#ive loved it since i was a child actually and its so fucking insulting

[radiotorn]

having to restrain from saying anything when my dad dares to say that men get paid LESS than women. in what world. are you out of your fucking mind old man.

[latibulater]

Venture Bros Rewatch notes: Home Insecurity

Fucking hilarious that Underland is designed like a disney princess villain lair but actually with all the executions.

tiger balm....tiger....bomb.....makes me laugh EVERY time honestly all i can think of when i hear tiger balm

Knowing that there are many kids with amputations in Underland from the child mines, like that is crazy the child amputee rate must be one of the highest in the world. i get that its played for jokes and it was funny, but if we are gonna be serious about all of it this counts and is like. mind boggling

whoo! use of the r slur! the way ive had to fucking campaign in my family to get them to stop using it and then i turn on this show and theyre saying it like every other episode makes me want to hunt down hammer and publick

okay but thats a waste of tiger.....

ik we dont learn this till later but i have questions about underland apparently being located right next to michigan.....PLEASSSSE LET ME SEE THE WORLD MAP IK ITS SO FUCKED UP

Brock's blue shirt is so beautiful on him...wish I could unbutton it off him. Dean and his hover boots, honestly those boots should make a come back

Stupid ass racist costume!

I literally choked on my spit and coughed at the same time Doc coughed at Brock's fumes

Okay I think Rusty is just doing a bit with the whole "big man think you can take me on? i knew this day would come" like seriously, the twins are so fucking silly but rusty is so beyond sarcastic he really is just projecting his own issues onto his kids all the time.

HELPER!!!!!!!!! Him going to take care of Rusty and so comically seeing NEW ROBOT blueprints and packing up a knapsack including a pic of child Rusty and Helper, oh my god it is just the sweetest robot and makes me wonder if there is a similar situation like with the red Helper happening with the whole....human brain.

the henchmen fighting and getting distracted till doc wakes up an slides into the panic room LOL

also i do love the underland footmen look as someone who loved tmnt it looks very foot clan

hank and dean may be a little over the top but they did take care of the scorpion and tarantula pretty handily.

Dean and Hank in the panic room and not even knowing when it was built....like seriously how many memories are they missing, consider they repeated being 15/16 over 10 times

Hank choking out Rusty is SO FUNNY Hank is just trying to help!!!!!!! just send them both to a first aid class you will be better for it doc

Rusty lactating!!!!! Milky king!!!!!

The animation and storyboard in this episode flips between dynamic and very getty stock images which is pretty funny

Dr. Girlfriend getting insulted and telling the monarch to use the phone himself...him trying to get an outside line....god i feel so old.

bigfoot baby!

"GUARDO" you fucking idiot Rusty. "I fell asleep" Okay but have we considered the fact  that you just don't have a head for mechanics and need to switch science majors

THE SNACKS FOR COMPANY. And Monarch apparently seeing the Baron for the first time since college and them trying to kill each other at first in a big dick measuring contest.

"how do you even mix it up! augh its like having my dad do the shopping!" ok i need more orphan jokes from the monarch stat seasons 1 he kills with this

its funny to see bigfoot and brock and steve summers meeting is so funny...considering that they all fuck when brock stays with them after he leaves the osi

"do you know how long 6 million bucks takes to pay back on a government salary!" fucking screammmmmmmmmmm

"lab partnership is a sacred trust" SSTILLLLLLLL want to know about how this happened

The Monarch fucking around struggling with his old ass computer makes me SOOOO nostalgic i remember we had a similar computer in the kitchen growing up.

Dean reading Helper perfectly and Doc going through a slumdog millionaire flashback before emotionally manipulating his mommy robot

One henchman became a hench after the plant closed and he only had a GED. one had a crack addiction and got off it. one (gary) got kidnapped) underland minions are drafted and then executed at 38.

"SASBURGER"!!! GOD "Sasquatch gave me a new life" Brock trying not be grossed out but like trying not to let it show (but only because he thinks Sasquatch is a woman at that point and he's bigoted but pro-str8 people always.

"Go team Helper!"

Jesus I really SSOOOOOOOOOOO would fucking fucking fucking kill for an expose episode on how henching works in the world as a job

all the army men are idiots very appropriate. brock getting SOOO weirded out. It is homophobic but also I choose to believe Brock has never seen a cock bigger than his own and got so horny and emasculated he got wigged out.

First mention of the Guild in this episode about filing paperwork on collaboration which i think is funny

Helper not letting Rusty out is SO funny me and my siblings would do that all the time. Truly, there is a lot to be said about Rusty and Helper's relationship. No other relationship has been as long for Rusty as Helper, who has been there sinvce he was a young boy and has always looked out for him.

Overall this episode is really fun and enjoyable, it does very well with having very silly concepts being treated seriously and then serious situations being treated clownishly. always love steve and sasquatch, altho the vbros design is so............he has a face only steve summers loves apparently. and the conversation on paying back the osi for the bionics was good worldbuilding/commentary on real world disability issues of how disability devices are often very expensive and only work at the behest of whoever made the device. my own cousin had a cochlear implant that worked very well but then he was told it was being recalled and he could get new one and now its works awfully for him

would rate this one like a 7/10. very solid but nothing too rib crackling funny or show pausing overly interesting

[insufferableprotagonistpoll]

Round 2

Propaganda why Dean Winchester is insufferable:

Really mean to Cas (called him a child, zero respect for him, calls him family and casts him out when the angels are looking for him), and an absolute dick to Jack (threatening to kill him CONSTANTLY)

>Was a misogynist (loved to call women skanks, bitches, hoes)

>Used gay as an insult multiple time during the show's run (idc if he's gay an homophobic, that's still insulting)

>Beat up his brother for being possessed

>Beat up his brother for losing his soul (not his brother's fault)

>Used dubious consent to get his brother possessed in a different unrelated possession incident after possession was being used (badly...this is supernatural after all) as a metaphor for SA

>Threatened to murder his brother when he was hallucinating (yay we aren't ableist)

>Locked a child up in a box

>Threatened to kill the child he locked up in a box

>Made a creepy, sexual comment about a barely-legal high school girl

>Got the woman and kid he was living with memory-wiped

misogynistic scumbag. theres also a few different times that dean finds teenagers sexy with the most recent and prominent example that i can recall being the scooby doo crossover episode in season 13 where hes super into daphne who in the version they chose for the episode is 15-16 and is interacting with her as if shes a real person cause they got magicked into the episode. he treats everyone around him like shit and the only time the narrative agrees that thats a bad thing is when he has the mark of cain put on him and hes acting no differently than he does usually its just now acknowledged that hes treating others like shit. ive been rewatching the show for shits and giggles with a friend and wow he really does not treat anyone well but i wanna focus on how he treats sam for a second cause dude's hobby seems to be ignoring what his brother wants and lying to sam about doing stuff that directly concerns him the demon blood and souless things are reasonable cause those were both Bad for sam but theyre still part of a wider pattern and the most prominent example of this being when dean tricks sam into letting gadreel possess him and actually gaslights sam about it with the whole ordeal ending when its revealed gadreel lied about who he was and while possessing sam murders a friend of theirs. his voice is just also stupid as fuck im sorry this is just petty but he just sounds like hes trying so hard to be gruff n intimidating but he just sounds like a kid pretending to be batman

Dean’s list of sins is crazy long because of how long the show ran, but the key thing for me is that post-locking Sam in the bunker (season 4 I think?), I just can’t enjoy their relationship anymore. I normally love their sibling dynamic, but Dean’s ultimate worst past-the-point-of-no-return moment for me was demonizing (pun intended) his little brother for being “addicted” to demon blood, which only happened because of a series of events that were either Dean’s or someone else’s fault, not Sam’s. I also really dislike how the fandom treats Dean like this angel (pun intended) who has done no wrong and even tries to justify the MULTIPLE times he’s beaten up and otherwise abused his little brother. Canon Dean is like the polar opposite of fanon Dean: he’s homophobic and racist (jokes about a Black man being sexually assaulted in prison), misogynistic (take a shot every time he calls a woman a slur and you’ll die of alcohol poisoning), and abusive.

Propaganda why Erika Shinohara is insufferable:

Doormat of a character

Impulsive liar, would rather take candid picture of a boy she didn't know than to admit friends that she's single, Naive to the point of being stupid, worst masochist rep since the 50 Shades of Grey protag

[sickknotdoom]

i love sparklecare ( i really do ) but i don't understand the cometcare au at all and i don't get its hype. the designs look SO rushed ( like it was put together in a 10 minute art challenge ) and is it just me or. is the art style progressively getting worse ( for both sparklecare and cometcare ). i hate how random cometcare is too, i tried reading it and my brain got so fried. i had no idea what was happening. i loved cometcare at first, it was cool when it was JUST pollarrydoomi then they threw in these random ass characters and went "oh yeah. ur dating and have a child." ???? especially with hemera, the only (?) aroace character, why is she with caroline and why does she have a kid. adding hemera and miley into the mix was SUCH a bad idea. also. caroline x doom???? carruni s/x canon ( even though uni is aegosexual/asexual ... ) cometcare had so much potential and it all went down the drain by adding 10 thousand nearsiblings

FORGIVE ME FOR HOW LONG THIS RESPONSE IS

ive been saying exactly this ever since i found out about the cometcare au. literally everybody has a million children with everyone else and im like. why.

this may be a controversial opinion but i am not a fan of carroom (caroline x doom) in the slightest, since caroline is literally shown to hate doom in the main comic. literally all of their interactions involve caroline insulting doom, not to mention the earlier half of volume three.

i know enemies to lovers is a thing but if somebody chucked a full bucket of puke on my head, and then gave my sister this Judgemental Ass Look for offering to clean it up, i would honestly Kill Them. regardless of if they secretly had a crush on me or i secretly had a crush on them or whatever. you cannot convince me these two dont fucking hate eachother.

also i mean this in the most respectful way possible but i feel like theyre sorta erasing carolines sexuality with this? i may be attracted exclusively to men, but allow me to speak for a bit.

i am not at all trying to invalidate dooms agender identity, but. speaking as someone whos agender myself. i look exactly like a cis man. i am assigned male at birth, my testosterone is absolutely thriving since im going through puberty, i look like a man and i have zero intent to ever change that. if someone was NOT attracted to men, they would NOT be attracted to me, regardless of me actually being agender. especially not if i Tortured And Murdered Their Friends.

this isnt invalidating dooms gender identity nor is it invalidating mine, im definitely into something here. as someone whos gay (nblm) i wouldnt instantly develop a crush on lizzo if she came out as agender, especially not after the fucked up shit she did. now apply this to carroom, and miloom (miley x doom). but mainly carroom.

i understand carruni since unis a closeted trans woman, but thats different from carroom in a lot of ways. it would make sense for uni to not alter her gender expression as long as shes in the closet, since she isnt ready to explain to anyone else what she really is to anybody else. caroline and uni have an extremely deep bond too, so ofcourse shed come out to caroline first, and ofcourse theyd develop crushes on eachother. in the future (going off of au's and such), when uni is out of the closet, she is shown to present as her authentic self, and she. does a really good job at it. shes fucking gorgeous in cometcare. so it makes sense for caroline to be attracted to her.

and also uni isnt a serial killer. caroline seems to really dislike serial killers to the point where shed throw full buckets of vomit on them, which is. reasonable.

however again, unis aegosexual (if i recall correctly, uni and hemera are the only characters confirmed to be on the asexual spectrum as of volume four, not including characters that havent appeared yet) so it feels wrong to explicitly sexualize her regardless, especially if the clowns are "uncomfortable" with fans doing the same.

while were on this topic, agreed. hemera (the only aroace character in the entire sparklecare universe so far, including au's last time i checked) has like four other partners in cometcare. i dont think thats a very good idea considering they made it a point to explicitly point out her being aromantic in volume two.

and yeah, the artstyle has been very clearly degrading, i have another post about that.

how the fuck do i end this

[omegawolverine]

I love it when people talk about things they're passionate about, tell me something cool!! Anything you want, just something you find interesting or want to talk about :D

hello anon my beloved, I am in a bad mood so you will be receiving a passionate, yet lowkey of pissy rant about why villainizing bakugou makes me wanna vomit and its NOT just because I'm a dumbass kinnie :)

tws: child abuse (emotional and physical), near death expierences, bullying, kidnapping, suffocation, lots of trauma in general tbh. if you've seen bnha then basically just keep all the general triggering plot stuff in mind incase i missed any warnings

also, note: I havent caught up on bnha in a minute, I'm at like the start of the war arc but I barely remember shit there tbh so like. probs missing new stuff. also bnha spoiler warnings lol

so, for starters, the homie bakugou has like,, a good handful of issues that come from his childhood that explain why he's an ass. he was always praised and never actually reprimanded for being a twat which led to him having a huge ego that ended up fucking him over majorly. this ego was something that his mother acknowledged him having, but literally didnt try to fix it with anything other than violence. see here:

like, instead of trying to help him, she hits and insults him, which is probably what led to his weird inferiority/superiority complex. being constantly told by others that you're outstanding and one day you'll be a top hero because you're rude and aggressive and then going home and being hit by your mother for those exact same behaviors is bound to fucking confuse a child.

so like, now that we've established that its definetly canon that his mother (parents? I think he said parents at some point but masaru doesn't seem like the type so 🤷) hits him though we don't know how much or how often (though if bakugou was as much of a little shit back then ((which as far as we've seen- he was)) then it was probably often), lets talk about how regardless of all that 1) hitting your kids as "discipline" not only doesn't work but is abusive lol like idc if it's spanking/popping them on the mouth for talking shit, slapping them across the face "on occasion", etc. shits not okay 2) hitting your kids!!!! does not work!!!!!!!! it is literally PROVEN not to work!!!!!!!! hitting a child who has done something wrong doesnt teach them to stop doing something it teaches them to be scared of you, which will cause the child to withdraw, removing part of their support system (assuming said abusive parents would even offer that up) and will most likely lead to them thinking they're a bad person, not that their actions were bad, which are two different things. so, ya know, that would clearly have an effect on a kid. like, as someone with a mother who reminds me all too much of mitsuki: I have acted like a complete shitbag and taken my anger out on people to feel better in the past because of the way my mother treated me. though it was nowhere near what bakugou did, I still know first fucking hand what a mother hitting and insulting her child will do, especially if they have no proper outlet for that (friends, a safe place to vent) which bakugou never fucking had.

theres also the fact that just talking to your kid the way mitsuki does (saying it's his fault he was kidnapped because he's weak, all while hitting him) is not??? okay?????? ive seen people arguing that this was just a joke in poor taste but like her son was KIDNAPPED and even if it was a "joke" there's literally NO WAY that would EVER?? BE FUNNY??????? she just sounds like the kind of parent who at the very least says shit without thinking that would traumatize bakugou (because being told right after being kidnapped it's your fucking fault by your mother is absolutely traumatizing) but it comes across as her being emotionally abusive.

mitsukis character as a whole comes across as a shitty mom who doesn't realize she's a shitty mom and thinks bakugou being an ass isn't at least partially her fault even though she's admitted to realizing he has always had an ego problem and doing nothing to fix it except for hitting and yelling which obviously did nothing but make him just as loud and violent as she is.

this is obviously not the entire reason why he's a dick but he was never properly taught that the shit he was doing wasn't okay and people not stopping it and/or praising him endlessly even tho he was a bully is basically the same as encouraging it, thank you very much.

moving on from that, let's talk about bakugous other traumas and how he naturally responds to them. hint: it's with either full blown panic or a fight response (verbal or physical, though usually physical. also sometimes it's the panic followed by the fight response.)

so far in bnha (keep in mind that I am not caught up, I've only read up to the beginning of the war arc and i barely remember those bits so) bakugou has...

nearly died via sludge villain (he was unable to move and was being suffocated to death- keep this in mind)

lost for the first time ever and against deku of all people (this nearly sent him into a full blown panic attack, likely because of that sexy little inferiority/superiority complex combo. think of this as like. gifted kid burnout lite. he has always been the best of the best and now suddenly he is being beaten by somebody who has always been weaker than him, which immediately makes him start thinking he was never actually that good, he's actually a fucking failure, a goddamn fraud)

won the sports festival by default (bakugou counts this as yet another failure because todoroki didnt try his best. had bakugou lost to todoroki full strength, he would've taken 2nd place with a bit of bitching, but he still wouldve taken it rather than refuse the medal as it would be a reminder that he failed. instead of accepting that like UA shouldve, the staff chained and muzzled him on live television and then had all might, his fucking idol, force the medal into his mouth. remember the sludge villain incident and how he couldnt move and was suffocating to death? yeah.)

been kidnapped because of the way he reacted to winning during the sports festival (he was aggressive and tried to refuse the medal because he felt he didnt deserve it and was then retraumatized by being chained up and muzzled. his "villainous attitude" was a fucking trauma response, do not tell me otherwise)

was then chained up once again by the LOV after being kidnapped,,, do we see the "retraumatize bkg" theme yet?

