#ive been going back and forth about it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

amaranthdahlia · 4 months

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[chapter.408] two men's perspective, one man's resolve

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gayvampyr · 10 months

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forgot for a second that oscillopsia is in my brain and not external and i almost tried to record what it looks like to me to show people what i mean

#the best i can describe it is like. when you spin around in circles with your head on a baseball bat and the world feels like it's #spinning sideways and you lose your balance #except im sitting and instead of the world rotating its shaking back and forth and i don't have very good motor control cuz #i cant sense where things are #i honestly think it's related to MS. it'd be one thing if this was an isolated symptom but i have so many others that align with it #especially the weird/obscure ones that aren't listed in mainstream descriptions. like i had to go onto MS forums to find people who knew #what i was talking about and had the same experience #and its not like i started there or typed 'MS' in my search. its just the only accurate results were from people with MS blogging about it #not to self diagnose but itd be nice if i could at least get tested and not immediately dismissed #ive also been dxed with peripheral neuropathy which could be related #idk #this got very off topic

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superbellsubways · 2 months

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aww the. 🎥 cutes, 😊 hi @cephalonheadquarters

#i probably got so much shit wrong imso sorryyou can kill me with hammers sorry.#ive been working on and off on rhis for like 2 Weeks?????? it was gonna be a big canvas buttttttt im not strong enough for that rn #i also wanted to include Assistant AUGHHHH i will next time Trust 🤞#but for now. this one #also take this as like. an invitation to draw these two interacting? since ik youve mentioned it once or twice. only if you want to ofc #im curious about their dynamic for me i think they would be like. frenemies. or lowkey rivals. atleast ik bitz would see them as one #they either hate eachother or can tolerate eachother Enough. i think #i wanna know more about host and assistant AUUUU i like them 🙏#this is alot of text sorry im nervous ok #oc #digital art #doodle #i had to go back and forth on their toyhouse i didnt realize they had more ref pics for the longest time HELP i was going off of like 2 or #so if anything seems off thats my fault #tumblr hates the quality 🖕die

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bonnieisaway · 8 months

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i do not need to go autistic ballistic about the fighting styles in scissor seven i do not need to go autistic ballistic about the fighting styles in scissor seven i do not need to go autistic ballistic about the fighting styles in scissor seven i do not need to go autistic ballistic about the fighting styles in scissor seven i do not need to go autistic ballistic about the fighting styles in scissor seven i do not need to go autistic ballistic about the fighting styles in scissor seven

#I'm losing my fucking mind #This is me begging for somebody to ask me to elaborate because like #it's been a while since I had a full back and forth conversation about this show where people like bounce their ideas off me or challenge t #and it's the sustinence i need to breathe #i insufferably cannot have a convo in any other of my fandoms like this because you get death threats this is #the only civilized fandom i am in #(i know saiki k is civil outside tiktok its justt been a while since ive fixated or watched)#im going insane #im going crazy #help me GOD #scissor seven #seven

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layalu · 5 months

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WIP Whenever

tagged by @herearedragons! :]

using this to announce Picrew Feedback Phase lol, since i've been working on it more again recently and now basically have everything in place, just need to add and fix items!

Yes i am still procrastinating on adding hair and having fun adding animal features instead u.u But ye! Basically if anyone wants to have a go with it and you have suggestions as to what you'd like me to add (like hairstyles or w/e) or you notice something that confuses you or anything really, feel free to hmu! Sorry in advance for my awful value choices on all the head parts (that's gonna get fixed once i Actually start doing colours) |'D edit: added some screenshots of the picrew maker website, in case anyone is curious what that looks like! :]

tagging @creativegoblin, @superboyconner, @absyntthe, @exotic-inquiry, @curiouslavellan, @cao-the-dreamer, @a-drama-addict, @brainwormterrarium, @snowberry-pie, @goofsoup, @scorbutic-properties, @daggerbeanart, @greypetrel, @ndostairlyrium, @shivunin, and anyone else who has something to share! c:

#wip wednesday #<- its not wednesday but its easier to sort xd #my art #its a constant back and forth of drawing and checking and fixing lol but thats whats fun about it!#its a big puzzle :]#not everything fits together 100% but i think i managed to get lots of things to work p ok!#...though ive been dreading to do the hair since thats gonna be one of the hardest parts fkdsdfl #i want to split it in a way where it will (hopefully) work with most horns without looking weird #& ive also been going into different game ccs to check where the biggest overlap for hairstyles and types of tattoos etc are #to add those too #also need to figure out if i can put in hair that goes from the back over the shoulder without weird clipping #or if i can split the back part of some of the horns to work with hair and headwear better #(for which the first step is figuring out if i can remove a layer from an existing part without fucking it up lol)#and also if i can make horns with different bases/shapes since rn them working relies on the base being the same

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girl-bateman · 8 months

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How does one get assigned as sam coded / dean coded ? Do I need a doctors note ? A psych evaluation perhaps ?

#i keep going back and forth on it #bc i used to identify with dean for the longest time bc i was so repressed and emotionally closed off (+older sister)#and at that point id spent my youth very purposefully protecting my younger sibling from our dad #and i guess in my brain i paralleled that with dean staying behind with john while sam took off for stanford #and dean protecting sam from knowing too much abt the supernatural #BUT having grown up ive now become the one resentful and angry at our father while my sister protects him #and our fights remind me a lot of scenes from the show where im obviously identifying a lot stronger with sam #plus the whole thing abt being the families designated academic or whatever #while also feeling cursed from the minute i was born and crushing at the guilt of everything wrong with me #and trying to be a good person and saving others to make for the fact that i feel an intrinsic evilness about myself #so like... yeah sam is very very relatable too in that sense #bc he also has that hope in him- the belief in god. in angels. in goodness. and i have that too !#im just also a miserable cynic at the same time :)#so ????#i havent been in the fandom for long enough to know the full requirements of being a sam or dean girl #(and by that i mean i havent been in the fandom for long AFTER i rejoined from my 10 year hiatus)#i literally would love to read someones page long explanation of what sam coded vs dean coded entails #someone with a spn hyperfixation or special interest needs to provide me with the goods fr 😭#spn

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kingspacebar · 1 year

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My Splatfest Teams!!!

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gibbearish · 2 months

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ik i talk abt high control groups kinda often but i do encourage anyone involved in discourse in any capacity to watch folding ideas' "this is financial advice" video, because a lot of what he says about the gamestop apes being a self-organizing high control group imo also explains the more toxic discourse tendencies, and i feel like most discussion around high-control groups on here focuses on the tradtional kind that has one or a few distinct leaders which makes it harder to draw parallels between the signs. so i think its important to point out that these kinds of groups can still create that same energy as a unit even if there isn't one specific person calling the shots

#origibberish #namely the signs ive noticed most over the years are obviously internal jargon‚ thats kind of a given when working with microlabels #but see also transmed/truscum/trender/tucute/acey/theyfab/transandrophobia truther/etc etc etc #ideas being boiled down to short gotchas that just get ping ponged back and forth #see The Entirely Of Any Ace Discourse Argument for that but again see 'theyre just trans mras'#and the tendancy for members to turn on anyone who steps out of line even a little #omg i cqnt believe i forgot pro/anti discourse too theyre really bad about all of these on both sides #oh or another example would be steven universe discourse #like 'it endorses letting fascists off the hook' would just get thrown around as if it was undisputed fact despite there being MILES #of shit going on in the background to get to that #anyways. yeah 👍 keeping this in mind has already made a huge difference in how i engage in online discussions #and has also been a good rule of thumb for when to Stop engaging with someone #where if theyre displaying these signs thank you i do not want to be part of this #and like yes that goes for people youre arguing with but it obviously /ESPECIALLY/ goes for people you like #if you have a friend who you feel like you cant say anything that disagrees with them or theyll freak out at you. you dont have to keep #being friends with them. if being around someone makes you uncomfortable and you constantly find yourself making excuses for why #they treat you the way they do then thats a bad sign #and like with that i really hope ive managed to yknow. create a nice space here where ppl feel safe bringing stuff up?#idk

