#ive met wonderful and amazing people on here but I cant help but feel so

[81folklore]

dress - SV5 - part 2

pairings: sebastian vettel x famous!reader (fc: taylor swift)

summary: its known that seb has been married for a few years now despite the public never seeing is wife, its also known that yn is in a committed relationship and has been since she disappeared from public eye. maybe they are more connected than people realise

authors note: part two because i didnt realise how long it had gotten but im allergic to actually writing.. also i apologize for the first part literally just being build-up.. i honestly didnt know about the 30 pic limit so...

authors note 2: i used google translate for the german so i hope its correct, also i dont know if petnames like darling or sunshine are used in germany but i had to use them

authors note 3: i actually hate how this turned out :/ but it was very hard to actually get my thoughts onto the page so this will do! this is part 2 so go read part 1 first!!

part 1 part 3 masterlist

ynupdates

liked by user5, user77, olliebearman and 45,920 others

YN IN THE F1 PADDOCK TODAY, I REPEAT YN IN THE PADDOCK

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user77: sorry i dont follow f1, i thought the races were on sundays?

user5: dont be sorry! today is qualifying and tomorrow is the race!

user5: SHES THERE I CANT STAY CALM

user91: does anyone know who she was with in those photos of her by the track?

user5: sebastian vettel and mick schumacher!

user6: SHE WAS WATCHING QUALIFYING WITH SEB AND MICK?? SEB VETTEL?? AND MICK SCHUMACHER?? OH LORDDD

user12: i thought i would survive.. i lied

ynupdates

liked by user5, user20, user99 and 101,782 others

seems like yn is with redbull at todays race looking as gorgous as ever!

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user5: OH OH OH OH

user5: SHE IS STUNING HOLY

user20: her style recently has been AMAZING

user68: out of every team i think redbull would have been one of my last guesses

user6: THE WAY SHE IS WITH REDBULL AND SPENT QUALIFYING WITH REDBULLS GOLDEN BOY OH I FEEL SICK

user99: i love her so much

user42: at least her team will win

user591: IS SHE WEARING A WEDDING RING??

user618: i think so?? honestly i wouldnt be surprised shes very private and has been with her partner for almost 8 years so no wonder he popped the question

user90: i need her to be at every gp

ynupdates

liked by charles_leclerc, user55, user81 and 234,891 others

yn on stage performing dress during the post-race concert at suzuka! as far as we know it was a complete surprise, she came on to sing dress then left. this is her second time performing it to a live audience!

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user81: WHEN IS IT MY TURN TO HEAR DRESS LIVE

user5: charles and seb were both spotted watching her from the side of the stage!

user81: charles taking seb to see his favorite artist..what if i cried

user55: i cant believe i lost dress twice without even knowing i could lose it😭

user8: i hope she had so much fun, ive missed her doing stuff like this :’)

user12: apparently she was laughing and looking off stage at someone throughout, possibly her partner?

user1: SHE AWLAYS LOOKS SO GOOD

user13: so much content this weekend..im going to have major withdrawls

yourusername

liked by sebastianvettel, mickschumacher and 13,712,847 others

four years ago i was given the pleasure of marrying my best friend

i am unable to really put into words how much meeting you and getting to spend the rest of my life with you has changed my life seb, but i tell you i love you enough daily that i hope you understand

when we first met i had no idea how much you would impact me and the way i think, but you have helped me become the woman i am today and i am forever grateful for that

i often feel unworthy of the life you have given me, the life we have together. i wonder how i got to be the one you love and cherish and i know how lucky i am to be the one you spend your life with

you gave me your heart and i promise to look after it for as long as im here, i promise to keep it safe and i know you will look after mine

danke, dass du mich liebst, danke, dass du dich um mich kümmerst. (thank you for loving me, thank you for taking care of me) Ich verspreche, dich bis zu meinem letzten Atemzug zu lieben. (I promise to love you until my last breath) Ich werde nie aufhören, dich zu lieben, Mein Sonnenschein. (I will never stop loving you, my sunshine)

tagged: sebastianvettel

comments on this post have been limited

sebastianvettel: Danke, dass du dein Herz geöffnet hast und mich dich lieben lässt, mein Schatz (Thank you for opening your heart and letting me love you, my darling)

sebastianvettel

liked by yourusername, lewishamilton and 8,728,712 others

I won the most important race. It was the race into the heart of the love of my life, yn. I love you.

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yourusername: 🩵🩵🩵

user5: I CANT DO THIS STOP

user12: hes so sweet :(

user18: ive known about them for a total of 2 minutes but i love them already🫡

user6: dress was written about him…

user71: i feel ill wehn will i get posted like this

sebastianvettel

liked by charles_leclerc, yourusername, landonorris and 10,120,859 others

the sunshine of my life

view comments

yourusername: i love you so much

lewishamilton: very happy for you mate!

user13: THEY LOVE EACHOTHER SO MUCH OH MY GOD😭😭

landonorris: 🥹🥹

user82: DRESS WAS WRITTEN BY HER FOR HIM AND HE WAS PROUD OF IT OH LORD

user5: literally my favorite people in the entire universe🫶

user19: still in shock that theyve been married for four years

[krabmeat]

𝟷𝟶𝟶 𝚏𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠𝚎𝚛𝚜? 𝚝𝚘𝚍𝚊𝚢? 𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚠𝚎𝚎𝚔? 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚘𝚏 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛?

HELL YEAH FELLAS YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT!! FIRST MAJOR MILESTONE BAYBEEEE LETS GOOOOOO!!

guys, i really dont think you see how insanely mental this is. like what?!?! i joined here cause a friend of mine was gushing about a writer here and eventually convinced me to get tumblr. they called me their "noob reading friend /affectionate" and now look at me!! not even a year in and ive gained a crowd? thats so damn cool to think about!! to think that this many people are willing to put aside time in their day to read some fics made by me, im floored man!! all in all though, i have no one to thank but my wonderful mutuals and followers who have helped floor and construct the fantastic beginnings of this blog. which is why im here to bring you all this event that i sincerely hope you guys enjoy!

🦑KRABS KAN MAKE WRITING EVENTS WOW!!🦑

ALRIGHT FELLAS, IM DOING A WRITING EVENT!! HERES THE RULES AND PROMPTS NOW BOSSMEN!

~rules~

only 2 people per prompt

despite me not writing romantic fics yet, all participants are absolutely welcome to!

no smut/nsfw, im not that kind of blog and i do plan on reading entries so please dont submit anything related!!

any and all fics glorifying and supporting bigoted or misogynistic ideals will not be tolerated or respected. this is non-negotioable but if the fic has any of this that results in the putting down of or generally recognizing these ideals as negative then that is completely fine!

you are to use the quote prompts in your fic (im gonna be loose on this though so dw!! :DD)

you can use as many different prompts as youd like!!

please keep submissions in mcyt territory as thats who i write for most. but this doesnt confine to just mcyts in the dsmp! go wild dudes, hermitcraft, third life, pop off!!

keep all fics for minors platonic and platonic ONLY

generally know and respect the boundaries for ccs

when asking for a prompt, please put who you will be writing for!!

TAG ME IN YOUR FICS!! I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH PLEASE ID ADORE IT IF YOU TAGGED ME SO I CAN READ YOUR WONDERFUL WORK!!

you can use and interpret the prompts any way you want! doesnt matter if its in the angst section, you see fluff potential? go for it, vice versa!!

~prompts~

~fluff~

"I swear, if you make us late one more time I'll tape a clock to your wrist." "Isnt that a watch-?" "Shut it!"

"Look! I think it likes me!" (@ohworm-writes with cc!beeduo)

"Man, how did I catch such a good person?"

"Yknow, your parents really did something great when they made you."

"WELL HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT WOULD HAPPEN?!" "THERE ARE WARNING LABELS RIGHT THERE!"

"Take a picture, itll last longer~" "Okay!" "Wait you actually did that-?"

"That does NOT fit you." "Yeah it does! Just gotta roll it up a bit!"

"You aren't 'built different', you're just stupid." (@ohworm-writes with cc!tommy @jschllatt with cc!sapnap

"If it ever happens again, tell me. You know i adore you."

"Well..they dont even deserve you anyways! Just look at you- gorgeous!!"

~angst~

"KEEP F*CKING WALKING, THEN! CANT EVEN FACE YOUR OWN DAMN PARTNER! (or friend! :])"

"No, youre amazing!" "Then why arent i treated like it?"

"Do it again, see if i care."

"Guys..? GUYS! THEY ARENT MOVING!"

"Put the damn drink down and talk to me!"

"Its about time you get whats due, you know."

"So not only do you think im stupid, but you also think im still naive?"

"Just take me seriously for once in your damn life!"

"You'd better start running in the next 5 seconds."

"What do you take me for, a joke?!" "Wasnt that obvious?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

now that thats done, heres the ask game part of the event!!! send me the corresponding emoji in my ask box and ill respond!

👽~ ill tell you a weird or memorable occurance that has happened on tumblr between friends and moots!

😳~ ill kin assign you and try to guess who you kin! (friends and moots only)

🍒~ ill rate your blog aesthetic on a scale of 1-10

🥀~ ill give you a bunch of emojis that remind me of you! (friends and moots only)

😎~ ill tell you obscure things i think are very neat!

🌺~ ill tell you a random interesting fact i know!

🦑~ if you send me a description of yourself, personality etc then ill write you a short ship fic with a mcyt!! specify if you want it to be platonic or romantic and if you want it to be c! or cc!(this is to work on my romantic writing!! friends and moots only)

💃~ ill tell you songs that remind me of you! (friends and moots only)

📕~ ill tell you something small or obscure i secretly think about you! (friends and moots only)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

now...onto the final part- HONOURABLE MENTIONS!!!

@myceliummenace ~ these guys got me into tumblr, some of my closest friends and theyve been supporting me since day one. i couldnt be happier to breathe the same air as these guys, they all deserve a crown and if you disagree i will chomp your hand

@niceimafan ~ an absolute saint!! i came across inks former writing blog and fell in love with both them and their wonderful work /p!!!! theyve helped me through some hellish times and are all around so damn open and accepting

@jschllatt ~ istfg this lady is just-- SOOOO BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT??? nat is incredibly talented and has encouraged me throughout my time here and i couldnt be happier with how weve grown as friends!! and i know, despite how wholesome and soft nat seems to be i promise you she knows how to keep a bit going like no other. an amazing moot, stay funky :]

@im-an-ungodly-mess ~ okay look,, i know i havent interacted with these guys for a lot buttt...CAN YOU REALLY BLAME ME??!!? LIKE CMON THEYRE ALL JUST SO COOL!!! the moment i met them i knew our chaotic energies would merge and boy did they merge alright. also theyre just insanely nice and super willing to endulge with me in my random interest which is always a sexy trait to have. 10 out of 10, these guys are neato

@ohworm-writes ~ ahhh wormmm, delightful all around and just a sweetheart....BUT THEYVE GOT SHENANIGANS- as well as being extremely skilled as well like, dayummm!!! i live for our bond over fandoms outside of the mcyt fandom and i feel blessed to have you be a moot! much love, dear!

@marcooze ~ bro....whyd you have to do me like that dude? being so gosh damn kind and accepting like that like sheesh all the stuff you reblog is gold!!! it can be the most cracked out post or the most serious and informational one. idgaf that youre a reblog blog, you mean the world to me and i shall place a supple kiss on your hand as bros do <3

@ramzawrites ~ THE FIRST WRITERS BLOG IVE EVER FOLLOWED!!! ramza dear, if no one has ever told you how iconic you are then PLEASE LET ME BE THE FIRST!!! everything you do leaves me in awe and despite your talent, you still have miles and miles of kindness and generosity? you are one in a million, ramza. you deserve everything and please know how much you mean to me. thank you for supporting me so much for so long, and i hope your days are filled with really cool rocks :]]

[hello-yue-here]

thank you @chiptrillino for tagging me in a wip game!

not quite sure what the rules are but based off of your AMAZING POST OF ART WIPS (check it out here yall chip is so talented) ive decided to just share some parts of my writing wips that i rlly like because i cannot draw whatsoever lmao

enjoy some lil snippets hehe

from heart don't stand a chance:

"Zuko couldn’t get over her eyes. She was looking past the camera towards the man who took it. Zuko could see clear as day the love she held for Sokka in her gaze.

It was a perfect moment that Sokka had captured. No wonder held it with him at all times. If someone had looked at Zuko like that, he’d never want to see anything again.

As he took in the photograph, Sokka sat next to him in silence. His hand was clutching the ring around his neck again in his fist, pressing it close to his mouth as he peered over Zuko’s shoulder to look. Zuko turned to him to compliment the picture and saw a sad fondness lingering in his eyes."

this is a scene i wrote a while ago thats gonna appear in a much later chapter. but yeah. more yue angst for you guys im so sorry.

from i love you (and that's all i really know):

"Mister Sokka," a little voice wishpered in his ear as he felt tiny pokes on his cheek, "Wake up Mister Sokka."

"Good morning to you too Izumi," Sokka responded wearily as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He looked towards the little girl who was standing on her tippy toes to see over the edge of the bed and poke his face until he rose.

She smiled at him once she realized he was awake.

"Can we have pancakes?" She asked shyly, hiding her mouth just below the edge of the bed as she looked up at him with hopeful eyes.

That look was going to be dangerous for him later on, he could aready tell.

"Sure thing, Izumi, just let me sleep for five more minutes, mkay?" He asked as he shut his eyes again. He was exhausted from last nights events, and the sun had barely risen. How did Zuko do this?"

this is a scene from the next chapter of this fic. so much sokka and izumi bonding you guys are gonna explode hehehe.

from cherry (the mailee fic i wont shut up about that is now a whopping 19 pages):

"Mai never had to guess with Ty Lee. She always knew when Ty Lee was happy about something because she would use an obnoxious amount of exclamation points. She would send gifs of people or cartoons making outlandish expressions whenever she wanted to react to Mai’s text with a specific facial expression. Sometimes Ty Lee would even send voice memos whenever her thoughts became too long, or she got too excited about a story that her fingers couldn’t type as fast as she could speak."

hehe i love mailee.

from yours (the mailee sorority fic that i promise i did not forget about):

"Mai lifted her head off the pillow again and met Zuko’s eyes. She studied his impassive expression, trying to figure out if he was joking or not. He did seem like he missed Mai and Azula, so maybe he did really just want to catch up with them.

But Mai wasn’t going to give up a golden opportunity like this.

“Tell us everything about the boy toy as well and you’ve got yourself a deal,” Mai said.

Zuko rolled his eyes and sighed, “Ugh, fine. And his name is Sokka by the way.”

