#ive been living in constant anxiety for the past week and its been so exhausting

[imjustafaerie]

guys i know i’m not a big account, not very well known or anything like that, but i’m going into recovery. i ended up losing weight extremely rapidly in the past two months due to having to be put on MANY medications for my overall health. beginning of august, i was 120lbs, i’m 109 now and while it’s not my ugw, this d!sorder has quite literally ruined my body and my life. i’m v*miting every single day, cant keep any foods/drinks down, ive been on IV fluids for weeks, and my anxiety/depression has increased by a tenfold. i took this too extreme and now im suffering the consequences that i wish no one else has to experience. EVERYTHING has begun to shut down, and now i keep getting UTI’s simply because of my kidneys almost failing on me if it werent for medical attention.

as you can tell, hospital visits have been constant. and its not fun. im only making this post because i realize now that it is NOT. worth all the pain and damage you’re causing to your body. it may not be as bad for you right now as it is for me, but it will get to a point where it becomes unbearable. i literally cry every night because i physically feel like i’m dying and its a terrifying experience. now i know this might not reach many people, let alone help them realize that recovery truly is better, because i understand it becomes an addiction, and something that you mentally/physically cant stop. it literally has been me for over a year. this is for awareness. i promise, with all my heart, that taking a slow road to recovery is worth it and there are much healthier ways to lose/maintain weight. so, i will no longer be posting/updating anything @na/mia related, i dont want this disorder anymore, i am utterly terrified of it. please be safe, you are all too beautiful, and this is all of our first and only times living life. dont live it in pain and exhaustion.

[naughtystiel]

listening to hard rock on repeat means an ongoing breakdown 🤟

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Caramel Skin Under A Purple Rain prt 8 full draft

When Lance fell asleep in his lap in their bath, Keith let him rest. His husband looked so incredibly fragile as he placed the entirety of his trust in Keith protecting him. For Keith's part, he couldn't keep his hands off Lance's stomach, rubbing softly until his husband moaned in his sleep and he was forced to behave himself. The quintant was definitely not how things were supposed to go. Lance was supposed to have a simple bug or something. Something he knew how to handle and how to be there for. Not a baby... or twins... Twins... as in two... Finding his hand gripping Lance's stomach by his fingertips, his husband roused slightly. By his estimate, they'd probably been in the bathtub for the last two vargas or so

"Keith?"

"I'm here..."

"You're playing with my tummy..."

"It's a cute little tummy"

Moving to nuzzle at Keith's jawline, Lance gave a small yawn before kiss him randomly

"We're having a baby"

"Yeah... we're even having two..."

"You knocked me up good like you said you would"

"This is true... How do you feel?"

Lance snorted as if something was funny

"Honestly... exhausted and horny... if I'm not sick, scared, freaking out or sleeping, I've been really fucking horny... Not like... not like in my heat, but at the same time, I feel it... like a bite... you know, it's there but you can't scratch it... or rather, I've been trying to not scratch it..."

No wonder Lance had snorted. Horny wasn't on Keith's list of expected replies. Chuckling affectionately, he kissed his lover's hair

"We can't have that..."

  Letting his hand slide down between Lance's legs, Lance whimpered at touch, grabbing Keith's hand and moving it back up to his stomach

"I can't... I can't... I'm too scared"

Keith wasn't particularly in the mood, he only wanted to comfort his husband

"Babe, its only me and you here. No one else... you can let go. Leave it to me..."

"It's dirty... I'm dirty"

"You're not dirty. Your body is clean..."

"But..."

"Do you remember the first time? When you asked me to take the feeling of their touches away? To replace them? Let me touch you... not sex, just touching. You're stressed, exhausted and confused... rely on me"

"It feels dirty... my skin feels itchy"

"Then let touch you... cover you in my  scent so you know I'm here"

"I'm..."

"Babe, I'm not trying to push you... I want you to know you're safe. To feel completely safe. You're in our bathroom. It's just you and me... let me give you some release"

"I feel so sick from the feeling..."

"Then let me make you feel better"

"But what about you? You still don't know how you feel about this pregnancy"

"I don't think either of us know..."

"I want to want it..."

"Then let yourself want it. Let yourself be happy..."

"I don't know if I remember how..."

"I know you do. I never should have started yelling at you..."

Let his hand wander back down, Keith grasped Lance's half erection. Whining into his ear, Lance's breath was hot... and his husband really needed to brush his teeth

"Everyone was telling me how shit a job I've done being there for you. Shiro was disappointed I broke that promise. I was disappointed no one could give me a straight answer... I can't understand if you don't talk to me"

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I don't want to be a burden..."

Twisting to hide his face, Keith jerked Lance off slowly, his free hand rubbing circles on the soft skin that would soon stretch as he swelled. Moaning into his touch, Lance spread his legs further. If their was one major pro to the Galra having built the outpost, it was that their baths were big enough for 4 humans of their size to fit. It was akin to a small swimming pool in that regard, with taps that activated by waving your hand underneath them. Being able to just barely reach within sensor distance with his toes, that's how he'd kept the water from getting too cool during Lance's nap. With how pent to his husband was, it only took a few doboshes for Lance to cum with a soft sigh of relief. Feeling for the plug chain with his toes, Keith pulled it free and gathered Lance up into his arms

"You with me, babe?"

Nuzzling him affectionately Lance took his hand in his

"I think I needed that..."

"I think you might have needed that too..."

"I can't... bring myself to do it alone... it feels wrong"

"I swear to give you all the hand jobs you want or need"

Laughing softly, Lance finally stopped nuzzling into his neck

"You might need too... I'm going to get so fat..."

"Not fat. You're stomach's going to swell up with our children"

"Mmm... yours... I... I don't know if I... it's scary... but not as scary as being raped into pregnancy... I... truly love you Keith... you're my world... I keep trying to do better but nothing works out right... it feels like every step I take forward, I'm swept right back to the start... I don't want to go back to the start"

"You're not back at the start... You're not. You're doing so much better"

"Am I? I feel like I've been in a constant panic attack since I found out. I can't sleep without Shiro there because if he's there, then they're not... I had a seizure I can't even remember... and... I blacked out so badly I forgot who Shiro was... I thought I was back there... he put me to bed, but when I woke up I still thought it... these stupid dreams are so fucking vivid... and I... I broke my promises to you... I've only known for a few quintants now and if I'm this bad already... how am I going to get through this?"

"You're going to get through this because we've both hit the end of our emotional rope. I can't... I can't keep leaving you. I can't stand not being with you..."

"You have so many obligations"

"And out of them, being your husband has always been number one. Even if it hasn't felt that way for either of us. Let's tell the others at dinner that you're coming to stay. Even if it's just for the phoeb to begin with"

"I'm scared to go to Daibazaal... they could tell I was pregnant from my scent alone. What if your team smells it on me?"

"Then I'll punch anyone who says anything in the face"

Lance gave a weak laugh

"You can't do that... I want to be excited for this..."

"Babe. You are recovering. You're allowed to be mixed up and confused because quiznak knows I am. I'm terrified, but I'm not going to walk away. Now, enough wallowing in the bath. You need to eat. I bet you haven't been keeping anything down"

"I've barely got any appetite... We need to join the others for dinner"

"Let's go by the kitchen? Hunk might have something to help the nausea"

"Ginger... is supposed to help. Lisa had bad morning sickness..."

Keith smiled. Lance seemed to be more positive, or at least he sounded more positive

"Alright. Dinner and IV bag after. Dehydrations probably making it even worse"

"I haven't been able to keep anything down"

"We'll figure this out. Together"

      *

Keith had helped him dress in a body suit beneath his husband's clothes. The fact that Keith had flipped out over the pregnancy hadn't been surprising for Lance. The fact that Keith had run hadn't been either. The fact that he'd came back... Lance was still trying to believe that. The fact that his husband had swept him up into his arms and told him that it was ok to be excited was... he had no words. Keith was excited. Keith was excited and scared like he was. Keith was excited and scared and wanted their twins... His husband hadn't left him... and even if it was pretty shitty of him to think he would, he couldn't help his stupid out of control anxieties were leaving him feeling so weak and broken it was almost like being back in the first movement on Erathus. They'd made a baby... two babies... Two living tiny people were inside his stomach right now...

  "What are you smiling about?"

Keith hadn't let him walk to the kitchen. Instead his husband was carrying him in a reverse piggyback kind of deal. Keith had offered him a piggyback, then had gotten himself all worried about putting any pressure on Lance's stomach. Now that he knew it was okayish to be ok with what was happening, he found it incredibly sweet

"You..."

  He hadn't been lying when he said he felt he was a constant panic attack. Shiro's scent was wrong, but he needed that physical human contact... his body and his mind weren't talking all that much before Keith came. Maybe because Keith was the calm in the storm that was his life... He was also the one most affected by Lance's pregnancy, being the baby daddy and all...

  "Me?"

"Yeah... I just... I'm really grateful to have you as my husband"

"I thought you were scared"

"I am. I'm fucking terrified of what's to come"

"I am too... a lot. I cried all over Shiro earlier. I didn't want to fight with you. But I still can't believe it... We hadn't had the proper kid discussion..."

"Don't you think I know that? I know how painful your past is for you... and I'm scared of what it's going to bring up for you"

"I thought I'd have time you know, being a big brother first"

  Quiznak. Right. Krolia was pregnant... The smile on his lips started slipping. Krolia should be enjoying all the attention of her only son, and his help through what was to come. Keith was going to make an absolutely amazing big brother... but he'd only get a few weeks of that before being a father.

  "You'll make an awesome big brother"

"We'll make awesome big brothers... you know mum loves you like you're her own"

"She only loves me because I love you"

"Nah. That's a bonus on top. You've really impressed her as you"

"She still scares me. I hope you know that. She's hot as hell and could snap me in half"

"I remember you saying the exact same thing before"

"It's as true now as it was then. She's not an enemy I'd like to ever make"

"Me either, honestly..."

  Keith fell into a silence that didn't quite sit right with him

"Keith... are you scared of being a big brother?"

"I..."

"You know, I mean what I said. You're going to be amazing big brother. And amazing dad. You've... been through hell. And you'd do anything you can to protect the happiness of those you care about"

"I don't know how to feel about it... now that it's actually happening... I don't have the experience"

"No. You have no idea. I've never been a big brother either..."

