#literally i have to be up for my surgery in four hours

[look-at-the-stars-tonight]

I keep having a day but like. every day and i think it would be nice if life was just boring for a little while 

[beaversatemygrandma]

Oh my god. So. My wisdom teeth surgery is tomorrow. (*internal screaming*) And i woke up early today so i’d be able to easily wake up at like 830 tomorrow for it. And i got the reminder i set on my phone for the day before about that time, looked at it, and rolled over in bed for a couple minutes. SomeHow. The twenty minutes i was there was long enough for my brain to give me a 24-hour jump in time. It was 10:15am tomorrow. I was fifteen minutes late for the appointment and I was more scared of having the surgery itself (checks out) than having everybody mad at me for being late (still pretty scared tho). And i went out into the living room to find my mom waiting for me so she could drive me. And that was when i noticed it wasn’t real. My mom lives hundreds of miles away. I wake up. It’s 10. The dread of having to wait another 24 hours hits. Great.

[padawansuggest]

Okay so on Coruscant there are very few people that don’t actually go out into the streets (I’m thinking politicians and Jedi might be some of the few who don’t have to go outside very often if at all because the senate and the temple are both the size of a small city) which means that 1: they NEED to have vitamin D lights on the streets of Coruscant because otherwise everyone would be depressed like in the deepest winter at all times. And 2: that means I think the Jedi temple and the senate themselves also are just full of Vitamin D lights.

Also y’all need to stop writing fics where kids are afraid of ‘getting caught sneaking around after dark’ or something because the temple is literally so full of species that you have no idea of that kid is nocturnal or whatever. They very well could be. Tbh I wanna write a fic where someone catches Obi-Wan sneaking around at night to play a prank with Quin or something and he’s all ‘bruh my eyes glow in the dark I’m obviously meant to be awake at this hour’ and no one can argue with him. Stuff like that.

Also I think the temple neeeeeeeds multiple healing halls (once more. It is the size of a small city) one in the aquatic center of the temple (which canonically exists) one in the temple main (which should span over like four levels and act as it’s own building okay) and one in the creche. This is the MINIMUM amount of healing halls I think they should have.

A tram system should be inside the walls. Places in the temple that act as sideways lifts and also a subway system because believe it or not, there are species in the temple as small as one foot tall, and I’m not just talking about Grogu, I’m talking about others like Kushiban and others similar. Once more. It is the size of a small city. They should have both subway type stations (that take you certain places like the main healing halls or the biggest canteen or the supply sector of the temple things like that) because oh my god imagine how many hours the commute to your workstation could take if you didn’t have that shit. Annoying af.

They gotta have names for all the different canteens okay. Like ‘meet me in the cafeteria’ in a temple the size of a small city is bullshit cause even in the books they have multiple cafeterias.

A… let’s call it a Mall Section of the temple. A place where you can pick up groceries (the temple makes their own food and I assume most of it is cooked in careens but also not letting people cook their own food is a recipe for a Jedi starving to death on a mission lmao) but they also have a salon (skin care and hair care are very important and if you let all these babies cut their own hair they gonna turn out like me no one wants that) and a clothing ‘store’ where you can get certain size clothes and robes from, or even undercover mission clothes. There need to be Jedi in these places too!!! Imagine going to the salon with your master and having a gossip talk about your new lineage member!!! It’s important to society!!!

A Jedi movie theater where the masters send their kiddos on the weekend so they can enjoy a glass of wine and not be sneezed on for three hours.

I’ve actually seen a few mentions in fics and posts about tea salons so that is def also a thing. It’s the Jedi version of a cafe. I think people who like baking take turns working there and everyone chips in for tea selections and stuff.

Droid Ubers. They need to get somewhere but feel sick as heck and it’s not near any good lifts or the subway trams??? Call a droid Uber lmao. It shouldn’t be unusual either lol just grandmaster on his way to bother his kid while not aggravating his hip after hip surgery.

Remember that Jedi who are like 10 foot tall also exist so remember there ARE apartments in the temple that could fit Kenobi’s Dino-Horse girl Boga.

There should also be apartments with like 10 bedrooms and bathrooms (or even one giant communal bathroom) around a singular living/cooking space!!! Let Jedi live in communes!!!!

The aquatic levels of the creche are def the cutest place in the temple you can’t argue with me on the idea of water babies swimming and cuddling under water.

On another note to the fact that species like Kushiban exist???? Imagine tiny doors and corridors that used to be used by mouse droids but they became so useful to tiny Jedi so they got taken over. Just imagine that.

Bartering markets where Jedi trade things, mostly things they get on missions or are given to them as gifts, nothing goes to waste so they find a proper place for all gifts and extras here.

Cooking classes. Obi-Wan has been kicked out of all of them his cooking is so bad. Anakin claims bullshit he loves Master’s cooking! But then, he also eats worms…

Anyways. Y’all too single minded with this shit. It just be all ‘cafeteria, living quarters, healing halls and archives’ with you guys. Where is the culture. Where is the acknowledgment of multiple species all living in the same area taking place in a culture of peace and galactic exploration???? Give them a liquor store idgaf.

[pileofwords]

it's a date

pairing: jeonghan x reader length: 1.3k genre: fluff (i promise!!) warnings: mild language, vague mentions of hospitals + jeonghan's elbow injury summary: A text from your best friend telling you that your boyfriend was in the hospital was definitely not what you wanted to see when you woke up at three in the morning.

shubot (02:34): hey shubot (02:34): jeonghan's in the hospital shubot (02:35): he told me not to tell you but since when have i listened to him about that lol

yn (03:12): shua what the fuck do you mean jeonghan's in the hospital yn (03:13): what's wrong yn (03:13): is he sick yn (03:13): wait, did he get hurt at filming yn (03:14): how serious is this, how freaked out do i need to be bc i am very freaked out yn (03:25): answer!! your!! phone!!!!!!!!!!!!! yn (03:28): shua istg i know you're awake rn

shubot (03:36): i was showering!!

yn (03:37): i WaS sHoWeRiNg BOI DO NOT JUST TEXT ME THAT MY BOYFRIEND IS IN THE HOSPITAL AND THEN GO SHOWER

shubot (03:38): i thought you'd be asleep :/

yn (03:38): answer my questions joshua hong!!!

shubot (03:39): i mean it's not not-serious but it's not life threatening shubot (03:40): it's his elbow, he went in earlier bc the pain got worse and ended up having to have surgery shubot (03:40): he’ll have to wear a cast or brace or something for a few months probably shubot (03:41): he's not dying or anything

yn (03:42): i was about to drive to the dorms rn and smack you i swear yn (03:42): literally holding my car keys

shubot (03:43): i'll give you his hospital room # if you don't slap me

yn (03:44): fine yn (03:44): gimmie

shubot (03:44): score

–

You were smart enough to not show up at the hospital at four in the morning, and you had to go into the office for at least a couple hours to wrap up some projects before taking the rest of the day off, but you were outside of Jeonghan’s hospital suite by noon.

You knocked once but didn’t bother waiting for a response before slipping into the room, only to immediately be met with a loud groan; you laughed, flopping unceremoniously in the chair next to Jeonghan’s bed.

“I told them all not to tell you until I was discharged, I didn’t want you to worry about it, who snitched?”

“Who do you think?”

“I’m gonna kill Joshua.”

“Babe, I’ve been friends with Shua since we were two, he was always gonna tell me. He can’t help it.”

Jeonghan pouted, reaching over with his good hand to grab yours. “But I didn’t want you to worry. It wasn’t a big deal.” 

You wrinkled up your nose playfully, turning your hand over in his so you could wind your fingers together. “I would have worried a lot less if you’d told me instead of Shua ominously texting me at three in the morning that you were in the hospital. With absolutely zero context! No explanation! Imagine waking up in the middle of the night and getting that message.”

Jeonghan winced. "Sorry."

You gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "Hey, you're alive and I didn't have a heart attack, so we're all good."

"Our standards for being good are pretty low if that's the bar we've gotta hit," Jeonghan remarked dryly, but you could hear the smile in his voice.

You shrugged as he brought your connected hands to his face, pressing his lips against the back of your hand and holding there for a second. "As long as we're fine, I'm fine," you said, and you meant it. "You're my rock. I can get through anything with you."

