#ive felt this way since elementary school like am i broken??

[escapades-to-rivendell]

hey siri how do I stop the constant feelings of isolation and loneliness from tearing my heart open every day?

[princess-pill-enjoyer]

Would I seem like less of a liar if I deleted the previous post? 💀💀💀

I'm doing a whooole lot better so ima explain myself

Notice in advance though it's not very related to my pills. It's just been a whole lot.. and seeing how I talk about all my personal shit here already it didn't feel too out of place. I've actually been relatively pill free for the last like month or so. Anyway I'll stop this intro here lol. Shits long enough as is

Well what pissed me off to make me want to go ghost was a combo of getting scammed plus R being on some bullshit..

The first bit I kinda walked into. That was that whole situation where I slowly gave out like $50 to this trans woman. I didn't even notice until a few days later but she blocked me soon after I said I couldn't help for a while. I don't know what brain cells evaporated from my brain but if I had noticed the signs earlier maybe I would be $50 richer rn..

The second bit uh. Let's just cut a long story short atp. R has been being a dick to me for a while now so I finally wasn't able to repress my annoyance and I said something slightly snippy. She got sad annd I got mad. Time skip, ghosted her and pretty much everyone else, fully expecting to never speak to her again. Nother time skip, we're back talking.

If I seem kinda over it, it's cause I am lmfao

I think seeing how she changed and reacted during that period where she was upset really changed things for me. Not to sound like that, but I have a lot of.. for lack of better wording "issues" around people switching up. And it's really important to me! Ive been weary of that shit since i was in elementary school. I used to get bullied and ostracized a lot as a kid. And after a combo of parential/friendship drama, I decided I never wanted to feel like I'm ever in a situation where I have to be useful to be loved. I don't want to be in position where anyone can dangle their affection over my head at a whim. Which is all I've felt towards everything since. Even when I was really there begging her to work things out, I did it anyway because I felt like I knew she'd do the same if it ever came down to it. But seeing just how much I've been trying to juggle in silence.. how much I've asked of her over and over again with little change.. it just didn't feel mutual anymore.

Well.. wrong wording. That's something I've had to accept for a while now. I meant our friendship in general atp. I've been the odd man out for so long now. I guess it's our history that does it tbh. You know how with newer friends you'll do a lot more with em? But with older friends youre much more comfortable saying no cause you know they arent going anywhere? It really shouldn't be this extreme tbh but like it ISS. Like I've asked to play 100x different things now, I've tried to watch series together, alllll types of shit. And she never agrees. We never talk or hangout for the fun of it anymore. Actually, I don't think we've actually any real hanging out doing something together purely because we wanted to hang in over 7 months. Everything else has just been us talking about one thing or another or something happening and it just being the after part. Don't get me wrong, I love being able to have an actual conversation way more than being able to play games with her. Though, when hanging out is something you plain out won't go out your way at all to do but you can hurriedly go back to do allll the time with your casual friends and acquaintances? Changed my mind so quick once i realized. I'm just holding onto memories now. Just like my ex and just like my ex best friend. The whole situation reminding me of those two made my emotions towards the thing feel a lot more cut and dry tbh

I started feeling this way when she played me at a moment that honestly.. was the most vulnerable I've ever been. It's a rule I've had since I was a child and have never broken before. Yet here I am, breaking it for no real reason. If anything, me doing that made her be even worse to me

I've been on and off talking with her now. She refriended me on one of our main platforms a little while back. I've only recently took her off mute. I think a day ago now. We talked talked today and it felt exactly like it did way back then. It was almost comical. She said so many cruel things to me and made me feel like an idiot for.. well shoot for nothing atp. Did all that to not even a full 3 months later move onto the next best thing. The complete 360 is what finally sealed it for me. I've been thinking on what my begging meant for days and weeks now slowly edging to this conclusion

Im done.

I got so much anger and nastiness spewed at me time and time again with not even an acknowledgement that it happened

Im just supposed to magically know this perfect fucking timing of how long i need to stay away without staying away for tooooo long to not scare you. And when I get it wrong? Oh don't worry! She'll make sure I know it :))

Its really my fault for letting it get this bad.. I knew it wasnt right for her to be a dick to everyone off of a breakup but i mean.. if the ex was that important to you, it makes sense. If it were still like that, I'd still be taking it now tbh. Why stress her out when she clearly has 1000 other things on her mind? But the cycle repeated right before my eyes it brings up so many questions..

Why cant i get the same courtesy you show to anyone else?

Where was that healing when just a month ago i was a pest for checking in?

God. It's not even like I'm asking for much! I continued doing what I do even when i wasn't getting that same care back. Ive gotten so messed up i can barely comprehend wth is going around me. Ive been on and off sleep for days at a time. I've watched my whole future crumble before my eyes. Ive wven thought about and attempted to kill myself. Alllll that.. yet ive never once used it as an excuse to treat you poorly. I have the common fucking courtesy to own up to ts and not act like any of that makes it okay to disrespect you

It honestly doesn't matter either way. All I know is I'm so tired of getting treated worse than any of her friends and I'm tired of all the fucking gymnastics that she still expects me to do with no complaint. That shits over. I'm not letting yet another person drop off and pick up wherever they feel like with not even a thought about how I'll feel

I feel really numb towards her now. I still have some of it leftover tbh so I wont say I'm OVER her. I still got hype talking to her again and it being not complicated for once. And i do still check her socials a lot. But I will say, I think I've fallen out of love at the very least

I still don't want her to suffer or anything because she is one of the kindest and most charming people you'll ever meet when she wants to be. She would bend over backwards to help out or make someone feel good. She just has to be in the right mood for it. I've seen her give shit away on this game she loves just to help a new player out. I've listened to her check on everyone in her house even when she felt like straight garbage purely cause she knew they all were expecting her to. Just incase one of em was waiting on that to vent or something. She really does have a good heart

Buuut when she doesn't want to/doesn't have to do all that? She's still cordial most of the time. Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to paint her out to be some nasty person behind closed doors. She really isn't. Even when she's upset, she mostly is still kind, just a little short. But every once in a while, it'll be a big enough issue where she doesn't even feel like pretending to be in a good mood.. and that's her problem. She's so damn cruel once she's that upset. I get it ofc. Which is why I just put up with it for so long

When I was going through the slow realization that my days at my uni were numbered, I was a hugely bitter person. Huuuugely. But even with the mere joy of the other freshman was pissing me off, I never took that out on anyone but me. I was never rude or snarky to anyone there. Even when they were to me lmfao. It just made no sense to take it out on them

R doesn't consider that enough. She goes off tbe handle as soon as it's inconvenient for her not to. Though she's all smiles for people anyone that doesn't know her fr, she'll come back to all the people that love her and put then through the ringer

I cant take that shit anymore.

So now a little over a year after I started feeling something towards her in the first place and coming on a year after I realized what exactly I felt for her, I think I'm now throwing in the towel on all that. Just can't do it. I won't turn my life upside down for someone that can't even bother to keep my feelings in mind some days.

I dont hate her or anything at all. I'm still her friend. But until she learns how to better express herself, I don't want her any closer than a friend. Being close to her is painful dude. I'll never treat her any worse for that. I just have to keep my guard up now. I can't let her get that close to me again. Not with how she is now

I wrote that weeks ago if im being honest

And alots happened since then..

I feel like a hypocrite now. I blocked her without a peep. Even continued playing and talking with other friends and posted not thinking nothing of it. It's been a nice what.. I think coming up on 2 weeks now. I've missed her a lot. I still think of her everyday but at the same point it turned into a matter of principle. I won't even lie, if things went my way, she would either be coming to me through alllll the other methods she used to use when she actually cared to have my attention or she would be getting left in the past. But through my scattered thinking and talk with another good friend made me realize how selfish it was. Complained about her treating me worse than she would a complete random, and yet here I am damn near rubbing it in her face that I'm specifically not talking to her and her only. I feel awful for it now.

I tried to reach back out but she understandably is ignoring me too now. I think she blocked me on a few diff platforms, including my phone number.. I feel awful for doing that to her now. She's an ass at times but she's still been a really good friend to me and I hate that I lashed out without thinking of her feelings, even if it was justified ig. I'm just gonna give her space for now. Shit it took me damn near two weeks of radio silence and thinking for me to stop being angry with her

A few days later lol

We are.. in the clear? Not really honestly. We're still very distant feeling and I genuinely can't imagine ever trusting her the way I have in the past.. but it went over smoother than I thought. I know she's still upset with me, whether she wants to admit it or not. All those months of us spilling each and every thought to each other made it very easy to read her. I can't tell what exactly she's feeling, but she's hiding something.

It really kills me. I can see it plain and clear and I'd love to talk it over, but it's not really my place anymore is it? That's been the most difficult part of all this. I don't really understand how to keep a distance without coming off cold. I care about her and all but at the same point, it'd be extremely stupid to try to get her to open up while also tryna stay closed off myself. Recipe for disaster. Maybe someday she'll bring it up, but for now, I just have to pretend I don't see it

I'm very grateful to her still. She taught me a lot and she is a really good friend. I know if I ever seriously needed her she wouldn't flake on me and she's helped me so many times throughout our friendship. It's really the only reason I went back to us. It felt like a dick move to just ghost and act like her being mean sometimes completely overshadows all the good she brings. Plus I did promise I wouldn't. My feelings being hurt isn't a reason to break that promise imo. I'll stay in her life for as long as she allows it

Though that being said, she's not my best friend anymore. I don't even consider her a close friend atp. I aint gon play her or anything. Im still willing to talk about why I left and what I've been hiding for now. But once the dust settles.. she'll be treated like allllll my other friends. They don't get dogged out or anything but ya know ofc it's very different. I just don't trust her anymore

The thought of us talking through everything and finally hanging out just to hang out makes me paranoid. Will she drop me like she did when she got serious about her ex? Is she gonna be that mean everytime she has a breakup? Is she gone take my happiness the wrong way atp? Should I already preemptively be limiting my talking time with her?

Too many damn questions..