"You're going to be a mum... and you basically took care of all us on the Castle all the time. You're... you're going to have to teach me how to make a happy and warm family like yours"

A happy and warm family he'd started avoiding calling again... Lance couldn't picture calling home any time soon, though mami would probably call to check in on Allura day...

"You're the one who makes it happy and warm. I love you... and I know you want this... but go careful on me? When this all hits you again... and it will... if you want to run... don't hide it from me"

"I'm not going to run"

Keith had grown. In every single way possible, yet Lance knew it was still sinking it... Keith might have felt better for talking to Shiro, but how was he going to react tomorrow? Or the day after? Or the day after that?

"Babe..."

"I'm committed to you. And to them... I didn't... I didn't think... I think I'm attached to them already"

Then it would break Keith's heart if anything happened to them. That was the last thing he wanted

"I'll be careful... I'll try be careful... but babe, if we're going to Daibazaal... you're going to have to move your knives from under your bed... if I get stuck in an attack... and if I hurt you... or if I hurt me... I could... I don't want to, but I could hurt them"

"You're not going to hurt anyone"

"I hurt myself... trying to get my skin off... my face and my legs..."

"What?! Where was Shiro?!"

"Sleeping... I didn't remember until I came out of it... there was blood... I was trying to... to get Klearo off me. I'm asking you to do this for me. Kosmo's good at stopping me..."

  It was heavy. It was a heavy thing to drop on his husband. He was practically murdering Keith's happiness with his mental illness

"We can talk about it when we get there. Whatever we need to do, we'll do it together. You're my husband I love you"

"Vomit breath and all?"

"Vomit breath and all..."

   Pausing to kiss him before entering the kitchen, they were still kissing as the door opened. Letting out a long "ew", Hunk covered his eyes with a tea towel

"Guys! Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for you and all, but this is a kitchen. Please tell me you haven't defiled this sacred space"

Carrying Lance over to the side bench, his husband sat him down, giving him two quick pecks on the lips, before moving to hop up and sit on the bench beside him. Lance's stomach was already starting to roll at the normal kitchen smells. Hunk had been frying something. The stink of the oil was no friend to his pregnant state. Placing his hand on his knee, Keith squeezed it lightly in a gesture of support

"Sorry, Hunk. I missed my husband"

"Only you two would be married by accident... Holy Quiznak! Lance are you alright?!"

  Meeting each other's eyes, Lance felt as if his stomach was about two ticks from betraying him. He knew he looked ill... Hunk was a natural born worrier, if he could lie his way through talking to Hunk, Hunk would reassure everyone else

"Stomach bug I picked up from an alien. Everything is still tender, but things will be better"

"Are you sure? I've seen you looking like the living dead before, bro, but this... you look like you should still be in bed. Keith, is he..."

"Lance is alright. Like he said, he picked up a bug or two. He's had a check up, and things are good"

"Did he have that check up on Altea?"

Scrunching his brow, Lance was confused

"How did you know?"

"Ah... Pidge was going to tease you, but there are photos of Shiro carrying you in his arms being circulated by the media. You know, "trouble in paradise". And "what could this mean". I recognised the hospital in the background. If you're sick, you're better off having something light... How about I whip you up some ginger tea?"

 Why would anyone care about what he and Shiro were up to on Altea? Or care enough to take photos? And if it was across the galactic press, why hadn't Shiro said anything? Did Curtis know? The last thing he wanted was for stupid rumours to ruin Shiro's happiness.

  "Hunk, my man... Thank you. Where's Tobias?"

Or their actual cooks...

"Helping with the bar. Ugh... someone wanted to trade some things..."

The way Hunk shifted his weight concerned him

"Trade what?"

"Lance, are you buying and selling drugs here?!"

  Lance felt as if the air had been driven from his lungs. Then realised that it was the awful sensation of not being able to breath because he needed to vomit. Sliding off the bench, he rushed to the sink, heaving up what could only be described as a dollop of watery spitty bile. Heaving again, his mouth was all drooly. Coming up behind him, Keith rubbed his back as Lance hacked and spat. The Cuban was already sick of vomiting. He hated how tense it left his stomach muscles, and that "morning sickness" couldn't keep its shit to only happening in the morning

"We buy and sell everything here. If we're buying them here, then we're taking them out of circulation. We buy weapons and tech too. Babe, you've got nothing left in your stomach. Rinse your mouth out"

Keith knew there was nothing left in his stomach. He knew there was nothing left in his stomach. His stomach wasn't listening though. Reaching up he fumbled the tap on, grateful Keith was there to smoothly cover things

"But they... I thought it'd happen like some kind of shady deal... In a back corner... not in the bar in front of everyone"

Rinsing his mouth half a dozen times, Lance sipped down some water cautiously. The worst part of vomiting was the longer burn and the burning kind of smell that lasted inside of him for vargas

"You've been watching too many movies, Hunk"

"I don't want to be involved with that. I never understood how people could become dependent on something so bad for them"

Standing up, Lance sank back into Keith's touch. It was fine to have a moral code, yet it rubbed him the wrong way that Hunk was acting so naive. When it came to bounty hunting, you did whatever you had to do do to get your bounty. It was literally that simple. Quiznak. If someone came in here trying to sell slaves, he'd buy them... He'd buy them, then arrest the person at the first chance he got

"No one is going to offer you drugs here. And most of the people we serve aren't good people... but without them, things around here would be dangerous. Keith, can you get me out the plain crackers? They should be in the cupboard near the first fridge"

"They're not there. Your cooks have no idea how to organise a kitchen... I think we put them over here"

  Walking to the opposite side of the kitchen, Hunk opened one of the upper cupboards. The kitchen was arranged by Lance to be the same as his kitchen at home. Knowing he was upset and uncomfortable, Keith pushed gently on his back, encouraging him to return where they were sitting before. Opening the pack of crackers, Hunk set up a few on a small plate for him. Lance would have rather picked from the pack. He wasn't sure of his strength... which was proven when the plate Hunk gave him nearly fell on the floor. If Keith hadn't acted so quickly to prevent disaster.

  Sipping in his tea and slowly working his way through his crackers, Lance nearly fell asleep when Keith started playing with his hair. Using his fingernails to lightly scratch at his scalp, Lance was practically purring as he let Hunk and Keith's conversation slip past him. As long as he was eating and drinking, Hunk wasn't complaining about his health. Maybe he actually was and he was missing it? Yawning, Keith tugged him closer

"Babe? You good?"

"Sleepy"

"I can see that. Wanna skip dinner?"

"Nah... I wanna cuddle... here"

"Your scents evened out, and your colour looks better. How do you feel?"

"Like crackers might be my new best friend"

  "Hey! I heard that, man!"

Laughing tiredly, Lance tried to find the energy to joke, but it just wasn't there

"No one could replace my main bro"

"As long as you know that. You guys don't have to wait for dinner. We have about another varga before everything will be ready. Daehra said we're all having dinner in the second entertainment room? I can't believe you guys have a first entertainment room, let alone a second"

"Second room is... an o-o-overflow room..."

Yawning widely, he shook himself in an attempt to wake up

"Its mostly things that were already here... like tables and chairs... First entertainment room is for guests"

"We're not guests?"

"Your family... mmm, if we're having dinner there, we can head in early. There's a sofa in there"

Keith's voice came from directly next to his left ear

"I thought you wanted cuddles?"

"Sofa cuddles sound better..."

"Yes, they do. Mostly because neither of you should be sitting on the kitchen counters. Even if you own this place"

Lance ducked his head while Keith laughed. He was still nervous Hunk was going to bring drugs up again... Plus... dinner was only a varga away. Dinner with everyone...

"I think we've been told, babe. Can you give me directions?"

Lance nodded, whining at the loss of Keith's body heat as his husband climbed down off the kitchen bench. Holding his arms out limply, Keith lifted him into his arms

"I'm going to take him down there to rest before dinner. I'm looking forward to some real food. We've been stuck eating purple goo again"

"That stuff should be banned as a violation of human right. Galra rights. Universal rights. I've got things under control here. Maybe you should have Daehra take a look at Lance before dinner?"

Damn. He thought Hunk would let it go

"Hunk, it was just a bug. I'm not contagious"

"You smell funny and you're throwing up"

His chest tightened at the thought of his scent. He was wearing the suit in the hopes it would diminish his scent...

"He smells fine. Although he does need to brush his teeth"

Saved by Keith again, Lance couldn't win

""He" is right here. And he is feeling better for having kept something down"

"You know babe, we could stop by the medbay and run that IV bag before dinner?"

"No... after dinner is better. You're all worrying too much"

"Shiro literally dropped everything to pick you up. We're allowed to be worried"

Sensing his dropping mood, Keith kissed the top of his head

"I would rather Shiro drop a hundred things and know that Lance was alright. Seeing we're not heading to the med room, take your time. Mr Grumpy here needs his rest"

Why was everyone picking on him? He didn't want to be awake when the cannula went in... No. He wanted to be awake, but closer to sleep so he couldn't crave the feel of the injector needle

"That's rich, coming from you. I bet you can't even find your away around without me"

"I found my way to our room"

"That was a fluke... now let's go... I have a sofa to become friends with. Bye, Hunk! I promise we haven't done many gross things in here"

"Dude! What do you mean "many"?! Are the benches safe? Do I have to clean them again? Why are you doing gross things in here to begin with?"

As Keith walked towards the door while Hunk bombarded them questions, Lance waved over Keith's shoulder. He wasn't trying to pick a fight with Hunk, but it was so quiznakking easy to get him worked up when it came to the sanctity of the kitchen... or any kitchen for that matter.

     *

"There you losers are! You've got time to visit hunk, but no time for me!"

 Hushing Pidge, Keith stroked Lance's hair. Despite his insistence that he only wanted cuddles, Lance had drifted off into a doze soon after they'd settled down on the smaller of the two sofas. Bounding over, Pidge stopped as she smacked into the back of the sofa, half falling over and letting out a long "awwww", when she set eyes on Lance, following it by swiftly whispering

"He almost looks innocent like this... I almost don't want to wake him"

"He was woken by a bull trying to ruin my furniture"

Mumbling sleepily, Lance rolled over in his lap and poked his tongue out a Pidge

"What the quiznak is wrong with you?! Shiro said you were ill..."

