#ive only ever told my bff

[brainjuicey]

my mind is so funny for making me relive my worst nightmares and memories everytime I go to sleep

[mackinnon-drouin]

Please be honest in all of your answers.

1. Will you ever be free from your guilt? Circle your answer. a) Yes b) No c) I have traveled to other dimensions trying to rid myself of this weight upon my chest. Nothing has ever worked.

2. How else could this have ended? a) I only wanted to spend a night with a boy. b) I never expected to be left behind. c) No one does.

3. Barbara is 15 years, 10 months, and 4 days old. You are 15 years, 7 months, and 3 days old. If she dies on a Tuesday, and you stop looking for her on a Saturday, how old will you be when you let her go? Please answer clearly, in full sentences.

(Not a correct answer: There will never come a time when I don't pick up the phone hoping to hear her voice on the other end.)

4. Define two (2): BFFs | The feeling of a revolver heavy in your hand and the ringing in your ears from firing it | Demogorgon | The way the world collapsed when Hopper and Joyce did not bring her back

5. True or False: i. You heard something that night. ___ ii. The monster's claws and teeth were the last thing she ever felt, while you were upstairs being held with gentle hands. ___ iii. You wish it had been you. ___ iv. You lie to her grieving parents every week. ___ v. They believe you. ___ i. You hunt the one that killed her, but you'll never bring her back from the dead. ___ vii. You told her to go home. ___

-nancy this isn't you (format inspired by x)

[ddlcbrainrot]

I love how your mind works so much everything you say is canon now bc I said so.

Since you've done Monisuri, Moniyuri and Natsuri thoughts, do you plan on doing any other ships? Sayonika would be cool/nf

my mind is a cat, a red panda and a raccoon in a trench coat pretending to be human, or so i’ve been told so thank you

if people ask me to, then sure!

sayonika makes my brain go brrrrr and i stop thinking proper thoughts bc i love them so much every time i see them i just go hehehe so this is going to take a while bear with me

m…monika and sayori,… kithes…

ok but srsly, i think the reason i like sayonika so much is bc its a very versatile ship. You want cute best friends to lovers? Side stories are right there. You want angst fest, hurt no comfort with no happy ending? Base game is right there

If we are talking about base game, a lot of questions pop up. Like how did they even get together? (probably some time after the ending, maybe since both have gone through the epiphany they bond over that) Can they even be in a functioning relationship after the events of ddlc? (a functioning one? no lol, but maybe after a lot of work they make something special) Does Sayori ever forgive Monika? (surprisingly, yes after a long time. I actually can see her "forgiving" Monika right away, only for her to build up resentment over time and snap and so she realises that she needs to actually feel and process her feelings of anger and betrayal before she can forgive Monika) Does Monika forgive herself and lets herself be loved? (THERE IS NO WAY LMAO). So yeah, the main headcanon i have for them in base game is that Monika never fully forgives herself, no matter how much Sayori insists she forgives her. Because i love suffering.

Anyway lets step away from the sad sad world of base game and get to the happy stuff of side stories :D

So yeah, bffs that slowly realise they like eachother

I think ive mentioned this before, but they give off first sapphic crush/relationship vibes. if you know you know

Both had a hard time accepting they like each other bc both were like "shes too good for me..." (dumbasses)

Acting like a couple before even being together, im talking hand holding (how lewd...), cuddling, compliments, you name it

And when Natsuki would be like "you guys act so gay for eachother" they'd be like nnNnNoOoOo We're just gals being pals (dumbasses p2)

Who would confess? Probably Sayori. But only in a last resort situation. She'd be expecting to be rejected too. Surprise surprise being the kindest person alive gets people to like you who would have thought

PDA couple.

Sayori's physical affection and Monika's words of affection? You can't be around them without getting diabetes

Im not kidding when i say they would be the worst couple to be around. But like in a sweet way

Sayori steals Monika's clothes

They paint their nails the eye colour of the other person, so like Sayori paints them green and Monika blue

When one is having a bad day, the other gives little notes filled with cheezy puns throughout the school day to cheer them up, and they talk about whats bothering them after (sayori started this and it has become kind of a tradition)

I can keep going but if I do this will end up longer than the declaration of independence

[amourcherie606]

miraculous redesign? rewrite??? idk?? call me silly if u will, but ive like already redesigned the entire main cast 💀 i just havent drawn all of them digitally yet the miraculous brainrot is real!! anyway, the "theme" or "goal" with this is basically if i designed the miraculous characters. they are gooberbingafied if u will

marinette dupain-cheng ; aspiring fashion designer whos quite awkward and nice. shes considers herself the background character and hasn't really had any friends until college, where she meets her wonderful bff alya! takes inspiration from gabriel agreste brand but deff doesn't like how monochromatic his fashion is.