Which is why i think that's that saga done for now. I doubt she'll want to talk about it so I'm just gonna let it simmer out itself ig. I love her sm. I hate that I can't just slap the rose tinted glasses back on. She deserves someone like that. She's truly a gem once you get past all her walls. If I were stronger, I would still be chasing after her now. But after months of unsatisfying resolutions and unspoken tension, ive finally reach a point where I just can't take the hurt from it all 🤷‍♀️

Ah damn it's been tearing me up though. I've never experienced any of this bs before. I hope someday we can both get back to a place where I can consider letting her back in. I miss that time a lot. Dang ik I aint crying rn 🗿

[apex-knight]

The time I wanted to deck a girl in the face 

 I didn’t of course lol. But I felt the sensation for the first time.

So let me preface this by saying that I’m not a violent person. I live my life as a pacifist. I think I got it from growing up in a household of medical doctors heheh. But anyways, when I’m mad at someone I never have the thought to lash out. I just get really quiet and dismissive. Except for this one time in high school in which I felt the sensation for the first time. 

Back in high school most of my long time friends had been girls I’ve known since elementary school. I have this one friend that I was really close with (and no we were not in a romantic relationship we were just close) who was very nice and gets really excited over most of her interests. She would often tell me stories about stuff that happened to her. And even though I wasn’t entirely interested, I still payed attention an listened to her stories because a) It clearly made her happy and b) it made me happy to see her get excited while talking about things she is passionate about.

So there was this other girl that came into our friend group because she was dating one of my middle school friends. One of my childhood friends (my closest childhood friend) had also become acquainted with her. So she had some footing in our friend group. I didn’t really think much of her. We didn’t have any classes together or anything. Ive only ever seen her before and after school when the whole group was together.

 One day after school, my close friend (the one i said that is very passionate) and I were hanging out waiting for the others and she was talking to me about something I was actually semi interested in and I paid attention as usually. It was about something crazy some other person did in her neighborhood. The details are pretty fuzzy but I remember it being a funny story. Then the new girl along with my childhood friends came up to meet with us. My excited friend and I turn to greet them.

The new girl asked what’s up. So now, my exited friend turns to her and begins to tell her about the story.

Now important thing to highlight. My friend didn’t just suddenly start her story over. She told the girl something akin to “I was just talking about the time my neighbor *insert name here* did *insert wacky thing here*”. That’s the kind of thing she said.

Now here is the fucked up part. The girl literally says in the happiest tone

“Oh I don’t know that person so I don’t really care.”

Guys, holy shit was ever consumed by rage.

The girl said it in such way that if you were to put it in text form, it would have :) or a uwu at the end in order to further emphasize “I don’t care about what you have to say at all lol”.

For a split second, I actually understood what people mean when they say they were seeing red. The girl almost immediately tuned her attention to my childhood friend and began talking about something else entirely.

Now luckily, my friend wasn’t to affected by this (at least i hope not). When it happened she kind of paused for a moment and turned her attention back to me to continue her story like nothing ever happened. But I was so consumed by anger at the time that I found it hard to pay attention to the rest of the story.

I wanted to either plant my fist square between her eyes or plant my foot share between her vagina and asshole. 

But I didn’t because I’m a civilized human being and as such I instead tried my best to listen to the rest of my friends story.  

That girl was extremely disrespectful and from then on I didn’t like her at all. The next year I starting seeing her more often between brakes and it became more difficult to avoid her since she was always hanging out with my childhood friend. I kept seeing her passive aggressive nature up close and thank god she didn’t do anything like that to my childhood friend or else I probably would have started yelling at her. 

I've gotten over it of course, I didn’t see her as often during senior year. She might have broken up with my middle school friend and drifted away from my childhood friend (thank god)

But yeah, that was an interesting moment for me that really made be realize just how much I value my friends. And, it also goes to show how much self control I had back in the day. Now that I’m older, I could think of alot of ways in which I could have called her out on her behavior.  

But that’s all in the past now. 

She’s probably a better person now. 

Honestly highschool was the worst for all of us. But we all grow up and get better am I right?

[peachymhaechan]

“Wait... You’re the Little Voice Inside My Head?”

Genre: fluff, soulmate! au; you can hear your soulmate’s thoughts, which isn’t always the best thing

Pairing: Lucas X gender neutral reader

Warnings: cussing, you will have a cavity by the end of this it’s too damn sWEEt

A/N: wong yukhei can stay in his mcfreakin lane:)) okay:)) this hurt me to write he truly did make his way up my bias list and I am .? okay,, I guess this is what we are doing

ever since you were little, you always heard voices inside your head

those voices being 1. you, and 2. a little boy you had never heard out loud in your life

the first time you heard him was when you were four, playing with an imaginary friend in your room

I wonder what Mommy is making for dinner, you thought and lo and behold

I want my mommy to make something without vegetables!

uhhhhhhhhh .?

that was not your voice

but you being a four year old with an imaginary friend, you were like “cool I guess, sometimes it be that way” 

at dinner you brought it up to your parents, but of course they passed it off as your imaginary friends

I mean,, lets be real

you were little and ran around the house all day talking to your imaginary friends, so that was the logical explanation in that situation

that was only the first incident you had with the boy speaking in your head

and lemme just say, as y’all got older, it only got wilder

you only knew that he heard what you thought for one reason

he’d always, and I mean ALWAYS

respond

one time in elementary school, your class was taking a math test and you had no fuckin clue what was going on

uhhhhhhh what the frick is 8 times 9 divided by 2 plus 4???

don’t worry tho, your mystery boy came in clutch

40! The answer is 40! his little voice chimed, saving your ass and being the reason you scraped by with a b

as time went on, you heard him more and more, and occasionally yall would have full conversations

only when you got older did you realize

shit dawg, this is my soulmate

once you hit middle school, you finally sat your parents down and basically said

that imaginary friend that would talk in my head when I was little hasn’t gone away and im pretty sure that’s my soulmate quirk

of course your parents were like. oh ? worm ? 

you explained to them the whole thing tho

“ive had legitimate conversations with him before, he hears some of my thoughts and I hear his. I can’t really control what all he hears, though, and neither can he, so it’s very weird to hear things out of context.” 

the entire time your parents sat there, both confused and happy

on one hand, they didn’t fully understand how it all worked, 

and on the other, they were proud because their lil baby was all grown up, talking to their soulmate!! moving towards the second part of their life !!

from that moment, your quirk progressed even more

you started to talk to him more and more, and he heard more and more of your thoughts

it was odd, really, because everybody has thoughts that make them guilty

you know, thoughts that can embarrass you for even thinking them?? 

not because they’re dumb (although let’s be real, everyone has their fair share of dumb thoughts), 

but because you know they’re mean:/

one night you were up thinking that,

thinking: you probably hate me…. all of my thoughts are so mean and harmful, and it brings me shame to know that I can be so vile to people without even meaning to. I’m sorry…. I wouldn’t blame you for hating me. 

for some reason, your mystery boy was awake (bitch go tf to sleep it’s three in the damn morning) and he responded

hey, two things…. 1. you’re such a dumbass, and 2. it’s not your thoughts that matter, but how you react to them afterward. the fact that you think your thoughts can come off as mean show that you care, and that you’re not as shitty of a person that you think you are. 

listen,,, we all know lucas ain’t always that deep but we can pretend for this au ok

you sat there in complete shock and then he went, anyways you adorable idiot, go to sleep, you have finals in the morning. 

from that night on, you talked to him more and more

had a bad day? lucas would know all about it as soon as you got home

lucas did something embarrassing while out in public? you’d hear about it while in public as he tried not to spontaneously combust

you will never believe what I just did…. the barista told me to have a good day and I said “you’re welcome”

of course you laughed,,, that dumbass is supposed to be your soulmate ?? 

how

but you told him chill dude, everyone says shit like that sometimes, it happens to the best of us 

he was with you during your cringey phases (as you were with him during his) 

he was there the first time you had your heart broken

your friends all told you not to date the popular basketball player, but you said yeet I guess and well

lucas consoled you as you cried, not over that boy but over yourself for thinking something like that could work

“I don’t know why I even tried. He isn’t you, and he never will be. Hell, I don’t even know your damn name but I know we fit together more than that guy and I ever could.” 

that night was the first night you learned his name, wong yukhei, or lucas as his friends called him

“My name is Wong Yukhei, but my friends call me Lucas. And I’m sorry some guy treated you like shit. You don’t deserve to be treated like that, you deserve the whole world. I wish I knew who you were, where you were, so I can finally meet you and tell you everything I never told you.”

and that was the first night he learned your name 

“y/n, my name is y/n, and I know we are going to meet soon. I just know it. I can feel it.” 

and you were kind of right ??

it all depends on what your definition of soon is tbh

bc that whole sappy convo took place in your junior year of high school

and y’all met in college !!

it was high key odd and not at all how either of you planned to meet, tho

it was your first week at college, and you were nervous af

parents? gone. responsibilities? crippling. adulting? expected. 

you finished moving in a while ago, and by then had met your not so pleasant roommate 

let’s just say uhhhhhh this roommate had been a complete and utter dickhead

so you threw on some shoes, grabbed your laptop and wallet, and went to the library on campus

after all, it was only the first week, there shouldn't be too many

you walked in and the first thing you saw was someone crying and saying “FUCK SCHOOL” 

naturally you were like, “bitch me too. tf?” 

but decided to not say that to that kid so you quickly skrrted the fuck out there (yote, if you will)

as you dipped real quick, you went through your options in your head

coffee? target? dorms? 

coffee seemed like your best bet, so you hauled your ass to the campus café 

as soon as the door opened, stress melted from your mind

i’ll drink to that, bro

the place was not too busy, it was during the middle of the day so people were either asleep or busy

there wasn't a line so you walked up to the person working at the register 

“shit fuck what should I order from this coffee place??” 

“mountain dew with two shots of espresso” - the ever so helpful Wong Yukhei

“okay what the fuck??” 

“lemme get uhhhhhhh iced coffee I guess,” you said, paying and waiting for your drink

while waiting, you went and grabbed a straw, and out of the corner of your eye you spotted a fuckin. GiAnt enter the establishment

he seemed goofy tho,,, so u were like. ok. cool. pop off, I guess. 

you couldn’t hear him speak, but inside your head you heard, “Iced coffee.” 