"Space bug... I hear you planned to tease me for collapsing on Altea"

Shaking her head, Pidge walked around the sofa and threw herself down on the arm

"I was until I saw your face! Seriously, aren't you supposed to be some big bad bounty hunter with his own crew"

"My face! Have you looked in the mirror lately, Pidgeon"

"Oooh sick burn from the sicko"

"Damn right... Mmm..."

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Lance paled

"Babe?"

"Just feel a bit funny... can you help me up?"

"Funny?"

"Yep... I mean, I'm naturally hilarious... but I don't think my hilarity is what's trying to escape"

  Keith groaned at his husband's lameness. He knew Lance was only putting on a show for Pidge, yet he wished Lance would shut up and go back to napping. Tugging Lance up by the armpits, his husband flopped against him with a soft whine

"Babe?"

"It's ok... I think it's just dizziness from lack of sleep... or Pidge's loud voice"

"I'm...! Not that loud"

Starting at an indignant yell, Pidge quickly dropped to a whisper. Lance chuckling softly, cutting in before they started teasing each other again, Keith figured someone had to be the adult between the three of them

"You two are as bad as each other. Pidge, stop picking on the sick person. Lance you know what she's like..."

"Great going Lance, now "dad" here is telling us off. Why'd you have to go get sick right before Allura day?"

"It wasn't like it was planned. You better not have been messing with my outpost"

  Now that the spot next to them was only occupied by Lance's socked feet, Pidge slid into the spot and put Lance's feet in her lap

"You know, you really stink right. I was looking forward to hanging out with you, and seeing everything around here"

"I'll have to make it up to you next time. Next time we should go to Erathus. Have you been?"

What was on Erathus that Lance couldn't get here? Or on Daibazaal. Erathus was bad news as far as Keith was concerned. Humming, Pidge flicked Lance's toe, Lance retaliating by trying to stick his toes up her nose. Laughing as she pushed them down, she had the advantage in strength Lance admitting defeat with a small whine that was muffled by Keith's neck

"Only briefly. I didn't think you were too popular there?"

"You know what they say Pidge, if you can't beat them, let them get so well known that you can't lay a hand on them"

"No one likes a bragger"

"Yet... I bet you were eyeing off all our tech"

Huffing, Pidge crossed her arms

"Zak already took the best stuff... it pains me to admit it, but he's smart..."

"Ha! That's because my team is the best. I did hand pick them after all"

"And what does Keith have to say about this?"

 "Keith is wisely not getting involved in your sibling squabbling"

"Coward. Lance, what do you see in this guy?"

Letting his hand travel from his stomach up to rest palm down on Keith's chest, Keith was expecting some kind of sappy answer

"He's big and muscled... plus, he's got a big dick"

Pidge squawked, blushing much the way Keith was. Lance had hit his rambling stage

"I did not need to know that!"

"Yeah, babe. Pidge didn't need to know that"

"My brain power has weaned off... plus I feel funny"

"You should let me take you back to our room. I know you want to hang out with everyone, but you can't even keep up with verbally sparring with Pidge"

"Can too keep up... She's got mystical powers of confusion because she's a gremlin"

"Ya know, you're no fun when you're this sick. Why don't you sleep it off and make it up to me at breakfast tomorrow?"

"Help. I'm dying. Pidge is being kind"

"I'm always kind you arsehole"

"Now she's swearing at me! Don't tell Shiro... He still thinks she's sweet and innocent"

"That's because Shiro has good taste. I don't know what he was thinking taking the pair of you in. You're two halves of the same damn idiot, Daehra was right"

"I'm the funny one... Keith's the cute one, aren't you babe?"

"No, you're the cute one"

Pidge rolled her eyes, poking at Lance's ankle

"I see you didn't say he's the intelligent one... Still, I'll take Gremlin over ankle biter"

"If you were an ankle biter, you wouldn't be anywhere near my feet. You both need to stop fussing, I'm fine"

"Babe, you're rambling"

"Fine, I'm sleepy and fine"

"Plus you did say you felt funny"

Keith nodded as Pidge backed him up

"Babe, no one is going to think any less of you for being sick. We've already checked in with Pidge and Hunk, what you wanted to do. Pidge isn't offended any more than usual"

"But I want to have dinner with everyone... and I wanna see your team too... and your recruits"

"Which we can do in the morning"

"Why don't you nap here? If you wake up, you can meet everyone?"

"Don't wanna nap"

Pidge's howl of laughter was drowned out by the arrival of the others. Lance tensing in his arms. His hand coming to cover his mouth while his other hand went to his stomach...

"Lance?!"

"Too many scents... gonna..."

   Stumbling half a dozen steps, Pidge screamed as Lance collapsed on the floor seizing. Rushing to Lance's side, he arrived as Shiro rolled Lance onto his side, Keith catching sight of the vomit running from Lance's nose as he faced Shiro's knees. Taking Lance by the jaw, Keith's eyes shot up to meet Shiro's

"He's vomited. We need to get his mouth open"

"You're not supposed to interfere with a seizure!"

It was hard to ignore Pidge screaming at them, as Keith tried to get Lance's mouth partly open without harming him

"What happened?"

"He said he was feeling funny, Pidge and I were trying to get him to go back to bed, but he wanted to see everyone. When... when everyone came in it was too much... I think he threw up as the seizure hit..."

"He'd eaten?"

"Dry crackers and ginger tea in the kitchen when we were with Hunk... it wasn't much, but he kept them down for over a varga"

"That's more than I was able to get him to eat and keep down"

Kneeling down at his side, Pidge was crying

"What's going on? What's wrong with him? Why is no one helping him?!"

"Pidge, stop yelling. He has seizures... It's complicated..."

 Getting Lance's mouth open didn't come until his seizure finally started to lessen. Shoving his fingers into Lance's mouth Shiro didn't shy from scooping up the mess Lance kept expelling weakly. Keith rubbing Lance's back as Shiro stroked his cheek with his free hand. Glossy blue eyes blinking up at Shiro, whining weakly as he allowed Shiro to tend to him

"You had a seizure, baby. Only a dobosh or so... Can you follow my words? Just blink... don't force yourself just yet"

Lance barely blinked, but Keith was sure he saw him make the effort

"That's good baby. I'm going to lift you up now, and Shiro going to help get you back to our room. Shiro, have you cleared his airway?"

"Yeh. Lance, you ready buddy?"

  Lifting Lance, Keith found everyone staring at him. It hadn't been one of Lance's more severe seizures, but with Lance's pregnancy, every seizure was a heart attack. All Keith wanted was to get back to room and check for bruising or bleeding. The fact he'd had two seizures in the space of a movement wasn't a good sign... and... what if it continued? Lance wouldn't be able to left alone at all... not with the risk... Keith's eyes filled with unshed tears as he buried his face in his husband's hair. He should have pushed harder for Lance to rest. Lance had said he felt funny... probably the sign of a seizure coming on... but he didn't usually feel them... Making his way through their friends and the recruit, Acxa placed her hand on his shoulder

"Is he... will he?"

"He's alright now it's over. I'm sorry, I need to take care of him right now"

"I'll take care of the recruits..."

"Thank you..."

His team was probably going to be hurt that he hadn't told them. But he didn't know the full details of Lance's condition, only that the drugs weren't to blame. Instead, it seemed to him that they'd been what was keeping the seizures at bay all along.

  Catching up with them as they walked, Shiro looked wiped out

"I asked Pidge to wait until the tomorrow morning before starting with the questions. Keith, seizures..."

"Seizures while pregnant isn't a good thing. I know... there was a split tick between the sofa and reaching him that my heart stopped..."

"I think while we're on Altea, you should see if you can get him in to the hospital"

"I was... I wanted him to rest. I should have pushed harder..."

"Keith... don't..."

Softly whispering his name, Lance reached up blindly for his face

"Don't... wanted to see everyone..."

"But..."

"Please don't..."

Before he could protest again, Shiro firmly reassured him

"See. It wasn't your fault he had a seizure. Is there anything I can do?"

"We need to stop by the med room. I want to run an IV line to get his fluids up. He was looking so much better for having eaten something"

"I can get the saline bag..."

"And herbs... I... Daehra has a herbal supplement, like a vitamin pill but better"

"I heard folate is important during a pregnancy... for foetal development"

"I doubt he has any of whatever that is in his system... How much did you get him eating?"

"Some soft foods, but to be honest, they said that rest was more important than food. But with his morning sickness... I don't know what to do"

"You did a good job with him"

"Did I? I feel completely over my head..."

"You kept him going..."

"He wouldn't open up to me like he did with you"

"He's a shit like that... but he said he felt like he was in a constant panic attack. There's... something in my scent that he finds soothing. Like he can anchor himself with it... Though he's probably going to be in a rotten mood tomorrow morning. He hated sympathy and now everyone saw him having a fit. I don't think he's ready to tell everyone"

Shiro sighed, closing his eyes as he did. Keith could hear him mentally counting to 10 before opening them

"Alright. I'll help you cover for now. Lance shouldn't have to talk until he's really ready too. Not that anyone is going to judge him. I can say it was a side effect of the medication they gave him for his... what are you going with?"

"Stomach bug picked up from an alien"

Shiro raised an eyebrow

"His stomach bugs... then. If you say I told you, then you're covered as to why you're not so shocked"

For a tick Keith thought they might actually get away with it, before he deflated with a groan

"That won't work. Daehra knows Lance won't take anything and... I freaked out on Acxa earlier... I think I mentioned his seizures... Quiznak..."

"We can worry about a cover story after we get him cleaned up and settled"

"You need a shower too..."

Shiro looked down at his pants and hands

"Yeah... I guess I do..."

"And you're braver for sticking your human fingers in his mouth"

"I wasn't thinking straight. My heart's still racing from seeing him fall. If I wasn't already grey..."

"I know how you feel. I found a few around my temples... they all came from him"

"Him... isn't asleep..."

Lance's eyes were closed, and his lack of response had led Keith to believe he'd passed out with his hand on Keith's hair

"Of course you're not, Lance. Just resting your eyes?"

"Mhmm... Shiro gets it..."

"That makes one of us"

Snickering at Shiro, Lance dropped his hand to his lap

"I'm sorry... wanted to see everyone"

"It's alright, babe. We can see everyone in the morning. Sleep for me a little longer"

"Wasn't sleeping... but ok"

Quiznak. His husband was so fucking precious.

