#jack's dumb fuckery

[kingofteamskull]

"being sex positive and loudly openly talking about sex to combat the fact its always been shamed especially for queer people is amazing and makes a lot of people feel better" can and should coexist with "you have Got to be normal about people who are asexual and/or choose not to have sex because its not for them and not make fun of them because having sex does not define anyone as a person"

[cookingwithroxy]

Every so often I see someone reblog a take so fucking idiotic that I want to punch the OP in the throat.

But IF I DO, it'll result in the person who reblogged it turning on me for pointing out how massively fucking stupid that take (and the other dumb as fuckery takes they also reblog) is, and I really want to keep that person at least marginally in my life.

But by satan himself I'm really fucking tired of people spouting off shit that makes it blatantly obvious they know jack fucking squat about the topics that upset them.

[sio-lokistiel]

Hi!! So I'm a fairly strong chuck won believer (i have been given some Extremely convincing evidence and I think its interesting to think about so) but I saw a post you made about how that theory disregards cas and jacks arcs and I was just wondering if you could expand on that? I'm super open to interpretations lol and I'm really curious to hear the other side (i haven't seen too much anti chuck won stuff so I dont know the arguments)

Okay, oh boy. I guess part of it is what exactly you mean by “Chuck Won” because I understand it on a censorship level. Yes, Chuck was representing the network. Yes, the network meddled and cut Dean’s reciprocation and we ended up with that garbage finale with pages of [OMITTED] in the script. So, if that’s all you mean by “Chuck Won” then yeah, whatever I guess.

Idk, some people probably feel it’s a legitimate theory simply because Dean died. It seems a lot of the fandom thinks death = bad…and that’s just not the case now that Jack freed the souls. I mean, I can throw quotes from The Mummy and Lord of the Rings at you about how death is the next step in journey. So while I’m no longer upset about Dean dying in general, especially because it was foreshadowed, the way he died was so fucking dumb. That doesn’t mean I think it has anything to do with Chuck.

Cas’ arc was all about self-actualization. His speech in Gimme Shelter explains a good part of it with how he found purpose having a family and becoming a dad, BUT him also realizing that having himself is important, too. Then, oh goodness, we reach the culmination in Despair (The Truth) when he realizes happiness is in the saying, in accepting your truth, both the good and bad bits of yourself. The Empty comes and he reintegrates with his Shadow to become whole and saves Dean, the world, and himself in the process. Yes, that’s a whole bunch of Jungian psychology stuff and it’s a lot to process and I’m probably not doing the best job of explaining it. Most of the Chuck Won theory stuff I’ve seen ignores all that and seems to ignore the canon that Cas IS in heaven. I understand the disappointment of Cas and Dean not reuniting, YET. Corporate fuckery (and Covid) kept it from happening in the finale with the original Roadhouse ending that was planned and then scheduling conflicts and Jensen and Misha agreeing Cas needed more than a cameo kept him from being in The Winchesters.

And Jack. Jack was literally the whole goddamn point. The two big things are he’s possessed and sometimes dead because of this, or he is corrupted somehow. I have never seen a convincing damn argument for either of these things. There’s one post that tries to compare some his mannerisms to Chuck, but is filled with so much straw grasping and reaching I’m surprised the author didn’t need a doctor afterward. Another is that some people project on the poor boy so much and just they don’t like his arc, they want to think something is wrong. There is a lot more Pagan stuff about Jack and the number of mythologies where some god is brought down by being a power hungry dickhead and that comes back to bite them in the ass as a grandchild in Jack’s case removes them from power. There are better people to explain all the Pagan imagery surrounding Jack; my tag #jack is the orphic egg should get you to some really good stuff. I’m also not down to argue about how the last 3-5 seasons are meant to read with a Pagan lens. There was one group who predicted the end of the mothership months in advance and then all of The Winchesters and it wasn’t the people clinging to some white Christian reading.

Last thing, I just personally find the theory really lazy as well. I would legitimately be so disappointed in Jensen and whoever ends up writing the next chapter whether that’s Robbie or someone else if they went that route. Luckily, they are all smarter than that and I can see them seeming to lean into it, but then having the most fabulous rug pull! This is very long, oops.

[izzy-b-hands]

A lil stream of consciousness thing from Izzy’s perspective. Implied past blackhands. Set around whatever time (since we don’t know that as of S1 lol) that Ed and Izzy more formally settled into being captain and first mate, vs friends and lovers who also happened to be pirates together.

---

There’s a lot he doesn’t tell Ed.

But, for where they are now, maybe that’s how it is. A friend wakes the other at night after a nightmare in search of comfort, but a first mate doesn’t to their captain.

Nor do they mention how seeing their captain smile makes their chest ache in a way that means the only thing to do is to look away.

How the sigh he lets out when he rests against Izzy in the evening, hair being gently brushed out, makes Izzy want to...

Well. It makes him want to curl up in on himself, around the feeling. And that feels...

Not bad. But it’s not what a first mate feels, no matter what they called each other before.

Ed said nothing would change, and in some ways, that’s true. They sail and raid and enjoy their bounty as they find it. Ed still leaves him speechless, in good and sometimes less than ideal ways.

But he doesn’t talk to him anymore, outside of orders. No more late night discussions when they both can’t sleep, quick check ins whenever they break for lunch, no stupid silly jokes shouted down the deck to each other to earn the ire of the crew as much as the laughter of each other.

He didn’t think that bit would change.

But he’s a first mate now. A bosun, in essence. They aren’t hands on any other ship; the people that sail with them are their responsibility. To keep safe and fed and ideally mostly alive.

Maybe he’s the one that needs to change.

They’ve always done a bit of matching, from outfits to overall mood during raids and fuckeries. Why wouldn’t Ed expect him to change now, to match their new roles and jobs?

He hasn’t said anything, but should he have to? Probably not, as a captain.

Once again, Izzy can see he’s the one falling behind. There’s no Jack to point it out this time, to make cruel jokes that toed the line enough to make even Ed laugh at him.

He should have realised it sooner.

Change isn’t something that comes easily to him, a fact he hates admitting. But staring at his face in the stolen hand mirror hidden away in his quarters, it’s finding him anyway. Physically, at least.

He would die for Ed. He doesn’t even have to think about the answer to that question.

The least he can do is change to match the new expectations, new boundaries.

If he does, maybe Ed will call him for a late night talk or two again. Or call out a joke so stupid it almost feels dumb to laugh at it.

He’ll change for Ed. Even if it kills him.

[bumblebaubles]

ouabh/tbona character rankings worse to best

(it was a bad idea combining them but its too late now)

apollo: he should be lower esp considering i didnt like him before jacks curse either like he was egotistical, pompus, tiring and worst of all he wasnt even as hot as jacks like that is inexcusable

marisol: when i tell you marisols little bitch ass got on my nerves yes even before she was proven the lying little trollop she was. 

marsiol’s mom: she was the evil stepmother ofc shes at the bottom like how dare she try and marry off eva as if she ever gave a damn about her or who shed marry. esp after closing the shop like how did she end up with evas dad anyways

apollo’s brpther: idk his name and idc id put him above stone lady if he didnt flay his brother but if he did hes staying here hopefully the 3rd book will spill the tea. he and marisol deserve eachother.

the lady jacks hit in the head with a rock: yes shes better than marisol according to me thats how shit marisol was at least this lady was more bearable because jacks hit her in the head with a stone

luc: sure he was cursed when he did every bad thing he did but if yall remember what the bell said in the prologue of the first book (ikyk) he wouldve been a better friend than a lover he plays too many fucking games

jacks: i know you stupid bitches want me to put jacks at the top i mean hes been through a lot but this is a cumulative score for the mansplaining and manipulation and overall fuckery he did to evangeline in the first book. if he wasnt in love with her he would be much lower

lala: she is a stupid bitch for hexing apollo to kill evangeline like girl who in the fuck? why in the fuck? but other than that i guess shes cool. they had a lot of great moments in the book dont get me wrong but this irked me

poison: he was barely there and im not that far into the caraval series but he hasnt done anything wrong so he’s here deal w it

haveloc: yes the body guard is above lala because he was barely there and did nothing wrong 

evangeline: the thing about evangeline is that she is a dumb ass bitch and i hated all if not most of her decisions but me, also being a dumb bitch found solace in her idiocy and i found myself rooting for her instead. a win for her would be a win for me and all dumb bitches who are dumb. props to her i wouldve kissed jacks and kicked the bucket much sooner

the dragon in the cottage: the dragon was cute and did nothing wrong this is my ranking fuck you

[neverhangd]

FUCK YOUR MOTHER!, but that hurt! Anne hisses in pain as the dumb fuck astride her actually borrows a page out of her own book and bites her. She forms a fist, punching sideways at their temple to stun them. “Let up, ye wretched BITCH!”

