ship, trying to find Zelda, but practical experience usually helped. 

Paying attention got harder the farther along they went. 

The guards at his back kept pushing him forward at a steady pace, though Green felt like they kept moving faster and faster. His focus soon funneled away from his surroundings to his feet and his breath, which had begun to come short again. 

He tried taking deeper breaths, but that didn't exactly fix the problem. His chest wouldn't expand enough, and despite his trying, the edges of his vision began to go dark. At that point, having his hands tied behind his back wasn't even an issue. 

"Slow down," Green gasped, but it felt like the guards just increased their speed. He tried to keep up. Before long, the guards did more dragging than pushing, and Green barely felt them move to lay him down somewhere. 

How pathetic. He couldn't even walk without losing his breath and almost passing out. 

Now that nobody expected Green to move, he tried to get breath back into his lungs and oxygen back into his extremities. The air just was too thin. He was breathing, but not getting anything out of it. He saw blobs and flats of color, nothing clear, everything wavering. 

For a moment, he thought he caught a flash of orange hair and a freckled face that turned to him with wide eyes. 

"Zelda?" he said, or tried to. Her name came out more as an exhalation than a word. 

"Link! No, Green, isn't it?" Her eyes opened wide, and her freckles stood out against suddenly pale skin. He wanted to tell her that it was all right, that he'd be there for her soon, but his mouth moved without sound. 

"It's okay," she said. Funny. That's what he'd tried to say to her. "Breathe, Link, can you do that? Breathe!" 

He was trying. 

Thankfully, things became much easier when something cold descended over his nose and mouth, almost giving him too much air. The vision of Zelda faded as Green got control of his lungs again. He took a few stuttering breaths before they slowly evened out. 

When he opened his eyes again, it was to a headache, a pounding heart, and yet another blood draw. No Zelda. No friendly faces. Just masks and needles and the embroidered red eyes of Sorcerer Enterprises staring him down. 

At least they figured out that he needed an air filter.

Fire

When Red returned to the cell, several days later, it was to find Blue sitting on the cot, this time without the IV stand looming over him. Red stumbled from the way the guards pushed him through the door, but he managed to regain his balance before falling. His head hurt, both inside and outside. 

"Blue!" he said, standing straight. "You're back already."

"Red. So are you." Blue didn't stand up, just kept sitting. Was he… was he shivering, now? Red couldn't stop himself from rushing over. 

 "You seem okay," Blue said, watching him approach. 

"I am. But you first." Red hopped up onto the cot. He inched closer, and the lack of argument or pushback from Blue worried him. 

Blue huffed, but let Red move up next to him. He was freezing, even more than Red was. Red didn't push it, but he did lean into him as Blue spoke quickly, as if to get it out of the way.  "I was just gone for a night. They ran some tests, made me drink so much water I got sick, and froze me half to death and back. I'm better, it's fine. I've been worried."

"They what?" Red put an arm around Blue, who actually leaned into it. His stomach knotted up at the thought of Blue hurting like that—any of them hurting, really, but it was Blue sitting in front of him now, in need of warmth and contact, and willing to take it. 

Blue turned his head away. "I said I'm fine. I'll get over it. Let's not talk about it. What happened on your side?"

Red wouldn't forget, but he let the subject drop for now. "I… might have accidentally started a fire."

"Accidentally?!" Blue looked back over.

"Look, if they didn't want me to play with the sparker, they shouldn't have left it in my reach!" Red protested. He pulled his arm back in and wedged it under his knee. "It's not my fault that these mattresses are so flammable."

Though he rolled his eyes, Blue had the smallest of smiles on his face. 

Encouraged, Red continued. "I spread it on purpose, though. It was just so warm. And it did a lot of damage! I almost thought I might burn my way right to you guys, or to Zelda, maybe. Unfortunately, they had fire suppression that worked pretty fast." He lifted his free hand to touch the back of his skull, still tender.

Blue followed the movement. His smile dropped, and he pushed Red off of him to turn him around. "Red? What in the name of the stars is that?" His fingers pushed aside Red's hair, pulling back a little when Red made a pained noise. "Is that an implant? At the top of your spine?" 

"I'm still cold," Red said after a moment, letting Blue look at it, "but I don't feel like I am anymore. So… that's a bonus. Besides, it's not like nervous system implants are harmful, you just have to be careful with them." 

With a frustrated noise, Blue let him go. "They didn't even ask you though, did they? I'm going to punch someone."

"Hopefully not me." Red wiggled back into place, hopefully warming up Blue just a little. "No sign of the others yet, huh?" 

"No. But maybe now that you're back, they'll get here quickly. You're exhausting on your own."

"So are you," Red teased right back. He could almost hear Blue’s exasperation. "So what do we do now?"

Blue shrugged. "Sit here. Try not to freeze. Um… we could look for another screw? Couldn't hurt to have more than one."

"Sounds good to me. Where do we start?"

[mothcpu]

answering asks ⬇️

(person who asked about automation I'm putting your answer at the bottom because I wrote too long)

thank you!!! color is one of my favorite things to mess around with, I'm allergic to low saturation at this point

hehe :) I'll get around to posting it at some point but in the meantime heres the full as a treat (the small size isnt compression I just painted it on a canvas for ants)

absolutely, it's one of my favorite pieces of web fiction! been planning to reread it (and 20020) after I finish Crow Cillers [huge tangent about good webcomics/web fiction removed]

TLDR its going good! I mean it's college, I'm tired as hell and my brain is melting but it's going well considering :) here are a shit ton of words that may or may not be useful I might have a better answer for you in a few months; I've got a few weeks until I start my internship, but I can tell you a bit about my college experience and what I've learned from the ass load of interviews I've been doing with companies lately:

YMMV with different colleges but in my experience the first year is mostly electronics classes (analog and digital) as well as an intro to robot and PLC (programmable logic controller) programming and some other things. genuinely the hardest thing you will do is applied algebra. starting summer of the second year I started work on a group capstone project, using a group of robots to assemble prefabricated parts. this involves a fuck ton of preliminary programming and wiring that I won't get into, it's a huge project that applies everything you learn in the first year. that being said it is... pretty fun? or at least rewarding IN SUMMARY, lots of math, lots of wiring, it looks complicated at face value but you get taught everything from the ground up. I'm personally enjoying it a lot, even if it's difficult at times.

bullet list of info about working info, from what I've gathered from company interviews. I primarily interviewed with packaging system companies, for reference

they'll give you a month or two to shadow someone and learn the ropes. once they let you go on your "own", you'll probably be working on wiring up panels (emergency stop systems, etc).

after working for a while, if you're interested in working in another area (such as programming), they'll very likely let you move to that subregion. either way youll probably be working on the same thing for a week or two

travel REALLY depends on the company. some companies you'll work away from home up to 50% (to install machines, etc), but at some you won't travel at all. you can also get a job as a field tech and work away from home even MORE

starting wage is somewhere around 50-60k a year afaik, but that really depends on area, everywhere Ive checked has standard insurance such as health/dental/life

can't think of much else off the top of my head, feel free to lmk if you have any other questions! I wish you luck :salute:

[studyari]

march update

it’s officially midterms time. i thought i would post an update becuase this semester has took SO much out of me. i finished my internship funded by the national science foundation in january, can’t say i made too many ties there since i hardly saw my superiors. BUT i did get to know the metrology lab pretty well and even got their machine working. going into it i did NOT imagine i could accomplish that but i felt so good getting it working! i even made a little overturn training manual and gave it over to them. 

okay so starting this semester i am in my gateway courses. so a bunch of physics courses at one time ugh plus i was taking differential and linear algebra. i got so stressed out with the workload that i had a dream where i crashed into a forest and the airbags went off lol. that same morning i dropped my lab and differential equations. it was just WAYYY too much for me. 