    Conquering showering with an almost unconscious Lance back when Lance was withdrawing, Shiro went about organising towels and their bed for them when they got out. Swapping when both he and Lance were done, Keith was definitely ready for sleep by the time they were both dried and dressed. Getting Lance out of his suit had been a struggle, yet his instincts wouldn't allow Shiro to help, still shaken from Lance's fall and the risk to the twins. The half-Galra's heart was still racing, even after triple checking Lance wasn't bleeding and bruised. Settling them both in bed, the first IV bag was hooked to the lamp because it was the only place he could get it to stay still. Coming out their bathroom, Shiro cast them a soft look

"Is he out?"

"Not quite. Thanks for your help"

Shiro had found Daehra's herbs for them. Thankfully she labelled her medical supplies in English or they would have spent all night figuring things out. Injecting the vitamin mix first, Lance hadn't liked it all, until Keith did some creative truthing about accidentally prickling him while trying to get the IV set up. Sitting on the edge of the bed, Shiro went to reach for Lance before pausing

"I'll find another room to crash in tonight"

Letting out a "nnngh" sound, Keith had to push space between his chest and Lance's mouth to make out this husband was trying to tell them "no"

"I think he wants you to stay"

"I don't want to be in the way"

Keith stifled down a snort

"Shiro, you've literally basically been his rock. He isn't one to ask anyone to stay, let alone sleep in the same room or bed as him. He really has to trust you to do that these days"

"He has you"

"And right now he's disorientated and out for the night. He wants you stay. Besides, this isn't the first time we've shared a bed"

  Shiro didn't seem convinced. Keith was feeling jealous of this new found best friends with Shiro thing, but had no energy to care

"I don't..."

"Shiro. I don't have the energy for this. We've all had a scare tonight. Just sleep here where you'll be able to act if anything happens"

"Fine..."

"Good"

Careful not to disturb Lance, Shiro threw his towel over towards the washing basket in the corner before joining them under the blankets. Laying facing them, his brother's expression was still filled with love for the pair of them

"I never got to congratulate you both properly tonight"

"I got him to agree to come stay on Daibazaal. We were going to discuss it with the others at dinner"

  The small moment between the three of them was interrupted by a knock on the door. Shiro climbing back out the bed to answer, revealing an anxious Hunk standing there

"Is Lance, alright!? I brought you some dinner, but if I'm in the way..."

Turning back, Shiro was leaning the decision to him

"It's alright, you can come in"

Calling softly from the bed, Keith found Lance was trying to keep his eyes open. Bopping him on the tip of the nose with his finger, his husband gifted him a dopey smile. Armed with a tray of food, tea and what seemed to be a couple of water pouches, Hunk wasn't alone as Daehra slipped in behind him...

"What's going?! How is Lance?"

Thanks to his anxieties, Lance might have trouble feeling loved by others, but both their friends were practically radiating love and concern. Clearing his throat, Shiro took it upon himself

"He had a seizure, most likely brought on from his weakened state after picking up that stomach bug"

"Is that all? You said he was alright when we were in the kitchen and next thing I know Pidge is balling her eyes out because Lance has collapsed and she didn't know what to do"

  As far as Keith knew, Lance and Pidge's relationship was still strained. Hunk looked as if he wanted to burst into tears himself

"She said Lance vomited?"

"He threw up just as the seizure hit. I hope you don't mind Daehra, we borrowed a couple of IV bags and some herbs"

"I don't mind. But I don't like not knowing what is going on with my patient"

Placing the tray of food down just below Keith's feet, Hunk worried his hands

"Will he be ok? I made some vegetable soup... and put some crackers there..."

"He'll be fine Hunk. He's simply weak right now. He was so excited about dinner with everyone he refused to slow down"

"That sounds like him... uh... um... you'll let me know if I can help, won't you?"

"Right now, the best thing you can do is not worry. He's probably going to be embarrassed tomorrow, but he's down for the night now"

"Oh. Ok. I'll just go then... Lance, I hope you feel better soon, buddy"

  When Hunk's caring aura left the room with him, Daehra crossed her arms. Keith knew the expression she wore too well

"What is going on with him?!"

"Dae..."

"First he's exhausted, then he's shutting us out... I don't know what I've done wrong, but..."

"Whoa. Dae. You haven't done anything wrong. He was sick... he still is sick. He thought it might be related to coming off his meds so had a scan on Altea. While he was there, there was a miscommunication that I was going to be there. He described it as feeling like being in a panic attack since he got home again. I've also invited him to live on Daibazaal for the next phoeb. We both know he won't stop working, so if he's not here to work... well..."

Daehra frowned, but accepted what he said

"He's an idiot. I wish he'd talk to me about all of this. I could have conducted the scan"

"From what Shiro said, he was supposed to meet with Coran over Allura day. You're all coming to the festival, aren't you?"

"Yes. Though I dread to think of what I'm going to come home to... and a phoeb without Lance around, all our regular customers are going to be upset"

"Admit it, you and Lucteal will miss him the most. Daibazaal is only a wormhole away"

"Do not tempt me. Fine. I'm trusting you to make sure he rests, and in future I hope you'll trust me enough to help you so you don't have to steal my herbs without telling me"

Keith felt a prang of guilt. Daehra and Lucteal had been watching over Lance for so long now

"I'm sorry Dae. I do trust you with him... I just... I can't let you in right now. You know those instincts Lance I share..."

"Keith, I can feel you. You barely wanted to accept Hunk in here. I want to know the tick something happens, if it happens. And I really with you'd talk to him about going onto medication for his seizures"

Being pregnant, Lance might be more open to it... then again, medication could affect the twins

"At least think about it. And don't go hiding things again"

"Yes, Daehra. Thank you..."

  Sighing heavily, Daehra moved to leave the room. Shiro staring at the door long after she'd gone

"Shiro? You ok?"

"Does she know how scary she is?"

Keith snorted

"Yeah. She does. That's the problem with trying to hide things from an empath"

Shaking his head, his brother retrieved the tray of food off the bed

"I feel bad for Hunk, but I'm not hungry at all"

Keith shook his in agreement

"I'm not hungry either. Why don't you leave it in the bathroom? Maybe we can get Lance to eat when he wakes up again?"

"Yeah. Are you sure you still want me to stay?"

"Lance wants you here. And as annoying as you are... I'm grateful to have you here. I know we need to have a talk, but thank you Shiro"

"We need to have more than a talk..."

  When Shiro finally rejoined them in bed, Lance proved he was a stubborn shit by taking Shiro's hand and placing it on his hip with a very sleepy, and very slurred "good night" to both of them. Kissing Lance's hair, Keith curled around his husband as much as he could, while Shiro waited until Lance was snoring to take his hand off his hip. If he hadn't felt like the whole day had taken a decaphoeb to get through, Keith might have made a joke over Curtis being jealous, yet at the same time, he knew he wouldn't because he knew how much Shiro must be missing his boyfriend. Curtis had the patience of a saint to put up with their antics, and he owed the man big for this.

[morphineabusee]

personal

well what a horrible 2 months of my life its been for me. Tomorrow i have a meeting with the general manager of my work to talk about im assuming getting back to work which is what i need because im slowly going insane staying in the house 24/7 its done nothing good for me being off sick from work all ive done is stop caring for myself as in not showering for weeks on end brushing my teeth washing my face I've stopped eating properly and now when i try and eat i sick it all back up my anxiety has gotten so bad due to me barely going out so when i actually do decided to go out i get extremely bad anxiety I've  become a horrible person with everything in my personal life which has gone off. so me and my mum bought a very expensive dog on impulse because our only dog we ever had died nearly a year ago and we missed having a dog in the house little did we know this dog was going to ruin our life and split up our whole family. My mum came home from work one day and he was in his cage and he wet his bad she was tired and mad and said she had enough of having this dog because i wasn't looking after him properly and we couldn't cope with him anymore because hes a baby and he needs 24.7 around the clock attention you cant leave him for a second because at 4 months old he is still not house trained so he thinks its acceptable to do his business in the house so you cant just leave him in the room out of fear hes going to do something hes not one of those dogs you can just sit on the sette with because he wants your attention all the time and wants you to play with him 24/7 and hes exhausting and difficult to look after since he wakes us all up at 4 every morning and you have to stay with him from 4-11 at night so you might understand why we are all psychically exhausted and wanted to get rid of him so my mum made a phone call t my cousin who knew some people who wanted a dog we was adamant on selling him so my cousin contacted her friend that wanted a dog and she was about to come round when me and my mum decided we wanted to keep him bad idea which didn't go down well with my cousin because it basically caused an extremely bad family argument my cousin wanted nothing to do wth my mum because of how she had treated her and how she messed about her friend with our dog and no one was really talking to my mum in my family because of what she had done to this family and she was crying every night she was saying she was going to kill herself and it was a lot because i had her putting her constant problems on my shoulders when i have my own problems its a lot to deal with slowly they all started talking to my mum again and she apologised to everyone and all was fine my dad claims my mum and dad have had problems for years and he told me that he doesn't love my mum the same anymore and that she's told so many lies over the years he doesn't know what t do anymore my mum was taking advantage of my money and has drained my dad for years and i was getting pulled into the middle of the marriage problems and obviously thats extremely upsetting for me because at the moment i basically live in a broken home my dad is in a constant bad mood with my mum and most the time hes really off with her and doesn't want to speak to her they argue pretty much all the time and then obviously it upsets my mum so she starts crying again all of these things that have been going on since i went off work have slowly made me feel worse than i already was feeling and everything is really getting to me now and i dont know how to deal or cope with anything i dont really want to go back to work because of everything that happened there and its just some dead end retail job anyway that doesn't pay enough and doesn't fullfil my happiness anymore i really want to become a makeup artist but evrryone is telling me that its an unrealistic job because its some competitive but it would make me extremely happy to go off to makeup school to study something i love rather than do an apprenticeship in something that doesnt really fuss me and i eventually wont be interested in anymore and then ill start to hate my job and not want to go to work. i cant remeber everything thats gone on in the past 2 months in complete detail but thats basically an over view to clear my head i just hope i can get back to work and start saving up some money i dont want to be working therefore ever because its not something i want to do for the rest of my life i just want to stay there to pay off my tattoos and stuff i feel like once i convince my boyfriend that ill be happier going to make up school ill be happy because i really care about his opinion and i cant go out and do something if he hasnt approved of it because then ive disappointed him and he’ll basically say i told you so which is annoying because i basically feel like i cant do anything without my boyfriend being extremely judgemental about it for example i cant go out and buy the clothes i want because he wont like them i feel like i have to get approval of every tattoo idea i want on my body for it to be good enough i cant do anything to my hair without telling him first i guess i shouldnt almost let someone control me like that but i do because hes made me care so much about what he thinks 

[nefarioussdotcom-blog]

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We're all about a healthy, happy lifestyle.  While you may be seeing a dietitian, nutritionist, asking SIRI or your mom's aunts' cousin, it all boils down to what works in your schedule, doesn't cost you an arm and a leg, slips right into your exercise regime (walking, jogging, yoga, pilates, gym, outdoor sports), makes you happy and ensures you live your best life!