“Nuance. You also have to wake up Azula.”

“No chance in hell,” Zuko scoffed, “You’re the roommate and her fellow ‘pong princess,’ wake-up duty is all yours.”

“If she murders me, it’s your fault. She’s a bitch when she’s hungover.”

“Whatever you say, Mai,” Zuko grinned before returning back to his phone."

i have decided that zuko is a little shit for this fic and no one can stop me.

from Where'd All the Time Go? (the yuekka fic that i have severe writers block with that i also promis i have not forgotten about):

"“Sokka I really think you need to take a moment and-”

“I am fine Aang, I don’t have time for a feelings talk right now. Right now I need to find the fucking chief of this damn place.” His words came out harsher than he meant, but he didn’t have the time to dwell on that.

Before Sokka could run off again to continue his search, a hand grabbed his arm. One of Arnook’s advisors, Malina, had started dragging him towards the podium.

“Do you not realize how late you are for this Sokka? The ceremony was supposed to begin with your speech nearly an hour ago-” she hissed at him as she pulled him along through the crowd.

“Malina I’m sorry but I really need to speak with Arnook it is urgent-”

“This damn speech of yours is what’s urgent right now Sokka, you can speak with Arnook later but the guests are getting antsy so you need to give your speech right. Now.”

“But-”

“Now.”

Maline shoved Sokka towards the podium and suddenly all eyes were on him. Every guest in attendance had their focus solely on Sokka."

homeboy is stressed in this scene. things are slowly going to shit in this chapter. i promise i will update this before the end of the year. i swear. im so sorry.

from a currently untitled jetko/sukka boiling rock fic:

"“Oh good, you survived after all,” She said in a mocking tone.

Jet didn’t answer. He knew anything he said would be used against him. He didn’t know where he was. He didn’t know what was happening. But he would be damned if he showed that weakness in front of the fire nation.

“I was told you were more talkative than this,” the girl mused. There was something familiar about her, “my informants were very detailed when discussing your little teashop romance.”

I knew it. Jet snarled in his mind, That bastard betrayed me."

i want this fic to be a little darker but idk how good i am at writing darker fics because i love fluff and humor too much. this could be good angst practice for me.

from a toph and sokka fic that i wrote a while back to help me cope w some shit that i dont know if ill ever post:

"“Sokka? Are you still there?” Toph asked, the slightest hint of concern began to slip into their voice

“Tell me a story,” he was trembling. Despite all of his efforts to sound calm, he knew his voice came out trembling and scratchy and pathetic-

“Is everything okay? You don’t sound too hot,” Toph said through the phone.

Breathe, Sokka, breathe. You don’t want them to be worried, you just need to calm down.

“Please, Toph, I just,” he said through shaky breaths that weren’t nearly deep enough for him to be getting enough oxygen, “I just need a distraction. I just need to hear your voice okay?”"

nonbinary toph anyone?

from a 10 things i hate about you kataang and zukka au:

"“What? Something on my face?” the guy asked deadpanned. He rubbed at his scar as if he were wiping off a smudge of mustard, and Aang’s face went pale.

“Stop scaring the sophomores Zuko, this one’s new. He won’t get your… humor… just yet,” Ms. Wu said as she waved Aang off again.

“I’m hurt that you’d imply I’m not funny, Wu. I’m hilarious,” the senior, Zuko, said as he walked past Aang.

Aang let out a sigh of relief knowing that this Zuko guy didn’t seem all that offended by his awkwardness, and darted out of the room."

zuko is a little shit part 2. the amount of sarcasm i have dripping off of heath ledger zuko is glorious. let zuko be a little shit. i havent added to this in months but when i finish some of my other wips i cant wait to get back to this.

i have more wips and drafts saved but none of them have anything juicy or funny or interesting yet because all of them are like less than three pages so far

but yeah, heres a good chunk of sneaky peakys from my wips!

I hope you liked them!

anyone who wants to do this can totally go for it. imma tag @ambykinns @lumities and @flowers-inthepieshop (only if you all want too!!) because this was fun :)

[herbietales]

trying to put my thoughts on the new special into one place!

starting off with the stan marsh tragedy montage is so tragic holy shit

and the fact that he keeps reliving in in his nightmares is so sad

having to handle his alexa too and like wanting to pander to her requests like the shopping cart and such - theres like a commentary there or something but maybe im reading too much into it its also just funny to see kyle so bewildered at that lmaooo

and stan turning around to sneer at kyle when he tries to cut in?? lmaoo

this scene between yentl and cartman hurts more knowing cartman’s end - him saying to yentl that she is her whole world and all

and then!! they met butters- victor who changed his name to seperate himself from butters and even pretending not to know anyone from his past before his parents grounded him for like 16 years, which is like his entire teenage years even?? god i cant even imagine, BUT the only other thing keeping my sympathies is how he’s an NFT bro?? DUDE. the whole people-who-are-into-nfts-are-incels commentary?? love it lmao i kind of like how its not too evil or unhinged but its also not much of a happy ending - and kind of makes sense he’s a hardcore sellout considering his pimp lifestyle before

i think from here on i started to get confused by whats happening - from randy growing his weed so fast, to cartman recruiting clyde by pandering to his non-science stance, butters escaping to destroy a motel, hell- butters weiner helicoptering pee all over when cartman starts to yell at him  (he still says loo loo loo GJKDFG)  - i feel like butters wrecking so much chaos (hehe) in such a short time is so funny lmaoo

i was so goddang excited when cartman and butters duo happened but it makes me more sad when cartman expressed it was for his family again :((

next is stan bringing kyle to the bar to drink, finding out butters and cartman is sabotaging stan and kyle, being attacked by their alexas, stan again helping kyle to talk with his alexa, them them coming back to see the gang being caught up in the nft thing - and having a stendy moment??? i wonder where darwin even went he just disappeared without a word, which sucks bc i kinda liked the guy even though he’s had like 3 lines tops

anyways skipping ahead- the cartman and kyle fight was beautiful, outstanding, showstopping, what ive been waiting for this whole 2 specials, its funny still how kyle thinks its still a ruse when we find out that its really not, and yentl and the family are the ones who convince cartman to have faith that their lives will end up together in any pathway, not stan or kyle, which is MORE sad holy shit

adult clyde walking through the town like a badass fucking cracks me up, and the way he just busts through the door?? and kid clyde not questioning it??? so fucking funny

AHH and the moment i’ve been waiting for - stan saying that he regrets this day for the rest of his life and kyle saying you lose everything if you lose this friendship?? i love the style moment - and having to say that cartman has a family and you dont bc nothing would make kyle more pissed than cartman being happier than him LMAO

anyways after that this whole thing going back to heather from the start?? it feels like they couldve put the whole heather thing at the first special and then tie it up it this one tbh? and lowkey feels like a copout or feels a bit shallow? that all it takes for them to forgive each other is another outing -

as much as how cute i find it i wish it had gone a bit deeper but at the same time its south park. also theyre like 10, so this would kinda makes sense that itd be all good after like one amazing night together

stans note to randy was super sweet and cute, giving him the new special weed which then cures everyone which again,, kinda like a copout as usual it goes back to tegridy fixing everything and making it feel like trey and matt’s tegridy weed ad

and finally the end - oh. i feel like its so rushed, and so sad that cartman’s ending didnt pan out the way he had planned, stans an astropilot kind of thing, kyle has a family that cartman had, stan and wendy is hinted to get back together - and everyone else is weirdly the same too. it kind of paints stan and kyle as these selfish assholes who didnt care about cartman’s family, but at the same time they didnt remember how it was supposed to be considering that the past had changed. stan said that he doesnt remember why he misses sharon and shelly so much

im not the biggest fan of cartman obviously, i cheered whenever he had karma served to him in past episodes whenever he was a dick, got beaten up or his plans didnt go through, but in this one he was fighting so hard for his family and reformed life that its hard to feel happy when he ended up homeless in the end while everyone else got a happy ending - which compared to how their “bad ends” were, were not that bad. stan and kyle at least had a home and business and it wasnt like they couldnt get a partner like that?? well except for maybe butters, who ends up as a waiter instead of being an nft bro in a mental asylum...

anyways i kind of liked the previous special more than this bc of the surprise elements and the excitement of wanting to see the adult selves but i felt like i really wanted the latter part where they time travelled to be longer, bc it was the hype of the whole special? but it ended up happening in like the last 13 minutes of the special which is a huge bummer but i cant wait to see the next season, and how its gonna play out. im so tired of this whole covid thing (and the whole tegridy thing) so im looking forward to just. new stuff.

[yioh]

2020 follow forever :^)

hello it is, but i, ur local frog, yura, i really realllllllllyyyyyyyyyyy wanted to make some kind of post to appreciate everyone on here because , fr, you guys have been such a large part of my life recently and i can not thank you enough... every single person i have interacted with on here has been so wonderful and it’s been such a pleasure to talk with you guys<3

also extremely extremely extremely sorry if i forget anyone, i really really do love every single person i interact with!! this is my first time doing something like this also this is probably filled with typos but im too impatient and lazy to read what i wrote, im so sorry if its weird or something aaaaaaaaaaaa jhdsgjhd

without further ado lets goooooo losers😎

@honeyedmilks sof u are one of the softest people i know, we didn’t get to talk that much this year but i love ur presence in general and it makes me :D when u pop up on my dash/notes hehe, i can’t express just how much i adore ur writing, the vibes and settings and the way u write in general is so my thing and !!!!!!!! <3 

@asianmelodrama faizaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa u are mine and a lot of other people’s sunshine on this hellsite !!!! ur blog is so feel good and pretty and relaxing and i love all ur thoughts and ur gifs are soooooooooo pretty and ur so cool !!!!!!!! thank u for being so kind and creative and wonderful and for creating a place so safe and lovely i love u i love uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

@muscosus robin robin robin robin ILUSM !!!!!!! ur so fun to talk to and i find it so amusing that we met each other via druck but then consequently found all our interests colliding and we were literally *shook pikachu* kdhigjdghkjf also whenever u tag me in whale stuff it warms my heart so much and i treasure our friendship so so much !!!

@lesbiangoths OLIVIA why are u so adorable :( everytime u send me an ask im :) ur so creative and talented and ur crocheting stuff looks so COOL !!!!! also ur vibe is just immaculate in general and talking with u is so easy, never change ilu bro

@illiterateopossum ELIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ur DEFINATELY one of the people on here that are MOST special to me, all our conversations are so freaking fun and man, u just get me .... and watching u get into all the dramas and anime i reccomend ??? it makes my heart doki doki hiagsjhjh thank u for always looking out for me and sending me the most loveliest messages, im really really bad with words and i am SHITE with keeping up with messaging but i seriously treasure our friendship so so much, i only hope for good things to happen to you next year and all the years after that, you’re such a kind wonderful person and !!!!!!!!!!!! i love u sm :(

@beesnutz KJDFKHIJFHKD GUSTE i wanna be emotional this one time and tell u that ur seriously such a fun person and the way my brain goes on overdrive from creativity when i talk to you is . insane. i want to bonk ur head with as much cereal as i can, never forget that you will always be the dumb sidekick to me, the superior villain and i WILL lead the way to world domination one day. sometimes i feel like u aren’t even real, you could be an anime character and i wouldn’t even bat an eyelash . ilu <3

@rosa-leche kana kana KANA :^) how are u so ???? sweet ???? adorable ???? wonderful ????? i already had so much fun interacting with you, all ur thoughts and messages are always so sweet and u make me smile SO much, and after the secret santa i feel like we have so much in common !!!!!!!!! do tell me if u ever watch bloom into you hehe, keep being the angel u are, ilusm !

@petekaos RAHUL !!!!!!!!!!!!! meeting u this summer feels like so long ago somehow, you sir!!! are one TALENTED person . it really really amazes me with how much passion you get into things and how much love and adoration you put into the things you create, its so so special .... anytime i see u vibing on my dash it fills me with so much joy, keep doing u bro !!!!

@toptaps zeeeeeeeeeeey you are so lovely :) you’re so gentle and soft and i adore talking with u about nanamin, also u are so cool and i was rly rly happy when u followed me lol, lowkey i admired u from afar jdhjkhdijd i love uuuuuuu

@fushiguroo MY LIL OREO CUTIE PATOOTIE oFC i still remember the first ask u sent me, i was so taken aback and honoured :( and the more and more i talked with you and saw you on my dash i was so happy, you have such good taste and you’re so so cute, take care of urself and stay the precious bean u are ok? 

@morksuns sumaya sumaya sumayaaaaaaaaaaaa everytime you interact with me im :D i love all our little convos and ur vibe in general is so peaceful and relaxing, im glad i got to meet you:’) here’s to another year and many more after that, that are filled with only good dramas !!!

@gayvlad NICO (nico niiiiiiiiiiiiii ) YOU DESERVE THE W O R L D. i dont know why but as soon as i had like one convo with u that one time i thought u were such a chill cool person :( im so happy that i get to be friends with you, all ur gifs are so pretty !!!!!!!! ur such a kind person and ur blog is such a warm nice place to be. :) 

@cupidhashorns   peach ........... PEACH !!!!!!!!!! you might be one of the nicest people in the WORLD , whenever u like my posts, regardless of whether u know what im on about lmao, i feel so seen... its just so nice to know that Someone i listening to the shit you throw into the void on this site lmao, i adore all ur asks and i truly truly appreicate all your messages so much. thank you for finding my blog interesting at all man, i cant tell you enough how happy you make me :)

@guihan arloooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY CAT FRIEND . THE AMOUNT OF SEROTONIN YOU HAVE GIVEN ME IS IMMEASURABLE your cats ................... are so cute .............. !!!!!!!!!!!!!! im so glad i got into tsomd and got to meet you , whenever u tag me in things im !!!!!!!!! also im defo gonna read  twwtadsl sometime ksdjkdhjksd you make it sound so good aaaaaaaaaaaaa

@otterplush rey many people have probably already told you this but you are someone so ...... so spectacular and special and incredible and amazing ............  so much of your words has given me SO MUCH comfort in the short time i had known you, seriously. i seem to always stumble on your blog whenever im most hurt and your words have really had an impact on me in the best way possible and i love u so so so so much. i only wish for good things to happen for you and i want to be there for you in a way you are for everyone else !!! you are so warm and kind an generous, everything about your vibe feels so soft... also i always wanna rb everything you rb ndjbshs ur blog is so pretty :( 

@aheartandashirt nisaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAA MY KSH THIRST BUDDY KDHJKHDKJHDF fr ive had some of the BEST convos with you, ur taste in dramas is !!!!!!!!!!immaculate !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its so so so  fun talking with you and everything you gif looks so nice !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you for being such a lovely friend to me, you’re so easy to talk with and so friendly and nice and <3 *pat pat pat* 

@tetsuos dawn dawn !!!! you are !!!!!!!!!! such a talented person !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love ur little corner on the web, its so nice to read all ur thoughts about the dramas you’re watching, all your thoughts are so well thought out and interesting to read and, in general, i adore seeing you do ur thing :) *hug hug * 

@heartsofsunlight angel ! your drawings are so beautiful !! you are such a beautiful person in general ! whenever u drop by it makes me so happy, its been so lovely getting to know you, thank you so much for talking to me :) i love uuuuuuu

@metawin jay jay jay !!!!!!!!!!!! for some reason whenever i see u im overcome with so much love !!! everything you make is so beautiful and u are defo one of the most elite people here hehe, also ur cats are ........ so adorable ............ 

