#ive been trying to make myself work on stuff when i dont have to work | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

aurorashard · 23 days

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#i dunno man #everytime i read some new thing about covid and long covid #i just feel like im losing my marbles #im the only one still masking it feels like #nobody at my drs offices wear them even the soecialists #my therapist acts like this is an irrational fear of mine #so i dont talk about it as much #shes happy im not isolating myself. and not full of crippling guilt when i do go out #which is good #i agree with her on that #but. ive been numbering my bags with my n95s since i rewear them a few times #ive been using n95s since i took this job. three years in october #which is wild the longest ive worked in one place is just over a year--all seasonal work or short internships. not because i leave #or get fired/laid off #but im getting down to the end of the alphabet #i dont know what ill do when i do #literally as far as labels but also like. its a lot you know?#im debating trying new mask styles. i wanted to ages ago but hoped. i wouldnt need to wear them for much longer #now it feels like i always will.#so. second best time to plant a tree and all.#i want to get out and make friends and do fun stuff. but it's so fuckibg hard and scary #how can i make friends when i cant relax in small indoor spaces #when i. cant eat out at restaurants (due to food issues and masking)#when inviting people to my house makes me anxious for days #how can i make friends under those circumstances?#im so lonely. and so envious #of my friends who do stuff and gave partners. i want that for me but i cant have it. before it was because i moved. ecery 3-6 months #now its this. is it realky any wonder that i nearly cried reading that fic the other day #when Etho took off his mask. and it was treated so fucking kindly and like the trust geasture it was? that it would be. for me?#maybe trust is the wrong word. i dont know. comfort? feeling safe in a space with someone who respects me and my health?

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mejomonster · 2 months

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I hate panic attacks

#rant #which is to say i hate the whirlwind of specifically bad times in my life that brought them on and kept them #i hate that they trigger when i feel strong Anything #ive been trying to Dissassociate less and feel more. because feeling stuff does HELP me notice whats helping or hurting me #but like. i WISH it was about feeling joy and pleasure and excitement. maybe ill feel those eventually #but right now Any strong emotion is still ridiculously close to triggering panic attacks #im still terrified to go watch a play. because i LOVE plays and the last times ive gone for the past decade #ive had awful panic attacks because my brain clicked Love them with Intense Feeling into Panic dont breathe chest hurts Hate Urself #turns out my brain didnt just attach the trigger to fear of loud noises or fear of asking for #trigger from self hating thiught loops #it alsp clicked the trigger into: particularly notiveable romantic feelings of any kind (lile someome? have a panic attack! thatll keep u #physically incapable of getting near them! like plays! lets have you unable to breathe sobbimg hysterical so ur terrified to be trapped in #the audiience for hours! fucking hate hate hate it)#neurofeedback and emdr certainly lowered the panic attack rate per day or week to a Lesser per month situation #but im still lucky if i get thru a pa without illogivally trying to Fix it the irrational way i did when young which is hit myself #in the illogical hope if im injured enough ill be able to think again (which doesnt work its dangerous and makes the panic attack last #longer a pa just does Not let u think rationally untol its over u CANNOT try and fix it while in it and dping that makes it much worse)#if i get thru a pa without a concussion ive done much better than usual :/ i dont want any more #im so tired man. i want to go see a play!#i dont want to Try and then end up hyperventilating and crying with my brain imsisting i Need To be Dead for 2 hours #im the parking lot because it triggers when i park. or worse it triggers when i drive and i have to pull over and im trapped x place for #hours. either way i miss the play i wanted to fucking see!#i hate how panic attacks feel like a trap. not even a trap i can fight. its my own limitation. goddamn ive been fatigued ive been dying #in a hospital a few times. panic attacks feel worse to me. at least dying i can do something (eventually) to stop #altho i guess dying for hours in hospital until i got helped was similar. but ill hopefully only go thru that 1-2 more times in life #and i had like 5 panic attacks during that hospital visit since a heart rate so high like 200 cant calm down anyway

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hauntedpotat · 4 months

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I love finding out there's yet another small thing wrong with me 👍