adrien agreste ; a free spirit finally free from cold home, he attends a public education at long last, an art college. he is a complete awkward mess who is very friendly! and naive. very. but his buddys nino and chole has been showing him the ropes of socialization so he'll get it one day, maybe. hes still discovering his own style and personal thing tho. BONUS DOODLES!!! Chole and Lila ideas!! im not sure what to do yet with Lila but Chole! Shes deff still gonna be Queen Bee and is deff a mean girl but like, shes just kinda a rich kid whos never been told off for her actions like ever ever. no ones ever just thought to sit her down and talk, only encouraging her behavior. so she stays a meanie bee UNTIL her superhero crush tells her off and POOF shes changing alright. shes not a 100% nice bean but chole isnt an complete ass

i'll make a separate post for my ladybug and chat noir designs but im literally up for any suggestions or asks abt this!! if ur interested!! <33 i love doing this actually its so silly n fun!!

[cheolhub]

hey hey heyy!! i have a question about your first impressions of your moots and anons?

i did a few of my mutuals and my active anons 🥹

@ncteez was literally going to pee myself when she followed me. the first time we talked, we were doing a pc trade and i was lit RALLY so fucking terrified of her but now i love her and i miss her and she makes me feel better when i have an issue with anything. my hon <3

@rubyreduji i rmbr one of our first convos was months after we became mutuals— i was really drunk at a party and i told him everything that was happening. he’s the only person im not terrified to talk to because i alrdy know he hates me 🤗. fun fact: jj has seen me in my truest form bc he follows my finsta (everyone keep him in ur thoughts)

@agustdiv1ne ashlee, aur my god. my first thought abt tumblr user agustdiv1ne was ‘wow, this theme is so cute’ and my second thought was ‘wow, ashlee is so kind and chill and i think i would like her to be my best friend’ and now i hit her up at least once a week on some bullshit and i make her pick my next read or i tell her abt this bitch that owes me $500 <3 she understands me bc we were cut from the same cloth

@etherealyoungk i thought skye’s account was so cute 🥹🥹 omfg i remember the first time we interacted was on our birthday (april 30th, nobody forget) and ever since then she’ll come into my inbox and check in on me and it’s so endearing and makes my whole day. i also love hearing abt how she’s doing T-T NOW me and skye are lowkey bffls. we just buddy read a book together and it was saurrrr much fun, i love her sm 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽

@majestyjun MILLIE WAS ONE OF MY FIRST TXT MOOTS. i love her so much omfg, i’ve always thought she was the coolest ever like 😵‍💫😵‍💫 i am kinda just her fan at this point like it’s so embarrassing. i get all blushy when she replies to my asks

@hwanghyunjinenthusiast i was kinda intimidated bc rj uses punctuation (which is literally fine and normal) and i thought she was mad every time i’d be in her ask box. now i think shes the funniest person alive and she’s my favorite person to annoy the shit out of.

@heesbaby MY FIRST IMPRESSION OF CINNA WAS THAT SHE WAS THE SWEETEST ANGEL EVER. i still think this by the way. i will literally get on one knee and propose and love her forever /srs.

@gyuswhore i think i thought em was really nice and quiet and i was so wrong. em is so fucking funny and unhinged in the best way possible. she’s probably the only person that will call me a bitch and an irresponsible spender (she’s never wrong)

@toruro my first thought of mika was adorable and i thought she was a really great writer. literally have her manhandling with chan tattooed on my brain. she is so nice to me and our brief biweekly interactions are very endearing to me <3

@homerunhansol J MY WORLD, i think ive always thought she was an angel in disguise and she’s ALWAYS been someone i want to be happy forever and ever and ever. i also think i thought her love for vernon was so cute bc i dont come across dolly’s very often and it’s just so endearing when i do bcos they are literally a gift from the gods. i love j ⭐️

@sunnylovespickles i thought sunny was so cute actually. i remember our first conversation and she was making me so nervous liejwheheb so cute and sweet like i’ll never get over the way she flattered me. (how to get to my heart: validate me the way sunny did)

@taekurai MY FIRST IMPRESSION OF MAX IS SO FRESH BC WE JUST BECAME MOOTS BUT OFNSHSBE I AM MADLY IN LOVE WITH HER? love at first sight seriously. i thought she was so kind and i love the pink on her theme and i just love her sm fr.