i’m still a full time student so it was clear i was doing too much. hmm okay so i’m in my gateway courses so mathematical physics, classical mechanics, and modern physics. i knew i was going to struggle with classical mechanics because kinematics alone was hard for me to grasp and it’s basically dynamics. i didn’t apply as an engineering major literally because i didn’t want to take dynamics LOL i struggled in statics. Of course im taking the same class just named something else and a lot harder T_T. i also wanted to get some undergrad research experience and work in an electronic materials lab but yeah i’m just tooooo busy it was a good idea though lmao.

okay but honestly mechanics is the hardest class for me, modern physics is my most interesting class, and mathematical isn’t too bad even though i suck at math because our teacher grades us mostly on completion and work shown. the hardest thing about this semester is just the schedule itself. so we have to take all three at the same time for some reason or you wouldn’t be able to register for the class ummm overkill much?! and the schedule is from 10am - 7:30 pm ughhhh. I have to take the bus there so add on a couple hours and then i have to walk to class. ohhh i miss the online/hybrid classes so much lol. by the time i’m in my last class i am literally asleep. don’t worry ive started drinking coffee.

looking on the brighter sides of things i’m being a lot more involved in campus and i’m really liking getting to know my classmates! i am so antisocial and awkward so im surprised. i’ve been going to the women in stem meetings, society of astronomy, nsbe coding workshops, ieee circuits workshops, career fairs, and boba socials just for funsies. i realize school isnt all about good grades and killing yourself for that A. i’ve even had more time to spend with my friends (it is so true what they say about making time not having it lol). almost every other weekend we see each other and have little celebrations, watch movies, have study dates, go to the park, get coffee/boba, go shopping etc. and facetiming my friends back in arizona as well! one of my club advisors told me its actually the b and c students that do better in the job market and isnt that freaking crazy! ever since then ive been reminding myself that being perfect and getting a’s isnt always worth it. i have other life to live too and people wont necessarily fault me for that.

okay as for my grades though i have been bombing every single quiz like a 50 or LESS LMAO. that’s with me studying at least a whole day before. however as of now i have passed every exam so far. so my current grades right now are 90% in modern physics, 98% mathematical physics, 100% classical mechanics (but a lot f the grades arent in yet), and a 99% in linear algebra. See and thats me not killing myself this semester so im super happy i decided to not overdo it, it really doesnt make as much as a difference as i thought lmao clearly.

looking forward to spring break! i was in therapy/behavioral health all last year trying to tackle my anxiety and i would say its been helping. its all about making a choice. i’m also in physical therapy now for the next couple of months and then once summer starts i’ll start going back to therapy again. this post might seem positive but this semester i have never felt more unmotivated or stupid. some days i feel like i cant do this and that everyone else around me is so much more capable. but i know as soon as i give into those thoughts that i’ll end up giving up and i don't want to give up. my boyfriend also has been feeling the same way. 

i also lost my wallet this week soooo all my documentation and identification is gone ugh. i had a full on breakdown but am getting that figured out. i’m going to an applications of black holes seminar tomorrow and i am super excited about that. took my linear algebra exam today too, (WHY IS THAT CLASS SO HARD BTW). i havent yet applied but theres this summer research opportunity happening at the university of toronto (dunlap institute of physics and astrophysics) and i think im going to apply! i really want to travel this year and experience something new!

[hella1975]

I just applied for a breakfast waitress position in a hotel do you have any tips if they accept me oh great hella

omg im so excited for this ask yes i DO have tips anonstie i have so much to tell you hi im hella ive been doing different waitressing jobs since i was sixteen here's what i know:

your first 3 weeks/month are the golden time. im being so serious when i say ask ANY question you have. you will have stupid questions. you will panic about which way a tap gets turned or where a plate goes. you will feel like a tit. ask anyway. in this time NOTHING you do can get too harshly judged bc you're the 'new person' and it stays that way for a good 3 weeks SO ASK AWAY. a month is pushing it but honestly rather ask in the first month than fudge it yourself and make a mess

dont try and carry three plates straight away. just.... dont

you will drop things. you WILL break things. i promise you they're not going to fire you

you will have some of the most outragously awkward encounters with customers. this is probably their fault (they told a bad joke, they dont look at you when they talk, they're generally an asshole) BUT sometimes it'll be your fault. the other day my mate was serving this old bloke and he said he was just waiting for his wife because she was 'out partying', to which my mate laughed thinking he was telling a joke. it was only when she walked away that she realised he said 'parking' and she laughed really hard at it for seemingly no reason and she literally had to go to the office and put her head in her hands. she's been waitressing there for two years

speaking of other staff. god. omg. okay. yes, all chefs are that much of an asshole it's not just yours. no, age-gaps are not frowned upon in the catering industry. yes, everyone is shagging each other all of the time. good luck

dont slag any of the other staff off until the first month is over. even if that staff member is the designated victim of everyone's abuse, just dont join in yet. the last thing you want is to join in on harmless bitching bc you think it'll appeal you to the staff just to find out you've gotten involved in some deep-seated years-long politics. also it's just respectful. you're new at the end of the day and you dont really earn a right to an opinion on anyone until youve been there a while lol

bring food to work with you. worst case scenario it sits in your bag untouched bc you dont get hungry. best case scenario you're on your feet for a 10 hour shift with no progress on your staff meal and suddenly that tesco egg and cress sandwich you packed looks a lot like god

also drink water!!!!!! literally no one acknowledges how fucking hard waitressing is but you are ON YOUR FEET FOR HOURS moving the entire length of the restaurant usually carrying shit AND dealing with the social drain of constant interaction. you need to take care of yourself

dont write down verbatim what the customer ordered unless you can write very very quickly. you'll get used to your own shorthand bc FUCK KNOWS customers cant seem to recognise what it looks like when someone is clearly still writing and they tend to just KEEP FUCKING TALKING

that's another thing. never underestimate how stupid and/or rude people can be. you're going to experience levels of ridiculous unbenownest to you until now. you are going to hear shit come out of people's mouths that you thought humanity had evolved past centuries ago. get that poker face down

it's okay if it gets to you. there's going to be shit days where every customer you speak to tears a strip off you and it's fucking DRAINING. im lucky bc i genuinely dont view customers as other human beings so literally nothing they say to me even resonates, but other people get upset and need to cry. that's okay. everyone has terrible days. it's a natural reaction to people being rude to you so just remember it's a VERY impersonal industry. you'll make mistakes that you're convinced will make people (either customers or other staff) hate you but honestly? it'll be forgotten about the next day

know from the start what shifts you're willing to do AND MAKE YOUR MANAGER AWARE OF IT. are you part-time? if so, specify how many days MAXIMUM you're willing to work a week. can you work sundays? say so if you can't. if you say all of this stuff repeatedly from the beginning then when the day inevitably comes that you've been put on rota five days in a row or they've stuck you on a sunday regardless of buses, you can shrug your shoulders without any guilt and turn it down

clean up after yourself. dont see yourself as above any jobs. polish the cutlery when it needs doing (this is your friend). clean up the coffee counter. your employer - especially when your new - wants to see INITIATIVE, not just an ability to follows instructions. when there's nothing to do and you've done what you were told, FIND SOMETHING TO DO. if you cant think of anything (though dw the longer you're there the more familiar you'll become with the little jobs), then ask another waitress or your manager if you can help with anything. it makes you look eager and on the ball

there's a hierarchy in the catering industry and it can get nasty. for example, barback and kitchen porter are seen as really unprestigious roles and as a result a lot of the staff are really horrible to them. dont fucking do that. waitresses have a really awful reputation for this kind of bitchiness and it's not nice. your job isnt superior. dont just dump your plates with the kp when there's food still on them. talk to the barback instead of just handing them your empty glasses without even acknowleding them. youd think this was all a given but it really really isnt

try get in with the chefs. typically their egos are really fragile but that can work in your favour. even if you just get on well with ONE chef, the kitchen staff are usually quite loyal to each other so that'll get you in with the rest of them. it just makes your day easier bc you can relax with them more, so checking your orders and getting yourself food isnt a faff

learn the menu as quick as possible. a good place will give you some sort of food-orientated role at first for exactly this reason (e.g one of my first ever shifts i did 10 hours JUST on the food passe. i wanted to die but in a single shift i knew that menu like the back of my hand and it makes life soooo much easier). still, you'll trip up a lot at first when customers ask the dreaded 'do the fishcakes come with _____' and you dont know the answer. smiling sweetly and going 'oh im not sure actually, i'll just go ask someone for you :)' is your best friend. to this day i still say this (though that's for drinks bc im HOPELESS at remembering what we have on tap)

have fun! it sounds dumb but if you like where you're working then waitressing can honestly be such a laugh. it's a job that has a real solidarity aspect to it and it bonds people. dont deep anything and just enjoy yourself <3

[ak47stylegirl]

Doctors Appointment: Chapter 3

Okay guys, here’s the third chapter! I hope you guys enjoy this!!! 😁💙

First two chapters. 