"ended all might" (he literally blames himself for all mights retirement because had he just not have been weak, all might wouldve had more time, right?)

my point with all of these is that bakugou has been severely traumatized and has then had his trauma responses (aggression, fight) used to further demonize him. not all people with trauma react the fucking same and the way the fandom just refuses to acknowledge anger as a valid form of trauma response is gross as hell.

moving away from that topic, bakugou has literally never had any actual friends, they all just used him and didn't care about him which absolutely will fuck up a kid, especially one who already has all that other shit going on. bakugou deadass never had a support system or people to help him grow as a person, let alone properly work through his fucking emotions so it's not surprising that he would take out his bullshit on the one person who tried to help him especially considering he saw dekus actions as him thinking he was weak. bakugou was raised to not seek help, he thought somebody strong shouldnt ever need it, so for somebody like deku (who bakugou percieved as weak and helpless already) to offer up help? deku must obviously think bakugou is even weaker than him, what other explanation could their possibly be!

speaking of which, there's his heaps of insecurities that he basically hid by being a twat and bullying others for most of his life. kid was so insecure he bullied deku for fucking years cause he thought deku looked down on him, thought he was better than him, etc. and that only got worse bc his idol then decided to take deku in, train him and even give him his quirk. there's probably some shit im missing but still he's got issues and always has had issues. that being said, he's actually improving and working them out now which is what makes him a really good, interesting character. it's also nice to see a character who is a dick without some tragic backstory (like his backstory is sad but its not the classic "my family was fucking slaughtered and i turned into a raging bitch who murders people" type shit) bc that rarely happens and it's like most assholes don't actually have a story like that they're just assholes lol

now lets talk improvement! lil bitch has been getting better since he got into UA and im so happy abt it!! he had a rough start what with deku suddenly having a quirk and all but like he is really improving now and it highkey shows that bakugou just mostly needed people who 1) didn't constantly praise him and actually criticized him instead 2) actually fucking punished him doing stupid shit and 3) some motherfucking friends

Since going to UA he's gotten actually feedback from teachers about his weaknesses and how to get stronger, he's lost against others, hes been told he has a shit attitude and is a dick, told he should be nicer and leave deku alone, etc etc. He hasn't gotten in trouble too much with teachers but others give him shit for what he does and aizawa has punished him too, while still acknowledging that bakugou is an amazing and dedicated student, something which no one else had done up til that point. and uh???? homie actually has friends who like,,, don't use him and also call him out when he's a dick. like specifically kirishima has done this shit and him and bakugous relationship is clearly very healthy and beneficial for the both of them. makes me feel all happy n shit, ya know

bottom line is: while it is absolutely valid to dislike or even hate bakugou because he is a massively flawed person who has been very cruel to others, villainizing him for the way he acts which in large part seems to be from a lack of guidance, a shitty mother and heavy amounts of trauma, is fucking awful. his actions cannot be fucking excused, he needs to apologize and continue to grow, but he is also a fucking teenager, who is just now being told that the way he acts is unacceptable by people who dont fucking abuse him (and I swear to god if any people who think mitsuki isnt abusive interact with this fucking post I will fullstop hardblock you, I do not fucking care) and actually treat him like a normal person instead of some prodigy child or someone who needs to be fixed.

people are free to debate my points or whatever bc I know some of this stuff is up to interpretation but like. dni if you're just here to say you hate bakugou for xyz reason or that he's irredeemable. also especially dni if you compare him to fucking endeavor yall bitches make me gag.

anyways thxs for the ask anon <33 sorry this is a kinda messy info dump lol

[quirklessidiot]

Title: coward :: pretty girl Pairing: Y/N x Miya Atsumu Genre: angst, romance, and very slow burn [ex to lovers au] Warnings: Cursing, alchohol, mentions of unprotected sex, unplanned pregnancy, and mentions of abortion

Synopsis: : In which you finally meet the perfect girlfriend of Miya Atsumu and he starts to slowly accept the fact that whatever happened between you two is long gone (or is it?)

authors note: 

here to give my thanks again, literally feels so surreal with how much love this story is getting despite the angst sjjsdjsjd i-

also ive released the prologue for my first ever smau! its a more lighthearted one compared to this one between sakusa and an older gn!reader, if you’re into that check it out here uwu

previous  next   masterlist  

You’ve never actually seen Miya Atsumu and his girlfriend.

This was your first time today during Sugawara’s house party, Daiki had forced you to go and insisted that the three of them needed to have their manly bonding time (it actually only consisted of stuffing themselves with junk food and watching shounen animes), “...Also don’t you want to bond out with your ex-boyfriend that you chose over me? I’m hurt, I didn't know you like fake blonde volleyball players.” he fake-sniffled, in which you replied with an arched brow.

You didn’t know how he ended up knowing about Atsumu, you were expecting a talk from him but he simply shrugs it off and says, “No matter how much I tell you that you should tell him, you won’t listen. So I won’t bother wasting my breath, just know that you’re being selfish by denying these boys the right to have a father and you're denying that blonde shrimp to be a dad too.” 

“Y/N-san, I’m surprised you came!” Sugawara grins.

“Daiki took charge of the kids.” You replied, fiddling with the keys in your hand.

“He looks very reliable.” the teacher exclaims, handing you a drink in which you completely deny because you weren’t very good with alcohol, “You guys would make a great couple!”

“Oh,” You voiced, you were very familiar with those words, many people had always thought you and Daiki would make a good pair. It was definitely a shock to many when they found out you were pregnant and that the basketball player was not the father despite being there most of the times, “I’ve never seen him that way.”

“He did mention that, he even openly confessed to Miya-san that he’s jealous of how he was your first boyfriend.”

You choked on your saliva, that fucking sly bastard-

“Anyways, make yourself comfortable! I have to go say hi to my old friends from college!” he exclaims, patting your shoulder. You immediately turn around to find Miya Atsumu cozying up with a beautiful girl in his arms.

Ah, that must’ve been the beautiful model with legs for days.

“You’re kind of staring.” comes a very familiar voice.

You want to roll your eyes but you decided against it, “I didn’t know you and Sugawara-san were close, Inunaki-san.” you greeted your annoying senior.

“Suga-san’s a friend to the whole team…” he grins, “Also, I’m just here to warn you that Osamu might be here later, he’s not as nice as Atsumu towards you.”

“You don’t have to remind me.” 

“Come to think of it,” Shion Inunaki paused, tapping his chin in deep thought, “Atsumu still follows you around like a lost puppy. He’s been spending his off days with you instead of his girlfriend. I’m actually surprised he even brought her here today.”

“What are you implying?” You reply, feigning ignorance.

“Ah, L/N-san. I love how you still don’t care about my kohai’s feelings up till now.” He grinned, sarcasm oozing out of his sentence.

“Don’t be silly.” You glazed,“What feelings would there be but hatred?”

“It’s anything but that, L/N-san.” he turns to you, hand on his hip, “Even I don’t get why he’s so into you after all this time and the shit you put him through. He’s got someone better in front of him. Physical looks and emotionally speaking, Ri-chan’s a whole lot better than you… No offense…”

You knew he was rubbing salt to the injury but you couldn’t really bring yourself to argue with him, after all, he was right at the most part (you technically considered yourself as the big bad villainous ex in Atsumu’s life) 

“You sound like those girls who used to threaten me back then when I was dating Miya-san.” You replied coolly, Inunaki even notices the amusement dripping in your tone, it's as if he hadn’t insulted you right at the face and called you a lesser being, “It’s almost pathetic.”

You ended up on the balcony right after, so much for trying to socialize, who were you kidding? It’s good you manage to escape the scene before Osamu could see you there, you couldn’t handle Inunaki and the grey-haired twin together. Thank god that Aran wasn’t around the area.

“Figured you’d be here.”

You turn to find the one and only source of all your problems these days, Miya Atsumu, you narrow your eyes in annoyance, “You should leave, people will get the wrong idea.” You simply replied, “I’m not in the mood to be in the middle of that.”

“I just came here because I wanted to apologize about that night with your brat.” the blonde casually leans against the doorway, “It was my fault for riling him up.”

“Yuuto has a temper, he’s more of his otosan than me.” 

“What was he like?”

“Who?”

“The bastard that you miss, those brats father…”

You tilt your head and press your lips together, surprised by his choice of words, “Special.” you openly-confessed as you gaze at the very man in front of you. Oh, the irony of it all. 

How you wish it was that easy to let go of all your fears and anxiety, if you had told him six years ago about your pregnancy, would your life probably be different? What if you told him now? How would he feel?

“He’s lucky,” he admits, gaze fixed on you, “I mean - other than the part that he died  - he was a lucky guy, Y/N.”

It dawned upon you that moment that this had been the first conversation you had with your ex that held no hatred, malice, or anger. He seemed to be slowly accepting the fact that you wanted to do nothing with him. Like you, he had no choice but to move on.

“ ‘Tsumu! What the fuck you moping around alone for up there? You got a girlfriend here!” Osamu calls down from below. You both snap back to reality at his brother's voice, “Guess that’s my cue to leave, I’ll see you around, Y/N.” he uttered softly and as he turned away, you suddenly spoke out.

“I’m sorry.” He freezes in place, somehow this apology seemed different than the rest, “I know I’ve said that a lot these past few weeks and that night but I want you to know that every apology was genuine. I just, I’m not very-”

“I know.” He suddenly turns to you, the very familiar and warm grin that you're accustomed to decorates his features and you feel like its that night in fall and you're back in college again, “I guess I was so wrapped up in wanting to get an emotion out of you that I hadn’t  realized, it’s not you if you did that. You always had trouble expressing yourself naturally to people after all.”

You feel your insides clamp and your lips tremble lightly, you feel the air turn heavy around you. How is that he was always the one pulling the strings and doing all the work between you two? How could he forgive you this easily?

“Don’t be silly.What feelings would there be but hatred?”

“It’s anything but that, L/N-san.” 

“I’m proud that you’re trying hard for your kids though,” He chuckles, “Those brats are lucky they get to see all sides of you everyday.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Goodnight.” you muttered, watching his figure walk away and vanish in the dark, leaving you all alone in the night of spring.

“...I now pronounce you husband and wife…”

You stare at your father and his new wife looking at each other with complete love and adoration, something you never saw when you were growing up. It sickened you to the point that you turn slightly pale and feel the bile on your throat rise. You watch them exit the church as sakura petals fall, the idea of a picture perfect wedding and happily ever after like the fairytale books you used to scorn when you were a child.

You loathed it.

He even had the audacity to invite you and your mother. She ended up not going and was probably drowning herself in cheap saki at home.

You sat at the back during the reception, along with the people who were not exactly ‘close’ to the bride-groom. You feel like an utter fool, why were you even here? You should’ve gone home or attended that stupid party and get stupid drunk with people you barely knew like your mother.

Yeah, that’s right.

You’d rather be there than here.

“Ah,” you hear a glass clink, you saw one of your dad’s friends stand up, ready to make a speech, “First off, I’d like to congratulate my friend. Finally!” laughter resonates throughout the room but you don’t follow suit, instead, you hold onto the wine glass tightly as if you don’t like where this was going, “I know how unhappy you were back then but ever since you met Yui-chan, your life seemed to have become better. I could never be more proud!”

You could feel yourself getting sicker by the moment, especially after you heard the words you dreaded to hear the most, “Let’s not make anymore mistakes shall we?” he jokes.

All you could see was red right after, grabbing your clutch on the table as you made a haste exit. Was this the reason he invited you? To shove it on your face that you were a mistake made?

That you shouldn't have been born?

You ended up breaking a heel and tripping on your own feet soon after, shakily, you adjust your posture and sat at the concrete for a few moments, trying to gather yourself but desperately failing, "I didn't… I didn't ask to be born too, you know?" You murmured to yourself bitterly.

You let it all out, it shouldn't have hurt to be called a mistake. You were an adult already for crying out loud! Yet when they toss that word around like it was nothing especially at that wedding, you feel like you're eight years old again and you're hearing your own mother curse at you for being born into this world, the harsh words she said were as clear as the day, "if you probably hadn't been born, we would've been happier. We'd have better lives, Y/N. So don't go around and cry and think you got it bad, you hear me? Your sadness is nothing compared to ours. It's nothing, Y/N. So stop being ungrateful."

You ended up at the frat house that night, people would occasionally glance at your disheveled state but you just downed the alcohol, ignoring their stares as usual  and when you get a text from your mother asking why you left the wedding so early in such a manner, you feel the pent-up emotions bubbling within you again. 

Blocking her number and taking one last swig of the cheap vodka in your hands, you head up to one of the rooms upstairs. You hold it all in well, you don't want to showcase such things to strangers.You feel the alcohol and emotion about to hit you when you open a door that you thought would be your safe space for the next ten minutes but you're immediately greeted by two people on the bed, ready to hit it off and have a good time.

"O-Oh sorry… I-Wrong room...” you stammered, lips quivering and small tears escaping since you couldn't hold it in anymore.You immediately bolted out the door, So much for sobering up and crying by yourself for ten minutes, you might as well call Daiki, maybe he was available-

“Hey! Y/N!” a very familiar and a very unexpected voice calls out your name on the quiet street.

You hesitantly turn only to find your project partner and classmate standing there, a bit out of breath as if he had just squeezed through the very crowded party in a hurry, you're confused by his actions. You weren’t exactly close? What was he doing?

“Hey.” he softly says, taking out a handkerchief from his pocket to hand it to you. You hesitantly look at it and take it from his grasp as you try to get rid of the runny mascara. You're taken aback by his kind actions so far, although he had always been nice and tried to make conversations with you, you weren’t exactly very participative and it had always been one-sided on his part. 

When he suddenly stopped talking to you recently, you didn’t bother to initiate anymore because you didn’t want to get more involved with people like him.  It’s not like he was a bad person, per say, he just had such a loud presence that made everyone stop and stare. You weren’t exactly a big fan of those kinds of people (save for daiki since you grew up with him)

“Come on, Y/N.” the blonde sighs, taking off his jacket to place it on you, “Let's take you home.”

"You don't have to."

"You look like shit, Y/N. I’m not takin' no for an answer" Atsumu points out forwardly, "Actually, before we head home lets disinfect that wound, yeah?"

"Miya-san, I-" you tried to tell him you were fine but he didn’t seem to be having it.

"Atsumu." He corrects, despite his forwardness and brash attitude, you know he means well, "You let me call you by your first name so please don't call me Miya-san, sounds fuckin weird coming from ya."

You're thankful that he doesn't pry or ask questions about why you looked like this. He just mumbles throughout your whole journey that you shouldn't wear heels when you can't even walk on them.You also start to notice the slight accent from his tone when he got annoyed by your insistence that you were alright, you had always thought that he was a city boy with the way he carried himself.

When you arrive at the drugstore, he pays for the necessities himself despite you protesting again and even buys you a sugar-free treat on top of that, "You said you were diabetic one time." He shrugs off as he lets you sit on the concrete steps.

“Oh,” You faltered, “You remembered.”

“It’s one of the few things you said. You don’t talk to me that much so it's not hard to remember the things you say.”

“Sorry.” You tried to apologize, brows furrowed in deep thought and the only reply you got was a gleeful laughter from the blonde setter.

“You don’t really mean that do you?” he observed but he didn't look insulted by it at all, instead he seemed amused by it, “Don’t sweat it, Y/N. My twin told me I could be an annoying shit at times.”

“No,” you mused, “Not at all, you’re not annoying.”

Atsumu stares at you right in the eye, his corners crinkling just a bit as the amused smile never leaves his features, you’re starting to like it when you see him smile that way, it reminded you a lot of the youth you craved for, the problematic-free youth that you wanted and wished, “Is it safe to say that you don’t mind my company?” he guessed.

“Well, you’re here now and I haven’t left you.” 

He doesn’t reply,  instead he bends down to your level and takes the antiseptic and band-aids from your hands. Before you could object, the setter dabs it on your wound and as you seethe quietly in pain, he blows on it. You’re getting more and more perplexed by his actions tonight especially with the words he says next, “I may not be close with you to know what happened tonight but I hope I made you feel a little bit better, Y/N.” 

The next time you see the professional volleyball player is at work,You’re tasked to send out some documents to your boss again and it just so happens they’re wrapping up the shoot for the advertisement at the studio.

Something’s different now. 

After your little talk with him at the terrace, the air around you doesn’t feel tight, your anxiety around him seems to decrease, and your feet doesn’t get cold anymore. Of course, Inunaki would throw in a jab or insult but you took it like a good sport and didn’t bother with him.

“Ah, L/N-san! How are the boys?” Hinata jumps up and down excitedly as he sees you enter the studio, you still couldn’t get used to this big (small) bundle of energy.

“They’re doing fine, Hinata-san.” 

“Oho, L/N-san, you’re looking better these days.” Inunaki teased, you gave him a brief nod and just ignored the jab, Atsumu slaps his seniors back in retaliation, “You’re not the one she broke up with Inu-san.” he joked, “Hey L/N-san.”

“Miya-san.” You greeted.

“Does Yuuto still want to skewer me like a kebab?”

“He feels sad that he wasn’t able to say sorry to you before you left.” You replied, a hint of amusement laced on your tone as you recalled Yuuto frowning on the dinner table the night before because Sugawara had informed the club members that Hinata and Atsumu wouldn’t be visiting as much because training was about to start.

“Shame, wanted to see that brat say sorry too.” He let out a grin, your conversation is cut short though when a new presence joins the room.

“Oh, Riku-chan!” Inunaki calls out.

You lick your dry lips as you see the very beautiful and tall raven-haired woman approach you, wow, Miya Atsumu outdid himself with this one. You recalled her being on Vogue magazine once and on tv a few times as a fashion model of an underwear brand.

“Oh, hey babe.” Atsumu greets, you note how stiff he became. He probably thought this would be an uncomfortable situation. The woman, unlike you, was very open with her affection. She gave him a brief kiss on his jaw.

Hinata greets her and you’re left wondering if you should excuse yourself before you could make Atsumu more uncomfortable by your presence but Inunaki, being an asshole, decides to make the choice for you, “L/N-san, this is Miyazaki Riku! I’m sure you know her, she’s a supermodel!” he introduces you to her.

“Good day.” You greet the model.

She tilts her head slightly, “Have we met before? You look very familiar.”

“She was my kohai back in Uni and Atsumu’s classmate!” Inunaki grins, patting your back, you hold back a glare since you didn’t want to make it more awkward than it was.

“Oh?” she chirped, immediately letting go of Atsumu’s hand, she grabbed onto yours, “What was he like? I bet he was so cool and chic back then too!”

Chic and Cool?

Memories of a rather clumsy and corny Miya Atsumu in college slowly wormed its way to your head and out of nowhere, you burst into a low chuckle. Inunaki was startled by the sudden reaction and Atsumu feels his insides mush up when he hears that very rare sound, “Yeah,” you croaked, shortly after recovering from your small laugh, “Definitely chic and cool.”

“That’s so cool! I definitely want to hear stories about you back in college, baby!”

“Maybe some other time,” you voice is back to its smooth and cool tone, realizing that you needed to leave from this uncomfortable conversation and start your job, “I have to finish up my work here and get home early.”

“That’s a shame, I could definitely tell you guys were close.” a frown tugs her lips as she notices how quick you were to say goodbye to her, “Bye, L/N-san!”

After that rather dry and one-sided enthusiastic conversation, you finish your work quickly and Daiki messages you just in time that he and the boys would pick you up, you say your goodbyes to your director, the staff, and the volleyball team. You don’t notice the lingering gaze of Atsumu as you left nor do you notice Inunaki telling him that he’s got his girlfriend right in front of him and he shouldn’t look your way.