#not like a diagnosis or something just like. how my brain has been wired #when stuff has never been an option for me in the past i just dont think about it anymore even if it is an option now #even stuff that has never been told to me #like i was working on a project and i didnt have enough felt to make it so i just went “well that sucks” and did something else instead #and then my mom comes in like an hour into my improvisation and im telling her this #and shes like “we could have gone to the store? you shouldve asked”#and it just never crossed my mind as an option #because i have been trying so hard not to inconvenience people my entire life that going to the store became something that we planned to do #and it was either on the way to/from something or explicitly planned for a day and time #so ive never considered just. going spontaneously #esp to get something unimportant #so it was just immediately vetoed by my brain because 'oh youre busy you dont have time for that trips to the store take too long'#so thats nice #i dont know what to do with myself now #i love finding out more about how pleasing everyone in my life has affected me #<<sarcasm #aaaand thats why im now crying!#this is fun #potat rambles #vent post #tw vent #<kinda? its just venty tags #idk being safe with it

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bmpmp3 · 5 months

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I NEEED to go back to making art that makes it ABUNDANTLY clear that theres something wrong with my brain BUT NOT in a cool or stylishly interesting way. i need to do it in a way that makes people say "hm." and walk away

#sowwy ive been kinda going through it in my fine arts major rn can u tell HJKSDHKFd #ive been feeling like. scared. and paralyzed by marketability and branding.#i cant stop thinking about how other people will see my art. but not like in a good way #when i was younger i thought about it in a good way. like hee hee hoo hoo the act of looking connected us hee hee #but rn i keep thinking about it in like this wretched like consumer product mindset? ouhhghhhhh el problema es el capitalismo #and like maybe this works for some people. to think like this. to make art like this. its what my professors push me towards #not intentionally. they dont say it out loud at least. im not sure if they know or not some of the irony #my professors are nice and pretty smart and talented and i like em. but sometimes i wonder like. the push for us as students to make like #marketable 'avant garde'? stuff thats safe but pretending to be weird and out there #i dont mean to sound pretentious. in general i play it too safe myself (spent too much time as an edgy 10 year old with my #parents freaking out over my shoulder because they think the fact that i drew an anime character frowning means something serious LOL)#but i dunno man. my least interesting art with the least amount of care thought or effort always gets so much more attention in school #nowhere else oddly. online? people like my more passionate but seemingly frivolous art (oc art etc. not frivolous to me but yknow how it is #same with irl artists and other industry people outside my school. whats going on in my school LOL #i know from experience i cant push myself into a supposedly marketable brand. if i try to make something sell it will not.#i dont know why. maybe theres an invisible essence buyers can tell when i didnt care jkfsldjdfrds #but my teachers LOOOOVE the stuff i put no passion in its so bizarre orz but i gotta relearn how to ignore half of their advice #i used to be better at it. but i also only used to ignore like a quarter of their advice. maybe i need to amp up how much im ignoring #that sounds mean. they have plenty of good advice. but also plenty of advice thats clouded by their own biases #and i gotta relearn how to sort out this stuff again. i forget every few months for some reason #you know i always think ouuhhhhh i act so neurotypical ouhhhhhhhhh im outgoing i talk to strangers all the time i seem confident #im so masked IM SO MASKED but then i go a couple weeks where every conversation i have has people looking at me like #i have two heads and neither of them are speaking their language. and then i descend into madness like this HJKLDSHJDS #i'll be fine i'll figure it out. i need to stop trying to get a good grade in being a 'cutting edge' conventional artist <3 #i need to just. draw my cartoon characters in peace 😔😔😔

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audiovisualrecall · 7 months

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Last night my mom was like okay tomorrow let's spend the day looking into the state health insurance stuff together and I was like okay great! I'll enroll in the work one and we will see if the state options are any good. I Can dream about doing The Artist Thing and not just continue to try to do the Normal (aka Neurotypical) Thing of a normal Job when my brain isn't good at that and it leads to embarrassing meltdowns and lots of stress for me.