@janetm74 @dragonoffantasyandreality @katblu42 @cg29 @alexthefly @inertplanetary ----

Scott stood with his arms crossed, watching with a worried frown as Alan’s doctor, Dr David, examined his baby brother. At this moment, Dr David was examining Alan’s joints, mainly his arms and legs. 

Alan’s eyes glanced over at Scott.

“Okay, tell me if any of this hurts, okay?” Dr David began to put pressure on Alan’s unbraced leg joints, feeling around with his fingers. 

Alan’s face was scrunched up in discomfort, slightly flinching each time pressure was applied to his limbs.

But then Dr David put pressure on Alan’s ankle joint-

“Ow! Ow!” Alan wailed from where he laid on the bed, tears gathering in his eyes. “Ow! That hurts! Stop!”

Dr David instantly took the pressure off, frowning as he gently examined them further. At the same time, Scott had rushed over to Alan’s side. 

“Shhh, it’s alright….” Scott whispered, brushing his fingers through Alan’s soft blond hair. “It’s alright….” 

Alan whimpered, pouting up at Scott in disagreement. 

Scott’s eyes saddened immensely at the sight, tilting his head slightly in sympathy. Oh, my poor little one…

You never should’ve had to deal with this...

Dr David sighed heavily, catching Scott’s attention in a snap. Scott’s stomach flipped at the deep frown on the doctor’s face as he typed his notes into his tablet. 

Alan’s joints have gotten worse, haven’t they?! 

Oh no, please no! 

Alan struggled enough.

Please...no...

“Well, unfortunately, I can’t see much improvement from last time…” Dr David explained sadly, placing his tablet back down, “There is some stiffness in Alan’s left knee, but overall not much has changed….” 

Scott let loose a sigh of relief, his shoulders dropping. While no improvement wasn’t good, it was better than the other option. 

Oh, so, so much better...

Alan blew out a frustrated breath, “Can...Can I sit up now?” Alan mumbled, looking up at the two adults. 

“Yes, of course….” Dr David nodded. 

Alan slowly sat up with Scott’s help, leaning his head heavily against Scott’s side with a weak groan. 

Scott’s eyes creased in sorrow, lips pressed tightly together as he stroked the back of Alan’s head. 

This was only the first part of the appointment, and Alan’s tolerance was already getting paper-thin. 

It didn't bode well…

Especially seeing as Alan’s appointment was actually multiple appointments.

First, there was the appointment with Dr David, Alan’s main specialist. The team leader of Alan’s health professionals. They had the main ‘check-up’ with Dr David, who checked all the basic things they needed to watch.

After that, Alan was handed over to the pathology lab for tests and scans. That usually took quite a while. 

Alan wasn’t overly fond of some of the tests, to say the least…

But once that was done, Scott and Alan would retire to a private hospital suite for a little break as Alan needed to rest.

Because if Alan didn’t get said nap, there would 100% be a massive meltdown. Like laying on the floor crying his eyes out, refusing to cooperate…

Lots and lots of screaming… 

So yes, Scott very much insisted on that break. 

(Though sometimes, even that didn’t stop the meltdowns from happening…)

The second main appointment of the day was with Dr Suzzy, Alan’s fitness/rehabilitation specialist.

It took place down in the hospital’s rehab gym, where Dr Suzzy would walk through a couple of simple exercises with Alan. Alan actually had a training schedule for home as well, created by both Virgil and Dr Suzzy. 

As their medic, Virgil pulled rank to be the one to help Alan with those exercises. 

Scott tried to help sometimes, but unfortunately, running a business and rescue organisation kept him tied down most of the time...

The guilt plagued him…

Gordon also helped out with those exercises at times, especially if the pool was involved. 

If there were two things that Gordon took deadly seriously, it was pool safety and looking after his only little brother. So you could be damn sure Gordon was going to be there. 

Don’t think you can stop him. He’s a sneaky one, and he bites.

Scott had a faint scar on his arm from a four-year-old Gordon to prove it. (It had happened shortly after mum died, Gordon had been having a bad day… he hadn’t meant it...)

Don’t mess with the Gordo; at times, he’s a cuddly squid and others…

Shark. 

Pure shark.

Anyway, after that appointment, it was onto the final and honestly worst part of the day.

Alan’s treatment. 

It would occur in the same hospital suite as before, with Alan hooked up to an IV containing his medication. It was a slow process, taking an hour or two. Alan typically spent that time cradled up in Scott’s lap, hugging his Thunderbird Three plushie. 

Virgil had gotten it for Alan when he was first diagnosed. 

Scott knew Virgil was tempted to get Alan the Thunderbird Two plushie instead but went with Three as that was Alan’s favourite ship.

Also, that before mentioned Thunderbird Two plushie?

It was sitting pride of place on Virgil’s bed. 

Because-

‘I couldn’t just leave it?! She was looking so sad sitting there!’

While Virgil needing to have the plush version of his bird was understandable, buying the whole store’s supply of plushies was a bit much.

Like seriously, Virg…

Most of those toys got donated to families that couldn’t afford toys or sick children in hospital. 

It ended up being a very good experience for everyone involved…

Virgil had personally gone to the hospitals himself, handing said plushies to the unwell kids himself. 

There were tears…

And the lucky survivors that remained either got a job as an International Rescue’s cuddle operative; tasked with comforting young rescuees.

Or adults, it has definitely happened before... 

And the last few were adopted by Gordon, whose bed was a sea of plushies. 

Scott would never know how Gordon could sleep in that bed…

But it was a pretty adorable sight, he will admit. 

Dr David put his stethoscope in his ears, “Okay, let’s have a little listen to that chest of yours, shall we?” 

The stethoscope was slipped up the back of Alan’s shirt-

“Cold!” Alan squealed, flinching away as the cold metal of the stethoscope touched his skin. “That’s freezing!” 

“Sorry, Alan…” Dr David smiled apologetically. “I’ll warm it up a bit next time, okay?” The stethoscope was placed against Alan’s skin once again.

“Now, deep breath in for me..” 

Alan’s eyes narrowed, a grumpy pout on his face as he took a deep breath. 

Scott sighed wearily, spotting a possible meltdown brewing on the horizon. He didn’t know when it would hit, but Scott knew that it would happen some way or another.

Alan was displaying all the signs…

Dr David moved the stethoscope around a couple of times, each time asking Alan to take a deep breath. By the time the doctor was finished, Alan was slightly out of breath. 

“Well, his heart sounds good, which is always a good thing….” Dr David slipped his stethoscope back around his neck. “But his lungs sound a little wheezy….” 

Scott frowned in concern. 

“Has he been sick in the last week or so?” Dr David asked Scott, once again typing down notes on his tablet. “Cold? Flu?” 

Alan shuttered with a grimace. 