Today, I will be speaking with you about FOOD and how it can become your friend and not your foe.

First, let me start by saying...

Speaking from experience, eating is a sensitive topic, because it's about a lot more than just putting something in our mouths and swallowing.

Deep down you know who you are.  You are not defined by what you wear, what you drive, where you live, where you kids goes to school, what board you have when surfing/skating - you are beautiful and we love you just the way you are!  If you remember that, we can help you on this incredible journey.  Not alone, but every step of the way with you!

So let's get to it:  Lesson 1:  The way we consume things has a great deal of impact on not only ourselves, but on the people around us.

What we choose to eat affects our bodies, but it also affects the way we socialize, the things we buy, the way the food market evolves, the way farmers and other food producers produce or obtain food to sell us, and ultimately, our entire World.

A lot of the food we think is healthy, isn’t actually healthy.

And we get so mired in the details of counting calories, obsessing over supplements, and trying to learn the meaning of big words like aspartame, hydrolyzed protein, and hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia (just kidding about that last one!) that we lose track of how our food choices are really impacting us, and those around us.

Obviously, what we eat is critical to our well-being, in more ways than one.

We all know that eating a box of anything-from-the-bakery in one sitting is not healthy, but what IS a truly healthy diet?

The problem is, no one seems to know.

Of course, we know some things, and there are plenty of experts hawking new discoveries everywhere you turn. In this Information Age, particularly, the sheer quantity of food-related information available to us is overwhelming.

In general, we have too much. Too much food choices, too much information, too much confusion.

Of course, for some people with certain sensitivities or physical conditions such as diabetes or celiac disease, understanding the intricacies of their diet is extremely important.  (To note, we are not Doctors.  Just women with a passion to help men and women out there, live their best lives.)

But for the rest of us, we’ve made eating way too complicated.

The problem is, it’s hard to navigate the complicated world of nutrition to figure out what really is best for us. Decades of preserved/processed foods, technology, and advertising has confused us so thoroughly that we often don’t realize how our food is affecting us.

With all that said...

How can we be better at EATING?

1.  LISTEN TO YOUR BODY

Your body is ingenuously designed (in other words: it’s pretty smart). If it doesn’t feel good, it will tell you — if you’re willing to listen.

The main to understand is this:  everyone is different and will respond different to what you give it or do to it.  The main constant is healthy goodness.  No matter who you are, you can't go wrong with straight from the Earth products, without claiming it will cure a medical condition, make you lose weight or miraculously make you Wonder Woman, Super Man or Sky High Gifted Kids.

Let me tell you a story.  7 years ago I represented my beautiful country as a National Beauty Queen on an International stage with nothing, but a Size 2 body.  Not a Size 0 as most people would make you believe!

I was incredibly happy, proud to be up there, seeing my mom in the audience, cheering me on after three months of intense training, a high protein diet and supplements I'd rather not talk about.  I was simply on a high and in the best shape I'd ever been.  That was me at 28.

Fast forward nearly two years and I literally hit a wall - well a truck to be precise, losing my left leg and shattering my right, one December holiday.  It collapsed my World into a dark pit of 'what the hell now'?  

Two months of hospital food, lots of prescribed drugs, IV's, prosthetic's (I lost my left leg and broke my right in a million places), crutches and a wheelchair later, I signed myself out to head home, only to face my mom's TLC cooking with butter and cream and all the hearty goodness you'd come to expect from a caring and loving mother.

This set me back a lot and made me gain just about 10 kilograms/22 pounds.  

Seven years later, I'm not back to my 28-year-old-model-bod, but I'm working on being my most healthy self.   I dish up an adult portion and usually end up eating only a kids portion of it, when I'm hungry - teaching myself that I can eat less - it's just my mind playing tricks on me.  When I crave something salty, I drink water and when I crave something sweet I eat a fruit.  If I hit a 'debby-downer' moment, I grab a handful of nuts.  The best part of my eating plan is that I never have to worry about those dreaded missed vitamins and minerals though and here's why.

How many of you take multi-vitamins a day?  Getting older it is one of the things we are told whenever we feel something's a miss.

I'd like to tell you that our Tribal Wellness Movement offers something similar to a multi-vitamin, without any chemical properties that will do the same job, made from only fruits and vegetables AND make you feel like you're on top of the absolute World - and, if you're like my niece Megan, that don't do pills at all - I can even offer them to in a chew-able form.  Now that's what I call, genius!

In short, putting healthy, grown from the Earth, straight off the farm,easy-in-your-lunchbox or zip-lock baggy goodness in your tummy, will make it smile right back at you!

Want to know more...leave a comment/your story/your eating problem below this blog for us.  We'd love to hear from you!

2.  PLAN AHEAD

When you already know what you need to eat, the best way to fall off the wagon and start consuming things you know are not good for you, is to not be prepared.

I’m not saying you have to spend ten hours every Sunday preparing your entire week’s meal plan ahead of time (unless you want to).

But don’t allow yourself to just “go with the flow” and pick up things here and there whenever you’re hungry. If you do that, you are more likely to eat unhealthily than healthily AND spending tons more money than your budget allows  —  it’s the way our current environment is designed.

Our whole food based nutrition, including juice powder concentrates from 25 different fruits, vegetables and grains helps bridge the gap between what you should eat and what you do eat every day. Not a multivitamin, medicine, treatment or cure for any disease, our capsules are made from quality ingredients carefully monitored from farm to capsule to provide natural nutrients your body needs to be at its best.

Best of all, if you're a mom or dad, when you ask us for yours, YOU'LL GET YOUR KIDS' ABSOLUTELY FREE! [Want to know more?  Drop us a line at the bottom]

3. TAKE YOUR TIME

Sometimes we simply eat too fast to take note of what we’re actually putting in our bodies.

If you've ever played a sport or a music instrument or studied for exams, you'd remember that you didn't simply wake up that morning with a spring in your step and just the right moves to ace it every game, symphony or test.  You'd have to spend weeks preparing, ensuring the right process was followed to get you to your best.

Our Tribal Wellness Movement recommends a 90 day steady injection of earthy goodness.  Let your body be testament to what fuels it best.

Why do we need it?

Everyone wants to eat right and maintain a healthier lifestyle—whether you're a busy mom hustling to feed on-the-go children, a business traveler trying to stay fit, or an active boomer keeping up with grand kids. Unfortunately, maintaining a balanced nutritional diet is often a challenge. In simplest terms, healthy eating is about getting back to basics − by following the latest USDA guidelines, like those from USDA’s My Plate. The current recommendation for a healthy diet is to fill half your plate at each meal with fruits and vegetables. But healthy eating takes time, planning, and can cost a lot of money. Most of us suffer from a daily fruit and vegetable consumption gap as a result. Rich in vitamins and antioxidants, our products can help you fill that hole in your diet.

The Benefits of Wholefood Based Nutrition or as we like to call it:  The Importance of a Healthy Diet

The best way to reduce your risk of disease is to eat healthy. The right fuel in your body makes it run better. Fruits and vegetables are two key food groups known to contribute to better health. Our wholefood products puts more of the valuable nutrition from fruits and vegetables back into your diet to improve health and wellness. Give yourself a better diet and a healthier lifestyle.

We'd like to highlight an absolutely incredible health transformation:  Anna Cameron.  Thanks so much for sharing your story!

As a mum of two... I know exhaustion (like most parents do). And just over a year ago I was in the thick of it. Breastfeeding my youngest... my baby and toddler tag teaming waking in the night... and my hubby having knee surgery... which meant he couldn’t help settle the girls. My brain fog was thick, stress was building, my hair was falling out in clumps and anxiety I felt in years past was creeping back into my world.

So I knew something had to change. The worst part was that I was ready to go get medicated for the anxiety (which was also playing havoc on my mind as I don’t usual even take Panadol). Amazingly, somehow at that moment, I found a program that really spoke to me... all natural, safe for me and my baby while breast feeding, and for the rest of my family. Knowing the alternative, I had to try.

After less than two weeks of starting on the program and using the capsules, and complete powder, I noticed an incredible change in my energy. I no longer needed afternoon naps and was getting better sleep at night (when we got it). Almost instantly I noticed my hair stopped falling out in huge clumps, and I felt like somehow the baby brain fog I had lived in for the past 2.5 years had actually lifted. Probably most surprisingly the anxiety that I was feeling, and was just about to medicate myself for was all but gone 💕🙌🏽.

I honestly couldn’t believe it... but also do realise how I had not been taking care of myself, because I was so concentrated on taking care of my family. So it actually makes total sense that the extra nutrients were helping to get my body functioning properly again.

One year on... I have not looked back. In addition to the benefits above, I found my sugar cravings disappear... i have been making small consistent changes in my eating and have lost a total of 14 kgs... I feel healthier than ever (something I would not have expected to say after my 2 babies).

Incredibly, I have not had more than a runny nose for over a year. And probably even more impressive is my daughters' immunity, they have the chews everyday (they LOVE them)... and while all of our friends seem to roll through sickness after sickness, temperature after temperature, the girls have missed it all and have had minor colds at worst over the winter ✨🙌... a parent's dream come true!!

I would admit that I was skeptical of the products when I read about them initially... and I truly though I was pretty healthy and that good food was the answer. The real problem was that I had no time to look after myself and I was definitely not getting the much needed nutrients from my usual meal of peanut butter on toast. We can all say we have good intentions, but this program allowed me to make my intentions a reality, quickly and conveniently.