@metawwin aliiiiiiiiiiiii, its been such a pleasure seeing you on here !! ur so soooooo kind and whenever u sent me those adorable asks it made me so happy, you’re like a little happiness fairy, you eminate so much joy and positivity !! also ur singing ... immaculate 

@87s min min !!!! u are soooooooooooo adorable, i think ive said this before but u seriously give me little sibling vibes lol, its so fun talking to you, and im so happy that you first popped up to me !!!!!!!!!!! iluuuuuuuu

@joblessquinoa JQ :^)    i always associate you with my engineer haha, and that was so long ago !!!!! ur so fun to talk to, and i adore seeing u rb and leave ur thoughts on all the manga and webtoons im reading !!!! in fact whenever u like my posts i aways feel so happy hehe, also . i literally wouldve failed my coding course without u thank u SO much for helping me out * cries* 

@gigiesarocha cata CATA CATA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  when you first popped up i was so elated to talk to you, u seemed so nice:( and later when u told me u watched joan’s galaxy because of me i was sdhfsgijdfhjkdhjkfh all ur gifs are so unbelieveably gorgeous, i literally go back to the set u made of yioh staring at joan skipping all the time, its so ........ beautiful.......... hopefully we get more wlw content next year and hopefully theyre all as good as joan’s galaxy hehe, iluuuuuuuuuu

@yibobibo aamna my love !!!!!!! how are you so precious ? everytime u reblog any of my posts its an instant serotonin boost, the experience of getting back into mdzs along with u was seriously incomparable, it was so FUN and i wanna go back :( ur such a friendly wonderful and talented person and i adore seeing all ur creativity blossom on this website, ilu aamna !

@brightwin JELLY jelly u are literally the human embodiment of the softest teddy bear in the WORLD . i wanna give u all the hugs and pats i can because u make me so !!!!!!!!! happy and u fill me with so much soft warmth ........... thank u for being u, all ur gifs are so pretty and its been so nice to be able to bask in the light that comes off of u, never change i love u so sooooooooooo much <3

and lastly, some blogs that i really really adore !

@kurusutakatsu @chanagun @yuhaosturtle @jiangyanlisgf @duoerla @yinyu @tichawongtipkanon @jbums @wenqing @lemongrasslesbian @weiixian @schech @kikuism @earthfluuke @0ffgun @yamaguccchi @wullu @seniorwitch @leoyunxi @floraflorenzi @dreamterlude @florbexter @doctorbahnjit

[deerixiie]

APPRECIATION POST!!

june 29th, or a little more that 6 months ago i posted my first fic. that was honestly the best decision of my life because tho tumblr is a hellsite it’s a hellsite that got me through a hellish year. i just want to come out and express my extreme gratitude for all of the people who have gotten me through 2020.

my followers. i remember when i first hit 100 and i was so excited bc 100 ppl in the world actually appreciated my writing enough to follow me...and then more of you guys started coming and sent sweet asks and suddenly i felt so loved 🥺 i didn’t expect to gain the following i did on this hellsite but i did and i love you guys so much :( thank u so much for being here through it all and making this year so much better!!

character anons/other anons; i know i don’t have much and not all of u are active but you!!! you guys are the bestest people on earth!!! shoyo, haji, yams, and all my noya anons,,, i love u guys sm. seeing you in my inbox made me so happy and i loved interacting w you 🥺💗 i hope you guys have an amazing new year and i hope you can talk more soon!! same goes for my other anons, 💜, 🍁, iara, and all the other anons that have send me asks, i love you guys so much!! getting anons and asks was something that made me feel so appreciated and important and seeing your asks always made my day!! ily guys <3

@sa-suga, @neonghxst, @sanso, @starrysamu, @stelleum, @myelocin, and a whole bunch of others writers; you are the most amazing people on the planet. writing on a site like this that gives little to no appreciation is so amazing of you :( your fics have made me smile, laugh, cry, and even grow as a person and i’m so grateful for that! bc of u i was able to distract myself from all the crappy things that happened this year. ily guys so much!

and now, my mutuals!!

@hajiimes; cola i will always always start with you. my closest friend, writing genius, someone i can bounce ideas off of, ask for help, watch movies with, voice call for hours with, and simp over characters with. getting close with you was one of the best things of this year and i really appreciate you for it. its really refreshing to have such a close friend i can really turn to and talk to about stuff that’s bothering me and i know i do it a lot and i’m a terrible friend sometimes but you’re always there for me :( and yeah we tease each other a lot and you’re honestly so annoying sometimes but yeah it’s fun and i love you so <3 STOP MAKING BREAKUP PLAYLISTS OKAY IM SORRY

@sugakuns + @suikazura + @kageyuji + @miyasangel + @giorvanna + @sophiawithstars + @hajiimes; i literally could not have gotten through 2020 without dinonet. it’s the first discord server and probably only discord server that i’ve really felt at home in because you all are so accepting and sweet. your support and love and kindness have gotten me past this year. i’ve been able to laugh and scream and vent and word vomit and be myself because of you all and i’m so appreciative of that. i cant wait for an entire new year with you all, ilysm!

@mehreya; you changed your url and i freaked tf out but ANYWAYS HEYYY~ rae i literally. i literally love you so much like. where would i be without you? you’re so welcoming and comforting and i love you so much :( if there’s anyone i’d share a deformed braincell with, it’s with you!! i feel like i can relate to you?? so much?? i literally keysmash in your inbox sending like 12 messages and i don’t have to worry about you getting upset because you do the same thing right back. we share really similar interests and you’re so compassionate and sweet and ugh i’m gna cry ily

@suikazura; bae i. how do i even say this. you’re literally the kindest, sexiest, funniest, loveliest person i’ve ever met. when i had a really bad day and broke down you were there to hype me up and tell me such wonderful things that i still think about all the time. you wrote a poem comparing me to the sun. ME?? THE SUN?? sui i don’t even know where to go with this ive never had someone do that for me and you doing that just makes me tear up and i’m tearing up writing this- and i love your humor so much despite the fact that it haunts me to this day and your art is so pretty and i could look at it for hours. like man i can’t believe someone like you exists i don’t deserve you at ALL. ilysm bubs

@cavalree; AZZIE WE HAVENT EVEN TALKED THAT MUCH BUT OUR CONVERSATION YESTERDAY WAS >>> THIS IS ME SAYING WE SHOULD TALK MORE WE HAVE A LOT IN COMMON

@fairyoomi + @luvromis + @rilacry; we’ve been moots for So Long but i have no idea what to talk about w u so i get intimidated and don’t talk :( ily guys so much though, you’re really sweet and kind and your humor is literally top tier. this is so weird to say but reading ur self-ship posts makes me so happy bc i feel like i can be open about my self-ship too,, it rlly comforts me and makes me feel loved hehe. i miss talking to u guys even though it was barely anything and i rlly hope 2021 is the year we get closer!!

@sophiashortcake + @star-puff + @kurooskult; we’ve recently become mutuals but i love your vibes!! i really hope i get to interact with you more next year so we can become closer <3

@bunx; BIG SIS!! literally i feel so bad for not talking to u because you’re literally the blueprint :( i just don’t know what to talk about and then get all freaked out XBSKSJD i’ve stared at your disc so many times debating what to say cbsjs but anyway thank you so much for being here from the beginning! i know for a fact ill wouldnt be where i am today w/out u 🥺 ilysm bubs

other moots that made this year so much more beautiful i want to get closer too!: @haikoo, @4fterh0urs, @run-004, @sugasugawarau, @s4ijoh, @gg9183, @baeshijima 🥺💗💗, @kozu-mei , @kaguol ily all so so much, you all are such amazing ppl and i hope we get to talk more!!

[heliophilial]

𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒖𝒔 . (a tbz 3rd year anniversary special)

genre :angst ,fluff (more of brotherhood)

group and member involved :the boyz ,all members are involved !

between :the whole group and thebs hello cuties <3

warnings :u may or may not cry but i cried typing this so gluck ig HWUJDF

word count :844 (i didn’t count my notes to thebs and the boys in)

brief description :when all seems dull ,when times are grey ,it is only when we are together that the world gains its colour .theres no one else like you ,no one else like us ,theres really nothing like us .

playlist :literally just nothing like us by justin bieber like a 1 hr loop or smth ,depends on how long u take to read this

before you continue to read also please note that ‘we’ refers to thebs here !!

quiet .peaceful .light snores of the members filled the dorm .the room filled with nothing but darkness .black shade hovering over the members faces .they had just wrapped up a little celebration in the living room with cakes and party poppers to celebrate their 3rd year together not long ago .shortly after wrapping up the party ,they had fallen asleep on the couch ,all lying on one another comfortably .

sangyeon slowly blinked his eyes open .he rubbed his eyes and slowly unwrapped eric's hands from his waist and placed chanhee's legs that were on his lap onto the space of the sofa that he had previously occupied .careful to not wake the members up .

he looked at the members' sleeping forms and smiled ,glad that they were finally able to catch some rest after their packed schedules .he walked to the kitchen to fetch himself a glass of water and at the corner of his eyes ,he spotted a glimmering light .he placed his glass down and approached the light that was so very alluring for some reason .

there on the shelf of where all their awards have been placed on ,laid a book with its contents blinding his eyes with its bright light .he inspected the book for a while before proceeding to open it with caution .

inside the book ,there were sketches of the key moments the members have shared together such as their debut stage ,their first ever music show award as well as their first ever full length album promos .as he flipped to the first page that displayed their first moment together ,there were harsh winds blowing past him and a force from the book pulled him towards the page and right into it .

he looked at the 12 boys on stage ,introducing themselves for the first time to the whole wide world .and he looked at them with pride and honour in his eyes ,the boys' who had no idea what being idols would be like for themselves ,clueless of what the future had in store for them .he looked at them from the bottom of the stage and sucked in a breath ,"wow we've really grown a lot ."he thought .

after they had introduced themselves as a group and individually ,the sight in front of him suddenly pauses and his attention gets diverted to the door to his right .

he walked into the room .

he gets transported to the very first time they cried together ,over the pain ,over the stress ,over the tiredness of it all .

he looked at the 12 boys shedding tears of pain .he swallowed the lump in his throat ,the feelings of helplessness ,confusion ,fear coming washing over him once again as he sees the very moment they broke down .

tears flows down his face ,and that my friends are tears of the caretaker ,the leader ,the person whom the members depend on ,lee sangyeon .

as heavy as the weight he carried ,the tears poured like a fierce and powerful waterfall .

and then the door right next to him yet again invites him to step into yet another memory .

he steps onto the stage of road to kingdom ,and as he looks ahead the ending poses of all their road to kingdom stages are there right in front of him .all the members still and not moving ,just statures .

he walks down the long stretch ,as he looks at the legacy they left behind ,the power and strength ,the confidence from these stages that the members have gained progressively with each stage .

as he finally reaches the other end of the stage ,the screen opens up to when they had their 'the stealer'promotions .where they had their wins .

his smile grew wider and wider as he walked through all the performances they have done for the stealer and all the trophies they have gotten from the era .

and finally he reached another door .a door with a question mark on it .

he opens the door ,to pitch black .

darkness ,just darkness .and the fear in sangyeon grew ,"what does this darkness mean ?what is it gonna be for us ?"

suddenly , the door creaks open to reveal the members one by one .

sangyeon looks up at them and suddenly the fear stops ,hes no longer afraid as he looks into their eyes .

they ran to him and extended their hands out to him .

he proceeds to embrace all the members into a big tight group hug .drops of colour starts to paint the room ,slowly forming a picture showing the many stages they have performed ,every milestone theyve achieved ,the concerts ,every moment with their fans ,every moment together ,every vlives .everything starts out when theyre together .

we opened the door carefully ,proceeding to join our hands together and form a circle surrounding the boys .as we cried tears of joy and pride ,we hugged each other as well and this is when we knew

"theres nothing like us ,theres nothing like you and me ,together through the storm ."

for thebs

thank you for being one of the most caring ,loving ,welcoming and inclusive fandoms ever .to all the thebs all around thw world ,thank you for supporting them and giving them love as well .i love yall <3 lets protect them at all costs ♡

for my beloved boys

hello my loves ❤ik its 12 am in korea already but i still just wanna type this for you !so there's really a lot of things i want to say to you ,im sure many of us have already said whatever im about to say but i will still say it to remind you or to let you know that ,yes ,you do make me feel that way ,you do make me feel those kinds of feelings .

i dont know how ,like no nothing at all can show how grateful i am towards you .i cant tell you how many times there were this year when i just got beaten up (mentally)to the point that i couldnt even have the energy to stand back up and continue life normally .but whenever these times come ,ik i just know even though youre not here physically ,i know you want me to stop crying ,i know you would want me to stop hurting myself and i know you would stay with me even when my walls come crashing down onto me .you made me feel the greatest kind of happiness possible ,i never knew that this feeling was even possible to feel until i met you .

there was never a moment when i regretted stanning you ,supporting you and giving you all my heart and soul ,my energy ,everything .i just want you to know that you are so special ,so wonderful ,so incredibly talented ,so hardworking ,so beautiful ,just the most amazing bunch of people ever .ive never seen people so passionate ,so ready to help ,so genuinely loving and caring towards the people who love them .

i know its hard to be an idol ,and i know that its especially hard to even speak your mind ,speak what you wanna say without having the media chase you down .but i just wanna let you know that we are and will be by your sides forever .no matter what happens ,im sure ,very sure u know that u can run right back into our arms like how uve always welcome us back into urs .u are the people who made me feel the most bizarre feelings ,beyond happiness ,beyond joy ,beyond euphoria ,beyond all the feelings ive ever felt in my whole 16 years of living .

we are so proud of you of how far youve come ,how much youve accomplished .im so so proud ,so so happy to be able to call myself a fan of yours ,a theb ,someone who so dearly supports you .and i really hope you know that .i would wish for there to never be an end to this .for all i know ,im in this shit for life ,forever ,till the end .

im just so happy because of you ,i feel joy ,i see the light in life ,the reasons to live ,so much more prominent to me now because of you .there will come one day ,when we can finally see each other face to face and i can finally shout out to you ,my words of gratitude ,my words of thanks and my words filled with love and affection for you and just see your faces .but till then ,please take good good care of urselves ,rest well and eat well okay !we're always here ,remember !❤

its really been a rocky and crazy ride these 3 years ,you my friend ,are indeed the best character i can ever invite into my story 💜i hope youre sleeping tight ,i love you so much more than words can ever describe .with that ,happy 3 years to my favourites ,my loves ,my bbs ,my shining lights ,my everything ,happy 3 years to the boyz ❤💜💙💛 - berinne

[nctloveclub]

mamihlapinatapai

– pairing: mark lee x reader

– genre: angst!