They shortly wrap up right after and they’re ready to go home. After deciding that they’d all grab a good meal together (much to sakusa’s dismay), Atsumu feels his mood lighten up as they exit the studio to see you standing there along with Yuuto, unwrapping his onigiri. As he’s about to call the brat to talk to him and even drop in to say hi to you, he sees a familiar tall figure emerge from the convenience store with Youta in his arms.

The blonde decides against it.

“...You always had trouble expressing yourself naturally to people after all.”

He watches the interaction from afar and notes how easy it was for the man to interact with you, he even catches on an amused smirk from you as the man tries to tell you a joke, “Is that L/N-san?” he hears Riku ask, “I didn’t know she had a family, that’s so cute!”

Atsumu doesn’t really know what to say as he watches the domestic scene unfold in front of him, he was trying to move on, wasn’t he? Yet why can’t he look away? 

“Baby? You alright there? You’ve been staring at the empty space for a while.” Riku calls out, sounding a bit worried as she snaps him out of his daze. You were already gone, probably far off with that scrub and the brats.

“I’m good.” he tried to affirm himself, wishing it was true, “I’m good.”

taglist [closed]

@fortheloveofiwaizumi ;  @svtbitch  ; @kiyoomile ; @lovedanii ; @juno-multifandom ; @gyubit17 ; @saeranoppa ; @nixxona ; @kyomihann @shorttstackk ; @intoomuchfandoms ; @yammmers ; @mx-minxx @itsmattsunshinehere ; @missingmystogan ; @volleybloop ; @imcravingyou ; @yams-wants-that-booty ; @liathachcapricious ; @pinknugget @seikamuzu ; @marigoldthoughts ; @sillykittt ; @baejinoffcl ; @alluring-akaashi ; @bnhasstuff ; @jungshookmeup ; @intheawks ; @bokuakadaily ; @agaassi​ ; @yams046​  ; @dope-squish​ ; @chrisrue15​ ; @vermillionwaves​ ; 

@misosamu  @Etherynaw  @ryaaaax @differentballooncollection @keniloveshaikyuu @allysasteaparty  [hi, i can’t seem to tag u guys, i think you need to open your tags uwu]

[likelightningafterthethunder]

Like Lightning After the Thunder: Chapter One: Damned Smile

Fic Summary:

His breath wavered as he stared into Katsuki’s eyes. He knew he could get out if he tried. He could knock Katsuki out, hope that no one else would find them, and run back into the shadows where he belonged. Katsuki may have had him pinned down but he was in Denki’s range now and it would take little effort to send a charge through Katsuki to paralyze him temporarily.

It would take barely any additional effort to kill Katsuki.

As the sparks began to charge, lighting up the air around him, Katsuki refused to back down.

–

Katsuki always knew he was destined for great things.

He didn’t think he’d have to turn his back on all he’s ever known to get there.

Rating: T

Warnings: Eventual major character death, implied/referenced child abuse, psychological trauma

Other Tags: Bakugou Katsuki/Kaminari Denki, slow burn, alternate universe - canon divergence

Read on Ao3 (links to corresponding chapter) or read below

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Fic navigation to read the fic on tumblr 

--

Even years later, that damn smile haunted his dreams.

There was absolutely no reason for him to still think about the event. Everything had been taken care of when it had happened― injuries were treated, authorities alerted, information secured, and a press conference to tie it all up in a big red bow. There were no loose ends, no surprise second coming, no physical reminders of what happened lingering in his daily life. Katsuki would have labeled it as done, dealt with, and no longer relevant, shoving it aside in his memory so he could focus on actual important shit.

Except his mind had different plans.

When he was lucky, he could completely forget about the event for months. Other times, his dreams would be filled with nothing but that damn smile, taunting him with its silence. He could usually predict when the dreams would come― the anniversary of the event for example― but other times, it seemed like anything could trigger the memory. He once saw a bright yellow balloon and for the rest of the day, every time he closed his eyes he saw that damned smile, never wavering despite the curses and insults Katsuki spewed.

He wanted to forget it. He wanted so desperately to forget it. For the image to erase itself from his mind, for it to take the feelings away with it. He could deal with the anger, he could always deal with the anger, but when his memory reminded him of the wave of hurt and betrayal that nearly blinded him…

When his alarm jolted him from his sleep and freed him from the smile, he couldn’t get out of bed fast enough. He woke up drenched in a cold sweat, sheets singed and smoking lightly as he unclenched his hands, and Katsuki was, for once, very relieved that not all of his sweat was explosive. He slapped the singes a few times to ensure that all of the embers were put out before heading for the bathroom, cursing under his breath as he flinched at his own reflection in the mirror.

There was nothing particularly wrong with his appearance, if you didn’t count the dark circles under his eyes from a fitful night’s sleep or his clammy skin, but after being plagued by the smile, Katsuki could barely look at himself. His reaction to the smile made him feel weak, like he couldn’t handle himself and that there was something wrong with him. It was just a smile after all. There was no reason for him to react to it like a nightmare, no reason for him to lose sleep over it or to feel overwhelmed by emotions at the thought of it.

Yet when he saw the smile and saw how the corners of his mouth were tugged a bit too tight, how his eyes were open a bit too wide, how the only shine in his eyes were the reflections of light on tears that refused to fall…

Katsuki cursed.

The icy cold shower did little to help distract him from the memory, nor did his morning run nor the steaming shower he took after. He wasn’t supposed to head into the agency today, so he didn’t have any planned beatdowns for today, and yes he probably shouldn’t be hoping for it, but part of him hoped for a sudden emergency villain so he could distract himself by focusing on beating some villain’s ass into next week.

A few hours later when his phone refused to stop buzzing, Katsuki wondered if throwing his phone across the room until it stopped would be close enough to beating villain ass to work. He reluctantly decided that talking to people so they’d leave him alone was probably less hassle to deal with than having to replace his phone and distribute his new number (even if it would give him an excuse to ghost some of these damn extras).

A few individual texts and a group text were the cause of the buzzing. As the group text’s new message count continued to rise, he figured it would be easier to respond to the individual texts first. Just in case he changed his mind about destroying the phone.

Four Eyes (Rocket Legs): Hello Bakugou, this is a reminder about the upcoming Class A reunion. As the head of the reunion committee, it is my duty to ensure an accurate headcount for the event, and I have yet to receive your response about your attendance. Please ensure to respond via the following link by this Friday at 11:59PM. [Class A 10 Year Reunion RSVP]

Four Eyes (Rocket Legs): In case you missed the previous messages regarding the reunion, the event is March 28th starting at 7PM at the Shinjuku Hotel in Musutafu. If you need to rent a room for the night or the weekend, please alert the Shinjuku Hotel staff that you are part of the Class A reunion party by next Wednesday for an event discount.

Katsuki frowned. He wasn’t exactly looking forward to the possibility of being surrounded by all of his former classmates and even less at the idea of being socially obligated to spend the entire evening with them. At least when he met up with his friends elsewhere, he could always claim needing to leave early so he could make the last train or that work needed him to come in early the next day.

He closed out of the conversation, figuring he still had a few more days to decide if he really wanted to deal with his classmates for an entire evening.

Midoriya: Hey Katsugou! I was wondering if you’re going to go to the reunion? Tenya said the deadline to RSVP is coming soon and we haven’t heard from you, so I just thought I’d check in!

Katsuki: The fuck is Katsugou?

Midoriya: Oh sorry!! Typo!!

Midoriya: Anyway, are you coming?

Katsuki closed out of the conversation and moved on to the next one.

Shitty Hair: Katsuki! Are you coming to the reunion or not dude????

Katsuki: Fuck off.

Shitty Hair: Aww dude that’s no way to talk to your best friend, you know you love me!!

Katsuki: I’m blocking you.

He did not, in fact, block him. But he did close out of Eijirou’s texts.

Save for the newest text sent directly from Eijirou, all that was left was the backlog of texts in the group text. It had kept going off while he was reading the other conversations, so Katsuki figured it meant that everyone was either off for the day or on their lunch break.

Raccoon Eyes: guys!!!!! the reunion is COMING UPPPPPP!!!!

Raccoon Eyes: i cant wait to s

Raccoon Eyes: ee all of u guys again!!

Tape Face: lmao you saw us last week

Raccoon Eyes: yes

Raccoon Eyes: an eteRNITY ago

Raccoon Eyes: and like

Raccoon Eyes: kats left early so we didnt have everyone

Raccoon Eyes: so it doesnt count

Shitty Hair: Yeah Katsuki don’t leave early next time!!

Raccoon Eyes: we just have to hold him hostage next time

Raccoon Eyes: or like

Raccoon Eyes: AMBUSH him

Tape Face: i can always tape him up

Raccoon Eyes: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES

Raccoon Eyes: tape him to the wall

Raccoon Eyes: and then like

Raccoon Eyes: steal his wallet

Raccoon Eyes: cant get on transit w no moneys

Raccoon Eyes: ei and han hold him down

Raccoon Eyes: i run to hide his wallet where he cant fi

Raccoon Eyes: nd it

Raccoon Eyes: probs keeps kats tapped to the wall all night

Raccoon Eyes: free up his arms so he can have a drink????

Tape Face: explosion palms dude

Raccoon Eyes: oh u right

Raccoon Eyes: he can just have a cup w like

Raccoon Eyes: a REALLY REALLY long straw

Raccoon Eyes: make sure u tape him up w his hands behind his back

Tape Face: you got it

Shitty Hair: He’s in this chat guys he’s going to see the plan

Raccoon Eyes: whatevs we can still totally blindside him

Raccoon Eyes: ANYWAYS

Raccoon Eyes: ure all going right?????

Tape Face: ya I rsvpd a while back

Shitty Hair: Yep!! Wouldn’t miss it for the world!

Raccoon Eyes: what about u kats

Raccoon Eyes: kats???

Raccoon Eyes: KAAAAAAAAAAAAATS

Raccoon Eyes: k

Raccoon Eyes: a

Shitty Hair: I’ll text him separately

Raccoon Eyes: t

Tape Face: he probably has this muted lmao

Raccoon Eyes: s

Raccoon Eyes: !!!!!!

Raccoon Eyes: how dare u ignore us

Raccoon Eyes: after everything weve done for u!!!!

Raccoon Eyes: thought we were ur ride or die hoes

Raccoon Eyes: dont tell me ur not going!!!!!

Raccoon Eyes: im so offended

Raccoon Eyes: how could u do this to us kats

Shitty Hair: Maybe he’s at work today?

Raccoon Eyes: boo

Raccoon Eyes: how dare he prioritize wo

Raccoon Eyes: rk over us

Raccoon Eyes: his best friends

Raccoon Eyes: the suns of his life

Raccoon Eyes: the bit of happiness in the cold

Raccoon Eyes: cold

Raccoon Eyes: cold

Tape Face: coooooooooold

Raccoon Eyes: COOOOOOOOLD

Raccoon Eyes: thing he calls a heart

Shitty Hair: Lmao

Tape Face: its got a bit of warmth

Tape Face: most of it is his temper

Raccoon Eyes: boom boom POW

Raccoon Eyes: well while we wait for kats

Raccoon Eyes: help me pick some photos for the slideshow!!

Tape Face: are you doing only UA pics or some stuff since then

Tape Face: somehow iida managed to not specify lmao

Shitty Hair: The info email was like ten pages, how did he miss it

Tape Face: idk

Raccoon Eyes: ive got plenty for both!!

Raccoon Eyes: momo said pref UA pics but some new stuff is good too

Raccoon Eyes: show how far weve come n all that

Tape Face: oh cool let me get some opinions then too

Shitty Hair: Anyone have any pics of the camping trip from second year?

Raccoon Eyes: before or after todoroki and kats’ fight turned it into a icy hot springs

Shitty Hair: Both lmao but probably before it went to hell

Raccoon Eyes: image.png

Raccoon Eyes: ofc ive got us chillin in the springs

Raccoon Eyes: well most of us

Raccoon Eyes: kats u never get in the water w us :C

Raccoon Eyes: lets go to the beach next time!!

Tape Face: hed prob boil the water w you in it if you dragged him in lmao

Tape Face: spicy acid time

Raccoon Eyes: id like to see him TRY

Shitty Hair: Don’t tempt him lmao

Raccoon Eyes: image.png

Raccoon Eyes: image.png

Raccoon Eyes: image.png

Raccoon Eyes: i got like a shit ton more

Raccoon Eyes: should i send some of THE FIGHT

Shitty Hair: Maybe not

Tape Face: yes

Tape Face: well

Tape Face: depends on how many pissed off katsuki pics youre putting in lmao

Raccoon Eyes: OH

Raccoon Eyes: OHHHH

Raccoon Eyes: OHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Tape Face: ?

Raccoon Eyes: dude

Raccoon Eyes: do u have the POMERANIAN pic

Tape Face: o shit

Tape Face: image.png

Shitty Hair: I still think Katsuki should’ve taken that pup home

Shitty Hair: They’re matching!

Tape Face: image.png

Tape Face: i also have this one

Tape Face: when she tried to bite his nose off lmao

Raccoon Eyes: kats couldve named her king explosion murder

Raccoon Eyes: or just murder

Raccoon Eyes: p sure she wouldve tried to murder kats at least o

Raccoon Eyes: nce

Tape Face: lmao she basically tried when he found her

Shitty Hair: Maybe it’s for the best that he didn’t keep the pup

Tape Face: look what i found

Tape Face: image.png

Raccoon Eyes: AWWWW YES

Raccoon Eyes: LOOK AT USSSSS

Raccoon Eyes: we look FABBBB

Shitty Hair: Is that from the dance?

Tape Face: ye

Raccoon Eyes: guys what if we recreate that pic at the reunion

Raccoon Eyes: the fits?

Raccoon Eyes: immaculate

Raccoon Eyes: the pose?

Raccoon Eyes: perfection

Tape Face: hotel?

Tape Face: trivago

Shitty Hair: I’m down for recreating some pics!

Raccoon Eyes: yessssss

Raccoon Eyes: u have no choice either kats u gotta do it

Raccoon Eyes: wherever u are

Shitty Hair: Oh he replied!!

Raccoon Eyes: SWEET

Raccoon Eyes: what he say

Shitty Hair: He said fuck off

Tape Face: as expected

Shitty Hair: Lmao he threatened to block me again

Tape Face: thought he said he was blocking you last week

Shitty Hair: Yea exactly

Raccoon Eyes: HOW RUDE

Raccoon Eyes: as punishment for not paying attention to us

Raccoon Eyes: im gonna send this

Raccoon Eyes: image.png

Tape Face: LMAO whend you make that

Shitty Hair: Is that Katsuki with a cat face and ears

Shitty Hair: Dude I don’t know if he’s going to kill you for that or for the pink hair first lmao

Raccoon Eyes: lmao made it just now

Raccoon Eyes: well MAYBE if he ANSWERED us

Katsuki: Delete it.

Tape Face: O SHIT

Tape Face: you summoned him

Raccoon Eyes: NO I WILL NOT

Katsuki: Delete it Raccoon Eyes or else I’m coming for you.

Tape Face: are you coming for the left shoes and shittin in them

Raccoon Eyes: NOOOOOOO not my shoes!!!!!!!!

Tape Face: its just the left shoes tho

Raccoon Eyes: BUT THATS MY FAVE SIDE

Katsuki: What the fuck are you two going on about?

Raccoon Eyes: DONT COME FOR M

Raccoon Eyes: Y LEFT SHOES KATS IM SORRY

Katsuki: I’m not coming for your fucking left shoes. Or any of your shoes.

Katsuki: I will be coming for you if you don’t delete that picture, though.

Raccoon Eyes: FORGIVENESS

Raccoon Eyes: I BEG

Raccoon Eyes: PLSSSSS

Katsuki: Delete the picture.

Raccoon Eyes: ugh fiiiiiiiiiine

Raccoon Eyes: its deleted

Raccoon Eyes: i wont send it to momo for the slide show

Katsuki: Good.

Raccoon Eyes: IF U COME TO THE REUNION

Katsuki: Fuck off.

Shitty Hair: C’mon Katsuki!! It’ll be fun!!

Tape Face: ya it wouldnt do if we didnt have our exploding star

Raccoon Eyes: ill send momo WORSE if u dont come

Raccoon Eyes: nd u wont know WHAT til AFTER

Raccoon Eyes: so PLSSSSSSSSSS

Raccoon Eyes: PRETTY PLSSSSSSS

Raccoon Eyes: PLS COME TO THE REUNION

Raccoon Eyes: ill spam u a lot worse if u dont show us proof of rsvp

Raccoon Eyes: pls kaaaaaaaaats

Raccoon Eyes: kaaaaaaaaats

Raccoon Eyes: k

Raccoon Eyes: a

Katsuki: Ugh fucking fine, I’ll do the RSVP now then.

Raccoon Eyes: t

Raccoon Eyes: YAY

Four Eyes (Rocket Legs): Good afternoon, Bakugou! I just wanted to confirm with you that I have received your RSVP for the Class A reunion. As a reminder, if you need to rent a room for the night or the weekend, please alert the Shinjuku Hotel staff that you are part of the Class A reunion party by next Wednesday for an event discount.

Katsuki: image.png

Katsuki: image.png

Katsuki: Four Eyes is watching the RSVP form like a fucking hawk apparently.

Raccoon Eyes: YAAAAAY URE RSVPD!!!

Shitty Hair: You know him, always dedicated to his work

Tape Face: sweet

Raccoon Eyes: are u guys getting rooms

Tape Face: yea musutafus too far for a round trip

Tape Face: esp since itll prob end late

Shitty Hair: I got one for the weekend!

Tape Face: wbu mina

Raccoon Eyes: booked a room already!!

Raccoon Eyes: kaaaaats wbu

Raccoon Eyes: u should

Raccoon Eyes: we could have a brunch or lunch or s/t thats just us

Raccoon Eyes: plsssssss kats

Katsuki: I’ll think about it.

Tape Face: better than a no lmao

Shitty Hair: If they run out of space or if you decide last second, you can room with me dude

Raccoon Eyes: awww why not a yes

Katsuki: I haven’t asked the other Four Eyes for the time off yet.

Tape Face: is this four eyes no4 or no15

Raccoon Eyes: four eyes no69

Raccoon Eyes: no wait

Raccoon Eyes: no420

Tape Face: haha blaze it

Raccoon Eyes: BLAZE IT

Shitty Hair: It’s number 7

Katsuki: Fuck you, I don’t have that many Four Eyes saved in my phone.