🪴 dead plant nonnie T-T ive always been obsessed w them. they told me they liked my desk set up and ive been whipped ever since. no but fr, getting an ask from dead plant nonnie is the highlight of my day. they are someone i feel like i’d be really good friends with irl 🫂 dare i say bffs

🍀 lucky charm nonnie!!! i genuinely think they are my lucky charm bcos every time i’d get an ask from them, i’d literally get a boost of serotonin and my day would significantly improve :,( i love and miss them dearly and i will kill for them. (and make them tea whenever they lose their voice in rehearsal)

🛼 roller blade nonnie <333 I THOUGHT THEY WERE SO FUNNY (i still think theyre hilarious ofc) but they reminded me a lot of myself and i felt like every time i received an ask from them, id laugh to myself and be like “this is some shit i’d say” 😭 i enjoy they’re book reviews and im waiting for them to send an ask so i can talk about acotar with them 🤗 (cough cough, come home nonnie im on book three cough cough)

[vaguely-yandere]

bully darling,,,, <3

a bully darling with any type of subby yandere but i think the most interesting one would be the "secretly mean" yandere! mean yandere tries to, well, be mean and darling returns it ten fold, making the yan a giant blushing mess and it has them stuttering through their next sentence.

i think sensitive yandere would be the most satisfying tho... or a new subtype: discord mod yandere (but in a greasy lil gamer way, not a sexist asshole way) <3

eeee discord mod yandere (which i think is the most chronically online thing ive ever typed oml, i need to go out more) who shows up to things in 'cringe' clothes. cat ears, a tail, gaming tshirt, looking adorable while doing it and spending their time stalking bully darling in a very traditional "hiding behind the tree and hoping for the best" way yet it works somehow despite how much attention they draw towards themselves without meaning to. and, well, bully darling does eventually notice them and its pure hell/heaven for the yandere afterwards.

however, as cute discord mod (and riddler like) yandere is, i dont think theyd be the masochist bully darling needs.

CEO yandere however... rich, pretentious, arrogant, prideful... a perfect target for bully darling. or girly yandere (who fills the bff who is secretly in love with you role so so perfectly!!!)

just image bully yandere trying to bully CEO yandere before they even realize theyre talking to the CEO, calling them a perv when they go red in the face, making fun of their clothes, their hair, their shoes, maybe insulting their work and when someone walks up and called the yan by their proper title... bully darling thinks its the end of the world. they scurry away, waiting for their "FIRED" letter, already packing up their stuff when the yan's secretary comes up to them and tells them they're getting moved to the top floor by special request of the CEO

'im fucked. im doomed. this is my last moment on earth. my hubris has finally caught up with me.'

but darling does as theyre told and moves (luckily they were already packing their stuff up!) and instead of getting the scolding of their life when the CEO summons them to their office, they get a teary eyed puppy who, through sniffles, asks if darling actually thinks of them like that

what. the fuck!

and darling, very unwillingly, admits that no, their hair and clothes and shoes aren't stupid and they are actually very attractive and the way they do their work is fine, they were just having a hard day and wanted to take it out on someone else.

when they finally admit to that, the yandere takes a complete 180. "what happened?? is everything okay?? is there anything i can do? is someone bothering you? do you need a spa day or a day off? i can get you lunch if youre hungry! from anywhere you want! shipped from anywhere you want! you want clothes? new shoes? ill get them for you!"

just. bully yandere awkwardly accepting this ray of sunshine into their lives (and absolutely getting turned on when they see their yanderes angry side but only when its directed towards other people. the only time the yandere snapped at them without noticing, they spent a week being a kicked puppy about it)

and i KNOW CEO yan loves getting a bit of physical pain from their darling. a slap, maybe stepping on them with some nice shoes, making them kneel for hours under their desk, maybe a spanking or two but whats important about ceo yan is that they need kindness and praise to balance it out or else they get dominant. the bully provides the perfect balance by being a classic tsundere, giving them a few embarrassed compliments in private but plenty of punishment as well. calling them a fucking idiot one minute and then praising them for being such a perfect boss the second, their darling just drives them insane and bully darling just adores humiliating them which is absolutely a giant kink of the yandere. kneeling and getting their 1,000$ pants dirty just to shine darlings shoes (that dont even need shining. CEO darling would never allow their darling to have scuffed shoes) or maybe darling undermines them all the time (in a very consensual way) and humiliating them in front of clients, subordinates, service industry workers, random strangers, doesnt matter! everyone feels bad for the yandere at first until they see their flushed way, loving look and the way they hand on every single word the bully says. its not a healthy relationship by any means but god, is it p hot