"Doljjong is my rock," Jeonghan said immediately, and his laugh filled the room as you deadpanned, only to be joined by yours a moment later. His laughter was infectious; you could never stay mad at him for long.

"Do I at least get to be your second choice rock?"

He clicked his tongue. "I'd pick you over Doljjong any day."

"You'd pick me over your own son?" You gasped dramatically, hand over your heart as you feigned shock.

Jeonghan winked. "Just don't tell him that."

And you dissolved into giggles again, Jeonghan watching you with the fondest smile on his face, feeling very proud that he was the only one who could make you laugh like that.

Once you'd calmed down, you yawned, checking your phone for the time. "When are you getting discharged?"

Jeonghan pouted at his cast. "Not sure. My physical therapist is supposed to come by sometime between four and five, I think, to go over some stuff and then I can get discharged after that as long as everything looks okay. When do you have to go back to work?"

"I don't," you said cheerfully, quietly delighted at the way his eyes, sparkling hopefully, darted over to you. "Took the rest of the day off because I was worried about my poor hospitalized boyfriend. Thought I might take him out to dinner and everything for being sooooo brave.” 

Jeonghan was smiling so hard at the thought of getting to spend the whole day with you that he couldn’t even be mad at your teasing. Your dates had been quick ones for the last few months, just coffee or a meal between breaks or short naps at your place – his busy schedule and yours had prevented any more than that and, though you texted and called all the time, he missed you.

So you spent the afternoon talking, Jeonghan telling you all the funny stories about his members that he hadn’t yet, you catching him up on the latest office gossip, you both making suggestions and lighthearted plans for the next time he had a break. 

A little after four, when there was a momentary lull in your conversation, you stretched your arms over your head and moved to get up; Jeonghan grabbed the side of your shirt.

“Where’re you going?” 

You rolled your eyes at the note of disappointment in his voice, leaning over to kiss his cheek. “Your physical therapist is coming, remember?” His lips slipped into a silent ‘O’ and you smiled fondly. “I’m just going to wait in the cafe downstairs until you’re done. I probably shouldn’t be here while they’re going through everything with you.”

“Why not? I want–”

“You don’t want me here because then I’ll know what you’re supposed to be doing and not doing and I’ll just end up nagging you even more every single time we talk.”

“Good point.”

You laughed, grabbing your bag. “Text me when you’re done, okay?”

“Yeah. Babe?”

You paused in the doorway, looking back at him with a questioning hum.

“Love you.”

A smile blossomed over your face. “Always. Love you back.”

“Always,” he repeated and he grinned, flopping back against his pillows as you disappeared out of the room.

–

hanniehae (16:37): i’m gonna kill you

shubot (16:38): no you’re not ♡ shubot (16:38): you know you wanted yn to come visit you ♡

hanniehae (16:39): yeah thanks or whatever

yn (16:40): you know you’re texting the group chat right?

hanniehae (16:41): yeah that was on purpose hanniehae (16:41): send him that pic of us hanniehae (16:42): make him feel all sad and lonely for being the single friend, that’s part of his punishment

shubot (16:44): but i’m not sad or lonely shubot (16:44): or the single friend 😉🤪

hanniehae (16:45): WHAT

yn (16:45): WHAT

hanniehae (16:46): SINCE WHEN

yn (16:46): AND WHO

hanniehae (16:47): WHEN DID YOU START KEEPING SECRETS FROM US

yn (16:48): gonna kick him out of the best friend chat fr wtf yn (16:53): … yn (16:58): JOSHUA JISOO HONG yn (16:58): STOP DROPPING BOMBS IN CHAT AND THEN DISAPPEARING yn (16:59): omfg

hanniehae (17:00): we still get to be the cute couple though, right 🥺

yn (17:01): ofc we are 💗 yn (17:02): now stop texting and pay attention to your physical therapist so we can go get dinner, i’m hungry

hanniehae (17:03): only if you beat up shua for me after 💗

yn (17:04): it’s a date 💗

[heavyhitterheaux]

Through Thick and Thin

AN: I'm literally obsessed with WMCJ and keep watching it lol

Synopsis: When your long term boyfriend Jeremy first gets injured, you do your best to help take care of him. But now that he has had multiple surgeries, it all comes to a head when he realizes nothing is going to be the same anymore

Pairing: Jeremy x Reader (WMCJ)

Requested by: the gorgeous @nattinatalia 😘💕 and shoutout to @hoodharlow since these two are always letting me bounce ideas off of them 🥰

Jack Harlow Masterlist

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

You woke up with a start and glanced at the clock on the nightstand which read 2:57 am which led you to then peek over to see your boyfriend wide awake staring off into space.

"Babe, why are you up? Are you in pain?" You asked while sitting up and brushing a hand through his curls.

"Just couldn't sleep. That's all." He answered while taking your hand in his and rubbing the back of it. 

"Well why didn't you wake me up? I'm worried about you."

"I'm good, babe. I promise, just go back to sleep."

"As long as you're sure?" You asked while moving closer to him.

"I'm sure, you have to get up early for work in a few hours. Go back to sleep." Jeremy said while leaning over to kiss your forehead.

"Don't stay up too much longer, okay? I love you." You said while snuggling up to his side.

"I love you too. So much."

When he heard your heavy breathing, he pulled his phone back out to continue watching his highlight reel from when he used to play basketball and sighed. 

He tore not one, but both ACL's and since having multiple surgeries, his body wasn't nearly the same and had a feeling that him playing basketball was a thing of the past.

He was currently recovering from his latest surgery with you being his primary caregiver and this was putting a huge dent in both of your finances. 

Instead of teaching multiple dance classes a day like before, you were down to two so you could be home with him helping him recover. Deep down Jeremy knew that you didn't mind it, but he couldn't help but start to feel as if he was a burden to you. He would never tell you that seeing as how much both of you loved each other and he knew for a fact that you would never think of caring for your boyfriend as a burden. 

So in the mornings, you would set him up on the couch with food, snacks, water, and medicine while you went to work. It was only for two and a half hours, but long enough for you to worry about your boyfriend. Ever since his injury happened, they were hopeful that this first surgery would work and he would be able to play again. Now we were on surgery number four and it was beginning to look bleak. 

When you got home, you would get there in time in order to open the door for his physical therapist to come in and work with him on different exercises.

You knew how much basketball meant to Jeremy and if he never got the chance to play again, you didn't know what he would do and you were scared. 

In the end, all you wanted was for him to be okay. 

Your alarm went off at 6:30 and you quickly silenced it. You looked over to see Jeremy sound asleep with his phone on his chest. You quickly picked it up to place it on the charger to make sure it would have a full battery just in case he needed to call you for something and noticed that it was playing a video of him playing basketball and you simply turned it off and sighed.

Once you were out of the shower and dressed, you went to his side of the bed and simply placed kisses all over his face until he woke up.

"Hmm? You okay baby?"

"Hey I'm fine. How do you feel? Do you want me to help you get in the shower or do you think you have it?"

"I think I got it and I feel okay."

"Okay, go ahead. I'll just lay out some clothes for you." 

He simply nodded as he moved the comforter off of him and proceeded to swing his legs around off the bed in order to stand up. You were watching closely as you stood in front of him ready to help if he needed you. 

One thing you never let him do was move from room to room or get in the shower by himself if you weren't home to help him. The last thing you wanted to risk was him falling.

He took the crutches as you handed them to him and he leaned down to kiss you before making his way into the bathroom. 

After you made sure that he got there okay, you took the opportunity to make up the bed and neatly laid his clothes on top of it. You then headed to the kitchen to make breakfast for the two of you and decided on bacon, eggs, and fruit even though Jeremy swore up and down that he was going to go vegan. 

Him always ordering McDonald's proved otherwise.

Once you were finished with breakfast and setting up all that he would need on the couch in the living room, you went back into the bedroom to see him finishing getting dressed and you simply walked over to him and placed a kiss on top of his curly hair and all he did was look up at you and smile.

"You sure you’re okay? I can stay home if…"

"No baby, we both know how much we need the money and I'll be fine. I should be back on my feet in no time."

"Okay. Come on, let me help you up." You said as you held out your hand for him to take and made sure he steadied himself as he stood up. 

