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starlessskies94 · 4 years

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Herbal Tea (JoelxUnnamed SO)

Joel Miller was getting married.

Now there's something he never thought he'd ever hear again. Much less be the one to suggest the whole damn thing in the first place.

But she was different. After having learned that the two shared many similarities; Joel had unexpectedly found himself so drawn to the woman, he'd eventually ended up spending most of his free time with her.

They were of similar age. Both had a deep love for music and reading. She had taken on the job of smuggling to survive in the early years after the Outbreak, much like Joel had. She was confident and level headed when it came to dealing with infected. Wasn't the biggest fan of coffee but nobody's perfect. And last but not least; to make Joel's mind all made up...she was one of Ellie's favourite people in the whole world.

However this was currently Joel's biggest problem.

He was marrying the woman he loved more than anything...and yet not one single person had told Ellie the news.

It shouldn't have been this hard. At one point talking to Ellie had been so easy for Joel, just open your mouth and speak. But now each opportunity was filled with feelings of guilt and dread. Always putting a foot wrong; saying the wrong thing or just not speaking at all.

It had only been a couple of months since the seventeen year old had found out the truth, but it felt like years. Ellie still hadn't spoken to Joel, except only when she had too and even then the words had been forced, stiff and soaked in venom. He couldn't blame her for being angry. If anything he deserved it for lying to her for as long as he had. Though there were times he did wonder if she more hurt over the fact that he had lied or because of what he'd done. Maybe it was both. Again he couldn't blame her.

He'd known from the beginning it would be hard when she finally learned the truth. His biggest fear was that she'd leave Jackson. When she'd threatened to do so back in Salt Lake City, he'd been forced to give in. Foolishly thinking that just maybe he'd have just a few more years of ignorant bliss. Pretending that everything would work itself out. That maybe they'd be okay.

But Ellie wasn't stupid and Joel knew that. His heart had broken a thousand times over as he witnessed her break down, as she recoiled at his attempt to console her. The hate and hurt in her eyes as she stated they were done and walked away.

Since then he'd stood in the kitchen window or by the back door, just watching and waiting. The gentle melodies drifting through the nights breeze as Ellie played quietly in her room in the yard. So many times he had wished for the confidence to walk over there and knock on her door. To explain? To beg for forgiveness? Joel wasn't even sure anymore. He just wanted Ellie to talk to him. But he also knew he couldn't rush or force this. Ellie would talk to him when she was ready, whenever that would be.

And so he had respected her decision and kept his distance. Continued as normal, as difficult as that had been at first, he'd somehow managed it.

He was sat outside watching the sunset slip passed the tree tops of his freshly trimmed yard. There wasn't much to do on his days off and with his fiance out on a late patrol; it seemed a shame not to take advantage of the opportunity to tidy things up a bit. And if Joel had to admit; he had been putting it off for a while, he thought to himself as he raised his mug to his lips.

"Whatcha' drinking?" A quiet voice asked. A very familiar, very missed voice. He turned in his chair to find Ellie awkwardly stood by the bottom of the steps glancing up at him. Her face not giving away any emotion. He hastily sat up in his seat as his words struggled to form in his mind. Throat closing up and chest tightening. So caught up in the fact that Ellie was finally talking to him, he chose to take a pause of breath before replying. A small fragile smile touching his lips as eyes looked down at the mug in his hands.

"Uh...Herbal tea." Joel said. Quietly chuckling to himself, not quite believing his own words. Though it seemed Ellie didn't either given her confusion at his answer. "But you hate tea." The girl state and he couldn't help his smile again at her comment. "Yeah well, better than nothing. And I couldn't exactly say no when Tommy offered, it's Maria's recipe. Apparently she uses all kinds of herbs, other plants and flowers to make the stuff. Supposed to help with keeping you awake or help you sleep...I don't know, I can't remember."