– words: 2.25k

– a/n: its been a while since ive posted but i hope you like it :D i hope to get back into writing after putting it off for so long :(

(n.) a look shared by two people, each wishing that the other would initiate something they both desire but which neither wants to begin

you and mark were best friends, but the two of you haven't known each other long

like usually best friends have known each other since their childhood but you and mark had met in your second year of high school !

it wasn't anything extraordinary just simple. he ended up coming to class late and he had picked the seat next to you.

it was strange at first because it was like ??? ummm who ??? my friend usually sits there ???? (but they were home sick that day oooooh)

so the next day mark sits in the same seat next to you and when you're friend walks in they give you a look and you just shrug

they give you a wink and just sit in the seat in front of you

then that's when mark actually starts talking to you

hes a little shy at first just introducing himself to you and you do the same

at lunch mark ends up finding you and sits across from you

not gonna lie the air is a little awkward but two of you take the lunch period to actually talk and get to know each other

you find out that you had actually went to the same middle school but just in different friend crowds

the conversation was just simple

that's a word that would describe yours' and mark's relationship: simple

he was a breath of fresh air

he was something new, someone who you got along with

over the course of the year, the two of you had actually gotten closer and mark had actually befriended your other friend

"sorry i took your seat...."

your friend just looks at him and laughs, "dude its fine it's just a seat. if anything im glad you helped my little y/n get out of their shell."

you send a playful glare at your friend's way and continue the conversation you had with mark

eventually, your third year of high school has begun and the both of you are extremely close, like no one can separate the two of you

youre sad when you find out mark and you only share the same lunch period, having the same classes but different periods

"it's alright, i'll see you at lunch." he smiles and you nod, mark walking you to your first period

you dread your first day, making small talk with the people around you but you don't mind, impatiently waiting till lunch starts

you and mark immediately meet up, looking for a place to sit in the crowded cafeteria

you sit in a somewhat secluded area, there are still tables surrounding you but it's mostly away from the crowd

the two of you catch up and talk about how your first day has been going

soon enough lunch ends and mark's walking you to your 6th period

the day comes to an end and mark is waiting for you at the front of school, waiting to walk you home

"you know you don't have to walk me, you literally live in the opposite direction." you say as the two of you begin your walk

"i know, i do it because i want to." he replies nonchalantly and for the first time you feel something in your stomach

you feel butterflies in your stomach when mark walks you to your doorstep and they intensify when he gives you a hug before leaving

you watch as mark walks in the direction of his home and cant but wonder what the hell you were feeling

the school year continues to go on and everyday feels like a routine

mark walks you to school and first period, the day goes on, you meet at lunch and he walks you home

but as everyday passes, you cant help but feel more butterflies creep in your stomach as you see mark or when he holds your hand

what you didnt know was that mark had felt the same way, he had started to feel nervous around you, that he couldn’t think straight around you, you made his heart race and his face heat up

he started to become more affectionate towards you, holding your hand more often and wrapping his arm around you casually and also occasionally giving you forehead kisses

mark was just the sweetest boy ever and you couldn't believe that he really was your best friend, he made you feel like you were in a movie, that you were a protagonist in a love novel

he made you feel like you were on clouds and that whenever you were with him you felt like home

it took time for you to fully realize that you had fallen in love with your best friend

mark had also started to pick up on the fact that you were constantly blushing around him and he made you nervous

he felt a weight lifted off his chest, that maybe you reciprocated the feelings he had for you* but as they say, all good things must come to an end eventually

mark had told you that he wanted to become an idol, that music was his passion and something he wanted to pursue

of course you were supportive of him, you wanted to give the whole world to him

you always gave him words of encouragement and praised him for his talent

"remember me when you're famous mark." you say to him one day

"come on y/n, i'll never forget you. besides who said im gonna be famous one day, what if i don't end up making it anywhere?"

your eyes gape at him. "'mark are you serious? of course you're gonna be famous. you're one if the most talented people i know. if anyone were to become famous it would be you, you deserve it. you've worked so hard to achieve your dreams and you're an amazing rapper.

dont ever undermine yourself mark. and if anything, i'll always be here for you. i'll always be here to support you"

mark almost starts crying at your words and he can see the look the in your eyes that meant you meant every word you said

he didn't know what he did in his past life to deserve you but he's glad that he was able to meet you that fateful day

so mark begins his own training, starting to write songs, practice singing and dancing to become an idol

he tells you at lunch one day that a kpop company was gonna be holding global auditions next week and that he's gonna try

you're obviously excited for him and tell him to not worry and that he's gonna make it, that the company would be an absolute fool to not recruit him

then next week comes and mark misses a day of because of auditions

you don't mind, sending him a quick message telling him good luck !!! you got this dude :D

_also you'll be fine stop worrying :_p

the next day mark is back at school and he's anxiously waiting for the company to contact him to see if he made it to the second round

you notice it and reassure him that he'll be fine

but he looks at you and you notice that there's also something else on his mind, you don't question him yet though. he doesn't seem in the right head space

"mark what's wrong?" you ask as mark walks you home

your hand is intertwined in his, and he’s looking down on the sidewalk,

he looks up at you, "what do you mean?"

"at lunch, you seemed pretty anxious about the audition, but something else seemed off about you."

"well yeah im nervous. i think im gonna make it though, the audition was fine." he tells you and your brows furrow

"then whats the problem?" you ask, your voice more quiet

"the company is based in korea. i mean you already knew that but still. if i make it to second and end up passing it, i'll be moving to korea to become an idol." mark explains and your heart stops for a bit

the realization has sunk in your head

all this time you've been encouraging mark and letting him live out his dream but you never realized that you were gonna end up losing him

you feel your eyes start to water and you look up at him, already looking back at you

"dont cry, please." he tells you softly, bringing you into a hug, "i dont want to lose you but i can't hold you back." you whisper into his chest

"but what about us?" he asks, his voice sad

that question was hung in the air, what was gonna happen to you and mark?

you had come to fact that you were in love with him but this was his dream

maybe you could be selfish once, to tell him to stay, to try and pursue a career here, at home

but that wouldn't be fair to mark, this was something he dreamed about, you wouldn't allow yourself be the reason he stayed home

"nothing is gonna happen to us, i'll still be here to support you, even if you're thousands of miles away, i'll always be here for you."

the rest of the walk to your house was quiet, mark having attached you to his side and he didnt seem to plan to let you go anytime soon

when you arrived at your house, mark held you into his arms and his eyes looked into yours

you noticed the gleam in them, full of sadness and longing

you felt your mind screaming at you, to make the first move, to show mark how much you love him before it's too late

but you couldn't bring yourself to do it, it'd be too selfish

mark felt the same emotional turmoil

he wanted to hold you in his arms and just spend the rest of his life with you

he could see the sadness in your eyes and he realized what he would truly be giving up to achieve his dreams

his mind wanted him to just confess his love there, to just cup your cheeks and press his lips to yours

as the two of you gazed into each others eyes, you both came to the realization that you were both feeling the same thing

but the two of you couldn't bring yourself to do it, and with that you separated

mark had finally let go of your waist and you both moved away

you walk into your home and mark went to his

the next day mark tells you he made it to the second round and you give him a smile

a smile mark can see right through

he knows how heartbroken you feel and the pain you feel

he just wished he wasnt the cause of it

the school year is coming to an end and you'll become a senior

mark had ended up passing the second audition and he and his family would be moving to korea

the day he told you, you broke into tears

tears of joy and happiness but also of pain

you were beyond ecstatic for him, he was finally gonna achieve his dream of becoming an idol

but he was leaving, and you wouldnt know if he was ever gonna come back

the school year ends and mark tells you that he'll be moving to korea next week, where he'll be training and starting his senior year

you dread the next couple days

you and mark are inseparable, spending all the time you can before he goes

time goes by quick, one minute the two of you are having a movie night in your living room and the next you're saying your goodbyes at the airport

"i'm sorry y/n" mark tells you

"for what"

"for leaving."

"hey don't be sorry for that, you're pursuing something thats gonna make you happy and that's all i ever want from you, for you to be happy." you say, tears falling from your eyes

mark starts to cry at your words, his thumbs moving to wipe away your tears, which actually make them fall harder

he brings you into a hug and you look up at him and stare into his eyes one last time

the eyes that always made you happy, the eyes that always looked at you in adoration,

the eyes that always made you feel at home

the two can feel the longing the other holds, but you both can't bring yourself to do it

as the two of you continue to hug until mark has to leave you whisper the three words you've yearned to tell him

"i love you." you say, looking right into his eyes

"i love you too."

you hear mark's parents call for him, telling him that they have to board soon

the two of you finally separate and you're full on crying

mark begins to walk off before turning around and giving you one last smile, one you return through your tears

you watch as mark board and you wait and watch as his plane leaves, officially separating you from the boy you love

mark looks out the plane window, watching as the airport begins to get smaller and smaller

he lets out a sigh and feels his heart ache

you take out your phone and text mark, knowing he'll see it when he lands

i love you, dont forget me when you're famous ;)

"oh how could i ever forget you"

[yeoldontknow]

15 questions tag game

tagged by @chillingtae to do this fun game. thank you so much bright angel!! <3 i dont think ive ever seen questions like these around here so this is fun <3 

placing this under a cut because it is long !

1. It’s your birthday! What did you ask for and did you receive it?

uhm...im an old bean, and ive found that over time ive stopped asking for things necessarily and request more experiences. time spent with people matters more to me than items - i can pretty much buy things on my own if i want them. if im asking for anything id ask for money to put towards bills or savings or trips. this year i asked my parents for some money to convert to yen before i went to japan, which they gave me. of my friends, i asked if we could go for dinner and drinks which was a lovely evening <3 

2. What was the last song or album you listened to?

song = Kvrt in Space by Fraunhofer Diffraction

album = 1 Billion Views by EXO-SC

3. What is your go to snack when you’re hungry or bored?

depends on my energy level. usually chips and veggies with hummus because i dont have to make anything. my ultimate snack is popcorn so i have to be careful about how often i have it because i could eat an entire trucks worth and not feel the least bit guilty.

4. What is your morning routine?

check emails. text parents. catch up on group chats. roll out of bed and wash up. feed the cat. start the day!

5. What mythical/cryptic creature would you be?

god probably some bog witch or oracle on a mountain

6. How do you interact with someone that you don’t like?

i dont. if they are interacting with me i will be polite but the conversation will be curt and brief. 

7. How do you define a toxic person?

=> habits of  dishonesty, manipulation, gaslighting, deflection of blame for wrong doings  => reacting to criticism or conflict rather than responding => engaging or meddling or perpetuating drama simply for the attention, thrill/endorphins of it => someone who drains your energy in their company rather than heals it => inability to admit they were wrong or let situations go

8. Have you ever been to a concert or fan meet type of event? If not, would you want to?

ive been to a significant amount of concerts in my life. i love love love concert going and, before quarantine, i would list this activity as one of my favorite hobbies. while not a fan meet event, ive wound up meeting and becoming acquainted with a number of musicians - either by running into them on the street, working with them in some capacity, waiting in the queue before doors, waiting after a show, etc. i once was able to attend an after party of a show with @queenoftheimpala because i knew what a tubulum was after a band member jokingly posted about it on twitter and we started talking. one of my all time favourite bands provides ticket packages which are both a ticket to the show and an earlier event in which there are panels with therapists discussing the importance of mental health etc etc. 

regarding kpop, i have not attended a fanmeet and tbh i dont think i would. the set up feels unnatural, and it is not that i want to spend hours talking with an artist but it feels very rushed and not entirely personal enough for me to express what id truly want to say. this is just my opinion. i know many fans have attended these events and have had a wonderful time. i just dont think this would suit my energy as im quite introverted and feeling rushed would make me anxious.

9. Do you believe in astrology? Why or why not?

oh for sure i do. when you research charts, planets, alignments, etc etc it can be quite revealing when it comes to personality traits, needs, expectations. while i dont believe it accounts for every single thing about a person (upbringing and societal/cultural influence matter too) it can account for the fundamentals. astrology, tarot, and light work have seen me through some extremely difficult situations in my life and reading tarot/charts has helped me understand why i feel what i feel on certain days.

10. If you had only one sense (hearing, touch, sight, etc.), what would you want?

i rely so heavily on all my senses that i just...dont even know how to pick this. i think id go with touch. taste is a sense omg you mean i cant taste food anymore? oh god. ok uh yeah im still gonna go with touch. touch helps you feel the connection with other people - hugs, hand holding. sounds have waves which you can feel on the body. the earth has texture. touch is how the body relates spatially to other and to itself so yeah i would go with touch.

11. Who is your favourite celebrity or idol?

non kpop = prince, david bowie, chris corner, maynard james keenan....mostly its women. rihanna or sabrina claudio or rosalia. women in the root of their power and sensuality. they are unforgiving in their bodied expressions and i respect them so much. they are unforgiving in their femininity. 

kpop = chanyeol lmao like....unfailingly so

12. If you could talk to your favourite celebrity(s) for a limited time, what would you tell them?

for the non kpop celebrities = im usually just really supportive of women in the entertainment/arts industries so id love to just hear their stories. in this instance i dont think me saying anything is beneficial, more that its important we listen to their journies and their path to success. they have a lot to teach us. chris corner ive met several times and have had many amazing conversations with so in this instance, id just ask if hes doing well, how california is, how his dogs are, give him the update on my tattoo plans etc. for maynard...idk just cry because hes the celebrity ive loved since i was like 4 years old.

kpop = if i had the chance to talk to chanyeol i think like...id just like to talk about his music, thank him for having women as his video editors/videographers, ask his genre tastes, talk about the sheer amount of retro/nostalgia modes on the recent sc album. maybe talk about astronomy. thank him for his power and remind him to eat and that he doesnt need to master everything. achieving perfection is a pursuit of pain, all he has to achieve is happiness within himself. again, remind him to eat.