Jesus Haytch, wasn’t a year ashore in Cuba penitence enough paid for the sin of picking Jack fucking Rackham? Has she got to pay for him with her life, too? Almost a year out of sorts and a bit out of shape, Anne isn’t interested in trying her luck too long with this game of strength. She isn’t a strong weapon, she’s a fast one. Fast and fierce.

If this takes too long, even the ones in the audience who know her will doubt who she is. Then, even if she wins this idiot “fight to the death” tripe, she’ll be called a fraud and no one will believe a word she says.

With a scream she rolls the pair of them over, using her caught arm as a lever to knock the other one’s head against the floor. Not a strong weapon…so she’ll have to be a smart one. “Play unconscious or I’ll put ye there,” she threatens—promises—careful to bear her weight on the other one’s middle as evenly as possible.

She’d rather play this without having to kill some poor stupid cunt first thing, and that’s only going to be accomplished by borrowing from (God help her) Teach’s playbook and pulling a “fuckery” fully on-the-spot improvised, with the unwitting help of the stranger below her. No big deal. Right? She pretends to lever her weight down on her arm again, but keeps most of it in the knees planted on either side of them, screaming in admittedly terrible mock-rage despite the convincing way she moves her body.

She just has to hope the dumbarse will play along.

[hannibutts]

HANNIBAL SPOILERS S02E3

Let’s have a scene where Will electrocutes himself prison rules.

Will and Hannibal getting dressed at the same time was a nice touch

Oh shit we’re already at trial? There’s some law and order time fuckery going on here 😂

Bureau-Cynthia is a bit a butthole huh, yay Jack Crawford did right by Will in his trial which will probably mean he won’t be head anymore. Hannibal smirking the whole time

The ol ear in the mail. I can honestly say I never know what the hell Hannibal is planning like he’s always doing the most counter intuitive things that all somehow make sense at the end RARA IS IN THE STARTING CREDITS. ALERT ALERT we gon get chilton this episode

Hannibal practically telling Will he sent the ear because he cares about him. Men will go to great lengths to not tell each other how they really feel huh?

Boo Freddie Lounds

Oh my god boo her so much

Hannibal just setting everything on fire , make up your mind, man.

Babygirl pumping the foghorn leghorn to 100 in this one (as he caresses his cane - he is one of the biggest fidget fingers I’ve ever seen)

Ol Chilty is awfully smug for someone who’s lost a kidney and a chunk of his guts to one of his patients… like if he really believed Will was a cold blooded psycho path you’d think he’d be a bit more careful. But the dude can’t fucking help himself. Also I imagine talking will up as a big ol psycho gives him and his hospital glory I suppose.

Jesus Christ Hannibal, hide your shame man, he’s so fucking in love with Will it’s making him do dumb shit. “Don’t let his love go to waste” smdh

“Will Graham is and will always be my friends” in front of the whole courtroom. He might as well be throwing smooches at Will from the witness stand.

And he kills the judge after the judge doesn’t accept the new defence.. CMON HOW ARE THEY NOT LIKE “hmm maybe the guy who was making heart eyes at Will from the witness stand who Will originally accused might be in on this”

“He wants to know me” Will says when Alana asks what the killer wants from Will. He sure does Will, possibly biblically too. Also I can’t pick Alana’s motives either - she says she wants to save Will but like is this still - hoping he’ll get better so they can bone kinda thing? Or is it just a professional curiosity like she told the lawyer? Or both…?

Rara appearance was underwhelming because he was just there to be a snoot and walk out. Still looked pretty doing it though.

[knowlesian]

Hey! I really enjoy your meta and was wondering if you could share your thoughts on why Ed says "never left" in episode 8. Because that infuriated me! He did leave and wasn't planning on coming back before the English reveal. But I also am aware that I relate deeply to Stede in episode 8 (the way they had him wear the same outfit as when he was bullied as a child killed me) so I'm sure my view is skewed. But it read to me like let's just pretend that didn't happen which I understand could be a call back to the bathtub scene but it just rubs me wrong.

So can I have your thoughts about why Ed/the writers went with the iconic "never left" + wink reply?

i CAN, and buckle up because this one is something i have so many thoughts about but somehow have only briefly tackled.

so: ed is a really socially aware guy. he's good with reading people, he can do sarcasm just fine, but he doesn't know the rules of the social road in stede's world which means when stede does the 'my body language and whole vibe SCREAMS i don't like this, my words say yeah cool do it more, even! i'm fine with this' thing because he's used to that as a way to make life "easier" for everybody by just entirely avoiding open confrontation ever, ed is like ...okay, i am either supposed to call you a liar here or carry on? because in my world, when you want something to fuckin stop you say FUCKIN STOP and when you're being a real jerk on purpose, you want people to know it's because you hope they have a shitty day.

(i know ed the adult man not knowing the terms retirement and passive aggressive exist or what they mean has led to some real world logic application all, ed is dumb/doesn't know basic words and the like, but those are Theme Moments because this is a big gay play running on rule of cool. the text is saying: ed wants to stop but doesn't even know it's an option unless you die, and ed says what he means/expects everyone else to do the same.)

so in ed's world, what stede does as a mode of politeness/defense is just called lying. ed's not grounded in the world of books and social games; he's not looking for hidden purposeful meanings in the corners of everybody's words, which contributes to how he misses jack. (sidenote: i think stede is extra snippy because his spidey-sense for passive aggressive fuckery is going off endlessly and telling him something is not RIGHT here, and he needs to be on alert by the same token, but that's not super related. just wanted to say it!!! etc)

also, ed’s been introduced to the idea of passive aggression as a weapon; he hasn't been introduced to the niceties side. so when he leaves, it's with this funky vibe in the air where he feels like jack just came out to have a good time, stede's giving off the kind of mixed signals that are potentially scary, and it culminates in stede unfortunately framing his (very legit) annoyances as an issue with ed/his behavior vs issues with jack, and that only drives the wedge in deeper.

so when ed leaves, it's not because he wants to: it's this rolling avalanche of shitty things that all culminate in ed being like, if jack who represents my past and is just here to have a good time pisses stede off this much and makes him say he doesn't like me around jack, what happens when he decides i'm too much like jack to be borne a second longer and kicks me out, too?

theeeeen he finds out jack was there to fuck shit up on PURPOSE, and what stede had an issue with gets internally reframed. suddenly, stede is not judging ed by proxy, he's judging jack who is a lying dick and trying to cause trouble and drive them apart on purpose. this means even if stede's own issues were a large part of his reaction, stede actually read the room far better than ed. (just like he did at the party.)

the spin now emotionally is: stede tried to protect me. if i had listened and not trusted jack over stede's instincts, maybe none of this is happening. i have to go back and protect him.

which leads me into the actual line!!! stede's face is super key here, to set the stage. he's so, so fucking happy. like: incandescent. when he says 'you came back', he's so fucking relieved. they're about to get boarded by the fucking royal navy and stede looks happier than ever.

which tells ed: you never actually wanted me to leave. you are unconditionally glad to see me back, even though i fucked up and i should have listened to you. you're just glad i'm here, no matter what's going on.

and ed... ed so much wants anybody at all to see him for who he actually is, as he wants to be seen, and then be happy he's in the room.

so 'never left' is the moment he speaks stede's language for the first time, i think. the language of: what i am saying here is a cover for the deeper truth of what i mean. ed says never left, but he doesn't mean it like literally i was never gone or never intended to stay that way.

he means: i didn't want to go. and maybe, even better— emotionally, i was always still with you. my body left, the legend of blackbeard left, but ed was always right here. right where he wants to be.

and they're so thrilled to be together again, yes, but i think that's the crux of this scene and why their gazes stay tender and locked even as everything goes shit around them. why ed needs to reach out, and stede needs to lean back into that touch.

ed knows stede is just glad he's around; stede knows ed didn't ever want to leave him.

(and, after an episode of talking past each other, they are finally starting to work out the language to meet each other on even ground, where ed will give some and stede will give some and they will meet in the middle, neither of them having to exist entirely in the other's world or use the other's words to communicate.)