Grateful is an understatement ❤️

#exhaustion #hairloss #brainfog #anxiety #weightloss #sugarcravings#strongimmunesystems #healthykids

We'd love to hear what your goals are (weight loss, weight gain, muscle gain, a healthy glow), the frustrations of day to day aches and pains, shopping wows and anything else you'd like to share with us. Get in touch with us today.  

[chemochronicles]

The Day That Happened. Gas station poop dilemmas and other stories: A Day in the Life with severe Chronic Graft vs Host Disease.

This is my gas station poop story. If you can’t handle it, I warmly invite you to stop reading.

First things first: a small update. I don’t have energy to write a full one, but this has been the hardest physical month of my life living daily with chronic GVHD thus far. I had a few different separate bad reactions a few weeks ago which put me in the ER, unable to open my eyes or mouth in all severe pain, or move my body without severe scleroderma skin hardening/tightening/cracking pain nonstop for around 5 days. My team wanted me to be an inpatient for two weeks for pain management and IV nutrition but they didn’t have any beds available. Thankfully it’s much more comfortable for me to be at home though with all of my autoimmune relief protocols so it worked out better. I’ll share a better update when I have less going on… the good news is though, I am seeing small results from the photopheresis blood treatments, my skin is improving little by little. Which means that they’re working for now, and we hope to see more improvements as the months pass! Please keep praying! I also had a little accident where I lost the first layer of my eye and now have large (not visible) wounds on the outer later, the last few days I haven’t been able to open them at all but thanks to the help of a friend I was able to get this finally put together! I am waiting to get an appointment to have these special PROSE (prosthetic) eye contact lenses made, as well as special blood serum tears spun from 30 viles of my own blood from the only clinic in California who offers this technology, in Irvine. What a blessing that I have this accessible to me! My eyes are so dry they’ve been unable to heal, and I can’t open my eyes at all without heavy pain killers. So please pray that my eyes would miraculously heal quicker than we expect, or that all of these processes would be expedited.  All of my issues are very specific and require specialists who book out pretty far in advance. 

Back to my story! 

The day that happened. 

The morning started off better than usual. My acupuncturist who has become one of my favorite people in the world lent me her very own healing mini biomat. She has a full sized Amethyst Biomat in her office that is amazing if you go 2-3x a week for chronic inflammatory health issues. But she wanted to see if using a portable size one at home each night might make a difference with all of my severe symptoms, so she let me borrow her personal one to try sleeping on and using whenever I have time at home during the day for two weeks. God is so kind to place so many sweet people in my life who are going out of their way to help me!

Not gonna lie, I was skeptical. I have tried many wellness tech devices in clinics and at home and didn’t expect much more of this one. But my goodness, does that thing make a world of a difference when you’re using it consistently for insomnia, chronic pain, chronic fatigue and so much more! I could sing it’s praises and would love to learn more about this technology so I can share more and help my other chronic pain suffering friends!

SPEAKING OF WHICH! Kathleen and I put together a little Spring Seasonal discount for my friends and readers, if you’re interested in trying the full sized Amethyst Healing Biomat that she has available to reserve for 30 minutes in her space. She’d like to extend a little discount to you as well as a free acupuncture consultation to those who are interested. She has helped me reverse many of my food allergies, other environmental sensitivities, and helps me SO much with my other severe symptoms as well, which all in turn has helped me along this path. She works a lot using acupressure with kids, helping them reverse their health issues by balancing out their allergies! She’s a wonderful resource that I’d be selfish to keep to myself! I love it when my friends are able to both be helped and also supported by the people who’ve helped me! I’ll share details at the bottom! ♥️

Anyways. I was pleasantly surprised and a complete believer after using it every day for two weeks. So when most mornings I wake up feeling like I got hit by a train until I wait for pain relief to kick in, I woke up feeling better than I had in months. I was only in 5/10 pain as opposed to the usual 7/10. My sandpaper eyes were still glued shut but once I finished my two hour morning biohacking wellness routine I was ready to leave the house less tempted to have a bad attitude, which is everything for me these days!

Earlier that week a sweet friend dropped off the most amazing Julia Child worthy home baked rotisserie chicken, to which I used the leftover bones to make some pretty incredible broth! I was feeling blessings surrounding me from every side in the midst of all of those storms raging. I hadn’t been able to eat solid food in over a month or two and haven’t been able to function (eat / drink / talk / + constant sharp pain caused by ulcers, scleroderma hardening & tightening limiting the ability to swallow and also meanwhile thinning of the mucous membrane lining of my cheeks and tongue and other inside skin, causing severe sensitivity to even water) without lidocaine for a few weeks. So any taste of flavor without tears was a major win! My mom came and picked me up around noon to leave to see my natural doctor. She’s 90, and a naturopath with PhD’s in nutrition and biochemistry and is also a super sweet believer who works within the field of energy medicine, along with analyzing blood work and balancing the body using Russian astronaut biofeedback technology. (I could nerd OUT about wellness tech, guys. All day LONG!)

She has saved my life SEVERAL times over the last 8 years in some seriously hard times when the field of medicine wasn’t able to! So the morning was GOOD! It took me an hour and a half on the drive there to drink my bone broth with small bites of fresh soft sourdough with ghee on top for lunch. It only hurt maybe 4/10 instead of the usual 8!!! But I FINISHED it! It was the first meal I completed since I couldn’t remember! I played Oh Happy Day and rejoiced at that win for a few minutes.

The appointment was wonderful as always but super long because she invests time and care into each patient. I was drained. And by drained, I mean I couldn’t open my eyes, mouth, or lift a finger. When I say drained, I mean debilitating exhaustion caused by adrenal failure (what happens when you take steroids for too long, but that’s also how they TREAT GVHD! So. It’s a pickle that I’m in! We were parked on the freeway at 6:30pm. My GVHD of the GI tract decided to take its vengeance out on me at this pinnacle moment… we stopped at a Starbucks just in time… it’s hard to move because scleroderma has hardened and tightened the skin on my body from the neck down, and sometimes that causes people to eventually be in wheelchairs or on oxygen because of the loss of mobility. So I’m fighting hard against that with physical therapy and everything else… but the struggle is real!

We get back on the freeway, and sure enough, I feel another rumble. We hurry off to a well lit gas station. I hurry in and ask the Lord to please help me NOT recreate any dumb and dumber scenes. I guess this is my life now. This is fine. Ugh, do I have to start wearing depends? Does this mean I can’t wear my beloved leggings anymore? Who am I?! All these thoughts keep running through my mind. This is not my home.

This. Is. Not. My. Home.

A grizzly looking man with an eye patch and a reflective neon yellow vest with the bathroom key walks past me into the bathroom. He looks at me as he closes the door with a dirty looking gender neutral sign hanging on the back. I look nervous. He looks like the kind of man who might intentionally miss his aim. Excellent.

I’m dizzy so I lean against a magazine stand, close my eyes and continue to pour my heart out to my Counselor through each tummy grumble… in that moment, when life just felt unbearable… I was just so done. I love Caleb. I adore him. I would give absolutely anything to make him happy. My love for him and my fear of God are what keeps me motivated to stay alive and fight every minute of the day. And it’s a true driving motivation.

But in that moment… I was selfish. It was cold. My joints have been getting severely painful in the cold, it makes me shiver and have trouble breathing and then I start to panic. I was begging God to help me not have an accident right there on that gas station store floor. I asked God to please help me not catch any of these nasty germs that I was unable to fight off in this dirty bathroom. Asking Him to give me strength to breathe through the cold, strength to breathe through my anxiety, through the scleroderma breathing issues and grant me enough range of mobility in my skin during those few cold steps to the bathroom without crying from the joint, skin, lung, ulcer, eye, mouth and tummy pain. So in that moment… and in light of all the thousands of moments each day perfectly mimicking that one… I begged God to please, just let some crazy psycho come in and just shoot me in the back of the head really nice, painless and fast (Don’t worry friends I’m not remotely suicidal).

It’s funny the things you start to pray for when your body is failing.

It seems trivial now to pray for things like my finger nails to stop falling out, my hair to grow back, to be able to wear jeans and heels again… To attend church, to serve, to live, to be a mother someday… when in the same breath each minute, I’m also asking God to grant me the strength to help me take another step, another breath, and help me to chew and swallow an entire meal in without a single tear or regurgitation.

Life is a funny thing.

And I also say that, with 100% peace, assurance, confidence and joy. I am rejoicing in HOPE in JESUS through every impossible step.

Guys, I’m THIS low, there’s no confident end in sight. This is just my life now. I don’t know if I’m going to have to suffer with this for another long and painful 50 years like Joni Earickson Tada has had to endure, if I’m going to happily die and see my Savior’s face next year or if I’m going to happily heal and God will use Caleb and I mightily together here until it’s time to go to the comfort and glorious perfection of Home.

But in light of Romans 8, I have never been able to say more confidently that God is good. In light of THAT, I can truly laugh at the days to come! Proverbs 31:25. So if you’re truly a believer, stop complaining. You’re gonna be fine. Rejoice in hope!

Anyways. Icky grizzly man walks out and hands me your typical long black gas station bathroom key holder and key. They’re wet. And there’s no napkins in there. I’m still asking Jesus for help throughout this entire process because without His strength I, millennially, just “CANT EVEN.“

So there I am.

MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS.

LITERALLY. 💩

Thinking that the door is locked… because… I have the lock and key. And that’s how those things work.

So there I am… giving my body the release it needed… when BOOM. The door SWINGS NICE AND WIDE OPEN.

I’m not usually abrupt in that type of a situation when I know it’s an accident. But this girl, probably around my age lingered way too long with that door wide open for all to see so I yell at her, “CLOSE THE DOOR! I’m sorry! I thought it was locked! Please close it!!! CLOSE IT! PLEASE CLOSE IT! CLOSE THE DOOR!” Oh my gosh, does this girl not speak English? Hmm.. I’m trying to frantically remember Spanish (to which I failed in high school twice) and draw an unsurprising blank. Isn’t this common sense!? Can she not see and smell what is happening right now!?!?

This girl had to have been on something. Because she just gives me this entitled expression and says, “ummm I have to go!?!?”

I tell her again, “You need to wait! Close the door! CLOSE THE DOOR PLEASE! PLEASE CLOSE THE DOOR! CLOSE THE DOOR! GET OUT!”

Oh Lord help me.