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hey Cas! So I'm a queer teenage girl, but I'm homeschooled, so I have no clue if my friends would be accepting or not. There has never been an opportunity to bring up LGBTQIA+ rights, to see how they react , and I know for sure that at least one of my friends has no clue what gay people even are, because I mentioned that I could ship Sirius and Remus, and she said "Wait, but they're both dudes? And dudes cut marry each other?" But not even in a homophobic way, she was legit confused. Ive only told two people. The first is my BFF, who've I've known since I was 5 days old. She was the first person I told. I've also told my mom, and she's been super supportive, but I don't know how or when to tell my dad. He has a gay brother, but the relationship there is pretty much none (My uncle just moved away and never visits) , so I don't know how hell react. I was thinking of writing a letter, but I don't think that would work.

I'm know I'm attracted to multiple genders, because even before I knew what sexualities were, I wrote a story about two lesbian spies. I also get that happy feeling when I see queer people out in public. I have fantasized about both men and women before, so I do know I'm attracted to both men and women (And possibly non-binary people), but I don't know if that makes me Bi, or Omni, or Pan?

Oh, and I LOVE your blog. I get so exited when I see you post something, because Microfics are the perfect length for my ADHD brain to actually focus on. I hope you have a great gay!

P.S. Drink some water :)

Hi! <3

I'm so glad your mom is supportive!

For your friends, I'd try to warm them up to the idea a bit first, lol, especially since they genuinely don't know a lot. Bring up some queer ships, talk about LGBTQIA+ people in the media, that type of thing. Then ease into it.

As far as your dad, I think a letter is a great idea! It can be scary to tell someone big news like that, so getting all your thoughts down in a letter is super smart. It also gives him time to think about his reactions.

As far as your sexuality, have you researched each of those identities? They're very similar (though different in some ways as well), so it might help to look them up and really think about which one makes the most sense to you. Also remember that you're young, and you don't necessarily need to label yourself! Knowing who you're attracted to is a great start! As you get older and start dating more and more, you'll start to realize your preferences and it'll help you figure that out as well.

Let me know if you ever need to talk!

(Also I am naming all the anons who write to me in case they want to write in the future, and I am using a random positive affirmation generator to do so. So I dub thee: sincere anon. Enjoy your free tag!)

(also you made me drink water. so rude 😋)

[webslingingslasher]

ur the only person who ever said that to me abt this n honestly thank you 😭🫂 i fr need ppl who will call me out bc i'd never figure it out completely on my own

i stated all my reasons and what everyone else told me and i feel like ppl agreeing enabled my behavior and made me think it's okay :’) i'm not blaming them but i think it's bc we're the same lol. my ex bffs always calling him sus probably contributed into me finding his red flags and just leaving at the first opportunity. (but turns out i'm the red flag😆)

but i guess another reason i did that is bc he scared me, bc he's a decent guy which is rare to find. i don't think i was ready for that. and ive been thinking that maybe this all happened for his benefit - it's a confirmation that he's a great guy but I'M not good for him, so he needs to find someone better and at his level. and for my side, i rly need to work on my confrontational skills 🥲

now.. we haven't talked so nothing's happening. but would it be worth it if i apologized even tho it's been months? or should i just leave it at that.. i'm not tryng to get him back or be friends with him if i do, it'd just be for the sake of making things right bc it's rly up to him if he still wants us to be friends after what i did. but yeah, it's either i apologize or i just leave it alone. what do you think? 🥹

-🧚🏼‍♀️

we all have things to work on, i'm glad my response might have helped that.

as for reaching back out, if you have no intention on being friends or more, leave him alone. if you do, that'd be a good way to extend an olive branch.

don't bring up old shit for him just to make yourself feel better.