You let him walk in front of you as you held onto him from behind until he was safely on the couch in front of the TV. 

"Okay, I made you food and you have snacks. Oh and your water. Here's the remote and your phone is fully charged. I shouldn't be long, okay?"

All Jeremy did was nod and you couldn't help but to frown.

"Baby, it's going to be okay. I have to go, but you know I love you to the moon and back." You said while leaning down to give him several kisses.

"I love you too. I'll probably just go back to sleep after I eat."

"Okay, you have your phone if you need me and do not get up by yourself."

"I know, I know."

“Be back soon.”

—

You turned the key into the door, finally getting home and walked into the living room to see your boyfriend on the floor and immediately dropped your bag and ran over to him.

“Oh my gosh, baby are you okay? Are you hurt? What did I tell you about trying to get up by yourself?! Why didn’t you wait for me?! Here let me help you.” You said while holding out your hand for him to take and he immediately pushed you away.

“I don’t need your fucking help, I can do it.”

“What the hell is the attitude for? Baby you’re on the FLOOR. I don’t want you to risk hurting yourself even more, you just had surgery! AGAIN.”

“And you don’t have to remind me. Don’t you think I know that? It’s the fourth fucking time.”

“Jeremy, lose the attitude immediately because this is not okay. We don’t talk to each other like that.”

He suddenly got silent as he pushed himself up so that his back was now resting against the couch and you were sitting next to him.

“Baby, please just let me help you.” You said while tears were forming in your eyes. It hurt you seeing him this upset and knowing that the one thing he wanted to do you couldn’t help him with. 

“I’m… I’m never going to play again am I?” He quietly asked while not looking at you and you immediately sighed.

“We don’t know that, yet.”

“It’s pretty fucking clear since this is now the fourth surgery that I’ve had for the same damn thing.”

“I get that you want to play, I do, but there is so much more to life than playing basketball.”

“Easy for you to say since you can still dance and do what you love. I can’t do anything anymore. I can’t even pay for a bag of my girlfriend’s favorite chips when I go to the store because I don’t know if my card will get declined or not. I was supposed to be playing in the NBA by now and now look at me. Just a complete failure at everything including being your boyfriend. What are you even still doing with me anyway? I have absolutely nothing to offer you anymore. I had so many plans for us when I made it to the NBA. Can’t even propose to you because I can’t afford a damn ring to put on your finger.” You could slowly see the tears start to fall and you immediately scooted onto his lap and embraced him while trying to wipe them away.

“I’m with you because I love you and I have loved you since I was eighteen years old. So what if you didn’t make it to the NBA? You say you had all these plans for when you did, but we can still make them a reality. Bottom line is we have each other and I am not going anywhere and have no plans to. You mean the absolute world to me and we are in this together. No matter how much of a fight you put up or push me away, I am never leaving your side.”

Jeremy was silent as he slowly rubbed your back before hugging you tighter when you suddenly had an idea.

“Meditate with me.” You said and he looked over at you as if you were crazy.

“I’m not doing that shit and since when do black people meditate?”

“Jer, come on. You’ll feel better. Just try. I recently started doing it and it helps."

You then took his hands in yours and started to slowly inhale and exhale telling him to do the same.

“When you feel like you need to be grounded, doing meditation helps.”

Before he knew it, fifteen minutes had passed and he opened his eyes and simply looked at you.

“Like I said before, you mean everything to me and this is just a minor bump in the road. We’re going to get to a place where we don’t have to worry about where our next meal is coming from and I just thought about something that you said earlier. You want to marry me?”

“Well, yeah. I thought it was obvious.” Jeremy said while looking down and playing with your hands.

“I’d marry you in a heartbeat but first I want us to focus on you getting better. I will be here for you through it all, you understand?”

“I understand.”

“And now do you feel better after meditating with me?”

“I.. do.”

“One step at a time and we’ll get there. I love you so very much and I just wish you could see what I see in you.” You said while playing in his curls.

All Jeremy did was stay silent and look away from you.

“If you don’t say you love me back, I will be forced to tickle you and you are at my mercy.”

“NO! I love you too and do NOT do that!” He quickly answered and you immediately laughed.

“I knew I would get it out of you when I said that. You’re going to do great things, baby. And I can’t wait to see it all unfold. Whether it’s on the court or off.” You said while leaning down to kiss him. 

“But for now can you help me up?”

“Last time I checked you said that you didn’t need my help.” You responded while eyeing him.

“Well I lied and this floor is anything but comfortable.”

“Of course I’ll help you, you know that you never have to ask.”

“Through thick and thin?”

“Through thick and thin, baby.”

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[cleolinda]

Here's another song I had wanted to write about: Hozier's "Movement." It is a fact of my existence that I get into a musical artist/band about 10 years after everyone else does, and then they become 30% of my personality (see also: Florence and the Machine). So I didn't really get with the program until Wasteland, Baby, and even then, it was for an unusual reason.

When did this album come out, spring of 2019? I had spinal surgery in early 2018. A discectomy, L4/L5; the disc had gradually become herniated due to a fall I'd had at a convention. My surgeon was required to warn me that surgery would come with a (low) chance of paralysis; it was my choice to make. After two weeks of seizing up in pain every hour or so, confined to my bed—hydrocodone did nothing—I chose the scalpel. Even then, it was another four weeks before he could work me into the operating schedule. Trust me when I say, no matter how I'm doing now, I do not regret having that surgery.

But he also told me, "You will always be a person who has had spinal surgery." Since anything was better than screaming every time I moved, I didn't fully understand what he meant until a year or so later, when I was still in pain—a chronic but lower-grade pain that came and went depending on how much activity I dared try that particular day. It was infinitely better than before. And, but, yet, I still deal with that chronic pain today. I will always be that person.

"Walk," he told me. I had a packet of therapy exercises to do, sure, but he was firm on this point. "That's the main exercise you need. Just walking." Which I couldn't do at first—I didn't have to learn to walk again or anything, but I was in a wheelchair early on, then on a wheeled walker for a couple of months. I also have inherited neuropathy in my feet, which was exacerbated by electrically painful sciatic nerve damage down my right leg while I waited for my slot in the surgery calendar. (I swear to God I will start talking about music soon.) I only walk across the longest side of my backyard. I don't leave it and walk around the neighborhood, because I generally have about two minutes upright to get back to the house once my feet start hurting.

So I had been struggling with my walking assignment for about a year when "Movement" came out. Of course it's literally about physically moving (and emotionally being moved), but that wasn't what captured me. The song starts out slow and reflective; it was a gentle tempo for a time when I couldn't walk very fast, and I still use it as a warm-up today. But there are two other things I love about it. One, the willow tree in the chorus, as I was walking my little runway back and forth under a canopy of wild water oak draped with wisteria, looking up into the sun through the leaves and snowflake flowers of an overgrown cherry laurel. Sound met landscape.

But the other thing is how—generous? accepting?—the words are of the "you" of the song. This person, the lyrics say, does not have to be a virtuoso dancer like Fred Astaire or Sergei Polunin (who's in the video up there). Instead, "you're Atlas in his sleeping, and when you move, I'm moved." My absolute favorite part is,

Move like grey skies Move like a bird of paradise Move like an odd sight come out at night

What the fuck even are these lyrics. I can't. That's so good. You ever sit there as a writer and think, I'm so mad I didn't come up with that? Just the pure unexpectedness, "I'm telling you how earthshakingly amazing this person is. Like a beautiful willow, like a rare bird, like some weird-ass cryptid in the night, I don't even know what that was about but I love it." What even. So good.

And I was for sure an odd sight shambling back and forth across the back of my yard: five minutes at first. Then ten the next week, working my way up to thirty, still in a dull roar of constant pain a year into my recovery. But this is a song that says, your efforts to move are moving, whatever movement is natural for you; you may be sleeping just now, you may be moving without moving, but you are wonderful not in spite of being strange in your movements, but because of it. The song always feels like a friend walking along with me, no matter how many setbacks I have, or how slow I have to go.

Anyway, Unreal Unearth comes out next Friday. The five songs Hozier's put out so far are ridiculously good, and I've scheduled a couple of months to be completely feral about it. When the weather is less dangerously hot, we'll find out which songs are good to move to.