[laceratedlamiaceae]

Something I want to point out about Izzy being so incompetent is that every time he fucks up, it has something to do with Stede. I think it's pretty safe to assume that he was at least decent as a pirate before meeting Stede, seeing as he's alive and Blackbeard's first mate, and that it's only during the show that he starts to fail so spectacularly. This got long, so I'll go over his most embarrassing moments under the cut.

When he gets ambushed by Stede in episode 2, it's because he assumed Stede was incompetent for running his ship aground ("pirates, my ass"). He wasn't even completely wrong about that, but it did cause him to underestimate Stede and lose a hostage.

When he can't bully Lucius into doing grunt work, it's because Stede has cultivated an environment where his usual tactics (only yelling and blackmail, as far as we know, but I'd imagine he also perpetuated more of the 'culture of abuse' Stede mentioned in episode one) don't work. (I see a lot of takes about how he just gets stressed about wanting the crew to do work, and like... he only ever targets Lucius, whose only job is to write stuff down. He was bullying Lucius because felt the need to assert his dominance over someone he saw as weak.)

When he loses the duel, it's because Stede outsmarted him. Izzy couldn't imagine Stede's creativity and originality (something he repeatedly mocks) being anything other than pathetic and shameful, so he fell for Stede's fuckery (I can't find it now, but I read a post laying out how Stede probably had a plan the entire time and didn't just win on dumb luck).

When he fails to get Ed away from Stede (both when Calico Jack fails at leading Ed away from the British and when Ed takes the act of grace) it's because he can't understand what Ed feels for Stede. Ed loves Stede enough to give up everything for him, and Izzy just doesn't get it; he can't conceive of that kind of selfless love.

(I don't really count Izzy getting his toe cut off as a failure for him; he wanted Blackbeard back and that's what he got.)

So I don't think Izzy is fundamentally incapable of doing anything right (although that is fun to joke about); I think he's so attached to his rigid conception of piracy and masculinity that he can't conceive of anything outside of it having any value. Presumably, that all worked for him before Stede, and maybe it was even necessary--I'd imagine that acting like Stede under any other pirate captain would turn out pretty terribly, and I can totally understand having to become a heartless asshole just to survive.

I think/hope he'll learn to move past that in the future and see that, in a place not entrenched in piratical/masculine norms (the Revenge/wherever Stede is), he can allow himself to be soft, kind, thoughtful, and everything else he hates in others and, unless I'm just projecting, himself.

[polyamoryprincess]

Tw suicide mention, suicidal ideation mention

I love the love at first sight thing, for sure, I get it, I see it, it’s there, but gotta talk about the slow burn, because the progression is so good, especially considering Ed isn’t even in the first 1/3 of the season. There is a very distinctive progression in how they are around one another and the stuff they learn and unlearn about themselves as individuals.

Ed saw the experience as more of a novelty, a bright spot amongst what was clearly a dark suicidal ocean for him, one that he’d be better off establishing boundaries around before he tricks himself into thinking it’s more than a respite before Stede dies or gets sick of him, so he turns around when Izzy is going to kill Stede in the duel, he tries to broach the topic of returning to his own ship when things feel too nice, and he lets Calico Jack drag him back to his more selfish wilder days. Ed did everything with death constantly following him, biting at his heels, and everyone else's, so he didn’t care about others, did whatever was necessary to survive and stay above it all and not embarrass himselfl (like throwing Stede under the bus socially), and broke up the blackness with dumb shit and drinking.

Stede on the other hand was deeply selfish in a different way, despite being on the bottom of his social hierarchy, it was the bottom of just one social hierarchy sitting on top of many others, so him as a social pariah in his own social circles, is still significantly above basically all the people he surrounds himself with, and he doesn't seem to understand that, often too wrapped up in his own traumas and tribulations, and this ignorance of his own ignorance limits his efforts at empathy. He made all these various recreation rooms, but the crew has to sleep on the deck. He tries to connect and sympathize with the crew, but ends up trivializing their struggles with his ignorance and habit of making it about him. He plans a day with Ed to keep him from leaving, but doesn't ask what he'd be interested in doing before making plans.

He often makes choices that endanger the people he's supposed to be supporting and protecting because he's so wrapped up in his own sense of inadequacy that he can't comprehend the sort of damage he can and has caused, and thinks that hating the world he came from means he's inheriently different from the people that thrive in that world, but he's wrong. He's still a deeply sheltered rich white man who, in general, has rarely been exposed to genuine kindness (with the closest thing to that being service workers and people in lower social standing), so a lot of his attempts at kindness tend to be superficial or fueled by materialism, with the exception of his parental "services," hence reading the crew to sleep.  

He's desperate to prove himself as a captain and a man, but he only knows of the “spoiled little rich boy” version of this, where you use your inherited wealth to buy a fancy ridiculous ship, pack it full of nice things that probably puts a target on their back, and hires a crew that is knowingly risking their lives at the whim of a rich boy who doesn't know what he's doing because they have no other options.

But like I said, they make each other better, the first lesson Stede learns is to treat his crew like their lives are in his hands, because they are (and also not to get too cocky, which Ed did not mean to teach), he's forced to confront the reality of his thoughtless actions when Ed is triggered by the Kraken fuckery, he learns that his cowardous hurts others when Karl is killed because he didn't stand up to Calico Jack sooner, and he discovers he finds genuine satisfaction and fulfillment in unselfishly taking care of his loved ones, like making Ed's tea, comforting him in the bathroom, and standing up for him at the party.

However, by the last episode, they still have these flaws, they’re not perfectly “fixed”. When they're captured and Stede finds out he's documented as being dead, he's fixated on his own concerns, doesn't even think about what it means that Ed signed himself away to the British government, until he sees Ed's beard is gone, that he's not trying to get away, he's folding, and he finally stops thinking about himself. It shows he's still prone to main-character syndrome, he even runs away when faced with the weight of the consequences of his actions, because ultimately, he's still a coward. He still runs home, he leaves Ed, and he disrupts his family’s new life.

In the same vein, Ed learns he can have good things and that there's someone who will offer him those good things willingly and enthusiastically. He learns that loving and caring about others might be worth fighting for, might be worth the inevitable pain that comes with caring, so much so he gives away his freedom and everything he's built to keep Stede safe and close. He learns what it means to really relax and what it's like to like himself, even when he feels like he's been abandoned, he doesn't suddenly let go of the more emotionally vulnerable version of himself, if anything he leans into it, and is still trying to find comfort and community in the crew, because he doesn't want to be lost at sea again.

But his sense of self, his self-worth, and his trust in the community he has is tentative at best. And unlike Stede, he doesn't survive his Ex's attempt at murdering him, so he throws himself back into the dark ocean (along with Lucius) and tries to burn the heart out of his chest.

[kingofteamskull]

I love undertale yellow dgmw but the way some people act like its Official and Canon to Undertale is really annoying. I was watching a youtuber talk about soul colors and they were like "...but with the addition of undertale yellow we know the indigo soul was a murderer-" like first of all did toby fox confirm this and second of all stop talking about uty as if its the third installment of the universe

[mbondei]

brainache

I AM A FRAGILE ONE

GIDDY, DUMB, BROKE(N) & FUN

WHEN I AM AWAKE, FEELIN SO NUMB

SO MUCH AT STAKE, HEAD RACING

BRAIN ACHES, HEART PACING

EXISTENCE HAS ME FEELING DONE

HOW AMAZING!

I WANT TO SCREAM

SHOULD I STAND NAKED SO I AM SEEN ?

NAH FUK THAT I AM NOT KEEN.

THROUGH A DARK TUNNEL, TRUST IVE BEEN

BULLIES FROM THE PAST WERE MEAN.

NOW I STAY POSTED ON TUMBLR, DINGALING AFRICAN QUEEN

I WANT TO SELF HARM

RAZOR BLADE TO MY LEG NOT THE ARM

DONT WORRY, DONT BE ALARMED

IM CALM

I HATE MYSELF

FEELING SMALL LIKE AN ELF

BOXED UP

STUCK ON THE TOP SHELF

COCHED UP

COS WHY ELSE ?