<333 love ur big sis <3

[forestryfae]

but yeah i hate how other people have friends and make friends so easily. and then i try my absolute best to be friendly and nice and like other people and i just wind up w noone really giving a shit or noticing and i dont really make friends and im just annoying or it goes wrong and i just dont know how but it goes wrong somehow. like i can physically feel how little people wanna talk to me.

or i go wayyy too fast and i consider people ive known for like a day p much my bffs despite the fact that we barely fucking know eachother. just because i vibe w them and get excited.

or i just dont try so hard and im just there and if people talk to me we talk and if not i dont try and people just. dont bother. they dont fucking like me enough to try, theyd rather talk to other people, and theyre sure as hell not gonna make an effort or meet me halfway unless im trying my best.

like. i make a fucking effort when i can. i try. and i either wind up being told to shut up, or im annoying people and it shows so well im not actually welcome and i dont even know what im doing wrong, or i just dont have anything to add cus its just not something i know anything about or something i have experience with. its like theres a group of people who are friends and im just there. and sometimes im lucky and theres something i like that they also like but not often and usually theres not a lot of convos about it.

and its not like i have a lot to add either. i dont know shit. i know a lot of stuff about a lot of things but its not easy to articulate myself so i sound so stupid when i talk, or its assumed i dont know shit, and its never shit thats relevant and if it is noone gives a shit.

i cant have opinions, i cant try to make jokes the same way people around me do, i cant try to talk to people or join conversations, i cant talk about stuff i know or am interested in, i cant try to make some kind of conversation, i cant figure out how to make friends, i cant tell whether im welcome or tolerated, and it jyst pisses me off and annoys me to see other people be friendly and have fun cus like. i fuvking want that too but it never fucking works and no matter if i actually make an effort or not its not good enough. people i consider friends arent friends, we just know eachother, im not actually supposed to try to hang out or talk to people unless they initiate, and i have nothing valuable to add to any conversations ever. social rules and shit ive actually figured out also only apply to people who arent me, im not granted the same courtesy and its not uncommon that that courtesy is ripped away from me for no fucking reason. any opinion or correction i recieve is somehow supposed to be fully accepted by me and i need to adhere to it but i can NOT do the same thing and i certaibly cant tell people off for being cunts cus that makes me a selfish selfcentered bitch and the world doesnt revolve around me

like. why is everyone else friends with eachother and why is it so easy for them, im trying so hard and its somehow both not enough and too much. why do i have to try harder. why do i have to make the first steps and reach out but noone else is willing to do that. why cant people be consistent and clear in what they want me to be like and what they want from me. why cant i be good enough to fucking talk to. why dont i know how shit works while everyone else just gets it. like im fucking trying so hard to join in but people also dont make an effort to include me if it isnt easy.

like. how am i supposed to know how to talk to people when absolutely noone is willing to show me or teach me or do the first step so i can actually make an effort to be normal enough to be likeable. this isnt shit everyone just know. i didnt learn this shit in school or at home. mom and dad didnt fucking talk to me, we just lived there until they could be bothered, reaching out was generally met with being either babied or dismissed or being completely ignored or scolded for the crime of trying to fucking have parents. school doesnt give a shit, kids dont get it and if they have nice or decent parents they dont want anything from you. in fact theyd rather you just go away and never come back. therapists dont help cus they think your social anxiety thats caused by shitty parents and being bullied can be solved by 'listening in on conversations so you can hear that noones talking about you' as the issue is just imagining that noone likes me. and theres nothing i can do about it either.

[insertcoolermonikerhere]

Hi Boy... i got bored and im Extra so i decided to do ALL OF THEM!

a compliment - FUCK YOUR WRITING IS SO AMAZING???!!?? genuinely ive never seen someone who writes like you do, & even when i look at your older stuff im BLOWN AWAY by how good it is. YOU ARE A FANTASTIC WRITER AND I DONT TELL YOU THAT ENOUGH AUGH. 

a story - OKAY SO. when i was in middle school i had a sleeping problem. my mom got me some of those melatonin gummies & she just gave ne the whole bottle and cery nuch did not tell me how many to take. i only planned on taking 1 or 2, BUT THEY TASTED SOOOO GOOD.   so little middle school zane had like half the bottle. i was calling my girlfriend (at the time) and i was fighting off sleep as i took more. SOO I GO TO SCHOOL THE NEXT DAY ABSOLUTELY WIRED. i mention to my friend what happened the previous night and my teacher overhears and shes like: hey what the fuck! so i go about my day and things go Wrong when i go home. the school had told her What Happened and she wS like. huh. 

my mom: zane did you try to kill yourself

me: no the gummies tasted good

my mom: we should probably get him tested for autism

SO THATS THE STORY OF HOW ME EATING GUMMIES LEAD TO MY MOM THINKING I TRIED TO KILL MYSELF. 