Being completely knocked down with the flu or cold was horrible for anyone. Let alone for someone like Alan, who had a weak immune system…

Scott’s eyes slipped close briefly as he nodded, 

“Yeah…” Scott replied, remembering that week well. “He was unwell with a bad cold about a week and a half ago….” 

It hasn’t been fun... 

“I figured as much,” Dr David remarked, putting his tablet down, “Nothing to be concerned about, as I’m sure Dr Tracy wouldn’t let her grandson out of her care otherwise….”

Scott chuckled in agreement. Grandma was a force to be reckoned with when it came to matters of health. 

And she had a pupil called Virgil. 

“But if it’s not gone by this time next week, I would advise getting it checked….” Dr David suggested as he set up the blood pressure monitor. 

Scott nodded thoughtfully, “Will do….” 

And seeing as they had a doctor in the house, and most of them were trained medics or EMTs, Scott had no doubt that Alan would get the best care possible. 

He would personally make sure of that…

TBC..

[wisteria-lodge]

exploded badger primary + bird secondary

Hi! I love the sorting hat system as a tool for better understanding yourself, and ive narrowed down my primary (exploded badger, but working on it) but Im lost on my secondary. I know the question it answers is "how do you do things" but when I try to write down how I do things it doesn't line up with any of the types. It might be badger or bird? But Ill explain it in more detail and I hope you can help narrow it down more.

So firstly my tactics in emergency situations is to follow the plan I have pre-prepared in my head. If I dont have a plan and dont know what to do I panic Badly (but that has only happened like. Once with a physical problem and a few times with Emotional problems). Like once before the pandemic I was in a train and this elderly man, his leg started bleeding really badly. So I know in these situations you have to 

Call 911

Tend to the wound.

Contact the train driver

 Keep others calm. 

And there was one person in the train who was a nurse so she could tend to the wound, two people stood up to check with the driver on both sides of the train, and this other dude was calling 911 but he didnt know much about trains and I Do so I could help by looking up which train we were in and where & when it would stop next so the ambulance knew where to go. 

I mean... okay. I joke about Bird secondaries always writing in with numbered lists... but come ON. Could this be any more Bird? Could this possibly be any more bird. Even solving the problem with existing knowledge of trains...

I’m a Badger. In a situation like that, I’d be keeping others calm. I’d be keeping the patient calm, and seeing if the nurse needed a second pair of hands. You didn’t even mention the emotional mood in that train car. The inside of your head looks neutral to you, of course it does. But to me it looks so Bird. 

Or this other time when I was Tiny and we had soldering lessons, and the teacher told us if we got injured we had to go to him first. So I burned my hand pretty badly, but didnt panic and went to the teacher, waited until he was done explaining things to another student and then said I burned my hand. And he thought it wasnt serious because I was calm but then he saw my hand and panicked and immediately brought me to the tap for the water. And I knew proper burn protocol.

You probably had a numbered list in your head when you were tiny too.

I could have gone to the water myself and sent someone else to fetch the teacher when my hand was cooling, but that wasnt how I was Supposed to do it so I followed protocol.

That’s probably more a function of your primary than your secondary. You’re an Exploded Badger? As a young Badger you probably followed ALL the rules. 

One time things went badly was when I was sailing with friends, and the wind was blowing pretty strong, and I know Nothing about sailing, and my only job was Sit in the boat and Move to the correct side when turning. But on a big turn water got in the boat, and I didnt understand how much water could get in the boat before it sank, and how diagonal we could go before we drowned, and then I completely shut down and only responded when people explicitly Told Me What To Do because I didnt know what was happening.

Panic responses happen. I’ve been so scared before that suddenly I’m just hiding behind a couch and at no point was conscious thought involved. Not my finest hour, I wish it hadn’t happened that way. But the whole thing is just a much older part of your brain. Nothing to do with your secondary. 

This doesnt mean I cant improvise! I can improvise pretty well, and if I start working on something without a plan it usually turns out great! I just have a lot of Base Knowledge that I can apply to those improvisation situations.

You are the definition of a Rapid-Fire Bird. 

The other question I've seen associated with secondaries is "how do you learn new stuff"? I usually learn stuff by starting to do it, failing, getting frustrated, stopping the thing and taking a break, and when I have calmed down Continuing The Thing until I am done. 

That’s just... an excellent strategy. And I think a Badger secondary would be WAY more tempted to just push though the pain. 

Which is really funny to write down because now I realize that my problem with a lot of my university work is that I started something, failed, and didnt pick it up again until just before the deadline because I was afraid for more failure or that I was too Inherently Flawed to successfully finish the thing, instead of taking a quick break and then Continuing.

That’s the language of an exploded Badger primary. 

Which all leaves me a bit confused about secondaries. The first part seems bird to me since I collect methods and apply them to situations, but the second part more badger since that's the hard work and when you fail work more bit. 

The ability to pick yourself up when you fail is probably more a primary thing, since it’s tied to motivation. 

Or maybe the first part is lion because I have a Plan and I will complete that Plan in the exact same way as I want and if I cannot do that I get unhappy.

See, I think you are so much a Bird, and so loudly a bird, that you conceptualize the other Secondaries as... Bird. Slightly different flavors of Bird maybe, but Bird. You’re comparing the battering ram nature of a Lion secondary to a Bird who wants to go down their checklist, when checklists make Lion secondaries anxious, constricted, and ineffectual. 

Thanks in advance for your time! Your blog is great and really interesting and it's a great way to figure out your own thoughts!

[quietlysomethingalso]

Ive read a lot of your opinions on Jesse and Nacho and I just don't agree with your, it's your opinion and its fine, but I have never found Jesse to be this big moral character. He is just as bad and flawed as Nacho, if not more. I don't think Nacho had to die as away of paying for his crimes (why should Jesse not have died too?) Nacho suffered every bit as much as Jesse and I personally think he deserves more sympathy then Jesse.

Circumstances:

First there is there circumstances. Its true that Nacho "got in with both eyes open", but so did Jesse and I'll argue that Nacho was almost doomed from the start while Jesse was not. Jesse is white and privileged. He comes from a wealthy, two parent home, in a nice neighborhood with parents who care about him. He is lazy and entitled and didn't apply himself in school, does drugs and got into the drug world to make easy money for himself so he can hang out playing video games and doing drugs all day with his friends instead of pursing higher education or a job.

I don't know everything about Nacho's childhood, but what we see gives us a pretty good idea. Nacho is a visible minority. The son of an emigrant, raised by a single parent, his Dad. His mother is presumably dead and has been for some time. His family is not wealthy and struggles. His Dad works hard to support them. There neighborhood looks poor and unsafe. Nacho probably grew up in poverty, most defiantly surrounded by the drug world and had many risk factors white privilege Jesse never had to face. His father even knows the Salamanca name, while Jesse's parents in their nice neighborhood are completely obvious to the drug world. Nacho presumably got caught up in the cartel world very young and while he mentions to his Dad that he's working for the cartel again, as if he could have got out, but didn't, this is likely a lie. He probably could never get out and was just lying to his father to spare him. He made a mistake and got in over his head, so did Jesse, but Nacho had a lot more risk factors while Jesse had everything going for him.

Motive/Relationships:

Nacho most likely had better motive then Jesse too. We see him spending his off time from the cartel working in his Dad's shop. I think it's safe to assume that Nacho was using some of his money to help his fathers business. He mentions his Aunt and mothers family in one episode, implying that his Father helps them out, his family really needs the money and this would be a big motivation to a poor kid to join the cartel. Nacho's family is really important to him, he does not seem to want money just for himself. In the begging of the series he drives a crummy van and still live with his father, only after their falling out does he buy the fancy car and house of the latter seasons, but they bring him no joy. His relationship with his father is really beautiful. He does everything to keep him safe. He loves his father and ends up dying for him in the end, he never seeks revenge for all the things that were done for him, instead he dies for love.