I AM A JACK IN A BOX

DECIPHER ME, OR PICK ALL MY LOCKS

TRAUMA RUNS DEEP-

HAD AN IMPACT

KARMA IS PEAK -

GHOST IN MY SHELL SHOULD’VE BEEN CRACKED

IM SO STRONG

MORE TIME I PRETEND NOTHING IS WRONG

SINGING MELODIES OVER SONGS

COS GOING STUDIO FEELS SO LONG

DEAD RAPPERS, TAKE A HIT FROM THE BONG

INSTRUMENTALS & BEATS

4 A MENTAL LADY, WHO A FREAK IN THE SHEETS

GIRLS MARCH FOR THEIR RIGHTS IN DUBLIN

PUTTING UP A FIGHT, STAY BUBBLIN

GET ABUSED & MISUSED 4 WEARING A THONG

WORLD FULL OF FUCKERIES, EVIL FORCES BE GONE

SO MUCH WRONG

I AM NEEDY

I AM OBSESSIVE

NEVER BEEN GREEDY

BUT BEEN AGGRESSIVE

BARELY CHECK MY FAM- NEED 2 COUNT MY BLESSINGS

DONE WITH EXPECTATIONS & LESSONS

ANXIOUS AVOIDANT, IM STRESSING

VEXING MY FAM, WHATS THE NEXT THING

WAS RAPED 4 TIMES-

IT WAS ROUGH

NOW I WRITE RHYMES-

WHEN ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

SOMETIMES LIVING FEELS TOUGH

SCRATCHED BY WOLVES, IM IN A HUFF

I FEEL SO LONELY WHEN I AM ALONE

THIS LOVE DISORDER HAD ME FEELIN SO GROWN

I NEED AFFECTION

CARESSING

GUYS WANTED TO OWN ME

NEVER LET ME DO IT ON MY OWN

SEE

INDEPENDENT WOMAN, SKIPPING THROUGH LIFE LIKE A PEBBLE STONE

B

ON THE WATER

FAILED MY EXAMS, BLACK SHEEP OF A DAUGHTER

TAUGHT TO LOVE TOUCH

(whispers) BY A PEDO

NOW I NEED IT LIKE A DRUG

(touched down) FREE THROW🏈

AT 16 WAS HANGING ROUND THUGS

(memory) PLEASE GO

COOL FRONT BUT I LIVE IN FEAR

FEEL LIKE THE END IS NEAR

MY DEAR

WANT TO DROP IN2 THE OCEAN WHERE THE WATERS ARE CLEAR

WONT FEEL PAIN FROM A KNIFE

HEARTS HAD ENOUGH PAIN 2 LAST MY LIFE!

[got7official]

feel about the boys however you want, but it’s crossing a fucking line when you are targeting their families and harassing them with threatening messages. if you’re reading this and are one of the hateful assholes who’s been sending sophia wang messages about how much you despise her son, you can choke. she’s never done anything to deserve that kind of treatment and, news flash!!!!! neither has jackson! here’s a new concept for you got6 stans to try out, get off your damn sns for 10 mins, go outside and get a breath of fresh air, and maybe, ya know, think about how you would feel in her shoes if someone was constantly telling you in exact detail why they hate your son and how they wish he would die. but then again, i forgot y'all lack the common decency of a kind human being, so y'all probably don't care in the slightest the pain your actions have caused 🙂  i can keep quiet about some things, but this disgusting behavior is not one of them. something's gotta change, and it needs to be now

[izzy-b-hands]

Ngl I'm stoned and this is a lil dumb, but hopefully there's enough silly funny bits to make up for it lol

anyway, in which Calico Jack gets a new ship, and goes shopping for a new crew! Well, poaching, actually. Stealing, really. Not even well, but he's trying.

Steddyhands, but it's not the main focus of this, that is reserved for Jack's Fuckery lmao. NSFW in some bits, but not too graphically. There are some stabbings as well, but it's all one person at least.

---

"Ain't she beautiful?"

Ed nodded. "She is. She's also mine."

Jack did a double take between Ed and the ship. "Nah."

"Yeah? Literally, on the side there: Queen Anne's Revenge. Izzy painted it on; you were with us that day!"

"That could be a typo," Jack protested. "Pirates are not known for spelling accuracy. Besides, I found her fair and square, floatin' along."

"Right, because we meant to go back and get her at some point. I had Izzy put up the 'be right back' sign on the helm, did it fall off?"

Jack frowned. "Might have seen such a sign. Recognized the handwriting."

"And stole my ship anyway?"

"Look, if you don't want your shit stolen, then don't make it so stealable," Jack muttered. "Besides, would you rather anyone else have her?"

Ed shrugged. "Fair point. You said you've got a new crew?"

Jack led him further down the beach, back towards everyone else laying out on the sand. "Well, not yet. Actually, that's why I was so glad to see you guys! How would you feel about a mutiny, and then you all come join me, and we sell Steve?"

Ed groaned. "Seriously? I screamed in your fucking face that Stede-"

"Steve?"

"No, Stede!"

"Who? We're talkin' about Steve, right?"

Ed dropped onto the sand mid-step. "I can't tell if you're fucking with me and trying to be funny, or if you honestly think we have a Steve and Stede onboard."

"Look, you wanted change, right? What better change than a little demotion? I captain, you can be first mate for me, and we'll sell Izzy and Steve."

Ed stood up with a start. "Hang the fuck on. You want to demote me to the arguably much shittier job of first mate, and you want to sell off my boyfriends?"

Jack raised a brow. "Oh. Both of 'em, huh? You always did like a challenge. Or you wouldn't have ever fucked me, right?"

"You're not really answering the question."

Jack threw up his hands. "Fine. We'll do this the hard way. I'll convince your crew to join me, then we'll sell you, Izzy, and Stede."

"Hey! You got it right!" Ed smiled. "But also if you do actually try and poach our crew, I'll do whatever I have to do to stop you, Jack. I don't want to, but I will."

Jack laughed. "Okay, you do that. You maim me or beat me to a pulp, big scary Blackbeard!"

Ed giggled. "I will! You're not nearly as good a friend as you were before too so I mean, maybe consider that. Kind of already upset with you! Won't take much more to really piss me off!"

Jack stepped closer. "I'd like to see you like that. Pissed off, ready to rip me apart. Bet you still couldn't."

"Jack-"

"I need a crew. Yours sucks, but I'm not in a place to be picky. Whoever doesn't agree with me can go in a cage with you and your boys, and we'll buy something nice for the ship with whatever we get for all of you."

Ed frowned. "Not that badly decorated, is she? I know Izzy said I've got too many skulls around-"

"It is a lot of skulls," Jack interrupted. "But nah, it ain't that bad. No, I just think it'll piss you off knowing I'm using that money to redecorate your quarters. My quarters, now."

"Everyone warned me that I wouldn't want you as an ex," Ed sighed. "Think I understand that now."

"I got a reputation to uphold," Jack grinned. "Anyway, don't mind me skulking around chatting up your crew. You can't stop me, nothing wrong with talkin' to people!"

Ed nodded as he watched Jack walk off, whistling as he kicked up sand. He needed to talk to Stede, ASAP.

--

"Izzy!"

"Jesus fucking chr-the fuck is wrong with you?!"

Izzy nearly dropped the wooden box of marmalade jars he was hauling from the Revenge's galley at Jack's appearance, though that was bullshit in and of itself. He had told Ed and Stede they'd inevitably want more than the few jars they'd grabbed so why not take more right away? But no, they were stubborn and didn't and now he couldn't leave them sans marmalade, that would be cruel-

"You keepin' the wives happy?" Jack's fingertip slide across the edge of the box. "Please tell me this isn't what y'all use for lube."

"Who the fuck would do that?" Izzy scoffed, then remembered who he was talking with. "Christ, no, they've just got a slight addiction to this with toast. Speaking of, I'm expected back."

Jack's hand slapped flat on the front of the box. "They can wait a little longer."

Izzy rolled his eyes. "I appreciate the intimidation tactic, but those two will come looking shortly, and they're hungry on top of it all. That is actually intimidating, so if you'll kindly get the fuck out of my way."

"Izzy," Jack hissed, leaning forward. "We could be so good together."

"I don't know if this is a come on or an attempt to make me join you as crew, but I'm not interested in either," Izzy said as he shifted the box onto his hip. "I only need the one hand free to stab you, Jack. I would love the opportunity. If you don't move now, then I'll take it."

Jack clucked his tongue. "Thought you'd be an easier target than this."

"Hm."

"Don't really know what to do now," Jack admitted. "It wasn't a come on, but, since we're alone here on this nice big ship..."