why i follow you - how could i not follow the most correct dc and oercy jackson fan EVER!!!! [also because i am wauting for us to fall in love & get married & run off to norway so we can live on a goat farm :3]

a cute message - FUCK I LOVE YOU SSSOIOI MUCH. literally like the bff ever,, ITS CRAZY THAT WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER SO LONG!!!!AND ITS INSANE WE'VE KEPT IN TOUCH THIS LONG !!!1!1!!! youre one of my favorite people to talk to and not to be cringe but you were one of the first people i met that i felt like actually Got Me. thank u so much for sticking around... i hope you stick around for A Long Time,,heart heart kiss kiss

one thing i want to tell you - my brother said if you want his star wars comics you can rip them out of his cold dead hands

one thing i want ti kniw about uou - ??WHY SO TALL ??!!????? WHAT ARE YOU USING ALL THOSE INCHES FOR .????? 

YOURE SO SWEET AHHHH OH MY GOD i love you so much its insane holy shit. tell your brother to keep an eye over his shoulder.

ill marry you any day you just gotta COME TO AUSTRALIA FIRST. and it insane i cant believehow long weve known each and kept in like. relatively consistent contact its amazing. and while you porblay werent the first person i felt like Got Me i think youre probably one of the people who Gets Me the most and youre like super easy to talk to and yeah yeah anyway im glad we're friends and im gonna stop being sappy on main

[h3artbrok3nn]

i already hate this year dude and its only been 3 days into it i have been stuck with the devil, lost my best friend, been getting horrible pain since december, my insomnia has drastically gotten worse, i realize how i cant open up to literally anyone anymore (besides my bf), my dad has been extremely sick, my self harm cuts are starting to show all around my body, my mom yelled at me for having no irl friends, im getting called emo every day now (i hate when people call me emo dude), im too scared to talk to people, my stepmom is slowly starting to realize shit, my 21st attempt of suicide didnt work, my stepbrother is in prison and hes the only one i really talked too, my brother wants me dead, my mom couldnt care less about me (as usual), im getting sicker and sicker everyday, my body became more weak, my anxiety has also increased, my teacher is back and hes gonna see right through me, my boyfriend might start to get annoyed by me, my hallucinations are much worse, i keep seeing demons idk- literally losing my bestfriend was like the icing on my fucked up cake- i was literally gonna bring him his late Christmas gift tomorrow today too- idk wtf im supposed to do with it now. I only have 2 irl friends now and my boyfriend. Thats all I talk to. I dont even see juanny (one of my irl best friends) much anymore. I barley talk to him and hes the one who told me that my other best friend wanted to drop me. The only reason why I see my second and last best friend now is because i have 2 classes with her but besides that, i dont see her at all

and the best friend i lost i saw everyday in the morning and during his lunch when im on my way to choir speaking of best friends, my old bff adri keeps making me do her fucking bidding and idk dude and dani's birthday is now in 10 days- shes gonna be 14 dude ive known her since she was 10 and it breaks my heart we arent friends anymore and evan is gonna be 18 next month which is crazy- ive known him since he was 14. this is already a really hard year. with everything going on with my father, and him always yelling about him killing himself and gonna die soon, it only makes me think i'll lose him. I love my dad so fucking much dude- i cannot lose him but i see only the worst coming because of all this. If my dad dies when im still in these conditons im ggonna be with my mom for the rest of my highschool years, my stepmom will be gone, i'll never see my older brothers again, nor my cousin, or my stepmoms family. I'll be stuck with that fucking thing for the next 3 years all alone in this room where it feels like im always being chained to a wall. idk whats happening anymore- nothing makes sense i wanna give up- life isnt worth living- im about to lose all my online friends too dude im gonna go back to 2019- when i was gone from the internet for like 2 years and when i came back, everything and everyone was gone im gonna be all alone again and just trapped in my mind with my hallucinations and my nightmares my mom only encourages me to kill myself, shes the worst. My stepmom is more of a mom than her and I hate her a lot of the time too but I still love her just because she was here for me when my mom wasnt. My mom doesnt know my first words, she doesnt know what things i like, she doesnt know anything much about me. She has to go through my phone and look at my conversations when Im alseep. She doesnt even give me privacy. Meanwhile my stepmom knows me, but she doesnt know my first words cause she wasnt around when i was that young since i started talking at like 9 months old but like the point is shes there to help me with school, do everything for me, be there for me, and literally everything my mom has never ever in her pathetic little preppy pick me girl life. my dad told me that my mom made him almost killl himself- if he did, i would have been an orphan. my mom only takes care of me because of the childsupport money my dad is forced to give her every month. and she tried doubling it like a little bitch because i started calling my stepmom "mom". if my dad were to have killed himself, idk what the fuck my life would have been like but it might be better without her tbh and yeah like sure my dad used to be abusive as shit but my stepmom saved me from that and everything