[fangirleaconmigo]

So I’ve been a bit absent. Putting a ‘read more’ because shit in my life has gotten very real very quickly.

One of my younger sisters went to urgent care with stomach discomfort last Tuesday. It turned out that she had a huge mass in her pelvis, (18x25 cm) and our lives were plunged into a black hole of fear.

In the past week/weekend, she’s gotten blood tests and referrals for more scans. Every test result is more ominous and terrifying than the last. It is definitely ovarian cancer and she will need a major surgery and we don’t know what else.

In one day, I moved her completely into my house. She gave notice on hers. We are trying to find foster care for her cats while she is in treatment because she can’t care for them during, and neither can I.

We still haven’t had a proper prognosis and treatment plan. That will be today, I hope. I am about to drive her to her first actual appointment with a real oncologist.

It’s early and I’m lying awake in my bed. I haven’t slept much in the past weeks. I go to sleep googling ovarian cancer, and I wake up and google ovarian cancer, and I feel like an entire house is crushing me. I can barely breathe. I have to go fetal position for a few minutes sometimes during the day to get through it.

We need some hope today. We need some good news. We need, at the very minimum, a plan for her care. Something to focus on.

Please keep us in your thoughts and send us some love and good will. She is either in shock or being very brave but she could get hopeful, or devastating news today (or more terrifying limbo) and I don’t know where that will leave us.

I won’t try to tell you how much my sister means to me. But I will say that we grew up together in an isolated family with shitty, monstrous, abusive parents and it fused us together in profound ways. I raised her to the extent that a child can raise another child. (It’s like that John Mulaney joke where he said his babysitter was so young, it was like a horse caring for a dog lol)

We are both super sci-fi fantasy nerds. I watch tv with her probably three to four nights a week, and we can talk for LITERAL HOURS about the intricacies of the writing and the characters on the various franchises. We usually agree, but we probably woke the neighbors with our argument about who the best Doctor Who companion was.

We work at the same hospital and share an office one day a week, and the people in the hall probably hear our elaborate Star Wars or MCU theories.

I know better than to get her started about certain things, but no matter what I do, every Thanksgiving she gives an entire speech about how the LOTR movie adaptations failed Gimli, son of Gloin.

We’ve been to Supernatural cons (we’ve both written SPN fic), and SDCC together many times. Actually, we went to ECCC together this year, so @spacecores and @roguepyrola met her and can attest to the fact that she is a mouthy, down to earth, absolutely brilliant, funny, foul mouthed, nerdy ass bitch.

I NEED HER, ok, I FUCKIN NEED HER.

So if you meditate, pray, send intentions, I don’t care what it is, I need it today. Her appointment is in about three hours and we need some hope.

Thanks for reading, friends. ♥️ I know this isn’t fandom related but we’re all real life human beings here with real lives, and that’s what is happening in mine.

[defilerwyrm]

I'm a trans man who wants phallo SO bad but the Fear Mongering people do makes me so scared. I have such a fear of surgery anyway and people say phallo is nearly 23hrs long, and it has more risks than heart surgery does, and idk if these are true bc I'm too scared to google it..But I want it so bad, but the stuff I hear scares me. Also people saying it doesn't have any sensation worries me. You said trans men can ask about it so I hope this is ok to do on anon!!! I'd appreciate a non fear filled reply so much thanks!!

23 hours!! Those poor surgeons, can you imagine!

Virtual hugs if you’re the hugging type, Anon, and a cool rock if you’re not.

Those things are definitely not true, not remotely. It’s a long surgery, but when I say it’s long that means it’s about 8 hours all told. It sounds like maybe someone heard it referred to as an “all-day” thing meaning a full WORK day, but instead assumed that that meant a full CALENDAR day. Or, you know, a transphobe made shit up to scare people.

It is most definitely not nearly as risky to your wellbeing as a surgery in which they saw open your sternum and cut open your actual beating heart. There is a fairly high chance of a minor complication that can result in the terrible ordeal of getting pee on your pants sometimes—a urethral fistula—and in most cases, they close up on their own anyway without needing another surgery to correct them. And in this case, “fairly high” means 40%, so it’s still less than half a chance that it’ll happen in the first place. At worst it’s annoying. Serious complications, the type that put you in danger, are extremely rare.

The sensation thing is also false, because they literally harvest a length of nerve from your donor site and hook it up to your existing bits specifically so you WILL have sensation! Sure, it takes a little while for the nerve to heal, but that’s just the reality of ANY surgery.

The nerve grows back in your donor site, too, by the way. While I was typing this up I discovered that one particular spot on my graft is ticklish.

Everyone has their own individual healing factor, but speaking for myself, I had full erotic sensation before the 3-month mark, and the orgasms have been incredible. The head and base are highly sensitive, and everything in between responds pretty damn nicely too, just less of a hit-the-ceiling level of sensitivity. And, you know, if you’ve handled an AMAB person’s penis much at all you’ll know that’s pretty much in keeping with how their dicks work too.

It is an in-patient surgery so if you have it, you’ll be staying in a hospital for a few days so they can keep an eye out for rare disasters. My stay was four or five days of snoring most of the day and periodically getting woken up to eat or answer some simple check-in questions, lift my arm for nurses to move stuff, etc, and then conking back out.

Being cathed sucks, but two weeks of frequent trips to the toilet to drain your bag is honestly nothing compared to a lifetime without (or with vastly reduced) bottom dysphoria. That’s the part that I hated. Everything else was your typical recovery: 10-15 days of sleeping 20 hours a day, then however many weeks of being tired, taking meds, and careful washing, gradually feeling more and more normal until you’re back up to full and ready to get back to business as usual.

Except with this one, you get to learn to pee standing up in the process. :D

(Protip: don’t try a public urinal until you’ve got it down pat at home. Not because of cis men, but because the learning process is messy, lol! The overwhelming majority of cis men in public restrooms want nothing to do with anyone else while they’re in there. The only place anyone’s gonna give your dick more than half a second’s accidental glance is in a gay bar. In 8+ years of using public men’s rooms I have yet to see one (1) penis that wasn’t mine!)

[girlwholovesturtles]

Rolling With It

Okay, so I had surgery on one of my hands yesterday morning, my dominant hand no less, so typing is gonna be tricky but I am in fact stubborn enough to continue live blogging. Mostly because I have a garbage memory and if I don't put my thoughts down, I will totally forget everything I listened to.

I will start putting cuts though, since the episode came out literally today.

Heck yeah, the music!

Sam is still getting the paper work? And he's stubbornly still doing it? Dude, you should really ask your boss about this paperwork?

Oh, hello Jon? Just started on his own? Oh, statement from the Institute?

Bro, don't insult D&D!

Does this man have a set of cursed dice? Ah, gambler's dice maybe?

So this dude went around spreading bad luck so that he could take all the good luck the dice had. Definitely an interesting concept.

Oh? Wait, is this like a set of death's dice?

OH! Snake eyes. Well sucks to suck, my guy. I wonder if he was named Gary after Gary Gygax?

Dude, no! Mayhaps you should have appreciated the supernatural gift you were given instead of being a fool!

So what fear even is that? The End? Maybe the Corruption? Are there totally new fears in this world or maybe they're merging to become something new and not quite so defined?

Oh, we're getting Gwen?

I am also confused... Are you some sort of angel of death with this?

Alice! Who is this? Oh, he's the dude that left the first episode. Good choice not to go back, actually.

Interesting... so is the idea that Alice is still into Sam or is she actually into Celia? Like, I like Sam and Alice's friendship but I do want to know how they broke up before I say I want to see them get back together. And I'm also really on the fence still about if Sam and Celia are even into each other? Like, they made fast friends but it's had to really tell if it's actual attraction I should be reading into there.

Wow, Sam?! You really gonna just assume that Alice and Teddy have a thing just because they were hanging out? I'm starting to think none of you weirdos can read a room!

"Look mate, Bigfoots a good lay." Alice is my kind of people!

I'm sorry? Sam, you are gonna get Alice hurt!

Manchester? Wasn't the Institute in Chelsea? I just paused and looked it up and those two places are very far from each other. That's a four hour drive apparently.

And Alice is agreeing to this?! Oh, girly really does have it bad!