He was rambling. He knew he was. But this was the longest conversation he'd had with Ellie in over six months. He didn't think he could stop himself from talking even if he wanted to. Eventually he words ran out and all went quiet. Once again giving life to that horrid distance that so rudely placed itself between the two. Even now Joel could see it growing. That invisible bastard that was pulling Ellie further away. He wanted so much to hate it for what it had done to them. But how can you hate something born your own creation? As much as he wanted to tear it away, to pretend it wasn't even there at all. He was the one who had put it there.

He was the reason that warmth in Ellie's eyes was cold every time she looked at him now.

They were still facing one another, neither saying a word but the silence deafening. Ellie signed heavily as she turned to leave, Joel left to accept the conversation was now over. Just pretty damn grateful that she'd stopped to take time to talk to him at all, until she stopped in her tracks and slowly turned back. He said nothing as he watched her cautiously climb the steps towards him, only to stop mid step. One foot left on the lower step behind her while she leaned on the other in front. She glanced up at him and Joel could see the hurt from where he sat.

"I heard you're getting married." The words were quiet, almost a whisper but Joel heard them. Could hear the sadness weighting her voice down, the disappointment and confusion. He stood placing the mug down on the seat as he stepped towards her, his hand reaching out to rest on the railing by the steps. "Yeah...I am." He replied gruffly. "Did...Uh...Did Tommy tell you?" The dread was back as was the guilt. His heart was racing, stomach churning the longer she stared at him. She shook her head and looked down, nervous hands pulling at the sleeves of her jacket.

"No. Dina heard some guys talking about it in the barn this morning." Damn gossips. Joel specifically told Tommy he didn't want the whole town knowing. Wasn't there business anyway. But for Ellie to find out like that...well shit. That wasn't fair. And he wanted to tell her that but the look she gave him stopped him completely. She looked hurt. Betrayed. The tears welling in her eyes pulling at his heart till it ached.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked with a broken voice. Just on the edge of breaking into a sob. And Joel was right there with her. All over again wanting to beg for forgiveness. Except this time he caved, in a few strides he was stood beside her. Arms awkwardly hanging by his sides as he fought the urge to pull her into a hug. He didn't think he could take it if she pushed him away a second time. Instead they balled into fists; the frustration getting the better of him as he signed deeply. Eyes now shamefully cast down to his feet. "I wanted too. But I...I guess I wasn't sure how." It was a pathetic excuse and Joel knew that even as the words came out of his mouth. "It's not exactly been all that easy to talk to you these last couple of weeks."

Ellie's eyes narrowed as she scoffed bitterly, her mouth curling into a harsh scowl. "Whatever Joel. Enjoy your fucking wedding!" The girl spat as she turned and stomped back down the steps. Joel cursing himself for once again making things that much worse. But still against his better judgement, he followed her.

"I'd like for you to be there kiddo...if...if you want to." He knew it was a long shot but it made her stop. Frozen in her path back towards her room, her trembling hand just resting on the doorknob. She was angry that much was clear but maybe if Joel was gentle enough, he could get through. Maybe she'd actually hear him out. "It's just I know how well you two get along...She really loves you Ellie. I think it would mean a lot to her if you came."

She didn't move. Not even an inch. And she was quiet so for so long that Joel actually thought at any moment she'd explode into the rage was evidently brewing within her. Instead she just let breathed slowly, silent tears streaking down her face as she glanced back his way.

"I'll go. But this changes nothing Joel. You understand me? Nothing." She didn't give him time to reply as she stepped inside and slammed the door shut behind her. Joel's shoulders dropped as his whole body sagged in sadness. Like a kick to the stomach he felt winded, hopeless and numb. Feeling the heavy weight of his own mind as he nodded in a reply given much too late. He turned and headed back towards the house, forcing himself back up the steps and grabbing his mug as he went through the door into the kitchen. Shuffling towards the sink as he dumped the rest of the green liquid down the sink.