And today.... she apparently asked dad to start working on it with me but I didn't come down for breakfast till 11 at which pt he started working on the easel he's actually decided to Make me for my birthday gift (crazy man! Looks at the ones in stores and looks at plans and decides he can do better and just goes and starts!), and he didn't mention anything to me before that, and she was at services this morning and then got some groceries and got home at like almost 1, had a snack? Lunch? And was like I'm gonna just sit down for a bit and then we can do that, but I started reading and just realized it's almost 2 so went to talk to her and she's napping. So. Idefk. I'm disappointed.

#also trying to explain that like. i have been masking a lot since i was young. so i seem 'high functioning' or 'low support needs' but that #doesnt mean NO support needs and Also ive been struggling more and more the older i get with everything #I'm realizing i will continue to need more support than someone else might think i would and #people simultaneously insult and attempt to compliment me abt it #like steph telling me i should move out and be independent meanwhile i struggle with making phone calls. i paid for driving lessons 2 yrs #ago and still havent called them back to schedule the damn lessons!#bc the mix of adhd and tism means i Cant Do It #i can look up stuff abt the health insurance on my own but I'm likely to just get overwhelmed and minimize the page and do nothing with it #i have meltdowns at work due to a mix of rsd and stress and frustration.#I'm struggling and need help but its help an almost 30 yr old 'shouldnt' need help with. and my over-60 retired parents 'shouldnt' be th #the support system for an almost 30 yr old who is so 'functional' like. I'm a gremlin that can pretend to be a person a lot of the time #and if not them then who? if i moved out how would i manage? between anxiety and adhd and depression and autism.#i already forgot to order my meds in time once! i forgot to delay an autoship and ended up with too many boxes of cat litter! i havent been #able to call the driving school back abt scheduling lessons after 2 yrs! i cant get myself to enroll in the health insurance!#i cant BE independent and i dont necessarily want to be about half the time but then i feel self conscious and ashamed and uncomfortable bc #I'm 30 and i dont ACT like it #and 'well youre not as bad as so in sos son who Cant hold a job' like. ma. I only got my job bc i was lucky.#bc i responded to tbe survey when i failed the little test in the application and someone read my response and decided to give me a call #bc nino was a good dude and the corporate bs hadnt gotten so bad at wfm.#and then my current position was also luck (or unlucky) bc diana left and they had no one else for the role and i was into the flowers and #helped out big time on making a display and on supporting floral etc before she left after a big holiday #and they were like so imran said u did a good job w that so would u be interested in the job?#i wish id said no but then i wouldve gone for supervisor which i also wouldnt have had fun with #like are there good things i got out of my job? if course. i did grow! i did learn a lot! but I'm not Good At It. is really hard on my rsd #to fail or feel like i fail repeatedly. and the stress is bad for me and I dont wsnt them to fire me over something stupid #and j hate the corporatism and the leadership #bc this type of job COULD bc good. i could do it. with a lot more support and a bigger team than they think i need #anyway.#i just... want something different.#i cant think of any traditional job where it wouldnt be the same shit

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sinfulforrest · 2 years

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gehhh I can feel my brain starting to turn pretty fucky wucky and I would really prefer to not have that happen again cause it was really bad last timeee

#forrest speaks #vent #i literally feel up to my eyeballs in stress there's so much shit going on right now and i just really don't like this #got real bad family stuff happening and just general depression shit hitting really hard and pressure from parents to like choose a career #and pressure from uni cause I've not done work for a while and have been in a state about it and ive been too terrified to try and sort #out my probable autism shit cause it stresses me out thinking about it #i just feel like curling up into my bed and never leaving it yknow? its overwhelming and makes me want to cease #feel the need to say that i wont and dont do stupid shit to myself when i get like this because i dont want people worrying n shit #i just usually keep by myself and stay in bed and just mentally beat myself up i guess #god being awake just feels so exhausting right now but im still to awake to sleep #im sorry for dumping this here but i just wanna scream how im really feelin deep down into the void n stuff and this is the best i can do #gonna try drawing a bunch of real self indulgent shit so i can get that happy feeling of making something at the very least #god knows ill need it

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kil9 · 11 months

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i luv doing what i call "passive breakfast" which is rather than having something that i have to eat in one sitting, finding smth that i can just snack on and pick at for the first 3-4 hours of me being awake