[saintjosie]

WAIT YOU AND JESS WEREN'T DATING BEFORE???

storytime! @pirateprincessjess

so i met jess around march 2021 because she raided me on twitch. she said she found me on tiktok and i immediately went to go check her out and followed her back. i actually remember looking at my phone during my stream and thinking, “oh she’s really cute”, following her, and then moving on with the stream.

we chat back and forth for a few months and stream together a few times and then towards the end of 2021, i found out that she only lived a few hours away from me. so i’m like, “hey! you’re nearby, wanna get together and make some videos?”

that was our first time meeting each other in person and it was also the same weekend that we filmed the skirt go spinny video! we got along so well right off the bat but we both knew that we werent ready to date for different reasons.

6 months later, in feb of 2022, jess has her orchiectomy. i had moved twice within those two months, raleigh to dallas and then from dallas to nashville, and we are on a video call late at night while she was recovering from her surgery. jess is stoned out of her mind on pain meds and all of a sudden she is like:

“are we flirting right now?”

and i’m just like 😳😳😳 UM KIND OF MAYBE YES IDK BUT ONLY IF YOURE INTO IT HAHA JUST KIDDING 😳😳😳

to which she responds “nice. you should come visit again. come any time. and i literally mean it, you can come visit ANY time”.

i’m now sweating profusely, “haha okay how about next week?”

i drive 8 hours from nashville to south carolina to help her get around the apartment while she’s recovering from her surgery and hang out with her. on the day before valentine’s day, the day before i am headed back home, we decide we are going to try dating and that we are gonna take it really slow.

for the next month we spend hours talking on facetime every day. at first a few hours a night, then five, then 10, then we are falling asleep and waking up together over facetime. then i finally get to go and visit her for a week and we finally get to have our first date. the week is too short. i weep when i have to leave. i weep on the drive home. there was nothing slow about how fast i fell for her.

a month away from jess then a week with jess. we do this for 8 more months. driving back and forth 8 hours has never been easier. we talk about moving in together but it’s too much too fast and we don’t want to be hasty uhaul lesbians. until finally my lease is up and we cave.

it’s been four months now since we’ve moved in together and it’s been absolutely incredible 🥰

[foap-enjoyer]

Little sneak peak of my inclusion in 'AI-less whumptober' 2023!

CoD edition ;)

This is the day four prompt; Hiding an injury. I've got many more in the works of course, I plan to do all 31 days!

~

“Well, that went to shit.”

“Nicely put, Sergeant.”

At least Price agreed with him. Then again, it’d be weird if he didn’t; the mission had most definitely gone ‘to shit’. Out of an assigned twenty, three hadn’t made it home, and another fifteen had been injured. The literal, figurative, documented definition of shit.

Even Ghost. The lieutenant Ghost, had been among those injured. A minor wound, compared to some of the others, but at the end of the day, it was still a bullet to the leg. Soap had watched him fall. Hell, he’d been personally responsible for taking out the prick dumb enough to even consider aiming at him.

He would’ve been the idiot to have to drag Ghost out of the fray, but luckily, Gaz was there. He had been quick to charge forward, hooking his hands through Ghost’s shoulder straps and yanking, hard. They’d tumbled off out of view, into the brush surrounding the battle field. An embarrassing feat, and yet Soap never called him out for it.

He found out later Gaz had been shot too, reaching for their lieutenant. Shoulder, right besides his neck- way too close for comfort. Way too close. 

Like he said. The mission went to shit. 

He felt bad for the doctors, too- and the nurses, and field medics, and anyone during those grueling four hours out on the field who had any single drop of medical training. They’d been strained, and if he was honest, were still strained now. Injuries don’t heal magically once you step off of the helo and onto base, after all. Four of the fifteen had collapsed upon arriving, seven had needed surgery, and yet another had died along the way. It had been pure chaos.

So why would he bring up that he was hurt?

There had been no point. A couple of bruises is what he had, and that’s all they were. Deep, purple, ugly bruises that marred the entirety of his left arm, but simple bruises nonetheless. Nothing compared to what he had seen today, and by God had he seen a lot. 

Sure, his arm ached, burned, even, but not as much as he imagined Corporal Ellias’ legs felt after being violently torn to shreds by a grenade in the field. He’d seen the man screaming as they wheeled him into surgery, where he sat in the waiting room with Price. There was no way they could save the legs, given the severity. He couldn’t compete with that. His bruises didn’t even come close to that. 

So he did the next best thing; shut the fuck up. 

Contrary to popular belief, Sergeant Soap Mactavish was very good at shutting up. An impressive feat for any soldier, let alone one who worked with explosives. They had a nasty stereotype of being crazy. Madmen. A stereotype that many of his fellow specialists happily filled in with no cares in the world. But him? 

Being a member of 141 didn’t give him that privilege. He’d learnt to be quiet as his time as a rookie, because being quiet got him further than opening his trap and yapping. You sit, nice and quiet, like a little dog, and you’re rewarded. That was the game the military played, and a game he was very, very good at. 

This was no different.

Sit like a good, quiet dog.

Price sighed from beside him. A heavy, achingly tired sound.

Soap blinked away the fog building in his eyes, glancing over at him. “You alright, Cap?”

Price looked at him, “Four men are dead, Soap.” He leaned forward onto his knees, holding his head in his hands, rubbing fingers stiffly against the bridge of his nose. “They don’t think Ellias will make it either.”

Soap leaned back into his chair, ignoring the way his arm screamed at him as he brought it up, crading it idly to his chest. “It doesn’t surprise me.” He thought back to the injuries on the corporal. Even if he did survive, he would be without legs, most definitely no longer a soldier. Mutilated beyond ‘repair’, according to the army. He could still live a good, happy life though. If he pulled through. “Have the nurses called his family yet?”

Price sighed again, “They’re gonna wait, see if he survives the night. Don’t want to put all that stress on them for nothing.”

He nodded. It made sense, after all. “You speak to the receptionist, then?”

“For a moment, before she shoved me out here.” Out ‘here’ was their waiting room. Outside of the actual medical ward their base owned. He wouldn’t even consider it a waiting room. More like a glorified corridor. “They’re over-run in there, poor sods.”

Sit like a good, quiet dog. “Yeah, no kidding.” He rubbed a thumb gently over his sleeved-injury, massaging the fabric over the bruises. It sent a shockwave of fresh agony through his body, causing him to jolt violently in his seat. Price didn’t seem to notice. Somehow. “Any news on, um-” Fuck, that hurt. “Gaz ‘n’ Ghost?”

“Ghost is doing fine. Bullet didn’t pierce anything major. He’s awake and moving, last I heard.”

“And… Gaz?”

Price inhaled sharply. “Gaz is in surgery. Bullet…” He exhaled, softer, this time. “Something about it is upsetting the doctors.”

“Fuck.”

“Fuck indeed, son. Fuck indeed.”

They sat in silence for a moment. Soap had no doubt that his Captain was thinking about Gaz. He couldn’t blame him, now, he was too. Until a clog in his mind clicked. “Have you been checked out yet, Price?”

His captain blinked, opening his mouth to speak. Nothing came out. Soap chuckled, prodding the older man’s shoulder with his good arm. “Go get checked out.”

“I’m fine.” Price found his voice, furrowing his brows. “Just a few scrapes.”

“Always better to get checked out, aye?”

Price’s eyes fell on him. “Have you?”

 Soap smiled awkwardly, meeting his gaze. He watched as the man glared into his soul, studying every inch of him available to the eye. “I’m all good, Price.” He promised, “I got checked out on the plane.”

It technically was true. A half-truth. He’d gotten a nasty cut on his head, and a field medic had offered to close it up for him during their journey back, when she had had the time to take her gaze away from the grievous wounds of his teammates. 

He sported the beige, sad, half-sticky plaster as a token of his truth.

“Go on.” He encouraged with a wave of his hand when Price jostled slightly, uncertain. “Get lost, go get looked at.”

“Alright.” That one word was filled with doubt. Soap smiled harder, a grin that bared his teeth. A defensive smile. “Stay here, will you?”

“Wouldn’t dream of leaving you, Cap.”

-

To be continued, look out for my oneshot AI-less whumptober book coming out on my AO3 :)

Tsukuyomi_Ravioli | Archive of Our Own

[skyloftian-nutcase]

Hey @arecaceae175 have a graduation snippet gift <3

(@hermitdrabbles56)

This hadn't exactly been what he'd expected.