13. I’m taking you out on a date and it’s your choice. Where are we going?

oooo lets go to an arcade and for dinner. theres some really great barcades in lower manhattan and on LES we can get some amazing dumplings for really cheap and just have a night of talking, playing games, drinking. then maybe walk along the river before we catch the trains home

14. Do you like sweet or savory foods?

my sweet tooth has a limit so while i do like sweet im more into savory

15. Do you have any band merchandise or merchandise from any of your favourite artists? If so, what?

i have a lot of band tees, signed posters, albums of theirs theyve signed for me. i have some drum sticks given to me by a few bands, signed set lists. one band gave me a turntable slip cover. i have a few first press or numbered records that ive framed. i have some lightsticks from when i attended some kpop shows. ive got lots of stuff!

tagging: @yehet-me-up @queenoftheimpala @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @j-pping @yoonia @jamaisjoons @ditzymax @jiminiethot @blackberrykai @hkynm @ninibears-erigom @readyplayerhobi @imdifferentshadesofpurple @red-exo and anyone else who wants to do this. as always please only do so if youre comfortable <3 

[dinokeis]

self ship with tsukki things

putting this under a read more bc it’s actually really long and i go off on a tangent quite a lot

also i know this is really unrealistic but let a girl live out her dreams :”-)

how we met + first impressions:

so im an exchange student at tsukki’s university

lets just assume i can already speak pretty fluent japanese OK

we met through common friends

like we were planning a surprise birthday party for said friend and we both had to communicate with each other to plan it and all

tsukki hates parties but he felt bad if he didnt help out at least since this friend was his roommate after all and his roommate did help him cover some chores occasionally

so during the actual day of the party we “officially” met and tsukki was being all snarky and his usual salty self and i was like “ok who is this tree and why is he so salty” but i just brushed it off bc i aint got the time to deal with it

THEN HE PROBABLY SAYS SOME SNARKY REMARK TOWARDS ME LIKE i was trying to put up the birthday banner or something and make sure it’s aligned but im short so the struggleTM is real and tsukki sees it and hes like “wow even on a chair you still need to tiptoe”

and im like “??????? at least i dont get hit in the face by door frames” yes i know im lame i cant think of a comeback nOW

and in tsukki’s head hes like “OH?” bc people usually dont sass him back and hes just so amazed and that i dont look japanese but i speak fluent japanese ???

so he got curious and just snooped around and found out that im actually an exchange student and then he kinda gets interested in me bc i make pretty good snarky remarks and we both have the same vibes and all issa same tired of your shit energy

also when i got a proper look at tsukki i was like “the tall guy in the glasses is hella cute” AND I LOVE HIS SALTY REMARKS TOO

i took the first step and like contacted him and befriended him and we both found out more about each other and got closer

how we got together + dates:

ok so im stupid and i actually cant tell when someone likes me you have to actually spell it out for me

tsukki and i spent a lot of time together like just the both of us and we both studied together and ate together whenever we had the time

tsukki is smart and he wants to keep his grades up and im just trying my best to even pass i am so bad at studies but we’re both in different majors so we just study together and make sure that we dont get distracted and lazy (me especially)

i drag him to school events he didnt plan on going initially

so like we had a lot of “dates” to cafes, libraries, me just crashing at his dorm room

i go support him at his volleyball matches and he does the same for me at my table tennis matches

somewhere along the way i get confused with my feelings and all like do i like like him or am i just being nice ???? what if he doesnt like me back ??? what do i do ???? but i dont tell anyone about it and i mainly keep it to myself 

and tsukki realises that he likes me but he doesnt act on those feelings bc i didnt exactly show any “signs” of liking him back

so here comes the slow burn and all our friends can tell we both like each other but one is stupid and the other is stubborn and they both know that we both will just give them the death glare about it

until the last week left of my exchange and im packing up my things to fly back home and tsukki is helping me pack

and he saw that i had put up a picture of the both of us from one of his volleyball matches (it was my favourite picture of us) and in that moment he realizes that he might have a chance bc i dont exactly like to put pictures up and ive said that only if it meant a lot to me i would put it up

so he just went like “fuck it shes leaving and god knows when i’ll see her again”

AND HE JUST TELLS ME “so uh i like you”

and im just in shock and all and i start crying bc like i came here for exchange and to make memories but here i am falling in love with this tall french fry and now im going back soon and basically im overwhelmed with emotions

and tsukki doesnt know what to do bc he has never actually seen me cry ??? i dont cry in front of people unless im really comfortable with you and trust you wholely

hes trying to comfort me and figure out what to do and i tell him everything that i had bottled up and was feeling

AND THEN after i had calmed down he went and bought a whole strawberry shortcake and we just ate the entire thing in one sitting

i love strawberry shortcake i refuse to have any other cake but that for my birthdays

on the day i had to fly back home tsukki sent me to the airport and he asked me if i wanted to give us a try especially with the long distance and i said yeah bc like im already in deep and i love him with my whole ass heart

after:

when im back home we facetime and talk to each other everyday

my parents asked how my exchange was and i told them about everything

except i left the part out about me and tsukki getting together and stuff bc yknow they would probably kill me if they knew i FELL IN LOVE

but they soon picked up on it bc like who is this dude im facetiming everyday and im talking in japanese too instead of english and they suspected

so my mum just casually “you guys are together right”

and i cant deny it bc im as red as a tomato

during one of his breaks he actually flies over to visit me and im just A CRYING MESS AGAIN bc this boy would do anything for me even though he acts all unbothered on the outside

he flew all the way to see me im :”-)

HE MEETS MY PARENTS

my mum, upon seeing him personally for the first time: *looks at me and goes* “why are you so short”

me: “hes ???? literally ????? a tREE ??????” (also mum youre only slightly taller than mE)

tsukki is all nervous bc my parents dont speak japanese so he has to speak to them in english and hes worried that his english isnt good enough but MY MUM IS ALREADY IN LOVE WITH HIM AND MY DAD TOO

my mum says his english is better than mine

we’re still together even after we both graduate and i decide to move to japan so no more long distance and we get to see each other more !! (plus ive always wanted to move to another country and now i have an actual reason too !!!)

also we both have a killer death glare get on our wrong side and prepare to die

basically i love this tall salty boy and i would die for him

everyone wonders how i deal with his salty ass but it’s just im equally salty and we both love that about each other

THE END

-

also im just gonna tag @raevaioli bc i wanna see the raeji ;-)

[drkcnry67]

marry me?

Title: marry me?

Pairing: Jensen x reader

Fluff: engagement

Rating: G

Tags: none that I can think of, kissing, taking shots, proposals, getting down on one knee, saying yes to the rest of your forever.

Mentioning: @sweetness47

Created for @spnfluffbingo

Fluff list   part 1   part 2   part 3

by this point you have had an amazing almost 2 years. fell head over heels with a man who makes you feel like your more than just a top notch ace reporter. 

you confessed your feelings for said man at a wedding you were supposed to be covering not making a huge fool of yourself. your best friend well she had also found love, hers wasnt as vaste as yours but she got the other half of a very stunning package. 

the article written by your best friend Beth became your new fave article. though you still wrote fabulous wedding articles, that story put beth on the article map. your editor loved it, loved the entire scope, the plot, everything. 

she also enjoyed meeting the men who had enriched both yours and beth’s lives. Jensen and Jared the two men who had stolen your hearts, had decided that you both were important enough to keep. 

what you didnt know is that on this day the anniversary of when you had first met Jensen would be the day that your life would change once more. this time a bit more drastically i suppose the story shall continue from hence forth. 

we pick up in the penthouse you and Jensen are living in, both of you preparing for date night. well double date night anyway. it was the one thing both couples could agree to do, once a week both couples went on a double date. it was that easy. 

Jensen knew you had just finished your shower, he didnt care he was having trouble finding what he wanted to wear.

Jensen: hey babe, where is my dark navy faded jeans?

YN: on top of the dresser in the pile of clothes you still need to put away.

jensen: oh umm right silly me. 

YN: do you want me to wear my hair up or down?

Jensen: half and half, its gonna be a magical day. one that has been planned for a while now. one that we both will not soon forget. 

now you were really curious, he said this had been planned for a while… what the hell could the surprise be. 

YN: why do i not get to know where we are going?

Jensen: cause that would spoil the fun of the surprise. now ive laid out your outfit on the bed hurry up we have a schedule to keep. 

YN: schedule. babe we have never had any kind of schedule other than when you are filming. so what are you planning? and why this outfit? 

Jensen comes over to you and kisses you to get you to stop talking. thats when he pulled back looking at you with smiling faces. 

Jensen: so curious babe, why cant you just enjoy the surprise for once. 

YN: fine ill put it on and enjoy whatever you have planned. but im gonna say this you better have something extra special planned otherwise you will have me to deal with.

Jensen: never fear babe i will always have lots of surprises for you from this day forth. now what kind of mischief can we get into if you dont put on your outfit. or do you want me to put it on you?

YN: I can do it but it’s just I haven’t used this outfit since our anniversary last year.. Why do I need to wear it again, not that I’m complaining…

Jensen: just do it and when we get into the car i have to blindfold you and cover your ears so that way you dont spoil the rest of the surprise. 

now you were curiouser, this made you pull Jensen onto the bed and pin him there… 

YN: why do you insist on tormenting me like this? 

Jensen could only smile as he flipped you onto the bottom as he held you there. 

Jensen: cause its fun now hurry up and get ready we are gonna be late.

the following happened like this:

you finish getting ready

both you and jensen walk out of the apartment and down to a limo where jared and beth are waiting. 

beth and you both are curious as you both are blindfolded and ears are covered before you both are allowed to exit the vehicle. 

once Jared and Jensen knew it was safe for you both to see and hear again they were to remove the blindfolds and earplugs. 

you both are revealed to be in the airport. you both plea to your men but they instead of saying anything give you both money to go and buy anything from the boutiques. 

you both come back with another backpack and a whole bunch of things. random objects, but ones that would provide great entertainment later on. come fancy things in case of whatever your boyfriends had planned. 

then Jared and Jensen ear plugged you both when the flight number was called. though they had spoken to the flight attendant when you both were gone, told them of their plan, told them that you both would have ear pluggs in when you both board. 

both you and beth still oblivious, as the boys remove the ear plugs as the plane takes off. thats when it made you both question really badly. Where your boys were taking you.

the flight wasn’t long but one of the boys sat in the aisle then the respective girl would sit beside then so on and so forth. The one on the end would get informed when it was time to blindfold and ear plug you both again. 

 Sure enough you both were unsure of how much time had passed, but eventually one of the flight attendants came round and whispered something to the guy on the end. It was ear plug and blindfold time again. 

You both didn’t question when the guys did their handy work of blindfold and earplug it wasnt like you were strangers to it. Jared and jensen led you both off the plane, through the busy airport and into the taxi landing bay. 

They unplugged both your ears. 

Jared: in a moment we will take off your blindfolds but first we want you both to listen to the sounds. What do you both hear.? 

You and Beth listened very carefully to the sounds around you both. 

YN: people talking 

Beth: something about taxis so we are definitely on a taxi landing of some kind. 

Yn: the smell in the air is familiar. Wait a minute. I think I know where we are I just hope I’m right. 

Jensen: you both may step forward and remove your blindfolds. I guarantee you both that where we are is gonna be a fun spot for all of us. 

You and Beth remove your blindfolds, your eyes land on the sight before you of a place where your story had began all those years ago. 

Yn: you did this? 

Jensen: happy anniversary sweetheart! Now we need to find a taxi or a ride or something. 

You look around and you start walking toward the person at the small stand near by. 

Yn: excuse me sir, I was wondering if you had any cars available to rent? 

Rental dude: what kind of car were you looking for? 

Yn: do you have anything sporty but easy to get in and out of? 

Rental dude: what about a lack 2021 jeep wrangler Rubicon unlimited 4x4? 

Yn: can you show it to me? 

The guy flips round his monitor and shows you the car, you whistle and the others bring the bags to where you are. 

Yn: babe can I use the card? 

Jensen: what kind of vehicle are we getting. 

Yn: you will see. Now sir, do I need to sign anything. 

The rental guy laid out papers told you to sign/ initial at the spots marked with “x” that’s what you did. Then he handed you the papers in an envelope, the license plates and insurance for the vehicle and then sent you guys to the spot where the vehicle was. 

You led your boyfriend, best friend and her boyfriend to the vehicle. Their eyes went wide as they loaded the bags into the jeep. 

Jensen: babe this is style. But whose driving? 

Yn: me silly cause I have a feeling I know where we are staying. The place where we spent our vacation together.

Jensen: correct, now everyone in the vehicle so we can get this show on the road. commence vacation immeidately.

everyone piled into the vehicle and you began to slowly pull out of the parkade. you hit the highway and sped up, within 45 min you were pulling into the resort. you told the guard that your reservation was under Ackles. 

the guard handed you a packet with park passes, roomkeys, parking pass and your receipt. along with the list of nearby stores, and the hours for the resorts amenities. and then opened the gate for you to drive through. 

upon arriving at the parking space you handed a room key to Beth discovering it was a side by side. this vacay just got a whole lot better. 

You all seperated into accommodations to settle in. 

Jensen: I have made reservations at gastons where we shared that big plate of nachos and grab us some champagne to celebrate the start of our vacation!

YN: i like that idea. i wanna get out of these shoes first. i want to put on something more suited for walking in the parks that wont kill my feet. these heels will kill my feet from walking through the park. 

you sat down to take off your heels but Jensen was now kneeling by your feet undoing them for you. he placed gentle kisses on your legs as he removed the shoes from your feet. 

he then slid on your slip on runners. he smiled as he got off the floor, helped you up and he spun you around like the love struck man he was. you had no idea what was about to happen but you were gonna enjoy yourself. 

now in comfy shoes you and jensen head to meet up with jared and beth as you all head to the car and head off to main street magic kingdom. To where you and jensen first met. Course ya know it was also to enjoy the fireworks and eat the nachos and such as well.

you look around still amazed by everything you see around you. but you are the way Jensen kept looking at you was what made you feel normal. like the disaster at the wedding of Misha and vic didnt almost ruin your reputation. 

your vacation was finally in the bag, your happiness was now in sight. your new life awaited but nothing would prepare you for events of the future. upon your arrival to Gastons tavern, Jensen had started talking to the waitress, she took something from him and smiled as she led you all to a booth.

Jensen could not help but smile, all he could do was smile. he was beyond excited for what he was about to do.

waitress: welcome to Gaston’s is this your first time here?