Shitty Hair: I’d be surprised if you had 420 contacts period dude

Raccoon Eyes: would b hilarious tho

Katsuki: Yes, it’s Four Eyes number 7.

Shitty Hair: I was right!!

Katsuki: Why would I ask any of the other Four Eyes for time off? They’re not my fucking bosses.

Tape Face: dunno

Raccoon Eyes: idk maybe ure secretly dating one a

Raccoon Eyes: nd have to confirm that its ok

Raccoon Eyes: ARE U SECRETLY DATING A FOUR EYES

Raccoon Eyes: U HAVE TO TELL US IF U ARE

Raccoon Eyes: URE LEGALLY OBLIGATED

Tape Face: o shit

Tape Face: scandalous

Katsuki: Shut the fuck up, I’m not dating anyone, secret or not.

Raccoon Eyes: thats what they all say

Katsuki: Whatever. I’m not dating anyone.

Raccoon Eyes: kats n four eyes no420 sittin in a tree

Raccoon Eyes: k

Raccoon Eyes: i

Raccoon Eyes: s

Raccoon Eyes: s

Raccoon Eyes: i

Katsuki: I’ll blow up all of your left shoes when you’re not home.

Raccoon Eyes: n

Raccoon Eyes: NO

Raccoon Eyes: IM STOPPING DONT DO IT

Shitty Hair: Hey what do you guys think of this photo

Shitty Hair: image.png

Tape Face: dude yes

Raccoon Eyes: AWWWW OUR FIRST BILLBOARDS AS PROS

Katsuki: Do we really need to send them pictures? It’s not like we fucking forgot this stuff already.

Tape Face: you can be a killjoy if you want lmao

Tape Face: im sure mina will send more than enough to cover for you

Raccoon Eyes: U BETCHA

Raccoon Eyes: image.png

Raccoon Eyes: image.png

Raccoon Eyes: image.png

Raccoon Eyes: image.png

Raccoon Eyes: image.png

Tape Face: lmao why do you have a pic of katsuki throwing ei

Shitty Hair: I still can’t believe you did that bro

Shitty Hair: WITHOUT WARNING TOO

Katsuki: I gave you plenty of fucking warning.

Shitty Hair: Saying “I’m throwing you” AS YOU’RE THROWING ME is NOT PLENTY OF WARNING DUDE

Raccoon Eyes: im always ready to document golden moments

Katsuki: Shut the fuck up. We won the training exercise so what’s it fucking matter?

Shitty Hair: YOU THREW ME!!

Katsuki: Tape Face caught you before you could get hurt.

Shitty Hair: YOU /THREW/ ME!!!!!!

Tape Face: barely caught

Katsuki: Whatever.

Raccoon Eyes: im still impressed by how eASY u made that look

Katsuki: What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?

Raccoon Eyes: o look conveniently timed distraction photo spam

Katsuki sighed as he continued the conversation, commenting here and there on the photos his friends sent for judgement. In retrospect, he probably should have tried to talk to Shion first, since there was a chance she would have denied the time off for the reunion. Although, knowing her, she would have accepted just to force Katsuki into socializing. He opened up a new text message, figuring that if Shion did decide to deny the time off, he would at least have a screenshot to send to his friends explaining the sudden change in plans.

Katsuki: I need March 28th and 29th off.

Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): Do my eyes deceive me? The great Katsuki Bakugou, asking for time off?

Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): I’m amazed! Usually I have to ask you to take the day off!

Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): Nay, not ask, but force!

Katsuki: Are you going to give it to me or not?

Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): Depends! What do you need the time off for?

Katsuki: Class reunion.

Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): Oh those are fun!

Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): Fill out the proper time off paperwork and have it on my desk by Monday. I’ll approve the time off.

Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): Just keep your phone on you in case we need you to come in for an emergency, but I’ll try not to ruin your reunion with work.

Katsuki: Thanks.

Well, so much for an easy way out.

Katsuki pinched the bridge of his nose when he noticed that his phone had already accumulated another thirty texts in the past few minutes, no doubt primarily from Mina. He scrolled through the backlog, sending a few mostly empty threats when he saw photos he did not want projected for the entire class to see, freezing when his gaze met a pair of familiar amber eyes.

Shit.

In his scramble to close out of the photo, to escape the genuine smile that somehow was more haunting than the one in his dreams, he left the group text completely. He briefly thanked his past self; he’d impulse or rage quit the group text plenty of times before that this wasn’t unusual behavior. If he was lucky, his friends wouldn’t have noticed the timing of his departure and would assume he was just fed up with the notifications or the conversation.

Shitty Hair: You okay, Katsuki?

A weak laugh escaped Katsuki’s lips as he read the newest notification. Of course Eijirou noticed.

Katsuki: I’m fine.

Shitty Hair: Okay

Shitty Hair: We don’t have to talk about it

Shitty Hair: But if you want to, I’m here dude

Shitty Hair: I’ll tell the others that you left so your phone would shut up and not to add you back yet

Katsuki: Thanks. Really.

Shitty Hair: No problem dude

Katsuki put his phone down, silently praying for the smile to leave him alone.

When he finally laid down for bed that night, he repeated the short prayer, for a peaceful night’s rest free of the smile, of the hurt, of the pain, of the guilt.

But as always, the smile came.

[thecringefailintherye]

Oliver! (1968) Live (re) watch!

i have already seen oliver!, but not in ages, so i decided to watch it again, enjoy

very long post warning

fuckin hell these opening credits are LONG

i love the fact instrumentals of songs in the movie are playing

i have chocolate popcorn, apple lucozade and oliver! on, life is good

yes i know mark lester is oliver ive seen this like 20 times can i watch the film now

OH ABOUT FUCKING TIME

god is love

IS IT WORTH THE WAITING FOR IF WE LIVE TILL 84 ALL WE EVER GET IS GRUELL

i forgot how much of a banger food glorious food is

LOOK AT BABY MARK LESTER 🥺🥺🥺

ads in middle of movie be like

its harry secombe!

AMENNNN

oliver gets bullied the movie

look at this poor kid

MOREE????????

oh yes oliver i love this song

O L I V E R

poor kid

without any bannister yikes

the one who named him........O-L-IV-ERRR

oh were outside now

olivers just been kicked out oh shit

but on the plus side he has a cute ass hat on

BOY FOR SAY AL

look at oliver 🥺 he deserves better

SOWERBERRY MORE LIKE SHITTERBERRY

theres a severe lack of thats your funeral and i shall scream

noah claypole more like noah clayprick

“perhaps... if i had a tall hat?” BABEY

HES GOT HIS TALL HAT ON YES OLIVER

oliver said dab on them haters from your old gaff youre a funeral advisor now and theyre still homeless

DONT INSULT HIS MUM FUCK YOU NOAH

YES OLIVER KILL HIM

yes stuff the nine year old in a coffin and sit on it well done

"OLIVAH ??" "Yes im here: ((("

ITS MEAT!

oliver deserves better man 

im gonna cry and were like 25 minutes in.

ik its not mark singing but whoever it is CAN SING WTF

i want to give him a hug

OH SHIT HES RUNNING AWAY

hes in the lettuce

LONDON YOU MADE IT !

yes oliver trains exist

DODGER!!!

whach you starin at aint ya ever seen a toff

the beak

look at lil jack wild

me more hintimate friends

cockney accent™️

the artful dodga

CONSIDERR YOURSSELF AT HOEME COSNIDER YOURSWLF OEN OF THE FAMILY !!!!!!!!!!

im sorry i love this song

look this scene is awesome, but it would be COMPLETE with charley oh wait he was demoted to extra and everything interesting abt him was given to dodger

he should have gotten the nobody tries to be ladeeda or uppity bit I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL

this cast is BIG

okay i am a Charger Enthusiast but do we all agree there is something oddly homosexual about oliver and dodger in this song

note how dodger is scared of the police FORESHADOWING

ive taken to this SO STRONGITSCLEARWEREGOINGTOGETALONG

how many extras is this ???? yall better be gettin paid

its dodga comin up

this set is sraight out of the book i love it

CHARLEY MATE IM SORRY THEY MADE YOU AN EXTRA 

“oh not again” does dodger just always show up with random workhouse kids 

ah yes fagin the character whos still a negative jewish stereotype

more and more big cast

THESE SAUSAGES ARE MOULDY! (am i going to freak out whenever charley does anything because i love him? yes)

stfu drink your gin

is this a laundry?? no fam 

THE BEST FUCKING SONG IN THIS MUSICAL

IN THIS LIFE ONE THING COUNTS

sorry if i dont add to this until pick a pocket or two is done bc its a straight banger

this song is EVERYTHING 

hard at work lol ok

did he make those himself??? no

couple a wipes

EMBROIDERED THEM??? no

petition for all oliver twist adaptations to refer to charley as master bates like the book and for him to have actual lines and not have his actor switched at least three times

i dont even now who charley is at this point because his actor is switched many a time im just gonna say purple blazer kid is charley

anyway charley bates supremacy

whos bill sikes??? NO

fuck bill all my homies hate bill

rum tum tum is a banger

go bed now

take your hat off in bed dodger

movie fagin has rights

fagin leaving where will he go

BET IS THAT YOU

FUCK OFF BILL NO ONE LIKES YOU 

NANCY NANCY HES HERE !!!!!! bet deserves everything and more ily 💖

NANCYYYY!!!!!!

its a fine life more like its a banger

wheres all of bets lines gone

bet 🤝 charley (being demoted to extras)

its not funny anyore bet.. bet girl please sing youre the best fucking thing about this song

such a happy song about domestic abuse

THERE SHE IS THATS MY GIRL BET I FUCKING LOVE YOU

bullsye rights!

i hate how this movie made fagin more symathetic but he’s still a “greedy jew” stereotype

oliver?????

at this moment fagin knew he fucked up

nancy you deserve better than bill

oh hi dodger forgot you existed

and the rest of you except oliver

ah yes charley “sausages” bates i missed you

THESE FUCKING KIDS THEY ALL LOVE BET AND NANCY MY HEART

im a regular gent i am. no dodger you arent

why is “permit me to assist you across the road” so fucking funny

pov dodgers back on his bullshit so you have to pretend to be a horse and cart for him

not “sir artful” 😭😭😭

anyfink for youu

WHAT FISTICUFFS???!!!

i feel sorry for the child extras man theyve prob had to film this scene like ten times

THESE KIDS CAN SING

 the boys dancing with eachother is too fucking wholesome i love this

again, movie fagin rights

weed riissk lifee and limmbb

you promised we could go see the angin!!!!!

ats on boys time were off

THIS IS MY FAVOURITE SONG

HOW COULD WE LET HOW COULD WE FORGET OUR DEAR OLD FAGIN WORRY!!

mate that aint single file did you not hear him

am i the only one who can hear london bridge is falling down in the back??

our pockets hold a watch of gold that chimes upon the hour!!! a wallet fat an old mans hat!!! the jewels from the tower!!!

WE KNOW THE NOSEY POLICEMEENNNN

dodger and charley (i am SURE charley is purple blazer kid even if havent seen this film in ages) are GETTING INTO THIS

oliver 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

movie fagin rights pt 27238227

DODGER OLIVER COME ON!!!!!!!!! alright dude chill

ARE YALL SEEING THIS SHIT, I WAS RIGHT, I TOLD YOU THAT THE LAD IN THE PURPLE BLAZER WHO SINGS “a wallet fat an old mans hat” WAS CHARLEY BATES AND GUESS WHAT HE FUCKING IS. I WAS RIGHT, PURPLE BLAZER KID IS CHARLEY YOU CAN LEAVE NOW

no dont were only an hour in

three kids on the back of the omnibus what will they do

dodger and charley said be gay do crimes

ah shit now look what youve gotten us into dodger

IT WASNT EVEN OLIVER IT WAS CHARLEY AND DODGER GO AFTER THEM

are dodger and charley straight up framing oliver for a crime they commited while also helping him escape

yes they are why are we surprised 

i hate to break it to you dodger but hiding oliver in a meat sack doesnt work

OLIVERS ON THE ROOF????

charley and dodger got oliver into this mess and they are not going to get him out

WHY DIDNT YOU LOOK AFTER HIM????? right calm down fagin

how could i help it :((((

no bill!

stan nancy

“two other boys stole it” no shit

BROWNLOW !

run bitch run

right intermission time now

AND WE’RE BACK!

entr acte

who will buyyy

strawberry girl is carrying this

oliver owns my heart pt 278983728938728

this is a banger wtf

okay its done now right

right?????

UHH BILL???? DODGER???? BITCH WHY TF ARE YOU HERE

have bill fagin nancy and the boys been stalking oliver???

NO SHE WONT FAGIN!

shit.

fuck bill

this scene is far more sadder when you think of how the boys have just seen the only woman they see as a mother figure been hit to the flo or, im not crying, you are

as long as he needs me :(

FUCK YOU BILL

rose maylie is that you?!

look at lil oliver!!

BILL FUCK OFF

i hate bill

“look at his togs! he’s got books too!” charley and dodger are my emotional support kids

anyway have i mentioned i hate bill, bc i hate bill.

I REALLY REALLY HATE BILL

even fagin aka the guy whos keeping these kids as pickpockets has more morals than bill

WE STAY CALM!!

no bill i havent heard a dying chicken

act one was just childish antics now we have THIS

fuck bill

YOURE TELLING ME THE BOYS WATCHED THAT????

jack wild is a banging actor. he genuinely looks terrified 🥺 

this film.. 

a mans got a heart hasnt he?? yes you do!!!

a full song dedicated to movie fagin rights?? did i ghostwrite this?? probably

banger

ithinkidbetterthinkitoutagain!

villains theives and nine year olds

MR BUMBLE?????!!!!!!!!!!

fuck bill pt72898376728909878199

bill youre traumatising him

cmon nance do something!!

also completely forgot abt this but uh does monks exist in this i forgot bc we have had no mentions of him yet

nancy tell him who bill is!!!

bullseye deserves better

uhm what is going on

bill sikes more like bill yikes

oliver what are you doing

BILL TERRIFIES ME

FUCK

omg oom pah pah????

leave oliver alone bill hes like nine

oh banger

OOM PAH PAH THATS HOW IT GOES!!!!!!!!!

just asking are nancy and bet lesbians bc they look it

COULD IT BE OOM PAH PAHHHHHH

god i love this song

IT SHOOOOOWSSSSSS

its the same oom pah pah

“She was from the country but now shes up a gumtree she let a fella feed her then lead her a long” foreshadowiinnggg

OOM PAH PAH! OOM PAH PAH! OOM PAH PAH!

nancy is so fucking smart

getting the whole pub singing and dancing to smuggle out oliver? clever

fuck

bill.. no.. bill.. bill????

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKC

BILL GET OFF HER

NANCY NO

HE STRAIGHT UP COMMIT MURDER AGAINST THE NICEST CHARACTER

BROWNLOW DO YOU NOT HEAR NOTHING

nancy deserved a better death than to be killed by bill fuck bill

EVEN BULLSEYE HATES YOU BILL

ARE THEY ACCUSING BULLSEYE OF MURDER

FUCK YOU BILL

movie fagin rights + fuck bill combo?

youre telling me fagin had an ESCAPE ROUTE??? AT THE BOTTOM OF THE HOUSE THING??? THE WHOLE TIME???

BILL DONT KILL THE CHILD

BILL

fuck, well. #

“WHAT DO I DO!?” “LIVE UP TO YOUR NAME, DODGE ABOUT”

ten quid says dodgers been caught

oh no all fagins shit is gone

BILL DONT KILL THE CHILD PT 2

FUCK YOU BILL

GOD I HATE HIM

OLIVER MATE ARE YOU OK

never have i been so happy to see a character die

rest in shit bill

hi dodger thought you got caught n went to australia 

god, this film is so fucking good.

reviewing the situation 2.0 goes hard

MOVIE. FAGIN. RIGHTS!

FAGIN YOU CAN BE A GOOD MAN YOU KNOW YOU CAN

DODGER??????????