Oh my gosh people. Meanwhile. REAL LIFE IS HAPPENING AND THE DOOR IS WIDE OPEN FOR ALL THE GAS STATION CUSTOMERS TO SEE MY EXPOSED SELF AND MY SCENT IS NOT REMOTELY RESEMBLING IT’S USUALLY BEAUTIFUL AROMA AND OH MY GOSH CAN LIFE POSSIBLY GET ANY WORSE RIGHT NOW.

The door swings wide open and closed maybe 10 times. She keeps repeating herself. Many expletives  are running through my mind but none seem adequate or appropriate to say out loud as I was literally just talking to Jesus like 30 seconds ago. I finish, clean myself up and try to exit the bathroom but she stops me at the door and gets in my face and says…

CAN I HAVE FIVE DOLLARS?!

And at this point I’m just GIDDY! I mean come on, this is COMEDY GOLD.

WHAT IS MY LIFE!?!? 😂

So I respond by saying… I AM SO SICK AND YOU JUST RAN ME OUT OF THE BATHROOM WITH DIARRHEA, NO, YOU CANNOT HAVE FIVE DOLLARS.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

But you guys, this entire day was worth it because of that moment. And that story. Because who else can say that they’ve literally been ran out of a gas station bathroom with diarrhea AND heckled for money at the same time!?

I win. 👍🏻

And that, my friends, is my gas station poop story. That was just another average day in my life! What else can you do but embrace the inevitable chaos? God likes slapstick potty humor too I guess, haha.😂.

The struggle is real. But so is Jesus.

The end.

PS.

My acupuncturist Kathleen and I put together a little Spring Seasonal discount for my friends and readers. If you’re interested in trying the full sized Amethyst Healing Biomat to see if it’d help with any of your chronic pain, inflammation issues, or just would like a nice, warm & quiet rejuvenating 30 minute self care treatment, she would like to extend a little discount to you guys! If you call her office which is in a shared wellness center in Canyon Country 661-252-4100 and schedule your first biomat session with Kennealley Acupuncture, mention me (Elisabeth Effinger) or my Chemo Chronicles blog. From March 20 through June 20 you’ll recurve a 30 minute relaxing, warm pain relieving biomat session for $20 instead of $35 and a free 20 minute acupuncture consultation. If you or any of your children or family members struggle with food sensitivities or unexplainable symptoms, she might be able to help you too. She is certified in an allergy elimination technique, she’s actually helped a LOT of kids and families in the SCV area by helping remove food allergies using acupuncture (or acupressure for kids).

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

CSUAPR PRT 8 START

When Lance fell asleep in his lap in their bath, Keith let him rest. His husband looked so incredibly fragile as he placed the entirety of his trust in Keith protecting him. For Keith's part, he couldn't keep his hands off Lance's stomach, rubbing softly until his husband moaned in his sleep and he was forced to behave himself. The quintant was definitely not how things were supposed to go. Lance was supposed to have a simple bug or something. Something he knew how to handle and how to be there for. Not a baby... or twins... Twins... as in two... Finding his hand gripping Lance's stomach by his fingertips, his husband roused slightly. By his estimate, they'd probably been in the bathtub for the last two vargas or so

"Keith?"

"I'm here..."

"You're playing with my tummy..."

"It's a cute little tummy"

Moving to nuzzle at Keith's jawline, Lance gave a small yawn before kiss him randomly

"We're having a baby"

"Yeah... we're even having two..."

"You knocked me up good like you said you would"

"This is true... How do you feel?"

Lance snorted as if something was funny

"Honestly... exhausted and horny... if I'm not sick, scared, freaking out or sleeping, I've been really fucking horny... Not like... not like in my heat, but at the same time, I feel it... like a bite... you know, it's there but you can't scratch it... or rather, I've been trying to not scratch it..."

No wonder Lance had snorted. Horny wasn't on Keith's list of expected replies. Chuckling affectionately, he kissed his lover's hair

"We can't have that..."

  Letting his hand slide down between Lance's legs, Lance whimpered at touch, grabbing Keith's hand and moving it back up to his stomach

"I can't... I can't... I'm too scared"

Keith wasn't particularly in the mood, he only wanted to comfort his husband

"Babe, its only me and you here. No one else... you can let go. Leave it to me..."

"It's dirty... I'm dirty"

"You're not dirty. Your body is clean..."

"But..."

"Do you remember the first time? When you asked me to take the feeling of their touches away? To replace them? Let me touch you... not sex, just touching. You're stressed, exhausted and confused... rely on me"

"It feels dirty... my skin feels itchy"

"Then let touch you... cover you in my  scent so you know I'm here"

"I'm..."

"Babe, I'm not trying to push you... I want you to know you're safe. To feel completely safe. You're in our bathroom. It's just you and me... let me give you some release"

"I feel so sick from the feeling..."

"Then let me make you feel better"

"But what about you? You still don't know how you feel about this pregnancy"

"I don't think either of us know..."

"I want to want it..."

"Then let yourself want it. Let yourself be happy..."

"I don't know if I remember how..."

"I know you do. I never should have started yelling at you..."

Let his hand wander back down, Keith grasped Lance's half erection. Whining into his ear, Lance's breath was hot... and his husband really needed to brush his teeth

"Everyone was telling me how shit a job I've done being there for you. Shiro was disappointed I broke that promise. I was disappointed no one could give me a straight answer... I can't understand if you don't talk to me"

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I don't want to be a burden..."

Twisting to hide his face, Keith jerked Lance off slowly, his free hand rubbing circles on the soft skin that would soon stretch as he swelled. Moaning into his touch, Lance spread his legs further. If their was one major pro to the Galra having built the outpost, it was that their baths were big enough for 4 humans of their size to fit. It was akin to a small swimming pool in that regard, with taps that activated by waving your hand underneath them. Being able to just barely reach within sensor distance with his toes, that's how he'd kept the water from getting too cool during Lance's nap. With how pent to his husband was, it only took a few doboshes for Lance to cum with a soft sigh of relief. Feeling for the plug chain with his toes, Keith pulled it free and gathered Lance up into his arms

"You with me, babe?"

Nuzzling him affectionately Lance took his hand in his

"I think I needed that..."

"I think you might have needed that too..."

"I can't... bring myself to do it alone... it feels wrong"

"I swear to give you all the hand jobs you want or need"

Laughing softly, Lance finally stopped nuzzling into his neck

"You might need too... I'm going to get so fat..."

"Not fat. You're stomach's going to swell up with our children"

"Mmm... yours... I... I don't know if I... it's scary... but not as scary as being raped into pregnancy... I... truly love you Keith... you're my world... I keep trying to do better but nothing works out right... it feels like every step I take forward, I'm swept right back to the start... I don't want to go back to the start"

"You're not back at the start... You're not. You're doing so much better"

"Am I? I feel like I've been in a constant panic attack since I found out. I can't sleep without Shiro there because if he's there, then they're not... I had a seizure I can't even remember... and... I blacked out so badly I forgot who Shiro was... I thought I was back there... he put me to bed, but when I woke up I still thought it... these stupid dreams are so fucking vivid... and I... I broke my promises to you... I've only known for a few quintants now and if I'm this bad already... how am I going to get through this?"

"You're going to get through this because we've both hit the end of our emotional rope. I can't... I can't keep leaving you. I can't stand not being with you..."

"You have so many obligations"

"And out of them, being your husband has always been number one. Even if it hasn't felt that way for either of us. Let's tell the others at dinner that you're coming to stay. Even if it's just for the phoeb to begin with"

"I'm scared to go to Daibazaal... they could tell I was pregnant from my scent alone. What if your team smells it on me?"

"Then I'll punch anyone who says anything in the face"

Lance gave a weak laugh

"You can't do that... I want to be excited for this..."

"Babe. You are recovering. You're allowed to be mixed up and confused because quiznak knows I am. I'm terrified, but I'm not going to walk away. Now, enough wallowing in the bath. You need to eat. I bet you haven't been keeping anything down"

"I've barely got any appetite... We need to join the others for dinner"

"Let's go by the kitchen? Hunk might have something to help the nausea"

"Ginger... is supposed to help. Lisa had bad morning sickness..."

Keith smiled. Lance seemed to be more positive, or at least he sounded more positive

"Alright. Dinner and IV bag after. Dehydrations probably making it even worse"

"I haven't been able to keep anything down"

"We'll figure this out. Together"

      *

Keith had helped him dress in a body suit beneath his husband's clothes. The fact that Keith had flipped out over the pregnancy hadn't been surprising for Lance. The fact that Keith had run hadn't been either. The fact that he'd came back... Lance was still trying to believe that. The fact that his husband had swept him up into his arms and told him that it was ok to be excited was... he had no words. Keith was excited. Keith was excited and scared like he was. Keith was excited and scared and wanted their twins... His husband hadn't left him... and even if it was pretty shitty of him to think he would, he couldn't help his stupid out of control anxieties were leaving him feeling so weak and broken it was almost like being back in the first movement on Erathus. They'd made a baby... two babies... Two living tiny people were inside his stomach right now...

  "What are you smiling about?"

Keith hadn't let him walk to the kitchen. Instead his husband was carrying him in a reverse piggyback kind of deal. Keith had offered him a piggyback, then had gotten himself all worried about putting any pressure on Lance's stomach. Now that he knew it was okayish to be ok with what was happening, he found it incredibly sweet

"You..."

  He hadn't been lying when he said he felt he was a constant panic attack. Shiro's scent was wrong, but he needed that physical human contact... his body and his mind weren't talking all that much before Keith came. Maybe because Keith was the calm in the storm that was his life... He was also the one most affected by Lance's pregnancy, being the baby daddy and all...

  "Me?"

"Yeah... I just... I'm really grateful to have you as my husband"

"I thought you were scared"

"I am. I'm fucking terrified of what's to come"

"I am too... a lot. I cried all over Shiro earlier. I didn't want to fight with you. But I still can't believe it... We hadn't had the proper kid discussion..."

"Don't you think I know that? I know how painful your past is for you... and I'm scared of what it's going to bring up for you"

"I thought I'd have time you know, being a big brother first"

  Quiznak. Right. Krolia was pregnant... The smile on his lips started slipping. Krolia should be enjoying all the attention of her only son, and his help through what was to come. Keith was going to make an absolutely amazing big brother... but he'd only get a few weeks of that before being a father.

