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escapades-to-rivendell · 9 months

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hey siri how do I stop the constant feelings of isolation and loneliness from tearing my heart open every day?

#literally burst into tears in front of fiance about it earlier #like im so frustrated!!!!!!#bc its not for lack of trying!!!#i have a job i talk to my coworkers #i do my best to foster my existing friendships #AND YET #i feel so left out of everything all the time #idk man i couldnt get my point across to fiance its not going to come across in a tumblr post #but the best way i can put it is all of my friends are my best friend but none of my friends consider me their best friend #like i always feel like an outsider looking in on their lives #i dont feel like an active part of it #ive felt this way since elementary school like am i broken??#neither of my parents have/ever had friends either #help???#anyways.#back to being dramatic in my own head if you read all this im so sorry O7 #goblin rambles #personal

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tea-cat-arts · 4 months

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Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will

#svsss #scum villian self saving system #shen qingqiu #shen yuan #the fact that people think scum villain #-a series that examines and criticizes common tropes in fiction-#is somehow against criticism or being a little hater is wild to me #especially since shen qingqiu never gets punished for being a hater #heck- he's still a little hater by the end of the series #he mostly gets punished for treating life like a play and like he and the people around him are characters #(or in other words- he suffers for denying his own wants and emotions and his own sense of empathy)#I think some of y'all underestimate how much writing/art is inspired by creaters being little haters #like example off the top of my head-#the author of Iron Widow has been pretty vocal about the book being inspired by their hatred of Darling in the Franxx #I think my interpretation of Shen Yuan's transmigration is also supported by the fact that this series is an examines writing processes #side note- though i understand why people say Shen Yuan is lazy and think its a valid take it still doesnt sit right with me #i am probably biased because my own experiences with chronic pain and depression and isolation #but ya- i dont think Shen Yuan is lazy so much as he is deeply lonely and feels purposeless after denying parts of himself for 20ish years #like yall remember the online fandom boom from covid right?#being stuck completely alone in bed while feeling like shit for 20 days straight does shit to your brain #the fact that no one came to check on him + he wasn't exactly upset about leaving anyone behind supports the isolation interpretation too #+in the skinner demon arc he describes his life of being a faker/inability to stop being a faker now that he's Shen Qingqiu #as “so bland he's tempted to throw salt on himself” and “all he could do is lay around and wait for death” (<-paraphrasing)#bro wants to be doing stuff but is stuck in paralysis from repeatedly following scrips made by other people #another point on “Shen Yuan isn’t lazy” is just the sheer amount of studying that man does #also he did graduate college- how lazy can he really be #he doesnt know what hes doing but he at least tries to actively train his students #and he actually works on improving his own cultivation + spends quite a bit of time preping the mushroom body thing #+he's experiencing bouts of debilitating chronic pain throughout all this #but ya tldr: Shen Yuan's transmigration is an encouragement to write and not a punishment and also i dont think its fair to call him lazy

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cogdominium · 2 months

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saw a post in the corporate clash tag that caused me to black out and make this

#toontown #corporate clash #ttcc #misty monsoon #rainmaker #misty is not even remotely closed to being a character like vriska but the discourse surrounding her is exactly the same n its crazy #misty is a rly fun character that is done dirty by the uninteresting format of toontasks inherented from toontown online #she has so much potential tbh but we just don't have enough content of her in game to rly matter #as far it is rn she's just a very awkwardly placed plot point cuz you dont rly know how to actually feel about her #barnacle bessie tried to rip her to shreds and its you're almost made to feel bad for misty cuz of it #but like she's still actively involved in a mega corporation trying to take over and pollute bessie's home #how can u blame her for that reaction #basically all im sayin is that misty could be so good but rn she's confined to a singular kinda awkward fight at the end of BB kudos #so maybe in the future she'll be a rly good part of the plotline of clash who knows #idk why i felt the need to rant in the tags sorry my autism

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snekdood · 2 years

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There are genuinely people online that instead of actually bringing people to the left, at this point, would prefer that anyone who was previously not on the left but who tries to be *stays* outside of the left, because i guess its just easier to comprehend when the world is put into little shitty boxes you labeled for them instead of actually thinking for once and having the nuance to understand them. Like thats wild to me that theres people who would prefer you not be on the left or not try to be. Yall GENUINELY do not care about advocating for your side politically in any capacity. Its LITERALLY just a clique you've found yourself in. And theres nothing progressive about that or being exclusive, wtf do you think this shit is, a night club? Grow the fuck up, honestly.