IM TOTALLY NOT CRYING RN

FAGIN NO DONT TAKE IT

FUCKING PLOTTWIST

IT MADE IT LOOK LIKE FAGIN WAS GONNA GIVE THE WALLET BACK TO DODGER BUT NO

once the villain you’re the villain to the end

i completely forgot abt this scene since i’ve been reading the oliver twist book and in that dodger gets arrested and fagin gets hanged but here they get away?

god this is bittersweet

I THINK WE’D OUGHT TO THINK IT OUT AGAIN!!!!!

thats where the film should have ended, i get olivers the main character but it ending on dodger and fagin walking out into the sunset is such a pleasing ending man

oliver gets his happy ending abt time

YES CONSIDER YOURSELF AND BE BACK SOON (THE BIGGEST BANGERS IN THE FILM) CREDITS SONGS!!

well.. that was a journey and half

[chikkou]

Will you talk more about Lisa?? Lisa the character specifically but also your feelings on his feelings about Buddy? I just thought your analysis was so good and I want to hear other thoughts you have on her.

yall are honestly spoiling me rn sdhkfdjfks this is like a dream come true 

i already got into the stuff with buddy in this ask here but i have a LOT to say about lisa and the connection between her and buddy so u better settle in!

ok so firstly ill start with lisa. i played the original lisa game (lisa the first) not long after it first dropped in 2012, and im not even kidding when i said it changed me LMAO.... seeing a story about a girl suffering is nothing new, but austin jorgensens approach to it was so fucking unique. you dont just witness it, you get to EXPERIENCE it right along with her. many stories that involve sexual abuse/rape show or otherwise depict it explicitly for the shock value, which is both disgusting and, in my opinion, extremely fucking exploitative. i feel that it is horrific to dignify an act so deeply evil with screentime. but lisa stood out to me immediately because, even though you know exactly whats going on, the game NEVER shows anything explicit. everything is layered in subtext and symbolism, and austin is fantastic with indirect storytelling, so you learn so much from just a little drop of information. this applies not just to the game proper, but to the character as well.

in case its not clear: i absolutely ADORE lisa. she is my favorite character in all of the games, bar none. its going to sound kind of fucked up, but as a kid around her age going through some fucked up shit, her committing suicide at the end felt like a sort of victory to me. she knew she could never escape from marty or what he was doing to her. he leaks into every single part of her psyche, everything she ever cared about or loved is ruined because of him, and even the vague memory of her mother is completely corrupted, and turned into a muddled version of him. lisa the first also had the added benefit of some religious commentary, as there are crosses all over their home and marty is characterized as an extremely religious man, which i fucking LOVE and wish had come back in the painful, but its an acceptable loss. anyway, lisa committing suicide at the end was an act of defiance against not just marty, but martys god, as suicide is considered a mortal sin in catholicism. lisa knew she’d never be free of marty in life, so she escaped the only way she could; she was defiant to the end.

ive seen people complain that the painful has a bit of a “lost lenore” thing going on, since lisas death seems to fuel the Manpain of both brad and buzzo, but i actually disagree. on the contrary, its just like austin himself said - lisa will never be gone. lisa is ALWAYS there, with brad, and buzzo, and buddy, and marty, and yado, and the ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD. i dont necessarily think that there is something paranormal going on in the game, but i AM going to say that, unlike other cases of a girl/woman dying for a mans backstory, lisa isnt just a bittersweet memory they can reflect on and then put away when its convenient for them. she is a presence that is felt throughout the entire game. brad sees her more than once, sometimes watching, sometimes reprimanding him. buzzo is clearly haunted by her, as he cries out to her a few times in the joyful. every character who was directly touched by lisa - brad, marty, and buzzo - calls out to lisa as they die. call it their guilt or call it her actions, but in either case, it is clear that lisa just as significant of a character in the painful as she was in the first, even if she cant always be seen. even in a meta-sense, every game in the series - even the joyful, whose protagonist doesnt even know who she is - is named after her. she is at the center of everything that happens in them. 

that actually brings me to buddy, because i find the dynamic between her and lisa fucking fascinating. as i previously mentioned, brad never talked about his past with buddy, and snaps at her for bringing up his adoptive son dusty (rando), so it goes without saying that she definitely doesnt know who lisa is. in spite of that, though, lisa is a fucking massive part of buddys life, and while she may not know the person herself, i think she is aware that when people (and brad especially) look at her, they arent seeing HER. 

i mentioned it in another post, but even though brad takes it upon himself to raise and “protect” buddy, he seems to almost unwittingly recreate lisas appearance, primarily by allowing her hair to grow long even though he knows what a risk that is to her safety. he also treats buddy in a manner thats incredibly similar to how marty treated lisa (sans sexual abuse, of course) - he insults her, does not let her leave the house at all, and forces her to do unsavory things that no one should ever have to do (in buddys case, this means killing at least two innocent people because brad doesnt want a “weak” daughter). the most literal comparison between buddy and lisa is the fact that they are both very young girls being essentially held captive by their father figures, albeit for different reasons, and both long for freedom from their captors. 

theres also the fact that both buddy and lisa have to deal with misogyny and the effects of rape culture firsthand; they both battle against men who feel entitled to do with them whatever they please, and the threat of ongoing sexual abuse looms heavy over both of their heads. neither one can seek help from anyone; the neighbors in brad and lisas town seem complacent at best, if they even know what is happening to lisa at all, and buddys only allies (sans rando) are long dead by the start of the joyful. this is not just a hypothetical or a distant possibility. this is the real, tangible fate that will befall them if they cant somehow secure their safety.

sadly, because lisa wasnt playable in either of the rpgs, we dont know if she was able to fight as brad was, but it is highly probable that she had the innate skill but was never able to learn it (as marty highly discouraged them from learning “their grandfathers karate,” and seemed disgusted whenever brad did so). however, she did have ONE weapon she could make use of, and this is a weapon buddy ends up using, as well - her femininity. she became close to bernard (aka buzzo), made him fall in love with her, and then used him as a last ditch effort to stop martys abuse by having him mutilate her face. im not saying lisa never cared about bernard - in fact, i think she DID really love and care for him - but her own fucked up experiences with “love” meant she really couldnt understand what it was supposed to be like, or that it was wrong to manipulate the people you care about. lisa did very few things wrong - it pretty much just stops at the maiming of the cat and her manipulation of bernard - but she knew that she would never get away from marty without some kind of drastic action being taken, and scarring herself was her last ditch effort before ultimately committing suicide.

buddy ends up taking a somewhat similar tack in the joyful, and like in lisas case, its simultaneously resourceful and horrific. one of buddys key moves in the joyful is to flash the enemy (which the player obviously doesnt see) in order to distract them long enough to get the kill. its fucking horrible and disgusting and makes you feel so dirty, but then, how must buddy feel having to do something like that just to survive? shes just a child, but in a world where almost every man is out to get you, she knows this has to be done to save herself, very much like lisa. unlike in lisas case, though, buddy is successful in securing her safety in this way - lisas effort is for naught, and leads to her committing suicide not very long after. 

in a way, i sort of attribute buddys brutality to lisas omnipresence; all of the men pursuing buddy are just like marty, monsters who would harm a fucking child for their own disgusting ends, and i think that when buzzo said that lisa wouldve loved olathe, what he means is that she would have loved seeing so many horrible men being punished for what theyd done. so in my opinion, buddy carving out a place for herself in olathe by killing all those who would subjugate her seems very much in the mentality lisa would have had. sure, there are some innocents who sadly get roped into it, but that would definitely not be her intention; for example, if buzzo could have practiced amputation without harming a living thing, i dont think lisa would have asked him to practice on the cat. note the LACK of brutality at the beehive and the swamp bar, two of the few peaceful places in the painful and both devoid of predatory men hunting for buddy - lisa has no qualm with any of them. but marty? brad could hardly even get a full sentence out before killing him on the spot. i dont doubt that that has a great deal to do with lisas presence. 

ok i talked for a while LMAO but basically i think that, in a more metatextual sense, lisa and buddys relationship really strikes me as an accurate depiction of generational trauma. of course it was intentional with the more obvious trauma chain (marty to brad to buddy), but the trauma chain of marty to lisa to buddy is rarely ever addressed due to lisa not physically appearing in the painful. however, i believe it may inform buddys actions a great deal more than people realize - after all, buddys experience is unique, but who could understand it better than lisa? who knows that sort of pain, of being alone on an island, the lone woman trapped with a man (or men) who want nothing more than to cause you harm? even without her realizing it, lisa is guiding buddy, encouraging her to take back what is hers no matter the cost, to punish those who would try to take what they want from her. lisa might be dead, but she is a vengeful presence throughout every game, and buddys actions feel like theyre meant not only to save herself, but to avenge lisa, even if she doesnt realize it. at the end of the day, buddy and lisa both get to exact revenge against all the men who have wronged them, and they succeed. they are aggressive, and violent, and selfish, and ANGRY - and they have every fucking right to be. 

[thewritingstar]

Enchanted For A Moment: Reds

Pairing: Blossom x Brick (Reds) 

Fandom: PPG 

Rating: Teen and up..slight cussing

Royal Au

Im literally dying for this au and i dedicate this to all the lovely people in our discord and im in love with our fandom. 

I know I know ive been on a ppg high lately but im riding this one out for a long time. Also I did little to no research, idk the time period but its old so have at it. I hope that you enjoy!

Chapter One: Golden Doors and Spider Silk 

She hated this castle, this stupid kingdom and all above, her. Princess Morbucks. The girl was so spoiled that her father, the king, named his daughter Princess as if she wasn’t going to be addressed like that otherwise. She didn’t know why she kept coming back to teach her these lessons. French, English, History, she didn’t bother to learn or practice in the slightest.

“Princess, not many women know how to read and write. Imagine how extraordinary that would be to be such a diverse leader.” She had told her, but at last, she never listened.

The only thing that could interest her was gowns and gems and of course the many suitors who came begging for her hand in marriage. Pathetic. She never believed that a love like that could be real. Affection starved from greed and looks was not something she wanted, nor should anyone. Maybe that's why this life of luxury disgusted her. Yes living in a giant palace with the fluffiest pillows and the freshest fruit sounded lovely, beats her small bedroom that she shares with her sisters, but was it worth it? Okay maybe she would become a royal for the library, maybe.

Her thoughts came back to her as Princess slammed the book shut. If she bends that book I swear. “I am done for today.” She huffed.

“We started ten minutes ago.” Blossom sighed and smoothed the headache that was starting to form. “Let's do history, today is about the different types of clothes and fabrics. Maybe you’ll enjoy this.”

“Why would I?”

“Because if you see something you like, you can have it custom made, plus i'll tell you where the most expensive silk is.” Got her.

Princess stared at her. Even though she was older than her by a year, she seemed to resemble more of her students she taught at the schoolhouse. Aka she was a brat.

“Fine but make it quick, the newest batch of suitors is coming today and I want to see my options.”

Blossom rolled her eyes. Princess was turning 20. She should have been married off at 18 but after complaining about wanting to have a little more freedom, dear old king daddy gave in. She always got what she wanted, those poor men.

“Okay well. Let's make a deal. I’ll leave you these two book, don’t make that face they are mostly pictures, and I’ll leave you for today. However when I come back tomorrow, you better be able to tell me five different fabrics and where they are from and we won’t have class for the rest of the week that way you can focus on the ball that's been held on Friday?”

The smile that grew on Princess' face was wicked. “Deal!” She stood and took the books. “I’m just happy I won’t have to see that hideous outfit for the rest of the week.” She pointed at Blossom's gown.

It was a light brown skirt with  leather belt and a white blouse, Blossom thought it was rather lovely considering her little sister Bubbles had made it.

“Alright then.” She rolled her eyes, gosh she hated her. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Princess was already out of the door before she could blink, but she didn’t care. She turned and placed the rest of the scrolls and books on the proper shelves of the private library. The king, who had never spared a single expense in his life, made sure that practically every title written was stuffed inside the room. And he gave Blossom personal access to any of the books since she was one of the few who could read and bothered to do so as well.

She skimmed the shelf, her fingers tracing over the many velvet blinds. So many stories to be read. She grabbed three different ones before slipping them into her satchel. She blew out the candles and pushed in the chairs before leaving the grand room.

The king had offered her a key to her own private quarters but she would rather stay with her father and sisters than let Princess yell at her at any hour she decided. Yes, much rather.

-- Princess could hardly contain herself as she stood next to her father in the courtyard. Before them,a dozen or so carriages were pulling up, each one containing a handsome suitor. Some are princes, others are men from rich families. Either way, they were all lining up to see the Princess and hopefully marry her.

“I don't know why we are here.” Boomer complained.

“Why the fuck do you care?” Butch asked. “You’re the youngest, you are off the hook.” He laughed.

Boomer laughed. The carriage stopped as it was in line to enter the gate. Boomer grabbed the handle and opened it up, ignoring the protests from his brothers. “Sorry boys but I’m going to ditch the collar and go see the local girls.” He winked and strolled off.

Butch propped his feet up on the empty space. “So big bro.” he slapped the back of his brother. “You think you’re gonna be the hot piece of ass to win the princesses heart?” He laughed. Brick rolled his eyes as the carriage rolled forward.

“She is rich.” he mumbled. “I mean I'm probably the best candidate.” Arrogant.

The carriage stopped once more and Brick looked to his brother who was impatiently tapping his leg. “You can go too. It's probably best that you don’t embarrass us and the entire kingdom.”

“Thanks bro.” Butch wiped a fake tear from his eyes. “My lady said she was docking at these ports so im gonna go try and get some by sundown-”

“Goodbye Butch.” And he was shoved out of the carriage.

Brick could finally take in the piece and quiet. They had only been traveling for three days and it was a miracle he hadn’t killed his brothers yet. Sometimes he hated this lifestyle. He was no prince but he and his brothers were adopted by an extremely rich guy who wanted to make a name for himself and create three prodigies. In the end he created a walking disaster who breaks everything and wolf whistles at anything with long legs and the other one is like a puppy constantly running around and yapping constantly. For Brick he is just an arrogant asshole who actually does what she's told, if there's something in it for him.

Which is why he was on his way to try and get married. He didn’t want to be because frankly, no woman ever met his standards. They could be beautiful and nice and chatty but there was something missing a certain depth. But with a princess at stake, he was hoping for a lady who was well off and smart.

--- He was wrong. She was nothing like he thought. Sure she was pretty but she was mean to her staff, which he understood cause he could be a pain in the ass. But her voice, that high pitched squeaking, he was sick of her already. The moment he stepped out of the claustrophobic nightmare of a ride, she was in his face already fanning over him.

Those bright yellow dresses clashed with her hair and the light beaming off of her crown almost took out his eyes. She had said about forty different things to him but he was done. He wanted to grab his brothers, turn around and escape this hell hole.

After a short conversation and her rushing to the next dopey guy, he was shown to his quarters, of course Princess, who names their child Princess? Was their tour guide.

“And this is the library. It's plain and boring but if you ever need a quiet space or to watch me brush up on my French, you are more than welcome to go there.” Her arm was looped between two men and Brick was happy he was at the back of the pack, what was there, twelve, ten boys? He was really doubting his chances but at this point, he didn’t care.

They began to pass those doors and as the last one there, they opened. The group ahead had turned the corner but he was taken down by that massive door. He fell with a thud and was about to scold the living daylights out of whoever dared to do that.

“What the hell is your-” he looked up. Pink. Vibrant pink like the sunsets and soft like a rose. He gulped as he lost his voice completely.

“Oh I am so sorry!” the woman said as she helped him up. “Usually no one was in these halls but perhaps I should be more careful.” She began to ramble.

All that hostile rage had dissipated as he watched her lips move. She was much different from Princess. Her hair was ginger like hers but it was softer and had more copper tones. She was taller than her too and matched his height better. Her voice, it was like butter and she spoke in such a way that he couldn't describe.

He looked down to see books laying there and picked them up, handing them to her. Why would she have books? Especially these titles, even from the looks of them they were difficult to read, even for him.

“Do you read?’ he asked. Of course she didn’t.

“Oh yes. I am actually Princess’s teacher.” She said but didn’t seem thrilled.

He was in awe. She was already something more than that damn spoiled brat. She didn’t wear anything special like the maids did. In fact they were more like commoner's clothes than anything.

“You don’t look like you belong here.” He blurted out and she scoffed.

“I beg your pardon.” She crossed her arms. She was used to Princess insulting her any chance she got but it would be a cold day in hell before she would allow someone else to do so. “Do you not think I could possibly be the royal teacher?” He felt her words like a threat.

“No it’s just, this is a high piece of literature.”

“It’s a simple book really.”

Oh. So she could read. Read well.

“Well yes but-”

“But nothing.” her words were like ice as she grabbed the books from his hands. Blossom looked at his badge. “I am so sorry I didn’t realize that you were a man of importance.” She sounded bitter. “I shouldn’t keep you. I wouldn't want the princess knowing that a peasant interrupted time with her boy toy.”

She turned and stomped off. Even as the pout sprouted onto her face she looked, dare he say stunning? The sophistication and elegance rivaled that of Princess and even though she had just destroyed his ego for a good few moments, he never felt more alive and thrilled. A woman standing up to his level when everyone was beneath him? Never heard of before but this new piece that has entered his game, he was loving every second of it.

He turned on his heel and found his way back to the group. He wasn’t here for the crown anymore.

-- Sometimes she wondered what would happen if she just left. Run away from this village and go see the world. Of course that's what her sister did. Kinda. She was a captain of one of the kingdom's ships, basically her job was to travel and trade with other places, she liked to call herself a pirate. Blossom gave up trying to change her mind.

She could join her sister but she hated ships anyways. Plus Buttercup had gotten hitched last year to some random guy she met at a port stop, Blossom had met him once before and thought she was crazy for marrying someone. But after a delightful five minute conversation, she decided that he was best for her. If anyone could handle her rebellious lifestyle and the seven seas, then he must be good.

She was thankful that today would be her last day with Princess, well until the next week, but she could catch up on reading and maybe take her students to the docks or the forest for a lesson. Her mind was wandering to far off places and before she knew it, she was entering the library.

She furrowed her brow as she noticed the chairs arranged facing her table. She dismissed whatever thought that was and began to set up Princess’s test as promised. She had pictures, drawn by Bubbles of course, and she placed them on the table.

“This should be easy.” And soon the doors opened. Blossoms eyes widened as the Princess walked in with that snobbish strut as a group of men followed behind. “Oh no.” Blossom whispered to herself. She agreed to test Princess, not the entire population of suitors.

“And this woman right here is my teacher. She's a poor peasant girl so ignore her scrap of clothing.” The room erupted in laughter as Princess’s annoying voice trailed through her ears. Princess was already testing her patience, who makes fun of someone with less money? An awful person that's who.

Blossom bit her tongue as Princess took her seat. The rows of men were now staring at them, whispering. She let her eyes rake over the small crowd when her eyes landed on a familiar pair. The man she hit with the door. She completely forgot that he was here for marriage purposes. Blossom shook her head and slammed a book shut, capturing everyone's attention.

If Princess wanted to be a bigger brat than usual, fine, she could play that game.

“Alright your majesty, are you ready for your test.” Blossom turned towards the group of men. “You see I believe it is important that a leader understands even the simplest things about other countries, especially the ones that could be potential partners. So this fine lad is incredibly bright so her test is simple. I laid our pictures of fabrics from many different places, some even from your own kingdoms. I have no doubt that she can match all twenty five.” She turned on her heel towards the princess who looked angry, good.

“You said five!” Her tone laced with fire.

Blossom was one good actress. She paused and took a step back, masking her voice. “Yes five for a warm up but you my soon queen, you must be able to name all of them right? I did teach you them after all.” She smirked. “But if you can't, that's okay, why don’t we do your five and the rest of these fine gentlemen can finish, after all, a leader should know these things.” If they wanted to be rude, then a challenge they must complete.

“Princess go ahead and match five and then will have the rest join.” She looked at the men. Scared looks were on their faces except for one, door man. He seemed relaxed and had a poker face on.

Princess huffed and walked up to the table. She recognized a few of the easy ones and placed them. Blossom watched as her hands shook and she looked up at her as she placed one down. Blossom saw she was moving to the wrong one and decided to play nice.

“Emerald kingdom is the same as the jewel.” She whispered and the princess moved the name towards the green one. She took a step back and smiled proudly.

“See easy peasy.” And she returned to her seat.

Blossom clasped her hands together. “Alright then, if any of you would like to try go for it, but if not, then you may be excused.”