“yeah, what about it? I already ordered it, you’re a little late.” 

he did not respond which had you going ?? miss keisha, miss keisha, oh my fucking god she fucking dead !

you patiently waited for your cold bean juice while the guy paid and literally stumbled right by your feet to get a straw for himself

before you could ask if the Clumsy Giant was okay, the barista called out, “ Y/N!” 

you went to pick up the drink, and felt two eyes drilling holes in the back of your head

naturally, you turned around like. ? we got beef? 

but found the actually kinda cute boy staring at you in shock

“What?” you sheepishly asked, not sure if you had something on your face or if something was genuinely wrong, which would explain why that weirdo stared dead at you 

???

“Y/N.... y-your name is Y/N?” he asked, and his voice clicked right away

fuck, dude

you already knew the answer, 

you could recognize that voice anywhere

but you still wanted to ask and make sure you are not dreaming

however, before you could ask, 

the barista called out his name

“Lucas!” 

f u c k, dude

“Wong Yukhei?” 

“Y/N L/N?” 

you two both broke out into a grin upon hearing the other say your name out loud

yall clung to each other, wrapping the other in a huge hug

meanwhile, the barista was standing behind the counter, waiting for lucas to grab his drink like :/ i’ll wait!

“this is touching, and all.... but can you please grab your coffee?” 

“THAT IS MY SOULMATE!” lucas announced, obviously giddy at finding you

and tbh, you were feeling it, too

yall sat down at a little table and for a while, just stared at the person sitting across from the other

then, “I’m glad I met you.” 

“Me, too,” he agreed

and thus the start of a relationship with pretty much no communication issues ever, 

mostly due to the fact that there were no secrets 

not that either of you minded, because lets face it

you two had souls that were reflections from one another, and you can’t hide a secret from yourself so why would you hide a secret from him? 

[perryavenue]

Elementary, My Dear Anderson; Complete!

Chapter Thirteen                                Also on AO3

Chapter One Chapter Two  Chapter Three  Chapter Four  Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve

Note: This fic is complete! I hope you've had as much fun reading it as I've had writing it. Thank you for coming along for the ride on this Klaine/Sherlock Holmes mash-up! Huge thanks to @flowerfan2, my beta, my dear friend, and the one who happily pushed me into resurrecting this two year old idea from the ashes. And thank you to @slayediest @klaineadvent and @todaydreambelieversfic for keeping the candle lit for us.

Day 24: Santa

“Blaine? Blaine, honey, can you hear me? Do you know where you are?”

Blaine felt like he was swimming up from deep water.  Everything seemed really heavy and slow.  He tried opening his eyes but the light was too bright and it hurt.  His head ached, he was nauseous, and the left side of his body was sore. What had happened to him? He would be panicking, except that was Kurt’s voice next to him, and Kurt holding his hand tightly. He tried squeezing back, but he seemed to have lost most of his strength. A lighter press would have to do.

He smelled Kurt’s cologne, and then felt his lips on his cheek. Maybe he should try opening his eyes again.

There was his husband, his face bent down close to his, with red-rimmed eyes and a very scared expression on his face.  That was a look that never failed to gut Blaine. All he wanted to do was make it go away.

“Hey,” Blaine said softly. “What happened?”

Kurt swallowed and gripped Blaine’s hand more tightly. Blaine tried to lift his other arm to pull Kurt to him, which was when he realized it was tethered to an IV. That frightened him.

“Kurt! Am I okay?”

Someone else came into view, a woman wearing a white medical coat.

“Hi, Blaine. I’m Dr. Abutra. I’m a neurologist, and you’re at Lima Memorial Hospital. You’re going to be fine.  Nothing’s broken. You hurt your head, and we’re treating you for a mild concussion. You also have bruising along your left arm and ribs. Do you remember what happened to you?”

Blaine’s thoughts seemed all jumbled.  He had memories of Kurt as Sherlock Holmes and him as Dr. Watson (why was he Dr. Watson? Kurt had been in that play, not him!), and somehow, most of the people they knew in Lima had been involved, too.

Blaine closed his eyes again. “I’m trying to remember but everything seems all mixed up.  I think it’s making me feel worse. Ugh, my head hurts, and my stomach...”

“That’s okay,” Dr. Abutra said soothingly.  “That’s a normal response to a concussion.  No more questions for a while, then. Try not to think too hard about anything right now. Do you meditate?”

Blaine started to nod but doing that hurt, too. “Yes.”

Dr. Abutra looked pleased. “Good. Concentrate for now on emptying your mind and breathing slowly, in through your nose and out through your mouth.” Blaine immediately began to do just that, and found it helped.

Kurt still looked worried. “Can I stay with him?”

Dr. Abutra nodded. “Of course.  But it is starting to get late. We’re going to keep him overnight for observation.  Right now, the best thing for him is rest.  So you should decide if you want to go home at some point, and come back in the morning, or stay here. Blaine, I’ll be back to check on you later.”

Once they were alone, Blaine pressed Kurt’s hand again. “My eyes are closed because the light hurts, but I’m awake. You can talk to me.”

Kurt leaned down to kiss Blaine again, and he could feel the wetness from Kurt’s tears.  

“Please don’t cry. You heard what the doctor said. I’m going to be fine.”

Kurt wiped his eyes with a tissue. “You have no idea how scared we were. They couldn’t tell us if you were badly hurt or not until maybe a half hour ago, when all the test and scan results came back.”

Blaine shifted slightly on the mattress to get more comfortable. “How long have I been like this?”

“Maybe four hours? I don’t think you’ve been unconscious the whole time though.  The doctors and nurses said you were mumbling a lot. They actually got concerned, thinking you were hallucinating.”

Kurt giggled despite himself.  “They said they couldn’t make out most of what you were saying, but one word you kept repeating was ‘Holmes.’  They thought that maybe you were a builder or worked in real estate until I figured out you must have been talking about my play.”

Blaine groaned. “Oh my god. It was like I had entered a parallel universe.  We and our friends all existed but somehow did different things? You and I had English accents, I was Watson, and I don’t even think we were married to each other.  Plus Rachel made a pass at me.”

“No way!” Kurt exclaimed. But then he looked thoughtful. “You know, for Rachel, that’s not a surprise.”

Blaine groaned again, but this time from the headache and nausea.  “I think I may have just pushed my brain too hard. I’m going to do the breathing exercises again.”

Kurt sighed. “Oh sweetie. Let me go outside for a minute to speak to Dad and Carole while you rest. I’ll fill them in, and we’ll figure out what we’re doing.  I’m the only one they’re allowing to see you for now. I’ll be back.” Kurt leaned down and kissed Blaine again, but on the lips.

Blaine smiled, keeping his eyes closed.

*

The next morning, Kurt was at his husband’s side, both listening to the nurse’s discharge instructions.

“Blaine, for the next few days, you need to take it easy.  That means you want to limit your thinking/remembering activities to prevent your symptoms from getting worse.”

Blaine and Kurt nodded. That was easy, Blaine thought. He could do that.

“You also need to avoid any strenuous physical activity.”

Blaine and Kurt exchanged glances.  Did that mean no sex??

The nurse caught on and smiled at them. “I’m sure you can figure out how to be intimate in gentle ways. It’s only for a few days.  The rule of thumb for any activity is, if the activity worsens your symptoms, don’t do it until you can tolerate it. If your symptoms don’t worsen, then the activity is okay.  Also get plenty of nighttime sleep.  Give your body what it needs to heal.”

They talked for a few more minutes.  Then Blaine signed off on his discharge papers. The nurse gave him the written instructions to take home. “The wheelchair attendant will be here in a few minutes to take you out. Kurt, do you need to bring your car around?”

“No, my dad will be waiting for us at the front entrance.  I just have to text him when we’re ready to leave.”

The nurse smiled, and shook their hands. “Feel better soon, Blaine.  You still have a few days to decorate the tree and get ready for Christmas.”

Kurt shook his head. “Blaine’s not doing anything with tree decorations except supervise from the sofa.”

Blaine and the nurse both laughed. “Sounds like a plan,” she said. “Merry Christmas, guys.”

Once they were alone, Kurt lifted Blaine’s hand to his lips and kissed it. “I’m so glad you’re feeling better today.”

“Much better,” Blaine replied. “I’m glad I have pain killers for the headache and my side, but I’m a lot less groggy today. I still can’t get over that crazy dream I had.

Kurt put both of Blaine’s hands in his. “If it’s going to be a crazy dream, at least I’m glad I was in it.”

Blaine nodded. “Oh, you were brilliant.  Sherlock Holmes saved the day for McKinley High School, and I got to be your faithful Dr. Watson.”

“Now you’ll have a story to tell every Christmas.”

Blaine pulled Kurt to him. “Speaking of Christmas, what do you want Santa to bring you this year?”

Kurt sighed happily and sank into Blaine’s hug. “All I want for Christmas is you.”

The End

End Notes:

The genesis of this fic goes back to 2016, when I submitted the following prompt to the TodayDreamBeliever’s 2016 Gift Exchange: Klaine as Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson. You get to pick who inhabits which character. You can have them doing anything, e.g. solve a mystery in the style of Holmes or just be hanging out while Holmes plays the violin, or Watson writes his stories for Strand Magazine, as long as it's true to the Sherlock Holmes' canon.

When a different prompt of mine was picked instead, I asked if I could have this one back.  I’ve been a huge fan since childhood of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the creator of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson. He wrote numerous long form and short stories featuring these characters, and one of my cherished possessions is a copy of The Complete Sherlock Holmes. If your knowledge of the Holmes canon is from film and/or television, or from contemporary authors such as the brilliant Laurie R. King, who writes the Mary Russell – Sherlock Holmes novels, you owe it to yourself to read what started it all, the stories by Conan Doyle. Begin with the first one, the origin story, A Study in Scarlet. You won’t be able to put them down.