#A whole lot easier to consistently point and laugh at the same person than to ever encourage them to change i guess #yall are weak #Yall wont get us anywhere and actively hurt progressive causes #And the worst part is most of the ppl like this are on tumblr and a lot of the people on tumblr absolutely suck as human beings #and never want to do anything about it either partially because they think theyre above any form of therapy 🙄#Idk. maybe its a comfort thing. Like things have to be exactly how they remembered them the day before or else they'll idk lose their mind #Like some of yall would prefer the world stays black and white and thats sad #Lets be honest. What it really is is you dont want to have to feel any potential guilt for treating someone as if theyre just #discardable trash when they werent.#Bc ur just oooohhh soooo perfeccctttt and it just fucks with your self perception when someone even inadvertently suggests #you did something wrong lmao.#yall wont survive in this world

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skunkes · 3 months

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Does Al ever struggle with his weight / has he ever?

do u mean like, Self Worth wise or actual physical fluctuation wise? if the latter I do like drawing him at firm strongman peak since he's a farmhand but sometimes he isn't actively maintaining muscle so he's saggier (<- most of recent art of him) ....

as for the former I've never wanted to stray in that direction for fat characters, and any issues he has wrt self image (slim as he know's he's endearing and handsome) are more about how his overall size (big and tall) might be perceived as dangerous or a threat due to some formative and isolating events in his childhood, and less about it being focused on weight specifically ykwim. because otherwise he has no issues there ^_^

#skunk mail #Anonymous #he's imaginary bf no. 1 + while i love imagining like. reassuring partner about their attractiveness #it rly does feel strange to write a fat character focused on that...i wldnt want to write a fat character where there's an Air of #being fat being a bad thing ykwim #so instead he worries about being seen as a brute vs a gentle giant #to the point where he has trouble sticking up for himself in certain situations bc he doesn't want to be seen as Big Scary Violent Man #this is due to a childhood teacher singling him out and making an example out of him for being the biggest (height and weight) kid in the #class... but yeah otherwise no he's healthy and knows he's handsome and charming for the most part so there's no #negative feelings attached to his weight in that specific regard...if dis makes sense #and if i interpreted the question correctly LOL #oc text #its less aw im fat and i dont wanna be fat i want to be thin! :( and more i dont ever want to hurt #anyone but I have been made to think my size + stature can be very threatening and scary!#*spongebob flying ice cream truck* it wld still be fine even if he WASNT healthy but al specifically IS active which is why i said that #even if he wasnt then any arc wld involve bettering his health bt retaining his fatness bc again i dont want Fat = Some Way Bad in General #here

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sonknuxadow · 27 days

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lately ive been trying to get into the mindset that its okay to not watch/play/read every new sonic thing the second it comes out and that i also dont have to speed through stuff as quickly as possible. but im still kinda mad that sonic x shadow generations is coming out at a very inconvenient time for me and i might have to wait a few days to play it

#the difference here is the stuff that made me want to change my mindset #is stuff that i wasnt particularly interested in but made myself play/watch anyway #while sonic x shadow generations is something im actively looking forward to and cant wait to play #unlike. sonic superstars for example. sorry people who really liked that game but i just wasnt super into it. and it costs too much #or maybe its not that i wasnt interested its that i wasnt having as much fun as i could have been because i was rushing it #but also a big part of the reason i feel the need to rush things is because i dont wanna get spoiled on the story .........#which is kinda hard to avoid if you Dont rush it sadly #anywya as for sxs gens . i probably could play it on release day if i like. pre ordered it at a gamestop near where im going #but . do i really wanna go through all that trouble when i could just have a friend pick it up for me at home or something