#99.txt #becoming an adult means getting excited about shit like this #i really dont get hungry in the morning tho so its nice to not make myself feel sick by trying to eat a whole meal.#but also i dont have to run on empty this way #i realised after moving in with maddi that i really dont eat a lot at all......#just since im fat ive been convinced my whole life that i must be eating way too much....#the way my metabolism works is it wants a lot of snacks throughout the day and one main meal #i am somehow losing weight tho. not that i care much its just interesting #i think because im in england now stuff is just overall more healthy....#its hard to find real sugar soda & even when it is.. the ammt of sugar is less than america it seems like #america will add sugar to the damnedest things #maddi says i have to put it back on so i dont disappear 💀💀#also yeah with metabolism. everyone thinks fast metabolism is like. the only way to be. and if u dont have that its bad....#and i really disagree #i think its just apples and oranges. whichever way you work just figure out how to accommodate for it and then its fine

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zemnarihah · 1 year

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btw i think i may be attempting to enter into a long distance relationship w erik.

#ik nobody cares i think its annoying to constantly talk abt ur dating life on here #but like. this is my diary. so.#basically the deal is.i may very well be setting myself up for failure and heartbreak. but also i will regret it for the rest of my life #if i dont try #he feels important. like this feels different than it rlly ever has before. he felt important before i ever had any romantic feelings.#and like. idk if it was just bc i was so emotionally exhausted from all like the processing feelings and talking abt them and stuff but #he slept over. and i can NEVER sleep if someone is in my bed. but i slept really well. like literally in his arms i have NEVER been able to #sleep while im touching someone not once in my life.#this is so embarrassing lolll bc literally since i met him ive been talking abt him on here like 'oh my new friend i think hes into me but #im trying to just be friends' well. mission failed.#also my mom and my sister bc of COURSE any time i speak to a man its like well do you like him are you dating him. and i was like NO we are #just FRIENDS god can i just have a FRIEND #and so when i tell them. god it is going to be sooo humiliating. also he has multiple satanic tattoos so if he meets my mom....#long sleeves on that day methinks!#um anyway im getting ahead of myself. basically we had a talk yesterday abt all my doubts abt getting into a relationship when hes abt to #leave and we kind of talked through what we would do to make it work. I told him I still couldn't give him a sure answer bc when im with hi #it feels like it can work but when he was gone the other day after our first talk abt it i felt so sure it wouldnt work so i need to #sleep on it and think abt it without him there but idk i think i know my answer like at this point i feel like its worse to wonder.#i have to try yk?

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orcelito · 1 year

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Honestly hate how hard it is to start writing again when you've gone too long without it. Like for fuck's sake man Why's shit gotta be like this

#speculation nation #daydreaming of the early discacc days when i wrote 70k words in 3 weeks. those were the days...#im just... so tired and wrung out and everything is so fucking hard #im barely even Doing anything besides working. my apartment is in horrible shape rn.#what is it about grief that makes life so hard to live man. you lose a cornerstone to your life and suddenly everything is in shambles #and i know he wouldnt have wanted this for me. for me to be Barely functioning bc my brain has been so bad in response #im alive im going to work im feeding myself and showering every day #but i havent been doing the dishes i havent taken out the trash theres Stuff all over my floors and cat messes i havent cleaned #and i dont have the energy for any of it. i get home i eat and then i climb into bed. rinse and repeat.#im just... tired. im so very tired.#i keep wanting to turn to my hobbies to cope with things but it's so fucking hard to stick to #constantly oscillating between manic moods where i think i can finally start moving on (but i dont have the focus to do writing)#and depressive moods where Good Fuckin Luck doing anything besides laying in bed #if you couldnt tell im in the second boat right now. in bed as we speak. and so i shall remain until it's time to go to work #at least ive been going to the woods almost every chance i get. it hasnt given me the power to write but it's been good for me i think #get out of the apartment. experience nature. pick up a snail. you know how it goes.#i kinda feel bad for entering a fandom and trying to dig out a place for myself and Kind Of succeeding #i have a good handful of followers. people who wanna see more of my analysis and fanfic #but i havent posted anything significant in like a month bc i have belonged to the void. all month.#losing family will do that to a person i guess. doesnt stop me from being frustrated though.#negative/

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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years

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...