Surgery was precise and generally straightforward. If there was a problem that needed fixing, one simply addressed it. Medicine was much messier, ruling out issues and treating symptoms rather than addressing the issue at hand.

Emergency medicine was a chaotic mix of both. Link hadn't exactly known what he was getting himself into when he'd signed up for a trauma surgery and emergency medicine fellowship.

As if residency hadn't been grueling enough, what with up to 100 hour work weeks, this fellowship finally brought him back to the action in a way he'd never experienced. His past was... checkered, for sure, but it had always been solo missions, not an all out war zone.

He also hadn't been on the front lines for the injuries up to this point.

Five years into being a doctor and he could still have his breath stolen away by feeling so utterly clueless.

Shaking his head, Link centered himself. Sure, this was less controlled than an operating room, but he could still fix wounds. This wasn't entirely new to him, just a different environment.

"I need a doctor over here!"

The call was commanding and urgent, and Link immediately went to it. A blonde nurse with a confidence that filled the room was holding pressure on a wound, hands preoccupied with preventing the soldier from bleeding to death.

"You want to put in a order for fast blood?" he said in a terse tone that, despite the phrasing used, wasn't a question.

Link nodded, going to the nearby computer to put in the order.

"You'll have to call for the blood, too," the nurse continued. "And I'm going to need a hemostatic agent for this."

The doctor paused a moment, simultaneously grateful and mildly annoyed at all the orders. He wasn't against nurses knowing what they needed and ordering for it, and he was completely out of his element, but the fiercely independent side of him was not a fan of having orders barked at him. Nevertheless, he did as instructed and watched the nurse quickly use the specailized gauze on the wound and wrap it tightly as best he could. Despite his efforts, specks of crimson began to ooze through.

"His BP is 72/41, tachycardic in the 120s, O2 saturation is dropping despite being on nonrebreather at 15L," the nurse reported, changing his gloves and immediately grabbing the first cooler of blood that arrived. He called for another nurse to check the blood with him and then looked at Link sharply. "I can send labs for you. What else would you like?"

This person was in shock. They needed to know what products the patient needed. Labs were absolutely necessary. Link slipped back into routine knowledge, blocking out the chaotic backdrop of the constant chatter and movement around him, and got to work.

Four units of red blood cells, two units of fresh frozen plasma, two liters of fluids, blood pressure intravenous drips, and a quick arterial line placement later, they made a hasty trip to surgery to repair a damaged artery.

When it was all finished, Link wandered back into the ER and saw the room where the patient had previously been bleeding all over the floor was already clean and filled with another whose leg had been blasted off.

"So you surgical or ER doc?" the nurse from before asked as he gave the new patient a fluid bolus and pain medication.

"Surgery," Link answered. "But I'm doing a rotation in the ER."

The nurse paused and smirked. "Bit different from your tidy little OR, right?"

Link huffed and smiled in return. "I've seen chaos before, but yes, it is different."

"Name's Link," the nurse said, catching the surgical fellow off guard. "You?"

"Well... it'll be easy to remember, because my name is Link as well," he answered.

The nurse frowned. "What, really?"

"Really."

The nurse laughed at that. "You'll need a nickname. That'll get confusing."

"And you?"

"I'm Link. You need a nickname."

Link raised an eyebrow. "What's your rank?"

"Captain."

"Then that's your nickname."

The captain's face soured in mild annoyance before he shrugged and waved a hand with enough lighthearted energy to diminish his grumpiness. "Fine. But you get one too. If I'm not Link, the no one is."

That finally pulled a laugh out of the physician. The young man was cheeky despite his earlier serious demeanor. His codename came to mind and he immediately dismissed it. Then he remembered his reputation in his previous OR, and he smirked.

"Timekeeper."

"Too many syllables. The patient will have bled to death by the time I call for you. Time."

Time laughed again. "Very well."

[gaitwae]

Maid of Honor [|] Stephen Strange x F!Reader

@lucywrites02 this is for u

part 2

Summary: Stephen goes to Christine’s wedding, where you’re the maid of honor.

Warnings: Mild MOM spoilers (it’s literally just the wedding in the trailer), fem!reader, flirting, weddings, Stephen-typical swearing 

Rating: PG

“Doctor Strange,” someone called softly. The voice came like a dream, and the hands that touched his shoulders felt like heaven. The way you said his name was clearly informal, no matter the title. “You should sleep soon. C’mon.” 

“Oh, Y/N,” he groaned in exhaustion, “I just have to finish this report. Go home without me.”

He felt lips brush against his. “I would, but I can’t leave without my favorite man in the whole wide world. That would be inhumane. What if he can’t drive himself home?” You leaned against the back of his hair, letting your fingers play with whatever they wanted.

Stephen smiled as hands ran through his hair. “I really do have to finish this, sweetheart. You can go home and get some well-deserved rest.” He closed his eyes and wiped his face. “Don’t let me keep you, Doctor Strange.” He looked up at you, and he felt a foreign hunger, a yearning in his soul.

“Well, you’ll have to start coming home with me soon, Stephen.” You crossed your arms, your beautiful wedding ring glittering in the light. He sat back in his chair as he admired you. You noticed and very softly added, “In the near future, J won’t be able to drive.”

His eyes widened. “…Why?” 

You beamed. “I have foot surgery soon.”

He sat up again. “What? Why did you say that as if—?”

“—As if I was pregnant? To see how you’d react. Nice to know you were disappointed.” You laughed, kissed his head with sympathy, and then once more on the mouth. “I’ll go get my stuff.”

-- -- -- 

Stephen bolted up in bed with a scream. He was drenched in sweat, his face felt too warm, and his heart wouldn’t stop beating. It wasn’t a nightmare, but it was all too real. His mouth tingled. His forehead tingled. The tears in his eyes were odd, misplaced. He had no time to be emotional. He looked over at the clock—7 AM. Four hours until Christine’s wedding… four hours to try and forget that he dreamt he was married to his old coworker. 

Stephen Strange usually knew how his day was going to go. There were usually two routes: bland, boring, and normal, or big, nasty, aliens from outer space. If it wasn’t one of the two, it was some kind of mashup. Right now, he wasn’t sure if he would choose normal. He would see you again, just like he frequently had over the last couple of months. You’d become a close friend to him, now. 

“She probably won’t care about what you look like,” he said, scratching the back of his neck as he found himself wondering what to wear. Just because Y/N had once harbored feelings for him but that didn’t mean anything now. Christine was getting married, so anything could happen. “You’ll be fine.”

He speedily got ready for the day from that point on. He remembered combing back his hair, just the way he used to. He remembered picking his suit out, hoping it would bring out his eyes. Though he wanted to forget that dream, part of him wanted to make it a reality. He was wishing and praying for partnership, nowadays—ironic, since he wasn’t sure he believed in God. 

“You’re an imbecile,” he told himself in the mirror. He scowled. The Cloak of Levitation wiped away stray hair and caressed his cheek. He dispassionately waved it away, muttering about something that he couldn’t even remember the moment it passed his lips. He had just opened a portal with his Sling Ring, plastered a smile on his face, and stepped into the church he swore he would behave in. He had to. 

He would hurt the bride if he didn’t, and he would completely shatter the maid of honor.

He sat next to Nic West, swapped stories very speedily, and had to hear about how he “didn’t get the girl.” He just breathed in and decided it was best not to answer.

When she started down, he very nearly died. She was so beautiful in white. There she was, wearing a veil, holding flowers, smiling up at the crowds. There was Y/N, too, right there in front of her, glittering in similar radiance and angelic beauty. He hadn’t meant to look at you. He knew it would be trouble.

He couldn’t tear his gaze from you, now. 

You mouthed, “Hi, Stephen,” and waved as you passed. It took him a moment to process it, to recover. He waved back quickly. You beamed and then looked forward, taking your place beside Christine at the altar. He wet his lips. 

“Wow. You and Y/N?” Dr. West asked. “I would have never guessed.”

“Stranger things have happened,” he muttered, unwilling to tell the truth. He felt terrible for it; it was just one of those things he couldn’t let go of. He couldn’t admit he had been dreaming about her for weeks. They sat down, letting the wedding commence. 