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todayisafridaynight · 17 days

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i’m pretty surprised that you can be in a fandom without really checking the tags regularly for new content or discussions that’s pretty impressive

ive got twitter for that and twitter has shown me enough as is

#snap chats #i dont even check twitter specifically for rgg its just that my algorithms been formed that way cause friends send me tweets #on the real though jvALEKJEKL ive always. how you say. played with dolls alone #so being alone online isnt hard or anything particularly 'impressive' to me its just how i roll #ive always lived in my head i guess- with my interests that is. its fun up there vlkeajkla #i still like to hear from other people of course but for the most part im happy with just myself im not all that pressed for others #i think its also just. i have. other interests? so i dont really think i want to look at One Particular Thing that day. at least for tumblr #i MIGHT just cause thats how the day goes but i dont think 'i feel like looking at rgg art today'#whatever i see I See and that'll be that yk i love a lot of things and think of a lot of things #evidently SOME things take a hold of me more than others- or ill wanna be more public bout it at least #but thats jsut cause i just feel SO MUCH for Whatever Thing It Is At The Time that i want to share it. so then i do jvlskjs #with that in mind can i really say im 'in' a fandom when i dont particularly interact with it LMAO #again always happy to do so but im like an estranged uncle if anything #come over once a year to drop gifts off then i leave. ill still respond to holiday cards though if theyre sent #also for discussions ill usually just talk to my brother about it since he'll usually be The Main Sponge for my rambling LOLOL #god's strongest soldier i promise i try to hold back but im afraid i feel my brain physically tickle my skull #my brother always has to watch in real time me be consumed by a piece of media. like its a symbiote its really funny #cause at this point we'll meet in the kitchen and ill start like 'you know whats really funny..'#and he'll just. 'ok so who's it about today' LIKE PLEAAAASSSEEE. anyways prepare for my ninth 90 minute lecture about This Character #i also have a friend that i talk about my interests with- not all the time but enough that im like. Yeah Im Good Talkin Bout This #like the dopamine in my brain is activated JUST enough when i get to have quick short convos bout it with her #honestly maybe i should use my blacklisted main and rb ALL of my sideblog posts there #just so the people following that can Also witness me be consumed in real time <- will not do this

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lord-squiggletits · 1 month

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The hard thing about writing therapy sessions into fics is that like. The story is predicated on drama, and even in therapy characters are still people that may or may not be able to communicate, and then there's the fact that even when you're successful in therapy you still have to deal with relationships and life outside of that where your coping is actually put to the test

Like it's weird because "characters dialoguing in therapy speak" is a current day hated trope, but in this case the characters going to therapy (sometimes even with each other) is LITERALLY part of the plot. But then you don't want the therapy to just instantly solve every interpersonal conflict so the characters still need to beef over something. Which, fine, lots of people go to therapy and don't cooperate during the session, are unwilling to apply the advice IRL, other things happen due to the flawed nature of existence, etc.

What I'm trying to say is that at least in stories/worlds with no therapy, ppl being severely malfunctional and getting in deep shit makes sense bc there's no education or support or help for them to make the optimal choices. But in stories with therapy, you want the therapy to be an in-universe part of the world that characters react to as real people react in therapy. But you don't want the therapy to turn into a meta device that you as an author use to magic away a character's emotional/interpersonal problems effortlessly with disregard to how long/difficult therapy is.

I feel like this might be a genre issue, idk? There's just so few stories that involve therapy (many of which are biographical in nature and not fiction/narrative focused), maybe due to how mental health is only a recently destigmatized/educated topic. So this feels like a writing problem exclusive to some sort of contemporary, "just like the real world" genre of writing that I'm unfamiliar with and maybe the answer is just "yeah you have to write it as a fictional story but also like it's real life." Idk.