Izzy blinked. "Right. You do whatever you feel you need to; I'll go let Roach know we'll need to deep clean this area, and bring the boys their marmalade before they riot."

"Izzy, come on. You seriously don't want a chance at something new? Something more?"

Izzy scoffed. "As if you'd have me as first mate. No, I'm sure you'd take the first chance to kill, maroon, or sell me off. I'm not an idiot, Jack. Here's what you should know from here on out-"

With the box still balanced on one hip, he pulled a knife from his belt. "I am very happy with the current situation. Believe me, it surprised me at first too-"

"You are a miserable bastard," Jack interrupted with a chuckle.

Izzy nodded, then stabbed the knife into Jack's abdomen.

"Well then," Jack panted. "You meant it, with the stabbing."

"In all the years I've had to trail after you and Edward, making sure neither of you wandered drunk into the sea, have I ever lied to you about all the harm I'd like to do to you?"

Jack nodded. "You have threatened me a lot over the years!"

Izzy smirked. "And you didn't listen to a word of it. Now, I'm taking my knife back, and I'm getting this marmalade to the boys. And if you try to poach anyone else off this crew, so help me I will stab you until there's nothing solid enough left to stab."

He yanked his knife from Jack's flesh, and strode out. Thankfully, he hadn't gotten any blood on the box or any of the jars.

--

"Sup?"

Roach stared into the trees, specifically eyeballing the one he was pissing closest to. "Sorry?"

"Not bad," Jack popped out from behind one of the trees. "Your dick, I mean. Was flippin' through that book Steve has, what's-his-name did a good job drawing yours."

Roach finished and put himself away while pondering a response. "His name is Lucius, and it's Stede, not Steve-"

"Who is?"

Roach shook his head. "Forget it. Thanks, I guess. About my...yeah. I'm gonna head back to the crew, if you want to j-"

"Join! Me, no! But you, could join me, yes!" Jack grinned.

"Was your goal to make a pitch using the fewest words possible?" Roach asked. "Because you did it, but it was weird. Weird for you, which I think is an important distinction."

"So, you'll be my chef?"

"No! Nothing I said was anything about doing that!"

Jack frowned. "Shame. Your cooking is amazing."

At that, Roach couldn't hold back a smile. It was at least partially just Jack trying to butter him up, but fuck it, it was still complimentary enough.

"Would love to have that sort of fine work onboard the Quee-uh, the King Jack's... Revenge..Revenger."

Roach nodded. "Very sweet of you, but I'm good where I am. The offer to join us for a midnight snack still stands though; we're making s'mores!"

He peered down Jack's front. "Is that blood?"

"Just a little bit, Izzy didn't like being asked to join me, and boy howdy did he let me know! He's a scrappy lil guy, huh?"

Roach smirked. "What if I tell him that I met you out here?"

The color drained from Jack's face, though that might have been the stab wound as much as anything else. "No, you don't have to-why would he even want to know that, I mean...ah fuck it, you ain't worth it! I'll find a better chef!"

Jack went crashing off into the trees, with a final bird flipped to Roach as he went.

"This is why we need piss break buddies," Roach muttered to himself. "Everyone thinks it's 'oh Roach is afraid of the dark', but no, it's weird shit like this! That's what we need someone with for!"

He made a mental note to tell Izzy about the encounter first thing when he got back. He had a feeling he would burn hot enough they could heat the s'mores over him instead of the fire.

--

"No."

"I didn't even say anything yet," Jack chuckled. "C'mon Jim. You and I haven't even spent any time together, and I bet you're jealous of the rest of them over it."

"Could you fuck off?" Jim asked sharply. "Even if I wasn't in the middle of this, the answer would still be no. Roach warned us you were hiding out and doing this."

Olu lifted his head from between Jim's thighs. "Seriously! You are really fucking distracting, and this is fucking rude! Would you storm into someone's bedroom while they were fucking and ask them to join your crew?"

"Have done that once before, actually," Jack said as he sat down by Jim's head. "Don't let me interrupt."

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Jim shouted, and a startled cry went up from the campsite near the beach.

"Damn it," Jack hissed. "Thanks a lot; if Izzy stabs me again it is your fucking fault!"

Jim glared, held out their hand for a knife, and jabbed the one Olu handed them into Jack's arm.

"Now that's unnecessary," Jack scoffed. He yanked the knife out, then stood and darted back into the trees, just as Izzy and Roach came crashing into the clearing.

"He's gone already," Roach sighed. "Fuck."

"You know the ship would be more comfortable than here," Izzy commented to Jim.

Jim handed the blooded knife back to Olu, and tossed an arm over their eyes. "Yes. Yes it would be. But we thought we'd have more privacy in the fucking jungle! Than anywhere else! And we were wrong!"

"We'll go," Roach said gently, tugging Izzy by the elbow. "Sorry about all of this."

"Right, we'll get him the next time," Izzy nodded.

"Sure, great, thank you!" Olu shouted as they crashed back through the brush. "Should we try the ship instead?"

"Nah, at least they know which area to avoid now. Not exactly privacy, but I'll take it," Jim sighed. "You still good down there?"

"Wouldn't want to be anywhere else."

--

"So, we aren't hunting Jack down to kill him, in theory," Ed said. "Just to make him fuck off, or chill the fuck out and stop bothering everyone about joining his crew on my ship. That he stole."

"Yeah, you keep mentioning that," Frenchie noted.

"Yeah, well, it was a really dick move," Ed said. "So I think it bears repeating."

"The goal is to talk to him," Stede added. "If you feel you will be moved only to violence instead of words, then please come get one of us. That way we can try the talking bit, and if it doesn't work we always have violence as a solid back up plan."

"A note on that," Izzy said. "Do not get me for the talking bit, only Ed or Stede. I am on the side of violence first, so if you want help in any violence against him, that's when you find me."

Stede smiled and clapped his hands together. "Perfect! Everything crystal clear, we all have snacks and water... let's get going!"

Before anyone could take a step, Jack forced himself through a small gap between two trees near their camp. "Ah ha! Thought you'd- ouch, fuck-seen the last of old...hang on, fuckin' coat is stuck...there, the last of old Calico Jack?! Well, here I am!"

He was covered in dirt, blood, hair greasy and a mess. At some point he'd managed to lose both his boots but gained a new one that was nothing like his original pair.

"Okay, that makes things easier!" Stede said. "We need you to stop this, Jack. You're a sensible... well. You're a man who understands...no. You...if someone went around poaching your crew, if you had one, that would bother you, yes?"

Jack nodded.

"Well, that's our issue," Stede continued. "I respect and understand you want a crew of your own again. However, and I will speak plainly: you're a fucking menace. And if you think you should be scared of Izzy over this, then you're both right and wrong. Right, because he does want to stab you again, but wrong, because if you keep trying to steal my crew, I'll gouge your fucking eyes out with my bare hands. Ed taught me how to do that a few weeks ago, and I could use the practice!"

Dead silence.

Then, Ed, softly.

"Jack. I need to take Stede back to the ship, immediately. I'm going to give you two minutes to make it back to my ship that I'm going to let you keep borrowing-"

"Come on," Jack interrupted. "Just face it; I stole her fair and square! Also, weird seeing you hard in those pants when I'm not the one causing it. Kinda hate it, actually."

Ed glared at him. "As I was saying. You may continue to borrow my ship for now. You have two minutes to return to it before the crew gets to chase after you. Ship is safe, but if you have even a toe off it-"

He shrugged. "I would make sure I'm on the ship by then. Were it me."

"I hate how hot it is when you talk like that," Jack chuckled. Then, with a tired sigh, he burst into a sprint towards the Queen Anne's Revenge.

"Are you actually gonna send us after him?" Wee John asked. "Seems a waste of time."

"Can if you want, but he's always been a spry fucker. He'll probably be onboard and below deck before we know it," Ed replied. "But I do need to get Stede back to the ship-"

"Yeah, yeah, you wanna fuck his brains out for the eye gouging threat," Jim laughed. "We know; you aren't subtle."

Ed nodded. "So Stede, Izzy, and I will be busy for the rest of the night. You all...do whatever you want. Come back onboard, spend the night camping out here, whatever makes you happiest. If Jack bothers you-"

"Threaten to stab him," came the crew's chorus.

--

On the Queen Anne's Revenge, Jack bandaged his wounds. Maybe having his own ship again wasn't the right thing, right now.