Jesse's relationship with his parents is pretty terrible. Everybody loves to demonize them (because poor victim Jesse) but Jesse is responsible for their poor relationship. His parents tried to help him and continuously beg him to change his life around. There's only so much they can do, and letting him go to suffer the consequences of his choices is really the best thing for him, but Jesse acts like they are somehow betraying him or that he is entailed to his Aunts house. There is no deep love and respect there like Nacho has for his dad. Jesse even scams them out of a the house. He also appears Jealous of his little brother.

Murders/crimes:

All though Nacho's involvement with cartel and the drug world him indirectly involved in peoples deaths (same for Jesse). He only ever directly killed two people, both of them in gun battles where is was either kill or be killed. Jesse's direct kills are much more horrible.

Jesse out right shoots a man in the face. Although he didn't want to kill Gale and was put in a position where he had to kill to save Walt and his own life he still pulls the trigger. It was even his fault in the first place, because Walt had to kill Gus's men to save Jesse after Jesse own stupid choices (stealing from Gus and planing on killing some of Gus's man). He is also directly responsible for Jane's death. Jesse (and the fandom) love to blame Walt for Jane's death (as well as all of Jesse's choices). The fact is, she was dead the moment Jesse got her back onto drugs. She was clean until she met him. Even if Walt didn't happen to break in and see her overdosing (choosing not to help) she would have still died. If not then, then another night. She was doomed the moment Jesse got her (a recovering drug addict) but onto drugs. Jesse was so mad when he found out Walt didn't preform CPR he tried to but Walt's house down which punishes his innocent family, but Jesse doesn't care about that.

Personal reason I like Nacho more:

Nacho is smart, cleaver, capable, quiet, soft spoken and very skilled. He often figures out when his is being tricked and is able to get himself out of deadly situations all on his own. His relationship with his dad is sweet, and sad. He loves and respects his Dad so much and would do anything to protect him. He knows his Dad is disappointed in him, but isn't mad or defensive. Everything he does is to protect him.

Jesse is whiny, loud, rude, disrespectful, lazy, entitled, privileged, immature, never takes responsibility, blames others, and is a poser. He is much harder to sympathize with on a second view of the series. He has no relationship with his family and often only thinks of himself. He feels sorry for himself a lot, while Nacho doesn't blame other for his situation.

Nacho is just as much deserving of sympathy and a good ending as Jesse was. Nacho did not deserve to die for his crimes any more then Jesse did. They both suffered and and were sorry for the life they chose. The BOTH deserved a second chance, and I hate that Nacho didn't get one or people think he needed to die to atone or whatever, but Jesse just got to drive away, evading the police and responsibility and his crimes. Jesse is NOT more moral then Nacho, just because he cries all the time, while Nacho hides his emotions better. Jesse is not a more MORAL character period.

Just my opinion. Sorry for the long rant, its been bugging me for some time.

You are entitled to your opinion! But no, I don’t agree with your take. I think it is pretty clear that the arc of Breaking Bad is that Walt loses his conscience and becomes pretty monstrous at the same time Jesse develops a conscience and grows from a jerk kid into a decent human being.

Reads to me like a lot of this take is based on Jesse at the beginning of his arc; IE he’s just some lazy teenager selling meth. But if you don’t agree that Walt manipulated him into doing things he didn’t want to, I don’t know what to tell you. I think it’s pretty clearly laid out in the show. As for a moral comparison between Nacho and Jesse, Jesse is repeatedly shown to worry for the safety of children while the first thing Nacho does is intentionally endanger children so he can rip off their parents.

It’s not that Nacho is an evil character though or that I think he “doesn’t deserve” a happy ending or whatever. Or that Jesse is meant to be a superhero. When people make comparisons like that, they are talking about how those characters are framed in the narrative. The thing is that Jesse’s character development is centered around his guilt and his desire to be better. He wants out, he wants to do something honest, he wants to make boxes (IE create something he can be proud of). He throws his money away and sees it as blood money. It’s simply not Nacho. Guilt for the people he has hurt in the cartel is not an aspect of Nacho’s character. I mean, absolutely there is an argument to be made that he probably is a victim of poverty and, how much of a choice to get into the game does someone in that situation have, and I think if Kim Wexler knew his story she would want him to have a good lawyer. But when I say Nacho got in with both eyes open, what I mean is, he knew fully well the kind of violence he would commit for money, and made his peace with it.

You say Nacho did everything for his father but I think you are missing the point. Nacho did fall down the rabbit hole by trying to kill Hector, which he did for his father, but he wasn’t the kind of person he was for his father. He didn’t live his lifestyle for his father. His father specifically says he got *back* with the cartel, suggesting he was out and went back to make money. Nacho had a heart and ultimately he was willing to make sacrifices for someone he loved—but he didn’t do it *all* for his father, that was his draw toward his humanity, and the fact that he had it made him more vulnerable. Better Call Saul is all about the moral stuff of the characters. About what makes someone “good” or “bad”. Nacho is a monkey wrench because he is bad in almost every way, but the good side of him is the thing that he suffers for in the end. He’s a great character, and I love how much empathy he generates. He gets to be in a morally superior position to both Gus and Hector because he is framed as a victim to them both. When people say it fits that his death was sacrificial, I don’t think that is a moral judgment of his character, like he was BAD and therefore should DIE; certainly not if I have said that. It’s about his role in a meta sense, it was narratively appropriate for his arc to end the way it did.

I do think you are extremely hard on Jesse as far as responsibility for what he’s done (I mean, blaming him for Jane’s death, really? That is a pretty cruel take) but it’s not that I think Jesse is supposed to be some innocent kitten either. It’s just that his character resolves in exactly the same of moral crisis that Nacho’s father has: this shit is horrible, I feel tainted by this, I need to go to the police. That is what Jesse does and the price he pays for it is to be sold out by the man he trusted was looking out for his best interests and literally enslaved to keep him in the game. That’s why it fits narratively for Jesse’s arc to resolve in freedom.

In the end I think something is lost by taking these two nuanced characters and just making some kind of evaluation of “who is more EVIL? Who DESERVES to DIE?” It’s just that they serve different roles in their respective narratives. Jesse is the main moral counterpoint to Walt, the main protagonist of his show. Nacho is a piece of his show’s complex moral jigsaw puzzle of Mike, Jimmy, Gus, Hector, Kim, Chuck, Howard, Lalo… and I think the takeaway from him is the way his conscience and love affected the trajectory of what was an otherwise pretty heartless existence. Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul have some overlapping themes, but they are not the same, and the differing roles of Jesse and Nacho are, I think, evidence of that.

[orbitalvoyager]

A Medic’s Guide to Medical Writing (EMT vs. Paramedic)

⤹ or, in which bex gives you the fundamentals of the roles of medics

⤹ read the other entries of “ A Medic’s Guide to Medical Writing”

Hello, my name is Bex and I am a nationally registered and licensed paramedic within the US. For a while now, I have been debating writing what I like to call “guides” for writers to help them with accurately writing about medical knowledge. Would it be used? Would it even be helpful? But, after a brief conversation with @btssavedmylifeblr​ I got my answer. She helped me make a finally decision (even if she didn’t realize it). 

Even if just one person reads this, I think it will open up a new line of thinking for that one individual. Emergency Medical Services is a hard line of work, but it’s necessary. To be a lifesaver is a 24/7 job. Even when you’re off the clock, you’re really not. And if I can help even one person understand medical terminology better and open their minds to the idea of “how can I provide help to my fellow humans in an emergency situation”, then I’m doing my job. 