#squiggposting #i didnt have this much trouble with PUE's therapy sessions #it's not a question of 'how to accurately write therapy' so much as it is just #how to make therapy NOT a deus ex machina/asspull type thing to sidestep actual character interaction #in PUE i feel like i did a good job of that despite the fact that optronix had a heavy therapy focus on him #but that was also bc optronix refused to cooperate in therapy so him finally choosing to participate #was caused by exterior plot and character interaction #for the pharma fic i'm writing pharma is constantly in therapy that he participates in #both for his own reasons as well as being forced to by release conditions #so like the therapy has an effect and shapes how he views things but the therapy doesnt fix him #idk i know firsthand that going to therapy doesnt fix you like that + implementing techniques #outside of therapy in the real world is really hard. so idk #probably im only worried about this bc the therapy is the main part i have outlined #once i have more plot then it should be a simple matter to incorporate the therapy sessions as like #things pharma does to deal w his problems but they both help and dont help #+ he has other things going on that actively impede him effectively implementing them #idk sorry for the dumb ramble

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cowboy-robooty · 2 months

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not going to name names bc thats messed up but omfg i was tryna find records of old heta fandom shit to show inu right and i found a hetalia iceberg and I SAW MY 2019 OPP ON THERE. IT WAS SO FUCKING FUNNY LIKE MY EYES BULGED OUT OF MY SKULL BECAUSE IM NOT EVEN JOKING I HATED THIS BITCH SO MUCH WHEN I WAS 14 AND NGL I STILL HATE HER. I DIDNT SAY NOTHING AND KEPT CURTIOUS AND NORMAL OBVIOUSLY BUT ON THE INSIDE I WANTED HER ASS DEAD EVERYDAY AND WELL... you all know im never in the loop with things and had no fucking clue that she was just the antichrist for an entire group of people lol. SHE WAS MY ANTICHRIST THO. I HATED HER AND SHE HATED ME OKAY AND IM LIKE RODF SEEING HOW SHES ON THE FUCKING HETALIA ICEBERG I WAS LIKE OMG.... I THOUGHT ONLY I FUCKING DESPISED HER

#i hated her to an unhealthy amount imma be so real #bc ive never done an internet sin of like shittalking outside of priv accs/dms #or interacting anonymously with people i hate etc etc #but there are things that are like corruptions for your own soul from how sour hatred can get #and she did that to me. and i only hated her enough to do that #i have only ever in my life actively hatestalked her blog when i was 14 bc she made me so fucking mad everyday #ive only ever in my life hatestalked her like shes the only reason i can comprehend why people are compelled to hatestalk #this was all back when i was like 14 tho lol and #ugh... im sorry. as you can tell the hatred i feel towards her is like soul corrupting level #i want to say im sure she has grown up to be a fine person and logically i know this is true #but also part of me is like there is no fucking way this bitch grew up to be a fine person like the lobotomy part of my brain is saying that #i will not tell you who she is btw so dont send me an ask begging for the user #and if for some reason you have a hunch who it is. you never know you could be wrong and even if youre not i dont condone harassment towards #her or like yknow just any association like leave her tf alone #i dont have fans who love me enough or are crazy parasocial to harass someone i personally hate/hated #but still just in case #shes not an actual bad person. i just hate her so much that it makes ME a bad person on the inside #its why im so glad that i turned 15 and went i need to stop looking at her forever or else i will reincarnate as a mosquito #ill only talk to u abt her if we are at least acquatiances with eachother #and i dont think anybody will be able to figure out who she is actually bc i never once was mean to her outside of telling my close friends #i wanted her dead. me when i dont act like a beast online despite the vietnamese devil inside me

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alsojnpie · 1 year

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#i dont know what happened to the first part (in which i said 'hey i pretty much deserve this right')#or the second part (where he said 'BUT LET'S NOT THINK ABOUT IT TOO MUCH' or something like that)#anyway this is the best part so. tadah. repostober #idk just. the topic of 'deserving' stuff. i think he would have a great perspective on that #as in he just would not care. an active choice. how can you truly believe you deserve anything good after descending so low #so. it must be...... interesting. to see someone like me struggle with those same feelings (i think i drew something before where he says #'I DON'T REMEMBER YOU DOING ANYTHING TERRIBLE?')