This fic is a mash-up of Klaine and Sherlock Holmes, with a bunch of Glee characters making “cameo appearances” (thanks @flowerfan2 for using that term, I’m stealing it from you for this note!). Throughout the chapters, I have liberally sprinkled a bunch of Glee references which I hope made you smile. I also used some famous Sherlock Holmes quotes from Conan Doyle’s books. In the interest of transparency, and my need to give proper credit, here they are:

“Come, Watson, come! The game is afoot. Not a word! Into your clothes and come!“ FromThe Abbey Grange

“It is a capital mistake to theorize in advance of the facts.” From A Scandal in Bohemia

“And you don’t want your name to appear?” “Not at all. The work is its own reward.”  From The Norwood Builder

“How often have I said that when you have excluded the impossible whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth?“  First used in The Sign of Four

[lovebunnie]

Do all the asks coward

1. what does your wallet look like?

-i got it as a present from my uncle for christmas and its really expensive but also so ugly im sorry uncle tom. its like that ‘southern fashion’ bullshit that white MAGA moms wear. but it was better than my old wallet, which looks like this and i got when i was 12:

2. favorite color?

- baby pinnk

3. do you own a pride flag, or more than one?

-heres the thing: my parents basically know im not straight but i havent told them. my brother has thought i was a lesbian since freshman year, i have a small pride pin on my backpack, ive never been on a date, its complicated. but no, i dont have one. maybe one day, hopefully.

4. describe your favorite outfit

-black pants, platform doc martens, hoodie under a jean jacket, one clip on earring, and holding my crushes hand :]

5. when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter, and what’d she do?

-okay so theres this girl in my theatre class who is really cute, and she put her head on my shoulder and shes pagan so she drew a little sigil on my arm that means “safe and homely” so like :)))))))))))))

6. do you use nail polish?

-i do, i mostly do black tho

7. do you keep organized?

-absolutely. i have things online filed accordingly, i pick out my outfits the day before, my binders are neat, i learned how to army fold my shirts, i keep my shit CLEAN

8. ever take naps?

-only accidentally. ill be laying in bed watching youtube and next thing you know my autoplay has me watching a markiplier video even tho i dont like him and its 4 hours later

9. who was your first crush?

-idk if this is a real person or not so ill do both. my first fake person crush was either troy from high school musical or frankie stein from monster high. and my first real crush was on a boy named dominic in elementary school. i told him i liked him at the end of 5th grade because i thought i was switching schools but then i didnt and we never spoke again.

10. what are your crush tendencies? fall hard or often?

-both both both. i am the worst with crushes. i have crushes all the time because im romantic and a fucking fool. i have 3 crushes off the top of my head rn and i like them all for different reasons. thats not to say that i want to date them, but its that i like them a lot and i kinda wanna kiss their cheek or hold their hand idk

11. describe your ideal day

-play overwatch with my best friend (u gonble >:) ) then hang out with my cat, go get a smoothie, buy some cool shoes or something, take a shower and be asleep by 9 :,)

12. describe your ideal date

-i have stated that build a bear is an amazing first date and im NOT BACKING DOWN. ITS CUTE AS FUCK AND ILL ACCEPT NOTHING LESS!!

13. whats your favorite food?

-either sushi or strawberries :3c

14. who do you feel most comfortable around?

-my theatre class, people from camp, and gobble

15. what is your favorite compliment to receive?

-i dont have a favorite, any and all are going to make my face go red so i have to cover it and maybe make me cry

16. did you/do you like highschool?

-the first 3 years fucking sucked but senior year has been amazing so far. mostly because i just kinda stopped giving a fuck but its amazing

17. favorite animal?

-i think its cats now. i really like cats

18. do you like your name?

-eh, its okay. its pretty but also it seems like there are 60 million fucking people named grace and its so annoying. i wish it was something more unique idk

19. what kind of weather is your favorite?

-a light rain. no swinging trees or thunder, just lots of rain. its nice to stay inside and feel secure

20. do you believe in horoscopes?

-absolutely not. but theyre fun if you like them

21. tell us about your music taste

-its horrific. to sum it up, my two favorite musicians are the gorillaz and frank sinatra. take from that what you will

22. have you had your first kiss? if so, what was it like?

-i havent had my first kiss yet. gonna be honest, i felt like i was going to, a few times at camp and recently when classes ended. but yeah, nothing yet

23. did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a kid?

-i went thro cycles of favorites. but one ive had for years is a plush shadow the hedgehog from universal studios i got when i was 6. i used to carry him around, even to a pool once

24. what time do you usually wake up and go to bed?

-if you know me, you know i go to bed ridiculously early. i usually get tried at around 6pm and fall asleep between 7:45 and 8:30. and i always wake up before 6 am. i havent slept past 6 am continuously since the end of junior year. please help me

25. what dream trip would you take with your wife?

-maybe to go explore new york, just the two of us that sounds like fun :]

26. do you have any pets?

-i have 2 dogs and a cat. the family owns the dogs but that cat is mine

27. what pair of underwear is your favorite?

-uhhhhhhhhhhh i have some with rainbows that are cool? i dont have favorites, none of them are cute anyway

28. what makes you smile?

-funny jokes make me smile real hard, and if you compliment me at the right time, i kind of pull my legs up and hide my face? its cute and charming i promise

29. what makes you feel heavy?

-in both the physical and metaphorical sense, eating bread

30. what makes you feel better?

-watching bo burnham always makes me feel better, hes my go to whenever im really depressed

31. how do you show your love?

-i show my love in everything i do. everything i do is for love, i love love so much its sickening

32. when is it time to get a haircut?

-whenever u want to lol?

33. where would you live if you could live anywhere?

-maybe san francisco, its beautiful and i love the city

34. do your friends and family take good care of you?

-as much as i allow them to. sometimes i go days without communicating and i know thats annoying but my friends put up with it (they shouldnt have to, i know) and my family is okay. its cliche to say, but they honestly dont understand what im going thro alot of the times, esp with my anxiety and shit

35. have you always used the labels you use now?

-back in the beginning of highschool, i used they/them pronouns and identified as asexual/aromantic. eventually, it didnt feel right, so i know identify as cis and bisexual and that feels right to me

36. what makes you laugh?

-my friends, when people shit talk gobble and i in overwatch even tho???? we didnt know him?????? and the mcelroys always get me

37. who is your favorite fictional character?

-too many options, see list here

38. who do yo admire?

-my father when hes not threatening to throw my phone into a fucking lake and my friends for putting up with me

39. describe yourself in three words

-i am baby

40. how long does it take you to get ready in the morning? 

-usually about 45 min, more or less as each day goes

41. what do you wish you could tell your younger self?

-listen: STOP GIVING A FUCK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE. YOU WILL NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN, BE YOURSELF. STOP HIDING AND BEING SCARED OF YOURSELF, BE GENUINE!!!!

42. what would you do if you win the lottery?

-get my parents settled, see about other family members, and then distribute the money to charities accordingly, starting with flint and getting them water

43. would you call yourself a romantic?

-yes

44. what is your gayest childhood memory?

-my mom had cosmos magazines

45. do you have tattoos or want any?

-i dont have any tattoos but ive been obsessed with them since the 6th grade. id love to get tattoos, i just dont know what or where and also im afraid of pain

46. whats your worst habit?

-either biting my thumbs, starving myself, or ghosting my friends. prob ghosting my friends

47. what are you proud of?

-i guess coming out of my shell finally? idk, i actually have friends now and it feels amazing tbh. im in 5 group chats now. i havent been in a group chat since 6th grade. :))))))

48. did you know that youre actually a gift to the world, for real?

-hi i love you?

49. whats your favorite memory?

-there are so so many. but what comes to mind first is our dance night at camp where we all stood outside and i finally gave ian my tumblr and we all ran inside to dance to mr. brightside then ran outside again and we requested nightcore and rivers was fucking dancing their hearts out and we all sang along and im going to crying just typing this out

50. do you have a sweet tooth?

-i guess so. too much makes me feel like shit but i do really enjoy smarties

51. what do you like most about yourself?

-this is dumb, but my sense of style. since i got a job ive been wearing shit i actually like and its amazing. ill admit i have cool clothes

52. what makes you fall for a girl?

-besides acknowledging me, probably getting to know me and not like, putting me on a pedestal. idk its weird, ive met a lot of people this year who like to place me so high it feels like i cant make a mistake around them without disappointing them. idk, i want someone to call me out on my bullshit instead of assuring me im okay. i want to know what i do wrong so i can fix it

53. make a recommendation

-for what? uhh okay for music, listen to ‘clay pigeons’ by michael cera (yes i know michael cera) and for television, watch bojack horseman and for movies, watch the docuseries called ‘7 days out’ on netflix

54. have you ever had your heart broken?

-yeah, when i broke up with maddy because we werent ready to date. i cared and continue to care about her and i didnt want to hurt her but i knew its what we both needed. its what i needed, atleast. and i cant be a good girlfriend if i feel like im doing badly. but also ive had friends break my heart and family break my heart. but im okay now, this heart is ready to be broken again

55. when do you feel most yourself?

-def when i was at camp, that place is magical in the way it allows you to be yourself. but also when i talk to gobble because hes my best friend and when im at college, we can talk more and its gonna be dope as shit

56. name a gorgeous celeb

-jake gyllenhaal jake gyllenhaal jake gyllenhaal 

57. what are some of your favorite songs this week?

-fake happy by paramore, im not okay (i promise) by my chemical romance, tomorrow comes today by gorillaz

58. tell us 2 or your biggest hopes and fears

-biggest hopes: i publish a book someday & i get a job doing something i love

-biggest fears: i end up homeless and broke & something horrific happens in college

59. what flavor chapstick/lipbalm is the best?

-raspberry i guess

60. are you okay?

-i answered a lot more honestly then i shouldve for some of these and i start new classes tomorrow so im feeling really anxious so im doing alright i guess.

gobble you test me but i do love you

[curspect]

My Tragic Aromantic Romantic Backstory

like I like the *idea of romance I guess but when applied to my own Self it’s like Nah Bruv....,

Ive always been good at making friends. Not to toot my own horn or anything but Toot Toot: I’m funny, im a little weird, I’m good for hanging out with,, etc.