He always hated tea anyway.

#the last of us part 2 #the last of us #The last of us part 2 spoilers #joel miller #ellie williams #joel and ellie #Joel Miller/Reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x oc #fanfiction #Starlesskies writes

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starlessskies94 · 4 years

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Consequence (Joel Miller x OC)

Summary: What if Joel survived his injuries from the Abby and Fireflies attack but ends up with really bad amnesia. He can’t remember his wife, Ellie, or the Outbreak; only before. How will his family bring back the man they once knew?

Pairing: Joel Miller x OC

Note: Okay this is a sad one and I'm sorry Joel :(

Chapter Three

Joel felt out of place the second he walked through the damn door. It had been how ever many weeks since his accident and the next thing Joel knew, he was being taken to a house that was apparently his.

“Here we go. Home sweet home.” Tommy mumbled as he unlocked the door and stepped inside waiting for his brother to follow. He did, albeit slowly, on the crutches he’d been given from his time at the Infirmary while his leg healed. Joel stood in the doorway looking around the place. It was big, spacious and very well lit. There was a strange warmth to the house he felt itching in his mind, perhaps a sense of familiarity but it was faint and fleeting when he glanced back to his younger brother.

“So this place is mine huh? Have I lived here long?”

“Uhh yeah, just over four years…”

The older man just nodded. His voice dropping back into its usual gruff manner.

“Alright then. Do I live alone? Or with someone?”

Tommy flinched at the question but thankfully Joel either didn’t notice or simply chose not to pull him up on it. If the younger Miller was being honest, he had no idea how to answer. When Joel had woken up, he’d just assumed Ada was part of the Infirmary staff and when Ada had taken the decision to distance herself from Joel while he healed one step at a time, there had really been no reason to correct him. Instead only informing him she was a volunteer sometimes but worked in the stables as her main job. He had taken that as fact and moved on. He cleared his throat and led his big brother further into the home while forcing the most genuine smile he could muster without causing alarm.

“You know, why don’t I leave you a while to get reacquainted with the place.” He offered, trying to change the subject. “Look around...maybe you’ll remember something.” Joel simply hummed lowly in reply. His hazel eyes once again darting around the rooms as he grew more uneasy.

“You... uh... need any help getting around the place?” Tommy asked quietly. His hand rubbing awkwardly at his neck while fidgeting in place where he stood. “Those stairs are pretty-”

“I’m fine Tommy, I don’t need babysitting alright.” Joel cut off hastily. He was getting frustrated with all the coddling and while he was grateful to Tommy for looking after him during his time stuck in the Infirmary; he just wanted to get on with things now. Thankfully Tommy seemed to understand this, knowing his brother as well as he did. A small grin twitching at his lips to see his big brother was still the same stubborn bastard he’d been before. Good to know some things never change he supposed.

“Okay I’ll leave you to it then; I’ll swing round later to check in on you alright?”

Once again Joel just grumbled in reply but it was enough for Tommy and he turned to leave the older man to it. Leaving his keys on the side table in the hallway before stepping out and closing the door behind him.

Joel left all alone with his muddled thoughts. It was strange being in a house he didn’t recognise, yet there were traces of him all over the place. His boots sat by the door, his favourite books on the bookshelf behind the couch. Favourite movies piled up next to the TV, his preferred whiskey in the dining room along with that same damn bourbon he and Tommy always drank together at New Years.

There was freshly washed laundry folded and stacked in a basket by the backdoor with fishing gear, all packed and ready to go. It was odd walking around as he did. He felt like he was intruding.

The only sounds in the quiet home being the scuffs of his heavy boots and crutches scraping across the wooden floor the further he ventured in. It was a struggle getting up the stairs with his bad leg protesting as much as it did but Joel’s curiosity was getting the better of him as he climbed to explore the upper floor.