All of that being said, let us begin with the most basic concept I see neglected:

The most common mistake I see in writing is the confusion when it comes to the difference between an EMT and a Paramedic. There is a difference, and it’s a very common mistake since there isn’t a lot of information out there on what the difference actually is. In fact, before I started my medical training, EMT and paramedic were synonymous with each other.  An EMT is what is known as a BLS, or a Basic Life Saver. These individuals are trained, yes, but they are limited in the skills they can perform. A Paramedic is called an ASL or Advance Life Saver; these are the medics that people write about typically! Paramedics can do the fancy things like administer narcotics and medications (besides aspirin, nitro, EpiPens and glucose which EMTs are allowed to administer) and they are the ones who can perform cricothyrotomy. This is something I wanted to make clear before I begin.

EMT

⤹ you must complete an EMT training course to become a paramedic

⤹depending on the location and country, EMTs can have training from 120 up to 300 hours

⤹EMTs not only work with amublance services, but they also assist in hospitals and hospice locations

⤹they cannot perform any sort of medical intervention that involves the breaking of skin (ie, IVs, medications that require needle administration, etc). this is the biggest mistake I see writers make, if you have any of your characters starting an IV or doing the dramatic stab to the chest to relieve a tension pneumothorax (and that is still not entirely accurate), they are a Paramedic. an EMT can get sued for doing anything like that. However, administering EpiPens does not apply to this

⤹ an EMTs primary job is to: make sure the ambulance is stocked and all the equipment is fully functioning and charged, evaluating a patient to determine is ALS if needed, tending to less critical patients so a paramedic can focus on the person who needs the most help, making sure your scene is safe for you, your partner, and your patient, and watching out for their paramedics partner — my own EMT put it in simple terms when I asked her about watching my back- “you know how to bring someone back from the brink of death, but none of you know how to watch where you step” And never was a more accurate statement said. 

PARAMEDICS

⤹1,200 to 1,800 hours of training which can last up to 18 to 24 months

⤹ they can also assist in hospitals and many paramedics I know (including me) work in ERs from time to time

⤹ the skills that paramedics use are built upon the skills that EMTs use, you cannot have a paramedic who wasn’t an EMT. 

⤹ paramedics are trained to know types, amounts, routes of administration, indications vs contraindications of medications. no matter what time of medication is being administered (even just an aspirin) must be approved by medical control

⤹ they can perform a cricothyrotomy , insert IVs and ultimately break the skin of a patient

⤹ paramedics are what EMS likes to call “the big guns”. if a paramedic is getting called to a scene, the patient is not well. and once a paramedic is on scene, they are in charge; the EMT becomes the paramedic’s third and fourth hands

These are just basic things I felt the need to point out. Understanding the roles of specific medics is important to add that little hint of authenticity to your writing, but I know it’s hard to find someone who knows what the heck they’re talking about. And please understand that this is just a helpful guide, you by no means have to follow anything that I say, I just want to help out writers to the best of my ability. Is there still good fics out there that are medically inaccurate, YES. But for writers like me, I am a stickler for getting as much accurate information as possible. 

Feel free to ask any questions, and I’ll answer them to the best of my ability! 

[charminglyantiquated]

hello!! i recently got super into the idea of sailing, even though ive never been on a boat before. at first i thought it was an adhd hyperfixation, but now im not so sure. youre the only person i know of thats associated with sailing - do you have any ideas for how i could get involved w it, to see if im as interested as i think i am? some friends have suggested working on a cruise ship for a summer, but idk if that will be the same. (thanks!! <3)

Hi! I’m gonna preface this by saying I was lucky enough to grow up on the coast for the most part - sailing’s always been accessible to me in a way it’s not for everyone, so I’m likely missing some possibilities. If anyone else has any suggestions for how to get involved, I’d definitely welcome them!

Okay so! If you’re interested in sailing, cruise ships are not the way to go. I have a ton of respect for cruise ship workers, it’s long days and hard work. But cruise ships are essentially motor-powered towns; although you’d be out on the water, they don’t have sails at all, they’re very stable so you don’t experience a lot of the wind/wave motion or sense of speed that (I think) makes sailing fun, and most of the jobs you’d find would be largely customer service/hospitality, which isn’t a good fit if you specifically want to learn how to sail.

Some potential places to start would be looking into local sailing clubs if you’re near any body of water that can support them. A lot of them have weekly casual races - ’beercan races’ - which are meant to be fun, social, low-stress events on small sailboats, and they’re usually pretty open to newcomers. I know a handful of people whose first time sailing was being invited on someone’s boat as guest crew for this kind of thing.

Another possible entry point is tall ships. You could apply to work on one as a summer job in much the same way your friends were suggesting you do for a cruise ship (and the schooner bum tag on my blog has some advice for finding and applying to these, plus what to expect). But if you’re near the Great Lakes or the ocean, and you want a feel for it in advance, it may be worth looking up day sails or sailing charters in the area and paying to go out for a short sail. Since you’ve never been on a boat before, that could be a good way to see if you’d actually enjoy the work. The crew often invites people to help haul up the sails, and spends a lot of the sail talking with passengers, so you’d be able to ask questions about what’s going on. Plus you’d get a sense for whether or not you get seasick, or are otherwise freaked out by the ship heeling (tipping with the force of the wind), or anything else that might be a dealbreaker in practice, especially if you go out on a windier day.

I hope this is helpful!

[lajulie24]

D for hanleia pre esb!! ❤️

Thank you kindly for the prompt, and for your extreme patience with the long time I took to finally fulfill it! This idea ended up racing past drabble and well into fic rather than ficlet territory, so think of this as part 1 of a two-part fic. Also, this will be a long post since Tumblr seems to deal poorly with “read more” links in asks these days. Title is a reference to a line in Abra Moore’s “Four Leaf Clover.”

D. Subtle kindnesses.

Let go of all the big deals

Damn it. Leia really wished Evaan were still here.

I wish Mama were here, her thoughts continued, before she could stop them. Or Winter, or Aria. Papa. Memily. Even Aunt Rouge, Aunt Celly.

It was easier when she didn’t let herself go there at all, but apparently she’d opened the floodgates simply by thinking of Evaan—who was still alive, just elsewhere with the rest of her people, keeping them safe, leading them in the way Leia couldn’t right now.

Evaan would know what to do with this, this mess that had become of Leia’s hair. She would’ve laughed, wielded the comb, helped her work out the little bits of resin that lingered in the strands. A few washings with Chewie’s shampoo had actually done a brilliant job at getting out most of the sticky sap that had exploded all over them, but it couldn’t work miracles.

Leia worked the comb through her hair slowly, wincing as she hit another tangle.

“How’s the grooming goin’, Your Worship?” Han called from outside the door. Frankly, she was surprised he hadn’t sent out a search party for her, given how much time she’d been at this already, but perhaps he had enough experience with Chewie to understand that this was no simple job.

“Fine,” she called back. “Just great.” She took up another section and began working the comb through it, gradually, carefully. This was honestly the longest her hair had spent fully down in quite some time; normally she took it down, brushed it, and put it into her sleeping braid, or pulled it out of the sleeping braid long enough to put it back up in her familiar crown braids. Now that she had spent so much time with it, she noticed not only the tangles and remaining bits of sap, but the split ends.

She hadn’t cut it since Alderaan. She’d been neglecting it, frankly; it had been this length for years, but regular trims helped maintain its health and texture. When she was home, she and Winter would trim one another’s hair. Or she’d get Memily to do it. TooVee could do it in a pinch, but normally cutting hair wasn’t a task you would give to a droid. It was too personal, too intimate for that.

TooVee would’ve claimed it contrary to her programming, anyway. A stickler for protocol, that one.

“Need anything?” Han called. He was actually being surprisingly considerate about this whole thing; somehow he seemed to have caught on to hair = private and had made sure to keep everyone else out of the crew quarters while she tended to this.

There was one tangle that didn’t want to come out. A little nest of hair that defied her, no matter how carefully she worked to unwind it, her efforts achieving nothing but a sore scalp. Such a sad little knot, she thought. A little snarl of hair and resin twisted all within itself, about two inches from the bottom.