Me in in elementary school not understanding the Crush Drama™️ and people ask me who my crush is and I’m like “I don’t have one.” And it’s funny, because in this stage of my life people actually believed me when I said “I don’t like-like anyone.” And none of my kiddo classmates were worried about me going after their boy/girl and I chilled pretty well with both sides of the gender divide

one time in summer camp this kid got infatuated with me and I liked them but like, as a friend who is fun to talk about Inuyasha with, and play Capture the Flag. but this romance thing was all uncomfortable and like shit bruv. I’ve seen TV and I know what you want this to be but it’s not really my Thing, yunno? I think I broke that kids heart a little that summer

I remember in high school when some kid asked me out and I was like eh.. well he’s fun to hang out with in band class I guess, so we went on a date and he kept sending me messages on Facebook whenever I logged on but like I was not Feeling The Love Tonight and when I told him I’d never really liked anyone before he was like “uh what does that mean” and I’m like “I meant what I said” and we also went to prom together as Friends but this relationship was all around an uneasy feeling of “man I think I’m gonna hurt this person cuz I don’t feel what he feels” so I made good and fucking sure I kept him at arms length and our friendship kind of dissolved because of it

And in college I was vascillating wildly between “not my problem, I don’t care about romance” and “am I going to die alone? am I getting the College Experience™️ if I’m not dating and drinking and fucking?? am I capable of love???” And when college was over and I was moving back home it felt like my heart was shattered from the close friendships I knew would break off.

And like a year after college one of my closest friends who I actually kept in touch with... I like confessed to her because surely this was the love people always talked about? we texted “I love you” to each other every night (even though I felt a twinge if Unease each time) but I was determined. This had to be It. After all, I loved her so much and missed her so much. And when she moved out to come live where I was so we could be together I was like Fuck and .... frankly. It was nightmarish. She was SO in love with me and as time wore on it became increasingly apparent to me that I had been wrong after all. I wasn’t able to return her love the way she wanted it. It was torture. I loved her as much as I’d loved anyone but somehow it was not enough. I couldn’t talk to her about it because she was so In love with me and also the type of person who was always looking for loving affirmation, and even when I tried to be like “I love you as much as I can”, and she tried to accept that, but it was. Bad. I broke up with her and we haven’t talked since.

It fucking sucks that romance is so pervasive it feels like it HAS to be the fundamental truth. I swear tho, if I ever have some kind of relationship again I’m Fully Frontal about my ~broken ass cold ass heart~ so they know what they’re getting into.

But it’s also stupid because I’m full of love and companionship and joy. I’m full of humanity and humor. it shouldn’t be so painful to be who I am

[unproduciblesmackdown]

here’s me talking about the month since i was last online

firstly it was/is depressing not to be able to talk with ppl or hear from them. or just to be able to talk somewhere i know people CAN hear. i also mentioned being completely detached from the news. i like to be current about the news. anyways i was like “well not like this is anything new” as its technically unusual for me to NOT be cut off both irl and from the internet. but, shockingly, that doesnt make it not depressing. and having something for even a bit makes it more frustrating to lose it even if its “normal” for you not to have it. also by depressing i mean i was going like hmm i sure am even more tired than usual and i am less interested in my few lingering faint interests. whats up with that! and then i was like oh yeah thats called Even More Depression

it is funny because im someone who has never really had that many friends and when i do we often end up separated one way or another. Very Close friends &/or Very Longtime friends are a foreign concept. basically the heights of my “what i wish it was like” for life involve having a group of friends with whom you can have fun in an empty parking lot in the middle of the night just talking and hanging out and messing around. friends that you feel comfortable being yourself around and like they appreciate you as much as you do them. i do not think this is ever going to happen, but oh well because in reality i can be very picky about people because i am weird, to put it that way for now. my social landscape and language is not always considered normal or even tolerable. and i have a lot of standards for who i want to have around me in terms of traits and personality. theres a lot of things im not interested in. anyways. i also just, in the way things actually are, often prefer to be alone, so that i can be myself and do things i feel like. i dont have to worry about being strange or feeling like i need to please people. anyways. unfortunately i dont ONLY like being alone. i actually really like to be with people and talk with them but i rarely can, and i figure this is bad for me. isolation isnt good for anyone obviously. not being able to be around friends in person depresses me. not being able to talk online either depresses me further.

i think sometimes about how much i dont say. its a funny place to say it, in an overly long text post. but one of the reasons they can be so long is because irl i dont really talk much to people. so it builds up and can come out through writing. sometimes it comes out in talking. i think that in conversations, when i do talk, i talk too much because of this. so one of the reasons i dont talk much is to prevent this, which obviously is like “well that would just cancel out” but there are other reasons i dont talk. but i have loads of thoughts and things to say. i end up keeping so much of it to myself and wonder sometimes if i’ll ever get to say some of it. sometimes i’ll have something to say and bite it back. i’ve been “quiet” all these past twenty some years of talking and i know the reasons i dont talk. i was thinking about the feeling of biting something back in an individual occasion feeling like the cumulation of all the years worth of keeping my own voice running in my head alone. it kind of feels like what you want to say is in your chest and throat and the roof of your mouth.

speaking of the roof of your mouth, theres a weird sensation i can feel sometimes, seemingly at random but mostly in strange times like trying to fall asleep. it is so transient and unlike any actual externally caused sensations that its been difficult to try to get a grasp of how to describe it, but i think i have it thanks to ongoing effort and an unusually long period of it a few days ago during which i was especially alert about it. it’s like having a pressure radiating out from inside your mouth. like an orb pushing outwards against the teeth and roof of the mouth. which i’m fairly sure isn’t anything that would ever happen, so i am assuming its some little neurological hiccup that happens to align every now and then, but maybe a previous life cycle has put something weird in their mouth. or shot into it, because i would be like, well not much has changed.

anyways. words sitting like a pressure in your mouth. i was seeing a thread about how grief is ongoing and reoccurring which also mentioned that people who specialize in knowing how grieving and living with it works often consider it to be a form of grief when someone’s life is affected by something like trauma. they have to grieve themselves because of the possibilities taken away from them. i feel that, sometimes. thinking about how i wish i had a life where i felt free to speak and where my identity mattered and i got to feel like i could be myself and it was important and it was important what i thought and wanted and who i really was. and where i got to have friends and do things and realize what it was to actually feel happy, not try to understand an unhappy existence as what must be okay. its not just what couldve been in the past, but also how that couldve affected the present and future. im not sure who i’d be if my life didnt have to be about survival and escape. i say i never had dreams, which is true, but in retrospect i DO think that when i was fifteen and really bearing down in trying to figure out what i wanted to do, i was already seeing activism as the answer, which made sense why it wouldnt register as a dream or ambition and why it was also impossible to pursue. i still dont think of anything like personal fulfillment through a career/job or anything. but i also dont think of what i want to do as very relevant to anything at all anymore.

anyways. i’m “used” to things, but they still depress and hurt me. i actually have a lot of sadness and anger about some of these things, like never getting to have the friends i wanted or never being able to speak and it not mattering who i really was, and how long it took me to realize this really wasn’t okay and it wasn’t because of some personal deficiency which made me deserve it somehow. also the abuse. i remember i had this how-to book about weaving friendship bracelets which i got sometime in elementary school, and it even supplied some twine and stuff. i had always wanted to have occasion to use it, and i never did, which is just symbolic. the twine/potential friendship bracelets can also be things like positive social connections that feel real and open, or my ability to feel secure in expressing affection because it seems mutual. but anyways. i also just go along.

i was thinking about the Being Gone For A Month thing and the not-talking and holding all my words back even though i think so much about all sorts of junk and thus have too much to say, and about a week ago i just spent like six hours writing about myself. i was debating doing so in the first place because i figured i wouldnt post it. i did write it, but i won’t post it. its just good to talk to myself in the form of writing. getting thoughts into that form requires an extra level of analysis and coherent flow that can help put even things you already knew more in order. so here’s this stuff instead.

there’s not much to say about this past month. the worst of it was that discovering my weird tooth is all janky and broken has made me on edge about teeth. i mean, i’ve already all but stopped worrying about the broke tooth, because i kind of do that sometimes when i can. just worry hard and then stop, because what can you do? might as well try to avoid stressing even worse. and in this case i dont have money and doubt i will ever have a job w dental coverage, so i cant do anything about it. but im always worried about my teeth because, fittingly, my parents dental genes seem to combine into that of a tasmanian devil. i think im in some Dental Report b/c i had this weird situation that needed basically a root canal but it wasnt the normal kind of root canal situation and the dentist said he hadn’t seen it or heard of it even. special. i was horrified about needing the root canal, because of the clichés. but it ended up being fine and i really just sat there for an hour thinking about whatever. dental procedures are truly not what theyre hyped up to be. on account of local anesthetics. anyways. when i left my parents house i was specifically worried about leaving my access to a dentist, but obviously it wouldve been far from worth it. but that doesn’t mean i dont worry about my teeth. so i had these few days where i just had a spontaneously sensitive gum spot and another one which im guessing i caused by jamming corn shards down in there by eating corn on the cob. that happened sort of last year, i got really worried about an angry-looking spot on my gums and finally realized something was just up in there that needed to be flossed out. anyhow. the point is i got overly worried about everything that always worries me even though it used to worry me even before going to the dentist and they’d say the stuff was fine actually. but still. i got

very worried for a minute there and i realized very easily that if i start getting any really serious tooth problems i am out of here. i have no motivation at all to live through it. i don’t want to have to deal with that. it’s way too much. i dont even have motivation to be alive now. but when i was worrying i was thinking about not using my handful of cash to change locations, but instead to get some fancy Dying Equipment. there are still some methods by which im not sure i could try offing myself. but if things got a lot worse, like teeth problems, i could probably lower those standards. i COULD obtain some items for one method, or by necessity do it for free. im less worried about the tooth stuff now. it was just an unfortunate convergence of a couple tiny things. but ive still got a sensitive spot or two, and im always a bit worried. if something bad happens i cant do anything about it except get tf out of this life cycle, right.

there was something else unfortunate i was going to talk about. maybe just the depression.

there were nice, small things. i always knew how to enjoy those kinds of stuff. i like the sky, and i appreciate that its summer. theres a lot of fireflies sometimes and i saw kittens chasing them one day. one of those kittens mightve gotten killed by something since. i got to hear rain on the roof a few times. i like corn on the cob even if it betrayed me. i was wanting some last summer. i also got to make sweet tea and lemonade for the first time in forever. i’d been wanting that for a long time too.

the nicest surprise was that i had been writing extra hard since the start of june. i sort of really pushed at it and got to the dividing point between the section and the next, and i was sure it was shorter than previous sections. but actually it was just over 1000 words short of being 140k, and i’d written it all in about five weeks, and it was abt 22.5% longer than the next longest section i’d written. i’ve since gotten to a point i’ve been writing towards since this whole time, and im right on the verge of another long awaited one right now. it’s nice, but writing has been fun, and i hope i dont get depressed if i hopefully do finish it. i can just write some more, but doing so on my phone isnt the most efficient. it doesnt seem sustainable.

anyways thats it for now before i can think of anything else to say am i right

[zouchu]

92 Truths Tag

RULES: Once you have been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 truths about you. At the end choose 25 people to be tagged..