It was a beautiful ceremony. It was hard to remember how much his own heart ached while watching the vows be exchanged, looking at the obvious love in each other’s eyes. Stephen couldn’t entirely let go of what had once been, but it was nice to know that Christine would be taken care of at the very least. 

His heart was pained, his smile was hard to keep, but he felt closure. She was happy enough to invite him to her wedding. She was happy. That was all that mattered. He could move on and know this was how it ended.

Once the bride and groom made their exit, everyone else started toward the reception. Stephen found himself staring, watching Christine and her husband kiss one more time—he also caught your face, again, too. The best man, whoever he was, introduced himself to you. You shook his hand, told him some response, and shrugged off whatever else he asked you. 

Nic West stopped Stephen. “Hey. I think that guy is chatting up your girlfriend. You better go get her, huh?” He gave him a sly smirk.

“Yeah,” he said. His brevity came back from when Y/N had originally waved at him. “I’ll, uh, be back.” He adjusted his tie and stepped away from West. Away from West… Toward you. 

“…really sorry, I just can’t get involved with my best friend’s husband’s best friend. That’s too cliche for me.” You shook your head, laughing off whatever the best man had just said. “You’re really nice, Tom, but I’m not into you that way.”

“Had to shoot my shot, didn’t I?” 

“I’m glad you did!”

“Am I interrupting something?” Stephen asked, walking up. You jumped and turned.  

“Oh, no, not at all!” Y/N replied. You smiled at him. He smiled back. It was new, but it was still somewhat pleasant. “I was just taking care of something.”

“It was a surprise to see you getting asked out,” Strange told you. “How are you doing?”

“I’m doing the best that I can.” You gestured for him to walk with you. He did as told. “Recently I tried to get over somebody; it didn’t really work. You know how it is.”

He stopped for a moment. He did know that. He also knew what it felt like to start falling for a woman in his dreams. “Yeah, I do. But it doesn’t matter anymore, does it?”

“No, it doesn’t.” You moved a strand of hair out of your face. “Even though it was the same man since I was working under you.” You laughed. “I’m not just some kid anymore. That’s crazy, isn’t it?”

“Very,” he replied, his throat going a little dry. “Do you want to go to the reception together? Maybe dance?”

“Sure!” You beamed. “I would love to. Hey, Doc, are you okay? You look a little sweaty.”

“Of course, I’m okay.” He was not. “It’s just been so long since I saw you last.” A whole week. So long. He offered his arm to you and you took it. “I knew you were going to be here, but I didn’t know you were going to be beautiful. In fact, I didn’t know you could outshine the bride.”

“I’m not buying anything you say, you know.” You gave him a look. “Enough of your flattery.”

“I don’t flatter, I tell it how it is.” They swayed a little as they walked. “Besides, seeing you like this? Think about how I feel!”

“Oh, I think about you all the time.” You stopped, flushing. “Sorry! That sounded a little weird, didn’t it?” You cringed.

“Not at all.” He laughed. “You’ve always been so caring. I didn’t deserve it at all.”

“I was also in love with you for a long time,” you reminded him. A wave of heat fell down his spine. “I shouldn’t have cared that much back when you and Christine were in cahoots.” 

“I should have cared about you more.” He let his smile fall and tried to be serious. Y/N caught it, and mimicked his expression. “As it turned out, you were a staple for me. I still dream about you, sometimes. Too often…”

“That’s sweet.” You sheepishly looked away. “It’s a shame things didn’t work out between you and Christine. I actually thought for a minute that you’d come back in and sweep her off her feet; object at the last minute, you know.”

A topic change. It was just what he needed. 

“Why would I do that?” he asked. “I haven’t been in Christine’s life for nine years. Charlie was. I’m not that big of a douchebag.” 

“What?” You gaped. “No one said that! Stephen! I was just commenting on your lack of drama. You’re a sorcerer and you fly and you fought Thanos, but you can’t swoop in and save your lady love!”

“She’s not my ‘lady love!’” he scoffed. He shook his head. “I haven’t dreamt about her for months. If I was hurting over her wedding, I wouldn’t have come.”

“But you’ve dreamt about me?” You smirked.

He’d been trapped. 

“…Yeah. Yeah, maybe.” He kept his expression neutral. “Once… or twice.” He shrugged. “I see you on a regular basis; it’s only natural.”

“Oh, yes.” You leaned your head on his shoulder. “How often do you think about love? Don’t weddings make you wonder when you’re going to find the One?”

“They make me wonder about all sorts of things.” He set his hand on top of one of hers. “Like whether or not marriage is even in the cards for a sorcerer who happens to have a history in neurosurgery.” 

“Any girl would marry you.”

Stephen scoffed in good humor. You picked your head up and flashed your most mischievous smile. “Oh, easy for you to say. You’re biased.”

“Am I? Why is that? Remind me, Stephen.” 

He rolled his eyes. His brain was working faster than he could process. “You all but said you hadn’t gotten over someone from our hospital days, and that you had been in love with me—” 

He paused. It began to sink in the same second the words passed his lips. You were in love with him. You were still in love with him. 

“There it is,” you sang softly. You didn’t seem thrilled. “Now you know.”

“Oh, my God.”

You pulled your arm away from his. Stephen felt millions of pieces click into place. He had no idea what he felt, but there was no dread or need for rejection. It was light, bubbly, fizzy. Painfully pleasant. He turned to you in an instant. “I’m sorry. You weren’t ready for that, were you? Not at Christine’s wedding…”

“Oh, my God, you’re in love with me.” He gently took a hold of your shoulders. “I—I can—I never—You—”

You put a hand to his lips. You looked around, watching the hall empty around the two of you. “Just forget about it. Alright? Forget it. I’m the maid of honor of the bride you’re still in love with.”

He shook his head fervently. “I’m not in love with the bride!”

“Well, you aren’t in love with me.” You gave him a knowing look. “I’d know. You kind of like to take control of these types of situations.”

“Y/N, please.” He did a small turn, not sure what to do with himself. What was he supposed to say? “How many times have you said this? How long have I been such an idiot?”

“Since we reconnected.” You shrugged. You seemed so nonchalant but his whole world was crashing down in splendid pieces. You began to smirk. “So maybe a year now. I’m glad you’re smiling like that. I almost believe you about not being in love with her.” 

Stephen, with extreme caution, pressed his forehead to the top of your head and left it there for a moment. “We’ll talk about this later, but I…”

You hugged him back. “I hope you’re happy to hear that, Stephen. We can talk all about it later.” You rubbed his back before pulling away. “You are happy, aren’t you?”

“I am.” He had no idea what his face looked like. His dreams seemed closer to reality than ever, and he was elated. “Trust me, I am so happy.”

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[sunbentshadows]

you post about covid a lot lol

Hey anon.

Wasn't sure how to answer this. Yes, I do!

In March 2020 I got sick. We didn't know with what, and we'll never know. All I know is I had no fever but my lungs were fucked. Tests for Covid didn't exist then - I went to the ER about a week before lockdown, they sent me on my way. Back and forth with video visits, trying to get follow-up care. As long as I had no fever and my blood oxygen was normal, doctors could, would, do literally nothing. Only option was the ER again - which was also, of course, full of Covid patients, and at that point they wouldn't accept you if you weren't, frankly, actively dying.

It took me a year to breathe normally. A full year, using an inhaler every four hours. There were days I thought I'd never get better, and at least a few when I thought I wouldn't make it because my lungs were so sick. We didn't have vaccines at that point. We didn't have masks, actual masks available - N95 masks, respirators, for much of that first year.

I got off lightly. I'm still not sure if I prefer it were Covid or not - that I haven't had it and whatever else I had was that bad, or I have had it, and it was that bad. (Lungs are fragile like that - they don't recover well, they leave you susceptible to worse things and worse recoveries even years down the line.)

I never want to be that sick again. My health has been kind of fucked since. Maybe it's related, maybe it isn't. I'm waiting for a surgery right now actually - amidst the second-worst wave of Covid we've ever had. But I need the surgery, and I can't wait it out til cases drop. Imagine trying to heal from surgery with a disease that ravages your immune system. Imagine getting the disease that makes you cough with several abdominal incisions. Imagine it's because even doctors decided they didn't give a shit.