  "You'll make an awesome big brother"

"We'll make awesome big brothers... you know mum loves you like you're her own"

"She only loves me because I love you"

"Nah. That's a bonus on top. You've really impressed her as you"

"She still scares me. I hope you know that. She's hot as hell and could snap me in half"

"I remember you saying the exact same thing before"

"It's as true now as it was then. She's not an enemy I'd like to ever make"

"Me either, honestly..."

  Keith fell into a silence that didn't quite sit right with him

"Keith... are you scared of being a big brother?"

"I..."

"You know, I mean what I said. You're going to be amazing big brother. And amazing dad. You've... been through hell. And you'd do anything you can to protect the happiness of those you care about"

"I don't know how to feel about it... now that it's actually happening... I don't have the experience"

"No. You have no idea. I've never been a big brother either..."

"You're going to be a mum... and you basically took care of all us on the Castle all the time. You're... you're going to have to teach me how to make a happy and warm family like yours"

A happy and warm family he'd started avoiding calling again... Lance couldn't picture calling home any time soon, though mami would probably call to check in on Allura day...

"You're the one who makes it happy and warm. I love you... and I know you want this... but go careful on me? When this all hits you again... and it will... if you want to run... don't hide it from me"

"I'm not going to run"

Keith had grown. In every single way possible, yet Lance knew it was still sinking it... Keith might have felt better for talking to Shiro, but how was he going to react tomorrow? Or the day after? Or the day after that?

"Babe..."

"I'm committed to you. And to them... I didn't... I didn't think... I think I'm attached to them already"

Then it would break Keith's heart if anything happened to them. That was the last thing he wanted

"I'll be careful... I'll try be careful... but babe, if we're going to Daibazaal... you're going to have to move your knives from under your bed... if I get stuck in an attack... and if I hurt you... or if I hurt me... I could... I don't want to, but I could hurt them"

"You're not going to hurt anyone"

"I hurt myself... trying to get my skin off... my face and my legs..."

"What?! Where was Shiro?!"

"Sleeping... I didn't remember until I came out of it... there was blood... I was trying to... to get Klearo off me. I'm asking you to do this for me. Kosmo's good at stopping me..."

  It was heavy. It was a heavy thing to drop on his husband. He was practically murdering Keith's happiness with his mental illness

"We can talk about it when we get there. Whatever we need to do, we'll do it together. You're my husband I love you"

"Vomit breath and all?"

"Vomit breath and all..."

   Pausing to kiss him before entering the kitchen, they were still kissing as the door opened. Letting out a long "ew", Hunk covered his eyes with a tea towel

"Guys! Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for you and all, but this is a kitchen. Please tell me you haven't defiled this sacred space"

Carrying Lance over to the side bench, his husband sat him down, giving him two quick pecks on the lips, before moving to hop up and sit on the bench beside him. Lance's stomach was already starting to roll at the normal kitchen smells. Hunk had been frying something. The stink of the oil was no friend to his pregnant state. Placing his hand on his knee, Keith squeezed it lightly in a gesture of support

"Sorry, Hunk. I missed my husband"

"Only you two would be married by accident... Holy Quiznak! Lance are you alright?!"

  Meeting each other's eyes, Lance felt as if his stomach was about two ticks from betraying him. He knew he looked ill... Hunk was a natural born worrier, if he could lie his way through talking to Hunk, Hunk would reassure everyone else

"Stomach bug I picked up from an alien. Everything is still tender, but things will be better"

"Are you sure? I've seen you looking like the living dead before, bro, but this... you look like you should still be in bed. Keith, is he..."

"Lance is alright. Like he said, he picked up a bug or two. He's had a check up, and things are good"

"Did he have that check up on Altea?"

Scrunching his brow, Lance was confused

"How did you know?"

"Ah... Pidge was going to tease you, but there are photos of Shiro carrying you in his arms being circulated by the media. You know, "trouble in paradise". And "what could this mean". I recognised the hospital in the background. If you're sick, you're better off having something light... How about I whip you up some ginger tea?"

 Why would anyone care about what he and Shiro were up to on Altea? Or care enough to take photos? And if it was across the galactic press, why hadn't Shiro said anything? Did Curtis know? The last thing he wanted was for stupid rumours to ruin Shiro's happiness.

  "Hunk, my man... Thank you. Where's Tobias?"

Or their actual cooks...

"Helping with the bar. Ugh... someone wanted to trade some things..."

The way Hunk shifted his weight concerned him

"Trade what?"

"Lance, are you buying and selling drugs here?!"

  Lance felt as if the air had been driven from his lungs. Then realised that it was the awful sensation of not being able to breath because he needed to vomit. Sliding off the bench, he rushed to the sink, heaving up what could only be described as a dollop of watery spitty bile. Heaving again, his mouth was all drooly. Coming up behind him, Keith rubbed his back as Lance hacked and spat. The Cuban was already sick of vomiting. He hated how tense it left his stomach muscles, and that "morning sickness" couldn't keep its shit to only happening in the morning

"We buy and sell everything here. If we're buying them here, then we're taking them out of circulation. We buy weapons and tech too. Babe, you've got nothing left in your stomach. Rinse your mouth out"

Keith knew there was nothing left in his stomach. He knew there was nothing left in his stomach. His stomach wasn't listening though. Reaching up he fumbled the tap on, grateful Keith was there to smoothly cover things

"But they... I thought it'd happen like some kind of shady deal... In a back corner... not in the bar in front of everyone"

Rinsing his mouth half a dozen times, Lance sipped down some water cautiously. The worst part of vomiting was the longer burn and the burning kind of smell that lasted inside of him for vargas

"You've been watching too many movies, Hunk"

"I don't want to be involved with that. I never understood how people could become dependent on something so bad for them"

Standing up, Lance sank back into Keith's touch. It was fine to have a moral code, yet it rubbed him the wrong way that Hunk was acting so naive. When it came to bounty hunting, you did whatever you had to do do to get your bounty. It was literally that simple. Quiznak. If someone came in here trying to sell slaves, he'd buy them... He'd buy them, then arrest the person at the first chance he got

"No one is going to offer you drugs here. And most of the people we serve aren't good people... but without them, things around here would be dangerous. Keith, can you get me out the plain crackers? They should be in the cupboard near the first fridge"

"They're not there. Your cooks have no idea how to organise a kitchen... I think we put them over here"

  Walking to the opposite side of the kitchen, Hunk opened one of the upper cupboards. The kitchen was arranged by Lance to be the same as his kitchen at home. Knowing he was upset and uncomfortable, Keith pushed gently on his back, encouraging him to return where they were sitting before. Opening the pack of crackers, Hunk set up a few on a small plate for him. Lance would have rather picked from the pack. He wasn't sure of his strength... which was proven when the plate Hunk gave him nearly fell on the floor. If Keith hadn't acted so quickly to prevent disaster.

  Sipping in his tea and slowly working his way through his crackers, Lance nearly fell asleep when Keith started playing with his hair. Using his fingernails to lightly scratch at his scalp, Lance was practically purring as he let Hunk and Keith's conversation slip past him. As long as he was eating and drinking, Hunk wasn't complaining about his health. Maybe he actually was and he was missing it? Yawning, Keith tugged him closer

"Babe? You good?"

"Sleepy"

"I can see that. Wanna skip dinner?"

"Nah... I wanna cuddle... here"

"Your scents evened out, and your colour looks better. How do you feel?"

"Like crackers might be my new best friend"

  "Hey! I heard that, man!"

Laughing tiredly, Lance tried to find the energy to joke, but it just wasn't there

"No one could replace my main bro"

"As long as you know that. You guys don't have to wait for dinner. We have about another varga before everything will be ready. Daehra said we're all having dinner in the second entertainment room? I can't believe you guys have a first entertainment room, let alone a second"

"Second room is... an o-o-overflow room..."

Yawning widely, he shook himself in an attempt to wake up

"Its mostly things that were already here... like tables and chairs... First entertainment room is for guests"

"We're not guests?"

"Your family... mmm, if we're having dinner there, we can head in early. There's a sofa in there"

Keith's voice came from directly next to his left ear

"I thought you wanted cuddles?"

"Sofa cuddles sound better..."

"Yes, they do. Mostly because neither of you should be sitting on the kitchen counters. Even if you own this place"

Lance ducked his head while Keith laughed. He was still nervous Hunk was going to bring drugs up again... Plus... dinner was only a varga away. Dinner with everyone...

"I think we've been told, babe. Can you give me directions?"

Lance nodded, whining at the loss of Keith's body heat as his husband climbed down off the kitchen bench. Holding his arms out limply, Keith lifted him into his arms

"I'm going to take him down there to rest before dinner. I'm looking forward to some real food. We've been stuck eating purple goo again"

"That stuff should be banned as a violation of human right. Galra rights. Universal rights. I've got things under control here. Maybe you should have Daehra take a look at Lance before dinner?"

Damn. He thought Hunk would let it go

"Hunk, it was just a bug. I'm not contagious"

"You smell funny and you're throwing up"

His chest tightened at the thought of his scent. He was wearing the suit in the hopes it would diminish his scent...

"He smells fine. Although he does need to brush his teeth"

Saved by Keith again, Lance couldn't win

""He" is right here. And he is feeling better for having kept something down"

"You know babe, we could stop by the medbay and run that IV bag before dinner?"

"No... after dinner is better. You're all worrying too much"

"Shiro literally dropped everything to pick you up. We're allowed to be worried"

Sensing his dropping mood, Keith kissed the top of his head

"I would rather Shiro drop a hundred things and know that Lance was alright. Seeing we're not heading to the med room, take your time. Mr Grumpy here needs his rest"

Why was everyone picking on him? He didn't want to be awake when the cannula went in... No. He wanted to be awake, but closer to sleep so he couldn't crave the feel of the injector needle

"That's rich, coming from you. I bet you can't even find your away around without me"

"I found my way to our room"

"That was a fluke... now let's go... I have a sofa to become friends with. Bye, Hunk! I promise we haven't done many gross things in here"

"Dude! What do you mean "many"?! Are the benches safe? Do I have to clean them again? Why are you doing gross things in here to begin with?"

As Keith walked towards the door while Hunk bombarded them questions, Lance waved over Keith's shoulder. He wasn't trying to pick a fight with Hunk, but it was so quiznakking easy to get him worked up.

     *