so hes fine now i mean he had one slip back in march, but besides that hes been okay. i'll never like new years. not only do i have to think about my grandma who was murdered when my dad was only 9, but i have to worry for my father because its like the day he wants to die the most. This was the first year not being with him on new years to cheer him up- i was so worried, and it turned out i was right for being worried. Not getting into that. This year is so rough already within the first 3 days, I hate it I HATE IT SO MUCH DUDE. im sorry idk anymore. I fucking hate this

[qualityempathshoebear]

End of Summer Update

Hey,

I hope youve been well. Its the first of september, 2022, and its currently 04:44. Im listening to sad music so i can feel something. Anything. Its working a little but so far ive only cried about the fact that i dont belive in magic anymore. Oh and hey, I start school in 8 days.

I dont know if that is very important so ill just hopp right into it. Here is where things left off since I last wrote here; I graduated middle school, removed some of my friends from social media (plus grew apart from others), and temporarily moved to Leeds (dont worry ill explain later.) Also here is a little boy update: Ive been dreaming about him at night and I honestly dont know what I really feel. All i know is that im not over him. And that its more than a crush but less than love. I know its not love because it feels to awkward to write. I will hopefully be over him soon.

As for the explaination as to why I am in leeds, I will keep it short. Basically my dads job doesnt think he has enough animal surgery experience to send him to Singapore yet, so we have to stay in leeds til December-January. I was really distraught and stressed about it at first but now im ok (still a little sad about it ofc), but I know were moving there so im not going to worry myself over it anymore. Ive been thinking I might have to do IBDP next year and not this year (since they dont have it here, and i would be loosing 6 months of classes, which would put me ta a major disatvantage for the exams), but i dont mind since I would still be graduating at the same time as other teens my age in Norway. Also me and my BFF stayed in touch all this summer, so I think we will continue to do so in the future. Today she said something really sweet to me over the phone. She told me she didnt think she would ever have another friend that would understand her as much as I do. I feel the same towards her. She is truly the best friend. A little problematic but i still love her <3.

Speaking of friends, I called that old friend I told you about a while ago, the one I didnt think I would stay in touch with. I called her to see if she was alive (since she completely deleted social media, and her and her mother werent responding to anyones messages), it was clear that she didnt really want to be talking to me. Im not mad tho. I understand it. To be honest i dont think i realistically want to stay in touch with her. She is a completely new person, with a new life (and a new accent?) so ill leave her to it. So you will most likely never hear of her again.

This is very random but ive been worrying about some things recently so i thought I would write them here to get them of my chest. Current stressers/insecurities: My neck (the length and shape), My weight (I feel like im too skinny), My hair (my hairline is receding and im getting bald spots), my skin (I have so much hyperpigmentation on my face). Now that im writing them down they sounds kind of silly, but oh well!

Its starting to get messy so ill leave it here for now...

Much Love, Me <333

[hueningshaped]

beffie i'm about to start having trouble differentiating your replies from mine because we're literally 🧠🟰🧠 "u are most definitely right if it means that ur always right and correct <3" SHUTUPPPP how do you always best me i'm blushing so hard,,,. stop this madness . omg YES the GOGGLES!!!!!! although his short hair is gorgeous as well i have to admit that his long hair is my absolute favorite on him<3 my vacations are also only during summer+winter break and it's ALSO me visiting my family who lives far away😭😭 i think my number 1 fear is actually ... pigeons........ i hate them so much and they seem to know since they always come my way😐 plus i get kinda scared in the dark as well especially when i don't have my glasses on because then everything starts looking a little too human for my liking😀 and no stop because YOU'RE the funny one of us!!! it's all YOU!!!!! i'm always like 😆😆 when i read through your blog!! plus u invented using emojis in a cute way why am i the one receiving praise🤨 "u make me feel appreciated and its a not very familiar feeling" i am about wreak havoc because why are you not being told how amazing and lovely and adorable you are every second of the day❓❓also how did u literally read my mind THAT HYUKA PHOTOSHOOT!!!! it's the exact reason i chose blond as my favorite color on him because when i first saw it i could feel my breath getting fainter . he's so gorgeous it is unfair :/ no way you actually played the violing😭😭😭😭 it's always been one of the instruments i wanted to learn right alongside the piano!!! i can't believe this omg ALSO my mbti is infp!! i'm not very knowledgeable about mbti but from what i've read about the descriptions of mine it basically means having no grip on reality🫥🫥 it's very fitting LMAO do you like astrology?? i think it's super interesting and when i read through my chart i felt like i was being watched because why is it so accurate🤨 although i'm not very knowledgeable about astrology either but i love reading about it!! omg,,, a gift,,, i genuinely can't wait to listen to the playlist!!!!! thank😭you😭so😭much😭 plus the beoms</3 what did i do to deserve u😔 also!!! i've had this meme sitting in my notes since i saw that you like mitski and i meant to send it to you in my last ask but i completely forgot😐 stay happy and healthy bff I LOVE U!!!!!🫶🏻😽🌺🫂💘 -🧃