None of the men stood and Blossom's polite smile fell. “Very well-” She watched as the door man, she should learn his name, stood and walked over.

“Quite a shame you could only name five your highness.” He said towards the princess who was now staring at him with a gaping mouth. Blossom raised her brows as she could not believe he would disrespect her like that. He quickly took the names and placed them in record time before their matching pictures.

He turned to see Blossom watching him. Her eyes held this twinkled that he couldn’t quite place and he made sure to switch two of the names last minute.

“Care to check my work Miss…”

“Blossom.” She finished and walked over to him. She stood next to him and looked over the table. She could feel his stare but unlike the others, she didn’t feel small or meak. She smiled softly as she picked up two of them.

“Very impressive but Camilla has velvet and Widows Valley has ivory silk.” Her eyes met his. She almost let out a gasp as she stared at a breathtaking deep red. She had never seen such enchanting eyes before.

“Silk like a spider. Forgive me for my mistake.” He took her hand and placed a delicate kiss to the top of her hand. She felt the flames rush to her cheeks and heard a gasp come from Princes mouth.

Her eyes shot open and she took her hand away fast and returned to her teacherly poise. “Yes well that is alright but very good. Princess you should learn something and apply yourself more, I'm not going to tell you again but a promise is a promise so i will be seeing you next week for your next lesson.” She quickly walked to the other table and grabbed her bag and shoved everything in it.

She knew the princess was going to throw a fit. How could he treat her like that? In front of Princess nonetheless. She was thankful to hear the sound of feet exiting. Someone had come up behind her and whispered in her ear.

“You’ll be lucky if you make next week you meddling whore.” Princess sneered and Blossom turned around to yell at her but the group of men were waiting by the door just watching to see the peasant girl slip up.

“I have no interest in your games Princess, maybe if you tried harder, you wouldn’t have to rely on your crown or body.” She could play dirty and the princess turned with a scoff.

“No man would ever love a woman like you, even if you can read, you are no prize.” She stomped off and let Blossom with a clenched jaw and matching fists.

The door slammed shut and now she was alone. “Stupid bitch.” She sneered. She rarely used foul language but in times like theses, she allowed it.

“She sure is.” Blossom dropped her book and her head snapped left.

Brick was still standing here as if he never moved but she swore she saw him leave. “I-I would never-” He held his hand up.

“I see the way she treats you Miss Blossom, it's okay to curse out the villain. And my apologies for causing such a scene.” He said bluntly.

“Somehow I don’t believe you.” She narrowed her eyes. “You seem like you know what you’re doing, no matter the consequences.”

He bit back a laugh and moved closer to her. “Oh I am. I have no interest with that spoiled girl. Not one maiden has ever impressed me enough to care.”

“How insightful.”

“That is until you.” he smirked and she felt her cheeks flush for the hundred times. He was showing his arrogant side. The one many girls fawned over because they mistook it for a form of lust but it rubbed Blossom the wrong way.

“Me correcting your simple mistake is not very impressive.”

“Who said I made the mistake? I know very well that Widows Peak is silk, that is my home base after all.” he stepped closer until he leaned on the desk with his arm. He peered down at her, almost like a challenge but she stood strong.

“Well unfortunately, I’ve never met a man who could qualify my own standards.”

“Never?” he leaned closer but she refused to give up. Their noses would touch if he came closer.

“Never.” She stated and they were now in a showdown. Red to pink. Pink to red. Never had the other met a more worthy opponent.

“Well Miss Blossom, I think that I should prove you wrong with a date.”

“No thank you.” He blinked. Wait what?

“Excuse me? Do you know-”

“No I don’t and I simply do not care.” She snapped.

Blossom went back to her bag. “Like I told Princess, I have no interest in any of these men. Especially not ones who would stand by and let another belittle another. No thank you, i am quite happy on my own but there are a bunch of other fine maidens who would probably love your company.” She passed him and he grabbed her arm and spun her around, dipping her. The bright red ribbon holding her hair into a fine bun had unraveled and now fell to a long ponytail. 

A small scream let her lips as she was now being held by her waist over the ground. “What are you.” Her eyes darkened.

“Brick. Call me Brick, none of that sir or lord crap either.” He brought her closer smoothly. His smile was large and his eyes narrowed as her cheeks puffed out and she looked a little angry. “You did hit me with a door and I don’t think the royal pain in the ass would appreciate it if she knew. So Miss Blossom, would you accompany me to the ball on Friday?”

No. no. no. no. Princess would kill her. Absolutely murder her with a strand of pearls. She could lose her job, her livelihood. The rumors she could spread. She would destroy her reputation for sure. Her mind was screaming telling her to push him away and tell him to go bother another lady.

“Fine but I demand to be wooed.” she spat and he smiled and returned her to the upright position. She felt flustered and in shock but also introduced. No one had ever dipped her or held her so gently.

“Oh you shall be wooed M’lady.” He winked and turned away to walk out the door.

She let out the breath she was holding when he was finally gone and pulled out her fan. “He is the...worst.” But she didn’t fully believe it. ---- Wednesday found herself in the school yard with her students. She was ecstatic to now have a bunch of little girls added to this year's class. After convincing many mothers that their daughters' futures could be brighter with some knowledge, they happily agreed. She was thankful that her own father taught her the basics and she tried to teach Bubbles and Buttercup how to read and write but you could only keep them interested before a pretty dress or a sailboat distracted them.

“Bye bye Miss Blossom!” Her students waved as they left the yard to return home. She loved and adored her students. Their bright minds and curious thoughts, she could never get sick of them and they were much better students than Princess ever was.

“Miss Blossom there is a fancy man in the classroom.” Robin's small hand clung to her dress.

“Fancy man?” She whispered to herself before sending Robin off towards her mother. She entered the room to find Brick leaning against her desk.

“May i help you?” She asked with her arms crossed. “I do believe Friday is the meeting time.”

He shrugged and handed her an arrangement of flowers. Her mouth fell open as she gazed at them. They were wrapped with a ribbon of fine quality, and was probably worth more than her own outfit.

“I am well aware of that but I never said i wouldn’t see you before.” he glanced at the flowers then back at her. “Have you never received flowers before.” he asked like it was a dumb question.

“Oh no.” She took them carefully and placed them in the vase that held a few flowers her students had picked, and they were dying.

“I'm genuinely surprised that men aren’t knocking on the door for your hand.”

He saw her eyes dull. “Not too many men are keen on a lady being smarter and taller than them.” She shrugged and for some reason that made him mad. She was a beautiful woman no doubt, her beauty could be that of a princess but she didn’t have that royal aura about her. No she was better but didn’t know it.

“A man threatened by a lady is no man at all. If he can not see that then he deserves nothing.”

She took in his words. Maybe this was his way of apologizing without out damaging his pride, she would probably do the same thing but she wouldn’t let him off so easily.

She hummed. “So Brick just the flowers or are you going to actually impress me?” She matched his cocky attitude and it has been a long time, or the first since he had ever felt frazzled by a woman. He was used to catching him off guard but even by her everything nice charm and sophisticated posture, he was certain that she would be the death of him.

Even though he had just met her, he was certain they were made for each other. Butch would kill him if he every said that out loud though. He smiled before taking her hand. “Then prepared to be impressed.”

--

I hope you enjoy and part 2 shall be up tomorrow 

[sirenballad]

about lilly

i love to talk which means buckle up

so we all know people fucking hated lilly more than anything in season 1. people probably hated her more than the stranger. i know exactly why that is- hint, its definitely for most because shes a woman! she was a very very fierce and also angry character and as we all know, women are not allowed to be women- we dont get “likable asshole” women because when women are “likable assholes” theyre called bitches. even so, lilly was a very well written well rounded(?) woman character whio was ANGRY. she was EMOTIONAL. she did not agree with other people. she picked fights because of how she wanted to protect the group- yes, PROTECT IT. everything that woman ever did in season 1 was for her group. 

she got angry when glen and carley went out to help lee, which was obviously great! but she had a fucking reason for the way she reacted. when she wanted to go to the dairy, it was to try and GET SUPPLIES. FOR THE GROUP. she even wanted kenny to keep his suspicions on the down low, BECAUSE YES IT WOULD HAVE RUINED HER CHANCES TO GET FOOD FOR THE GROUP. yes, kenny also had them in mind when he wanted to snoop! but the point is that she was also trying to protect them. just like kenny. just like lee.

her act of shooting at ben and unintentionally hitting doug was even to protect the group- IT WAS TWISTED AND HORRIBLE. but she thought that was what it took. with carley, im sure she did believe to a degree that carley was collaborating with ben from how she defended him. but lilly still was very wrong and fucked up for what she did. her goals were always always to keep the group safe, and those didn’t falter even after larry died and she was living with the man or determinantly MEN who killed her dad when in her mind, he was still alive. and fuck man maybe he was. when you choose to help her, larry starts to mutter and maybe be breathign again. if it was in fact that he was dead and yes she was denying it, i just want to point out kenny denied duck was bitten and dying up until you either talk or smack sense into him. he does exactly what lilly did. and the concept of “oh well they were trapped in the meatlocker” yes! correct! but to that sense, they were confined in a train cart. and if you fail to convince kenny, you walk back to the train cart to duck having turned and literally killed everyone in the cart.

lilly was fucked up. she had flaws. she did things wrong. but in case you forgot, so did and DOES literally everyone else. kenny. even fuckin lee in a sense. people in season 2 and 3. AND THATS WHERE IM LEADING UP WITH THIS-

so, as we know, in season 4. lilly is. a fucking villain. and i mean a villain villain. she kidnaps children and under the guise of taking care of them, trains and protects them only to make them fight in a war against a neighboring group. is it wrong to recruit members to make a bigger group? nope! but this is literally kidnapping and detaining kids to make them “fight a war for adults”, a theme for the season. and if they refuse to join, lilly or whoever the fuck is recruiting resorts to killing them or like we see later, raiding the entire fuckign school to kill or take who they can. not to mention killing other kids, forcing a child to kill her own sister, and “”offering protection”” in exchange for the sisters in the first place.

compared to the previous primary villains(st johns, stranger, carver, david) those are. like. weird... ig uess? because like.. her goal is to recruit for her group. but like. if they refuses, she kills them. not even carver went there, going so far as sending out an entire recruiter who shockingly didnt murder the recruits../?? not to mention the literal like, torment and actual brainwashing they go through while being recruited. like the goal is THERE, the motive she has is REAL- but its poorly executed, and she’s literally just a crazy ass child murderer. shes not likable, and throughout the fandom, all ive seen that changed by season 4 is that now lilly fans like myself are just more upset that she was literally written as a whole new character, and now people have like angst material when writing things that involve lilly as an antagonist(which might sound rude or insulting but its not meant to come off that way fdfds)

so overall, lot of words but i love to talk- the point is, she wasn’t even that great of a villain. im not pretending ive even watched most of season 4 yet, but it doesnt even seem like she as an apparently dedicated-to-her-group person, is very dedicated to her group. she doesnt even seem to like abel and i dont know that ive heard of or seen any real interaction between her and her group members. shes literally just...there to be a villain. and a very shittily written one at that. she was really just evil and cruel. she wasn’t human in her reasons and motivations.

could eight years be enough for that change? i dont know. i dont think it makes sense. i dont think she was written with the love that season 1 writers had for her, and frankly i dont think we’ve seen that kind of love for every character, villain or no, since season 1. at the end of the day, it would have just been nice to even sort of like her as a character. not as lilly not as a villain or anything over the top- just like her. like no one is going to tell aj not to shoot her. like frankly telltale failed to make their choices not be tilted in one way more than the other once again,.

thats all folks

[teenwolftuesdaytrash]

Naps are nature’s way of reminding you that life is nice

Melissa tries to keep Derek at ease, gives him all the updates on his and his baby’s health like it was just another check-up. But Derek cuts right through her niceties.

“It’s not what you think.”

He’s lying on his side, one arm pinned on the bed, hand cupping his underbelly, the other, the one with an IV drip dangling off it, wrapped around his baby bump as if shielding it.

“What did you think I was thinking, Derek?”

Head bent down and away from her, from the world it looks like, Derek throws the doctor a quick glance.

“Stiles gave me a choice, back when we were just starting all of this. He would have supported me either way.”

Melissa puts the patient chart away and comes closer to the omega. “It’s normal to change your mind. Especially for someone in your position.” Young, unmated, barely graduated. The omega ob-gyn has seen it one too many times.

Derek shakes his head, runs a hand over the arc of his belly, relishing the feel of it, a quiet sigh escaping his lips. “I want this baby. We wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

“Then why? Why didn’t you say anything?” Melissa pressed, making an effort to keep her voice light, soothing.

Raised voices ring through the air from behind the door. It sounds like Laura, Talia, John and Stiles are breaking into another argument in the hospital hallway.

Derek doesn’t even flinch or turn towards the yelling.

“They’re always like that,” he tells Melissa, speaking over the noise, tone resigned and worn. “Ever since we found out about the pregnancy, everyone’s been fighting all the time. Everyone. Always.”

Tired eyes gazing on his own hand stroking circles on his belly, Derek goes on. “My family never really liked Stiles, especially Mom and Laura. They think he isn’t good enough for me. They actually told me Stiles was bad for me and that he would ruin my future.”

“Can you imagine? With this baby...that’s the kind of family I’m trapping Stiles into, one that hates him and treats him like-”

The baby flutters inside him, and Derek reminds himself to breathe.

“Stiles said he could do it, that it didn’t matter how my family treated him, he was going to stay with me because he loves me and the baby, and that’s what matters. That’s what’s important.”

“But that can only last for so long, right?” Pained eyes turn to Melissa and the lost, confused look of them breaks her heart. “Sooner or later he’ll get tired, he’ll regret choosing me, he’ll regret keeping our baby.”

“And everyone, even the Sheriff, they’re all putting the blame on Stiles. But I was the one-” Derek’s voice breaks, he tries to swallow past the lump in his throat but for the first time in a long time someone was asking him, paying attention to him, listening to him.

For the first time in a long time, he was being heard. So he lets it all out.  

“I was the one who was careless. I was the one who missed my shot. It’s my fault.” A whimper escapes him, his bottom lip uncontrollably trembling. He runs a shaking hand down his stomach, the baby inside still alive and thriving, thankfully stronger than Derek’s own weak will.

Quietly, Derek continues, “Stiles isn’t ruining my life.” He confesses, “I’m ruining his.”

Melissa looks on with growing concern as the distressed omega curls further in on himself and his belly, his body shaking with choked sobs.

In Derek’s head, the same dilemma that’s been plaguing him since revealing the pregnancy continues its vicious cycle.

I love my family. My family hates Stiles. I love Stiles. Stiles is my family now, too. He always will be. I love my family. My family hates Stiles. And on and on it went, until Derek cried himself to sleep again.

Stiles takes Derek’s cold hand in his and leans over to kiss the back of it.

He stays like that, bent over the hospital bed, watching Derek sleep with his lips still pressed on the omega’s cold skin when he catches Melissa and his Dad at his periphery.

He gives Derek’s hand one more kiss and reaches over to push away the stray hairs on his face. That face which was supposed to be glowing and happy, not sickly pale from stress and heartache.

Stiles talks to stop himself from crying again.

“When we started talking about building our own family, Derek would always be so excited about the prospect of having kids,” he can’t help but smile at the memory, Derek sated and sappy, snuggled into his arms, the pair of them cozy in their unmade bed.

“He loved the idea of it you know, of carrying a little Stilinski-Hale in there, of being spoiled rotten cause he’d always guessed we’d be the first to give Talia a grandchild, which of course would also be your first grandchild.” Stiles says, throwing a subdued smile at his dad.

“He’d tease me about how much of a horrible overprotective alpha I’d be, and how he would just laugh at me for being such an outdated stereotype.”

What an image. Derek beautifully heavy with their child, laughing carefree and light-hearted. Unburdened. Healthy. Thriving.

Stiles caressed Derek’s cheek, more hollowed out and sallow than he’s ever seen it. How didn’t I notice?

“I can’t even remember the last time I saw him smile.”

How the fuck didn’t I notice?

- The day before -

Stiles remembered coming into the room worrying about Derek sleeping through dinner. He remembered that hint of a weird, rusty smell greeting him upon opening the door, the way it made unease rise in the pit of his stomach, his instincts immediately yelling at him something’s wrong, something’s wrong, something’s wrong.

He remembered reaching out to Derek, calling the omega’s name and shaking him a little. When Derek, usually a light sleeper, remained stubbornly asleep, Stiles sat on the bed to try and wake the omega up harder.

He leaned his hand on that mattress and then...an awful, wet squelch.

Stiles remembered turning on the lights, still in denial, distracting himself with the thought that ‘Oh Derek must’ve wet the bed, he’s going to be so embarrassed but it’s going to be fine, I’ll fix the bed and it’s going to be fine.’ Then he turned around.

And there Derek was. Lying on the bed, on his side, curled away from the door, blood, so. much. blood. surrounding him from the waist down.

Stiles remembered the rest, but in a much vaguer sense.

He remembered calling out Derek’s name in shock. He remembered turning Derek’s body, and seeing the blood on Derek’s hands, on his own hands. He remembered calling for help.

“Cora!” he roared, “Call 911!”

“What?” Cora yelled back at him.

The door slammed open as he tried to pull Derek in his arms. “I said call 911!”

Cora might have screamed then. She might’ve cursed, might’ve cried. Stiles can’t really remember. All he knew was he held Derek in his arms, still trying to wake him, trying to tell him, I’ve got you. I’m here.

It’s going to be okay.

We’re going to be okay.

- A few hours before -

It was a rare moment of calm in the Hale manor, temporarily also the Hale-Stilinski warzone. Talia, Sebastian and Laura were out on a grocery run, the Sheriff was still on shift, and Peter was off god knows where.

It was just Cora and Stiles inside the house, Derek decidedly staying out of their way, choosing to sit alone in the back porch. The chill from the air was easier to deal with than the chill between his mate-to-be and his little sister.

Ever since they announced their unexpected but very much wanted pregnancy, this has been their set-up. Derek’s parents insisted that him and Stiles get mated so their child would at least not be ‘a bastard in the eyes of the law, I know you don’t care about what people say but think about the legal repercussions for your kid in the future!’