I’ve been tagged by @bangtan-chats-and-memes​ (thank you so much !!)

LAST:

Drink: why, only the most exciting exotic unique rare drink ever    ... water

Phone call: initiated by me: my dad for permission to go to the mall / not initiated by me: my parents to check up on my sisters and i at home

Text message: i sent a screenshot of “jelly garden“ (candy crush rip-off) to my group chat with the caption “totally original / definitely not some chinese rip-off“

Song you listened to:   l o v e   s c e n a r i o   by ikon. i was obsessed with momoland’s “bboom bboom” for a while too                           Time you cried: ive teared up (because my eyes burn looking at things randomly), but the last time i let the tears fall was probably for/about Jonghyun.

HAVE YOU EVER

Dated someone twice: no remotely romantic relationships here

Been cheated on: see above

Kissed someone and regretted it: you’d need to have kissed to regret kissing (no)

Lost someone special: it’s circumstantial

Been depressed: the most ive felt was extreme stress, and thats not anywhere  close to depression, so nope

Been drunk and thrown up: i can’t not according to the Law, i am an obeyer (?) of the law sometimes probably

IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU

Made a new friend: ive gotten more comfortable with my friends’ friends this year, and began speaking to @allthingstaekook​ and @garekinanase97​ a lot more !!

Fallen out of love: you need to have been in it to fall out of it, haha!

Laughed until you cried: oh definitely

Met someone who changed you: friends/family  changed me while i was being made... does that make sense? they molded me more than changed me

Found out who your true friends are: for sure, hopefully (for sure)

Found out someone was talking about you: my second eldest sister probably, who tells her friends about me? for some reason? bc that makes sense to her?? somehow ????

GENERAL

How many people in Tumblr do you know in real life?: no one and i don’t mind lol (i suck at social interaction)

Do you have any pets?: nope, bc its too much of a responsibility (my parents words, paraphrased, not mine)

Do you want to change your name?: not really... never thought about it, but i don’t mind changing or not changing it

What time did you wake up this morning?: 7:28 am

What were you doing last night?: procrastinating the fUCk out of my english rant thats due on fRIdAy and im probably gonna restart aGAIn

Name something you cannot wait for: summer vacation probably

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?: there was a kid named Thomas at my elementary school who did weather reports for probably 5+ years

What’s getting on your nerves right now?: MY UNABLITY TO DO WORK AND FINISH A SIMPLE ENGLISH ASSIGNMENT LIKE WHATS SO DIFFICULT ABOUT IT XIAO HOW HARD CAN IT BE (REALLY FCUKING HARD APPARENTLY)

Blood type: ive got... no idea

Nickname: i use my chinese name “xiao” here (even though no one seems to use it) bc i dont trust the internet very much yet.

Relationship status: tis i, a lonely single bean

Zodiac sign: gemini! ive never went out of my way to look at it, but when i do, i dont relate very much 

Pronouns: she/her

Favourite show: uhhhh i dont watch... shows? cartoons, maybe (phineas and ferb, spongebob, fairly odd parents). the only kdrama ive finished was the guardians, and it was pretty good.

College: nope, im practically a baby still

Hair colour: was black and always has been

Do you have a crush on someone?: ive had a crush before. rn... i not sure what i feel 

What do you like about yourself?: im pretty happy with how i turned out. i’ve only been unhappy about minor physical things. id definitely upgrade my productivity if i were to change anything.

FIRSTS

First surgery: none i can remember

First piercing: my ears when i was 3: begged my aunt to get them pierced. after one ear, i didnt want to anymore, and she ended up bribing me to get it pierced

First sport you joined: swimming? badminton? not too sure

First vacation: to china, but idk if that counts as a vacation since i stayed there for 4-5 years so

First pair of sneakers: hey, kudos to you if you can remember that, bc i cant

RIGHT NOW

Eating: just ate a snickers

Drinking: why, only the most exciting exotic unique rare drink ever    ... water

I’m about to: TRY to work on english

Listening to: my playlist shuffled to Married to the Music by SHINee -- so underrated gOD

Want kids: i wanna adopt, so when the kids have more common sense and know when to stop crying and disobeying at random times

Get married: doesnt sound too bad. i picture myself living a pretty basic life, so marriage is probably in the picture somewhere

Career: anytime an adult asks me this question to try to start a conversation... hooo boy, did you make it difficult bc i have no idea. business maybe, editor maybe... idk

WHICH IS BETTER

Lips or eyes: never really thought about this... eyes?

Hugs or kisses: idk what kisses are like, and i seem to try to avoid hugs when offered soooooo ill go for the unknown: kisses

Shorter or taller: o shit ive never thought about this before. i’d like to be taller, or same height, give or take 5 cm

Older or younger: age doesnt equate their behavior. if we’re solely looking at age, give or take 2 years maybe?

Romantic or spontaneous: ooh both

Sensitive or loud: i get loud when im comfortable and passionate, so itd be nice to have a balance, and a counterpart, so.. both

Hookup or relationship: relationship. hookups would not be for me (i think waaay too much into everything)

Troublemaker or hesitant: im pretty indecisive and hesitant, so a counterpart here to urge me to be more ~adventurous~  would be nice

HAVE YOU EVER

Kissed a stranger: nope

Drank hard liquor: nope

Lost contacts/glasses: i dont wear either so

Sex on first date: nope

Broken someone’s heart: not to that extent, but “rejected” (ran away)

Been arrested: nope and hopefully never

Turned someone down: in 6th grade, i ran away from/pointedly ignored 2 confessions and i feel terrible, thinking back. they were good friends, for sure, but i was am emotionally constipated and lack emotional and social intelligence

Fallen for a friend: no... maybe? fallen =/= crushed. crushed, yes

DO YOU BELIEVE

In yourself: most times

Miracles: i believe in chance and possibilities, so you could say i believe in miracles

Love at first sight: attraction yea, but love? of course not

 -- la fin --

i tag uh,, @allthingstaekook @4-rmv @gudetaeyeon @fightme-jungkook @yoonjih no pressure though !!

[veryangryhedgehog]

“Scattered Pieces,” an Ede Valley story by Hedgehog.

March

When Cindy awoke, it was to the beep of hospital monitors. She bolted up suddenly, nearly dislodging the IV from her arm, and glanced around the unfamiliar room rapidly. Where was she? What had happened? The walls were white. Was she dead? Then her eyes fell upon Marcell, half-dozing in an uncomfortable chair next to the bed she was laying in, and she relaxed. If she was dead, then there was no way Marcell would be here.

He blinked at the noise, and smiled, relieved. “You’re awake,” he breathed. “I was getting worried.”

“What… happened?” she asked. “St. Adelaide’s, the Truth? Is everyone alright?”

“They’re all fine,” he grabbed her hand. “As for Adelaide’s, well, I might as well show you.” Sighing, Marcell grabbed a remote from the bedside table and flicked it towards the TV.

Cindy gasped at the image. Behind the scrolling text of the news program was live footage of St. Adelaide’s hill, or at least, what used to be the hill. All that was left there now was a gigantic crater.

“Oh my god,” she muttered.

“When we woke up, we could see the sky. Thank god it was dark by that point.” Marcell stared nearly wistfully at the TV. “When you were still out cold, we got you to the hospital. That was three days ago.”

“Three days?” Cindy’s eyes widened. “And… the Truth?”

Marcell made a face. Not the greatest of signs. “It’d be best if Aurum explained. But right now you need to rest.”

“I have been sleeping for three days, you know.”

“And now you’re going to sleep a little more,” he intoned before kissing her on the forehead. “Oh,” he added. “Before I leave and let you sleep…” he suddenly looked very guilty. “About what happened down there, when I… lost control…”

“When you almost killed me, you mean?” Cindy confirmed.

He nodded. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I never should have—the two of us, it’s… too dangerous.”

But Cindy just rolled her eyes. “I forgive you. And no, it’s not. If the only time I’m in danger is when you’re being forced into an existential crisis by an unfathomable cosmic entity, then I think I’m alright.”

Marcell just shook his head. “I’m never going to be able to dissuade you, am I?”

“Nope.”

“Then in response to your words down there,” he managed a small smile. “I love you too.”

Cindy’s smile then was the sun itself. She grabbed his hands, and he pulled her in for a soft kiss, and in that moment, Cindy knew that everything was going to be okay.

~~ o ~~

The three of them were always there now, just on the edge of Doug’s vision. They sat in the chair in the hospital room, they looked out the window to the parking lot below, they never got too close, and they never spoke. But they were here now, in the real world for good, brought out of the depths of his head in a plume of mercury off-gas. A barrier had been crossed, and there was no going back now.

Doug took this development as he had taken most of the others in his past; he shrugged, and simply thought: “Great. I guess this is my life now.”

It had been three days since that Niko kid had brought him here, and at least there had been a little improvement since then. His vision was mostly back to normal—sans the constant visual hallucinations—and his thoughts weren’t running through his mind like the extra thick kind of Aunt Marma’s Genuine Maple Syrup anymore.

The shaking and the spasms, however, had only gotten nominally better. “That will improve with time,” the doctor told him. “But it’s unlikely that they will ever fade entirely. Mercury poisoning is not something that can be easily reversed. Some of the damage to your motor functions and other parts of your brain might be permanent.”