#sometimes i feel very normal and then i interact with ppl lol #i had an in person meeting with my boss for the 1st time in ages and i usually talk to ppl while theyre driving or were walking somewhere #so i forgot how much im like obviously not making eye contact when ppl talk to me while hunched over and fidgeting lol #and when im trying to explain ideas to ppl abt like data stuff im like: i dont understand how what im saying doesnt make sense???#also with a healthy dose of wtf is this person trying to say to me? u r saying words and i dont kno what theyre directed at #we had a lab party and im like v awkward at those things. idk how to interact in groups #ppl r interacting and im watching like u r clearly getting something out of this that i am not #i did maybe secure a place as a patient for one of our undergrads who is in the dental school lol #she was like yea i need 8 patients and i was like lol u can look in my mouth and then proceeded to tell her all the weird teeth problems #ive had. maybe that was weird but she seemed interested so 🤷#i hope she follows up bc i havent been to the dentist in like 3 years #and i still habe my wisdome teeth #lol me at any party: i am waiting patiently until i can leave.#like its weird bc those r the time when ppl bond and make memories and all that but everytime someone calls back to events that ive been #there fore it baffles me bc im like. yea that was a thing that happened. i dont really have any feelings abt it so idk y u r recalling it #fondly??? plus my ears r kinda fucked so it was hard to focus on individual conversations #ay im so scatterbrained. thats what happens when u get little sleep and dont allow ur self to chill. ill just crunch myself into a lil ball #at least my boss tried to reassure me that id get accepted somewhere phd wise. but i will not relax until its official so rip #i just really want 2 specific schools to work out bc one is close to home and the other i can prob get good classes and opportunities #ugh i need to sleep. but im not tired :-P #unrelated

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jacobied · 14 hours

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feeling an unreal amount of dread rn bc i have to write some sentences about an illustration of mine in a way that fits a theme lmfao

#why am i so bad at this ive been straight up sitting here for like half an hour #idk the thing is like... i do write. ive gotten decent at writing about my work #but im like ? best when i can just write about whatever bullshit i want and for the fucking life of me i cannot make my work fit a theme #even thO THE WORK CLEARLY DOES the words just sound Wrong and fucking stupid bc im taking work out of its original context to try to #have something to show bc they asked and bc my agency is being so nice and i like them a lot #man i love my agent and my agency is truly pog they've coordinated some great initiatives for palestine + they continue to be active #but like every now and then im reminded that my ass is not a team player and i really would rather just not be included #in group work / promotional stuff which is what this is for #bc i have to deal with matching the set tone and whatever the fuck else and i truly cannot be assed #like... idk i think i do fairly well for myself just being left to my own devices. drawing my little drawings and writing my little stories #the last 2 scripts / comics i made have both sold one of which sold internationally and none of the previous promotional stuff ive been a #part of have really contributed to me getting work i dont think ? idk i might have missed smthn but #would it be extremely cunty of me to just be like 'yo i appreciate it but i think i just want to be a little hermit.'#i'll be back when im done writing my next manuscript kthnxbye #like even w their initiatives for palestine i never really got involved through them i was just. happier/more productive doing my own bs.#lol i literally just need like 1 sentence for this illustration tho can someone kill me

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arolesbianism · 6 months

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Sorry for failing to post more than once every 3 am anyways more stalien icons 👍