At the sound of distant moaning, he looked out from his quarters with his spyglass. There, in the window of the Revenge's main quarters, he could see Ed and Stede and Izzy and shedding clothes...

He set the spyglass down after a moment, and pondered if they needed anyone in a role like that. To bring water, snacks, clean towels, more lube, etc.

He decided he'd start asking around with the crew in the morning.

[incarnateirony]

Okay so I have acquired

a FUCK TON of new followers

So let me make something... irrevocably clear.

I do not. Actually. Do. Fandom bullshit.

I observe a show that has a large fandom.

I do not care about your character stan wars. I do not care about manufactured ship wars. I do not read fanfiction. I may, on rare occasion, trip over a piece of fanart or a gif set I like, and that is RARE. 

I do not belong to any technical lane, and I sure as hell do NOT give two flying FUCKS about any Tolerance Paradox logic of whatever weird ass social conventions people imagine within their particular lane.

If people bring dumb to my wall, I am going to drag the dumb over the hill and back. I did not sign any magical social contract to play nice just because everyone’s used to operating in this completely fabricated fucking system of behavior. If you use my blog as a springboard or an anon dump just to try to be some sort of contrarian, I will make you regret that. I am not obligated to tolerate any of it.

I did not ask to be a big name fan. The better part of my fandom existence consists of hiding in discords with very select groups of people. I at best lurk in the big discords and remember they exist once a year. 

I am happy to help with organization on things or opening up ideas or pathways for people. That’s uh, literally my patron’s way. My patron is also a trickster, an inverter of forces, and exists largely to make fools out of people of all capacities. He can be kindly, as long as he is respected, and respect is shared. I match him, and thus, I match energies. 

Don’t want to feel called out, even hiding behind an anon sock? Use some basic self control and think before you hit the enter key.

My friends call me everybody’s Vodka Aunt. And it suits. Apply that in the future. I am not your Mocha Latte Mom. I am definitely not... whatever... *gestures out over a random fandom wing* that is. 

I exist on a platform to talk about a show completely divorced FROM fandom’s structures, and will welcome people to talk about that show with me as long as they do not try to shove me INTO those structures. I do not use “destiel fandom meta structures” and have voiced VERY loud disagreement with many of them. I didn’t even make POLOL on purpose. It was literally the domino result of ragequitting a bunch of group chats after receiving an endless array of shitty takes, and a few friends pulling together. We didn’t expect it to become a phenomenon or even widely known. It was never an endeavor.

Vodka Aunt can and WILL throw the goddamn flipflop at you if you’re making noise.

Oh and by the way, those shitty takes I ragequit all my GCs over before making POLOL? Was people monkey climbing me for saying Dean was always going to die in the finale and that Sam was going to live a full life separated from him. The shitty takes included saying I hated Dean, or I was trying to make it all about Destiel, and more.

If you wonder why I haven’t made a goddamn PEEP towards anyone throwing a fit over Dean dying, it’s because that’s not the corporate fuckery going on and was never part of the corporate fuckery. Of the very few things that survived in skeletal forms to their ending, in its most bare bones and frankly embarassing form, that is it. That or the “cas helped” summary of one of the greatest theosophical renderings ever told. “Cas helped.” rofl oh my god “cas helped” yeah sure okay that’s how to summarize the same pathwork that led me to the conclusion on Sam and Dean, this clearly wasn’t the entire rebirth of the Axis/Anima mundi by Shadow integration and Death as an infinite vessel to become the new womb of heaven they literally blasted comedically obvious signs all over about.

Literally.

Literally the same pathwork. But I’m going to guess some dipshit suit went all Hollywood Babylon asking if ghosts have superhearing and got a tired “sure whatever Jack pulled him out” (though not said in the text) or more hilariously, “Cas helped.” 

This is literally the kind of horse shit hackneyed shit Hollywood Babylon and French Mistake exist to call out and yet fandom is like “HMMMM IS THAT REALLY HOW IT WORKS THO” despite Hollywood Babylon adjacent interviews when they’re like, yes, this is literally how it works, we literally pulled this episode from notes we got.

And I’m sure, ironically, they’re patting themselves on the head for a job well done where nobody will be the wiser, despite fucking up with the 15.19 cuts (x) and despite the dub shit and dubbers explaining how it works (x) and despite Dabb literally writing an entire ode to this shit all year and admitting in-advance he knows how fucking stupid it is and despite all of that because fandom, in and of itself, will mindlessly do the shoveling for them. (x) 

Hell, despite a suit (yes I know honey you hate being called a suit and you’re more of an assistant but Suit is easier to type than Glorified Secretary That Schedules Important Things For Important People; you’ve worked for the CW since it was the WB before the merger, to the fandom, you’re a fucking Suit) fucking up in my inbox for a consistent week thinking they were getting one-up on me before they realized what all they ran their fucking lips on (be that their true attitude towards representation, be that things they admitted covid wouldn’t have truly fucked with, be that them admitting they actually appreciate the fandom tire fires because it benefits them). Congratulations, you’re why companies get away with this shit and perpetually displace blame while doing this shit on all their products. (x) (x) Good job.

But that’s the shitty takes that drove me out of even some of my more exclusive rings. Read as: me being goddamn right the whole time. 

Which about sums up 99% of the shitposts people drop on my blog. But this is my blog, not yours. If you don’t want the slipper, Not Commenting is fucking free.

[chatsanova]

Have Another Go At It and Hope For More Than Change: Ch 1

I’ve been sitting on this AU for a while and quarantine as left me more than enough time to write so here so trauma and angst ML fic. There’s some time fuckery, and swearing, as well as major character deaths (think Infinity War here)

AO3

“Cat Noir get back!” Chaos fills Paris as akuma victims attack from all sides.

“I’m not leaving you, my lady!” Bee, Rena, and Carapace have all fallen. It was just the two of them, with no options left.

“Noir, I’m not asking!” Hawkmoth and Paon, now a lot more powerful than the months before, attacked on both fronts, Le Paon causing large and terrifying creatures from the nightmares of people passed out on the streets. Ladybug lost her yo-yo to the reincarnated Jack-ady, Cat Noir’s staff broken in half by Dark Blade. They both had used through their Miraculous. Cataclysm barely effective, the Lucky Charm postponed the inevitable. They were surrounded by past villains, new and old. Some of them seemed to hold a grudge from the last time they were defeated. These were citizens of Paris that Ladybug had failed. She should have known it wasn’t enough to just capture akumas. She should have gone to the source. She should have been proactive. This was her fault.

“Fall back!” Cat screams but Ladybug’s thoughts drive her to hesitate and in a rumbling of the streets Stoneheart picks up Ladybug crushing her body down hard. She screams in pain and passes out in his hand.

“LADYBUG!” tears spill down his cheeks as he scrambles for some semblance of a plan. This isn’t how it was supposed to go. Today was supposed to be normal.

The booming voice of Hawkmoth shakes the streets, “CAT NOIR, I’VE CAPTURED LADYBUG. I HAVE HER MIRACULOUS. GIVE UP YOURS AND I WILL GRANT YOU YOUR LIFE.”

Cat Noir collapses on the ground, holding back dry heaving sobs. Stoneheart releases Ladybug in front of Hawkmoth, her body drops like a sack of bricks. He can hear the thud. Hawkmoth reaches down. Cat Noir is stuck. Body heavy, tired. He can’t move, solidified to the ground as if he is part of it. He needs to save her. She’s hurt, she’s...about to be revealed. He has to… save her. He rises from the ground.

“I have to say, Cat Noir,” Hawkmoth drags out his words, as if he has all the time in the world, “You... are... loyal. Bring him to me.”

Someone, he doesn’t know who, lifts Cat Noir off the ground to drop him off at Hawkmoth’s feet. He buckles once more, pathetically. His knees are weak, and every muscle in his body shakes from exhaustion. Hawkmoth leans over and removes an earring from Ladybug’s ear. “No,” he attempts to scream, but his voice cracks instead. He wants to close his eyes, for her sake, but it’s too late. Her transformation slips off as Hawkmoth removes the second earring. Marinette. He thought about how he would react to this many nights before. What his reaction might be to seeing who his lady is. Would they see each other and have sudden epiphanies about how much they loved each other and celebrate with a dance atop the Eiffel Tower or the Notre Dame Cathedral? Together they could do anything. A joyful celebration of mutual love and respect seems so far away it might as well be a different universe. He sobs. He sees everything that she is. He loves her and didn’t save her. He didn’t stop this. He never ever wanted it to be this way. Quickly, pushing the hurt from his mind, he remembers where is his: on his knees in front of Hawkmoth. His sobs turn to anger.