To appease his parents and to earn some much-needed brownie points with Talia, Stiles went along with it. Even with Talia’s condition that they stay in the Hale house for the duration of Derek’s pregnancy. ‘God knows what sort of food you boys eat up there. This way, we can make sure you get the right nutrition and check-ups. Besides, I’m sure Stiles would be alright with shifting to online courses.’

The ‘since he was the one who knocked you up’ unspoken but heavily implied.

It was fine, in the beginning. Stiles would just deflect and swallow down whatever thinly veiled insult Derek’s mother, sisters, or uncle had for him. Derek would apologize for them whenever they got the chance to be alone, and Stiles would just smile and brush it off, the young alpha desperate to make it work with his omega’s family.

Then one night, the Sheriff came by to have dinner with the Hales and check on his son.

John has always been a mild mannered man for as long as Derek’s known him. Usually kept to himself, made snarky jokes like his son, and was never easily triggered. But Derek guessed things, or rather people really do become different once they become parents, because the moment Talia threw in her first not-insult of the night, John was quick to call her out.

Then it all just snowballed from there. Voices were raised, words were said. Even Stiles jumped into the fray to defend his father. Ever since then, it was either World War III or the Cold War in the Hale house.

Now the Sheriff dropped by as often as he could, as in whenever he wasn’t on shift. He claimed it was just to say hi to his boys and his future grandchild, but Derek knew.  It was to make sure his son had someone on his side, someone more than a vulnerable pregnant omega.  

Derek looked out into the preserve, sighing. It’s always going to be like this, he thought to himself. The fights, the shouting, the tense silences, the outright contempt.

Derek can’t remember the last time somebody talked to him without the agenda of making the other party look bad. He can’t remember the last time he sat with his family, his entire family including Stiles and John, and they all just enjoyed each other’s company. Without him having to sit in the background, feeling helpless as he watched the people he loved yell and point at each other.

Sitting out there in the cold was the first time in a long time that Derek got a moment of peace to himself. A quiet where no one was shouting, ranting, or arguing. In that quiet, Derek could actually hear himself think.

Everyone’s going to be miserable, he contemplated, always. All because of my mistake.

This whole mess started because of him. It endured because of him. Because Stiles loves him, because his family loves him, because he loves his baby.

He looked down, ran his hand over the curve of his burgeoning belly and cradled it with a sad smile.

No one’s really happy with us here, baby. He felt flutters on the spot under his hand making him huff a quiet laugh. Yeah, everyone would be better off if we just fluttered away.

And the universe seemed to agree with him. It actually seemed to be giving Derek a hand.

“Mm-” Derek bit down on his lip as that familiar twinge on his back returned. It’s been bugging him since yesterday. With the cramps he didn’t sleep through the night before and the wetness he felt between his legs, he was pretty sure what was happening.

And he wasn’t going to stop it.  

Instead, he breathed, waiting for the ache to pass before he hauled himself up. He turned around and there, right where he was sitting down, Derek saw a spot of red on the patio armchair’s faded blue cushion.

They’d barely notice, he thought morosely.

“C’mon baby, let’s go to sleep.”

Derek passed Cora in the kitchen with no problem, his little sister too busy hunting for snacks in the fridge to pay him any mind.

It’s Stiles that catches him just before he gets to the stairs.

“Hey,” his alpha greeted while pulling him in in a loose embrace. Amber eyes look over him as Stiles brows furrow with worry, “You okay? You look a little pale.”

Derek placated him with a smile. “Yeah.” Don’t tell him. “Just a little tired.” Don’t worry him. “I think I’m gonna go for a nap.” It’s for the best.

“Alright. But call me if you need anything, okay?”

Derek nodded, he leaned over for one last kiss with his alpha- 

Then he was pulling away.

He shut the door and right on cue fire crawled from his back and wrapped all around his belly. It knocked the wind out of him, almost sending him to his knees. Derek struggled to make his way to the bed.

It’s okay, baby. He thought, trying to soothe the little one inside him, I’m right here with you, it’s okay.

He laid down on his side, held onto his belly as more cramps came. It hurt. It hurt so bad he had to turn his face to the pillow under him to muffle the whines of pain.

I’ve got you, baby.

Derek felt his body balk and tremble at the strength of the contractions taking over him. He bit his lips until he tasted blood just so he won’t make any noise to alert his alpha and sister.

On and on the pain came in waves, and Derek rode them out never making a sound.

Papa’s right here with you. Just us two.

Until the pain was gone.

Your Daddy loves you.

Until Derek was at ease in the silence.

Papa’s right here with you.

- The present -

Derek opens his eyes, and there Stiles is, his beautiful, doe-eyed, mole-dotted alpha holding his hand, kissing the inside of his wrist, whispering sweet nothings to his skin.

Derek moves a finger, and those big amber eyes focus on him.

Melissa’s words echo in Stiles’ head as he stares at Derek, now awake. The doctor said things like depression, hormones, high cortisol levels, complications, and, perhaps Stiles’ favorite, “End this stupid family feud before you kill my patients, or so help me god.”

Looking at Derek looking back at him, seeing those hazel eyes, really seeing them for the first time in a long time, recognising the hesitance in them, the fear, it dawns on Stiles just how much he absolutely cannot disregard Melissa’s words at all.

Tightening his hold on Derek’s hand, the young alpha chooses his next few words wisely.

He could say a million things to Derek. He could ask the omega why. He could ask him what did he do wrong as an alpha to make Derek try to leave him like that. He could tell Derek how much it hurt him, absolutely terrified him to his core seeing Derek bathed in his own blood, in their baby’s blood. He could tell Derek how that image will be giving him nightmares ‘til the day he dies. He could tell Derek he’s sorry.

But Stiles has been selfish enough. Stiles has lost track of what’s really important for long enough. What they need in that moment isn’t guilt tripping or tear-filled yelling.

They need a fresh start.

And fresh starts began with the most asinine thing. So Stiles goes with that.

He tightens his hold on Derek’s hand, gathers every ounce of strength left in his body, and smiles. There are dark circles under his eyes, Derek’s dried blood still caked under his fingernails, and his hair was a knotted, twisted mess, but he’s smiling at Derek and he means it.

He takes a deep breath and says, “Hey. “

“Hey,” Derek answers back, voice small, shaky, his own tentative smile in place. Stiles blinks and Derek’s smile drops. Suddenly those hazel eyes are darting away. “I’m sorry,” Derek begins to say, but Stiles cuts him off.

“No,” he emphasises, his other hand delicately cupping Derek’s cheek, getting Derek to keep looking at him, “You do not apologize, okay?”

Derek bites his lip and says nothing, but his eyes convey confusion and shame. Stiles shakes his head that.

“No, Derek. Don’t. We were the dumbasses, okay?” Stiles gaze softens, turns beseeching. “Don’t put this on you.”

“I should have just said something,” Derek insists. Stiles shakes his head at that.

“This is on us, okay? We were the ones who got stuck so far up our asses, we forgot about the two people that brought us all together in the first place. So this is completely on us, okay?”  

Derek doesn’t say anything, but Stiles can read that silence. Distrust. Disbelief.

“We’re going to change, though,” the omega turns a skeptical brow at that. “We are! Your mom and my dad are actually talking like decent, civil adults right now, outside. Talia agreed that maybe it’s best if you lived with us for awhile, less people in the house, less stress. In exchange, Dad begrudgingly agreed to having Talia send someone over to child proof every nook and cranny of le Casa de Stilinski.”

Derek snorts, an indelicate sound that gives Stiles so much joy. “How’d that conversation go?” the omega wonders.

Stiles smirks, remembering the negotiation between the two older alphas. “Like pulling teeth,” he admits.

They both chuckle at that, picturing their parents having something close to a Mexican standoff in a hospital hallway.  

After a moment, the laughter dies down, and the two young men are left looking at each other. They both look exhausted, like they need a thousand years sleep, but there’s a soft smile now on Derek’s face, one that Stiles feels painted on his own.

Stiles strokes the back of his finger to Derek’s cheek. “We’re gonna be okay.”

Derek breathes a sigh of relief. “Yeah.”

The omega takes his alpha’s hand, the one still holding his, and places it on the side of his belly, where the flutters are. “Somebody’s awake.”

“She’s moving?!” Stiles exclaims, excited.

Derek’s smile only grows, “Just little flutters, like bubbles in my belly. And it might still be a boy, you know.”

Stiles then proceeds to babble at his stomach, telling the baby all the reasons why it’d be more awesome if they were a girl. And then proceeding to babble how much Stiles would love a boy, just as well.

Yeah, Derek thought, watching his alpha croon sweetly at his belly, They’re going to be just perfect.

[candyclan]

Coming out letter to my mom. (FTM) At the start of my transition, I wanted to go by a name that started with an “A”because my birthname did. All the rest of it is basically the same.

THE TRUTH:

I didn’t scream “I am a boy” at my parents. Honestly, my mother (specifically) controlled a lot of what I did, who I hung out with, and what I wore as a child. I believe she has/had an idea about what she wanted out of a daughter since I was born, and really just lived through me. I think she eventually had to give me room to make my own decisions, later in life. I didn’t come out until I was 16, although I had spent 6 months prior to even coming out thinking about my gender identity. I was extremely sheltered. I want you guys to know that I didn’t know what being transgender was until I was a freshman in high school and met my best friend (who is STILL MY BEST FRIEND TODAY) who identified as Non-binary gender fluid. I had never really met someone AFAB that lived to be anything other than female. With that came the knowledge that sometimes, men don’t necessarily have to have penises and I can wear whatever I’m comfortable with. I used to be religious in middle school (raised Christian) but I never found god. It never made sense to me how so many people can put their faith in other people’s ideas of what god is (the Bible) but not listen when their real CHILD comes to them and tells them that they feel uncomfortable in their gender identity. I also came out as bisexual in middle school, after meeting a girl I had a fancy for. To which my mother sobbed and cried and asked how she had failed as a parent. I remember loving pink, it was my favorite color. Pink, purple, blue. My top 3. Now it’s blue, pink, purple but basically the same. I had a pink room, loved hello kitty, let my mom curl my hair with little curlers at night so I could wake up and be somebody different the next day. My brother played with carebears and my Barbie dolls more than I did as a child. I remember a toy gun and handcuffs. I was fairly experimental as a child, I did: Girl Scouts, swimming, piano, soccer, ballet, cheerleading, and more honestly. I always got “boy” toys at McDonald’s (I mean cmon they’re cooler) I just was kinda everywhere. I feel like that’s easier for someone AFAB to be. My brother was harassed by my family for liking girly things but I was never shown that I couldn’t like stereotypical “boy things” by extended family. My mother however in the line at McDonalds I could never forget, turned and looked at me (baseball cap backwards tank top and shorts)and said “So, what?” “Are you batting for the other team” implying that because of the clothes I liked to wear I would be a lesbian. My mother (like I said, kinda controlling and extremely narcissistic) when I was allowed to cut my hair super short for the first time I was 16. Afterwards she has said things like: “but you’re so pretty how could you have cut your hair” “you looked so nice with long hair” I never felt akin to femininity. I was actually VERY uncomfortable with it. I hated being the “weaker” gender. I never wanted my nails painted. It was torture. I acted like makeup and and nail polish was torture, the hairbrush was my enemy. I used to just put my hair up in a low ponytail every day as I got older. I knew she’d never let me cut it all off. Basically, other than wanting to grow up strong and tough and not liking to be treated like a female, I was female. There were parts of being female I didn’t really have a problem with, and honestly that’s why I didn’t come out for so long. I wasn’t in a house or raised by people I knew would accept anything other than me being their “little girl” I was a daddies girl. So between my lack of understanding of where my feelings towards my gender roles were coming from, being encouraged by my family to be girly, not being exposed to gender diversity (or anything queer), and my controlling mother, I remained in the dark about who I was.

TRIGGER WARNING:::(abuse)::::: I was never close with my mother, and actually hated her growing up. To this day she is the most judge mental, self-centered woman I know. My father was funny, charismatic, and lost his shit sometimes. I like to say, 90% of the time he was amazing. We made jokes and could literally finish each other’s sentences. But honestly my father, 10% of the time was abusive. Most of my abuse in my life was covert (narcissistic abuse from my mother) and verbal/emotional/barely physical abuse from my father. He’s 6”3’ 350 lbs and very loud and scary, especially to a young child. He punched a hole in my wall, he threw a remote at a wall and shattered it to pieces, he threatened to kill my dog with a baseball bat in front of me. Which I swear to god he would have done if I wasn’t holding my dog, protecting him. These moments were few and far between, but they were riddled with insults and almost always left me with less than I started with. My father did spank my brother and I, and one time he clapped my brother so well that he left a purple hand mark on his butt. My mother told my father she’d take us away if that happened again. My father never left marks. He never had to, he was so big and would just get up in my face and scream at me. He made me feel helpless. Because he was invading my space I felt physically threatened, and he never actually had to touch me and leave bruises because that threat was already implied by invading my space. I was so young, but I always knew my family wasn’t right. Finally at 16, I stood up to my father for the first time. I didn’t care if he was bigger than me, I didn’t care if I would lose, I was willing to fight for me. Anyway, long story short the police were called because we were screaming at each other in front of his apartment building. I’m not going to say I didn’t fuck up as a teenager, but I never deserved the pressure and the abuse he was dishing out and had dished out my whole life. I knew that. I cut him out of my life just after turning 16, by then I had been questioning my identity. It became easier after leaving my father to fall into who I was. My father is FAIRLY religious and my mother claims to be but she never talks about god, she never prays, and now that my father and her are divorced I don’t think she’s been inside a church since. Losing my father was a lot, despite his abuse he and I were really close and had really similar personalities. The reality of abuse isn’t “well, now I see them as an abuser so now none of that good stuff is left it’s all tainted” I had to struggle with losing someone very important in my life at a young age, for myself.

Arguments against me being trans:

My family has been a bit divided in responding to me coming out. By now, it’s been about 4 years.

My mother and her side of the family are in denial. They don’t understand how I can’t be a “lesbian that just likes boy things”. They don’t use my name or pronouns.

My father, what little communication I have with him now, is bewildered. He and I had a discussion this past Christmas where I brought up what his abuse did to me mentally and he apologized but then tried to say “well what about your part in all of this” and said that I was hanging out with crazy depressed people, cutting myself, doing drugs, (I was smoking weed and I’ve tried acid like once piss off) and was sneaking out. Yeah. I did do all of that BUT GUESS WHAT. IM 20. I go where I wanna go. I fuck who I wanna fuck. I smoke what I want and guess what? It’s not any different from when I was 16 except now I don’t have parents up my ass telling me what to do. His argument basically was that I need to own up to what I did too and that fucking angered me. You don’t apologize and then go “well what about you” that’s not an apology. That’s deflection and honestly I don’t think I need to apologize because my parents were super controlling. I was just trying to do what I wanted and they didn’t like it. He and I have talked about me being trans and he pretty much thinks I’m certifiable. Doesn’t use my name or pronouns.

My brother: Ethan, my brother and I have always been close. He’s 17 now, and he had a different reaction to me being trans. Of all of my family he was the most receptive to my pleas of gender dysphoria and he suffers with anxiety so he gets stuff. But alas, after asking him if he’d call me by my name and pronouns (after 4 years of being out) he thinks that I am the one that has an issue with society. I told him I was starting T soon and he said: “Hrt won’t lessen all the things that come with being transgender. If you feel like doing hormones is the best for you then do it, but from a logical standpoint I think there just needs to be more thickening of skin” he claimes that if I try hard enough I could be fine living as female. Doesn’t use my name or pronouns.

None of my family supports me. None of my family understands. And none of them ever will. I have been out for four fucking years. I can’t tell you how frustrating family rejection can be. I have cried so much at the idea of not having a supportive family. I feel like I was ripped away from a beautiful life somewhere and thrust into this mess.

Honestly though, it doesn’t matter, the world keeps spinning and I keep finding people who love and accept me for who I truly am. I have made peace with my family’s lack of acceptance. It’s made me stronger and more compassionate towards others. Made me want to be better than them. I am actually going to start hormones soon, and on top of other fears I have, will be cutting my family out of my life. I can’t be 25 with a full beard and getting misgendered by my family. I can’t do it. They may feel like I’m going too far, that I don’t have to do this, but I do. I’m not doing this because I didn’t get too much attention as a kid or my mom favored my brother over me, I’m not doing this because it’s cool, I’m not doing this because I’m bored, I’m not doing this because I hate myself or anyone else. This is AFFIRMATION. Sometimes, cutting people who can’t see you for who your really are out of your life is affirming too.

Guys, girls, people, keep your head up. Things get better, I know. I thought life was never going to get better so I know that’s what it can feel like. But it does. Never ever let someone control your life or who you are. You’re beautiful/handsome/amazing! You deserve to be comfortable in your own skin and to love who you are. I am getting there, we all are.

Love,

Tanner M.