The doctor seemed nearly perturbed at how well Doug was taking all of this, but he couldn’t very well tell him that this was just the culmination of over two years of near-constant abuse. Then he’d be recommended a counselor and that would be a pain and Doug would much rather deal with it in his own special way: bottling all of it up and figuring it out himself. Sure, it probably wasn’t the most effective, but it was certainly the easiest.

But he wasn’t thinking about all that now, not really. Because for the last three days, only one thought had been dancing through his mind, cavorting around his dreams: how he was going to kill Abigail Hodge.

The first step of this complicated, multistage plan was to get out of this hospital. Then he was going to track her down and murder her dead. There were of course a lot of auxiliary steps in between this, not all of which made sense to anyone except Doug. But that was all that really mattered. He was going to kill her.

For now, however, all he could do was bide his time. He still could only walk about to the bathroom and back before his legs began to give out from under him. But he was getting better, slowly regaining his strength back. Any day now, he would begin his quest for vengeance.

Except of course, that nothing could ever go according to plan for Doug. Because the next morning, something wholly unexpected happened. A nurse just strolled into his room, grinned at him as if nothing was wrong, and said: “Doug, your sister is here to see you.”

Doug’s blood turned immediately to ice. It was Abigail. It had to be. She was the only person who knew about that. But wrong again, for an instant later, the woman who strolled through the door set him into an even more confused panic.

At first he thought he must be hallucinating the whole thing, because she should be dead. The last time he’d seen her she’d been through the windshield of Morgan’s car. But it wasn’t in his head, because Cocaine was in the corner, snorting something off the rim of the sink.

This couldn’t be real. Elizabeth was dead.

He couldn’t say anything, his throat glued closed.

The nurse merely smiled at him, then turned to not-Elizabeth. “I’ll leave you too alone, Ms. Bailey.”

“Oh please,” she grinned. “Call me Jilli.”

Ah, he understood now. This was all some kind of trick. Some bizarre mercury-fueled dream. Clover’s relation, Elizabeth’s face, Jilli’s name. If he squeezed his eyes shut he’d wake up in a second.

It didn’t work.

“If you’re thinking this is a dream,” the woman smirked, “you’re wrong.”

“Who the hell are you?” Doug asked.

“Me?” she grinned. “My name is Kei. I’m a warrior princess from the moon. And I’m here to make a deal with you…”

~~ o ~~

April

Both Cindy and Tommy had been in and out of the East Branch a lot over the last few weeks. After a short recovery, the whole group met once more and Aurum explained the situation.

“Unfortunately,” she sighed. “It seems out mission is not yet complete.”

“What do you mean?” Niko asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

Looking upwards, Aurum attempted to explain. “When you stabbed the Truth, you didn’t destroy it, merely fragmented it. Which is good, it’s far less harmful that way.”

“But we still have to track down the pieces,” Marcell sighed.

“This doesn’t seem all that uncommon,” she added apologetically. “Abigail claimed to have it in her mind, after all, and… other times.” It was subtle, but Tommy didn’t miss her glancing over to Servus. Strange.

So Cindy was in and out helping Marcell and Aurum do research. She proved nearly invaluable with both her technological and magical advantages.

Tommy, however, was there for a different reason. Even after everything that had happened, Mathilda still refused to budge, and he had come to the conclusion that she was broken. But then he remembered something: Aurum had said that it was probably Atlantean in construction, and now… well now there were two Atlanteans living temporarily in the library. So he asked them for their help.

“I was raised in seclusion far outside of the city,” Gil confessed. “But Muirne may be able to help.”

“Aye,” she nodded. “I’m no expert, but my mother was a makinist. You said this was a wagon?”

“That travels between dimensions,” Tommy nodded.

“I’ve heard of a few prototypes. I’ll take a look.”

Just as they were about to leave, Tommy felt a tap on his arm. He looked down to see Servus staring at him with his usual deadpan expression. That had been the other reason Tommy had been coming to the library.

Ever since that first raid on St. Adelaide’s, it appeared that Servus was beginning to develop a personality. It was very subtle, he had trouble emoting and especially speaking, and seemed to be terribly confounded and confused by all of this. And so from one lost kid to another, Tommy just kind of… took him under his wing.

“Come?” Servus asked, one of his eyebrows twitching up an inch. Even though he was slowly becoming more human, Tommy had a feeling he would always be able to win first place in any resting bitch face competition he ever decided to enter.

“Sure,” Tommy shrugged. “Why not.”

After waving goodbye to Aurum, the four of them made the trek out to Mathilda, still in the abandoned lot across from the elementary school. Tommy frowned as he saw that weeds had begun to grow around her wheels, and he grumbled as he pulled them out.

Muirne and Gil waited patiently for him to finish, while Servus bent down to help hm. “Thanks,” Tommy nodded, patting him on the head. Muirne looked over at the automaton, a slightly pained expression on her face.

“Alright,” Tommy straightened. “Welcome to my humble abode.” He gestured ironically, and opened the door to the inside.

He’d forgotten how musty it smelled inside. No one else had been in here in a long while… except maybe Cowell once or twice. He crawled over the pile of blankets to pull the small window on the side open, then stuffed the big comforter into the back.

Muirne and Gil stepped inside, both politely avoiding crinkling their noses. “Mind if I poke around?” Muirne asked, and Tommy waved the affirmative.

“Yes, this is definitely Atlantean,” Muirne muttered, running her hand along the carvings on a wooden beam. “Which means that somewhere along here…” she pressed the center of a decorative sun, and a small panel emerged from the wall.

Tommy’s eyes widened. “Wha—?”

“You never knew this was here?” Muirne chuckled.

“Not a clue,” Tommy shook his head. He wondered if Remus had known about this.

Muirne turned a few dials and examined the window, which snapped closed on it’s own to reveal a pale sort of overlay.

“You know you’ve had this on ‘automatic,’ right?” she asked after a minute

“Automatic?”

“Aye. You’ve just been letting the old girl go wherever she wants.”

Tommy felt a little weak in the knees. “You’re telling me… that all this time… there was a manual setting? I could’ve left at any time?”

“That is what she’s saying, yes,” Gil raised an eyebrow.

A grin began to spread over Tommy’s face. This meant… why, he could go wherever he wanted now. Any place in the whole cosmos, any adventure he wanted. He could leave Ede Valley, get out of this place that put so many bad memories on his shoulders. Free as a bird, nothing to tie him down.

“Well shit,” he said. “Maybe I’ll…”

But he broke off as he happened to glance over at Servus. It seemed to be dawning on the kid what it meant if Mathilda was fixed, if Tommy could leave. His first thought was to see if Servus wanted to go with him, incredibly fitting, after all. But he realized then that it wasn’t just Servus keeping him here.

It was Cindy, who he’d just met again after all of these years. It was Mike, who he’d never known and right now needed help from people who could understand. And besides, how the hell could he quit his job at the Smiling Goat? Literally how. Cowell would somehow twist his words around in his mouth so badly that he’d be working more hours instead.

And he realized then that the thought of flying away was a distant pipe dream. As much as he hated to admit it, he had roots here.

As he was mulling this over, Gil and Muirne had been discussing something in the corner. As Tommy stirred from his internal monologue, Muirne jumped on him. “Please,” she said, “before you go, allow me to study her. If Gil and I had a machine like this…”

Tommy smiled. He knew what Remus would want him to do. “Take her for a while,” he said.

Gil and Muirne blinked. “Truly?” Gil asked, recovering first. “You are not ‘pulling our legs’?”

“Not forever, keep in mind,” Tommy shrugged. “I expect you to take good care of her, and I expect her back in one piece. And don’t make a mess. I know exactly what’s going to go down in here.” And what had, many times over the last couple years, with many different people, he added to himself.

Blushing furiously, Gil spluttered. “I don’t know what you could possibly be referring to.”

Tommy clapped him on the back, and winked. “Yeah, you do. Anyway, give me one more night in her and I’ll clean out my junk in the morning.”

“Thank you,” Muirne blinked. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Just keep her safe,” Tommy requested. “She’s got a lot of good memories in her. Come on, Servus,” he added to the automaton, who seemed to have perked up considerably over the course of the conversation. “Let’s get you back to Aurum.”

“Alright,” Servus lifted one side of his mouth an inch.

“Hey, you almost did it!” Tommy beamed. “You know what, let’s get some ice cream on the way back. Wait, can you eat ice cream?”

Servus blinked. “Don’t know.”

“Welp, I guess we’ll find out, then,” Tommy hopped down Mathilda’s creaky step after Servus and they walked down the road as the sun began its slow descent into the horizon.

~~ o ~~

May

Cindy had never expected so many people to show up to her high school graduation. Not that it was really a big deal for her, it was just a celebration of her assent from hell itself, but she was flattered nonetheless. Lucius was, of course, sitting with the teachers, but she kept noticing him glancing over in her direction with a slightly goofy grin. Tommy, Niko, Servus, and Cowell were on one side of the bleachers, and Tommy waved as she walked in. Servus held his camcorder, no doubt so Aurum could see as well. Her mother was on the other side of the bleachers, a handkerchief clutched in her hands, and Mike sat next to her, a finger hovering near his ear as if he was casually trying to block out some of the noise. He was trying for a grin, but Cindy could tell that he was very overwhelmed.

She was surprised at the sheer volume of noise that accompanied her rise to the stage. In fact, it nearly knocked her off her feet. She’d been expecting polite applause and not much more. Then again, she supposed the friends she did have were not the quietest bunch.

Though she couldn’t help noticing Mike leaving the bleachers shortly after she sat back down.

As soon as the ceremony was done, families and friends lingered in the gymnasium, but Cindy snuck out as fast as she could. She found Mike just inside the front doors of the school, his eyes closed.

“You alright?” she tapped him on the shoulder, to which he jumped slightly.

“Yeah,” he said, “Just the people and… a little overwhelming.”

Cindy frowned. “Sorry.”

“’S not your fault,” he shrugged. “It’s not anyone’s really.”

“Abigail’s,” Cindy supplied.

“I’m not ever really sure about that,” he gazed off into the distance. “She’s just a slave to human instinct, curiosity. Just like all the rest of you.”