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crescentfool · 1 year

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ohh the joy of videos and streams... i like listening to people talk about things they like/think about it’s very contagious... 🥺

#lizzy speaks #THIS IS BROUGHT TO U BY THE MINATO BRAINCELLS SHAKING BACK AND FORTH..#so so many of my interests feel like they're in some kind of hibernation lately in terms of the emotions they evoke #my brains been mostly gravitating towards formulating strategies and trying new things in splatoon right now... LOL.. so i havent thought-#a whole bunch about other things i like even if they do mean a lot to me..#so i really appreciate being around other people who really like the things that they like because its infectious and reminds me why-#i enjoy those characters / ships / whatever else #like oh... ryomina.. minato.. ryoji... i love them very much and i like hearing other people express their appreciation for them #also yosuke.... i like hearing my friends talk about yosuke his characters a very fun one for me even if i never took the time 2 personally #analyze him its just very nice to be around that kind of energy! im so grateful!#related but unrelated squid school made a video about the splatoon manga... which i havent thought abt in a month or two #yet somehow watching that revitalized my sleeping lil braincell that loves vintage coroika...#IDK i just feel like lately ive gotten to be around a very contagious positive energy of people who appreciate stuff and i like that!!#mayb ill stream again... something about talking about things out loud and not over text evokes a certain kind of insanity #i like to draw to express my love 4 the things i've come across but sometimes i think too much abt the quality.. LOL #so maybe ill just go FUCK IT we ball!! better to draw than to not draw at all. or ill just stream 2 outlet the 'hehe i love so many things'#there is so much love stored in my heart it hurts i lov So many Things and I love Being reminded of that god i love people loving things!!!

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barkingangelbaby · 6 days

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venting so much i ran out of tags lmao

#i think im hallucinating ?????#i have my headphones on (listening to boyfeel on repeat n choppin up some paper)#and keep feeling / seeing shadows in my peripheral vision #im probably just dehydrated and having bad floaters but i dont like it :)#today has also been bad dramatically awful #life isn't serious there's no reason to feel this heavy #oop very emo thoughts incoming #life can't be meaningful or ill miss my parents too much but can't be meaningless or im living without them for nothing #im just. struggling very hard this year. idk #i had so much health bullshit going on for months that i put off going to a psych n now im so busy that it feels bad taking time off for it #and im also scared of getting on meds bc the idea of being dependent on something that i might not have access to is.. auuughhh #idk dude my adhd has been debilitating lately and i feel so stuck and sometimes i think i have ocd bc my compulsions are so fucking bad and #all my mental bullshit with my breathing has slowly been driving me wild and peaks my anxiety #and sometimes i worry abt being bipolar bc my mom's mom is and my mom's best friend told me she thought my mom might have been #bc the way my moods are so low or so high is exhausting it feels like i haven't had a “normal” day in so long #but also atp when im happy i feel manic bc idk how to healthily experience happiness anymore #idfk y'all !!!! im also very nonverbal these days #ugh and still going back n forth on telling my therapist ive been suicidal again bc i dont want him to have to report me or anything idk #a few months ago i made a joke about offing myself and he got rly serious n said he'd have to take action if im serious so im leaning no #like. i wouldnt actually kill myself. i just don't want to exist sometimes in this life #its just been very very very very very very very very very very very very very very hard lately without my parents or grandma #and even after all these years it's still heartwrenching to think about continuing to live this life without them #like. i just want to make them laugh. i just want to feel their arms around me in a warm hug. i just want to dance to their favorite songs.#i don't want to think of them and see their dead bodies anymore. i want to remember them healthy and smiling.#i would take care of them again in every lifetime but fuck dude. i just want to remember their good days instead of the end. can i please #please fucking invision them at their best. i want to remember the dad that played baseball and video games and whose laugh filled the room #i want to remember my grandma who was so sassy but kind. whose button nose crinkled when she smiled. who taught me to happily be dramatic #i don't want to remember them being frail. i want to forget the frustration i saw in their eyes. i want to forget seeing them struggle #(insert sadness about not remembering my mom at all)#just. fuck dude. my life is simple and i am safe so i shouldn't complain. but things feel so fucking hard sometimes. i feel so heartbroken