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marsbotz · 3 months

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btw this is what i mean by the weirdddd kinda sus dru scene. the brooding. plus a funny subtitle typo

#like okkk its cus he got 'lied to'... which i dont think he.. technically did?#like he never said he wasnt going to return it. or it was for his job #its still TECHNICALLY what dru asked for which was to do a joint heist #also yeah there was a stupid argument plot. EURRGHHHHH.#like dudeeee u cannotttt set me up w gru and dru connecting bc of both feeling like disappointments to their parents #and then have gru be like 'wellll no wonder dad didnt love u' DUDEEEEE.#esp when in the same movie they tell us gru was blamed for his fathers death????? for being such a failure?????#like it would notttt happen. im sorry #also the fckingggg falling out hing is so stupid. like dru is incompetent and goofy but like whyyyy disown him. he didnt DO anything #except be kinda useless. ANDTHEY MAKE UP IN THE NEXT SCENE #pleaseeeeee please tru villain plot dru return to me please #dude the way the gorls r written too. i feel naught but pain #how do u go from them being kinda scared but brave against vector. to actively fighting against el macho. TO LITERALLY NOTHINGGGG W BRATT #wahhhhh im scareedddd wahhhhhh !! aiiiieee!!! DUDEEEE U LITERALLY SAVEDDD THE WORLD LAST FILM. stopppp #also they reuse the same joke w agnes shattering glass w her scream from 2. TWICE #im such a hater sorry. this movie frustrates me beyond belief #there are like 4 scnes that i rlly like. and all of them r just the minions #i think lucy is the most in character but she has like zero funny scenes compared to the one billion from 2. and her plot w the gorls is ba #also this is just personal but the idea of dru like. coopting the minions makes me soooo sad. THOSE ARE HIS FUCKING FAMILYYYYYY U MONSTERRR #btw the credits sequence rlly is the best part of the film apart from the minion scenes. reminds me of the dynamic w vector and gru. funnn #i wish it could have been. In the movie #man god sorry to literally be such a hater but oh hhhh my god. the amount of cool stuff tehy cld have done vs the NOTHING they did is crazy

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hella1975 · 1 year

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your sokka is SO sokka and i say this as someone who holds him so dear ur writing of him is amazing. tbh im sooo fussy with his portrayal but its pretty nailed. like so many fics (esp zukka and zuko centric and ESPECIALLY ones where hakoda like adopts zuko) he's constantly pushed to the side in favour of zukos issues and zukos problems when in reality sokka is very hurt himself and has suffered a lot. man i GET taob sokka i really do bc people seem to think he was a lil mean but nobody seems to realise when you're in sokkas position it would've read like everyone was against you. all the swt men, including his dad who snapped at him, and even katara and aang and suki tell him to give zuko a chance and the fact that they were trusting someone who had hurt all of them so much- because yes WE know zuko wouldn't have killed them, but the gaang didn't. not when they were being chased and terrorised, and when sokka had his trust betrayed in the prison, he had absolutely every right to hate zuko, esp when it felt like everyone who he thought would understand his feelings, including his own dad who had been hiding his relationship with zuko from him, seems against him. his conversation with hakoda was probably my favourite scene in taob just bc he was allowed to feel like that without being treated by the narrative as someone just being mean to poor little zuko. he gets to be a sourpuss and angry and jealous at zuko for feeling like hed been replaced by his own dad. all of the water tribe men get this treatment like they're not written as bad people for being wary or disliking zuko initially (even chena despite being enemy no.1 at the start). his convo with hakoda was so important bc it stressed the detail that yes zuko has suffered and deserves to be cared for but SOKKA is his son, his actual child who is so hard on himself for things out of his control and who has hurt so much and deserves just as much as zuko does. sokka is just a baby my boy. he's not the main character but he's just as complex and intricate as zuko, not just in taob but also for the times we have seen him in tams there's been keen detail to his emotion and how he's feeling pointed out

me rn