#keese draws #eternal gales #oc art #oc #ocs #now sprinkles is the only one left icon wise and ref wise Ive finished aris mase and the snake triplets #oh and then icons for the human kids all need to be made but thats a future me problem #Im probably gonna go for dodie or sier next for new ref #although idk when thatll be since Ive been once again burnt out as hell #but yeah I've been thinking abt the eg cast again I love them all sm #idk maybe I should make them lil summary pages so I can better introduce them all #I dont want to go too deep into actual plot stuff tho as while I dont have issues with spoiling things pre actually making the comic just #due to the fact that things are still prone to change I also would rather not basically live script out the story to summarize one scene #its the eternal problem with talking abt eternal gales its the kind of story where you really arent meant to know more than the characters #and as such while the worldbuilding is important to understanding the plot from an overarching perspective thats not rly how the story is #meant to be told as quite frankly I dont think that is or should be the appeal of this story #eternal gales is pretty much set to be an aquired taste of a story since the core of it is less abt watching characters in a plot and more #abt watching said characters having a plot happen at them while they try to navigate the situation and their relationships with eachother #basically it's hard to summarize cause while there is a plot thats not really how Id advertise it as a story #theres a reason Im not jumping straight into this project rn even tho I do wanna make it real some day and its how damn ambitious it is #Ill get there some day but itll likely still be several years at least until I go for it #mostly because Im gonna need to learn some programming skills or get someone who has them already to help #I also ideally wanna finish spiraling upwards first which will also likely be a several year project #tbf thats mostly because Im just being slow as hell to work on that one #but it's a warriors fan comic so Im trying not to put too much pressure on myself

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chisatowo · 2 years

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Ok nvm having Mizuki Thoughts

#rat rambles #sekai posting #not complex ones but. thoughts #Im ngl Ive been having a hard time rly like. Getting mizuki #which is intentional ofc but its kinda weird to me since they also feel very familiar ig?#like idk just. I feel rly sad when I read their lil emo moments™ in a very similar way to mafuyu #ig like in a very. wow theyre just like me fr #and usually with characters who face very similar struggles to me I like immediately fully click with them but its just not happening?#well not in the same way anyways. I think it is happening just much slower.#I think mizuki just feels almost like. uncomfortable to me in that regard? not in a bad way just means I have some stuff I need to work #through still which is ok I didnt exactly get a lot of space to process that time of my life #idk its just weird having a character I relate too so much that I feel weird relating to. like it makes sense that I do but still #idk. I guess it just feels uncomfortable trying to analyze them since Im indirectly analyzing myself too #like were in no way a one on one comparison I had too much anxiety to rly go as far as they did in some regards but still #all of 25ji just hit rly close to home in some regard or another I can only imagine how Id react to them when I was younger gndkfbd #although tbf my relation to ena and kanade is from much more recent stuff than the other two #Im doing ok now dont worry last year was just a bit rough fjfbdjdbd #if you followed me during my prime vent era no you didnt <3333 #while I think mafuyu's stuff would have been smth Id want younger me to see mizuki's stuff would break 15 yr old me in a bad way lol #anyways I should go to bed before I get anymore personal fmfjdjdh #this isnt like venting btw Im actually feeling pretty ok rn. I think reading more mizuki stuff has been good for me /gen #Ill probably read more tomorrow I rly wanna read as many 25ji events as I can while I still have the motivation to #plus at least I can kinda trust ensekai to not mess them up too bad so I dont have to dig for fan translstions as much #that will Not be the case for l/n wxs and vbs tho. they fucked over kohane and an so bad its not even funny anymore #like me and my sibling joked abt them singing just be friends on en after the confession scene but honestly I wish they had just done that #instead of whatever the fuck that was. at least it would have been funny and explicitely homophobic instead of just borderline #when I say I hate ensekai I am Not joking around <333333 #an-hane rly becoming pare-chu pt 2 but without a beautiful birthday to help this time gkfbdjdj #abyways time to sleeo for realsies now. gn gamers :]

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whilomm · 1 year

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EAS SYSTEM TEST FAQ:

"huh what"

theres a test of the emergency alert system (EAS) for the united states on wednesday oct 4th 2023, 2:20 pm est (with a second test planned on the 11th if this ones canceled). its the system they use for amber alerts, weather alerts (like tornados/floods/hurricanes), stuff like that. will be sent to TVs, radios, phones, even if alerts are muted as far as i know

"what why"

bc they gotta test emergency systems sometimes. this happens on occasion.

"what is the government planning this is suspicious"

no its not its just. a standard test. they happen. we just havent had this specific type of phone one for a few years, they dont gotta test it as often as like. physical tornado sirens.

"okay but like are they trying to instill terror this reminds me of the terrorism threat leve-"

if they were doing that they wouldnt have been warning people of the upcoming test several months in advance

"why havent i seen it anywhere except for tumblr"

bc u havent like. paid attention to news stuff.