He paused on the landing to catch his breath after the small effort of reaching the top of the stairs drained his already dwindling energy. He took a moment to pace him as he grit his teeth and breathed lowly through the throbbing in his busted leg. Turning by the side table and looking down at the picture of him and his brother. Tommy was smiling leaning over a fence while Joel stood beside him, a small grin of his own, holding a cup of coffee in his hands. It was strange looking at a picture he couldn’t even remember being taken. Where were they? What were they doing? Who even took the picture?!

Joel rubbed at his tired eyes in a feeble attempt to fight away an oncoming headache. He figured now was a good time to try to find his bedroom as it was clear he’d already overexerted himself for the day; despite the fact that he’d done so little. But the man was still recovering and Joel knew it would take some time yet before he completely regained his strength.

He pushed himself forward towards the door in front of him, but instead of being greeted by a bedroom was met with something of a workshop.

An array of tools, books and paints all across the room, freshly crafted guitars hung on the wall, along with some half finished, that lay on the counter tops. Wood chippings littering the floor by the window as he looked closer to see a number of animal carvings on a shelf, another of a cowboy riding a horse, simply copied free handed it looked like, from the illustrations in a book and papers propped up on the side.

Did he do all this? He wondered. This was getting surreal and Joel could’t stop the spinning of his head as he tried to process everything. His headache creeping back with a touch of nausea pulling at his stomach.

There was clearly a life lived here; but it wasn’t his. His life was back in Texas with Sarah. Except of course...it wasn’t, not anymore. And it pained Joel every time he had to remind himself of that. His fingers instinctively brushing against the broken watch on his wrist. Another sharp pang of grief hitting him; as he tried desperately to remember how it had broken in the first place...once again...nothing.

He couldn’t take it anymore, waking up in a world, a whole damn town he didn’t know. Neighbours and supposed friends he didn’t recognise. Learning that his baby girl was gone and that it had happened almost twenty five fucking years ago!

It wasn’t fair! Joel didn’t want this...he wanted to go home. Where everything made sense and to a life he knew.

He didn’t understand why it was suddenly gone or who had been responsible for taking it from him. His lip curled in a snarl as his whole body trembled with anger, fists clenching and pulling his crutches, throwing them aside as they ricocheted against the wall. He threw himself forward, arms reaching out to push away any tools, papers or crafts he could get his hands on.

The unfinished guitar splintering into pieces on the floor with the other pieces strewn about the room.

Joel heaved a deep sobbing breath as he took in the destruction he had caused, his chest rapidly rising and falling as the anger in his blood slowly dissipated. His leg buckled from under him as he let himself collapse with his back against the door, sat silently.

Every inch of him ached and hurt. He didn’t think he could do this, trying to remember the years of a life he couldn’t recall ever having. What if the memories never came back? What if he was cursed to live this way forever.

Always closed off to a part of himself that was now a stranger to him. Or maybe whatever had happened to him was just too painful... Joel had to consider the possibility that perhaps that part of him didn’t want to remember.

Maybe it didn’t matter. In that moment he didn’t even bother to wipe away the tears of frustration and sadness that welled in his eyes. There was no longer any shame in it. After all there was no one there to judge him for it anyway. Now that Sarah was gone, Joel was alone. Sure he had Tommy but he had his own family now, it had been a shock to learn that his brother was married but Maria seemed nice nonetheless. And it wasn’t his job to look after Joel, no matter how much he insisted that it was. Joel rubbed roughly at his eyes the more he thought about it.

In that moment he decided he wouldn’t burden Tommy with his recovery any longer. Joel could take care of himself. Perhaps being alone was what he deserved anyway, if someone had attacked him, they’d obviously had a damned good reason for it. Maybe this was the punishment they’d wanted for him all along.

Alone. With no family left of his own.

“Yeah maybe that was it.”

#joel miller #joel miller x oc #the last of us #the last of us part ii #ellie williams #joel and ellie #fanfiction #Starlesskies writes

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