my sweet glorious 🧃i don’t mean to make myself sound smart or anything but SINCE OUR BRAINS ARE SO 🧠=🧠, i’m thinking it’s bc of big brain energy 😯 (have to keep my messages concise since tumblr is against our love letters 😔), BUT im very very sorry for again taking so long to get back to you ! i feel that there’s a threat of this becoming a habit but really it was due to another obstacle i had trouble getting over and uh😔 i want you to know i only ever thought about replying to you and the joy i feel from communicating with u but anyway i digress ~ long hair beomgyu was just so perfect ive never loved a hairstyle more in my life ! it’s also ur impeccable taste for liking bg and his hair and txt hehe and aw why must our families live far away :( well at least they provide vacations for us in seeing them but still i hope you enjoy yourself and have fun !! “when everything starts looking a little human” oh god that always terrifies meee but anyway no but seriously you’re the funny and iconic one ok ☹️ im but a button, just a button ! all my giggles and smiles are only used when reading ur message hehe therefore reading ur ask = +5 years of life btw you’re the one whos lovely and amazing adorable cool wonderful etc ok 😒 and i know for a fact !!! it can’t be refuted ~! and ive always wanted to learn the piano ugh !! do u have any other hobbies :0 im always talking about useless little things i do haha omg UR INFP!? every time i come across someone infp they’re always the coolest people ever (not clickbait ‼️) the way they perceive problems and how to solve and their perspectives [you] is very admirable to me :”) and ik very little about astrology >< im pretty curious about it all i know is im a capricorn what’s ur sign :0 there were a few playlists i considered so i hope that one is at least decent to listen to (when u have time^^) 🧸 hey i do nothing for u and the beoms are complimentary as always <3 OMG THAT MEME WHJFJSJ new fav meme :”) ty for sending it to me 🥹🥹 im on another trip out of town 😭 also do u like cats or dogs or do u have a preference 😨 sorry im asking such childish questions goshhhh also this tiktok made me laugh beomgyu so funny + this era 🥹❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥 and also this compilation of beomgyu going :> is so precious im sorry im not talking about anything really and this isn’t much of a nice reply to ur ask but i just think i talk too much and im just took xcited to have a message out there to let u know im answering and im here for u and i care about u so much i love you hopefully i get maintenance to go through my skull so i can go back to normal anyways i hope that you’re doing well and being happy and healthy always 🫶🏼 take care — all my love to you ♥️ ALSO WAIT DID U SEE BEOMGYU NEW BLACK HAIR??! i just saw as i was gonna hit send haha omg i wonder if soobin is going blond and i heard hyuka might go red 😯😯😯 ANYWAY te AMO <3 — beoms + the infamous flannel

[rexscanonwife]

Please know when I go to hhn, I know there is a sandworm puppet somewhere in the Beetlejuice House and to help with the fear I'm just gonna yell "GERTRUDE, CALM DOWN MOMMA!" because I know that'll scare the absolute shit outta me. I just had to tell you because you are like one of the only people who were that inside joke with me xD -soulnottainted

Ajdjfk AMAZING, HAVE FUN FOR ME!! I'm not doing Halloween horror nights but I AM going to Universal in a couple months so whos knows 👀 maybe I'll bump into beej unexpectedly!!

[mediawhorefics]

My aunt has a widely published novel (it’s in my library and she doesn’t even live in my state) so I totally feel you on the jealousy but LISTEN. There is no timeline. Your novel will come when it’s ready and when it’s published it’ll receive all the fame it deserves

thank you

like... i have a great relationship with my mum and everything but sometimes your parents really do just call and end up saying stuff that makes you feel like shit without meaning to !!!! c’est la vie... 

[skellydun]

😎😎😎😎