"okay well how do i verify this how do i know this isnt a hoax????"

....search for the news articles pictured above and read them.

"okay but WHY this is ANNOYING why is it in the MIDDLE OF SCHOOL/WORK"

bc systems gotta be tested on occasion to make sure they aint broken when you actually need them, and probs the time with the least risk of waking ppl up and making ppl even more angry

"i completely understand the purpose and i dont think its a government conspiracy but i still dislike it bc loud sounds/secret phone/epilepsy/whatever other reasons ive seen ppl site"

yeah 100% fair, thats why i and others are trying to warn so that ppl arent caught off guard (even if my warning was missing info like the time bc im dumb), i set a couple of notifs to pop up beforehand so i dont forget and get surprised, do what u gotta do to keep urself chill. shut off your phone, wrap it in blankets, be in another room from all ur tech while the test is happening, wear earplugs, etc. hope you're good!

"that thing about phones still going off when turned back on..."

oh yeah idk if thats true or nah. but eh, better safe than sorry, assume ur phone may or may not still be loud when u turn it back on, and plan for it if needed. idk where ppl are getting this tho and havent seen it verified myself. just be careful if this applies to you. maybe shove it into a blanket before turning it back on.

"is it gonna activate my covid vaccine mind control nanotech"

idk man probably not

"YAAAAAY EXTREMELY LOUD SOUND WEDNESDAY!!!!"

omgg yayyy!!!!! 🥰🥰🥰

#buzzy #EAS #emergency alert system #emergency alert system test #FEMA #FCC #uspol #ish whatever #us govt #extremely loud sound wednesday

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infamous-if · 2 months

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heyyy!! Do you already know when the update will drop on patreon? 🥹

Yes, I already know what day in August it's dropping for patreon! But It'll be a surprise drop for patreon band tier and then the fan tier and public date will be announced. every time I say a date I always fuck it up so im trying to avoid that lolol

right now im just doing constant playtesting back and forth because there's quite a bit of variables in chapter 3 (on top of all of the new variables and stuff added in the rewrites) because of Reasons Very Important Reasons I'm Sure People Will Be Happy To Read so I just want to make sure they're all properly recorded! that's all ive been doing since august started HAHA just making sure it works :)

yes I know the beta testers I said I would choose would have helped with this i will handle that when im done I promise pls dont yell at me I hate myself enough

#inbox

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orcelito · 1 year

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The intersection of no easy food, no clean dishes, and Bad Mood is such a horrid thing

#speculation nation #negative/#sure whatever #me sitting at home just trying to work up the will to eat Something #bc i need to. but im not really hungry and i dont have easy food and i have no dishes for the food i do have #i havent gotten groceries bc my past 2 days off were spent at the hospital and then at a house visit #for my terminally ill uncle.#and it's been a month since my cat died and it's 223 aqi outside and i am just #no clean dishes too much trash gnats building up no energy to do shit #i did laundry and cleaned the cat stuff yesterday bc i Had To so at least i have clean clothes #but the rest of my apartment is a mess & i have to fucking Pack for my trip at the end of the week #i dont even know how to make sure i have a carry on bc ive never bought plane tickets myself bc i havent flown since i was 18 #so im anxious about it and when im anxious about something i avoid it but i Cant keep avoiding it #and here i am tonight vague headache from the air pollution no energy to eat no energy to Shower #thinking of taking a shot to make it Shut Up for a bit & maybe then i can do things #im.... i wasnt planning on venting that much but. jesus fuckin christ y'all why's life gotta be this way #i just wanna have my fun happy hobbies and not worry about taking care of myself bc im shit at it anyways #i think i will take a shot. a compromise. i do one harmful thing to myself & then i do the good things for myself. idfk #and yes it's harmful bc i havent eaten and it's just straight vodka but ykno what i like it like that #i should probably shut up now. may or may not disappear for the rest of the night so i dont keep being a miserable fucking bastard online #ugh.#animal death ment/#disordered eating/#Close Enough. side effect of other things rather than a problem in and of itself but c'est la vie ya bitch

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