[crafiet]

1-50 OC questionnaire !!

ill use ary

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?anyone else paranoid about people stealing their unpublished work or ideas or name bc me. her name is ary and i found it from a generator [lmao so original] and i thought it was cute. her last name is like pretty standard for fantasy and it inspired me to have everyone elses last names in a similar vibe2. Do they have any titles? How did they get them?WELL lmao shes had a lot. prisoner #22876, the wraith, princess ary. ive scrapped all except the prisoner one and u can guess how she got it3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory? she was raised among royals and nobles so she has a lot of good memories with her parents and other kids her age running around doing dumb shit. most of her bad memories happen once she becomes a teenager4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents? she has an overwhelming love for her parents, she idolizes them heavily and is grateful for how much they taught her. a good memory is probably them teaching her how to use magic for the first time and she being unable to control it and almost burning her eyebrows off lmao5. Do they have any siblings? What’s their names? What is their relationship with them? Has their relationship changed since they were kids to adults?no siblings6. What were they like at school? Did they enjoy it? Did they finish? What level of higher education did they reach? What subjects did they enjoy? Which did they hate?tbh i havent thought much about their education system as young kids, since its not really relevant and i dont tend to worldbuild stuff that never shows up. however she did attend an academy specifically for her magic caste and she had a fun time up until some shit went down and she deserted. shes pretty competitive and liked versing her friends7. Did they have lots of friends as a child? Did they keep any of their childhood friends into adulthood? she was one of those weird kids who preferred hanging out with her parents over everybody else. so she had one good friend in the academy whos still her friend today, but otherwise she would race home and annoy her mum lol8. Did they have pets as a child? Do they have pets as an adult? Do they like animals? no pets. she has a soft spot for horses though, because she has had so many in her “career”9. Do animals like them? Do they get on well with animals? horses like her, i guess they can sense shes good with them. at one point in the novel she sees some jackals and is afraid of them so shes probably not a dog person10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do they have or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as a godparent/babysitter/ect?she doesnt have anything against kids, but shes not very good with them, shes never been one for baby talk or dumbing herself down. in one draft she takes care of some adolescents and lets cyri take over bc he loves kids lol11. Do they have any special diet requirements? Are they a vegetarian? Vegan? Have any allergies?nahh12. What is their favourite food? uhhhhhhhhhhhhh13. What is their least favourite food?uhHHHHHH14. Do they have any specific memories of food/a restaurant/meal?man idk, its not like my characters arent well rounded realistic people but im not gonna know her favourite fucking colour bc it doesnt matter in the story lmao15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking?i would say shes ok, she doesnt burn anything but shes not a gourmet chef [despite having lessons as a child]16. Do they collect anything? What do they do with it? Where do they keep it? ohh i used to have an answer for this but she probably doesnt now just bc shes pretty nomadic and usually only has the clothes on her back lmao17. Do they like to take photos? What do they like to take photos of? Selfies? What do they do with their photos?cameras dont exist in her world my dudee. but if she lived in modern day which ive thought of, shed be the type to take a bunch of pics of her friends and stuff she likes bc she likes having the memory in a solid form, her actual memory is shit lol18. What’s their favourite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything elsehmm i suppose shed be a horror fan, and shed love making fun of stupid characters19. What’s their least favourite genres?man idk. romance? shes kinda #2edgy4me20. Do they like musicals? Music in general? What do they do when they’re favourite song comes?hmm i think shes more a soft music fan, just something idly playing in the background. ex. a bard playing something for the crowd while she kicks back w friends21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?she has a short temper. shes easily triggered with any emotion so shes quick to argue or whatever22. What are their favourite insults to use? What do they insult people for? Or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back?id like to think shes witty, and she always says stuff to peoples faces bc a bitch has rabies and wants to fight apparently23. Do they have a good memory? Short term or long term? Are they good with names? Or faces?bad memory, shes gone through physical torture and isolation [wew] so. shes better at names, growing up with royals she got to learn a bunch of family names etc24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?a light sleeper. crazy light. and she can sleep anywhere, so she has no problems sleeping on the ground unlike others25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humour? Are they funny themselves?she pretends to be stoic but when u get to know her her humour’s pretty lame, shell laugh at anything if just to make u feel better26. How do they act when they’re happy? Do they sing? Dance? Hum? Or do they hide their emotions? she tends to hide them under an indifferent mask27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like they are sad?despite being able to hide her emotions, she does succumb to fear a lot and cries openly, but will continue to do whatever shes doing through tears so shes scary in that regard28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?abandonment is a huge one. shes not a fan of predatory animals. shes brave though, and will do whatevers necessary, kinda like unwilling exposure therapy lol29. What do they do when they find out someone else’s fear? Do they tease them? Or get very over protective? she doesnt like exploiting people so shell never use someones fear against them. for friends, shell protect them and warn them if something like that is gonna happen30. Do they exercise? Regularly? Or only when forced? What do they act like pre-work out and post-work out?lmao she walks or goes horse riding everywhere and is severely malnourished31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing?i just wrote a scene like this!! shes louder in general, laughs more. her guard comes down more and more with every drink. she can hold her liquor pretty well but when shes blacked out shes pretty much useless32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?she prefers comfort and mobility over everything else. she tends to dress pretty masculine, and never does anything with her hair. does she know what a brush is?33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties?...................ask her lol idk. probably just basic comfy ones34. What is their body type? How tall are they? Do they like their body?she is 5′9. when shes healthy, she has a willowy figure but more on the boxy side than curvy. she doesnt really attribute much to her body [imagine living life without dysmorphia mfg]35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure? i dont she counts anything as a ‘guilty’ pleasure. she just enjoys what she enjoys, fuck whatever people think36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Can they sing?she loves fishing! she used to do it a lot with her dad. i dont think shes a particularly good singer37. Do they like to read? Are they a fast or slow reader? Do they like poetry? Fictional or non fiction?yeah she likes reading. she reads pretty fast and prefers nonfiction. she thinks poetry can get too pretentious lmao38. What do they admire in others? What talents do they wish they had?#deep but i think she admires kindness and care in others. she wishes she was a better person at times and wants to be able to express how much people meant to her39. Do they like letters? Or prefer emails/messaging? lmao letters are the only thing in her world. if she lived w us shed probably be all about texting 600 in a row and then calling when u dont reply “what do u mean you cant answer. its called INSTANT messaging for a reason!!”40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Or can they naturally stay awake and alert?she stays awake through sheer willpower shes a beast41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship?shes bi/pan. not really a thing about labels in her world. she loves long hair and soft personalities42. What are their goals? What would they sacrifice anything for? What is their secret ambition?plot spoilers!!43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?shes not religious. there is a heavy theme of religion in the novel [which i need to write better in the second draft] but she was kinda skeptical as a child and probably lost faith entirely after she went through some harrowing stuff 44. What is their favourite season? Type of weather? Are they good in the cold or the heat? What weather do they complain in the most? winter. she prefers the cold and hates heat45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves? i think people see her as scarier than she is. shes a formidable opponent and does not give a fuck what you say, but her reputation precedes her a little bit, a lot of things she did out of fear or force are seen as ‘badass’ and ‘brave’46. Do they make a good first impression? Does their first impression reflect them accurately? How do they introduce themselves?shes a compulsive liar, and a good one at that. so she tends to show herself differently to almost everyone she meets, but usually its a false potrayal47. How do they act in a formal occasion? What do they think of black tie wear? Do they enjoy fancy parties and love to chit chat or loathe the whole event?ugh she haaaaaates formal stuff and parties. she grew up royal and had to suffer through many a dinner and gathering. at this point in her life youd never get her in a dress that impeded her movement. shes ok with dresses but really big poofy ones she refuses to wear48. Do they enjoy any parties? If so what kind? Do they organise the party or just turn up? How do they act? What if they didn’t want to go but were dragged along by a friend? in our world shed be one for a chill house party. show up with a case of beer, sit outside by the barbie, listen to music and talk shit. shes not good at organising so she doesnt tend to host, and if she were dragged by a friend itd probably be to a formal event or with people she didnt know so shed just sulk in the corner49. What is their most valued object? Are they sentimental? Is there something they have to take everywhere with them?she abandoned her material possessions before the story a. bc she was forced and b. they bring back way too many painful memories50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewhere with them: what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials? food, change of clothes, weapons. thats about it. she tries not to be super nasty and find an inn to shower and stuff but shes also poor af

[charlyoddsox27]

its 6am, i havent slept, im bored, so im posting a list of the mercs in order of whom i like the most and reasons why, because thats something i should do i guess?

here goes

(spoilers for the comics down below but either way i think im the only person on earth who has never read them before now)

~~~

~~1. Medic~~

reasons for being my favourite:

• fucking. look. at. him. 👌

• 'mad german doctor' is one of my favourite tropes and he is a pretty bang-on satirical depiction of it

• cute-ass german accent

• he has pet pidgeons hE LOVES HIS PIDGEON PALS THEY KEEP HIM COMPANY

• healers are the most respectable class imo and since Medic pretty much started it he's automatically the best, thats how it works right?

• he sold some random persons soul to satan in exchange for a ***ballpoint pen*** and can i just say, fucking mood??? (he is literally the "i'd sell you to satan for one cornchip" meme)

• "yes, Archimedes...I couldn't agree more." *shudders* b oi .. .

• so many more reasons to love this gross old doctor so little room in Tumblrs posts.

~~2. Spy~~

reasons for being my second favourite:

• cranky, done with everyones shit, just wants to be left alone, fucking mood

• he's a spy i mean c'mon. look at the swanky-ass suit, look at the class radiating from this asshole.

• he may be a dick but he has a soft side he's just too jaded to show it most of the time (see: Scouts death in the comics?? real tears. honestly wish they'd panned that out more.)

• masks are hot tbFH--

• he enjoys a nice glass of whisky by the fireplace and so do i (fun fact: france is the biggest importer of scottish whisky in the world so its a nice touch)

• shapeshifting is fucking cool are you serious like he can just. do that. what a legend

• "i have a cyanide pill in one of my molars, if i break it then spit some in your mouth before i die, we can avoid being tortured." *'heavy' bursts in to save them* "PFFTHBTHF--"

• "SEDUCE ME."

• arrogant frenchman is one of my other favourite tropes and this is the most arrogant frenchman ive ever seen

• he's the only fully sane Merc, maybe apart from Engie.

• people love to hate him bc he's an asshole but...come on. after working with all those other weirdos for years, you'd be pretty jaded too.

• as a gross shipper, he's the easiest and the most fun (imo) to ship with Medic (rip me)

~~3. Pyro~~

reasons for being my third favourite:

• would have tied with Soldier if it werent for that one picture of them in the comics holding a puppy over their head with the most adoring expression on their mask??? good Pyro. goodest Pyro.

• doesn't do much in the comics but makes up for it in pure charm. look at that soulless face and tell me you dont love it.

• ambiguous gender ambiguous gender amBIGUOUS GENDER AMBIGUOUS GENDER. she/he/they? trans? nb? whatever you headcanon, it'll never be confirmed so its literally up to your own imagination. fucking ace, Valve 👌👌👌

• likes to burn things. god damnit. they like to burn things, guys. but they enjoy it so much, you just cant hate them, you can only feel a sympathetic joy that this precious lunatic is having fun in their own little world.

• canonically mentally ill (schizoprenia? it could be hallucinogenic drugs but i like to think its schizophrenia.)

• pretty sure they burned a pair of pedophiles in the comics. at least i think thats what those panels were insinuating. "lets open an orphanage and have an endless supply of kids to--" sounds pretty red-flaggy to me tbh. plus they were the villains so, eh?

• bludgeoned a bear to death until its skull was pulp because it insulted their special interest. you go, Pyro.

• for a few bits in the comics they have a really cute family dynamic going on with other Mercs, Soldier for example."Miss Pauling, Pyros on my side of the car." "Miss Pauling, Pyro cut off my hand." fuckin' cuties.

• when they start putting on like 50 shirts to keep warm in the Russian mountains. chubby.

• a gas mask that can function as both badass, and completely adorable.

• just. everything about them. how could you not love them. they're not in the wrong, you are. stay away from my misunderstood child and let them burn things god damnit.

~~4. Soldier~~

look I'm sorry, I love Soldier and he was gonna be tied with Pyro but that fucking puppy drawing sold me.

• absolute gold every second he speaks. he could sneeze and i'll laugh.

• such a dumbass you cant get annoyed at him for it. like. just agree with him and move on. no point reasoning with a boulder. "haha! silly Miss Pauling, thinking theres different types of blood." Medic: "haha yes! indeed, silly."

• HUTTAH *NECK SNAP*

• i'm not American and even i can see how blatantly his character mocks stereotypical Patriotic Americans™. but its so dumb and laughable, its adorable.

• EVERYTHING ABOUT HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH ZHANNA IS A BLESSING. EVERYTHING.

• the first "meet the Mercs" video i ever saw was "meet the Soldier" so he holds a special place in my heart

• (preaches about experiencing the horrors of war; has never actually been to war. shh dont tell anyone though--) *neck gets snapped*

~~5. Demoman~~

• I'm Scottish. even though his accent is absolute garbage (no offense to the VA), any representation is very nice.

• Black AND Scottish?? i mean has a character like that even existed before TF2??? amazing example of representation right there. there are barely even any black people in Scotland, how did this happen. I love it. more of this, please.

• he's a drunk guy who blows shit up for shits and giggles and god I wish I could too, sounds like a miracle stress-reliever.

• his sassy black scottish mother. combining the stereotypical black mother with the stereotypical scottish mother is literally the best thing that ever happened.

• the bit in the comic where Medic explains that Demo can't remember what happened to his eye bc he scooped out part of his brain, and the look on Demo's face. just. the look.

• again, he's scottish, he's stereotypical, and he's awesome.

~~6. Sniper~~

• underrated

• piss jars. piss jars everywhere.

• "no dad, im not a crazed murdering lunatic, I'm an assassin. ...well one's a job and the other's mental sickness!!"

• "meet the Sniper" has kickass music

• ruffled gross old man who isn't actually old, he's just seen some SHIT

• actually given development in the comics + some really good scenes with Spy.

• so suave...so...handsome. handsome ruffled bushman. me like.

• he dies first in the comics but gets brought back and gets a cool-ass scar. and then he's just walking around naked everywhere for the rest of the comic. Medic, where the fuck did you put his clothes.

• isn't actually Australian. thats like one of the biggest twists in the comic. "no wonder i was never inhumanly strong and my chest hair didn't grow into the shape of Australia!!" Classic.

• says "bugger" a lot and i love that word

• he needs a hug, let me hug him. and give him a bath.

~~7. Heavy~~

I'm gonna be crucified for putting the big lad so low but i promise i dont dislike any of the Mercs. he'd be higher up but...ive never really liked big huge tank-men tbh :/

• loveable as fuck

• will murder you if you bully his puny little Medic

• i looove Russian accents omfg

• he like big gun. i can respect that.

• when Medic was killed and he went APESHIT on Classic!Heavy and I lost my fuckin' mind over that shit

• he probably has a soft spot for small cute animals. i love imagining him being swarmed by Medics flock of doves and petting them like "good bird...so many good bird..."

• actually smarter than people give him credit for???

• i really really wish his character was a lil more fleshed out but. that's just me. i love him but he doesn't have the same appeal to me as Medic or Spy.

• his entire relationship with Medic...ugh. yes. best friends and/or boyfriends. all good to me 👌

• he named his gun Sasha and that's adorable

~~8. Engineer~~

• gOD, FUCK, I REALLY WISH HE DID MORE IN THE COMICS. i barely know anything about his character. i like him a lot but...god, he...he doesn't...do.....anything.......

• he built a cool robot arm for himself and AI turrets and teleporter machines and guns that fire magic healing powers and immortality machines, in the 1960s. what. some kind of wizard fuckery is this.

• smoothest voice in the west

• "y'all"

~~9. Scout~~

oh god i really am gonna be crucified. i dont hate him i just. like him the least.

• shitboy

• reminds me of a shitty ex but also kinda relateable in a way

• some genuinely funny bits in the shorts.

• gross horny hetero teen boy with a god complex and serious daddy issues. also, he can't read. the "sex bom" tattoo on his chest will be an eternal testament to that. nice job, Spy. you raised him good.

~~~

hoo boy there we go theres all the boys, all the beautiful boys (and Scout) in order of how much i love them. if i made any errors in my info about the canon, feel free to send me death threats 💙 (no seriously tell me though, being a newbie is embarrassing)

so uh. yeah. that took two hours to write. its now 8am. im still bored lol. bye i guess.

[mostdramaticqueen]

I feel like shit again

Fucking hell

I havent posted here since 2019?

Well its 2022

Things got better and better and worse and better and amazingly well and then it hit me

Im not perfect.

I dont even try anymore

Ive tried before. I did my best. My best wasnt enough. Others try more than me. My dad will never appreciate me and the work i put.

Not that it matters now. I dont try anymore. Im useless

I just entertain people at this point. Im a fucking clown. They laugh at my jokes and sometimes at me. They love me. Not because they admire or respect me. They will say otherwise. They say im more than that. Thats the default sentance and everyone knows it. Theoretically, i am more than that yes. But none of that is actually usefull. And they dont love me for that. They want me because they laugh at me. I get drunk easily and i say dumb shit and ridicule myself and they like that

They are not shitty people. Hell no. They dont mean no harm. They never would. And they try to support me in any way they can.

But if i werent funny, would they?

What even am i anymore. I am not the smart kid. They cant assume im smart. Nobody ever did. But i used to have proof that i was.

Now? Im just a clown with perfectly average grades. I hate it. I sometimes hate myself. I try not to say it. But i do. I wish i was the person my family sees in me. Pretty and smart and kind. But i talk back and i dont take care of myself every day and i say dumb shit all the time. And i dont know why im special.

I used to be something. Raw potential. Now? Thats not a thing. There is a hope deep down that i will have a postgraduate degree too. Cause im smart, right? And studying is what im good at, right?

And if i just t r i e d then i could do it, right?

I just wanna be enough and be useful and be proud of me for once

I want my dad to be proud of me and call me brave and his little lion and mean it this time. I dont want him to take it back again. Please love me like i need to be loved please please please please please

I dont wanna be a failiure, i wanna be perfect

Yet right now im crying instead if studying

Pathetic. Im overreacting again

God im so dramatic. I should just do it. Get rid of my phone and i can do it. Right? Yeah. No more distractions. Like my head telling me i suck. Like my thoughts telling me my dad is judging me and my studying technique. Why is he commenting on it? He was horrible at school. Shut up and stay in your lane. Be the best boy in your school council or town council or work or model agency or whatever. You are the best at everything after all right?

How could i ever compete with you? How could i ever make you proud? You cant even make urself proud and you have achieved all that

I hate you i hate you i love you please love me please be proud of me please dont judge me or my mum or siblings please please im fragile and you hate it when i break down. You would never do that right? You build all your emotions up and then you burst in anger and flames and you dont care if you insult us. We are incompetent. Our dog would have learnt to behave already right?

God i wanna have an adhd diagnosis so bad. Would you like that? Are you so afraid of having a retarded child? A motherfucking loser who cant even remember to wash the fucking dishes??? I KNOW YOU WOULD HATE IT. STOP SAYING YOU LOVE ME AND THAT YOU MISS ME. YOU DONT. YOU HATE THE REAL ME . EVEN WORSE. YOU DONT HATE ME . YOU ARE DISAPPROVING. YOU ARE DISSAPOINTED. I SEE YOU DIE EVERYTIME I DONT REACH MY POTENTIAL. DIE INSIDE THEN. BURRY THOSE FEELINGS TOO. STOP HURTING ME PLEASE. IT HURTS. IT HURTS TO HATE MYSELF PLEASE.

I dont wanna hate myself anymore