Jensen: for me and the lady across from me no, but the other 2 yes. can we get 4 rounds of your finest house shots right away, and 4 glasses of your finest champagne and bring the item. on a tray with the shots.

waitress: coming up sir. your shots will be out in a moment.

thankfully for jensen you were too engaged in conversation with Beth and Jared to hear what jensen had discussed with the waitress. Jensen placed his arm around your shoulders, his own breathing shifted, he was nervous about what was about to happen.

Jensen: ah good shots. we each get one i have a toast to make. but ill make the toast after we take the shots. now i dont know whats in these but they are sure to be good. on 3.

You all swig back your shots, Jensen kisses you after you both have downed yours. Then Jensen turns to you and smiles as he gets up from his seat and whistles to get the restaurants attention.

Jensen: I invite you all to bare witness to this momentous occasion. Me and my girlfriend are celebrating 2 years together this very day. I have to know YN did I mention that I'm in love with you.

That's when music starts playing. And jensen begins to sing.

Jensen: I met this girl who rocked my world like it's never been rocked and now I live just for you and I won't ever stop, I never thought that it could happen to a guy like me but now look at what you've done you have got me down on one knee.

You look down and see Jensen kneeling in front of you.

Jensen: it's us against the world, us against those who are jealous, those who dare to throw outrageous accusations our way or print stuff that isnt true. now and evermore i will have the most gorgeous woman on my arm. Will you do me the honor of marrying me.?

The entire restaurant now looking at you as Jensen unveiled the 24k rose gold emerald cut diamond ring surrounded by yours and Jensen's birthstones.

You begin nodding your head before your mouth would let you speak.

Yn: yes yes yes yes a thousand times yes!!!

You felt the cool metal ring slide around your finger as Jensen helped you off your seat and kissed you in front of the entire restaurant.

Lifting both your hands in the air he then yelled.

Jensen: shots for the entire restaurant on me. She said yes!!!

Then he turned to you and you leaned in his ear.

Yn: descendants 3 proposal nice touch.

Jensen: thanks to our best friends for helping set this up.

the hugs and congratulations poured in from everyone in the tavern. it wasnt till a few hours later as well as several shots and drinks later that you, jensen, beth and Jared all exited and went to watch the fireworks. 

the moment of yours and jensen’s first kiss under the fireworks was just recreated. you and jensen waited till the first firework cracked lighting up the sky before creating once more your first kiss. 

~to be continued~

[patrocool]

i.

It was early morning in Financial District. Commuters bustled around the siblings as they exited the subway station onto William Street. The pair stopped abruptly in front of the shop just outside of the station, much to the dismay of a woman behind them, who nearly ran into them with a curse.

Sarah Jacobs had worked hard to get to this point. And damn it, she was proud of herself. Sure, it didnt look like a lot right now- a tiny little hole in the wall right next to the entrance to the A and C train that was probably about the size of her bedroom in her tiny Manhattan apartment- but it was hers and she was proud to own the place.

Davey held up the key with a soft smile. "Planning on going in any time soon?" He asked lightly. She grinned as she took the key from his fingers and unlocked the door, stepping in. It was musty, dusty, dirty, and a bit stuffy, but none of that mattered. What mattered was what it was going to look tomorrow, and then the next day, and the day after that.

She clapped her hands together and set down her bag of cleaning supplies. "We've got a lot of work to do, Davey!"

ii.

Davey carefully placed the finishing touches on the flowers in stock, making them look nice in their holders. He stepped back, hands on his hips, and smiled. He turned to watch his sister as she carefully wrote the last few things on her chalkboard behind the counter.

The store looked perfect. Picturesque, to the point where Davey wouldnt be surprised if photographers came in looking for the perfect picture. Sarah set down her chalk and brushed her fingers off on her apron. She turned, nervously brushing stray hairs behind her ears, and straightening her light blue blouse. "Hows it look, David?"

He gave her two thumbs up. "It looks like a hipster's wet dream," he promised her teasingly.

She laughed and threw a rag at him. "You're such an ass, get out of my store with your gross face! You're gonna be late for class."

He snickered and leaned over the counter to grab his bag. "I'll turn on the open sign and unlock the door on my way out. If I dont, you probably never will."

As he left, he saw a young woman hesitating outside, looking curious. He held the door open. "Going in?" He asked.

She shook her head and hurried away down the street. He shrugged and headed to class. Sarah would have customers soon enough.

iii.

After the fourth day of trying to peek in the flower shop to and from class, Katherine Plumber finally gave in and slipped inside. A soft ring of the bell alerted the quiet shop, and she looked around in awe. Exposed brick on one wall, plants in baskets hung from the ceiling, fairy lights strung across the walls. Beautiful displays of potted plants and cut flowers alike. A chalkboard hung behind the counter listed prices and deals and specials, and then the most beautiful woman Katherine had ever laid eyes on came out of the back room, smiling brightly at the sight of a customer.

Dark hair in loose curls that reached her ribs, brown eyes that seemed to sparkle in the light, circle frame glasses perched on her nose. She wore a yellow turtleneck and high waisted mom jeans with scuffed converse, and a well worn apron. On her apron, someone stitched in the name "Sarah" with blue thread.

"Can I help you with anything?" The shopkeeper asked her cheerfully, and Katherine never felt more out of place.

"Just- just looking," she stammered awkwardly. She tugged at the sleeves of her leather jacket, glancing down at the pins and patches adorning it and hoping there wasnt anything that the sweet shopkeeper would take the wrong way. Usually, she didnt care if other people didnt like her opinions, but damn it, the girl was pretty as all get out, and her big ass "punch nazis in the face" patch on her back didnt really fit with the whole soft flower shop vibe.

She bit her lip, looking at the plants and trying not to stare at the girl. She focused on the many different colors of roses instead.

"'Fuck Cops'- now that's a sentiment I can get behind," the girl said, but she was so much closer this time, and Katherine jumped at the sudden noise.

Katherine blinked slowly. "Oh, uh. Yeah," she said, and laughed a little, internally cringing. God, she sounded like an idiot.

She giggled. "Sorry, I'm just excited to see a customer. I havent had a lot so far, I just opened a couple days ago."

"I know," Katherine said quickly, and quickly winced when the girl cocked a brow. "Sorry, no, I meant, I know you opened a couple days ago, I take the A train to school every day, so."

She snorted and nodded. "I see, a bit less creepy when you put it like that," she said teasingly. She held out a hand to shake. "I'm Sarah. Welcome to Newspaper Row Flowers."

"Katherine," she replied, shaking her hand. She smiled a bit. "You know Newspaper Row was actually over on Park Row, right? Next to City Hall?"

Sarah laughed, cheeks pink. "Oh, I know. It's because my great grandmother used to own a flower shop over next to the old Tribune building on Park Row, and that's what she called it. She lost her shop in the Depression though, and died when I was young, and it was my mom's dream to open a flower shop in her honor. She never managed to, and uh. Well, she died too, a couple years ago, so I did it."

Katherine's heart felt like it was melting in her chest. God, how could she already have so much affection for this girl she only just met? "I'm sorry for your loss. But you've really created something wonderful here, and I'm sure they would both be proud."

Sarah beamed, and Katherine would do anything to make her smile like that again.

iv.

"And so Davey's like 'what the fuck', and Les is like 'who is this guy' and Jack is straddling the windowsill, looking at us like he expects my dad to get a gun, and finally, Dad is like 'hes not Catholic, is he?' And poor Davey is like 'no, pa', and for some godforsaken reason, Mom assumes that means hes Jewish. And knowing he doesnt have a family, immediately invites- and by invites, I mean loosely intimidated- Jack to come celebrate all holidays with us. And so now, instead of breaking it to Mom that Jack isnt religious, Davey just let's them believe it. Cause I mean, they're pretty fine with the whole gay thing, but god forbid we be romantically involved with someone who isnt Jewish." Sarah finished explaining with a laugh and roll of her eyes. "So yeah, that's why Jack is here fucking around with a dreidel even though Hanukkah has passed. Hes convinced that theres a secret trick to it that he has to master by next year."

Jack looked up and pouted sourly in her direction. "We all know Davey cant be that good based on luck alone!" He said for the thousandth time.

Katherine laughed, elbows on the counter. Her red curls were pulled back in a ponytail and she had her signature leather jacket on. "Sounds like your family is a real fun bunch. Ironically, my dad is the exact opposite, he doesn't care if I dont marry into a Jewish family, but he very much cares if I marry a girl."

Sarah made a face. "Gross. He sounds like such an ass whenever you talk about him."

Katherine nodded. "Probably because he is," she said very seriously. And then the two erupted into giggles.

"Ew, go get a room," Jack complained.

"You're in my shop, Kelly!"

V.

"Sarah, I need your help with something." Katherine came in looking nervous, an expression Sarah rarely saw on her friend.

"Of course, anything, what do you need?" Sarah said immediately, abandoning the flowers she was making out of newspapers.

Katherine swallowed, pausing. Her fingers fidgeted with the necklace around her neck. "Um. Well. There's uh... there's this girl I really like. And she... she's just amazing, and I want to tell her that I really like her. And she loves flowers, so..."

Sarah smiled and cooed, even though her chest hurt an awful lot. "That's so-" heartbreaking? Disappointing? Sad? "-cute! Flowers are such a good way to express feelings. Do you want to do it through flower language or do you have specific flowers you want to do it with?"

Katherine bit her lip. "Well, I was hoping a bit of both, but I'm not sure what kind of flowers she likes, so I was hoping you'd help with that."

Sarah nodded. "Of course! Let's get to work, hm?"

In the end, the bouquet consisted of red carnations (admiration), gardenias ("you're lovely"), mistletoe ("kiss me"), and white violets ("let's take a chance on happiness"). Sarah very gently wrapped the stems in newspaper and tied it with some twine while Katherine wrote something on a card.

Katherine paid and took the bouquet from Sarah, carefully fixing the card in it. She stayed after the transaction, simply standing there and staring at the flowers in her arms.

"What are you waiting for? Go get your girl!" Sarah chastized with a laugh. She needed Katherine to leave so she could take an early lunch and cry a little.

"You're right," Katherine said. She took in a big breath and let it out slowly before jutting her arms out, offering the bouquet. "Here."

"What?" Sarah asked, eyebrows furrowed. "Did you change your mind or-"

"They're for you," Katherine said, staring at the wall. "Just- read the card?"

Sarah blinked slowly and took the bouquet carefully, and opened the card.

In it was written simply:

"I like you, Sarah. Have since I first came into your shop. And I'd like you even more if you went to dinner with me?"

Sarah very gently put the bouquet down on the counter. And then she kissed Katherine.

+1

A year and a half later, Sarah come home to find a bundle of myrtle at her place on the table. Instead of a string, there was a ring. Myrtle, the Hebrew emblem of marriage.

Katherine cleared her throat, smiling softly. "Your parents will have at least one kid who marries into a Jewish family. If-if you say yes, that is."

Sarah's eyes filled with tears. "How could I not?"

[spooks-can-write]

The Babysitter

Nestor x Reader

Summary: Emily hires you to babysit Cristobal (this is apart from the actual tv series events) and you and Nestor have some...tension. im bad at summaries ok.

Warnings: no smut just tension lmao. Cursing. Some predatory behavior, nothing beyond that.

Word count: idk tbh its longER tho bc i cant be short im s o r r y.

Hope yall enjoy 💞

The door chimed as you walked into the coffee shop, immediatley seeing Emily beam as she saw you made you loose a tension you didnt know you were holding. After leaving your last job abruptly you had been busy trying to get your shit together and through the struggle you were glad to take a break to see your old babysitter and childhood friend Emily.

"Hey (y/n)!" She stood up, you noted motherhood suited her well. She seemed more at peace now.

"Hey Em!" You looked down to see Cristobal sweetly sleeping in his noteably expensive stroller.

"So..." she seemed eager "I was talking with Miguel and we know you're...well...looking for a new job and place to stay so we thought it'd be perfect if you stayed with us as Cristobals full time nanny."

You were caught off gaurd to say the least "Oh, uh that does sounds great but i dont have any experience really."

"Dont worry well figure it out and ill be there in the beginning till you settle in. Trust me."

You thought you didnt have many other places to go either way and being in a stable enviornment would be good for a change. Fuck it.

"When can i start?"

Nannying was going better than you thought. It helped that Cristobal was more than well behaved but also you kind of had a knack for it. Not to mention the mansion Emily lived in. The only problem from time to time was that asshole with the cornrows. He always blatantly ignored you or just stared at you until you left the room. You thought long and hard about what you did to piss him off and couldnt think of a single thing, so you decided he was just an asshole.

You needed to check with Miguel about taking Cristobal to the park, going to his office you just found Nestor standing next to an empty desk.

"Where is Miguel?"

He didnt respond.

"Where.Is.Miguel?" You ask with more attitude than you meant.

He blinked like he didnt understand.

"Nestor!" You raised your voice

"He stepped out. He'll be back in 10." His calm tone didnt match yours. You instantly felt embaressed to have been rude. Shit.

"Thanks" you walked out wishing you had been more calm

--------------------------

When you walked in he looked up, thinking it was miguel, to see you. You were wearing that new top he liked. It hugged your curves. The sun was hitting your face making you glow.

Fuck you were beautiful. He wanted to shove the chair out of the way and grab you and kiss you more than he ever wanted anything he knew he couldnt have.

Shit. You looked mad.

"Nestor!"

He gathered his thoughts

He watched you walk out. His stomach twisted that you seemed mad at him. Fuck.

----------------------

They were supposed to be gone all day so you were walking around the house, bouncing and humming a hymn to Cristobal in your pjs. He slowly fell asleep as you walked around the stairs to the den, you stopped dead.

You were met with the eyes of Miguel, Devante, Nestor, and a fair skinned man with a lot of jewlery and a shit eating grin as his eyes obviosuly roamed your body. You were just wearing a little bit too short of shorts and a tank top that cristobals sleepy hand was tugging down. You felt your stomach twist and cheeks flush.

"Sorry-I I didnt know anyone was home, he was getting fussy so.." you trailed off as Miguel stood up giving you a look you couldnt read. You looked over to Nestor and he looked upset.

"Dont worry mija we were just finishing up." Miguel said, like he meant it.

"Actually" the strange man stood, still undressing you with his eyes. It was starting to piss you off.

"Miguelito i think we should wait till my party next saturday to...finalize this deal huh?" He said with that same grin.

"Por supuesto" miguel said as he ushered the man to the other side of the room, talking to each other in spanish too quiet for you to decipher.