She tried again. Nope. It wasn’t coming out.

Surely Han had something she could use. What did Chewie trim his fur with, anyway?

“Han?” she called. “You still there?”

“Yeah, you need something?”

“Do you have a scissors? I’m going to have to cut this bit out.”

“Sure thing.” Footsteps left down the hall, and Leia busied herself trying the knot again. Just like her, continuing to work at something even while it was hopeless. Optimism? Stubbornness? A little of both?

The footsteps came back, and then the hatch opened enough for Han’s arm to slip in, a beard- and pelt-trimming scissors in his outstretched hand. Leia took it. “Perfect, thank you.”

The door closed again, and after a slight pause—

“Ah, you need any help with that?” Han’s voice sounded tentative.

Leia considered that for a moment. She’d figured she would probably have to just cut out the offending knot for now and figure out how to fix it later, because she definitely was not going to be able to even it out all the way around by herself. But she also knew from experience that having one bit of hair that didn’t match the others would be a real pain. And it did desperately need a trim—

You could ask Han to do it.

“Uh, maybe?” she answered, stalling for time while she thought this through.

She wasn’t sure why she felt so weird about asking Han to help trim her hair; she respected her culture’s hair traditions, but she’d never thought she was personally all that attached to them. Certainly she’d had it down in front of others before. She’d even had it down in front of a man before.

Yeah, a man you were involved with. And it was kind of a big deal when you did that. And that had been before, when her planet and her culture were not in danger of extinction.

But also, that had been before. She had been doing a lot of things lately that she hadn’t done in her life before.

Like asking random men to cut your hair for you?

Except Han wasn’t some random man, not at all, as much as some of her colleagues on High Command might think of him that way. As casual and as brash and as infuriating as he could be sometimes, he was her friend. And he had seen her at some of her worst already—narrowly escaping death by being crushed in a wet trash compactor could do a lot to help you bond, right?

Then she remembered the other thing he’d done that day, the thing that told Leia that there was more to the man than swagger and bravado and a frequently professed love of money. The thing he’d done quietly, and without ceremony.

It was after they’d escaped the TIEs, after he’d scoffed at her assertion that the Imperials were surely tracking the Falcon to Yavin IV, after she’d dismissed him as a mercenary and strode off, leaving him and Luke to gossip or whatever it was men did. They’d all stunk of garbage, so later Han had offered use of the real water showers and the autovalet.

After Han had gotten Luke set up in the ‘fresher (with Luke still both fascinated and terrified by the newness of cleaning with a continuous spray of water), Han had quietly approached Leia.

“Hey,” he’d said, “you’ve had a hell of a day.”

“Yes.” That was an understatement, one she was trying not to think too much about.

He’d beckoned toward the corridor. “We got a medbunk. I c’n help you get fixed up. Might not be much time for that once we land.”

“I’m all right,” she’d said.

“Yeah, I know,” he’d agreed. “But who knows what was in that garbage. Don’t want those wounds to get infected. Really drag down your revolution.”

She’d stared at him for a moment.

“If you want, I can get Chewie to, uh, chaperone or whatever,” he’d said, obviously misunderstanding her silence as mistrust of his intentions. Honestly, she’d just been surprised at his mention of the wounds hidden by her white dress—how did he even know they were there?

“No, that’s all right,” she’d said. “This way?”

It was unexpected, how gentle he’d been as he’d cleaned and applied bacta to her injuries, somehow knowing exactly which spots would have been hit by the droid and other devices. At the same time, she’d been relieved to find him casual and matter-of-fact about the whole thing. No pity or patronizing, just care, like they were comrades in battle. And when she’d asked him—how did you know? he’d answered simply. Used to be one of ‘em. Long time ago. Another life.

“Another life,” she’d repeated.

If she could trust him with the wounds from the worst day of her life, when they barely knew each other, she could certainly trust him with this.

“Uh, yeah, could you come help?” she called, and a moment later, the door slid open.

Thank you for the ask!

[synchlora]

I heard apocalypse AU? 👀

YOPOOOOOOOOOOO YESYEZYEZTWSDAGAVZGX

Yes

PARTICULARLY for the bench trio and wilbur :]] this was literally all sparked bc I saw an au where ranboo dies and I got so viscerally upset over it that I went through. so much effort to make an au where he lives. christ

SO :D

(so so many warnings abt graphic medical shit, infection, necrosis, Pain, medical malpractice, just. bad things, please be Careful)

tommy and tubbo r childhood friends. they run into one another quite soon after separating from their families. tommy ran from his family after his parents killed his sister, tubbo ran when his family told him to save himself and he blames himself for not saving them.

RANBOO. shows up half fucking dead lmao. many bites, definitely infected to become a zombie, arm is. very necrotic. and what else do tommy and tubbo do when they see another kid their age slowly becoming zombified?? take him home ofc <3

they live in an old rv out in the woods and ooh its shit but its something. ranboo is like. doing a little better??? bc hes not Actively starving but he is also still Infected and struggling w his arm. so tommy and tubbo have got to figure something out w all this

they decide to raid a nearby abandoned hospital for supplies and after taking a lot of medical equipment and drugs they Do Not Understand, they run into wilbur wandering the halls. they r obviously v defensive but wilbur is very curious, especially abt why they are taking basically Useless medical equipment unless they know how to use it

after some talking and deliberation, they learn that wilbur is (or rather was) a med student who was working an internship at the hospital when the apocalypse happened. no clue what happened to his family, they don't live nearby and there's no way to contact them

after long discussion between the two of them, tommy and tubbo decide to risk bringing wilbur back to see if he can somehow help ranboo. yeah its risky as hell to bring a stranger back to their most vulnerable friend but they're desperate as shit and wil seems to at least have Training lmao

so wilbur helps getting the equipment set up and he takes one look at ranboo and is just like jesus christ ive got my work cut out for me. BUT they get shit set up and start shit <- very technical language /s

tommys good at the tech shit, wilbur has the medical knowledge, and tubbo has the nerves of steel. and oooh boy those will come in handy becauseeeee

they have to amputate ranboos arm

basic details (BIG BIG WARNING FOR GROSS MEDICAL SHIT, BE CAREFUL): wilbur instructed, tubbo performed, tommy monitored ranboo Very Closely (hes on so much fucking pain killers its unbelievable. no general anesthetic, they have access but itd be too risky. they do have localized anasthetics though). applied tourniquet to upper arm around bicep area. pinned ranboos arm so he can't move it too harshly and cause unwanted damage. tubbo cut carefully and didn't shake a bit, ensuring to leave a skin flap of healthy, live skin for sewing and wilbur cauterized the blood vessels and major nerves as they went. obviously, as there is no general anesthesia, ranboo is fucking Screaming and also unable to sit still. that's tommys job, to monitor vitals and also literally keep him from yanking so hard he messes tubbo up. tubbo cut through muscle quickly and had a bonesaw to cut through the bone. hardest part of the entire procedure was smoothing down the bone at the cut. ranboo ended up passing out from pain and despite himself, tubbo was relieved at the lack of screaming. tommy was worried as shit at ranboo passing out but he closely watched to ensure he was still breathing and Alive. tubbo finished up and, with more of wil's instruction, covered the wound with the sewed skin (he would have left it open to monitor, but it was too much of a risk with how high-stress it was for ranboo already) left some drainage tubes, put on heavy antibiotics, and dressed the wound with clean gauze. ranboo took several hours to wake up and awoke screaming once again

it is overall fucking Awful and incredibly traumatizing for all involved

ranboo is Very weak at this point, both from the amputation and the steadily worsening yknow. zombification and shit

so the trio looking after him are scrambling around to do something Anything to treat him and try and save the guy

surprisingly, the amputated arm is doing well??? it does not have its own separate infection and the skin is actively healing, albeit quite slowly, around the wound. they've got enough supplies from the hospital to last a while for clean dressings and medications. jesus fucking christ did I mention how many pain killers hes on????