It still felt strange whenever he didn’t include himself in ‘people’. He’d been acting more and more like Mike over the months, as he got some of his memories, some of himself back, but it was times like this when she knew that Mike would never truly return.

Their mother found them a second later. “Oh, Cindy,” she said, wrapping her arms around her enrobed daughter. “I am so proud of you.” She pulled away, and began to tear up a little.

“Moooom,” Cindy rolled her eyes, but she smiled. “Thanks.”

Tommy and the crew emerged from the gym a minute later. “Oh, there’s some friends,” Cindy said. “I’d better go say hi, I’ll be right back.”

She ducked through the crowd, and came up behind them, tapping Tommy on the shoulder. He grinned, and they hugged. “Congrats on being the only one of us to actually finish high school,” he beamed.

“Hey, I got pretty close,” Niko pouted.

“Yeah, only missed by a whole entire year,” Cowell shook his head in mock disappointment.

“It’s better than Tommy,” he insisted. “He didn’t make it past the third grade.”

Tommy frowned. “I still got a good education,” he said. “Just not a very… conventional one.”

“Oh yeah, what’s pi then?”

“Uh, something you eat? Duh?”

“I rest my case,” Niko folded his arms before looking over to Cindy. “But congratulations.”

“Thanks,” she nodded, “and the only reason I’m even here right now is because while all of you were off having adventures I was stuck back here in good old Ede Valley.”

“I don’t know,” Tommy said, glancing over to their mother and Mike. “I wouldn’t knock what you’re got.”

“Tommy,” she put a hand on his shoulder. “You know you could always go talk to her.”

“Yeah…” he paused for a moment. “You know what? Yeah, I think it’s time.”

“Good luck,” Cowell smiled pleasantly. “Try not to give her a heart attack.”

Glancing over to him, Tommy looked a little worried. “Please don’t tell me that’s one of your predictions.”

He laughed. “Not this time. Merely being facetious. Or am I?”

“Yes, you are,” Cindy said. Even though Cowell was still largely a mystery to her, she’d found that over the last few months her ability to read people had grown even stronger. “Come on, Tommy. We’ll see you guys later.”

The three of them waved as Cindy and Tommy made their way back over to Mike and their mother.

Carol Miller for a second only looked at the newcomer with mild interest. “Oh, Cindy, is this a friend of y…” but she broke off as she looked up at his face.

It felt like an eternity before Tommy could say anything, an eternity of their mother staring up at him, vague recognition and confusion dawning on her face before he was able to open his mouth. “Hi mom,” was all he could manage, in the end.

“T… To—” she sputtered, as if almost afraid to say it. “Tommy?”

He smiled sheepishly. “Yeah. I’m back.”

Tears began to well in her eyes as she tackled him in a bearhug. “You’re alive,” she sobbed. “I’m so sorry, Tommy, I’m so sorry I couldn’t protect you.”

“It’s alright,” he said. “I forgave you a long time ago.”

“I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

And finally, after so long apart, after runaways and psych wards and boarding schools, the Millers were at last all together again.

~~ o ~~

The four of them went out for dinner after that, Tommy filling their mother in on some of the details of where he’d been, and all of them enjoyed being together again. But once the food was cleared away and their mother had paid the bill—after refusing Tommy’s offer to do so instead—Cindy looked at her phone and saw the time.

“Oh, is it that late already?”

“Do you have plans tonight?” her mother asked.

And it was at that moment that Cindy realized something. She wasn’t a high schooler anymore. She no longer had to lie. “Yeah I uh….” She couldn’t help grinning a little. “I… have a date.”

Their mother gasped. “Really?” she asked. “Do I know him?”

“No,” Cindy said. “And I can’t introduce you quite yet,” far too soon still, there’d be a few more weeks of minor sneaking around yet. “But I hope to soon. Anyway,” she stood. “I’d better get going. I love you all, I’ll see you at home. I think I’ll be home tonight.”

Her mother looked worried, but she nodded. “Text me if you won’t be, alright?”

“Will do,” Cindy smiled.

This whole time, Mike had been glancing out of the window towards the slowly sinking sun. A small figure was standing besides a nearby chain-link fence, waiting for him.

“I… think I’m going to… go too,” he said absently.

“Mike, it’s getting late…” their mother frowned.

“I’ll only be a few minutes,” he explained. “And it’s not that far home, I’ll walk.”

“Okay…” Carol began to look a little sad as Mike got up and left too.

But Tommy was still there. “I’ll come home with you, mom,” he grinned, and stood, holding out his arm for her. She took it , and they left the restaurant together. “There’s still a lot of things we need to talk about…”

~~ o ~~

Mike waited for Tommy and their mother to leave the restaurant and be well out of sight before approaching the fence. The small girl with pigtails was there, waiting for him. They had never met, but he knew who she was.

“Alpha,” he said, to be polite, even though she no doubt already knew he was there.

“Beta,” she replied, without turning to him.

They stood there for a moment, staring off into the distance. “I’m sorry for what she did to Mike,” she said finally. “It’s been so long for me that I barely remember what it’s like to be human. But you…”

“I’ll live,” he shrugged. For the first time in the last three months, he could stop pretending to be human. It felt… good. He let his face drop into a neutral expression. Expressions were the hardest thing to fake.

“I’m going to leave now,” Buttercup finally turned to him. “I’ve atoned for what I’ve caused.”

“Of course,” Mike nodded. After all, if there was nothing holding you here, why stay? “Where will you go?” he asked.

She shook her head. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I believe that I’ll just start walking. But Beta,” she gazed up at him with her old eyes. “Don’t follow me. I have a wish for you.”

He tilted his head.

“I have a wish that someday, you can figure out who you actually are. I didn’t live long enough as a human to do such. But you… you have a chance.”

Mike… Nihil… Beta, whoever he was, he nodded. “I’ll try.”

“Thank you,” she said before she started walking. “I’m sure we’ll meet again some day.”

He blinked once. “I’m sure we will.”

~~ o ~~

Cindy sat on the balcony overlooking the back of Marcell’s house, her head on his shoulder. Her feet dangled through the posts of the railing, falling into nothing below the cliff’s edge. For the first time in a long time, it seemed at this moment that everything was alright.

Neither of them said anything, they didn’t need to. Cindy’s Mother had already been messaged and the night was young. For once, they were in no hurry to do anything.

“It’s almost over,” Cindy said.

“What is?” she felt the rumble of his voice in her bones.

“The secrecy. The sneaking around. We won’t need to hide anymore after this summer.”

“People will talk regardless of how long we wait,” he warned.

She shook her head as much as she was able. “But now there’s nothing they can do about it.”

Marcell chuckled. “Fair enough.”

As they sat there, listening to each other breathe, Cindy pondered something as she looked down at the only town she’d ever known. “I want to go somewhere this summer,” she said. “With you.”

“Where do you want to go?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I really just want to get in a car and drive.”

She could hear the slight smile in his voice. “Why not? It could be fun.”

They watched the moon slowly rising over Ede Valley, over the crater that used to be St. Adelaide’s. Cindy was excited, and nervous, and many other bundled-up emotions besides that she didn’t have names for. But she knew that whatever happened, it would certainly be an adventure.

[liliannacloud]

Boredom

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?- Provably more milk than cereal because I always have leftover milk

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?- No but i like the warm air from a heater on my cheeks on a wintery day.

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?- I use old clothing tags

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?- I don't. I dont like either.

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?- Absolutely

6: do you keep plants?- If i did they'd probably die

7: do you name your plants? No considering I dont have any

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? Crying

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? On occasion

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? Always side or stomach

11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? All black cats are baby henry

12: what's your favorite planet? Earth is pretty cool. Ive never been anywhere else

13: what's something that made you smile today? Cereal

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? It'd be in downtown denver with big windows and stainless steal appliences and decorated with a neutral color scheme

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! -99% of our solar system mass is the sun

16: what's your favorite pasta dish?- I love me some fettuccine Alfredo and also some spagoot

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? Probably light blue next but who knows because this red will be hard to get out.

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.- I was good at stealing eyeliner for a while

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?- no but i have a sketchbook

20: what's your favorite eye color?- green and i have green eyes so that's cool

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.- Favorite bag? My aunt and uncle got me this super cool leather purse with a skull thing on it that's super cool that I use a lot.

22: are you a morning person? Depends. If its a morning i have to get up then no but on my days off I'm up way too early.

23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?- YouTube and CrosS Stitch

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?I trust my boyfriend and best friends.

25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? - Ive never broken into anywhere?

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit?I just got some new boots that I wear with everything.

27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor?- spearmint

28: sunrise or sunset? Sunset

29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? Jada is such a mom and its cute as heck. And asha is an actual mom who is funny and expressive and amazing.

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? Oh yeah dude a few times. When my aunt and uncle fist fought in front of me and my cousin in a hotel and when my brother was home alone and thought someone was trying to break in. Or when my mom was out on a first date and had to be home before midnight becausw we were leaving early in the morning and she wasnt answering her phone and was still gone at 5 am and I thought she was murdered.

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. Socks dont matter to me as long as theyre comfy and I only wear them when I'm wearing shoes

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. - nothing crazy I'm never awake.

33: what's your fave pastry? Love me some cinnamon rolls.

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? -His name was trusty and he was a stuffed horse I had. One day I got a new stuffed caterpillar that i started to favor and once I realized that I beat it up and told it id never love it as much as Trusty

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? -I love me a nice fine tip pen for drawing and i love gel pens for writing or coloring.

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? -Bon Iver

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?- messy in a clothes sort of way but not a trash and food and stuff kind of way.

38: tell us about your pet peeves! - The sound of chewing makes me want to die and having to pick up after people makes me upset.

39: what color do you wear the most?- black

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you?- I have a necklace i got in elementary school that my grandpa made for me. He carved I himself and beaded the string. Ill never get rid of it.

41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving?- I need to read more.

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!- nope i don't like coffee

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?- My boyfriend.

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?- About a year ago when everything felt normal and sane.

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?- I think so

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.- no.

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?- too many foods. Mushrooms, cottage cheese, lettuce, green beans, gravy, mayo, etc

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?- Losing people i love, and yes.

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? I think the last CD I bought was my irontom CD

50: what's an odd thing you collect?- I dont collect anything lol.