You felt stuck in your place. You focused on Cristobals breath against your chest. Trying to let it calm you. You noted more of the man. He looked dangerous. Emily told you Miguel was a international businessman and you believed her till you came here. You werent stupid enough to ask exactly what he did but you also werent stupid enough to believe he was just a businessman either.

The men came back and stood in front of you for a beat.

"Hey listen im really sorry i thought everyone was gone-" you started

"No worries chiquita, but do you have a passport?" Devante asked, eyebrow raised

-----------------------------

"Well if im being whored out i mine as well look good right?" You said smoothing down the soft rose gold satin dress as Emily and Dita sang your praises.

"How many times do i have to tell you (y/n) he just told Miguel he wanted to see you at the party, hes not going to do anything and we won't let him anyways." Emily reassured you, doing your hair.

"You're a part of the family now mija, this is our job as the women." You knew that comment was true, you saw it with your own eyes and that made it sting even more.

You were doing it for the sake of Emily and her family you told yourself. Plus you did look amazing in the dress.

You tugged at the zipper of the dress, it wouldn't budge.

"Hey em, can you-" you turned to see nestor at the door.

"I can if you want" his voice was gentle. Not that he was ever callous with you but it felt deliberate.

"Yeah sure" you half whispered, surprised it got caught in your throat.

He walked over. You moved your hair in front as he gently pulled the zipper up. Touching it when he was done. You turned.

"Listo?" He asked

You nodded, following. Feeling a flutter in your chest.

The drive to mexico was beautiful and serene. You mind did wander to Nestor and how sweet he was to you. You wondered if it was a fluke. Maybe he felt sorry for you. You tried not. to feel sorry for yourself.

You arrived to what looked like a castle. It had the guards with machine guns and everything. You found humor in that, as the situation sank in, you weren't scared.

It you were honest with yourself even when Nestor was cold to you, you always felt safe with him.

You all got out of the car, you last, as Nestor helped you onto the uneven stones. It'd been a minute since you wore heels.

"Dont worry." He leaned down to talk close to you, squeezing your hand. You met his smile.

The music was loud as you walked in. People were dancing and the mariachis were amazing. You were thankful to sit next to emily and dita. You felt eyes on you from men and their wives. You tugged your dress up. Definitley not the most revealing at the party but apparently it was enough.

"Its because you are not married" Dita told you, a comforting hand on your shoulder. "They are jealous" She smiled. It didnt make you feel better. You tried to focus on the drink in front of you.

The man from the house yelled joyfully and drunkenly in spanish and started walking toward the table. The men quickly stood up and met him halfway. Ushering him into a private room smoothly. Not before you made eye contact and he winked. You held your shudder.

The night went on and you found yourself almost having fun and forgetting the dangerous people around you.

You went to the bathroom as Devante and Dita danced.

You were looking for the bathroom when you felt a heavy hand on your waist. You jumped and turned. It was the man.

"Hello pretty women" he said with a accent slurred with the smell of strong alcohol that pinched your nose.

You backed up to find yourself against a wall. You started to look for a way out but his hand got harder on your waist, moving to hold your hip.

He leaned in speaking breathy spanish against your ear you couldnt understand on your best day. You took the opportunity to side step, noticing his henchmen about 10 ft away watching, glocks on their hips. The situation sank your stomach. You wouldnt be getting out of here.

"(Y/n) ive been looking everwhere for you." Dita shuffled past the man grabbing your arm and pulling you away. "Miguel needs to talk with you." She said louder than necesarry.

You were at a near jog down the hall. She stopped and turned you when you were safely away but not into the main area.

"Are you okay mija?" She held your hand. You felt tears welling.

"Men like that will ways exist and here, you will find them in abundance. It's important to stay close to us. They prey on the lone wolf okay?" You nodded. She wiped the tear you didnt know you shed.

She stayed with you till you calmed down.

"Brave face mija" she said as you walked back into the room, back to the table. Nestor and miguel were there looking directly at you, worried, trying to read your face. You forced a smile. Understanding what being in this family meant. It wasnt good. It wasnt bad. It was just your life now.

Nestor quickly sat next to you. Emily eyeing you, sympathetically. They were all too smart to not put together what happened. She touched your thigh, you flinched. She removed it. You could see she made a heartbroken face out the corner of your eyr but you couldnt bring yourself to meet her eyes.

"Im okay i promise. Just..shook up" you were honest. She nodded. You knew she felt terrible.

The night continued. Nestor wanted to kill him and he knew how he would do it. He shared looks with Miguel. He shook his head. Not yet. The second you walked out, holding ditas arm like it was the only thing keeping you up his stomach twisted. Rage ran down his back.

When he didnt see that bastard Diego and didnt see you, his mind raced and he was about to go down the hall to kill that fuck when Dita grabbed him.

"You can't. It has to be me." She didnt have to explain. He knew why. It killed him to turn around and walk away from the situation as his mind let dark thoughts in of what he was doing to you.

He kept looking at you, he could see you trying to be brave but under the table your leg was shaking and you were fidgeting with your hands.

"Come outside with me baby" he leaned over so only you could hear him.

You looked over at him standing with his hand out. You were thankful. Did he just call you baby? It sounded good coming out of his mouth.

You took his hand. It was calloused and strong. It calmed you down almost instantly as he led you outside. When people saw him coming they almost fell over themselves to move out of your way.

The cool air felt good on your flushed cheeks. He let go of your hand and led you to the balcony. You leaned on it, embracing the night air.

"Its really beautiful out here, all things considered." You chuckled.

He looked worringly at you, "Thank you Nestor." You grabbed his arm.

Fuck, his name sounded so good in your mouth.

"You're welcome." He watched as you leaned against the balcony. He wanted to touch you, tell you, youre beautiful but after what happened thats not what you needed and he knew it.

-------------------

You stayed like that for awhile, in each other's silence. The muffled sound of the mariachis relaxing you.

You felt your eyes getting heavy.

"Dont get tired now its not even 1am yet." You looked over, surprised he noticed.

"Maybe we can just stay out here all night then." You smiled at him.

Fuck he would do just about anything you asked. Crawl on glass in the snow, change your oil, anything as long as you kept smiling at him like that.

"But it's probably best to go inside right?" You sighed.

"I think so."

You grabbed his arm as you walked in, holding onto him and keeping your eyes on the table.

Time passed and you struggled to stay awake, you leaned on Nestor's shoulder without thinking, you froze. He moved over to make you more comfortable, moving his arm around you but not too much. You snuggled in. Damn he smelled good too. You closed your eyes, feeling people looking. Fuck em.

You were stirred up by Nestor rubbing your upper arm "hey, hey, time to go."

You stirred, never really falling asleep but not present for the end. Everyone was filing out slowly.

Nestor was looking over to Miguel and Diego. He shook Miguel's hand. He didn't look away as he put his coat over your shoulders and walked you all out.

You noticed Emily smirking at you, making eyes at Nestor's jacket around you.

You tried to open your mouth

"-Ah." She cut you off. "You don't need to tell me anything." She smiled.

You smiled back, happily getting in the warm car and doozing on and off on the way home, catching Nestor look at you in the rearview mirror made you blush.

You all made your way inside as you felt the emotional fatigue of the day in your legs.

Nestor was waiting by the front door. Not for you it seemed. Just taking a moment.

"Can i be out here with you for awhile?" You asked, ready for him to say anything.

"Yeah."

"Thanks for tonight, for taking care of me."

"I know you can take care of yourself (y/n). I just didn't want you to feel alone out there." He spoke softly, sitting next to you.

You stared at his face for the first time it seemed. He was beautiful. You dared to glance down at his lips.

He followed your eyes. He wouldn't move qn inch on you tonight. He didnt want to chance pushing you but fuck did he want you so bad.

You weren't used to initiating, you could see he wanted you but wouldnt move. You closed the distance, stopping just short to see if he'd react.

His head just barely titled up towards you, you took it and kissed him, you being the one to take control felt good. You wondered if he was usually like this.

He was gentle and sweet and you found yourself appreciating it tonight. You grabbed his face and you deepened the kiss.

You felt brave and stood up and sat down to straddle him. He grunted in the back of his throat as you grabbed his braid he moved his hands to hold your thigh and ass.

The kiss slowed down and he smiled into it. You laughed, dropping your head into his shoulder, touching your lips.

"Wow uh-" you got off him, laughing with him.

"Yeah" he laughed, grabbing your hand. "Let's go inside."

He dropped you off at your room which felt cute and a little ridiculous. It was fitting.

Words failed you and it seemed to him, as well.

"Goodnight." He said softly again.

"Good night Nestor." You replied closing your door, silently congratulating yourself for not dragging him into your room.

Whatever, give it a week. You smiled.

[clownbeep]

This is gonna be kinda brutal. But I want to put it into writing

Big vent/whats been going on

Hah... I guess this is like my life story or some shit...

Trigger warning ahead.. Depression and a bit of gore/suicide talk so if you are sensitive to that please, for your own sake and mental state you might not want to continue.

For those who dont want to hear a pretty dark vent, I understand.

And those who are just scrolling by feel free to scroll past. I just personally want to get this out.

If you have dealt with emotional neglect/abuse and need to know it isnt in your head this might be the post.

By writing this it feels like hopefully someone else will read this and realise certain things are NOT healthy.

If you are questioning if you are being emotionally neglected/abused (im speaking in a parental sense but even romantically or sexually) im not someone to give you answers, but the fact you are questioning it raises some red flags. In a healthy relationship you dont wonder those things.

Sorry for the long prelude but heres what I wanted to say

.

.

.

.

.

.

Ever since I was young, ive had bad ADHD, manic bipolar/depression, and sensory issues.

I was diagnosed around 13 I believe. My family (I didnt realise it then) always showed pity. Like I was some wild animal that couldnt be tamed and there was nothing they could do. Id do and say stupid attention seeking things just to try and get a shred of empathy.

My family didnt care.

When I was in the hospital for a suicide attempt regaurding pills and my liver had a chance of failing.. None of my family members cried over me. But a family friend. Someone not. Even. Related. Wept over me.

My family didnt care.

I cant say they never cared. They give me food water and luxuries like internet and a phone. For that I am grateful.

But in many other ways they have hurt me faar more than helped.

Once I got out of a short term stay in an inpatient mental facility I desperately needed contact with anyone who would care for me.

I have a younger sister, quite young probably around 7 at the time. She was a close friend of mine for that time. Id hang out with her so often to fill the gap in love it felt my family didnt give. One day I walked into the dining room and overheard my mother and father talking to my little sister. They told her to keep away because I wasnt "stable" because I was "dangerous" and could give her bad Ideas. And with one single action my only friend at the time and way to find happiness was taken away.

My family did not care.

When I stay in bed every day for months on end not knowing which day ill snap and end it all.... I get called lazy.

My family did not care

When I beg for medication to make me a functional human being they brush me off for years on end. Im losing my grip. I can barely remember things that have happened last week because I try so hard to forget everything its my automatic response to everything.

When I cant get to sleep because all of the memories come flooding back and im hit by wave after wave of horrific memories and the feeling if worthlessness... When I cant watch any videos or read posts about families because it brings on unwanted memories and emotions....

Is it me being dramatic then?

When you hear your family openly mocking and laughing about how stupid and dramatic and fake trans people are... How weird and unnatural and mentally insane these people are not knowing they are the very reason grsm and trans suicides are so high...

Am I a liar now? Am I insane?

When I tried to talk to them about my mental health issues. They took my only way of contact and made me feel like it was my own fault.

My family didnt care.

When I was nearly passed out shaking in a bathtub covered in wounds and blood all over... They showed pity, then lectured me for an hour for not telling them or for being impulsive and basically cleaned my wounds and sent me into my room.

My family didnt care.

Yes. I do agree, they cleaned my wounds, the physical side of showing care. However emotionally they were not there.

When my father drinks so heavilly every day he is home from work that he forgets half the things he tells you and can barely function.. They lecture my older sister for having a glass of wine (legal age)

They did not care.

My sister (23) tried for so many years to cling to what little attention she would get by getting good grades and going to college... She realised that it changed nothing about how my family felt toward her.... She snapped.

My family did not care.

She starves herself for a disease she does not have, she uses religion as an exuse to be one of the biggest christian extremists I personally know. Half the days she doesnt eat... Other days she burns book and gets rid of items for being demonic.

My lovely sister used to be kind and quite normal. However she couldnt find comfort in what little live her family gave. Starved for care she turned to religion to un unhealthy degree. Finding any way to keep her mind busy. Now I worry she will end up in the hospital for weighing so little.

My family did not care.

My oldest sister (27) Is married to a continuously cheating husband who she keeps letting back into her life. She was raised with a failing marrige and doesnt seem to see when she should call it quits.

Not to mention her husband has touched someone legally under the age of concent. Did she report him to the authorities? No.

All of these horrific things stemming from bad parenting. Unhealthy relationships and neglect.

Neglect emotionally can cause just as bad things as physical neglect. They are both horrifically dangerous in different ways.

These are the only big things I can remember... Basically age 15 and below are a complete blur to me and I cant remember much of it without thinking for a looong time. Even then I cant remember a lot of it... I feel like ive lost my whole damn childhood. And it hurts more than if they had just hit me or physically harmed me.

Im not underplaying physically harm. But in my personaly opinion I would rather my family have beaten me badly because at least then id have an easier way to prove to people how severe the abuse was. You can see bruises and confirm broken bones... But years of feeling completely useless and being shut off from most of the world other than the internet... It fucks you up in a way I dont think can be healed.

I dont know if I can ever love myself or... Remember things. Its terrifying to think Ill post this and a few weeks later probably not even rememner unless its brought up. Or meeting people and having conversations... And they are just... Gone.

Gone.

I suppose the biggest reason im writing this is well... In the future I dont want to forget in some ways.. I want like to be 100× as awesome knowing itll start as soon as im out of here..

If I dont have anything to compare it too then what is the point?

Ive layed out basically most of what I remember

A large amount of time I look around and nothing registers... Everything is familiar but I cant remember anything for a moment or two.. I feel like my memory is slipping so fast and im terrified.. I cant do anything to stop it and I cant make my mood be stable without the medication my family cant be bothered to get ...

I suppose this is a bit of a vent. I know its kind of everywhere and unorganized..

If im honest.. Tumblr is the only place where people have given me a home I wish I had..

I came out as trans here... Everyone was so damn supportive.. I didnt say anything but I cried hard and the kindness.. It was amazing.. It was such a jarring difference to how I feel when I say anything in real life.

Ive met friends here and ive had some much fun here. If youve stuck around this far thank you so much.. If you didnt I dont blame you.

I just wanted to share what has been flashing in my head these past few days.. It hurts a lot and ive even considered suicide recently..