doesn't mean it doesn't hurt but its like. not entirely hellishly unbearable. only agonizing most days

anyway, through all this time theyre monitoring infection signs closely and wilbur is helping adjust doses of a cocktail of antibiotics and antivirals and even antifungals, just fucking Everything man

and.. things start to change

the sickly green tinge to the skin around his lymph nodes starts turning a more natural pink, the darkened veins start to lighten to a more human shade, the glassy fog over his eyes slowly begins to clear

and holy fucking shit did they just cure an infected person?????

hes been sick since they met him and now he's finally starting to get.. better?

dont get me wrong, hes still struggling and in so much pain and my god the dependencies hes got on a Lot of painkillers oough man, BUT. he is alive

and its an ordeal but. he starts to recover. the infection subsides. his arm is fully able to heal now that his body can focus energy to do that. he starts to actually be able to be himself and by god it really made it all worth it

AND THEY ALL FOUR LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER NO FUCKINH DEATH FUCK THAT THEY GROW OLD TOGETHER ND HAVE A GOOD TIME :]]

[themeed]

damn allowed myself to want things for a day and all i want is a van to live in, knowledge, freedom, weight loss, and a bass guitar.

im. happy with that i think. im proud of me, no jokes. im proud of being able to want things and care about them and vibrate towards them with longing. im... pleased with that. its fulfilling in a way Not Wanting For Anything isnt, because thats... kinda hollow. empty. in a vacant, lonely, yearning and grieving and SAD way. maybe because i Couldnt Want then. i Couldnt Desire or it would be used against me or taken away. that sucks. that sucked.

and now. im free to want again. and comparatively???? i think im very much never going to aim for buddhism or that weird Not Desiring Not Attached Nirvana mindset. like good for u but been there out of trauma and its not fun theres no reason to truly Live. u just float endlessly and experience and it aches so badly!!!! it hurts to want to want and not be able to. and i guess that is different from not wanting at all but... its not different enough for me to justify ever going back to that. or going forward to that. i just got this back and screw enlightenment if it means i have to give up on my passions i dont think life is worth living without it.

and anybody who looks down on that from a spiritual tower has yet to examine their own pride and how empty they feel without it.

anybody who looks down and smiles and wishes me luck on my journey? good for them. im glad theyre living their best life, on their journey as they see fit.

and i feel the need to protect myself because ive been hurt by the pride- the arrogance of others before. a lot of my hurts and traumas stem from my mother being too prideful to recognize that she can be wrong and someone under her power could be correct over her. and it was an uncomfortable truth. so she denied it was one at all and hurt me. i know the reason could be elaborated on. she didnt want to confront her own internal logic. or trauma. or even doublethink. that doesnt excuse her hurting a child for the sake of her sense of pride, of comfort, of self-worth. a child under her power, that she claimed to be parent of. teacher of.

not owing anyone anything is not the same as not hurting anyone. i havent reconciled that yet. oppressors should be held accountable for their mistakes, and give reparations if the harm is physical at LEAST. and i think that applies to politics, yes. privately though? if i beat up a nazi, i dont want to pay for his hospital bills. my personal philosophy struggles between equating people and ideas as a worth measurement, and realizing that that line of thinking is... similar to oppressors. but. its based on something people can change. the question is, do i think "if given the opportunity" is a good enough reason to stop and question a racist that runs their mouth? and do i think pre-emptive violence is okay? if say, a nazi walks into a bar and doesnt say anything but is wearing all the red flags and bells and whistles. i dont think that justifies a beatdown. being asked to leave, sure, but the beatdown doesnt start til the first remark flies.

once the intent is given OR the action is taken, the line is drawn. doesnt matter if they Havent Had The Chance. if theyre starting shit outside of debate spaces like that, and not, say, asking questions, theyre not looking for new perspectives, and it is NOT my job to educate people. its not my job to Show People The Light. a quick fucking google search could tell them why theyre wrong. if they havent put even the most basic energy into questioning their beliefs, thats on them.

it sounds like im trying to absolve myself of blame here. largely because. i think i should go out and help educate people because theyre inherently complacent if theyre, yknow, in a position of power. aka white folk and men and rich folk and cis folk and on and on and on. these people dont live my reality. they dont live the reality of a gay black man in the south, or a genderqueer lesbian in the west, or an indigenous woman whose nation is being targeted, or a muslim woman who cannot wear her headcoverings in the face of danger of death, or an asian immigrant who cant get a job because of COVD age discrimination resurging. we will never live each others realities, but we can become aware of them.

they wont come into awareness without someone asking or telling, and then doing something to change them.

we shouldnt need to go running to people in power for them to be aware of problems in the populace, govt is supposed to help and solve issues like this. like. actively. thats the whole point, make life better for the countrys citizens. and individuals in a position of social power...

are individuals who didnt take on a responsibility to protect and serve or otherwise care for the populace of a nation. i personally think they SHOULD care, but they are not obligated to. i cant make them care about others.

and honestly, on some of them, it would be a waste of time. there are people who want to change or question things and yknow what? they seek out answers. in people or places or online usually. stats and stories.

so like. i dont think someones Potential as a person matters when theres a throwdown about to happen. it really isnt my responsibility to save people from themselves or try to change their sides against their will. if they want to chat about it they can ask questions first.

not throw insults or punches or hatred.

what people have been taught is worth analyzing and trying to correct IN SOCIETY but i cant fix every broken white boy that comes to me. PSAs, fliers, outreach, online videos, debate spaces. those are things i already have access to and can be a part of if i really want to go around changing minds. or yknow. get involved in legislation and be myself around others to change their perceptions of whats socially acceptable or normal. maybe protest, maybe call congressfolk, etc.

but not every comment has to be analyzed or a learning opportunity. im allowed to shut it down, and people can respect that or stop talking to me. this isnt my parents house where i had to justify everything that i said or did when scrutinized, and doubly justify any criticism i had of mother, or any joke i frowned at instead of smiling.

these people dont have that power over me. they arent my mother. they arent my boss, and if they are i can fuck off and get a new job if necessary. they dont have financial control over my living space and food and schooling and physical control of where i can go and with who and for how long. I CONTROL THAT. I do.

Huh. maybe thats why i want a van so bad. i mean... when this lease ends if nobody is gonna end up living with me...

i could just... live in my car and shower at truck stops. get a storage unit for my stuff. save by driving jobs. like 40 to 60 a day. tear out my cars back, insulate it, and install my mattress pad there. water on the floor, cooler next to it, wooden cutting coard, knife, single camping plateware set, and another little shelf for spices. maybe a hot plate i can hook up to the car battery? get a long enough usb and it might be doable. i could go camping and open the trunk to just... vibe.

because yeah, honestly? i dont plan on having a solid apartment for a bit. like a long bit. and i still have like 70000 miles on my car before itll want to go. and by that point, even at like 100 miles a day, thats like 2 years, less if i go cross country in that vehicle. i could save up SO MUCH for a better vehicle, or like. college. live on campus, get some credit, continue working after i figure out want i want to do.

i think thats a solid plan, even if i dont get another apartment and put everything in storage. work as i need to instead of all the time for rent, really only paying for gas, car repairs, car ins, food, and phone data/hotspot internet... that would bring my monthly expenses down to like 500 a month max instead of like 1400. id only need to make some 1000 a month doing contract stuff to save for taxes and stuff. anything extra would be just that: extra for savings and things. holy shit.

depending on how this next month goes for my friends, holy s h i t.

i. i might do this. legitimately.

i. dont think i can yet. i need proof of address to get my license im pretty sure? but hey, thatll be my 21st this year, so. once i have that i wont need a new address for a While. i dont know if ill want one, really.

i could always just ask a friend or family member if i could use theirs for mail that cant go to a PO box.

anyway. yeah. wow.