I should not have to make that choice. I'm fucking furious the world is like this. I want to scream at everyone who has decided this is over, at everyone who has decided our lives aren't even worth the inconvenience of wearing a fucking mask. I am astounded at the profound ignorance and selfishness of people I once considered intelligent and kind. I am aghast at the collective amnesia. This disease killed more people in four years than every war in the US's existence. It is still the third leading cause of death. And yet people find it odd to care about.

Yes, at some point, I hope and believe it will become less virulent. But it isn't yet. We're only just beginning to understand the ramifications of the disease on our biology, but everything we uncover is bad. Extremely bad.

There are a million essays here. They've been written. The failure of policy. The failure of healthcare. The failure of community. The failure of scientific communication. The failure of every single individual choice that every single person is actively making, right now -- it sounds like, including you -- all of which mean people get permanently sick. People fucking die. The collective decision to absolve yourself of your responsibility, to decide there is an acceptable percentage of the population to sacrifice for your convenience. The "individual choice" to not mask or vaccinate weighed against someone's fucking life.

So yeah. Yes. I guess I do post about Covid a lot, relative to some other folks. Because jesus fucking christ.

[monimolimnion]

hi im mildventing about my cat :)

LMAO. lmao because she is totally fine.

tldr, a few weeks ago a semiferal adopted herself at me (i live on a farm). we think she's related to my brother's cats (same age and they live nearby, and those cats also just showed up like 'adopt me hi'. the color genetics also check out because of course i did that math).

her name is lark and she is just the sweetest cat i've ever known, constantly acts like she is late for her 9-5 at the biscuit factory. has a very sweet little half face. stole my heart immediately, obviously. pet tax:

she has been in my bathroom for like four days, because i got her spayed (and she was already early pregnant ://///////// she is four months old. awful horrible). and even getting this to happen was lowkey a nightmare bc she is outdoors and only comes by whenever she feels like it, and we had nowhere to trap her overnight. now we're four days into her recovery and i am. Over It.

she's FINE is the thing. like she does not like the cone but she is not screaming or scrabbling to take it off. she doesnt even mind being inside that much. but mum and dad are both like 'will she be done soon :(' and my brain is just. [Bees].

she is meant to have the cone on for Seven To Fourteen Days and that was never going to happen regardless but like. im trying to leave her for as long as is sensible but even making that decision feels horrendous, because every option sucks, either im torturing this poor animal needlessly in a dark room all day by herself or as soon as i let her outside she'll chew her stitches open and then that will be Worse and i will be the moron who let it happen

(they literally let preganant TNR spays go after 72 hours. like she'd be fine. but anyway)

my routine is in shambles and my body hurts because im in there sitting on the floor with her as much as i can be and she doesnt even really want to hang out with me while im there she just wants to Groom Obsessively, during which i have to keep startling her if she grooms too close to the scar which makes her so Sad and then Me So Sad and. bro im tired.

(also i have my OWN surgery at the end of this month. which i should be resting for)

i am doing my Best. and while i originally thought what's best for her HAS to be me being in there with her, so she can have as much cone free time as possible, she is a cat and not a person and sleeps like a billion hours a day and when i am stressed so is she. she is fed, watered, and happy to see me by some miracle (if not really a lap cat atm which is understandable given the circumstances). i am not committing galactic war crimes by giving my cat a sensible amount of time to heal (but also releasing her before 7 days is up because she is an outdoor cat and there are limits to her - and importantly my - ability to cope w this).

[SCREAMS] anyway not long to go.

[millionancientbees]

a very long list of things to be thankful for

being overly sincere is my curse but god sometimes i am just so thankful for the big and small ways people show up for me.

my friend cassidy lets me borrow their car--sometimes for weeks at a time--while they're out of town, even though I literally just hit the one year anniversary of having my license this week. it blows me away literally every time and is so incredibly kind because it means i don't have to carefully plan around my roommates to do the things i want and need to do, which always makes me feel very frustrated and trapped because i'm 29 and have never been able to just....get in the car and go without having to check with other people first. but i get to do that with their car, and it refills my tolerance and makes me feel hopeful and free. they also bought me pirate bugs to help me deal with my thrip infestation and they offered to help me replace any plants i had to get rid of, even though they were the one who gifted all of them to me in the first place and taught me how to take care of them and to trust myself to keep something alive.

my friend chris spent like six months driving 40 minutes to my house, giving me several hours of driving training, and then driving home. sometimes several times a week. they're a paramedic and have a very busy life and they still made that time for me because they knew i needed to be able to get around. and then they drove me an hour to my hometown to make me to my test because i was too nervous to test near where we live on account of having way more experience driving where i'm from. also they just?? do things?? like they went to two different places the other day to buy me a vape. and they made me a pizza and when they didn't have toppings i wanted they just...put on their shoes and went to kroger??? and got them?? i have to prepare to go to kroger for like four days and forget half of the things i wanted. i was blown away.

my friend lavender gets me a huge bag of salted cashews every time they go to whole foods because they know i'll forget to eat enough salt and protein and get dizzy if i don't have enough easy foods. they asked chris to tighten the toilet seat when i was going to be staying there for thirteen days, knowing that i don't trust most surfaces i'm sitting on and am always afraid of shifting wrong and breaking something. they took me on the first vacation i'd been on in years and specifically planned around my size and disabilities. they always want to spend time with me and are perfectly happy to just sit and listen while i talk about random shit and they think i'm a good friend and tell me all the time despite the fact that i am very hard to get ahold of and almost never respond to things.

my sister, knowing i was going to get a haircut i couldn't really afford, messaged our hairdresser and told them she was going to pay for it and didn't even tell me. she talks to me on the phone for hours at a time several times a week and texts me memes about things i like even if she doesn't know a thing about the fandom because she knows it'll make me smile. i can call her and launch into a 45 minute full detail run down of a book i'm reading and she'll just listen and crack jokes. she understands all of my references and she knows i have to get a new toothbrush every christmas or i'll cry so she always gets me one. she drives me around my own town and points out all the cool places i'd never notice on my own and then bullies me into going to them. she takes me to the art store and will spend an hour just looking at everything with me, even though we don't need art supplies and have seen everything fifty times before.

when my childhood best friend's mom found out i was having surgery she told me to call her and let her know if i wanted anything, even taco bell delivery, and she'd get it for me. sometimes i call her and she calls me her daughter (i cry every time) and she asks about my relationships and clapped when i told her i was going back to school.

my roommate asks me if i want to go with him every time he goes to the craft store because he knows i like to touch all the fabric and ogle all of the goods.

i posted a catty, passive-aggressive status the other day and when my friend found out what it was about she asked if in the future i should call her and get it out of my system or practice what i want to say to the person instead. and i was unrepentant and said sometimes i want to be mean and i meant what i said but that i was thankful that she cares about me growing as a person and living my own values and that even if i wasn't sorry this time she was right to say what she did and she said "of course, i know you'll always listen to me. I know you." she calls me while she's working on the farm and laughs with me. she once gave me a bag full of strawberry starters that were on their last legs and said "I want to see you happy" and even though the plants didn't survive I will never forget that gesture.

lake brings me food when they eat because they know i won't eat if someone doesn't remind me. they take care of my cats when i can't make it down the stairs and they watch the silly shows i want to watch just because i rarely express interest in things like that. they read my favourite book series just to be able to understand why i cared about it so much. they make me use an ice pack when i would never do so on my own and they spent two years driving me everywhere i needed to go before i got my license.

when their gramma was still alive and needed another caretaker, their mom said "I can't think of anyone I'd rather have taking care of her than Cheyenne" and she used to sit out on the porch and smoke cigarettes with me. she invited me over for the first mother's day without my mom and fed me dinner.

anderson notices when i stop responding in the group chat for more than a few days and always messages me to ask if i'm okay. they let me lead them through barnes and noble and point at all of the books i'd read and say what i liked or hated about them and watched dungeon meshi with me and cuddled me just because.

i have new friends who remind me to do my pt and care about me and send me memes and art they think i'll like. they stay up late talking about books and games with me and have helped me get two incredibly important things to manage my disabilities that i would not have been able to afford on my own.

everyone is so nice to me and i do not know what i do to deserve it. but i am very thankful and i am very known.