“I can see it in you, Cat Noir. You’d do anything for her.” He’s tired and stiff, but can still retort with, “Including kill you.” If Ladybug and Cat Noir were balanced, and Ladybug was gone, what was he capable of?

“Bold words from someone who can barely stand. But you are missing the point. You and I, we are the same.” Ah yes, that thing villains love to do: pretend they are heroes after taking over the entire city of Paris.

“Don’t you ever compare me to you.” he spits at Hawkmoth’s feet.

“I would also do anything for the woman I love. That’s what this is all for. I lost my wife, and I intend to get her back.”

Then Le Paon walks out rolling a woman in a glass tube out onto the roof where they stand, then walks away again. Apparently she has better things to do. When he sees the encased woman, Cat Noir’s heart plummets. If it was possible to feel worse, kneeling next to Marinette’s limp body, he did. His mother. His mother is in that tube. My wife. Cat Noir retches.

“With the powers of the Ladybug’s and Cat Noir’s miraculous, I can bring her back to me. Nothing else matters. Nothing.”

“Not even your son?”

“What?”

“Tell me Hawkmoth, where is your son right now?”

Hawkmoth looks around, confused, “Who said anything about a son?”

“I did,” Cat Noir stands once more, leaning on the building if only to try to remove the sick, bitter feeling in his stomach. He replaces it with rages. Through gritted teeth, he says, “That’s Emelie Agreste. Which makes you Gabriel. Which makes me your son. Am I going too fast?”

“No, it’s not- it’s not possible!”

“Then where’s your son, Gabriel?” The blood drains from the villain’s face. The darkness in Adrien, the one the was almost required for someone to be Cat Noir, the miraculous of destruction, shows itself in the moments that he has lost everything, “Did you lose him in the chaos?” With the upper hand, he makes the choice to walk closer to Hawkmoth, “No, I think you lost him a long time ago. Yeah, around the same you lost her,” Adrien points finger roughly at his mother, “When we lost her. But no, there’s no we. There never was, was there, dad?” he spit the word so hard Gabriel looked stricken. Not a word, a bullet. “Now looks at this bitter irony, huh? Neither even realized it. HA! We never realized we were living under the same fucking roof as our sworn enemy!” he laughs in a scary, hysterical way that turns into a coughing fit, which causes a huge pang of pain throughout his body. Hawkmoth, stupid fucking Hawkmoth, stands there with a dumb look on his face.

“Adrien,” the word hurts him, “you can help me. You can help me bring your mother back. Just give me your miraculous!”

“Fuck you.”

“Adrien, I can fix everything! I can fix your mother! I can fix us! I can fix the whole world! Just give m--”

“Fuck. You. You’re delusional. You always have been! I thought it was some form of protection like you wanted to save me or something. But obviously it’s just so I wouldn’t stand in your way. Let’s send Adrien to this stupid charity event! Or this fucking photoshoot! Let’s keep him from the outside world completely and totally, that will keep him out of my hair! You are so stupid. You are so fucking dumb. And I WAS THE ONE STOPPING YOU! THE WHOLE TIME! HAHAHA. You wanted me out of your hair! HAHAHA” As his laughter crescendoed so did the pain. “Adrien, if you don’t give it to me, I will take it from you.”

The crazed smile on Cat Noir’s face drops suddenly, “Go for it. You ripped everything I love away, what’s one more, right? I’m not gonna give you the satisfaction of giving it to you, you better kill me first. Rip it off my cold dead hand. Kill your son to bring back your wife. Go for it, asshole.” Le Paon appears again, “That can be arranged,” and Adrien hears a gunshot. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adrien woke up in a comfy bed in a large room.

The first thought that crossed his mind was “Am I dead?” No, wait. Of course not. Why did he think that? There was a dream. A weird dream.

“Adrien, mon cher, wake up you’re going to be late for school!” a woman’s voice comes from behind the door.

“Oui, oui, mère, Je suis réveillé.” For a moment the word “mère” feels weird on his tongue, but that quickly passes. He dresses in his normal clothes and goes downstairs to find his mother and father sitting at the table with a plate of tartine waiting for him. Once again, something feels off, only for a moment. Maybe it was that dream? There was a sudden surge of hate and bitterness toward his father before pushing it away. It would be strange to feel angry for something his father did in a dream.

“You’d better hurry, darling, Gorilla’s waiting outside.”

“Yeah, I’d better go. Love you!”

A chorus of nonchalant I love you’s follow him out the door.

“Good morning, Gorilla, how are you today.”

“Monsieur Adrien, are you okay?”

“Of course, I am, why would you think otherwise?”

“Well, monsieur, you’re crying.” Adrien reaches up to his cheek to find wet trails down his face. How could he be crying? “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. It’s almost, well, happy?”

“I see. Well, I’m glad you’re in such a good mood!”

“Right…” Adrien looked at his hand, perplexed by the wetness from tears he didn’t even realize he had. _______________

The feeling of wrongness followed Adrien all day. He didn’t know where it came from, but his stomach was just a little wobbly. His friends were there, Alya, Nino, Chloe. They talked in the hallway. Chloe had had a very weird dream and started on a tangent, “And this butterfly just comes up and possesses me…” Nino looked oddly interested, odd only because he’s never had any interest in Chloe’s weird tangents before.

But before he could dwell too long on Chloe’s dream, Marinette walked in. She was just AURATING with wrong. Everything about her. There was nothing different that he could see, her dark, black hair fell down to lay on her shoulders, she wore a black v-neck t-shirt, black ripped jeans with a blue jean jacket. Her lips tinted red. Beautiful as always, but still, something felt off. He was sort of getting sick of this feeling, but then he noticed to look on Alya’s face, who was looking straight at Marinette.

“You feel it too.” He interrupted Chloe.

“What?” Alya snapped out of her daze to look at Adrien’s concerned face.

“The feeling. It’s been following me all day,” Adrien ignored Chloe’s offended face at being ignored, but Alya’s eyes widened, in confusion or fear, Adrien didn’t know.

“What feeling, dude?” Nino pulled himself away from his own thoughts.

“The feeling of complete and utter wrong.”

“Like reverse deja-vu.” Alya said suddenly, “Like something should feel familiar but doesn’t.”

“Exactly.”

“Do you guys listen to me at all? That’s what I’m saying! This butterfly thing didn’t feel like a dream! It felt like a memory,” Chloe added, “That’s impossible, right?”

Nino looked down and said, “I think what’s more impossible is I had the same dream.”

They all turned to look at him.

“Ok, so what the hell is going on?” Adrien tried to reel himself in. It’s one thing to have a weird dream and a weird feeling, it’s an entirely different thing to have his friends experience the exact same thing.

“It’s probably a coincidence,” Nino said, “maybe we were watching the same YouTube video or some shit, the YouTube algorithms do that now.”

“Yeah, could be, or maybe that doesn’t make any sense at all.” Chloe thwacked his arm.

“Alya, did you have that dream?” Nino asked.

“I had one a little different. There was no purple butterfly but there was an arrow followed by a huge hateful feeling. It still felt weird though. What about you Adrien?”

“I did have a dream, I just… ugh, I don’t remember it as well. I just remember my father and the feeling of betrayal and a girl…I think she was dead, or unconscious or something,” He ran his fingers through his hair, “I just don’t remember it, but it sucked.”

“So we all had major crap dreams. What does that mean?” Chloe leaned against a locker, inspecting a fingernail.

“Well,” Alya considered, “Maybe let’s focus on the wrong feeling. We feel it more in different places, yeah? What feels wrong?”

“My entire house feels off,” Adrien thought about his big house, his mom, his father, the chorus of I love you’s. It felt nice. It felt happy. It felt wrong. As crappy as that was, his big happy house with the happy family felt so wrong it gave him vertigo.

“The news. Ladybug feels wrong.”

“Lady..bug?”

“Yeah, she was wreaking havoc all over again.” Yep, that definitely felt wrong.

“What feels the most wrong?”

“Marinette.” Alya’s eyes grew distant. The four of them collectively turned to Marinette, Who was talking to Kim as they entered the classroom. The pit in Adrien’s stomach got bigger and emptier.