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snoopyplush · 10 months

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anyway fuck it coming out post. im a lesbian

#ive been going back and forth on it for months but i think i just need to. decide #not that it's a choice i mean i just have to say it otherwise im gonna be conflicted forever #bc saying im bisexual bc idc how people present is not the same as actually being bisexual #the willow creaks #this post is entirely for me. to stop feeling ashamed about who i am or whatever

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doublekanble · 2 months

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ghost in your home was not supposed to end like that at all lol, wrestled with the idea of letting him have his cake and eat it too or shove it in his face a bit more and ended up with just letting him be

#/kbtalk #combine the symbols from the three plant mentioned (gardenia. ficus. begonia) and you got what it takes to keep a good relationship #if youre reading this and you want to know. one of the end was first step to reconciliation but i think that wouldve been too nice to him #maybe some other day ill do a rewrite/exploration of the concept bc i think a lot about-#the anguish of mourning someone who sit at your dinner table everyday #i think he would've been a bit more conceited and “hmp its not my fault” but youre from the time where he can only get by with a smile-#and a charming silver tongue so it balances out rlly #i shove the ghost theme last minute because i was going back and forth on what to titled the section and i remember the 21 grams soul theor #added like an extra 1k bc of it and ended up going back over the whole thing to put some more stuff in #brain is finally clearing up and i hope you cant tell when in the writing did that happen lol #next fic needs me to read a 200pg book about voodoo so i can set up one scenario ive been putting it off for some times now #for now im blasting too sweet and making a minecraft house #i need to download mods that give me a radio so i can make an alastor theme room soon

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princekirijo · 2 months

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I hate when you have like pieces of a character and you're trying to put it together but just. nothing. Mind blank. Head empty

#banging my head against a wall with this one tbh #at least now ive actually written out the pieces i do have #in an attempt to get something going #this is about hatanaka for anyone curious #my mind has been bouncing back and forth on what to do with her and just 0.0 🧍‍♂️#her backstory is honestly. kinda solid if i do say so myself #a lil cheesy maybe but its ok it fits with the themes #the problem is figuring out why the fuck the thieves target her in the first place #toying with several ideas but as i said #jigsaw pieces but some are missing and im trying to put this puzzle together

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corvidaedream · 1 year

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ive got a check in w my gender specialist in a month and i was kinda unsure about my Goals™️ at the first appt, just like. here's what i don't want to look like anymore, and i want to look more gender-neutral, but all of my People I Wanna Look Like seemed so unattainable as goals (they were!)

but i am realizing now, all along, my goals should have been to look like a slightly-less-masculine version of jack black as dewey in school of rock

#messages from the ouija board #i was thinking actually about my hair and realized it wouldnt be that hard w a little product to get that look w it #and then everything clicked #im also thinking about top surgery more bc ive been like. on the fence and still am bc 1. medical debt sucks #but also 2. i feel like a completely flat chest would look very weird on me like. cis men my size arent usually totally flat chested #& i want the ability to go back and forth wrt presentation #but a coworker who is also nb just got back from top surgery medical leave and got really specific w their surgeon about exactly that #and it looks great so im like. ok there are options.

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mxrtified777 · 11 months

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i am so tired but i NEED to be nevinposting all of the time because he has filled the void in my brain like a stretched out pixelated png

#stfu chris #nevin jovel #his dumb little round face is all i think about #i looked at chrollos wiki page earlier and saw his dumb baby cow eyes and immediately thought of nevin #im going to soak the nevin plushie i made with milk and throw him at a wall #if i cant draw him i can at least scream into the void about him #and look at old posts about him while kicking my feet back and forth while giggling #ive literally been called out at work for smiling randomly and when asked about it i have to just be like. nothing. dwb

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aamitmorthos · 1 year

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Just saw an article by someone with the last name "Mamiit" and the urge to just yoink it and become "Aamit Mamiit" is so strong

#fucking love that last name but i like morthos more #plus ive been going back & forth about the name aamit. still aamit mamiit aounds dumb and compelling

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