Im trying hard. As hard as I can.. I have no escape though.

I cannot leave home. I cannot escape. Im not being dramatic.

I

CANT

LEAVE

And its terrifying because I know without medication or at least being somewhere AWAY from family.... I feel like im going to break soon.

I dont want to do anything stupid.. But some days I cant think straight and do things that harm myself and its not good. Its not okay. Im aware that I need help but I have no idea where to go/turn.. I have no ID or drivers liscence.. I have no transportation to and from a job to get money so I can leave... I live in the middle of nowhere.... I just..

I dont want to lose touch. I dont want to do anything bad.. I want to be functional.. I want to do more than eat and sleep my life away because I have nothing else to do..

Im so damn sick and tired of this all.. And at times I really do feel like there is only one way out.

Its always there and I just feel like one of these days im gonna be pushed over the edge and not be thinking clearly enough to stop it.

Im thinking semi clearly right now which is my im posting this.. Because im afraid and alone.

I have nowhere to go irl I have no friends Irl i just have tumblr and media and thats it. I dont expect anyone to be able to help I just wanted to write this so anyone knows what happens if I leave media..

If I tell my family my issues they will blow me off again for the 11th time or so (not exaggerated)

And if I do something to get sent to the hospital and get the help I need the cycle will continue with them being pissed and me getting sent home in a month or less anly for my family relationships to get worse..

Im spiraling fuether and further and I cant keep up the facade of being fine. I need help. And i have no way to get it. Ive just been suffering for years...

Sitting around and doing nothing but using your phone or drawing or whatever sound fun in theory... But if thats all youve been able to do for years with little to no real life social contact its gonna mess with your head... I dont want to be a shut in... I just

I dont know what to do.

Im sorry for rambling. I will most likely delete this later feeling embarrassed I posted this...

Im just tired..

[otherthingsinhead]

My Girl

Pairing: Reader x Javier Peña

Warnings: language / smut

Request: @technicallykawaiisoul 

Can I request a Javier Peña x reader fanfic, maybe she's a famous detective from another country and she starts to work with Javi & Steve, and maybe Steve teases Javi about her and maybe a lit fluff & smut😉

“What was that?”

“What?”

“You’ve just volunteered your weekend for shopping. You really wanna pick and choose curtains and pillows with Y/N?”

“Yeah, she just came to the city and needs to make her apartment more like home. And I need some sheets and stuff in my place too.” Javier said under his mustache causing Steve to chuckle so hard he nearly spat his coffee across the table.

“Your sheets are changed often, huh?” He laughed but Javi just shook his head, grinning.

“You won’t rest until you get into her panties, will you?”

“It might surprise you but I don’t get laid with every woman I find attractive.”

“Attractive? You find Y/N attractive?! I think there's a better way of putting it.” Steve said teasingly. Javier’ eyes widened and the first time since you left the office, his heart began to race.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked trying not to sound desperate.

“You can’t deny it forever you have a crush on her.”

“Fuck off, Murphy!” Javier scoffed putting a cigarette into his mouth. He didn’t realize his feelings for the beautiful, new member of their team were so obvious.

“Oh, c’mon Javi, you look like a little boy seeing a puppy every time she enters the room.” Steve continued as Javier took his jacket and showed him a middle finger as a response.

“Where are you going?”

“Out.”

“I hope you don’t have much plans for tonight!”

“Why?”

“Connie wants you to come over for dinner.”

“That’s kind but...”

“It’s ok, no pressure. Then we’ll be just the three of us.”

“Three?”

“Connie, I and Y/N.”

“She invited Y/N too?”

“And she said happily yes.”

“Maybe I can... cancel the... thing.” Javi mumbled but his words died in Steve’s giggling.

Javier denied his feelings for you. He convinced himself it was only physical attraction even after he found himself thinking about you day and night and started to find excuses to see you. Living in the apartment next to yours made it easy to knock on your door any time of the day and ask for some milk or a little help in the kitchen.

He never got enough of you. How could he? You were beautiful, sharp-witted, funny and wise. He loved your enthusiasm for your work and adored how much you cared for the people of this country. But his favorite thing about you was your laughter because it sent the most warming feelings through his chest melting his heart utterly.

The need of finding Escobar has never been so urgent since he started killing people. You couldn’t bear the weight of responsibility and the only thing always helped was Javi. His embracing arms brought comfort to your distressed soul after a shocking news of someone’s death. Your partnership quickly grew into a friendship what you needed so much in that foreign, chaotic country.

Friendship. You were friends and it was something you had to remind yourself from time to time. Since the first time you met Javier, you had an amiable feeling towards him. His smile was unbearably adorable and whenever he gave you a tiny bit of smile your stomach fluttered uncontrollably. The combination of his charismatic charm and desirable features was dangerous enough in itself but the small compliments and light physical contacts he gave you made your heart want to jump out of your chest. It took all your strength to keep your calmness around him. You’ve heard the rumors about his sexual life and albeit you’ve never seen his so-called girlfriends you could imagine him as a womanizer.

Connie wasn’t a notable cook but she did a great job with the dinner. And honestly, that macaroni was the best thing had happened with you on that week. It was so relaxing to sit around with friends and talk about everything but narcos.

After the third drink, you felt your head dizzy a little bit and sitting next to Javier just made it worse. He was in a flirty mood too and you couldn’t deny how much you enjoyed his attention.

“Ok guys, I have to ask.” Connie stated after drinking up her glass of red. “Is there something between the two of you? Are you guys dating or something?” She asked causing Steve to chuckle into his drink.

“What?” She blinked between her husband and the gaping guests. “Aren’t they look cute together?!”

“No, Connie, there’s nothing between Y/N and I. Nothing more than friendship, right?” Javier said looking down at you. He seemed so calm and it made your uneasiness to grow.

“Yes! Exactly. I mean... Javi and I?! Seriously?” You giggled.

“Uh... Am I not good enough for you?” Javier smiled, his voice almost scolding.

“No, I... Sorry, I-I just can’t imagine having a date with you, like... you know.... I mean... Can you imagine?” The words came stuttering out of your mouth, hands trembling and wine swirling nervously in your glass. For a moment it seemed like the air was soo thick with silence you could barely breathe.

“Uh... I think she means you’re partners and dating with each other would be unprofessional.” Steve's voice came as a joyful surprise. “Ok, sweetheart can we get to the dessert instead of making our guests uncomfortable?”

“Actually, I’m full and I still have some work to do so...” Javier said exchanging a look of understanding with Steve. “Thanks for the lovely dinner but if you don’t mind I would just take my leave.”

It wasn’t until Javier left the room that you realized how much you hurt him. And it felt horrible. After the dessert, you went downstairs to your apartment and walking by Javier’s door you felt a strong urge to knock on it. But you didn’t.

Sleep didn’t come. You turned and curled in your bed thinking about the events of the night. The pleasant feelings of Javier’s arm around your shoulder, his voice in your ears, his smile! And then the look on his face when you said you wouldn’t date with him. Even if it was only theoretical. But was it though?

Since you couldn’t bring yourself to sleep you decided to go to the kitchen for some water but soon you found yourself on the cold corridor of the building with a solid decision in your mind to knock on Javier’s door.

A huge wave of embarrassment swept through your body as you were standing in front of his door, waiting for him to open it. You wished he didn’t hear your knocking. He did.

“Y/N?” A frightened look on Javier’s face as he opened the door and find you standing there barefoot, in a nightgown. “What happened? Are you ok?”

“Yes, Yes, I... I... I’m sorry, I shouldn’t wake you up, I just... I couldn’t sleep, because... well, you know I... I know I hurt you with my words and, and, and I just wanted to tell you, I don’t think you’re not worthy of dating, actually... I-I-I think you’re a really kind guy and have a lovely personality and I’m sure you’d be an amazing boyfriend and, and, and... And I am sorry and... and that’s all.” You swallowed.

“Y/N, you came back in the middle of the night to tell me you would date me?”

“Yes... No! I just, just wanted to apologize.” You said but felt your cheeks burn like hell because you both know it wasn’t the truth.

Javier’s frown faded giving way to his eyes to shine. The last thing you saw was an adorable half-smile plastering on his mouth, then you closed your eyes and clung to his neck, pressing your lips onto the smirk. The strong arms instinctively found their ways around the small of your back, keeping you close to his unclothed upper body.

His kiss was sweet and soft and you fully lost yourself in it missing the moment when he pulled you into his apartment and closed the door behind you. His hands still lingered upon your hips, holding you steady against the door as he deepened the kiss causing your body to override with the pleasure his tongue was giving you. Oh, what a wonderful kisser he was! A small whimper of disappointment left your throat when he pulled away.

“I wanna take you to my bedroom.” He confessed. Dark lust shone through his eyes.

“Ok.” You panted simply.

“Are you sure, Y/N?”

“Yes, Yes, I am. I want this, I... I want this with you.” You said but you didn’t sound convincing so you continued. “It’s just sex, right?” You chuckled. “It’s not a big deal, we can... we-we’re grown people, we can have sex with each other if we...” Your breath hitched in your throat at the look on his face.

“No, I can’t do this.”

“What?”

“I can’t have sex with you Y/N. I can’t if it means nothing to you.”

You couldn’t say a word just stood there panting, trying to control yourself as you stared into his eyes.

“I like you.” He continued. “I do. And I want to make this work. I want us to work.”

“Javi, I...”

“Tell me you want the same. So I can make love to you.” A sudden rush of flutter you felt in your stomach mixed with a bitter feeling.

“Javi, you know I’m here for work. As soon as we catch Escobar I’ll leave the country.” You whispered and watched him shaking his head with disappointment. You took his face in your hands, making him look up at you.

“But I like you too. And I want you to make love to me.” You smiled and he kissed you. And his kiss felt sweeter than before. 

He knew you won’t stay forever and this both released him and terrified him. He didn’t want to fall in love with you. He didn’t want to fall in love at all that’s why he chose his lovers from hookers. And yet the intoxicant feelings that overwhelmed him at your presence was racing through his veins like wildfire.

Taking your hands in his he led you to the bedroom where he gently pushed you down onto the bed. His eyes were full of lust and your body was full of anticipation. He pushed you back into the bed crawling over you and his lips captured yours in a deep, passionate kiss. Your arms naturally wrapping around his neck and your fingers tangling in his hair. Dark and soft just like his gaze upon you as he pulled away from the kiss only to see the delicious expression of need on your face.

“I’ve been waiting for this so long.” He smiled tucking a hand under the hem of your nightgown and raising goosebumps on your skin.

Before you could say anything he bent down to claim your lips again. His hand glided along your thigh and your ribs until it reached a breast with inviting, stiffened nipple. You tried to bite back the soft moan that escaped as he rolled the ball of his thumb over the sensitive area, but it escaped with a shudder. You could tell from his growing smirk that it drove him crazy and the rising bulge palpable against your thigh could confirm that too.

As he moved to trail wet kisses along your jawline and neck you tried to catch your breath. His mouth moved perfectly against the sensitive spots sending waves of heavenly vibrations through your nerves and made your body unintentionally wiggle beneath his.

It took a few moments until you realized he had been getting rid of his pants. Your panties and nightgown quickly followed as he pulled off and threw them carelessly to the floor. Then he laid on his back, pulled you on top of him and paused, giving an admiring stare to your naked body. You’ve never felt so confident before. Locking your gaze with his you reached for him, carefully wrapping your fingers around his fully hardened erection. A sharp inhale escaped him.

Having him panting between your thighs made you want him inside you more than ever and he looked like he desperately wanted it too. He sat up and your body lighted up with pleasure as he latched his mouth on your nipple sucking and nipping it heatedly while rubbing an expert thumb gently against your clit. The soft massage he gave to your throbbing core turned you into a moaning mess.

“Fuck, Y/N!” Javier breathed. “I have to finish you up way too quickly if you keep making these sweet noises.”

Your mouth moved to reply but couldn’t form a single word as he captured your lips with his, kissing you with growing hunger.

When he broke the kiss again, you seized the opportunity to bury your head into the crook of his neck and press him back to the pillows only to taste every inch of soft skin you found the way down to his belly. Your hands still working on his length. Judging by the shaky breaths and loud moans he enjoyed your caresses.

“It seems like I’m not the only one here making sweet noises.” You teased him peering up through your lashes and gently bit into his belly. He was already so close, his erection felt painfully full and throbbing with every motion of your hand.

“I wouldn’t think you can be such a tease.” He said sitting up and tossing you onto your back again. “I like it.”

He reached under a pillow and pulled out a shiny package. The bare thought of having him inside you, made you shiver. After he put on the condom he leaned over you again and lined up his length with your soaking entrance. His eyes scouting your expression as he entered you slowly, deliciously slowly, allowing your walls to adjust his size. You quivered a silent moan and tightened your grips on his shoulders at the feeling of him filling you all the way up and sending tiny explodes of pleasure to your nerves all over your body.

You bucked your hips up and whimpered at the feeling of the sharp difference between constant alternation of fullness and emptiness. The room was loud with the sound of heavy breathing, moaning and screams. You started to feel a coil in your tummy tighten with every thrust he made and hearing him growling with pleasure pushed you closer and closer to the edge of your climax.

You couldn’t help but cried out his name when your walls convulsed around him in a divine manner you’ve never experienced before. It was his undoing and with a deep, rusty moan he pumped his cum inside you.

His eyes were closed and he felt his body weighted down, crushing yours into the bedding. He raised his head and smiled shyly at you. He looked exhausted but his beaming face made him irresistibly kissable. You couldn’t stop smiling as he snogged you amorously.

He rolled beside you and rested his head on your chest nestling between your arms. Taking a deep breath you inhaled his scent trying to savor the moment of the complete happiness and satisfaction. You spent a few minutes just laying in each other's arms in silence. He listened to your beating heart as you twirled your fingers through his hair.

“So... Are we still on for shopping tomorrow?” You asked lacing your fingers with his soft locks and pulling his head so you could look into his eyes.

“Of course.” He answered and placed his palm on your breast with tender care, gently rubbing the skin on it. “I wouldn’t mind spending more time with my girl.”

His last two words echoed in your mind and you couldn’t hide the gloominess that possessed your face. He frowned.

“I don’t wanna give up on us.” He said with a serious expression on his cute face then kissed your pursing lips with such need you wondered if he was ready to make you his again. He couldn’t help but moan as his hips bucked into your touch.

“Is this what I think this is?”

“Uh-hm.” He hummed against your lips. “We don’t know... how much longer... can we be together so... we have to use our time wisely.” He rustled between kisses he planted on the way from your neck to your breasts and you knew you were ready to give yourself to him fully. Not only your body but also your heart.

MASTERLIST

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