“Adrien? Are you okay?” Nino glanced over at him. This wasn’t the first time he’s been asked that today, but it felt so much worse than earlier. This was heartbreak. Love and loss. It went away as suddenly as it came, but Nino had caught it, “You’re crying.”

So he was. The first time had been of joy, but this was a wave of brokenness. He needed to find out what the hell was going on.

“I hate this. I hate this guessing game. Why do we feel like this? WHAT. IS. GOING. ON.” he slung his backpack over his shoulder and marched inside the classroom and slammed his hand in front Marinette. She barely looked up at him. Wrong.

“Blondie.”

“Do you feel it?” Now she looked up.

“What?”

“Do you feel what we feel?”

“Are you crazy?” He felt a little crazy, but goddamn this day was the thing doing it. Marinette was the one doing it. She looked at him straight in the eye.

“The feeling that something...is wrong.”

“HA!” The laugh was bitter, “No, Adrien, I don’t feel what you’re feeling.” She rolled her eyes. Wrong.

“Um, Adrien, maybe not.” Alya pulled his arm away from the desk.

“Yeah, maybe cut her some slack.” Nino’s eyes looked sympathetic. Even Chloe looked like she just saw Adrien kick a puppy. They pulled him into the hallway.

“Maybe approaching Marinette like that after what happened to her parents isn't such a good idea, Adrien.”

“Her... parents?”

All three of them narrowed their eyes and furrowed their eyebrows in concern.

Alya started slowly, “Ladybug was involved with an attack on the Dupain-Cheng bakery.” Chloe pulled the news article up on her phone and showed him.

Oh right, Adrien didn’t remember until he did, if that made any sense, Marinette’s parents died 3 months ago.

Wrong. Wrong, so very wrong. The feeling made his tongue swell and his stomach into a pit. As Alya said it, her face twisted.

“Adrien, why do you seem more affected by it?” Nino mused, “You seem to “remember” less, you know? What else do you not remember?”

“How the hell am I supposed to answer th-” Adrien was cut off by a rumbling through the floor, “What was that?” The rumbling turned into straight-up shaking. Then the sound. It was deafening. Everyone in the class started screaming at once. There was screaming from outside. The rumbling lasted for what seemed like minutes and then trickled to a stop. Chloe frantically searched her phone but it didn’t take long to find out what had happened; she gasped at her phone, horrified. “Chlo?” The phone fell from her grasp and she buckled, “Chloe?” Alya and Nino rushed to her aide asking if she was okay, but she burst into tears. It wasn’t until Adrien picked up her now shattered phone that he saw what she was looking at: A live feed of the news played faintly from the speakers as the famous Parisian Hotel Chloe called home collapsed.“Oh my god.”

Chloe wailed from the floor as the rest of the class asked what happened, they must have seen the horror on Adrien’s face as everyone continued to panic.

“Adrien, what’s going on?”

“What happened?”

“Was it Ladybug?”

Adrien took a shaky breath and exhaled slowly, “Le Grand Paris collapsed.” Alya’s face went slack.

“WHAT?”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN COLLAPSED?”

“WHAT COULD HAVE DONE THAT?”

Everyone seemed to have questions that already had an answer, it was Ladybug, obviously, she had caused the building to collapse but it was Marinette who asked the question that really needed asking: “How many people were inside?”

She looked distantly on the floor, numb from the events that had already happened in her life. This world, the wrong world that it was, was a war zone. Ladybug vs Paris. And Ladybug was winning.

The class went quiet, the only sounds heard came from Chloe on the ground, fetal position, dry sobbing, her voice scratched all the ears in the room. Adrien looked at his phone for more headlines only to see the same thing:

“SUPERVILLAIN STRIKES AGAIN AT LE GRAND PARIS”

“INVESTIGATION ON THE COLLAPSE OF PARIS HOTEL, IS LADYBUG INVOLVED?”

“WILL LADYBUG’S REIGN OF TERROR EVER END???”

“THE MAYOR OF PARIS, ANDRE BOURGEOIS AND WIFE CONFIRMED DEAD ON THE SCENE”

Marinette stood, the only one to seem to have her wits about her, and moved to Chloe.

“Hey, Chloe, come here.” She wrapped her arms around the blonde, who reciprocated. She let her cry. They had hated each other for years and years, but now was not the time for past rivalries. It hadn’t been since Mari’s parents… Well, there were far more important things. Far worse things.

Alya stood too, “Adrien...does it say anything about the other survivors?”

“It’s all too new, they… they only started investigating.”

“There’s no investigating to be done. It’s Ladybug. It has to be.” Alya clenched her fists. Nino put his hand on her shoulder.

“Well, yeah, but unless you can capture a supervillain there doesn’t seem to be a lot we can do.”

“WHERE IS THE GODDAMN TEACHER?” Alya slammed her fist on a nearby desk, “Aren’t there supposed to be some fucking adults here? Why are we dealing with this by OURSELVES?” It was a good question. They were in a room a 16-17 year olds, this was a national tragedy. Where was everyone?

At that, the class seemed to come out of their stupor and went to work. Max started setting up a live feed of the news on the projector, Kim and Alix ran to other classrooms to check if they were alright. No teachers there either, turns out. The rest got on their phones to see if their loved ones were ok. Adrien finally called his dad.

“Dad? Are you and mom okay?”

“We’re fine, are you with Chloe? Is she okay?”

“No, she’s not, but we are helping her.”

“Okay. Adrien, your mom says to stay inside, it’s a war zone out there, alright?” Adrien glanced out the window, debris and ash flooded the sky.

“Yeah, we’ll stay here.”

“Good, love you, son.”

“Love you too, Dad.” Adrien didn’t have time to dwell on the foreign feeling from the conversation. Suddenly the feeling in the pit of his stomach had virtually nothing to do with his dad and entirely to do with Ladybug. More students gathered in their classroom and Max’s live feed came onto the screen.

“Updates from Le Grand Paris, officials are pulling survivors from the wreckage, but so far only a few of the hundreds in the hotel seem to be alive. Among the dead, the mayor of Paris and his wife Andre and Andrey Bourgeois, rockstar Jagged Stone and many many more. Among the survivors are most of the kitchen staff, who had been in kitchens in the basement during the collapse.” Alya tried to hold in her relief, especially surrounded by so much tragedy, but hearing her mom is likely alive was the best news she received all day. “It is advised the people in Paris, especially within 4 miles of the hotel stay inside for the time being. The air is currently not safe to breathe due to ash and debris.”

After a few hours of painstaking waiting, Adrien decided to do something, it wasn’t the right time or place, but it seemed as though there was no other option, “Nino, Alya, Chloe, Marinette. Can I please talk to you in the hallway?”

Chloe had stopped sobbing a little while ago, too exhausted for more tears. Now she looked distant and numb, like Marinette had when the Le Grande Paris collapsed.

“Chloe, actually, if you don’t want to be a part of this--”

“Don’t, Agreste…” she threw her hand up to stop him from suggesting that she should be anywhere other than right here and stood, “Now more than ever, I know that something is very wrong. We need to fix it. And that starts with her,” Chloe pointed a thumb at Marinette.

“What? What does that mean?”

“Come on,” Adrien put his hand out to help Marinette off the floor. She’d been sitting with Chloe the whole time. She didn’t accept his hand, and stood herself.

“I don’t know what you guys think I’m responsible for but I’m not. Please just leave me out of it.” Marinette didn’t really look him in the eye, and futzed with her bangs.

“Mari, please.” The nickname made her squint at him, but his face was so pleading and panicked that she relented pretty quickly. He wasn’t alone in his resolve to look for a solution, a real solution that apparently no one else in Paris had, and all the people that did were crushed under Le Grand Paris.

Marinette followed Adrien out of the room to find Alya, Nino, and Chloe suddenly hush their conversation.

“Alright, what are you talking about?” Marinette crossed her arms.

“At most, solutions, at least, answers.” Nino shrugged.

“What makes you think I have them?”

“What all had weirdly eerie dreams last night, very similar to each other.” Adrien was talking softly, tiptoeing around her and possibly Chloe, like they were fragile. It pissed Mari off. Mari had come to realize Chloe as one of the strongest people she knew, bookended by these past few hours and right this second. She had lost her parents, and while surely still grieving, pushes for answers and solutions. She wasn’t fragile, not ever.

“Listen, Agreste, I didn’t have a dream last night, or the night before, or the night before that. I don't know what you're talking about."

"Honestly, Marinette, neither do I."